Beginning Another Year

 The holidays are over again, and it seems fitting that we start another year on a Monday. 

It is sunny with some clouds here in NE Kansas, and the wind is blowing my flag from the south at the moment, though our days of temperate temps are gone for a while.  We are in a period of cold, but not like the cold and snow our friends on the east coast have seen.  In fact, one year at Christmas we had nine inches of snow... that was hard on man and beast. 

I was stunned to see I had not blogged since October, and I hope to do better this coming year. 

How did I ever find time to do it daily in the past? 

2023 was hard for me here, and I am going to write about why.  I have not written about it... on purpose, because my heart was broken... and I was having trouble going on. 

On April 4th, little Zoey begain to have trouble breathing one day.  I had adopted her from Bonner Animal Rescue in November, 2021. 

This was two days prior.  

She had had a chest infection in March, and had taken medicine for it, and had had several visits to the vet.  That week, she had a follow up, and I was told her chest was fine.  I asked if they should xray again, and the vet assured me her chest was clear. 

Two days later, she struggled to breathe.  As it went on during the day, I began to get more and more alarmed, and I ended up taking her to the 24 hour ER.  They took her right back and put her in the oxygen chamber, and told me to go home they would call in the morning. 

The phone call I got at 9 AM was to tell me she had died. 

They told me the doctor had reached in to get her to give her a lasix shot and she had fallen over dead. 

I was so stunned, I cried out, and I got myself together and drove over there and spent time in the family room holding her. I could not believe it. 

My sweet little girl. 

She had embraced being a farm dog to the fullest, she did chores with me everyday. 

Her groomer posted this for her.  Yes, she cleaned up pretty good thanks to Brooke. 

On May 5th, we had to make the decision for big Buddy to cross the Rainbow Bridge. 

He was only here for nine months as a foster, but oh, my, how he stole my heart. 

Majestic. 

Officer Kendra from Bonner Springs (Kansas), the ACO, escorted us down to the vet, and stayed with us to the end.  He was having increasing trouble getting down the three steps to the yard... and we were afraid he would collapse out in the yard at some point.  

He had a wonderful last nine months. 

That left this guy. 

My Jester, my heart.  Remember, I had lost Snowy and Fritzi before I got Zoey, and Jester accepted them all.  He was good to everyone, even big Buddy.  We had had four pugs, but had never had a Boston until my son asked us if we would like to have him in 2014, they had taken in a Boston and an English Bulldog puppy, and it was too much for them.  

We had dog sat for them and we liked Jester a lot. 

More importantly, Lilly Ann liked Jester. 

One of my favorite pictures of our water baby, Lilly. 

My babies. 

On May 25, at 5:00 in the morning, Jester, who had never barked in the nine years I had him... he was eleven years old... began to scream and bark.  The screams were almost like human screams.  He frantically ran from the living room, into the shower stall behind the curtain, all the while screaming.  My son ran out of his bedroom, and was afraid to touch him, and I was shaking... I hurriedly dressed and in the dark, caught Jester and carried him to the car, and set out for the ER which is thirty miles away. 

The unearthly screaming stopped in the car, but he was panting terribly. 

I got him in the door and they took him right back, for once, the waiting room was empty. 

I stayed for a while, but they told me it might be hours, and I was pretty shaken. 

I drove the thirty miles home.  

I had phone call after phone call with increasingly bad news. 

He had Cushings.  He had a huge tumor wrapped around his spleen (they suspected it had started to come apart)... he had growths on kidney and liver.... 

Fritzi had had Cushings, their life span is very short, and it takes a terrible toll on them. 

There was not one encouraging thing in the doctor's reports.  

I made a decision to let him cross the bridge... and it was horrifying. 

The young doctor had a condition which did not let her empathize, and the procedure was done in a terrible way, with no time between sedative and final shot.  It broke my heart completely, my boy in my lap, literally. 

The ER offered a pet loss psychologist, and I saw her over the summer because I literally felt like I was coming apart.  Nothing had ever affected me that way, not even Keith's death because I had been able to prepare for it and we had talked about it over and over. 

Jester was my last link to Keith, pet-wise. 

It was crushing. 

I have had dogs almost my whole life, and I have none now.  I just can't go through it again, I can't.  I try... I know there are so many in shelters that need homes... I am donating, because I can't trust myself not to go off the deep end with another loss. 

I didn't tell anyone for weeks.  I didn't tell members of my family for months... I couldn't.  A few trusted friends.  

At Christmas, I got cards addressed to Jes, Buddy and Zoey, and I just had to grit my teeth. 

Anyway.... they are gone. 

The year otherwise was pretty good. 

My little great granddaughter, Maci, and great grandson, Wyatt, had a great Christmas. 

I had them here on Black Friday because I know they have a huge round of family at Christmas. 

The cats have pretty much taken over around here.... In descending order, that's Bullseye, Wanda, on my bed, Bob, Coco is in the seat of the chair, she is so black you can hardly see her on the coverlet. Molly is on the back of the big couch. Wanda was vetted for a cut on her neck, and has become an inside cat, along with Coco.  The other three still go out. 

Mama, Teeny, and Cleo are still out in the shop, and thriving.  They have a heater and a warming light. 

We have not had frigid temps yet. 

Teeny still sleeps in the wood burning stove, she has a deep bed of straw in it. 

Everyone has their current shots except Cleo, and she is going to have to be a drop off, I think, because it will depend on when I can get her into a carrier. 

Oh, yes, we still have plenty of these.  Mama Raccoon taught her babies how to come in and out of the barn to check for treats.  I pour out a small amount of dry cat food when I close up at night, and if it is warm,  I leave the door cracked.  They also still come in and out through the "cat hole" in the wall. 

That's Bullseye out in the shop overnight on the Kuranda bed, and you see there is a big possum right behind him.... I love them, they are so helpful and eat ticks, etc.. They can carry a horse disease (if they have it) but there are no equines here now. 

They are gentle creatures with short lifespans. 

I feed the finches on the deck rail outside my window only when the cats are in.  

I love to watch them. 

This Cooper's Hawk has taken up a nest in my pasture, and he often sits on the fenceposts.  He is a beauty! 

So far, he has not gone for a chicken. 

Speaking of the chickens, 

I am down to sixteen now.  I started last year with four roosters, I have two and I don't expect the larger of the two to be around for long, he is six and showing signs of being tuckered out. 

Doug the Silkie rooster is still going strong. 

The trees in the wild area across from my place turned bright red in the fall, it lasted almost ten days and was glorious. 

And yes, the sheep came back, and when the big flock went home... I had Snickers the Jersey Heifer, Doodles the goat, and an ancient sheep I called Grandma as boarders for the next month, and I really enjoyed them.

My beautiful rooster Singleton left us suddenly in October; I went out to his house and found him gone one morning.  I lost his dad earlier, and his brother, Buddy, has now moved into his house. 

I hope to do better at blogging this year... 2024.... it sounds so strange to say it. 

I do enjoy reading other's blogs, still, and I miss staying in touch this way. 

I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful year, full of all the things you are hoping for. 

Jester Boy Yoder, 2012 to May 25, 2023

A Long Post for Mid-April

The world is greening up here, lately....

The Bartlett and Callery pears, though "trash trees", are beautiful in the landscape.  I wish my dad (who died in 1969) could see these beautiful trees in the spring, and no... I have none, here. 

This striking tree is directly across from my porch in the valley. 

This is my view this morning, after two days of rain and blustery storms. 

Our winds are back... they are so annoying.  It is hard to get things done in the yard with the wind blowing constantly, and don't get me started on mowing!  This view of the ponds will be gone by the weekend, as the trees leaf out, I lose my view.  I have talked to the tree service about clearing the fence line at the bottom of the pasture, and I am saving up for it.  I love that pond view! 

I have as many as thirteen pairs of cardinals eating here.  If they are, indeed, souls of those who have been loved by us, then all my family and favorite pets are still with me. 

Speaking of family, I had breakfast on Monday with four of my first cousins, and it was so very good to see them... our regular breakfasts were interrupted by covid, and we are only now starting to meet in person again. 

I have lost my two brothers and my sister, and these dear people are like siblings to me.  They are some of the last to ever sit at my family kitchen table, the one at which I am typing now. 

This last full moon coming up over Calamity Acres. 

The big boy and his bestest friend, Bob the Porch Cat.  Bob was busy playing with Buddy's tail and I tried to get a picture of it... but he saw me.  

This morning, I found a patch of cat fur in front of the shop... Bob was following me... he is a troublemaker, despite his innocent look... and he stopped to smell the fur carefully... someone had a fight last night, and from the color, it could only be Teenie.  I will take a close look at her later, but she was moving around freely when I got their breakfast for them a while ago. 

The girls are starting to lay again, but oddly... I'll get ten or so, and then the next day, I'll only get three.  I know for a fact four hens are laying right now this morning. 

One old hen, a VERY old cochin, is on two eggs and those eggs should be close to hatching.  Her color is fading, and I am going to have to make a decision to move her into the pen I had reserved for chicks if she does hatch them.  Chicks can wait for a few weeks.  

These flowers, from an envelope from Croatia marked "Sunny flower mix", have gone berserk under lights in the shop.  I literally have the lights up as high as they will go, and the plants are still reaching.  I had hoped to harden them off and get them planted this week, but after two eighty degree days, we are at 45 at this moment.  It is also blowing like the dickens AGAIN and we are under a red flag warning for about the sixth day in a row. 

I honestly don't know how I am going to harden them off, unless I take them out from under the lights, put them in the garage during the day where the wind can't bother them, and move them back in the shop for shelter at night.  I'll think about that. 

Jester is enjoying the balmier of our days, but yes, I have turned on the air for the dogs because the house has heated up several times by late afternoon.  Crazily enough, the heat is back on today. 

Here is my little doll, Zoey, two weeks ago yesterday, April 1st. 

She loved that bed. 

On Sunday, the 2nd, she ran around here like a little farm dog.  She came in and took a nap with Bullseye in the big crate. 

On Monday, about mid-morning, she seemed to be having trouble breathing, and I called her vet's office.  They were unable to get her in until Tuesday, so I made the appointment.  I left to do another errand, but by the time I got back, I realized she had become exhausted because she could not lay down, when she did, she could not breathe.  We left for the emergency pet hospital that I have used many times in the past. 

One look at the front door and they rushed her back into an oxygen chamber. 

After two hours, a young vet came out to speak to me, and I must have rankled with my questions, because she asked me if I was "in the medical field".  I wanted to tell her no, I have had dogs for fifty years. 

In March, Zoey was treated for a chest infection.  On the 23rd, we had a follow up, and the vet said her chest was clear and heart sounded good.  I asked if she wanted to xray and she told me there was no need. 

The young vet told me Zoey's lungs were full and wanted to call in a cardiologist. 

Friends, Zoey was eleven, I adopted her as a foster fail a year and a half ago.  The estimate of care for three days was 6000.00.  I am telling you all of this for a reason. 

I was asked if I wanted to see her in the ICU.  After four hours, I asked to see her, and went back there.  I wish I had not.  I will spare you the picture I took, I need to delete it but cannot bring myself to.  She saw me, and tried to touch the side of the chamber... but she was struggling oh, so terribly. 

I saw the young doctor again for a minute, I wish I had told her then and there that I wanted to euthanize gently, holding her.  

The "ICU" was bright, a huge room, with people working on a big dog frantically and my poor little girl in the chamber, suffering.  It will never leave my mind. 

I had signed a DNR when I signed the paperwork... you see, I left that hospital with a bill over 5000.00 for Fritzi's care a few years ago, and I admit it, I have to be more circumspect now.  I knew that resuscitation measures would add hundreds to a bill, with little chance of a good outcome. 

The next morning, I was here at the table when my phone rang.  It was the doctor who had treated Zoey... she had died very suddenly.  I yelled into the phone... I did not curse, but I was so stunned that I yelled, and then apologized.  I had made a decision during the night to euthanize with me holding her, as I do all of my beloved animals, if she were no better in the morning. 

The thing that made me so mad is that she died alone, with strangers, in that horrible room. 

The hospital has a new policy where "animal advocates" call to update you on the progress of your pet.  I knew when the doctor himself called that it was bad. 

I was told that I could go there and see her, and I changed out of my chore clothes and drove the thirty miles to settle the bill and see my poor little girl. 

The tech who brought her to me in the "family room" told me that when they reached into the chamber to give her a lasik shot that morning, she had fallen over dead.  The doctor believed her heart failed. 

I held her for a while... and then let her go.  I have so many little boxes of cremains here I have had to stop doing it.... though the rep from the front desk who took my payment tried to upsell me on all kinds of mementoes. 

After a few days, I wrote a letter to the actual doctor who treated her, asking for an informed guess about what had taken her from a playful farm dog to death so fast. 

I have not received an answer. 

Her cost of care for twelve hours was 1880.00. 

Now, my comment about all this... and remember, I have been there many times in the past. 

I noticed when Bullseye was there last summer that things had changed... we were now addressed by the pet's name, not our surnames.  Upselling happened as soon as we were in the room with the young vets... they are a for-profit hospital of course, though they  provide a needed service for emergencies. 

I believed the night Bully was there that he was set aside as not serious and minimum care given. 

I believe the same happened to Zoey... that she was kept "comfortable" and left in the chamber to let nature take it's course, because I had not agreed to the 6000.00 plus care that was estimated. 

If the vet had told me to my face "your dog has no chance unless we expend thousands of dollars of specialized care".... I would have euthanized immediately to spare her the agony of suffering, and for that, I am furious with myself. 

Will I go there again?  I pray I do not have to, ever.  Do I recognize I may have to?  Yes, and they are the closest of the two emergency hospitals.  

Ultimately, I am angriest with myself for not insisting that we immediately euthanize after the vet talked to me after I had been there two hours.  I have taken myself to task night after night, and for the first four days, could not hold down any food I was so upset.  

I miss my little girl.  It hurts me that she suffered so. 

I have not put anything about this on Facebook, though I shared it with her groomer when I cancelled her appointment,  and then told the groomer it was okay to make a tribute, not realizing she meant for FB.  None of my friends but one saw it.  I literally have not been able to talk about it for two weeks, and have told very few friends and my family.  I am still looking for her, and reaching for her in bed.  I am starting to cry again while typing this.  I still can't believe it. 

Cats and More

Look at this glorious sight I took yesterday, Sunday the 5th!  

I only had the smaller Canon in my hand, not the big guy (Nikon) with the long lens... and I was taking pictures of the many geese flying over. 

I realized when I came in that that was a line of Trumpeter Swans! 

I had seen a picture posted earlier last week in the county and asked where they had been seen, but did not get an answer.  Well.. now I know... over my own house!  

Oh, there were plenty of geese, too. 

I'm glad I got the pictures last night because even though it is 65 degrees right now, 

the wind is blowing steadily at 25 mph, with gusts up to fifty.  I can hardly walk in it, and the chickens are hiding under the big hen house. 

Even the dogs who would normally have stayed out for an hour or two are here in the house with me, it was so hard for them to walk. 

This little critter is Teenie the Meanie, only the only one she is mean to now is Mama.  She and Mama have never gotten along.  Teenie has shifted from the shop (my barn) to the house porch.  

Coco, the black cat, sleeps in the old hen house and Wanda in the big hen house.  Teenie is sleeping on the porch now in a dog house.  Or... sometimes in the dog house.  I have found her curled up in a porch chair numerous nights.  I know she goes in the shop sometimes at night, because I see her on camera in there, but... Mama is in there. 

She is not afraid of the dogs, but Zoey does still bark at her.  Zoey has a vendetta against Coco, I don't know why. 

This, my friends, is why I have to change out the water in the bowl in the shop almost daily.  The doggone raccoon gets in almost every night, and takes a bath in the heated water.  I almost don't blame him.  I lock up all the cat food but there are always scraps and he and a couple of possums go in and out. 

This is a very badly lit picture, but here is another view of the shop at night... Mama cat is on the left getting a drink from the bowl... and a possum is looking at you from the deep straw in the big dog house in there.  I had noticed a deep depression, and I knew Cleo and Mama were sleeping up high... the possum must curl up frequently and rest at night.  We had frigid nights as recently as last week... now we have a string of more temperate weather with nights in the twenties.  I actually disconnected the two heaters in there to give my bill a little rest .  I unhooked the heat lamp in the first picture but then turned it back on when I realized Cleo used  the bed off and on.  

I am getting a little worried about my beautiful Buddy.  He went to the rescue's doctor three weeks ago and had a senior panel run, and everything looked good.  However, he has slowed WAY down since then.  It takes him a long time to cross the yard, and sometimes he has to lay down and rest for a while.  

I have a ramp out in the shop which I am going to try to carry over this evening and set up on the patio steps, but I have only ever had one dog that would use it.  We will see if he does.  The steps on the east side of my porch are not big... and he can still do them easily.  

The other things that worries me is that he is only eating about a third of what he was eating. 

He has been the gentlest, sweetest foster boy.  I hope we have some time left. 

He puts himself in his crate all the time (the door is open)... he spent almost the whole day in there yesterday and sleeps in at night sometimes, though he has a soft bed.  When it is really cold out I turn the little heater on... it is on the left in that picture, and I know the heat feels good for him.  

Cleo is sleeping in Fritzi's old bed in the shop.  She always looks mad.  It took two years for Cleo to let me touch her, and she is currently shying away again if I come too close.  She is spayed, don't worry. 

Bullseye, for some reason, hates Cleo.  I have to lock him up when I do chores. 

I think Bullseye is also feeling a little under the weather.  He spent most of the day inside yesterday and is behind me right now as I type this.  I have made him a bed on top of Buddy's crate (he just went in it) and he is curled up going to sleep.  I foresee some visits to the vet in our future.  He has had all shots and is neutered... I am hoping it is nothing serious. 

Wanda.  She loves her little nest bed. 

What I see when I do chores every night.  Zoey has to go... she cracks me up. 

It was cold that night and she had her little sweater on.  

My boys. 

Beautiful Susie is still alive,  even after last week's bitter weather. 

She is inside today, I think the wind was too much for her. 

I lost my sweet little Silkie hen, Mary.  She suddenly looked terrible, all hunched over.  I checked to make sure her vent was not closed with poop... it wasn't.  Chickens are prey animals and they do not show you they are sick until they are almost gone.  This was Mary's last night, she was gone when I went out in the morning. 

Poor little Pipsqueak looked for her everywhere.  I tried letting him loose with the big birds but he got beaten up a couple of times, so now I am carrying him in and out to his little pen. 

I am going to buy a few hens for the Ag Hall, and I'll try to find a little hen I can put with him. 

Gosh, it's 3:14, I just realized.  I need to wind this up and get ready to do chores.  I am trying to still lock everyone up by four.  I think they will be glad to go in tonight!  

Cleaning hen houses will soon be on the bill, the little hen house, despite it's having been cleaned totally in October, is a disgrace.  My grandson Jax will be busy as soon as we are sure the weather is going to be better.  I am going to try fine shavings this time instead of straw. 

Sorry.... I HAD TO DO IT!!!

You can imagine what it is like here in the Kansas City metro area this week. 

Here we go, Chiefs!!!!