How To Write - Clearer Sentences

Your facilitator:
Professor Inger Mewburn (better known as @thesiswhisperer) was born on

Nuenonne country, which is now known as Tasmania, Australia (always was, always
will be, Aboriginal land). She has a background as a designer and a researcher, which
was nurtured at the University of Melbourne and RMIT University.
Since 2006, she has worked exclusively with PhD students and early career
academics, helping them finish complex research projects with (very) demanding
stakeholders. She’s passionate about people reaching their potential as researchers
and helping create a kinder, more inclusive academy.
Inger is currently the Director of Researcher Development at The

Australian National University where she oversees professional development
workshops and programs for all ANU researchers. Aside from creating new posts on
the Thesis Whisperer blog, she writes scholarly papers, books and book chapters
about research education, with a special interest in post-PhD employability.
You find out more via her Linkedin profile, Amazon author page, or on Wikipedia.
You can view her publications and books on the Thesis Whisperer About page. A full
list of her scholarly work is available via her Google Scholar page or OrcidID. She is a
co-creator of the PostAc app and co-hosts a regular podcast called ‘On the Reg’ with
Dr Jason Downs.
Didacti
Academics often write sentences that are perfectly 'correct'
but terribly difficult to understand. We know clear writing is
more likely to be read and shared even in academic circles,
c for so it's in your interest to strive for clarity. English is a ‘writer

responsible’ language where you have to work hard to make
this sure your reader can follow your train of thought. In this
webinar we will find out why some sentences are
unintentionally vague and explore some simple ways to fix
worksh them. This webinar has some short, practical exercises to
improve your writing, so make sure you have some of your
op drafts handy. You can work on thesis chapters, journal

papers or blog posts - whatever you like!
How to write:
Clearer sentences
Material prepared by Professor Inger Mewburn

This slide deck is released under a creative commons, share alike, non-commercial attribution
license.
The explanations, examples
and activities in this webinar
are from our book, published
through Open University Press:
How to Fix your academic writi

ng trouble: a practical guide
Link to the ANU library copy of the book:

How to fix your academic writing trouble
‘Writing Trouble’ was so
successful, we wrote another
book!
Level up your essays: how to ge

t better grades at University
Available via NewSouth Press

or in all good bookstores.
We all have ‘fossilised writing
habits’ laid down over many
years of learning.
Photo by @gigem1984
from Unsplash
It’s easy to be vague in
English.
English evolved in trading

ports during periods of
colonisation.
An English reader is not as

comfortable guessing what Image by @arstyy
on Unsplash
you mean.
Consider these two sentences:
“Most of the recommendations were

related to project management, public
debt management, budgetary reforms
and financial sector reforms. This makes
decisions difficult”
The second sentence creates confusion

debt management, budgetary reforms
and financial sector reforms. This makes
What does ‘this’
refer to in the
previous sentence?
Or is the first sentence the problem?

‘This’ could
related to project management, public be any one of
debt management, budgetary reforms these factors.
Or all of
and financial sector reforms. This makes them: ‘the
decisions difficult” vibe’
What does ‘this’

refer to in the
previous sentence?
Image by
Technically, ‘this’ is a @matgraphik

Unsplash
‘demonstrative’ word - it
works better in person than in
writing.
“I want this pastry” makes

sense when you can point at
it.
In writing, you must be more

explicit about what ‘this’ is,
like so:
‘I want the pastry on the top:

the one with the most
chocolate.’
Saying what ‘this’ is helps your reader!
Sometimes what you need is a
summary word or phrase to capture a
list in the previous sentence, like so:

We have now
debt management, budgetary reforms clarified what
and financial sector reforms. This large ‘this’ is (the vibe)
with a summary
set of recommendations makes phrase.
A 10 minute vagueness fix
(page 63 of How to Fix your academic writing trouble: a practical guide)
Are you relying too much on the previous sentence(s) to create clarity for
your reader?
Search in your own work for the word ‘this’. Examine each example you find,
especially where ‘this’ is at the start of a sentence.
If there is more than one word that could be ‘this’ in the previous sentence,
the reader can be confused.
Where appropriate, add additional words to tell the reader what ‘this’ is.
You can also look for ‘these’, ‘they’, ‘that’ and ‘it’, which are also tricky
semantic placeholders.
Vagueness examples
(page 63 of How to Fix your academic writing trouble: a practical guide)
What is ‘this’ in the following sentences? Rewrite to clarify what ‘this’ is.
“One key way security issues in the Indo-Pacific are being managed is through
regional diplomacy. In this, it is important to be aware of the role that the so-
called ‘Quad’, or Quadrilateral Security Dialogue, and to understand the
strengths and limitations of this grouping .”
“Some point to the response to the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake and
tsunami as the precursor to the Quad grouping – others note that its origins
are earlier, dating back to the 2002 ‘trilateral strategic dialogue’ between
the US, Japan and Australia. This was all about early 20th century security
priorities, like terrorism and nuclear proliferation, but of course the security
challenges for Quad participants today are much broader than these .”
Writing and speaking are very different
‘Englishes’. Academic english is a separate
‘dialect’ of English.
The main difference? Academic writing tends

to be nominalised.
Verbs are turned into nouns, usually by adding

a suffix, like so:
Judge ---> judgement

Evaluate ---> evaluation
Criticise ---> criticism
Speech is often un-nominalised. Here’s an
imaginary conversation about someone’s PhD
progress where Verbs are mostly being Verbs:
Supervisor: “how’s the writing going? Weren’t

you going to send that chapter to me?”
PhD student: “Look, I was in a hurry to finish it,

but my computer had a huge crash! I couldn’t
turn it on! And I had to go to ITS. They said it
will take a week to work out what’s wrong with
it. So no, I haven’t done any new writing. Sorry.
Now imagine this conversation, but
nominalised:
Supervisor: “I hope you have written that

chapter. It was my expectation that I would see
it soon. ”
PhD student: “While I was attempting to

finalise the chapter my computer crashed. The
computer was completely unresponsive. I
contacted ITS. Apparently it is hard to perform
a diagnosis of the problems for at least a week.
My apologies.
Writers on academic style differ in their views!
“Nominalisations are useful in academic writing. The

capacity to pack more information into noun groups
increases the possible content of a text.”
Kamler and Thomson, Helping doctoral students to wri
te
“I call them “zombie nouns” because they cannibalize

active verbs, suck the lifeblood from adjectives and
substitute abstract entities for human beings”,
Helen Sword, New York Times.
Exercise: 10 flex your nominalisation muscles!
(page 97 How to Fix your academic writing trouble: a practical guide)
Search your text for anything with the suffix: -ion, -ism, -ty, -ment, -ness, -ance, -
ence,-able, -ac, -al, -ant, -ary, -ent, -ful, -ible, -ic, -ive, -less, -ly, -ous.
Pull out a sentence that has one or more of these words, like this one:
“Several job ads mention mobility, for example, a willingness to work from remote locations at
specific times of the year and/or the ability to travel interstate and overseas” (from
‘Academic superheroes: a critical analysis of academic job ads’ by Pitt and Mewburn, 2016)
Un-nominalise the sentence by replacing with active verbs - in this case mobility
becomes mobile and willingness becomes willing:
“Several job ads mentioned a desire for academics to be mobile and willing to work from remote
locations at specific times of the year and/or the ability to travel interstate and overseas.”
Ask yourself: Is the sentence better?

What about commas? Commas help you
create longer sentences that still make
sense.
Without commas you have Parataxis.

Parataxis is Plain English. Just one sentence.
Followed by another sentence. Parataxis is
direct. Your sentences are short.
Perhaps too short?

When you have too many commas you create hypotaxis:
The use of clause after subordinate clause, which creates

sentences of deeply satisfying complexity, that, even while
you might get lost a little between the commas, reassure the
reader that an academic of sober-minded, careful,
disposition is tapping away at the keyboard crafting very,
very polite sentences which, because of those glorious
clauses and subordinate clauses, will make you feel like
you’re eating dry toast. You’re on safe ground with all that
hypotactic fun, believe me, because it's impossible to be too
enthusiastic, or too rude, about anything when you write this
way. It’s no wonder since academics love being passive
aggressive (which, by the way, is the avoidance of directly
saying what they think) that most ‘serious’ writing is full of it.
A 5 minute sentence length fix
(Guidance from page 97 of
How to Fix your academic writing trouble: a practical guide)
People often make long sentences trying to ‘squeeze’ more

meaning into less words. This strategy rarely works.
How many subordinate clauses you include in your sentences

is entirely up to you. Whatever you decide, try to make sure
your sentences are between 25 and 35 words long; never
more than 50.
Have a look at your sentences now - what’s the average

length? Do they vary much? Try making them between 25
and 35 words long. What do you notice?
Long sentence example
(Guidance from page 97 of
How to Fix your academic writing trouble: a practical guide)
Try to break the following monster sentence up and say the same
thing without adding any more words:
“On becoming Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd visited China's foreign

minister, Yang Jiechi, even before visiting Japan, and subsequently
organised a meeting between Yang and the Australian foreign
minister, Stephen Smith, in which Australia unilaterally announced
it would ‘not be proposing’ a second round of dialogue between
the partners.”
Hint: identify the cause and effect relationships the sentence is

trying to express before you start.
It takes years to be a good writer - we’ve only spent a short time
together. There’s more in our book:
How to Fix your academic writing trouble: a practical guide
Here’s some other recommended reading:
The Writer’s diet: a guide to fit prose
Style: 10 lessons in clarity and grace
The Reader's Brain: How Neuroscience Can Make You a Better Writ
er
The elements of Eloquence

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Your facilitator:

Professor Inger Mewburn (better known as @thesiswhisperer) was born on

Inger is currently the Director of Researcher Development at The

c for so it's in your interest to strive for clarity. English is a ‘writer

op drafts handy. You can work on thesis chapters, journal

Material prepared by Professor Inger Mewburn

How to Fix your academic writi

Link to the ANU library copy of the book:

Level up your essays: how to ge

Available via NewSouth Press

English evolved in trading

An English reader is not as

“Most of the recommendations were

“Most of the recommendations were

“Most of the recommendations were

What does ‘this’

Technically, ‘this’ is a @matgraphik

“I want this pastry” makes

In writing, you must be more

‘I want the pastry on the top:

“Most of the recommendations were

The main difference? Academic writing tends

Verbs are turned into nouns, usually by adding

Judge ---> judgement

Supervisor: “how’s the writing going? Weren’t

PhD student: “Look, I was in a hurry to finish it,

Supervisor: “I hope you have written that

PhD student: “While I was attempting to

“Nominalisations are useful in academic writing. The

“I call them “zombie nouns” because they cannibalize

Ask yourself: Is the sentence better?

Without commas you have Parataxis.

Perhaps too short?

The use of clause after subordinate clause, which creates

People often make long sentences trying to ‘squeeze’ more

How many subordinate clauses you include in your sentences

Have a look at your sentences now - what’s the average

“On becoming Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd visited China's foreign

Hint: identify the cause and effect relationships the sentence is

How to Fix your academic writing trouble: a practical guide

Here’s some other recommended reading:

The Writer’s diet: a guide to fit prose

Style: 10 lessons in clarity and grace

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