Spsc-Social-Emotionalbegginer Internationale

Social and Emotional
Competence of Children
Sometimes children need help
expressing their feelings and
emotions. Parents and caregivers
can help children learn to
communicate clearly, recognize
and regulate emotions, and build
and maintain relationships.
“Perhaps the closest thing to a general law of parenting

is that supportive, warm, sensitive, and responsive child
rearing is associated with the development of social
competence in the young” (Peterson & Hann, 1999, p. 336)
Children need to learn social skills, such as sharing and
being respectful, and emotional skills, such as using words to
express feelings and emotions
 753 kindergarteners followed for 20 years. Those rated high
in social competence skills were… (i.e. “resolves peer problems”,
“listens to others”, “shares materials”, “cooperates”, is “helpful”) (at age 25)
 More likely to attain higher education
 Working in higher paying jobs
 Experiencing better mental health
 Less likely to drop out, abuse drugs & alcohol,
need government assistance & have a criminal
record
Parenting and Emotions
Fish swim, birds fly, people feel
 Emotion Dismissing
 Unhappy emotions should go away/be minimized.
 “There is no reason to be _____” or “Just
get over it!” or “Cheer up, it’s not that bad”
 Discourages children from sharing feelings or
trusting their own feelings.
 Emotion Disapproving
 Emotions are a sign of weakness – Children
should be tough.
 “You shouldn’t feel that way!” or “Don’t be a wimp!”
(Based on Emotion Coaching: The Heart of Parenting, John & Julie Gottman, 2013)
KEY!
Emotion Coaching Understanding

and Empathy
A parenting style that promotes positive behavior
5 Steps
1. Be aware of your child’s emotions
2. Recognize emotions as opportunities
for connection and teaching
3. Listen with empathy and validate
feelings
4. Label their emotions with words
5. Set limits and problem solve
***ALL
feelings and wishes are acceptable***
***NOT all behaviors and actions are acceptable***
(Based on Emotion Coaching: The Heart of Parenting, John & Julie Gottman, 2013)
Emotional Mirror
Children need caregivers to respond appropriately to

their emotions, especially their strong emotions.
They need an environment where they feel safe

expressing their emotions.
“Mirror”
children’s
emotions
From a mirror kids want an

image, not a sermon
Messages of Love
 There are at least three “languages” of love:

 Show Me (e.g. time, gifts, service)
 Tell Me
 Touch Me
 Parents and caregivers can

send a message of love by:
 Noticing what children ask for
 Noticing how children send
messages of love
Bids for Connection
 Three ways to respond to bids for connection:

 Turning away
 Turning against
 Turning toward
Why do children make so many bids?

Can you think of examples?
Why is it important to “turn toward” bids
for connection?
What might turning toward children’s bids for connection
teach them in their own relationships?
Granting in Fantasy What
Can’t be Granted in Reality
 If wishes can’t be granted, grant them in fantasy.
 It does not give them what they want, but it gives
them the next best thing – knowing you heard them
and understand.
How do positive responses to children
build emotional and social competence?
 Early experiences (positive & negative) impact brain

development, including “adverse childhood experiences”
Genes cause brain cells to form

connections – but so do positive
interactions with caregivers –
including reading and responding!
 Resilience is possible – secure warm relationships have a

protective effect
 Positive attention & stimulation cause new connections to form
neural “learning pathways” & strengthens existing ones.
Children with Special Needs
 If you have a child with special needs, what do

you need from others in order to support his/her
social/emotional development?
 If you work with families who

have children with special
needs, what do you already
do to support their social/
emotional development?
Key Principles:
 Parents and caregivers serve as the primary role models for children.
 Children need messages of love that are unique to them.
 Children do best when parents and caregivers
turn toward their bids for affection, attention,
and connection.
 Children need an environment where
they feel safe expressing their emotions.
 Feelings must be dealt with before
behavior can be improved.
 Grant in fantasy what you can’t grant in reality.
 Parents should model the principles.

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Social and Emotional

“Perhaps the closest thing to a general law of parenting

Emotion Coaching Understanding

A parenting style that promotes positive behavior

Children need caregivers to respond appropriately to

They need an environment where they feel safe

From a mirror kids want an

 There are at least three “languages” of love:

 Parents and caregivers can

 Three ways to respond to bids for connection:

Why do children make so many bids?

 Early experiences (positive & negative) impact brain

Genes cause brain cells to form

 Resilience is possible – secure warm relationships have a

 If you have a child with special needs, what do

 If you work with families who

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