* Love and Sexuality

Sosc 3
Ai Mijares

* Modern social scientists do not consider love to be

a serious topic for research?
* It is possible to be in love with two people at the
same time
* Research has found that high blood pressure is
associated with love deprivation
* Studies consistently show that women are more
romantic than men
* Jealousy may have both negative and positive
consequences for individuals and relationships

*True or False?

* Buddhist conceptions of Love:

* Unfortunate love (self-love)
* Good kind of love (creative spiritual

attainment)= love of detachment (not in the

sense of emotional withdrawal but of gladly
accepting others or accepting others as they are
without requiring them to be like you)

*Nature of love:

ancient views

* Phileo- love based on friendship and can exist

between family members, friends, lovers

* Philanthropia = love of humanity

* Agape- love based on a concern for the wellbeing

of others ; spiritual and non-sexual ; altruistic and

requires nothing in return
* Eros- sexual love; seeks self-gratification and
sexual expression

* In Greek mythology, Eros was the god of love and the

son of Aphrodite. Plato described true eros as

sexual love that exists between two men; hence
homosexual sex is the highest form of love because it
exists independent of the procreative instinct and
free from the bonds of matrimony

*Greek and Hebrew

* Maslow : B-Love and D-Love

* Maslow believed love was a basic psychological need. The

need to love and be love must be satisfied for individuals to

realize their innate potential for maturity and selfactualization

B-Love: love for the being of another person; unneeding love

or unselfish love; not possessive, more autonomous and less
jealous or threatened
D-Love: Love based on deficiencies; selfish love; D-lovers have
deficiencies in their nurturing and have been deprived of love
and thus hunger for it desperately; seeks gratification rather
than growth; dependency; jealousy, possessiveness

*Modern views

* Sociologist Alan Lee (1973,1988) identified 6

styles of love:
1. Eros (romantic, passionate love)
2. Ludus (game-playing love)
3. Storge (friendship, companionate love)
4. Pragma (logical, pragmatic love)
5. Mania (possessive, dependent love)
6. Agape (altruistic, selfless love)

*Love Styles

* Lee believed it was possible to be

simultaneously in one type of relationship with

one person (e.g., erotic) and in another type
(storgic) with another person
* A Love Attitudes Scale based on Lees typology
has been developed

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Eros: I feel that my lover and I were meant for each other
Ludus: I enjoy playing the game of love with a number
of different partners
Storge: Love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious,
mystical emotion
Pragma: It is best to love someone with a similar
background
Mania: When I am in love, I have trouble concentrating on
anything else
Agape : I would rather suffer myself than let my lover
suffer

*Love Scale based on

Lees typology

*Women report themselves to be less ludic and

more storgic and pragmatic than men

*Correlates with sexual attitudes as measured by
the Sexual Attitudes Scale
*1. Permissiveness (open, casual sexuality)
*2. Sexual Practices (responsible, tolerant sexuality
*3. Communion (emotional, idealistic sexuality)
*4. Instrumentality (egocentric, biological
sexuality)

* Ludus with Permissiveness and Instrumentality

* Eros with Communion and Sexual Practices

*Gender-

Differentiated Results

* Psychologist Zick Rubin (1973) developed a

love scale of characteristics of people who

defined themselves as in-love

* Attachment- desire to be with the other person

and to feel emotional support from the other
person
* Caring- concern for persons well-being
* Intimacy- desire to disclose personal thoughts
and feelings through communication with the
other person

*Attachment, Caring

and Intimacy

* Love may be described as being on a

continuum from romantic to realistic

* Romantic- love at first sight, love conquers all
* Realistic- people who have been in love for
several years

*Romantic versus

Realistic Love

* Depends on how one defines and measures

romanticism. If one conceptualizes

romanticism as a tendency to fall in love
quickly, men are more romantic because they
tend to fall in love more quickly than women.
But if one conceptualizes romanticism as a
tendency to form intense and lasting bonds,
women are more romantic (Walsh, 1991)

*Who is more

romantic? Men or
women

*We identify love with emotional expression and

talking about feelings, aspects of love that women

prefer and in which women tend to be more skilled
than men (Cancian, 1987)
*Love, then has become feminized (Cancian).
*Love is the one domain in which women are thought
to excel and to represent the healthy model of
normalcy
*One consequence of the feminization of love is that
men are not given credit or validation for their
instrumental style of loving (focuses on practical
help, shared physical activities, spending time
together and sex)

*Feminization of Love

* From a wifes point of view for instance: it is

not enough that he supports us and takes care

of us. I appreciate that, but I want him to
share things with me. I need for him to tell me
his feelings (Cancian)

*Not enough?

* Feminization of love obscures not only the

loving aspect of the male provider role, but

also the competent, active component of
womens love. = womens caring for others and
doing physical, productive (but unpaid) work
for their families a wife washing her
husbands shirt is seen as expressing feelings
while a husband washing his wifes car is seen
as doing a job

*How true?

* As an alternative to feminized conception of

love, Cancian suggested that love be viewed as

a combination of expressive (feminine) and
instrumental (masculine) qualities

*Love Combo

* Innate human experience of love to achieve

reproductive success and ensure the survival of

the human species

*Evolutionary theory

* Erikson (1963) suggested that infants must

experience love and trust with a parent or

parent surrogate and that the absence of initial
developmental bonding experiences makes it
difficult for the individual to form attachments

*Learning theory

* Love results from blocked biological sexual

desires
* Sigmund Freud (1905/1938) : aim-inhibited sex
and is a function of the social desire a person
was not allowed to express because of social
restraints
* In Freuds era, people would meet, fall in love,
get married and have sex
* He felt that the socially required delay from first
meeting to having sex resulted in the
development of love feelings

*Psychosexual Theory

* Theodore Reik (1949) suggested that love sprang

from a state of dissatisfaction with ones self and

that love represented a vain urge to reach ones
ego-ideal
* He believed that love was a projection of ones
ideal image of ones self on another person
* For example, a shy, passive, dependent person who
wishes to be assertive, engaging and independent
would probably fall in love with a person who had
these qualities
* Psychologist David Lewis (1985) invited readers to
make a list of their qualities, both favorable and
unfavorable to describe ones self

*Ego-Ideal Theory

* He then asked the readers to make another list

of the qualities they dont possess but would
like to describe the ideal self. Lewis
suggested that many people seek mates who
possess qualities they put in their ideal self
list. By attaching ourselves to and loving a
person who possess the qualities of our ideal
self, we compensate for our inadequacies. We
vacariously love our ideal self through loving
someone who is a reflection of that ideal self

* Ontology is a branch of philosophy that is

concerned with being

* Love, from an ontological perspective, may be
viewed as arising from a lack of wholeness in our
being
* Such lack of wholeness is implied in the division of
humans into males and females
* From an ontological perspective, love represents
womens desire to be united with their other
half and mens desire to be united with their
other half

*Ontological Theory

* This ontological view can be traced to Plato, who in

the Symposium, described an ancient myth about a

time when humans were physically different from
what they are today
* Platos mythic early humans had two organs and
appendages for every one we have today and
reproduce lid asexually by emission into the ground
like grasshoppers
* These mythical creatures were punished when they
challenged the authority of the gods and their bodies
were cut in half lengthwise, producing incomplete
beings who longed to reunite with their other half

*Platos mythical

humans

*Aristophanes

These incomplete beings

longed to reunite and
whenever the parts
encountered each other,
they threw their arms
around each other and
clung together. Their
desire to be reunited was
so strong that once
together, they would not
part even to take care of
survival needs
Zeus devised a way to
assure the survival of the
human species by moving
the reproductive organs
to the front so that
humans would conceive
new life while in each
others embrace

* The myth of Adam and Eve also suggests an

ontological view of love

* Paul Tillich, a modern Christian theologian, viewed
love from an ontological perspective and stated
that love is a dynamic reunion of that which is
separated (1960, 67)
* Eric Fromms (1963) view of love has an ontological
slant in that he viewed love as a means of
overcoming separateness of an individual and of
quelling the anxiety associated with being lonely
* Fromm regarded the individual as incomplete
without the experience of love

*Adam and Eve

Theory

Critique

Evolutionary

The assumption that women

and children need men for
survival is not necessarily true
today. Women can have and rear
children without men

Learning

Does not account for why some

people will share positive
experiences yet will not fall in
love; and why some people stay
in love despite negative
behavior

Psychosexual

Does not account for people who

report intense love feelings yet
are having sex regularly

Ego-ideal

Does not account for the fact

that people of similar
characteristics fall in love

Ontological

Does not account for

homosexual love. The focus of
ontological view is the reunion
of separated heterosexuals

* A number of biochemical events have been

associated with the experience of falling in

love
* When our senses of sight, smell and touch send
pleasure messages to the limbic system, the
hypothalamus releases a peptide called
adrenocorticotrophin, which triggers the release
of a hormone (ACTH) from the pituitary gland,
which then releases corticosterone, a substance
that increases the metabolism of glucose and
results in symptoms associated with love:
flushed skin, sweating, and heavy breathing

*Biochemical

Associations of Love

* Michael Liebowitz (1983) suggested that the

experience of romantic love is associated with

a naturally occurring amphetamine-like
substance called phenylethylamine (PEA)
* When we are in love, our brain produces
increased amounts of PEA
* One food that contains PEA is chocolate which
may explain why some love-deprived
individuals crave chocolates

*Chemistry of Love

* Biochemical factors play an important role in the

experience of love in producing physical arousal that is

associated with love
* However physiological arousal alone is not experienced
as love unless cognitive processes define such arousal
as love
* In order to experience romantic love, the individual
must be physiologically aroused and interpret this
stirred-up state as love (Shacter, 1964;Hatfield and
Walster, 1985)
* Biochemical perspective on love suggests that love may
be viewed as a natural high and can be quite addictive

*Natural High

* Love is often expressed through physical and

sexual touching
* Physical indices of love relationships have been
suggested by researches; Individuals who are in
love are more likely to maintain eye contact
with each other, to stand physically close and
to be affectionate with each other in public

*Love and sex

* Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron (1991) suggested

that the various views or theories of love and

sexuality may be organized along a dimension
having two extremes:
Love is really sex --------------------Sex is really love
(psychosexual theory)
(ontological theory)
( evolutionary theory)

*Dimension for

organizing theories of
love and sex

* Love is really sex

* Sex is really love

A. Views that consider love as resulting

from sexuality and views of sexuality
that ignore love
B. Views that emphasize sexuality,
considering love a minor or
subservient part of sexuality
C. Views that consider love and
sexuality as separate and probably
equal in importance
D. Views that emphasize love,
considering sexuality a minor or
subservient part of love
E. Views that consider sexuality as
resulting from love and views of love
that ignore sexuality