Why am I Upset?

Your Internal Guidance System

An Upset is your internal guidance system telling you that in
this moment an aspect of your life is out of alignment with
what you desire. If your emotions were a compass, an upset
is your compass alerting you that you have moved off of a
due North course.

When you feel upset it is critical to know that you cannot

control this emotional upset once it has occurred. You can
only respond to it. It is how you respond to an upset that
makes the difference between going further off of your due
North course or back onto your due North course. When
we do not use an upset to alert us to awaken or to become
fully aware, we tend to immediately unconsciously react
to the situation at hand. For example, we slam doors or
smoke a cigarette or yell at people or take an action that
we feel gives us power over someone else. This reaction is
a resistance to what is happening and so; it only serves to
make matters worse.

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A Set Up From The Universe
If you rearrange the order of the conjunct words that make up the word upset, you
will arrive at an interesting truth. An upset is in fact a set up. It is a set up on behalf of
the universe at large to make you completely aware of something you are currently
unaware of. You are being set up to awaken. You are being set up to integrate
what is un-integrated or heal what is unhealed within you. Because it is a set up,
acknowledge that this is not the universe working against you; this is the universe
offering you an opportunity.

Because the universe is alerting you to an opportunity to awaken, you can treat an
upset like an alarm clock going off, a red flag popping up or a meditation bell. Let the
discomfort of the upset snap you awake and bring all of your focus to the present
moment so that all of your conscious attention can be placed on the situation at
hand. Approach the upset with an attitude of “I am being called to become aware of
something in this moment.” You must address each upset with the awareness that
the upset is valid. It isn’t a matter of whether it is right or wrong to feel that way. So
let yourself feel your feelings completely without suppressing them or trying to force
them to go away.

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The ‘Recipe’ that
creates an Upset
Let’s look at the recipe of an upset to isolate the actual ingredient
that is causing the upset. There are three main ingredients that
create the recipe of upset:

a. An intention or desire that is opposed or prevented.

b. An expectation that has been unfulfilled.
c. An unsuccessful communication.

Each upset consists of one or all of these ingredients. And all of these
ingredients revolve around the fact that we think something should be
a certain way and it isn’t.

An example of an intention that is opposed or prevented is: “I intend to get

to work by eight o’clock, but the traffic jam opposed that desire and prevented
me from getting to work on time.” Opposed or prevented intentions and
desires cause us to feel emotions like hatred, rage, anger or if you are feeling
especially powerless, feelings of helplessness, hopelessness
and despair.

An example of an expectation that is unfulfilled is “I expect that my

husband keeps me emotionally safe, but he told me something negative that
someone else said about me and it caused me to feel bad.” Keep in mind that
expectations can be highly unconscious. Expectations give rise to feelings of
disappointment, sorrow and grief.

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 An example of an unsuccessful communication is: “I wanted to explain
myself to my best friend but all she did was hang up the phone when I
called.” Unsuccessful communication is a two way street. It can be about us
communicating to them or them communicating to us. Perhaps we failed
to be able to communicate with the other person because of the way we
worded something or the fact that they were not open to the communication.
Perhaps you withheld some authentic truth from them, or they withheld some
authentic truth from you. When we experience unsuccessful communication,
we may feel abused, like we failed, stuck, trapped, rejected and violated.

A Call To Awaken
When we feel an upset, we need to get completely aware about what intention or desire is
being opposed, what expectation is going unfulfilled and/or what needs to be communicated
that is not being successfully communicated. And those things are what we need to seriously
examine. We need to find a way to communicate directly with ourselves and with the people
we are in conflict with about these deep roots of the upset we are having so we are no longer
dealing with the surface of things. In other words, if my husband leaves his socks on the
floor, my anger is not about the socks being on the floor. My anger could be about the fact
that I expect him to respect me instead of take me for granted, and when he leaves his socks
on the floor so I can pick them up, he is failing to meet my expectation.

An upset is always a call to awaken.

It is always a set up on behalf of the
universe to call you to make a change…
A change to your thoughts, your
communication, your actions and
your situation.

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 The Resolving An Upset
Worksheet
(You may print this page and fill in the blanks. Use extra paper if needed.)

1. What happened?

2. In this situation, did I have a desire or intention that was being prevented or opposed?
If so, how? What did that make me feel? Why specifically did that make me feel so upset?
What did it make me feel like I might never be able to have or get?

3. Did I communicate my feelings, thoughts, desires, needs and anything else I needed to
communicate in a way that felt authentic and true to what is real about me in this situation?
If I did that or even if I didn’t, did I feel like the other person or people involved in the
situation actually felt me and saw me and heard me so as to really understand me? Did
I feel as if what I needed to communicate and my personal truth was received? If not, what
was my perception about how the communication was or wasn’t expressed and was or
wasn’t received?

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4. What painful experience in my past could this be a reflection of? What experience might
have been unresolved that this situation is bringing up into my consciousness again? In
that past, unresolved situation, what did I need in order to feel resolved? How can I meet
those needs to create that feeling of resolution relative to this situation, which is a repeat of
the last one, so it can be different this time? In many situations, we are not even aware of
what situation or past wound is being reflected in our present life because when situations
are non resolvable, we stuff them into our subconscious. For this reason, I have created
a process for discovering and resolving these past wounds that are causing recurrent
painful patterns and upsets in our adult life. It is called the Completion Process. You can
learn this process in my book that is quite literally titled: The Completion Process, or get
started now with my How To Heal The Emotional Body video on YouTube.

5. In this situation, take a look at the expectations you had and how they were unfulfilled.

a. What did I expect to happen?

b. What did I expect them to think?

c. What did I expect them to feel?

d. What did I expect them to say?

e. What did I expect them to do?

f. What do I expect them to do now to resolve the upset?

g. What did I expect myself to think?

h. What did I expect myself to feel?

i. What did I expect myself to say?

j. What did I expect myself to do?

k. What do I expect myself to do now to resolve the upset?

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Awareness and Resolution
You are never wrong to feel the way you feel. The way you feel is always a perfect and
accurate reflection of your perceptions, regardless of whether your perceptions are
accurate or not. But with this awareness, you can directly address your perceptions.
Ask yourself in this situation, what would they have to do to make it better? What
am I willing to do to make it better? And then ask yourself, is it realistic or fair? Look
over your expectations. Ask yourself: If none of them were present, no idea of how it
should be, what would be different and what might be possible? Sometimes if what
upset us, is a conflict with someone else, we need to be honest about whether we
want resolve/repair/connection or to win/be right/get the other to surrender. If
what you want is resolve/repair/connection, ask yourself, what might I have to give up
or accept in order to get closer to that in this situation?

Once you have the answers to these questions, you will have understanding about
WHY you are upset. Based on that awareness, you also will have a better idea of what
you might need and what needs to be communicated and what actions need to be
taken in order to feel a sense of resolve on your end. Upset is never pleasant, but it
will be better if from now on, you are willing to allow the universe to set you up so as
to become completely aware. Our only position of power is from reality. Becoming
clear about the reality of your upsets makes it possible to resolve them.

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 Additional Resource Videos:
UPSET (What To Do When You’re Upset)
How To Heal The Emotional Body
Follow The Feelings Process

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