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Book Title: eTextbook: Mastering Competencies in Family Therapy

Systemic–Strategic Family Therapy


Making a Connection: The Therapeutic Relationship

Making a Connection: The Therapeutic


Relationship

Respecting and Trusting the System

Systemic therapists respect the family as a system, as an entity that has its

unique epistemology, or way of knowing and understanding the world. They


have a deep, abiding trust that the system can reorganize itself without the
therapist forcing change. Instead, the therapist provides opportunities for the
family to reorganize itself. The symptoms are never seen as indicators of

individual pathology but rather as the by-product of family interactional


sequences that have served a purpose.

Adapting to Client Language and Viewpoint

In the first meeting, the therapist tries to establish a positive, trusting


relationship with the client (Nardone & Watzlawick, 1993; Watzlawick et al.,
1974). One approach is to adapt to the clients’ language, communication style,
and worldview, speaking logically with clients who focus on reason and more
intensely with clients who have a more emotional manner of expression. First
and foremost, the therapist respectfully engages with the client’s
representational framework or epistemology, including beliefs, values, and
language. This is the inverse of traditional psychoanalysis, in which the client
must adapt to the language and viewpoint of the therapist.

Neutrality

In 1978 (Selvini Palazzoli et al., 1978; Selvini Palazzoli et al., 1980), the Milan
team first described their therapeutic stance as one of neutrality, which has
been one of the most misunderstood concepts related to their work (Boscolo et
al., 1987). For the Milan team, neutrality connoted not only nonpartiality
toward particular family members or problem descriptions but also
multipartiality, the willingness to honor all perspectives.

In one sense, neutrality refers to the pragmatic effect the therapist has on the
family, not the therapist’s own feelings (Cecchin, 1987). Thus if, at the end of the
session, the family cannot identify which “side” the therapist took, then the
therapist has had the effect of being neutral. However, during the session, the
therapist often appears to take a side by asking questions that align with a
certain person’s view of the problem; the therapist must counterbalance this by
asking questions that align with each of the other perspectives so that at the

end the therapist is viewed as neutral.

Neutrality also implies not becoming attached to particular meanings,


descriptions, or outcomes (Boscolo et al., 1987). The Milan team carefully

avoided buying into any one description of the problem, including their own.
Neutrality extended to their own hypotheses and ideas about the family, and

they avoided “falling in love” with their own ideas. Later, Cecchin et al. (1992)
characterized this form of neutrality as a form of irreverence (discussed in next

section) that allows for broad maneuverability. When therapists do not rigidly
adhere to a particular problem description, they can see more possibilities for

intervention rather than focusing on the single solution that fits with their
preferred hypothesis.

Irreverence

The concept of irreverence was not highlighted until later in the literature

(Cecchin et al., 1992), but—when properly understood—it clearly captures the


therapist’s relationship to the problem (not the client). The magic of this

approach is derived from the therapist’s irreverent relationship with problems.

What is there to be irreverent about? Systemic therapists are irreverent

regarding the “catastrophic” appearance of problems. They do not give in to


the appearance that a person has a “personality flaw,” “illness,” “unresolved
childhood issue,” or other deep, troubling problem, even though problems

appear that way, especially to those who live with them. But the systemic
therapist knows that appearances are deceiving because problems are

intimately connected with the relational and broader social context. In a


different context, a person’s problem behaviors would be different. The context

and problem are always influencing each other. The art of irreverence is to not
honor the problem as a mighty foe and assume it has more power than it does.

Its power is entirely dependent on its context. With experience, the therapist is
able to see through the appearance of a “big, horrible” problem and instead see

that the person, problem, and context form a fluid dance—and experience
teaches that by changing only a few steps in the dance, the problem shifts,

diminishes, and eventually disappears.

Irreverence is felt in the therapist’s confidence and unpanicked response to

problem issues. It is driven not by disrespect but rather by fearlessness.


Whatever problem the client brings—whether the loss of a child or a teen’s

drama of the week—the therapist remains fearless, maintaining a deep sense

of calm and faith in systemic processes, knowing that the problems are never
as insurmountable as they appear and that systems are inherently self-

correcting. Irreverence does not imply lack of empathy or sensitivity. Rather, it


allows the therapist to maintain an openness, creativity, and flexibility to

provide maximum benefit to the client. In this chapter’s case study, the

therapist’s irreverence toward 16-year-old Alba’s decision to start drinking and


smoking pot after their parents separated keeps the therapist from being

overly panicked about the acting-out behaviors and enables the family to focus

on the issue: Alba’s sense of betrayal and loss. This breach of trust is

compounded by the father’s negative reaction to their identity as nonbinary 2


years earlier. By not overreacting to the drinking and drugs—but not ignoring

them either—the therapist gives them less power and creates space for the

more critical issues of betrayal and loss.

Maneuverability
Maneuverability refers to the therapist’s freedom to use personal judgment in

defining the therapeutic relationship (Nardone & Watzlawick, 1993; Segal,


1991; Watzlawick et al., 1974). Therapists may choose to maintain an expert

position or a one-down stance (see next section), depending on what would be

most helpful to the family. Similarly, the therapist may be more distant or more

emotionally engaged, depending on the circumstances. Furthermore, the


therapist may choose to be disliked by the client or be the “bad guy” in order to

achieve the desired change in the family system, always attuned to whatever

role might be most beneficial for the family.

The One-Down Stance, or Helplessness

The one-down stance is used to increase clients’ motivation, often

paradoxically by claiming, “I’m not sure if I am able to handle such a problem”

(Segal, 1991). This move is often helpful with clients who act as if their situation

is hopeless; when the therapist takes the hopeless stance, the client is
motivated to find hope. Systemically this works because in most systems there

is a counterbalance: if one person is hopeless, the other feels compelled to be

hopeful to maintain a balance. This same dynamic is also observed between

couples in crisis: generally one person will manage the crisis, allowing the
other one to more fully feel the panic and trauma.

Beyond serving this paradoxical purpose, the one-down stance also expresses a

certain attitude toward the family system. Systemic therapists view the system
as an entity with its own rules and integrity that must be respected, much like a

mountain climber must respect the awesome forces of nature or the sailor an

ocean. Like a family system, nature and the ocean are not things the therapist

can control; instead, there is a deep respect for their power and ways. Thus, the
one-down stance is a sincere and genuine position for a systemically trained

therapist.

Social Courtesy
Haley (1987) describes the initial stage of therapy as the social stage, a time
during which the therapist engages in casual social conversation, about the

weather or traffic, to make clients comfortable and reduce their sense of

shame: “the model for this stage is the courtesy behavior one would use with

guests in the home” (p. 15). Before discussing the problem, the therapist
ensures that all members have been properly greeted. During this first social

stage, the therapist is assessing interactions and mood (Haley & Richeport-

Haley, 2007).

Collaboration

Influenced by second-order cybernetics and social constructionist theories,

contemporary systems therapists adopt a more collaborative relationship with

clients (Tomm et al., 2014). Rather than assume a strategic posture by trying to

directly effect change, contemporary systemic therapists use reflexive


questions designed to facilitate client self-healing, in which the therapist and

client co-create new meanings and action (Gaete et al., 2014; Tomm, 1987a).

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