Human Sacrifice

Here’s another one of our spiritually uplifting activities.
We don’t do this one much anymore,

but it use to be really big. Human sacrifice. I miss that. The Aztecs loved human sacrifice
and they were good at it. Well, they got a lot of practice. For instance, right around the year
1500, the Aztecs sacrificed 80,000 people in one ceremony. Okay? 80,000 people in one
ceremony. You know what the occasion was? They were opening a new temple. Nothing like
religion for a little entertainment, huh? Especially that old time religion. You know how the
Aztecs went about their sacrificing? Here’s how they did it. They would do it right out in
public. Right in front of everybody. Big town. Beautiful city square. 20, 30,000 people
looking on. They would take the guy, lay him on an alter, cut his chest open, pull his heart
out, hold it up in the air while it was still beating. Got that? Cut his chest open, pull his heart
out and hold it up in the air while it was still beating. You know what you call that? Theater.
That is fucking theater. And although the procedure may have been a little too crude to be
considered the first bypass surgery, it could easily be seen as an early form of organ donor
program. The Aztecs, human beings just like us. Not too long ago, 500 years. Columbus had
already landed. This is just south of here. Mexico. And by the way, those hearts didn’t go to
waste. Did not go to waste. Because right after the ceremonies, the royal family, naturally,
would enjoy another one of our amusing activities, cannibalism. Imagine that. Chowing down
on another human being. You got to be all out of beef jerky, man. You got to be really
fucking hungry. But it happens, doesn’t it? It still happens to this day. A bunch of people
stranded in the wilderness, run out of Pop-Tarts, you got to eat something. Might as well be
Steve. And how do you decide who to eat first? How do you decide who’s first on the
barbecue rack? Do you pick on the little guy because he’s skinny and he can’t fight back? Or
do you all gang up on the body builder because he’s got a lot of steaks and chops on him?
These are things human beings have to consider.
One more of these charming diversions of ours, necrophilia. Now there’s a hobby for you.
Fucking a corpse. It takes a special kind of guy. Don’t you think? But it happens, it happens.
More than you might think. It happens among humans. Animals don’t do that. Animals don’t
fuck their dead. A rat will do a lot of gross things, but he will not fuck a dead rat. It wouldn’t
even occur to him. Only a human being would think to fuck someone who just died. We got
to be the most interesting critters on the planet. And then we wonder why a UFO doesn’t just
land and say, hello. You know the best thing about necrophilia? You don’t have to bring
flowers. Yeah, usually they’re already there. Isn’t that nice? It’s nice. It’s convenient.
Human beings will do anything. Anything. I am convinced. That’s why when all those beheadings
started in Iraq, it didn’t bother me. I took it right in stride. A lot of people here were horrified. “Oh,
beheadings, beheadings.” What are you fucking surprised? It’s just one more form of extreme human
behavior. Besides, who cares about some mercenary civilian contractor from Oklahoma who gets his
head cut off? Fuck him. Fuck him. Hey, Jack, you don’t want to get your head cut off? Stay the fuck in
Oklahoma. Stay the fuck in Oklahoma. They ain’t cutting off heads in Oklahoma. As far as I know. But
I do know this, you strap on a gun and go strutting around some other man’s country, you better be
ready for some action, Jack. You better be ready for some action. People are touchy about that sort
of thing. And let me ask you this while I have you good, clean Americans here. This is a moral
question, not rhetorical. I’m looking for the answer. What is the moral difference between cutting off
one guy’s head or two or three or five or ten and dropping a big bomb on a hospital and killing a
whole bunch of sick kids? Has anybody in authority given you an explanation of the difference? I have
not gotten an email on this. No one will talk to me. I haven’t gotten a postcard, not a fucking instant
message, nothin’. Now, in case you’re wondering why I have a certain interest and fascination, let’s
call it, with torture and beheadings and all of these things I’ve mentioned is because each of these
items reminds me in life, every time one of them occurs, it reminds me over and over again what
beasts we human beings really are, you know? When you get right down to it, when you get right
down to it, human beings are nothing more than ordinary jungle beasts. Savages. No different from
the Cro-Magnon people who lived 25,000 years ago in the Plasticine Forest eating grubs off of rotten
logs. No different. Our DNA hasn’t changed substantially in 100,000 years. We’re still operating out of
the lower brain. The reptilian brain. Fight or flight. Kill or be killed. Now, we like to think we’ve
evolved and advanced because we can build a computer, fly an airplane, travel underwater. We can
write a sonnet, paint a painting, compose an opera. But you know something? We’re barely out of
the jungle on this planet. Barely out of the

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Here’s another one of our spiritually uplifting activities.

We don’t do this one much anymore,

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