QAGS Second Edition

Steven Thum (order #1779505) 9
QAGS the quick ass game system
Second Edition
By Steve Johnson & Leighton Connor
ENCH
DALE FR
Hex Entertainment • Lexington, KY

CREDITS
Created and Written by Cover Art by Page Layout by
Steve John$on Dale French Sarabeth Brownrobie
Leighton Connor
Back Cover Coloring by Cartography by

Additional Material by Jimmy McKinney Steve Johnson
Dale French
Scott Bowden
Ray Forsythe Cover Layout by Various Other
Ray Forsythe
Contributions by
Edited by Carter Newton
Stacy Forsythe Interior Art by Colin Thomas
Lionel Houde Gary Bedell Jason Whisman
Ryan Trimble Dale French Alice Connor
Leighton Connor Steven P. Carrico
Rick Hudson Jason Cormier
project direction by Mark Kidwell Eddie Mefford
Leighton Connor Robert Kirkman Kevin Butler
Brandon Stevens
Robert Wilkirson
Playtesting, QAGS Shakespearean Tragedy by

Globe Theatre cast and crew, London, England, c. 1600
Special Thanks to
Meredith Newton, Jason Breuwer, Eddie Mefford, Marc Broering, Steve Whiles, John Bowden, Barry Crawford, Erik
Parrent, Andy Davis, Amy Kilpatrick, Thomas Slaughter, Ben Bingham, Chris Schinaman, Miles “Milos Sleddodopolis”
Sledd, Tomoko Sengoku, Mike Wachter, Natalie Wise, Ken Baughman, Chris Canary, Jason Corner, Gena Davis, Ione
Damasco, Ross Fulton, Lisa Garrison-Ragsdale, Sarah Hamer, Drew Happli, Martha-Lynn Harrison, Matt Kish, Cecil P.
Leibman, Clayton Oliver, Gunther Oszloo, Dani and Hugo Peterman, Mr. Pookums, Ken and Diane Rayfield, Matt Reber,
Jeremy Schraffenberger, Chris and Xan Sprouse,Cullen Bunn, Undaunted Press, the Johns of Archon, and countless others
who inadvertently assisted in bringing this thing to life.
ISBN 0-9714812-6-1
QAGS Second Edition is ©2003 Steve Johnson and Leighton Connor. The Hex logo is ™ 2003 Hex Games. All rights
reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without permission except short excerpts for the purpose of review, and
except for the worksheets in the appendix, which may be reproduced for personal use only.
Visit www.hexgames.com and www.deathcookie.com for more fun!

CONTENTS
Foreword ..................................................................................................................................................................................................................4
Introduction ............................................................................................................................................................................................................5
PLAYER’S SECTION
Chapter One: The Character ..................................................................................................................................................................................9
Chapter Two: Doing Stuff ......................................................................................................................................................................................20
Chapter Three: Combat, or, the Simple Joy of Rolling a Die and Knowing That You Have Killed Something ............................................24
Chapter Four: Yum Yums ......................................................................................................................................................................................30
Chapter Five: The Fine Art of Role-Playing ........................................................................................................................................................37
Intermission
With Fuzzball and Scuzzball ................................................................................................................................................................................42
G M’S SECTION
Introduction ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................44
Chapter Six: The Basics ........................................................................................................................................................................................45
Chapter Seven: The Story......................................................................................................................................................................................50
Chapter Eight: The Fine Art of GMing ................................................................................................................................................................56
Appendices
Appendix One: Big Lists of Words ........................................................................................................................................................................59
Appendix Two: Qik Start Rules ............................................................................................................................................................................60
Appendix Three: Qik Start Genre Guides ............................................................................................................................................................60
Appendix Four: Sample Characters ....................................................................................................................................................................71
Appendix Five: Useful GMCs ................................................................................................................................................................................74
Appendix Six: Stuff ................................................................................................................................................................................................75
Appendix Seven: The Hero’s Journey ..................................................................................................................................................................78
Appendix Eight: Solo Game ..................................................................................................................................................................................78
Appendix Nine: Stupid Maps ................................................................................................................................................................................79
Appendix Ten: Dumb Tables ................................................................................................................................................................................81
Appendix Eleven: Conversion Rules ....................................................................................................................................................................83
other crap
Glossary ..................................................................................................................................................................................................................83
Character Sheet ....................................................................................................................................................................................................84
Advanced Character Sheet ..................................................................................................................................................................................85
Worksheets..............................................................................................................................................................................................................90

QAGS [KWAGS] n. 1. Small, furry, carnivorous Antarctic mammals noted for their brightly-colored pelts. 2. (coll.) Symptoms
of a highly-contagious form of ringworm, e.g., “Granma done come down with the QAGS agin’.” 3. Quick Ass Game System.
FOREWORD
Standing here on my balcony, looking out at the city, I can’t believe how far I’ve come. I remember the old days with
Leighton and Dale. Leighton, a man whose bitterness was surpassed only by his creepy obsession with men and women in col-
orful tights, and Dale, the groovy, slightly unstable gay guy who would always hit you up for loose change and cigarettes. Those
were shitty days. I mean, you should have seen us. We worked on this farm, and our only job was to shovel manure. All day
long, five days a week, shoveling shit from one pile into another. It gets in your hair, on your clothes . . . at night you still stink
but you don’t care because you can’t smell anything, and besides, how can it get any worse? Since we smelled like shit, nobody
else would hang out with us. So we turned to beer, and role-playing games, to briefly escape from our terrible lives.
We had all kinds of adventures in those days. We sought out blasphemous tomes in gothic manors . . . we hacked apart
armies of goblins in forgotten kingdoms . . . we piloted our starship into the sun. And after every game we’d sit back and we’d
talk. Not about life—what the hell had life done for us?—but about role-playing games. We talked about how most systems
are too complicated, and why most people despise gamers, and possible ways to make gaming accessible to a wider audience.
Most of all, though, we talked about how we wanted to become rock star game designers, with all the money, groupies, and hard
drugs we could handle.
Of course all those dreams came true, but not without some hard work. Even now, standing on the balcony of my penthouse
suite, dictating this introduction to my assistant Yolanda, I can remember our inauspicious beginnings, huddled around my
computer writing QAGS. Dale didn’t last long, of course—last I heard he had headed off to Argentina to sign up with the revo-
lutionaries. Or with the loyalists, I’m not entirely sure. Leighton and I considered halting our work on QAGS until Dale
returned, but eventually realized that Dale might never be seen again. After all, he might be killed by the loyalists (or, perhaps,
the revolutionaries), or run off to Zanzibar to learn mystical secrets, or be abducted by Elvis—with Dale, anything is possible.
No, if we were going to realize our dream, Leighton and I would have to do it without Dale.
Leighton and I struggled onward. After a year of writing, editing, and hard drinking, we were ready to unleash QAGS upon an
unsuspecting world. All we had to do was dupe our friends out of enough cash to print the book, and then we started trying to
sell the thing. We sold copies at local game stores, appeared at conventions where everyone ignored us, and set up a web site
where people throughout the world could order our Magnum Opus. Times were hard in those early days—we had a lot of trou-
ble finding a distributor, keeping up with the business end of things, and even convincing our so-called “friends” to play the
game with us. Back then it seemed impossible that we would ever succeed. Even though I know Yolanda will soon draw me a
bath of goat’s milk and serve me caviar and hashish from an ivory platter, I feel, deep down, like I’m still that humble shit-shov-
eler who dared to follow his dream.
You know the story—QAGS went on to become a sensation and forever changed the world of role-playing games. A few days
ago, however, I received a call from the Hex offices. It seems sales of QAGS have leveled off. They think the market is saturat-
ed. A perfect time, in other words, for a new edition. Though I really don’t need the money, I immediately pledged my involve-
ment. I hand-selected a team of the finest ghost-writers in the Hex offices and set them to work. After days of hard work they
have presented me with the fruits of their labors. A new edition that is, I’m told, a worthy successor to the original QAGS that
Leighton, Dale, and I created all those years ago. I hear Leighton may have also been involved in the project, and perhaps
wrote some of it. Whatever the case, those of you who have never read QAGS before are in for a real treat. And those of you
who know the original QAGS will feel like you are revisiting an old friend, who’s now thicker and has a different cover.
What are you waiting for, Yolanda? That’s the end of the foreword . . . draw the fucking bath already.
Steve Johnson
Steve Johnson
Lexington, KY

INTRODUCTION
What Is Role-Playing?
Is it bigger than a breadbox? Is it a type of garden weasel? Is it an esoteric form of Indian cuisine? Yes! It’s all these things and
more! Put simply, role-playing is just like when you played ‘make-believe’ as a child. Remember when you and your teddy bear Mr.
Pookums had those elaborate tea parties . . . yet there was no tea, and Mr. Pookums was not alive! That’s imagination! That’s what role-
playing is all about!
No, Seriously, What Is Role-Playing?

Seriously? It really is like make-believe except that there are more rules. When you were a kid Mr. Pookums would do what you said.
Now that you’re a grown-up, playing with real live people, you need a system to resolve disagreements. The QAGS system uses dice and
candy to keep things running smoothly. Another difference from make-believe is that you’re too old to go running around the block wav-
ing a plastic sword. Now you need to sit around a table. This may sound boring at first, but trust us—while you’re sitting at this table
you and your pals will pretend to be other people and have thrilling adventures.
Most of you sitting around the table will be players, with Player Characters, or PCs. One lucky soul will be the Game Master, or GM.
Players control their characters; the GM controls everything else. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. Players can get away with
reading only the Player’s Section of this book. GMs must go that extra mile and read the entire book, including appendices.*
Once you’re ready to play you’ll need pencils, paper, a 20-sided die (d20) or two, and a few dozen copies of this book for easy refer-
ence. You’ll also need candy. Look for something bite-sized that you can buy in bulk, preferably something that all the players like to
eat. Go out and buy some now, but don’t start eating it yet—it’s an integral mechanic of the game. Trust us.
*
To be completely honest, if you just want to play or run QAGS, there’s a lot of stupid shit in this book you can ignore. Of course, if you want the total QAGS experience,
you really should read everything.
RICK HUDSON
QAGS SECOND EDITION 5

Why Quick Ass Gaming ?
Out of the thousands of RPGs on the market you picked this one. Why? Because
you’re not just sexy, you’re smart. And you’re too busy to spend a lot of time learning
an elaborate gaming system that requires a lot of number-crunching and cross-refer-
encing of charts. You want to have fun, and you want it now.
We understand and we’re here to help. When we say “Quick Ass,” we mean it—
WHAT IS A SIDEBAR?
once you read the character creation rules, you’ll be able to make up a character in Those of you familiar with Steve Jackson
five minutes or less, and start play soon after that. The rules are simple enough that Games’ GURPS line already know what a
you can keep the game running smoothly without consulting any charts. sidebar is, and can ignore this sidebar. For
the rest of you, a sidebar is a piece of
QAGS is designed for cinematic role-playing. The rules don’t attempt to recreate text that gives supplemental information
the real world. Reality is so complicated it would take an infinite number of rules. about the subjects covered in the main
And while we could hire an infinite number of monkeys to type an infinite number of text. Often, the sidebar is set aside graph-
rules, that would probably be cost-prohibitive. Instead, QAGS is modeled after fic- ically from the main text. We will be using
tion. In fiction, heroes can do things that ordinary people can’t, and drama is more sidebars extensively throughout this book.
important than physics. QAGS games are fast-paced and exciting. Don’t get us After all, why should Steve Jackson have
wrong, though—by cinematic we don’t just mean action movies. If it’s done well, a all the fun?
courtroom drama can be more exciting than a Jackie Chan flick.
In fact, QAGS is flexible enough to accommodate any genre, whether or not that genre appears in movies. Western, Kung Fu, Super-
Hero, Gothic Romance, Shakespearean Tragedy . . . QAGS can do it all. This second edition offers an extensive genre guide section on
page 60, giving you what you need to get started playing in ten of our favorite genres.
Not only can you vary your genre, but you can also choose from a wide variety of moods and tones for your games. Your game can be
silly or serious, a three-hour session made up on the fly or a three-year epic that explores the absurdity of the human condition.
Whatever you choose, QAGS will meet your needs. So quit wasting time in the introduction and get reading.
6 QAGS SECOND EDITION

Sample of Play Theater
Jesse’s phone rings.
Jesse: Hello. Luke: Whatever. Anyway, I think I’ve Luke: Nope. I met him on the Chris
found a couple of possible players. Elliot fan club message board. He
Luke: Hi Jesse, this is Luke. I was won- There’s this guy Bubba who works at seems like a really funny guy. He’s got
dering if you were gonna run a game the bottling plant with me. He used to this whole idea for a MUD based on
anytime soon. role-play and mentioned that he Cabin Boy, where—
wouldn’t mind getting back into it. He
Jesse: I’d like to, but, you know, ever said he’d bring his girlfriend along— Jesse: I really don’t need all the
since Bo went off to pursue his she’s never role-played, but he said details. Just find out when everyone
NASCAR career and Daisy joined the she’ll give it a try if he does it. can play and let me know.
Hare Krishnas, I don’t have the players
to run a game. Jesse: Well, that’d be three players, but
I’m a little worried that this girlfriend
Luke: And you’re uncomfortable with might not stick around.
me as a solo player because I’m
bisexual. Luke: Don’t worry,‘cause I’ve got
another player lined up. It’s this guy
Jesse: Dammit Luke, you know that Sparky that I met online—
isn’t true! I just, you know, don’t like the
idea of spending a lot of time on a Jesse: Online? Not in one of your
game that’s only for one person. bisexual chat rooms, I hope.

GARY BEDELL

CHAPTER ONE the character
S ome role-players like sweeping sword-

and-sorcery epics. Others prefer hard-
hitting detective stories. And others enjoy
now partner, put down those dice—we said
create a character. Good characters are
more than numbers on a sheet of paper. A
tence—where he lives, who his friends are,
what he does for a living—the easier it will
be to make your character come to life dur-
games about bisexual cheerleaders. With character in a role-playing game is like a ing the game. Make sure these details fit
QAGS, all these things are possible—but character in a book. Your character should with the character concept.
probably not at the same time. That’s why have feelings, dreams, neuroses, and geni- Background information: Consider the
it’s important for the gaming group to talia, just like you do. character’s education and training, child-
decide what kind of game they’ll be playing hood, and important events in his past. The
before character creation begins. Though basics will probably be obvious; you just
the GM will often have some ideas on the Character Concept need to add more depth. For instance, if
subject, she is not the final authority. The first step in creating a good charac- your character is a wandering kung fu
Everyone should agree on the desired ter is coming up with a character concept. fighter, it’s clear that his sensei was mur-
mood, tone, and subject matter of the The concept doesn’t have to be anything dered—but detailing what evil ninja clan
game. In practice, this may not be possi- fancy. “Hard-boiled Detective,” was responsible is vital to good role-play-
ble—there’s always one guy moping and “Bloodthirsty Viking,” and “Teddy Bear” ing.
whining that no one else wants to play a are all fine examples of character con- Character beliefs and values: Consider
fantasy game—but ultimately that’s his cepts. Discuss your concept with the GM your character’s political beliefs, spiritual
problem. If everyone else wants to play and other players. If they don’t actively life, and personal views on important
bisexual cheerleaders, the elf guy can hate it, you’re in! issues. It’s also important to know how
either join in or go home. Who needs him, Once you’ve got a basic character con- strongly held these beliefs are. Is you char-
anyway? cept you can work on the details. acter violently opposed to cannibalism, or
Brainstorm what the character’s life is only mildly nauseated by the idea?
like. There are six important things for you Character strengths and flaws: Think
Character Creation to consider. about what your character excels at doing,
Once you’ve figured out what you’re play- Place in the world: The more you know as well as what he’s not good at. Everyone
ing, it’s time to make characters. Whoa about your character’s day-to-day exis- has good qualities and shortcomings and
PCS AND GMCS

In a role-playing game, there are two main types of characters: Player Characters and Game Master Characters. The difference
between the two should be obvious from the names. Player Characters (PCs) are characters controlled by the players. Game
Master Characters (GMCs) are characters controlled by the Game Master. Usually, the PCs are the main protagonists of a story
and the GMCs are the supporting characters, but this isn’t strictly necessary. It’s perfectly okay for a player to run one of the sup-
porting characters or (more rarely) for one of the protagonists to be a GMC.
While players have complete control over their protagonist PCs, the GM has to exercise a certain level of control over supporting
characters to keep the story moving and believable. As long as everyone concerned agrees on where such control lies, there
shouldn’t be a problem. Usually, disagreements can be worked out by considering the character’s personality and background.
For example, an ally of the PCs who’s always been played as extremely greedy is unlikely to buy a PC a private jet, in spite of
what the player may say.
Sometimes, several different players (including the GM) may have a hand in a character’s creation, development, and control. A
player might create background information about the wandering swordsman the PCs are working with, a player might come
up with a subplot involving the kindly old man who raised one of the other PCs, or the GM might role-play a character’s alco-
holic brother because she’s good at acting drunk. Again, as long as everyone involved agrees to share control, this is perfectly
acceptable.
Note: For simplicity’s sake, whenever we refer to PCs in this book, we’re talking about the main protagonists. When we refer to GMCs, we’re talking about sup-
porting characters. Who’s actually playing these characters is between you and God.
QAG S SECOND EDITION 9

you should know those of your character.
Personality: Though your character’s
ARCHETYPES
personality will largely be created during
play, you should have an idea of how he
acts and how others are likely to perceive
him.
When coming up with your initial character concept, you might want to think in Goals and motivations: Everybody
terms of archetypes. Psychologist Carl Jung coined the term “archetype” during a wants something—material wealth, true
weekend coke bender with Siggy Freud, but it was Sir James Frazer who really pio- love, whatever. Decide what your charac-
neered the concept in his book The Golden Bough. Joseph Campbell borrowed ter wants and how hard he’s willing to
Jung’s archetypes to describe the mother of all stories, the Hero’s Journey, which work for it. Consider his plans for the
George Lucas promptly cribbed and turned into a multi-million dollar media empire. future, his hopes and dreams.
Once you have a crystal-clear vision of
Since role-playing is about stories, we’re most interested in Campbell’s work. what you want your character to be, you
Campbell defines seven basic archetypes that usually appear in the Hero’s are ready to translate that character into
Journey. Since most stories follow Campbell’s basic outline, chances are that you’ll game terms. Each character is represent-
see these guys from time to time in your games. The basic archetypes are outlined ed by the words and numbers on a charac-
below, along with common subtypes and examples. In addition to thinking about ter sheet (see page 84 for a sample char-
what archetype your character falls into, consider what PCs and GMCs will fill the acter sheet). To keep things clear we
other archetypal roles in relation to your character. refer to the words on the character
sheet—such as Body, Job, and
The Hero: The Hero is the main protagonist of the story. Since every PC should be a Gimmick—as “Words.” The numbers
central character, it makes sense that every character will in some way fit this attached to these Words are referred to as
archetype. Even if your character usually fits one of the other archetypes (for “Numbers.” Keep in mind that your char-
example, Mentor), there are going to be some stories and sub-plots in which he acter sheet will never fully describe every
plays the central role. Even if you plan for your character to fill a supporting role aspect of your character. Bringing your
most of the time, you should still consider what type of Hero he will be when it’s his character to life and making him believ-
turn in the spotlight. We’ve outlined the four basic kinds of Heroes below. able requires role-playing, not dice rolls.
The Yum Yum Character

The Champion: This is your basic, garden-variety hero. He wants to do good and
make the world safe for democracy, simply because it’s The Right Thing To Do. He is
moral, capable, and pure. Most young heroes start out life wanting to be
Champions, but many switch to other Hero types upon discovering that the world
Creation System
is a cruel, dirty, dangerous place. Still, some characters manage to remain Every QAGS character starts the game
Champions through strong faith, sheer force of will, or self-delusion. with a certain number of points called
Common Subtypes: The Knight (Luke Skywalker, Parcivale), Mr. Perfect (Superman), Yum Yums (YY), the exact number of
The Priest (Friar Lawrence), The Lawman (Andy Taylor), The Rookie (The rookie in which is determined by the GM. Be good
any cop movie)
The Reluctant Hero: Unlike the Champion, the reluctant hero doesn’t really want to
go out and risk his life. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get much choice in the matter. He
may be “the chosen one,” the only person who can do the job, or simply in the
wrong place at the wrong time. Given the choice, the Reluctant Hero would
rather stay home and watch TV, but he knows that sometimes a man’s gotta do
what a man’s gotta do.
Common Subtypes: The Chosen One (Frodo, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), The Best of
the Best (Derek Flint, Topper Harley), The [Insert Noun] With a Heart of Gold (Jack
QIK START
Burton, Bret Maverick), The Hunted (Sidney Prescott, The Fugitive), The Gay Love
Interest (Samwise Gamgee) CHARACTERS
While the Yum Yum-based character
The Crusader: As the name implies, this type of hero is out to further some cause creation system presented here
that he believes in—ending crime, converting the infidels, saving the environment, allows players a lot of control over
killing a huge fuckin’ shark, whatever. Unlike the Champion, the Crusader rarely their characters, it can be a bit time
acts out of simple altruism. He usually has personal reasons for doing what he consuming, taking up to 20 minutes in
does, and is not necessarily interested in doing good if it doesn’t further his own some extreme cases. If you’d like to
goals. Crusaders who let their dedication to the Cause outweigh good judgment start playing right damn now, we rec-
can easily become Anti-Heroes. ommend using the Qik Start
Character rules provided in
(continued on page 12) Appendix Two.

to your GM, and she may slip you a few acter needs to spot a hidden object or Sometimes, a character’s current profes-
extra. A player uses Yum Yums to “buy” remember who played Eunice on “Mama’s sion may not adequately reflect his skills
abilities and skills for his character. The Family”1, he rolls his Brain score. and training. For example, if your charac-
cost of a given ability depends on the type Nerve describes the character’s emo- ter works as a clerk but has gone to art
and score of the ability. When spending tional and social abilities. Characters school and sold some paintings, “Starving
Yum Yums, certain restrictions may with high Nerve scores are cool under Artist” is probably a better Job than
apply—ask your GM for details. pressure, have good instincts, and know “Retail Worker.” When deciding whether
Note: The costs here are only for char- how to interact with people. Nerve also your character’s day job should be his Job,
acter creation. Once the game’s started, describes a character’s willpower and it’s a good idea to consider the level of
use the rules in Chapter 4 for increasing ability to cope with fear or stress. A char- training needed for the job. For instance,
Numbers and learning new Words. acter uses his Nerve Number when he a character doesn’t need the “Whore” Job
wants to face down a monster or walk to get money for sex, but if she’s been
down the street without wearing pants. through Velvet Jones’ How to Be a Ho
Name training program, her Job is “Whore.”
This Word describes what your charac- A Job is more than just a set of skills; it
ter is called by other characters in the Jobs often suggests or defines a character’s
game world. Name does not require a A character’s Job describes what he role in society and lifestyle. While some-
Number, though players may include them does. This often means what he does for a one with the Job “Rock Star” does indeed
if they see fit. For example, “Demon Girl living, but this is not always the case. know how to play a guitar, there’s a lot
69” is an acceptable Name.
Body, Brain, and Nerve

Body, Brain, and Nerve describe a char-
acter’s natural abilities and aptitudes.
Most people have Body, Brain, and Nerve
scores between 6 and 16, with 11 being an
average score. These three Words
describe the character’s overall physical,
mental, and emotional/social conditions.
In order to describe extreme variations
within one of these three areas (for exam-
ple, a character who is physically fit but
extremely clumsy), you’ll need to choose
an appropriate Gimmick or Weakness.
The Yum Yum costs for Body, Brain, and
Nerve are equal to the character’s
Number in that Word. For example, a
Body of 15 costs 15 YY.
Body is the character’s overall physical
condition. This includes brute strength,
hand-eye coordination, manual dexterity,
agility, sperm count, and general health.
It also describes a character’s basic physi-
cal appearance, though it should be noted
that personal hygiene, mode of dress, and
even attitude can make a person seem
much more or less attractive than he real-
ly is. If a character wants to open a jar of
pickles or dodge an enemy’s attack, he’ll
use his Body score.
Brain describes a person’s mental abili-
ties. Common sense, memory, general
knowledge, and the ability to think
abstractly and solve problems are all
aspects of a character’s Brain. Brain also
covers a character’s perception of his
RICK HUDSON
environment and surroundings. If a char-

1
Carol Burnett

more to the Job. For instance, a typical
archetypes (continued from page 10) rock star has a record contract, groupies,
and huge piles of cocaine. The player and
Common Subtypes: The Crime Fighter (Batman), The Holy Warrior (Roland), The GM should work together to determine
Culture Hero (Cu Chulainn, George Washington), The [Insert Noun] in Search of the what trappings, benefits, and skills a Job
Truth (Fox Mulder, Spider Jerusalem), The Grizzled Veteran (Lou Grant, Quint) entails. They should also consider ways in
which a particular character departs from
The Anti-Hero: The Anti-Hero is a protagonist who does not necessarily possess the the stereotype.
qualities generally associated with the Hero archetype. While all heroes will have Once you’ve decided on a Job, you’ll
flaws, the Anti-Hero’s flaws are so extreme or prolific that it’s not entirely clear need to decide how good the character is
whether he even is one of the good guys. There are two primary subtypes of anti- at doing his Job. Jobs have a Number
hero: Comic and Tragic. The Comic Anti-Hero fails to live up to the heroic standard between 6 (world’s worst) and 19 (world’s
due to incompetence. In most cases, the hero wants to do the right thing, but he’s best). The average professional will have
too bumbling, stupid, or cowardly to get the job done. The Tragic Hero, on the a Job Number between 9 and 13. The YY
other hand, is more morally ambiguous. He fights the good fight, or at least thinks cost of a Job Number is equal to twice
he does, but his motivations or methods are questionable. If you’re considering an that Number. So, if a character wants an
Anti-Hero PC, make sure that he’s not just another bad guy. Without some redeem- “Airborne Ranger” Job with a score of 15,
ing qualities, it will be hard for the other PCs to justify keeping him around. it costs 30 YY.
Common Comic Subtypes: The Incompetent Hero (The Tick), The Drunk/Stoner
Gimmicks
(The Big Lebowski), The Delusional Hero (Don Quixote), The Gay Robot (C3PO)
Common Tragic Subtypes: The Vigilante (The Punisher), The Mercenary (The A-
Team), The Sadist (Dirty Harry), The Heroic Bad Guy (Seth Gecko), The Scumbag This Word is an unusual or unique trait,
Private Detective (Joe Hallenbeck), The Coward (Hoggle) advantage, resource, or ability your char-
acter possesses. For example, most people
The Mentor: The Mentor’s job is to guide the Hero through his quest. While the tradi- can’t just be vampires. But if your
tional Mentor is a wise old guy with a beard wearing a big sign that says “I’m Gimmick is “Vampire,” then by God, you
Gonna Die,” this is not strictly required. Any character who teaches the Hero, helps can be! In general, Gimmicks should not
him make important decisions, or helps him learn more about himself and his des- simply be skills that fall outside the scope
tiny is basically fulfilling the Mentor role. If you’re thinking about playing a Mentor, of your character’s Job. The exception to
keep in mind that your job is not to command the other party members. Instead, this rule is when a character has some
your character should share his insights, experience, and knowledge, but ultimate- kind of natural (or supernatural) knack at
ly let the others make their own decisions. using a skill that allows him to take it
Common Mentor Subtypes: The Wise Old Gray-Bearded Doomed Guy (Obi-Wan beyond the normal range of human
Kenobi), The Mysterious Stranger Who Teaches The Hero Something About Himself accomplishment. For example, a charac-
(Shane, several Clint Eastwood characters), The Shaman (Reverend Cleophus ter with the Gimmick “World’s Greatest
Jones, Yoda), The Wise Servant (Alfred the Butler), The Spunky Young Runaway Who Archer” will be able to do things with a
Shows the Hero How To See the Good in Everyone (Little Orphan Annie), The bow and arrow that are clearly in viola-
Disgraced Hero (Crash Davis, The Waco Kid), The Redeemed Villain (Angel(us)) tion of the laws of physics. In most cases,
you can’t learn a Gimmick; you either
The Herald: The Herald’s main role in the story is to get things moving by delivering have it or you don’t.
a message, issuing a challenge, or whipping out a prophecy. The Herald often A Gimmick can also represent a facet of
appears only at the beginning of the story, but may occasionally tag along with the character’s Body, Brain, or Nerve that
the Hero (usually as a Mentor, Shapeshifter, or Fool). is not reflected by the basic score. For
Common Herald Subtypes: The Messenger (R2D2), The Prophet (The Metatron), The example, your character may be a com-
Boss (M), The Recruiter (Agent K) plete moron who happens to be very good
at solving crossword puzzles. In this case,
The Threshold Guardian: The Threshold Guardian’s job is to test the Hero’s abilities he’d have an extremely low Brain Number
and worth. He may be good, bad, or just doing his job, and doesn’t even have to and the Gimmick “Crossword Puzzle
be an actual character—any obstacle that the Hero has to overcome to contin- Genius.”
ue his Journey is a type of Threshold Guardian. Threshold Guardians can occasion- Finally, a Gimmick can represent some
ally be befriended and persuaded to join the Hero, at which point they often take important advantage or resource that
on another archetype. your character has which is not described
Common Threshold Guardian Subtypes: The Gatekeeper (Cerberus), The Riddler by his other Words. For example, a char-
(Gollum), The Challenger (Sir Lancelot), The Temptress (the sirens), The Atomic acter with a magical ring may choose the
Monster (Godzilla) “Cool Toy” Gimmick.
Keep in mind that some Gimmicks may
The Shapeshifter: The Shapeshifter is a character whose real loyalties and goals not be appropriate because the charac-
ter’s other scores already reflect them.
(continued on page 14) For example, a Body Number of 16 implies
that the character is extremely physically
WEIRD SHIT & GAME MECHANICS
Fictional characters are often able to do things that are simply not possible in the normal world. They fly through the air under
their own power, shoot lightning from their asses, and rampage through cities causing massive destruction. Okay, only Gamera
does all of these things, but you get the idea. The point is, it’s important for the GM and the players to have a good idea of what
is or is not possible in their game world. Often the genre will suggest the general level of weird shit possible in a game. For exam-
ple, characters based on action movie heroes will be able to make amazing shots, fire for hours without running out of ammuni-
tion, and survive explosions with only a few scratches. But they won’t be able to throw fireballs or petition the gods for
assistance.2
Even though the genre will set certain broad limits on weird shit, it’s up to the GM (with input from the players) to decide exactly
how this weird shit is handled in terms of the game rules. For our purposes, weird shit includes everything that defies the laws of
physics, from making an impossible jump to building a time machine or calling upon the elemental forces of cheese.
Yum Yum Expenditure: Some weird shit can be accomplished simply by spending Yum Yums. As a rule of thumb,Yum Yums allow
a character to succeed in weird shit if any character in the game world could theoretically perform the feat, given enough
adrenaline and some luck. For characters in a modern-day setting this generally means action movie stunts—probably impossi-
ble but still vaguely believable, though some game worlds may allow more spectacular results.
Skill Required: In some cases, a character will need an appropriate Skill to do something weird. For example, if a character
wants to use the Blasphemous Tome of Yargolith to summon a snot demon, he’ll have to be able to read the text, which is writ-
ten in Sanskrit. Unless the character has bothered to learn a 3,000 year-old dead language, he’s out of luck. If anybody could
learn how to do the weird shit with a little training, a Skill will be sufficient.
Job Required: Many types of weird shit require years of study to master. Even if powered armor is common in your world, a char-
acter won’t be able to build himself a new mecha suit without the proper training and equipment. As with Skill Required weird
shit, these kinds of tricks can be accomplished by anyone who has the proper training. The difference is that the training for Job
Required weirdness is much longer and more intense.
Gimmick Required: There are some things that most people just can’t do—flying comes to mind. This sort of thing requires the
character to have the appropriate Gimmick. Keep in mind that the norm is for the game world, not our world—if everyone in the
game world has four arms, the character doesn’t have to take the “Extra Appendages” Gimmick.
Combination: Sometimes, a combination of the above requirements will be necessary. A few examples are given below.
• Yum Yums and Job: This combination is useful for setting limitations on characters with special powers. Take, for example, a wiz-
ard who is drained by spell-casting. He makes all rolls using his “Wizard” Job, but in order to power his spells, he has to spend Yum
Yums (the exact number determined by the power of the spell). When he runs out of Yum Yums, he’s channeled as much mysti-
cal energy as he can for the time being.
• Skill and Gimmick: Say you have a character born with the ability to control fire. The character needs a Gimmick to be pyroki-
netic in the first place, and the Gimmick Number is the basic roll. The Skill represents the character’s ability to control her power.
• Job and Gimmick: If only the Chosen Ones of Flanchelder can become Cheese Wizards, the character will need the “Chosen
One of Flanchelder” Gimmick and the “Cheese Wizard” Job. If a person can only handle so much cheese magic before
becoming exhausted, the character may also have to spend Yum Yums to cast his spells. Of course, Flanchelder will probably
show favor (grant Yum Yums) to Cheese Wizards who glorify cheese and cheesemaking in all its forms.
A Note on Weaknesses: Weaknesses can, of course, trump a character’s ability to do weird shit. For example, if only the chaste
can wield the Sword of Mighty Power, chances are your character’s “Nymphomaniac” Weakness will keep her from using it.
2
These are generalizations that do not necessarily apply to Big Trouble in Little China or any movie made in Hong Kong.
fit. Taking the “Healthy as a Horse” character trait or minor inconvenience. As with Gimmicks, a character’s
Gimmick would probably be overkill. The character’s Weakness should be Weakness may reflect a facet of his Body,
something that he has little or no control Brain, or Nerve that is not properly
over and that presents a constant threat reflected by his Number in that Word. For
Weaknesses to his well-being. Curses, debilitating example, if your character is a fantasy
A Weakness is something that fucks up injuries, and psychological malfunctions mage, he will be Physically Weak regard-
your character. It should be like a tragic of every type are good examples of less of his Body Number. If his Body
flaw in literature, not just some annoying Weaknesses. Number is average or better, he should

probably take the “Physically Weak”
archetypes (continued from page 12)
Weakness to reflect how pathetic he is
when it comes to physical exertion of any
are constantly being questioned by the Hero (or, in RPGs, by the other PCs). His type.
goal is often to lure the Hero to his doom or destiny. Playing a Shapeshifter char- When determining your Weakness,
acter can be very rewarding, but as a player you must accept the fact that your make sure that it does not contradict
character will never be fully trusted by the rest of the PCs, and that there’s a other character traits. Avoid concepts
good chance he will be abandoned or even killed during the course of the such as a character with super-speed who
story. Shapeshifters will often disguise themselves as Tricksters. is brain-dead and cannot move. Also,
Common Shapeshifter Subtypes: The Femme Fatale (Pussy Galore), The Shady make sure that the Weakness does not
Ally (Han Solo), The Enemy Turned Ally (Hannibal Lecter, The Terminator), The duplicate the effects of the character’s
Double Agent (Tobias Knight), The Enemy Within (Iago), The Wizard Who’s Body, Brain, or Nerve Number. If the fan-
Secretly A God or Something (Gandalf) tasy mage in the previous example has a
Body Number of 6, there’s no need for him
The Trickster: The Trickster’s job is to provide comic relief and, when necessary, to take the “Physically Weak” Weakness—
keep the Hero’s ego in check. Despite his humorous nature, the Trickster can he’s already physically weak due to his low
occasionally be insightful or even heroic. The key thing to remember when play- Body.
ing a Trickster character is that there needs to be a reason for the other charac-
ters to keep him around. If your character just causes trouble and annoys people
the other PCs are going to get tired of him sooner or later. Gimmick and Weakness
Common Trickster Subtypes: The Bumbling Sidekick (any character played by
Don Knotts), The Moron (Jay), The Nut Case (H.M. Murdock), The Drunk Slob
Numbers
(Bluto), The “Challenged” Guy (Timmy!), The Annoying Little Shit (all Kender) Gimmick and Weakness Numbers start
at 10. Why not? Ten is a very popular num-
The Shadow: The Shadow knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. Wait, that’s a ber—in fact, it’s the basis for one of the
different Shadow—for archetype-type purposes, the Shadow is basically an evil world’s most popular mathematical sys-
twin who represents the Hero’s dark side. The Shadow is almost always one of the tems. And if it’s good enough for mathe-
bad guys, though he was usually once a friend of the Hero (relatives are also maticians, it’s good enough for us. Anyway,
very common). Still, it’s occasionally possible for the Shadow to be an actual pro- for every point by which a player wishes to
tagonist. If you want to play a character of the Shadow Archetype, you must increase his Gimmick Number, he must
accept the fact that your character is most likely doomed from the start. spend 2 YY and increase his Weakness
Common Shadow Subtypes: The Thing The Hero Will Become If He Screws Up Number by 1. The character may decrease
(Darth Vader, Kurtz), The Traitor (Judas), The College Roommate Gone Bad (Dr. his Weakness Number by spending 3 YY
Doom), The Bad Seed (Mordred), The Twisted Reflection (Bizarro), The for every point by which he wants to lower
Frankenstein Monster (The Frankenstein Monster) the Number. A character may also
increase his Weakness Number, gaining 2
YY for every point of the increase.
Gimmick and Weakness Numbers must be
approved by the GM.
Note that the Number assigned to a
Gimmick or Weakness does not reflect its
power relative to other Gimmicks and
Weaknesses. A Gimmick of “Phenomenal
Cosmic Power” starts out at 10 just like
ALTERNATE NUMBER one of “Always Finds a Parking Space.”
Rather, the Number should reflect how
ASSIGNMENT SYSTEM (ANAS) often the Gimmick or Weakness comes

into play. A Gimmick that is supposed to
If you’re an advanced QAGS player who’s ready to take it to the next level, you
be unreliable, difficult to use, or just
may consider using the Alternate Number Assignment System (ANAS.) The idea rarely seen in the story should have a low
behind the ANAS is that after making enough characters the conventional way Number; conversely, a simple, reliable,
you will have internalized the mathematics behind the process enough that and/or frequently appearing Gimmick
you’ll be able to perform all the necessary calculations at an intuitive level. should have a high Number. Similarly, a
What this means is that you can just pick Numbers that sound good. Though this Weakness that rarely impacts the charac-
method may sound intimidating to the novice, it leads to truly Quick-Ass char- ter should have a low Number, while one
acter creation. Always consult with your GM before attempting the ANAS. that plagues the character often (such as
“GM Hates You”) should have a high
Number. Got all that? Good. Let’s move on.
and opportunities denied the “porno buff”
CHARACTER CREATION COSTS

who just has a Skill.
There is no set Skill list in QAGS.
Nearly anything a person can learn to do
TRAIT COST can be a Skill, but keep in mind that a
Body, Brain, Nerve Number Skill basically represents amateur knowl-
Job Number x 2 edge of or ability in a subject. Therefore,
Additional Job Number x 3 if it’s impossible for an amateur to prac-
Gimmick 2 YY/Number above 10* tice (brain surgery comes to mind) it’s
Weakness 3 YY/Number below 10** not a Skill. Likewise, Skills should not
Additional Gimmick Number x 5 grant exceptional or unusual abilities
Skill 3 YY for +1, 1 YY per additional +1 “Firearms” is an acceptable Skill. “Crack
Health Points 2 YY/Number above Body Number Shot” should be a Gimmick. In some
Yum Yums Equal to YY left after character creation cases, a character’s Job or Gimmick may
allow him to take Skills that are normally
*The character must also raise his Weakness Number by 1 not available. For example, a character
**A character who raises his Weakness Number (without raising his Gimmick) gets an addi- with the “Necromancer” Job or “Medium”
tional 2 YY to spend. A character may also take a second Weakness, which gives him additional
Gimmick can take the “Etiquette (Dead
YY equal to the Weakness Number x 2.
People)” Skill. If you’re not sure whether
something is a reasonable Skill, check
with your GM.
While most character traits are
described by a Number, Skills are denoted
Multiple Jobs, Gimmicks, as a bonus between +1 and +5. This is
known as a Skill Bonus, mainly because
and Weaknesses we’re running out of clever names for
With the GM’s permission (good luck!), stats. The cost of learning a Skill is 3 Yum
THE DUMB FACT a character may begin the game with two
Jobs, Gimmicks, or Weaknesses. A second
Yums for a +1 Skill Bonus. Each addition-
al +1 Skill Bonus costs 1 Yum Yum.
Sometimes, stupid details about a Job costs 3YY for every point the charac-
ter wants in the Job Number. A second
Health Points
character can add depth and
make them more interesting, believ- Gimmick costs a number of YY equal to 5
able, or entertaining even though times the desired Gimmick Number. An A character’s Health Points determine
they have no bearing on the story. additional Weakness gives the character how much damage he can take before he
Willow’s “frog fear” in “Buffy the 2YY per point in the Weakness Number. dies. Whenever a character gets shot,
Vampire Slayer” is a good example clawed by a monster, or brutally bug-
gered, he loses Health Points. When his
Skills
of the kind of thing we’re talking
about. While you’ll no doubt come Health Point total reaches zero, the char-
up with all kinds of stupid details A Skill is an ability or area of knowl- acter is dead. A character’s basic HP
about your character during play, it edge possessed by a character, but not Number is equal to his Body Number.
doesn’t hurt to have one before you covered by his Job. When selecting Skills, Characters may use Yum Yums to raise
ever start. Therefore, we encourage it’s important to remember that you don’t this total at the rate of 2 YY per point.
players to come up with some need to account for every single learning
experience the character has ever had.
Yum Yums
dumb fact about their character
(favorite band, the fact that she was Sometimes, a person’s Skills can repre-
a National Spelling Bee finalist in 6th sent specialized training he’s received. Yum Yums have many uses beyond the
grade, the name of his prom date, For example, a character may have a character creation system. These uses are
whatever). “First Aid” Skill because of his work on explained on page 30. If you have any Yum
the volunteer rescue squad. In reality, Yums left, record them in the appropriate
though, Skills usually represent hobbies space on your character sheet.
that a character frequently engages in—
ROUNDING music trivia, frisbee, downloading porn,
and the like. After all, you’ve probably for- Who Would Play Him/Her in
Some of the QAGS rules require the
character to divide one of his
gotten that first aid course you took in
high school, but you never forget how to
the Movie? (WWPHITM?)
Numbers in half. When this is locate grainy photos of Anna Kournikova This Word is useful for helping other
required, always round down. For nekkid. A Skill is narrower in scope than players get a better idea of what your
example, 1/2 of pi is 1. a Job and does not include any trappings. character is like. Taking all the informa-
The professional pornographer will have tion you know about your character into
contacts, access to research materials, account, try to figure out what actor or

actress you would cast in a little imagi- immediate impression of the character. It deceptive simplicity, it is without a doubt
nary movie about your character. Physical can reflect his general speech pattern, the best character creation system ever
appearance is not the main concern how he communicates, and a little about designed. We believe that any character
here—instead, you want an actor who the character’s personality. Don’t feel like concept living, dead, undead, or ever con-
could properly convey the character’s atti- you have to use the character’s Tag Line ceived of by any man, woman, or child in
tude, emotions, and personality. Try to frequently (or ever) in the game—that’s the history of time can easily be described
pick a professional actor. Woodrow not the point. Make sure you steer clear of with utmost clarity in QAGS terms. All
lines like “You got a pretty mouth for a other game systems are superfluous3
Wilson, for example, was the 28th presi-
man,” and anything from Monty Python
dent of the United States, not a motion 3
This paragraph is, of course, one of the only contri-
and the Holy Grail. For God’s sake, peo-
picture actor. The same applies to Tom butions made by the QAGS “creators” themselves.
ple, give it a rest. –The Ghostwriters
Green, though he was never president.
A Note about the

Tag Line
Your character’s Tag Line is a quote Character Creation
that conveys useful information about the
character, his outlook on life, and so
System
forth. Like WWPHITM?, your character’s We at Hex Games have rigorously tested
Tag Line helps to give other players an and developed this system. Despite its
GARY BEDELL

Luke, Jesse, Bubba, Bubba’s girlfriend Bianca, and Sparky meet to talk about a possible game. After introductions and a lit-
tle bit of small talk, Jesse brings the conversation around to the game.
Jesse: I’m not sure how much Luke has are wandering around the U.S. and Jesse: That could work, but he sounds
told you about the kind of games I run, why you’re working together. like sort of a lone wolf.
but for the most part I like games with Why would he be traveling with
a lot of role-playing and storytelling, Sparky: Can I play Jerry O’Connell? the others?
but plenty of action, too. Anyway, the
other day I came up with the idea of Jesse: Huh? Bubba: Because they’re the other PCs.
doing a campaign where the PCs trav-
el the country helping others—kind of Sparky: Jerry O’Connell. You know, Luke: What he means is, why would
an “A-Team”/”Incredible Hulk” kind of [Orson Welles voice] “He wanders the your character want to travel with the
thing. What do you guys think? countryside, righting wrongs, defending rest of us? He has to have some kind of
the weak and protecting the innocent. reason. Like, maybe my character
Bubba: I was hoping we’d play D&D. For he knows what it’s like to be an saved your character’s life in a bar-
But I sure do like Mr. T and The Hulk, so I outsider. For he is Jerry O’Connell: The room brawl and in gratitude you
reckon your idea’ll work. What system Fat Kid from Stand By Me!” promised to help him find his sister.
are we using?
Jesse: Interesting concept, but it’s a lit- Bubba: I thought you said your charac-
Jesse: I always use the QAGS system tle out there. After all, Jerry O’Connell ter was a fudgepacker. How’s he going
has a very successful movie career. I to save a badass biker dude’s life?
Sparky: Kick ass! I love QAGS. I’m even don’t think he’d give it all up to walk
a Knome!4 the earth. Jesse: Don’t—
Bubba: I never played QAGS. Anybody Sparky: That’s cool. How about I play Luke: First off,“fudgepacker” isn’t a
got a rulebook I can borrow? Elvis? very appropriate term. Second, he’s
bisexual, not gay. Third, gay and bisexu-
Sparky: QAGS is so easy that you don’t Jesse: Well, I’d kind of like to keep Elvis al men are not necessarily effeminate.
need a rulebook to play. Of course, open as a possible GMC for later on. They can be as tough and manly as
you’ll want to buy a copy for yourself Would an Elvis impersonator work? anybody. My character’s like that. In
anyway. It’s a damn good read. fact, your character probably has no
Sparky: That just might! Let me think idea about my character’s sexual pref-
Bianca: Uh, what are you guys talking about it. erence.
about?
Luke: I’m thinking that my character’s Bubba: Okay, okay. So your character
Luke: The game system—the rules we a bisexual construction worker who’s saved my ass and I swore on my
use to decide what happens in the looking for his missing sister. leather jacket that I’d help him find his
game. Don’t worry, Sparky’s right. sister.
QAGS is a really easy system to learn. Jesse: Sounds like a good start, and it’ll
You’ll pick it up in no time. give your character a reason to travel. Jesse: Now we’re getting somewhere.
Did you have any ideas, Bianca?
Jesse: Yeah, we’ll teach you how to Bubba: I want to play, like, this total
play. Anyway, does anybody have badass biker dude. He’s wanted in 12 Bianca: I don’t really know. What are
character ideas? The big thing here is states, so he can’t settle in any one my choices?
to figure out a reason why you guys place.
4
Curious what Sparky’s talking about? Visit www.hexgames.com to learn more, and maybe even join the Order of Knomes yourself.

Luke: Anything you want to play.
Eventually, they come From an early age, Jimmy wanted to
be an Elvis impersonator. Unfortunately,
Bianca: How about a clown? I love
clowns!
up with the following small-town Missouri doesn’t offer a lot
of career options for a man who dress-
Luke: That doesn’t sound too—

characters: es up as The King. Jimmy worked at a
gas station for years, and eventually
saved enough money to attend the
Bubba: A goddamn clown? What the Bruce Hawkins (Luke) Elvis Institute in New York City. When
hell are you talking about? You need a Bruce Hawkins is a construction worker Jimmy’s old friend Bruce Hawkins
character who can kick ass, not make originally from East Prairie, Missouri. A showed up in town looking for his little
balloon animals. You should play some few years ago, his younger sister, Kelly, sister, Jimmy helped. When the clues
bad ass chick, like a ninja assassin who pointed to Memphis, Jimmy accompa-
mysteriously disappeared. The police
wears tight leather clothes. nied Bruce so that he could see
didn’t find any evidence of abduction
Graceland. As Bruce was driving
and, since her car was also missing,
Bianca: Hmmm . . . I don’t really know Jimmy to the airport so he could return
eventually wrote her off as a runaway.
much about ninjas. Wait, I’ve got an to New York,“Kentucky Rain” started
A year later, Bruce thought he saw his
idea! How about if I play a rodeo playing on the radio. Jimmy saw it as a
sister in the crowd of a Yankees game
clown? That way she’d be really athlet- sign from The King that he should stay
on TV. Bruce packed up what he could
ic and fearless, since she’s always with Bruce until Kelly was found.
in his van, withdrew all of his savings,
dodging bulls and stuff! And maybe
and headed for New York. From there,
she grew up on a ranch in Texas—her Michelle Houston (Bianca)
grandfather was a real cowboy, who he’s followed a trail of vague clues Michelle Houston grew up in Texas,
taught her how to shoot and ride and across the country, working odd jobs to where her grandfather told her stories
all that. She can fight, shoot, or spit as support himself. about being a cowboy. After graduat-
well as any man. ing high school, Michelle put her
“Mad Dog” Miller (Bubba) amazing reflexes to good use as a
Luke: That sounds good, but we still Joe Miller robbed his first liquor store rodeo clown. One night in Cheyenne,
need to figure out why you’d be travel- when he was 15. A year later, he com- Wyoming, Michelle was abducted by
ing with us. mitted his first murder. Ever since then, a cult of evil clowns who planned to
he’s been on the run. At some point, sacrifice her to ARARARARAR, God of
Sparky: Hey guys, I am going to play Joe joined the Hell’s Angels, where he FIRE and EVIL. Bruce and the others
an Elvis impersonator after all! But I’m earned the name “Mad Dog.” One saved her. Knowing that she would
going to make him a Navajo Elvis night, Mad Dog and some of his gang never be safe on the rodeo circuit
impersonator, just to fit the theme. got into a bar fight and everyone else again, Michelle joined them in their
ended up dead. Knowing that he’d be search for Bruce’s sister.
Jesse: The theme? branded a coward for not staying with
his buddies to the death, Mad Dog Now that everyone knows what the
Sparky: Well, we’ve got a construction campaign’s going to be about and
once again found himself on the run.
worker, a biker, and a cowboy—well, has their basic character concepts,
One night while Mad Dog was having
cowgirl, but close enough. All we the players start working on their indi-
a cold beer, some motorcycle enthusi-
need’s an Indian. vidual characters. Luke starts by mak-
asts recognized Mad Dog and pro-
ing a few notes about Bruce. Here are
ceeded to beat the hell out of him.
[After Sparky explains the highly some of the things he comes up with:
Bruce Hawkins saved Mad Dog’s life
improbable yet hilarious parallel
that night. In gratitude, Mad Dog swore
between the PC group and the Village • Bruce is a reluctant hero.
to help Bruce find his missing sister.
People, everyone continues to talk
though their characters and make • Bruce’s parents, Edna and Jim, occa-
Jimmy Yazzie (Sparky)
connections.] sionally send him money to pay for his
Jimmy Yazzie did not grow up on a search for their daughter. He calls them
Navajo reservation with a wise old frequently to keep them up to date.
grandfather who talked to spirits. In Edna and Jim run a grocery store, and
fact, he’s never been to a reservation Jim is a former Air Force captain.
and his grandfather died when he was
three. Jimmy grew up in a split level • Kelly was last seen by her college
house in the suburbs of southeast roommate, Angela, who went to a
Missouri. His father was a dentist party with her the night she disap-

peared. When Angela woke up the Next, Luke decides that Bruce is about Favorite TV Show: ........“Mike Hammer”
next morning, Kelly was gone. When average as construction workers go, so
Kelly still hadn’t come back 3 days he spends 24 Yum Yums for a Job score “Mad Dog” Miller (Bubba)
later, Angela went to the police. of 12. Luke wants Bruce to be good at Body ......................................................14
his Gimmick, so he spends 10 more Yum Brain ......................................................11
• Bruce had a girlfriend named Tina, Yums to bring “King of the Road” up to Nerve ....................................................14
but she broke with him after he’d been 15. This means that his Weakness also Job: ..........................................Biker (14)
wandering around the country for sev- goes to 15. Since Luke’s “Heart of Gimmick: ............Tough As Leather (14)
eral months. Gold” Weakness will help make Jesse’s Weakness: ............................Outlaw (11)
life easier (by giving him Bruce a rea- Skills: Shooting +2; Brawling +2;
• Bruce is a more-or-less practicing son to pursue Jesse’s adventures), Luke Breaking & Entering +1
Methodist. leaves the Number high. Luke now has HP:..........................................................16
27 Yum Yums to spend. YY: ............................................................3
• Bruce likes to fish. WWPHITM? ............................Kurt Russell
Luke starts by giving Bruce a +3 “Self- Tag Line ......“What are you lookin’ at?”
• Bruce is a big fan of detective Defense” Skill, which costs 5 YY (3 to Theme Song: ..............“Born To Be Wild”
movies and TV shows. learn Skill 1, 1 for each extra Skill Bonus)
and a “Fishing” Skill at +2 (which costs 4 Jimmy Yazzie (Sparky)
• Bruce owns a trailer that’s parked YY). He’s still got 18 YY left, so Luke Body ......................................................11
behind his parents’ store. decides to give him “Investigation” +1 Brain ......................................................14
(which he learned from watching Nerve ....................................................12
• Bruce was a good student in high detective shows) and “Driving” +2 (since Job: ......Navajo Elvis Impersonator (13)
he’s been driving all over the place for a Gimmick:..........Everybody’s Buddy (14)
school, but decided to take a couple
while). That leaves him with 11 YY. Weakness: ........Comical Bad Luck (10)
of years off from school before going
Skills: Working a Crowd +3;
to college. That was 12 years ago.
Since Luke has some Yum Yums to Karate +2; Card Tricks +2; Origami +1
spare, he adds another point to his HP: ..........................................................11
That’s all Luke can think of right now, so
Brain score (1 YY) and decides to give YY: ............................................................2
he starts working on Bruce’s game
Bruce 3 extra Health Points (6 YY). That WWPHITM? ............Lou Diamond Phillips
mechanics. Luke already knows that
leaves him with 4 YY to spend. Since Tag Line:............“Thank you very much.”
Bruce’s Job is “Construction Worker,”
Luke knows how useful Yum Yums can Stamp Vote: ..........................Young Elvis
and that his Weakness will be “Heart of
be once the game gets rolling, he
Gold.” He decides that since Bruce has
decides to keep those four. Jesse looks Michelle Houston (Bianca)
been out on the road for a while, he’s
over the character sheet, asks a cou- Body ......................................................13
good at finding cheap places to stay,
ple of questions, and decides that Brain........................................................12
good restaurants, and stuff like that.
everything looks fine. Nerve......................................................13
Luke decides he’ll call the Gimmick
Job: ............................Rodeo Clown (15)
“King of the Road.” Since it’s been
Everyone else goes through this same Gimmick: ............Lightning Reflexes (13)
established that Bruce can handle
process, though most of the players Weakness: ..Enemy (Evil Clown Cult) (11)
himself in a fight, Luke knows he’ll have need a little more help and direction Skills: ....................Shooting +2; Riding +2;
some kind of fighting Skill. He’ll also from Jesse. When everybody’s done, Fighting +2; Texas History +1
have a couple of Skill Bonuses in fish- the character stats look like this: HP: ..........................................................13
ing, because that’s how he spends YY: ............................................................3
most of his free time. Now, Luke starts Bruce Hawkins (Luke) WWPHITM?..................................Ali Larter
assigning Numbers to things. Jesse’s Body ......................................................14 Tag Line: “Some clowns
given everyone 100 Yum Yums for char- Brain ......................................................13 just ain’t funny.”
acter creation. Nerve ....................................................13 Home Town: ............................Laredo, TX
Job..................Construction Worker (12)
Luke decides that Bruce’s highest Gimmick: ..............King of the Road (15)
score will be Body, with a 14. He also Weakness: ................Heart of Gold (15)
decides that Bruce will have good Skills: ............Driving +2; Self-Defense +3;
Brain and Nerve Numbers. He decides Investigation +1; Fishing +2
on 12 Brain and 13 Nerve. Since these HP:..........................................................17
cost 1 YY per point, those scores will YY: ............................................................4
cost him a total of 39 Yum Yums, leav- WWPHITM?..................................Bill Bixby
ing him with 61 to spend. Tag Line: ..................“I know a shortcut.”

CHAPTER TWO doing stuff
Y ou may have noticed that most good

stories revolve around characters doing
things. They fight the bad guys, per-
determining the general level of success. If
the roll is higher than the character’s
Number, he fails, with the difference
down). Body, Brain, and Nerve are most
commonly used for default rolls, though
Jobs and even Gimmicks may occasionally
form daring escapes, and have lots and lots between the roll and his Number deter- be more appropriate.
of sex. In the best of all worlds, the things mining the general level of failure (see
the characters do lead to some kind of Degrees of Success and Failure, page 21,
character development or plot resolution. for more information). Weakness Rolls
Occasionally, a story is written in which A resisted roll, on the other hand, is Whenever a character’s Weakness may
the characters do absolutely nothing— used when two characters are directly come into play, he will have to make a
James Joyce’s Ulysses, for example. This competing against one another. Resisted Weakness roll. While most of the Numbers
approach may work in experimental mod- rolls are most often used in combat, but in QAGS are the character’s chance of suc-
ernist novels, but in general is dull and not can also be used when two characters cess, the Weakness Number is actually the
well-suited for role-playing games. Often, engage in a contest of skill (such as Paper, character’s chance of failing to resist, and
the thing your character wants to do will Rock, Scissors), or when a character therefore succumbing to, the Weakness. In
correspond to one of his Words. For exam- attempts to outsmart or outmaneuver an effect, the Number is that of the Weakness,
ple, if you’re playing a character whose Job opponent (Hide and Go Seek, for exam- not the character. If the roll is less than or
is “Cowboy,” he’ll eventually want to do ple). To make a resisted roll, both players equal to the Number, the Weakness takes
something involving cattle. If the GM’s in a make simple rolls. If one person succeeds effect. If the roll is greater than the
sporting mood, she will ask you to roll dice and the other fails, the successful charac- Number, the character is able to control,
to resolve the action. This chapter tells you ter wins the contest. If both succeed, the overcome, or avoid his Weakness. Like Bill
how that works. character with the higher roll wins. If both Bixby used to do on “The Incredible
rolls succeed and the result is a tie, the Hulk.”
GM may declare a stalemate or have the
When to Use the Rules players reroll. If both rolls fail, neither
The rules of QAGS are relatively unim- character gains an advantage. Second Chance Rolls
portant. As long as everyone is enjoying the If a character has two Words that could
story and having a good time, it’s perfectly both apply to the situation, he is entitled
acceptable to ignore the rules in favor of Which Word Should I Use? to a Second Chance roll. For the first roll,
dramatic license. There will be times, how- When making rolls, a player should use use the Word that is most appropriate to
ever, when using the rules will become the Word that best reflects his ability to the situation (or the Word with the higher
necessary. In some instances, using the perform the action. Usually, this is relative- score if both are equally appropriate). If
rules can actually enhance the overall ly obvious (for example, if a character this roll fails, the character may make a
story by adding an element of chance to wants to remember the air speed velocity second roll using the other Word. A charac-
the characters’ actions. It’s up the group to of an unladen swallow, he’d use his ter can never use a default roll as a Second
decide when the rules are necessary. “Hopeless Loser” Job). If none of the char-
Usually, the GM will make these decisions, acter’s Words is appropriate, the character
but players should feel free to speak up if will have to make a default roll (see
they feel the GM isn’t being fair. Don’t get below). In some cases, the character will
pissy about it, though. Usually, a simple have to make a Weakness roll before mak-
“Hey, why don’t we roll for that?” or “Why ing the normal roll. For example, if a char-
don’t we just skip all the rolling?” will be acter has the “Not Too Good at Cypherin’”
enough to make the GM realize that she’s Weakness, he’ll need to make a Weakness
getting a little carried away. roll before he can attempt any math-relat-
ed Brain roll. If the Weakness affects him, YUM YUMS
the Brain roll automatically fails.
Simple and Resisted Rolls AND ROLLS
There are two main types of rolls in
QAGS: simple and resisted. In a simple Default Rolls Players can use Yum Yums to improve,
roll, the player rolls a 20-sided die and When a character is attempting to do re-roll, alter, and sometimes completely
compares it to his Number in the most something that requires training he does ignore die rolls. For more information
appropriate Word. If the roll is less than or not have, he makes a default roll. The char- on how Yum Yums affect rolls, see
equal to the character’s Number, the acter’s Number when making a default roll Chapter 4.
action succeeds, with the value of the roll is equal to one-half of his Word (rounded
Chance roll. The Second Chance roll applies to the action, the character may impede action) and +5 (conditions great-
should not be confused with the 1987 Fox add all appropriate Skill Bonuses. ly improve chance of success).
comedy “Second Chance,” starring that Character Concept/Background
guy from “Friends.” They’re two complete-
ly different things. Other Modifiers Modifiers: This type of modifier is used
almost exclusively for default rolls. If
In many cases, the GM will ask the some established or implied fact about
player to apply a modifier to his score
Using Skills before making his roll. Except in a few
the character’s background would help or
hinder his chances to perform an action,
Whenever one of the character’s Skills special cases (such as combat damage), the GM may reflect that fact with a modi-
is applicable to an action, he gets to add these modifiers are always applied to the fier. Concept/background modifiers
his Skill Bonus to the Number he’s rolling Number the character is rolling against, should be between -2 and +2.
against. Most Skill Bonuses are added to not the die roll. So, for example, if a char-
the character’s default Number, but they acter is awarded a +2 modifier for a Job
can also modify Jobs, Gimmicks, Body, check, and his score is 15, he needs to roll Degrees of Success or
Brain, and Nerve. If more than one Skill a 17 (15+2) or less to succeed. Regardless
of modifiers, a natural “20” always fails. Failure
Situational Modifiers: These modifiers When a character makes a roll, you can
are based on the specifics of the situation use the value of the roll to determine how
at hand. For example, if the character is well he succeeded or how badly he failed.
attempting to shoot a surf Nazi, the GM For successful rolls, the degree of success
may impose a penalty to the roll because is determined by the value of the roll. For
of the distance between the character failed rolls, the degree of success is deter-
and the surf Nazi. The result of a charac-
RANDOM ACTS OF ter’s Weakness roll may also create a situ-
ational modifier. Most situational modi-
mined by the difference between the roll
and the character’s modified Number. The
degree determines the general level of
FATE (RAF) fiers are between -5 (conditions greatly
success or failure, as shown on Dumb
Table 2.
Quirky Success: When a character

rolls a natural “1,” the action suc- DUMB TABLE 2: Rolling Against a Difficulty
ceeds, but has some unusual or neg- DEGREE OF SUCCESS Number (DN)
ative side effect. For example, if a
character is jumping from one build-
OR FAILURE
While modifiers will usually be suffi-
ing to another, he makes it (barely), 1-5: Minimal. The character cient to reflect the ease or difficulty of a
but trips and falls upon landing. just made it or just missed it. situation, there are times when it makes
Lucky Break: Whenever a character
6-10: Average. There’s noth- more sense for the GM to set a difficulty
rolls his modified score exactly, he’s
ing noteworthy about the number (DN). Rolling against a difficulty
gotten a lucky break. Regardless of
character’s performance. number is a lot like making a resisted roll.
the roll, the action is a spectacular The character must make a successful roll
11-15: Impressive. The char-
success and the GM may decide that is higher than the difficulty number.
acter performs the activity
that there are additional positive side If the difficulty number is higher than the
with a distinct style and
effects character’s score plus any applicable
grace (or lack thereof, if he
Bad Break: When a character rolls a modifiers, the character cannot perform
failed).
natural “20,” he’s gotten a bad the action (except with a Lucky Break, if
15+: Spectacular. People will the Random Acts of Fate rules are used).
break. The failure is spectacular, and
talk about the character’s The most common reasons for using a dif-
the GM may decide that there are
performance for years. ficulty number are listed below.
additional negative side effects.
• When a task is especially precise or
unforgiving.
• When there are multiple levels of suc-
DUMB TABLE 3: DIFFICULTY NUMBERS cess.
• When characters are working against
Difficulty Difficulty Example a time limit.
Number of Task • When the character is resisting (or
5 Tricky Swallowing loose change being resisted by) the Cruel Forces of the
10 Tough Swallowing a light bulb Universe (see page 52).
15 Herculean Swallowing a sword • To combine multiple rolls.
19 Just Plain Nuts Eating a Volkswagen • When there are lots of modifiers at
work.
Jesse, Luke, Bubba, Bianca, and Sparky have started playing. We join the game, already in progress . . .
Jesse: So the little girl says,“Mommy and Bianca: Calm down, Bubba, it’s only a Bianca: I’ll try to sneak in through the
daddy are still missing. The clowns came game. What did I do wrong? window. Can I pile up the garbage cans
and took them one night. I told the and climb on top of them, like I said
police, but no one believes me . . .” Luke: Our characters can talk to people before?
and do everyday tasks easily enough,
Sparky: Holy shit! Evil clowns! but if you want to do something more Jesse: Sure. They’re unstable, so it will be
difficult there’s a chance of failure. That’s difficult to keep your balance. Being a
Bianca: Watch your language, Jimmy, what Jesse’s here for. That, and he feels a rodeo clown means you’ve had experi-
there’s a child present. need to exert control over a little fictional ence jumping up on barrels and stuff,
world since he’s so powerless in his own though, so roll your Job score.
Sparky: Oops, sorry. life.
Bianca: Okay. My Number is 15, and I roll
Bianca: Michelle says,“Little girl, I believe Jesse: Luke— a…16. That’s high—rolling high is good,
your story. I, too, have had run-ins with right?
these evil clowns. And I promise that me Luke: Just kidding, Chief. Anyway, in a sit-
and my friends will bring your parents uation like this we roll dice to figure out Jesse: Sorry, you want to roll high without
what happens. going over.
back to you.”
Sparky: Screw dice! It’s all about the Sparky: Like on “The Price is Right!”
Luke: Bruce nods sadly, and you can see
Yum Yums.
by the look in his eyes that he believes
Jesse: So a 16 is a failure.Your Gimmick
there’s no hope for the parents.
Bubba: “Yum Yums” is a stupid name. of “Lightning Reflexes” seems like it would
help you in this situation, though, so you
Bubba: Okay, okay, so we’re gonna track
Bianca: Are you talking about these little can make a Second Chance roll.
down this kid’s parents. Where do we
pieces of candy you handed out?
start?
Sparky: “Second Chance”? Wasn’t that
Jesse: Yes, those are Yum Yums. Like a show on Fox?
Luke: Hmmmm…killer clowns…that
Sparky said,Yum Yums are an important
would explain the really tiny car we saw
part of a QAGS game, but before we Bubba: Shut up.
parked outside Mr. Harrison’s disco. I bet
get into that you need to understand
Harrison’s in league with the clowns. We
how to use the dice. Let’s take this step Bianca: My “Lightning Reflexes” Number is
should sneak into his office and check it by step. 13, and I roll a 9. I rolled under! I succeed!
out.
Bianca: Sounds reasonable. Jesse: You climb up on top of the
Bianca: Okay, I ride back into town, garbage cans.You start to fall, but with
sneak into the alley behind the disco, Jesse: You guys get back downtown your lightning reflexes you’re able to right
pile up a couple of garbage cans and easily enough.You know that Mr. yourself. Now that you can take a closer
climb up through the second story win- Harrison’s office is on the second floor look at the window you find that it is,
dow, and pick the lock to Mr. Harrison’s above the disco. There’s an alley beside indeed, locked.
office. Once I’m inside, I— the building but you can’t tell if the win-
dow is open or not. And it’s broad day- Bianca: Shoot!
Jesse: Hold on, hold on.You can’t do all light, so sneaking around is going to be
that. difficult. Bubba: Don’t worry, baby, I got a Skill in
“Breaking and Entering.” Ol’ Mad Dog
Bubba: Why are you always giving her a Luke: I’ll station myself at the end of the will climb up there to take a look at this
hard time? Let her do what she wants! alley and keep a lookout. window.

Jesse: Roll your Body to get up there. his unaltered Nerve of 13. Luke rolls an 8, Jesse: Hey, you’re free to do whatever
Michelle can help you, so that will give a success. Jesse decides the Thug isn’t you want. Jimmy, Michelle, and Mad
you a +2 modifier. too bright and probably has a Brain of Dog, you’ve just climbed through the
10. He rolls a 6.]
window when you see Bruce coming in
[Mad Dog Miller’s Body is 14. The situa-
right after you. The four of you are now
tional modifier means he has to roll a 16 Luke: I succeed with an 8.
or less. Bubba rolls a 15 and succeeds.] on the second floor of the building.
Jesse: The thug succeeds with a 6. That You’re in a long corridor. The walls are
Bubba: Whoa, just barely made it. means you beat his roll, but just barely. painted a hideous lavender color and
The thug looks you up and down, nods, the whole place smells kind of musty.
Jesse: It’s a high success, though, so Mad and says,“Undercover clown, huh? I
There are three doors, two at the ends of
Dog jumps up there very gracefully. didn’t know you guys ever went under-
the hallway and one just a few feet
cover.”
Bubba: Fuck that, Mad Dog’s not grace- away from you.
ful—he’s tough. I jump up there very Luke: I say,“Only in emergency situa-
toughly. Now I want to break in. tions.” I’m gonna try to keep this guy Luke: We need to be careful, guys. We
talking long enough for the other three pick the wrong door and it could be evil
Jesse: I’ll get back to you in just a sec- to sneak in through the window. clowns everywhere.
ond. While you three are trying to sneak
in the window, Bruce is still standing Jesse: Great. Meanwhile, Mad Dog is try- Bianca: I sneak quietly down the hallway
guard. Bruce, a gentleman pulls up and ing to break in through the window.
and try to listen through the door.
parks right in front of the disco. He gets Bubba, your Job and your Gimmick
out of the car, notices you, and walks don’t apply here, so roll your Body again
Sparky: I walk over to the nearest door
over to you. and add in your +1 “Breaking & Entering”
Skill Bonus. The window is tight, and and throw it wide open.
Luke: What’s he look like? you’re in a hurry, so I’m going to say you
have to beat a difficulty number of 10. Bubba: What?
Jesse: He’s a big guy in a cheap suit. He
has “thug” written all over him. And he Bubba: No problem. Jesse: This would be a great time for you
doesn’t look happy to see you lurking to roll your Weakness, Sparky.
around in front of the building. [Mad Dog Miller’s Body of 14 becomes a
15, thanks to the +1 Skill Bonus. Bubba
Bubba: What? Oh shit.
Bianca: Oh no! rolls a 12, which is higher than the difficul-
ty number of 10 and lower than the
Sparky: Oh yes! Okay, my “Comical Bad
Luke: Before he can get to me I walk up modified Number of 15. He succeeds.]
to him, smile real big, and reach out to Luck” Weakness Number is 10, and I roll
shake his hand. I say,“Hi! How’s it going, Bubba: Hot damn! We’re in! a…7.
pal?”
Bianca: Mad Dog, you climb in through Bubba: You rolled under! That means you
Jesse: He doesn’t take your hand. He the window. I’ll help Jimmy up onto the succeeded!
says,“Who are you? What the hell are trash cans, and then you can help us
you doing here?” both get through the window. Jesse: Nope, sorry, Bubba. That means his
Weakness succeeded.You slam open
Luke: I lean up close to him and whisper, Bubba: All right.
the door, and dozens of rubber chickens
“I’m an undercover clown.”
Sparky: Sounds like a plan. come crashing out on top of you.
Sparky: Good one, Luke!
[Bianca, Bubba, and Sparky make suc- Sparky: Cool!
Jesse: Hmmm. That might work, but I’m cessful Body rolls.]
not sure if he’d buy it. We’ll need a resist- Luke: You said “crashing.” Does that
ed roll.You’ll need some Nerve to pull this Jesse: Bruce, the thug has bought your mean a lot of noise?
off, and he’ll need Brain to avoid falling story for now and gone on inside the
for it. building. What do you do?
Jesse: Oh yes. Definitely enough noise to
attract the attention of any evil clowns
Go ahead and roll. Luke: I’ll run after the others and climb
up through the window. [Luke makes his that might be nearby. In fact, you hear
[Bruce Hawkins doesn’t have any spe- Body roll.] There. I know you hate it when maniacal laughter coming from just
cial Skills or Gimmicks to help him, so uses the PCs split up. down the end of the hallway…

CHAPTER THREE
combat, or, the simple joy of rolling a die
and knowing that you have killed something
I n an ideal world, all conflicts would be

settled through informed rational discus-
sion. Sadly, this is often terribly dull. As a
the appropriate scores (usually Nerve or
Body) of the characters involved or ask for
a resisted roll of some kind.
Hand-to-Hand Combat
Each round of hand-to-hand combat
rule, it’s much more exciting to just beat between two characters is resolved with a
the shit out of somebody. This chapter resisted roll. Each person uses the Word
describes how to handle the complex plan- Types of Combat that best describes the type of attack he is
ning, maneuvering, and pummeling of com- There are two basic types of combat: making. The roll represents a series of
bat using the QAGS rules. Combat should hand-to-hand and ranged. Hand-to-hand feints, parries, ineffective blows, and other
be one of the most exciting aspects of the combat occurs when two people are swing- aspects of the brutal ballet of combat. The
QAGS game, but there’s no way the rules ing fists, pointy sticks, lawn knomes and winner of the roll gets to inflict damage
alone can lead to exciting battles. In fact, other hand-held weapons at one another. upon his opponent.
too much reliance on the rules can have Ranged combat happens when someone
the exact opposite effect. The GM and all wants to hurt his enemy without getting
the players should work together to make too close. This usually involves characters Ranged Combat
sure combat doesn’t become a boring shooting, throwing, or flinging things at Ranged combat is also handled with a
series of die rolls. one another, but can also include things resisted roll. Unlike hand-to-hand combat,
like a super-hero’s energy blast or a mon- however, a single roll in ranged combat rep-
ster’s atomic breath. Both types of combat resents only one attack (not a complete
The Combat Round are resolved using a resisted roll, though “exchange of fire” between the two combat-
Combat in the QAGS game is divided up the details vary slightly. ants). Therefore, there is always an attacker
into rounds. These are similar to rounds in
boxing, only without Don King. A round is
defined as “the amount of time it takes for
everyone in the scene to take one action.”
The round does not represent a set amount
of game time—it’s simply a convenient
way to break up combat. In spite of this
fact, the GM may occasionally rule that an
action will take multiple rounds to com-
plete (usually when the action being
attempted is a complex non-combat
action).
Who Goes First?

Since a lot of things are going on at the
same time, the order of actions in a com-
bat round is not usually important. The GM
will go around the table, asking each play-
er what he plans to do during the round.
Once everyone has declared his action, the
GM will ask for rolls in the order that
makes the most sense. For example, if one
character is shooting at a bad guy with his
GARY BEDELL
pistol and another is attacking with a

ceramic lawn knome, the character with
the gun will probably go first. If for some
reason exact timing does become impor-
tant (for example, a character is attempt-
ing to keep the bad guy from attacking his
young ward), the GM will either compare
DUMB TABLE 4: ADDITIONAL DAMAGE MODIFIERS
Weapon/Attack is: Examples Modifier
Pointy/Sharp Swords, Animal Teeth, Arrows +1
A Gun Uzi 9mm with Laser Sighting, .38 Special +1
Scary* Chainsaws, Shotguns +1
Mechanical Chainsaws, Crossbows +1
Energy Based Ray Gun, Flamethrower +2
Prolific Automatic Gunfire, Super-Speed Punches +3
Explosive Grenades, Land Mines +5
Car-Destroying Rogue Elephant, Anti-Tank Gun +10
Building-Destroying Giant Monster, Bomb +50
City-Destroying Hurricane, Nuclear Missile +1,000
World-Destroying Wrath of God, Death Star +1 Million
*While anything that could cause grievous bodily harm is scary, some attack forms are especially intimidating. This bonus should never be applied to ho-
hum, run-of-the-mill attacks.
and a defender. The attacker is the person arrow is small, for example. For guns, size goes without receiving treatment, another
firing the gun, launching the cathe- is based on the power and ammunition of Body roll is required. If the roll fails, the
dralpult, or throwing the rock. The defend- the weapon, not the physical size of the character permanently loses 1 point from
er is the guy he’s shooting at, flinging a gun or the bullets: BB guns are tiny; .22 his Body score. If the character’s Body
church at, or throwing towards. While the rifles are small; 9mm pistols are medium; score reaches 0, or if he takes any more
attacker uses whatever Word is most .44 magnums are large; .50 caliber damage, he’s dead, Jim.
appropriate to the sort of attack he’s mak- machine guns are frickin’ huge.
ing, the defender uses whatever Word best While size matters, it’s not the only
reflects his ability to avoid the attack. This thing that determines a weapon’s ability Complications
is almost always Body, though a few Jobs or to deal damage. When figuring out how The basic QAGS combat system is
Gimmicks can be used instead. While much damage an attack does, consult the extremely simple. Unfortunately, there
either participant in hand-to-hand combat Additional Damage Modifiers table and are a number of factors that can make
can cause damage to the other, only the add all appropriate modifiers. For exam- things a bit trickier. In addition, some
attacker can cause damage in ranged com- ple, a broadsword is big and pointy, which groups may want to add a few additional
bat. If the defender wins the roll, the means it has a Damage Bonus of +4. A rules to enhance their combat pleasure.
attacker simply misses his target. chainsaw is big, sharp, mechanically Before the game starts, check with your
assisted, and scary, for a total Damage GM to determine which optional rules she
Bonus of +6. A cathedralpult is frickin’ plans to use in the game.
Damage huge, mechanically assisted, and building-
Whenever the result of a combat destroying, for a Damage Bonus of +55.
sequence indicates that a character takes Combining “Hand-To-Hand”
damage, simply subtract the losing roll
(or zero, if the loser failed his roll) from Death and Ranged Combat
the winning roll. The result is the base When a character’s Health Point total If someone’s attacking you with a shot-
amount of damage caused by the attack. reaches zero, he’s dead. Theologians and gun and you’ve only got a rusty can open-
If the character who caused the damage philosophers have theorized for centuries er, chances are you’re not going to just
is using a weapon, add the weapon’s about what, if anything, happens to the stand there and let him shoot you.
Damage Bonus (see below) to this total. human soul after death. All that need Instead, you’re going to attempt to get
Subtract the result from the injured char- concern you, however, is that it’s time to close enough to take a swing at him. The
acter’s Health Points. make up a new character. Well, okay, your GM will decide exactly what is required to
character still has one last chance for life, close into hand-to-hand range (usually a
assuming he’s an Important Person (as series of Body rolls will do the trick).
Damage Bonus determined by the GM—many PCs quali- Until this happens, ranged attacks are
The basic Damage Bonus for an attack fy). When your character is mortally resolved normally. The ranged attacker
is based on the size of the weapon: +0 for wounded, make a Body roll. If the roll gets free attacks until his opponent is (a.)
tiny weapons, +1 for small weapons, +2 fails, he dies. If the roll succeeds, the dead or (b.) close enough to take a swing.
for medium-sized weapons, +3 for big character is alive, but in serious danger of If (a.) occurs, combat is over. If (b.)
weapons, and +4 for frickin’ huge shedding the mortal coil. Until the char- occurs, use normal hand to hand rules.
weapons (telephone poles, thrown cars). acter gets medical attention, he cannot Assuming the ranged attacker is still try-
For most ranged weapons, size is based on do anything other than bleed, gurgle, and ing to shoot at his opponent (and the GM
the size of the missile being fired—an perhaps cry for Mommy. For every hour he rules that the ranged attack will still work
at such close range), he uses his ranged Whenever this happens, the GM decides classic literary device, after all. If fire just
attack Word and normal weapon modifiers. who has a chance of being affected by the burned for a minute and then went out, it
attack. The attacker makes a single would be handled like any other attack.
attack roll and each of the characters in However, since fire keeps burning until it
Armor danger of being hit by the attack makes is deprived of oxygen or fuel, and because
Sometimes your character will wear appropriate rolls to dodge or otherwise it’s so much fun, we feel that fire deserves
armor. Armor prevents damage. How do defend themselves. If the attacker tries to its own set of rules.
we convert this simple observation to focus the attack on a particular enemy, Whenever a character takes damage
game mechanics? Simple! Just subtract that character receives a -3 penalty. from a fire-based attack, he is on fire. If
the armor’s Armor Rating from the dam- the character is in danger of being set on
age total of the attack. See Dumb Table 5 fire in some other way, he must make a
for some sample Armor Ratings. Combat Modifiers Body roll against a Difficulty Number
Sometimes, characters can get the advan- Many situations can give a combatant determined by the GM (based on the type
tages of armor without having to wear an edge against his opponent. In hand-to- of fire he’s dealing with). If the character
elaborate bondage gear. For example, if hand combat, size, reach, and the condi- fails the roll, he takes damage as if the
your character’s ducking behind a car tions of the battlefield can all affect the DN of the fire were a successful attack. In
door, it’s a lot like wearing plate mail, only outcome of an exchange of swings. For either case, the amount of damage a char-
without so much chafing. Such “hard ranged combat, the distance between the acter takes from the fire becomes his On
cover” works just like traditional armor. attacker and defender, targeting equip- Fire Number (OFN). If the character
ment, and visibility can affect the out- remains in a fire-setting predicament, he
come of an attack. Assigning comprehen- must make a new Body roll every round. If
“ganging Up” sive modifiers to every single thing that the roll fails, his new OFN is added to the
When multiple people attack the same could affect combat would be really hard, old one.
opponent, that opponent becomes much and waste valuable time that could be Assuming the character gets out of the
easier to defeat. You remember when they spent making bisexuality jokes. Therefore, fire, his OFN automatically drops by 2 every
used to gang up on you back in high the GM should arbitrarily assign modifiers round. Usually, when someone’s on fire, he
school, right? This is the same kind of whenever she feels like it. Generally, no will attempt to put the fire out. To do so,
thing. The first attack against an oppo- single circumstance should result in a the character forgoes all other actions for
nent during a combat sequence is modifier worse than -5 or better than +5. the round and makes a Body roll. If the
resolved normally. For each subsequent Body roll succeeds, it is subtracted from
attack, the character being ganged up on the character’s OFN. At the end of each
receives a -2 penalty to his combat Using Yum Yums to round, the character takes damage equal
Number (-2 for the second attack, -4 for
the third, etc). Unless the creature being
Increase or Decrease to his current OFN. If his OFN is zero, the
fire has been extinguished.
ganged up on is exceptionally large, no Damage A third party may attempt to put out
more than four people can attack him in a
given combat round. This rule does not A character may increase the amount
apply to ranged combat—a character can of damage he does to an opponent, or
dodge each ranged attack that comes at decrease the amount of damage an oppo-
him using his full Body Number. nent does to him, by spending Yum Yums.
Every YY spent increases or reduces dam-
Area Attacks age by 3 points.

OPTIONAL RULE:
Sometimes, an attack has a good
chance of hurting more than one oppo- Setting People On Fire ARMED VS.
nent. Explosions, dragon’s breath, and Sooner or later, somebody’s going to
machine gun fire are a few examples. want to set somebody else on fire—it’s a
UNARMED COMBAT
DUMB TABLE 5: ARMOR AND COVER
When one person has a weapon
Armor/Cover Type Examples Armor and the other doesn’t, the unarmed
Rating combatant is at a definite disadvan-
tage. To reflect this, the armed com-
None Buck Naked, Open Field 0
Minimal Catcher’s Gear, Tree Branches 1 batant may add his Weapon
Light Sumo Suit, Wooden Fence 2 Damage Bonus to the Number he’s
Medium Chain Mail, Steel Door 3 rolling. This rule only applies to hand-
Heavy Plate Mail, Stone Fence 4 to-hand combat and does not usual-
Damn Heavy Power Armor, Castle Wall 5 ly apply to monsters with natural
Nigh-Invulnerable Giant Robot, Tank 25 weapons (such as claws or teeth).

the fire with a fire extinguisher, bucket of character can be injured—car wrecks, suffocation, etc.) the GM may instead
water, etc., by making an attack roll poison, drowning, falling off of buildings, decide to use a variation of the Setting
resisted by the OFN. If the attack is suc- watching too much “Must See TV”—the People on Fire rules.
cessful, the “damage” is subtracted from possibilities are endless. Sometimes, the
the burning character’s OFN. A third GM can simply announce that the injury
party may also attempt to smother the has killed the character. If, however, the Healing
fire with a blanket using the same GM wants to give the character a fighting Once the characters have been
mechanic. However, if the OFN wins the chance, she can use a variation on the stabbed, beaten up, set on fire, and struck
attack, the person trying to help the burn- standard combat rules. The main differ- by lightning, the players will probably
ing man catches fire himself, with an OFN ence is that, instead of rolling against start to wonder how healing works.
equal to the damage caused by the fire. another character, the person being Because we anticipate everything, we
attacked rolls against the Cruel Forces of have included complete rules for such an
the Universe (CFU). The CFU succeed on occurrence. To determine how much dam-
Other Exotic Forms of any roll except a natural “20.” Damage age a character recovers, simply consult
Damage modifiers are up to the GM, based on
what exactly the CFU are trying to do to
Dumb Table 6.
In addition to being stabbed, shot, and the character. For attacks by the CFU that
set on fire, there are many other ways a take a while to kill the character (poison,
DUMB TABLE 6: HEALING

Treatment Rate of Recovery *Once the character has regained 3/4 of his original HP, his rate
of healing drops to one HP/week, regardless of what level of care
First Aid 1 HP he’s receiving. After a certain point, only time will heal a wound.
Emergency Room Care 2 HP
Note: The healing rates above assume a relatively “realistic”
Bed Rest 1 HP/week rate of healing and modern medical conditions. Feel free to
Doctor’s care 2 HP/week* adjust the rates of healing according to the technology level and
Hospital care 3 HP/week* tone of your game.
DALE FRENCH

When last we left our heroes, the group was about to be attacked by evil clowns. We now rejoin the action.
Jesse: Suddenly, a group of clowns come Any modifiers? Bianca: I’ll try to keep the one I’ve got in
rushing out of the door at the end of the the rope busy.
hallway! They look pissed! Jesse: Sure, why not? I’ll give you +2 since
the clowns are at close range. Sparky: I attack one with a rubber chick-
Bubba: How many clowns? en!
Bubba: Cool! That means I need an 11 or
Jesse: You gonna stand there and count? less. Dammit! I rolled a 15. Jesse: All right, we’ll go Mad Dog, Bruce,
Jimmy, Michelle. Then the clowns that you
Bubba: Guess not. Mad Dog draws his Jesse: You miss. The bullet goes into the guys don’t attack will go.
gun. ceiling. Bianca, it’s your turn. Since you’re
in such a tight space, I’m going to give [Bubba rolls a 9. The clown he’s fighting
Jesse: What’s everyone else doing? you a -3 penalty. Use your “Robo Clown” rolls a 15, which fails.]
score.
Luke: I pull out my MagLite™ and get Jesse: The clown comes after you with a
ready to bust some heads. Bianca: That means I need to roll under bowling pin, but you manage to shoot
12. [rolls] Twelve! Nailed it! him before he can hit you. Let’s see,
Bianca: Is there room in here for me to you’ve got a .44, which is considered
use my lasso? “large,” so its base damage is +3. Since it’s
Jesse: [rolling for the clown] The clown
a gun, you get an extra +1. That means
got a 17, which is higher than his Body. The
Jesse: You think so, but it’ll be close. you do 13 points of damage. The clown
lasso doesn’t normally do any damage,
Sparky, what’ s Jimmy going to do? falls dead at your feet.Your turn, Luke.
but since you got a Lucky Break, I’m
going to say that the rope’s tangled
Sparky: I look around for a weapon. [Luke rolls 9, which is less than 1/2 his Body
around his neck. Let’s see—every round
plus his “Self Defense” Skill. The clown
you guys can make resisted Body rolls. If
Jesse: The clowns are all rushing toward that’s attacking him rolls 5.]
you win, you can cause damage as if
you. They won’t get here until next round.
you’d attacked him, since you’re choking
Bubba, you go first. Jesse: Luke, a clown tries to attack you
him. If he wins, he breaks free.
with a giant pencil, but you duck out the
Bubba: All right, I shoot the one in front. way and conk him on the head with your
Let’s see, do I use my Job for that? Luke: I just stand my ground and wait. flashlight. [Jesse calculates the damage.
Luke rolled a 9, but the clown rolled a
Jesse: I don’t think so.You can use the Jesse: Sparky, you’re looking around for a successful 5, which means the base dam-
Job for hand-to-hand fighting, but I don’t weapon. The only things lying around are age is 4. Since Luke’s flashlight is a medi-
think bikers shoot people enough for it to the rubber chickens. um weapon, he has a damage bonus of
be part of the Job. Use half your Body +2, for a total of 6. The clown has 12 HP.
score. Sparky: I pick up two and start swinging He’s in pain, but not out of the fight yet.)
them around like nunchukas. The clown yelps and stumbles a little bit.
Bubba: My Body’s 15, so that means half Your move, Sparky!
of it’s 8— Jesse: Right. Time for a new round. The
clowns are all going to make hand-to- [Sparky rolls a 19, which fails. The clown
Sparky: Hold on there, BoBo, you always hand attacks, except the one caught in attacking him rolls an 8, which succeeds.]
round down. That’d make it a 7. the rope. What are you guys doing?
Jesse: Bad news, Sparky. He stabs you
Bubba: My name’s Bubba, you shithead. Luke: Hit one with my flashlight. with a knife, which does +3 because it’s
Okay, 7, then. Plus I’ve got “Shooting” at small, sharp, and scary—it’s one of those
+2, so that means I need to roll 9 or less. Bubba: I’ll shoot the one coming at me. creepy curvy daggers. That means you

take 11 points of damage.You’re horribly Sparky: I’m going to lay here and bleed. Jesse: Michelle and Bubba both man-
wounded. age to avoid getting hit. Luke, the clown
Bianca: I punch at the one attacking me. rolled a 9. He’s firing with a medium-sized
Sparky: Actually, I’m dead—I only have gun, and he gets an extra +3 because it’s
11 Health Points, and I spent all my Yum Jesse: Bianca can go first since she’s got automatic fire. That means he does 15
Yums to do that tear jerking rendition of lightning reflexes. Then Luke. We’ll take points of damage.You’ve got a gaping
“Love Me Tender” earlier. care of Bubba’s fire last. stomach wound and can barely move
from the pain.
Jesse: Don’t count yourself out just yet. [Both Luke and Bianca get lucky and
After all, you’re an important person. Roll manage to take out the remaining Luke: Damn! That hurt. I’m going to
Body.
clowns. Now Bubba makes a Body roll, spend 4 Yum Yums to reduce the dam-
which is a successful 2. Since his OFN age. That means I only take 3 points. The
Sparky: [rolls] Made it! I’m still alive!
automatically goes to 3 this round, and
bullets all missed me, but I hit my head on
he rolled a 2, his new OFN is 1. Mad Dog
Jesse: Yes, but you’re badly wounded the wall when I dove in front of Jimmy.
takes one point of damage. The fire will
and can’t do much other than bleed.
be out at the end of the next round.]
Bianca, if you want to keep your guy Jesse: Works for me. Bubba, you ready to
choking, you need to make a resisted go?
Jesse: The clowns are all dead and Mad
Body roll.
Dog’s only burning a little bit.You think
Bubba: Sure thing. I got a 6.
[Jesse rolls for the clown and fails. Bianca things have died down. [yells] Suddenly, a
rolls an 11, which succeeds and kills the clown bursts out the door, spraying auto-
Jesse: [rolling for the clown] The clown
clown.] matic weapon fire all over the place!
failed. That means you do 10 points of
What do you do?!
damage, not quite enough to kill him.
Jesse: Damn, he tries to break free, and
you pull on the rope.You end up break- Luke: I throw myself in front of Jimmy. One
Luke: But you can spend Yum Yums to
ing his neck! That means there are two more bullet and he’s done for!
increase the damage—3 points per Yum
clowns left. One of them comes after
Yum.
Michelle, the other attacks Mad Dog. Bubba: I shoot the bastard!
Michelle, you go first. Use your “Lightning
Bubba: Cool. How many HP does he
Reflexes” plus your “Fighting” Skill. [Both Bianca: I hide try to hide behind the
have?
roll, both fail].You guys both miss.Your body of the clown I just killed.
turn, Bubba. Since you’ve already been
attacked this round, your roll’s at -2. Jesse: I’m not telling you that.
Jesse: Luke, I’ll let you automatically pro-
tect Jimmy if you’re willing to give up
Bubba: Damn! A 20! Bubba: Fine. I’ll spend 3 Yum Yums. That
your dodge roll. Bubba, you need to roll
should kill him!
Body to dodge. If you’re still alive, you
Jesse: The clown rolls and slaps you in the
can shoot at him. Bianca, I’ll give you a
face with some kind of hopped-up Joy Jesse: That does it. Looks like combat’s
+2 bonus for cover.
Buzzer.You feel electricity surging through over. What now?
you and take 5 points of damage. Since
[Jesse rolls for the clown. This is an area
you got a Bad Break and he rolled a Luke: We need to get Jimmy to a hospi-
attack, so everyone has to roll to dodge.
Quirky Success, I’m going to say that the tal. Let’s get him out of here and call 911.
The clown isn’t attacking anyone in par-
buzzer malfunctions and catches fire. The police are going to ask questions.
ticular, so nobody gets a penalty for
You’re both on fire with OFNs of 5! That Michelle, since you’re not hurt, you stay
being the focus of the attack. The clown
means you take 5 more points of dam-
with Jimmy. Just pretend it was a drive-by
age, Bubba. rolls a 9, which succeeds.]
or something. Mad Dog and I will come
Jesse: Okay, what’d everyone get? back here. If it looks safe, we’ll come
Bubba: Shit!
back in and snoop around.
Jesse: New round. What’s everyone Bubba: I rolled a 14!

[They follow the plan. Once the EMTs and
doing?
Michelle: I got a 14, too. Since I got the ER doctors are finished with Jimmy, he’s
Bubba: Putting out the fire! bonus for cover, I succeed. up to 3 HP. He stays in the hospital for 2
weeks, which brings his HP back up to 8.
Luke: I’m going to take a swing at the Luke: I’m not rolling, so I can make sure It’ll take him 3 more weeks of taking it
burning clown! Jimmy lives. easy to get back up to his full 11 HP.]

CHAPTER FOUR yum yums
R emember that candy we told you to buy

way back in Chapter 1? You’ve already
eaten it, haven’t you? We thought so, you
rules will show that this is not our main
concern. Instead, we want to model fic-
tion—in other words, to allow players and
absolutely no effect on the game.
To Succeed Automatically at a Roll: A
character may spend Yum Yums to succeed
hedonistic little shit. Well, those were your GMs to work together to tell a great story. at a roll automatically, without actually
Yum Yums, which you’re going to need to In a story, it’s the interesting characters needing to roll the dice. If the value of the
play the game. Go out and get some more. who get to be the heroes—they save the roll is important (for example, the charac-
We’ll wait. world, defeat the evil overlord, and get ter is making a resisted roll or rolling
laid. In QAGS, it’s the interesting charac- against a DN), each YY spent is worth 3
ters that get the Yum Yums, allowing them points, up to the character’s modified
What Are Yum Yums? to become the heroes. You’ll earn Yum Number for that roll. Beyond that Number,
Good, you’re back. When you left, we Yums by being a good role-player. The each YY is worth only 1 point.
were discussing Yum Yums. Yum Yums are thing to remember is that QAGS is not a To Re-Roll a Failed Roll: A character
the single most important mechanic of the video game—you don’t earn points by may re-roll any failed die roll by spending 3
QAGS game. The basic system lets you killing things, and the goal is not to get the Yum Yums.
describe your character’s abilities and highest score. RPG’s aren’t about winning To Improve a Roll: When a character
determine his chances of success or failure but, unlike those athletic contests you lost wishes to improve the final value of a roll
in various situations. Yum Yums, however, as a child, really are about how you play (when rolling for degree of success, against
are what allow your character to become a the game. a DN, etc.), he may spend Yum Yums to do
hero. Essentially, Yum Yums are “brownie so. Each YY spent improves the roll by 3
points” awarded to a player by the GM points, up to the character’s modified
when the player does something to make Using Yum Yums Number for the roll. Beyond the charac-
the game more fun. While Yum Yums can Ok, so the GM has handed you some Yum ter’s modified score, each YY only improves
take the form of simple “points” recorded Yums. Do you just eat them? Good God, no! the roll by 1.
on the character sheet, we suggest using Then they would just be Ordinary Food. To Avoid Succumbing to a Weakness:
candy, preferably candy that comes in bite- You can use Yum Yums to improve your When the GM calls for a Weakness roll, the
sized pieces such as M&Ms™ or characters’ fortunes and abilities and to character may spend Yum Yums to keep
Smarties™. save their lives in tough situations. Don’t the Weakness from taking effect. The YY
hoard your Yum Yums—just as you need to cost is equal to the character’s modified
spend money to boost a sagging economy, Weakness Number divided by 3.
Why Candy? so must you spend Yum Yums to keep your To Avoid or Reduce Damage: A charac-
Yum Yums are a reward, and though QAGS games lively. The most common ter may spend YY to reduce the amount of
poker chips or shiny rocks would fill this uses for Yum Yums are described below. damage he sustains when an opponent suc-
role, how rewarding is it really to be given As Food: If you want to, you can eat your cessfully attacks. Damage is reduced by 3
a shiny rock? Using candy gives the reward Yum Yums. Goddamn, they’re good, aren’t points for each YY spent.
a value outside of the game mechanics—if they? Unfortunately, eating Yum Yums has To Increase Damage: When a character
a player feels that he has enough Yum
Yums to survive the game, he can actually
eat a few pieces of candy. Of course, if he
miscalculated, he’ll run out of Yum Yums
too soon, leading to the familiar literary
scenario of the hero who suffers defeat due
to his own hubris. When a player spends
Yum Yums, he gives them to the GM, who THE TERM “YUM YUMS”
can eat the candy in order to sustain the
sugar buzz so vital to running an exciting Since the initial release of QAGS, several people have commented that “Yum
game. Yums” is a silly name for a game mechanic. While these people are 100% correct,
the nice thing about silly names is that, if you say them often enough, they usually
The Theory Behind Yum stop sounding silly (“Naboo” is a notable exception). If, however, you just can’t get
over the silliness of the term “Yum Yums,” feel free to call them something else—
Yums hero points, karmic counters, whatever you like. After all, we certainly wouldn’t
want you to feel silly while you’re pretending to be a swashbuckling elf named
Many game systems attempt to model Glixicore Mistymoon.
reality. A statistical analysis of the QAGS
GARY BEDELL
the character sheet is—as the character

gets more experience, he learns new
skills, new gimmicks, new jobs, new class-
es, new feats, new knacks, new powers,
new dirty tricks, and new trivia. In addi-
tion to being confusing, this is terribly
successfully attacks an opponent, he may that will chew you up and spit you out, unrealistic. The truth is, most of the
increase the amount of damage caused by she still has the same Words and things we learn only stay in our active,
spending YY. Each YY spent increases the Numbers. Likewise, the grumpy old coot everyday memory for a few weeks. After
damage by 3 points. whose life is changed when he meets a that, they fade away into our general pool
To Bend Reality: In addition to using spunky young runaway still has the same of knowledge and abilities (Body, Brain,
YY to affect game mechanics, players may Words and Numbers as before; he’s just and Nerve, in QAGS terms). Most games
also use them to affect the game world. happier. have Words similar to Body, Brain, and
Essentially, a player may spend YY to cre- Of course, this is a role-playing game. Nerve to account for this, but it only
ate a situation more favorable to his char- And most people, no matter how often we applies to the time before the character
acter. The basic rule of such “reality tell them otherwise, still think that was created. The character has perfect
bends” is that they cannot contradict any- because it’s a game, there’s a way to recall of everything he learns from the
thing that has already been established. “win.” Most people therefore equate char- time when the game starts onward. Since
The number of Yum Yums required to acter improvement with “winning.” this is really dumb (and because we pre-
bend reality is entirely up to the GM. This Fortunately, we don’t have to include fer to avoid characters with 400 skills),
use of Yum Yums is the purest, most basic character improvement rules just to keep we use the system outlined below.
form of GM bribery, and should be han- the simple-minded happy, because it does
dled as such. actually make sense for a character’s
For Character Improvement: This is skills and abilities to improve over time. Increasing Skill Bonuses
described in more detail below. After all, King Arthur would have been In QAGS, as in life, characters improve
pretty worthless if he never learned how themselves by learning new things. For
to be king, instead of just a lowly squire. the sake of simplicity, we call these things
Improving Your Character Anyway, eventually players are going to “Skills.” As you may already know, these
During a good game, characters will want to improve their characters, either Skills have something called a “Skill
grow and change. Usually, such character because they’re power-mad munchkins or Bonus” attached to them. A player can
development has nothing at all to do with because it actually makes some kind of increase his character’s Skill Bonus by
the game rules. When the spunky young sense. spending a number of Yum Yums equal to
runaway with a heart of gold discovers In most games, the relative power of a the new Skill Bonus. For example, if
that the world is a cruel, uncaring place character can be judged by how confusing Jimmy the Squid wants to raise his
A GENERAL NOTE AM I FORGETTING SOMETHING?
ABOUT CHARACTER At first glance, it might look like trading in Skill bonuses means that you forget how
to do stuff. That’s not entirely correct. First off, keep in mind that for most things that
IMPROVEMENT
happen in QAGS, you don’t need a Skill. You can just use Body, Brain, or Nerve. To
make things even clearer, you have to think like a number-crunching munchkin for
a moment. The key to trading in Skill bonuses without “forgetting” anything is to just
Changes to the character should trade in +1 from each Skill.
make sense within the story. For the Let’s say your character has a Body of 11 and has the following Skills: Climbing +1,
most part, improving Numbers and Running +2, Swimming +3, and Dodge +2. That means that he needs to roll 12 or
Skill Bonuses isn’t a big deal, especial- less to climb, 13 or less to run or dodge, and 14 or less to swim. To raise his Body
ly if the character has used those Number, he’d need to trade in 4 Skill Bonuses (12 divided by 3). If he trades in +1
Numbers or Skill Bonuses regularly. from each of his skills, he still needs to roll 12 (Body 12) or less to climb, 13 or less to
However, when a character learns run or dodge (Body 12 +1 Skill Bonus), and 14 or less to swim (Body 12 +2 Skill Bonus).
something new, it should be some- On top of that, if he wants to break down a door or something, he’s got a slightly
thing that makes sense in terms of better chance (since he’s rolling against 12 instead of 11).
the story. For some Skills, this can be
done by simply describing what you can use them to increase your Health Bonuses. Numbers must be raised one
characters do during their down Point Number. The cost is 3 Yum Yums point at a time. The Skill Bonuses that the
time. For example, the Gunslinger per Health Point. character trades in have to be in Skills
may teach the Kid how to shoot, or that are in some way related to the Word
being raised, but don’t all have to come
Increasing Other Numbers
the Tap Dancer may enroll in an
algebra class. Other skills may require from the same Skill. For example, the
a bit more work, or be impossible to You can increase any other Number character raising his Body could trade in
learn. For example, a character who (Body, Brain, Nerve, Job, or Gimmick) by Skill Bonuses from “Climbing”,
wants to learn the “Pilot” Skill will spending a number of Yum Yums equal to “Swimming”, or “Weight Lifting”, but not
need access to a plane, while the the new Number. So, if you want to raise from “History”. Skill Bonuses that are trad-
character who’s stranded on a your Body from 9 to 10, it’ll cost you 10 ed in no longer affect the character—basi-
desert island will probably need to Yum Yums. If you want to decrease your cally they’re now reflected in the higher
put his dreams of becoming a com- Weakness Number, the cost is equal to the score of the Word that the character raised.
puter programmer on hold until he OLD Number. So, if your Weakness If a character’s Skill Bonus in a Skill drops
gets back to the mainland. Number is 12, it’ll cost you 12 YY to lower to zero, he no longer has that Skill.
it to 11. Players are forbidden to keep a list of
Skill Bonuses that have been traded in or
“Bustin’ Kneecaps” Skill Bonus from +3 to Skills that have been lost due to such
+4, it would cost him 4 Yum Yums. A char- Trading In Skill Bonuses trading. If you can’t remember that your
acter can learn a new Skill, with a Skill It takes a lot of Yum Yums to increase character once knew how to do something
Bonus of +1, by spending 3 Yum Yums. A your Numbers, and it’s sometimes hard to without looking at a list, chances are he’s
Skill Bonus can only be increased by +1 resist the temptation to just eat the big forgotten how to do it, gotten rusty, or
per session, unless you can give the GM a pile of candy you’ve been saving to get that whatever. If it was important enough that
compelling reason to the contrary. For new, higher Body Number. If you want to your character would remember learning
most games, +5 is the maximum Skill get some use out of those Yum Yums now the Skill, you should remember it, too. In
Bonus a character may have in any Skill. without losing the chance to improve your this case, just remind the GM that your
character later, put them into Skill character “used to work at Subway” or
Bonuses. Later on, you can trade in those whatever and she’ll probably give you a
Increasing Health Points Skill Bonuses to improve your Body, Brain, concept bonus for your roll to make that
If you’ve ever watched a movie or tele- Nerve, Gimmick, or Job Number. This sec- sandwich.
vision, you’ve probably noticed that stars tion tells you how that works. Note: At the GM’s discretion, it’s possi-
don’t die as often or as easily as random The number of Skill Bonuses required ble for a character to trade in Skill
extras. That’s because they’re more inter- to raise a Number is equal to the new Bonuses in order to lower his Weakness
esting—they’ve got names and stuff. Number in the Word divided by three. So, Number. In this case, the character trades
Since Yum Yums are basically a measure if a character wants to raise his Body in a number of Skill Bonuses equal to his
of how interesting QAGS characters are, from 11 to 12, he’ll have to trade in 4 Skill old Number, divided by three. So, if a
character wants to decrease a Weakness appropriate to that Job. It’s up to the GM few differences in the basic duties and
from 9 to 8, it’ll cost him 3 Skill Bonuses. and player to decide what Skills are Skills for the Job, the character simply
As with other Words, the Skill Bonuses essential, and at what level of compe- changes his Job title to reflect his new
traded in must be appropriate—in this tence they need to be learned. Once the position, pay scale, or whatever.
case, things that offset the Weakness. So, character’s got all the necessary Skills, he Shifting Focus: Sometimes a character
if a character wants to decrease his still doesn’t necessarily have the Job. takes on a new job with different duties
“Smelly Gamer Geek” Weakness, he may Remember, a Job isn’t just about Skills— but many of the same primary skill
trade in Skill Bonuses from skills like it also includes trappings, official accep- requirements. When this happens, the
“Personal Hygiene” and “Not Talking tance (if applicable), and sometimes even character will change his Job title and
about My D&D Character.” a paycheck. In most cases, these are lose a few points off of his Job Number to
things that the character has to get “in- reflect the fact that he’s still getting used
game.” A character who wants to become to the new duties and learning the new
Using Skill Bonuses to a Private Detective can probably get away skills. The number of points lost will
Increase Skill Bonuses with just buying a gun, renting an office,
and filling out the appropriate forms to
depend on how different the two jobs are.
Becoming a Specialist: If the charac-
As masturbatory as it may sound, a get a P.I. license. A character who wants ter is merely taking on a more specialized
character may trade in Skill Bonuses to to become Pope, on the other hand, will form of his existing job, he’s becoming a
increase other Skill Bonuses. Usually, this have to spend years rising through the specialist. To do this, the player and GM
happens when a character trades in “spe- ranks of the Catholic Church. Once the first determine the requirements for
cialty” type Skills to improve the more character has secured all the trappings becoming a specialist. This is much like
general Skill. For example, a character and learned the basic Skills, he gets the determining the requirements for a Job.
may trade in Skill Bonuses in “American Job with a Number of 6. He may then Once the character has met those
History”, “German History”, and “French trade in appropriate Skill Bonuses to requirements, he trades in the appropri-
History” to increase his “History” score. increase the Number. ate Skill Bonuses for a new Job title (the
The number of Skill Bonuses required in Job Number stays the same).
this case is equal to the new Skill Bonus Getting Rid of a Job: Sometimes, one
in the Skill being raised. Other Stuff with Jobs of a character’s old Jobs just doesn’t make
In addition to getting a new Job, char- sense anymore. When this happens, the
acters may sometimes want to make character can get rid of the old Job. When
Learning a New Job changes to, or entirely rid themselves of, he does this, the character gets a number
When a character wants to learn a new an existing Job. Here’s how you do it. of Skill Bonuses (unattached to any spe-
Job, he’ll start out by learning the Skills Changing Job Titles: If there are very cific Skill) equal to his Number in the
“GROOVIN’” GARY BEDELL

Job. These Skill Bonuses may be traded in story. Usually, you don’t even have to ment of randomness), they should feel
to improve any of the character’s other worry about keeping up with them as free to assign a Number and use normal
Numbers or Skills, or even to buy new “official” stats. If a character loses a leg, Gimmick and Weakness rolls. For exam-
Skills, as long as the improvements make makes an enemy, or becomes filthy stink- ple, the GM may want to assign a
sense. ing rich, the effects are usually pretty Number to an “Enemy” Weakness so she
obvious. If, however, the GM and players can roll each session to see if the enemy
feel that the effects of such a Gimmick shows up.
Gimmicks and Weaknesses and Weakness would be best left to the
Gimmicks and Weaknesses are earned game rules (either because there is dis-
through play, as a natural part of the agreement or because they want an ele-

A week has passed since the exciting evil clown session, and now the players gather at Jesse’s place again.
Sparky: That’s just what I’m saying, Luke. Luke: Good God, no! find it completely empty. No clowns, no
It’s criminal how underrated Hudson Mr. Harrison, nothing.
Hawk is. Absolutely criminal. Jesse: What you have to understand
about QAGS, Bianca, is that it doesn’t Luke: I want to search the whole build-
Luke: Sparky, are you insane? That attempt to model reality. Instead, it— ing, top to bottom, for clues. That would
movie’s terrible. be, what, a Brain roll?
Sparky: He means you can bribe the
Sparky: [forms his fingers into a cross] GM with candy. Jesse: Sounds good.
Blasphemer! Get thee behind me!
Jesse: Yes, that’s the basic idea. I hand Luke: Damn, I rolled a 14. I fail.
Jesse: Please, Sparky, take your Ritalin. out Yum Yums when you players are
It’s time to get started. doing a good job. For instance, remem- Bianca: Let me try. I’m also going to
ber last time when you came up with search the building, but I’m going to
Sparky: Sorry, Jesse, it’s just a very sensi- that plan to get Jimmy registered in the spend a Yum Yum. [hands Jesse a piece
tive topic with me. Before we start, hospital? I gave you a Yum Yum then for of candy]
though, I’ve got something for you. your quick thinking.
[Sparky reaches into his backpack and Jesse: [pops the candy in his mouth]
produces a large bag of Smarties™, Once you’ve got Yum Yums, you can Aha! You find something that Bruce
which he hands to Jesse.] spend them to influence the game. You overlooked—a hidden trapdoor in the
can buy an automatic success, for basement. It’s large and it looks heavy.
Jesse: Hey, thanks! I was almost out. example.
[Jesse opens the bag and hands Sparky Bianca: I open it. [rolls Body] I roll a 3,
some candy.] Here’s a couple of Yum Bianca: Oh, cool! We don’t have to roll which is a success.
Yums for your efforts. the dice so much.
Jesse: Unfortunately, this is a very big
Sparky: Excellent. Bubba: What are you talking about? I door. You rolled under the DN, so it still
love rolling dice! [Bubba picks up a die won’t come open. It probably takes
Jesse: Hopefully all of you wrote down and rolls it.] Look! I got an 18! I rock! several people to open it.
how many Yum Yums your characters
had at end of last week’s session. [Jesse distributes the appropriate Yum Bianca: I round up the other three and
Yums to everyone.] get them to help me.
Bianca: I got five pieces of candy last
session but I still don’t understand what Jesse: When we left off last time, you Sparky: Other two—I’m still in the hospi-
they’re for. Am I supposed to eat them? guys had gone back to the disco to tal.

Bubba: Don’t worry, baby, we’ll open what looks like an altar. Bianca: How does that work?
that door for you. [pats Bianca on the
shoulder] Bubba: I check out the altar. Jesse: Well, you can use Yum Yums to
raise your Numbers and learn new Skills.
Bianca: On second thought, I want to try Luke: I study the runes and pictures on You can also trade in some of your Skill
again by myself. I spend a Yum Yum. the walls. Bonuses to improve Numbers.
Luke: If the door has a set Difficulty Bianca: I shudder at the sight of all these Bianca: Well, I’d kind of like for my char-
Number, one Yum Yum probably won’t horrible, evil clowns and fall down to the acter to know more about the evil
be enough. ground clutching my head and moaning. clown cult. Can I get some kind of Skill in
that?
Bianca: How many Yum Yums will I Jesse: Way to stay in character, Bianca.
need? Have a Yum Yum. [hands Bianca a piece Jesse: Well, since all you know about
of candy] them is what’s in your background and
Jesse: Who can say? [Jesse performs a the few things you’ve picked up during
quick calculation—he’s assigned the Bubba: Anything cool on the altar? the session, it doesn’t really make sense.
door a DN of 10. Each Yum Yum Bianca But if you can figure out a way for
spends will be worth 3 points, so she will Jesse: Just dried blood. You’re not sure if Michelle to learn more about the cult
need 4 YY to succeed in this task.] it’s human or not. between now and the next session, I
guess you could get a skill in “Evil Clown
Bianca: I spend 3 Yum Yums. [hands Luke: These pictures on the wall are of Cults.”
Jesse three pieces of candy] evil clowns from throughout history, right?
Bianca: I guess I could check out the
Luke: Here, take a couple of mine, too. Jesse: Looks that way. library, but I doubt there’d be much
[tosses Jesse two pieces of candy.] there. How about if I start checking out
Luke: So it makes sense that there might the internet for information on the guys
Bianca: Thanks! You didn’t have to do be some recent evil clowns on here as who are confirmed evil clowns. Would
that. well, right? Maybe some evil clowns that that be okay?
we know?
Bubba: Hey, is that allowed? Those aren’t Jesse: That would work, but you guys
her Yum Yums! Jesse: It’s possible, but— don’t have a computer in the van.
Jesse: I’d say it’s okay. Bruce is thinking Luke: [hands Jesse two pieces of candy] Bianca: Could I maybe go to cyber-
positive thoughts about Michelle or I’d say it’s likely, wouldn’t you? cafes and public libraries whenever we
something. stop to rest?
Jesse: [eats the candy] Yeah, now that
Anyway, Michelle, you summon up all you mention it, you do notice a picture Jesse: I’ll let you get away with that. It’ll
your strength and all your rage at the on the wall that looks a lot like someone cost you 3 Yum Yums to get a Skill Bonus
evil clowns who have ruined your life, you know. of +1.
and with a mighty effort you swing the
trapdoor open. It reveals a stone stair- Bianca: Really? Who is it? Bianca: Cool. Oh, wait! Since we adopt-
way. ed the little girl whose parents were
Jesse: Beneath the facepaint and the killed by the evil clowns, do we need to
Bianca: I head down the stairs. sinister grin, it looks a lot like sweet old get any Gimmicks or Weaknesses?
Nurse Quigsley. Maybe “Sidekick” and “Obligations” or
Luke: Bruce hears the loud sound of something?
Michelle opening the trapdoor, and Bubba: Holy shit!
comes down to the basement. Jesse: Nope. We can handle any
Jesse: Meanwhile, Jimmy, you’re in the advantages or drawbacks of having an
Bubba: Yeah, so does Mad Dog. hospital when you see that nice Nurse 8 year-old around through role-playing.
Quigsley coming into your room… Besides, you’ll only have her with you
Jesse: The three of you descend into the until you get to her distant aunt’s house
darkness. You find a large, open room. (Several Hours Pass) in Montana.
The walls are ringed in candles, and by
their light you can see ancient runes Jesse: Good job, everyone! Before we Sparky: I seriously need some more
and terrifying pictures of clowns through- call it a night, does anyone want to Health Points. How much will that cost
out history. In the center of the room is improve their character? me?

Jesse: 3 Yum Yums for every point you Bubba: Well, there’s been almost no Jesse: Well, you’ve done all those things
want to raise your total. combat, so I haven’t done much. The the last few sessions, so I guess it makes
only time I’ve spent Yum Yums is when sense.
Sparky: Ok. I’ve got 7 Yum Yums, so I I shot that clown. Plus, you gave me 3
could raise my HP by 2. But that would Yum Yums for sending you that link to Luke: Are you sure you want to do that?
just leave me 1 Yum Yum for the next ses- the “A-Team” episode guide. You won’t have any Yum Yums for the
sion. I think I’ll just raise my HP by 1 and next session.
keep the other 4 Yum Yums. Jesse: Oh, right. Well, you could trade in
some of your Skill Bonuses instead. Let’s Bubba: I think I’ll be okay. Now, if I trade
Bubba: All right, first I want to raise my see, since your new Number would be in Dodge, Running, and Climbing, then
Body. 16, you’d need to trade in 5 Skill Bonuses trade in +1 from Shooting and +1 from
from Body-related skills. Brawling, I can raise my Body to 15.
Jesse: Sure thing. That’ll cost you 15 Yum
Yums. Bubba: Well, I’ve only got Shooting +2 Luke: I’m going to raise my Investigation
and Brawling +2. Wait, I can spend my to +2. That’ll cost me 2 Yum Yums.
Bubba: Damn! I’ve only got 9 Yum Yums. Yum Yums to buy a couple more. Let’s
see. All right, I’m going to buy Dodge +1, Jesse: Okay. Well, if everyone’s done,
Jesse: Shit! How the hell did you get that Running +1, and Climbing +1. That’ll cost we’ll meet back here next week for
many? 9 Yum Yums. another session….
DALE FRENCH

CHAPTER FIVE
the fine art of role-playing
W ord on the street is that good role-

players earn Yum Yums. So now you’re
curious about how to be a good role-player,
interesting. The key is not to create a char-
acter who’s mind-blowingly strange or pow-
erful, but to create one who will add some-
connections to the game world—even the
brooding loner5 has to live somewhere.
Once you’ve got your character figured
aren’t you? Obviously mastering the fine thing to the game. Context can mean a lot. out, stay in character. Keep your player
art of role-playing will take some work on A regular guy who’s a plumber, for knowledge and character knowledge sepa-
your part, but we can give you a few of the instance, becomes a lot more interesting rate. Maybe you know that the GM is plan-
basics. once he’s magically transported to ning on incorporating a certain plot twist,
medieval Europe. but that doesn’t mean your character does.
Grounding your character in the game Be willing to keep your character’s person-
Your Character world will make him seem more real. ality, beliefs, and goals consistent, even if
The goal is to bring your character to Figure out some of the colorful details of doing so screws your character over. In our
life, to give the impression that he’s a real his life. Maybe he’s in a bad mood all the experience, many players want their char-
person. This will be easier if you come up time because the disco under his apart- acters to be supremely powerful and in
with an interesting character. A “totally ment keeps him from getting enough sleep. control of every situation. Yet characters
bad-ass dude with an Uzi,” for example, is Make connections with other PCs and are generally more interesting when
not an interesting concept. On the other GMCs. This can begin in character cre- they’re, for instance, naked and on fire.
hand, some character concepts—”he’s a ation (“Oh, you’re also playing a gas station Don’t be afraid to let your character suf-
mutant space elf from the future who talks attendant? Maybe our characters work fer—it makes for a good story, and it does-
with fish and is fighting an ongoing battle together. And our gas station could be n’t hurt you personally. This doesn’t mean
with depression and he works for this top down the road from Doug’s character’s cas- you have to act out your character’s every
secret spy organization based out of tle . . .”) and continue on a smaller scale as emotional state. Most of us are not experi-
Belgium and eats only meat”—are too you play the game. Every character has enced enough actors to convincingly con-
MARK KIDWELL
5
Every gaming group has at least one person who wants to play the brooding loner. If you feel you must do this, please figure out a compelling reason why your char-
acter might actually work with the other characters. Once your character says “I’m not a team player,” they’ll be entirely within their rights to say “Okay,” and ignore
you for the rest of the evening.

vey genuine suffering. You can always say, Though these sorts of contributions can get extra YY if you can make her squirt
“My character weeps mournfully over the be helpful, ultimately game sessions are milk out her nose.
loss of his friend,” which gets the idea more fun. So keep working on that shy-
across just as well as crying in the middle ness thing.
of the game Fleshing Out the Game
As these terrible things keep happen-
ing to your character, let your character Working with the GM World
evolve. People grow and change over The GM is not your opponent. She’s No matter what she may tell you, the
time. So should fictional characters. your collaborator, and she needs you to GM is only human. She’s also a busy girl.
After your character has lost that dear help make the game a success. The GM Not only does she have to keep you play-
friend, is he really going to be so happy- may be using music, candlelight, and ers in line, she’s also got to create the
go-lucky? Your character may have start- detailed descriptions of the setting to cre-
game world. Why not help her out?
ed out as the charming kid with a heart ate a gothic mood for the game, but one
Periodically suggest possible plotlines.
of gold, but after ten years of black-ops dumb joke from you can ruin the effect.
This doesn’t mean you have to say, “I have
for the CIA he’s not going to be the same Try to restrain yourself, get into the mood,
a plot to suggest!” In the course of the
person anymore. Don’t force a personality and try to convey the appropriate mood to
change, but don’t fight it when it comes the other players. game you can say something like, “I hate
naturally. As the game advances, you’ll need to leprechauns. I always have, since that evil
suspend your disbelief. The story may one-armed leprechaun kidnapped my sis-
break the laws of nature, and the GM may ter.” If the GM is running out of ideas, she
Advancing the Story claim, “The GM’s Section told me I could!” will welcome an idea like this, and you
Having an interesting and well-devel- She’s telling the truth. Different genres, will see that evil one-armed leprechaun in
oped character is important, but it does- and different fictional worlds, operate the near future. In addition to major
n’t mean much if you don’t do anything. according to different rules. Even though plots, you can always start new subplots.
Some people are naturally shy or unsure you may be have a doctorate in biology, if A feud with another PC, trying to find out
what to do in a role-playing game. They the GM is running a super-hero game, a girl’s phone number, and an ongoing
end up sitting in a chair and watching you’ll need to accept that radioactive mental breakdown can all be entertaining
everyone else play. This is no fun. To real- waste can instantly transform people into subplots.
ly enjoy the game you’ll need to put your super-humans. If, on the other hand, the You can also help develop locations and
fears aside and throw yourself into it. Put GM makes an actual mistake, or forgets a supporting characters for the game. Draw
forth plans for the group. Try to solve the detail from a previous session, let her a map of your character’s home town.
mystery. Advance your character’s agen- know but don’t make a big issue of it. The
Create interesting family members.
da. Crack jokes, kill monsters, jump off important thing is to not sidetrack the
Contribute ideas about what’s in your
buildings, make sweet love, and risk game.
world’s newspaper headlines. Individual
everything in one last, desperate attack In addition to not being a pain in the
GMs will vary in how much input they’ll
on your enemy. Remember, the GM pro- ass, you can help the GM by keeping the
vides the backdrop, but it’s up to you to game running smoothly. You can play an let you have into designing the world.
keep the story moving forward. occasional supporting character, keep a Some will limit you to the details directly
If, even after a few sessions, you still record of the PC group’s activities, or pro- relating to your character; others will be
feel uncomfortable in the spotlight during vide pizza and beer. And when the game perfectly happy giving you your own conti-
the game, or if you have loads of free grinds to a halt you can try to push the nent and letting you run with it.
time, there are other things you can do to other players toward a course of action or
help advance the story. You might want to
write a description of what your character
punch the people who are slowing things
down.6
Other Ways of Helping Out
is doing between sessions. Or contribute And unless it’s disruptive to the tone of GMs like it when you perform other
ideas to the GM, as we discuss below. the game, GMs like being amused. You’ll helpful tasks, like doing their laundry.
6
Note from the Hex Games Legal Department: This is a joke, of course. Never harm your fellow players.

A few weeks have passed. Now it’s almost time for another session. Bianca has just shown up at Jesse’s place.
Jesse: Oh, hello, Bianca. The game’s Jesse: Damn. I had my doubts about Sparky: I want to—
not for another fifteen minutes. you at first, Bianca, but you’ve turned
out to be a really good player. Bubba: What other plans?
Bianca: I know. I came early so I could
show you some of the stuff I’ve been Bianca: It’s funny, I didn’t expect to Bianca: It’s none of your business.
working on. even like role-playing—I only came
along to please Bubba. But now I love Bubba: I say it is my business. You’re my
Jesse: Huh? it. This game is the high point of my girlfriend, aren’t you?
week.
Bianca: Remember how you said you Luke: Stop harassing her, Bubba.
were having trouble figuring out the Jesse: I bet Bubba’s proud of you.
evil clowns? Like, where they originat- Bubba: Shut up. Come on, what it is
ed? I did some research online, and Bianca: Who cares what he thinks? you got to do that’s so important?
figured out a way to tie the clown cult
in with Babylonian mythology. There Jesse: Uh, right. Hey, looks like Sparky’s Bianca: If you must know, I’m going out
are some really cool parallels. Here, I here. with Luke.
printed it out. [hands Jesse some
sheets of paper] Sparky: Howdy, folks! I brought the Bubba: What?! But he’s queer!
Cheetos™ and root beer!
Jesse: Wow. Thanks. I can’t promise I’ll Luke: Bisexual. That means I like boys
use this, but I’ll definitely read it. [Luke and Bubba arrive and, after and girls. [smiles at Bianca] Girls like the
some small talk and snacking, play lovely Bianca.
Bianca: I’ve also been thinking about begins.]
Michelle’s past a lot. I never figured out Bubba: [rising from the table] So you
why she became a rodeo clown in the Jesse: We left off in the bar, where you like girls, huh? Do you like getting your
first place. I mean, I know where she and Monty got into that big fight with ass kicked? Huh?
got the skills, but what about the moti- the hitmen. Bubba, your dear friend
vation? Then last session when I had Monty is lying there filled with bullets. Jesse: Bubba, please! Not in my living
her jump off the building and tackle His blood is splattered all around the room!
the evil Elvis impersonator — room. He’s still stirring, though, and you
can see that he’s slowly, painfully, trying Sparky: Come on, man. You can’t
Jesse: That was great, by the way. Very to speak . . . blame her. Luke’s just way cooler than
dramatic. you are.
Bubba: Whatever. I wait until he croaks.
Bianca: Thanks. Anyway, after that, it Bubba: I’m gonna strangle you, you
occurred to me that she acts really Bianca: [sighs disapprovingly] little— [reaches for Sparky]
brave to compensate for this deep-
rooted fear she has. It all goes back to Bubba: Hey Bianca, you wanna catch Jesse: Bubba! Get ahold of yourself! All
her childhood . . . well, I’ll let you read a movie tomorrow night? of you, listen to me! This is supposed to
about it. [hands Jesse some pages] I be a role-playing game, not profession-
wrote up a short personal history. It’s Bianca: No thanks, Bubba. I’ve got al wrestling! It’s fun! It’s make-believe!
got some GMCs you can use, but other plans. So let’s leave our personal problems at
mainly I wrote it to get a better handle the door!
on her. I think she’ll have a lot more Jesse: Can we please focus on the
depth now. game here? Bubba: Fuck this. I’m out of here. [walks

out the door] Bianca: What, are you kidding? Bianca: But nothing. We’re playing
QAGS, goddamn it!
Jesse: Well, shit. [throws down pencil] Luke: Huh? But Bubba—
There goes another gaming group. Jesse & Luke: [stunned silence]
Bianca: Who cares about Bubba? He’s
Luke: [standing up] It’s too bad, Jesse, it a lousy player. Sit down! Sparky: Amen!
really is. Bianca, do you maybe want to
go see that movie tonight? Luke: But—
GARY BEDELL

CH
EN
FR
ALE
D

GAME MASTER’S
INTRODUCTION
SECTION
A t last you’ve made it. You’ve slogged through the Player’s Section. You’ve forced yourself to grin at the attempts at humor, patiently
biding your time. Now you’re ready to take the next step, to make the plunge, to learn to be a Game Master. Master . . . yes, you
like the sound of that. They’ve pushed you around for too long. Now you’re the MASTER, goddamn it! You’ve got all the power! You run
the show! You’ll show them who’s boss!
There’s good news and bad news.
The good news is, the GM really does wield tremendous power in the game—even more in QAGS than in most game systems. You
can veto character concepts. You can decide whether actions succeed. You can demand tribute in the form of candy.
The bad news is, you won’t have tremendous power in real life. You’ll still be the same old you. If you’re a power-mad tyrant who
crushes the PCs at every turn, the players will quit the game. They may even key your car. And you’ll be powerless to stop them
because, let’s face it, they can kick your pasty ass.
Since they can shut down the game at any time, it’s in your best interests to work with the players. Set aside any domination issues
you may have. Treat the players with respect— you’re not the boss of them. All of you are working together to tell a story and have a
good time. Those are the only two goals that matter: tell a story and have a good time. It’s a game, right? You’ll have a lot more fun
when you’re working with the players than if you’re trying to crush them like bugs (not literally, of course).
As the GM, you’ll be in charge of maintaining the game world, the fictional environment in which the game takes place. You’ll create
big chunks of the world, set the tone, control dozens of characters, direct events, and resolve character actions. It’s an awesome
responsibility, but we think you’re up to it. After all, we’ve had our eye on you for quite some time now.
GARY BEDELL

CHAPTER SIX the basics
Y ou may feel like you’re the center of it

all, but without players, you’re back to
talking to yourself. Your first concern,
characters you’re
willing to allow in
the game. The
then, is getting yourself some players. genre of the game
Sometimes GMs recruit players at their you’re running
local game store or through role-playing will usually sug-
organizations. Most of the time, though, gest more or less
GMs recruit their friends. Don’t be frus- what types of
trated if your friends don’t have any previ- characters are
ous role-playing experience. Even people appropriate, but
who say they’ve never role-played before in some cases
probably played make-believe as children you’ll need to give
(you know, the tea party thing.) Explain the players addi-
the concept and answer any questions they tional informa-
may have. It’s a fairly simple concept, so tion. For example,
your biggest problem is going to be the per- if you’re playing a
vasive social bias against role-playing fantasy game, most
games. You’ll want to downplay this. Say players will assume that
things like, “This game’s cool—it’s got the “elf” is an appropriate char-
word Ass in the title!” Do whatever it takes acter concept. If the elves
to sucker them in. When they actually play in your world are members
they’ll realize how much fun it really is. of a hive mind and incapable
Once you’ve got players, don’t try to of independent thought, you
make them learn too much too soon. should probably let the play-
Though the average gamer looks at QAGS ers know.
as being laughably simple, to a normal per- Before you start worry-
son it’s still a lot of numbers and jargon. ing about Words and
Be a mentor: take your inexperienced play- Numbers, discuss each
ers by the hand and walk them through the player’s character con-
character creation process step by step. cept with him. Make
sure that the concept is
neither too powerful
Character Creation nor too weak.7 Talk
MARK KIDWELL
Characters are important to the game; about how the charac-

without characters, the game would be ter fits into the game
boring, like a James Michener novel. As world, help suggest ways
the GM, you must help the players through
the arduous character creation process.
Your players may spend weeks agonizing DUMB TABLE 7: STARTING YUM YUMS
over every last detail of their characters.
Well, that’s their problem. When they get Power Level Starting Examples
ready to bring the characters into the Yum Yums
game, it becomes your problem. This sec-
Depressing 50 Mr. Roper, Barney Fife
tion will give you some helpful guidelines Low 75 Drew Carey, Gilligan
to make your job easier. Average 100 Bo Duke, Jake Blues
High 125 John McClane, Brisco County, Jr.
Character Concepts Heroic
Super-Heroic
150
200
James Bond, King Arthur
Superman, Hercules
Before players start working on their Godlike 300 Odin, Merlin
character concepts, you’ll probably want to Ludicrous 500 Your 25th level Elven Paladin/Thief
set a few ground rules about what types of
7
Yeah, right . . . like any player is going to come up with a weak character concept. Still, we can dream.

to make the character fit better with the side the normal human range. When this player has in mind is truly a Weakness,
group, and offer constructive criticism. happens, hear the player out. If the not just a quirk or personality trait.
Discuss supporting GMCs, story hooks, unusual Number makes sense, allow it. If Chances are the player will want to
and the player’s plans for the character. If it doesn’t, don’t. choose a Weakness that has no actual
necessary, don’t be afraid to veto anything 2. Help the player choose a Job and game effects. Your job is to overrule such
that you feel will cause problems in the Job Number. It’s important that you and Weaknesses, or make plans to exploit
game. the player both understand what the them mercilessly. You should also be wary
character’s Job does and does not allow of the “one shot Weakness”—things that
the character to do. While some night don’t affect a character until (or after)
The Character Sheet watchmen may indeed possess ancient certain conditions have been met (Dark
Before players can start making their occult knowledge, the Job “Night Secrets are a good example). There
characters, you need to decide how many Watchman” certainly doesn’t imply such should be some karmic balance between
Yum Yums they’ll be given for character abilities. Most likely, the character will the Gimmick and Weakness. You may
creation. Dumb Table 7 gives some guide- have to choose a Gimmick or Skills to rep- allow stunningly powerful Gimmicks, but
lines. Feel free to give players extra Yum resent his vast knowledge of demonology. they should be offset by stunningly debili-
Yums for good character concepts. It’s up 3. Gimmick. The first thing you need to tating Weaknesses. Characters with less
to you how much of a role you want to do is make sure that the character’s useful Gimmicks should generally have
take in character creation. As mentioned Gimmick is really a Gimmick, not simply a less debilitating Weaknesses. In this way,
earlier, novice players need more help Job or Skill (see Chapter 1 for more infor- justice is served.
than experienced ones. Depending on mation). Also, the Gimmick should be 5. Gimmick and Weakness Numbers.
your group, you can go through the consistent with the character concept as When doing this, make sure that the
process with each player step by step or well as the genre and tone of the game. Numbers will make sense within the
simply let the players do all the work and The Gimmick should not overshadow or game. For example, if the character’s
then approve the characters or demand duplicate the Gimmicks of other charac- Gimmick and/or Weakness is “Vampire,”
changes once they’re finished. Even ters. Players will often attempt to choose he’ll need very high Numbers because a
though you don’t need to be involved with Gimmicks that give them unlimited Vampire’s powers usually work and his
every step of the character creation power. Your job is to limit them. Feel free vulnerabilities almost always affect him.
process, you should be available to answer to lay down the law or offer constructive You should also consider how unbalancing
any questions the players may have. The criticism as the situation demands. Make extremely high (or, in rare cases, low)
basic process of character creation is out- sure that you and the player agree on how Numbers will be to the game.
lined below. the Gimmick works. You’ll also want to 6. Skills. Once again, make sure that
1. Body, Brain, and Nerve. Since most make sure that the Gimmick fits with the the Skills fit the character concept. If
players will want nothing but high scores, character. For example, if the character necessary, make the player justify the
it might be a good idea to remind them has the uncanny ability to turn lead into Skill by explaining how the character
that spending all their points on Body, gold, why the hell is he working as a dish- learned it. You’ll also need to veto Skills
Brain, and Nerve will cause them to suck washer? that don’t fit the game world. For exam-
at their Job. Sometimes, a player will 4. Weakness. As with Gimmicks, your ple, if you’re running a historical game set
want a Body, Brain, or Nerve Number out- first job is to make sure that whatever the during the Roman Empire, characters
WHEN TO CHEAT RFTHOI

Never. You can’t cheat. By definition, For reasons we have yet to understand, some gamers just like to roll dice.
your every word is law. Sure, you’ll Perhaps it gives them a sense of control over their own destiny. Or maybe they
want to follow the rules in this book just like the feel of a die in their sweaty little hands, or the clackety-clack of dice
as much as possible. After all, QAGS is rolling across the table. Whatever the reasons, some players will get bored if
the finest game system ever crafted they don’t get to roll some dice every now and then. With lots of hard work and
by man. But remember that, in role- conditioning, most players can eventually be cured of this affliction. Until then,
playing, drama is everything. If the however, you’ll occasionally want to let them roll for stuff just to make them feel
rules interfere with a dramatic better. This is called Rolling For The Hell Of It (RFTHOI, pronounced “ruffed-hoy”).
moment, break them. Just like you Usually, it’s best to RFTHOI in situations where a failed roll is unlikely to have nega-
broke your poor mother’s heart when tive effects on your story.
you married that Gentile boy.

should not be allowed to have Skills in decisions. The first step in this process is
“American History” or “Comic Book Trivia.” to decide whether or not you’ll have to
7. Health Points. Actually, this is pretty invoke the awesome power of the QAGS
easy. If the player can’t do this on his own, system to determine a character’s success
maybe you should find a different player. or failure. Many character actions—for
8. WWPHITM? This is entirely up to example, walking across the room—can
the player. However, you should feel free
to ask questions as necessary. For exam-
be done automatically without resorting
to die rolls. However, if there is a signifi- THE SEVEN
ple, if the character chooses Woody Allen cant chance of character failure—or if
to play his gangsta rapper character,
something is horribly wrong.
you feel like it—you should require the
player to roll to determine whether or not
CARDINAL RULES OF
9. Tag Line: This is also up the player,
but you might ask him to explain why he
his character succeeds. The procedure for
handling this type of situation is outlined COMBAT
chose the Tag Line if you think it will help below.
you better understand the character. Tag 1) Decide what type of roll is neces- 1. Combat should be fast-
Lines (especially if they “match up” with sary (simple, resisted, roll against a paced and exciting.
WWPHITM?) can sometimes tip you off DN, etc). 2. Don’t let the rules get in
that the player is simply ripping off his 2) Decide what Word the player the way.
favorite movie character. When this hap- needs to roll against and whether or not 3. Use common sense.
pens, an intervention may be necessary. the roll is a Default Roll. You should 4. Make sure the players
10. Remember, you are God here. Feel also determine whether a Second Chance understand what’s happen-
free to change things later if they don’t Roll will be allowed if the roll fails. ing to their characters.
work. 3) Assign modifiers and set difficulty 5. Never let stupid arguments
numbers based on the situation. For bog down combat.
example, let’s say we’s campin’. And we’re 6. Opponents should be
When Players Want To Do nekkid, ‘cause we’s campin’. Holy fuck! challenging, but not too
Stuff What are we talking about? That’s the
wrong example. (Ahem.) Just let com-
powerful.
7. Include chainsaws when-
When players want to do stuff, you’ll be mon sense be your guide when assigning ever possible.
forced to make a number of important modifiers and DNs.
RICK HUDSON

4) Have the players roll. If GMCs or Before the game ever starts, read over long, set a time limit for them to respond
Cruel Forces of the Universe are involved, Chapter 3 a few times and make sure you (or just threaten to do so). If they want
you’ll need to roll for them. understand all the combat rules. These details, give them a quick answer. Remind
5) Determine the results based on the rules will be helpful, but don’t let them them that their characters are far too
roll (or rolls). Make sure to take into get in your way. Change, streamline, or busy dodging bullets and blocking punch-
account Yum Yums, Second Chance Rolls completely ignore the rules if it will help es to pay much attention to what’s going
and other stuff that could affect the out- combat seem more exciting. Whether or on around them.
come. not you use the rules isn’t important, as One of the most important elements of
6) Describe the results to the players. long as you can make the players think good combat is suspense—the players
you’re using them. Let them roll some should feel that their characters are in
dice, and roll a few yourself every now real danger. This doesn’t necessarily
Combat and then. Give the players a concerned require a statistical chance of PC death.
Good combat scenes, like good sex, look from time to time. Assign the charac- Encourage the players to imagine what it
should be fast-paced, exhilarating, and a ters some superficial damage. This will would really be like to fend off an angry
little scary. Unfortunately, there are few make it look like you know what you’re mob with only a baseball bat. Players who
things in the world more boring than doing. are in character will get swept away in
hours-long RPG fight scenes involving In addition to faking your way through the excitement even if their characters
thousands of dice rolls, endless cross-ref- the rules, you’ll need to create a sense of don’t take any damage.
erencing of charts and tables, and count- urgency when running combat. Keep in When characters do take damage, be
less complex mathematical equations. mind that combat is a fast-paced, life-or- creative. Don’t simply tell them “you take
Lucky for you, the QAGS combat system is death situation. Characters won’t have five points of damage.” Instead, describe
a lot easier than most. Still, running excit- time to study the situation and ponder the blinding pain, the bloody wound, and
ing combat scenes is one of the most chal- their next move. Players need to feel like the shock caused by the attack. Always
lenging things you’ll have to do as a GM. combat is happening right now. Act excit- tell the character where the bullet struck
ed. Talk fast. Gesticulate wildly, describ- or the punch landed. Usually, common
ing the rapid action, then whirl around to sense will suggest where the character is
point at the player and ask “What do you wounded. If not, use Dumb Table 8. If you
do?” If the players are taking too feel it’s appropriate, assign penalties to
the character’s actions based on his
injuries.
Injuries and Healing

Even if a character survives combat, his
problems aren’t necessarily over. Wounds
can fester and become infected, charac-
ters can be permanently scarred or
maimed, and characters can suffer from
flashbacks, phobias, and other forms of
post-traumatic stress. While not every
wound a character takes will have long-
term effects, characters are unlikely to
survive endless hours of combat without a
few scars. Ultimately, it’s up to you to
decide when a character will pick up per-
manent damage. Generally, this will be
the result of a near-death experience
(reaching 0 Health Points), taking mas-
sive damage (10 points or more) from a
single attack, or surviving a particularly
traumatic or unusual injury (a supernat-
ural attack or being burned with acid, for
example). It’s up to you to decide how
these effects are handled. Some may sim-
ply be descriptive (the character has a big
scar on his arm). Others may result in
MARK KIDWELL
game effects (the character who suffered

massive head trauma may lose a point of
Brain). Still others may need to be han-
dled through role-playing—for example, a
DUMB TABLE 8: WOUND
LOCATION
Roll Location
1 Head
2 Chest
3-5 Stomach
6-9 Right Arm
10-13 Left Arm
14-16 Right Leg
17-19 Left Leg
20 Groin
character who was nearly killed in a car

accident may get nervous when riding in a
speeding car.
Yum Yums
You already know what Yum Yums are
and how they work. “But how,” you ask,
“do I know when to give Yum Yums to the
players?” Damn, you sure ask a lot of
questions. If you keep this up, we’ll be
here all night. But we are willing to go
that extra mile for you, our fanatically
devoted fan base. The answer to your
question is simple: give the players Yum
Yums whenever they do something that
helps you out or makes the game more
fun. Yum Yums can be awarded for any-
thing from good role-playing to paying for
the pizza.
The number of Yum Yums you hand out
RICK HUDSON
during a game session is entirely up to

you. Don’t drown the players in candy, but
make sure you give them enough that
they’ll have a chance to survive the game.
Of course, players should never be able to
buy their way out of a situation outright.
Bad guys can also have Yum Yums, which
they can use against the PCs. In fact, bid-
ding wars between the PCs and the vil-
lains can add an element of excitement to
the game. Just don’t lose sight of what’s
actually going on in the story.
We mentioned earlier that Yum Yums
THE MOOK RULE
are the single most important mechanic We all know that there’s no chance of Captain America being killed by a random
of QAGS. Unfortunately, most players are Nazi. The Captain’s only in real danger when he faces a “name” super-villain like
fairly dense and therefore won’t realize the Red Skull. The same applies to many RPG characters. Since combat can be so
the importance of Yum Yums without a lit- time-consuming, it’s best to skip the rules when the bad guys don’t stand a
tle help. When the characters get into chance. Just describe the action and move on. Sometimes, the mooks will be buy-
trouble, remind them that they can spend ing time for the real bad guys. If this happens, the best way to handle the situation
Yum Yums to improve their odds, avoid is to make a single resisted roll to determine how long it takes the heroes to wade
damage, or buy successes. Eventually, through the mooks. If the mooks roll extremely well, you may even assign a few
most players will learn when to spend points of damage to the PCs.
their Yum Yums and when they can afford
to eat a few.
CHAPTER SEVEN the story
A s we’ve said again and again, one of the

central goals of role-playing is to tell a
good story. As the GM, it’s your job to lay
locations where the action of the story will
take place (a dragon’s lair, a skyscraper,
the backseat of a Volkswagen).
sure, but we do know that it can’t be the
subject of a story unless somebody hears it
and can tell his friends “you shoulda heard
the groundwork for the story you and the The genre you have chosen should give the sound that tree made when it fell.”
players will be telling. While the players you some basic information about setting; Likewise, there can’t be a ghost story or a
can lighten the workload by making sug- for example, a historical game, by defini- tale of pirate treasure if nobody knows the
gestions and creating story elements, it’s tion, takes place in the past. It’s up to you haunted house or a buried treasure exists.
ultimately up to you to make sure that to decide how much additional setting The people who spend their time investi-
everything fits together in an entertaining information is required. You can simply tell gating haunted houses, looking for pirate
way. This section discusses the basic ele- the players “the game takes place in a fan- gold, and listening to falling trees are
ments you’ll need to consider when build- tasy world,” or spend years developing called characters, and they’re the single
ing a story. unique cultures, creating new monsters, most important element of a story.
and learning to speak Elvish. Ultimately,
the amount of work you (and your players)
Genre put into your game’s setting will be deter-
Before you can do anything else, you and mined by the requirements of the story,
the players must select a genre. “What is a how much time you have, and how strong
genre?” you ask. “Is that French?” Yes, it is. your schizophrenic tendencies are.
It’s French for “type.” Actually, it means
much more than that. The French are
known for their ability to compress com- Ficton CROSS-GENRE
plex and multi-layered meanings into sin-
gle words. For instance, the word “oui”
“Ficton” is a term coined by science fic-
tion author Robert Heinlein. It means “fic-
GAMING
means “yes,” but can also express such tional universe.” Fritz Leiber’s Nehwon, Just because you’ve chosen a genre
elaborate meanings as “Yes, I’d like some Frank Miller’s Sin City, and Kevin Smith’s for your game doesn’t mean you’re
toast,” or, “Yes, I’d love to babysit your chil- View-Askewniverse are all examples of fic- limited to a particular type of story or
dren while you and your wife are vacation- tons. A story’s ficton combines genre con- set of conventions. No matter what
ing in Venice.” Similarly, “genre” refers to a ventions and setting details to create a set genre you’ve chosen, you can
story’s setting, tone, and conventions— of “rules” that governs the environment and always bring in elements and ideas
standard character types, plots, and the probabilities of a story. The ficton describes from others. If you want to involve
like. If you need help deciding on a genre, what sorts of things are (or are not) allowed super-hero characters in a
refer to the Qik Start Genre Guides on to happen or exist within the story. Stories Shakespearean tragedy or have
pages 61-70. Keep in mind that you don’t can have the same world and genre without World War II soldiers abducted by
always have to follow the genre rules. having the same ficton. For example, both aliens, go for it. Before you start cross-
Conventions can easily become cliches, so Scream and Nightmare on Elm Street are ing genre lines willy-nilly, however,
don’t be afraid to throw out anything that slasher-type horror movies with a modern- there are a few things you need to
seems tired or boring. day America setting, but they exist in com- think about. These are listed below.
pletely different fictional universes. The • How will the cross-genre elements
main divergence is that the Nightmare fic-
Setting affect the tone of the game?
ton includes blatantly supernatural ele- • How will cross-genre elements
Every story takes place somewhere. A ments not found in the Scream ficton. affect the game world? (This is espe-
story’s setting can be as simple as modern- We at Hex have developed our own fic- cially important when bringing in
day New Jersey or as complex as Tolkien’s ton, which we have cleverly named the Hex technological or supernatural ele-
Middle Earth. The setting of a story tells Ficton. The Hex Ficton is home to such ments not native to the game world.)
when and where it takes place. For when, games as M-Force (sold separately). • If you’re bringing in character
you need to know both the time period (far You’re welcome to play in this ficton, or, if types, creatures, or gadgets from
future, modern day, height of the Roman ours isn’t good enough for you (ingrates), another genre, how did they get into
Empire) and the “right now” of the story create your own little fictional universe. your world? If they’ve always been
(“A dark and stormy night,” the dead of there, why didn’t anyone know
winter, November 22, 1963). For where, you
Characters about them?
need to consider both the general “world” • How will the players react to the
of the story (Rome, The Far Reaches of the If a tree falls in a forest and nobody non-genre stuff?
Galaxy, Planet Zalooga) and the specific hears it, does it make a sound? We’re not
As we mentioned in the Players’
Section, there are two types of characters
in a role-playing game: PCs and GMCs.
For the most part, the players will handle
the PCs. You just have to set a few ground
rules and occasionally give them a hand.
THE RULES The GMCs, on the other hand, are your
show. Most of the GMCs in your game will
As with setting, your ficton can be the subject of as much or as little detail as fall into one of the five general categories
you feel is necessary. If you’re just running a one-shot game, you can proba- described below.
bly get away with using the default conventions for the genre. If you’re Allies: These are people who help the
planning on running a series of stories in the same ficton, however, you’ll PCs during the story. Examples include
probably want to give the rules and conventions of your ficton a little more the kindly old priest who channels the
thought. Some of the things you’ll want to consider are described below. power of GOD HIMSELF to heal the
Characters: In addition to deciding what types of characters exist in your wounded PCs, the grizzled army general
ficton, you’ll want to decide what types of characters are acceptable PCs. who loans them a tank every now and
If dwarves in your world have god-like abilities, for example, you might want then, and, of course, the wise old mentor
to restrict them to GMC status. You’ll also want to consider character con- who guides them along on their quest.
ventions—things like “crime fighters like to dress up in goofy costumes,” or Loved Ones: These are people valued
“all private detectives are scumbags.” by the PCs because of who they are, not
Magic and the Supernatural: You’ll need to figure out if magic, supernatural what they can do. While valued allies can
powers and other mystical forces exist in your world. If they do, you need to fall into this category, loved ones more
know how they manifest themselves, what they can do, and who can use often include family and friends who are
them. Consider the “price” of interacting with the supernatural (bad completely useless when it comes to
headaches, eternal damnation, long gray beards). You’ll also need to things like fighting dragons and solving
decide how close you want to stay to real-world magical traditions. Even mysteries. A character’s loved ones help
though your players will want to shoot lightning out of their fingertips, the define the character and give him some-
‘flash-bang’ style of magic found in most RPGs has no precedent in real- thing to fight for. They’re also useful
world mythology. pawns—a kidnapped or murdered loved
Technology: The setting will give you the basic technology level of the one can be a powerful motivator.
world, but you’ll need to think about how technology of your ficton differs Villains: This category includes anyone
from that of the real world. For example, most super-hero and spy movies whose goals are counter to those of the
include technology that’s not exactly realistic, and car ignition technology PCs. Mad scientists, evil overlords, and
in most horror fictons is primitive by today’s standards. For futuristic worlds, rampaging dragons are well-known exam-
you’ll need to figure out what technological marvels exist (faster-than-light ples of villains. Of course, not all villains
travel, ray guns, cybernetics, and the like). have to be such obvious bad guys. Corrupt
Realism: A world in which Crimebuster battles Dr. Malevolent in the secret
tunnels beneath Ultra City is by definition unrealistic. Still, sometimes following
the laws of our reality can lend credibility to even the most outrageous
story. You’ll want to think about how much the laws of reality in your ficton
differ from those of our world. For example, most gunshot victims in our world
are rendered virtually helpless due to shock and pain. In action movies, on
the other hand, a bullet in the shoulder is no more troublesome than a bee
sting.
Drama: You’ll need to figure out how hard the Cruel Forces of the Universe
(CFUs) in your ficton work to create dramatic situations. In stories, the most
important and dramatic scenes are often made more exciting because of
coincidence (the final showdown with the giant monster just happens to be
in the flight path of a major airport), natural phenomena (a thunderstorm
starts just as the hero and villain start fighting on the bridge), or simple bad
luck (the hero’s gun jams at a crucial moment).
Trademarks: Especially if you’re running multiple stories in the same ficton,
you’ll want to include a few recurring elements. These can be themes (the
good guys always win), locations (The Quick Stop), props (Big Kahuna burg-
ers), running gags (“I thought you’d be taller”), in-jokes (1138), or just about
anything else you can think of. These little touches can add a bit of flavor
DALE FRENCH
and style to your ficton, and give your players the opportunity to play a
drinking game and role-play at the same time.

politicians, greedy con-men, and immoral fectly logical and rational, no matter how self falling in love with a villain even
businessmen can fill the role just as easi- apeshit crazy it is. though he knows it’s wrong; or tampering
ly. Unless you’re running a melodramatic Cruel Forces of the Universe (CFU): with mystical forces may result in magical
game where Good and Evil are spelled Sometimes, the forces of nature will take backlash. The CFUs are usually just
with capital letters, keep in mind that on a major role in the story. A blizzard events, but there are times when they
most villains don’t see themselves as bad may block the character’s path or hinder take on a personality of their own and can
guys. They think what they’re doing is per- their enemies; a character may find him- be considered full-fledged characters.
That’s why that movie with George
Clooney and Marky Mark is called The
Perfect Storm. Without the storm, it’d just
be the story of two closet homosexuals on
a boat.
Regular Folks: This category includes
everyone who’s not a PC, ally, loved one,
OTHER STUFF WE WERE SUPPOSED TO villain, or CFU. In other words, most peo-
ple the characters will meet. Just because
LEARN IN ENGLISH CLASS these people will never play a major role
in the story doesn’t mean they shouldn’t
be memorable. By making them seem like
A good story answers six key questions: Who?, What?, When?, Where?, Why?, and real people, you’ll make your world seem
How? Good stories used to also answer the question “To What Extent?” but this a lot more believable.
qualification was repealed in 1989 during negotiations to prevent a teachers’ Here are five helpful hints and one
strike. Anyway, if any of your players happen to be English teachers, you’ll probably clever lie about using GMCs in your game.
want to make sure your story answers these questions. 1. Give them personalities. Make
Who are the characters in the story? Since you already know who the PCs are, the GMCs colorful and memorable. Even
main “Who?” you need to worry about is the person responsible for causing the stock characters used only briefly should
conflict. In addition, you need to think about what other characters the PCs are be given quirks or identifying mannerisms
likely to encounter during the story. Who are they? What do they know? What that make them unique. If most GMCs
resources to they have? don’t have personalities, players will prob-
What is the conflict of the story? Conflict is essential to a good story. That’s why ably suspect those that do of secretly
people don’t tell stories about going to the store to buy a loaf of bread unless being major villains.
they’re attacked by terrorists along the way, spot Elvis in aisle six, or have to deal 2. The level of detail necessary for a
with some incompetent cashier in the checkout line. GMC is proportional to the amount of
When is the story taking place? While the setting of the story will tell you the gener- “screen-time” that character will
al geological era in which the story happens, it’s good to have a bit more detail. receive. It isn’t necessary to know the life
How much time will pass during the story? Will major events happen at day or at history and innermost thoughts of the
night? What time of year is it? Are there any time limits on the action (the ritual pizza guy, unless he is secretly a major vil-
must be completed by midnight, Dr. Villain will destroy the world if he doesn’t get lain.
his Girl Scout Cookies by Thursday)? 3. Don’t get too attached to your
Where does the story take place? Again, you’ll already know some of this from the GMCs. If it’s time for them to die, let
setting. Think about where the PCs might go, where supporting characters are likely them go gently into that good night.
to be found, and what locations lend themselves to dramatic scenes. The level of Remember, the PCs are the heroes. If the
detail you’ll need for a location depends on what you suspect will take place GMC was secretly a major villain or some-
there. If the PCs are visiting King Vitamin’s castle for a masquerade ball, you’ll just thing, any information about him that the
need to know that it’s a nice place. If they’re storming King Vitamin’s castle, on the players don’t know can easily be trans-
other hand, you’ll probably want to draw a map and come up with lots of details ferred to another character.
about the castle’s defenses. 4. Don’t give GMCs access to knowl-
Why is this happening? Most conflict in RPGs is caused by a villain, so the key ques- edge that they wouldn’t realistically
tion here is “Why the hell is he doing that?” What does the antagonist hope to have. It is highly unlikely that the cab dri-
accomplish if his plans succeed? In addition to the bad guy, you’ll need to consid- ver knows the PCs’ plans and motives,
er the motivations of supporting characters. unless he is secretly a major villain.
How is the bad guy doing this? How can he be stopped? In order to commit a 5. Don’t let the GMCs do too much.
crime, you need means, motive, and opportunity. You already know the bad guy’s They should not overshadow the PCs, and
motive, and opportunity is usually completely arbitrary. While you don’t have to you should never let them resolve a major
know the villain’s plan down to the last detail, you need to know what resources he plot conflict. Also, keep in mind that
has available and how he plans to use them. You’ll also need to consider what GMCs should never simply be resources.
contingency plans the villain has in place in case something goes wrong. Finally, They’ve got their own problems, and won’t
since you probably want the PCs to win, you’ll need to make sure there are flaws in always have time to bail the PCs out of
the plan, and ways for the PCs to discover and exploit them. trouble. This is especially true when the
GMC has no particularly good reason to
help the PCs—for example, if he’s secret-
ly a major villain.
6. Every GMC should secretly be a
major villain.
Themes
CONVENTION GAMES Before you start plotting your story,
consider what its central theme might be.
Convention games are quite different from the games you run at home for your Most stories have one, and knowing it
friends. Therefore, you’ll need to follow a slightly different process when preparing early on can make plotting a lot easier.
for a con game. These guidelines will help you get started. Try to sum up the theme in a single sen-
Players: The first thing to realize when preparing a con game is that there’s a tence, like “Actions have consequences,”
good chance you’re not going to know most of the players. More importantly, at or, “Monkeys are not to be trifled with.”
least 25% of con-goers are card-carrying, USDA-approved morons. Understand Most themes are much more complex
going in that the odds of you having a good time are not good. than a single sentence, but this will get
Genre and Setting: You’re not going to have time to establish a rich world with you started. Whatever theme you’ve cho-
subtle nuances in a few hours, so stick with a straightforward setting. If there are sen, try not to be heavy-handed. The play-
important diversions from the “default” world for the genre you’re using (for exam- ers are interested in a game, not a ser-
ple, a fantasy world where knomes are 17’ tall), make sure you can easily convey mon.
the information to your characters. It might be a good idea to provide a handout Once you know your theme, you can
listing important facts about the setting. add in things that help underscore it. For
Character Concepts: Don’t worry too much about motivations, backgrounds, and example, if your theme is “Be careful
other lofty ideas when creating characters for con games. A simple concept that what you wish for,” let the nerdy PC use
fits the game world is all you really need. After all, most of these people just want
his Love Ray on the head cheerleader.
to roll dice anyway, and you’re not getting paid to teach them about the finer
Then show him what a bitch she is. To add
aspects of gaming.You’ll probably also want to establish that all the characters
thematic complexity to the story, you can
already know one another, since you’re running on a tight schedule and don’t
add an element of moral ambiguity. Just
as characters are more interesting when
have time for all that “getting to know you” crap.
they’re flawed, stories become more inter-
Character Words and Numbers: Despite the simplicity of the QAGS system,Yum
esting when the protagonists are faced
Yum-based character creation can be a little time consuming. One way to over-
with problems to which there are no easy
come this problem is to simply create the PCs in advance. If you’d prefer to give
and obvious solutions.
the players some control over their characters, however, we suggest using the Qik
If you don’t have any ideas for a theme,
Start Character Creation rules in Appendix 60. As the players create their charac-
don’t worry. You can always fall back on
ters, be on the lookout for disruptive Jobs, Gimmicks, and Skills such as “Mad
“good vs. evil.” If a theme becomes obvi-
Bomber,”“Make Things Explode Though Sheer Force of Will,” and “Demolitions.”
ous as the story unfolds, run with it. If
Themes: For convention games, it’s best to stick with simple, universal themes.
not, that’s okay, too. A story can be enter-
You’re usually not going to properly explore a complex theme in the few hours
taining and exciting even without a lot of
you’ll have to run the game. Besides that, you don’t know the players, so it’s best
subtext.
to avoid themes that might offend or confuse them.
Plot: Because you’ve only got a limited amount of time, you’re going to have to
make sure that your plot is interesting but still relatively simple. Make sure that you Plot
can involve the PCs in the action immediately, either by giving them a “mission” or All right. You’ve got a genre, a setting,
by setting up the opening scene of the game in such a way that they have no some characters, and a theme. To com-
choice but to get involved. Make sure that everything the characters need to plete the story, you need a plot. Without
know to resolve the plot turns up in the story. The players are unfamiliar with the one, this thing you’ve created is no more a
world, so they’re not going to know that wizards always wear purple or that ram- story than that Ewok village diorama you
paging swamp beasts explode when they hear “Purple Rain” unless you tell them. built out of Tinkertoys. As we learned in
PC Death: The great thing about con games is that people don’t get too English class, every story has a beginning
attached to their characters. Therefore, there’s nothing wrong with letting PCs die. (where conflict is introduced), a middle
Usually, you’ll want to let the characters live through most of the game (especially (where the conflict is resolved), and an
for “pay to play” events), but there are two circumstances in which you should end (the aftermath of the conflict). If
have no qualms about killing a PC. The first is when the player has something else you’d like a more detailed plot outline to
to do—for example, if he wants to go to a panel that starts before the game’s work from, take a look at the Hero’s
scheduled to end. The second is when the player’s causing trouble. If he’s ruining Journey appendix.
the game for everyone else, kick his (character’s) ass and get him out of the way. Beginning: Your most important job
After all, you’ll probably never see him again, so who cares if he gets mad? here is figuring out how the PCs find out
about the plot and why they decide to
become involved. The “how” part is usual-
ly easy—the baron asks them to slay the Middle: Just like a stromboli, most of that, think about where the action will
dragon, or the ship they’re traveling on the really good stuff about a story is in the take place and what resources, informa-
gets taken over by terrorists. The “why” middle, so your biggest job is to figure out tion, and other tools are available to the
part is a little more difficult. The charac- what happens after you get the players PCs.
ters will usually have the option of refusing involved but before the story ends. Don’t End: There’s no way to know exactly
to become actively involved in the story, so plot your story by trying to figure out what how the story will end until you’ve actually
you’ll have to find a way to motivate them. the PCs are going to do. Players are played the game. Still, you’ll need a rough
While some characters are motivated by skilled at completely ignoring the obvious idea of the rewards for success and the
the desire to do the right thing, most do course of action in favor of something the consequences of failure. Also, you’ll want
things for more selfish reasons (money, GM never even considered. Instead, think to consider how to make sure that the end
revenge, to get laid). Knowing what makes about what the other characters in the of the story supports your theme. For
the characters tick is key to getting the game—villains, cops, gods, or whatever— example, if your theme is “Crime doesn’t
PCs involved in the story. will do. Develop a rough timeline of pay” and the bad guy manages to escape,
events as they will happen if the charac- you’ll need to tack on an epilogue in which
ters don’t get involved. After you’ve done the PCs hear a news story about the crimi-
nal being captured by police, killed by
his partner, or eaten by wild dogs.
In addition to the main action of the
story, your game may include one or
more subplots. Subplots are stories that
run parallel to the main narrative and
may or may not have a direct effect
upon the primary plot. Subplots are usu-
ally about the things that are going on
in the characters’ personal lives, and
will often be suggested (or even fully
plotted) by the players. John McClane’s
troubled marriage in the Die Hard
movies is a good example of a sub-
plot. Developing subplots is just like
developing the main storyline.
The Campaign
In RPG jargon, a campaign is
an ongoing series of stories that
takes place in the same ficton
and usually involves the same set
of characters. While some cam-
paigns consist of a series of
unrelated stories, most of the
time each new story builds on
the previous ones to create an
overarching plot. Campaigns
allow for game worlds, charac-
ters, plots, and themes with a
great degree of depth and complexity,
and can be very rewarding for the GM
and the players. Creating a campaign is
just like creating a story, only there’s a
lot more work involved. Some of the
most important aspects of a good cam-
paign are described below.
A good campaign has a beginning,
a middle, and an END. Even if all of
the individual stories are completely
unrelated, your campaign is a story.
GARY BEDELL
While it’s hard to avoid giving this story

a beginning and a middle, a lot of peo-
ple have trouble with the end, leading
to a campaign that keeps lumbering align again just because the heroes didn’t who the characters met three months ago
along until everyone loses interest. When show up for the party. when they infiltrated that dinner party at
you and the players start growing tired of A good campaign has consistency. the governor’s mansion.
the campaign, or when it comes to its While a lot of things in your game world A good campaign is detailed.
natural conclusion, end it. A campaign should change, there are some things that Ultimately, it’s the details that make a
that ends on a high note will leave better shouldn’t—the names and personalities campaign come to life. The details that
memories than one that jumps the shark of supporting characters, for example. By really make the world seem real are often
and dies of attrition. making sure that you don’t change estab- little things that have absolutely no
A good campaign is dynamic. Things lished facts about the world, you help the impact on the story. For example, the fact
change. It’s a fact of life. Your game world players suspend their disbelief. It might that the PCs’ office is located right next
will seem more real if you can make the be helpful for you or one of the players to to a Chinese restaurant, or that the char-
players feel like the world does not keep a journal of what happens during acters’ politician ally is campaigning for
revolve around the actions of their char- each game session. If a player’s taking the Middle Dakota to be recognized as the
acters. Mark the passage of time in the notes, have him write the entries in char- 51st state. Don’t feel compelled to intro-
game by commenting on things like acter for extra fun (and bonus Yum duce, or even come up with, all the details
changing seasons, new fads, changes in Yums). at once—you’ll just burn yourself out and
the political climate, or metal fatigue. A good campaign has continuity. Even overwhelm the players. Instead, casually
Give the supporting characters lives of if the stories in your campaign don’t build introduce new details as you think of
their own by letting the characters find upon one another to form a larger plot, them. For example, as the PCs walk
out that their commanding officer’s moth- things that happen in a story may very towards their office, say something like
er died, or that the heroin junkie they get well impact a later story. If the player “When you pass China King, you notice
information from is going into rehab. finds a magical sword or loses an arm in Mr. Chan turning on the ‘Open’ sign. Must
Most importantly, don’t radically alter an one story, he should still be up one sword be 11 o’clock.” This throwaway sentence
antagonist’s plans just to fit what the or down one arm when the next story not only provides a wealth of detail (the
characters are doing. If an ancient cult begins. You can create an even greater name of the restaurant and its proprietor,
plans to resurrect some cyclopean god sense of continuity by looking for connec- what time it opens, and the suggestion
and the players don’t do anything to stop tions between the current story and the that Mr. Chan always opens right on
them, let them do it (or have someone ones you’ve already played. For example, time), it does it in a way that implies the
else stop them). The cult’s not going to if your adventure is about the kidnapping characters have always known these
wait another 600 years for the stars to of a billionaire industrialist, use the one things.
ON
KIRS
DALE ERT WIL
CH
FREN
B
& RO

CHAPTER EIGHT the fine art of GMing
S o you know how to work the rules, how

to help with character creation, how to
make your own game world and tell a story
your PCs are dropping like flies and failing
at everything they attempt, you need to
tone things down.
street fight at the beginning of the first
adventure. A death should generally be
either dramatically appropriate or the
and all that. Could there possibly be more result of a genuinely dumb action on the
to GMing? Of course there is! GMing is an player’s part. Sometimes a death will seem
art, which means there are certain myste- PC Death inappropriate and you may choose to
rious and mystical aspects that resist easy Okay, so you’ve toned things down but ignore the dice and keep the PC alive. If,
explanation. As with anything else you’ll the PCs have just screwed up terribly. This however, the player has attempted some-
need to practice to get the hang of it. Still, means you’re stuck with the sticky ques- thing really dangerous, has run out of Yum
we’ll try to give you pointers on some of the tion of whether or not to kill them. “I don’t Yums, and has failed every die roll, it may
more difficult aspects—creating the right have to decide anything!” you say. “The be time to let nature take its course.
mood and tone, dealing with problem play- rules will handle that sort of decision!” Which leads to the ethical dilemma—
ers, maintaining game balance, all that. If Sorry to break this to you, but the rules how can you intervene to save them at
you’re lucky, we’ll even tell you about the won’t run themselves. You’re the one in some times and not at others? How can
Single Most Important Aspect of charge. You have to make the life and God be all-powerful and all-benevolent
Gamemastering. death decisions. when there is still evil and suffering in the
As a general rule of thumb, characters world? How the fuck should we know? Go
shouldn’t die just because the player got ask a priest or something. The important
Game Balance unlucky. A PC shouldn’t die in a random thing is to give the players plenty of Yum
As GM, it is your duty to maintain game Yums so that they’ll keep them-
balance. This means you must make sure selves alive and you won’t
the game does not become wildly unfair. If have to worry about it.
a character has a powerful Gimmick, you
should bring his Weakness into play fre-
quently, to prevent his Gimmick from over-
shadowing the other characters’ abilities.
Ultimately not every character will be
equally important—some people will
be more outspoken than others, and
some will rack up more Yum
Yums—but everyone should
have a chance to participate in
the game. Make sure that some
part of the adventure is cus-
tomized to each character’s spe-
cific strength. If one of your
characters is a cat burglar,
include a building that the PCs
need to break into. If one of
your characters is a Fightin’
Rabbi, you should give him
MARK KIDWELL, WEREWOLF ENTHUSIAST
some Nazis to fight.8

Game balance also applies to
the threats you put the PCs up
against. Match the difficulty of
the adventure to the power level of the
characters. An adventure should be chal-
lenging but not impossible. Even if it is a
desperate, apocalyptic situation, the PCs
should have at least the hope of success. If
8
Hell, you should always include some Nazis to fight.
Everyone likes to kill Nazis, even God—check out the
end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, if you don’t believe us.

Tone
The amount of PC death in your game
will partially be determined by your
game’s tone and mood. Tone is the atti-
tude that you and the players adopt
toward the game. For instance, you need
to decide if you want your game to be
serious or humorous. A serious game is
likely to have a higher PC mortality rate
than a silly one.
You’ll want the general tone of your
game to stay consistent, but don’t be
afraid to mix it up every now and then. A
serious game needs to have occasional
moments of humor and vice versa. As you
may have guessed, we’re big fans of
games that have humor in them. That
doesn’t mean that we only like funny
games—once you’re able to say “Yum
Yums” with a straight face, QAGS works
just as well with serious games. The
important thing is that you and the play-
ers agree on what the general tone
should be.
Mood
Mood is the atmosphere you create in
your game world. It’s up to you to com-
municate the appropriate mood to the
players. As A Dictionary of Literary
Terms9 points out, “An atmosphere of
childlike simplicity, for example, or of
mystery, may be set up, partly by the
objects described and partly by the style
of the description.” This doesn’t mean
that you should spend a great deal of
time describing every aspect of the set-
ting during the game. A few telling
details should do the trick.
Really, though, we don’t think we can
put it better than our old friend Ryan
Trimble, who once wrote, “Mood is very
important to a game. The gaming atmos-
phere can tell the players what kind of
an adventure to expect. A dimly-lit room
with candles and Gregorian chants sug-
gests an adventure filled with mystery
and horror. In addition to lighting and
music, props can be used to suggest
MARK KIDWELL
mood. For example, if you want to com-

municate the gigantic, horrific majesty
of the atomic monster, show the players
your penis. This should give them the
proper mixture of fear and awe.”
9
We have the 1960 edition, which is by Sylvan
Barnet, Morton Berman, and William Burto.
Highly recommended for all fans of literary terms.

Difficult Players certain GMCs. You may choose to keep
the line between PC and GMC hazy, and
GUFT and RAAD
The kid who’s only ever played video let players take turns controlling different Most role-playing takes place sitting
games and just wants to shoot things. The characters as necessary. If the players around a table. This is because people
mad bomber. The engineer who insists enjoy this, you may decide to set aside a laugh at you when you wear your costume
that the evil overlord’s stronghold could- whole session devoted to the group’s sup- in public. So we sit around, munch fatty
n’t possibly support itself. And, of course, porting cast. snack foods, roll dice, and play our games
the brooding loner who refuses to go Chronological Disordering: The events on the sweeping vistas of the imagination.
along with the rest of the group. What do of a game session take place in a certain Sometimes, though, sitting there talking
these have in common? They’re all diffi- order from the characters’ point of view, won’t properly convey a scene. Sometimes
cult players. It doesn’t matter who you are but you don’t necessarily have to play them you’ll feel the urge to act something out.
or where you play, there are always diffi- in that order. Maybe you can use a frame In this case, it’s time for GUFT, or Getting
cult players. If you’re running a one-shot narrative, which begins with the PCs hav- Up From the Table. Encourage your play-
game for people you don’t know, on aver- ing just saved the day and then talking ers to stand up and join you. Position
age 25% of your players will be difficult. In about what happened. You’ll need to keep yourselves around the room. GUFT works
this instance it’s usually best to grit your things flexible, though, and make sure not best for dramatic scenes that involve talk-
teeth and move on. The game will be over to force the players down one rigid path. ing. In general you’ll want to stay away
soon anyway. Ditch the Dice: Dice are a tool used to from acting out fight scenes.
Things are different when you’re run- help figure out what happens in your game, Sometimes GUFT gaming leads into
ning an ongoing game. If a player is just but after a while you may get tired of using RAAD, or Running Around Acting Dumb.
annoying, that’s one thing. Hope he gets them. You can substitute another random- This is a truly rewarding form of role-play-
better. If he’s disrupting the game and izing tool, such as a tossed coin or tarot ing, one that draws heavily from the
ruining everybody’s good time, then that’s cards, or try for an entirely Yum Yum- make-believe games that inspired RPGs,
a problem and you have to do something. based game. but it may not always be appropriate.
Don’t argue in the middle of a game ses- Different PC Groups: You can expand RAAD works best in games with a light-
sion. Talk to the player afterwards and the scope of your game by creating multi- hearted tone. Whatever the case, RAAD
explain what the problem is. Get his side ple PC groups that inhabit the same fic- should be saved for special occasions.
of the story—maybe he feels like he’s ton. Alternate between groups as you see Once it becomes routine, it isn’t nearly so
being treated unfairly. Maybe he just fit. Any number of PC groups can be cre- much fun.
wants a chance to shoot more things. Try ated, though after a certain point it
to compromise and address the player’s becomes impossible to keep track of
concerns in the game. Introduce some of what’s going on. The Single Most Important
the things he likes. At the same time,
encourage him to play well with others.
Split up GMing Duties: You’re not get-
ting paid for this, so why not get someone
Aspect of Gamemastering
Reward him when he does well. Have to share your workload? You can try rotat- The single most important aspect of
patience. If all else has failed, and the ing who gets to be GM, or recruiting assis- Gamemastering is the ability to impro-
player continues to disrupt your game, tant GMs. If you have vise. Sadly, this ability cannot be taught.
suggest that maybe he should find anoth- multiple PC groups, a
er game. different person can Good Luck!
take charge of each
one. And if you’re
Advanced GMing really feeling adven-
Techniques turous, you can try a
game in which there
Once you’ve got a pretty good idea what is no set GM.
you’re doing, you may be ready to tackle The Physical
N
MA
some advanced GMing techniques. Keep Setting: Alter your

RK
in mind that these sorts of things can be surroundings to cre-

KI
RT
hard work. Also keep in mind that it’s ate an appropriate

BE
RO
hard work that won’t earn you a dime. mood in the game.
The best you can hope for is the respect of Music can be used to
your players, and even that’s hard to come manipulate people’s
by. Still, if you’re a true GM you don’t care emotions, and so can
about the money or the respect—you’re different types of
in it because it’s become a dangerous lighting. Be careful
obsession. Here are some advanced tech- not to overdo the
niques to make your life more complicat- music and the weird
ed. lights—you don’t
Sharing GMCs: As we mentioned earli- want to give anybody
er, you can let the players take control of a headache.
APPENDIX ONE Big Lists of Words
BIG LISTS OF WORDS Babe/Stud, Blessed, Born Leader, Citizen

of the World, Clue Magnet, Contacts,
Hazard, Overconfidence, Priapism,
Psychological Problems, Punching Bag,
There is no exhaustive list of Words Diplomatic Immunity, Dowser, Duct Tape & Quite Mad, Redneck, Red Tape, Requires
available to QAGS characters. Any Job, Chicken Wire, Eagle Eyes, Empathy, Medication, Shitty Aim, Social Stigma
Gimmick, Weakness, or Skill the players Everybody’s Buddy, Face Jr., Famous, Fly, (“The fat kid from Stand By Me”), Strange
come up with is fair game as long as it fits Friends in High Places, Green Thumb, Vehicle Magnet, Too Stupid To Live,
the game world. Still, we know that many God’s Little Buddy, Grizzled Veteran, Hard Trekkie, Trick Knee, Ugly as Sin,
gamers are incapable of independent Boiled, Hide in Plain Sight, High Tech Toys, Uneducated, Unlucky, Vampire (classical),
thought. Therefore, we’ve included the fol- Intuition, Iron Will, Invisibility, Jinn, Vampire (contemporary), Victim of the
lowing lists of Words that proved popular in Jukebox Hero, Jumping Powers, Kind Ear, Past, Weakling, Wicked Step-Mother,
playtesting. King of England, King of the Road, Wrong Hunch, Xenophobic, Yellow, Yokel,
Lifetime of Experience, Lightning Zonked
Reflexes, Lucky, Master of Research,
Jobs
Medium, Mr. Fix-It, National Treasure,
Skills
Accountant, Anson Williams Nerves of Steel, Nigh-Invulnerable, Occult
Impersonator, Art Fag, Big Man On Powers, Omniscient, Oracle, Phenomenal 1-Hour Photo Developing, 4-H, 18th
Campus, Bisexual Gunslinger, Burglar, Cosmic Power, Pinball Wizard, Prepared, Century Literature, Aerobics, Alchemy, Arc
Cartoon Monkey, Cheesemaker, Cop, Quail Control, Queen of England, Quick as Welding, Autograph Collecting, Brawling,
Dancing Outlaw, Dickensian Street Waif, a Cat, Ragtag Band of Followers, “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer” Lore, Bukkake,
Dry Cleaner, Eccentric Recluse, Regeneration, Rich, Shapeshifter, Strong Chainsaw Fighting, Cheerleading, Chess,
Endocrinologist, Exorcist, Fisherman, as an Ox, Super Speed, Telekinetic, Thug, Climbing, Ditch Digging, Drag Queen,
Fortune Teller, French Maid, Gentleman True Love, Uncanny Ability to Control Driving, Eavesdropping, Elephant Riding,
Adventurer, Goat Herder, Gonzo Journalist, Shopping Carts, Unerring Sense of Embroidery, Feminism, Fiddle Player,
Hacker, Hard-Boiled Detective, Direction, Unshakable Courage, Vampire Fisticuffs, Gaelic, Good with Tools, Gun
Horticulturist, Innkeeper, International (classical), Vampire (contemporary), Repair, Haberdashery, Hairdresser, Hockey
Man of Mystery, Investment Banker, Virile, Weird Science, Well-Read, Wisdom Trivia, Impromptu Speaking, Insurance
Janitor, Jesuit Priest, Jewish American of Solomon, X-Ray Vision, Youthful, Zen Fraud, Investigation, Jet-Setting, Joke
Princess, King of Siam, Knight of the Master Telling, Jungle Survival, Kangaroos,
Round Table, Kung Fu Master, Landscaper, Kickboxing, Kite Flying, Lacrosse,
Lawyer, Lumberjack, Marine, Matador, Largemouth Bass Fishing, Lip Reading,
Weaknesses
Musketeer, Necromancer, Night Watchman, Macaroni Art, Military History,
Nurse, Occultist, Optometrist, Outcast, (Blank) Magnet, Absent-minded, Moonshining, Napoleonic Miniatures
Pimp, Pirate, Pope, Quantum Physicist, Achilles Heel, Addiction, Bad Information, Gaming, Negotiating, Newspaper Delivery,
Quartermaster, Queen, Ranger, Robot Bad Reputation, Big Dork, Clumsy, Code of Opera, Organ Grinder, Outdoorsman,
Butler, Runaway With a Heart of Gold, Serf, Honor, Coward, Delusional, Dirt Poor, Parrothead, Pet Owner, Ping Pong, Quaker
Spy, Star-Crossed Lover, Tabloid Reporter, Dumb as a Rock, Easily Fooled, Enemy, Religion, Quarterback, Quarterstaff,
Teddy Bear, Troubled Teen, Umpire, Union Exiled, Famous, Flashbacks, Fragile, Redneck, Register Jockey, Richard Hatch
Soldier, Urologist, Valkyrie, Vaudevillian, Getting Too Old for This Shit, GM Hates Fan Club Member, Slam Dancing, Snappy
Vigilante, Wacky Neighbor, Warlock, You, Good Samaritan, Handicapped, Dresser, Swordplay, Talk Like A Gangster,
Woodcutter, X-Ray Technician, Yak Haunted, Heart of Gold, Inbred, Tiromancy, TV Theme Songs, Unarmed
Farmer, Zookeeper Incontinent, Indentured, Jinx, Junkie, Kid, Combat, Underhanded Tricks, Unicycling,
Kleptomaniac, Kryptonite, Learning Vandalism, Veteran, Video Games, Whale
Disability, Lecherous, Longhair, Masochist, Watching, Weightlifting, Wicca,
G immicks
Megalomaniac, Migraines, Nauseating Xylophonist, Yachting, Yes-Man, Yoga, Zany
(Blank) Slayer, Alien Powers, Always Body Odor, Nervous Condition, Comedy Stylings, Zodiac Killer Buff,
Find a Parking Space, Animal Empathy, Nymphomania, Obligations, Occupational Zombie Movies

APPENDIX TWO Qik Start Rules
QAGS is always quick, but sometimes tonight’s session. Sparky decides to play a When all’s said and done, the character
you need character creation rules that are private detective who’s also on the trail of looks like this:
so quick they’re almost immediate. That’s the evil clown cult. His Gimmick is “Multi-
when you break out the Qik Start rules. Lingual” and his Weakness is “Alcoholic.”
Here’s how to come up with character 1) Sparky rolls a d20 and gets a 14. Frederico Ferdinelli
stats fast: After dividing the roll by 2 and adding 6,
1) Roll a d20 and divide the roll by 2. he ends up with a Number of 13. Body: ..........................................................13
Then add 6 to the result. 2) He repeats the process four more Brain: ........................................................11
2) Repeat 4 more times (for a total of 5 times, and ends up with the following Nerve: ........................................................15
Numbers). Numbers: 13, 15, 14, 10, and 11. Job: ..........................Private Detective (14)
3) Assign the Numbers to Body, Brain, 3) Jimmy assigns the Numbers as fol-
Nerve, Job, and Gimmick. lows: Body 13; Brain 11; Nerve 15; Job 14; Gimmick: ......................Multi-Lingual (10)
4) Your Weakness Number is equal to Gimmick 10. Weakness: ............................Alcoholic (10)
your Gimmick Number. 4) That means his Weakness Number is Skills: ...................................... Disguise +3;
5) Choose three skills. Give one of them 10 (the same as his Gimmick Number) Interpretive Dance +2;
a +3 Skill Bonus, one a +2, and one a +1. 5) Since the character’s Body is 13, he
6) Health Points are equal to your Body has 13 Health Points. Clown Cult Trivia +1
Number. 6) Next, Sparky chooses three skills: HP ..............................................................13
7) Roll a d20 once more and divide the Clown Cult Trivia, Disguise, and YY: ................................................................3
roll by 5. That’s how many Yum Yum’s Interpretive Dance. He gives Disguise +3, WWPHITM? ......................Benicio del Toro
you’ve got. Interpretive Dance +2, and Clown Cult
Tag Line:..........“These clowns are the very
Example: Jimmy gets his ass kicked Trivia +1.
again, leaving Sparky without a character. 7) Finally, Sparky rolls for Yum Yums. picture of vulgarity.”
Jesse tells him to use the Qik Start rules He gets a 15, which means he starts the
to make up a temporary character for game with 3 Yum Yums. Likes to drink: ........................Fuzzy Navels
APPENDIX THREE Qik Start Genre Guides

So you read QAGS, you love QAGS, and conventions and subgenres, and popular jump-start your game. The only way we
you want to get started right damn now… archetypes, Gimmicks, and Weaknesses. could be more helpful would be if we
but you don’t know what to play. Don’t Plus we’ve thrown in a sample campaign, drove over to your house and ran your
worry. We’ve put together a run-down of with adventure ideas and setting rules, for game for you.
ten popular RPG genres. Each genre each one. Flip through the following
guide includes an overview, lists of genre pages and you’ll find tons of ideas to

ACTION
The Action genre is all about excitement. Death-defying stunts, edge-of-your-seat suspense, and narrow escapes are all hallmarks of
the Action genre. Action scenes can be found in almost every genre of fiction, but true Action stories put excitement above all else,
promising viewers (or readers) the well-known “non-stop thrill ride.”
Action Stuff: Explosions, Running Gun Battles, Narrow Escapes, Cops & Robbers, Martial Arts, Hostage Situations, Bruce Willis, Car
Chases, Jewel Heists, Brutal Ass-Kickings, John Woo, Bombs, Jailbreaks, Bank Robberies, Daring Rescues
Action Subgenres: Cops & Robbers (Lethal Weapon), Heist (Reservoir Dogs), Spy (James Bond), Special Ops (Delta Force), Action
Musical (The Blues Brothers),Gangster (Goodfellas), High-Flying Action (Iron Eagle), Kung-Fu (anything with Jackie Chan),
Exploitation (Shaft), Techno-Thriller (Patriot Games), Adventure (Indiana Jones), War (Missing in Action)
The majority of ESCRT agents are not typ- brought along just in case they succeed.
Sample Special Ops ical humans. Most have some form of
metahuman ability or power useful in
• Eightball agents believe that the
murderer they’ve been tracking may be a
Campaign: Eightball combat situations. ESCRT’s primary func- powerful demon. ESCRT agents are sent
tion is similar to that of a swat team, but to assist in the arrest.
Special Crises Response occasionally ESCRT agents are assigned • Dr. Mecha is attacking Des Moines.
to accompany regular Eightball teams ESCRT is sent to help capture him.
Team who expect that they’ll need the extra
Setting: Modern Day United States muscle.
ESCRT Rules
Campaign Set-Up: Project Eightball is
the FBI’s top-secret task force for dealing • ESCRT agents can have superpowers.
Adventure Ideas
with supernatural and paranormal situa- • The U.S. government is not as picky
tions. While all Eightball agents receive • A superhuman criminal known as about who it works with as M-Force.
extra combat training, even the best G- Captain AC/DC with lightning powers has Monsters, aliens, and the like are possi-
Man is going to have trouble bringing in taken hostages. ESCRT is called in to ble, as long as they can curb their desire
an eight-hundred-pound talking gorilla. handle the situation. to kill innocent civilians, eat human flesh,
The Eightball Special Crises Response • A group of Eightball agents have and engage in other illegal activities.
Team (commonly referred to as “Escort”) tracked a pack of werewolves to their • Once a GMC has a name, he becomes
is called in whenever Eightballers find wilderness compound. ESCRT is called in much harder to kill.
themselves in over their heads. to eliminate them. • The civilian/military authorities
ESCRT agents are specially trained in • Eightball agents discover that a involved always have a plan. This plan
capturing (or killing, when appropriate) group of heavily-armed cultists are plan- almost always fails and results in a high
unusually tough and powerful criminals ning to summon ARARARARAR, God of body count.
with a minimum of collateral damage. FIRE and EVIL! ESCRT agents are • Action movie physics apply.
• ESCRT has access to mind-boggling
powerful experimental technology. So do
many of the bad guys.
• If ESCRT is being called to handle a
situation, there WILL be massive property
damage.
ACTION CHARACTERS
How to Be an Action Hero: “What
Archetypes would Joe do if he were here?… He’d
Hero: The Tough Cop (John McClane) shoot everybody and smoke some ciga-
Mentor: The Partner (Roger Murtaugh) rettes.” – Jimmy Dix, The Last Boy Scout
Herald: The [Insert Noun] In Trouble (Kip Raines)
Threshold Guardian: Nameless Mooks (Mobsters)
Shapeshifter: The Mysterious Babe (Jinx)
Trickster: The Sidekick (Short Round)
Shadow: The Criminal Mastermind (Dr. Evil)
Popular Action Gimmicks: Unlimited Ammo, Powerful Kung Fu, Stunt Driving,
Crack Shot, Tough As Nails, Cool Toys, Bad Mother F—Shut Yo’ Mouth, Contacts
Popular Action Weaknesses: Enemy, Hunted, Overconfidence, Flashbacks,
Alcoholic, Wrong Place at the Wrong Time, Vendetta

CINEMA VERITE
“Cinema Verite” stories are about “normal” people in “everyday” situations. That’s not really the correct definition, but, since it’s
French, we’re unlikely to get our asses kicked for taking a few liberties. In addition to stories about regular people, Cinema Verite can
also include “behind the scenes” type stories that focus on the everyday lives of bizarre characters. Basically, the focus of this kind of
story is the stuff that would happen during “down time” in most RPGs—the manhunts, dungeon crawls, and top secret missions usually
happen off-screen.
Cinema Verite Subgenres: Sitcom (“Three’s Company”), Soap Opera (“Dallas”), Road Movie (National Lampoon’s Vacation), College
(Animal House), Teen (But I’m A Cheerleader), Romance (all that Danielle Steele crap), Medical (M*A*S*H), Romantic Comedy
(Chasing Amy), Dark Comedy (Heathers), Porn (Romancing the Bone), Legal (“L.A. Law”), Political (Bob Roberts), Prison (The
Shawshank Redemption), Sports (Bring It On), Business (Wall Street), Show Business (The Player), After School Special (“Stoned”)
Cinema Verite Stuff: Wacky Neighbors, Forbidden Love, Special Guest Stars, Dating, Jumping the Shark, Continuing Sagas, Very
Special Episodes, Sight Gags, Alcoholism, Ted McGinley, Vendettas, Girls Next Door, Product Placement, Wacky Misunderstandings,
Overcoming Enormous Odds, Ridiculous Plot Twists
same time. reveal his identity. If it’s found out any

Sample Sitcom: • The characters are invited to a cos- other way, the character finding the infor-
tume party. mation will find evidence to the contrary,
Dude, Where’s My Cape? • One (or more) of the characters is be hit with Dr. Amnesia’s 4-Get Ray, etc.
arrested because of a wacky misunder- • Whenever a character has a date, his
Setting: New York City, Modern Day standing. arch-nemesis WILL attack the city. If the
Campaign Set-Up: The characters in • One of the characters misunder- character is a super villain, a hero will
this campaign are a group of college stu- stands something he overhears. attack his secret lair.
dents who share a large house off-cam- • One (or more) of the characters gets • As long as you act appropriately
pus. All of them have super-powers, and a part in a school play. incompetent, no one will ever suspect
they spend their spare time as costumed • It’s somebody’s birthday, and the your super-hero/villain identity.
heroes and villains. Each of them thinks other characters organize a surprise • There are an amazing number of
that he is cleverly hiding his secret life. party. super-heros and villains in New York. Any
In reality, everybody’s so busy cleverly supporting character with a name could
hiding their secret lives, they don’t have easily be a super-hero/villain.
Dude, Where’s My Cape? Rules:
time to notice the secret lives that the • The house is completely mundane—
others are cleverly hiding. • At least one of the characters should it does not contain hidden
be a super-villain. passages/rooms, secret lairs, crime caves,
• No character can know about anoth- or laboratories of any kind.
Adventure Ideas:
er’s secret identity unless the “outed” • If any of the characters has a secret
• A character has two dates at the character specifically chooses to lair, he has a wacky neighbor (no matter
how unlikely). If the secret lair is in the
frozen wastes of Antarctica, wacky hyper-
intelligent penguins are acceptable.
CINEMA VERITE CHARACTERS Required Viewing: Everything by Kevin

Smith
Archetypes
Hero: The Regular Guy (Al Bundy)
Mentor: The Wise Neighbor (Wilson Wilson, Jr.)
Herald: The Ill-Tempered Principal (Dean Vernon Wormer)
Threshold Guardian: The Nosy Landlord (Mr. Roper)
Shapeshifter: The Love Interest (Alyssa Jones)
Trickster: The Wacky Neighbor (Cosmo Kramer)
Shadow: The Bully (Larry Kubiak)
Popular Cinema Verite Gimmicks: Live Far Beyond Means, Resistant To Injury,
Empathy, Famous, Always Find a Parking Space, Everybody’s Buddy, Lucky, Prepared,
Virile, Wisdom of Solomon, Fortress of Solitude (The Nudie Bar)
Popular Cinema Verite Weaknesses: Enemy, Addiction, Bad Reputation, Amnesia,
Dumb, Clumsy, Jinx, Kid, Victim of the Past, Moronic Allies, Obligations, Social Stigma,
Embarrassing Relatives

FANTASY
The Fantasy genre is characterized by impossible (or at least highly improbable) settings, characters, and stories. While most of the
other genres mentioned here have an element of fantasy, stories are distinguished as belonging to the Fantasy genre by the sheer scope
and number of fanciful elements present. Fantasy stories often include mythic or fairy tale elements—prophecies, dragons, and talking
animals, for example. While it’s possible for a Fantasy story to be set in the modern world, most take place either at an unspecified time
in the distant past (“When gods walked the earth… ,” “Once upon a time… ”) or in completely imaginary lands (The Fairy Realm,
Wonderland).
Fantasy Subgenres: Fairy Tale (“Little Red Riding Hood”), Mythical (“The Twelve Labors of Hercules”), Cartoon (“Tiny Toon
Adventures”), Low Fantasy (Thieves’ World), Urban Fantasy (American Gods), Arthurian (Excalibur), Musical Fantasy (Labyrinth),
Elves and Shit (Lord of the Rings)
Fantasy Stuff: Dragons, Magical Artifacts, Damsels in Distress, ACME Rockets, Castles, Fairies, David Bowie, Giants, Trusty Steeds,
Goblins, Prophetic Pigs, Gods, Muppets, Riddles, Labyrinths, Jousting, Thieves and Highwaymen, Shining Armor
slingers, even rock musicians. pawn in their plan to achieve great mysti-
Sample Urban Fantasy By the 21st century, the Powers That cal power. Their understanding of the
Be announced the metaphysical equiva- nature of magic is misguided at best.
Campaign: Gods for Hire lent of downsizing. Forgotten gods and • The characters attempt to regain
heroes were to be let go. Those that popularity and restore themselves to their
Setting: Modern-Day America stayed would be combined into proper place in the collective uncon-
Campaign Set-Up: In the old days, it “Archetypal Godheads.” The Archetypal scious.
was good to be a god. The world’s popula- Godhead is sort of a divine time share • The characters search for one of their
tion was low, which meant that there was deal loosely based on Christianity’s Holy old allies.
plenty of room in the collective uncon- Trinity. Rather than hang around as a bit • The characters become involved in an
scious for everyone. If you were a god, you player in a Hollywood theme park version adventure with uncanny similarities to
never had to worry that your favored fol- of your old self, you decided to pack your their traditional myths.
lower or bastard son would be forgotten bags and head for earth. • The characters attempt to gather an
by future generations. All you had to do army of fallen gods to storm the collective
was ask management for a little extra unconscious.
Adventure Ideas:
mind space and he could set up shop for • Gods from another pantheon declare
himself. As the earth’s population grew, • The characters attempt to adjust to war on the characters.
however, things started to get a little everyday life.
crowded. Eventually, you and your fellow • A group of college students who dab-
G ods for Hire Rules
gods were forced to yield territory to ble in the occult manage to entrap one of
knights in shining armor, outlaw gun- the characters. They plan to use him as a • A god can’t go against his basic
nature.
• Prophecies, omens, and portents
regarding the gods also apply to their
human form. For example, Balder can
only be killed by mistletoe.
• Fallen gods still have many of their
FANTASY CHARACTERS traditional powers, but in weakened form.
• A god’s power depends on the num-
Fantasy Archetypes ber of followers he has. These people do
Hero: The Brave Warrior/Wizard/Little Girl (Hawk the Slayer/Harry not have to worship the god in a tradition-
Potter/Dorothy) al sense. As long as they trust, respect, or
Mentor: The Wise Old Wizard (Gandalf) idolize the god, he’ll be able to leech
Herald: The Omen (The Sword in the Stone) some power from them. (This is why a
Threshold Guardian: The Gatekeeper (Fluffy) number of gods have sought work in the
Shapeshifter: The Literal Shapeshifter (The Frog Prince) entertainment industry).
Trickster: The Trouble-Causing Fairy (Puck)
Shadow: The Would-Be Conqueror (Marvin the Martian)
Popular Fantasy Gimmicks: Band of Followers, Cool Toy, Warp Reality, Favored Fun Fact: Poseidon is a huge fan of
by the Gods, Good at Riddles, Pure of Heart, Super Strength, True Love Jimmy Buffett.
Popular Fantasy Weaknesses: Achilles’ Heel, Code of Honor, Cursed,
Disgraced, Enemy, Hubris, Physically Weak

HISTORICAL
The Historical genre includes any story set in the past, whether it is in ancient times or the 1960’s. This genre allows us the thrill of
living in another era without having to worry about the disease, stench, and misery that characterize most of history. Historical stories
also allow the use of a wide variety of colorful costumes, exotic settings, and archaic weapons.
Historical Subgenres: American Revolution (The Patriot), Civil War (Glory), Elizabethan (Elizabeth), French Revolution (A Tale of
Two Cities), High Seas (Captain Blood), Medieval (The Name of the Rose), Fake Medieval (That Dumb Jousting Movie with the Kid
from The Patriot), New Testament (Last Temptation of Christ), Roman Empire (Spartacus), Samurai (Seven Samurai), Victorian
(From Hell), World War Two (Kelly’s Heroes)
Historical Stuff: Age of Exploration, Buckled Shoes, Candles, Cannons, Cathedrals, Cavemen, Chamber Pots, the Church,
Cobblestone Streets, Colonization, Costumes, Epic Scale, the Enlightenment, Exploration, Farthingales, Great Wall of China, the
Inquisition, Jack the Ripper, Kings, Knights, Manifest Destiny, Mud, Muskets, Opera, Peasants, Pirates, Plague, Printing Press, Puffy
Shirts, Pyramids, Queens, Rats, the Renaissance, Scurvy, Silly Hats, Slavery, Soldiers, Swords, Syphilis, Wars, Wigs
Sample High Seas good weather, the sailors may actually Santa Lucinda Rules
make it there alive.
Campaign: Santa Lucinda • There’s always a crusty old sailor who
knows everything.
Adventure Ideas:
Setting: The High Seas, 1570 • Rum goes down better if you sing a
Campaign Set-Up: Even though Sir • The ship runs into a gale that threat- song about drinking it.
Francis Drake and his men attack other ens to tear it apart. • Not paying attention to the sea will
ships and take their treasure, they are not • Spanish pirates try to recover the get you killed.
pirates. No, they are doing their part to Santa Lucinda’s gold. • There’s always a traitor among the
serve the glory of England by attacking • Most of the sailors don’t believe in crew.
Spanish ships. In 1570, somewhere sea serpents. Until they actually see one. • Enemy ships have better range on
between the Bahamas and the Florida • The crew must send a landing party their cannons, but the Santa Lucinda’s
Keys, Drake has just taken command of to a nearby island to find food and fresh cannons do more damage.
the Spanish galleon Santa Lucinda. water. Unbeknownst to them, there is a • Mutineers never come to a good end.
Santa Lucinda is loaded with treasure, Spanish fort on the island. • Carrying multiple guns will insure
treasure that must be sent back to • Years after the crew has brought the that you never run out of ammunition.
England. Drake has handpicked a crew to Santa Lucinda back to England, Sir • The Captain has better aim than any-
sail the ship to Dover. The trip will take Francis Drake recruits them to help him one else on the ship.
about six months across the open ocean, repel the Spanish Armada.
and with some courage, fortitude, and
Nautical Fun Fact: The figurehead of a
ship is often a bare-breasted woman. This
is due to a sailor’s superstition that
claims topless ladies calm stormy seas.
HISTORICAL CHARACTERS
Historical Archetypes
Hero: The Unlikely Champion (Joan of Arc)
Mentor: The Monarch’s Advisor (John Dee)
Herald: The Monarch (Queen Elizabeth)
Threshold Guardian: The Noble Savage (Squanto)
Shapeshifter: The Traitor (Benedict Arnold)
Trickster: The Entertainer (William Shakespeare)
Shadow: The Foreign Ruler (Saladin)
Popular Historical Gimmicks: Born Leader, Brilliant Inventor, God’s Little Buddy,
Has the King/Queen’s Ear, King/Queen, Tactical Genius, Unerring Sense of
Direction, Visionary
Popular Historical Weaknesses: Decadent, Delusions of Grandeur,
Excommunicated, Filthy Peasant, French, Social Stigma, Syphilis, Sworn Duty

HORROR
The Horror genre consists of “scary stories,” but not all of these stories are intended to cause the audience nightmares. In fact, some-
times the only thing separating a Horror story from an Action or Mystery story is the inclusion of “scary” elements like zombies or giant
monsters. In addition to shocking or frightening imagery and supernatural elements, most Horror stories have very high stakes.
Sometimes, this is simply the life of the hero, but usually the consequences of failure are worse than death. Insanity, the end of the
world, and the hero becoming a monster himself are common examples.
Horror Subgenres: Haunted House Story (The Amityville Horror), Supernatural Thriller (Dead Again), Gothic (Frankenstein),
Cosmic Horror (“The Call of Cthulhu”), Ghost Story (“The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”), Monster (The Howling), Surrealist Italian
Zombie Movies (Cemetery Man), Slasher (Jack the Ripper), Atomic Horror (Them!), Techno-Horror (Killdozer), Psychological Horror
(“The Tell-Tale Heart”), Monster Hunter (Ghostbusters), Freaky David Lynch Stuff (Mulholland Drive), Horror Musical (The Wicker
Man)
Horror Stuff: Monsters, Haunted Houses, Cult Activity, Ouija Boards, Wooden Stakes, Golems, Sex, Chainsaws, Crucifixes, Gypsy
Fortune Tellers, Silver Bullets, Summer Camps, Demonic Possession, Wes Craven, Alien Invasions, Ancient Artifacts, Blasphemous
Tomes, Weird Science, Christopher Lee
Sample Monster Hunter monsters. Similarly all applicants must go Rampaging Swamp Beast.
through an extensive battery of physical • The PCs’ local office holds a 4th of
Campaign: M-Force tests to insure that they are human and July picnic. As if on cue, monsters attack.
not undercover monsters. • The PCs organize a charity event to
Setting: Modern-Day America Most M-Forcers are part time agents. raise money for their local field office.
Campaign Set-Up: In the early 1950s, They lead completely normal lives and • M-Forcers are turning up dead. Could
Dr. Henry Fields founded M-Force, an orga- work day jobs most of the time, only being the PCs be next?
nization dedicated to fighting monsters in called to active duty when monster activi-
America. Today, M-Force is the world’s pre- ty is suspected in their area. When a mon-
mier monster-hunting organization, with ster is reported, the agent is notified via M-Force Rules
field offices throughout the U.S. M-Force is his M-Force badge, which functions as a • People know that monsters exist.
a private organization headquartered in pager and locator beacon. Once the badge Most people consider monsters to be kind
Caledonia, Massachusetts. Its activities are alert is received, the agent is expected to of like rock stars—there’s no denying
regulated by the federal government’s report to his local field office for further they’re out there, but most people doubt
Bureau of Monster Affairs. instructions. The primary goal of any M- they’ll ever meet one.
M-Force agents come from all walks of Force mission is to protect human life, • Creatures classified as monsters are,
life. There are M-Forcers of every race, sex, which should be above all other con- by definition, hostile to humans. There are
class, religion, gender, nationality, sexual cerns—even killing the monster. no noble vampires or happy-go-lucky zom-
orientation, and political affiliation. M- bies in the world of M-Force. It should be
Force does not discriminate on any of noted, however, that not all supernatural
Adventure Ideas:
these grounds; all they ask is that agents creatures are considered monsters.
be dedicated, fit, and sane. All applicants • Police suspect that a demon may be • M-Force only accepts stable humans
must go through psychological screening behind a series of bizarre murders. M- as agents. Psychopaths, criminals, were-
to weed out those who are too mentally Forcers are called in to investigate. wolves, and multi-dimensional space elves
unstable to carry weapons and hunt • M-Force is called in to stop a need not apply.
• M-Forcers are average citizens. While
they are given a certain amount of leeway
when fighting monsters, they can’t fla-
grantly ignore the law. Likewise, they do
HORROR CHARACTERS not have the authority to call in air strikes,
declare martial law, or act as judge, jury,
Horror Archetypes Loomis) and executioner.
Hero: The Virgin (Laurie Strode) Trickster: The Geeky Sidekick (Xander Harris) • Other weird stuff (psychic powers,
Mentor: The Monster Expert (The Frog Shadow: The Serial Killer (Hannibal Lecter) fallen gods, weird science) also exists in
Brothers) Popular Horror Gimmicks: Clue Magnet, the world of M-Force, though most of it
Herald: The Ghost Story (The “Camp Blood” Duct Tape & Chicken Wire, Hard to Kill, isn’t as widely known and well publicized
story) Innocent, Prepared as the existence of monsters.
Threshold Guardian: The Skeptical Authority Popular Horror Weaknesses: Coward, Crisis • Innocent civilians (especially scrappy
Figure (Lt. Donald Thompson) of Faith, Flashbacks, Haunted, Punching kids) have a knack for ending up in exact-
Shapeshifter: The Prime Suspect (Billy Bag,Victim of the Past, Weak Stomach ly the wrong place at precisely the wrong
time.

MYSTERY
The Mystery focuses on crime, almost always murder, and the process of solving the crime. A classical mystery is like a puzzle, where
all the clues are laid out and the brilliant detective is able to perfectly reconstruct the crime. Since the appearance of the hardboiled
detective story in the 1920’s, however, detectives are no longer always brilliant and the solutions are not always easy. Though there is
always a crime to be solved, some mysteries focus less on the details of the case and more on the detective’s psychological state.
Mystery Subgenres: Classical (Murder on the Orient Express), Hardboiled (The Maltese Falcon), Kid Detectives (Encyclopedia
Brown), Softboiled (“Spenser for Hire”), Suspense (Rear Window), Victorian (Hound of the Baskervilles), Hardboiled Women (Sue
Grafton’s Alphabet series), Cats (The Cat Who… books)
Mystery Stuff: Amateur Detectives, Aristocrats, Booze, Cigarettes, Clues, Conspiracy, Corpses, Criminals, Detectives, Disgruntled
Secretaries, Elaborate Plans, Femmes Fatales, Fingerprints, Forensics, Getting Kicked Off the Force, Guns, Ineffectual Police, Isolated
Mansions, Locked Rooms, Mean Streets, Means, the Mob, Motive, Murder, Old Ladies, Opportunity, Poison, Police Procedure, Sidekicks
Who Are Constantly in Awe of the Detective, Trenchcoats
Sample Hardboiled expected to withhold information from • The detectives are hired to recover
the authorities if necessary. Sometimes an ancient and extremely valuable arti-
Detective Campaign: The they end up on the wrong side; sometimes fact that has been lost for hundreds of
the innocent suffer and the guilty walk years. Of course other people are looking
Herrick Agency away scot free. It’s not easy work, espe- for it too.
cially if you have a conscience, but it’s a • A member of the American
Setting: New York City, 1938 living. Crimefighters’ Association has been mur-
Campaign Set-Up: In the 1920’s a man dered, and all the other members are sus-
named Herrick made a name for himself pects.
Adventure Ideas:
as a private investigator. When he got
some money he founded his own detective • The detectives are hired by a local
agency. Now it’s 1938, and people in the politician to prove that he’s innocent of Herrick Agency Rules:
know turn to the Herrick Agency when charges that have been brought against • The obvious suspect is never the mur-
they need a case handled discreetly. The him. In the course of their investigation derer.
Herrick Agency employs tough men (and they discover that the charges are false, • The local authorities can’t be trusted.
occasionally a feisty dame or two) who but the politician is guilty of a much • Beautiful women can’t be trusted.
are willing to do what it takes to solve the greater crime. Do they stay loyal to their • The only thing a man can count on is
mystery at hand. Though this does often client, or expose him and risk their jobs? his own code of honor, and even that can
require a keen mind, it also involves a • A radio executive has been murdered be compromised.
great deal of time asking questions in the and, for reasons the station executives • Honest people never prosper.
bad parts of town. Above all else, Herrick don’t understand, he has green blood. The • When an informed consideration of
detectives are ordered to be discreet and executive is an undercover Martian, and the clues at hand isn’t working out, you
respect their clients’ confidentiality. his death might spark an interplanetary can always turn to violence.
This means that sometimes they’re war. • Many criminals prefer blackjacks to
firearms. Once they’ve knocked a detec-
tive out with a blackjack, they’ll probably
leave him someplace interesting.
• Ghosts, aliens, gods, and costumed
MYSTERY CHARACTERS crime fighters may very well exist, but it’s
hard to care too much when you can’t
Mystery Archetypes make this month’s rent.
Hero: The Hardboiled Detective (Mike Hammer)
Mentor: The Loyal Manservant (Max from “Hart to Hart”)
Herald: The String of Mysterious Murders All Linked by One Common Feature Fun Fact: Hardboiled detective Mike
Threshold Guardian: The Clues Hammer was originally a comic strip
Shapeshifter: The Femme Fatale (Any female character in any Raymond character named Mike Danger. The char-
Chandler novel) acter appeared in two issues of a comic
Trickster: The Sidekick (Theodore “T.C.” Calvin) called Crime Detector and may have been
Shadow: The Criminal Mastermind (James Moriarty) the subject of a short-lived newspaper
Popular Mystery Gimmicks: Polymath, Ratiocination, Intuition, Criminal Genius, strip. In the 1990s, Mickey Spillane fan
Hardboiled, Tough, Contacts Max Allan Collins revived the character
Popular Mystery Weaknesses: Addiction, Overly Clever, Enemy, Socially as a 20th century detective transported to
Dysfunctional, Bad Reputation the future in a comic book series appro-
priately titled Mike Danger.

SCIENCE FICTION
Science Fiction—also known as Speculative Fiction—is not about how things are but about how things could be. Though it can be
similar to fantasy, SF uses science as its basis instead of magic. It’s more plausible than fantasy, or at least gives more of an appearance
of plausibility. Some types of SF ignore the finer points of science, and in these cases the difference between Science Fiction and
Fantasy boils down to which genre trappings are used—rayguns instead of swords, for instance, or giant robots instead of dragons.
Though the genre has its roots in pulp magazines, SF is more than just rockets and rayguns. The genre includes many different ways of
imagining both the future and other worlds.
Science Fiction Subgenres: Adventures in Another Galaxy (“Farscape”), Alternate History (Guns of the South), Cyberpunk
(Neuromancer), Dystopian Future (Brave New World), Hard SF (2001: A Space Odyssey), Interesting Future with Both Good and Bad
Elements (The Stars My Destination), Military (Starship Troopers), Outer Space Exploration (“Star Trek”), Paranoid Gnostic SF (the
works of Philip K. Dick), Post-Apocalypse (The Road Warrior), Pulp (Doc Savage), Space Opera (Star Wars)
Science Fiction Stuff: Androids, Apocalypse, Astronauts, Cyberspace, Enlightened Governments, Evolution, Fascistic Governments,
the Future, Genetic Engineering, Godlike Beings, Hive Minds, Jet Packs, Metaphors, Multiverse, Mutants, Nanotechnology, Physics, Ray
Guns, Robots, Rockets, Social Commentary, Telepathy, Teleportation, Time Travel, Utopias, Virtual Reality
Sample Adventures in of course, but they landed a recording band of rebels who want their help in
contract in the process. Now Groovin’ Zed overthrowing the planet’s oppressive king.
Another Galaxy Campaign: and the Roller Kings make their way • After years of wandering, the band
around the galaxy in the Love Ship, play- discovers a way back to Earth—but can
Groovin’ Zed and the ing gigs, righting wrongs, and hoping to they give up the fame and success they’ve
someday find a planet that grows killer found among the stars?
Roller Kings space weed.
Setting: Another Galaxy
Campaign Set-Up: In 1976, Groovin’ Groovin’ Zed and the
Adventure Ideas:
Zed and the Roller Kings was perhaps the
worst band in America. Though the band • A bitter rival from the battle of the
Roller Kings Rules
had taken to the road in the Love Bus to bands vows to destroy the Roller Kings. • Whenever the band first appears,
promote their single “Peyote,” they met • The band finally finds some killer “Peyote” plays in the background.
with little success and were forced to con- space weed, but when their dog Reefer • Life in another galaxy is a lot like life
sider getting real jobs. Then an alien tal- eats it he mutates into a terrifying mon- on Earth, only more exciting and with
ent scout abducted Groovin’ Zed and all strosity. more bright colors.
four of the Roller Kings and whisked them • Groovin’ Zed and Roller Kings are • Most alien races enjoy rock music.
away to an alien world billions of light invited to perform on the planet Zalooga. • Warping technology allows spaceships
years away to compete in an intergalactic Once there, though, they discover that to travel vast distances across the galaxy,
battle of the bands. The Roller Kings lost, they’ve actually been invited by the secret but for some reason Earth is usually inac-
cessible.
• Universal translators make it easy
to communicate with most alien races.
• Reefer the dog always gets into
trouble.
SCIENCE FICTION CHARACTERS Stupid Trivia: Brent Spiner, best

Archetypes known as “Star Trek: The Next
Hero: The Astronaut (Dave Bowman) Generation’”s Data, used to play hard-
Mentor: The Wise Alien (Mr. Spock) luck hillbilly Bob Wheeler on “Night
Herald: The Employer (Armitage) Court.”
Threshold Guardian: Nameless Mooks (Storm Troopers)
Shapeshifter: The Questionable Ally (Han Solo)
Trickster: The Annoying Crewman (Arnold Judas Rimmer)
Shadow: The Fascistic Government (Big Brother)
Popular SF Gimmicks: Knack for Building Things, Polymath, Freaky Psychic
Powers, Cool Toy (Post-Apocalyptic Roadster), Super-Science, Telepathy
Popular SF Weaknesses: Hubris, Responsible for the Lives of Lots of Crew
Members, Impulsive, Enemy

SHAKESPEAREAN DRAMA
Though a genre is generally defined by hundreds of different authors, we feel that the works of William Shakespeare are worth con-
sidering as a genre in and of themselves, simply because Shakespeare is the greatest writer in the English language. Though his plays
technically fall in the categories of Elizabethan and Jacobean drama, his best works transcend the culture of 17th century Britain and
speak to us today. In addition to being a master of language Shakespeare was, according to Yale’s Harold Bloom, the first writer to cre-
ate real, three-dimensional fictional characters.10 There’s also a wide range in mood and tone, from the wacky hi-jinx of Twelfth Night to
the soul-crushing anguish of King Lear.
Shakespearean Subgenres: Comedy (A Midsummer Night’s Dream), History (King Henry IV Part One), Problem Play (Measure for
Measure), Romance (The Tempest), Tragedy (King Lear), Prophecy Play (Star Wars)
Shakespearean Stuff: Ale, Ancient Rome, Bawds, Betrayal, Cuckoldry, Death, Fools, Iambic Pentameter, Identical Twins, Irony,
Kings, Love, Love Triangles, Meaninglessness, Poetry, Sex, Soliloquies, the Stage, Swordfights, Tempests, Tragic Flaws, Tudors,
Ungrateful Children, Wacky Misunderstandings, Whores
wrong. Your group has planned out a tour infidelity, and the players must help prove
Sample Shakespearean that will take you to Verona, Venice, her innocence.
Tragedy Campaign: The England, and Scotland. Things have been
bad in the past, but now that you’re keep-
• The Players discover that Thane
Macbeth is plotting to assassinate the
Players ing your eyes open for trouble you’re sure
you can prevent any more catastrophes.
King of Scotland.
• After constant exposure to death and
Setting: The Vague Past despair, one of the Players loses it and
Campaign Set-Up: You and your friends becomes a tragic character himself.
Adventure Ideas:
always dreamed of the stage, and finally
worked up the courage to run away from • The Players go to Verona and are
home and join a traveling troupe of caught up in a feud between the houses of The Players Rules
actors. You learned your Virgil, your Montague and Capulet, which only gets • Everywhere the Players go, tragedy
Seneca, and your Platus; you mastered more complicated when they learn that ensues.
comedy, history, and tragedy. You began two children from opposing sides have • At any appropriate time a character
playing for wealthy patrons all across the fallen in love. may choose to soliloquize. No other char-
land. But lately life seems to have taken a • While in England the players get acters can hear the soliloquy.
tragic turn. Shortly after you performed at wind of a plan by King Lear’s daughters to • Whenever possible, characters should
the castle Elsinore in Denmark, the seize control of the throne. speak in iambic pentameter.
entire royal family ended up dead and the • While in Venice the Players befriend • If a character is about to leave a
kingdom fell to invaders. Now everywhere a woman named Desdemona. Her hus- room, his final comments should be in the
you go, it seems like things go horribly band, the general Othello, suspects her of form of a rhyming couplet.
• Ghosts, fairies, and spirits are real.
• Prophecies come true, especially if
you don’t believe them.
• An important character who is fatally
wounded must deliver a speech before
dying.
SHAKESPEAREAN DRAMA CHARACTERS Meaningful Quote:

Archetypes Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
Hero: The King (King Lear) That struts and frets his hour upon the
Mentor: The Wizard (Prospero) stage
Herald: The Ghost (Hamlet’s Father) And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Threshold Guardian: The Supernatural Entity (The Weird Sisters) Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Shapeshifter: The Old Friends (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern) Signifying nothing.
Trickster: The Fool (Mercutio) --Macbeth
Shadow: The Bad King (Claudius)
Popular Shakespearean Gimmicks: King, True Love, Magical Spirit, Prophesy,
Ghost, Born Leader, Wealthy
Popular Shakespearean Weaknesses: Doomed, Haunted, Burden of Duty,
Enemy, Totally Oblivious, Vice, Donkey Head 10
Bloom, Harold. Shakespeare: The Invention of the
Human. New York: Penguin Putnam, 1998.

SUPER-HERO
Though humans have told stories about heroes for thousands of years, super-heroes are a much more recent development. Super-
heroes can get their powers through a number of means: radiation, genetic engineering, boons from the gods, mystical artifacts, acci-
dents with chemicals, high-tech gadgets, studying ancient disciplines, or just being born that way. However it happens, they feel a need
to take on a new identity, don an appropriate costume, and devote themselves to battling evil. Not every super-hero meets all four
requirements—costume, powers, alter ego, and mission to battle evil—but as long as you have any three, you can call yourself a super-
hero. Thanks to the millions of super-hero comic books published since 1938, the genre has accumulated a great many trappings that
range from the sublime to the ludicrous. Determining which, if any, of these trappings you are willing to use will go a long way toward
defining the tone of your game. Though some successful attempts have been made at realistic super-hero stories, the genre is grounded
in the fantastic, and works best when allowed to become metaphorical.
Super-hero Subgenres: Campy (the “Batman” TV show), Cosmic (“JLA”), Golden Age (“All-Star Comics”), Mythological (“New
Gods”), Science Adventurers (“Fantastic Four”), Silver Age (comics published in the 1960’s), Small Children (“Power Puff Girls”),
Surreal (Grant Morrison’s “Doom Patrol”), Teen (“Teen Titans”), Urban Crime (“Batman”, “Daredevil”)
Super-hero Stuff: Aliens, Angst, Battles Royale, Capes, Colorful Costumes, Cruel Other Kids, Fictional Cities, Flying, Gadgets, Genetic
Alteration, Gods, Kid Sidekicks, Mad Scientists, Masks, Mystical Artifacts, Nazis, Nobility, Obvious Metaphors, Parallel Universes,
Personal Sacrifice, Robots, Saving the World, Secret Headquarters, Secret Identities, Superhuman Powers, Talking Gorillas, Utility
Belts, Vigilantism, Violence, a World That Fears and Hates You Even Though You Risk Your Life to Protect It
Sample Golden Age Super- Adventure Ideas: • Time travelers from the future have
come back seeking the ACA’s help in
Heroes Campaign: ACA • The maniacal Dr. M is seeking mem- defeating the Steel Swastika, whose evil
bership in the League of Alphabetical lives on in the year 2314.
Setting: 1940’s America Madmen, and to prove himself must com-
Campaign Set-Up: In 1941, during the mit seven high-profile crimes in seven dif- ACA Rules
darkest hours of World War II, the ferent cities in seven days. • A normal, red-blooded American
American Crimefighters’ Association has • An archaeological dig in the Middle male is good with his fists and fairly
assembled to battle Axis agents in East has unearthed the Spear of Destiny. knowledgeable about science.
America and abroad. This loose assem- If Hitler gets his hands on it, according to • Killing is wrong, though special
blage brings together grim urban vigi- the legends, his army will be unstoppable. exceptions can be made during wartime.
lantes, colorful patriots, and enthusiastic • A team of Japanese occultists has • In 1941 there’s no such thing as a
youngsters, all dedicated to the common located the mystical green gem that will transistor radio, but scientists have made
cause of freedom and democracy. From summon the great sea dragon Typhonis, amazing advances in the fields of robot-
their secret headquarters in Washington who they plan to send to attack America’s ics, brain transplant surgery, and invisi-
DC, the ACA answers the government’s west coast. bility rays.
call and takes on those cases too dan- • Nazis have secretly constructed a • Scientists don’t feel safe committing
gerous for the regular authorities to zeppelin brigade that’s about to their ideas to paper, and tend to have
handle. bomb Manhattan. short life expectancies, so none of the
aforementioned amazing devices are ever
mass-produced.
• No one really considers himself
SUPER-HERO CHARACTERS evil… except for a select few, who call
themselves things like “Dr. Hate.”
Archetypes Human Physical Perfection, Super Strength, • War is Hell, but beating the tar out of
Hero: The Average Joe with Powers (Bruce Fly, Magical Artifact, World’s Greatest [Insert a ring of fifth columnist spies is a blast.
Willis in Unbreakable) Activity], Control [Insert Energy Type], [Insert • Even if he has no super-powers, a
Mentor: The Wise Uncle (Uncle Ben) Ability] of a [Insert Animal], Heightened man in a costume can easily beat up ten
Herald: The Sympathetic Cop Senses, Stretching Powers, Shapeshifting, normally clothed men of the approximate
(Commissioner Gordon) Super Speed, Teleportation, [Insert same size and build.
Threshold Guardian: The Giant Robot (a Pantheon] God, Invulnerable, Size Control, • Taking a child into combat is safe, as
giant robot) Talk to Animals, Useful Gadget,Vast Cosmic long as you give him a costume first.
Shapeshifter: The Thief with a Heart of Gold Power, Wizard, Filthy Rich, Aquatic Powers • Good generally defeats evil, though
(Catwoman) Popular Super-Hero Weaknesses: sometimes good has to make sacrifices.
Trickster: The Sidekick (Snapper Carr) Borderline Psychotic,Vulnerability to an
Shadow: The Evil Genius Bent on Taking Element, Code of Honor, Enemy,
over the World (take your pick) Unpredictable Power, Achilles’ Heel, Genre Patron Saint: Jack Kirby
Popular Super-Hero Gimmicks: Peak of Frightens Small Children, Reeks of Fish

WESTERN
Westerns are stories that take place in the Wild West. “But,” you ask, “doesn’t that mean they belong to the Historical genre?” Shit
no! You see, the Wild West, though very similar to the 19th-century American West, is not a real place. For example, according to
Richard Shenkman (author of Legends, Lies, and Cherished Myths of American History), “there’s no evidence that anyone died in a
frontier shootout at high noon.” In Western fiction, though, it happens all the time. While a few Westerns follow the facts closely enough
that they could be considered Historical stories, most take plenty of liberties with both history and reality.
Western Subgenres: Cowboys & Indians (The Searchers), Outlaw Story (Young Guns), Comedy (Support Your Local Sheriff),
Frontier Justice (High Noon), Spaghetti Western (The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly), Western Musical (Cat Ballou), War (Fort
Apache), Weird West (Jonah Hex: Two Gun Mojo), Pulp Western (“The Lone Ranger”)
Western Stuff: Six Shooters, The Duke, Horses, Shootouts, Heading Them Off At The Pass, The Code of the West, Posses, Saloons,
John Ford, Bank Robberies, Stagecoaches, The Railroad, Whiskey, Clint Eastwood, Ten Gallon Hats, Hangin’s, Poker, Badlands, Covered
Wagons, The Gold Rush, High Noon
“superpowers,” but they should be rela-

Sample Weird West Adventure Ideas: tively subtle—Jake Sawyer, for example,
• The Seven are sent to investigate has a higher-than-normal Body (18), and
Campaign: The Six-Gun werewolf activity in Kansas. the Super-Fast Healer Gimmick.
Seven • An Indian shaman is summoning oth-
erworldly creatures to attack railroad
• A surprising percentage of mysteries
have supernatural explanations.
Setting: The Weird West workers. • All Western cliches involving horses
Campaign Set-Up: The year is 1867. • Zombies! or guns are 100% true.
The dime novels call you and your friends • The Seven go after a snake-oil sales- • Townsfolk in the Old West are surpris-
“The Six-Gun Seven,” after your leader man whose tonics turn victims into mind- ingly trusting of armed drifters.
Jake “Six-Gun” Sawyer. You’re not the less slaves. • Wealthy ranchers and rail barons are
average band of cowboys, which is why • A train carrying gold bars is robbed usually up to no good.
the President himself chose you as his by mechanical spiders. The Seven are • Jails are rarely well-guarded.
special task force to deal with the more sent to investigate. • If there is some kind of commotion in
unusual situations that cross his desk. town, somebody’s going to end up in the
You and your friends have seen things trough.
that most people don’t even believe in Six-Gun Seven Rules
anymore, and you’ve killed a couple of • Most people believe the world’s a
things you’re still not sure you believe in. nice, normal place—there’s no such thing Tag Line: “You’ll have to excuse Comet.
as ghosts, monsters, etc. He doesn’t know he’s a horse.”
• Characters are allowed to have –Brisco County, Jr.
WESTERN CHARACTERS
Archetypes
Hero: The Gunslinger (Wyatt Earp)
Mentor: The Mysterious Stranger (Preacher)
Heralds: The Town in Trouble (Santa Poco)
Threshold Guardians: Hostile Indians (The Apache)
Shapeshifter: Anyone with “Kid” In His Name (The Waco Kid)
Trickster: The Town Drunk (Festus)
Shadows: The Evil Rancher (Elliot Marston)
Popular Western Gimmicks: Fastest Gun in the West, Crack Shot, Nerves of
Steel, Good Horse, Friends in High Places, Reputation, Tougher Than Leather,
Eagle Eyes, Grizzled Veteran
Popular Western Weaknesses: Tinhorn, Wanted, Enemy, Drunk, Code of Honor,
Delusions of Grandeur, Social Stigma, Getting Too Old For This Shit

APPENDIX FOUR Sample Characters
Artie King Gimmick: ................................Fearless (14) Amy Morales, known to her friends as
Weakness: ..................Overconfidence (11) Gremlin, discovered at age 12 that she
Body: ..........................................................16 Skills:................................Monsterology +3; could control electronic devices. At 15,
Brain: ........................................................16 Music Trivia +2; Dancing +3; she used this ability to break into her
Nerve: ........................................................16 English Lit +2 father’s company headquarters (Morales
Job: ..................................Talent Agent (12) HP:..............................................................20 Industries, America’s leading manufactur-
Gimmick: ........Once and Future King (15) YY: ................................................................2 er of spy cars) and steal an experimental
Weakness: ............................ Alcoholic (15) Tag Line: ........................“This one’s mine.” motorcycle so she could run away from
Skills: ................................Sports Trivia +3; WWPHITM?:............................Eliza Dushku home. She traveled around the country
Brawling +2; Poker +2 Favorite Movie: ......................Men In Black making friends and having wacky adven-
HP:..............................................................18 tures. Eventually, she became involved
Yum Yums: ..................................................2 When Autumn was seven years old, her with the Heroic Ensemble of Metahuman
Tag Line:............................“I need a drink.” father took her to work with him. That People, an underground crime-fighting
WWPHITM? ..............................Kevin Kline afternoon the giant monster Ortogon organization (mainly because they throw
Most Famous Client: ..............“Stone Cold” attacked the city. Autumn watched in ter- really good parties). Gremlin doesn’t take
Steve Austin ror as Ortogon moved toward her father’s orders well, has a nasty temper, and tends
Artie King used to have it all—loyal office building, throwing cars and knock- to be a little gun-happy. Still, she basically
knights, a big castle, and a hot (if unfaith- ing down buildings. Right before he got to means well and the gun is usually loaded
ful) queen. Then management started the building, though, M-Forcers managed with non-lethal bullets supplied by her
“cleaning house.” The knights were sent to distract the monster and lure him out friends the Munitions Brothers. She only
away, Camelot was replaced with a scale of town. From that day on, Autumn had uses real bullets against X, The
model, and Art was moved into a fifth- only one dream in life: to become an M-
Multidimensional Man, who she’s killed
floor walk-up with Richard the Lion- Force agent. Autumn’s parents forced her
about 30 times.
Hearted and JFK. Eventually, he just to go to college, where she majored in
couldn’t take it anymore, so he applied for English. Immediately after graduation, G roovin’ Zed
a passport and headed back to the world she enrolled in the M-Force Academy. She
Body: ..........................................................10
of mortals. graduated with honors, and today she’s a
Brain: ..........................................................8
Things had changed, but Art figured member of the San Antonio field office.
Nerve: ........................................................14
he’d be just fine if he could locate the When she’s not fighting monsters,
Job: ........................Singer/Songwriter (11)
sword and find Merlin. Unfortunately, he Autumn works at The Slipped Disc, a CD
had no idea how to quest for things on his shop. Gimmick: ..........................Dumb Luck (16)
own. Back in the day, he had people to Weakness: ..........................Addictions (14),
take care of things like that. He needed to Enemies: Rival Bands (12)
G remlin Skills: Rock Trivia (Up to 1976) +3,
find some of the boys to help him find the
sword. Art set himself up as a talent Body: ..........................................................12 Drawing +1, Find Drugs +2
agent, figuring that strapping, handsome Brain: ........................................................13 HP:..............................................................10
lads like Galahad would seek work in the Nerve: ........................................................15 Yum Yums: ..................................................1
entertainment and sports fields. That was Job: ................................Crime Fighter (14) Tag Line:..................................“Check it out
four years ago, and Art still hasn’t man- Gimmick: ....................Electrokinetic (11); —hot alien babes!”
aged to locate a single knight. These days, Contacts (17) WWPHITM? ..............................Jeff Bridges
Artie King is a depressed, broken man Weakness: Enemy Latest Addiction: ..........................Ortellian
who spends most of his time at the corner (X, The Multi-Dimensional Man) (12); Pleasure Slugs
bar ranting and raving about his glory Bad Temper (15)
days. Skills: ......................Motorcycle Riding +3; When Nelson Mackey’s band decided to
Firearms +2; Freeloading +1 call itself Groovin’ Zed and the Roller
HP:..............................................................14 Kings, Nelson volunteered to be Groovin’
Autumn Nicole Bedell
11
YY: ................................................................3 Zed. Since this made him the band’s

Body: ..........................................................15 Tag Line: ....“Hey, I think I know that guy!” leader, Groovin’ Zed no longer had to try
Brain: ........................................................13 WWPHITM? ............................A punked-out and play bass. He could now devote him-
Nerve: ........................................................15 Sarah Michelle Gellar self to singing and songwriting. It was
Job: ..............................M-Force Agent (15) Favorite Food:........................Cap’n Crunch while under the influence of peyote that
11
Since Autumn was originally drawn and named by artist Gary Bedell, we asked him what her last name should be. Modest lad, isn’t he?

Groovin’ Zed wrote the band’s all-time fidant and assisted as best he could, but Nerve: ........................................................15
classic “Peyote,” which got played on ultimately things got out of control and Job: ............................Shoe Salesman (16),
some college stations. Similar songwriting most of the court ended up dead. Horatio Super-Hero (12)
conditions inspired such follow-ups as decided to kill himself, too, until the Gimmick: ....................Powerful Shoes (15)
“Acid,” “Uppers,” “Whole Bag of Weed,” dying Hamlet stopped him and said, “If Weakness: ......................Family Curse (15)
and “Just a Lot of Aspirin Dissolved in a thou didst ever hold me in thy Skills: ......................Dodge +2, Cooking +1,
Cup.” None of these songs met with the heart,/Absent thee from felicity Whistling +2
same success as “Peyote,” however, and awhile,/And in this harsh world draw thy HP:..............................................................17
Groovin’ Zed had to consider selling off breath in pain/To tell my story.” Horatio YY ................................................................ 3
the tour bus and getting a job at his dad’s immediately agreed to share Hamlet’s Tag Line: ..................“Don’t tread on me…
grocery. Everything changed when the story with the world. He traveled from or I’ll tread on you!”
alien talent scout abducted Groovin’ Zed town to town until he found the troupe of WWPHITM? ..............................Skeet Ulrich
and the Roller Kings to another galaxy far actors who had recently visited the castle. Shoe Size: ..................................................15
far away. Now Groovin’ Zed and the Roller There he told them his story and they
Kings are beloved by billions of sentient accepted him into the troupe. Now he By day, Carlos del Fuego Hidalgo
beings across a hundred alien worlds. makes his way from town to town, acting Costilla is a simple shoe salesman. But by
Groovin’ Zed still writes the songs, does in a play based on Hamlet’s life and night, he is the enigmatic crimefighter
the singing, and leads the band. death. known only as Los Zapatos! Armed with
Occasionally he tells them that he’s trying the mighty magical shoes that have been
to find a way for them to get home, but in passed down through his family for gener-
Jake “Six-G un” Sawyer
his heart he knows he’d rather be ations, Carlos stomps evil wherever it
Groovin’ Zed, Intergalactic Rock Star, Body: ..........................................................18 appears. The shoes grant Carlos superhu-
than Nelson Mackey, Grocery Guy. Brain: ........................................................12 man strength, speed, and semi-invulnera-
Nerve: ........................................................14 bility. Along with the power of the shoes
Job: ..............................Bounty Hunter (16) comes a curse, however, and Carlo must
Horatio
Gimmick:................Super-Fast Healer (15) always be on guard, lest he trip and fall to
Body: ..........................................................13 Weakness: Getting Too Old his death like his father before him.
Brain: ........................................................15 For This Shit (15) Though originally from Guadalajara,
Nerve: ........................................................13 Skills: ..........Riding +3; Knife Fighting +2; Carlos is currently going to college in New
Job: ......................................Tragedian (12) Cooking +1; York. He’s living with a few roommates,
Gimmick ................................ Survivor (15) HP:..............................................................25 none of whom suspect his secret identity.
Weakness: ................Tragedy Magnet (13), YY: ................................................................4
..............................................Death Wish (8) Tag Line: ..............“Why won’t these things
Mike Mulligan
Skills Speak Eloquently +2, just stay dead?”
Swordplay +1 WWPHITM?: ............................Tom Selleck Body: ..........................................................15
HP:..............................................................13 Horse’s Name:..................................Bastard Brain: ..........................................................8
YY: ................................................................1 Nerve: ........................................................16
Tag Line: ......“So shall you hear/Of carnal, Jake Sawyer’s first encounter with the Job: ..........................Private Detective (10)
bloody, and unnatural acts,/Of accidental supernatural was with a creature called Gimmick: ....................................Tough (16)
judgments, casual slaughters,/Of deaths “The Unforgiven,” who had possessed Weakness: ........................Bad Temper (16)
put on by cunning and forced cause,/And, Charlie Bone, a bank robber Jake was Skills: ......................Brawling +4, Guns +2,
in this upshot, purposes mistook/Falln’ on hunting. From there, Sawyer investigated Baseball +1
th’ inventors’ heads./All this can I Truly a number of strange and unusual leads, HP:..............................................................17
deliver.” eventually managing to convince himself YY: ................................................................2
WWPHITM?........................Nicholas Farrell that monsters really did exist. Jake decid- Tag Line: ..“Did you remember that name,
Fancies Himself: More an Antique Roman ed that somebody needed to be fighting or do I keep punching?”
than a Dane against the creatures of the night, and put WWPHITM? ..........................Jimmy Cagney
together a team to do just that. After dime Favorite Drink: ................................Scotch
When he heard news of King Hamlet’s novelist Wayne Marlowe wrote a series of
death, Horatio of Denmark left the univer- books about the group, President Grant The year is 1938 and a man named
sity in Wittenberg and returned to the found out about the activities of the “Six- Mike Mulligan walks the dirty streets of
castle Elsinore for the funeral. A rational, Gun Seven.” He promptly deputized them New York City. Mike’s a detective. He isn’t
educated man, Horatio did not believe the as special agents of the U.S. government, the sharpest guy around, but his fists and
reports of the King’s ghost appearing… with the mission of “handling sensitive sheer determination get the job done. He
until he saw the ghost himself. Shortly matters for the President.” wears a trenchcoat and a fedora, carries a
afterwards, Horatio was reunited with his revolver, and smokes nasty cigars. For
old friend and fellow student Prince awhile Mike had his own office, complete
Los Zapatos
Hamlet. After Hamlet talked to the ghost with his own disgruntled secretary. But
he embarked on a plan of revenge against Body: ..........................................................13 it’s hard for a man with any dignity to
his uncle. Horatio served as Hamlet’s con- Brain: ........................................................12 make ends meet in the city. Mike had to
give up the office and let Dolores go. Now Brain: ........................................................13 as the youngest deckhand on Sir Francis
he’s swallowed his pride and gone to work Nerve: ........................................................15 Drake’s 50-ton Judith as Drake began his
for some other guy. Working for the Job: ....................................Petty Thief (16) long career as an English rogue and priva-
Herrick Agency wasn’t Mike’s first choice, Gimmick: ........................Magical Coat (12) teer. Young Jim still keeps his father’s sea
but by God he’s going to show these ama- Weakness: ..............Victim of the Past (12) chest, hoping for the day when he will
teurs how it’s done. Skills: ..........Urban Survival +2; Sneak +1; carry it into the captain’s cabin on his
Pop Culture +2 very own command.
HP:..............................................................14
Mr. Fortune
YY: ................................................................3
Yum Yum Girl
Body: ..........................................................14 Tag Line: ....“Hold on a sec’, I think I’ve got
Brain: ........................................................11 one of those right here.” Body: ..............................................................16
Nerve: ........................................................14 WWPHITM? ..........................Winona Ryder Brain: ............................................................12
Job: ..................................Office Clerk (10), Favorite Beatle: ..................................Ringo Nerve: ............................................................16
Crimefighter (12) The young lady known as Trinket is an Job: ..............................................Warrior (15)
Gimmick: ....................................Lucky (15) orphan who grew up on the streets, often Gimmick: ..........Always Has Yum Yums (16)
Weakness:....Acute Social Conscience (15) forced to steal food and pick pockets to sur- Weakness: ..........Psychological Dependence
Skills: ......................................Brawling +1, vive. At some point she bought a battered on Her Teddy Bear (16)
Swing from Grappling Hook +2, old coat at a thrift store, a coat which Skills: ................................Urban Survival +3;
Farming +2 turned out to have unusual properties. For Spokesmodel +2; Throw Tea Party +2
HP:..............................................................14 one thing, the pockets are seemingly infi- HP:..............................................................20
YY: ................................................................4 nite inside. As long as they can fit through YY:......................................................Enough
Tag Line:....“You’re out of luck, my friend.” the opening, any number of objects can be Tag Line: ................“Give me back my bear
WWPHITM? ..........Matthew McConaughey stored there. For another, Trinket can pull or I swear to God I’ll blow your fucking
Favorite Writer: ..................John Steinbeck practically anything out of her pockets. The head off.”
more common an item, the easier it is to WWPHITM? ........................Rose McGowan
Sammy Taggert’s family was hit hard by produce. Trinket has an infinite supply of Favorite Flavor of Candy:..........Strawberry
the Depression, so he hitched a ride to the paperclips, loose change, and ballpoint
city to see if he could find work. He could- pens at her disposal. Though a skilled thief, Before the fall of civilization, little
n’t. Before long he had run out of money she is not a hardened criminal, and basical- Susie was the spokesgirl for Yum Yums,
and was living on the streets. One night ly means well. She spends much of her time America’s Favorite Candy. With her teddy
Sammy saw a couple of thugs beating up an roaming the country with her best friend bear Mr. Pookums, she won over the
old man. He ran to the rescue and punched Amy “Gremlin” Morales. hearts of candy-lovers everywhere. Then
the thugs out. The old man thanked everything went to hell. With Mr.
Sammy, and said some kind of weird bless- Pookums as her only companion, Susie
“Young” Jim Hill
ing. Sammy didn’t think much about the had to grow up fast, and learn to survive
blessing, until the next day. Through an Body: ..........................................................13 on the mean streets of this dark new
improbable string of events, Sammy sud- Brain: ........................................................11 world. Armed with only her laser pistol
denly had a job, a place to live, and a girl- Nerve: ........................................................15 and her wits, Yum Yum Girl wages a
friend. Feeling guilty about having such Job: ......................................Deckhand (14) bloody, brutal war to restore the inno-
good luck while so many were starving, Gimmick:....................................Wise in the cence of her youth.
Sammy decided to do something to help Ways of the Sea (12)
those less fortunate. He put together a col- Weakness: ..................................Scurvy (12)
orful outfit, took on the name Mr. Fortune, Skills: Setting and Repairing Sails +1,
and went after the criminals who ran his Drinking +2
neighborhood. Mr. Fortune’s luck held HP: ............................................................13
through one thrilling escapade after anoth- YY: ................................................................1
er, helping him survive dozens of deadly sit- Tag Line: ..“Ay, there! Watch you dog that
uations. Over the course of several months line tight or I’ll have you keelhauled, you
he made great progress in bringing in crim- dammed Spanish waster!”
inals and helping the good people of the WWPHITM? ..........................Ioan Gruffudd
city. Now that war has broken out, Mr. Dark Secret: ..........Doesn’t really like rum
Fortune has expanded the scope of his
operations. He now fights alongside All- “Young” Jim Hill is a true son of a gun,
Star, the Scarlet Shroud, Dr. Bizarre, and born in the space between two cannon on
others as a member of the American one of His Majesty’s warships. Young Jim’s
Crimefighters’ Association. father Jim was killed in a hurricane off of
the Treasure Coast, but even seeing that
wasn’t enough to drive Young Jim to swal-
Trinket
low the anchor and give up life at sea. By
Body: ..........................................................12 chance Young Jim found himself serving
APPENDIX FIVE Useful GMCs
Sometimes you don’t have time to lovingly flesh out every GMC. Sometimes you just need monsters and thugs for the PCs to fight.
Once again, we’re here to help. Below are some of the most commonly used GMCs from QAGS playtesting.
G oatzebra YY: ................................................................0 resisted Nerve check vs. the Monster’s

Body: ..........................................................19 Gimmick or lose his action.
Brain: ..........................................................5 Weakness:......................Achilles’ Heel (13)
Alien
Nerve: ........................................................18 If your roll to hit the Monster is 10 or more,
Job:..........................................Monster (15) Body: ............................................................9 and the Monster fails his Weakness roll,
Gimmick: ....................Atomic Breath (14) Brain: ........................................................17 you do double damage.
Weakness: ....................Always Hungry (14) Nerve: ........................................................12 Skills: ....................................................None
Skills: ....................................................None Job: ..............................................Alien (14) HP: ............................................................20
H.P: ..........................................................100 Gimmick: ......................Super Science (14) YY: ................................................................0
YY: ................................................................5 Weakness: ..................Physically Weak (14) Tag Line:.............................. “GRRRARGH!”
Skills: ..............Pilot +2; Shoot Ray Gun +1 WWPHITM? ................................Tom Hanks
HP ..............................................................15 (in a Monster suit)
Evil Elvis Impersonator
YY: ................................................................1 Treasure Type:..........................................Nil
Body: ..........................................................12
Brain: ........................................................11
Nerve: ........................................................14 Zombie
Job: ......................Elvis Impersonator (15) Body: ..........................................................13
Gimmick: ............................Hypnotism (12) Brain: ..........................................................2
Weakness: ........Forgets He’s Not Elvis (12) Nerve: ........................................................20
Skills: ..............Karate +2, Evil Scheme +1 Job: ....................Flesh-Eating Corpse (13)
H.P: ............................................................11 Gimmick: ..........................Hard to Kill (14)
YY: ................................................................2 Weakness: ....One Track Mind (Brains) (14)
Skills: ....................................................None
HP ..............................................................20
All-Purpose Enemy Soldier YY: ................................................................0
Body: ..........................................................11
Brain: ........................................................11
Quesa Demon
Nerve: ........................................................11
Job:............................................Soldier (12) Body: ..........................................................12
Gimmick: ............Courage Under Fire (13) Brain: ..........................................................7
Weakness: ..........................Shitty Aim (13) Nerve: ........................................................16
Skills: ..........Shooting +2; Self-Defense +1 Job: ........................Cheese Elemental (14)
HP ..............................................................11 Gimmick: ....................Resist Damage (13)
YY: ................................................................0 Weakness:......................................Cold (13)
Skills: ..........................Fling Hot Cheese +3
HP ..............................................................12
All-Purpose Henchman YY: ................................................................0
Body: ..........................................................11
Brain: ........................................................11
Cave Monster
Nerve: ........................................................11
Job: ....................................Henchman (12) Body: ..........................................................17
Gimmick: ..................Powerful Patron (12) Brain: ..........................................................4
Weakness:..............................Cowardly (12) Nerve: ........................................................14
Skills: ..........Brawling +2; Petty Crime +3; Job:..........................................Monster (14)
Drive +1 Gimmick: ....................................Scary (13)
HP ..............................................................11 Each round, the character must make a

APPENDIX SIX
Stuff: The Equipment Guide
Looking for something spice up your European warfare for centuries, seeing able to build the Cathedralpult more
games? Need some ideas for equipment common use well into the mid-1300s. quickly, but not by much.) Once complet-
the PCs can use? Look no further! Here Even as late as the 1650s, lightweight ed, the Cathedralpult may only be fired
are 15 items you can incorporate into a Cathedralpults saw occasional service in once. It will fling a cathedral one mile
wide variety of games. Cromwell’s New Model Army. straight ahead, and then hit everything
Their origins date back to the Late within a half-mile radius. The flying
Dark Ages, when besieging armies would cathedral does 50+5d20 points of dam-
Assmonkey
use catapults to fling rocks, flaming pitch age to everything in range.
These small, playful, furry creatures and itinerant friars into the castles of
were once in plentiful supply in their nat- their foes. It was the monks of the order
Chainsaw
ural habitat. Sadly, because of the deca- of St. Ballistolio who expanded upon this
dent excesses of the 19th century, the ass- concept, reasoning that if launching a A chainsaw is a motorized tool that uti-
monkey is now an endangered species. friar into someone’s midst was good, an lizes an elliptical rotary “blade” made up
Scientists estimate that fewer than 30 entire church was even better. The earli- of dozens of sharp, flexible chain links. It
assmonkeys still live in the wild. Please est known usage of a purposefully built is also the bad-assinest weapon to be con-
help support Hex in our efforts to save the evangelical siege engine was during the ceived of by any man, woman or child in
assmonkey. By adopting an assmonkey, War of the Boysenberries. A catapult-like the history of time. Nuclear warheads may
you will agree to give the lovable little device was used to lob a confessional be more effective, but nothing can match
scamp the warm, safe environment that booth and priest into a castle courtyard the visceral gruesomeness of an up-close
he or she needs to survive: your anus. near Devonshire. Larger implementations and personal goring on the end of a good
When your assmonkey reaches maturity soon followed. Over the years payloads chainsaw. It is also a well-known fact that
(after only six months!) he or she will be progressed from small thatch roofed actual demons from Hell are susceptible
removed and taken to a laboratory, where structures through rough stone masonry to the mind-boggling destructive power of
he or she will choose a mate and breed. to hewn stone edifices. a chainsaw, which can only lead us to the
The newly formed assmonkey family will Construction of the Great conclusion that it is a holy weapon as
return home to live inside your cozy rec- Cathedralista and its payload began well. Chainsaws are also good for cutting
tum. When you adopt an assmonkey, you’ll under great secrecy in 1284 and was down trees.
receive a free kit to help you better completed in 1297. Unfortunately, the The Chainsaw functions as a +6
understand your role in the protection of siege it was built to participate in had weapon in combat. It gives a +7 to chop
this majestic creature. The kit includes ended in late 1290. Not wanting to waste down trees.
one baby assmonkey; a fully illustrated 25- the time and money already spent, it was
page book entitled “Assmonkeys and You”; decided to relocate it to a more conve-
a collection of toys for your assmonkey to nient spot. 1297 through 1299 were spent Complete Works of
play with; special vitamins that will allow
your assmonkey to thrive; a t-shirt pro-
lifting the Cathedralista with giant screw
jacks and mounting it with wheels. The
Shakespeare
claiming “THERE’S A MONKEY IN MY newly mobile siege engine was ready just It’s a well-known fact to any English
ASS!”; and literature, buttons, and in time to participate in Edward I’s inva- major worth his salt (and at last appraisal
bumper stickers to pass out to other sion of Scotland. Unfortunately, nothing the Hex staff was worth well over 400
potential assmonkey hosts. So please, give more is know. Records of its ultimate fate pounds of salt) that “Complete Works” is a
just a little of your time and yourself to have never been unearthed. Three Royal shameful misnomer. If you’re an English
this cause. You’ll be glad you did. Geographic Society expeditions have major, you’ll also know what “misnomer”
An assmonkey gives its host one extra uncovered nothing, and hopes are not means.
Yum Yum per session, but also causes the high for the fourth, scheduled to depart Although the standard volume does a
host to lose one Health Point per session. later this year. Regardless, the story of the fine job of including such pop hits as
Great Cathedralista of St. Ballistolio con- Romeo and Juliet and Titus Andronicus,
tinues to inspire and fascinate historians the real works of art are largely left out.
Cathedralpult
to this day. Sure, sure… the historical plays are fine,
More properly called the Great Assuming one has found or drawn up but anyone can look up history. What
Cathedralista of St. Ballistolio, the the appropriate blueprints, building a about the Prophecy Plays Vandal of the
Cathedralpult was the largest evangelical Cathedralpult takes 100+10d20 workers Rhine, Queen Diana, and Star Wars?
siege engine ever built. While many histo- 5+3d20 years to complete (this assumes What about the touching sequence of son-
ry books gloss over their influence, evan- a basic medieval level of nets “My Catamite,” that have been cruel-
gelical siege engines were a staple of technology–more advanced eras will be ly relegated to the apocrypha? How many
people now know that King Lear’s Now, the Falk Jacket, that’s interesting. Icarus escaped from the Cretan labyrinth
“Nothing will come of nothing” is actually Made to exacting specifications, it is the using homemade wings, but when he flew
a running gag from the early comedies pinnacle of the smoking jacket’s evolu- too close to the sun, the wings fell apart.
Prince Lear, parts I through IV? It’s tion. Sporting jumbo humidors in each The story of Icarus teaches us one very
shocking, really. Shocking and sad. pocket, it can carry enough cigars for important lesson: don’t use cheap glue
The Complete Works of Shakespeare even the most voracious aficionado. The when flying miles above the earth. We
can be used as a +1 weapon at short belt buckle doubles as a cigar cutter, here at Hex would never use cheap glue.
range. It also makes the character who while the left sleeve conceals a match As you can see, this book is bound with
carries it look well-educated. book dispenser so that even the most the finest glue money could buy. And we’d
absent-minded connoisseur need never also never try to fly with wings, when we
fear misplacing them. It is in every have Rocket Technology!
Duct Tape
respect the perfect gift for the cigar Jet boots are, very simply, regular boots
One wonders what it is about ducts that smoker in your life. with small-but-powerful rocket engines
requires such a potent and versatile prod- A Flak Jacket has an Armor Rating of strapped to them. Some models even have
uct to tape them. This is the most useful 3. A Flak Jacket gives a +5 bonus to all limited steering capability, but most of
stuff anyone can have anywhere at any smoking-based rolls. the time the effectiveness doesn’t justify
time. Period. No matter how dark things the cost. Regardless, all jet boots allow
look, no matter how grim the odds, if you the wearer to fly in a generally upward
Haggis, Canned
still have some duct tape and the limbs to direction, and even horizontally, depend-
use it, you may yet prevail. Throughout Really, this entry should be “Haggis ing on the angle of the wearer’s legs.
history, the sound of scales shifting and Wrappers, Canned.” Haggis itself isn’t too Professional jet-booters are a spectacular
odds turning has always been the throaty useful. I mean, there’s probably some use lot, but decidedly few–there’s really not
brraaaaattt of duct tape tearing from the for a sheep’s stomach stuffed with grain much room for error in those early prac-
roll. For generations, duct tape has been and roasted over a fire. This use is more tice sessions. Jet boots are only recom-
the unsung hero of this great land of ours, than likely not as food, however, so allow mended for the very brave, very stupid,
taming mighty rivers, bridging bottomless us to draw a veil over the matter before and/or very suicidal.
canyons. It is the dull silver heart and you begin to speculate too much. The Piloting Jet Boots requires a successful
soul of— wrappers, however, are immensely useful. Body (or related Gimmick or Job) roll.
What was that? What did you say? First, make sure the cans have nice big Failing this roll means the user has
“What’s the big deal,” you say? “Just color serving suggestion photos. Ones swerved wildly out of control, and has
tape,” you say? with educational cartoons entitled “The two more chances to make the roll before
Do you mean to tell us you’ve never Making of Haggis” are even better. Once crashing disastrously. A roll of “20”
found yourself in the midst of such a cata- you have the cans, remove the wrapper. means that the Jet Boots cease function-
strophe that nerves of steel and tape col- Gently, now, as we’ll be reusing them next ing, and the user begins to plummet.
ored to match were your only salvation? Is paragraph.
your life so empty of challenge and adven- Once you get the wrappers off, you can
Love Ray
ture that you have never, ever, once in put them on other cans. Cool, huh? Now
your life had to improvise with duct tape? don’t give us that look. What do you mean Over the centuries, humans have wast-
Never packed a box, fixed a leak, repaired “What good is this going to do me?” ed countless hours trying to woo and
a tear, or patched a lung? Do you expect Ingrate. After all the neat stuff we’ve seduce other humans. Why do we say
us to believe that you have never had to shown you. All right, let us spell it out for “wasted?” Because they could have saved
staunch the bleeding of your comrades in you. Not even the most dedicated customs themselves a lot of trouble with the Love
a muddy rain-soaked trench near the official in the universe is going to want to Ray. This handy, pistol-shaped device is
Ardennes? inspect something claiming to be haggis. compact, portable, and–best of all–envi-
Amazing. What is this generation com- Nor is he likely to want to confiscate it ronmentally friendly. The Love Ray har-
ing to? and thus have to be in contact with the nesses safe, clean orgone energy to beam
Duct Tape gives a +2 to repair-based container. So that can is going to get the tender affection and/or burning desire
rolls. When used to staunch bleeding, it shortest inspection in the history of cus- into the heart of your intended. Simply
gives a +2 modifier to any character tom services. Heck, even the luggage is take aim and fire! Now that special some-
making a Body roll to stay alive. going to get short shrift, particularly if one will have eyes only for you. The Love
you exclaim “Whoops, looks like one Ray is even adjustable–its settings
leaked” as you open the bag for the fellow. include “Attraction,” “Infatuation,”
Flak Jacket Mind you, if you’re traveling through “Obsession,” “Lifelong Passion,” and
Not to be confused with the Falk Scotland, all bets on this one are off. “Orgiastic Abandon” (check your dictio-
Jacket, a medium length trench coat Canned Haggis wrappers give a +3 to nary). There are only a couple of prob-
smelling heavily of cigars. A flak jacket is appropriate concealment rolls. lems… sometimes the Love Ray wears off
an armor vest designed to stop shell frag- at inopportune times. And sometimes,
ments and shrapnel from disemboweling despite the user’s fondest wishes, the
Jet Boots
the wearer. That’s pretty much it. Nothing Love Ray doesn’t wear off at all.
really fascinating here. Sorry. According to Greek myth, a boy named The Love Ray requires the usual roll to
hit. Instead of taking damage, the target shouldn’t see: female flesh.
Rock
rolls Nerve against the Love Ray’s According to that old genius Webster To that end, Hex has scoured the globe
Number (usually a 12). A roll of 20 (not the one played by Emmanuel Lewis, for the highest quality X-Ray Glasses that
means the target is permanently affect- the other one) a rock is “1. n., a mass of 30 box tops (plus shipping and handling)
ed. A failed Nerve check means the target stony material.” What Webster doesn’t let could buy. With the aid of these spectacu-
is affected for 1d20 hours. you in on is that a rock is possibly the lar spectacles, you can see right through
Single Most Versatile Tool in Existence, clothing! You can see the bones in your
with the glaringly obvious exception of
Mr. Pookums Brand Teddy Bear hand! And, if you order the special Deluxe
duct tape (which many civilizations are
Model, you can cause radiation poisoning
Whether you are young or simply young forced to do without). With a rock, you
and reproductive disorders! A real hoot!
at heart, it’s time for you to grow can kill a man. You can build bridges.
acquainted with your loveable new plush When used in conjunction with a towel, With a successful Brain roll, the wear-
sidekick, Mr. Pookums. Mr. Pookums is the opportunities are as limitless as the er can use X-Ray Glasses to see through
more than just a teddy bear—he is your number of apocryphal Shakespeare thin, lead-free barriers, up to 1/4'' thick-
companion on life’s difficult journeys. scripts an infinite number of monkeys can ness. A character failing his Brain roll
Just look at some of his talents: 1. He lulls type up. And the best part is, rocks are will still see something, but it is only an
you to a comfortable sleep, 2. He always everywhere! Unless you end up stark optical illusion. Deluxe Model X-Ray
appreciates your fine, imaginary cuisine, naked on Uranus, odds are a rock or two Glasses allow the wearer to see through
and 3. He listens really, really well. will be handy. Just be creative, be inven- any barrier up to 6’ thick except for lead.
Mr. Pookums’ presence gives +1 in tive, be one with your rock. They are also a violation of many coun-
Nerve to young or young-at-heart PCs. Rocks can be used as melee or missile tries’ weapons bans, and should be regu-
weapons. In both cases, they give a +1 lated accordingly.
Damage Bonus.
Pocket Computer
The pocket computer is a flexible 3” x Zeus-in-a-Bottle
Towel
3” piece of cloth-textured plastic that con- Do you remember those long rainy days
tains a very powerful and compact com- Towels can save your life. They can dry of childhood, when you longed for the
puter. You simply sew the machine onto you off, whether the offending liquid in
awesome power of an ancient Greek god
your shirt sleeve, the back of your pants, question be water or life-draining Pakpak
to make everything sunny and warm
or the front of your shirt. You now have slime. You can thwart the winds of a chilly
access to your notes, applications and e- arctic desert with a towel. You can sleep again? Well now, thanks to high-energy
mail wherever you go. under one, wear one, eat off of one in dis- particle physics and the Hex Bottling
Well, okay, for e-mail you’ll need a cellu- reputable taverns, or (depending on you Company, you can, with new Zeus-in-a-
lar suspender system and bulk storage choice of partner) use one as a prophylac- Bottle! Zeus—famed in Greek lore as
platform shoes for all your documents. tic. There’s practically nothing a good ruler of all gods and master of creation—
On-board video is minimal, so you’d best towel can’t do, so we strongly suggest you is at your command. Just tell him what
tack on a 3D accelerator cummerbund pick one up. type of weather you want, then vigorously
and bow-tie MPEG decoder while you’re Warning: Don’t try to use a single towel shake the bottle until he gives in to your
at it. A DVD medallion is a must for any as body armor. Any dolt can tell you you’d demands. Place your order now, because
sort of multimedia work, and for net surf- need at least 8 towels for that. supplies are limited.
ing, you’ll need the satellite link Stetson. Eight towels give the wearer a +1 Warning: Please use responsibly. The
The battery back-up bell bottoms and armor rating. Other uses are determined Hex Company, and all of its subsidiary
flasher RAM trench coat are useful, but by the ingenuity of the bearer. GMs are companies, are exempt from liability in
not totally necessary. encouraged to let any good plan involv- the event of any devastation, madness, or
One more word of advice—don’t go ing a towel succeed.
wrath resulting from users opening and/or
with the back of the pants installation.
tampering with Zeus-in-a-Bottle.
Every time you type a message, you’ll look
X-Ray Glasses To use Zeus-in-a-Bottle, a PCs must
like you’re scratching your butt. This was
the principle downfall of the ill-fated Every boy dreams of sneaking a peek at make a Nerve check. If they succeed, they
Berkeley SmartAss™ program. the hidden treasures of his female class- control the weather. If they fail, nothing
A Pocket Computer gives a +2 to all mates. Well, maybe not the ones who real- happens. If the PC rolls a 20, Zeus breaks
attempts to retrieve information. The full ized early on that they really like hanging free and wreaks massive destruction. If
ensemble gives a +4 to computer-based out in the guys’ locker room. At any rate, the PCs purposefully open the bottle, the
rolls, and a -4 to any attempt to look many boys would like to see what every- consequences are subject to the GM’s
cool. one over the age of 30 tells them they whim.

APPENDIX SEVEN
Swingin’ On A Star: The Hero’s Journey
Below is Joseph Campbell’s outline of auction house. Temptation
the Hero’s Journey. Since we don’t feel Answering the Call Mayflowers attempt to convince Hawk to
like actually explaining what each step The Mario Brothers coerce Hawk into rob- rob the Louvre in Paris (as opposed to the
means, we’re going to list each step and bing the auction house. Louvre in Wisconsin).
give an example from a well-known work Meeting The Mentor Atonement with the Father
of fiction that follows the Hero’s Journey. Hawk and Tommy Five-Tone prepare for Hawk & Tommy escape the Mayflowers’
Since everyone and his dog has already the auction house job. HQ.
used “Star Wars,” we’re going to use The First Threshold Apotheosis
another, equally well-known and respect- Tommy and Eddie rob the auction house. Tommy, Anna, and Hawk believe
ed work: “Hudson Hawk.” If, even with the Belly of the Beast Mayflowers have been stopped, all seems
examples, you still don’t understand the Kaplan and the Candy Bars drug Hawk right with the world.
steps, buy some Joseph Campbell books and stuff him in a shipping crate. Ultimate Boon
(or type “Hero’s Journey” into a search Hawk rescues Anna at DaVinci castle.
engine).
Part Two: Initiation
Part Three: Return
Road of Trials
Part One: Call to Adventure
Robbing the freakin’ Vatican. Refusal to Return
Refusal to Call Meeting The Goddess Tommy “dies” and Hawk sticks around
Hawk tells Gates he won’t rob the Hawk’s date with Anna. hoping to get revenge.
Magical Flight
Hawk and Anna kill Mayflowers, escape
on glider..
Rescue From Without
(Not Required)
HUDSON HAWK ARCHETYPES Return Threshold
Anna assures Hawk that “her boss” is okay
Hero: Eddie “Hudson Mario Brothers, Museum Baragli, Kit Kat with their relationship.
Hawk” Hawkins Guards (Big Stan, etc.), Trickster: Butterfingers Master of Two Worlds
Mentor: Tommy Five-Tone Kaplan and the Candy Shadows: Darwin & Anna and Hawk discover Tommy is alive.
Heralds: Gates, The Mario Bars, Bunny Mayflower, Minerva Mayflower, Freedom to Live
Brothers Alfred George Kaplan “With a world saved and the secrets of
Threshold Guardians: The Shapeshifters: Anna DaVinci protected, Eddie finally got his
coffee.”—Narrator, Hudson Hawk
APPENDIX EIGHT
Solo Game Monster Cave 2: The Monster Caverns
Playing QAGS by yourself is fun and easy. 1 You find yourself in a dark cave. Say, left, go to 4. If you leave the caverns, go to
Who needs other people, anyway? Other what’s that up ahead? Oh my God—it’s a 5.
people don’t show you the respect you monster! It attacks you! 3 The monster kills and eats you. You
deserve. They laughed at you in high Fight the monster, using normal QAGS lose!
school, but you’ll show them—you’ll show rules (see appendix five for the monster’s 4 After following the tunnel for 1d20
them all! To play the QAGS solo game, you stats). If you win, go to 2. If you lose, go to feet, you notice that up ahead it widens
will need a character, some Yum Yums, and 3. into a cave. If you enter the cave, go to 1. If
a 20 sided die. Make your character 2 You defeat the monster. Give yourself you leave the caverns, go to 5.
according to the standard QAGS rules. a Yum Yum! Looking around the cave, you 5 You’ve made it safely out of Monster
Got your character made? Good. Go to 1 notice that there are tunnels to the right Caverns. You win! Give yourself 3 Yum
to start the game. and left. If you go right, go to 4. If you go Yums.
APPENDIX NINE
Stupid Maps

BRANDON STEVENS

APPENDIX TEN Dumb Tables
MORE DUMB TABLES

Need to know what happens when a PC drinks a magic potion? Wondering where the group ends up when the time machine goes out
of control? Not sure what bad guy is lurking around the corner? Roll a d20, consult the appropriate table, and your problem is solved.
DUMB TABLE 9:
RANDOM MAGICAL EFFECT TABLE
01 You die
02 You turn into a frog
03 You turn into a rampaging swamp beast
04 You forget how to dance
05 You become king of the planet Zalooga
06 Everything you touch turns to Spam™
07 You get the song “Disco Duck” by Rick Dees stuck in your head
08 You change sex
09 You change gender
10 Discuss the difference between “sex” and “gender”
11 Women find you irresistible
12 Men find you irresistible
13 Animals find you irresistible
14 You are Disco Duck, baby
15 The king of the planet Zalooga swears vengeance upon your soul
16 You summon ARARARARAR, God of FIRE and EVIL!
17 You suffer an existential crisis
18 You gain the ability to fly and shoot laser beams out of your eyes
19 Everything you eat tastes like cheese
20 You are transported to another world (roll on Random Dimensional Travel Table)
DUMB TABLE 10: FORTUNE TELLING TABLE

1-2 “Yes” 13-14 “Ask Again Later”
3-4 “No” 15-16 “It Is Certain”
4-6 “Maybe” 17-18 “Definitely Not”
7-8 “Without a Doubt” 19 Roll again
9-10 “I Can’t Tell You Now” 20 The True and Correct Answer, whatever
11-12 “Reply Hazy” that may be

DUMB TABLE 11: DUMB TABLE 12: DUMB TABLE 14:
RANDOM RANDOM TIME TRAVEL RANDOM PIZZA
DIMENSIONAL TRAVEL TABLE TOPPINGS
TABLE 01 Nowhere–the time 01 Anchovies
01 Olympus, home of machine’s controls 02 Chicken
the Greek gods short out 03 Black Olives
02 The Planet 02 Globe Theater in 04 Green Peppers
the Elizabethan era 05 Onions
Zalooga
during the debut 06 Ham
03 Alien Bar in Outer
performance of 07 Canadian Bacon
Space
Hamlet 08 Sausage
04 Earth’s North Pole 03 Limbo (outside of
05 London, England 09 Pepperoni
time entirely) 10 Extra Cheese
06 London, Kentucky 04 The front during
07 Middle Dakota 11 Mushrooms
World War II 12 Hamburger
08 Heaven 05 Aboard the Titanic 13 Extra Sauce
09 Purgatory 06 Dinosaurs! 14 Broccoli
10 Hell 07 Old West 15 Banana Peppers
11 China 08 Cyberpunk future 16 Green Olives
12 Earth’s Moon 09 Happy utopian 17 Jalapeño Peppers
13 Flatland future
18 Pineapples
14 In the Belly of a 10 Devastated post-
19 Roll Twice
Whale apocalyptic future
20 GM’s Choice
15 Wonderland 11 An alleyway in
16 Alternate Timeline Victorian London
Where the Nazis 12 An important
Won moment in a PC’s DUMB TABLE 15:
17 Oz past RANDOM TREASURE
18 Qerth12 13 Aboard a pirate
ship TABLE
19 Dinosaur Island
20 Location That’s 14 Roman Empire
01 The Holy Grail
15 Ancient Egypt
Coincidentally 02 The Maltese Falcon
16 An alternate time-
Relevant to the 03 A magical sword
line
Plot 04 A briefcase full of
17 In the crowd at “The
12
Qerth is the Hex fantasy world—a place of Ed Sullivan Show” money
noble crusaders, surly dwarves, and hearty
the night Elvis 05 Amazing Spider Man
cheesemakers. Learn more about it at #1
www.hexgames.com! debuted
18 July 4, 1776, in 06 The “obscene” C3PO
Philadelphia trading card
19 An important 07 A copy of Six String
moment in a PC’s Samurai
future 08 A case of beer
20 GM’s choice 09 A copy of Big-Uns #1
10 A pack of smokes
11 The White Album
12 $5.23 in loose
DUMB TABLE 13: RANDOM BAD GUYS TABLE change
01 Giant Radioactive 11 Zombies 13 Autographed photo
Insects 12 Gangsters of Mr. T
02 The Russian Army 13 Aliens 14 2 free movie passes
03 Spies 14 Pirates 15 “Sopranos” DVD
04 Orqs 15 Werewolves Collection
05 Highwaymen 16 Bank Robbers 16 The Principia
06 Super-Villains 17 The Kiss Army Discordia
07 Terrorists 18 Kevin Bacon 17 A magical potion
08 Cultists 19 Roll twice, combining 18 A bag of gold coins
09 Talking Gorillas results 19 Time travel gauntlets
10 Nazis 20 GM’s Choice 20 The Necronomicon

APPENDIX ELEVEN Conversion Rules
Undoubtedly, many of you have played and loved QAGS First Edition. Right now you’re probably clutching your tattered, dog-eared,
endlessly annotated and highlighted copy of the First Edition rulebook, weeping like a child and asking yourself, “Am I worthless and
outdated now, just like all these rules?”
Yes. You are. But the rules aren’t. QAGS burns eternal in the hearts of all red-blooded Americans. Now we give to you, our most
beloved children, the rules for converting your hopelessly archaic First Edition characters into the svelte format nouveau. Some players
and GMs may find themselves confounded by these alarming (but necessary) alterations. If this is the case, we suggest you introduce
these changes gradually. Before each session, roll a twenty-sided die and consult the following list. Apply the indicated change. Repeat
each time you play, integrating our newer, better system over the course of twenty sessions.
1. “Agility,” “Dexterity,” “Attractiveness,” “Strength,” “Might,” “Fortitude,” “Health,” “Steadfastness,” and “Genital Proportion” have
all been kindly merged, for your pleasure, into one convenient Number: “Body.” Just add them all together and you’ll have your Body
Number.
2. The character classes “Leper,” “Seawitch,” “Rotting Stiff,” and “Demigod” have all been eliminated. In fact, all character classes
have been eliminated. QAGS is like school on a Saturday—no class.
3. Tongs and sponges are no longer necessary to play QAGS.
4. Due to the schism between Hex Games and the Roman Catholic Church, the Pope is no longer the final arbiter in rules-related mat-
ters. Now you should just consult your GM.
5. Players are no longer required to make their own Character Sheets. You may purchase paper at finer gaming and hobby stores
everywhere. (Hex Games now produces a full line of gaming papers in assorted styles and colors.)
6. The Word “Name” has replaced the “Personal Identifier” Trait.
7. Instead of asking strangers on the street for a random number, players may now roll dice.
8. Take your double-sided Combat Control Sheets and throw them away.
9. Zeke Time has been eliminated.
10. Characters are now permitted to have personalities. This should alleviate the need for your Random Character Action Cards.
11. All post-graduate Calculus has been eliminated. (Our apologies to those of you who purchased scientific calculators.)
12. The Foreign Language Rule has been deleted--you may now fill out your character sheet in just one language, even if it is English.
13. We have added Tag Lines. To determine your character’s Tag Line, think of a cool quote they would say. Or flip through a dictio-
nary, find some random words, and string them together in the form of a sentence. Remember, a good sentence has both a subject and a
predicate. Make sure they are in agreement.
14. We now use Arabic numerals rather than Roman (see #4).
15. The Encumbrance rules have changed. Encumbrance is no longer calculated by having the player carry objects which simulate
approximate weights of equipment carried by their characters. You may now guess.
16. Smarties™ are now the preferred Yum Yums of choice, because they are easier to acquire than those elusive vials of crack
cocaine.
17. Acts of bestiality (especially chicken-fuckin’) are now officially frowned upon by Hex Games.
18. We no longer forbid Gamemasters to accept sexual favors from players, though we do not explicitly condone such activity.
19. In the interest of game balance, elf characters no longer receive the following Special Abilities: Stealth, Enhanced Perception,
Magic Resistance, Combat Bonuses, Walk on Water, Slam-Dance, Precognition, Enhanced Telepathy, Topiary, Omni-Lingual,
Invulnerability, Transmute Lead into Gold, Time Travel, and Create Matter from Void. They are still, however, required to take the “GM
Hates You” Weakness.
20. WARNING: Playing QAGS has been officially declared a mortal sin (see #4).
Glossary of Abbreviations
ACA – American Crimefighters’ HEMP – Heroic Ensemble of Metahuman RFTHOI – Rolling For The Hell Of It
Association People RPG – Role-playing Game
BNSA – Bramd New Stupid Acronyms HP – Health Points WWPHITM? – Who Would Play Him/Her In
CFU – Cruel Forces of the Universe OFN – On Fire Number The Movie?
D20 – A 20-sided die PC – Player Character YY – Yum Yums
GM – Gamemaster QAGS – Quick Ass Game System
GMC – Gamemaster Character RAAD – Running Around Acting Dumb
GUFT – Getting Up From the Table RAF – Random Acts of Fate

QAgS 2nd edition
Body Name
character sheet Skills
Brain Character Concept/Archetype
Nerve Job
H.P. Gimmick
Yum Yums Weakness
Tag Line: WWPHITM?

Dumb Fact:
Qik Start Rules Notes & Stuff
1) Roll a d20 and divide
by 2. Add 6 to the
result.
2) Repeat 4 more times.
3) Assign the Numbers
to Body, Brain, Nerve,
Job, and Gimmick.
4) Your Weakness Num-
ber equals your
Gimmick Number.
5) Choose 3 skills. Give
one a +3 Skill Bonus,
one a +2, and one a
+1.
6) Health Points are
equal to your Body
Number.
7) Roll a d20 and divide
by 5. Thats how
many Yum Yums you
start with.
©2003 Hex Games. Permission to photocopy for personal use.

QAgS 2nd edition
Name advanced character sheet

Personal Information
Full Name: Race (optional):
Height: Weight:
Alias/Nickname:
Hair: Eyes:
Street Address:
Scars, Tattoos, etc:
City: State: Zip:
Years at current address: Date of Birth:

Home Phone Number: ( ) Zodiac Sign:
Religion:
Work Phone Number: ( )
Sex: Gender:
Pager/Cell Number: ( ) Sexual Preference (optional):
Email Address: Social Security Number:
Web Site: Mothers Maiden Name:
Educational Background
Name of School Graduation Date Degree GPA
Elementary:
Middle School:
High School:
College:
Post-Graduate:
Vocational/Trade
School:
Other:
Military Service
Branch of Service: Rank:
Dates of Service: Discharge Status:
Awards and Achievements
List any rewards or other forms of special recognition you have received.

QAgS 2nd edition

Previous Work Experience
Employer: Dates of Employment:
Job Title: Supervisor: Salary:
Description of Duties:
Reason for Leaving:

Reason for Leaving:

Reason for Leaving:

Skills & Knowledge
Do you have a valid drivers license? (If you have a commercial license, please
provide details) yes no commercial license:
Typing Speed: Shorthand Speed:
Languages Spoken:
Please list computer applications or special equipment that you are proficient in
using:
If you have any other special skills, licenses, or certifications, please list them here:
Criminal History
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? yes no
If you answered yes, please provide complete details.

QAgS 2nd edition

Medical Information
Personal Physician: Phone: Blood Type:
Next of Kin: Phone: Smoker: yes no
Health Insurance Provider: Known Allergies:
Existing Medical Conditions:
Medical History (Heart Attacks, Diabetes, Cancer, etc.)
Medications Taken:
Does anyone in your family have a history of cancer,
diabetes, heart attacks, asthma, etc.?
Contacts, Allies, Relatives, Pets, Enemies, Lovers, and Attorneys

Name: Relationship with character:
Profession: Where can he/she be found?
Notes (Special Skills, Resources, Hourly Rates, etc):




QAgS 2nd edition

Wealth
Cash on Hand: Checking Account Balance:
Credit Card Limit (Total): Savings Account Balance:
Stock Portfolio Value: Piggy Bank Balance:
Other Valuables (Jewels, Savings Bonds, Stereo Equipment, etc.):
Real Estate Holdings (Houses, Property, Crime Caves, etc.):
Equipment
Vehicles Owned (Cars, Boats, Zeppelins, etc): Misc. Equipment:
Weapons:
Magical Items/Scientific Marvels:
Other Resources & Liabilities

Debts Due, Favors Owed, Dirty Laundry, Street Cred, etc.

QAgS 2nd edition

Character Background/Origin Story
Notes
Essay Questions
1. Explain, in 50 words or less, what you can add to your PC party.
2. Discuss the difference between sex and gender.

QAgS 2nd edition
holy shit I gotta run a game! worksheet

Name
What genre do I want to use? Here are some movies
I can rip off:
How serious is the game going to be?
Heres some kind of vague idea of the plot:
How the fuck do I get the characters involved in that plot?

Which of this stuff do I
want to use?
(circle all that apply)
Heres a good way to get the characters naked and on fire:
GMCs:
Nazis Ninjas
Monsters Pirates
Who can attack the characters if things get boring? Gangsters Spies
Aliens Cultists
Talking Monkeys
Heres an idea Ive always wanted to use. Maybe tonights Mad Scientists
the night: Special Guest Stars
Elvis Impersonators
What will happen if the characters save the day? EVENTS:

Gunfight Robbery
Kidnapping Brawl
What will happen if the characters get their asses kicked? Car Chase Murder
Mystical Convergence
Here are some GMCs Ill need. Ill figure out the details any STUFF:
minute now: Zeppelin
Cathedralpult
Giant Robot
Big Pile of Gold
Blasphemous Tome
Time Machine
Spaceship
Magic Cheese
Drugs
Occult Artifact
Compromising Photos

QAgS 2nd edition
Name Adventure worksheet

General Information Conflict
Genre: What is the central
conflict of the story?
Setting/Ficton:
Theme(s): Who or what is driving

General Information the conflict?
Plot
Beginning: Why?
When and where will the opening scene take place?
How will the PCs become involved?

How?
Middle:
Besides the PCs and the primary antagonist(s), what other
characters are likely to become involved? How and why?
Timetable of Events
Where is the action of the story likely to take place?
What can you do to build tension/ keep the plot moving?
What are some possible ways of resolving the conflict?
What resources are available to the PCs?
End:
What happens if the PCs succeed?
If they fail?

QAgS 2nd edition
Name
Campaign worksheet
General Information Characters
Genre: How many Yum Yums
will players get for
Setting: character creation?
Theme(s):
General Information Character creation
requirements and
Ficton Rules restrictions:
Characters:
Magic/Supernatural:
Why do the characters

Technology: work together?
Realism:
Recurring GMCs
Drama:
Trademarks:
Stories
What is the overall storyline of the campaign?
What types of individual stories are likely? Locations
What subplots do you plan to introduce?
How do you envision the campaign ending?

QAgS 2nd edition
Name
gmc worksheet
Name:
Body H.P. How are the PCs likely to meet this character?
Brain Yum Yums What is the characters role in the story?

General Information
Is the character secretly a major villain?
Nerve WWPHITM? Where does the character spend his/her time?
What does the character do for a living?

Job(s):
What are the characters hobbies and insterests?
Gimmick(s):
What are the characters goals?
Weakness(es):
What does the character value in life?
Skills: Are you sure s/hes not secretly a major villain?
How is the character likely to feel about the PCs?
Tag Line: Does the character have any useful information or

resources?
Dumb Fact:
Notes:
What are some of the characters interesting quirks?
Are you absolutely, positively sure that the character is

not secretly a major villain?

QAgS 2nd edition
Name Vocabulary Worksheet

Fill in the blanks using the following words:
myriad Gimmick self portraits candy

monkey naked Graceland chainsaw
internet cheese conventions bisexual
hero Knomes cathedralpult gaming
1. The QAGS system offers a of possible character concepts.
2. The best characters are often and on fire.
3. Members of the Hex demo team are called .
4. The is a good place to find porn.
5. Marcon and Archon are two of Hexs favorite .
6. is essential to a good fondue party.
7. Launch the !
8. B.J. and the Bear was a popular TV show about a man and his .
9. The Flash is a comic book with the power of super speed.
10. I need to cut some firewood. Can I borrow your ?
11. is located in Memphis, Tennessee.
12. The Death Cookie is a great online magazine.
13. My characters is Pinball Wizard.
14. The target audience for QAGS consists of cheerleaders.
15. Gary Bedell is rather fond of drawing .
16. Never take from strangers.
Extra Credit: What does RAAD stand for?

QAgS 2nd edition
Name
PC aptitude worksheet
Experienced QAGS players have no problem creating an interesting, engaging character at a moments notice.
Still, even the best players occasionally have trouble coming up with a character, and those new to role-playing
may find the entire process bewildering. This worksheet helps players determine what character type theyre best
suited for.
My character would like to: My characters motto is: The most rewarding thing to me is:
a. Make his dramatic entrance a. Nip it in the bud. a. A good laugh
without falling down (for a b. With great power comes great b. A job well done
change) responsibility. c. Doing the right thing
b. Eat at a fancy restaurant c. Good always triumphs over evil. d. Winning
c. Save the world d. Never give up the fight. e. Revenge
d. Smite infidels e. If you ask me to go into the Black f. Good sex
e. Brood Forest and slay the dragon, and I
f. Hang out at the mall do it, who are you to question My character most wants:
my methods? a. Respect
People would describe my charac- f. Go Team! b. Security
ter as: c. World peace
a. Wacky My favorite movie is: d. Victory
b. Homebody a. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas e. Power
c. Saintly b. Die Hard f. A State Championship
d. Determined c. Star Wars
e. Moody d. The People vs. Larry Flynt My character believes enemies are:
f. Sexy e. Heathers a. No fun
f. But Im a Cheerleader b. Scary
My favorite comic book character c. Misguided
is: The literary figure I most admire is: d. Godless scum
a. The Tick a. Baron Munchausen e. Fun to kill
b. Spider-Man b. Frodo Baggins f. Kinda cute
c. Superman c. Parcivale
d. Batman d. Romeo
e. The Punisher e. Hamlet
f. Wonder Woman f. Artemis
Scoring:
For each question you answered with an a, give yourself 1 point; 2 points for each b; 3 for every c; 4 for each d; 5
for an e; and 6 for each f. Then look up your total below to find out what type of character you should play.
13 or less: Saving the worlds all white hats. You think that heroes sorry, we meant to say explore the
well and good, but deep down should be heroic. Flaws and prob- depths of human misery. After the
youd rather tell knock-knock jokes. lems are for common folk. In other game, maybe you should try to go
You should play a Comic Anti-Hero. words, you should play a Champion. out and have a good time, or even
see a shrink. Whaddaya say?
14-22: You enjoy pretending to kill 32-40: Whether youre an aging
dragons and stuff, but realize that hippie, an evangelical Christian, or 50+: You want to play a bisexual
your character would have to be just a member of the Green Party, cheerleader, dont you? Hey,
some kind of sociopath to really you believe in something, and you nothing wrong with thatin fact, we
enjoy doing these sorts of things. want to bring that kind of belief to love the idea. The only trouble will
Youll want to play a Reluctant role-playing. You should play a be finding other gamers with similar
Herothe guy who does what has Crusader. interests. Of course, if you happen
to be done, but isnt insane enough to actually be a bisexual cheer-
to actually enjoy risking life and limb 41-49: You like to wear lots of black, leader, the Hex staff would love to
day in and day out. huh Sparky? Youre probably also a role-play with you (and maybe a
big fan of dark fantasy, Anne Rice couple of your friends) sometime.
23-31: Youre probably a big fan novels, and self-mutilation. Looks like Feel free to contact us. Be sure to
of space opera, high fantasy, and youre all set to play the brooding, include a photo.
westerns where the good guys wear angsty Tragic Anti-Hero. Have fun. Oh,

ALSO AVAILABLE FROM
HEX GAMES
M-Force
Monsters are a problem. They rampage through cities. They infiltrate human society. They bathe in the blood of virgins under the
light of the full moon. If you’re ready to do something about it, join M-Force, the 21st century’s premier monster-hunting organization.
The M-Force role-playing game includes detailed information about the organization’s history, its structure, and its mission to defend
humanity from the horrors that lurk in the shadows. The Gamemastering section and appendices include ideas for hundreds of game
sessions. All in a big, lavishly illustrated package.
Spooky: The Definitive Guide to Horror Gaming

Dread. Shock. Terror. Player characters rarely experience these emotions. And why should they? They’re warriors with hyper-intelli-
gent battle axes. They’re commanders of starships. They’re ancient vampires, with dozens of magical powers. Most player characters are
stable, healthy, and secure. But what’s the fun in that?
Spooky tells how to bring the thrill of a great horror story into your games. For players, there are popular character types, useful PC
traits, and tips on working with your gamemaster. For GMs, there is a wealth of information on every aspect of horror gaming. Spooky
tells how to run horror in a variety of ways, from dramatic to action-packed to campy. It explains how to introduce a note of terror into
an existing campaign, or for the adventurous, how to create an entire horror campaign from the ground up. Most importantly, it tells
how to create a genuinely spooky atmosphere for players and characters alike. Game mechanics are givin using QAGS, but the informa-
tion in Spooky can easily be tailored to any system.
M-Force and Spooky are available at finer game stores everywhere. If your local game store doesn’t carry Hex products, you can order
directly from Hex at www.hexgames.com.
VISIT HEX ONLINE

The mighty media empire that is Hex Games currently operates three separate webpages:
Hex Games
www.hexgames.com
Are you sick and miserable now that you’ve finished reading QAGS? Do you wish it could just keep going somehow? There is an
answer to your problem. Visit the Hex Games page to find scads of gaming tips, free sample adventures (like Deep Space Rescue), sam-
ple characters, the history of Hex Games, the Hex convention schedule, product listings, and breaking news. Best of all, you can learn
how to become a Knome!
The Death Cookie

www.deathcookie.com
Find out why The Death Cookie is America’s favorite gaming and fringe culture magazine. This magazine features articles on gaming,
essays on modern culture, reviews, comic strips, interviews, and more.
M-Force
www.mforcer.com
Curious what all the talk is about? Visit the official homepage of M-Force for an overview of the 21st century’s premier monster-hunt-
ing organization. In addition to excerpts from the main rulebook, you’ll find news updates, case profiles, and, of course, monsters.

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Steven Thum (order #1779505) 9

QAGS the quick ass game system

Hex Entertainment • Lexington, KY

Steven Thum (order #1779505) 9

Back Cover Coloring by Cartography by

Playtesting, QAGS Shakespearean Tragedy by

Visit www.hexgames.com and www.deathcookie.com for more fun!

Steven Thum (order #1779505) 9

Steven Thum (order #1779505) 9

Steven Thum (order #1779505) 9

No, Seriously, What Is Role-Playing?

QAGS SECOND EDITION 5

6 QAGS SECOND EDITION

QAGS SECOND EDITION 7

8 QAGS SECOND EDITION

S ome role-players like sweeping sword-

PCS AND GMCS

QAG S SECOND EDITION 9

The Yum Yum Character

10 QAGS SECOND EDITION

Body, Brain, and Nerve

environment and surroundings. If a char-

QAGS SECOND EDITION 11

QAGS SECOND EDITION 13

ASSIGNMENT SYSTEM (ANAS) often the Gimmick or Weakness comes

CHARACTER CREATION COSTS

QAGS SECOND EDITION 15

A Note about the

16 QAGS SECOND EDITION

QAGS SECOND EDITION 17

Luke: That doesn’t sound too—

18 QAGS SECOND EDITION

QAGS SECOND EDITION 19

Y ou may have noticed that most good

Quirky Success: When a character

22 QAGS SECOND EDITION

QAGS SECOND EDITION 23

I n an ideal world, all conflicts would be

Who Goes First?

pistol and another is attacking with a

Area Attacks age by 3 points.

26 QAGS SECOND EDITION

DUMB TABLE 6: HEALING

QAGS SECOND EDITION 27

28 QAGS SECOND EDITION

Jesse: New round. What’s everyone Bubba: I rolled a 14!

QAGS SECOND EDITION 29

R emember that candy we told you to buy

the character sheet is—as the character

QAGS SECOND EDITION 33

Sample of Play Theater

34 QAGS SECOND EDITION

QAGS SECOND EDITION 35

36 QAGS SECOND EDITION

W ord on the street is that good role-

QAGS SECOND EDITION 37

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QAGS SECOND EDITION 41