Beauty From Pain

When there’s no line between pleasure and pain…

Some chapters (3, 4, 12, 26) are password protected due to sensitive
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Chapter Thirty Seven- bfp37
Prologue
My body shook to the point where it ached. I felt numb all over. Nothing
felt real anymore. How I didn’t want it to be real. The cold wind brushed
against my body when the door opened. I had not a single piece of
clothing on my body. There was only the blindfold that covered my eyes
and a rope that bound both my wrists together.
Warm hands wrapped around my waist. I flinched. I feel disgusting
everytime they touch me. Ayaw kong hinahawakan nila ako. They made me do
disgusting things. They hurt me.
The hand guided me down the sudden drop. I was now out of the car I was
in. Even if I couldn’t see anything, I knew I had been in a car. He tied
my hands and drove for hours and hours before I heard the engine stop.
Tears began to drip from my eyes, dampening the cloth that covered my
eyes. The soles of my feet touched something wet and sticky. Mud?
I was held captive for days. Tied, used, and tortured repeatedly. And I
never even saw their faces.
Was he going to kill me now? Was this the place where he was going to
bury my body?
He placed me in front of him and we walked while he held me by my
shoulders. Then we stopped. I heard the clicking of something behind me.
It was a gun. I knew because I’d been in a shooting range with my Dad.
More tears streamed down my face. Hindi na ako natatakot mamatay. They’d
done things to me worse than death. I remember begging for them to just
kill me, to just end it all. I felt relieved now, soon I’d be out of my
misery.
I thought of my family. My Mom and Dad, my siblings. There were so many
things I regretted. Sana niyakap ko si Mommy at Daddy bago ako umalis. I
wished I could have hugged them more. I wished I could have said I love
you more. Sana nakinig ako sa kanila.
Madaming sana ang tumatakbo sa utak ko pero huli na ang lahat.
I felt warm breath breathing in and out behind my ear. “Takbo.”
His voice was deep and throaty. Suddenly, my heart stopped beating.
“Tumakbo ka at huwag na huwag kang titigil. Kapag nahuli kita babarilin
kita.” He warned and then fired a shot. Napaigti dahil sa gulat ng
marinig ko ang putok ng baril. “TAKBO!”
Adrenaline kicked in. My legs began to move. I ran. Hindi ko na inisip
kung saan ako pupunta. Gusto ko lang makatakas. Gusto kong makawala. I
ran even though I couldn’t see where I was going. I ran as fast as I
could. I ran and I ran until I could no longer feel my legs. I lost track
of time. I could be running for hours and I wouldn’t know. I just wanted
to get away from the monsters who had hurt me. And so I ran even faster.
Exhaustion chased after me and it caught up. My legs gave in and I
blacked out.
Hingal na hingal na napaupo ako sa kama. My heart was beating a thousand
miles per minute, even though it was cold I could feel beads of sweats on
my forehead, my body shook like a leaf.
“It was just a dream. Calm down.” I tried to soothe myself with those
words.
I hugged my folded knees against my chest and rocked back and forth. It
was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. They can’t
get you now.
But no matter how hard I tried to comfort myself I still ended up crying.
I buried my face into my knees and cried as horrible memories began to
assault me again. I took shallow breaths as fear choked my throat. It
made me want to crawl out of my skin. I felt dirty and disgusting.
I was found in the middle of a plantation by a farmer and his wife, still
blindfolded and my hands tied together. Dinala nila ako sa bahay nila at
dinamitan. When I regained my consciousness, they helped me contact my
parents. Dad cried angry tears when he found out about what happened to
me, he swore he’d kill whoever did those horrible things to me. Mom broke
down. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga mukha nila at ng mga kapatid ko
habang nakatitig sa akin. There was nothing in their eyes but sadness,
pity, and anger. Sinubukan nilang hanapin kung sino ang gumawa nito sa
akin. But it was done so flawlessly. They found no clue, no trace, no
witnesses.
I rocked myself back and forth over and over. Sana pinatay na lang nila.
This was worse than death. Paulit-ulit bumabalik sa isip ko ang
kahayupang ginawa nila sa akin. Sometimes I just want to hit my head on
the wall really hard, hoping I’d forget all these. I didn’t want to
remember anymore but some memories are stronger than what we want.
Chapter One
“Hey, sweety. Fall is already starting there. I’m sure it’s getting
colder now. Magsuot ka ng makapal na coat, okay? I don’t want you to get
sick. Always keep your door and windows locked. Saka huwag kang masyadong
magpapagod sa trabaho. If you need anything, call us. Your Dad, siblings
and I miss you so much.” It was a voice message from Mom.
I sighed heavily and pressed the button to make it stop before the next
message played. I’d been living in California for the past four years
now. Bumibisita naman sina Mama at Daddy dito, they visit almost every
two months. Minsan pati yung mga kapatid ko. I miss home but I couldn’t
get myself to set foot in the Philippines. Mas mabuting dito na lang ako.
Hindi ko kayang tumapak doon na alam kong hanggang ngayon malay pa rin
ang gumawa sa akin ng kahayupang iyon. Mom and Dad never quit. Hanggang
ngayon hinahanap pa din nila ang dumukot at gumahasa sa akin. Dad swore
he would never stop until he finds them.I went to the bathroom and took
my clothes off. Much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t help but lower my
gaze and touched the scar embedded on my left breast. I was branded like
a farmyard animal and no amount of skin laser therapy could ever remove
this. I went into the shower when I realized that I was going to be late
for work. I worked as a librarian at a local public library just a few
miles away from my house. I overstayed in bed again so now I had to rush.
I wore a red cashmere sweater, a black skirt, dark stocking underneath
it, and a pair of brown leather boots. I grabbed my keys and made sure
all my windows and doors were locked before heading to my car. I started
my car and drove to our local library.
“Good morning, Mrs. Keri.” I greeted the old woman with a smile as I
walked in, Ms. Keri was the head librarian for over three decades now.
She was at her workspace, busy sorting out the returned books.
“Good morning, darling. How’s the weather outside?” She gave me a sweet
smile. She had genuine love for her work, she wouldn’t last this long if
she didn’t. This old dusty library had been my life for the past years
I’d been here. This may seem like a boring job but I’d rather deal with
books than people. This place gave me the quiet I needed.
“Getting colder.” I took off my brown coat and hang it on the rack. It
was nice and warm in here.
“Good thing it doesn’t snow in California. But my God, have you seen the
trees? Mother nature has outdone herself this season.” Her voice even
though raspy from smoking cigarettes, was cheery and welcoming as always.
“I’m going to put these books away.” I said, pushing one of the two book
carts full of, well, books.
“Hold on there, darling.” She said before I could even take my second
step. She closed the book in front of her and stack it up along with the
books she’d already scanned. “If I were to set you up on a date with my
sweet nephew, what would you say?”
“No, thank you.” I politely answered.
“My nephew’s name is Edward. He’s a smart young man, very kind and
polite. He’s always clean and well-groomed. Give yourself a chance to get
to know him. I’m sure you’ll like him.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to meet anyone yet.” I shrugged.
“Oh, darling.” She exaggeratedly put her hand to her forehead just like
in those old hollywood films. “What are you doing? Wasting your pretty
face on this old, smelly library? I’ve never heard you talk about any guy
in all the time we’ve worked together.”
“There haven’t been any.” My eyes lowered. “Dating is not my priority
right now.”
“If I could bring back my youth and look as pretty as you, I’d be dating
left and right by now.” She shook her head, looking disappointed. “Would
Saturday be good?”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Keri. I have an appointment on
Saturday.”
I meet with my therapist every Saturday. Cindy had helped me recover from
the trauma of what had happened to me. I used to get really vivid
flashbacks before. It was like watching a film of the assault, it felt
like reliving it again and again. It was hard at first but having someone
to talk about it was a big help. Over time, the flashbacks lessened and I
started to live normally again but to this day it still sometimes visits
me in my dreams.
“If only we could switch bodies.” She sighed deeply.
Yeah, if only. I didn’t want to be stuck in this body anymore. I hate
what had been done to it, I hate what it remembers, I hate what it let
them do…
I shook my head, trying to push the thought away. I sorted the books out,
putting them back in their proper shelves. This helps me keep my mind off
of things that I shouldn’t think about. I just had to make sure the books
should be in the genre they belong, the titles in alphabetical order.
That’s all I needed to think about.
“Excuse me.” I heard a deep voice from behind me with a tap on my
shoulder. Startled, the book I was holding flew out of my hand. It was
followed by a manly chuckle.
I frowned turning to face him. “Did you need any help?”
“No, I need a doctor.” He flashed a playful smile, revealing his pearly
white teeth. He was hot. Hollywood A-list kind of hot. He had dark and
mysterious aura about him. I didn’t know, maybe it was because of his
dark, silky but messy hair or was it his eyes? They were the darkest eyes
I had ever seen, it was almost vantablack. Vantablack is the darkest
material ever made and looking at his eyes made me feel like I’d been
sucked into a black hole. “Of course, I need help.”
This was the first time I had ever seen him in my two years working in
this library. I knew almost everyone who comes in and out of here. I’d
been friends with most of them.
“Hello, earth to librarian.” He waved his hand in front of me. His words
finally sunk into me and I blinked.
“What do you need?” I rested my hand on my hip, showing him a little
hostility.
“A book.” He said with a smug smile.
“Yes, but what type of book do you need?” I rolled my eyes.
“Sorry, you weren’t being specific.” He let out a delicious chuckle.
“You were the one who came up to me and asked for help.” My frown grew
deeper and then said under my breath, “Gwapo nga, antipatiko naman.”
“Salamat. Harsh judgement but still, I’m flattered.”
My eyes snapped up at him and then they widened. My jaw dropped open.
Nakakaintindi siya ng tagalog? He did not exactly look caucasian but he
didn’t look like what a typical Filipino would look like. He looked
hispanic with his well-defined jawline, his sharp nose narrow and boldly
arrogant.
“Kabayan.” He sneered.
Nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko at tumalikod ako. I didn’t want him to
see me blush.
“I’m quite busy. Ano bang kailangan mo?”
“Saan ba dito ang psychology section. Sorry, this is the first time I’ve
ever been here. I still haven’t moved my books from my old house. I just
moved into a new home a couple of days ago.” He said.
“The last aisle to the left. That’s where all the psychology books are.”
I answered in an even tone, trying to send him the message that I wasn’t
interested in talking to him.
“Okay, thanks. See you around.” He said and then walked away.
I let out a deep breath it was as though I’d held it the whole time. Muli
kong binalik ang atensyon ko sa mga libro.
“Bye, darling. I’ll see you on Monday.” Mrs. Keri waved her hand at me
and I answered with a smile. I put the last of the book on the book cart
and got ready to go home. My mind battled whether to stop by at Papa
John’s to grab a quick dinner or should I just drop by at Safeway to do
my grocery shopping. I grabbed my coat and hoisted my bag on my shoulder.
I made sure I’d locked the library before getting out.
Kailangan ko pang umikot sa likod ng library dahil nandoon naka-park ang
kotse ko. Post lights lit up the outside of the library. I began to walk
to the parking lot. But I felt something off as I was walking. My shoes
clicked clicked on the pavement but I could hear another footsteps
behind. I looked down and saw a shadow behind mine. I began to pick up my
pace, my fast walk became slow jog. My heart slammed rapidly against my
ribs. Nakita kong humabol din sa akin ang aninong nasa likod ko.
I dipped my shaky hand inside my purse and grabbed my can of pepperspray.
I would not let it happen again. No…
The shadow was getting closer to me. I turned around and aimed the
pepperspray to whoever it was. Just then a large hand grabbed mine,
immobilizing them in a firm grasp. I took a sharp inhale when my
pepperspray dropped to the ground, taking away the control I felt like I
had at that time.
“Let me go!” I screamed. I had attended a bunch of self-defense and
martial arts class. I tried to kick him but he managed to block me off.
Nadulas ako sa sahig at nahulag ang malaking katawan sa ibabaw ko.
“Noo…” I silently said when I felt the heavy weight on me.
‘Patayin mo na ako, demonyo ka! Patayin mo na lang ako. Just end this!’ I
screamed over and over as he took me. My hands were tied above my head. I
tried to pry my hands off the rope but the more I pull, the more it
tightened around my wrists. The callous hand opened my legs wider and he
thrust deeper and harder into me. I screamed in pain. My insides were
already sore and raw but he still wouldn’t stop.
“No! No! No! Get off me! Get off me!” I punched and pushed the body on
top of me and crawled away, hugging myself as I trembled. Mariin kong
ipinikit ang mga mata ko at pilit pinalis sa isip ko ang pangyayaring
iyon.
“Hey… hey… it’s me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” The voice
gently said. I looked up and saw his face. Still dark but there was now
it had a soft and gentle streak. His hand reached up to touch my face but
I quickly slapped it before it even came in contact with my skin.
“Get away from me!”
“I thought you were going to shoot me with a gun. I’m sorry.” He
explained.
“Bakit mo ba ako sinusundan?” Galit na sabi ko.
“You locked me in the library.” He huffed. I stood up and dusted my
skirt. Tumayo din siya. He easily towered me as he was tall and big.
“Bakit hindi ka man lang nagsalita?”
“The lights suddenly went off. Nasa pinakadulong aisle ako. How was I
supposed to know?” He brushed his fingers through his midnight dark hair.
“Eh bakit sinusundan mo ako?” My eyes narrowed at him.
“Hindi kita sinusundan. Dito naka park ang kotse ko.” He shook his head.
“I’m Callum.”
He held his hand out to me.
I looked down at it but I didn’t take it. “Okay.”
“Okay?” His brows raised in amusement. “You’re really friendly.”
I gave him a sarcastic smile.
“So, are you going to tell me what your name is?”
“My name is none of your business.” I said and walked to my car.
Chapter Two
“Cindy, don’t do this to me.” I groaned. My therapist of four years told
me she was going to move to New York. She already told this to me two
weeks ago but it just finally sunk into me when she told me today that
she won’t be seeing me anymore next weekend.
“I’m sorry, Drey. I have to. I can’t pass up this opportunity. My
boyfriend and I have been planning for a long time to move to New York.
Don’t worry, I found a good therapist for you.” She said as she put her
things in the box. Her bookshelves were now empty, her table was empty,
this room was empty now. She wasn’t supposed to see any patients today as
she was packing her things but I was here not as a patient but a good
friend. She’d been my therapist for three years and I didn’t know how I’d
do without her around anymore.
“But I only want you.” I pouted.
“I’m sure you’ll like your new therapist. He’s warm, friendly, and kind
of funny. I’ve spoken to him and liked him instantly and you know I don’t
like a lot of people.” She let out a wide smile.
“Wait- what? HE?!” Surprised, I got up from the armchair I was sitting
on. A guy therapist?
Cindy nibbled on her lower lip. “Drey, we’ve been going over this for
years now. You need to get over your fear of men.”
“I’m not scared of men. I’m just… just not comfortable around them.” I
said, hugging myself and rubbing my arms. “I don’t think I can see a guy
therapist.”
“But you need to.” She rested her hand on my shoulder and rubbed it,
trying to give me comfort. “Think of this as one of our cognitive
behavioral therapy. This might be a way for you to get over your fear or
you being uncomfortable around men. You can’t live like this. You’re not
just my patient, you’re my friend. You’re one of the nicest, sweetest
people I’ve known and you didn’t deserve what happened to you. I want you
to take your life back.”
“Thanks, Cindy.” I said, getting kind of teary-eyed.
“Will you try, Drey? Please?” She gave me a soft look.
I smiled and nodded my head.
“Thank you.” She said. “If things doesn’t work out with you and your new
therapist you could switch to a new one. But right now I want you to try.
“We said our goodbye and hugged each other and wished each other good
luck. She said if I needed anything I could always call her, not as a
patient though but as a friend. I helped her pack her things and carry it
to her car. She told me I could visit her when I go to New York. We
hugged each other again.
“I hope when we see each other again, you already have a boyfriend.” She
said when we pulled away.
I laughed. I’d surely miss her. Meetings with her were so easy. It wasn’t
a clinical patient-therapist interaction. With her, I felt like I was
just talking with my girlfriend. She had been the only close friend I had
since I moved to California.

“Hey, none of your business.” A deep, manly voice made my head snap up. I
looked at the pair of dark eyes in front of me, they were so
hypnotizingly black. I was sitting in front of the bookshelves, putting
the books on the bottom shelf.
“What do you want?” I averted my attention back to the books.
“I think this is yours.” He handed me my can of pepper spray, the one I
dropped when I thought he was following me and I tried to spray it on
him.
“It’s rude to sneak on people like that! Don’t do that again!” My hand
reached up to snatch the can from his hand but our hands touched. It was
so warm and for some stupid reason, my cheeks heated up. I quickly pulled
away from the hold and lowered my head, avoiding his eyes.
“I wasn’t sneaking on you.” Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I could
hear the eye rolling in his voice. “Why would I do that? Mukha ba kong
stalker?
“Stalker, no. But he looked dangerous, like sin personified. I shrugged.
All men are dangerous to me. They’re never truly harmless. The only men I
could trust were men in my family.
“I am working here. Pwede bang huwag mo akong kausapin, nagugulo ako.”
“Do you need help?”
“No, I’ve been doing this for years. I can handle this myself just fine.”
I shrugged, trying to keep my voice as cold and uninterested as I could.
“If you don’t have anything else to say, you can go down. I have alot of
things I need to get done.”
“I think we got on the wrong foot so let me reintroducing myself to you.”
He sat down on the floor next to me. ” You already know my name, I’m
Callum. I live just a few blocks away from here. I’m originally from
Maryland. Baltimore, to be precise but I decided to move to San Francisco
because why not? I work out four times a week. I hate doing squats and I
love jogging in the morning. I like my sandwich without crust and my
drinks with little ice. I tried In-N-out a couple of days ago, we don’t
have that in east coast, pretty good I must say. I liked it. I’ve been
exploring the town and trying go get to know my new neighbors, trying to
make new friends.”
“Good luck.” I said, sounding frosty and uninterested as possible. I
tried to focus my attention on the box of books in front of me as he
spoke.
“Damn! You are one tough cookie to crack.” He shook his head.
I quietly picked up the box and stood up. I turned away from him. He
seemed like a likeable guy. He looked intimidating at first but then he
opened his mouth. It actually surprised me how chatty he was. Wala kasi
sa itsura niya.
“None of your business!” He called but I ignored him. Sumunod siya sa
akin and he easily caught up with me. “Ba’t ba ang sungit mo?”
“Will you leave me alone? I’m working here.” I sighed, picking up my
pace.
“Tayo na nga lang ang magkababayan dito, sinusungitan mo pa ako. Whatever
happened to your bayanihan spirit?”
I stopped in front of the children’s book shelves and started arranging
the books. “I don’t have that. Sorry. I just want to be left alone, thank
you very much.”
“You’re really playing that uptight spinster librarian stereotype really
good.” He nodded his head, looking at me intently. It made me extremely
uncomfortable. “I wonder if there’s a sexy librarian underneath-”
“Get out.” Mariin na sabi ko. I dropped the box to the floor and it made
a loud thud. I planted my hands on his chest and pushed him. “Get out of
here now!”
“Darling, what is happening here?” Mrs. Keri power walked towards us.
“You are banned from here forever, you pervert!” My voice trembled. I
slapped him across his face. “Bastos ka! Wala kang modo!”
“Hey.” He caught my wrists. “What the hell?”
“Get out of here or I’m going to call the cops on you.” Mrs. Keri
threatened.
“But I didn’t do anything. I swear, I didn’t do anything.” He said with a
confused look on his face.
“He’s harrassing me!” I exclaimed, pulling my wrists from his hold.
“What are you talking about? I’m just trying to be friends with you.”
Nalukot ang mukha niya.
“Out. Out. Out.” Mrs. Keri pointed at the library’s door. “Do you want to
wait until the police gets here, mister?
“He sighed and shook his head. With shoulders slumped and a downcast
look, he walked out of the library.
“Are you okay, darling?” Mrs. Keri asked, sounding worried. “What did he
do to you?”
I shook my head and lowered it. “He harrassed me. I asked him to leave me
alone but he won’t. And then he said… things.”
“Oh, dear.” She put her hand over her chest. “You poor fragile thing. I
didn’t know someone that handsome could be a creep.”
Mrs. Keri and I went back to doing our work. Anything could easily
trigger me and make me fly off the handle. I feel uncomfortable when guys
look at me, it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I didn’t
want any guys to look at me as sexy. I didn’t want to attract any. I
just… I was messed up. I was messed up in the inside and I didn’t know if
I’d ever be normal again. All those years of therapy is just a weak glue
to hold me together. I felt like a broken doll that was barely put back
together, ready to fall apart any second all over again.
I stretched out my arms after putting the last book on the shelf. The
only thing I look forward to tonight was the new episode of my favorite
tv show. I put on my coat and grabbed my bag. I turned off the lights on
my way out and locked the library.
“Hey.” I jolted when I heard a voice from behind me.
I turned to see him again. “I swear, if you keep doing that I will have
you arrested. You are practically sexually harrassing me. Do you want to
be a sex offender?”
“I just want to apologize.” His eyes lowered and massaged the back of his
head. “What I said earlier was out of line. I’m sorry.”
“Stay. Away. From. Me.” I slowly said, each word heavy.
“I will.” He raised both his hands in front of him as if surrendering.
“You won’t see me here again. I’m really, really sorry.
“I didn’t say anything. I just turned my back on him and walked away. I
drove back to my house, took a quick shower and watched my favorite tv
show. Then I decided to videocall Mama and Dad.
“Hi, anak! Kumusta ka naman diyan?” Ma’s face popped on my laptop screen.
It was morning in the Philippines and Ma looked like she just woke up.
She and Dad were still in bed. “It’s only been two weeks since our last
visit and your Dad and I already miss you so much.”
“I miss you too.” I sighed. “How’s everyone?”
“Okay naman kami dito. What time is it there?” She asked.
“It’s nine in the evening.” I answered.
“It’s six in the morning here. Alam mo naman itong Daddy mo, mahirap
gisingin.”
She pointed the camera at Dad, he was lying in his tummy right next to
Ma, sleeping like a baby.
“Tell him I called when he wakes up.” I smiled. I remember when I was a
kid, I used to crawl in their bed in the morning and wake them up. My Dad
was a heavy sleeper and I literally had to jump on him to wake him up. I
didn’t stop doing that until I was eighteen.
“Cindy’s moving to New York.” I pouted.
“Sinabi mo na sa akin yan noong pumunta kami. It’s okay, I’ll find you a
new therapist.” Mom said.
“She recommended a new one. Susubukan ko muna yun.” I told her.
Nagkuwentuhan kami ni Mama hanggang sa magising si Dad. I told them about
Old Joe, a regular library user since I could remember, losing his
dentures at the library and me having to find it under one of the tables.
Lorna returning a book that was two years overdue. But I never told them
about Callum, I knew Dad would freak out. If you think my reaction was
over the top, his would be over the top of Mt. Everest. He’d probably
have his bodyguards shipped to me right away. I didn’t want to worry
them. Callum was harmless, probably. Pero sa susunod na lumapit ulit siya
sa akin irereport ko na siya sa police.
I just wanted to live a peaceful, quiet life. Ayaw ko na ulit mangyari
ang nangyari noon sa akin. I desperately wanted to regain a sense of
normalcy in my life again.

I took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Today, I would meet my new
therapist. He’s a guy. A man. I didn’t know much about him except his
name, Dr. Francois. Siya na ang pumalit sa office ni Cindy kaya hindi na
din ako mahihirapan hanapin siya.
I pushed the lever down and the door opened. It was evident that this
wasn’t Cindy’s office anymore. The office lost its soft and welcoming
touch and was replaced by musculine feel. Dark area rug. Leather and wood
chair.
The man behind the doctor’s desk had his head bent down, he seemed to be
so absorbed in the book he was reading.
“Dr. Francois?”
He lifted his head up. “Hi.
“I blinked, doubting what my eyes was seeing right now.
He wore that stupid charming smile on his face. “You must be…” He opened
the drawer behind his desk and took out a file and opened it. “Audrey
Cordova?”
I swallowed. “Is… is this a joke?”
“No, unfortunately, it’s not. I am very pleased to see you again.” He
said in low laughter before standing up. He walked over to me and held
his hand out to me for a handshake.
“I am Dr. Callum Francois.”
Protected: Chapter Three
“I’m sorry I think this is a mistake. I’m gonna go now.” I shook my head
and headed for the door.
“Audrey, please.” His voice was pleading. “Dr. Miller told me about you.
Will you give me a chance to help you?
“I bit my bottom lip, looking at him and thinking. I promised Cindy I’d
try. Just this one time. If this doesn’t turn out the way I wanted I
could always switch therapist. I needed to step out of my comfort zone.
Iyon ang madalas na sinasabi sa akin ni Cindy. But why him? Sa dami ng
pwede kong maging psychiatrist bakit siya pa?
“W—what did she say?” I asked, hardly looking at him.
“Dr. Miller told me to look after you. That you’re in a very vulnerable
state and that you need my help. She spoke of you so dearly. I know she
cares about you more than a doctor should care about her patient.” He
gave me a warm smile.
I rubbed my elbow, still keeping my eyes from looking at him. “Nice to
meet you, Dr. Francois.”
“Will you take a seat with me?” He asked in a very polite and
professional tone.
I nodded my head. He slowly walked back to his table and I followed him.
Umupo siya sa likod ng table niya at ako sa armchair na nasa harap nito.
He clasped his hands on the table and looked at me. “How are you?”
“I’m good.” I fidgeted with my fingers on my lap. I felt like the walls
were closing in on me…us. I was in a room with a man I practically don’t
know. I could already feel the tremble starting from my hands. I always
feel like men were out to get me. Any man outside my family all wanted to
hurt me. Just like they did.
“Audrey, are you okay?” He asked in deep worry.
“Y—yeah…” There was shiver in my voice.
“Do you mind telling me why you’re here?”
“PTSD.” I answered. That was what I diagnosed with. Post traumatic stress
disorder. Cindy said it was a heightened response to trauma that doesn’t
stop even after the trauma is over. She was right, it felt like living
the same day again and again. The nightmare never stops. Even now that I
was ‘fixed’, there was still residue left of what had happened.
He nodded his head and started writing on the paper in front of him. “Can
we go back to the very beginning? I want to know what caused your PTSD. I
want to understand you better.
“I swallowed, feeling my throat closing. I bit my lower lip to keep it
from trembling. “It was my twenty first birthday…
“A cold splash of water woke me up. I let out a shrilling scream and
opened my eyes but I couldn’t see anything. It was just dark. I tried to
move only to find out that both my hands were tied behind my back and my
feet together.
“What is this? Ano bang nangyayari? Pakawalan niyo ako! This isn’t funny”
I squirmed. I thought maybe it was my friends or my idiot twin brother
playing a prank on me, pretending to kidnap me on the night of my
birthday. How original. I wanted to roll my eyes. I’d seen this in movies
before.
“Gising na pala ang prinsesa.” I heard an unfamiliar voice of a man and
then he laughed. His voice was throaty and rough, his laughter menacing
and scary.
That’s when I knew I was in deep trouble. This wasn’t a joke. Sinubukan
kong alalahanin ang nangyari bago ako napunta dito. I remember having
dinner with my family on the eve of my birthday. Ma made her special
lasagna for me. Dad promised he’d book my plane ticket for my Eurotrip.
I’d been to Europe and a bunch of different coutries with my parents and
siblings. But this time I wanted to go alone at finally pumayag na din si
Dad. After that, I snuck out of the house to meet up with my friends at a
club. I wanted to start my twenty first birthday with a bang. I was now
legal to drink alcohol and go to casinos. Inisip ko na sana pala sinabi
ko kay Dad na gusto ko sa Vegas icelebrate ang birthday ko. I went into
the club and saw my friends, we drank, talked, and danced. I excused
myself to go to the bathroom and on my way, someone grabbed me from
behind and covered my face and nose…
“WHO ARE YOU?!” I angrily screamed, fighting the urge to cry. “Sigurado
akong pinahahahanp na ako ng Dad ko ngayon. Pag nalaman niya ito,
papatayin niya kayo! You wait and see!”
I felt someone grab the back of my hair and lifted my head up. “Eh paano
kung unahan ko ang tatay mo? Paano kung ikaw ang patayin ko?”
His face was just a few inches away from me. I could smell his breath.
His breath stank like an ashtray. Parang gustong umakyat sa lalamunan ko
ang nakain ko kanina. I growled and spat on him. “Fuck you!”
“Yan ang gusto ko sa babae, palaban.” Another man said, chuckling.
“Mukhang mapapalaban talaga ako dito.” And another voice said.
“Putanginang ‘to!” Galit ng sigaw ng lalaki sa harap ko at naramdaman ko
ang palad niyang dumapp sa pisngi ko. It left a stinging pain on my left
cheek.
“Mga hayop kayo! Mama and Dad will be here any minute now! You won’t get
away with this!” Tears began to fall from my eyes. They always do. Ma and
Dad never once failed me. Dumarating sila kapag kailangan ko sila. And
now was when I needed them most.
“Ang dami mong dada! Hindi na darating ang mga magulang mo! Mula ngayon
amin ka na.” I flinched when I felt his hand on my side, moving it up and
down. Nandidiri ako sa paraan ng paghawak niya sa akin. Naramdaman ko ang
hiningi niya sa tabi ng tainga ko. I could feel him breathing against my
skin. “Ang ganda ganda mo, alam mo ba yun? Nag-iinit ako sa’yo.”
He sucked on the lobe of my ear and I tried to move away but he held me
down. More tears fell from my eyes. I felt so helpless. Gusto kong
makawala pero hindi ko magawa. Gusto kong lumaban. Gusto ko siyang itulak
palayo. His hand snaked up, cupping the bottom of my breast.
“P’re, huwag mo naman solohin. Gutom na din kami.” Sabi ng isang lalaki.
“Ang sarap, pare.” I felt his tongue slid below my neck. Pakiramdam ko
ang dumi dumi ko na sa ginagawa niya. My whole body shook in fear.
“Tama na… Maawa kayo sa akin. Pakawalan niyo na ako.” I begged them,
crying.
“Kanina lang ang tapang-tapang mo. Ngayon nagmamakaawa ka na?” Natatawang
sabi ng isa sa mga lalaki.
“Huwag kang mag-alala, maeenjoy mo din ito.” Bulong niya sa akin at
sinimulan akong halikan sa leeg. I wanted to throw up in disgust.
I heard the sound of the door opening and closing.
“Yan na ba yun?” Sabi ng isang bagong boses.
The man suddenly stop what he was doing and to my relief, he pulled away.
“Kanina ka pa namin hinihintay. Gusto mong mauna?”
I was suddenly picked up carelessly like a ragdoll, like I had no weight
at all. I tried to squirm away and scream and fight but it did nothing.
“Bitiwan mo ako! Mga hayop kayo!” I screamed.
I was dropped on top of a hard, solid surface and then the ropes that
bound my feet was hastily untied. I folded one leg and was ready to kick
when his brutal hand closed around my ankle. The hand snaked up my skirt
and it was able to grab hold of my underwear. He pulled it down with so
much force it made a ripping sound.
I cried as he pulled my legs apart, my whole body started shaking so hard
as though I was convulsing. I had never felt this helpless in my whole
life. My chest felt tight. I couldn’t breathe anymore from crying and
sobbing. His hand cupped my bottom and pulled my to him. I screamed when
I felt a rush of jolting sharp pain in my most intimate part.
“Tama na! Maawa ka sa akin! Get off me, please!” I cried through gritted
teeth. He groaned, pushing himself further in. I felt like my whole body
was breaking in half. I let out a scream of pain and anguish. Gusto kong
magwala. I wanted to kick, punch, and hurt him for doing this to me.
Binaboy niya ako. He continued to move and I stopped fighting. Something
inside me shut down. My mind couldn’t take what was happening to me
anymore.
“Ayos. Mukhang masikip pa.” I heard one of the three men say.
“Basta ako ang sunod diyan.” The other said.
I shut my eyes, feeling nothing but the unbearable pain. I passed out
from the physical pain and mental exhaustion. There was nothing I could
do to stop him. Them.??
Tears dripped down my lap as I relive the moment again. Dr. Francois
handed me a box of Kleenex. With my shaking hand, I grabbed a tissue and
dried my cheeks.
“I’m sorry…” He looked at me with pity in his dark eyes. “I know you’re
scared and I can feel your anger. I understand what you’re going
through.”
“Wala kang alam sa pinagdaanan ko!” My head turned to him, giving him a
sharp glare. He was a man! How could he possible understand me? How dare
he say that? “Hindi mo alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng paulit ulit kang
binababoy. They took away every kind of normalcy in my life. My abusers
stole that piece of me and burned it up. They left me with nothing but
ashes of multiple, repetitive traumas!”
“Audrey…” He got up from his seat and walked around his table to me.
Lumuhod siya sa harap ko at tinitigan ako sa mga mata. “I am here to help
you heal. You don’t deserve to suffer like this. You deserve to be happy.
Gagawin ko ang lahat para matulungan ka.”
“Binababoy nila ako, ginamit nila ako, pinaglaruan nila ako.” I whole
body was shaking so bad I felt like there was an earthquake happening
under my feet.
“Shh, wala na sila. You’re safe now. They can’t hurt you anymore.” He
pulled me to him and I cried on his shoulder. I wanted to scream until my
throat is sore. I wanted to cry every last drop of tears in me. I wanted
to hit someone, something, anything. Why did it have to happen to me? Why
me?
“I hate them! I hate them so much! Gusto ko silang patayin! Gusto kong
magbayad sila sa ginawa nila!” My fists tightened on his shirt. All I
could see now was red. Anger, hate, and fury bubbled inside me as
flashbacks of what they did to me assaulted me.
He rubbed my back to try to calm me down. He let me cry as much tears as
I could. He let me cry until his shoulder was wet from tears. Then it was
like I’d been pulled back from the trance I was in. Biglang parang
bumalik ako sa realidad. I was no longer in that dark place…
I pulled away and wiped my tears. “I-I’m sorry, Dr. Francois.”
He gave me a gentle smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Don’t apologize.
This is what I’m here for. You have to let all those anger and pain out.”
Embarrassed, I wiped my tears and looked away from him.
“What you’re going through is not easy, Audrey. When you surpress your
emotions and bury it, it will only hurt more. I do not want you to ever
be ashamed of your emotions, especially with me. You can share with me
everything. You need to know that it’s okay to be mad, to be sad, to cry,
scream. It’s okay to lose control. I’m sorry for what happened to you.
Pinapangako ko sa’yo na gagawin ko ang lahat para tulungan kang
makalimot.”
I slowly turned my head to face him again. “Thank you for listening, Dr.
Francois.”
“Just call me Callum.” He gave me a friendly smile. “Thank you for
trusting me enough to share your story with me. Hindi madali sa’yo yun
pero mas lalo kitang naintindihan dahil doon.”
“When will it stop?” I felt desperate.
“I wish I could make it stop in an instant but it will take time. You
deserve nothing but all the good in life. I want to remind you that
you’re not alone on this. You have alot of people who wants to love you
and care for you.”

“Dr. Francois?” My brow arched when I saw him standing next to the
library’s door when I got to work. “What are you doing here?”
“You can call me Callum, Audrey.” He sighed.
“Okay, Callum.” I said and my brows furrowed. “What are you doing
outside? It’s freezing cold out here.”
“Today’s my books’ due.” He lifted three books he had in his hand. “I
need to return them.”
“I see. Ba’t di ka pumasok?” I asked him.
“You banned me, remember?” He grinned and then added. “Forever.”
“Oh, right…” I nodded my head.
His face straightened. “I’m sorry about what I said. Now I understand why
you reacted the way you did. I didn’t mean to scare you or make you
uncomfortable. My mouth always gets me in trouble since I was a kid.”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.” I kept my eyes to the ground.
“Audrey, you’re not talking to an ant. I’m right here.” He chuckled.
“Huh?” I lifted my eyes up at him. They were met with a pair of super
duper dark eyes. Damn him and his two black holes! They make me more
nervous than I already was. He was my therapist! He was a man but he was
my therapist. I should be more comfortable with him now. I mean I felt
comfortable when we were talking in his office last Saturday pero iba pa
rin kapag nasa labas na kami ng opisina niya.
“Why do you keep your eyes on the ground when we talk?” He asked.
“No, I don’t.” I denied.
“Okay.” He chuckled. “Can you return these for me?”
“Pwede ka naman ng pumasok.”
“I’m a man of pride.” He stood straight up. “I don’t go back to places
where I’ve been rejected.”
I rolled my eyes. “Right…” And then I took the books from him. “Ako na
ang magrereturn nito.”
“Also, I want to check out a book.”
“What book?”
“I’ll tell you when you’re already inside.” He said.
“How?”
“Trust me.” A playful smile crept over his lips.
I went in and returned the books he borrowed. I was going to start
putting the piles of books back to the shelves when I saw him standing
outside the large window of the library. My brows furrowed when he
started making weird gestures and then I suddenly realize what he wanted
to do. He wanted to play charades. I had to put my hand over to my mouth
to stifle my laughter.
I started playing the game with him and finally guessed what book he
wanted. I didn’t know if I guessed it right or he just gave up on me and
was too tired to try. I checked the book out and went outside to hand it
to him.
“Did I guess it right?” I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Meh, this will do. We’ve been playing for twenty minutes and you still
haven’t guessed. You’re horrible at charades.” He shook his head with a
smug smile on his face.
“Ang gulo mo naman kasi. Ano ba talagang gustong libro?” Okay what he
said was quite true. My siblings and I used to play charades and they say
the same thing.
“I was going for Beyond Good and Evil by Freidrich Nietzsche.”
“Oh, that’s why you keep drawing circles above your head and making horns
with your fingers.” I slightly slapped my forehead. “Pero paano ko naman
mahuhulaan yun? Ang daming libro sa loob ng library, ano?”
“You should’ve at least tried.” He chuckled quietly and then looked at
the book. “Ano ba tong ibinigay mo sa akin? The Ego and the ID?”
“I did try.” I grinned cheekily. “That was really professional, Dr.
Francois.”
“Just because I’m a psychiatrist doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to have
fun. I’m not one of those grey and bland professionals out there. I do
like to humor myself once in a while.”
“I have to go back to work. Marami pa akong gagawin.” I bit my bottom
lip.
“Thanks. I hope to see you again on Saturday.” He flashed me his pearly
whites again.
I nodded my head. “Bye.”
“Bye.” He replied.
I went back inside. I couldn’t wipe off the smile on my face as I walked
in. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this genuinely happy. I
remember feeling like this when I was a teenager and crushing on a boy.
It had been years since I felt this weird emotion. I shook my head. No, I
didn’t like Dr. Francois. He was my psychiatrist for, Christ’s sake! He
was just the first guy other than my Dad to make me laugh after the
abuse.
“How now, brown cow?”
I jolted when I heard the old lady’s voice. “Mrs. Keri! You scared me!”
“I know that kind of smile, Audrey. We’ve been working together for years
and this is the first time I’d ever seen you smile like that.” She looked
at me amused.
I pressed my lips together, trying to keep a straight face. “I just… um…”
“You like him, don’t you?” Her brows lifted up.
“I just find him funny. That’s all.” I avoided her gaze, feeling like my
eyes would give it all away. “I’m going to finish putting back the
books.”
Protected: Chapter Four
I flinched when I felt something wet and cold over my private part. It
soothed the soreness for a moment. Biglang unti-unting bumalik sa akin
ang nangyari. I was abducted and brutally raped. I began to kick my legs,
trying to get away from the hand that massaged me.
“Pakawalan niyo ako, mga hayop kayo! Pakawalan niyo ako!” Tears of sorrow
and anger dripped from my eyes. My hands were tied together above my head
and I couldn’t move them. I grew even more frightened. The anxiety I felt
heightened. It was writhing under my skin, wanting to get out.
A pair of hands caught my waist and they slammed me down. I winced as
pain shot through me. Pero hindi iyon sapat para tumigil ako. I’d stop
when I’m dead. I’d rather they kill me than let them rape me again.
“You’re not going to get away with this! Hinahanap na ako ni Mama at Dad,
they won’t stop until they find me. Kapag nalaman nila ang ginawa niyo sa
akin, mananagot kayo.
“His fingers tightened around my waist.
“Dad will kill you.” I said through gritted teeth, hot angry tears slid
down my cheeks. “Magbabayad kayo sa ginawa niyo! Binaboy niyo ako, mga
hayop kayo! Binababoy niyo ako!”
In one swift motion, I was turned over to my stomach. Those big, brutal
hands held me firmly in place. Hindi ko nagawang gumalaw. My body
shivered in fear when I heard the unbuttoning and unzipping from behind
me. That sound was all too familiar and I knew what would happen next.
My eyes widened when I felt something hard pressing on my rear opening.
Sunod sunod akong napailing. “No, please. Don’t…”
I screamed in pain as he slowly invaded my body. The pain of him pushing
inside me was all too real and all too much. My hands balled into fists,
my fingernails digging into my palms. It was so painful I broke into cold
sweats.
“Hayop kayo! Mga hayop kayo!” I cried out.
He thrust into me and pulled out, each thrust were brutal and hard. I
wished at that time, I would just pass out just like the first time. But
I didn’t. I felt every pain. I eventually stopped screaming, my throat
was already raw from screams and cries. All I could do now was utter a
soft mewling, crying silently as he abused my body. He buried himself one
last time, digging deeper than he’d ever been and then he paused. He let
out a long groan and his weight was on me.
“He didn’t just rape me, he sodomized me. Pinaglaruan nila ang katawan
ko. At that time, I didn’t feel like I was a human being anymore, they
took away every dignity I have in my body.” My whole body shook as tiny
fragments of what had happened played in my head.
Callum sat on his chair with leg crossed over the other. He had a
clipboard in one hand and a pen on the other. He was writing down the
things I tell him on his paper. “I want to know how you feel about
yourself today, pagkatapos ng mga nangyari sa’yo.”
“I don’t feel safe in my own body anymore. The skin that wraps around me
is tainted. It’s dirty. I’m dirty and disgusting.” Tears stung my eyes.
“Don’t say that. I don’t ever want to hear that from you again.” He
gently said. His professional mask slipped and something shifted on his
face. Those gorgeously dark eyes softened into a lighter tone when as he
looked at me. “Hindi totoo iyon. You’re not dirty and disgusting. You’re
beautiful and brave and I admire you for everything you’ve gone through.”
“Thank you.” I gave him a faint smile as tears blurred my visions. “But
no beautiful words could ever take the pain I feel. Binaboy nila hindi
lang ang katawan ko kung hindi ang buong pagkatao ko. Alam mo minsan
iniisip ko na sana na baliw na lang ako. At least I wouldn’t be this
aware. Kahit anong kuskos ko sa katawan ko, kahit ilang beses akong
maligo, kahit anong gawin ko hindi matatanggal sa akin ang kahayupang
ginawa nila.”
“I’m sorry that you feel that way. I wish there’s something I could do or
say to take away the pain but unfortunately I know nothing can change the
way you’ve been hurt.” I saw genuine sadness in his eyes. It was
absolutely beautiful how his eyes spoke for him. They were like a mood
ring. Different hues of black for different emotions. “I’ll be with you
every step of your recovery process. I don’t have the power to erase from
your mind all the things that had happened to you but I promise to help
you overcome it.”

“Audrey…” I was walking to my car when I turned my head to see Callum

jogging over to me. He waved at me. “Hey!”
“Hi.” I stopped and smiled at him. I just got out of his clinic and here
he was again, standing in front of me.
“Do you want to get coffee with me?” He asked.
I bit my bottom lip. I paused, collecting myself and evaluating my
emotions before I answer. Was this a coffee date? Should I say yes? Was I
ready?”
I was just going to grab a coffee and then I saw you. It’s okay if you
don’t want to.” His usual confident aura faltered faintly. I thought it
was cute. It made him seem more harmless now. He looked like a teenage
boy expecting rejection after asking someone out.
“Sure.” I said.
He let out a wide smile “Really?” And then he shook his head and tried to
supress his smile. “I mean, great. Let’s go get some coffee. My treat!”
There was a coffee shop just a few blocks away from the hospital. That’s
where we headed. He order coffee for us and we sat on the table next to
the window. I felt nervous like being on the first date. He looked at me
and caught me staring at him. I blushed and looked away.
“How long have you been staying in California?” He asked, trying to open
a conversation.
“Mula noong nangyari ‘yun’.” I answered, my eyes lowering. I didn’t like
feel comfortable talking about it outside his office.
“I see.” He nodded his head. “Ikaw lang ang mag-isa dito?”
“My parents visit every now and then.” I took a sip from my cup. “Ikaw?
Dito ka ba lumaki? Bakit marunong ka pa rin magtagalog?”
“We moved to Maryland when I was in middle school. I’ve never been to the
Philippines since then.” He said and then snickered, his snicker turned
into laughter.
My brows furrowed as I looked at him. “What? Ano’ng nakakatawa.”
“I used to be in a band we named Glow Worms when I was middle school.
Those were the days.” He laughed. “We thought it was cool at that time.”
“What happened to your band?” I asked.
“My bandmates and I parted ways after highschool. We kind of accepted the
fact that we’d never be the next The Beatles.” He was smiling
nostalgically and shaking his head.
“What do you do in your band?” I asked, propping my elbow on the table
and resting my chin over my palm.
“Everybody gets to do everything alternately. Sometimes I sing, I also
play the guitar, piano, violin if needed.” Sabi niya.??”You sing?” My
eyebrows lifted in amusement.
“Bakit parang nagulat ka?” He grinned cheekily.
“Wala kasi sa itsura mo. You don’t look like you know how to sing.”
“Just so you know, I was our band’s Paul McCartney.” He said with so much
pride. “Baka pag narinig mo kong kumanta ma inlove ka sa akin.”
“Sige nga, I want to hear you sing.” I dared him.
“Okay, I’m going to sing you one of my favorites. Hey Jude.” He sat
straight up and cleared his throat. “Hey Jude, don’t make it bad take a
sad song and make it better, remember to let her into your heart then you
can start to make it better… Hey Jude, don’t be afraid, you were made to
go out and get her, the minute you let her under your skin, then you
begin to make it better… And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude,
refrain. Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders, for well you know
that it’s a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder.”
His voice was like a purr to my ears. It sounded so smooth and silky as
he sang. I felt like a melting honey. I sighed inwardly. My chest filled
with so much warmth and my breath caught in my throat.
“So? Did you like it?” He asked, one corner of his lips tugged upwards.
I blinked and then looked away, I could feel my cheeks heating up. He
probably caught me intently looking at him. “It was okay.” “Okay? What
the hell does that mean?” His eyes narrowed at me. “When I was in
highschool, girls used to jump on me after hearing me sing. No kidding.”
“You’re not in highschool anymore.” I rolled my eyes.
“You, ma’am, are hard to please.” He chuckled.
“Parang ang layo naman ng profession na kinuha mo. From a musician to a
psychiatrist?” I asked. “Did you really want to be a psychiatrist?”
“No. I originally wanted to be a rockstar.” His smile disappeared and so
did the glow in his dark eyes. They were darker now than they usually
were. “But I also wanted to help someone really close to my heart. ”
There was a twinge of pain and sadness in his voice. He closed his eyes
and when they opened again the sadness in them disappeared.
“What about you? Did you really want to be a librarian?” He asked.
“Ni hindi ko nga naisip na magiging librarian ako.” I shrugged. “I really
didn’t know what I wanted to do back then. Siguro kung may pinangarap ako
noon, iyon ay maging katulad ni Mama. I wanted to have a family. A big
one, just like ours. She’s an amazing woman and admire her more than any
woman in the world.”
“Is she?” He said in a low tone. His voice lost the enthusiasm it had
before. He looked out the window as if in deep thought.
“Yeah…” I quietly said.
We finished our coffee and went back to the hospital. Hinatid niya ako
papunta sa kotse ko. I got into my car and placed his hand on the hood,
leaning down. “I had a wonderful time with you, Audrey.”
“Me too.” I said, looking up at him.
“Thank you, Callum.”
“I’ll see you around.” He said.
I nodded my head and then started the engine. He moved back, allowing me
to maneuver.

“How’s your new therapist?” Ma asked while we were video chatting. I

could see Ma walking around her kitchen, the phone she was using was
placed on the spot where I could see everything. It was only hers. When
Mom’s in the kitchen, nobody’s allowed to touch anything. She took out an
egg carton and started cracking them open in a bowl.
“Callum is, well, he’s better than I expected.” I bit my bottom lip to
keep myself from smiling. I felt like a teenager all over again. “He’s
really laid back and he makes me feel comfortable and safe.”
“Callum. So that’s his name, huh?” She nodded her head while beating the
eggs with a whisk.
“Yeah.” My voice squeaked a little.
“I want to meet him someday.” Mom said. “He seems like a nice guy. How
old is he? About your age?”
“I think so… Maybe a little older. He’s a psychiatrist and it takes a
long time to become a doctor.”
“Single?”
I rolled my eyes. Ma, like Ms. Keri, had been pushing me to start dating.
“Ma, stop. He’s my psychiatrist!”
“Wala naman akong sinasabi.” She shrugged her shoulders and laughed.
“Mama!” I heard a little boy’s voice and then Arthur walked into the
kitchen in his blue pajamas. My eyes went back to the tv in front of me.
Nakabukas ang tv at walang sound iyon “Can we go outside and play?”
“You haven’t even had your breakfast saka nakapajama ka pa.” I heard Ma
tell him.
“Tawagin mo muna ang Daddy mo at saka Kuya Coco mo para makakain na tayo
ng breakfast. Tapos magpaligo ka na sa Daddy mo after so you can play
outside.”
“Ma, I’m going to bed. Good night.” Paalam ko sa kanya.
“Is that Ate Audrey. I wanna say hi to her.” He said.Bigla kong ibinaba
ang video call at nilakasan ang volume ng tv.
Chapter Five
Today was harder than most. It was my twenty fifth birthday. It had been
exactly four years ago since ‘that’ happened. My birthdays were the worst
days as I remember the abuse more vividly. There were alot of questions
running through my head, alot of regrets. If I didn’t sneak out that
night, if I just stayed in my room, if I didn’t go to that club my life
would’ve been normal. I wouldn’t be like this. Maybe I would’ve had the
family I’d always dreamt of by now. I was at the wrong place at the wrong
time.
I couldn’t muster the strength to get out of bed. I couldn’t function. I
laid in bed and just stared at the ceiling, wishing the day away. I
wished I could just skip this day. Would I ever be normal again? Hanggang
kailan ba ‘to? Kailan ako makakawala sa bangungot na ito?
The doorbell rang, pulling me out of my trance. Who could that be? I
wasn’t expecting anyone. I forced myself up and went to get the door. I
looked through the peephole and saw Callum there. My heart started
beating a little faster just like it always does when he’s around. Callum
and I had gone out a few times already. I wouldn’t say they were dates,
just casual coffee catch ups. Sometimes instead of doing therapy in his
office, we do it outside. There was this one time I didn’t bring my car
with me because I had washed and he insisted on dropping me off.
Callum was a very interesting person. Ngayon lang ulit ako nalapit sa
isang lalaki na hindi part ng family ko. He was funny, witty, and he
understands me. Well, it was part of his job as a psychiatrist to try to
understand. He’s very professional during therapy sessions but I get to
see his real personality when it’s over. He’d tell me funny stories and
stupid jokes and little by little I got to know him better and better.
One thing I love most about being around him was that for the first time
in a long time, I felt safe around a guy. He makes me feel like I’m going
to be alright. I reminded myself to call Cindy and thank her for this.
She said having a male therapist would be good for me, this cognitive
behavioral therapy she said was really working.
I cracked the door open just enough to peek out with one eyes. “Hi.”
“Hey, Audrey.” He flashed a stunning hollywood A-list smile at me. I had
to swallow a sigh.
“What are you doing here?” I asked in a tiny voice.
“You didn’t come to therapy today so I came to you.”
“You didn’t have to. I’m sorry I can’t let you in.” Although I was
already comfortable around him and I knew I could trust him, I still
couldn’t get myself to let a man into my house.
“That’s fine by me.” Kibit bakat na sabi niya. “I don’t think I want to
go in anyway. I’m enjoying the nice weather out here today.”
I pressed my lips together, trying to hide my smile.
“You want something to drink?” I asked.”A glass of water will do.”
“Sandali lang.” I said, shutting the door and going to my kitchen. I got
him a glass of water and I was about to head back to him when I heard a
tap on my kitchen window.
Halos mahulog ang baso sa gulat ng makita ko siya sa bintana. He waved at
me and a small chuckle rose from my throat. I pulled my kitchen window
open.
“Ano’ng ginagawa mo diyan?”
“I was actually just admiring the flowers around your house and then I
saw you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you or seem stalkerish.” He
said, apologetically.
“It’s okay.” I handed him a glass of water.
“Thanks.” He took it from me.
“Don’t you have any other patients?”
“You know, the funny thing is I’m not supposed to be taking any patients
on the weekends. I only made an exception for you because Dr. Miller said
you’re only free on Saturdays and Sundays. You’re my one and only patient
today.”
“Thanks, Callum. You don’t know how much of a help you and Cindy are to
me.” I sincerely said.
“Just doing my job, ma’am.” He winked at me, tipping his invisible hat.
I rolled my eyes at him teasingly. “So are you my therapist now today or
are you my friend?”
“I’d like to be your friend today. Do you want to go out and get
something to eat?”
I thought for a few moment. This would be the first time I’d ever go out
on my birthday since my twenty first. I had nothing to look forward to
today aside from watching a comedy movie to distract myself. I wanted to
recover and Callum was here to help me.
“Sure. I’ll just get my bag.” Sagot ko.

We went to get burgers and fries then he said he didn’t want to eat in a
greasy burger restaurant. He drove to Twin Peaks because he said he
wanted to catch the nightview of the city. It was a really high point in
San Francisco where you can see all the lights. It had a spectacular view
of the whole bay area. I’d been in San Francisco for years now and I’d
heard of this place but this was the first time I’d ever been hear. The
view was breathtaking. The sky was already painted with deep shades of
purple and pink as the sun sets. Lights began to appear like star lights
below us.
“Are you going to play?” I asked when I saw him took out a guitar from
the trunk of his car.
“You bet.” Sinabit niya ang strap ng guitar sa katawan niya. “Have you
heard of the song Blackbird?
“I shook my head. “No, I haven’t.”
“It’s another The Beatles song.” He grinned. I knew he was a huge, huge
fan of The
Beatles, he had been very vocal about it. “It kind of reminded me of
you.”
He strummed his along the strings of his guitar and it started playing a
tune.
“Black bird singing in the dead of night, take this broken wings and
learn to fly. All your life. You were only waiting for this moment to
arise. Black bird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes
and learn to see. All your life. You were only waiting for this moment to
be free. Black bird fly, black bird fly… Into the light of a dark black
night.” He sang.
I close my eyes, took in a deep breath, letting the cold wind fill my
lungs and breathed out until they were empty. His voice felt like velvet
stroking against my skin. It was beautiful.
“That was amazing.” I said after the song was over.
“I take it to mean that no matter how dark everything aroudn you is,
there is always a small glimmer to be found. We all have our blackbird
moments. I’ve had mine. And broken wings or not, it’s up to us to hobble
our way towards the light.
“My eyes lowered as tears stung them again. I tried to blink them away.
“Beautiful.” I heard Callum said.
Bumukas ang mga mata ko at pumihit ang ulo ko sa direksyon niya. We were
both sitting on the hood of his car. He was staring at me when I looked
at him. He swallowed and then looked straight ahead. “The view is
beautiful up here.”
“It is. I’ve never been here before.” I confessed and I started playing
with my fingers.
“Thank you for taking me here, Callum.”
He smiled softly while still staring at the spectacular view. “I want
your birthday to be a happy one. I don’t want you to associate it with
something bad that has happened to you.”
“You know it’s my birthday?” I cocked a brow.
“Of course. I’m your shrink, remember? I know everything I need to know
about you.”
“Oh so this is still therapy?”
“This is a friend trying to help a friend.” He grinned and then turned
his head to me.
“Don’t worry, it’s free of charge.”
A small chuckle rose from my throat as I shook my head. That small
chuckle turned into laughter and then suddenly I was crying. I buried my
face into my palms and cried until my shoulders were shaking
uncontrollably.
“It’s alright…” Callum pulled me to him, stroking my hair. “Cry all you
want.”
I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his chest. “Bakit
ako? Why did it have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?”
“You did not deserve everything you went through. You did not deserve to
be treated that way.” He whispered soothingly. “This is why I’m here.
Gusto kong tulungan kang kalimutan ang lahat ng iyon.”
“I can’t! I can’t! No matter what I do I can’t forget what they did to
me. Hindi mawawala sa isip ko ang kawalanghiyaang ginawa nila sa akin.” I
sobbed, my hands fisted against his chest. “I don’t want to live like
this anymore. Sometimes I feel like this will never stop and I just want
to die.”
“I’ll fill you with so much good memories, you’d have no room for the bad
ones. Don’t even think about wanting to die. Anything but that. You want
to kill someone? I know a good place to bury a body. You want to do
drugs? We’ll find you a dealer. Want to drink until you pass out? God,
Audrey, I’d rather see you fucked up than dead.” He hugged me a little
tighter.
I sniffled and looked up at him. There was a strong hue of black in his
eyes. I didn’t know what it wanted to convey. Fear?
I didn’t know what had gotten into me when my hands reached up to cup his
face. I tiptoed and pressed my lips against him. His eyes widened in
shock but then he relaxed and closed them. He answered my kiss back with
a deeper one of his own.
I think I had found my small glimmer in the darkness.
Chapter Six
Our lips didn’t break as we stumbled inside. His lips felt like home. I
surrendered to him without any thought. This felt right. I’d never felt
this right with a man before. I have had a boyfriend back when I was a
teenager. We did kiss but I didn’t feel anything close to what Callum’s
making me feel.
He brushed his lips lightly against mine. Nipped the top lip and then the
bottom. It was as though he was savouring a delicacy. Then his teeth nip
my lips. A gentle swipe of his his before finally thrusting it in. I
welcomed him in, mimicking the movements of his.
His hands swiped over my sides, caressing them. I tried to push my fears
aside. He wasn’t going to hurt me like how they had. Hindi siya katulad
nila. Hindi siya masama. I kept reassuring myself that I was doing this
for me. I wanted to get myself back. I wanted to get back the piece of
myself they stole from me.
We stumbled into his room and then pulled away, sucking air into our
deprived lungs. Callum looked at me straight in the eyes. I tried to hide
the trembles that slowly crept inside my body, waiting for the
opportunity to get out. I was ready to do this… or at least I wanted to.
I wanted to forget what they did to me, erase it from my mind– my body.
“Audrey…” He softly said, cupping my cheek with one hand. “Have you been
intimate with anyone after what happened?”
I lowered my eyes and shook my head.
“Do you think you’re ready for this?”
I swallowed and then met his eyes. “I want to… Tulungan mo ako, Callum.
Guide me. Show me what to do.”
“I don’t want you to force yourself.” He wrapped his arms on the small of
my waist and kissed me on the forehead.
My eyes were fixed on his lips and I brought my fingers to trace them. “I
trust you, Callum. You make me feel safe and protected. Hindi ba sabi mo
sa akin you’re going to erase all the bad memories?”
He crashed his lips back to mine and we kissed again. We kissed with so
much passion. I became bold and let my hands ran over his body. His body
was solid and soft at the same time. I had never touched a man the way I
was touching him. I started unbuttoning his button down shirt and felt
his skin against my hands. I didn’t feel helpless or disgusting as he
kissed and touched me.
“Is it okay if I…” He gently asked, eyeing on my shirt. Him asking
permission made me feel empowered and in control of the whole situation.
It made me feel more secure that he wouldn’t do anything I wouldn’t want.
I chewed on my lower lip. I got a little nervous. They left a scar on me
and I was afraid he’d be horrified and wouldn’t want me after he sees it.
“It’s okay if you’re not ready. Audrey, you don’t have to feel bad.”
Lumamlam ang mga mata niya. “Maiintindihan ko kung hindi ka pa handa.
“My hand shook as I grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it up. I
unhooked my bra and let it fall to the ground. Cold air brushed against
my body. I fought the urge to cover myself up when his eyes lowered. His
eyes stopped on my right breast. I wanted to cry while he was looking at
me. Something shifted in his dark, dark eyes.
It smelled like something was burning. I moved, trying to pull my hands
from the rope that bound them. My body had been badly abused already. My
thighs hurt from having spread open. My private part and my rear was sore
and swollen from being used. They had raped me, they put things in me.
What they were planning to do next? Burn me alive?
“A-ano’ng gagawin mo sa akin?” I asked.
I felt someone straddle my torso so I couldn’t move. I tried to kick him
but my legs were held down by someone. I could feel the burning scent
even stronger now. I screamed when I felt an intense burning pain on my
left breast, just above my nipple. It was excruciating- painful beyond
what I could ever imagine. My whole body shivered with pain as the hand
pressed the hot iron even harder against me.
“Mga demonyo kayooo!” Umiiyak na sigaw ko. I could smell the burning of
my flesh and I threw up.
It left a scar on my breast. It had two triangles with the tip touching
each other, like an hour glass symbol and a cross overlapping it like a
sword. It was like an hourglass with a sword over it.
I swallowed back the tears that wanted to escape. “They… they did that to
me…”
“Shh…” He shushed me softly. “I don’t want you to talk about it right
now, okay? I don’t want you to remember that now… or ever again.”
His head lowered to my breast and he began to kiss my scar. He grazed his
lips ever so lightly against my scar. He traced it with his lips with so
much gentleness that tears began to flow from my eyes. I had never had
someone kiss my body with this much gentleness. The abuse was all my body
had ever known.
He took my breast in his mouth and began to suckle on it. My fingers
combed through his hair. He swirled his tongue around my nipple and then
flicked it. I could feel it hardening. He moved to my right breast and
did the same. He carried me to his bed and got on top of me.
He looked into each others eyes. Oh, his eyes were my weakness. They suck
me in like a blackhole. His eyes lowered to my breast, down to my stomach
and further down to my crotch. We were still wearing jeans.
He looked at me again as if asking for my permission. I tried hard not to
shake when my hands went to the button of my jeans and I undid it. I
slowly pulled it down along with my panties. He helped pull it down until
it was off. I tried to focus on his face so I’d always know it was
Callum. I just looked at his face as his hand snaked between my thighs. I
flinched when the warmth of his palm touched me there. I cupped his face
and I kissed him again.
My eyes opened wide when I heard the familiar sound of the unbuttoning
and unzipping. My heart began to thump a little faster. I pulled away
from the kiss and looked into Callum’s dark eyes.
It’s Callum. He’s not going to hurt you. I tried to comfort myself. My
eyes lowered on the small space between us. I saw his manhood, they were
big and erect with veins bulging. This was the first time I’d ever seen
one. Feeling brave and curious, my hands went down to touch it. He
allowed me. I felt liberated being able to touch and explore his body,
like I had been given back my free will.
“You ready?” He gently asked, burying his nose into the nook of my neck.
I nodded my head. He reached for something inside his bedside table
drawer. A foil. He unwrapped it and took out a round, transparent plastic
like thing. He pushed the round thing down his manhood and it expanded,
covering his length. I felt something hard pressing against my womanhood.
I watched Callum’s expression as he slowly slid inside me. He slid slowly
and careful, watching my reaction with every movement he made.
I feel the pressure of his length and girth slowly stretching me. But I
couldn’t feel anything other than that. I knew I was supposed to feel
something I couldn’t feel anything physically and emotionally. I was
hollow from within. As if it would make an echo if someone drops a coin
inside me.
I stared at the ceiling as he started to move in and out of me. I just
laid there without feeling anything. It was like all my emotions had been
switched off. They remapped my anatomy. Screwed up my whole endocrine
system. Torched my soul. Rewired my ability to feel physical sensations
as they are. They numbed me physically and emotionally. Smashed the
connectors that would have made intimacy an act of love, bonding, comfort
and release.
“I can’t feel anything, Callum…” I said in a whisper. He suddenly paused,
propping his body from mine and then looking at me. Emotions suddenly
flodded back in. I hugged him, my fingers clawing his back. Tears ran
down the side of my eyes. “I can’t feel anything. Why can’t I feel
anything? Why?”
He rolled off me and pulled me into his arms. “It’s okay…”
“No, it’s not! Why can’t I feel anything?” I sobbed hysterically. “They
messed me up…”
He stroked my hair as I cried in his arms. Nang mahimasmasan ako, tumayo
si Callum at lumabas sa kwarto. He came back with a cup of tea. I wrapped
his navy blue blanket around my body and sat up, with my back leaning
against his headboard. He handed the tea to me.
“Are you okay now?” He asked.
I nodded my head.
“I’m sorry.” He sighed.
“It’s not your fault. I’m just… messed up.” My eyes lowered to my cup. “I
want to feel normal but I can’t.”
“Why can’t you feel anything while we were having sex?” He asked. I knew
that tone well, it was his psychiatrist voice.”Don’t use your psychiatry
expertise on me now.” I tried to joke.
He kept a straight face. “I want to help you, Audrey. You can tell me
everything.
“I gulped down my tea. “I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t even
understand myself.”
“Tell me what’s going through your head. I might be able to help you
understand yourself.” He kissed me on the forehead.
I tried so hard not to cry. I felt embarrased and ashamed of myself. “I
don’t know. I kept remember what they did. I’m not used to how you were
treating me. My body’s not used to gentleness. I was used to feeling fear
and anticipating the pain.”
“And you need to feel that rush…” He quietly said.
“That’s all I’ve ever known. I never enjoyed what they did to me but I
was trying to find the feelings they made me feel.”
“The heightened senses, the fear, the pain?”
I slowly nodded my head. I couldn’t even look at him straight in the
eyes. I felt like a freak of nature.
“I’m damaged beyond repair, Cal. You shouldn’t even waste your time on
me. I can’t be fixed anymore.” My voice shook.
He nipped my chin and tilted my head up, forcing me to look at him. “I’m
here to fix you.”
Chapter Seven
If I were to drop a pin in this room on the marble floor, the sound would
hurt our ears. I silently sat on the armchair in front of his table,
fidgeting with my fingers on my lap and my eyes fixed on the ground.
Callum stared at me with fingers clasped together. He opened his mouth
but no words came out so he closed it back.
I had sex with my therapist. I tightly shut my eyes, trying to get rid of
the memories of him naked and on top of me.
“Audrey…” I jumped a little when I finally heard him speak. “First of
all, I want to apologize. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you.”
“It’s not your fault, Dr. Francois. Ako ang may gustong mangyari yun.” I
tried to keep my voice from shaking. Was it that horrible that he had to
apologize? I felt even more embarrassed that I already was. My little
meltdown ruined it.
“Did you really feel ready for that type of intimacy?” He asked.
“I… When we kissed, I felt like I was ready.” I bit my bottom lip.
He nodded his head as if analyzing what he heard. He didn’t speak for a
few seconds and I felt like I should say something.
“When you were kissing and touching me, I really felt ready. I want to be
normal again, to feel normal. You’re the first man I’ve ever felt
comfortable with since what happened. Binigyan mo ako ng pag-asang
maibabalik ko ang dating ako.”
“But you went numb when I got on top of you?” He asked in a very
professional way. Na para bang hindi sex ang pinaguusap namin.
I slowly nodded my head. “I don’t know why that happened.”
“What was running through your head?”
I hugged myself and rubbed my shoulders. “Hinahanap ko yung takot na
ipinadama nila sa akin, yung sakit. My body craved the pain and agony. I
wanted to feel something.”
“This is a sensitive question I have to ask you and I want you to answer
with all honesty. Have you ever felt arouse while being violated?”
Suddenly, my eyes shifted away from him. I swallowed back the lump
forming in my throat. “After raping me, they’d… they’d touch me down
there. They’d play with me until… until I’d feel something… I didn’t want
it. Hindi ko ginusto ang mga ginagawa nila sa akin. I never told anyone
about it. Just you. Lalo akong nandidiri sa sarili ko sa tuwing iisipin
ko yun. I feel ashamed of myself.”
“It’s normal, Audrey. I know you didn’t like it. It’s simply a biological
response that you can’t do nothing about. Sexual arousal is housed in the
autonomic nervous system, this is also where the fight or flight response
comes from. That’s what most women like you struggle with. Just because
you’re body responded to it, it doesn’t mean you like it. A common
analogy is tickling. When it’s done against your wish, it can be
unpleasant but your body would still respond to it. You grew accustomed
to it that you’re body had learned to associate pain with sex and pain
became your pride at surviving.”
“Help me, Callum.” I pleaded helplessly. “Ikaw lang ang may kakayahan na
tulungan ako so please help me.”
“Audrey.” His eyes turned softer, his hand reached up to touch my face.
“If I had the power to erase all your painful memories, you won’t
remember a thing.”
“But you do.” Ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa ibabaw ng kanya. I brough it
to my lips and kissed each finger. “Callum, you made me forget. Kapag
kasama kita nakakalimutan ko iyon. You’re the only man who ever made me
feel safe again.”
He pulled his hand away. “This is wrong… I shouldn’t have touched you in
the first place. It shouldn’t have happened.”
It felt like a slap on my face. Para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig.
I blinked and shook my head. “Yung nangyari sa atin. Does it mean
anything to you?”
He sat straight up with an air of formality. “I think we shouldn’t talk
about that anymore.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” I nodded my head.
I got up from my seat and ran out of his office. He stood up and called
my name but I ignored him. I tried hard to keep my tears at bay as I
walked. What happened between us didn’t mean anything to him. I didn’t
mean anything to him while he was my source of comfort in the deep pain
and emptiness.

“Hi, Ma.” I waved at her in the video. Everytime I feel down, the first
thing I do is call my Mom. Nasa veranda sila. I could hear Dad and my
sibling’s voice in the background. It was one of my favorite spots in our
house. Dad used to set up a tents at our backyard every summer at
gumagawa pa siya ng bonfire.
“Hey, Drey. Kumusta na?” She asked. “Kumpleto ang mga kapatid mo ngayon
dito. Ikaw na lang ang kulang.”
“Ate Drey, when are you coming back?” Ronnie popped into the screen. Siya
lang ang dark haired sa amin magkakapatid. We had blonde hairs like our
Dad because he was of Spanish and American descent. She used to always
wonder why her hair wasn’t like ours and we used to tease her and tell
her that she was adopted. She’d come running to Mama and Mama would
always explain to her that she got her dark hair from her.
“I still don’t know.” My smile disappeared. “Ikaw na lang ang bumisita
dito.”
“Dad’s actually planning to spend our Christmas holiday there.” Sabi ni
Ronnie.
“We can go to New York.” I excitedly said.
“We can’t wait to see you again, little sis.” Kuya Miggy said.
“It’s been months since you last visited, kuya. I miss you.” I pouted.
“Hindi ka man lang nakapunta sa engagement party ko.”
“How are you and Hazel?”
“Still happily together.” He smiled.
“I’d love to meet her in the future.”
“Drey!” Coco waved at me with Cookie straddling his shoulders. He grew up
to be a handsome little guy. He had the same blonde hair as me and Coco.
Habang lumalaki, lalo siyang nagiging kamukha namin.
“Hi Tita Drey!” The handsome little man blew me a kiss. He was a real
charmer for a child his age. “We miss you.”
I smiled. “I miss you too. So much.”
“What are you going to tell your Tita?” Sabi ni Coco.
“Oh, thank you for the bike you gave to me on my birthday.” He said.
“You’re welcome, baby. Ang laki laki mo na, sa susunod binata ka na.” I
sighed. “Don’t be like your Daddy Coco ha. Be a good boy when you grow
up. Saka makikinig ka palagi sa Mommy Anais mo, wag kay Daddy.”
“Okay.” He said.
“Cookie, huwag mo nang kakausapin ang Tita mo kahit kailan.” Coco frowned
and then he looked at me. “Stop making me look bad in front of my child!
I laughed.
“Hi, ate Drey! Thank you for the toy robot. I named him Chips and I like
playing with him!” I paused when I saw him. He was sitting on Dad’s lap.
My face paled. I felt like a candle being burnt at both ends.
“Last Monday was his first day in preschool.” Dad proudly said.
“And I was the only one who didn’t cry.” The child said.
“What a brave little guy you are.” Dad shuffled his hair.
“Ma…” I quietly said.
“Audrey.” I heard Ma sighing.
“Ma, please!” My voice grew louder and stronger.
Ma took her phone inside with her and we talked where no one would hear
us.
“Ma, we’ve already talked about this.” My jaw clenched. “And please, stop
telling him lies. I never bought anything for him!”
“Don’t be hard on Arthur, honey.” I could hear Ma’s sadness in her voice.
“Sinabi na lang ng Dad mo na ibinigay mo yun sa kanya. It was his first
day of school last Monday. Naiingit siya kay Cookie dahil palagi kang may
ipinapadalang regalo kay Cookie kapag birthday niya o pasko. You’re being
unfair.”
“You’re lying to him. I want absolutely nothing to do with him!”
“Don’t say that…” She whispered. “You’re still his…”
“Ma, this conversation is going nowhere. I have to go.” I said and
pressed the end button. I tossed my iPad on the bedside table.

I locked the library’s door and turned into a warm body. I looked up and
saw Callum’s dark eyes. They shone with deep sadness as he looked at me.
It’s been weeks since I last saw him. I was actually planning to switch
therapist.
“Audrey, can we talk?” He asked.
“I don’t think we have anything to talk about, Dr. Francois.” I tried to
keep my voice as even as possible. I avoided his gaze and pushed him out
of my way.
“Why did you stop seeing me?” He asked, following behind me as I jog
walked.
“I won’t ever be seeing you again, Dr. Francois. I’m switching
therapist.” I shrugged.
“Why?” He asked, exasperated.
I turned to face him. “Are you really asking me that question?”
“Dahil ba iyon sa nangyari?”
“You acted as if what we did meant nothing to you. I feel like I’m just
an experiment to you. Ano’ng title ng research mo, Dr. Francois? How A
fucked up rape victim responds to intimacy?” The corners of my lips
tugged downwards at the struggle not to cry. “Ikaw lang ang unang
lalaking pinagkatiwalaan ko. The only one I ever trusted to touch me and
you were acting like what we did meant nothing to you.”
“You don’t know how much that meant to me.” His eyes softened as he
looked at me. “But I just want to protect you from me and from yourself.
You’ve been through alot already. I just don’t want to take advantage of
your situation.”
“You weren’t. Ginusto ko ang nangyari. I willingly gave myself to a man
for the first time in my life and it felt liberating.” My voice quivered
a little.
“I am still your therapist.”
“Then from now on, you aren’t anymore. You brought back the normalcy I
thought I’d never have again. You taught me how to trust again.”
“This is so wrong.” He sighed and shut his eyes.
I swallowed and slowly nodded my head. “Okay, I understand. Goodbye,
Callum.”
“Audrey, I like you. Damn it! I don’t know what to do because I’m not
supposed to like you! I’m a psychiatrist but I think I need one right
now! You won’t believe how crazy you make me.” He brushed his fingers
through his hair.
“Callum…”
“I desperately want to help you in any possible way I can. I can’t lose
you like this.” His voice trembled with so much passion. He crashed his
lips against mine and murmured.
“You’re making me break my own rule. You don’t know how bad I want this…”
“We want this.” I whispered against his lips.
Chapter Eight
I watched as Callum poured himself a glass of whiskey and downed it in
one gulp. His dark black eyes were filled with disbelief that he found
difficult to hide mixed with a strange loss and deep thoughts. He must’ve
thought I’d gone crazy. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole as I
faked confidence.
“Callum…” I touched his shoulder when I couldn’t take the silence any
longer.
He blinked and then turned to look at me. “Are you sure that’s what you
want?”
I slowly nodded my head. “I… I want to feel helpless and give up any
restraint. Bondaged, blindfolded, and controlled. Only to be rescued by
you. I want to be rescued by you. I want you to absolve me from all
this.”
“You’re asking me to do the very same thing your abuser did to you.” He
raked his fingers through his hair.
“I know it sounds weird but I need it. I need to feel again. I’m asking
you this because I trust you. Hindi ka katulad nila, Callum. I know you
won’t do anything against my will. I want to know you won’t…
“He lightly brushed his palm against my cheek. His dark eyes showed pain
and pity. “I’ll only be feeding your demons. I can’t do this to you.”
“Gusto kong kalimutan ang pambababoy nila sa akin. I don’t know how to
explain this to you but I feel like this is the only way I’ll ever feel
safe and comfortable in my own body.”
“It’s called repetition compulsion. I’ve seen it in alot of traumatized
patients. There’s power in taking something someone has done to you and
reinacting your version of it on yourself. Since what you want is control
of your sexuality, you are trying to incorporate your experience to it.
You know it’s a safe controlled environment and your mind wants to master
what has happened to you by reliving it but with a different result.” He
explained.
“Will you help me, Callum? Heal me.” I begged.
“I want to help you but it’s not a healthy impulse. You might re-
traumatize yourself. It’s only going to make it worse.”
“I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough. I need to feel pain for something to
feel better. I need it to heal.” I said. “You’re the only one I feel
comfortable with because I know you can help me. I need you to silence my
demons.”
“Are you sure you want this?” There was resignation in his voice.
I nodded my head. He poured himself another glass of whiskey and drank.
Callum tied both my wrists in front of me. I couldn’t see anything as my
eyes were already covered with a sleeping mask. I could feel the rope
slowly tightening around my wrist as he knotted them together. My heart
thumped against my ribs.
I gasped when he gave it a little yank. “Is this tight enough?”
“Yeah…”
I could feel his breath against my ear. “Remember, you have control over
how much power you want to give me. You’re in control of this. Anything I
do to you, you can stop anytime you want. You understand?”
I nodded my head.
“What exactly do you want me to do to you?” He asked.
“I want you to treat me like the way they did. I want to be forced. Get
as rough with me as you want.” My voice shook as tears began to wet my
eyes. I wanted it to be replaced with Callum’s touch and kisses.
He pressed a kiss on the side of my head and it trailed down my cheek
reaching down to my jawline. He pressed small gentle kisses on my lips,
softly grazing his against mine. I took a sharp breath when he suddenly
nipped my bottom lip with his teeth. My open mouth allowed him to slip
his tongue inside my mouth. I could taste the whiskey he drank. His
tongue deliciously explored every corner of my mouth.
He broke away from the kiss and then pulled me by the rope that was tied
around my wrists. He pushed me onto the bed and then pulled my hands
above my head. He tied the other end of the rope, keeping me in place. I
knew I was completely defenseless. The lack of sight and my ability to
move brought me back to that horrible memory. The similarities were too
raw to seperate them apart.
“Callum!” My anxiety grew as I squirmed, feeling helpless and unable to
do anything about it.
“Audrey, it’s me.” He softly whispered. My body relaxed when I heard his
voice, the voice that reminded me I had no reason to be frightened. “Do
you want me to untie you?”
“No…” I answered. “Just keep going. Go rough on me. Babuyin mo ko katulad
ng ginawa nila sa akin.”
“Tell me when to stop.” He said.
I yelped in surprise when I heard and felt the tearing of the cloth that
covered my torso. I felt his fingertips gently tracing the scar on my
breast. Then he harshly pulled my bra down, revealing my breasts. The
cold air settled on my skin. I felt his hot hands closing on both my
breasts, kneading them carelessly as his brushed his palms against my
nipples. I could feel them hardening at his touch. He pinched my nipples
with two rough fingers and then twisted them. The threat of pain brought
shivers down my spine. I whimpered as he twisted harder and harder until
it hurt. His mouth was suddenly on my breast, sucking and biting my
nipple and wanting more with each nip. He gave my other breast the same
attention. He didn’t leave them alone until they were raw and sensitively
painful.
He pushed my skirt over my hips and in one swift pull my panties tear
with a harsh rip. He pulled my legs wide apart until they hurt. His hand
slithered down my stomach to my slit, he brushed his fingers along before
pulling my folds apart to reveal my aching nub. I could him staring at my
womanhood. I was so wide open I was sure he could see my inside. I felt
defenseless, vulgarly exposed to him, and so utterly humiliated. The same
feelings I felt at the hands of my abusers. Tremors of anticipation
vibrated through me.
I shuddered when he touched where the pressure was. He pulled my clit
hood back and I was sure he saw how hard, red, and erect it was. I jolted
when he pinched me there, throbbing the bundle of nerves. The pleasure
pain sent me whimpering. His fingers moved down and played with my
entrance. Then two fingers surged inside me, stretching me faster and
harder than I’d been prepared for. I cried out in pain.
“This is what you want, right?” Callum’s gentle voice was the opposite of
how rough his hand were on me. “If you want me to stop, just tell me.”
“No, don’t stop… Rougher…” I whimpered as his fingers assaulted me,
aggrivating my walls. He shoved a third finger inside me. He struck me
fiercely and with abandon. His hand abused my tender flesh, forcefully
stimulating me. Faking and reality became blurred. Tears began to wet my
blindfold. Shamefully aroused fear flooded my entire system. Panic
ballooned in my chest as the memories of the distant nightmare flooded my
conciousness.
“Nooooo!” I screamed in pain when he added the last finger. I counted as
he entered each one of them. He inserted them one by one until he had all
five of them inside me. I felt my walls stretching as he pushed his fist
deeper inside me. I let out a cry of anger and pain. I felt like I was
being ripped in half as he thrust his fist in and out of me. I was so
open and empty and throbbing and gaping. This was like the first time
again, when they stole my virginity from me. Another hand rubbed my clit
and the most humiliating thing happened. My body turned against me and I
felt the release of something warm from inside me. It leaked out of my
body and me shuddered. I felt lower than dirt.
“Audrey, you’re shaking. Do you want me to stop?” Callum’s voice pulled
me back from reality.
“No. Rougher.” I demanded. Pushing the fear aside.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes… I want you Callum. Only you. I’ve never wanted anyone this bad.”
“I want you too, Audrey. You have no idea how much I want you right now.”
He whispered in a hoarse, ragged breath. “God, you’re soaking wet.
“I could feel his warm breath over my womanhood. Then he locked his mouth
against my sex. His tongue moved wildly against me. He was greedy as he
licked. His wide tongue trailed up and down as his three fingers
continued to torment me.
Suddenly he released me and I felt empty. He level his head with me and I
could smell my arousal on him as he pressed kisses all over my cheeks.
“I’m going to fuck you, okay?” He warned.
“Please… I want it hard.” I begged.
He positioned himself between my legs and with a single violent thrust he
was inside me. I’d been stretched so rapidly and harshly that I almost
felt like a virgin again. He speared himself over and over, holding my
buttocks in both his hands to pull me even deeper. He fucked me hard, our
crotches touching everytime. I couldn’t move or resist. He had taken
control over every part of my body. His thrusts were savage and brutal,
violently pounding against my walls, enough to bruise me. I felt another
surge of heat escaping my body.
Callum let out a powerful growl and pulled himself from me. And then felt
warm liquid showering my stomach and the outside of my sex. He buried his
face into my neck and murmured. “Sorry… I’m so sorry…”
He untied my hands and took off the blindfold. The first thing I saw was
his dark eyes sucking me right into his vortex. Guilt and pity filled
those haunting eyes. They were glassy as they looked at me.
“You don’t have to apologize. Ako ang humiling nito sa’yo.” I cupped his
face and pressed a kiss on his lips.
“I’m only going to ruin you more.” He choked.
“You’re helping me.”
He brought my hands to his lips and kissed my red, sore wrists. “I want
you to forget and what I’m doing we’ll only make you remember.”
“I feel safe in your arms and I trust you. I know you won’t do anything
I’m not comfortable with. I want to validate myself and you helped me. Do
you understand me?”
“You want it because it’s intense and potend and real?”
I nodded my head.
“Because it makes you feel strongly, regardless if it is pleasurable or
paining. You want the adrenaline rush you get from the fear, the
heightened arousal, the possibility of projecting a positive feeling on
top of a negative experience.”
“Yes…” It was weird how he gets me. He said all the things I couldn’t
confirm to myself.
“I’m so messed up.”
“I read a quote a long time ago that says ‘Insanity is doing the same
thing over and over but expecting different results’. It’s your mind
trying to cope and make it into a good thing.” He pulled me closer
against him.
“Callum, thank you so much. Alam kong hindi madali para sa’yo itong
ginagawa mo.” I nuzzled my face into his neck.
“It’s not. But if this helps then I’ll do it. Just as long as you’re
comfortable.” He sighed and then kissed my forehead. “I think I got into
a wrong field. I should’ve been a sex therapist.”
“You are… you’re my sex therapist. Pero sakin lang ha.” I giggled.
“Of course. It’s free of charge.”
I wouldn’t say what we have now was love. It wasn’t yet. But he gave me
the security I needed. With him, I was never scared, worried or in fear.
I felt safe with him and this was better than love. I could share and act
out with him my deepest sexual fantasy. I could tell him all the demons
that haunted me.
Chapter Nine
“Starry, starry night. Paint your palette blue and grey, look out on a
summer’s day, with eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Shadows on the
hills, sketch the trees and the daffodils. Catch the breeze and the
winter chills. In colors on the snowy linen land… Now I understand what
you try to say to me, and how you suffered for your sanity. And how you
tried to set them free. They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they’ll listen now.” I woke up to the sound of Callum’s beautiful
face and the soft, gentle strum of his guitar.
He was sitting on the window nook, the glow from the moon shone on his
face and naked chest. The light picked out his features as though they’d
been chiseled in marble. I was very pleased to watch him, he was so
absorbed with the song he was singing. It seemed to breathe such an
innocent serenity on him. He had the most beautiful eyes. They were a
mesmerizingly dark as if even the brightest light couldn’t penetrate
them. When you looked into them it was as if you were being transported
to another world.
He suddenly paused, probably feeling the weight of my stare. Callum
turned his head and his dark eyes met mine. “Sorry. Did I wake you up?”
I smiled at him and shook my head. He was so breathtaking beautiful in
nothing but his grey boxers. “Go on. I want to hear the rest of it.
“He began to strum his guitar again as he looked into my eyes. “Starry,
starry night. Portraits hung in empty halls. Frameless heads on nameless
walls with eyes that watch the world and can’t forget. Like the strangers
that you’ve met, the ragged men in ragged clothes. The silver thorn of
bloody rose, lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.”
“That was beautiful.” I said, almost in a whisper.
He placed his guitar against the wall and walked up to the bed, sitting
on the edge of it. He raked his fingers through my hair and stared at me
with soft eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was sadness I saw in them or he was
just tired. His hand traveled down my face to touch my cheek. “You’re
more beautiful.”
“Was the another The Beatles song?” I pulled that hand to my lips and
kissed them.
He shook his head. “Nope, it’s not.”
“I’ve heard of that song before but I just don’t know where.”
“It’s a pretty old song.” “You seem to be fond of old songs.”
“There’s so much beauty in old song you wouldn’t find in the modern ones.
The lyrics are so authentic and you can feel the genuine passion in each
melody.” He said as he looked at me with his dark eyes as he stroke my
hair.
I left feather kisses on each of his fingers. The intimacy between us was
intense and raw. I felt like when he holds me, I am no longer trap in a
cage. I could roam free. He gave me a sense of security I hadn’t felt in
a long time. “Cal, you don’t know how much you’re helping me. Gusto ko ng
lumaya sa nakaraan ko…”
“Did I hurt you?” He said, worry in his voice.
“I’m just a little sore.”
He closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath. “Oh Drey, what am I
doing?”
“You don’t have to feel bad. I wanted it.” I sat up, clutching the
blanket on my chest.
“Hindi dapat ganito. I don’t want to damage you even more. Why did I do
that to you?” He mumbled.
“Cal…” I quietly said as I pulled him to me. He rested his head on my lap
like a child would. “You did nothing wrong. Since what happened to me,
every man around me became a threat but with you I feel safe. I’ve numbed
myself for so long, locking myself in my own world and pretending like it
never happened. You made me feel again.”
“You didn’t deserve what happened to you. It’s not fair.” He sighed
heavily. “But you can’t do this to yourself. You can’t re-live the past
and hurt yourself over and over.”
“I’m not re-living my past. I’m trying to change how I feel about it.”
“This is a dangerous game you’re playing. This is not good for you,
Audrey. I didn’t even know why I agreed to this. I don’t want this to
turn into something we both might regret. Baka magkasakitan tayo sa huli.
And I’m not talking about the physical aspect.”
“You’re the only man I’ve given myself to. Sa’yo ko lang naramdaman ang
pagiging babae ko. If you’re worried about me becoming emotionally
attached to you, I won’t I swear. There won’t be any emotional attachment
involved. This would be just pure sex. I just want to feel normal again.
Gusto ko lang ibalik sa akin ang kinuha nila.”
“Audrey, I’m not sure what I’ve gotten myself into.” He reached up and
traced my jaw.
“But I want to help you. I promised I would.”
He pulled my head down to his and we kissed. We fell asleep clinging on
to each other’s bare bodies.
I woke up with my head on Callum’s chest. I slowly slipped out of bed,
careful not to wake him up. I picked up all my clothes from the floor and
put them. I glanced at Callum who was sleeping peacefully in his bed. He
was lying on his back and the rays of sun coming into the window bathed
his naked body. My eyes lowered to his lower part and saw his manhood. My
eyes widened and I quickly looked away, my cheeks heating up.
Nagmamadali akong lumabas sa kwarto niya at sumakay sa kotse ko. I went
home to take a quick shower and to get ready for work.
“Good morning, Mrs. Keri.” I greeted cheerfully as I passed by her desk.
“Good morning, darling.” She replied as she scanned the returned books.
“You have loads of books waiting on you today. I feel like I’d be gaining
arm muscles after I finished scanning all these books. Those pesky
elementary kids who took a field trip at our library last week are all
returning the books they borrowed.”
“Great! At least this will keep us busy all day. We haven’t been this
busy for quite a long time.” I smiled.
Her eyes lifted up to look at me. “What’s wrong with you, darling?”
“What do you mean what’s wrong with me?” I chuckled.
“You seem so happy today.” She noticed.
“I do?” My brows furrowed.
“Are you on something? I want whatever you’re on, darling.” She narrowed
her eyes at me.
“I’m not on anything.” I smiled, shaking my head.
“Wait a minute. I know that glowing look on your face. I was young once,
you know? Before I became a librarian I was a wild child. I travel across
the States in a bus with my group of hippie friends.” She smiled
nostalgically and snapped out of it after a few moments. She looked at
me. “Back in my days, we have sex like we were rabbits. Then reality
slapped me in the face. I got married to a guy who turned out to be a
crack addicted asshole, after two miscarriages and a lot of beating I
finally came to my senses and left him. I got myself a job here as a
librarian with the intention of saving up until I could afford to divorce
him but I’ve been working in this library for decades now and I still
have his surname. Keri.” She sneered spitefully. “Hell! I don’t even know
if he’s still alive.”
“I’m just going to return the books.” I said, not knowing what to tell
her.
“Where were we again?” She asked me.
“I don’t remember anymore.” I simply said and pushed the book cart
forward.
I kept myself busy with my job, putting the books back in their proper
shelves. I pranced and sang around as I worked. For some reason I felt
lighter now. It was like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
What happened between Callum and I gave hope that someday I’d be free
from my past. Hindi man ngayon, balang araw.
Of course there wasn’t any emotions involved between us other than the
feeling of safety and control over my body. It would be like a one night
stand between us, except only with one man.

I was done for the day. I switched off all the lights and locked the
door.
“Hey.” I almost jumped when I heard a voice.
I turned and saw Callum leaning against the wall. He smiled at me.
“Callum!” I exclaimed. “You scared me! Talaga bang hobby mo na ang
gulatin ako?”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Bakit hindi ka pumasok?” I asked.
“I’m banned.” He reminded cheekily.
“I already told you, you’re not anymore.” I rolled my eyes at him.
He walked up to me, cupping my face into his hand and he lowered his head
to kiss me on the lips. I automatically wrapped my arms around his waist
and kissed him back.
After a couple of seconds, we pulled away from each other.
“Bakit bigla ka na lang umalis kaninang umaga?” He asked, resting his
forehead against mine.
“I didn’t want to interup your sleep.” I bit my bottom lip.
“I just came from work and decided to stop by to ask if you want to have
dinner with me.” He said.
“Kaka-grocery ko lang last week. Do you want to have dinner at my house?”
I asked him.
“I would love to. That sounds perfect.” His pearly whites appeared again.
We went into our own cars and he followed behind me to my house. For the
first time I was letting in a man that was not my family in my home. I
trusted Callum. I felt completely safe and at ease with him.
“What are we having for dinner, chef Audrey?” He asked while I got my
ingredients ready.
“I hope you like beef penne.” I said.
“Are you trying to impress me, woman?” His eyes narrowed into a
suspicious slit. “Cause let me tell you this. It’s working.”
“You wish!” I rolled my eyes but couldn’t stop the smile on my face. He
helped me in the kitchen. He chopped all the food that needed chopping
and I took care of the rest. I finished cooking and served the food on
the table.
“Ah nothing beats a good home cooked meal.” He said after gulping down
the food. “Ang sarap mong magluto.”
“Si Mama ang nagturo sa akin magluto.” I smiled.
“Don’t you miss your family?” He asked.
“Of course I do.” I sighed.
“Wala ka bang planong bumalik sa Pilipinas?
“My eyes lowered to my food as I played with it. “I can’t… I just don’t
feel safe there anymore.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through what you’ve been through.” There was a
somber tone in his voice.
“You know, I just realize ang dami mo nang alam tungkol sa akin. I want
to know more about you.”I tried to change the topic into a less
depressing one.
“Well what do you want to know about me?”
“Let’s start with your family. Tell me about them.”
“I lost my Dad to cancer and my Mom passed away from heart failure due to
depression after a few months. She had always been depressed but my Dad’s
death took a toll on her.”
“I’m sorry…” I sadly told him.
“It’s okay. That was a long time ago.” He gave me a reassuring smile.
“Ikaw na lang pala ang naiwang mag-isa.”
“I still have a sister but after my parents passed away madalang na
kaming magkita.” He shrugged.
“Why did your family move here?”
“Like you we wanted to start a new life. Marami din nangyari sa Pilipinas
na gustong kalimutan ng Dad. The scandal, the lawsuits, the bankrupt
business. Here we could live a quiet life, away from all those.”
“So your family was into business?” I asked. “Businessman din ang Dad
ko.”
“I never really took interest in my Dad’s business. I’ve always been into
music. When I was still in college, I used to make money by teaching kids
how to play musical instruments.” He smiled, looking at me. “I’ve never
heard of you talk about your favorite hobby.”
That made me think for awhile. I never really did the things I loved
doing since the abuse. The things I do were usually a mere distraction.
Lahat ng ginagawa ko ay para makalimot sa nangyari sa akin noon. I lost a
big part of who I am because of it. I was destroyed to pieces until I
couldn’t recognize myself anymore.
“I used to like travelling. Madalas kaming ipasyal ni Dad at Mama sa
iba’t ibang bansa, lalo na pag summer vacation.” I sighed nostalgically.
I was supposed to travel around Europe on my own after my twenty first
birthday but unfortunately, I never did.
We talked until we finished our food. He helped me clean up the table and
I washed the dishes.
“Thanks for the wonderful dinner, Audrey.” He said, wrapping his arms
from behind me. I dried my wet hands with a small towel hanging on the
oven handle.
“Callum…” I moaned when I felt his lips brushing against my neck. I
turned to face him and crushed my lips against his.
His hand began to move, stroking my sides. “You are incredibly beautiful,
Audrey. Do you know that?”
“Cal, please.” I softly breathed against his lips. His lips trailed down
my jaw and to my ear.
“I know. I know…” He said biting the lobe of my ear.
“Take me.” I dug my fingers through his hair. “I want to feel you inside
me again. I want you to ravage me like how you did last night…”
“Audrey…” His eyes turned a hue softer. “Do you really want me to do that
again?”
I nodded my head.
“Tell me when to stop.” He left a gentle kiss on my lips.
Callum suddenly turned me around and held me down the counter top. I took
in a sharp inhale when he pinned both my hands down, my chest pressed
againt the marbled top. It was sick how I enjoyed the feeling of being
helpless and weak compared to Callum. The feeling of having no physical
control but at the same time feeling in complete control. The physical
threat on my body but the safety of knowing he’d stop whenever I wanted
him to. That was what gave me the rush. My heart was pumping more blood
than it should.
Wordlessly, he pulled my pants down to my knees along with my underwear.
His fingers traced along my slit and I yelped when he pumped it inside
me. His fingers went deep inside me until I could feel his knuckles
against my womanhood.
“How can you still be this tight?” He asked as he moved his fingers in
and out.
I bit my bottom lip and swallowed a whimper. His fingers brutally thrust
in and out of me. The unbearable pleasure just approached the pain. I
felt his hold loosened on my wrist and he was no longer holding me down.
My whole body shivered when his warm and wet lips covered my womanhood
from behind. His hands were on my hips, pushing me against the edge of
the counter top. His tongue expertly teased me, tentatively stroking my
slit. He opened me up with his fingers. I felt so exposed and dirty under
his gaze. I could feel him staring at my womanhood and it took me aback
how I enjoyed that feeling. The tip of his hardened tongue played around
my opening. He swirled his tongue around before he finally thrust in. One
of his hands went to my front and started massaging my nub. He pinched
them between his two fingers and I let out a yelp, the pleasure and pain
sent me shooting to my tiptoes. His tongue delved in and out of me and I
rocked against his movements. He rotated his face against my flesh,
adding a new depth of speed and friction to an already overwhelming
feeling.
My body began to tighten and then I convulsed. I almost dropped to the
ground but Callum held me back up. The sound of him unbuckling his belt
and unzipping his pants brought fear. The sound was so familiar it felt
like I was back in that dark place again. When I hear that, I knew I
would be used again.
“Callum?” I whispered. I wanted to hear his voice, to pulling me back
from the miserable place. I wanted to make sure it was still him even
though I couldn’t see him.
“It’s me, Audrey…” He whispered in a gentle voice.
I relaxed again. He pushed my legs further apart. I gasped when he shoved
his entire length in me in one swift motion. He leaned forward, his body
touching my back. His hands went to the front of my blouse and I shrieked
when he suddenly yanked them open. Ripping my blouse apart and the
buttons going everywhere. He pulled my bra cups down, exposing my breasts
to the cool air of the room.
He began to brutally move in and out of my body as he pulled my nipples
with his fingers. He played, stretched and molded my breasts. I could
feel his whole length and width inside me each time he thrust in.
Everything about him forced and ambushed me.
His soft moans turned into grunts as he pushed harder and deeper. He
pushed so deep I could feel him hitting my cervix.His thrust increased
pressure as if he was trying to tear down my inner walls.
I felt another orgasm and then my walls tightened around him. It
triggered his own orgasm and then he pulled out of me.Then I felt his
warm essence covering my bottom. I went completely limp against the
counter top. I tried to muster the strength to even lift my fingers but I
couldn’t. I was paralyzed by the after effect of the orgasm.
He took a paper towel to wipe it off and helped me get dressed. He
carried me to my room and laid me down my bed. Tumabi siya sa akin and we
cuddled for awhile.
“Are you okay?” He asked, concern in his voice.
I smiled and nodded my head.
“Are you on the pill?”
“Pill? What pill?”
“Birth control.” He whispered kissing the side of my head.
I shook my head and looked up at him. My eyes widened in horror, he
didn’t use protection on me. “You didn’t use condom…”
“I’m clean, I swear.” He promised.
“That’s not what I’m worried about. What if I get pregnant?”
“I pulled out but there’s no guarantee. I’ll grab you a morning after
pill later and maybe we should start getting you on the pill.”
I nodded my head, agreeing.
“You haven’t been on the pill before?” He cocked a brow.
“No.”
“Have you never had a boyfriend?”
“I did but that was when I was a teenager. We lasted for six months and
we never went beyond kissing.” I said, snuggling my face into his neck.
“God, I never realized how innocent you are.”
Chapter Ten
“Tama na… please, ayoko na. Patayin niyo na lang ako.” I silently sobbed.
A finger lightly brushed away a few strands of hair away from my face. I
swallowed, my whole body shaking with fear as I felt myself anticipating
what he’d do to me next. It was always unpredictable. Always more brutal
than the last. I let out a loud cry. “Just fucking kill me already!”
“Aaahhh!” I screamed when I felt pain on the burnt part of my skin. The
smell of alcohol wafted over me. A cloth was gently patted on my skin and
then I felt a cool gel touch my burn. The stinging pain lessened and my
body was able to relax.
The hand cupped the back of my head lifting it up and another forced a
pill in my mouth and washed it down with water.
“Why are you doing these things to me? Ano bang kasalanan ko sa inyo?”
Umiiyak na tanong ko.
There was no answer. There had never been an answer before. All there is
was pain and silence. Defeaning silence. The worst thing about silence is
its indifference. Besides the low grunts and groans they sometimes make
when they’re impaling in and out of me, there was nothing more. The
absence of noise from my abusers were unnerving. It made me hard to
imagine what kind of people they were or if they were at all. They could
be the devil for all I know.
I was tied and locked up in God knows where. I couldn’t see anything. I
couldn’t move. The things I exist for, my dignity, my whole being were
all taken away from me. All I knew now was pain. It was the only stimulus
I could have.
“Bakit? Bakit niyo ginagawa sa akin ito? Bakit ako?” This time my voice
were soft. Nawala ang sakit ng paso at napalitan iyon ng pagod. I felt
drained, emotionally and physically. All I wanted to do now was to sleep.
A warm body laid beside me and an arm encircled around my waist.
“N-no… no… please…” My voice shook, instinctively moving my body away
from it.
The arm pulled me closer and I tried to pull away but I couldn’t. It was
wrapped around me like steel bars.
“Bitiwan mo ako! Bitiwan mo ako!”
“Nooo! Let go of me!” I pushed the body away from me and huddled in the
corner of the bed. I hugged my folded knees to my chest as I trembled in
fear. Callum lifted his head up and looked at me with eyes still hooded
from sleep. He had a dazed, confused look on his face.
“Audrey…” He slowly sat up. “It’s me. It’s Callum…”
My heaving breath finally slowed down. It was just a dream. My body
stopped shaking as the realization sunk in. I jumped on him, wrapping my
arm around his naked torso. “I… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“It’s alright. No worries.” He said, soothingly stroking my hair. “Did
you have a bad dream?
“I nodded my head as an answer.
“I’m here. No one can hurt you now. I won’t let anyone hurt you…” He left
soft kisses on my forehead.
“Cal…” I slowly pulled away from him. “I think it’s better if you sleep a
little farther away from me. I… I don’t like being held while I’m asleep”
“Am I making you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. Do you want me to go home?” He
gently asked with an undertone of worry in his voice.
“No… no…” I shook my head.
“I’ll just move to the couch.” He said, trying to make me feel more
comfortable.
“No. I want you here. Huwag mo akong iwan.” I said and my eyes lowered.
“Callum, I like being with you. It’s just that some things remind me of
what they’ve done to me. I… I’m sorry.”
“I understand. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s completely normal.
You’re healing in your own way, in your own phase and in your own time. I
want you to know that I will be with you every step of the way. When
you’re done, things will be good again.” He stroked my cheek and forced a
smile. His dark eyes bore a hint of something I’d seen in most people
when they find out what I’d gone through. I hated it.
“You’re no longer my therapist. Bakit ginagawa mo ito? Why do you want to
help me?” I asked.
“I- I don’t know.” He let out a deep sigh.
“Dahil ba naaawa ka sa akin?” I asked, accusingly.
His gaze lowered.
“I don’t want any pity, Cal. I am tired of people pitying me. Pati ba
naman ikaw?” I let out a deep sigh.
“I don’t mean it like that. I admire the braveness you have despite what
you’ve been through but I know you’re already tired. You have a lot of
repressed emotions you don’t want to face. ” He took my hand in his and
kissed the back of it. “Audrey, I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re
alone in this. It’s okay to feel scared. It’s okay to feel weak.”
“You know what I feel? I feel angry!” My hands clenched into fists and my
eyes watered with hot tears. “Gusto ko silang magbayad sa ginawa nila sa
akin. Mga hayop sila! Binaboy nila ako!”
He pulled me to him and I was in his arms. I started punching his chest
in an angry fit as memories began to flood me. “Binaboy nila ako, Cal!
Mga walanghiya sila! Ano bang kasalanan ko? Bakit ginawa nila sa akin
iyon?”
“Shh…” He hushed soothingly as he kissed my hair. “You did nothing wrong.
It wasn’t your fault…”He gently laid me down the bed as he stroked my
hair. He just held me and let me cry my eyes out, silently assuring me
that he was here for me.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. My eyes were heavy and puffy
from crying myself to sleep last night. My body immediately searched for
Callum’s familiar heat but it wasn’t there anymore. I found myself alone
in bed when I opened my eyes. All that’s left was his natural manly scent
mixed with his cologne and wrinkled sheets beside me. I felt kind of
disappointed but I had to remind myself that what Callum and I had was
just casual sex. I shouldn’t let myself get too emotionally involved with
him. It was better this way.
I sighed, reaching for my phone. Mama was video calling me again. I
quickly grabbed the blouse I wore last night and put it on before
answering the call. The first thing I saw was Mama’s smiling face.
“Hey, honey.” She spoke with her usual gentle voice.”Kamusta ka na? Have
you had your breakfast?”
“I just woke up, Ma.” I answered.
“I’m sorry. Nagising ba kita?” she asked.
“No, it’s alright. Magseseven na rin naman.” I yawned, stretching my arms
out. “How’s everything there?”
“Everything’s fine. Your Dad and I miss you.” Sabi ni Mama.
“Miss you too, Ma.” I sighe and smiled. “Is Dad there?”
“He’s taking a shower. Why?” She asked, her brows crumpled.
“Well, I’m kind of seeing this guy…” I bit my bottom lip and I
immediately felt butterflies in my stomach.
Mom’s lips broke into a wide smile. “Finally! Who is he? Saan kayo
nagkakilala?”
“His name is Callum.” I couldn’t help but giggle like a little girl.
The door suddenly opened and I could see Callum walking in with only his
boxers on. I gasped and put the phone down so Ma wouldn’t see him. It
would be so embarrassing if Mama did see him.
“W-what are you still doing here?” My head turned to face him.
“I’m sorry. Narinig kasi kita sa loob. I hope you don’t mind me going
through your kitchen. I’m making breakfast for us.”
“It’s… it’s fine.” I bit my bottom lip, trying to focus on nothing but
his face. I was careful not to look further down.
“I’ll call you when breakfast is ready.” He showed his pearly whites
before closing the door.
“Audrey…” I heard Mama’s teasing voice. Inangat ko ang phone ko at
nakitang nandoon pa siya sa screen. She had a wide grin across her face.
“Is that him?”
“Ma, I’m sorry…” I felt so embarrassed that my Mom had to see that.
“He’s a handsome young man.” Sabi ni Mama. “How long have you been seeing
him?”
“Not long ago.” I shrugged. “But we’re not really dating. It’s kind of a…
um, casual affair.”
“I see.” Mama nodded her head. “Ang mahalaga masaya ka sa kanya. That’s
all I ever want for you. I want you to heal and live a normal life.”
“I’m trying…” I forced a smile.
“I’m glad you are.” Mom gave me the gentlest of smile. “Just don’t tell
your Dad about this yet, okay? Alam mo naman ang Dad mo, minsan may
pagka-overprotective iyon.”
“I know. Kaya nga sa’yo ko lang muna sinabi.” I chuckled.
“How was your sleep?” Callum asked while we were eating breakfast. He
made omelette, bacon, sausage, and pancake for us. He was big on
breakfast while I usually have fruits and oatmeal. This kind of reminded
me of my family. Ma would wake up before any of us so she could make
breakfast for us. Matakaw din kasi si Dad at ang mga kapatid kong lalaki
pagdating sa breakfast kaya kala mo palaging may feast sa umaga. Even
when Kuya Miggy had his own home, he’d always drop by in the morning tpo
have breakfast with us. Ganon din sa dinner.
“My sleep was good.” I answered between chewing my pancake.
“Who were you talking to?” His eyes narrowed with curiosity.
“My Mom. Gano talaga si Mama, she always calls to check on me”
“She must be a good mother.” He commented.
“She’s been nothing but wonderful.” I smiled and then that smiled turned
into a quiet snicker.
“What?” His brows furrowed.
“She kind of saw you.”
“Are you serious?” His eyes widened. “I was only wearing boxers.”
“I know. I was so embarrassed.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were talking to your Mom.” He said in
genuine apology.
“It’s okay. Mama thinks you’re a handsome young man.” I snorted.
“She does?” He smiled. “Does that mean your mother approve of me?”
I pressed my lips together to keep myself from smiling like a teenager
who’d seen her crush. “Don’t get too giddy. Madali lang kuhanin ang loob
ni Mama. You’re going to have a huge problem with my Dad. Masyado kasing
overprotective yun.”
“I’d love to meet your family someday.” His eyes turned intensely darker
as he said those words and then he lowered his gaze. “My family was never
like yours. Growing up, I’ve always felt alone…”
I swallowed, feeling something dislodged in my throat when he said that.
It was as if I could feelt the pain seeping through me with his words.
“Now you have me…” My hand snaked over his.
His eyes lifted to mine and he smiled again. “Thanks. Audrey.” He let out
a deep sigh as he gently looked at me. “Why haven’t we met sooner?”
We finished ur breakfast and I insisted on cleaning up and doing the
dishes as he had already cooked breakfast for us.
I found Callum in the living room. Nakatayo siya sa harap ng cabinet ung
saan nakadisplay ang mga pictures namin. He was scrutinizing the
pictures.
“Callum…” I called him out.
He turned his head and looked at me. “You have a lovely family.”
I smiled and stood next to him. “I miss them so much. Mataga na akong
hindi nakakauwi sa Pilipinas.”
“Wala ka bang planong bumalik?” He asked.
“Wala pa sa ngayon.”
“You look so young here.” He pointed at the picture of Coco and I.
“Nineteen pa lang ako niyan.” I smiled.
“Is that your brother?”
I nodded my head. “He’s my twin.”
“That’s why he looks so much like you.” He chuckled.
“That over there is my Dad and Mom.” I pointe at the next frame.
“Phoenix Cordova.” He silently said.
“You know my Dad?” My brows furrowed.
“Of course I do! He’s a legend in the business world. Haven’t I mentioned
that my father was a businessman? I actually met him when I was a kid.”
He smiled. I stared at him and I never realized how ferocious he looked
when he smiles. His canine teeth were longer than the rest, making him
look almost dangerous.
“Small world.” I chuckled a little. “Ano bang pangalan ng Dad mo?” I’ll
ask if he remembers you and your Dad.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t. We’d only met him at a business convention once.
Besides, smaill time businessman lang si Dad compared to him.” He
shrugged and his attention returned to the frame. He looked at the huge
family picture placed in the center. Nandoo si Dad, he was sitting in the
middle with Mama standing beside him. Nandoon si Coco karga si Cookie, si
Kuya Miggy, si Ronnie at isang batang nakakandong kay Dad. “Those must be
your siblings.”
“This is Coco, my twin, and that handsome little guy there is my nephew,
Cookie. He’s my twin’s son. Tapos ito naman si Kuya Miggy, he’s our older
brother and that dark haired girl is our bunso, her name’s Ronnie.”
“What about that cute little boy over there?” He looked intently at the
boy sitting on Dad’s lap, drawing his face closer.
“He’s Arthur…” Iyon lang ang nasabi ko.
“Is he your nephew?” He turned his head to me and smiled a gentle smile.
I blinked and pretended to look at the clock. “I-I’m going to be late for
work. I think you should go home.”
“You’re right.” He agreed. “I have to go. I don’t have time to go to the
gym anymore. I’ll be heading straight to the clinic.”
He cupped my face and kissed me on the forehead and then looked me in the
eyes. “Bye for now.”
“Bye…”
Chapter Eleven
“What’s this?” I asked when he handed me two rectangular boxes.
“Birth control and Plan B.” He answered. “I thought you’d need these
after the unprotected sex we had last night.”
“Thanks.” I took it from him and read the instructions.
“The plan B you only have to take twice, there’s only two pills in there.
Take it now and the second one after twelve hours. But you have to take
the birth control regularly.” He explained.
I nodded my head and he handed me a bottled water. I took the pill out of
the blister pack, popped it in my mouth, and downed it with water. Callum
and I planned to have dinner at a restaurant downtown. Mrs. Keri let me
out of work early, she told me she’d be fine on her own and that I should
go out every once in a while. I didn’t bring my car with me as Callum
said he’d pick me up after work.
Was it wrong that I found solace in him? I wasn’t expecting my life to
change overnight. Just when I thought that there was no place that knew
how to help me. That I was too broken in many places to even be fix, I
met him.
“What are you looking at?” He took a quick glance at me as he drove and
chuckled.
I shook my head and rested my chin over to his shoulder. I pressed a
gentle kiss on his jaw and smiled. “Thank you, Callum.”
“For what?” His brows furrowed.
“For everything. For listening to me and for trying to understand me.”
“It’ll always be a pleasure.” He winked at me, turning his head to kiss
my forehead. “So what are you in the mood for tonight? Where do you want
to eat?”
“Surprise me.” I smiled.
He took me to a french restaurant in Palo Alto. The restaurant had a very
romantic atmosphere and a cozy feel to it. We were greeted by the
receptionist and Callum chose to be sitted on the table outside of the
restaurant. The sun was just about set and the weather outside was nice.
It wasn’t cold at all as it had been days ago. The golden hour was just
about to disappear into the sky. The setting sun tinted everything the
light could reach soft red. It was so beautiful.
We were given a menu. I ordered a duck confit and Callum ordered salad
and steak and a bottle of wine for us. Our order were served after a
couple of minutes. By that time, the sun had already disappeared and it
was already dark outside. Everything looked even more beautiful at night.
Everything was brightly lit and it was as though the whole downtown was
inhabited by fireflies- bright and shining.
“The food’s delicious.” I commented as we ate.
He shook his head and grin. “It isn’t as delicious as you.”
“Callum.” My eyes widened as I looked around to see if anyone was near
enough to hear us. “You jerk! Mamaya may makarinig sa’yo. Nakakahiya.”
He let out a delicious chuckle. “They don’t care.”
“Well I do!” I shrieked.
“Oh Audrey, you’re so refreshing.” He leaned back against his seat.
“You’re unlike any girl other girl I’ve ever met.”
“Siguro marami ka nang babaeng ‘nakilala’.” My eyes narrowed at him as I
took a sip of wine.
“Wait? Are you jealous?” His grin grew even bigger.
“Why would I be?” I defensively said.
“I don’t know. You tell me.” He laughed.
“I am not jealous.” My voice was as tensed as my body. “Why would I be?
We’re not even in any sort of relationship.”
“So does that mean I could still see other women?” He folded his arms
over his chest.
I shrugged and took another sip of wine. The thought of him seeing
another woman made my stomach churn. “Nasa sa’yo yan.”
“Okay lang sa’yo na may kahati ka sa akin?” His brows lifted up.
“I don’t get to decide on that.” My face involuntarily crumpled. “Look,
we’re just having…” I swallowed and whispered. “…sex. Nothing more,
nothing less. I’m not asking for exclusivity. I don’t care much about
what goes on with your life outside the bedroom. You can date around all
you want. I mean, as long we’re not hurting anyone then we’re good.”
“I have no desire to see any other woman.” His expression shifted into a
serious one. He took my hand in his and kissed it. “You’re all I need.”
Much as I tried, I couldn’t keep myself from smiling at what he said. I
shook my head, pressing my lips together so my smile wouldn’t show. “Cal,
tama na sa akin kung anuman ang meron tayo. You’ve given back a pieces of
me they took away. I know I still haven’t truly recovered but you’ve been
a big help. I just want to get back to the old me…”
He bent down to kiss my hand again, not taking his gaze away from me.
There was a gentle glint in his dark eyes that revealed a soft, gentler
side of him. “Stop trying to be the person you were before the trauma.
It’ll only exhaust and frustrate you. It’s okay if you’ve changed.”
I let out a deep sigh, his words sinking into me. “But it shouldn’t be
this way. It’s not normal. What I want and feel are not normal.”
“Audrey, there’s no set rule book for how you should be after a trauma.
You’ll heal in your own way, phase, and time. And I want so badly to help
you.” He huffed. “Just look at you, you’re a girl who’s holding the whole
world on her shoulder… the world!”
My eyes lowered. “Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. I ask myself
all the time, why I didn’t listen to Mama and Dad. Why did I sneak out
that night? Why did I got to that club? And out of all the people in
there, why me? Siguro ibang-iba ang uhay ko ngayon. I wouldn’t be this
mess that I am now. I have a lot of baggage. Don’t you get tired of me?”
“No and I never will. You have to promise me you won’t go through
anything alone again. You have me now and I want to be with you
althroughout. I know sometimes it’s still hard to let me see you in all
your vulnerabilities but know that even in nights when you just want to
collapse into my arms and your body’s broken into a thousand why’s, you
still are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
I felt my heart swell with the feeling I had never felt before. It felt
as though he’d ripped off the band-aid I’d placed on my soul and exposed
it so he could stitch it back together for it to properly heal.
“Thank you.” I said, almost inaudible. “Maraming nagbago sa akin simula
ng makilala kita. You gave hope when I need it the most. I don’t know how
I can ever repay you.”
“Hindi ako humihingi sa’yo ng kahit ano’ng kapalit. I just want you to be
better. Like you, I was broken too but it doesn’t mean you can’t be whole
again. I wish I could carry your demon so you wouldn’t have to.”
We decided to go for a walk after having our dinner. We were walking on
the sidewalk, passing by the boutiques that were lined up on the street.
It was starting to get cold but still bearable for an autumn night. His
hand reached for mine and held it as we walked, our fingers interlocked
with each other. I felt warm all over as he held me.
“I didn’t have a good childhood, Audrey.” He let out a deep breath. “Our
family only looked good on the outside. We were a poster family to those
who knew us but nobody knew what was going on behind closed doors. My
father was very abusive to my mother, my sister, and I. My mother was no
good either. She’d just looked the other way everytime our father hurt
us. She was a self-centered woman who lacks the ability to care about
anyone but herself. Ang kapatid ko lang noon ang kakampi ko. I vividly
remember the time when I accidentally spilt a glass of juice on my Dad. I
was walking around with the glass in my hand and I ran into him. He was
so furious he punched me in the face. I was a little kid back then. A
little kid. Can you imagine that? That punch left a huge bruise on my
face. I still remember how much it hurt and how hard I cried. My mother
heard me and came rushing to me. She grew frustrated when I wouldn’t stop
crying and dragged me to the pantry and there she locked me. It was dark
in there and I barely had any room to move. I was hurt, scared, and I
felt alone. It was a scary feeling for a five year old.”
“Oh Callum…” I could feel the lump forming in my throat while listening
to his story. “I’m so sorry.”
“My sister was the one who opened the door. She was the one who cleaned
my bruise. She was the only one who cared.”
“I care…” I silently said, squeezing his hand to try to comfort him.
“Nandito na ako at hindi kita iiwan katulad ng hindi mo pag-iwan sa
akin.”
He turned his head to me and smiled with a twinkle in his eyes. It was
like seeing stars in that pair of dark holes.
“I was in an abusive home from the day I was born to when I was eighteen.
What I’m really trying to say is that people could survive most things.
It doesn’t have to do with being strong, it’s just that there isn’t
really any choice.” He explained. “I turned my attention to music. During
that time, it was what helped me cope.”
I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hugged the pain away. That was
one thing I had never experienced. I grew up in a very loving family. I
had never once been hit by my Dad. I had wonderful parents who loved us
with all their hearts. I could feel the heaviness, the pain he’d gone
through while growing up.
“In the face of pain, maybe we’re all just the same.” I said.
He looked at me with his dark, dark eyes and I felt a deeper connection.
We understood the things that haunted each other. Something we never
really share with other people.
We walked some more until we pulled up to one of the boutiques. The
store’s name was Good Vibration. At first, I had no idea what kind of
boutique it was and what they were selling but as soon as I stepped
inside the store, I couldn’t help but gasp.
“What are we doing here?” I whispered as if we were in the library.
“Why are you blushing?” He gave me a teasing grin. I could, indeed, feel
my cheeks heating. “We’re just going to look around and see what we
need.”
I clutched tightly on his arm, almost burying my face into his shoulder.
He casually walked about the store as if looking for a shirt in a
department store.
“Can I help you with anything?” A gothic looking woman with red hair came
up to us.
“We’re looking for a restraint for bondage.” Said Callum. I didn’t know
how he managed to say that without flinching while I wanted the ground to
swallow me whole.
“It’s right over here.” She pointed. “We have cuffs, collars, hog ties.
If you need anything else, I’ll be behind the counter.”
“Thanks.” Callum simply said.
There were all kinds of restraints I had never even imagined before. I
didn’t even know what Callum grabbed as I was too embarrassed to look at
it. The next thing I knew, he was already holding a basket full of
‘toys’.
“Have you ever used a vibrator?” He asked.
“Um… no.” I swallowed.
“Do you want to give it a try?”
I bit my bottom lip, not knowing what to answer.
“You don’t have to be ashamed of anything. I want you to be comfortable
with your sexuality. It’s okay if you don’t want to.”
“Okay, I’m going to try.” Nahihiya pa rin na sabi ko.
He smiled. “That’s the spirit.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the silliness of all these and he laughed
too. The awkwardness went away the longer we stayed in there. Callum
walked up to the counter to check out all the items he picked.
Why was I suddenly excited to go home?
Protected: Chapter Twelve
“Inhibitions are not allowed inside this door. ” He said, leaned against
the door frame to his room. He stared at me with his vandablack eyes
sultry with suggestion, a teasing smile playing on his lips. “Are you
ready for this?”
I swallowed, tensing my spine straight. I tried to look more confident
than how I felt.
“Yes…”
He cupped my face and pressed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “I’m glad
that you want to explore your sexuality but there’s no pressure. You
don’t have to force yourself. You don’t need to do anything you’re not
comfortable with.”
A smile broke across my lips. “I trust you, Callum. I know you wouldn’t
cause me harm.”
“Never.” He said with a wild glint shining in his eyes, his lips remained
curved into a smile. His face lowered to my face and then I felt the
warmth of his lips on mine.He tasted of every dark dream I’d ever dreamt
of.
He pulled away and started to walking backwards, not taking his eyes off
me. He held me by the hand. I watched him, speechless, as he pulled me
into the room. It was as if I was being sucked into a dimension I didn’t
know. I could have stop this with my will but there was no choice. Not if
I was there to heal. Stopping it would have. Stopped the healing
This was Callum and I trusted him. I felt the wounds and memories relax
and lose their memory charge. I trusted him.
“This, in this room, is a world where you can be whatever you want.
Audrey. Do you understand? “He asked.
I nodded my head.
“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?”He looked a little
worried as he tucked my hair behind my ear.
“I know. I’ve read Fifty Shades… “I joked, trying to lift serious mood a
little.
“Audrey… “He moaned, chuckling a little and pulling my head to him to
give me a kiss.
“So you want an S and M relationship? ”
I bit my bottom lip. “I don’t know really know what I want.”
“You know, I’ve been in that kind of relationship way back in med school.
I was doing some research and I supplemented it with a bit hands-on
experimenting. A friend introduced me to that kind of practice.” He
brought my hands to my lips and kissed my knuckles. “She willingly helped
me with my research. It’s a lifestyle for her, she just loved it. The
first time I ever did it, she asked me to put a collar around her neck
and hold the leash attached to it. She asked me to walk her out the back
of the house just like the bitch she was. She walked on all fours,
completely naked as I held the leash. It felt weird at first but the more
we did it, the more I got used to it.”
“Did you… Did you like it?” I timidly asked, curiosity taking over me.
He shrugged his shoulder. “I wouldn’t say I liked it but I don’t hate
either. I never went back to that kind of practice after my research.
Well, until now. Hindi ko akalain na magagamit ko sa ganitong paraan ang
natutunan no noon sa research ko.”
“If you’re not comfortable, we can just forget about this…” I swallowed.
“We have to learn this together. Audrey. I want to give what you want.”
He looked me in the eyes. “You have to be vocal. What do you want me to
do?”
“I want you to take in complete control of me. I want to be used, just an
object for pleasure.” I said in a tiny voice.
He stepped forward, pinching my chin between his two fingers. He sealed a
quick, soft kiss on my lips and then his eyes shifted into a different
hue of black. As if there was some switch inside him and it suddenly
turned on.
“Strip.” He said in stern tone. He’d never sounded this serious outside
of his clinic. I blinked, taking me a couple of seconds before I was able
to process what he just said. My hands went to the button of my blouse
and I started unbuttoning it. I let it fall to the ground. Inabot ko ang
hook ng bra sa likod ko at hinayaan din mahulog iyon sa lapag.My heart
pounded against my chest as I slowly undressed in front of him.
I had a little surprise for him and I wasn’t sure if he would like this.
“Your skirt and panties too.” His eyes lowered. My hands lowered to the
band of my skirt and I pulled it down along with my panties.
“Audrey.” He softly whispered as though he was out of breath. I wanted to
cover my body but willed myself not to. This was Callum. I didn’t need to
hide anything from him.
“You have a clit piercing?” His brows wrinkled. His hands went down to
touch my pussy.
I gasped at the sensation when he flicked his finger. “I’m sorry. When
did you get this? Is this just new?”
I shook my head and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “M-my
abusers, t-they did this to me… ”
He looked at me ,void of any emotions. He seemed to not like it. I
tightly shut my eyes while the memories began to flood my mind.
Each of my ankles we’re tied,forcing my legs apart.The smell of alcohol
reached my nose.
I felt a hand a wet cloth wiping around my private part. My heart pounded
fast and loud,like it wanted to jump, out of my chest. Alam kong may
gagawin na naman sila saakin. Nararamdaman ko…
I let out a scream, my throat already raw and aching,every breath a fiery
pain,but still I couldn’t get enough air. I felt the pain of needle going
through my skin.I broke out in sweat while I panted. I exhaled tiredly
and rested my arched back down the ground.It was, thankfully, a quick
sudden pain but I could still feel the throbbing and mild sting. I could
feel the pressure on my clit,the heaviness of the ring.
“I thought you might like this. I wanted to surprise you…” I bit my
bottom llip and then sighed. “I didn’t even know that the pierced hole
was still there. I just noticed it the other day while I was cleaning
myself and bought a ring for it.”
He toyed the round jewerly with his fingers which made me squirm with
delight. It was pierced through my clitoral Hood. I never thought this
could bring so much tingling sensation.
“Don’t you think you’re taking this a bit too far too soon?” He gently
said, his eyes softening.
“Cal,may tiwala ako sayo” I assured him. “I know you’re the only one can
help me. Ikaw din ang nagsabi, inhibitions are not allowed in this room.”
I whimpered when he gently tugged on the ring. “Why are you doing this to
yourself? Tell me I want to understand you more so I’ll be able to give
you what you want.”
“I want to be objectified, used, changed up, dehumanized. I feel an
enormous relief when i surrender myself to you, when I’m tied up and
blindfolded, when my acceptance is not necessary and my words are not
needed. I trust you enough to willingly give my full control to you
knowing that I could make you stop at any time and regain my control
back. There’s no uncertainty to it.”
He let out a sigh of resignation. “I don’t want to take anything too far.
I’m not going to hurt you but you’ll be restrained. We’re going to need a
safe word, something you can use when things get to intense.”
“Just like in Fifty Shades?” My eyes widened with amusement.
He chuckled a little. “Maybe I should start reading the book. Having a
safe word is a dogma in the BDSM community.”
“Trust.” I said, looking at him in the eye. “That’s my safe word.”
“Very well then…”He nodded and took me to the bed. The straps we bought
from the sex shop we’re ready as if they’d been waiting for me. Callum
handed me a blindfold. I took him from him and put it over my head.
Suddenly everything was dark.
H guided me down the bed and carefully laid me down. He started putting
cuffs on each my hand and then around my ankles until I was spread eagle
on the bed. I was unable to see anything or move. My flesh was exposed
for him to use anyway he wanted. I felt powerless but I never felt more
alive, in control. It was so thrilling.
“Ahh!” I shrieked in surprise when he put the small vibrator against my
nipple. The sensation was amazing. He slid it around and around while his
warm mouth closed on my other breast. He started sucking my nipple and
playing with the other one with the bullet vibrator until they were
painfully erect.
The vibrator trailed down my stomach as his mouth move to my other
breast. He licked, sucked and nibbled on it like he did to the other one.
My inner muscle tightened when I felt the vibrator on my pelvic area. It
slid further down to my folds. He put it against the little ring, making
it vibrate. Overwhelmed with the sensation, I wanted to clench my legs
together but I couldn’t as I was tied. My breath hitched when he brought
it to my opening. He teased me, moving the vibrator around my core and I
took sharp inhale when he pushed the small bullet inside me. I could feel
it inside me, vibrating faster now.
His mouth trailed down until I could feel his breath between my legs. He
left small kisses in my inner thigh and then around my womanhood. I was
melting inside out, aware every part of my body the way I’d never been
before.Being blinded and restrained only amplified the sensation.He used
two finger to part my folds and then flicked my clit ring. He started
running his tongue between my folds while the vibrator was still inside
me. He flicked my clit ring,my pulsed throbbed between my thighs. He
played and tugged on the little jewelry with his teeth.
“Callum…” My head thrashed
“It’s okay…’He said, assuringly.
“Please, I want you… “I begged.
I whined when the vibrator was pulled out of me but I was quickly filled
with him. I felt him stretching me as he pushed himself in. His movements
was slow, controlled, beautiful and deep. I bucked my hips up toward him
and shuddered when I felt every inch of him impaled inside me. Every last
inch. Our pelvis touched as he was in as deep as he could.Callum pinned
my hip down and started fingering my ring,imparting a more concentrated
stimulation, while he slowly pulled out and pushed back in. The pleasure
had intensified to a whole new level that it was driving me insane. I
could feel myself nearing an orgasm. I could feel the build up in my
stomach.
“Callum, I-I’m going to come.” I moaned and come I did. My body limped
against the bed.
I felt his weight over my body and then he was leaving soft, gentle
kissess all over my face.He touched my lips and slipped a thumb inside my
mouth. I closed my lips around it and sucked. I didn’t mean to, it was
just a natural reaction to the fire stoking he was stoking inside my
body.
“Do you want mine inside this pretty mouth?” He whispered to my ear.
I found myself nodding my head. He pulled out of me and I felt his weight
shifting. He was suddenly straddling my head.
“Are you ready?” He asked in a groan
I nodded as an answer.
“Ipaalam mo sa akin kung hindi mo kaya. Pull the rope and I’ll stop.” He
descended, the tip of his manhood touched my lips. I could taste myself
on him. I willed myself to open my mouth. This had just been inside me
and now I was taking it inside my mouth. He started thrusting the tip of
him in and out of my mouth. Callum was a massive man and I didn’t know if
I could take him all in.
A memory squeezed into my mind…
I woke up with my hand tied behind my back while still blindfolded, naked
without anything on. It wasn’t a nightmare. I was abducted and raped. I
could feel the fresh pain between my thighs with every moment I made. But
it doesn’t matter now. Wala na along pakialam king masaktan ako dahi ang
gusto ko lang at makaalis dito. I tried to pry my hands to whatever I was
tied down to. I managed to sit up and tried pulling myself. Suddenly the
rope I was tied down to snapped. Adrenaline kick in. Nabuhayan ako ng
loob. Nagmamadali akong tumayo. My hands we’re still tied together on the
back but my feet we’re not. Sinubukan kong kumawala sa pagkakagapos ng
kamay ko but they we’re tied tightly together. I didn’t have all day.
Kailangan ko nang kumilos. Gusto ko nang makaalis dito. Gusto ko nang
umuwi.
I couldn’t take off the blindfold as my hands were still tied together
behind my back. So i aimlessly walked without sight and knowing where to
go. I had no other choice. I had to take a risk .I relied on my senses
and just walked. Natatakot akong bumalik sila at gahasain ulit ako. Gusto
ko nang umuwi gusto ko nang makita si dad at mama,ang mga kapatid ko.
Nag-aalala na ang mga iyon siguro sa akin.
“Gising na pala ang prinsesa.” I heard a mocking laugh from behind me.
Tumayo ang mga balahibo ko.
My chest suddenly felt tight and my whole body shook. My feet started
moving quickly.
“Tatakas ka pa ha?” Said another grating voice of another man as strong
hands wrapped around my arms.
“Pakawalan niyo na ako.Nagmamakaawa ako. Hindi ako magsusumbong” I begged
as tears flowed richly down my cheeks. “Ano bang gusto niyo sa akin?”
“Ikaw ang gusto namin.” Tumayo ang balahibo ko ng hawakan niya ako sa
magkabilang braso at hinimas ang kanyang mga kamay doon.He smelled
ashtray and alcohol
“Tama na po please, please, ayoko na. Kung gusto niyo ng pera. Marami ang
daddy ko noon. Magkano ba ang gusto niyo? Kung gusto niyo tawagan niyo
siya, ako ang kakausap sa kanya”I sobbed incoherently.
“Huwag ka nang umaarte mageenjoy ka din”He burried his face into my hair
and inhale.
“Hindi ko kailangan ang pera ng Daddy mo. Alam mo and kailangan ko?
Malabas ang init sa katawan ko. Sigurado ako masikip ka pa rin. Ilang
beses ka lang naman ginamit.”
“Ipapalasap namin sayo ang langit. Sa una talaga masakit yan pero pag
tumagal-tagal na masarap na.” Said another voice. They laughed as if it
was just a joke to them.
Gathering all the strength I had, I kicked my foot on the back, hitting
him between his thighs. He let go of me and let out a curse. I ran as
fast as I could.
“Putangina habulin niyo! Pag yan nakawala patay tayo! “One of them
shouted. I could hear their heavy footsteps as they ran after me. I
bumped into something hard and soft in front of me and I fell right on.
“Kala mo ha, hindi ka makakatakas sa amin.” I was harshly picked up by
the arm by one of the men. Then there was sudden silence with no other
noise but my cries. The immediate silence told me that they were up to
something again .I was thrown back to the ground.
“Lumuhod ka. Humingi ka daw ng tawad” Commanded one of the men.
“No…” I refused in between mg sobs. “Mga demonyo kayo! Masahol pa kayo sa
hayop!”
“Palaban talaga ‘to.” A man chuckled.
I heard the unbuckling of jeans right in front of me and a soft whoosh of
a zipper. My cries became even worse as i already had a feeling of what
was about to happen. I vigorously shook my head. “No, please, don’t… “
My jaw was held by a strong hand and I felt something pressing against my
lips. I kept my lips tightly pressed together. Two fingers pinched my
nose together until i couldn’t breathe any longer and was force to open
my mouth. I took in a deep inhale, dragging air in my depraved lungs. I
felt him put a strap on my head and a hard ring-like mouth piece was
placed between my lips, forcing it open. He thrust his manhood into my
mouth through the middle of the ring and i gagged when it hit the back of
my mouth. I could feel it hardening inside my mouth as it repeatedly move
in and out. I could hardly breathe. Mas nahirapan pa akong huminga dahil
sa pag iyak ko. Diring diri ako sa kanya. Sa sarili ko sa mga panahon
iyon. I wanted to throw up. It pushed further in until I could feel it in
my throat. The thrust was brutal, hard. I gagged even more, my stomach
churning in disgust with what was being done to me.
“Hayop mukhang masarap pati bibig ng babaeng yan” Natatawang sabi ng isa
sa mga lalaki.
“Magaling sumubo.” Said another man. “Ilang lalaki na ba ang nablow job
mo?”
“Yan ang nababagay sayo! Sinipa ako niyan!” Sabi ng isa pang lalaki.
Even though I couldn’t see anything. I could feel their stares. I could
feel their perverted eyes on me and it made everything more disgusting.
I felt something warm and slimy and disgusting fill my mouth. I swallowed
some of and then cough it out until I’m vomiting. Nanginginig ang buong
katawan kong napahiga ako sa malamig na sahig. I breathed heavily, in and
out. I laid there and just cried.
“Audrey…” Callum groaned and then I was pulled from my trance. “I-I’m
going to come… I’m coming…”
He thrust furiously in and out of my mouth and then I felt a surge of
warmth inside my mouth. Dahil nakahiga ako, bumaba iyon sa lalamunan ko.
I had no choice but to swallow it. The taste stuck to my tongue. It had a
thick texture and a salty taste to it I could even feel his manhood
pulsating inside my mouth before he finally pulled out.
He pulled down my blindfold and I was able to see him again.
“Are you okay?” He asked.
I nodded my head. He unclasped the straps around my wrists and ankles and
collapsed next to me. Hinatak niya ako sa mga bisig niya at sumiksik sa
tagaliran niya.
“Nabigla ba kita?” He sounded worried
“No.” I answered “Nothing you do will ever be worse as they’ve done to
me.”
“Audrey.” He sighed and kissed my forehead. “If only I have a power to
make you forget all the bad memories. You are too precious. ”
I forced a smile and nuzzled against his sharp jaw “What you’re doing is
already helping me. Hindi na ako natatakot dahil nandito ka na.”
“Sana nakilala ko kung sino ka bago mangyari sayo yun. When you weren’t
damaged and jaded, and filled with so much bad memories. Your eyes were
full of life in your old photos.” He took my hand and clasped our fingers
together. “What were you like before? Were you always this timid, shy
librarian that you are now?”
“Bata palang ako madaldal na daw ako sabi ni Mama. I was the only
princess in our family until Ronnie, my little sister came. I was the
center of everyone’s attention being the only one girl in the family. I
like being around with people. I like going to parties. I had a lot of
friends. I was very social person.” Kwento ko.
“And everything changed after you we’re abducted?”
I nodded my head. “Nawala yung tiwala ko sa ibang tao. Lalo na sa mga
lalaki. I feel like they’re always going to do something bad to me so I
isolated myself. But then you came.”
“I wish I could’ve come earlier. I wish we could’ve met five years ago. I
wish I could’ve done something, Audrey.” His voice croaked, bringing my
hands to his lips and kissing it.
“I promise I’d be here with you as long as you need me. You don’t have to
do everything alone. You are so beautiful and I want you to believe that
you can have a full life, an open life, a free life. I want you to learn
to live again because you deserve so much more than survival.”
“I’m trying, Callum.” I felt a lump forming in my throat.

Mag isa nalang ako sa kwarto ng magising ako kinaumagahan. I slowly sat
up and a red rose on top of the bedside table next to me quickly caught
my attention. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw it. Dinampot ko iyon
at dinala sa ilong ko para amuyin. The rose smelled sweet and fresh.
There was a plate of pancake, a bowl of berries, and a glass of tea next
to where I picked up the the flower. Sa tabi ng teacup ay may maliit na
card na nakasandal doon.I picked it up and read what was written in the
card.
Went out for a jog, Eat up and wait for me.
Love, Callum
I hugged the tiny paper to my chest and threw myself back down the soft
bed. I wanted morning like this. I ate the food and went through Callum’s
closet. Humiram ako ng puting t-shirt at sinuot ko iyon. Nilabas ko mula
sa kwarto niya ang mga plato at dinala sa kitchen para hugasan.
I waited for him just as he told me to .I walked around his house and
noticed one thing. His house was so impersonal…and cold. It was just
furnitures. Dark, expensive furnitures. His house was the type you’d see
in furniture showrooms. Good to look at but it didn’t have any personal
touch. Malinis ang bahay. Eveything was in order. Everything was where
needed to be. It was so impersonal and cold. Wala man lang pictures niya
o nang pamilya niya. I knew he didn’t have a food relationship his
parents but they must have had at least one picture together.
Masyado akong naaliw sa pagikot sa bahay niya. The only room I hadn’t
explored yet was the door next to his bed. I wonder what was in there. I
found myself reaching for the door knob and turning it. It was like a
study room. The walls of the room we’re filled with books and in the far
center of the room was a table and a computer. Dito siguro siya
nagtatrabaho pag wala.siya sa clinic. There were piles of psychology book
on top of his desks and paper scattered over. Iyon lang yata ang nakita
kong lugar sa buong bahay niya.
Lumapit ako sa desk niya para linisin iyon.Inayos ko ang mga libro at
naaga ng pansin ko ang isang puting binder. What really caught my
attention was my name on it.
Audrey Cordova
Binuklat ko ang binder. There were a lot of pages in there. I started
reading it and then i scanned through some pages. I clutches tightly onto
binder when the words in there finally sinking into me. My heart dropped
to my stomach. My palms were already sweating. Hindi ko alam kong maiiyak
o magagalit ba ako. How could he? I trusted him
“Audrey!” The door opened and then Callum was standing there.
My eyes were blurry with tears. “I trusted you…”
“Audrey, I can explain.” He ran his fingers through his dark hair.
Binato ko sa kanya ang binder at tumakbo palabas ng kuwarto.
Chapter Thirteen
Just when I thought I’d found someone who I could give my full trust to,
someone who understood the ordeal I’d been through and wanted to
genuinely help, I found out the truth. I was made into a human guinea pig
without even knowing it. The binder contained everything we’d ever talked
about and done, even in bed. It even had a full transcript of
conversations we had in the past, he probably had it recorded in his
phone or something. It was written in ther my sexual fantasies, my
thoughts, how I reacted with what was being done to me, and his
hypothesis. It was detailed, concise, and so clinical. Like he was
observing a lab rat or something. I was used as a subject in his study on
traumatic reenactment and revictimization.
I was used again. Ang masakit pa ay yung taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko ang
gumamit sa akin. For years, I struggled with trusting people and the
Callum came and in a short span of time, he was able to get me to trust
him. And then I find out he was just like them. He used and violated me
to his advantage. He’d shattered that last hope I had.
Tears began to sting my eyes when I thought of it again but I quickly
blinked it away. I wasn’t going to cry over it now. Tapos na akong umiyak
kagabi. I turned my attention back to the books I was putting away.
“Audrey…” I almost dropped a book when I heard Callum’s voice from behind
me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked in a stern voice.
“You haven’t answered any of my calls or text messages. Kausapin mo naman
ako. Hayaan mo akong magpaliwanag.”
“Stay away from me.” The words came out hard and flat. “I don’t need your
explanation. What I saw was enough.”
“Audrey, I only want to help.”
“You don’t want to help. You used me to your convenience. Wala kang
pinagkaiba sa mga taong nanamantala sa akin.” I felt my throat
constricting.
“No, don’t say that. Please don’t say that, Audrey.” He said in a small
voice. “I genuinely want to help. I want to understand you more and help
people like you.”
“You did it without my consent!”. I tried to keep my voice under control.
“You have a transcript of our conversations, everything we did in bed,
how I reacted and even my thoughts were written there! You make me feel
like I’m a sex freak! Like I’m some lab animal you’re experimenting on.
I’m a human being, Callum! I may be damaged but I’m still a human being.”
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry”. His voice shook. “I didn’t mean to make
you feel like that. I admit, your case piques my interest. I wanted a
deeper understanding to what’s going through your mind. Hindi ko sinabi
sa’yo kasi alam kong iyan ang iisipin mo. You’re not a sex freak. Normal
iyon. People respond to trauma in different ways.”
“For years, I didn’t trust anyone outside of my family but I trusted you,
Callum.” The corners of my lips sagged downwards. “And you broke that
trust. Ayaw ko nang Makita ka. Umalis ka na.”
“Audrey, please….” He took a step towards me.
“Don’t go any nearer.” I glared at him.
“Audrey, I’m so sorry.” His eyes, that were as black as a darkest night,
were coated with sheer sadness. “What we had, what I showed to you were
all genuine.”
“Get away from me! Umalis ka na sabi!” I shouted at him as tears began to
spill from my eyes.
“Audrey, is everything okay?” Mrs. Keri was suddenly striding towards us.
I quickly wiped the tears in the corners of my eyes. She stopped in front
of me and then averted her gaze to Callum. “Is he harassing you again,
Audrey?”
I didn’t answer.
“I’m going to call the cops to assist you out if you don’t leave within
ten seconds.” Mrs. Keri warned.
“Audrey….” He silently said.
“Just leave!” I angrily screamed at him.
His shoulders and face sagged. With heavy feet, he turned to the door and
started walking away. I could feel the pressure in my throat as I tried
hard not to cry. I forced my attention back to the books I was putting
away.
“Are you okay?” Mrs. Keri asked in a concerned tone.
I never knew it hurt so much to smile when I had to force one out as I
nodded my head.
“Aw, you poor, sweet thing.” She asked, her eyes looked worried. “The
next time I see him anywhere near him, I will call the cops and have him
arrested. What a creep.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Keri.” I said.
“Anything for you, darling. I’m going to get back to work now.” Sabi niya
bago naglakad pabalik sa table niya.

Callum had filled a void I’d longed for in my life. He was the only man I
trusted to pit my mind, body, soul, and pleasure into his hand. After so
many years, I finally let my walls down for someone only to find out I
was just some experiment to him. I thought I’d already found an emotional
shelter.
“Ma….” I decided to call my family. I needed them right now. Just the
mere sight of my Mom makes everything feel a little lighter. Mama was in
the playroom, it used to be our playroom when we were little. Now it was
Cookie’s and the other kid’s. “I miss you.”
“Drey.” Suddenly Mama’s smile faded as if she’d sensed that something
wasn’t right. Sometimes I feel like Mama had an ESP. Even when we don’t
say anything, she instantly knows when things aren’t right. Like that
time when I accidentally dropped Ronnie when she was a baby. Mama and Dad
were at a party that night and we called Tito Rome to bring Ronnie to the
hospital because she wouldn’t stop crying. The morning after that, Mama
kept asking Kuya Miggy, Coco, and I if there was something we weren’t
telling them. “May problema ba?”
I shook my head. “Wala, I just miss you and Dad. Kumusta na kayo?”
“Your Dad’s at work right now. Nandito si Cookie at si …..” Mama paused.
“Kumain ka na ba?”
“I had my dinner hours ago. It’s pretty late. I was just about to go to
sleep.”
“How’s the guy you’re seeing? What’s his name again?”
“Callum.” I lowered my gaze. “I….I stopped seeing him”.
“Bakit? Ano’ng nangyari?” I could sense the concern in her voice.
“It just didn’t work out.” I shrugged. Iyon na lang ang sinabi ko dahil
ayaw kong mag-alala pa siya sa akin.
“Baby, sometimes things doesn’t work out the way we want to. Pero hindi
ibig sabihin nun isara mo na ulit ang puso mo. You’ve built a wall around
you and wouldn’t letting anyone in. When callum came into your life, ang
laki ng pinagbago mo. I saw life in your eyes I’ve never seen in years.”
She let out a sad sigh. “Please, Drey, don’t ever stop loving. Kahit
hindi muna ang ibang tao. Kahit sa sarili mo lang muna.”
“Ma….” I bit my bottom lip.
“Tita Drey!” Cookie suddenly jumped into the screen and waved at me.
“O, tapos na kayo ni Arthur magplay?” Mama asked.
“Mmhm!” The cute blonde head nodded. He looked exactly like my brother
when we were little at kasing kulit din ni Coco.
“How’s our little monster?” He never fails to lift my mood up.
“Tita Drey, I’m going to be in first grade really really soon. School’s
about to start and Mymy and Dada already bought me a new bag and a boring
pair of shoes. I said boring because it’s just regular shoes. I want the
one with wheels and you can press a button to turn it into regular shoes
but Dada said it’s not safe for school.”
“Gusto mo ba bilhan kita” I asked him.
“YES!” He frantically nodded his head.
“What color do you want?”
“BLUE!”
“Hi Ate Drey, I’m going to school too! What am I going to be again,
Mama?” Said a voice of a younger child. Hindi ko siya nakita sa video
pero narining ko ang boses niya. I completely froze. Just the mere sound
of his voice was enough to make my chest ache.
“You’re going to be in preschool, baby.” Mama turned her to the child and
let out a sad smile. Thank God, he wasn’t on the video. I’d seen a
glimpse of him in the past but I can’t stand looking at him. “Cookie,
maglaro na lang muna kayo ni Arthur dyan. Lalabas lang si Mama, okay?”
“Okay!” Cookie said.
“Can I say goodbye to Ate Drey?” Asked the other child.
“Maybe some other time.” Mama let out a sigh. She took the pad with her
and went out of the playroom. “Drey, can you at least show him a little
kindness? Lumalaki na siya. Natututo na siyang magtanong. I’m sure
nararamdaman niyang malamig ka sa kanya.”
“Ma…” I swallowed.
“At least acknowledge him as a human being. Kahit simpleng hello lang pag
nandyan siya, matutuwa na yung bata. Huwag mo naman iparamdam na ayaw mo
sa kanya.”
“Please, Ma, this is not the kind of conversation I want now.” I exhaled
heavily.
“I’m sorry.” She quietly said. “Naaawa lang ako kay Arthur. Alam mo bang
ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit niya gustong pumasok ng school? He wants the
same attention you’re giving to Cookie.”
“You know I never wanted him in the first place!” I exploded like a
dynamite and tears began to roll on the corners of my eyes. “Kayo ang
pumilit sa akin na ituloy siya! I already scheduled an abortion and you
stopped me! Sabi mo ituloy ko yun, sabi mo pag nandyan na siya hindi ko
na siya makikita, you said you were going to put the child up for
adoption!”
“Hindi ko kaya, Drey….” Her voice cracked.
“Hindi ko din kayang makita siya! Hindi ko kayang marinig ang boses niya!
Ni hindi ko nga alam kung sino ang ama niyan!”
“Drey, please calm down. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…..” Mama looked at me
with pity and guilt. “I shouldn’t have opened it up. I’m sorry.”
I blinked as if I had been in a trance. Agad akong nahimasmasan. “I’m
going to go to bed. I’m having a bit of headache.”
“Get some rest.” Ma sounded like all energy had been sucked out of her
body. “You don’t have to go through everything alone. You’re surrounded
with people who loves you and cares about you. Nandito kami para sa’yo.”
I turned off the cam and went to my room. I slipped into the blanket and
hugged a pillow.
Sleep was not kind to me that night. My mind wouldn’t let me rest and so
I tossed and turned in bed.
Things hadn’t been the same since the abduction. Wala akong ginawa noon
kung hindi umiiyak. Hindi ako makatulog at hindi ako makakain. Nights
were always the worst; nights when I had difficulty falling asleep. I
would lie in bed and suddenly flashbacks what they did to me comes
rushing back as if I was back in that place again. Whenever I do get any
sleep, iyon lang din ang napapanaginipan ko. I was close to snapping.
Iniisip ko nga lang noon, sana mabaliw na lang ako. At least I wouldn’t
be that aware anymore.
Two months after, I received a new blow. I was taken to the clinic for my
monthly checkup and that’s when we found out I was pregnant. I was
hysterical. Galit na galit ako sa mundo noon. I’d already been through so
much and I didn’t want to go through another ordeal. I packed up my
things and booked a flight to California without my parent’s knowledge.
Dito kasi legal ang abortion. I wanted to get rid of the thing inside me.
It was a disgusting feeling to feel that my body was invaded by a
horrible monster I want killed. That his seed was now growing inside me.
The creature inside me was a monster and a child at the same time. I
never thought of it as a baby. I saw it as a parasite who invaded my body
through rape. I just wanted it gone.
Mama and Dad followed me and stopped me from having an abortion. I
already had the date set. They arrived three days before the abortion.
They talked me out of it, Mama cried and Dad begged me, even getting to
his knees, to change my mind.
Mama stayed with me here all throughout my pregnancy. Dad went back and
forth between here and the Philippines as he had a business to run and he
was taking care of my case. Minsan bumibisita din sina Kuya Migs, Coco,
at Ronnie. Nobody knew that I was already pregnant at that time except
for my family. I never wanted anyone to know. Sabi ni Mama noon we’re
going to get to put him up for adoption so I wouldn’t have to see him
again.
After some months, I gave birth to the child. Mama, Dad and all my
siblings were there. I never breastfed the child. I never let him
anywhere near me. They were the one who made the decision to keep him.
Sila ang nagdesisyon para sa akin.
They brought him back to the Philippines. Pinalabas nilang anak siya ni
Mama at Dad. That Mama was the one who gave birth to him and he was our
sibling. Hindi ko kayang tanggapin ang bunga ng kahayupan nila sa akin.
He wasn’t mine. I couldn’t accept that I had to spend the rest of my life
sharing a child with a man who raped me and I knew I wouldn’t be able to
look at it without thinking of what they did to me.
Kung pwede ko lang ibalik ang panahon, I would have him aborted. I
angrily clutched onto the pillow as hot tears began to trickle from my
eyes.
Chapter Fourteen
I’d survive worse than this. For the past four years, I’d been doing fine
on my own. I didn’t need him but I’d be lying if I say his absence
doesn’t affect me. With him, I found a sense of self that I had lost a
long time ago and all the while he was just using me. I’d been betrayed
by the first man I’d ever let in. I should’ve seen it coming. How could I
be that stupid???I sighed as I pushed my car door open. I pulled the
compartment open and took out my grocery bags. Dumaan din ako sa grocery
bago ako umuwi galing sa library.
My day was mundane as it could get. I never touched my phone because he’d
been calling and texting me. I needed to get used to not having him
around. Kailangan ko na ulit masanay na ako lang. I already had alot of
emotional baggage to begin with and I would collapse if I had to carry
more.??I went inside my house, putting the grocery bags on the counter
tip. I took out all the ingredients I needed to make my dinner. I was
about to turn on the stove when I heard a faint sound of guitar playing
outside.
“And Audrey was her name, a not so very ordinary girl or name. But who’s
to blame, for a love that wouldn’t bloom. For the hearts that never
played in tune. Like a lovely melody that everyone can see, take away the
words that rhyme it doesn’t mean a thing”??I tightly shut my eyes. I
argued with myself wether to go out to see him or not. Ayaw ko sanang
makita siya. It would only make everything harder. I exhaled and opened
my eyes. Paalisin ko lang siya then I would walk back in and I’d never
see him again.??I walked to the front door opened it and saw Callum
standing on the front porch with guitar strapped over him.
“And Audrey was her name, we tripped the light and dance together to the
moon. But where was June… no it never came around. If it did it never
made a sound. Maybe I was absent or was listening too fast, catching all
the words but then the meaning going past.”
You could see the passion he had for music. It was seeping out of every
pore of his body. I wanted to lean against the door frame and just listen
to him sing. His voice was smooth, calm and angelic despite his speaking
voice being slightly rough. If he ever did pursue his music career, I’m
sure he’d be famous by now. There was certain texture in his voice that
made him distinct and special from the others.
“Callum” I silently said.
He lifted his head up from his guitar and looked at me. There were dark
circled under his eyes telling me that he hadn’t had a good sleep.
Tinanggal niya ang strap ng guitar nita at inilapag iyon.
“Audrey, please kausapin mo naman ako.”
“Umalis ka na.” I brought my hands to his chest to try to push him.
“Hindi ka ba nakakaintindi? I don’t want to see you again.”
“I’m not going to deny what you saw. I had our converstions recorded on
my phone. I wrote down how you responded to me in bed. I wrote everything
we ever did togethr in hopes of understanding you more. I need to
understand you in order to help you. I need to know what goes on in your
mind. I want to help you more than you know.” His eyes were filled with
undeniable sorrow.
“I trusted you, Callum. Akala ko lahat ng pinakita mo sa akin ay totoo. I
don’t need someone to study or analyze me. I’m tired of being used and
lied to. I already feel less than a woman, huwag mo nang mas pababain ang
tingin ko sa sarili ko.”
“I was scared of how you’d react. I want to find a way to ease the pain
you’re goung through. Gusto kong malaman mo na totoo lahat ng pinakikita
ko sa iyo.” He lifted the white binder I saw in his office from the
ground and handed it to me. “Here are all the files. Do whatever you want
with it. Throw it out. Burn it. I don’t care. You’re all I care about. I
care about you beyond this and I don’t want to lose you, Audrey”
“Leave, Callum.” I let out a exhausted exhale. “Hindi mo kailangan mag-
explain sa akin. What we had was just sex. It’s better if we stay away
from each other”
He dropped to his knees and wrapped his aems around my waist. With face
buried against my stomach, he murmured. “I can’t. I don’t know what I’ll
do without you. Everything feels right with you. With you I feel like
I’ve discovered my purpose and I don’t feel lost anymore.I don’t want to
go back to waking up with nothing to look forward too. I’m not giving up
on you.”
“Callum, stop…” I tried to pry his arms around me but he only hugged me
tighter. Why does my heart feel like it was being squeezed by an
invisible hand. I was finally able to push him away and took steps back.
I ran inside my house and closed the door.
Napasandal ako sa pinto. He started banging on the door and begged me to
open the door so we could talk.

I had already finished my dinner. I looked out the window and saw Callum,
still sitting on the steps of my front porch. He said he wouldn’t leave
until we talks and occasionally strumming his guitar. Mapapagod din siya
at aalis.
The rain started to pour after I cleaned up and did my dishes. It was
already cold outside without the rain. I had my heater turned on. Paano
pa ngayon na umuulan. Sigurado akong aalis na yun. I peeked out of the
window in the living room and he was still there.
Even though my front porch had a roof, the rain was pouring in torrents.
The roof he was under couldn’t protect him. I could tell from the thick
mists that surrounded my house that it was freezing cold outside. I kept
telling myself that he would eventually leave and closed the window.??I
slipped into my bed and tried to sleep. The rain kept getting louder and
louder, it was as if someone was throwing rocks over my roof. I knew for
sure that it was already raining hail stones outside. Hindi ako
mapalagay. What if Callum was still outside? He wouldn’t able to make it
in the morning kung sakaling nasa labas pa siya.
After almost an hour of tossing and turning, I decided to get out of bed
to get myself a glass of water. Okay, excuse ko lang yun sa sarili ko. I
just wanted to see if he was still outside. To my surprise, he was still
there. Nakahiga siya sa bench na nasa porch ko at yakap ang sarili
niya.?? I opened the light and then the door.
“CALLUM!” I called him out.
He didn’t respond.
Kinabahan na ako kaya tumakbo ako palapit sa kanya. I shook him awake.
“Callum….”??”Audrey….” He moaned.
He didn’t look well at all. It was as cold as a freezer out here and his
clothes were damp. He was probably getting hypothermia.
“Come on, we’re going to get you in.” Pilit ko siyang hinatak paupo at
isinampay ang isang braso niya sa akin. I helped him up and took him
inside. His lips were blue. God, his lips were already blue.??I took him
to my bedroom and set the heater high. Isa-isa kong tinanggal ang damit
niya at kinuha ko ang heater blanket ko at iyon ang kinumot ko sa kanya.
After just a few minutes, nagkaroon na ng kulay ang mukha niya. Hinawakan
ko ang mukha niya at naramdaman kong mainit siya.
“Audrey…” With eyes closed, he took my hand that was placed on his cheek
and brought it to his lips.
“Do you want me to take you to hospital?” I asked, worried.
“I’m okay.” He answered and then let out a faint smile on his lips. “Sabi
ko na nga ba, hindi mo ko matitiis.”
“Cal, magpahinga ka na.” I told him
“Hug me.”
“Cal.” I said in an annoyed tone.
“It’s so cold.” He muttered.
I rolled my eyes and slipped into the blanket with him. He pulled me into
his shaking arms and hugged me. I had no choice but to hug him back. He
felt solid and soft both at the same time and his skin was warm to the
touch. I could feel the steady beat of his pulse. Soon enough his arms
relaxed and his breathing become deep and steady telling me that he’d
already fallen asleep.
This was the first time we’d been physically intimate without sex. I
buried my face into his neck getting the smell of raw manliness that he
emitted. I found myself hugging him tighter. I closed my eyes and inhaled
deeply, intoxicating my senses with him.
My fluttered open. My room was brighter than when I closed my eyes. I
Iifted my gaze and saw Callum looking at me. His eyes shone brighther
now.
“Hey, good morning.” He smiled.
“Morning.” I sat up and felt his forehead. He was still kind of hot but
not as hot as last night.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better.” He flashed his pearly whites.
“Kanina ka pa ba gising?”
“About half an hour ago.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You were so stunning when you were sleep, almost as stunning as you are
awake.” He said, his eyes sparkled with a divine radiance as he looked at
me.
I rolled my eyes at him.
“What were you doing last night? Nagpapakamatay ka ba?”
“Alam ko naman kasing hindi mo ko matitiis.” He propped his head with his
elbow. He lifted one hand to touch my cheek. “Audrey…. you are so
beautiful and I can’t think of anything better than waking up next to
you.”
I wasn’t going to deny it. I was addicted to how he makes me feel. After
long years of solitude, it was nice to feel… desired.
“Audrey, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I want to help you just as
badly as you want to live a normal life. I want to give back the life
that was taken from you. I want to be able to walk you into your darkness
and assure you there.” Lumamlam ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa
akin. I could feel yhe sincerity of his words and I wanted to melt into
them.
“All I want is for someone to understand me. Gusto ko lang naman maging
masaya. Gusto ko lang maramdaman na babae ako, na tao aki… Is that too
much to ask for?” My eyes lowered so he wouldn’t see the tears that were
starting to blur my visions.
“You are not what happened to you. You are what was done to you.” He
said. “I did what I thought would help you. In my years of practice, we
were taught that humans are easy to predict. That the best way to
understand a person is through their pattern of behaviour. That’s what
dictates my perception of someone and how I should deal with them. But
everything I’d learned went out the window when I met you. We shouldn’t
even having this kind of relationship to begin with.”
“Callum.”
“You’re damaged in the most beautiful way. A bit rough around the edges
and difficult to stereotypes. Your eyes tell the hell you’ve been through
and your smiles fought through wars. I want you to know you’re perfect
and I adore you the way you are.” He said, holding my chin between his
two fingers. “I like you, Audrey. I like you alot.”
And I liked him too. More than I should have.
“I’d like to start over with you.” He said. “Let’s pretend I was never
your psychiatrist. I want to start in a clean slate with you.”
“And pretend that you’re just some random naked man in my bed?” I
teasingly cocked a brow.
“Yeah…. that…” He raised his brows with amusement.
“Im going to make breakfast. What do you fancy?” I asked, smoothly
getting out of bed.
“Anything edible will do.” He said stretching out his arms. “Where are my
clothes?”
“I threw it in the washing machine and forgot about it.” I bit my bottom
lip. “Pero huwag kang mag-alala, madali lang naman yun malabhan.”
“Admit it, you just want to see me prance around naked in your house.” He
teasingly grinned.
“Of course not!” I exclaimed, scandalized.
His face shifted into a serious expression. “Audrey, I don’t want our
relationship to be purely physical anymore. I don’t want it to just be
about sex. I want to get to know you, the real you.”
I pressed my lips together, trying to get a hold of my emotions. I didn’t
know what I was supposed to feel or react. So I just shrugged my
shoulders.
“It’s so hard to build a relationship when women are only after your
body.” He groaned in a joking manner.
“Alam mo ang yabang mo.” My face crumpled.
Tumawa siya.
“Let’s start from the beginning.” He held out his hand. “Hi! I’m Callum
Francois.”
I found myself lifting mine and touching his and then I smiled playfully.
“My name is none of your business.”
Chapter Fifteen
“Hey beautiful.” Startled, I dropped the key to my car and let out a
shriek. I turned my head to see him leaning against the hood while
holding a bouquet in one hand. He chuckled, his laugh deep and hearty.
“Callum! What are you doing there?” I asked, putting a hand over my
chest.
“Bringing you flowers.” He said while walking up to me.
“What for?” I asked, pressing my lips together to stop myself from
smiling.
“For being beautiful.” He smiled cheekily, his eyes wrinkling.
“That was so corny.” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I’m trying okay?” He frowned.
“Well atlest you tried.” I shrugged and chuckled.
“How do we do this?”
“Do what?”
“This. In the Philippines the man courts the woman he likes, right? He
said with a tone of embarrassment.
My brows lifted and I couldn’t help but laugh. I didn’t mean to laugh. I
suddenly just felt butterflies in my tummy. I remember feeling this way
back when I was in college. When my crush asked me out. It was nice to
feel this normal again.
“Anong nakakatawa sa sinabi ko?” His face flushed.
“Nothing.” I shook my head and then took the bouquet from him. “Sige na.
Thank you so much for the flowers. I appreciate your effort, Dr.
Francois.”
“You’re very much welcome, Ms. None of your business.” He winked. “I hope
you don’t have any plans for tonight. I’d like to take you out to
dinner.”
“How do I know you won’t be recording our conversation?” My eyes narrowed
at him suspiciously.
He dug into his pocket and took out his phone. “Here you can have this
while we’re together.” And then he lifted both his arms and grinned. “You
can do a pat down search on me if you want.”
“I think I’’ll just keep this until later.” I took the phone from him. I
rolled my eyes and shook my head with a smile on my face. “I can’t
believe you’re a professional psychiatrist.”
“Let’s go grab something. I’m starving. Kanina pa kita hinihintay
lumabas.” He rubbed his belly.
“Fine” I laughed a little. We went to a drive thru and ordered some tacos
and burritos from Taco Bell and we ate at a parking lot. Nothing fancy,
really. Then I followed behind his car and he took me to this cute
outdoor cinema. He laid out a blanket over the grass and we sat there and
began eating out Tacos.
“Too bad hindi natin naumpisahan ang movie.” He said, popping the
burritos in his mouth and taking a huge bite from it.
“It’s fine. I’ve already seen this movie.” I said. A Walk To Remember was
the movie that was playing on the screen. A woman a few feet in front of
us stood up and ran and the guy she was with ran after her. “She broke up
with him. She loves him but they’ve been together for so long and she’s
starting to question if life with him is the life she wants to have for
the rest of her life.”
“What?” Callum asked.
“The guy and the girl.” I said.
“Were you eavesdropping? How did you know?”
“I don’t. I mae up stories in my head sometimes.” I said. “The woman will
go away and try to find herself but eventually, she’ll realize that she
belongs with him.”
“And they’ll live happily ever after?”
I nodded my head and let out a bitter smile. “Who wouldn’t want a happy
ending? My mom used to read us fairytales when my sister and I were
little. I’ve always loved them. It’s funny because I try to create happy
endings for strangers in my head yet I can’t even imagine one for myself.
It just feels too out of reach, too hard to get, too hopeless.”
“That’s not true. Infact, I think those happily ever stories, they
weren’t created for princesses. They were created for those who have
collected broken pieces of themselves. Fairytales were written for you,
Audrey. All of them.” He grabbed me by the waist and scooted closer to me
until I was in between his legs and leaning against his chest. He started
kissing my hair. “If I could, I would take every broken pieces and mend
it back into its original state but we both know that it’s not how it
works. But I promise I will try to ease the pain. I will try to show you
that not everything in this world is painful and ugly. I will hold those
broken, sharp pieces of yourself that no one knows how to deal with.”
“Callum.” I turned my head and cupped his face, pulling him to mine. His
lips were so soft and they were what I needed now. My lips clung onto him
like they were my lifeline.
I didn’t want to stop even when my lungs were begging for air. When
you’ve been deprieved of something all your life, you learn to appreciate
and cherish it. You learn that you must make the most out of it and so I
did with Callum. I felt like I could never get enough of him. But
eventually I had to pull away and we were both panting.
He rested his forehead against mine, brushing his nose against my nose
and he smiled.
“You are so beautiful.”
We cuddled against each other. His arms around my waist as we continued
to watch. Half an hour later, we were heading back to the parking lot to
get our cars. His fingers were entwined with mine as we walked., our arms
swaying together. I was enjoying this ‘getting to know each other’ stage.
“Why does Jamie have to die? They were so perfect.” I said, still
sniffling.
“Akala ko ba napanuod mo na yung movie?” His brows furrowed as he
grinned.
“This is like the seventh time I’ve seen it but I still get emotional.” I
explained.
He turned his head, his eyes on the softer side as he squeezed my hand.
“If I die in the next five minutes I’d be okay because I already met
you.”
“I don’t want you to die…” I silently said, feeling the lump in my throat
at the mere thought of it.
“Why?” He asked in a boyish smile.
“Because I really like you and I haven’t had enough time with you. You’re
always the one lifting me up and saving me and I honestly don’t know what
I’d do without you.” My voce broke at the end of the sentence.
He pulled me to him and kissed me on the side of the head. He let out a
low chuckle. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I pushed him away, feeling slightly embarrassed. “That’s the sappiest I’m
ever gonna get so don’t get used to it”
“Got it.” He laughed.
Our car were parked next to each other. I slipped int my car and before I
could start the engine, I saw him walking back to me from his car. He
gestured for me to lower the window and so I did. He leaned down and
handed me a small rectangular box.
“What’s this?”
“You’re going to need that so yiu won’t miss me too much. Open it when
you get home.” He winked and then pressed a soft kiss on my lips. “Good
night, Audrey.”
He stepped back and I nodded my a goodbye to him before starting my
engine.
I opened the ittle box the moment the door behind me closed. Placed
inside it was a cylindrical purple thing. Initially my brows furrowed but
it widened when I realized what it was. It was the egg vibrator he used
on me.
That jerk.
My cheek heat up in embarrassment but at the same time the temperature
seemed to have gotten hotter even without me having to turn the heater
on. I only feel this way when Callum’s touching me. Memories of what he’d
done to me flashed through my mind.

I took off my coat and suddenly something dropped out of it. I looked
down to see Callum’s phone on the floor. I forgot to return this to him
but it was already late and I was already tired to drive to his house.
I’d give this back to him first thing in the morning.
I headed to my room, changed into my pajamas. I placed Callum’s phone and
the ‘gift’ he’d given me on the bedside table. I contemplated a bit if I
should try it but I still didn’t have enough confidence to do so. And I
was already super tired. I decided to slip into bed and quickly dozed
off.
The next day, I woke to the sound of Callum’s phone ringing. Nilapag ko
iyon sa bedside table para hindi ko makalimutan na daanan si Callum bago
ko pumunta sa library. With one eye still closed. I grabbed the phone.
And it stopped ringing.
There was a message from someone named Raven. Because it was already
there on the screen. I couldn’t help but read it.
‘I got laid off work. I need money for rent and bills. Will pay you back
as soon as I get a new job’
I knew I needed to return this to Callum. Someone needed his help. I
jumped out of bed and went to take a shower. I dressed up and got ready
for work. I made sure I already had his phone inside my bag before I went
to the garage to get my car. It was already eight thirty in the morning,
he’s probably still at home.
I pulled up in front of his house and went to the front door. The door,
to my surprise, was slightly opened.
“If I don’t pay my rent, I’ll be homeless by the end of the month. I’ll
pay you back, I swear. I’m just a bit down on my luck right now.” I heard
a man’s voice from the inside.
“Why don’t you just go back home? Bakit ba pinapahirapan mo pa ng sarili
mo?” It was now Callum.
“I’ll be fine on my own.”
“I don’t think you are. You’re grown ass man Raven. Get your shit
together.” I could sense the controlled anger in his voice.
“I didn’t go here to get lectured!” There was annoyance in the other’s
guys voice and then the door swung open.
The man stood in front of me. He was a few inches shorter than Callum but
he still towered over me. He wore a permanent scowl on his facewhich made
him look dangerous. His presence made me take a step back. Our eyes met,
he had a similar pair of dark eyes s Callum. Except his were more empty
looking and tired. He looked younger than Callum but they were tired and
gloomy.
“H-hi…” I stuttered.
His eyes narrowed at me as if it was the first time he’d ever seen a
human being. He just stared at me and I froze not knowing what was I
supposed to do. I wasn’t used to men staring intently at me like that
other than Callum. It makes me nervous.
“RAVEN!” Calum took fast and big steps to where we were standing.
Still not saying a word, the guy who I believed was named Raven looked at
Callum and then stared back at me. Callum’s jaw clenched, he took out a
wallet from the inner pocket of his coat and took a few bills out. “Ito
na yung pinunta mo dito. You can leave now.”
Nagpalit-palit ang tingin niya sa amin dalawa I could feel the
uncomfortable tension in the air. Callum shoved the money into his chest.
“Take the money and leave.”
The man absently took it, his eyes were on me. His eyes were dark and
sharp like Callum’s but this guy has a more disquieting look. Like he’d
seen every worst thing in the world and he was furious with everyone of
them.
“Raven, fucking leave!” Callum exclaimed. The tension was undeniable.
Finally, that glazed look on Raven’s eyes disappeared and then looked
away from me only to turn his head to Callum. They looked at each other.
“Get out of here.” Callum said in a low growl.
And he did. He took another look at me before deciding to walk away. I
watched as he walked to his car and drive away.
“What are you doing here?” Callum sounded exhausted. I turned my
attention back to him and he was pinching his nose with his two fingers.
“Hindi mo nakuha itong phone mo kagabi.” I took it out from my bag and
handed it to him.
“Thanks.” He said, unsmiling.
“Who was he?” I asked him.
“My sister’s son.” He let out a huff. “He’s such a headache sometimes.”
“I see.” I nodded my head and giggled.
“What are you laughing about?” He lifted his gaze up to me. A look of
puzzle on his face.
“You sound like a Dad when you were scolding him.” I said.
“I’m the only father figure he has. Let’s not talk about him anymore.” He
shrugged and then cupped my face, giving me a kiss on the forehead. Then
he brought his lips to my ear. “Did you use the little gift I gave you
last night?”
“Cal, you jerk!” My eyes widened and I pushed him away.
He let out a hearty laugh.
Chapter Sixteen
He made me feel like a teenager in love all over again. He would randomly
have flowers sent to me, he takes me out on dates, and he calls and texts
me throughout the day. He lit up my life. He’d given me hope that maybe
someday I’d be able to have my happy ending too.
“Audrey.” Daisy, the receptionist greeted me with a smile on her face.
“How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while. I thought you’ve already
been seeing a new psychiatrist.”
Daisy had been working here for as long as I’d been seeing my previous
psychiatrist and we’d been friends since. I never forget to give her and
my psychiatrist then, Cindy, Christmas gifts every year. Mrs. Keri,
Cindy, and her were the only people I regularly interact with before
Callum. She was a nice, stout, middle-aged woman with curly red hair who
likes to gossip. I’d usually chat with her and listen to her neverending
stories about people she worked with while I wait for my name to be
called. That’s why even when I don’t interact with them, I feel like I
already know them through her stories.
“I’m doing good.” I smiled at her. “Is Dr. Francois in?”
“I’m sorry, hun, I believe you don’t have a schedule with him today. He’s
done with his last patient a few minutes ago and usually at this time,
he’s already getting ready to go home. How about I schedule you for
tomorrow?” She suggested.
“I’m not here to see him as his patient. I want to surprise him.”
“Oh.” Her eyes widened into two big circles.
“We’re just friends.” I defensively explained.
“A man as hot as Dr. Callum and a woman as beautiful as you wouldn’t
simply be friends.” She teasingly said and shrugged. “But it’s none of my
business so…”
“Can I come into his office?” I asked.
“Dr. Sophie’s in.”
“Dr. Sophie?” My brows arched.
“The other shrink.” She answered and then leaned closer to me. “You might
want to watch out for her. She obviously got the hots for Dr. Callum. I
mean I can’t blame her, most nurses are crushing on him but Dr. Sophie’s
not as subtle when it comes to flirting with him.”
I bit my bottom lip. I felt something I wasn’t allowed to feel. Jealousy.
I shouldn’t be jealous as Callum and I weren’t in a relationship. He’s
allowed to see any woman he wants to see.
I was about to turn to leave when the door to his clinic opened and a
beautiful woman with brown hair came out. Callum followed behind her and
they were talking and laughing about something.
“Audrey!” Callum smiled when he saw me. Lumapit siya sa akin at
ipinulupot ang isang bisig niya. He gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Hey,
beautiful. You didn’t say you were going to come ever. What are you doing
here?”
“I just want to visit you.” I shrugged.
He let out a huge smile and then turned his head to Dr. Sophie. “I want
you to meet Dr. Sophie Doyle, she’s the new resident psychiatrist that
I’m supervising.”
I smiled at her. “Hi, nice to meet you.”
“Sophie, this is Audrey, my girlfriend.” He said.
“I’m very pleased to meet you too, Audrey.” With hands folded in front of
her, her red lips stretched into a perfect smile. “You are one lucky
girl.”
My head snapped at Callum. Did he just said what I thought he said? He
look down at me with a huge proud grin on his face.
“We have to go. My girlfriend obviously can’t wait for a date tonight.”
He said.
My brows arched up. What a cocky bastard.
“Have a good one.” Dr. Sophie said and starting walking to where we were
standing. She stopped in front of Callum and gave him a double Italian
cheek kiss while her maroon painted finger lightly brushed on his nape.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Callum awkwardly pulled away, looking a bit stunned. She was obviously
flirting with him. Good thing hindi pinatulan ni Callum iyon or I
would’ve walked out right away. Dr. Sophie looked like a woman who’d
aggressively chase after what she wanted. And I knew she wanted Callum.
I’d encountered women like her before.
Callum said a proper goodbye to Dr. Sophie. We went out of the hospital
and to the parking lot.
“I don’t remember agreeing to be your girlfriend.” I said as we were
walking “Nanliligaw ka pa lang. I didn’t say yes.”
“You will, eventually.” He chuckled.
“Ang yabang mo talaga.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“Mayabang daw pero ako ang pinupuntahan mo ngayon.” He teasingly said.
“Kasi palagi na lang ikaw ang pumupunta sa akin.” I said. “Don’t worry,
this will be the last time.”
“I was just kidding.” He said.
I invited Callum to my house and we dropped by the grocery because he
wanted to buy wine for us. I cooked steak for us and made a salad and
parmesan shrimp risotto. I thought it’d be nice to have home cooked
dinner instead of going out tonight.
“Pinaghandaan mo talaga ‘to.” He was leaning against the countertop with
a glass of wine in one hand while I got our food ready. “Mukhang may
balak ka na naman sa akin.”
“You are so into yourself.” I rolled my eyes, placing the salad I’d just
tossed on top of our table. “I just want to make dinner for us dahil
palagi na lang tayong kumakain sa labas. I want us to have a nice
homecooked meal for a change.”
“Too bad I’m a doctor and not a chef.” He shrugged. “I usually just dine
out or microwave frozen meals.”
“Kaya nga ako na lang ang nagcook ng dinner para sa atin. Even your
pancakes sucked.” I said.
“Why are you so hard to please?” He frowned.
We ate a nice dinner together in the living room while we watched the
movie he picked, Django Unchained. After we finished our food, I found
myself in his arms as he spooned me in the couch.
We laid here together not out of desperation, without intimacy or the
expectation of sex. He was so absorbed with the movie, his arm wrapped
around my waist and our feet tangled together. The intimacy we have now
were in a whole new level. I had never connected with someone so deeply
that I didn’t worry about being vulnerable. To have someone understand
your mind, even when sometimes you don’t, is the best intimacy.
“How long have you and Dr. Sophie started working together?” I chewed on
my bottom lip.
He lifted his head up to look at me and his brow furrowed. “I don’t know.
Nagsimula siya about two weeks ago.”
“Mm…” I said. “And you didn’t tell me about her?”
“Well, I don’t think it’s really relevant. I don’t like talking about
work when I’m not at work.” He said and then squinted suspiciously.
“Wait. Are you jealous?”
My brows raised as high as Mt. Everest. “Masyado ka talagang feeling. I’m
just asking.”
“I just don’t see why we need to talk about her.” He said, grinning. “I
mean you don’t hear me talk about Daisy or Lupe or any of the women I
work with at the hospital. You’re jealous, aren’t you?”
“I’m not.” I denied. Good thing all the lights were turned off and the
only thing that was on in my house was the tv and the heater or he’d see
me blushing like a tomato. “It’s just that… I think she kind of likes
you.”
“Well, I hate to break this to you but a lot of woman in SFGH likes me.”
He winked and then lowered his head to kiss my shoulder and murmur
against it. “Too bad I only got my eyes on one woman. Kaya lang ang hirap
ligawan.”
“Nahirapan ka pa sa lagay nay an?” I cocked a brow. “You’re having it
easy.”
“I think you’re just playing hard to get.” His chuckle vibrated against
my skin.
“Hindi ka lang talaga marunong manligaw.”
“Paano ba nakuha ng past boyfriends mo ang matamis mong oo.”
“Past boyfriend. I only had one. Ikaw ba, ilan na naging girlfriend mo?”
“One in middle school. Two in highschool. I was lonely in college so I
had a bunch of short flings. None in medschool, I was too focused on my
studies. And one in the hospital where I used to work, she was a
neurologist. He said.
“So that’s…” I paused, counting it in my mind. “Four girlfriends and a
bunch of short flings.”
“Yeah.” He answered. “Ano bang nagustuhan mo sa naging boyfriend mo noon?
What made him special?”
“Nothing. I was young and everybody’s having boyfriends and he happened
to be a popular basketball player in our school. You know how teenage
girls are and their idea that ‘love’ should be the center of everything.”
“So you just dated him because you were a dumb teenage girl.”
“Exactly. I just wanted to know if love is as magical as how they
describe it in the movies and the books I read.”
“How long have you been together?”
“Six months.” I answered. “On and off. We used to fight a lot because we
rarerly go out on dates and see each other. Hindi daw niya nararamdaman
na girlfriend niya ako. Mahigpit kasi si Dad sa akin at ang twin brother
ko na si Coco palaging nakabantay sa akin. It was an okay relationship
even though it wasn’t how I pictured.”
“You two broke up because of it?”
I shook my head and giggled. “We broke up because I didn’t want him to
feel me up. Pinagbigyan ko na nga siya sa French kiss, even though he was
a sloppy kisser but he wanted to touch my boobs. Pinipilit niya ako sabi
niya wala daw masama doon kasi boyfriend ko siya. I felt so uncomfortable
that I ended up punching him on the face. I think I even broke his nose.”
“That was badass. Poor guy.” Tumawa nang malakas si Callum.
I laughed as I reminisced. “I never saw him again after that. I heard he
even got his nose fixed.”
“I hope I don’t piss you off in the future and I sure hope I’m not a
sloppy kisser.”
“You’re not a sloppy kisser.” I cupped his face in one hand. “I may have
only kissed two men in my life but we definitely know who’s the winner.”
His face went down to mine and his lips touched my lips. We kissed for
what seemed like an eternity. He stroked my hair, his fingers gently
raked my scalp. Each time his lips were on mine, it still sends
electricity down my spine. We pulled away when my lungs were already
burning from lack of oxygen. I took in a deep breath and then relaxed
against him again. He stroked my hair, kissing the back of my head.
“Mama toldt me to only give myself to the man I could picture spending
the rest of my life with. She taught me to wait. I sometimes wish I
didn’t listen to her. If I knew I’d have my virginity taken away from me
in the worst possible way, I would’ve just given it to Sean. Even though
he was self-centered and thinks the whole world revolves around him, he
was better than those men…” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
He soothingly rubbed my shoulder. “Everything will be okay, I promise. I
won’t allow you to get hurt again for as long as I’m here.”

I knew it was already morning when I woke up as the sun was shining
through the window in my living room. With eyes still closed, my hand
tried to reach for my phone under the pillow where I usually place it. I
held my phone in my hand and I tried to open my heavy eyes. I saw
Therese’s name flash on the screen.
“Hi, girl!” She waved at me, the black face mask on her face almost made
me throw my phone.
“Therese!” I said. “You scared me!”
“My pretty face scared you?” She laughed.
“Good morning, beautiful.” Suddenly I saw Callum’s head popped from
behind me through the screen.
“Callum!” Agad akong napatayo. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you mean what am I doing here? We watched a movie last night.”
HE stretched out his arms.
“Hi, Callum.” T waved at him with a smile that reached her ears. “Are you
Audrey’s boyfriend?”
“I’d love to be but unfortunately, she still hasn’t said yes.” Callum
happily answered.
“Let’s talk later.” I told T.
“Ano’ng talk later? We haven’t talked in like two weeks now and this is
the only free time I have. We definitely have something to talk about!”
Nakangising sabi niya.
“I’m going to go to the kitchen and um… make breakfast for us. What do
you want?” I asked Callum.
“Whatever you have is fine.” He said, yawning.
I got up from the couch and went to the kitchen. Inilapag ko sa counter
top ang phone ko, leaning against the wall.
I huffed and rolled my eyes. “Hindi ka talaga nagkamali sa pinili mong
profession. Ang tsismosa mo.”
“Well, what can I say? This is my passion.” She laughed and then pouted.
“You have a lot of things you’re not sharing with me anymore!”
“I don’t know how to tell you about Callum” I said, opening the fridge
and taking out eggs.
“He’s a real hunk. Ano’ng nationality niya? He looks Spanish.” She said.
“He’s Filipino.” Sabi ko. “Him and his family only moved here when he was
a child.”
“How long have you been seeing him?”
“We’ve been hanging out for like two months now. He’s a great guy.” I bit
my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling.
“And all the while you never even mentioned him to me!” T had a look of
exasperation on her face.
“’Cause I know this is how you’d react.” I answered while I heated up the
pan.
“Of course, I’m your bestfriend. I’m just so happy for you, Audrey.
Finally. It’s about time na magkaron ka na din ng love life. After so
many years…” She looked happier than me.
“Do you think he’s finally the one?”
“I… I don’t know.” Kibit-balikat na sabi ko at napabuntong-hininga. “All
I know is that I feel happy whenever he’s around.”
“Then go for it, girl. Kahit ngayon lang, stop using your brain and
follow your heart instead.” She urged. “Saka he’s super hot. Hindi ka na
talo d’yan.”
We gushed about Callum while I cook our breakfast for us. Then the fun
ended when Callum entered the kitchen because we couldn’t talk about him
anymore. Nagpaalam na din si T because she wanted to get her beauty rest
so she’d look pretty on her coverage tomorrow.
“What were you girls talking about?” He curiously asked as he pulled me
to his lap while I put a plate of toast on the table. Napaupo ako sa
kandungan niya. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin
on my shoulder.
“Nothing important. We just caught up with each other.” I answered.
“I see.” He nodded his head. “I’ll be in Nevada next week.”
“What are you going to do there?” I ran my fingers through his hair.
“An annual meeting is held every year by the Psychiatry Association.
Kailangan kong umattend doon.” He explained. “I’ll be staying there for
five days.”
“Is Dr. Sophie going to be there too?” That was the first question that
popped into my mind.
“Sophie will be accompanying, yes.” He answered. “That’s why I want to
invite you to come with me to Nevada. Para hindi ka nag-iisip ng kung
anu-ano habang nasa Nevada ako.”
“I don’t want to distract you from whatever you need to get done.” I
said.
“Come on. We’ve never been out of the States together. It’ll be like a
vacation for us. You will indeed distract me.” He pressed a kiss on my
neck. “But you’ll be the most beautiful distraction. Besides, I don’t
want to miss you.”
I let out a low chuckle. “I’ll think about it.”
Chapter Seventeen
I stood right in the middle of Las Vegas. The sky was dark when we got
there yet the whole city was brightly lit up by the neon lights and
advertisements, hundreds and thousands of them. The whole place was full
of energy that you could feel it in the air. The city was so alive and
vibrant and bustling with activities.
“This is us.” We just got out of the cab where we were picked up from the
airport. Callum was pulling my luggage in one hand while he carried his
travelling bag on the opposite arm.
I looked up at the building in front of us. The humungous building lit up
with golden lights. It brought out the grandeur of the place even more.
This was where we were going to stay. Dito din kasi gaganapin ang annual
psychiatry conference ni Callum at ng mga psychiatrist na dadalo.
“Everything’s grand and flashy and tacky. We’re really in Vegas.” I
joked.
“Hey, doctors do know how to have fun to, you know.” He winked at me.
“Callum!” Suddenly, Dr. Sophie in a maroon bodycon dress was waving at
us. “Hi! Nice to see you. I didn’t know you were going to bring your
girlfriend with you.” She took a quick glance at me and then turned her
eyes back to Callum.
“I can’t leave without the love of my life.” He said, pulling me against
his body. “We’ve never travelled outside of California together before
and I knew I’d miss her so I thought might as well bring her with me.”
I decided to play along, wrapping my arms around his waist. He looked
down at me and wore a grin on his face. She needed to know that this was
my man and I wouldn’t let her have him.
“Oh doctor, Vegas isn’t called Sin City for nothing.” She let out an
annoying laugh. “How are we going to have naughty fun when the girlfriend
is around?”
“He’s still going to get his ‘naughty fun’ later in our room” I smiled at
her.
“I like that.” Callum chuckled.
“I don’t mean to offend you, Audrey. I was kidding.” She placed one hand
over her chest. “We’ve gotten so comfortable with each other that jokes
like that comes natural to us. I meant nothing by it.”
“Don’t worry, you didn’t offend me. Not at all.” I confidently said,
showing her that she was not a threat to me.
“We’ll see you around, Sophie. We need to check in, these baggages are
heavy and I can’t wait to get my naughty fun.” He told her.
“Have a good night, you two.” She said, trying to keep her smile intact.
“She definitely likes you.” I whispered as we walked away.
“I already know that. You have a hot boyfriend, you have to get used to
it.” He snided.
“Wow! Kala ko ba desert ang Vegas? Bakit ang hangin naman yata ditto?” I
said.
“I’m just kidding.” He said, kissing the side of my head. “But seriously,
Audrey, you don’t have to worry about any woman. Ikaw lang ang gusto ko.”
I felt butterflies in my tummy again. I pretended to roll my eyes at him
but at the same time, I couldn’t help smiling. We checked into our room.
Callum went straight to the bathroom and took a shower. He had nothing on
but a towel around his waist when he came out. I tried not to look at his
well sculpted body as I took out my pajamas from my luggage but it was
such a distraction.
I immediately got up and took a nice bath. I scrubbed all throughout my
body until I was squeaky clean and smelled of the peach body wash I’d
brought with me. I got out of the shower, dried myself, and put on the
sexiest nighties I have. It was a black silk nighties that I only wear in
summer when it’s super hot. I slowly walked into the room to find Callum
in bed. He was on his back, wearing a striped pajama bottom.
“Hey…” He held out to me as I walked to the bed.
I smiled and took his hand. He pulled me down the bed and buried his face
into my neck. His lips trailed to my jaw and up to my lips. I gently
nipped my bottom lip between his teeth and a low moan rose from my
throat. Het let go of my lips and then looked me in the eye.
“Good night, Audrey.” He whispered and the snuggled against me. Not a
moment later, he was already in deep sleep. I sighed as I brushed my
fingers through his dark hair.

“I was barely a teen the last time I was here. Vegas is still the Vegas I
remember.” Sabi ko habang naglalakad kami ni Callum pabalik sa hotel
naming. We spent the whole day together. We are at a restaurant and
strolled around and before we knew it, the sun was already starting to
set and the bright lights were starting to shine. They turned on one by
one, creating a reminiscent feeling inside of me. “My dad co-owns a
casino here.”
“The Firebird Casino.” Said Callum.
“Yes, how did you know?” I asked, smiling.
“My Dad’s a businessman too, hindi ba nabanggit ko na sa’yo yun? He
admires your Dad so much. He thought it was a bad move when your Dad
invested a huge amount on what was then Crystal Palace as it was fast
approaching rock bottom. He thought it was a hopeless case. Noong siya na
ang naghandle, the casino boomed like never before. Sabi nga nila Phoenix
Cordova is the modern day King Midas. Everything he touches turns to
cold, hard gold.”
“Kaya siguro kaming magkakapatid gold din ang buhok.” I joked.
Callum let out a low chuckle. “Smartass!”
“Kuya Miggy, Coco and I all had dirty blonde hair just like our Dad’s.
Yung bunso naman naming, si Ronnie, siya lang ang nagmana kay Mama. She
may look more like our Mama pero ang ugali kay Dad niya na mana. Kapag
may gusto siya at hindi niya nakuha, lalo siyang nanggigigil. She won’t
stop until she gets what she wants. She’s driven, too driven sometimes.
Just like The Phoenix Cordova. Si Kuya Miggy naman, he’s more of a
serious type but when it comes to us, he’s really sweet and caring lalo
na with the kids. And there’s my twin brother, Coco, siya yung sakit ng
ulo ni Mama at Dad. She got my friend pregnant at sixteen, his own
bestfriend and my Dad’s bestfriend’s daughter. Si Cookie yung baby niya,
the blonde kid you say on the family portrait.” I enthusiastically talked
until I realized I’d been talking for minutes ow. I bit my bottom lip and
felt slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry. Am I talking too much? Namiss ko
lang sila.”
“It’s okay. I’m listening. I want to hear more.” He encouraged. “I
honestly love the radiance in your eyes and the carefreeness in your
voice when you talk about your family.”
“Wala na akong maisip na ikwento sa’yo.” I shrugged my shoulder. “What
more do you want to know?”
“You forgot to mention the other kid in the family portrait.” He said.
“Oh him…” My gaze lowered. I had shared with Callum every small detail of
abuse I had experienced and how badly I’d suffered from it. But I left
one detail out. I could never tell him that Arthur was the son of a
rapist. He was like a stain I couldn’t get rid of. I didn’t want him in
my life so I’d learned to pretend that he doesn’t exist at all. I bore
the son of a rapist and I have to live with it for the rest of my life.
No one knows and will know how hard it was and still is.
“Arthur. That’s his name, right?” He asked.
I nodded my head. “He’s my… my brother.”
Those words felt like bile in my throat. Nasty, bitter bile. Everyone
knew him as our brother. Ang alam ng lahat anak siya ni Mama at Dad. Sila
ang kinilala nitong magulang. Pero ayaw kong amging konektado sa batang
iyon sa kahit anong paraan. MAsamang masama ang loob ko noong nalaman
kong inuwi ni Mama ang bata sa Pilipinas at inako nila ni Dad bilang
anak. I felt betrayed by my own parents. I didn’t talk to them for
months. I didn’t want the kid to play any part in my life. They said that
after I give birth, they’d put him up for adoption. They kept him and
raised him as their own.
“Akala ko ba si Ronnie ang bunso niyo at siya lang ang nagmana sa Mama
niyo na dark haired?”
“I wasn’t around anymore noong dumating siya sa family naming kaya
palaging nawawala sa isip ko.” I felt every muscle in my body went stiff
from all the lies I’d been spurting.
“Don’t you have any plans of going back to the Philippines?”
Nagkibit-balikat ako. “I don’t know. Maybe… One day.”
We went back to our hotel so he could change to a formal suit and I
changed into an evening dress for the party later. Just when I thought he
couldn’t look any more handsome, he wore a suit. He looked sinfully good
and I knew women would be turning their heads later at the party.
“You are a beauty.” He breathlessly said as he held me by the waist. His
eyes dark and warm as they looked at me.
“You don’t look bad yourself, doctor.” I chuckled, smoothing his suit
coat with my hand.
“Tama lang pala yung profession na nakuha mo. Women are going to go crazy
over you.”
“Ma’am, are you hitting on me?” He said with a playful snide.
“Maybe.” I bit my bottom lip and started playing with his tie.
“I like that.” He nodded approvingly. “Try harder and we’d be staying in
this room all night.”
I rolled my eyes. “We have to go. Sayang naman yung outfit natin and I’m
sure Dr. Sophie would be looking all over for you.”
“Is my girlfriend jealous?” He grinned in a teasing manner.
“I’m not your girlfriend and I’m definitely not jealous.” I frowned.
“If you say so.” He raised his brows, bemused. Then he offered his arm to
me. “Shall we?”
I wrapped my hands around hi sand we went to the banquet hall where the
party was being held.
“Callum!” There she was again in a dark blue sparkling dress with a deep
V-neck that revealed a generous amount of her cleavage. Dr. Sophie leaned
over and gave him a cheek to cheek kiss. “I’m so glad you’re finally
here.”
“Dr. Francois, I am very pleased to meet you. Sarah Mitchells from
Boston.” They shook hands. “I’ve heard so much about you. You’ve only
been in this practice for how many years and you’re starting to make a
name for yourself.”
“Five years. Thank you very much, Dr. Mitchells. Coming from an APA
awardee and one of the best practitioners, I am very much flattered.” He
said and then pulled me closer against him. He turned and looked at me.
“This is my girlfriend, Audrey.”
“What a handsome couple you two are.” Dr. Mitchells smiled. Him, Dr.
Mitchells and Dr. Sophie talked about things related to their profession.
I felt out of place. I didn’t feel like I belong there. I just stood
there like a log while they talked.
Dr. Sophie kept pulling Callum and taking him to chat with different
doctors. This woman also knew how to make a name for herself.
Nakikipagkilala siya sa iba’t-ibang kilalang mga doktor through Callum.
She knew they wouldn’t throw a single glance at her if she weren’t with
Callum. Callum was surprisingly well-known in his field. I found out that
he was awarded the Lasker Prize, whatever that was, for one his research.
I wanted to push her away when she wrapped her arms around one of
Callum’s and I was sure her breasts were touching his arm. Instead, I
stood there, clutching onto his other arm.
“Are you okay?” Callum asked.
“Yeah…” I silently told him
“I know you’re getting bored. Do you want to leave?”
“Cal, Dr. Kusnetsov is dying to talk to you about your research. Can’t
you stay here for a bit longer?” Dr. Sophie batted her thick fake lashes
at him. He called him Cal! Ako lang ang tumatawag sa kanya ng Cal!
“It’s okay, Cal.” I told him. “Marami pang gustong makipag-usap sa’yo.”
He nodded his head. “We’ll stay for another thirty minutes and then we’ll
sneak out.”
“Come on, the party barely started.” Dr. Sophie moaned.
“I’m sorry, Sophie. If my lady here wants to leave, we will leave. She’s
the boss.” He said, kissing the side of my head. I giggled a little at
his sweet gesture and I noticed how Dr. Sophie’s face turned sour.
Callum went to talk to a few more people and then he decided to bail out.
We walked out of the banquet hall and then we were breaking into the
hotel’s rooftop. It was dark up here but the lights below us were so
bright I feel like I’d go blind by looking at it. I took in a deep breath
and let the air fill my lungs.
“Bakit tayo umalis? Kung ako lang ang dahilan, I could just go back to
our room. Kaya ko naman mag-isa.” I told him.
“I’d rather be with you than with anyone else in the world. Isa pa,
kanina ko pa talaga gustong umalis para masolo kita.” He said.
“We’ve been together the whole day.” I rolled my eyes at him.
“A whole day is not enough. I am insatiable when it comes to you.” He
said and his brow arched. “Do you drink?”
“Just wine and champagne.” I answered.
“I only have Domaine De Canton here.” He said, taking a bottle out from
his coat. “You want to give this a try?” It’s a ginger flavored liquor.”
“Saan mo nakuha yan?” I asked, laughing.
“At the party.” He grinned.
“Let’s give it a try.” I shrugged.
And so we did. We sat down and we drank and talk, letting the world
around us blur away into a banner of noise and color. The view was so
beautiful and the wind was blowing my hair and everything felt right.
“Dad told me that Vegas is the city that shines the brightest at night
from space. Can you believe that? We’re at the brightest spot on earth
right now.” I said.
“And you are the brightest thing in my life. You’re like the moon because
even during the blackest of the nights, you shine extraordinarily bright.
I want to be the stars that surrounds you. I feel privileged just having
to sit here and breathe close to you.” He leaned over to me and nipped my
chin between his two fingers. He pressed a gentle kiss on my lips.
“Callum…”
“You are so beautiful. Audrey.” He whispered.
He crashed his lips against mine and then we were lying on the ground.
Our lips did all the talking. There was no other soul in sight but we
were being watched by hundreds and millions of stars.
Our lips parted and he buried his face into my neck. I brushed my fingers
through his hair and counted all those stars.
The walls I had built between Callum and I crumbled down until it was
nothing but dust and there was no turning back. I had stopped wishing for
happiness a long time ago, I only wanted the pain to go away. He came and
suddenly turned everything around.
“Audrey, I love you.” He whispered into my ear.
“You’re just drunk.” I told him.
He chuckled and propped his torso up. “I know what I’m talking about. I
know it sounds crazy but this is real, Audrey. Okay, I didn’t fall in
love with you at some fancy Italian restaurant. I didn’t meet you while
it was raining outside and you were stuck in some shed waiting for the
rain to stop and then I happen to pass by and offer to share my umbrella
with you. Our love story began in my clinic. I fell in love with your
weakness and your strength, your desires and your nightmares.”
“Callum, no…” Nangingilid ang luha na abi ko. “This isn’t right.”
“All of this isn’t. I was your therapist, Audrey. Your goddamn therapist.
I’ve been told to follow the rules, to stick to the guidelines. But when
it comes to loving you, I would rather be punished for going out of line
than never crossing it at all. And don’t you dare say you don’t have any
feelings for me.”
“I do…” I swallowed.
“Then say it.” He demanded.
I closed my eyes and tears began to run down the corners of my eyes. “I
love you, Callum.”
I loved him because it was much easier than loving myself.
“Will you marry me?”
“W-what?” I opened my eyes.
“We’re in Sin City. We can do whatever we want here and we can worry and
regret about everything later on. But tonight, I want to marry you.” He
said.
I found myself saying yes to him. We rushed to a 24 hour wedding chapel
and had a quick wedding. In Vegas, getting married is as easy as buying a
burger from a drive thru. I didn’t want to think, I just did what my
heart told me to do.
“Do you, Callum Francois, take Audrey Cordova, to be your wedded wife to
cherish in love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in
success and in disappointment, to love her faithfully, today, tomorrow
and for as long as the two of you shall live?”
“I do…” He said, looking at me like I was the most beautiful woman.
“Do you, Audrey Cordova, take Callum Francois, to be your wedded husband
to cherish in love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in
success and in disappointment, to love her faithfully, today, tomorrow
and for as long as the two of you shall live?”
“I do.” I answered with a smile despite the tears that blinded my eyes.
“You may now kiss the bride.”
He bent his head down to kiss me and it was the sweetest kiss I’d ever
tasted in my whole life.

“Hold on!” Callum said as I was about to step inside our hotel room. “I
have to carry you in. Hindi ba Filipino tradition iyon?”
I laughed a hearty laugh when he lifted my up from the ground to his arms
and carried me to the bed. He gently laid me down the bed and got on top
of me. He kissed me and I answered back. His kiss was different than the
kiss we’d had before. It was slow and gentle, as tender as the past kiss
had been hungry and demanding.
“I want to love you, Audrey. I want to worship your body. No restraints,
no blindfold. I want to make love to you.” He murmured against my lips.
“Callum…” I moaned.
He removed his coat and began to unbutton his button down shirt, tossing
them to the ground. Then he unbuckled his pants and pulled it down along
with his underwear. Unclothed, his body was like one of those marble
statues I see in museums. I had never thoroughly looked at his wholeness
until now. He was a God personified.
He took his hands and placed it on his chest.
“I want you to touch me and feel me. I want you to be familiar with my
body.” He huskily said.
And so I did. I felt his chest. I touched him like it was the first time
I had come in contact with a human being. He was hard and soft at the
same. I could feel his heartbeat against my palm and it was beautiful
feeling. My head went down and came in contact with his skin. I mimicked
what he had done to me a couple of time before. My moist lips wrapped
around his nipple, teasing the tip with my tongue. He tasted of salt,
arousal, and pure masculinity.
His fingers dug into my hair as I move on to his other nipple and gave it
the same attention. My lips lowered to his sculpted abs, placing soft
kisses on his six pack. He stiffened when my lips lowered further down to
his crotch. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol working but I felt
boldness like I had never felt before.
His cock was engorged, he was big and thick and veiny. I swallowed,
feeling slightly intimidated. The sight of it doubled my heart rate and
intensified my sexual desire. When I felt brave enough, I took it in my
hand and stroked it. I felt every inch of it with my hands.
“Audrey…” He slid his hand inside my dress to knead my breasts, his
fingers playing with my nipples.
A restrained soft growl emitted from his mouth. He grabbed me by my arm
and pushed me down the bed. Then he was undressing me, pulling my dress
and underwear down and almost ripping then off my body. He kissed my
breasts as he had always done before but now I had control. I was no
longer tied down.
I felt like a fragile porcelain doll as he kissed me all over. He made
sure every inch of my skin hadn’t been left untouched by his lips. His
mouth traveled down to my womanhood after spoiling my breasts. He pulled
my legs apart and began kissing my inner thighs.
He spread my folds open and smiled. I had worn the ring for him tonight.
“Beautiful. You are just so beautiful, Audrey.” He breathlessly whispered
before he lowered his head down. I watched as he slid his tongue along my
slit then flicked it against my clit ring over and over. My legs bucked
at the sensation. It felt so good. His tongue lapped at my wet folds and
I had to clench my fists to keep my hips from arching upwards.
I came. For the first time, I orgasmed without the blindfold, the
restraints, the abuse.
He stopped licking me and positioned himself between my legs. He impaled
himself inside me and lowered his body to mine.
“Audrey, look at me. I want you to look at me while I make love to you.”
He said.
I looked into his beautiful dark eyes. It was like staring into space.
“Callum.” I softly whispered.
“Yes, it’s me. I don’t want you to think abuot anything but me now.” He
groaned as he began to move in and out. He took his time. It was gentle
and slow and romantic.
But it just wasn’t what my body was used to. I wanted it hard. I wanted
it rough. I wanted it to hurt.
“Callum, please… faster… harder…” I begged.
A flash of sadness crossed his eyes and I wanted to feel guilty for it.
He pinned my wrists together with one hand over my head and started
slamming inside me. This was what I wanted. This was the closest to
making love I have ever experienced.
We both came almost at the same time. I felt his warmth explode inside
me. He collapsed on top of me, his breathing rapid and labored.
“I love you, Audrey.” He murmured against my neck. “God, I love you…”
“I love you too…”
Chapter Eighteen
Yesterday I was Audrey Cordova and today I woke up as Audrey Francois.
This beautiful thing sleeping beside me was now my husband. I still
couldn’t believe that Callum was my husband. It all happened too fast. We
just snuck out of the party last night and then we were driving to a
twenty-four hour chapel.
“Hey, beautiful.” Callum, my husband, fluttered his eyes open. He gave me
a lazy smile.
I clutched the blanket tightly against my naked body. Does he remember
anything? Does he remember that we just got married last night? I’d only
drank a bit last night and he’d almost finished the bottle of alcohol he
brought with him. Paano kung lasing lang siya noong mga panahon nay un? I
didn’t know how he’d react once he finds out that I was now Mrs. Callum
Francois.
“Callum…” I bit my bottom lip.
“What is it, Mrs. Francois?” He asked with a wide smile on his face as he
sat up.
“You remember?” I asked.
“Of course, I do.” He answered and then his thick brows furrowed.
“Nagsisisi ka ba?”
“It just… it just happened way too fast. I can’t believe I’m now your
wife…”
“Do you regret it?” He asked again.
“I don’t know… I don’t feel like I should. Do you regret it?” I asked him
the same question.
“I agree about what you said about it happening too fast. I was never
impulsive, Audrey. I always knew exactly what I’m doing but with you, I
don’t know anymore. I don’t… all I know now is that I’m madly in love
with you. For once, I did what my heart told me to do. So no, I don’t
regret it. Not one bit.” He lifted his hand to brush away some strands of
hair on my face.
A slight smile spread across my face. He cupped my face and kissed my
forehead.
“We have two options, Audrey. We can either have a divorce or we can try
and make this marriage work. You decide.”
A part of me was telling me that this was wrong, it happened to quick. My
parents taught me the value of love and marriage. It doesn’t happen
overnight. Marriage isn’t something you do when you’re in Las Vegas and
you had a few drinks on the hotel rooftop with the man who looks at you
like you’re more beautiful than the stars in the sky. But I fell in love.
I fell in love with him and the moment we had together. It was stupid and
impulsive but I’d still stick to my excuse. I fell in love.
“I don’t know but it wouldn’t hurt to try, would it?” I chewed on my
lower lip.
A smile spread across Callum’s face and his eyes were a warmer hue of
black. “Alam kong masyado tayong nagmamadali pero hindi ibig sabihin mali
ang naging desisyon natin. I’d prove to you that we didn’t make a wrong
decision when you married me.”
“Pero paano kung ikaw yung nagkamali ng desisyon. I have a lot of baggage
and one day you’re going to get tired of me.”
Callum shook his head. “I’ll carry those baggage with you. Nandito na
ako. Hindi mo na kailangan buhatin yun mag-isa.”
“I’m not a wife material. Maduming babae na ako. Binaboy na nila ako.
Hindi ko nga alam kung ilan silang gumalaw sa akin. I don’t even have
normal sexual desires.” I swallowed the tears in when I felt it starting
to come up. Kaya ba niya akong mahalin sa kabila ng ginawa nila sa akin?
Because I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t love myself. I was disgusted with
my own self.
“Don’t you ever say that again, Audrey. Hindi ka madumi. There is nothing
wrong with you as a person. After what you’ve gone through, you deserve
every good thing in this world. You deserve to be loved so please, let me
in. Let me be here for you, let me love you.”
“What if I’m not-“
“Shh. Enough with the what ifs. This is the what it is. We’re married now
and we love each other. Iyon lang naman ang mahalaga, di ba?” He asked
with warm eyes.
I slowly nodded my head.
He nipped my chin between two fingers. “Hey, listen up. You’re married to
the hottest psychiatrist in town. Cheer up, love.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at what he said. My face scrunched. “Yabang.”
“I’m just trying to make you smile.” He kissed my forehead.

When we got back from Las Vegas, Callum decided to move in with me to
give our marriage a try. He still had his house but he brought some of
his things and clothes to mine. We wanted to get a feel for married life
and we wouldn’t be a real married couple if we lived apart from each
other.
Honestly, I was excited. Callum brought back the normalcy I never thought
I’d have again in my life. Since the abuse, I never thought I’d be able
to find someone who’d want me. I was a mess. I had a lot of issues. I
felt like I was a defective human being who no one knew how to fix. But
then he came and turned everything around. Naranasan ko ulit kay Callum
ang magmahal. I couldn’t wait to find out what kind of life we’d have
together as a married couple. I wanted to know how Callum would be as a
husband.
I helped Callum unpack his things and we had dinner together. Tinulungan
niya akong magligpit ng pinagkainan naming pagkatapos. After we were done
cleaning up, we sat on the living room and he started playing his guitar.
“Whenever I’m weary from the battles that rage in my head. You make sense
of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread. I lose my way but still you
seem to understand. Now and forever, I will be your man. Sometimes, I
just hold you, too caught up in me to see. I’m holding a fortune that
heaven has given to me. I’ll try to show you each and every way I can.
Now and forever, I will be your man.”
He looked up at me as he strummed his fingers in his guitar strings. My
heart swelled as he sang to me with his lullaby voice. The song was
beautiful by itself but it made it even more beautiful because I knew he
was singing the song to me.
“Now I can rest my worries and always be sure that I won’t be alone,
anymore. If I’d only known you were there all the time. All this time…
until the day the ocean doesn’t touch the sand. Now and forever, I will
be your man.”
By the time he was done, I was already teary-eyed. I prayed to God n
asana siya na ang lalaking ibinigay Niya para sa akin. He treated my
scars as beauty marks. He loved me when I couldn’t even love myself. Now
that I’d experience bliss and love like I had never experience before, I
didn’t want to let go of it anymore. I wanted this marriage to work out.
I wanted a family with Callum.
“Hey, why are you getting tear-eyed? Hindi mob a nagustuhan ang kanta?”
He asked, wiping the tears on the corners of my eyes.
“I loved it so much.” I sobbed.
He pressed a gentle kiss on my lips. “Then why are you crying?”
“Because now I have you.” I said.
“Audrey…” He pulled me against him. “From now on, you’ll always have me.
I’ll be with you for as long as you want me to. Araw-araw kitang
liligawan. I will make you feel that you’re worthy of being loved every
day hanggang sa maniwala ka. Hanggang sa matutunan mo rin mahalin ang
sarili mo.”
I wrapped my arms around Callum and he took me in his. “Thank you for
always being patient with me, for trying to understand me when I can’t
even understand myself. My life would still be miserable if it weren’t
for you.”
“No, you don’t need to thank me. With you, I couldn’t be happier. Sa’yo
ko lang nakita ang pagmamahal na matgal ko nang hinanap. You think I’m
saving you when really, you were the one who saved me. All I knew was
darkness but then I met you. You’re the only place in this world that
feels like home. For the first time in my life, I’d experience what real
happiness is with you.” He said, kissing my hair.
I turned my head and kissed him on the jaw. My lips trailed to the corner
of his before I finally placed my lips on his. And then the next thing I
knew, I was in his arms and he was carrying me inside our bedroom.
I was easing more into him now. I was getting more comfortable. I
explored his body the way he’d explore mine. I was slowly learning to
familiarize myself with the touch of his skin against my palms, with how
it feels against my lips.
“Let’s do something a bit different tonight.” Whispered Callum as I
kissed him on the chest while I stroke his growing length in my hand.
I looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“Hold on…” He got up from bed and went to get something from the luggage
he’d brought with him. It was a small camcorder.
“Cal!” My eyes widened.
“This is our first night in this house as husband and wife. I feel that
you’re already opening up to me. I want to capture this moment so we
could watch this again in the future.” He said.
I frowned. “Baka mamaya you’re just recording this for your research
again.”
“I’ll let you have the camcorder when we’re done. Ikaw ang magtago.” He
said, setting it up on top of the drawer beside our bed.
“We’re not porn stars.” Sabi ko.
“Tonight, we will be.” He grinned before sliding back in bed with me.
The thought of a camera pointing at us, recording everything we do
thrilled me. Callum began kissing my neck as he brought his hand between
my thighs. I gasped and threw my head back and sighed in delight when his
fingers run along my folds. His strokes were controlled, the rhythm of it
matched my pulse. I let out a moan when he pulled my lips apart and
slipped a finger inside me.
Callum lifted his head up to look at me in the eyes. “I want you to look
at me, Audrey. I want you to know that this is me…”
And so I did. He added another finger and they darted in and out of me
all the while his thumb was rubbing my clit. I looked down and watched as
his two fingers disappeared and reappeared in and out of me.
“Callum…” I breathlessly whispered as he added another finger.
“You look so beautiful when you’re excited and flushed.” He smiled, his
dark eyes clouded with unadulterated passion. His strokes were hard and
fast, I could feel his knuckles hitting me every time he thrusts his
fingers in.
He suddenly stopped and I almost cried out with need, thrusting my hips
up to him. He laid down the bed and positioned me on top of him. I was on
my hands and knees with my bottom right in front of him and his manhood
on my face. I wasn’t that innocent. I’d seen this when Therese, our
friends, and I were teenagers. We’d clicked on a spam link which
redirected us to an adult website and curiosity got to us. We watched a
few videos with a mixture of fascination and disgust. We just all laughed
about it afterwards.
I took in a sharp breath when I felt his hot mouth on my sex.
“Suck me off, Au.” He moaned.
I took his manhood in my hand and lowered my head to him. Callum released
an appreciative growl that boosted my confidence. I began stroking the
base of his length in one hand while my mouth bobbed up and down on the
tip of it. He lapped on me like a thirstly dog and nibbled on the outer
layer of my folds.
I bucked my hips, trying to meet the strokes of his tongue. I wanted
more. I wanted more than this. I wanted him inside me. I wanted to feel
his length ravaging my insides.
“Cal, please…” I begged.
“What do you want, Au?” He asked, panting.
“I want you to ravish me.” I moaned.
He shifted our position and I was now on my stomach right under him. He
lifted my hips up and he positioned behind me. Callum slammed himself
inside me with such powerful force. I screamed. It was so deep and hard I
was no longer able to think.
He gripped my hair and gently yanked my head back. He gripped a hair full
of fist so he could pound harder. He knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted
it rough and dirty and wild. I didn’t want to be treated like I was a
fragile. I wanted to feel like I was nothing but a vessel for his
pleasure. I wanted to feel helpless and at his mercy.
I came and then he soon followed after, burying himself deep inside me
and we both collapsed. He rolled over next to me, breathing heavily. I
scooted close to him and he pulled me into his arms.
“I can’t believe I’m married to the most beautiful woman.” He let out a
lazy smile.
Ipinatong ko ang baba ko sa dibdib niya. “And I can’t believe I’m married
to a handsome psychiatrist.”

The following days had been nothing but bliss. He was a wonderful husband
to me and I tried to be the best wife to him. I found my purpose again
through him. It felt good to wake up in the morning with something to
look forward to. Before me, I was merely living. I was just surviving.
Those simple things like going to his clinic so we could have our lunch
together, coming home to him, our movie nights together, our weekend
dates…. Those things were what kept my spirit high for the past few
weeks.
I woke up without Callum next to me. Usually, I’m the first to wake up. I
picked up his grey t-shirt and put it on. The shirt was big on me and the
hem grazed just above my knees. I went to the bathroom to wash my face
and brush my teeth and then I exited our room. I found him in the
kitchen, cooking breakfast for us. He was in front of the stove with
nothing but his grey boxers on.
“Cal, what are you doing there?” I asked, yawning and stretching my arms.
“Good morning, wife.” He pressed a kiss on my lips. “Nagluto na ako ng
breakfast natin. Do you want coffee or tea?”
“Just tea, please.” I told him.
He poured a hot water to a cup and dropped the teabag in. we sat on the
table and ate our breakfast together.
“The last time I had your pancake it was so rubbery I felt like I was
chewing on a huge gummy bear.” I complained.
“Sinarapan ko na yung pancake ko kaya di mo na mapipintasan yan.” He
winked at me.
I chuckled and took a bite. It was soft and fluffy like how a normal
pancake would be. “I am impressed, Dr. Francois.”
“You should be. Isn’t that the best pancake you’ve ever had in your
life?”
“You are so quick to cling on your small achievements and milk everything
you can out of it.” I shook my head, laughing.
“Audrey, honey…” My body stiffened when I heard a familiar voice. Was I
just imagining it? I hoped it was just my imagination. “We’re here!”
I just heard my Mama’s voice from the living room. My head snapped at
Callum to see his reaction. I wanted to know if he, too, heard what I
just heard. Callum put his mug down and stared at me with brows furrowed.
I chewed on my bottom lip.
“Audrey, nasaan ka na ba-” Mama’s head peaked through the dining room
door frame.
Agad na nahagip ng mga mata niya si Callum as he was the one facing the
door. Her eyes initially flew up in shock.
“Ma…” Lumingon ako sa kanya at tumayo sa upuan.
Her eyes softened and she smiled at me. She held out her arms to me and I
walked up to give her a hug. Her familiar cologne filled up my nostril
and I inhaled it even more.
“I missed you, Ma.” I told her.
“I missed you, too.” She rubbed my back before pulling away. Her eyes
averted to Callum.
“How are you?”
“I’m doing good, Ma’am.” Callum politely nodded, his face void of any
expression. He was probably just as shocked as I was.
“Where’s Dad?”
“Tinabi lang yung luggage naming sa room,” She said. They had their own
bedroom here in this house. Doon sila natutulog kapag binibisita nila ako
ditto. Mama’s head snapped at Callum, who couldn’t stand up because he
had nothing on but his boxers. “Oh God! Paano ‘to?”
“Ma, bakit hindi niyo naman kasi sinabi sa akin na pupunta kayo?” I
gently muttered. Callum would be so dead when Dad sees him.
“Biglaan kasi.” Mama bit her bottom lip.
“Cass, Drey…” I heard Dad’s voicing from the hallway.
I tightly shut my eyes. I heard Dad’s footsteps on the wooden floor
growing louder and louder. And in a few seconds, he was standing behind
Mama.
“Drey, my baby girl.” Malapad ang ngiting bati niya sa akin. “Come here,
give Daddy a hu-”
His eyes flew to the table where Callum sat.
“Who the hell is he, Audrey?” Dad’s voice boomed throughout the room.
“Nick, calm down.” Agad na humarap si mama sa kanya at hinawakan siya sa
dibdib.
“There’s a fucking naked guy in my daughter’s dining room and you’re
telling me to calm down?” His jaw clenched.
“Dad, I can explain.” I massaged my temples.
“You better do, young lady!” He exclaimed and looked at Callum. “Who the
hell are you?”
“Babe, your daughter’s twenty-five. Matanda na siya para magdesisyon para
sa sarili niya.” Mama tried to keep him away from Callum. Hinarang niya
ang sarili niya kay Dad.
“Do you fucking talk english? Didn’t you hear what I just asked you? Who
the fuck are you?” Dad asked again.
“I am Callum Francois, sir.” Cal calmly answered, still on his seat. The
poor guy couldn’t stand up. It would be so awkward if he did. My parents
would see him in his boxers.
“What are you doing here, you son of a bitch?” Dad asked his tone hard
and harsh.
“Dad, we’re living together now. He’s my husband.” I said.
Chapter Nineteen
Callum and I were fully clothed now as we sat in the living room with my
parents. Dad’s face was flushed with anger as he held a glass of whiskey
in one hand to calm his nerve. While Mama’s hand rubbed Dad’s thigh
soothingly as if it was her way of trying to calm him down.
“Tell me you’re kidding, Audrey. Tell me this is just a joke.” Dad said,
putting his glass down the coffee table.
“No, Dad. Kasal kami ni Callum.” I chewed on my lower lip.
“Why are you kids doing this to me?” He muttered as he massaged his
temple. “Bakit ginagawa niyo sa akin ‘to?” Kayong magkakapatid, mula sa
Kuya Miggy hanggang sa’yo ba naman? Medyo nabunutan na nga ako ng tinik
sa kambal mo, ngayon ikaw naman.”
“Babe, don’t stress yourself out. Audrey’s old enough to make her own
decisions. Pakinggan muna natin ang explanation nila.”
“We don’t even know who the fuck this is!” He held his hand out to
Callum. “Tapos malalaman kong asawa ito ng anak ko.”
“I know who he is. Napakilala na sa akin ni Audrey si Callum noon.” Mama
defended.
“And you didn’t even tell me?”
“Because I know this is exactly how you’d react.”
“Kung matinong lalaki yan, magpapakilala muna sa atin yan bago siya
nagpakasal sa anak ko.” Dad said in controlled anger. “How long have you
even known each other?”
“Dad, we love each other.” I said.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Cordova. I guess it just never crossed my mind. I’ve
always been independent and I’m used to doing things on my own. Hindi ko
naisip kayong pamilya ni Audrey. I didn’t mean to disrespect you.” Callum
apologized with his head hung low.
“Iba naman kasi ang culture ng mga kabataan dito sa US.” Mama explained
to Dad.
“Hindi pa rin tama iyon! Tayo ang mga magulang niya pero wala tayong
kaalam-alam na kasal na ang anak natin!” Dad’s voice boomed in fury.
“Kung hindi namin nalaman ito, wala ka bang balak sabihin sa amin, Drey?”
“This is so stupid and impulsive. What if he’s just after our money?”
“Mr. Cordova, I don’t need your family’s money. I may not be as wealthy
as you but I earn enough to give Audrey a comfortable lifestyle.” He said
in an even tone. He obviously was offended by Dad’s remark, his eyes were
of distaste.
“He’s a doctor, Dad.” I defended him. “Dad naman, asawa ko na si Callum.
Please, don’t be like this.”
“How can you tell me not to be like this when you married a man we don’t
even know!” He brushed his fingers through his golden hair in
frustration.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I’m so sorry. I know it was impulsive but I love him.
I’ve been trapped in the past for so many years. Akala ko nga hindi ko na
mararanasan ulit sumaya. But then Callum came and turned everything
around. Dad, I just want to be happy.” My voice croaked at the effort not
to cry.
Dad’s hard face slowly softened as he looked at me.
“Oh, Audrey.” Ma said her eyes watering with understanding and pity.
“Mahal na mahal ka namin ng Daddy mo. We just want the best for you. I
understand where you’re coming from pero naiintindihan ko din ang Dad mo.
We just wish you told us about this. Nabigla lang kami ng Dad mo.”
“We want you to be happy, Drey. You’ve been through a lot and I’d give
you all the happiness in the world if I could. Wala akong hinangad kung
hindi ang maging maayos kayong magkakapatid. I would protect you at all
cost and the last thing I’d want is to see you hurt.” Dad quietly said.
“Sir, mahal ko si Audrey. I’ve never loved any woman as much as I love
your daughter.” He clasped our fingers together. “Marrying her in Vegas
was a spur of the moment decision but it was the best decision I’ve ever
made in my whole life.”
Dad leaned back against the couch and let out a long, deep exhale. “You
married in Vegas? You don’t know what you two have gotten yourself into.
Marriage is not that easy. Kahit kami nga ng Mama mo, I’ve loved her
since she was sixteen but we still struggled. This kind of relationship
we have didn’t happen overnight. We struggled really hard to get to where
we are now.”
“Dad, I know that…” I said.
“Have you considered divorce?” He asked.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Callum. I didn’t want divorce and the look on
Callum’s dark eyes told me that he was against the idea.
“We decided we want to give this a try, Dad.” My eyes went back to my
parents.
“We’re already married and we love each other, Mr. Cordova. Wala naman
sigurong masama kung susubukan namin. Hindi ko pag-iinteresan ang pera
niyo dahil may sarili akong pera. You don’t have to worry about Audrey
dahil kayang kaya ko siyang buhayin.” He said, keeping a straight face.
“You don’t understand the pain my daughter went through.” Dad said, his
voice weak.
“I do, Mr. Cordova. I know everything she’s gone through. I want her
happy just as much as you.” Callum told Dad.
“Hindi na ba talaga kita mapipigilan?” Dad looked at me.
“We love each other, Dad. Divorce isn’t an option right now. We can get a
divorce anytime we want but we’re choosing to make this marriage work.”
“Very well, then. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.” He said
and looked at Callum. “But if my daughter comes to me crying. I swear,
you will regret the day you were born.”
“I understand, sir.” Callum nodded his head.
“Nasaan na ba ang mga magulang mo, Callum?” Mama asked.
“They’re gone. Dad died of cancer and Mom soon followed after.” He
answered.
“I’m sorry.” Ma’s face softened with sympathy.
“It was a long time ago.” Callum said.
“May mga kamag-anak ka pa ba?” Tanong ni Dad.
“I have a sister but she lives in a different State. We’re not a close-
knit family, sir, never have been.”
“I see. My daughter said you’re a doctor?”
“I am a psychiatrist, sir. I’m originally from Baltimore. I used to work
at John Hopkins but I happened to land a job here at San Francisco
General Hospital.” Callum answered.
“How long have you two been married?” Dad asked.
“Almost three weeks.” I bit my bottom lip.
“Nagpunta kami dito ng Mama mo para sabihin sa’yo na ikakasal na ang
kambal mo.”
Dad sighed. “Pero hindi namin alam na mas nauna ka pa pala.”
“Who’s he going to get married to? Bakit wala siyang nabanggit sa akin?”
I asked feeling happy and excited for my brother.
“Biglaan din iyon. Magpapakasal na sila ni Anais.” Dad said.
“Finally.” My lips stretched into a smile. “Oh, I’m sure matutuwa si
Cookie! Magigin complete na ang family niya. How is he?”
“Malaki na si Cookie and he’s a very smart boy. Nagmana lang sa
kapilyuhan sa Dada niya pero matalinong bata.” Nakangiting kwento ni
Mama.
“I miss him so much.” I sighed.
“Kaya nga kami nagpunta ditto para sunduin k asana. Anais and Coco wants
you as their Maid of Honor.” Mama smiled.
“Ma…”
“They knew you were going to say no kaya hindi nila muna sinabi sa’yo.
Iyon na lang ang hinihinging wedding gift ng dalawa sa’yo. Pagbigyan mo
na…” Ma said.
“Why don’t you come with us, Callum? Para naman makilala ka din ng
pamilya.” Dad suggested.
“That’s not a bad idea.” Mama nodded her head.
Callum looked at me as if asking what he should tell them.
“Now that you’re my daughter’s husband, parte ka na ng pamilyang ito.
Unlike yours, we’re a tight knit family. I want to get to know you more.
Gusto ko din makilala ka ng mga anak ko at gusto kong makilala mo din
sila.” Tiim na sabi ni Dad.
“Dad, I’m not even sure if I’m going to Coco’s wedding.” Sabi ko.
“That’s your twin brother’s wedding, Audrey.” Ma reminded.
“I know but…” I trailed off, biting my lower lip.
“Drey, they’d be very disappointed if you don’t come to their wedding.”
Sabi ni Mama.
“I’d have to think about it, Ma.”

Dad and Callum were on the living room right now, they were having a
drink and I was sure Dad was interrogating my husband. Mama and I went to
the grocery store together earlier and had to leave the two. Natatakot pa
nga ako noong una dahil baka awayin ni Dad si Callum. But I thought they
were getting along just fine now.
Dad had always been meticulous and details were his forte. Lahat ng bagay
kailangan niyang suriin. I knew that was what he was doing to Callum. He
was observing him. He was trying to dig deeper into him. Callum looked
intimidated and stiff at first but now I think he was slowly loosening
up.
We had our dinner together and after dinner, Dad grabbed a bottle of
brandy and invited Callum to drink with him. I peeked through the living
room and the two were still having a drink, talking about God knows what.
“How’s married life?” Ma asked.
I turned to see Ma with a smile on her face. I couldn’t help but smile
too.
“I feel like I’m on cloud 9 everyday, Ma. Masaya ako kay Callum.”
“I can tell…” She said.
“Biglaan ang pagpapakasal namin pero hindi ko pinagsisisihan iyon. I
never thought I’d find happiness again.”
“You deserve it, Drey.” Lumamlam ang mga mata ni Mama. “Iyon lang ang
gusto namin ng Dad mo. Ang makita kang masaya ulit. If Callum makes you
happy, masaya na din kami para sa’yo.”
“Thanks, Ma.” I hugged her.
“Anything for our princess.” She said, rubbing my back.
“Ma, do you think we’ll last?”
“No one can tell. Back then, I didn’t even think my marriage with your
father would last but look at us now.” Ma said with a nostalgic smile.
“Ano ba ang secret niyo ni Dad?”
“Syempre dapat palagi kayong may tiwala sa isa’t-isa. You need to try to
always understand each other. Importante din yung communication. And of
course, sex. Lots of it.”
“Ma!” My eyes widened as I laughed. I never in my wildest imagination
thought I’d hear the last part from my own mother. I mean, of course, we
did get the birds and bees lesson from Mama but that was as far as it
could get.
“Sinasabi ko lang.” Ma laughed along. “Men are sexually irrepressible,
it’s their nature.”
“So you and Dad still…” I couldn’t even finish my sentence because I was
giggling so hard.
“Of course, we’re still active. Hindi pa naman kami ganon katanda.” Ma
answered. Ma may be in her 40s but she looked younger than her age. You
could mistake her for a woman in her late 20s or early 30s. There was not
a single wrinkle on her face. Si Dad din naman, he doesn’t look like he
was in his 50s. If anything, time had only made Dad look more refined and
dignified.
“Drey…” Sumeryoso ang muka ni Mama. “It will be nice kung pupunta ka sa
wedding ni
Coco. Matutuwa ang kambal mo at miss na miss ka nan g mga kapatid mo pati
ni Cookie. You don’t have to scared of anything, honey. Hinding-hindi
hahayaan ng Dad mong masaktan ka pa ng kahit na sino.”
“I know that.” I took a deep breath.
“Drey, please.” Ma said.
“Pag-iisipan ko muna, Ma.” I said.

My head was resting on top of Callum’s chest while my fingers traced

random shapes on his skin. I knew from his breathing that Callum was
still awake. I looked up at him. His eyes averted to me from the ceiling
and he gave me a lazy smile.
“What are you thinking of?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “Nothing. What about you?”
“Iniisip ko yung wedding ni Coco. I don’t know if I should go…” I
silently said.
“You should because I’m going to be there.” Sabi naman ni Callum.
“Pumayag ka?” I lifted my head up, my brows furrowed as I looked at him.
“Your Dad didn’t give me a choice. He said I have to be there.”
“You should’ve said no!”
“He said he’ll disown me as his son-in-law if I don’t come to your
brother’s wedding. Kailangan daw akong makilala ng pamilya niyo.” He
played with a few strands of my hair.
“Ugh! Si Dad talaga! Napasubsob ako sa dibdib niya. “You don’t have to
go. Just tell him you can’t leave your job here.”
“I don’t want to get on Dad’s bad side.”
“Dad?” My brow arched.
“Ganon na kayo ka-close?”
He chucled. “He’s my father-in-law. What am I supposed to call him?”
I shrugged.
“Hindi naman ako makatanggi sa Dad mo baka sabihin niya hindi ako
marunong makisama. Besides, I haven’t been in the Philippines since I was
a teenager. Ayaw mo bang umuwi at makita ang pamilya mo?” He asked.
I didn’t answer. Instead, I shifted and turned my back on him. Callum
spooned me, wrapping his arm around my waist. There was something i never
told him, something he doesn’t know about me and wouldn’t want him to
know.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” He gently asked, his lips playing on the shell of my
ear. “Audrey, wala kang dapati ikatakot. I’ll be with you and I promise,
I won’t let anyone hurt you. You’re my wife now. I want to meet your
family and I want to get to know you better. Let go, Audrey. I want you
to let go of your past.”
“Okay.” My voice squeaked.
“Okay?”
“Okay, we’ll go to my brother’s wedding.”
Chapter Twenty
Ma and Dad were sitting on the chairs across the aisle. There were only
the four of us in here and we had the business class cabin to ourselves
the whole flight. We were in one of Tito Seth’s commercial airplane. His
family owns an airline company. When we were a little younger and we’d go
on family trips abroad, we’d usually use one of Tito Seth’s private jets.
But since it was just Mama, Dad, Callum and I, we decided to take a
commercial flight to the Philippines. I looked out of the window as the
plane came to a halt. After four long years, I never thought I’d go back
to this place again. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman. I
was excited but at the same time I was a bit scared. I didn’t know what
was waiting for me here.
“Audrey…” Callum, who was sitting next to me, took my hand. “Are you
okay?”
I turned my head to face him and nodded. I’d finally get to see my family
and friends. Iyon na lang ang iniisip ko. I didn’t want to think anything
else.
“They’re so excited to see you, Drey.” Mama smiled.
“Hindi nga makapaniwala si Coco na uuwi ka. Kanina pa ako minemessage,
maya’t-maya ang tanong kung malapit na ba tayo.” Dad said.
We got up from our seats when the flight attendant told us that we could
get off the plane now. I hesitated at first but Callum held out his hand
to me. I took it and stood up. Ma and Dad gave an encouraging nod.
“Callum, we’re a big family. Saka may mga bata kaya medyo magulo sa
bahay. I’m just giving you a heads up.” Ma said as we walked through the
air bridge, her arms around Dad’s arm.
“Hindi ka bisita dito. You’re my daughter’s husband. Ikaw ang makisama.”
Dad coldly shrugged.
“Nick naman.” Ma scolded.
“I understand, Mr. Cordova.”
“Akala ko ba Dad na?” I teasingly whispered to him. Because when Dad’s
not around, he calls him Dad too.
He just gave me a sideway glance and pressed his lips together, trying to
stop himself for grinning like an idiot.
“What did you say, Drey?” Lumingon sa akin si Dad.
“Nothing.” I shook my head.
We had our passport stamped and then we walked to the arrival area. My
heart pounded like a jackhammer. For the first time in years, I could
believe I was home again. The first person I saw was Cookie. He was
sitting on Coco’s shoulder holding up a sign that said
‘Welcome Home, Audrey’, obviously written by a kid and decorated with a
bunch of stickers. Halos maluha ako nang makita ko sila. I ran to them
and gave my twin brother a huge hug.
“Welcome home, sis.” He hugged me tightly. “We all missed you.”
“I missed you too.” My voice was already cracking.
We quickly pulled away so I could get a look at my handsome nephew.
“Hi, Tita Drey!” The cute little boy waved at me.
“Cookie, I missed you! Halika nga dito, give Tita Drey a huge bear hug!”
I told him. He climbed down his Dada’s shoulder and hugged me. “You’re so
big already!”
“Cause Mymy makes me drink lots of milk! He said.
“Napakakulit na niyang pamangkin mo. He’s like his Dada.” Anais said,
rolling her eyes and shaking her head.
“ANAIS!” I ran up to her and hugged her. “Finally! Magiging sisters-in-
law na din tayo! I’m so excited for your wedding.”
“Maid of Honor ka ah.” She said.
“Of course, kaya nga ako umuwi dito.” I said with a wide smile.
“Hey mister! Why are you staring at us? Don’t you know it’s rude to
stare?” Cookie asked Callum with a frown.
“Cookie!” Sabi ni Anais at kinuha ang anak niya. She looked at Callum
apologetically.
“Hindi ba sabi mo yun Mymy? Stranger danger!” He said.
I laughed. He was still the bright little boy I knew. I walked up to
Callum and wrapped my arms around his upper arm. “This is my husband, Dr.
Callum Francois.”
“Hey little guys, can I get a high five?” He sweetly smiled at him and
held his palm out.
Cookie jumped and gave him a high five. “I thought you’re a stranger.”
“Husband?!” Coco exclaimed and blinked. “Your husband?”
“Yes, my husband.”
“I’m very pleased to meet you.” Callum nodded, acknowledging him.
“Ma, Dad!” Tawag ni Coco kina Mama at Dad na ngayon ay papalapit sa amin.
They were walking with Kuya Miggy who had a tray of coffee in one hand
and Ronnie, Dad was holding a little boy in one arm and Ma was dotting on
him. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa nakita ko at agad akong
tumalikod.
“What is it?” Dad asked.
“Audrey has a husband!” Sumbong niya.
“We know.” Dad flatly answered.
“Oh my God, Ate!!!” Ronnie hugged me from behind. “I so missed you.”
I slowly turned to face her. I was careful not to lift my gaze so I
wouldn’t see what I didn’t what to se. I hugged Ronnie. “Hey, dalagang-
dalaga ka na. Saan ba kayo galling?”
“We went to the coffee ship. Kanina pa kasi kami ditto at nagutom itong
si Art-“ She paused and then pulled away from the hug. She knew how I
didn’t like talking about him. Tumingin siya kay Callum “Is he your
husband?”
“Yes, siya si Callum.” I introduced him
“I’m Miguel, their older brother.” Lumapit si Kuya Migs sa amin.
“Nice to meet you.” Sabi naman ni Callum
Kuya Miggy offered us a cup of coffee. I took one and Callum politely
refused.
“I heard you’re a psychiatrist.” Kuya Miggy said.
“Yes, I am.” He answered.
“Maganda pala yun, may psychiatrist na tayo. Baka magamot mo itong
kapatid namin. May sayad ‘to eh, nabagok kasi noong bata.” Coco patted
Ronnie’s shoulder.
“Kuya!” Ronnie snapped her head to Coco and frowned at him “You are so
mean to me! I don’t have sayad!”
“Tama na yan! Baka mamaya magkapikunan na naman kayo.” Saway ni Mama bago
lumingon kay Callum. “I told you. Nasa airport pa lang tayo nito ah! Wait
til we get home.”
“Oh Kuya Miggy!” I threw my arms around my older brother.
“Glad to see you here again.” He hugged me and affectionately rubbed my
back. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, Kuya. Every one of you.” I said and then we pulled
away from the hug.
“Hi, Ate Drey!” I heard a tiny voice of a child say. I was sure it wasn’t
Cookie. I pretend I didn’t hear anything and turned to the opposite
direction.
“Hey, little guy.” Callum waved at him.
“Who are you?”
“My name’s Callum.”
“I’m Arthur.”
“Nice to meet you, Arthur.”
“Are we going to get picked up?” I asked, trying to divert my attention
elsewhere.
“There’s already a van waiting for us in the parking lot.” Kuya Miggy
said.
“Then what are we doing here? Let’s go.” Aya ni Dad.

“Ikaw lang ba ang gumawa nitong banner?” I fondly asked Cookie as I held
the welcome home sign.
“Arthur and I did that. Well, I did the writing because Arthur still
doesn’t know how to write.” Sabi ni Cookie. Cookie was strapped in his
booster seat in the front row with Anais and Coco. Callum, Kuya Miggy and
I sat on the middle row and Dad and Mom with Ronnie and the kid sat on
the last row.
“Yeah, I helped too! Nilagay ko yung stickers!” The kid proudly said. I
feel a squeeze in my heart every time I hear him talk. Why did I think
this was a good idea? We should’ve just taken a cab! I wanted nothing
more than to get out of here.
“Ate Drey, I also made a welcome card for you. I drew you and me together
in the card.” He said.
Yumakap ako sa braso ni Callum at humilig sa balikat niya. The tension
around us was thick and heavy. Alam kong nakikiramdam lang si Mama at
Dad. Buti na lang at nakatulog si Callum. I didn’t want him to notice
anything.
“Ate Drey?” He called out again.
“Nakatulog na yata ang Ate Drey mo. Let’s not disturb her, okay?” She’s
probably really tired.” Mama told the kid.
“Okay.” I heard him answer. “I’m sorry, Ate Drey.”
My heart clenched with a new ache as I tightly shut my eyes. He wasn’t
supposed to be here. I didn’t want him here. He was nothing but a painful
memory, a living proof of what had been done to me. It was really painful
because the child reminded me of all the options that was taken from me
without my consent. Once when I was raped and again when I conceived.
The van stopped and we all went into the house. They already had food
ready for us when we got there. Callum carried our luggages out from the
van and took it in.
“Cookie, I bought you something. Can you guess what it is?” I asked him
as we sat in the living room. I was rummaging through my luggage, looking
for the pair of shoe I bought for him.
“Mm…” He thought for a while. “A dog?”
“A dog?” I laughed. “Hindi pwedeng ilagay ang dog ditto sa loob ng
luggage. Try again?”
“A dinosaur?” His eyes widened.
“A dinosaur won’t fit here!” I grabbed him and tickled him just like I
used to do when he was little. He roared with laughter and dropped to the
ground.
“Tita Drey, sto-oopp!” He said between his laughters and when he was out
of breath from laughing. I finally stopped and let him go.
“Ikaw, niloloko mo si Tita Drey.” I told him “What did I promise to give
you?”
“Um…” He thought for a while and then his eyes widened. “A pair of shoes
with wheels!”
“Tadaaaa!” I said, taking a box out from the luggage.
“Yay! Thank you, Tita Drey!” He hugged me. “You’re the best! I want to go
outside and try it out!
“We will later. For now, I just want to spend time with my Cookie
monster.” I said, hugging him tither. “Do you remember when you were
little? Ako nagpapalit ng diaper mo sometimes pag nandito ka sa amin.”
“I don’t wear diapers anymore. I’m a big boy!” He said.
“I know but you’ll always be our Cookie monster!” I kissed him on the
cheek.
“Ate Drey…” There’s that tiny voice again. I lifted my eyes to see him
standing in front of us. I felt repulsed as I stared at him and my heart
dropped to the pit of my stomach. He looked nothing like me… like us.
“This is the card I made for you.”
He had a blue folded paper out to me. I looked down at the paper.
“The food’s ready!” Mama hurriedly came up to us and held him. “Arthur,
may chicken nuggets na niluto si Yaya para sa’yo. Come on, let’s go eat.”
“I’m just going to give this to-”
“Later.” Mama tried to pull him.
“Mama, look at my new shoes. There’s a button you can press when you want
the shoes to have wheels. Bigay ni Tita Drey sa akin ‘to.” He showed it
off.
“Cool!” Said the kid.
Callum walked into the living room and went up to me. He gave me a gentle
kiss on the forehead. “I already brought some of our things in your
room.”
“Thanks.” I quietly said, keeping my eyes to the ground.
“Ate Drey, ako walang gift? Bakit si Cookie meron?” The kid asked,
puzzled.
I looked up at Mama. I could see through her eyes that her heart was
breaking for Arthur. She brushed her fingers through the boys’ hair. “Na
forget ni Ate Drey mo pero may dala naman si Daddy Nick niyo para sa’yo
at kay Cookie na toy.”
“Bakit si Cookie hindi niya na forget? It’s not fair…” The kid’s voice
cracked with tears.
“We can take turns.” Cookie suggested.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked away. I wanted to just walk
away but I felt glued to where I was at.
“It’s okay, little guys.” Lumapit si Callum sa bata at lumuhod sa harap
nito. “We have something for you too.”
“Really?” His voice were once again filled with innocent amusement.
“Of course. You think we’d forget about you?” Callum cheerfully said and
then playfully messed his hair. He then stood up and took the guitar case
next to my luggage and then he went back to the boy. He patted the hard
case. “This is my favorite guitar. I’ve had his since I was in
highschool.”
“What’s a guitar?” He asked.
“It’s a musical instrument.” Callum answered.
“Oooh! I know that! Dada and I play Guitar Hero!” Sabi naman ni Cookie.
“But this is a different kind of guitar.” Callum chuckled a little and
took out the guitar from the case.
I looked at Ma. She stood there with a smile on her face as she watched
Callum patiently explain to the kids what a guitar was and how to use it.
The two were in awe when Callum started strumming the strings and playing
a tune.
“Come here, Arthur. I’ll teach you how to play the guitar.” He said.
Lumapit ang bata at umupo sa kandungan niya. He placed the guitar in
front of them and took his tiny hand and positioned it on the strings.
“COOL!” They boy exclaimed when he strummed again.
“This guitar is yours now, okay? I’ll teach you how to play.” Callum
said.
I couldn’t stand it any longer so I stood up and walked out of the living
room. I suddenly burst into tears. It was a strange feeling seeing him. I
remembered how much I hated my whole pregnancy. I was miserable. Every
time I felt him move, I hated it. I hated it so much that I wanted to
slice my tummy open so that that ‘dirty thing’ could come out. I couldn’t
believe that ‘dirty thing’ was not a living, breathing human being. A
little boy.
His very existence mocked me. He was the proof of what they did to me. He
wasn’t supposed to exist. He wasn’t…
“Audrey.” I heard Mama call me.
I quickly wiped away my tears.
“Drey, honey…” She walked up to me.
“Ma, I want to be alone.” I sighed, trying to get rid of the tightness in
my chest.
“Walang kasalanan si Arthur sa nangyari sa’yo. Hindi niya kasalanan ang
kasalanan nila sa’yo. He’s a sweet boy. Malambing siya. Makulit minsan.
Mabait na bata si Arthur. He has your personality.” She said.
“Ma, I said I want to be alone, please…” My chest felt heavier than it
ever did.
“Naiintindihan ko nag galit ka pa din sa ginawa sa’yo, sa nangyari sa’yo.
Pero huwag mo naman iparamdam sa bata ang galit na iyon. He has nothing
to do with it.” Ma’s voice cracked with tears.
Chapter Twenty One
“Audrey…” Callum hugged me from behind. I turned to face him and wrapped
my arms around his waist. His head leaned down to mine and we shared a
gentle kiss together.
“Why did you leave me downstairs? Why have you been locking yourself in
here all day?”
I spent all day in my room. I went down to have dinner earlier and then I
went back to my room. I just took a shower and was getting ready for bed
when Callum came in. Callum had quickly gotten along with my family. He,
Kuya Miggy, Coco, Dad, and Tito Axel were talking and having drinks when
I left them in their ‘man cave’. It was the room where Dad, my Dad’s
friends, and my brothers all hang out when they get together.
“I’m still tired from the trip.” I lowered my gaze from his. The truth is
I couldn’t stand being around the child. Hindi ko siya kayang tignan. I
tried to stay as far away as possible from him. I did not want to see
him, I did not want to hear him, I did not want to communicate with him.
I didn’t like the feelings he makes me feel whenever he’s around. Alam
kong ramdam iyon ni Mama, Dad, at ng mga kapatid ko. They too tried to
keep him away from me.
“Okay, we’ll rest. I’m just going to take a quick shower.” He kissed me
on the forehead.
I nodded my head. He walked towards the bathroom door but paused midway.
“I almost forgot.” He took something out from his pocket and handed me a
blue paper.
“Arthur told me to give this to you. Welcome home present niya daw
sa’yo.”
I didn’t want to take it but I didn’t have a good reason to tell Callum
as to why. I hesitantly lifted my hand to take the blue paper.
“The boy’s such a sweet heart, Love. I feel sorry that we forgot to bring
him anything. Hindi tayo nakapamili ng pasalubong kahit para sa mga bata
lang. Good thing he loved my guitar. He’s really interested in learning
how to play it. I have a feeling that we’re going to get along pretty
nicely.” He said, turning his back to me once more and walking to the
bathroom.
I looked down and saw the paper crumpled tightly in my hands. Rip it and
throw it out, I told myself. But instead I found myself opening the
folded paper. It had on it a drawing of a female stick figure holding
hands with a smaller figure in a big heart.
My heart sank. I sat on the edge of the bed and tears began to drip down
the paper. I couldn’t love the boy. Hindi ko kayang mahalin ang batang
hindi ko ginusto. Tuwing lumalapit siya sa akin pakiramdam ko ang dumi-
dumi ko. Hindi lang nila ako binaboy, I also had to carry their child.
And I had to live with it for rest of my life.
I wiped away my tears and hid the paper in my bedside table when I heard
the shower in the bathroom stop. Humiga na ako sa kama. Callum walked out
of the bathroom with a white towel wrapped around his waist. He put on a
pajama bottom and slipped into bed with me.
He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me against him and kissing my
shoulder.
“Callum…” I quietly said as we lay in bed.
“Mm?” He murmured lazily, his face buried into the crook of my neck.
“You were great with my family, especially with the kids.” I raised one
hand to run my fingers through his thick dark hair. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. Now that I’m your husband, they too are my
family. What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.” He nuzzles
against my skin. “I want to have our own baby someday.”
“Cal.” I was slightly baffled.
“I’m not in any hurry, Love. I know we just got married and we’re still
getting to know each other more. I just never expected I’d enjoy being
around kids.”
“Maybe in the future, maybe a year from now, pwede na tayong magkaron ng
baby. It’s a huge responsibility.” I sighed heavily.
I wonder how he’d react if he finds out what about Arthur. When he finds
out that before our child, I had already carried and gave birth to the
child of the man who’d violated and abused me. Mandidiri din ba siya sa
akin katulad ng pandidiri ko sa sarili ko?

“Did Dr. Callum give you the card I made for you?” I almost dropped the
plate I was holding when I heard a tiny voice of a little boy from
behind. Then I felt a tug on the hem of my dress. “Ate Drey, did you like
my drawing?”
“Don’t touch me.” I flinched away from him. I took in a deep breath,
trying to calm my emotions. “Leave me alone. May ginagawa ako.”
I’d been minding my own business here in the kitchen and then he had to
show up. I wanted to make something for my family and friends who were
going to come over later. Pupunta din ang fashion designer na gagawa sa
susuotin naman for Anais and Coco’s wedding. I’d been trying all day to
think of other things other than him and here he was.
“Arthur, come here. Huwag mong guluhin si Ate Drey.” Ronnie went to get
him. She immediately grabbed the boy away from me.
“Am I bad, Ate Ronnie?” He asked, all of a sudden.
Ronnie gazed at me before turning her eyes back to Arthur. “Bad? Minsan
makulit ka but you’re not bad. Bakit? Sino nagsabi sa’yo niyan?”
“Eh bakit parang di kami bati Ate Drey?” He innocently asked.
“What are you talking about? Busy lang si Ate…” Ronnie’s voice sounded
somber.
“Ate Drey, are you mad at me kasi kinukulit kita sa car yesterday? I’m
sorry…” His usual cheery tone was now gone.
I felt an unexplainable pang of pain in my chest as I listened. Bakit ba
kasi siya lapit ng lapit sa akin? Why were they letting him? They knew I
didn’t want that.
“No! Hindi mad si Ate, she’s just busy, okay?” Ronnie explained. “Halika
na nga. Doon ka na lang muna sa play room.”
“Hey, wife.” Callum suddenly walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms
around my waist. “Nandito ka lang pala.”
“Cal.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“Dr. Callum!” The kid ran up to him and hugged his leg.
“Hey, little guy” Callum chuckled and picked him up in his arm. “Where’s
our guitar?”
“It’s in my room. Turuan mo ulit ako magplay ng guitar.” He wrapped his
tiny arms around his neck. I looked away, pretending to be busy with the
food in front of me.
“Of course.” Callum answered. “Let’s go get your guitar.”
The two left and there was only Ronnie and I. Ronnie leaned against the
countertop and let out a deep sigh.
“He was so excited to see you, Ate. He made a card for you, he and Cookie
made a welcome banner, he even wants his piggy bank opened so he could
buy you something nice.”
“I don’t want to talk about him.” I said in a stone cold tone.
“Don’t you feel anything for him? Kahit konti lang?” Ronnie’s voice
shook. “Naawa na ako sa kanya. All he wants is a little love and
attention from you.”
“I said I don’t want to talk about him! He will never get anything from
me. I don’t want anything to do with him kaya huwag niyo nang ipagpilitan
sa akin ang bata!” I exploded like a dynamite, tears coating my eyes.
“I- I’m sorry, Ate.” Ronnie chewed on her bottom lip with guilt all over
her face.

“Mukhang si hubby gusto ng magka-baby.” Therese said, her eyes on Callum.

Since there was only glass sliding door seperating the dining room from
the veranda, we could see Callum from here. He was sitting on the outdoor
sofa with the little boy on his lap and a guitar in front of them.
I lifted a glass of tea and took a sip, not knowing what I should say.
Nobody knew but my family that the boy came from me. I never wanted
anyone to know that I conceived the rapist’s child. All they knew was
that he was our brother.
“Wala pa rin kayong plan ni Callum?” Scarlett asked.
I shook my head. “It’s too early for that. Kakakasal lang namin.”
“Mukhang he’d be a real good Dad naman.” Sabi naman ni Maddie.
“Ako nga hindi pa kami kasal, may Cookie na.” Anais chuckled.
“I don’t think we’re ready. Gusto muna namin ma-enjoy ang pagiging
married.” I told them.
“Sabagay, having a kid is a lot of work. Halos hindi na nga kami makapag-
solo ni Coco simula ng magkaron kami ng Cookie.” She said.
“You have a point. You can always have kids later on pero hindi mo na
mababalik yung kayo lang.” Maddie said.
“Hello Ate Anais, Ate Therese, Ate Maddie, Ate Scarlett!” The little boy
came running inside from the veranda, waving at them. “And Hi Ate Drey.”
I lowered my gaze to the cup I had in my hand and pretended I heard
nothing. He gave each one of them a kiss. He tried to kiss me to but I
pulled my head away and stood up. I pretended to get something from the
fridge.
“Dr. Callum, show them our guitar!” Fortunately, his attention turned to
Callum when he walked in. Callum let out a chuckle and handed the guitar
to him. Dinala niya ito papunta kina Anais.
“We even drew on the guitar. See!” He proudly showed the drawing on it.
“This is Kuya Callum and this is Arthur!”
“Wow! Ang cute naman.” Therese said.
“Ako nagdrawing yan, di ba Dr. Callum?”
“You did a great job.” Callum playfully messed with his hair.
“And you should’ve heard Kuya Callum play the guitar! He’s really good
tapos tinuturuan niya ako ngayon. I’m having a hard time because I’m just
little and the guitar is kind of too big for me.” The kid told them.
“Maybe we’ll get you a smaller one to practice on.” Callum said.
“But I still get to keep this guitar?”
“This is all yours now. We just need something smaller to get you
started. There’s still some strings you can’t reach properly because
you’re hands are still too small. When you’re a little bigger, you can
use the bigger one.” Callum lifted him up in one hand.
“Okay. Thank you, Dr. Callum. You’re the bestest!” He exclaimed and
kissed him on the cheek.
“Aw. You two are so cute.” Scarlett commented.
“Dr. Callum can play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Right, Kuya?” He looked
at him. “Do you want to hear him play?”
“Of course, we do.” Anais answered.
“Come on, Doctor! They want to hear it!” The child encouraged. Callum
laughed a little, putting him on top of the table and then he started
strumming his guitar to the tune of the nursery song.
“Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are? Up above the
world so high like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle star, how I
wonder what you are.” The boy sang.
“Very good!” My friends cheered.
“You did a great job!” Sabi naman ni Callum sa bata.
I wondered how he’d be like with our own children someday. Ngayon pa lang
nakikita ko na na magiging mabuting Daddy siya. But I do wonder how he’d
react when he finds out that Arthur was the product of what my abusers
had done to me. I didn’t think I’d ever want him to know. It was a secret
I wanted to take to the grave. My life with Callum now was perfect and I
did not want him to be a part of it.
“Hey girls.” Coco walked in with Cookie.
“Mymy!” Cookie jumped on Anais.
“Saan na naman kayo nagpunta?” Anais asked.
“We went to the park. I tried the shoes Tita Drey gave to me.” Cookie
answered.
“Cookie, look at my guitar. It has a drawing of me and Dr. Callum!” He
proudly showed Cookie.
“That’s awesome. Me and Dada has a Guitar Hero guitar.” Cookie said.
“Dr. Callum is still teaching me how to play.” He said.
“I don’t know how to play that. It doesn’t have any buttons and aren’t
you supposed to plug that on the TV?” Cookie’s brows furrowed.
“It’s a different kind of guitar. That one is the real one.” Coco
exclaimed to his son.
“Let’s just play Guitar Hero! That looks kinda hard to play.” Cookie
said. “Dada, can we go to the movie room to play Guitar Hero?”
“Sure. Pabukas niyo na lang kay Ate Ronnie yung PlayStation.” Coco said.
The two boys raced out of the dining room. Callum came up to me and
wrapped one arm around the small of my back. He gave me a kiss on the
side of my head.
“Kailan niyo ba bibigyan ng kalaro si Arthur at Cookie?” Coco asked as he
stood on the back of Anais’ seat, his arms around his soon-to-be bride.
He bent his head down to kiss her on the shoulder. “Baka maunahan pa
namin kayo magka-baby. I have a feeling we’re going to have another one
pretty soon.”
“Coco.” Anais giggled, pulling away as my twin shower her with kisses.
“Honeymoon muna, Coco.” Scarlett joked.
“We already had our honeymoon.” My twin grinned.
“Nothing is in order with you two. Magbestfriend kayo pero nagkaron kayo
ng baby, ngayon naman ikakasal na kayo pero mukhang mas nauna pa ang
honeymoon kaysa sa kasal.” Therese joked.
“Are you okay? Why are you so quiet?” Callum whispered in a worried tone.
“I’m just tired.” I shook my head.
“Baka naman you’re pregnant na din.” Therese teased. “Hindi niyo pa
sinasagot ang tanong ni Coco. When are you two planning to have a baby?”
“In the near future, maybe.” Callum answered. “Arthur seems so fond of
you.” Anais commented. “You’re great with kids.”
“I used to work with kids too during my residency. And Arthur’s a real
charmer, he’s a great kid. He’s very easy to get along with.”
“Kung okay si Arthur sa’yo, okay na din ako sa’yo.” Coco said.
My head snapped and I threw a glare at my own twin brother.
“Mukha din naman okay si Cookie sa’yo.” Agad na sabi niya, probably
realizing what he just said.
“We’ll get there when we get there. We’re not in a hurry.” I answered.
Chapter Twenty Two
Anais and Coco’s wedding was held at Hacienda Zamora. The whole venue was
straight out of a fairytale. Anais looked like a princess in her beige
wedding dress as she walked down the garden. There were flowers of every
kind, everywhere.
Their vows for each other were a tearjerker. I cried the whole ceremony.
I couldn’t believe that my twin was finally getting married. They’d been
inseperatable together as bestfriends since we were just kids and now I
got to see them get married. He finally had his happy ending with Anais
and their son. Masayang-masaya ako para kay Coco, Anais at syempre para
kay Cookie.
After their wedding, they went straight to the airport. Mama and Dad gave
them a ticket to New Zealand so they could spend their honeymoon there
together. They promised Cookie that when they get back from the trip,
they’d fly out of the country together as a family. Gusto lang nila
masolo ang isa’t-isa sa honeymoon nila.
After their wedding, they went straight to the airport. Mama and Dad gave
them a ticket to New Zealand so they could spend their honeymoon there
together. They promised Cookie that when they get back from the trip,
they’d fly out of the country together as a family. Gusto lang nila
masolo ang isa’t-isa sa honeymoon nila.
Now that Coco’s wedding was finally over, we could finally get back to
our normal life. Wala naman akong plano magstay dito sa Pilipinas. My
stay here was exhausting.
Spending one week in our house was a mental torture to me. Araw-araw kong
sinusubukan iwasan ang bata dahil ayaw kong magkasakita pa kami. I didn’t
want any kind of interaction with him. I wanted nothing more than to get
out of here and go back to California.
I peaked into the living room and saw Callum with the kid again. Isa pa
itong kinakatakot ko. Habang tumatagal, nakikita kong napapalapit ang
loob ni Callum sa bata. Tuwing nakikita ko si Callum palaging nakadikit
sa kanya ang bata. I did not want him to grow attached to the boy. I was
afraid he’d grow so attached to him that he’d communicating with him when
we get back to California.
“Audrey.” Callum lifted his head up, the kid sitting on his lap. I felt
like a deer caught in the headlight when our gaze met. “Arthur’s a quick
learner. He already knows how to play Twinkle twinkle little stars. Come
here! Listen to this.”
“I shook my head. “I have alot of things I need to get done.”
I quickly turned my back to them and went upstairs to my room. Two more
days. I had to stay stay two more days and then we’d be back to our usual
life. I’d already gotten the luggages ready. Inayos ko na din ang mga
gamit namin ni Callum. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t miss this place
and my family but this was for the best. For my sanity and for the kid. I
wanted to forget but I wouldn’t be able to habang nandito siya.
I went inside my walk in closet and started getting all my clothes so I
could put them in our luggage. I’d just leave enough clothes to use for
two more days.
“Ate Drey…” Mula sa labas ng closet narinig ko ang boses niya.
I shut my eyes tightly and let out a sigh. What was he doing here? Kanina
lang kasama siya ni Callum.
“Ate Drey?” He called out again. I stayed in my closet, hoping he’d just
go away, when I heard a loud crash in my room. Bigla akong napatakbo
palabas ng closet. I saw the expensive figurine clock that I had placed
on top of my vanity table now shattered on the ground. It was my favorite
and I’ve had it since I was twelve, Dad had bought that for me for my
twelfth birthday when we went to Haworth.
“What did you do?!” My voice boomed throughout the room.
“I-I’m sorry, Ate Drey…” He looked like he was about to cry. He bent down
to try to pick up the pieces.
“Don’t touch that baka mabubog ka pa!” I shouted and then stormed towards
him. I grabbed him by the arm. “I said don’t touch it! Didn’t you
understand what I just told you? Hindi ka ba marunong umintindi?”
All those pent up emotions suddenly exploded. Parang nagdilim ang
paningin ko. Bumalik lahat ang sakit na ginawa nila sa akin. I saw my
abusers through the boy. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa braso niya and then I
started shaking him.
“Bakit ba ang tigas tigas ng ulo mo? Bakit ang hirap mo pagsabihan? Bakit
ba lapit ka ng lapit sa akin? Hindi mo ba ako titigilan?” I felt hot
tears in the corners of my eyes.
Arthur began to cry and that shook me out of the trance. I let go of him
and took a step back. The boy didn’t stop crying. He just stood there and
cried his eyes out. The door slammed open and Callum came in. He was
fazed for a second as he looked at the boy and then he looked at me.
“What did you do to Arthur?” His eyes wide with confusion and shock as he
walked up to the boy and carried him into his arms. Yumakap ang bata sa
kanya at sinubsob ang mukha sa dibdib niya. He wouldn’t stop crying.
“Audrey, ano’ng ginawa mo sa bata?!” He repeated, his voice now loud as
thunder that it echoed through the room. I had never seen Callum this
angry.
I opened my mouth but no words came out. I couldn’t think of anything to
say and even if I did, I wouldn’t have voice to say it. Nagmamadaling
pumasok sa kwarto si Mama at Dad.
Lumapit si Mama sa bata at hinimas ang likod nito habang walang tigil sa
pag-iyak. “Hey, stop crying. Nandito na si Mama.”
“What is happening here?” Dad asked.
Lumapit si Mama sa bata at hinimas ang likod nito habang walang tigil sa
pag-iyak. “Hey, stop crying. Nandito na si Mama.”
“I- I just w-want to give h-her flowers and I-I a-accidentally b-b-broke
her clock…” The boy said in between his sobs.
Ma and Dad looked at me like I was some monster. I felt like a monster. I
did not expect the outburst. I did not plan this. Hindi ko naman inisip
na masasaktan ko ang bata. I stood there, my eyes burning with tears that
I tried so hard to keep from falling. I could feel the thick and strained
emotions in the air.
“I’m just going to get him something to drink.” Callum said in a gloomy
voice as he carried Arthur out.
“Did you hurt him?” Dad asked in a controlled voice.
“I… he… he’s not supposed to be here!” I couldn’t hold my tears back any
longer. I felt hot liquid pour down my cheeks. “Binasag niya kasi yung-”
“Hindi sapat na rason yun para saktan mo siya!” Dad’s voice was now loud
and angry.
“Kahit kailan hindi ko kayo pinagbuhatan ng kamay kaya huwag na huwag mo
din sasaktan si Arthur! He’s your son, Audrey! How could you hurt him?”
“He’s not my son!” I angrily exclaimed. “Anak siya ng lalaking gumahasa
sa akin!”
“Drey, he came from you. Huwag mo naman sanang tratuhin ng ganon ang
bata. Please stop it already. He’s yours. He grew inside you. You gave
birth to him. Huwag mong pagbayarin si Arthur sa kasalanan na hindi niya
ginawa.” Mama was already in tears as she spoke.
“Hindi niyo ako naiintindihan! You don’t know how painful this is for me!
Kaya ang dali-dali niyong sabihin sa akin yan dahil hindi niyo naranasan
ang naranasan ko. Hindi kayo yung na baboy! Ako! Ako!” I sobbed.
“I was raped too!” Mama cried out loud. “Napagdaanan ko din ang
pinagdaanan mo. I know how painful and hard it is. I know what it’s like
to be disgusted with your ownself. I know what it’s like to feel dirty
and used. I, too, got pregnant from rape. I was so young, I had my whole
life ahead of me…”
“You’re lying…” I quietly said.
“Your mother would never lie to you.” Dad said, his eyes red with unshed
tears. “I know because I was the one who did that to her. I was on drugs
when I forced myself on your mother and I got her pregnant. Ang Kuya
Miggy niyo ang naging bunga ng ginawa ko sa Mama niyo. She was seventeen
when she had your brother. She was too young when she got pregnant with a
baby that was forced on her and she had no idea what to do and who to
turn to. But despite all that, minahal niya ang Kuya mo ng buong-buo.
She loved your Kuya with all her heart despite what I did to her.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better by telling me all those lies.” I shook
my head. I was indenial. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was this
some kind of a sick joke? The father I looked up to was my mother’s
rapist?
“Buong buhay kong pagsisihan ang ginawa ko sa Mama mo. Habang buhay kong
ihihingi ng tawad iyon. I blame myself everyday for what what happened to
you. Pakiramdam ko sa’yo bumalik ang ginawa ko sa Mama mo.” Dad’s voice
was weark with tears.
“No, don’t say that. Wala sa atin ang may gustong mangyari iyon.” She
told Dad and looked to my direction. “You’re not alone, Drey. I know how
it feels like. I know… Tinangka ko din noon na ipalaglag ang Kuya mo.
Wala akong naramdaman kung hindi takot at galit ng malaman kong na buntis
ako. Nagtanong din ako kung bakit nangyari sa akin yun, bakit ako. Hindi
ko itinuloy dahil alam kong habang buhay kong pagsisisihan kapag
pinalaglag ko ang batang dinadala ko noon. That was the best decision
I’ve ever made because if I had that baby aborted wala kayong Kuya Miggy
ngayon. Noong hinawakan ko siya nawala lahat ng takot at galit sa puso
ko. Nagkaron ng kasagutan ang lahat ng tanong ko. Mahal ko ang Kuya Miggy
niyo, mahal ko kayo ng higit pa sa buhay ko.”
“Do you know why I didn’t want you to have that abortion? Kasi naisip ko
ang Kuya Miggy mo. Just the thought of him not being a part of our lives
breaks my heart. Ayaw kong gumawa ka ng isang pagkakamaling hindi mo na
pwedeng maitama. I don’t want you to carry any guilt for the rest of
your life. I don’t want you to live your whole life wondering what
could’ve been. If only you’d give Arthur a chance, Audrey. Kung bubuksan
mo lang ng konti ang puso mo para sa kanya baka siya pa ang maghilom ng
sugat diyan sa puso mo.”
I cried as the words sunk into me. Mama and Dad hugged me. What I just
heard about my parents’ dark past overwhelmed me. I didn’t know about
that. I didn’t even think Kuya knew about that. But I admired Mama more
now than ever for what she had been through. I had never doubted her love
for Kuya Miggy. I just didn’t know if I could love Arthur the way Mama
loved Kuya Miggy. Hindi ko pa rin tanggap ang nangyari sa akin. Masakit
pa din.

“I was once like you are now and I know that it’s not easy, to be calm
when you found something going on… But take your time, think a lot, why,
think of everything you’ve got. For you will still be here tomorrow but
your dreams may not… How can I try to explain, when I do he turns way
again. It’s always been the same, same old story. From the moment I could
talk, I was ordered to listen. Now there’s away and I have to go away…
It’s not time to make a change, just sit down, take it slowly. You’re
still young, that’s your fault, there’s so much you have to go through…”
I heard Callum singing in Arthur’s bedroom. When I peaked in, I saw the
boy in his bed and Callum sitting on the edge of his while playing his
guitar. The boy had stopped crying. I wanted to come in and apologize but
I didn’t have the strength to do so.
“Go to sleep okay?” Callum told him, brushing his strong fingers through
the boy’s soft hair.
“Thank you, Dr. Callum, for making me feel better.” Arthur said.
“Why, of course, I’m a doctor. That’s what I do. But I’m a different kind
of doctor. I heal heart and mind pains and illnesses.”
“You made my heart feel better, Dr. Callum.” He said.
“When your heart is not feeling good, you can always talk to me. I’m your
Dr. Callum.” He gently said.
“And I’m your Arthur.” The boy giggled.
“You’re my Arthur.” Callum nodded his head with a gentle smile on his
face. “Good night. Matulog ka na. I know you’re tired from all those
crying.”
“Night night, Dr. Callum.” He yawned.
“Good night.”
He stayed for awhile before he decided to come out of his room. Our gaze
locked when he exited the door. His dark eyes were as cold as black ice.
I fidgeted with my fingers in front of me.
“How is he?” I asked in a small voice.
“It took long before I got him to stop crying. He was really heart
broken. Hindi naman sinasadya ni Arthur na mabasag yung gamit mo. He left
the rose he bought for you when he and your Mom went to the grocery
earlier. He had his piggybank opened so he could buy you those flowers.
Gusto niyang iwan na lang sa kwarto kasi galit ka daw sa kanya.” Callum
said, his voice strained.
We walked to our room and I closed the door behind us.
“Nabigla lang ako…” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“Sana hindi mo dinadamay si Arthur sa init ng ulo mo. I’ve been abused as
a kid too and I never want him or any child to go through the same pain
as I did. What is wrong with you?”
“Callum, there’s something you need to know about Arthur.” My eyes welled
up with tears.
He turned to face me. His eyes turned the darkest shade of black as he
looked at me. My heart pounded against my rib. It sounded so hard I could
hear it in my ears. My legs shook and wanted to give in.
“What is it, Audrey?” He asked in a deep tone.
“Hindi ko kapatid si Arthur. He came from me. Siya ang naging bunga ng
panbababoy nila sa akin…”
Chapter Twenty Three
“Cal…” I quietly said when he didn’t speak. He just stood there, rubbing
his jaw with an absent look on his face. I could see emotions brewing in
those dark eyes. Emotions I couldn’t identify. I felt like crying. I
feared that he’d feel the same way I felt about myself. Kung ako hindi ko
matanggap ang nangyari sa akin, siya pa kaya. The fact that I shared a
DNA with my rapist was simply too much of a baggage.
“I was just waiting for you to admit it.” He said, his voice low and
flat.
“You knew?”
He shrugged, his dark eyes turned cold. “I had a feeling. I’ve never
heard of you talk about him, it’s always just Cookie. I’ve never once
seen you held him. You treat the boy like he’s invisible when he’s
around. You try to stay far away from him as possible.”
My eyes lowered in guilt. I knew I was a horrible person to the boy. I
had to stay away from him to keep my sanity. He was a constant reminder
of what had happened to me. He was my nightmare personified. Nananalaytay
pa rin ang dugo ng demonyo niyang ama sa bata at hindi ko matanggap na
ako ang nagbigay ng buhay sa kanya.
“Kahit na may pakiramdam na ako, iba pa rin ang marinig yun galing
sa’yo.” He slightly shook his head.
“I’m sorry for hiding it from you. Natakot ako. It was bad enough that
I’d been used by a bunch of men pero nabuntis pa ako sa kanila. I carried
my rapist’s child. Nabababuyan ako sa sarili ko. I’m so isgusting.” I bit
my inner cheek to keep the tears at bay.
“Maiintindihan kita kung hindi mo kayang tanggapin iyon, if you’d want to
get out of this marriage… We’ll file a divorce as soon as-”
“Shh…” He cupped my face and made me look at him. “There won’t be a
divorce, okay? What happened to you is never your fault. You’re not
disgusting, you’re a strong woman, Audrey. And my love and admiration for
you is deeper now that it has every been.”
I buried my face into his chest. He kissed my forehead and wrapped his
arms around me.
“Thank you, Callum.” My voice shook.
“You don’t have to thank me for anything. Other than being your husband,
I’m also your psychiatrist. I know what you’ve been through and I know it
wasn’t easy. I promised to always be here for you, didn’t I?” He gently
whispered, cupping my face and making me look at him. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I answered, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I respect how you feel about Arthur. I do understand you, Love. I really
do. I know his mere existence triggers a lot of ugly memories. I know
it’s not easy for you to see him or even be around him. Hindi ko
sasabihin sa’yo na tanggapin mo siya o ang nangyari sa’yo. It doesn’t
happen overnight and it’s not something I want to burden your shoulders
with while you’re healing.” He let out a deep sigh. “You have every right
to feel angry. You’ve been badly hurt and it’s okay. Feel whatever you
need to feel. But please, don’t direct your anger at Arthur. Hind niya
kasalanan ang nangyari sa’yo. Hindi siya ang hurting him won’t make
anything better. It’ll only do worse. I’ve been abused as a child and I
still carry the trauma with me. It’s not a good feeling. For so long, I
questioned myself kung ako ba talaga ang may mali, kung ano bang problema
sa akin, kung bakit hindi nila ako kayang mahalin. I don’t want the same
thing to happen to Arthur…”
I felt an invisible weight pressing on my chest. I didn’t know what I was
doing when I hurt him. Nagdilim ang paningin ko. Hindi ko siya kayang
tanggapin pero hindi ko naman gustong saktan siya.
“Love, promise me you won’t do it again. You won’t ever hurt him again.”
He silently said.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him. It was never my intention…” I shook my head.
He held the back of my head and kissed me on the forehead. “We’re only
going to be here until Saturday. I’m not going to ask you to be nice to
him or anything. If you can’t be around him, stay away from him. Just
don’t make him feel anything bad.”

Bukas ng gabi ang flight namin ni Callum pabalik sa California. I kept

thinking about the boy. I couldn’t get out of my mind how my fingers dug
into his tiny, soft arm. He was so scared and shaking like a leaf in
Callum’s arms. I felt like a monster.
Mama, Ronnie, and I decided to go out and have some quality girl time
before we go back to the States. Nagpaiwan si Callum kasama sina Dad at
si Kuya Miggy We we going to have a barbecue dinner later on and we left
the men in charge of it.
We went to a spa salon to relax and spend time together. Ronnie was
having her mani-pedi while Mama and I were getting a massage. We were in
a dimly lit room that smelled of lavender and everything good. Our beds
were right next to each other and we were on our stomach while the
masseur massaged our backs.
“Drey…” Mama’s voice broke the solemn silence in the room.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Yung sinabi namin sa’yo ng Dad mo, sana huwag nang malaman ng mga
kapatid mo.” She said.
I didn’t understand. I still hadn’t fully absorbed what they told me that
night. I couldn’t imagine Dad doing that horific act to Mama. I couldn’t
wrap my head around the fact that he had forced himself on Mama. Dad had
always been a wonderful father to us and he’d been a loving husband to
our mother. We knew how much he loved Mama and he wouldn’t do anything to
hurt her. I even remember that one incident when we were teenagers and
Coco got expelled from his nth school. Mama was scolding him and Coco
talked back to her. Galit na galit siya kay Coco noong narinig niyang
sinagot niya si Mama. Dad pinned and cornered him on the wall, he told
him that he’d break his teeth with his fist if he ever heard him talking
back to Mama again. Sabi niya kay Coco palalampasin niya pa kung siya ang
sagutin niya pero hindi si Mama. He told him he’d never let any one of us
disrespect our own mother. He rarely gets angry at us and if he does,
we’d usually just get a slap on the wrist. Kaya nga lumaking pasaway si
Coco kasi palagi daw kinukunsinti ni Dad. Mama was the disciplinarian.
That one time was the worst I’d ever seen Dad angry. He had always
treated Mama like she was a precious jewel and I couldn’t believe he’d do
such thing to her.
“Audrey?” Ma called me out again when I didn’t answer.
“He’s… he’s just like them, Ma. He did the same thing to you…” I
swallowed.
She let out a deep sigh. “Hindi masamang tao ang Dad mo, nagkamali lang
siya. Nagkamali kami pareho. Hindi siya katulad nila. He was my boyfriend
at that time. Nakipaghiwalay ako sa kanya dahil sa isang
misunderstanding. He turned to alcohol and… and drugs. Alam kong hindi na
sikreto sa inyo ang nakaraan ng Dad niyo.”
Noong magkaaway pa sila ni Tito Axel, I’d been hearing Tito Axel say that
Dad was a drug addict back in his younger years. Dad never really denied
it and none of us ever had the courage to ask about his past.
“I’ve gone through the same thing as you did. Pero hindi katulad nila ang
Dad mo. Nagkamali ang Dad mo pero hindi siya masama. He made up for all
the mistakes he’s ever done to me. Mahal niya ako at mahal niya kayong
mga anak namin.”
“I don’t know what to say, Ma…” I bit my bottom lip.
“You don’t have to say anything. I only told you about our past because I
feel like that’s what you needed to know. Hindi lang ikaw ang nakaranas
nito. I’m sure there are a lot of women out there who’s gone through the
same thing and knows how you feel, how we feel… Sana lang huwag magbago
ang tingin mo sa Dad mo dahil sa sinabi namin sa’yo. Napagbayaran niya na
ang kasalanan niya.” She said.
After getting our massage and having our nails done, we decided to go to
the mall to do some shopping. We’d always done this since we were little
girls. This was what I had missed and would miss the most. Dad would
drive us to the mall and he and our brothers would go to the arcade while
waiting for Mama, Ronnie, and I.
We went inside a boutique, Ronnie and Mama were busy going through the
racks and picking out clothes. Right next to the boutique was a toy
store. I found myself getting out of the boutique and going to the toy
store instead.
I looked through the shelves and thought of Arthur. I had never given him
anything yet. Gusto ko sanang may maibigay man lang sa kanya bago ako
umalis. I wanted to give him an apology present.
Palaging kinukwento sa akin ni Callum si Arthur. He had mentioned to me
that Arthur loved Curious George. Minsan late na nakakabalik sa kwarto
namin si Callum dahil binabasahan niya ito ng story at Curious George ang
gustong-gusto nitong book. To my delight, I saw a Curious George stuffed
animal. I picked it up and smiled.
“Ate!” Ronnie came up to me. “You’re just here pala. Kanina ka pa namin
hinahanap.”
“What are you doing here, Drey?” Ma asked.
“Wala kasi akong makitang maganda sa boutique so I decided to go in here
and look around.” Dahilan ko.
“Naghahanap ka ng gift for Cookie?” Ma asked.
“Ate, hindi magugustuhan ni Cookie yan.” She said, her eyes on the
stuffed animal I was holding.
“Hindi mahilig yun sa monkeys. Gusto niya yung Paw Patrol.”
“Si Arthur, magugustuhan niya yan. He likes Curious George.” Ma smiled.
“Yes, si Art-” Ronnie paused for awhile and then smiled. “I’m sure
matutuwa siya kapag may nagbigay sa kanya niyan.”

It was our last day here in the Philippines and tomorrow we’d fly back to
California. I would never have to see him again. I’d just give him the
stuffed animal and apologize for what I had done and it would be over.
I headed straight to the playroom with a Curious George stuffed animal in
my arm as soon as we got home from shopping. They said Callum and Arthur
were playing together in there. It was funny how they’d grown into each
other since we came here when the child and I barely even talk. My legs
shook with each step I took. I finally stopped in front of the door and I
had to take a deep breath to calm my nerves. He was just a little kid. I
shouldn’t be this scared but I actually was.
This wasn’t easy for me. It wasn’t easy bringing myself right where I was
standing. It wasn’t easy willing myself to come face to face with the
nightmare I’d been trying to run away from. But I knew I had to do this.
I slowly pushed the door open and saw his little frame, his back turned
to the door. He was sitting on the lego table, abala siya sa pagbuo ng
lego.
“Dr. Callum, look what I made-” He turned to me, probably hearing the
door open. His eyes widened in fear, nearly toppling over his seat, when
he saw me.
“Hi.” I slowly walked towards him.
“DR. CALLUM!” He ran past me and I turned my head to see Callum standing
behind me.
Callum caught him in his arms and carried him. “Hey buddy, what’s wrong?”
“Dr. Callum, hindi ko naman mean ma-break yung clock niya.” Arthur buried
his face into the crook of Callum’s neck. He held onto him tightly.
Callum lifted his gaze at me and asked. “What happened?”
“I… I just want to give him a toy…” I explained, feeling a clench in my
chest.
“Did you hear that? She just wants to give you a toy.” Callum told him.
“I don’t want it.” He shook his head, keeping his face buried into
Callum’s neck. “Make Ate Drey go away. I don’t want her to hurt me, hindi
naman ako bad…”
“No, you’re not bad.” Callum ran his fingers through the little boy’s
hair. “Ate Drey won’t hurt you.”
My arms fell to my sides, the stuffed toy dangling on my right arm. My
throat constricted. He was scared of me now. He couldn’t even look at me.
I didn’t know what I was feeling but it certainly didn’t feel good.
“I won’t hurt you. May sorry gift ako sa’yo…” I said in a low tone,
blinking away the sting in the corners of my eyes. Dahan-dahan akong
lumapit sa kanila.
He peaked a little and then hugged Callum tighter. “I want to get out of
here! I want to go to Mama and Daddy!”
“Okay, okay… I’ll take you to your Mama and Dad.” Callum said in a
soothing tone.
I tightly shut my eyes and let out a deep huff, trying to release the
tightening in my chest. The kid doesn’t want to be around me. He had
obviously been traumatized. This should be a good thing, right? Mapuputol
na ang koneksyon namin sa isa’t-isa. He wouldn’t pester me anymore. I
could live my life as if he never existed.
After collecting myself, I went out the backyard where everyone were. We
had a nice barbecue dinner together. This was the last dinner I’d have
with my family before going to back to US. Arthur kept his distance from
me. The kid didn’t even want to be near me. I tried to tell myself that
this was a good thing. Now he’d be completely cut off from my life. He
wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore.
“Drey…” Ma came up to me as I sat alone on the table. They were all
sitting on the outdoor sofa. Dad and Kuya Miggy were holding a can of
beer in their hands. Arthur was sitting on Callum’s lap with the guitar.
Ronnie was listening and talking to Arthur. “May problema ba?”
“Nothing…” I shook my head.
She gave me a knowing look. Of course, she was our mother. She knew when
something’s bothering us.
“I tried to apologize to him. Natatakot siya sa akin, Ma.” I swallowed.
Mama’s face fell. “Your Dad and I or anyone in this family have never
hurt him or even shout at him. Drey, he just wanted you to like him. Alam
mo bang excited na excited siya noong binili namin sa grocery yung
bulaklak na ibibigay niya dapat sa’yo. Inipon niya yun sa baon niya. Sabi
niya pag nakita mo yung roses, bati na daw kayo. Matalinong bata si
Arthur, marunong siyang makiramdam. Nagulat lang siguro siya sa naging
reaksyon mo.”
“Ma, hindi ko sinasadya yung ginawa ko. Nabigla lang ako.”
“I understand that.” She nodded her head and tucked some loose strands of
my hair behind my ear. “Sinusubukan ko naman ipaliwanag sa kanya ang
lahat. Pinupunan naman namin ng Dad mo ang pagmamahal na dapat maramdaman
niya. I don’t want him to grow up feeling like his missing something from
his life.”
“You and Dad have raised him well. Thank you, Ma.” I threw my arms around
her.
Natapos na ang dinner namin. Ihahatid daw kami nila sa airport bukas. We
even video chatted with Coco who was having his honeymoon with Anais and
he told me they’d come visit me in California. I felt a slight sting in
my heart. I’d be leaving my family again and I knew for sure that I’d
miss them. Masaya din ako kasi mas nakilala nila si ang asawa ko at kahit
paano madali nilang natanggap si Callum sa pamilya namin. Gusto nila si
Callum dahil kay Arthur, the boy and him were just inseperable. Dad even
told him he’d be a good father someday.
Callum took Arthur to his bedroom and I stood outside his room and just
listened to them.
“But who would teach me how to play guitar?” Arthur asked.
“I still will. We can talk over the phone.”
“Over Mama’s iPad?” He asked.
“Yes. We can video chat.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Do you really have to leave, Dr. Callum?”
“I have to. I’m a doctor there, I have patients waiting for me.” Callum
explained.
“I’ll miss you, Dr…”
“I’ll miss you too, buddy.” I could hear the squeak in his voice.
“Babalik ka pa ba dito, Dr?” The little boy asked.
“Maybe in the future.” He said. “Can I get lots of kisses and a huge bear
hug?”
“Mwah. Mwah. Mwah!”
I don’t knowI felt heaviness in my chest as I listened to their
conversation. I wasn’t supposed to feel this pero naiingit ako sa
closeness nila ng asawa ko. We never had a moment like tha together.

“I’m so proud of you.” Callum slipped into the covers and wrapped an arm
around me. His head bent down to give me a kiss on the shoulder.
“For what?” I asked, shifting to face him.
He looked at me with a smile in his dark eyes. “For reaching out to him.
I know it isn’t easy but you did anyway.”
“He doesn’t like me anymore.”
“He’s just scared of you. Bata pa siya and if you try, he’ll eventually
warm up to you again. He’s a nice kid.”
“Mukhang malapit ang loob mo sa kanya.” I commented, brushing my fingers
through his dark hair.
Callum let out a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “He’s not hard to
love. In fact, it’s the easiest thing to do. You know I’ve had a very
rough childhood. Nakikita ko sa kanya ang sarili ko. I, too, begged for
my Dad’s love and approval. No matter how much it hurt, I strived for his
validation.”
“Cal, ganon ba talaga ako kasama sa kanya?” I asked, feeling my heart
sinking.
“What you went through and is still going through is not easy. Healing is
a very long and painful process. Nobody can tell you, not even me as your
psychiatrist, how you should heal. Hindi ka masama, you’re just very
hurt.” He pressed a kiss on my lips.
“I just can’t wait to go back to our normal lives. I’m so emotionally
exhausted. I’m so glad this will be over soon.” I let out a tired huff as
I cuddled tighter to him.
Chapter Twenty Four
“Ma’am Drey, sinugod sa ospital si sir Nick kaninang madaling-araw.” Iyon
agad ang sumalubong sa akin pagkababa ko. I just finished taking a shower
and I went down to have breakfast with my family only to find the dining
room empty.
“A-ano’ng nangyari kay Dad?” I asked, faltering.
“Ma’am, di ko din alam. Basta nagmamadali silang umalis kanina. Ang alam
ko lang nagpadrive sila kay Mang Oscar papunta sa ER. Hinihintay ko nga
itong si Mang Oscar na umuwi, sandali lang kami nakapag-usap kaya di ko
siya masyadong na chika. Bumaba kasi agad si Ronnie tapos nung nalaman
niya, nagpahatid agad sa hospital. Kaalis lang nila.”
“Hey.” Callum grabbed me by the waist from behind. “Where’s everyone?”
“Dad’s in the hospital.” I quietly said.
“Why? What happened?” He asked in a worried tone.
“I still don’t know. We need to go to the hospital.” I urgently said.
“What about Arthur?” Tanong ni Callum.
“Ay sir, ako na ang bahala kay Arthur. Mamaya pa ang gising nun, ako na
lang magpapakain.”
We went to the garage and Callum drove one of Dad and Coco’s car
collections to the hospital they were at. I couldn’t contact Mama, her
phone just kept ringing but nobody was picking up. She’d probably left it
in their room. We got to the hospital in less than twenty minutes and I
headed straight to the reception counter.
I asked for Dad and the receptionist searched his name and found that he
was checked into a suite. Callum and I went to the suite and a cry from
inside the room made me pause.
“Dad, please hold on. Kumapit ka. Huwag kang bibitaw. Kailangan ka pa
namin. Maliit pa si Arthur, he needs you. We all need you. Dad, huwag mo
kaming iwan.” Ronnie was wailing inside the room.
My knees suddenly went weak. I felt like my legs would give way. I almost
didn’t want to see what was on the other side of the door. Ano bang
nangyari sa kanya? He was fine last night. Umiinom at nagtatawanan pa nga
sila ni Callum at ni Kuya Miggy.
I gathered all the strength I had in my body and I pushed the door open.
“DAD!” Mangiyak-ngiyak na ako. I was expecting to see him unwell, I’d
already imagined the worst scenario but what I saw shocked me to the
core.
“Dad, kaya mo ‘to. Don’t give up. Makakayanan mo yan, malalampasan mo din
yan.” Ronnie tugged on his blanket.
Dad was on the hospital bed, his upper body reclined, while he flipped
through the channels on the tv with a remote control. Ma was sitting on
the edge of Dad’s bed, peeling off an orange. Kuya Miggy was sitting on
the couch, his attention on the phone he had in his hand. Everyone was
going about their businesses, completely ignoring Ronnie.
“Ronnie, will you shut up for a second? You’re giving me a migraine.”
Kuya Miggy shook his head.
“Bakit ba? Pinalalakas ko lang loob ni Dad.” She scowled.
“Dad, akala ko kung ano ng nangyari sa’yo.” I hugged him, relief washed
over me.
“I’m okay.” He said, rubbing my back.
“Ano bang nangyari sa’yo?” I asked.
“Your Dad woke up in the middle of the night with chest pain.” Mama
explained.
“Oh, Dad…” I felt even more worried. “What did the doctor say?”
“It’s nothing serious. Huwag kang mag-alala. You’re forgetting
something.” Dad smiled, playfully pinching my nose as if I was a little
girl again.
“What?” I pouted.
“I’m Superman.” He chuckled gingerly. He used to joke about him being
Superman when we were little and he got hospitalized.
“Dad naman…” I rested my head on his check. “You scared me.”
“He’s in perfectly good health. Nag ECG at heart MRI na siya, sabi ng
doktor niya normal naman daw ang resulta.” Sabi ni Mama.
“Then why are you wailing like a cow?” I shot a glare at Ronnie.
“You know your sister. Ronnie will always be… well, Ronnie.” Dad
shrugged.
“Dad needs encouragement.” Dahilan ni Ronnie.
“He needs peace of mind and we all need you to shut up.” Kuya Miggy
flatly said. “Dad’s not going to die. He’s just very stressed out and
you’re not making it better by wailing like a deranged cow.”
Ronnie made a face.
“Yan kasing Dad mo, masyadong workaholic.” Mama shook her head. “I keep
telling him to slow down but he won’t listen to me.”
“Dad, ako na ang bahala sa business natin. Why don’t you and Mama take a
vacation? Para naman makapag-unwind kayo” Kuya Miggy suggested
“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” Dad looked at Ma with glimmer in
his eyes and a playful smile on his lips.
“You need that, babe.” Ma let out a gentle smile.
“Where are we going to go?” Ronnie eagerly asked.
“Hindi ba may pasok ka pa, Ronnie?” I asked. “Let Mama and Dad spend some
time together.”
“Yung mga bata pala. Who’s going to take care of them while they’re
gone?” Ma sounded worried.
“I’ll temporarily move back to our house.” Sabi naman ni Kuya.
“Migs, you’re going to have a hard time. Hindi mo pwedeng pagsabayin ang
pagpapatakbo ng negosyo at pag-aalaga sa mga kapatid mo.” Dad said,
disappointment evident in his voice. “Magbakasyon na lang tayo kapag
break na ni Arthur at ni Ronnie sa school.”
“Ilang buwan pa yun, Dad. Isama mo na lang kami.” Ronnie batted her
lashes.
“We can extend our stay. Kami na ang bahala kay Ronnie at Arthur.” Callum
suddenly spoke.
I turned my head and looked at Callum. He stood beside the door with
hands casually tucked inside his pockets. Callum raised his brows and
shrugged his shoulders.
Nagpalit-palit ng tingin sa amin dalawa si Mama bago siya nagsalita. “If
it’s not too much trouble…”
I let out an exhale and turned my head to Mama and Dad. They looked at me
as if waiting for my answer. They really wanted this and Dad needs this.
I didn’t have the heart to say no to parents who had dedicated their
lives raising and taking care of us.
“Well, you badly need that vacation. Kami na ang bahala sa kanila.” I
said with resignation.
“Thank you, Drey.” Ma smiled.
“Dad, Ma, si Arthur na ang last na baby sa bahay ah. Baka pagbalik niyo
may baby number six na.” Ronnie teased.
Dad’s doctor released him that very same day. He was adviced to take some
rest and to try to avoid stress as it could possibly lead to a more
serious illness if he doesn’t.

“Dr. Callum!” Arthur greeted my husband with a hug when we came in.
Sinalo ni Callum ang bata sa mga braso niya. “Akala ko nasa sky ka na!”
“We’ll be staying here for a little longer.” Callum said with a huge
smile on his face.
“Really?” The little boy’s eyes glowed with happiness.
“Yes. Matutuloy na natin yung guitar lesson mo.” Sabi ni Callum.
Dad and Mama walked in and Arthur asked to be put down. He saw me staring
at him, and he instantly cowered in fear, running as fast as he could
past me and go to Mama and Dad. Dad wrapped his arms around Arthur and
kissed him on the cheek.
“Daddy, Mama, where have you been?” Arthur asked.
“Daddy had to go to the hospital.” Mama answered.
“Why? What happened to you? Did you get sick?” The little boy worriedly
asked as he looked at Dad.
“Daddy’s fine now. Chineck lang ako ng doctor.” He explained.
“I hope you’re okay now, Daddy…” He leaned his head against Dad’s chest.
“I don’t ever want you to get sick. Or Mama, or Kuya Miggy, or Kuya Coco,
or Ate Ronnie…”
“Aw, you’re such a sweet little thing.” Ronnie pinched his pink cheeks.
Kuya Miggy playfully messed with his dark hair and bent down to give him
a kiss on the side of his head. “Take care of Dad, okay?”
“Okay!” Arthur gave him a thumbs up.
“Dad, Ma, I really need to go. Baka malate kami sa appointment…” He
pulled his sleeve up and looked at his wrist watch.
“Drive carefully, okay?” Mama reminded like she always does.
“Dito ka na magdinner mamaya.” Dad said.
“Okay, Dad. Get well soon. Relax ka lang.” Kuya Miggy patted him on the
shoulder. “Ako na din bahala sa pagbook ng trip niyo. I’ll see you
later.”
Kuya Miggy said goodbye to us and left.
“Nagbreakfast na ba ang baby namin?” Dad turned his attention back to
Arthur.
“Mmhm! I had waffles and orange juice and a banana!” He cheerfully
answered.
“Mama and Daddy are going away for vacation. Hindi tayo kasama at baka
pagbalik nila may bagong baby na naman tayo. Hindi na ikaw yung bunso.”
Ronnie said.
“Ronnie…” Mama rolled her eyes and sighed.
“Bakit hindi kami kasama?” The boy pouted.
“Because you and Ate Ronnie have to go to school. Pero bibilhan kita ng
maraming candies at chocolates.” Dad told him.
“Sino gagawa ng baon ko pag wala si Mama? Saka sino tutulong sa homeworks
ko? Sino magpapaligo sa akin? Sino maghahatid sa akin to school?” He
asked.
“Kami muna.” Callum answered and then wrapped an arm around the small of
my back, pulling me to him. “Ate Drey and I will take care of you while
your Mama and Daddy are away.”
His gaze landed at me and then he threw his arms around Dad’s neck and
buried his face, he shook his head. “I don’t want.”
“Bakit? I thought you like Dr. Callum?” Mama asked, raking her fingers
through his hair.
“Just Dr. Callum…” He murmured, barely audible.
I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach when I heard what he said. It
was a horrible feeling. I wish I could turn back time and undo the trauma
I had inflicted on him. He used to always try to be close to me and all I
ever did was ignore and push him away. Now he couldn’t even look at me.
I tried to tell myself that this was a good thing. I didn’t want to get
attached to the child of the man who abused me. We were only going to be
here for a short span of time. Hindi ko naman kailangan maging malapit sa
kanya. Nandyan naman si Kuya Miggy, si Ronnie, si Callum. My plan was to
stay as far as possible away from him and wait until Mama and Dad comes
back from their vacation.
I exhaled a deep breath. “I’m just going to go upstairs and unpack our
things…” I turned and walked up to our bedroom.
In less than five minutes, the door opened as I unpacked our things from
the luggage and Callum went in.
“Audrey, I’m sure he didn’t mean what he said.” Sabi ni Callum.
“I don’t care if he doesn’t like me. I never wanted him…” I said, taking
our clothes out from the luggage and walking to the closet to put it in.
“We’re only going to be here for awhile and then when Mama and Dad comes
back, we’ll go back to California.”
“Audrey.” He stood in front of me blocking my way.
“Cal, I’m unpacking our things.” I tried to push him away but he didn’t
budge.
“I know you want to reach out to him. What’s stopping you? What are you
scared of?” He gently asked.
“That he’d be just like his father! Ayaw makita ang kahit katiting na
bahid ng hayop na ama niya sa kanya! He is the child of one of the men
who abused me, Cal! Ano bang mahirap intindihin dun?” My fingers clenched
into fists as I tried to keep my emotions under control.
“He’s not like his father. He’s loving and sweet and affectionate. I just
wish you’d stop looking at him that way and see him as he really is. He’s
just a little boy…” Callum gently said with sadness in his eyes. I knew
he just wanted to help. I could feel the genuinity in his voice.
“He doesn’t even like me! We don’t like each other! It’s better this way.
I don’t want to hurt him more.”
“Is that really the memory you want to carve into his young mind? Kung
pagpapatuloy mo ang trato mong ganito sa kanya, lalaki siyang may sama ng
loob sa’yo. I just hope you don’t leave him with nothing but bad
memories.” Cal placed his hands on my hips and let out an exhausted sigh.
“You don’t understand…”
“I understand more than you think I do. I see so much of myself in him,
Audrey. Naramdaman ko ang mga nararamdaman niya ngayon. I love you and I
understand and respect what you’re going through and I know it’s hard.
But the child is hurting too. Someday he’s going to grow up and remember
how you treated him.”
“I don’t know what to do, Cal.” I quietly admitted, my eyes fixed to the
ground.
“This is what I’m here for. We’ll work on this together. If you let me, I
will help you.” He pulled me against his body and kissed my forehead.
I didn’t know if this was going to work. I didn’t know if I could look at
him and not think of all the disgusting things that was done to me. I
didn’t know if I could stand next to him without feeling dirty. I didn’t
know but I wanted to try to open my heart for him. Gusto ko siyang
makilala bilang siya, hindi bilang bunga ng kahayupan sa akin. And I
trust that Callum could help me with this.
Chapter Twenty Five
“Okay lang ba talaga sa inyo na kayo muna ang magbantay sa dalawa?” Mama
looked at Callum and I.
“You don’t have to worry about anything. Kami na ang bahala kay Arthur at
Ronnie. Just try to enjor yourselves.” Callum assured her as he stood
next to me. Dad was waiting for her at the door with their suitcases, he
carries Arthur in his arms while Ronnie stood next to him. The three were
saying goodbye to each other and the boy was showering Dad with kisses.
“Thank you, Callum.” She smiled and then turned her gaze to me. “Drey
honey, take care of them, okay? Huwag mong pababayaan ang mga kapatid mo.
Please be patient with them.”
I quietly nodded my head. She then kissed me on the cheek and went to
join Dad with Arthur and Ronnie. Sumunod kami ni Callum.
“Basta Dad, don’t forget to buy me something nice.” Ronnie said, throwing
her arms around Dad’s neck.
“Of course, makakalimutan ko ba ang baby girl namin.” Dad kissed her on
the side of her head. “Just don’t give your Ate Drey and yur Kuya Callum
a hard time and don’t do anything stupid.”
“Do I look like someone who’d do something stupid?” She said, looking
exasperated.
“Yes.” Dad flatly answered.
“We’re going to be late for our flight. We need to go.” Sabi ni Mama.
“Bye, Mama!” Arthur held his arms out to her.
“Oh, you! Come here. Give Mama a hug and kisses!” She pulled the boy in
her arms and kissed him. Arthur gave Mama a tight hug and kissed her all
over the face.
“I’m going to miss you and Daddy. How many mornings will you be gone?”
the boy asked.
“Mm… fourteen mornings.” Mama answered.
“That’s a lot of mornings!” He exclaimed, his eyes widening. “When you
went to the US you were only gone for three mornings.”
“That’s because Daddy and I has to take a vacation. Daddy needs to relax
or else, he’ll be sick.” Mama explained.
“Why can’t we go?” He pouted.
“Because you have school. If you come with us you’d have to miss a lot of
school days. You don’t want that, do you?” Mama said as she held Arthur
in one arm and used her free hand to brushed he fingers through his hair.
He shook his head, his lips still pouting.
“Bibilhan ka na lang naming ng mararaming toys. Kayo ni Cookie.” Dad told
him before kissing him on the forehead.
“And when they get home meron ng bagong baby.” Ronnie added.
“Ronnie…” Ma scolded.
“I’m just kidding.” Ronnie said before wrapping her arms around Mama’s
waist. “I’ll miss you, Mama. May birth control at condom ba kayong dala?”
“Phoenix did you hear what your daughter said?” Mama’s eyes widened in
horrification.
“Young lady, san mo natutunan yan?” The lines of his face formed into a
deep frown.
“Ma, Dad, we had sex ed in high school. It’s not like I’m five!” She
rolled her eyes.
“If I found out you are sleeping with a boy…” Dad’s eyes narrowed into a
slit. “I will castrate that boy in front of you.
“Relax, ang puso mo.” Ronnie playfully massaged Dad’s shoulders and
laughed. “Don’t worry Dad. I’m as chaste as a nun.”
“Dad, Ma let’s go. You’re going to be late for your flight. Baka ma
traffic pa tayo.” Kuya Miggy came in from the front door and lifted some
of their luggages.
“Miggy, bantayan mo din ang mga kapatid mo, take care of them.” Mama
reminded.
“Yes, Ma. You and Dad enjoy yourselfves. You don’t have to worry about
anything.” Sabi ni Kuya
“Drey, huwag na huwag mong papalabasin ng gabi si Ronnie. Six o’clock
dapat nasa bahay nay an. Pag wala pa rin, itawag mo sa akin. Do not,
under any circumstances, let her leave by herself, palaging nakakalusot
yan sa securities.” Dad told me before wrapping an arm around me and
giving me a kiss on the forehead.
“Yes, Dad.” I answered, hugging him back.
Callum helped carry the luggages to Kuya Miggy’s car while Mama and Dad
were saying goodbye to us. They promised they’d call when they get to
Monaco where they’d be spending their vacation. After loading the car
with luggage, Ma and Dad got in and we watched as Kuya Miggy drove the
car away.

I watched as Callum and Arthur played in the living room. Callum chased
after Arthur as he jumped from one couch to the other, he caught the
little boy in his arms and started tickling him. I felt so lucky having
callum as my husband. I could safely say that I made the right decision
to marry him. Hindi lang ako ang tinanggap niya ng buong buo pati na rin
ang nagging bunga sa nangyari sa akin noon.
I see how much the two had grown fond of each other. Their bond was
undeniable and I couldsee how deeply Callum cared for the little boy. Mas
nagging magulang pa nga si Callum kay Arthur kumapara sa akin. I had
never hugged Arthur. I had never laughed with him. I had never kissed
him. I had never even held him in my arms. All I ever showed to him was
coldness and hostility.
I didn’t want Arthur. I never wanted him. My rapists were out there
somewhere, roaming free, while I was stuck with the living memory of
them. There was a grief and anger like I’d never felt before, wanting to
find those men. Bakit ako ang kailangan na habang-buhay na magbayad sa
kahayupang ginawa nila sa akin? I saw Arthur nothing but as a living
breathing memory of the assault
But the more I got to be with him, the more I see him as a child. Not a
bad memory. He was full of hugs and giggles and he makes the house light
up with happiness. I tried to stay away from him because ther is still
this fear na kapag tinanggap ko siya parang tinanggap ko na rin ang
nangyari sa akin. Gusto kong magbayad ang mga demonyong iyon sa ginawa
nila sa akin. I didn’t want to but I could feel my maternal instinct
overpowering the hatred that I felt. Whether I admit it or not, my heart
was slowly softening to him.
“Love…” Callum lifted his head up to me and smiled. “What are you doing
there?”
I blinked, snapping away my thoughts. “Dinner’s ready.”
Arthur threw away hi arms on Callum’s neck and buried hi tiny face into
his broad chest. Callum looked down at him as he cowered and stroked the
little boy’s hair.
“What’s wrong?” Callum gently asked. “Are you afraid of Ate Drey?”
He slowly nodded his head and then peeked a little. When he saw me
looking at him , he buried his face back into Callum’s chest.
“Why?” He asked.
“Hindi kami bati. She doesn’t like me. Sabi ni Cookie nice siya pero kay
Cookie lang siya nice, sa akin hindi.” His voice shook with tears and the
corners of his lips tugged downwards.
“That’s not true at all.” Callum said.
“Gusto ko lang naman maging friends pero nagalit siya sa akin kasi na
break ko ang clock niya. I said sorry pero ni hurt niya ako. Sabi niya
wag na daw akong lalapit sa kanya.” Sumbong ng bata.
“Nabigla lang si Ate Drey. She won’t do it again, will you? Callum lifted
his gaze up to me.
I slowly shook my head, feeling the lump forming in my throat. My heart
constricted when I heard what he told to Callum. Sa sobrang galit ko
nakalimutan kong isa lang siyang bata. He was just like Cookie and any
other kid. He wasn’t a monster like his father. He was innocent and pure
and a sweet little child.
“See.” He said to the boy. “She’s not going to hurt you.”
The boy hesistantly lifted his gaze at me then he hugged Callum a little
tighter. I could see genuine fear in his innocent eyes as he looked at
me.
“Do you think Dr. Callum will let anyone hurt you?” He gently asked.
Arthur shook his head, still unsmiling.
“I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He kissed the side of the boy’s
head.
I tooked a deep breath hoping it would lighten the heaviness in my chest.
“Nagluto ng baked mac. Sabi ni Ronnie favorite mo daw yun.”
“Nagluto si Ate Drey ng favorite mo. Do you want to eat?” Malambing na
tanong ni Callum.
“Okay.” He answered, almost in a whisper.
“All that playing must’ve made you hungry, huh?” Callum tried to lift the
mood back up.
“A little.” He answered.
“Just a little?” He playfully pinched his nose.
“Mmhm.”
“Really? Then I guess you’re not hungry enough for Ate Drey’s baked mac?”
Callum cocked his brows.
“Maybe a little more than a little.” The boy said.
Callum laughed and carried him in his arms. “Come on, let’s have sinner.
I don’t wan’t you to get more hungry a little more than a little.”
He walked up to me with Arthur in his one arm while he clung to him. They
were so comfortable with each other and their closeness was all too real.
Callum wrapped his other arm around the small of my back and kissed me on
the forehead. I turned my head to see Arthur looking at me, when I caught
him looking at me, he immediately turned away and rested his chin on
Callum’s shoulder. Isighed as I didn’t know how to approach him.
“I’m sure Ate Drey’s baked mac tastes good, don’t you think so?” He asked
Arthur, trying to ease the child to get more comfortable around me.
“Yeah…” The answered, his voice soft.
We headed to the dining room Ronnie already seated and was digging into
the food. Callum set Arthur down next to his seat and gave him a plate
full of baked mac. We all ate together but my attention was on my husband
and the little boy. Callum helped Arthur with his food and fed him just
like how Mama always did.
“Wow. You ate the whole thing!” Sabi ni Callum when Arthur took his last
bite. “Was it good?”
Arthur let out a cheeky smile and lifted his hand to give him a thumbs up
as he chewed his food.
“What do you have to say to Ate Drey? She was the one who made the baked
mac for you.” Sabi ni Callum habang pinupunasan ang gilid ng labi ni
Arthur.
Arthur swallowed and the looked at me. He looked back up at Callum with
hesitationin his eyes. Callum raised his brows, encouraging him.
“Thank you Ate Drey.” He quietly said and then looked away.
“You’re welcome.” I answered.
Pagkatapos kumain ay nagyaya ulit si Arthur na maglaro ulit sila ni
Callum. My husband happily obliged and took him to the living room.
“Ang sweet ni Kuya Callum kay Arthur. They look so cute together. Para
silang mag-ama.” Ronnie said as she watched them leave the room.
I answered with a smile.
“I’m sorry Ate.” She bit her bottom lip, realizing what she said.
“It’s okay. I already told Callum about Arthur. Alam na niya.” I sighed.
“Really? What did he say? How did he react?” she curiously asked.
“Naramdaman niya na daw nung una pa lang. he told me I didn’t need to
hide anything from him and that I should treat Arthur right.”
Ronnie let out a slight smile. “I’m glad you found the right guy for you
Ate. Hndi lang ikaw ang minahal niya pati na din si Arthur. I’m sure
he’ll be a great Dad someday.”
“I know.” I nodded my head back as smile began to break across my face.
“Are you planning to have a baby together?”She asked.
“Not at the moment.. isa pa, I don’t think I’ll be a good Mom.” My eyes
lowered to the ground as tears stung my eyes. “Hindi ko pa nahahawakan si
Arthur. The first time I ever really held him, nasaktan ko siya. Ni hindi
nga niya alam na ko ang tunay niyang ina.”
“Ate hindi madali ang napagdaanan mo. It’s hard to accept something that
came from a horrible experience. It’s something that no woman should ever
go through. I admire you a lot, Ate. More than you’ll ever know. Ikaw ang
inspirasyon ko para ipaglaban ang karapatan ng mga kababaihan. Kung alam
lang ni Arthur ang pinagdadaanan mo maiintidihan ka niya. You’ve always
been a wonderful Ate to me and I know you’ll be the best mother to your
future kids.” Ronnie’s eyes were soft filled with so much emotions.
“Ronnie, you don’t know how much those words mean to me.” My eyes were
glazed with tears as I hugged her.

After hanging out with Ronnie doing our hair and nails together just like
how we used to. I checked up on Arthur and Callum. Kanina ko pa kasi
hindi naririnig ang dalawa. Usually when the two are together there’s
always noise. It was unusually quiet when Ronnie and I got out of her
room after having some girl time.
I saw light coming from Arthur’s bedroom and I slowly pulled the doors
lever to his room to open it. I saw Callum siiting on the armchair next
to Arthur’s bed as he silently watched the sleeping boy. He turned his
head to me with eyes hooded with sleep.
“Hey…” He smiled and held his hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me
to sit on his lap. He then rested his chin on my shoulder.
“He’s sound asleep now.” Sabi ni Callum habang nakaingin kay Arthur. My
eyes averted to the little boy. He was hugging the Curious George stuffed
toy that I gave to him. I couldn’t help but feel a swelling in my heart
when my eyes caught it.
“Did you give that to him?” I asked.
“Yeah…” Callum said.
“He likes you a lot.” I commented.
“I love him. He’s a precious little boy.” He said and kissed my shoulder.
“Thank you, Audrey.”
“For what?”
“For reaching out to him. He’ll warm up to you again, don’t worry.”
“Callum ako nga dapat magpasalamat. Thank you for loving ang taking care
of Arthur. Sa akin siya nanggaling pero hindi ko siya naalagaan.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m your husband. What’s yours is mine and
what’s mine is yours.” He nuzzled his nose into my neck. I couldn’t asked
for a better husband than
Callum. He was even more than what I ever prayed and hoped for.
“What’s he like? Ano ba ang favorite color niya? Ano’ng favorite tv show
niya? Favorite books? Anong madalas niyang ginagawa?” I asked, staring at
Arthur.
“He’s a charming little man. It’s not hard to love him Audrey. He’s very
sweet and pure. He’s favorite color is blue because it remind him of the
sky. He likes to watched Bob the Builder and he laughs a lot when I read
him captain Underpants to him so I try not to read it to him as a bedtime
story because he wouldn’t be able to sleep. When I first asked him what
he wanted to be when he grows up he told me he wants to be a builder like
Bob or maybe a zookeeper so he could have his own George but now he wants
to be a musician. He loves learning how to play the guitar and all the
music I sing to him.”
My lips etched a sad smile. My husband knew more about my son than
myself. For a moment, the room fell silent.
“He looks so much like you, love. Look at him.” He whispered to my ear.
I studied his face for a few moment. He look slightly like Mama and
Ronnie with his dark hair. He also had lips the same as mine. I was so
fixed to the idea that he was the child of my rapist and not mine.
“He’s beautiful.” I sat on the edge of his bed and couldn’t help brushing
my fingers through his hair. Tears started sliding down my cheeks. This
was the first time I really felt hiw skin against my palm. He was so warm
and soft. I had a sudden epiphany. I knew right then that he was brought
to me for a purpose. Hindi siya isang parusa sa akin kung di isang
magandang regalo. This wasn’t the life I planned but somehow, this was
the life I intended to have. And now, I was ready to embrce it.
I held his little hand and buried my face in it. I held him and just
quietly cried. He shifted and moved a little but he didn’t wake up. I
felt Callum’s hand on my back as he rubbed it, trying to comfort me. I
turned my head and looked at Callum who fought the tears that was
threatening to fall from his eyes.
“Thank you.” I silently said.
Protected: Chapter Twenty Six
I was roughly slammed on my back and two hands automatically pinned me
down by my wrists. I tried to pry but it was so strong. I could hear the
menacing laugh of the man over my head. I felt another pair of hands
holding me by my thighs. I kicked but it was no use. Those fingers only
dug tighter into my skin.
I had broke free from the rope I was tied to for the second time and for
the second time they’d caught me again as I tried to pry my hands from
the rope that binded them together.
“Nooo…” My whole body shivered with fear as he pulled my thighs apart and
I felt him settling between them. Even though I knew my please were all
in vain, I still tried.
“Huwag. Please, tama na…”
I tried to pull my arms away but it was no use.
“Huwag kang lumaban. Di ka na naman virgin.” Humalakhak ang lalaki.
“Wala nang butas niyan ang virgin.” Another man commented and then they
all laughed.
I heard the man between my thighs unzipping his pants. My heart wanted to
leap out of my chest. I knew what was to happen next. I violently shook
my head. I hoped and prayed that something would happen to make them
stop. I didn’t care if its an asteroid would crash into earth and kill us
all. I just wanted to stop.
I jolted, my hips recoiling as I felt the brutal invasion in my body. I
cried out hard and loud as I had done before and made all the struggles.
I cried out until my throat was raw and sore. As he entered in and out of
me. Every thrust in felt like it was ripping me from the inside.
And then I went numb. I went into a state of calm awareness. I refused to
feel anything at all and tried to escape inside my head. I created a
bubble around me where I could hide as they did to my body whatever they
wanted. I was there but my mind wasn’t.
After awhile he groaned and stiffened on top of me and I felt a surge of
heat inside me. The other man cheered and laughed. He pulled out and jus
as I thought they were over, I was turned over to my stomach.
I heard audible gulps and swallows from behind me. After a few seconds or
so, I recoiled when it felt something cold and hard against my rear
opening. Just when I thought I my tears where drained, I let out a scream
as that object assaulted me. I clawed my nails on the hardwood, not
caring if they bend, break or bleed, as it would stop the assault. The
cold, hard object went in and out of me. The whole room echoed with shout
and laughters as if I was a clown in the circus.
“CALLUM!” I screamed as I tried to pry my eyes away from the ropes that
bound my arms. I felt panic growing in my chest and it overwhelmed me.
“It’s me…” He gently whispered as he took me from behind. I got the
reassurance I’d desperately wanted to hear.
“Callum, I want more… Harder…” I panted.
He held me by my waist as he continued thrusting in and out of me. Every
thrust was hard and rough. He savagely powered in and out, deep and
quick. My inner walls were sore from the brutal thrusts but never enough
to truly hurt me.
I liked it better when he takes control of me and how he possessed me.
This kind of power made me vulnerable in ways that I show my true self.
The complete surrender of everything was such a relief. This moment when
I was vulnerable was when I feel the most powerful. It was like looking
at my dark past in the eyes and saying fuck you. All the fear happens in
one moment. It’s scares me and then it’s over.
He dug into me one last time and then he released himself inside me. The
hot liquid that filled me was enough to bring me to my third orgasm.
Callum paused for awhile before slowly easing himself out of me. He
untied me and we huddled together. He mindlessly played with my hair and
I drew random shapes and his naked chest.
“Have you ever thought about having a baby?” I asked, out of the blue.
“A baby?” His brows furrowed.
“Yes. A mini you. You know I’ve always wanted to have a big family just
like ours. As a child, I’ve always dreamt of being like Mama.” I bit my
bottom lip.
“Of course, I want to have a baby.” He brushed his fingers through my
hair. “But what about Arthur? Have you thought about telling him that
you’re his real mother? Or will you just let him know you as his sister
for the rest of his life?”
That was one of the hardest questions that was ever asked to me.
“I had honestly never thought about that before.” I admitted and then
exhaled. “I don’t know Callum. Ayaw kong maguluhan siya dahil si Mama at
Dad na ang kinilala niyang magulang. Besides, how will I explain to him
things? Paano kung nagtanong siya kung sino ang ama niya? Ano ang
isasagot ko? Na nabuo siya dahil sa kababuyan na ginawa sa akin?”
“Audrey, I’m your husband. You know I’ll always be here for you. He
doesn’t know about that. We can tell him that I’m his father. When I
married you, I didn’t just marry you. I married your past, I married your
family, your skeletons, and everything that makes up of you.” He kissed
my forehead.
A smile made its way across my lips as I turned my head to look at him. I
couldn’t help but feel heaviness in my chest. Sana hindi nangyari sa akin
ang nangyari noon. Sana si Callum na lang ang nagging biological father
ni Arthur at hindi ang mga hayop na yun. He was a great father to him.
Everything would’ve been perfect.

I had already cooked our breakfast and was now packing Arthur and
Ronnie’s lunch in their bags. Callum was busy with getting Arthur ready
for school and Ronnie, God knows what she was doing now. I had sent Didi,
one of the helps, countless of times but all she got were grunts from
her. Sabi nga ni Mama mahirap talagang gisingin si Ronnie lalo na kapag
maaga ang pasok. You’d have to literally drag her out of bed which is
what I was going to do kapag hindi pa rin sya bumaba mamaya.
I could already hear Callum and Arthur talking and laughing in the other
room. I carefully placed Arthur’s lunch in his rocket ship lunch box and
the walked into the dining room. Arthur suddenly paused when he saw me
and ran into Callum’s arm.
I didn’t even know how I should approach my own child without him running
away from me. I had hurt his innocence deeply. Ako na sarili niyang ina
pa ang unang nanakit sa kanya. I wondered if he’d ever be able to forget
what I did and forgive me.
“Hey, it’s alright. It’s just Ate Drey.” Said Callum and sat Arthur down
back to his seat.
Our gaze met and I gave him a slight smile. Arthur turned away, looking a
bit scared. I let out a deep exhale. He couldn’t look at me without
feeling any fear. Ayaw ko naman pilitin siya o biglain ang bata. I knew
it would take some time before he eases up to me again. What he
experienced with me wasn’t easy for his innocent little mind.
“Did you make all these French toasts for Arthur, Ate Drey?” Callum
lifted his gaze up, breaking the tension in the air.
“I did.” I quietly said. “Did you like it?”
He didn’t answer.
“Ate Drey’s asking if you liked the french toasts.” Callum said to
Arthur, encouraging him to talk to me.
“Yes.” He answered, his head hung low.
“It’s like Mama’s French toasts.”
“Good morning, world!” Ronnie suddenly popped into the room and walked to
the table. She sat on her usual seat next to Arthur and kissed the little
boy on the cheek. “Ang bango bango naman ng baby naming.”
Arthur giggled, hugging Ronnie. I wondered if I’d ever get to experience
that with him.
“Ate Ronnie, Dr. Callum said he’s going to take me to school. My
classmates will be jealous because I have a doctor Kuya.” He said in a
proud tone.
Callum and Ronnie laughed at what he said.
“Bakit naman sila magiging jealous?” Asked Ronnie.
“Because I’m the only one who has a Dr. Callum and most of them wants to
be a doctor when they grow up.” He cheekily answered.
“Do you want to be a doctor when you grow up?” Ronnie asked again while
stroking his hair.
He shook his head. “No. I’m going to be a moose- mush- um, I’m going to
play guitar and sing and have a band like Dr. Callum!”
They roared with laughter. They looked so happy and I just sat there,
feeling like I was on the outside looking in.
“A musician. You want to be a musician?” Sabi ni Ronnie.
“Yes, that!” He exclaimed.
“It’s musician. Say it.” Callum encouraged.
“Mushishan.”
“Ano yun Japanese restaurant?” Natatawang sabi ni Ronnie.
“No. it’s muse…” Callum slowly said.
“Muse…” Arthur repeated after.
“Sician.”
“Sician.”
“Musician.”
“Mushishan.”
“Close enough.” Callum chuckled.
“I’m going to be just like you when I grow up! I’m going to have my own
band but I’m not going to name it after bugs. Like your band and The
Beatles.” He giggled.
‘What are you going to name it then?” Callum asked.
“Mmm…” He thought for a second.
“Um, Arthur’s band!”
“Nice name.” He praised. “I bet you thought of that band name really
hard, huh?”
After everyone was done with dinner, we headed to the garage and borrowed
one of my parent’s car. The two hopped inside the minivan, Callum slipped
inside the driver’s side and I on the passenger’s seat. Ronnie buckled
Arthur down in his car seat and Callum drove off.
Within less than thirty minutes we were already in the parking lot of
their school. Bumaba kami sa kotse para ihatid si Arthur papasok sa gate.
“Ronnie, take care of him, okay?” I said, when we stopped in front of the
door to his classroom.
“I know, Ate. You don’t have to remind me. para kang si Mama.” She
replied.
“This is my Dr. Callum!” Arthur proudly introduced Callum to another
little boy as he held on to his hand. “He’s a mind doctor and he heals
people’s brain.”
“Hi. How are you?” Callum waved at the boy.
“I have to go na, Ate. Baka malate na ako sa first class ko.” Ronnie
said.
“Yung lunch niyo baka makalimutan niyo.” I reminded, handling them their
lunch bags.
“Ate, I’m already in college. Who brings baon in college?” She rolled her
eyes.
“I did.” I answered.
“Bryce and I eat at the school café. I have my debit card with me.”
Ronnie said.
“Just take it.” I insisted.
She grunted before grabbing her lunch bag from my hand. I turned my head
to look at Arthur, he was now in Callum’s arms and they were saying
goodbye to each other. He hugged Callum and gave him a juicy kiss with a
loud smack. They looked so adorable together. I walked up to them and
handed him his rocket ship lunch bag.
“Here’s your lunch. Don’t forget to eat your fruits.” I handed Arthur his
lunch bag.
His eyes lowered to the bag, there was hesitation in them whether he
should take it or not. He finally took it from my hand and buried his
face into Callum’s chest.
“Say thank you.” Callum urged.
“Thank you…” He quietly said.
“You need to go to your classroom. Baka malate ka.” Sabi ni Callum.
“Okay. Bye, Dr. Callum!” Arthur kissed him on the cheek.
“Give Ate Drey a kiss too.” Callum said.
Arthur looked at me and then he hid his face into Callum before shaking
his head.
“Why?” He asked.
“She might get mad at me again.” Arthur mumbled.
“She won’t…” Callum looked at me.
“Ate Drey, will you get mad if Arthur kisses you?”
“No, I won’t.” I croaked a little.
“See. Come on, give Ate Drey a goodbye kiss.
He hesitantly leaned over me and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. The
feel of his kiss lingered on my skin and in my heart. I unknowingly held
my breath, feeling something melt in my chest. I felt tears well up my
eyes but I swallowed, trying hard not to cry.
“Your teacher’s waiting for you. Go inside your classroom,” Callum gently
said.
“Bye, Dr. Callum.” He waved at him.
Ronnie opened the door for him and we watched as he went in we could see
him through the small window of his classroom. He took off his bag and
sat on his seat. Ronnie said goodbye to us and went to her class.
Callum and I headed back to the car and he drove off. I let out a deep
sigh as I looked out the window. The weather was nice and sunny outside
but I felt gloomy. I wondered if Arthur would ever be comfortable around
me again. It would be nice to get a chance to play with him, hug him, and
kiss him.
“He’ll warm up to you again.” Callum took a quick glance at me as if he
had read my thought. “He’s a kid. Makakalimutan niya rin iyon.”
“What if he doesn’t?” I asked, worried.
“With time, he will. We’ll fill him with good memories until he finally
forgets about it.” There was promise in his tone.

Kuya Miggy came over for dinner and Mama and Dad called just after we
finished. They were already in Monaco and they just wanted to check how
everything were. After dinner, Callum spent his time teaching Arthur how
to play guitar. I watched and listened to them from afar. Hindi pa rin
ako makalapit sa kanya ng hindi sya natatakot sa akin. Hindi ko naman
siya masisisi kung ganon ang maging reaksyon niya tuwing makikita ako.
He had to pay the ultimate price for what they did to me. I looked at him
as monster like the men that had violated me but he was just an innocent
child. My child. I couldn’t bring back all the moments we didn’t spend
together. I could only hope that one day, he’d be able to forgive me.
Callum bathed him and changed him into his pajamas. He brought Arthur to
his room to tuck him to bed and I went to our bedroom to take a shower.
When I got out of the bathroom, Callum was already in bed, sound asleep.
All those playing must’ve tired him out. I slipped into bed and called
Mama and Dad to check on them. They were really enjoying Monaco. I didn’t
want to disturb their fun kaya nagpaalam na din ako agad sa kanila.
I turned off the night lamp beside my bed when I heard a cry from outside
our room. It sounded like Arthur. I quickly jumped out of bed and ran
outside the room. Arthur stood in front of Mama and Dad’s room.
“Mama! Daddy!” He cried.
“Arthur…” I walked towards him and dropped to my knees to level with him.
I gently wiped the tears from his face. “Why are you crying?”
“Mama and Daddy’s not in their room!” He sobbed. He looked like he’d just
awoken from his sleep and was still dazed.
“They’re on a vacation, remember?” I gently told him.
“I want my Mama!” He cried even harder.
“Shhh…” I pulled him into my arms and carried him.
“I-I w-want my Mama…” Humihikbing sabi niya. He rested his head on my
shoulder.
“I’m right here…” I hugged him tighter, feeling my throat constrict at
the effort not to cry. It felt so good having him in my arms.
He finally calm down, his cries turned into small sobs. I took him to our
bedroom and laid him down next to Callum. His sobs might have woken
Callum up and he looked at me and then his gaze averted to Arthur. From a
dazed and confused look, his eyes softened when he saw the little boy. He
scooted closer to him and wrapped an arm around him. Agad naman nakabalik
sa tulog ang dalawa.
I laid down next to Arthur and hugged him too. I kissed his hair and
inhaled his scent. He still smells like a baby. I didn’t want this moment
to end. I wanted so bad to make up for all the times I never got to kiss
him and hug him and just be with him. How I wanted to stay in this moment
forever.
A rush of pure longing assaulted me. I hadn’t been a part of his life for
almost four years. I didn’t know a single thing about him. I wondered how
many smiles and laughs had I missed. He was one happy kid. Maybe
thousands of it, probably even hundreds of thousands. Ilang beses na kaya
siyang umiyak sa loob ng mahigit tatlong taon? Naisip ko din ang ilang
beses na wala ako para patahanin sya. Ilang diapers niya ang hindi ko
napalitan? Ilang beses niya kaya akong kinailangan at wala ako sa tabi
niya? Tatlong birthday niya ang nagdaan at ni sa doon wala ako sa tabi
niya. Walang regalo, walang kahit ano. Mama and Dad would always send me
pictures of his birthday parties but I never looked at any of them.
Chapter Twenty Seven
“Good morning, love.” Callum let out a gentle smile when I fluttered my
eyes open. He was on his side, gently stroking Arthur’s hair as he
cuddled against Callum’s broad chest and my arms were around his waist.
I let out a lazy smile and he leaned forward to give me a quick kiss on
the lips. Our gaze both lowered on the precious thing right between us.
He was still sound asleep, looking like the angel he was. Everything
still felt surreal to me. I couldn’t believe he was beside me, my arm
wrapped around his tiny waist. Never in my wildest dream had I thought
this would ever happen.
I never gave him a chance. From the moment I found out that there was a
life growing inside me, I wanted to get rid of it. Wala pa sya sa mundo I
already rejected him. I hadn’t realized that he was as much a victim as I
was. If Mama and Dad didn’t intervene I would’ve had him aborted. Wala
sana sya dito sa tabi ko ngayon. I took a mental note to call them later
and thank them for convincing me to keep Arthur.
Because now after a long time, I was finally at peace with myself. Arthur
redeemed what they tried to destroy inside me. He was the flower that
grew from the cracks in my heart. I knew at this moment that this gift,
rare and beautiful, was given to me with a purpose. He had no part in any
of the ugliness that surrounded his conception. He was the reward I got
from all the pain I went through.
“Thanks for opening your heart to him. I know it won’t take long for him
to warm up to you again.” Callum softly said.
“Callum, am I a bad mother for abandoning him? Am I a bad person?” My
voice trembled as I spoke, my eyes still fixed on Arthur.
He shook his head. “I don’t want you to ever think that. You did what you
thought was right for you and it’s okay. You thought Arthur would make
everything more real for you, more painful. But he was the beauty that
came out of it. He’s your battle scar, Audrey. He’s yours and yours
alone.”
I buried my face into his hair and inhaled his scent. He smelled of baby
shampoo and innocence. Callum was right. Arthur was mine. He was my baby.
Just mine.
“I can’t take back the time we didn’t have together. I didn’t even have
the chance to be a mother to him. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako makakabawi
sa kanya.” I quietly said, my tears starting to sting the corners of my
eyes.
“We have two weeks with Arthur. You can’t take time back but it’s not too
late. This is your chance to be a mother to him. Hindi man n’ya malaman
na ikaw ang ina n’ya, at least just make him feel your love for him. We
can be a family for two weeks.” He said with hopeful pair of eyes.
“You think he would finally like me?” I asked.
“He’ll love you…” Callum gave me a warm smile.
“Oh, Cal, I can’t ask for a better husband. You’ve always been so
supported from the very start. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve
you.”
His dark eyes turned into somber hue, he lifted his hand up to gently
touch my face. “Don’t say that. You and Arthur are the best thing that
ever happened to me. I, too, am damaged. I know how you feel. But I also
want you to know that you deserve every good thing that ever happened and
will ever happen to you. I need you as much as you need me, Audrey. We’d
be lying to ourselves if we say we don’t need each other, if we don’t
need love to heal. We need someone to ease our sufferings and I found
that someone in you. I’ve never felt a love as gentle and soothing as
yours that it makes my fears, pains, and anger melt. You and Arthur have
shown me a more beautiful part of life. You made my entire being feel
like I’ve reached home. I don’t ever want you to think that you don’t
deserve this because that’s not true at all.”
I took the hand that cupped my face to my lips and kissed it. I thank God
for giving Callum to me. What we had was so intimate and raw. He’s help
me heal the wounds in my heart. Without him, I wouldn’t be laying next to
Arthur like this. For so long, I’ve been trying to cover the wounds but
all it did was ooze out and blead through the bandages I’d put and it
continued to stain my life. He was the one who gave me the courage and
strength to stick my hand inside the wound and pull the core of the pain
that held me back from my son. With them beside me, I found my solace.
“Daddy? Mama? “ Arthur lifted his head up with one-third of his eyes
opened. He rubbed his eyes with his fists.
“Hey, good morning, little guy.” Callum gave him a kiss on the side of
the head.
“Dr. Callum?” He said.
“Your Daddy and Mama’s on vacation, remember? Ate Drey and I will take
care of you while their gone. We can call them later.” Callum gently told
him.
“How many mornings till I get to see them again?” He buried his face back
into Callum’s chest.
“Thirteen more.”
“What do you want for breakfast, Arthur?” I asked, hoping he’d finally
speak to me.
He shyly turned his head to look at me and then hid into Callum again.
“Um, I want waffles and sausage.”
“Are you talking to my chest?” Callum chuckled. “Look at Ate Drey and
tell her what you want. She’s the one who’s going to make our breakfast
for us.”
Arthur slowly turned his head to me and looked at me. “Ate Drey, I want
waffles and sausage.”
My heart welled up with unexplainable happiness when he said my name. It
felt like it wanted to leap from my chest. I couldn’t help the smile from
cracking on my lips. “Anything for you. Bababa lang ako. You and Dr.
Callum go get ready for school okay? I’m going to make you the best
waffle ever.”
He hesitantly nodded his head. I took a quick shower and went down to
cook their breakfast for them while Callum was getting him ready for
school. Kuya Miggy came over to check up on us and have breakfast with
us. We dropped the kids off to school after our breakfast.
The door to Arthur’s classroom, their teacher stood by it, while the
children walked out in line. Callum and I waited for Arthur and when he
saw Callum, his face immediately lit up and he ran to him. Sinalo s’ya ni
Callum sa mga bisig nito at binuhat.
“What did you do today?” He asked.
“We made art.” Arthur answered.
“What kind of art?”
“Arthur grabbed his backpack from his back and unzippd it. He took out
what he looked like a white paper plate and on the white were scribbly
numbers around the plate in different colors and two arrows stuck in the
center. There was also a drawing of a two stick figures holding hands.
“We made a clock.” Arthur proudly showed it to Callum. “My teacher said
that we can never take time back so we shouldn’t waste it . We should
always give it to someone we love. Now I know why Ate Drey got mad at me
because Daddy gave that clock to her.”
He slowly turned his gazed at mine. There was no fear in them anymore. My
breath caught in my throat at the apology in those wide eyes.
“Ate Drey, I want to give this to you. I’m sorry for breaking your
clock.” He held the clock craft to me.
I felt painful sting in my heart. Ako ang may kasalanan at ito siya
ngayon, humihingi ng tawad sa akin. Kung alam nyiya lang kung gaano
kalaki ang kasalanan ko sa kanya. I wanted to kill him when he was still
inside me and I wanted to give him away when he was still a baby. I
rejected and abandoned him from the day I found out I was carrying him.
I’d done so many things a mother wouldn’t do to her child and now he was
the one apologizing to me.
I shook my head and I couldn’t help wrapping my arms around him. Kinuha
ko siya mula kay Callum at niyakap ng mahigpit. “No, don’t apologize to
me. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry, Arthur. I’m so sorry.”
My heart ached with longing and so much love, I thought it was going to
burst. I buried my face into his hair and couldn’t help but cry. “Wala
kang kasalanan. It was never your fault.”
“Bati na tayo Ate Drey?” He asked innocently as he looked up at me with
doe-like eyes.
“Of course.” I sniffled. “I’m so sorry for everything I did to you.”
“It’s okay. Don’t cry. Why are you crying?” He lifted his tiny hands up
to touch my face and wiped away my tears.
Callum let out a low laugh. I couldn’t help but laugh too despite the
tears gushing out of my eyes. He was just adorably innocent. I hugged him
tighter and kissed him on the cheek.
“Ate Drey’s just very happy.” Callum answered for me.
“Me too. Kasi bati na tayo.” He wrapped his arms around my neck. “I love
you Ate Drey. You’re not mad at me anymore?”
I shook my head. “Hindi na. I love you, too.”
It felt so good to say that to him. I wanted to say those words to him
over and over again as if it would make up for the times he hadn’t heard
it from me. I wanted to hug him for as long as I could. It was like I was
holding my breath all this time and finally getting to breathe again. I
had never felt an emotion as pure as this.
“Ate, nandito yung mga videos at albums ni Arthur simula noong baby pa
siya.” Ronnie handed me a small box. We all had our own boxes where Mama
keeps all our memories. I took the blue box with his name embedded on the
lid.
“Thanks, Ronnie.” I smiled.
“Ate, I’m so happy for you and Arthur.” She sincerely said. “Kahit hindi
niya alam o kahit niya malaman na ikaw ang totoong Mama niya, alam naman
niya na minahal mo siya. He was so happy, Ate.”
What she said melted my heart. I didn’t know it had that much impact to
him.
“He’s a real sweetheart, Ronnie. Alam mo gusto ko mainggit dahil nandoon
kayo sa mga importanteng parte ng buhay niya. Alam kong hindi siya
nagkulang sa pagmamahal niyo pero gusto ko pa rin ibigay sa kanya ang
pagmamahal na hindi ko naibigay sa kanya sa loob ng tatlong taon na wala
ako sa tabi niya. I should’ve love him instead of focusing on the hate I
feel for the men who abused me.”
“It’s okay, Ate. It’s not yet too late. You can make new memories with
him.” She said.
I let out a warm smile despite the squeeze I felt inside my chest. That
was what I intend to do. Kahit hindi man niya malaman na ako nga ang
tunay na ina niya, gusto ko maalala niya ako sa magandang paraan. I
wanted him to forget all the bad things I did and remember only the good
things.
I walked in on Callum and Arthur playing guitar on our bed. I stood under
the door frame and justwatched and listend to the two.
“Close your eyes. Have no fear. The monster’s gone. He’s on the run and
your daddy’s here. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…” Callum looked at
Arthur, giving him his cue.
“Beautiful boy…” Arthur sang and giggled.
“Before you go to sleep. Say a little prayer. Every day in every way,
it’s getting better and better. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful…”
“Beautiful boy.” The little boy sang together with him again.
“Out on the ocean sailing away. I can hardly wait. To see you come of
age. But I guess we’ll both just have to be patient. Cause it’s a long
way to go. A hard row to hoe. Yes it’s a long way to go. But in the
meantime… Before you cross the street. Take my hand Life is what happens
to you while you’re busy making other plans.” Callum wiggled his brows to
him.
“Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy…” They both sang.
I put the box down so I could clap. They just looked so adorable as they
sang together. The two looks up at me with grins on their faces.
“Hey…” Callum said.
“Anong song yan kinakanta niyo?” I asked as I walked to the bed with the
box in my hand.
“Beautiful boy by John Lemon.” Sagot ni Arthur.
“John Lennon. Not Lemon.” Callum snorted.
“I keep forgetting.” He cutely wrinkled his nose.
“It’s okay. You did great.” He playfully messed the boy’s hair and pulled
him in his arms. “Are you going to sleep with me and Ate Drey again?”
“Mmhm!” He nodded his head.
“Very well then. Let’s get to bed. We have to be up early tomorrow.” Sabi
ni Callum at humiga sa kama. He then lifted his eyes up to me as they
laid in bed together. His eyes averted to the box I had on my lap.
“What’s that?”
“Arthur’s videos and pictures.” I smiled.
“My pictures?” He turned his head to me.
“Yes, when you were a baby.” I brushed my fingers through his thick, dark
hair. “Kasi wala si Ate Drey noong baby ka, di ba? I missed your
birthdays, I missed three Christmas with you, I missed seeing you grow up
to the smart little boy you are now.”
“In the next Christmas and my birthday, are you and Dr. Callum going to
be here? Babalik ba kayo sa Amerika?” He asked, yawning.
Callum and I looked at each other. Both of us were obviously stunned. We
didn’t know how to answer his question.
“We still haven’t talked about it, Arthur. Pero huwag kang mag-alala
kahit umalis kami, I promise we’ll be here for your birthday and
Christmas, diba Ate Drey?” Callum looked at me.
“Of course…” My voice croacked a little. Just the thought of leaving
Arthur again made my insides ache. I knew leaving him would be for
thebest. Ayaw kong maguluhan ang bata. I didn’t want him to know that he
came from me because Iwas afraid he’d ask about his father. Ayaw kong
malaman niya na demonyo ang ama niya. I never wanted him to know that he
was carrying the blood of one of the men who abused me. I would always be
just Ate Drey to her.
“Why don’t we just watch the videos?” Callum suggested, trying to lit up
the somber mood.
“Yeah, I want to watch!” Arthur excitedly said.
I found his first video as it had a date on it. It was the day I give
birth to him. He was a big baby. I remember being in labor for a whole
day. I remembered hearing his cry after my fifth push. I didn’t want to
see him after that. I wanted him away from me. Ni hindi ko siya nagawang
tignan noon. All I knew was that he was a big baby. Yun ang sabi sa akin
ng doctor at ng mga kapatid ko.
Seeing his video now made my heart ache. This was the moment I lost and
could never get back. Ronnie was filming as I could hear her voice while
Mama carried him in her arms. Dad stood behind Mama, cooing over him. He
had rosy pink skin, cute chubby cheeks, pinkish lips and pointed nose.
‘He’s a handsome little boy.” Callum said as he brushed his fingers
through Arthur’s hair as he slept on top of his chest.
“I could’ve been the one holding him that time…” May panghihinayang na
sabi ko. Callum held his arm out to me and I scooted closer to him,
resting my head on his chest. I looked at Arthur who slept like an angel,
his face just inches from mine. I could feel his breath on my face and it
smelled of milk that he’d had before he went to bed.
“What’s important right now is that he’s here with us. We’re a family
now.” Callum gently said.
I wrapped my arm around Arthur and Callum and gave the little boy a kiss.
The thought of it warmed my heart. We were a family. Arthur, Callum, and
I. I wished it could stay like this forever.
“This is the family I never had in my childhood. I’ve always wanted this.
I don’t think I can leave him, Audrey.” Callum let out a deep sigh. “My
father thought I was my mother’s son from previous affair. But I knew and
my mother knew that he was my real Dad. All his anger was taken out on
me. I was like a human punching bag to him. My mother never intervined,
my Dad rejected me and so did she. She’s just watched with cold, empty
eyes whenever my Dad would hurt me. I get beaten up for the smallest
things like forgetting to wash the dishes.”
“Oh, Cal…” I looked at him with pity.
“Sa’yo at kay Arthur ko lang naramdaman ang ganito. I don’t ever want to
let go of this. Of him.” He said, his voice sounded desperate. Far from
the rational Callum I knew. “Why don’t we just tell him that you’re his
real mother and I’m his Dad. I am willing to father him.”
My eyes lowered back to the little boy. “Si Mama at Dad na ang kinilala
niyang mga magulang. We can’t just come into his life and tell him that
we’re his parents.”
“I only knew him for a short period of time and I already love him. He’s
a special boy. He’s our boy.” He said, sorrow evident on his voice.
Chapter Twenty Eight
I had been watching Arthur and Callum run around the backyard, barefoot,
since getting home from school. After getting tired of playing, Callum
went in to get their guitar so they could have a mini concert and their
audience was none other than me, I entertained him for a bit and played
with him while Callum was inside.
“This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home,
this little piggy had roast beef, this little pig had none and this
little piggy…” I said, holding up Arthur’s last toe, the smallest one. He
was already grinning from ear to ear, anticipating what I’d do next. I
made a dramatic pause just so that I could surprise him. Then I tickled
his feet and he began wiggling and laughing. “This little piggy cried wee
wee all the way home!”
“Ate Drey!” He hysterically laughed as I tickled his foot.
I stopped after when he couldn’t catch his breath from laughing so much.
“Tama na. Baka kabagin ka na niyan.”
“Ate Drey, I want to play more!” He excitedly said.
“Aren’t you tired yet? I asked, brushing my fingers through his thick
hair.
“No! I like playing with you! Ngayon lang kasi ikaw nakipagplay sa akin
kasi dati ayaw mo. Kaya nagwawatch lang ako pag nag peplay kayo ni Cookie
but sometimes I get jealous. Now I get to play with you!” He happily
said. His innocence was heartwarming and heart shattering at the same
time. I couldn’t imagine the pain and jealousy he felt at that time. It
was him who I should be loving more but instead all I ever gave him were
heartaches.
“Oh, Arthur. I’m sorry.” I hugged him really tight, the tightest I could.
As if it would make up for all the times I didn’t get to hug him like
this. I felt his soft, little body against mine. I inhaled his scent and
I never wanted it to go away.
“Why?” He said, sounding puzzled.
“Because I never got to play with you when you wanted someone to play
with.” My voice squeaked, feeling like something was stuck in my throat.
“But now and tomorrow and the tomorrow after tomorrow you’ll play with me
again?” He asked.
I nodded my head. “I will always be here to play you.”
“When Mama and Daddy comes back, you and Dr. Callum will go back to
America. Paano tayo magpeplay? ” He pouted.
“Pwede naman tayong mag video call katulad ng ginagawa niyo ni Mama at
Daddy ngyon habang nasa vacation sila.” I said, tears stinging in my
eyes.
“You will talk to me? Kasi kapag nagcacall ka kay Mama di kita
nakakausap.” His usual vibrant hazel eyes turned sad.
“I’ll talk to you. I’ll call you and we’ll talk every day.” I said,
keeping my tears in. “Palagi mo akong kukwentuhan kung ano ang ginawa
niyo sa school, ha? Kung kailangan mo ng help sa homework mo, nandito
ako. Ikwento mo sa akin kung may new friends ka o kung may award kang
nakuha. Tell me all the good and bad things that happened to you and Ate
Drey will always listen to you.”
He nodded his head.
“Pinky swear?” I held out my pinky finger.
“Pinky swear!” He entwined his pinky with mine.
“Halika nga ditto! Give Ate Drey your tightest bear hug! Katulad ng hug
mo kay Dr. Callum.” I said.
And he did. He hugged me and the smile on my face collapsed. Mas mabuti
na yung ganito. Mabuti na yung siyang alam na hindi niya ako Ate. It
would hurt him if he finds out that Mama and Dad were not his real
parents. Maguguluhan lang siya. Masaya naman siya kina Mama at mahal na
mahal nila si Arthur. They gave the love I never gave to him while he was
growing up. I knew it would hurt to leave but this was for the best. This
was for him. I wanted him to live a normal life and to have a normal
family.
“Hey!” Callum sat next to me. “What are the two love of my life doing?”
“Dr Callum!” He lifted his head up from my shoulder and turned his head
to my Callum. “Ate Drey and I are playing.”
“What are you playing?” Callum sat on the rug next to us.
“Little piggies!” He climbed on Callum’s lap and sat there.
“Pakiss nga sa baby namin.” Malambing na sabi niya. Callum bend his head
down to give him a kiss on the cheek. He giggled cutely as Callum’s
stubbles brushed against his smooth skin. “I have a surprise.”
“What?” He excitedly turned his head to him.
“Tadaaaa!” Inangat ni Callum ang kamay niya at ipinakita ang isang
garapon. Inside the clear jar was a butterfly.
“Oooh! A butterfly!” His eyes widened and his mouth formed an o.
“Isn’t it cool?” Callum smiled. “When I was a kid, I used to catch bugs
and butterflies all day. Wala kasi akong kalaro noon.”
“What do you do with the bugs you catch?” Arthur curiously asked.
“I let them go.”
“You let them go? Why?”
“Because they don’t belong in a tiny jar. They need to be somewhere big
and beautiful with lots of flowers and plants. I only catch them so I can
name them so when I see them again, I can say hi to them.” There was an
innocent glow in Callum’s dark eyes. It was so amusing to see. “What do
you want to name this butterfly?”
“Ringo Starr!” Arthur grinned.
“That’s my boy!” Callum chuckled, playfully messing Arthur’s dark hair.
“Please, do the honor of opening the jar.”
Arthur opened the jar and the butterfly flew out of it, its orange wings
flapping gracefully.
“Cool!” Arthur exclaimes as he watched the butterfly.
“See. He looks so much better in the garden than in a jar.” Sabi ni
Callum.
“Bye, Ringo Starr!” Arthur jumped up and down, waving at the butterfly.
Callum and I both laughed and then he pulled the little boy back to his
lap.
“So bugs were your only friends, that’s why you love The Beatles and you
named your band Glow Worms.” Arthur snorted.
“You’re one smart little boy.” He chuckled and mindlessly raked his
fingers through the boy’s hair. “I stopped hanging out with bugs when I
discovered music.”
“Who thought you how to play music?” Arthur asked.
“My music teacher. She taught me how to play guitar, she would let me
take her guitar home so I could practice by myself. I was a really lonely
kid. My father doesn’t like me playing with other kids.”
“Why?”
“It’s hard to explain, Arthur.” He said and kissed him again. He exhaled
heavily. His father believed that he was his mother’s lover son. Bukod sa
pananakit ng ama niya ay ayaw niyang nakikita ng ibang tao si
Callum.Sinabi niya sa akin na ikinahihiya siya ng ama niya. I couldn’t
help but feel squeeze when he was telling me his story. I remembered
Arthur and myself. I treated Arthur like how his father treated him. Kaya
siguro ganon na lang ang pagmamahal niya kay Arthur. If I could only turn
back time, I would. “But whenever I play the guitar or any other music, I
don’t feel as lonely anymore.”
“Sometimes I feel lonely too. Especially when Cookie has to go to Ate
Anais’ house and I have no one to play with. But now I am not lonely
because I have you and Ate Drey.” He wrapped his arms around Callum’s
neck. “I’ll get really, really sad when you go back to America.”
“I’m going to leave the guitar to you. Play it whenever you’re lonely or
sad, okay?” He gently said.
Arthur nodded his head. “And I am going it too whenever I miss you and
Ate Drey.”
“And whenever you miss me and Ate Drey.” Callum lifted his gaze up at me
and smiled.
Why couldn’t everything be as perfect as this moment? I wanted to get
lost in our own little world right here. Just Arthur, Callum and I. I
wanted so bad for us to be a family. Knowing that our time was limited,
that we’d have to go back to reality once Mama and Dad comes back, felt
like a punch in a gut.
“You said you two are going to perform.” I pushed those thoughts away and
tried to focus on this b beautiful moment with them.
“We are!” Callum grabbed the guitar that was strapped on his back.
“May concert kayo pero wala pa rin pangalan ang band niyo.” I giggled.
“We already have a name for our band.” Sabi naman ni Callum.
“We do?” Arthur’s brows furrowed.
“Yeah. Our band’s called Arthur’s band. We’re going to be the best band
ever. You and I. We’ll be better than The Beatles and Queen.” Callum
said.
“Yeah!” Arthur agreed.
Callum grabbed a banana from the snack plate I took out and pretend it
was a microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you the
band that will make The Beatles look like a garage band. Arthur’s band!”
Arthur played a bit, he already knew how to play a little bit of the song
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Stars. Still a bit out of tune but he was good
for a beginner. I laughed and cheered for them as the two struggled with
their mini concert. But the concert was cut out short when Ronnie and
Tito Rome came out from inside the house. Nagpaalam si Ronnie kanina na
magshhoshopping at pinayagan ko lang ng sabihin niyang kasama si Tito
Rome.
“Aba! Ang galing naman ng baby na yan.” Tito Rome said. Tito Rome was
Mama’s bestfriend and he’d been in our life for as long as I could
remember. He was like a second mom to us. He was our go-to whenever we
knew we were in trouble with Mama and Dad. I didn’t have to introduce
Callum to him as they’d already met a couple of times before.
Arthur turned his head smiled, a big smile when he saw Tito Rome. “Ninong
Rome!”
“Hi baby!” Tito Rome greeted him with a hug. “Ang galing mo na magplay ng
guitar.”
“Dr. Callum taught me how to play!” He proudly said.
“They’re having a mini concert. Why don’t you two sit down and watch them
with me para naman hindi lang ako ang audience at para lumaki na ang fans
club ng Arthur’s band.” I joked.
“Oh, sure! Ako ang magiging unang fan ng baby Arthur natin.” Sabi ni
Ninang.
“Nauna na ako, Tito Rome. I am the first and number one fan!” I laughed.
The two sat down next to me and watched Arthur and Callum’s mini concert.
Pagkatapos ng concert ay nagdinner na kami. Tito Rome decided to stay and
have dinner with us.

“Your Mama asked me to check on you.” Tito Rome as he cut through his
steak with a knife. “Alam niyo naman yung mother dear at ang pudra niyo,
masyadong paranoid. Sabi nga nitong kapatid mo , hindi daw siya makalabas
ng walang bantay.”
“Fairy godmother, grabe sila! Buti na nga lang talaga dumating ka,
mababaliw na ako dito. Daig ko pa ang nasa bilibid prison dito. Makatapak
nga lang ako ng isang beses sa tapat ng gate namin feeling ko
maglalabasan ang SWAT team.” Ronnie exaggeratedly said.
“Kaya nga I took her out. We went shopping, nagpasalon kami at nagpamani-
pedi. Ayaw mo naman sumama, minsan na nga lang tayo makapagbonding.” Sabi
ni Tito Rome.
“May next time pa naman,Tito Rome.” I smiled and turned my attention to
Ronnie. “For sure, malaki na naman ang ginastos ng baby girl ni Mama at
Daddy. Ang dami mong paper bag na inuwi. You know, money doesn’t grow on
trees.”
“There were no trees harmed during my shopping trip. I used Daddy’s
credit card .” She let out a cheeky smile.
“RONNIE!” Pinandilatan ko siya.
“Dad said I can use it.”
“For emergency!” I exclaimed.
“It was an emergency. An emergency shopping haul.” She reasoned.
I couldn’t help but slap my forehead with my hand. Now I knew why Mama
and Dad had to get away from… from THIS!!!! She s such a headache.
“Kaya ito ang favorite ko. She’s my spirit animal.” Tito Rome hugged my
sister.
“Hayaan mo na. Mayaman naman ang Daddy niyo. A fashion emergency is a
real emergency.”
I just rolled my eyes. Nakahanap na naman ng kakampi ang gaga.
“So, Callum… you seem so good with children. May plano na ba kayong
magkababy?” Tito Rome asked.
I almost choked on the steak I was chewing.
Nagkibit-balikat siya. “We haven’t really talked about it but if it
comes, it comes.”
“Sayanag ang genes niyo, I’m sure your baby will look as beautiful as
Arthur. Ang ganda-ganda ng Audrey namin at unfairness, may taste siya
dahil ikaw ang pinakasalan niya. Isa pa, walang Cordovang pangit no?
Magbaby na kayo at baka maunahan pa kayo ng Daddy at Mama niyo.” Tito
Rome chuckled.
“As long as it’s okay with Audrey and Arthur, I’m fine with it.” Callum
Gabe both of us a tender smile.
The thought of building a family with Arthur, Callum and our future child
together warmed my heart.
“Yun naman pala eh.” Sabi ni Tito Rome. “Arthur, pag nagkababy ba si Ate
Audrey at Kuya Callum, is it okay with you?”
“Um…” He thought for a while and then he pouted. “If they’ll have a baby,
I won’t be their baby anymore.”
“You won’t be anymore because you’ll be a Kuya Arthur. Don’t you want
that?” Callum wiggled his brows.
“Kuya Arthur. That sounds so grown up.” Tito Rome said. “Ikaw na
maghehelp na mag-alaga sa baby ni Ate Drey mo.”
“Pwede na din sumali ang baby sa band niyo, madadagdagan kayo. Diba ang
The Beatles four ang mushishan. Eh kayo two lang ni Kuya Callum.” Ronnie
joined in.
“Well, okay! Can we get a baby tomorrow?” He innocently asked, looking at
me and Callum.
The dining room filled up with laughter.
I laid on my side, watching Arthur s he slept peacefully beside me. I
stroked his dark hair and just savored every moment I had with him. I
didn’t know motherhood would be like this . This would be forever etched
in my heart and mind.
“Ang bilis naman makatulog ng baby natin.” Callum said as he looked at
Arthur.
“Napagod sa concert niya kanina.” I laughed.
“Our little musician wants to be a Kuya.” Callum said, his gaze lifting
up to mine. “ What do you think? Should we start making one?”
“Right now?” My eyes widened.
“Right now.” He nodded his head as a naughty smile broke across his lips.
“Ano ka ba? Natutulog dito si Arthur.” I bit my bottom lip.
“We still haven’t take a bath.” He playfully winked and then slowly slid
out of the bed. “I’m going to set the mood in there. I’ll wait for you
okay?”
“Callum.” I shook my head, giggling.
He exaggeratedly bit his lips and winked at me before disappearing into
the bathroom door. I didn’t play hard to get. After a few minutes, I
found myself quietly getting out of the bed, careful not to wake the
little one up.
Chapter Twenty Nine
The ambience in the bathroom was intimate and romantic. There were small
lit candle around the tub where Callum sat in, the dim lights were the
only lights that were turned on, there was a slow romantic music playing
in the background.
He held his arm out to me, inviting me to join him in. I slowly took off
my dress and let it fall to the ground. Then my bra and underwaer until I
was left with nothing on. Callum’s dark eyer glinted with pure
unadulterated passion as they grazed down my body. I slowly walked
towards him and took his hand. He guided me as I stepped inside the tub.
“I want to make love to you, Audrey.” He pulled me to his body as I
settled astride his hips, our sex touching each other. “I want you…”
Our lips lightly grazed upon each other. He pulled me to him, deepening
our kiss. He dipped his tongue inside my mount and explored it. He teared
his mouth from mine, his lips trailed down my neck and he began lightly
sucking my sensitive fleshs as his hand went down between my legs. He
found my clit and started playing with it with two fingers. He knew
exactly where to touch me and what would make me go crazy.
This wasn’t as rough and wild as our usual lovemeking but I was starting
to feel something now. This felt so good, normal, and natural. It wasn’t
an attempt to erase memories of awful touches. This was making love.
Callum lowered his head to my breast and began suking it, his fingers dug
inside me as his thumb continues playing with my clit. I closed my eyes
and just felt every sensation he gave to my body. I welcomed them with
abondon as he plunged his two fingers in and out of my wet mound. My hips
started moving up and down on his hands, meeting his fingers thrust.
While doing that, his lips moved from one of my breasts to the other. I
could feel his tongue swirling around my nipple and flicking the very top
of it.
“Cal…” I moaned his name, fingers tightening on his shoulders. “Cal, that
feels so good. Faster. I want more. I want you inside me.”
He sucked on my breast harder and then added a third finger. I was on the
verge of orgasm. I could feel a scream rising from my throat when his
mouth tore away from my breast and he stopped fingering me. How I wanted
to scream and cry out his name.
“Cal, please…” I breathed heavily.
“Touch me.” He panted, guiding my hand to his length.” Just touch me,
Audrey. Let me show you’ve done.”
My fingers authomatically wrapped around him. He was thick and big and I
could feel his veins pulsate with life against my skin. I started to move
my hand slowly up and down, he groaned and crashed his lips against mine.
I nestled against his thigh, stradding it. I strocked back and forth,
grinding my aching sex against him to try to find relief.
“Yes, fuck my thigh.” He encouraged. “How does it feel, love?”
“Good.” I answered, humping his thigh harder as I continued moving my
hand up and down his length.
“I want to feel good, Audrey. I want you to make yourself feel good.” He
said, burying his face into the crook of my neck. “Have you ever
pleasured yourself before?”
I slowly shook my head, feeling even hotter between my thighs.
“You’re such a good girl…” He shook his head abd then sighed. “I want you
to explore your body. I want you to be afraid of anything it can do,
okay?”
I nodded, biting my bottom lip.
“Come here.” He held me by the waist and pulled me to him with my back
resting against his muscular chest. “You can stop whenever you feel
uncomfortable.”
“Okay.” My voice came out as a squeak. I didn’t know why my heart was
suddenly pounding hard against my ribs. He took my hand and brought it
between my thighs and placed my palm on my sex.
“There’s no wrong or right way to pleasure yourself. Just do what makes
you feel good.” He whispered breathlessly.
And so I did. I swallowed as I began moving my finger through my folds. I
could feel Callum’s chest heaving in anticipation against my back and his
manhood poking me while his hands squeezed my waist. My breath hitched
when my fingers grazed my clit. This was my where it felt good the most.
“Callum…” A moan escaped my lips as I rubbed my nub. I leaned against his
body, relaxing as pleasure took over me.
“Keep going, love. I want to see you come.” Callum hoarsely whispered in
my ear. He brought my free hand to my breast and cuppred it there. I
rubbed myself even faster, my hips thrusting high. My other hand started
squeezing my braest. Callum held me by my jaw and turned my face to him.
His lips were instantly on mine and I opened my mouth to him. His tongue
thrust in again and tasted my mouth.
“I want you so bad it hurts.” He groaned into my mounth.
“I want you too, Cal.”
He lifted my hip up and slowly, he eased me down his manhood. I let out a
satisfied exhale when I felt him slowly entering me.
“Don’t stop. Keep touching yourself for me.” He pushed me further down
until he was all the way inside me. My lips parted, overwhelmed with the
pleasure I felt. I was rubbing my clits while he was deep inside me.
There were no words to explain how good and erotic this felt.
Callum began to lift my hips up and then he moved me down again. He
impaled me soft at first but he soon picked up the pace. He bent me over
the edge of the tub and positioned myself behind me. He thrust in and out
of me with full force as he held on to my waist. All the while I was
touching myself. The heat built up in my stomach and it was almost
intolerable.
“You feel so good, love. I’m going to come. I’m going to come inside
you…” He panted heavily.
“Yes Cal, please…” I said.
I felt the explosion inside me, both from his and mine. My body slowly
relaxed as I came down from my climax and he collapsed back on the tub.
He cuddled me in his arms and rested his head on my shoulder.
“That was amazing.” He left a soft kiss on my neck.
“Mmm…” I purred, agreeing.
“Stop taking pills so we could make Arthur a Kuya soon. We need a new
member for our band.” He chuckled quietly.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You two would have to wait for at least nine
months.”
“We don’t mind waiting. I hope our baby will be as cute and smart as his
or her Kuya Arthur.”
I turned my head so I could look at him in the eye. “Cal, thank you for
loving my son.”
“No, thank you for giving me a son. I don’t want you to ever see him as
just yours. When I married you, he became my son too. He’s mine as much
as he’s yours now, he won’t be any different from the children we’ll have
in the future.”
“Oh Callum…” I turned my body to his so that I could embrace him.

“I am so excited kasi makikilala na ng teacher at classmates ko ang Dr.

Callum ko at ang Ate Drey ko.” He said, swinging both our hands that’s
was holding each of his. “They’re going to think I’m cool because I have
a doctor and mushishan Kuya.”
“I’m starting to feel jealous, Arthur. Puro ka na lang Dr. Callum.” I
faked a pout.
“I told them my Ate Drey takes care of the books in the book house. Some
of my classmates like books.” He wrinkled his nose.
“Si Dr. Callum langyata ang love mo eh.” Kunwaring nagtatampong sabi ko.
“No. I love you and Dr.Callum.” Sabi niya.
“Sige nga, kung love mo si Ate Drey gie her your biggest and sloppiest
kiss.” Callum lifted him up in his arms and he leaned over to me.
Arthur wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss with aloud smacking
sound. “Mwah!”
“Sa lips din.” I said, puckering my lips.
He gave me a peck on the lips.
“I love you.” I told him. Every timeI say I love you to him, I mean it to
bits. Those words weren’t just words for me. Arthur gave me the purest
version of me by forgiving me and loving me despite all the things I did
to him.
“I love you too Ate Drey.” He said.
“What about me? Don’t I get a kiss too? I’m startingto feel jealous too.”
Callum joked.
I wrapped my arms around Callum’s waist and Arthur wrapped his around his
neck. Sabay kaming humalik sa magkabilang pisngi niya. At that time, I
really felt like we were a family. I could feel myself growingmore
andmore attached tohim. Baka pagbalik ni Mama andDad mahirapan na akong
ibalik sa kanila si Arthur. Iniisip ko pa lang na iiwan ko din siya
parang pinipiga ang dibdib ko.
We were greeted by his teacher when we entered his classroom. Today was
family day in Arthur’s school. Kagabi pa lang excited na excited na si
Arthur at siya pa nga ang gumising sa amin ni Callum kanina. I was as
excited because I’d get to be with him on his first family day.
“Sabi ni teacher, marami daw games at toys.” Arthur said and then turned
his head to his teacher. “Di ba, teacher?”
“Of course. Kaya kailangan galingan niyo para manalo ka ng prizes.” His
teacher smiled.
“I don’t really like frieses, teacher. I just want the toys.” He said.
Natawa kami sa sagot ni Arthur.
“No, not fries. Prize. Yung prize, yun yung makukuha mo kapagnanalo ka sa
isang game.” Callum explained.
“Oh okay! I want frieses teacher!” He grinned.
“Oh you!” Ilaughed again and pushed some strands of his hair back. “Just
do your best, okay? But always remember that even if you lose, you’re
still the best for me.”
We were gathered at the school’s vast yard where the games and
celebrations would be held. The two actively participated in the games.
Tuwang-tuwa si Arthur ng manalo si Callum sa balloon dart, they got a
lego set asa prize. After the game, they came up to me and I handed them
each a bottle of water.
“Pawis na pawis ka.” Sabi ko habang pinupunasan ng towel si Arthur.
“Magpahinga muna kayo dito. Take it easy Huwagmuna kayo sumali sa susunod
na game.”
“But I want more prizes.” Arthur said.
“We’re going to take all the prizes, yeah?” Callum held out his hand for
a high five, his chest heavily heaving up and down from running as he
drank water.
“Yeah!” Arthur high-fived him.
“You need to eat first para may energy kayo ni Dr. Callum. Hindi kayo
mananalo kapag gutom kayo. Biniliko kayo ng burger at hotdog.” Sabi ko.
I handed them the food I bought from the kiosk not far from here. Natuon
ang atensyon ng dalawa sa pagkain. They gobbled it up like a monster.
“Hi!” A lady sat on the bleacher net to us and waved at us. “Ako nga pala
si Rowena. I’m Jake’s Mom. Naaalala ko kasi itong batang ito. I always
see him in the classroom,. Wala naman akong kilala dito at wala akong
kausap kaya I hope you don’t mind if I sit next to you.”
“No, not at all. Nice to meet you Rowena. I’m Audrey and this is Arthur
and my husband Callum.” Sabiko habang abala sa paghuhubad ng top ni
Arthur. His shirt was already wet with sweat. Buti na lang nagdala ako ng
ilang extrang damit para sa dalawa. Now, I understand why Mama had to
bring a whole bag full of clothes every family day. I had a Dad and a two
brothers and guys sweat a lot, especially when they’re active.
“Hello, Jake’s Mom.” Arthur waved at her while he chewed on his burger.
Sinuotan ko siya ng bagong t-shirt pagkatapos ko siyang lagyan ng powder.
“Hi cutie. Bakit hindi ka sumali sa game? Nandun si Jake o, kasama Daddy
niya.” She pointed at her son.
“Sa next game magjojoin kami ni Dr. Callum. Di ba, Doctor?” He turned his
head to Callum who was busy with his hotdog sandwich.
“Oo naman. We’re going to win.” He confidently said.
“Ang cute naman ng mag-ama mo. Hawig mo pero mas kamukha ng Daddy.”
Rowena chuckled.
My gaze lifted at Callum and Arthur. Nagtama ang tingin namin ni Callium.
Maybe it was because of their dark hair I didn’t say anything as I didn’t
want to correct Rowena. Itjust felt so good that someone would mistake us
as a family and Callum as Arthur’s Dad.
“Hey Arthur, let’s go I thinkthe leg race is about to start.” Callum
swiftly picked Arthur up in his arms.
“Teka, hindi pa kayo tapos sa food niyo. Magpahinga muna-“ I sighed and
shook my head. Wala na akong nagawa kunghindi panoorin ang dalawa pabalik
sa field.
“Boys.” Rowena rolled her eyes and laughed. “Ganyan din ako. I can’t keep
up with my son and my husband. Minsan magtataka ka kung saan sila
kumukuha ng energy.”
“So true.” I agreed. “Ilang taon na ang baby mo?”
“He’s turning four soon.” Rowena answered. “Eh yung sayo?”
“Magfofour na din.”
We chatted as I watched Callum and Arthur participate in another game.
Isang beses pa sila nanalo sa game. Pagkatapos ng games ay nagkaroon ng
talent show at hindi din nahiya ang dalawang musician ko na sumali.
Callum played the guitar while Arthursanga The Beatles song. I felt so
proud watching my two boys as they performed in front of the huge
audience. Iwas the proudest mother and I was sure I had the loudest clap
in the crowd. When the song ended. They did not win, they got the second
place. Pero tuwang-tuwa pa rin ang dalawa at nakapag perform sila sa
harap ng maraming tao. I kept telling them how proud I was.
“This is the happiest day of my life. I got to sing in front of a lot of
people and everyone clapped for us.” He just couldn’t stop talking about
the talent show. It was the highlight of the day. Kahit ngayon nakahiga
na siya sa kama.
“You were so good. I am so proud of you.” I kissed him on the cheek.
“Someday, you’ll get to perform in front of bigger crowd. A crowd as far
as the eyes could see.” Callum slid inside the blanket and lay next to
him.
“Yeah. And I want you and Ate Drey to be there so you can watch me.”
“We’ll be there. We’ll always be here for you, Arthur. Nandito lang ako
para umalalay sayo.” I stroked his hair.
“Pag bumalik na sina mama at Daddy, aalis nakayo.” His lips pouted.
“You’ll go back to America tapos hindiko na kayo mahuhug at makikiss.”
“We’ll try to visit every once in a while.” I could hear the shakiness in
Callum’s voice.
“How many more mornings do we have?” He yawned, his lids getting heavier.
“Nine…” I quietly answered, my throat constricting. I could feel the time
I had with him slipping off my fingers. They were like water in cupped
hands, I couldn’t hold on to it no matter how hard I tried.
“Why you and Dr. Callum just stay?” He asked in a sleepy murmur. I didn’t
have to answer his question because he’d already fallen asleep before I
could even open my mouth. I lowered my head down to give him a kiss on
the cheek and I stayed there to inhale his scent.
I wished there was some way I could preserve his scent. Para kahit malayo
na ako sa kanya, maaamoy ko pa rin ito. He smelled of everything
beautiful and innocent. I wanted to etch in my memory the feel of his
soft, warm skin against mine so I could just have to close my eyes and go
back to this moment whenever I miss him. I had to let go of him to live a
normal, happy life.
Callum gave me a kiss on the forehead and he did the same to Arthur.
“What do you mean you’re here in the Philippines?” I woke up to the sound
of Callum’s voice. I slowly lifted my head up and looked at his space
next to Arthur. It was empty. I turned my head and saw the open sliding
door to the balcony.”
Dahan-dahan akong bumaba sa kama at lumapit doon. I wanted to check if he
was alright. I saw him holding a phone to his ears as he paced back and
forth, agitated.
“Damn you! Bakit kailangan mo akong sundan dito? Why can’t you just wait
for me to get back?” He could barely control the anger in his voice. “You
fucking bastard, don’t you dare Raven! Don’t you fucking dare! Just stay
away from me. Hindi ka pwedeng lumapit sa akin. I will kill you if you go
anywhere near my family! Huwag mo akong subukan. Kalilimutan ko na anak
ka ng kapatid ko.”
“Callum…” I walked into the balcony.
He almost dropped his phone when he sawme. He pressed the end button and
put his phone down.
“Audrey.” He blinked. “How long have you been there?”
“Sino yung kausap mo?”
“Si Raven, my sister’s son.” He massaged his nape and shook his head.
“I’m close to giving up on him. He’s a hopeless case.”
“Nandito siya sa Pilipinas?” I asked, folding my arms over to my chest.
“Yeah.” He coldly shrugged his shoulders.
“He’s your family. Why do you want him to stay away from you? Bakit
parang galit ka sa kanya? May problema ba kayo?” I asked.
His eyes shot up ,his iris turned the blackest I’d ever seen. “You don’t
know Raven. He wreaks havoc wherever he goes Ayaw ko lang madamay kayo sa
kung anumang katarantaduhan ang gawin niya.”
I slowly nodded my head and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He
embraced his arms around me and gaze down at me.
“I love you Audrey.”
“I love you too.” I tiptoed giving him a kiss on the lips. “Let’s go back
to sleep. Baka magising pa si Arthur.”
Chapter Thirty
“Cal, saan ka galing?” I asked as he pulled up in front of the main door.
He got out of my parents’ minivan, the car he uses to drive around.
Arthur and I had been looking all over for him. We woke up with him gone
and the help told us he left early. I tried calling him only to find out
that he left his phone in our room. Habang nasa playroom kami ni Arthur,
nakita ko mula sa bintana ang kotse na pumasok sa gate bumaba ako at
sinalubong siya.
Callum grinned going around the trunk of the car and open it. He took out
a small blue bicycle. “I bougth a bike for the little one. Do you think
he’ll like this?.”
“Oh, I’m sure he’ll love it. Lahat naman ng ibigay mo, gusto niya.” I
smiled and walked towards him. He wrapped an arm around my waist. “ Bakit
naman naisip mong bilhan siya ng bike? Baka naman pangarapin niya naman
maging next Lance Aarmstrong.”
He chuckled and buried his nose into my hair. “I saw him trying to ride
his cousin’s bike. Masyadong malaki yung bike ni Cookie kaya hindi niya
maabot.”
“Kanina ka pa niya hinahanap. Umiyak nga kanina noong di ka niya makita.
He thought you went back to California. I had to explain to him that you
probably just went out to buy something.” Natatawang sabi ko.
“Oh poor little guy.” He shook his head. “Hindi ko na kayo ginising
kanina kasi ang himbing ng tulog niyo. Besides, I want to suprise him.
Where’s he anyway?”
“He’s inside. Kanina pa kami naglalaro sa playroom. I left him in there
when I saw the car. Busy kasi sa panonood ng leapfrog. I’m going to go
get him, ilagay mo na sa backyard yung bike.” Sabi ko.
“Yes, ma’am.” He cupped my face and kised me firm on the lips.
I went up to go get Arthur who was still watching tv.
“Nandyan na si Dr. Callum.” I sat down next to him and kiss the top of
his head. “He has a surprise for you.”
“What is it?” He suddenly sounded excited.
“It’s a surprise kaya we need to go downstairs. Hinihintay ka na ni Dr.
Callum at ang surprise niya sa’yo.” I nuzzled my nose against his soft
and rounded cheek.
“Okay, lets go downstairs, Ate Drey!” He excitedly squeled.
Bumaba kaming dalawa and just before we go to the garden, I covered his
eyes with my palms.
“What do you think Dr. Callum’s surprise is for you.” I asked as I
carefully walked him to the backyard.
“A spaceship!” He said.
“Close enough.” Callum chuckled.
Tinanggal ko na ang kamay ko na naapatong sa mga mata niya. In front of
him was the blue bike Callum had bougt for him.
“It’s an Arthur ship!” I giggled.
“Wooow! This is so cool!” His eyes widened as he looked at his bike. He
went around it and checked out every sides of it. “Is this mine?”
“It isn’t called Arthur ship for nothing.” One corner of Callum’s lip
tugged upward.
“I’ve always wanted a bike!” He excitedly climbed up the bike.
“We know. That’s why Ate Drey and I bought you one. Nagustuhan mo ba ang
surprise namin?” Callum asked.
“Yes!” He frantically nodded his head.
“ Marunong ka na ba magbike?” I asked.
“Yeah! I biked Cookie’s bike before and Kuya Coco helped me.” He said as
he started pedaling.
“Ang galing naman ng baby namin.” Callum cheered as he began to move.
“Careful, okay?” I reminded him and turned my head to my husband. “Didn’t
you get a helmet and elbow and knee pads for him? Baka mamaya mahulog
siya sa bike niya.”
“I did but he doesn’t need it. Nandito lang namn siya sa backyard at may
training wheel naman ang bike.” Sabi ni Callum
“Cal, he’s still going to get hurt.” I worriedly said.
“Fine. I’ll put those on him.” He said and chased after him. “Arthur,
come over hare we forget to put your helmet and your pads.”
Arthur stopped and he started putting helmet oh him. I help and atarted
putting on his elbow pads wile Callum knelt in frot of him to put on his
knee pads.
“I don’t like this. I can’t move a lot and I feel like I robot.” He
complained.
“But you need it. Do you want to get hurt?”
“No.” He shook his head.
“Pagbigyan mo na si Ate Drey. She’s just being overprotective.” He
chuckled.
“You’re the most handsome robot I’ve ever seen.” I cupped his face and
kissed him on the forehead. “Sige na. You can go ride your bike again.
Just be careful.”
“Okay!” He answered before hopping back on to his bike.
Callum and I just stood there and watched Arthur as he wheeled his
bicycle around the backyard.
“Now, Imagine having at least three more of those.” A smile broke across
Callum’s lip as his eyes followed Arthur.
“Three more?” I cocked my brow, my arms folded across my chest.
“The Beatles had four band members. Gusto ni Arthur bumuo ng sarili
niyang banda. We’d have to give him three more sidlings so he could for
his band with them.” Callum chuckled.
“You are so supportive of him.”
“What can I say? I’m a stage Dad.” He shrugged, smiling proudly.
I couldn’t help but let out a small snicker. He pulled me to him and I
wrapped my arms around his waist while we watch the little one. This was
one of those moments when I wanted to stop time. Relish the sight, sound
and feelings I could wrap around my senses because everything ws just
wonderful.
“Did you wash behind you ears o baka naman puro play lang ulit kayo ni
Dr. Callum? I asked as I walked into the bathroom. Callum bathed Arthur
while I was busy with cooking their breakfast. The two hadn’t gotten out
of the bathroom for almost an hour now so I decided to check on them.
Arthur was still playing with his toys in the tub when I got there.
“I washed him behind his ears.” Agad naman na sagot ni Callum habang
nakaupo sa gilid ng tub.
Kinuha ko ang blue towel ni Arthur at lumapit sa tub. “Let’s get you out
of there. Your finger and toes must be so wrinkly now.”
“Aww…” He whined.
“Listen to Ate Drey. Come on, big boy. Mamaya maglalaro ulit tayo.”
Callum gently pulled Arthur up from the tub and covered his body with a
blue towel.
“Halika na, bibihisan na kita.” I took his hand and brougth him into our
bedroom. Nakaready na ang susuotin ni Arthur sa kama. A khaki pants and
blue shirt. I put powder and cologne on him and then I helped him put on
his clothes.
“Ang handsome at ang bango naman ng baby namin.” I smiled as i neatly
comb his hiar.
He cutely smiled back at me. I couldn’t help pulling him into a hug and
started showering him with kisses. He squirmed on the bed as i playfully
kissed him all over his face.
“Ate Drey, that tickles.” He giggled.
“I can’t help it you smell so good.” I sniffed his neck and lifred my
head up to look at him. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Ate Drey.” He wrapped his little arms around my neck.
I gave him a peck on the lips. “Always remember that, okay? Ate Drey
loves you so much.”
He nodded his head. Callum suddenly dove into the bed next to us. He
wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m getting jealous. Where’s my hugs, kisses, and I love yous?” Callum
jokingly said.
Ikinawit ni Arthur ang isang biig niya sa leeg ni Callum habang ang isa
naman ay nakakawit sa akin. He left a sweet kiss on our cheeks and pull
us into a hug.
“I love you Dr. Callum.” He said and then turned hid head to me. “ And I
love you Ate Drey. I wish you cn just stay here forever and not go back
to America.”
I wished the same too. He wouldn’t understand it when I tell him that
what I was about to do was for his own good. He was better off with Mama
and Dad. Mahal na mahal nila ang anak ko. They were his family now. Ayaw
ko nang guluhin iyon.
We went downstairs to have our breakfast together and then we decided to
go to the mall. Gusto namin ipasyal si Arthur at bilhan na din siya ng
mga toys. We only had a few more days together before Mama and Dad comes
back.
“I can have all the toys I want?” Arthur’s eyes shone with excitement.
“All the toys you want.” Callum answered.
“Is it okay if i get a lot of toys?” He asked.
“It’s okay. You can take whatever you want. I said. It wouldn’t be bad to
spoil hi every once in a while. Kulang pa ito sa mga taong hinid ko man
lang siya nabigyan ng regalo sa birthday niya at tuwing Christmas.
“Ate Ronnie, it is my birthday today?”
He turned his head over to Ronnie who ws walking bside me. She decided to
come with us had nothing to do in the house. It was weekend today and the
two doesn’t have school. Mahipit na pinagbilin ni Dad na hinid pwedeng
lumabas si Ronnie ng walang kasama.
“No. it’s not. Malayo pa ang birthday mo.” She answered, chuckling.
“I thought it’s my birthday because when I turned three, Mama and Daddy
let me get all the toys I want that can fir in the basket. I got the
soldier toys, a bunch of dinosaurs, and a nerf gun and Daddy even let me
get a huge train track even when it can’t fir in the basket anymore.”
Kwento niya.
“Wow! Marami ka na palang toys.” Sabi ni Callum.
“Well, I had to give some of my old toys to the orphanage to mke room for
the new ones. Sabi ni Mama, sharing is carinf.” He said. It had always
been like that since I was a kid. We had our own toy chest and we were
only allowed to keep the toys that could fir inside it. The rest goes to
the orphanage.
“That’s right.” He ruffled his hair.
We entered the toystore and Arthur just went crazy. He ran and went
through every aisle, grabbing all the toys he wanted. We just watched and
followed himm and around. He filled a whole cart full of toys and when he
got tired we went to the cashier to pay for them.
“I forgot to get the ninja turtles”. Sabi ni Arthur habang nasa cshier na
kami. “Can I get the ninja turtles?”
“Sure.” Sagot ko naman. “Do you know where it is?”
“I know where it is.” Sabat ni Ronnie. “I’m going to go get it.”
“Sama ako, Ate Ronnie. I want to pick!” He excitedly said.
Ronnie held his hand and Callum and I both watched as the aisles of toys.
“Our little musician is having so much fun.” Callum smiled and sighed.
His smiled slowly disappeared. “I think I’m going to have a hard time
leaving him.”
“Me too…” I swallowed. “Hindi ko na siya pwedeng angkinin, Callum. As
much as I want to be with him, si Mama at Dad ang kinilalang niyang
magulang. He has a great life with Mama and Dad. They love him with
everything they have.
“I know…” He silenty said.
“This isn’t how I want it to be but this is what he needs. I can’t reject
him and then show up and claim that I’m his mother. Magiging selfish ako
at hindi lang si Mama at dad ang masasaktan ko, pati siya.” I said.
“I understand. Its just that I’ve already grown attached to him. The idea
of him and the reality… it’s just hard…” He exhaled heavily.
I saw Ronnie walking towards us without Arthur. The moment I saw her, I
instantly felt uneasy. Like something wasn’t right.
“Ate, nasaan si Arthur?” She asked.
“What do you mean? Kayo ang magkasama…” Panic rose from my chest.
“He was running around and then he saw a man in a Spiderman costume.
Tapos… tapos hinabol niya… I- I tried chasing after him but I lost sight
of him…” Ronnie’s face slowly paled as she tripped over her words.
“Kanina ko pa siya hinahanap. Hindi ko siya makita.”
Callum breathed out a soft cuss.
“Baka naman nandito lang siya. Let’s go find him.” I could feel mu heart
dropping to the pit of my stomah but I didm’t want to panic. Maybe he
just got lost. Maybe Ronnie just didn’t look hard enough.
“Call the securities, Ronnie. Hell, call the police.” Callum instructed,
urgency in his voice. “Kami na ang bahala ng Ate mong maghanap Kay
Arthur.”
Ronnie noddd her head, eyes already moist with tears. Tumakbo siya
papunta sa securities at sinimulan namin hanapin si Arthur. Callum went
to find Arthur in the toystore while I spoke with the staff and asked for
their help. They sent out all their sraff to find Arthur and Ronnie came
back with five securities. Hinanap namin si Arthur at hals mabaliktad na
namin ang toystore sa paghahalughog pero hindi namin nakita kahit anino
niya. They decided to have the mall closed down so nobody could go in or
out as they tried to find him. Announcements were being made in th
speakers. Nagkalat ang mga securities at police sa buong mall para
hanapin si Arthur pero hinid siya nakita.
“Hey, it’s okay. We’ll find him…” Bulong ni Callum sa akin habang
hinihimas ang likod ko.
“What if he kidnapped? Ayaw konf mag-isip nang kahit anong masama pero
bakit hindi pa rin siya makita?” I sobbed, burying my face into his
chest.
“We’ll find him. Hinding-hindi ko hahayaan na may mangyaring masama Kay
Arthur. I’d kill anyone who tries to hurt you or Arthur. Anyone.” I could
feel the bite in his tone.
“Ma’am wala po kami staff na naka-costume na Spiderman.” Sabi ng manager
ng toystore habang kinakausap kami ng police na dumating. She overheard
what Ronnie told the police.
“Then why the hell did you let someone come in here in a costume? Alam
niyo naman puro bata ang nandito.”
Callum’s voice shook with anger.
“Sir, wala din po kasi kaming alam.” Sagot ng manager.
“Wala ba kayong CCTV footage?” Callum massage his temples.
“Meron po, Sir!” She immediately answered.
We were taken to the control room where we watches the footage. Nakita
namin ang lalaking naka -Spiderman na costume. He ws covered from head to
toe. He gestured for Arthur to come over to him when Ronnie wasn’t
looking. Sumunod naman si Arthur. The guy in the costume made Athur chase
after him and then he grabbed Arthur and left with him through the other
exit. We followed them througt a different camera angle as they went
through the parking ot. Sinakay niya si Arthur sa isang motorbike, the
plate number covered up. And then thay went off.
I lost every ounce of strength I had in my body when I saw the vedios.
Para akong pinagbagasakluban ng langit at lupa. He was clearly
kidnappred. My so was kidnapped. I bursted into tears and Callum caught
me in his arms. He must be so scared right now. He must be crying for
Mama and Dad.
Flashbacks of me being kidnapped starting flooding my mind. It was so
scary being kept in the dark and tied down. I had never felt more scared
than I did at that moment. I’d never felt more alone and helpless. It was
as though the world had turned its back on me. Sa mga panahon noon, I had
a hard time believing that there was benevolent being up there. If there
was, why would He allow something like this to happen to me?
Ayaw kong kahit kailan maramaman ni Arthur iyon. Ayaw kong maranasan ang
kahit karampot ng takot, hirap, at sakit na naramdaman ko.
“Bakit si Arthur?” Tears gushed out of my eyes. “Bakit pati ang anak ko?
Why? Sana ako na lang I’d go through all those pain again, wag lang si
Arthur. Ako na lang!”
“Shh… It’s going to be alright. I promise. We’ll find him and everything
will be okay again.” He said.
“Sorry. Ate…” Ronnie sobbed, her words almost incoherent. She hugged me
from my back and began crying too. “I’m so sorry. Dapat binantayan ko
maigi si Arthur.”
“If I have to descend to hell to find our son, I will. Mamamatay muna ako
bago may makapanakit kay Arthur.” He said with a silent roar in his
voice.
“Ano’ng nangyari kay Arthur?” Kuya Miggy ruched over to us.
“Kuya, someone took Arthur…” Naiyak na sabi ko.
“Son of a-” His jaw clenched, his eyes had a mixture of anger and fear in
them. “Nasabi niyo na kay Coco, Kay Mama at Dad?”
“Natawagan ko na si Kuya Coco about ten minutes ago.” Humihikbing sabi
niya. “ Ate Anias contacted her Dad to ask for help. May connection si
Tito Axel sa PNP. Nagbook na sila ng flight pabalik dito sa Piipinas.
Baka bukas nandito na daw sila.”
“What anout Mama and Dad? Alam na ba nila ‘to?” Kuya raked his fingers
through his hair.
I slowly shook my head.
“We’re too scared to tell them.” Sagot ni Ronnie.
“Kuya, Ikaw ang kumausap kay Mama at Dad. I don’t know how to tell them…”
Pakiusap ko sa kanya. Tears still dripping from my eyes.
Kuya Miggy took out his phone from his inner coat pocket and dialed a
number. Callum stared blankly into space with jaw clenched tight. Ronnie
couldn’t stop crying and I wanted to go crazy. If anything bad happened
to my son, hinding-hindi ko mapapatawad. Ang sarili ko. We’d only been
together for a few days. Ako ang pinagkatiwalaan ni Mama at Dad na
magbantay at magaalaga sa kanya, Hindi na nga ako naging mabuting ina asa
kanya at ngayon ay hinayaan ko pang may masamang manyari sa kanya.
Chapter Thirty One
“Ano na ang balita kay Arthur?” Coco asked the moment he stepped inside
the house.
My tired eyes watered again when I heard my twin brother say his name. I
hadn’t slept a blink or eaten at all since yesterday. It was five in the
morning when Coco and his family arrived from the airport and headed
straight here. I greeted him a hug and he hugged back even tighter.
“Hindi pa rin nila nakikita si Arthur…” I sobbed into his shoulder.
“It’s going to be okay.” He gently said. “Makikita din natin si Arthur.
Hindi tayo titigil hangga’t hindi natin sya nakikita.”
“Tita Drey, I hope we find him soon because I miss him so much. We even
bought toys for him.” Cookie’s lips tugged downwards, his eyes getting
misty.
Anais stood behind her son with a sad expression on his face. Hardly
anyone in the house had a good night sleep. There were police everywhere.
Our phones had been tapped incase the kipnappers called. Kuya Miggy and
Callum had been up all night getting updates from the police. Ni hindi ko
nga nakita ang dalwa na umupo man lang para pumikit. Ronnie wouldn’t stop
crying and blaming herself even thought I kept telling her that it wasn’t
her fault. Tito Axel sent the best search team to look for Arthur.
Pumunta din sila Uncle Tristan at aunt Andi and all Dad’s friends were
heare with us until midnight. Help poured in like rain.
Kuya Miggy said Mama and Dad were on their way home.Hindi ko pa sila
nakakausap. I couldn’t. Ano’ng sasabihin ko sa kanila at paano ako
haharap sa kanila? Pakiramdam ko napabayaan ko sya. He’d been with Mama
and Dad his whole life at ilang araw lang nilang silang nawala at
pinagkatiwala sa akin si Arthur ganito na ang nangyari. He was better off
with them. I felt like I was a useless mother.
“When will this end? It feels like it’s happening all over again.” Coco
raked his finger through his hair.
“Sana wala silang gawin masama kay Arthur. Sana ako na lang kinuha nila.
Bakit siya pa? Arthur’s too young. Siguro takot na takot siya ngayon.”
Maluha-luha ng sabi ko.
Callum pulled me to his side and tried to comfort me. “We’ll find him.”
“I hope they’re just after the money. Kahit mahknaong halaga ang hilingin
nila ibibigay ko, masiguro lang ligtas na makauwi si Arthur dito.” Kuya
Miggy said as he paced back and forth. He closed and opened his palms as
if to relieve his stress. Anxiety was evident.
Could it be na may kinalaman yung mga kumuha kay Drey dati sa kumidnap
kay Arthur? Coco said.
“Oh, I hope not…” Anais said, putting her hand over her chest.
“What do they want from Audrey? From us? I don’t understand why they’re
doing this!” I could hear the frustration and anger in Coco’s voice.
“When Audrey was kidnapped, we didn’t receive any calls. Walang humingi
ng ransom o kahit ano. Is it their life long mission to make us
miserable?”
Mama and Dad suddenly entered the living room. Mama’s eyes were red and
puffy from crying and Dad had dark circles under his eyes, a sign that he
hadn’t slept very well.
“Kumusta na? Wala pa din bang lead ang mga pulis?” Dad said, looking and
sounding stressed out.
“No calls, no anything?” He asked.
Kuya Miggy quiety shook his head.
“Mama, Dad, I’m sorry.” I got on my feet and Mama embraced me. “Hindi
mangyayari ito kung hindi ko pinabayaan si Arthur. It’s my fault. I
should’ve taken better care of him. Ngayon ko na nga lang siya nakasama,
mawawal pa siya.”
“No, Don’t blame yourself. Walang may gusto sa nangyari.” Mama said, her
voice raw from crying. “Walang mangyayari kung magsisisihan tayo. It was
nobody’s fault. Ang mahalaga maibalik si Arthur ng ligtas.”
“Paano pag may nangyari kay Arthur?” I could feel the physical pain
clenching in my chest at the thought of it.
“No, no…” Mama shook her head vigorously. “May awa ang Diyos. Mabait na
bata si Arthur. I know He won’t let anything happen to him.”
“Mama, I can’t lose him again. Ayaw ko nang mawala sa akin si Arthur.”
Halos hindi na ako makapagsalita sa paghikbi.
“We’re not going to lose Arthur. We’re not going to lose anyone in the
family…” Mama assured as she hugged me tighter.
“Pakiramdam ko pinaglalaruan na tayo.” Dad’s jaw and fingers clenched,
his eyes reddening with angry tears. “Kung sinuman ang mga tarandong
iyon, they will pay hell for what they did to my Audrey and my Arthur. I
will slowly kill them with my bare hands. Hangga’t nabubuhay ako, hindi
ako titigil sa paghahanap sa kanila at pagbabayarin ko sila sa ginawa
nila sa inyo.”

I hugged Arthur’s Curious George stuffed animal. Ito ang unang regaling
ibinigay ko sa kanya. Palagi niyang hawak ito kapag natutulog siya. I
buried my face into the stuffed animal and inhaled. It still had his
scent on it. It felt like he was just here with me.
Nakakain na kaya siya? Nakatulog ba siya ng maayos kagabi? Were they
treating him right? Did they give them a comfortable bed to sleep in?
Arthur’s a bit of a picky eater. I hope they fed him the food he likes. I
hope they read him his bedtime stories, he couldn’t sleep without being
read to. Sana nagbukas sila ng nightlight bago matulog kasi hindi
nakakatulog si Arthur kapag madilim na madilim. Sana hindi nila
sinasaktan si Arthur. I hope they realized how precious and innocent and
fragile he was.
“Love…” Callum smoothly sat to me kissed the back of my head. “You still
haven’t eaten anything.”
“I don’t want to eat. Gusto kong Makita ang anak ko.”
“There’s nothing more I want than to have Arthur back again. We’re going
to get him back, I promise. Lahat gagawin ko maib alik lang si Arthur ng
ligtas.” He lifted my chin up and looked at me.
“Paano kung sinasaktan nila si Arthur?” A sob rose from my throat, my
hands clutching tighter onto his stuffed toy.
“They won’t dare. If they hurt even the tip of our son’s finger, I will
hunt and kill them wherever they are.” He said through gritted teeth.
“Gusto kong magwala. Gusto kong sumigaw. Guso kong umiyak ng umiyak. Ang
sakit, Cal. Mas masakit pa ito sa kahayupang ginawa nila sa akin. Ano
bang kasalanan ko sa kanila? Bakit pati ang anak ko dinamay nila? Ang
dami pa naming hindi nagagawa. Nagpromise ako sa kanya na dadalhin naming
ang bike niya sa park. Sabi niya tatawagan niya ako araw-araw pag nasa
California na tayo. Sabi niya palagi niya akong kukuwentuhan. He said
he’s going to have his own band and he’ll be the greatest musician.” I
said, bursting into tears.
Policemen and investigators went in and out of our house. I could feel
the anxiety in the whole house. The busyness of it. I felt I was in a
snowglobe that some had shook hard. I just stood in the middle while all
kinds of chaos were going on around me. I just wanted everything to end.
“Huwag mo akong gaguhin! Tell me where Arthur is!” Callum’s voice boomed
throughout the room.
Napabalikwas ako. I hadn’t even realized that I already fell asleep on
the couch until I woke up to Callum’s voice. Callum paced back and forth
as he held on the wireless telephone to his ear
“I don’t know what game you’re playing but we’ve all had enough of it.
Huwag mong idamay ang bata sa katarandaduhan mo. Don’t you dare do
anything that would hurt Arthur. Hahanapin kita kahit nasaan ka pa and I
will you fuck you up.”
“Cal…” I sat up. I was sure they were talking about Arthur.
Callum, averted his eyes to me and massaged his temples. “Yes… yes…
Siguraduhin mo lang na ligtas mong ibabalik sa amin si Arhutr. Kahit
anong gusto mo ibibigay naming sayo. Kahit magkano pa. Nakikiusap ako
sayo, don’t harm the child.”
Nabuhayan ako ng loob sa narinig ko. The kipnappers had already called.
“Hello? Hello?!” His face crumpled and then his body collapsed next o me.
“Cal, ano’ng sabi nila? Ano daw gusto nila? Magkano ang hinihingi nila?”
Tanong ko.
“Sinabi lang nila na nasa kanila si Arthur and then they hang up.” Callum
looked like he’d aged ten years. He, himself hadn’t had any sleep since
last night.
“We need to tell Dad and the police. They’ll be able to trace the call.”
Sabi ko. I got up from the couch and went to Dad who was busy talking to
the investigators in his library.
I told him that Callum had picked up a call from the kidnappers and they
told him that they had Arthur. The investigators and policemen
immediately worked to trace the calls we’d received from the kipnappers.
We later learned that the call was from a payphone near our village. Agad
kumilos ang mga tauhan ni Dad para puntahan ang lugar kung saan
nanggaling ang tawag. After a few hours, we received an update from the
police. May dinala dawn a bata sa kanila na nagfit sa description ni
Arthur at kamukha ng nasa picture niya.
Gusto kong maglulundag sa tuwa ng marinig ko iyon. We quickly rushed to
the police station where the child was.
Callum and I held hands as we walked from the car to the police station.
I hadn’t been this nervous for a long time. Sana si Arthur talaga ang
batang sinasabi nila at sana maayos siya.
“Do you think it’s really him?” I asked in a shaky voice.
“I hope so…” He quietly said as he squeezed my hand in his.

We entered the police station and I immediately saw Arthur. He sat on a

chair that was too big for him, swing his legs back and forth. Agad
kaming tumakbo ni Callum palapit sa kanya. We hugged him in a tight
embrace.
“Saan ka ba nanggaling ha?” I pulled away from the hug and brushed his
dark hair back. I couldn’t help the happy tears from flowing down my
cheeks.
“We’ve been looking all over for you. You scared us!” Callum caught his
tiny face. Pinugpog niya ng halik si Arthur Sa mukha. “Huwag mo nang
gagawin iyon ulit. Huwag kang sasama sa strangers, okay?”
“May ginawa ba sila sa’to? Sinaktan ka ba nila?” I worriedly asked,
lifting his arms and legs up. Checking for any signs of scratch or
bruises.
“No, Mr. Spiderman was really nice to me.” He smiled his usual cheeky
smile. “We ate ice cream and cake for dinner but I did cry at night
because I miss you and Dr. Callum and Mama and Papa and Ate Ronnie. But
he said he’d take me back when tomorrow comes and now was tomorrow.”
“Arthur!” Agad na tumakbo si Mama at Dad papunta sa kinauupuan ni Arthur
pagpasok pa lang nila sa police station.
Dad took him in this in his arms and hugged him.
“Mama! Daddy!” He was so happy when he saw them and he gave them both
hugs and kisses. Kuya Miggy and Coco soon joined him and in no time he
was being showered with so much love and attention.
“Baby!” Umiiyak na niyakap ni Ronnie si Arthur. “I’m sorry, I lost you.
Hinayaan kong kunin ka nung lalaking iyon.”
“Mr. Spiderman’s a really cool guy. He let me watch cartoons all day
while I eat cake and ice cream.” He said.
“Do you know what he looks like?” Tanong ni Dad.
“When he’s nothing wearing mask, he looks like a normal guy. He has eyes,
nose, and lips.” Sabi ni Arthur.
“Did he tell you why he took you?” Kuya Miggy asked.
“Well, he said he was waiting for the result because he wants to know it
I’m a hero or not. He put something in my mouth and then put it in a
small bag and then he gave it to his friend.” Kwento ni Arthur.
“How many were they?” Coco asked.
“There was just Mr. Spireman in the house but his friend visited last
night and then this morning. Tapos binigay niya sa akin itong paper.” He
took something out from his pocket. “Sabi niya ibigay ko daw sa Mommy
ko.”
Mama took the envelope from Arthur and opened it. Her eyes scanned
through the paper and suddenly her face paled.
“What is it, Cassie?” Dad’s brows crumpled with worry.
Mama gazed at me and I knew by the look of her face that it had something
to do with me. With shaky hands, she handed the paper to me.
There were letter and numbers, I didn’t really understand. But then my
eyes went down the bottom of the paper. Parang hinatak ang puso ko ng
Makita ko ang nakasulat sa baba ng papel.
Probability of parternity: 99.9999%
Underneath it was a sentence that horrified me even more. Pakiramdam ko
para akong naupos na kandila.
I am nearer than you think.
Chapter Thirty Two
My legs wanted to give in as I stared at the paper. Tears dropped from my
eyes to the paper I had in my hand. My abuser had my child. Alam niyang
nagbunga ang pangbababoy na ginawa niya sa akin at si Arthur iyon. Mas
natatakot ako ngayon para kay Arthur kaysa sa sarili ko. They had managed
to get their hands on my son and who knows what they could’ve done to me.
“Audrey…” Callum caught me before I fell to the ground. Napayakap ako kay
Callum at umiyak sa dibdib niya. He took the paper from my hand and his
eyes scanned through it. His jaw suddenly clenched and so did his hand,
he crumpled the paper tightly into fist.
“I will fucking kill him.” He said in a silent roar.
Dad snatched the paper from his hand and read it. He had the same
reaction as Mama when he saw what was written in there.
“Ibig sabihin lang nito malapit ko nang maibigay sa’yo ang hustisyang
dapat na matagal mo nang nakuha. I will make them all pay, Drey.
Magbabayad sila sa ginawa nila sa’yo.” I could see the flare, the burning
hatred in Dad’s eyes as he said those words. And I knew he meant every
letters in those words.
Arthur was interviewed by the investigator. Arthur sat on a chair in
between Mama and Dad while the investigator sat across from them. I stood
by the door with Callum behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist.
“Do you remember where Mr. Spiderman took you?” The investigator asked.
“In his house.”
“What does his house look like? Can you describe it for me? Ano yung
nakikita mo sa bahay?”
“It’s small and it doesn’t have doors like in our house. Only the
bathroom and when you enter the house. The bed and the couch and the
kitchen’s in one room.” He answered.
“Eh yung labas ng bahay? Do you remember it?” The investigator asked,
writing down something on the clipboard he was holding.
“It has lots of trees and there are no other house.”
“Alam mo ba kung paano pumunta doon?”
Arthur shook his head. “No. It’s too far away. Like from here to Pluto
far away.”
“You said Mr. Spiderman has a friend? Did you hear what they talked about
while his friend was there?”
“They were talking about the hero test. Sabi ni Mr. Spiderman he needs
the result really, really soon.”
“Why?”
“Because I need to go home.”
I inhaled, trying to lighten the heaviness and anxiety in my chest.
Callum hugged me tighter, resting his chin on my shoulder. He kissed my
neck as if saying he was here to comfort me. I hugged the arm that was
wrapped around me.
“I love you.” He softly whispered.

It was clear that they were toying with us. They were trying to rattle us
and it worked. It would be less scary if they asked for something, like
money. Hindi katulad nito na hindi namin alam kung ano ang gusto nila
mula sa amin. Takot na takot ako para sa anak ko. What if they take him
away again? Nagawa na nila yun at hindi malabong magawa ulit nila.
“You’re hugging me too tight, Ate Drey.” He giggled as he ate his dinner.
Hindi ko mapigilan ang yakapin at halik-halikan siya. I was just so happy
that he was back here with us.
“Kumain ka ng madami, okay?” I brushed my fingers through his hair and
kissed him on the cheek.
We sat on the dining table with our entire family present. Everyone’s
eyes were on us with big smiles on their faces. Callum couldn’t let go of
Arthur too. Ramdam ko din ang pagkamiss niya sa anak ko. He was there to
help him finish his food and wipe the corners of his lips. I’d lost count
of how many times he’d kissed his head.
“Can I have a bowl of ice cream for dessert, Daddy?” He asked after
finishing his dinner.
“You can have all the ice cream you want.” Dad looked at him with love
radiating from his eyes.
“Can I watch cartoons too while I eat ice cream?” He innocently asked.
“Yes, you can.” Mama answered.
“I want to watch cartoons too.” Sabi ni Cookie.
“Cookie, Mymy’s not feeling well. Sa bahay ka na lang manood ng cartoons,
okay?” Sabi ni Coco.
“Awww…” He complained.
After a wonderful dinner with the whole family and everyone was about to
leave, Dad stopped them. He said we needed to discuss something really
important with the whole family. He called us into the living room and
had Arthur sit on his lap.
“Arthur, you know we all love you, don’t you?” Dad asked.
“Mmhm!” He nodded as he licked a spoonful of ice cream.
“Everything we do is for your own good.” Sabi niya.
“Arthur, do you remember what Mama told you before?” Mama brushed her
fingers through his hair. “Hindi ba sabi ko sa’yo noon hindi ka
nanggaling sa tummy ni Mama noong baby ka pa? Not like Kuya Miggy, Kuya
Coco, and Ate Ronnie. You came from a different tummy.”
Nagkatinginan kaming magkakapatid. My throat suddenly went dry. I was
never prepared for this situation but I anticipated this. I was nervous
but at the same time, I was excited. Handa na akong malaman niya na ako
ang ina niya at handa na ako sa kung anuman ang kahihinatnan nito. I was
tired of putting on a pretense anymore. I wanted him to know me not just
as his sister but his mother. When I lost him, I thought I would die. And
I knew I couldn’t lose him again.
“Yeah.” He slowly nodded his head.
“Well, do you want to know whose tummy you came from?”
“Um, Daddy’s tummy?” He innocently said.
Dad laughed and shook his head but I saw tears swell in his eyes. “No,
silly.”
“Your real mommy is Ate Drey, you came from her tummy.” Mama carefully
said as if each word were made of glass.
“Ate Drey?” He turned his head to me.
By that time, my eyes were already flooding with tears. He looked at me
with those innocent eyes that reflected his heart. He understood but the
purity in his eyes stayed intact. There was no hate in those eyes, no
pain, no questions. Just pure amusement.
“Arthur…” I knelt down in front of him. “Ako ang Mommy mo. You came from
me.”
Those words freed me like a shadow that settled on top of me for a very
long time had passed and the light came flooding back in. Like I had the
weight of the world lifted from my shoulder. Like a bird flung up to the
sky. Like a tiger let loose. It was so freeing and healing for me.
“From your tummy?” His eyes went down to my stomach.
Despite the tears, I nodded a yes with a smile on my face.
“If I came from your tummy then Mama isn’t my Mama?” His brows furrowed.
“She still is. She’s our Mama. She’s your grandmother, she and Dad made
me and I grew inside her tummy. At ikaw naman, I made you you because you
came from my tummy.” I tried hard to keep my voice steady.
“Is Daddy still my Daddy?” He turned his head to Dad. “Are you still my
Dad? Did you make me?”
“He’s your grandaddy.” I sniffled.
“Then who’s my Daddy?” He asked, confused.
Everybody exchanged tensed looks. This was the question I feared the most
because I didn’t how I’d answer it. I didn’t want to tell him that he was
the product of a violent abuse that was done to me. I didn’t want him to
know that the other half of him was from a man who had brutally violated
me.
“I’m you Daddy…” Callum broke the awkward pause when he said that. He
cupped my son’s face and kissed him on the forehead. “From now on, I am
your Daddy and I will always be your Daddy.”
“Can I call you Dr. Daddy?” Arthur grinned.
Callum’s eyes were teary as he smiled and nodded his head. “Yes, I am
your Dr. Daddy.”
“And you always tell me that I am your Arthur.” He beamed.
“I am your Dr. Daddy and you are my Arthur.” He chuckled causing the
tears to spill from his eyes.
Callum took him from Dad and carried him into his arms, I wrapped mine
around the two of them and we both showered Arthur with all the love and
kisses we could possibly give him. This was what I didn’t know I longed
for until now. I knew with his tiny little arms wrapped around Callum and
I that he was the most precious thing given to us. He made my womanhood
complete.
I regret the amount of time that I spent without my son. All those
birthday, those christmas, those mother’s days, I could have had all
those before but I could never take time back. I could only anticipate
the future with him and Callum.
“Mommy is sorry…” I sobbed as I hugged. “Sorry wala ako sa tabi mo habang
lumalaki ka. Sorry, Arthur.”
“It’s okay.” He petted my hair.
“From now on, hindi na tayo magkakahiwalay. I will be here for you. I
will make up for all the years I wasn’t by your side.” I looked him in
the eyes.
“You’re not flying in the sky to America anymore?” He asked.
“No… I wil celebrate all your birthdays with you and we’ll spend many
Christmas together. And I will watch you grow into a handsome big man.”
“Just like Dr. Daddy?” He asked, his eyes shining with excitement as he
looked at Callum.
“You will be bigger and more handsome then me.” Callum bent down to rub
his nose against Arthur’s
“Do I call you Mommy Ate Drey?” He asked.
“Just Mommy…” My voice croacked from all the tears.
“Mommy and Dr. Daddy.” He hooked each of his arms around our necks and
pulled us to him.
He wouldn’t stop asking questions and Callum and I both answered it. He
asked if he could still call Mama and Dad, Mama and Dad even though he
had a Mommy and a Dr. Daddy. He asked if he could still love them the
same. If he could still give Dad a gift for Father’s day and Mama for
Mother’s day. He was one bright child. Alam ko na kung bakit napamahal
agad si Callum sa kanya.
“Do I still have the same birthday?” He yawned as we put him to bed
between us.
Isinara ni Callum ang librong binasa niya para akay Arthur at tumawa ng
mahina. “Of course, you still do.”
“I thought now that I have a different Mommy and Daddy, I also have a
different birthday.” He said.
“That’s not how it works and no, you don’t have a different Mommy and
Daddy. Si Mama at Dad, Mama at Dad mo pa rin sila.” I explained as I
stroked his hair.
“Nadagdagan ka lang ng Mommy at Daddy. Now you have your Daddy and Mama
and Mommy and of course, me Dr. Daddy. We all love you so much.” Sabi
naman ni Callum.
“I love you too, Mommy and Dr. Daddy.” He lazily said, his eyes finally
giving in.
I couldn’t stop staring at Arthur as he slept. I was afraid I’d lose him
if I turned away even just for a second. Ang mawala siya sa akin ang
pinakanakakatakot na bagay na naranasan ko sa buhay ko. I didn’t want it
to ever happen again. I realized at that moment that he was the most
important thing in my life and losing him would cause me to lose my
sanity.
“Cal, thank you for claiming him as your own son.” Mahinang sabi ko.
“Hindi ko alam kung paano ipaliliwanag sa kanya ang lahat kung wala ka.”
“I want to adopt him, Audrey. I want him to have my name. Ngayon alam
niya na na ikaw ang tunay niyang ina, gusto kong ako na ang tumayong ama
sa kanya. He doesn’t need to know about the truth of his conception. I
love you and I love Arthur. You and him are my life now.”
“Oh, Cal…”
“You’re my family.” He leaned over to kiss me and we both looked at the
little one sleeping right in between us.
Chapter Thirty Three
“Dr. Daddy, fasteeeeeerrrr!” He laughed as Callum pushed him on the back
of his bicycle. I couldn’t help but let out a giggle as I watched the
two. They looked so happy together. Para talaga silang mag-ama. But then
again, he was the father of my son now. I didn’t want to think of Arthur
as the child of the man who’d abused me. Anak namin siya ni Callum.
“Not too fast, Cal. Baka mahulog si Arthur.” I reminded.
“We’ve too slow down. Mommy’s getting worried.” Callum slow the bicycle
down and tried to catch his breath.
“We’ll be careful.” Sabi ni Arthur.
“Kahit na. Mamaya na nga kayo magbike. Kita mo, hingal na hingal na si
Dr. Daddy mo kakapush sa’yo. Uminom muna kayo ng juice at papalitan ko na
yang damit mo. Pawis na kayong dalawa kalalaro.” I told them.
I was loving being a mother to Arthur. With Mama and Daddy’s help, hindi
nahirapan si Arthur na kilalanin ako bilang ina niya. Mama and Dad
explained to him everything in a way that a child would understand even
before. They never lied to him so it was easier for him to accept that I
was his mother. He still knew that we were one family. That we were all
his family and that we loved him so much.
Arthur pedal his way towards me as Callum walked beside him. He jumped
out of his bike and came running towards me. I caught him in my arm and
kissed him on the lips.
“Amoy pawis na ang baby natin.” I playfully wrinkled my nose.
“Let me get a sniff.” Callum buried his face into his neck and Arthur
giggled. “Hindi naman. Our musician still smells like a baby.”
“Baka si Dr. Daddy yung amoy pawis.” I laughed.
“Ako ba yun? Why don’t you smell me?” He leaned over to us. “Come on,
smell me.”
And we did, we buried our faces in his neck.
I jokingly scrunched my nose. “It is Dr. Daddy!”
Callum pulled me against his body, squeezing our son in between us.
“YUCK! Dr. Daddy, you’re rubbing your sweat all over us!” Natatawang sabi
ko.
“I know! Mommy, can we take a shower here in the backyard?” Sabi ni
Arthur.
“Shower? Here? How?” I asked.
“The sprinklers!” He pointed at the sprinklers on the grass. “Can we turn
it on?”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Sabi naman ni Callum.
“Turn it on, Dr. Daddy, so it will feel like it’s raining.” He demanded.
“Can we, Mommy?” Callum batted his lashes at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Okay pero sandali lang. Maligo kayo na kayo after,
okay?”
“Okay!” They answered, almost in chorus.
They turned on the water sprinkler. Tuwang-tuwa ang dalawa habang
nagtatampisaw sa tubig na nagmumula sa sprinkler. I just smiled and shook
my head as I watched my two boys. I didn’t think I could be any more
happier than this. Arthur brought me back to the purest place in my
heart, where my hopes were. Lahat ng sakit at paghihirap na natamasan ko
noon, nawala iyon dahil sa kanya. What was taken from me was given back
in his form.
“Mommy needs a shower too.” I saw Callum running towards me.
My eyes widened, knowing what he was planning to do. He caught me in his
arms before I could even run away and brought me to the sprinklers. Our
son laughed even harder when the water soaked my dress.
“Cal!” I whined, laughing.
“You need to take a shower too.” Arthur giggled.
“Kayo talaga ng Daddy mo, palagi niyo kong pinagtutulungan.” I pinched
his tiny button nose.
We ended up playing tag, still with the water sprinklers on. Pero hindi
ko din sila pinagtagal. Baka kasi matuyuan si Arthur at magkasakit pa
kaya huminto na kami.
“I hate to ruin your fun but we have to go inside.” Sabi ko.
“But I still want to play.” He complained.
“We’ll inside. You might catch a cold if you don’t take a bath. And look
at you and Dr. Daddy, you’re all muddy and dirty.” I said.
“Come on, Art. We’ll take a bath and then we’ll play the guitar. How does
that sound?” Callum picked him up in his arms.
“Tomorrow we’ll do this again?” He pouted.
“Tomorrow we’ll buy a kite and we’ll fly it, okay?” Cal smiled at him.
“Okay!” His mood lifted.
We finally convinced him to go in and have his bath. Callum and him took
a bath together and I took a bath after them. When I got out of the
shower, the two were already in the living room, playing their guitar.
Tumulong ako sa kusina para mapaghanda ng makakain ang mag-ama ko. Oo,
mag-ama ko sila. I was owning it now just like how Callum owned Arthur
and treated him as his. Para sa akin si Callum ang ama niya at wala nang
iba. He may not be Arthur’s biological father but I could feel the love
he had for Arthur.
I went to the kitchen to make them their lunch. I was busy making
sandwiches for them when Mama walked in.
“Do you want chicken sandwich, Ma?” I asked her.
“No, thank you. I already had my lunch with your Dad outside.” She
smiled.
“Arthur and Callum have been playing all day. Hindi ko alam kung saan
nila akukuha ang energy nila. You won’t believe how much of a handful
they are. Kanina ba naman binuksan ang sprinklers at naligo sa labas.
It’s crazy having two boys.” Natatawang kwento ko.
“Oh, I know believe me. I raised four boys myself.” Mama chuckled.
My gaze lifted to Mama and my eyes softened. “Ma, thank you for taking
care of Arthur. Kayo ni Dad. You raised him to be a good kid. Despite how
I treated him before, he didn’t hate me. Tinanggap pa rin niya ako bilang
Mommy niya. And Mama, I want to thank you and Dad for giving me a chance
to be a mother to him.”
“Your Dad and I are happy for you and Arthur. Noon pa man, hinanda na
namin siya para pag dumating ang araw na magawa mo siyang tanggapin hindi
niya siya maguguluhan. We knew this day would come, Drey. We knew you’d
open yourself up again. You’ve always had a pure heart. Alam kong
nabalutan lang ng takot at galit ang puso mo kaya nahirapan kang
maramdaman ang pagmamahal mo para kay Arthur.” She gently said.
“I know thank you will never be enough for what you and Dad did for me
and Arthur. But thank you, Ma. Thank you.” I threw my arms around her.
“Just love him, Drey. Ikaw na ikaw siya noong bata pa siya. Napaka-sweet
at lambing.” She rubbed my back.
“I will.” I said, as we pulled away from the hug.
Mama cupped my face and kissed me on the forehead. “I’m happy that you
found love and peace through Arthur and Callum. This is what I’ve been
praying for for so long. You deserve this, Drey. You deserve nothing but
love and peace of mind. I want to see you build your own family with
Callum and have more children.”
I nodded my head.
“Nakapag-usap na ba kayo ni Callum tungkol dito? Ano na ang plano niyo
ngayon? Are you going to go back to California? Are you going to take
Arthur with you?” She asked, biting her bottom lip. Mama’s voice
trembled, probably to the thought of losing Arthur.
“Cal wants to adopt Arthur. He wants him to have his name. Iyon pa lang
ang napapag-usapan namin. But Ma, I want to stay here for good. I don’t
want to take Arthur away from you and Dad. I know how much you love him.”
“No, don’t worry about me and your Dad. We’ll be fine. Do what you think
is best for you and your family.”
“Malulungkot din si Arthur kapag nalayo siya sa inyo.”
“Sanayin niyo ang bata na kayo ang palaging makasama. Let him recognize
you as his parents. He’ll eventually get used to you and Callum. Unt-
untiin niyo lang.”
“Maybe we’ll move in to a house near here. Parang sina Coco at Anais.
Para kapag namimiss niya kayo, malapit lang kayo at mapupuntahan niya.” I
said.
Ma stroked my hair, her eyes getting misty with tears. “You don’t know
how happy and proud of you I am. You’re not just surviving anymore,
you’re living again. Your Dad and I promise you’ll get the justice you
deserve. Your Dad and brothers are all working with the police. Lahat
kami walang ginusto kung hindi mamuhay ka ng payapa at walang takot sa
dibdib. I know that day will come soon. I can feel it…”
“Thank you, Mama.” I relaxed my body against her as tears began to seep
from my eyes too.

“I’m going sleep with Mama and Daddy tonight.” Arthur said as I was
putting his pajama on.
“You’re not going to sleep with Dr. Daddy and Mommy tonight?” Cal rested
his head on my shoulder, his arms encircling my waist.
“Just tonight because I miss sleeping with Mama and Daddy.” He said.
“Okay.” Callum arched his brow. “I guess I’ll have Mommy all to myself
tonight. What do you want? A baby sister or a baby brother?”
“CAL!” I shrugged my shoulders.
“I’m just asking.” He chuckled gingerly.
“I want an iguana.” Arthur answered.
“An iguana?” I giggled.
“Yeah, we have an iguana pet in our class and I want my own.” He said.
“Okay, maybe next week we’ll get you a pet iguana. You are a simple
little guy, aren’t you?” Callum stroked the little one’s dark hair. “You
don’t want to be a Kuya yet?”
“I want to be a Kuya.” He smiled.
“You’re going to help take care of your little sister or brother?” I
stroked his hair.
“Yeah!” He enthusiastically answered.
“You’re going to have brothers and sisters that will look as cute as you
really soon because we’ll start making one tonight.” Cal grinned.
I turned my head to him and gave him a warning glare.
“How? What are you going to make the baby with?” He confusingly asked.
Callum’s laughter filled the whole room. He bent down to give our son a
kiss on the forehead. “You’ll know when your old enough.”
Arthur yawned and rubbed his eyes.
“Let’s get you to bed. Ihahatid na kita kina Mama.” Aya ko sa kanya.
“Well, someone’s a bit excited tonight.” Callum arched a playful brow.
I rolled my eyes at him. “Feeling mo!”
“Come here, give Dr. Daddy a hug and lots of kisses.” He scooted over to
the edge of the bed and lifted him up to sit on his lap. Arthur gave him
a hug and kisses all over his face and Cal ended it with a goodnight kiss
on his lips.
Naiingit ako. I took him in my arms and started giving him sniff kisses
all over his neck. He laughed a heart laugh.
“Bakit si Dr. Daddy lang ang may hugs at kisses?” I asked.
“I’ll… give… you hugs… and kisses toooooo!” He said in between his
laughters, tickled with my kisses on his neck.
I stopped giving him tickle kisses and he hugged and kissed me too.
“Don’t you want me to read you Curious George before you go to Mama and
Dad?” I asked him.
“I left it in their room. Daddy’s going to read it for me.” He said.
“Okay, one last kiss?” I puckered my lips.
He gave me a peck. Callum and I brought him to Mama and Daddy’s room and
then we headed back to ours. This was the first night since Mama and Dad
left that Arthur wouldn’t sleep with us. It was just one night and I
already miss him.
I slipped in to bed and reached over to the bedside table to continue the
reading the book I started a few days ago. When suddenly Callum walked
out from the bathroom with nothing but a black towel around his waist.
My brows furrowed when he walked up to the middle of the room and pressed
the audio player on. I put the book over to my chest and couldn’t help
but laugh when the song started playing. He sang along with the song as
he does a macho dancer dance.
“I’m never gonna dance again. These guilty feet have got no rythm, though
it’s easy to pretend. I know you’re not a fool…” He sang as he thrust his
hips in the air.
“Cal!” My stomach began to hurt from laughing.
He hopped on to the bed and crawled his way towards me. He mounted on top
of me, straddling my torso between his musculine legs.
“You’re crazy…” Natatawa at naiiling an sabi ko habang sumasayaw siya sa
ibabaw ko.
“Unwrap your present, love.” He teasingly said, his gaze lowering to the
towel around him.
I bit my bottom lip and my hand reached up to the top of the towel that
was firmly wrapped around him. I slowly pulled it open and it fell from
his waist, revealing his engorged manhood. My laugh died down as I looked
at him, my eyes twinkling with passion. With the thought of what it did
and could do to me.
I swallowed as I took him in my hand. I wrapped my fingers around his
hardness and he groaned when I started stroking it. I gasped as I watched
him grow harder in front of me and in my hand. Wanting a little taste of
my husband, I lowered my mouth to him and took him in. I sucked the tip
of him. He tasted of heady male musk with a hint of soap. Warmth infused
my whole body when I heard his moan and every inch of my body tingled
with awereness.
I swirled my tongue around him as my hand pumped up and down the base of
his manhood. He held onto my head as I bobbed up and down him. He was
warm, musculine and yet so gentle. He was familiar. My hand move in time
with my mouth.
“Au, I’m going to blow if you keep doing that.” He harshly exhaled,
pulling himself from my mouth. He dropped his body on top of mine and
pinned my hands on top of my head, his head leveling to mine. He looked
at me with eyes burning with desire. “I want to come inside you, love.
Shoot so deep. I want you to feel my warmth and I want to feel your pussy
clenching around me.”
His words made me shiver with anticipation. He had the right mixture of
gentleness and lewdness, it turned me on even more. He yanked the blanket
that covered me and stared down at my body.
His hand glided down my thigh and up the silk dress I was wearing. He
cupped my sex, petting it for a little while before he pushed my panties
aside and touched me. He touched me there while looking straight into my
eyes. Those dark eyes intensified even more when a moan rose from my
throat. He fondled my folds so slowly it made me quiver. He rubbed my own
wetness around my clit, acting as a lubricant. I lifted my head up and
locked my lips against his. Our tongues moved against each other as his
fingers continued on. He pushed two fingers inside me while his thumb
still rubbed my clit. He fingerfucked me until my whole body convulsed,
my hips thrusted up in a fit of orgasm.
“Take the lead, love.” He gently said, shifting our position. “Do what
feels right for you. I want you to learn.”
I was now on top of him, staring up at me with anticipation. I gupled,
still clueless of what I should do. He took my hand and rested it on top
of his chest as if guiding me to what I should do. I began to massage his
chest and when I slowly grew comfortable. I lowered my head and left
small kisses over his chest. He sucked in a breath when I took a nipple
in my mouth. He raked his fingers through my hair and gently tightened on
it. I gave the same attention to his other nipple, twirling and sucking
on it.
“I can’t take it anymore, love. Fuck me.” He said.
I lifted my head up and scooted to his groin. I pulled my silk dress over
to my head and threw it to the floor and then I took off my underwear. I
held his hard manhood in my hands and lifted my body up. I positioned his
penis against my opening and lowered myself on him. I felt wanton and
wild. He made me feel so sensual and in control. In that instant, I
finally knew I had nothing to fear because this body was made for him. It
was all his. Sa kanya lang ako at ang katawan ko.
His hand went down my clit and he rubbed it as I moved up and down him.
“Love, I’m going to come…” He groaned after just a few thrust.
“Rub me harder. I want to come with you.” I told him.
He did as he was told. He pressed his finger harder, twisting and pulling
at my clit with his two fingers and then I exploded into a blinding
orgasm on top of him. He soon followed after and I felt his hot liquid
gushing with so much intensity inside me.
I rested my body on top of his and we took out time to recovery from the
frenzy. He played with my hair and traced his fingertips on my naked
back.
“I love you, Audrey. God, how I love you.” He whispered. “You are the
best thing that ever happened to me and I don’t want to lose you.”
“I love you too, Cal.” I lifted my head up to gaze at him.
“Audrey…” He gently lifted me up from his body and got up from the bed. I
watched as he headed to our closet. He had his pants hanged on the door
of the closet and he took something out from it. A small box?
“Sit up, love.” He commanded and so I did.
He grinned standing next to the bed. “I know this isn’t the most romantic
setting, we just made love and we’re both naked but I don’t give a damn
anymore. I can’t wait another minute to ask this question to you again.”
He got on one knee beside the bed and held the small box in front of him.
“Audrey Francois, will you marry me again? Will you be my Mrs. Francois
forever? I want to marry you over and over. In a thousand lifetimes and
in a thousand universe, love, I will find you and I will marry you again
and again.”
“Yes, Cal, a thousand yes.” Mangiyak-ngiyak na sabi ko. I jumped on him
and we both laid on the floor laughing as happy tears ran down my cheeks.
Chapter Thirty Four
“It’s good that you decided to have a proper wedding.” Dad nodded his
head as he looked at Callum and I. We decided to break the news to them
over dinner where everyone in the family were present.
“We’re so happy for the two of you.” Mama affectionately put her hand
over mine.
“Another wedding in the family?! I am so excited! Oh I get to wear a gown
again.” Ronnie clapped with glee. “Isn’t it kind of funny? Si Kuya Miggy
ang unang na-engage at mas nauna pa kayo ni Kuya Coco na makasal. Wala pa
rin bang date ang kasal niyo ni Ate Hazel, Kuya?”
Kuya Miggy suddenly coughed as if the food he was chewing was dislodged
in his throat. He cleared his throat. “As of now, wala pa.”
“Ronnie, ang kasal hindi paunahan yan. It is a very serious matter and it
is not a race.” Seryosong sabi ni Dad.
“At alam mo naman yang Kuya Miggy mo, masyadong metikuloso. But that’s
not the topic right now. Ang kasal ng Ate Drey mo at ng Kuya Callum mo
ang pinag-uusapan natin.” Mama calmly said.
“That’s great! Are we finally going to get invited to your wedding?” Coco
arched a brow with a sly smile playing on his lips.
“We wouldn’t announce it kung hindi kayo invited.” I rolled my eyes at
him, smiling.
“A wedding like when Ate Anais was riding a horse and then Kuya Coco
waited for her and they stood in front of a lot of people?” Arthur
cluelessly asked.
“Yes, that’s a wedding. And then after the wedding they’ll have a
honeymoon like Mymy and Dada. A honeymoon is when they go to a far away
place to kiss a lot and make a baby.” Sagot naman ni Cookie.
“Cookie.” Pinandilatan ni Anais ang anak niya, looking embarrassed.
“Kumain ka na lang.”
“Dr. Daddy and Mommy doesn’t need to go to a far away place to make a
baby. Last night, sabi ni Dr. Daddy they’ll start making one.” My son
said. They were indeed cousins. No doubt about that.
I wanted to sink into my seat in embarrassment as the whole table
laughed. I turned to see Cal with a smug smile on his face as he squeezed
my hand. I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head.
“When are you planning to wed?” Asked Dad after the laughters had died
down.
“As soon as possible.” Cal answered. “We just want it to be a simple
wedding. Iyon ang gusto ni Audrey.”
“How soon is soon?” Dad arched a brow.
“Next week.” I answered.
“Next week? That IS soon.” Kuya Miggy commented.
“As Callum said, it’ll just be a small wedding. Nothing fancy. Kahit sa
backyard lang gawin. We already got married once. Gusto lang namin ikasal
ulit kasi you guys never got to be on our first wedding.” He said.
“Am I going to walk again and hold a thing like in Kuya Coco’s wedding?”
Arthur asked.
“You’ll be my best man.” Callum affectionately kissed the side of his
head.
“What does a best man do?” He asked.
“You get to stand next to me and wait for Mommy as she walks down the
aisle.” He answered.
“Wala ka sa bachelorette party ko. We need to throw you one!” Anais
excitedly said.
“Ate, kasali na ako d’yan ah. I’m of legal age na.” Sabi naman ni Ronnie.
“No, you will always be my baby girl.” Dad shook his head.
“Mama oh, si Dad!” Ronnie whined like the little girl she still was.
The help started putting a plate full of crispy bacon on the table.
Suddenly we heard a gagging sound and everyone’s eyes were on Anais. She
covered her mouth with her hand and stood hurriedly stood from her seat
and ran.
“Anais, babe?” Coco ran after her.
“Is Mymy sick?” Cookie worriedly asked.
“Your Mymy might already have a baby in her tummy.” Ronnie explained.
“Our family is getting bigger.” Dad said with a wide smile on his face.

Dad offered financial help for our wedding but Callum strongly refused.
He did not want Dad to pay a single penny for our wedding. Callum may not
be as wealthy as Dad but he was fairly well off in his own right. We
weren’t aiming to have a fancy wedding. We just wanted to make it
official in front of people we love and care about. Iyon din ang naisip
namin na magandang pagkakataon para ipakilala si Arthur bilang anak ko.
Everyone outside our family knew him as our brother but I wanted them to
know that he was my son.
We’d already contacted the church we planned to wed. The flower
arrangements would be handled by our lovely Tita Marian. We’d invited a
designer to make my wedding dress and suits for him and Arthur. Gusto ni
Callum na pareho sila ng suit ni Arthur. It didn’t feel like we were in a
hurry even though we only had a week of preparation before the wedding.
Everyone was just enjoying everything. It was so smooth and simple.
I looked at my boys as they both fitted into their suits. They even got
the same haircut yesterday. Callum was fixing Arthur’s coat as they stood
in front of the three-way mirror. They looked so cute together as they
looked at themselves in the mirror.
“Magkamukha na talaga sila. Arthur’s like a mini version of Kuya Callum.
They could really pass for a father and son, Ate.” Sabi ni Ronnie habang
nakatitig sa dalawa. “No one can ever tell na hindi sila—”
“Ronnie.” Saway ni Mama. I knew Ronnie didn’t mean any harm at what she
said, sometimes things just slip out of her mouth. Ibinaon na ng pamilya
namin ang pinagmulan ni Arthur. Kinalimutan na namin ang pinagmulan ng
kalahati ng pagkatao niya. We never talk about it and I didn’t think they
even wanted to think about it. For us, he was just ours. Our little
Arthur. He was a Cordova and soon he’d be a Francois.
“I’m sorry…” Ronnie bit her bottom lip.
“Callum is Arthur’s father and no one else’s.” I said loud and clear.
“We know that, honey. And he’s a good father to our Arthur. Nakikita ko
kung gaano niya kamahal si Arthur at kung gaano siya kamahal ng bata.”
Mama said.
Callum carried Arthur in his arms and walked towards us in their cute bow
tuxedo. Callum was devoted to my son, to our son, and it showed how much
he cared and loved him. Looking at them, I knew things couldn’t get any
better than this. This was the life I craved with every fiber of my
being.
“Look at this handsome little fellow. We all know who’ll be stealing the
limelight on our wedding day.” Callum proudly showed him off to us.
“My baby looks like a young man.” I cupped his little face and rubbed my
nose against his.
“A handsome young man.” Sabi ni Mama.
“I look like Dr. Daddy.” Sabi niya. “We have the same clothes and the
same hair.”
“Yes, you do…” I nuzzled my face into his soft cheek.
“But you look more like Mommy. You had her eyes and her good looks.”
Callum smiled, his eyes looking at me like I was the most beautiful woman
on earth.
I bit my inner cheek to keep myself from smiling. We were going to get
married for the second time pero kinikilig pa rin ako sa kanya.
“And I look like Daddy and Mama too. But they say I look like Mama more
because we both have black hair and Mommy, Kuya Coco, and Kuya Miggy has
Daddy’s hair, di ba, Mama?” He turned his head to Mama.
“Of course. Kayong dalawa lang ni Ronnie ang nakamana ng hair color ko.”
Mama tucked a few strands of our little one’s hair behind his ear and
kissed him.
“Pag nagkalittle brother or sister ako, will it have black hair like mine
or like Mommy?” He curiously asked.
“What do you think?” Callum asked.
“I want it to have the same hair like mine para may pareho akong hair.
Because even Cookie has blonde hair like Kuya Coco.” He pouted.
Isa-isang nagdatingan ang mga kapatid ko para sukatan na din sila ng
susuotin sa wedding ko. We picked our son, of course, as our best man and
Ronnie as the maid of honor. I also chose Therese and our old friends as
the bridesmaid.
“Sorry, are we late?” Coco came in carrying Cookie in his arms and his
other wrapped around the small of his wife’s waist. “Our apologies, Anais
was being an extra brat these past few days.”
Anais snapped her head at Coco and gave him a death glare. “Ha-ha!”
“Which I perfectly understood.” He kissed her and she answered back with
a scowl. “We dropped by her OB before we got here.”
“And?” Therese raised her brows, grinning from ear to ear.
“And it looks like ako na naman ang pinaglilihian ng asawa ko.” Coco
proudly announced. “I don’t want to steal this moment but I’ll explode
from so much happiness if I keep this in. Baby Cordova #2 is on the way,
everyone!”
“Wow! That was quick. Congrats, Kuya Coco and Ate Anais.” Sabi ni Ronnie
and then she turned to us. “Kaya after the wedding, Ate, you and Kuya
Callum need to go to a far away place too. Para makahabol kayo.”
“Loka ka talaga.” I laughed and looked at my twin brother and his wife.
“I’m so happy for you two.”
“I’ll be happy with whatever given to us pero sana naman magkaron na ako
ng apo na babae.” Mama said, excitement in her voice.
“I have a feeling we’re going to have a baby girl, Ma.” Anais smiled, her
eyes lowering to her still flat stomach.
“Talagang lumalaki na ang pamilya natin.” Dad said and looked at Mama
with such tenderness that I swore made her heart melt. “This is what
we’ve always dreamt of. To grow old together. To watch our children grow
and our children’s children. We’ve truly made it, Cassie.”
“Oh, Nick…” Mama sighed nostalgically. Dad bent down to give Mama a kiss
on the lips.
“Ew!” Ronnie made a face and faked choking her neck with her hands.
I just shook my head and laughed at her reaction.
Callum hooked his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him while
carrying Arthur in his other arm. “Someday, we’ll be like your parents’
too.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. My
parents’ relationship had always been my ideal. Since I was a child, I’d
always just dreamt of being like my Mom and taking care of my family. I
knew with Arthur and Callum, I’d have my own family I’d always dreamt of.
“Callum, wala ka yatang inimbitahan na kamag-anak o kaibigan man lang.”
Dad asked the others were busy with their measurements being taken.
Cal sat right up, his spine stiffened. “They’re all in the States.”
“Wala ka bang kahit isang kamag-anak man lang dito?” Mama asked before he
could answer Dad’s question.
“I don’t have any relatives here in the Philippines anymore. They all
migrated to the States. Yung iba naman na nandito sa Pilipinas mga hindi
ko masyadong kakilala.” He answered.
“What about your sister’s son? Hindi ba sabi mo nandito siya sa
Pilipinas? Why don’t you try to invite him? What’s his name again?
Raven?” I asked.
His jaw suddenly clenched. “We’re not in good terms. We don’t have a
family like yours. I didn’t grow up in the best environment. I’ve been
estranged with them for a very long time.”
“I see.” Dad nodded his head, understanding him. It was not a secret to
us that our father was my grandfather’s son with his mistress. His half-
siblings doesn’t recognize him as their brother. When our grandfather
died, he’d completely cut ties with them. They became a complete
stranger. The only relative he knew from the Cordovas was Aunt Andi, his
cousin. She’d been more of an Aunt to us than his half-sister who we had
never communicated with.
“Do they at least know that you’re going to get married?” Mama asked.
He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t think they care about what I do with my
life. Audrey and Arthur are the only family I have now.”
“You’re a family to us too, Callum. We’re now a family.” Mama said.
“Thank you.” His eyes were warm with gratitude as he looked at Mama.
“I’ve never had a family in a real sense. I wish I met you sooner.”
I smiled and pressed a gentle kiss on his jaw. I promised to myself that
I’d give him the family he never had. We’re going to have a big one. We’d
both fill each other’s empty space with love, happiness, and warmth.

“Ma’am Audrey, may package po kayo.” Agad na bungad sa akin ng kasambahay

namin pagbaba ko kinaumagahan. My brows furrowed as I was handed a small
box. I checked the box and there was nothing written on it but my name
and address. The name of the sender and the returning address was left
blank.
Was this a surprise gift for my wedding? But from who?
I decided to just open the box. Maybe then I’d have a clue on who it was
from. The box was filled with shredded paper so I had to dig through it
and then in the middle of it, I felt something hard. I took it in my hand
and lifted it up.
I felt the water closing in on my mouth as I held the metal piece. My
stomach dropped and my heart was beating so violently I thought for sure
it would damage my ribs. It was all a shocking blur. My mind spun like an
out of control carousel. My eyes twitched with unshed tears, my knees
wobbled, and I broke into cold sweats. I wanted to pass out.
It took me more than a minute for my mind to process what I was holding
in my hand. The metal had the same shape as the burn on my breast. It was
from the branding iron that was used to me. I let out a scream of terror,
with hot tears sliding down my face. My mind just went blank and I just
kept screaming and crying, dropping the metal piece on the ground. My
knees finally gave in and I sat there on the flooring. I screamed and
cried with terror and anger as flashbacks of what they did to me came
flooding back. It drowned me. I tried to keep afloat but the memories
drowned me.
The next think I knew, I was in Callum’s arms and my family were standing
around me as he tried to calm me down.
“Mga hayop sila! Mga hayop silaaaa!” I fisted my hands against Callum’s
chest.
Callum picked up the metal piece in his hand and his hand tightened
around it as he thought it would turn into powder if he squeezed hard
enough. His face turned hard and his dark eyes bore fierceness and danger
that would make anyone he looks at shiver.
“Dressed in the skin, the wolf strolled into the pasture with the sheep.
Soon a little lamb was following him about and was quickly led to the
slaughter.” Ronnie read as she held the card she took from the box.
“No one is going to hurt you again. I won’t let them…” He hushed me
soothingly.
Dad’s eyes were red with tears at the effort not to cry as he stared down
at me. He tried hard to keep a straight face.
“Magbabayad ang gumawa sa’yo nito, Drey. I won’t let them get away with
what they did to you. I want to kill. I will do to them worse that they
did to you. I will give them slow, painful, agonizing death. I will burn
them to the soul before they even get to hell.” Tagis bagang na sabi ni
Dad. There was a certain promise in the way he said those words.
Chapter Thirty Five
“Mommy…” Arthur left a sweet kiss on my cheek as I laid on the bed. “Are
you okay now? Sabi ni Daddy and Mama you’re not feeling good.”
I turned my head to see my son, leaning over to my shoulder. I passed out
from the emotional exhaustion and woke up with him the first thing in
sight. I turned to my back and embraced him. Somehow, just the mere
presence of Arthur soothed me. He was the beauty that came out of all the
pain I’d been through. He was my strength personified and my resilience
embodied.
“I’m okay now. Kiniss mo na ako eh.” I smiled.
Callum sat on the edge of the bed and handed me a cup of tea. I sat up
and took it from him. “I already asked Manang Gloria to bring you your
breakfast.”
“Thank you.” I said, taking a small sip.
“Dr. Daddy, di ba doctor ka? Can you make Mommy feel better. I don’t like
it when she’s not feeling good. You made me feel better when my heart
hurted.” He innocently said.
“I will do everything to make Mommy feel better.” He cupped my chin and
left a gentle kiss on my lips.
A soft smile broke across my lips. “Just being with you two makes me feel
so much better.”
“Maybe we can tell Mommy funny jokes to make her feel laugh so she’ll
feel even more better.” Callum suggested. “Do you know any funny jokes?”
“Um…” Arthur thought for a second. “Okay! This is a joke from my
classmate but I guess I can borrow it. Why did the chicken cross the
road?”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because the chicken wants to get to the other side of the road.” Arthur
laughed. We both laughed not because of the joke but because of his
laughter. It was so contagious.
“I have one!” Sabi ni Callum. “What time did the man go to the dentist?”
“What time?” Arthur eagerly asked.
“Tooth hurt-y.” Callum answered.
It was so bad I just had to laugh but Arthur’s laughter topped the joke
off. He was literally rolling on the bed, laughing. We just couldn’t help
laughing along with him. Callum jumped in the bed with us and wrapped his
arms around the two of us.
“Our son’s a very simple young guy. Dr. Daddy makes a joke. He laughs at
it.” Callum grinned and nuzzled against Arthur. “I have another one.”
“Okay.” Arthur was already giggling.
“Do you know you can’t play cards in the jungle?”
“Why?” Arthur asked.
“Because there are so many cheetahs.” Sabi ni Callum.
“I don’t get it.” Arthur wrinkled his nose in confusion.
“Cheetahs are animals and it sounds like cheaters.” Callum explained.
“Oh…” Arthur nodded his head but it was obvious that he hadn’t fully
understood the joke yet.
“Corny na si Dr. Daddy.” I teased.
“You two just can’t appreciate a good humor.” Cal chuckled and then his
expression turned serious. He nipped my chin between his two fingers and
made me look directly in those dark eyes. “Love, I swear, for as long as
I’m breathing I won’t let anyone harm you or Arthur. Not even myself.”
I bent my head down to kiss him on the lips.
“Ooohh… you kissed!” Arthur’s eyes widened as he looked up at us.
Callum covered Arthur’s eyes with his hands and proceeded on giving me a
kiss. I laughed against his lips.

“I can feel it. We’re so close to catching them.” Mahina pero mariin na
sabi ni Dad. Dad’s men were able to track down where the package was
dropped off. They looked through the CCTV footage of the branch and a
camera caught the man who sent the package. The problem was the man had a
face mask, glasses, and a cap on. He was wearing an all black clothing
and he was lean and muscular. Bukod doon, wala na silang nakuhang
impormasyon ng lalaki.
The door to Dad’s study was slightly opened and I could see them through
the small crack. Dad was sitting on his conference table with his friends
and their men. Dad had been working non-stop on finding the men who’d
abducted and abused me.
“These guys know the game they are playing. I’ve sent my best men to do
the work but still nothing!” I overheard Tito Axel say.
“We always think we’re close to catching them and then we hit a dead
end.” Tito Wayne shook his head, disappointment and frustration evident
in his voice.
“I think that’s exactly what they want us to think, that we’re one step
away from catching them. Kasi nga pinaglalaruan nila tayo.” Tito Seth
tapped his fingers on the table.
“Soon their sick little game will be over. We will put an end to it.”
Sabi ni Uncle Tristan.
“Lahat gagawin ko maibigay ko lang sa anak ko ang hustisya at maibalik ko
lang ang katahimikan sa buhay niya. Kayang-kaya kong gawin kahit ano para
sa mga anak ko. I will kill and die for them.” Dad said through gritted
teeth.
In that instance, I felt secured. I had a Dad who would protect me with
his life, I had my family, and my Dad’s friends who treated me nothing
less of a daughter.

The wedding still pushed through despite what happened. Everything was
done as planned. I wore a simple white wedding dress. It was clean and
classic just exactly how I wanted it to be. I looked out the window from
my room and saw the people standing outside the church. There was not a
single unfamiliar face as we only invited the people close to me.
I let out a deep inhale. I couldn’t believe how nervous I still felt even
though this was my second wedding. Kinasal naman na kami ni Callum. I’d
be Mrs. Callum Francois again for the second time. Ngayon nga lang we
were going to make it official in front of my family and everyone I love.
“Ms. Audrey, ready na po kayo?” Asked the organizer, popping her head
through the door of the car.
“Yes.” I sat right up.
“Okay, we’ll get everything ready and I’ll tell when you’re allowed to
get out of the car.” She instructed.
I nodded my head and tried to calm my racing heart. After a few minutes,
I was given a signal to come out of the car and then the church door
opened. All heads turned to me and at that moment, I felt like the center
of the universe. At the end of the aisle stood the two guys I love. I
took a deep breath, a final sigh of relief. Dad and Mama walked up to me
and gave me a hug.
“Another one of our baby’s going to get married.” Mama said as she cupped
my face.
“Ma, I’m already married.” I said, through my tears.
“And you’re going to get married again.” Sabi niya.
“You’ll always be Daddy’s girl, won’t you?” Dad asked with voice
constrained with tears.
“Always.” I nodded and tears gushed out again.
Mama and Dad walked me down the aisle as the song started. I could
already imagine the life we’d have together as a family. I was just a
couple of steps away from the life I’d always dreamt of. Just a few more
steps. One… two… three… I lost count of the steps and just focused on
them. I knew that as soon as I got to the end of the aisle, I wouldn’t
have to walk through life alone anymore. I’d have them beside me forever.
My very own family.
We reached the end of the aisle and Cal’s eyes were red with unshed tears
while he looked at me.
“Take care of Arthur and Audrey. They’re yours now.” Dad said as he
handed me to Cal.
“I will.”
“Daddy, Ma!” I gave both of them a hug.
“Your Dad and I will be here for you. We’ll always be. Remember that,
okay?” Mama said, wiping my tears with her thumbs.
I nodded my head. I turned to Cal and hooked my arms around one of his
while his other hand held Arthur’s. The three of us walked to the altar
together. The ceremony began and after the sermon the priest made us say
our vows.
“Mrs. Francois, this is our second wedding but it still feels like thr
first with you. I will never get tired of marrying you. I will marry you
in every church in this world if I have to. I will marry you in the next
life we have. I will find you and I will marry you over and over again.
Nothing in this world could be more beautiful than you and the love and
trust you’ve given to me. I want to fill the empty space in your heart
with love and nothing else. Thank you for showing me real love. With you
and Arthur, I feel like God has forgiven me for all the things I did
wrong in my life. I love you, Audrey. No matter what happen, always
remember that. Everything I have and everything I am now is yours
forever. Take this ring as a sign of my undying love and as a symbol of
all that we share.” He slid the ring on my finger. I fanned my eyes with
my hand as I felt tears sting my eyes.
He then turned to Arthur and got down on one knee to level with him. Cal
gave him a kiss on the nose. “And you, our little musician, I want
nothing but the best for you. You are our precious little boy. I promise
to always love you as much as I love Mommy. I know you’re a good boy and
you will grow up to be a fine young man. I know you will be one of the
greateast musicians someday. I want you to promise me you’ll make our
dreams come true. I want you to promise me you’ll love and respect Mommy.
Hindi mo siya bibigyan ng kahit anong sama ng loob. You’ll give her lots
of kisses and hugs every morning and before you go to sleep at night.”
“I promise.” Arthur said. Although he was too young to understand what
was going on and why Callum was saying these things in front of many
people. I knew he could feel the rawness of our emotions. Our son was
getting teary-eyed too.
“That’s my boy.” He offered his fist to our son and Arthur fist bumped
him. He then took out a necklace with a guitar shaped pendant from his
coat pocket and put it around Arthur’s neck. “I want you to have this as
a promise that I will be the best stage Dad that I can be and I will
always be here to love you and support you. I’ll always be your biggest
fan.”
It generated an ‘aww’ from the people when Arthur threw his arms around
Callum and buried his face into his neck as he cried.
“Callum, our love wasn’t the conventional one but it was wonderful. You
came into my life when darkness was all I ever knew. When my world was
cold and when it was hard to remember the sun was still there. You gave
me warmth when everthing felt cold and in time of darkness, you comfort
me. You took me in and never gave up on me when I had already given up on
myself. You chased the darkness away and washed it with joy. I love you.”
I tried hard to keep my voice steady but it was all in vain. I slipped a
ring on his finger and after that he didn’t even need the priest to tell
him to kiss me, he cupped my face and kissed me. I kissed him back with
every bit of love in my body.

We were in our garden, where the wedding venue was held. All of the
guests were in long dresses and tuxedos. Everyone were mingling and
talking with each other while waiters walked around with platters of
glasses of wine and champagnes and finger foods.
My two boys were nowhere in sight. I just left to change into a simpler
dress and when I came back they were no longer where I left them. They
were probably up to something again. Alam ko na ang tinginan ng mag-ama
kanina.
Suddenly the spotlight was pointed at the platform that was set up in the
middle of the garden. There they were my two boys. Callum had the guitar
strapped around him. Callum sat on the armchair on the platform while
Arthur sat on one of the arm of it with a mic in front of them.
“Can the beautiful bride come up here?” Callum said through the mic.
I folded my arms over to my chest, smiling as I shook my head. Anais and
Therese pushed me to the stage.
“We’ll sing a song for Mommy. Dr. Daddy and I practiced this for one week
because we want to surprise her.” Arthur said.
Callum started playing his guitar and the two sang together. Callum’s
eyes were on me the whole time.
“Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older then wouldn’t have to wait so long?
And wouldn’t it be nice to live together in a kind of world where we
belong?” They sang.
“You know it’s gonna make it that much better.” Now it was just Callum
singing and he turned his head to Arthur and raised his brows, giving him
the cue.
“If we could say good night and stay together.” Kanta naman ni Arthur.
“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up in the morning when the day is
new? And after having spent the night together, hold each other close the
hold night through.” They both sang in chorus.
“Happy times together we’ve been spending.” It was Arthur’s turn to sing
solo.
“I wish that every kiss was neverending. Wouldn’t it be nice?” It was
quickly followed by Callum.
“Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true. Baby
then there wouldn’t be a single thing we couldn’t do.” They sang together
again.
“We could married.” Sang Arthur.
“We could be married.” Callum backed up in the song.
“And then we’d be happy.” It was Arthur’s turn again.
“And then we’d be happy.” Callum sang the phrase again.
“Wrouldn’t it be nice?” And then they both sang together.
The audience clapped and they even got a standing ovation. I was sure my
two boys felt like rockstars as they got up from their seat and bowed. I
laughed and clapped along. Callum hooked his arm around my waist while
carrying Arthur in his other hand.
“Did Mommy like it?” Callum asked.
“I love it. Thank you. You two were wonderful.” I gave them both a kiss.
Arthur was the apple of everyone’s eyes that night. He was congratulated
more for his performance than we were for our wedding. Everybody thought
their song number was adorable. I felt so proud of my little musician.
While I was going around and talking to our guests, Callum suddenly
disappeared. I tried to find him and saw him in the corner by himself,
talking to someone on the phone. He sounded angry at whoever it was he
was talking with. Gusto ko siyang lapitan pero parang may kung anong
pumigil sa akin. I stayed at a distant where he couldn’t see me but near
enough so I could hear.
“Get away from my family. Leave my son and my wife alone. Ano bang gusto
mo? Magkano ba ang kailangan mo? I will send you the money first thing
tomorrow.” There was urgency in Callum’s voice. “If you don’t want the
money then what do you fucking want? Raven, I’m sick of playing your
game. I don’t know what you fucking want anymore. I am sick of playing
your games. Huwag na huwag ka na ulit makalapit kay Arthur. You have no
idea how much I want to get my hands on you and kill you right now.
Pasalamat ka at hindi ko pa rin alam kung nasaan ka, hindi ang mga
Cordova ang papatay sa’yo. Ako na mismo. You kidnapped my son, you
fucker!”
I covered my mouth with my hand as I felt a gasp rose from my throat. My
knees suddenly turned to jelly. I had to lean against the wall next to me
to keep myself from falling to the ground.
“What do you mean you’re here?” Callum looked around. “Do not fucking
make a scene here, Raven! Stay where the fuck you are and don’t let
anyone see you. Lalabas ako.”
I gathered all the strength I had in my body and followed Callum. Lumabas
siya sa gate ng bahay. I followed him as he walked out of the gate and to
the corner of our house’s tall wall, away from the guards’ sight. A man
was waiting for him there. He was leaning against the wall with one foot
pressed on it as he drew the cigarette to his mouth.
Bumilis ang paglakad ni Callum ng matanaw ang lalaki. He greeted him by
punching him square on the jaw, causing him to topple down the ground.
Naaninag ko ang mukha ng lalaki. It was the same man I saw walked out of
Callum’s house in California. His sister’s son.
“Fuck you!” Callum’s chest heaved up and down as he grabbed him by the
collar. “How dare you kidnap my son? Paano mo nakuha ang DNA result at
bakit mo pinadala sa mga Cordova iyon? Why did you send my wife the iron?
What the fuck are you trying to do? Are you trying to get us both
killed?”
“I got a strand of your hair the morning you met up with me. You’re not
the only one who knows how to play sick games.” He smirked.
“What do you want from me? Why are you doing this to me? If something bad
had happened to my child, mas mauuna akong patayin ka kaysa kay Cordova.”
“Did you get scared when they saw the DNA result? I wish I was there to
see your reaction.” He said in a taunting tone.
“You’re fucking crazy!” He said in a growl as he shook his nephew.
“What do you call yourself then? You are as sick as my mother, Callum!
You’re worse than her. After everything you did to Cordova’s daughter…”
Raven shoved him.
“I wish I could take it all back but I can’t! I just want to build a new
life with her and our son.” Callum’s voice shook as he spoke.
“And does that help you sleep at night, Callum? Do you think marrying her
would actually magically make everything right.” Raven chuckled. “You
fucking raped her!”
It was as if a bomb had exploded inside my ears. Parang nagunaw ang buong
mundo ko sa narinig ko.
“Hayop ka!” I couldn’t stop myself from charging at him and hitting him.
“Ikaw ang bumaboy sa akin! Mga hayop kayo!”
“Audrey…” He looked like a deer in the headlight.
I punched him in the face, on the chest, everywhere. I didn’t care where
my fists landed. I wanted to kill him. All along, he was one of the men
who’d violated me. I slept with him and married him not knowing that he
was one of my abusers. I felt disgusted. If I could, I would scrape off
every kiss and touch he left on my body.
He held my wrists and I spat on his face. “You disgust! Huwag mo akong
hawakan.”
“I’m sorry, Audrey.” Tears began to spill from his eyes. He hugged me but
I pushed him away from me. I didn’t even want to be anywhere near him. He
dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around. “Patawarin mo ako.
Audrey, please…”
Hatred and disgust burned inside me, spreading althroughout my body. The
man I married was the same man who’d abused me. Hindi pa siya nakuntento
sa kahayupang ginawa niya sa akin noon. Pinaikot niya ako sa mga palad
niya at pinaniwala ako sa mga kasinungalingan niya. He deserves to die
and I wanted to kill him myself. White hot fury fill my heart and I felt
like it would explode anytime soon. I cried out as I continued punching
him, my whole body trembling with rage.
“Hayop ka! Mga hayop kayo! Binaboy niyo ko!” Umiiyak na siigaw ko.
“Mr. Spiderman!” Arthur was suddenly hopping towards us.
I quickly caught my son in my arms before he could even go to Callum and
his nephew.
“Mommy, siya si Mr. Spiderman.” He said, pointing at Raven.
Suddenly men in full black clothing came out from everywhere like
sentinels. There was not an inch out from the men that surrounded us. I
hugged Arthur even tighter, fearing for him more than I was for myself. I
forced his face down my shoulders so he wouldn’t see anything he wasn’t
supposed to see.
“Itaas niyo ang kamay niyo!” Utos ng isa sa mga lalaki habang nakatutok
ang baril kay Callum at Raven.
They both slowly held their hands up.
“It’s over…” Dad suddenly walked through the ocean of men that surrounded
us and stepped in in front of us, facing the two. “You will pay for
everything you did to my daughter.”
Chapter Thirty Six
I saw how his eyes flared with pure, hot fury as he looked at Raven. I
shook like a leaf while hugging Arthur in my arms.
“Mommy, what’s happening?” Arthur innocently asked, oblivious of what was
happening around him. “Why are there a lot of people?”
“Audrey…” I flinched when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned and
saw Mama, she pulled me to her.
“Audrey, Arthur…” Callum’s voice croaked with tears. He took a step
towards me and the men aimed their guns closer to him. He paused.
“Audrey, let’s go…” Nanginginig ang boses na sabi ni Mama. “Your Dad will
take care of everything.”
“Ipasok niyo si Arthur, Drey. Sumama kayo sa Mama mo.” Dad protectively
stood in front of us. Hindi agad ako nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko.
“Drey, didn’t you hear what I just said? Pumasok kayo ni Arthur sa loob!”
Dad growled.
I took in a deep breath and handed my son to Mama. “Ma, take Arthur
inside.”
“Audrey…” She worriedly said.
“I want to watch.” I firmly said as I looked at Callum straight in the
eyes.
Dad turned his head to look at me and I looked at him. He knew. He knew I
wanted to see them be taken away. Gusto kong makita sila na magbayad sa
kahayupang ginawa nila sa akin. I was treated worse than an animal. Hindi
ko alam na ang lalaking nakakasama ko araw-araw, ang lalaking pinakasalan
ko, ang lalaking minahal ko ang gumawa sa akin ng kawalanghiyaang iyon. I
wanted to see him pay. Wala akong maramdaman na kahit katiting na
pagmamahal para kay Callum. I just wanted him to pay for everything that
he did to me.
“Cass, ipasok mo na si Arthur. Ako na ang bahala dito.” He told Mama.
Mama quickly took Arthur from me and they were assisted in by some of
Dad’s men.
“Did you fucking think I was that stupid to fully trust you with my
daughter and Arthur. Nagsimula na akong maghinala simula ng tumawag sa’yo
ang kidnapper. I had your calls monitored and recorded. Lahat ng galaw mo
pinabantayan ko. I had you investigated and found out that you didn’t
mention to us about your family. You share a mother with one of the
people I regret ever meeting in my life. I needed evidence, I can’t just
point fingers at people, but you were very careful these past few days.
Hindi mo alam kung anong pagpipigil ang ginawa ko para hindi ka mapatay
sa tuwing nakikita kita. Nakaramdam ka na ba na naghihinala na ako sa’yo?
Thank your friend here for selling you out.” Sabi ni Dad.
“Fuck you, Cordova!” Raven shouted. “You did this! Ikaw ang may kasalanan
kung bakit nangyari yun sa anak mo! Si Audrey ang kabayaran sa lahat ng
kahayupan mo!”
“You son of a bitch!” Dad charged at him, wrapping his fingers around his
neck. He raised his fist and punched him square on the jaw. “Ano bang
kasalanan ko sa inyo at pati ang anak ko dinamay niyo? Sana ako na lang!”
Raven just let out a laugh as blood oozed out from the corner of his
mouth. “AKO! Ako ang kasalanan mo sa kanila! I’m your son! Ako ang anak
na hindi mo pinanagutan kay Tiffany Garcia! You made my mother a mistress
and when you were done with her, tinapon mo siya na parang basura. Ikaw
ang dahilan kung bakit nabaliw siya!”
I took in a sharp breath. Dad just stood there, motionless, for a few
seconds.
“I guess we can call it quits now, Cordova. You have a son in our family
and I have a son in yours.” Callum’s voice was cold and without emotion.
I wept even harder at what he said. It felt even worse hearing it from
him. Hearing those words from the man I gave my full trust to and loved.
He was the one who ruined me and then he walked into my life acting like
my knight in shining armor. I let him into my life and my family’s.
“Hayop ako! Napaka-demonyo mo! Binaboy mo ako! I trusted you! Pinaglaruan
niyo ko! Mga hayop kayo!” I broke down. Gigil sa galit na pinagsasampal
ko siya. He just stayed still with head hung low.
Dad caught me in his arms and held me in a tight embrace. He kissed my
hair softly and hushed me. After a few minutes, I finally calmed down and
came back to my senses. Unti-unti akong binitawan ni Dad ng maramdaman
niya iyon at muling hinarap ang demonyong iyon.
“I’ll call it quits when I kill you!” Dad snarled at Callum. He punched
Callum in the face as the securities held him down. He shot his head up,
looking straight into Dad’s eyes without a single hint or remorse on his
face. The darkness of them only intensified even more.
“Go ahead. Just fucking kill me. End it now.” Naghahamon na sabi ni
Callum.
Dad cupped his jaw and held it firmly in his hand. “I’m not stupid. Death
is too easy for you. Pahihirapan muna kita. I will make you taste hell,
Callum. I will make you beg for your own death.”
And I wanted to be there to witness it all. All the love I felt for him
disappeared in a snap. Walang natira sa dibdib ko kung hindi poot para sa
kanya. I hated him. I hated him with every ounce of my soul.
Callum groaned and sagged when Dad’s fist landed a brutal punch to his
gut. Then he turned his head to Callum’s nephew. “Hindi kita anak. Wala
akong anak kay Tiffany. Wala akong anak sa kahit sinong babae bukod sa
asawa ko.”
“How fucking dare you deny him? Hanggang ngayon ba itatanggi mo pa rin na
ikaw ang ama niya. You ruined our lives! You had my sister locked up in
jail after you were through with her! She tried countless of times to
kill herself! Hindi niya nakayanan ang ginawa mo at nawala siya sa pag-
iisip niya! Aren’t you going to ask how my sister is now? She’s at a
hospine in a permanent vegetative state with no chance of recovery. She
tried to kill herself by jumping through the window of the mental
hospital she was put in and she survived. She can’t walk, she can’t, she
can’t even eat! You gave her worse than death, Cordova!”
“Hindi ko kasalanan ang mga nangyari sa kapatid mo. Your sister tried to
kill my son and my wife! She killed his father!” He looked at Raven.
“Hindi ako ang ama mo. Si Stephan ang ama mo! I will prove it through a
DNA test! Kapag napatunayan ko sa’yo na hindi kita anak, isasama kita sa
hayop na demonyong ito! You’ll regret the day you were ever born.”
“Walang kinalaman si Raven dito! This idiot tried to save your daughter
from me!” Asik ni Callum. “Sa akin ka magalit! Ako ang pahirapan mo pero
huwag mong idamay si Raven!”
The police soon arrived and everyone was asked to leave. Callum and Raven
were taken away and Dad and his friends went with them. Dad told me to
stay in and had his men surround and guard our house. What was supposed
to be one of the happiest day of my life quickly turned sour. Sinalubong
ako ng yakap ni Mama pagpasok ko sa bahay. I collapsed and cried in her
arms. My siblings just sat around us in silence, no one dared to ask
anything except Arthur.
He walked into the living room and saw me crying. He squeezed between
Mama and I and hugged me. “Mommy, why are you crying?”
I shook my head as sobs rose from my throat. “Bakit hindi ka pa
natutulog?”
“Because I want to sleep with you and Dr. Daddy.” He muttered in a tired
tone.
Mama and I looked at each other, our eyes spoke to one another. I took in
a deep breath, knowing I had to do this. I cupped my son’s face and
kissed him on the lips.
“Arthur baby, si Dr. Daddy hindi na babalik.” My voice trembled in tears.
“Okay lang naman na tayo na lang, hindi ba? Tayo nila Mama at Daddy at
nila Ate Ronnie? I know I hadn’t been a perfect mother to you but I
promise I will love you until my time comes to an end. You will be the
most important person in my life. Ikaw lang. My one and only sunshine
that brought light into my world.”
“Bakit hindi na babalik si Dr. Daddy?” The corners of his lips tugged
downwards.
“It’s hard to explain but you need to understand that this is for your
own good. Wala akong gusto kung hindi ang magkaron ka ng masayang
pamilya. Gusto kong makabawi sa mga pagkukulang ko sa’yo. I want to give
you a complete family but I’m afraid it won’t happen anymore.”
“Don’t say that. Nandito kami ng Daddy at mga kapatid mo.” Sabi ni Mama.
She took us in her arms and embraced us.
My siblings all stood around. Kuya Miggy buried his face into his palms,
hiding his tears. Coco was crying his eyes out and didn’t make an effort
to hide it.
“Ate…” Ronnie hugged us, sobbing.
Hindi na din nakapagpigil si Coco. He sobbed like a little boy as he
wrapped his arms around us and then Kuya Miggy soon followed after. I
felt love surrounding me. But the warmest of them all was from the little
man I had in my arms. Kay Arthur. I knew I wouldn’t need anything else
with them by my side. My family were all I ever needed. There were a lot
of tears poured that night but a lot of love too

Dad only came home the next day. I waited for him all night and called on
him repeatedly. He kept telling me that he was fine and everything was
going alright. He promised justice for me and I knew he’d keep his
promise.
Sinalubong niya ako ng halik sa ulo. He looked really tired, like he’d
carried the whole world on his shoulders.
“Nakakulong na ba siya?” I asked without flinching. It was funny that
just yesterday I was so in love with him but now I felt nothing for him.
The love for him that once occupied my heart just felt empty, hollow.
Wala akong maramdaman kung hindi galit. I wanted to rage. I wanted to see
him suffer like how I did.
“Sweety, he’s paying for what he did to you. Daddy’s doing everything I
could.” Dad said, talking to me like I was a little girl again. A little
girl who’d scraped her knees and was crying for him.
“Gusto ko siyang makita, Dad.” I buried my face into his chest and cried.
My fingers closed in on his shirt. Nanggigigil ako sa galit sa tuwing
babalik sa isip ko ang lahat. My flesh shook with so much anger boiling
inside me. “Daddy, hayop sila. Binaboy nila ako! Pinaglaruan nila ako! I
want them to pay! I want to see them pay!”
“They can’t hurt you now, I promise. Daddy’s here.” Marahang sabi ni Dad.
I could hear how much he was trying not to cry. “Drey they are not in
prison. I didn’t put them in prison.”
Bigla akong natigil sa pag-iyak at nag-angat ang tingin ko sa kanya.
“Dad? Why? Where are they now?”
Dad swallowed, his adam’s appled bobbed up and down. “They’re at Wayne’s
warehouse. Prison would be to easy for them. It would not end that way
for them. Hindi ko hahayaan na ganon na lang ang mangyari sa mga
lumapastangan sa’yo. I want to take justice in my own hand.”
“Dad…” I breathed out.
“I won’t let them get away with hurting you.” Dad’s eyes were red with
tears as they looked into mine. He cupped my face and tears started to
pour from his eyes. “I won’t make things easy for them. They will pay
hell for what they did to you, do you understand?”
There was livid promise in his eyes and voice as he said those words. His
eyes were burning, anger seeping from them. I knew he meant every letter
in it. I knew he’d be ready to kill for me.
“I- I want to see him… them…”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes…”

Dad’s car stopped in front of the huge secluded warehouse where Tito
Wayne. There were guards guarding the outside of it, holding huge guns in
their hands. I turned my head to Dad, not sure what to expect.
“I don’t want you to see this but you asked for it…” His voice croacked.
“Dad, gusto kong makita ang taong gumawa sa akin ng kahayupan. Gusto kong
makita siyang naghihirap.” My jaw clenched. I didn’t think of him as
Callum anymore. As the Callum I married, the man I made love with you
every night and the man I planned my future with. It was as if memories
of him were erase from my mind. He was nothing more than a rapist and he
would never mean anything to me more than that.
He kissed my forehead before pushing the car door open. I willed myself
to open mine and stepped out of the car. Dad and I walked to the
warehouse’s gate and we were quickly let in.
We were guarded by Dad’s men as they took us to where Callum was. And I
saw him. He was black and blue, blood dripping from his body. His body
pulled was slumped with only two chains that tied around both his wrists
holding him up. Nakayuko ang ulo niya, he was unconscious.
I did not feel anything as I watched him. The inhumane things they did to
him was written all over his body but I couldn’t find it in my heart to
feel anything right now. I just went numb.
“Bakit pinagpahinga niyo ang hayop na yan?” Dad angrily asked.
One of the guards tazed him and he let out a scream, bringing him back to
consciousness.
“Is this what you want to see, Audrey?” Dad’s face hardened, his eyes on
Callum. “He’s not human. Do not look at him as a human being. This is the
man that abducted you. He was the one who repeatedly raped and tortured
you.”
Callum lifted his head up and looked at me. “Audrey…”
I swallowed, feeling my throat clench.
“I- I’m sorry…” He struggled to say.
“Walanghiya kayo!” I charged at him and started slapping him. “Walang
kapatawaran ang ginawa niyo sa akin! Not even death is enough! Bakit
ginawa mo sa akin yun? Bakit ako? Ano bang naging kasalanan ko sa inyo?”
His eyes lowered to the ground and tears started dripping from his eyes.
His tears made him more human and I hated it. I hated feeling pity for
him. Hindi siya naawa noong ginahasa at sinaktan nila ako. Why should I
feel pity for this monster in front of me?
Napuno ng galit ang puso ko ng muling bumalik sa isip ko ang ginawa nila
sa akin. They burned me. They put piercing on my genitals. They put
things inside me.
“Walanghiya kayooo!” I screamed in front of him. I screamed so hard it
scratched my throat and made it raw. I screamed until my body dropped to
the ground and Dad quickly caught me. “Demonyo ka! Hayop ka! Nirape niyo
ko!”
“Shhh…” Dad tried to soothe me by rubbing my arms and kissing me on the
hair. Tears fell from his eyes as he tried to calm me. “I will make him
pay. You’ll see. Kayang-kaya kong gawin ang kahit ano para sa’yo. Kaya
kong pumatay para sa’yo.”
Protected: Chapter Thirty Seven
(Warning: Violent content)
I watched without flinching as they unchained him and dragged his limp
body. He was brought to this metal bed and his wrists and ankles were
securely strabbed, holding him immobile. Metal clamps were attached to
his male part. Tinakpan ang mga mata niya ng tela, binuhusan ang katawan
niya ng tubig, at nilagyan ng basang tuwalya sa ibabaw.
The wire from the metal clamps were connected to a small box that was
placed beside the bed. There was a red rotary switch on the box and the
man standing next to it rotated it. Callum let out an agonizing scream as
his whole body convulsed.
I felt queasy in the inside as I watched but I didn’t dare look away. I
felt pity, yes. Pero nawawala iyon sa tuwing bumabalik sa isip ko ang
pinagagawa nilang kababuyan sa akin. Gustong makita siyang nahihirapan
katulad ng pagpapahirap nila sa akin. No matter how hard it was to watch,
I didn’t want to miss a single blink of any of it. The fears that once
occupied my heart was replaced with hatred. It grew inside me like the
flames from an erupting volcano. I wanted him to feel the pain he
inflicted on me.
“Patikim pa lang yan, hayop ka!” Dad shouted at him in fury as he stood
right next to the bed. “It hurts, doesn’t it? That’s the lowest voltage.
Gusto mo bang malaman ang susunod ng mangyayari sa’yo? You’ll feel
indescribable pain, you will have your bones broken from muscle
contractions.”
Callum’s chest heaved heavily and rapidly up and down. He gasped in pain,
his whole body spasming and shuddering.
“Sinu-sino ang mga kasama mo? Was Raven a part of it too?” Dad asked.
Callum shook his head. “H—he wasn’t a part of any of these.”
Dad looked at the uniformed man who controlled the electric shock and
then he nodded at him, giving him a cue. The man turned it up and
Callum’s whole body stiffened and shudder as the current travelled
through his body.
“Sino sila? Sino ang mga kasama mo? I want you to tell me who they all
are! Sinu-sino kayong mga bumaboy sa anak ko?” Dad demanded, his voice
shook as tears started trickling down his eyes.
Callum’s body continued to spasm and convulse. They kept the machine on.
“I… I was the only one who touched her…”
My fingers clenched into tight fists on my lap at his confession. Kahit
na alam ko na siya ang bumaboy sa akin, I wanted to claw him everytime I
hear it from him. My heart felt like it wanted to erupt. Gusto kong
magwala. Gusto ko siyang sugurin at ilabas ang lahat ng galit ko.
Dad gave the man a cue to turn up the electricity.
Dad asked with jaw clenched. “Are you telling me that my daughter is
lying? Marami kayo. Tell me now or this can go on for hours. Hindi kita
titigilan! Mamamatay ka dito. You will die a slow, agonizing death. I bet
that doesn’t feel good, does it?”
His spasmed even harder when the machine was turned up. There were foams
coming out of his mouth and I could even see small smoke coming from him.
They were burning him from the inside.
“Kaya kong magkapademonyo para sa anak ko. Kaya kong pumatay. Huwag mong
subukan ang pasensya ko. I will stop at nothing to give my daughter the
justice she deserves.” Sabi ni Dad.
His body slumped against the metal frame when they turned off the
machine.
“Now answer me, you fucker. Sinu-sino sila?”
“Ako lang! Ako lang ang gumalawa sa kanya! Maraming tauhan si Dad but I
didn’t let them touch her. It was just me. Parte ng plano namin ang
mabuntis siya. I wanted to do to you what you did to my sister through
your daughter!” Naghahabol-hiningang sabi niya.
“Hayop ka.” I breathed heavily, the anger inside me bubbling up. I hated
my own son because of him. I almost had Arthur aborted. Dahil sa galit ko
sa nangyari sa akin, naibuntong ko lahat iyon sa sarili kong anak.
Tatlong taon ang nasayang ko. It wasn’t just my life he ruined but my
son’s. “Walanghiya ka!”
The rage swelled in my head. I could hear it screaming, clawing its way
out of my body. The heat from the anger I felt was too much and I wanted
to rip myself open and yell my lungs out.
Napatayo ako mula sa kinauupuan ko para sugurin siya. Dad hugged me
before I even got to him. I tried to push him away but Dad wouldn’t
budge. Gusto ko siyang saktan.
“Pati ang anak ko dinamay mo sa kawalanghiyaan mo! Pati si Arthur! Ni
hindi ko nagawang tignan ang anak ko sa loob ng tatlong taon!
Napakademonyo mo!” I tried to reach for him. I wanted to claw him apart.
I wanted to hurt him.
Dad pulled me to him and stroked my hair, trying to calm me down. “It’s
okay. I’ll take care of him…”
“Dad, si Arthur… Bakit pati si Arthur? Gusto ko siyang patayin…”
Nanghihinang napasubsob ako sa dibdib niya.
“I promise, I will make him pay. Pagbabayaran niya lahat ng ginawa niya
sa’yo at kay Arthur…” Dad’s voice shook with contained anger. “Ipatitikim
ko lahat ng sakit na ginawa niya sa’yo.”
We I had finally calm down, Dad sat me down. A pale of water was poured
over his head until he was gasping for air. He coughed and breathed
heavily when the pale emptied, he hadn’t recovered yet when Dad ordered
for the electric machine to be turned on.
Muling nanigas at nanginig ang buong katawan ni Callum. They kept it on
for a good three minutes before they turned it off. Callum slumped body
collapsed tiredly against the metal board he was on.
“Kung sa tingin mo may kasalanan ako sa pamilya niyo, sana pinatay mo na
lang ako kaysa ginahasa mo ang anak ko. You wouldn’t be in this position
if you had me killed. Unti-unti kitang papatayin. Wala akong ititira
sa’yo.” There was dark promise in his voice and Dad never broke a
promise. “And when the DNA result comes out, magsasama kayo sa impyerno
ng gago mong pamangkin. Hindi ko siya anak. Wala akong kasalanan sa inyo.
Kayo ang may malaking kasalanan sa akin. Your sister killed my unborn
child. He almost killed my son and wife.”
“No. Please spare Raven. I’m begging you. He has nothing to do with this.
Hindi niya ito ginusto. He only wanted to be a part of your family! Wala
siyang ginusto kung hindi makilala kayo. When he found out about us
keeping Audrey, he convinced me to let her go.”
“Hindi ko alam na marunong din palang magmakaawa ang demonyong katulad
mo. I will break you just like how you broke my daughter.” Dad snided
before turning to his men. “Kalagan niyo na yan. Turn him over.”
His men followed his instructions. They unstrapped Callum and turned him
over to his stomach, strapping him down the metal bed again. They
connected a cylinder metal rode into the electric machine and what they
did next with it made me look away. All I heard was his spine chilling
scream when Dad ordered for the machine to be turned on. The same scream
I emitted when he assaulted me.
I couldn’t take it any longer. Kahit alam kong hayop siya hindi ko kayang
manood sa ginagawa nila sa kanya. My stomach felt like it was turned
upside down. I ran out of the room and when I couldn’t hold myself any
longer, I threw up.
Uncontrollable tears flooded my eyes as I wiped my mouth off with my arm.
It was hard seeing the man I once loved like this. But it was even harder
to imagine that I had loved the man who abducted and assaulted me. It was
harder to imagine that I married him. Hinayaan ko siyang mapalapit sa
pamilya at sa anak ko.

“Dad…” I quietly said as he walked out of the door after a couple of

minutes. His face fell and he’d looked like he had aged a couple of
years. I ran up to him and hugged him. Just hugged him tight.
He walked up to me and kissed me on the forehead. “Sabi naman sa’yo. I
don’t want you to see this. Are you okay?”
“Dad, don’t you think what you’re doing to him is a little bit too much?”
I quietly asked.
“Too much? You thought that was too much? That was nothing compared to
what he did to you.”
“Bakit hindi na lang natin siya ibigay sa mga pulis? Let them take care
of him.”
“Hindi pa sapat ang ginawa kong iyon para sa kasalanan niya sa’yo at kay
Arthur. I will make him taste hell. He stripped you off your dignity and
I will do the same to him. Kung demonyo siya, kaya ko rin magpaka-
demonyo. Wala akong hindi kayang gawin para sa inyong magkakapatid at sa
Mama niyo.”
“Dad, you might end up killing him. Ayaw kong makapatay ka.” I shook my
head vigorously. I didn’t care what happened to him anymore but I cared
about my father. Ayaw kong madungisan ang kamay niya dahil sa akin. “Dad,
let’s just turn him over to the police. Tama na yun. I don’t want you to
be a murderer.”
“Trust me on this, okay? Ako na ang bahala dito. You’re not even supposed
to see this…” His eyes were gentle and sadness as he looked into my eyes.
“Pero hindi ba ito ang hiniling mo? You have to keep in mind that that
was the man who raped and hurt you. Hindi lang ikaw ang sinira niya kung
hindi ang relasyon mo sa anak mo. Hindi lang ikaw ang sinaktan niya
kundi ako. I watched you suffer, Drey. I know what you’ve been through.”
“Pero paano kung totoo ang mga sinasabi niya? Paano kung anak mo talaga
si Raven?” I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“Nasa akin na ang resulta ng DNA pero gusto kong sa harap ni Raven ko
buksan ito para mapatunayan ko sa kanya ang totoo. Napag-usapan na namin
ito ng Mama mo. She said if Raven’s really mine, I need to take
responsibility. But I will stand by my word. Sigurado akong hindi ko anak
si Raven at nakakasiguro akong wala akong naging anak sa kahit sinong
babae maliban sa Mama niyo.” He confidently said.
“Where is he now?”
“I kept him locked.” He said.
Sumunod ako kay Dad papunta sa isang banda ng warehouse kung saan niya
ikinulong si Raven. We went upstairs in a tiny room where he’d kept him.
He was surrounded by many guards as he sat on the edge of his single bed.
He lifted his eyes up to us and we were met with a vulnerable pair of
dark eyes that had always been there, hidden deep within. It was the kind
of eyes you’d see in a little boy trying to fight his tears.
“Raven.” Dad called out to him in a formal tone. “Nasa akin na ang
resulta sa DNA test.”
He sat up right as Dad handed him the envelope. “Gusto kong ikaw ang
magbukas nito. Gusto kong ikaw ang unang makaalam ng totoo.”
Raven quietly took it from Dad’s hand and ripped the envelope open. He
broke down into tears after reading the paper. Hinayaan niyang mahulog
ang papel sa sahig at isinubsob ang mukha sa mga palad niya.
Dad picked up the paper and I took a peek. It was a non-match result. The
probability of patternity was 0%.
“Phoenix please…” He dropped to his knees and cried. “Please, just turn
us in. Huwag mo nang pahirapan si Callum. This was all my mother and my
grandfather’s fault. They made us believe their lies. It was Vovó who
planned all those out. It was my grandfather’s idea to abduct her. He
said you ruined our lives. You sent my mother to prison when you were
through with her. He said you did that so your wife wouldn’t leave you.
He blamed you for losing his business because he said after the news
broke about my mother being sent to prison, investors pulled out their
investments from their company. We were left penniless. He obsessively
loathed you and he took it all out to me and Callum.”
“You will rot here along with your uncle…” Dad spitefully said. “Hangga’t
hindi pa ako tapos sa inyo. Hindi kayo makakaalis dito. But I might take
pity if you work with me…”
Raven was interviewed by my Dad’s investigators. They wanted to know
where I was taken and what he exactly knew about the whole abduction. I
believed what he and Callum said that he had nothing to do with it. Kung
iisipin, he was still a teenager at that time. Sinabi niya na sa basement
ng bahay nila ako dinala at paulit-ulit pinagsamantalahan. Dad ordered
his men to go to that house and launch an investigation.

“George was glad to see the zookeeper looking happy again-”

“Mommy…” Arthur looked up at me with sad, tired eyes. “Where did Dr.
Daddy go? Bakit hindi na siya babalik?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and took in a deep breath, trying to
keep the tears at bay. When I got home, I tried to act like everything
was okay. Lalo na sa harap ni Arthur. It would break his innocent little
heart if he found out what was going on. Siya ang pinaka-malapit kay
Callum. I would never want him to find out.
Isinara ko ang librong binabasa ko sa kanya at hinalikan siya.
“Arthur, baby, si Dr. Daddy he’s not going to be a part of our lives
anymore. He’s not going to come back.” I struggled to say with each
words.
“Why?” He curiously asked. “I miss when he plays guitar and we’d sing
together.”
“Mahirap ipaliwanag. Just know that we all love you. Hindi na ako
mawawala sa tabi mo kahit kailan.” I raked my fingers through his dark
hair.
“Hindi ba niya ako namimiss? Because I miss him so much. Can I talk to
him on Mama’s iPad? Sabi niya kapag pumunta na kayo sa far away place,
he’ll still talk to me.” Arthur pouted.
I didn’t know what to say to him or how to explain his absence.
“Of course, he misses you…” My voice cracked at the end of the sentence.
“I’m sure he does. It’s just… really hard right now. Masaya naman tayo,
di ba? Kahit ikaw lang at ako. We need to do a lot of catching up.
There’s still a lot of things I need know about you. There are still
games we haven’t played and stories I haven’t read to you. And we will
play it all and I will read to you every story you want me to. You are
all I ever need. You are the reason for my existence and you’re the light
in the darkest parts of me. ”
“Mommy, why are you crying?” He asked as he looked at me. His tiny hands
wiped my tears away. “Don’t cry. I love you.”
“I love you too.” I rubbed my nose against his. “Mommy’s just having a
hard time right now.”
“Is it your heart? Is it hurting?” He pressed his ear against my chest.
“Hey, Mommy’s heart, stop hurting, okay? I’m going to give you lots of
hugs and kisses.”
And he did as he said he would. He clung to me and showered my face with
kisses. I couldn’t help but laugh and hugged him tighter. I was so glad I
have him. Despite everything I’d been through, I was given a beautiful
gift. It took me awhile to realize it but I was grateful I finally did.
Soon enough, the little one fell asleep.
I just stared at the ceiling as I absently brushed my fingers through his
soft hair. I couldn’t sleep that night. Everytime I close my eyes all I
see was Callum being tortured. Naririnig ko pa rin ang mga sigaw niya. To
me, he was no longer the Callum I used to love. That person was dead to
me now. Wala na akong maramdaman na kahit ano para sa kanya bukod sa
galit. But still, the memories of what I had witnessed haunted me and
kept me up at night. I tried to push it out of my mind and tell him that
he deserved everything he was getting but the thoughts of him won’t leave
me alone.
My conscience poked at me. It won’t let me sleep. Gusto kong makamit ang
hustisya pero ayaw kong makapatay si Dad para sa akin. I was worried he
might end up killing him. Ilang araw na nilang hawak si Callum. Alam kong
hindi iyon ang intensyon ni Dad pero hindi malabong mangyari iyon. There
was not a single part of him left unbruised.
Naisip ko kung ano ang pwedeng mangyari kapag namatay siya sa kamay ni
Dad. What if Arthur finds out one day? He would hate Dad. Paano kung
makulong si Dad? There were a lot of ugly scenarios running through my
mind.
Chapter Thirty Six
I saw how his eyes flared with pure, hot fury as he looked at Raven. I
shook like a leaf while hugging Arthur in my arms.
“Mommy, what’s happening?” Arthur innocently asked, oblivious of what was
happening around him. “Why are there a lot of people?”
“Audrey…” I flinched when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned and
saw Mama, she pulled me to her.
“Audrey, Arthur…” Callum’s voice croaked with tears. He took a step
towards me and the men aimed their guns closer to him. He paused.
“Audrey, let’s go…” Nanginginig ang boses na sabi ni Mama. “Your Dad will
take care of everything.”
“Ipasok niyo si Arthur, Drey. Sumama kayo sa Mama mo.” Dad protectively
stood in front of us. Hindi agad ako nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko.
“Drey, didn’t you hear what I just said? Pumasok kayo ni Arthur sa loob!”
Dad growled.
I took in a deep breath and handed my son to Mama. “Ma, take Arthur
inside.”
“Audrey…” She worriedly said.
“I want to watch.” I firmly said as I looked at Callum straight in the
eyes.
Dad turned his head to look at me and I looked at him. He knew. He knew I
wanted to see them be taken away. Gusto kong makita sila na magbayad sa
kahayupang ginawa nila sa akin. I was treated worse than an animal. Hindi
ko alam na ang lalaking nakakasama ko araw-araw, ang lalaking pinakasalan
ko, ang lalaking minahal ko ang gumawa sa akin ng kawalanghiyaang iyon. I
wanted to see him pay. Wala akong maramdaman na kahit katiting na
pagmamahal para kay Callum. I just wanted him to pay for everything that
he did to me.
“Cass, ipasok mo na si Arthur. Ako na ang bahala dito.” He told Mama.
Mama quickly took Arthur from me and they were assisted in by some of
Dad’s men.
“Did you fucking think I was that stupid to fully trust you with my
daughter and Arthur. Nagsimula na akong maghinala simula ng tumawag sa’yo
ang kidnapper. I had your calls monitored and recorded. Lahat ng galaw mo
pinabantayan ko. I had you investigated and found out that you didn’t
mention to us about your family. You share a mother with one of the
people I regret ever meeting in my life. I needed evidence, I can’t just
point fingers at people, but you were very careful these past few days.
Hindi mo alam kung anong pagpipigil ang ginawa ko para hindi ka mapatay
sa tuwing nakikita kita. Nakaramdam ka na ba na naghihinala na ako sa’yo?
Thank your friend here for selling you out.” Sabi ni Dad.
“Fuck you, Cordova!” Raven shouted. “You did this! Ikaw ang may kasalanan
kung bakit nangyari yun sa anak mo! Si Audrey ang kabayaran sa lahat ng
kahayupan mo!”
“You son of a bitch!” Dad charged at him, wrapping his fingers around his
neck. He raised his fist and punched him square on the jaw. “Ano bang
kasalanan ko sa inyo at pati ang anak ko dinamay niyo? Sana ako na lang!”
Raven just let out a laugh as blood oozed out from the corner of his
mouth. “AKO! Ako ang kasalanan mo sa kanila! I’m your son! Ako ang anak
na hindi mo pinanagutan kay Tiffany Garcia! You made my mother a mistress
and when you were done with her, tinapon mo siya na parang basura. Ikaw
ang dahilan kung bakit nabaliw siya!”
I took in a sharp breath. Dad just stood there, motionless, for a few
seconds.
“I guess we can call it quits now, Cordova. You have a son in our family
and I have a son in yours.” Callum’s voice was cold and without emotion.
I wept even harder at what he said. It felt even worse hearing it from
him. Hearing those words from the man I gave my full trust to and loved.
He was the one who ruined me and then he walked into my life acting like
my knight in shining armor. I let him into my life and my family’s.
“Hayop ako! Napaka-demonyo mo! Binaboy mo ako! I trusted you! Pinaglaruan
niyo ko! Mga hayop kayo!” I broke down. Gigil sa galit na pinagsasampal
ko siya. He just stayed still with head hung low.
Dad caught me in his arms and held me in a tight embrace. He kissed my
hair softly and hushed me. After a few minutes, I finally calmed down and
came back to my senses. Unti-unti akong binitawan ni Dad ng maramdaman
niya iyon at muling hinarap ang demonyong iyon.
“I’ll call it quits when I kill you!” Dad snarled at Callum. He punched
Callum in the face as the securities held him down. He shot his head up,
looking straight into Dad’s eyes without a single hint or remorse on his
face. The darkness of them only intensified even more.
“Go ahead. Just fucking kill me. End it now.” Naghahamon na sabi ni
Callum.
Dad cupped his jaw and held it firmly in his hand. “I’m not stupid. Death
is too easy for you. Pahihirapan muna kita. I will make you taste hell,
Callum. I will make you beg for your own death.”
And I wanted to be there to witness it all. All the love I felt for him
disappeared in a snap. Walang natira sa dibdib ko kung hindi poot para sa
kanya. I hated him. I hated him with every ounce of my soul.
Callum groaned and sagged when Dad’s fist landed a brutal punch to his
gut. Then he turned his head to Callum’s nephew. “Hindi kita anak. Wala
akong anak kay Tiffany. Wala akong anak sa kahit sinong babae bukod sa
asawa ko.”
“How fucking dare you deny him? Hanggang ngayon ba itatanggi mo pa rin na
ikaw ang ama niya. You ruined our lives! You had my sister locked up in
jail after you were through with her! She tried countless of times to
kill herself! Hindi niya nakayanan ang ginawa mo at nawala siya sa pag-
iisip niya! Aren’t you going to ask how my sister is now? She’s at a
hospine in a permanent vegetative state with no chance of recovery. She
tried to kill herself by jumping through the window of the mental
hospital she was put in and she survived. She can’t walk, she can’t, she
can’t even eat! You gave her worse than death, Cordova!”
“Hindi ko kasalanan ang mga nangyari sa kapatid mo. Your sister tried to
kill my son and my wife! She killed his father!” He looked at Raven.
“Hindi ako ang ama mo. Si Stephan ang ama mo! I will prove it through a
DNA test! Kapag napatunayan ko sa’yo na hindi kita anak, isasama kita sa
hayop na demonyong ito! You’ll regret the day you were ever born.”
“Walang kinalaman si Raven dito! This idiot tried to save your daughter
from me!” Asik ni Callum. “Sa akin ka magalit! Ako ang pahirapan mo pero
huwag mong idamay si Raven!”
The police soon arrived and everyone was asked to leave. Callum and Raven
were taken away and Dad and his friends went with them. Dad told me to
stay in and had his men surround and guard our house. What was supposed
to be one of the happiest day of my life quickly turned sour. Sinalubong
ako ng yakap ni Mama pagpasok ko sa bahay. I collapsed and cried in her
arms. My siblings just sat around us in silence, no one dared to ask
anything except Arthur.
He walked into the living room and saw me crying. He squeezed between
Mama and I and hugged me. “Mommy, why are you crying?”
I shook my head as sobs rose from my throat. “Bakit hindi ka pa
natutulog?”
“Because I want to sleep with you and Dr. Daddy.” He muttered in a tired
tone.
Mama and I looked at each other, our eyes spoke to one another. I took in
a deep breath, knowing I had to do this. I cupped my son’s face and
kissed him on the lips.
“Arthur baby, si Dr. Daddy hindi na babalik.” My voice trembled in tears.
“Okay lang naman na tayo na lang, hindi ba? Tayo nila Mama at Daddy at
nila Ate Ronnie? I know I hadn’t been a perfect mother to you but I
promise I will love you until my time comes to an end. You will be the
most important person in my life. Ikaw lang. My one and only sunshine
that brought light into my world.”
“Bakit hindi na babalik si Dr. Daddy?” The corners of his lips tugged
downwards.
“It’s hard to explain but you need to understand that this is for your
own good. Wala akong gusto kung hindi ang magkaron ka ng masayang
pamilya. Gusto kong makabawi sa mga pagkukulang ko sa’yo. I want to give
you a complete family but I’m afraid it won’t happen anymore.”
“Don’t say that. Nandito kami ng Daddy at mga kapatid mo.” Sabi ni Mama.
She took us in her arms and embraced us.
My siblings all stood around. Kuya Miggy buried his face into his palms,
hiding his tears. Coco was crying his eyes out and didn’t make an effort
to hide it.
“Ate…” Ronnie hugged us, sobbing.
Hindi na din nakapagpigil si Coco. He sobbed like a little boy as he
wrapped his arms around us and then Kuya Miggy soon followed after. I
felt love surrounding me. But the warmest of them all was from the little
man I had in my arms. Kay Arthur. I knew I wouldn’t need anything else
with them by my side. My family were all I ever needed. There were a lot
of tears poured that night but a lot of love too

Dad only came home the next day. I waited for him all night and called on
him repeatedly. He kept telling me that he was fine and everything was
going alright. He promised justice for me and I knew he’d keep his
promise.
Sinalubong niya ako ng halik sa ulo. He looked really tired, like he’d
carried the whole world on his shoulders.
“Nakakulong na ba siya?” I asked without flinching. It was funny that
just yesterday I was so in love with him but now I felt nothing for him.
The love for him that once occupied my heart just felt empty, hollow.
Wala akong maramdaman kung hindi galit. I wanted to rage. I wanted to see
him suffer like how I did.
“Sweety, he’s paying for what he did to you. Daddy’s doing everything I
could.” Dad said, talking to me like I was a little girl again. A little
girl who’d scraped her knees and was crying for him.
“Gusto ko siyang makita, Dad.” I buried my face into his chest and cried.
My fingers closed in on his shirt. Nanggigigil ako sa galit sa tuwing
babalik sa isip ko ang lahat. My flesh shook with so much anger boiling
inside me. “Daddy, hayop sila. Binaboy nila ako! Pinaglaruan nila ako! I
want them to pay! I want to see them pay!”
“They can’t hurt you now, I promise. Daddy’s here.” Marahang sabi ni Dad.
I could hear how much he was trying not to cry. “Drey they are not in
prison. I didn’t put them in prison.”
Bigla akong natigil sa pag-iyak at nag-angat ang tingin ko sa kanya.
“Dad? Why? Where are they now?”
Dad swallowed, his adam’s appled bobbed up and down. “They’re at Wayne’s
warehouse. Prison would be to easy for them. It would not end that way
for them. Hindi ko hahayaan na ganon na lang ang mangyari sa mga
lumapastangan sa’yo. I want to take justice in my own hand.”
“Dad…” I breathed out.
“I won’t let them get away with hurting you.” Dad’s eyes were red with
tears as they looked into mine. He cupped my face and tears started to
pour from his eyes. “I won’t make things easy for them. They will pay
hell for what they did to you, do you understand?”
There was livid promise in his eyes and voice as he said those words. His
eyes were burning, anger seeping from them. I knew he meant every letter
in it. I knew he’d be ready to kill for me.
“I- I want to see him… them…”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes…”

Dad’s car stopped in front of the huge secluded warehouse where Tito
Wayne. There were guards guarding the outside of it, holding huge guns in
their hands. I turned my head to Dad, not sure what to expect.
“I don’t want you to see this but you asked for it…” His voice croacked.
“Dad, gusto kong makita ang taong gumawa sa akin ng kahayupan. Gusto kong
makita siyang naghihirap.” My jaw clenched. I didn’t think of him as
Callum anymore. As the Callum I married, the man I made love with you
every night and the man I planned my future with. It was as if memories
of him were erase from my mind. He was nothing more than a rapist and he
would never mean anything to me more than that.
He kissed my forehead before pushing the car door open. I willed myself
to open mine and stepped out of the car. Dad and I walked to the
warehouse’s gate and we were quickly let in.
We were guarded by Dad’s men as they took us to where Callum was. And I
saw him. He was black and blue, blood dripping from his body. His body
pulled was slumped with only two chains that tied around both his wrists
holding him up. Nakayuko ang ulo niya, he was unconscious.
I did not feel anything as I watched him. The inhumane things they did to
him was written all over his body but I couldn’t find it in my heart to
feel anything right now. I just went numb.
“Bakit pinagpahinga niyo ang hayop na yan?” Dad angrily asked.
One of the guards tazed him and he let out a scream, bringing him back to
consciousness.
“Is this what you want to see, Audrey?” Dad’s face hardened, his eyes on
Callum. “He’s not human. Do not look at him as a human being. This is the
man that abducted you. He was the one who repeatedly raped and tortured
you.”
Callum lifted his head up and looked at me. “Audrey…”
I swallowed, feeling my throat clench.
“I- I’m sorry…” He struggled to say.
“Walanghiya kayo!” I charged at him and started slapping him. “Walang
kapatawaran ang ginawa niyo sa akin! Not even death is enough! Bakit
ginawa mo sa akin yun? Bakit ako? Ano bang naging kasalanan ko sa inyo?”
His eyes lowered to the ground and tears started dripping from his eyes.
His tears made him more human and I hated it. I hated feeling pity for
him. Hindi siya naawa noong ginahasa at sinaktan nila ako. Why should I
feel pity for this monster in front of me?
Napuno ng galit ang puso ko ng muling bumalik sa isip ko ang ginawa nila
sa akin. They burned me. They put piercing on my genitals. They put
things inside me.
“Walanghiya kayooo!” I screamed in front of him. I screamed so hard it
scratched my throat and made it raw. I screamed until my body dropped to
the ground and Dad quickly caught me. “Demonyo ka! Hayop ka! Nirape niyo
ko!”
“Shhh…” Dad tried to soothe me by rubbing my arms and kissing me on the
hair. Tears fell from his eyes as he tried to calm me. “I will make him
pay. You’ll see. Kayang-kaya kong gawin ang kahit ano para sa’yo. Kaya
kong pumatay para sa’yo.”
Protected: Chapter Thirty Seven
(Warning: Violent content)
I watched without flinching as they unchained him and dragged his limp
body. He was brought to this metal bed and his wrists and ankles were
securely strabbed, holding him immobile. Metal clamps were attached to
his male part. Tinakpan ang mga mata niya ng tela, binuhusan ang katawan
niya ng tubig, at nilagyan ng basang tuwalya sa ibabaw.
The wire from the metal clamps were connected to a small box that was
placed beside the bed. There was a red rotary switch on the box and the
man standing next to it rotated it. Callum let out an agonizing scream as
his whole body convulsed.
I felt queasy in the inside as I watched but I didn’t dare look away. I
felt pity, yes. Pero nawawala iyon sa tuwing bumabalik sa isip ko ang
pinagagawa nilang kababuyan sa akin. Gustong makita siyang nahihirapan
katulad ng pagpapahirap nila sa akin. No matter how hard it was to watch,
I didn’t want to miss a single blink of any of it. The fears that once
occupied my heart was replaced with hatred. It grew inside me like the
flames from an erupting volcano. I wanted him to feel the pain he
inflicted on me.
“Patikim pa lang yan, hayop ka!” Dad shouted at him in fury as he stood
right next to the bed. “It hurts, doesn’t it? That’s the lowest voltage.
Gusto mo bang malaman ang susunod ng mangyayari sa’yo? You’ll feel
indescribable pain, you will have your bones broken from muscle
contractions.”
Callum’s chest heaved heavily and rapidly up and down. He gasped in pain,
his whole body spasming and shuddering.
“Sinu-sino ang mga kasama mo? Was Raven a part of it too?” Dad asked.
Callum shook his head. “H—he wasn’t a part of any of these.”
Dad looked at the uniformed man who controlled the electric shock and
then he nodded at him, giving him a cue. The man turned it up and
Callum’s whole body stiffened and shudder as the current travelled
through his body.
“Sino sila? Sino ang mga kasama mo? I want you to tell me who they all
are! Sinu-sino kayong mga bumaboy sa anak ko?” Dad demanded, his voice
shook as tears started trickling down his eyes.
Callum’s body continued to spasm and convulse. They kept the machine on.
“I… I was the only one who touched her…”
My fingers clenched into tight fists on my lap at his confession. Kahit
na alam ko na siya ang bumaboy sa akin, I wanted to claw him everytime I
hear it from him. My heart felt like it wanted to erupt. Gusto kong
magwala. Gusto ko siyang sugurin at ilabas ang lahat ng galit ko.
Dad gave the man a cue to turn up the electricity.
Dad asked with jaw clenched. “Are you telling me that my daughter is
lying? Marami kayo. Tell me now or this can go on for hours. Hindi kita
titigilan! Mamamatay ka dito. You will die a slow, agonizing death. I bet
that doesn’t feel good, does it?”
His spasmed even harder when the machine was turned up. There were foams
coming out of his mouth and I could even see small smoke coming from him.
They were burning him from the inside.
“Kaya kong magkapademonyo para sa anak ko. Kaya kong pumatay. Huwag mong
subukan ang pasensya ko. I will stop at nothing to give my daughter the
justice she deserves.” Sabi ni Dad.
His body slumped against the metal frame when they turned off the
machine.
“Now answer me, you fucker. Sinu-sino sila?”
“Ako lang! Ako lang ang gumalawa sa kanya! Maraming tauhan si Dad but I
didn’t let them touch her. It was just me. Parte ng plano namin ang
mabuntis siya. I wanted to do to you what you did to my sister through
your daughter!” Naghahabol-hiningang sabi niya.
“Hayop ka.” I breathed heavily, the anger inside me bubbling up. I hated
my own son because of him. I almost had Arthur aborted. Dahil sa galit ko
sa nangyari sa akin, naibuntong ko lahat iyon sa sarili kong anak.
Tatlong taon ang nasayang ko. It wasn’t just my life he ruined but my
son’s. “Walanghiya ka!”
The rage swelled in my head. I could hear it screaming, clawing its way
out of my body. The heat from the anger I felt was too much and I wanted
to rip myself open and yell my lungs out.
Napatayo ako mula sa kinauupuan ko para sugurin siya. Dad hugged me
before I even got to him. I tried to push him away but Dad wouldn’t
budge. Gusto ko siyang saktan.
“Pati ang anak ko dinamay mo sa kawalanghiyaan mo! Pati si Arthur! Ni
hindi ko nagawang tignan ang anak ko sa loob ng tatlong taon!
Napakademonyo mo!” I tried to reach for him. I wanted to claw him apart.
I wanted to hurt him.
Dad pulled me to him and stroked my hair, trying to calm me down. “It’s
okay. I’ll take care of him…”
“Dad, si Arthur… Bakit pati si Arthur? Gusto ko siyang patayin…”
Nanghihinang napasubsob ako sa dibdib niya.
“I promise, I will make him pay. Pagbabayaran niya lahat ng ginawa niya
sa’yo at kay Arthur…” Dad’s voice shook with contained anger. “Ipatitikim
ko lahat ng sakit na ginawa niya sa’yo.”
We I had finally calm down, Dad sat me down. A pale of water was poured
over his head until he was gasping for air. He coughed and breathed
heavily when the pale emptied, he hadn’t recovered yet when Dad ordered
for the electric machine to be turned on.
Muling nanigas at nanginig ang buong katawan ni Callum. They kept it on
for a good three minutes before they turned it off. Callum slumped body
collapsed tiredly against the metal board he was on.
“Kung sa tingin mo may kasalanan ako sa pamilya niyo, sana pinatay mo na
lang ako kaysa ginahasa mo ang anak ko. You wouldn’t be in this position
if you had me killed. Unti-unti kitang papatayin. Wala akong ititira
sa’yo.” There was dark promise in his voice and Dad never broke a
promise. “And when the DNA result comes out, magsasama kayo sa impyerno
ng gago mong pamangkin. Hindi ko siya anak. Wala akong kasalanan sa inyo.
Kayo ang may malaking kasalanan sa akin. Your sister killed my unborn
child. He almost killed my son and wife.”
“No. Please spare Raven. I’m begging you. He has nothing to do with this.
Hindi niya ito ginusto. He only wanted to be a part of your family! Wala
siyang ginusto kung hindi makilala kayo. When he found out about us
keeping Audrey, he convinced me to let her go.”
“Hindi ko alam na marunong din palang magmakaawa ang demonyong katulad
mo. I will break you just like how you broke my daughter.” Dad snided
before turning to his men. “Kalagan niyo na yan. Turn him over.”
His men followed his instructions. They unstrapped Callum and turned him
over to his stomach, strapping him down the metal bed again. They
connected a cylinder metal rode into the electric machine and what they
did next with it made me look away. All I heard was his spine chilling
scream when Dad ordered for the machine to be turned on. The same scream
I emitted when he assaulted me.
I couldn’t take it any longer. Kahit alam kong hayop siya hindi ko kayang
manood sa ginagawa nila sa kanya. My stomach felt like it was turned
upside down. I ran out of the room and when I couldn’t hold myself any
longer, I threw up.
Uncontrollable tears flooded my eyes as I wiped my mouth off with my arm.
It was hard seeing the man I once loved like this. But it was even harder
to imagine that I had loved the man who abducted and assaulted me. It was
harder to imagine that I married him. Hinayaan ko siyang mapalapit sa
pamilya at sa anak ko.

“Dad…” I quietly said as he walked out of the door after a couple of

minutes. His face fell and he’d looked like he had aged a couple of
years. I ran up to him and hugged him. Just hugged him tight.
He walked up to me and kissed me on the forehead. “Sabi naman sa’yo. I
don’t want you to see this. Are you okay?”
“Dad, don’t you think what you’re doing to him is a little bit too much?”
I quietly asked.
“Too much? You thought that was too much? That was nothing compared to
what he did to you.”
“Bakit hindi na lang natin siya ibigay sa mga pulis? Let them take care
of him.”
“Hindi pa sapat ang ginawa kong iyon para sa kasalanan niya sa’yo at kay
Arthur. I will make him taste hell. He stripped you off your dignity and
I will do the same to him. Kung demonyo siya, kaya ko rin magpaka-
demonyo. Wala akong hindi kayang gawin para sa inyong magkakapatid at sa
Mama niyo.”
“Dad, you might end up killing him. Ayaw kong makapatay ka.” I shook my
head vigorously. I didn’t care what happened to him anymore but I cared
about my father. Ayaw kong madungisan ang kamay niya dahil sa akin. “Dad,
let’s just turn him over to the police. Tama na yun. I don’t want you to
be a murderer.”
“Trust me on this, okay? Ako na ang bahala dito. You’re not even supposed
to see this…” His eyes were gentle and sadness as he looked into my eyes.
“Pero hindi ba ito ang hiniling mo? You have to keep in mind that that
was the man who raped and hurt you. Hindi lang ikaw ang sinira niya kung
hindi ang relasyon mo sa anak mo. Hindi lang ikaw ang sinaktan niya
kundi ako. I watched you suffer, Drey. I know what you’ve been through.”
“Pero paano kung totoo ang mga sinasabi niya? Paano kung anak mo talaga
si Raven?” I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“Nasa akin na ang resulta ng DNA pero gusto kong sa harap ni Raven ko
buksan ito para mapatunayan ko sa kanya ang totoo. Napag-usapan na namin
ito ng Mama mo. She said if Raven’s really mine, I need to take
responsibility. But I will stand by my word. Sigurado akong hindi ko anak
si Raven at nakakasiguro akong wala akong naging anak sa kahit sinong
babae maliban sa Mama niyo.” He confidently said.
“Where is he now?”
“I kept him locked.” He said.
Sumunod ako kay Dad papunta sa isang banda ng warehouse kung saan niya
ikinulong si Raven. We went upstairs in a tiny room where he’d kept him.
He was surrounded by many guards as he sat on the edge of his single bed.
He lifted his eyes up to us and we were met with a vulnerable pair of
dark eyes that had always been there, hidden deep within. It was the kind
of eyes you’d see in a little boy trying to fight his tears.
“Raven.” Dad called out to him in a formal tone. “Nasa akin na ang
resulta sa DNA test.”
He sat up right as Dad handed him the envelope. “Gusto kong ikaw ang
magbukas nito. Gusto kong ikaw ang unang makaalam ng totoo.”
Raven quietly took it from Dad’s hand and ripped the envelope open. He
broke down into tears after reading the paper. Hinayaan niyang mahulog
ang papel sa sahig at isinubsob ang mukha sa mga palad niya.
Dad picked up the paper and I took a peek. It was a non-match result. The
probability of patternity was 0%.
“Phoenix please…” He dropped to his knees and cried. “Please, just turn
us in. Huwag mo nang pahirapan si Callum. This was all my mother and my
grandfather’s fault. They made us believe their lies. It was Vovó who
planned all those out. It was my grandfather’s idea to abduct her. He
said you ruined our lives. You sent my mother to prison when you were
through with her. He said you did that so your wife wouldn’t leave you.
He blamed you for losing his business because he said after the news
broke about my mother being sent to prison, investors pulled out their
investments from their company. We were left penniless. He obsessively
loathed you and he took it all out to me and Callum.”
“You will rot here along with your uncle…” Dad spitefully said. “Hangga’t
hindi pa ako tapos sa inyo. Hindi kayo makakaalis dito. But I might take
pity if you work with me…”
Raven was interviewed by my Dad’s investigators. They wanted to know
where I was taken and what he exactly knew about the whole abduction. I
believed what he and Callum said that he had nothing to do with it. Kung
iisipin, he was still a teenager at that time. Sinabi niya na sa basement
ng bahay nila ako dinala at paulit-ulit pinagsamantalahan. Dad ordered
his men to go to that house and launch an investigation.

“George was glad to see the zookeeper looking happy again-”

“Mommy…” Arthur looked up at me with sad, tired eyes. “Where did Dr.
Daddy go? Bakit hindi na siya babalik?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and took in a deep breath, trying to
keep the tears at bay. When I got home, I tried to act like everything
was okay. Lalo na sa harap ni Arthur. It would break his innocent little
heart if he found out what was going on. Siya ang pinaka-malapit kay
Callum. I would never want him to find out.
Isinara ko ang librong binabasa ko sa kanya at hinalikan siya.
“Arthur, baby, si Dr. Daddy he’s not going to be a part of our lives
anymore. He’s not going to come back.” I struggled to say with each
words.
“Why?” He curiously asked. “I miss when he plays guitar and we’d sing
together.”
“Mahirap ipaliwanag. Just know that we all love you. Hindi na ako
mawawala sa tabi mo kahit kailan.” I raked my fingers through his dark
hair.
“Hindi ba niya ako namimiss? Because I miss him so much. Can I talk to
him on Mama’s iPad? Sabi niya kapag pumunta na kayo sa far away place,
he’ll still talk to me.” Arthur pouted.
I didn’t know what to say to him or how to explain his absence.
“Of course, he misses you…” My voice cracked at the end of the sentence.
“I’m sure he does. It’s just… really hard right now. Masaya naman tayo,
di ba? Kahit ikaw lang at ako. We need to do a lot of catching up.
There’s still a lot of things I need know about you. There are still
games we haven’t played and stories I haven’t read to you. And we will
play it all and I will read to you every story you want me to. You are
all I ever need. You are the reason for my existence and you’re the light
in the darkest parts of me. ”
“Mommy, why are you crying?” He asked as he looked at me. His tiny hands
wiped my tears away. “Don’t cry. I love you.”
“I love you too.” I rubbed my nose against his. “Mommy’s just having a
hard time right now.”
“Is it your heart? Is it hurting?” He pressed his ear against my chest.
“Hey, Mommy’s heart, stop hurting, okay? I’m going to give you lots of
hugs and kisses.”
And he did as he said he would. He clung to me and showered my face with
kisses. I couldn’t help but laugh and hugged him tighter. I was so glad I
have him. Despite everything I’d been through, I was given a beautiful
gift. It took me awhile to realize it but I was grateful I finally did.
Soon enough, the little one fell asleep.
I just stared at the ceiling as I absently brushed my fingers through his
soft hair. I couldn’t sleep that night. Everytime I close my eyes all I
see was Callum being tortured. Naririnig ko pa rin ang mga sigaw niya. To
me, he was no longer the Callum I used to love. That person was dead to
me now. Wala na akong maramdaman na kahit ano para sa kanya bukod sa
galit. But still, the memories of what I had witnessed haunted me and
kept me up at night. I tried to push it out of my mind and tell him that
he deserved everything he was getting but the thoughts of him won’t leave
me alone.
My conscience poked at me. It won’t let me sleep. Gusto kong makamit ang
hustisya pero ayaw kong makapatay si Dad para sa akin. I was worried he
might end up killing him. Ilang araw na nilang hawak si Callum. Alam kong
hindi iyon ang intensyon ni Dad pero hindi malabong mangyari iyon. There
was not a single part of him left unbruised.
Naisip ko kung ano ang pwedeng mangyari kapag namatay siya sa kamay ni
Dad. What if Arthur finds out one day? He would hate Dad. Paano kung
makulong si Dad? There were a lot of ugly scenarios running through my
mind.