Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?

Level 2: Intermediate

1
  Warmer

a. How can you describe healthy and unhealthy relationships? Write adjectives in the chart.

Healthy relationships Unhealthy relationships

2
  Key words

a. Match the correct words to the definitions below. Then, find and highlight them in the article to
read them in context.

1. very unhappy a. satisfaction

2. a pattern of electrical activity in the brain b. miserable

3. relating to love or a close, loving relationship c. decline

4. the regular movement that the heart makes when it sends blood d. romantic
around your body

5. gradually become less, worse, or lower e. brainwave

6. a pleasant feeling when you receive or achieve something f. heartbeat

you wanted

7. time, knowledge, ideas, etc. that you put into something to make g. trait
it succeed

8. get well again after being ill or hurt h. input

9. difficult to understand i. recover

10. a particular quality in your personality j. toxic

11. the way you feel at a particular time k. complicated

12. something that harms you physically or emotionally l. mood

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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 2: Intermediate
b. Complete the sentences with words from the previous activity. You might have to change the
form of the word.

1. What do you look for in a partner?

2. I was in a good until I heard the bad news.

3. It can take many months to from a breakup.

4. This recipe is very . There are over 25 steps!

5. The company called with a survey about customer .

6. If you have young children at home, lock up any chemicals and

cleaning products.

7. The popularity of sending cards in the post is on the .

8. A normal adult’s ranges from 60–100 beats per minute.

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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 2: Intermediate
Shayla Love 6 But this doesn’t necessarily mean you should
13 December, 2023 avoid people who seem slightly unhappy.
“I would be reluctant to say, ‘Don’t couple up
1 When people date someone who is miserable, with someone who’s miserable,’” Saxbe said.
it can rub off on them. Research shows that 7 The connections between long-term
people often become similar to those people relationships and well-being are more
they spend a lot of time with. Even strangers complicated than this one factor. A large
tend to mimic each other’s movements and body of work consistently finds that close
expressions, and studies have shown that relationships make people healthier. If we were
heartbeats or brainwaves often sync up. consistently affected by less happy partners,
Studies have shown that romantic couples there wouldn’t be so much evidence that
have similar well-being when they first start relationships are overall beneficial.
dating and over time.
8 Saxbe said that the way couples affect each
2 So if two people date and become more similar, other’s mood can vary. If one partner comes
who becomes more like who? In a recent home from work each day upset, Saxbe has
paper, Olga Stavrova, a psychology professor seen toxic stress be “contagious”: the other
at the University of Lübeck, asked this person is drawn into negative emotions. But if
question. She said she wanted to understand a couple has a healthy emotional dynamic, one
if the happier person in a couple is “dragged partner can help to calm the other down.
down” or if the unhappier person is “lifted up”.
9 Happiness is not the only thing that matters in
3 Stavrova looked at data from more than 20,000 relationships. For example, parents often report
German and Dutch couples who were followed low moods and low well-being when they’re
for 37 and 14 years, respectively, focusing with their children, but when you ask them if
on couples that differed in well-being at the they are happy they had children, they still
beginning of their relationships. If one person say yes.
started out saying they had higher well-being
10 Stavrova said she can’t comment on whether
and life satisfaction than the other, they
this “syncing up” is always bad, even when one
experienced declines over time. The person
partner’s well-being decreases. Having similar
with lower well-being might experience a small
traits or behaviours to your partner can stabilise
increase in happiness but often didn’t improve.
your relationship. When people have high
And the satisfied person’s decrease was
satisfaction gaps in their first year of marriage,
always greater than any improvement in the
it increases the chances of divorce later.
unsatisfied person.
11 You don’t have to date someone who is sunny
4 Couples share what happens in their day
all the time but be aware that they will probably
and how they feel. If one person is always
affect you over time. You’re making sense of
negative, it can bring the other one down. In
the world together, with its ups and downs,
another study, researchers found that negative Stavrova said. “It’s not so much, ‘Do you never
emotions are more commonly passed back and experience dips in wellbeing? or ‘Do you not
forth than positive ones. encounter frustrations?’” Saxbe said. “What’s
5 “The idea that we soak up inputs from the more important is: how do you recover?”
people that we spend our time with is important © Guardian News and Media 2023
to understanding how relationships shape First published in The Guardian, 13/12/2023
health and wellbeing across the lifespan,”
said Darby Saxbe, a clinical psychologist
and psychology professor at the University of
Southern California.
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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 2: Intermediate

3
  Comprehension check

a. Answer the questions using information from the article.

1. What happens to people who spend a lot of time together?

2. What two things often “sync up”, according to studies?

3. What did Dr Stavrova want to find out?

4. How many couples were part of the study?

5. How long were the German and Dutch couples followed, respectively?

6. What did the data show about well-being and life satisfaction for these couples?

7. What did the researchers find about negative and positive emotions among couples?

8. What does a large body of work find about close relationships?

9. What do parents often report about their children?

10. What does having similar traits and behaviours to your partner lead to?

4
  Key language

a. Write each phrasal verb from the article next to its definition.

drag down      lift up      rub off on      soak up      sync up

1.  ecome part of a person’s character as a result of spending time with

b
somebody who has those qualities

2. improve someone’s mood or make them feel better

3. ​happen at the same time or move at the same speed

4. take in, absorb

5. make somebody feel weak or unhappy

b. Choose three of the phrasal verbs above and write personalised sentences with them.
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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 2: Intermediate

5
  Discussion

a. Discuss these statements.

• “Happiness is the most important thing in a relationship.”

• “You should do everything possible to make your partner happy.”

6
  In your own words

a. Do some research about emotional well-being in relationships.

• What are good ways to have a healthy romantic relationship?

• How can you reduce stress in your life and your relationships?

• What are healthy ways to communicate?

b. Report your findings to the class and share your opinions. Here are some phrases to help you
when you discuss facts.

The research said/found that …

One example is …

One / Some ways to do this is/are…

Something you can try is …

Another suggestion is …

Here are some phrases to use when stating your opinion.

I think (that) …

In my experience, …

From my point of view, …

In my understanding/opinion, …

I (dis)agree with …
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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 2: Intermediate – Teacher’s notes
3. Comprehension check
Article summary: The article discusses new
research on how each partner’s mood affects a. Students answer the questions based on the
the other person in a relationship. information in the article. They may do this in
different ways, e.g., in item 1, they may say, ‘They
Time: 60 minutes become more like each other and mimic each
other’s behaviours’ or similar.
Skills: Reading, Speaking, Writing
Key (suggested answers):
Language focus: Phrasal verbs 1. They become similar to each other.
2. heartbeats and brainwaves
Materials needed: One copy of the 3. She wanted to find out if the happier person in
worksheet per student
a couple is “dragged down” or if the unhappier
person is “lifted up”.
4. more than 20,000
1. Warmer 5. 37 years for the Germans and 14 years for
the Dutch
a. This activity aims to get students thinking and talking 6. The person with higher well-being experienced a
about emotional well-being and healthy relationships. decline. People with lower well-being sometimes
You may wish to elicit adjectives describing healthy had a small increase.
and unhealthy relationships. Encourage students 7. Negative emotions are more commonly passed
to share personal experiences and opinions if back and forth than positive ones.
they wish. 8. That they make people healthier and are
overall beneficial.
2. Key words 9. They often report low mood and well-being but
are happy they had children.
a. Ask students to do the exercise individually and 10. more relationship stability
compare their answers in pairs or small groups. As
an extension activity, ask students to write the part of 4. Key language
speech for each key word.
a. Students could be asked to do this exercise
Key: individually and then compare their answers in pairs.
1. b 7. h You may wish to note which are separable and which
2. e 8. i are not:
3. d 9. k
4. f 10. g soak (something) up; sync up (with someone/thing);
5. c 11. l rub off on (someone/something); lift (someone/
6. a 12. j thing) up; drag (someone/thing) down; stem from
(someone/thing)
b. Before reading the article carefully, students
use some of the key words to fill the gaps in the Key:
sentences to ensure that they understand and know 1. rub off on
how the words are used in other contexts. 2. lift up
3. sync up
Key: 4. soak up
1. traits 5. satisfaction 5. drag down
2. mood 6. toxic
3. recover 7. decline
4. complicated 8. heartbeat
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 Does an unhappy partner make you less happy?
Level 2: Intermediate – Teacher’s notes

b. Allow the class to try out the phrasal verbs on their

own. Monitor and assist students as you walk around
the class. Allow time for feedback so students can
share some of the sentences they have written.

5. Discussion

a. Students discuss the statements related to the

article and give their reasons and justifications for
each answer, referring to their own experiences
wherever possible.

6. In your own words

a. Ask students to research emotional well-being

in relationships.

b. Students could then present their reports to the

class. Encourage students to share the information
they have gathered and their opinions about the
issue. Encourage students to use some of the given
phrases in their presentations when stating facts and
their views.

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