belobog!!!!

:D and sampo… ig
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/47039902.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: Multi
Fandom: 崩坏：星穹铁道 | Honkai: Star Rail (Video Game)
Relationship: Bronya/Seele (Honkai: Star Rail), Gepard/Sampo (Honkai: Star Rail),
Caelus/Dan Heng (Honkai: Star Rail), Everyone & Everyone,
Himeko/Kafka (Honkai: Star Rail)
Character: Stelle (Honkai: Star Rail), March 7th (Honkai: Star Rail), Dan Heng
(Honkai: Star Rail), Sampo (Honkai: Star Rail), Gepard (Honkai: Star
Rail), Bronya (Honkai: Star Rail), Seele (Honkai: Star Rail), Pela
(Honkai: Star Rail), Natasha (Honkai: Star Rail), Hook (Honkai: Star
Rail), Clara (Honkai: Star Rail), Svarog (Honkai: Star Rail), Serval
(Honkai: Star Rail), Caelus (Honkai: Star Rail), Baby - Character,
Himeko (Honkai: Star Rail), Welt Yang (Honkai), Lynx (Honkai: Star
Rail), Luka (Honkai: Star Rail), Silver Wolf (Honkai: Star Rail)
Additional Tags: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Attempt at Humor, Swearing, Tags May
Change, Out of Character, Breaking the Fourth Wall, The Author
Regrets Everything, Dirty Jokes, Death Threats, Minor Violence, No
Plot/Plotless, natasha and pela break the fourth wall, I Wrote This
Instead of Sleeping, sampo and natasha are cousins, caelus calls
serval jiejie, Arguing, Lots of Arguing, everybody hates sampo, Why Did
I Write This?, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Suggestive
Themes, Somewhat, Don't Read This, Homophobic Language, but as a
joke, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Has Issues, This Is STUPID, sampo
can also break the 4th wall, Dan Heng is So Done (Honkai: Star Rail),
Natasha is So Done (Honkai: Star Rail), gepard has half a braincell, this
gc has 4.5 braincells total and theyre with bronya danheng welt and
natasha, Gepard is in denial, caelus fucking despises gepard, Caelus
and Stelle are Siblings (Honkai: Star Rail), CAELUS WELT HIMEKO
AND LYNX APPEAR LATER IN THE FIC, CAEHENG IS MADE
CANON IN CHAPTER 51, the author has a favorite ship,
Implied/Referenced Sex, idk anymore, Threats of Violence,
Shenanigans, LUKA ALSO APPEARS LATER IN THE FIC, the first
appearance of himeko/kafka is in chapter 104, Beta Read-ish,
serval/natasha crumbs, SILVER WOLF APPEARS IN CHAPTER 111
Language: English
Series: Part 1 of belgobog funni
Stats: Published: 2023-05-08 Updated: 2023-09-20 Words: 76,035 Chapters:
116/?

belobog!!!! :D and sampo… ig

by kora_1, toffeephi

Summary

average honkai star rail chatfic (god can no longer save me)
Notes

i have 2 other chatfics i need to write but why would i complete my wips? let’s just make an
entirely new one instead! surely that’ll solve my problems!…
 Chapter 1
Chapter by kora_1

stelle added march 7th, Dan Heng, bronya rand , ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH,
✨ sampo koski✨ , PITCH DARK HOOK THE
GREAT!!!!!!!!, natasha, pela, gepard, serval and clara and mr. svarog! into the group
Dan Heng: wtf
bronya rand : care to explain what this is for
natasha: @PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!! who gave you a phone
PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!!: why would i tell you? old witch
PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!!: sampo told me to keep it a secret
natasha: @✨ sampo koski✨ ?????
✨ sampo koski✨ : ahahahaha
✨ sampo koski✨ left the group
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: GET YOUR BITCHASS OVER HERE YOU
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH added ✨ sampo koski✨ into
the group
✨ sampo koski✨ : ,,,,,, o heross of belogbog,, x c come save
ur old pal
march 7th: ew
Dan Heng: no thanks
stelle: gay
✨ sampo koski✨ : ????? what., doe sthat mean the
✨ sampo koski✨ : whyhurt my , cfeelings
serval: type normally for gods sake im gonna have a stroke smh my head
stelle: me when i shake my head my head
serval: says the one who goes dumpster diving every 3 days
bronya: good morning ☀️ hope you all have a wonderful day ️
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: damn you suck at typing
pela: how do you build a bomb
march 7th: pela wtf
pela: asking for a friend
stelle: you have no friends
pela: ok fine its for my fanfic you ignoramus
bronya rand : can i read it when it comes out
pela: no *hisses at u*
march 7th: cringe
pela: i will kill your family
march 7th: lol too bad idk who they are
gepard: hi
serval: hi lil geppie
✨ sampo koski✨ : hi lil geppie
gepard: do you two have a death wish
✨ sampo koski✨ : yea
serval: mmmmmmmaybe
stelle: mmmm tr ash c cnan ❤️ i lve trahs cnans
march 7th: you know sometimes i wonder how you arent dead yet
stelle: i am already dead. just inside
Dan Heng: you are not funny
pela: @bronya rand BRONBRON WHATS THE MOST EFFECTIVE FORM OF MURD
bronya rand : WHAT THE FUCK
natasha: shh no swearing. hook and clara are here
PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!!: fuck off
natasha: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE @bronya rand
PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!!: oh no i already knew how to swear
stelle: @Dan Heng why cant you be like seele or bronya
Dan Heng: ??? wtfdym
Dan Heng: and also why are you saying this now
stelle: im just saying you get absolutely ZERO bitches
natasha: no swearing
stelle: oh come on clara and hook arent online
clara and mr. svarog!: a, jsk!&: o kd
clara and mr. svarog!: sorry! (ﾟ∀ﾟ) mr. svarog tried to type on my ipad (^｡^)
natasha: @stelle DELETE YOUR MESSAGE
stelle: OH SHIT YOURE RIGHT IM SO SORRY
natasha: YOU DID IT AGAIN
stelle: FUCK
natasha: STELLE
stelle: AAAAAAA
stelle: HIW DO YOY
stelle: DELELTES YOUR MESSGANEGS
stelle: I CAN NEVER SHOW MY FACE HERE AGAIAN
Dan Heng: and you’re only saying this now?
stelle: meanie
PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!!: @clara and mr. svarog! PLEAS E CLARA JOIN
THE MOLES WE AHVE SNAKCS
clara and mr. svarog!: but i have to take care of the vagrants… (´；ω；`) sorry…
stelle: @bronya rand permission to call out every gay person here
bronya rand : permission granted. don’t make me regret this
stelle: thank you!!! anyway first up is BRONYA RAND
bronya rand : …permission revoked
stelle: nope anyway bronya rand is so in love w seele even dan heng knows
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: HEY
stelle: SAME WITH YOU SEELE
bronya rand : seele
bronya rand : do you like
bronya rand : have something to say to me
stelle: AND THE PLOT THICKENS
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH has left the group
stelle: DAMMIT
stelle added ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH to the group
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ILL KILL YOU ALL
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: AND ESPECIALLY YOU STELLE
bronya rand : even me?
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: uh
stelle: my job here is done
stelle: why do i hear footsteps
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im not one to go back on my promises now am i
stelle: HELP SHES GONNA MURDER ME
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: not murder, but something worse
stelle: ShE TOOK MY FUCKING BED
march 7th: your bed???? wow she strong
bronya rand : if shes so strong i wonder if she could carry me in her arms
bronya rand : i mean
bronya rand : how do you delete a message
march 7th: SCREENSHOTTED
stelle: excuse me this is MY moment bronya
bronya rand : and?
stelle: also i have never seen you actually be yourself for once just saying
bronya rand : are you bring sarcastic
stelle: anyway second up is sampo. to nobody’s surprise
stelle: that asshole still owes me a bottled soda
✨ sampo koski✨ : come on my good pal, why can’t you be a
little more lenient to your old friend?
stelle: i haven’t beaten you to a pulp yet, so i’d consider that lenient
✨ sampo koski✨ : youre so mean sometimes
stelle: i know
march 7th: hey stelle what were you doing w sampo that involves a bottled soda
stelle: long story short, he scammed my ass
march 7th: he promised to give you a bottled soda as compensation??
stelle: (and some credits) but soda is tasty :(
Dan Heng: sometimes i wonder how you haven’t gotten swindled out of all your credits
✨ sampo koski✨ : you wound me!
stelle: just wait until i actually wound you you son of a gun
Dan Heng: is this the first time stelle has used a euphemism for swearing instead of just swearing
outright
march 7th: i think so
bronya rand : nobody has told me what this group chat is for since it started
 hahaha im bored
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

more mindless texting. the usual

march 7th: @stelle are bronya seele and sampo the only gay people here?? i thought there were
more
stelle: well theres ur mom
march 7th: i regret asking
march 7th: wait my mom isnt even in this gc
march 7th: who is my mom anyway???
stelle: uh
natasha: @PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!! please change your name to something else,
the author can never remember how many exclamation marks are in your username :)
PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!!: why should i?? i’m not listening to some random
person
natasha: hook :)
HOOK ☄️: fine
natasha: thank you hook
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: why is there no space between your name and the emojis im
tearing my hair out over this
HOOK ☄️: to annoy you
HOOK ☄️: also cuz it looks cooler
march 7th: wowowowo
stelle: pipe bomb
march 7th: so cool
stelle: i wonder what happens if i
march 7th: a
Dan Heng: ???
stelle: uh so you see theres a robot called hatsune miku
Dan Heng: no, don’t bother explaining
✨ sampo koski✨ : morning, my friends!
stelle: i fucked ur mom
✨ sampo koski✨ : aw, cmon pal, that was unnecessary!
stelle: so is your existence but sure whatever
march 7th: if you hate him so much why havent you blocked him
stelle: three words, easy to bully
march 7th: touchè
Dan Heng: it’s actually é, not è
march 7th: iT’s AcTuALLy- nobody cares
stelle: march being rude for the first time (real (not clickbait))????!!!??
Dan Heng: march is now crying in her room because she feels bad for me
stelle: lmao
march 7th: NO IM NOT
Dan Heng: she is sobbing very loudly
march 7th: DNAHENG
✨ sampo koski✨ : is our friend sad?~
stelle: if you use those squiggly lines one more time i will boil your teeth and make you eat them
✨ sampo koski✨ :w
✨ sampo koski✨ : what
serval: thats the most disturbing insult ive ever seen
stelle: you havent seen SHIT yet
✨ sampo koski✨ : our dms could probably get stelle into jail,
just saying
stelle: try me bitch
✨ sampo koski✨ : HEY speaking of, why am i the bad guy??
you’ve committed your fair bit of crimes, haven’t you pal??
stelle: i’m the main character obviously
march 7th: well that also explains how you haven’t died of garbage poisoning
gepard: why do i feel like im the only person with any semblance of a brain here
Dan Heng: you get used to it
✨ sampo koski✨ : AYYY CAPATAIN!!!
gepard: Your message failed to send.
✨ sampo koski✨ : DONT IGNORE ME
gepard: Your message failed to send.
✨ sampo koski✨ : @gepard @gepard @gepard @gepard
@gepard @gepard @gepard @gepard @gepard @gepard @gepard
stelle: why dont you two just get married already LMAOO
gepard: ???
march 7th: cocoa coloa
Dan Heng: what
march 7th: hi danny dan dan
Dan Heng: why havent i blocked you yet
march 7th: mr yang forces us to not block anyone on the express
HOOK ☄️: i wanan eat somethingggg old witch pleaee make me a snakc
natasha: you just ate
natasha: you also stole the other kids’ food
march 7th: pilk. pepsi milk
stelle: *physically recoils*
✨ sampo koski✨ : oh? stelle roleplaying?
stelle: *murders you*
stelle: *throws you into the sea*
✨ sampo koski✨ : sea?? what sea? ??? im in the underworld,
didn’t you forget?~
stelle: @bronya rand permission to
stelle: to murder
stelle: pwease
bronya rand : no, and also never say pwease again
stelle: its to murder smapo tho
bronya rand :…
march 7th:
bndndjikqijsjhhwhbebkdkijghbvbbvvvhahajqiiqjwjsbbdjfdkdnndososjrbwhqioajz)81sjjs$2&&
sjjahb
gepard: is this some code??
march 7th: chese
march 7th: chedar chesee
march 7th: happy bithedsy to you
march 7th: hapy bithdat to you
march 7th: happy bitrth dya haply bitrhday haply birthsay to yku
pela: what the fudgw
march 7th: why are the plants diyeing i gave them wraerter every day :(((
Dan Heng: you gave them milk
Dan Heng: because you wanted them to grow taller
Dan Heng: dumbass
march 7th:
stelle: speaking of milk, where tf do you get your milk?? i have seen ZERO cows across the 2
planets we’ve visited
Dan Heng: don’t question herta’s ways
serval: noddles
gepard: what are noddles
serval: ramne noodles
serval:
serval: slurp slurp son of a BITCH
march 7th: ggfjsjbd some skittlesssss s but i donwanna pay for themmmmm
march 7th: and thereone at the storrrrre and ssjbdjdndhdk came up to me was likr
march 7th: put that baaaaaaack
march 7th: anthenhe grab my arm and iw as like
march 7th: dont touche mememeeee
Dan Heng: what
stelle: that meme died years ago smh get better material
march 7th: rude
 i have no idea what im doing
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

the entire gc goes crazy. as usual.

Chapter Notes

i have zero motivation so i just write whatever my monkey brain thinks of

march 7th: AS I WAS SAYING stelle is the most bitchless person i know, she keeps flirting with
the trash cans
stelle: ok but what if you considered that the trash cans liked me back??!??!?!
march 7th: dot dot dot
Dan Heng: the omission from speech or writing of a word or words that are superfluous or able to
be understood from contextual clues.
"it is very rare for an ellipsis to occur without a linguistic antecedent"
stelle: what
march 7th: nerd
Dan Heng: i just copied it from google. dot dot dot.
march 7th: DAN i swear to GOD
march 7th: ALSO WHATS AN ANTECENDEMENT
Dan Heng: *antecedent
march 7th: >:(
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: shield is such a weird currency name. like imagine if they meant
actual shields
“that’ll be 50 shield”
*lugs a massive bag with the sound of clanking metal*
stelle: you never text like this wtf seele
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yea youre right i stole this from bronya rambling in her sleep
pela: ur all so silly
gepard: pela what does that mean
gepard: pela
pela: ell oh ell
stelle: EVERYONE SHUT YP I AM LISTENING TO MUSIC
march 7th: @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle
stelle: SOTP
stelle: why can t someone dance w me to merry go round of life ☹️☹️
march 7th: you can get the trash cans to dance with you
gepard: what the hell is a merry go round of life
stelle: smh you wouldn’t understand
bronya rand : sampo hasnt been online for a while
stelle: i stole his phone lol
serval: how
march 7th: GUYS THW OLDEST BREED OF CAT IS CALLED THE WGYPTIAN MAU
march 7th: ITS CALLED A MAU BECUASE THEATS THE SOUND CATS MAKE
march 7th: PLEASE DANDAN CAN WE ADOPT A CAT ILL TAKE CARE OF IT
march 7th: I SENT A PHOTO OF A CAT TO YOU IN DMS
march 7th: @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan
Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng
@Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng @Dan Heng
Dan Heng: we have peppy
march 7th: BUT PEPPY IS ASTAS DOG
march 7th: PLEASE TELL HIMEKO TO GET ME A CAT
Dan Heng: can’t you do it yourself?
serval: ok but stelle how tf did you steal sampos phone
stelle: he just gave it to me
stelle: so i took it
✨ sampo koski✨ : its mine now
march 7th: eat the phone
natasha: dont
stelle: i deleted the app store
serval: you can do that??
stelle: yes
pela: im tired
bronya rand : go to sleep
pela: no,, i have to finish,, the fic todayg
pela: pls bronbron can you make me some coofee
bronya rand : you haven’t slept in 2 days
pela: fine ill,,, brew my own coffee
bronya rand : help pela is brewing her coffee with monster energy
march 7th: CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
bronya rand : guys i think pela died
stelle: can i
stelle: can i beat her conscious
stelle: with a baseball bat
bronya rand : no
stelle: :(
pela: i have transcended my mortal shackles, fear me
pela: ok now time to continue writing
natasha: remember to not overdose on caffeine, pela
pela: ok nat
Dan Heng: youre gonna get burnt out
pela: but,,,,, but my readers,,,,,,,,
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: shut up about your readers i beg you
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: get your ass to sleep
serval: what seele said
✨ sampo koski✨ : I GOT MY PHONE BACK! missed me?~
stelle: no
march 7th: no
Dan Heng: no
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no
bronya rand : no
gepard: no
serval: no
natasha: no
HOOK ☄️: no
clara and mr. svarog!: no ^ - ^
pela: no
✨ sampo koski✨ : what did i do to you guys
stelle: everything.
✨ sampo koski✨ : am i really that bad
gepard: yes
✨ sampo koski✨ : come on you guys, admit that you like
seeing me
✨ sampo koski✨ : come on
gepard: over my dead body i will
✨ sampo koski✨ : so if i kill you
gepard: no
 is gepard gay or european
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

chapter too hectic to write a summary, sorry

Chapter Notes

ao3 crashed on me when i tried to post this for the first time

stelle: guys someone kick geppie out for now

serval: ok
serval has removed gepard from the group
stelle: guys can you quickly listen to the song “there, right there!”
march 7th: what
Dan Heng: count me out
stelle: FUCK NO youre gonna be a part of this whether you like it or not
stelle: ugh fine ill send you the link
stelle: [pretend i sent a link to the song]
stelle: so like i have a plan
stelle: and so we like
serval: do a lyric prank? say less
pela: what
stelle: wow youre actually alive
pela: barely
Dan Heng: and what happens if one of us messes up the lyrics
stelle: just google them
Dan Heng: ok i guess
stelle: serval
serval added gepard to the group
Dan Heng: [pretend he copypasted the entire lyrics here because i dont wanna clog up the chapter
too much]
gepard: what the fuck
gepard: i mean
gepard: what
stelle: FUKC YOU DAN HENG
Dan Heng: i did what you told me to
stelle: YOU KNOW THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT DUMBASS IM GONNA EAT YOUR
DATA BANK
Dan Heng: what
march 7th: whats this “lyric prank” for??
stelle: only serval and i know
serval: heh
stelle: hehe
march 7th: this song sucks
stelle: its because you arent gay or european smh
gepard: are you trying to say you think im gay
serval: you already know, geppie
gepard: fuck you
serval: fuck YOU
pela: is this what siblings do
serval: yes
serval: you get used to it
serval: @gepard YOUR POSTERS LOOK LIKE SHIT
gepard: oh
stelle: sigh TAKE TWO
stelle: there, right there!
serval: WE’RE NO STRANGERS TO LOVE
march 7th: I SEE A LITTLE SILHOUETTO OF A MAN
stelle: i hate you all
bronya rand : …jingle bells
bronya rand : jingle bells
bronya rand : jingle all the way
natasha: go to sleep
natasha: like seriously
natasha: this isn’t a song, its 2 in the morning what are you all doing here
HOOK ☄️: what are YOU doing here
Dan Heng: you are all insane
stelle: i know
✨ sampo koski✨ : i get that a lot
stelle: ok sam
✨ sampo koski✨ : my name is five letters long
✨ sampo koski✨ : is it that difficult to type it
stelle: well i dont like you
✨ sampo koski✨ : tell me something i dont know
serval: @stelle do you not have a room in the astral express?? where tf do you sleep
stelle: in the dumpster
serval: very funny
stelle: im not joking
natasha: if you bite a snake and you die, it’s poisonous. if a snake bites you and you die, it’s
venomous.
serval: what if it bites me and it dies
march 7th: then youre poisonous, duh
march 7th: did you even read what nat typed
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what if it bites itself and i die
stelle: thats voodoo
pela: what if it bites me and someone else dies
Dan Heng: that’s correlation, not causation
bronya : what if we bite each other and neither of us die
✨ sampo koski✨ : thats kinky
stelle: im revoking your speaking privileges
✨ sampo koski✨ : im typing, not speaking
stelle: dont try me
pela: @natasha …did you steal this from tumblr
natasha: whats tumblr
stelle: guys should we bother doing a take 3
serval: yes
pela: no
gepard: what do you mean by “take 3”
serval: shut up
gepard: we used to be friends
serval: i was dumb back then, simple
gepard: you’re still dumb
serval: die
gepard: you die
serval: no YOU die
march 7th:
bronya rand : oh pela can write a fan fiction about this
pela: fanfiction. its one word
pela: also no i will not
stelle: do you use wattpad or ao3
pela: wattpad
stelle: oh.
stelle: ok
pela: STELLE BLOCKED ME
serval: LMAOO
gepard: you’re not laughing in real life
serval: just type irl please i beg you
natasha: goodnight
march 7th: good MORNING. its 2:30am
march 7th: nat pls say im funny
Dan Heng: natasha is asleep, are you illiterate
stelle: so ARE WE DOING A TAKE 3 OR NOT
gepard: WHAT IS A TAKE 3
serval: WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING
natasha: SCREAMING IS BAD FOR YOUR THROAT
✨ sampo koski✨ : PEE IS STORED IN THE
stelle: SHUT IT
bronya rand : @pela so i checked this “wattpad” you speak of, and this is definitely a new k
trauma
pela: it’s what wattpad does best
bronya rand : how mentally scarred are you on a scale of 1 to 10
pela: yep
bronya rand : ??? i asked for a number
pela: smh this would be the perfect time to give you my number but
1. you already have it
2. im married to fictional men in tears of themis
bronya rand : you can add it in your
bronya rand : fan fiction
pela: DAMN YOU BRONYA
pela: ITS ONE WORD
bronya rand : IM SORrY IM NOT AS UNHINGED AS YOU??? WTF DO YOU WANT M
TO SAY
march 7th: did you know peeps collabed with pepsi
stelle: yes
stelle: i hate it
pela: @stelle unblock me
serval: she blocked you girl she cant see your message
pela: ss my message and send it to stelle then
serval: thats not gonna work
pela: pls
serval: ok
pela: she still hasnt unlbocked me :(((
serval: be patient for once
pela: i am patient
pela: @stelle pls
stelle: what
pela: yay
stelle: what do you want
stelle: im busy eatinf trash
pela: i want to sleep
stelle: ??? THEN GO TO SLEEP?????
stelle: dont say anything about your readers
pela: fine
pela: fuck you and see you tomorrow
stelle: thanks
 one two three one two three drink
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

listen i have no idea where the plot goes anymore lmao my train of thought is OFF
THE RAILS :’)

Chapter Notes

he is gay and european

belobog/jarilo-VI
serval: can anyone dance here
stelle: oh hell yea i can
stelle: one two three
stelle: one two three drink
stelle: one two three
stelle: one two three drink
serval: ???
stelle: one two three
stelle: one two three drink
stelle: throw them back till i lose count
stelle: IIIIIIIIIIM GONNA SWIIIIIIIING FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIIIER
march 7th: stelle is actually singing this as she types
march 7th: help
stelle: FROM THE CHANDELIIIIIIIEEEEEER
march 7th: im pretty sure you guys in yareelo six can hear her from here
Dan Heng: *Jarilo-VI
march 7th: whatever its funnier
HOOK ☄️: its spelled belogbog
HOOK ☄️: belgobog
HOOK ☄️: blegobog
HOOK ☄️: jarilo 6
stelle: lmao
march 7th: ö
march 7th: look at him
march 7th: he a suprised
Dan Heng: *surprised
march 7th: supised
Dan Heng: …
✨ sampo koski✨ : no cash?
stelle: no bitches?
march 7th: no memory?
Dan Heng: no emotion?
bronya rand : no self esteem?
natasha: do you guys
natasha: do you guys need therapy
stelle: yes
HOOK ☄️: im boooooooredddddd
HOOK ☄️: @stelle do you have games on your phone
stelle: no
stelle: go bother nat
natasha: …no
pela: read my new fic please i feed off of your comments like a fish eating algae off the walls
natasha: whats a fish
pela: glub glub
natasha: that explains nothing
pela: i know
pela: do you think i know what a fish is either
✨ sampo koski✨ : hes so stupid i wanna kiss him
gepard: who is he
✨ sampo koski✨ : seeya
✨ sampo koski✨ left the group
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: lmao
pela: good evening people time for breakfast
bronya rand : what
natasha: this is what monster-brewed coffee does to a girl
pela: MY READERS
stelle: WHO READS YOUR SHIT ANYWAY
pela: I HAVE NO IDEA
stelle: lmao sam texted me
stelle: [pretend stelle sent an image with a text saying “please add me back my old friend??”]
stelle: im not adding him back
gepard: wait, add him back
gepard: i need to
gepard: interrogate him
serval: via text??
gepard: yes
bronya rand : isnt it more efficient to do it in person
gepard: yes
serval: you suck at lying
gepard: i’m not lying
pela: guys can you make me some coffee
pela: bronya banned me from making coffee
bronya rand : pela.
pela: hey stelle can you like
stelle: no
pela: H
march 7th: corn
march 7th: corn on cob
Dan Heng: you really should start a cooking show
Dan Heng: “Disastrous Cooking with March”
march 7th: i eat raw corn
march 7th: no need for cook
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: whats going on
serval: sometimes i wonder if someone possessed march when she talks about random food items
stelle: bambambambambambam bambam bam bambam bambambambam bambambam
serval: ???
stelle: shh im singing
serval: girl you suck
bronya rand : wow the subject changed so quickly
serval: can we go back to the previous one for the lols
gepard: no
serval: come on people we’re this close to cracking rhe code
gepard: what code
gepard: there is no code
gepard: shut up everyone
pela: ???
stelle: wow the cringe is strong
 it’s no longer “if you squint” anymore
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

may i present to you… gæ

Chapter Notes

HAPPY 1000 HITS!! to celebrate i made another chapter today lol

stelle: soda
stelle: i nened ym btolled soda pleasw
natasha: it’s the middle of the night, also why do you text like you’re having a stroke
stelle: its what sleep derpiveation does to a gril
natasha: sleep deprivation is linked to heart disease, kidney disease, depression, obesity, etc
stelle: cool
natasha: ok you flaky bitch if you want to die thats on you
stelle: oh
natasha: sorry, my cat walked on my phone :)
stelle: i
stelle: i could honestly believe that
gepard: morning, keep your friends close but your enemies closer
serval: is that why i saw you make out w your enemy
stelle: AYOO
natasha: that was… uncalled for
gepard: SERVAL
pela: ahahah
pela: heh
pela: i think i should leave
pela: i really think i should leave before this turns into an all out war
bronya rand : you can make a fanfiction out of this
pela: YOU SAID IT RIGHT
stelle: okok i just HAVE to bring sam back to see this LMAO
serval: DO IT
gepard: i swear to qlipoth
stelle added ✨ sampo koski✨ to the group
✨ sampo koski✨ : i’m back!
stelle: yea ok sam nobody cares now scroll up
✨ sampo koski✨ : oh my
gepard: serval what have you done
serval: you a favor
gepard: this is the opposite of a favor
HOOK ☄️: ᶦ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ʷʰᵃᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ
march 7th: himeko come pick me up im scared
bronya rand : whos himeko
Dan Heng: this whole group chat is going to go south very soon
march 7th: just say gonna
Dan Heng: No.
gepard: i’m going to kill all of you
✨ sampo koski✨ : that’s hot
gepard: that’s murder
pela: you are all crazy. insane. delusional. batty. bizarre. mad. deranged. idiotic. irrational.
irresponsible.
stelle: is that thesaurus dot com
pela: i write fanfiction. of course it is
stelle: touché
 cloudy or clear?
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

first half of this chapter is mindless rambling. the second half is also mindless
rambling

Chapter Notes

thanks for the 69 kudos as of writing this!! it means a lot to me when people write
comments and kudos my work :)

pela: i
pela: i finally finished the fic
stelle: how much sanity did you sacrifice for it
pela: …yes
march 7th: why is a three pronged fork called a fork when it should be a threek
Dan Heng: because it came from the Old English word forca, which was based off of the Latin
word furca (meaning pitchfork) but i know someone as stupid as you wouldn’t be able to read text
more than 2 lines long
march 7th: >:(
Dan Heng: i stand corrected
serval: dan heng, you really are quite harsh towards march
gepard: you told to die once via text
gepard: might i add; you were right next to me
serval: yeah
serval: i never said i was any better
natasha: what are you all drinking, GO
stelle: the blood of my enemies.
march 7th: juice
serval: there are two types of people
✨ sampo koski✨ : stolen wine
gepard: …
gepard: apple juice
march 7th: ok but is it cloudy or clear
march 7th: if you think clear is better than cloudy you are a psychopath
gepard: oh FUCK no clear is WAY better than cloudy CHANGE. MY. MIND
march 7th: FIGHT ME
stelle: woah that escalated
serval: yea
✨ sampo koski✨ : FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
natasha: DON’T ENCOURAGE THEM
stelle: one of them is gonna end up dead
stelle: so guys, donuts or doughnuts
Dan Heng: it’s like you want another person to end up dead
march 7th: I WIN
gepard: no you dont
gepard: i won the uno match
natasha: oh so it was uno
stelle: ugh booring
stelle: why didn’t you two actually fight to the death
serval: neither of them would deal enough damage to make a dent in either of their shields
serval: duh
march 7th: DAMN YUO STELLE
serval: ?
march 7th: stelle played never gonna give you up on the phonograph
serval: oh
✨ sampo koski✨ : WE’RE NO STRANGERS TO LOVE
march 7th: sam.
✨ sampo koski✨ :…
march 7th: this, ladies and gents, is the foolproof technique to get sam to shut up
gepard: could use that, thanks
✨ sampo koski✨ : ,,,,,,why does almost everyone hate me,,,
,c,,,,
stelle: why not
✨ sampo koski✨ : @gepard pls vouch for me
gepard: no
Dan Heng: deep exhale
Dan Heng: deep inhale
march 7th: its ok dandan murder is only illegal if they find out
Dan Heng: come again?
pela: whats the colored part of an eyeball called
Dan Heng: all parts of your eye are colored, if you really think about it
stelle: its called an eyebrow
serval: IRIS
serval: are you all STUPID
stelle: yes
 pelas poison coffee
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

pela drinks monster brewed coffee. again

Chapter Notes

sorry for the shorter chapter i was out of motivation also should i start another honkai
star rail acc?? comment 1 if yes and 2 if no thank you :D

pela: does anypne want some of my monster-brewed coffe

gepard: thats called poison
pela: it cofe
gepard: it’s poison
pela: if it works it works
✨ sampo koski✨ : so its a 2-in-1?
gepard: no
gepard: if it was, i’d give it to you and then drink it
✨ sampo koski✨ : we’d both die??? how romantic
gepard: death is not romantic
march 7th: yeah but
march 7th: ykw forget it
pela: im still alive you blind ass table legs
bronya rand : good morning
bronya rand : @pela what did i say about your coffee
pela: …
pela: see you all tomorrow
bronya rand : i better
pela: ahaha would you look at the time!!! i have to get on the astral express now bye bronbron
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i have to get on the express too
pela: oh
bronya rand : @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH why dont you call me bronbron like pela d
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i dont listen to overworld princesses
bronya rand :…
Dan Heng: morning
march 7th: i wonder wholl be the first person here to type in proper english
Dan Heng: Not you, that’s for sure.
march 7th: was betting on dandan, bronya or gepard
Dan Heng: how much
march 7th: 3 credits
march 7th: now pay up
Dan Heng: no
stelle: ᶜʰᵒᵒ ᶜʰᵒᵒ
pela: writers blcok suckks
stelle: ok
✨ sampo koski✨ : hey guys i stole some 500 year old cursed
wine that killed its owner
march 7th: CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
✨ sampo koski✨ : i already did
stelle: good, now i have my work cut out for me
Dan Heng: are you trying to kill him
Dan Heng: not like i’m against it, but still
serval: guys i think he died
stelle: ABOUT FUCKING TIME
march 7th: oh how i long to run away into a forest and make friends with the bugs
stelle: thats called being gay
march 7th: what
 the dutch word for a bassoon.
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

the entire chapter is gay

Chapter Notes

this is my most popular fic yet also im so sorry for all my bronseele shippers out
there bc i completely sweeped them under the rug for this entire thing

See the end of the chapter for more notes

pela: guys guess what the dutch word for bassoon is

Dan Heng: what caused you to know the dutch word for a bassoon
serval: sigh
stelle: gonna go google it brb
stelle: …
march 7th: what is it stelle
march 7th: what is it
pela: its
gepard: pela, no
natasha: DON’T SAY IT
Dan Heng: sometimes i think landing on jarilo-VI was a mistake
natasha: you don’t say
stelle: ok but my trash cans
bronya rand : of course, the only redeeming quality of belobog is the damn trash cans
stelle: yea
gepard: i need qlipoth to strike me down this instant
stelle: well that was random
✨ sampo koski✨ : i have a recording of his singing and im
gonna make it my ringtone
stelle: @gepard rip bozo
gepard: son of a bitch
march 7th: is a hot dog a sandwich
stelle: it is a taco
Dan Heng: it is, according to google:
a frankfurter, especially one served hot in a long, soft roll and topped with various condiments.
march 7th: that doesn’t answer shit
stelle: march 7th says a bad word?!?!?
serval: lets play simon says
stelle: sure but dont tell me to stop eating trash
serval: simon says stop eating trash @stelle
stelle: FUCK YOU
clara and mr. svarog!: hello!（＾ω＾）
serval: HIIII CLARA!!!!!!!!!!! (^o^)
clara and mr. svarog!: hello big sister serval! ( ◠‿◠ ) thank you for lending me some parts to fix
robots! ^_^
serval: YOURE WWLCOME!!!!! o(^▽^)o
serval: anyway simon says confess. @gepard
gepard: confess what?? i haven’t committed any crimes
serval: you little shit
serval: you are one of the DENSEST PEOPLE ALIVE
serval: DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU
serval: CONFESS TO S A M
✨ sampo koski✨ : oh my~
stelle: i hate you
✨ sampo koski✨ : also, you never boiled my teeth like you
said so, did you?
stelle: i hate you even more now, how dare you acknowledge that
gepard: …
natasha: this is the loudest silence i have ever heard
Dan Heng: *seen
natasha: you can hear silence though, right?
Dan Heng: silence is literally the absence of sound
natasha: you know what i’m saying, no need to overcomplicate things
gepard: i never agreed to play simon says @serval
serval: …
stelle: does anyone want lasagna that i made
stelle: i made lasagna for dinner for the astral express once trust me
Dan Heng: i think it is important to note that she is now forbidden from the Express’ kitchen
stelle: it didnt taste that bad right????
Dan Heng: you made it out of literal trash
Dan Heng: everyone who ate it got food poisoning afterwards
Dan Heng: you also pronounced lasagna like how it was spelled
Dan Heng: which probably further intensified the symptoms of food poisoning
serval: AS WE WERE SAYING
serval: get on with it geppie
gepard: get on with what
serval: OH MY FUCKING GOD
serval: listen i get that you suppress your feelings often but COME ON
pela: the burn is so slow it never actually burns
stelle: REAL
natasha: its been eight chapters and this is the ninth, the readers are waiting @gepard
pela: you’re confusing the rest of the gc members
pela: best we don’t talk about it
march 7th: ??? talk abour what??????
natasha: forget it
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yikes yall are really cringe
natasha: who
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: everyone currently online
natasha: …
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: except nat
gepard: serval keeps pestering me in dms and i know its going to drive me insane one day if this
keeps up
gepard: so fine i like sam.
 ✨ sampo koski✨ : i know
march 7th: we know
gepard: …what
march 7th: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW WE KNEW???? WHY ELSE WOULD YOU BE THAT
OBVIOUS
gepard: I WAS OBVIOUS??
natasha: yes, very
pela: aaand its burning. still very slowly tho
stelle: baby steps ig
gepard: i am older than the both of you
serval: i don’t think you understand what “baby steps” means
serval: anywho, i think this calls for a celebration
gepard: what are you going to name it, “my brother is gay”??
serval: probably
HOOK ☄️: am i invited
serval: uhh sure!!
HOOK ☄️: YES
✨ sampo koski✨ : can i come??
serval: no
✨ sampo koski✨ : WHAT????
✨ sampo koski✨ : THIS MAKES NO SENSE
serval: jfc fine
✨ sampo koski✨ : can i bring alcohol
serval: sure
serval: but i feel like this is a very tame request for someone like you
✨ sampo koski✨ : and smoke bombs
serval: there it is
serval: anyway see you next week at the gay party
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: THE GAY PARTY
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: can bronya and i come
serval: sure
stelle: can i bring lasagna
Dan Heng: no
pela: im kinda curious about what food poisoning feels like
Dan Heng: no you aren’t

Chapter End Notes

will i write the gay party? maybe but also maybe not because
1. i am lazy
2. it is set in the real world
3. dunno how to write parties
 everyone hates the party
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

i think this is tied with chapter 9 as the cringiest chapters ive written

Chapter Notes

late update but whatever lmao

march 7th: yo serval whats this funky juice

serval: THATS COOKING OIL
march 7th: WHY DO YOU HAVE COOKING OIL WHERE ALL THE DRINKS ARE
serval: I DIDNT?????
serval: WHO THE FUCK PUT THEB COOKTINNG OIL THE DAY BEOFRE
WIHT THENDRINKE SIM GONNA KILL H TH ME
Dan Heng: why would you prepare the drinks the day before?
✨ sampo koski✨ : haha
✨ sampo koski✨ :h
✨ sampo koski✨ : WAIT SHIT SHES AT MY DOORSTEP
HELEP
stelle: sam why arent you outtside
stelle: go touch grass smh
✨ sampo koski✨ : YOU DONT
UNDERSTRSASBDNDDDSSH
march 7th: hes having a stronke
march 7th: call an ambulonke
✨ sampo koski✨ : It TKAES ME ONE HORUS
MITNINMUM TO PREPARE MYSLELF TO GO OTUSIDE
Dan Heng: physically or mentally?
✨ sampo koski✨ : ??????
pela: sam i cant fucking read qhat youre typing
natasha: morning! i brought hook with me :)
stelle: HI DOCTOR NATADHAH
serval: good morning natasha! :)
✨ sampo koski✨ : SERVAL TRIED TO KILL ME
natasha: good
✨ sampo koski✨ : HWTA
HOOK ☄️: HLEOOOOOO !!2!$3
gepard: good afternoon
serval: its 10am
✨ sampo koski✨ : hellloooooo captain
gepard: fuck off
serval: sometimes i want to strangle my past self who planned this shitshow
gepard: you could’ve just
gepard: cancelled it
serval: my mom didnt raise a quitter
stelle: she raised 2 gay people tho
serval: yea
march 7th: DAMN YOU STELLE
stelle: hehe
march 7th: STELLE OLAYED NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP ON THE SPEAKERS
serval: im getting deja vu rn
march 7th: yea because this actually happened before
gepard: you all have the maturity of kids in primary school
HOOK ☄️: since lemonade is made of lemons
HOOK ☄️: whats gatorade made of
Dan Heng: Water, Sugar, Dextrose, Citric Acid, Salt, Sodium Citrate, Monopotassium Phosphate,
Gum Arabic, Natural Flavor, Sucrose Acetate Isobutyrate, Glycerol Ester of Rosin, Yellow 6
march 7th: you just googled that didnt you
Dan Heng: correct
HOOK ☄️: no its made of gators
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: this party lame as hell
serval: i know
stelle: why are we out in the snow plains wtf couldn’t you at least get a spot somewhere else
march 7th: now that you say that its freezing out here
serval: survival of the fittest
natasha: no
Dan Heng: i hate it here
serval: in the snow plains or in this gc
Dan Heng: both
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ?? then leave lmao
Dan Heng: i could, but this has become part of my daily routine at this point
serval: im cancelling this party thing early go home now
clara and mr. svarog!: i just got here… (・Д・)
 driving to therapyland but the car crashes midway
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

pela eats vaseline (does this count as a sickfic now) and natasha tries to therapy (it
does not work)

Chapter Notes

trying out a new way of formatting the text

pela: why does vaseline have to look soooo tasty

natasha: do not eat vaseline

pela: munch munch

march 7th: where’d my vaseline go

natasha: PELA

Dan Heng: what is with this group chat and eating inedible items

stelle: FUCK YOU MY LASGANASF WASNT THAT BAD

march 7th: it was

march 7th: it was really really bad

Dan Heng: i never referred to your sorry excuse of a lasagna explicitly, did i? what makes you
think that i was insulting you?

stelle: YOU LITERALLY INSULTED ME RIGHT THERE

Dan Heng: i know

serval: sometimes i feel like im stupid and then i remember everyone else in this gc exists

Dan Heng: you’re also stupid

serval: i knwo

stelle: why is “get help” an insult but “break a leg” isnt

serval: oh shit youre right

pela: i ate too much vaseline

pela: now i feel funky

natasha: go to the hospital

pela: vaseline websitr said it non toxic

pela: feel kinda funky tho

pela: ill probably just sleep on it lol

gepard: pela.

pela: im jsyst a little silly

serval: @march 7th is the 7th in your name like a hierarchy

march 7th: no??

stelle changed march 7th’s username to march VII

march VII: change it back

stelle: make me

march VII: YOU

stelle changed march VII’s username to march 7th

march 7th: good

✨ sampo koski✨ : im bored i wanna do smth stupid

serval: everything you do is stupid

✨ sampo koski✨ : youre right but fuck you

natasha: buckle up everyone we’re going on a field trip to therapyland

gepard: i’m not a child

serval: THIS IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH YOU. YOU ALWUAYS TKAE
EVEYRHING AT FACE VALUE YOU LITTLE SHIT

natasha: …

pela: blinks

serval: anyway yes natasha! :) let’s go!

natasha: soo story time? anyone?

✨ sampo koski✨ : i saw a man die before my eyes

natasha: oh
stelle: rip bozo

gepard: stelle.

✨ sampo koski✨ : aww the captain defending me!?????

gepard: …

natasha: @stelle we need to work on your emotional vulnerability

stelle: FUCK NO

stelle: i dont need therapy im gay

march 7th: says the bitch that cries in her room while playing mitski on full blast “i dont need
therapy” stfu

stelle: oh

pela: i have seen god once after drinking too much of my special coffee

gepard: *poison

natasha: you guys are traumatized jesus christ

stelle: what do you expect lol

serval: who wants to overthrow the government and kill a god with me

bronya rand : wait what

gepard: wait what

stelle: wait “wait what” what

natasha: wait “wait “wait what” what” what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im gonna have a stroke

march 7th: i have a headache just looking at this

gepard: that’s called being mentally unwell because your brain is unwell

natasha: no, mentally unwell doesn’t mean that

serval: @gepard YOURE mentally unwell

natasha: i give up
 sunday night? evening?? this chapter has no specific time
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

seele dan heng and gepard are fed up

Chapter Notes

SORRY FOR NO UPDATES YESTERDAY I WAS BUSY THANSKKS!!1&

stelle: how come its sunday night already i dont remember saturday ever happening

march 7th: so can i just feed you false info and youll believe it

Dan Heng: thats not how forgetting works

Dan Heng: i thought you of all people would know

serval: good evening gay people

gepard: …good evening?

clara and mr. svarog!: good evening everyone! ^_^

stelle: you guys are so fucking boring

serval: EXCUSE ME???

serval: how fucking dare you

serval: nobody talks to clara like that

stelle: OH MY GOD CLARA?? IM SO SORYRYR

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @pela do you mind giving me your coffee

gepard: you’ll die

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: exactly

natasha: no

pela: bronya barricaded my coffee machine :(

stelle: L
Dan Heng: we have a working coffee machine on the express, you just have to obtain himeko’s
permission

natasha: DONT ENCOURAGE HER

✨ sampo koski✨ : good evenigng. !!!!,

stelle: KILL YOURSLEF

natasha: don’t because i’m already overworked

✨ sampo koski✨ : oh

serval: ratio

gepard: …i can fix him

stelle: lmao no tf you cant

gepard: serval took my phone, sorry for any confusion

serval: HEY

Dan Heng: don’t lie

gepard: i’m not lying

serval: he is

gepard: stop lying

serval: YOU stop lying

bronya rand : audible sigh

march 7th: speaking of audible i’d like to take a minute to thank today’s sponsor

Dan Heng: nobody would want to sponsor this catastrophe

march 7th: i know

gepard: what are you two talking about

march 7th: you wouldn’t understand

gepard: yes i would

Dan Heng: …moving on

march 7th: i took a picture of all your wanted posters lmao

pela: WHAT

gepard: were they good?

stelle: they uh
serval: :)

stelle: they were great

stelle: @serval please dont kill me seele still hasnt given me my bed back :(

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: your bed is way comfier than mine wtf
 KAHOTOOTOT
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

march tries to play kahoot but doesnt

Chapter Notes

should i actually make the kahoot game a chapter tomorrow?? yes i should

march 7th: LETS PLAY KAHOTO

march 7th: KAHOT

march 7th: KAHTOO

march 7th: KAHOOT

march 7th: first try

serval: whats kahoot

march 7th: ok so baiscally

march 7th: you liek make. aquiz

march 7th: and then you share tgat quizanf other peoeple can play it

serval: ok

serval: so did you prepare the quiz

march 7th: no

march 7th: make it youself

Dan Heng: keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll see a brain back there

march 7th: >:(

bronya rand : who wants to play chess

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: chess is boring as fuck

bronya rand :…
stelle: im amazing at chess

Dan Heng: she eats the pieces. we had to go to the hospital many times

bronya rand : you know what, i’ll just play chess with myself

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no way youre that fucking lonely

bronya rand : i used to play with my mother

✨ sampo koski✨ : just use a ouija board lmao wheres the

issue

natasha: read the room

✨ sampo koski✨ : i cant read

natasha: yes you can

gepard: hi everyone

stelle: your texting is drier than belobogs city walls wtf

gepard: what do you expect me to say?

stelle: dunno

gepard: you aren’t helping

stelle: let me do it for you then

stelle: hello everyone! i put a bomb in your mailbox

natasha: what

pela: sharks don’t know that camels exist

stelle: put a camel underwater

stelle: that would probably work

pela: no

natasha: don’t

serval: wtf

HOOK ☄️: whats a shark

gepard: whats a camel

stelle: annsndhfbfbdbsnbdhsksndb

Dan Heng: ??

stelle: its a keyboard smash

Dan Heng: ok

Dan Heng: why do you do that

stelle: do i need a reason

Dan Heng: yes

stelle: youre no fun to be around

 march kahoot
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

march makes a kahoot and goes HORRIBLY WRONG (all questions except number 3
are up to reader interpretation, have fun)

march 7th: OK I GOT THE KAHOOTOT QUIZ SET UP NOW JOIN.

stelle: pin?

march 7th: 696 9696

serval: IM IN

pela: hehe

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: the avatars are so fucking ugly i wanna punch them

bronya rand : who is “throws hair into a messy bun”

Dan Heng: pela

pela: im surprised you know

gepard: whats a kahoot

march 7th: DUDE

march 7th: JUST JOIN THE DAMN KAHOOT

march 7th: ok ik i said join the kahoot but why did you make your name so boring

✨ sampo koski✨ : did someone say kahoot?~

march 7th: yes

✨ sampo koski✨ : whats a kahoot

march 7th: yes

march 7th: @serval why dont you explain it

stelle: KAHOTOYOYOYJTBDBT

Dan Heng: i heard that there’s a kahoot starting soon?

march 7th: YES

march 7th: JOIN

march 7th: THE CODE IS 696 9696

Dan Heng: you’re very immature, march

Dan Heng: …oh my god it worked

stelle: IM “TRAHS CANS<33333”

Dan Heng: because of course you are

✨ sampo koski✨ : ok i got in

march 7th: bitch who is “ ”

✨ sampo koski✨ :

pela: yikes

march 7th: ROLL CALL

march 7th: so serval, sam, gepard, pela, dandan, stelle and seele have joined

march 7th: the rest of you HURRY UP @bronya rand @HOOK ☄️ @

and mr. svarog! @natasha

clara and mr. svarog!: sorry, i can’t join ( ´Д`) i have to fix perkins!

march 7th: well that leaves the 3 of you

Dan Heng: @march 7th this isn’t a roll call

HOOK ☄️: JOIEND!!!!!

march 7th: PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!, i assume?

HOOK ☄️: YSEEEE!!!4!

bronya rand : no need to yell at me, i’ve joined

stelle: @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH @bronya rand no way you two are matching kah
names tf

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no

Dan Heng: you are

natasha: allow me to decline this kahoot, have fun playing :)

march 7th: GUYS GET IN THE VIDEO CALL

march 7th has started a group video call

march 7th: aaaaand START

gepard: HWHAT IS THIS FIRST QUESTTION

serval: i know what you are

gepard: NO STOP PICKGING BLUE

gepard: WHY IS IT CORRECT

gepard: MARCH

✨ sampo koski✨ : oh my~

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: smh gay people

bronya rand : …?

gepard: …next question please

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: THE SECIND QUESTION???

bronya rand : oh

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @march 7th any last words?

march 7th: lmao

march 7th: QUEsTION 3

Dan Heng: something unrelated to romance? what a surprise

pela: whats the oldest breed of cat???? girl idk

pela: lemme google it

pela: TIMES UP ALREADY?? this games rigged

stelle: mo lol you just suck

pela: you also got it wrong dumbass

stelle: shh

serval: what time is it for you at the express

Dan Heng: 10:23AM

stelle: time is a concept

march 7th: ITS MUFFIN TIME

serval: okay thanks dan heng

Dan Heng: why do you ask?

serval: idk

serval: i forgot

Dan Heng: ???

march 7th: next question

pela: WHAT THE FUCK

pela: MATHJ??????,

pela: THIS ISNT SHCOOLL

march 7th: bronya was the only one who got it right

march 7th: the rest of you just didnt answer

march 7th: cowards

stelle: I ANSWERED

march 7th: you were wrong tho

stelle: yea :(

gepard: yeah no, i’m going back to work

HOOK ☄️: this quiz sucks

march 7th: :(

Dan Heng: this feels like a fever dream

stelle: it is. wake up

Dan Heng: i would if i could

pela: respectfully die

serval: disrespectfully die

march 7th: i thought the opposite of respectful was respectempty

Dan Heng: …

march 7th: QUESTION 5

stelle: OMG TRASH CAN

pela: ok

march 7th: i stayed up all night to make this quiz

march 7th: im gonna collapse

stelle: shes gonna collapse

pela: me, an empath, noticing that shes gonna collapse

Dan Heng: she actually collapsed wtf

stelle: L

stelle: coward
stelle: collapses after pulling one all nighter smh

natasha: stelle

bronya rand : uh

Dan Heng: i think we should stop the kahoot

gepard: no shit
 pela goes mad
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

pela accidentally deletes the chapter she was working on for 5 days. chaos ensues

Chapter Notes

this chapter is based off of a true story :’) i deleted the original chapter 15 and made
this instead to cope, enjoy

pela: i just deleted the chapter that took me 5 days to write

pela: im gonna kms

stelle: DO A FLIP

natasha: NO

Dan Heng: can’t you just write it again?

pela: YOU DONT UNdeRSTAND

pela: I FORGOT HOW IT WENT

pela: AND I PROMISED MY READERS THAT ID UPDATE WEEKLY

pela: ITS BEEN NEARLY A WEEK IM GONNA QUIT ISTG

Dan Heng: just tell them you won’t update because you deleted the original chapter, where’s the
problem?

pela: …

pela: fuck youre right

Dan Heng: thanks?

pela: youre fucking welcome

bronya rand : should i give you a break?

pela: uhh idk

bronya rand : i’m taking that as a yes

pela: LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO

Dan Heng: why didn’t you just say yes the first time?

pela: idk

bronya rand : i can try to help you write your chapter

bronya rand : so tell me, what was it about?

pela: UHHHH THANSK BRONYA BUT ILL BE FINE

stelle: wtf are you writing

pela: THERES NO WAY IM SHOWING WHAT I WRITE TO BRONYA. SHES LITERSLLY

MY BOSS

march 7th: now im curious

pela: FUCK YUO

march 7th: HOLYSHIT THERES A FLY IN MY ROOM DAN HENH KILL IT @Dan Heng

Dan Heng: ??? you could’ve just asked me in person???

march 7th: FUCK YOU GET OVER HERE

march 7th: STAB IT WITH YOUR STAB STICK

Dan Heng: it’s called a spear

stelle: i eat children

HOOK ☄️: what

clara and mr. svarog!: ( ﾟдﾟ)

stelle: NONONONO CLARA I WAS JOKING I SWEAR

pela: why cant i just write the cool ending scene :( why do i have to write the beginning and middle
wtf this isnt fair

stelle: ikr

gepard: because that’s how writing works?

pela: ok but i have this really good ending part in my head and i wanna get to that part :((((

gepard: can’t help you

pela: ndjfkdnbbjrnfhisdd jenjwnsbd

stelle: ikr
 i know what you are
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

serval eats a glowstick and gay shit ensues

Chapter Notes

sorry for not updating yesterday i was touching grass (also i had no motivation)

clara and mr. svarog!: h

clara and mr. svarog! *hi ^_^

stelle: jklmnop

✨ sampo koski✨ : qrstuvwxyz

stelle: that took you 3 minutes to type

serval: the power went out in my workshop

serval: fortunately i ate a glowstick

natasha: what the hell

natasha: are you ok

serval: yea im fine lol

natasha: you never use that emoji no you arent

pela: blinks

Dan Heng: i bought chocolates for everyone in the Astral Express crew

march 7th: YOU DID???????

Dan Heng: everyone except march

march 7th: I HATE YOU

stelle: ill pass on the chocolates lmao i have trash

Dan Heng: because of course you do

march 7th: @stelle PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR CHOCOLATES PLEAse pLEASE PLEASEEE

stelle: no

serval: @✨ sampo koski✨ go to the food shop and make

them give me an iced milk

✨ sampo koski✨ : whag the fuck

✨ sampo koski✨ : the cable car is open go do it yoyrslef im

not going to taint my reputation

gepard: please do it or she’ll nag me too

✨ sampo koski✨ : of course darling anything for you

gepard: ????)?3;$3883)/)372& ???? EXUXCSES ME3)72???)2.’

✨ sampo koski✨ : youre cute when your flustered

gepard: SOTPT PELAVSGEJDBBFND

Dan Heng: *you’re

✨ sampo koski✨ :…

bronya rand : @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH this could be us

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no it could not

pela: @gepard you called?

stelle: me when i have a sotkre

stelle: A SOTKRME

stelle: A STORKE

stelle: A STROKE

stelle: first try

pela: gay people

pela: so silly

stelle: is it gay when i flirt w a trash can

Dan Heng: GO TO SLEEP STELLE

stelle: its daytime tho

Dan Heng: GO TO SLEEP

natasha: i’m going to the overworld do you guys need anything

stelle: therapy
Dan Heng: nothing

pela: MORE MAGAZINES

serval: an iced milk

march 7th: juice

✨ sampo koski✨ : 5 rats and a bottle of wine

natasha: nevermind

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what are you going to use the rats for

✨ sampo koski✨ : march wants a pet

march 7th: i was talking about cats you DUMBASS

✨ sampo koski✨ : they’re basically the same thing

bronya rand : …so we’re just going to gloss over the fact that serval ate a glowstick?

stelle: yea that happened a while ago

bronya rand : it happened one hour ago

stelle: your point being??

serval: time is a construct

Dan Heng: GO TO SLEEP

 mmmm fuhnky glowsitkck
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

serval faces the aftermath of eating a glowstick

pela: SERVAL DIED

stelle: ok

stelle: cheescake

stelle: cheesecake.jpg

pela: ok

stelle: ok

gepard: do none of you know how to hold up a conversation

serval: you cant fucking talk abouht not being able to hold a fucking conevroseneatiosn:&761

natasha: take serval to the clinic @ ✨ sampo koski ✨

✨ sampo koski ✨ : what am i, your errand boy????

natasha: yes
✨ sampo koski ✨ : fuck you

natasha: thanks for agreeing :)

✨ sampo koski ✨ : i never agreed

natasha: .

✨ sampo koski ✨ : yes natasha

stelle: the way your personality did a fucking 180

✨ sampo koski ✨ : idk man maybe its because i dont have a

death wish

stelle: you should

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what is wrong with you people

stelle: everything

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: figures

march 7th: the wayyyyyyy

march 7th: to celebraaaaaaate

serval: ill be waiiiiiiting

march 7th: till we make iiiiiiiiit

serval: till we maaaake iiiit

serval: how dare you steal my part

natasha: guys wheres serval

natasha: where is she

march 7th: the daaaaaaaay

march 7th: to celebraaaaaate

serval: ill be waitiiiiiing

serval: till we maaaaaake iiiiiiit

natasha: SERVAL LANDAU

march 7th: ooooooooooooooooohhhh

march 7th: we will see

gepard: come with me take the journey

✨ sampo koski ✨ : BOO

serval: kill yourself

stelle: kill yourself

✨ sampo koski ✨ : why are you so mean to me

Dan Heng: kill yourself

✨ sampo koski ✨ : I THOUGJT YOU WERE ON MY

SIDE

Dan Heng: you thought wrong

pela: blinks

stelle: why do you blink so often

pela: blinks again

stelle: @march 7th i killed a man again

march 7th: ok

gepard: you aren’t even bothered??

serval: it was sam

gepard: nevermind i see why

✨ sampo koski ✨ : well EXCUSE ME

stelle: FUCK HES ALIVE

march 7th: do the thing where you go “rules are made to be broeknenn!!!”

✨ sampo koski ✨ : FUCKING AEONS

HOOK ☄️ : L

bronya rand : hmm

pela: drinks coffee

bronya rand : STOP THAT

pela: its your coffee

bronya rand :…

bronya rand : you

pela: it tasted nice

pela: but not as nice as my coffee

bronya rand : no i drank your coffee once and i almost died

pela: you drank my coffee

stelle: shits about to go DOWN

gepard: why does everyone keep killing each other

pela: isnt killing literally part of your job

gepard: don’t say it like that please

pela: you’re technically a murderer

gepard: stop

serval: death is not real and im basically a god

natasha: get back to the clinic

natasha: @ ✨ sampo koski ✨ take serval back to the clinic

✨ sampo koski ✨ : i should be the one taken to the clinic

natasha: ok

natasha: @stelle

stelle: what

natasha: take sampo and serval to the clinic

stelle: sure ill go get serval

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WHAT ABOUT ME??????

✨ sampo koski ✨ : @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle

@stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle
@stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle
@stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle
@stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle @stelle

natasha: dont clog up the chat

stelle: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT YOU IGNORANT PIECE OF SHIT

✨ sampo koski ✨ : uh nevermind

Dan Heng: lesson learned, never @ stelle

 is cereal a soup?
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

stelle asks the whole gc (except hook and clara) if cereal is a soup (if youre curious,
hook doesn’t think cereal is a soup and clara doesn’t know what cereal is)

stelle: SEE THAT GRIL

stelle: WATCH THAT SFCENE

stelle: DIFIGJ G THE DANCING QUEEN

Dan Heng: its 12am please go to sleep

stelle: what the fuck are you doing at 12am

Dan Heng: your mom

stelle: HWAT

pela: JAWS WIDE OPEN

Dan Heng: can’t i be funny at least one time?

Dan Heng: also pela what are you doing at 12am

stelle: yea what are you doing at butts o clock

pela: writing

stelle: of coruse

pela: would you still love me if i were a worm

stelle: no

Dan Heng: i never loved you as is

pela: i thought itd be funny to say

pela: now im sad

stelle: good

Dan Heng: stelle why are you like this

stelle: im gonna get some ice from the freezer

Dan Heng: ice??

pela: just ask me i can shoot ice in your mouth

stelle: id also die

pela: thats called killing two birds with one stone

Dan Heng: don’t you mean killing two birds and one human with one stone?
pela: shit youre right

bronya rand : what is going on

pela: ahahahahah hello lady bronya

bronya rand : go to sleep

bronya rand : all of you

stelle: you go to sleep

bronya rand : i have work to do

bronya rand : what’s your excuse

pela: im

pela: reading

stelle: what are you reading

pela: id rather not say

bronya rand : pela

bronya rand : its ok if youre reading smut

bronya rand : i won’t fire you

pela: I NEVER SAID THAT

pela: ALSO HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS

bronya rand : you were the one who introduced me to wattpad

bronya rand : it’s not my fault i know

stelle: synonym toast crunck

Dan Heng: what

Dan Heng: go back to sleep everyone

stelle: dont tell me what to do

stelle: EVERYONE WAKE UP

stelle has started a video call

serval: what do you want

stelle has ended the video call

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BITCH

✨ sampo koski ✨ : I WAS SLEEPING

serval: with my brother, yeah

march 7th: WHAT????

gepard: SERVAL LANDAU.

serval: GEPARD LANDAU.

✨ sampo koski ✨ : SAMPO KOSKI.

natasha: who called me in the middle of the night

stelle: GUYS

stelle: is cereal a soup

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no it isnt are you fucking daft

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: who has soup for breakfast

stelle: me????

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im sorry for whatever pathetic sad existence you lead

stelle: rude

Dan Heng: hold on

Dan Heng: i’m genuinely stumped on this one

march 7th: wow

march 7th: thats a first

bronya rand : cereal is a soup

✨ sampo koski ✨ : its a soup

✨ sampo koski ✨ : its also a meal

stelle: ok cereal is NOT a meal are you fucking insane

✨ sampo koski ✨ : girl wtf is it then?? a snack????

stelle: ITS CEREAL YOU IGNORAMUS

Dan Heng: stelle used a big word

stelle: YOU

serval: CEREAL IS NOT A SOUP. NOT!!!!!

✨ sampo koski ✨ : BITCH THEN WHAT IS IT

serval: I DONT FUCKIGN KNOW

✨ sampo koski ✨ : @gepard is cereal a soup

 (say yes)

gepard: i’m not getting dragged into this

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ig its me against the world smh

gepard: i guess it is. goodnight everyone

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ok fuck you too then

gepard: you will

✨ sampo koski ✨ : what

serval: I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THAT JOKE HOW DARE YOU

pela: why is the gc blowing up all of a sudden

bronya rand : i’m surprised i agree with you on something for once @
✨ sampo koski ✨

✨ sampo koski ✨ : omg the supreme gurardinan agrees with

me????

bronya rand : i wish i didn’t

 sampo is going to get his ass beat
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

sampo threatens to break pelas leg, now 5 people are out to get him

Chapter Notes

a sequel to chapter 18, the cereal saga

✨ sampo koski ✨ : CEREAL IS A FUCKING SOUP AND

ILL DIE ON THIS HILL

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: then die.

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ILL THROW YOU ALL INTO THE

FUCKING FURNACE

gepard: ok

✨ sampo koski ✨ : except you

bronya rand : i agreed with you though??

✨ sampo koski ✨ : and bronya

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: NOT BEFORE I THROW YOU IN THERE FIRST

bronya rand : honey stop

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ok

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: dont call me honey tho

bronya rand : ok sweetheart

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i said dont

stelle: i think i mightve caused a war

natasha: you think???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @stelle ill have you know that this argument has spread to the
entirety of boulder town

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: this is your fault

stelle: i know

gepard: it’s also spreading to the overworld

gepard: now there are at least 2 people arguing about if cereal is a soup at any given time

stelle: thats one way to have a legacy

Dan Heng: it’s not a very good way though

stelle: all publicity is good publicity

serval: no its not

natasha: we can at least all agree that cereal is a food right?

pela: cereal is a drink

natasha: NO

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ILL BREAK YOUR LEGS YOU PIECE

OF FUCK

gepard: PELAGEYA SERGEYEVNA.

pela: why are you calling me by my full name

pela: what are you, my mom??

gepard: why am i the mom

pela: its a saying

Dan Heng: it’s not

pela: what is it then???

Dan Heng: ​♂️

pela: i hate you

bronya rand : @pela i won’t fire you for reading smut but i will fire you for
this

pela: LADY BRONYA????

march 7th: you read WHAT

pela: MARCH

pela: IM GONNA CRY

pela: MY LIFE IS FALLING APART

stelle: your life had already fallen apart

stelle: its just falling apart more

pela: STOP YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY HARDER

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: your life falling apart for that?? wow youre soft

bronya rand : shes my employee please be nice to her

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sorry

pela: @bronya rand HOW COME YOURE TELLING OTHER PEOPLE TO

BE NICE TO ME BUT YOU ARENT NICE TO ME YOURSELF

Dan Heng: you haven’t gotten fired?

pela: idk man

pela: bronbron am i fired or not

bronya rand : only on fridays

pela: WHAT DOES THaT MEAN

bronya rand : it means that you’re only fired on fridays

bronya rand : because you’re my friend and i’m so nice to you

pela: since when were we friends

bronya rand : i made that part up

pela: gUYS SAMPO IS AT MY DOOR BRONBRON KILL HIM

bronya rand : sure

bronya rand : no questions asked

pela: thanks ill help out

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WHAT

gepard: good luck

✨ sampo koski ✨ : CAPTAIN?????

pela: this is a 2v1 because i know gepard would never hurt his bf

gepard: WHAT

✨ sampo koski ✨ : why did you the eye roll????

pela: why did i the eye roll????

serval: count me in im gonna beat sampos ass

pela: now its a 3v1

stelle: did someone say beat sampos ass

pela: 4v1

natasha: oh dear this is on the brink of all out violence

natasha: count me in.

✨ sampo koski ✨ : you know what ill join you guys im

scared now

pela: lol too late im at your door

✨ sampo koski ✨ : i thought i was at your door

pela: not anymore you arent now perish
 sampo dies
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

sampo dies and stelle clones herself

Chapter Notes

welcome caelus to the chat lol

so basically caelus is just stelle but quieter and ruder (also i may ship him with dandan
sometime later but whO KNOWS???)

Dan Heng: breaking news: sampo found dead at his house

stelle: LETS FUCKING GO TEEAM WE DID IT

natasha: i was the only one who shot him

bronya rand : i gave you a buff

pela: i reduced his defense

stelle: i beat the shit out of him

serval: i also beat the shit out of him

natasha: …great job team

gepard: GUYS WHERES SAMPO

gepard: OH GOD I DID NOT KNOW YOU ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH THE PLAN

serval: oops

stelle: uh

stelle: sorry for killing your boyfriend ig

gepard: HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND

serval: yeah yeah whatever geppie the first stage is always denial

stelle: …ill go get bailu

Dan Heng: why do you want to revive him? isn’t he basically your mortal enemy?

stelle: yea but hes fun to bully

stelle: he also still owes me a bottled soda

natasha: he still hasn’t paid you back??

natasha: okay team we’re gonna buy stelle a bottled soda with his money

serval: isnt that illegal

natasha: since when did you care if something was illegal or not
natasha: didnt you hide fugitives in your workshop

gepard: @serval you what

serval: in my defense it was the trailblazers and seele

march 7th: you call us the trailblazers now??

march 7th: since when???

gepard: ???? i told you

serval: since you guys saved the fucking world dumbass

march 7th: thanks??

stelle: nvm lol he did pay me back

serval: you couldnt have told us earlier??? i already robbed him

gepard: give it back

✨ sampo koski ✨ : i revived at a space anchor

✨ sampo koski ✨ : did none of you idiots realize those

exist??

pela: SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

pela: ABORT MISSION @natasha @bronya rand @stelle @serval

✨ sampo koski ✨ : @gepard missed me?

gepard: no

serval: lmao he totally did

serval: scroll up

✨ sampo koski ✨ : thanks, i owe you one

serval: you owe me more than one

gepard: i hate you all

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ilyt <3

stelle: @ ✨ sampo koski ✨ are you trying to rob him

✨ sampo koski ✨ : why do you guys think im evil

stelle: why do you think you don’t are evil

✨ sampo koski ✨ : what

stelle: why the are you not the evil think

stelle: why no the don’t evil am are you

the think evil

✨ sampo koski ✨ : good question

march 7th: you understand her???

✨ sampo koski ✨ : i do not

✨ sampo koski ✨ : thats why i said good question

march 7th: touché

gepard: that’s why you said that after everything i said that one time?

✨ sampo koski ✨ : oops

gepard: i thought you were mocking me or something

✨ sampo koski ✨ : i would never, darling

gepard: …

serval: side eye

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WHAT DO YOU MEAN SIDE EYE

bronya rand : @pela WHY IS THERE FANFICTION OF ME AND SEELE

pela: you get used to it

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHAT

bronya rand : what sort of stuff have you read on wattpad

pela: i dont wanna talk about it

stelle: i cloned myself

Dan Heng: YOU WHAT

stelle added caelus to the group

stelle: say hi to caelus

gepard: kill it

caelus: rude

stelle promoted caelus to admin

caelus changed gepard’s name to meanie

✨ sampo koski ✨ : hes not mean

caelus: ok whatever old man

✨ sampo koski ✨ : IM NOT THAT OLD

stelle: WAIT CAILLOU I HAVE AN IDEA

caelus: MY NAME IS CAELUS

stelle: yea whatever callus

stelle changed their name to prepare for trouble

stelle changed caelus’s name to and make it double!

prepare for trouble: WERE MATCHING NOW AAAAAA

and make it double!: ok

Dan Heng: how did you clone yourself

prepare for trouble: herta let me

prepare for trouble: she said it was for her science or whatever

prepare for trouble: something something cloning a stellaron

prepare for trouble: but that doesnt matter now bc i have a brother

prepare for trouble: now i can finally experience whatever gepard and serval have going on

serval: you do not want to have whatever we have going on, trust me

meanie: why didn’t you kill it @prepare for trouble

and make it double!: why didnt you kill yourself

natasha: no don’t say that please

and make it double!: shut up

natasha: …

and make it double!: sorry miss natasha

prepare for trouble: dont fuck with natasha bro she’ll murder you

gepard: i also have the capacity to murder

pela: finally accepting that youre a murderer?

gepard: STOP
 sampo gets beat up online. again
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

everyone has basically accepted that caelus exists

prepare for trouble: i accidentally hit my leg too hard @natasha did i break it

natasha: no

prepare for trouble: ok

and make it double!: bro i just sneezed in the weirdest way ever

and make it double!: idek how to describe it

Dan Heng: @prepare for trouble how did you clone yourself but your clone became male

prepare for trouble: no fucking clue tbh

prepare for trouble: ask herta

pela: hey stelle who is @and make it double!

and make it double!: idfk

prepare for trouble: thats caelus

pela: who is caelus

prepare for trouble: my clone

pela: what

prepare for trouble: dont question it

prepare for trouble: @and make it double! herta said she wants to research you and the cloned
stellaron

prepare for trouble: she wants to see if its like an actual stellaron or a photocopied stellaron

and make it double!: ok seeya lol

Dan Heng: the words “photocopied stellaron” together is the weirdest thing i’ve seen all day

prepare for trouble: im sure

pela: guys theres noise coming from the snow plains can you investigate @prepare for trouble

prepare for trouble: no

✨ sampo koski ✨ : SHE BURIED ME IN THE SNOW

serval: what do you want me to do??? go out there and get you back????

serval: when you think cereal is a FUCKING SOUP ?????

natasha: please stop with the cereal argument

natasha: it’s going to drive me crazy

Dan Heng: it’s entertaining to watch

HOOK ☄️ : cereal is not a soup

✨ sampo koski ✨ : gasps.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: see, even hook knows better than you

clara and mr. svarog!: ( ￣ ^ ￣ ) ゞ what’s cereal?

prepare for trouble: it’s grains in milk, and usually a breakfast food

✨ sampo koski ✨ : its also a soup

prepare for trouble: stop spreading your fucking propaganda

✨ sampo koski ✨ : this isnt propaganda fuck you

prepare for trouble: KILL YOURSSELF

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ILL MAKE YOU EAT YOUR

FUCKING HANDS

natasha: clara went offline

natasha: what have you done

prepare for trouble: FUCK

prepare for trouble: SAM THIS IS YOUR FAULT

✨ sampo koski ✨ : yOU STARTED IT

✨ sampo koski ✨ : YOU ASKED FHE WHOLE GROUP

THAT FUCKING QUESTION 2 DAYS AGO

and make it double!: bro shut up youre already losing

serval: @ ✨ sampo koski ✨ ill rock your shit

serval: pun intended

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WHAT DID I DO

pela: GO GO GO

✨ sampo koski✨ : @gepard save me please my knight in

shining armor

gepard: no. good luck

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WHY

 movie NIIIIIIGHT
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

stelle and hook start a fire and pela tries to plan a movie night (keyword: tries)

Chapter Notes

woooo 2 different chats coexisting in this fic yay

and make it double!: OW FUCK I STUBBED MY TOE

gepard: language

and make it double!: english

and make it double!: now let me swear

prepare for trouble: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TEXT ABOUT STUBBING YOUR TOE

and make it double!: OI OLD MAN WHY DO YOU LET STELLE SWEAR BUT NOT ME

gepard: she’s been around for longer

gepard: nobody’s fazed by her anymore

gepard: also i’m not that old

prepare for trouble: i started a fire in the underworld with hook

natasha: you WHAT.

gepard: i retract my previous statement

natasha: @bronya rand be prepared for an influx of people coming to the

overworld very soon

bronya rand : why?

bronya rand : …nevermind i see why

natasha: @ ✨ sampo koski ✨ STOP TRYING TO USE

WIND TO BLOW OUT THE FIRE

natasha: YOU’RE MAKING IT WORSE

Dan Heng: @pela @gepard can you make some more of those wanted posters, those were fun

prepare for trouble: ALSO MAKE A WANTED POSTER OF ME THIS TIME @pela

pela: whats going on

pela: oh god

prepare for trouble: i felt a little silly

and make it double!: i despise that emoji with every fiber of my being
prepare for trouble:

Dan Heng: what do you call a table that can’t be broken

Dan Heng: an indestructable

pela: *slow claps*

bronya rand : a participation medal for you

Dan Heng: listen - march told me to tell jokes to be more approachable to people

serval: march is lying

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SAMPO YOU FUCKING IDIOT STOP THROWING KNIVES
AT THE FIRE I DONT CARE THAT THEYRE MADE OF WIND OR SOME BULLSHIT PUT
THEM AWAY

✨ sampo koski ✨ : LISTEN IM TRYING MY BEST

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: TRYING YOUR BEST TO WHAT??? KILL EVERYONE IN

BOULDER TOWN?????

serval: just came down to boulder town and its just a small campfire??

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yeah about that, stuff over here isn’t very flammable

serval: why were you guys so overdramatic about it??

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: it was to FUCK WITH THE OVERWORLD THATS WHY
serval: you have bronya, isnt that enough overworld for you?

bronya rand : what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT

serval: stelle

prepare for trouble: SHHHH

pela: so i drew that wanted poster for nothing

pela: :(

prepare for trouble: do you want me to start another fire

and make it double!: FUCK YES

pela: LETS DO A MOVIE NIGHT @bronya rand @pela @ITS

PRONOUNCED ZEELAH @gepard

bronya rand : did you just… tag yourself?

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WHY AM I NOT INVITED

✨ sampo koski ✨ : THIS IS rACIST

pela: no the fuck it isnt i just dont like you

✨ sampo koski ✨ : geppie does tho

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: prove it

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ill give you 3000 credits if he says yes

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you give me 3000 credits if he says no

✨ sampo koski ✨ : DEAL

✨ sampo koski ✨ : @gepard do you like me

gepard: no

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WHAT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: pay up

✨ sampo koski ✨ : THIS ISNT FAIR

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU AGREED TO THIS

gepard: oh, yeah, by the way - please invite sampo to the movie night. he is currently nagging me
to text you this, so please do it.

pela: fine

pela: gonna make a gc gimme a sec

[ MOVIE NIGHT!!!! ]

pela created group “MOVIE NIGHT!!!!”

pela added gepard, bronya rand , ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH to the group

pela: wait

pela added ✨ sampo koski ✨ to the group

bronya rand : why do we need another group chat for this

pela: yes

pela: so anyways what do you guys wanna watch

gepard: i’ll watch whatever you want to watch

bronya rand : me too

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: same

pela: wow you guys are really helpful

✨ sampo koski ✨ : RATATOUILLE

pela: isnt his name remy

✨ sampo koski ✨ : reading that just shortened my lifespan
by 3 days

bronya rand : isnt his name remy

gepard: isnt his name remy

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: isnt his name remy

✨ sampo koski ✨ : im sad now

gepard: sorry

pela: okay remy it is then

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ITS RATATOUILLE

bronya rand : how the tables turned

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: how the turned tables

pela: how tables the turned

✨ sampo koski ✨ : what

bronya rand : wait, pela when’s the movie

pela: whenever the fuck i want

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: we’re back

natasha: how was the movie

pela: we didnt watch the movie yet??

natasha: then why were you gone for so long

pela: we were busy arguing

pela: also i couldn’t get sampos number so i had to nag gepard for it

natasha: wait, why does he have sampos number

natasha: nevermind, forget i asked

 isnt his name remy
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

movie night gang watch movie

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[ MOVIE NIGHT!!!! ]

✨ sampo koski ✨ : guys please stop spamming my dms with

“isnt his name remy” i beg of you

pela: isnt his name remy

✨ sampo koski ✨ : TTHIS IS BULLYING

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: when are we watching remy

✨ sampo koski ✨ : I QUIT

bronya rand : no you dont

✨ sampo koski ✨ : fuck you

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

natasha: it’s taking them a while to get back

pela: hi we’re back what did we miss

natasha: not much, the chat is surprisingly dry without you four

✨ sampo koski ✨ : thanks for the compliment doctor

natasha!!!

natasha: i retract my previous statement

prepare for trouble: *sprays fire extinguisher into your eyes*

and make it double!: *dodges*

prepare for trouble: *i secretly blessed the fire extinguisher so you cant dodge it*

and make it double!: *activates powers so i can still dodge it*

prepare for trouble: *throws microwave at you*

and make it double!: *dodges again*

prepare for trouble: *curses you so that the next time you dodge my attacks you instantly die*

and make it double!: *makes self invincible so it negates the curse*

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what the fuck is going on

Dan Heng: they’re roleplaying

Dan Heng: they’ve been doing this for two hours now

pela: wow

pela: *laserbeams stelle and caelus*

prepare for trouble: *dodges*

pela: i shouldve expected that

prepare for trouble: *kills you*

pela: ok

pela: stelle can you make me admin for a sec

prepare for trouble: sure

pela is now an admin

pela changed ✨ sampo koski ✨ ’s name to

✨ remy ✨

✨ remy ✨ : YOURE SO FUCKING MEAN

pela: WHY IS SAMPO SPAMMING ITALIAN SWEAR WORDS IN MY DMS

✨ remy ✨ : duolingo
prepare for trouble: hey sam yk whatd be funny

prepare for trouble: so like when you use your ult

prepare for trouble: instead of a valentines day box you pulled out a pizza box

prepare for trouble: @gepard draw that

gepard: ok

✨ remy ✨ : draw me like one of your french girls

pela: cringe

Dan Heng: *draw me like one of your italian girls

✨ remy ✨ : SHUT UP

pela: what alignment do you guys think you are

serval: neutral good?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: chaotic good

bronya rand : lawful good

Dan Heng: lawful neutral, maybe

✨ remy ✨ : chaotic eviler

pela: thats not an alignment

✨ remy ✨ : *swears in italian*

pela: why arent you actually swearing in italian like in dms

and make it double!: coward.

prepare for trouble: neutral good

gepard: what is an alignment

march 7th: lawful good obviously

Dan Heng: no, i’d say you’re more neutral good

march 7th: ok >:(

[ MOVIE NIGHT!!!! ]

pela started a group video call

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WAIT IM NOT READY

pela: too bad lol

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: why dont you guys just talk

 pela: so we dont interrupt the movie

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thats surprisingly smart coming from you

✨ sampo koski ✨ : is that a compliment or an insult

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: depends on how thick your skin is

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

prepare for trouble: man this gc name is so fucking boring

and make it double!: you made it yourself tho

prepare for trouble: exactly

Dan Heng: i don’t know, it looks fine to me

march 7th: thats bc your boring

Dan Heng: *you’re

pela changed the group name to “isnt his name remy”

pela: @prepare for trouble you forgot to remove my admin lmao

✨ remy ✨ : IM

Chapter End Notes

yes, “isnt his name remy” will be a recurring joke in this fic
 caelus and dan heng sitting in a tree
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

caelus tries to pull dandan and fails miserably

pela: cereal

natasha: NO

✨ remy ✨ : SOUP

natasha: NO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @ ✨ remy ✨ ILL BREAK

YOUR LEGS

natasha: NO

march 7th: himeko come pick me up im scared

pela: didnt you say that once before

Dan Heng: we’re leaving for the xianzhou luofu soon, no need to worry

march 7th: why are you nice to me all of a sudden thats sus as hell

and make it double!: dan why arent you like that to me

Dan Heng: who are you again?

and make it double!: GASP.

prepare for trouble: serves you right

and make it double!: GIRL WHAT DID I DO

prepare for trouble: youre basically my brother

prepare for trouble: thats what you did

and make it double!: THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE

prepare for trouble: buy me more trash

and make it double!: where do i fucking buy trash

prepare for trouble: figure that out yourself

and make it double!: since you obviously know better than me why dont you get it yourself

prepare for trouble: fuck off

natasha: at least you’re helping with littering… in one way or another

natasha: what do you even do with the trash after you rummage through the trash cans?

prepare for trouble: i eat it

natasha: ?

prepare for trouble: listen

prepare for trouble: i have a fucking stellaron inside my body

prepare for trouble: what makes you think i cant eat a couple bags of trash every now and then

Dan Heng: caelus and i made a record of how much trash she eats per week

Dan Heng: it’s 5 bags per week, if anyone was curious

and make it double!: the ONE TIME dan and i have some quality time together and its to count
how much trash my sister eats

and make it double!: like wtf dandan do you not know how to spend quality time

Dan Heng: why should i need to know how?

Dan Heng: more importantly, i didn’t agree to “spend quality time with you” - you nagged me for
hours before i reluctantly agreed

and make it double!: yeah yeah reluctant schmeluctant

and make it double!: whats important is that you agreed

serval: you two remind me of geppie and sampo ngl

and make it double!: i know

Dan Heng: how so?

serval: one of you is oblivious

Dan Heng: oblivious? to what?

serval: youll figure out sooner or later

Dan Heng: okay then?

prepare for trouble: lmao good luck caecae

and make it double!: ITS NOT MY FAULT THIS IDIOT WONT CATCH ON

and make it double!: ALSO DONT CALL ME CAECAE

Dan Heng: who are you calling an idiot?

and make it double!: YOU

and make it double!: IM CALLING YOU AN IDIOT

✨ remy ✨ : did someone say sampo

serval: hi sampo

pela: *inhales*
pela: ISNT HIS NAME REMY
 ground rules
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

nat and everyone else sets up some ground rules but nobody takes it seriously

natasha: i feel like this group chat has been a little… hectic

natasha: so i thought that we should set up some ground rules

natasha: so if anyone has any suggestions, type them here

prepare for trouble: rule #1: you gotta have fun

prepare for trouble: and baby when youre done

and make it double!: you gotta be the first to run

and make it double!: rule #2: just dont get attached to somebody you could lose

and make it double!: so le-let me tell you

prepare for trouble: THIS IS HOW TO BE A HEARTBREAKER

serval: BOYS THEY LIKE A LITTLE DANGER

natasha: please only write down actual rules

and make it double!: WE’LL GET HIM FALLING FOR A STRANGER

and make it double!: A PLAYER

serval: SINGING I LO-LO-LOVE YOU

prepare for trouble: HOW TO BE A HEARTBREAKER

prepare for trouble: BOYS THEY LIKE THE LOOK OF DANGER

serval: WE’LL GET HIM FALLING FOR A STRANGER

and make it double!: A PLAYER

and make it double!: SINGING I LO-LO-LOVE YOU

prepare for trouble: at least i think i do

natasha: why did i think this would ever work out

natasha: take 2

natasha: rule #1: no meaningless arguments (looking at you, cereal argument)

serval: rule #2: everybody MUST be rude to sampo AT ALL TIMES

natasha: …i don’t disagree with you

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT
pela: oh look guys its the resident rat

gepard: rule #3: rule #2 is null

✨ remy ✨ : <3

gepard: with all due respect, fuck off

✨ remy ✨ : anything for you <3

prepare for trouble: rule #4: everyone must donate all their credits to me every month

march 7th: rule #5: rule #4 is null

natasha: let me make a separate group chat for this

[ rules ]

natasha created group “rules”

natasha added stelle, caelus, march 7th, Dan Heng, ✨ sampo koski
✨ , gepard, serval, bronya rand , pela, ITS
PRONOUNCED ZEELAH, HOOK ☄️ , clara and mr. svarog!

natasha: is that everyone?

stelle: how would i know lmao

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] Here are the rules so far:
rule #1: no meaningless arguments (looking at you, cereal argument)

rule #2: everybody MUST be rude to @ ✨ sampo koski ✨

AT ALL TIMES

rule #3: everyone must donate all their credits to @stelle every month

If anyone wants to veto a rule, please type “VETO RULE [rule number]”. A vote will be held once
one user vetoes a rule. To vote, please type “VOTE”. If anyone wants to add a rule, please type
“ADD [rule]”.

✨ sampo koski ✨ : VETO RULE 2

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] Your veto is currently being processed.

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] @ ✨ sampo koski

✨ has started a vote. The vote will last for 1 minute.

✨ sampo koski ✨ : why is nobody else online

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] The vote has ended. The majority votes to
keep the rule.

✨ sampo koski ✨ : smh

march 7th: VETO RULE 3

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] @march 7th has started a vote. The vote
will last for 1 minute.

caelus: VOTE

serval: VOTE

HOOK ☄️ : VOTE
✨ sampo koski ✨ : VOTE

Dan Heng: VOTE

pela: VOTE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: VOTE

bronya rand : VOTE

gepard: VOTE

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] The vote has ended. The majority votes to
remove the rule. The rules will be updated in a few minutes.

gepard: VOTE

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] Vote invalid.

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] Here are the rules so far:

rule #1: no meaningless arguments (looking at you, cereal argument)

rule #2: everybody MUST be rude to @ ✨ sampo koski ✨

AT ALL TIMES

pela: ADD RULE “everyone must call @ ✨ sampo koski ✨

remy”

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] Rule added.

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] Here are the rules so far:

rule #1: no meaningless arguments (looking at you, cereal argument)

rule #2: everybody MUST be rude to @ ✨ sampo koski ✨

AT ALL TIMES

rule #3: everyone must call @ ✨ sampo koski ✨ remy

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WHY

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] Because nobody likes you, Remy.

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ARE YOU TRYINF TO START BEEF

W ME

natasha: [This is an automated message. Do not reply.] I am not. I am simply following Rule #2.

[belobog/jarilo-VI]

✨ remy ✨ : the natasha bot and i got into a fight

pela: who won

✨ remy ✨ : …the natasha bot

pela: LMFAOOO
 sampo drinks seawater (canon)
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

pela looks through her coworkers (is gepard her coworker?? i have no clue tbh) drawer
and shit happens

Chapter Notes

i think ill just headcanon sampo as more and more unhinged shit until he basically
becomes a different character

pela: dont tell gepard but i looked through his drawers and found a few drawings from when he
was a toddler

serval: wait youre legally allowed to do that??? and im not???

gepard: those were from 2 months ago…

pela: OH

pela: IM SO SORRY LMAOO

and make it double!: HELP I SET THE FRYING PAN ON FIRE

Dan Heng: YOU WHAT

Dan Heng: …there’s no fire

and make it double!: yea ik lmao

and make it double!: just wanted you to get over here

Dan Heng: for what

and make it double!: can you help me set the frying pan on fire

Dan Heng: pom-pom would murder you

and make it double!: so is that a yes or a no

Dan Heng: no

HOOK ☄️ : DID SOMEONE SAY FIRE

Dan Heng: no

and make it double!: yes

HOOK ☄️ : who the fuck are you

and make it double!: this kid can swear????? and i cant??????? @gepard

HOOK ☄️ : WHO ARE YOU CALLING KID

and make it double!: shut up you are a kid

natasha: don’t tell hook to shut up

serval: yeah dont

✨ remy ✨ : i… i burnt water

gepard: HOW

✨ remy ✨ : I DONT KNOW

✨ remy ✨ : save me please

serval: good luck sam

✨ remy ✨ : i never asked you to save me

✨ remy ✨ : youd do a shitty job at it anyway

serval: gasps dramatically

serval: wait why am i the dramatic one here

serval: its supposed to be the other way around

✨ remy ✨ : oh shit youre right

serval: do smth dramatic rn or the fabric of the spacetime continuum will tear

Dan Heng: do you know what that means?

serval: absolutely not

march 7th: it means that the fabric of the spacetime continuum will tear

✨ remy ✨ : au revoir

serval: YOU gET BACK HERE

[ MOVIE NIGHT!!!! ]

pela: watching remy while drinking my special coffee was certainly an experience

bronya rand : while drinking what

pela: …alcohol

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: lmao

✨ remy ✨ : YOU WERE DRINKING TOO????

gepard: hi remy

✨ remy ✨ : dont call me remy

pela: why? isnt your name remy?

✨ remy ✨ : im gonna disappear into the woods and its going

to be YOUR FAULT

pela: is that supposed to be a threat??

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: good.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: disappear.

gepard: with all due respect, you are terrible at making threats

✨ remy ✨ : what can i say, making threats isnt part of my

job

✨ remy ✨ : i’m more of a sweet-talk kinda guy

pela: no fucking way youre typing like how you talk irl

pela: stop that

bronya rand : say you guys are making soup; what soup are you making

gepard: chicken soup

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: the blood of my enemies

✨ remy ✨ : seawater

pela: coffee

bronya rand : gepard gave the only normal answer

✨ remy ✨ : what do you mean you dont drink seawater

pela: i think i mentally vomited after seeing that

✨ remy ✨ : LISTEN if you season it appropriately it

actually tastes good

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: we dont have to be that fucking desperate in the underworld

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yk that right

✨ remy ✨ : IT TASTES GOOD

gepard: i feel sorry for your taste buds

 happy birthday pela
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

when is pelas birthday? today! and the day before! and the day before! and the day
before! and the

Chapter Notes

sorry for not updating i was busy writing another fic SPEAKING OF ANOTHER FIC-

pela: its my birthday give me money

and make it double!: no

pela: die

serval: your birthday was yesterday

serval: and the day before

Dan Heng: how come i’ve never heard of this?

bronya rand : consider yourself lucky

bronya rand : i got to hear ALL about her birthday

prepare for trouble: jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell rock
pela: its may

prepare for trouble: ☹️

Dan Heng: have any of you slept at all last week

serval: absolutely not

Dan Heng: figures

serval: yeah

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: so anyone wanna beat someone up

and make it double!: sure

✨ remy ✨ : IM STILL IN THE FUCKING CLINIC

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: oh right i forgot

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @natasha permission to beat sampo up?

natasha: i’m legally obligated to say no, but you can once his treatment course is done

natasha: i’ll let you know when that is

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thanks doc

natasha: no problem, seele

✨ remy ✨ : NATASHA???? I THOUGHT WE WERE
FRIENDS

✨ remy ✨ : GOOD BUDDIES

natasha: where did you get that info?

prepare for trouble: i’ve been meaning to ask you something @ ✨ remy
✨

✨ remy ✨ : usually id say fire away but its you whos asking
so now im scared

prepare for trouble: yk how we found you in the snow when we first landed here

✨ remy ✨ : please dont bring rhat up in front of everyone

serval: what were you doing in the snow wtf

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: new blackmail material acquired

✨ remy ✨ : FUCK

prepare for trouble: how did you not freeze to death while wearing your clothing

✨ remy ✨ : magic

Dan Heng: don’t lie to her

✨ remy ✨ : yeah no if im beign honest i have no fucking
idea either

✨ remy ✨ : maybe qlipoth blessed me or smtj

Dan Heng: maybe qlipoth could’ve blessed you with a better personality too

natasha: sorry remy, you’re going to need a lot of ice for that burn

natasha: too bad i’m all out, good luck

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT.

march 7th: rip

and make it double!: common sampo L

pela: *remy

and make it double!: common remy L

✨ remy ✨ : i hate you too ig

 SOMEBODY CALL AN ANBUCLACE
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

stelle eat moneeys

Chapter Notes

sorry for no updates i was writing another fic as always

prepare for trouble: me when i

prepare for trouble: when i eat all of marchs moneys

prepare for trouble: im gonna throw up

march 7th: YOU DID WHAT

Dan Heng: i’m banning you from having an allowance

march 7th: ikr so irresponsible dandan give me stelles allowance instead

Dan Heng: no.

march 7th:

natasha: @prepare for trouble WHY.

serval: yo has anyone seen my brother

✨ remy✨ : he did a backflip out the window

serval: WHAT

serval: YOU MURDERER

✨ remy✨ : I DIDNT FUCKING KILL HIM

serval: YOU KILLED MY BROTHER

✨ remy✨ : I DID NOT

pela: yeah no remy didnt kill him

✨ remy✨ : id ssy thabks for defending me but its you whos

defending me so i feel like youre gonna say smth crazy afetrward

serval: omfg do you not have fucking autocorrect

pela: bc of course remy would never hurt his bf

Dan Heng: this is now the second time you’ve said something along the lines of “remy would
never hurt his boyfriend ”

pela: yeah bc hed never hurt his bf

serval: hm
serval: new teasing material acquired

gepard: WHY

✨ remy✨ : HOLY SHIT HES ALIVE PEOPLE

✨ remy✨ : THANK QLIPOTH

✨ remy✨ : OR SOMETHING

✨ remy✨ : THANK DEFBIREBLAIATIORS

Dan Heng: …defibrillators?

✨ remy✨ : yea

✨ remy✨ : defidbirnebrheatoirrs

Dan Heng: face palm

march 7th: ITS ONE WORD

gepard: i never died…??

pela: I CALLED THE FUCKING ANBUCLACE AND YOURE ALIVE???? go die again or smth
smh

serval: the anbuclace

✨ remy✨ : me when i ride the anbuclace

Dan Heng: you did what to the anbuclace

pela: SHUT UP

gepard: why do you grade my work like a teacher but then type ambulance as “anbuclace”

and make it double!: shawty got them apple bottom jeans (jeans)

pela: boots with the fur (with the fur)

serval: SHE GOT THE WHOLE CLUB LOOKIN AT HERRRRR

✨ remy✨ : i just scammed a kid into giving me 5 shield

✨ remy✨ : im so fucking rich now

HOOK ☄️: MR SAMPO JUST SCAMMED ME OUT OF 5 SHIELD

HOOK ☄️: @prepare for trouble HONORARY MEMBER GO KILL HIM!!!!

prepare for trouble: yes boss hook

natasha: give hook the shield back

✨ remy✨ : yes ma’am

Dan Heng: that worked?

natasha: always does
 mmm yummy paitns
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

HAPPY PRIDE!!! TO CELEBRATE I WILL SHOVE EVERY SHIP IN THIS FIC

DOWN YOUR THROATS FOR THE WHOLE MONTH!!!!! /hj

gepard: WHO ATE MY PAINTS

gepard: @ ✨ remy ✨ DID YOU EAT MY PAINTS

✨ remy ✨ : i only eat crayons

serval: shut up

HOOK ☄️ : fun fact

HOOK ☄️ : DO NOT EAT PAINT!!!! I AM BEING TAKEN TO THE

CLINIC RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

natasha: PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY

HOOK ☄️ : NO OLD HAG GIVE ME MY PH

prepare for trouble: …i ate your paints @gepard

gepard: why am i not surprised

prepare for trouble: they tasted like strawberry

Dan Heng: what kind of strawberries have you been eating

prepare for trouble: plastic strawberries

bronya rand : i mean this in the nicest way possible; what is wrong with you

Dan Heng: many, many things

and make it double!: GUYS HELP THERES A RAT IN MY ROOM

prepare for trouble: DONT CALL ME A FUCKING RAT

Dan Heng: i just came into your room, and all i see is two rats. is there a misunderstanding here?

prepare for trouble: ill kill you w my bare hands

and make it double!: kiss me so i can turn human again

serval: was that seriously your best shot

and make it double!: IM TRYING MY BEST

serval: LISTEN CAELUS WHEN I TOLD YOU TO FLIRT W DAN HENG I DID NOT MeAN
LIKE THAT

Dan Heng: flirt with whom ?

march 7th: oh wow

serval: my job here is done

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: cringe

and make it double!: shut up

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 100

and make it double!: ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 99

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 98

and make it double!: OH SHIT IM SO SORRY NONONONONONONO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 97

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 96

and make it double!: DANDAN PLEASE HELP ME

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 95

Dan Heng: good luck

and make it double!: WHAT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 94

pela: i think im sick

✨ remy ✨ : im pretty sure its ligma

pela: DIE.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 93

clara and mr. svarog!: what’s ligma? ( ￣ ^ ￣ ) ゞ

serval: @ ✨ remy ✨ dms. now.

[serval, ✨ sampo koski ✨ ]

serval: dont you dare fucking say it or ill snap your neck

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ok ok jesus christ

serval: whos jesus christ

✨ sampo koski ✨ : ah shit

[belobog/jarilo-VI]

and make it double!: bonjour tout le monde

✨ remy ✨ : what
Dan Heng: hello to you too

serval: i dont speak baguette

and make it double!: yea me neither

✨ remy ✨ : wee wee baget crosaunt

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 86

pela: blocked

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 85

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 84

serval: pela french confirmed

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 83

bronya rand : ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 82

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 81

gepard: no shes belobogian

serval: shut it

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 80

gepard: do you have any better names

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 79

serval: .

serval: you have a point

march 7th: belobese

serval: thats probably the worst possible name for someone whos from belobog

prepare for trouble: belobandic

gepard: i suddenly have a headache

✨ remy ✨ : do you want soup

gepard: last time you made soup you set the kitchen on fire

✨ remy ✨ : shit youre right

serval: bro cant even make soup

serval: how tf did you pull geppie

march 7th: top 10 questions science cant answer

gepard: my boyfriend is nice

HOOK ☄️ : HE KILLED MY DINOSAUR TOY

gepard: to me

gepard: at least

serval: this is the first time you called remy your boyfriend

serval: CAN WE GET A ROUND OF APPLAUSE PEOPLE

Dan Heng: *one singular clap*

bronya rand :

pela: what is this a 5+1

gepard: kill me
 lie detector
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

they play w the lie detector

march 7th: guys asta bought me a lie detector

Dan Heng: how

march 7th: i just said lie detector and then she bought it

prepare for trouble: that checks out

march 7th: so do yall wanna play lie detector

pela: sign me up

✨ remy ✨ : sure i never lie

march 7th: i just showed the lie detector your text and it started glowing red

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: even the can opener knows

serval: THE CAN OPENER????

march 7th has started a group video call

serval: hey remy hows your self esteem

✨ remy ✨ : higher than yours thats for sure

✨ remy ✨ : WHY IS THE LIE DETECTOR GLOWING

RED

HOOK ☄️ : YOU SMUMMONED!!! THE SPIRIT OF LIES!!!!!! YOUR

DAYS ARE NUMBERED

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT THE FUCJ

HOOK ☄️ : SLEEP WITN ONE EYE OPEN!!!!

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i raised you well

natasha: YOU WHAT

serval: @ ✨ remy ✨ rip bozo

✨ remy ✨ : DIE

serval: I FUCKING WISH I COULD

pela: and a good morning to you two as well

bronya rand : starting the day off with some freshly-brewed arguments ☕️
Dan Heng: anyone who’s attending sampo’s funeral, raise your hand

✨ remy ✨ :✋

✨ remy ✨ : am i the only one????

gepard: how pathetic

✨ remy ✨ : is this an insult or are you flirting w me

gepard: can’t it be both?

gepard: i mean what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: all of a sudden i am homophobic

bronya rand : its june

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: youre right im so sorry bronbron

bronya rand : did you just call me bronbron

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fuck you

Dan Heng: @ ✨ remy ✨ how many children have you

scammed in the past week

✨ remy ✨ : none?? im not a scammer

Dan Heng: the detector says otherwise

✨ remy ✨ : fine

✨ remy ✨ : the answer is 6

Dan Heng: you’re still lying

✨ remy ✨ : FINE ITS 28

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: HOW RHE FUCK DID YOU SCAM 4 KIDS IN A DAY

✨ remy ✨ : SINCE WHEN COULD YOU DO MATH???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I WILL REMOVE YOUR SPINE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ILL FUCKING GET NATASHA TO DO IT FOR ME

✨ remy ✨ : DONT BRING NATASHA INTO THIS SHES

MY FRIEND

natasha: first of all; don’t bring me into this, seele

second of all; i am not your friend

bronya rand : i spilled my coffee

bronya rand : now its all over my dress

bronya rand : kill me

✨ remy ✨ : gladly

bronya rand : no

✨ remy ✨ : i already cleaned my knives dont back out now

Dan Heng: why is everyone in the group so keen on killing each other

Dan Heng: what is this, the hunger games?

march 7th: speaking of games HELLO?? WERE STILL PLAYING LIE DETECTOR

and make it double!: well now we arent

march 7th: YOU

march 7th: WHY DID YOU BREAK IT

and make it double!: bc fuck you thats why

prepare for trouble: IM THE ONLY ONE WHOS ALLOWED TO INSULT MARCH HOW
DARE YOU

and make it double!: mater tua

prepare for trouble: KAFKA????

march 7th: KAFKA???????

Dan Heng: STELLARON HUNTER??

✨ remy ✨ : SAMPO KOSKI?????

serval: SHUT UP
 dan heng rates everyone
Chapter Summary

dan heng and his (objectively correct) opinion rate everyone in the gc

and make it double!: @Dan Heng can you rate everyone in this gc plsplsplspls

Dan Heng: is it because you want to know what i think of you?

and make it double!: AND SO WHAT IF I DO

Dan Heng: whatever

Dan Heng: starting with stelle, 6/10. i don’t understand her obsession with trash, but to each their
own

prepare for trouble: HEY

Dan Heng: caelus is a 6.5/10. i don’t know why he keeps trying to flirt with me, but he’s at least a
little more tolerable than stelle

and make it double!: DANDAN RATED ME HIGHER THAN YOU LMAOO

prepare for trouble: THATS BC YOURE BASICALLY DATING SMH

Dan Heng: we’re what?

march 7th: sips juice

Dan Heng: anywho, march is a 7/10, she’s an interesting person

march 7th: ILL TAKE THAT

Dan Heng: sampo is a 2/10, for obvious reasons

✨ remy ✨ : OKAY THEN JEEZ LOUISE

Dan Heng: gepard is a 7.5/10, he is a bit stubborn but certainly determined

✨ remy ✨ : dont you mean 6/9

gepard: stop.

Dan Heng: you know what, i’m lowering your rating to a 1.5/10 for that

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

Dan Heng: serval is an 8/10, helped me and the rest of the crew out, however she is very loud

serval: IM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU WOOOOOOO

Dan Heng: 7.5/10

serval: oh

serval: at least im tied w geppie

Dan Heng: bronya is an 8.5/10, kind and devoted

bronya rand : thank you, dan heng :)

Dan Heng: pela is a 7/10, strangely obsessed with “fanfiction” and pleasing her “readers”, but good
with children

pela: you wouldnt understand smh

Dan Heng: whatever you say

Dan Heng: natasha is an 8.5/10, kind and helped us out when we were “persuading” svarog

natasha: it was nothing, really

✨ remy ✨ : I HELPED OUT TOO????

Dan Heng: i think i’m hearing things again

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

Dan Heng: anywho, hook is a 7/10, kind at heart and honest, but keeps trying to borrow my phone
to play games

HOOK ☄️ : DO YO HAVE GAMES YET!!!!!!

Dan Heng: no

Dan Heng: seele is an 8.5/10, brutally honest but is definitely a good person

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: did you seriously make my rating an 8.5 so it would match w
bronya

Dan Heng: yes

Dan Heng: clara is a 9/10, she’s sweet

Dan Heng: svarog is an 8.5/10, he’s interesting for sure

clara and mr. svarog: thank you, big brother! （＾ ω ＾） mr. svarog says thank you too! ʕ• ᴥ •ʔ

Dan Heng: i think that’s everyone

serval: it is
 STELLE AND CAELUS KIDNAP A BABY
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

its exactly what the chapter name is

Chapter Notes

sorry for no updates yesterday i was out of ideas

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: GOOD MORNING BRONYA!! <33 and everyone else

bronya rand : good morning :)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: except for you sampo ill snap your neck

✨ remy ✨ : I JUST WOKE UP WHAT DID I DO

pela: my name is ebony dark’ness dementia raven way

Dan Heng: what

prepare for trouble: UGH stOp flamming u prepz!!!!

pela: SOMEONE GETS ME

Dan Heng: ???

and make it double!: stelle told me i got drunk and stole a baby

Dan Heng: what.

pela: HOW DID YOU GET DRUNK

and make it double!: i drank some funky tasting juice

and make it double!: it was not juice

and make it double!: oh god this sucks

and make it double!: @ ✨ remy ✨ how the fuck do you

drink this stuff

✨ remy ✨ : dunno

and make it double!: SOMEONE GET THEIR KID

and make it double!: IT KEEPS CRYING

prepare for trouble: PUT THE BABY BACK CALCIUM

and make it double!: ITS CAELUS

prepare for trouble: OK CARBON JFC

march 7th: jarilo fried chicken

bronya rand : sigh

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I HATE READING

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I JUST LOST TRACK OF WHERE IN THE PAGE I WAS AT
SO I HAD TO READ IT AGAIN AND I LOST TRACK AGAIN I HATE MY LIFE

gepard: WHY IS THE ASTRAL EXPRESS CREW HOLDING A BABY HOSTAGE

Dan Heng: march and i did not take part in the hostage-holding

march 7th: yea

Dan Heng: it was just stelle and caelus

natasha: you aren’t going to help??

Dan Heng: no

march 7th: nope

natasha: okay

prepare for trouble: im gonna ask asta for a motherhood book

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHOS THE FATHER

and make it double!: we stole a baby so im technically the father lmao

prepare for trouble: i dont trust you with a baby

and make it double!: i dont trust you either

Dan Heng: put the baby back

march 7th: i gave it a knife

Dan Heng: why did you give the baby a knife

march 7th: it likes the knife

Dan Heng: should i add the baby to the data bank?

serval: what
 THE STELLARON CAN PARENT!!!!
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

beleognjfbfjsnsnsbog and the astral express and the baby part 2

march 7th: THE BABY SAID ITS FIRST WORDS

natasha: what was it?

Dan Heng: it was “shit”

natasha: what

gepard: PHT THE BABY BACK

Dan Heng: how are we supposed to pulmonary hypertension the baby back?

gepard: i was having a good day

gepard: you made it a slightly less good day

Dan Heng: my bad

✨ remy ✨ :

serval: SHUT UP
✨ remy ✨ : I SENT ONE EMOJI

serval: IM GOING TO SET YOUR FIRE ON HOUSE

Dan Heng: set your fire on house?

serval: OH WELL PARDON ME FOR MY FOOLISH SPELLING ERRORS WOE IS ME

Dan Heng: what

serval: i am entering my villain arc

gepard: yeah ok go to sleep you stayed up until 4am

serval: aeaeaeaeaeaeaeaaeaeaeaa

prepare for trouble: guys the stellaron told me how to feed a child

Dan Heng: why is the spoon levitating

Dan Heng: WHY IS THE SPOON LEVITATING

march 7th: WHY ARE YOU LETTING THE BOMB INSIDE YOU BE A PARENT WHAT IS
WRONG WITTH YOU

and make it double!: SPAGHETTI

serval: THERES A ABABY ON THE TRAIN?? THROW THE BITCH OUT

and make it double!: WHERE??? INTO FUCKING SPACE???? BROS GONNA CRASH DOWN
LIKE A FUCKING METEORITE

gepard: the baby will die

pela: GIVE ME THE BABY WHAT THE FUCK

prepare for trouble: do you want me to like?? toss it to you??? like a fucking rugby ball?????

Dan Heng: WHY.

march 7th: what do we name it

Dan Heng: march, there’s no way you’re seriously considering keeping the baby

✨ remy ✨ : i suggest we name it cornelius

Dan Heng: your opinion is irrelevant to our current discussion. out with you, peasant.

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

pela: lets name it chad lmao

Dan Heng: pretty sure the baby is female

pela: chaderina

Dan Heng: let’s name it chad, sure why not

prepare for trouble: CHAD IS FUCKING CRYING AGAIN IM GONNA KILL MYSELG

and make it double!: DO A FLIP OFF THE EXPRESS

prepare for trouble: FUCK YOU

and make it double!: I WISH SOMEONE WOULD

Dan Heng: no

march 7th: ill go get asta to buy some baby food for chad

gepard: as far as i’m aware, kidnapping is illegal

prepare for trouble: not if the hostage never finds out its a hostage situation

pela: im surprised the baby isnt dead yet tbh

Dan Heng: so am i
 cereal or milk first?
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

stelle asks the gc a question. again. and seele beats sampo up. again.

Chapter Notes

sorry for no chad appearance this chapter

pela: WHO WANTS TO PULL AN ALL NIGHTER WITH ME

natasha: PELA YOU NEED TO STOP THIS IS NOT HEALTHY

pela: i know

march 7th: its 11pm go to sleep

pela: im pulling an all nighter

march 7th: why

pela: im pulling an all nighter

march 7th: thanks for the explanation

pela: youre welcome

Dan Heng: it’s not 11pm, it’s 10am

gepard: IS TUBED MY TOe

pela: lmao speak english

gepard: IS TABTIGKGNBFJ DMYNOEFBHEINSH

pela: what

gepard: IEINEJSNS SURVEBRNDKDNRJBROEJ

serval: he stubbed his toe

Dan Heng: no words

march 7th: so true bestie

Dan Heng: you are not my bestie

gepard: DIDNDBISND STDURBR FNMY RTOKERH EHLEORHRJD

✨ remy ✨ : go to the hospital

gepard: no, it doesn’t actually hurt anymore

pela: woow english

✨ remy ✨ : I THOUGHT I COULD BE THE HERO FOR

ONE WHAT THE FUCJ

natasha: who would go to the hospital for a stubbed toe

✨ remy ✨ : i would

natasha: you refused to go to the clinic when you were dying once, you can’t talk about this

✨ remy ✨ : yes ma’am

prepare for trouble: lmao

prepare for trouble: i made lunch for the astral express crew

Dan Heng: you ordered takeout

prepare for trouble: I TIRED

Dan Heng: so am i, but i at least make lunch every other day

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nat just told me remys treatment was over so i knocked him out
cold

Dan Heng: congratulations

HOOK ☄️ : YESYESYESYESYESYESYES

natasha: thanks, now can you wheel him over to the clinic? thanks a lot seele
gepard: why do you keep knocking him out cold

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sorry i didnt let you knock him out cold?

gepard: …

gepard: sure let’s go with that

✨ remy ✨ : exCUSE ME???

march 7th: HOLY SHIT HES ALIVE gET THE BUG SPRAY

✨ remy ✨ : WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME

Dan Heng: since when could the bugs talk?

pela: KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT

✨ remy ✨ : save me @gepard

gepard: why

✨ remy ✨ : WDYM WHY???

prepare for trouble: milk or cereal first

natasha: stelle no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: cereal

✨ remy ✨ : milk

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: never talk to me again

✨ remy ✨ : i fucking will

gepard: cereal first

✨ remy ✨ : actually no cereal is always first whoever says

otherwise is objectively wrong

serval: simp

Dan Heng: milk first, then cereal

serval: WHAT

serval: anyways bowl first

and make it double!: cereal, milk, spoon, bowl

march 7th: IS THIS WHY POMPOMS BEEN YELLING AT ME FOR SPILLING CEREAL
EVERYWHERE

march 7th: I HATE YOU

natasha: okay stop, we are not making this a cereal saga season 2

pela: i need a nap

natasha: so do i

bronya rand : happy 11am

serval: i am on the verge of going insane

 pudding
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

gepard does not know what losing it means

Dan Heng: morning

gepard: mogifnfirmrngjrn i rnenekekdjdj

serval: are you okay

gepard: no

natasha: good morning :)

✨ remy ✨ : I HAVE PUDDING

natasha: ok

✨ remy ✨ : also gm bbg @gepard

gepard: good morning

✨ remy ✨ : YOU DIDNT BLOCK ME??? CHEERS TO

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT PEOPLE

serval: get help

✨ remy ✨ :

pela: its that time of the year when you wear a sweater in the morning and regret it in the afternoon.
good morning everyone

gepard: it’s always cold here, seasons don’t exist

Dan Heng: i’m going to lose it

gepard: then find it?

Dan Heng: …

Dan Heng: i’m going to bed

gepard: goodnight

march 7th: isnt it morning

serval: do you know what losing it means

gepard: yes

gepard: it means to lose something

serval: you aren’t wrong

serval: but you aren’t right either

serval: ykw im going to sleep

gepard: good morning

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sometimes im convinced you cant speak fucking english

prepare for trouble: SAMPO STOLE MY FUCKING PUDDING

Dan Heng: from the Express??

prepare for trouble: YES

march 7th: I WAS RHE ONE WHO BOUGHT THE PUDDING WHAT ARE YOU ON
ABOUT???

✨ remy ✨ : gotta say the pudding tasted nice

march 7th: thank you?

prepare for trouble: kill yourself

✨ remy ✨ : two types of people

pela: you have all lost your minds

and make it double!: CHAD ESCAPED

and make it double!: I REPEAT. CHAD ESCAPED

pela: THIS IS WHY YOU DONT STEAL BABIES WHILE DRUNK

march 7th: …brand new sentence?

 prolonged eye contact
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

i just vomit whatever my brain thinks of into this fic enjoy

✨ remy ✨ : good afternoon

prepare for trouble: kill yourself *beatboxes*

Dan Heng: ???

serval: my head hurts

natasha: get well soon, serval! :)

✨ remy ✨ : aaaaafternoon nat

natasha: i did not invite you into this conversation

natasha: anywho, when is the new shipment of medical supplies arriving? they should’ve arrived a
day ago

✨ remy ✨ : sorry nat i was busy flirting w gepard

gepard: you tried to poison me. again.

✨ remy✨ :
natasha: i fully support you, but people are dying here

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i do not support you, and people are dying here

Dan Heng: i moderately support you, so people are dying here

serval: i will beat you up

pela: 4 types of people

and make it double!: i bought a microwave can someone test it for me

Dan Heng: am i supposed to go inside the microwave?

and make it double!: you don’t have to since youre already so hot

pela: happy pride everyone

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @and make it double! ill put you in the microwave dont fucking
try me

march 7th: sit back and relax and enjoy

✨ remy ✨ : a healthy dose of

bronya rand : prolonged eye contact.

serval: (prolonged eye contact!)

Dan Heng: march, will you stop doing this in my dms every time i speak with caelus?

march 7th: no lol its funny

march 7th: PROLONGED EYE CONTACT

prepare for trouble: (PROLONGED EYE CONTACT!!)

Dan Heng: @gepard now i understand how you felt

gepard: how i felt? when??

pela: chapter 6: it’s no longer “if you squint” anymore

serval: you confuse me

pela: good

march 7th: why is “and?” grammatically correct but “&?” isnt

Dan Heng: …

pela: good question

✨ remy ✨ : anything is grammatically correct if you fuck it

up enough

serval: terrible advice

✨ remy ✨ : thank you

serval: youre welcome

pela changed bronya rand ’s name to bromya ramd

pela: lets see how long it takes for her to find out
 tea mixed with coffee mixed with water mixed with juice mixed with soda
mixed with vinegar mixed with milk mixed with ranch dressing mixed with
wine mixed with salt
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

soup

pela: *sips tea mixed with coffee mixed with water mixed with juice mixed with soda mixed with
vinegar mixed with milk mixed with ranch dressing mixed with wine mixed with salt*

gepard: what

✨ remy ✨ : i made pela some soup and she said it tasted like
tea mixed with coffee mixed with water mixed with juice mixed with soda mixed with vinegar
mixed with milk mixed with ranch dressing mixed with wine mixed with salt

✨ remy ✨ : im surprised she managed to figure out every

single ingredient

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: are you trying to fucking poison someone???

✨ remy ✨ : it tastes fine to me?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: youre the person who drinks fucking sea water

natasha: sampo drinks what

✨ remy ✨ : DONT KNOCK IT BEFORE YOU TRY IT

SMH
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IF I TRIED IT ID BE FUCKING DEAD

✨ remy ✨ : WEAK.

Dan Heng: how are you not dead yet?

✨ remy ✨ : qploth blessed me

gepard: well i’m sure qlipoth would appreciate it if you spelled their name right

gepard: also, we’ve had this discussion before; no, you aren’t blessed by qlipoth

✨ remy ✨ : let me dream

bromya ramd : no

pela: hello bromya

bromya ramd : hello pela

serval: sometimes im scared that im delusional and my singing is actually horrible and my fans are
just people who feel bad for me

pela: are you ok???? your texts have been progressively more and more concerning

gepard: your singing is great, serval :)

✨ remy ✨ : WHY ARENT YOU LIKE THIS

TO ME
gepard: shut up

Dan Heng: @ ✨ remy ✨ say another word and i’ll make

sure you never see the light of day again

gepard: please don’t

✨ remy ✨ :

gepard: what

march 7th: @Dan Heng DO IT DO IT DO IT

Dan Heng: technically, he never said ‘a word’ in the literal sense

✨ remy ✨ : WOOOOOO

Dan Heng: ‘WOOOOOO’ is not a word either, much to everybody’s dismay

march 7th: @ ✨ remy ✨ say somethingggg

✨ remy ✨ : hes gonna kill me if i do

✨ remy ✨ : wait

✨ remy ✨ : oh no

✨ remy ✨ : oh NO
Dan Heng: i am at your door

serval: he is at your door

Dan Heng: if i’m being honest, i’m just here to deliver pizza

✨ remy ✨ : FINALLY I DONT DIE BY EVERYONE IN

THE GCS HANDS????

natasha: *gun

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: *scythe

Dan Heng: *spear

bromya ramd : *gun, again

prepare for trouble: *flaming lance

and make it double!: *bat

pela: *lasers

march 7th: *bow

HOOK ☄️ : *diggertron

clara and mr. svarog!: *svarog ^ - ^

serval: *guitar

gepard: …

✨ remy ✨ : i still die like once per week

✨ remy ✨ : what difference does it make

serval: emo

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT
 belobog household
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

the gc is like a family, so who plays the role of what family figure?

Chapter Notes

GUYS HELP I CAN FEEL THE SAMPO/GEPPIE HYPERFIXATION LEAVING

HOW DO I MAKE IT STAY

✨ remy ✨ : what do bees make

gepard: what are bees

march 7th: thats probably the most unexpected way that pickup line couldve went

✨ remy ✨ : HEY

serval: L

Dan Heng: you honestly deserve that

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thank god the pickup line didnt work bc i cannot stand flirting via
text

bromya ramd : morning, seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: DNFJFNJDNDN GOOD MORNGING BRONYAAAA!!!

✨ remy ✨ : YOU HYPOCRITE

bromya ramd : who changed my name to bromya ramd

pela: me

pela changed bromya ramd ’s name to bronya rand

and make it double!: coward

clara and mr. svarog!: mr. svarog just took me to buy some ice cream, it was really tasty! ( ￣ ▽ ￣
) unfortunately, i ate all of it too quickly and got brainfreeze (*´Д ｀ *)

serval: I HAVE SOME WATER DO YOU WANT SOME WATER? I THINK ITLL HELP WITH
YOUR BRAINFREEZE

clara and mr. svarog!: thank you for the kind offer, miss serval! ( ＾ ∀ ＾ ) my brainfreeze is
already better, though! （ ╹◡╹ ）

serval: its no problem at all clara!!!!! always happy to help (^○^)

march 7th: why are you only nice to nat and clara

serval: do not question me

pela: ifeel sick

pela: its remys fault

pela: im suing for attempted poisoning

✨ remy ✨ : IM

✨ remy ✨ : ITS NOT THAT BAD YOURE ALL LYING

TO ME

serval: HOW LOW ARE YOUR STANDARDS????

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: probably incredibly low

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: considering how he kept texting me nonstop about his crush half
a year ago

✨ remy ✨ : HEYHEYHEY DONT BRING THAT UP

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IT WAS IN DECEMBER

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SIX. MONTHS. AGO.

pela: wow

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IF YOU THINK IM LETTING YOU LIVE THIS SHIT DOWN
YOU ARE WRONG

✨ remy ✨ : in my defense you were doing the same thing

about bronya only a couple months ago

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i did not

✨ remy ✨ : i am fully capable of leaking our texts

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ill do things to you that could land me a life sentence if you do

serval: shits about to go DOWN in the belobog household

serval: speaking of household who would be the mom in this household

march 7th: either bronya or gepard or natasha

serval: true

serval: i would not trust bronya with a child tho

serval: she already works herself half to death

serval: imagine what would happen if we added a child to the mix

gepard: so do you trust me with a child?

serval: no

serval: for the exact same reason

gepard: touché

serval: also sampo would kill the child

gepard: double touché

✨ remy ✨ : a toast to killing children

natasha: i wake up and this is the first thing i see when i open my texts?

natasha: also, to answer your question @serval, i think i’m the only person in this group who can
handle a child

serval: you wake up at 11 in the morning??

natasha: mentally

serval: triple touché

march 7th: mood

natasha: tired

march 7th: thats not what it means but i feel you

bronya rand : me too

natasha: please stop touching me, that’s unhygienic

serval: anyways who would be the dad of the group

natasha: i’d be the single parent of the group

natasha: because none of you are really all that parent-like

✨ remy ✨ : id be the uncle that was banned from family
gatherings

natasha: because you would give the child alcohol

✨ remy ✨ : because i would give the child alcohol

natasha: anyway, we’ll continue the family discussion for another time, the chapter is getting a
little long

pela: youre right bye lol

march 7th: wth are you two talking about??

 i am in your walls
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

this chapter is kinda everywhere tbh

Chapter Notes

the dan heng feeling sick is a true story, it happened to me while writing this. yes im
fine now dw

natasha: dan heng is the son that locks himself in his room at least 20 hours a day

Dan Heng: it’s because i must record everything in the data bank

march 7th: im sure

serval: theres a mouse in my walls

pela: FIRST OF ALL IM NOT THAT SHORT

gepard: why are you in serval’s walls again??

pela: remy is in your walls all the time and you never complain

gepard: HE IS IN MY WHAT .

✨ remy ✨ : I CAN EXPLAIN

serval: you cant

Dan Heng: you’ll get used to it eventually, stelle is in my walls all the time

and make it double!: thats not stelle lmao thats me

Dan Heng: that makes it worse

prepare for trouble: common caelus L

natasha: stelle would be the gay daughter that has probably committed a crime

prepare for trouble: probably?? i have committed a crime

natasha: anything else you’d like to share with the group?

prepare for trouble: i have 17 counts of murder, 15 of them being sampo

serval: who were the other two

serval: im curious

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: how the fuck did you get away with 17 counts of murder

✨ remy ✨ : YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH 17 COUNTS

OF MURDER BUT WHEN I STEAL 1 CREDIT FROM SOMEONE THE SILVERMANE
GUARDS ARE OUT TO GET MY ASS

bronya rand : you keep sounding the alarms, it’s almost like you do this on
purpose
✨ remy ✨ : youre absolutely correct

✨ remy ✨ : i do it on purpose

Dan Heng: why?

Dan Heng: nevermind, i think i know why

gepard: THIS IS THE REASON I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 4 IN THE MORNING????

✨ remy ✨ : you keep waking up at 4am to see me??

✨ remy ✨ : thats kinda gay

gepard: it’s my job??

serval: tune in to They’re Married But They Don’t Know That Yet every day at 10:00am. every.
fucking. day.

gepard: we aren’t married??

serval: CASE IN POINT.

and make it double!: *eats milk from the fridge*

natasha: eat… milk?

and make it double!: do not underestimate my power

Dan Heng: my stomach hurts

Dan Heng: my room smells like garlic

Dan Heng: i need medical attention please

prepare for trouble: THE WEAK WILL DIE

Dan Heng: everything hurts

Dan Heng: am i going to die

natasha: don’t be so rash

Dan Heng: it’s getting worse

march 7th: DANDAN PLEASE DONT DIE ON ME

march 7th: YOU STILL OWE ME 100 CREDITS

Dan Heng: thanks a lot?

and make it double!: if you die i just wanna say we’re no strangers to love you know the rules and
so do i

Dan Heng: what

march 7th: i think i understand what imaginary damage means now

natasha: seele is the aunt who has dirt on everyone

bronya rand : even me?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: especially you

bronya rand : quadruple touché

natasha: where is hook

✨ remy ✨ : i tied her to a drone

natasha: WHY DID YOU TIE HER TO A DRONE

✨ remy ✨ : she asked

natasha: this is why you should not have children

bronya rand : is that why there’s a kid in midair??

pela: SIMBA

✨ remy ✨ : THATS NOT HOW THE LION KING GOES

pela: NOBODY CARES REMY

Dan Heng: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

natasha: okay @ ✨ remy ✨ take him to the clinic

Dan Heng: no thanks

Dan Heng: i’ll just walk

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT.

Dan Heng: i took a nap and i’m fine now

natasha: that’s good

march 7th: I PLANNED YOUR FUCKING FUNERAL AND YOU LIVE????? HOW DARE
YOU
 hepatitis
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

happy 40th chapter!!! only 29 more to go

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what a peaceful day it is today

✨ remy ✨ : SEELE PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS

Dan Heng: and you expect us to do anything about it?

✨ remy ✨ : quintuple touché

serval: im surprised you guys are still keeping up with the touché thing

march 7th: ikr

Dan Heng: someone put mayonnaise in the milk supply

Dan Heng: i will kill whoever it is

march 7th: it was probably caelus

Dan Heng: it probably is

pela: saxophone
pela: saxophone does not sound like a real word

pela: saxophone

serval: what

prepare for trouble: i stole someones speedometer

and make it double!: i stole a baby

pela: i stole shoelaces from the president

✨ remy ✨ : i stole geppies heart

natasha: give it back to him?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: please spare me the cringe and leave relationship matters in dms

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: this will be your first and last warning

✨ remy ✨ : what if i dont follow the warning

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ill remove every single doorknob from your house

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i know you only have pull doors in your house

✨ remy ✨ : okok ill stop

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i know you wont

✨ remy ✨ : sextuple touché

pela: the relationship matters are honestly the only thing that keeps this fic interesting

natasha: i don’t exactly agree, the arguments can be quite entertaining. however, they are also quite
the headache to deal with

serval: what the fuCK ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT

natasha: sorry, serval

march 7th: THERES A BUG IN MY ROOM FOR REAL THIS TIME

Dan Heng: and?

prepare for trouble: what if a salad is called a salad because it sal ad

natasha: ?

pela: what is wrong with you

bronya rand : just finished up with some paperwork

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BRONYABRONYABRONYABRONYAAAA

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i bought you a cake and flowers and books and coffee and pillows
and plushies and

✨ remy ✨ : HYPOCRITE
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SILENCE

pela: SAXOPHONE

Dan Heng: what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hey hepatitis

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: *GEPARD

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FUCK

prepare for trouble changed gepard’s name to hepatitis

hepatitis: what

pela: hello hepatitis

hepatitis: why

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @prepare for trouble i will Weakness Break your neck

prepare for trouble: FUCKING GO AHEAD

serval: tune in to Seele Will Kill You at whenever the fuck seele wants

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: youre next

serval: ad break

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: START RUNNING.

 GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

its 3am and everyone tries to get everyone to go to sleep

serval: morning hepatitis

hepatitis: sigh

hepatitis: it’s 3AM

✨ remy ✨ : happy 3AM hepatitis

hepatitis: why are you up at 3AM??? go to sleep

pela: good afternoon

hepatitis: it’s not afternoon

pela: technically it is

hepatitis: i’m going to bed

✨ remy ✨ : good morning sleep tight

hepatitis: i’m blocking you

✨ remy ✨ : you wouldnt

hepatitis: you’re right, i’m too tired. now let me sleep

✨ remy ✨ : love you too

✨ remy ✨ : why is seele outside my door

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you know exactly why i am outside your door

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: its to take your doorknobs

serval: good luck im going to sleep lmao

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i have a gun

bronya rand : i gave her permission to use my gun

✨ remy ✨ : LADY BRONYA?? YOU ARENT GONNA

HELP ME OUT????

bronya rand : do i have to?

pela: I HATE WRITERS BLOCK IM GONNA THROW ME AND THIS FUCKING

COMPUTER OUT THE WINDOW

bronya rand : please don’t throw anything out the window

pela: bronya can you make me a cup of coffee tahnks

serval: sampi kosko

✨ remy ✨ : no

pela: stampede costco

✨ remy ✨ : why do you do this

pela: i think you forget that i can ban you at will

✨ remy ✨ : i could probably get hepatitis to nag you to add

me back

hepatitis: i guess this is what i get for calling you remy

pela: im tired

natasha: somebody needs to lock this group chat during the hours of 10pm-6am

natasha: unfortunately, all the admins here have the maturity of children

pela: septuple touché

✨ remy ✨ : so can i be admin

natasha: you have the maturity of a toddler and the tolerability of a bug in your room that you can
never find buzzing nonstop

✨ remy ✨ : OUCH
hepatitis: you honestly deserve that

✨ remy ✨ : I THOUGHT YOU WERE ASLEEP????? also

arent you supposed to defend me

hepatitis: no

✨ remy ✨ : im sad

hepatitis: okay

hepatitis: anywho, i’m going back to sleep

bronya rand : good morning

pela: its 3 and a half in the morning

pela: did i just say 3 and a half in the morning

bronya rand : your point is?

natasha: you have to go to sleep

bronya rand : okay

pela: yes ma’am

✨ remy ✨ : DISPERSE
natasha: good

pela: GOODMORNIG EVEHUROENE ITS 6AM I CAN TYPE NOW

natasha: good morning

hepatitis: i slept well

✨ remy ✨ : YOU SLEPT FOR 3 FUCKING HOURS

THATS NOT WELL

hepatitis: so did you

✨ remy ✨ : ill sedate you

natasha: don’t sedate people

natasha: unless you’re me

natasha: because i have a medical license

natasha: anyway, back to the topic at hand, adults need to get at least 7 hours of sleep . you both
got 3

hepatitis: good point, but so did you

pela: dhdjfbjdfhjdbd

hepatitis: it seems that pela got even less sleep than us

Dan Heng: i’m actually a functioning human being who got an adequate amount of sleep, unlike
you four

march 7th: i stayed up ALL FUCKIGN NIGHT to take care of chad

march 7th: ungrateful shits

natasha: language, please

march 7th: english

 solipokemunessfishrevoludare
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

everyone is tired

serval: do you like your new name @hepatitis

hepatitis: no

serval: then why dont you go bother stelle or caelus or pela to change your name back

hepatitis: the exact same reason why remy doesn’t

serval: and what is remys reason

hepatitis: no clue

hepatitis: i just figured the reasons would be similar

✨ remy ✨ : its because PELA KEEPS SHUTTING ME

DOWN WHENEVER I TALK ABOUT WANTING TO CHANGE MY NAME

pela: THERE IS NO NAME CHANGING IN BA SING SE

natasha: what

serval: CLARA JUST GAVE ME A MINI ROBOT BASED OFFF OF MYSELF IM GONNA
CRY
clara and mr. svarog!: i’m glad you like it! ( ´ ▽ ` ) please don’t cry, though! i don’t like seeing
people cry ( ＞人＜ ;)

march 7th: im gonna take the baby fishing

and make it double!: where??? outer space???? bitch theres no water here

march 7th: ok bc you said that youre gonna be the bait

pela: fork

natasha: spoon

✨ remy ✨ : knife

serval: gun

prepare for trouble: thats a weird way to play rock paper scissors

hepatitis: do you not eat with utensils?

Dan Heng: two people walk into a bar.

Dan Heng: “ouch.” they both say.

march 7th: I HATE YOU

pela: its fun to stay at the

hepatitis: @Dan Heng WHY.

pela: mca

hepatitis: ???

Dan Heng: was this scripted? this feels scripted

natasha: no

hepatitis: okay then

pela: ACE OF HEARTS I CHOOSE YOU

prepare for trouble: UNO

hepatitis: i thought we were playing chess

pela: no we arent

serval: WERENT WE PLAYING GO FISH

Dan Heng: ?

HOOK ☄️ : I THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE!!!????!?

march 7th: WE WERE PLAYING DDR GET IT RIGHT

natasha: are you all okay??

Dan Heng: they were playing solipokemunessfishrevoludare

natasha: what

[ MOVIE NIGHT!!!! ]

pela: WERE WATCHING SPIRITED AWAY TONIGHT 8PM ANY OBJECTIONS

✨ sampo koski ✨ : what

pela: shut up

bronya rand : no objections

pela: good

pela: anyway 8PM TONIGHT DO NOT FORGET IT

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

and make it double!: i wanna play solipokemunessfishrevoludare sounds fun as hell

serval: trust me you dont

Dan Heng: i doubt you have the intellectual abilities to be able to play
solipokemunessfishrevoludare
and make it double!: FUCKING TRY ME

and make it double!: LETS PLAY SOLIPOKEMUNESSFISHREVOLUDARE RIGHT HERE

RIGHT NOW

natasha: sigh
 doorknobs
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

idk anymore

pela: monday is real and knows your location

serval: ok

hepatitis: that’s the most ominous way i’ve ever been told that it’s sunday

hepatitis: thanks i guess

pela: youre welcome

serval: stop that

pela: why

serval: no

pela: yes

✨ remy ✨ : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

hepatitis: is there anything wrong? are you in pain??

✨ remy ✨ : SEELE TOOK MY DOORKNOBS :((((

hepatitis: do you want me to buy you some new doorknobs?

✨ remy ✨ : YES PLEASE CAN I COME WITH

hepatitis: sure, i guess?

✨ remy ✨ : LETS GOOOOOOO

pela: and they were enemies

prepare for trouble: oh my god they were enemies

serval: LMAOO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hello

and make it double!: EVERYONE RUN

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU CANT FUCKING RUN FROM ME

Dan Heng: hello, seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hello

✨ remy ✨ : I CANT FIND ANY FUCKING

DORRKNOBES
Dan Heng: maybe if you knew how to spell doorknobs correctly, you’d have an easier time

✨ remy ✨ : RUDE

Dan Heng: i’m not rude, i’m simply correcting you

✨ remy ✨ : im gonna kill you

Dan Heng: i’d like to see you try

march 7th: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

natasha: don’t fight

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i broke into bronyas office

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i like her chair it go spinny

prepare for trouble: cool

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: go away

bronya rand : seele, please, can i have my chair back yet?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: not until you go outside and take a break for once

bronya rand : fine

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: now if youll excuse me i have necks to break

prepare for trouble: NO

natasha: seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thanks for your concern but i won’t have any trouble fighting back
whoever resists

natasha: seele.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sorry

✨ remy ✨ : ALL HAIL NATASHA

natasha: you’re lucky i’m in a good mood

hepatitis: i look away for 2 minutes

Dan Heng: you get used to it

✨ remy ✨ : in my defense seele was going to break my neck

hepatitis: and i would’ve let her

✨ remy ✨ : GASP.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: good luck remy

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: youll need it

hepatitis: i’m leaving

✨ remy ✨ : WE DIDNT GET THE FUCKING

DOORKNOSB
 march lost her phone
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

the title explains everything

Chapter Notes

SPOILERS FOR SPIRITED AWAY

natasha: good evening

serval: hi

hepatitis: good evening to you too

prepare for trouble: you guys are boring

march 7th: I LOST MY PHONE

Dan Heng: i sure wonder where it is

hepatitis: you’re texting with it right now

serval: shhh

hepatitis: ???
prepare for trouble: i think its lost forever

prepare for trouble: sorry

march 7th: HEY

march 7th: ykw ill get asta to buy me a phone

march 7th: wait

march 7th: wait a second

march 7th: I HATE YOU ALL

prepare for trouble: LMAOO

Dan Heng: worth it

hepatitis: i told you?

pela: im sooooo tired

bronya rand : i just saw pela grab an entire jug of coffee and drink the whole
thing in one go

bronya rand : @natasha come quick please

natasha: @ ✨ remy ✨ get her to the clinic, stat

✨ remy ✨ : ok

natasha: good

bronya rand : oh

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: if you fuck up this errand ill kill you

bronya rand : SHE IS UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR

bronya rand : IS SHE GOING TO DIE??

prepare for trouble: ok im gonna plan a funeral just in case

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: go ahead and see what fucking happens

[ MOVIE NIGHT!!!! ]

bronya rand : how did you guys like spirited away?

✨ sampo koski ✨ : IM GONNA CRY THE ENDING WAS

SO SAD

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: good

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: cry

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: also why tf are you texting while escorting pela to the clinic
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: also why did you attend movie night

✨ sampo koski ✨ : i got my priorities

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: your priorities suck

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: yo

pela: im back

bronya rand : i’m banning you from coffee

pela: no

bronya rand : yes

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im banning you from coffee

bronya rand : you can’t do that

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yes i can

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: watch me

natasha: i’m banning you from killing people if they disagree with you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: >:(

✨ remy ✨ : @natasha im banning you from

✨ remy ✨ : from uhh

natasha: go on

✨ remy ✨ : i feel like if i say anything id get obliterated on

the spot

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you would

✨ remy ✨ : sigh i guess this is the price of being famous

Dan Heng: you aren’t famous

✨ remy ✨ : so explain why everyone says im wanted

hepatitis: qlipoth give me patience

 perfume
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

remy accidentally gets some perfume in his mouth

serval: i went out and bought a crosiennesnsnt does anyone wanna share

serval: coriasnat

serval: FUCK

Dan Heng: croissant?

serval: corsiotn

serval: yeah

✨ remy ✨ : i i acidenendtly put prrufme in my mtoutb im

goign to diiiieie

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SPEAK FUCKING ENGLISH

natasha: langauge, seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im not a kid anymore

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: dont treat me like one

serval: @hepatitis help

hepatitis: ???

serval: i tried cooking some vegetables like you asked me to and uhhh

serval: [burnt_frying_pan.jpg]

hepatitis: what

hepatitis: WHAT DID YOU DO

serval: I DONT FUCKING KNOW

prepare for trouble: looks edible enough

serval: thats a frying pan

prepare for trouble: did i stutter

hepatitis: didn’t i buy that for you??

serval: sorry

hepatitis: you owe me 200 shield

serval: @ ✨ remy ✨ give me 200 shield

serval: i have a guitar

✨ remy ✨ : and yall say im the criminal wtf

serval: yes

serval: i never said i was any better

✨ remy ✨ : why is the supreme guardian always offline

whenever im getting beat up

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: cause she has a life

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: unlike you

pela: rip

✨ remy ✨ : come to the underworld @hepatitis

hepatitis: why

✨ remy ✨ : reasons

hepatitis: you’d probably kill me

✨ remy ✨ : yeah

hepatitis: ???

serval: ???
pela: ???

natasha: what’s going on?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: who wants to bet that remys trying to kidnap hepatitis

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: again

Dan Heng: again??

march 7th: WHAT DO YOU MEAN AGAIN????

✨ remy ✨ : anyway so do yall wanna play uno

clara and mr. svarog!: i’d like to play! ^_^

[ serval, ✨ sampo koski ✨ ]

serval: let clara play or ill beat the shit out of you

✨ sampo koski ✨ : OK OK JEEZ

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

✨ remy ✨ : sure you can play

serval: good
clara and mr. svarog!: yay! （＾ ω ＾）

pela: wait how tf do we play uno online

serval: we dont

serval: open up pela

pela: WHAT

✨ remy ✨ : I STILL TASTE THE PERFUME HELP ME

serval: no

serval: suffer in silence

natasha: you’ll be fine, don’t overreact

prepare for trouble: i just drank an entire bottle of perfume

prepare for trouble: weakling

Dan Heng: what

march 7th: MY PERFUME???

and make it double!: rip bozo

Dan Heng: ????

and make it double!: HELLO DANDAN!!11!

march 7th: what am i, the 7th wheel??

serval: we’re all the 7th wheel in this

serval: cheers

march 7th: is this perfume

serval: shh
 spicy noodles
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

???

serval: im gonna buy a new frying pan anyone wanna come with

pela: why would anyone come with you to buy a frying pan

serval: octuple touché

✨ remy ✨ : hi

prepare for trouble: shut up

✨ remy ✨ : THIS IS BULLYING

hepatitis: grow up

✨ remy ✨ : damn now hepatitis is bullying me too

hepatitis: do not call me hepatitis

✨ remy ✨ : ok hepatitis

HOOK ☄️ : my phone is heating up again HELP

✨ remy ✨ : put it in water

serval: NO

serval: anyway, you should turn it off, don’t charge it

and make it double!: its free heating be grateful

march 7th: FREEZE IT FREEZE IT

serval: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

HOOK ☄️ : THANKS EVERYONE

✨ remy ✨ : youre welcome

HOOK ☄️ : EXCEPT SMAPO

HOOK ☄️ : FUCK YOU SAMPO

natasha: alright, who taught hook how to say the F word?

natasha: was it you @ ✨ remy ✨ ?

✨ remy ✨ : lsitne idk why yall balme me for evryirjtbingn

natasha: ?
✨ remy ✨ : evegurjtbjtb

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: go to sleep smh

✨ remy ✨ : im fine seeeleeeeee

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: stfu

serval: you better gtfts

hepatitis: yeah, whatever serval said

hepatitis: what does gtfts mean, again?

serval: go the fuck to sleep

hepatitis: alright then, goodnight

serval: WAIT COME BACK

pela: damn is your brother that stupid

serval: isnt he your boss

prepare for trouble: wait i thought bronya was pelas boss wtf

serval: uhhh something something architects

prepare for trouble: also why the FUCK ARE YOU GUYS CALLED ARCHITECTS WHEN
YOU ARENT ACTUAL ARCHITECTS IVE BEEN LOSING SLEEP OVER THIS

Dan Heng: i can confirm

serval: idk

serval: ask bronya

prepare for trouble: ok

natasha: this truly is the most group chat ever

natasha: …whatever that means

natasha: seele taught me some slang

Dan Heng: with all due respect, never use slang again

natasha: why? i think it’s totes yeet yo

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i agree with dan heng please stop

natasha: okay

natasha: i need to clock into work now, bye everyone

natasha: please don’t do anything stupid while i’m gone, especially you @ ✨
remy ✨ . seele, dan heng, gepard, take care of everyone
serval: why do you make it sound like youre abandoning us or smth

natasha: i might

serval: what

✨ remy ✨ : IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES

STUPID SHIT IN THE GC

hepatitis: you’re the one who does the most stupid stuff, so i think it’s fair

pela: say shit

serval: do it. say shit

march 7th: SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT

and make it double!: you cant run from us forever

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nat put me in charge

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: so you better be on your best fucking behavior

pela: i regret

march 7th: you regret what

pela: hepatitis said the food he cooked wasnt spicy so i tried it

pela: i need to go to the er

hepatitis: it wasn’t spicy, your spice tolerance is just much too low

serval: you wimp

pela: YOU TRY IT YOURSELF

pela: SEE WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS

prepare for trouble: uh oh pelas mad

serval: tbh i can only imagine you sitting at your desk absolutely livid while texting this

serval: like “ ”

pela: ILL KILL YOU

 LORE BOMB
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

geppie says shit and lore bomb

Chapter Notes

yes i hc that sampo and nat are cousins :)

march 7th: dndeu

march 7th: sjkw ekake dhdbd

march 7th: djeinrjdnfbfj

Dan Heng: it’s only 25°C

serval: ONLY??? BITCH IM SWEATING RN AND IM IN BELOBOG

and make it double!: WEAK

hepatitis: SHIT I DROPPED MY FOOD

hepatitis: no wait

hepatitis: how do you delete a message

hepatitis: help

serval: LMAOSHRDJDBJEDJSNDBD

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: congratulations

✨ remy ✨ : i think this calls for a celebration

hepatitis: it does not

serval: DONT MAKE ME ARRANGE IT IM GETTING FLASHBACKS

march 7th: i can still taste the cooking oil :(

hepatitis: what

serval: in my defense it wasnt my fault

serval: it was remys

✨ remy ✨ : hi its remy

✨ remy ✨ : wait no

✨ remy ✨ : shit i meant sampo

march 7th: HA

serval: STAGE 5: ACCEPTANCE

Dan Heng: cue confetti

✨ remy ✨ :

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: shame on you

pela: shame on your family

✨ remy ✨ : what family

pela: oh

pela: new trauma unlocked

serval: uhhhh

natasha: you can’t be harping on about ‘having no family’, remy. i exist, you know

Dan Heng: WHAT

serval: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN

natasha: i thought everyone here knew that we were related?

serval: NO?????

serval: WHAT THE FUCK

pela: new lore unlocked

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU CALL HER MA’AM AND SHES YOUR FUCKINF
COUSIN OR SMTH?????

✨ remy ✨ : LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WE ARE THE SAME AGE

serval: WHAT

pela: new lore unlocked

✨ remy ✨ : I WAS BORN 3 DAYS AFTER YOU GET IT

RIGHT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU DONT EVEN KNOW YOUR FUCKING BIRTHDAY
YOU CANT TALK

Dan Heng: ???

pela: new lore unlocked

march 7th: this is just lore bomb after lore bomb after lore bomb

hepatitis: what

✨ remy ✨ : yo

✨ remy ✨ : i am being publicly doxxed

serval: you are not being publicly doxxed

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i have your address

✨ remy ✨ : so do i you arent special

clara and mr. svarog!: i have a dress too! ( ￣ ▽ ￣ )

serval: everyone stop the argument claras here

hepatitis: why do you treat clara like your daughter?

serval: why not

✨ remy ✨ : yo

serval: dont talk to me or my daughter again

 bagel
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

stelle sparks another argument (and sampo is objectively wrong. again)

Chapter Notes

one of my classmates pronounced it as bahguhl help

✨ remy ✨ : yo

pela: homophobia courses through my veins

✨ remy ✨ : what the fuck

hepatitis: what

serval: PELA?????

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i agree

bronya rand : no you dont

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no i dont

prepare for trouble: how do you pronounce bagel

prepare for trouble: caelus pronounces it bag (like handbag) uhl

and make it double!: BC ITS FUCKING RIGHT

and make it double!: YOU PRONOUNCE IT BAYJEL

pela: NEITHER OF YOU ARE RIGHT

serval: uea its pronounced baygel

and make it double!: THATS WHAT I SAID

serval: YOU DID NOT FUCKING SAY THAT YOU LIAR

hepatitis: it’s pronounced ba (like baby) gull (like seagull)

✨ remy ✨ : bajel

hepatitis: we are breaking up

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

serval: LMAOSBJSBDJSNDHSHS

natasha: gepard is correct

HOOK ☄️ : YOU ARE ALL WRONG

HOOK ☄️ : ITS PRONOUNCED DONUT

HOOK ☄️ : NOBODY EATS BAGELS ANYMORE

hepatitis: I EAT BAGELS EVERY MORNING

serval: YOU DO NOT

serval: YOU EAT FUCKING NOTHING EVERY MORNING

serval: YOU NEED TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i hate it here

bronya rand : bagel. it’s pronounced bagel.

pela: THAT EXPLAINS NOTHING

Dan Heng: what the heck

serval: say fuck

pela: say it

hepatitis: what next, you’ll make natasha say bitch?

hepatitis: wait

hepatitis: shit
hepatitis: FUCK

hepatitis: NO

hepatitis: AAAAGH

✨ remy ✨ : thats hot

serval: ILL ROCK YOUR SHIT (PUN INTENDED)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @ ✨ remy ✨ CAN YOU

SHUT THE FUCK UP

and make it double!: can we stop the argument

prepare for trouble: SHUT UP BAYJEL APOLOGIST

and make it double!: BAYJEL APOLOGIST??? WTF DID I DO

march 7th: dan heng

serval: WHAT

pela: new lore unlocked

hepatitis: what do you mean you did dan heng?

hepatitis: oh
hepatitis: i see

hepatitis: i’m going back to work, bye

✨ remy ✨ : NOOOOSJDJSNJDJS STAY WITH ME

PLEAJSJSDHJDNS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: GROW THE FUCK UP

✨ remy ✨ : YOU ACT THE SAME WAY AROUND

BRONYA YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: KYS

march 7th: ITS A FUCKING BAGEL WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO HEATED OVER THIS

✨ remy ✨ : YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

natasha: what happened here

serval: oh hi nat :)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hey nat

✨ remy ✨ : helllooooooo nataaaaashaaaaaaaa

natasha: stop that

natasha: @prepare for trouble you started another argument, didn’t you?
prepare for trouble: yes
 washing machine
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

remy is stuck in a washing machine. wooooo spinnyyy

✨ remy ✨ : guys

✨ remy ✨ : time sensitive question

✨ remy ✨ : how do you get out of a washing machine

✨ remy ✨ : asking for a friend

serval: what

✨ remy ✨ : my friend tried to hide in geppies load of

laundry and he put my friend inside the washing machine

hepatitis: WHAT.

hepatitis: YOU ARE IS INSIDE MY WASHING MACHINE???

✨ remy ✨ : MY FRIEND IS INSIDE YOUR WASHING

MACHINE

march 7th: get him out LMAOO

Dan Heng: don’t

✨ remy ✨ : do you want me to asphyxiate??

✨ remy ✨ : i mean do you want my friend to asphyxiate??

Dan Heng: yes

✨ remy ✨ : save meeeeeebsjdbjdbbhdbd

hepatitis: can you hold out for another hour? the laundry isn’t done till then

✨ remy ✨ : IM MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR

CLOTHES????

hepatitis: if i walked around with no clothes, i think that would be a big problem

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yeah no shit

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: remy i swear to god if you say ANYTHING ill chop your hands
off

✨ remy ✨ : @hepatitis i dont think that would be a problem

at all tbh

Dan Heng: i think you need to remember that you have a digital footprint

pela: someone bury me alive please

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @hepatitis permission to break into your washing machine
hepatitis: permission denied

hepatitis: ill let remy out and then you can chop his hands off

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

✨ remy ✨ : YOURE JUST GONNA LET ME GET MY

HANDS CHOPPED OFF BY SEELE????

hepatitis: if she’s serious, i may step in

✨ remy ✨ : MAY???? BITCH NOT EVEN A

GUARANTEE???????

hepatitis: i’m busy

✨ remy ✨ : yea youre always busy but you still somehow

make the time to

hepatitis: shut up

hepatitis: @prepare for trouble @and make it double! @pela mute him.

and make it double!: nononono i wanna see where this goes

pela: same but i also dont

pela has muted ✨ remy ✨ indefinitely

pela: what are you all listening to

pela: ill go first

pela: idol by yoasobi

and make it double!: that sounds french

pela: BITCH ITS FUCKING JAPANESE

serval: pela has been nagging me to let us play that song on stage

pela: BUT ITS A GOOD SONG JUST LISTEN TO IT

and make it double!: anyway im listening to this talking plants gossip

pela: ???

march 7th: lofi

prepare for trouble: trash can asmr

pela: what

pela: wait does that actually exist

pela: it does

pela: theres asmr of someone looking through his neighbors trash help
pela has unmuted ✨ remy✨

march 7th: i accidentally planned a funeral set for next week so can someone die preferably today

Dan Heng: how did you ‘accidentally’ plan a funeral?

natasha: just cancel it

✨ remy ✨ : i volunteer to die

serval: we all appreciate that

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: die. NOW

and make it double!: YOU ARE ALL WRONG ITS PRONOUNCED BAHGUHL

natasha: caelus

and make it double!: NAT HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE BAGEL

natasha: i’m not answering that

pela: this whole group has 2 braincells and theyre with dan heng and nat

hepatitis: what about me

pela: fine

pela: this whole group has 2.5 braincells

hepatitis: pela.

✨ remy ✨ : DONT YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY

LITTLE MEOW MEOW LIKE THAT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: stelle

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: mute him

✨ remy ✨ : you think i fear god

prepare for trouble: are you calling me god

prepare for trouble has muted ✨ remy ✨ indefinitely

pela: you can mute someone indefinitely????

prepare for trouble: yes

prepare for trouble: remy is spamming me again

pela: block him

prepare for trouble: hes gonna start spamming caelus

pela: get caelus to block him

prepare for trouble: hes gonna start spamming you

pela: oh

pela: sighhh do we have to unmute him

hepatitis: UNMUTE ME NOW

pela: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU USING YOUR BFS PHONE TO TYPE

hepatitis: yeah, that was sampo. sorry for the inconvenience

pela has unmuted ✨ remy ✨

pela: are you fucking happy now

✨ remy ✨ : yes

✨ remy✨ : very much so

 bagel 2
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

exactly what it says on the tin, with a bit of arguing mixed in because whats a chapter
without useless arguing

serval: @hepatitis can you make me a bagel i cant cook

hepatitis: just eat the bagel raw

serval: so like flour????

hepatitis: NO

prepare for trouble: i eat flour

prepare for trouble: i i put it on my. spahetti

hepatitis: you psychopath

prepare for trouble: youre dating someone who drinks sea water

hepatitis: i am not dating him

pela: chapter 29 says otherwise

pela: “my boyfriend is nice”

hepatitis: what

[ natasha, pela ]

natasha: we need to stop talking about chapters, it’s freaking everyone out

pela: fine

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

serval: is bagel soup a pronounced milk first

hepatitis: what

serval: true or false

hepatitis: …false?

serval: incorrect

serval: die

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IM GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

bronya rand : she lost our uno match

✨ remy ✨ : begel

hepatitis: stop.
serval: FUCK YOU

pela: ???? you fucking misspelel the bageel??.)/ you msispel the bagel like the!!! jail for rmey…
jail for remy for a THODUDWANT YEARS

✨ remy ✨ : what

bronya rand : go home, you’re tired

pela: i jsut driank coffeeim not drun

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: english???

prepare for trouble: GO TO SLEEP PELA

pela: sleep what sleep

serval: jfc

serval: @natasha sedate her

natasha: i legally can’t

serval: youre right

serval: @ ✨ remy ✨ sedate her

✨ remy ✨ : what
serval: you do illegal shit and nat legally cant sedate pela

serval: connect the dots you idiot

✨ remy ✨ : I HAVE NO MEDICAL EXPERIENCE

serval: YOU HAVE NO EXPERIENCE IN ANYTHING

serval: YOU STILL DO IT ANYWAY

✨ remy ✨ : AND???

bronya rand : why do arguments keep happening here

Dan Heng: with a group as hectic as this, it’s a wonder how this chat hasn’t fallen apart

serval: honestly you, nat and bronya might be the only ones keeping this gc from turning into an all
out war

hepatitis: and i’m not??

serval: youre dating the literal worst person here

✨ remy ✨ : I AM NOT THE WORST PERSON HERE

serval: you are

hepatitis: i don’t know how many times i’ve had to say this, but i am not dating him
serval: dw we already know

hepatitis: ???

hepatitis: so we’re going to gloss over the fact that stelle puts flour on her spaghetti?

serval: isnt flour an ingredient in pasta????

hepatitis: she puts it ON the spaghetti

serval: ???? thats what i said

natasha: will this turn into an argument

hepatitis: …DMs, now

serval: BITCH IM RIGHT

[ gepard, serval ]

gepard: i truly don’t understand how you became an architect

serval: blehhhh

gepard: ???

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]
natasha: so, how was the argument?

hepatitis: we didn’t have an argument

hepatitis: [dms_serval.jpg]

natasha: serval?

serval: dhjsbfjdnfbjdkskhs

Dan Heng: i can hear bad disco music coming from march’s room, because aeons forbid i have a
peaceful, quiet day

march 7th: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU CALL CARAMELLDANSEN BAD

hepatitis: i am losing sleep

hepatitis: because remy keeps calling me

hepatitis: at 1AM on the dot. every. single. night.

✨ remy ✨ : well you keep picking up

hepatitis: i’m going to kill you one day

✨ remy ✨ : yea yea whatever

march 7th: @hepatitis why did you word that like a poem??
serval: someone put me in the fridge

natasha: ???

serval: bc im a snack

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: who puts snacks in the fridge???

serval: NORMAL PEOPLE????

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: DOES YOUR HOUSE NOT HAVE A FUCKING CABINET
FOR SNACKS,,,

serval: ENJOY YOUR ROTTEN ASS SNACKS IG

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FUCK YOU

natasha: i keep snacks in a jar, i don’t know about you guys though

Dan Heng: only children eat snacks

march 7th: HORRIBLE take

Dan Heng: you have the maturity of one, so it at least makes sense

march 7th: i hate you

hepatitis: @Dan Heng no, march is right

Dan Heng: i’m too tired to discuss this, goodnight

hepatitis: it’s noon

 me when i make caeheng canon :)
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

caeheng is now canon. everyone say thank you to serval jiejie

serval: i just got snow in my boots

serval: im gonna kms

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: do a flip

natasha: don’t?

march 7th: where did chad go

march 7th: WHERE DID CHAD GO

hepatitis: i came to the Express and took it back

march 7th: YOU KIDNAPPED THE BABY

hepatitis: at least i didn’t do it while drunk

and make it double!: first of all

and make it double!: RUDE

[ bronya rand , pela ]

bronya rand : …what do you mean disco stick doesn’t mean glow stick

pela: IM SORRY

bronya rand : that was about an hour of my life that you took away from me

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: just made bronya read the worst fanfiction i could find lmao

hepatitis: you are probably the only person who would have the guts to do that to the supreme
guardian herself

pela: what im hearing is im better than you

Dan Heng: you people have no decorum

pela: thanks

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: pela thats disgusting

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: send the link

pela: ill send it to you in dms later

hepatitis: what happened to this group chat, i do wonder

serval: get with the times

hepatitis: i am literally younger than you

pela: LMAOO

serval: this is the first time youve openly admitted that youre younger than me

hepatitis: is it?

serval: yep

Dan Heng: i’m tired

prepare for trouble: go to sleep

march 7th: sleep

and make it double!: with me

serval: CAELUS

Dan Heng: i have my own room, thanks for the offer though

and make it double!: oh

[ caelus, serval ]

caelus: HELP ME SERVAL JIEJIE

serval: why are you calling me jiejie LMAOOA

caelus: WHO CARES

caelus: I NEED YOUR HELP HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO DAN HENG

serval: youre asking the wrong person

serval: but if you want my opinion just be direct

serval: he obviously isnt picking up on the hints

serval: so just be open and confess

caelus: ok but what if he rejects me

serval: that isnt my problem

serval: now go on

caelus: JIEJIE?????

[ caelus, Dan Heng ]

caelus: i have something i need to say

Dan Heng: i put the snacks in the Express’ fridge, since you left them out last night
caelus: thanks?? but thats not what i was talking about

Dan Heng: okay

[ caelus, serval ]

caelus: SERVAL JIEJIE I CANT DO THISDSSSSS

serval: wimp

caelus: WHAT

[ caelus, Dan Heng ]

caelus: so

caelus: i kinda

caelus: uhh

caelus: i gtg

caelus: bye dandan

Dan Heng: ???

[ caelus, serval ]

caelus: [dan_heng_dms.jpg]
caelus: IM SORRY JIEJIE I CANT DO THIS

serval: ITS NOT THAT HARD????

serval: JUST BE DIRECT FFS

serval: ITS THREE FUCKIGN WORDS

serval: “I LIKE YOU”

caelus: JEEZ OK OK I GET IT

[ caelus, Dan Heng ]

caelus: uhhh

caelus: shit

caelus: uhhhdhdbdhdbhdjd

Dan Heng: go on

caelus: i like you

caelus: i mean its totally fine if you dont but liek

Dan Heng: cool

caelus: ????

caelus: do you like me back or no????:7!:&:

caelus: ANSWER ME

Dan Heng: being honest, i was waiting for you to make the first move

caelus: SO WAS I????

Dan Heng: what a coincidence

caelus: so are we like,,,,

caelus: official now????

Dan Heng: not sure

caelus: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?/)$/$:&/

[ caelus, serval ]

caelus: [what.jpg]

serval: congrats on a bf ig

caelus: FINALLY I GET SOME RESPECT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]
Dan Heng: so caelus and i are dating

and make it double!: STFU

Dan Heng: why?

and make it double!: SHUT UP KYS

Dan Heng: ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: oh great

prepare for trouble: @and make it double! you better shut up before i refund you back to herta

serval: LMAOO brb gotta refund hepatitis

hepatitis: what did i do??

natasha: @ ✨ remy ✨ now that i know it is possible, i’m

refunding you. good luck

✨ remy ✨ : WHTA
 jarch meventh
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

march has a stroke and remy gets kicked. also pela snaps in their dms

serval: marhch i have a question

serval: *march

march 7th: jarch meventh

Dan Heng: ???

march 7th: harch is the mane the sevenrh march the ninth

serval: what

serval: do i need to call a hospital

serval: *ambulance

hepatitis: so like

hepatitis: i looked around belobog trying to find the baby’s parents

hepatitis: nobody recognizes the baby

hepatitis: so i think it’ll stay under the landaus’ care for now

serval: ohhhh shit

serval: neither of us can take care of children

serval: especially not you

hepatitis: …

hepatitis: noncuple touché

serval: thats a word???

hepatitis: i had to look it up

hepatitis: and even then, there’s still that annoying red underline

Dan Heng: i don’t trust you with a child, if i’m being completely honest

hepatitis: yeah, i don’t trust myself with a child either

serval: FOR AEONS SAKE JUST GIVE THE BABY TO NATASHA

hepatitis: i don’t want to further add to her workload

serval: shut up

march 7th: venth meach

Dan Heng: ???

march 7th: smarch

✨ remy ✨ : yo

hepatitis: why are you

✨ remy ✨ : forg

✨ remy ✨ :

Dan Heng: i speak many languages and this is not one of them

march 7th: JJAR CG OEVEB ️

pela: i relate

march 7th: HeeLP

prepare for trouble: suffer

serval: are you all drunk

Dan Heng: they may as well be

natasha: what happened here?

hepatitis: hi natasha

serval: take this baby

serval: we dont want it

natasha: okay?

hepatitis: no, i’ll take the baby back

serval: BTICH

Dan Heng: ???

serval: MAKE UP YOUR MIND

hepatitis: i already did

hepatitis: we’ll keep the baby, thanks natasha

natasha: what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: coward

✨ remy ✨ : throw the baby into space

Dan Heng: are you insane

✨ remy ✨ : maybe
✨ remy ✨ : owo

pela has kicked ✨ remy ✨ for 24 hours

pela: thank me later

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ABOUT FUCKING TIME

serval: LMAOAO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wait why couldnt you just ban him on the spot

pela: idk some dumbass rule where i need to kick him thrice before i can ban him

natasha: we never included that in the rules

pela: yea

pela: there wasnt any ban function

[ pela, ✨ sampo koski ✨ ]

✨ sampo koski ✨ : IM SORRY OK????

pela: you arent fucking sorry

pela: youre never sorry for anything

pela: go on

pela: apologize for stealing every single fucking piece of gears and wisdom AND scattering the
individual pieces in random ass robots

pela: apologize for stealing the meteor fragment

pela: youre heartless

✨ sampo koski ✨ : yea i hear that a lot

pela: go nag stelle or caelus to let you in

pela: im tired

pela: bye

✨ sampo koski ✨ : if i dm stelle she would murder me

pela: thats not my problem

✨ sampo koski ✨ : and im the heartless one???

✨ sampo koski ✨ : hello???

✨ sampo koski ✨ : pela??? you there?????

✨ sampo koski ✨ : PELAGEYA SERGEYEVNA

[✨ sampo koski ✨ , stelle ]

✨ sampo koski ✨ : so like

stelle: die in a hole

✨ sampo koski ✨ : time to go bug caelus

stelle: LMAOO good luck

[ caelus, ✨ sampo koski ✨ ]

caelus: no im not letting you back into the gc

✨ sampo koski ✨ : im

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

serval: anyone up for snacks

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: are they in a cabinet dedicated to snacks

serval: listen if youre gonna be this nitpicky then just dont reply

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: its less fun

pela: im back

Dan Heng: hello, back

pela: DAN HENG

and make it double!: you get used to it

prepare for trouble: you two have been dating for like 5 hours you cant say shit like this

pela: we should make nat admin

pela has promoted natasha to admin

natasha: thanks, but i never asked for admin?

pela: you kinda did that one time

natasha: right

natasha: that was kind of a throwaway line, if i’m being honest

serval: nat do you want snack

natasha: no thanks

serval: pela want snakc

pela: what kind

serval: idk
pela: ???

pela: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

 salt + vinegar
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

surprise!!!! its salt and vinegar chips (take a sip of water every time i mention them in
this chapter)

Chapter Notes

serval likes salt and vinegar chips you cant change my mind

serval: DOES NOBODY WANT SNACKS???

HOOK ☄️ : DID SOMEONE SAY SNACKS

serval: yes i said snacks

HOOK ☄️ : GIMME SNACKS

serval: its salt and vinegar chips

HOOK ☄️ : NEVERMIND I DONT WANT SNACKS

hepatitis: salt and vinegar??

serval: salt and vinegar is amazing wtf are you talking about

prepare for trouble: LITERALLY NOBODY LIKES SALT AND VINEGAR

serval: HOW DARE YOU

Dan Heng: quit arguing about this, please

pela: SERVAL YOU WERE MY FRIEND

serval: PELA YOU WERE MY FRIEND

Dan Heng: sigh

natasha: why does this keep happening?

serval: NATASHA THIS IS URGENT DO YOU LIKE SALT AND VINEGAR CHIPS

natasha: i won’t answer that

serval: DAN HENG

Dan Heng: i don’t eat snacks

march 7th: youre no fun to be around

serval: ikr

and make it double!: yea nobody eats snacks lmao

march 7th: YOU SIMP

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i hate salt and vinegar chips whoever invented them should be
executed

bronya rand : calm down, seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im already calm

bronya rand : very well

serval: WAIT BRONYA DO YOU LIKE SALT AND VINEGAR CHIPS

bronya rand : i have no opinion on them

serval: alr

Dan Heng: i’m tired

prepare for trouble: youre always fucking tired

prepare for trouble: maybe if you didnt stay up all night adding shit to the data bank youd be less
tired

natasha: you need sleep, dan heng

and make it double!: GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

Dan Heng: fine

serval: wooooooo
pela: yay

natasha: you too, pela

pela: >:(

pela: no

bronya rand : how many hours did you sleep last night

pela: FINE IM GOIGN TO SLEEP ARE YOU HAPPY NOW

bronya rand : yes

serval: ok now what

bronya rand : we all go to sleep. it is now law

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU GO TO SLEEP

bronya rand : i am exempted from this law

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i hate you

bronya rand : go to sleep

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im gonna kill you

bronya rand : ilyt

serval: third wheel gang

serval: rise up

bronya rand : no, go to sleep

serval: why

pela: a

bronya rand : go to sleep

pela: how ironic that youre telling us to sleep

pela: but you probably the one that needs to go to sleep the most

bronya rand : you’re right

pela: so abolish the law maybe

bronya rand : it was never a law

serval: ok

serval: WAKE THE FUCK UP eVERYONE

march 7th: salt and vinegar chips still suck ASS

serval: not you

serval: go back to sleep

march 7th: HOW DARE YOU

serval: how dare i

pela: shit

pela: its been nearly 24 hours

serval: NO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: EXTEND THE KICK DURATION

pela: I CANT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: oh

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: well thats just great

hepatitis: ok

serval: “ok”

hepatitis: ???

pela: SHIT ITLL BE IN 3 MINUTES

pela: BRACE YOURSELVES

serval: i have bug spray

hepatitis: what am i supposed to do?

pela: nothing

pela: idk man

pela: since you two are a thing and all that

hepatitis: we are not

natasha: i have a… gun?

serval: cool

march 7th: i have a uhh

march 7th: i have the astral express

serval: cool

hepatitis: so what, we’ll just beat him to a pulp the second he arrives?

pela: yep
pela: thats the plan

pela: at least

pela: 15 seconds left

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: get ready

bronya rand : i’m ready

hepatitis: ???

✨ remy ✨ has joined the group

hepatitis: i missed you :)

✨ remy ✨ : I MSISED YOU TOO <33333

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: weirdos

pela: ok can you two shut up

pela: dms exist for a reason

hepatitis: you’re right, sorry

✨ remy ✨ : listen if im a simp ill make it everyones problem

✨ remy ✨ : also salt and vinegar chips suck

serval: kys

Dan Heng: hm
 nat’s drunk episode
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

exactly what it says on the tin

Chapter Notes

credits to anomaly_001 for the idea!!! sorry i cant reply to your comments it just
doesnt allow me :’)

march 7th: i heard a loud thudding sound

march 7th: from dandans room

march 7th: in the middle of the night

march 7th: and then i heard caelus groaning

serval: you know what that means

hepatitis: i do not

march 7th: nevermind it was just caelus falling over dandans stuff LMAO

march 7th: sorry guys false alarm

prepare for trouble: deserved tbh

and make it double!: @Dan Heng CLEAN YOUR DAMN ROOM

Dan Heng: why? you were the one who broke into my room

and make it double!: …

march 7th: LMAO

hepatitis: breaking and entering is against the law

and make it double!: this human form cannot contain me any longer

serval: ok

natasha: helepe

serval: what

natasha: i the bread seee

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yes ill help you buy bread nat also youre drunk

natasha: im??

hepatitis: seele, exactly how do you understand this??

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: when youve been around nat for as long as i have, you start to
understand her drunk lingo
natasha: what do you mena you understand the no???

natasha: HAJAJKAJSHSHSBHS

hepatitis: this is basically what remy texts me every day

pela: fuck you im jealous now

hepatitis: ???

natasha: ?b whos rmey??1

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: remy is sampo

natasha: ohhh rhkjyufht

Dan Heng: what?

natasha:

natasha: A

serval: nat its like 12am wtf

natasha: IAM TAKLING TO THE DOGS

serval: what

natasha: AAAAGHWHSJE
natasha: heleoei it s sampa1’a sjks thanks s rslekeneh ma

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: are you drunk

natasha: im nto durnk aim dehydratev

natasha: ehwow sjakwjb aajwieurbddd!-! snwq gmrhe msmsmmmmmmmmmmm

natasha: i wosudl fuckigng die for a coirasnt

natasha: whya re you all awkak 12am

serval: idk

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: why are you awake at 12am

natasha: ykure rigth

✨ remy ✨ : NAT JUST PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR

HELP

✨ remy ✨ : [someone_call_an_ambulance.jpg]

march 7th: we cant call a fucking ambulance nat is the only reliable doctor

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GOT NAT DRUNK WERENT
YOU

✨ remy ✨ : uh
✨ remy ✨ : i may or may not have had a slight contribution
to her getting drunk

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: your days are numbered

Dan Heng: will natasha be able to continue work tomorrow?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: probably

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: even if she died she would find a way to work

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: she should be fine

[ 4stral express ]

stelle: GUYS THIS IS URGENT

stelle: WOULD GLOBAL WARMING FIX JARILO-VI

caelus: wtf

google: short answer: no

google: long answer: no, it wouldn’t fix jarilo-VI’s core issue

stelle: ok thanks google

google: i have a name

stelle: and its google

google: it’s dan heng

march 7th: why are you talking about global warming in jarilo 6 its like 12:30am

google: *jarilo-VI

march 7th: i do not care

stelle: its bc were bored

march 7th: THEN GO TO SLEEP???

caelus: sleep is boring tho

march 7th: then go sleep w dandan

march 7th: wait

google: what??

caelus: ;)

march 7th: I MEANT LIKE LITERALLY SLEEP

march 7th: GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER

march 7th: ALSO NEVER USE THAT EMOTICON AGAIN ILL KILL YOU

caelus: kill me right now you coward ;)

caelus: you wont ;)

stelle: GO TO SLEEP

caelus: no ;)
 nat’s drunk episode, the aftermath
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

yeah

✨ remy ✨ : who stole my fucking wig

serval: YOUR WIG????

serval: ARE YOU BALD

serval: NO WAY

and make it double!: SAMPO IS BALD CANON

✨ remy ✨ : I AM NOT BALD SHUT THE FUCK UP

Dan Heng: good morning, everyone

serval: i took your wig for the funnies

hepatitis: you can’t be serious

serval: oh im dead serious

natasha: is it just me, or is anyone else getting deja vu from that sentence?
pela: no im getting it too

prepare for trouble: balls

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i will murder you with my BARE HANDS

bronya rand : don’t

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sorry bronya

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: can i at least give her tetanus

bronya rand : no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: please

bronya rand : no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fine

serval: sampo is at my door

✨ remy ✨ : give me my wig back

serval: never

serval: its ugly as hell

✨ remy ✨ : THEN GIVE IT BACK???

serval: no

serval: youll have to take it yourself lmao

serval: wait

serval: WHERE DID THE WIG GO

✨ remy ✨ : lol

serval: FUCK YOU

natasha: hello

✨ remy ✨ : [someone_call_an_ambulance.jpg]

natasha: ???

natasha: was i that drunk?

serval: probably

serval: you kept typing gibberish

natasha: why is there a whole loaf of bread in my house?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you asked me to buy bread

natasha: did i?

serval: yes you did

natasha: oh

natasha: i’ll give it to my patients

natasha: they need it more than i do

serval: give me a slice of bread

serval: because a CERTAIN PERSON REFUSES TO EAT SHIT FOR BREAKFAST

Dan Heng: eating shit for breakfast sounds like a recipe for disaster

serval: DAN HENG

Dan Heng: what? it wasn’t a bad pun, was it?

hepatitis: fine, i’ll take the bread

serval: …

serval: BITHC ARE YOU EATING IT RAW

hepatitis: is there anything wrong with that?

✨ remy ✨ : speaking of eating things raw

hepatitis: …

pela: yikes

natasha: i give up

serval: SEE EVEN NATASHA IS DONE WITH YOUR SHIT

HOOK ☄️ : ???? DOES SAMPO EAT RAW MEAT????

✨ remy ✨ : …you can call it that

natasha: might i remind you, you are on thin fucking ice

✨ remy ✨ : sorry

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ohhhh shit natasha swore youre actually gonna die LMAO

✨ remy ✨ : its what its

serval: what
 pela x caffeine toxic relationship (pun intended)
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

pela gets sent to the hospital because she is stupid (ik shes an intelligence officer but
funni)

pela: GYYS MY FAVEOIT E FIC JUSY GOT TDELRTED

serval: cool

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: threaten the author

hepatitis: write it again yourself?

pela: IT WAS ALMOST 100 CHAPTERS LONG

hepatitis: oh

hepatitis: write a eulogy

pela: YOU ARENT HELPPINNNNG

hepatitis: i’m not?

Dan Heng: you aren’t

serval: I GOT NO FUCKING SLEEP LAST NIGHT

✨ remy ✨ : sorry

serval: no its fine

serval: wait why are you apologizing??? i live alone

serval: wait

serval: I LIVE ALONE

serval: SAMPO

✨ remy ✨ : uh

serval: HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING INSIDE MY FUCKING HOUSE THIS WHOLE TIME

✨ remy ✨ : IT WAS A COINCIDENCE

serval: WHY ARE YOU INSIDE MY HOUSE ANYwAY????

✨ remy ✨ : uh

serval: im calling your boyfriend

hepatitis: i’m not

✨ remy ✨ : you are

serval: you are

pela: i wonder how much caffeine i can consume before im sent to the hospital

natasha: no

bronya rand : pela.

serval: you cant be doing this

serval: we were supposed to rehearse today

pela: we can postpone the rehearsal

serval: YOU ARE GOING TO DIE

hepatitis: google exists for a reason, pela

hepatitis: you can google how much caffeine you can consume before you’re sent to the hospital

prepare for trouble: im curious too

✨ remy ✨ : bottoms up

Dan Heng: i’m going to sleep

natasha: goodnight

and make it double!: nightt

✨ remy ✨ : life is short

✨ remy ✨ : kill a child

clara and mr. svarog!: ( ´Д`)

serval: APOLOGIZE TO CLARA RN

hepatitis: this is why i don’t associate with you

serval: YOU GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE

prepare for trouble: @ ✨ remy ✨ imagine having both the

landau siblings out to get you

prepare for trouble: couldnt be me smh

✨ remy ✨ : shut up

prepare for trouble: make me shut up

prepare for trouble: coward

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: legbet

serval: ???

bronya rand : please do explain your reasoning behind this hypothesis

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: are you free at 7pm next week ill explain there ;)

bronya rand : no problem

march 7th: did i just witness seele asking bronya out

serval: yes

✨ remy ✨ : me and who????

hepatitis: nobody

✨ remy ✨ : crying emoji

 the blorpjg
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

pela gets better and everything else gets worse

serval: @natasha when will pela get better

natasha: she’s fine, just please don’t let her drink coffee/consume caffeine for at least two weeks

pela: YOYOYOYO IM BACK

natasha: i almost forgot to mention, she may be a little hyperactive for a few hours

pela: god im tired im going to sleep

serval: finally

serval: you havent slept in days

hepatitis: when am i getting my name changed back?

prepare for trouble: never

hepatitis: sigh

serval: serves you right

✨ remy ✨ : well well well

✨ remy ✨ : the blorpg jorbs jsmssnnsnd

serval: dude

✨ remy ✨ : sh jebrijeh borgpl j

serval: ISTG

serval: get out of my house i can HEAR YOU TYPING

✨ remy ✨ : jehshbd borbli jsb

hepatitis: stop doing that

✨ remy ✨ : ok my bad

serval: i dont understand you two and i dont think i ever will

natasha: me neither

bronya rand : none of us will

prepare for trouble: im so tired

Dan Heng: you’re the reason i’m tired, stelle

prepare for trouble: blehhh you dont matter

and make it double!: ILL BEAT YOUR ASS

prepare for trouble: ID LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY

prepare for trouble: WHAT DO YOU THINK CAUSED MY FUCKJNG PRESERVATION

POWERS

and make it double!: I DONT FUCKINGN CARE

serval: sibling rivalry at its finest

march 7th: no i think theyre actually gonna kill each other

serval: yea me and hepatitis used to try to kill each other all the time

serval: i won every time btw

serval: anyways theyll be fine

hepatitis: …

bronya rand : what do you mean you “won every time”?? if you won the first
time, wouldn’t gepard be dead??

serval: hm

hepatitis: hm

march 7th: guys i think caelus died

prepare for trouble: i didnt do shit to him???

march 7th: WHY ARE HIS CLOTHES ON FIRE,??

prepare for trouble: the flaming lance set his clothes on fire, not me

Dan Heng: …

serval: in my defense i didnt break qlipoth forts window, the chainsaw on wheels did

hepatitis: the WHAT

serval: yea

hepatitis: i’ll let you off this time, don’t do it again

✨ remy ✨ : YOU ARREST ME FOR TAKING ONE

CREDIT OFF THE GROUND BUT THEN THIS BITCH BREAKETH A WINDOW AND SHE
GETS OFF WITN A WARNING???

hepatitis: you annoy me

✨ remy ✨ : ilyt lol

serval: BREAKETH????

prepare for trouble: THE IPC WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIIIVE

march 7th: make that 18 counts of murder

pela: murder is inconsequential

hepatitis: what??

pela: space anchors

pela: also arent you technically a murderer

hepatitis: we aren’t continuing this discussion, goodnight

[ ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH, ✨ sampo koski ✨ ]

✨ sampo koski ✨ : can i crash at your place for a bit serval

kicked me out

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wtf were you doing at servals house

✨ sampo koski ✨ : dont ask

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yea ok

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: so just dont enter my room dont enter the kitchen the basement
the bathroom the living room just dont enter at all gtfo kys

✨ sampo koski ✨ : THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

serval: @hepatitis is your bf out of my house yet

hepatitis: i don’t know why you treat me like an exterminator sometimes

serval: answer my question

hepatitis: yes

hepatitis: i’m currently taking him to qlipoth fort for breaking and entering

march 7th: is that why i see you two holding hands

hepatitis: we are not

pela: you are

bronya rand : you are

serval: btw why are you texting while walking

✨ remy ✨ : yea why are you

hepatitis: WHAT THE FUCK

hepatitis: I THOUGHT I CONFISCATED YOUR PHONE

serval: HSBJSJSBDNSJSK

pela: add that one to the list of crimes hes committed

✨ remy ✨ : ???? its only like uh

hepatitis: almost 500 counts of fraud, 78 counts of breaking and entering, 165 counts of
pickpocketing, 3 counts of burglary, 1 count of kidnapping, 1 count of manslaughter, 2 counts of
arson, etc.

march 7th: ARSON???? MANSLAUGHTER???? BITCH EXPLAIN

✨ remy ✨ : IT WAS AN OOPSIE DAISY

march 7th: ARSON IS NOT A FUCKING OOPSIE DAISY

serval: why are we going from holding hands to arson

natasha: it’s called friday

 himeko and welt have entered the party
Chapter Summary

exactly what the title says

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[ 4stral express ]

stelle: yk whatd be funny

Dan Heng: no

stelle: lets add some randos from the luofu without the rest of the gc knowing

Dan Heng: veto

caelus: veto

march 7th: veto

stelle: you guys are no fun

stelle: can we at least add welt and himeko

Dan Heng: no

caelus: no
march 7th: no

stelle: ok fuck you im gonna add them anyway

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

prepare for trouble has added Welt Yang and himeko ☕️ to the group

Welt Yang: We never went to Jarilo-VI, why are we here?

prepare for trouble: for fun

Welt Yang has left the group

prepare for trouble: spoilsport

Dan Heng: i told you so

himeko ☕️ : hi astral express crew :)

himeko ☕️ : and everyone else

himeko ☕️ : add welt back @prepare for trouble

prepare for trouble: yes ma’am

prepare for trouble has added Welt Yang to the group

Welt Yang has left the group

prepare for trouble has added Welt Yang to the group

prepare for trouble: dont try to leave again

Welt Yang has left the group

prepare for trouble: DUDE

serval: LMFAO

[ astral express (real not fake) ]

Welt Yang: Who is “prepare for trouble” and why do they keep adding me to group chats?

stelle: me

stelle: thats me

Welt Yang: Oh

himeko ☕️ : LMAO

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

prepare for trouble has added Welt Yang to the group

Welt Yang: ?
hepatitis: for the last time, remy, i am not letting you crash at my house

✨ remy ✨ : you will

hepatitis: go away

himeko ☕️ : you two should kiss ngl

hepatitis: WHAT??

serval: YO HIMEKO ITS ME SERVAL!!!!

himeko ☕️ : LONG TIME NO SEE!! :)

✨ remy ✨ : himekos right we should kiss

✨ remy ✨ : @hepatitis meet me at 6

hepatitis: HUH??

pela: WHEEZING RN

march 7th: why am i always the third wheel

[ gepard, ✨ sampo koski ✨ ]

gepard: deal, where are we meeting?

✨ sampo koski ✨ : WAIT WHAT

✨ sampo koski ✨ : SHIT I DIDNT EXPECT THIS TO
ACTUALLY GO THROUGH I NEED A MINUTE

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

Dan Heng: oh my god i’m sweating

Dan Heng: and i think i have a fever

Dan Heng: and i have a stomach ache

Dan Heng: whatever, it’s nothing a good nap can fix

natasha: dan heng.

prepare for trouble: this is the second time youve been sick and just went to sleep instead of
GOING TO A FUCKING DOCTOR

prepare for trouble: NATASHA IS RIGHT THERE

march 7th: hes taking a nap

pela: IM GOING TO RIP MY HAIR OUT

serval: take a nap

march 7th: dont

march 7th: its cheaper than goinng to a barber but its waayyyyy worse
pela: ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IS THIS FROM EXPERIENCE????

Welt Yang: Yes, unfortunately. We found her crying in a room afterwards.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: cool thanks also who are you

Welt Yang: My name is Welt Yang.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: cool thanks that explains literally nothing tho

Welt Yang: Sorry.

himeko ☕️ : we know basically nothing about welt either so its okay @ITS PRONOUNCED
ZEELAH ❤️

bronya rand : who are you?

himeko ☕️ : himeko, the astral express navigator

himeko ☕️ : the other guy is welt

himeko ☕️ : hes just kinda

himeko ☕️ : there

Dan Heng: why do you keep adding people to this group chat @prepare for trouble
 prepare for trouble: i am a god amongst men

Dan Heng: you are not

Chapter End Notes

i think i have a problem i keep adding people to this gc HELP theyll be the last
characters not from belobog i promise also dan heng having a stomach ache is a true
story (again)
 introductions
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

welt is a confused old man

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

serval: im so bored i wanna commit heinous crimes

hepatitis: …

natasha: sometimes i think you forget that your brother is in this group chat

serval: oh mb

serval: i art so bored i yearneth to commit heinous crimes

hepatitis: …

natasha: that’s not what i meant at all

himeko ☕️ : serval i heard you were coming to the express so i made some coffee for you

serval: oh

serval: well i kinda have to cancel it since i have rehearsal

pela: heh
pela: hehe

[ serval, pela ]

serval: 5 shield for your silence

pela: make that 10

serval: fine

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

Welt Yang: Caelus just sent me a picture of an alpaca with the intent to buy it?

and make it double!: ITS CUTE

Welt Yang: Who are you?

and make it double!: caelus

Welt Yang: That makes sense.

hepatitis: i’m going out for a bit

✨ remy ✨ : NOOOOO

hepatitis: you can handle being alone for half an hour, i’d wager
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: he absolutely cannot

Welt Yang: Who is “hepatitis” and “ ✨ remy ✨ ”?

natasha: gepard and sampo, respectively

Welt Yang: Okay. So, who are they?

natasha: where should i start…

serval: WAITWAITWAIT NAT LEMME DO THIS

hepatitis: oh dear

serval: OKOK SO GEPARD IS MY BROTHER AND ALSO THE CAPTAIN OF THE

SIELBENRKEKNEE GARUHRHDHD

hepatitis: …

serval: the suez canal guards

prepare for trouble: the snickers bar guards

prepare for trouble: omg that kinda rhymed????

serval: ANYWAYS SAMPO IS A BITCH (derogatory)

pela: THE FACT THAT YOU HAD TO ADD (derogatory) TO THAT IS SENDING ME
 hepatitis: sending you where?

HOOK ☄️ : your moms house

hepatitis: oh

natasha: hook.

Welt Yang: What?

serval: okok my bad so what i mean to say is sampo sucks

✨ remy ✨ : sucks what

serval: CASE IN POINT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: DIE NOW

Welt Yang: Noted.

Chapter End Notes

sorry abt the shorter chapter today

 what color is dough?
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

pillsbury doughboy. the landau siblings have an argument about the pillsbury
doughboy

Dan Heng: i’m heading to the snow plains to observe the fragmentum there

Welt Yang: That’s a bit sudden, no?

and make it double!: CAN I COME WITH PLEEEASE

Dan Heng: no

and make it double!: fuck yoou

serval: wow

serval: mood swings be like

pela: THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY

serval: who???(

pela: GOOGLE THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY

pela: WHY DOES HE LOOK SO EDIBLE

hepatitis: he’s called the pillsbury dough boy for a reason

pela: dough isnt edible

hepatitis: you’re right

serval: why is he white then

hepatitis: dough boy

serval: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN FUCKING DOUGH BEFORE ITS NOT WHITE

serval: [dough.jpg]

hepatitis: SOME DOUGH IS WHITE

serval: ARE YOU FUCKING COLORBLIND

hepatitis: ARE YOU??

serval: GOOGLE DOUGH

serval: THE FIRST FUCKING PICTURE YOU SEE

hepatitis: IS WHITE

serval: OFF WHITE YOU FUCKING IDIOT

hepatitis: SCROLL FURTHER DOWN

serval: THE FURTHER DOWN YOU SCROLL THE MORE UNRELIABLE THE SOURCE
INFO IS

hepatitis: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT INFORMATION??

serval: MY OWN SEARCH ENGINE

hepatitis: YOUR SEARCH ENGINE IS FUCKING WRONG

serval: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

Dan Heng: since when did you own a search engine?

serval: since just now

hepatitis: MEET ME AT 3PM IN THE SNOW PLAINS LETS FUCKING DUKE IT OUT

bronya rand : what are you all doing, texting at work?

Welt Yang: Does this happen every single day?

bronya rand : yes

pela: what are you doing texting at work???

bronya rand : i saw 34 unread messages and came here to clear my

notifications

serval: just mute the gc??

bronya rand : okay

bronya rand has left the group

pela added bronya rand to the group

pela: thats not how this works

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @serval @hepatitis why the fuck were you guys arguing about
what color dough is

serval: BECAUSE IM FUCKING RIGHT AND HE WONT GIVE UP

hepatitis: YOU ARE NOT RIGHT

serval: CASE IN POINT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: jfc JUST GOOGLE IT

hepatitis: “Pastry Dough color is primarily a color from White color family.”

hepatitis: THERE

serval: THATS FROM A FUCKING PAINT WEBSITE

serval: THEY DONT KNOW SHIT

hepatitis: THAT’S EXACTLY WHY IT’S A VALID SOURCE

hepatitis: IT’S A PAINT COMPANY

hepatitis: THEY WORK

hepatitis: WITH FUCKING

hepatitis: COLORS

serval: ITS NOT A FUCKING DOUGH COMPANY

serval: I REST MY CASE

hepatitis: DOUGH COMPANIES DONT FUCKING EXIST

serval: PILLSBURY IS A FUCKING DOUGH COMPANY

hepatitis: THEY DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THE COLOR OF DOUGH

serval: WELL NEITHER DO YOU

serval: ITS NOT FUCKING WHITE

natasha has muted serval for 24 hours

natasha has muted hepatitis for 24 hours

march 7th: what have you done

natasha: ?

march 7th: theyre just gonna argue in person now

natasha: that’s not my problem

 natasha deals with the aftermath
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

its natasha dealing with the aftermath idk what im supposed to say here

and make it double!: im bored

and make it double! has unmuted serval

and make it double! has unmuted hepatitis

natasha: why.

serval: I PREPARED A FUCKING 300 SLIDE POWERPOINT PRESENTATION ON WHY

DOUGH IS NOT WHITE

hepatitis: MY POWERPOINT PRESENTATION IS 426 PAGES BEAT THAT

serval: ILL BEAT YOU

bronya rand : did you two, like, not sleep at all last night?

serval: maybe

hepatitis: sorry

serval: anyway lets continue

natasha has muted serval for 24 hours

natasha has muted hepatitis for 24 hours

natasha: finally

[ gepard, serval ]

serval: I FUCKING WON THAT FIGHT WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF

gepard: YOU DID NOT WIN

serval: I FUCKING DID

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

natasha: i’m clocking off for work, bye

himeko ☕️ : @pela i hear you like coffee

pela: YES

himeko ☕️ : i can brew some for you if youd like?

pela: MARRY ME RN???? IM OMW

bronya rand : please, don’t offer her any caffeine @himeko ☕️

himeko ☕️ : why
bronya rand : last time she had access to caffeine she had to go to the hospital

himeko ☕️ : oh

pela: BRONYA

pela: WHY DO YOU NEVER LET ME HAVE NICE THINGs

natasha: …why are serval and gepard in my clinic

Dan Heng: simple, they fought

natasha: oh

natasha: no wonder

natasha: they’re unconscious and still bickering about dough

Welt Yang: Do fights usually get this extreme?

Dan Heng: not very often

march 7th: always

prepare for trouble: do you ever wonder why you havent seen caelus around

Welt Yang: What.

✨ remy ✨ : yeah she killed him

Dan Heng: wasn’t he in the chat a couple days ago?

pela: ONE STOP STAYING WITHIN THE LINES

bronya rand : why do you keep randomly breaking into song?

bronya rand : this happens during meetings too

pela: why not

serval: TWO WE ALWAYS ALIGN!!!!!

natasha: SERVAL.

march 7th: THREE EVEN IF WE DONT GAIN THE UPPED HAND WELL FIGTH FOR
RIGHT

Dan Heng: four, never care a rap for hindsight

prepare for trouble: USE CAPS PLEASE

Dan Heng: no thanks

and make it double!: please

Dan Heng: no
prepare for trouble: FIVE LET US LIGHT THE NIIIIIIIIIGHT

march 7th: SIX EVEN WHEN THERE ARE WHEELS WITHIN WHEELS GO AHEAD

himeko ☕️ : GET IT PULVERIZED

Welt Yang: What?

Welt Yang: pulverize what?

HOOK ☄️ : your mom

natasha: hook.

Welt Yang: What mom?

natasha: sorry

pela: we need to host group therapy tuesdays again

Dan Heng: when was this a thing?

pela: dont ask

natasha: i do not volunteer to be the therapist

pela: YOURE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN HOST GROUP THERAPY TUESDAYS

natasha: fine
Dan Heng: the bony-eared assfish has the smallest brain-to-body weight ratio of all vertebrates

Dan Heng: sort of reminds me of you @ ✨ remy ✨

✨ remy ✨ : THIS IS BULLYING

Dan Heng: at least it’s not a crime

✨ remy ✨ : IM

✨ remy ✨ : NATASHA HELP ME

natasha: gimme a sec

natasha: @serval WHERE DID GEPARD GO

serval: dw nat im gonna get him

natasha: please don’t

hepatitis: i’m fine

natasha: you are not fine

hepatitis: i am literally the

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WE KNOW

march 7th: shut up hepatitis

serval: listen when i kicked you in the head i didnt know itd give you brain damage jeez

hepatitis: i don’t have brain damage

natasha: you kicked him in the head??

✨ remy ✨ : YOU KICK HIM IN THE HEAD????

WHY????????

serval: siblings

serval: thats why

hepatitis: but seriously, i’m fine

natasha: you aren’t fine until i say you’re fine

march 7th: hes boarding the express help wtf

natasha: WHAT

✨ remy ✨ : gonna board the express too bye yall

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: oh FUCK NO YOU ARENT BOARDING BEFORE I BEAT

THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

✨ remy ✨ : ME???? WHAT DID I DO

march 7th: nvm this idiot is just standing at the entrance of the express

march 7th: HES GOING BACK???? REMY HES GOING BACK COME GET HIM

march 7th: remy

march 7th: remy you can get off the express

march 7th: reMY YOU BITCH

✨ remy ✨ : i was busy eating himekos coffee

pela: eAT????

✨ remy ✨ : yes

Welt Yang: He’s just shoving coffee beans down his throat…

Welt Yang: I’m too concerned to intervene.

✨ remy ✨ : @hepatitis speaking of

hepatitis: i’m not talking to you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: remy ill throw you into outer space if you keep this shit up

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im not joking i have a cannon

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: [cannon.jpg]

serval: where did you buy a cannon????

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: the express lent me a cannon

serval: WHY DOES THE EXPRESS HAVE A CANNON???

himeko ☕️ : never question the path of the trailblaze

 christmas
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

idk what to call this anymore

serval: @ ✨ remy ✨ what color is dough

natasha: we are not doing this again

✨ remy ✨ : if i answer id get beat up either way

serval: if you agree w me then hepatitis will probably spare you im just saying

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: if bread is brown then dough is brown

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: end of story

serval: SEE???? YOU GET ME

hepatitis: [white_bread.jpg]

hepatitis: explain this

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: explain what??? you like white bread i dont owe you anything

Welt Yang: What?

serval: you both sound so weird without context

hepatitis: everything sounds weird without context

pela: @hepatitis DO YOU HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE /srs

hepatitis: i know what brain damage looks like, pela

pela: YEAH AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU???

pela: YOU ARE LITERALLY BRAIN DAMAGE

hepatitis: there’s no need to panic over the slightest things

Dan Heng: in her defense, you’ve been acting off since you ended up in the clinic

serval: i have nothing to do with this

march 7th: you suck at lying

✨ remy ✨ : @hepatitis speaking of

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: stelle

prepare for trouble: yea i have the rat poison

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thanks

bronya rand : i thought we talked about this, seele

✨ remy ✨ : SAVE ME LADY BRONYA

bronya rand : you need to use a higher dosage than this

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

serval: merry chrismtade everyone

Welt Yang: *Christmas

serval: merry charizard

serval: charisma

serval: CHISMAS

serval: CHESTNUTS

serval: CHSMS

serval: CHROMATIC

serval: CHECKMATE

serval: WHY CANT I SPELL CHRISTAMN

hepatitis: …it’s june

serval: piss off crispy roll

✨ remy ✨ : “PISS OFF CRISPY ROLL” I CANT BREAHE

IM LITERALLY DYING HELPP

serval: good

serval:

Welt Yang: Are you actually dying or is this slang?

✨ remy ✨ : thats up to reader interpretation

pela: wait a sec

pela: @natasha this is urgent come to dms

pela: now

[ natasha, pela ]

pela: nat

pela: do you think remy can break the 4th wall

natasha: i’m not sure, he’s been talking about “performances” and “audiences” ever since he’s
come here

natasha: it’s really a 50/50 chance

natasha: might be another one of his strange jokes

pela: do we ask him about it???

natasha: i’d say we keep it a secret for now

pela: ok ill trust your advicd

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

hepatitis: i’m tired

serval: same

natasha: you know, maybe it’s because you both escaped the clinic before i could properly tend to
your wounds, serval and gepard landau

hepatitis: sorry natasha

serval: YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE

 all hail natasha
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

natasha is the queen of the gc (so is seele and serval and himeko and hook and clara
and bronya and march)

serval has started a group video call

pela: THE ONE TIME I ACUTLALY TRY SLEEPING JFC SERVAL

serval has ended the group video call

serval: what color is dough

Dan Heng: i feel like this has happened before

prepare for trouble: yea

prepare for trouble: dont copy my idea

serval: make me

hepatitis: i thought we were over this

serval: we are over this when i say we are over this

hepatitis: just say we’re, it’s not that hard

serval: why should i listen to someone who thinks dough is white

hepatitis: okay, now you’re just putting words in my mouth

hepatitis: i said SOME dough is white

serval: my point still stands

Dan Heng: dough is dough

and make it double: “dough is dough” -dan heng, 2023

Dan Heng: thanks?

and make it double: “thanks?” -dan heng, 2023

Dan Heng: okay, now stop

and make it double: “okay, now stop” -dan heng, 2023

Dan Heng: i will dropkick you

and make it double: “i will dropkick you” dan heng, 2023

and make it double: wait oh shit i GTG DAN HENGS GOI NG TO DROPKCIK
MEEEEEHBDBDHBDBEJEJWI71&

march 7th: SHUT UP

serval: did he break his phone

natasha: did he break his bones??

natasha: why are you asking if he broke his phone like that’s more important than him being alive?

Welt Yang: The color of dough depends on what you put inside of it.

hepatitis: WHICH IS WHY SOME DOUGH IS WHITE, SERVAL

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i am so done

serval: @ ✨ remy ✨ what color is dough ANSWER

NOWWW

✨ remy ✨ : why

serval: i wont beat you up if you agree with me

hepatitis: however, i will

✨ remy ✨ :…

natasha: don’t say it

✨ remy ✨ : promise??

serval: I KNEW IT
serval: I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA SAY THAT

natasha: why do i even stay in this group chat?

hepatitis: so, you see what i have to deal with daily?

Welt Yang: I’m sorry.

✨ remy ✨ : IM STILL HERE????

pela: DO YOU BRAIN DMAAGE

hepatitis: i’m fine

pela: YOU ARE THRE BRAIN DAGE

pela: THE BBRBEHEHA

natasha: he’s probably suffered a concussion

natasha: which is why you should’ve stayed in the clinic

hepatitis: sorry

natasha: if you’re so sorry, then go back to the clinic

hepatitis: sorry

pela: BRAI DANAGE

bronya rand : are you on drugs?

hepatitis: pelageya sergeyevna

pela:

pela: nott alking to ebrisna damegn

hepatitis: …

natasha: pela

pela: guysysys i thrujfjk the jcuid ei bought wasnt jucie

hepatitis: that was liquid soap

pela: they said it tatste d alikee clfieoowebdd

hepatitis: translation, please

bronya rand : they said it tasted like flowers

hepatitis: thank you

natasha: this group chat has caused irreversible damage to everyone’s mental and physical health

prepare for trouble: sooo do you want me to delete it????

natasha: no, it’s an adequate source of daily entertainment

serval: thanks nat

hepatitis: ???

march 7th: ALL HAIL NATASHA

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ALL HAIL NATASHA

HOOK ☄️ : IM SCARED OF NATASHA

✨ remy ✨ : me too

bronya rand : we’re all scared of natasha

hepatitis: bronYA??

pela: omg bron young adult

bronya rand : yes, i am a young adult

bronya rand : what are you trying to say?

pela: no

bronya rand : what do you mean “no”??

himeko ☕️ : happy thanksgiving

hepatitis: it’s june

himeko ☕️ : sorry i meant happy halloween

hepatitis: IT’S JUNE

himeko ☕️ : HAPPY EASTER

hepatitis: IT’S JUNE

himeko ☕️ : ITS EASTER WHEN I SAY ITS EASTER

✨ remy ✨ : LMAO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you are not allowed to be happy

✨ remy ✨ : who said i was happy

bronya rand : my mom is dead

natasha: we’re all going to therapy

HOOK ☄️ : can we get mcdonalds on the way

natasha: fine
 they dont go to therapy
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

i accidentally made this chapter wayy too long my bad

[ natasha, pela ]

pela: maecdonael

natasha: i know, i’ll get mcdonalds on the way to therapy

pela: yaaaaaay

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

bronya rand : pela’s been repeatedly asking me when we’re going to therapy
for 2 hours straight

serval: duct tape

natasha: it’ll be in 7 hours

serval: you should duct tape her mouth

pela: servAAAAAAAALLLL

hepatitis: why
hepatitis: why is the glass of juice not spilling when i put it upside down

hepatitis: [???.jpg]

✨ remy ✨ : its because YOU PUT IT IN THE FUCKING

FREEZER LAST NIGHT

✨ remy ✨ : ARE YOU FUCKIGN SPTUID

march 7th: since when did you two move in together wtf

hepatitis: we… didn’t?

hepatitis: wait

hepatitis: what

hepatitis: @ ✨ remy ✨ WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY

HOUse??

serval: you get used to it

serval: anyway i got my guitar do you want me to beat him senseless

✨ remy ✨ : ITS A MISUNDERSTANDING

hepatitis: it’s not

hepatitis: leave my house

pela: why am i cosigrhting bubles

Dan Heng: consigning babies??

Dan Heng: …i may have read that wrong

and make it double!: dw bbg

prepare for trouble: ew

and make it double!: KYS

hepatitis: @pela liquid soap

hepatitis: you drank liquid soap

hepatitis: during work, might i add

natasha: everyone, hop in the car

natasha: we’re going to therapy

serval: it hasn’t even been 2 hours

natasha: don’t ask

hepatitis: is this a kidnapping?

natasha: no, i rescheduled the therapy session

serval: why???

hepatitis: i don’t need therapy

serval: yeah right

serval: if i have trauma you do too

serval: if i die you die kinda deal

hepatitis: what

natasha: get in the car

✨ remy ✨ : NAT YOURE JUST IN TIME SEELE WAS

TRYING TO KILL ME JUST NOW

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yk im getting in the car too?? bitch we arent done

natasha: no fighting in the car

serval: you sound so done

natasha: how do you know that?

serval: yes

serval: can i bring iced milk to the therapy

himeko ☕️ : iced,,, milk

serval: you drink coffee witth ice its like the same thing

himeko ☕️ : WRONG. i drink my coffee hot and black

serval: ew

✨ remy ✨ : one time i tried coffee and it made me see god

natasha: oh

serval: YOUR BLOOD IS WEAK

hepatitis: interesting

✨ remy ✨ : with all due respect

✨ remy ✨ : WHY ARE YOU SOOOOO BORING WHEN

YOU TEXT

hepatitis: because i know what digital footprint is

hepatitis: i like to think of myself as a self-respecting individual

serval: OBJECTION

serval: you cussed at least thrice in the history of this gc

serval: isnt that against your values

hepatitis: fuck you

hepatitis: i hope that answers your question

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: that took you 10 minutes to type

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: coward

✨ remy ✨ : the real question is why was nobody texting for

10 minutes when almost everyone was online

natasha: it’s easier for readers to follow

✨ remy ✨ : ohhhh gotcha

serval: what the fuck

natasha: get in the car, we’re going to be late to therapy

serval: I HAVENT GOTTEN MY ICED MILK

✨ remy ✨ : WAIT I HAVENT DONE MY MAKEUP

natasha: what do you need makeup for?

natasha: remember, we’re going to therapy

✨ remy ✨ : so what if i wanna look hot at therapy

hepatitis: you have a problem

✨ remy ✨ : okay jeez i thought you were gonna compliment

me

hepatitis: why?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you cant be this stupid

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im being honest here when i say youre annoying

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: but not like “remy” annoying

✨ remy ✨ : remy™

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: like

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: “unbearably stupid” annoying

hepatitis: oh

serval: say that again i dare you

serval: nobody is allowed to relentlessly bully hepatitis other than me

✨ remy ✨ : i can relentlessly bully him right????

serval: what do you think the answer is

✨ remy ✨ : sorry

serval: exactly

hepatitis: wow

serval: can you say anything other than one word answers

hepatitis: yes

hepatitis: i don’t want to, though

✨ remy ✨ : are you okay? :((

bronya rand : he hasn’t slept in 4 days, according to serval

serval: i can confirm

✨ remy ✨ : aiyahh you need to get some sleep

hepatitis: no

✨ remy ✨ : <3

hepatitis: i hate you

natasha:

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: slow clap

Dan Heng:

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: perfect

bronya rand : @serval @ ✨ remy ✨

he’s passed out on his desk

✨ remy ✨ : show

bronya rand : why?

✨ remy ✨ : what do you think

bronya rand : decuple touché

natasha: why is he at work with a concussion?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yk how stubborn overworlders are

serval: fair

bronya rand : [hepatitis_is_sleep_deprived.jpg]

✨ remy ✨ : oh
✨ remy✨ : oh my

Dan Heng: what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fruitcake energy ngl

natasha: you need to stop, seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sorry

serval: jfc we need to start a gofundme to get this mf some SLEEP

natasha: you can’t buy sleep

natasha: what’s a gofundme supposed to do??

serval: idk

serval: itd be nice if he just woke up and got like 1 million credits because of a gofundme

Welt Yang: is that really how they work?

serval: how would i know

 road (space?) trip
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

natasha takes everyone to therapy and goes a little insane during the process

hepatitis: good morning

serval: its 6pm

hepatitis: oh

hepatitis: anyway, remy has been sending me the same picture of myself passed out since
approximately 5 in the evening

✨ remy ✨ : CAN YOU BLAME ME??

hepatitis: yes

prepare for trouble: im just saying if it were anyone else you would fucking strangle them without
a second thought

hepatitis: yes

prepare for trouble: and you make an exception for this sewer rat of a person

hepatitis: yes

himeko ☕️ : idk how im supposed to tell you this

serval: uh

serval: do you have a crush

hepatitis: why should i answer that?

serval: GOTCHA

hepatitis: what?

natasha: we’re going to therapy now, we’ll discuss this later

hepatitis: i’m so confused

serval: same

natasha: i’m revoking all of your phone privileges

serval: YOU CANT DO THAT

natasha: too bad, i just did

hepatitis: i brought my computer

serval: bitch thats not a computer thats a fossil

hepatitis: is it really that old?

serval: YES

✨ remy ✨ : using my 3ds to type rn

serval: how the fuck

serval: i have a laptop like a normal person

pela: Oh my god if this actually sends I will give you all 100 credits I am talking to a fridge right
now this is crazy

serval: it sent

serval: hand over the money

pela: Never

natasha: how did you fit an entire fridge into this car?

and make it double!: using my wii remote to type why is this so difficult

hepatitis: you all are a pain in the ass

bronya rand : ???

hepatitis: except bronya

Welt Yang: What did I do to you?

hepatitis: and welt

hepatitis: whoever that is

serval: oh yea hes my besties bestie

hepatitis: isn’t your bestie’s bestie supposed to be you?

hepatitis: since you two are mutual besties

serval: himeko has more than one bestie

✨ remy ✨ : about me being a pain in the ass

hepatitis: im going to kill myself

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: do it

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ill help you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: actually no ill join

natasha: this is why we’re going to therapy

serval: one car two cars three cars oh my god theres a car coming right for us

hepatitis: tell sampo i love him

✨ remy ✨ : wow thats the first time youve actually called

me by my name instead of remy

serval: how the fuck did you type that fast using a FUCKING 3DS

serval: REMY I ACCUSE YOU OF WITCHCRAFT

pela: so were gonna ignore the fact that hepatitis literally confessed

march 7th: yep

march 7th: its the second time this has happened

march 7th: im tired im gonna sleep

Dan Heng: maybe you guys should divert your attention to the car we’re about to crash into

Dan Heng: instead of a text message

march 7th: THE WHAT

natasha: maybe if you all weren’t so loud, we could’ve evaded the car sooner

clara and mr. svarog!: ( ・ Д ・ )

natasha: except you, clara

natasha: you’re a good kid

natasha: has everyone fastened their seatbelts?

natasha: we’re about to try to escape the police

hepatitis: WHY ARE WE ESCAPING THE POLICE??

serval: how ironic

bronya rand : can i leave?

natasha: you will die if you leave

natasha: no, literally

hepatitis: wait

hepatitis: where exactly is this therapy?

natasha: another planet

prepare for trouble: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST NATASHA THE ASTRAL EXPRESS EXISTS
YOU COULDVE JUST ASKED

natasha: it’s been 5 days since i last slept, you think i have time to think of fine details like this?

hepatitis: i think i transferred my concussion to natasha

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU CSNT TTRANSFER CONCUSSIONS YOU NUMBNUT

serval: @natasha why are you texting while driving

natasha: i’m not texting

natasha: it’s called astral projection

march 7th: THATS NOT WHAT ASTRAL PROGHEVITOGKBB IS

hepatitis: viciously eating popcorn

✨ remy ✨ : hi guys im popcorn

natasha: i’m kicking you out of the car, remy

✨ remy ✨ : YOU CANT KICK ME OUT INTO OUTER

SPACE

natasha: i absolutely can, just watch me

✨ remy ✨ : THE SECOND YOU OPEN THE CAR DOOR

WE ARE ALL DEAD

natasha: space anchor

serval: i think youve gone mad

natasha: maybe

natasha: where is this therapy

HOOK ☄️ : i see something

HOOK ☄️ : it looks like a triagnle??

Dan Heng: wait

Dan Heng: THAT’S HERTA SPACE STATION

Dan Heng: THAT’S IT, I’M TAKING THE WHEEL FROM HERE

natasha: you can’t do that

Dan Heng: i just did

Welt Yang: Why am I here?

himeko ☕️ : lesson learned, never let natasha drive

serval: i think natasha herself needs therapy what the ACTUAL FUCK NATAAHS DONT OPEN
THE FUCKINF DOOR YOU CRAZY BITCH

hepatitis: what?

serval: text to speeeeedch :)-

natasha: they’re letting us in the space station?

✨ remy ✨ : omg wow

✨ remy ✨ : its soo spacious

✨ remy ✨ : @hepatitis lets make out in the supply room
meet me in 2 hours on the dot near where the express is situated

hepatitis: first of all, how do you know where the supply room is?

✨ remy ✨ : I BE IN SITUATIONS

serval: WHAT KIND OF SITUATIONS LAND YOU IN A FUCKING SPACE STATIONS

SUPPLY ROOM

serval: YOUVE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO THE FUCKIGNG EPXRESS HOW DO YOU KNOW
THR LAYOUT OF THE SPACE SATTIODN ITSELF EXPLAIN

✨ remy ✨ : I BE IN SITUATIONS

himeko ☕️ : WHY IS THE THERAPY SITUATED OUTSIDE OF JARILO-VI

natasha: it was the only one i could find

 herta space shenanigans
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

the belobog cast wreak havoc on hss

Chapter Notes

i stayed up until around 1:20am to write this and i still dont know why

serval: HELP WE LOST HEPATITIS IN THE SEA OF BLONDE PEOPEL

himeko ☕️ : there arent that many blonde people here?

serval: right

serval: i meant

serval: HELP WE LOST HEPATITIS IN THE SEA OF BASIC PEOPEL

himeko ☕️ : thats more like it

hepatitis: i am not basic

serval: you are

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: literally one of the most basic people ive ever met
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: dye your hair pink or smth idk

hepatitis: are you insane?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ARE YOU????

hepatitis: no

natasha: i met some short puppet girl

serval: did you steal her and put her in the car as a souvenir

natasha: i will not confirm nor deny that

Dan Heng: …that’s madam herta

hepatitis: YOU CAN’T STEAL A LIVING PERSON AS A “SOUVENIR”

hepatitis: THAT’S ABDUCTION

natasha: it’s a puppet, not a living person

✨ remy ✨ : you stole me idk if thats abduction

bronya rand : @hepatitis you… abducted him?

hepatitis: no, he’s lying

serval: god im tired im going to tbe express see yall in blgobgob

hepatitis: blgobgob?

serval: yeah

march 7th: the express is at the xianzhou luofu wtf

serval: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

natasha: i have something i need to tell you all

serval: im listening

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: dont tell me you lost the damn car

natasha: …

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU LOST THE DAMN CAR

serval: THATS IT HIMEKO START UP THE EXPRESS WERE GOING BACK NOW

himeko ☕️ : cant

himeko ☕️ : the express isnt here

serval: how could i forget

bronya rand : where’s remy?

march 7th: wait i think i see him at the base

march 7th: wait what the fucj

march 7th: is he

march 7th: IS HE TRYING TO FLIRT W MADAM HERTA

march 7th: SHES PULLING OUT A HAMMER OH MY GOD

march 7th: @hepatitis COME GET YOUR MAN

serval: WHAT

hepatitis: oh

pela: i think everyone gained a braincell except remy while natasha lost her braincells

serval: that explains everything

Dan Heng: or she’s just insane

prepare for trouble: im gonna sleep buhbye

serval: same

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im so tired i cant wait to ditch all of you

bronya rand : oh
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: except for you

serval: cant wait to ditch you too go fuck yourself

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: stupid bitch

hepatitis: we can’t be arguing in the space station

✨ remy ✨ : everything hurts

march 7th: because you got hit by a hammer and literally flattened

march 7th: like a fucking cartoon

march 7th: asta had to take you to the medical room or whatever its called

natasha: i’m going back

serval: can i come with????

natasha: no
 lodging
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

second day at hss

serval: @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH YO GM BESTIE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: gmgm how did you sleep last nighth

serval: i slept fine

pela: werent you guys at each others throats yesterday

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: bronya made me

serval: bronya made me

hepatitis: where were you guys sleeping?? i stayed up all night trying to find somewhere to sleep

serval: idk man we asked asta for lodging

serval: she was actually really nice about it

✨ remy ✨ : i asked herta :( she tried to kill me afterwards

march 7th: your way of asking people for lodging is flirting??? jeez no wonder
✨ remy ✨ : IT WORKS

Dan Heng: 50% of the time, at most

✨ remy ✨ : i never said it works all the time

natasha: is 0 an odd number

bronya rand : no

natasha: it can’t be divided by 2

bronya rand : it can, 0/2=0

natasha: but it’s 0

serval: get this bitch some sleep jfc

natasha: can’t

natasha: was driving to belobog

hepatitis: so, are we just stranded here?

serval: probably

bronya rand : it’s been 2 days since i abandoned belobog

bronya rand : i don’t know how much longer i can do this

serval: radio broadcast

bronya rand : you’re right

bronya rand : no signal around here, though

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: how the fuck are you typing in this gc then

serval: why is dan heng playing good old fashioned lover boy

and make it double!: i made him play it

Dan Heng: caelus made me play it

Dan Heng: i like the melody

Dan Heng: the lyrics, on the other hand…

and make it double!: they fit us perfectly imo

Dan Heng: with all due respect, they absolutely do not

and make it double!: youre right go kys

serval: what

Dan Heng: this is what i have to deal with

Dan Heng: daily

pela: peace im straight up leaving ✌️

serval: wh

serval: WHERE IS PELA

serval: GUYS I CANT FIND HER

✨ remy ✨ : well shes very small so its easy to lose her

pela: FUCK YOU

✨ remy ✨ : no thanks i have hepatitis to do that for me

hepatitis: what

Dan Heng: the disease or the person?

serval: “THE DISEASE OR THE PERSON” I CANT

himeko ☕️ : the fact that he had to ask that

✨ remy ✨ : guess

serval: both

hepatitis: oh my aeon
bronya rand : this is why you don’t name people after diseases

prepare for trouble: i agree

hepatitis: you were the person who named me after a disease, stelle

prepare for trouble: hypocrite shenanigans

hepatitis: i hate you all

serval: fair

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: we hate you too

hepatitis: thanks, seele

✨ remy ✨ : WHO TF IS WE???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: me

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i am we

serval: nats been offline the whole day

Dan Heng: we know

hepatitis: i think she’s dead

✨ remy ✨ : i think shes getting exorcised

natasha: i think not

serval: WHAT THE FUCK

 the number of holes in a straw
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

idk man, nat becomes normal again?

natasha: hello, everyone

serval: nat???

hepatitis: how did you sleep

natasha: fine

bronya rand : okay

serval: now what

hepatitis: it’s quite peaceful like this

✨ remy ✨ : hi

serval: GODDAMNIT

hepatitis: hello

bronya rand : i didn’t know you would be awake at 6 in the morning

✨ remy ✨ : a little birdie told me you guys were having a
peaceful time so im here to ruin it

serval: cool

natasha: so, how are you going to ruin it?

✨ remy ✨ : idk we’ll burn that bridge when we get there

hepatitis: don’t you mean “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there”?

✨ remy ✨ : WAIT THATS HOW IT GOES???

HOOK ☄️ : no

HOOK ☄️ : arson

serval: the arson joke isnt funny anymore

HOOK ☄️ : who said it was a joke

bronya rand : no

natasha: hook, that’s illegal

HOOK ☄️ : ok

serval: evil hath been vanquished

HOOK ☄️ : WHOS CALLING ME EVIL

pela: *points to serval*

Welt Yang: @serval

hepatitis: …

serval: it was hepatitis

hepatitis: don’t bring me into this mess

serval: if i open this can of worms dont burn this bed now lie in it

hepatitis: what

✨ remy ✨ : sample text

Dan Heng: don’t you mean “ sampo text”?

bronya rand : oh

✨ remy ✨ : YOU

Dan Heng: thanks

Welt Yang: I applaud you, Dan Heng. It seems you have learned a lot from me.

Dan Heng: thanks

pela: lore bomb

march 7th: DANDAN YOU NEVER TOLD US??? WHAT HAPPENED TO TRUST WTF

Dan Heng: i thought i did

march 7th: YOU

serval: this is very entertaining *drinks iced milk*

pela: asterisks lets gooooo

Welt Yang: Is iced milk an inside joke?

serval: who said it was a joke

Welt Yang:

hepatitis: i’m trying to settle a debate between remy and seele, so i need everyone’s opinion here

hepatitis: how many holes does a straw have?

march 7th: 2

march 7th: wait no

march 7th: 1
march 7th: hold on

march 7th: uh

march 7th: UHHHHH

march 7th: SHIT I NEED A MOMENT TO THINK

Dan Heng: you never think, march. sometimes i wonder what goes on in that hollow skull of yours

march 7th: jfc dandan what did i do this time

✨ remy ✨ : hi again

hepatitis: ok

serval: die

hepatitis: that’s a little rude

serval: exactly

✨ remy ✨ : ilyt

hepatitis:

✨ remy✨ : im

march 7th: L
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: A STRAW HAS ONE FUCKING HOLE

✨ remy ✨ : DOES NOT

hepatitis: …

pela: a straw has holes

✨ remy ✨ : how many

pela: it has holes

✨ remy ✨ : HOW MANY

pela: i agree

✨ remy ✨ : PELA

pela: ?

✨ remy✨ : you little shit

pela: oh my god why did you never tell me it was this much fun to annoy the shit out of remy
@hepatitis

hepatitis: i never annoy him, it’s usually the other way around

hepatitis: if that answers your question

pela: basic ass bitch

hepatitis: sigh

✨ remy ✨ : its ok dont listen to her <3

hepatitis: i’d rather listen to her call me basic for a day straight than be around you for more than 5
minutes

✨ remy ✨ : its ok i still love you even though youre in denial

serval: you both have problems

✨ remy ✨ : tell me about it

serval: ok i will

serval: dms

serval: now

natasha: should i pick you all up from the space station?

pela: didnt you lose the car

natasha: …i almost forgot about that

serval: its ok asta let me live here

natasha: asta did WHAT??

serval: im a researcher now :3

hepatitis: YOU NEVER TOLD US??

bronya rand : @natasha i’m coming with you, it’s been too long since i’ve
seen belobog

natasha: okay, anyone else?

pela: me

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: me

✨ remy ✨ : nty im staying the hss is sooo comfy also im not

a wanted criminal there

hepatitis: i’ll go back with you @natasha

✨ remy ✨ : who said anything about staying on the hss it

sucks anyway

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fucking gay people i hate you all

bronya rand : that’s not nice, seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sorry bronya

hepatitis: hypocrisy
 Chapter 69
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

yea uhhhh i didnt know what to do w chapter 69 since i didnt wanna do anything too…
yk :’) sorry if this disappointed you

✨ remy ✨ : @hepatitis its chapter 69 yk what that means ;)

pela: shut up

hepatitis: what do you mean “chapter 69”?

natasha: i think you forgot he doesn’t know, remy

natasha: anywho, no.

serval: lmao

march 7th: i bought earrings how do i look now

Dan Heng: with your eyes

and make it double!: bad

march 7th: I DIDNT EVEN SEND IT????

march 7th: [marchies_earrings.jpg]

serval: nice

himeko ☕️ : imagine if we replaced verbs with nouns and vice versa

serval: i chair on my sit and iced milk my drink

hepatitis: what

Dan Heng: huh?

Welt Yang: Himeko.

himeko ☕️ : ?

Welt Yang: Why do you keep doing this?

himeko ☕️ : why not

hepatitis: i’m honestly really tired

✨ remy ✨ : ??? THEN GO TO SLEEP DUMBASS

hepatitis: i would

hepatitis: but i can’t

serval: lemme guess

serval: work
hepatitis: you guessed it

pela: DUDE. YOU LITERALLY FINISHED ALL OF YOUR WORK FOR THE NEXT WEEK

hepatitis: and?

pela: WDYM “and?” WTF DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY

serval: you have a problem

hepatitis: i know

natasha: you need therapy

hepatitis: no i dont

pela: I DONT WANNA GO BACK

natasha: oh

natasha: sorry

hepatitis: @serval are you actually a researcher now, or was that a joke?

serval: it was a joke lol im going back rn bye

hepatitis: what
serval: seeya

hepatitis: ???

✨ remy ✨ : yk i was having a good time not getting beat by

you on the daily

serval: i never beat you

serval: my guitar does

pela: i never punched all those kids it was my fist

serval: exactly

hepatitis: you what?

serval: merry christmas

bronya rand : what?

natasha: i’m convinced you’ve lost grip on the concept of time

serval: wooooo

pela: to celebrate chapter 69 we arent going to do anything ya nasties

natasha: good
✨ remy ✨ : fine

hepatitis: uhhh??

natasha: don’t sweat it

march 7th; bornana

hepatitis: my lips are really chapped

hepatitis: it’s so uncomfortable

serval: THIS IS WHY I KEEP TELLING YOU TO BUY MORE FUKCIGN CHAPSTICK

hepatitis: sorry

serval: less apologizing more chapstick buying

✨ remy ✨ : i have chapstick on my lips

hepatitis: what’s that got to do with anything?

✨ remy ✨ : ;)

hepatitis: ??

hepatitis: oh

hepatitis: march 7th told me via dms

hepatitis: you really need to start being more upfront when around me, i can’t understand all your
cryptic messages

✨ remy ✨ : they arent cryptic youre just stupid

hepatitis: how dare you

✨ remy ✨ : sOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT

serval: how dare you

✨ remy ✨ : serval is at my house again oh god oh fuck oh

AeONS HELEPE MEEGEHEIE617/

march 7th: rip bozo

natasha: aren’t you a researcher at the HSS now? how did you get to his house so quickly?

serval: space anchors

serval: very useful

natasha: …you don’t have to appear in front of my clinic to demonstrate

natasha: one of my patients got scared senseless and fainted

natasha: again

serval: whoops
hepatitis: again??

pela: guysss i got a little tipsy and passed out and when i woke up my computer was open

pela: and there was a tab with a hotel booking website

pela: I BOOKED A FUCKING 3 NIGHT STAY FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS GC
HELP ME

pela: OH GOD ITS GONNA BE SO EXPENSIVE

pela: I CANT EVEN UNDO IT ITS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I ACTUALLY BOOKED IT IM
GONNA KMS

hepatitis: …?

march 7th: please dont tell me we all have to be in the same room

pela: we took up about half of the whole hotel ALONE

march 7th: WAIT WHO AM I GONNA SHARE A ROOM WITHT

pela: idk man find out yourself

hepatitis: i can tell the next 3 days will be hell on belobog

hepatitis: here we go

serval: HOW DID YOU GET TIPSY AND THEN WAKE UP WITHIN THE SPAN OF 2
HOURS

pela: magic
 night 1
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

the entire cast is shoved into a hotel and shenanigans ensue

Chapter Notes

ikik this shouldve been chapter 69 but it was kinda too late for that so just pretend this
is chapter 69 part 2

serval: PELA IS DRAGGING ME TO THE HOTEL WITH A DAMN CHILD LEASH HELP ME

hepatitis: …

hepatitis: i walked there like a normal person

serval: MARCH STOP TAKING PICUTRES

march 7th: ITS FUNNY

serval: IT IS NOT

hepatitis: do you need help?

serval: no its fine i got out

serval: pulled out an uno reverse card

serval: now pelas the one on a leash

pela: GODDAMNIT SERVAL

✨ remy✨ :

natasha: we’re heading in

hepatitis: i just asked the manager and apparently i share a room with the entire astral express crew
somehow

✨ remy ✨ : DO ME DO ME DO ME

hepatitis: i can’t, we’re in different rooms

✨ remy✨ : thats not what i meant but ok

serval: sin sin city wasnt made for you

prepare for trouble: shut the FUCK UP

pela: jesus fucking christ im kicking you all out

hepatitis: sorry, pela

serval: i share a room with clara apparently

clara and mr. svarog!: and mr. svarog! ^_^

serval: and mr svarog

serval: so anyway

serval: i just asked the old guy at the counter

✨ remy ✨ : oh

✨ remy ✨ : I SHARE A ROOM WITH SEELE AND

NATASHA HELP ME

HOOK ☄️ : I HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH BRONYA

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: OH FUCK IM IN THE SAME ROOM AS REMY

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ANYONE BUT HIM

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @HOOK ☄️ lets switch places

HOOK ☄️ : DEAL

natasha: here we go again

hepatitis: why is dan heng sleeping on the floor? there is literally a bed right next to him

Welt Yang: He simply prefers sleeping on the floor.

hepatitis: okay
serval: if any of you make a peep while clara is sleeping i will kill you

✨ remy ✨ : no guarantees

serval: the fuck do you mean “no guarantees” YES GUARANTEES YOU STUPID BITCH ITS
NOT THAT FUCKING HARD TO STAY QUIET

serval: AND YOU @hepatitis DID YOU BUY YOURSELF SOME FUCKING CHAPSTICK

hepatitis: yes

serval: LIAR

hepatitis: sorry

✨ remy ✨ : geppie the doors unlocked dont knock

natasha: why is the door unlocked?

✨ remy ✨ : OH MY GOD WRONG CHAT HELp

serval: what the fuck remy

Dan Heng: i’m heading to bed

Welt Yang: No, you aren’t. You’re heading to floor .

march 7th: MR YANG

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: bronyas collapsed on the bed wtf

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: [bronya_ded.jpg]

pela: bronya ded dot jay pee gee

serval: how is it 9pm already

clara and mr. svarog!: i hear people from the other room fighting… (;_;)

HOOK ☄️ : DID SOMEONE SAY FIGHT

natasha: HOOK.

serval: clara my sweet summer child

natasha: @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH can hook and i stay in your room for the night?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no problem

serval: im gonna beat the shit out of remy next morning

serval: mark my fucking words

serval: @clara and mr. svarog! is the sound bothering you?

clara and mr. svarog!: it’s fine, miss serval! (´ ∀ ｀ )

serval: whatever you say

march 7th: @pela THIS IS WHY YOU DONT BOOK HOTELS WHIEL DRUNK

pela: I WAS DRUNK I COULDNT HELP IT

serval: i hate you

pela: fair

prepare for trouble: why are the walls so dAMN THIN

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: guys help i just punched a hole through the wall to test it

natasha: you all, go to sleep now

serval: yes ma’am

march 7th: hi evrhone good morning did you get any sleep me neither

Dan Heng: why are you awake at 4AM?

march 7th: why are you

hepatitis: hello, march and dan heng

march 7th: glares at you

Dan Heng: you know, i couldn’t sleep at all last night

Dan Heng: i wonder why

hepatitis: sorry

HOOK ☄️ : YOU WERE FIGHTING SO LOUDLY WHO WON

hepatitis: …@natasha

natasha: oh my aeons, save me

hepatitis: you and me both

natasha: save me from you

pela: the word curb is so weird

pela: makes me think of curd

✨ remy ✨ : hihi everyone gm

serval: open. the. goddamn. DOOR

serval: ill beat your ass

✨ remy ✨ : aggravated assault is illegal

serval: I DONT FUCKING CARE

serval: ALSO SINCE WHEN DID YOU CARE WHAT WAS LEGAL OR NOT
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yall fuck so loudly i couldnt sleep im gonna kms

hepatitis: …what?

serval: dont play dumb

pela: hes not playing dumb hes actually dumb

hepatitis: how dare you

serval: im taking a nap and if any of yall make a sound ill kill you all

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: please kill me

serval: sure

clara and mr. svarog!: the people in the other room were… what? (;_;)

serval: IM SO SORRY

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: this is why you dont do this around children @hepatitis @
✨ remy ✨

✨ remy ✨ : not our fault the walls are so thin

HOOK ☄️ : who won the fight????

serval: uh
hepatitis: how do i explain

natasha: don’t

natasha; just don’t.

Welt Yang: I slept like a log, I don’t know about you all.

serval: LUCKY

pela: why wasnt this in chapter 69

✨ remy ✨ : beats me

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ILL BEAT YOU

himeko ☕️ : wow day 2 so far so horrible

march 7th: im gonna go back to sleep

serval: morning

hepatitis: me too

hepatitis: @bronya rand i can’t clock into work today, i have arthritis

serval: what
natasha: you don’t have arthritis

✨ remy ✨ : yk thats a funny way of saying you were the

bottom

bronya rand : what?

✨ remy ✨ : what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im going to hang myself if you keep this up /hj

bronya rand : …half joking?

bronya rand : please don’t kill yourself

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sorry

hepatitis: this might be worse than hell, actually

natasha: @ ✨ remy ✨ we might have to change the rating to

M if you keep doing this

✨ remy ✨ : yes ma’am

serval: im going to give you tetanus im not even joking

serval: i have a shit ton of rusty machinery in my workshop

march 7th: im going shopping does anyone wanna come with

hepatitis: i’ll go too

march 7th: fine

march 7th: you owe me 30 shield in the form of coffee

hepatitis: i thought you wanted to sleep?

march 7th: well NOW I DONT

✨ remy ✨ : im not coming because im currently running

from seele and serval

serval: YOU CANT HIDE FOREVER

hepatitis: no wonder i can hear screaming from the hotel corridors

himeko ☕️ : i thought it was gonna be the start of a horror movie

hepatitis: you and me both

natasha: can you three stop running in the halls

serval: ill stop when remy stops

✨ remy ✨ : ILL STOP WHEN SEELE STOPS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ILL STOP WHEN SERVAL STOPS

natasha: you three
 night 2
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

idk anymore, guys

hepatitis: march and i bought 15 cups of coffee for everyone

pela: HELL YEA

Welt Yang: Why did you buy 15 cups of coffee?

hepatitis: for everyone in this gc

hepatitis: wait, pela, stop drinking all the coffee

hepatitis: himeko too

hepatitis: STOP

pela: coffee

pela: the perfect breakfast

serval: bitch what

serval: BREAKFAST???
prepare for trouble: nonono youre wrong croissants are the perfect breakfast

✨ remy ✨ : quaso

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ew croissants

✨ remy ✨ : quaso

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: theyre so flaky anf they get everywhere and they arent even that
good

prepare for trouble: WHAT

hepatitis: you’re eating croissants the wrong way

✨ remy ✨ : quaso

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: OH LEMME GUESS THE RIGHT WAY IS TO EAT IT WITH
A FUCKING KNIFE AND FORK ISNT IT YOU SELF-CENTERED PIECE OF SHIT

hepatitis: what?

serval: i have to agree

serval: croissants are overrated

✨ remy ✨ : quaso

serval: will you STOP THAT

✨ remy ✨ : no

serval: i gave you tetanus i can do it again just watch me you little shit

hepatitis: sigh

natasha: me personally, i’ve never has croissants before

✨ remy ✨ : quaso

hepatitis: i have a headache

pela: cut your head off

pela: should help

natasha: it won’t

pela: how would you know you arent a doctor

natasha: …say that again?

bronya rand : [pela_unconscious.jpg]

bronya rand : continuing our discussion on criossants…

✨ remy ✨ : quaso

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: oh would you fucking TAIS TOI

✨ remy ✨ : i dont speak british

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU FUCKINF IDIOT THATS FRENCH

✨ remy ✨ : neither of them are english anyway it doesnt

matter

Welt Yang: What.

Welt Yang: You can’t be this stupid. It’s called ENGlish because it’s from ENGland.

✨ remy ✨ : yea but we’re talking about britain here

Welt Yang: England is a part of Britain. I am not going to tutor you about BASIC GEOGRAPHY.

hepatitis: mr. yang, he’s joking… most of the time

hepatitis: i hope he’s joking, at least

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: the hotel is making me pay for destroyed property

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: smh its not even destroyed

bronya rand : you punched a hole THROUGH the wall

bronya rand : you can literally see the room on the other side

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sorry for punching a hole into your room pela
pela: its fine i didnt notice

serval: HOW

serval: ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND

pela: sometimes i go through hoyolab and get jumpscared by that one image of hepatitis but
shirtless

hepatitis: that one image of WHAT??

serval: jesus fucking christ pela

serval: HE IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE

serval: IN THIS GC

pela: yes

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i bet remys gonna ask for the image lmao

✨ remy ✨ : yes i am

✨ remy ✨ : @pela send

hepatitis: i might lose it

serval: then find it

hepatitis: …

hepatitis: is this what people call karma?

serval: yep

serval: it absolutely is

march 7th: CAELUS IS STILL ASLEEP

and make it double!: well now im not fuck you

march 7th: HOLY SHIT

serval: what

Dan Heng: …i may or may not have spilled the rest of the coffee

pela: YOU WHAT

hepatitis: i didn’t even take a sip

hepatitis: there goes 30 shield down the drain

serval: rip bozo

and make it double!: i found a funny leaf outside so i ate it

Welt Yang: you what ?

HOOK ☄️ : THAT WAS MY PET LEAF HAROLD YOU MONSTER

✨ remy ✨ : i might die

natasha: let me guess, you drank coffee

hepatitis: why was there a leaf on the ground anyway? there are no trees in belobog

pela: there is no war in ba sing se

serval: nerd

pela: you will never see the light of day again

Welt Yang: Yeet.

serval: blinks

himeko ☕️ : welt please never do that again

Welt Yang: Why? I think it’s bussin frfr no cap.

himeko ☕️ : stop

Welt Yang: Uno reverse card.

march 7th: MR YANG

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i wanna throw rocks at people

bronya rand : no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i threw a rock at some random old guy and he started yelling
about kids these days

hepatitis: …is this illegal?

bronya rand : probably, yes

serval: every ggoddamn thing is illegal these days smh my head

hepatitis: just because you’re the second oldest in this group chat, doesn’t mean you can be all
“back in my day”

serval: and?? is it against the law????

pela: wait wtf whos the oldest

natasha: me

✨ remy ✨ : natasha

HOOK ☄️ : whos the 3rd oldest then

✨ remy ✨ : yours truly

HOOK ☄️ : old ass bitch

✨ remy ✨ : rude

natasha: who taught hook the b word?

Dan Heng: i assume it’s either caelus or seele

serval: its always either caelus or seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: tf does that mean

Dan Heng: it was caelus, i just confirmed with him

and make it double!: he threatened to make me bite ice

hepatitis: you don’t bite ice?

and make it double!: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

march 7th: i bite ice too

hepatitis: see?

hepatitis: it’s normal

and make it double!: march is just weird tbh

march 7th: rude >:(

hepatitis: will pela please stop blasting vocaloid music on full volume?

pela: no

✨ remy ✨ : ok wait this goes hard tho please continue

blasting it

pela: i have successfully converted someone into a vocaloid fan

pela: anyway next up is AaAaAaAAaAaAAa by nashimotoP have fun lol

serval: theres no fucking way its called that

pela: yes fucking way

hepatitis: we’re getting noise complaints

pela: huh

pela: weird how there werent any noise complaints last night

hepatitis: please stop bringing it up

pela: i dont wanna lmao

hepatitis: sigh, moving on

natasha: my eyes hurt

✨ remy ✨ : and that concludes my ted talk on why soap is
healthy to eat

✨ remy ✨ : WRONG CHAT OH MY GOD

natasha: …

natasha: who was the right chat?

hepatitis: if you want to know,

hepatitis: [remy_ted_talk_screenshot.jpg]

hepatitis: this happens almost daily, too

pela: im jealous kys

hepatitis: ???
 night 3?
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: violence is always the answer

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: when its not you arent using enough violence

hepatitis: seele.

✨ remy ✨ : agreed

✨ remy ✨ : amazing opinion my best friend and good pal

babochka

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i hope you die in a fire

hepatitis: rude

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: oh you havent seen shit yet

hepatitis: sigh

pela: GUYS GENSHIN JUST UPDATED

serval: what?

pela: I GOT EULA AT 3 PITY

✨ remy ✨ : english pls

pela: how about you go kill yourself

hepatitis: pela.

pela: whos pela idk her sorry

serval: blinks

march 7th: ok i pull up

prepare for trouble: who the fuck is up

march 7th: ITS A SOng

natasha: @pela we’re checking out today, no?

pela: yep

pela: @hepatitis i will never look at you the same again

pela: just saying

hepatitis: i thought we agreed to never speak of this again

serval: :)

hepatitis: i’ll give you 5 shield if you stay quiet

serval: make that 10

hepatitis: 7, take it or leave it

serval: oh so you wanna bargain huh???

serval: 9

hepatitis: 8

serval: ill take it

serval: give it tomorrow when you swing by the workshop

hepatitis: fine

pela: wheres my money(((???

hepatitis: no

serval: we’ll split it 50/50

pela: wow hepatitis your sister is way better than you

hepatitis: …

serval: how dare you

serval: we’re splitting it 90/10 now

pela: how the fuck are you supposed to give me 0.8 shield

serval: 100/0 for pointing out the fact that i cant do math

pela: OK WOW FUCK YOU TOO

natasha: why do i even stay in this group chat?

pela: hey everyone we’re checking out in a couple hours

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: about time jfc

hepatitis: i have arthritis

natasha: we’ve gone over this before

natasha: no you don’t

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yall remember the rules gc

natasha: yes

[ rules ]

natasha has deleted the group

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]
pela: blinks

prepare for trouble: im going back to the express bye

serval: bye

hepatitis: it’s been 2 hours @pela

pela: its been 5 fucking minutes

pela: are you this impatient

serval: cube croissant

✨ remy ✨ : quaso

serval: [cube_croissant.jpg]

hepatitis: what the hell?

hepatitis: that’s so weird, where can i buy one?

serval: idk

march 7th: how eat cube corsaint

✨ remy ✨ : quaso
serval: idk

natasha has muted ✨ remy ✨ for 24 hours

hepatitis: LET ME OUT OF MY CAGE :((( I WANTS TO BE SILLY AND YOU ARENT
LETTING ME

natasha: remy.

hepatitis: he took my phone

hepatitis: apologies for the inconvenience

serval: how the fuck did he take your phone arent you like 50 miles away

hepatitis: no? i think you forgot that we’re only about 10 meters away maximum, since we’re in a
hotel

serval: oh right

serval: how could i forget

hepatitis: what

hepatitis: what do you mean by that?

serval: @pela has it been 2 hours yet

pela: ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES YOU IMPATIENT SHITS

pela: im trying to sleep

serval: imagine using emojis

pela: blocked

pela: fuck you

serval: oh no pela angy

serval: whatever shall i do

hepatitis: you never seem to take her seriously

serval: yep

serval:

serval: has it been 2 hours left

pela: DIE

prepare for trouble: me and march real

march 7th: why

hepatitis: im short

natasha: give him his phone back, remy

hepatitis: never

hepatitis: i mean

hepatitis: whos remy

hepatitis: idk him

natasha: sigh

serval: this is gepard, i had to borrow serval’s phone because a certain someone won’t give me my
phone back

hepatitis: YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE

natasha: you two…

hepatitis: i threatened to call seele and he immediately gave it back

hepatitis: this is gepard, by the way

hepatitis: YOU BULLY

serval: i taught you well

hepatitis: you did not teach me at all

hepatitis: also, give me back my phone

 hepatitis: NEVER

hepatitis: sigh

Chapter End Notes

cube croissants are indeed real, look it up :)

 ???
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

this chapter changes topics fast. like really fast

pela: i need a break after that hotel stay

bronya rand : @pela why do you have 58 tabs open? and why are they all
wattpad?

pela: yes

bronya rand : isn’t wattpad an… app? you can download that, no?

pela: yes

pela: exactly

serval: are you fucking insane

pela: yes

Dan Heng: i just saw march 7th eat an entire salmon raw

Dan Heng: [march_devours_salmon.jpg]

hepatitis: omg im so proud of her i raised her well

natasha: remy

hepatitis: why won’t you let up and give me my phone back once and for all?

hepatitis: why not

pela: this is so confusing to keep track of wtf

hepatitis: i agree

hepatitis: which is why you should give me my phone back

hepatitis: no lol

hepatitis: natasha, if you will

natasha: do i unmute him? what do you want me to do, exactly?

hepatitis: pls unmute me

hepatitis: yes, you should unmute him

natasha: fine

natasha: you’re still being annoying, so at least it’ll be easier to tell who’s typing

natasha has unmuted ✨ remy ✨

✨ remy ✨ : IM FREE
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: about time

pela: ikr

hepatitis: i think i actually have arthritis

pela: are you /srs or /j

hepatitis: what?

himeko ☕️ : the fuck

himeko ☕️ : there i completed your sentence for you

himeko ☕️ : thank me later

hepatitis: ???

serval: what

hepatitis: blinks

pela: stop blinking

hepatitis: no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: are you all on drugs

serval: yep

hepatitis: i would never be on drugs

hepatitis: wait what?

hepatitis: @serval

hepatitis: is this a joke??

serval: yea im fine dw

pela: is ibuprofen a drug

natasha: yes, and so is caffeine

pela: >:0

natasha: also, why are you taking ibuprofen?

pela: i fell and hit my ankle weird

serval: you fell down a flight of stairs that dont fucking exist

serval: are you ok

pela: wait what

pela: yea im fine tho

hepatitis: what do you mean “a flight of stairs that don’t exist”? @serval

serval: you keep omitting curse words from literally everything

serval: are you a human kidz bop or smth LMAO

hepatitis: is there anything wrong with that?

serval: no but like

hepatitis: exactly

serval: i hate you sometimes

natasha: to be fair, there are children in this group chat

hepatitis: see?

HOOK ☄️ : fuck

natasha: …

natasha: moving on

pela: i wonder why the phrase is called “head swimming”

hepatitis: i think that’s called drowning

pela: YOU STUPID BITCH

hepatitis: what?

serval: hepatitis does not know english phrases and idioms real

hepatitis: i don’t need to use english idioms or phrases

hepatitis: i don’t see the problem here

pela: boring

HOOK ☄️ : sips juice

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fun fact if yall wanna piss remy off

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: he gets incredibly mad if you walk backwards

serval: LMAO REALLY???

serval: gotta try this rq

serval: where is he

hepatitis: everwinter florist

serval: how the fuck do you

serval: holy shit hes actually there wtf

serval: gonna record it for yall

march 7th: thanks lmao

serval: seeya

pela: oero

pela: broe

bronya rand : oreo?

pela: oeieorie

pela: oroo

pela: ROE

pela: OROE

pela: EOR

pela: im gonna kms

prepare for trouble: FUCKING WHEEZING RN

serval: [omg_seele_it_actually_worked.mp4]
serval: hes yelling at me rn holy shit it actually works

serval: oh my god hes chasing me rn ttyl

hepatitis: what?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: told you itll work

serval: thanks seeLEEE&2991

hepatitis: …?

march 7th: [serval_gets_beat_up.mp4]

march 7th: what if i put this on spotify

pela: put it on spotify

pela: vengeance will be mine

prepare for trouble: what

 spotify
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

march uploads a video of serval getting beat up to spotify

hepatitis: i have to eat, bye

serval: eat what???? send me a pic

hepatitis: [sawdmcwish.jpg]

serval: sawdmcwish

hepatitis: how do you spell it??

serval: SANDWICH

hepatitis: that’s what i typed

hepatitis: snadwih

march 7th: @serval are you ok,,,???? since remy beat you up

serval: yep its fine

pela: it was, in fact, not fine

serval: stfu

march 7th: i uploaded the video to spotify

march 7th: it has like 40k streams im so sorry

serval: WHAT

serval: DELETE IT RN

hepatitis: haha

serval: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHIGN

march 7th: IM FAMOUS LMAO

✨ remy ✨ : L + ratio

serval: KILL YOURSELFFFFF

pela: this could be a great fanfic prompt

serval: PELA

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: LMAOO IM SO SORRY

Dan Heng: what’s with all the commotion?

serval: MARCH UPLOADED ME GETTING BEAT UP TO SPOTIFY

serval: IT HAS 40K STREAMS

march 7th: 41k now :)

serval: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Dan Heng: really?

Dan Heng: now i’m curious

serval: NO

natasha: march, please delete it, for serval’s sake

march 7th: no

natasha: tsk tsk

hepatitis: this feels like a really weird comedy with no semblance of a plot

natasha: …

pela: uh

✨ remy ✨ : lmao

hepatitis: what?
natasha: moving on

hepatitis: ???

[ 4stral express ]

google: @march 7th send me the link to the “song” you uploaded to spotify, please

march 7th: alr gimme a sec

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

serval: WHY IS DAN HENG LISTENING TO IT NOW

serval: IM GONNA KMS

Dan Heng: i was curious

serval: ITS GONNA SOUND THE SAME AS ANY OTHER PERSON GETTING BEAT UP

serval: WHAT IS THERE TO BE CURIOUS ABOUT????

hepatitis: calm down

serval: im calm

✨ remy ✨ : you arent

serval: 10 minutes and 19 seconds

✨ remy ✨ : what

✨ remy ✨ : what the fuck does that mean

serval: 9 minutes and 58 seconds

serval: 9 minutes and 23 seconds

✨ remy ✨ : @hepatitis HELP ME WHAT THE FUCK

serval: 8 minutes and 0 seconds

hepatitis: serval, you’re scaring him

serval: 7 minutes and 45 seconds

serval: 7 minutes and 34 seconds

✨ remy ✨ : before i die i need to scrimblo my blorks

serval: i had to stop the timer there out of pure confusion

✨ remy ✨ : EVIL HAS BEEN VANQUISHED

serval: 23 seconds

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT
 look whos inside again
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

seele (just seele, nobody else) plays a lyric prank that goes only 50% wrong

serval: mmm caffienenei

hepatitis: i can eat coffee, but not energy drinks

pela: weak

pela: also

pela: EAT???

pela: WDYM EAT??????

hepatitis: it was a typo, pela

hepatitis: i don’t eat coffee

pela: you eat ice idk man

pela: doesnt seem too far off to assume you eat coffee

hepatitis: is that an insult?

pela: idk

pela: im gonna slepe now bye

hepatitis: it’s 6:30AM

hepatitis: i would’ve assumed you just woke up

serval: MORNING FUCKERS

serval: I DIDNT SLEEP AT ALL LAST NIGHT

hepatitis: why?

serval: I WAS YELLING AT MARCH OVER TEXT

march 7th: slept like a log ngl

march 7th: even w all the notifs

serval: i hate you so much

hepatitis: this is getting interesting to watch as a bystander

serval: STOP BEING A FUCKING BYSTANDER THEN

march 7th: Hello. This is Welt Yang. I have deleted the video on this “Spotify” you speak of, on
your behalf. March is currently nagging me to give her her phone back, so I do not have much time
left to type this. I will see you all later.
serval: THANK YOU OMG

serval: MARRY ME

Welt Yang: No.

serval: fair

hepatitis: congratulations, serval

hepatitis: happy?

serval: yes

serval: also i will kill march

hepatitis: figures

✨ remy ✨ : idk about yall im exhausted

hepatitis: because serval chased you around the whole city?

✨ remy ✨ : because serval chased me around the whole city

serval: PAYBACK

✨ remy ✨ : PAYBCACK FOR WHAT???? I DID

NOTHING
serval: you did someone *stares at hepatitis*

hepatitis: moving onto the next topic

hepatitis: …please move on to the next topic

hepatitis: hello?

hepatitis: anyone?

pela: sorry

pela has kicked hepatitis for 15 minutes

[ gepard, pela ]

gepard: what was that for? did i do anything wrong?

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: yall remember the lyric prank that failed HORRIBLY

prepare for trouble: yep

prepare for trouble: i still hold a grudge against dandan for that

prepare for trouble: fuck you dandan

Dan Heng: it’s been 2 months since that happened

Dan Henh: maybe let up a little?

prepare for trouble: why should i listen to YOU

Dan Heng: fair, i guess

pela: i have like 15 songs that could be good for this

pela: problem is

pela: theyre all in japanese

serval: i didnt take japanese duolingo courses for nothing

pela: thats the spirit

hepatitis: none of us know japanese

pela: except serval

pela: also we only have 15 minutes to discuss this

pela: good luck im gonna sleep

serval: WHAT

serval: YOU CANT FUCKIGN DO THAT

✨ remy ✨ : can i opt out

serval: no

serval: fuck you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: LOOK WHOS INSIDE AGAIN BY BO BURNHAM

Welt Yang: Ah, I see. Going for a psychological attack?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yes

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: any objections

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ok good pela bring him back

pela: what

pela: i was taking a nap

serval: INCORRECT

serval: you were refreshing ao3 for 5 minutes straight

pela: FUCK YOU

pela added hepatitis to the group

hepatitis: what was that for? you neve answered my question

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: trying to be funny and stuck in a room

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: there isnt much more to say about it

serval: yo hepatitis

hepatitis: what?

bronya rand : good morning

serval: its 2pm

bronya rand : oh no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: can one be funny when stuck in a room

serval: yes

serval: im stuck in a room

serval: if you call my workshop a room

hepatitis: you aren’t “stuck” in it, by its literal definition

hepatitis: plus, you aren’t funny

serval: im gonna superglue myself to the fucking counter also FUCK YOU
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: being in

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: trying to get something out of it

hepatitis: are you okay?

✨ remy ✨ : yes

hepatitis: i’m not asking you

✨ remy✨ : >:0 rude

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: try making faces

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: try telling jokes

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: making little sounds

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i was a kid who was stuck in her room

hepatitis: look who’s inside again by bo burnham

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FUCK YOU

hepatitis: smile emoji

 honkai: star DErail
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

the group talks about ice cream flavors and then hepatitis gets drunk

serval: best ice cream flavor GO

hepatitis: vanilla

pela: ew basic

serval: i bet your favorite is fucking coffee or smth

pela: FUCK YUO COFFEE ICE CREAM

bronya rand : i don’t know what my favorite ice cream flavor is

✨ remy ✨ : mint chocolate chip

serval: ew

serval: toothpaste eater

himeko ☕️ : tootHPASTE EATER IM FUCKING DYING RN

✨ remy ✨ : mint chocolate chip tastes nothing like

toothpaste
✨ remy ✨ : toothpaste wishes it could be half of what mcc
is

serval: what the fuck is mcc?? minecraft craft????

✨ remy ✨ : MCC MEANS MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP

YOU FUCKING IDIOT

serval: YOU CANT EVEN BOTHER TYPING MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP???? LAZY PIECE
OF SHIT

serval: kids these days smh

clara and mr. svarog!: (;_;)

serval: except clara and hook

serval: but anyway

✨ remy ✨ : IM NOT A FUCKING KID IM LIKE 35

serval: THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN “LIKE 35” DO YOU NOT KNOW YOUR FUCKING AGE

✨ remy ✨ : thE DETAILS DO NOT FUCKING MATTER

serval: FUCK YOU

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: take a shot every time remy and serval curse

natasha: don’t
natasha: for your sake, and mine

serval: if anyones curious weve cursed 9 times so far

natasha: don’t.

hepatitis: that’s such a stupid game

serval: ikr

serval: WAIT WHY IS HEPATITIS PULLIGN OUT A BOTTLE

serval: [WHAT_THE_FUCK.jpg]

serval: HELP

serval: THIS IS YOUR FAULT @ ✨ remy ✨

✨ remy ✨ : ITS YOUR FAULT

✨ remy ✨ : i only cursed thrice

✨ remy ✨ : you cursed 6 times

serval: fuck you

✨ remy ✨ : 7 times
natasha: would the file name count?

✨ remy ✨ : now that you mention it

✨ remy✨ : yes

✨ remy ✨ : 8 times

serval: i hate you

serval: how dare you force me to stop cursing

✨ remy ✨ : i never forced you???

serval: if i keep cursing my brother is going to die

✨ remy ✨ : technically its seeles fault

serval: shit youre right

serval: WAIT I MEAN

serval: NO

hepatitis: whya snekeiekca tete s 7/79 sliegebs sbyt tis snakekntlri 01 ekehalehsbbeleieve

serval: oh my god what have i done

✨ remy ✨ : what have you done

serval: I HATE YOU

serval: god it feels so weird using not cursing every other sentence

serval: @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH why

serval: why did you come up with the game

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: why did you let your brother play it???

serval: I DIDNT

natasha: i think your brother has alcohol poisoning

serval: oh thats just fucking great

serval: WAIT NO

serval: I HATE YOU ALL

serval: HEPATITIS IS PASSED OUT HELP ME

✨ remy ✨ : do i need to give mouth to mouth

✨ remy✨ : ikywim

serval: wth is wrong with you

natasha: you know mouth-to-mouth isn’t a recommended form of cpr, i’ve told you before. plus, he
won’t need cpr, since he’s still breathing (likely).

serval: what she said

pela: your brother is weak

serval: fair but also how dare you

bronya rand : how did this conversation go from ice cream flavors to your
brother getting black-out drunk? @serval

serval: idk

serval: wait

serval: i hear music

serval: coming from upstairs

serval: JESUS CHRIST ITS MISERY X CPR X REESES PUFFS

serval: @ ✨ remy ✨ WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY

HOUSE

✨ remy ✨ : yes
 filler chapter
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

mainly just hepatitis suffering from hangover

hepatitis: i just woke up with the worst headache i’ve ever had

hepatitis: i think i’m going to die

Dan Heng: ok

hepatitis: thanks…?

serval: backread

hepatitis: okay

hepatitis: …

hepatitis: serval

serval: IT WAS SEELE WHO CAME UP WITHT THAT

hepatitis: seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: way to throw me under the bus jfc serval
serval: its the truth idk what to tell you

✨ remy ✨ : notice how he didnt blame me at all

hepatitis: shut up

serval: DIE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im gonna set your house on fire

✨ remy ✨ : jeez

pela: im soup

pela:

serval: thats ramen not soup

pela: its the closest thing to soup

serval:

serval: thats a fucking soup if ive ever seen one

pela: casserole

serval: ITS FUCKING LIQUID

pela: CASSEROLE IS LIQUID????

serval: no the fuck it isnt

serval: [casserole.jpg]

hepatitis: the soup argument

hepatitis: reminds me of a certain other argument from around 1.5-2 months ago

✨ remy ✨ : CEREAL IS A SOUP

serval: fuck you

prepare for trouble: KYS

prepare for trouble: DIE

natasha: my fight-or-flight response has been activated

hepatitis: not this again

hepatitis: please

pela: WHY

Dan Heng: i’m having an allergic reaction to what you just typed @ ✨ remy
✨

march 7th: youre allergic to everythjng atp

Dan Heng: i am not

✨ remy ✨ : i am very satisfied with this reaction

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i am going to beat you

natasha: i am going to do nothing about it

✨ remy ✨ : YOURE MY COUSIN

natasha: and?

natasha: just don’t get beat

natasha: you’re probably fast enough

✨ remy ✨ : THATS SEELE

✨ remy ✨ : its like physically impossible to outrun her

natasha: that’s not my problem

hepatitis: i’m tired

hepatitis: i need sleep

hepatitis: @bronya rand i can’t clock into work today, i’m hungover
bronya rand : what?

serval: this idiot participated in a drinking game

hepatitis: i am not an idiot

bronya rand : that i know, but how much did he drink?

hepatitis: i don’t know

serval: i think it was 11 shots before he blacked out

bronya rand : WHAT.

serval: ikr

bronya rand : serval.

serval: it was seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FUCK YUO

bronya rand : …we’ll talk later

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SERVAL YOU LITTLE SHIT

serval: smiles

hepatitis: i’m going outside to buy groceries

✨ remy ✨ : kay

hepatitis: you aren’t coming with?

✨ remy ✨ : nope

✨ remy ✨ : too busy sending death threats to children

hepatitis: too busy doing what?

HOOK ☄️ : I AM CHILDREN

natasha: this is why i’m letting seele beat you

✨ remy ✨ : fair
 12am things
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

the entirety of belobog (almost) is up at 12am and they just go fucking mad

✨ remy ✨ : good evening

serval: ITS 12 IN THE FUCKING AM

hepatitis: wjjsns

hepatitis: i dropped my phone, sorry

serval: WHY ARE YOU AWAKE AT 12AM

hepatitis: the same reason you are

serval: liar

✨ remy ✨ : jfc himekos been calling me dove since a week

ago and i only just now found out its a SHAMPOO BRAND

✨ remy ✨ : I THOUGHT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A

CUTE NICKNAME OR SMTH AND I DIDNT SUSPECT ANYTHIGN

himeko ☕️ : this is true

✨ remy ✨ : youre cruel

himeko ☕️ : thanks

Welt Yang: All of you, go to sleep.

serval: ok peepaw

Welt Yang: Serval.

serval: LMFAO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i burnt water #icantfuckingcook

hepatitis: what.

✨ remy ✨ : what a coincidence my best pal i also burnt

water just now

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you call me best pal one more time and i will run you over with a
car

serval: WHY THW FUCK ARE YOU GUYS BURNING WATER

hepatitis: i just saw pela fall down the stairs

serval: wtf is she ok???

hepatitis: she just… got back up and continued walking like normal

prepare for trouble: shes just like me fr!!!

serval: the fuck

march 7th: i can confirm

hepatitis: are you guys okay?

prepare for trouble: no ‼️

Dan Heng: i keep getting notifications from this group chat and it’s driving me mad

serval: cool

march 7th: just mute it you dramatic ass mf

Dan Heng: okay

hepatitis: i just hit my ankle weird

hepatitis: i need a moment

pela: @hepatitis rip bozo

hepatitis: thanks a lot…?

pela: yw

serval: since when did you start hating him tf

pela: basic

serval: fair

pela: if he was a spice hed be fucking flour

and make it double!: oh speakingg of flour

and make it double!: i just ate an entire sack of flour

serval: what the fuck is wrong with you

hepatitis: being honest, caelus, i forgot you existed

and make it double!: ok well fuck you disease man

serval: DIseASE MAN HELPPP

hepatitis: why do you still hold a grudge against me?

and make it double!: YOU FORGOT I FUCKIGN EXISTED AND YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO
BE MAD AT YOU?????

hepatitis: fair enough

march 7th: gusyysyss drank too mauch coffeenow i cantt type rcproprely

serval: WEAK
pela: WEAK

hepatitis: weak

serval: WEAK

serval: USE CAPS FOR FUCKS SAKE @hepatitis

hepatitis: no

Dan Heng: your first mistake was drinking coffee at midnight

✨ remy ✨ : this is so relatable my best friend march VII

march 7th: eww not you trying to be all buddy-buddy w me

✨ remy ✨ : i try to be nice one time and i get this in return

smh my head

pela: honestly deserved

serval: me when i shake my head my head

pela: didnt you say that once before

serval: wwhy tf are you askjng that

serval: yes??,
hepatitis: i’m thirsty

serval: like water thirsty or the other thirsty

hepatitis: ???

serval: answer my question

hepatitis: i’m gonna go get some water

serval: ok that answers my question

hepatitis: i spilled my water everywhere

hepatitis: i’m going to die

serval: jfc calm down broseph

hepatitis: ???

pela: brOSEPH????

serval: yes

hepatitis: i’m going back to get more water

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: okay,???? you dont have to inform us of your every fucking move
yk
hepatitis: i know

hepatitis: anyway, i’m walking towards the kitchen

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: jesus fucking christ what did i just say

hepatitis: i wasn’t listening to you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: jfc i thought you silvermanes were supposed to be observant or
smth

✨ remy ✨ : morning

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: GO THE FUCK BACK TO SLEEP IM GONNA KILL YOU

✨ remy ✨ : what

pela: the one thing i dont like about ice is that it turns into water and i dont want fucking water
juice

hepatitis: what

serval: idk man it adds more depth to milk

pela: DIE

hepatitis: i’m going to sleep, i’ve had enough of this group chat for today… and tomorrow

hepatitis: i think i’ve also had enough for the next year, so see you next year
serval: we both know thats absolutely not true

hepatitis: yeah

pela: knew it

pela: addicts (not) anonymous

pela: welcome to the club

hepatitis: i was always in this club

pela: i just never acknowledged your existence as a club member if im being honest

hepatitis: oh

serval: sips milk

pela: WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH MILK

serval:

pela: i feel like im the only normal person here

hepatitis: hello?

pela: you dont count

hepatitis: mr yang, bronya, natasha, dan heng??

pela: fair

Dan Heng: you are not normal

pela: i wasnt asking yOU

hepatitis: my head hurts

pela: good

pela: suffer

march 7th: the fuck happened

march 7th: i thought yall were friends or smth

hepatitis: no, we’re still friends

hepatitis: however, she bullies me

hepatitis: a lot

pela: yes

pela: probably more than i bully remy

✨ remy ✨ : yo
pela: jesus fucking christ

pela: speak of the devil

✨ remy✨ : are you calling me the devil

pela: you look like smth that came straight from hell so yea

✨ remy✨ : wrong

✨ remy✨ : i came gay from hell

pela: ah

pela: how could i forget

pela: now shoo

 contact names
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

contact names. idk what else to say

hepatitis: what’s my contact name on everyone’s phones?

serval: milkn’t

hepatitis: is it because i didn’t drink as much milk as you 30 YEARS AGO

serval: maybe if you drank more milk as a kid you wouldnt have lost against me and the others at
the restricted zone????? you and your weak ass bones smh

hepatitis: i’m blocking you

serval: no you wont

serval: whats my contact name tho????

hepatitis: the worse landau

serval: oh SO YOURE TRYNA FIGHT HUH????

serval: BRING IT ON

serval: FUCKIGN SQUARE UP

natasha: he blocked you

serval: he didnt

serval: hes just a wuss

pela: @serval your contact name is “the worse landau” on my phone lmao

serval: HOW DARE YOU

pela: chill

pela: @hepatitis your contact name is “the worst landau”

hepatitis: …

hepatitis: moving on,

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: “definition of denial”

hepatitis: am not

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @serval say the thing

serval: CASE IN POINT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thanks now go away

serval: yo pela whats lynxs contact name

pela: its just lynx

serval: WHAT

serval: favoritism at its finest smh

pela: lets fucking go schools cancelled bc the weather sucks

hepatitis: you don’t even go to school

pela: SHUT THE FUCJ UP THIS HAS NTOHING TO DO WITT YOU

bronya rand : the weather is fine, i don’t know what you mean

pela: ok “my boss except on fridays”

bronya rand : …that was a throwaway line

bronya rand : you still have to work on fridays

pela: GODDAMNIT

bronya rand : also, what’s with the quotation marks?

pela: thats your contact name

bronya rand : figures

serval: why is her contact name so long tf

pela: why not

pela: fuck off

serval: oh no pela angwy woe is me

hepatitis: your contact nam ing skills are honestly horrible

pela: THIS IS WHY YOURE THE WORST LANDAU

hepatitis: haha

pela: KYS

serval: ok then “no talk her she angy”

pela: I HATE YOU ALL RAAAAAHHHHHG

✨ remy ✨ : i think i know what my contact name is for all of

you

serval: i think you do

hepatitis: “why haven’t i blocked you yet?”

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: “FUCKING KYS”

pela: “killed my family burned my crops ruined my life ruined my coworke”

pela: i hit the character limit there

pela: imo it makes it funnier

hepatitis: run that by me again?

pela: imo it makes it funnier

hepatitis: .

hepatitis: okay

✨ remy ✨ : WHY IS MY CONTACT NAME SO DAMN

LONG WHAT THE FUCK

pela: LMAOO

✨ remy ✨ : ALSO I DIDNT DO ANY OF THAT????

✨ remy ✨ : except for the last one but

✨ remy ✨ : WAIT

✨ remy ✨ : FUCK

✨ remy ✨ : DELETR THAT

✨ remy ✨ : HOW DO I DELETE MESSGAES

natasha: you can’t

✨ remy✨ : im gonna kms

clara and mr. svarog!: when did you ruin miss pela’s life? (￣^￣)ゞ

hepatitis: moving on,

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: now im curious

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: whats my contact name except for the basic ones where its just
my name

serval: seele

hepatitis: seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: are you fuckers illiterate

pela: seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im gonna kill you istg

✨ remy ✨ : honestly youd try to kill me whether i tell you or

not

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ill kill you less if you tell

pela: how the fuck

✨ remy ✨ : “the scary one”

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: adequate

serval: wow bronya taught you some big words

serval: so proud of you :)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: KYS

serval: is kys in your predictive text now or smth LMAOO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what do you think

hepatitis: sigh

serval: you keep sighing whenever you have nothing to say

hepatitis: yep

and make it double!: reminder that i exist and im making it everyones problem

and make it double!: @hepatitis @hepatitis @hepatitis @hepatitis

hepatitis: look, i’m sorry

hepatitis: but please stop tagging me because you hold a grudge against me
and make it double!: i dont hold a grudge against you

and make it double!: i fucking despise you

hepatitis: @Dan Heng how do you deal with him?

Dan Heng: i don’t know

Dan Heng: just let him cool down a little

hepatitis: he’s probably still mad that i won against him in chess

hepatitis: he threw the chessboard across the express

Dan Heng: i heard

serval: why tf are yall being so sophisticated like

serval: this is a gc

hepatitis: because we’re normal people

serval: you are not normal in the slightest

hepatitis: point taken

 written during the ao3 shutdown of 2023
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

the squad argues again

Chapter Notes

im so glad ao3 is back up :D

hepatitis: i’m at the express

serval: yo same milkn’t

hepatitis: .

hepatitis: serval

serval: KMAO

and make it double!: @hepatitis HISSES

and make it double!: GROWLS

and make it double!: FUCK YOU

hepatitis: …?
Dan Heng: sorry about him

hepatitis: no, no, it’s fine

hepatitis: i understand

and make it double!: NO YOUO DONT

serval: why dont you shut the FUCK UP

prepare for trouble: FUCKKJJ AO3 IS DOWN

serval: L bozo

pela: use wattpad instead

prepare for trouble: you wouldnt catch me dead using wattpad smh

pela: this is why you have no friends

prepare for trouble: how many friends do you have

pela: 60

pela: in genshin

prepare for trouble: amateur

prepare for trouble: i have 70

pela: THATS NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE

prepare for trouble: what if i bend reality

pela: YOU CANT FUCKING BEND REALITY

prepare for trouble: watch me

prepare for trouble: @Welt Yang do your reality bendy thing idk

Welt Yang: What.

✨ remy ✨ : sometimes i wonder how i taste

pela: pork

✨ remy ✨ : what

pela: i googled it

pela: i have to google a lot of weird shit for fanfics

hepatitis: ok

serval: boring

serval: imagine not eating human meat

hepatitis: what.

serval: it was a joke dw i dont actually eat human meat

✨ remy ✨ : when i say shampoo nobody bats an eye

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: DONT YOU FUCKING DARE

✨ remy ✨ : but when i say shamshit society goes wild

serval: (society)

hepatitis: ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: THIS IS WHY I HATE YOU

natasha: …so you’re fine with the whole “criminal” thing?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hasnt everyone committed at least 1 crime before

hepatitis: ???

bronya rand : seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: shit

pela: im an intelligence officer so i think im supposed to be confused too

pela: but honestly ive just been trying to convince hepatitis that hes technically a murderer for the
past 2 months so honestly i agree

hepatitis: you are one text message away from getting blocked

pela: fucking try me

pela: I JUST DRANK MY ICED TEA WEIRD AND NOW MY THROAT FEELS LIKE ITS ON
FIRE IM GOING TO DIE

serval: skill issue

pela: WHAT SKILL IS NEEDED TO DRINK FUCKTIGN F ICED TTEA I GHATE

YOIYIURHRHR

hepatitis: what

✨ remy ✨ : lol

pela: I WAS HODKIGN MY TUCKGINF FS FICED TEA WHETTERR IS IT

pela: @ ✨ remy ✨

pela: IM GONAA PUT RAT POISON IN YOUR FUCJIGN WINE

✨ remy ✨ : i dont have it????

pela: I DONT CARE MY ICED TEA IS GONE IM GONNA DIE

bronya rand : someone is blasting ENA MIX by Cótiles

bronya rand : i am inclined to believe that it is pela

serval: 1 question

serval: HOW DO YOU KNOW THE EXACT SONG NAMR

bronya rand : pela told me

serval: ok fair

march 7th: yk those leaves on the marastrcuk guys

Welt Yang: March, nobody in this group chat knows what you’re talking about, besides me, Stelle,
and Caelus.

march 7th: what are they called agaun

march 7th: ginseng beans????

Welt Yang: Ginkgo leaves. I’m not sure where you got the “beans” part from, but they are
definitely not beans.

march 7th: aiyahhh same difference

Welt Yang: No.

hepatitis: are you on drugs??

Welt Yang: .
Welt Yang: None of your concern.

hepatitis: WGAT.

hepatitis: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??

serval: first time this mf made a typo bravo ig

hepatitis: what do you mean “bravo”?

serval: “wHaT dO yOu MeAn BrAvO” jfc

hepatitis: ???

hepatitis: what does that even mean??

hepatitis: why is everyone so rude to me all of a sudden?

pela: deserved

hepatitis: coming from you, it’s expected

hepatitis: but serval?

hepatitis: …to be fair, it’s also expected

hepatitis: now that i think about it

✨ remy ✨ : dw ill never be rude to you <33

hepatitis: you are the one person i wish were rude to me

✨ remy ✨ : do you mean that in a “i hate you” way or a “;)”

way

serval: DO NOT

✨ remy ✨ : LMFAO

hepatitis: .

himeko ☕️ : enjoying this discussion very much

pela: stop enjoying it

himeko ☕️ : ok child

pela: I AM 32 FUCKING YEARS OLD IM JUST SHORT

himeko ☕️ : LMAOO

serval: SINCE WHEN WERE YOU 32???? I THOUGHT YOU WERE 8

pela: WHAT.

pela: IM GONNA FUCKINF MURDER YOU

pela: IT IS ON SIGHT
serval: WHEEZING

serval: DOES THE WIDDLE BABY NEED HER PACIFIER

pela: IM GONNA BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR FEEBLE BODY

serval: I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY BROTHER HES THE FEEBLE ONE

hepatitis: don’t bring me into this

serval: i am absolutely bringing you into this

serval: if im arguing you are too

hepatitis: since when??

serval: since yes

hepatitis: since no

serval: yes

hepatitis: no

serval: yes

hepatitis: no
serval: YES

hepatitis: NO

serval: NO

hepatitis: YES

hepatitis: wait

serval: gotcha

hepatitis: i hate you

 lawndoo siblings
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

this is half remy slander and half landau siblings

serval: i am in pain

hepatitis: okay

hepatitis:

pela:

serval: what

serval: ???

serval: like im in actual pain

serval: HELOO??

hepatitis: oh ok

✨ remy ✨ : for context

✨ remy ✨ : she threw herself down the stairs

serval: yea what he said

serval: wait how tHE FUCK DO YOU KNOW

✨ remy ✨ : trade secret

serval: TRADE SECRET MY ASS THIS IS A FUCKING CRIME

pela: wait im supposed to help???

serval: BITCH YES?????? YOURE A FUCKING INTELLIGENCE OFFICER,????

pela: oh

pela: ok

pela: @ ✨ remy ✨ kill yourself

pela: now

pela: this is an order

serval: THATS NOT HOW YOU HELP DUMBASS

✨ remy ✨ : YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE

pela: i dont have to

hepatitis: you’re terrible at this

pela: thank you

pela: ill let you take the wheel now bc its friday seeya

hepatitis: i can’t drive, though

hepatitis: get it?

pela: fuck you

hepatitis: .

hepatitis: i try to be funny once

pela: bye

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i think lukas getting a phone soon

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: idk tho i think ill ask him later

✨ remy ✨ : since when????

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: why do you wanna know

✨ remy ✨ : bc im curious?? smh cant have shit in belobog

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: theres a fucking reASON YOU CANT HAVE SHIT IN
BELOBOG
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ITS CALLED A CRIMINAL RECORD

✨ remy ✨ : ITS NOT THAT BAD

hepatitis: it is absolutely that bad

pela: welcome to belobog

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: please leave belobog

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: for your own sake

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fucking glares at remy

serval: @hepatitis should i add lynx

hepatitis: no

serval: yes

hepatitis: we aren’t doing this again

serval: we’re adding lynx

[ landooooooo ]

servalley girl: @touching grass do you wanna join the belobog gc

milkn’t: she hasn’t been online in 2 months, what makes you think she’s just going to pop online to
answer your question?

touching grass: what belobog gc

milkn’t: oh my god

servalley girl: what did i tell ya

servalley girl: im obviously the favorite

milkn’t: that was just a coincidence

servalley girl: she literally never talks to you wdym coincidence

milkn’t: she’s offline 80% of the time

servalley girl: 80% of the time my ass

touching grass: take this conversation somewhere else

touching grass: im trying to observe the environment in the snow plains

servalley girl: youve been observing the same fucking environment for 6 years now

touching grass: you dont understand

milkn’t: if you two start arguing, just remember that i have nothing to do with it
touching grass: we arent arguing

milkn’t: whatever you say

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

serval: remember my sister

march 7th: what sister

serval: screenshotting that and sending it to her rn

march 7th: WHAT

[ lynx, serval ]

serval: [marchie_ss.jpg]

serval: how do you feel about this

lynx: how do you want me to feel

serval: idk

lynx: exactly

lynx: i dont know her either so im not that offended

serval: aiyah youre actually being reasonable

lynx: (??? whats that suppsoed to mean

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

serval: m

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fun fact

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: my scythe doubles as a gun

hepatitis: oh

✨ remy ✨ : yea i know that

✨ remy✨ : learned the hard way

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nobody gives a shit about your input

✨ remy ✨ : cant have shit in belobog

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: weve gone over this before

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: there is

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: a fucking

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: REASON

 landarguing (landau + arguing)
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

dan heng leaves the epxress for an hour

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

prepare for trouble: get caelus to stop blasting music from his room PLEASE @Dan Heng

Dan Heng: i’m outside, i’ll be there in an hour

prepare for trouble: AN HOUR???? 60 FUCKING MINUTOS???

prepare for trouble: I AM GOING TO DIE

Dan Heng: get off the express

prepare for trouble: oh shit youre right

Dan Heng: before you leave, what music is caelus playing?

prepare for trouble: california gurls low quality

Dan Heng: i feel sorry for you

and make it double!: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DRFEND ME ??v?

✨ remy ✨ : get your own relationship dynamic smh

serval: you dont fucking own dynamics

✨ remy ✨ : wrong

✨ remy ✨ : i collect my dynamics like fucking pokemon

cards you cant stop me

hepatitis: what

serval: yea

hepatitis: i have a headache

serval: then stop having a headache

hepatitis: how?

serval: figure it out yourself

hepatitis: you are the reason i have a headache

serval: its an elder sisters duty to make her siblings get headaches

hepatitis: i don’t want headaches

serval: too bad youre gonna get them anyway

serval: its like getting a happy meal w a toy

serval: the headache is the toy

hepatitis: i don’t want the toy :(

himeko ☕️ : why is like 25% of the entire gc history just you two

serval: yes

pela: the author just really likes the landau siblings ig

serval: WHO THE FUCK IS THE AUTHOR

[ wall breakers ]

natasha: stop talking about the author

pela: yea ik

natasha: very well

sampo: yo

pela: GO AWYA

sampo: why did you change my name here :( i think the sparkles were a nice addition

pela: they were not

pela: the author died a little bit inside when creating your username

sampo: fair

pela: the author also doesnt want to write about you bc your names gonna be in her predictive text
sooner or later

sampo: OUCH

pela: honestly i dont blame her LMAO

sampo: THIS IS SLANDER

natasha: it isn’t

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

bronya rand : i brought coffee beans

himeko ☕️ : thanks

hepatitis: ok

serval: you cant just butt into any conversation you want

serval: this has nothing to do w you

hepatitis: ???
 hepatitis: we are not arguing over this

serval: fine

march 7th: CAELUS HAS NOT STOPPED BLASTING MUSIC

march 7th: I THINK MR YANG IS GOING INSANE

Welt Yang: You think?

Dan Heng: i never knew you could think

march 7th: DANDAN.

march 7th: now is NOT the time

Dan Heng: that’s very rich of you

march 7th: so anyway i just bought a handbag

march 7th: [handbag.jpg]

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fill it with rocks and hit the people that piss you off with it

march 7th: good idea

Dan Heng: march is currently running to my room

Chapter End Notes

sorry for the slightly shorter chapter
 full circle
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

pela: hey gepard how are you

pelq: *HEPATITIS

pela: HOLY SHIT

serval: we have truly come full circle

hepatitis: can i finally change my name?

pela: no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: morning jeopardy

hepatitis: no

serval: jaccard

hepatitis: .

march 7th: jean shorts

hepatitis: god fucking dammit

serval: PULL THE FIRE ALARMS JAPED JUST SWORE

hepatitis: help me

✨ remy ✨ : no problem germany

hepatitis: dear qlipoth, please give me strength when i am weak, love when i feel forsaken,
courage when i am afraid, wisdom when i feel foolish, comfort when i am alone, hope when i feel
rejected, and peace when i am in turmoil. amen

and make it double!: the fuck

serval: we all know you just plagiarized a random prayer you found online

serval: be fucking original

hepatitis: i’ve been busted, it seems

pela: @bronya rand sorry i cant come to work for the next week i bought
kirby and thte forgotten land and im gonna be playing it nonstop for the next week

bronya rand :…

bronya rand : first of all, you’re supposed to call me for these matters

bronya rand : second of all, no

pela: fuck you

pela: so anyway who wants to play katfl w me

march 7th: ME

march 7th: I WANNA SUCK PEOPLE

serval:

march 7th: wait no that came out wrong

pela: youre gonna play as bandana dee L

march 7th: oh fuck you

pela: I BOUGHT THE GAME????

pela: I THINK I HAVE THE RIGHT TO PLAY AS KIRBY GET YOUR OWN GAME IF YOU
WANNA PLAY AS KIRBY SO BADLY

hepatitis: ???

march 7th: SHOOTS YOU IN THE FUCKING HEAD

pela: DODGES

serval: oh my fucking god

hepatitis: not another roleplay

pela: @march 7th shoots you back

march 7th: eats the bullet

prepare for trouble: will dandan and carlos PLEASE stop making out in their room im trying to
map out belobogs trash cans

Welt Yang: No wonder you locked yourself in your room for 5 hours.

serval: the fuck

Dan Heng: sorry for the inconvenience

prepare for trouble: it was very inconvenient yes thank you for acknowledging this

and make it double!: WHY IS IT YOUR PROBLEM???? WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU
LISTRNING

prepare for trouble: I WASNT LISTENINNGv(???, I OVERHEARD IT

prepare for trouble: MAYBE CLOSE THE FUCKIFN dOOr BEFORE YALL MAKE OUT JFC

Dan Heng: i forgot, sorry

prepare for trouble: then stop forgetting

and make it double!: not my problem

prepare for trouble: IT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM

prepare for trouble: THIS IS THE TEXTBOOK FUCKING DEFINITION OF “YOUR
PROBLEM”

hepatitis: i’m very glad the topic of the conversation is moving away from me

and make it double!: yea no just bc you said that im changing the topic again

hepatitis: why must you do this to me

and make it double!: hey garlic

hepatitis: GARLIC?

✨ remy ✨ : gARLIC IM FUCJING WHEEZING RN

hepatitis: help

✨ remy ✨ : no

hepatitis: i hate you

✨ remy ✨ : sure you do

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: please for the love of god keep this in dms im actually gonna
jump off a building

bronya rand : don’t

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: so anyway im not gonna jump off a building anymore i changed
my mind
serval: whipped

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: stfu

serval: GOT YO ASS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: NO

bronya rand : :)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BRONYA THIS IS YOUR FAUTL

✨ remy ✨ : LMFAOO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: KYS

✨ remy ✨ : IVE NEVER TOLD YOU TO KYS BEFORE

BUT YOU DO ALL THE TIME

✨ remy ✨ : HELLO??, THE AUDACITY????

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im gonna run you over

✨ remy ✨ : ??? you dont wven have a car

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: bronya does

bronya rand : no
 ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: so anyway i changed my mind im not gonna run you over

serval: WHIPPED

Chapter End Notes

when will remy be called by his real name again? idk man
 iced milk
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

serval: THEYRE OUT OF ICED MILK

hepatitis: you can just… make your own

serval: ITS NOT THE SAME

hepatitis: it is the same

serval: NOT

hepatitis: it’s MILK with ICE

serval: YES BUTT ITS DIFFEREN T

HOOK ☄️ : butt

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: for the love of god can yall stop arguing

himeko ☕️ : no no please continue arguing

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im gonna break your neck

himeko ☕️ : as if you could reach my neck

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: oh my fucking god we are the same height

himeko ☕️ : how do you know that

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i have my ways

✨ remy ✨ : omg my best friend is developing my speaking

manners

hepatitis: are you drunk? you don’t normally text like that

✨ remy ✨ : you think its weird for me to type in sentences

hepatitis: yes

✨ remy ✨ : honestly fair

hepatitis: so are you drunk?

serval: MY ICED MILSK

[ landooooooo ]

servalley girl: @touching grass can you buy me iced milk

milkn’t: isn’t it sold out?

servalley girl: i cant function without my iced milk

milkn’t: i have lactose intolerance while you have lactose overtolerance

servalley girl: since when did you have lactose intolerance tf

milkn’t: since birth??

milkn’t: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW

servalley girl: YOU NEVER TOLD ME?????

milkn’t: WHY ELSE DID YOU THINK I DIDN’T DRINK MILK

servalley girl: I THOUGHT YOU JUST HATED IT

touching grass: what

touching grass: who tagged me

milkn’t: serval

servalley girl: gepard

milkn’t: LIAR

servalley girl: LMFAO

touching grass: real helpful of you two

touching grass: anyway i should be back home in a couple months

touching grass: cant join the gc until then

servalley girl: lynx

servalley girl: sister

servalley girl: bestie

servalley girl: if you can text you can join the fucking gc

touching grass: yea honestly i just wanna put it off until later

servalley girl: fair

servalley girl: honestly the gc sucks ass

touching grass: say less

servalley girl: it will cause irreversible damage to your psyche

touching grass: i said say less

touching grass: stop talking jesus christ

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

march 7th: @hepatitis @serval @ ✨ remy ✨ @ITS

PRONOUNCED ZEELAH yk sometimes i wonder how yall are online literally 24/7
march 7th: like whats up w that

hepatitis: i am not online 24/7

hepatitis: i have a sleep schedule

serval: no you dont

hepatitis: neither do you, so that basically nullifies your argument

serval: fuck you

hepatitis: you didn’t deny it

✨ remy ✨ : omg youre typigng like i do suayaygshshhshsb

hepatitis: ???

natasha: go to sleep

natasha: all of you

Dan Heng: i just woke up from a nap

Dan Heng: what did i miss?

pela: what do you think you missed

march 7th: its been like 5 hours tf were you doing

Dan Heng: taking a nap

march 7th: point taken

march 7th: anyway

prepare for trouble: @Dan Heng you sleep too much tf save some sleep for the rest of us

Dan Heng: no

and make it double!: dandan can hoard all the sleep he wants excuse me

prepare for trouble: stfu canada this has nothing to do w you

and make it double!: MY NAME IS CAELUS???,

prepare for trouble: oh right yea sorry cannon

serval: cANNON

and make it double!: im gonna kill you w my bare hands

prepare for trouble: try

prepare for trouble: you cant do shit without your lame ass baseball bat

Welt Yang: Children.

 prepare for trouble: yes mr yang

and make it double!: yes mr yang

serval: children @hepatitis @pela

hepatitis: i am a grown adult

pela: WEVE GONE OVER THIS

pela: FUCK YOU

natasha: children @serval

serval: YOU PIECE OF SHIT

hepatitis: payback

serval: AND YOU

march 7th: bullying landaus: the gc

and make it double!: i fucking love water

Chapter End Notes

tbh im running out of ideas for this fic, so if you have any please share them w me!
anyway thanks for reading as always :D
 belobog court
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

its like ace attorney,, but belobog

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

and make it double!: hydration

and make it double!:

march 7th: STRLLE STOLE ALL OF MY FUKCINF SOCKS

prepare for trouble: did not

march 7th: YOU ENTERED MY ROOM WHILE I WAS GONE

march 7th: AND WHEN I CAME BACK ALL OF MY SOCKS WERE FUCKING GONE

march 7th: EXPLAIN THAT

prepare for trouble: your honor i plead silly

march 7th: is this a fucking court case

serval: COURT IS NOW IN SESSION

and make it double!: your honor the defendant pleads Get rid of debris from the rusty time, those
years (those years)
Don't stay in a daze looking for a sign, start in a trice

Run across fields of ice

Bathing in the starlight

Be well aware of roads we've gone by

Put yesterday's aside

Meet the future head-on

Now, trailblazers keep credos in mind

(I won't say it twice!)

One, stop staying within the lines

Two, we always align

Three, even if we don't gain the upper hand, we'll fight for right

Four, never care a rap for hindsight

Five, let us light the night

Six, even when there are wheels within wheels, go ahead

Get it pulverized

serval: what

hepatitis: since when did this turn into a court case?

himeko ☕️ : omg i studied law for this moment exactly

Welt Yang: You didn’t study law, you played Ace Attorney for 24 hours straight.

himeko ☕️ : I MEAN

Welt Yang: It doesn’t count.

himeko ☕️ : i call the witness to the stand

serval: wait are you the defense or the prosecutor

himeko ☕️ : both

serval: THATS NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE

pela: hi yes i am the witness

pela: it was remy

✨ remy ✨ : HUH???? I DONT STEAL SOCKS ARE YOU

FUCKING INSANE

hepatitis: it wasn’t him

pela: prove it

hepatitis: he’s right here?

pela: but like

pela: he couldve stolen it before he came here

hepatitis: not possible

hepatitis: march sent that message at 2:46PM today

hepatitis: @ ✨ remy ✨ has been here since 1:30PM

pela: “YOU ENTERED MY ROOM WHILE I WAS GONE AND WHEN I CAME BACK ALL
OF MY SOCKS WERE FUCKING GONE”

pela: implies that the thief stole marchs socks before she came back into her room

pela: which is likely to be before 2:46PM

✨ remy ✨ : you keep doing your mental gymnastics

pela: i am a fucking INTELLIGENCE OFFICER

pela: THIS IS MY FUCKING JOB

serval: @hepatitis the fuck is your bf doing w you

hepatitis: interrogation

hepatitis: also, he isn’t

serval: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TEXTING DURING AN INTERROGATION

bronya rand : OBJECTION!

bronya rand : i never asked you to perform an interrogation

hepatitis: serval was bugging me to buy iced milk for her, so i did

hepatitis: the reason why @ ✨ remy ✨ is with me is

because he nagged me for 15 minutes straight
serval: oh thanks

serval: venmo me the milk btw

hepatitis: how?

serval: idk figure it out yourself

hepatitis: ???

Dan Heng: it was stelle who stole marchs stuff

prepare for trouble: WAS NOT

Dan Heng: i have video evidence

prepare for trouble: eats your video evidence

himeko ☕️ : whos the judge here tho LMAO

Welt Yang: I shall assume the role of judge.

Welt Yang: Order in the court.

serval: cheeseburger please

Welt Yang: No.

Welt Yang: That’s not what this means.

serval: thats it im the judge now

Welt Yang: You can’t do that, I’m the judge.

serval: well i am now

hepatitis: i hate it here

serval: anyway court is dismissed does anyone want burger

march 7th: BUT STELLE

serval: does she want a burger

prepare for trouble: yes

march 7th: I AM GOING TO SCREAM

[ 4stral express ]

stelle: THEY NEVER ARRESTED ME AND I GET A BURGER OUT OF IT @march 7th
@caelus @google

march 7th: THATS NOT FAIR

google: don’t @ me
caelus: you will share it w me

stelle: no i wont

caelus: that wasnt a question

caelus: that was an order

caelus: now gimme the fucking burger

google: i’ll get you one, now stop bugging stelle

caelus: yes bbg

stelle: In computing, a private message, personal message, or direct message refers to a private
communication sent or received by a user of a private communication channel on any given
platform. Unlike public posts, PMs are only viewable by the participants.

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: the fuck happened here

hepatitis: i need more coffee

✨ remy ✨ : MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: damn you have a house

✨ remy ✨ : do you ??
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YES??, ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE

hepatitis: WHY ARE YOU TEXTING WHILE YOUR HOUSE IS LITERALLY IN FLAMES.

serval: court is in session again

pela: WHY

bronya rand : what in the name of qlipoth

✨ remy ✨ : it was seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: INCORRECT

himeko ☕️ : *OBJECTION

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: it was hook

HOOK ☄️ : WHY WOULD YOU RAT ME OUT LIKE THAT

HOOK ☄️ : I MEAN

HOOK ☄️ : IT WASNT ME

natasha: HOOK.

Welt Yang: We shall continue this case tomorrow.

✨ remy ✨ : MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE THE FUCK DO

YOU MEAN TOMRORW
 hepatitis: just get a new house?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: “just get a new house” fucking hate rich people

march 7th: @and make it double! say something random bc its funny

and make it double!: no fuck you

Dan Heng: caelus

and make it double!: yes bbg

prepare for trouble: KYS

Dan Heng: caelus, do your thing

and make it double!: ok fine

and make it double!: TOOTHPASTe

Chapter End Notes

i actually never played ace attorney but i religiously watch objection.lol videos sorry to
disappoint
 serval: belobogs greatest judge!
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

belobog but court but part 2

Chapter Notes

i should make a spinoff oneshot around serval being a judge ngl

serval: COURT IS NOW INS EESISON

pela: the defense is ready

✨ remy ✨ : MY HOUSE HAS BURNT DOWN

OVERNIGHT WHAT THE FUCK

serval: ORDER IN THE COURT

himeko ☕️ : the prosecution is ready

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: it was probably hook

serval: court is dismissed

himeko ☕️ : WHAT

✨ remy ✨ : CALL THE FUCKING FIRE BRIGADE FOR

ME??? HELLO????,,
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU CALL THE FIRE BRIGAD THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITN ME

serval: idk get march to freeze the fire

prepare for trouble: to frEEZE THE FIRE HELP WHAT

✨ remy ✨ : MY HOUSE IS FUCKING GONE

serval: you arent allowed to crash at my house glhf

✨ remy ✨ : fine ill go pester your brother then

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @hepatitis BARRICADE YOUR FUCKING DOORS AND

WINDOWS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ALL OF THEM

hepatitis: …

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: dont fucking tell me you let him in your fucking house

natasha: sorry for your loss @hepatitis

natasha: i hope your house doesn’t burn down

hepatitis: wait

hepatitis: it wasn’t hook who burnt the house down?

natasha: it wasn’t

HOOK ☄️ : SEE??,,???? @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH @ITS

PRONOUNCED ZEELAH @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @ me again and i wont send any more candy to the moles

pela: im gonna put vitamins in the fucking candy aisle just watch me

serval: im gonna put bleach in the juice aisle

natasha: i’m gonna put you all in an adoption center

hepatitis: we’re all grown adults

natasha: too late, get in the car

hepatitis: @Welt Yang hello, may i become a member of the nameless?

Welt Yang: It is 25 in the afternoon right now, March. What do you want.

Welt Yang: Sorry, wrong number. Please send an email for any inquiries.

march 7th: jesus christ mr yang just say 1am

hepatitis: wait, since when was it 1AM?

march 7th: i fucking hate court

serval: fuck you

serval: court is now in session

hepatitis: for what??

serval: idk

serval: @ ✨ remy ✨ go do a crime or smth

✨ remy ✨ : no

pela: app btotom jeane (jeans)

and make it double!: btots with the jenas ((wirh rhe jean)

and make it double!: she got th ewhe lole club lokin at jens

prepare for trouble: my immortal

pela: WHEEZING

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @serval bitch wtf is the court case about i will choke you to death

serval: @bronya rand come get your dog

bronya rand :…

bronya rand : please don’t talk about seele like that

pela: we should start a podcast ngl

serval: no

hepatitis: no

prepare for trouble: caelus would just scream into the mic like an 8 year old so no

and make it double!: FUCK YOU KYS DIE

prepare for trouble: @serval

serval: case in point

hepatitis: @ ✨ remy ✨ failed to cook rice five times so i’m

kicking him out of my house

✨ remy ✨ : YOU CANT DO THAT MY HOUSE IS STILL

GONE

hepatitis: good luck

serval: imagine not being able to cook rice

hepatitis: december 15th, 5 years ago

serval: DONT YOU FUCKING BRING IT UP

✨ remy ✨ : PLEASE BRING IT UP

march 7th: im curious

hepatitis: do you want me to elaborate?

serval: NO

march 7th: YES

pela: serval has me at gunpoint

pela: so no

hepatitis: …?

hepatitis: i will elaborate later

serval: if you do im gonna murder you on sight

hepatitis: you can’t, it’s against the law

serval: fuck off

 text format
Chapter Notes

CREDITS TO toffeephi TO THE CHAPTER IDEA OK BYE

omg that’s me!! -t

See the end of the chapter for more notes

pela: yo
hepatitis: hello
pela: oh shit
hepatitis: ???
pela: @natasha @ ✨ remy ✨
pela: HELP
pela: THIS IS URGENT
natasha: it’s 2AM
natasha: oh
natasha: i think i see what you mean
✨ remy ✨ : holy shit
✨ remy ✨ : oh my fucking god
✨ remy ✨ : the foRMAT
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: are you people insane what the fuck is going on
pela: THE TEXT FORMAT
pela: ITS UGLY AGAIN
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what text format
pela: jesus christ
hepatitis: oh
hepatitis: so the “oh shit” wasn’t about me?
pela: it was 50% about you
pela: 50% about this UGLY ASS TEXT FORMAT
hepatitis: what text format? nothing’s different as far as i’m aware
pela: OH MY FUCKING GOD
pela: WALL BREAKERS GC. NOW @natasha @ ✨ remy
✨

[ wall breakers ]

pela: NOBODY ELSE KNOWS?? I THOUGHT THEY WOULDVE KNWOWN

sampo: IKR WHAT THE FUCK
pela: OH MY FUCKING GOD THE FORMAT IS THE SAME IN THIS GC
sampo: IM GONNA KMS
pela: SAME
pela: wait why am i agreeing w you ew
natasha: you aren’t going to kill yourself when i’m around
pela: yes ma’am
sampo: yes ma’am
pela: is nat offline yet
sampo: idk probably
pela: ok
pela: kys
sampo: RUDE
natasha: no, i’m not offline
pela: oh fuck

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

serval: mornjng
hepatitis: it’s 2:30AM
serval: still morning
Dan Heng: good morning, prepared landau
hepatitis: i thought we were over this
Dan Heng: nope
prepare for trouble: why are compliment and complement two different words
hepatitis: they are?
pela: YES??? YOU STUPID ASS BITHC
natasha: why are you people up at half past 2?
pela: im panicking over the FUCKING TEXT FORMAT
natasha: i already told you to calm down
pela: yea well that doesnt relaly help mcuh??,
natasha: well that’s a crying shame
pela: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPSOED TO MEAN????
hepatitis: i think i can talk about the rice cooker incident from 5 years ago
serval: NO THE FUCK YOU CANNOT
hepatitis: …
hepatitis: very well
hepatitis: @ ✨ remy ✨ did you just call me because “the
text format looked ugly”.
hepatitis: you are very lucky i have a slight bias towards you
hepatitis: else, i would’ve murdered you without a second thought
✨ remy ✨ : ooookay then
✨ remy ✨ : love you too ig
bronya rand : unfortunately, i don’t
bronya rand : you are charged for making a false silvermane guard call
✨ remy ✨ : OKAY NOW YOURE JUST PULLING
CHARGES OUT OF YOUR ASS
✨ remy ✨ : THERES NO WAY THATS A CRIME
bronya rand : it is
✨ remy ✨ : OKAY SO HOW MANY CHARGEs DOES
SEELE HAVE
bronya rand : none
bronya rand : because she calls me using my personal phone number
bronya rand : you nonce
✨ remy ✨ : WELL THATS VERY FUCKING RUDE OF
YOU
natasha: calm down, both of you
serval: GO BRONYA
natasha: don’t encourage her
pela: tHE TEXT FORMTA
pela: IT STILL AHSNT BEEN FIXED
 natasha: get over yourself
natasha: it’s 3 in the morning, for goodness’ sake
natasha: it’ll probably be fixed sooner or later
and make it double!: what the FUCK ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT
hepatitis: beats me
and make it double!: I NEEVR FUCKINT ASKED YOU TO TALK
hepatitis: i honestly assumed you’d say that
serval: oh shut the fuck up caecae its past your bedtime
and make it double!: FUCK YOU JIEJIE
serval: I HOPE SOMEONE DOES
and make it double!: what..
serval: I TYPED THAT???
serval: SHIT
serval: FUCK
Welt Yang: Go to sleep. PLEASE.

[ wall breakers ]

pela: somethings off

Chapter End Notes

did something happen to this chapter? maybe. who knows??

 mini neutron bomb
Chapter by kora_1

Dan Heng: caelus is annoying me

Dan Heng: again

Dan Heng: i wonder if it’s possible to ask madam herta for a refund?

and make it double!: lmao no youre stuck w me

Dan Heng: worth a try, at least

and make it double!: HEY

prepare for trouble: GOOD RIDDANCE

serval: NO THATS MY BROTHER

and make it double!: JIEJIE SAVE ME

hepatitis: i thought i was your brother

serval: no tf who are you

hepatitis: rude

serval: ohh right yea how could i forget

serval: hi rude

Dan Heng: round of applause for the dad joke

serval: no

hepatitis: fuck

serval: PULL THE FIRE ALARMS MY BABY BROTHER JSIT SOWRE

hepatitis: works every time

serval: oh fuck you

pela: L

✨ remy ✨ : i crave gaycannoli

✨ remy ✨ : *GUACAMOLE

serval: GAYCANNOLI

pela: happy pride

natasha: it’s july

prepare for trouble: YOU FUCKING RAT WHY DID YOU GIVE ME A FAKE BOMB I
NEARLY HAD A FUCKINGG HEART ATTACK BECAUSE OF YOU
natasha: wrong group chat

prepare for trouble: youre right

prepare for trouble: sorry

hepatitis: who gave you a fake bomb?

prepare for trouble: who do you think gave me a fucking BOMB

✨ remy ✨ : IT WASNT A BOMB

hepatitis: how do you know that?

✨ remy ✨ :.

pela: busted

✨ remy ✨ : FUCK

himeko ☕️ : @prepare for trouble

himeko ☕️ : you had a bomb and you never told me??? i couldve defused it

prepare for trouble: yea no the thing is it wasnt a real bomb

prepare for trouble: it was some sorta prank box

prepare for trouble: that the slimy sewer rat disappointment sampo gave me
✨ remy ✨ : damn

serval: deserved

hepatitis: deserved

✨ remy ✨ : im going to break your legs

serval: try

hepatitis: try

serval: JINX

hepatitis: that only works on speaking, not texting

serval: GO FUCK YOURSELF

hepatitis: no thank you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: tkae the argument to dms PLEASEE I AM BEGGING YOU
TWO MY HAUR IS TURNING GAY BECAUDE OF YOU

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: *HRAY

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: *GeY

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: *GAYS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: *GRAT

serval: take your time

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: the only rhing ill be taking is yoyr life stfu you crusty bagel of a
perosn

bronya rand : first of all, that was certainly an insult i’ve never heard of

bronya rand : second of all, are you okay? why are you making so many
spelling mistakes?

✨ remy ✨ : shes angry

bronya rand : isn’t she always?

✨ remy ✨ : yes

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: youre next rmemy

pela: when you take a painfkiller too strong for your pain do you jsut end up with emptianess insid
eyou becyas eluke thebesete no more pain to kill so like

pela: what sis it suposed to kill after that???

Dan Heng: it kills itself

serval: what the fuck

natasha: no it doesn’t
pela: what if tlyouu

pela: you order piza without the brea

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you get your ass beat by me

pela: damn i didnt know you worked at ea pzia place

serval: ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH

pela: you said i wa s short

pela: the fukc do you think

prepare for trouble: GUYS DO YOU THINK I SHOULD ADD EVERY SINGLE PErson I.
HAVE EVRR MET IN THIS GC??!!!! say yes

natasha: no

and make it double!: GO FUCK YOURSELF STELLE

prepare for trouble: that wasnt a no

natasha: i will kick you from this group chat if you do

prepare for trouble: you cant

prepare for trouble: i made this gc

prepare for trouble: i am a god amongst men

serval: @march 7th come get your dog

march 7th: no you can have her

prepare for trouble: WHAT

hepatitis: i haven’t drank water in 5 hours

pela: fucking amateur

pela: try 10

natasha: you both are going to die

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what kind of drugs are you guys on wtf

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i want some

hepatitis: …

bronya rand :…

pela: …

Welt Yang: …
natasha: …

Dan Heng: am i supposed to also add ellipses?

himeko ☕️ : good job seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im still out to get you

himeko ☕️ : lol too bad i just adopted you

himeko ☕️ : ill send you the paper for you to sign via mail

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what the fuck

 me when driving?? idk
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

himeko drives seele somewhere

Chapter Notes

hello i will be touching grass (big surprise, i know) until saturday so have this before i
leave

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: god himekos music taste sucks

himeko ☕️ : EXCUSE ME???? BEACH BUNNY SLAPS

serval: himekos right

✨ remy ✨ : SEELE WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IN HIMEKOS CAR

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SHE HAD FRUIT SNACKS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: THEY WERE REALLY GOOD

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I ATE THEM ALL

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE THO

✨ remy ✨ : IS THIS AN ABDUCTION???? @hepatitis

hepatitis: i need more context

himeko ☕️ : i adopted her

hepatitis: okay

bronya rand : SEELE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BRONYA

✨ remy ✨ : SAMPO

prepare for trouble: GO FUCK YOURSELF HEAD & SHOULDERS

serval: HEAD & SHOUDLERS IM FUCKGING DYING

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: idk where himekos driving me anymore

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nvm she stopped at a convenience store to buy more fruit snacks

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thanks himeko

himeko ☕️ : thats “mom” to you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im blocking you

Welt Yang: @himeko ☕️ Since when was Seele your daughter?

himeko ☕️ : since yesterday

hepatitis: what.

serval: clara hasnt been online in months

serval: where tf is she

clara and mr. svarog!: hello everyone! ^_^ sorry for being offline for so long, i forgot i had a phone
(´▽`)

serval: HI CLARA!!!!!! :D

pela: how does one forget they have a phone

hepatitis: maybe they have a life

pela: THATS VERY RICH OF YOU TO SAY CONSIDERING YOYRE ONLINE FUCKING
24/7

hepatitis: AM NOT

pela: dough is not white

hepatitis: i am so close to cussing you out

pela: do you think thats a threat or smth???? puppies are literally scarier than you

serval: a puppy mauled me when i was 5

serval: speak for yourself

✨ remy ✨ : youll think otherwise when you get beaten up

by him on the daily @pela

hepatitis: maybe i wouldn’t have to beat you up on the daily if you would stop committing crimes

serval: criminals anonymous

hepatitis: it’s not anonymous

hepatitis: i know exactly which one of you guys are criminals

pela: YOU ARE A CRIMINAL

hepatitis: i’m above the law

pela: murderer

hepatitis: am not

and make it double!: do dragons shed

serval: do snakes warehouse

pela: do reptiles barn

himeko ☕️ : doth agamas outbuilding

and make it double!: i fucking hate you all

and make it double!: i was just asking a question

Dan Heng: the vidyadhara do shed, however, it’s more like metamorphosis. take caterpillars for
example, they create a cocoon and metamorphose into a butterfly

and make it double!: i aint reading all that

and make it double!: im happy for you tho

and make it double!: or sorry that happened

Dan Heng: go fuck yourself

and make it double!: fuck me yourself you coward

Dan Heng: what

and make it double!: what

march 7th: the power of akivili compels you the power of akivili compels you the power of akivili
compels you the power of akivili compels you

and make it double!: no it does not

march 7th: it should

Welt Yang: What.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: guys where is himeko driving me

hepatitis: my guess is as good as yours

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: just dont say anyrhing then????? none of you are helping

himeko ☕️ : i’m driving you to the express

himeko ☕️ : you better shut up about my music taste or ill turn this car around right now

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yeah turn it around i fucking dare you

hepatitis: what’s with you and natasha driving cars in space?

himeko ☕️ : its fun being the driver

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ITS A LOT LESS FUN BEING THE PASSENGER

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I RAN OUT OF FRUIT SNACKS

bronya rand : one moment

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: DID BRONYA JUSt sHIP ME A PACKAGE OF FRUIT

SNACKS FROM BELOBOG

bronya rand : good luck in himeko’s car

natasha: good afternoon everyone! on my morning commute, i saw someone trip on a rock and
break all four of their limbs

natasha: i am going to quit medicine

hepatitis: what

natasha: i don’t know how that happened either

✨ remy ✨ : lemme help you out

✨ remy ✨ : they tripped on a rock

natasha: i will inject hot cooking oil into your bloodstream, sampo. do not test me

✨ remy ✨ : WHY ARE YOU SO HOSTILE ALL OF A

SUDDEN

natasha: over 21 years of medical practice

natasha: maybe i forgot my morning coffee too

natasha: i’ll get some coffee, bye

 TRES
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

I LIVE!!!! hi im back from touching grass it was fun :D

See the end of the chapter for more notes

serval: god i fucking hate cooking

serval: i told lynx that i would be cooking

serval: but the only thing i can cook is toast

hepatitis: just tell lynx you can’t cook, i don’t see the problem here

serval: SHES ALREADY KN HER WAY

hepatitis: well HURRY UP THEN

serval: IM GONNA CRY

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I LIVE

✨ remy ✨ : dammit

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHTA THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN “DAMMIT”

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ILL KILL YOU

himeko ☕️ : no killing people in this household

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sampo is not a people

himeko ☕️ : point taken

✨ remy ✨ : HIMEKO

pela: WHEEZJNG

natasha: stop wheezing

pela: how

natasha: drink warm fluids

pela: gasoline

natasha: no

pela: GASOLINE

natasha: why do you all act like children

pela: GASOLINE!!!!!

serval: LYNX IS GONNA BE HERE IN 5 MINUTES HELP

hepatitis: CANCEL IT
serval: IM SOBBING

hepatitis: CANCEL IT

serval: BUT I CANT JUST DO THAT

hepatitis: CANCEL IT

serval: IM GONNA BURN DOWN THE HOUSE TRying TO COOK

hepatitis: wait

hepatitis: you’re at my house

serval: WAIT NO

serval: DONT KCICK ME OUTHRBSBBD7182& ☹️

✨ remy ✨ : deserved

hepatitis: you’re next

✨ remy ✨ : i never go to your house anyway you cant kick

me out

serval: I THINK I BROKE MY LEG

serval: HANG ON IM GONNA WALK TO THE CLINCI

natasha: if you can walk, your leg isn’t broken

serval: I THINK IM GONNA DIE

serval: WHEN I DIE IM CHARGING YOU WITH ASSAULT

hepatitis: i’m charging you with threat of arson

serval: shut the fuck up thats not a crime

hepatitis: read the law

serval: no

hepatitis: i hate all of you

serval: jeez

[ MOVIE NIGHT!!!! ]

pela: im bored time to organize a movie night

hepatitis: it’s 4PM

pela: fuck you

pela: none of you are invited anyway

pela: im just gonna watch a movie

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: theN WHY DID YOU TELL US

pela: why not

pela: im gonna watch howls moving castle

✨ remy ✨ : *we

pela: fuck off

pela: im not letting your cooties inside my house

✨ remy ✨ : I DO NOT HAVE COOTIES

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: shut the fuck up yes you do

pela: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP IM WATCHING THE MOVIE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: TURN OFF YOUR GODDAMN NOTIFICATIONS THEN

bronya rand : what

pela: hi bronbron

bronya rand : good afternoon, pela

hepatitis: i can hear vocaloid music from pela’s house

hepatitis: i’m trying to sleep

pela: deal w it lmao

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wow i cant believe youre actually trying to sleep

hepatitis: ???

hepatitis: is that an insult?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yes

✨ remy ✨ : guys i just bought an uno deck on a whim does

anyone wanna play

pela: did you not have one before???? doesnt everyone have one atp

✨ remy ✨ : no??????? what the hell

pela: L

bronya rand : what’s uno?

pela: OH MY FUCKING GOD

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: LMFAO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IMAGINE NOT KNWOING WHAT UNO IS

 hepatitis: i need ibuprofen

✨ remy ✨ : CAN YALL SHUT THE FUCK UP AND

TELL ME IF YOU WANNA PLAY UNO OR NOT

pela: no

Chapter End Notes

sorry for the dry chapter, i wanted to get this out asap + i have no idea what to write
 DOS
Chapter by kora_1

hepatitis: @ ✨ remy ✨ bought an uno deck, does anyone

want to play?

prepare for trouble: no he has cooties

✨ remy ✨ : I DO NOT

prepare for trouble: YOU DO

✨ remy ✨ : DO NOT

pela: watch me fucking obliterate you all in uno

serval: try

pela: i dont need to

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: can yall fucking stop talking j wanna play uno

serval: no

natasha: it’s 5AM

hepatitis: we know

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nat what the fuck are you doing at 5am
natasha: going to work

✨ remy ✨ : ok ill let you guys play uno if you can solve my
riddles three

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: shut the fuck up before i turn you into tea

✨ remy ✨ :.

✨ remy ✨ : so anwyay

✨ remy ✨ : riddle 1

✨ remy ✨ : name a country starting with w

natasha: that’s not a riddle

serval: WEST VIRGINIA

hepatitis: wales

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: united states of america

and make it double!: tHAT STARTS WITH A MOTHERFUCKING U

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SINCE WHEN WERE YOU HERE

prepare for trouble: wunited stwates of amwericwa

and make it double!: im gonna peel you with a fuckinf potato peeler

prepare for trouble: LMAO

hepatitis: okay

and make it double!: nvm stelle youre spared for now i gotta peel this guy first

hepatitis: what

serval: gl

hepatitis: what.

serval: you kicked me out of your house i think you deserve to get peeled

hepatitis: WHAT.

and make it double!: exactly

natasha: face the peeler, potato boy

hepatitis: i think i’m in a fever dream

✨ remy ✨ : SO DO YOU FUCKERS WANT TO PLAY

UNO OR NOT

serval: BITCH YOU TOLD US THAT WE HAD TO SOLVE YOUR STUPID RIDDLES
hepatitis: where are we playing

✨ remy ✨ : uh idk ig we can use seeles house

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: go fuck yourself

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nvm sure you can come

✨ remy ✨ : wait what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nvm go fuck yourself again

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: himeko just gave me the green light to insult you

himeko ☕️ : thats my girl :)

pela: ARE WE PLAYING UNO. OR NOt I AM GOING TO. KILL MYSEL

serval: kid named mysel

pela changed serval’s name to mysel

mysel: WHAT

pela: thats what you get

mysel: @prepare for trouble

prepare for trouble: IT IS 3 IN THE FUCKING MORNING

mysel: NO ITS NOT???? ITS 5AM

himeko ☕️ : timezones

natasha: @mysel okay, fine

natasha changed mysel’s name to serval

serval: honestly i was kinda getting attached to mysel

natasha: i woke up at 2:54AM for this. i’m going to inject mouthwash into your bloodstream, never
talk to me again

serval: OK OK IM SORRY NATASHA ALMIGHTY

natasha: sorry, i just dropped my phone and it typed that

HOOK ☄️ : HELLO EVERYONE SORRY I FELL OFF A CLIFF AND IT

TOOK ME 5 HOURS TO GET BACK UP I WANNA PLAY UNO @ ✨ remy
✨

natasha: hook, it’s 3AM

pela: so guys have you heard of the bracelet that converts stress into energy

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: GO TO SLEEP

serval: WHEN ARE WE PLAYING UNO

hepatitis: just play uno later, you idiots

hepatitis: i’ve been trying to sleep for 30 minutes

himeko ☕️ : so when did you go to bed

hepatitis: 2:30AM, why do you ask?

himeko ☕️ : lol same

and make it double!: MUTE YOUR FUCJING NOTIFS @hepatitis

✨ remy ✨ : WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE

WHERE ITS 5AM FOR SERVAL

✨ remy ✨ : 3AM FOR EVERYONE ELSE

✨ remy ✨ : 6AM FOR SEELE

✨ remy✨ : AND BOTH 3 AND 6AM FOR NATASHA

serval: time travel

✨ remy ✨ : FUCK YOU ALL

hepatitis: go to sleep

Dan Heng: who tagged me?

hepatitis: nobody

Dan Heng: okay

Dan Heng: i’m going to eat lunch now, it’s nearing 1pm

✨ remy✨ : I AM GOING TO FUCKING SCREAM

 UNO! (part 1)
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

like half the gc? plays uno

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

hepatitis: we’re settling this once and for all, because i’m getting tired

hepatitis: @ me if you want to play uno

serval: @hepatitis

hepatitis: why did you @ me?

serval: fuck you

✨ remy ✨ : i’m supposed to be the one that organizes the

game????

hepatitis: you’re bad at organizing

✨ remy ✨ : i want a divorce

hepatitis: ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: how do you expect anyone to @ you when you send the invitation
text at the asscrack of dawn
hepatitis: your point is?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fuck you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: anyway @hepatitis

hepatitis: i figured

bronya rand : @hepatitis

hepatitis: why are people @-ing me?

✨ remy ✨ : fuck this im taking the wheel

hepatitis: what wheel?

✨ remy ✨ : im hosting uno 3pm today at my place

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no wtf your place sucks ass

✨ remy ✨ : at servals place

serval: WHAT

serval: NO

serval: the workshop

hepatitis: don’t you work there?

serval: technically

serval: it doesnt really matter to people that arent as boring as you tho

hepatitis: moving on,

HOOK ☄️ : HELLO EVEYROEN I THOUGHT FISTING SOMEONE

MEANT PUNCHING SOMEONE

hepatitis: wait, it doesn’t?

hepatitis: let me look it up, i’ll be right back

pela: i knew since i was 12

prepare for trouble: same

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: stelle jumpscare

serval: @pela figures

pela: WDYM FIGURES

hepatitis: …

hepatitis: @ ✨ remy ✨ wait, so that wasn’t a threat??

✨ remy ✨ : OKAYSOWHOWANTSTOPLAYUNO
clara and mr. svarog!: me! ( ´ ▽ ` )

✨ remy ✨ : OKAYWHOELSE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: USE YOUR FUCKING SPACE BAR

✨ remy ✨ : WHATSPACEBAR

and make it double!: i wanna play uno but i fucking hate gepard

serval: get over it you pretentious asshole

and make it double!: SERVAL JIEJIE WHAT THE FUCK

serval: IM RIGHT

and make it double!: FUCK YOU

and make it double!: @hepatitis

serval: its already 2:30PM

serval: gimme a sec

[ uno ]

serval created group “uno”

serval added gepard, ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH, ✨ sampo koski
✨ , bronya rand , PITCH DARK HOOK THE
GREAT!!!!!!!!, clara and mr. svarog!, caelus, pela

serval: why the hell is your username so long @PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!!

serval changed PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT!!!!!!!!’s name to PDHTG

PDHTG: this username is so lame

serval: stfu it was the best one i could think of

and make it double!: cant believe youre having beef with a child rn LMFAO

serval: DIE

✨ sampo koski ✨ : I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE

GC

serval: shut the FUCK UP SAMPLE KIOSK

serval changed ✨ sampo koski ✨ ’s name to sample kiosk

sample kiosk: WHAT DID I DO?????

serval: do you really want me to tell you

sample kiosk: not really

serval: exactly
gepard: i’m on my way to the workshop

serval: eta

gepard: 3:10PM

serval: that works

serval: @sample kiosk ok get your ass over here

gepard: i was supposed to organize this, though?

sample kiosk: NO I WAS

gepard: i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again, you’re bad at organizing

serval: @caelus you too

serval: come to the workshop

serval: like half the people are here

caelus: jfc

serval: oh and go ask dan heng if he wants to play

caelus: no wtf do it yourself

serval: caelus

caelus: he says he doesnt want to

serval: figures

serval: that guys boring as hell

caelus: OH SO YOU WANNA FIGHT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: are there even enough cards for everyone here????

sample kiosk: there are infinite cards in uno we’ll be fine (real)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fuck off

serval: ROLL CALL

gepard: roll calls don’t work over text

serval: SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I CHANGE YOUR NAME TO MILKN’T AGAIN

gepard: what

serval: SEELE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: uou already know im not there yet

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: the cable car is pretty slow

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: speaking of

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: how the FUCK does sampo even get from the underworld to the
overworld and vice versa so quickly

sample kiosk: lmao

serval: what

PDHTG: HI IM COMIGN WITH SEELE)2&9 i

PDHTG: I DROPPED MY PHONE SRYY

PDHTG: THRE CBALE CAR IS VERY SHAKY

serval: wait so how the fuck is seele typing perfectly

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i have good fingers

bronya rand : i would know

serval: what

serval: what does that mean

bronya rand :

serval: BRONYA WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

sample kiosk: this gc stop making sex jokes challenge (impossible)

caelus: youre one to talk

serval: YOURE one to talk

caelus: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT???

serval: YOUR FUCKING CHAT HISTORY ALONE COULD KILL ALISA RAND

gepard: DON’T JOKE ABOUT THAT

serval: LETS PLAY UNO ALREADY

pela: im here

serval: no you arent

pela: FUCKIGN LOOK DOWN

caelus: LMAOO

serval: imagine being short couldnt be me

pela: BLOCKED

serval: so anyway everyones here right

caelus: guess

serval: im guessing that everyones here bc i wanna start now

serval: ok so uh 8 cards per person

bronya rand : wasn’t it 7?

serval: hold on i thought you didnt know what uno was

bronya rand : not anymore, i suppose

serval: well shit youre actually right its 7

gepard: why didn’t you act like this when we were arguing about dough?

serval: BECAUSE I WAS RIGHT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: holy fucking shit

clara and mr. svarog!: so, do i go first? ( ｀・ ω ・ ´)

serval: i guess

serval: its kinda free game ig

pela: WRONG

pela: the first player is the person to the right of the dealer
pela: so thats me

serval: fine

gepard: why are we playing uno over text?

serval: idk

sample kiosk: so the readers have an idea of whats going on

pela: say one more thing about the readers and im going to brick your phone

sample kiosk: and how are you going to do that

pela: by throwing a brick at your phone

sample kiosk: why do i even bother

serval: @caelus LMAO IMAGINE FORGETTING TO SAY UNO

caelus: DONT RUB IT IN

serval: L

sample kiosk: @pela WHY DID YOU HAVE TO +4 ME

pela: REVENGE
 sample kiosk: REVENGE FOR WHAT

pela: REVENGE

sample kiosk: HOW DID SEELE +4 ME TOO???? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE HELP ME

bronya rand : not sure

bronya rand : but seele doesn’t care much

sample kiosk: yeah gee thanks i KNOW

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: HAVE YOU SHITHEADS NOT REALIZED THAT HOOKS
BEEN GONE THE ENTIRE TIME

pela: SHUT THE FUCK UP I WAS JUST ABOUT TO WIN NOW WE HAVE TO GO LOOK
FOR A MISSING CHILD

gepard: what

Chapter End Notes

whew, heres a longer chapter to make up for my 3-ish day absence :)

 UNO! (part 2)
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

quick heads-up before the chapter, this chapter has mention of, well, skinning, BUT
ITS NOT IN DETAIL

[ uno ]

caelus: I DONT WANNA HAVE TO TELL NAT WE LOST HOOK

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: we can just get sampo to do it no bid geal

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: *no big deal

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: holy shit

sample kiosk: DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE A DEATH WISH

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: idgaf if you have one or not

sample kiosk: piss off

caelus: crispy roll

serval: what the hell

[ ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH, natasha ]

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nat

natasha: yes?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sampo lost hook

natasha: i see

natasha: i’ll deal with him later

[ uno ]

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: [seele_nat_dms.jpg]

sample kiosk: SEELE IM ACTUALLY GOING TO DIE

gepard: okay

caelus: do you think i could shove a black hole up my ass

gepard: pardon?

caelus: EWWW GEPARD DNI

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: youre almost obsessed w that guy LMFAOO

caelus: what,,,, no wtf have dandan to obsess over

serval: also @caelus you can go ask mr yang since he creates black holes for a living or smth
serval: and sells em to people

serval: probably

caelus: ARE YOU ON DRUGS

serval: YOURE THE ONE WHO ASKED IF YOU COULD SHOVE A BLACK HOLE UP YOUR
ASS

serval: AND YOU ASK IF IM ON DRUGS

caelus: ITS A VALID QUESTION

serval: NO THE FUCK IT ISNT

pela: pick up ANY FUCKING ASTRONOMY BOOK

caelus: what are books i only use ao3 for my daily literature fix

pela: holy shit you are insufferable

gepard: wasn’t this group chat for uno and uno only?

serval: idk man go ask the creator of the gc

gepard: …but you’re the creator

serval: exactly
caelus: FOUR OF A KIND

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: the fuck do you mean four of a kind

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: we’re playing uno

sample kiosk: ROYAL FLUSH

serval: I SUMMON POT OF GREED TO DRAW 3 ADDITIONAL CARDS TO MY DECK

clara and mr. svarog!: go fish! (^○^)

bronya rand : checkmate

PDHTG: CHARIZARD USE ROYAL BLAZE

serval: wait wth does hook still have her phone w her???

PDHTG: DUH OF COURSE I DO

serval: SO WHERE ARE YOU???

PDHTG: uhhhh

PDHTG: idk

PDHTG: somehwere in the overworld

serval: yeah thanks a lot

serval: really narrows it down

gepard: just heard from seele that sampo got beat up. again

bronya rand : you’re not going to do anything about it?

gepard: he’ll be fine. besides, i have an uno game to win

pela: DID YOU JUST +2 ME

gepard: yes

pela: I HAVE A +4 SO NOW ITS CAELUS THAT GETS +6

caelus: @gepard KILL YOURSELF

gepard: blame it on pela

caelus: I HAD 1 CARD TOO

pela: wait what

caelus: wait

caelus: shit

caelus: UNO
pela: LMAO YOU HAVE TO DRAW 2 MORE CARDS NOW

caelus: I AM GOING TO JUMP OFF A BUILDING

serval: L

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wait can you guys pause the uno game for a bit

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i need to go find hook

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nat told me to

bronya rand : will you be alright?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what do you think

bronya rand : good point

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ok bye

pela: bye

serval: lets add all the cards on the draw pile to her deck

caelus: LMAO GOOD IDEA

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IM STILL HERE YOU FUCKERS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IF ANY OF YOU MESS WITH MY FUCKING DECK ILL
SKIN ALL OF YOU ALIVE

serval: lmao as if bronya would let you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: youll be last

serval: isnt it supposed to be first

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: so you have to watch

pela: OKAY THATS ENOUGH BEFORE THE AUTHOR HAS TO ADD AN ARCHIVE
WARNING

sample kiosk: hey wait i thought i wasnt allowed to talk about the

pela: I NEVER SAID WE WERENT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT THE AUTHOR NOW
SHUT UP

sample kiosk: how the fuck are you able to cut off peoples texts

pela: try it out yourself

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @sample kiosk

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: so how was the

sample kiosk: dont

sample kiosk: wait

sample kiosk: @pela I LEARNED HOW TO DO IT

pela: ok congrats now never talk to me again

gepard: you’re back

sample kiosk: i need a wheelchair

gepard:

caelus: the word wheelchair is so weird like its literally a wheelchair

bronya rand : bathroom, doorknob, fieldwork, sinkhole, basketball,

dishwasher, etc.

caelus: HOLY SHIT

serval: jesus christ youre stupid

caelus: YOU CANT BLAME ME I AM 2 MONTHS OLD

serval: a 2 month old that can speak fluent english

serval: is taller than me

serval: and swears every other sentence

bronya rand : imagine how weird reading fanfiction of yourself must feel
pela: when im bored i sometimes read fanfics about myself

pela: and everyone else in this gc

pela: they make good fanfiction of you and seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: KILL YOURSELF

pela: speak of the devil

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yeah im back i got hook too

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: HI THSI IS PITCH DARK HOOK THE GREAT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I SAW SEELE AND BRONYA KISS BEFORE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thats it im never letting children borrow my phone again

gepard: we all have, hook

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hey what the FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

serval: anyway lets resume the uno game

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: someone made it so that i have 1 card left

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ily bronya <3

bronya rand : i love you too, but that wasn’t me

bronya rand : it was clara

clara and mr. svarog!: you seemed angry, so i wanted to help you win! ( ´ ▽ ` )

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: oh

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: well i was lying i fucking hate you bronya

pela: i know what you are

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SHUT THE FUCK UP

clara and mr. svarog!: (._.)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: not you clara you did great

clara and mr. svarog!: ＼ (^ω^) ／

serval: lmao you forgot to say uno

serval: draw 2 cards

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I QUIT

gepard: i once performed chest compressions on someone and they started screaming and cursing
at me in ancient belobogian

gepard: i no longer perform chest compressions

gepard: i also wonder how they knew ancient belobogian

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you didnt check their pulse???? you just went straight for the
cpr???

gepard: it was 10 years ago

serval: THEN WHY DID YOU BRING IT UP WHEN WE WERE TALKING ABOUT UN

gepard: i had nothing to say

caelus: “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say
something” -plato

gepard: oh

gepard: okay then

serval: not you quoting some dead guy to seem smart

caelus: philosophy is cool

serval: you didnt know that compound words existed until like 10 minutes ago

caelus: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP

 UNO! (part 3)
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

prepare for trouble: its so refreshing not having caelus in this gc

Dan Heng: i concur

prepare for trouble: yea

prepare for trouble: so you wanna play like

prepare for trouble: chess

Dan Heng: can you even play chess?

prepare for trouble: no

march 7th: you ever see something so bad you get an aneurysm and die

natasha: what?

natasha: did something happen?

Dan Heng: i’m surprised you managed to spell aneurysm correctly

march 7th: HEY

[ uno ]

serval: i just went to saw con today

gepard: what’s that?

bronya rand : “a hand tool for cutting wood or other hard materials, typically
with a long, thin serrated blade and operated using a backwards and forwards movement.”

PDHTG: DIGGERTRON HAS A BUILT IN SAW

serval: i dont wanna finish the joke anymore lets play uno

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: draw 4 @caelus

caelus: what if i dont

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: draw 4.

caelus: ok

bronya rand : uno :)

pela: dos

serval: tres
gepard: what

caelus: cuatro

sample kiosk: cinco

PDHTG: 6

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: why

PDHTG: idk spanish

bronya rand : i win

serval: WHat SINCE WHEN

bronya rand : since now?

sample kiosk: FULL HOUSE

pela: no fuckingn way cae just changed the deck color to blue

pela: YOU KNOW I HAVE NO BLUE CARDS

caelus: LMFAO

sample kiosk: you arent supposed to tell what your cards are dumbass

pela: i told you to never talk to me again

caelus: this isnt fucjing aolitaire or smth whatever

sample kiosk: im surprised you remember with that peabrain of yours

pela: 17.172.224.47

sample kiosk: WHAT

pela: intelligence officer diff

gepard: canon event, can’t interfere

pela: SINCE WHEN DID YOU KNOW HOW TO USE SLANG

sample kiosk: SINCE WHEN DID YOU KNOW HOW TO USE SLANG

pela: what

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

march 7th: hour 15

prepare for trouble: hour 15 of what

march 7th: man idk i wanted to sound cryptic

prepare for trouble: wow you suck at being cryptic

himeko ☕️ : CALIFORNIA GIRLS

himeko ☕️ : hello chidren i am runing on 15 hours onf coffee

march 7th: so how much coffee did you drink

himeko ☕️ : 7 meters

prepare for trouble: himeko what the fuck

Dan Heng: why are the others taking so long to buy uno?

march 7th: why havent they texted here for the entire time when they KNOW they can still text
here

march 7th: like as a sign to show youre still alive

prepare for trouble: what if theyre like those mara struck rn

prepare for trouble: dead but not really

march 7th: STELLE

Dan Heng: stelle.

[ uno ]

serval: im gonna go out to buy one loaf of bread

serval: bye

pela: one????

serval: yes

serval: i eat the whole loaf

serval: you all can have the crumbs

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: white or brown bread

serval: idk man ig white???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ew

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: brown bread>>>>

serval: its ok to admit youre wrong sweetie

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FUCKING KILL YOURSEFL

serval: ok im going now dont do any dumb shit ig

serval: or do

serval: thatd be funny

caelus: clara just blocked my turn

clara and mr. svarog!: sorry about that (´ · _ · `) @caelus

[ caelus, serval ]

serval: *controls your mind so you forgive clara*

caelus: jiejie what the fuck

serval: shhhhhh

[ uno ]

caelus: yea no its fine clara

clara and mr. svarog!: （＾ ν ＾）

PDHTG: man i. want to Stab sOMEONE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: good job hook

sample kiosk: yeah no i gtg buy bread now

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: coward

sample kiosk: says the person whos never gottwn stabbed before

gepard: i’ve gotten stabbed before

 pela: wtf

pela: the person who stabbed you shouldve been better smh

gepard: …thanks?

serval: guys do you want #FFF1D2 bread or #FCEFC8 bread

serval: theres also #DAD2BB and #FFEFD5

pela: what the fuck

serval: listen i care about my hostages opinions

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what

Chapter End Notes

i think part 4 will be the finale for the uno saga

 UNO! (the finale)
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

oh yea quick heads up theres mentioned sushang and mentioned xianzhou luofu in this
chapter

[ uno ]

sample kiosk: IM GONNA CRY HOW DO I HAVE 22 CARDS

pela: LMFAO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i have 25 you ungrateful piece of shit

bronya rand : do you want help?

pela: thats against the rules

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: stfu

serval: i think my bread has been laced with cocaine

sample kiosk: only in belobog

pela: YOU laced it w cocaine dont lie

bronya rand : why do you people keep lacing shit with cocaine. i am going to
kill myself
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: NONONONONONONONO BRONYA

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

gepard: i think we broke bronya

serval: no shit

serval: UNO

caelus: FUCK

pela: i can hear bronya balling in her office

pela: *BAWLING

pela: CAELUS DONTYOU FUCKING DARE

caelus: ⚽️
#balling @bronya rand

serval: basically zero ability to read the room

serval: like brother like sister ig

PDHTG: what hapeoened

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: KILL YOUEESELVES. ALL OF YOU

PDHTG: no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: except hook and clara

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: they can live

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

prepare for trouble: belobob

hepatitis: hello

march 7th: blog

himeko ☕️ : begoble

natasha: they’ve been doing this for an hour

Welt Yang: Blogosphere.

march 7th: mR YANG?????

prepare for trouble: THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND HIMESELF

and make it double!: balls

march 7th: SHUT UP

and make it double!: DIE

prepare for trouble: hashtag best friends

natasha: the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

march 7th: NATASHA WE KNOW

[ uno ]

pela: i think im going crazy

pela: sampo DO NOT POST THE COPYPASTA

sample kiosk: Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room
with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber
room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked
me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was
crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make
me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room
with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber
room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked
me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was
crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make
me crazy.

pela: COMMIT SUICIDE NOW

serval: Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with
rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room.
A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a
room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once.
They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.
Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And
rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber
room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A
rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They
locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.
caelus: lmao

pela: DONT YOU FUCKING DARE

caelus: Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with
rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room.
A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a
room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once.
They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.
Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And
rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber
room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A
rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They
locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

pela: JUMP OFF A BUILDING

gepard: haha

pela: dont haha me ill strangle you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im back

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: bronya too

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i think

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: idk for sure

sample kiosk: yall

sample kiosk: some girl w pigtails and a big sword just kicked down my door
sample kiosk: went “oh sorry wrong house”

sample kiosk: and then just left my door like that

serval: DESERVED

gepard: where even are you??

sample kiosk: uhhhhghgg

sample kiosk: the xianzhou luofu

serval: the what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IS THAT WHY I CANT FIND YOUR ASS ANYWHERE

pela: why do you have a house on the fucking luofu

sample kiosk: I BE IN SITUATIONS

pela: yeAH THATS WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME

sample kiosk: ITS TRUE

caelus: so while you guys were arguing i won

caelus: and gave gepard like 10 cards because i do what i want

sample kiosk: what

serval: thats NOT FUCKINF ALLOWED

caelus: I DO WHAT I WANT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @sample kiosk wait how the fuck are you on the xzlf werenf you
here like 5 minutes ago

sample kiosk: can you not spell xianzhou lufo

caelus: lufo

serval: lufo

pela: lufo

bronya rand : lufo

sample kiosk: BRONAY????

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: bronay

sample kiosk: SHUT THE FUCK UP

sample kiosk: GET +4ED IDIOT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: KILL YOURSELF NOW

sample kiosk: I WIN

serval: no you dont

serval: also

serval: ANSWER SEELES FUCKING QUESTION

sample kiosk: oh the luofu has something called hologram

sample kiosk: pretty fun honestly

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU COULDVE SAID THAT 5 MINUTES AGO

sample kiosk: *throws cards off the table* WHY THO

sample kiosk: SHIT DIVIVER FU JUST SAW ME GTG BYE

serval: how the fuck did you throw cards off the table through a hologram

caelus: diviver

pela: divivation

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i love diviving

gepard: *leaves and goes back to work*

caelus: *eats half the cards when nobodys looking*

pela: since when were we rping

pela: whatever i like rping

pela: *pours hot coffee on gpeaerds head before he leaves*

gepard: what.

serval: gpeaerd

pela: he does not deserve having his name spelled correctly

bronya rand : why do you have coffee? i thought i banned it for you

pela: you saw nothing

bronya rand : pela.

serval: so now we’re treating pela like a kid

gepard: i thought she was one?

pela: YOU

pela: IM ABOUT TO TURN THIS WHOLE CAR AROUND

serval: i didnt know kids could drive in belobog now

pela: THATS IT

pela: I QUIT UNO

 luka has joined the party
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

luka joins the gc and remy is on the run. again

pela: I JUST LOST THE ENTIRE CHAPTER OF A FIC I WAS WRITING GOD IS NO
LONGER REAL TO ME

prepare for trouble: save your drafts dumbass

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: luka finally got a new phone

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @pela add him ill tell you his number

pela: MY CHAPTER

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR CHAPTER AND ADD
LUKA

luka : hi im luka nice to meet you all

pela: @Welt Yang CAN YOU TURN BACK TIME PLEASEEIEJJDJFN

Welt Yang: No.

✨ remy ✨ : i just got a speeding ticket when i wasnt driving

im gonna kill myself

prepare for trouble: you were driving a starskiff dont fucking lie
✨ remy ✨ : ITS NOT A CAR

march 7th: YOURE STILL FUCKING DRIVING IT THO

✨ remy ✨ : how do you know which starskiffs mine anyway

they all look the same

prepare for trouble: maybe bc it has a massive banner that says “TALL BLUE & HANDSOME”

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: L

✨ remy ✨ : what the hell did i do in my past life that made

me deserve this

Dan Heng: mood

march 7th: DANDAN

Dan Heng: what?

serval: YOU BETTER FEEL FUCKING LUCKY YOURE IN THE LUOFU BECAUSE THE
WIND IN BELBOG RIGHT NOW IS SO STRONG I CANT CLOSE MY FUCKING DOOR

luka : what is going on

prepare for trouble: @Welt Yang CENTRAL AMERICA JUST BEAT ME UP

serval: CENTRAL AMERICA I CANT BRRATHE

Welt Yang: I’m too old for this.

Welt Yang: Please.

natasha: not a single day in belobog goes by without someone almost dying

natasha: stay inside during the wind, everyone

himeko ☕️ : fun fact of the day!!!!! if welt says fuck the astral express immediately explodes (trust)

Welt Yang: What?

march 7th: so true

luka : what the hell is this group chat

prepare for trouble: clown to clown to clown to clown to clown to clown to clown to clown to
clown to clown to clown to clown to clown to clown to clown to clown communication

hepatitis: *punches you in the throat*

hepatitis: sorry, wrong chat

serval: WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING WHO IS THE RIGHT CHAT

serval: IM CONCERNED

hepatitis: notice how i didn’t panic as much during the rice cooker incident as you are right now
serval: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE RICE COOKER INCIDENT

hepatitis: nope

serval: ILL KILL YOU

hepatitis: you won’t

hepatitis: anyway, 5 years ago, serval didn’t know how to use a rice cooker and ended up causing
an electrical fire that burnt her house down

hepatitis: i had to pay for repairs

serval: YOU PIECE OF SHIT

✨ remy ✨ : hiii im now wanted in the luofu for modifying a

starskiff the cloud knights confiscated my phone before the court session started but i stole it back
so anyway wyd bbg ;) @hepatitis

hepatitis: block my number, PLEASE

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

✨ remy ✨ : HUH?????

hepatitis: how you’re somehow able to be wanted in 2 planets now, i will never understand

✨ remy ✨ : WHY AM I BEING SCOLDED ALL OF A

SUDDEN

luka : i love brown noise it sounds like eating dirt

pela: yeahh youll fit into this gc great

luka : nice

✨ remy ✨ : GUYS HELP THE LIEUTENANT KID IS

OUT TO GET ME

✨ remy ✨ : I CANT FUCKING OUTRUN THIS 12YO

BOY WHY IS HE SO FAST WHAT DO THEY FEED HIM

✨ remy ✨ : HOLY SHIT HES FUCKING HOVERING

hepatitis: your problem

✨ remy ✨ : I WANT A DIVORCE

hepatitis: okay

✨ remy ✨ : yo hey astral expressers can you uhh pick me up

i wanna go back to belboog

prepare for trouble: no

and make it double!: no

Dan Heng: no

Welt Yang: No.

himeko ☕️ : no

march 7th: no

march 7th: we know youre just using us for your benefit

✨ remy ✨ : yeah?? thats kinda the point????

march 7th: DOUBLE NO FOR THAT

✨ remy ✨ : 2 negatives make a positive

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: that wasnt the case for your parents

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT THE HELL DID I DO

march 7th: thats 7 negatives tho

✨ remy ✨ : 3 positives

march 7th: BLOCKED

 seeles drunk episode
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

natasha had her drunk episode, now its seeles turn

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

serval: gæpærd hænd me th cæreæl

hepatitis: we don’t even live together anymore

hepatitis: give me peace

prepare for trouble: the day you joined this gc was the day you gave up inner peace

luka : oh that makes sense

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yo luka are you ok

luka : yeah im fine

march 7th: good mornafternevenight everyone

pela: why is everyone here on drugs

prepare for trouble: HORA MITE YO

prepare for trouble: HORA FURETE YO

and make it double!: SHUT THE FUCK UP

prepare for trouble: I HOPE YOU TAME MENE YOURSELF

and make it double!: THATS TOO FUCKING FAR

prepare for trouble: SAYS YOU

pela: WHY IS EVERYONE ON DRUGS

prepare for trouble: DAREKA WO ME WO UBAWARETEKU

prepare for trouble: KIMI WA KANPEKI DE KYUUKYOKU NO AIDORU

and make it double!: SHIZUMU YOU NI TOKETE YUKU YOUNI

Dan Heng: why

and make it double!: @Dan Heng i suffer from basorrxis

Dan Heng: go see a doctor

prepare for trouble: wow cervix imagine getting shut down within 10 seconds

pela: CERVIX IM FUCKING CRYING RN

✨ remy ✨ : how is it in belobog

serval: better than when you were here

natasha: have you seen seele around? i haven’t

✨ remy ✨ : have you checked the tavern

natasha: right… how could i forget?

✨ remy ✨ : what do you need her for anywya

natasha: why do you want to know?

✨ remy ✨ : 11 touché

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: beead in the mcroave

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: skaosijendnd tkeae thee braed

prepare for trouble: damn i didnt know you could speak old english

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fire

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: brinya can we fucj

serval: I JUST SPAT OUT MY MILK

bronya rand :…
bronya rand : maybe later

pela: VIOLENTLY TAKING NOTES FOR MY NEXT FIC I WILL INEVITABLY LEAVE TO
ROT IN MY WIPS

pela: MY PEN IS NOW ON FIRE

serval: turn down the thermostat

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: shhsjsiwuajh1&

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im goign rtroototoo kilsl msyelf

natasha: go home

serval: GIVE ME THE CREAL @hepatitis

hepatitis: GET YOUR OWN

✨ remy ✨ : i think i outran the kid

✨ remy ✨ : ok time to dress as some fox lady

luka : its not a very good idea to be telling this to everyone in the gc you
stupid

✨ remy ✨ : what are they going to do

✨ remy ✨ : rat me out

✨ remy ✨ : im on the xianzhou they cant do that

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yyduuudujd

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: brinaya helpe

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hwo cook microave

bronya rand : you don’t cook microwaves

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: cicken micrvae

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: maerry me brosny

bronya rand : …i’ll think about it later

himeko ☕️ : seele

himeko ☕️ : child

himeko ☕️ : what did i say about drinking

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: nicwave

himeko ☕️ : correct

serval: why does seele only talk about microwaves when shes drunk

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i wanna kill sampo

himeko ☕️ : good job child

✨ remy ✨ : WHY IS THAT THE ONLY COHERENT

SENTENCE YOUVE SAID SINCE AN HOUR AGO

pela: i must read more fanfiction to appease the voices in my head

luka : why are none of you people normal

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ooone mroe plelase

march 7th: what

✨ remy ✨ : ive beaten the lieutenant kid dressed as a fox

lady i feel like god

Dan Heng: same, but not dressed as a foxian lady

✨ remy ✨ : i think im safe for now

✨ remy ✨ : wait what the fuck

prepare for trouble: dandan what the fuck did you do without us

Dan Heng: it’s a long story

hepatitis: HOW WERE YOU ON THE RUN FROM THE “LIEUTENANT KID” FOR ONE DAY
STRAIGHT. @ ✨ remy ✨
✨ remy ✨ : let me answer your question w another question

✨ remy ✨ : WHY DO THESE LUOFU

MOTHERFUCKERS MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL ABOUT ME MODIFYING A STARSKIFF

prepare for trouble: they made a big deal about YOU ESCAPING COURT YOU FUCKING
IDIOT

✨ remy ✨ : IN MY DEFENSE COURT WAS FUCKING

BORING

and make it double!: nonono stelle sampos got a point

prepare for trouble: shut the fuck up

serval: caecae i cant defend you anymore

and make it double!: YOU NEVER DEFENDED ME???

bronya rand :@✨ remy ✨ …what did

you do in the luofu? care to run that by me again?

Dan Heng: modified a starskiff, disturbed the peace, escaped court and is currently on the run from
the cloud knights

bronya rand : oh.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: heyyeye braonya sardine

bronya rand : ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hah7-881

serval: SARDINE

✨ remy ✨ : @hepatitis sardine

hepatitis: block my number

✨ remy ✨ : BLOCK MY NUMEBR FIRST YOU

FUCKING IDIOT

hepatitis: no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: m6 brrsgsf

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sssardeine

pela: cant believe theres 2 subplots going on rn

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: bonya isss so preteyyy

prepare for trouble: yo bonya

bronya rand : no

serval: bonya band

hepatitis: i mean this with the utmost respect, but it’s your turn to get bullied, lady bonya
bronya rand : stop

Dan Heng: so we all collectively decided that we call her bonya now?

serval: yep

pela: dude seeles gonna fucking murder us LMFAOO

✨ remy ✨ : damn chat is so dead rn

hepatitis: kill yourself

✨ remy ✨ : ohhhh you wanna kiss me so bad

hepatitis: kill yourself

serval: how the fuck did you two go right back to square one i thought yall had a somewhat secure
relationship

hepatitis: you start trusting people less when you find out they’re wanted in 2 planets

✨ remy ✨ : you never trusted me in the first place

hepatitis: UNTRUE

✨ remy ✨ : OH SO NOW YOU ADMIT THAT

natasha: what…
serval: give them a day theyll be normal again

natasha: neither of them were normal in the first place

serval: fair

prepare for trouble: so do i change her name now

bronya rand : do not

serval: seele would decapitate everyone in this gc

prepare for trouble: its worth it tho

serval: true

bronya rand : what??

prepare for trouble: sorry bonya

bronya rand : no, please

bronya rand : i’ll do anything

prepare for trouble has changed bronya rand ’s name to bonya

bonya: change it back right this instant

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thats it

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im going to fucking kill you all

serval: when seele starts typing in coherent sentences thats when you know you should run

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im sober now you fucking idiots

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i just took a nap

serval: OH

serval: UM

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wait lemme do smth rq before i kill you all

[ bronya rand , ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH ]

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: heyyyyyy bronbron are you still dtf ;)

bronya rand : what does that even mean??

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ooookay maybe not

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

✨ remy ✨ : just befriended a dragon kid #livingthelife

✨ remy ✨ : just got kicked in the shin for saying shes a kid
hepatitis: serves you right

✨ remy ✨ : GO FUCK YOURSELF

march 7th: the fuck happened while i was trapped in my room whys the disaster couple arguing

and make it double!: bitch grow up the bugs gone already stop acting like youre still trapped

march 7th: YOU DONT GET TO SAY SHIT YOUVE NEVER BEEN IN A ROOM W A LIVE
SCORPION

march 7th: I FUCKING GUARANTEE YOUD BE PISSING YOUR PANTS CRYING FOR
DANDAN

luka : i feel like im intruding are you guys ok

hepatitis: I WANT A DIVORCE

✨ remy ✨ : I’M KEEPING THE KIDS

hepatitis: SINCE WHEN DID WE HAVE KIDS??

✨ remy ✨ : DID YOU FUCKING FORGET ABOUT

CHAD YOU STUPID ASSHOLE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: god this is so entertaining to watch

hepatitis: I THOUGHT SERVAL THREW HIM OUT

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT THE FUCK

✨ remy ✨ : @serval WHAT DID YOU DO TO CHAD

serval: I GAVE HIM TO NAT YOU DUMBASS

✨ remy ✨ : oh

hepatitis: oh

hepatitis: …so what were we arguing about again?

pela: how your bf was wanted in 2 planets and you want a divorce or some shit idk

✨ remy ✨ : man i forgot

✨ remy ✨ : lets fuck

pela: OH SO NOW IM FUCKING INVISIBLE HUH ILL BURN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE
DOWN AGAIN

✨ remy ✨ : waitwaitwait what do you mean again

pela: oops

serval: BUSTED

✨ remy ✨ : YOU BURNT MY HOUSE DOWN THAT

ONE TIME????

serval: this is why im the best lawyer in belobog

 hepatitis: you don’t have a law degree

serval: ill snap your neck

luka : where the hell is this conversation right now

Chapter End Notes

oh god why did i make this chapter so long

 sampos horrible adventures on the luofu
Chapter by kora_1

prepare for trouble: i fucking hate sharing a room w caelus

prepare for trouble: hes forcing me to listen to the moaning song on repeat

Dan Heng: the what

and make it double!: HOW DARE YOU SLANDER IFUUDOUDOU LIKE THAT

prepare for trouble: LISTEN THE SONG ITSELF IS GOOD BUT I CANT GET OVER THE
OPENING

and make it double!: grow up

prepare for trouble: YOURE FUCKING YOUNGER THAN ME YOU CANT SAY SHIT

and make it double!: KILL YOURSELF

serval: siblings will be siblings

hepatitis: hello

serval: KILL YOURSELF

serval: anyway what was i saying

luka : im terrified of everyone here

pela: i just fell out of my bed and i think i broke my spine

serval: weak

pela: KILL YOURSELF

✨ remy ✨ : i am now in court for hitting someone w a car

march 7th: I THOUGHT CARS DIDNT EXIST ON THE XZLF

✨ remy ✨ : THATS THE POINT

hepatitis: YOU BROUGHT CARS TO THE XIANZHOU AND USED THEM TO HIT
PEOPLE??

✨ remy ✨ : STAY OUT OF THIS FUCKING

CONVERSATION

hepatitis: SHUT THE FUCK UP I JOIN CONVERSATIONS WHENEVER I LIKE

serval: you know shits going down when hepatitis stops using punctuation

pela: tbf it would look really fucking stupid to use punctuation when youre trying to cuss someone
out

prepare for trouble: #divorcedcore

and make it double!: DIVORCEDCORE

march 7th: how do you guys drink tea

and make it double!: straight from the tree

march 7th: blocked

prepare for trouble: YOU DONT DRINK LEAVES YOU FUCKING IDIOT

and make it double!: KILL YOURSLEF

prepare for trouble: anyways canned tea>>

march 7th: REAL

serval: WHAT THE FUCK IS CANNED TEA

prepare for trouble: YOU DRINK ICED MILK AND YOU THINK CANNED TEA IS WEIRD

serval: HEAR ME OUT

prepare for trouble: NO

bonya: earl grey

serval: earl grey more like earl gay

bonya: :(
pela: *bursts into the room* FRANCE

serval: ITALY

and make it double!: MINNESOTA

pela: what the fuck

hepatitis: hello everyone, what did i miss?

serval: not much

hepatitis: okay, bye

Welt Yang: I got hit by a car a couple hours ago, and am now being treated by the Healer Lady.
Sorry for the inactivity.

march 7th: MR YANG ARE YOU OKA???

Welt Yang: Yes. You needn’t worry about me.

march 7th: SAMPo

march 7th: YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Dan Heng: …how long will it take for you to recover, mr. yang?

Welt Yang: About a few days. The Healer Lady is quite commendable, truly.
✨ remy ✨ : I CALLED DIVIEIRV FU SHORT AND NOW
SHES AFTER ME

✨ remy ✨ : ALSO SOME LEVITATING DRAGON DUDE

THAT LOOKS LIKE DAN HENG

✨ remy ✨ : IM ACTUALLY GOING TO DIE @hepatitis

CAN WE PLEASE HOLD OFF THE ARGUMENT

hepatitis: what do you expect me to do? travel to the luofu?

✨ remy ✨ : GOD FUCKING DAMNIT

pela: dont tell me we have to chapter 6 this again

natasha: do NOT talk about chapter 6

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: just run faster dumbass

serval: if you keep fucking up like this you might get an aeon after you lmao gl

✨ remy ✨ : HUH???? HOWS THAT SUPPOSED TO

HELP

serval: it isnt

✨ remy ✨ : hiding in a storage container rn

Dan Heng: thanks for the information

✨ remy ✨ : yw
✨ remy ✨ : wait why are you thanking me

✨ remy ✨ : WHYA RE YOU

serval: rip bozo

natasha: i just had to diagnose someone with chronic hepatitis

natasha: this group chat has ruined me

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im so sorry

luka : i am concerned for your wellbeing

pela: oignon

✨ remy ✨ : take a shot every time someone sends a death

threat

natasha: please don’t, for your own wellbeing

✨ remy ✨ : 13 and counting

natasha: i will snap your arm like a twig

✨ remy ✨ : dan heng and divivevr fu snapped both of them

already no need

serval: mf how are you typing then

✨ remy ✨ : aiyah stop asking stupid questions

serval: jump off a starskiff

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: IS IT THAT FUCKING DIDFICULT TO SPELL DIVINER

✨ remy ✨ : youre the one who cant spell difficult

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: CATCH THE BUS NOW

serval: what

bonya: natasha persuaded himeko to ban seele from saying “kill yourself”, so now she’s using
more… creative ways to express herself

bonya: she now has a tab called “euphemisms for kill yourself” open on her phone at all times

himeko ☕️ : bonya how the hell do you know all this

serval: I CAST THUNDER SPELL

✨ remy ✨ : BITCH IT JUST STARTED THUNDERING

ON THE LUOFU WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

serval: QLIPOTH BLESSED ME

✨ remy ✨ : ok i might believe you actually this is fucking

terrifyinnh
✨ remy ✨ : DUDE I JUST SAW A GAMBLER GIRL
THROW A CELESTIAL JADE TILE AT SOMEONE WITH MURDER IN HER EYES

natasha: did it hurt them?

✨ remy ✨ : IT KNOCKED THEM CLEAN OUT

natasha: oh

✨ remy ✨ : oh god the gambler ladys staring at me

✨ remy ✨ : send prayers

serval: O ALMIGHTY QLIPOTH BLESS THIS GAMBLER LADY WITH THE POWER TO
KILL SAMPO

✨ remy ✨ : NOT LIKE THAT

hepatitis: good luck, if you die remember i love you

✨ remy ✨ : what

hepatitis: sorry, i have to go to work

hepatitis: talk to you later

serval: i thought you fuckers were divorced or smth

✨ remy ✨ : same
✨ remy ✨ : OH GOD THE GAMBLERS AIMING AT ME
RN HELP ME @Welt Yang @Welt Yang @Welt Yang @Welt Yang @Welt Yang @Welt Yang

Welt Yang: I think you forgot that you’re the one who hit me with a car.

pela: yall wanna play dnd once rem gets back from the xzlf

✨ remy ✨ : FIRST IM SAMPO THEN IM SAM AND

THEN REMY AND NOW FUCKING REM

hepatitis: i think it’s a nice nickname

✨ remy ✨ : mf i thought you hated my guts

hepatitis: i never said i stopped hating you, i just said it was a nice nickname

pela: yeah re stop jumping to conclusions smh

✨ remy ✨ : KILL ME NOW

serval: I CAST SLOWEST MOST PAINFUL DEATH POSSIBLE SPELL

✨ remy ✨ : NOOOO

pela: so are we playing dnd or no

✨ remy ✨ : im leaving the luofu in like 500 hours so yeah

sure

natasha: why 500?

pela: community service

hepatitis: community service

bonya: community service

march 7th: i bet 300 credits that its community service

prepare for trouble: i bet all the money in my bank account BEAT THAT @march 7th

serval: i will kill myself if its not community service

✨ remy ✨ : its community service but i wanted the betting

money :(((

✨ remy ✨ : (i also kinda wanted serval dead but thats

besides the point)

serval: FUCK YOU TOO

hepatitis: the deal’s now off

✨ remy ✨ : NO

serval: what deal

serval: WHAT DEAL

serval: TELL ME YOU LITTLE SHIT

serval: MILKNT

serval: GEPARD MOTHERFUCKING LANDAU

serval: YOU GET BACK HERE NOW

serval: PRONTO

serval: 今

serval: MAINTENANT

serval: SEKARANG

serval: JETZT

pela: LMFAOO
 disasters and dragons part 1
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Summary

its the uno saga but with dice :D

pela: fuck the 500 hours of community service just hologram yourself dumbass bitch @
✨ remy ✨

✨ remy ✨ : divievvr fu took away my hologram privileges

Dan Heng: you never had any hologram privileges, you used it illegally

✨ remy ✨ : SHHHHH

bonya: dungeons and dragons can be played online

pela: oh

✨ remy ✨ : oh

pela: so yeah fuck the submissions just add everyone into one gc

and make it double!: just play dnd in this gc

hepatitis: i can tell this one will be a disaster

serval: WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL

serval: SHAKES YOU VIOLENTLY

hepatitis: let’s play

pela: im the dm bc i have a god complex

prepare for trouble: MY GOD COMPLEX IS MORE GODLY AND MORE COMPLEX

pela: shut the fuck up

pela: so anyways march is the archer

march 7th: FUCK YEAH I LOVE ARCHES

pela: rem is the bard no question

✨ remy ✨ : i know exactly which songs im gonna play

WHAHAHHAHA

pela: nvm hes the rogue now

pela: so he can shut the fuck up

natasha: i assume i’m the healer?

pela: sure

pela: you can also be the uhh

pela: gunslinger

pela: if you want

bonya: i thought i was the gunslinger?

pela: man idk you argue

natasha: then i will be the healer

pela: hepatitis is the tank because i want to see him be injured

hepatitis: what??

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: make me the rogue

pela: ok

prepare for trouble: I WANNA BE THE FIGHTER

pela: SHUT THE FUCK UPPP

serval: IM THE WIZAR

pela: serval is the wizar

serval: WIZARD

pela: too late

pela: youre now the wizar from now on

serval: KYS

luka : can i be a class that involves fighting

pela: barbarian

luka : sounds good

luka : btw what class is hook gonna be

pela: hook can be the uh

pela: the uhhh

pela: uhhhhh

pela: fighter

HOOK ☄️ : YSE!!!!,!!

pela: @bonya you can be the gunslinger or bard

bonya: i’ll be the bard, so i can support people

pela: we all know youre just gonna support seele because youre gay dw about it
bonya: ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ill be whatever class makes me beat the shit out of people

pela: uhhhhhhh

pela: barbarian

and make it double!: theres 2 barbarians tho

pela: stfu stelle expy we can have 2 barbarians if we like

and make it double!: then ill be the barbarian

pela: no

pela: you can be the brute

clara and mr. svarog!: i’m not playing, sorry! (´ω`)

pela: k

prepare for trouble: i dont wanna be the same class as caecae

pela: fuck you youre gonna be a brute too

prepare for trouble: i could slice your head clean off

pela: ok whoever i missed is prob not important enough

and make it double!: DANDAN ISNT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO YOU???? WOMAN YOU
NEED TO GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

pela: thats it im booting you from this campaign

and make it double!: YOU CANT DO THAT

pela: yes i can

serval: we missed like 5 people tf

pela: not important

pela: OKAY

pela: START

pela: i didnt actually think this through gimme like a minute

serval: STUPID BITCH

pela: OK GOT ONE

pela: youre in a castle with 3 doors in front of you which one do you pick

luka : punch a random door

✨ remy ✨ : scream
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: TAKE THIS SHIT SERIOUSLY

hepatitis: can anyone here teleport?

pela: uh

pela: serval

hepatitis: okay, so we use serval as our test dummy and make her teleport herself into all three
doors, then have her report her findings to the rest of the team

hepatitis: if she survives

serval: WHAT

serval: WHY ARE YOU SO EAGER TO THROW ME TO THE WOLVES

natasha: i can heal you if you survive

serval: good point

serval: USE TELEPORT ON THE DOOR TO THE LEFT

pela: ok roll for effectiveness i think

serval: 8

pela: uh
pela: ok you teleport successfully but you find some wolves there

✨ remy ✨ : i feed the wolves with servals corpse

serval: IM NOT FUCKING DEAD

✨ remy ✨ : not yet

serval: WHAT

pela: roll

✨ remy ✨ : 13

serval: WHAT

pela: you throw serval to the wolves and she has half her limbs eaten

pela: -4 hp for serval

pela: oh your max hp is 8 btw

serval: WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME

pela: you have successfully befriended the wolves

pela: grant +2 dice roll for the next 2 rolls

✨ remy ✨ : for the whole team or just me

pela: the whole team

pela: selfish asshole

✨ remy ✨ : SINCE WHEN WAS I THE SELFISH ONE

pela: silence

pela: so anyway you looted the room on the left now which door do you want to open next

hepatitis: the one in the middle

serval: youre tanking all hits btw i am so done w tanking

serval: before you open the door nat heal me please

natasha: use heal on serval

pela: roll for healing

natasha: 8

pela: you heal serval for 1 hp

serval: ONLY 1?????

pela: @hepatitis you open the door with ease

prepare for trouble: serval why did you waste your teleport earlier

serval: I DIDNT FUCKIFN KNWO

hepatitis: what’s in the room?

pela: uhh something

hepatitis: thanks?

pela: ok listen i rolled a 4 idk what to do i cant play dnd

hepatitis: oh

luka : punch whatever is inside this room

pela: roll for damage

luka : i rolled a 2

pela: you miss and accidentally punch a wall

pela: a sleeping dragon had made the castle walls its home for 500 years and you just woke it up

✨ remy ✨ : steal whatever shit the dragon has and make a

run for it

pela: roll for uhh

pela: stealing??? man idk

✨ remy ✨ :8

serval: WHY THE FUCK IS IT ALWAYS 8

pela: you manage to steal some stuff but the dragon steps on you

pela: -5 hp

pela: you now have 4 hp left

march 7th: shoot the dragons head

pela: roll for damage

march 7th: YES I GOT 16

pela: you kill the dragon in one hit

serval: HUH?????

march 7th: im just luckier than all of you lmao

pela: you all get 50 exp and whatever shit the dragon had

pela: honestly not much since all the dragons done is sleep in the castle walls
luka : go back to the room and punch whatever is inside

pela: roll for damage

luka : 17

pela: you punch the mystery thing so hard it bursts open

pela: congratulations that thing was actually a treasure chest

pela: +25 exp for everyone and a shit ton of gold and whatnot

prepare for trouble: leave the castle and kill everyone in the nearby town

✨ remy ✨ : coerce everyone in the nearby town to give us

all their stuff

bonya: make an alliance with the nearby town

hepatitis: how about we just leave the nearby town alone?

pela: stelle rolled a 7 so she falls down the hill and crashes (literally) the party the nearby town was
holding

pela: she gets scolded but nothing else

hepatitis: help stelle up

pela: you rolled 13 so you get her up without causing any trouble
✨ remy ✨ : get drunk at the party and make out w a random
town resident

serval: what the fuck

hepatitis: what.

pela: fucking kill me already

pela: roll for seduction

✨ remy ✨ : 10

pela: why do i even do this anymore

pela: you get moderately drunk

pela: as you lean in to make out with the random town resident

pela: they step away causing you to fall over

serval: deserved

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: use butterfly flurry on remy because i am sick of this fucker

pela: roll for damage

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 17

pela: you immediately kill remy

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

natasha: revive sampo

serval: NO

natasha: he’s a rogue, he may come in useful

pela: roll for healing

natasha: i rolled 19

pela: SIGH

pela: you heal remy up to full hp

pela: why did you do that

natasha: sorry

✨ remy ✨ : i owe you one

natasha: you certainly do

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YSE BUTTERFLY FLURRY AGAIN ON REMY

pela: cant

pela: youre out of uses

bonya: offer to help the townspeople rebuild the party after stelle crashed it

pela: you roll a 9

pela: they reject your offer

bonya: oh

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: USE BUTTERFLY FLURRY ON THE TOWNSPEOPLE

pela: YOURE OUT OF USES GODDAMNIT

bonya: use combat redeployment on seele

pela: you roll 14

pela: seele regains one use of all abilities and causes her turn to immediately start

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wait do i get one extra usage if my usages were already capped

pela: no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: USE BUTTERFLY FLURRY ON THE TOWNSPEOPLE

pela: roll for damage

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: GODDAMNIT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 7

pela: you moderately injure a resident

pela: the townspeople have decided to ban you all from their town

prepare for trouble: BURN DOWN THE ENTIRE TOWN AND SHOW THEM WHOS BOSS

serval: FUCK YEAH

luka : uh

pela: roll for damage

prepare for trouble: 12

pela: you kill 60% of the towns population and burn down half the architecture

prepare for trouble: YES

✨ remy ✨ : I SAVE DICK BY GIVING IT CPR

serval: I CAST SHUT THE FUCK UP SPELL ON REMY

serval: NOW

✨ remy ✨ : THATS NOT A REAL SPELL

pela: roll for effectiveness

serval: 4

pela: he does not shut the fuck up

pela: as a side effect to your shut the fuck up spell, you meet god himself

serval: WHAT

serval: I USE THUNDER SPELL

hepatitis: YOU MEET GOD AND YOUR FIRST THOUGHT IS TO ATTACK HIM HEAD-
ON??

pela: roll for damage

serval: 2

pela: it barely tickles god and the thunder spell sends you flying back to where you were
previously standing

pela: oh btw you take 5 hp

pela: you are now dead

natasha: i’m out of revives

serval: SOMEONE FUCKING CPR ME

hepatitis: chest compressions it is

serval: NO I DONT TRUST YOU TO DO CPR

bonya: DOES ANYONE HAVE A DEFIBRILLATOR ON HAND?

✨ remy ✨ : seduce the town doctor into giving us a

defibrillator

pela: roll for seduction

✨ remy ✨ : 18

pela: you successfully seduce the doctor and they give you a defibrillator

✨ remy ✨ : seduce the doctor into giving me their life

savings

hepatitis: i’m gonna need you to stop this instant

pela: roll for seduction

✨ remy ✨ :5

pela: the doctor realizes youre trying to scam them and suckerpunches you in the face

pela: -1 hp

pela: you are now at 8hp

serval: MOTHERFUCKER REVIVE ME NOW

serval: SAMPO ILL CAST THUNDER SPELL ON YOU IRL IF YOU DONT REVIVE ME
NOW

✨ remy ✨ : you cant do that shit

pela: SHUT THE FUCK UP

pela: REMY ATTEMPTS TO REVIVE SERVAL

pela: ROLL FOR HEALING

pela: YOU ROLL A 7

pela: YOU ELECTROCUTE YOURSELF WITHT THE DEFIBRILLATOR

pela: -3 HP FOR YOU

pela: YOU ARE NOW AT 5 HP

prepare for trouble: hey guys did you know that in terms of

serval: I CAST INSTANT DEATH SPELL ON STELLE

pela: YOURE FUCKING DEAD YOU IDIOT YOU CANT DO SHIT

✨ remy ✨ : i scream in servals ears

pela: MOTHERFUCJER SHES DEAD

✨ remy ✨ : pay some dude witb the money we stole to

organize a funeral

serval: @bonya COMBAT REDEPLOYMENT ON NAT AND HAVE HER REVIVE ME

PLEASE

bonya: use combat redeployment on natasha

pela: you roll a 13

pela: natasha will have her turn after luka

luka : uhhh punch remy

pela: roll for damage

luka : 19

pela: remy dies instantly

✨ remy ✨ : damn

serval: PAYBACK

natasha: revive serval

serval: FINALLY JFC

hepatitis: i think we’re done here, we should move to the next area

✨ remy ✨ : IM STILL DEAD

hepatitis: i can drag your dead body across the ground, no problem

✨ remy ✨ : IM GOING TO STAB YOU THE SECOND I

COME BACK TO LIFE

pela: that ends day 1 of our campaign now gts

serval: YOU GTS

pela: YOU GTS

natasha: stop
 dungeons and derailment
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

pela: our next stop is goboleb, the hottest area on this planet

natasha: …that’s just belobog reversed

march 7th: ok cool so will the first person we meet there be useful

✨ remy ✨ : HEY WHAT

pela: yes

HOOK ☄️ : I FOUND A GRENADE

natasha: do not

HOOK ☄️ : I THROW THE GRENADE RANDOMLY

natasha: do not.

pela: uhhhhh roll for uhhhh???? damage

HOOK ☄️ : 6

pela: the grenade comes back like a boomerang and hits you
pela: -4 hp

pela: you now have 6 hp

HOOK ☄️ : NO

pela: it also blasts remys corpse into smithereens

serval: HELL YEA

✨ remy ✨ : WHY DID YOU HAVE TO ADD THAT

✨ remy ✨ : THAT ADDS NOTHING TO RHE FUCKING

CAMPAIGN

hepatitis: i think it’s now impossible to revive you

✨ remy ✨ : FUCKING KILL YOURSELF

hepatitis: no

serval: LETS GET DRUNK AGAIN IN GELOBOB

pela: THATS NOT HOW YOU SPELL IT

serval: BOTTOMS UP

Dan Heng: i was away for a while, what’s going on?

serval: dnd campaign

Dan Heng: may i join?

pela: no

✨ remy ✨ : I REANIMATE MY OWN CORPSE USING

THE POWER OF THE ABUNDANCE AND STAB GEPARD IN THE STOMACH

pela: no you dont

serval: I CAST THUNDER SPELL ON GEPARD

hepatitis: what did i do??

serval: I CAST FIREBALL ON GEPARD

hepatitis: ???

march 7th: why do uou guys keep killing each other wtf

serval: sport

natasha: stop killing each other for sport

bonya: where exactly are we?

luka : goboleb
bonya: that i know, but what can we see here?

pela: you cant see shit

bonya: let me guess, i rolled a 1

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i found what looks like a banana

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: why the hell are there bananas here

luka : eat it ️

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ok

pela: roll for damage

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wait what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: DAMAGE?????

pela: yeah you heard me right

pela: DAMAGE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BANANS ARENT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING DAMAGE YOU

pela: THIS IS DND ANYTHING GOES

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FINE ILL ROLL

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHAT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I ROLLED A FUCKING 20

serval: LMFAO

✨ remy ✨ : PAYBACK

pela: the moment you peel the banana, its sheer aura kills you instantly

✨ remy ✨ : imagine being dead LMFAO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU DONT GET TO SAY SHIT WHEN YOUR ALREADY
COLD ASS CORPSE GOT TURNED INTO LITERAL FUCKING ASHES WHEN HOOK
THrEW THE GRENADE

serval: I CAST THUNDER SPELL ON THE BANANAN

hepatitis: won’t the bananana kill you instantly?

serval: true

serval: I CAST THUNDER SPELL ON THE BANANANAN

pela: roll for damage

serval: FUCK

serval: 7
pela: the banananana reflects your thunder spell, hitting you

pela: -3 hp

serval: am i dead yet

pela: honestly i havent been keeping track

march 7th: youre a horrible dm

pela: SHUT THE FUCK UP

hepatitis: i’m calling the police

✨ remy ✨ : ITS CHAPTER 100

✨ remy ✨ : STOP THE CAMPAIGN ITS PARTY TIME

MOTHERFUCKERS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: youre dead you dont get a say in anything

✨ remy ✨ : I SAID ITS PARTY TIME

MOTHERFUCKERS

pela: FUCK YEAH

luka : i dont know whats going on but i like parties

serval: NOT THE PARTIES

natasha: that was 89 chapters ago

serval: HISS BARK BARK GROWL

luka : guys what happened to her

✨ remy ✨ : oh yeah uh long story short she tried to plan a

party and it failed horribly

✨ remy ✨ : i think she still holds a grudge against me for

putting cooking oil where she usually keeps fruit juice

serval: YOU THINK????

✨ remy ✨ : LISTEN IT WAS MARCHS FAULT THAT

SHE DRANK COOKING OIL

march 7th: WAS NOT

march 7th: WHY CAN YOU NEVER TAKE THE BLAME

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT I ALWAYS TAKE THE BLAME

Dan Heng: i have a headache

and make it double!: how do pianos fuck

serval: THEY DONT

hepatitis: what kind of a question is that?

and make it double!: then how do they make more pianos

bonya: they… make them

and make it double!: why do i never see any piano factories then HMMM

Welt Yang: Hello, Caelus seems to have gained access to my stash without permission. I sincerely
apologize for any inconvenience.

hepatitis: your stash??

hepatitis: of what??

hepatitis: WHAT IS INSIDE YOUR STASH.

pela: HOW DID THIS GO FROM DND TO PARTIES TO PIANO SEX TO DRUGS ALL OF A
SUDDEN

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: LMFAO RN THIS SHIT IS GOLD

serval: WHY ARE YOU USING LMFAO LIKE THAT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ITS FUCKING CORRECT

hepatitis: @pela DRUGS??

✨ remy ✨ : damn youre slow

 hepatitis: since when did i allow you in this conversation?

✨ remy ✨ : right because i need permission to enter convos

✨ remy ✨ : fucking princess smh

hepatitis: kill yourself

serval: back to square one

natasha: chapter one, more like

pela: yep

pela: HEY WAIT A SECOND

Chapter End Notes

THANK YOU FOR OVER 31K HITS, 734 KUDOS, 566 COMMENTS AND 58
BOOKMARKS (AT THE TIME OF WRITING THIS NOTE)!!! :D WORDS CANT
DESCRIBE HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!!! OH
AND A QUICK SHOUTOUT TO A guest who don’t speak English fluently,
Amythementallyunstableao3user, Arson_s1, Bones_x, Kinsaba, Anomaly_001,
toffeephi AND goldenmonarch!!!! EVEN IF YOU ARENT IN THE SHOUTOUT, I
STILL APPRECIATE YOU TONS, THESE ARE JUST PEOPLE WHO
COMMENTED A LOT/HELPED SHAPE THE FIC AS IT IS NOW/MADE
HELPFUL COMMENT(S)/MADE A FIC INSPIRED BY ME!! (god this feels so
sappy LMFAOO) IM STILL IN AWE HOW THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE MY
GREATEST CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
LMFAO anyway capitals time over, catch you guys later! kora signing off :)
 dnd campaign? whats that?
Chapter by kora_1

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

serval: BELOBOG BREAKING NEWS: GEAPRD FOUND DEAD AT 10AM WITH WALKING
CANE THROUGH HIS HEART

✨ remy ✨ : rip

✨ remy ✨ : kinda wanted more of that silvermane guardussy

before he died but nbd

natasha: shut the fuck up. PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP.

serval: dude i think you fucking broke natasha

hepatitis: stop acting like i’m dead, i just took a nap

serval: BELOBOG BREAKING NEWS: GEPARD COMES BACK TO LIFE

hepatitis: …

pela: RESUMING OUR CHAMPAGNE

pela: CANPAUGH

pela: CMAPAIGH

pela: CHAMPIGNON
pela: CAMPAIGN

pela: frist try

serval: frist

pela: KILL ME NOW

and make it double!: you guys still didnt answer my question about pianos

pela: SHUT UP

pela: so where were we

hepatitis: gobelob or something, i forgot the name

pela: thank you for being useful for once

hepatitis: what??

pela: so anwyay you find a little girl

serval: I CAST FIREBALL

pela: I DIDNT EVEN FINISH MY SENTENCE WHAT THE HELL

serval: I DONT CARE

clara and mr. svarog!: ( ; _ ; )…

serval: OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY CLARA I DIDNR MEAN IT IM SOSOSOOSOS SORRY

✨ remy ✨ :c

✨ remy ✨ :u

✨ remy ✨ : later in belobog because i just got pardoned

WOOHOO

✨ remy ✨ : wait whyd seele block me :(((

hepatitis: you did not deserve to be pardoned

✨ remy ✨ : you arent from the luofu you dont have a say in
this

hepatitis: neither do you

✨ remy ✨ : KYS

pela: @serval roll for damage

pela: yk for the fireball

serval: oh shit

serval: i almost forgot about the campaign

pela: HEY WHAT

serval: 4

pela: the girl only gets a few minor injuries and runs away

serval: damn

pela: she sends god himself after you

serval: WHAT

prepare for trouble: round 2 babeeyyyyy

march 7th: cant believe clara made a cameo in this campaign

clara and mr. svarog!: ^_^

prepare for trouble: SO ANYWAY LETS PLAY 2 TRUTHS 1 LIE

pela: I THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING DND WHAT THE HELL

prepare for trouble: I DONT FUCKING CARE

natasha: i’ll go first

natasha: i have purposely killed a patient using medicine and then lied about it being an accident to
the patient’s parents, i am 42 years old, and i have a seafood allergy
serval: what

hepatitis: 1 is the lie

natasha: i’m actually 41 years old

hepatitis: okay

hepatitis: wait, what?

and make it double!: vine boom

pela: every day natasha gets slightly more unhinged

natasha: sorry, i thought that said 2 lies 1 truth

natasha: i’m actually not allergic to seafood

march 7th: oh ok

march 7th: wait what

march 7th: NAT????

and make it double!: vine boom

HOOK ☄️ : WHAT???

pela: lore bomb

hepatitis: so we just… accept the fact that natasha admitted to murder??

pela: its the lore

✨ remy ✨ : hitching a ride on the express rn

✨ remy ✨ : signal kinda sucks

✨ remy ✨ : ill try to send a pic tho

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: NOBODY FUCKING ASKED

✨ remy ✨ : [selfie_of_me_on_the_express.jpg]

march 7th: brb im gonna ask pompom to start making the express shake

✨ remy ✨ : guys i think i can see belobH)2$1$!

H72) i

serval: damn

hepatitis: that’s too bad

luka : cool story bro

natasha: i think he lost connection

pela: ok so we’re just gonna let him die in space

hepatitis: that’s plan a, yes

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: whats plan b??

hepatitis: ask pela

pela: jesus christ

pela: anyway plan b is we kill him

hepatitis: wasn’t that plan c?

pela: i got impatient so im making it plan b

hepatitis: okay

hepatitis: what’s plan c?

pela: plan b and c swapped places

serval: the fuck are you guys talking about

prepare for trouble: i got bored so when some rando called me i picked up and said “911 whats
your emergency “ and i could hear them panicking

and make it double!: BITCH THAT WAS ME

prepare for trouble: no it wasnt

and make it double!: YES IT WAS??? @Dan Heng YOU COULD HEAR ME RIGHT????v

Dan Heng: no?

and make it double!: IM GONNA CRY AND ITS YOUR FAULT

Dan Heng: it’s not

serval: cant believe caecae and dan heng stole your dynamic @hepatitis @
✨ remy ✨

hepatitis: stop

[ landooooooo ]

servalley girl: @touching grass your time is near

touching grass: dont word it like that

servalley girl: the council shall judge your sins

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

luka : so whos planning the funeral

serval: not me

hepatitis: i can’t plan funerals

 prepare for trouble: can we really plan a funeral if we dont know where the body is

✨ remy ✨ : hi im not dead

Dan Heng: not yet

✨ remy✨ : I COME BACK AND THIS IS HOW IM

GREETED????

Chapter End Notes

oh yea if youre wondering why updates are slower now, its because school started lol
 gerbil? geboble? gebjejene???
Chapter by kora_1

✨ remy ✨ : guys im in the snow plains

✨ remy ✨ : again

hepatitis: death by hypothermia

✨ remy ✨ : kill yourself

hepatitis: you kill uourself

hepatitis: *yourself

✨ remy ✨ : minor spelling mistake

✨ remy ✨ : argument automatically invalidated, tracking

your ip address rn

hepatitis: you can’t do that

✨ remy ✨ : yes i can

bonya: good morning

pela: death by hyperthermia

pela: HOLYSHITWRONGPERSON
bonya: …that’s what i thought

✨ remy ✨ : i admit that i lied about being pardoned

✨ remy ✨ : i was actually banned from the luofu

Dan Heng: like me?

✨ remy ✨ : yes

✨ remy ✨ : wait what do you mean

prepare for trouble: *goes to gc* *drops lore bomb* *refuses to elaborate* *leaves*

and make it double!: i love my bbg

prepare for trouble: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Welt Yang: Good morning.

serval: morning bbg

Welt Yang: What.

hepatitis: sorry about her

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im surprised you can just talk to welt like normal after he stabbed
you
hepatitis: he did not stab me

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what

hepatitis: serval lied about the breaking news

pela: anyway lets resume the camping

pela: campaign

prepare for trouble: we leave gobeleb for the superior xianzhou luofu

and make it double!: no

Dan Heng: no

prepare for trouble: you guys arent even playing stfu

✨ remy ✨ : the lianzhou xuofu

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im ramming my head into a wall

✨ remy ✨ : TF DID I DO?????

Dan Heng: i am so tired

prepare for trouble: TAAAAAKE OOOOOON MEEEEEEEE

and make it double!: (TAKE ON ME)

prepare for trouble: TAAAAAAAAKE MEEEEEEE OOOOOOOOON

and make it double!: (TAKE ON ME)

prepare for trouble: IIIIII FORGOOOOOOT THE LYRIIIIIIICS

serval: this gc is a fucking circus

pela: giving myself a concussion

hepatitis: stop that

pela: youre next motherfucker how dare you

pela: also thanks

serval: PELA SHOWS COMPASSION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS (REAL) (NOT
CLICKBAIT)

pela: ok thats it back to asshole mode

hepatitis: serval why did you do that

serval: LISTEN

prepare for trouble: girl thinks shes kafka

serval: who the fuck is kafka

pela: CAN WE PLEASE CONTINUE THE GAME

prepare for trouble: sure

prepare for trouble: we look through every trash can in gebibol

pela: you find a bunch of trash

prepare for trouble: damn engolb sucks

and make it double!: engolb

prepare for trouble: shut up california

and make it double!: is this a fucking challenge sewerage

prepare for trouble: cache it is ON

hepatitis: these nicknames keep getting stupider and stupider

serval: stupider isnt a real word

hepatitis: explain why it doesn’t have a red underline

serval: kill yourself

✨ remy ✨ : can i arrest opmas for impersonation

pela: who the fuck is opmas

pela: oh

pela: thats kinda smart ngl

pela: but yeah sure you can arrest him

pela: roll for effectiveness

✨ remy ✨ :3

pela: you fail miserably LMFAO

pela: oh yea btw the parallel version of you is a silvermane guard captain

pela: so he sends his troops after you

pela: you are now the #1 most wanted criminal in goboleb

✨ remy ✨ : WHAT

serval: wait hold on is gebobl really the parallel of belobog if remys the #1 most wanted criminal
on both planets

pela: shit

pela: youre right

✨ remy ✨ : so do i go free

pela: no

✨ remy ✨ : WHY

pela: because fuck you thats why

✨ remy ✨ : jesus christ

 bronya brand rbronyaahsdndm *has a storke*
Chapter Notes

BIG NEWS!!! I HAVE A CO-AUTHOR NOW :D its toffeephi btw WOOOOOO

See the end of the chapter for more notes

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: can you fuckers get your shit together i want to play the game

natasha: seele’s right

pela: shit okay uhhhhbshhbv whose turn is it

hepatitis: isn't it your job to know???

✨ remy ✨ : mine

march 7th: mine

pela: ok it’s march’s turn

✨ remy ✨ : HEY

serval: deserved LOL

✨ remy✨ : THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL SMH MY HEAD

prepare for trouble: me when i shake my head my head

natasha: time is a flat circle

march 7th: I FOUND A CUTE DOG I WANNA PET IT

pela: ok roll for uhhhh

pela: uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

pela: petting idfk anymore

march 7th: 7

pela: the dog runs away you dont get to pet it

march 7th: :(

hepatitis: why are we here in the first place?

pela: ronya brand, the unsupreme guardian of goboleb, is trying to overthrow the architects

pela: you have to stop her

serval: i dont wanna

pela: TOO FUCKING BAD

serval: COCOLIAAAAADHSGDHEFG

hepatitis: …calm down

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i flirt with the unsupreme guardian

pela: what

bonya: what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i rolled a 20

prepare for trouble: you fucking WHAT

serval: mfs are still gay for each other in this parallel universe

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SHUT THE FUCK UP

pela: so anyways ronya brand falls so deeply in love with you she forgets her evil plans

bonya: oh my

natasha: aww :)
hepatitis: she’s evil?

serval: “sHe’S evIL?” mf have you BEEN PAYING ATTENTION AT ALL

hepatitis: i’m sorry?

pela: HOWEVER the next unsupreme guardian ailococ takes the throne and resumes ronyas
original ploy

and make it double!: ailocock

pela: hey how about you shut the FUCK UP

serval: COLCOAI YOU BITHC

serval: GDKJAFAGSKNB

serval: AGJSFBDKJ

serval: KLAJGHLK)I@JNF

and make it double!: wow cant believe servals letting her inner beast out

serval: SHUT THE FUCK UP CAECAE I WILL TEAR ALL YOUR LIMBS FROM YOUR
BODY

and make it double!: YOU shut up jiejie

 and make it double!: wait why do i hear footsteps waIT JIEJIE PLEA

luka :

natasha: i think that’s enough for today

pela: no

natasha: everybody get a good night’s sleep :)

pela: shut up

natasha: pela, i will surgically remove your spinal cord. i have all the necessary apparati, and will
arrive in approximately 15 minutes. you forced me to resort to this.

pela: WHAR

natasha: sorry, autocorrect is a little weird today. meant to say ‘alright then’ :)

pela: THIS SHIT IS HORRIFYING WHAT THE HELL NATAAHSA

pela: NATAHSA?????

Chapter End Notes

sorry if the formats a little wonky i used my laptop to upload this <- kora wrote this, i
(toffee) just fixed the format LOL
hello it’s me toffeephi i just became a co author so updates might be a little more
frequent!!
 pela goes into hibernation
Chapter Summary

pela loses her shit (kinda)

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Dan Heng: good morning everyone

Dan Heng: caelus just blew up one of himeko’s coffee machines. the entire express crew is awake
right now.

Dan Heng: …except for march, somehow.

and make it double!: i wanted to make soup :((

prepare for trouble: dandan you couldve done so much better LMFAO

and make it double!: STOPP

himeko ☕️: @and make it double! THAT’S WHAT THAT WAS???

himeko ☕️: your days are NUMBERED

and make it double!: IM SORRY OK

himeko ☕️: anyways good morning children

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: it’s 4 am wtf

himeko ☕️: seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: …good morning, mom

himeko ☕️: that’s better :)

luka : good morning

Welt Yang: Good morning. Why are the rest of you awake?

natasha: everyone here has a terrible sleep schedule

pela: IM GONnA LOSE IT

pela: IM FUCKIGN DONE

pela: I HATE MY LIFE I HM FUCKUGNIJ WAOIUHHGXKNM

Welt Yang: What’s wrong?

pela: NTJAHSA

pela: NATHAHSA

pela: NATASHA

pela: SHE CHANGE D THE PASSWODR FOR MY WATTPAD ACCOIJTN

pela: MY READIERS

pela: IM GONDNA CRY I CANT TAKE THIS

natasha: you’ve been awake writing for the past 27 hours straight

natasha: as a doctor and as your friend, i can’t let you destroy yourself like this. get some sleep.

pela: YUOU DONT UDBERSTAND

pela: MY READEJRS

pela: I NEEND TO WRITE OR IM GOIJF TO DIE I CANT TAKE A BREAK

pela: IM GIOJFN TO FUCKING KILM MYSEL F

pela: FIRST BRONYA TAKES AWAY MY COFFEE. AND NOW TBIS

bonya: i thought you got over that already

pela: I HVAE NOTHIGN ELSE TO LIVE FOR I AHTE EVERYTHING IM ENDING IT ALL

luka : are you okay

natasha: pela, enough

natasha: i’ll give you your account back when you aren’t so sleep deprived

pela: okay goodnight natasha

hepatitis: …that was easier than i thought it would be

hepatitis: i’m guessing there won’t be a dnd game today?

prepare for trouble: THE FUCKIGN 180 LMAO IM

Welt Yang: You’re what?

prepare for trouble: uh

prepare for trouble: nothing

Welt Yang: I see.

natasha: now, why are you four awake? @hepatitis @luka @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELA
@bonya

luka : training

bonya: doing paperwork

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: NO REASON

bonya: she’s keeping me company :)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BRONYA

natasha: that’s sweet

himeko ☕️: aww, i’m gonna have grandkids :)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: HIMEKO WHTA THE UFKC

himeko ☕️: LMAO

hepatitis: sampo keeps on pestering me

✨ remy ✨ : GIVE ME ATTENTIONN

hepatitis: it’s four in the morning, for qlipoth’s sake

himeko ☕️: that’s what happens when you decide to date the worst person in belobog

✨ remy ✨ : WTF DID I DO TO YOU

serval: wtf i thought you guys were divorced for like 2 weeks wtf happened

hepatitis: long story short, i found out he lied about almost every crime he ‘committed’ on the
luofu, except for speeding on a starskiff and disturbing the peace,

hepatitis: …to get my attention

natasha: what a cliché trope, really

✨ remy✨ : IN MY FUCKING DEFENSE IT WORKED

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: christ you are down HORRENDOUS

✨ remy✨ : says you

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BLOCKED. REPORTED.

serval: yall stfu for a sec the real question is why was himeko in the know before me

himeko ☕: its obvious when someones dating the worst person alive

prepare for trouble: himeko arent you married to a literal stellaron hunter

himeko ☕️: okay kafka is NOT MY WIFE

prepare for trouble: lies

and make it double!: lies

Dan Heng: stelle is right

himeko ☕️: IM

Welt Yang: @himeko ☕ Pom-Pom just found one of Kafka’s coats outside of your room. Can you
ask her to come retrieve it?

prepare for trouble: HUH??

himeko ☕️: WELT WTF

Welt Yang: Sorry, wrong chat.

 and make it double!: LMAOOO

himeko ☕: I HATE YOU ALL

Chapter End Notes

a little bit of kafhime food for you all <3 (i am so obsessed with them and bronseele i
think about them every single day my twitter likes consist of only bronseele and
kafhime art) -t

by the way, we've decided to add little signatures to the end of whatever we write in
the AN to help with any confusion (-t is toffee and -k is kora) -k
 everybody is insane
Chapter Summary

pela’s still sleeping, the gc is all over the place

Chapter Notes

kora and i had a specific idea planned for this chapter but we have a combined iq less
than the member count of this gc -t

See the end of the chapter for more notes

✨ remy✨ : where is pela i wanna play dnd

serval: dead

prepare for trouble: smh shouldve tried using ao3 maybe she wouldntve died

serval: she died of shortness

natasha: she’s just sleeping, what is wrong with you??

✨ remy✨ : SHES BEEN SLEEPING FOR LIKE 18 HOURS

hepatitis: is wouldn’t’ve a word?

✨ remy✨ : it is if you want it to be bb

prepare for trouble: shut the FUCK up

serval: back to square
whateverthefuckitisrightnowlistenihavelosttrackoftimesoiforgotwhenthedivorcesagastartedorendedhimekowhyd

prepare for trouble: she was too busy making out with kafka

himeko ☕️: WILL YOU STOP TALKIGN AHOUT HER ALREADY

prepare for trouble: cant believe i got myself a stepmom

himeko ☕️: ENOUGH.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: KARMA

and make it double!: wait kafkas dead

prepare for trouble: shes dead to me

Dan Heng: that’s not how that works

Welt Yang: I’m tired.

Dan Heng: hello tired, i am dan heng

Welt Yang: That joke made me LOL.

himeko ☕: never use slang again please

march 7th: i cant read whatever serval typed up there before you guys started talking about kafka
serval: yeah me neither

Dan Heng: i didn’t know you could read at all, march

march 7th: dan heng do yourself a favor and remember i have a handbag full of rocks on me at all
times before you say ANYTHING

Dan Heng: ….anyway

Dan Heng: @hepatitis the word wouldn’t’ve is, unfortunately, grammatically correct. it does look
like an incantation one would chant to summon a demon, though

and make it double!: nerd

Dan Heng: …

Dan Heng: i should honestly get paid to deal with you all

HOOK ☄️: NERD HENG

natasha: @HOOK ☄️ it’s past your bedtime, no? go to sleep

HOOK ☄️: SAMPO SAID I DONT HAVE A BED TIME ANYMORE

natasha: …

natasha: sampo does not have a say in whenever your bedtime is

natasha: @✨ remy✨ explain?

✨ remy✨ : HWAT

✨ remy✨ : I NEVER SAID THAT

natasha: 10

natasha: 9

✨ remy✨ : WIAY

natasha: 8

✨ remy✨ : IM NOT LYING

prepare for trouble: remy ur fucked LOOL

natasha: 7

natasha: 6

✨ remy✨ : I SWEAR ON QLIPOTH I DIDNT DO

ANYTHING

hepatitis: now you’re pulling out the qlipoth card?

natasha: 5

natasha: 4
✨ remy✨ : @hepatitis SAVE ME

natasha: 3

hepatitis: i am not getting involved in this

natasha: 2

march 7th: everyone say bye to sampo LMFAO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: good fucking riddance

natasha: 1

✨ remy✨ : HAVE MERCY ON ME

natasha: i believe you, no worries

✨ remy✨ : ???

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHAT

natasha: …do you want me to not believe you?

natasha: hook and i spent the entirety of yesterday in the overworld, it’s unlikely you talked to her
at all

HOOK ☄️: MR SAMPO IS DUMB

✨ remy✨ : WTF NAT DONT SCARE ME LIKE THAT???

✨ remy✨ : I NEARLY HAD A FUCKING HEART

ATTACK

natasha: language

✨ remy✨ : INGLESE

serval: remy traumatized by nat (real)

and make it double!: when youre so terrified you become spanish

prepare for trouble: ugh hate when that happens

Dan Heng: “inglese” is italian, actually

prepare for trouble: shut up

and make it double!: stfuuu

march: well thats not very english of sampo to say IS IT NOW HMMMMM

hepatitis: i think everybody in this group chat is terrified of natasha to some degree, honestly

natasha: that being said, though, it’s still past your bedtime @HOOK ☄️

HOOK ☄️: SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

serval: shes just like me fr

natasha changed HOOK ☄️’s name to the weak

natasha: there, now go to bed

the weak: NOOO CURSE YOU OLD WITCH

natasha: hook

the weak: sorry goodnight miss natasha

natasha: that’s more like it

prepare for trouble: ACABO DE VER LA ARAÑA MÁS GRANDE QUE HE VISTO EN
BELOBOG

prepare for trouble: CASI TUVE UN ATAQUE AL CORAZÓN

and make it double!: kinda wish you actually had un ataque al corazon ngl

prepare for trouble: espero que mueras solo

Dan Heng: here’s a translation to everything stelle just said: ‘ACABO DE VER LA ARAÑA MÁS
GRANDE QUE HE VISTO EN BELOBOG’ = ‘I JUST SAW THE BIGGEST SPIDER I'VE
EVER SEEN IN BELOBOG’

and make it double!: i think that’s the most caps dandan has ever used in one message

Dan Heng: ‘CASI TUVE UN ATAQUE AL CORAZÓN’ = ‘I ALMOST HAD A HEART

ATTACK’
Dan Heng: ‘espero que mueras solo’ = ‘i hope you die alone’

hepatitis: …spiders don’t exist in belobog, though? I thought you knew that @prepare for trouble

prepare for trouble: wait what the fuck was that then

prepare for trouble: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???????

Dan Heng: it’s likely to just be a fragmentum illusion

serval: use your imagination

serval: its obviously a demon

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: so are you changing hooks name back @natasha

natasha: probably not

luka : whats going on

luka : i am scared

natasha: all of you need to turn your phones off and take a nap

serval: sleep is for the weak

natasha: my finger is hovering over the ‘change name’ button

 serval: sorry

Chapter End Notes

i will continue to shove kafhime and bronseele down your throats if you see any
kafhime crumbs it was probably written by me -t

i will continue to shove sampard down your throats as per usual thank you for
understanding :) -k
 hey google how do you pronounce louvre
Chapter Notes

this is the chapter idea toffee was talking about last chapter -k

prepare for trouble: guys ive been arguing w calendar for an hour over this help

prepare for trouble: how do you pronounce louvre

serval: loofah but the ah part is really short

serval: and the f is pronounced as a v

and make it double!: stelle pronounces the v and i dont and its driving me crazy

serval: you pronounce it lure???? caecae what the fuck

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: why the hell do you guys care anyway

prepare for trouble: why not

hepatitis: i shall remain impartial to this debate

and make it double!: bro thinks hes an 18th century victorian era gentleman

Dan Heng: the victorian era doesn’t start until the early 19th century… disappointed

and make it double!: sorry daddy i mean

prepare for trouble: SIDE EYE

Welt Yang: Facepalm. Cringe, even.

march 7th: MR YANG SToOOOOP

prepare for trouble: the day mr yang says broski were all gonna die

march 7th: why even bother pronouncing louvre when you can just say that one french museum
theyre basically the same thing

prepare for trouble: why even bother pronouncing march 7th when you can just say nosy bitch
theyre basically the same thing

march 7th: I HAVE A HANDBAG FULL OF ROCKS.

prepare for trouble: you give me rocks ill eat them

march 7th: oh

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHY IS THE R IN LOUVRE SILENT THIS SUCKS ASS

✨ remy✨ : low free

hepatitis: i know i said i was going to be impartial to the debate, but HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU
ARE SO FUCKING STUPID

✨ remy✨ : WHAT
✨ remy✨ : I SAID THAT AS A JOKE ARE YOU OK??/

serval: GEPPIE????

hepatitis: sorry

Welt Yang: Are you okay, broski?

hepatitis: …?

prepare for trouble: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO MR YAAAAAANG

Welt Yang: LMAO.

and make it double!: why the FUCK did you have to add that period at the end you were so close
to using it properly

Welt Yang: Sorry.

himeko ☕: welts right next to me and he thinks i cant see that hes fucking giggling while typing

Welt Yang: Fine, I admit to deliberately using slang to see your reactions.

serval: DAMMIT

luka : what is a louvre ⁉️

natasha: i don’t know

bonya: i just finished up some paperwork and this is what i see when i go to the group chat?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hi welcome back bronya how was the paperwork was it tiring do
you need me to make you some soup and give you a blanket can i kiss you

bonya: that’s a lot of questions

bonya: …yes to all of them, by the way

prepare for trouble: so the paperwork was yes

bonya: except for the “how was the paperwork” question. thank you for notifying me, stelle

serval: you’re always doing paperwork jfc

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yeah bronya you should do me instead

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: why is nobody saying anything

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHY IS NOBODY SAYING ANYTHINNG

bonya: oh my! um!

serval: did bonya get possessed why is she typing like that LMFAO

bonya: excuse me, i must depart now!

prepare for trouble: the gay spirits took over

✨ remy✨ : this shit is hilarious

serval: also is pela still sleeping im like actually concerned

natasha: i may have slipped a little something-something in her coffee to compensate for all the
sleep she’s lost in the past months

hepatitis: exactly how am i supposed to react to this?

luka : you react like this

luka :

hepatitis: you’re okay with this??

clara and mr. svarog!: i’m sure miss natasha knows what she’s doing! (ﾉ≧‫)≦ڡ‬

hepatitis: oh my aeons, i forgot you were in this group chat

serval: HOW DARE YOU

natasha: i was kidding, she should be awake by now

pela: HEY MOTHERFUCKERS I CRAWLED OUT OF MY GRAVE TO MAKE YOUR LIVES

WORSE AGAIN

hepatitis: grave?

pela: its bed in italian

Dan Heng: it is most certainly not

pela: okay well fuck you book boy

natasha: good morning pela

pela: shit i just rememebred

pela: @natasha GVIE ME BACK MY FUCKING WATRPAD ACOUNT

natasha: …fine

natasha: i better not catch you staying up so late anymore, though. you still have several months of
lost sleep to catch up on

pela: blehhh

natasha: [surgical_tools.jpg]

natasha: pelageya sergeyevna, you do not want to test my patience.

pela: OKAY OKAY HOLY FUCK IM SORRY ILL FIX MY SLEEP SCHEDULE

natasha: good :)

serval: such a long name for such a short person

pela: I HATE YOU

himeko ☕: guys i think i ran someone over

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hey mom how do you pronounce louvre

himeko ☕: fuck if i know

pela: what are we talking about

 drenched humor
Chapter Summary

nobody can stay focused enough to actually play dnd

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Welt Yang: Who ordered 50 meters of Christmas lights under my name?

and make it double!: stelle

prepare for trouble: TRAITOR

prepare for trouble: YOU SIGNED AN OATH IN BLOOD NEVER TO TELL ANYONE

march 7th: what the hell

himeko ☕: trailblazing spirit amirite

march 7th: more like spirit the drink

✨ remy✨ : why would you spit in drinks thats unhygienic

pela: shut the fuck up its dnd time

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ok

serval: ok
✨ remy✨ : ok

luka : let’s play

pela: shit where did we leave off uhhh

natasha: we stopped after ‘ailococ’ became ‘unsupreme guardian’

pela: right

prepare for trouble: does serval still have her whole angsty lovers to enemies lesbian divorce ordeal
with cocolia in this universe

serval: STFU COCOLIA WAS NOTHING TO ME

✨ remy✨ : i just heard serval scream and break some shit in

her room you sure cocolia was nothing to you??

serval: KYS

march 7th: and they were roommates

pela: oh my god they were roommates

serval: hold on why tf are you in my house again @✨ remy✨

hepatitis: can we please move on

prepare for trouble: guys shut up for a sec and listen to me

pela: no

Dan Heng: i’m listening

himeko ☕: KAFKA IS THAT YOU??

prepare for trouble: IM YOUR DAUGHTER HELLO??//

prepare for trouble: anwyay dry humor implies the existence of wet humor

natasha: i'm sending you to a psychiatrist

✨ remy✨ : okokokokokok guys HEAR ME OUT

hepatitis: shoving cotton balls inside my ears

pela: SHUT THE FUCK UP WE ARE PLAYING DND

luka : damp humor

✨ remy✨ : moist humor

✨ remy✨ : i was supposed to speak first luka how dare you

luka : type faster then

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: this keeps getting worse and worse please shut up all of you

himeko ☕️: if only i could get kafka to use her spirit whisper over text
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: who the fuck is kafka

himeko ☕️: your other mom

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: YOU’RE JUST TELLING ME THIS NOW???? MOM WTF

prepare for trouble: himeko like 2 days ago you were like “i have nothing to do with kafka” “stop
bringing kafka up” kafka this kafka that

himeko ☕: what

serval: i cast shut the fuck up spell on remy

✨ remy✨ : BITCH WHAT DID I DO

serval: call me a bitch thats what

pela: roll for you know the drill

serval: 18

✨ remy✨ : WAIT

pela has muted ✨ remy✨ indefinitely

serval: YES

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thank god

hepatitis: who?

prepare for trouble: me

prepare for trouble: im god

hepatitis: you are not

prepare for trouble has muted hepatitis indefinitely

serval: HEY YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO DO THAT

natasha has unmuted hepatitis

natasha: we still have to play dnd

hepatitis: thank you

hepatitis: UNMUTE ME

pela: oh my fucking god

✨ remy✨ : pela i think youre forgetting who the real god is

serval: wtf happened to my shut the fuck up spell

✨ remy✨ : you can contain me no longer

 prepare for trouble: you think you scare me sam ill beat your ass

march 7th: damn imagine awakening your god powers just to bypass a mute

✨ remy✨ : in my defense im a very petty person

hepatitis: aaaand you’re back again

✨ remy✨ : i just bypassed the mute

✨ remy✨ : turns out if your internet is shitty enough the app

breaks and lets you do whatever

✨ remy✨ : only downside is everything takes FOREVER to

load

natasha: that would probably be less of a bother if your eyes weren’t glued to your screen, and you
actually used that ‘forever’ to do something productive

✨ remy✨ : i think i just got stabbed in the heart emotionally

Dan Heng: ok

luka :

pela: wow guys great dnd session today totally didn’t get sidetracked AGAIN im goiNG TO KILL
ALL OF YOU

Chapter End Notes

the campaign will continue tomorrow don’t worry guysys!!! -t

if my brain doesnt forget that the campaign exists, that is -k
 walls are made to be broken
Chapter Summary

this is so dumb

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

pela: hi guys let’s play dnd

prepare for trouble!: does pineapple belong on pizza

natasha: we’re not doing this today

✨ remy✨ : i think i will pronounce champagne like lasagna

hepatitis: how does one even do that

✨ remy✨ : watch me

✨ remy✨ : *passionately makes out w you*

hepatitis: *loads a glock*

✨ remy✨ : WAIT WHAT

and make it double!: WE MADE A CHOICE GO FIGHT AGAINST YOUR FAAAAATE

march 7th: PAIN WILL COME WITH THE BLADE

Dan Heng: stop

march 7th: no

and make it double!: if you say so bbg

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: all of you shut the FUCK UP

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: we are going to play dnd

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: and if ANY of you get sidetracked for even a MILLISECOND

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i will make you REGRET IT

pela: thanks seele

natasha: seele, i didn’t expect you to be so passionate about this

natasha: i can't say i’m against it, though

serval: aren’t you the one responsible for healing everyone back to life tho

natasha: exactly

serval: what

prepare for trouble: seele’s only acting like that because of her beloved ronya brand

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: QUIET

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @pela go ahead

pela: lemme think

pela: oh right

pela: so ailococ gets wrongfully accused of trying to overthrow the monarchy

bonya: oh!!!

prepare for trouble: wait i have one question

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no

prepare for trouble: shut up

pela: ah yes so ailococ jumps into a fragmentum

bonya: oh!

luka : can i punch the fragmentum

pela: maybe you can

pela: roll for damage

luka : 18
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: how the hell do you guys keep rolling 18s

pela: you punch the fragmentum so hard it glitches out and disappears

luka : yay

pela: now you have no way to follow after her

luka : oh

prepare for trouble: wow we had to kill someone to stop the fragmentum and you just punch it hard
enough and it disappears immediately good for you

serval: what

hepatitis: who did you kill.

march 7th: nobody

march 7th: idk what stelles talking about

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: holy shit get back on track you people the murders are not
important

pela: murders with an s

prepare for trouble: wait is the clara in this universe really buff

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yea sure

and make it double!: mr svarog is the child

natasha: “the child”

serval: im just imagining a tiny svarog going “help me miss clara” in a high pitched robot voice

clara and mr. svarog!: ⚆ᗝ⚆

pela: girls fucking TRAUMATIZED HELP HER

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: GET BACK TO THE GAME ALREADY

pela: ok so uhhhghh ailococ

hepatitis: what about her?

pela: idfk the author is so lost rn

natasha: don’t you mean authors?

pela: wait WHAT

pela: AUTHORS?? WITH A MOTHERFUCKING S?????

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what the FUCK are you guys on about this time

✨ remy✨ : cocaina

pela: REMY STFU AND BACKREAD

✨ remy✨ : HOLD ON WAIT WTF

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ?????????

hepatitis: are we still playing dnd?

pela: SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS IMPORTANT

pela: WALL BREAKERS GC @natasha @✨ remy✨

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: if this is for some dumbass shit like some random fanfiction i will
end you

✨ remy✨ : uh

[ wall breakers ]

natasha: pela, what did you call us here for?

pela: WTF DO YOU MEAN BY “AUTHORS”

pela: AUTHORS AS IN MUTLIPLE??///?(?

sampo: there is NO WAY

natasha: what else could i mean by “authors?”

pela: SO THERES ACTUALLY MULTIPLE AUTHORS NOW??? @natasha @natasha @natasha

@natasha
natasha: yes, there is

sampo: YOURE LYING

natasha: why would i lie about this?

natasha: i thought you guys knew?

sampo: NO???????

pela: oh my fucking god i KNEW SOMETHING WAS OFF

pela: yea ofc you didnt know remy youre the newbie here

sampo: you also didnt know what makes you think you can say anything

kora_1 added kora_1 to the group

kora_1: shut up remy i can delete you

sampo: IM

pela: OH MY GOD ITS

pela: ITS GOD

kora_1: yes keep calling me god it helps inflate my ego

toffeephi added toffeephi to the group

toffeephi: hello

natasha: can you guys stop doing that you’re freaking them out

toffeephi: yes maam

toffeephi has left the group

kora_1: im here to stay motherfuckers

͗ ́ ̏ ̓ ́ ͛ ͂ ̈ ́ ̽ ̏̐̌ ̀ ̽̊
̑
̻̆ ̟̈̋ ̻̅ ́ ͒̅ ̀ ͑̒ ̍̈ ́ ̃ ̈̍ ̕ ̨̻ ͂͒̆ ̚ ̋ ̂͋ ͕͒̅̍ ͕͊ ͇͋͒̄ ͘ ͌ ́ ̀ ͔͗͐͛ ͘ ͠ ͋̈ ́ ͑̄ ̰̈͆ ͆̈̌ ́ ͒̄̋̆ ̕
natasha has m̴͝ ŭ̴̘͓ ͜͠ t̶͖̫̿̐͝ ḙ̶̗͓͊̄ ̉ ḏ̷͜ ̳̱ ̢ ͆̚ͅķ̸̳̘͓ ͜ ȯ̷̷̹̬͎ ͝ r̵̬̩͋͘ ͠ ͘ ả̶̧̟̼͂ ̰͔̮ _̷͠ ̢ ͅ1̧͛ ̷̜̖̗̈ ́ í̶̵͉̍͝ n̵̐ ̛ d̛̙͆ ̕ ę̶̸̬̻ ̀ ͝ f̸̼̣͓̘̔ ̕͜ i̸̠͕ ̅n̻̜ ͝ ǐ̷͇̘͈̎ ́ ̤͖̙ ţ̵̃ ê͍͎̜̐ ̕ ͝ ĺ̸̷̠̗ ỷ͕̟̮ ̸ ͜ ̧̭̗ ̀
̥ ͓͉ ̹ ̭ ͕ ͖̙̜ ̪̺͙ ̯̣
̼

natasha: what??

kora_1:

toffeephi has removed kora_1 from the group

toffeephi: sorry about her

pela: didnt you leave wtf

natasha: i don’t know what’s happening anymore, this chapter is a complete mess

[ kora_1, toffeephi ]

kora_1: i wanted to bully them for a bit longer tho :(((((

toffeephi: sorry

toffeephi: by the way we forgot to actually go anywhere w the campaign

toffeephi: …again

toffeephi: sorry readers

kora _1: im not sorry

kora_1: i just got the worst headache ive ever had wtf

kora_1: did the readers revolt

toffeephi: maybe

toffeephi: anyways the next chapter will hopefully be fully completely centered around the
campaign

kora_1: we both know its not going to

kora_1: so uh yeah readers dont get your hopes up

toffeephi: dont say that

toffeephi: we’re gonna make it happen trust

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]
 ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: where the fuck did pela go

pela: im gonna throw up

Chapter End Notes

sorry this chapter was such a mess LMAO me and kora just wanted to have some fun -t

did you enjoy the me cameo say yes thank you in advance -k
 um uhh fuck uuhh IDK
Chapter Summary

wow a dnd chapter???

Chapter Notes

i wasnt lying toffee was i HAHAH -k

yeah i can't believe i misled you guys like that shame on me (i am being held at
gunpoint) -t

See the end of the chapter for more notes

pela: dnd

prepare for trouble: yes

pela: ok so like u guys have to go fin d ailococ

serval: what if we dont

pela: bitch just go with it

✨ remy✨ : I RUN HER OVER WITH A CAR

pela: no you dont

serval: WE RUN HER OVER WITH A CAR

pela: FINE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

pela: ROLL

pela: BOTH OF YOU

pela: NOW

pela: im running out of patience

serval: 7

✨ remy✨ : i got a 1

serval: YOU STUPID BITCH

pela: THE TWO OF YOU DRIVE 90 MILES PER HOUR INTO QLIPOTH FORT AND ANGER
EVERY SILVERMANE GUARD IN EXISTENCE

hepatitis: do i count as a silvermane guard…?

pela: no stfu you got isekaid you have no power here

prepare for trouble: how come seele and bronya gets to use their abilities while luka and nat have
basic ass shit like “punch” and “heal”

pela: BECAUSE NAT DOESNT SCREAM “LOVE HEAL AND CHOOSE!!!!!!” EVERY TIME
SHE USES HER GODDAMN ABILITIES DOES SHE NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP

pela: oh btw both of u are dead @serval @✨ remy✨

hepatitis: hasn’t remy been dead the whole campaign?

pela: HES DOUBLE DEAD BECAUSE FUCK REMY

hepatitis: …i did that already

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: SHUT THE FUCK UP I WILL WEAKNESS BREAK YOUR
ASS RIGHT NOW

✨ remy✨ : heh

✨ remy✨ : heheheheh

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: KILL YOURSELF

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: himeko’s offline so i can actually say kys for once

hepatitis: i’m sorry, a cat walked over my keyboard

natasha: that’s my line

serval: are we gonna go find ailococ or what

pela: BITCH YOU GOT YOURSELF KILLED TRYING TO RUN HER OVER WITH REMY
STFU

natasha: where did they even drive to? didn’t she jump into the fragmentum?

✨ remy✨ : yeah maybe that wasnt the best idea

bonya: let’s split up and try to find her

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i agree

prepare for trouble: because of course you do

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: STFU

bonya: i’ll go with seele

prepare for trouble: because of course you will

bonya: what?

natasha: i guess i’ll group up with luka and gepard

luka : awesome

pela: remy will go alone because hes fucking dead

serval: SO AM I???

natasha: use heal on serval

✨ remy✨ : HEY WAIT

natasha: it’s called a triage, now if you’ll excuse me, i have someone to heal

pela: roll
natasha: 20

pela: serval is revived back to full hp

serval: THANK YOU ILYSM MARRY ME

natasha: …maybe some other time

serval: wait what

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: NAT??

natasha: for now, though, you can join my group

serval: ill take it

pela: gays. all of you.

prepare for trouble: why does everybody’s rolls correlate to their character wtf is this

prepare for trouble: nat is good at healing people

prepare for trouble: luka is good at punching shit

prepare for trouble: seele is good at murdering people

✨ remy✨ : and flirting with bronya

prepare for trouble: and flirting with bronya

serval: and remy is good at

serval: nothing

✨ remy✨ : HEY

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: USE BUTTERFLY FLURRY ON STELLE

prepare for trouble: ??? WHY ME

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FOR AGREEING WITH REMY THATS WHY

bonya: calm down

pela: roll for damage

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 20

pela: stelle dies instantly

prepare for trouble: damn

pela: also you get an extra turn

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: USE BUTTERFLY FLURRY ON REMYS CORPSE

✨ remy✨ : BITCH MY ASHES HAVE ALREADY BEEN

BLOWN INTO THE WIND WHAT ARE YOU USING BUTTERFLY FLURRY ON

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: okay well fuck you i dont have anything better to do

natasha: can we stop being so violent with each other?

natasha: we keep getting each other killed

bonya: natasha’s right

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: so i changed my mind i will not use butterfly flurry on remys
corpse

prepare for trouble: btw whos in my group @pela

pela: uhhh march and hook i guess

march 7th: great

the weak: HONORARY MEMBER DO ALL THE WORK FOR ME

prepare for trouble: i would if i wasnt dead

march 7th: pitch dark hook the weak

the weak: HOW DARE YOU

bonya: we’re getting sidetracked again, let’s continue looking for ailococ
serval: why

pela: bitch you literally asked “are we gonna go find ailococ or what” like a few messages ago are
you fucking bipolar

serval: i forgot

bonya: she jumped into a fragmentum

march 7th: thats a stupid thing to do

bonya: …you did that too

prepare for trouble: bonya how tf did you even find us so fast

bonya: that’s a secret

✨ remy✨ : boom

himeko ☕️: KAKFKA?!,1!)(!,??

✨ remy✨ : no take your meds

pela: anywyas @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH you and bonya run into some fragmentum
monsters while searching

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH:FIGHT THE MONSTERS WITH MY BARE HANDS HOW

DARE THEY APPROACH US

luka : thats right!

pela: roll for damage

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: 20

pela: what the fuck

bonya: !!

pela: ok well the thing dies gj

pela: you hurt your hand a little though -1 hp

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no i dont

pela: you do

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: no i FUCKING dont

pela: yes maam sorry about that

and make it double!: beep beep lettuce

pela: @natasha you guys also run into some monsters

serval: I CAST THUNDER SPELL

natasha: why is it always thunder spell?

serval: fuck if i know

pela: roll

serval: shit i got a 2

✨ remy✨ : HA FUCK YOU PAYBACK

serval: STFU BITCH THIS IS WHY UR TRIPLE DEAD

pela: you completely miss and your thunder spell hits lukas metal arm thing

pela: -5 hp for him

luka :

serval: IM SORRY

hepatitis: i’m banning you from using thunder spell

serval: you cant do that

hepatitis: yes i can

serval: what are you gonna do

serval: punch the thunder spell out of me???

natasha: can you guys have this argument some other time? there’s still fragmentum monsters right
in front of us

pela: one of them punches hepatitis in the face

pela: -3 hp

serval: deserved

and make it double!: deserved

hepatitis: why?

and make it double!: BECAUSE FUCK YOU THATS WHY

serval: shut up caecae IM the only one allowed to bully geppie

and make it double!: he told stelle to kill me like 2 months ago i think its fair

prepare for trouble: hepatitis was right

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: atp everybodys killing everybody get over it

natasha: you’re the one contributing to most of those deaths, seele

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i never said i wasnt

natasha: sigh

✨ remy✨ : unfortunately i am the deathee or whatever the

 fuck its called

Dan Heng: victim. the word is victim.

✨ remy✨ : yeah yeah ok google assistant i get it

Dan Heng: kill yourself

prepare for trouble: WHAT

march 7th: DANDAN????

and make it double!: thats my bbg

pela: dude he said kys once before like 3 months ago stfu

natasha: this is why we can’t have nice things

Chapter End Notes

do not question the chapter title i will sob -t

 dungeons and desbians
Chapter Summary

gay people

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

pela: just watched someone get hit by a car

Dan Heng: i’m in the clinic right now due to getting hit by a car. thank you, natasha, for treating
me

natasha: it’s my job, no need to thank me

and make it double!: first welt and now dandan why tf is the entire express crew getting hit by cars

prepare for trouble: youre next

the weak: GO GO GADGET VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER

hepatitis: okay, who gave hook a car?

clara and mr. svarog!: (″·◌ิ_·◌ิ)

serval: it was probably sampo

✨ remy✨ : OK WHATS YOUR REASONING BEHIND

THAT HUH

serval: do you REALLY want me to tell you

✨ remy✨ : uh

✨ remy✨ : no

serval: i thought so

the weak: I STOLE IT

natasha: you what

natasha: whose car was it??

the weak: SAMPOS

serval: why is hook blatantly mentioning the details of her crime like this

serval: especially when there’s two silvermane guards AND the supreme guardian herself in this
gc

the weak: what are they gonna do call the cops??? on me????? pitch dark hook the great who
killed 20 people on october 21st last year with my bare hands and diggertron????

hepatitis: what.

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: those are baby numbers

natasha: @the weak wasn’t october 21st last year the day you had me throw an anniversary party
for the moles?
the weak: yeah i made that story up

prepare for trouble: bummer

natasha: …did you want hook’s story to be true?

prepare for trouble: yes

hepatitis: i’m pretty sure everybody in this group chat is a criminal to some extent

hepatitis; besides bronya, pela and i

pela: especially you

pela: murderer

hepatitis: stop that… please

bonya: pela has committed illegal drug use and aggravated assault before, you’re fine @hepatitis

pela: SO ANYWAYS LETS PLAY DND

pela: @natasha @serval @luka @hepatitis you guys are still fighting those fragmentum
monsters btw

luka : wow these monsters are really strong weve been fighting them for a day straight

pela: not really you guys just havent hit them at all
serval: I CAST THUNDER SPELL

natasha: stop

serval: sorry

hepatitis: can someone attack the monsters already??

serval: BITCH YOU DO IT THEN

hepatitis: okay

pela: roll for damage

hepatitis: 12

pela: uhh you moderately damage one of them

hepatitis: i’ll take it

serval: imagine only being able to deal single target damage HAHAH

hepatitis: i throw serval to the fragmentum monsters.

serval: HEY

natasha: what is wrong with all of you??

pela: roll for throwing

natasha: do not

hepatitis: 6

natasha: oh my god

natasha: qlipoth give me patience because if you gave me strength, half this group chat would be
dead

✨ remy✨ : i dont think you need qlipoth to give you strength

for you to be able to kill half the gc

natasha: you’re right

serval: friendly reminder that nat is terrifying and can easily murder all of us

the weak: it took you guys that long to figure out

pela: @hepatitis you dont get to throw serval btw

serval: HA FUCK YOU GEPPIE

hepatitis: worth a try, at least

serval: KYS

luka : throw gepard

natasha: do NOT.
luka : sorry miss natasha

serval: I CAST THUNDER SPELL

natasha: serval.

pela: ROLL

serval: YES

serval: 15

natasha: oh

pela: ok you kill the rest of them

serval: @hepatitis I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING GO FUCK YOURSELF

hepatitis: you also “did something” to luka’s arm

serval: STFU DIE

luka : stop arguing itll hurt hooks ears ☹️

natasha: good job, serval

serval: thanks bbg

natasha: what?

serval: nvm

prepare for trouble: @pela what do we find what about us huh

pela: idfk u guys r just babysitting hook rn

the weak: IM NOT A KID

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ME AND BRONYA HAVE TO FIGHT FRAGMENTUM

MONSTERS WHILE THEYRE JUST BABYSITTING HOOK??? WTF IS THIS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BRONYA COULDVE GOTTEN HURT YOU FUCKER

bonya: calm down, it’s just dnd

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: okay if you say so honey

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BRONYA****

bonya: it’s okay, i like it when you call me that :)

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wait really??? ill call you that more from now on then ☺️

prepare for trouble: how the fuck did that autocorrect to honey

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ikr haha my autocorrects been acting really weird recently
serval: now seele is typing weird all the gay people are getting possessed LMFAO

pela: yea ok seele have your gay shenanigans some other time were playing dnd

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: fine

march 7th: dungeons and desbians amirite

prepare for trouble: desbians

march 7th: LISTEN I COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE

pela: anyways uhh one of u find ailococ and u all group back up

✨ remy✨ : which one of us was it me it was me wasnt it

hepatitis: you need to learn how to stop getting your hopes up

pela: remy youre still fucking quadruple dead

✨ remy✨ : WHY DOES IT KEEP GOING UP

pela: because fuck you

march 7th: keep dying we need to get to 69 dead

✨ remy✨ : youre right omg

prepare for trouble: @pela do we find her digging through trash cans
pela: no stfu

prepare for trouble: i cant hear you from down there bc im so tall and youre so short

pela: bitch youre only so tall because hoyo needed both mcs to be around the same height

prepare for trouble: wtf does that mean

natasha: @pela *grabs you by the neck* this is your last warning.

and make it double!: why the apostrophes

Dan Heng: asterisks

and make it double!: *passionately makes out w you*

Dan Heng: *loads a second glock*

hepatitis: don’t steal my idea, please

Dan Heng: sorry

Dan Heng: *sharpens cloud piercer*

hepatitis: thank you

and make it double!: *sharpens baseball bat*

 Dan Heng: what

and make it double!: what

march 7th: thats just a sword

prepare for trouble: RULELS,.. ARE MADE TO BE BROKEMN!)!!,1!!1

natasha: enough

Chapter End Notes

insert funny and original comment here -t

if a mermaid and a person with a fish head had a child would the child be fully human
or fully fish (or inherit the mother/fathers species(?)) -k
 brainrot soup
Chapter Summary

this chapter is all over the place tbh

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

pela: dee en dee

hepatitis: you’ve held me captive in your basement for the past 30 hours, can i please be let out?

bonya: WHAT

pela: how did you get your phone back

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: calm down honey its just unlawful detention

bonya: WHAT

✨ remy✨ : ILL SAVE YOU GEPPIE

hepatitis: on second thought, it’s quite comfortable here in pela’s basement

and make it double!: ok good stay there i dont wanna see you again

✨ remy✨ : sm fucking h

prepare for trouble: me when i shake my fucking head

prepare for trouble: shit wait that actually makes some sense FUCK

✨ remy✨ : CHECKMATE MOTHERFUCKER

serval: shaking my sm my head h

natasha: why

Welt Yang: I love SMHing.

pela: WHY WOULD YOU USE IT LIKE THAT

serval: im gonna go throw up smh

himeko ☕️: welt we talked about this

Welt Yang: Talked about what, homie?

prepare for trouble: oh my fucking god

himeko ☕️: welt.

Welt Yang: Poggers.

himeko ☕️ WELT.

Welt Yang: Sorry.

Welt Yang: It’s nice to know that me using slang still draws such amusing reactions out of you all.
Welt Yang: We do a little trolling.

prepare for trouble has muted Welt Yang for 12 hours

pela: breadsrticks

and make it double!: LUKA LUKA NIGHT FEVER

hepatitis: …?

luka : someone said my name ❓

and make it double!: @hepatitis SHUT THE FUCK UP BASEMENT BOY

serval: BASEMENT BOY IM ASPHYXIATING

luka : thats not good

natasha: @serval do you actually need medical attention??

serval: only if youre gonna give me mouth to mouth

and make it double: JIEJIE???

natasha: mouth-to-mouth isn’t a recommended type of resuscitation; sorry to disappoint

serval: oh
the weak: reSUSSYtation

natasha: go to sleep, hook

[ caelus, serval ]

caelus: oOoOo jiejie has a little crush?!?1!?

serval: QUIET

caelus: its ok i wont tell anyone

serval: you better not

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

natasha: @serval may i ask why you asked me to give you mouth-to-mouth specifically?

serval: UH

serval: I UM

serval: HEARD IT WAS MORE EFFECTIVE

natasha: ah, i see

natasha: you may want to double check your sources next time

serval: yes thank you natasha

natasha: any time, serval

[ caelus, serval ]

serval: [nat_ss.jpg]

serval: SHES FUCKING OBLIVIOUS WTF IS THIS

caelus: NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FUCKING FEELS

caelus: also werent u the one telling me to be direct with dan heng

caelus: hypocrite

serval: SHUT UP THIS IS DIFFERENT

caelus: HOW???

serval: STFU CAECAE GO TO SLEEP ITS UR BEDTIME

caelus: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO IF I DONT GO TO SLEEP?? GROUND ME??? IM ON

THE EXPRESS YOU CANT DO SHIT WHAAHAHAH

serval: ILL GET HIMEKO TO GROUND U BITCH

caelus: SHE DOESNT GIVE A SHIT IF I STAY UP FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT

serval: ILL TELL HER TO TELL KAFKA TO GROUND YOU

caelus: IVE NEVER EVEN MET KAFKA

silvr_wulf added silvr_wulf to the group

silvr_wulf: caelus

silvr_wulf: kafka told me to tell u shes grounding u if u dont gts rn

caelus: WHAT THE FUCK

serval: THIS ISNT EVEN A GC

serval: THE POWER OF QLIPOTH COMPELS YOU THE POWER OF QLIPOTH COMPELS
YOU THE POWER OF QLIPOTH COMPELS YOU THE POWER OF QLIPOTH COMPELS
YOU THE POWER OF QLIPOTH COMPELS YOU THE POWER OF QLIPOTH COMPELS
YOU

silvr_wulf: yea ok

silvr_wulf: @caelus r u asleep yet kafkas bugging me again

caelus: yes

silvr_wulf: dont lie 2 me

caelus: or what

caelus: what are you gonna do about it bitch

silvr_wulf: 97.156.159.38

caelus: SHIT

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

hepatitis: i want to chuck my brain into a washing machine

and make it double!: i also want to chuck your brain into a washing machine dw

himeko ☕️: @and make it double! go to sleep

and make it double!: oh my fucking god FINE

prepare for trouble: wtf happened while you werent here did kafka spirit whisper you

and make it double!: hello, astral expressers :)

himeko ☕: HOLY SHIT

and make it double!: @himeko ☕️ come on over to your room, darling. i have a surprise for you~

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: PUT YOUR GAY SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE PLEASE I AM
LOSING SANITY SLASH SRS

bonya: hello everybody

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: DHSBDHVBM HI BRONAYAA

bonya: hello seele

march 7th: hey can someone help with folding the laundry i never learned how to fold socks

Welt Yang: @march 7th Can you fold the laundry some other time? Kafka is asking all of us to get
off the Express, for some reason.

prepare for trouble: probably bc shes fucking himeko

and make it double!: how the fuck do we GET OFF THE EXPRESS WE ARE IN SPACE WE
WILL DIE

Welt Yang: Not anymore.

and make it double: wait how tf are we at hss wtf just happened

Welt Yang: Warp jumps.

prepare for trouble: oh my fucking god himeko and kafka fuck even louder than remy and hepatitis
im getting off the express rn i cant

hepatitis: this is why i want to throw my brain into a washing machine

pela: hepatitis has been complaining that my food isnt fucking SPICY ENOUGH for the past 5
GODDAMN MINUTES

pela: I USED ALL THE FUCKING TABASCO IN MY PANTRY AND IM THIS

GODDAMN CLOSE TO COMMITTING A FELONY

pela: IM GOING TO BURN THIS HOUSE DOWN WHILE YOURE STILL INSIDE SEE IF ITS
SPICY ENOUGH THEN SHITBISCUIT @hepatitis
 hepatitis: i’ll go out to buy some more tabasco for you

pela: RRAAAAAAGHHHHHFGH

natasha: very nice of you to consider the preferences of your friends when you make food for them,
pela

pela: BASHING MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL

Dan Heng: @hepatitis how are you this calm while being held captive in someone else’s
basement?

hepatitis: i’ve been through worse

Dan Heng: …okay

march 7th: preservation things yk

Dan Heng: you started crying when pom-pom told you to stop standing in the express during a
warp jump

march 7th: THAT WAS ONE TIME

Dan Heng: twice, actually

march 7th: I HATE YOU

Chapter End Notes

kora if you’re reading this im sorry for always dumping random ship stuff in the fic
am i a good co author am i pulling my weight i hope im pulling my weight plz don’t
fire me -t
its ok toffee i understand the brainrot sometimes possesses us -k
 yeah
Chapter Summary

whwhdhshevdskufwh

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

hepatitis: hour 42 in pela’s basement

hepatitis: she has been blasting the subway surfers theme but sped up for the past 40 minutes

hepatitis: i smell monster energy

pela: ITS MY WRITING MUSIC

hepatitis: …great

pela: the voices speak to me

natasha: what?

serval: what are you writing

prepare for trouble: probably something about remy and hepatitis

pela: ITS NOT

and make it double!: or bronya and seele

pela: im blocking both of u

bonya: @pela is this true?

pela: haha hi bronbron how are you today

bonya: answer the question

pela: the weathers great today isnt it hahaa

✨ remy✨ : pela its obvious ur writing smut we all know u are

its ok

serval: WHAT

pela: NO I HATE WRITING SMUT IT MAKES ME CRINGE

✨ remy✨ : so youve tried

pela: IM

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wow wtf pela thats gross can you send me the link so i can block
it

pela: yeah sure wtver

pela: wait

pela: WHAT
serval: SEELE???

✨ remy✨ : LMAO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: QUIET

pela: damn seele i didnt know you were into fanfics too

serval: its the bronya part shes into actually

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: STFU ILL KILL ALL OF YOU

hepatitis: what are you guys laughing about?

hepatitis: seele just wanted to block the link, what’s wrong with that?

serval: geppie there is no way youre this clueless

serval: you cant even block links

hepatitis: then why else would she ask for it?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: oh my fucking god kill me already

serval: im not gonna explain fuck you figure it out yourself

hepatitis: ???

prepare for trouble: hey guys how do you pronounce gif

natasha: why is it always you starting the arguments

prepare for trouble: sorry

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: hi nat

natasha: hello seele

serval: jibhbkdsgakjhg3iuwygfskbhdxudgy9adsigkhasdbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

natasha: i agree

pela: gay

natasha: what?

Dan Heng: hm

march 7th: BLOODY ‘ELL THIS HEATWAVES GONNA KILL ME

prepare for trouble: SINCE WHEN WERE YOU BRITISH

pela: hatsune miku does NOT talk to british people

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: just watched remy sing the opening to the disappearance of
hatsune miku flawlessly i think i am in the presence of god himself

✨ remy✨ : FINALLY I GET SOME RESPECT IN THIS

DAMN HOUSEHOLD THAT TOOK ME A YEAR AND A HALF OF PRACTICE
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: doesnt mean that im gonna stop telling you to kys tho

✨ remy✨ : ILL TELL HIMEKO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: bitch shes not gonna do anything

himeko ☕️: if its head & shoulders youre saying kys to i understand

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thanks mom

✨ remy✨ : STOP WHY ARE U ALL SO MEAN TO ME IM

GONNA CRY

hepatitis: please don’t be too mean to remy

hepatitis: last time he got like this he started spamming my dms with sob emojis for an hour
straight

✨ remy✨ : its my coping mechanism

hepatitis: please get a better coping mechanism, my phone keeps going off during work hours

Welt Yang: *loudly clears throat*

Welt Yang: Cope harder.

march 7th: that was so powerful it burnt off all my eyebrows

Dan Heng: all? implying there’s more than 2? where are you getting these eyebrows?
march 7th: AKIVILI GIVE ME PATIENCE

✨ remy✨ : arent they dead

Dan Heng: yes, just like march’s braincells

march 7th: [rock_handbag.jpg]

march 7th: @Dan Heng i swear on akivili if you keep talking to me like that ill make you MEET
THEM

himeko ☕: my children are bonding so well smiling face with hearts emoji smiling face with hearts
emoji

and make it double!: cocaina

prepare for trouble: @himeko ☕️ wait wtf is my relationship with seele

prepare for trouble: if im your stepdaughter and you adopted seele what does that make us

himeko ☕️: thats up to reader interpretation

prepare for trouble: oh

pela: HOLD ON WAIT WTF

pela: @natasha @natasha @natasha @natasha @natasha HELP

natasha: sigh, not another one

himeko ☕️: ????

himeko ☕️: why are you guys reacting so strongly i just thought it sounded funny

pela: oh thank god

prepare for trouble: @himeko ☕️ you know what else sounded funny

prepare for trouble: the sound of the fucking express ROCKING BACK AND FORTH WTF
WERE U AND KAFKA DOING?????

himeko ☕️: SHUT UP

prepare for trouble!: POMPOM WAS HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE LIKE THE FUCKING
MUFASA SCENE

himeko ☕️: IM GROUNDING YOU

hepatitis: hour 44

serval: burger king foot lettuce

hepatitis: sips iced milk

serval: how did you go to the food stand arent you in pelas basement

hepatitis: pela gave it to me

serval: she WHAT

hepatitis: she also gave me some nice pillows, and i decorated the basement a little. I’m happy with
how it turned out

serval: @pela YOU GET AN ICED MILK FOR HEPATITIS AND NOT ME?????????? KILL
YOURSELF

pela: IVE BEEN TRYING TO GET THIS FUCKER OUT OF MY BASEMENT FOR 12 HOURS
STRAIGHT SO I FIGURED ID TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIS LACTOES INTOLERANCE

and make it double!: lack toes and taller ants

pela: blinks

natasha: @serval i’m in the overworld right now; i can get an iced milk for you, if you’d like

serval: SGDHUMARRYMEEKJDMFNVBGHRJK,M
NBGHFJDVBFDKHSLIUK.VHFGNKUFHEC HSJDBGSHJAI(*!UHNSM

natasha: i don’t know what that means, but i’ll take it as a yes

serval: I LOVE YOU

natasha: aww :)

natasha: i love you too, serval

natasha: platonically, right?

serval: uh
serval: ofc

pela: ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GAY

and make it double!: jiejie you really snuck that “marry me” in that keysmash LMAO

serval: STFU DIE

serval: also caecae can i ask you for a favor

and make it double!: ok

[ caelus, serval, silvr_wulf ]

serval: can you bash my head in with your baseball bat later i want an excuse to go to the clinic

caelus: what the fuck

caelus: im not doing that

silvr_wulf: do it 4 the girlz n the gayz

caelus: holy shit ur still here??

silvr_wulf: im here 4ever

silvr_wulf: @serval who is natasha is she pretty

serval: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER WTF

silvr_wulf: i can see every1s chat history

silvr_wulf: u should just ask her out already smh

serval: I CANTTT

silvr_ wulf: also who tf is remy and why are they this down bad 4 a liver inflammation i think they
need therapy

serval: your guess is as good as mine

silvr_wulf: fair this liver inflammation guy seems rlly boring ngl

serval: youd get along well with my friend pela

silvr_wulf: oh her

silvr_wulf: can u ask her why she writes so much smut

serval: SHE WHAT

silvr_wulf: i thought she was ur friend u didnt know??

serval: NO??????????

silvr_wulf: jk she doesnt write that much

silvr_wulf: her fanfics r rlly good tho

silvr_wulf: idk who bronya and seele are but they should just get married alrdy

serval: yeah you would reaaallllyyy get along with pela

silvr_wulf: noted

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: is lynx coming to this gc yet

serval: no

pela: why

serval: gay

pela: ok

[ landooooooo ]

servalley girl: oi lynx pelas asking why you havent joined the gc yet

touching grass: This user is currently unavailable. Please send your message after the beep.

servalley girl: shush

milkn’t: since when were voicemails over text a thing?

touching grass: they arent

milkn’t: oh

touching grass: im busy so sending that discourages gullible people from trying to text me

touching grass: also @servalley girl ill join in like 9 days maybe 8 if i really push it

servalley girl: why 9

touching grass: pela told me i have to wait until this banner or something

touching grass: im not sure what shes talking about but i trust her word

milkn’t: whatever you say

touching grass: gepards “whatever you say” count: 2

servalley girl: dont you mean hepatitis

touching grass: wHAT

milkn’t: …you’ll understand in 9 days

servalley girl: thank stelle for that one

touching grass: who??

touching grass: actually nevermind ill just ask pela

servalley girl: okay byebye lynxy

touching grass: …please dont call me that

servalley girl: YOU LET PELA CALL YOU THAT THOUGH???

touching grass: its different

servalley girl: I CANT BELIEVE THIS

servalley girl: YOURE TREATING YOUR FRIEND BETTER THAN YOUR BELOVED BIG
SISTER

servalley girl: SOBBING CRYING CURLED UP IN A BALL RN

touching grass: OKAY OKAY CALM DOWN GEEZ

touching grass: im sorry you can call me whatever its okay

touching grass: why does this matter so much to you??

servalley girl: just big sister things

milkn’t: she was like this with me as well

milkn’t: until she wasn’t

touching grass: ooookay

touching grass: anyways i gotta go now bye

servalley girl: ok bye lynxy

milkn’t: goodbye, lynx

servalley girl: why does that sound so dramatic

milkn’t: it does not

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

clara and mr. svarog!: hello everybody! ^-^

prepare for trouble: yo clara

march 7th: hastune miku

and make it double!: 起立 礼 礼 起立 着席 起立 礼 礼 着席 起立 着席 礼 礼 着席 着席 着席 起

立 礼 礼 礼 礼 礼 起立

prepare for trouble: smh where is google assistant when u need him

march 7th: i killed him

and make it double!: YOU WHAT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what the fuck does Standing upright Rei Rei standing up standing
up standing Reites standing up standing up seating seat seat standing up standing upright Rei Rei
mean

and make it double!: cocaina

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: OH YES THANK YOU VERY MUCH I AM DRIVING A CAR
OFF A CLIFF

bonya: please don’t

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: if you say so honey

✨ remy✨ : @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH please do

bonya: kill yourself

✨ remy✨ : WHAT

serval: DESERVED

pela: how insufferable do you have to be to get BRONYA to say kys holy shit

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: omfg bronya ilysm can i give you a hug can i kiss you can we get
married rn

bonya: …yes to the first two questions

bonya: don’t get me wrong - it would mean everything to me if you chose me as the woman you
want to spend the rest of your life with
bonya: it’s a little early for marriage, though, don’t you think?

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: youre right bronya youre just so smart and talented and pretty and
perfect and correct about everything all the time anyways i love you

bonya: i love you too, seele :)

prepare for trouble: seele arent u always crying about people dumping relationship stuff in the gc
wtf is THIS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: STFU KYS

pela: gay

bonya: …anyway,

bonya: @✨ remy✨ don’t keep me waiting

✨ remy✨ : IM INNOCENT

bonya: i AM the law

bonya: now, kill yourself.

bonya: that’s an order.

✨ remy✨ : HUH?????

bonya: i was joking, sorry

serval: i wish you werent

and make it double!: ピークで飛ばします Re:say→一心自制心

ノッてくてっテクノ Breaking いちぬけアガり
だめだめだめだめ クラっとしちゃう
俺の俺の俺の俺の ファッキン！

serval: DONT TRANSLATE THAT

pela: 5/10 ive seen worse

serval: you poor child

pela: PIECE OF SHIT

serval: get me an iced milk or im grounding you

natasha: i’m already getting one for you though?

pela: IM GOING TO DELETE THIS GC AND THEN MYSELF

natasha: no, you aren’t

✨ remy✨ : lol. lmao even.

natasha: @serval i have your iced milk by the way

serval: THANK YOU SO MUHC I LOVE YOU YOURE THE MOST SWEET AND KIND AND
PRETTY PERSOJ IN BELOBOG

natasha: no problem, serval :)

 hepatitis: my back hurts

pela: get a new one

hepatitis: @natasha can you give me a new back?

natasha: …no, i’m afraid i can’t

luka : why does stelle keep calling me kel omori

serval: sips iced milk

Chapter End Notes

hello guys kora and i will be going on hiatus for like a few days so have this longer
chapter to make up for it woo (we’ll be back to daily updates soon so dw!!!) -t
i moved house a few days ago and things are a little hectic rn sooooooo yeah :’)
hopefully everything calms down in the coming days lol seeya i love you all :D -k
 the belobible
Chapter Summary

DEE EN DEEEEEEEEEEE WHJASDBFGDJSAN

Chapter Notes

heres the longest chapter in this fic probably enjoy lol -k

i think the one before this was longer idk tho -t

See the end of the chapter for more notes

[ caelus, serval, silvr_wulf ]

silvr_wulf: HGSUY

silvr_wulf: GUYS

silvr_wulf: @caelus @serval @caelus @serval @caelus @serval @caelus @serval @caelus
@serval @caelus @serval @caelus @serval @caelus @serval

caelus: ???

serval: what

silvr_wulf: [perfect_acc.jpg]

silvr_wulf: I FINAYLL DID ITT

silvr_wulf: 100% ACURUACCY

silvr_wulf: IM SO HAPPY RN HOYL SHIT

caelus: ok

silvr_wulf: IM GOANNA CRY IT TOOK FUCKINGN FOREVEVR

silvr_wulf: I CNA DIE HAPPY

serval: idk what that is but im happy for you too

serval: please dont ip log me

serval: also why are you still here

silvr_wulf: its funny

silvr_wulf: do u not want me here :(((

serval: no its fine

serval: you literally turned these dms into a gc tho so thats kind of startling

silvr_wulf: sorry

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: hello fuckers its goboleb o clock

hepatitis: you could just say it’s time to play dnd

pela: OK BUT WHEN I DO SAY IT LIKE THAT HALF THE TIME NOBODY FUCKING
LISTENS

hepatitis: sorry to hear that?

pela: yeah yeah whatever lets just play dnd

hepatitis: okay

pela: so u guys see ailococ in front of u what do u do

bonya: we’re supposed to stop her from overthrowing the architects, correct?

pela: yea

serval: id let her overthrow the architects

and make it double!: because youre gay

serval: KYS

luka : punch ailococ

pela: roll

luka : 10

pela: uhh you punch her

luka : okay

pela: she runs away

luka : to where

pela: idfk

serval: wtf r we supposed to do do we just outright kill her or arrest her do we even have the
authority to do that

pela: OK FUCK YOU AILOCOC TURNS AROUND AND PUNCHES YOU IN THE FACE

pela: HOWS THAT HUH

serval: BITCH

serval: I CAST THUNDER SPELL

hepatitis: don’t

serval: SHUT UP GEPPIE YOU DONT KNOW SHIT

natasha: @serval don’t

serval: yes maam if you say so

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHIPPED

serval: NO STFU

pela: oh my fucking GOD GET BACK TO THE GAME JESUS CHRIST

prepare for trouble: yeah well its kinda hard to decide what to do when you arent telling us SHIT

pela: ok fine youre right

prepare for trouble: wait what i just wanted to argue

pela: shut up im moving the game along now

pela: okay so as you guys go to kill or capture ailococ or whatever

pela: this UGLY DEHYDRATED TALENTLESS MESSY RATTY TANGLED BLUE HAIR
HAVING ASS ANNOYING BITCH throws smoke bombs at all of you

✨ remy✨ : WTF DID I DO?????

pela: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

pela: you activated your last net markers

pela: time for a good old counterattack MOTHERFUCKER

prepare for trouble: when we save gobelob do we get to go to the ufoul uohznaix

pela: no wtf is that

Dan Heng: xianzhou luofu reversed

pela: oh

luka : stelle just introduced me to vocaloid i like it

luka : …what is gomenne gomenne

pela: OH NO

Dan Heng: hello, my throat hurts

✨ remy✨ : i have some sea water

Dan Heng: no you don’t

hepatitis: i think i have chronic back pain

and make it double!: yeah ok old man go take your meds

hepatitis: :(

pela: ibuprofen

✨ remy✨ : cant believe tomfoolery is a crime these days

shaking my ass rn

✨ remy✨ : *HEAD
✨ remy✨ : I MEANT HEAD

✨ remy✨ : SHIT

serval: basically the same thing considering how often you talk out of your ass

hepatitis: tomfoolery has always been a crime?

pela: can we PLEASE get back to the game

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yes

prepare for trouble: no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: im outside your door

Dan Heng: hello, caelus just sent me this: “are you (Mg,Fe2+)2(Mg,Fe2+)5Si8O22(OH)2”

pela: ok?? what do u want us to do abt it

serval: google asistant whats that supposed to be

Dan Heng: i’m not sure either

serval: hold on lemme look it up

serval: WHAT THE FUCK

march 7th: APOLOGY VIDEO NOW @and make it double!

and make it double!:

Dan Heng: @and make it double! to answer your question with another question, do you want me
to be?

and make it double!: WAIRT WHAT

prepare for trouble: ew

march 7th: YALL ARE SO FUCKING NASTY

Welt Yang: Please don’t make us get off the Express again.

Welt Yang: I glare at Himeko.

himeko ☕: sorry we shouldve done it somewhere else

himeko ☕️: but like blame kafka not me

march 7th: i think mr yang roleplaying just took 50 years off my lifespan

and make it double!: @Dan Heng im in my room whenever ur ready bbg

pela: IM SHITTING BRICKS GET BACK ON FUCKING TRACK YOU STUPID ASS MFS

[ caelus, serval, silvr_wulf ]

silvr_wulf: @caelus kys

caelus: WHY

serval: GO SILVR WULF

serval: hey WAIT isnt there a stellaron hunter named silver wolf or sometjing

silvr_wulf: thats me

serval: WHAT

silvr_wulf: did u just realize??

caelus: she literally mentioned kafka idk how u didnt know jiejie

serval: I THOUGHT YOUR USERNAME WAS SOME ALPHA OMEGA SHIT

silvr_wulf: KYS

serval: LMAO

silvr_wulf: thats it im leaking these msgs 2 natasha

serval: NO

silvr_wulf: jk

silvr_wulf: make a move on her alrdy tho ur taking fucking forever

serval: I CANT SHES TOO PERFECT WHAT IF I MESS UP AND SHE ENDS UP HATING ME
I DONT WANT TO LOSE SOMEONE AS AMAZINF AS HER

silvr_wulf: idk

serval: thanks

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: I SWEAR TO NANOOK IM GOING TO MURDER ALL OF YOU

pela: FOCUS. ON. THE. FUCKING. GAME.

natasha: agreed

Welt Yang: ...Nanook?

pela: IT DOESNT FUCKINF MATTWR

pela: HOW DO I GET THE POWER TO DM A DND GAME WHERE HALF OF YOU HAVE
AN ATTENTION SPAN OF 3 SECONDS

pela: FULI GIVE ME PATIENCE

pela: LAN GIVE ME STRENGTH

pela: XIPE DO SOMETHING I GUESS

pela: YAOSHI CURE MY SEVERAL MENTAL ILLNESSES

natasha: can we please focus on the dnd game now? for pela’s sake?

prepare for trouble: yes miss natasha

serval: yes miss natasha

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: yes kiss natasha

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: *miss

serval: @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH was that an order

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: what

hepatitis: my back hurts again

clara and mr. svarog!: it’s likely to be your arthritis! (⊙_⊙;)

hepatitis: …ah, yes

[ luka , toffeephi ]

toffeephi: the author just showed me what a gomenne gomenne is

toffeephi: im so sorry for you

luka : no big deal i just gotta keep grinding

luka : also who are you

toffeephi: um

toffeephi: don’t worry about it

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

natasha: so, are we playing dnd or not?

pela: yes miss natasha

pela: ok so where we

prepare for trouble: the annoying bitch throws smoke bombs at us

✨ remy✨ : whom

prepare for trouble: YOUM BITCH

✨ remy✨ : THAT WAS ONE TIMEERTYUJGTYUJGTYUJ

pela: shut up

pela: so all of you fall unconscious and the insufferable fucker takes you to natashas clinic

natasha: …no parallel character for me?

pela: idk

serval: i kiss the doctor

natasha: oh my

✨ remy✨ : HEY YOU STOLE MY IDEA FROM BACK IN

THAT TOWN WE BURNT DOWN

pela: stfu

pela: @serval roll

serval: 20

pela: WTF

and make it double!: wow jiejie

pela: @serval did you actually

serval: YES??

pela: i dont believe you

serval: IM NOT LYING

pela: WHY AM I ALWAYS THE THIRD WHEEL

prepare for trouble: first time?

march 7th: first time?

preparep for trouble: GET JINXED IDIOT

march 7th: GET JINXED IDIOT

serval: @pela @pela @pela LET ME KISS HER ALREADY

pela: hold on

[ wall breakers ]

pela: AUTHORS IS SERVAL LYING

sampo: theyre not gonna listen to u LMFAO

pela: SHUR UP ITS WORTH A SHOT

natasha: let me give it a try

natasha: authors, is serv

toffeephi: hi natasha

natasha: oh my god

toffeephi: sorry for cutting off your message nat did that startle you i didn’t mean to please forgive
me

natasha: it’s alright, don’t worry about it

kora_1: hi everyone!!!11 except sampo FUCK YOU SAMPO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

sampo: WHAT THE FUCK

kora_1: also no serval isnt lying

pela: @sampo bro,, what did you do to kora

sampo: nothing?? kora just hates me for some reason shaking my ass

sampo: WHO MADE IT SO MY AUTOCORRECT CORRECTS ASS TO ASS

pela: LMFAO

natasha: are you sure that’s autocorrect?

sampo: YES???????

pela: just say smh then smh

sampo: ugh fine sma

sampo: SMA

sampo: IM ENDING IT ALL

pela: LMFAOOO

pela: HOW THE FUCK DOES IT AUTOCORRECT SMH TOO

kora_1: smiles

sampo: what

sampo: what the fuck does that mean

kora_1: it means exactly what you think it means,

kora_1: pawn of elation.

pela: lore bomb

toffeephi: kora take your meds

kora_1: NO

toffeephi: @natasha say the thing

natasha: …doctor’s orders?

toffeephi: yes thank you

kora_1: FUCK
kora_1: im like an omnipresent being tho

natasha: doctor’s orders

toffeephi: you heard her

kora_1: nuh uh

toffeephi: okay okay let’s just leave them alone now

kora_1: fine

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: ok @serval you kiss natasha

serval: YES

and make it double!: WOO GO JIEJIE

natasha: @pela which?

serval: ohvyeah which kne

pela: the clinic natasha not natashas dnd character

serval: ill take it

the weak: ARE THERE 2 OLD WITCHES NOW

serval: CALL HER THAT ONE MORE TIME AND ILL HAVE REMY TIE YOU TO A DRONE
AGAIN

natasha: …anyway

hepatitis: @serval why’d you do that?

serval: do what

hepatitis: you know

pela: hes right actually kissing natasha did literally NOTHING for the story

✨ remy✨ : blinks

pela: STFU REMY THIS IS WHY UR QUINTUPLE DEAD

✨ remy✨ : shaking my ead

✨ remy✨ : HA FUCK YOU AUTOCORRECT I WIN

pela: ok wtevr anyways u guys meet this faction called calmwater

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wow i wonder what that name is based off

pela: shush

march 7th: can we get out of the underworld now

pela: mf you JUST got there

pela: also no the exit is blocked off

bonya: where is ailococ?

pela: uh idk

prepare for trouble: uses my plot powers to skip to the good part

pela: uses my dm powers to make you SHUT THE FUCK UP

prepare for trouble: dodges

pela: kill yourself

hepatitis: you are all arrested

serval: says who

hepatitis: …

natasha: more importantly, for what?

march 7th: illegal drug use

natasha: ???
march 7th: i know what you did

natasha: @bonya i’m being framed

bonya: @march 7th stop

march 7th: sorry

✨ remy✨ : the murders

natasha: i told you to keep that quiet, didnt i?

natasha: i mean

bonya: WHAT

serval: HUH??

natasha: uhm

natasha: runs away

pela: NATASHA WHAT

pela: actually nvm im not that surprised

serval: @bonya heyy bronbron can you give miss natasha a pardon because she let you and the
trailblazers recover in her clinic
bonya: …fine

serval: amazing thank you so much bestie

bonya: sigh

natasha: thank you too, serval

serval: no problem now can i get a kiss as repayment

and make it double!: JIEJIEEE

natasha: huh?

natasha: strange request, but… i don’t mind

serval: WAIT WHAT I DIDNT EXPECT YOU TO AGREE WAAKSJDHDGSHWGVB

natasha: i have to take care of something first, though

[ wall breakers ]

natasha: @sampo good luck.

sampo: WAHT

sampo: WAIT

sampo: PLEALSE
 [ caelus, serval, silvr_wulf ]

silvr_wulf: @serval @serval @serval TELL ME HOW IT GOES TELL ME HOW IT GOES

caelus: ME TOO WTF

caelus: ARE YOU AFTUALLY GONNA KISS HER

serval: I THINK SO????

serval: IM SO NERVOUS SJHFKSNDH

silvr_wulf: GO JIEJIE

caelus: hey shes MY jiejie

silvr_wulf: our jiejie

caelus: i can work with that

serval: my little siblings are getting along so well

Chapter End Notes

hi readers long time no see LMAO so anyway i deleted my google account last night
so everythings on a new google account woooo -k

fun fact we wrote this while we were supposed to be on hiatus (the voices told us to)

also EXTRA fun fact,, the part about kora showing me that gomenne gomenne song
was BASED OFF A TRUE STORY ITS TERRIBLE IM TRAUMATIZED DONT
SEARCH IT UP (ACTUALLY DONT) ((it’s really disturbing)) -t
 i li
Chapter Summary

servasha lovers im sorry in advance -t

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

serval: ,,,,guys

serval: the daily newspaper knows about this gc now

serval: “latest messages in the exclusive belobog group chat: i have to take care of something first,
though - natasha”

natasha: at least that message seems innocent

bonya: …seems?

pela: OKAY WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS SNITCHED TO THE NEWS AGENCY

bonya: …oh no

✨ remy✨ : wasnt me btw it was probably burger poison

whatever her name is

serval: @pela @pela @pela @pela @pela @pela DELETE THE GC NOW

pela: i cant

pela: the fic has to keep going

serval: THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

hepatitis: hold on…

hepatitis: this is an infringement of privacy, can’t we file a lawsuit?

serval: OHH FUCK YEA JUDGE SERVAL 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Welt Yang: No.

serval: youre just mad i did i better job at being a judge than you

serval: COURT IN THE ORDER

and make it double!: goddddh,,,,,, im so sdf;klepepy

✨ remy✨ : do you guys have any 15 minute meal ideas bc i

do

pela: drywall

✨ remy✨ : drywall

✨ remy✨ : jinx

pela: jinx

✨ remy✨ : kill yourself

pela: kill yourself

serval: every day i get more and more convinced that you two are related in one way or another

pela: if i were related to rem id kill him and then myself

✨ remy✨ : if i were related to pela id kill her and then myself

natasha: i’m related to sampo, do i kill both of you?

pela: WHAR

serval: mm,,fjfjm, memchanicla fever

serval: bbuubbu,,,,,btu
natatsghhhahshahaJHHQWJ1KJU;1SJNAATTATASHHSHSHAHA

hepatitis: [are_you_ok.gif]

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: remy how are you still alive what the fridge

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FUDGE

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FRICK

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHO THE FROOT LOOPS IMPLANTED AN AUTOMATIC

CENSOR WHENEVR I TRY TO CURSE

prepare for trouble: did himeko put child settings on ur phone LMAO
ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHY IS IT RANDOM

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FUNYUNS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WAIT IM GONNA TRY SOEMTHING

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FUKC

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: I BEAT THE CENSOR

prepare for trouble: not my flipping problem

prepare for trouble: oh my god

serval: seeing seele not curse is actually unsettling wtf is this turn it off @himeko ☕

serval: himeko

serval: himeeko

luka : theres a vocaloid with my namE im so happy

pela: hai guys wets pway dnd ^w^

hepatitis: i am going to jump off of a building

pela: do a flip while ur at it uwu :3

natasha: @serval do you still want that kiss?

serval:
uhhhhhHHHFHDHSDBGDHJKSMENDBFVETRFIGDNxckgbWEHQA1chgejkslmxn,cAd;NSx<z*moans*SD

hepatitis: are you okay?

pela: i saw that fucking *moans* you cant hide that shit from me im an intelligence officer alexa
play world is mine

and make it double!: 世界で一番お姫様

march 7th: WHY DID YOU ADD THE *moans* THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY NOT NEEDED

prepare for trouble: whys everyone moaning all of a sudden

pela: SHUT THE FUCK UP

✨ remy✨ : SHIT AM I NOT THE MOST INSANE ONE

ANYMORE???? I WANTED THE ATTENTION

bonya: @serval are you on any recreational drugs?

serval: no

bonya: are you sure?

serval: the onlyl drugg im on is natahsas love

bonya: …i see
natasha: huh, never heard of it before

natasha: drug code names are getting weirder and weirder nowadays

serval: qlipoth me patience

✨ remy✨ : *qlipoths you patience*

serval: GIVE. GIVE ME PATIENCE

✨ remy✨ : oh too late i already qlipothed you patience

serval: KYS REMY IM GONNA FUCKING MURDER YOU

natasha: is something wrong?

serval: qlipoth make it so this woman isnt as dense as welts fucking black hole thingy

hepatitis: …there’s no mention of the group chat in the daily newspaper, i just skimmed it a few
minutes ago

serval: oh yeah that i forgot about that

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @✨ remy✨ you never

answered my question

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: HOW THE FUKC ARE YOU ALIVE DOESNT NATASHA
WANT YOU DEAD
✨ remy✨ : yeah she killed me

✨ remy✨ : a lot

natasha: i only stopped because he promised to babysit hook for the next two weeks

hepatitis: …

and make it double!: 誰か俺を助けて

serval: "somebody help me"

and make it double!: 日本語しか話せないよ

serval: "i can only speak japanese"

prepare for trouble!: dude are you ok

and make it double!: 大丈夫じゃないよぉぉぉぉぉぉぉぉぉぉ

serval: "i'm not okayyyyyyy"

and make it double!: ねぇ丹恒

serval: "hey dan heng"

and make it double!: 俺を助けて

serval: "help me"<

Dan Heng: ??

himeko ☕: hi everyone i was away for a while what do you want @serval

serval: WHY DIDNT YOU RESPOND TO ME FOR 5 HOURS,, I HAD TO FUCKING SPAM
YOUR DMS

himeko ☕: sorry had my phone on dnd

pela: DID SOMEONE SAY DND

Dan Heng: …dnd. do not disturb

pela: RAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHH

serval: @himeko ☕️ what were you even doing you were gone for like forwver

himeko ☕: i was shopping

march 7th: i just saw himeko get on the express carrying like 5 shopping bags

march 7th: they were all completely stuffed with jackets and coats

prepare for trouble: i think we all know who she was shopping with

himeko ☕️: QUIET

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: GET RID OF MY FREAKING CENSORSHIP RIGHT THE

FLAMENCO NOW
himeko ☕️: say please

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: FLAMINGO YOU

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ok i genuinely cant take this any longer TURN IT OFF IM ON
MY KNEES

✨ remy✨ : like how you are for bronya

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i will murder you in your sleep

himeko ☕️: @ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH say please

ITS PROBOUNCED ZEELAH: please

himeko ☕️: lol no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: BEACH

luka : luka luka night fever

luka : seele are you ok

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: luka can i go borrow your phone for a sec

luka : sure

luka : KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS
serval: WHAR

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i had to get that out of my system

luka :

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: sorry luka

luka : its fine i understand

luka : like sometimes how i scream into pillows to let out some steam

natasha: @serval you still haven’t answered my question

serval: UH UHNMM HHUKJHYUIKJHU YOUO REMEMEBRBERDD??????

YESYEYSYYEYSYEYSYSHS ILOVEYOUIMNDHJSKSNDHFJDPLEASEDNJKSJK

natasha: i’ll be over soon :)

prepare for trouble: その一 いつもと違う髪形に気がつくこと (

hepatitis: please stop speaking japanese, i don’t understand any of it

and make it double!: シェパード アイ スウェア ツ ゴッド イフ ユ― ドント

シャット ザ フアック アップ アイ ウイル ラン ユウ オーバー ウイズ ア
ファッキング カー

march 7th: @Dan Heng alexa translate this

Dan Heng: sigh

Dan Heng: “gepard i swear to god if you don’t shut the fuck up will run you over with a fucking
car”

Dan Heng: caelus didn’t even bother typing it in actual japanese, it’s all just katakana

march 7th: i li

pela: ARE WE GONNA FUCKINF PLAY DND OR WHAT I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU

✨ remy✨ : calm down itll probably happen next chapter

pela: what do you mean CALM DOWN

✨ remy✨ : ???

pela: HOW DARE YOU BE REASONABLE

✨ remy✨ : WOW OK I TRY TO BE NICE ONE TIME AND

THIS IS WHAT I GET

pela: sorry

prepare for trouble: omg character development

himeko ☕️: @serval OH btw kafka got me this new console lets play through the entirety of ace
attorney

Welt Yang: …Again?

himeko ☕️: shhh

prepare for trouble: @himeko ☕️ oh so u WERE shopping with kafka

prepare for trouble: i knew it

himeko ☕️: STOP

himeko ☕️: @serval so??

serval: im gonna end it all

himeko ☕️: HUH WHY ARE YOU OKAY WHATS WRONG ☹️

serval: ill tell you later

[ caelus, serval, silvr_wulf ]

silvr_wulf: @serval @serval JIEJIE WHAT HAPPENED WHATS WRONG DID SHE NOT
GIVE U A KISS

caelus: JIEJIE???

serval: IM GONNA KMS

serval: SHE FUCKING

serval: GAVE ME
serval: ONE OF THESE

serval: [hersheys_kiss.jpg]

caelus: WHAT

silvr_wulf: UR LYING THERES NO WAY

serval: IM NOT

serval: SHE LITERALLY

serval: BROUGHT THE CANDY JAR FROM HER CLINIC

serval: SHE JUST TOOK IT OUT OF HER BAG AND HANDED THE CHOCOLATE TO ME
ALL INNOCENTLY

serval: @caelus HOW IS SHE MORE OBLIVIOUS THAN DAN HENG IM

FUCKEUFJWBDISHEJEJXIWJFLSUEBFKSJENEPWIXHDHQKDI

caelus: SOBBING RN

silvr_wulf: im so sorry for u jiejie

serval:

silvr_wulf: @caelus we need to get them together right now

 caelus: agreed

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

march 7th: just blacked out and woke up again anyways i forgot what the fuck i wanted to type
here

march 7th: [i_li.jpg]

march 7th: what the fuck did i mean when i typed i li???? I may never know

prepare for trouble: me when i li

✨ remy✨ : like if u li every tim

natasha: chapter end

Chapter End Notes

fun fact toffees devic bugged out when posting this chapter LMAO -k

^like half the chapter kept getting deleted when i posted dhshhswh maybe ao3 was
bugged

alsoalso SERVASHA LOVERS IM SORRY FOR THE TEASE HAHAH ILL MAKE
IT UP TO YOU I SWEAR -t
 ojbecftion
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

luka : the boxing tournament is today wish me luck guys

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: GL LUKA

and make it double!: hey at symbol everyone i need help with my hw

Dan Heng: you don’t even go to school

and make it double!: i meant housework i dont wanna do the dishes today

march 7th: CAELUS YOUVE MANAGED TO SKIP OUT ON DOING THE DISHES FOR A
WEEK STRAIGHT SHUT UP

and make it double!: I STILL DONT WANNA DO IT??? WHATS WRONG WITH THAT

prepare for trouble: SUCK IT UP FLIPPING BEACH

prepare for trouble: i swear to god

and make it double!: at least ive never gotten stabbed L

prepare for trouble: not yet

prepare for trouble: after marchie gets stabbed and gets her magical girl transformation its your
turn
march 7th: WAIT WHAT

prepare for trouble: its only a matter of time

Dan Heng: stelle might be right

Dan Heng: there has been a sort of… pattern

march 7th: @himeko ☕️ MOM I DONT WANNA GO TO PENACONY MAKE CAELUS GO

NOT ME

himeko ☕️: llol ahats a penoacy

himeko ☕️: penaocyy is a fuynny name

march 7th: ???

serval: majrhc seven

march 7th: are you two okay what happened

Welt Yang: Those two have been trying to play through the entire Ace Attorney series..

Welt Yang: They’ve been up for the last 50 hours straight.

natasha: WHAT

natasha: and none of you did ANYTHING to stop them???

Dan Heng: was called to the luofu

march 7th: I DIDN KNWO IM SORRY OK

and make it double: MARCH AND STELLE ARE FORCING ME TO WORK

prepare for trouble: im getting payback for himeko putting this child filter on my phone

natasha: .

prepare for trouble: PLEASE DONT MURDER ME

natasha: @himeko ☕️ @serval please come to my clinic

serval: nngghngnhnm,.....

serval: hgghghhj.,,

serval: OBJEJCITON

himeko ☕: i cal the witness to the stahndhbn

natasha: sigh

natasha: @Welt Yang can you get her to sleep?

natasha: i’ll deal with serval

Welt Yang: Understood.

himeko ☕️: NOODOSHEJWHDG

hepatitis: pela kicked me out of her basement…

✨ remy✨ : good for you

[ natasha, serval ]

natasha: you need to get some rest right now

natasha: i’m worried about you, serval

natasha: please? for me?

serval: ontly uf ypu sleep withbme babbyk girl

natasha: …fine, if that’s what it’ll take

serval: wai whatt i lvoe you natahshhw

serval: knbhfdueiks,vmnhjkoq;d.,;

natasha: i’ll be on the express soon

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: caffeine isnt enough i need to eat pure uranium

Dan Heng: don’t do that

pela: SHUT THE FUCK UP

pela: too late

pela: i majored in business i do what i want

bonya: …

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: dot dot dot

bonya: *passionately makes out with you*

pela: pull out a glock seele. do it. do it for the meme

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: moans

pela: KILLING MYSELF RN

pela: GOING TO EBAY AND BUYING A ROPE AND CHAIR

hepatitis: you don’t have a chair?

pela: im so fucking done

prepare for trouble: but your readers

pela: fuck youre right

natasha: @Welt Yang i’m outside the express, let me in

Welt Yang: Why?

Welt Yang: To clarify, it’s not like I don’t trust you. I am simply curious as to what your intentions
are.

natasha: i need to

natasha: uhm

natasha: sleep with serval

pela: WHAT

natasha: …i’ll explain later

Welt Yang: I see.

hepatitis: natasha…?

natasha: i’m not doing anything inappropriate with your sister, i promise

pela: yeah well it SEEMS A LOT LIKE IT

natasha: sigh

Welt Yang: I’ll let you two have your “alone time”.
natasha: DONT WORD IT LIKE THAT

pela: use protection

natasha: SHUT UP DJSHUWIWHDIWJQ

✨ remy✨ : why is nat typing like that you guys broke her
LOL

luka : got back from the boxing tournament i won

luka : what happened

prepare for trouble: natasha is sleeping with serval

luka :

luka : i mean whatever makes her happy

natasha: NO

serval: dhushewjdhv natashaaa

natasha has muted everyone indefinitely

[ 4stral express ]

stelle: LMAO WE STILL HAVE THIS GC

stelle added natasha to the group

natasha: DHSIDJWIDOEELDOWBDOWJFKWBDHWHRBXKWHDNSAJB

natasha has left the group

Dan Heng: caelus just told me he broke his phone while washing the dishes

march 7th: HOW

stelle: L

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

prepare for trouble has unmuted everyone

natasha: i’m tired

Dan Heng: me too

prepare for trouble: hey guys nat is offline now how do you pronounce gif

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: i will kill you

bonya: gif with a hard g

Dan Heng: oh no
march 7th: jee eye eff

pela: you lost me at J

march 7th: THATS HOW YOU PRONOUNCE G THOUGH??? STUPID ASS

pela: OH YOU WANNA FIGHT BITCH SQUARE UP

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING

serval: I LIKE CEREAL

pela: aren’t you supposed to be sleeping with natasha

hepatitis: SIGH

the weak: QUIT SCREAMING AND SHUT UP

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: wow the literal CHILD is the voice of reason this time i wonder
what that says about everyones maturity here

pela: seele kill yourself

the weak: YOU kill yourself

pela: WHAT

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: omg hook im so proud of you lets get ice cream
the weak: HELL YEAH

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: ok bye guys

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: also bronya is right AS ALWAYS

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: its gif with a hard g kys if you disagree

hepatitis: at least i don’t have to kill myself this time…?

✨ remy✨ : its jif

hepatitis: …okay

luka : i dont care what pronunciation gif has as long as everyones happy im happy

clara and mr. svarog!: i agree! ^w^

✨ remy✨ : luka that sounded like it came straight out of the

ass of predictive text no offense

hepatitis: i love you but this is not how you talk to people at all

luka : i dont like it here anymore

pela: I DID IT

pela: I COMPLETED ALL OF KATFL

pela: EVERYTHING

pela: DONE

pela: FINALLY

✨ remy✨ : ok

pela: die NOW

hepatitis: …wrong chat?

pela: wjat do you think

[ caelus, serval, silvr_wulf ]

caelus: hi guys im back i got a new phoen

serval: @caelus @silvr_wulf @caelus @silvr_wulf @caelus @silvr_wulf HELP

serval: I JUST WOKE UP

silvr_wulf: omg same

serval: WHY AM I

serval: IN BED

serval: WITH
serval: HER

caelus: WHAT

silvr_wulf: WHAT HAPPENED OMG

serval: IDK??

serval: [nat_slep.jpg]

serval: I WOKE UP AND SHES JUST NEXT TO ME WHAT JS THIS OFMWUDUWGSHWH

silvr_wulf: kiss her

serval: WHAR

silvr_wulf: u heard me

caelus: alexa play kiss the girl by samuel e wright

serval: BUT LIKE SHE CANT CONSENT I CANT DO THAT WDYMM

silvr_wulf: ur right actually

caelus: smh my head

serval: WHTA DO I DO WHATD O I DO DO I WAKE HER UP????

serval: SHE SO CUTE WHEN SHE SLEEPS THOUGHSBSBWBSVDHWND

serval: I DONT EVEN REMEMEBR ANYBING

silvr_wulf: u guys fucked

caelus: WHAT

serval: WHAT

serval: DID WE????????,,

serval: THERES NO WAY

serval: LIAR

serval: I WOUDLVEV REMEMEBRF IF WE DID YRBFUCKING LYING DISIDJWOD

silvr_wulf: yea i made that up

serval: THTS WHAT I THOGUHT SMH

silvr_wulf: sorry jiejie

serval: OIH MY FUCIKGBN GOD

caelus: wut

serval: SHE JUST

serval: ROLLED OVER

serval: AND NOW SHE S GLUSHDWBR

serval: SHES

serval: HUGGING MY ARM

serval: LIKE IM HER FUKCING PILLOW

caelus: HOLY SHIT

silvr_wulf: JIEJIE OMG

serval: IM NOT GKNNA MOVE I CANT MOVE I FUCKING CNANT I CANT WAKE HER UP

serval: DIES

caelus: damn ok

silvr_wulf: shikabane ondo de odorimashou

serval: HWAT TO DO HELP ME

caelus: go back to sleep idfk

serval: ok bye
 silvr_wulf: night

silvr_wulf: ok so how do we burn servals house down

serval: WHAT

silvr_wulf: that way u have to sleep with natasha every day from now on

serval: DONT???????)))

serval: although if you could find a way to make that happen without burning my house down that
would be great

silvr_wulf: sorry arson is all i know

serval: fuck

Chapter End Notes

servasha lovers do you forgive me now -t

arson reffecrencnee, real -k

 lynx has joined the party
Chapter Summary

LYNXYYYYY

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: i just had the weirdest fucking dream last night

pela: so it was like really late at night

pela: and i dreamed of writing a suicide note and jumping off qlipoth fort and then i woke up

prepare for trouble: follow your dreams ig

pela: shut the fUCK UP

luka : your dreams are really dark i have dreams about olms and having picnics

natasha: good morning, everyone

hepatitis: glares at you

natasha: …

hepatitis: what did you do to my sister.

natasha: nothing?

luka : couldnt beat her smile it stirred up all the media

serval: goooooood mornING CHAT

serval: caelus,,, do NOT SAY IT DO NOT SAY ANYTHING

and make it double!: meow

pela: say what is it bc you dont wanna admit you fucked nat

serval: LSTOP IT WE DID NOTHIJG????

pela: uhuh

✨ remy✨ : BRO THIS FAMILY TREES GONNA BE SO

FUCKING CONFUSING

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: thats what youre worried about?????

✨ remy✨ : you have child settings on your phone you dont

get to say shit

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: you better shut your fornicating mouth before i make you

✨ remy✨ : LMAO

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: DONT LMAO ME IM GONNA COMMIT HOMICIDE

serval: seKAIDE ICHIBAN OHIMESAMA

pela: dnugeons adn dargons nwo bfeore i klil smoebody

hepatitis: okay

pela: so where were we again

pela: @hepatitis i forgot

hepatitis: sometimes it feels like i work under you or something…

pela: you do now lmao gimme your job

hepatitis: sigh

serval: stop sighing

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: @pela we meet calmwater or smth

serval: calmwater...

pela: STFU

pela: it cant just be wildfire thats unoriginal

serval: yes it can

✨ remy✨ : wow i wonder why serval is so interested in

wildfire all of a sudden

serval: KYS

natasha: …

Dan Heng: that’s the second “…” you’ve sent so far

pela: I THINK YOU FUCKING FORGET THAT GOBOBELB IS A COMPLETE FUCKING

PARALLEL TO BELOBOG SO NO IT CANT BE CALLED WILDFIRE IDIOT

pela: DROPS MIC ONTO YOUR HEAD GIVING YOU HEAD TRAUMA NEVER ASK ME
ANYTHING AGAIN

natasha: then why am i just “natasha”?

pela: serval has me at guitarpoint thats why

serval: natasha my little meow meow

natasha: stop

hepatitis: sending this to lynx right now

serval: WAIT

[ landooooooo ]

milkn’t: @touching grass [belobog_gc_ss.jpg]

touching grass: ill be back in a day stop texting me pela

touching grass: oh wrong person

touching grass: wait WH

servalley girl: I CAN EXPLAIN

milkn’t: that’s not all

milkn’t: [nat_ss.jpg]

touching grass: WHAT DOES SHE MEAN “I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH SERVAL”

touching grass: serval what the FROSTBITE

servalley girl: STOP WE DIDNT DO ANYBRIFNFFJDHSHSH

milkn’t: i’ll have to interrogate natasha about that

servalley girl: @milkn’t you shut the fuck up RIGHT NOW before i leak your dms with remy

touching grass: who is remy im curious @milkn’t explain please preferably in detail

servalley girl: OHHH YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD LMAO

milkn’t: blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free of sin

servalley girl: wow youre blocking US before remy?? i thought you cared about your sisters smh
touching grass: crying right now ☹️☹️

milkn’t: i’m sorry, you’re unblocked now

milkn’t: you’re still blocked, though @servalley girl

servalley girl: FIGHT ME ILL FUCKING GIVE YOU BRAIN DAMAGE AGAIN

touching grass: AGAIN??

milkn’t: she kicked me in the head

touching grass: is this what group chats do to people

servalley girl: lynxy what color is dough

touching grass: white

servalley girl: SEEEEEEE LYNXY AGREES @milkn’t @milkn’t @milkn’t @milkn’t @milkn’t

milkn’t: sigh

touching grass: i just googled remy and its a fictional rat i have so many questions for you
@milkn’t

milkn’t: i plead the fifth

touching grass: are you dating a rat be honest

milkn’t: NO??

servalley girl: hes dating the equivalent of a rat

servalley girl: if not worse

touching grass: what does that mean

servalley girl: youll know when you join the gc dw

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela: im gonna be honest i have no fucking idea what happened with you guys in the underworld so
like idk where to go w this

prepare for trouble: can i dm

pela: fuck no

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: can i dm

pela: maybe

✨ remy✨ : can

pela: what do you think the answer is

✨ remy✨ : well DAMN ok you didnt need to cut me off like

that
and make it double!: make it out like it never happened and that we were nothing

clara and mr. svarog!: what does that mean? (╭ರ_•́)

serval: HI CLARAAA

clara and mr. svarog!: hi! (❁´◡`❁)

✨ remy✨ : hi

serval: you talk to clara one more time and ill duct tape your hands together

Dan Heng: why is w afraid of r?

march 7th: dandan im going to kill you do not say the punchline

Dan Heng:

hepatitis: raindrop?

Dan Heng: …

serval: you are so stupid

and make it double!: deep breaths caelus deep breaths

prepare for trouble: wow you dont immediately jump to murder anymore character development
and make it double!: is that a fucking insult

prepare for trouble: dude calm down

and make it double!: why

prepare for trouble: idk

prepare for trouble: kafkas gonna ground you again

and make it double!: THATS NOT FAI

pela: can you guys shut the fuck up i need to add lynxy

serval: yea sure

[ lynx, pela ]

pela: LYNXYYYYY

lynx: pelageya sergeyevna

pela: THE BANNER IS HERE ITS TIIIIIME

lynx: you know i still dont know what that means,,

pela: JOINJOINJOIN

lynx: uuuuugggghhhhh
lynx: alright

lynx: if you say so

[ belobog/jarilo-VI ]

pela added lynx to the group

serval: YEAAAHHHHHH

hepatitis: oh

hepatitis: hi

lynx: who are you

lynx: i dont like it here

hepatitis: @prepare for trouble now do you understand why changing my name was a bad idea?

prepare for trouble: idk man i think its funny as hell

lynx: who are these people

natasha: hello, lynx

lynx: hi what did you do to serval

natasha: sigh

and make it double!: last person in the gc gets kicked btw

lynx: what

serval: no hes joking

✨ remy✨ : yo

lynx: are you a rat i think youre a rat

✨ remy✨ : HUH??????

lynx: silence, rat

pela: btw like half the gcs gay have fun lmao

lynx: i figured

hepatitis: huh??

lynx: anyone with half a brain could figure that out gepard

lynx: i think this says a lot of things about your intelligence

hepatitis: okay, did pela teach you that?... did she also tell you my identity?

lynx: yes and yes

lynx: just a couple minutes ago actually

lynx: she also told me you’re dating an annoying obnoxious insufferable wanted criminal

lynx: way to go geppie

✨ remy✨ : HEY

lynx: keep squeaking rat man

serval: omg lynxy woke up and chose VIOLENCE

serval: so proud of you

pela: WTF SERVAL

serval: ??

pela: SINCE WHEN DO YOU CALL HER LYNXY

serval: since now BITCH

pela: FUCK YOU

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: idk who lynx is but i like them already

pela: @lynx oh yeah also the supreme guardian is in this gc

lynx: wHAT

bonya: hello

lynx: uh hi

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: omg hi honey

lynx: yeah i think i see what you mean @pela

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: shush

pela: gay

serval: dont worry lynxy bronyas pretty chill

Welt Yang: Hello.

lynx: who is this

himeko ☕: SERVAL TOLD ME THERES A NEW CHILD TO ADDD TO MY COLELCTION

lynx: oh

lynx: you heard wrong im an adult

himeko ☕: anyone younger than me = child

himeko ☕: i already collected seele and march and stelle and caelus and dan heng im eyeing
gepard rn

hepatitis: GIVE ME A BREAK PLEASE

hepatitis: I AM ON THE VERGE OF TEARS

prepare for trouble: damn

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: WHY ARENT YOU COLLECTING THE ACTUAL FUCKING
CHILDREN

himeko ☕: its funnier this way

lynx: what is going on i just came here

luka : your name also starts with l thats cool

lynx: thanks who are you

luka : luka im an underworld boxer nice to meet you

lynx: im lynx an overworld researcher

luka : i like your vibe lets be friends

lynx: okay!!

pela: GRRR HISS BARK BARK GROWL

luka : what

serval: pela shut up

pela: ok grandma

serval: GRA

serval: IM JUMPINH OFF A BRIDGE

hepatitis: my throat hurts

lynx: from what

hepatitis: no reason

pela: crying obviously

✨ remy✨ : [This message has been deleted by an admin.]

✨ remy✨ : WHAT

✨ remy✨ : WHO DID THAT

prepare for trouble: me

lynx: i went and grabbed water what happened what did remy type

serval: you sweet summer child

lynx: we talked about this serval im a grown adult

✨ remy✨ : I DIDNT TYPE ANYTHGING

ITS PRONOUNCED ZEELAH: blocked reported deleted muted kicked banned thrown off a cliff
corpse burnt to ashes and used to make bread to feed the rats in the underworld IDIOT

lynx: ok

march 7th: @himeko ☕ why did yuo mention me and dandan when only seele stelle and caelus are
your actual children

himeko ☕: oh youre my hostages

Dan Heng: okay

march 7th: wait WHAT

prepare for trouble: very dan heng to not give a fuck about anything

pela: very nice of you guys to not greet lynx AT ALL EXCEPT FOR LUKA FUCK YOU ALL

hepatitis: …?

pela: oh yea you exist

pela: sorry unfuck you

natasha: hm
pela: sorry unfuck you too

natasha: thanks, i guess

✨ remy✨ : pela can unfuck you but you know who cant

hepatitis: glares at serval

serval: I SWEAR TO GOD

natasha: WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. STOP IT

pela: uhuh

pela: [This message has been deleted by an admin.]

✨ remy✨ : [This message has been deleted by an admin.]

hepatitis: admins can delete messages??

pela: @natasha @serval YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

✨ remy✨ : [This message has been deleted by an admin.]

serval: WE DIDNT????,,,,

pela: [This message has been deleted by an admin.]

 pela: [This message has been deleted by an admin.]

natasha: PELA

pela: [This message has been deleted by an admin.]

natasha: ENOUGH.

lynx: i cant believe natasha and serval got deleted by an admin

luka : stelle told me to check out this song called ifudodoufudoidofudou

luka : what are these noises

prepare for trouble: im sorry

Chapter End Notes

hi guys -t

were so close to 1000 comments GO GO GO COMMENTERS!!!!!! (actually dont lol

my gmail is flooded w comments rn HAHAHAH) oh btw use your imagination to
figure out what the deleted messages are funniest answers win - k

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!