A Misfortune

Anton Chekhov
SOFYA PETROVNA, the wife of Lubyantsev the notary, a handsome young woman of
five-and-twenty, was walking slowly along a track that had been cleared in the wood, with
Ilyin, a lawyer who was spending the summer in the neighbourhood. It was five o'clock in
the evening. Feathery-white masses of cloud stood overhead; patches of bright blue sky
peeped out between them. The clouds stood motionless, as though they had caught in the
tops of the tall old pine-trees. It was still and sultry.

Farther on, the track was crossed by a low railway embankment on which a sentinel with a
gun was for some reason pacing up and down. Just beyond the embankment there was a
large white church with six domes and a rusty roof.

"I did not expect to meet you here," said Sofya Petrovna, looking at the ground and
prodding at the last year's leaves with the tip of her parasol, "and now I am glad we have
met. I want to speak to you seriously and once for all. I beg you, Ivan Mihalovitch, if you
really love and respect me, please make an end of this pursuit of me! You follow me about
like a shadow, you are continually looking at me not in a nice way, making love to me,
writing me strange letters, and . . . and I don't know where it's all going to end! Why, what
can come of it?"

Ilyin said nothing. Sofya Petrovna walked on a few steps and continued:

"And this complete transformation in you all came about in the course of two or three
weeks, after five years' friendship. I don't know you, Ivan Mihalovitch!"

Sofya Petrovna stole a glance at her companion. Screwing up his eyes, he was looking
intently at the fluffy clouds. His face looked angry, ill-humoured, and preoccupied, like that
of a man in pain forced to listen to nonsense.

"I wonder you don't see it yourself," Madame Lubyantsev went on, shrugging her shoulders.
"You ought to realize that it's not a very nice part you are playing. I am married; I love and
respect my husband. . . . I have a daughter . . . . Can you think all that means nothing?
Besides, as an old friend you know my attitude to family life and my views as to the
sanctity of marriage."

Ilyin cleared his throat angrily and heaved a sigh.

"Sanctity of marriage . . ." he muttered. "Oh, Lord!"

Yes, yes. . . . I love my husband, I respect him; and in any case I value the peace of my
home. I would rather let myself be killed than be a cause of unhappiness to Andrey and his
daughter. . . . And I beg you, Ivan Mihalovitch, for God's sake, leave me in peace! Let us be
as good, true friends as we used to be, and give up these sighs and groans, which really
don't suit you. It's settled and over! Not a word more about it. Let us talk of something
else."
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Sofya Petrovna again stole a glance at Ilyin's face. Ilyin was looking up; he was pale, and
was angrily biting his quivering lips. She could not understand why he was angry and why
he was indignant, but his pallor touched her.

"Don't be angry; let us be friends," she said affectionately. "Agreed? Here's my hand."

Ilyin took her plump little hand in both of his, squeezed it, and slowly raised it to his lips.

"I am not a schoolboy," he muttered. "I am not in the least tempted by friendship with the
woman I love."

"Enough, enough! It's settled and done with. We have reached the seat; let us sit down."

Sofya Petrovna's soul was filled with a sweet sense of relief: the most difficult and delicate
thing had been said, the painful question was settled and done with. Now she could breathe
freely and look Ilyin straight in the face. She looked at him, and the egoistic feeling of the
superiority of the woman over the man who loves her, agreeably flattered her. It pleased her
to see this huge, strong man, with his manly, angry face and his big black beard -- clever,
cultivated, and, people said, talented -- sit down obediently beside her and bow his head
dejectedly. For two or three minutes they sat without speaking.

"Nothing is settled or done with," began Ilyin. "You repeat copy-book maxims to me. 'I love
and respect my husband . . . the sanctity of marriage. . . .' I know all that without your help,
and I could tell you more, too. I tell you truthfully and honestly that I consider the way I am
behaving as criminal and immoral. What more can one say than that? But what's the good
of saying what everybody knows? Instead of feeding nightingales with paltry words, you
had much better tell me what I am to do."

"I've told you already -- go away."

"As you know perfectly well, I have gone away five times, and every time I turned back on
the way. I can show you my through tickets -- I've kept them all. I have not will enough to
run away from you! I am struggling. I am struggling horribly; but what the devil am I good
for if I have no backbone, if I am weak, cowardly! I can't struggle with Nature! Do you
understand? I cannot! I run away from here, and she holds on to me and pulls me back.
Contemptible, loathsome weakness!"

Ilyin flushed crimson, got up, and walked up and down by the seat.

"I feel as cross as a dog," he muttered, clenching his fists. "I hate and despise myself! My
God! like some depraved schoolboy, I am making love to another man's wife, writing
idiotic letters, degrading myself . . . ugh!"

Ilyin clutched at his head, grunted, and sat down. "And then your insincerity!" he went on
bitterly. "If you do dislike my disgusting behaviour, why have you come here? What drew
you here? In my letters I only ask you for a direct, definite answer -- yes or no; but instead
of a direct answer, you contrive every day these 'chance' meetings with me and regale me
with copy-book maxims!"
Madame Lubyantsev was frightened and flushed. She suddenly felt the awkwardness which
a decent woman feels when she is accidentally discovered undressed.

"You seem to suspect I am playing with you," she muttered. "I have always given you a
direct answer, and . . . only today I've begged you . . ."

"Ough! as though one begged in such cases! If you were to say straight out 'Get away,' I
should have been gone long ago; but you've never said that. You've never once given me a
direct answer. Strange indecision! Yes, indeed; either you are playing with me, or else . . ."

Ilyin leaned his head on his fists without finishing. Sofya Petrovna began going over in her
own mind the way she had behaved from beginning to end. She remembered that not only
in her actions, but even in her secret thoughts, she had always been opposed to Ilyin's love-
making; but yet she felt there was a grain of truth in the lawyer's words. But not knowing
exactly what the truth was, she could not find answers to make to Ilyin's complaint,
however hard she thought. It was awkward to be silent, and, shrugging her shoulders, she
said:

So I am to blame, it appears."

"I don't blame you for your insincerity," sighed Ilyin. "I did not mean that when I spoke of
it. . . . Your insincerity is natural and in the order of things. If people agreed together and
suddenly became sincere, everything would go to the devil."

Sofya Petrovna was in no mood for philosophical reflections, but she was glad of a chance
to change the conversation, and asked:

"But why?"

"Because only savage women and animals are sincere. Once civilization has introduced a
demand for such comforts as, for instance, feminine virtue, sincerity is out of place. . . ."

Ilyin jabbed his stick angrily into the sand. Madame Lubyantsev listened to him and liked
his conversation, though a great deal of it she did not understand. What gratified her most
was that she, an ordinary woman, was talked to by a talented man on "intellectual" subjects;
it afforded her great pleasure, too, to watch the working of his mobile, young face, which
was still pale and angry. She failed to understand a great deal that he said, but what was
clear to her in his words was the attractive boldness with which the modern man without
hesitation or doubt decides great questions and draws conclusive deductions.

She suddenly realized that she was admiring him, and was alarmed.

"Forgive me, but I don't understand," she said hurriedly. "What makes you talk of
insincerity? I repeat my request again: be my good, true friend; let me alone! I beg you most
earnestly!"

"Very good; I'll try again," sighed Ilyin. "Glad to do my best. . . . Only I doubt whether
anything will come of my efforts. Either I shall put a bullet through my brains or take to
drink in an idiotic way. I shall come to a bad end! There's a limit to everything -- to
struggles with Nature, too. Tell me, how can one struggle against madness? If you drink
wine, how are you to struggle against intoxication? What am I to do if your image has
grown into my soul, and day and night stands persistently before my eyes, like that pine
there at this moment? Come, tell me, what hard and difficult thing can I do to get free from
this abominable, miserable condition, in which all my thoughts, desires, and dreams are no
longer my own, but belong to some demon who has taken possession of me? I love you,
love you so much that I am completely thrown out of gear; I've given up my work and all
who are dear to me; I've forgotten my God! I've never been in love like this in my life."

Sofya Petrovna, who had not expected such a turn to their conversation, drew away from
Ilyin and looked into his face in dismay. Tears came into his eyes, his lips were quivering,
and there was an imploring, hungry expression in his face.

"I love you!" he muttered, bringing his eyes near her big, frightened eyes. "You are so
beautiful! I am in agony now, but I swear I would sit here all my life, suffering and looking
in your eyes. But . . . be silent, I implore you!"

Sofya Petrovna, feeling utterly disconcerted, tried to think as quickly as possible of

something to say to stop him. "I'll go away," she decided, but before she had time to make a
movement to get up, Ilyin was on his knees before her. . . . He was clasping her knees,
gazing into her face and speaking passionately, hotly, eloquently. In her terror and
confusion she did not hear his words; for some reason now, at this dangerous moment,
while her knees were being agreeably squeezed and felt as though they were in a warm
bath, she was trying, with a sort of angry spite, to interpret her own sensations. She was
angry that instead of brimming over with protesting virtue, she was entirely overwhelmed
with weakness, apathy, and emptiness, like a drunken man utterly reckless; only at the
bottom of her soul a remote bit of herself was malignantly taunting her: "Why don't you go?
Is this as it should be? Yes?"

Seeking for some explanation, she could not understand how it was she did not pull away
the hand to which Ilyin was clinging like a leech, and why, like Ilyin, she hastily glanced to
right and to left to see whether any one was looking. The clouds and the pines stood
motionless, looking at them severely, like old ushers seeing mischief, but bribed not to tell
the school authorities. The sentry stood like a post on the embankment and seemed to be
looking at the seat.

"Let him look," thought Sofya Petrovna.

"But . . . but listen," she said at last, with despair in her voice. "What can come of this?
What will be the end of this?"

"I don't know, I don't know," he whispered, waving off the disagreeable questions.

They heard the hoarse, discordant whistle of the train. This cold, irrelevant sound from the
everyday world of prose made Sofya Petrovna rouse herself.

"I can't stay . . . it's time I was at home," she said, getting up quickly. "The train is coming
in. . . Andrey is coming by it! He will want his dinner."
Sofya Petrovna turned towards the embankment with a burning face. The engine slowly
crawled by, then came the carriages. It was not the local train, as she had supposed, but a
goods train. The trucks filed by against the background of the white church in a long string
like the days of a man's life, and it seemed as though it would never end.

But at last the train passed, and the last carriage with the guard and a light in it had
disappeared behind the trees. Sofya Petrovna turned round sharply, and without looking at
Ilyin, walked rapidly back along the track. She had regained her self-possession. Crimson
with shame, humiliated not by Ilyin -- no, but by her own cowardice, by the shamelessness
with which she, a chaste and high-principled woman, had allowed a man, not her husband,
to hug her knees -- she had only one thought now: to get home as quickly as possible to her
villa, to her family. The lawyer could hardly keep pace with her. Turning from the clearing
into a narrow path, she turned round and glanced at him so quickly that she saw nothing but
the sand on his knees, and waved to him to drop behind.

Reaching home, Sofya Petrovna stood in the middle of her room for five minutes without
moving, and looked first at the window and then at her writing-table.

"You low creature!" she said, upbraiding herself. "You low creature!"

To spite herself, she recalled in precise detail, keeping nothing back -- she recalled that
though all this time she had been opposed to Ilyin's lovemaking, something had impelled
her to seek an interview with him; and what was more, when he was at her feet she had
enjoyed it enormously. She recalled it all without sparing herself, and now, breathless with
shame, she would have liked to slap herself in the face.

"Poor Andrey!" she said to herself, trying as she thought of her husband to put into her face
as tender an expression as she could. "Varya, my poor little girl, doesn't know what a
mother she has! Forgive me, my dear ones! I love you so much . . . so much!"

And anxious to prove to herself that she was still a good wife and mother, and that
corruption had not yet touched that "sanctity of marriage" of which she had spoken to Ilyin,
Sofya Petrovna ran to the kitchen and abused the cook for not having yet laid the table for
Andrey Ilyitch. She tried to picture her husband's hungry and exhausted appearance,
commiserated him aloud, and laid the table for him with her own hands, which she had
never done before. Then she found her daughter Varya, picked her up in her arms and
hugged her warmly; the child seemed to her cold and heavy, but she was unwilling to
acknowledge this to herself, and she began explaining to the child how good, kind, and
honourable her papa was.

But when Andrey Ilyitch arrived soon afterwards she hardly greeted him. The rush of false
feeling had already passed off without proving anything to her, only irritating and
exasperating her by its falsity. She was sitting by the window, feeling miserable and cross.
It is only by being in trouble that people can understand how far from easy it is to be the
master of one's feelings and thoughts. Sofya Petrovna said afterwards that there was a
tangle within her which it was as difficult to unravel as to count a flock of sparrows rapidly
flying by. From the fact that she was not overjoyed to see her husband, that she did not like
his manner at dinner, she concluded all of a sudden that she was beginning to hate her
husband

Andrey Ilyitch, languid with hunger and exhaustion, fell upon the sausage while waiting for
the soup to be brought in, and ate it greedily, munching noisily and moving his temples.

"My goodness!" thought Sofya Petrovna. "I love and respect him, but . . . why does he
munch so repulsively?"

The disorder in her thoughts was no less than the disorder in her feelings. Like all persons
inexperienced in combating unpleasant ideas, Madame Lubyantsev did her utmost not to
think of her trouble, and the harder she tried the more vividly Ilyin, the sand on his knees,
the fluffy clouds, the train, stood out in her imagination.

"And why did I go there this afternoon like a fool?" she thought, tormenting herself. "And
am I really so weak that I cannot depend upon myself?"

Fear magnifies danger. By the time Andrey Ilyitch was finishing the last course, she had
firmly made up her mind to tell her husband everything and to flee from danger!

"I've something serious to say to you, Andrey," she began after dinner while her husband
was taking off his coat and boots to lie down for a nap.

"Well?"

"Let us leave this place!"

" H'm! . . . Where shall we go? It's too soon to go back to town."

"No; for a tour or something of that sort.

"For a tour . . ." repeated the notary, stretching. "I dream of that myself, but where are we to
get the money, and to whom am I to leave the office?"

And thinking a little he added:

"Of course, you must be bored. Go by yourself if you like."

Sofya Petrovna agreed, but at once reflected that Ilyin would be delighted with the
opportunity, and would go with her in the same train, in the same compartment. . . . She
thought and looked at her husband, now satisfied but still languid. For some reason her eyes
rested on his feet -- miniature, almost feminine feet, clad in striped socks; there was a
thread standing out at the tip of each sock.

Behind the blind a bumble-bee was beating itself against the window-pane and buzzing.
Sofya Petrovna looked at the threads on the socks, listened to the bee, and pictured how she
would set off. . . . vis-à-vis Ilyin would sit, day and night, never taking his eyes off her,
wrathful at his own weakness and pale with spiritual agony. He would call himself an
immoral schoolboy, would abuse her, tear his hair, but when darkness came on and the
passengers were asleep or got out at a station, he would seize the opportunity to kneel
before her and embrace her knees as he had at the seat in the wood. . . .

She caught herself indulging in this day-dream.

"Listen. I won't go alone," she said. "You must come with me."

"Nonsense, Sofotchka!" sighed Lubyantsev. "One must be sensible and not want the
impossible."

"You will come when you know all about it," thought Sofya Petrovna.

Making up her mind to go at all costs, she felt that she was out of danger. Little by little her
ideas grew clearer; her spirits rose and she allowed herself to think about it all, feeling that
however much she thought, however much she dreamed, she would go away. While her
husband was asleep, the evening gradually came on. She sat in the drawing-room and
played the piano. The greater liveliness out of doors, the sound of music, but above all the
thought that she was a sensible person, that she had surmounted her difficulties, completely
restored her spirits. Other women, her appeased conscience told her, would probably have
been carried off their feet in her position, and would have lost their balance, while she had
almost died of shame, had been miserable, and was now running out of the danger which
perhaps did not exist! She was so touched by her own virtue and determination that she
even looked at herself two or three times in the looking-glass.

When it got dark, visitors arrived. The men sat down in the dining-room to play cards; the
ladies remained in the drawing-room and the verandah. The last to arrive was Ilyin. He was
gloomy, morose, and looked ill. He sat down in the corner of the sofa and did not move the
whole evening. Usually good-humoured and talkative, this time he remained silent,
frowned, and rubbed his eyebrows. When he had to answer some question, he gave a forced
smile with his upper lip only, and answered jerkily and irritably. Four or five times he made
some jest, but his jests sounded harsh and cutting. It seemed to Sofya Petrovna that he was
on the verge of hysterics. Only now, sitting at the piano, she recognized fully for the first
time that this unhappy man was in deadly earnest, that his soul was sick, and that he could
find no rest. For her sake he was wasting the best days of his youth and his career, spending
the last of his money on a summer villa, abandoning his mother and sisters, and, worst of
all, wearing himself out in an agonizing struggle with himself. From mere common
humanity he ought to be treated seriously.

She recognized all this clearly till it made her heart ache, and if at that moment she had
gone up to him and said to him, "No," there would have been a force in her voice hard to
disobey. But she did not go up to him and did not speak -- indeed, never thought of doing
so. The pettiness and egoism of youth had never been more patent in her than that evening.
She realized that Ilyin was unhappy, and that he was sitting on the sofa as though he were
on hot coals; she felt sorry for him, but at the same time the presence of a man who loved
her to distraction, filled her soul with triumph and a sense of her own power. She felt her
youth, her beauty, and her unassailable virtue, and, since she had decided to go away, gave
herself full licence for that evening. She flirted, laughed incessantly, sang with peculiar
feeling and gusto. Everything delighted and amused her. She was amused at the memory of
what had happened at the seat in the wood, of the sentinel who had looked on. She was
amused by her guests, by Ilyin's cutting jests, by the pin in his cravat, which she had never
noticed before. There was a red snake with diamond eyes on the pin; this snake struck her
as so amusing that she could have kissed it on the spot.

Sofya Petrovna sang nervously, with defiant recklessness as though half intoxicated, and
she chose sad, mournful songs which dealt with wasted hopes, the past, old age, as though
in mockery of another's grief. " 'And old age comes nearer and nearer' . . ." she sang. And
what was old age to her?

"It seems as though there is something going wrong with me," she thought from time to
time through her laughter and singing.

The party broke up at twelve o'clock. Ilyin was the last to leave. Sofya Petrovna was still
reckless enough to accompany him to the bottom step of the verandah. She wanted to tell
him that she was going away with her husband, and to watch the effect this news would
produce on him.

The moon was hidden behind the clouds, but it was light enough for Sofya Petrovna to see
how the wind played with the skirts of his overcoat and with the awning of the verandah.
She could see, too, how white Ilyin was, and how he twisted his upper lip in the effort to
smile.

"Sonia, Sonitchka . . . my darling woman!" he muttered, preventing her from speaking. "My
dear! my sweet!"

In a rush of tenderness, with tears in his voice, he showered caressing words upon her, that
grew tenderer and tenderer, and even called her "thou," as though she were his wife or
mistress. Quite unexpectedly he put one arm round her waist and with the other hand took
hold of her elbow.

"My precious! my delight!" he whispered, kissing the nape of her neck; "be sincere; come
to me at once!"

She slipped out of his arms and raised her head to give vent to her indignation and anger,
but the indignation did not come off, and all her vaunted virtue and chastity was only
sufficient to enable her to utter the phrase used by all ordinary women on such occasions:

"You must be mad."

"Come, let us go," Ilyin continued. "I felt just now, as well as at the seat in the wood, that
you are as helpless as I am, Sonia. . . . You are in the same plight! You love me and are
fruitlessly trying to appease your conscience. . . ."

Seeing that she was moving away, he caught her by her lace cuff and said rapidly:

"If not today, then tomorrow you will have to give in! Why, then, this waste of time? My
precious, darling Sonia, the sentence is passed; why put off the execution? Why deceive
yourself?"

Sofya Petrovna tore herself from him and darted in at the door. Returning to the drawing-
room, she mechanically shut the piano, looked for a long time at the music-stand, and sat
down. She could not stand up nor think. All that was left of her excitement and recklessness
was a fearful weakness, apathy, and dreariness. Her conscience whispered to her that she
had behaved badly, foolishly, that evening, like some madcap girl -- that she had just been
embraced on the verandah, and still had an uneasy feeling in her waist and her elbow. There
was not a soul in the drawing-room; there was only one candle burning. Madame
Lubyantsev sat on the round stool before the piano, motionless, as though expecting
something. And as though taking advantage of the darkness and her extreme lassitude, an
oppressive, overpowering desire began to assail her. Like a boa-constrictor it gripped her
limbs and her soul, and grew stronger every second, and no longer menaced her as it had
done, but stood clear before her in all its nakedness.

She sat for half an hour without stirring, not restraining herself from thinking of Ilyin, then
she got up languidly and dragged herself to her bedroom. Andrey Ilyitch was already in bed.
She sat down by the open window and gave herself up to desire. There was no "tangle" now
in her head; all her thoughts and feelings were bent with one accord upon a single aim. She
tried to struggle against it, but instantly gave it up. . . . She understood now how strong and
relentless was the foe. Strength and fortitude were needed to combat him, and her birth, her
education, and her life had given her nothing to fall back upon.

"Immoral wretch! Low creature!" she nagged at herself for her weakness. "So that's what
you're like!"

Her outraged sense of propriety was moved to such indignation by this weakness that she
lavished upon herself every term of abuse she knew, and told herself many offensive and
humiliating truths. So, for instance, she told herself that she never had been moral, that she
had not come to grief before simply because she had had no opportunity, that her inward
conflict during that day had all been a farce. . . .

"And even if I have struggled," she thought, "what sort of struggle was it? Even the woman
who sells herself struggles before she brings herself to it, and yet she sells herself. A fine
struggle! Like milk, I've turned in a day! In one day!"

She convicted herself of being tempted, not by feeling, not by Ilyin personally, but by
sensations which awaited her . . . an idle lady, having her fling in the summer holidays, like
so many!

" 'Like an unfledged bird when the mother has been slain,' " sang a husky tenor outside the
window.

"If I am to go, it's time," thought Sofya Petrovna. Her heart suddenly began beating
violently.

"Andrey!" she almost shrieked. "Listen! we . . . we are going? Yes?"

"Yes, I've told you already: you go alone."

"But listen," she began. "If you don't go with me, you are in danger of losing me. I believe I
am . . . in love already."
"With whom?" asked Andrey Ilyitch.

"It can't make any difference to you who it is!" cried Sofya Petrovna.

Andrey Ilyitch sat up with his feet out of bed and looked wonderingly at his wife's dark
figure.

"It's a fancy!" he yawned.

He did not believe her, but yet he was frightened. After thinking a little and asking his wife
several unimportant questions, he delivered himself of his opinions on the family, on
infidelity . . . spoke listlessly for about ten minutes and got into bed again. His moralizing
produced no effect. There are a great many opinions in the world, and a good half of them
are held by people who have never been in trouble!

In spite of the late hour, summer visitors were still walking outside. Sofya Petrovna put on a
light cape, stood a little, thought a little. . . . She still had resolution enough to say to her
sleeping husband:

"Are you asleep? I am going for a walk. . . . Will you come with me?"

That was her last hope. Receiving no answer, she went out. . . . It was fresh and windy. She
was conscious neither of the wind nor the darkness, but went on and on. . . . An
overmastering force drove her on, and it seemed as though, if she had stopped, it would
have pushed her in the back.

"Immoral creature!" she muttered mechanically. "Low wretch!"

She was breathless, hot with shame, did not feel her legs under her, but what drove her on
was stronger
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