Cha pte r Thr e e

The Three Mentors

"The mediocre mentor tells. The good

mentor explains. The greatest mentors
inspire."
—Lucia Ballas-Traynor

CREATING THE EXPERIENCE means creating a clear mental

picture of the compelling future that you want to step into—a picture that
engages, excites, and motivates you. This step is essential. It is the
foundation of accountability, and it takes practice.

Creating the Experience is the foundation of accountability, and it takes

practice. For most of us, it also takes outside help.

What I have noticed over the years, in working as an accountability

advisor and consultant for both teams and individuals, is that most people—
not all, but most—need a little help with this critical initial step. For the
vast majority of us, learning to create the Experience does not come
naturally, and mastering this step means enlisting the help and guidance of a
mentor.
 Not only that—once we have set the Experience once or twice, we may
still need a little help from a mentor. This is true for people with deep
experience in accountability, and it is certainly true for those just learning
the process. Why is this so? Because we do not know what we are truly
capable of. We are deeply limited by our own sense of what is possible in
our lives. So we create, and step into, an Experience that limits us, rather
than one that expands our horizons and our capacity to contribute.
Here is one of my favorite examples of how people create a limited
Experience, one that does not reflect what they are truly capable of.
In the years immediately following World War II, a young Navy
lieutenant, who had been badly injured in the war and who had a deep
aversion to public speaking, was persuaded by his family to run for
Congress. He was, however, deeply skeptical about his own campaign. The
Navy man insisted that he was not cut out for politics, because he
considered himself a terrible public speaker. He told people repeatedly that
this was the case. That was him creating a limited Experience for himself
and everyone in his circle.

All too often, we create a limited experience for ourselves and those in our
circle.

With the help of a mentor who insisted that he had the potential to
become not just a good, but a great public speaker, the young Navy veteran
began to practice and improve. His early speeches were awkward. But as he
received coaching from his mentor, he learned to draw his audience in,
modulate his voice, pose questions and leave them unanswered for a while,
and tell true stories about his own experiences in the war in a way that
touched people’s hearts.
His mentor helped him every step of the way. As a result, the young
man’s confidence grew, and he began to envision himself as a great public
speaker—which, it turned out, he was!
 That was the future his mentor helped him to envision and step into.
That was the Experience the young man ultimately chose to set for himself.
He would not have chosen it for himself, or even believed it to be possible,
without the prompting of his mentor.
The young Congressional candidate’s name was John F. Kennedy. His
mentor was his father, Joe. John F. Kennedy won, not only that race for
Congress, but every election in which he competed. Along the way, he
earned a well-deserved reputation as one of the truly great orators of the
twentieth century. And he did it with the help of a mentor.
Here is how Kennedy’s sister, Eunice, recalls the working relationship
between the two men: "Many a night when [Kennedy] would come over to
see Daddy after a speech, he’d be feeling rather down, admitting that the
speech hadn’t really gone very well or believing that his delivery had put
the people in the front row fast asleep. ‘What do you mean?’ Father would
immediately ask. ‘Why I talked to Mr. X and Mrs. Y on the phone right
after they got home and they told me they were sitting right in the front row
and that it was a fine speech.’ …Father would go on to elicit from Jack what
he thought he could change to make it better next time. I can still see the
two of them sitting together, analyzing the entire speech and talking about
the pace of delivery."1
What were they focused on? A new future; a new, improved experience:
how to make it better next time. This is what creating the Experience looks
like in action. We break through preconceptions and self-imposed barriers.
Creating the Experience is transformative because we learn from setbacks
and recalibrate based on what we have learned from them.
Choosing the Experience we want sets us on the path to the future we
want to live. And learning to make that choice is essential if we aim to
make a lasting positive impact on our own life and the lives of others.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF CHOOSING AND CREATING A

POWERFUL EXPERIENCE
 Coincidentally, in the very same year, 1946, a fateful conversation took
place between another young man and his mentor. This conversation led to
another, even more powerful instance of two people creating a new future
and a new, improved Experience. It took place in Brooklyn, New York,
between Brooklyn Dodgers president Branch Rickey and Negro leagues star
Jackie Robinson.
Now, I realize that you may already be familiar with the broad outlines
of the story of Jackie Robinson, the brave and brilliant athlete who in 1947,
a year after this discussion, became the first African American to play in
Major League Baseball since the 1880s. Most people know who Robinson
was and how huge a story his rise to the big leagues was. I have a question
for you, though: What Experience do you think Robinson chose, and began
to step into, on that day in 1946 when he first met with Rickey in Rickey’s
Brooklyn office? What future were they creating together?
You might be tempted to say, "Getting into the major leagues, and
thereby breaking the color barrier." That would be an incomplete answer. It
would not be technically wrong. But it would not match up with the reality
of either man’s life and choices and sacrifices. And it would not accurately
describe the future they envisioned.
Both Robinson and Rickey were aiming much, much higher than simply
getting a Black man on a big-league roster. Each man knew that integrating
baseball was a crucial psychological milestone for the United States as a
whole. Each man knew just how daunting the job would be. Each man
knew the devastating impact on the country as a whole, and on African
Americans specifically, if Rickey’s gambit failed. Each man also knew that
that was exactly what the vast majority of big-league owners, players, and
power brokers wanted when it came to integrating baseball, and integrating
America as a whole: failure.
A very brief overview of the personal history of each man is in order
here. Rickey had been quietly laying the groundwork for the desegregation
of Brooklyn’s rosters for at least four years, because he had been sickened
for decades by his own first-hand observations of racism, both on the field
and off. While managing the Ohio Wesleyan University team in 1904,
Rickey watched in disgust as a Black player, Charles Thomas, was reduced
to tears at being refused a room in the hotel where the rest of the team was
staying. Although Rickey managed to circumvent the rules to get Thomas
into the hotel that night, the incident stayed with Rickey. He was later
quoted as saying, "I may not be able to do something about racism in every
field, but I can sure do something about it in baseball." Rickey also said: "It
is not the honor that you take with you, but the heritage you leave behind,
that matters." And: "Ethnic prejudice has no place in sports, and baseball
must recognize that truth if it is to maintain stature as a national game."
I take from all of these observations that Rickey knew full well that
integrating the major leagues with a single man was only a stepping-stone
to progress in combating racism across America, and that that possibility,
not one man’s career advancement, was actually what he was creating in his
fateful discussion with Robinson.
What about Robinson? Although most people are aware of his
extraordinary prowess as an athlete, few know about his history of civil
rights work, which was, after his athletic accomplishments, probably the
most remarkable thing about him as he sat down for that fateful meeting
with Rickey in 1946. While in the Army, Robinson and boxing legend Joe
Louis had joined forces to lobby the military bureaucracy to approve their
applications to Officer Candidate School; they succeeded and thereby paved
the way for countless other Black servicemen to join that program. Then, in
1944—a decade before Rosa Parks made headlines in Alabama for the same
act of civil disobedience—Robinson refused to move to the back of a
military bus when ordered to do so. He was court-martialed, but eventually
acquitted, in a landmark case.
Let me mention here, too, the salient facts that both men considered
themselves devout Christians and that both men saw their potential baseball
alliance as a fulfillment of their spiritual calling. Their actions aligned with
their stated beliefs!
There came a point during that historic conversation at Rickey’s Ebbets
Field office when the Brooklyn general manager insisted forcefully that he
was looking for a ballplayer with the courage not to fight back—a
requirement that gave Robinson, a proud, competitive, and deeply self-
sufficient man, pause. Rickey, who had done his homework, knew that
Robinson had a long history of challenging authority figures he considered
racist. According to one source, Rickey looked Robinson in the eye at this
point in the discussion and said: "Jackie, we’ve got no army. There’s
virtually nobody on our side. No owners, no umpires, very few
newspapermen. And I’m afraid that many fans will be hostile. We’ll be in a
tough position. We can win only if we can convince the world that I’m
doing this because you’re a great ballplayer, a fine gentleman." He then
asked Robinson to agree not to fight back when abused…for (three) years.
This request pushed Robinson well beyond his comfort zone.

Mentors know when to push you beyond your comfort zone.

After a long moment of thought, Jackie Robinson agreed to turn the

other cheek. For three years. He promised Rickey that there would be no
incidents. He kept that promise, not for himself, but for the country and for
countless people, some of whom had not yet been born, who deserved
better than hatred and racism.
These men were out to create an environment where African Americans
could be seen as the equals of other Americans—where they could compete
fairly, be judged on their abilities, and be rewarded for their
accomplishments. In Steve Jobs’s famous phrase, they were out to make a
ding in the universe. An end to officially sanctioned racial prejudice was the
Experience they were stepping into. And they were willing to literally risk
their lives to make it happen.
Rickey and Robinson both knew full well that they would receive death
threats by embarking together on the path that they were committing to.
(Indeed, both did receive hundreds of such threats.) They knew that it took
only one violent racist lunatic to end one or both of their lives. And they
each decided to create the future they envisioned anyway. They chose and
created that future for others, not for themselves, not for any short-term
gain, but out of a long-term purpose, one based upon the shared values of
faith, equity, and justice.

Create a future that benefits others, not just yourself.

MALALA’S MOMENT OF TRUTH

After writing the section you just read, I challenged myself to think of a
true story that exceeded the impact of Jackie Robinson’s, a story about
someone who had shown even deeper courage when it came to moving out
of their comfort zone and taking decisive action when face to face with a
Moment of Truth.
It took a while, but I did find such a story: the remarkable life’s journey
of a young woman from Pakistan you may have heard of—Malala
Yousafzai. Often simply referred to as Malala, she is an internationally
renowned activist and the youngest recipient of the Nobel Prize in the long
history of that award. She received it when she was just seventeen. (She
was also nominated for the International Children’s Peace Prize when she
was thirteen years old.)
Malala is an accomplished writer, so I will let her speak for herself.
I was born in Mingora, Pakistan on July 12, 1997. Welcoming a baby girl is not
always cause for celebration in Pakistan — but my father, Ziauddin Yousafzai,
was determined to give me every opportunity a boy would have.
My father was a teacher and ran a girls’ school in our village. I loved school.
But everything changed when the Taliban took control of our town in Swat
Valley. The extremists banned many things — like owning a television and
playing music — and enforced harsh punishments for those who defied their
orders. And they said girls could no longer go to school.
I spoke out publicly on behalf of girls and our right to learn. And this made me
a target.
In October 2012, on my way home from school, a masked gunman boarded
my school bus and asked, "Who is Malala?" He shot me on the left side of my
head.
 I woke up 10 days later in a hospital in Birmingham, England. The doctors and
nurses told me about the attack — and that people around the world were
praying for my recovery.
After months of surgeries and rehabilitation, I joined my family in our new
home in the U.K. It was then I knew I had a choice: I could live a quiet life or I
could make the most of this new life I had been given. I determined to
continue my fight until every girl could go to school.
With my father, who has always been my ally and inspiration, I established
Malala Fund, a charity dedicated to giving every girl an opportunity to achieve
a future she chooses. In recognition of our work, I received the Nobel Peace
Prize in December 2014 and became the youngest-ever Nobel laureate.2

That, I believe, is the textbook example of what an accountable

response to a Moment of Truth looks like. Faced with the choice of "living
a quiet life" following a near-fatal assault or creating an Experience to step
into, Malala chose the latter. She founded Malala Fund (visit them at
malala.org) and began working toward the following Experience:
MALALA FUND IS WORKING FOR A WORLD WHERE
EVERY GIRL CAN LEARN AND LEAD.
That powerful organizational purpose clearly dovetails with Malala’s
own purpose: I determined to continue my fight until every girl could go to
school. To date, Malala Fund has raised and invested over $22 million in
education initiatives for girls.
There is a lot to understand when it comes to purpose. For now, just
understand that when I say purpose, I mean that which inspires you to have
an impact you may not have believed was even possible. You do not have to
change history, the way Jackie Robinson did. You do not have to inspire
millions of people and raise millions of dollars, the way Malala has. You do
not have to launch a great political career, the way John F. Kennedy did. All
you have to do is accept that when you think of what is possible, you may
not be seeing everything yet. When you think of what is possible in the light
of your purpose and start on that journey, the magnitude of your impact will
be revealed over time. With a clear sense of your unique purpose and a
mentor to help keep you on track, you can become accountable, just like
they were, to the commitment to pursue a higher calling.
 In this chapter, you have seen three mentors at work: Joseph Kennedy
Sr., Branch Rickey, and Ziauddin Yousafzai, Malala’s father. Take a
moment now to consider the massive impact those three gentlemen had on
the world through the people they chose to mentor…and then think of
someone you admire who might be able to serve as a mentor for you. No
matter what stage of life you are at, you can still benefit from a mentor.
We all need someone who will speak truth into our life. We all need
someone who will help us to identify and fulfill the Experience we are
capable of creating. We all need someone who will help us to see and step
into that Experience and set and meet the standards that will make it a
reality in our lives. We all need someone who will advocate on behalf of our
true potential…especially when we are not yet clear on what that potential
looks like. To create the biggest and best possible future and Experience for
us to step into, we all need a mentor.

MENTORSHIP: THE ORGANIZATIONAL ADVANTAGE

What I have just shared with you has powerful organizational

implications, and it is not just for people with titles like "manager" and
"vice president." It is for everyone! Where there is a strong organizational
culture of mentorship, in my experience, there is a strong culture of
accountability.

Where there is a strong organizational culture of mentorship, there is a

strong culture of accountability.

If we are playing any role in an organization—and I do mean any role—

it is extremely important that we look for people we can mentor to help
them grow. As they grow, everyone around them—including us—will grow,
and the organization will develop a major competitive advantage.
 Look again at the example of Branch Rickey and Jackie Robinson.
Remember that Rickey had a job to do and an organization to lead. He was
the general manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers. In that role, Rickey made a
hiring decision that we now regard as historic. It is right that we should
remember the historical impact of that hire. We should not lose sight of the
fact, though, that at the time, the chief reason Rickey made that hire was
that he believed it to be in the best interests of his team. Once he made that
hire, Rickey made a powerful mentorship commitment, one that Robinson
would speak of with deep gratitude for the rest of his life. Rickey was fully
invested in the Experience of Robinson’s success. Together, they made that
Experience a reality. And they not only delivered a competitive advantage
to their team (because Brooklyn won the pennant in 1947), but they set a
new standard for baseball and the nation—and transformed their industry!
In later years, Robinson himself served as a mentor for countless others,
notably the Hall of Fame pitcher Sandy Koufax. This is the organizational
power of mentorship.
_____________
1. Doris Kearns Goodwin, The Fitzgeralds and the Kennedys: An American Saga (New York: St.
Martin’s Press, 1987), 707.
2. "Malala’s Story," Malala.org, Malala Fund, accessed April 21, 2021, https://malala.org/malalas-st
ory.
 Cha pte r Four

The Future Begins Right Now

"The future depends on what we do in

the present."
—Mahatma Gandhi

LOTS OF PEOPLE HEAR the word future and think of it as

something far distant, something that is years, decades, or even centuries
away. That is a major misconception. Our future begins right here and right
now. It is emerging at this instant, waiting for us to shape it, and it is
determined, not by outside events, but by what we decide to lean into in this
brand-new moment as it emerges.

Your future is emerging at this instant.

We can, like Robinson, create a compelling picture of the future we

want to live, and then we can step into it. But the reverse is also true: we
can create a compelling picture of a future of what frightens, annoys, or
disempowers us, and we can let that picture determine the direction of our
future—and our whole life. It is entirely up to us. The challenge is, we
usually do this picture-making unconsciously. We do not always realize
what we are doing when we make the choice to create and pursue a future
that does not really support us. We do not always realize that the choice that
creates the future is ours. But it is. We are in the driver’s seat. We are
always in moment-by-moment control of the future we step into, no matter
what the external circumstances are and no matter what other people may
be saying or doing.
The word we need to bear in mind here is control. We are always in full
control of the decisions we make. We can either make decisions that place
our focus on the influence of other people or events we cannot control…or
we can make decisions that create the future we decide to live. If we allow
other people or outside events to determine our future for us, we are
choosing to relinquish control over our life. And that is never the right
choice.

It will likely take time and practice to learn to set your own course, to learn to
take personal control of your future.

If you are like most people, you have some areas of your life where you
may have grown used to justifying inaction by thinking (or saying), "I can’t
make a difference; I don’t have any control in this situation." That is called
the path of least resistance. And it is the opposite of accountability, for the
simple reason that it is rooted in a decision to give power to that which you
do not control.
Accountable people take the opposite approach. They focus on what
they can control by asking themselves questions like:
• "Is this how I want to think?"
• "Is this how I want my personal relationships to be?"
• "Is this how I want to be of service to others?"
• "Is this the influence that I personally want to have on other people?"
• "Is this the impact I want my team/organization to have?"
• "Is this the world I want to live in?"
 When the answer is NO, accountable people set a different mental
image of the future…and then find a way to take action on that vision!
Answering these questions in a way that motivates you to take immediate
action to create a compelling future is much easier once you have identified
your purpose in life and created a mission that reflects that purpose in
action.
But first, we have to be honest with ourselves about something
important: we are likely to need outside help in breaking the old habits and
assumptions that have conditioned us to choose the path of least resistance.
As we saw in the previous chapter, we are very likely to need a mentor—
someone who can help us to clarify what we are doing, why we are doing it,
and what is possible in our lives. Because all too often, we do not, on our
own, come close to realizing what is truly possible in our lives!

LEAN INTO THE FUTURE

The best example I can give you about how this all-important process of
creating the future really works comes from a sport I love: downhill skiing.
Now, downhill skiing can be a scary undertaking the first time you do it.
In fact, one of the scariest moments I can recall is the time, years ago, when
my ski instructor, Andy (my skiing mentor), told me that it was time to start
making my way down what looked to me like a hill that was too steep for
me. Just looking at the run ahead caused all kinds of adrenaline to course
through my body. Mind you, the hill in question was not steep to Andy. I
had seen him navigate it, showing me how it was done. Everything seemed
effortless to Andy. But the hill he was pointing me toward certainly seemed
steep to me at the time. I took a deep breath and started to move toward the
edge of the downward incline.
"Hold it," Andy said. He put his hand out and stopped me. There was
something in the way I approached the hill that he did not like.
"What?" I asked.
 "You’re leaning the wrong way. You’re leaning back away from the hill.
You need to lean out into it."
"Lean into it? What are you talking about? Isn’t that like leaning into a
punch in the boxing ring? Why on earth would I want to lean out into a
steep hill? I’ll lose control and fall!"
"When you lean back, your weight is not over your skis, and you can’t
control your movements. You want your body perpendicular to your skis so
that your weight is over the middle of your skis. That way, you can control
where you’re going. You control the edges. You can turn if you want to turn.
You can slow down if you want to slow down. You can’t do any of those
things if you’re leaning away from the hill. When you lean in the opposite
direction of the hill, you may think you’re safer, but you’re not, because
your weight is on the back of your skis, not in the middle. All that’s going
to happen is you’re going to lose control, your skis are going to shoot out
from underneath you, and you’re either going to ski off the side of the
course into a tree or you’re going to find yourself in the middle of a giant
snowball at the bottom of the hill. Got it?"
"I think so," I said, trying hard to convince myself that my safety
actually depended on doing the exact opposite of what my instinct was
telling me to do.
"Just remember this," Andy said, "the steeper the hill you are heading
down, the more you lean into it. While that may seem counterintuitive,
that’s the only way to survive a steep incline—by leaning into it and making
sure you stay in control."

The steeper the hill you are heading down, the more you lean into it. While
that may seem counterintuitive, that’s the only way to survive a steep incline
—by leaning into it and making sure you stay in control.

And that’s exactly what Andy taught me how to do: lean into the incline
and stay in control.
 Here is why I share that story with you. What happens to a beginning
skier on the ski slope is exactly like what happens to someone who is
learning to set the Experience.
We each have a choice about what kind of future we want to create for
ourselves and the larger world.

We each have a choice about the kind of future we want to create for
ourselves and the larger world.

We can choose between something that is familiar and comfortable and

something that is a bit of a stretch. Many times, the right course of action is
counterintuitive to what we already know and expect. That is because we
have not yet experienced what we are capable of. The future we could
create for ourselves, the future that is a bit of a stretch, is like that hill we
approach for the first time on our skis. We see a big drop coming up, and
we think, I cannot do this. And we lean back. We do not lean into the
future. Why not? Because we do not yet realize what we are capable of. But
here is the problem: in leaning back, we give up control over our lives.
Believe me, I do realize—from direct personal experience—that what
Andy was asking me to do, what I am asking you to do in this book, is
counterintuitive. When we are moving forward and we see a big hill coming
up, it feels wrong, at first, to lean into the incline. But if we do not lean into
it, we are never going to achieve what we’re capable of achieving, and we
may end up hurting ourselves or someone else. So we need to learn to lean
into it. And learning that is what this part of the book is all about.
The only way we can determine our true potential, the only way we can
reach the level of mastery that allows us to do something effortlessly that
we once thought was impossible, is to lean into the future we are capable of
creating. And sometimes we need the help of a mentor to do that—just like
I needed Andy’s help in leaning into the future of being able to ski down
that hill like a pro!
 So for this part of the book, I want you to think of me as one of your
mentors—your accountability Andy—and I want to encourage you to start
leaning into a future that your first instinct might be to tense up and lean
away from.
What is an important objective in your life that up to this point, you
have leaned away from…but you know in your heart you could be leaning
into? Is it to get out of debt? Build a truly world-class organization, one that
serves and improves the lives of both customers and employees? Reach
your optimal weight? Reconnect with a relative with whom you have
slipped out of touch? For most of us, there is something that falls into this
category. Once you have identified it, ask yourself: How much is
maintaining the status quo in this area costing me?
 Cha pte r Fi v e

The Moment of Truth Is the Moment You

Move Beyond What Is Comfortable

"Growth and comfort do not coexist."

—Ginni Rometty

IF YOU ARE TRULY ACCOUNTABLE, if you are consciously

creating the optimal future you intend to begin living right here and right
now, what you think you are capable of expands beyond what you are
already comfortable with. If you decide never to go beyond your comfort
zone, you will not be creating a compelling future. You will be creating
some variation of the past.
Sadly, all too often this is what happens to both people and
organizations. At the individual level, staying within your comfort zone
might be deciding that it is really not worth the effort to pursue a diet and
exercise routine that will get you to your ideal weight. What is the
Experience you want to create in terms of physical health? What would that
look and feel like? At the organizational level, staying within the comfort
zone often takes the form of assuming (without any evidence) that team
members are engaged with the company’s mission and eager to connect and
communicate with each other about how best to pursue that mission. What
is the Experience you want to create in terms of employee engagement?
What would that look and feel like?
 There is a saying: we don’t know what we don’t know. That saying is
absolutely correct! And it is because we don’t know what we don’t know
that we may need someone to give us a push. I have been fortunate enough
to have people in my life who pushed me beyond what I thought I was
capable of—and I am a pretty driven person. I have been in numerous
situations where someone I was close to—usually an advisor, a mentor, or
an accountability partner—challenged me by asking, in so many words,
"Sam, why are you playing it safe?" That is a question that every human
being eventually needs to come to terms with, and it is almost always one
that needs to be posed by someone who knows us well enough to know
when it is time to give us a little encouragement when we are not pushing
ourselves hard enough or fast enough in the direction we need to go.
It is easier to attain goals if we set them low. And yes, there is
something to be said for making a goal realistic. Attainability is a big part of
what allows us to feel and experience success. But there is also something
to be said for reaching your full potential in life…and that is something we
will never, ever do if we make a habit of following the path of least
resistance and sticking with what is comfortable to us.

We will never reach our full potential by following the path of least
resistance.

MEET CARR, HIGHFILL, AND HUTCHBY

During the winter of 1984, two homeless men froze to death out on the
streets of Raleigh, North Carolina. If you do not live there, you might
imagine that North Carolina never gets all that cold during the winter
months, but you would be wrong. Every once in a while, a winter storm
gets intense and puts anyone unlucky enough to be without shelter in real
danger. Three men—Paul Carr, Larry Highfill, and Jim Hutchby—read the
news reports of that horrible event in 1984…and decided that they had to
take action.
 They realized there was a dangerous shortage of housing for the
homeless in their city, and they started to take action on the future they
envisioned—a future where you did not have to risk your safety, or your
life, if you were down on your luck and did not have a place to stay. Carr,
Highfill, and Hutchby began working hard to make that future a reality,
creating resources and shelter opportunities for Raleigh’s homeless
community. In 1986, the three came across a large, rundown rooming house
in downtown Raleigh that had gone on the market. By the spring of 1987,
they had transformed that property into a transitional residence for "low-
income men struggling to put their lives back together." They called the
new residence Emmaus House, after the Biblical story of two followers of
Jesus who encounter him on the road to Emmaus and recognize him only
after they have invited him to eat with them.
When those three men read that news story, it had a special kind of
impact on them. It challenged them to live up to what they said they
believed. It spotlighted something in their world that needed to change,
dramatically, in a positive way, starting immediately. It made them eager to
create (not wait for) a future that was radically different from the world they
encountered. That news story touched on who they were as human beings,
and it inspired them to move beyond what was comfortable or familiar to
them. It inspired them to make a decision to create a whole different reality.

The Moment of Truth is the moment you choose to move beyond what is
comfortable to create a whole different reality, a whole different future.

THE FUTURE BEGINS WITH A DECISION

This is where creating the Experience always begins—with a decision.

Carr, Highfill, and Hutchby decided to take on a project that was way,
way beyond what they had accomplished and experienced before. That took
courage, it took self-awareness, and it took a conversation involving more
than one person. Creating the Experience always requires a conversation
with someone else!
Think of the most important accomplishments in your life, the decisions
and actions you are proudest of. Are you thinking of one right now? Good.
Now ask yourself: Did it involve other people?
Of course it did. No matter what that moment was, I guarantee you that
if you are truly proud of it, it involved some kind of interaction, at some
point, with another human being. You talked to someone about your plans.
Or you were moved by someone else’s experience and decided to take
action. Or you learned something from someone you respected. Or you had
a conversation with someone and realized that the two of you were meant to
work on a certain undertaking— together. Or all of the above!
As you consider the Experience you are moved to create, be on the
lookout for allies and mentors. Remember that we build our most important
relationships with people who have values that align with our values. There
is power in the conversations we have with such people. We come to
understand that they think through challenges in the same way we do…and
we inspire and support each other over time as we bring the Experience to
life. It is through those special relationships, those special conversations,
that truly great things happen.

Creating the Experience requires a conversation with someone else. If you

have not talked about the future you are creating with another human being,
you are not creating the Experience.

Eventually, the courageous decision of these three men to envision and

create more and better options for the homeless in their community led to
the creation of a powerful vision for what life should be like in Raleigh for
people facing major challenges: all people have a safe place to recover. The
three friends also created a mission to match that vision: to provide safe,
affordable, recovery housing within a supportive community.
 Today, you can find that vision and that mission on their website. You
can also visit Emmaus House for yourself, and you can see for yourself the
difference it has made in the lives of people in the community. But when
you look at what their years of work accomplished— when you look at the
end result of any powerful Experience that some accountable person has set
—do not imagine that it came about by magic. It all started with a decision.
There is a special kind of power that arises from believing something so
deeply that you can step right into the reality that aligns with that belief and
choose to make it your future, starting immediately.
When you make the most powerful decisions, you are creating an
Experience that aligns with your very best self, based on your deepest
understanding of who you are as a person and what you are here on earth to
do. You are putting a stake in the ground and saying, "This is the future I
am choosing to create, in this moment, because this is who I am." These
decisions are where the power is. When you make such a decision, you are
not being compelled to take action by someone else; you are taking the
steering wheel of your own life in both hands and choosing exactly where
to go next, based on your own conviction about the direction you are meant
to take in life.
Nothing changes for the better in our lives until we make a decision
about the kind of Experience we want to create. Once we decide to take
action in a certain direction that supports who we know ourselves to be, we
are cutting ourselves off from countless other options. The things we are
deciding not to do may be more comfortable, more known, more familiar to
us—but in making a decision about the Experience we want, we are making
the conscious choice to let go of that comfort and expand what is possible
for ourselves and others by saying YES to a new direction, a new trajectory,
a new possibility in life. Everything starts happening once you make this
kind of decision!

The Moment of Truth is a powerful moment. It always propels us forward,

toward a decision that creates a newer and fuller expression of the person
we are meant to be.
 Many people struggle with making accountable decisions. They avoid
decisions that take them beyond what is comfortable to them. They do not
set and create a future consciously, based on the kind of person they are
meant to be. They follow the path of least resistance. We do not want to
follow their example, no matter how tempting it may be to do so. We cannot
be truly accountable by doing what everyone else is doing!
Once we make a conscious decision to set the future we want to create,
once we choose not to follow the path of least resistance, not to play it safe,
we are in the minority. How many people came across that same news story
that Carr, Highfill, and Hutchby read and never took any kind of action on
it? Thousands. Tens of thousands, probably. But what I want you to notice
is that they had a very different kind of response. For them, reading that
story was a Moment of Truth— because it caused them to go beyond their
comfort zone.
We all face our own Moments of Truth, moments when we are
challenged to make an accountable decision that sets the Experience and
creates a compelling future. That future always has three critical
components.
• The future you decide to create has to be non-negotiable. Changing the
status quo for the homeless community in Raleigh was not something Carr,
Highfill, and Hutchby wanted to do, hoped to do, or planned to get around
to doing. It was something that was happening from the moment they took
it on, and it was not up for debate.

• The future you choose to create has to matter deeply to you on a personal
level. The mission the three friends undertook was integral to who they
were as human beings because it connected to their deepest sense of
purpose, their sense of what they were truly meant to do in life, and it led to
the creation of a mission that was that purpose in action.

• Last but certainly not least, the future you choose to create has to be
something you discuss with people who are important to you. Discussing
your Moment of Truth with others makes it more likely that people will
engage with you about that future. These discussions not only enlist
support, but they also cause the resources you need to flow in your
direction.
The future you choose to create has to be connected to your very best self.
We become our best selves only when we allow someone to help us—and
when we are helping someone else to become their best self.
 Cha pte r S i x

Excuse or Possibility?

"Never make excuses. Your friends

don’t need them and your foes won’t
believe them."
—John Wooden

EACH OF US FACES Moments of Truth in life, moments when we

are called upon to make a decision that supports our best conception of
ourselves…even though it might seem easier, more convenient, more
familiar, and more comfortable to stick with the status quo. These are
moments when we are challenged to remember, and act on, our own
understanding of who we are truly meant to be. The decisions we make in
these Moments of Truth define us as human beings.
Sometimes the choices we make during a Moment of Truth are rooted
in excuses: we often make such a decision based on a limited understanding
of what we believe ourselves to be capable of, based on our own past
experience. For instance, a relative makes a demeaning joke that we do not
find funny, a joke comes at the expense of an entire group of people. We
know that laughing at that joke violates our values, and at some level we
also know that what we allow in our space, we condone.
 What we allow in our space, we condone.

But we laugh at the joke anyway and change the subject, perhaps
because we do not feel like speaking up or we believe people will think less
of us if we find a sensitive, tactful way to say what we feel. In those
moments, we take what we have done in the past—laugh politely and
change the subject—as the pattern for the future we choose to create. We do
not grow and develop as individuals. We also do not help others to grow
and be better, and we do not create a better place for everyone to coexist.
At other times, the choices we make at such moments are based on
possibility. If we are fortunate, they are reinforced by others in our circle
who help us to focus on what we could be capable of, as opposed to what
we have been capable of. And we decide to push beyond our comfort zone.
Perhaps we say something like, "Uncle Jim, I realize that I probably should
have said something about this a long time ago, and I am sincerely sorry
that I didn’t, but I really think we can find something better to joke about.
That kind of joke makes me uncomfortable, and I know that’s not what you
want to do. Have you heard the one about…." And we might just be
surprised by how others who hear that kind of thing will step up and
support us.
When we respond in that way to a Moment of Truth, our decisions go
beyond what once seemed possible. Our decisions begin to create a future
based on possibility, and they carry a positive impact on ourselves and
others. That impact may affect us and others for a few minutes, a few days,
a whole lifetime, or even longer—but we are never the same, having made
that decision and created a different future.
Let me take a moment to share with you what led up to one of the big
Moments of Truth in my life—a decision moment that had a profound effect
on me and many other people.

MY MOMENT OF TRUTH
 This was 2012. I had recently been introduced to a remarkable
gentleman named J. Pat Hickman, who at that time was the president, CEO,
and chairman of the board of a bank based in Amarillo, Texas, called Happy
State Bank. The bank had earned a reputation for superior service, an
extraordinary working culture, and expanding its market share and
improving its bottom line during the financial crisis of 2008–2009. As you
may recall, that global crisis hit the banking and financial services sector
very hard.
Happy State Bank’s mission statement made me smile every time I read
it:
Work hard, have fun, make money, while providing outstanding
customer service and honoring the Golden Rule.
I set an appointment with Pat so we could get to know each other a little
better and find out whether it might make sense to work together. My
assistant Sharon Miner, who had introduced me to Pat, came with me to that
meeting.
Pat was a big fan of my work. He loved my book No More Excuses.
And I could tell he was excited by what I had to say about accountability.
About thirty minutes into that conversation with him in his office, he
jumped up, went over to his computer, turned it on, and printed out four
sheets of paper. He came back to where we were sitting, handed them to
me, and said, "Sam, I want you to know what I believe and what we believe
here at Happy State Bank."
I said, "Okay."
"There are a lot of people," he went on, warming to his topic, "who feel
that there ought to be a book about this little bank."
In that moment, before I had even begun to read the sheets he had
handed me, I was thinking, "Hmm. A book about a bank. Is that really the
kind of thing that would keep me up at night, turning pages?" I was pretty
sure the answer was NO. Think of this from my perspective. I was a
published author, and I liked to think I had a decent sense of what the
market was looking for. I was pretty sure this was not it. After all, there are
only two things you can do at a bank: put money in and take money out.
Why would someone want to read a book about a little bank in Amarillo,
Texas?
As those thoughts were going through my mind, Pat went on: "A lot of
people have asked to write about our bank. I’ve never come across anyone I
felt was right for this project. But I really loved your book No More
Excuses. I think you might just be the person to write this book."
Something about his tone of voice made me stop and reconsider what he
was suggesting. What if I could turn this into the kind of project where the
bank would agree to buy a large number of books up front as promotional
resources and put a lot of money into marketing and promoting the book? I
started to see dollar signs. Maybe this would make sense after all. In the
moment, I did not realize how powerful those four pages really were. I did
not fully grasp what had been handed to me and the power it contained. I
was focused on the wrong thing: the money. I was not in a mindset of
abundance; I was in a scarcity mindset. It was only later that those four
pages became critically important to me. At the time, my thinking was
purely transactional. I wanted to close the deal. And because of that I almost
lost the entire opportunity.
I told myself that the money was more important than the chance to
build this relationship. That was an excuse. An excuse is a story you tell
yourself to sell yourself and try to sell to others.

An excuse is a story you tell yourself to sell yourself and try to sell to others.

A couple of weeks later, I sent Pat a proposal for a major book project,
encompassing not just the creation of the book, but a full-scale promotional
initiative I had designed to turn the book we would create into a big
success. Pat took a look at it and told me frankly that he could not pass it
along to his board because he did not believe they would make the
investment. He did not see the same value that I was seeing. Life went on.
We stayed in touch. I kept reading and rereading those four sheets of paper
he had printed out for me in his office. They outlined a way of working, a
way of thinking, that really stuck with me. I kept talking about them with
the people in my life and about Happy State Bank’s remarkable story.
Several months went by. I could not manage to resuscitate the deal. A
day came when I was on the phone with my assistant, Sharon Miner. Sharon
was one of the people with whom I had been talking, not just excitedly, but
with a sense of growing purpose, about those four pages Pat had given me.
At a certain point in the call I said to Sharon, "I really wish we could
have gotten together with Happy State Bank and written that book. I think it
would have been a great project. He just doesn’t get the book business I
guess. I guess it just wasn’t a good fit. If the dollars aren’t there, why
should it be me to tell that story?"
There was a long silence on the line.
"I’ll tell you why it should be you, Sam," she said. "I watched you when
Pat talked at that leadership event in Amarillo. I watched you at the
business roundtable you both attended. And I watched you during the
meeting we had with Pat at the bank. Something about you changes when
Pat’s in the room. You think about what is possible in a different way. You
have a different way of looking at your own purpose. He’s got an important
story to tell. And you need to hear it, too. I am telling you, Sam, if you walk
away from this project, you will regret it. And if you ask me, you were born
to do this book."
It was like she had stepped through the phone and looked me straight in
the eyes. I realized Sharon was right. I had a choice to make: follow
through on something that I believed in my heart that I was meant to do, or
ignore it. Ignoring it meant buying into another excuse. And I was no longer
willing to do that.
From that moment on, it was clear to me: I was there to write that book,
not to come up with a fancy proposal, not to set up a marketing campaign—
to write the book. That was what I was meant to do. There was a powerful
feeling of certainty coursing through me as I said to Sharon, "Pat has
spoken on several occasions of providence in his life. If providence is
present in Pat’s life, and if it brought the two of us together, then it must be
present in my life, too." I knew the door was open and I needed to walk
through it. I just needed to say, "Yes."
"You’re right, Sharon," I said. "I gotta run. Bye."
I had practically hung up on Sharon. It was clear what I needed to do
and I did not want to waste a minute. I called Pat and asked him, "Are you
still interested in me writing that book?"
He responded, "Yes, I am."
"Well, we are going to find a way to do this. Forget the agreement.
Forget the cost. I’ll write the book. We’ll figure out who will publish it and
how all the pieces go together as we proceed." And that’s exactly what we
did.
That book, Non-Negotiable, not only transformed my business, it
transformed my life. It launched a brand-new book contract with a new
publisher. It touched people all over the world and motivated them to make
radical, positive changes in their lives and organizations. It put all the work
I had done up to that point in my career into focus, and it allowed me to
sharpen and hone my message in a way that made it more powerful,
compelling, and accessible to other people than it had ever been before.
Non-Negotiable led me to countless new business opportunities, and it
enabled me to create entirely new programs and help thousands of people
with whom I would never have otherwise connected. And nearly a decade
later, it is still showing up on Amazon’s bestseller lists. Oh, and those four
sheets of paper Pat shared came to mean a great deal to me. They described
the core values of Happy State Bank and Trust, and they had a huge impact
on me, my business, and my clients, because they laid the groundwork for
my ability to help organizations around the world to discover, establish, and
sustain their own powerful narratives about organizational values.3
The point is, with Sharon’s help, I recognized a Moment of Truth for
what it was, and I responded appropriately to it by making a purposeful
decision—a decision that aligned with who I really am as a person. Once I
made that decision, things started to fall into place. I began to recognize
new opportunities, change my mindset to one of abundance, and take
action. The bounty that followed was immeasurable.
 And it all came about because I recognized, and acted on, a Moment of
Truth!

Each of us faces Moments of Truth that are unique to us.

What emerges as a Moment of Truth to me may not be a Moment of

Truth for you. The way I respond to my Moment of Truth may be totally
different from the way you respond to yours. Our job is never to tell
someone else what their Moment of Truth is or how they should respond to
it. Our job is simply to recognize these moments and then to make the right
decision, a decision based on the possibility of fulfilling our own purpose as
human beings.
Notice that I am talking about your purpose in a deeply personal sense
here, the kind of calling that may take a lifetime to refine fully. There is still
a lot to learn about what this means, I know. But for now, just consider that
making a truly purposeful decision—the kind of decision Carr, Highfill, and
Hutchby made when they came across that newspaper story, the kind that
Jackie Robinson made when challenged by Branch Rickey to go outside of
his comfort zone and look beyond the abuse he would receive in the big
leagues—is how we create the future. It is how we awaken our very best
selves. It is creating the Experience. It is recognizing the Moment of Truth
and then choosing a path that opens up a new possibility, a path that
supports our best understanding of who we are and what we are meant to
accomplish in life. Whether or not we have walked down it before, creating
the Experience means taking the next step on the path called Who I Am
Supposed to Be.

Making a purposeful decision is how we create the future.

 "Take the first step in faith. You don’t have
to see the whole staircase, just take the
first step."
—Martin Luther King, Jr.
_____________
3. To learn more about Happy State Bank’s core values, see my book Non-Negotiable.
 Cha pte r S e v e n

Purpose and Experience

CREATING THE EXPERIENCE means embracing our unique

purpose and then stepping into the future that matches up with that
purpose…even when that purpose points us toward a future we do not yet
believe we are capable of creating.

Creating the Experience means embracing our purpose and then stepping
into the future that matches up with that purpose… even when that purpose
points us toward a future we do not yet believe we are capable of creating.

If you do not yet know what your purpose is and are having trouble
connecting it to the Experience you want to create, relax. You have plenty
of company! This is where most people find themselves in life… but it is
not where you have to stay. Let’s talk for a moment about how to identify
your purpose, because creating the Experience is impossible if you have not
yet gained at least some personal clarity on this.
Identifying our purpose is a difficult business only if we choose to make
it difficult. We often do make it difficult, though, by expecting our purpose
to line up, forever, with a couple of words we have picked more or less at
random. Actually, our purpose becomes clearer to us over time. It is only
natural that the words we use to express that purpose should shift a little bit
as we gain deeper and deeper certainty about, and comfort with, who we are
and what we are here for.
Even so, our purpose is always waiting for us. It speaks to us and
becomes more obvious to us in Moments of Truth.

Our purpose speaks to us and becomes more obvious in Moments of Truth.

Our job is to recognize our purpose in those moments, to take action on

our purpose whenever the opportunity arises, to learn to create new
opportunities to take action on our purpose, and to do our best to put our
purpose into words concisely and accurately so that we can remind
ourselves of it regularly.
How will we recognize our purpose? There are four important signals:
• The purpose brings us a sense of personal fulfillment whenever we pursue it.
This feeling of fulfillment (some call it joy) is evident immediately. When
you are doing what you are meant to be doing, you feel a special kind of
deep personal happiness that you do not get anywhere else.

• The purpose connects to serving others. We are all connected! Which means
our purpose must connect to serving others. This connection to other
people may not be immediately obvious. It may only emerge over time, or
indirectly. For instance, becoming the best painter you can possibly
become is, at least at first, a matter of reaching your own potential and
achieving the best and highest work of which you, personally, are capable
in the field of painting. Does pursuing that purpose by picking up a
paintbrush serve another person? Maybe not at first. But the act of
becoming the best painter you are capable of being means you are growing
and developing as a person, and that arc of personal growth is going to
make it easier for you to identify and act on opportunities that come your
way to help and support other people in your life. Eventually, the quest for
self-improvement has to connect, directly or indirectly, to helping someone
else. If an activity or aspiration benefits only you and never has even an
indirect positive impact on anyone else, it is not what I call a purposeful
aspiration. By the same token, an activity or aspiration that disregards the
rights of others is not purposeful.

• The purpose inspires us to move beyond what we have done before. The
purpose makes us eager to do more, be more, become more…because it
lies at the heart of our life. The more clearly we understand it, the more
 often our purpose motivates us to take action that points us toward some
new level of achievement or contribution. Not only that—we become
excited, animated, and engaged whenever we communicate about our
purpose with others, and that enthusiasm impacts others positively.

• Taking action on our purpose gives us a clearer sense of who we are meant
to be. Whether we succeed or fail in the short term in pursuing an objective
that connects to our purpose, the action itself confirms a powerful internal
sense that we are going where we need to go in life. Note that your purpose
may connect to a mission that extends beyond the borders of your own
lifetime! Make a list of the historical figures you admire most, and I suspect
you will notice that the people on that list intentionally made this kind of
commitment. Think of Lincoln, or Gandhi, or Mother Teresa. Did the reality
that they did not live to see the fullest expression of their positive impact
on the human race detract from their legacy—or add to it? Create an
Experience that will outlive you!

Create an Experience that will outlive you!

Once you know what your purpose is, you can clarify the mission to
which it connects. Your mission is your purpose in action. Once you are
clear on the mission, you can talk about it and engage people in it! This is
incredibly important. As soon as we verbalize the mission, it becomes a
commitment, and we align with it in a very powerful, personal way. Not
only that—when we announce our mission to the people in our world, we
give them an opportunity to come on board and be a part of that mission!
But you must know your purpose before you start talking about your
mission!

Your mission is your purpose in action.

It is a good idea, at least once a year, to set aside a few hours to explore
your purpose and determine whether you need to refine the words you use
to describe it.
 Our unique purpose is the service at the heart of our life that inspires us,
fulfills us, and clarifies who we are meant to be.

By way of example, my purpose is:

To help people discover their potential and be the best they can
possibly be.
It took me decades to formulate those sixteen words, and I know I may
not be done redefining them yet. But they wake me up and inspire me to
take action every time I come in contact with them, which is why I put them
someplace I will see them, each and every day! Those sixteen words
powerfully summarize the reason I am here, the big WHY in my life.
Whenever I read that sentence, I wake up to my purpose.
Note that a powerful statement of purpose shines a spotlight on the big
WHY in your life, without being too specific about the actions, initiatives,
and beliefs that support that big WHY. You can fill in the blanks on that
later with what I call a Mission Narrative. Remember, your mission is your
purpose in action. It is what you DO to support your purpose. Again, for the
sake of example, let me share my own Mission Narrative so you know what
one looks like.
MISSION
My mission is to build a more accountable world. I serve my
mission through three specific activities:
TEACH
I am a teacher. I educate people on ways to improve and be their
best. I share new insights and ways of looking at issues,
challenges, and opportunities. I share different ways of believing
and thinking.
INSPIRE
Through the use of events, experiences, and evidence I support
the beliefs that I teach. This breathes life into the beliefs and
 helps people take action. I help people to awaken to their true
purpose in life.
SUPPORT
I come alongside and help people take the "first step" in their
new adventure. I provide ongoing encouragement, tools, and
resources to help people stay on course. Change is difficult. We
all face challenges throughout our journey. I stay ready to help
others overcome those challenges and achieve the goals they
aspire to.
My Mission Narrative makes clear that my aim of creating an
accountable world connects to three specific activities: teaching, inspiring,
and supporting. It goes into an appropriate amount of detail about what
those words mean to me. This is important, because what I mean when I use
the word "support" may not be what you mean when you use the same
word!
Notice that we support our purpose by taking on a mission that is
capable of inspiring others. The purpose can be kept private, but the mission
(which, again, is our purpose in action) is always something we find a way
to share with the rest of the world.
Purpose and mission are the tools we use to create our Experience, the
future we choose to step into.

Purpose and mission are the tools we use to create our Experience, the
future we choose to step into.

In my case, the mission is building a more accountable world. I believe

you can do that only by helping people be accountable individually. I
believe you can do that only by building more accountable relationships.
And I also believe that when you build more accountable relationships, it is
easier to build accountable organizations. Once you build more accountable
organizations, I believe you help to create more accountable communities.
And finally, I believe that building accountability within the community in
which you live leads to a more accountable world.
I am here for all of that…because building an accountable world helps
people discover their potential and be the best they can possibly be.

JACKIE ROBINSON’S PURPOSE

Recall that Jackie Robinson was not playing baseball just for himself in
the difficult years that followed his debut with the Brooklyn Dodgers.
Recall that he had promised Branch Rickey that he would not respond in
kind when abused, attacked, and demeaned, on or off the field. Recall that
he kept that promise, despite enormous provocation and a long personal
history of standing up for himself against racists who challenged or insulted
him.
Why?
Robinson kept that promise not to make himself famous, not to fatten
his bank account, but as a service for the whole country— indeed, for the
larger world. When he confronted obstacles, some of them brutal, he
stepped back and reconnected with a mission that supported his purpose,
which was to create an environment where African Americans could be
seen as the equals of other Americans—where they could compete fairly, be
judged on their abilities, and be rewarded for their accomplishments. That
was his mission. That was his journey.
If that meant that while Robinson was playing first base, a runner who
had been raised in the South got to slice open Robinson’s thigh with his
spikes without Robinson being able to slug the guy—and on at least one
occasion, that is exactly what Robinson’s journey meant—so be it.
Robinson later admitted that he very nearly fought back against that
assault…but then he thought better of it. He remembered his promise to
Branch Rickey.
When his teammates started making plans to retaliate against Enos
Slaughter, the player who had spiked him, Robinson dissuaded them—
again, in order to fulfill his purpose. He knew he could not break his
promise, and he knew that any news reports about retaliation for the
incident on the field would be likely to cast him in a bad light… and that
that would only make things harder for the Black players he hoped would
follow him into the big leagues. That, he knew, would not fulfill his
purpose.
Robinson’s wife Rachel spoke to this purpose when she said of her late
husband, "I never once heard Jack say, out loud, ‘I want to give up.’ Or: ‘I
don’t think I can take it anymore.’ He would get discouraged, he’d get
frustrated, he’d get angry. But by the next morning, you know, he’d kind of
sleep it off, and the next day was a new day. I think he felt that he could
transcend this provocation because he had a higher goal. I mean, the goal
was important to him. The mission was important to him."
 Cha pte r E i ght

Take the Time

"There is no greater gift you can give

or receive than to honor your calling.
It’s why you were born. And how you
become most truly alive."
—Oprah Winfrey

THERE ARE NOT GOING TO BE many points in this book where I

ask you to put the book down and go do something, but we are about to
have one of those moments. To get the most out of this book, to get
anything out of this book, you will need to invest a little time to get greater
clarity on your purpose in life. Why? Because without that clarity, you may
miss a Moment of Truth…and you may find yourself making decisions that
do not support the future you deserve.

Invest the time necessary to get a clear sense of your purpose in life.

Investing the time to get a clearer sense of your purpose in life is a little
like being a world-class runner, someone who is preparing to run a big race.
Let’s say you are a marathon runner. You know you are going to need a
good pair of shoes for that twenty-six-mile race. So you go to the store that
specializes in running shoes.
That is because this decision is worth getting right. It is worth making
the trip. It is worth investing the time. So you take that time. You do not
order the shoes online. You examine them in person and talk to someone
who is an expert in running shoes. You look at all the different options, and
you take a lot of different factors into account. Not just factors like color
and styling, but also factors like good arch support, because you happen to
have a high arch, and side support, because you overpronate—meaning
your ankle rolls a little too far downward and inward with each step you
take. And of course, after taking all of those questions into account, you
want to try the shoe on and make sure it fits you, because you have found
that very often, shoes that are marked as being the correct size for you are
somehow a little too big or a little too small, and running in a shoe that does
not fit you is a major barrier in an important race and can lead to pain,
blisters, or both. Any problem with fit, repeated over the course of a twenty-
six-mile run, can escalate into catastrophe.
The point is, you do not want just any shoe; you want the right shoe for
you so you can run the race that you have signed up for and are now
preparing to run. Picking the wrong shoe—the shoe that might be right for
somebody else who is built differently—carries major dangers. Who knows
what kind of trouble, pain, or injury running a marathon in the wrong pair
of shoes can do to your ankles, legs, hips, or spine?
The marathon is your life. The shoe is your purpose. It has to be a great
fit. In fact, it has to be a perfect fit—a fit for you and no one else. If you
choose the wrong one, if you are "wearing" a purpose that you picked
because you heard that it works great for someone else, but it does not work
for you, then everything is going to get out of alignment. And as you run
your race, the problems are going to magnify. What might have started out
as a minor irritation will become a major problem. You will not only risk
the outcome of the race, but you will also risk hurting yourself and others.

THIS IS YOUR MOMENT

 Every decision you make—every single one—interacts with your
purpose. It either supports that purpose or it does not.

Every decision you make—every single one—interacts with your purpose. It

either supports that purpose or it does not.

Right now, you face a decision. Here it is: At the end of this chapter, will
you take the time to set your purpose into words that are a perfect fit for
you…or will you keep reading and tell yourself you will do this part later?

"You may delay, but time will not, and lost

time is never found again."
—Benjamin Franklin
In just a moment, I will ask you to set aside at least half an hour to
think about your purpose and to set it into words. Make a decision right
now to take that step when I ask you to.
First, a little guidance: You will want to use these thirty precious
minutes to brainstorm your purpose in life. Make sure it is your purpose, no
one else’s. It is fine to do a lot of writing if you want to, but remember that
the end result you are after is to keep your written statement of purpose
brief. Aim for just a sentence or two. As you brainstorm, remember the
criteria I shared with you a little earlier: your purpose gives you a sense of
deep fulfillment, it connects to serving others, it inspires you to move
beyond what you have done before, and it gives you a clearer sense of who
you are meant to be.
I strongly recommend that you start by thinking about the concept of
service. If we look closely enough for our own unique purpose, I believe we
will always see that no matter how personal the purpose we discover may
be to our own life and experience, it can always be found within the service
we render to others.
 Your purpose connects you to your best personal understanding of how
you can serve others. Sometimes, people make the mistake of believing that
the simple fact that they are good at something makes that thing their
purpose. Wrong. Whatever it is they do well must eventually connect to
some kind of service if it supports their purpose in life.

If you believe you have found your purpose, but your purpose does not
connect in any way to serving another person, keep looking!

Please put the book down now and take at least half an hour to
come up with one or two written sentences, recorded in a
notebook, journal, or your digital writing tool of choice, that
capture your purpose. Make the decision to do this right now!
 Cha pte r Ni ne

Living Your Purpose Means Pursuing

Fulfillment, Not Happiness

"A life is not important except in the

impact it has on other lives."
—Jackie Robinson

AT THIS POINT, I am going to assume that you have written at least an

initial draft of a sentence or two describing a purpose that serves others,
inspires you, and leaves you feeling fulfilled when you are aligned with it.
You may have noticed that when I shared the criteria for identifying
your purpose, I did not ask you to make one of the conditions for your life’s
purpose that it makes you happy. Instead, I asked you to focus on whether
pursuing your purpose left you feeling fulfilled. The distinction is an
important one, and I want to spend a little time examining it here, for the
simple reason that devoting yourself to happiness can lead you into
decisions that do not point you toward the kind of future you actually want
to live.
That may seem counterintuitive, but hear me out. Happiness is a
construct, one that, for the most part, is created by other people.
 Happiness is a construct, one that, for the most part, is created by other
people.

Lots of people go out of their way to convince us what our happiness

should be. Friends and relatives may tell us that making the same kinds of
decisions they have made in their lives, or the decisions they wish they had
made in their lives, will make us happy. They may even tell us that making
them happy is what will make us happy. People who are popular on social
media may tell us that following their advice, or their example, will make
us happy. Advertisements may tell us that buying a new pickup truck, or
going on a vacation to the Bahamas, or buying the newest phone, or
listening to a download of Weird Al Yankovic’s greatest hits, will make us
happy, and we may end up believing all of that is true. No offense intended
to Weird Al, or any of those other people, but that is crazy.
I will never presume to tell you what will make you happy. I do not
know what is going to make you happy, and I am not entirely sure the goal
of living a happy life is realistic or even achievable.
Happiness comes and goes, and it is a deeply personal experience,
something that cannot be dictated to you by anyone else. Yet all too often,
people allow themselves to be convinced to look to others for how to attain
or even define happiness.
We may think that we have defined happiness for ourselves, but if we
examine the situation closely, I think we will usually find that it is external
influences—friends, family, media, marketing professionals—that play a
dominant role in setting the borders that define what "happiness" is and is
not in our lives. And all too often, when we try to turn the artificial
construct we call "happiness" into reality by chasing after something we
have been convinced will make us happy, we end up feeling deeply
disappointed and empty, even when we obtain the thing people told us
would make us happy.
Happiness is fleeting; fulfillment endures. Happiness that endures never
shows up. We find ourselves on a quest that we can never complete. We are
going to have moments when we are happy and moments when we are
unhappy. That is life.

Happiness is fleeting; fulfillment endures.

It is fulfillment we should be striving for. I prefer this word because

fulfillment is obviously unique to us. No one else can tell us when we are
fulfilled or claim to know what will bring us fulfillment. We have to figure
that out on our own. And what we inevitably find, sooner or later, is that
only one thing actually leaves us feeling fulfilled: pursuing our purpose.

Sooner or later we figure out that only one thing actually leaves us feeling
fulfilled: pursuing our purpose.

If you are living your purpose, you will find fulfillment. I guarantee it.
That fulfillment will energize you. It will get you up early and keep you
going late into the night. It will point you toward the right lessons, the right
resources, the right people, and the right achievements. When you are
connected to a purpose that inspires you, a purpose that empowers you to
find the best and highest way to serve others, you will know with certainty
that you are walking the path you were meant to walk in life. And knowing
that will give you what you need to get through good times and bad times.
 Cha pte r Te n

Living Your Purpose Means Creating the

Future

"How wonderful it is that nobody

needs to wait a single moment to start
improving the world."
—Anne Frank

The word CREATE is powerful.

Creation is really what this whole book is about. It is the essence of the
E=mc2 formula I shared with you at the beginning of this book. As you read
these words, you are creating the Experience, the E in that formula. You
have within you the ability to create any future you choose to step into;
there is something very special about that ability. Never forget that is what
you are doing: creating the future, creating the destination of your life and
the lives of those you impact, all by means of the decisions you make.
This is a sacred journey. We all have the power to use our decisions to
create a future we believe is worth living, a future worth stepping into. No
conscious human being is lacking in that capability. This is a gift that we
have all received. It is part of being human, but not all human beings
recognize that they have been given that gift. Some do not feel worthy of
that gift. Some do not think it exists; they have convinced themselves that
others create their future. But the gift of decision is always ours, and in
using that gift consciously, in alignment with our purpose, we can always
make decisions that align with our purpose, decisions that create a future
based on possibility.

We all have the power to use our decisions to create a future that we believe
is worth living.

If, this morning, you happen to pass someone crouching on a city street
corner with a little cup placed in front of him, holding a handwritten sign
that reads I NEED MONEY FOR POT, know that that person is creating a
future. To me, it is not a future based on a particularly inspiring possibility.
He could be setting his sights a lot higher than he is at the moment. But
make no mistake: he is building the future he is willing and able to step
into. And so is everyone else.
At any given moment, we are creating the future that we are about to
experience. We are doing that with our choices. The only challenge is, most
of us do it without realizing that that is what we are doing or even without
realizing that we have the power to do it.

At any given moment, we are creating the future that we are about to
experience.

My challenge to you is to recognize that you have that power and then
to use it in a way that produces something that touches your life and the
lives of others in a powerful, positive way, something that makes the world
better. Not just better for you—better for other people. That, after all, is
what service is all about.

LIVE THE FUTURE YOU DESIGN

 Your future can be something you design, not something that happens
by default. The future can be something you decide makes sense for
yourself and others, not something you happen to be used to doing or that
other people have been doing and that you decide to do because you want
them to approve of you. The future you step into can be a conscious choice.
You have that power.
This is the whole reason I wrote this book: I want that power to be
something you are aware of and take conscious action on. Unconscious
action is typically what is already happening. I wrote this book to help you
to raise your game. The process of creating your future is already taking
place. You are creating your future right now, with every decision you
make, whether you realize it or not. Once you realize that your decisions
and your future are within your control and you take full responsibility for
that, then you get to direct where this awesome power flows. Living with
purpose means creating the future you choose, a future that has a positive
impact on others.
 Cha pte r E l e v e n

Living Your Purpose Means Recognizing

Excuses…and Moving Beyond Them

"Argue for your limitations and, sure

enough, they’re yours."
—Richard Bach

WHEN YOU ARE LIVING your purpose, you do not get stopped by
excuses, those stories you tell yourself to sell yourself and try to sell to
others. I am talking about stories like:
"I am too young."
"I am too old."
"I don’t have enough experience."
"I should not even try, because the odds are against me."
"People won’t take me seriously."
"There is no way to achieve what I want to achieve."
These kinds of stories are not just negative self-talk—they are toxic,
false narratives that undercut your unique purpose and make it impossible
for you to learn what you need to learn in order to become the best possible
version of yourself.
 The only antidote to excuses is to refocus, with intensity, on those
things you can control in your life that connect to your purpose: the big
Why that inspires you, gets you up early, and keeps you up late. One
reliable way of refocusing on your unique purpose is to read the written
words of your purpose statement multiple times a day. You can read them
silently or out loud. The choice is yours. But I strongly recommend that you
make reading those words an integral part of your day.

The only antidote to excuses is to refocus, with intensity, on those things

you can control in your life that connect to your purpose.

I call the state of mind that recognizes excuses for what they are, rejects
them, reorients you toward what you need to be doing, and pulls you into a
better future, being ON PURPOSE. If reading your written statement does
not instantly put you ON PURPOSE, redraft the statement until it does!
When you are ON PURPOSE…

…you are engaged in activities that align with your purpose.

…you focus on that which you can control, not that which you cannot
control.
…you identify new opportunities, even when you face opposition or
adversity.
…you think creatively.
…you are all about service.
…you connect to something bigger than yourself.
…you inspire others.
…you are always looking for ways to make contributions to your
relationships.
…you leave the drama behind.
 …you set aside what isn’t working and invest your time and attention in
what is working.
…you look for ways to take constructive actions that build and expand
the Experience you are stepping into.
…you create the future.

Even in those moments when you are not ON PURPOSE, you always
have the option of changing what you are focusing on, changing what you
are doing…and finding your way back to your purpose.
 Cha pte r Tw e l v e

Put What You Have Learned about the "E" in

E=mc2 into Practice!

"The future belongs to those who

believe in the beauty of their dreams."
—Eleanor Roosevelt

NOW THAT YOU HAVE LEARNED about Experience, you are

ready to take the next step. Here are some powerful questions about
Experience for you to consider. The more detailed your answers, the better
prepared you will be to put what you know into practice.
• What desired Experience has a Moment of Truth pointed you toward? What
area of your life does that desired Experience connect to? How does that
desired Experience connect to your personal sense of purpose? Whom do
you serve as you create that Experience?

• What is one specific Experience you are personally driven to create? How
does this desired experience connect to other aspects of your life and/or
your business?

• What do you want to Experience in terms of your own health and well-
being?

• What do you want your Experience of your relationships to be? A very

important follow-up question to that is: What do each of those people need
to experience in order for you to create that Experience?
 • If you’re in a romantic relationship: What do you want your Experience with
your spouse or significant other to be? What would they have to
experience in order for that to happen?

• If you have kids: What do you want your Experience with your children to
be? What would they have to experience in order for that to happen?

• What do you want your Experience with your parents to be? What would
they have to experience in order for that to happen?

• What do you want your Experience with your closest friends to be? What
would they have to experience in order for that to happen?

• What do you want your Experience with your neighbors to be? What would
they have to experience in order for that to happen?

• What do you want your Experience with your co-workers to be? What
would they have to experience in order for that to happen?

• What Experience do you want to have with the people in your community?
What would they have to experience in order for that to happen?

• If you have a leadership role in a business:

• What do you want the Experience of your team members to be? What
would they have to experience in order for that to happen?

• What do you want your Experience with customers to be? (For instance,
do you want them to come back? Do you want them to feel safe? Do you
want them to recommend you to others?) What would customers have
to experience in order for that to happen?

• What Experience would you like to see from your business or your team
in terms of performance outcomes (such as referrals, margin, or closed
sales)? What would your team members have to experience in order for
that to happen?

I realize this seems like a lot, but let me explain why I am sharing so
many examples with you. We need to be consistently asking ourselves these
kinds of questions, day after day, because once we come up with answers
that align with our purpose, we are living with purpose, on purpose, and for
a purpose. The answers we come up with allow us to create an Experience
by design, not by default; an Experience shaped by our personal sense of
who we are meant to be.
• So take, for instance, the question of what Experience you want in your
relationship with your spouse. You might answer that you want them to
experience feeling important, valued, cherished, or heard. Great. Now: How
 are you going to define that further? What is likely to make your spouse
feel that way? And how does helping your spouse to feel that way align
with your purpose?

• Or let’s say you are thinking in terms of an Experience that connects to the
people who report to you. Let’s say you want the Experience of having the
lowest employee turnover rate in your industry. Follow it out. How is that
outcome going to come about? What would your employees have to
experience in order for you to create that organizational Experience?
Perhaps you decide that they need to feel respected, listened to, valued,
supported, and empowered to solve problems and act on opportunities.
Now you are getting somewhere!

Once you have identified the Experience you intend to create, you
know what direction your life needs to move in. The next big question is
What Mindset supports that Experience? We will look at that in the next
section of this book.