The Insight Cure

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question: “Who can explain what insight feels like?

“Insight is a sinking feeling,” he said.


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Insight is gravity, a profound heaviness in your gut.
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In fact, insight is the deepest feeling you can have because it’s the foundation of
all your experiences.
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Insight clues you in to why you feel sad, angry, frustrated, grateful, or happy in
a given situation.
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Deep understanding allows you to challenge your thoughts and change your behavior.
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Most people don’t unconsciously correct their childhood false truths.


They get stuck with feeling alone, misunderstood, unloved, unworthy, and worthless.
Their entire lives are shaped by these common false truths.
As a therapist, I set out to relieve patients of their misconceptions and help them
move forward unburdened.

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Insight can allow you to hit the reset button on life, no matter your age or how
entrenched you might be in your old ways.
There is no reason you can’t get rid of childhood misconceptions and use your adult
intelligence to redefine yourself.
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UNDERSTANDING WHY CHANGE IS HARD

When patients come to see me for the first time, they often bring in a list of the
things they’d like to change. “My marriage is stale” or “I can’t hold down a job,”
they say.
And I tell them that these problems are symptoms, the result of inadvertent self-
sabotage and the manifestation of a false truth, of some deep,

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elemental pain that is the root cause of all their suffering.
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Until they have reckoned with their false truth, they won’t be able to make
lasting, positive change.
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Invariably, patients would rather talk about the symptoms, or the “what” (affairs,
drinking, etc.), than the cause, or the “why” (the false truth).
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The truth is, what people do isn’t nearly as important as why they do it.
And it’s nearly impossible to change the what—the obvious problems and issues that
need fixing—unless they know why.
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Whether you realize it or not, there are many why forces pulling the strings in
your mind that you aren’t even aware of.
As you start this process, you’ll learn how those forces originated and why they
can make change difficult (but not impossible).
Even the deepest roots can be uprooted.
Real change starts with self-awareness. In the Insight Cure, awareness isn’t as
simple as admitting you have a problem. It goes deeper.
It’s an understanding that a false truth exists, that it was formed long ago, and
that it is entrenched in your mind.
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And most importantly, you need an awareness of the false truth itself. What is it?
Where did it come from?
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Often, people think awareness is all you need to change your life, but that is
really only where you start.
So let’s begin at the beginning by figuring out what’s really driving your behavior
and making you do what you do.
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Please remember that your desire to change is all the impetus you need to make it
happen and see yourself successfully through this process.
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If you believe your life can be less of a struggle than it is now, that faith will
eventually make a bright future your reality.

Positive and Healthy


Internal Influences You are motivated by desire, passion, gratification,
validation, and satisfaction. If you set out to change for these reasons, you’ll
probably be successful, happy, and fulfilled.
External Influences You are motivated by recognition, status, money, and
feeling superior. If you set out to change for these reasons, you might be
successful, but you’ll still rely on others opinions to feel good about yourself.

Negative and Unhealthy


Internal - You are motivated by fear of failure, inadequacy, and insecurity. If you
set out to change for these reasons, you’ll probably burnout, feel dissatisfied,
and go back to previous bad behavior.
External - You are motivated by fear of loss, pressure from others, instability in
life, and financial need. If you set out to change for these reasons, you might
succeed, but you’ll still feel anxiety and unhappiness.

Childhood Trauma

“It’s a joy to be hidden, but a disaster not to be found,” said Donald Woods
Winnicott, a British psychoanalyst and the author of Playing and Reality (1971). I
interpret his meaning to be that we all take comfort in our (hidden) false truth.
You might not know what it is or how it came to be, but you’ve constructed a
narrative for life around it and lived with it for a very long time. It’s what you
know. Winnicott’s “joy” in being hidden refers to taking comfort in the familiar.
But if you don’t explore your unconscious and find out your false truth, you will
stay the same and continue struggling. Or you can find your false truth, define
yourself in a new and healthy way, be as happy as you deserve to be, and have a
full life that includes helping others. Not reaching your true potential is
Winnicott’s “disaster.”

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