Pain and Forgiveness in the Eyes of the Filipinos

Sherill S. Villaluz, Paulo Emmanuel G. Baysac, Antonio S. Yango

Czarina Isabelle I. Arimado, Fatima Mikaela C. Remoquillo

Abstract
This study aimed at finding out pain and forgiveness as experienced by the Filipinos. The
participants of this qualitative casestudy were composed of six (6) residents of Sta. Rosa and
Binan, Laguna with a varying nature of pain. The subjects were gathered through common
friends with the use of indigenous methodology of pagtatanung-tanong.The subjects underwent
an in-depth interview that was semi-structured. The researchers used an interview guide which
composed of set of questions asked during the conduct of the interview. Findings showed that
Filipinos do not close their doors in forgiving the offenders; they do think that forgiving someone
is necessary and not a hard thing to do; but, the capacity of an individual to forgive will still
depend on the offense made. Filipinos look at forgiveness as not equivalent to the following
terms: forgetting, pardoning and reconciling. Forgiveness for them is like giving the offender a
chance to change and correct the undesirable actions done. Also noted, that the disposition to
forgive is connected to an individual’s religiousness or spirituality. Before a person could grant
forgiveness they should undergo a process. The process of forgiveness includes: Grief and under
it is questioning, next is Empathy and Acceptance. Since Filipinos think that acceptance is the
key to forgive, it is the last process involved in forgiveness. Forgiving an offender would result to
positivity towards life, moving on with life and “kaginhawaan ng loob” o “Pagluwag ng
dibdib.”

Keywords: degree of pain, forgiveness, nature of pain, view of pain,

INTRODUCTION
Pain is part of everyone’s life. We all have our own stories of break-ups with the ones we
thought we could never live without, being left alone, being discriminated, being betrayed by
someone who we trusted the most, being treated unfairly, being lied to when all the while we’ve
been so honest, being screwed up and the like. After these painful experiences, it seems
impossible to get the courage to move forward, forget everything that has happened and forgive
those who have hurt us. For some people, forgiveness may seem to be a lifetime away yet, for
some it can be given easily.
Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment, thoughts of revenge and releasing
negative thoughts of bitterness (Ponton, L., 2007), burden of anger and pain. Forgiveness is also
a natural resolution of the grief process, which is the necessary acknowledgment of pain and
loss. Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky calls forgiveness “a shift in thinking” toward someone
who has wronged you, “such that your desire to harm that person has decreased and your desire
to do him good (or to benefit your relationship) has increased.”
In a world where people constantly make mistakes and conflicts are as inevitable as
breathing, can we also say that forgiveness is a part of every people’s lives? That we Filipinos
have a deep understanding of what forgiveness is? Individual differences set us people apart
from each other. To have different personalities and experiences can be the reason why
individuals have different perceptions, principles, and ways to cope with and handle stress.
People cannot escape from burdens of life, instead according to Decenteceo (1999), “we differ in
the ways we carry our burdens.” This differences may also be the reason why a person’s decision
to forgive varies.
Although, many literatures, studies and researches were made regarding forgiveness, the
researchers have noticed that these studies are mostly from foreign authors and researchers.
Thus, making their studies based only on the concept and viewpoint of their own race. In the
Philippines, studies and researches about forgiveness in Filipino context are very limited; hence,
this study would be essential and serve as a reference for the in-depth understanding of the
processes involved in forgiveness. Limited studies were conducted using qualitative research
method. Most researchers used quantitative methods.
This research focused on nature, degree and impact of pain as experienced by the
respondents. Furthermore, it delved on the respondents’ view and process of forgiveness, and
their view of life after the process of forgiveness.

METHODS
Respondents of the Study
The participants of the study were composed of six (6) subjects with a varying nature of
pain. They reside from Sta. Rosa and Biñan Laguna area. The subjects were gathered through
common friends with the use of indigenous methodology of pagtatanung-tanong.

Data Collection Procedure and Analysis

The subjects were gathered through common friends with the use of indigenous
methodology of pagtatanung-tanong. They underwent an in-depth interview that was semi-
structured. The researchers used an interview guide which composed of set of questions asked
only during the interview. Questions focused on the subjects’ view of pain, its effects on their
lives and the process of forgiveness. It was validated by psychology and research experts.For
better understanding of the subjects, the interview guide was translated in Filipino language and
was also validated by a competent and senior Filipino language instructor.The researchers
personally conducted the interview, after which results were then transcribed. A recorder served
as a tool for transcription. After the transcription of the interview, the researchers went back to
the subjects for validation and confirmation the data gathered. Through deep investigation of the
data gathered, and based from literatures and models on the concept of pain and forgiveness, the
researchers were able to identify the themes in which the subjects showed both their
commonalities and uniqueness. Themes were then presented according to the specific problems
presented in the study.

Ethical Consideration
Although many literatures, studies and researches were made regarding forgiveness, the
researchers have noticed that these studies are mostly from foreign authors and researchers.
Thus, making their studies based only from the concept and viewpoint of their own race. In the
Philippines, studies and researches about forgiveness in Filipino context are very limited; hence
this study will be essential and will serve as a reference for the in-depth understanding of the
processes involve in forgiveness. Limited studies were conducted using qualitative research
method. Most researchers used quantitative methods.
Nature of Pain
The subjects’ painful experiences vary. Subject 1 witnessed the killing of her whole
family, including her mother and three siblings. She was also stabbed numerous times, but
miraculously survived the incident. Subject 2 experiencedbetrayal by people whom he trusted
and also witnessed his father being stabbed to death. Subject 3 experienced being robbed by
armed individuals, her son tried to defend them and because of that his right leg was shot.
Subjects 4 and 6 experienced physical and verbal abuse from their own father. Subject 4 was
considered by his father as the black sheep of the family. Both of them felt that they were
unloved by their fathers. Subject 5 encountered bad judgment from others and her family. She
was regarded as a low type of woman and that she was degraded by them.

Degree of Pain
Even if the subjects experienced different circumstances the degree of pain for them is
still in its highest. This is evident through their statements, “Masakit. Yes, it is painful, so much
painful. Masakit talaga”, “Napakasakit. Ang sakit nakakaiyak hanggang ngayon”, “Sobrang
painful, na nadala ko padin siya until now”, “Masakit talaga sakin yung judgment eh, 9 out of
10”. The pain they have experienced was so painful that they can’t even explain it, as stated,
“Yung sakit iba, iba yung sakit na naramdaman ko, hindi ko kayang ilarawan eh, hindi lang siya
basta basta na sakit”, “Halos hindi ko na maipaliwanag kung anong klase ng pain ang
naramdaman ko.”

Impact of Pain
The pain the subjects encountered had impact on their lives both negatively and
positively. When one is offended by another and it has caused so much pain, this can result to
aloofness and loss of trust towards others. As stated, “Sa family ng mga suspect, kahit na
nagkakasalubong kami, wala, hindi na lang nagpapansinan.”, “Sa totoo lang, kapag nalabas
ako, wala na akong tiwala sa mga tao sa labas.” “Lagi akong nagkukulong sa kwarto, gusto ko
mag-isa ako, ayokong may kausap sabahay.” Though there are negative impacts of pain, there
are also manifestations of positive impact. Pain can be a motivation to improve oneself, the
subjects said, “Parang mas naging positive pa yung outlook ko sa buhay.”, “Sa relationship ko
with others, mas naging outgoing.” “After niyang mawala parang I hit a rock, nagcrack yung
shell ko doon ko nakita and nagdeepen yung realizations ko.”, “I never explain myself to anyone,
instead I proved them wrong.”, “Mas naencourage ako na mafulfill ko yung sarili ko.” Pain
teaches people to be strong. As stated, “Siguro ang magandang naidulot nito is yung tapang ba,
yung tapang na harapin mo yung mga pagsubok na dadating sa’yo”, “Ang naidulot sakin nito is
yung, wag ka lang susuko”, “Minsan, walang magawa kung hindi ang tatagan ang loob ko kasi
ako ang nanay.” “Sa personality, mas lalong tumibay, mas lumakas ang fighting spirit.”

View of Forgiveness
The subjects viewed forgiveness in different ways. Forgiveness is something that is not
hard to give, as stated “Ang puno nalalagasan ng dahon kasi alam natin na dapat at kaya niyang
magbigay kasi napapalitan naman siya. Kaya ang pagpapatawad hindi siya mahirap
ibigay.”“Para sakin siguro hindi naman, basta bukas ang isip mo na magpatawad.”but it will
still depend on the situation. According to the subjects, “Hindi naman mahirap magpatawad,
depende sa kaso.”, “Siguro masasabi ko nga na ang pagpapatawad eh madali lang naman
ibigay depende lang talaga sa sitwasyon o kung gaano kaliit o kalaki yung kasalanan na
naggawa sa’yo.” “It depends, it depends sa pain na naggawa sa’yo onangyari.” Forgiveness
doesn’t mean forgetting, as stated by subjects, “Hindi naman porket nagpatawad ka eh
kinalimutan mo na yung nangyari.”, “Iba yung pagpapatawad sa forgetting, napapatawad ko
sila, nawawala yung galit ko sa kanila pero yung sakit na dinulot nila sa akin ay hindi kasi
feeling ko kasama ko na yun habang buhay kasi ayun ang bumuo ng pagkatao ko.”, “Hindi ko
siya makalimutan pero I leave it behind.” Forgiveness is not the same as pardoning. This is
evident through the following statements, “I’ll be honest I already forgive kung ano ang nagawa
niya, pero not totally forgive, kasi hindi namin para ilagay sa kamay naming ang justice.”
“Siguro dadating din yung time na makakapagpatawad ako pero continuous pa din na
pagsisisihan nila yung ginawa nila.” Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling. As stated by the
subjects, “Pag napatawad ko na sila, alangan naman na okay na, close close na. Alangan naman
na pwede na sabihin nila sakin na, oh okay na pala eh, palayain mo na kami. Kasi siyempre
mahirap yun, dapat pinagsisisihan nila yung ginawa nila.” “Yes, I’ve forgiven na. Yun nga lang
affected na yung relationship namin, di kami at ease.” Forgiveness is like giving chances.
According to the subjects, “Forgiveness eto yung pagbibigay ng chance sa isang tao na
pagkatiwalaan mo ulit sila.” “Forgiveness is like padaanin na lang kung ano ang ginawa nila
sa’yo and give chances for them para itama ang pagkakamali” also, forgiveness is letting go of
pain and anger and accepting what happened. As stated, “Forgiveness is letting go of what
happened ayun ang forgiveness, letting go, acceptance.” “Siguro ang pagpapatawad, siguro
yung alisin mo lahat ng galit mo sapuso mo.”“Forgiveness meaning bigyan mo ng pagkakataon
na mawala yung pain” “The key for forgiveness is to accept the action that has been done.” It is
necessary for a person to forgive, religiousness or spirituality contributes to the disposition to
forgive. As stated, “Yes, oo, biblically based bilang tao dapat magpatawad tayo.” “Oo naman,
gaya ko na nag-aaral ng Bible tao lang naman ako na minsan hindi nakakapagpatawad pero
kung susunod tayo sa Bible, dapat nakakapagpatawad tayo.” “Dapat talaga tayo magpatawad,
kasi hindi tayo mabubuhay sa mundo kung hindi tayo marunong magpatawad.” “Kung ang
Diyos nga marunong magpatawad, bakit tayo hindi.” “Kailangan, hindi naman ako Diyos para
hindi magpatawad.”

Process of Forgiveness
Experiencing such painful incident in life, people tend to think whether if they will
forgive or not. Before a person can decide to forgive they undergo a process. The process of
forgiveness includes:
Grief – in this phase ,the subjects let themselves acknowledge and feel the pain that was
caused by the experience or the offender. A part of the grief phase is questioning wherein the
subject asks why the act was done and will seek for reasonable answers. This is evident through
the following statements, “Hindi ko malaman, wala naman kaming kaaway”, “Yun gawain na
mismong kamag-anak mo o relative mo o yung person close to you eh magagawa pala sa’yo.”
“Alam mong tatay mo siya, alam mong hindi ka niya dapat saktan, siya ang poprotekta sa’yo,
siya pa ang mananakit sa’yo.” “Hindi ko nga malaman ang iisipin ko sa magnanakaw eh kung
intension pumatay oh ano”“Ginawa ko yung best ko para maging mabuting kaibigan sa kanya,
kaya lang jinudge niya pa din ako. Hindi ko inakala na kaya niyang gawin”.
Empathy-The second process involved in forgiveness is empathy wherein it is an act of
putting oneself in the foot of the offender and tries to identify reasons why the offense was done.
As stated by the subjects, “Naisip ko na lang baka may atraso yung father ko sa kanila kaya
siguro naghiganti imbes na maghiganti sa father ko sa amin na lang family”,
“Pinanghahawakan ko nga lang din kung bakit hindi ako personal na magalit sa taong yun is
because of drugs, kung bakit napatay niya si tatay.”, “Siguro yung mga time na nangyari sakin
yun, na nagawa sakin ni tatay, siguro may mga pinagdadaanan siya sa buhay o kaya naman ay
may problema siya.”
Acceptance- is a relevant phase in the forgiveness process. Acceptance is the act of
accepting what happened, that the damage has been done, and that no matter what; we cannot do
anything to change it. As stated, “Accept the fact that something bad that had happened to you
will not be changed.” “Acceptance is still the bottom line to forgive”, “Siguro at the right time
mapapatawad ko din sila, kapag tanggap na tanggap ko na ang nangyari”, “In life there is no
rewind, hindi mo na yun maibabalik kahit anong pilit mo”, “Tanggapin mo and mabuhay ka
kahit wala siya tanggapin mo na yun yung katotohanan.”

View of Life after the Process of Forgiveness

After experiencing pain the subjects believe that life must go on. As stated by the subject,
“Sa akin naman tuloy lang ang buhay. Kailangan hindi sila maging hadlang para sa mga anak
ko. Tuloy lang ang buhay, tuloy lang pero siyempre maypag-iingat.” “I will accept and move on,
parang move on to another chapter or page of my life.” Despite what the subjects have gone
through, they still view life positively and did not lose hope. As stated, “Nangangarap din
naman ako na mag-negosyo kahit na takot ako sa kapaligiran.” “Gusto ko kasing maging
matatag, para tularan ako ng iba.” “Success is not the right term pero maganda yung track ng
buhay” “Gusto ko mas maging maayos yung future ko, gusto kong mas maging maayos yung
perspective ko, perception ko sa mga bagay bagay para hindi ako masyadong masaktan.”
“Siguro nung na-accept ko na yun with the help of my friends, their advices, with the help of
them tsaka through religious words ayun yung point of view ko sa buhay ko nabago parang
naging mas positive na ako sa buhay ko.” Forgiving the offender affects the subjects’ lives
positively. This is evident through the following statements, “Tinulungan ako ng pagpapatawad
na yun na maging confident sa sarili ko. Mas naging positive na ako sa buhay ko, tsaka nakita ko
yung sarili ko na magiging okay din lahat pagkatapos”, “Positive ang naging epekto sakin,
lumuwag yung dibdib ko kasi wala akong tinanim na galit.”. For those who are still in the
process of forgiveness, they are not closing their doors in forgiving the offender, because they
don’t want to carry the burden for the rest of their lives. This was evident through the following
statements, “Medyo okay okay na. Medyo wala na, medyo nakarecover na din ako eh, mahirap
din magtanim ng galit sa kapwa.”, “Mas mabilis kong tanggapin yung mga bagay kasi diba you
will just prolong the agony of pain kung hindi mo rin lang siya tatanggapin.” “Hindi ako
magfafall down sa kinasaadlakan ng iba na hindi marunong magpatawad at may burden pa rin
siya sa sarili niya.” “Sabi ko nga kanina gusto ko dumating yung panahon yung bago ako mag
settle down ayoko kasi madala pagtanda yung ganoong sakit eh.”

Going through the subjects’ responses, the researchers were able to come up with
concepts and theories on pain and forgiveness. Re-experiencing pain can be the basis for an
individual to determine the most painful event in their lives. As stated by the subjects, “Oo,
maraming most, pero kaya siya considered as most kasi yun yung paulit ulit na nangyayari.”,
“Siya yung masasabi ko na pinakapainful kasi hanggang ngayon present padin eh. Hindi lang
natapos ng hanggang ganito lang, hanggang dito lang, hanggang ngayon at tingin ko hanggang
sa future ganun padin”. After scrutinizing the subjects’ responses who have not yet forgiven the
offender, this concept have been made, when pain is still present there is no possibility of
forgiveness. This is because they still carry the burden of pain. This is evident through the
statement of the subjects, “Kahit 18 years na silang wala masakit padin sakin eh, kaya hindi ko
padin masasabi na napatawad ko na sila.” “Hindi ko masasabi na wala na yung pain.Healing,
nasa healing process ako.” “Hanggang ngayon dinadala ko padin.” The human connection is
central to healing. Talking with someone regarding your loss may lessen the burden that one
carries. As the subjects stated, “open ako sa friends ko, sa kanila ko nasasabi lahat yung mga
problems ko.” “Aside from prayers, sa mga kaibigan lang din humugot nglakas ng loob.” “Alam
mo kaya hindi ako lub na makapagpatwad hindi ko relieve maibukas. Hindi ako masyadong
nagkukuwento.” “Every now and then nagpapa-counsel ako kapag dumadating yung sinasabi ko
nga na pinakamasakit na part para sa akin.”
After deep investigation, analysis and interpretation of the data gathered, the researchers
were able to determine the Filipinos’ view of pain and forgiveness, and how it affected their
lives. Through this the researchers were able to come up with a “Modelo ng Pagpapatawad” a
forgiveness diagram based on Decenteceo’s Pagdadala Model.

The diagram shows the concept of forgiveness by using the following symbolisms: road,
traffic light, and a person carrying a bag. The person carrying the bag was used to represent the
subject and the burden that they carry. The road was used to symbolize the path that a person
who is carrying a burden would take until he reaches a decision. As the person travels through
the road, he will have to pass through the process of grieving, empathizing and accepting, which
are the processes involved in forgiveness. Until he reaches the stoplight that signifies his initial
decision as to how he will react to what he encountered, here he will be given options. Red light
indicates the manner of letting oneself be stuck in the situation. Orange light pertains to the
manner of believing that someday he will reach a decision. While, green light implies the
decision to move on with life. After passing through the stoplight, he will have to choose which
path he will take that symbolizes his final decision to forgive or not to forgive.
Model of Forgiveness based on Decenteceo’s Pagdadala Model
 “Ang Dinadala”
Ang dinadala is defined as the burden that a person carries. The subjects’ view on pain
best describe “ang dinadala”. Pain is defined as an unpleasant feeling caused by someone
wherein that someone is a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or an unfamiliar person. It is also
said that the term “pain” does not only pertain to physical pain that is felt by an individual, as
stated,“Pain kasi di lang siya basta kumikirot, hindi lang yung namamaga” rather it may also be
regarded as emotional pain or a burden that a person carries.
“Ang Pagdadala”
“Ang Pagdadala” is the manner of carrying the burden. The effect of pain on the
subjects’ lives defines ang pagdadala. Although pain is a negative feeling, Filipinos’ identified
positive effects of it towards their lives. Pain can teach people how to be strong. It gives people
the courage to face trials in life. Moreover, individuals who experienced pain showed motivation
to improve themselves. In fact, pain didn’t hinder Filipinos to still look at life positively. There
are also undeniable negative effects of pain as shown in this study. It may result to aloofness and
loss of trust to others. The findings mentioned do not have any supporting literatures or study.
“Ang Pagdadaanan”
“Ang pagdadaanan” covers the process that an individual has to go through before the so
called “forgiveness” occurs. Forgiveness is not just an act but aprocess. This involves grief,
empathy, and acceptance. The grief process is the state where the person acknowledges the pain
that was brought by the experience, under this process is questioning - asking why the offense
was made. This finding is supported by an article from Fred Luskin (2010) wherein he stated
that, a person should undergo the grief process to be able to grant forgiveness. The second
process of forgiveness is Empathy it involves the understanding of the factors that influence the
occurrence of the offense. This finding is supported by a study conducted by Witvliet, C. V.,
Ludwig, T.E., and Vander Laan, K.L. (2001) which identified empathy as a forgiving response.
And last, acceptance where the person accepts the current situation, as stated, “In life there is no
rewind, di mo na maibabalik kahit anong pilit mo.” It is also identified as a key in order for an
individual to grant forgiveness.
“Ang Pinagdadaanan”
“Ang pinagdadaanan” is the present status of the burden bearer. Through forgiveness,
the subjects were able to see a better future ahead of them. The painful experience did not stop
them from believing and seeing that there is still hope, as stated, “I will just accept and move on,
parang move on to another chapter or page of my life”. The data gathered from the subjects is
supported by Larry James who said that forgiveness dares a person to imagine a better future and
diminish thoughts of the pain. Moreover, the subjects who claimed to have forgiven the offender
showed positive effects of it. They experienced “pagluwag ng dibdib” andpositivity over
themselves. Robert M. Sherfield’s (n.d.) article supports the finding, according to what is
written in the article, forgiveness is not only beneficial to the offender but also to the person
himself. It gives the person inner peace, deep joy and a sense of freedom. It also brings positive
thoughts and positive behavior towards others.
Ang Patutunguhan
“Ang patutunguhan” covers Filipino’s view of forgiveness and an individual’s disposition
to forgive. Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting, pardoning and reconciling. Forgiveness for
them does not mean that they already diminished the memory of the transgression or offense. It
is more of accepting the present situation that the offense was already made and that time cannot
be turned back. Filipinos believe that forgiving the offenders do not release them from the
punishment of the offense made. When a person forgives, there is no assurance of reconciliation
between both parties. It is not always a way to regain the relationship that was there before.
These findings were supported by William Doverspike’s (n.d.) article on forgiveness, wherein he
claims that the word “forgiveness” is not equivalent to the following terms: forgetting,
pardoning, reconciling, condoning and excusing.
An individual’s disposition to forgive is affected by religiousness or spirituality. Filipinos
showed no rejection in granting forgiveness, in fact they do think that it is necessary for us to
forgive, as stated “Kung ang Diyos nga marunong magpatawad, bakit tayo hindi”. Although
they have not yet forgiven the offender,they are not closing their doors when it comes to
forgiving them. This is supported by a study conducted by McIntosh D., Kline G., Wadsworth,
M., Ahlkvist, J., Burwell, R., Gudmundsen, G., Raviv, T., et.al. (2008), regarding forgiveness
after September 11th attacks associated with coping distress and religiousness wherein it is stated
that religiousness may encourage individuals to value forgiveness without necessarily enabling
them to forgive. The ability of a person to forgive depends on the situation, for the Filipinos the
act of forgiving is not considered as a hard thing to do. The impact of pain caused by the
offender will determine if forgiveness will be given easily or not. For Filipinos, forgiveness is
letting go of pain and anger and accepting what happened. Furthermore, forgiving an offender is
a way of giving chances. It is a chance for the offenders to change themselves and to correct the
offense done.

Conclusion
Pain, though experienced by the Filipinos due to varied circumstances might be too
agonizing that they can’t even explain it. It also has an impact on Filipinos’ lives both negatively
and positively. Moreover, Filipinos do not close their doors in forgiving the offender; they do
think that forgiving someone is necessary and not a hard thing to do; but, the capacity of an
individual to forgive will still depend on the offense made. Filipinos look at forgiveness as not
equivalent to the following terms: forgetting, pardoning and reconciling. Forgiveness for them is
like giving the offender a chance to change and correct the action done. Also noted, that the
disposition to forgive is connected to an individual’s religiousness or spirituality. Before a person
can grant forgiveness they should undergo a process. The process of forgiveness include: Grief
and under of it is questioning, next is Empathy and Acceptance. Since Filipinos thought that
acceptance is the key to forgive, it is the last process involved in forgiveness. Forgiving an
offender will result to positivity towards life, moving on with life and “kaginhawaan ng loob” o
“Pagluwag ng dibdib”

Direction for Future Use

With the findings of the study, the researchers recommend to the subjects to read the
study and be able to understand themselves as how their responses are interpreted. For those
subjects who haven’t forgiven the offender and still in the process of doing it, it might be of help
if they could first identify the cause of their unforgiving response. The researchers recommend
that they may possibly find time to grieve over the situation. It is essential to acknowledge the
pain in order for them to accept what the present situation is and eventually be able to forgive the
offender. Human connection is important in releasing pain. The researchers recommend them to
have “mapaghihingahan” o “mapagsasabihan ng problema.” It can be a relative, a friend or a
counselor, someone whom they can entrust their problems with. They may read articles and
studies about forgiveness for them to be aware of the benefits of it, for it may serve as their
encouragement to forgive or shift their negative response towards the offender. As for the
subjects who have already forgiven the offender, the researchers recommend them to continue
the positivity that they have towards life. May they find inner peace and joy through their
decision of forgiving. Since pain is inevitable and a natural human experience, they may focus
on the learnings and realizations that pain could give them, for it may help them not to be scared
or be traumatized whenever it would come their way.For the psychologists and future researchers
who would be able to read this study, the researchers recommend to them to conduct further
studies regarding self-forgiveness particularly focusing on the perspective of the offender and the
correlation of forgiveness and self-healing. Further study with regard to the factors that hinder
Filipinos to forgive is also recommended. To acquire more insights about the topic on hand is
also recommended with a larger number of subjects. This study is recommended as a reference
to psychologists for them to be able to develop intervention programs suited for those
unforgiving individuals.

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Witvliet%20et%20al.,%202001
Appendix
Subject 1

View of pain Nature of pain Degree of pain

(cause of pain) (impact of pain)

“ Marami eh, maraming klase ng “Ahh.. yun nga, yung namatay yung “Hindi ko kayang ilarawan eh, basta kasi,
sakit, sakit sa love, sakit sa family.” mga kapatid ko tapos yung mommy ko, ahh..ah.. mahirap kasing ilarawan yung pain na
yun yung dahilan kung bakit ako naranasan ko kasi ano eh, hindi lang siya basta
nasasaktan.” basta na sakit na alam mo yun na pagka
nasaktan ka na siguro ilang araw lang, o ilang
buwan, matatanggap mo na agad eh. Pero ito
iba eh iba talaga yung sakit”

Impact of pain on subject’s lives View of Forgiveness

Negative: “Sa forgiveness naman, lahat naman tayo nakakapagpatawad pero depende siguro sa
“Sa family ng mga suspect, kahit sitwasyon.”
na nagkakasalubong kami wala “Siguro masasabi ko nga na ganun ang pagpapatwad eh madali lang naman yan ibigay
hindi nalang nagpapansinan.” depende lang talaga sa sitwasyon or kung gaano kaliit o kalaki ang kasalanan naggawa
Positive: sa’yo.”
(1)“Siguro yung magandang “Kailangan pero siguro ako kasi para sa akin hindi naman kasi ako Diyos para hindi
naidulot nito sakin is yung tapang magpatawad, siguro at the right time mapapatwad ko din sila kapag tanggap na tanggap ko
ba, yung tapang na harapin mo na yung nangyari.”
yung mga pagsubok na dadating “Pag napatawad kona sila, alangan naman na okay na, close close na. Alangan naman na
sa’yo.” pwede na sabihin nila sakin na, oh okay na pala eh, palayain mo na kami. Kasi siyempre
(2)“Ang naidulot sakin nito is mahirap yun, dapat pinagsisisihan nila yung ginawa nila.”
yung, huwag ka lang susuko” “Siguro dadating din yung time na makakapagpatawad ako pero continuous padin na
pagsisisihan nila yung ginawa nila.

Subject 2

Processes Subjects’ view of life after the incident & after coming up with a
decision.

“Hindi komalamanwalanamankamingkaaway” “Ayon, mas naging strong ako, mas nagingmatatagako,

ikawbanamanmawalankang 3 kapatid at ngnanay.”
“Taposnaisipkonalangbaka may atrasoyung father
kosakanila kaya siguronaghigantiimbesnamaghigantisa “Medyo okay okay na medyowalana, medyonakarecovernadin ako
father ko, saaminnalang family.” eh, mahirap din magtanimnggalitsakapwa”

“Siguro at the right time mapapatawadko din sila, “Gusto ko kasi maging matatag para tularan ako ng iba.”
kapagtanggapnatanggapkonaangnangyari.”
 View of pain Nature of pain
(cause of pain)

“Pain kasi hindi lang siya basta kumikirot, hindi lang “To make it short the most hurtful thing for me is that when someone
yung namamaga, kung baga may dahilan kung bakit whom I trusted the most will lie to me. Dishonesty is a pain for me.”
masakit. Pain burden siya sa’yo, yung dinadala mo na
kahit gaano mo siya iwasang isipin part of it lagi mo “Yung college ako may naranasan akong masakit din na pangyayari
siyang naiisip. Pain is a burden na lagi mong dala.” my father was stub to death sinaksak siya hanggang sa mamatay siya
and nakita ko yun personally.”
Degree of pain Impact of pain on subject’s lives
(impact of pain)

“Yes it is painful so much painful for me” Positive:

“Sa personality mas lalong tumibay, mas lumakas ang fighting
“Of course walang duda masakit talaga siya” spirit.”

“After niyang mawala parang I hit a rock nagcracked yung shell ko

doon ko nakita and nagdeepen yung realizations ko.”

“Sa relationship ko with others mas naging outgoing.”

“Parang mas naging positive pa yung outlook ko sa buhay.”

Subject 3

View of pain Nature of pain Degree of pain

(cause of pain) (impact of pain)
“Siyempre kapag nasaktan ka
feeling mo nakalimutan ka ng “Ayan yung nangyari sa amin noong “Walang katulad, napakasakit.”
Diyos parang hindi nadinig yung December.”
dinadasal mo basta yon.” (Experienced being robbed by armed “Napakasakit ang sakit nakakaiyak
individuals, her son tried to defend them hanggang ngayon”
and because of that his right leg was
shot.)
View of Forgiveness
Impact of pain subject’s lives
“Kapag forgiveness kakalimutan mo na yung nangyari tapos hindi mo na
Negative: aalalahanin. Siyempre forgive kung humingi sa’yo ng tawad ng personal.”
“Sa totoo lang kapag nalabas ako
wala na akong tiwala sa tao sa “Hindi naman, hindi din depende sa kaso yata.”
labas.”
“Oo naman. Gaya ko nag-aaral ako ng bible tao lang naman ako na minsan
Positive: nakakapagsalita na hindi ako makakapagpatawad pero kung susunod tayo sa
“Walang maggawa kung hindi ang bible dapat nakakapagpatawad tayo.”
tatagan”
 Processes Subjects’ view of life after the incident & after coming up with
a decision.

“Hindikongamalamanangiisipinkosamagnanakaw eh “ Sa akin namantuloylangangbuhay. Kailanganhindisila maging

kung intension pumatay oh ano” hadlang para samgaanakko.Tuloylangangbuhay,
tuloylangperosiyemprenandoonyungpag-iingat. Nangangarap din
namanakonamagnegosyo din kahittakotakosakapaligiran. Ayun.”

Subject 4

View of pain Nature of pain Degree of pain

(cause of pain) (impact of pain)

“ Para sa akin yung sakit sa kalooban yun ang “Pisikal at mental na pananakit sakin “Halos hindi ko na
meaning sa akin ng sakit eh, hindi yung sakit sa ng tatay ko.” maipaliwanag kung anong
labas. Di bale yung labas eh, basta ang meaning sa klase ng pain ang
akin nung sakit, yung sakit sa loob.” “Siguro nasasaktan ako kasi, sarili naramdaman ko eh, hindi ko
kong tatay o sarili kong kapamilya na maipaliwanag siguro lahat
yung gumawa sakin ng hindi ng klaseng pain.”
maganda. Tsaka alam mo sa sarili mo
na wala ka namang ginagawang
kasalanan, siguro yan ang isa sa mga
pinaka masakit sakin.”

Impact of pain on subject’s lives View of Forgiveness

Negative: “Ang pagpapatawad siguro yung alisin mo

“Parang madali din uminit yung ulo ko, kasi parang naging defensive ako lahat ng galit mo sa puso mo.”
masyado sa sarili ko,”
“Kapag nagalit ako, parang hindi ko napipigil yung galit ko.” “Para sa akin siguro hindi naman. Basta
Positive: bukas ang isip mo na magpatawad.”
“Kada naman nagagawa ko yung nakakapalo ako, nararamdaman ko sa sarili
ko na nagsisisi ako kasi ayoko ng ganun eh, ayokong iparamdam dun sa mga “Dapat talaga tayong magpatawad kasi
anak ko yung naranasan ko.” hindi tayo mabubuhay sa mundo kung
“Naging ano ko eh, parang madali akong mahabag sa mga tao, yun naman hindi tayo marunong magpatawad.
yung positive na epekto sakin, madali akong maawa, lalo kapag may nakikita Kung ang Diyos nga marunong
akong ganoon, gusto ko hindi ko saktan yung mga anak ko.” magpatawad, bakit tayo hindi? Kaya
dapat tayong mga tao nagpapatawad.”

Processes Subjects’ view of life after the incident & after coming up with a
decision.

“Alam mong tatay mo siya, alam mong hindi ka “Ako, positive

niya dapat saktan, siya ang poprotekta sa’yo, siya yungnagingepektosakinkasisasarilikolumuwagyungdibdibkokasiwala
pa ang mananakit sa’yo.” akongtinanimnagalit, yunyungepektosakin noon”

“Siguro yung mga time na nangyari sakin yun, na “Madaliakongmaawa,

nagawa sakin ni tatay, siguro may mga pinagdadaanan madaliakongahm..malambotyungpusokokapagnakakakitaakongmgan
siya sa buhay o kaya naman ay may problema siya.” aapi, naano, malambotyungpusoko.”

“Napatawadkonayungtataykokasilahatnunggalitkosapu
sokowalanatalaga eh.”
Subject 5

View of pain Nature of pain Degree of pain

(cause of pain) (impact of pain)

“Heto yung pakiramdam na masakit dulot “Ahm siguro yung judgment ng ibang “Yun lang siguro masakit talaga
ng taong importante sa’yo o mahalaga tao at judgment ko sa mga bagay bagay. para sa akin yung judgment. 9 out
sa’yo, pwede din dahil sa kapwa mo.” Yun yung nagiging masakit kasi hindi of 10”
ko natatanggap. Madalas hindi ko
matanggap kung ano yung reality tsaka
kung sa ano yung gusto ko. Ayun yung
masakit sa akin.”
View of Forgiveness
Impact of pain on subject’s lives
“Forgiveness heto yung pagbibigay ng chance sa isang tao na
Negative: pagkatiwalaan mo ulit sila. Yun yung forgiveness meaning
“Kasi nawala nga ako sa sarili ko, tapos negative kasi bigyan mo ng pagkakataon na mawala yung pain or mabigyan ng
nasasaktan ko yung sarili ko alam ko yung pain na pagkakataon na pagkatiwalaan yung mga taong nakasakit sa’yo.”
nararanasan ko hindi lang siya dahil sa judgment ng
ibang tao mas nasasaktan kasi ako sa judgment ko sa “Iba yung pagpapatawad sa forgetting yung sa akin napapatawad
sarili ko na feeling ko totoo sinasabi ng iba yun yung ko sila, nawawala yung galit ko sa kanila pero yung sakit na
negative.” dinulot nila ay hindi kasi feeling ko kasama ko na yun habang
buhay kasi ayun ang bumuo ng pagkatao ko.”
Positive:
“Buong buhay ko hindi ako nagexplain, I never explain “Of course dapat talaga tayong magpatawad.”
myself to anyone instead
I proved them wrong.”

“Mas na encourage ako na mafulfill ko yung sarili ko.”

Processes Subjects’ view of life after the incident & after coming up with a decision.

“Ginawakoyung best ko para “Sabikongakanina gusto kodumatingyungpanahonyungbagoakomagsettle down

magingmabutingkaibigansakanya, ayokokasingmadalahanggangpagtandayungganoongsakit eh.”
kaya langjinudgeniyapadinako. Hindi
ko inakalana kaya niyanggawin.” “ Gustoko mas magingmaayosyung future ko, gusto kong mas magingmaayosyung
perspective ko, perception kosamgabagaybagay para hindiakomasyadongmasaktan.”

“ Gustokopagdatingngpanahon kaya
konasiyangihandlenghindimabigatnaparangpitiknalang ay
masakitperohanggangdoonnalanghindinayungdadamdamin.”
Subject 6
View of pain Nature of pain Degree of pain
(cause of pain) (impact of pain)

“Pain for me is like a traumatic “I felt I was unloved by my own father, “Sobrang painful
experience that is happening or tapos I was treated like a battered child, nanadalakopadin siya until
happened in one’s life. Para siyang yun by him. Kaya I felt unloved, that’s a now.”
isang ghost na nagha-hunt sa isang tao, traumatic experience for me. Painful.”
sa everday living mo.”
Impact of pain on
subject’s lives View of Forgiveness

Negative: “Forgiveness is letting go of what happened.

“Naging rebellious akosa family, nagingun-respectful din ako.” Forgiving a person that once caused you
pain in the past. Yun forgiveness, letting go,
“Lagiakongnagkukulongsakwarto, gusto ko mag-isa ako, ayokong may acceptance.
kausapsabahay.”
“Yes, yes of course. Kasi once you forgive
you accept the fact that something bad that
had happened to you will not be changed. “

“It depends. It depends sa pain

naginawasa’yo o nangyari.”

“Hindi ko siya makakalimutan pero I leave

it behind.”

“Yes, I’ve forgiven na. Yun nga lang

affected na yung relationship namin, di
kami at ease.”

Processes Subjects’ view of life after the incident & after coming up with a decision.

“Accept the fact that “Negative person kasiv akopessimist? Siguronungna-accept konayun with the help of my
something bad that had friends, their advices, with the help of them tsaka through religious words ayunyungpoint
happened to you will not be of view kosabuhaykonabagoparangnaging mas positive naakosabuhayko.”
changed.”
“Hindi konamansinasabing best, peronaging better ako, nag-improve yungsariliko.”

“Tinulungan ako ng pagpapatawad nay un na maging confident sa sarili ko”