FEEL BETTER

ABOUT YOU
10 Steps
to Greater
Self-Acceptance
By Tina Thrussell

One of the many life-enhancing resources

available to you through

www.bestucanb.ca
[email protected]
FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOU
10 Steps to
Greater Self-acceptance
We extend our thanks to the many wise people who have
shared such brilliant words over the years. We are honored to
share their thoughts with you in the form of quotations
scattered throughout this publication.

Our appreciation is also extended to the many talented people

who offered their feedback during the process of creating this
book.

Published by Best U Can B Inc.

63 Martin Crossing Park NE
Calgary, AB T3J 3N7
Canada

www.bestucanb.ca

First printing September 2006, © Best U Can B Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced

nor transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any
storage or retrieval system, without written permission from
Best U Can B Inc.

Cover design and book layout provided by NikDesigns

[email protected]
 Table of Contents

Step One: Be Grateful . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1

Step Two: Choose Your Attitude . . . . . . . . . . . . .3

Step Three:
Acknowledge Your Achievements . . . . . . . . . . . .5

Step Four: Watch Your Self-Talk . . . . . . . . . . . . .7

Step Five: Lighten Up! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9

Step Six: Practise the 90/10 Secret . . . . . . . . . . .11

Step Seven: Acknowledge Your Strengths . . . .13

Step Eight:
Step Outside Your Comfort Zone . . . . . . . . . . . .15

Step Nine: Do What You Love to Do! . . . . . . . .17

Step Ten:
Care Less About the Opinion of Others . . . . . .19
 FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOU
10 Steps to
Greater Self-acceptance

Step One:
Be Grateful
"Count your blessings and you will be blessed."

The simplicity of this step may cause you to doubt

its power to change your life.

It takes just one minute every day to express

gratitude for the things and people you have in
your life, but that one minute can make a huge
impact.

Test it!

Write down a number that represents how you

feel right now, on a scale of 1 to 10.

Feel Better About You 1

Now make a list of 5 things or people that you are
grateful for in your life.

After you've written your list, write down the

number that represents how you feel.

Nine times out of ten, you'll select a number

higher after this simple little exercise. Why?
Because focusing attention on all that you have
to be grateful for — a warm bed to sleep in, clean
water from the tap, your family, the ability to see,
friends — shifts your thinking to a positive state.
Thoughts affect feelings, so positive thoughts
create positive feelings — happiness, peace,
contentment, joy.

ACTION STEP:
Make it a daily practise to write down a minimum
of 3 gratitudes.

The more you are grateful, the more you will

have to be grateful for!

2 Feel Better About You

 Step Two:
Choose Your Attitude
"An optimist believes her dreams will come true;
a pessimist believes her nightmares will come
true."

Your attitude is your perspective on life.

Whether you choose to see all that goes wrong in

any given situation, or choose to focus on what's
right in any given situation, the fact is that you
choose what you think.

Remember, your thoughts generate your feelings,

so use your feelings as a guide to monitor what
you are thinking. If you're feeling negative
emotions — sadness, anger, disappointment,
frustration — then it's a clue that you are focusing
on thoughts that make you unhappy.

Looking for the 'gift' in a situation, rather than

focusing on the 'terribleness' or looking for the
'lesson' that it has to offer will truly brighten your
perspective on the world.

Feel Better About You 3

Choose to see the glass half full, rather than half
empty, and you'll feel more positive and have
greater hope for your future.

ACTION STEP:
Actively look for the gift in any situation. Stop
complaining! Talk about what's right in your life
instead of what's wrong.

Look at the bright side of life and that is what

you will see!

4 Feel Better About You

 Step Three:
Acknowledge Your Achievements
"Confidence is the quality of being certain of
your abilities..."

Acknowledging your achievements creates an

awareness of all that you are capable of.

Recognizing what you have accomplished will

build your confidence, rather than make you a
braggart, as the adults in your life may have tried
to tell you when you were a child.

Each of your achievements is a success, and each

success you experience, no matter how great or
how small, builds your confidence by reinforcing
your belief in your abilities.

Too often we take for granted what we do, not

realizing the significance of those tasks. An
example is the mother who simply trudges
through each day, arranging for a multitude of
tasks to be completed and co-ordinating the
children's schedules, without even thinking about

Feel Better About You 5

it. If she doesn't stop to acknowledge what she
has accomplished each day, then she won't realize
what amazing organizational skills she has
developed through this process, or how reliable
she has become.

ACTION STEP:
Take the time to write down at least 3 of your
successes each day - even those that you take for
granted, like following a self-care routine,
cooking a nice meal for your family, or smiling at
a stranger to brighten his/her day.

Acknowledge your success and you pave the way

for even greater success.

6 Feel Better About You

 Step Four:
Watch Your Self-Talk
"You can build yourself up, or tear yourself
down; the choice is yours."

You're not alone if you sometimes have negative

thoughts about yourself.

You and I both have a little voice inside our heads

saying things like "oh, you idiot! What did you do
that for?" or "Who do you think you are!? You
can't do that!"

That voice is often a replay of words you heard

when you were a child. Please understand that
just because someone said it to you, it doesn't
mean it is true!

It's important to notice when that little voice is

talking, because the more often you hear a certain
message, the more you believe it. If you're telling
yourself you're no good, you're going to believe
it. To feel better about yourself you must replace
that negative self talk with more supportive self

Feel Better About You 7

talk like "Hey! I'm smart — I can see I need to do
this differently next time" or "Of course I can do
that!"

ACTION STEP:
Notice when that little voice is talking, tell it to
stop. Actually say "stop!" or "cancel that!" (or
whatever phrase works for you) and then replace
the negative thought with a more positive,
supportive thought.

Offer yourself the support that you may not be

getting otherwise and you'll quickly begin to feel
better about you!

8 Feel Better About You

 Step Five:
Lighten Up!
"Laughter is the best medicine."

Instead of working at creating a good life for

yourself, Play with creating a good life for your-
self! Incorporate play and laughter into your day.

Life is far more fun when you quit taking yourself

so seriously. Find the humour — the non-serious
element — in situations. Share stories about your
day and laugh at the things that went 'wrong'.

Take time for leisure, pleasure and relaxation —

recreation time is time to re-create a balance in
your life that allows you to enjoy it.

Flow. If you can't flow, then flee! (This means

take frequent breaks from your tasks, duties and
the people around you.)

"We must learn to give ourselves permission to

blunder, to fail, and to make fools of ourselves
every day for the rest of our lives."

Feel Better About You 9

Accept the fact that people make mistakes —
even you. Mistakes are a wonderful thing! If you
make mistakes, it means you're taking risks, and
if you're taking risks, you're willing to grow.

Be flexible. Instead of getting stuck in your ways,

be open to new ideas and new ways of doing
things. This brings interest and variety to your
life. (And prevents you from getting uptight
when others do things differently from the way
you would do them!)

ACTION STEP:
All of the above!

Lighten up and make laughter, rather than anger,

your most common response to life.

10 Feel Better About You

 Step Six:
Practise the 90/10 Secret
"A person cannot directly choose her circum-
stances, but she can choose her thoughts and so,
indirectly, yet surely, shape her circumstances."

Understand and live by this secret and it will

change your life: 10% of life is what happens and
90% of life is how you react.

Stuff happens and you react and how you react

determines what happens next. It's a simple law
of reality: action + reaction = outcome.

Change the reaction to any action, and you

change the outcome. You have the power to
influence any situation.

Example: Your child spills a cup of coffee all over

your brand new suit and you react.

Scenario One: You yell at your child for being such

a klutz, crushing her confidence. She begins to
cry, making you feel guilty and then angry. "Quit

Feel Better About You 11

crying!" you shout. You're both feeling awful and
those negative feelings carry on throughout the
day.

Scenario Two: You calmly say "honey, please pay

attention to what you're doing and you'll find
these kinds of accidents won't happen", empow-
ering your child. "Let's just clean this up together
and carry on." The scene is soon over and you
both feel good.

Either scenario began with the same incident —

the spilling of the cup of coffee — that 10% of
life that is stuff that happens. Yet each scenario
had a different outcome based on your reaction.

ACTION STEP:
Stop and breathe deeply before you say anything
in reaction to a situation. After your deep breath,
think about how you can respond to gain a
positive result.

Remember the 90/10 secret is choosing how you

respond to things outside of your control so you
can create a happier life for yourself.

12 Feel Better About You

 Step Seven:
Acknowledge Your Strengths
Use what talents you possess: the woods would
be very silent if no birds sang except those that
sang best."

Focusing on your strengths will bring you the

same confidence that step 3 — focusing on your
accomplishments — does. It's ironic, because society
focuses on the opposite — weaknesses. For example,
school children are challenged to focus on
becoming better at what they're not good at,
rather than building on what they are good at.
Step out of that mindset and shift what you're
focusing on to shift how you feel. Instead of
moaning about what you can't do, celebrate
what you can do. You have certain talents and
skills that allow you to be good at doing some-
thing -— be it cooking, singing, organizing or
painting. Rather than compare yourself to any-
one else's talents or skills (there will always be
someone with better skills or greater talent than
you AND someone with far less than you)

Feel Better About You 13

acknowledge that you have strengths that allow
you to do some things very well.

Recognize that your strengths go beyond your

talent and skills. Think about all the qualities,
characteristics, and traits that you admire in
others. For you to recognize those traits in others,
you must hold them yourself. And you hold them
in a blend that makes you beautifully unique.
Admit it! You are a caring, loyal (honest, depend-
able, responsible, fun-loving, etc) and loving
person, too, just like the people you admire!

ACTION STEP:
Take a few minutes each day to write down your
admirable qualities, characteristics, skills, talents
and traits and accept them as part of you.

Just as you feel wonderful when you do what you

love to do (honouring your strengths of talent
and skill) you'll feel wonderful when you focus on
what's likable about you!

14 Feel Better About You

 Step Eight:
Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
"Don't be afraid to expand yourself, to step out
of your comfort zone. That's where the joy and
the adventure lie."

The commonly used phrase 'comfort zone' refers

to your space - the space that is familiar to you.
That space has physical aspects — (for example,
you like to keep 3 feet between you and whoever is
talking to you) — mental aspects — (as in thinking
about things in the same familiar way) — and
emotional aspects. (An example might be that
you only go out with people you know well,
rather than risk the rejection you might feel in
the process of trying to make new friends.)

It's tempting to stay inside your comfort zone

because everything is familiar there and you feel
safe. But staying in your comfort zone is like
being stuck in a rut. Life can be boring when you
never venture outside and stretch yourself. Yes,
stepping outside your comfort zone means
getting a little uncomfortable. Sometimes it's

Feel Better About You 15

downright scary! But it's worth the short term
discomfort to experience new places, new thinking,
new things and new people. Doing what's
unfamiliar or uncomfortable is how you learn.
Learning brings growth, excitement and vitality
to your life. Once you've tried it the first time, it
becomes more comfortable and eventually, a
wonderful experience.

ACTION STEP:
Do something new that you've never tried
before. (It may be as simple as walking in the rain
without a raincoat. Or saying hi to a stranger. Or
trying an ethnic food that you've never tasted
before.) After you've tried it, pat yourself on the
back for having the courage to try something
new. Tell someone about your experience. Tell
them what you liked and didn't like about it.
Then repeat… on a weekly basis!

There are few things quite as satisfying as the

feeling of pride you experience when you've
learned something new.

16 Feel Better About You

 Step Nine:
Do What You Love to Do!
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly try-
ing to make you something else is the greatest
accomplishment."

Doing what you love to do, not what you have to

do, or should do, is one of the greatest gifts you
can give yourself… and the world. Doing what
you love, regardless of what other people think
about it, is honouring who you are.

When you do what you love, the world seems

shiny, bright and full of hope. Your troubles
disappear as you lose yourself in the wonder of
the moment. When you allow yourself the time
and space to do what you love, you live more joy-
fully, which can only have a positive impact on
everyone around you… making the world a
brighter place.

ACTION STEP:
Lay on the floor with a big sheet of paper and
some crayons. Play some soft, soothing music and

Feel Better About You 17

lose yourself in the memory of the things you
loved to do when you were younger. Draw out
the activities you did, the places you visited, and
the things you dreamed about doing. Then pick
one and do it within the next 30 days.

Bring true joy into your life by engaging yourself

in the activities that you love.

18 Feel Better About You

 Step Ten:
Care Less About
the Opinion of Others
"No one can make you feel inferior without your
consent."

Have you ever given up on an idea because some-

one told you it was dumb and would never work?
Did you ever believe someone who told you that
you weren't smart enough, old enough, young
enough, etc? Did you ever throw out a favourite
old shirt because someone told you they were
embarrassed to see you in it?

Too many people stifle their dreams, give up

what they love, and lose their confidence over
what other people say to them.

Whatever other people say to you is only their

opinion, not truth. Therefore, care less about the
non-supportive opinion of others! What matters
is your truth. When you listen to your heart, you
know what's right for you. You know what makes
you feel good.
Feel Better About You 19
ACTION STEP:
The next time someone offers you an opinion
that doesn't support you, thank them for their
opinion and walk away. Tell yourself that it's just
their opinion and you know_____________. (Fill in
the blank with what you need to hear to counter
their opinion.) Eg. A co-worker says to you, "you
weren't thinking of applying for that new position
were you? It'll be too stressful for you to handle."
You thank them for their concern and say to your-
self "That's just his opinion. I know stress is all
about how you handle a situation. I know how to
let go. I would really enjoy this new position."

When you trust your own words rather than other

people's opinions, you'll make better choices for
yourself.

20 Feel Better About You

Be patient with yourself. As you adopt
these steps to self-acceptance, you may
feel like you're taking two steps for-
ward and one step back…. feeling that
you're slipping, just when you thought
you were making progress.

Getting rid of a bad habit, like negative self-talk,

can be quite challenging. Just when you think
you've got the habit kicked, you relax and then
find yourself falling into the same old patterns
again.

You're not alone. That exasperating sense of

having lost all that you'd gained is a common
frustration for people who are actively seeking to
make changes in their life, improve their lifestyle,
and increase their success.

Tina and Neil Thrussell (the co-founders of Best U

Can B Inc) have found, both through personal
and professional experience, that the best way to
keep moving forward, is to seek — and accept —
support.

Feel Better About You 21

With any goal they've ever set and met, with any
habit they've managed to change, their success
was faster and easier when they sought support.
They therefore encourage you to do the same...
ask for help. Asking is a sign of strength, not
weakness.

Even asking a family member or friend to support

you in your challenge — to remind you about
your goal to cut down on sugar when you reach
for that next cookie or to call you and ask if
you've scheduled time for that project you wanted
to complete this week — can keep you on track
with meeting your goal or challenge successfully.

Even more effective than family and friends is the

support of like-minded individuals. People who
understand your desire to make changes in your
life that will bring you the confidence, happiness
and success (whether it be in relationships, in
business, etc) you desire in your life. Whether it's
to eliminate an unsupportive habit or develop a
new supportive habit, whether you want to finish
up an unfinished project or learn to deal with
your partner or kids without blowing up in anger,
whether you want to discover what you want to
do with your life or establish your own business...

22 Feel Better About You

the support of like-minded individuals who are
actively taking steps to improve their own lives in
some way will help you reach your desired goal
sooner and with greater ease.

Tina and Neil know this works because they've

been members of support groups led by profes-
sional coaches and have benefited greatly from
these experiences, achieving their goals faster
and with less struggle.

Their own increase in success, resulting from

participation in these 'group coaching' environ-
ments, is what prompted them to develop ON
TRACK.

Feel Better About You 23

ON TRACK is a program of monthly seminars
specifically designed to provide you with tools for
developing a positive lifestyle. At each session
(held one evening each month) you will be
introduced to new concepts and supportive
habits. Through experiential exercises and
conversation, you will gain insights into
approaching life differently, to lessen your
struggle and increase your success.

To help keep you on track with your personal

growth and development, you will set intentions
(mini goals) each month. To keep you account-
able for meeting those intentions, you will
connect with your ON TRACK 'partner' mid-
month, providing the extra boost you need to
complete your goals so that, at the next session
you can celebrate your accomplishments with
fellow members (like-minded individuals who are
just as interested in your success as their own).

This is an important feature of the program, for

acknowledging your accomplishments will build
your self-confidence by allowing you to see your
capabilities. This gives you the strength to face
even bigger challenges.

24 Feel Better About You

What topics can you expect to explore at ON
TRACK? As an example, the very first ON TRACK
session back in February of 2005 was entitled
“Clear the Clutter”. Enlightening discussions
revealed how clutter (both physical and mental!)
drains your energy and hampers your progress.
Ways of battling clutter were explored and the
participants set intentions to clear up some of
their physical clutter as well as complete undone
tasks.

Erin exclaimed at the end of the night, "I didn't

know what to expect, but this was great! I got a
lot out of this evening!"

At the March session, everyone reported

immense satisfaction with their accomplishments.
One by one the women marvelled at the
increased energy and positive feelings they
experienced by clearing out stuff they no longer
used and by completing the little undone tasks
that they never seemed to get around to before.
Tina and Neil provided chocolate to celebrate the
successes of the newly energized ON TRACK
members!

Get yourself and your life On Track!

Feel Better About You 25

 JOIN ON TRACK TODAY
Check www.bestucanb.ca for the next session
commencement date

or e-mail: [email protected].

26 Feel Better About You

Tina Thrussell is the co-founder
of Best U Can B Inc, whose
mission is to open doors for
people, shifting the quality of
their lives from 'good' to
'great'. Her greatest love is
sharing information and watch-
ing people grow, and for this
reason she writes inspirational works and remains
the key facilitator for the company.

Testimonials from people who have been positively

impacted by her presentations affirm that she offers
fun, interactive learning. Her energy and enthusiasm
are contagious. She speaks from her heart, touching
lives through a variety of seminars, workshops, and
weekend retreats, and through group coaching.

For more information about the transformational

work of Best U Can B Inc, visit www.bestucanb.ca.

Feel Better About You - 10 Steps to Greater Self-

Acceptance is a publication of Best U Can B Inc.

CDN: $8.95
USD: $8.00