WEDNESDAY – S01E02 – WOE IS THE

LONELIEST NUMBER | TRANSCRIPT

 December 5, 2022

The sheriff questions Wednesday about the night's strange happenings. Later, Wednesday faces off

against a fierce rival in the cutthroat Poe Cup race.

Original release date: November 23, 2022

Wednesday convinces a skeptical Sheriff Galpin that the perpetrator of the murders is in fact a
monster. Suddenly, Rowan reappears unharmed. Wednesday doubts her sanity and decides to
investigate the murders herself. She roams the campus inquiring about Rowan and is told that he
has been expelled. Meanwhile, Weems grows worried about Wednesday’s visions, keeping close
tabs on her. Wednesday confronts a defensive Rowan as he leaves the school and sends Thing to
follow him. Rowan is revealed to be Weems who has shapeshifted into him, and Thing loses them.
Wednesday has visions of a book belonging to an old students’ society. In her search for the book,
she overhears Bianca planning to rig the upcoming student tournament. Wednesday joins Enid to
defeat Bianca and win the tournament. Later, Wednesday discovers a hidden library within the
school, where she is captured.
 ***
[low, menacing music plays]
[police radio chatter]
[Wednesday] This story is about to take a dark turn.
[dogs barking]
[sirens wailing]
Usually, I love dark turns.
Like when the carousel brakes mysteriously failed at my eighth birthday party.
But not this one.
[barks]
[sighs] We’ve been searching for hours, Sheriff.
The dogs need a break.
Think we missed something?
I say we double back, sweep Collet Creek, and then call it a night.
Okay.
[gloomy, bombastic music plays]
How could you miss a dead body?
‘Cause it wasn’t there.
No footprints, no blood, no sign of a struggle. Nothing, nada.
My search party looked all night.
Well, your search party must have left their seeing-eye dogs at home.
I saw that monster kill Rowan right in front of me.
Get a good look at this monster thing?
It didn’t stick around for a chat.
Maybe it was one of your classmates.
Sheriff, I find that question offensive.
I don’t care, ’cause I got three other dead bodies in the morgue.
Hikers just ripped apart in the woods.
The mayor said those were bear attacks.
Well, the mayor and I disagree on that.
So you automatically assume a Nevermore student is the murderer, even though there’s no
evidence a crime was even committed.
I’m sorry. I forgot, you only teach the good outcasts here, right?
[Weems sighs]
My guess is Rowan ran away.
State troopers have put out an alert, and I’ve contacted his family, but they haven’t heard from him
either.
Dead people are notoriously bad at returning calls.
What were you doing out in the woods with him, Ms. Addams?
I heard a noise in the forest and went to go investigate.
That’s when I stumbled upon the attack.
Then what happened?
Then I ran into Bianca Barclay, and I told her to go for help.
Next thing I remember, I was awaking in my dorm.
And just to be clear, this monster wasn’t a bear or some other wild animal?
I’ve hibernated with grizzlies.
I know the difference.
Thank you, Sheriff.
I think Miss Addams is done now.
Actually, I would like to speak to Sheriff Galpin. Alone.
[unnerving chord plays]
I’m not sure I can allow that.
I’m sure I could take her to the station and get a formal statement.
Yeah, let’s go.
Fine.
You have five minutes, and everything is off the record.
Play nice… or I will call the mayor.
[door opens]
Someone is trying to cover up Rowan’s murder.
That’s the only reason to scrub the crime scene.
Is that your professional opinion as the daughter of a murderer?
My father’s twice the man you are, and the only thing he murders is the occasional opera in the
shower.
It’s been a long night. I’m tired of your games.
I’m not playing games.
I’m telling the truth.
You want to reject my claims but you can’t.
Why is that?
Because you and I both know there’s a monster out there.
And Rowan is his latest victim.
Sheriff?
What?
You’re gonna want to see this.
[mysterious, haunting music plays]
[Wednesday] Edgar Allan Poe said, “Believe nothing you hear and half of what you see.”
Clearly Nevermore’s most famous alumni picked that up here.
No wonder he became a drug-addled madman.
[jauntily macabre theme music plays]
[Kinbott] Help me understand why you claim you witnessed a murder.
Was it to gain attention?
Why should I bother telling you anything?
You’ve already decided I’m lying.
I know what I saw.
Your life’s had a lot of upheaval recently.
It’s okay to be confused about things.
Don’t try and lure me into one of your psychological traps.
No one is trying to trap you.
I’m here to help you process your emotions.
Emotions are a gateway trait.
They lead to feelings, which trigger tears.
I don’t do tears.
Tell me how you’re adjusting to school.
Sartre said, “Hell is other people.”
He was my first crush.
Wednesday, Part of the reason your parents sent you to Nevermore is so you could find your
people. Become part of a larger community.
I like being an island.
A well-fortified one surrounded by sharks.
Have you considered your antisocial tendencies might be motivated by fear of rejection?
If you were to reject me, I would not be upset.
You can’t get rid of me that easily.
And look, you made it through an entire session without trying to escape.
I’ll take that as a win.
[cuckoo clock chirping cheerfully]
[Tyler] Guess you decided to stick around Jericho.
Wait, you see Dr. Kinbott too?
You should know I’m legally required to be here.
Uh, me too. Court ordered.
Look at us. A couple of teenage tearaways.
[Tyler chuckles]
Hey, when you ran off last night at the Harvest Festival, I wasn’t sure what happened, and then I
heard…
Kinda crazy.
Everyone, including your father, believes I made it all up.
[cell phone pings]
You know, I…
Time to get in touch with my inner rebel.
You know, for the record, I believe you.
[delicate, cryptic music plays]
Ladies, come on! Let’s work on those teeth.
More scowl.
This kitty is taking no prisoners.
If Bianca Barclay wins again this year, I will literally scratch my own eyes out!
I would pay money to see that.
Howdy, roomie!
I’m so glad you decided to stay.
I thought you wanted your single room back.
Full disclosure, I don’t like living solo and Thing gives a killer neck massage.
It’s a win-win.
So… why the change of heart?
I refuse to play the role of a pawn in someone else’s corrupt game.
You mean Rowan?
I witnessed his murder, Enid.
It’s just, we all saw him this morning.
Very much, like, not dead.
I know.
Which leads me to believe I’ve been losing my mind.
It’s not nearly as fun as I had anticipated.
You’re Nevermore’s gossip queen. What’s Rowan’s story?
Other than being a weird loner… Uh…
No offense.
None taken.
Xavier Thorpe’s his roommate.
If you had a cell phone, you could just text him and ask him.
Yoko. Come on! Flare those whiskers.
The Poe Cup droops for no one.
What is the Poe Cup anyway?
My entire reason for living right now.
Part canoe race, part foot chase, no rules.
Each dorm has to pick an Edgar Allan Poe short story for inspiration.
You could grab a brush.
Ms. Thornhill’s just ordered pizza. Want to take a stab at being social?
I do like stabbing.
The social part, not so much.
Besides, it’ll cut into my writing time.
No worries.
Just as long as you’re lakeside cheering us to victory on race day.
Or you can just glare uncomfortably. Whatever works for you.
I’ve always hated the expression “write what you know.”
[typewriter dings]
It’s a hall pass for the imagination-impaired.
But when your life becomes a twisted mystery… maybe it’s time to lean into it.
[chilling music plays]
I need to speak with Rowan. I can’t find him.
It won’t be possible, I’m afraid. He’s been expelled.
For what?
Never you mind. He’ll be on the first train out this afternoon.
What were you doing out in the woods with him?
I told you already.
I heard a noise, and I went to investigate.
[scoffs]
That excuse might have placated the sheriff, but you can’t fool me.
You had a psychic vision, didn’t you?
[mysterious music playing]
I realized you might be having them when we passed by the accident and you knew that poor
farmer had broken his neck.
Your mother started having visions around your age.
They were notoriously unreliable and dangerous.
I remember at first, she thought she might be losing her mind.
Have you spoken to her about them?
Clearly the person withholding information here is you.
May I go now?
Not until you’ve picked your extracurricular activity.
We want our students to be well-rounded.
I’d prefer to remain sharp-edged.
I took the liberty of putting together a list of clubs that have openings.
How thoughtful.
You need to have picked one by the end of the day.
I’ll be keeping my eye on you.
No doubt you’ll find something that tickles your fancy.
The last person who tickled me lost a finger.
[choir practices scales in distance]
Weems is clearly trying to keep tabs on me.
Keep an eye on Rowan.
Don’t let your fingers out of his sight.
♪ We got scales on scales on scales On scales on scales on scales ♪
♪ On scales on scales on scales ♪
Weems said you’d be stopping by.
But to be honest, after your performance at the Harvest Festival, drama club might be more your
speed.
After I passed out, who did you tell? The sheriff?
You think I’d trust normie cops?
I went straight to Weems and let her handle it.
Anyway, let’s get this audition over with.
What are you? Alto, soprano or just loco?
[choir chuckles]
[piano note plays]
[inhales]
[no audible sound]
[glass shattering]
Huh?
[brittle cracking]
What was that?
A note only dogs can hear.
[choir harmonizing to the tune of “Don’t Worry Be Happy”]
[deep bass vocalizing]
[acapella scatting]
[soloist] ♪ Here’s a little song I wrote ♪
♪ You might want to sing it Note for note ♪
♪ Don’t worry ♪
♪ Be happy… ♪
Huh. You actually showed up. Ever shot a bow and arrow before?
Only on live targets.
Okay.
Square stance.
Load the arrow like this, yellow side out.
Three fingers.
Pull back and… let it fly.
Any questions?
When’s the last time you saw your roommate Rowan?
You mean the one that was killed by a monster?
The Harvest Festival. I haven’t talked to him since.
But his side of the room was all packed this morning.
Rowan’s always been a little off, but, uh, the last couple weeks he’s been more erratic.
You know, telekinesis can mess with your head, you know. He’s…
It started to freak me out.
So what’s the deal with you and Tyler?
I’m sorry, were you the only one who got to ask non-archery questions?
There is no deal. He was doing me a favor driving me out of town.
Yeah, word of advice. Steer clear.
Why? Because he’s a normie?
Tyler and his friends are jerks.
They can’t stand that this school’s propping up their Podunk town.
Says the boy whose life was served on a silver platter.
Hey, girls in glass houses…
Should throw bigger stones.
At least I’m not an elitist snob.
[bow string draws taut]
[plucky musical flourish]
Ouch.
[bees buzzing]
Are you interested in the ancient art of beekeeping?
[beekeeper chuckles]
Eugene. Eugene Ottinger.
Founder and president of the Nevermore Hummers.
Wednesday. Wednesday Addams.
Am I late or is it only you?
The hive life isn’t for everyone.
Most kids are afraid of venomous insects.
Are you willing to feel the sting?
[dramatic chord plays]
Bees have been producing honey in the same way for 150 million years.
They’re nature’s perfect community.
All working together to achieve a common goal.
Fun fact, it’s also one of the few ecosystems in which females dominate.
From the queen bee to her workers. There’s no patriarchy in the hive!
[curious, quirky music plays]
[sighs]
[Wednesday] Rowan! We need to talk.
Wednesday, I’m not allowed to speak to anyone.
You had a lot to say when you tried to kill me.
Told me I was destined to destroy the school, remember?
Where did you get that drawing?
I just went into the woods to clear my head.
Then you came after me.
Wednesday.
You shouldn’t be here.
Yeah, back off and leave me alone.
[door slams]
[engine turns over]
[bold, inquisitive music playing]
[bold, inquisitive music continues]
[bold music swells, fades away]
[quirky music plays]
[announcer speaking indistinctly over PA]
[train horn blares]
[low, foreboding music plays]
[mysterious whoosh]
I’m going to give you all the materials again…
How do you lose him in a bathroom with no windows?
A lefty wouldn’t have failed me.
Don’t sulk.
I’m going to have to find new evidence myself, since you lost our only lead.
I see you finally made a friend.
Even if it is a plant.
I go for quality over quantity.
[Xavier sighs]
There’s an open spot next to me.
If you can stand sitting that close to an elitist snob.
[eerie, unsettling music plays]
[sketch rustling]
I doubt Wednesday is impressed by your tricks, Mr. Thorpe.
Admit it, you’re a little impressed.
[thwack]
[students laugh]
Wednesday, we’re thrilled to have you join us on our journey into the world of carnivorous plants.
Now… who can tell us the name of this beauty?
Dendrophylax lindenii. Otherwise known as the ghost orchid. First discovered on the Isle of Wight
in 1854.
Very good, Wednesday.
You may have competition for first chair, Bianca.
[student] Ooh!
[subdued snickers]
Wednesday, perhaps you can identify the ghost orchid’s greatest qualities.
Resilience and adaptability.
It’s able to thrive in even the most hostile environments.
But its mere presence can change the ecosystem, causing the established plants to reject it.
Usually because the native species is allowed to thrive unchecked.
Nothing a Weedwacker couldn’t fix.
You can most certainly try.
Are we still talking about flowers?
[students chuckle]
Thank you, ladies, for those illuminating insights.
Clearly the plants aren’t the only carnivores in class today.
Good boy.
Watch your butt. Watch your butt.
Hey. Where you going with Elvis?
Just, uh… following a lead on a case.
You still believe there’s a creature out there, don’t you?
I heard you and Santiago talking. You think it’s a Nevermore kid?
Ran into your shrink.
She was kind of tight-lipped about your progress.
It’s called doctor-patient confidentiality.
How about father-son confidentiality?
What are you two yakking about?
Video games, cancel culture, oat milk versus soy, it’s a wild time.
I pay the bills, I got a right to ask.
We talk about Mom.
Remember her?
[Elvis whimpers]
Better not be talking crap about your old man.
I’ll be home late. You’re on your own for dinner.
Oh, damn.
I… I was hoping we could fire up the grill and then catch the big game.
Love these warm, fuzzy memories we’re making, Dad.
[tires screech]
I have to get back to the woods, but Weems has been watching me like a vulture circling a carcass.
And you want me to cover so that you can return to the scene of a crime that didn’t happen?
I have beekeeping club this afternoon.
I need you as decoy.
Sorry. Two strikes.
I’m busy and bees totally creep me out.
Why don’t you ask Thing? Wait, you can’t because he’s mad at you.
Why’s he mad? He’s the one who screwed up.
All I know is that we spent an hour giving each other manis, and he really opened up.
He feels like you don’t respect him as a person.
Technically, he’s only a hand.
Wednesday! He’s your family.
And he would do anything for you.
Go apologize and I’ll reconsider helping you.
[pages rustling]
I snapped at you. I’ll check my tone in the future.
Now chop-chop, before all our leads turn cold.
What is it that you want? Hand cream? Nail buffer?
New cuticle scissors?
Consider it done.
[tapping]
[Wednesday sighs]
I know I’m stubborn, single-minded and obsessive.
But those are all traits of great writers.
Yes. And serial killers.
What’s your point?
I have nothing to get off my chest, and I am not submitting to your emotional blackmail.
[tapping]
Fine.
When Rowan showed me this, it confirmed my greatest fear.
That I’m going to be responsible for something terrible.
Not good terrible, like Ivan.
Bad terrible.
And I can’t let that happen.
That’s why I need to find out the truth.
Breathe a word of this to anyone and I will end you.
[bees buzzing]
[Wednesday] If Weems comes sniffing around, keep your distance, look grim, and don’t say a word.
Payback is going to be a bitch.
I’d expect nothing less.
Blab and I will squeeze you like a honeycomb.
Snitches get stung.
It’s hive code.
Besides, I should be thanking you.
This is the most girls I’ve ever had in the shed.
Other than bees.
Shocking.
I’ve always had a thing for werewolf chicks.
The chance that Enid ever becomes romantically interested in you is less than 1%.
So I’ve still got a shot?
Yes!
In ancient times, honey was used to treat wounds and in sacrificial burial rites.
Cleopatra was rumored to bathe in honey.
Gave her skin a luminous glow.
You ever taken a honey bath?
I just don’t wanna get stung.
The key is to remain calm.
Bees detect fear, but you don’t need to worry.
Because I have a very big smoker, and I handle it like a pro.
Would you like to see it?
[Enid sighs]
[low, mysterious music playing]
[grunt in distance]
[jolting stinger]
[Elvis barks]
Sorry. I didn’t want Elvis to pick up on your scent.
Thanks. How’d you throw them off?
Uh…
[chuckles wryly]
Coffee grounds?
Deer-hunting hack.
One of the perks of being a part-time barista.
I assume your father didn’t bring the bloodhound to play fetch.
He doesn’t tell me shit.
You must think it’s weird I’m stalking him.
No, I consistently stalk my parents.
Hey, wait, what really happened the other night at the festival?
Look, I swear I won’t say anything to my dad.
I thought Rowan was in danger.
Turns out I was wrong.
Then he proceeded to use his telekinesis to try and choke me to death.
Holy shit. Wh… Why would he do that?
No idea. That’s when this monster came out of the shadows and gutted him.
Whoa. Whoa.
So… So you really saw it?
And it didn’t try to kill you?
It actually saved me from Rowan. That’s the part I’m trying to figure out.
I came here to find something that can prove he was murdered and that I haven’t lost my mind.
Yet.
[ominous music playing]
These are Rowan’s.
I knew it was a cover-up.
[eerie whooshing]
[Rowan] What are you talking about?
So much of my…
…my new desk, you psychopath!
[Xavier echoing]
Speaking of that…
You creep people out!
You know…
Unbelievable.
I did.
You’re crazy!
[grunts]
You okay?
[Wednesday] I keep seeing that same purple book.
The cover was darker.
More like a day-old contusion. Keep looking.
I don’t usually find students in here looking for actual books. [chuckles]
Most sneak in to make out.
I accidentally walked in on two vampires fanging.
I can’t unsee that.
Is there something I can help you find?
Have you seen this before?
It’s a watermark from a book I’m looking for.
I think it’s the symbol to an old student society. Um…
The Nightshades.
Like the deadly flower.
Color me intrigued.
I was told they disbanded years ago.
Any idea why?
Sorry.
I was very impressed with your answers in class today.
My mother is a carnivorous plant aficionado.
I assume I get my red thumb from her.
Are you and your mother close?
Like two inmates sentenced to life on the same cell block.
I know it can’t be easy… showing up mid-semester.
I’ve been here a year and a half, and I still feel like an outsider.
Because you’re the only normie on the staff?
Enid told me.
To tell you the truth, I’ve never really fit in anywhere.
Too odd for the normies, not odd enough for the outcasts.
I thought Nevermore would be different, but there’s still a handful of teachers who will barely
acknowledge me.
I act as if I don’t care if people dislike me.
Deep down… I secretly enjoy it.
Never lose that, Wednesday.
Lose what?
[sighs] The ability to not let others define you.
It’s a gift.
Doesn’t always feel that way.
The most interesting plants grow in the shade.
[subdued, emotional music playing]
And if you ever need anyone to talk to, the door to the conservatory is always open.
[bell tolling]
That purple book has got to be around here somewhere.
Start investigating.
[enigmatic, inquisitive music plays]
Rowan’s full of surprises.
[two knocks at door]
[Xavier sighs]
[knocking continues]
You’re not supposed to be up here.
Good to see you too.
How’d you get past the Housemaster? Use your siren powers?
Not while wearing this.
Would it kill you to not think the worst of me for once?
[Xavier] What do you want, Bianca?
To see how you’re doing.
I’m sorry about Rowan. I know you guys used to be close.
Since when did you give a damn about Rowan?
You were the one afraid he’d do something to Wednesday.
Isn’t that why you’ve been following her like an eager-eyed puppy?
Or is there something more?
Seriously, what do you see in her?
You have a thing for a tragic goth girls with funeral-parlor fashion sense?
Maybe it’s because she hasn’t tried to manipulate me.
I make one mistake, and you can’t forgive me.
She treats you like crap, you can’t get enough.
Why are you fixated on Wednesday?
Because she thinks she’s better than everyone else.
I can’t wait to crush Ophelia Hall tomorrow and watch her werewolf roommate crumble.
It’s gonna be a Poe Cup finale to remember.
I hate to think what you’ve got planned.
My game’s already started.
I like to win.
Is that so wrong?
And you wonder why I broke up with you.
You used to love my killer instinct.
We were good together, Xavier.
Were we?
Is that just how you wanted me to feel?
Trust me, Wednesday Addams is not the girl of your dreams.
She’s the stuff of your nightmares.
[door opens]
[Enid weeping]
Where have you been?
I’m literally having a heart attack right now.
Yoko’s in the infirmary!
What happened?
Garlic bread incident at dinner.
She had a major allergic reaction. She’s out of the Poe Cup.
I don’t have a co-pilot.
It wasn’t an accident. Bianca’s behind it.
How do you know?
Doesn’t matter.
You and I are going to take her down tomorrow.
Wait. You’re joining the Black Cats?
You’re willing to do that?
For me?
I want to humiliate Bianca so badly that the bitter taste of defeat burns in her throat.
Yeah, but mostly you’re doing it because we’re friends, right?
Tell me how she keeps winning.
It’s a real brain cramp.
The past two years, no other boat has made it across and back without sinking.
Sounds like sabotage.
There are no rules in the Poe Cup, and she is a siren, which makes her master of the water.
Then we just need to beat her at her own game.
We’re all set.
Good. Thing’s in position.
Wanna tell me what you two were up to?
And spoil the surprise?
Speaking of surprises, your costume’s in the tent.
Costume?
OMG, you look purr-fect!
Only thing, where are your whiskers?
Ask again, and you’ll be down to eight lives.
[rousing fanfare plays]
Focus.
[Bianca] What do we have here?
The runt of the litter.
For the record, I don’t believe I’m better than everyone else.
Just that I’m better than you.
I want to welcome you all to the Edgar Allan Poe Cup.
This is one of Nevermore’s proudest annual traditions, dating back 125 years.
Each team must row across to Raven Island, pull a flag from Crackstone’s Crypt, and hustle back
without sinking or being sunk.
First team to cross the finish line with their flag wins the cup and bragging rights for a year, as well
as some special privileges.
Let the Poe Cup begin!
[student] Go! Go! Go!
[all cheering]
[coxswain 1] Move. Faster!
[coxswain 2] Come on, ladies. Let’s go!
[tense, dramatic music plays]
[cheering]
[Xavier] Oh, excuse us!
Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
[lever clacks]
[axe blade rasps]
[rower 1] Come on! Go!
[rower 2] Come on!
[thud]
[chuckles]
Turn! Turn!
Turn!
[rowers panicking]
[all exclaiming]
[coughing, spluttering]
Come on, man. We lost ’cause of you.
[malicious chuckling]
Faster!
Thing.
[projectile whistles]
[low, keening howl]
[tense, dramatic music continues]
Let’s go. It’s over here.
Stay here and make sure Bianca can’t sabotage our boat.
Thing, I need you to distract a couple of jokers.
[rower 3] What?
[rower 4] Come on.
Go.
Let’s get it.
[canoe cracking]
Let’s go, man.
She’s right there.
Come on.
[Xavier] Later, Wednesday!
[eerie whooshing, crackling]
[muffled, distorted audio]
You are the key.
Taking a catnap?
[dramatic music continues]
Come on!
Hurry up, we have to go!
What’s going on?
[Enid crows]
See ya, jokers!
[Xavier] Cheaters!
I just asked myself, “WWWD?” What Would Wednesday Do?
The final two teams are the Gold Bugs…
[cheering, whooping]
…and the Black Cats.
[Enid] Come on.
[Enid panting]
[muffled thud]
[Enid] Gotcha!
[frustrated grunt]
[triumphant fanfare plays]
Whoo!
[Enid] Yeah, we did it!
OMG, Wednesday, we did it!
This is the greatest moment of my entire life.
Admit it, you kinda got into the whole school spirit thing.
You didn’t tell me it was a dark, vengeful spirit.
The first Poe Cup took place in 1897 as a way to not only honor Nevermore’s most famous alumni,
but to celebrate those values that all outcasts share.
Community, perseverance, and determination.
And we certainly saw those values on display today.
Yeah!
[Enid] Whoo!
Yeah!
[Weems] Congratulations to Ophelia Hall!
As a former resident, I will be happy to see the cup back on the mantle after all these years.
[sighs]
[Enid] What are you doing down here?
Hiding.
People keep randomly smiling at me, it’s unsettling.
It’s called having your moment.
You took down Bianca Barclay. Try to enjoy it.
The girls wanna know if you wanna hang out later.
Oh, come on, it won’t kill you.
I’ll think about it.
Yes!
[Weems] It’s good to see you fitting in.
Just like your mother.
My mother and I are two different people/species/everything.
The last time Ophelia Hall won the Poe Cup, your mother captained the team.
I was her co-pilot.
Maybe you two are more alike than you think.
[Enid] I’m so excited.
[quietly] It was your job to help us win. She’s never lost. Never.
[typewriter keys clacking faintly]
[Wednesday] Nevermore continues to be an enigma.
A place where the questions far outweigh the answers.
But sometimes… the answer is staring you right in the face.
[chilling music plays]
Don’t worry, Edgar Allan.
I see your sanctimonious smirk.
But I will get the last laugh.
Your penchant for riddles was legendary.
And this might be your cleverest yet.
Because it’s not a single riddle.
Rather, each line is its own separate one.
“The opposite of moon.” Sun.
“A world between ours.” Nether.
“Two months before June.” April.
“A self-seeding flower.” Pansy.
“One more than one.” Two.
“Its leaves weep to the ground.” Willow. “It melts in the sun.” Ice.
“Its beginning and end never found.” Circle.
“Every rule has one.” Exception.
“The answer will give a sharp cracking sound.”
[music builds to climax]
[sharp cracking sound]
[grand music playing]
Secret societies.
Hidden libraries.
My mother staring at me in a judgmental way.
These are all things I’ve come to expect.
But the minute I inch towards the truth…
Luckily, I’m not afraid of the dark.
[jauntily macabre outro music plays]