American Academy of Pediatrics

FAMILY HANDOUTS Mental Health

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Managing Disruptive or Aggressive

Behaviors: Tips for Families
Use positive parenting
What are disruptive or aggressive ƒ Explain rules in a positive way and describe the behavior
behaviors? you want. For example, instead of saying, “Don’t run,” you
could say, “Please walk slowly.”
Disruptive behavior is any behavior causing a problem for others.
ƒ Reward positive behavior. Spending time doing a fun
Aggressive behavior is behavior that may cause harm to another
activity with a parent is a very powerful reward.
person.
ƒ Pay less attention to negative behavior. Over time, your
Examples of disruptive or aggressive behaviors include
child will learn that acting out isn’t a good way to get your
ƒ Not following school or family rules attention.
ƒ Having tantrums or getting very angry ƒ Set up a token system where children “earn” tokens (for
ƒ Fighting, teasing, or bullying others example, marbles or stickers) for positive behavior. Earning a
certain number of tokens means your child gets a privilege or
ƒ Stealing or damaging property
treat, such as extra time doing something they enjoy.
It’s normal for children of any age to get angry or break a
ƒ Try a parenting class to learn and practice positive parenting
rule once in a while. But if your child’s behaviors are causing
techniques. This can also be a great way to connect with
problems at home, at school, or with friends, they may need
other parents.
extra support.
The good news is there are things you can do to help your child
manage their behavior and succeed at home and school. Knowing what to expect can help your child feel safe
and secure.
Try to follow a regular schedule for playtime, mealtime, and
How can I help my child at home? bedtime. It’s important for rules and consequences to be the same
all the time too. Be sure everyone who takes care of your child is
These tips are helpful for all children, but they can be especially on the same page.
helpful for children with disruptive or aggressive behaviors.
Parenting is a busy job, so use your judgment about which tips
make the most sense for your family. Set consequences that make sense
ƒ Make consequences age appropriate. For young children,
Connect with your child
it’s best if consequences happen right away, so your child can
ƒ Set aside one-on-one time every day without TV or connect the consequence to what they did.
other media. It’s important to spend quality time together,
ƒ Help your child understand, but avoid getting into an
even if your child is showing a lot of behavior problems
explanation right away. Later on, when everyone is calm, you
that day.
can talk about what happened.
ƒ Ask your child about their life and let them know they
ƒ Have your child practice a positive behavior. For example,
can tell you about concerns, fears, and worries. If they seem
if they made a mess during a tantrum, they could help clean
upset, you could ask, “Did anything happen today that you’d
up afterward.
like to talk about?”
ƒ Make sure consequences come immediately after the
ƒ Praise your child for dealing with difficult emotions in a
event, and avoid delaying them. Be willing to enforce the
healthy way. For example, “I know it was hard when your
consequence, even in public.
team lost. I’m proud of you for staying calm and congratulat-
ing the other team.”

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American Academy of Pediatrics

Managing
PRACTICE Disruptive
TOOLSor Aggressive Behaviors: Tips for Families Mental
MentalHealth
Health

ƒ Let the teacher know what strategies have worked well at

How can I help my child at home? home.
(continued) ƒ Ask the school to test your child for learning problems or
other special education needs.
Set your child up for success
ƒ Pick your battles. Decide which behaviors are the most
important and focus on those.
When do I need to go back to the doctor?
ƒ Learn to anticipate challenging situations. Try to limit the
time you spend in situations that are very hard for your child. If your child’s disruptive or aggressive behaviors continue or get
worse, get back in touch with the doctor. The doctor can help
ƒ Encourage your child to spend time with friends who
you decide whether visiting a specialist is a good idea. Anger
have a positive influence on your child’s behavior.
control therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, and family therapy
are some treatments that may help.
Plan for safety
ƒ Work with your child’s doctor or therapist to make a list of Call the doctor right away if your child is hurting other children
numbers to call if your child’s behavior is threatening your or animals, your child gets in trouble with the police, or the
child’s safety or someone else’s. behavior makes you so angry and frustrated that you can’t find
anything positive about your child or think you might hurt them.
ƒ Remove weapons from your home or keep them in an ap-
proved lockbox. Separate ammunition (bullets) from guns.
ƒ Pay attention to what upsets your child, so you can be pre- Make time to care for yourself too.
pared and help them manage their feelings. Parenting can be stressful. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t
be afraid to ask for support from family, close friends, social
Build healthy habits services, or your faith community. Children pick up on the stress
ƒ Encourage your child to be physically active for at least an and worries of adults, so getting support for yourself can help
hour every day. your child too.

ƒ Eat healthy meals every day, including fruits and vegetables,

whole grains, and protein foods. To learn more about disruptive and aggressive behaviors and
ƒ Help your child get enough sleep. This means 10 to 13 what you can do to help your child, visit these websites.
hours a day (including naps) for preschoolers, 9 to 12 hours ƒ American Academy of Pediatrics HealthyChildren.org:
for school-aged kids, and 8 to 10 hours for teens. www.HealthyChildren.org
ƒ Limit entertainment screen time to less than 2 hours ƒ American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry:
a day. Avoid scary or violent TV shows, video games, and www.aacap.org
movies.
ƒ American Psychological Association: www.apa.org
ƒ National Alliance on Mental Illness: www.nami.org

How can I help my child at school? ƒ National Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health:
www.ffcmh.org
Some children act differently at home than they do at school. It’s ƒ Triple P – Positive Parenting Program:
important to talk with your child’s teacher regularly so you know www.triplep-parenting.net
what’s going on at school.
If your child is having a hard time at school, you can
ƒ Ask what strategies the teacher is using to help your child
control their behavior.

AAP | ADDRESSING MENTAL HEALTH CONCERNS IN PEDIATRICS: A PRACTICAL RESOURCE TOOLKIT FOR CLINICIANS, 2ND EDITION | http://toolkits.aap.org PAGE 2 of 3
American Academy of Pediatrics

Managing
PRACTICE Disruptive
TOOLSor Aggressive Behaviors: Tips for Families Mental
MentalHealth
Health

More resources about disruptive or

aggressive behaviors
This space is for you to write notes about other helpful resources
you have found for disruptive or aggressive behaviors.

The information contained in this resource should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice
of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on
individual facts and circumstances. Original resource included as part of Addressing Mental Health Concerns in
Pediatrics: A Practical Resource Toolkit for Clinicians, 2nd Edition.
Inclusion in this resource does not imply an endorsement by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). The AAP is not
responsible for the content of the resources mentioned in this resource. Website addresses are as current as possible
but may change at any time.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) does not review or endorse any modifications made to this resource
and in no event shall the AAP be liable for any such changes.
© 2021 American Academy of Pediatrics. All rights reserved.

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