NEWS OF THE EMPIRE

14 April 1892 A News-Paper Concerning the City of London, Portal to All Destinations *****

ELEVATED THOUSANDS EXPLOSION CARNIVAL OF DEATH

RAILWAYS IN OF BALLOONS ROCKS PREHISTORIC PROVOKES
DANGER? TO RACE IN PORTAL TO DINOSAURS INQUIRY
Are the vaunted elevated
railways that encircle and cross
JUBILEE VENUS ARRIVES FOR ARE MECHANICAL
our fair city the worst danger to
our security?
Enidia Snook can't wait for the
Portal may not re- JUBILEE MEN INTELLIGENT?
Jubilee Balloon Race to
Some call it an accident; others
That is the opinion of this commence April 23rd of this
year, in which she will compete
open for weeks call it murder. Whatever the
newspaper, whose
with thousands of others in No-one yet knows who was cause, Elias Snodgrass lies dead
newspapermen and editors
motorized balloons in a race responsible for the terrible in a coffin, killed while
find it deplorable that the
around the city of London. explosion that destroyed large deactivating five mechanical
policemen charged with
sections of the ring portal to men. His associate, a Mr. John
protecting our fair city, the
Venus at approximately 2:22A.M. Smith, claims he was killed by
greatest city on Earth, and the
this morning. mechanical men.
crossroads nine worlds, have
done absolutely nothing to Chief Detective Inspector The contraptions in question
safeguard it against merely one Robert Bootblack was on the were assigned to The Beneath,
or two well-placed bombs or scene within minutes, and we cleaning the unmentionables
heat rays. are informed that he has been that flow beneath the New
assigned to this case. Bailey building as it bobs gently
Indeed, the thousands of miles Mr. Josiah Weatherworm, above Newgate Street.
of elevated railroad tracks that This news-paper has been proprietor of the Grand Circus
support our city like a girdle informed that the damage is and Exhibition of the Twentieth Mr. Smith insists that Mr.
could be hopelessly snarled by extensive but not irreparable. Century, has personally Snodgrass was turning the key
the actions of only a single More details will be published confirmed with this paper that on one mechanical man when
fiend. as they become available. his unique and exclusive the others—who had been
exhibition of prehistoric commanded to stop and await
Imagine if the nefarious Fu
Manchu, or the Blue Devils of
Pluto, or any of the vile
A.F. Forms dinosaurs, procured directly
from the Dark Continent, will
their deactivation—turned on
him and hit him over the head.

Heavily
Artist's rendition of Ms. Snook's balloon
criminal organizations that put on three shows daily, at However, the Minister of
even today still plague our fair 10:00A.M., 3:00P.M., and 7:00P.M. Mechanization insists that this
Perhaps the most remarkable
city, were to destroy merely one
of the dozen lines criss-crossing
thing about the race is its Armored Many ancient beasts will be on-
hand, held securely behind iron
is simply not possible.
"Mechanical men are not
length, traversing our city from
our skies? Merely damaging the
line between Westminster and
Liverpool to Paddington, and
Earl's Court to the finish line,
Battalion bars and fences. Animals on-
hand will include a Sabre-
capable of independent thought
or action," Minister Hollinger
Waterloo would put our Toothed Tiger, a Great Ape, a explained to the press this
racing across London Bridge The British Armed Forces
administration at great risk, not Giant Lizard, a clutch of morning. “The possibility is
(which, we trust, will not fall yesterday announced the
to mention the potential loss of Pterodactyls kept in a firmly in the range of Mr.
down according to the child's formation of the First Heavily
life were this foul deed to be tremendous crystalline dome, Verne's science fictional tales,
rhyme!). Armored Foot Battalion, a
perpetrated while a train were and even that king of tyrant not science fact.”
special division of the British
hurtling along the tracks at The Jubilee Balloon Race is lizards himself, a Nevertheless, the five
Army dedicated to facing the
speeds in excess of forty miles sponsored by the Mornington Tyrannosaurus Rex. mechanical men are currently
dangers of our new age.
per hour! Crescent Balloon Racing Society being held at the Ministry for
and its renowned head, Baron Members of the new battalion Mr. Weatherworm has insisted
further investigation.
Murder! Shock! Edward Cannon. will don specially-constructed that all appropriate safety
precautions have been

Danger!
Mr. Cannon spoke of the event
from the boarding platform of
armor, helmets, and glasses,
reinforced with wires and rigorously made by the crew of
his Circus. He assures this
Tesla To Unveil
electrical gadgetry at the

Mysterious killer
his own racing balloon, the
Queen's Intrepid, which will not
uppermost limits of human reporter that there will be no
repeat of the Mastodon Affair
Electronic
engineering. According to the

still on the loose

be flying in the event.
“This is a dashed good
Army's claims, these “hard
suits” will allow the soldier to
of last year.
The Grand Circus and
Marvel
opportunity to show the world
Despite the best work of
that British aerialists are the
see in the dark, carry much
more powerful rifles—even
Exhibition of the Twentieth
Century will exhibit in Hyde
Genius claims
Scotland Yard's finest police-
men and detectives, the
best in the world, and that's a
fact you can bet on,” he said,
those capable of firing many
rounds of ammunition per
Park, near the Saturnian “greatest
Kensington Killer still stalks the Acrobats and the Edison
streets. His victims marked
going on to make several second—and communicate Company Weather Machine. invention”
disparaging remarks about wirelessly with their comrades
only by a red ring around their Children and adults of all ages Nikola Tesla, famed scientist,
other balloon racers from and commanders.
necks and a peculiar odor on are encouraged to purchase has revealed to this news-paper
America and the Continent.
their persons, the twelfth victim tickets in advance. exclusively his plans to unveil a

This steampunk setting for the Risus RPG was written by Brent P. Newhall in 2012. It is released into the public domain.

Celso Dos Reis (Order #36476045)