BREAKTHROUGH COACHING NLP PRACTITIONER TRAINING MODULE 4

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

15th MARCH 2023

MAIN TOPICS COVERED:

1. What does “Your greatest would become your destiny" mean?

The statement "Your greatest wound becomes your destiny" means that the most painful
experiences in your lives have the potential to shape your future in a significant way. In the
context of coaching and why you want to become a coach, it means if you’ve struggled with
something, chances are you would want to help others going through similar struggles. For
example, if you struggled with weight, you may want to become a dietician and help others
struggling with the same. If you have an autistic child, it is possible you may want to help other
parents in a similar situation. So, coaching is not a casual profession and your reason for
becoming a coach shouldn’t be as such. It is important to reflect on why you want to coach
because having a strong “Why?” ties your journey to a higher purpose. And if your “Why?” is
powerful, you will approach your coaching practice with a different energy and remain
motivated and committed to your goals.

2. What can you do if you feel nervous working with a client?

If you feel nervous when working with a client, you can do the following exercise:

Stand up, put your feet on the ground and feel it. And then notice the connection between your
feet and the ground. If you are feeling nervous, anxious or uncomfortable stamp your feet on
the ground and let your nervousness, anxiety or discomfort out. Place your hand on your heart
and say, “I am here, I am now, I am here, I am now.” You can do this exercise standing up, sitting
down or walking around. You can shake if you want. The important thing is to move the body.

3. What are some of the things to bear in mind when doing the well-formed outcomes
exercise with a client?

The well-formed outcomes exercise is a process of helping your clients identify and achieve their
goals. These are some of the things to bear in mind when doing the well-formed outcomes
exercise:

A. Use a softer tone when interacting with a client. Your tone should not be harsh and pushy.
When you are coaching someone, you need to be mindful of your tone, energy and presence.
Your tone should be soft and encouraging.

B. Consulting or advising: Come from a place of guidance, not advising or consulting your client
because when you advise your client, you disempower them in the following ways:

If your client says, “I don’t know,” listen to them. Meet your client where they are at instead of
advising them on what to do. Don’t instruct them on what to do, but instead, let them find their
own resources. It is not your place to own or control them. Your role as a coach is to provide a
safe space for them to find their own resources and answers. Give them the space to be heard
and really listen to them. You need to step away from your old ways of working and assume a
new way of working where you facilitate your client’s discovery process rather than controlling
or owning the process of finding solutions.

C. Feedback: Be mindful that you feedback is not direct and hurtful. When giving feedback, let
your client know what you appreciate about them and then volunteer your observations. For
example, if the client has to exercise more and cannot push themselves beyond a certain point,
don’t be quick to point that out by saying, “You need to exercise more.” Instead say, “Well done
for doing so much. Is there anything I can do to support you to do more?” Criticising will make
them feel judged. To encourage them, notice what they did well and then offer suggestions on
what else could be done. Say, “It’s amazing that you did___. Where do you need my help?” Or
ask open-ended questions like, “What has happened since we last met?” And let them volunteer
information. Hold a space that makes the client feel safe because judgment does not help to
build rapport. Acknowledge what they did manage do because to influence someone you need
to notice what you love about them.

4. What can you do if your client feels anxious about their goals and outcomes?

If a client is feeling anxious about their outcomes and goals, chances are it’s too much. You need
to do an ecology check and their goals need to be revised. It means they are way out of their
comfort zone, so help them pick a smaller goal. Break their goals down into smaller, achievable
chunks. Completing the well-formed exercise with your client is not an end in itself. They may
have been mechanically going through the questions which is why they feel like they haven’t
landed despite doing the exercise. The well-formed exercise is a tool that you can use to help
your clients introspect and reflect deeper aspects of their lives, so that they can find some
meaning in their life.

5. What is selling about?

Selling is not about talking; it’s about listening and questioning. Let your coaching skills speak for
themselves. Coaching is about serving someone and holding a safe space for them to be heard.
So, when you are offering your services to someone, begin with “What do you want?” For
example, if someone wants a tour package to go to the Himalayas and you are not selling that,
you can’t give it to them. So, first establish what someone wants and then check if you can give
it to them. Then say, “Tell me more.” And then play it back to them to check if you’ve
understood what they want. So, selling your coaching service is a collaborative process and two-
way communication process where you have a dialogue and discussion with people. To connect
with clients emotionally, it is essential to allow them to share their perspective and model of the
world, as decisions are often driven by emotions, not logic. So, establishing a connection is
essential for successful selling.

6. What is tonality?

Tonality conveys the meaning of what’s being said. In the example below, when you enunciate a
different word, the meaning of what’s being said changes. Tonality is not about imitating a
person’s voice but meeting them where they are at so you can build rapport with them. The
premise of rapport is “People like people like people.” So, if you want somebody to be on the
same wavelength as you, enter their world because you cannot influence someone unless you
understand and appreciate their world. If you want to influence someone, you need to have
empathy, not judgment. When you understand and appreciate someone’s model of the world
and notice what you love about them, you can influence them.

The following example demonstrates how tonality can change the meaning of what’s being said:

A. I know he stole that money.

B. I KNOW he stole that money.

C. I know HE stole that money.

D. I know he STOLE that money.

E. I know he stole THAT money.

F. I know he stole that MONEY.

7. What is pace and lead?

Pace and lead helps to build rapport, gain trust, and influence your clients. Pacing involves
mirroring or matching the client's behaviour, speech or body language to establish a sense of
connection and understanding. This helps create a safe and non-judgmental space for the client
to open up and share stuff with you. For example, if a client is speaking fast, you could match
their tone and pace of speech to establish a connection. Leading, on the other hand, involves
gently guiding the client towards a desired outcome or behaviour. So, if the client is speaking
fast, you can match their tone and pace and then gently lead them to speak slowly by doing so
yourself.

8. How do you facilitate the State Elicitation exercise?

State Elicitation is accessing any feeling you want at any time you want from any past reference
you have.

The following script can be used to facilitate the State Elicitation exercise:

“Can you remember a specific time when you felt totally ___________ X’d?

Can you remember a specific time?

As you go back to that time now…go right back to that time, float down into your body and see
what you saw, hear what you heard, and really feel all the feelings of being totally ___________
X’d.”

9. What does “What prevents or persists?” mean?

When a client wants something but can't seem to make progress, it's important to understand
their current situation and what they want to achieve. Next, you need to figure out what's
stopping them from getting there. For example, if someone wants to lose weight but hasn't
started exercising or changing their diet, you can ask what's holding them back. This will help us
figure out the real reason why they're stuck. You can ask, “What’s happening when you are not
procrastinating?” This will help them draw a picture of the benefit of not procrastinating and
help them act. It’s important to understand that helping the client act does not mean pushing or
forcing the client to do so, but understanding their world, their thoughts, feelings, needs and
languages of love, and then gently nudging them towards their desired goal. So, if a client’s issue
is procrastinating, you are trying to understand the real reason for the procrastination. You can
do that by asking, “What prevents you from getting what you want?” Or “What’s happening
when you are not procrastinating?” This helps them to move from a place of inaction to a place
of action, and from their current situation to their desired goal. As a coach, the best way to
support your client in making a lasting change is help them access the unconscious because all
lasting change occurs at the unconscious level.

10. What is the GROW model and what is the reason it does not work?

The GROW model is a coaching framework that stands for Goal, Reality, Options, and Way
Forward. The reason it does not work is because it does not facilitate change at the unconscious
level which is where lasting change occurs.

11. What is filtering?

The five human senses receive an immense amount of information from the outside world,
ranging from 2 to 4 million bits. However, this information is not processed as is, but filtered
through the mechanisms of deletion, distortion, and generalisation. These filters are essential to
avoid overwhelming pain caused by excessive information.

For example, if your spouse were to reveal every minute detail of their day, it could become
overwhelming and unnecessary information to retain. You are bound to filter out these details
through the process of deletion. This way you can focus on what is essential and avoid being
inundated with information that may cause unnecessary stress or anxiety. However, it's
important to note that this doesn't mean completely disregarding what someone has to say.
Instead, it's about being able to distinguish what is crucial and what is not, and retaining the
important details.

Distortion is another filter that causes individuals to interpret information in a way that is not
accurate. This can occur in relationships or the news, for example, where people may create
their own reality that does not align with the truth.

Generalisation is the third filter, where individuals make sweeping assumptions about groups of
people or situations. For example, thinking all rich people are greedy or all men are unfaithful.
These generalisations can influence your behaviour and impact your life negatively.

As a coach, understanding these filters is crucial since clients may present deleted, distorted, or
generalised information that hinder their ability to change. It falls on you to identify and rectify
these filters to uncover the true reasons behind a client's resistance to change.

Of the vast amount of information you receive, you only retain around 134 bits (7+/-2) of it. This
limited capacity for retention is due to the filters of deletion, distortion, and generalisation. For
example, when naming a country, you may initially recall a few from your conscious memory
before pausing to search for additional responses. This happens because your brain filters out
unnecessary information to prioritise what you retain.

12. What does the "Old lady and young dame" illusion picture depict?

The “Old lady and young dame” illusion picture is an example of how your brain can interpret
the same visual information in different ways, depending on how you perceive and interpret the
image. In this particular illusion, the image can be interpreted as either an old lady facing left or
a young dame facing right, depending on which features of the image you focus on.

In the context of information, this illusion highlights the subjectivity of perception and
interpretation. It is a reminder that different people may perceive and interpret the same
information in different ways, depending on their background, experience, and cognitive biases.
It underscores the importance of considering multiple perspectives when analysing and
presenting information, as well as the need to be aware of your own biases when interpreting
information.

13. What is an example of generalisation?

The nursery rhyme "Mary Had a Little Lamb" is an example of generalisation where it talks of a
lamb whose fleece is white as snow. But if you notice closely, the lamb may have specks of grey
or black. Also, all lambs may not be gentle. Similarly, fairy tales also convey faulty ideas such as
living happily ever after or prince charming coming to the rescue which can lead to
generalisations about life that are not universal. it is important to note that while
generalisations can be beneficial, they can also be problematic in oversimplifying, stereotyping
or enabling biases.

14. What does the “jumbled letters script” illustrate?

The "jumbled letters effect" illustrates the processing power and flexibility of the human mind
when it comes to language and information processing. Despite the scrambled arrangement of
letters in each word, the brain is able to quickly and effortlessly decipher the meaning of the
sentence, based on its knowledge of language patterns and context.

In the context of information, this highlights the importance of context and the ability to
interpret and understand information beyond its literal form. It suggests that the human brain
can recognise patterns, fill in missing information, and making meaning out of even the most
ambiguous or incomplete data.

15. What are examples of deletion, distortion and generalisation in coaching context?

In a coaching context, the following examples illustrate how information is filtered through
deletion, distortion or generalisation:

A. Deletion involves leaving out or missing important information, such as context or specifics,
which can lead to misunderstandings or incomplete communication. In the example, "You hurt
me? Information is incomplete, so asking “How specifically?” for more information or
clarification about what the other person did that caused them to feel hurt would give a more
complete picture. By using the word "specifically", you are requesting your client to provide
more details and not leave out any important information. Other examples are “nobody loves
me” or “nobody cares.”

B. Generalisation involves making broad, sweeping statements that are not necessarily accurate
or representative of the whole picture. In the example, "You never talk to me," the client is
making a generalisation by assuming that the other person never talks to them, without
considering any exceptions or nuances. This type of generalisation can lead to
misunderstandings and a lack of effective communication, as it may accurately reflect the reality
of the situation.

C. Distortion involves making connections or associations between things that may not be
accurate or valid. In the example, “Her crying makes me sad,” the client is distorting the
situation by equating the other person's crying with their own sadness, but the two are
inherently linked. By asking “How does her crying make you sad?” you can prompt the other
person to provide more information and explain the connection between the two, which may
not be as straightforward as the original statement suggests. This type of distortion can lead to
misunderstandings and miscommunication if not addressed or clarified.

16. What does “perception is projection” mean?

Perception is projection means that what you perceive is what you project on the outside. You
form a perception of the world based on how you delete, distort and generalise information.
And this affects your behaviour. You delete, distort and generalise information based on your
human need. For example, if you have a need for certainty, you will delete, distort and
generalise information based on certainty. If your human need is love, you will filter information
accordingly. Some may have more of a female orientation, while others may have a male
orientation. So, for example, if you believe you can do something and someone comes along
and tells you that you can’t, it’s likely your own belief will outweigh their belief. You act in
accordance with the state you create. You behave in a way that you believe you should. This
could also conflict when you expect others to behave the way you behave with them. So, if
somebody does not show empathy the way you do, it can cause hurt and disappointment.

17. What is the NLP Communication Model?

The NLP Communication Model suggests that effective communication involves more than just
transmitting a message to another person. It involves understanding how the other person is
likely to receive and interpret the message based on their unique sensory preferences and
mental filters.

You receive information through your five senses. However, this information is not always
processed and stored accurately or completely. Your mind often deletes, distorts or generalises
information based on your past experiences, beliefs, values, and attitudes. These mental filters
can affect your emotional state, which in turn affects your physiology and behaviour, and
ultimately, your results.

To effectively communicate, it is important to understand the mental filters of the person you
are communicating with. The acronym "BENDWIMP" represents some of the mental filters that
can affect the way you receive and interpret information:

A. Beliefs: Your personal convictions and assumptions about the world around you

B. Events: Past experiences that have shaped your understanding and behaviour.

C. Needs: Fundamental human needs such as safety, belonging, and esteem

D. Desires: Your aspirations and long-term goals

E. Wounds: Past traumas or emotional scars that influence our behaviour

G. Meta-programs: Your preferred ways of processing information and making decisions

H. Purpose: Your overall direction or mission in life

By understanding these mental filters, you can understand where the other person is coming
from and tailor your communication style to ensure that your message is received and
understood as you intended.

18. What is internal representation?

How do you take external information, filter it through deletion, distortion and generalisation,
bring it on the inside and store it. You look at someone through your eyes and then close your
eyes and see the same image on the inside? This is known as visual internal image. Close your
eyes and imagine the colour of your front door. All of you would have remembered the colour
of the front door. Some of you may not be able to see colours as long s you can sense it but not
see it. Stay wherever you are because that’s your filter or doubt and it’s okay.

Information comes in at 2 to 4 million bits. It gets filtered through deletion, distortion and
generalisation based on BENDWIMP and then it gets represented on the inside as a visual
image, sound (auditory), feeling (kinesthetic), smell (olfactory) or taste (gustatory).

If you have tension in your body. Locate the tension. Focus on it and notice does it have a
colour, shape, feeling, sound, taste, or texture? What are the words you would use to describe
it? The words you use to describe the tension determines how you store information inside.

19. What is VAKOG?

VAKOG is an NLP acronym that stands for Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.
It is used to describe the five primary sensory modalities that people use to experience and
interpret the world around them.

A. Visual: This refers to the use of visual images, colours and shapes to process information.
People who have a strong visual preference tend to think in images and are often good at
visualising concepts and ideas.

B. Auditory: This is the use of sound and language to process information. People who have a
strong auditory preference tend to think in words and may be skilled at verbal communication
and language-based activities.

C. Kinesthetic: Using physical sensations and movement to process information. People who
have a strong kinesthetic preference tend to be more hands-on and experiential in their learning
and may be skilled at activities that require physical coordination.

D. Olfactory: The use of smell to process information. People who have a strong olfactory
preference may have a strong sense of smell and may be particularly sensitive to certain scents
or aromas.

E. Gustatory: This refers to process information using taste. People who have a strong gustatory
preference may have a heightened sense of taste and may store information as different
flavours and textures.
Understanding a person's VAKOG preferences can be useful in communication and interpersonal
relationships because it can help you tailor your communication style to better match their
preferred sensory modality. Everyone has preferred senses just like being left or right-handed.
Your internal processing of sensory information is reflected in the words you use. Using sensory
words increases flexibility as a communicator.

20. What is the Preferred IR Exercise?

The Preferred IR Exercise is a questionnaire that helps you determine how you process and store
information by answering a series of questions. The exercise includes multiple-choice questions,
where you assign a number to each answer and calculate a total score for each of the five
different modalities of processing information. By determining your overall score, you can gain
insight into your preferred sensory modality for processing information.

This exercise is designed to help you understand your own thinking and communication style
better and tailor your communication to match that of others. You can find the link to the
Preferred IR Exercise here:

https://portal.vitalitylivingcollege.info/trainingprogram/breakthrough-coaching/506/13

21. What are predicates?

In NLP, predicates refer to the sensory-based words and phrases that people use to describe
their experiences, thoughts, and emotions. They are closely related to the VAKOG modalities,
which stand for Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, and Gustatory.

When people communicate, they tend to use specific sensory predicates that reflect their
preferred representational system. For example, a visually oriented person may use predicates
that involve seeing, such as "I see what you mean," while an auditorily oriented person may use
predicates that involve hearing, such as "That sounds good to me."

By listening to the predicates that people use, you can gain insight into their preferred
representational system and adapt your communication approach accordingly. This can help
you build rapport with others, improve your ability to influence and persuade, and enhance your
communication skills.

22. What are beliefs?

Beliefs are not objective facts but mental constructs.

A. Beliefs contain deletions, distortions and generalisations.

B. Beliefs shape what we notice and what we focus upon.

C. Your beliefs set a ceiling on what you can

accomplish.

D. Beliefs are not fixed and unchangeable.