Copyright © 2023 Nyla K

All rights reserved.

Cover Design by Ashes & Vellichor
Interior formatting by Champagne Book Design
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For The Fans is the intellectual property of Nyla K.
Except permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced,
distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system
without prior written permission of the author.
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, popular culture, corporations, real
people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of
the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons living or dead is
entirely coincidental.
This book is dedicated to online supporters, in all your unbridled enthusiasm.
To the likers, the commenters, the sharers…
The subscribers, Insta-stalkers and re-tweeters.
This is for you… the fans.
TABLE OF CONTENTS

Title Page
About This Book
Foreword
Kyran & Avi’s Playlist… for the FANS
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
 Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kyran’s Epilogue
Avi’s Epilogue
A note from the author…
Acknowledgments
Thank you for reading
About The Author
 Kyran Harbor is everything I’m not.
Rich. Popular. A superstar football player who’s awfully broody for someone
who has it all.
Basically, he’s a preppy jock who hates me. Oh, and he’s also my
stepbrother.
That’s right. We’re stuck together, sharing a school, a house… A bathroom.
Honestly, I wouldn’t care… If he wasn’t such an uptight control-freak who
messes with me just because we’re different.
I had every intention of avoiding him when we got to college… Until abrupt
misfortune forces us both into a compromising position.
Now the grouchy jerk I was hoping to evade might be the only person who
can help me out of it.
Avi Vega is everything I despise.
A dreamer. A flake. An artist who smokes too much weed and thinks aliens
exist. And by some sick cosmic joke, he’s now my stepbrother, following me
on what should’ve been my escape plan.
It was already a disaster. Add a sudden financial disruption to the mix, and
let’s just say my options are heavily limited.
If I want to stay an all-star quarterback on the way to the NFL, I’ll need to do
something drastic. Unfortunately for me, and my desperate desire for control,
the perpetually smiling stoner has a plan.
Maybe we can stop hating each other just enough to pull this off. As long as
we remember we’re only doing it… for the fans.
I’ll be honest here… Preparing you for what to expect from this story is
extremely difficult. You’re about to embark upon a long, complex journey
with these characters.
If you’re a Nyla K reader, you don’t need to be told this. But if this is
your first time reading my work, I’ll just ask that you go into this book with
an open mind. Don’t expect it to be like anything else. I can’t hand you a list
of triggers and tropes, because honestly, we’d be here all day. That said, there
are some things I have to warn you about, if you feel that warnings are
something you’d like to have.
Before I get to the nitty gritty, so to speak, I want to stress that this book
contains references to real people, places, and events, woven within a
fictional story. Please note that everything has been dramatized for the sake
of creating art and entertainment. So any mention of real things you
recognize are placed within fictional context.
Next, and most importantly, I have a responsibility to let you know that
there are some highly sensitive matters discussed in this book. But in the
interest of not spoiling the story, I have listed them on the content warning
page of my website.
Make no mistake, I want you, the reader, to feel the organic, raw
emotions of these characters. But I don’t want it to negatively affect your
emotional state. If you have certain triggers, I want you to be prepared before
reading.
So here we go. If you have no triggers in fiction, I highly recommend that
you do not view the content warning page. Go into the book relatively blind,
just knowing it’s a queer stepbrother romance that involves filming sex acts
for money, and have fun with that. This is an emotional story of trauma and
healing that can be very intense at times. That’s your blanket warning, and if
you’re good with that, then feel free to skip the rest and go meet the boys.
 However, if you want to know fully what to expect, so as not to
unwittingly happen upon something that could trigger you, click here.
If any of what you’ve read on my website runs the risk of upsetting you,
please be careful proceeding further. Use your best judgement. You know
your own limits better than anyone else.
But just know that this is a work of fiction, and ultimately, it’s a love
story with a happily ever after. The characters go through a lot over the
course of the book, but to quote Harvey Dent, the night is always darkest
before the dawn. As tough as it gets, I promise it works out for Kyran and
Avi in the end.
All of that said, this story is tense, super sexy, and a lot of fun. I’ve shed
buckets of tears for these characters, but none more than for the pure love
they share.
I hope you fall for them the same way I have.
Log on, and charge up those vibes, friends. Kyran and Avi are stepping
on screen…
;)
 Listen & Like on Spotify!
Say It Ain’t So—Weezer
She—Green Day
Time to Pretend—MGMT
Loser Baby—La Bouquet, Oliver the Kid
Youth—Glass Animals
…fuck—Johnny Rain
Sweetness—Jimmy Eat World
drunk face—Machine Gun Kelly
Sexy MF—Labrinth
Paranoid—Point North
I Want It—Two Feet
Side To Side—Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj
Acquainted—The Weekend
4AM—KID BRUNSWICK
Tell Me Your Secret—Prelow
Alive—Empire of the Sun
Slow Down—Chase Atlantic
Tropic Scorpio—Third Eye Blind
Porn Star—August Alsina
See Through—The Band CAMINO
Cry Baby—The Neighbourhood
Pursuit Of Happiness—Kid Cudi, MGMT
Love On The Brain—Rihanna
Gasoline—Point North
Life Was Easier When I Only Cared About Me—Bad Suns
CALL ME BACK—Chase Atlantic
We Will Rock You—Queen
WE MADE PLANS & GOD LAUGHED—Beauty School Dropout
Swoon—Beach Weather
Black Butterflies and Déjà Vu—The Maine
ALL OUT OF LUCK—Jet Black Alley Cat
First Date—Blink 182
Daphne Blue—The Band CAMINO
Right Here—Chase Atlantic
Kiss It Better—Rihanna
Until I Found You—Stephen Sanchez
Heavenly—Broadside
I’m a Mess—Avril Lavigne, YUNGBLUD
Stay—Ari Abdul
Haze—Sunsleep
I Love U—The Chainsmokers
I’ll Be—Edwin McCain
 AlexandertheBait: My dick died…mind if I bury it in dat ass??

Have you ever wondered…

There’s this recurring dream I’ve been having for the last few years. I
don’t have it that often, but every time I do, it’s exactly the same.
I’m at the top of a very high building in the city. I’m not sure which
one… But from how high it seems in my mind, I’d say maybe the Empire
State Building.
My muscles are tight and bunched, my teeth chattering. It’s so realistic, I
can practically feel the cold breeze rushing through my hair…
There are no guardrails. I’m at the very edge… My toes are hanging over.
And the thing is, I know I should back up. I know I should do everything
in my power to launch myself backward, away from sudden death.
But it doesn’t happen that way.
Every time, like some sort of suicidal Freudian slip… my foot slips.
And I fall.
I’m falling and falling, but not fast. It’s slow. Suspended in the air, I float
past each of the building’s windows. Birds fly by as I spot people inside,
going about their business. Sometimes I recognize them.
Mom is usually in there. She looks up and sees me levitating outside her
window. And she smiles, which always twists my stomach into knots. She
looks happy, and I think it’s because she doesn’t know the truth.
She’s blissfully unaware that her son is about to die.
But the thing is, that while I’m in my weightless nosedive, I’m not afraid.
The thrill of descent takes over, hypnotic reverie bringing me not to death…
but to life.
I always wake up before I hit the ethereal ground, shooting upright in bed
with that eerie sensation that you’ve literally been hovering in the air, and
when your consciousness snaps back into place, you actually crash back
down onto the mattress.
I used to think it was aliens abducting me in my sleep. Or the
programming of my simulation. Could be true.
But maybe it’s more like a bridge, or a gateway. A door left open by the
mind’s eye.
And no matter how scary it can be at first, I just can’t help but wonder…
How it truly feels to fall from up high.
None of this is literal, of course. I’m not morose, and I don’t actually
want to jump off a building. But my subconscious seems fascinated by the
idea of floating willingly into something else. Being happy about the fall into
the unknown… Laughing and waving to the people in the windows as I
plummet.
I know what you’re thinking… This dude sounds high as fuck.
It’s a fair assessment, because usually that’s the case. But not right now.
In fact, I’m currently itching to get home so I can smokey smoke and erase
the memories of yet another stressful day in high school. It’s been three
months and I’m still getting used to this place. But to be fair, high school in
Brooklyn wasn’t exactly my favorite either.
Three months ago, my lovely mother and I relocated from the city we
called home, to a cozy part of the historical northeast you may have heard of
—Boston. Leaving New York was difficult for me, because I truly loved it
there, despite the one very bad memory that prompted us to pack up for a
fresh start.
Brooklyn had been Mom’s and my home for my entire life, and more than
half of hers. New York City raised me just as much as my parents did.
Three months isn’t enough to forget everything I loved about the city. I
miss the loudness, the dirt and grime that everyone pretends isn’t there. The
people who don’t give a good God damn what they look like or how others
perceive them. New York is a cluttered hub for all of the realest people I’ve
ever encountered.
Not that Boston is bad. It has its qualities, though we’re not even living in
Boston, per se. We moved to a small city on the outskirts called Malden.
Starting at a new school, in a new city, is exactly like I imagined it would
be; a constant pull on my nerves. Between getting used to Boston and all of
its little quirks that make it vastly different from New York, settling into the
groove of sophomore year while attempting to make friends and keep up on
schoolwork that doesn’t interest me in the slightest… it’s been a hectic few
months.
But I think I’m managing. Mainly because I met a kid named Kyle who
sells me weed.
All in all, it’s been fine, but for someone like me, who’s already pretty
antisocial as it is, I’m having a bit of trouble making friends and fitting in…
A skill I’ve never really excelled at.
I’m kind of a weirdo, and I don’t want to have to change myself just to
make friends. I’m a strong believer in it’ll happen if and when it happens. If
there are people out there who also love art and emo music from before their
time, who fan over cryptids and true crime and Tarantino, then we’ll
eventually find each other and become friends. Why force it?
Ah, the introvert’s paradox. Waiting for other nerds to come to you.
So sure, I haven’t made any real friends yet—except for Kyle—I’m not
doing well in school, and I’m constantly aware of how Boston is so not
Brooklyn. But still, I won’t be deterred. After all, we’re here to Subway start
fresh, and I wouldn’t say it’s gone as stale as that nasty bread just yet. So I’m
optimistic.
My phone buzzes in my pocket while I’m stepping off the bus. I pull it
out once I’m across the street, opening Instagram to check a new notification.
Walking up the block to our apartment with only peripheral vision on the
sidewalk, my eyes are mostly fixed on the direct message.
HollyLang333: Your drawings are so sick *heart eyes emoji*
A tiny smile graces my lips. Until I trip and almost drop my phone
because I’m not paying attention to where I’m walking.
Holly is a girl from school. She’s in my art class. I thought I was
hallucinating when I saw her peeking at one of my sketches earlier… But I
guess I wasn’t. Because now she’s creeping my Instagram profile and
messaging me.
Oh snap! Loser Avi hooks one!
I’m excited, because like I said, this never usually happens. Holly is
definitely cute, and she actually smiled during the few times we’ve
exchanged real words, which I have to assume is a good sign. But more than
anything, I like that she’s complimenting my art. This whole thing is an ego
boost I could definitely use right now. It feels good.
Maybe not floating in my dreams good, but I’ll take what I can get.
Speaking of being up high, that joint, though. Mom’s at work for another
hour, so I’ll have time to blaze before she comes home and yells at me about
it.
She knows I like to smoke for my anxiety, and she’s not crazy about it,
only because Hannah Vega has never done a drug in her entire life—she
barely even drinks. I’ve tried explaining to her a million times that weed is
legal now, but she just keeps on with that under eighteen nonsense.
What difference does that make??
I’m almost eighteen… In two years and one week, but who’s counting?
I really don’t think those two years will make a huge difference in the
grand scheme, but I guess parents see it differently.
Mom looks the other way when I come home smelling like weed on
weekends. She still gets on me about it, but for some reason, it’s not as much
of a capital crime in her eyes to smoke a little gange on Saturday as it is on a
school night.
I don’t get it. But apparently, it’s one of those things that only makes
sense to moms.
Typing back a causal thanks with a smiley face emoji to Holly, I stuff my
phone away as I approach the front door to our building, waving at our
landlady, Rosemary, who lives across the street. She’s always out there,
watering her flowers and mowing her eight-foot patch of grass, wearing this
weird straw hat that makes her look like a poorly dressed extra on Little
House on the Prairie.
Strange lady. I like her. Plus, I’m still not over the accent.
Paahhk the caahhh. Wicked good chowdaahh.
Hilarious.
Taking out my keys, I unlock the door with one hand, using the other to
fish a joint and lighter out of my backpack, juggling everything while
walking up all the stairs to our third-floor apartment. The second I’m inside,
I’ve got the joint between my lips and I’m flicking my lighter over and over,
trying to get it to light. I think maybe it’s time for a new one…
I finally get it lit as I’m stalking through the living room, toward the door
to the back deck. Unfortunately, I come to a fast halt when I find my mother
sitting on the couch, staring up at me with her brow raised.
My eyes widen and I quickly pluck the joint from between my lips. “Oh
shit… how’d that get there??”
My mom rolls her eyes while I stub the joint out on my tongue. “Avi…”
“What are you doing home so early, mother?” Flashing her my most
innocent smile, I bat my eyelashes, really laying on the look how sweet and
adorable your son is act.
I’m anticipating the admonishing, so I dump my backpack on the floor
and just wait for it to come. But when it doesn’t, I pay a little more attention
to her face. She’s smiling, but she looks kind of tense as she pats the couch
cushion next to her.
“Come sit, son of mine,” she says, calmly. “We need to talk about
something…”
Gulp. Okay…
I already don’t like this.
My mom is my best friend. That probably makes me sound like a huge
loser, but I think we’ve already established that I am, so if the worn Converse
sneaker fits…
It’s been just the two of us for a while now. We’re all each other has.
As it stands, we communicate openly, so there’s never really much need
for serious talks. But the impression I’m getting from her rigid shoulders and
the way she’s wide-eyed staring at me is one of an impending conversation…
One that gives me Dejá vu like a Vietnam flashback.
Mom’s eyes overflowing with tears of devastation. “I need to tell you
something, Aviel… It’s about your father.”
“I’ll just stand here.” I fold my arms over my chest petulantly. As if
standing up will make whatever this is less real.
“Aviel, for the love of God, just sit down,” she huffs.
“Fine…” I mutter, stepping over to the couch. “But I’m doing it because I
want to, not because you’re telling me to.”
She chuckles and shakes her head as I take a seat next to her. “Okay, fine.
You’re the boss.”
My throat is all dry and scratchy as she reaches for my face, brushing her
fingers through my dark hair.
“How was school?” she asks, and I squint at her.
“Mom, please. You clearly have something to say, so let’s cut the small
talk and just get to the point. You’re stressing me out.”
Showing me a sympathetic look, she tilts her head. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I
don’t want you to be upset…” Her voice trails, and I lean in, my skin
crawling all over in suspense. “But I have some news.”
“What news?” I ask quietly. I’m trying to be patient and let her work up
to it, but my fingers are twitching.
She swoops in a breath, letting it out slowly before she hits me with, “I
met someone.”
My entire body feels frozen solid, like someone ordered an ice sculpture
of a shocked teenager.
I don’t know why, but this is the absolute last thing I ever expected her to
say.
Mom’s brows knit together while I gawk at her like she just told me she
wants to become a rodeo clown. “Avi… are you alright?”
“Uh… what?” My head shakes and I force myself to blink a few dozen
times. “Yea, yea. I’m uh… I’m… fine?” I don’t mean for the word fine to
come out like a question, but I’m just really confused right now.
She met someone…? As in, like, a person… she wants to… date??
My mother has gone on a few dates over the years, but it’s never led to
anything. Usually, she just tells me she’s going out with a friend, or
something along those lines. She’s never felt the need to sit me down and talk
to me about it.
My mother shifts. “Okay… because you look kind of pale—”
“So you mean you’re gonna… go on a date with someone, right? That’s
fine,” I tell her casually while trying not to fidget.
She clears her throat. “Actually, we’ve already gone out a few times.”
“Oh…” My mind is running in jittery circles, like a hamster on a wheel.
“But you didn’t mention anything…”
“I didn’t want to bother you with it until it was serious.” She blinks her
deep blue eyes at me.
“Wait… so you’re saying it is serious??” My voice croaks out of my
throat. “Who is this person?”
“His name is Tom.” The way her face sort of lights up even saying his
name tightens my gut.
“Tom?” I can’t help the way I scoff. “That’s a stupid name…”
“Aviel.” She glares at me. “That’s rude.”
“Sorry.” I rub my eyes. “I’m just… I’m surprised, that’s all. This is kind
of coming out of nowhere… You’ve never sat me down to tell me about you
dating before.”
She squeezes my arm. “I know, baby. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep it
from you, but I just figured with the move and you being busy at school… I
wanted to give it a few dates before I told you. To make sure I really liked
him.”
I swallow down even more dry uncertainty. “And you do?”
She nods. “Yes. He’s really sweet and smart. And he has a boy your
age…”
“Where did you even meet this guy?” I ask, still flabbergasted, but trying
not to let it show. I don’t want to be acting like an immature idiot, but this is
really throwing me off. “And how did I not notice you’ve been going out on
all kinds of dates?”
“He brought his car into the dealership,” she tells me. “He asked me to
lunch, and we ended up having lunch a few times. And then a couple
dinners…”
“So when you said you were working late…” I mumble, piecing it all
together.
“I’m so sorry I lied, Avi,” she whimpers, taking my hand between hers.
“It’s just… this is all so new for me. You know I haven’t…” She pauses, her
eyes falling to our hands. “I haven’t had a real relationship since your father.”
The way those words sting my chest feels like battery acid pumping
through my veins.
My dad died when I was six. It’s been ten years, and my mom hasn’t had
a meaningful relationship since. That sucks.
I don’t want her to be miserable. She’s still young, after all. Just because
she lost the love of her life unexpectedly in a tragic accident, that shouldn’t
mean she never gets to be with anyone else.
Granted, I know literally nothing about love. I’ve never even had a
girlfriend… Unless you count Kelsey Lachlan in sixth grade, who I dated for
three days. Or Taylor Nguyen, the girl I used to make out with on occasion
back in Brooklyn. And I definitely don’t think I’d count them as anything
relationship adjacent.
Really, it’s not that I don’t want to date, I just haven’t found anyone
who’s swept me away… The way Tom apparently has to my mother.
“Oh, baby boy, I can see you spiraling,” Mom says, launching herself at
me.
She grabs me in her arms and squeezes me tight, brushing her fingers
through my hair. It reminds me of when I was little…
When we’d both be crying over the loss of my father.
 “Mom, I’m not a child,” I grunt, wriggling out of her hold. “And I’m not
fragile. I can handle you dating. I just wish you didn’t feel like you had to
hide it from me…”
“I know, Av,” she squeaks. “You’re such a good son. That’s why I
needed to tell you the truth.” She cups my jaw with her slender hand. “It’s
just as strange for me to be feeling this way, I promise you.”
Nodding, I take one last heavy gulp, swallowing down my hesitations. It’s
not the end of the world that my mom likes a guy. He’s just a guy. He’ll
never be my father.
“So… you really like him?” I force a smile, and she grins.
I have to say, she looks years younger right now; illuminated by this new
relationship. And not that I really want to dwell on these thoughts… but I
guess it means this Tom person must be important to her.
“I do, Av,” she breathes. “He’s really great. I can’t wait for you to meet
him.” My eyes go wide again, and she chuckles. “When you’re ready, of
course.”
I let out a slow breath. For Mom…
I can be happy for her. I’m sure I can manage… meeting this guy.
And when I do, he’ll have to pass my test. If he’s not good enough for
her, then this will be a very different conversation.
Suddenly, something she said sticks out in my mind. “You said he has a
son my age?”
She nods enthusiastically. “Yes! I haven’t met him yet. We were waiting
to talk to you both first…”
This is something they’ve been planning??
“Mom… How long have you actually been seeing this guy?” I narrow my
gaze at her.
She chews on her bottom lip for a second before answering. “It’s been
about… two months.”
“Two months?!” My eyes are bulging all over again. “We’ve only been
living here for three months! Jeez, I guess the sharks are circling the chum
here in Boston…”
“Avi!” She glares.
“Okay, fine. The pigs are hunting for truffles.” I grin while she stares at
me. “You’re the truffle… ’cause they’re fancy.”
She pinches the bridge of her nose. “How did I make this person…”
My smirk widens.
 “Aviel, I told you I’m sorry for keeping it from you,” she goes on, sighing
regretfully. “Can you please not make me feel bad about this? It’s a strange
situation, for all of us. I mean, Tom is coming out of a nasty divorce… We
just wanted to make sure it was something real before we told you boys.”
My stomach clenches like a fist. The way she’s talking… it’s like we’re
already a family. The four of us…
Me, Mom, Tom… and this other kid.
Stepbrother??
Whoa… trippy.
I’ve been an only child my whole life. I would have no idea how to be a
brother…
“Mother, I have something very serious to ask you,” I mumble, and she
gawks at me. “Can I please go smoke?”
She lets out a laugh, and it quirks my lips. Despite the unease slinking
around inside me, she’s still my mother, and my best friend. Epic Momma’s
Boy, reporting for duty. As long as we’re still us, I’m sure it’ll all work out.
But now I definitely need to mellow before I really do start spiraling.
“Okay…” Mom straightens. “You can go outside on the deck while I start
dinner, and I’ll pretend I don’t know what you’re doing out there.”
I grin and stand up. “Thanks, Ma.”
She smiles, her voice stopping me before I can leave the room. “I love
you, Avi.”
Pausing with my back to her, I peer over my shoulder to show her a
casual smile that feels only a bit stilted. “Love you too, mother.”
On my way outside, with my joint already lit between my lips, tension
grips my muscles and unease cradles my thoughts. I don’t want to think that
things are about to change drastically, again, for the second time in three
months…
But tell that to the weed I don’t stop smoking until it’s at my fingertips.
Sedate these rabid thoughts, please.
 Unicorndicks: God, I would beg you to ruin my life and thank you for it after.

I want absolutely no part of this…

Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I try harder to focus on what I’m doing.
Push away the nagging thoughts and the frustrations of what I know is
coming, and just be present.
Her tongue is silky wet in my mouth, hair in smooth strands, threaded
between my fingers as I hold on to it, matching her energy. For every suck
and gentle nip she gives my lips, I give her one back, reclined on her bed
while she grinds her supple curves all over me.
It feels good. No fucking shit it does. But I’m still distracted. I don’t want
to be…
I’d give anything to really be in this moment with my girlfriend. But I just
can’t stop thinking about what I’m supposed to be leaving to go do…
It’s bullshit, is what it is.
Attempting to pry my mouth away from Becca’s for the third time, I
mumble onto her pouty lips. “I really have to go, babe. My dad will freak out
if I’m late…”
“Just stay…” she whines, hand sliding in between our bodies, down to my
crotch. “I’ll make it worth your while.”
Is there ever a time when a guy my age is able to decline such an offer? I
don’t think so.
But I don’t exactly have a choice here. Tonight is a special night,
according to my father, and I’m already fucking miserable over it. The last
thing I need is for him to also be shooting me disapproving looks the whole
time after I show up disheveled and covered in hickeys.
I don’t think Becca was able to plant any visible ones, but I can’t be sure
just yet.
“As tempting as that sounds”—I grin, kissing her one more time softly
while also subtly pushing her off me—“I gotta go. If I piss him off now, I’ll
wind up grounded for the rest of summer break. And we can’t have that…
Can we?”
She continues to pout, touching me everywhere with needy fingers. But
then she sighs, “No, we can’t. Especially because Kim’s pool party is in two
weeks, and you have to see the bathing suit I bought.” She flutters her long,
fake eyelashes at me. “It’s gonna blow you away.”
My fingertips dig into her waist a little. “I look forward to it.”
One last peck on the lips and I manage to extract myself from her grip,
rolling off the bed. I wave and blow her a kiss before darting out of her
bedroom, heading downstairs. On my way out the door, I’m shaking my head
in annoyance.
I can’t believe I have to leave hooking up with my girlfriend to go do
this… We have the house to ourselves, for fuck’s sake!
Both of Bec’s parents work during the day, and now that it’s summer
vacation, we could do literally whatever we want in her house as long as it’s
before six. I’ve been looking forward to having sex with her again. The first
time—which was both of our first times—was good, but it was sort of…
awkward. Maybe awkward isn’t the right word…
We were both kind of nervous, I guess. So I’ve been itching to get back
on that horse—ew, bad analogy. Practice does make perfect, though. And I’m
awesome at most things, so I figure I’ll only need to do it a few more times
before I become awesome at sex, too.
But no. Instead of getting my eager dick back inside my girlfriend, I’m
going home on a Friday evening to have dinner with my dad, the woman he’s
currently screwing, and her son.
I’d rather rip a shot of bleach.
Yet I’m still doing it, because of my pathological need to please authority
figures, my father being the main one. Sometimes I wish I could just say fuck
it. Toss up my middle finger to everything and do what I want.
But then I remember that I need the order; the structure. It’s good for me.
Keeps me from thinking about… things.
Shoving those thoughts away, deep in the back of my mind, I walk up the
block to the bus stop and wait. I’m usually a pretty patient person, but I am so
motherloving sick of riding the bus. I can’t wait to turn sixteen and finally
apply for my driver’s license. My dad said if I get straight As my first
semester of junior year, he’ll buy me a car. There’s a goal for this fall that I’ll
have absolutely no problem achieving.
The bus shows up and I hop on, sitting quietly with my mind thrumming
as it drives up Highland Ave. Our house in Somerville is nice… Actually,
nicer than the one I grew up in, which was also in Somerville, just across
town. I think after the divorce, my father was trying to prove how fine he was
by buying a better house than the one we lived in when he and my mom were
still together.
It’s the image. The portrayal. Everything needs to look perfect on the
outside… no matter how decayed and rotten it is beneath the surface.
Grinding my teeth together, I pull my phone out of my pocket and open
the camera. I force a smirk and snap a selfie, posting it to my Instagram
account with the caption:
Crushin another day in Somerville. Love my hometown. #blessed
I post it and let out a slow breath.
When the bus comes to a stop, I hop off and wander up the block to my
house. Thankfully, I don’t see any other cars in the driveway, which means
the guests probably aren’t here yet. Maybe they cancelled… Maybe we’re not
doing this stupid fucking dinner and I can hang out with my friends tonight
instead of this parental version of waterboarding.
Unfortunately, when I step inside the house, I smell food cooking, which
means a dinner of some kind is happening. I spot Theresa in the kitchen, and
I can already tell she’s making a fancier meal than what she usually cooks for
just Dad and me.
My father doesn’t cook, or do really any sort of housework, so when he
and my mom split, he hired Theresa to do all that stuff. She’s a nice lady, and
not that I would ever admit it out loud, but I like having her around. She
provides a buffer between my dad and me. A much-needed one.
I don’t even want to think about what it would be like if it were just the
two of us in this house…
“You’re late,” my father’s gruff voice calls from the den, and my spine
stiffens.
“You said five-thirty…” I murmur, turning around slowly.
“And it’s quarter to six.” He lifts his wrist to display his Rolex, as if to
make some bullshit point. “That’s what late means, Kyran.”
My fist tightens at my side. “Well, they’re not here yet… Right?” He
narrows his gaze at me, and I sigh an exhale meant to calm me down. “I was
hanging out with Becca.”
His head does a barely visible nod, which means he approves, at least a
little. My dad likes Becca, mainly because her family is from Southie, and
they’re well-off. Really all that matters to him.
He doesn’t give two shits about personality or interest… If you were
raised Irish Catholic in Boston, then you’re alright in Thomas Harbor’s book.
“Go get ready for dinner.” He takes a sip from his glass of Jameson.
“They’ll be here shortly.”
There is oh-so much I’d like to say right now, but as usual, I stuff it all
down and obey his command, stalking off to the stairs and up to my
bedroom.
I just don’t understand why this is even necessary…
My parents have been divorced for three years. My father has dated
women, I know he has. I mean, he doesn’t tell me about it, but I know it’s
happening. He goes out for the night, dressed in a suit, and usually doesn’t
come home until after I’m already asleep.
But that’s just it. I don’t give a shit if he wants to date women. He could
fuck his way around the entire Greater Boston Area for all I care.
What I don’t want to deal with is having to meet the broads he’s sleeping
with. He should just keep it to himself. Why put me through some forced
awkward dinner with this woman and her son? What’s the point??
My mind flits to my mother while I strip out of my clothes and get
redressed in dinner attire. She remarried six months after the divorce was
final, and got pregnant only a few months after that. Elena Harbor is now
Elena Harbor-McLaughlin. She lives in Cambridge with her husband, Paul,
and my half-sister, Paige, who I’ve only met once.
I never see my mom anymore, which makes sense. She couldn’t get out
of their marriage fast enough. It was like she was itching to escape from
him… and me. And the memories of… everything. How fast it all
deteriorated…
Closing my eyes, I rub them hard with my fingers, causing spots in my
vision. Reaching for my phone, I open the camera and aim it at myself,
posing for the perfect shirtless selfie. While I don’t plan on posting this one, I
still take the picture. And I stare at it afterward, for minutes on end.
Examining myself, frame and physique.
I’m in good shape. I have to be, what with football and all. My eyes take
in the image of myself on the screen… Dirty blonde hair, perfectly swept
back by my fingers, skin slightly tanned from the sun of summer’s beginning.
I blink over and over at the guy looking back at me as my heart’s rapid
thumps steady back into a normal rhythm.
“That’s you,” I whisper.
“Kyran!” Dad’s voice shouts from downstairs, and I flinch myself back to
reality.
“Coming!”
Slipping into my button-down, I tuck my phone away in my pocket, take
one last look in the mirror, and leave my bedroom.
I’m sure my father is hosting this stupid dinner as yet another image boost
for himself. It doesn’t mean anything…
But in the back of my mind, as I descend the stairs, watching him open
the door and greet some stranger, I know it’s more than that.
My mother got remarried… She has a new baby, a new family. A new
life.
In his eyes, she won. And he can’t have that.
“Hello, beautiful,” my father says with a smile to a short, dark-haired
woman.
Beautiful?? Okay, that’s… gross.
He kisses her cheek, then motions for her to come inside, which she does,
all the while smiling back at him. I already don’t like how they’re looking at
each other. But I’m distracted from the sickening sight of my father swooning
over some new lady when a tall kid with dark hair just like hers steps inside
behind her.
I’m immediately frozen in scowl on the second to last step.
“Thomas, I’d like you to meet my son, Avi.” The woman gestures to the
dude, who looks to be my age, same height, similar build… maybe a little
slimmer.
She peeks at him, and his mouth twists into a visibly nervous grin as he
extends his hand to my father.
“Very nice to meet you, Avi.” My dad shakes the kid’s hand. “And
please, just call me Tom.”
“Okay…” The guy—Avi—appears to be assessing my father, a protective
gaze sliding over him, up and down, while he stands close to his mother.
“Tom.” His mother elbows him, and he grunts. “Uh, nice to meet you….
also.”
My brow furrows. Who is this dude?? He seems kind of like an idiot.
“Kyran,” my father says my name in his normal stern brogue, which has
me hesitantly stomping off the final steps and over to them. “This is Hannah
Vega, and her son, Avi.” He shoots me a look, and I straighten, holding out
my hand.
“Hi,” I mutter, miserable and not really able to hide it. “Kyran. Nice to
meet you both.”
“Hello, Kyran.” Hannah smiles while shaking my hand. And as much as I
hate to admit it, she seems nice. Her voice is soft and melodious, and she is
beautiful. Olive skin and long, dark hair. Mediterranean look. “I’ve heard so
much about you.”
Her pearly white teeth almost blind me, as does her pleasantness. But
when I release her hand and turn to her son, for some reason, all I feel is
hostility.
“Sup.” He grins at me, displaying some vast dimples.
My teeth grind together. “Hey.” I shake his hand, hard, squeezing it tight.
You know, to let him know who’s boss around here.
My dad… But also, me.
A few heavy seconds go by where we’re both sizing each other up. Well,
I’m sizing him up. He seems to be just observing me, in a way that feels
appraising and makes my neck hot.
Shifting away from him, I’m attempting to be polite as I ask, “Would you
like something to drink?”
I’m mostly talking to Hannah, but I can’t help how my eyes flit to Avi
briefly, just to see what he’s doing. He’s not even looking at me anymore.
Now, his gaze is darting all over the inside of our house.
Hm… Easily distracted and dopey. Like a puppy.
“Sure, thank you,” Hannah responds to my offer, but looks to my father.
“I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
He takes her by the arm. “Come. I have a fantastic bottle of Bordeaux we
can open.”
Ugh. Barf. I already hate this.
The two of them wander off, leaving Avi and me standing around like
morons. Avi’s eyes linger on my father and his mother for a moment, that
same protective glint in them, while mine slide over him once more, noting
his clothes. He’s wearing black skinny jeans with rips on the knees, worn
Converse sneakers, and a charcoal V-neck t-shirt that hugs his torso.
I puff my chest a bit. I could take him.
“There’s, like, soda and stuff in the kitchen if you want…” I mumble,
genteel enough, though I really have no interest in engaging with this dude. I
can already tell we have little to nothing in common just from looking at him,
and now more than ever, I’m seeing this evening for what it is…
A big fat fucking waste of time.
“We don’t get any wine?” he asks, and when I grimace, he chuckles. “Just
kidding. Wow, lighten up.” He slaps me hard on the back, then walks away,
in the direction of the kitchen.
I feel my scowl becoming a permanent feature on my face.
My father and Hannah are giggling in the den. And if my teeth weren’t
crumbling as it is from how tightly my jaw is clenched, when I get to the
kitchen, I find Avi making himself at home. Opening our refrigerator, rifling
around, pulling out a can of Coke. He cracks it open and takes a sip, making
one of those ah noises afterward as he leans up against the counter.
It takes me a moment to notice that my fists are balled at my sides.
“So… what’s your deal?” he asks me, and my brows crush together in
confusion and irritation.
“Deal?” I scoff. “I have no deal. What’s your deal?”
He grins. It annoys the fucking shit out of me.
His eyes slide over me again, a slow traipse up and down. And as much
as I have this frustrating urge to wrap my arms around myself, I stand up
straight and let him do it, squinting at him all the while.
“You look pretty preppy,” he says casually. “Are you, like, a jock or
something?”
Forcing myself to swallow down the rage that’s building inside me, faster
than the usual rate, I grumble, “I play football, if that’s what you’re
asking…”
He huffs. “Figures.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean—”
The question is barely finished barking out of my mouth when Theresa
rounds the corner into the kitchen. “Alright, kiddo. As much as I love you
bothering me while I’m trying to cook, I need you to move. You’re taking up
too much space.” She pauses with a wooden spoon in her hand when she
notices the stranger in the room. “Oh, hello. Who’s this now?”
 Avi smiles at her, and I roll my eyes. Why does he smile so much? It
makes him look deranged.
“This is Avi…” I mutter. “His mother is… dating Dad. Allegedly.”
Theresa’s eyes fling back and forth between the two of us, her brow
raising for a split second before she offers a polite smile to Avi.
“Well, nice to meet you, Avi,” she says. “I’m Theresa. But you can just
call me The Help.”
Avi laughs. And then they high-five each other. Like they’ve known each
other for years.
The way this whole experience is boiling my blood feels very toxic, but I
can’t help it. I don’t like what’s going on here. It’s one thing for my father to
bring over this woman and her goofy son, but now they’re waltzing around
like they own the place, befriending my Theresa…
I hate everything about this.
At that moment, my dad comes into the room with Hannah, holding
hands, and croons, “Why don’t I give you two a tour of the house…”
He’s actually smiling, for the first time in what feels like my entire life.
And he sounds happy.
What kind of fresh hell is this??
“Dinner will be ready in ten,” Theresa announces.
“Perfect.” Dad smiles down at Hannah, and she up at him.
And my veins are sizzling.
My father proceeds to bring Hannah and Avi all around the house,
showing them things while they ooh and aah like they’ve never seen a house
before. And I’m just following behind them the whole time, seething.
I really don’t want to be jealous of these new people. I hate feeling
jealousy, because I’m usually able to portray exactly enough confidence and
self-assurance to thwart such emotions. But I can’t help the little green
monster inside me right now.
The way my dad is acting, it’s as if he’s been miserable for years, and
now he’s finally happy again, thanks to Hannah Vega and her smiling,
dimpled-dimwit son. Not only does that make me feel like utter shit, but also,
Hannah is so epically different from my mom, and my father’s usual type.
Granted, I don’t know her well, but just watching her and listening to her
speak proves my point. She’s nothing like my mom, and my dad seems elated
by it.
We’re done perusing the upstairs, and my father and Hannah are walking
downstairs chatting when Avi leans in to me and whispers, “Your room is
really boring.”
And then he clomps down the steps, leaving me standing there, seconds
away from tackling him to the ground. What the hell is wrong with this guy??
Does he have no manners whatsoever? We just met, for fuck’s sake, and he’s
just throwing shade at me like some kind of cocky emo-douche.
My mood is more sour than a lemon wedge in my mouth as we all sit
down around the dinner table. Theresa serves us, then scuttles off, leaving us
to eat under a bubble of awkward tension.
I would’ve been fine pushing my food around in silence, but
unfortunately, my father decides to make conversation.
“So, Avi, how are you liking Malden High?”
Avi looks up at him, chewing for a few generous seconds while blinking
his wide eyes like he’s trying to figure out how to answer the question.
“It’s alright.” He fiddles with his fork. “My art class is pretty cool.”
“Avi prefers the arts,” Hannah says, peeking at her son. “Trying to get
him to hold an interest in anything else has always been… difficult.”
My eyes shift to Avi. At a dig like that from my parents, I’d be cowering
inside. But he doesn’t seem disturbed by it at all. He simply shrugs and grins,
popping another bite of chicken into his mouth.
“Oh…” my father utters, and I brace myself for him to go off on a tangent
about how important education is, and how getting good grades will get you
into a good school, blah blah blah. I’ve heard it a million times. But instead,
he says, “Well, I’m sure you’ll find your footing soon. At least you have
something you’re passionate about.”
I nearly do a spit-take with my mouthful of soda.
“Kyran does well in school,” he goes on. “But his main passion is
football. Isn’t that right, son?”
He shows me a pleasant smile, which I balk at. Who the hell are you, and
what have you done with my borderline fascist father??
“Yea,” I grunt through my bewilderment. “Football is great.”
Avi smirks at me. “Let me guess, you’re the quarterback.”
I purse my lips. Because he’s right… I am the quarterback. And I’m
proud of it, but for some reason, I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of
feeling like he knows me after only a few minutes.
Thankfully, my father does it for me. “Yes, he is!” Dad says proudly.
“He’s in line to make varsity next year. Then he’ll be playing for a
scholarship to BC.”
“Oh, wow!” Hannah gasps with zeal. “Boston College football… Isn’t
that exciting, Avi?”
“I wouldn’t say exciting…” Avi shrugs again while eating.
“Avi was looking into BC also,” Hannah tells us.
Avi’s head springs up. “I was??”
She ignores him, speaking more to my father than anyone else. “They
have a great art program.”
Dad nods along. “I’ve heard that. Somerville High also has some great art
classes, though Ky isn’t exactly interested in that. It’s all about football,
which is why we chose the public school over private. Their team wasn’t
exactly on par…”
Oh, yea. Sure, Dad. That’s why we chose the public school…
“BC sounds just great,” Hannah sighs.
My dad grins. “Wouldn’t it be fun if you two went to the same place?”
It seems like he’s asking us, but he’s not looking at us at all. His eyes are
only on Hannah, and I’ve completely lost my appetite. He’s trying so hard to
impress her, and it’s making me nauseous.
“Can I be excused?” I gripe.
“Absolutely not. We just sat down,” Dad barks quietly without looking at
me. “So, tell us all about New York, you two. What was it like living in
Brooklyn?”
I… don’t… care. I have to fight the urge to drop my face onto my plate.
Hannah regales us with the story of their life in Brooklyn before they
moved here last year. And I’m assuming that my dad already knows most of
these details, but he still seems swept away by listening to her speak.
Apparently, her husband passed away years ago, but she doesn’t go into
what happened, and it has my curiosity sort of piqued. Until she mentions
where she’s really from…
Hannah was born in Israel. She left there when she was young and moved
to Lebanon with some family before immigrating to the States when she was
eighteen. From what I’m gathering, she’s never really gotten along well with
her family, but when she married her late husband, who was Spanish, I guess
she was sort of shunned from their community.
I’m finding her history pretty fascinating, but I can barely even pay
attention to that because my mind is too busy reeling over the fact that my
father, who was raised strictly Irish Catholic, is dating a Jewish woman.
 I never thought I’d see the day.
I guess Hannah and Avi don’t practice Judaism at all. They both mention
that they’re more spiritual than religious, which is also too much for me to
unpack right now. I’m just baffled that my father is going along with this…
My father, Thomas Harbor… Who brought me to Catholic church my
whole life. Had me and my sister baptized and had me go through
communion… Who sent me to church camp until I was twelve and forced me
to be an altar boy…
My hands are growing awfully sweaty, and I have to keep rubbing my
palms on my jeans. Sure, I haven’t set foot in a church in years. But my
father still considers himself a die-hard Catholic.
The whole thing is making my head spin, among other things… But now
more than ever, I just want this meal to be over. I have a pounding migraine
coming on, and I’m sick of feeling all shredded up inside while the kid across
the table from me sits there and grins casually, like he doesn’t have a care in
the goddamn world, in my house.
By the time we’re done with dinner and dessert, I’m practically running
out onto the back deck for some air. I need to be alone for a few, to clear my
head. Everything feels so congested.
I only get about three minutes to myself before I hear someone stepping
outside behind me.
“You have a nice place.” The grungy male voice stiffens my spine and
forces me to peer over my shoulder. “Somerville seems cool.”
“Why? Where do you live?” I scoff, like a snob, but I can’t help it. I’m
not in the mood to be talking to him.
“Malden,” Avi says, either not picking up on my attitude because he’s an
airhead, or choosing to ignore it because it doesn’t affect him. I’ve decided
it’s the former. “We’re just in an apartment for now… It’s okay, but I’d like
to have more room. Like this—”
“Well, guess what.” I spin to face him. “You’re not getting it. I don’t
know what you think… If you and your mom are just looking for someone
with money to support you or something, but it’s not gonna happen. Go find
some other family to leech onto and leave us alone.”
A flash of what might be vulnerability shines in his eyes, rippling their
grayish version of light blue. I’m not trying to focus on it, but it’s just
happening.
The sting of my comment wears off quickly, and Avi pulls one of his
blithe little smirks he’s been wearing all night.
He steps over to me slowly. “Don’t worry, superstar. I wouldn’t be caught
dead associating with your preppy ass.” Stuffing his hands into his pockets,
he leans in. “Bad for my image.” Then he winks, twirls around, and leaves
me standing out on the deck alone…
Desperately clinging to some truth in his words.
It won’t last.
There’s no way…
The high will wear off and my dad will come to his senses.
This isn’t permanent.
 DarthKittyVader: 10/10 I would let those hands be my necklace.

6 Months Later…

Welp, the unthinkable happened…

Tom proposed to my mother. And she actually said yes.
He did it on Thanksgiving. We had dinner at his house, just the four of
us…
Me, Mom, Thomas Harbor, and his football-playing jerk-wad of a son,
Kyran.
I was already annoyed at having Thanksgiving with people other than my
mother for the first time since I was a little kid. Even more so, having it with
people I don’t really care for all that much. But then after dinner, while we
were all sitting around the den, having pumpkin pie like some kind of new
little family, Tom dropped onto one knee and fucking proposed to my
mother.
All summer, I’d really been trying to stay positive about the whole thing.
I never want to rain on my mom’s parade, mainly because she’s spent so
many years depressed and kind of lonely after the death of my father. But the
proposal just smacked me in the face. And I wasn’t the only one…
The word yes was barely out of my mother’s mouth before Kyran got up
and stormed off. Tom went after him, and we heard them yelling for a few
minutes while I just sat there quietly, forcing an uneasy smile and telling
Mom that I was happy for her.
When Tom returned, he said, “He’ll come around. Ky just needs time to
adjust. He took the divorce pretty hard…”
My mother comforted him, like he was the one who was upset, and we
didn’t see Kyran again for the rest of the night.
My head spun for days on end after that. Because even though they hadn’t
told us outright how big things would be changing, I just knew it was true.
My mother, my best friend and the only person I have in this world, was
getting remarried. Moving to Boston was just the beginning…
Apparently, I was getting a whole new family dynamic, and I had no
choice but to get on board with it. And sure enough, the changes came on like
rapid-fire after that.
Over Christmas break, we moved into Tom and Kyran’s house in
Somerville. And now, I’ve officially resumed my junior year at yet another
new school… Somerville High.
The school thing isn’t the biggest deal for me. I’m really not a fan of high
school anyway, and it’s not like I had much time to grow accustomed to
Malden, since I was barely there for a full school year. But Holly took it kind
of hard…
She had sort of become my girlfriend, only in the sense that I lost my
virginity to her. We were never even really an official item, and I know it
sounds bad to say, but I think she liked me more than I liked her. Not that I
didn’t like her, or that I don’t, but I never got butterflies being with her.
Don’t get me wrong, losing my virginity was cool and all, but it seemed
more like something I was supposed to do… Not something that made me
feel weightless.
We agreed to stay in touch when I left Malden. In theory, I guess I could
have kept dating her, since I’m only a town over. But it just didn’t seem
realistic at my age to come to a new school with a girlfriend. And that
probably goes to show how little I was invested in the relationship, because it
would have been pretty easy to keep dating Holly. The whole thing makes me
feel like a jerk, and I don’t like that.
It’s all Tom’s fault.
He’s the one who swept my mother off her feet in record time. He’s the
one with the big fancy house in Somerville, within the new school district, so
transferring me was easier than keeping me at Malden High. He’s the one
with the son who clearly hates my guts without even making the slightest
effort to get to know me.
Kyran is a dick, and that’s putting it mildly. I’m not used to having
siblings as it is, and now I’ve been saddled with one who’s nothing like me,
and who spends every interaction we have scowling at me like I pissed in his
Raisin Bran.
I wish it wasn’t just us… Like, if there was another sibling to maybe
soften the blow. Kyran has an older sister, Bridget, but I guess she left home
after the divorce and went to school in California. I can’t say I don’t get it…
Putting distance between me and the ray of sunshine known as Kyran Harbor
does seem like a fun concept.
But I can’t do that. I refuse to leave my mother, which is why the meeting
with my guidance counselor to talk about college applications revolved
around me applying to all schools in the Boston area.
It’s just after lunch, and I’m on my way to art class when I hear a
symphony of raucous laughter that grates in my ears like a particularly
terrible song. Ever heard “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani?
I refuse to look their way, but there’s a group of football players exiting
the locker room, shoving each other around like testosterone-fueled jocks
tend to.
In their own little world. Nothing and no one else matters…
“Fuck!” I grunt when one of them bumps right into my shoulder, hard.
Hard enough that I drop my art book on the floor, papers scattering out, all
across the hallway.
Tipping my chin, I aim a seething glare in the direction of their brood.
And go figure… the one who bumped me is none other than the asshole I
now share a bathroom with.
“Oops.” Kyran smirks over his shoulder at me while walking away,
preppy fuckhead that he is.
Then he proceeds to step right on my drawings, laughter continuing on
amongst him and his stupid fucking friends. My jaw is clamped as I bend to
pick up my stuff, quickly stuffing papers back into my book while Kyran and
his pals high-five each other.
“Okay… That was totally on purpose,” I mumble to myself, deliberately
ignoring them.
“Oh my God, what a fucking loser!” One of the other jocks cackles. “Is
that manga??”
This time, I can’t possibly keep my mouth shut. “If it’s so lame, why do
you know what it’s called?” My lips curl as I tilt my head in his direction.
The dumb dope’s face drops, and he looks embarrassed. Point one for me.
 “Please. It’s a standard for art nerds,” Kyran speaks up, narrowing his
gaze at me. “You’re all the same. Drawing big-titted girls you could never get
in a million years.”
They laugh some more.
“Forgive me, I’m working on memory,” I growl at him. “I’ve only met
your mom once.”
My evil smirk grows as Kyran’s fists clench, and he turns to stomp back
in my direction.
“The fuck did you just say to me??” he hisses, and I stand up.
Fuck it. If he wants a fight, I’m game. Sure, I’ve never fought anyone
before… but how hard could it be to throw a punch? I’ve been working out
more lately… Maybe I could just hit him and run.
“Hey, enough.” A female voice stops us, and I pry my fuming gaze away
from Kyran long enough to notice a small, pink-haired girl stepping in
between us.
My shoulders drop back as Kyran does the same, his friends grabbing him
and tugging him away from our potential throw-down. He shoots me one last
angry scowl before returning to his dumb jock friends. Keeping my wicked
grin intact, I turn to the girl who’s helping me.
“Ignore them,” she says, bending to pick up the rest of my drawings.
“Clearly the steroid injections are still fresh.”
I chuckle, eyeing her while she straightens. I’ve seen this girl around… In
fact, she’s in my art class. But I’ve only been here a few weeks, so I barely
know anyone’s names yet. Other than the asshat I live with, who seems hard-
pressed to make my time in this school a living hell already.
“Thanks for that,” I murmur as she hands me my drawings. “I won’t say I
wouldn’t have thrown a few punches their way, but getting my ass kicked by
a band of jockstrap-wearing dickheads probably wouldn’t be great for my
reputation as the new kid.”
She laughs and shakes her head. “Yea, probably not.”
I take her in for a moment. She’s really pretty, and visibly different from
most of the other girls at this school. Bronze skin tone and a Colgate smile,
fashionably ripped clothes and bright pink hair, piercings in her lip and nose,
even a few visible tattoos on her hands.
She looks cool. And maybe just the right amount of anti-establishment for
us to bond over being weirdos. I’m in.
“These are really good, by the way.” Her eyes fall to my art book. “I have
to admit, I’ve peeped some of your stuff in class. I like your style.”
“Really?” I can’t help but grin wide. “Thanks. I’m still sort of trying to
find my niche…”
“Your portraits are sick. And I love all this detail.” She points to one of
my sketches I started yesterday, of a girl and a guy holding hands as they’re
beamed up into a spaceship. “I’m Frankie.”
I shift my book to shake her hand. “Avi. It’s nice to meet someone cool
around here… You know, someone who isn’t all about football and
cheerleading.”
“Well, don’t get me wrong, I love football.” She smiles. “The games,
mostly. I’m in the band.”
“Oh, that’s awesome,” I tell her excitedly. “So you really are the hot-nerd
needle in a preppy haystack?”
Frankie’s head dips back in a laugh that warms my gut. She has this sultry
rasp to her voice that I like. “There are more of us, don’t worry. Hang with
me, kid. I’ll show you how to survive this school.”
I’m so excited to be making a friend that I end up nodding along and
mindlessly following her like a pet.
Maybe this new school won’t be so bad after all…

When I get home, the house is empty.

It’s a relief, for sure, since I’m not in the mood to watch my mom and
Tom make googly eyes at each other while blathering about wedding plans.
And I’m definitely not in the mood to see my douchebag almost-stepbrother
after what happened at school today.
I’m telling you… I’m really trying to keep a positive outlook here. But
the idea of even calling that guy my stepbrother is making me want to die.
He’s just such a snob.
Mr. Perfect Football Quarterback, with his perfect grades, and his stupid
ironed clothes with no holes in them. Jock body and perfectly coiffed hair…
laughing at people who are different with his idiot friends…
I scoff to myself upstairs to my bedroom. Milktoast motherfuckers. They
all look the same and dress the same. Sports are their whole personality, it’s
pathetic. Actually, it’s all so predictable, I could retch for them.
They date the same rich cheerleaders, who are eerily similar to their own
waspy mothers. Totally creepy. They peak in college and end up in the same
boring marriages their parents had… The once hot-stuff popular girls become
white-wine-and-Xanax-guzzling zombies, and the football all-stars get stuck
in dead-end corporate jobs, then end up cheating with their secretaries until
they’re slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit. Get divorced, then prey on
the moms of unsuspecting emo nerds like me.
And the cycle repeats itself.
“Bleh…” I grumble, meandering into my room and tossing my backpack
onto the bed. “Cool kids… Kill me now.”
Rustling in my secret desk drawer, I pull out some weed and rolling
papers. Okay… So I don’t know for certain that’s what happened with Tom
and his wife. But it wouldn’t surprise me. Not one bit.
Closing my eyes for a moment, I shake my head. I want to give him the
benefit of the doubt. I want to see my mom happy. But it’s just so easy to be
skeptical when these people are so very different from us.
I mean, these aren’t blue-collar people. They’re Irish Catholics from
Southie.
No wonder Kyran hates me so much… I’m a mutt in his eyes.
Alright, that’s not fair either. He’s not a racist or anything. He’s a jerk,
there’s a difference. And I don’t want to spend another minute obsessing over
all this crap.
It’s toking time.
Sticking the joint between my lips, I light it and take a long drag,
grabbing a nearby can of Febreze and spraying it everywhere. I go for my
backpack, pulling out my Spanish homework. It makes me smile. For only a
moment, before I’m smacked upside the head by reality once more.
My father… He used to speak Spanish to me when I was little. Before he
died.
I was six years old when Arlo Vega was taken from this world. He
worked construction for the city. And one day, there was a terrible accident
on the job site, and he fell from some scaffolding that wasn’t properly
secured.
My father plummeted to his death from over a hundred feet. Dead on
impact.
It’s that level of hurt, internal scars and a lifelong pain to overcome, that
I’m not sure Thomas or Kyran Harbor, with their cushy life, could ever
understand.
A loud thump snaps me out of it. Like a reflex, I stub my joint out on my
tongue and tuck everything away in my drawer, in case it’s Mom or her
fiancé. But when I hear footsteps clomping upstairs, I realize that it’s neither
of them. It’s someone worse. Someone angry.
A muffled voice comes from outside my bedroom door, the steps making
their way into the other room just up the hall. I listen as Kyran slams his
bedroom door, talking to someone, likely on the phone.
“It’s only for one more year…” I hear his voice through my door to our
shared bathroom. “I already talked to Principal Brown, and he said there are
forms you can fill out so I can still attend Somerville while technically
residing in Cambridge. The school districts are—”
His voice cuts out like he’s been interrupted, and I creep over to
eavesdrop a little better.
“I know. I know that, Mom, but I’m begging you.” He actually sounds
distraught. It kind of humanizes the enemy a little. For once, he’s not being a
cocky, brooding asshole. “I just can’t… I don’t want to be here. Can I please
come live with you??”
My mouth drops open. I can’t believe what I’m hearing…
He’s pleading with his mother to let him come live with her… To get
away from me?? I mean, I’m guessing that’s what’s happening. Why else
would he be suddenly desperate to move out of the home he’s lived in for
years?
Kyran is quiet for a few heavy moments, while I’m trying not to make
any noise so I can keep spying.
Then I hear him release a ragged breath. “Okay… fine. Whatever. Have a
nice life then.”
I think the call is over when I hear him growl out loud. A crash causes me
to jump, like he threw something against a wall. I hear more stomping and
shuffling, and the hit of this decent sativa strain is filling me with the energy
needed to call him out.
He’s over there, huffing and puffing because he has to live with me, like
it’s some form of torture, when he’s the one who’s been treating me like shit
since we met. It’s not fair. I’m not thrilled about this arrangement either, but
at least I’m making an effort.
When I hear his aggressive movements enter our shared bathroom, I make
my move, whipping open the door and shouting, “Aha!”
Not sure why I chose to say that… But I don’t even have time to dwell on
it.
Because Kyran is ass naked.
He scrambles to cover his dick, eyes wide, face reddening as it contorts in
shock and appall. “What the fuck are you doing?!”
“Uh, my bad…” I mutter, looking away while he grabs a towel and
hastily secures it around his waist.
“Why are you bursting into the bathroom while I’m naked, you fucking
creeper?!” he growls, baffled rage framing his voice.
Allowing myself to peek again when I’m sure he’s covered-up, I find him
glaring at me, sandy-brown hair all tousled and his cheeks flushing crimson.
I clear my throat. “I um…” My brain has gone blank. Why did I come in
here again?? Oh, right… I straighten. “I heard what you said… Begging your
mom to let you live with her…” I fold my arms over my chest. “Sort of
desperate to get away from me, hm?”
His jaw ticks. “Yea. Now more than ever.”
“That’s kind of rude.” I match his glare with one of my own.
“Oh, and eavesdropping on people’s conversations, then bursting in on
them in the bathroom isn’t??” His brow arches, and I shrug.
Okay, I guess he has a point…
Letting out a breath, I rub my eyes with my fingers. “Alright, I’ll give you
that. But you were talking loud. I couldn’t help but overhear…”
“Right…” he scoffs, rolling his eyes as he turns away, fussing with things
on his side of the vanity.
“Look, Kyran…” I shift to face him fully. “This is just as weird for me as
it is for you, trust me.”
“Yea, I doubt that,” he hisses.
“No, I’m serious. I’m not used to living with anyone other than my mom.
And I’m definitely not used to having a brother… Especially one I just met,
who I’m now sharing a school and a bathroom with.”
“You’re not my brother,” he teems, peering at me.
I release a frustrated sigh. “Yea, well… they’re getting married. Whether
we like it or not, it’s happening. So don’t you think we should, I don’t
know… make an effort? To at least try to get along? For them…”
Kyran is quiet for a moment, staring at himself in the mirror with a
strange look in his eyes. They usually appear to be a green and bronze hazel,
but right now they’re dark, pupils visibly large, noticeable even from where
I’m standing.
I witness him swallow before he grips onto the edge of the countertop. “I
don’t owe him anything.”
I narrow my gaze at him. What the hell does that even mean?
This time, he twirls to face me, pinning me with a particularly severe
glower. “Who my father decides to marry is his business. But as far as I’m
concerned, you and your mother are simply people I have to tolerate until I
graduate and can get the fuck away from all of you.”
“Wow…” I breathe and swallow. “Mean.”
“It’s the truth.” He stands firm, his broad chest moving up and down,
struggling to contain his anger. “I don’t need any more friends, and I sure as
shit don’t need a brother who’s nothing like me.”
I blink. “You don’t even know me.”
“Oh, but I do.” He inches closer. “You’re the stoner kid who laughs it all
off because it’s easier than admitting you have no clue who you really are.
Nothing holds your attention, and you tell yourself it’s because of your artist
brain, but that’s just an excuse to slack off and flit around like a careless
buffoon. You have no friends, no relationship, nothing. You’re a momma’s
boy, and you act like you’re taking care of her, but the truth is that she
doesn’t need you. No one does.” I’m frozen as he leans in even closer to my
face. “You’re a waste of space. Now, get the fuck away from me. Please, and
thank you.”
I’m fucking stunned into stone. Harsh adrenaline rushes in my veins, my
stomach twisting and turning so violently I feel like I could vomit.
I can’t believe he just said that shit to me… What kind of horrendous
asshole is this kid??
Muscles tense all over my body and my fists ball on a hoarse whisper,
“Alright, then. I guess fuck you too.”
Stalking out of the bathroom, I slam the door so hard behind me, it rattles
the wall. I exhale out loud, shaking my head and pretending his words didn’t
get to me. That he’s just lashing out because he’s a stuck-up asshole who
thinks he’s better than everyone.
But no matter what I do, I can’t get his voice out of my head.
No matter how much more I smoke, it just won’t go.
You have no one…
No one needs you…
 I spend the rest of the night struggling to focus on my homework. And
when Mom and Tom come back with dinner, I tell them I’m not hungry.
I stay locked away in my bedroom, staring at the pages of the books I’m
not reading, with a hurtful truth bounding around in my brain.
You have… no… clue… who you really are.
 Tumultuous_ho3b4g: I’m not feeling myself today. Can I feel you instead?

One Year Later…

The muscles in my arms are tight, fighting the tremble.

They burn as I push with all my might, lifting the barbell up, then
controlling it back down. My chest strains, sweat lining my forehead. I puff
breaths on each push as my partner counts.
Twenty-five. Twenty-six.
My mind is clear while I focus on the hurt. The pain of the weight I’m
holding…
It feels good. The ache is like a companion, a comforting presence that
strokes my hair and whispers to me.
You’re so strong.
There’s nothing you couldn’t rip apart with your bare hands.
Garrison, who’s spotting me, says thirty, then helps me guide the bar back
into the uprights, before I’m even done.
I would’ve kept going… But I guess thirty reps of this much weight is
more than you’re normally supposed to do.
Weaklings. Give me more. I can take it.
Sitting up slowly, I wipe sweat from my brow while Garrison slaps me on
the shoulder.
“Nice work, killa,” he rumbles his support.
“Fuckin’ show-off,” my friend Marcus says with a smirk from across the
room.
 He’s only doing one-fifty. I guess he doesn’t need pain the way I do…
Grabbing my towel, I sling it around my neck, getting up and stretching
my arms over my head. I sip some water, glancing around the weight room at
my teammates. I’m going to miss this…
College football will be similar, but also different. I’ll have to get used to
all new players. Form bonds of camaraderie with new dudes.
Playing for the Eagles will be intense, but honestly, I’m looking forward
to it. The football field has always been the place where I shine. I play
because I’m good at it, but also because I need it. Football is the biggest part
of my image.
“So, Ky…” Garrison says my name, and I peer at him. “You break up
with Becca yet?”
A few of the guys laugh. And my chin dips. “No…”
“Come on, man.” He chuckles. “You gotta rip that shit off like a Band-
Aid.”
“It’s gonna be so damn awkward.” I run my fingers through sweaty
strands of my hair. “She’s going to Emerson… It would be like, really easy
for me to stay with her.”
“But you don’t want to…?” Marcus blinks up at me from where he’s
sitting on the weight bench.
“Uh, no.” I roll my eyes. “I mean, Becca’s cool and all, but BC will be a
sea of new pussy.”
“You got that right.” Mack, one of my other teammates, grins wickedly.
“And QB of the Eagles is guaranteed to have you drowning in it.”
I shove off the smile that wants to curve my mouth. “If I get QB…”
“Bro… you’re gonna get it.” Garrison slaps my arm. “Manifest destiny,
homie.”
I can’t help the amusement on my face that leads me to chuckle.
“Man, what the fuck are you talking about?!” Marcus cackles at him.
“It’s a thing! I’m telling you!” Garrison defends himself.
He’s always been the hippy of the group.
“And, not to mention that Lexi is going to BC…” Mack shoots me
another devious look.
“Hm…” I nod along, not really knowing how to react to that.
Lexi Erikson is this girl who lives in Everett. She’s fuckhot, and
sometimes shows up at parties in Somerville, at which point all the guys
drool over her, stalking around her like a bunch of territorial lions looking to
mate with the only lioness.
I didn’t know Lexi had gotten accepted to BC. We follow each other on
Instagram, but we’ve never really talked much. She cheers in Everett…
Maybe she’ll cheer for the Eagles.
My fuzzy mind springs back to Becca, and my stomach starts flopping,
bringing on a wave of nausea. I need to just break up with her, but it’ll be
hard. We’ve been together for a while at this point. We’ve said the I love you
words, although for me they were just that. Words.
I think she actually meant them.
My mind is stuck on this while we all make our way into the showers, the
guys still laughing, joking and fucking around in the background of my
internal dilemma. If I could love someone, I’m sure it should be Becca. On
paper, she’s perfect for me. Beautiful, smart, similar background… My dad
likes her.
But I just don’t feel it. I don’t know what love feels like. And at my age,
I’m a little worried that I’ve never felt something more than a basic shell of
attraction to any girl. Most of the guys I know either have girlfriends, or have
been through relationships where they say they were in love, even if they try
to be macho and downplay it. Still, it’s obvious they felt something for these
girls…
But not me. My chest is hollow any time I think about love. Like a simple
circle; an outline, with no solid substance to fill me up.
I might be broken… And the thought brings on a scratchy sensation,
crawling up my esophagus like claws.
Moving in front of the mirror, I stare at myself for a second, willing down
panic I can’t display in front of these guys. Fingers digging into the counter, I
close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I reopen them, I lock eyes with
myself.
You’re here. This is you.
More laughter tugs me out of it as all the guys strut around naked behind
me. Swallowing still feels thick, but I push through the discomfort, just like
when I’m lifting, and I join them.
I’ve always made it a point to move quickly in the locker room showers.
It’s not exactly a place you wanna get caught lingering anyway. I’m
obviously pretty comfortable with my body and all, but I’ll admit, sometimes
the nonchalance of showering next to a bunch of other naked dudes feels
tense.
 Nothing to dwell on. Lather, rinse, and move it along.
When I’m done with my two-minute shower, I hop out and get dressed.
And it’s while this is happening that I make a decision. I need to go find
Becca and end it. It’s the right thing to do.
Like Garr said, rip off the Band-Aid.
I think she’s still here, at school. She’s on the Graduation Committee, and
they’ve been meeting pretty much every day after school since graduation is
only a couple of weeks away. Nodding to the guys, I stuff down the
impending doom of how she’s going to take this and storm out of the locker
room.
Outside of the cafeteria, where they usually have the Grad Committee
meetings, I pace for a few jittery seconds, before taking a deep breath and
pushing through the doors. I spot the group of them, sitting at a table,
chatting. But I notice right away that Becca isn’t there.
A few of the kids look up as I approach, and I give them a polite smile.
“Hey, guys.”
“Kyran… Hi,” Julie chirps, shooting me this sort of wide-eyed look that
has my brows zipping together for a moment.
“Is Bec here?” I look around.
“Uh… no.” She peeks at Josh by her side. “She went to get her charger.”
“Her charger…” I repeat, eyeing them and wondering why they’re acting
so shifty.
“With Ash,” Josh says, and Julie elbows him.
“With Ash?” I narrow my gaze.
They’re both just staring at me, nodding. A pit is forming in my stomach,
but I ignore it, muttering, “Thanks,” while I spin and stomp away, back
toward the doors.
“I’m sure she’ll be right back!” Julie shouts after me, but I’m not
listening.
I’m going to find my girlfriend. Right now.
Stalking the halls, I’m tense. The charger story is obviously bullshit,
because the halls are empty and she’s not at her locker. I check every room,
frantically searching while my mind spins and spins, until finally, I hear
voices coming from the music room.
Peeking through the small window in the door, I spot Becca, and Ash.
They’re just talking, and my shoulders drop, a relived chuckle puffing as I
shake my head. I can’t believe I just started panicking over nothing.
 Nope… Not nothing.
Ash leans in, smiling while pressing a slow kiss on my girlfriend’s lips.
Her hand runs up onto his jaw, fingers threading in his shaggy black hair as
she kisses him back. Like she wants it.
She’s not pushing him away… They’re just standing there, out in the
fucking open, making out like she doesn’t have a care in the world or a
goddamn boyfriend who’s looking for her so he can break her heart.
My jaw strains as I reach for the door handle, ready to whip it open and
storm inside to kick that loser prick’s ass.
But I pause. And my hand falls by my side.
“Fuck it…” I mutter to myself, turning away.
Of course I’m pissed that my girlfriend of almost two years is making out
with another dude. But I guess in a way she’s doing me a favor.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I type a quick text to Bec.
Me: We’re over.
And that’s it. It’s done.
If she doesn’t have the respect to talk to me first before just hooking up
with another guy, then I sure as fuck don’t respect her enough to end it face
to face.
Still, I’m sort of fuming as I head outside to my car.
Really, Bec? Ash Holloway??
He’s so not her type at all. He plays guitar, wears ripped jeans and paints
his nails black. Dumbass emo nerd. He reminds me of…
My fingers curl into a fist at my side. Goddamnit.
I drive the ten minutes home in silence, stewing in my awful mood. I
know I’m being childish… I was going to break up with her, anyway. But
still, if she could hook up with that clown in school, where anyone could see
them, then I’m guessing this wasn’t the first time they’ve done that, which
means that bitch was cheating on me.
While I’ve been passing up advances from other girls this whole time
—from some of her best friends even—she’s just out here… kissing Brandon
Bruce fucking Lee.
Bullshit.
Pulling into our driveway, I slam on the brakes and growl out loud.
There’s a Jeep in my spot. Motherfucking stoner fuckhead…
I dive out of the car and storm into the house, fuming. The moment I’m
through the door, I’m shouting, “Avi! You’re in my fucking spot again!”
 I don’t see anyone, but I hear laughter coming from the back deck. So
that’s the direction I’m stomping next while my frustrations bubble over. At
the sliding door, I pay no attention to what’s happening out there. I just bark,
“Avi. My fucking spot, you assface! You parked in it again. I thought I told
you—”
“Ky.” My dad cuts off my tirade with a scolding tone. “Watch your
mouth. And stop yelling at your brother. It’s his birthday.”
My teeth crumble to bits as I mumble, “He’s not my brother…”
Avi grins at me from where they’re all sitting around the outside table.
“Thanks for the birthday wishes, bro. You’re the best.”
Looking around, I take in the decorations, smell the food grilling… The
giant birthday cake on the marble island in the kitchen.
Naturally, I forgot that today is my stepbrother’s eighteenth birthday.
Because I don’t fucking care. But now that I’m being presented with the
information again, I slightly recall my father telling me we were having a
family barbecue to celebrate.
Awesome. Could this day get any worse??
“Kyran, come sit.” Hannah pats the seat next to her. “There’s salad and
some snacks. The rest of the food will be ready soon.”
She smiles kindly at me, and I exhale, allowing myself to relax just a tad.
My stepmother is actually really nice, which makes holding on to all this
hostility toward the new family dynamic just the tiniest bit difficult. I know it
would make things easier if I just got over it and tried making a little more
effort to get along with them… After all, it’s been a while.
My dad married Hannah last September. It was a small ceremony in
Narraganset. No church—duh. Just us and a couple of my father’s friends. I
guess the few members of the Vega family that Hannah and Avi still
communicate with couldn’t make it. But then again, my sister didn’t show up
either.
I’m glad it was small and casual. I really didn’t have it in me to do the
whole wedding thing. It was bad enough standing up there with Avi… Him
next to his mom, and me next to my dad. He would wink at me, and I would
scowl in return. It’s been like this since they moved in, and the wedding
changed nothing.
Avi and I don’t get along. We’re too different, and he annoys the ever-
loving shit out of me. All he does is smoke weed and draw crazy pictures. He
eats everything in the house, parks in my spot, and when he isn’t popping off
sarcastic comments my way, he’s rambling about all of these half-cocked
conspiracy theories he apparently believes to be fact.
The dude is weird as fuck, but more than all of that, just looking at his
stupid face reminds me of how much more pleasant my father is when he and
his mother are around. The amount of furious resentment I harbor feels
unhealthy, but I can’t help it. My dad hasn’t laughed or joked with me since I
was ten years old. He only speaks to me about superficial shit; football,
school, and the bare necessities of a strictly business father-son relationship.
It’s been this way ever since… since the last time I tried to talk to him
about something, and it tore our entire family apart. And I know he blames
me for all of it. So I never get the Thomas Harbor that Hannah and Avi get.
He jokes around with Avi, gives him advice, offers to help him with
things. All stuff he would never even consider doing for me, and for that
reason more than all the other bullshit, I fucking hate Avi Vega.
My stepbrother… God, it still pisses me off, even eight months later.
I can’t wait to leave. I’m chomping at the bit to get out of this house and
go live on the BC campus. It’s my escape from this fake family, and most
importantly, from Avi and his knowing smiles. Something about him flashing
those little grins all the time just makes me feel murderous. Another reason
why it’s a good thing I’m moving out soon.
I don’t think I could make it to Christmas without smothering him to
death.
Reluctantly, and not hiding it, I take a seat next to Hannah at the table
while she fixes me a plate of salad. My dad smiles, but of course not at me.
At his wife.
He lifts a bottle of beer to his lips and takes a sip.
Avi nudges his arm. “You think I could get one of those?” He aims a
pleading smirk at my father. “You know… since I’m an adult now and
everything.”
“Avi.” Hannah rolls her eyes, grinning.
My dad squints at Avi, but then he sighs and shrugs. “Sure, why not. Just
one.”
“Thanks, Tom.” Avi scoots out his chair, winking at me.
Why the fuck he always does that is beyond me, but it’s enraging. That’s
probably why does it.
Avi goes over to the mini fridge, pulling out a bottle.
“Can I have one?” I ask, needing the alcohol to help subdue my irritation.
 “You’re still seventeen,” my father says pointedly.
“Only for a few more months…” I grunt, feeling like such a child, it
stiffens me with irritation. “And last I checked, the drinking age is twenty-
one, not eighteen.”
I shoot a fake smile at Avi, and he returns it. But he takes out a second
bottle, not waiting for my father to give his approval before he’s stepping
over and handing it to me.
My dad doesn’t look pleased, but Hannah jumps in. “I’m sure they’ll be
drinking beer in college, Tom. Better they learn to do it responsibly.”
I pause before opening the bottle, watching my father carefully. He
concedes with a curt smile at his wife, and I’m fucking frothing with rage just
beneath my surface.
If they only knew how he really is… He would never allow vices before
they showed up. Once when he found Marcus’s cigarette butt outside on the
walkway, he screamed at me for so long he nearly lost his voice.
But Avi is allowed to fishbowl his bedroom like he’s backstage at a Kid
Cudi concert. It’s fucking ridiculous.
Twisting open the bottle aggressively, I take a long sip, ignoring the rest
of them. Their conversing continues while we eat dinner. The burgers, hot
dogs, and grilled chicken are accompanied by chitchatting about my dad’s
business and how excited they are over his recent signing of some fancy new
developer. The money is just rolling in right now, and I know this is all a
preface to him insisting that I choose Business as my major at BC.
Football is all well and good for now, but I’m fully aware he expects me
to follow in his footsteps and take over the family business, which I have no
intention of doing.
So help me, I’ll make it to the NFL just so I don’t have to.
“So, Ky.” Hannah says my name, and when I glance at her, I can tell from
her expression that she knows I don’t want to talk about the business stuff. I
have to appreciate her trying to keep the peace between Dad and me. That is,
until she asks, “How are things going with Becca?”
Avoiding answering, I take a large pull from my bottle of beer. Oh, would
you look at that? It’s already empty…
Picking at the label, I murmur, “We broke up.”
“Oh… I’m sorry to hear that,” she responds, sincerely.
“Kyran, that’s a shame,” my dad says, sounding much less concerned for
me than he sounds disappointed in me. “She was a good girl. And you know,
there’s nothing wrong with starting college in a relationship. It might even
give you some perspective—”
“She cheated on me,” I cut him off, glaring across the table. His face falls
as he gawks uncomfortably. My head tilts. “You still think I should have
stuck it out?”
He says nothing, just gets up to grab himself another beer. None for me…
Thanks, Pops.
“That’s awful, Ky.” Hannah covers my hand with hers on the table. It
startles me, and I glimpse at her, shocked by the contact. “You deserve
better.”
A scoff comes from the other side of the table, and my face snaps in Avi’s
direction. He’s sipping from his bottle, smirk intact.
“What’s your problem?” I squint at him.
He finishes his slow swallow, eyes set on mine. “Nothing. I’m sure you
didn’t deserve to be cheated on.”
“Avi!” Hannah scolds.
“I’m just saying…” he goes on with an indifferent shrug. “Karma’s a
bitch. Treat other people like shit and it eventually comes back to you.”
“You sound like a moron,” I grumble.
“Boys,” my dad huffs, shaking his head. “Can’t we have one family
dinner where you two aren’t at each other’s throats the whole time?? It’s
getting really old.”
Now it’s my turn to scoff. I hate to admit it, but he has a point. Avi and I
spend a majority of our every encounter bickering, which is why I make it a
point to ignore him as much as humanly possible when you share a house, a
school, and a bathroom with someone. Something about just being in his
general vicinity turns up my internal frustrations a few hundred notches, and I
don’t need the stress.
I just want to get away from him for good. August cannot come soon
enough.
“Good point. Let’s change the subject.” Avi leans back in his chair. “I
was going to wait until after cake to share the good news, but I can’t hold it
in anymore.”
He’s beaming, straight white teeth nearly blinding me. In fact, it’s making
me wish I was blind, so I didn’t have to see that goddamn smile for one more
second. It might be part of the reason I enjoy fucking with him at school…
Turning that thing upside down gives me immense pleasure.
 My dad and Hannah are eagerly awaiting Avi’s news, while I’m just
sitting here, vigorously peeling chunks of label off my empty beer bottle.
“I’ve decided I won’t be going to Tufts,” Avi announces, and that gets
me. My eyes spring up, and of course he’s staring right at me. “Because I got
accepted to BC.”
What… the… fuck?!
I feel all the color drain from my face. My heart has completely stopped
pumping and is just sitting in my chest like a dead hunk of meat.
No… No, no, no. No fucking way.
I don’t even notice how hard my fingers are digging into the table until
they start to ache.
“Aviel! Oh my God, that’s amazing!” Hannah cheers, jumping up to hug
her son.
“Congratulations, Avi!” My dad squeezes his shoulder. “Both of my boys
going to Boston College!”
I’m gonna throw up.
“Go Eagles.” Avi grins at me while our parents freak out all around him.
His dark eyebrow cocks. “Right, bro?”
Forcing myself into motion, I shove my chair back with a loud scrape. I
feel physically sick and lightheaded as I stand up.
“Well… that’s just fucking perfect,” I croak, turning away from them and
staggering inside the house, slamming the door behind me.
It’s a sliding door, so you really can’t slam it, which only serves to piss
me off more. And I end up reopening and closing it four times just to slam it
as hard as I can.
Completely unsatisfying. And now I look like even more of child having a
temper tantrum.
“Fuck!” I growl out loud, ripping my hair at the roots.
This is such bullshit! I thought I was escaping him going to BC! Now he’s
following me there, like some kind of unavoidable nuisance.
I’m shaking, I’m so angry. Stalking over to the birthday cake on the
counter, I hock a massive, raging loogie and spit it right on top of the pretty
chocolate frosting.
“Take that, asshole,” I teem.
Rushing through the house and up the stairs, I go to my bedroom and
slam the door. Much better. I let out an even louder roar of frustration,
grabbing the nearest item—a football trophy from middle school—and
whipping it against the wall.
“Fuck you!” I seethe, pacing in circles. “Fuck you and your birthday.
Fuck you and your BC acceptance letter… Fuck you and your smile! Fuck
you fuck you fuck you!”
I’m fuming and can barely see through the red. I fucking hate him! I
fucking despise him for stealing literally everything I have. Everything that
was mine is now his, and it’s almost devastating.
Crawling onto my bed, I cover my head with my pillow and try my
hardest to calm down. Sucking in breath after breath, I struggle to bite back
the emotions.
Swallow them. Swallow swallow swallow.
Like fighting to eat something disgusting. Chew and fucking swallow it;
push it all down; pack it into your gut.
“This isn’t a joke. You can’t just make things up like this, Kyran. I’m sure
you’re overreacting.”
“Fuck you,” I breathe, choking on the emotions trying to scrape back up
my throat like bile.
“I’m not making it up…”
“Yes, you are. Stop lying.”
“I’m not lying!”
“Fuck… you…” I whimper, with tears pushing behind my eyes.
Squeezing them shut tight, I scream into my bed, as loud as I can.
I’m twelve years old again… Screaming into the mattress. Screaming
until my lungs hurt.
“You’ve destroyed everything…”
“Fuck!!” I scream. And cry.
And scream, and cry.
Until, exhausted and hoarse, I fall asleep, with my father’s disappointed
tone lulling me in quiet torment.

I wake up to the sound of banging.

Lifting my head is difficult. It feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. My
temples are throbbing, my face tight and my throat sore. Clearly, I fell asleep
in a rage, which hasn’t happened in a while. Even on Thanksgiving, when my
dad proposed to Hannah, it wasn’t this bad.
Slithering out of bed, I rub my eyes. It’s dark outside, which means I
must have passed out for at least a few hours. Reaching for my nightstand, I
grab a bottle of Excedrin Migraine and pop two. Unfortunately, the pounding
in my head is being matched by the sound pounding nearby. It only takes me
a few seconds to realize it’s coming from the bathroom door. Or rather, Avi’s
bathroom door.
“Kyran! I need to get into the goddamn bathroom!” Avi shouts from
inside his bedroom. “Unlock the fucking door, you wank!”
I grin to myself. I must have locked his door this morning before I left for
school.
Oops.
Reclining in bed, I close my eyes, waiting for the medicine to kick in and
fix this headache. The sounds of him cursing at me through two doors widens
my evil smirk. But then it stops, and is replaced by footsteps, followed by a
new banging, on my bedroom door.
“Kyran, stop being a whiny bitch and let me into the fucking bathroom!”
he hollers at me from out in the hall.
“Use the downstairs one,” I grunt, just barely loud enough for him to hear
me.
“No! All my stuff is in this one.” His voice is extra petulant, and it has me
rolling my eyes.
“Not my problem, princess,” I huff, still smiling.
I don’t even care if he’s right about karma attacking me, because messing
with him is all too satisfying. Especially now.
I’ll take it, if it means getting him back for what he’s taking of mine…
My escape plan. It’s so much more important than his special Dove For Men
soap he loves to use.
“You’re really being an epic prick, you know that?” he rants through the
door. “So I’m going to BC… Big fucking deal. It’s not the end of the world.”
That’s it. My spine stiffens, and I stand up fast, stalking over to the door.
Unlocking it, I whip it open, meeting a startled look on his face, as if he
didn’t expect me to actually open it.
“Actually, it is,” I growl. “It is the end of the world. BC was supposed to
get me away from you. And now you’re following me there like some clingy
ex-girlfriend.”
He makes a face like he’s amused at my audacity, and it brings the fury
back, bounding through my limbs once more.
“You don’t own Boston College.” He folds his arms over his chest. “I can
go to school wherever I want. This is America… Land of the free to go into
crippling student loan debt anywhere you choose.”
“Exactly,” I hiss. “So go somewhere else. You don’t even care about
school.”
“What’s wrong, brother?” He smirks, leaning against the doorframe.
“You don’t wanna hang out with me for four more years?”
“I’d rather get kicked in the nuts for four years,” I mutter.
“Oh, well… that can be arranged.” He winks, and I’m about to explode.
Stepping up to his face, I smolder, “If you come to Boston College, I
swear to God, I will make your life a living hell…”
But he doesn’t back down. In fact, he squares up to me and grins. “Game
on, superstar. In case you haven’t noticed, you don’t intimidate me.”
“You’re gonna regret this,” I growl, inches from his face.
His brow arches. “You mean like your ex regrets not cheating on you
sooner?”
Nope. I just can’t stuff it down anymore.
The wrath inside me bubbles over as I roar out loud and lunge at him.
Tackling him to the floor, I grab him by the throat. “I’ll wipe that fucking
smirk off your face, you self-righteous prick!”
“Not before I wipe my ass with your face cloth, you epic toolbag!” he
bellows while we wrestle each other on the floor of the hallway.
There are limbs everywhere. I’m choking him while he punches me in the
sides, over and over. We’re rolling around, screaming and kicking. I’m
pulling his hair, he’s biting me. It’s just a mess. The stupidest fight ever, and
not that I want to think about it, but we really seem like brothers now more
than ever. Which, of course, pisses me off even more.
“How was your birthday cake, loser?!” I knee him in the gut, and he
grunts.
He pauses for a minute, gaping up at me while we both heave for breath.
“It was good… Why?” I grin wickedly, and he gasps. “Oh my God, did you
jizz in it?!”
My face scrunches into one of bewildered disgust. “Ew, what the fuck is
wrong with you??”
 “You did something to it, didn’t you?!” He twists my arm behind my
back, and I whine.
“I spit on it!” I laugh breathlessly. “Hope you enjoyed eating my saliva,
asshole!”
“Bitch!” he snarls, and we’re back to tumbling on the floor, fighting like
eight-year-olds.
The sound of heavy footsteps breaks into the rushing blood in my ears,
and I look up from where I have Avi in a headlock to meet the irate gazes of
my father and stepmother.
“What the hell is going on here?!” my dad barks while he and Hannah
rush up the steps.
He immediately pulls me off of Avi, while Hannah does the same to her
son.
“Avi, let go of him!” she shrieks, and Avi finally releases a fistful of my
hair. “Break it up, you two!”
“This is fucking ludicrous!” my father roars as they get us both upright
again. Avi and I are disheveled and breathing heavily, still glaring at one
another. “I won’t let this go on for one more second. All this fighting has to
stop!”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I purse my lips, refusing to back down
first. This is all his fault anyway… My stepbrother, who popped into my life
for the sole purpose of ruining it.
“Whether you like it or not, you two are family now,” my father says
firmly. “And you will act like it.”
“I want both of you to apologize and shake hands,” Hannah demands.
“Right now.”
“He started it…” Avi mumbles, and Hannah slaps him on the chest.
“Aviel Vega, you’re an adult,” she hisses. “Act like it. Shake hands right
now and apologize, or so help me, neither of you will see the outside of your
bedrooms until you leave for college. Do you understand?”
Our stubborn glares remain locked for a couple more heavy seconds,
before Avi rolls his eyes and mutters, “Sorry…”
“Me, too.” I force the words out. But my dad isn’t satisfied, and he shoves
me forward. My jaw is tight as I grunt, “I’m… sorry,” and extend my hand.
Avi shakes it, limp and unenthused. Then we immediately turn and stomp
into our respective bedrooms. And I hear my dad and Hannah mumbling
about how obnoxious we are as they go back downstairs.
 Ten seconds later, there’s one last bang from inside Avi’s room.
“The door, Kyran,” he growls.
Rolling my eyes, I stalk inside the bathroom and unlock his door. He
flings it open, face still flushed with aggravation.
“I’m serious,” I mutter one last threat. “Stay the fuck away from me at
BC, or next time, I’ll break your fucking nose.”
Spinning, I leave the bathroom, ignoring his words on my way out.
“You got it, superstar.”
 CaptainJackSwallow: Ride my gag reflex like a pony

One Year Later…

(Freshman Year, Boston College)

“Oh, shit. Hide me.”

I crouch down on the bench I’m sitting on, using Frankie’s body as a
shield.
“You’re an idiot, Vega,” she huffs, while Zeb and Micah laugh.
“Correction… He’s playing it smart,” Zeb sighs. “Olivia is as clingy as
they come. Just ask this asshole.” He juts his thumb in Micah’s direction.
“She followed him here from New Hampshire.”
“Okay, that’s not true.” Micah shakes his head. “We just both happened
to come to BC. It’s a big school…”
“Don’t act like you didn’t come here just to escape her.” Zeb laughs.
“I can’t believe you hooked up with her.” Micah scolds me with his eyes
as I finally straighten back up, now that Olivia Wheeler is out of sight.
“I was drunk,” I grumble, reaching for my last Twizzler and ripping off a
bite between my teeth. “It was the freshman orientation party. All we did was
make out, and she’s been following me around ever since.”
“That’s what you get for hooking up at the freshman orientation party,”
Frankie says pointedly. “It’s like a rule. Never hook up with someone your
first week of college.”
“Well, clearly, I fucked up,” I mutter while petulantly chewing my candy,
and they continue to laugh at my expense. Some friends… “Don’t be jealous
that I’m out here slingin’ dick,” I tease, and they fake clap.
“Sling that dick my way, Vega.” Zeb winks at me. “I’ll teach you a thing
or two.”
I roll my eyes while Micah doubles over.
“Okay, if you two are done flirting,” Frankie sighs, standing up. “We’re
gonna be late for band practice.” She grabs Zeb by the arm.
“I’ll walk with you.” I pick up the trash from our lunch. “I’m going that
way.”
The three of us look to Micah. “I’d love to join, but I heard Kreston is
posting midterm grades today. I need to find out if my parents are going to
allow me to come home for the summer, or if I’ll be living in my car until the
fall semester starts.”
We all laugh sympathetically, and I pat him on the back. “Good luck!”
Micah walks off in the direction of the science building, while the rest of
us head toward Lyons Hall.
Freshman year at Boston College was awesome. The best part was that
Frankie got in too, so I came here knowing I’d have at least one friend to
keep me from drowning in insecurity. Especially since this place is so far
outside of any college I ever thought I’d attend. I mean, it’s a Jesuit school,
for Christ’s sake.
I don’t want to sound accusatory, but do they even allow Jews to go here?
Well, apparently, they do, because here I am. I guess it helps that my last
name is Vega, not Roth—my mother’s maiden name.
To be fair, I really don’t think it matters much. Especially for me, since
religion is literally the last thing I give a flying fuck about. All I knew going
into this was that the art program was pretty sweet, and there were
opportunities to major in things I could potentially make a career out of,
although I don’t know that I necessarily care much about those things either.
Here’s how it went down. I applied to BC as a joke, because my
stepbrother, the most annoying, preppy jock on the face of the earth, wouldn’t
stop raving about it, and I kind of wanted to see if I could get in, just to throw
it in his annoying, preppy jock face. When I did, I really had no intention of
actually going here. But then Frankie told me she was going here, and I was
like… Okay. Let’s see what this Jesus-loving college on a hill is all about.
So far, it’s been fun. I’m still not great at school, so my grades are
average at best. But I’ve been making friends, having a blast with my art
classes, and you know… slingin’ dick.
 That’s a joke, of course. But based on real events, because I’ve sort of
come out of my shell in college—get it? Come.
Not that I’m some slut who hooks up with everyone, but I guess it’s safe
to say I’m a bit of a late bloomer with dating and sex and whatnot. The stuff
most people I know were doing in high school, I just started doing this year. I
go to parties with my friends, and sometimes I make out with girls. Often,
we’ll explore the bases after first, and on occasion, we’ll take it all the way
home. It’s very casual, which is fine. Safe, consensual… the whole nine.
I’m just figuring myself out. And as I’ve heard my whole life, from
adults, movies, TV shows, etc., college is the place to do that. So that’s what
I’m doing.
I’m nineteen years old. The way I see it, I have the rest of my life to be
serious and figure out what I want to do as a career. For right now, I want to
have fun and learn about me.
You have no clue who you really are.
The voice stops me in my tracks, stiffening muscles all over my body.
I can’t fucking believe he’s still in my head. It’s been like two years since
he said that to me… And I loathe the fact that the words are still ringing as
loudly as they were when he said them.
Speaking of Kyran, I barely ever see him. Yes, we go to the same school,
but we’re in completely different programs and we live on opposite sides of
campus—Thank God.
I do see him on occasion, but we don’t speak, or even look at each other,
for that matter. In fact, we’ve only interacted once since my eighteenth
birthday—when we got in that ridiculous fight over me coming here. It
makes me laugh now, because we’ve been at the same school for nearly two
full semesters and we never have to deal with one another. So clearly, he
overreacted a wee bit in assuming me coming to BC would mean we’d be on
top of each other twenty-four-seven.
Such a drama queen.
I’ll admit, it kind of sucks. Knowing my first ever opportunity to have a
sibling was wasted on someone like Kyran Harbor. I mean, imagine if he was
cool? We could be hanging out, having shared experiences, instead of
praying we don’t happen to wind up at any of the same parties.
It’s only happened once so far. It was the night before Thanksgiving and
the rumor was that a rager was being thrown in one of the dorms off Comm
Ave, which is where Kyran lives. I knew it was a likely possibility he’d be
there, especially if the party was in his dorm, or one of the neighboring ones.
In all honesty, I did consider skipping it just out of sheer self-preservation
and not wanting to deal with him talking shit about me all night or starting
some kind of fight.
But then Frankie and our friend, Bea, convinced me to suck it up and go.
So I did. And as predicted, it didn’t go over well.
We noticed each other at the same time, but pretended the other didn’t
exist for a couple of solid hours, during which time I smoked and drank
enough that I actually did forget about his existence for a while. But when
Bea started making out with his friend, Theo, it drew our two groups a little
too close together for comfort.
In an effort to avoid an argument and get away from Kyran’s incessant
scowling, I went to the other side of the party. I was talking to Micah, who
I’d just met that night—we bonded immediately over a shared love of the
same true crime podcast—when someone tapped on my shoulder.
And, wouldn’t you know… it was stepbrother dearest. There to fill my
evening with rays of sunshine.
I guess I’d rolled my eyes before he even said anything, because his first
words to me were, “What the hell is your problem?”
“You,” I sighed, not giving a single fuck, mainly because I was drunk and
high, but also because I was really sick of his fucking attitude. “You’re my
problem. In fact, you’ve been my only problem since I moved to this city.”
Kyran’s eyes narrowed, and he began to crowd me a little. “Well, maybe
if you would just stay away from me, we wouldn’t be having so many
issues.”
Closing my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath, channeling every ounce of
chill and Zen and whatever other namaste shit I had left. When I reopened
them, he was still standing there glaring at me, which proves once and for all
that prayers don’t do shit.
“You came over to me, Kyran,” I grumbled. “I was perfectly content
forgetting who you are, just like I’ve been doing for months now.”
Micah started tugging on my sleeve. “Um… Avi? How do you know the
Eagles quarterback? And why are you arguing with him…?”
We both ignored Micah as Kyran’s jaw started doing that visible tick
thing I’ve seen way more times than I’d like to. “I came over here to tell you
to fuck off.”
An incredulous laugh bubbled from my throat. “That’s the dumbest thing
I’ve ever heard! You came over here to start shit because you’re bored.
What’s wrong, superstar?? Got no one to pick on now that we aren’t living
together anymore?”
His lips parted like he was going to argue, but in my drunken surge of
foolish confidence, I squared up to him and kept running my mouth.
“News flash, Ky… I don’t want to be near you any more than you want
me near you. So if you could hop down from your egotistical high horse and
take that giant studded stick out of your ass for long enough to enjoy a party,
I’m sure you’d be doing everyone who knows you a huge favor.”
I knew right away that I’d fucked up when I saw how red his face was
getting. I could actually feel the flames of searing hatred he was shooting at
me through his eyes, like those laser beams Atreyu has to avoid in The Never
Ending Story.
The Southern Oracle. Deep cut.
I’d never seen him so irate. I’m talking big, bulging vein in his forehead,
muscles in his neck straining like a prize-winning stead… the works.
But it wasn’t until Micah whispered, “Holy fuck, you about to die,” and
stepped away from me—out of possible beat-down range—that I noticed
everyone else in the party was staring at us, too. Which was a very bad thing
for me… Because it meant an artsy emo nerd had just stood up to the
quarterback of the football team, something that doesn’t happen without
retribution.
“Get the fuck outside now,” Kyran snarled. “I’m gonna beat the living
shit out of you, Avi. Seriously, it’s been a long time coming. Get. The. Fuck.
Outside.” His tone was so frighteningly calm, I couldn’t help how hard I was
shaking in my Chucks.
But I stood my ground. I forced myself to stand still and hold his wrathful
gaze.
“No,” I muttered, hoping like hell he hadn’t caught the tremor in my
voice. “If you want to kick my ass, you’re gonna have to do it right here.” My
eyes shifted left, then right before I whispered, “In front of all these
witnesses.”
Kyran stepped in even closer to me, his warm breath hitting my face. I
could practically taste it… Like mint and some kind of booze. It gave me
chills, pumping my heart and rattling my bones.
“You must be… the stupidest stoner prick on the face of the earth,” he
growled in my face. And I felt how tense he was, even though we weren’t
touching. It was like the heat of rage in his muscles was transferring onto my
body.
I thought I saw his arm move, and I couldn’t help flinching. I’ve never
been a fighter. Sure, I’ve got balls and I like to talk shit, but that’s the
beginning and end of it. I’m positive Kyran Harbor could easily waste me if
he wanted to.
But I think the flinch saved me. Because his lips quirked in a very subtle
smirk, as if he was pleased by how afraid of him I was. Then he fell back,
just a couple of inches, and slapped his heavy hand down on my shoulder.
Naturally, I flinched again, and his grin widened.
“Fine. You can have one more drink,” he rumbled. “But then you should
leave, if you know what’s good for you.” He cocked his head. “After all, I’ll
be seeing you at home tomorrow… bro.”
He turned and casually strutted away from me, rejoining his friends, the
other spawns of Satan, in the fiery pits of Hell known as this party.
I let out the longest breath ever while all the onlookers resumed their
partying, of course giggling and talking shit about me… The loser who just
got his ass chewed out by the Eagles QB.
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph…” Micah murmured, having returned to my
side. “That was downright terrifying. Why does that dude hate you so
much?”
Irate glare fixed in Kyran’s direction, I watched him laugh and fuck
around with his jock pals like nothing had happened. And I muttered, “He’s
my stepbrother.”
So there you have it. That was my last actual encounter with Kyran, save
for us continuing to avoid each other at home. We haven’t spoken a word
since, and for the most part, it hasn’t been an issue… But that’s only because
I haven’t shown up at another party he’s been at, and he can’t outright attack
me at home, being clearly afraid of his father and all. It’s a lucky thing too,
because I’ve been attending my fair share of parties, just not on his side of
campus.
Ugh. I hate thinking about it as his side. It’s so fucking stupid. I haven’t
done shit to the kid, but apparently, my mere existence is enough to piss him
off.
Outside of Lyons, the three of us stop before heading inside.
“Come on, hurry up,” Frankie snaps her fingers at Zeb.
He takes a long drag from his vape, blowing a giant cloud of cotton
candy-scented smoke in her face. “Take a chill pill, mama. We have a few
minutes.”
She gives him a look, but then concedes and pulls out her own vape.
“Alright, fine.”
I just chuckle, tugging my phone out of my pocket and standing next to
the two of them while they fill the area with puffs of vapor.
“Where are you off to?” Zeb asks me in between drags.
“I have photography class,” I tell them while scrolling Instagram. “Then
I’m gonna go smoke until I forget that I just barely passed my biology
midterm.”
Zeb laughs. “Tell me about it. Thank God freshman year is over. All of
the most heinous core classes are pretty much done.”
“Speak for yourself,” Frankie huffs. “The social work curriculum is
insane. I’m already regretting this major.”
Their voices are fading out with my eyes set on my phone screen.
A picture of Kyran just popped up on my feed. It was posted by this girl
Lexi Erikson. She’s a cheerleader, and your typical blonde bombshell, so of
course she’s Kyran’s type. The picture looks like it was taken at a party.
Kyran has his arm slung around Lexi’s shoulder and she’s nestling herself
into his chest, making a kissy face up at him.
And the caption reads:
Love spending time with the sexiest QB in Eagles history! Can’t wait for training
camp this summer! #BCEagles #Eaglesfootball #BCcheer #GoEagles #number9
I scoff and roll my eyes. It makes perfect sense that Kyran would get here
and immediately cozy up to another cheerleader, just like he did in high
school. It’s totally his MO. Not to mention, the dude is an all-star football
player already.
Superstar Stepbrother. Why am I not surprised?
“Hey, check this out!” Frankie’s voice tugs my attention away from the
picture that’s rumbling my gut, and I glance up. She’s pointing at a flyer
pinned on one of the Job Listings boards. “They’re looking for someone to be
the football team’s mascot!”
She rips the sheet off, and Zeb peers over her shoulder to read. “Oh my
God!” He cackles. “Baldwin the Eagle. That’s hilarious.” His face snaps in
my direction. “You should totally do it!”
I stare at him for a solid three seconds in baffled silence before a burst of
laughter flies from my lips. “Yea… Good one.”
 “No, seriously!” Zeb slaps his hands together. “It would be so cute! Avi
the Eagle.”
I shake my head. “You’re certifiable.”
“He has a point!” Frankie says animatedly. And now I’m growing even
more horrified. “Then you could come to games with us!”
“Okay, I’m starting to think you’re not joking… and it’s worrying me.” I
give them my most bewildered look.
“I’m not joking.” Zeb grins deviously.
“Neither am I,” Frankie adds, stepping over and shoving the paper in my
face. “I’m sure it would be so much fun. And you’d practically be part of the
team.”
“I don’t want to be part of the team,” I grumble, eyeing her like she’s lost
her marbles.
She cocks her head. “Why… Because of Kyran?”
“No,” I scoff, then chew on my lower lip for a moment. “Not only
because of him. I just don’t want to waste my Friday nights prancing around
dressed like an eagle. I didn’t think I’d need to explain that to you, but
apparently, you guys don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”
They both laugh. “Come on, Avi!” Zeb sighs. “You should consider
doing something other than fucking off in class and smoking weed.”
“Hey, that’s not fair!” I frown. “I also like to get drunk.” He shakes his
head. “And I draw. That’s what I do in my free time, and I like it that way.”
Frankie and Zeb share a look, to which I roll my eyes. “And I just don’t think
I should willfully invite another reason for Kyran to start shit with me. He
hates me enough as it is…”
Frankie rubs my arm. “Don’t let your evil stepbrother stand in the way of
your happiness, Av.”
Another laugh trickles. “You think wearing an eagle costume at football
games is happiness??”
“I’m just saying…” She giggles. “It would be something new and fun for
you to do.”
Looking over the flyer, I grin at the picture of Baldwin the Eagle. It’s
fully ridiculous. But I can’t deny that its goofiness is sort of endearing.
“And… just think of how much more you could mess with Kyran…”
Frankie sings in my ear.
“Yea!” Zeb cheers, still wearing his wicked smirk. “Superstar quarterback
boy needs to be taken down a peg.”
 My eyes flit up to his, and my lips curl.
He has a point.

It’s our last night in the dorms before summer break.

Freshman year at BC is officially in the books, and I’m excited to report
that I survived. Dare I say, I even enjoyed myself.
We’re all hanging out in Frankie’s dorm room, smoking some kush,
sipping some Rosé, and helping her pack up the last of her stuff. When I first
got here, I thought I’d be anxious as hell to get home for summer break, to
see Mom and get away from all the schooling and whatnot. But now that the
time has come, I’m actually kind of bummed. I’m gonna miss living here,
with all my awesome new friends. Being able to see them whenever I want,
shooting the shit in between classes, having lunch together every day.
I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t wait for fall so I can get back here.
“Ohhh, snap!” Zeb shouts, jumping up onto the table. “Roomie alert!”
He’s holding his phone up and pointing to Micah.
Mic’s face lights up. “No way! Really? We got it??”
“Yea, baby!” Zeb is shimmying around while Micah stands up and starts
doing the robot. “We’re in Welch. Third floor.”
“Ooh, that’s a good floor,” Bea chimes in while stuffing a bunch of books
into a box. “I made out with two redheads on that floor. A girl and a guy.”
“At the same time?” I ask through a grin, and she winks at me.
Bea is a super chill girl. She’s Frankie’s roommate, and totally gorgeous.
Fair skin, dark hair that’s long and curly and always smells incredible. We
made out once when we first met. We were drunk, and it was fun, but we
both agreed not to do it again because we didn’t want to make things weird.
At this point, I’m trying to keep my dick away from people inside my friend
group.
“Avi! Will you help me, please?” Frankie shouts from inside her
bedroom.
Getting up, I’m laughing at Zeb and Micah, who are still dancing in
celebration of the news that they get to room together next semester, while I
walk around the corner into Frankie’s room.
 “Aw, man! You already packed up the Mothman picture I drew for you,”
I whine and pout at the empty space on her wall.
Frankie laughs. “Duh. It’s one of my most prized possessions. Here, grab
this and wrap it in some bubble wrap for me, please.” She hands me a ring
light.
“Why do you have so much filming equipment?” I ask, trying to be as
careful as possible wrapping her expensive stuff.
Frankie gives me a look, full lips painted with bright purple lipstick
sloping into a smirk. “I can’t tell you my secrets, Vega. You might think
differently of me.”
I cackle out loud. “Right. Clearly you don’t know who you’re talking
to…”
She stops what she’s doing and picks up her phone. Messing around on
the screen, she taps and taps as she struts over to me. Then she hands it to me.
My brows knit together as I take it, eyes sliding over the screen. It’s an
OnlyFans account. And the profile picture shows a girl that’s obviously her
wearing a mask, with the username, FrankieSaysRelax.
“Oh my God, is this you?!” My mouth hangs open while I scroll through
the account.
It’s not a subscriber’s account… She’s a creator.
My eyes bug out of my skull. “Holy smokes, you’re naked!”
She belts a laugh, snatching the phone from me. “Alright, Pervy
McCreeperson. Calm down.”
I clear my throat. “Yea, I think I need to check out more of that stellar
content.” I reach for her phone again, but she pulls it away, chuckling.
“You gotta pay to play,” she hums and wiggles her eyebrows. “Just for
shorty bang bang to look your way.”
“Backstreet.” I grin. “Nice.
“Thanks.”
“Okay… what?!” I gasp, then lower my voice, quickly peeking at the
doorway to make sure no one’s listening. “You have an OnlyFans??”
Frankie nods. “Hell yea. The money is on point.”
My eyebrow jumps. “Really?”
“Ohhh yeaaa,” she sighs. “I just started it this year, and I already almost
have enough to get my own place off campus!”
“What?!” I shout again, and her eyes widen.
“Shhh! Be cool, baby. Damn.” She looks to the doorway. “No one knows.
Except Bea.”
My mind is reeling. I can’t believe what she’s telling me. My friend,
darling little Frances Dumonte, has been showing her naked body online for
money?!
I’m actually not all that surprised. If anyone I know was going to do it,
it’d be her. She’s sort of a wild child.
“Wow…” My eyes slide up and down her. I can’t help looking at her
differently now, saucy little minx that she is. “That’s awesome. So… do you
only do solo videos, or do you ever invite… guests?”
Her smile goes wide. “Are you asking to make a cameo, Vega?”
I can’t help how much heat is rushing to my face. My eyes fall to my feet.
“Me?? No way. I don’t think I could pull that off…”
“You’d be surprised,” she croons, then taps me on the butt. “Okay,
playtime is over. Back to work.”
Shaking off all this new information, I go back to helping her pack up the
rest of her stuff. But the whole time, my mind is stuck on Frankie’s side
hustle, wondering what she does, and how much she makes.
It’s pretty interesting. Subscription services for content creators is a
rapidly growing business, and porn… Well, porn will always be a massive
enterprise. I’ve personally never subscribed to any OnlyFans accounts, but
I’ve certainly seen people promoting them… on the dark side of Twitter. And
in clips on PornHub.
My thoughts are swirling as we finish up the packing, then order pizza.
And just as Zeb is lighting up our farewell joint, my phone chimes in my
pocket.
Pulling it out, I tap the screen to find an email from BC Housing.
“Oh shit… It’s here,” I whisper, opening the email while saying a silent
prayer that I’ll be near my friends.
“Fingers crossed for Welch!” Micah chirps.
“Or Roncalli!” Bea adds.
“Yea, and hopefully you get to room with someone a little more fun than
Finn.” Zeb smirks.
“Hey, at least my roommate is quiet, and clean. Unlike yours.” I peek at
him, and he rolls his eyes.
Zeb couldn’t get away from his current roommate, Evan, fast enough.
He’s a preppy jock, just like Kyran. Only he’s also a slob and a half who
blasts country music every morning at six a.m.
 “If I hear ‘Save a Horse, Ride A Cowboy’ one more time, I’ll stand behind
said horse and let it kick me in the face,” Zeb mutters, and we all laugh. “But
still… only slightly worse than your roomie, who I honest to God think might
be a serial killer.”
“Oh, fuck…” I whisper, tuning him out while my eyes frantically scan the
email.
“What?!” Bea whines. “Don’t leave us hanging!”
“Are they sending you down to Tudor?” Micah scoots in closer on the
floor.
“Worse…” I mutter, my stomach flopping like a fish out of water. “I’m in
Walsh.”
Everyone gasps.
“Walsh, as in… across campus?” Frankie looks upset.
My head drops, and I rub my temples.
Walsh, as in… Kyran’s side of campus.
Worse than that. The Walsh Residence Hall is where Kyran lived this
year.
Oh my God, if we end up in the same dorms, he’ll literally make my life a
living hell.
“Maybe he’ll be moved too,” Bea says nervously, already aware of my
plight and clearly trying to be positive.
But we all know, Kyran moving out of Walsh is unlikely. Most of the
football players live there. And if I know Kyran like I think I do, he’ll want to
stay with his pack.
“Fuck me, this is awful…” I grumble.
“Ask for a transfer,” Zeb says. “Who knows? They might let you…”
“Fat chance,” I grunt, tossing my phone onto the floor. “They don’t cater
to sophomores. Especially ones who aren’t on the football team, have shitty
grades, and whose parents’ names aren’t on buildings and shit.”
“It won’t be so bad.” Micah nudges me. “Bright side, the Walsh dorms
are supposed to be the nicest.”
“Yea, because they’re full of football all-stars and rich kids,” I sigh. “I
don’t fucking belong there.”
“Well, then…” Frankie grins sympathetically, picking up a crumpled
piece of paper and tossing it at me. “Looks like no better time than the
present to become part of the team.”
Narrowing my gaze at her, I snatch the piece of paper, unrumpling it. And
I let out a derisive scoff.
Baldwin the fucking Eagle…?
Kill me now.
 CarpetburnCarl: The only time I’d kick you out of the bed would be so I could do you on
the floor.

4 Months later…
(Sophomore Year, Boston College)

A lot of great athletes have their own superstitions or rituals leading up to

big games.
I know guys who refuse to eat anything for twenty-four hours before
game day. No matter how much Coach gets on them about fueling up, they
just won’t eat. They say the hunger sharpens their focus, as if their bodies’
need for sustenance directly correlates with their hunger to win.
I know guys who abstain from sex the day before a big game… I mean,
they won’t even jerk off. And I also know guys who insist on blowing their
load, like minutes before we hit the field.
I don’t practice any of that stuff, but I definitely get it. Keeping yourself
sharp is mental and physical. But the emotional aspect… that’s where my
superstitions lie.
Times of high stress have a tendency to trigger me. It’s something no one
in the world but me knows about, which is a very good thing. I feel like
keeping it hidden is the main reason I’m able to focus so well. The control I
have over my emotions teeters… It’s unavoidable. But pretending everything
is fine is where I excel, especially when it comes time to lace up and run out
onto field in front of hundreds, even thousands of cheering fans.
I’m used to having all eyes on me. The Somerville High football team did
really well, and our senior year, we brought home a championship. That’s
what got me my scholarship to BC, and cemented me as the freshman
quarterback. They put me in on game three of the season last year, and we
ended up crushing one of our biggest rivals, forty-one to seventeen. After
that, the eyes on me began to multiply, and now I’ve heard the BC stadium
tonight will be packed.
A full house, first game of the season.
Boston College football is a huge deal. The Eagles have been an NCAA
division name for as long as I can remember, and they’ve made it to the ACC
finals the last four years in a row. But no National Championship in those
runs… Not yet.
This need inside me to overcome my emotional hang-ups is what drives
me. It’s a ravenous hunger to rip apart my issues with bared teeth and show
them that they don’t control my life. I control my life. Which is why when
everyone else is listening to Coach Matthews give his first pep talk of the
season to rile us up and motivate us to kick some Cardinal ass tonight, I’m
zoned in on my hands.
Call it my own superstition… Call it a nervous tick or a habit, call it
whatever you want. But I have this thing where I’ll stare at the lines on my
palms and imagine them as roads I know. Sometimes I’ll even envision little
cars driving up and down them, cruising the highways and streets I’ve been
driving and walking on my whole life.
I’m not sure that I really remember where this coping mechanism came
from, or what started it. And if I do, I’m sure I don’t want to think about that
right now. Right now, all I’m concerned with is the backed-up traffic on the
Mass Pike of my hand.
It’s being caused by literally nothing. People can’t drive for shit on the
Pike.
“Harbor,” Coach shouts my name, and my eyes fling up to his. “You
good?”
“Better than,” I grunt, pulling on my gloves, covering up the lines of my
own personal road map.
“That’s what I like to hear,” Coach says. “I want your heads in the game
tonight, boys. We’re gonna hit ’em so hard it’ll make their tails spin. Now
let’s get out there!”
The room erupts in cheers, and we all jump up, gathering ourselves to
head out onto the field.
 “Eagles bitin’ the heads off Cardinals tonight, playa.” Guty shoulders me,
and I grin at him.
Samson Gutierrez is our wide receiver, and also my roommate. He’s one
of the best dudes I know; an awesome football player, with an infectious
laugh and one of those personalities you can see like a glimmering aura. We
hit it off immediately last year, and our on-field chemistry is something
Coach is banking on to bring us to the finals again this year.
Only this time, I’m not leaving without that championship trophy.
The team files out, through the halls within the stadium that lead us to the
field. My nerves are rattling with adrenaline, but that’s to be expected. It’s a
big deal, after all. First game of the season after I made a name for myself
freshman year. Coach already had the talk with me… about scouts and where
I see myself going. To me, it felt a little premature, but I guess it’s not, all
things considered.
Guys who live and breathe football are thinking about this stuff since
they’re old enough to hold a ball, and I totally get it. I’ve known since I was a
kid that I wanted to play for the NFL someday.
This is you…
Chomping the emotions back one last time, I step through the entryway,
taking in the Friday night lights and the loud, bellowing cheers of fifty
thousand people.
Fifty thousand… Holy shit. That’s a big number.
My eyes scan the stands, a sea of maroon and gold on our side. I would
have no idea where my father is sitting, but I’m sure he’s here. He comes to
most of my games… The only thing he does for me. Still, I’m not sure it’s
really for me…
The music is blaring from the speakers, but I can barely hear it over the
noise from the stands. Our cheerleaders are out there, doing their thing;
shaking butts and pompoms in tandem. I spot Lexi right in the middle and she
blows me a kiss.
“If we win, you’re gonna get so laid,” Guty laughs.
“Got that sock on the doorknob already.” I wink at him, and he cackles,
grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me around.
Helmets go on and Coach gathers us for our pregame chant.
“Eagles on three,” he shouts fast. “One, two, three—”
“Eagles!” we all roar, hands breaking up out of the circle.
Coach pats me on the back while we all run out onto the field, the crowd
bellowing for us. The entire stadium is bumping like a dubstep festival. There
are signs and people with painted faces. It’s a madhouse.
But I can’t focus on any of that. Because it’s game time.
We win the coin toss, and punt first. Guty retrieves the ball, and we’re
starting at our twenty-five-yard line.
Here we go.
The first drive gets us in field-goal range. Our kicker, my friend, Theo
Reeves, sends the ball sailing right down the middle of the goal post. And
less than four minutes into the game, we’re already ahead.
On the bench, I whip off my helmet to grab some water, my eyes fixed on
our defense taking the field. Coach is quiet, which makes sense. He doesn’t
tend to get loud until the second half.
“Oh my God!” Guty lets out one of his booming laughs. “I love that guy.”
“Who?” I have no idea what he’s talking about, because I’m too busy
watching Jenkins, our cornerback, who looks like he’s about to move before
the snap. He doesn’t—thankfully—but still, my eyes are narrowed in on him.
“Baldwin,” Guty keeps cackling. “I wonder why he’s named that… It’s
like Alec Baldwin. 30 Rock… Amirite?!”
“What the fuck are you rambling about??” I whip my face right, where
Guty is sitting next to me, watching the team mascot and laughing like it’s
the funniest thing he’s ever seen.
I can’t help but squint at the dude in the eagle costume. He’s pretending
to lean up against the giant tub of Gatorade, but then he elbows it by accident
and the whole thing almost comes toppling over.
“He knows he’s not a mime, right?” I tilt my head in amusement as the
character frolics around on the sidelines.
“I don’t even care, man.” Guty sighs out his chuckles. “That dude is on
point. I’m gonna hire him for my nephew’s birthday party.”
Suddenly, the crowd erupts, and I spring out of my seat.
“Interception!” the ref calls, and we all begin shouting.
“Fuck yea, baby!” Guty high-fives me, stuffing his helmet back on.
“Let’s do this, Brutus.”
I cast one last lingering glance at Baldwin the Eagle, shaking my head as
I cover it with my helmet and jog back onto the field.
Half-time. And we’re up by one.
The score is twenty-four to seventeen. Not a cushy lead at all, but I’ll take
it for now. As long as our defense follows Coach’s instructions and tightens it
up.
We come back out for the tail-end of the cheerleaders, and all the guys
are swooning. We have some stupidly hot girls cheering for us, one of whom
I’ve gotten to know sort of well…
Lexi and I are a thing, I guess. She’s trying to lock it down, and I’m not
really interested in getting serious, so at times it’s a bit awkward. Honestly, I
think she likes the attention she gets from being seen dating me more than
she actually wants to be in a relationship with me, which isn’t a big shocker.
We hooked up a few times last year, then she kept showing up at training
camp over the summer, so I kind of fell into it out of boredom and
convenience, a deadly combination. Part of me hopes that if I just ignore her
incessant texts about us being exclusive, she’ll get the hint and back off. But
then I’m also aware it never really works out that way.
My head is in the game, mentally running plays and visualizing how the
other team is going to move, when the dancing eagle catches my eye once
more. He’s strutting around in front of the cheerleaders, and I have to laugh. I
don’t know the guy who was Baldwin last year… I think his name was Brian
or Bobby or something. I have to assume it’s the same dude in there, though
his moves are certainly more extravagant than last season.
The crowd cheers as the girls and Baldwin finish up their dance, and
Coach huddles us together.
“Lock up the formation,” he yells over the noise. “They move, you move.
Harbor and Guty, I want you two together as much as possible. Everyone
else, pave the way.”
We shout and break, and as my head lifts, I see through the wall of my
teammates that Baldwin the Eagle has removed his head.
He’s standing off the sidelines, getting a drink of water. And the sight of
shaggy, jaw-length black hair and unmistakable dimples has my eyes
widening and my stomach clenching up like a fist.
Avi… Is that… fucking Avi??
 “Harbor!” Coach roars at me, and I snap back into focus, rushing after the
guys.
Get it together. There’s no time for any of that.
But even as I’m preparing for the snap, I can’t help how my eyes are
sliding off the field again… To my goddamn stepbrother wearing an eagle
costume.
What in the holy fuck is he doing here?!
I’m distracted. I don’t want to be, but I just am, and I end up hesitating
and getting my ass sacked.
“Harbor!” Coach hollers at me again from the sidelines.
“I know…” I huff, shaking off the ache of being tackled, nodding at him.
I’ve got this. Who gives a fuck that Avi is the mascot right now? It’s
weird, yes, but I can’t think about it. I have a game to win.
I pull my head out of my ass, and on the next drive, I send the ball sailing
all the way to Guty for a thirty-yard first down. The crowd goes wild.
I’m struggling not to, but I glance over to the sidelines once more, where
Baldwin… aka Avi… is doing the Moonwalk.
Jesus fucking Christ, take the wheel. Please.
I think the stupefied irritation of seeing Avi at a football game—the place
that’s supposed to be mine, not his—is actually helping me right now. I’m
raging so intensely, my entire body is keyed up, which, in turn, seems to be
sharpening my focus. By the time there are only sixty seconds left on the
clock, the score is thirty-four to twenty-seven, with the Cardinals trailing us
by only one touchdown.
On our final drive, I get us up to their thirty-yard line. That’s when I spot
my in; the perfect opening to solidify our win.
Launching my arm up, I shoot the ball into the air, in the direction of
where Guty has managed to break away, and is sprinting his legs off into the
end zone.
Time is standing still. The crowd is silent. Everyone’s eyes are on the ball
as it spirals…
Right into Guty’s arms.
Boom. Win.
The Eagles take our first game of the season.
Everyone freaks out after that. The stands are thumping, my teammates
are attacking me with roars and cheers and slaps all over my body. And I’m
celebrating… But also itching to get off the field and confront our mascot.
 When I finally slip free, my feet bring me stomping in his direction.
People are shouting congratulatory comments at me from all sides, but my
narrowed gaze is stuck on the dancing eagle.
I reach him fast and give him a hard shove from behind. “What the fuck
are you doing??” I shout over the ruckus.
He spins to face me, still wearing the eagle head, so I can’t see his face.
“Umm… celebrating!” He starts raising the roof. “Good game, bro. You
really—”
I rip his head off to reveal my stepbrother, hair sort of slicked at his
temples with sweat, and giving me a very wide-eyed stare. But also, still
grinning awkwardly, because this is Avi we’re talking about.
“Thanks…” he sighs, blowing a strand of hair away from his eyes. “It’s
hot as balls in here.”
“Avi… What the fuck are you doing dressed as Baldwin the goddamn
Eagle??” I growl at him again, losing my patience for his constant fucking
around.
I should be celebrating right now, but instead, I’m dealing with his goofy
ass.
Avi’s dark eyebrow cocks, and his head slants right. “I’m the mascot.
Duh.” He chuckles. “What do you think… I snuck in here and stole the
costume to be funny?? Although…” He rubs his chin. “That would be pretty
funny. I hope no one does it to me…”
“Avi!” I crowd him, and he backs up. “Why are you the mascot? Is this
some kind of sick joke?? Why are you fucking with me like this?!”
He blinks over eyes that are sort of shiny. The stadium lights bring out the
blue in their gray, a note I shake my head at because I don’t give a fuck what
color his eyes are… He’s ruining my life!
“Kyran, I’m not fucking with you,” he grumbles and rolls the foggy blue.
“I saw the flyer, filled out an application to be the mascot, and they gave me
the job. What’s the big deal? I thought it might be fun…”
“Fun to intrude on the one thing you haven’t taken from me yet?!” I roar
in his face, backing him up until he hits the Gatorade thing again.
“What?? No…” His brows furrow. “What are you talking—”
Suddenly, arms wrap around my waist from behind, a feminine whine
cutting into our heated conversation.
“Babe! You crushed it!” Lexi squeals, hugging onto me while I shift to
find her fluttering lashes up at my face.
 She has maroon and gold sparkles all over her face in the form of
elaborate cheerleader makeup. It’s sort of excessive, but I guess I appreciate
the team spirit.
“Hey, Lex… Thanks,” I mutter, trying to pry her off of me. My eyes flick
to Avi, who raises a brow and smirks. “Can I meet up with you later? I’ve
got… team stuff to do.”
She nods, kissing my jaw. “Sure! Of course, sexy.” Avi snorts, and her
face tilts in his direction. “Who’s this now?”
“This is, uh… the mascot. Baldwin…” I mumble, my jaw setting as I
shoot Avi a scathing look.
His bright-white grin widens at Lexi. “Avi Vega. Kyran’s stepbrother.”
He does a little wave, and she giggles.
I’m gonna fucking kill him.
“Ooh… Stepbrother,” Lexi swoons, the two of them exchanging flirty
looks and smiles, and it’s too much for me.
Spinning Lexi away from Avi, I give her a gentle shove. “Alright, enough
of that. I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Wait! Not without a picture from your first win of the season!” She pulls
her phone out of somewhere. “Will you take it, stepbrother?”
She hands the phone to Avi, but he simply glances at it, then holds up his
mitts. “Can’t, sorry. Bird hands.”
“Fine,” Lexi sighs. “We’ll do a selfie.”
She angles the phone to snap a picture of the two of us. I’m not even
paying attention in it, I’m too busy glaring at Eagle-boy and his shit-eating
grin.
“Perfect,” she cheers anyway, then kisses me once more on the cheek.
“I’ll see you in a bit, hot stuff.”
She scampers off, and I let out a long exhale.
“Say what you want, but that girl’s got charisma,” Avi hums.
“Shut up,” I growl, all patience for him and his antics having now
completely dissipated.
I turn my body to attack him, but he’s already running away.
“I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve gotta flyyyy like an eagle!” he sings
while literally dashing up the sidelines to get away from me.
Expelling a rough breath, I run my fingers through my damp hair.
First win of the season… So why does it feel like a big fat L?
 FuckBoiFarmer: Are you into agriculture? Cuz you sure know how to raise a cock.

By my nineteenth birthday, we’ve played three more games, and won them
all. We’re starting off the season with a bang, and as a team, we’re pumped.
Game two was an away, in Pittsburgh. We beat the Panthers, thirty-eight
to thirty-one… Sort of close. But game two, which we played the day before
my birthday, was a blowout on our turf. We destroyed Syracuse, forty-four to
three. It was the perfect birthday gift, and you bet your ass I celebrated hard
that night.
But there are two reasons why the Syracuse win wasn’t the best night of
my life. The first is because I had to watch Avi doing the shuffle the whole
time dressed as our stupid eagle mascot. I mean, I’m really not trying to be a
team downer, but it would be nice if I didn’t know my obnoxious stepbrother
was the one inside that eagle suit, watching me and grinning the whole time.
It was in the back of my head throughout the entire game, and I think it might
have something to do with the fury I managed to channel into more passing
yards than any quarterback has ever thrown only three games into the season.
Thankfully, Avi wasn’t at the game in Pittsburgh. I’m not sure if traveling
to away games isn’t part of the mascot’s responsibilities or if he just decided
not to go, but either way, it was a nice break from having to watch him dance
like an idiot. But sure enough, at our next home game, there was Baldwin.
Annoying me with his presence, which is pretty much his greatest talent.
The second reason the Syracuse win could’ve been better is because my
father wasn’t there. In fact, my father hasn’t been to any of my games yet,
and it’s starting to fuck with my head a little. I didn’t expect him to travel to
Pittsburgh. but for the home games… What’s his excuse? Football is the only
thing he truly supports me in, yet he’s been noticeably absent.
Part of me wants to call him and find out what the deal is… But the other
part, the part that’s infinitely stubborn, refuses to give him the satisfaction. If
he’s stopped caring about me in the one teeny tiny sliver he still had, then so
be it.
He can fuck right off.
Unfortunately, though, that attitude is only skin-deep. On the inside, I’m
obsessing about it, to an almost neurotic degree. Inside, I’m a child again,
desperately trying not to disappoint him, while simultaneously doing just
that, with things that are completely out of my control.
It feels like an itch I just can’t reach. Which is why when Hannah called
me on my birthday and invited me to come home for dinner this weekend, I
ignored all my urges to tell her and my dad to go to Hell, and agreed. If for
no other reason than to confront my father and find out what possible excuse
he could have for missing my games without so much as a phone call or a
text.
I’m nervous while I sit, bouncing my knee in the backseat of my Uber as
it drives me to Somerville for what I’m sure will be yet another one of our
forced family dinners I’ve been purposely trying to avoid for the last few
years. It’s why over summer break, I spent as much time out with friends as
possible. Anything to keep me away from home; from my dad acting like I’m
more of an unsatisfactory business investment than a son, from Hannah being
the object of his only affections, and from Avi, whose blasé attitude and
constant smiling just reminds me of what I could be like if I wasn’t so fucked
up.
But now, rather than running away, I’m going back. Dealing with all of
this family bullshit, in an effort to figure out what’s happening.
The Uber comes to a stop in front of my house, right behind what looks to
be another Uber. I step out of mine at the same time that Avi is stepping out
of his, and we both roll our eyes at one another.
“See, now… if you weren’t such a prick, we could’ve split one,” he
mutters while we walk up to the front door.
“No thanks.” I grab the doorknob before he can get to it, pushing my way
inside the house in front of him.
He mumbles, “Fucker,” under his breath, but I’m not paying attention.
I’m too busy looking around the house with startled wide eyes, wondering
why everything is different.
Most of the furniture is either gone, or has been replaced with smaller,
cheaper-looking stuff. The art is all missing from the walls… It looks like
when we first moved in. And I smell food, but I don’t hear Theresa’s familiar
humming coming from the kitchen.
It’s just a dimly lit, barren wasteland of what our home used to be.
“Dad?” I shout, at the same time that Avi yells, “Mom?!”
Hannah peeks around the corner from the kitchen and shows us a tired
smile. “Hi, boys!”
She wipes her hands on a dish towel, sauntering over. And as soon as
she’s close, I can see some dark circles under her eyes. She looks exhausted
and sort of frazzled.
“Baby boy,” she croons while hugging Avi. Then she turns and hugs me.
“Happy late birthday, Ky. I’m sorry we couldn’t come to see you on your
actual birthday. There was a lot… going on.”
“Like what?” I ask nervously as she pulls away, tucking her hair behind
her ear and avoiding eye contact.
“Mom, what’s going on?” Avi asks. “Why is it empty in here?”
“Yea, and where’s my dad? His car’s not in the driveway…”
“Your father is here,” she says, as if trying to placate me, but it just brings
up a bunch more questions. “He’s in his office. We have some things to talk
about with you boys, but we’ll do it over dinner.”
She turns and darts back to the kitchen. “I’m just finishing up!” she calls
as she rushes to the stove. “Relax for a bit. It’ll be ready soon.”
Avi and I share a look of concern before he follows after her. And I tilt
my face all around the drab walls.
What the hell is going on…?
I wander through the den, to my father’s office. The door is closed, and
when I gently press my ear up to it, I can hear him speaking. I can’t make out
what he’s saying, but he’s clearly talking to someone on the phone. And it
doesn’t sound like a pleasant conversation. My dad’s stern rumble seems sort
of frantic. And then he starts shouting.
Pulling my face away fast, I stare at the door separating us, my stomach
all bunched up in knots.
“Dad?” I call through the door, knocking softly. “Is everything okay?”
He’s quiet for a moment before he clears his throat and answers, “Fine…
I’ll be out in a minute!”
 My nerves are bounding around inside me like bouncy balls. The
impending dread reminds me of when I was twelve years old… When my
parents would have hushed arguments about me behind closed doors.
Combing my fingers through my hair, I release a breath in an attempt to
calm myself down. I lean up against the wall and close my eyes.
It’s not my fault.
Taking my phone out of my pocket, I open the camera just to stare at
myself.
It’s fine… It’s all fine. You’re here.
This is you.
I guess I spaced out, because a throat clearing startles me. I flinch so hard,
I nearly drop my phone, chin springing up to find Avi at the entrance of the
room, gawking at me.
His brows push together. “When you’re done sexting with bimbos,
dinner’s ready.”
“I’m not—” I grumble, but he’s already out of the room and walking
away.
Sighing, I stuff my phone away and follow him, heading for the dining
room where Hannah is bringing dishes of food to the table.
“Where’s Theresa?” I ask, accusatory distress in my tone.
“She took the week off…” Hannah won’t look at me, busying herself
with setting up dinner.
Something strange is happening here, and I really hate it. If I knew this
was what they had in store for my birthday dinner, I would have gladly
stayed at school.
I take a seat at the table, and Avi sits down across from me. I think he
might be watching me, but when I peek up, he seems much more concerned
with his mother’s restless movements. She gets everything set up on the
table, then stands still for a moment, her face slowly slanting in the direction
of my father’s office.
She stalks away. And a moment later, I hear her knocking on his door,
calling for him to come join us. I’m getting the impression he doesn’t want
to…
Something is not right at all, and what’s worse, for the first time since I
met him, Avi has lost that cocky, couldn’t give a fuck less attitude he always
brings with him. In fact, he seems just as uneasy as the rest of us… It’s like
when you go through turbulence on a plane. If the flight attendants look
nervous, then you really have something to worry about.
After a few minutes, Hannah finally returns to the room with my father
meandering quietly behind her. I’m watching him like a hawk, and it’s not
making me feel any better about this situation. Because he looks like shit.
He too has circles under his eyes, stubble overgrown, his typically
pressed white dress shirt unbuttoned and rumpled.
The two of them take their seats, and while Hannah shows me and Avi a
hesitant smile, my father won’t even look at us.
“Dad…?” I murmur, and his jaw sets.
I witness his Adam’s apple bob in his throat before he finally peeks up at
me for a split second. His eyes are bloodshot… I think maybe he’s been
drinking more than usual.
“Happy birthday, son,” he grouses. “I heard about your game this week…
Congratulations.”
My lips part, but I have no words. I thought seeing him would spurn on
the rage I’ve been feeling at him not showing up or caring about my games. I
even had a little speech prepared, wherein I brag about my passing yards and
then tell him to fuck off.
But seeing him this way has turned my mind blank.
“Well, everyone dig in,” Hannah sighs. “I made my special couscous, and
—”
“Fuck that,” Avi grunts, and all eyes move to him.
“Aviel,” Hannah huffs. “No cursing at the dinner table. Now, eat
something.”
“No fuckin way,” he keeps going. “No one’s eating shit until you tell us
what’s going on.”
For once, I agree with him, although I won’t give him the satisfaction of
letting him know it. We both stare at our parents, waiting for them to drop
whatever bomb they’re obviously delaying unleashing on us.
Hannah fiddles with her napkin, then peeks at my father. “Tom… we
need to tell them.”
“Tell us what??” Avi fumes, gripping the edge of the table in suspense.
My father still refuses to look at us, but I can read his face like a book.
Frustration, devastation, lines of anger, resentment, and hostility… It’s all so
familiar to me, I feel like I might pass out.
Finally, he pulls in a long breath, then lets out slowly before muttering,
“The business went under.”
 The silence in the room seems to echo his words, like they’re pinging off
the empty walls.
Okay… that’s definitely not what I expected.
Swallowing a lump of confusion in my throat, I ask, “What do you mean
it went under? What happened??”
He shoots me a defeated look. “Robert made some bad investments,
covered them with our pensions... You don’t need to know the specifics, but
essentially, I’m fucked. We all are.”
My mouth is hanging open for so long my tongue starts to feel dry,
unblinking eyes causing the same. I can’t even believe what I’m hearing…
My father started his business from the ground up, with a hefty start-up
donation from my grandparents, of course. But still, he’s been growing it like
another one of his children since before my sister was even born. And it’s
always been his least disappointing baby.
Now he’s saying it’s… gone? Just like that??
“I’m so sorry this had to happen on your birthday, Ky…” Hannah says.
I blink in disbelief. “Who fucking cares about my birthday?! So you’re
saying we’re… broke?”
“Calm down,” my father growls.
“No, he’s right,” Avi jumps in. “We deserve to know what this means.”
“Well, in case you can’t tell, we’ve been selling things,” Hannah says,
clearly trying to remain positive, though I’ve never seen her so stressed.
“Some of the home furnishings, both of our cars… I’m going back to full-
time at the dealership.”
“This is fucking crazy…” I rake my fingers through my hair.
My thoughts are rushing a mile a minute, all the possibilities of what this
could mean jumbling inside my skull until I can barely hold my head up.
“And the house…?” Avi asks, his tone much more anxious than I thought
he could sound.
“We’ll be able to keep the house,” my dad answers. “I’m looking for new
work. I have some leads, but it will be a big transition…”
“What about school??” I cut him off frantically.
His eyes snap up to mine, but he doesn’t respond. The silence in this
room is deafening.
Abruptly, my father stands up, waltzing over to his minibar to pour
himself a glass of whiskey. He tosses it back fast, then pours another. Hannah
is just watching him with unease all over her face.
 His shoulders are visibly hunched as he says, “Unfortunately, we won’t
be able to pay for either of your college expenses any longer.”
“Holy fucking shit, this isn’t happening…” I rub my eyes hard with my
fingers.
“Your scholarships should have paid for most of the tuition,” Hannah
stammers, in an attempt to comfort us.
“But we can’t cover housing,” my father adds in a blank, emotionless
tone.
My heart tumbles down into my stomach.
“It’ll be fine,” Hannah goes on. “You can both move back home after this
semester if you need to. It’s a short commute. I know plenty of kids who
would kill to live this close to school…”
No… No fucking way.
I am absolutely not commuting to BC for two more years. Fuck that.
I’m not moving back in here. I refuse.
“This is so fucked,” Avi scoffs an unamused chuckle, shaking his head.
“So there’s just nothing we can do??” I gasp, jittering in my seat from the
weight of the utter sadistic bullshit that is my life.
“You could talk to your advisor… To your coach.” Dad shrugs, drinking
with his back to us. “See if you can apply for a housing grant…”
“Yea right.” I rip at my hair some more. “They won’t give me shit. Not
when I live so close, and if anything, not until next year.”
“Kyran, living at home for one semester won’t be the end of the world…”
Hannah chirps remorsefully.
Um, yes, it will. It will be the end of the world.
BC was supposed to be my escape. Even one semester living here could
derail everything.
I have to live in the dorms with my teammates. I love living with Guty,
and being able to see my friends whenever I want. If I moved in here, I’d be
stuck with my father, a man who barely gives a shit about me, his suffering
new wife, and… Avi.
No. No, I don’t want this. This sucks ass.
“Tom, please sit down and eat something,” Hannah hums in a small,
pleading voice.
But he simply grunts, “Not hungry.” He pours himself another glass of
liquor and stomps away, back to his office.
The door slams, and with that, the conversation is over.
 My life, as I know it, is over.
My plans, everything I’ve been trying to do… Everything I’ve been
fighting like hell to overcome…
It’s all blown up right in my face.
A memory pops into my mind… Of my father telling me and my sister
that he and my mother were getting a divorce. The look he shot right at me,
before stalking away into his office and slamming the door…
You can’t escape it.
You never will.
Nothing you do will ever be good enough to fix the damage you caused.
“You know what…” I scoot my chair back and stand up, pushing past the
headrush that wobbles me a little. “I’m not hungry either.”
Feet carrying me in the direction of the stairs, I march up them, numb to
the world as I go. The lack of control I have in this situation is daunting,
building severe pressure inside my skull like a migraine. Slamming my
bedroom door, I lean up against it and struggle to breathe.
This can’t be happening… It can’t be.
After everything I did to get myself out… I can’t lose it all just like that.
Pushing myself off the door, I stumble over to my bed and plop down
onto it, stuffing my face into the pillow.
Last year was amazing… Freshman year at BC, making new friends, the
parties, the football… I was finally away. Free from the nightmares and
congested memories. I can’t possibly go back to living here…
He doesn’t fucking want me here.
A few minutes of stewing later, there’s a knock on my door. A small
sliver of hope rustles awake inside me… that maybe it’s my father coming to
talk to me. To tell me it wasn’t my fault, and that he still loves me, no matter
what.
But as I sit up and croak, “Yea?” the door swings open to reveal the last
person I want to see right now.
“Hey…” Avi shifts his weight in the doorway. “How are you holding
up?”
Shaking my head, I flop back down. “What do you want, Avi?”
When he doesn’t respond, I peer over at the doorway again to find him
chewing on his lower lip. “You know, this sucks for me too…”
“Oh, really?” I scoff. “You don’t even like school. Moving back in here
wouldn’t matter to you, just like having to transfer somewhere else wouldn’t.
You don’t care… about anything.”
“Yes, I fucking do.” He steps into the room. “I’ve made friends at BC too,
okay? Just because I’m not a superstar football quarterback, doesn’t mean I
have nothing to lose.”
I roll my eyes.
“You’ll always have more opportunities than me, Kyran.” He slumps
down onto my bed, and I pull my knees to my chest to get away from him.
“You can probably just apply for housing through your fancy football
scholarship. But I don’t have that option. I’ll be lucky if my assistance even
covers full tuition.”
“Get out of my room, Avi.” Melancholy escapes in my tone, though I
really don’t want him hearing it. “There’s nothing worse than having to feel
this way in front of you.”
“Why? Because I couldn’t possibly understand what you’re going
through??” he grumbles in frustration. “God, you’re fucking self-absorbed.
This isn’t only happening to you, Kyran. It’s happening to all of us. The first
time I’ve ever cared about something… The first time I’ve ever been able to
get something that’s more for people like you than people like me…”
Flinging upright, I hurtle a glare at him. “Oh, poor Avi. Middle class is so
difficult. You have no idea the kinds of things other people have had to deal
with.” His forehead lines and he stares at me while I gulp and backtrack.
“You’ll get over this because you can. It’s easier for you…”
“What does that even mean…?” he mumbles.
“Never mind,” I grunt, standing up because I just have to get away from
him.
I can’t stand being next to him for one more second, especially with him
looking at me the way he is.
Stalking to the doorway, I pause to say, “I guess I’ll see you back at
school… for however long we have left.”
And with those despondent words, I head downstairs and leave, ordering
an Uber back to campus. The entire twenty-minute drive, my mind is racing
through the torment that drives my determination.
In my hands are the lines of roads between captivity and escape.
I have to figure this out. I can’t be crushed down again…
Not this time.
 Arora626: Why does this video make me want a Costco hotdog?
MirrorMirror: Can I pleaseee be your Fluffer? *Bats lashes*

I might have lost my mind.

No, seriously… I think I’ve gone completely loco.
Let me tell you how the last two weeks of my life have been going, and
then you can corroborate my claims.
Approximately fifteen days ago, I found out that my mother’s husband,
my stepfather, Thomas Harbor, is broke. Like, broke as a joke. Meaning no
extra funds for anything, especially his stepchild.
The credit card that I had for emergency purposes—which was
conveniently how I paid for all my food, clothing, transportation… literally
everything—stopped working two days later. It was pretty humiliating being
an almost twenty-year-old calling Mommy and begging for a few bucks to
feed myself until I can find a job on campus. But I had no other option. All
the accounts dried up almost immediately, including my own, which, let’s
face it, only had money in it because my mother would deposit some every
week.
I haven’t had a job since we lived in Brooklyn and I worked a few hours
here and there at the Starbucks down the block after school. When we moved,
I’d planned on finding something, but then Mom married Tom and it didn’t
really seem necessary. He paid for everything. She’d even scaled back to
part-time work at the Mercedes dealership…
But now she’s back to working sixty hours a week, and supporting our
entire family, which has increased by two mouths, until Tom finds something
new.
It’s a big fucking mess. Boston is almost as expensive as New York,
which is ridiculous because it’s like a million times smaller. Things on the
BC campus are discounted for students, but not by much. So now, it’s
goodbye morning lattes and the constant DoorDashing to feed my endless
munchies… and hello Maruchan ramen noodles in a stupid fucking
Styrofoam cup.
What a cliché… a college student surviving on Cup of Noodles. God, this
blows.
And the craziest part of it all is that I should be living in the lap of luxury!
A week before the start of this semester, I was informed that because of a
lack of available space last minute and some miracle of divine intervention, I
was being switched from the Walsh Residence Hall to the Thomas More
Apartments; the fanciest, most sought-after part of BC housing. Usually, you
have to be rich as fuck, or a Senator’s kid or something to get in there. And
now I, little Avi Vega from Brooklyn, am living here out of sheer dumb luck.
And to top it all off, my newly assigned roommate, Ash Holloway, never
showed up. No one’s told me what happened to him, or why he’s suddenly
absent from school, but I can’t say I’m mad about it.
I sort of know Ash Holloway… He went to Somerville High. But that
doesn’t make us friends, or mean that I’m bummed he isn’t here. Because I
now have a suite-sized double-dorm to myself. It’s been two months, and I
haven’t heard shit about where my Aussie musician roommate is, or if he’ll
ever be gracing me with his presence.
Basically, I’m living the dream. Except that I’m not, because all the
fantastic plans I’d made, to furnish my new penthouse and throw extravagant
Playboy-style parties, have been stubbed out by the lack of funds. Luckily, I
was able to buy some nice bedding and kitchen stuff on Tom’s credit card
before I found out about his company going under. Other than that, the place
is sort of sparse.
But still… it is really nice to have privacy and my own space.
Which brings me, finally, to the anecdote that proves I’ve gone off my
rocker.
Frankie came over last week while I was in a downward spiral.
“What am I gonna do??” I’d asked her, pacing around the room. “I’m
completely fucked… The financial aid I applied for doesn’t even cover all of
my tuition for next semester, let alone housing.”
 “How much do you need?” She gazed up at me from the couch in my
dorm living room, her fingers steepled in front of her lips.
“Thirty-five hundred to finish sophomore year,” I sighed, then finally
stopped pacing to fall dramatically onto my knees on the floor. “And another
nine grand to keep this place.” I whimpered, petting the hardwood floors
with my fingers. “I knew it was too good to be true…”
“That’s it??” Frankie gasped. “Only nine grand a semester for this place??
That’s actually really low…”
“They took pity on me and gave me the regular dorm rate,” I mumbled.
“But still, it doesn’t matter. How on fucking earth would I ever come up with
thirteen grand in two months?? Even with the payment plan, I won’t be able
to find that kind of cash fast. There isn’t a part-time job in the world where I
could work enough hours while also balancing school…” Pressing my
forehead to the floor, I whined out of hopelessness. “Goodbye, beautiful,
spacious luxury dorm room. We could have had something so special…”
Feeling a nudge on my side, I peeked at Frankie to find her poking me
with her toes. “I might know of a way you can get some quick money…”
I blinked at her. “I don’t like the way your eyes are sparkling…” Her tiny
smirk widened into a fully wicked grin, and I straightened. “Frankie… I will
not rob a bank with you. I don’t think I have the stomach for it. Plus, what
kind of mask would I wear?? There are just too many options…”
“Idiot,” she chuckled. “No one’s robbing anyone. Well… not exactly.” I
simply stared at her as she leaned forward. “I have two words for you… I
mean, two words smashed together for some reason.”
My brows knitted.
“OnlyFans.”
I continued to gawk at her for five full seconds before bursting into a
boom of haughty laughter. “Yea… right. That’s good. Thanks, Franks, I
needed the laugh.” I wiped my eyes while she narrowed hers.
“I’m being serious.”
Amusement fading, I scoffed and tossed her a look like she was nuts.
“Dude, I can’t do OnlyFans…”
“Why not?” She sat back and folded her arms over her chest.
“Because…” I muttered, shaking my head at the tomfoolery of this
conversation’s trajectory. “What would I even do? How would it even
work?? I can’t do… porn.”
Frankie threw her head back in a cackle. “It’s not really porn.” I cocked
my head at her. “Okay, well, in a way, I guess it is.” She scooted down onto
the floor in front of me. “But, Avi, listen to me. You’re fucking hot. You
have a sick body, which I still don’t even really understand because you stuff
your face with junk constantly and are like the least physically active person I
know.”
I frowned. “I work out ironically…”
“The point is, people on the internet would pay good money to look at
you.” She smirked. “Throw in some naughty lil videos, and you’re golden,
pony boy. Problem solved.”
I couldn’t believe I was actually thinking about it… But I was. The
attraction to fast money wasn’t something I could overlook at that point in
time.
Because the more I stressed about it, the more I knew with absolute
certainty there was no way to make the money I needed by working a regular
job. It was too late. Even forfeiting the sick-ass dorm and moving home
wouldn’t solve my problem.
I needed to do something drastic if I wanted to stay at BC. Especially if I
wanted to keep living on campus, in this amazing apartment that had
somehow just fallen into my lap. I couldn’t possibly squander this
opportunity.
And my conversation with Kyran from the week earlier popped into my
head…
Somehow, I’d found myself in a place I didn’t belong, surrounded by
thousands of people who thought they were better than me. If I just gave up,
moved home, and switched to a less expensive school, I’d be proving them
all right. I couldn’t let that happen just because my rich stepdad’s company
went under.
I didn’t need him. I could fight for this myself, and prove, definitively,
that I deserved this just as much as they did.
Swallowing down my reservations, I blinked at Frankie. “And you really
make that much money? Just from recording yourself naked…?”
“Let’s just put it this way… I saved up enough for first, last, and security
on an apartment in Brookline,” she told me with a sympathetic smile. My
forehead lined. “I was going to wait to tell you… since you know, I didn’t
want to kick you while you were down. But I’m moving in next week.”
“You’re leaving campus?” I pouted, bummed by this information. I
needed Frankie around, especially now.
 She’s my best friend…
“I’ll be ten minutes away. Don’t be a baby.” She chuckled, which brought
a curve to my lips. “Plus, I’m throwing an epic Halloween housewarming
party to celebrate, and I expect your ass to be there.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I grinned.
“Good.” She poked her finger into my right dimple. “Now, where are we
on the OF? ’Cause if you’re gonna do it, you’re gonna need help getting it set
up and promoting yourself.”
My face lit up and I gasped, “Will you be my OnlyFans Yoda?!”
“Show your dick on camera you will, young Nerdwalker,” she teased, and
I cackled. “No, but seriously. Strokin’ it for perverts on the internet is all well
and good, but for the kind of money you need to make, and as fast, we’ll have
to do some serious selling.”
“Oh God…” I rubbed my face. “I haven’t even started it yet, and already
you sound like a pimp.”
“Get that ass in gear, baby girl.” She stood up fast and started snapping
her fingers at me. “Time is money.”
And just like that, I was going to start stripping for strangers on the
internet. It really happens that fast.
From that conversation, I kicked my ass into immediate gear. Frankie
brought over her old tripod stand, which, according to her, is a must.
“POV shots are a hit, but you can’t do it the whole time,” she told me
while helping me set up my creator account.
“Can’t I just lean my phone against some books?” I’d murmured, and she
gaped at me like I was personally offending her.
“You need to be a professional, Avi,” she’d scolded. “The only way
you’ll make real money doing this is if you look at it like a job.”
Once again stuffing down my hesitations about the whole thing, I’d
nodded in agreement. After all, I had already boarded the crazy train… there
was no getting off now.
Actually, there would be plenty of getting off.
No shortage of puns available in this situation.
In my first week as an OnlyFans creator, I’ve managed to wrangle up fifty
subscribers, and made a few hundred bucks on subscriptions. As a total newb,
I’d consider that a pretty good start. I also created a Twitter account
specifically for the purposes of selling myself, and with Frankie retweeting
and mentioning me constantly to her fifty-thousand-plus followers, I’m
seeing new fans popping up every day.
However, as far as content goes, I’m still dipping my toe in the shallow
end. I won’t lie… it’s a strange thing to warm up to.
I’m not the guy who sends dick pics around or records jerk-off videos of
myself, so this is all very new for me. At the same time, it’s easy to get
wrapped up in the attention when the comments start rolling in…
You’re so beautiful…
Look at that body…
Endless heart-eyes and fire emojis… I’ll admit, it went to my head pretty
quick.
Which is why I’m now fully certain that I’ve gone mad… Because I’m
currently lying in my bed with my dick out, recording myself jerking off for
the complete strangers who are paying me to do so.
With my hand wrapped around my shaft, I struggle to ignore my phone’s
camera aimed right at me from where it’s locked into the tripod at the edge of
the bed. I’m not an actor, in any way shape or form, but I’ve been working
on learning to control my body’s movements, practicing the faces I make and
the little sounds… Really trying to sell it, while also coming across as
natural.
It’s weird at first, but if this is my only shot at making the money I need
to stay here, then I’ll try my very hardest to Spielberg this production into
something that will have the benjis rolling in at a steady pace.
Grazing my fingers over my nuts, I squeeze them a bit before my hand
slides back up, slowly stroking my cock as it fills rapidly. It’s a little cold in
here, so my nipples are pebbled… Not to mention that the thrill of even doing
this is giving me goosebumps.
It’s the ultimate naughty act of exhibitionism in the twenty-first century.
Filming yourself doing things you should theoretically only be doing in
private. And I suppose it’s still private, in a sense.
This is just for the fans… the people who have paid money for me do it.
And surprisingly, that notion seems to turn me on even more.
Hence why my dick is thick and solid in my hand, my heart thumping
wildly within my chest from the nerves, adrenaline, and the thrill of it. I
continue to gradually palm my cock, a teasing dance that’s born out of mild
trepidation. Honestly, it’s kind of my brand so far. The college student,
hesitantly and wantonly exploring himself in his dorm room all alone…
My left hand pushes my sweatpants down a little more, while the right
works up a rhythm. Eyes closed, head tipped back, I writhe into the sensation
of giving myself pleasure, while my mind flips through various musings…
I wonder what my fans would like to see…
Do they like when I tease myself, slowly, like this? Do they touch
themselves, watching me touch myself?
I wonder if it makes them as hot as it makes me, and even thinking about
it has my hips chasing the friction of my hand pulling on my cock, more and
more.
This is my first full-length video. Up until this point, I’ve only been
sharing pictures and a few video clips. And the thing that’s sort of surprised
me more than the fact that people are even paying for this in the first place, is
how many of my subscribers are guys.
Call it my own naivety, I guess, but for some reason, I stupidly assumed
that because I’m straight and have only ever hooked up with girls, girls
would be the ones watching me. On the contrary. About ninety percent of my
subscribers are men, and they all seem to be the most generous with the tips
and the comments.
Truthfully, I’m just grateful for all of it, regardless of who it’s coming
from.
I’ve never been a macho-hetero dude. It’s just not me. I’ve always seen
sexuality as fluid for other people, and I suppose it is for me too, even though
I’ve never been attracted to another man before.
Well, maybe not in a way that’s felt obvious… I’ve noticed guys before,
but it was always an abstract thought. I figured if I was bisexual, then my
desire to hook up with a guy would take over and it would just happen. But it
hasn’t, so in that sense, I just call myself straight and that’s that.
But now that I have a bunch of men watching me touch myself, telling me
how gorgeous I am and about all the things they’d like to do to me… I don’t
know. It sparks this tiny little buzz of excitement in the pit of my stomach
that I can’t explain.
I’m not repulsed by it, not even close. In fact, I think it might be what’s
turning me on the most.
My eyes creep open and I peek at the camera, only to remind myself not
to and flutter them shut once more, biting my lip and fucking my fist harder
as a soft groan escapes me. I can’t even tell if it was for the benefit of the
video or if it just happened, but I’m definitely burning up inside my skin right
now. The confusion of jumbled thoughts about my sexuality is heavy,
weighing on my chest like someone’s sitting on top of me. But instead of
ignoring it or pushing it away, I lean into it.
I let it fuel things… The lust, the untapped desire… The curiosity of what
it would be like if someone else was in the room with me right now,
watching.
Just watching… at first. But then maybe they would come over. Slowly
step up to the bed, then drop their knees onto the mattress by my side.
No… Over my hips.
Maybe they would straddle me and push my hand away so they could
take my cock in theirs and stroke it for me. Leaning over my mouth and
brushing my lips with theirs…
“Ffuck…” The word just gusts from my mouth while my dick leaks in my
hand.
Squeezing it harder, I stroke faster, the fire inside me building to a roaring
blaze. My left hand slinks up my chest and I brush my nipple, whimpering at
the sensation that seems to be winding through every nerve in my body.
God, I want to come. I just need to come so bad right now, it’s all I can
think about. I’m chasing my orgasm, fucking up into my hand with twisted
and warped images in my brain of someone else getting me there.
I don’t know who it is, but it’s a person, and I think they’re not like
anyone I’ve ever done this with before. I think they’re bigger… Like my size.
Warm and hard everywhere.
I imagine them kissing down my chest, sucking my nipple as hard as I’m
pinching it. Gliding lower, biting me and tonguing their way through the lines
of my abs. Then taking my cock into their wet mouth and sucking on it the
way I might…
Timid… But hungry. Nervously ravenous.
“God, fuck… yes…” I whisper, keeping my eyes shut tight, because if I
open them, I might lose this… whatever it is.
This fantasy. This dirty, delicious, puzzling reverie.
In my imagination, I reach down for their head and feel a backwards cap,
like the one I’m wearing now. I push it off and thread my fingers through soft
hair, gripping it in my fist while I ride their mouth and my toes curl.
I’m so fucking close… I’m so, so close, and all I want in the world is to
blow every thick pulse of cum I can down their throat and watch them
swallow for me.
My hand is working on its own, dragging myself to the edge harder and
harder, legs spreading, muscles constricting. It feels so fucking good, I just…
“Fuck, I’m coming,” I rush out the words, to no one, because my
imaginary friend isn’t here.
It’s just me, stroking out my orgasm onto my abs.
But damn, it still feels fucking great.
My dick shoots while I whine and rasp out hushed sounds, soaking
myself in streams of slick cum. Chest pumping up and down, I release every
drop and then sort of melt into the mattress, ragged breaths flying out of me
as I try to catch them.
I lie basking in it for minutes, until my eyes snap open, landing on my
phone, the camera lens aimed at me.
Sheesh… I totally forgot I was recording for a second there.
Sitting up, I glance down at my orgasm all over my chest and abs,
swiping my fingers through the mess. Then I peek back at the camera,
locking my eyes on it as I gingerly slip them into my mouth.
Mmm… salty.
I wonder if they’ll like that…
Because I think I definitely do.

I’m walking on freaking sunshine.

Twenty-four hours after posting that video on my OF, I officially have
over a hundred new fans, more than half of whom paid for the six-month
subscription.
I can’t believe I’m raking in dough like this already. I thought it would
take me at least a month to get this thing off the ground, but I guess I’ve
tapped into something because I just hit five thousand followers on Twitter.
In less than ten days!
Boo-yah! Backwardz_Cap comin in hot!
That’s my username. Backwardz_Cap. I thought it was pretty clever,
considering that I’ve made rocking a backwards Yankees cap my signature in
my content. I don’t care about baseball, but I figured wearing a BC cap, or
even a Red Sox one, might be too close to home. So I dug out my dad’s old
Yankees cap I used to wear before we moved here. Not that it’s a disguise at
all. And if someone I know from school were to happen upon my account,
and subscribed, they would definitely know that it’s me.
Still, I don’t show my face on Twitter, or in my profile pic on OnlyFans.
And Frankie’s been doing OnlyFans for a year with nothing more than a little
veil covering her face and no one here has found her… Or if they have, they
haven’t confronted her about it. I guess it’s like she says… People prefer to
stay discreet when it comes to porn. No one needs to know what’s happening
on someone else’s phone screen.
Accept Big Brother… Because let’s face it, he’s always watching.
At this point, I almost have enough money to pay my first tuition
installment, and that won’t be due for another few weeks. I’m in a great
position so far, but I can’t get cocky. Running this thing is definitely a full-
time job. As it stands, I’m on my phone constantly, sharing little clips on
Twitter, constantly pimping my OF, responding to DMs from my fans and
teasing upcoming videos. I also spend way too much time trying to think of
original content.
People loved the jerk-off video, but I don’t think doing just that will be
able to hold their attention for long. They always end up wanting more…
For example, I’ve already gotten several DMs from guys requesting that I
collaborate, i.e. bringing someone else on camera with me. And judging by
the people suggesting it, I’m not sure they would want that person to be
female…
That’s a whole other thing I’m not sure I can wrap my head around just
yet. I mean, if it meant raking in thousands of dollars, I’m sure I could get on
board… But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be nervous. After all, it’d be a bit
of a change-up from my normal sexual repertoire.
I’m on my way to meet the crew at Frankie’s new apartment in Brookline
to help her unpack. She’s officially relocated from the BC dorms into her
new place. I’ve seen pictures, but I can’t wait to see it in person… It looks
insane.
Hopping off the train, I walk the couple of blocks to Frankie’s street,
counting the numbers on the large houses until I reach hers. And I have to
stop and stare at it, because it’s really just stunning.
Boston is such a beautiful city. Everything has this colonial feel to it,
even the modern stuff. And with the trees all decorated in orange, red, and
yellow leaves, the brisk air brushing across my face… I have to say, I like it
here. I wasn’t sure I would when I left New York, but now that I’m in the
heart of the city, I can admit it’s a pretty special place.
Jogging up the stoop of the multi-family home, I press the button for
Frankie’s apartment, and within seconds, the door is buzzing me in. I’m
barely finished knocking on the door before it’s flinging open, and I’m being
greeted by all sorts of excited squeals and cheek kisses.
Micah, Zeb, and Bea are already here, drinks in hand. And of course, with
my arrival, it’s time to spark it up. Working my magic, I roll a fat joint for us
to share in a matter of seconds, which we smoke while Frankie gives me the
tour.
“Are you excited for my Halloween party?” she asks me as I help her
unpack things I feel like we were just packing the last time I helped her
move, a few months back.
“Oh, yes.” I grin, handing her items as she scampers around the room,
putting them away in various spots. “Nothing like a party full of people
dressed like slutty versions of their favorite characters.”
She chuckles. “Have you decided on a costume?”
“Well, in case you forgot, I dress up like an eagle on the regs. So if all
else fails, I’ll just show up as Baldwin and pray no one spills their vodka on
me.”
“Avi!” she gasps admonishingly. “You can’t wear your mascot costume
for Halloween. That’s cheating.”
“I know, I know.” I laugh. “I’ll figure something out. How about you?”
She grins wickedly. “I’ve already picked mine. And it’s gonna blow your
sweaty eagle out of the water.”
I aim a disturbed look her way. “That’s a really strange thing to say to
me, Miss.”
She giggles again. “Alright. On the topic of strange things… I have a
proposition for you.”
“I already don’t like where this is going,” I huff.
She steps over, gazing up at me with her teal eyes sparkling, and I can
just tell she’s up to no good.
“A few of my fans have been sort of begging for something…” she starts,
keeping her voice down, I’m guessing so that the others don’t overhear,
though they’re all currently in the kitchen plowing through the pizzas we
ordered. “They’ve been in my DMs for weeks now, and I think if I could
make it happen, it would mean some serious dead prezzies.”
I squint down at her wide-eyed expression of excitement. “Okay…”
 “So, you know how we were talking about pay-per-view? Creators
offering exclusive content for a higher price, aside from the subscription?”
She tilts her head.
“Yea…” I mumble, wondering where she’s going with this.
“Well, I’ve gotten dozens of DMs asking me to do a threesome video…
With two guys,” she hums casually, her lips quirking into a devilish little
smirk.
Okay. There it is… Where she’s going with it.
“Mhm…” I suppress a grin. “And you want me to be one of the guys.”
Her smile widens, and she pokes me on the nose. “And they say you’re
not smart.”
My brow furrows. “Who says I’m not smart??”
“I was thinking of filming it on Halloween.” She ignores me, clapping her
hands together. “I’ll charge a one-time fee for my fans who want to see it,
and then I’ll split the profits with my collaborators…”
“Uh, Frankie, I think you’re missing something here,” I cut in. “I’m only
one guy. You would still need another one.”
“I can find someone.” She shrugs indifferently.
“But you can’t just ask any dude,” I point out. “They would need to be
someone we can trust… Someone who will be discreet about the whole
OnlyFans thing.” I pause and shake my head. “Plus, I mean… are we really
going to hook up? We’re friends…”
I must be wearing my nerves and reservations all over my face, because
she shows me a patronizing smile.
“Avi…” She sighs, taking my hands in hers. “We’ll still be friends…
Rich friends.”
I can’t help but laugh. This chick is wild, I’m telling you.
“Okay, aside from that, you still need to find someone who will agree to
get naked on camera for a bunch of randos, while also keeping their mouth
shut about the whole thing. You and I are used to this by now… Shit, I’m still
getting used to it. But bringing someone else into the fold might get
complicated.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but we have the world’s biggest motivator…”
She rubs her fingers together in the international symbol for… “Money, baby.
People will do all kinds of things for money, including keeping their mouths
shut. Who knows? If this works out, we could start collaborating on the
regular…”
 “Yea, but who??” I ask again, because she seems to be counting her eggs
before they hatch.
Frankie stops to think for a second, her eyes darting across the room.
But before she can even suggest it, I snap, “Not Zeb.”
She laughs. “Why not?? You know he’d love to hook up with you…” She
cocks an eyebrow, and I’m pretending like hell that I don’t feel the flush
creeping up my neck.
“Yea, except that he has the biggest mouth in the entire world,” I mutter.
“Maybe not a bad thing.” She winks.
“Not the point,” I sigh. “Plus, he’s as gay as the day is long. He’s not
gonna go near your lady parts.”
“Okay, okay, fine. No Zeb.” Her head slants. “What about Micah?”
“Micah is straight,” I hum, and her gaze narrows.
“So are you…” Her lips curl, making her look even more evil, and now
I’m burning up under my clothes.
“Yea… No shit.” I clear my throat. “But I just mean, he’s not going to
want to… I don’t think he would…”
“You’re precious.” She runs her fingers through my hair before I smack
her hand away, and she chuckles. “Just because there are two guys, doesn’t
mean you need to hook up with each other. It could be more of a…
centralized effort.”
“Meaning, we’d cater to you,” I sneer.
She fakes fluffing her hair. “Exactly.” I have to laugh some more.
“Although, I think some of my fans would like to see it go down another
way…”
My mind is beginning to wander, wading through the waist-high waters
of what she’s suggesting. Yes, ever since I started my OnlyFans, I’ve been
pondering… contemplating the idea of maybe interacting sexually with a
member of my shared gender. But like with the account itself, I’ve felt the
need to warm up to it.
Maybe having a threesome with Frankie and another guy could do that…
Just being near another dude while fooling around might be the perfect
gateway to explore this newfound curiosity. To see if it’s even something I’d
enjoy. Who knows? Maybe seeing a dick that isn’t my own right next to me
in real life will be a turn-off, and then I could put this whole incessant
wondering thing to sleep on the couch.
“I can tell by the way you’re staring off into space that you’re considering
it, which I’ll take to mean you’re in.” Frankie’s raspy voice cuts into my
thoughts.
Giving up the tepid fight, I sigh and shrug. “Fine. I’m in.” She squeals
and jumps up and down, hugging onto me and shimmying us both around.
“But just this one time! I don’t want to ruin our amazing friendship by adding
sex and business, the two things that are known to ruin friendships.”
“Yes, yes. Fine.” She nods while releasing me, clearly trying to stifle her
zeal. “Totally. It’ll just be a fun, one-time thing to make us some serious cash
money, bay-bay!” she snickers while I roll my eyes, crushing my own smile.
“How are we going to locate a third member of this ridiculous little
excursion…?” I mumble hopelessly.
“Simple, my dear boy.” Frankie grins. “All we need to do is find someone
who needs money, and whose best interest would be in keeping this whole
thing a secret.”
“Oh, that’s all?” I grunt sarcastically.
“Trust me…” She pulls her vape out of her pocket, sucking in a drag, then
puffing candy-scented smoke in my face. “Around here? It’ll be easier than
you think.”
 little_ginger_sub7: I want to be an Oreo now. The best kind? Double-stuffed
diponchipzpls: Backwardz_Cap I have a leash, pls walk me like a dog

My first memory of being in a church was when my uncle Luke passed

away.
He’d been sick for a while… Testicular cancer. Of course, I didn’t know
much about it at the time, since I was only seven. But when he died, I
expected information. Information I didn’t get.
I think my parents considered sharing the details of his illness with us
kids to be improper. Children aren’t supposed to know the grim details of
how fucked up life can be. Apparently, all we needed to know was that he’d
been sick, and now he was gone.
His funeral was a spectacle. In the Catholic Church, especially in South
Boston, funerals are an opportunity to warn the still breathing. To make sure
we know that God has no problem smiting down whoever He wants, so while
you’re still here, you better give your confession, and take your penance with
an almost masochistic glee.
It’s God’s gift to us, after all… His forgiveness.
I remember being inside that large church on Washington Street for
hours, which, to a child my age, felt like days. All of the standing and sitting
and kneeling and praying… The Eucharist, the sanctification and
purification… All that smoke everywhere, the hymns. The rituals of it all I
got my fair share of in the years that followed. But this one moment in
particular, at my uncle’s funeral, I vividly remember the fear.
It was the first time that I actually feared God.
 Not only the scary priests with their serious, solemn faces, or my father
with his stern, judging eyes. I remember fearing that if I didn’t do exactly
what God wanted me to do, He would take my life, and I would end up lying
in a wooden box while people cried and knelt and prayed for absolution.
The whole thing seemed much less about my uncle and more about
making sure we understood the black and white of it. The good versus the
evil. Anything that didn’t serve to please God would bring punishment,
unless you confessed it. And I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of that
type of judgement.
I became terrified of making a mistake. Of accidentally slipping up, doing
something wrong and sinning in the eyes of the Father.
That fear is what led me through years of blind compliance. Attempting
to overcome it was the first actual mistake I made.
Sitting on a wooden bench in the locker room reminds me of sitting on
those hard, purposefully uncomfortable pews inside the Cathedral of the Holy
Cross. When I open my hands, I see the lines of my palms covered by the
rosary my father handed to me that day…
“Plead for salvation, Kyran… Loud enough that He can hear you.”
Closing my eyes, I squeeze them shut, clenching my hands into even
tighter fists. I grip so hard my fingertips dig into my palms… And then I
release them.
Releasing my fists slowly, I remember it slipping away…
“Hey…” A voice startles me, and my eyes shoot open, face springing in
the direction of the doorway.
It’s Avi, wandering slowly into the locker room, still half-dressed in his
mascot costume with only his head exposed. Even rolling my eyes at his
presence feels exhausting right now.
He takes a seat next to me on the bench, and I just shake my head. “What
do you want?”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I can feel his gaze on the side of my face,
but I’m not in the mood to look.
“I just figured I’d check on you…” he says.
I let out a tired breath. “Leave me alone, Avi.”
“It’s just one game, man,” he mumbles. “Five-and-one is still a great
record.”
“You don’t know shit about shit,” I grunt, raking my fingers through my
hair.
 I really don’t want to hear it right now. From anyone, but especially not
from him. He doesn’t understand how important football is to me, because
nothing is important to him. He doesn’t care hard enough about anything to
be devastated over a loss like this.
Tonight was the first game I played since finding out about my dad’s
business going under. And I just couldn’t get it out of my head…
For two weeks, I’ve been stressing the fuck out over being suddenly
broke. And I know, it makes me sound like such a whiny, privileged brat, but
I can’t help the way I was raised. We’ve never not had money. It’s like going
from a massive head-start in the race to being dropped smack-dab in the
middle with everyone else.
The insecurities I try so desperately to swallow down on a regular basis
were all suddenly climbing up my throat faster than projectile vomit.
Maybe I’m not special… Maybe I’m not good enough to lead this team to
the playoffs and get us a championship. Maybe everything I’ve ever had was
given to me out of circumstance. Being a rich white kid was the cushy
insulation, and after losing the rich part, I’m just another boring white boy in
Boston, struggling to show the world an image that doesn’t even exist.
Having an existential crisis is never convenient, but having one in the
middle of an important game against Georgia Tech was like the perfect storm
for a disastrous failure. No matter how loudly Coach screamed at me, or how
many looks Guty and the rest of the team gave me on the field, I just couldn’t
push past it…
The idea that I’m nothing but a fuck-up who’s been posing as an all-star
this whole time.
GT kicked our asses twenty-one to three, and even though no one said it
outright, I just know they’re all pissed at me. Our defense held out strong.
Really, everyone played great.
Everyone but me.
“I know that the Yellow Jackets are a great team,” Avi goes on, and my
teeth grind together. “I know there were a few bullshit calls, and I know you
guys did your absolute best. It’s one loss at the beginning of a stellar season,
Ky. Stop wallowing in it. That’s not your style.”
Tilting my face in his direction, I narrow my gaze. “What’s with the pep-
talk? We’re not friends…”
“Yea, no shit,” he sighs. “I just figured you could use it. This whole no
money thing definitely just smacked us both upside the head.”
 I sit in silence for a second, contemplating if I even want to keep talking
to him about anything. But again, I’m too tired to fight.
“There’s just so much riding on this now,” I mutter. “The scholarship
relies on me winning, and I was denied financial aid for housing because of
the assets my dad still has in his name. And to top it all off, the backwards-
ass rules state that if I’m not living on campus, I don’t qualify for the
scholarship at all. It’s completely ridiculous.”
Avi lets out a breath. “That is pretty fucking asinine…”
“So forgive me for not being in the mood to shoot the shit with you, bro.
But I kind of just want to be alone…” Standing up, I aggressively untuck my
jersey and pull it over my head, whipping it across the room.
For the first time since he sat down, I glance at Avi, our eyes locking as
he stares up at me. He’s not smiling, or smirking, which, for some reason,
makes me feel both better and worse at the same time. I can’t tell if he’s
pitying me, or if this situation is just so glum that he’s finally lost the will to
chuckle at the rest of the world like it’s all a big joke.
Breaking our eye contact before it starts to piss me off even more, I
remove my shoulder pads, dropping them onto the floor. Avi stands up while
I keep my gaze on my feet, kicking off my unlaced cleats.
“You should come to Frankie’s party tomorrow,” he says, causing my
eyes to spring back to his. “I’m not sure if you heard, but she’s having a huge
Halloween party at her new place in Brookline…” I shake my head, because
why would I care? “It’ll be a ton of fun, and I think we deserve to have some
fun, what with all this bullshit going on.”
“I’m sure you haven’t delayed your nonchalant, fun-loving stoner
lifestyle just because of all this…” I mutter.
“Good point.” He smirks, and I roll my eyes. “No, but seriously… I know
you don’t want to hang out with me or anything. But you should come by.
Take your mind off everything.”
I squint at him. It’s more than odd for him to be inviting me to his
friend’s party. But then Avi is a strange person, so who knows what he’s ever
going to do…
All the other Halloween parties will be on campus, which automatically
means they run the risk of being shut down by campus security if things get
too rowdy. Going to Brookline would guarantee a wilder night.
But then I’d have to spend it around my annoying stepbrother and his
oddball friends.
 I’m not really even in the headspace to think about a costume party right
now, so I simply shrug. “I probably won’t.”
“Well, I think you should.” He stands firm, placing his hands on his hips.
“In case you haven’t picked up on this in the years we’ve known each
other…” I lift my brows at him, “I don’t care what you think.”
“Pleasant as always, superstar.” He grins, turning to leave. But he pauses
and says, “Don’t forget to dress up!”
He struts away from me, and I call after him, “Take that stupid thing off.
You look like an idiot.”
“Can’t!” he shouts over his shoulder. “I’m not wearing anything
underneath.”
Shooting a wink at me, he swings out of the locker room, leaving me with
the lingering frustration of being near him.
Puffing a solemn breath, I shake my head. There’s absolutely no way I
can go to that party tomorrow. Unless someone wants to see a Michael
Myers-style murder happen IRL.

I’ve spent hours debating this decision. Enough that even as I’m shuffling off
the Green Line and up the block toward Frankie’s house, I’m still considering
turning around and going back.
There’s a Halloween party currently taking up our entire floor in the
dorms. Everyone pretty much just parties in the halls, wandering in and out of
rooms that are all fully stocked with booze and party favors, students dressed
in all kinds of costumes and celebrating what is by far the most fun holiday
when you’re our age.
When I left, Guty was dressed as Negan from The Walking Dead, and
insisting that I stay and get weird with him and our friends. And as much as I
do love hanging out with them, I just had to get away from my teammates for
the night. After the loss yesterday, I’m still not really in the mood to deal
with it. Not that I think they’d be giving me shit—not directly, anyway. But I
figured a change of scenery might be what I need right now.
Also, it’d be nice to avoid Lexi after I’ve spent all week dodging texts
from her about us dressing up in couple’s costumes.
So that’s it. Avoidance and denial—my bread and butter—are drawing
me to Avi’s friend’s house in Brookline for this Halloween party. And I have
just enough lackluster energy to walk up the steps and deliberately ignore all
of the bizarrely dressed partygoers I pass along the way.
You just have to numb yourself with alcohol until the party at the dorms
inevitably gets shut down. Then you can go home, crawl into bed, and feel
sorry for yourself alone.
The moment I step inside Frankie’s apartment, I’m regretting coming
here. The place is packed with people, all decked out in all manners of crazy
costumes, leaving me to feel even more insecure about mine. I didn’t have
the time, energy, or money to spend on a cool one, so I just grabbed the
cheapest thing I could find last minute—a black and yellow karate outfit from
Cobra Kai.
Not to mention that none of my friends are here, so there’s none of the
usual hype when I show up at parties where people actually care about
football to rely on. Still, I recognize a few faces, who shout “what’s up” at
me while I make a beeline to the nearest visible alcohol.
In the kitchen, I find a cooler stocked with cans of beer. Grabbing one, I
crack it open and chug the entire thing before even sparing a glance at
anyone. Dropping the empty on the counter, my eyes shift to someone I
recognize as one of Avi’s friends standing right next to me. Micah Torres.
He’s dressed in a black suit with fake blood and viscera splattered all over the
front, and on his face.
“Sup…” I grumble, cracking open another beer.
“Hey…” He looks around, like he’s expecting the rest of the football
team to come barging into the room to crash their party.
Taking a few large gulps from my second beer in less than one-minute, I
swallow and tilt my head. “Who are you supposed to be?”
He grins. “I’m the Secret Service agent who shot JFK by accident.”
Jesus Christ… I blink at him in silence for a few seconds before finishing
my beer.
“Hey! Look who showed up!”
The familiar voice grates on my nerves as it always does, and I close my
eyes for a moment. This was clearly a bad idea.
Avi stomps over to me, plucking the material of my shirt between his
fingers. I jerk away from him.
 “Billy Zabka?” He cocks a brow, grinning while looking me over. “Ahh,
Cobra Ky! That’s clever.”
“Yea, and who are you?” I take in his hair tied back, and the slightly
oversized suit with blood on the shirt, then nod in Micah’s direction. “The
guy sitting next to him who couldn’t find a tailor?”
Micah snorts while Avi purses his lips. “Uh, no. I’m Vincent Vega.” My
eyebrow cocks, and he gives me a look like I’m an idiot. “John Travolta from
Pulp Fiction.”
“I know who Vincent Vega is,” I mutter, choosing not to encourage him
by mentioning that Pulp Fiction just so happens to be one of my favorite
movies ever.
“Best fictional Vega.” He grins with pride.
“I guess… if you consider a heroin junkie who blows people’s brains out
by accident the best,” Micah scoffs, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“It was the nineties.” Avi shrugs, his head swinging left and right. “Plus,
my Mia Wallace is around here somewhere…” He spots someone across the
room and points. “Ah, there she is.”
I follow his eye line to where his friend Zeb is wearing a black bob wig
and a large white dress shirt with makeup running down his face and a needle
sticking out of his chest.
“Hey, Mia! That’s not coke, ya know!” Avi shouts, and Zeb turns around,
drawing a square in the air with his fingers.
Avi bursts out laughing. God, what a dork.
“I’m surprised to see you here, superstar,” Avi says to me, grabbing a
couple of solo cups and pouring liquor into them. “I definitely didn’t think
you’d show.”
“I’m just here for the booze.” I reach into the cooler for another beer.
“Well, in that spirit…” He hands me one of the cups, then lifts the other.
“Happy fucking Halloween.”
“Mhm.” I whip back the shot of whatever he just poured, not giving a
single fuck what it is. Could be arsenic for all I care.
As soon as I slap the cup down on the counter, he’s refilling it. My brows
zip together, wondering why he’s plying me with alcohol, but I don’t bother
to ask. I just want to get drunk enough to forget that I’m at a party with him
on purpose.
I take the second shot, chasing it with a third beer while people shout and
laugh, music thumping around us. There are people grinding together,
making out, doing drugs; girls and guys wearing some of the skimpiest
costumes I’ve ever seen, prancing around the place without a care in the
world.
It’s while I’m observing all of these surroundings that the host of the
party herself saunters over to us. And I have to do a double-take.
Frankie’s costume is insane. She’s half-devil, half-angel, with one side of
her body in white, gold, and light sparkles, and the other side in red and
black. She has an angel wing sprouting from her back on the right, and a
dark, ghoulish-looking one of the left. I can’t believe how elaborate the
costume is. The makeup is one thing, but she even has half of a halo above
her head on the right side, half of a golden bra-type thing, while her left
breast is covered only by a pasty in the shape of a pentagram.
“Hello, monsters.” She smirks, sliding her arm around Avi’s waist as she
peers up at me.
Avi gives her an affectionate look, and for a moment, I wonder to myself
if they’re hooking up. He’s been friends with her for years, and they’ve
always been very close. But I dispel the thought, because I don’t care who he
hooks up with, picking up my cup and tossing it back again with a wince.
“So lovely of you to join us, Kyran,” Frankie says, seductively. Or maybe
I’m just getting a buzz on already, who knows. “We don’t see enough of you,
ya know?”
Avi clears his throat, and my increasingly fuzzy gaze flits between the
two of them.
“You’d probably see more of me if you didn’t hang out with him so
much.” I lean in closer to her, nodding my head in Avi’s direction.
“He’s such a darling, isn’t he?” Avi rolls his eyes, reaching into his
pocket and stuffing a joint between his lips.
He lights it and takes a long drag, puffing out a cloud of pungent smoke
into the air before handing it to Frankie. She does the same, vibrant eyes
stuck on mine.
“You like the digs?” she asks me.
“You mean the place, or your costume?” I take another sip from
something. “’Cause they’re both pretty dope.”
Frankie is eyeing me in a way that feels sort of flirtatious, but I can’t be
sure if she’s actually flirting or if it’s just her personality. Avi leans in and
whispers something in her ear, seeming a bit tense with his smirk having
vanished. But Frankie shushes him, then holds out the joint for me.
 I shake my head. “Drug tests.”
“That sucks,” Avi grumbles, snatching the joint and smoking it himself.
“How about we give you the tour?” Frankie’s eyes sparkle, and she
shoots another look at Avi, who’s practically scowling.
I have no idea what’s going on between them, but with the warmth of my
rapid alcohol intake buzzing through my veins, I’m starting to think that
maybe she is flirting with me, and it’s making Avi jealous.
And so, for that reason only, I give her a charming grin and nod, allowing
her to take me by the arm. If pissing Avi off is a side-effect of me being here,
then maybe this party won’t be so bad.
Frankie shows me around her place, which is very nice. I’m surprised by
it, because I’ve never known her to be very wealthy, and there’s no
conceivable way this place isn’t costing at least a few thousand a month.
Brookline is absolutely not cheap, and I find myself wondering how she
could afford an apartment like this as a full-time student with no job—at least
not one that I’m aware of.
Maybe she came into an inheritance or something…
Either way, it’s none of my business. I’m just sipping from my cup while
she drags me all around, and the booze is working to dull my hyperawareness
because it takes me far too long to notice that she has Avi on her other arm.
Before I can break away to go mingle with someone who isn’t so attached to
my stepbrother, she yanks us both into her bedroom.
Avi meanders over to her bed and plops down like he owns the place,
stubbing his roach out in an ashtray on her nightstand. My bemused glare is
on him as he sprawls out, gazing up at the ceiling.
Okay… they’re definitely boning. Not that I care, but he seems to be
pretty comfortable in her bed.
“This is where the magic happens,” Frankie sighs, finally releasing my
arm and wandering through the open space of her bedroom.
“Magic.” Avi chuckles sarcastically, shaking his head.
“Alright, well… thanks for the tour.” I back up slowly. “But I’m gonna
go… anywhere but here.”
Before I can reach for the doorknob, Frankie steps up to me again and
takes my hand. “Kyran… There’s something I want to ask you. And before I
do, I just need to make sure you know to keep an open mind…”
Avi laughs, then mutters, “This is an epically bad idea…” He aims an
accusatory look at Frankie. “One of your worst.”
 “Shut up, please, Aviel,” she sings, then glances back at me.
“Why do I feel like I’m about to be kidnapped and sold into sex
slavery…” My eyes are wide as they move in between the two of them,
tension working into my buzz.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Avi scoffs, and Frankie holds her hand up to
him.
“Okay, so here’s the deal,” she starts; the angel-demon standing before
me. “I have a nice little hustle going on via a website you may have heard of
called OnlyFans…”
Oh God, here we go…
“My standard content is just me alone, but recently my fans have been
asking for me to collab. More specifically, they want to see me with two
guys. And I figured, since you’re, ya know… beautiful and all… maybe you
might be interested—”
“I’m gonna stop you right there.” I snatch my hand away from her. “If
what you’re suggesting has anything at all to do with the three of us in this
room, I’m afraid I’ll have to politely decline.”
“Told you,” Avi mutters while throwing a hacky sack up into the air and
catching it over and over.
Wait… what?? I step forward, glaring at him. “You knew she was going
to ask this?? What kind of freak are you?!”
“Alright, let’s just chill out.” Frankie rests her palm on my chest while
Avi makes a motion in the air with his hand as if to say, See? Do you see how
unreasonable he is?
“No, wait. You invited me to this party because you wanted me to have a
threesome with you and your girlfriend??” I cackle at him incredulously.
Avi freezes, his eyes flinging in my direction as he sits up fast. “Excuse
me… Girlfriend??”
Frankie snorts. “No, no. No girlfriend.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” he repeats with conviction, and I roll my eyes.
“Okay, sorry. Hook-up friend… Whatever. Same thing.”
“No. Also false.” Avi scoots off the bed. “We’ve never hooked up before.
This is just one of Frankie’s elaborate schemes she’s concocted to make
money. And while I have to give it to her…” He peeks at Frankie and faux
claps. “Brava. You tried. And I hate to say I told you so, but… Oh, wait.
No… I love saying it. I freaking told you so! There’s absolutely no way this
asshole would ever even entertain the idea of a threesome where I’m one-
third, just like I really have no desire to witness whatever his idea of hooking
up is.”
I’m utterly stunned right now. There’s so much to unpack in this
situation, my head is wobbling.
“Fine, Avi…” Frankie rasps petulantly. “You made your point. I just
figured if there’s anyone we know who needs fast cash…”
“What do you mean, fast cash?” I ask with bewilderment taking over my
tone. “What kind of money would be involved in having a threesome with
you and my idiot stepbrother??”
“Um, fuck you very much,” Avi grunts.
“Well, I’d be recording the video for my OnlyFans,” Frankie explains
calmly. “Selling it to viewers at a price… So naturally, I’d split the profits
with my collaborators.” She slopes her head.
My eyes shift to Avi once more. “Is that why you were going along with
this? For the money?”
He nods, losing a bit of the animosity as his chin drops and he stares at
the floor. “I need to come up with like ten grand to stay in school.”
The mood quickly shifts to one much more serious, the weight of Avi’s
and my situation clearly sitting heavily on both of our shoulders.
But still, I have to scoff. I have to. “There is no way in hell I would—”
“Yea.” Avi cuts me off, squinting at my face. “We heard you the first
time.”
“Hey.” Frankie grabs Avi’s hand and squeezes it. Then she shoots me a
sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry about it. It was just a stupid idea. Forget I
said anything.”
Shaking my head, I turn toward the door, ready to leave the dumb-as-fuck
proposal in this room and never look back. But something stops me.
I’m not sure if it’s just because I’m cruising down the pretty-drunk
expressway, or the insecurities from my loss yesterday, or if I’m really just
that fucking terrified of losing everything I’ve been working towards and
being forced to move back home…
But as I stand, paused in front of the door, my mouth can’t stop from
asking quietly, “How much do you think we would make…?” Peeking at
Frankie over my shoulder, I add, “Hypothetically, of course.”
Her lips twitch. “Hypothetically…? Probably at least two grand each,
maybe more.”
My lashes flutter in a rapid blinking that must not be disguising the dollar
signs in my eyes, because she steps over to me and places her hand on my
shoulder. “And that’s just the beginning.”
I turn around slowly, my hesitations being slowly swallowed up as I
visualize that glorious much-needed money.
“What does that mean?” I ask Frankie, forcing myself not to look at Avi. I
refuse to see whatever way he’s reacting to the fact that a teeny, weeny sliver
of me is actually considering this.
“The more I promote it, the more people pay for it.” Frankie shrugs.
I shake my head in protest. “I really don’t even see how I could…”
My eyes find Avi, even though I don’t want to. He’s just standing there,
looking particularly shocked at how this conversation is progressing.
“I’m not into dudes,” I growl at him, and he huffs.
“Yea, asshole, neither am I.” He folds his arms over his chest. “Especially
not ones like you.”
I step closer to him. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean??”
“Alright, alright, Jesus!” Frankie steps between us again. “Seriously, I’m
loving the tension here, but you two know you can have a threesome without
actually hooking up with each other, right?”
“This is too fucking weird.” I shake my head, backing off while I fist my
hair. “He’s my fucking stepbrother. I just don’t see how it could work…”
“Well, no one’s forcing you, superstar,” Avi hums. “It’s fine. Just go back
to your boring old sex life with cookie cutter cheerleaders, and we’ll find
someone who’s adventurous enough to help us make bank.”
My jaw ticks, anger and frustration burning in my gut like the liquor I’ve
been downing since I got here. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.
You don’t know shit about my sex life.”
Avi simply smirks at me, like he does, and whispers, “Then what are you
so afraid of?” He inches in closer. “Worried you might see my dick and feel
compelled to—”
“Fuck off, Avi,” I snarl. “Or I’ll record my own video of me beating you
into the ground and sell it to World Star.”
As usual, he doesn’t back down, and it has me raging like a goddamn
hurricane inside.
“Just think about all that money you’re giving up because you’re too
scared to throw down with me in the room…” His grin widens.
“I’m not scared of shit,” I hiss. “I just don’t want you trying to touch me
like the creepy little pervert you are.”
 “This is already so hot,” Frankie whispers. “Do you mind if I record the
build-up for bonus content?”
I shoot a seething glare in her direction. My mind is telling me to run out
of this room as fast as possible. Get the fuck away from this situation and
find some other way to make the money I need.
But when I take a breath and actually think about it… I know that shy of
selling drugs or theft, there’s no immediate way to get this kind of cash this
fast that doesn’t require doing something sexual you might not want to do.
So with my mind on the money and the money on my mind, I grit my
teeth and sigh, “I’m gonna go get shit-faced. We’ll meet back here when I’m
so drunk I can barely process what the fuck I’m doing.”
And then I storm out of the room, on a mission to locate enough booze to
get me through this nightmare.
Anyone know where I can find an Olympic-size pool filled with SoCo?
 BalsamicVin23: foot pics? Will pay.
TaintedLove: Fill me like a Twinkie Daddy
Your_Dirty_Kitty: I need your naked bodies more than I need oxygen rn

On the edge. I’m standing, balancing, on a ledge of rampant nerves,

preparing to step off and plummet into holy fuck, what am I doing?!
I’m usually a pretty chill dude. I mean, I certainly smoke enough weed to
consider myself a card-carrying member of the Bob Marley, don’t worry, be
happy club. Sure, I get stressed and anxious—who doesn’t? But that’s what
the weed is for. Outside of that, awkwardness, especially as it pertains to
giving a shit what people think of me, or worrying about how they’re going
to react to the things I do, just isn’t something I give much thought to.
However, this… This is a very different situation.
This is a threesome with my best friend and my uptight stepbrother who
hates me. So forgive me for losing my cool just the tiniest bit. I’m sure if I
wasn’t six shots and three joints deep, I’d be freaking the fuck out. Instead,
I’m just kind of… unnerved.
After Kyran left the room, having alerted us that he would, in fact, return
for us to commence this ill-conceived gambit to make money, Frankie and I
smoked a little more in her room, discussing how ludicrous it was that he said
yes. Then we rejoined the rest of the party, ripped a few more shots with
Micah and Zeb, and purposely stayed as far away from Kyran as possible.
Naturally, no one else knows what we’re about to do. The point of this
whole thing is to keep it hush-hush, so Frankie agreed not to even tell Bea,
the only one out of our group who knows about the whole OnlyFans thing.
 It’s been a couple of hours, and while I’m trying my hardest not to even
glance in Kyran’s direction, I can’t help but notice him any time he
resurfaces. He’s been drinking heavily, though you’d never know it because
apparently the dude can camouflage like no one’s business, which I suppose
is a good thing, as it pertains to our secret endeavor. I’ve always assumed
he’s good at bottling things up, being that he spends ninety-nine percent of
the interactions I’ve had with him brooding. He just seems like the kind of
guy no one really knows… Who would never dare let the outside world in on
what’s really happening beneath his surface.
It has me briefly wondering what he could be hiding… But then I shut it
down, and remember that we’re not pals, and I don’t care what kinds of
secrets he has, as long as he stays good at keeping them.
I have no intention of telling him about my OnlyFans, because he already
judges me enough as it is. It’s bad enough I’m going to be doing this with
him, of all people…
He certainly wasn’t my first choice, not by a long shot.
Inviting Kyran to the party had nothing to do with the threesome. I was
just genuinely feeling bad for him, seeing how mopey he was after losing the
game. I know I must be an idiot, because I always find myself in situations
where I’m the one reaching out, trying to keep the peace with him, and he
continually wants no part of it. But I can’t seem to help myself. He’s my
stepbrother, and even though he appears to be Mr. Popularity, I can’t help but
feel like it is all an act, and in reality, he’s actually very lonely.
I’d never say that to him, though, because he’d just freak out and threaten
to kick my ass again. So I extended an invite to the party as yet another olive
branch, mainly because I really didn’t expect him to show up.
But when he did, Frankie presented me with her brilliant idea, which is
more like the worst idea in the history of threesomes. Naturally, I was more
than a little skeptical. Still am. Because despite the fact that he somehow,
against all logic, actually agreed to this, I’m nowhere near foolish enough to
think it’ll go off without a hitch.
It’s common knowledge that Kyran hates my guts. Not that I’m his
biggest fan either, but he actively wants to choke me to death half the time,
and I still haven’t pinpointed exactly why.
Well, I’m sure after tonight, there will be one more reason to add to his
list.
When I decide I just can’t drink and wait anymore, I follow Frankie into
her bedroom to question my sanity in private. I’m wearing a hole in the fuzzy
pink rug in the middle of her bedroom as she pulls a small vial out of her
panties.
Dumping a tiny bump of something onto her hand, she snorts it back
before holding it up to me. “Want some?”
My brows lift. “Molly?” She nods. “No thanks. I don’t think it will
help…”
“Trust me, it will,” she sighs.
“No. It won’t.” I shake my head, continuing my pacing. “He fucking
despises me, Frankie. I need to keep a clear head in case he tries to kick my
ass.”
“You really need to relax.” She plops down on her bed, then flops onto
her back. “He’s uptight enough for the three of us. I can’t have you tensing
up too. It’ll ruin the whole vibe.”
“Vibe?? Kyran doesn’t vibe with me…” I mutter, stopping to glare at her.
“Unless your idea of vibing is threatening to murder someone all the livelong
day.”
She shrugs. “Whatever. At this point, I feel like my fans will pay extra
just to watch you guys arguing. The tension between you is insane… When
he’s glaring at you, nostrils all flaring, muscles flexing… I’m on pins and
needles, just itching for him to kiss you.”
She bursts into a fit of giggles while my face scrunches at her like she’s
more than a few screws loose.
“He doesn’t want to kiss me, he wants to kill me,” I grunt, brushing
strands of hair away from my face.
“Okay, well, the line between those two desires is pretty freaking thin,
loverboy.”
Blinking at her for a moment, I scoff, then shake my head. She doesn’t
know what she’s talking about. Kyran is as straight as they come, and I’m
positive the endless frustration I seem to spurn in him is based solely on the
fact that he thinks he’s better than me. Kissing has nothing to do with it.
Pushing these thoughts away, I stagger over to the bed and kneel down
next to Frankie. I need to focus on the task at hand; making this video as
believable as possible for the fans, so we can make as much money as
possible without having to worry about doing it again. Because I’m certain,
especially where Kyran is concerned, this will be the first, last, and only time
this happens.
 Leaning over Frankie, I grasp her by the jaw and lower my lips to hers,
pressing a gentle yet thorough kiss on her mouth. Just to see how it feels, set
the mood, and I guess distract myself from the other party, who will soon be
showing up and making everything a million times more stressful.
I go to pull back, but Frankie threads her fingers through my hair, keeping
my lips on hers as she kisses me back, slipping her tongue into my mouth.
She tastes fruity, and her tongue is warm and slippery as it brushes mine.
Easing into it, we sort of fall into making out, and while it definitely feels
good, I’m vaguely aware that she’s my best friend, and this needs to be
strictly professional, so as not to ruin what we have together.
A throat clears, distracting us from sucking face, and we both pull apart,
breathless and aiming hooded gazes at the doorway.
“Starting without me?” Kyran grumbles, closing and locking the door
behind him.
He stands firmly planted in front of it, crossing his arms over his chest,
eyes dark and intense. Not a single shadow of anticipation on his face, which
just proves my point.
This is going to be just awful.
I sit back on the bed while Frankie slithers off, making her way over to
the tripod.
“Okay, ground rules. First off, this is about money, not feelings,” she
announces. “Just think about all the yummy cash we’ll be making, and it’ll
help your cause, I promise. Second, you need to sell it.” She sets up her video
camera, peeking at Kyran. “Do you think pornstars actually like each other?
No. They’re acting. We’re all aware that you two aren’t besties. Get over it.”
My eyes flit to Kyran, and his meet mine. His jaw is visibly tight, and I
lift my brows at him, to which he rolls his eyes.
Yea, motherfucker. Calm down. This is just business.
“I’ll be blurring faces, so don’t worry about that,” Frankie goes on. “And
as far as what we can do… nothing is off limits for me. I’m good with
everything.”
Kyran and I continue to hold one another’s eyes, both refusing to back
down, which is how it seems to always go with us.
Finally, he murmurs, to me, “Just don’t touch me if you want to keep
breathing.”
“Aww, but how will I restrain myself??” I croon sarcastically while he
seethes.
 “Okay, then. And lastly…” Frankie ignores our boundless bickering as
she double-checks the position of the camera before turning to us and
smiling. “Let’s have fun!” She motions to the bed. “The view will be from
there to there, so try not to leave the area. Avi, will you get the lights,
please?”
Exhaling out my remaining hesitations, I get up and switch on the
overhead lights, using the dimmer to get it low enough to set the mood, but
also bright enough that the quality will work. Then I switch off the bedside
lamp as Frankie turns on the ring light.
The whole time we’re messing with the lighting and Frankie is setting up
to record, Kyran is just standing by the door, awkwardly shifting his weight
like he hasn’t the slightest clue what to do with his body. Just seeing how
tense he is reinforces how insufferable he’s most definitely going to be this
entire time.
I wish he would do some drugs. Damn, he clearly needs it.
Getting things started, I kick off my shoes, then remove my jacket and tie.
“Kyran,” Frankie says his name, and his face jumps in her direction, as if
she startled him out of some troublesome overthinking. She flicks her hand
toward the bed. “Come now. We don’t have all night.”
He breathes roughly, tiptoeing closer. “This is fucked…”
“Get over it, superstar.” I unbutton my shirt. “It’s happening. Channel
your horrendous attitude into at least acting like you’re fun.”
“I am fun.” He scowls, removing his headband and tossing it onto the
floor. “But I honestly think taking my clothes off in front of you sounds like a
waking nightmare.”
“Hm. Interesting.” I shrug out of my dress shirt.
His eyes do a very quick drop over my shirtless torso before coming back
up to mine. Then he tugs his shirt over his head.
I’m not going to look at his body, because I already know it’s
immaculately chiseled into exactly what you’d expect from a football player
who spends exorbitant amounts of time working out. But I’m highly satisfied
with the tiny glint of surprise I catch in his eyes when he sees how defined I
am.
Maybe it’s a generally accepted stereotype that artsy emo nerds like
myself don’t have six-packs and carefully sculpted pectorals… and that’s
exactly why I enjoy working out as much as I do.
I like proving people wrong, and we all know how much I adore being
different. So when the haters expect me to whip off my shirt and reveal a
scrawny torso scattered with careless ink, but they instead find me ripped as
hell, draped in intricate, artistic tattoos… I can’t help but feel smug.
That’s right, Number Nine. My body is bangin’ too.
“Scared yet?” I smirk at Kyran, to which he hits me with his signature
scowl.
“If you keep running your mouth, there’s no way I’ll be able to get hard.”
Unbuckling my belt, I open my pants and leave them that way, tilting my
head at him. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Ky. A lot of men suffer from
erectile dysfunction. I mean, not men your age, but—”
“Shut the fuck up, Avi,” he growls, inching in closer to my face.
Frankie steps over to the bed, grinning. “Yes, this is great. Build the
hostility… Fuel that hatred.”
Kyran’s eyes slink over to her, then back to me, and I witness him
swallow. I can tell he doesn’t really know how we’re supposed to start this,
and truthfully, neither do I. So I move away from him, putting Frankie in
between us like a buffer. She takes the lead, running her hands up his chest,
slowly, reaching for his face.
He’s visibly stiff, clearly nervous and trying to act like he’s not. But he
allows Frankie to yank his mouth to hers, and they start kissing.
Alright… So I guess we’re off to the races.
Frankie shoves Kyran into a seated position on the bed, then straddles his
lap, kissing him while slightly turning so the camera can capture as much as
possible. Moving behind her, I kiss her neck and run my hands down her
sides to her ass. Unfortunately, Kyran must have had the same idea, because
his hands are already there, and I end up covering his with mine.
We both flinch, and I jerk my hands away fast while he rumbles into
Frankie’s mouth, obviously wanting to complain about me touching him by
accident. Thankfully, she doesn’t give him any leeway to do so, and I
appreciate her for it.
She crawls over Kyran even more until he’s reclining on the bed while
simultaneously kicking off his shoes. Kneeling behind her, I’m trying like
hell to avoid his stupid long legs. I reach for her ass, cupping it in my hands
and pushing her down on him, helping her grind on him.
Right off the bat, it’s weird, and annoying, being close to him like this
while struggling not to touch him at all. The only thing in between us is
Frankie, and hopefully she can absorb all of his hostility toward me, maybe
even somehow subdue him into calming the fuck down a little.
Immediately, I notice how he submits to her. I would’ve assumed he’d be
trying to regain control, but he doesn’t seem interested in that at all. He’s just
lying back and letting her make out with him, his hands resting almost
timidly on her waist. Eventually, she grabs his hands and shoves them onto
her tits, at which point a little huff of a sound escapes him.
It’s kind of interesting. Maybe he’s just nervous because he’s hyper
focused on the camera recording us, or maybe it’s because I’m here… But he
seems unexpectedly shaky.
I know for a fact he’s been hooking up with girls since high school, but
maybe I struck a nerve before with my taunting him earlier because it’s true.
Maybe he really hasn’t done anything even remotely exciting in the bedroom,
and now he’s just diving head-first into a threesome with his stepbrother and
one of the most sexually adventurous girls I know.
Oh, boy… If that’s true, he’s in for it.
Leaning over Frankie’s back, I resume kissing her shoulders, wrapping
her hair around my fist and pushing my crotch into her ass. I won’t lie, it’s a
little strange to be doing this with my best friend, but I also happen to know
how casual she is when it comes to hooking up. And if Bea and I could fool
around and remain friends, then I have to hold out that the same can be said
for Frankie and me.
My dick is growing, from the hormones in the air and the friction of
Frankie’s ass writhing against it. And when I’m sure she can feel its rigidity
jamming between her cheeks through my pants and the skimpy material of
her costume, she lets out a breathy moan in between her rampant sucking of
Kyran’s lips.
Gazing down, I catch him glaring up at me, shooting me with a fiery look
that both locks me in unease and sets off a need inside me to continue fucking
with him. It’s so easy to piss him off, it’s barely even a challenge. And while
I know I should just leave him alone, I hate backing down, especially to
preppy dickheads like him. If he can dish it out, then he needs to be able to
take it.
So in that spirit, I allow my hand to accidentally slip off of Frankie’s hips
and onto his.
This time, he whips his mouth away from hers and growls, “Stop.”
“Oops… My hand slipped.” I restrain my smirk while yanking Frankie’s
head back and turning her face so I can kiss her.
 I can feel him seething, but I focus on sucking her mouth, teasing her
tongue while her hand moves to rub my dick over my pants. It feels good,
and when my eyes subtly creep open, I catch sight of her doing the same to
Kyran with her other hand.
With my left hand, I slip between her thighs from behind to touch her
pussy. And I feel fingers. Kyran’s finger.
He tries to slap my hand away. So I slap his hand away.
“I was here first,” he grunts.
“Yea, but I’m better at it.”
“Boys…” Frankie huffs on my lips, then rolls out from in between us,
flopping onto her back on the bed next to Kyran. “You can both finger me at
the same time.”
“No fucking way,” he hisses.
I squint at him in frustration. And then we both notice that since she’s
moved away, I’m kneeling over his thigh with our hands touching, and
there’s no girl in the middle to keep us apart.
Kyran yanks his hand away from me, scooting back and whipping his leg,
probably to make it seem less like I’m on top of him. But when he does, he
knees me in the balls, and I groan in pain, cupping my nuts for dear life.
“Fuck you, dick!” I crumple onto my side. It wasn’t all that hard of a hit,
but still. Sensitive area.
“Serves you right,” he breathes, propping himself up on his elbows. “I
told you to stay away from me.”
“Yea, well… personal bubbles don’t really work in threesomes,
dumbass.”
Straightening, I move over Frankie, who’s grinning up a storm like this is
the funniest thing ever. I grab her by the thighs, hauling her closer while she
squeals.
Delighted giggles flee her lips as I lower my face to her tits, kissing all
over them, removing bits of her costume to expose them fully. My eyes shift,
and I watch her rubbing Kyran’s crotch, reaching inside his pants. He still
seems tense as fuck, but his eyes flutter shut when she starts stroking him
from inside. Head tipping back, his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat when he
swallows. And I can’t seem to take my eyes off the sight, even with Frankie’s
perky handful of tits in my mouth.
Kyran’s lips are parted as little breaths leave them. My gaze slides over
his chest while it moves up and down, the curves of his muscles looking so
smooth and contoured… Complexion creamy and a little flushed.
Shaking myself out of it, I close my eyes and focus on what I’m doing,
sucking Frankie’s nipple between my lips. Then I slip my fingers into the
waistband of her shorts, swooping them down her legs and tossing them
across the room.
Moving with the mood, I kiss a line down her stomach, pushing her legs
apart and positioning my face in front of her pussy. I take in a breath to
steady my racing pulse before extending my tongue to give her clit a nice
lick. She purrs, so I do it again, licking and licking until I feel fingers by my
face. My eyes crack open, watching her moving Kyran’s hand down to where
I’m currently sinking my tongue inside her. And I have no idea what
possesses me to do so, but I wrap my lips around one of his fingers for a
quick suck before he yanks it away.
This time, I can’t help the devious chuckle rumbling in my chest.
“Fuck off, weirdo,” he snarls, rather breathlessly, I might add.
“Sorry… My tongue slipped.” I steady myself with a hand on his thigh,
which, of course, he also jerks away from.
“Stop fucking touching me,” he snarls as Frankie pushes his fingers onto
her clit.
He takes over and starts rubbing her, then stuffs two fingers inside her,
causing her to gasp. My eyes are locked on the sight of Kyran’s long fingers
pumping in and out while my mouth inches closer, attempting to maneuver
around them in order to lick her clit. It’s difficult, and every now and again,
my lips or tongue will touch his fingers, completely by accident.
“Don’t lick me, Avi,” Kyran threatens. “Or I’ll rip your tongue off.”
“Mmm… that’s it. Talk dirty to me,” I tease.
He makes it way too easy.
Kyran growls, his movements slowing. “I’m gonna fucking murder you.”
“Kyran…” Frankie hums calmly, trying to distract him again.
I peer up as she takes his jaw in her hand, tugging him into some more
kissing. Licking and sucking on her pussy, I stare at their mouths while they
move together, my tongue occasionally grazing Kyran’s fingers. But this
time, he doesn’t say anything. He seems to be quivering, and it’s hypnotizing
me again.
Those timid movements… It’s amazing how someone so brooding and
vicious can turn so submissive. I think he’s way too tightly wound… in need
of a thunderous release.
 Stopping that train of thought, I force my focus to remain on Frankie’s
pussy. Until I feel her pushing Kyran’s head down to join me.
It’s clear she wants us both to eat her out at the same time, but I don’t see
how that will work for my stepbrother. Our mouths would be way too close
together. Still, he allows her to move him, sinking his way down, to her tits
first, but only for a second, until he’s joining me between her parted thighs.
Kyran peeks at me, watching while I suck on Frankie’s clit. Then I stop
and inch away, lifting my brows at him. He looks hesitant, and combative,
which surprises no one.
“Let’s see who eats better,” Frankie goads us with a grin. “A little healthy
competition.”
I glance up at her and she winks. Clever little minx… She knows Kyran
won’t be able to pass up a shot at proving he’s the best at something.
Still, he doesn’t seem determined. He’s clearly unsure, pausing to chew
on his lower lip. And when our eyes meet, up close, I can really see that
burning intensity in his irises as a woven hazel. Mossy green, swirled up with
the light bronze, holds me still for a second, until he breaks the contact to
ease his mouth onto Frankie’s pussy.
He licks at her slowly, nervously, captivating me with how utterly
different he seems right now. Like he’s never really done this before, which
can’t possibly be true. His tongue slides over her slit for just a second, then
comes back up to her clit, where he flutters it tentatively.
Choosing to help him out a little, although I know it’s probably a death
sentence, I wedge my face in and lap the slit of her pussy. Our jaws bump
when I do, and he hums.
“Too close,” he breathes, and I roll my eyes.
“Fuck off.” I lick her harder.
This time, my tongue touches his lip, and he reaches for my throat,
curling his hand around it to hold me back.
“Choke me, Daddy,” I taunt, smirking while he pins me with an icy look.
“Cut the shit, fuckface,” he snaps, letting go of me.
But our faces are so close together, the warmth of his breath dances on
my lips. Sliding my tongue over my lower like a reflex catches his eyes. And
for the briefest of split seconds, the orbs of green and gold fall to my mouth.
It’s nothing more than a flash, but still. It happened.
“I saw that,” I whisper in a mocking fashion. But I can’t deny that my
voice is a little raspier than usual. Call it a symptom of this situation.
 “Fuck you,” Kyran seethes, giving up on the eating to use his fingers
instead.
He swipes his thumb over Frankie’s clit, then slides a slow digit inside
her.
“I see your finger… and I raise you two.” I push two of mine inside with
his.
Our hands are literally flush, palms together, fingering her pussy while
our eyes remain locked, stubborn meets spiteful. Frankie is falling apart at the
sensation, writhing against our joined hands while we war against one
another, using her body as some kind of pawn in our aggressive, oddly sexual
feud.
“She likes what I’m doing better,” he rumbles, inches from my face.
“You wish.” I use my other hand to reach into my pants and adjust my
erection, because it’s confusingly stiff and aching right now.
“Don’t you dare jerk off in front of me.” His voice cracks subtly with his
words, tickling something in the pit of my stomach…
Something very inconvenient that I don’t at all understand.
“I’ll jerk off whenever I damn well please,” I growl at him, fisting my
cock.
“The fuck you will.” He reaches for my wrist, trying to pull it away, like
he’s actually going to stop me from jerking my dick off. It’s insane.
But my hand is still around my cock, so it’s more like he’s just… moving
it for me.
“You’re making it harder…” I squint at him, lips quirking.
“You’re such a fucking queer.” His chest is really heaving now, words
coming out all hoarse and uneven.
Inching my face until the tips of our noses are almost touching, I whisper,
“But you’re the one jerking my dick off right now.”
His jaw is set tight, ticking visibly. “Not my hand.”
“Might as well be.” I shrug.
Frankie’s legs stiffen as her pussy clenches on our fingers. But we’re too
busy arguing to even notice. Kyran lets go of my wrist, and I rest my head on
Frankie’s thigh, eyes dropping shut for a moment at the sensation of stroking
my cock surrounded by the pulsing heat of all this tension.
I have no idea why this feels so good, but I can’t deny that it does. And
when I reopen my eyes, I catch Kyran watching my hand move inside my
pants.
 “Are you hard?” I whisper, and they spring back up to mine.
“Fuck no,” he hisses.
I peek down at his pants. The material is doing nothing to hide his visible
erection. “Liar.”
He covers it with his hand. “Don’t look at my cock, fucking pervert.”
“Why… is it small?” I bite my lip.
“No.” His gaze narrows, and he leans in closer. “It’s big.”
“Prove it,” I hum, shocking myself with those abrupt words.
What the fuck am I doing??
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
His voice is ragged as he palms himself over his pants, face all flushed,
pink in his cheeks, pupils dilated. Our hands are slippery wet from Frankie’s
arousal, palms sliding together while we work on her pussy, paying zero
attention to her and just fully wrapped up in whatever this charged battle of
aggression is that’s incinerating between us. It’s fucking crazy, but my head
is all cloudy and I can’t even think.
“You’re so close to me, Kyran…” I speak in frayed breaths. “If I come,
it’ll get all over you.”
“If you come on me, I’ll rip your dick off your body,” he growls.
God, something about this sparring is winding me up like a rubber band.
I’m burning alive inside my skin, and heat is pouring off his body in waves.
At the feel of weight, my hazy gaze dips, and I find his leg slung over
mine.
I don’t even think he notices he’s doing it. But now that I’m paying
attention, I catch his hips moving, as if subtly chasing some kind of sensation
he’s not getting because he, unlike me, isn’t jerking off.
And some strange, twisted thing in my brain wishes that he was.
I’m so fucked. This is all fucked…
“So you are scared…” I whisper to him, with my lashes fluttering.
He makes a low, rumbling noise, biting down on his lower lip. It thumps
my balls in a heavy throb. My hips inch toward his…
But before I can get wherever it is I was trying to go, Frankie whines,
then gasps out loud. “Oh my God, holy fuck, I’m coming!”
Her hand flies down, gripping onto both of our wrists at once, holding us
for dear life as he comes all over our joined hands, mumbling, “I’m coming,
I’m coming, I’m fucking coming…” On repeat.
Kyran’s mouth is so close to mine, it’s like I’m breathing his breaths;
inhaling his exhales. I feel his lips shivering. I feel his pulse pumping like it’s
my own.
It’s so intense that I think I could literally come myself at any moment.
But then Frankie releases our wrists, and melts into a sated puddle on the
bed. And the second she does, Kyran pulls his fingers out of her, and
wrenches himself away from me.
The spell breaks fast, snapping me back to reality. Blinking hard, I take
my hand back, releasing my cock and sitting up slowly. Dazed, I clear my
throat, watching Kyran as he jumps off the bed like it’s on fire, turning away
from us.
My head cocks, wondering why he’s acting all fidgety and bizarre. I
mean, I know that was intense, but he literally won’t even look at us.
Franke sits up on her elbows, grinning and patting my hair. “That was
fucking wild.” Her head slants in Kyran’s direction. “You want me to get you
boys off now?”
“No,” Kyran barks hoarsely, grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his
head. “I’m gonna take off.”
Sloping my legs off the bed, I’m just shaking my head. I should’ve
known he’d act like a whacko as soon as this was over. I stand up, glancing
down at my erection, which is still rigid as hell and pushing against the front
of my pants.
“You mean you don’t wanna give me a hand with this?” I tease him, and
Frankie giggles.
Kyran turns, finally facing me, and of course he looks livid. But that’s not
what I’m paying attention to.
I think there’s a wet spot on his pants…
My lips part, but nothing comes out. I’m just stunned into silence. When
my eyes slide back up to his face, he’s beet red, grinding his teeth in a rage.
His hands drop in an attempt to cover what is obviously the result of him
coming in his pants, then he stomps toward the door.
“We never breathe a word of this,” he demands, shoulders visibly tight
with his back to us. He reaches for the door, glancing at Frankie one last
time. “The money…”
Frankie looks just as baffled as I feel as she nods and clears her throat.
“Yea… I’ll Venmo you.”
He nods, turning away again and mumbling, “Cool. Thanks…”
Then he slinks out the door, and he’s gone.
 Frankie and I share a look. And in synch, our faces slowly turn to the
camera.
Well, alrighty then.
 redhot32: I want u both to WRECK me while I worship u from ur head to ur toes.
GoldieCucks: Tie me up like granny’s knitted blanket

Three-grand.
I made three thousand fucking dollars from that one video Frankie
recorded, of the lamest, most idiotic threesome ever. And let me remind you,
that’s three-grand for each of us… Meaning that disastrous excuse for
content actually made almost ten thousand dollars.
I’ve been stopping to laugh about it on occasion over the past week since
it happened. I just find it all so completely absurd. And also, kind of
fascinating. At the rate I’m going, I’ll have my tuition and housing paid for in
no time. But if we’re being honest, I’m barely even thinking about that
anymore.
I absolutely hate to admit it, but this whole thing has me on the hook. For
as much as I love to bash social media-based consumerism—it’s my thing;
fuck the man, capitalism, the evil one-percent, all that shit—the ability to
make this kind of money, so fast, and by doing something so simple, has me
fully mesmerized. I can totally see how people become addicted to this…
Money is very much the root of all evils. Because it’s power. Money, sex,
fame, power… Control. They’re like drugs. Preying on the weakest parts of
your condition.
And I’m no better. Because I’ve been falling right into its trap, reading
the comments and the DMs from fans with an almost salivating captivation.
I feel like such an attention whore. They like me! They really, really like
me!
 Bleh. Since when do I even care??
Apparently, I do, without reason or remorse.
I ended up sharing the video Frankie made on my own OnlyFans account,
and now I’m looking at hundreds of subscribers, tons of whom are messaging
me on the daily asking for more.
To be specific, more of me and Kyran. Or the hot grouchy blonde, as they
tend to call him.
It’s Saturday evening, and I’ve taken a break from smoking and sketching
to check my phone, only to find hundreds more comments on the teaser I
shared on Twitter, and dozens more DMs in my OF inbox.
Charlie421: Any plans to ditch the girl?? I would pay good money to watch just
the two of you…
SBA2234: I need more of you and that dude alone! *Six fire emojis*
WillytheKid: The tension I stg. Pleaseee a collab just you n the guy??!?
ItsJavier33: Muy caliente mi guapo! So sexy you boys together *heart on fire
emoji*
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I have dudes offering to pay
hundreds for private videos, detailing all kinds of crazy things they want me
to do… with my stepbrother. It’s fucking insane.
Of course, they don’t know that he’s my stepbrother… A fact that would
probably have them offering even more money. I get a sense these homies
are down with the forbidden.
But unfortunately for them, it’s a lost cause, and that thought has me sort
of wallowing in a bizarre, angst-fueled depression. I haven’t posted more
than a few measly pics since I uploaded the threesome video, and the lack of
buzz for them has switched on my insecurities full blast.
Not only do I now feel like a failure if I don’t produce for my fans, but
I’m stressing about losing the high of their attention, which also makes me
feel like a huge loser.
I don’t know these people, and I don’t owe them shit. I could close this
account and be totally fine… Just chalk it up to a stupid college experiment
that happened to make me a few thousand bucks.
But I don’t want to do that. Like I said, the money and the newfound
fame, for lack of a better word, have given me a sense of purpose. I know it’s
stupid, and I despise relying on other people for my own inner gratification,
but I can’t help it. I want that adoration aimed at me.
 But now that Superstar Harbor has been introduced to the fold, it’s all
they seem to be clamoring for. Yes, they want both of us, not just him, but
still. It’s annoying.
And pointless, because there’s literally no way Kyran would ever even
consider going gay-for-pay. Especially not with me. It’s not going to happen,
and it’s a major bummer because I’m not ready to give it up. The fans.
On top of it all, I can’t get the memory of how that imbecilic threesome
went down out of my head. It’s been just chilling in there, woven into the
fibers of my memories so I can’t help but keep harping on it.
How close we were, and how the proximity seemed to flutter like a
featherlight sensation in the pit of my stomach. The anger and tension and
frustration burning around us…
His leg sloped over mine.
It’s the last thing I want to be thinking about, but I can’t stop. And I
especially can’t stop remembering the fact that I think something about what
happened turned him on enough to make him come in his pants.
It was Frankie. It had to have been her. Fingering Frankie into orgasm
must have been too exciting for him to bear, and that was why he freaked out
and stormed off. I’m positive it had absolutely nothing to do with his dumb
leg over mine or the panting breaths we shared that I’ve been fighting out of
my brain for the last week.
Dropping my phone onto my desk and shoving it away from me, I reach
into my drawer for a Twizzler, my favorite candy and one of my many, many
comfort foods. Chomping off bites, I chew while staring at the sketch I’ve
been working on. It’s my version of The Last Supper with all Batman
characters. Obviously, Batman is Jesus, Robin is Peter… I’ve got
Commissioner Gordon in there, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Bane, and the
Scarecrow. And of course, the Joker as Judas.
It’s just for fun, like a play on the idea that the disciples were actually
Jesus’s enemies, in a sense. In mine, they’re not so much sharing a meal as
they are all consumed with their own bullshit. It’s been taking my mind off
things well enough, but now that I checked my phone, my motivation to keep
working on it has all but dried up.
My eyes slink back to said phone and without even noticing it, I’m
chewing furiously on my lower lip. There’s this tiny voice in the back of my
head insisting that I need to tell Kyran about all of this hype from my fans…
I know, I know. It’s the most moronic of ideas. Knowing him, he’ll get
pissed off, call me a queer, and threaten to beat my ass. It’s his standard
response, especially where the idea of us touching is concerned.
But then a part of me wonders if maybe he could use the attention too.
Maybe he’d be flattered by the comments the same way I am…
And I know he needs more money. Three grand is nowhere near enough
to cover housing at BC. Even with a few grants thrown in, we’re looking at
almost twenty-grand a year, not to mention if we want to feed ourselves and
you know… do anything other than breathe on this campus.
We both need more money coming in. And with that serving as one
pathetic, measly excuse, I grab my phone and pull up a text to my grumpy
bitch of a stepbrother.
Me: Hey
Five minutes go by before he even reads the message, and even so, he
doesn’t respond. So I keep going…
Me: I need to talk to you about something important. Could you come over to my
dorm?
This time, he responds almost instantly.
Kyran: That’s gonna be a non-negotiable no.
What a fucking asshole. I can’t.
Me: Kyran… I think you’ll want to hear what I have to say.
Nothing. For five more minutes on read.
Me: Please just come over. Give me five fucking minutes of your time. You owe me
that.
Kyran: I don’t owe you shit.
I roll my eyes to the heavens.
Me: Fine, you don’t. But like I said, this is serious.
Kyran: I don’t care. Anything you need to say you can just text. I have no desire to
see your face.
Me: God you’re obnoxious. Look it’s a sensitive subject. I don’t want to text it…
His typing bubbles pop up, then disappear. Then pop up, then disappear
again. I’m impatiently tapping my foot for several more minutes by the time
he finally replies.
Kyran: Still no. I’m not coming over to your fucking dorm Avi
Me: Fine, I’ll come to yours… But I don’t think you want me bringing this stuff up
 in front of your roommate…
Kyran: You will not set foot in my dorm.
Kyran: And what makes your roommate so chill??
Me: I don’t have a roommate. I’m by myself in TMA 446.
He reads the message, but doesn’t respond, and I’m just staring at the
screen when there’s a knock on my door.
My brows zip together in confusion. Standing up slowly, I meander out of
the bedroom, creeping over to the door while my chest tightens in suspense.
There’s no way…
Opening it a crack, I peek through, letting out a breath as my stomach
drops in disappointment that confuses the fuck out of me.
“Hello, gorgeous,” Frankie says with a smile, pushing her way inside. She
holds up a bag from Shake Shack. “I brought you a gift.”
I’m about to shut the door, but Bea slinks inside behind her before I can.
“You both invited yourselves over?” I grin at them, closing the door
while they wander around, making themselves at home. “How sweet.”
“Actually, I came by to talk to you and bring you burgers.” Frankie tosses
the bag onto the living room table. “I have no idea what she’s doing here. I
found her rustling around in the bushes downstairs.”
Chuckling, I glance at Bea, who’s holding her coat shut around her chest,
looking awfully suspicious. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Avi… I need your help.” Bea aims her wide eyes at me. I swear to God,
she’s all eyes, lips, and boobs, this one. “Don’t freak out.”
My forehead lines while I watch her clutching her coat. “Freak out about
what…?”
She bites her lip, slowly opening up said coat to reveal a tiny black kitten
slumped in her arms.
“You were hiding that thing inside your coat the whole time??” Frankie
croaks through bites of French fries.
Bea pouts, petting the thing’s small head over and over, cradling it to her
chest. “I just found him outside! He’s lost, I didn’t know what to do!”
My mouth is just hanging open while I stare at her, and the little cat who
seems content to just sit in her arms. Stepping over slowly, I can’t help but
gravitate toward it. He’s so freaking cute… And cards on the table, I’m a
total cat lover.
I used to feed all the neighborhood strays back in Brooklyn, and I always
play with our neighbor, Mrs. Adelman’s, cats in Somerville. But I haven’t
had my own since my orange tiger, Bates, passed away when I was twelve.
The second great tragedy of my childhood… Call it not wanting to get hurt
again, but I just couldn’t find it in myself to replace him.
But this thing… He’s just so tiny and soft.
And yes, I’m already petting him and giving his head tons of kisses.
“He was outside all alone in the cold,” Bea whines. “I couldn’t just leave
him there!”
“He probably belongs to someone…” I mumble, taking the cat in my
arms and looking him over.
He’s a little dirty and definitely in need of some food. He’s just so little…
Can’t be more than a year old.
“Why are you calling it a him?” Frankie aims a fry at the cat. “Did you
check?”
I look to Bea, who shakes her head. Lifting the cat, I check for any sign of
balls, but I don’t see them.
“I think it’s a girl,” I hum, swooning like a big ol’ baby over her rampant
purring. “Should I… call the shelter?”
“You could…” Bea pets the tiny ball of fur. “Or you could keep her
here…”
My eyes flit to hers. “No pets allowed in the dorms, you know that.”
“Yea, but you have this place to yourself!” she squeals. “Who would
know?”
Oh my God, someone give me an excuse not to keep this thing… I’m
falling in love already.
“That’s probably some poor little kid’s cat you’re stealing,” Frankie says
pointedly, being the voice of reason I hate right now.
“I’ll check for signs in the area.” Bea smiles. “But you can keep her until
we find her home… right?”
She aims those sparkling eyes at me, and I huff out a laugh, shaking my
head. “You knew I’d be your best bet, didn’t you? Temptress…”
Bea shrugs, unashamed, and Frankie scoffs.
“We could always bring her to your place,” Bea says to Frankie, popping
her hip.
Frankie’s head swivels sternly. “Nope. Not happening. I’m allergic.”
“No, you’re not. You just have no desire to care for anything that isn’t
you.” I laugh.
 “Good point.” She smirks.
“Come on, we should get her cleaned up,” I say to Bea. “And I have no
cat food. Frankie, can you go grab some?” Frankie sighs, pinching the bridge
of her nose. “Please,” I whine, pinning her with a look. “You owe me.”
Her brow arches. “Oh yea? And what do I owe you for exactly?” She
folds her arms over her chest.
I peek at Bea, then back at Frankie, choosing not to go into the whole
spiel about her getting me roped into a threesome with my stepbrother which
ultimately turned my OnlyFans subscribers rabid for gay sex videos.
Narrowing my gaze at her, I mumble, “Just please run to the store and
grab some cat food. And a litter box. And kitty litter.”
She huffs out a sound of displeasure, but I ignore it, taking the cat and
Bea into the bathroom.
“She needs a name,” Bea says, scratching the adorable little thing on the
head.
My lips curl. “I’m gonna call her Robin.”

It’s almost midnight by the time Frankie and Bea leave. And it looks like I
finally have a roommate again.
We gave Robin a bath and tons of food, then I set up a litter box for her in
the hall closet. And now she’s happy as can be, sitting on my lap on the
couch, purring away while I cuddle her and revel in the joy and comfort that
only pets can provide. I know if any of the housing admins find out she’s
here, I’ll have to get rid of her. The same goes for if we find out who she
belongs to, so I’m trying not to get too attached. But it’s difficult when she’s
just so stinkin’ cute.
“So Frankie says I’m an idiot if I don’t at least consider doing another
collab video…” I mumble to my furry friend while Seinfeld plays on Netflix
in the background. “But the fans want it to be with Kyran, which isn’t gonna
happen. He doesn’t even like to talk to me, let alone—”
A knock on the door cuts off my words, bringing with it a wave of nerves.
“Oh, crap…” I whisper, shifting Robin off of my lap and onto the couch.
Standing up quick, I grab a nearby fleece blanket and cover her with it.
 “Shh… You just stay there,” I tell the cat before rushing toward the door.
“Don’t move.”
Unlocking the door, I suck in a calming breath before opening it a crack,
expecting to see someone from campus security, here to tear my new baby
from her home.
Instead, I’m met with sandy hair, hazel eyes, and a familiar scowl.
“Uh…” My mouth hangs open while I stare at him blankly, purely baffled
by the fact that he’s actually here. Unexpectedly. “What are you doing here?”
His eyebrow cocks. “You invited me, remember? Jesus, how much weed
do you smoke??” My confused blinking goes on while he rolls his eyes. “You
said it was important and serious, or some shit—Can I fucking come in?? Or
are you gonna make me stand out here in the hallway like a moron?”
I’m still beyond surprised, but now I’m also annoyed, because while I did
ask him to come over, I’m already regretting the decision to have this
arrogant jerk-wad in my home, messing up my chi.
Stepping aside, I motion for him to come in. “By all means… Show up in
the middle of the night, unannounced, acting like I’m the unreasonable one.”
Kyran stomps inside. “Again, you begged me to come over. “
“Okay… begged is a bit of an exaggeration…” I mumble, and he spins to
face me, lifting that damn eyebrow again.
“Want me to show you the text?” He folds his arms over his chest.
“I have the text. I wrote it, dumbass,” I murmur, then hold my hand up
before he can argue any more. “Anyway, whatever. You never responded, so
forgive me for not expecting you to show up at midnight.” He sways in place,
tipping his chin all around the room. My brows knit. “And drunk,
apparently…”
“I’m not drunk,” he grunts, resuming his walking, checking the place out,
poking at stuff. “I left a party early to come see what you could possibly need
that’s so important you can’t text it…” His voice trails, then his face snaps in
my direction. “This is your dorm room??”
“No, I’m just hanging out in here,” I rumble sarcastically, to which he
rolls his eyes. “Yes, it’s my fucking dorm room.”
He scoffs out loud and shakes his head. “Figures you’d just stumble into a
place like this…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” My gaze narrows.
“You know what it means,” he says pointedly. “These apartments are
reserved for the dean’s kids and full-ride MBAs, not stoners with a two-
point-five GPA. Seriously, I think half the professors actually live in this
building…”
“Hey, my GPA is a three!” I retort, then mutter, “Almost…” He huffs,
still shaking his head, that constant holier-than-thou attitude really starting to
piss me off. “Look, I didn’t ask you to come over to argue and insult me.”
“Okay, so spill it.” He spins, waltzing toward the living room. “What do
you want, Avi?”
My frustrations with him are replaced swiftly by nerves. Sure, I invited
him over to tell him the truth, about my OnlyFans and all the requests… But
now that he’s actually here, dressed in his expensive preppy clothes, being
his usual douchey self, I’m sort of fumbling for the courage to speak the
words. I just know he’s going to freak out. He might even punch me in the
face… Not that I did anything that would warrant such a reaction. But he’s
not exactly known for his understanding.
“Alright, well… Here it goes.” I pull in a breath. “I have—”
“Uh, Avi…” he interrupts me, and I exhale, rolling my eyes. Jesus, he
can’t even let me speak for one second… “I don’t want to alarm you, but I
think you might have a rat…”
My forehead lines. “A what??”
He nods toward the couch. “That blanket is… moving.”
Following his line of vision, I see the lump where Robin is covered by the
blanket moving around. Kyran is backing away slowly toward the kitchen,
and I have to laugh. He grabs a frying pan from the counter, then tiptoes back
to the living room with his arm cocked like he’s about to strike.
“Kyran, wait!” I jump in front of him before he can smash my poor kitten
to death. “It’s not a rat!”
His eyes shift to mine. “Then what the fuck is it??”
“Okay, let’s just take that away from you…” I remove the frying pan
from his grip, setting it down and turning to whip the blanket back, revealing
my little Burmese fluff ball.
He stares at the cat, then at me, then at the cat, before shaking his head. “I
have no words.”
I’m sure he’s insulting me, but it doesn’t even faze me anymore. Plopping
down on the couch next to Robin, I pick her up and nuzzle her head. “Her
name is Robin. We just found her today—”
“Avi, this isn’t a social call,” he sighs. “Just get to the point… Why am I
here?”
 Placing Robin back down, I glance up at him. “I made an OnlyFans.”
His eyes widen for a second, as if maybe he was trying to bury the
memory of Frankie’s party, and me bringing up OnlyFans just resurfaced it.
“I started it a few weeks back, after we found out the money was gone,” I
go on. “I’ve only been doing solo stuff, but then Frankie suggested I share the
video we made with my subscribers to make some extra cash…”
Kyran slumps down into the nearest seat; a chair to my right. Shifting to
face him, I watch as his fingers dig into his thighs, the tension in his
extremities building visibly.
“Okay… and what does that have to do with me?” he mutters.
Alright, I guess we’re going the denial route, then. “Well, after my fans
saw it, they started sort of… suggesting…” I pause and swallow. “Or
begging, really…”
“Spit it out, Avi,” he grumbles.
“They want more,” I rush the words out. “More… content like that.
Only… minus the vagina.”
Kyran’s face is still as he stares at me, eyes slightly narrowed, frozen for
a few generous seconds, during which I’m just blinking at him, bracing
myself like it’s that last part of “Pop Goes The Weasel” before the clown
jumps out at you. The only sound in the room is the muffled voice of Jerry
Seinfeld saying, “These pretzels are making me thirsty.” Until eventually,
Kyran’s lips twitch.
And then he bursts out laughing.
He laughs for longer than I’m finding socially acceptable. Then it dies
off, and he sighs through his chuckles. “You’re an idiot.” He shakes his head,
leaning back in the chair. “I’ll give it to you… you almost had me for a
second there.”
My eyebrows jump and my head slants. “I’m not kidding.”
“Uh, yes you are,” he huffs. “You’re fucking with me.”
“Uh, no. I’m not. I’m being fully serious.” Pulling my phone out of my
pocket, I bring up my OnlyFans account, holding it up to show him the
screen.
He only peeks at it for a split second before his eyes are back on me, all
traces of amusement in his expression having vanished. I witness the mound
of his throat dip in a swallow as his back straightens.
“Dude, are you certifiable or something??” he snaps. “Why are you
telling me this? We agreed that was a one-time thing, never to be mentioned
again. And it was a fucking dumbass idea to begin with. The whole thing was
just so…”
“Yea, yea. I get it,” I mutter. “It was fucking ridiculous. But something
about it worked, and I don’t need to tell you that. You’re thousands of dollars
richer because of it, too. So you can stop acting like we forced you into
something you didn’t benefit from.”
He aims one of his seething glares at me. “Fine. The money was helpful,
but that’s the beginning and end of it. I don’t see why you needed to call me
over here just to tell me that a bunch of creeps got off watching us…”
His words dissolve, and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
“I just thought you might want to know…” I murmur, then pause to figure
out how to phrase this in a way that won’t have him attacking me. “They
were really into you. I mean, us… together. More than with Frankie.”
“So fucking what??” he barks, clinging to his hostility like a life-raft in
the middle of the sea. “We didn’t even do anything! It’s not like we…” His
voice cuts out, and he swallows again.
Inching in closer, I tap on my phone, pulling up my inbox of DMs, which
is full of even more guys pleading for content I’m sure Kyran is fully
opposed to providing. And I show it to him.
“Look at all these messages…” I hand my phone to him.
He continues to glare at me for a moment before snatching it, eyes
dropping to the screen. He’s scrolling for minutes, the aggressive lines of his
face softening just the slightest bit.
“All of those people are willing to pay a shitload of money for more
videos like that one. But just… us.” I’m trying to keep my tone as calm as
possible, to make sure he doesn’t accuse me of trying to lure him into
something.
I’m just stating facts here. I don’t like it any more than he does, but I’m
willing to accept that this is the only immediate option for making the money
we need.
“Us hooking up.” His gaze flits to mine. “Stop beating around the bush,
Avi. You’re saying we would need to make gay porn to satisfy these fans of
yours…”
“Okay, well, gay porn is a little extravagant…” I mumble.
“It’s really not, though.” He tosses my phone at me. “That’s what it boils
down to. You’ll make triple what you’re bringing in from your little jerk-off
videos if I come on camera with you, and I’m telling you right fucking now,
that’s not gonna happen.”
My brow furrows. “How do you know I’m jerking off in the videos…?”
“You just handed it to me,” he hisses.
I can’t help but smirk. “Why did you look at the videos? I was only
showing you the DMs…”
“That’s not the point.” He stands up fast like he’s about to storm out, so I
stand up too. “The way I see it, you owe me some cash, Vega. Frankie split
her profits with us, but you didn’t.” He purses his lips. “You’re a greedy little
bitch.”
My jaw clenches. “Fine, whatever. I’ll share it with you…” He rolls his
eyes. “But you know how much more money we could make doing this.
Swallow your fucking ego for two seconds and think about this rationally.
You’re about to lose everything you’ve been working for… The fucking
championship.” He’s vibrating, eyes scorching, neck tight in his rage. But it’s
because he knows I’m right, and I can see that realization on his reddening
face. “This is the only way we both get to stay here. The only way you get to
keep being the superstar Eagles quarterback.”
He goes quiet again, fuming with swirls of green and gold fury shining at
me. “That’s a great idea in theory, bro, but there’s a hole in your genius
plan.” My head tilts. “I’m not fucking gay. I have no desire to hook up with
dudes, especially not my dumbass stepbrother.”
I shrug. “I don’t want to hook up with you either. But for that kind of
money, I could pretend you’re not the most obnoxious asshole I’ve ever met.
I did it at Frankie’s party…”
“Yea, well… you enjoyed that a little too much.” He rakes his fingers
exasperatedly through his hair.
My mouth curves into a wicked smirk as I lean in. “So did you.”
His eyes snap to mine. “I assure you, I didn’t.”
Choosing not to keep calling him out, I shrug again. “I just wanted to let
you see for yourself how much these fuckers are fiending for this shit.”
Easing around him, I go to the kitchen and grab my bottle of Fireball.
“There’s a way, Kyran… a way for us to stay in school and not have to slink
back to Somerville with our tails between our legs. You just have to have the
balls to do it…”
Opening the bottle, I take a sip, wincing at the sugary cinnamon burn. He
stays planted in the living room, staring at nothing for long enough that I rip
two more shots from the bottle, waiting for him to process what I’m saying.
 I don’t exactly have high hopes for him agreeing to this… And I’m still
not even sure I want him to agree. It’s not like I’m as excited over the idea of
us fooling as my fans are… But it’s the only thing I can think to keep their
attention. Otherwise, it’s back to the drawing board.
And yes, maybe I could find someone else to hook up with… Another
guy to bring into the fold, to satisfy the demand for dude-on-dude content.
But that seems like a lot of work. Kyran is already involved. Plus, he’s just as
desperate for cash as I am, so there’s no way he’d ever tell anyone…
And then there’s the tension. The hate that flows between us like a
magnetic force. Apparently, it’s the key ingredient, and I just don’t think I’ll
find that with anyone else.
Finally, Kyran moves, but it’s not the movement I was hoping for. He
stomps over to the door, reaching for the handle while I sigh out of
disappointment and shake my head. But then he stops, his shoulders slumping
as he lets out a long breath of audible frustration.
Slanting his face in my direction, his eyes fall to the bottle I’m holding. I
say nothing, simply hold it out to him. And he slinks over slowly, grabbing it
from me and taking an awfully large swig.
Grumbling, he rubs his eyes. “No bullshit, Avi… I want a concrete
answer.” I blink at him as his gaze lifts to mine. “How many videos would it
take to make enough for housing for the next two years?”
God, that’s a complicated fucking question. Thinking about it for a
second, I murmur, “It depends on the content… At least a few. But we could
start with one and see how they respond to it. And the more we market it, the
more it’ll work. We might even be able to just record a bunch at once, then
spread that shit out over the course of—”
“Fuck…” He cuts me off with a groan of despair, chugging from the
bottle again. “This is so fucked. I can’t believe I’m letting you talk me into
this…”
My brow arches. “Maybe you should slow down… And excuse you. Talk
you into it?? I’m not coaxing you, Kyran, this is a fucking means to an end.”
He gulps from the bottle again, and I grab it from him. “Okay, that’s enough
for now.”
“I need to get completely blasted if this is gonna work…” He grips the
back of his neck, staggering around the kitchen.
“Wait a second…” I follow him anxiously. “You want to do it now??”
“I don’t want to do anything.” He shoots me with a hazy glare. “But I’m
fucking here, so we might as well just get it over with.”
Jesus fuck… My heart is jumping so aggressively it might actually
manage to pop up my throat. I was not at all prepared for this…
“Okay… uh, sure. I guess we could…” My thoughts are swirling and
twirling like a carnival ride as I take a big sip from the bottle myself, hoping
to steady the trembling in my limbs.
And why are my hands suddenly so sweaty??
“We need to make some terms.” Kyran shuffles over to the couch and
drops down.
He seems defeated, like a broken man in a way, but he’s still the one
moving forward with this, at a much more rapid pace than I expected. I mean,
shit… I expected him to punch me in the face and storm off. Now he’s sitting
on the couch, talking about terms??
He must be really drunk…
“Terms…” I repeat the word, ambling over and taking a hesitant seat next
to him on the couch, making sure to leave a few feet between us. Still, he
scoots away from me, but I grab his arm to stop him. “Don’t crush my cat.”
His face slopes to where Robin is taking up and entire couch cushion,
licking herself.
“First off, we split everything fifty-fifty,” he says, watching her for a
moment, before peering at me. “No greedy bitch skimming off the top.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine, but you need to help with the marketing. I’m not
gonna do all the heavy lifting while you sit back and reap the benefits.”
He scoffs. “Trust me, this won’t be fucking easy.” His eyes scan me for a
split second.
I squint at him. “Why are you acting like you’re doing me some huge
favor by even considering this??”
“Uh, because I am,” he grunts.
“No, we’ll both be doing something we don’t want to do, and we’ll both
be making bank doing it. Even fucking playing field, asshole.”
“Fine, whatever.” He leans back, covering his face with his hands.
“Which brings me us to our next term,” I go on. “No arguing. We can’t
spend this whole experience bickering at each other, or it’ll never work. It’s a
business, that’s what Frankie told me, and she’s right. If we just look at it like
a job, and stay professional, it’ll be a little easier to get through it.”
His hands slip away, and he peeks at me, giving me a look as if he agrees,
but he doesn’t want to give me the satisfaction. He just nods and mumbles,
“Next term… No one ever finds out about this. That’s the most important
one.”
“Agreed.”
“No, I’m serious, Avi.” His tone has taken on an almost desperate,
pleading lilt as he faces me. “If this got out, the money doesn’t fucking
matter anymore. I’d be kicked off the football team. Not to mention, if my
dad ever found out…”
His words fade into him shaking his head and he stares down at his hands.
Suddenly, he’s all nervous and fidgety, and I can’t help but watch him,
wondering once more why he’s so uptight.
I know his relationship with his father isn’t a good one… Tom doesn’t
seem to give much of a fuck about Kyran outside of his grades and football,
which is a huge bummer. I can’t even imagine having that kind of shitty
relationship with my mom. She’s my number one supporter, no matter what
kinds of dumb shit I do.
If she found out about the OnlyFans, I know she’d be pissed, but she
wouldn’t freak out or disown me. She might even laugh about it, though
she’d pretend it wasn’t funny.
But Kyran is different. He’s wound so tightly, always worrying about
how his father sees him, how everyone sees him. I wonder where it stems
from…
He flips his hands over, staring at his palms in silence. It’s an odd thing to
do, but maybe he’s just drunk.
“No one will find out,” I say quietly, and his eyes jump to mine. “I swear.
This is just about the money, that’s it. We’ll make sure it stays a secret.”
He nods, clearing his throat as all vulnerability vanishes. In one eye-blink,
he’s back to scowling and hostile, glaring at me as he says, “Final term… No
touching.”
I laugh out loud, and his eyes narrow. “Okay, you don’t seem to
understand how this works. These dudes are not gonna pay all this money for
us to just sit side by side.”
“I don’t fucking care. That’s what they’re gonna get,” he grunts
stubbornly.
“You’re being unreasonable,” I scoff, and he straightens.
“I’m not fucking gay, Avi.”
“Yea, I think we already established that.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.
“But we have to at least act like we’re into it, or this will all be for nothing…
We don’t have a choice. We have to sell it. For the fans.”
Puffing out an unamused chuckle, he shakes his head, grabbing the bottle
from me. He takes a long pull, gurgling over the disgustingly sweet cinnamon
flavor. “I don’t know if I can…”
“You won’t know if you don’t try.” I shrug.
He peers at me. “Well, what do you suggest? What do these fans of yours
even want?”
My mind sifts through the insane filth they’ve been messaging me all
week. “I think we’d need to start small…”
“I’m not putting my mouth anywhere near your dick,” he growls.
And for some bizarre reason, my eyes fall to said mouth. Swallowing, I
stand up, avoiding everything that just started swimming around inside me
from that one look while I rush into my bedroom, grabbing the tripod and my
laptop.
As soon as I step back into the room, his face drops. “Oh, man… I
already don’t like this.”
“Stop being such a whiny bitch.” I set the tripod up opposite the couch.
Then I place my laptop on the coffee table, opening it and bringing up
PornHub. “Find something on there you like. Whatever you would watch
when you’re alone.”
He gives me an angry-deer-in-headlights look, to which I roll my eyes yet
again. I swear to God, they’re going to fall out of my head at the rate he’s
going with this nonsense.
“Just do it, Kyran,” I breathe, switching off the TV, then setting up my
phone to record.
It still takes him a second, but eventually, he leans forward, scrolling
through the available porn. I stay standing, giving him space as he settles on a
video. It’s girl-on-girl, and I try to keep my scoffing in check.
Someone’s really invested in proving how straight he is right now.
He presses play and the video begins, volume down low as the people on
the screen start doing their thing. And I press record on our video, hoping like
hell this will work out.
I don’t want to admit that I’m nervous, but I am. Mostly because I have a
lot at stake here. If we can’t make this work, then I’m not sure what I’ll do.
Kyran’s eyes are stuck on the laptop screen, almost intentionally, as if
he’s afraid to look anywhere else. Slowly, I ease back over to the couch and
sit down, again making sure there’s enough space between us. I can see and
feel how rigid he is, just like the night at Frankie’s house. His hands are
resting firmly on his thighs, muscles all bunched.
Clearly, it’ll be up to me to get this thing moving. So I unbutton my pants,
opening them just enough to reach inside and adjust my dick.
Kyran’s eyes fling over to me, and he grows even stiffer. “What are you
doing?”
“I’m gonna jerk off, Kyran,” I mumble, annoyed. “We have to do
something. They won’t pay to watch us watching porn.”
His jaw ticks, but I can see him conceding to it as he reclines a bit,
watching the girls fooling around on the screen. I’m not necessarily invested
in this particular video, but I pretend I am, fisting my cock inside my pants
and giving it a few leisurely tugs, hoping it’ll inspire him to do the same. But
he’s just parked like a statue next to me.
Puffing out an impatient breath, I reach over to undo his pants for him.
He flinches away. “Back up, homo.”
“Dude… seriously. Loosen the fuck up, Jesus…” I go back to stroking
myself. “You picked this dumbass video.”
“Would you rather it be two guys?” He snorts accusingly, to which I
shrug.
“I don’t know… whatever. Doesn’t seem like your dick likes this one that
much either…”
He glares at me, teeth visibly clenched as he reaches inside his pants. “I
think it’s hot.”
“Really?” My head cocks tauntingly. He nods. “Well then, put up or shut
up. Let’s see it.”
“No.”
“For fuck’s sake.” I yank my pants down, exposing a few inches of my
dick.
It’s not fully hard yet, because his stubborn idiocy has me struggling to
get wood. But when his eyes land on it and I witness him swallow, there’s a
thump in my balls that pumps a little more rushing blood.
“You can just watch me if you want…” I hum in amusement, giving it
some slow tugs.
He shakes his head and turns away, aiming his glare back on the screen as
his hand moves gradually inside his pants.
The air around us is awkward as fuck, an uncomfortable sort of heat
surrounding our stiff bodies on the couch. We’re both just watching the video
and leisurely jerking ourselves off, though it seems obvious that neither of us
is paying as much attention to the porn as we are to the strained mood we’re
sharing.
The video ends and Kyran reaches forward, pressing play on the next
thing that pops up. At first, it seems like just another video of two girls
making out and rubbing each other’s pussies. But then a guy steps into the
screen, presenting a large, erect dick for them both to suck on gleefully.
My eyes subtly slink to Kyran, watching as he loses available room inside
his pants. He peeks at me for a second, cheeks flushing all pink while he
squirms.
“You’re gonna have to take it out eventually.” I recline on the couch,
jerking myself slowly.
His eyes drop to my dick briefly before coming up to mine. “Why?
Because you’re desperate to get a peek?”
“No, but they are…” I nod toward the camera.
“Fuck you…” he breathes.
“Think of the money, Kyran…” I tug even more of my cock out.
He can’t seem to stop himself from looking at my dick, which is
spreading a tight burn from my stomach up my chest.
“Don’t be boring,” I goad, humping up to my hand.
He bites his lip, checking the laptop again before he finally gives up and
pulls his dick out, unrushed, like it’s supposed to be some big reveal.
To be honest, it kind of is. I really don’t want to give him the satisfaction
at all, but even with only a few inches exposed, I can tell his dick is generous
in size. His hand moves up and down on the shaft, skin sliding at the tip to
expose a pink head.
My eyes widen. “You’re uncut?”
His face springs in my direction, blushed heat decorating him as he
grumbles, “Yea. So?”
I shake my head to dampen my surprise. “Nothing, it’s just… I’ve never
seen…”
My voice trails, and my eyes drop to the fascinating appendage,
observing it.
Wow… Interesting.
“You look at a lot of dicks?” He calls me out, almost aggressively.
My gaze returns to his as mild embarrassment warms my cheeks. “No.”
His throat dips. Then he shoves his pants down another inch, revealing
more of his cock. Oh… kay. That is quite long… and thick.
“I heard it’s more, like… sensitive,” I rasp, ignoring the fact that my own
cock is growing harder and harder in my hand. “Is that true?”
“How would I know?” His words come out breathy. “I have no frame of
reference…”
“Right…” I chuckle awkwardly, swallowing a mouthful of saliva.
I’m trying to focus on the video, but it’s nowhere near as captivating as
what’s happening a couple feet away, and I hate it, but I can’t deny that
watching his strong hand and shapely fingers sloping up and down is sort of
hypnotizing me. The way the skin pulls back every time it goes down,
exposing the shiny pink tip, is like…
Why am I so intrigued by his dick? I didn’t think I liked dick at all,
especially not one attached to my jock asshole of a stepbrother.
But it isn’t until the video on the screen ends that I realize Kyran isn’t
watching it either. He’s looking at my dick the same way I’m looking at his,
and it’s as confusing as it is electrifying.
I’m as hard as stone now, pumping into my fist at a steadier pace that I
think he’s trying to match. We’re both struggling to keep our breaths in
check, but it’s the only sound in the room and it starts to echo as they grow
louder.
I don’t know how it happened, but the space between us has shrunk. I
think I might be leaning in closer to him, and I don’t want to be, because if he
notices, he’ll probably stop to yell at me.
Kyran’s head tips back on the couch, eyes closing as he works his cock in
his hand. And I’m so busy gawking that I also don’t realize he’s leaning in
closer… Until I feel his arm on mine.
“Just do it…” he whispers.
“Do what?” My voice comes out equally soft and throaty.
“We both know this is where it’s headed, so just…” He stops to swallow.
“Just do it.”
His chest moves with unsteady flutters as he suddenly lets go of his cock,
leaving it resting on his abs, waiting for attention.
I bite my lip. I’m sure the fans would love to see me…
I shake my head. “Only if you do it, too.”
His eyes snap open, and he peers at me. “Fuck that.”
“Then no dice.” I shrug, releasing my cock too. “This isn’t one-sided,
superstar. All or nothing.”
 His eyes are hooded, the gleam in them more furious than anything. But
still, I think I see a tiny twinge of curiosity, as confirmed when he glances
down at my dick.
Sucking in a breath, he mumbles, “This is just for the fans… right?” His
eyes come back to mine, and I nod.
“For the fans.”
Reaching over hesitantly, he curls his fingers around my dick. And the
sensation of contact, of his calloused hand on my sensitive flesh, prompts a
tiny sound from within my throat.
“Don’t make that noise,” he growls, gripping my cock in a chokehold. He
should know that it actually feels awesome, but I’m really trying to downplay
it.
“I can’t… help it,” I croak. “Your hands are rough.”
“Shut up and let’s get this over with,” he hisses, moving his hand slowly
up my shaft, then back down.
Oh God, fuck me, it feels really fucking good. I don’t understand why…
It’s just a hand. A rough one, without any lube. In theory, it shouldn’t feel
good. But it does. It feels awesome.
Sliding my left hand beneath his arm, I grab his dick, and this time, he
makes a noise.
“See?” I stroke slowly. “It feels—”
“No, it doesn’t.” His voice shivers through the words. “It’s just because
your hands are soft… Like a girl’s.”
“Whatever you say.” I give his dick some gentle tugs, stuffing my fingers
down into his pants to get it all.
Turns out only about half of it is exposed, which means it’s even bigger
than I thought it was. I’m not jealous, though… His is pretty much the same
length as mine, except for his foreskin advantage.
The mutual jerking continues at a leisurely pace, and as much as I’m
trying to fight it, his hand pulling uncoordinatedly on me feels exceptionally
good. We’re both leaned back, side-by-side, his eyes closed and jaw straining
while I can’t keep my wide gaze off what my hand is doing.
This is insane. I’ve never touched a dick that wasn’t my own before. I
can’t believe I’m doing this, and what’s more, I can’t believe that I think just
doing it is tightening up my balls even more than the feeling of him stroking
me.
“Kyran…” I whisper, my eyes gliding up to his face where it rests, inches
from mine.
“What?” He gasps, lips quivering when he speaks. His eyes are screwed
shut, like he’s desperately trying to imagine he’s anywhere else.
“Does this feel good?” I hum, using my index and middle fingers to circle
his tip and push the skin down.
“N-no…” he whimpers, then bites his lip.
My mouth is overflowing with saliva, pulse pounding in my skull while I
blink at his face. “Do you want me to stop…?”
His hips lift ever-so-slightly, seeking out my hand as mine angle toward
him, our thighs pressing together.
“Uhh… um…” He fumbles for words, the sounds of his panting lulling
me into a trance.
“I won’t…” I tell him, hoarsely, surrendering to the sensation of his timid
strokes while I play with his cock in a way that he obviously likes but refuses
to admit it.
“Stop… t-talking, Avi…” he groans.
The way my name rolls off his tongue sounds different right now than
any other time he’s said it. It’s softer, breathier, yes, but also with a gasp of
lust. Like his tone is giving away more than his words ever would.
Something about it sparks a wild need inside me; a need to chase and
capture it. To prove to him that he likes this, despite how much he’s fighting
it.
“Harder,” I demand on a breath. And to my surprise, he obeys, stroking
my dick harder, pulling it in his direction with my hips slanted toward him.
Riding the high of him doing what I say, I rumble, “Move your pants down
more.”
And he does. He uses his left hand to shove the waist down farther,
wiggling himself free. Now both of our dicks are fully out, and I guess the
curiosity is too much for him to ignore because his eyes creep open, his head
tilting to peer down and watch his hand pump my cock.
When his lidded gaze slides back up to my face, it seems to accentuate
how we are. And I can’t even help it. Like magnets, my eyes drop to his
mouth, for just a split second. They pop back up quick, locking on darkened
gold and green before falling once more to his moist and shivering lips.
Subtly has apparently flown right out the window.
“Don’t…” he growls.
“Don’t what?” I swipe my thumb over some slick wetness at the tip of his
cock.
His chest shudders, and he groans, “Don’t even fucking think about it.”
I can taste the cinnamon from his breath, we’re so close. “What am I
thinking about…?”
His face inches in closer, until our noses almost bump. “Do not fucking
kiss me…”
It sounds like a threat, but the way his words are trembling, the way his
entire body feels tense and coiled… it seems almost like a dare.
Like he wants me to defy him, in the way that only I do.
“Why would I kiss you?” My chest is heaving, eyes struggling to stay
open from the confounding pleasure of him working my cock rough and fast
in his fist.
“Just… d-dont,” he stutters on a breath. And then he whispers, so low I
barely even hear it. “Please.”
It winds me the fuck up. I have no idea why… I don’t understand it, but
something about his soft, rumbly little plea has my balls drawn so taut, I’m
ready to erupt. My hand matches the tempo of his, and his mine. Even going
lefty, I’m somehow just lost in this drive, pumping him up and down while
both of our hips chase the friction in tandem.
I’m dizzy, a fog of desire swallowing me up and controlling my
movements as my right hand crosses over, sliding up his chest. He snarls in
protest, but it turns into a needy hum as my fingers graze his throat, then his
jaw.
And I hold his face still before mine, whispering over his hot mouth, “I
don’t have to.”
For all the anger, resentment, and animosity he’s been pushing forth up
until now, I can feel him sloping into me, defying himself on purpose, and it
drives me fucking crazy. My balls are throbbing, aching with the need to
come, the burn of him jerking me wild, pulling me right up to the edge.
Kyran’s fingers on his right hand graze my nuts, tickling them each time
he goes down as his left hand flies to my shirt, gripping it in his fist. I can’t
tell if he’s trying to push me away or pull me closer. I’m not even sure he
knows, but the point is that we’re practically on top of each other now,
warring with the speed of voraciously beating each other off into a frenzy.
“You gonna come for me?” I gasp over his mouth, my fingers sliding
aggressively into his hair.
He nods fast, but doesn’t speak, biting back whimpers by chewing on his
lower lip.
“Tell me…” I rasp, holding off my own orgasm because I don’t want this
to stop yet.
“Fuck off…” he breathes, then groans, lashes fluttering.
My hand slows. “Maybe I should stop then…”
“No, don’t,” he pleads. “I’m… I’m gonna…”
“Gonna what?” My fingers thread into his soft hair.
I’m fucking gone right now… Abandoned all rationale and everything I
thought I knew before this moment. I’m seconds from coming apart in his
rough hand, rocking into his heat and his stubborn need.
“I’m gonna… come,” he croaks, hauling me closer by my shirt until I’m
hovering over him, our hands bumping together in the furious chase. The
swollen tips of our cocks brush and a shuddering cry brings hoarse words
from his lips. “Fuck… Fuck you, Avi… fuck you, I’m gonna fucking come
for you.”
“God, I’m gonna fucking come,” I rumble, pressing my hips down so that
our cocks are together and we’re fucking writhing and grinding them
frantically. “Come with me.”
“I’m coming with you…” he whispers, then whines.
Then gasps. Then groans out the sexiest fucking noise my ears have ever
heard as hot cum starts spilling out of him, all over me.
My hand, his hand, his dick, my dick. It’s shooting everywhere, soaking
us and drawing out my own.
Head whirling off my body, my stomach clenches, and I lurch forward,
biting down on his lower lip while my dick throbs and pulses cum all over us.
Our hips don’t stop moving, rippling into one another while we ride it
out, coming fucking everywhere, our dicks slipping and sliding together. My
fierce chewing on his lip turns to a sweet suction, foreheads together, heavy
panting echoing off every surface of the room.
It’s completely fucking insane. The craziest, hottest, most unexpected
thing that’s ever happened in the history of anything.
But it fizzles out quick, as it tends to.
As soon as the orgasm high has worn off, we’re not lost in the moment
anymore. Reality whacks us both like a blunt object, and we realize what
we’re doing. How far of a stretch this is from where we started only a few
minutes earlier.
“Fuck…” Kyran grunts, releasing his grip on my shirt, and my dick,
tumbling back on the couch to get away from me.
I clear my throat and back up too, shaking my head. Shaking off the daze.
Get up. Get up and shut off the camera.
Holy fuck, the camera.
Stumbling to my feet, I rush to turn it off before it records him freaking
out and I have to edit him attacking me out of the video. Once it’s off, I let
out a breath, yanking my pants up. There’s cum all over me. I would have no
idea whose it even is.
That was… What the fuck??
That’s what it was. It was what the fuck.
“Um… You can,” I start, stopping to clear my throat because I’m way too
raspy. “The bathroom is uh… there.” I somehow manage to point in its
direction.
Kyran’s eyes are awfully wide for someone who just came in explosive
fashion. But to my surprise, he doesn’t freak the fuck out, scream, or lunge at
me. He simply nods and slinks off the couch, hauling his pants up as he
staggers toward the bathroom.
He’s in there for a long time. More than fifteen minutes, while I’m
cleaning up, making sure there’s no cum on the couch, which there definitely
is. Just a little, and I manage to get to it with dish soap fast enough that
hopefully it won’t leave an obvious stain.
By the time he eventually comes out, I’m sitting on the couch, with
Seinfeld back on like nothing happened. Trying to pretend everything is
normal… Like it’s just business, which is what we agreed.
Even though my stomach is flipping and flopping in a way that feels very
unprofessional.
Across the room, Kyran is hovering, and when my eyes subtly peer in his
direction, he looks completely put back together. No longer rumpled, hair
brushed back into place.
“So I’m…” he starts, but his words get caught in his throat, and he gives
up, stomping toward the door.
“I’ll text you about the...” But he’s gone before I can even sigh out the
word, “Money.”
My face falls into my hands and I rub my eyes hard. “What the fuck,
man??”
Glancing left, I find Robin, still curled up on the couch in the same spot.
She’s been sitting there the whole damn time, which brings a laugh bubbling
from within my throat.
“He’s my stepbrother, you know…” I tell her, and she blinks at me,
unenthused.
My face slants toward the door, and I shake my head.
My fucking stepbrother… with whom I now share a very confusing, very
complicated little secret.
TheBlarneyBone: So peachy! I wanna lick ur ass...... then pummel that peach pie hole
MeatMan: Make me your chia pet and smear your seed all over me

Distraction is something I’ve gotten very good at over the years.

A skill I learned to hone when I was just a kid. Enduring stuff that makes
me uncomfortable while pretending I’m not is a bit of an art form for yours
truly.
The key is forcing yourself to focus on other things. The more
uncomfortable you are with the thing you’re avoiding, the more you’ll need
to immerse yourself in the distraction.
I think that’s why I’ve always been so good at school. It’s not that I
necessarily care about the subjects… Math, science, history… None of it is
particularly titillating to me. But it’s something to fixate on; something else
to get lost in, like the dirt and the shovel used to bury the thing you don’t
want clawing its way to the surface.
The curriculum for undergrad business studies is pretty involved, and it’s
good. A lot of my teammates struggle to balance schoolwork and football,
what with our rigorous training, game schedules, and how often we have to
travel. But for them, sports and partying are their primary focuses, and for
me… well, that’s just not enough.
I fill in the gaps with my studies, because I have to.
Keep the mind distracted at all times. Never, ever stop to think. Because
thinking is bad.
Thinking leads to remembering… And remembering is the enemy.
The way the light is hitting my books on the coffee table strikes an idea,
for another one of my favorite distractions. And I pick up my phone,
snapping a picture to post on Instagram.
Knowledge is the antidote to fear.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
#BC #collegelife
Posted, I stare at the screen for a moment as likes start rolling in. My eyes
flit to the top, and the notification for unread texts twists my gut.
Tossing my phone down on the table, I go back to my book. Distraction.
My eyes scan the words on the page, not retaining any of them as they all
start to blur together. Because that’s the thing about distraction… if the truth
is powerful enough, it’ll always manage to shove a hand up through the dirt.
“Harbor!” Guty shouts as he whips open the door with his arms full.
“You’ve got mail, baby boy.”
Kicking it shut behind him, he drops bags on the counter, making a ton of
noise as he rustles through a bunch of stuff he apparently bought at the store.
I can’t help the grin that tugs at my lips while I sigh and stand up, stretching
through the soreness from a vigorous morning workout, followed by sitting
on the couch for way too long.
“What, did you buy the whole store?” I chuckle, walking over to see what
he’s doing.
“GNC was having a sale on that protein powder we like,” he says,
removing large tubs from the shopping bags. “We’ve got supplements,
potassium chews… All the good stuff.”
My brow cocks. “Did you buy any actual food?”
He grins and pulls out a giant pack of beef jerky.
I have to laugh. Guty is a freaking character. He’s loud and crazy, and
one of the best football players I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing
alongside. He also can’t sit still, ever, which is convenient for him because
he’s one of those guys who loves working out.
We’re pretty much best friends, but we’re also both insanely competitive,
meaning when we work out together, we usually end up almost killing
ourselves. His ongoing joke is that he has the best body on the team. But
that’s never been proven.
“You know you can’t only consume protein, right?” I smirk, and he
beams one of his Colgate smiles at me.
“There’s kale salad in the mini fridge,” he mutters, tapping his finger on
an envelope he dropped on the counter. “This is yours. It’s from the housing
office.”
All traces of amusement fall from my face as I snatch up the envelope,
holding my breath while I tear into it. I can feel Guty watching me, so I turn
away to read what it says.
It’s a bill for next semester’s housing. Eight thousand seven hundred and
eighty-two dollars.
For five fucking months.
This is America.
Closing my eyes, I remember to breathe, pulling in a long one and
holding it as I scrape a palm over my face. I knew this was coming… I can’t
be too shocked over it, but still. Seeing that number in print is pretty
staggering.
The enclosed letter is full of stuff I already know, explaining the fact that
my scholarship doesn’t cover housing. I’ll need to make my first payment by
next month in order to stay in the Walsh residence hall. They offer a payment
plan, which is still over two-grand a month. And that’s just to get me through
sophomore year.
Junior year will come with a much bigger bill.
“Everything okay?” Guty asks, and my eyes snap open.
Folding up the letter, I stuff it into my back pocket, turning to face him
with a smile that hides all my stress and uncertainty. It’s a good one. I’ve had
years of practice. “Yup. Just confirming a few things from my grants. You
get any of that muscle recovery stuff you were telling me about?” I change
the subject quick.
His eyes narrow, as if he might suspect I’m hiding something. But
thankfully, he doesn’t dwell on it. Just pulls a bunch of bananas out of the
bag and grins. “You know it, Nueve. I’m gonna whip us up some shakes
now. Get these guns poppin’! It’s game day, baby!”
He starts shimmying around the room, tossing stuff into his blender while
I chuckle and shake my head. But it doesn’t take long for the smile to fade
and the suffocation of reality to suck oxygen out of my lungs.
Those texts… I know I should probably read them. Strictly as they pertain
to my current predicament. Avoidance only works if you have the luxury of
pushing away reality. And I don’t.
I need more money. Like now.
The Venmo deposits I’ve gotten from Avi are working as a pretty decent
silver lining to the crippling confusion and insecurity I’ve been ignoring since
the night in his dorm. It’s been a week since it happened, and I’m using every
single measure of denial and distraction I possess not to think about what we
did, hence why I haven’t read any of his texts.
I don’t need to know what he’s saying… And I’d really prefer not to deal
with him if I don’t have to. But the fact is, that despite how awful the
experience was, it did exactly what it was meant to…
I now have enough money for at least half of my housing bill for next
semester, which is sort of unbelievable. Sure, recalling the haze of that night
has bile crawling up my throat any time the memories get too strong for even
me and my epic avoiding skills to subdue. But that’s just because of what
happened. It was so out of the realm of what I’ve ever done before… It threw
me for an obvious loop.
I’m not interested in hooking up with guys. I don’t want them touching
my dick, or pressing their bodies against mine… Whispering things over my
lips while they drag me into ridiculous, unwelcome spine-tingling orgasms.
That’s not me. I’m not gay, no matter how much people online want me
to act like I am.
And where my idiot stepbrother is concerned, well… I guess he was right,
in a sense. Doing what we did definitely accomplished what we set out to do.
It made us money. Unfortunately for me and my straightness, I need more.
Much more, if I want to stay living on campus and thus preserve my football
scholarship and my inevitable championship.
So here I am, wedged snugly between a rock and a gay place. And I just
know Avi has been texting me all kinds of nonsense about how well the video
did and how much the fans are now begging for more…
I feel like a reluctant sex worker who just accepted my first wad of dirty,
shameful cash. I loathe the idea of being alone with Avi again, with that
camera recording…
But at the same time, I know that he was right, and I despise it even more
for that reason. This seems to be the only way to get the amount of money I
need, as fast as I need it.
“You want this…”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I swallow down the saliva filling my mouth.
“It’s okay to like it, you know…”
“Yo…” Guty’s voice cuts into the hushed words in my head, and I flinch.
“You alright?” He’s staring at me with his forehead lined.
 Straightening, I shove it all down, sliding the shiny plastic of my mask
back into place.
“Yea, I’m good.” The fake smile is so hard to hold sometimes, my entire
body wants to collapse. “I’m just thinking about that Duke defense…”
Guty’s look of concern transforms into a cocky grin. “Don’t worry,
amigo. Tonight, we’re gonna exorcise those Blue Devils back to North
Carolina where they belong.”
He winks at me, and I chuckle. On the surface.
Underneath it is nothing but festering doubt.

“Alright, listen up! It’s all lined up for us. We just need to focus.”
Coach’s voice rings loud over the roaring noise of the crowd.
“Gutierrez can break out of their hold, I know he can. But just in case, I
want the rest of you gaining as much yardage as possible. They can try to
cover you all, but it won’t work.” He aims a serious glare at me. “Harbor,
sights on. Show ’em how high Eagles fly.”
He slaps me on the back and I nod, with my mind both rushing like a
waterfall and still as a pond. There’s so much riding on this game, the
adrenaline and nerves stiffening my muscles.
Bright lights, chaotic noise, all eyes on us. It’s enough stress to crush you
if you let it.
But I won’t.
The sheer madness of everything somehow fades into the background,
like there’s a protective shield around me. It’s my control; the discipline of
my restraint. Harnessing every single bit of mayhem that surrounds me and
using it as fuel.
I will not let them push me down.
I will not let them win.
“Drive!” Coach shouts as the seconds of our timeout tick down. “They’re
expecting us to run, to take the obvious play for the field goal. Not
happening. Fucking drive!” He backs up, then calls out fast in his usual
commanding brogue, “Eagles on three. One, two, three—”
 Everyone hollers, “Eagles!” Then we break.
And it’s back to the game.
Less than two minutes left on the clock and we’re down by three points.
Duke came prepared. They’ve been matching our energy the entire game.
Every time we score, they score, leaving our defense with their heads
spinning each time the ball is in Duke’s hands. I’m confident that I can get us
in the lead right now… But then my teammates will need to hold them off to
run out the clock.
Losing this game is not a fucking option. Duke has been nearly
unstoppable this season—nearly being the operative word. If we beat them
now, we could clinch their spot in the playoffs.
Their quarterback, Devon Lancaster, is a powerhouse. We’re constantly
compared to one another, our stats nearly identical. So for me, winning this
game would finally put me on top for good.
I need this win. I need to prove that I’m doing the right thing.
On the field, I can almost feel the stands vibrating around me. Maroon
and gold shimmer on the edges of my vision, as does the movement of a
certain mascot I’ve been purposely ignoring all night.
Just knowing he’s over there has my hands clenching while I await the
snap. He’s hopping around as the play clock counts down, and my jaw ticks.
Four… three… two…
Time stands still before it speeds back up in an instant. I’m fed the ball
and I back-step, eyes zoned on Guty. They’re all over him, which has
obviously been their tactic the whole game. To sever our connection.
But they’re playing it too close to the chest, leaving one of our other
receivers, Tim Fellows, open to run. And he does.
He breaks away down the field, and I launch the ball in his direction. It’s
an overshot… One that Guty would sail to easily, being the fastest dude I’ve
ever seen. But Fellows has to sprint like his life depends on it to catch up to
the ball.
I hold my breath, watching it fall as his arms stretch out. But I miss what
happens when I’m tackled to the ground.
Scrambling out from under one of Duke’s guards, I smack his hand away
as he tries to help me up, jumping to my feet at the sounds of cheers and
howls.
Fellows caught it. He caught the ball and is running, diving toward the
end zone.
 My heart is in my throat, breathing shallowed, as he narrowly avoids
being grabbed and steps over the line before crashing to the ground.
“Fuck yes!” I roar, and the crowd goes wild as the ref calls it.
Touchdown!
We’re all going crazy, Eagles players jumping and screaming to match
the rumble in the stands. Everyone is freaking out, because it looks like we’re
gonna win this thing!
But there’s still a minute on the clock. And the way Duke’s been playing
all night, I just know Lancaster is going to try for another touchdown while
simultaneously running out the clock, so I don’t have an opportunity to get
back out on the field.
It’s all riding on our defense, which means I can’t control the situation.
Like an itch just beneath the surface of my skin.
Theo nails the extra point, which is great, but it still doesn’t placate me as
I move off of the field, listening to Coach shout things at the linebackers.
Slapping Fellows on the back, I grunt, “Nice job, kid.”
He whips off his helmet, grinning to match my own. Excited, but also
strained. Because we both know we’re not out of the woods. “That how you
always toss to Guty??” he teases breathlessly while squirting water into his
mouth from his bottle. “Fuckin’ Stretch Armstrong.”
I laugh and give him a shove. “You pulled it off.”
Removing my helmet, I hesitantly plop down on the bench, having some
water as my eyes stay fixed on the field. My knee is bouncing while I watch
Lancaster, trying to read him… Anticipate his next move.
But something distracts me. A large, dumbass form in my peripheral.
My teeth grind together, and I ignore it, even though I can feel him
getting closer, coming right the fuck up to me while Duke’s wide receiver
catches the punt on their twenty-yard line. They set up into formation with
fifty seconds on the clock, and it’s the moment of truth.
There’s the snap. Lancaster has the ball, but our guys are fucking
everywhere. He ends up handing it off and they barely gain a half-yard.
“Fuck yea,” I growl, my eyes darting right. “Get away from me, please.”
“Hell of a throw,” Avi’s muffled voice comes from inside the eagle.
“Oh, was it?” I mutter, trying my best to disregard him and watch the
game. Nerves are thrumming my stomach so hard, I feel like I could puke.
Come on, come on. We’ve got this.
“I’m guessing it was…” Avi sits down next to me, and I scoot away.
“Since we scored points and all.”
My face tilts in his direction and I give him a look that’s part baffled and
part mortified, to which he laughs. I mean, laughing as Baldwin the Eagle,
slapping his mitts down on his knees and everything.
“I’m just kidding, Jesus…” he grumbles at the look on my face. “I
understand football. I’m not a complete idiot.”
“Whatever.” I shake my head. “Just shut up. This is the most stressful
moment of my life. I don’t want to listen to you blathering like a moron.”
“Rawr… Sassy,” he hums, and my fingers dig into the bench while I fight
to ignore him, gaping from the sidelines at Duke’s third down, four yards to
gain for the first.
“Come on, come on…” I’m whispering to myself over and over, reciting
my prayers to the gods of football.
The play clock counts down, and I peek over to find Avi’s knee bouncing
the same way mine is. I narrow my gaze at him, but his attention seems to be
on the field now, too. As if maybe he does care just a little bit about the
game…
A whistle blows, and my face snaps back to the field. The ball is in the
air.
I jump to my feet. Lancaster just threw a deep one to his running back,
number eighteen, down at our twenty-five-yard line.
The dude’s arms stretch out, and my stomach sinks.
The ball dances on his fingertips. My heart stops.
But then our cornerback, Matt Naruto, flies out of fucking nowhere,
tackling the legs out from under Eighteen before he has a full grip.
And the ball is loose on the field.
A collective gasp rings out all around me, Eagles fans immediately
bellowing in the stands. Of course flags are thrown, and now I can’t see shit.
Everyone is diving all over the ball. It’s a mess.
When the ref finally stops the play, the ball is in our hands. And he calls
it.
“Fumble! Recovery, Eagles.”
“Yes!” My arms fly into the air.
Avi jumps up and does the same, everyone around us fist pumping and
cheering, celebrating getting the ball back with twenty-eight seconds left in
the game.
We fucking won!
 “We fucking won.” I let out a breath as Avi grabs my shoulders and
shakes me around.
“Yea, bitch!” he shouts, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Harbor! Let’s fucking win this thing.” Coach shoves me out onto the
field, all of us whooping and wailing and chuckling out of relief. That was
insane!
I take the field, too far away to try for anything and risk it. So instead, we
take a knee, and the game is over.
We fucking won. We beat Duke!
The crowd is going absolutely wild, as is our team. We’re all jostling
each other around, the testosterone really flying. This was a big one.
One more win and we’re going to the playoffs.
“Hey, good game, man.” Devon Lancaster comes over to shake my hand,
and with a humble grin, I shake his right back.
“You, too.”
Watching him wander off, I have to nod in respect. The dude is a class
act. Not everyone loses so gracefully. I know he’ll probably be sulking by
himself tonight, overanalyzing every move and missed opportunity. I know,
because that’s what I do.
But on the field, you keep your head up.
I won’t say I haven’t cursed and thrown my helmet before. But I can’t
stand the guys who talk shit to the other team. It doesn’t help, and it just
makes you look like a baby.
Wading through all the bodies, I make my way back to the sidelines, and
go figure, Avi comes up to me again, popping off the head of his costume.
“That was awesome, Ky.” He grins.
Squirting water into my mouth, I swallow, then huff, “Thanks.”
“Look, I kinda need to talk to you,” he murmurs, low enough that I can
just barely hear him over all the noise.
My muscles stiffen, eyes slinking in his direction. “Now is really not the
time…”
“No, I know. But you haven’t read any of my texts.” He keeps pushing. “I
just wanted to—”
“Don’t care,” I growl. “Go away, Avi.”
Turning from him, I freeze at the sight of Lexi galloping in our direction.
Oh God, here we go.
“Babe! What a game!” she squeals, launching herself at me.
 She jumps up into my arms, and like a reflex, I catch her. Her legs wrap
around my waist and my eyes widen, startled by the way she’s acting like
she’s my girlfriend. I haven’t even seen her in weeks.
Meanwhile, Avi is staring at us, brow arched as Lexi peppers my neck
with kisses. And because I fully hate the knowing look on his obnoxious
fucking face, I decide to grab her by the jaw and kiss her.
It’s for show, which feels obvious even to me, but it doesn’t stop Lexi
from slipping her tongue into my mouth and really laying it on thick. I hear a
few people murmuring around us, whooping for the quarterback and
cheerleader making out after a big win like we’re in some kind of romantic
comedy.
Peering behind Lexi while her lips move on mine, I catch Avi rolling his
eyes, shaking his head as he stomps away. As soon as he’s out of sight, I pry
my mouth from Lexi’s incessant suction, plopping her down on her feet while
I shake it off.
She runs her hands up my chest. “You wanna come over and celebrate?”
My eyes flit once more in the direction the eagle just went. “I’m uh… I’m
sort of tired.” I peek down to find her biting her lip.
“You know, I’m a pretty good masseuse…” Her eyes sparkle.
Sure, it would probably feel great… Fucking the hot girl silly after this
win. Plus, it’s what I’m expected to do. It makes sense.
So I nod slowly and rumble, “I need to be with the team right now,”
backing away from her touch. “Just for a bit. And then I’ll come by.”
She beams up at me. “Alright, sexy.” She pushes up onto her tippy toes to
kiss my lips quick, whispering, “I’ll be waiting for you.”
I gulp and force a grin, using the opportunity to slink away from her,
disappearing into the crowd of my teammates, who are all rowdy with the
excitement of the win.
We trudge back into the locker room together while my thoughts whirl. I
know it probably isn’t right to string Lexi along… I’m fully aware that I
don’t have actual feelings for her. But then hooking up with fuckhot
cheerleaders is what we do. I’m sure it would relieve any lingering stress
from the whole thing with Avi’s and my secret… job, for lack of a better
word, that doesn’t make me want to stab myself in the brain.
But even so, while I’m showering in the locker room, I can’t help how my
mind drifts to my phone sitting in my locker. And the unread texts from my
stepbrother.
 Why am I thinking about this?? I just won a huge game. I should be
celebrating by getting drunk with my teammates and letting big-titted
cheerleaders rub me down… Not dwelling on the money I need to stay on the
team and the shameful way I’ve chosen to drum up said funds.
Padding out of the shower with a towel around my waist, I linger in front
of my locker while the rest of the guys are dressing quickly.
“Yo, you coming, Nueve?” Guty asks me, gathering up his things to leave
with Theo and Naruto. “We’ve got some partying to do, pimpin’!”
They high-five one another, laughing and slapping each other’s backs.
“Yea, totally.” I grin at them. “I’m right behind you.”
They leave, bringing the raucous noise with them until I’m standing alone
in a quiet locker room with my curiosity piqued. I just need to see…
Get it over with. Read the texts so you can see what the fuck he wants and
call it a day.
Unlocking my phone, I pull up the messages from Avi. He’s been texting
me for the last few days and I haven’t even glanced at a single one. Until
now.
Avi: I sent you some $$
Avi: Sent more.
Avi: Ok mucho dinero, superstar. It’s really rolling in…
Avi: Just thought you might want to see some of the comments…
There’s a picture attached; a screenshot of comments from his OnlyFans
account. My blinking becomes rapid while I read them…
Miscellaneous strangers on the internet calling me sexy and gorgeous and
hot as fuck. DMs from Avi’s fans asking for more, offering even more money
for more content… And my head is sort of spinning.
Avi: I don’t need to tell you what this means…
Avi: I know you’re ignoring me on purpose, but if you just think of this
objectively… We could make enough for the next two years.
Avi: It’s business, Kyran. Are you really going to throw away this opportunity
because it’s a little weird…?
My stomach twists into a knot. I hate that he’s right. I hate that he feels
like he knows all the answers, and I hate the idea of money controlling what I
do.
But it’s the unfortunate truth to my situation. If I want to keep going the
way I am, with this team, winning and building my own legacy, something
that belongs to me, then I need to buck up and swallow my trepidations.
Does it suck ass that my obnoxious stepbrother is behind the wheel of this
thing? Fuck yes, it does. Because he’s right… it definitely is weird. I don’t
want more things like what happened the other day in his dorm…
But want is a luxury that, like most other things, I just can’t afford.
So with that thought and the image of even more Venmo deposits cha-
chinging in my brain, I get dressed and leave the stadium.
But instead of going back to my dorm, I go to the Thomas More
Apartments. Room 446.
Outside his door, my eyes shift up and down the hallway, making sure no
one’s around before I knock. I hear shuffling from inside, and when the door
opens a crack, I’m met with grayish-blue eyes rippling with startled
confusion.
I push my way past him inside.
“Yea, sure. Just come on in… Make yourself at home,” Avi mutters
sarcastically.
Spinning to face him, I grunt, “I’m following your advice, smartass.” He
raises a brow. “Looking at it objectively…”
Standing still in front of me for a moment, he blinks and visibly swallows
before he says, “Okay. So… what next?”
I shrug, ignoring the gnawing uncertainty in my gut. “I guess… we get to
work.”
Avi lets out a breath that seems a bit unsteady, pulling a joint from behind
his ear and lighting it. “For future reference, a little notice would be
appreciated.”
My head tilts at him. “Why? Do you have any plans? Other than smoking
yourself stupid, I mean…”
“Maybe,” he grumbles. “You don’t know what I do with my time. What if
I was gonna go out?”
He sucks in a long drag, blowing the pungent smoke in my direction. My
face scrunches in displeasure as I wave it away. “Yea, well… I’m sacrificing
my free time to be here, too. So get over it.”
“I feel so very special.” Sarcasm lines his tone as he pads around the
kitchen.
Scanning him briefly, my eyes take in what he’s wearing… Gray
sweatpants, a fitted black tank top, and a Yankees cap on backwards. At first
glance, Avi kind of looks like a jock. I don’t want to pay him any
compliments or anything, but he’s unexpectedly fit. I’ve never known him to
work out, and he eats junk food like he’s afraid the wells of trans fats are
going to dry up. Yet he’s all curves and slopes of defined muscle. A full
sleeve of tattoos on his right arm and more scattered in other places…
Shaking it off, I push my worrisome thoughts to the back of my mind,
watching as Avi stubs out his joint, then pours liquor into two solo cups. His
nails are painted chipped black, some ink marks on his knuckles that prove
he’s not, in fact, a jock, despite how he’s dressed and the way his body looks.
He’s a bizarre character… A nerd who’s not good at school. An emo kid
who smiles all the time. An artist with more muscle than some of the dudes
on my team.
He’s an aberration, and I think his haphazard personality is what makes
me dislike him so much. More than the fact that he popped up out of nowhere
and moved into my life like it’s just that easy, he’s almost impossible to pin
down, and I hate that.
I want to be able to read people… to know what their intentions are. I like
my humans transparent. And Avi is a murky mass of opaque complexities.
Stepping over, he hands me the cup. He lifts his to mine, and I give it an
apathetic tap before slugging back the shot. The liquor warms my throat,
burning its way down my esophagus and hopefully working quickly into my
bloodstream to help fog up my awareness.
I might need to be blasted every time I set foot in this place… I don’t want
to be cognizant of where this is going.
Reaching for the bottle, I pour myself some more, eyes sliding into the
living room. The couch reminds me of us being on it last time I was here…
And my stepbrother’s hand curled around my—
“Where’s the thing…?” My voice comes out rumbly, spouting words to
distract myself from the hectic way my nerves are rattling. “The tripod or
whatever…”
Avi is quiet for a moment, and when I peek at him, I find him watching
me, curiously intent; the way someone might observe a dog they think could
potentially bite them.
“In the bedroom,” he answers, slowly sipping from his cup.
Nodding, I force myself into reluctant motion, wandering in the direction
of his bedroom. Unfortunately, being inside only ripples my anxiety more.
His room is a little bigger than mine, set up the same with two beds and
two desks, though it’s obvious that only one of each are currently in use.
Avi’s bed is all rumpled, with sheets and bedding strewn about, his clothing
and belongings covering the opposite bed. I’m not surprised in the slightest
by how messy he is, since we lived in the same house for years.
Thank God we never shared a bedroom. I’d probably off myself. Sharing
a bathroom with him was enough of a headache. The way our sinks looked
was like a portal between the real world and the bizarro world. Extreme
cleanliness meets pure chaos.
Slinking into the room, I sneak a peek at the scattered papers all over his
desk, drawings of people and faces and different scenes. The detail is sort of
incredible, but I don’t want to dwell on it… Especially when I hear his bare
footsteps entering the room behind me.
“So… no roommate?” I ask, sipping from my cup. “Like, at all?”
He wanders over to the tripod, fussing with a video camera. That’s new…
The sight of it lurches my stomach up into my throat.
“Guess not…” He sighs and shrugs. “The dude never showed.”
“That’s… good.” My eyes flit to his. “I mean, for this. Privacy…”
Jesus, this is fucking awkward. Rubbing the back of my neck, I take a
larger gulp of booze. Please work faster…
Avi says nothing. He simply plops down on the bed, setting his cup on the
floor as he reclines on his elbows. I’m annoyed by how he always seems so
much more relaxed than I am. He’s perpetually unworried… and I can’t tell if
it’s a symptom of his nonstop weed intake, or if he just genuinely doesn’t
care about anything.
I end up shifting in place for a few heavy moments while Avi lies there
fiddling with his nail polish like he has all the time in the world and none of
the concerns I’m wrestling with. Finally inching over, I take a seat on the bed
by his feet, sucking down the rest of my booze.
“Is the nail polish part of your anti-establishment image or something?” I
place my empty cup on the floor.
“If that makes you feel better,” he huffs.
“I don’t feel any type of way about it…” I grunt. “I’m just making
conversation.”
His eyes settle on mine. “Did you come over here to chat, or are we
working?”
My jaw sets. “Forgive me for needing to build myself up to this… I’m not
as interested in bisexual experimentation as you are, apparently.”
“God, you’re uptight.” He drops his head back on the pillow with a
breathy chuckle. “The more pressure you put on it, the weirder it’s gonna
be.”
I glare at him. “Well, what the fuck do you suggest? Should I just fucking
dive on top of you?? I’m not attracted to you, Avi.”
His chin slopes as he aims a narrowed gaze at my face that brings
unwanted heat rushing up my neck. It must be the booze.
“You’re not?” His eyebrow arches, and I shake my head firmly. “Not
even a little…?”
“No.” My teeth grind together as he sits up.
Tugging his shirt over his head, he tosses it off to the side, and I can feel
my pulse speeding up with my nerves. I fucking despise this reaction because
it makes no sense.
I don’t want to be nervous around him… I don’t want him thinking it’s
because I enjoy doing this.
I don’t.
“You must be a really good actor then.” Avi’s lips curve at the corner,
into one of his stupid fucking dimples. “Ditch the football and you could be
the next Jake Gyllenhaal.”
Frustration tenses my muscles. “You’re not making this any easier,
asshole.”
He leans in closer, dropping a hand over my hips until he’s trapping me in
place. I try to scoot away, but there’s nowhere to go, and now my pulse is
really pounding inside my skull.
“Whether or not we’re faking this for the money, you can’t deny that you
got off, Kyran,” he mumbles. “I was there. I saw it.”
“That doesn’t mean anything…” I force myself not to focus on the heat
suddenly baking me inside this bubble of tension, his cinnamon sugar breath,
or his scent, like cloves, mild weed, and something familiar I can’t put my
finger on.
I don’t want to put my finger on it. I just want to get through this as
unscathed as possible so I can stay in school.
Focus. Think about the money.
He looks like he has a hundred more wise-ass remarks on the tip of his
tongue, but he keeps them in, lifting his hand and slowly moving it up to the
zipper on my hoodie. Our eyes meet and his brow lifts, subtly, as if he’s
asking a question.
A question my mouth wants to shout a resounding no to, but instead my
chin bobs in a small, uneasy nod.
He draws the zipper down, watching as it descends. Then he pushes the
fabric off my shoulders, and as much as I don’t want to, I help him get it off.
Sucking in a breath, I pull my t-shirt over my head before he can attempt to
do it for me, because I really don’t want it to feel like he’s undressing me…
But then his index finger draws a line along my waist, where the band of
my boxers is visible from beneath my joggers.
I snatch his wrist in my hand. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m touching you, Kyran,” he hums, impatience framing his tone.
Something about it causes an unwanted tickle in the pit of my stomach that
makes me feel sick. “Do you not want me to?”
“No,” I growl. “I don’t.”
His head slants, and he blinks knowingly at me. “Then why are you
here?”
My lips part, but I have no answer. There’s no way to do this without him
touching me. It’s the unfortunate truth to this fucked-up situation.
So I swallow down even more unrest, release his wrist, and kick off my
shoes, letting them clunk to the floor.
“You got here pretty fast after the game…” he croons, dropping a hand
onto my thigh. My throat is all dry and scratchy. “I take it that kiss with
Cheerleader Barbie didn’t go anywhere…?”
“W-why do you care?” I hate how the words stammer out of my desert-
throat.
He shrugs subtly, that goddamn hand crawling toward my crotch. My
heart is hammering, rattling my ribs as I sit, frozen, watching it like a
venomous cobra. But it diverts its path, moving up to my abs, his fingers
gently grazing my happy trail until I flinch.
“Just wondering…” His voice is a raspy whisper. The camera might not
even pick it up. “If you already got off, or if this will be over much quicker.”
“I’ll be imagining I’m with her either way,” I grunt.
The lie tastes sour on my tongue. In my mind, it’s the truth. But it doesn’t
feel that way, and my stomach rolls. I feel like Avi can tell I’m lying, though
I’m not sure how, but it’s tripping me up even more.
“Fine.” His fingers trace the lines of my abs. “Whatever you gotta do,
superstar.”
Suddenly, he grabs my forearm and flops backward, yanking me until
he’s lying on his back and I’m on top of him. I go to pull away, but he grips
me tighter, moving my arm until my hand is on his chest.
“Go ahead.” He settles beneath me. “Pretend.”
“I… I can’t…” I’m flustered to the max right now. I don’t even know
how to do this… I don’t think I can.
My eyes slink to the camera, but Avi grasps my chin, twisting my face
back. “Don’t think about that. Just close your eyes and pretend I’m her.”
“But you’re not,” I hiss, feeling flush in my face from how close we are…
The position of my knees on either side of his thigh.
The fact that there’s no pussy or tits in the general vicinity… Only a dick
attached to my least favorite person in the world.
“Come on… You’re Kyran Harbor.” He smirks. “I thought you backed
down from nothing.”
He’s right. I hate it, but he is.
I refuse to let this stupid fucking situation I’m in beat me down. I’ve been
fighting since I was a kid, and this is no different.
Channeling my nerves into fuel, the same way I do on the field, I close
my eyes and lower myself over him.
Shakily, my hand slides up his chest. It helps that his skin is smooth and
warm, though all I feel beneath its surface are boulders of muscle, like my
own. It’s strange, and when our chests meet, I feel his tautness brushing mine
in the most unexpected of sensations.
I’ve only ever felt tits on my chest. As curved as his pecs are, they’re not
tits, and I’m painfully aware of that fact as I seal us together. But I ignore it,
grinding myself into him slowly.
I can feel him breathing, his heart rapping against my chest as I squeeze
my eyes shut tighter and move my lips to his neck. They rest there for a
moment, but when his Adam’s apple dips in a hearty swallow, I have to move
away, because it’s too real.
He’s too much of a guy, and it’s too obvious for my brain to ignore.
Taking on a new tactic when his head turns, I go for his earlobe, sucking it
between my lips.
This is something I can do to pretend he’s a girl…
But he lets out a rumbly sound, and I stiffen.
“Don’t make that noise,” I whisper sternly, flicking my tongue in his ear,
sucking the lobe again until he squirms beneath me.
“I can’t help it…” His hands glide onto my shoulders. “It feels good.”
A twitch happens between my legs. I don’t want it to, but it does, and it
turns my stomach some more.
“I felt that…” Avi chuckles.
“Shut the fuck up,” I growl and bite his ear.
Another twitch happens on my dick… But this one didn’t come from me.
“You’re so fucking gay.” I press my hips down, and he breathes a ragged
groan that stiffens my erection against my will.
“Say that with my cock in your mouth,” he rumbles, giving my shoulders
a gentle push.
Pulling back, I glare at him. “Not gonna happen. Ever.”
“I think it will…” He bites his lip, eyes falling to my mouth. “For the
right price.”
“No.” My stomach twists up like a pretzel, chills sheeting my flesh.
Despite how burning hot I seem to be, my nipples are bunched up and
hard as stones, brushing on his, until I shudder. He smirks, fingers gliding up
my neck into my hair while I scowl.
“They would love to see it, though, Ky.” His tone is taunting, downright
villainous, the grayish blue in his irises dark and glittering.
“I’m not sucking your dick, Avi.” I gulp down the saliva filling my
mouth. “End of discussion.”
“What if we do it together?” His head slants, placating me with his
bargaining.
I blink at him. “You mean like… you suck while I… suck?”
He nods. “That way it’s even.” One hand lifts and his fingertip grazes my
lower lip. “And you won’t have time to worry about what your mouth is
doing because you’ll be focused on how good it feels.”
I’m fucking rigid and my heart rate seems to be echoing its thumps all
over my body… Even between my legs. I don’t know why… I have no
earthly idea why my balls are humming and my dick is throbbing full and
thick in my pants, but it’s happening.
Call it eagerness to be sucked, I guess. Because let’s be real here… Every
dick just wants to be sucked, no matter by whom. I’m choosing to blame the
fact that I’m even considering this on booze and my inherent male desire to
blow my load into a mouth.
“I can feel you forcing yourself to fight against this, so let me just save
you the trouble…” Avi moves his hands down, slipping his fingers into the
waistband of my boxers.
Before I can even process it, he’s shoving them down, with my pants,
until they’re below my ass, and my dick is out, resting on his stomach. I want
to protest so badly, but my body isn’t responding. I’m just hovering over him,
breathing heavily, with my cock flinching, filling and stretching before both
of our eyes.
Distracting myself with words, I ask, “Have you ever… done it before?”
He shakes his head, pushing his own pants down. His dick is just as hard
as mine, which I guess takes some of the humiliation away. “No… But I’d be
lying if I said I wasn’t a little curious…”
“More than a little,” I croak. “That’s why this is all so easy for you…
You’re just itching to add cock to the menu, aren’t you, bro?”
His hand wraps around both of our shafts, and I stifle a gasp. “At least I
can be honest about it.”
“Ffuck… off…” I bite my lip to hide a groan at the sensation of his hand
and his dick rubbing on mine.
“You can’t lie about what turns you on when your dick is out, Kyran,” he
hums, stroking us together with leisurely pumps of his fist. “It’s stiff as fuck
and leaking on me…”
This is too real…
My body jumps into fight-or-flight, and I jerk myself away from him. But
I don’t go far, rolling onto my side and raking my hand through my hair
while I catch my breath. Avi slithers out of his pants, flipping around so that
his face is in line with my dick and his dick is in my face.
“W-wait… Hold on,” I rasp with my head reeling.
“Would it make you feel better if I started?” he asks, mildly sympathetic
to my ongoing hesitation, but only a little. He mostly sounds like he wants to
get this show on the road, which reminds me that it’s just business.
So I nod, and he shoves my pants down farther, swooping them off my
legs completely. And now we’re both naked, in his bed together.
Naked stepbrothers… in a bed that’s barely big enough for the two of us.
How is this my life right now??
But I have no time to protest or debate further, because a strong hand is
curling around my hipbone, lips descending over the head of my dick.
“Ohh, fuck…” The words gust out before I can stop them, my eyes falling
to Avi’s upside-down mouth sucking on my cock.
Oh God… He’s sucking… my… dick.
It’s gentle, tentative, the way he sucks, like hasn’t the slightest clue how
to do what he’s doing. But I guess the act is pretty self-explanatory, and he
eases into it, sliding me deeper between his lips.
It feels absolutely euphoric, and I don’t want it to. But the wires of my
desire seem to be crossed because as much as I know this is something I’ve
never allowed myself to want, I can’t help but chase the slippery wet warmth
of his tongue and the way he’s groaning on my erection.
“Fuck me, that feels good.” My eyes close, submitting instantly to the
sensation, the tingle in my balls, and the captivating flutter of his tongue over
my swollen tip as it frees itself between his plush lips.
Avi uses his grip on me to haul himself closer, and when I open my eyes,
his dick is right in front of me with a shiny pearl of precum at its tip. Biting
my lip, I stare as it leaks out, another one following it, and I can’t stop my
mind from swirling around the idea that it’s happening because he’s really
enjoying himself.
The sucking stops, and he pulls his mouth away, breathing ragged breaths
as he fists my cock, stroking it slowly. “This is feeling sort of one-sided, Ky.”
“Sorry…” I mumble, working myself up to it.
His tongue flicks my crown as he jerks me, playing with the skin around
it until my lashes flutter. Chills sheet my body, and I close my eyes, inching
forward and opening my mouth.
“Kyran…” he whimpers, and my balls thump. “Suck me.”
The shivering groan that leaves my lips is replaced by the head of his
cock as I lower onto him. It’s business… It’s just…
There’s something going on here… Something is wrong with me because
having him in there sends a bolt of lightning zapping through my loins.
Avi grunts, then moans on my cock, sucking up, then popping off. “I like
the way you taste…”
Fuck me. Fuck me fuck me fuck me, what is going on…?
Keeping my jaw open wide enough to fit him, I slide just a little deeper,
groaning on his cock as he pumps it gradually in and out of my mouth. I’m
not sucking much, but more than anything, I find myself hypnotized by the
way his hips are working, spearing himself between my lips.
I press my hands onto his thighs, attempting to hold him back for fear that
if he goes too deep, I’ll gag. I’m so fucking nervous, tight all over, muscles
bunching in uncertainty and the delicious pleasure of him sucking on me like
a fiend.
Avi’s mouth slurps off my dick, and he runs soft, moist lips down to my
nuts, lapping at them over and over while he shivers. “God, Ky, that feels so
fucking good… Jesus…”
Warmth blooms in the pit of my stomach, spreading a blaze inside me
that makes no fucking sense. I don’t know what about the praise is clicking in
some deep, dark corner of my mind, but it’s all I can think about. My hands
cup his ass, and I pull him for more, sticking out my tongue and letting him
ride it with gentle flicks of his hips until he’s so deep, his balls are in my
face.
It doesn’t even register for minutes of him humping my mouth that I’m
not gagging. I haven’t even gagged once, and his head is lurching deeper and
deeper into my throat like it’s reaching for my tonsils.
Avi moves himself on top of me, kneeling over my shoulders and bracing
himself on my thighs as he fucks down between my lips, using his to suck
and suck and suck on my cock until I’m going cross-eyed.
I have no idea where I am anymore. I don’t know who I am… I couldn’t
even tell you my name. I’m just sweating and burning alive, writhing beneath
a large, scorching hot body of muscle while far more inches than I can even
comprehend rut into my mouth.
My saliva is gathering, and it has nowhere to go. I’m forced to swallow it,
and when I do, my throat contracts around Avi’s cock, causing him to
shudder and groan.
I’m wound the fuck up, dizzy from the slow rough suction, like he’s
purposely trying to be as thorough as possible with my dick in his mouth. I
think he’s aiming to suck my orgasm out like a milkshake through a thin
straw… which is exactly what’s about to happen.
I wouldn’t be able to hold it off if I tried. And to be honest, I’m really
not… Because right now, I want nothing more than to fucking come.
Avi has his fingers around my nuts, massaging and squeezing them while
he rides me at both ends, fucking me with his mouth and fucking my mouth
with his cock. I barely even notice that I’m gripping his ass for dear life,
clutching him while our bodies grind together, muscles tensed in anticipation
of a sweet fucking release.
He smashes his hips against my face, feeding his big cock into my throat
while I struggle to breathe.
Then he releases my dick, all wet and swollen as he whimpers, “Kyran…
I’m gonna come. Fuck yess, I’m gonna… come.”
Even if I wanted to, there’s no moving away. I’m trapped beneath him.
But the sickest part is that as soon as the words leave his lips, I’m waiting for
it. Like it’s my reward for doing well… I want it.
And I get it, in hot, thick spurts shooting all over my tongue.
The taste sets me off. I don’t know why… How this is even possible, but
the salty slick fluid being pumped into my throat launches me into immediate
orgasm.
With Avi’s mouth back on my cock, sucking me through sensual hums, I
burst, feeding him heavy, aching pulses. Groaning and digging my fingers
into his flesh, my world topples off its axis and goes spiraling out into the
blackness of the universe.
“Mm… mmm mm mmm…” My unintelligible cries are muffled by the
cock in my mouth, which is probably a good thing. I have no clue what I
would be saying right now if I weren’t obstructed, but I don’t think I have
control over my words.
Fuck… yes… come… come come coming, so… good…
Our movements slow, hips finally easing to a halt as we fizzle down from
the high of a baffling, inexplicable mouthful of climax we both swallowed up
like thirsty little cum sluts.
It was joint effort… A shared orgasmic experience.
And because of that, for a brief moment, I feel connected.
I’m not sure if it’s to Avi, or maybe just the moment, but a mist of
serenity has sheeted my body and my mind. And I’m settled.
Everything is gone… The uncertainty, the insecurity, the doubt. The
terrible, awful pitch-black devastation I’ve lived with for so many years… it
feels like it’s all evaporated.
Like someone left the window open in my mind, and it all just flew away
out into the open air.
Avi pulls himself off of me, severing the connection as he topples onto
his side. I haul in a deep breath, suddenly much colder without the weight of
him holding me down.
I’m… where…?
He flips around as my eyelids creep open, and the first thing I see is his
face. Forehead lined in worry, periwinkle irises sparkling down at me.
Avi is never worried, or concerned…
He doesn’t care… At least, that’s what I’d thought.
“Ky…” he breathes, fingers trailing along my jaw while I just gawk at
him like I’ve never actually seen him before. “Are you alright??” I blink, and
his hand glides down to rest over my heart. “I’m sorry. I think I was like…
suffocating you. I totally didn’t mean to—”
My face inches up, upper body pushing me completely on its own, and I
press my lips to his.
Who am I…?
This isn’t me… This is someone else.
Avi is stiff, maybe shocked or surprised by what I’m doing, but only for a
moment before his lips part over mine and he kisses me back.
Who are you…?
How…
He purrs on my mouth, touching his tongue to mine. And something
snaps.
Reality slams back into focus. And I yank my face back.
“What the fuck…” I choke, fumbling away and clearing my throat. “No.
No, no… Fuck that.” Scrambling, I sit up fast and grab my clothes. “No, this
isn’t me.”
“Ky…” Avi sounds echoey as I stumble off the bed and jump into my
pants as fast as my wobbly legs will allow. “Hey… wait.”
“Fuck off,” I snap, my voice still too breathy. I don’t sound like me…
Because this isn’t you, moron. That was someone else.
You don’t do things like that. You don’t like things like that.
I’m struggling to get redressed so quickly, I’m practically falling over.
Lightheaded and confused… I need to get the fuck out of here.
“Kyran, will you just calm down for a second…” Avi grumbles, standing
up and pulling on his sweatpants.
“Shut this fucking thing off!” I bark, gesturing to the camera while I pull
my shirt on. “It’s over, Avi. It’s done. Shut it the fuck off.”
“Okay, okay,” he breathes, baffled in distress. It sounds bizarre to my
ears, because he doesn’t usually sound like that. Like he cares… Why does he
suddenly care?? “It’s off, Jesus. Can you just chill for a second, please?”
My head shakes viciously as I slip my arms into my hoodie. “Nope. No
need to chill. We got what we needed, and that’s all that matters.”
My jaw is straining, heart racing. I peek at him, and he cocks his head,
like he doesn’t understand what I’m saying.
I roll my eyes. “It was an act, Avi. Business, remember?”
His eyes are wide as he gapes at me for a few heavy seconds of silence.
I don’t have time for this…
Turning away in a huff, I storm out of the room, heading for the door.
 “Kyran, goddamnit, just wait a second!” he calls after me, and I force
myself to stop.
Spinning to face him, we stare at each other, both sets of eyes rounded
with varying emotions. I can tell he wants to say something and I’m pleading
with all the cosmic forces I don’t believe in to just keep him quiet.
Eventually, his shoulders slump and he asks, “You good?”
Swallowing down the taste of him on my tongue, my scowl slips back
into place. “Fucking wonderful.”
I’m out of his dorm in a flash, slamming the door a little too hard behind
me.
I’m in control.
I’ve got this.
Everything is fucking fine.
 BigD1ck1978: I’ll bend you over and show you the galaxy
TieMeUp69: @Backwardz_Cap I’ve never wanted a man to ride my face upside down as
much as I want you to

Sub_way1010: PLEASE CHOKE THE LIFE OUT OF ME, I’LL SAY THANK YOU! xo

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if he’d never died…
Growing up without a father isn’t easy. But like most things, we adapt to
it, and we move on. Human beings are built to persevere. We have the
fascinating ability to come to terms with the drastic changes of life. We
modify, alter, and adjust… We live, because that’s what we’re made to do.
To keep going on until the wayward forces of the universe stop us in one way
or another.
Ultimately, that’s what life is. Living until you die.
That said, I often stop and think about how different things could have
ended up if Arlo Vega hadn’t fallen off that scaffolding. If his life hadn’t
come to an early end… Would I even be here right now?
I highly doubt it. I know there are forces at work, a path we’re guided
down, like one of this Choose Your Own Adventure books. Each step brings
us in a new direction, to a divergent conclusion. And I’m sure that if I went
back and somehow stopped my father from going to work that day, things
would have turned out very differently.
We probably would have stayed in New York… Or maybe even moved to
Madrid. My father has family there, and in Barcelona. I remember him
talking about taking us when I was little…
 But we never got the chance, and instead, because of this path, we ended
up here. In Boston…
Where I’m currently in a good old-fashioned pickle of sexual turmoil
with my own damn stepbrother.
As has become the standard, I haven’t spoken to Kyran in many days,
since the epic incident of sixty-nine that completely obliterated any and all
questions as to whether or not I enjoy hooking up with dudes. I think at this
point, it’s safe to say that I’m fully bisexual… Because in all honesty, I did
not hate having a dick in my mouth.
Didn’t hate it one bit.
But of course, me discovering this new piece of the puzzle that is my
sexuality isn’t the cumbersome part. The snag lies in the fact that I had this
revelation while going to town on the severely impressive dick of my asshole
stepbrother, who, if I had to wager, is probably not joyously celebrating this
newfound clarity the way I am.
Kyran is a complicated fellow. As much as I don’t want to give him credit
for being anything more than a preppy, privileged do-gooder with one of the
best arms in the NCAA, Kyran Harbor is definitely deeper than what you see
on his stoic, collegiate surface. He’s got stuff going on, that much is clear.
And because of his shrouded composition, I can’t tell if he’s really just
forcing himself through the things we’ve done together out of sheer
desperation, or if a part of him is itching to figure out a new, hidden side of
himself, the way I am.
I wasn’t born yesterday. Kyran obviously enjoyed himself during both of
our collaborations. Those two instances are the only times I can think of
when I’ve gotten even the slightest glimpse into who he really is… When
he’s dropped his guard for just long enough to unwind that tightly coiled
control and give in to impulse.
At the same time, though, a hand is just a hand… And a mouth is just a
mouth. So maybe he was really pretending a girl was doing those things in
order to get through it. For the fans. And more importantly, for their money.
My subscribers doubled after posting that video, and now the fans are
utterly freaking rabid. They’re foaming at the mouth for more of Kyran and
me, which is always a difficult subject to broach, since he has a tendency to
disappear for days after we film, I’m guessing to rewire his robot brain and
convince himself it never happened.
In Kyran’s defense, he also had an away game in Miami the day after
Thanksgiving, so that could be part of the reason why I haven’t heard from
him in two weeks. The Eagles kicked the crap out of the Hurricanes on Black
Friday, and for all my claims that I only do the mascot thing as a joke—
another way to annoy the crap out of my stepbrother—I’ll admit, I watched
the game. And I may or may not have jumped up and cheered a few times
when said stepbrother threw some diesel touchdown passes. But you won’t
catch me broadcasting that.
Thanksgiving in the house was quietly tense, but it was still good to see
Mom and spend some time with her. Although, the awkwardness piqued
when she asked me what I’ve been doing for money, and I had to make up a
part-time job on campus on the fly.
I told her I get paid to be the mascot, which is entirely untrue, and that
I’ve also been working in one of the dining halls. Thankfully, she has too
much on her own plate to be worrying about me right now, so simply
assuring her that I’m fine and I’m figuring it out was enough to thwart the
third degree.
I don’t like lying to my mom, but what other choice do I have? I can’t
very well tell her that I’m slowly turning into a gay pornstar, and that my
tuition money is coming from videos of me sucking orgasms out of her
husband’s son.
I can still feel his fingers digging into the flesh of my ass, the tightness of
his throat squeezing my cock while he moaned and gasped on it… The flavor
of him pouring pleasure into my mouth as our heated bodies trembled and
shivered…
Jesus. I don’t think anything has ever felt so good, which is a problem,
because I’m really not supposed to be thinking about it that way. If it was any
other dude on the planet, it wouldn’t be so bad. But this is Kyran we’re
talking about…
We’re only doing this to make money. Point blank.
But then… he kissed me.
Naturally, he snapped out of it fast and stormed away, which is more on
brand for the Kyran we all know and dislike. But I can’t shake the feeling of
his lips…
They’re so soft.
Okay, stop it, brain. Stop thinking about him and move on with your life.
I have one more class for the day and then it’s the weekend. It’s a bi-
week, so there’s no football tonight, and I’m all geared up to spend the
evening smoking some grade-A kush, ordering Chinese takeout, and maybe
drawing for a while before I inevitably find myself curled up on the couch
again with Robin, watching Netflix in my underwear.
The perfect introvert’s Friday night.
A couple of hours later, I run into Frankie while cutting through the quad
after class. I haven’t seen her since last weekend when I met up with the crew
at her apartment, where we all adjourned to her living room floor for weed
and Rosé, classy bitches that we are.
“Where are you headed off to next?” she asks while we stroll, arm-in-
arm, toward the Green Line.
“I have an epic night planned,” I tell her with a grin. “I’m gonna smoke
myself stupid and binge-watch serial killer documentaries with my hand in
my pants.”
Frankie snorts. “As awesome, and completely un-sad as that sounds,
cancel it. You’re coming to a party with us instead.”
My lips slope into a frown. “Party? That would require me putting on
actual clothes and engaging with humans.” I shake my head. “No, no. Too
much effort. Sorry, love.”
She gives me a hard yank on the arm. “Stop being a hermit. Let fun Avi
out of his cage for the night!”
“But… it’s so cold,” I whine and pout.
“Come on, dude.” She rolls her eyes. “We all know how wild you are…
Backwardz_Cap.” I narrow my gaze at her, and she smirks wickedly. “Or is
that side of you only reserved for stepbrother sexy times now?”
“Shhh!” My eyes widen and flick all around us. There’s nobody nearby,
but still.
Frankie laughs. “Seriously, man. I still can’t believe you got him to do
that stuff. Muy caliente.” She fans herself.
“Why are you watching my videos??” I snap quietly.
“Uh, because they’re hot as fuck,” she replies casually. “I’m not even
ashamed to say that last one got me all kinds of moist.”
“You’re being gross,” I grumble petulantly, shoving her toward the
station. “And to think I offered to chivalrously walk you to your train. I say
good day!”
Twirling away from her, I take a tentative step before she grabs me by my
coat.
“You’re coming to this party tonight, Aviel,” she insists in that Frankie
tone that means I have zero choice in the matter.
A scoff turns to a sigh as I mutter, “Where even is it?? I’m not going all
the way down to the Hammond Street dorms…”
“Well, you’re in luck, darling,” she chirps. “It’s right up by you. In
Walsh.”
I squint at her. “Whose party is it exactly?”
She pauses for a moment before she answers, “Theo Reeves.”
“Oh, hell no.” I shake my head. “Absolutely not.”
“Whyyy?” She pouts.
“Because he’s the Eagles kicker! He’s one of Kyran’s best friends, and
it’ll be in Kyran’s building. There’s no way… I will not invite disaster like
that.”
Frankie tugs my sleeve over and over. “But it’ll be fun! We’re all going.”
“Don’t care.” I stand firm in my decision. “I’m not going to a party with a
bunch of football players, aka my stepbrother’s friends, to watch them do keg
stands and make out with girls.”
She shoots me a knowing sneer of a look. “So that’s why you don’t want
to go… Because you’re afraid your secret hook-up buddy will be there with
his cheerleader girlfriend…”
“Okay, first of all, she’s not his girlfriend.” My jaw clenches while
Frankie tilts her head and smirks. “Second of all, I don’t care… And third of
all…” My voice trails off in my state of fluster. “Whatever. It doesn’t
matter… I’m just not going. And why the hell would you guys want to go to
their party anyway?? Football players are beyond lame.”
“Bea wants to hook up with Theo.” Frankie shrugs.
Huffing, I rub my eyes. Bea has been crushing on Theo since last year.
They make out on occasion, sort of casually, but I know Bea, wily little thing
that she is, is itching to get him naked. I can’t say I don’t get it… Theo is
pretty hot.
But that’s off topic. And how come the only guys I’m registering as hot
are football players??
My thoughts are spiraling. The point is that I do not want to intentionally
put myself in the same shared space with Kyran, especially after what we’ve
done together.
Us alone is dangerous… With people around? It’s a recipe for
destruction.
“You can’t avoid him forever, Avi,” Frankie’s voice chimes into my
obsessing. “You go to the same school. If you guys are going to keep up this
clandestine side-hustle, you’ll need to learn how to coexist without it being
awkward.” She nudges me while I consider her words. “I mean, think about
your next family gathering! Aren’t you both going home for Christmas?”
Ugh… fuck me. I hadn’t even thought of that.
I guess I was gifted Thanksgiving dinner without Kyran. Who knows
what it would have been like if he was there…
Frankie has a point, which irritates me. Gorging myself on Chinese food
and watching TV would be so much less involved…
“Alright, fine…” I mumble, and she jumps around in celebration. “I’ll
consider it! No promises…”
“Lovely.” Frankie kisses me on the cheek, immediately darting away
toward the train. But she peeks over her shoulder to call out, “Make sure you
look hot! Gotta impress your secret boyfriend…” She winks, and I’m
seething.
“I don’t fucking—” I shout after her, but she’s already gone as I sigh the
word, “care.”
It’s true. I don’t care about impressing Kyran, and I know she’s just
fucking with me. But for some reason, my nerves are swinging inside me.
And my hands are sweating.
Biting my lip, I turn and stalk back in the direction of my dorm.
God, what the fuck am I gonna wear??

This is a bad idea.

That fact hasn’t changed throughout the entire course of the last few
hours, while I was smoking, and showering, and smoking and getting
dressed, and smoking again while standing in front of the mirror, assessing
my choice of wardrobe.
I settled on my favorite black boots, ripped black jeans, and a red-and-
black flannel button-down. My hair is mussed up, just the way I like it, and
my nails are freshly painted, the standard black I always use.
Except that now, all I can think of is Kyran’s comment the last time I saw
him.
 I really don’t care that he noticed it… I’ve been painting my nails black
for years. But now that he said something, I can’t stop hearing his words
every time I look at them.
My anti-establishment image… Pfft. What a sheep.
Although, I guess maybe that is why I started doing it…
Goddamn him. He ruins everything.
He even somehow managed to ruin my first bisexual experience. Now,
every time I think about fooling around with a guy, I’ll see his stupid face.
Bleh.
I’m in a mood as I take the stairs up to Theo’s floor of the Walsh
Residence Hall. As soon as I’m in the hallway, I hear music and voices,
which amps up my jittering even more. I hate coming to parties on my own. I
knew I should have called Zeb or Micah to see if I could meet up with them
and go together.
I made sure to arrive fashionably late, because as much as I dislike parties
like this, showing up before everyone is loosey goosey sounds a million times
worse. Meandering up to the door, I peer into the party. Right away, I spot
Bea talking to Theo, and I decide to buck up and go say hi.
Wandering inside to the thumping bass and smooth melody of Two Feet,
I keep my head down, ignoring the he doesn’t belong here gazes sticking on
me like static cling. I avoid making eye contact and head straight for Bea. But
an arm grabs me before I can get to her.
“Hey, girl, heyy!” Zeb kisses me on both cheeks like we’re somewhere in
Europe.
“Look who made it!” Micah cheers.
“Sup…” I mumble, forcing my eyes not to travel around in search of my
stepbrother.
“Ooh… someone’s not fucked up enough.” Zeb pouts. “Here. Take this.”
He hands me his cup. I sniff it and wince. “Jesus… What is this??”
“It’s my signature cocktail.” He grins. “I call it the Sex With Zeb On the
Beach.”
“My mom told me not to accept drinks from strangers,” I chuckle, then
take a large gulp from the cup. “Hopefully these roofies kick in quick.”
“Amen, sister,” Zeb sneers. “Can’t wait to have my filthy way with you.”
He winks, and I give him a look.
“This drink, like the idea of sex with you, is completely disgusting,” I
tease, and he feigns outrage. “Where’s Frankie?”
 Sipping the drink again, I look around, already feeling warmed up,
partially from the booze, but also from the comfort of having my friends
around. They always help to improve my mood. I don’t feel like any less of
an outcast, but when I’m with them, we’re all outcasts together.
“Believe it or not, she’s chatting up your all-star quarterback stepbrother.”
Micah nods across the room.
My spine stiffens, and my pulse instantly speeds back up when I spot
them over on the couch. Frankie is talking to Kyran, who’s smiling
pleasantly, laughing at whatever outrageous thing I’m sure she’s saying.
A strange knot forms in my stomach while I watch them… The way
Kyran is leaned back and sort of relaxed. Frankie’s hand on his knee.
Are they… flirting??
There’s no way… Kyran is not Frankie’s type at all, and she’s definitely
not his type either.
But then my mind flicks through images of them making out, her stroking
his dick and him licking her pussy… During our haphazard attempt at a
threesome, which led us down this confusing and complicated path that we’re
now on.
So I guess Kyran was just into her that night…
Hm.
Slugging back the rest of the gasoline that is Zeb’s drink, I cough and
shove the cup at him. “Make me another one, please.”
Zeb lights up, but I can barely focus on it. I’m too busy watching Frankie
trail her long, sparkly nails along my stepbrother’s shoulder.
“I think they hooked up,” Micah says, and my face whips in his direction.
“What??”
“Yea… At her Halloween party,” he goes on, and my shoulders drop back
along with my perplexing dread.
“Oh…” My eyes nonchalantly swoop back over to them.
“I saw him leaving her bedroom that night, and then he bounced right
after.”
I peer at Micah. Well, I guess he didn’t see me also emerging from said
bedroom, so I guess that’s a good thing.
“I thought he was dating that cheerleader girl.” Micah sips from his cup.
“Lexi something…”
“They’re not together,” I blurt out, and he cocks an eyebrow at me. “I
mean, like officially. I don’t think…”
 What the hell is wrong with me??
And where the hell is Zeb with that drink?
A moment later, Zeb traipses over with his arm extended to hand me the
cup. “I made you a double.”
Snatching it, I drink it fast, ignoring the severe burn.
“Actually, maybe more of a triple…” he hums. “Go easy, hot stuff. There
are like five different kinds of booze in there.”
“Mhm…” I mutter, tuning him out as my focus draws back to Kyran and
Frankie like it’s magnetized.
Frankie looks up and spots me, grinning deviously as she waves me over.
I shake my head at her, but she narrows her gaze, giving me one of her
insistent looks. Ignoring my better judgement, I mumble to Micah and Zeb
that I’ll be right back, making my way across the room while trying to move
as casually as possible.
Kyran doesn’t notice me until I’m standing right in front of him. But
when he does, his face drops and even pales a little, like he’s just seen a ghost
whose cum he swallowed.
“Bae!” Frankie squeals, grabbing my hand and yanking me until I
stumble down onto the couch. And because she’s pure evil, she moves over
just in time so that I end up wedged between her and Kyran. “Bae’s here!”
Kyran scoots away from me, clearing his throat and gazing into his cup. I
peek at him, our eyes locking for a split second before he goes back to
searching his drink for an escape from this awkward situation.
“Hey…” I grumble to Kyran while I lean away from him, into Frankie’s
side. My eyebrow arches suspiciously at her. “What’s going on, bestie?”
“Oh, nothing,” she sings, resting her head on my shoulder. “We were just
chatting.”
“About what?” I ask her in a hushed growl. She smirks and winks at me,
but doesn’t answer.
This girl is testing me today.
“What are you doing here, Avi?” Kyran grunts from my right, and I turn
to face him.
He’s showing off his typical scowl. Because clearly awkwardness is
nothing compared to his distaste for my presence.
“Well, Kyran, judging by all the people, booze, and music, I’m gonna
say… I’m here to do everyone’s taxes.” I roll my eyes and sip my drink while
Frankie giggles.
 “Listen, smartass,” he hisses, not amused in the slightest by my wit.
“There are a million other parties you could go to. You don’t need to come to
the ones hosted by my friends.”
I scoff. “Don’t be such a whiny douche. My friends are here, too. My
friends are canoodling with your friends.” I gesture to Bea and Theo, who are
visibly flirting a few feet away. “So why don’t you just chill out, hm?”
“If you tell me to chill out one more time…” Kyran snarls, inching in
closer like a rabid wolf about to pounce.
“This is exactly what I was waiting for,” Frankie hums, and we both glare
at her. She’s grinning wickedly, watching us with wide, sparkling eyes and
extreme interest.
“Whatever.” I stand up, tugging Frankie with me by her arm. “I don’t
need to sit here and listen to your pity party. The actual party is much more
fun.”
Dragging Frankie away, I swallow the rest of what’s in my cup, my neck
and face all hot from the booze and the frustration Kyran carries around with
him like an airborne toxin. I can definitely feel the effects of the drinks
making me a little swimmy, but I push past it and march over to Zeb,
demanding another one of his lethal cocktails.
I’m gonna need it with Grouchy McAsshole over there glaring at me all
night.
“Why were you sitting with him??” I ask Frankie in a hushed, accusatory
tone. “You know he hates me, and any time we’re within a few feet of each
other, it’s the opposite of a good time.”
“Oh, you mean like the terrible times you guys have recorded for your
OnlyFans?” She slants her head, wearing a knowing smirk.
My eyes widen and bounce around to make sure no one heard. Which,
once again, they didn’t.
Frankie rolls her eyes. “Okay, Avi, now you need to chill out. I was just
talking to him. And cards on the table, I was hoping you’d show up and bring
that smoldering tension you two can’t help but make together.” She nudges
me and leans in to whisper in my ear, “Maybe it’ll help drum up some more
spicy content for later.”
My jaw clenches. “You’re meddling, Frances. Leave it alone.”
She shrugs unapologetically, spinning to talk to Micah. And my eyes
slide back over to the couch. But Kyran is gone.
Letting out a breath of relief, and maybe something else I don’t care to
analyze, I accept yet another drink from Zeb, and the four of us get to
partying, which is what I came here for, despite what my jerk of a stepbrother
thinks.
The night surges on. People are getting pretty drunk, shouting and
laughing, dancing and hooking up. I finally get to see Bea for a few, and of
course she has to tell me all about how she touched Theo’s dick earlier and
how she just knows it’s big and beautiful.
I’m trying to pace myself with the drinking, but I can’t help it. Kyran is
across the room all night, fucking around with his football friends and
shooting me the occasional death-glare. It’s annoying because I thought I’d
gotten over his assholish ways. But ever since we started recording things
together, it’s like his mood is affecting me more than I want it to, and it’s
pissing me off.
Kyran’s roommate, Guty, gets into the middle of the room and starts
breakdancing, which is as hilarious as it is awesome. We’re all cackling and
cheering for him as Zeb pokes me in the side.
“That dude is so fucking hot,” he whispers to me, and I curl my neck to
drunkenly gawk at him. “What?? He is…”
“He’s also like… the straightest straight guy ever invented.” I chuckle,
watching Guty move.
Zeb shrugs. “Challenge accepted.”
Rolling my eyes, I huff at his nonsense, my gaze traveling over the crowd
of people swaying and moving to the music. It stops short when I see Lexi
Erikson, Kyran’s cheerleader pal, with her hands running up his chest. She’s
whispering something in his ear, and he kind of looks bored. But still, his
hand is resting on her waist while she kisses his jaw.
Then his eyes lock on mine. Bringing my cup to my lips, I use it to
distract myself and try to remain indifferent. But I can’t seem to break the
staring contest. And now Lexi is licking his ear… sucking on his earlobe.
Like he did to me. In secret.
My eyebrow quirks at him, the subtlest of unintentional smirks gracing
my lips. And his eyes fill with visible rage. He grabs Lexi by the face and
kisses her, rough and deep. Almost aggressively, making out with the blonde
bimbo like he’s digging for gold in her mouth with his tongue.
I mean, really… does he even want to kiss her?? What is he trying to
accomplish right now??
I keep watching him, and his eyes creep open, settling on mine once more
while his lips move audaciously with Lexi’s.
Okay… dramatic much?
We get it, you like girls. Who doesn’t??
I’m getting sort of fed up with this party, and the anxiety this whole
stupid experience seems to be breeding inside me for no fucking reason.
Turning away, I spot Bea on Theo’s shoulders while he gallops around the
room like a horse. Weaving through the bodies, I stagger over to them.
“Babe, I might take off…” I tell Bea as she rips a shot from a bottle of
Fireball.
“No! Don’t leave yet!” she whines.
“Yea, bro!” Theo slurs. “It’s so early.”
“It’s really not that early…” I mutter, pulling a joint and my lighter from
my shirt pocket.
“Oooh, good idea!” Bea hops off Theo’s back. “Let’s toke toke.” She
turns and bats her eyelashes at him. “Can we please smoke in your bathroom,
sex muffin?”
Theo looks like he wants to protest, but Bea’s really laying it on thick,
dragging her nails over his abs through his shirt.
He purses his lips. “Fine. But blow the smoke into some toilet paper or
something.” Bea squeals and kisses his cheek, grabbing me by the arm. “And
use a shit-ton of Febreze!”
“This ain’t my first rodeo, cowboy!” I call out to him and wink as Bea
drags me toward the bathroom.
“Excuse me, thank youuu,” she hums, throwing herself in front of people
who were waiting for the bathroom, shoving me inside and closing the door
behind us.
Laughing, I light up the joint, pulling in a long drag before handing it to
her.
I grab an empty toilet paper roll and stuff it with toilet paper for a
makeshift vaporizer, blowing the smoke into it while Bea showers us in
Febreze.
“Isn’t Theo so fucking hot??” She spins in circles.
I try to scoff, but it comes out more like an actual laugh. “How would I
know…”
“Avi, come on,” she mumbles, waving away the excess smoke. “We both
know you’re dabbling in dudes.”
I freeze. “Says who…?”
 “Says me.” She grins, and I relax a little. “And you. Because you told me
and Frankie you thought that guy in the movie we watched the other day was
sexy.”
My brows zip together while I struggle to recall what she’s talking about.
Man, I really need to stop talking to people when I’m drunk and high…
“Oh, you mean Tangerine from Bullet Train??” She giggles and nods.
“Objectively. I said objectively… I liked his accent.” I swallow. “And his
mustache…”
Bea pouts and pinches my cheeks. “You’re so stinkin’ cute.”
“Get off me.” I brush her away while she laughs.
“Hey, you know me.” She plucks the joint from between my fingers. “I
don’t discriminate against genitalia.” She beams, and I cackle. “As long as
someone’s hot, I’ll be a THOT!”
We’re both laughing like idiots as she twerks in front of me chanting,
“THOT THOT THOT.” Until suddenly the door is swinging open, and we’re
met with the perpetual scowl of my super-fun stepbrother.
“Can you not fucking fishbowl the bathroom??” he growls, only at me.
Not Bea.
Just me. It’s always my fault.
“Don’t be a party pooper, bro.” I giggle while Bea covers her mouth to
hold in the laughter. “Take a hit of this sweet gange.” I hold up the joint and
he smacks it out of my hand, stomping it out on the floor. “Yo, not cool.” I
frown. “Party foul.”
“What the fuck are you doing in here??” He keeps coming at me with his
signature brand of hostility, and I back up.
“Partying.” I wink at Bea, who bites her lip.
Kyran’s angry eyes flit between the two of us. “Are you two hooking
up?”
“What?!” I snort.
He steps into the room, crowding me with his fists clenched. “Well… are
you? Because my friend likes this girl, and I think it would be pretty fucked
up if you were in here trying to steal her.”
“Okay, you sound mucho loco right now.” I chuckle at him. “I mean, yes,
we’ve hooked up a little before, but we’re not—”
“Bea, please back away,” Kyran seethes with his glare stuck on me. “I’m
gonna waste this loser and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Kyran, nothing was happening,” Bea sighs, still laughing a little,
although Kyran is clearly not amused, and I’m sort of starting to worry
myself that he’s about to hit me.
“You need to leave,” Kyran says to me with his eyes narrowed and his
jaw ticking. “I’ve had enough of your stoner bullshit.”
I peek at Bea, who’s finally starting to look a little concerned. And
because I want zero drama, especially within the football player crowd, I
shoot her a forced smirk.
“Bea, it’s okay.” I wave a hand at her. “Everything’s fine. Stepbro just
needs a minute to cool off.”
She blinks at me while Kyran is backing me up against the sink. “Are you
sure?”
I nod fast. “Totally. Go get us some drinks. I’ll be right there.”
Bea shrugs and flits away, closing the door behind her. Leaving me with
the snarling beast of suffocatingly wound frustration also known as my
stepbrother.
“I literally want to kill you,” he hisses in my face. I place a hand on his
chest to keep him back, and he smacks it away. “Seriously… Just seeing your
fucking face makes me want to bash it in.”
“Don’t do that,” I mumble with my heart pounding louder than the
thumping bass of the music.
“Why not? I want to…” Kyran grabs me by the throat as his body wedges
mine between him and the sink. “Why shouldn’t I get what I want??”
He’s pressing into me so hard, my ass is resting on the counter while my
upper back connects with the mirror behind me. Attempting to shift away
from his rage, I move left. But he slams me against the wall, the wide plane
of his chest moving up and down with heavy breaths.
“You’re acting like a fucking crazy person, Kyran.” I stand my ground,
hands on his chest trying to shove him away. “Just because we—”
“Not another fucking word about that!” he barks. Both of our jagged
breathing frames his voice, ringing through the confined space.
“We haven’t spoken a word about it yet!” I snap. “You’re the one being a
psycho. Why? Because you liked it?? No one fucking cares!”
Kyran presses himself into me, and I’m sweating all over. His body is a
million degrees. Probably because he’s about to Hulk himself out of his
clothes, but it also seems like the heat is happening because of how close we
are.
And how our dicks are touching…
 “I hate you.” His voice reverberates into me.
With my hands on his chest, I feel how fast his heart is racing. It causes
me to swallow, which he must feel since he’s currently holding my throat like
he’s about to choke me to death. His eyes briefly drop to where his hand is,
then glide their way up slowly over my lips, back to my eyes. His pupils
dilate.
Okay… what’s going on?
Why is it so hot in here??
Something weird happens to my hands… They lightly grip his chest, my
fingers curling around the material of his shirt. He gulps visibly, and his
breathing shallows.
“Why do you hate me, Ky…?” I ask on a hoarse whisper.
“Because,” he growls, still plastering me to the wall with his body.
“Because why?”
I tug him by his shirt, and he comes with my pull, inching closer, lips
hovering over mine until I can taste the fruity booze on his breath.
“Because…” He gulps again, glittering green and gold falling curiously
once more to my mouth. “Because you’re… you’re…”
“You don’t know why, do you?” My back arches, and our chests bump,
bodies sealing together.
He doesn’t look anywhere near as angry anymore. It’s still there, but
more than anything, now he’s a baffled, helpless shivering frame. I don’t
know what the hell is going on between us, but every single muscle in my
body is bunched up and my blood is rushing in my ears.
There’s some force holding us together, and I don’t think I’m strong
enough to fight it. Maybe neither is he…
So against all rational thinking, my lips brush over his. I don’t even think
I did it… Why would I do that? It’s suicide. But it happened, and it prompts a
little noise from within Kyran’s throat.
“Avi…” He says my name on a trembly breath. “Don’t…”
My head is clouded up with lust as I whisper, “Don’t say don’t when you
really mean do…” And my lips part over his.
The way the plump bottom one fits snugly in between mine… like a
perfect, plush puzzle piece. I can’t even help but give it a gentle, hesitant
suck. You know… since it’s right there. And he purrs.
He fucking purrs. The hot, grouchy blonde.
My stepbrother.
 That noise, Jesus Christ…
My dick jumps as Kyran’s grip around my throat loosens, his hand
timidly falling down to rest on my chest while mine use his shirt to haul him
in closer. And kiss him, just a little more…
Because I can’t not.
The literal second it becomes apparent that we’re actually kissing, it turns
feral. Zero to a hundred. In the blink of an eye, our lips are no longer softly
grazing, they’re ravenously attacking. Sucking hard, parting wider so our
tongues can play. It’s fucking vicious and greedy and oh-so hot.
Kyran groans quietly and I groan back, my fingers releasing his shirt to
slide up into his hair. He presses me into the wall harder, but I press back,
fighting him for control, which he seems to give up easily for me, slipping
under the spell of these intoxicating kisses.
I bite his lip and he whines, squeezing my chest, touching me with
twitching fingers as the sounds of wet suction fill the small room.
“Close the door,” he whimpers while we maul each other’s mouths.
“It is closed,” I grunt, one hand sliding down his back while the other
holds his jaw.
It’s so sharp and chiseled, feeling it move while he kisses me has my cock
stiff as a pole, jammed in between our bodies. I yank his lower back to feel…
and yea, he’s hard too. So, so hard.
God-fucking-damn, why does his dick feel so good??
“Lock it,” he demands, sliding his tongue into my mouth to pet mine.
“The door, Avi… Please lock it.”
Fuck… his tongue. I really like his tongue in my mouth…
This is so bad.
Reaching behind him, I manage to lock the door, my hand immediately
coming back to him, gripping his ass and kneading it hard in my fingers until
he mewls.
“Is it locked??” he breathes in between wild, fevered kisses.
“Yes, Kyran, it’s fucking locked,” I grumble at his control-freakishness,
tugging his hair in my fist and sucking hard enough to bruise his annoying
mouth.
“Then barricade it,” he whines, shuddering against me.
I chuckle into his mouth. “With what?”
“I don’t care, just do it,” he croaks, rumbly, pleading desperation in his
tone. “No one can find out about this. No one, Avi, do you fucking hear
me??”
I nod while licking his lip and pulling it between my teeth. “Yes, baby, I
hear you.”
“Don’t fucking call me that,” he hisses, and I shove him against the door.
“Sorry… I thought you were someone else,” I tease, biting him until he
purrs again. My cock is fucking pulsing this is so good. “Use your big, sexy
body to block the door.”
“Shut up,” he growls. “This changes nothing. I still hate you…”
“Mhm.” I nod, fiercely grinding my cock against his through our pants.
“And this is still just for the money…”
“But we’re not recording.” I brush my palm over his nipple through his
shirt. He whines, and I swear to God, I’m falling apart right now.
“Then fucking record,” he pants, trailing a hand down my front, eager
fingers playing with the buttons on my shirt.
I don’t think I need to record right now, a thought that brings a sliver of
awareness to my mind. I have no idea what we’re doing, but I’m certain it has
nothing to do with the fans.
Still, I need to use my head here; keep us in line, and most importantly,
keep Kyran from freaking out. If he wants to record, then we record.
And I won’t say the idea of capturing this surreal moment isn’t an
alluring one.
So I pull my phone out of my pocket, attempting to kiss him while
opening up my camera. I press record and hold the phone up as best I can as
we devour one another’s lips like they’re some sort of insanely delicious
snack. Writhing our bodies together, I rub my erection on his, feeling it rock-
hard and throbbing through his jeans.
“That feel good?” I whisper, sucking possessively on his lower lip.
He nods and whines, “Yea… Yes. It feels… really good.”
“What about if I kiss you here?” My mouth trails down his jaw, onto his
throat, tongue peeking out to swipe his Adam’s apple. It bobs, and I bite it, to
which he rumbles a sweet, choked sound. “Shh… Quiet, beautiful.”
“No pet names,” he snarls, though his hands are now on my ass and he’s
holding me to him, helping my hips thrust into his. “I’m not your boyfriend.”
“Yea, no shit. You’re not my type,” I murmur, using my free hand to
reach up underneath his shirt and feel his smooth, warm skin. “This is for the
fans, right?”
He nods again. “For the fans.” Moaning softly, he whispers, “Suck on my
ear.”
A slightly triumphant smirk tugs at my lips while I move them up to his
ear. “Say please.”
“Please,” he begs through gritted teeth, like he wishes he didn’t have to
submit to me, but it feels too good for him to care all the way.
Flicking his lobe with my tongue, I suck it between my lips, toying with
him until he’s trembling and squirming.
“Do I do it better than her…?” My hips ripple into his, both of our dicks
straining against our pants, all thick and solid and aching for more contact.
“Fuck off… Avi.” He gasps my name, head tipped back on the door.
“Mmm… ohhfuck…”
He’s tightening all over, and I feel like it means he might come, which
draws my balls up so tight they’re about to rupture. Moving my mouth back
to his, I kiss him rough, rubbing our cocks together with so much friction it’s
like we’re trying to start a fire.
“You feel so fucking good…” I tell him, and he whimpers.
“I don’t wanna come in my pants…” he whines hoarsely, but I can tell
part of him doesn’t care. Just like the bigger, more insistent part of me
doesn’t care one bit if I coat the inside of my Calvins with cum right now.
Still, I hum onto his lips, “You want me to take it out?” He nods fast
while my hand falls to his cock between us. “You want me to catch your hot
load in my mouth?”
“Ffuck… Avi…” He fingers dig into me through my clothes.
“I think it’s too late.” I suck the words onto his puffy lips. “Come for me,
baby.”
“I’m not your—fuuuck. Fuck yes, oh God, Avi, I’m coming.”
Kyran’s body shudders, his hands flying up into my hair to hold me in
place while he cries quietly into my mouth. My hand squeezes and grips his
big dick though his pants, stroking out his orgasm while I grind my own into
his hip.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come in my pants for you, Ky…” Before the words
even flee my lips into his, pulses of cum are shooting all over the inside of
my boxers, drenching my pelvis in slickness.
“What… the fuck…” Kyran crumples between me and the door, holding
up his body weight by clutching onto me while we both quiver and suck all
the air out of the small room.
We’re just standing, more like leaning, on each other, and the door, for
many generous seconds, catching our breath and coming down from the
withering high of what just happened.
What the fuck did just happen??
We made out and dry-humped each other silly, that’s what happened.
Kyran’s hands slide off of me, and he tries to stand up straight, wobbling
as he does. I straighten myself and pull away, but not without first pressing a
soft kiss on his bottom lip.
And when I stand back, he looks shocked, severely rumpled, sated, and
horrified.
Mostly good things, I suppose.
Ending the recording on my phone—I’m not even sure what I just
recorded—I can’t help but smirk to myself. I knew he came in his pants that
night because of me. I win.
“That was…” he starts.
And I blurt out, “Awesome?”
“Idiotic,” he corrects me, pushing his hair back with his fingers and going
for some toilet paper.
“Baby wipes.” I nod at the basket by the sink, and he grabs them.
“Good looks.”
He uses them to try to clean himself up inside his pants, while I do the
same, my thoughts speeding through everything that just went down in this
bathroom.
What an amazing shitshow…
“How the fuck are we going to get out of here without anyone seeing us
both leave?” he rasps, rubbing his eyes in front of the mirror.
He looks stressed. And so soon after such a killer orgasm. It puts a
damper on my own mood, because I don’t want him to be nervous, or afraid.
“Everyone’s drunk. I guarantee they won’t notice,” I tell him, and he
peers at me. “But you can leave first. I’ll wait a few minutes, then sneak out.
Trust me, no one pays attention to me at these parties. I’m, like, invisible.”
Kyran’s head cocks, and his lips part like he’s going to say something.
But he doesn’t. He just nods, then bites his lip, his eyes sliding back to
himself in the mirror.
I have no idea what prompts me to say this… Maybe I’m just drunk,
coasting on the high of that fantastic, if not foolhardy orgasm…
But watching him stare at himself in the mirror like he has no idea who he
is has the words tumbling out of my mouth. “We should fuck sometime.”
 Kyran’s face whips around, and he glares at me like I’ve completely lost
my mind. Maybe I have… Because no sane, rational person would say what I
just said. Right?
He grumbles, “I don’t want to—”
But I cut him off with my finger on his lips and murmur, “We both know
you do.” My hand slips away, and he stays quiet, his eyes falling to my
mouth. “Plus… it’s for the fans. The OnlyFans, I mean.”
“I’m not gonna fuck you for money, Avi,” he growls.
My gaze narrows at him. “Who says you’d be fucking me?”
He stares at me for a moment in silence before a laugh bubbles from
within his throat. It’s amazing how little I’ve heard him laugh… It looks and
sounds foreign when he does it.
“You’re delusional,” he sighs, pushing me out of the way and going for
the door. But his fingers sort of graze my abs as he does, and he peeks at me
one last time, reaching for the knob. “Leave it alone, Avi.”
My lips quirk as I step off to the side, out of view. “No promises,
superstar.”
 PoundTown69: Are you a raisin? Cuz you’re raisin my dick
FranknBeanz: Ass so tight I could crack my nuts on it
Bearb0tt0m: What has 3 holes? ur favorite t shirt and me—I want in

“Someone’s checking you out.”

My eyes lift from the words on the page. And sure enough, there’s a girl I
definitely recognize, sitting a few tables over, smiling at me and twirling her
hair around her finger.
“Oh, yea. I’m sure that wouldn’t be disastrous or anything,” I mutter
sarcastically, gaze falling back down to the book in front of me.
“Hey, football players and cheerleaders are, like, a known thing,” Guty
says while absentmindedly flipping pages of his book, not even pretending to
study. “Plus, you and Lexi aren’t exclusive, right?”
No, we are… not.
I shake my head. “We haven’t even really hooked up in weeks, aside
from the occasional makeout session.” Which usually only seems to happen
as a means to get a rise out of people…
My jaw tenses, and I redirect my thoughts.
“Hey, I love a good makeout session.” Guty grins, and when my eyes
fling up to his, he winks.
I’m not trying to think about making out…
In bathrooms. With tall, muscle-clad smug, smirking… humans.
Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I shake it off and try to go back to my
reading. But I’m getting nowhere because Guty has zero interest in studying.
All he wants to do is talk shit, which is why I knew inviting him to the library
with me was a bad idea.
Still, I could use the distraction. Because lately whenever I’m by myself,
the silence seems to echo louder than someone screaming directly in my face.
“Then maybe you should take Lexi off my hands.” I shoot Guty a smirk,
and he laughs.
“I’ll take one for the team. If it means you get to take a stab at Little Miss
Flirty Eyes over there.” He leans back in his chair, prompting me to glance
up once more at the girl in the back.
Her name is Krystle, and she’s also a cheerleader, which means I
wouldn’t have to put in much effort at all to get with her. Guty wasn’t wrong.
Football players and cheerleaders go together like peanut butter and jelly.
But the nagging little voice in the back of my mind keeps on insisting that
I’m growing bored with peanut butter and jelly. Especially when there are so
many other interesting sandwiches out there…
No. I shake my head again. No, peanut butter and jelly is fine. It’s a
classic, and everybody loves it. There’s no need to be thinking about grilled
fluffer-nutters with banana, or apple brie paninis, or all those other exotic,
different sandwiches when the standard, regular ones do exactly what they’re
supposed to do. Nourish you.
That’s what food is, after all. Sustenance. No more, no less.
Move on, Kyran. It doesn’t matter.
Suddenly, I’m feeling impatiently determined. I need a new distraction,
one that’s more captivating than simply focusing on schoolwork. I need to
hook up, to prove to myself that everything is fine. Nothing happened the
other day in the bathroom, and it wasn’t the most exciting thing I’ve ever
experienced in my whole life.
It was a mistake. An accident.
I was drunk, that’s it. I never need to even think about it again, because it
didn’t happen. Deny deny deny.
Standing up, I pack my books into my backpack and mumble to Guty,
“I’ll catch you later.”
I hear him murmuring, “Get some, playboy,” as I saunter casually over to
the back table.
Sliding into the seat next to her, I show Krystle my well-rehearsed
charming grin, and she bites her lip to contain her obvious excitement.
“Hey, Ky,” she whispers, already oozing temptation, which bodes well
for my plan.
 “Hi, beautiful,” I hum, then wince.
“Shh… Quiet, beautiful.”
Nope. Stop it right now. Stop remembering that thing that never
happened.
“Are you excited about the first playoff game?” Krystle asks, distracting
me from my inner turmoil, which I really fucking appreciate.
“Fuck yea.” I grin. “Beating Virginia Tech on home soil is gonna be so
satisfying.”
She giggles, and continues on with the hair-twirling. “Well, if you ever
need to, ya know… blow off some steam.” She bites her lip again. “You
know where to find me.”
“Here in the library?” I tease, and she laughs at my dumb joke, smacking
me playfully on the arm.
This is good. This could work.
“Actually, I think I’m done.” She slaps her book shut. “Wanna get out of
here?”
Yes. This will definitely work. Distraction-mode: activated.
“Sounds like a plan.”
Standing up, I grab her backpack for her—being all chivalrous and shit—
as we leave the library, and I ignore Guty humping the air in my direction
when we walk past him.
I’m fully prepared to go back to this girl’s dorm with her, but we don’t
even get that far. We’re actually not even out of the building before she
shoves me into the bathroom.
Oh no… Not the bathroom.
Krystle sneaks inside and closes the door behind her, locking it and
immediately lunging at me. Dropping our bags with a thunk, I grasp her face
and accept the kiss she’s throwing my way, her lips hungrily attacking mine
as her hands slither all over me.
“You’re so fucking hot,” she purrs into my mouth, grinding her small,
petite body on me. “I’ve wanted to hook up with you for so long.”
“Mmmhm...” is all I can manage to say with her tongue pushing into my
mouth.
My hands cup her ass, hauling her into me, which is easy because she’s
almost a foot shorter and weighs practically nothing. Gripping and squeezing
her butt, I can’t help but recognize how it’s much less muscular than the last
one I hand in my hands…
 Fuck. Stop it.
I’m instantly sweaty and hot beneath my clothes, my mind working
overtime to focus on what I’m doing. Focus on the girl I’m kissing… Her
small, shapely form… Perky tits pushing against my chest.
This is what I like. Tits. They’re rubbing all over me while our tongues
tangle, her flowery, feminine scent filling my nose.
My limbs are abnormally rigid, lungs tight like I’m suffocating, but I push
past it. I ignore the fuck out of all of these stupid little thoughts and focus.
“I know this is bad…” Krystle whispers while sucking on my lip. “If Lexi
found out, she’d be so pissed.”
“I don’t… I’m not…” My words are getting caught in my throat, the mere
act of trying to form a sentence taking a backseat to me just trying not to
freak out about how small she is.
This is what I’m used to, goddamnit. Not… that other thing that did not
happen, for fuck’s sake.
“I like it, though.” She keeps on talking, not picking up on how much I’m
on the verge of a major freakout. Her lips pry away from mine and move over
to my ear. Oh no… “It’s like it’s… forbidden.”
She sucks my earlobe between her lips, and I cringe.
“Do I do it better than her…?”
Shut up! Go away, Goddamn you!
I can’t fucking breathe. My lungs are burning like they’re running out of
available oxygen. It feels like the room is getting smaller and smaller and…
My hands gently shove Krystle off of me while I frantically suck in air,
struggling to breathe.
Her hands run over my chest, and she chirps, “Are you okay?”
Head wobbling, I rake my fingers through my hair, eyes creeping open to
peek down at her. She probably thinks I’m a massive freak, which clearly, I
am. So I say the first thing that comes to mind to get me out of this
situation…
“I’m sorry… I can’t.” I gulp. “I can’t do this to… Lexi.”
Snatching my bag, I reach behind her to unlock the door. I know this
looks awful, and I really don’t want this girl to run around spreading rumors
that I’m a fucking weirdo, so I kiss her on the head before opening the door.
“I’m sorry, Krystle. You’re great, but I just… need to figure things out
with Lexi before I hook up with anyone else. You understand, right?”
She doesn’t look thrilled, but her wide eyes are sympathetic as she nods
and shows me a small smile. “You’re a good guy, Kyran. Remember… I’m
always here if you need me.”
Right. Awesome.
“Thanks,” I mutter, storming out of the bathroom as fast as my legs will
carry me.
Running away… Away from the memory of panting and kissing and
hushed words in the bathroom.

I’ve been staring at myself in the mirror for far too long.
So long that I don’t even recognize the face looking back at me anymore.
Who are you…?
Where did you come from?
I can’t have this. I can’t have any of it. One of the biggest games of my
football career is coming up in a few days, and my head needs to be clear. I
need to be all in it, not spiraling out of control like a satellite that’s fallen out
of orbit, lost and tumbling through space.
I need to clear my head, and figure out what the hell is wrong with me.
I need to get laid.
The problem with hooking up with Krystle was that it was too new. It
threw me off. That has to be it… Even though she’s just another cheerleader,
she was different. Sort of.
Stomping into the other room, I grab a bottle of Jack Daniels and take a
large gulp. I’m going to sort this out. I have to.
Removing my phone from my pocket, I type out a text to Lexi…
Me: Are you around?
She writes back almost immediately.
Lexi: I’m at my dorm. Waiting for you ;)
Perfect.
I text back an eggplant emoji followed by five water-squirts, then pocket
my phone and rip another shot from the bottle. Drinking excessively is
another good way to numb myself to all the realities infecting my thoughts.
But I don’t have time to casually get blasted, since I’m in a rush to get this
over with; sink my dick in Lexi’s pussy and prove once and for all that
everything is fine, and mistakes or not, I’m still me.
Kyran Harbor. Eagles QB. Exceptional student, with a sick body and
great hair. Not to be hypnotized or coerced into unnamed things by whatever
trickster voodoo certain stoner stepsiblings might possess.
Choking down several more large swallows of booze, my vision is
already blurring as I leave my dorm and set out on a mission to Vanderslice
Hall. I get there quick, hazy and barely remembering the walk as I take the
elevator to Lexi’s floor. Staggering up the hall, I pound on her door, and she
opens it, wearing nothing but my football jersey.
See? This is why she’s the safe bet.
Relief washes over me as she pulls me inside, closing and locking the
door behind her.
“Mandy will be back in a half-hour,” she breathes, tugging my mouth to
hers by my jaw. “We have to make it quick.”
“You got any booze?” I murmur on her lips, needing a few more shots for
good measure. To make sure all the memories are sufficiently drowned to
death.
She nods, kissing me a few more times before spinning away and
scampering to grab a bottle of Fireball. The cinnamon standard for college
kids, apparently.
Uncapping it, I slug it back, nearly choking when Lexi stuffs her hand
inside my pants to grab my dick. Her fingers are small and dainty, and I close
my eyes, focusing on the sensation of her stroking my cock… Which is pretty
much a limp noodle right now.
My teeth grind together. Come on… It feels good, you know it does.
Taking another big sip, my head feels like a bowling ball. My neck can
barely hold it up anymore.
Clearly, Lexi is just as determined as I am to make this work, because she
gives up on the handy and drops to her knees, unzipping my pants and
shoving them down with my boxers. My blurring vision falls down to her
head of blonde hair, seeing double as both of her slip my barely hard cock
into their mouths.
It feels good… It does, but I’m a fucking mess and I know it. Nothing is
working… I’m too up in my head.
“You feel so fucking good…”
 Eyes drooping shut, my head tips back and I bite my lip, remembering a
much greedier mouth. One that sucked me with hesitation framing the
curious need.
“Fuck…” I swallow hard, biting down hard on my lip as my erection
finally gains some traction.
That mouth was warm and wet, too. The lips were so soft, the tongue so
playful… Teasing my head the same way it teased my own tongue…
“Suck me.”
A whimper of a noise leaves my lips and I try like hell to cover it up. I
don’t want to be thinking about this… I don’t want to be remembering him
while I’m getting head from a girl.
“You want me to catch your hot load in my mouth?”
Growling, I force my eyes open to watch the girl on her knees, bobbing
below my waist. That’s who I should want… No one else.
But I can’t stop seeing him. I can’t stop thinking about all the little details
missing from this supple creature.
“Go away…” I rub my eyes hard with my fingers. “I don’t want you.”
Lexi pops off my dick. “Ky, are you feeling alright?”
Shaking my head, I mutter, “Uh, yea… No…” I scrape a hand over my
face. “I don’t know.”
She stands up, taking the bottle before it slips from my fingers. “We can
just go into the bedroom if you want…” Her small hand runs up my chest.
“You can fuck me from behind—”
Pulling back, I stumble away from her. “No. No, I’m sorry, babe. I’m
actually not… feeling well.”
Turning before I can embarrass myself any further, I head for the door.
Fuck this. It’s fucking hopeless.
I’m broken.
Damaged.
He fucking ruined me.
“Kyran, wait!” Lexi shrills after me, but it’s too late.
I’m already out the door, stalking away. Running away. Again.
I’m fuming as I leave Vanderslice, marching through the chill of
December air. My blood is boiling, fury weaving through every cord of
muscle in my body. I’m half-cocked between vibrant rage and drunken
belligerence, which is a bad combo. Because no matter how hard I try to
overcome it, they both bring me to the same place…
 Thomas More Apartments, room 446.
My fist slams three times against the door in rapid succession. Jagged
breaths flutter my chest, jaw ticking at the sound of footsteps on the other
side. It opens a crack, the iridescent gray hitting me as the final strike of a
match tossed onto a bonfire soaked in kerosene.
His lips part, but before he can even try to make some sort of remark, I
barrel inside and tackle him to the floor.
Avi lands beneath me with a grunt and my hands immediately circle his
throat.
“You fucking ruined me!” My fingers dig in as his hands fly up,
attempting to hold me back. “This is all your fault!”
“W-what?? What’s my fault?!” he croaks, struggling out from under me.
But I pin him down with my body weight, shooting unbridled frustration
at him through my eyes. “Everything! All of it.” I’m smoldering, burning up
beneath my clothes as his hands grip my forearms, trying to pry them away
from his neck. “We should fuck sometime?? Are you fucking kidding me?!”
“Kyran… Calm down,” he chokes, his face turning red from my fingers
cutting off his air supply. “We can talk about this…”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” I snarl, leaning over his face.
He blinks. “Then what do you want to do?”
“I want to kill you,” I hiss, emotions taking over, the hate, weakness, and
confusion mixing together like a lethal combination of chemicals, flooding
my system. “I want to destroy you like you destroyed me.”
“How did I destroy you??” he grunts, using all of his strength to push my
arms back; hold my weight from crushing his throat.
“With your stupid fucking ideas,” I teem, suddenly exhausted. Tired… So,
so tired of fighting. “Your bullshit plans and your asinine fucking rationales.
You got me into this… You and your fucking mouth.”
Sighing out of hopeless despair, my grip around his neck loosens and my
forehead crashes onto his. I feel depleted, like there’s nothing left. I’m just so
tired, I could collapse.
Avi doesn’t move. He stays lying on the floor beneath me, his hands
sliding carefully from my forearms onto my hands. He moves them off of his
throat, down onto his chest, sucking in a long breath of air as my body drapes
over him in surrender.
“You fucked me up…” I whisper. “I couldn’t get hard.”
“Huh?”
 “When I was hooking up with Lexi… I couldn’t even get hard. Because
your dumb fucking words poisoned my brain.”
Avi is still, just breathing, our chests resting together as they move in
tandem, up and down. His hips shift and he squirms.
“What?” I growl, annoyed that he seems like he wants to move when all I
want to do is just lie here and pretend we’re both dead.
“I mean…” His voice creeps out in a hesitant rumble, “You’re hard right
now…”
My jaw tenses. “No, I’m not.”
“Yea… you are.” He moves his hips again, and I feel it, like a wave of
sensation raining tingles between my legs. “Your dick is… fuck, it’s like
stone.”
Lifting my head just a little, I peek in between our bodies at the visible
erection trying to fight its way out of my pants. Another hopeless sigh comes
from my mouth, and this time I drop my head down onto his shoulder.
“Why am I so hard?” I whine, so goddamn confused and full of
resentment. “Why am I hard now…? It’s so fucking stupid. My dick is
broken.”
“Jesus, how drunk are you?” Avi chuckles, and it annoys me enough to
lift my head again.
“You broke my dick.” I glare at him.
He’s clearly trying to stifle a smirk as he raises his fingers to brush them
through my hair. “Yea, I don’t think that’s it.”
Jerking away from his touch, I roll off of him onto my back. “Whatever.
I’m fucked. I’m probably gonna lose to Virginia Tech, again, all because I
can’t get my head on straight…”
Before I can even process it, he rolls on top of me, straddling me and
pinning my wrists to the floor. My eyes widen, heat rushing up my neck.
“Then let me help you.” His head tilts as he gazes curiously down at me.
I swallow a thick, scratchy gulp. “How…?”
Sloping his face over mine, he stops when the tips of our noses are
touching. “Give your dick what it wants.”
Shivers sheet my flesh, though I’m so hot it’s like I’m standing on the
sun. I force a shake of my head while gawking up at him. “My dick is a
moron.”
He chuckles, bringing even more warmth to my face. “That’s probably
true… But who cares? Stop fighting what feels good, Kyran.”
 Stop fighting.
My brain wants me to protest. To insist that this isn’t me, and that I hate
him, because he’s a stoner dipshit who smiles way too much, and doesn’t
know me at all.
But at the same time, I am tired. Tired of pretending this stupid secret
business isn’t the most exciting thing I’ve ever done. Tired of acting like it
doesn’t thrill me to my bones to know that people are begging and pleading
to see what we can do behind closed doors.
It doesn’t have to mean anything… Not right now.
Maybe right now it’s the opposite of football. A way to give up control
and responsibility… And just be stupid with him. For a little while…
Until we make the money we need. And then it’ll be done.
Pressing my lips together, I wobble my head in a little shake, because I
don’t know what to say.
But Avi doesn’t seem to care that I’m lost, or confused or unsure. He
eases his lips onto mine, just a soft brush before whispering, “We should
fuck, Kyran.”
My heart is racing, fingers threading through his where he’s holding my
hands down as I mutter, “For the fans… Right?”
His lashes flutter and he peers down at me, nodding slowly. “Yea. Yea,
totally… For the fans.”
I don’t even want to think about how hard my dick is right now. It’s way
too confusing. Instead, I just focus on the task at hand. The business.
“Are you sure you can handle me… fucking you…” I choke on the
words. “In the ass?”
He breathes a rumbling laugh, pressing his hips down onto mine, our
dicks reacquainted once more. I despise how much it lights me the fuck up.
“The way I see it, the other way around might make more sense.”
A nervous chill sweeps through me, and I shake my head. “No way. You
are not putting your dick anywhere near my ass.”
“Says who?” he hums, brushing his lips down my jaw.
“Says me.”
“Mmm… You don’t know what you want.” He drops a kiss on my throat.
“I think you might love me fucking you… in the ass.”
A soft sound gasps from my lips, and I cover it by clearing my throat.
“No. You’re taking it.” He pulls back and gives me a squinting look. “End of
discussion, Avi.”
 “We’ll flip for it.” He grins.
“No fucking way!” I rip my hands out of his. “I’m not gonna flip a coin to
decide who fucks who.”
“Whom.”
“I’m going to hit you.” I glare at him, sitting up on my elbows while he
backs up.
“Okay, well, I’m not going to let you fuck me just because you think
you’re in charge.” He scoffs. Then his fingers brush over the outline of my
cock, and I shudder. “I think we both know you need to loosen the reins on
that control that keeps you all bunched up with stress.”
I roll my eyes. “So you’re saying a ride on your dick is like a trip to a day
spa?”
“Could be.” His grin widens, and he shrugs. “You’ll never know if you
don’t try…”
“See, this is why we can’t do this,” I sigh. “We can’t agree on anything.”
Avi crawls off of me and rises to his feet. “That’s where you’re wrong.”
He extends his hand to me, and I stare at it. “I think we can agree, you just
need to stop being so stubborn.”
Puffing out an exhale, I allow my shoulders to fall back, easing out of my
inner tension long enough to take his hand. He yanks me to my feet, but
doesn’t let go.
Instead, he drags me, stumbling, into his bedroom.
“What…” My eyes fall to his bed, where we sucked each other off the
last time I was here, and I gulp. “What did you have in mind…?”
“Neither of us have ever done any butt stuff before…” He cocks an
eyebrow at me. “Right?”
My teeth grind together, grumbling over the noise in my head. “No.
Definitely not.”
“So if either one of us is going to get fucked in the ass, we’ll need to
prepare for it.” He stares at me, like he’s waiting for a reaction. But I’m just
staring back. “Like, priming.”
“Priming??” I huff. “What kind of word is priming?”
“It’s a word, don’t worry about it.” He tugs his shirt over his head, then
shoves his pants down.
And he’s not wearing any boxers underneath. So now he’s just standing,
naked in front of me, in only a backwards cap and a smirk, like something
about this is fucking funny.
 “Dude… what the fuck.” I look away, and he laughs.
“Kyran, for fuck’s sake…” He sighs, strutting over to his bed and
crashing down onto it. “How are we going to have sex if you can’t even look
at me naked?”
“That’s a great question…” I mutter, peeking at him.
He’s lying on his side, watching me. Dick half-hard, head propped up by
his elbow. And I’m buzzing with all sorts of things… Mostly annoyance.
Because he’s so goddamn irritating, but I can’t help how I feel compelled to
counter him.
To let go of my hang-ups and match his energy; to prove I’m not the
uptight, preppy asshole he thinks I am.
So in that spirit, I yank my shirt over my head, tossing it onto the floor.
Then I step out of my shoes and my jeans. Avi’s dark eyebrow arches, and I
roll my eyes, slowly easing my boxer briefs down my legs and kicking them
away.
The way he blatantly drools over my cock is pretty satisfying. But it’s
also nerve-racking, and like an instinct, my hands cup my dick and balls to
cover them up. Unfortunately, I’m still sort of hard, so half my dick is
peeking out, and I can’t help it.
“Will you come here, please?” he rumbles calmly. I shake my head, and
he gives me an impatient look. “Kyran… stop being ridiculous. Get that sexy
ass over here. Now.”
My teeth grind together, and I mumble, “I hate you so fucking much,”
stepping over hesitantly and taking a seat at the edge of the bed.
“Yea, I know. You’ve made that very clear.” He spreads his legs, and my
eyes find a spot on the wall to focus on.
“Avi, Jesus…” I shake my head. “You’re like—”
“Dude, stop dancing around it.” He sits up and grabs my arm, pulling me
on top of him. “We both have dicks, and balls, and assholes.” Gazing down at
him, I gulp with my face on fucking fire. “Let me ask you something… Do
you like the idea of pushing your cock inside me?”
My dick jumps like it’s answering the question on its own, and I bite my
lip, trying to pretend I’m not fully aware of how red my cheeks are right now.
“Yea, now you know how I feel.” Avi grins, eyes falling to my cock. “I
guess he’s not such a moron after all, huh?”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I retort, way breathier than I wish I sounded.
“At least he isn’t afraid to admit what he wants to do…” he sings, letting
go of me and scooting over to his nightstand.
He digs around in a drawer for a moment while I just sit in his bed,
baking to death from the sheer humiliation of this situation. I thought I was
drunk, but all of the inhibition lowering in the world couldn’t get me ready
for whatever the hell is happening right now.
Avi returns with a bottle of lube, and my spine stiffens, eyes going round
at the sight.
“What… what’s that for?”
He chuckles. “It’s called lube. It lubricates things.”
I glare at him. “No shit, asshole. I mean, what are we going to do with
it… To figure out who fucks… whom?”
He beams in delight, and I roll my eyes again. “Like I said, we’ll need to
get primed up to take a dick. So I figure the best way to decide who’s going
to bottom is to see which one of us enjoys it more. The priming.”
My brows zip together. “What?”
“I’m not repeating myself,” he grumbles, opening the tube and squirting
Astroglide onto his fingers. “Do you want to use your own fingers, or should
we do it to each other?”
My mouth hangs open for a solid five seconds. I’m not sure I’ve ever
been so baffled by anything in my whole life.
Like, really… What the fuck am I even doing here??
“Kyran…” Avi whispers my name in this low, grungy sort of tone that
covers me in goosebumps. “Do you want to finger me? Or do you want to
watch me finger myself…?”
“I… I don’t know,” I stammer, crazy lightheaded all of a sudden.
He grabs my hand. “Don’t think, just answer.”
“I want to…” I croak with saliva filling my mouth. “I wanna do it.”
He crawls over me, and I have no choice but to recline onto my back.
“You wanna finger me?” I nod fast, practically breaking out in hives as he
pushes my legs apart, kneeling between them. “Okay, good. I’ll finger you
while you finger me. First one to get off bottoms.”
“Wha-what?? No…” My lips are shivering, but he’s ignoring me; my
words of trepidation, my obvious rampant trembling.
He simply squeezes a generous helping of lube out onto my fingers,
tossing the bottle and lowering himself over me. It’s clear that I’m a statue
frozen in awkwardness right now, because he rolls his eyes and throws his
leg over my arm, so that my hand is closer to his ass.
 “Get on board, Kyran.” His eyes fall to my cock. “Look how excited you
are… You want to do this, so stop talking yourself out of it.”
Letting out a jittery breath, I nod. Because yea… I guess if I’m being
honest, I would really like to see how it feels to push my fingers inside of
him. Much more than I want to feel his fingers pushing inside me.
Though there is that teeny, tiny frisson inside me, wondering if I’ll like it.
If he’ll hurt me… Or if he’ll make it feel really good…
Fear flickers in my brain, but I turn it off. I focus on Avi, and how
confident he seems. How afraid he isn’t… How warm he is.
Gripping onto his thigh with my left hand, I slowly move my slick fingers
until they slide between his cheeks. He grunts and swallows visibly, the first
sign of vulnerability I’ve gotten from him all night. It gives me the surge of
adrenaline I need to swirl my fingertip around his rim.
“One first…?” I ask, way too hoarse, but not even caring. My dick is
fucking throbbing, balls aching already.
“I think that would be best,” he breathes, then wedges his index finger
between my ass.
“W-wait…” My chest is heaving like crazy and it’s bordering on
embarrassing. “I need to… relax.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll give you a head start.” He licks his lips.
“Stop watching me,” I grumble, and he grins.
Lowering his face to mine, he hums over my lips. “Is this better?”
Out of my desire to regain some control, or maybe even to take his
cockiness down a peg, I stuff my finger inside him slowly, easing it into his
ass up to my knuckle with no warning.
He groans and shivers. “Jesus fucking Christ…”
“Do you… do you like it?” I whisper, my cock leaking at the feeling of
the warm, super tight channel of his body gripping my finger.
“It’s… different,” he hums, brushing his own fingertip over my hole, and
I’m quaking. I draw my finger back, pumping it in again until he whimpers,
“Slow, baby.”
“If you call me baby again, I’ll stuff my whole hand in here,” I growl, and
he chuckles, dragging his lips down to kiss my neck.
I hate how it gives me chills and thumps my nuts, the same way I hate
how he’s not intimidated by me one bit. He’s not afraid, and it’s just…
frustrating.
Using my hand, I drive into him slowly, pulling back and pushing in,
working up a tantalizing rhythm inside his ass while he writhes his body
against mine. His lips go for my earlobe, and I really fucking loathe how
good it feels… How it tingles in the pit of my stomach, making me forget all
the concerns and hang-ups surrounding what we’re doing.
It feels so good, in fact, that I barely notice how his finger is nudging its
way inside me, using the slippery wetness of the lube to gradually probe me.
Until the next thing I know, his finger is in me up to the knuckle, and I’m
clenching on him in hot, aching need.
“Holy fffuck…” I groan, dizzy and seeing stars already.
It feels bizarre… The burn of doing something wrong that somehow
sizzles all my nerve endings with a hidden pleasure I wasn’t sure was there.
“You like it?” he rasps, hot breath on my ear flipping me upside down.
“No…” I bite my lip to contain the sounds that want to betray my words.
“Stop lying to me, you tight, sexy thing,” he growls, then eases another
finger inside me.
“Uhhmmffuck no… yesss… I do… I like it,” I gasp and whine as his
fingers reach deep inside me.
They graze something that lights up my entire body.
My toes curl. My back arches.
“Say you want me to fuck you in your perfect, sweet little ass,” Avi
whispers over my lips.
And I tumble. My stomach bunches, my ass clenches on his fingers…
And I fucking come.
Crying, whimpering, mewling like a slutty little kitten, my dick sprays
pulses of cum all over both of us, without any provocation other than two
fingers stuffed deep in my ass for literally less than sixty seconds. My entire
body is trembling, from head to toe, I’m jerking and writhing, practically
convulsing.
“Fuck… me.” I don’t even know what I’m saying, but I’m shooting
everywhere and it feels like someone’s tapped into a well of bliss inside me.
“Fuck me fuck me fuck me…”
I hum the words over and over again while Avi rides me out, not even
moving his fingers, just leaving them up there, brushing his lips over mine
like he’s breathing my breaths.
By the time I’ve floated back down to earth, I’m sweaty and sticky and
sated beyond belief. Avi pulls his fingers out of me slowly, and it takes me
way too long to notice that my fingers aren’t even in him anymore. Because I
was using both of my hands to hold on to his hips for dear life, like I was on a
rollercoaster and not properly strapped in.
Allowing my eyes to creep open, I peek up at him. And he’s just grinning
at me. Smugly, I might add.
I swallow and blink. That’s all I can do.
He purses his lips, swiping his fingers through the cum all over my chest.
“Well, then…” His eyes spring back up to mine, and I didn’t think it was
possible, but my cheeks flush ever harder. “Looks like we found our bottom.”
 GunsNGloryhole: Stuff me like taxidermy and mount me against your wall.
MagicNotMike: I know two ways to make seven inches disappear…
Shyfan995: I’m so thirsty, can you give me a cup of milk?..Orr two would be much nicer

It’s a big night.

First game of the playoffs. And against Virginia Tech, no less.
They’re undefeated so far this season. Their offense is apparently not to
be trifled with, and out of all the teams in the NCAA, they’re the Eagles’s
biggest rivals. Mainly because we lost to them in the playoffs last year, which
swept the championship rug out from under my superstar stepbrother.
All season, Kyran’s been stressing about taking on the Hokies—dumb
team name, but whatever. He’s beat teams with better defense, stronger QBs,
and all-around fantastic records; teams who have won way more
championships than Virginia Tech ever has. But because of that loss last
season… This is the one that’s been clicking his normally uptight
perfectionist levels up to full blast.
Tonight, we have the home field advantage, which is always a good thing.
It also means that I get to be at the game, and as much as I love doing the
Charleston in my eagle costume just to see how much I can annoy my
stepbrother, I’ll try my hardest not to mess with him too much tonight. If it
means helping him win this game so he can finally calm the hell down a
little, I’ll be on my best behavior.
I mean, I’m still me. My best behavior is probably pretty appalling to
most. But I’ll do what I can.
I’ve just taken the field as Baldwin the Eagle, with the cheerleaders, who
are scampering around, scantily dressed in their maroon and gold outfits and
an exorbitant amount of glitter. I’m doing my normal shuffle routine while
they shimmy and shake their butts, and their pom-poms, to the music of
Applause by Lady Gaga. Not the song I would have chosen, but it works to
get the crowd all riled up.
Having fifty-thousand eyes on you is pretty overwhelming, but it helps
that my head is covered. I’m just here to bring the good vibes, and make
people laugh. I think it’s important to remember that at the end of the day,
this is still a game.
I’m sure Kyran wouldn’t see it that way, but whatever. He’s no fun, we all
know that.
The girls are finishing up their dance, and I’m prancing to and fro when
everyone turns to cheer and whoop as the players jog out onto the field.
Kyran is first in line, as usual, and I’m kind of glad his face is covered too, by
his helmet.
I’m used to his undying seriousness harshing my mellow. But right now,
for some reason, all I feel when I see him is a relentless bunch of nerves in
my gut.
It could be because I’m anxious for him, knowing how important this
game is and all. Or maybe it’s because of how we left things the other day…
You know, after we fingered each other and he came all over the place in
a bewildering display of sexiness.
I was a little shocked when he didn’t leave a Kyran-shaped hole in the
wall after what happened. Watching him jaunt onto the field and prepare for
the coin toss, I remember him pulling on his pants…
“It doesn’t mean anything…” he grunted, cheeks still flushed from the
shock of an unexpected prostate milking.
I bit my lip to contain my grin, handing him a washcloth so he could wipe
the cum off his abs and chest. “Oh, it definitely means something.” He paused
to stare at me, hazel eyes all wide, like a confused baby lamb. I chuckled.
“Ky… you came in less than a minute. Nothing touching your dick… Just
from my fingers. The jig is officially up. You’re a bottom.”
“No, I’m not,” he growled, holding on to his defenses like a shield in
medieval battle. “It’s made to feel good. That’s what that… thing does.”
“Your prostate?” I folded my arms over my chest, and he scowled.
“It would feel good for anyone,” he huffed while wiping himself down.
“It doesn’t mean I want to get fucked.”
 “Okay… except that you do.” My face slanted, and he shook his head.
“Boy, if other people worked as hard as you at denying themselves good
things, we’d be living in a world without corndogs.” He scoffed, giving me a
one of his looks while I stepped over to him slowly. “Are you a masochist or
something? ’Cause I’ll edge you… if that’s what you want.”
“Fuck. Off.” He glared at me, practically vibrating in his state of seethe.
I chuckled softly, reaching out to touch his arm. Of course, he yanked it
away. “I’m just saying… We hit the jackpot here. And by jackpot, I mean
your hands-free orgasm ability. The fans will go nuts for this.”
Finishing cleaning himself off, his movements slowed as he bit his lip.
“So you’re saying it’s like… a skill?”
His eyes slid up to meet mine, and I nodded enthusiastically, mostly
placating him. I didn’t want him to be embarrassed over coming so quick, the
first time anything ever breached his ass. For someone as straight—quote,
unquote—as Kyran, getting off this way had the potential to jack up his fear
and insecurities, and have him heading for the hills.
And I couldn’t have that. Mainly because I knew the kind of money we
could make on OnlyFans with videos of us fucking. But also, because even
though I hated to admit it, I really wanted to get him into bed.
After seeing him fall apart, and knowing how easily I could make it
happen… it was the hottest experience of my life, and I wanted more.
I’m just as bad as the fans at this point. I’m chomping at the goddamn bit.
The kissing in the bathroom at Theo’s party was just the beginning. As
much as I know craving action with Kyran is bad, because he’s my straight
stepbrother who hates my guts, I can’t help the way I’m secretly desperate for
more alone time with him.
I’ve decided to chalk it up to my newfound desire to mess around with
dudes… Kyran just so happens to be the one showing up.
“And you didn’t… feel it?” he asked me, blinking curiously. “From my
finger?”
I definitely did. His fingering felt delicious, and if it had gone on for more
than a minute, I probably could have gotten off myself. Which reminded me
of the ache in my balls from not coming…
“I felt it a little,” I told him truthfully, reaching down to adjust my
erection in my sweats.
His eyes fell, then sprung back up to mine. And he frowned. “But you
didn’t get to come… Because I came first.”
 “I’m fine with it.” I shrugged casually, then arched a brow. “Unless you
wanna help me out with this…” I slowly palmed my cock over my pants.
“You know, practice.”
Witnessing him swallow as he scowled had me picturing all the things I
wanted to do to him. On camera, of course. My skin was burning, balls
tingling at the images my head was drumming up.
“Not interested. I’m not even agreeing to anything at all…” His voice
trailed as he held out the dirty washcloth. “But if we were to do it, I’d want to
watch the video before you upload it. To make sure it doesn’t look
humiliating.”
I nodded, because it made sense. Neither of us has had sex with men
before, so we don’t really know what to expect. I’ve been watching my fair
share of gay porn over the last few months, while wrapping my head around
the updated parameters of my sexuality. But I know Kyran isn’t well-versed
in such activities.
As far as I know, he’s only ever done this stuff with me…
“You mean like how you football players watch the game tapes to
improve your form?” I smirked, taking the cloth and tossing it in the direction
of my hamper.
He rolled his eyes at me while he finished dressing. “You’re fucking
annoying.”
And then he left.
No date was set for our next rendezvous, which doesn’t surprise me. It
seems like we’re sort of stumbling through this whole thing with no real idea
of what the hell we’re doing.
But each time he shows up at my dorm, we take a step in a new direction,
only for him to ultimately regress back into his stubbornly set ways of denial.
It’s frustrating for me, but I also can’t help but look forward to it. After all,
the business is only growing.
And my appetite for sexual escapades with my stepbrother is turning into
its own slightly inconvenient beast of burden.
The Eagles win the coin toss, an upper hand for sure. And the game kicks
off with me on the sidelines, watching Kyran and jittering inside my eagle
suit.
They progress fast, taking advantage of the gaps in Virginia Tech’s
defense and sinking pass after pass down the field, scoring our first
touchdown in less than two minutes.
 Then, of course, the opposing team does the same, matching our energy
while getting a few more blocks here and there. And before I know it, it’s
seven-seven and Kyran is running back onto the field.
I was made to expect nothing less after reading up on the Hokies. This
game is already shaping up to be as intense as everyone knew it would be.
And I’m just trying to flap my arms and stay out of my stepbrother’s way as
much as possible.
The first half goes rushing by like a whirlwind, and with the two-minute
warning to halftime, Kyran stomps off the field, frazzled, to the sounds of
Coach Matthews barking things at our defense.
He plops down on the bench, yanking off his helmet to have some water.
I find myself kind of fluttering to his right, wanting to go over and talk to
him, but also not wanting to get my head chewed off.
But to my surprise, he turns to me and says, “That asshole is mocking
me.”
I assume he means me at first. But then I realize he’s talking to me, not
about me, and I trot over, tilting my bird head at him.
“Johannes… Their quarterback.” He pours more water into his mouth, the
sight of which wiggles my fingers. “He’s purposely going toe-to-toe, trying
to run the exact plays we’re running.” He blinks up at me. “He wants to wear
me out. Me and Guty…”
“Then don’t let him,” I mumble.
He scoffs and shakes his head, eyes going back onto the field, to the
Hokies’s QB, Mike Johannes, who’s launching the ball to his wide receiver
for a first-down.
I inch even closer to his side. “I’m serious, Kyran. If there’s one thing I
know about you, it’s that you don’t quit. You’re stubborn as fuck. Use that.
The defense will trip them up. As long as you don’t stop hammering those
balls down the field, you’re golden.”
He stares at me for a second, the corner of his mouth twitching.
“Hammering balls.” He huffs a tiny chuckle. “You’re funny.”
I’m literally frozen. I can’t even comprehend the fact that he’s smiling at
me, on purpose, and paying me this endearing little compliment. It’s so out of
the ordinary, for a second, I think I might be hallucinating.
Did I accidentally mix up my edibles with the mushroom ones again??
A boom of cheers tugs us both out of it, and our faces fling back to the
field. Kyran leaps to his feet.
 Johannes got sacked and the ball is loose.
Guys are diving all over it, and Kyran’s chin is jerking left and right to try
to make out who has it. When the ref pulls everyone off, Kyran hollers,
“Fuck yea!”
We recovered the ball.
“Bitches fumbling!” I grab him by the shoulders, shaking him around
while he laughs.
He shoots me a quick, elated grin before stuffing his helmet back on and
jogging over to his guys.
I’m abnormally warm inside… my chest thumping with an excitement
that seems new and shiny. And flustering, because of how much it relies on
the person I despise. Rhyming is fun.
Biting my lip, I watch Kyran take the field, shouting things to his players.
He looks good… Is he supposed to look this good?
Am I supposed to notice how good he looks??
Shaking it off, I plop onto the bench and remind myself not to swoon.
Don’t be swayed by timid smiles and the way his butt looks in those tight
pants. He’s still just your dickhead stepbrother.
Your secret business partner…
Nothing more.

My heart is officially lodged in my throat, which is pretty insane, considering

how little I cared about football up until this point.
Sure, I get the appeal. I used to watch games on occasion, like that time
the Patriots lost to the Giants in the Super Bowl and everyone in New York
was acting like Eli Manning was a god all of a sudden for beating Tom
Brady.
But sports have never really been my thing… Until right now.
Now that my school’s team is barely clenching their lead against this
goddamn force of an obnoxiously named team… Forty-five to thirty-eight,
with two minutes left in the game.
Virginia Tech has the ball, and they’re insufferable, first-downing it down
the field, demanding a touchdown to tie the game. Kyran is sitting on the
bench, his knee bouncing rapidly. His eyes refuse to leave Johannes. Every
move the guy makes, Kyran is watching it. I can almost see the wheels
turning in his mind, his obsessive raging thoughts screaming at him louder
than all the noise in the stadium.
Nothing, not even my routine of pratfalls and Michael Jackson crotch-
grabs, could get him to look away right now. He’s zoned in.
And I don’t want to admit it, but I’m nervous. Our defense is exhausted.
Our offense is exhausted. This game is bordering on psychotic. At this point,
I think we’d need a miracle to keep them from tying the game.
And unfortunately, miracles don’t exist. Because with a minute left on the
clock, the Hokies score a touchdown… And then they pull a motherfuckin’
two-point conversion out of their asses, putting them in the lead.
Forty-six to forty-five.
Kyran’s head is in his hands. I can all but feel the sting of him ripping his
own hair out, and I have to do something. I don’t know where the need to fix
this comes from… I’ve never been one to feel compelled by empathy, but I
just can’t watch him crumble like this. If he loses his confidence, then this
thing is really over.
“Ky…” I stomp up to him as he’s standing, shoulders slumped in defeat.
“Ky, it’s not over until it’s over, okay??”
“Shut up, Avi…” he breathes, slamming his helmet back down over his
head.
“No. I won’t,” I growl, and his eyes meet mine from inside his helmet. I
can only make him out through the stupid eyeholes of this eagle costume, but
I make sure to lock my gaze with his anyway. For effect. “You’ve got this in
the bag. Their defense is fucked right now, you hear me?”
He gives me a look, the desperation slowly fading into visible
determination as Coach Matthews shouts at him.
“You don’t go down without a fight… Trust me, I know.” I smirk even
though he can’t see it.
His lips curve into a grin, but he crushes it and covers it with his usual
scowl. “Fuck you.”
“Yes! Perfect.” I clap. “Use that anger and go kick some Hokie ass!”
Diving away from him, I jump up and down, facing the crowd. Lifting my
hands over and over to signal make some noise, which they do. The crowd is
screaming and hollering, the stands shaking with thundering noise and
stomps to match the fading music of “We Will Rock You.”
 I’m doing everything in my power to keep them going, rallying the hype
in hopes that it’ll light a fire under the players’ asses. All we need is a field
goal to win this thing…
When Kyran gets back on the field, his movements are sharp. He is
definitely not going down without a fight. Four solid plays in a row, we gain
first-downs. And Guty makes each one of them, breaking free from Virginia
Tech’s frazzled defense, getting us down the field fast.
We’re on the five-yard line with ten seconds left on the clock, trying for a
touchdown. If we don’t make this, it’s on Theo for the field goal. He hasn’t
missed all season, but still. That’s a lot of pressure.
But Kyran Harbor clearly likes pressure. A lot.
The final snap happens, and Kyran steps back, looking around for his
men. They’re all covered. It’s fucked.
So he runs.
He fucking runs, juking through the bodies, diving into the end zone him
fucking self to score the winning touchdown.
I’ve never heard anything like what happens when the ref throws his arms
in the air. It sounds like fucking war, or the apocalypse or something. People
are screaming their damn lungs out, and to be honest, I might be one of them.
We’re all jumping around like psychos, cheering and dancing, because we
won the wildest game ever. And our own all-star quarterback brought it
home.
He fucking crushed it. There’s no other way to say it… I’m proud of him.
Don’t tell him I said that.
The rest of the team practically carries Kyran off the field after this
monumental playoff win. He whips his helmet off, and his face is beaming.
Pink cheeks and watering eyes. It’s pretty dope to see.
Removing the head of my costume, I rush up to him, grinning.
“I knew you could do it.” I pat him on the back, and he smiles, breathing
heavily from all the adrenaline.
“Yea… thanks,” he replies softly, eyes flicking around to all the people
shouting his name.
“Running and throwing? I guess you’re the whole package.” I brush my
hair back from my sweaty forehead.
He grimaces at me, but it’s not really working to wipe away his
permanent ecstatic grin. “It was only five yards…”
“Right.” I squint at him, and he chuckles. “Well, you did good. Big
celebratory plans with the team, then?”
His smile fades a little, and he blinks at me. His lips part like he’s going
to say something, but before he can, Guty and Theo gallop over, hanging all
over him.
Guty slings an arm around Kyran’s shoulder. “Nueve! You are fucking
unstoppable, kid!”
“What do you say we go get you some refreshments?” Theo grins at him.
Kyran peeks at me, for only a split second before turning back to them
and smirking. “Sounds good.”
“It’s party time, baby!” Guty hollers, pointing to a few of the nearby
cheerleaders. “I expect to see you ladies taking care of my man tonight!” He
aims a knowing grin at Kyran and winks. “Only the best favors for All-star
Harbor.”
Pursing my lips, I hold in my sarcastic remarks as best I can, shifting my
weight to keep from feeling invisible in front of all these people who barely
notice that I exist.
Theo shoots me a teasing look. “You coming to the party, Baldwin?”
I’m about to politely decline, when Kyran says, “It’s not really his scene.
This party is team only.” I cock an insulted brow at him, but he’s already
turning away with his friends. “Maybe next time, Eagle boy!”
Wow… really?? He just fucking snubbed me.
I scoff and roll my eyes to myself, playing it off like I don’t care. Because
I don’t…
But swallowing feels sort of difficult right now. For some reason, my
stomach is heavy and my chest is tight. I need to get the fuck out of this
stupid costume.
I didn’t want to go to his dumb party anyway. I’d rather drink Flavor-Aid
in Jonestown.
But he didn’t need to act like a dick about it…
Leaving the field, I make my way to the locker room. I usually get
changed in a private bathroom in the back—because God forbid I go
anywhere near the players. With every clomp of my giant bird feet, I’m
grumbling to myself. I can’t believe I actually rooted for him. He’s such an
asshole…
Seriously, all he cares about is winning so he can show off to his jock
friends and the swarms of blonde bimbos who hang all over his broody ass.
His voice from the other night pops into my head… When he was telling
me he couldn’t get hard with Lexi.
It should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. Still, I force myself to smirk
at his misfortune, pulling a carefree grin and telling myself it doesn’t matter.
Because it doesn’t.
He’s not my friend. He’s not even my brother… We’re just coworkers.
Tolerating one another for the sake of making money.
That’s what I need to remember throughout whatever comes next. That’s
the truth.
Creeping into the locker room, I hear clamorous voices, showers running.
I roll my eyes, rushing along the outer edge of the room as quickly as I can
toward the bathroom. I’m not even paying attention, just trying to get through
there without anyone spotting me.
Unfortunately, I come crashing right into a solid wall of damp muscle.
And it doesn’t take much assessing to realize that it’s douchebag Number
Nine. Wet from the shower, with only a towel wrapped around his waist.
“What the fuck…” he grunts, narrowing his hazel gaze. “Are you fucking
following me??”
Shaking my head, I scoff at his audacity. “Could you be more conceited??
I’m going to change… Not everything is about you, Kyran.”
“Whatever,” he mumbles, jaw set visibly.
I go to move around him, but he moves in the same direction. I shift the
other way, and he does the same. We literally can’t get away from each other
and it’s really starting to piss me off.
“God, move,” he huffs. “You and your stupid bird suit! Get out of my
way!”
“You get out of my way,” I grumble, giving his chest a hard shove in my
mitts.
He barely budges, but still… I don’t think he likes what I did.
His eyes harden, those stupid full lips sloped in a displeased line as he
shoves me back. “Don’t fucking touch me, Avi.”
The weight of my giant costume causes me to stumble. And when I regain
my footing, I’m seeing red.
Lunging forward, I grab his shoulders, pushing him backward. He
staggers, his back hitting a wall of lockers with a grunt from his throat.
But I’m not done.
Crowding him is easy, what with the size of my costume. I get him
wedged between me and the lockers, my chest heaving from within the suit.
My skin is burning up, a bead of sweat trickling down my back while I quake
with rage.
“You’re such a fucking prick, you know that?” I growl.
He lifts his hands and tries to push me away. But I pin them at his sides,
and he whimpers. The sound shocks us both.
Kyran’s pupils dilate. The muscled wall of his chest is thumping with
strong breaths, his pink lips parted and shivering as we both register how
close we are, and how the fuming testosterone has somehow slipped into a
confusing lust.
This always seems to happen to us. It’s like something about our
molecules in close proximity melts hate into desire, and I just don’t get it. It
makes no sense, but it feels good. And I hate that it does, because he’s such a
raving jerk.
“Avi… let me go,” he rumbles, breathlessly.
“No,” I grunt. “Someone really needs to bring you down a peg.”
His eyes shift. There are voices coming from just the other side of these
lockers. We’re tucked away in a corner, but his teammates are nearby. And
for some unknown reason, it sends a thrill up my spine.
I’m baking inside my suit, our bodies sealed together with only this bird
costume between us, and it’s driving me crazy, because I just know if our
bare chests were together, I could feel his heart racing against me.
“G-get off me,” he stutters, lips trembling as my mouth inches over them.
I can’t help but notice the fight has seemingly left his words. And his
actions.
He’s not pushing me away.
“Why do you have to be such an asshole…” I whisper, rhetorically, of
course.
Because the next thing I know, my mouth is crashing into his.
Kyran mewls when my lips capture his, and I attack him with forceful
kisses, immediately writhing myself into his sturdy frame. He’s resistant at
first, head shaking as if to say no…
But his mouth is opening for me. His tongue is creeping up to graze mine
in a timid swipe that sends a buzz of electric need between my legs.
I groan, as quietly as I can because there are people so close. The entire
football team is in the showers, laughing and chatting on the other side of the
room, fully unaware that their quarterback is kissing the mascot a few feet
away. But the reality of the situation does nothing to dampen the mood. In
fact, my dick is rock hard, trapped inside this ridiculous costume.
And as much as he seems terrified, his movements jittery and nervous, I
think Kyran might be experiencing similar sensations. Panting and moaning
softly into my mouth with our lips brushing and sucking, tongues lapping in a
dangerous, forbidden rush.
Pressing my hips into his, he gasps as I grind my bird suit against his
cock, writhing into him, desperate to feel him through the thick layers of
fleece and polyester.
I think I can… Just barely. I feel the ghost of his shape on mine and I’m
fucking throbbing for more.
Quickly whipping the mitts off my hands, I lift my fingers to his face,
gripping his jaw and holding him in place to bruise his mouth with kisses,
tugging his bottom lip between my teeth until he purrs. Oh, baby… Feed me
that sound…
“Avi…” he breathes, so softly I can barely hear him. “Stop…”
“Shut up,” I groan, dizzy from the adrenaline and illicit yearn.
No one knows…
He’s mine, and no one knows it.
Clenching fistfuls of my costume at my sides, he dips his face away from
the starved force of my lips. “This isn’t… p-part of the deal.” My cheek
brushes his while I breathe in deep, reacquainting myself with reality.
“Business only,” he stammers. “For the fans, remember?”
“Stop acting like you don’t want it,” I hum, watching his swollen lips
quiver.
“I don’t,” he growls. But he’s still not shoving me away. Or punching me.
It surges me with triumphant confidence.
My eyes drift between us, finding that his towel has completely fallen off
and is pooled around his feet. I slowly slip a hand down to his dick, fingers
tracing its thick rigidity as he shudders.
“You’re a bad liar,” I murmur. “We both know this doesn’t want
cheerleaders…”
“Ffuck off, Avi…” he whines.
Inching my lips up to his ear, I whisper, “I know your secret. You wanna
be bent over and fucked by the mascot.”
Kyran shoves me off of him, bending and picking up his towel just as
footsteps and voices are echoing closer. Stepping back, I give him a satisfied
smirk while he fumbles to cinch the towel around his waist and cover his
obvious erection. I chuckle, biting my lip, and he scowls.
“No amount of money in the world would make me want you,” he snarls,
having snapped his wrath and denial back into place.
My head slants. “Right. We’ll see about that.”
“No, we won’t,” he hisses. “You’re just a dumbass in an eagle suit.”
“Hey, you just made out with this eagle.” I grin, and he growls.
He steps forward, face flushed. “You attacked me.”
“Oh, please.” I chuckle. “You could have pushed me away. But you
didn’t…” I lean in closer to him. “Because you liked it. Just like you liked—”
“Alright, enough!” he barks as a few of his teammates are rounding the
corner. Kyran glances at them, jumping back to put distance between us. “Fly
away, loser. Back to your nest.”
He smirks at me like he’s proud of himself, and if I was a vindictive
person, I would totally point out how desperate he was for this loser’s tongue
in his mouth a minute ago.
But I won’t, because I don’t care enough. If Kyran wants to keep his
hidden desires a secret, fine. If he feels like he needs to keep treating me like
shit in front of his friends to make himself feel better, great.
As long as he keeps sneaking his straight ass over to my place so we can
keep making money, what do I care?
I don’t. I don’t care.
Turning away from their laughter and mocking, I go into the bathroom to
change out of this stupid costume. But when I’m all alone, with the echoes of
sneers and hurtful words pulsing in my brain, convincing myself becomes
just a little bit harder.
 DinoDicks: Search my cave and paint the walls white
Inch3z_aplenty: You’re both so f*cking hot, my zipper is falling for you
NotAStalker: I’d let you fold me like a cheap lawn chair.

“Eat ass, bitch,” I grumble at the screen, my fingers working on the

controller to smash a zombie’s head open. I bash him repeatedly with a pipe
until his skull explodes into a million pieces.
I chuckle. Because it’s funny.
I’m playing The Last of Us. After that little moment in the locker room, I
decided I just wanted to come back to the dorm and be alone, dodging texts
from my mom about meeting up for a celebratory burger. I’m not sure if she
meant just me… Or me and Kyran. But there’s no way superstar would blow
off a keg-sucking party filled with jocks and bimbos to hang out with his
family anyway. And I’m just too tired.
Seriously, my eyes are closing while I’m playing, and by the third time I
die because I’m half-conscious, I let them flutter shut and I end up passing
out on the couch.
There’s a buzzing on the edge of my brain. I can’t tell if it’s happening in
real life or in my cluttered dreams. But then the sound of knocking fully
wakes me up.
It’s not loud knocking, but it’s definitely incessant. Sitting up, I rub the
sleep from my eyes, noting the time on the clock. Two-fifteen.
Padding over to the door, I use the peephole, because I’m not exactly sure
who would be showing up at this ungodly hour. Although in the back of my
mind, I know who it’s going to be before I even look.
 Of course it’s Kyran. He’s standing out there, knocking and knocking,
while simultaneously typing on his phone.
Letting out a sigh, I open the door. “Really? It’s the middle of the night,
for fuck’s sake…”
He pushes his way past me inside, shrugging out of his coat. “I tried
texting you, but you weren’t answering.”
“Because I was asleep,” I mutter pointedly, then cross my arms. “What
do you want, Kyran?”
He blinks at me, as if he doesn’t understand the question, and it brings me
right back to the same level of frustration from earlier. It’s annoying as fuck
that he just shows up here in the middle of the night, in secret, after treating
me like a nothing little loser in front of his friends. I don’t know why I’m
surprised, but it still irks me.
His eyes fall to his shoes, and I can’t make myself ignore how his sandy-
colored hair is more strewn about than he usually allows, and how pink his
cheeks are from the cold.
Still, he’s not speaking, and it’s testing my patience. “Did you come here
just to sway around in front of me, or is there something you need?”
His chin lifts until our eyes lock. “I… I’m not tired.”
My forehead lines. “Okay…?”
“I just thought…” he starts, then clears his throat. “I thought maybe you’d
want to… hang out.”
I narrow my gaze at him. “You didn’t think I was worthy of hanging out
with earlier. What’s different now? Oh, wait. I know. Now it’s the middle of
the night and your friends aren’t around…”
He purses his lips. “Whatever, Avi. Don’t act like you care. You’ve never
been interested in hanging out with football players. I did you a favor.”
“Thanks. You’re a peach,” I grumble sarcastically.
He’s right. I don’t care, about any of this. I shouldn’t feel offended that he
only shows up at night, and only comes to hang out when no one’s around.
Because that’s the nature of this whole thing.
We’re not friends. We’re business acquaintances. That’s it.
So I force down the strange, uneasy feelings trying to slink up into my
chest, and I step closer to him. “I take it you couldn’t get hard again… with
your cheerleaders?”
His eyes narrow. “Fuck off. You don’t know shit.”
“Really?” I hum, and move in even closer, until our chests are almost
flush, taking his chin between my fingers. “Were you thinking about our little
secret in the locker room…?”
He slaps my hand away. “Back the fuck off, dipshit, or I’ll waste you.”
An easy smirk settles on my lips as I spin on my heel. “Fine. I’ll be in the
bedroom whenever you’re ready to admit the real reason for your visit.”
Meandering away, I go to the bathroom real quick to freshen up. Because
it’s only a matter of time before his stubbornness evaporates and he realizes
that I’m right.
In my bedroom, I get the tripod set up and prepare my new video camera
for optimal recording. I pick up my phone, checking it for a moment, only to
find text notifications at the top. But I choose not to read them right now,
focusing on perfecting the lighting.
Business. This is a job. I’m at work.
And I guess in this line of work, it’s totally acceptable to be getting a
boner right now.
After a few minutes, I hear footsteps, and I cover up my triumphant grin
with a sigh. I love being right…
Turning to ask him a question, the words dissolve in my throat when I
find him already undressed down to his boxer briefs. I can’t help but gulp.
Okay… There’s his… body.
Kyran sidles over to my bed and crawls into it, lying down and letting out
a shaky breath. “So… we’re gonna watch this before you post it, right? To
make sure I—we don’t look… stupid?”
I nod, lashes fluttering as I try to remember how to speak. “Uh… yea.
Totally. Whatever you want.”
Stupid. That was a stupid thing to say.
But he just nods in response, settling into my bed. His leg hits something,
and he flinches, moving the comforter to reveal a sleeping kitten.
The look of horror on his face is pretty satisfying. “Can you move this
thing??”
Chuckling, I step over and pick Robin up. “What’s wrong…? You don’t
like cats?”
“No, actually. I don’t.” He pulls a displeased scowl at the cat while I
dangle her in front of his face. “Get it away from me.”
“But she’s so cute!” I grin. “Just pet her one time.”
“No. Come on, Avi, stop fucking around,” he grunts, and I sigh.
“Fine.” I mutter to Robin, clear enough for him to hear. “I told you he’s a
grouch.”
Bringing her to the living room, I get her snuggled up in her fuzzy
blanket, then return to the bedroom. The lights are all dimmed, minus the one
coming from the ring light on my tripod. Still, there’s a bit of ambience in
here, which is good.
Nothing worse than doing something you’ve never done before in full
brightness.
I think the fact that we’re about to have sex sets in when I press record,
because my hands are suddenly all clammy and my stomach is twisting and
turning like it’s doing the Harlem Shake. Rubbing my palms on my pants, I
drop gently onto the bed by Kyran’s feet.
“So… how are we gonna do this?” I ask, unzipping my hoodie.
He watches my fingers drag the zipper down, eyes lingering on where the
material hangs open until I shrug it off my shoulders.
“Um… I don’t know.” He starts to fidget nervously.
I like it. I don’t know why, but I do.
Slowly, I crawl over him, and his eyes widen. But to my surprise, his legs
part like an instinct to make room for me.
“How about we call this a test run?” My hand slides up his abs, onto his
chest, palm resting above where his heart is jumping aggressively. “Just to
see… if it even works.”
Kyran swallows visibly, bringing my attention to his throat as he croaks,
“Why wouldn’t it work?”
“I mean us,” I clarify, fighting against trembling eagerness. “Doing this…
together. We don’t know what the chemistry is gonna be like…”
He still looks a little shaken by what I’m saying, but he nods, then peeks
at the camera. Grasping his jaw, I tug him until he has to look at me.
“Forget about that,” I whisper, submitting to the hunger in me and
lowering my mouth to his. “Focus on what we’re doing. And how it feels…”
A small gasp leaves his lips and I swallow it up. It tastes fucking great…
Like cinnamon booze and secret lust. Parting my lips slowly over his, I suck
on his lower, kissing him gently until I can’t help but hum. How can his
awful mouth turn so sweet…?
Kyran is stiff at first, as usual. But when my lips part wider, his follows
my lead, and I glide my tongue inside to touch his.
God, it wasn’t a fluke. It feels every bit as good as it did in the bathroom
at the party. Only this time, we’re both half-naked. And alone… And he’s in
my bed, squirming beneath me while his big cock turns to stone under mine.
My hands are on his face and in his hair, holding him in place as sensual
kisses bloom into a carnal chase, panting and the sounds of blankets rustling
filling the air around us. Gliding my fingertips down, I caress his hard
surfaces, the curves of muscle in his chest and his abs, before slipping them
into the waistband of his boxers.
He flinches, tensing as I begin to gradually pull them down.
“W-wait… Avi…” he murmurs into my mouth.
“Wait for what?” I breathe, already burning alive and we’ve barely done
anything yet.
“Just… I don’t…” he stammers, lips quivering like the sexiest, most timid
angry boy I’ve ever met. “I don’t know if I… can do this.”
Forcing my lips off of his, I peer down at him. “Do you want me to stop?”
My fingers brush along his erection, and he whimpers. “Or are you just
pretending again?”
His chest bumps mine, as he breathes heavily, biting his lip. It takes him a
second, but he whispers, “I don’t want to stop…”
“Good.” I kiss the words onto his soft, fluttering mouth. “Me neither.”
Continuing with my removal of his clothes, I slide his boxers down, and
he actually lifts his hips so I can get them off. Then he pushes my sweats
down, and I kick them away, leaving us fully naked and my body… between
his legs.
“Ky,” I hum, sucking on his puffy lips. “Did you already get off tonight?”
“Why does it matter?” he grunts, trailing curious fingers along my chest
to trace my pectorals. “Are you jealous?”
“No,” I rumble. I’m not. “I just don’t want to be getting some ditz’s
sloppy seconds.”
His jaw clenches as he glares up at me. “But it’s just business, right…?
So what difference does it make?”
He has a point. I don’t even know why I’m asking him this stuff.
“Prime recording time is when you’re all wound up and needing a
release,” I breathe over his mouth. “That’s what the fans want to see…”
That’s what I want.
Kyran’s face flushes. “I haven’t been with anyone, okay? Can we just…
do this?”
My hand squeezes his hip as I drag my aching cock along his. “Tell me
you want it.”
 “Fuck you, Avi,” he growls, and my limbs tremor with the thrill that
always comes from fighting with him. I don’t understand it, but it lights me
the fuck up. “You know why we’re doing this…”
“Tell me…” I lower my lips to his jaw and bite him. “Or you don’t get
what you came for.”
He hums like he’s fighting for irritation, but the feel of our heated flesh
and stiff cocks rocking together, my teeth nipping his sensitive skin, has
arousal winning out.
He whispers, “I want to feel you—it.” He corrects himself quickly, then
clears his throat, his whispers taking on a nervous shake. “Just… fuck me,
Avi. I want you to… fuck me.”
That’s what I wanted to hear.
Humming, satisfied and so fucking ready, I drop more slow kisses on his
mouth, biting his lips while reaching for the lube I stashed beneath my
pillow. I drag the bottle down his arm to his hand while we grind our big,
swollen dicks together, ragged breathing becoming the perfect soundtrack for
this illicit moment.
“I want you to do it,” I tell him, working my mouth down to his throat so
I can nip that precious Adam’s apple. “Make us both wet.”
Kyran’s hands are shaking so bad, he can barely hold the bottle. But he
gets there, uncapping it and squeezing some lube onto his fingers. Honestly, I
think I might love how afraid he is…
This is a guy who thrives under pressure. Who whips balls fifty yards
while fifty thousand people scream around him. He’s not easily shaken. Yet
doing this, with me, turns him into a twitchy, uncool… virgin, I guess, for
lack of a better word.
I’m kind of obsessed with it.
Exploring his chest with my mouth, I flick my tongue over his nipple,
sucking it between my lips until his hips buck and he purrs.
There’s that noise again… Fuck me sideways.
“How’s that feel?” I ask, lapping at his pebbled flesh some more, pulling
and sucking it into a sexy little point that’s dripping with my saliva.
“God… good,” he hums, reaching for my cock with his lubed hand. “It
feels so good… I didn’t know that would feel—uhhmf… good.”
A smirk graces my lips. He’s so fucking cute.
God, help me.
Moving over to the other one, I repeat the lustful torture, sucking harder,
latching onto his nipple and tugging it with my teeth until he’s moaning out
the sweetest sounds I’ve ever heard. His fist wraps around my cock and he
strokes it slowly with a firm grip to match the painful pleasure my mouth is
giving his chest. He covers my length in lube from tip to balls, jerking me so
good I’m leaking on him.
“Put some in your ass,” I whisper, and his hand slows. “The lube… Get
your hole nice and wet for me, baby.”
“What did I say about baby…” he growls, hooded eyes glaring at me
while he squirts more lube onto his fingers.
I pout. “But I like it.”
“I don’t care what you like,” he huffs. “I’m not some girl, Avi. I’m a
fucking man.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “So guys can’t be called baby?”
“No,” he insists firmly.
“Why not?”
“Because I said so.”
“Well, what am I supposed to call you then…?” I bite my way down his
abs until his cock is right by my face.
Peering up at him, I give it a nice lick, lapping at the taste of his arousal
as it seeps from the head. His lashes flutter, eyes falling shut while I wrap my
lips around his cock and suck just enough to have him melting beneath me.
I know I’ve never sucked any other dicks before, but I really like his. I
love the fact that it’s uncut… The foreskin is so fun to play with, and when I
push it with my tongue, his whole body trembles.
“Just call me… ah, fuck, that feels good…” He rambles nonsense, fingers
brushing through my hair. “Call me by my name, you unbearable nuisance.”
I pop off his dick to laugh softly. “I’m gonna call you whatever the fuck I
want, superstar. Get used to it.”
“Fuck you…” he breathes, returning to his task of lubricating himself.
This one’s a bit trickier… Because it’s clear he’s never touched his own
ass before. He’s a macho, manly football player, bro. They don’t play with
their assholes.
Except that I’m sure they do, because it feels good, hence why the second
Kyran’s fingers slip behind his nuts, his eyes flutter shut again, and he lets
out a quiet mewl he tries to cover up with more throat clearing.
Positioning myself between his legs, I grip his thighs, pushing them open
wide and lifting him enough to see what he’s doing. His fingers are sort of
swirling around and around on his hole, and as hypnotizing as it is to watch,
he needs to slip one inside before I combust.
“Do you have to watch me like that?” he grunts.
“Yes, because you’re not doing it right.” I grab his hand and use it to
probe his ass with his own finger.
“Fffuck,” he gasps, his entire body flushing as I help him finger himself.
Opening the lube, I squirt some more onto us both, stroking my erection
slippery with my other hand.
“That’s cold, you bitch,” he shivers.
“Just for a second,” I mumble, guiding his finger in up to his knuckle.
“Are you relaxed enough yet? I have to get inside you before I die…”
He bites his lip, chewing on it for a moment before he murmurs, “Yea…
mhm.” He nods. “I think… I am.”
I release his hand, wedging myself between his legs. Hovering over him, I
press a slow kiss on his mouth and breathe, “For the fans?”
“For the fans.”
Gripping my cock, I aim the head, nudging it between his cheeks. He’s
immediately trembling, most likely from all the nervous anticipation I can
feel radiating between the two of us like scorching electric waves. When my
crown pushes up to his hole, I’m met with resistance.
“Relax for me,” I croon, moving my mouth down to his ear to suck on the
lobe the way he likes.
It gets his muscles to ease up just enough, and I give him a gentle shove,
urging just the tip of my cock into his ass as easily as I can manage when all I
want is to fucking plunge myself in.
Kyran’s face contorts in discomfort, but he doesn’t tell me to stop. He
simply chomps down on his lower lip to contain the whining noises, digging
his fingers into my chest while he struggles to relax.
Sucking on his ear some more, I hum, “You already feel incredible…”
Hoping the praise will help. Which it does.
His body eases up even more, enough for me to keep nudging, and before
I know it, the entire swollen curve of my head slips inside him.
“Ahh-vee,” he cries a soft and strangled version of my name, fingers
launching into my hair to tangle in it.
“That okay, sexy?” I push in a little more, just an inch, while he breathes
like he’s fighting through the burn of wide penetration.
I knew my two fingers weren’t exactly a proper match for the size of my
dick… And now I feel bad because he’s practically choking. But he’s still not
telling me to stop. He’s yanking my hair and whimpering… But his dick is
engorged beyond belief, leaking out so much precum it looks like he had a
mini orgasm.
“Ohhfuuckme…” His words melt together as they pour from his mouth.
And then his hips wiggle. Just a little… But it’s enough for me to tell that he
likes it.
“Want more?” I ask hoarsely while sucking his ear, biting his neck,
driving my cock deeper into the sweetest, tightest, searingly hot place ever
created.
There’s no possible way I could have prepared for what this would feel
like. It’s earth-shattering. With only about half my dick inside him, I’m
buzzing all over and seeing fucking stars.
“Fuck, Avi…” he rasps through quivering lips. “Fffuuck, you have no
idea… how this… feels.”
“So you’re glad I’m fucking you, then?” I grin on his sticky flesh,
pumping my cock in deeper, and deeper, dragging back just a bit, then
gliding in some more.
“Don’t push it,” he growls. But then his head tips back on the pillow and
he gasps, “Holy fuck, oh my God.”
Shoving into him the rest of the way, I pause to marvel at where we’re
connected, and his cheeks resting on my pelvis. It’s the most incredible sight
of my life… My eyes could come, if that were possible.
Running my hand down, I brush my fingers along his balls and he mewls.
“So… deep,” he yammers. “You’re… so fucking deep.”
“I know… It’s amazing.” I draw my hips back, then push in again.
Kyran’s eyes roll back in his head. “Fffuck, Avi, that was it…”
“Right here?” I barely move, and he shudders again.
“Yes! Yes, yes… oh God, don’t stop.”
Those damn words turn me into a fucking machine.
Totally done with the warm-ups, I begin to move in him, rocking my hips
to massage my cock with the unbelievable tightness of his ass. I’m keeping a
leisurely pace, because honestly it feels amazing this way. No need to fuck
hard or fast when his body is gripping me like a scorching hot fist. Grabbing
his hands in mine, I slap them onto my ass, and he takes over, squeezing me
while I pump my cock in him over and over.
“Fuck, baby, you feel so good.” I drop my mouth to his, kissing him and
swallowing up his sounds. “The way your greedy little ass swallows my dick
is… fucking euphoric.”
Rising just a bit, I grip his chest, playing with his nipples while I ride his
hole, slow, but deep, aiming for his prostate as best I can, even though I don’t
know exactly where it is. But I can tell when I hit it because he cries out
garbled versions of my name and his thick, pink cock leaves a puddle on his
abs.
Kyran’s ankles lock atop my ass, holding me to him as my thrusts pick
up, my lancing into him becoming ravenous. His body is jerking up and
down, the bed thumping against the wall. I’m sure we should probably be
quieter, but I can’t even help it.
I’m lost… High as fuck on this hot, slippery, forbidden sex I’m having
with my stepbrother. The dude who hates me… who’s never liked me, not
even a little… is letting me tear his ass apart right now.
And my balls are so tight, throbbing so hard, I think I’m about to come.
“Avi…” he whimpers, strangled and breathless, like I’m driving all the
air out of his lungs. “Avi Avi Avi… Why do you fuck so good…?”
My head is spinning, pulse pounding, dick leaking inside him as I drop
my mouth to his. “Because… I’ve always wanted to fuck you in the ass.”
He cries and his hole clenches on my cock. “Yea…?”
“Yea…” I breathe in between sucking and biting his lips, pinching his
nipples with my fingers and slamming my cock into his warm, tight, dripping
wet ass, hard enough to grace us with that salacious slapping sound.
“Gorgeous, sexy, awful human being… your ass feels like heaven, baby.”
“Are you… gonna come in me?” He chokes out the words, aiming a
dazed gaze up at me. He’s all hooded eyes, blushed pink cheeks, and swollen
lips.
I nod fast. “Yes. I’m gonna pour every pulse of my orgasm inside you,
Ky.”
His dark lashes flutter as his hands fly up to my face, pulling my mouth to
his. “Fuck, I’m gonna come. Avi, I’m coming.”
He says the words like he’s shocked that it’s happening, followed
immediately by harsh sobs and fast, warm pulses of slick cum hitting me in
the abs.
“Fuck me, that’s so fucking sexy,” I gasp. “Spray me down, Kyran. Soak
me…”
He whines, but my hips don’t stop. I ride him through it, fucking the cum
out of him until I can’t hold it for one more second. Chills sheet my sticky
hot flesh as my balls nearly burst, streams of my orgasm throbbing as deep
inside him as I can get.
“Baby, I’m coming inside you. I’m coming in your ass…” I breathe the
gravelly words into his mouth, sucking and biting his lips, fisting his hair,
writhing our sweat-and-cum-slicked bodies together while I fuck us through
mutually mystifying pleasure.
I don’t even know what I’m doing… If this is what I should be doing or
not, but I don’t care. It feels like I’m claiming him; leaving my mark.
Stuffing my dick in him so deep, my nuts are about to slip inside while I feed
his ass every single drop until I’m fucking spent.
I might have blacked out.
But when I come to, we’re kissing. Softly, passionately panting
together… surviving on one other’s exhales. His hands are gripping my chest
and mine are on his face, in his hair. And we’re kissing so hard and needy,
my lips have gone numb.
“Ky…” I whisper his name on a groan in between sounds of wet suction.
“Yea?” His fingers drag over my pecs like he can’t get enough; can’t stop
touching and feeling. He’s all sensation, and I get it.
So am I.
“That was the best sex of my life,” I purr on his mouth, my hips gradually
stroking in him some more, because it still feels incredible, and I don’t want
to stop. I want to stuff my cum deeper. I want to live moving in him like this.
Our kisses slow to a halt, and I inch back to stare down at him. I just have
to take this in… The starry-eyed fascination on his face. He looks like a
completely different person right now.
I know it won’t last. In the blink of an eye, he’ll be back to regular old
Kyran; my mean, grouchy stepbrother. He’ll remind me that we’re doing this
for the money, and I’ll agree.
But right now, just for a moment, I have to stare… to savor this version of
him.
Grabbing his hand in mine, I use his fingers to swipe through the cum on
his abs. Then I bring them up to his mouth. And to my surprise, he parts his
lips, allowing me to push them inside. He sucks the cum off, and I pull them
back, licking up the rest before kissing him again, filthy and fucking full.
After a moment, we pry apart, and we both blink. Somehow sharing the
same thought, our heads turn slowly to the tripod where my camera is
recording.
Oh yea… Totally forgot about that.
Kyran clears his throat, face flushing an even deeper red as he starts to
squirm.
“I’m gonna pull out…” I murmur. Not sure why… Maybe I just feel like
he needs to be walked through this, because he looks a little terrified again.
Tugging my dick out of him slowly, he groans and bites his lip, wincing
as he props up on his elbows. And I’m staring at my cum as it drips from his
ass. Fucking wild.
Reacquainting myself with reality, I hop up on legs like jelly, rushing to
shut the camera off.
Kyran is staring down his frame, gawking like he’s never seen it before.
Like in one of those Freaky Friday situations where you wind up in someone
else’s body…
Slinking back to the bed, I sit down next to him, trailing my fingers over
his shoulder. “Do you want to take a shower?” His eyes spring to mine.
“Alone, I mean. Not like… with me.” I breathe out steadily and shake my
head. “I’m just saying, if you want to take a shower, you can.”
He stares at me for a moment before nodding. “Yea… Thanks. I think
that would be…” His gaze falls to the puddle of cum between his legs, and he
gulps the word, “Helpful.”
Sliding off the bed, he trots, walking sort of awkwardly toward the
bathroom. He goes inside and closes the door… But I don’t hear the distinct
click of the lock. Which is interesting.
“God, what the fuck…” I shake my head.
Deciding that I need to move, to distract myself from thinking about the
insanity of my first time having sex with a man, who also happens to be my
stepbrother, I flit around, busying myself with cleaning up. But the whole
time I’m stripping off my sheets and replacing them with clean ones, I’m so
very aware of Kyran’s presence. I hear the shower running, and I just can’t
help but wonder what would happen if I went in there…
If I got in and stood behind him with the water running over our bodies. If
I wrapped my arms around his waist, and maybe… kissed his neck a little.
Fuck, man. I am so screwed.
Why am I thinking about this??
Shut it down, Avi. Lock it up in the safe and forget the combination.
He’s in the shower for a solid half-hour, and I can’t stop picturing him
sitting on the floor in there, hugging his knees to his chest. I guess my first
time having gay sex has turned me into a total nut job, because by the time he
emerges, with fresh skin and wet hair all tousled about, I have to actively
keep reminding myself to calm the hell down.
Kyran pads quickly over to the rest of his clothes and gets dressed while I
just flutter in the middle of the room.
“So… When do you want to watch it?” I ask, and he peeks at me. “You
know, to make sure it… came out good?”
He chews on his lip for a few seconds before muttering, “I think it came
out fine. I don’t want to watch it…”
My brow furrows. “Are you sure? You were pretty gung-ho before…”
“Yea, well, I changed my mind,” he snaps.
“Okay…” I hold my hands up. “Sorry.”
He huffs out a tired breath. “It’s just… late. I’m exhausted, and I don’t
feel like watching gay porn right now.”
My lips twitch. “I didn’t say we had to watch it right now…”
“Fine. I guess you can send it to me.” He rubs the back of his neck.
“Maybe I’ll watch it tomorrow. After the dust has… settled.”
The dust has settled?? What the hell does that even mean?
I take a few slow steps over to him, and he backs up. I roll my eyes. “Are
you freaking out?”
“No. I’m not freaking out,” he grumbles. “I’m fine. I’m just tired. I played
the most intense game of my career tonight.” His eyes flick to the clock.
“Well, technically, last night. Jesus, it’s almost four a.m. I gotta go.”
Nodding, I step in front of him as he goes for his coat.
He huffs and blinks hard. “Avi, please don’t fuck with me right now. I’m
tired.”
“I’m not fucking with you, I just…” Pausing, I consider what I’m trying
to say. “I want to make sure you’re alright.”
His jaw ticks. “Yea, I’m fucking peachy. I just had secret gay sex with
my stepbrother. I’m living the dream.” Grabbing his coat, he whips it on like
he’s having some sort of tantrum.
“Kyran… It’s okay to be bi, you know…” I murmur, curling my face to
try to meet his eyes.
He glares at me. “I’m not bi, I’m broke. And the sooner you get that
through your head, the better off we’ll all be.”
Okay… and we’re back to asshole Kyran. Great. Love that guy.
 Stepping dramatically aside, I hold my arm out, gesturing to the door.
“You’ve made your point, dickhead. Have a great night.”
He nods at me, standing still for only another moment before he stomps
past me.
“Congrats on the game, by the way,” I mumble sarcastically, rolling my
eyes at his back.
He pauses and turns around, staring at me. I stare back at him. And we
stare at each other in silence for a solid five seconds, during which no one
speaks and I’m wondering why the hell he isn’t just leaving if he can’t wait to
get away from me.
His lips part. Then they close. Then they part. Then close again. He takes
a step forward, then a step back.
What the fuck is he doing… Dancing?? Is he waiting for me to do
something??
Finally, he breathes out a long exhale and bites his lip. Inching over
hesitantly, he kisses me on the jaw and mumbles, “I’ll text you.”
Then he spins and darts out of the dorm room like he just dropped a bomb
on my face.
I stand in that one spot for far too long, gaping at the door. When I
eventually wade through my state of bewilderment, my hand lifts to my face,
fingers brushing my jaw.
What the hell was that…?
Blinking out of it, I wander into the bathroom and take a shower. I’m in
there until the water runs cold, my mind whirling through images that are
now accompanied by hectic sensations. Once I’m out and dressed, I fidget
near my video camera.
I should wait to watch the video… Wait until the dust has settled.
What the fuck dust needs to settle, anyway?? It’s sex.
We had sex. That’s it. No dust.
Sure, it was both of our first times doing it with a guy, but it doesn’t have
to mean anything. It’s just physical, and it’s for money.
So then why can’t I stop thinking about his lips on my goddamn jaw??
I’m way too wired now to fall back to sleep. Grabbing the bowl I keep in
my nightstand packed with an indica that works to relax my mind, I take a
couple of hits, pressing play on our cherry-popping video.
And my eyes are instantly wide, because it looks… Well, there’s no other
way to put it. It looks fucking bonkers.
 From the start, it’s like we weren’t recording at all. It’s just chemistry,
from the first kiss, to the first moment I push inside him, to the way his toes
curl in his socks—yes, he apparently left his socks on… I hadn’t even noticed
—right before he starts to come.
It doesn’t look like porn… Because it’s real. Like a hidden camera
capturing two stepbrothers succumbing to mutual, lust-drunk desire.
Whether or not that’s what it actually is remains to be seen. But the fact is
that this video we just made is by far the hottest thing I’ve ever watched with
my own two eyes.
Goddamn… It literally looks like I’m making love to him.
I’m not sure how Kyran is going to react to seeing this, but I know
without a shred of doubt that the fans are going to blow their lids. Hell, my
cock is rock solid myself, and I’m in the video.
You’d think watching a video of yourself fucking would be embarrassing
or contain at least a moment or two that makes you cringe. An awkward
facial expression or a weird noise. But this one has none of that… From start
to finish, it’s fucking fire.
Breathing out slowly, I stop it at the part where I’m watching cum seep
from his ass. I grab my phone, making a mental note to incorporate some
POV shots next time when I notice the texts from earlier. From Kyran.
Tapping on them, I tug my lip between my teeth.
Kyran: Hey…
Kyran: Are you up?
Kyran: Ok that sounds booty-callish. Sorry I was just wondering if you’re awake…
Kyran: Can I come over? This party is dumb and I was thinking about what you
said…
Kyran: About the jackpot.
Kyran: Whatever. I decided that I might want to… So can I see you?
Kyran: Avi… Are you ignoring me?
Kyran: I’m here
Kyran: I’m outside. Let me in.
Kyran: Don’t be a dick just open the fucking door
Kyran: I’m sorry about the locker room…
Kyran: You were right ok? I liked it…
Kyran: Do I need to say the magic words or something?? Jesus… I want you to
 fuck me Avi. Ok?? Satisfied?? Open the fucking door
Kyran: Wow that was stupid. Delete that text please.
And that was the last message… The one he was sending when I came to
the door.
Swallowing feels exceptionally difficult as I stare at the phone screen,
biting away the smile that’s trying to cross over my lips.
This thing was already complicated as fuck before. But now, with these
stupid butterflies bounding around in my gut, it’s just turned into the biggest
mess of my life.
He bottomed… But I feel like I’m the one who’s fucked.
 hambrienta4_cream: plezz lemme lick it clean
loveuNOT: dont know how I ended up on my knees with my mouth open but I did
hat3_s3x_is_th3_b3st_s3x: You guys >>>>> anyone else

I’m uncomfortable.
I mean like really, very wildly uncomfortable as I click on the video
attachment, my stomach going full Twister at the notion of what I’m about to
see.
A video of me having sex… with a man.
More specifically, a video of me losing my butt virginity to my
stepbrother… For money.
I’m still not sure this is even real. I might be wandering lost in some
warped other dimension.
Goddamnit… Now I’m starting to sound like him too. I knew this was a
bad idea.
The video begins to play, and my heart is lurching up my throat, my eyes
widening as the formerly empty bed is suddenly filled by me and Avi. We
start kissing, and he’s touching me, and I’m forcing myself not to squirm in
discomfort here and now, because I need to watch this. You know, to make
sure it’s up to my standards.
Regardless, the video is overwhelming enough that I’m contemplating
turning it off. I mean… look at us. What are we doing??
Look at the way his hands are tracing the curves of my muscles… Look at
the way mine are doing the same to his… It’s as baffling as it is concerning,
because we don’t even look like us right now. We look like two totally
different people.
Two people I don’t know… Two people who appear very, very into each
other.
The video gets going, with Avi’s mouth on me and my fingers slicked
with lube, and I can’t stop fidgeting because my dick is currently filling
between my legs and I don’t want it to.
I’ve never watched gay porn before. I’ve watched straight porn, sure, but
even in the homemade videos on Pornhub, I don’t remember seeing anything
so sensual, while also dirty, sordid, and real.
He has my back arching off the bed. Lips shivering. Eyes rolling back in
my skull. I mean, when does that ever happen??
The only reason I even know this is me in this video is because,
unfortunately, I can still feel him tearing into me; stretching my body to fit
him like a glove, his pelvis grinding on my balls, sinking so deep inside, I
swear I could feel him touching my tonsils.
It’s been days since it happened, and I feel him everywhere. Which is not
a good thing. Because it’s supposed to just be business; a job that I’m doing
strictly for the cash. But I don’t know anyone in the world who loves their
job that much…
With some stranger who looks like me crumbling to orgasm on the
screen, I slap my laptop shut with a huff. “Fuck it.” I reach down and adjust
my dick, which is trying to burst out of my pants.
The video is fine. Its only factors of humiliation lie within the details no
one knows… That I’m not gay, and the dude who came in my ass is my
stepbrother and my least favorite person on the planet.
The fans will like it. Chemistry on point…
Reaching deep within myself for all the denial I can muster, I pick up my
phone and text Avi.
Me: Post it.
He texts back after only a few seconds.
Avi: *thumbs up emoji*
Avi: It’ll just take me a few minutes for edits, then it’ll be available for PPV
Avi: Gotta fuzz out you screaming my name :-P
Ugh.
Me: Cool.
Avi: Have you given any more thought to what we talked about?
 I roll my eyes at the phone screen.
Avi called me yesterday to talk logistics. Actually, he called me four
times in a row, because the first three times I ignored his calls. But he wore
me down, as is apparently very easy for him to do, a fact that I don’t
understand or want to think about.
He insisted that I create an anonymous Twitter account to help promote
the OnlyFans collaborations. Naturally, I said no at first. But I’m learning
that he can be awfully demanding, and for some unknown reason, I
constantly find myself bending to him.
I’m telling myself it’s just about the money… But lying in bed at night,
over the past few weeks since we started this little venture, the hidden
thoughts creep to the surface.
Something about him taking control settles me, on a deep, emotional level
I’m not at all equipped to deal with, let alone make space in my mind for Avi
to be the person sitting next to me on this plane as it spirals in a downward
trajectory, headed straight for impending doom.
In the interest of getting him off my back—figuratively, I guess… God,
help me—I pull up Twitter on my phone and whip together a quick profile. I
have a Twitter account, but I never use it. I only made it because of the hype
when the app first started, before I realized everyone on there was pretty…
obnoxious. But I guess it’s the best place to promote online sex work,
because of the lack of censorship.
There’s a porn side of Twitter I never knew about until Avi showed me
his account. The kind of stuff that would make Mark Zuckerberg wet his
tighty-whities.
Apparently, Elon Musk has a different set of guidelines.
Anyway, this is a new account, specifically for this purpose. No faces.
I’m just using a shirtless selfie as a profile picture.
And despite how little I want to do this, my lips curl into a satisfied smirk
as I choose my username.
Not_Your_Baby.
Take that, Backwardz_Cap, you smug bastard.
I follow Avi, and before I can even send him my handle, he texts me.
Avi: Really?
Avi: Not_Your_Baby…
My grin is nearly breaking my face, toes wiggling triumphantly. Until
only a minute later, he sends me a picture. And my face falls.
 It’s a GIF… of us fucking. He actually made a GIF from our video, of the
exact moment when his dick makes me come, and my toes are curling in the
socks I apparently forgot to take off. And the text caption on the GIF reads,
Sure looks like you’re my baby.
I delete the message fast. Not like it matters, because if anyone got ahold
of my phone, there’s enough incriminating stuff in here to put my whole
shameful side hustle on blast.
Me: Fuck off
He sends it again.
Goddamnit! I delete it again.
But he just keeps sending them, and now I’m scrambling to delete these
ridiculous GIF messages as fast as he’s sending them, seething while I do.
Thank God Guty is at the gym right now. The last thing I need is him
peeking over my shoulder and seeing this shit.
Me: Alright ENOUGH!
Avi: hehe
Me: Cut the shit and tell me what you want me to do with this stupid fucking
account
Avi: I’m uploading the video to OF now. Then I’m gonna tweet a teaser that you
can retweet.
Me: Fine.
Avi: So… should I plan on seeing you tonight for more… business?
My stomach bunches up just from reading the words on the screen. It’s
almost like I can hear him saying them out loud, and it’s twisting me into a
knot.
I hate knots. Straight lines are all I need to concern myself with.
Me: No.
Avi: *pouty face emoji* Why not?
Me: Because I’m leaving for Arizona in the morning and I don’t have time to deal
with you
Avi: But wouldn’t you be so much less stressed about the playoffs if you got some
more of this dick that makes you come cross-eyed?
A tiny, completely ludicrous noise comes flying out of my throat willy
nilly, and I bite my lip. Clenching my teeth together, I shift over the buzzing
in my balls and angrily type out a message.
 Me: Fuck off Avi. The only thing I need from you is money. Got it??
He doesn’t reply for a full minute. And when he finally does, it’s just a
GIF of Oscar the Grouch popping out of his trash can.
Rolling my eyes, I stuff my phone away, getting up and stomping into my
room for my gym bag. There’s too much nonsense piling up in my head, too
much irritation and confusion I refuse to think about fizzling in my veins.
I need to go work out. Get my head back on football and nothing else.
After all, none of this other bullshit means anything if I don’t win these
games, and help my team bring home a championship.
Leaving my dorm, I brave the frigid air of December, walking over to
Fish Field House. It’s the building where all of our training and practice goes
down. The gym in here is pretty decent. Sometimes we’ll use the rec center,
but being that we’re in the middle of playoffs and leaving for an away game
in the morning, I’m sure most of my teammates will be here.
Popping in my earbuds and grabbing my water bottle, I lock my stuff up
in one of the lockers and head into the gym. Just like I thought, a lot of the
guys are here right now, and they nod at me upon my entrance. Some of them
shout things my way, but we don’t engage in any conversation. I think they
can tell by my demeanor that I’m not in the mood for chitchat, which is a
good thing.
Getting set up on one of the leg machines, I glance around the open space.
I don’t see Theo or Guty anywhere, which is weird because I thought they
said they were coming down. Maybe they’re swimming…
My playlist pumps steady beats in my ears, and I breathe through the
weight, zoning out and focusing on the burn. I do this for a while, moving
around the room to different leg machines, because it’s leg day. Then I make
my way over to the big wall mirror, staring at myself for a few seconds
before I grab a medicine ball.
I’m bending at the waist, doing squats and watching the way my muscles
flex and glisten, the strength pushing through the pain, when something
moves in my peripheral. I stop to brush an errant strand of hair from my face,
my eyes locking on a mystery form who just walked into the room.
I didn’t catch his face because he’s weaving in between machines, but
he’s wearing gray sweatpants and a tank top, the way a certain someone is
always dressed when I visit him in his dorm.
Shaking that away, I suck in a breath, preparing to go down again as my
eyes narrow at the dude’s tattoos on his arm… The olive complexion of his
skin.
Oh, no fucking way…
The guy steps aside, revealing a backwards Yankees cap covering a wild
mane of dark hair, and a wicked grin.
I drop the medicine ball with a thud. “Fuck…” I grumble, having just
narrowly avoided crushing my foot.
But I can’t even think about that right now. Because Avi is here, in my
gym, entering my personal space.
He starts speaking, but my music is too loud and I can’t hear him. Pausing
the track, I glare at him, jaw straining from the aggravation of seeing him in a
place that’s supposed to be a safe haven from his bullshit.
“What the fuck are you doing here??” I hiss, my eyes flinging around to
make sure no one’s watching us. Of course they are.
All eyes are on us right now.
“You know, I’ve never been in here before?” Avi sighs, his head pivoting
around as he takes in the gym. Then his eyebrow cocks. “The rec center is
way nicer…”
“Shut up,” I bark, and his face slowly tilts in my direction, gaze
narrowing. “This place is for athletes only. How’d you even get in here
anyway?”
“I’m part of the team.” He shrugs casually, smirk widening into a shit-
eating grin that makes me want to punch him.
“No… you’re not,” I rumble firmly. “You’re the mascot. Mascots don’t
do anything.”
He scoffs. “You think those dance moves just happen??”
Raking my fingers through my sweat-dampened hair, I close my eyes and
take a breath, trying to calm the hell down before I blow a gasket. “Avi…
You need to leave. You have no business being here.” I pin him with a look.
“Do you even work out?? I’ve never seen it happen in all the years I’ve
known you…”
“Yes, I work out.” He rolls his eyes petulantly. “I just don’t make a habit
of doing it in front of other people like I have something to prove.” His lips
curl. “Or standing in front of a mirror so I can stare at myself while I lift.”
My fists tighten at my sides. “I’m not lifting… I’m doing squats.”
“Ooh,” he hums quietly. “Sounds like it might be fun to watch.”
“Fuck. Off,” I growl in his face, stepping closer to get my point across. “I
need you to leave right now before I pummel your face like a speed bag.”
 His head tilts, displaying just how unaffected he is by my threats. It
fucking enrages me, because the truth of the matter is… Can you really be
intimidated by someone who’s willfully taken your load in their ass?
A harsh shiver runs through me at the thought, but I force myself to push
past it. That is irrelevant. Avi’s never been afraid of me or my threats. Us
fucking has zero to do with it.
It is, however, making it even more difficult to be around him than usual.
I just can’t stop remembering that video… The way it looked when those two
people snapped their bodies together, like missing puzzle pieces.
The way I can still feel his quivers and quakes as he moved inside me…
The look on his face when I kissed him on the jaw.
This entire endeavor has become so horribly complicated, because I hate
this person. I swear I do, yet now, I have all these memories of doing things
with him that I… really didn’t hate.
I’ve gotta get him out of here. There’s no way I’ll be able to concentrate
with him around.
“Please, Avi…” I whisper through gritted teeth. “Just go.”
“I can’t go,” he sighs, tapping his hand on my hip as he turns away. “It’s
leg day.”
He shoots me a wink, and I’m fucking fuming. I think I’m actually
turning the color of a tomato from rage.
Using my best skills in distraction and avoidance, I go back to my
workout, though the whole time, I’m acutely aware of his presence in the
room. And I feel like everyone else is also staring at him, wondering why the
hell he’s here, which is just stressing me out even more.
I manage to make it through my next few sets, but I can feel Avi the way
you can feel a storm in your bones; a persistent ache that just won’t go away.
My eyes keep slinking over to him against my will, watching him use the
same machines I’d been using, at the same weight and doing so without a
visible ounce of struggle.
I don’t understand how he’s possibly in such good shape. It doesn’t make
any sense. Why does he need to have a body like that anyway?? He doesn’t
do anything.
The only parts of his body he uses are his hands for drawing and rolling
joints, and his giant mouth for talking shit.
And I guess his dick for… Well, yea.
There’s no hope of focusing on anything while my idiot stepbrother is
around. Especially when he prances over to my side of the room and starts
doing deadlifts only a few feet from where I’m stretching.
“Your form is off,” I grumble, and he peeks at me, frowning. I roll my
eyes and step over to him, placing a hand on his lower back. “You need to
straighten your spine, or you’ll hurt yourself.”
Avi gives me one of his doe-eyed looks he sometimes gets when he’s
confused. It makes him look like a cartoon character, settling a strange
sensation in my gut that I’m choosing to interpret as irritation.
Keeping my hand on his back, I tell him, “Here. Try it again.”
He does so, bending his knees while I bend a bit to keep my hand in
place. When he comes back up, I nod.
“A little better.” I smirk. “I felt you shaking… That too much weight for
you to handle?”
He blinks at me and licks his lip. “I don’t think that was why…”
My brows furrow together, and it finally dawns on me that I’m touching
him. I whip my hand away quick, stepping back. “Just… be careful. You
could fuck your back up if you don’t do it right.”
Avi’s lips twitch at the corner. “Are you saying you… don’t want me to
get hurt?”
I squint and scowl. “I don’t care.”
He inches closer to me. “I think you do…”
“If you wanna get hurt, dumbass, I can make that happen,” I snarl at him,
and he chuckles.
“There’s the Kyran we all know and love.” He winks.
Ugh. He’s so obnoxious.
I feel like my cheeks are flushing, and I’m not sure why. My eyes dip
briefly over the loose tank top he’s wearing, which exposes the muscles in his
sides… Sprinkled with ink. Glistening with a little sweat. His gray sweats are
resting low on his hips, fitted enough that I can make out the slope of his
ass…
I remember holding on to it… How round and firm it was in my hands.
My throat is suddenly bone-dry, a nauseated feeling wiggling around
inside me.
Spinning away from him quickly, I grunt, “I’m outta here.”
“Wait,” he calls, and I reluctantly pause, peeking at him over my
shoulder. He drops the dumbbell and hops over to me. “You wanna spot
me?”
 “No,” I huff, ignoring the fact that I can smell him; that goddamn familiar
scent I can’t identify.
He inches in even closer and whispers, “Don’t be a baby.”
It’s too warm. I gotta get out of here.
“Fuck off…” I mumble again, stomping away and clinging to the hostility
as I leave the gym…
With the distinct feeling of his eyes on my ass.

I’m exhausted, but I’m flying high.

We’re in Arizona and we just won another playoff game. Kicked the crap
out of the Wildcats, thirty-two to fourteen, then went out to dinner and
celebrated as a team, getting rowdy and annoying everyone else in the
restaurant.
Not kidding. The people of Tucson weren’t exactly thrilled about us New
Englanders showing up and crushing their team.
But we don’t care. We’re killing it this season, and it feels like nothing
can stop us. Which is why when Guty and Theo begged me to come party in
Theo’s room with the rest of the team and a bunch of girls, I was actually
considering it—even though Coach strictly warned us against getting wild
tonight.
But then the rational part of me insisted on going back to my room to get
some rest. We have a seven a.m. flight back to Boston and I’d really like not
to be hungover for it.
I’m sharing a room with Guty, and since he’s up the hall causing
mayhem, I have the room to myself, which is perfect. I just want to turn the
TV on at low volume and let it lull me to sleep. I’m sure it won’t take long,
because my body is aching and my mind is tired as hell.
Stripping down to my boxers, I crawl into the insanely comfy hotel bed,
flipping channels until I settled on reruns of The Office. I plug my phone in to
charge on the nightstand, setting two alarms to make sure I don’t oversleep.
That’s when I spot a new text.
Avi: Congrats, superstar. Awesome game tonight.
 Choosing to be polite, I type out a quick reply.
Me: Thanks
He reads it the second I hit send, and I can’t help the way my lips curl
smugly at the idea that he was waiting for me to respond. His typing bubbles
pop up, and I wait patiently for whatever nonsense he’s about to say.
Avi: So I guess you can still win games even without your good luck charm
around…
Avi: (Me)
My smile grows, and even a little chuckle erupts from my lips before I
recognize what I’m doing and crush it to send him a response.
Me: It was definitely easier to concentrate without your annoying ass popping and
locking on the sidelines
Avi: I knew you were watching my performance
I scoff out loud.
Me: Performance?? *accusatory eyebrow-lifted emoji*
Avi: Uh yea. Baldwin the Eagle gets funky
Me: You’re an idiot
Avi: So what are you doing?
I squint at the screen.
Me: I’m going to bed... Why? What are you doing?
Avi: Also going to bed.
Avi: So it’s kinda like we’re… going to bed together ;)
Me: No. It’s not.
Me: And isn’t it like 10pm there?? Why are you going to bed so early…
Avi: Ok you caught me. I’m in bed because I’m playing with my dick...
I swallow, shifting under the covers as a frisson of unwanted excitement
tickles my gut.
Avi: You wanna see?
Me: No.
But of course, because he’s Avi, that doesn’t stop him.
Only a second later, a picture of his dick pops up on my screen. And like
a reflex, I slap my phone screen down on my stomach.
Shaking my head, I mutter, “Dumbass,” to no one, preparing to put my
phone away and go to bed. But then, against my will, my hand slowly flips
my phone back up, and I bite my lip. Just a quick peek…
The dick on the screen is hard, and long, and the one I’ve come to know
as Avi’s. His hand is curled around it, thumb teasing the thick exposed crown.
Avi: Now your turn
Me: I’m not doing this with you
Avi: *three pouty face emojis*
Me: Avi…
Avi: Are you alone?
Me: Yes…
Avi: Then be a good boy and take your cock out for me
A chill runs over my flesh, the thump in my nuts reminding me of how
many days it’s been since I came. And then my mind slithers back to the
memory of the last time I came... And what was happening to me when it
occurred.
I bite my lip, my dick already stiffening up good from remembering. But
I force myself to stand firm and reply.
Me: That doesn’t work if we’re not filming, dickwad.
Avi: Who says I can’t upload this stuff for the fans?
Avi: It’ll be even better if you send me a video…
I’m desperate to fight against the urge to obey him when another message
pops up.
Avi: Please, baby? I’ve been thinking about your ass all day... I’m fucking dripping
for it
Grumbling to myself, I run my free hand down to my cock, playing with
it over my boxers as my eyes fall shut. Why am I even entertaining this??
Why are my balls all tingly from that one stupid message?
I can’t figure it out, because it doesn’t make sense. But even though I
know I shouldn’t, I slip my boxers down and snap a picture of my dick.
Just one. To shut him up.
Avi responds seconds after he gets it.
Avi: God your dick looks good
Chewing on my lower lip some more, I type out…
Me: Really?
 Avi: Yea. It’s so big…
My breathing is picking up, my body weighted and sinking me deeper
into this rabbit hole as I slowly type the words…
Me: Yours is big too
Avi: I know. Wanna rub em together?
I find myself nodding without even realizing it, fisting my cock and
stroking in gradual pumps. I just need to come, that’s all. It’s just an orgasm,
it doesn’t matter where it comes from…
Avi: You want me to play with your pretty cock with my tongue?
Me: Yea… I like when you do that
Avi: You do… I know it cuz you give me little pulses of cum to suck out
“Fuck…” My head tips back and my eyes close, hand kneading up and
down while I imagine him doing it… Toying with my cock between those
soft, pouty lips.
I can’t believe I’m doing this… It’s so stupid and it’s not part of the plan.
Plus, Guty could walk in here any minute.
But then that thought swells my cock even thicker in my palm.
Avi: Record yourself
My hands are shaky from the adrenaline and the pent-up secret lust as I
heed his command and press record, capturing myself jerking my dick. It’s
only a few seconds, but when I send it, he goes silent for a full minute.
Avi: That is so goddamn hot
He likes it…
Me: Do you wish I was there?
Avi: Yea… I want you in this bed with me so bad
My inherent need to fight this is fading fast, becoming nothing but
background noise to the overwhelming bellows of desire.
Me: What would you do?
Avi: I would tease your cock with my mouth
“Mmmm…” I’m burning up in the bed, my skin hot and flushed. Fist
pumping harder on my erection, I graze the head with my fingers, wishing
like hell it was his tongue.
Avi: Then I would kneel over your shoulders and feed you mine, one inch at a time
 Before I can even think of what to say to that, he sends me a video. When
I press play, my wide eyes immediately stick to the screen, marveling at the
recording of his dick up close, long fingers playing with it before sliding
down to fondle his nuts.
Avi: Open wide for me baby
Avi: I want you sucking on my balls… licking my ass
A shivering groan escapes me while I picture it… Sitting astride my
shoulders, dragging the wet head of his cock all over my lips. Riding my
face…
Avi: I’m FaceTiming you. Right now.
A sudden jolt of fear and humiliation stiffens my muscles.
Me: No. Don’t do that.
Avi: Answer the fucking call, Kyran. I need to see you.
Something weird thumps in my chest, and I don’t even have time to freak
out over it because my phone is now ringing with an incoming video call.
Sitting up on my elbows, I frantically brush my hair back, jittering nervously
as I swipe to answer.
“Hi.” His head slants, and my teeth clench, holding on to my forced scowl
for dear life.
“What do you want…?” I grumble, cheeks heating beneath his gaze over
the phone screen.
His eyes are sliding down, assessing the fact that I appear naked, though
that part should be obvious based on what we were just doing. He looks like
he’s naked too, and I can’t seem to remove my other hand from where it’s
leisurely running up and down my dick.
“I want to make you come,” he whispers, then bites his lip. “From
thousands of miles away.”
I’m really forcing myself to appear annoyed by him, but there’s
something about being under his gaze that makes me feel like I’m being
seared by a laser beam of forbidden arousal.
“That’s good… Keep giving me that look.” His dark lashes flutter while
his other arm moves. I think he’s stroking his cock the same way I am.
“What look?” I growl, tilting my head as the phone angles down a bit and
I catch a peek of his abs.
“The Kyran signature scowl mixed with your fuck-me eyes.” He grins
lazily. “It’s my favorite look.”
 “Stop talking,” I hiss, dropping my head back while I fuck my fist harder,
the frustration he brings with our every interaction working me up into a
frenzy of confusing need.
“But I need to tell you something…” he whispers, and my eyes creep
open, locking on his gray irises, darkened by the lack of light in his bedroom.
“Tell me then,” I mumble.
“I wanna eat your ass, baby,” he hums, and my balls throb, hard. Before I
can even scold him about the baby thing, he goes on. “I’ve been thinking
about it since the last time… I wanna lick you until you’re crying for me, and
then I wanna stuff my cock deep inside you.”
“Ffuck…” I whimper, clamping at his words and the way he’s rumbling
them at me through the phone.
“Show me your ass, Ky,” he demands.
“B-but you’re not… recording.” My body is hurdling the hesitations my
mind won’t stop tossing up like roadblocks.
It’s supposed to be work… We’re not supposed to…
“Yes, I am.” He interrupts my frantic obsessing, aiming the phone toward
his video camera. “I’m recording this special phone sex video for our fans.
Now, give us all what we want, superstar.”
Oh… Well, in that case…
Sitting up, I gaze around the room. “I might not have long… What if my
roommate comes back?”
Avi shrugs. “Even more forbidden, then.” He grins. “Imagine you, bent
over in bed in your hotel room, teasing us with your perfect ass when
someone could walk in any minute…”
I can’t deny that my dick is leaking at the thought. So I roll over onto all
fours, giving up the fight and giving in to my apparent unwavering need to
get off in the most illicit ways possible.
Propping my phone up against a pillow, I turn to give him a full view of
my ass from behind while my face heats like an oven at how slutty I must
look right now.
But then I hear Avi purr; a sexy, growly little groan of appreciation that
turns the wanton thrill way up.
“Look at that ass… Fucking perfection,” he hums. “Tease your hole for
me, gorgeous. Show me what I’m missing.”
Reaching behind myself, I swipe a shaky finger up and down over my
rim, my eyes falling shut at the sound of his breathing growing heavier over
the phone.
“You wanna fuck me, don’t you?” I whisper, pressing my fingertip into
my hole, just a little. It’s not lubed or anything, but the feeling of it, desperate
to get inside, has my hips moving, chasing friction on my aching cock.
“If I could fly there right now just to fuck you, I would,” he grumbles,
and my chest tightens, stomach clenching.
“H-how would you do it?” I stammer out the words, pulse pinging as my
body coils.
“I would come up behind you,” Avi growls. “Stuff your face into the
mattress, and slide every inch of my rock-hard dick into you. In one… long…
thrust.”
Moans are fleeing my lips faster than I can attempt to control them. “Fast
or slow?”
“Slow… at first,” he whispers. “But just being inside that warm, tight
spot would have me riding you, rough and deep.”
My face drops down into the comforter, ass up while I plunge my finger
in, ignoring the burn of penetration with no lube. I’m just… needing it. I
don’t understand it at all, but I need to be filled, the desire so strong it’s
almost primal.
“Give me your cock…” I gasp and pant. “God, I fucking want it so bad.”
“Baby, turn around,” Avi pleads in a hoarse tone. “Show me your body. I
want to look at how beautiful you are.”
I don’t even remember where I am. I’m buzzing so fiercely on this
craving, it’s like I’m acting on total impulse. Flipping around, I grab the
phone, lying down on my back while I angle the camera down over my body.
“Spread your legs,” he commands. And I do, parting them wide and
lifting my hips a bit to give him a view of my balls and my ass. “So, so
good… All those places for my tongue to explore.”
Grasping onto my cock, I work up to stroking again, writhing up to my
hand while he breathes and growls and fucks his fist.
“Wet your finger this time.”
Slipping my index and middle fingers into my mouth, I suck them
sloppily, pulling them out and dragging them down my chest. I flick over my
nipples, the sensation zapping me in the groin as my fingers trail lower,
between my legs.
“I know you’re missing my cock right now…” he hums. “Wishing I was
there to fuck you full. But you’ll have to make due with your fingers, okay?”
 Chomping down on my lip, I nod fast, stuffing both fingers between my
cheeks. I don’t even care about pain or discomfort at this point… I’m fucking
throbbing deep in my core and I need relief. So I push my fingers inside
myself, forcing my ass to relax enough to take them at once.
Angling the camera, I let Avi watch as they stretch me, sliding in as deep
as I can get them. It’s so frustratingly good, the sensation of being entered
while also knowing it’s nowhere near as deep, or wide, as it was last time.
When it was his dick.
“Pump them for me, baby.” His voice is uneven, raspy and hushed. I love
the sound of it… It means he’s turned on as fuck and about to come. Just
from watching me… This must be the way the fans feel. “Fuck that tiny hole
with your fingers the way I’d do it with my big dick…”
“Uhhhfuck… Fuck me. I want you to fuck me… harder.” I’m not even
aware of what I’m saying, I’m just rutting my hips against my hand while my
cock flinches and swells on my abs.
Lifting the phone and prying my eyes open enough to take a peek at Avi,
I find him chewing on his bottom lip, eyes glued to what I’m doing while his
hand works furiously on his dick.
“I’m fucking you harder, baby,” he gasps, and I groan, slamming my
fingers into my ass over and over. “Fuck yea… Feel this dick.”
“Come for me,” I whisper, lighting up when my fingers brush my
prostate. “I wanna w-watch you… come.”
“I’m right there,” he grunts. “I’m so close…”
“Me, too.”
I’m focused on is his face. The way he’s struggling to keep his eyes open,
to watch what I’m doing…
Legs wide open, hand punishing my ass… Dick leaking all over my abs
without a single touch. He looks drunk on it, and so am I. All I want in the
world is to come right now…
To come with him. For the fans… and for him.
Avi lets out a choked gasp. “Baby, I’m coming…”
“Come inside me,” I sob, as quietly as I can while my climax rushes to
the surface.
“Ohhfuck, I’m coming in you.” He angles the camera at his dick, his hand
milking out stream after stream of cum all over his abs. “You feel me pulsing
in you, baby?”
“Yea, yes,” I groan as my dick shoots off, ass clenching so tight on my
fingers, I can barely move them. “Fuck yea, oh my God…”
Cum sprays from my cock, all the way up to my chest, decorating me
while I flutter and fight for breath. Another hands-free orgasm… What. The.
Fuck.
I’m buzzing for far too long, just lying here drenched in cum with my
fingers in my ass. Until a noise out in the hall flings my eyes open, and my
body upright.
“Oh fuck, oh Jesus…” Leaping out of bed with my boxers in hand, I
scamper naked into the bathroom and close the door, my heart flying against
my ribcage.
Avi is laughing, and I aim the screen at my face. “It’s not funny. I think
someone’s coming in…”
“You’re so cute,” he yawns, and I scowl, resting my phone against the
sink mirror while I clean myself up.
“Shut up, asshole.”
I don’t hear any more sounds, so I’m guessing I just freaked out over
nothing. But still… I couldn’t risk it. The last thing I need is for Guty to walk
in while I’m covered in my own cum, fingers stuffed in my ass and my
stepbrother on FaceTime.
“I can’t wait for you to get back here…” Avi mumbles, and I peer at the
screen to find him basically asleep, curled up naked in his bed.
Something strange sets between my ribs, something tight and bothersome,
like… homesickness. But I push it away and finish getting myself cleaned up,
ignoring the soreness in my ass, and my chest.
“I gotta go,” I huff to him.
“Don’t leave me, baby…” he whispers sleepily. “Just keep me…”
I’m not sure if he was trying to say keep me on, as in on the phone. But I
dispel it either way, because I obviously can’t do that.
“I’m hanging up now, Avi,” I speak softly, blinking at him while he
sleeps. “I’ll… I’ll see you soon.”
Ending the call, I wander out of the bathroom, plugging my phone back in
on the nightstand and curling up in bed. And because I’m exhausted and
sated, I fall fast into a calming slumber…
With a smile I can no longer fight resting comfortably on my lips.
sluttypeach91: @Backwardz_Cap & @Not_Your_Baby I’d let you both pound me into next
Sunday with only some crisco and a prayer.
Olivia_Oil: Not_Your_Baby Ok but could you be my Daddy instead? Asking for a friend. (It’s
me. I’m the friend.)

The music blares melodies into my ears as my fingers work.

Gripping the charcoal pencil, I drag it along the paper, sketching lines,
curves, and slopes. I use my thumb to blur some shadow while song lyrics
resonate in my thoughts.
But I have to stop, and take a breath. It’s getting too real…
Rolling up a joint, I keep my headphones on while I smoke, leaned back
in my chair and staring at a blank space on my white bedroom wall.
Art has been my one and only passion since I was old enough to hold a
crayon. Even when I was little, my drawings were leaps and bounds more
advanced than anyone else’s in school.
But that was about it. My talents begin and end with art, and to a lot of
people, that’s not exactly the gift you’d think it is. I’ve heard it my whole
life, from pretty much everyone other than my mom…
You can’t make a career out of that.
Art will never pay the bills.
These are great doodles, but what do you plan to do with your life??
Even here in school, it’s all about graphic design, because that’s
something you can actually make money doing. And graphic design is all
well and good… I mean, I’m decent at it.
But I don’t care about it. It doesn’t make me feel anything… And it
definitely doesn’t bring me joy.
The anxiety I feel at constantly being told I won’t be able to support
myself with my art is almost crippling, sucking the satisfaction out of the
thing I love. Hence the nonstop weed smoking. At this point, I can’t tell if
I’m leaning on the weed for support, as a medication… Or if I’m using it as a
crutch, to kill any and all feelings rather than dealing with the harsh reality
that maybe I’ll never amount to anything.
I thought coming here to BC would ground me, and help me be more
responsible. Help me to finally stop drifting and figure out who the fuck I am;
who I want to be. But so far, all it’s done is magnify my insecurities.
Yes, college is where I uncovered my bisexuality. But I don’t think
college was responsible for that revelation. It just so happens to be the place
where I figured it out.
The only thing attending BC has actually given me is a reason to become
a pornstar.
Yea, I know… Pornstar is sort of glorying it. The realistic term, I suppose,
would be sex worker… In that people pay me in exchange for performing sex
acts. Sex is my work. And despite how it started, I really enjoy doing it.
I like being on OnlyFans. I like the attention, I sure as shit like the
money… And I like how it’s broken down some of the sky-high wall
between me and Kyran.
That part is still very messy, though. Because while I’m enjoying our time
together for more than just the orgasms, I can tell that we’re not exactly on
the same page. Kyran is the epitome of hot and cold. One second, we’re
melting together, so close it’s like we’re one goddamn person, and the next,
he’s the same elusive and detached grump he’s been since the moment I met
him.
And that’s the most complicated part of all this… I can’t tell where my
stepbrother who thoroughly dislikes me ends, and my business partner who
kisses me like my lips are holding him to the earth begins.
It’s all become so convoluted. I know Kyran’s body enjoys what we do
together… But his mind is still stuck on seeing this as a means to make
money. Which makes the confusing attachment I’ve been forming to him
incredibly worrying.
So I suppose I am able to care about things… They’re just not things that
will help me in any real way. In fact, it seems like the things I care about are
things that will ultimately fuck me over.
 It’s a great spot to be in.
Glancing at the picture I’ve been working on, I trace the body on the page
with my fingertip, wishing it was real. And no matter how loudly I play the
music in my ears, I can’t seem to drown out the sounds of his voice, rasped
and panting how badly he wants me.
It’s just physical, I keep reminding myself over and over while I smoke
the joint down to my fingertips. You just like how it feels to touch him and
kiss him and fuck him, that’s all.
It can’t be more than that, and it won’t be. Because he’s your stepbrother,
and he’s doing this for the money.
You both are.
It’s all just an act… for the fans.
An alarm starts pinging in my ear, cutting off the quixotic sounds of lyrics
that all seem to remind me of him. Lifting up my phone, I swipe away the
alert for the team dinner happening at the stadium in a half-hour.
Two days ago, Coach Matthews sent an email to every member of the
Eagles team, which apparently includes all of us—the players, the coaches,
cheerleaders, and even the mascot—asking us to show up for a catered buffet
dinner in the stadium conference room. I’m not sure exactly what this
meeting is about, or why my presence in required, but I’m guessing it
probably has something to do with the remaining playoff games and
preparing for the Rose Bowl.
I don’t really want to go to this thing, knowing Kyran will be there, and I
haven’t spoken to him since our night of hot video phone sex while he was in
Arizona. Being the naïve moron I am, I kind of expected him to show up
right when he got home. But that was stupid, because he didn’t. I haven’t
gotten so much as a text message in the two days since he’s been back, and I
refuse to be the one to text him first.
I just don’t want it to feel like I’m chasing after him, because I’m not. I
can’t do this to myself… thinking things are happening when they really
aren’t. Concocting feelings in my head… it will only lead to more confusion
for me, and I have enough of that as it is.
I’m supposed to be figuring myself out, not drumming up more questions.
Slipping into some fresh black jeans and a flannel, I lace up my boots,
shrug into my coat, and head out into the nip of December. It hasn’t snowed
yet, but they’re predicting it for the holidays next week. We’re supposed to
be going home for the break, and to say I’m anxious about it would be
putting it mildly.
Attempting to be festive with my mother, Tom, and Kyran just sounds
like something that will make me want to fa-la-la-la-light myself on fire.
The walk to the stadium is short, but still my hands are ice cold by the
time I get inside. There are people everywhere, varying members of the team
meandering the halls toward the conference room, following the smell of
food.
As soon as I’m inside, I immediately regret the decision to come here.
The room is filled with football players, the coaching staff, and
cheerleaders… None of whom even notice me as I slink inside, past the
buffet tables lined with warming trays of food.
I’m not trying to actively seek out Kyran, but of course my eyes find him
right away. He’s standing in a group of his teammates, chatting and laughing.
And he must feel me staring at him, because he looks up, our eyes meeting
for a split second that tightens my chest until his break away and return to his
friends.
Shaking my head to myself, I find a seat and plop down into it. This is
going to suck major ass. And not in the good way.
The chatter amongst the groups of people goes on for minutes, during
which I just fidget in my seat, peering around the room in search of booze. Of
course there isn’t any… Because more than half the people in here aren’t
twenty-one. Not that I’m a huge drinker. I mean, I like to get lit at parties,
mainly to help me loosen up and fight that never-ending feeling that I don’t
belong anywhere. But now, more than ever, I wish I’d snuck a water bottle
filled with Schnapps into my coat pocket.
“Thank you all for coming,” Coach Matthews finally says. Let’s get this
show on the road so I can get out of here… “If you would all take a seat, I’ll
make this quick. We’re just here to talk about the Rose Bowl, and then you
can enjoy some dinner.”
Sighing, I watch Kyran out of the corner of my eye as he walks closer to
where I’m seated. There’s an empty chair right next to me, and I see him
glance at it. My face tilts in his direction, and he swallows before turning and
pulling out a chair at the next table over, sitting down next to Guty and Theo.
Figures. Did you really expect him to sit with you??
“The Eagles have been playing an immaculate season,” Coach starts, his
voice booming. “And every person in this room is partly responsible. As a
unit, we’ve managed one of the best records this team has ever had, and the
best record in the NCAA this season.” He claps. “Give yourselves a round of
applause. You deserve it.”
Everyone cheers and hoots, the players bellowing out their enthusiasm
louder than everyone else, while I just clap unenthusiastically, feeling beyond
awkward even being here.
I’m not a part of this… The stoner art nerd, stranded in a sea of jocks.
“We have two more games to win before we make it to the Rose Bowl,”
Coach says as the noise fades. “And I’m fully confident that we’ll be playing
in California. So I want to take a moment to single out our captain…” He
gestures to Kyran. “Number Nine, Kyran Harbor. Let’s hear it for our
quarterback, with the most passing yards in the division!”
The room erupts in cheers, whistles, and applause for Kyran, who’s
sitting there, smiling politely. His cheeks are flushed, and I hate the way it
flutters my stomach. It’s just so obnoxious how good he looks… Sandy hair
always perfectly brushed back by his fingers… Hazel eyes glittering. His
sharp jaw and full lips. That body…
I mean, come on. Can he not be hot as fuck for two seconds??
“Kyran, we’re all beyond proud of where you’ve taken our team this
season.” Coach grins.
“It’s a group effort,” Kyran murmurs, almost politically. He sounds like
he’s running for office. “We got here, together.”
His gaze slides around the room, landing on me for a second, smile
wavering just a bit as he looks away. I have to fight not to roll my eyes.
“But I have to give a shout-out to one person… who’s been there for me
time and time again,” Kyran says. And for some idiotic reason, my gut starts
crawling up my esophagus. He shifts and smiles. “My main man, Samson
Gutierrez.”
Everyone whoops as Guty smirks at Kyran, slapping him on the shoulder.
My stomach retreats, twisting and turning in this yucky sensation, like I’ve
eaten something bad. There’s no plausible reason for me to be jealous right
now… It’s not like Kyran and Guty are hooking up. They’re just teammates
and best friends.
Right??
I blink hard. No, they’re not hooking up. That’s ridiculous.
And why do you care??
“The two of you, along with the rest of our incredible players, will get us
to the Rose Bowl,” Coach says with confidence. “Who’s ready to bring that
trophy home to Boston?!”
Everyone jumps up, shouting their excitement. Everyone but me. I may as
well be the chair I’m sitting in, I’m so invisible here.
“Alright!” Coach smacks his hands together. “Let’s get ready to kick
some Spartan ass! And don’t forget about the team banquet next month. If all
goes accordingly, the next time we sit down to dinner together will be the
night before the championship game!”
Some more claps and cheers ring out as the assistant coach tells us all to
help ourselves to food. People get up and mull around the buffet tables while
I wonder how many more minutes I need to sit here before I can casually slip
away.
Fuck it. No one would notice if I left.
I’m about to stand up and bolt when a different annoying blonde plops
down in the seat next to me.
“Hi, Baldwin!” Lexi Erikson chirps, giggling and flipping her hair over
her shoulder. “Are you excited?”
My face should answer that question for her, but I mumble, “Oh yea…
I’m so giddy, I might pee myself.”
She shoots me a look, though still beaming with a sparkly white smile. I
guess she’s pretty… In your standard, bleach-blonde size-two kind of way.
Not my type, but whatever.
I guess I like my blondes taller… with broader shoulders and a permanent
scowl.
“Your stepbrother is pretty amazing, huh?” she says on a swoony breath,
eyes following Kyran as he scoops lasagna onto a plate, smiling and joking
around with Guty and Theo. “If we win this year, he could be looking at a
draft to the NFL.”
My forehead lines at her before my gaze slinks to Kyran. I don’t know
why this thought never occurred to me… But she’s totally right. Kyran is that
good. When the scouts come around next year, I’m sure they’ll have their
eyes on him.
Discomfort jabs at my chest from the inside, like a hand poking fingers
between my ribs. What if Kyran got drafted? He could end up anywhere in
the country… Somewhere far away from here.
I’ve always known the OnlyFans was temporary, but for some reason,
this fact just smacked me in the face. He might not even need money for two
more years of school…
 And then this whole thing would be nothing but a secret memory.
I’m sure it’s Kyran’s dream to go to the NFL. That’s what all football
players strive for, isn’t it? Getting to the top? Signing to a national team…
Going to the Super Bowl.
They’re achievable goals for superstar Kyran Harbor. He’s already a
success, and it won’t be long before he leaves all of this, and his worthless
stoner stepbrother behind.
“Yea, look… this has been fun, but I think I’m gonna—”
My words are cut off when Lexi starts waving and squealing, “Guys, over
here!”
Guty and Theo stalk over to our table with their plates, while Kyran
lingers behind them, glaring like he doesn’t want to sit anywhere near me.
But it’s too late. His friends are already taking their seats.
“I was just catching up with Baldwin,” Lexi sneers at me, then shoots a
flirtatious smirk at Kyran as he hesitantly wanders over. There’s a seat next to
me, and one next to her, and I can see him weighing his options before he
sinks down beside Lexi.
Rolling my eyes, I sigh, “You know that’s not my actual name, right?”
“I do.” Her chin lifts in my direction. “But I don’t remember what your
actual name is.”
My fingers dig aggressively into my thighs as my jaw tightens. “It’s—”
“I was just talking to your stepbrother about your NFL prospects,” Lexi
interrupts me again, turning to flutter her fake lashes at Kyran.
Kyran’s eyes flit nervously to mine before dropping to his plate, where
he’s poking at food with his fork. “Even if that did come up, it wouldn’t be
until next season…”
“What are you talking about, bro?!” Theo gasps excitedly. “There’s no
way the scouts won’t be looking at you!”
“Yea, Nueve,” Guty agrees in between shoveling food into his mouth.
“They’ll probably be at the Rose Bowl too. Watching your sexy ass.”
Guty grins teasingly at Kyran, then winks. And now I can’t stop
imagining the two of them together… hooking up in secret in their shared
dorm room, the way Kyran and I do in mine.
He’s just joking around, idiot. Guty is straight…
And I guess so is Kyran…?
Ugh. This is annoying.
Kyran chuckles, but his amusement falls off his face when our eyes meet.
As if my presence physically repels his happiness.
Fuck this shit. I need to leave. I hate it here.
“Hey, Avi…” Guty says my name, distracting me from my exit strategy.
“Why don’t you come to the away games?” He glances up from his plate and
smirks. “We could use some of your hype during the rest of the playoffs.”
I can’t tell if he’s fucking with me or not, which seems to be a signature
for him. He’s loud and jokes around a lot, so it’s hard to tell when he’s being
serious.
“Yea, man! I love when you do the robot,” Theo cackles, and Guty nods
in agreement, both of them launching into robot moves while seated.
Normally, I would be laughing it off with them, but I’m really not feeling
it right now. I’m finding it difficult to even force one of my usual carefree
grins, and I think it’s because Kyran’s look of suffocated chagrin is making
me twitchy.
“We don’t need him at the away games,” Kyran mumbles, still playing
with his food. “He’s too distracting, anyway.”
Uh… Excuse me??
My face contorts in puzzled outraged as I lean in, folding my hands on
the table. “Maybe I’m only distracting to you, superstar.”
His eyes lift to mine, shooting rage at me through the swirls of bronze and
green. “Whatever, stalker. Don’t act like you signed up to be the mascot for
any other reason than to follow me around some more.”
Anger sizzles in my veins like acid as my jaw ticks. “Follow you?? Check
your ego, golden boy. I don’t care enough about you to follow you
anywhere.”
He drops his fork on his plate with a loud clink, straightening in his seat.
“Oh, you mean like you didn’t follow me to BC??”
My mouth falls open in a silent gasp as I look around the table. Guty and
Theo are gawking at us both uneasily, as if they’re preparing to break us up.
And Lexi has a wicked grin resting on her lips, arms folded over her chest
like she’s enjoying the drama.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I hiss at Kyran through gritted teeth.
“As always, you are my fucking problem.” He stands his ground like the
goddamn stubborn asshole he is. “You being here is my problem.”
“You’re such an uptight prick,” I scoff.
“Yea, and you’re clearly obsessed with me,” he rumbles smugly, though
there’s no amusement on his face or in his tone. He’s straight up being a
massive fucking prick to me for no reason, just like he’s been doing since the
moment we met.
“I don’t think you wanna pull that thread…” I mutter quietly, then mouth
the word baby, cocking my head to the side.
His eyes harden as he grips the edge of the table, maybe to hold himself
back. “Just leave, loser. No one wants you here.”
My body is keyed up with adrenaline-fueled fury as I scoot my chair out
behind me with a loud scrape, standing fast. “Perfect. Because I’d rather
choke to death on this shitty food than spend one more second looking at
you.”
Kicking the chair away, I storm out of the room, getting myself the fuck
out of there before I explode. I can feel all the eyes in the room on me as I go,
but I don’t even fucking care. I just need to leave. Get as far away from him
as possible…
I’m fuming the entire walk back to my dorm.
Who the fuck does he think he is?? What gives him the right to talk to me
like that?
I haven’t done shit to him but breathe in his fucking presence, and for
years he’s been treating me like that’s the worst thing I could ever do. Like
my existence is some great tragedy and I just don’t fucking get it.
Just because my mom married his dad?
Just because we’re different…?
Why does that make him hate me so much??
Whipping open the door to my dorm, I stomp inside and slam it shut with
a roar. I’m immediately pacing around the room, yanking my hair in my fists.
Just when I thought we were finally getting somewhere… Like maybe he’d
stopped hating me so much for no reason, he turns around and goes right
back to his default bitch ass ways, privileged, stuck-up dickhead that he is.
“Fuck you,” I growl under my breath, storming into the kitchen to grab
something that will calm me down.
Opening a bottle of Jack Daniels, I take a large swig, wincing as I do.
Then I reach into my pocket for my vape pen, sucking a long, hard drag,
holding it in my lungs while I squeeze my eyes shut tight. Letting out the
pungent smoke, I try my hardest to calm down, but I’m still fucking pissed. I
end up ripping a few more shots from the bottle before I can even unclench
my muscles enough to move again.
Robin comes padding over to me with one of her little catnip toys in her
mouth that she always carries around, rubbing her body on my legs. I think
she can sense that I’m upset, and aiming my hazy gaze down at her, I can’t
help but relax just a little.
Scooping her up into my arms, I nuzzle my face on her fuzzy head. “He’s
just such a prick sometimes, ya know?”
Her purring is definitely calming down. Shuffling over to the couch, I
plop onto it, petting her while she nestles up on my lap. Thank the gods for
this little puffball to cheer me up.
“If he thinks he can just show up here after that, he’s got another thing
coming,” I grumble to her while my brain sifts through memories of him
showing up in the middle of the night.
It’s what he does, after all. Because no matter how much he hates me, he
still likes what we do in secret. I know he does.
And even though I wish I didn’t, I like it too.
If those friends of his only knew… And Lexi, what a dumbass. He can’t
even get hard when he tries to hook up with her, yet she’s still just gaga over
him. It’s pathetic.
Kyran Harbor has a secret that only I know, and that gives me some
comfort while I putter around for the rest of the night. I change into my
comfy clothes, eat a bowl of Lucky Charms, then put some music on in my
bedroom while I draw.
Without even realizing it, I’ve sketched a picture of Kyran, and
unfortunately, it’s not the first. So in order to make myself feel better, I turn
this one into a comic of him in his uniform on the football field, bent over on
all fours. Face down, ass up. That’s how you like it, right, superstar?
I’m grinning and chuckling to myself, drawing people cheering in the
stands, when there’s a knock at my door. And my head falls forward, a
helpless growl fleeing my lips.
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me…
Blatantly ignoring the satisfaction with a dash of excitement fluttering
inside me, I stand up and waltz slowly out of the bedroom. But I don’t go to
the door right away. I stand there, arms folded over my chest, glaring at it.
More knocking. And I can tell it’s him. He has this way of knocking
that’s timidly eager, just like everything else he does with me when no one is
around.
“Who is it…?” I call out, smirking.
“Avi… Please let me in,” Kyran calls softly through the door. “We need
to talk.”
“I think you said enough,” I grunt. But I can’t help stepping over quietly,
peering through the peephole.
I watch him shifting on his feet, fingers sifting into his golden hair. “I
just… I need to talk to you. Please?”
His gaze lifts to the peephole, and I shiver when our eyes meet through it.
I know he can’t see me, but we’re looking right at each other, and it’s
gnawing at my gut like a zombie is eating me alive.
I fucking hate that I want to let him in so badly. I wish I could just tell
him to fuck off… But my body doesn’t seem to share my mind’s desire to
shut him down.
My hand reaches for the lock as his eyes are flinging up and down the
hallway.
“Avi… Please let me in.” He’s practically pouting, and I roll my eyes. At
myself, because I’m an idiot.
Turning the lock slowly, I flip it, then open the door. Just a crack.
Our eyes meet and we stare at each other for a second, both of our chests
moving through visible breaths of anticipation. It’s futile… The attempts
we’re both making.
No matter how hard he tries to push me away, he can’t stop showing up
like this. And no matter how hard I fight it, I can’t escape the truth…
I don’t want him to.
Opening the door wider, I watch him as he slinks by me, closing the door
and locking it once he’s inside. I press my back to it, chewing on my bottom
lip while he ripples in place, wringing his hands and staring at his shoes. His
eyes travel up me slowly, landing on mine. His lips part, but nothing comes
out.
I’m feeling all hot and itchy under my skin, my fingers twitching with the
need to touch him, then smack myself for being so dumb.
I should be yelling at him… calling him an asshole. Maybe even
punching him in the face. But I don’t want to do any of that. All I want to do
is…
Shoving myself off the door, I push into his space, and he backs up
against the wall. His lips are trembling, cheeks blushed pink, eyes wide. I
can’t even help myself… I love the way he looks way too much to think
rationally.
Acting purely on impulse, I grasp his chiseled jaw in my hands, sealing
our bodies together. When our dicks touch, his lashes flutter.
“I… Avi, I’m…” he stammers, but I don’t let him finish.
I don’t want to hear his mouth anymore. I just want to taste it…
Dropping my lips to his, I cut off his words and swallow his sweet,
startled gasp, kissing him fast and sucking him rough. There’s very little fight
in him right now, none of his usual hesitation. He gives in to me right away,
opening up wide for me, petting my tongue with his while we breathe and
grunt through the vicious suction.
His hands are shaky as he slides them onto my lower back, fingers
creeping inside the waist of my pants. And I’m just holding his face still,
keeping him right where I want him, sucking and biting those plush lips until
my dick is engorged between us.
Kyran pulls me closer, tugging my hips to his. Grinding my length on
him, I can feel how hard he is already, his dick stiff and aching to be freed.
Which gives me an idea.
Kissing him a few more times, I pry my lips off and quickly spin him
around so that his front is plastered to the wall. I drop a few tender kisses on
the nape of his neck, and he arches up to me while I reach around to his front
to undo his pants.
Our panting rings through the room as I drop to my knees, bringing his
pants and boxers down with me. Cupping his ass, I’m admiring how firm yet
perfectly round it is, practically drooling like I’m awaiting a forbidden feast
of peachy goodness.
Reaching through his legs, I grab his cock and he groans. I aim it
downward, stroking him in my fist, kissing and nipping his cheeks.
“You’re dripping for me, baby,” I hum, trailing my tongue along the
crack of his ass until he shudders. There are beads of precum spilling from
the head of his cock, and it’s just too mouthwatering to ignore.
Stuffing my face between his legs, I suck on his dick from behind,
lapping at his arousal and pushing my tongue into the skin covering his
crown. Kyran’s entire body quakes as he grips the wall, pushing his ass back
and parting his legs farther.
“Fuck, Avi…” he whimpers while I lose myself in sucking him, moving
my mouth up and down on his dick where it’s aimed between my lips like
he’s feeding it to me. “You suck me so good…”
Head thickly fogged with lust, I squeeze his ass, swirling my tongue
around and around on his velvety head, sucking the skin with my lips and
chasing the salty flavor that’s leaking into my mouth. Using my other hand, I
tease his nuts with my fingers, caressing and pulling them, maybe a little
hard.
I might want to punish him, just a tad.
Kyran gasps, and I peek up to find him gazing down at me. “Avi… I’m
sorry.”
Releasing his cock from my lips, I mumble, “I know. It’s okay,” then
slide him back into my mouth.
“No. It’s not,” he insists, groaning at the sensation. But I hear emotion
racking his voice. My eyes stay locked on his while he bites his lip, resting
his forehead on the wall. “I’m just… I’m so fucking confused…”
The quiver in his words tears into my chest. I slurp off of his dick and
stand, my chest bumping his back. Taking his chin between my fingers, I tug
his face to kiss his lips, soft but urgent. I don’t really know what to say, but
I’m also not sure if words will even help this situation.
I just want to show him how good it is when we do this.
“You’re here,” I whisper on his pouty mouth, “Because you want to
be…”
He nods, reaching out for my hand. I give it to him, and he laces our
fingers, bringing them up to his chest.
“Then get naked for me, baby,” I command in a hushed tone. “Like you
want to.”
I drag him into the bedroom, and he comes willingly. Holding his pants
up, he stops in front of my bed, eyes flicking to the tripod. Then he looks to
me, blinking like he doesn’t know what to do with himself, because I think
it’s clear he doesn’t care if we film this or not. But then not filming would
mean something else… Something I don’t think either of us is prepared to
deal with right now.
Quickly, I turn on the camera, then take a seat on my bed, gazing up at
him. I don’t even need to tell him what to do. He lifts his shirt over his head,
then shoves his pants down, kicking off his shoes and removing everything to
make him fully naked—except for his socks again—and stunningly fucking
gorgeous.
Maybe it’s weird, but I like the socks. It’s a look that works for him.
I can’t take my eyes off of his body; the creamy complexion, slopes of
muscle definition everywhere. Unmarked. He’s a blank canvas, and I’m
overflowing with the desire to use my body to bring his to life.
 “Come here.” I recline, and he drops onto his knees on the mattress,
crawling over me without hesitation. “Take my pants off.”
Kyran’s fingers slip into the waistband of my sweats, tugging them down
my legs slowly. He inches back up, but pauses with his face over my hips.
His eyes are dark and glistening in his clear state of curious arousal as I bite
my lip, taunting him with a look that he has no trouble reading.
Flattening his tongue, he drapes it over my balls, licking a warm, wet line
all the way up my dick, like it’s a big, tasty flesh popsicle. It feels so fucking
good, my cock lurches forward at the sensation, and Kyran’s eyes light up.
He does it again, slower, and wetter, licking me up and down until my head
drops back on the pillow.
“Goddamn, that’s good…” I shudder while he paints me with his tongue,
dropping a soft kiss on my glistening tip. “That’s it, baby… Just like that.”
“Like this?” His eyes stay with mine as he kisses again, slow, seductively
kissing the head of my cock over and over, his tongue peeking out to tease
me until my dick is so hard, it’s stretched up to my navel, shiny with veins
popping out everywhere.
He traces them with his tongue and I’m falling apart.
Reaching for his head, I thread my fingers through his hair, easing his
mouth over my cock. I’ve never felt anything like the way he’s sucking me
right now… Gulping me into the back of his throat, gradually pumping me
between his soft lips while his hips grind into the bed. It’s the best head I’ve
ever gotten in my life, and if I don’t stop him soon, I’ll be shooting a surprise
all over his warm tongue.
“Want a drink?” I mumble, with my toes curling at the fantastic oral
performance he’s giving me.
He nods, gliding his mouth up and down every inch of my cock. Then he
pops off and breathes, “That’s what I’m driving toward…”
I chuckle. “No, I mean an actual drink.” My thumb swipes his wet bottom
lip as he gazes up at me. “There’s a bottle of Jack in the kitchen. Go grab it.”
He gives me a puzzled look for a moment, but doesn’t question me.
Sliding off the bed, he staggers out of the room, giving me the opportunity to
ogle his ass and all those sexy muscles in his back while he walks away. He
returns a moment later with the bottle, crawling back into bed and handing it
to me.
Tugging him by the arm, I push him down onto his back and straddle his
hips, quickly enough that his eyes widen in surprise. “Open your mouth.”
 His chest is jumping while his lips part. I open the bottle and take a sip,
leaving it in my mouth as I lean over him. Our dicks are resting together, and
I have to take a second to caress mine along his length, loving the sounds he
makes when he’s crazy turned on and nervous.
Taking his jaw in my hand, I hover over his mouth like I’m about to kiss
him. But instead, I spit the booze in between his ready and waiting lips. He
actually hums from within his chest as the liquor dribbles into his mouth.
And I watch on eagerly at the delicious sight of his throat adjusting to
swallow, some of the liquid spilling over from the corner of his mouth. Using
my tongue, I lap it up, then capture his lips, and he kisses me back, feeding
me his tongue to taste the fiery bourbon from within his mouth.
“So fucking hot.” I rock my dick into his while his eyes droop shut.
“Want more?”
He nods fast. “Yes, please.”
“Mmm… So you can be nice to me,” I murmur, sloshing around the
bottle of booze. My hand runs up the hard lines of his abs, then onto his
chest, cupping his pectoral. “You’re a good boy when we’re all alone…”
“Avi, I said I’m sorry,” he whispers, but I shake my head.
“Not right now.”
I take another sip of liquor, spitting it into his mouth. He arches up to me
to get it, swallowing and breathing out a ragged groan.
Closing the bottle, I drop it onto the floor, grabbing his hand and using
two of his fingers to swipe his wet lips. Then I bring them to my mouth,
stuffing them inside and sucking them hard.
He’s squirming beneath me, his cock trapped on his abs by mine, both of
them thick and throbbing while my hips move to rub them together. I’m high
on the feeling, all electric warm sensation as I suck on his fingers, dragging
them out of my mouth and down my chest to tease my nipple.
“Avi…” he whines, hoarse and shivering.
“Mhm?”
God, the feeling of his wet fingers on my nipple has my balls thumping.
“Tell me…” His voice trails off, and he gulps.
I peer down at him, and his cheeks are all manners of flushed. “Tell you
what?”
He swallows visibly again, whispering, “Tell me you think I’m
beautiful.”
He bites his lip, and my head is swimming. I don’t know why he’s asking
me for this… There’s no possible way he doesn’t know how purely gorgeous
he is. People have been telling him he’s beautiful the whole time I’ve known
him… Myself included in the recent weeks.
But there’s something about the way his eyes are gleaming up at me. The
way he’s touching me, his fingers slowly brushing up and down my thighs. I
think he might be… coming to terms with something. And apparently, I’m a
part of that, which makes me feel so damn special, I think my heart is
actively trying to spring out of my chest like a cuckoo clock.
I don’t want to put too much stock in this, because he’s always a little
affectionate when we’re together in private. And come tomorrow, he’ll be
back to acting like we’re nothing. But for right now, I can see the Kyran who
comes back to me; the one who knocks on my door in the middle of the night
and crawls into bed with me, awaiting something that only I can give him.
I really, really like that Kyran. Even if he’s not real.
Letting go of his hand, I melt over him, brushing his lips with mine.
“Baby… You are so goddamn beautiful. I don’t think, I know.”
Kyran trembles beneath me, fingertips grazing my lower back. Then he
mumbles, barely audibly, “You’re beautiful too, Avi. I think you’re… so
fucking sexy.”
I freeze for a moment, stunned by what I’m hearing. I don’t want to freak
him out by gawking at him, but I really can’t help it.
He just called me… Sexy?
I mean, beautiful is one thing. Flowers are beautiful.
But sexy?? You only call things sexy when you’re physically attracted to
them. And sure, maybe it just means that he wants to have sex with me, but
even that is sort of amazing.
This isn’t just for the camera… I can tell. He’s actually feeling this.
Kyran blinks at me, because I’m just staring at him like an idiot. “I mean,
I know you are. You’re hot as fuck… and your body is… perfect.”
He’s suddenly much squirmier, gnawing on his lower lip while he breaks
our eye contact. I’m trying so hard to fight the psychotic grin on my lips, so I
lower my face into the crook of his neck to hide it.
“Is it…?” I rumble, kissing his warm skin.
“Yea,” he croaks, as my tongue circles his pulse.
“Does my body turn you on, Ky?”
He nods. “Yea…” I peek up at him and he forces a little scowl that no
one’s buying. “But don’t tell anyone I said that.”
 I chuckle and he grins, playing with my hair beneath my backwards cap.
“Okay, fine,” I breathe teasingly. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
He hums, settling into the bed. “Call me gorgeous again…”
“Anything you want, gorgeous.” I kiss the words down his throat and
onto his chest. “You’re so fucking pretty, baby.” I trace the curves of his
pectoral muscle with my tongue. “Delicious… I could sink my teeth into
you.”
He purrs as my lips cover his nipple, sucking it rough and wet until his
back arches. “Your mouth feels… amazing.”
“You like it when I kiss you everywhere, beautiful thing?” I flick his
nipple with my tongue, then tug it between my teeth.
“Ah… yes.”
His dick is leaving a sticky mess all over the place, and it’s turning me
into a wild animal. Moving over to his other nipple, I suck on it for minutes,
grinding our hips together until we’re both panting and groaning. Then I bite
the curve of his pec, sucking and sucking, harder and harder. Kyran is
whining and whimpering like he loves the feeling, and when I finally let go
of his flesh, there’s a purple mark where my lips were.
Oh crap… I gave him a hickey on his chest.
Staring at it, my thoughts blur, and I move my lips down to his abs,
kissing and sucking and biting there too… Leaving three more dark purple
marks down the stones of muscle.
I peer up at him, and he’s totally out of it. Head tipped back, eyes closed,
lips shivering. He doesn’t even notice what I’m doing. Grinning to myself, I
continue my descent down his body, making more hickeys on his pelvis.
Naturally, I have to stop to suck on his cock for a few minutes, because I just
can’t not. It’s so big and thick and tasty… But then I force myself off of it,
kissing his inner thighs.
“Flip over for me, gorgeous,” I breathe, sitting back and spinning him
onto his stomach.
He goes gladly, and I return to kissing and nipping his sweet, warm,
blushed flesh, making a few more hickeys on the taut cheeks of his ass.
“You’re biting me an awful lot…” he rumbles, pushing his butt up to my
mouth like he likes it.
I chuckle, cupping him in my hands and spreading him open while he
gasps. “Oh, how foolish of me. I came back here to lick.”
Wasting no time, because seriously, I’ve been wanting to do this for a
while now, I lower my lips between his ass and feather my tongue over his
hole.
“Uhhfuck… Avi, wait…” He wriggles, fingers digging into the
comforter. “Wait… No one’s ever—oh. Ohhyess that feels good…”
I’m literally grinning in his ass, lapping at him, kissing and sucking on his
sweet little rim like the fucking snack he is. I mean, I’ve ever had my ass
eaten before either, but I can only imagine that it must be a luscious tickle
based on the way he’s writhing up to my mouth. I want to keep going, but
I’m out of my mind already.
I need to get inside him before I end up coming all over the bed.
“Baby, grab the lube from underneath my pillow,” I growl, with my
mouth buried between his cheeks, kissing only a few more times before I sit
back.
He hands me the lube, and I pour a bunch out onto my fingers, swiping
them over his hole. I feel him clench at my touch and I let out a jagged
breath, tugging my dick to get it nice and wet.
“Do you know…” I rasp, yanking his hips up until he’s on his knees,
“how much I’ve been dying to fill you with my cock again?”
He peeks at me over his shoulder. “As much as I’ve been craving it?”
Draping my chest over his back, I grab his jaw while my cock slips and
slides between his cheeks. “Craving what?” I kiss him, gliding my tongue
into his mouth.
“You…” he breathes shakily on my lips. “Your dick filling me. You…
fucking me.” He gulps, and I hum.
“Once wasn’t enough, was it, beautiful?”
He shakes his head. “No. I don’t care about anything else when you’re
riding my ass with your big cock.”
I shiver so hard, I’m almost convulsing. “Baby, you’re ruining me…” I
draw my hips back, guiding up to his hole.
“Now you know how I feel,” he purrs.
Resting my forehead in his hair, I work against his body’s resistance,
nudging my crown into his ass until the lube helps it slip inside. He whines
out a hoarse noise that drives me crazy, baring his hips against mine while I
feed inches of my cock into him. Stretching him around my girth, driving in
slow until my pelvis taps his cheeks.
“You’re so tight, Kyran…” I croak, building up shallow pumps within the
searing hot grip of his body. “Your ass is sucking my cock.”
 “Mmm… Mmmffuck so good.” His lips tremble nonsense, arms shaking
as he holds himself up. “Fuck me, Avi… Hard.”
“Are you sure?” Chills sheet my flesh, my heart hammering into his back
while I draw out slowly, then slide back in. I can’t even comprehend how
fantastic this feels…
Sex has never felt like this before… It’s never been as good as it is with
him.
“Yes.” His face falls forward into the pillow. “Fucking wreck me.”
“Whatever you want, baby.” I grab onto his hips, tugging my cock out
almost all the way, then slamming it back in hard. He sobs into the pillow,
like maybe it hurt. But his entire body is quaking as he stretches his arms out
above his head, fingers grasping at the sheets like he’s all sensation. “I’ll give
you anything you want, just please don’t take this ass away from me…”
I don’t know what I’m saying… I can’t seem to control the things flowing
from my lips while I’m driving into him like this, holding him still and
fucking into him deep.
“It’s yours,” Kyran whines, much to my surprise, moaning and
whimpering as my cock works in and out of the hot, slick, tight channel of his
ass. “I swear… nothing feels like this.”
“So this is better than your fingers?” I grunt, pumping harder and harder.
“Ffuuck yes. So much… better.”
The slapping of my skin against his mingles with our collective groans
and broken gasps, and the creaking of my bed frame to make the most illicit
music I’ve ever heard. It sounds like someone’s getting turned the fuck out,
which is exactly what’s happening, and I love it way too much. I’m dripping
with sweat from how hard my muscles are straining, fucking and fucking and
fucking him until I’m about to come and collapse at the same time.
Lifting a hand from where my fingertips are bruising his hip, I reach
around to tease his dick, which is as hard as a metal pole and jamming into
the bed. He shivers and clenches on me, the feeling driving me to play with
him some more, squeezing his balls and fisting his cock. There’s so much
precum spilling from him, his dick is soaked. Swiping some on my fingers, I
bring them up to his lips and push them inside his mouth.
“Taste that?” I whisper while he greedily sucks on my fingers. “Only I
make you do this…”
“Mmm,” he hums in agreement.
“That’s from my dick in your ass, Kyran.”
 He nods frantically. Ripping my fingers out of his mouth, I grab him by
the throat and haul him up until his back melds with my chest. His fingers dig
into my thighs, and he grinds against me, taking over the thrusts by bouncing
up and down on my cock.
“Fuck yea, baby… Ride me,” I growl in his ear, sucking the lobe with my
hand still around his throat, the other on his chest, toying with his nipples.
“Why do you feel so good…” He writhes against every inch of my cock
buried deep in his ass. “I can’t believe how good this feels… Fffuck, Avi, I
love your dick.”
“That’s your secret, isn’t it, baby?” I brush my fingers down to where his
cock is slapping against his abs with his frantic movements. “Superstar Kyran
Harbor loves a big dick in his ass?”
He nods again, resting his body weight on me as he rocks himself up and
down, that tight hole stroking me so good, I’m about to burst. “I’m gonna
fffucking… come.”
“Say it,” I hiss, squeezing his throat harder. “You can’t come until you
say it…”
“Fuck me, I love it…” he cries, all of his muscles tightening. “I love a big
dick in my ass…”
Circling his nuts with my thumb and forefinger, I grip them hard until he
chokes. “Whose?”
“Yours, Avi. I love your big, hard dick fucking my ass.”
“You wanna come on your stepbrother’s cock?”
“Yesss, please,” he gasps.
“Is your warm, tight hole gonna suck out your stepbrother’s come?”
He sounds like he can barely breathe, whining the strangled words, “I
want it… I want my stepbrother to drain his balls deep in my ass.”
Jesus, his filthy fucking mouth is gonna make me come… “I’m there,
baby,” I tell him as my balls tighten and I fuck up into him rough, animalistic
in the way we’re slamming our bodies together. “Come for me, gorgeous.”
“I’m coming for you…” His entire body shudders, and he groans out
loud.
Pulses of slick orgasm shoot up from his cock, hitting him in the chest
and flowing down his muscles. I’m watching it happen over his shoulder,
mesmerized at how fucking sexy he looks when he comes.
He is so beautiful… Gorgeous and perfect… and mine.
Kyran’s body slumps forward, and I hold his cheeks open, watching my
dick disappear into his ass as my own climax pulls me over the edge. And I
begin throbbing inside him.
“Fill me, Avi…” he whimpers, reaching underneath us to massage my
balls, fingers tracing where we’re joined. The feeling keeps my orgasm going
on for longer than I thought possible. And my thrusts don’t stop chasing it,
pushing my cum into him as deep as I can get it.
“God, I fucking love coming in you…” I groan, my voice all hoarse and
shaky. I lean over his back, our slick muscles sliding together while I rut into
him, milking it all out. “You’re so perfect the way you take it, baby.”
“Keep going…” he pleads quietly. “Keep fucking me.”
My brain is hazy as I give him what he wants, stroking my dick in him
until it begins to soften. I don’t even understand it, but he can’t get enough,
mewling and gasping the entire time, like he might be having multiple
orgasms… Which I didn’t even know was possible for guys.
I know he would hate to hear this, but I think Kyran is a power bottom.
Seriously… Whether he likes it or not, he was made to take dick in his ass.
But then something unwanted pops into my head… An image of him with
someone who isn’t me. Pictures of him giving his ass to other guys are
swarming my mind, and I hate it. It makes me want to retch.
Pulling out, I flop down onto the bed beside him, and he collapses with a
breath, stretching out his limbs. I struggle to swallow the ickiness climbing
up my throat, focusing on running my fingers along his bicep while he rolls
onto his side, blinking at me. My hat is half dangling off my head, so he
pushes it off the rest of the way. And I have no freaking idea what makes me
do this, but before his arm pulls away from me, I press a kiss onto his wrist.
He stares at me for a moment, eyes glazed from the orgasm, hair all
tousled around. He looks amazing, and I really hate it. I hate how good he
always looks, and how I can’t help but fixate on it. I hate how I just know
that everyone fixates on it, and it’s only a matter of time before he decides
to… branch out and let other people see him the way I am right now.
“Are you going to run away again…?” I whisper, gliding my fingers
down to the bruises already forming on his hip.
“Would it matter?” He chews on his swollen bottom lip. “I’ll just show
back up…” His eyes fall from mine while I fall into the spell of his Adam’s
apple sliding in his throat. “I can’t stop…”
“Then stop trying,” I hum, going for broke and sloping my calf over his,
nestling into him. Kissing his neck, shoulder, arm…
 “But I have to.” He pulls back, sitting up like he’s about to bolt.
I sigh out of frustration, and some sadness I wish wasn’t there, dropping
my face into the pillow. “You don’t… But whatever.”
The feel of his fingers tracing mine curls my neck, and I peer up at him.
“Avi… I need you to know that I’m really sorry about what I said
earlier,” he mumbles, in a tone I haven’t heard from him all that often.
Sincerity, and regret. “I didn’t mean any of it, I was just…”
“Being an asshole.” I smirk, and he chuckles.
“Yea,” he sighs, nodding slowly. “A huge, obnoxious asshole.”
“Well, at least you can admit it,” I breathe, wriggling myself closer to
him.
“I still have to go, though.” He inches away.
I shake my head petulantly. “No.”
“Yes.” He grins.
I walk my fingers up his thigh. “I’ll only forgive you if you stay…”
“Avi, I can’t stay here.” His tone grows a little firmer, the seriousness
pulling my eyes up to his.
“Because you’re afraid of someone seeing you leave in the morning…”
He swallows, but doesn’t respond.
I know I’m going to regret asking this, but I can’t help myself.
“Don’t you want to know what this looks like when it’s not hidden away
in the middle of the night?”
He stares at me for a moment in silence before rumbles, “I… I don’t
know.”
Huffing out of pure despondence, I flop onto my back. “Fine. Bye, Kyran.
I’ll see you next time you decide to swing by.”
“Why are you being like this?”
“Because.” I sit up fast. “You were a huge, obnoxious asshole to me
today, Kyran. And then you showed up, and I should have told you to fuck
off. But I didn’t…” I gulp. “Because I can’t.”
He blinks at me. “Don’t be mad…”
I shake my head. Do I even know how to be mad? Do I know how to act
around people who make me feel the way he does?
No. The answer is fucking no, because this is the first time I’ve ever
experienced it.
He leans in, softly kissing my lips. But it’s over too quick, and he’s
pulling away when I want to be sinking in deeper.
 “I’ll see you later.”
He gets up, bringing his clothes with him into the bathroom. And I just
flop back down into the bed, covering my face with the pillow to distract
myself from the fact that he’s in there, and he probably didn’t lock the door
again.
And my pillow smells like him. My whole damn bed smells like him…
Like amber and honey and something citrusy I can’t place...
Oh, shit. Flinging upright, my face tilts in the direction of my camera,
which is still recording. I shake my head and get up, turning it off.
Once again, I forgot we were filming. Because the Fans is seeming more
and more like an afterthought lately.
“Avi!” Kyran’s voice roars from inside the bathroom, and I press my lips
together.
Guess he finally noticed the hickeys…
He comes storming out in his boxers, fuming, and it’s a struggle to keep
from grinning, or admiring how incredible he looks decorated in my little
love bites.
“Are you fucking serious?!” he hisses.
“What’s wrong?” I play dumb, giving him a few innocent flutters of my
eyelashes.
“You know I’m a football player, right?” he seethes. “I have to strip down
in front of other guys in the locker room…”
“That sounds fun.” I allow a teasing smirk out, and it clearly enrages him
further.
“This isn’t funny!” he barks. “How am I going to explain this??”
Stepping over to him, I assess the marks on his chest, and his abs…
leading down into his boxer briefs. “Just say they’re from a girl.” I shrug.
“They’re on my ass,” he growls, and I slap my hand over my mouth to
keep the chuckles in. “Along with these nice fingerprint bruises!” He tugs his
boxers down a bit, and now I kind of feel bad.
I don’t really regret marking him the way I did… He deserves it for being
an asshole earlier. But still, he has a point. It might be difficult to claim a girl
did that.
Tracing the marks with my finger, I hear him exhale, and my eyes slide
up to his. “It’s really sexy, though…”
His visible anger slips away, and he blinks at me, parting his lips like he’s
going to say something. But then his chin dips, to where Robin is rubbing
herself on his legs. I have to grin, because it’s pretty cute. She’s comforting
him when he’s upset, just like she does to me.
Kyran looks like he doesn’t know what to do with her, glancing at me
with his brow cocked. “What’s its name?”
“Robin.” I bite my lip.
He squints down at her. “Why Robin?”
“Because she’s my sidekick,” I tell him. He peeks at me. “I’m Batman.”
A laugh bubbles out of him, and I feel like the inside of my chest is on
fire. “Cute. Is one of Batman’s moves to leave hickeys all over his enemies? I
don’t remember reading that in any of the comics…”
I didn’t know he read Batman… Interesting.
Chuckling, I tilt my head at him. “Could be one way to defeat you…”
“And which villain am I?”
Curling my fingers around his hip, I lean in to his ear. “I’d say you’re Mr.
Freeze… Because you’re ice cold.”
He swallows, and I melt our warm flesh together, kissing his neck slowly
while he whispers, “Am I…?”
“Not always.” My hand runs up his chest. But before I can continue with
my shameless attempts at getting him to stay, he pulls away.
“I have to go, Avi.” He gives me a look like he’s not really sure if he
wants to, and it’s starting to rip me up a little.
I just nod—it’s all I can do—as he wanders back into the bathroom,
getting dressed quickly.
On his way out the door, he stops to look over his shoulder. His eyes drop
to the cat, and he says, “Bye, Robin.” Then he aims those pretty orbs of awed
hazel at me and whispers, “Bye, Batman.”
 S4int_d1ck: You be Santa. I’ll be the elf helping empty your sac.
BigDickBritBoy: @Backwardz_Cap @Not_Your_Baby Wanna collab? You both look like
hard workers and I have two openings you can fill

Sooo…
I spent the afternoon doing something I never in a million years could
have predicted I’d do willingly…
I gave myself an enema.
Okay, before you judge me, just let me explain.
I was on Twitter, checking comments from the fans. Engaging, so on and
so forth, per Avi’s request. But then my curiosity won out, and I started
checking the accounts of other OnlyFans creators, just to see what they do
and what they’re like online. If there are things I could maybe… learn from
them. It was like research.
One thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, I’d fallen into a gay
rabbit hole on Tumblr. I somehow wound up reading posts by gay dudes—
specifically bottoms—who were describing their… regimens, for lack of a
better word that makes this seem less bizarre.
I don’t want to admit that reading this stuff made me feel like a total
noob… But it did. So I decided to take some mental notes on how to make
sure I never embarrass myself in front of Avi. Because he’s my partner.
My business partner, I mean. That’s it.
I’m not doing it for him, I’m doing it for myself. And the Fans.
I snuck off to the drugstore, incognito, with a hat pulled down so low over
my face I could barely see as I purchased everything I needed. Then I waited
for Guty to leave, and proceeded to spend hours in the bathroom, grooming
my… undercarriage, if you will, and giving myself an intentional saline
enema.
No, it was not pretty, and no, I don’t wish to discuss the details any
further.
Suffice it to say, I’ll be going into my next sexual encounter with my
stepbrother prepared. It’s all part of the lifestyle, I guess. And by lifestyle, I
mean that of a gay porn content creator.
None of this is stuff I ever envisioned myself doing, but I’m really trying
my hardest to dart past the hang-ups and admit that I enjoy working with Avi.
I mean, the videos speak for themselves. Sex with him is epically better than
any I’ve had before… And while I’m still wrestling with what that means
exactly, for my identity, I think getting paid massive amounts of money to
have mind-boggling orgasms is enough of a motivator for me to stuff down
my inner doubts and insecurities as best I can. For now.
Outside of the business, things with me and Avi are still a little weird, and
I’m not sure if they ever won’t be. After all, how do you go through the kinds
of things we’ve been experiencing together and not form some type of
attachment? He sees a side of me that no one else has ever seen before, and as
much as I want to keep hating him, because I feel like I should, I can’t help
that the resentment is slowly wearing off.
I’m starting to feel like the attention from the fans is just a bonus… And
the real attention I’m craving is from the one person I always told myself I
hated.
It’s extremely concerning, for a lot of different reasons, the main one
being that this was never supposed to be about me and Avi. It’s supposed to
be about money, plain and simple. But the other night, it didn’t dawn on me
until I was back in my own dorm, in bed and trying desperately to fall asleep,
that we’d been filming the whole thing.
The camera might as well not even have been there.
And that’s a problem. Because I’m not gay, and Avi is my stepbrother. I
shouldn’t be doing what I’ve been doing with him in the first place, but the
second we lose sight of why we started doing it, this turns into a much bigger
problem…
A life-altering one.
I don’t want to think about confronting this stuff. My goal since I was
twelve years old has been to stuff it all down. Avoid, distract, deny. That’s
how I cope… The only way I’m even surviving the endless inner torment
known as my life.
I don’t think I can juggle these two completely different versions of
myself…
Are either of them the real me?
Who even am I??
As chaotic as all of these thoughts are, they’re just adding to the stress of
my current predicament. I’m packing a bag right now, preparing to go home
for the holidays.
Christmas break is supposed to be fun. I’m sure most other students are
looking forward to spending the holidays with their families, opening
presents, sipping hot cocoa, talking and laughing and being normal.
But not me. I’m filled with mortal dread as I remove clothes from my
travel bag and stuff in new ones. We just got back last night from a playoff
game in Mississippi, where we defeated Ole Miss twenty-four to seventeen. It
was a tight win… Their defense was on us like glue, and we only made it by
the skin of our teeth. I refuse to admit that my head was elsewhere, but I was
having trouble concentrating just a little.
And now I’m being forced to spend an entire week in that house I worked
my ass off to escape from, with my miserable father, my suffering
stepmother, and the guy I’ve been having secret gay sex with for money, who
also happens to be my stepbrother.
If anyone has a vial of poison they’d like to slip into my coat pocket,
now’s the time.
Guty left early this morning for his flight back to Nevada, so I’m just sort
of lingering around in the dorm. I still have a few hours to kill before I need
to leave…
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, without even knowing why I’m
doing it, I open my text messages and type a new one.
Me: Hey… You wanna hang for a few before we go home?
My foot is tapping rapidly on the floor while I chew my lower lip,
pretending like I’m not watching the screen out of the corner of my eye for
the moment he reads the message.
Five whole minutes pass, and eventually I shake my head, feeling like an
idiot as I open the Uber app. But just as I’m about to order it, a text pings.
Avi: Yea, that would be cool.
 Avi: Come over. And bring burgers ;)
Rolling my eyes, I stuff my phone away and grab my stuff, heading for
the door. The walk to his dorm is less than five minutes, during which I’m
pulling the collar of my coat up around my neck to avoid the cold. When I get
inside and up to his floor, I let out a breath before knocking. I’m feeling all
manners of jittery while I listen to him clomping up to the door.
He whips it open, the elated grin slipping off his face when he sees me.
“Why are you frowning?” I push past Avi into his dorm, and he closes the
door behind me. “Expecting someone else?” I cock my eyebrow at him while
shrugging out of my coat.
“I asked you to bring burgers, and yet here you are, burger-free.” He
sidles around me to the kitchen in his backwards cap and sweatpants, and I
force myself not to spend one more second looking at his bare chest.
“I’m not DoorDash, bitch,” I grumble, accepting the cup he’s offering
me. “If you want burgers, fucking order them yourself.”
“Always a ray of sunshine.” He smirks sarcastically, and I shrug, taking a
drink.
I certainly need it to calm the hectic rapids crashing inside me from the
fact that I’m here again.
I think it’s clear that I’m not a go-with-the-flow kind of person.
Sometimes I wish I was, but it’s just not me. I haven’t been optimistically
easy-going since I was a kid. Everything I do in my life is intricately planned
out and crafted to fit the image of myself I’ve created, to ensure I never get
caught with my guard down ever again.
Or at least that’s how it was… Until I started engaging in gay liaisons
with my stepbrother for money.
And speaking of the money, it’s been huge. We’ve brought in more than
double from the last two videos than we made on the previous ones. And I
have to admit, being able to see all of the hype surrounding the two of us with
my own eyes, in real-time, threw a wrench into my original plan of cutting
this thing off the second I had my housing payments.
Giving in to this situation is starting to feel like a new mask for me to
wear. When I’m alone with Avi, I’m someone else. I’m playing a part, and
whether or not it feels real is irrelevant. This version of Kyran Harbor finds
solace in letting go of his control… Just a tiny bit. Just enough to distract him
from reality, and the cavernous abyss of darkness inside.
He’s not even Kyran Harbor at all… He’s Not_Your_Baby.
 “So, I was thinking…” Avi says, chewing on a red straw in his drink.
“We should make my OnlyFans a joint account. People love couple’s
accounts. And plus, I’m not really making solo content anymore, anyway.”
I’m listening to him, but my eyes are narrowed in on the straw he’s now
biting chunks out of. “Is that a Twizzler in your drink?” He grins wide and
nods. “What are you… eight??”
“Are you saying you’re not a fan of my childlike whimsy?” He smirks.
I stare at him for a moment before shaking my head. “You’re an idiot.”
His face slants while he gnaws on that damn Twizzler. “Why are you so
tense?”
“I’m not tense…” I lie, feeling stupid for saying it because I’m obviously
not doing great, the stress of all the bullshit in my life perched heavily on my
shoulders.
“You want me to help you relax…?” His grin widens.
My stomach twists for some reason, and I force myself to appear
unaffected by his offer… And not like I’m considering what that would be
like just the tiniest bit.
“I’m good,” I huff.
He steps forward, inching closer until I can feel the heat coming off his
exposed skin. “But you know I’m good at it…” Reaching out, he slips his
finger through one of the belt loops on my jeans, tugging me into him.
I can feel my face flushing, but I stuff it down and shove him away. “Avi,
stop fucking around. Let’s just… talk business.”
“But fucking around is our business.” He beams, and I roll my eyes.
Surrendering his endless goofiness, he sighs. “Fine, sheesh. For someone
who’s been having an abundance of toe-curling orgasms, you’re still awfully
uptight.”
He eases around me, sauntering over to the couch and plopping down
onto it, while I stand, fluttering in place and trying desperately to push away
thoughts of him helping me loosen up.
Clearing my throat, I finish my drink, joining him on the couch. He has
his laptop in front of him, and when I check the screen, I see that he has two
windows open side-by-side. His OnlyFans and his Twitter.
Pulling up the details of his OF profile, he peeks at me. “So… joint
account. Thoughts?”
I nod. “Yea. Fine. Whatever you think is best.”
“I’m not going to change the whole thing, but I’ll modify the description
to reflect that we’re mostly just… collaborating. Together.” He gives me a
twinkly look that spreads bizarre warmth in my chest.
Shifting from the overwhelming notion of this, I clear my throat and nod
again. “’Kay…”
“’Cause I’m not… collaborating with anyone else,” he murmurs, eyes
flicking to me in between tapping on his keyboard. “Are you?”
“No…” I whisper. “I don’t even want to be doing this with you…
Remember?”
The words feel like acid on my tongue.
Avi’s lashes flutter at my face before he rasps, “Right. How could I
forget…”
“I… I think that came out wrong,” I start to backtrack.
But he gives me a grin that looks a little forced and says, “Don’t worry
about it. I know what you meant.”
My brow arches. “Do you?”
He shrugs. And now I’m even more confused.
What the hell are we doing?? None of this is making any sense…
When we’re alone together at night, fooling around for the fans, it feels
like we’re something else. Two different people. I like the way it feels to be
those people. But then I don’t feel like I’m supposed to, and it fucks me all
up.
“Here.” His voice cuts into my worrisome thought. “Let’s make a post for
the fans. To get them excited about the… merger.”
“Okay…” I blink while he goes back to the computer, typing out a new
description. “What kind of post?”
Avi grabs his phone off the table, opens the front-facing camera, and aims
it at us. Before I can even process what he’s doing, he slinks his fingers onto
my jaw and tugs me to his mouth. I’m sort of startled at first, par for the
course when kissing him, because it’s just so different…
I guess in theory it could feel like a girl’s mouth… Warm, with full, soft
lips like fluffy pillows. But he’s more dominant than any girl I’ve ever
kissed; the way his mouth advances on mine, as if he’s a settler exploring
new territory and claiming it for himself.
He also does this thing where he bites my bottom lip, but in a gentle,
erotic sort of way, tugging it between his teeth before grazing it with his
tongue, then brushing it inside my mouth to tease mine. It hypnotizes me;
puts me in a trance, like when you hold a cat by the scruff of its neck.
 He’s a really fucking great kisser, but I don’t think I can voice such
compliments to him. Instead, I’m just shivering here, under the spell of his
mouth while his hand glides down my chest, thumb flicking my nipple
through my shirt until I whimper.
I hear the distinct sound of a picture being taken, and it snaps me out of it.
My eyes open as he’s pulling back, blinking hooded lids at me.
“See?” he breathes, his voice all gravelly. “The business can still… feel
good.”
What does that mean?? I’m so confused…
I don’t think I could speak if I had words to offer up. So I just sit quietly
while he assesses the picture of us on the screen.
“Aw, this came out so good,” he sighs, almost flippantly, the way you’d
cheer over a great picture of a sunset.
Pursing my lips, and once again ignoring the heat in my face, I check the
screen. The picture of us kissing brings on the same tingling thrill I’ve felt
while watching our videos. It looks like a picture of two strangers; a couple.
A wave of unease crashes in my gut, mixing up with the excitement to
make me sort of dizzy. But Avi is completely unaffected by it, as usual. He’s
just playing around on his phone, modifying the picture to blur parts of my
face.
Squirming, I manage to conjure up some words as a distraction. “Why
don’t you blur your face?”
He glances at me, features going serious. “I’m not really sure…”
“If you had to guess…” I push on.
He purses his lips, thinking for a moment before he shrugs. “I guess I…
like the attention. I like them fawning over me, as a person. And I mean, no
one knows who I actually am. I don’t use my real name or anything.”
“But if someone who knows you sees it, then they could tell people,” I
rumble, spinning through sudden dreadful thoughts. “They could figure out
that I’m in the videos with you…”
“I promise you, that won’t happen,” he says confidently.
“How do you know that?” I scoff.
“Just trust me, okay?” He reaches over, sliding his fingers through mine.
“Avi…” My voice creeps from within my throat. “Why are you holding
my hand?”
His lips curl into one of those damn cocky smirks. “What’s wrong…? Is it
making you uncomfortable?” I scowl and try to rip my hand away from his,
but he holds on tighter. Leaning over my face, he whispers, “So, I can slide
my cock in and out of your ass, but hand-holding is too intimate for you,
Kyran?”
Burning flames of humility rush up my neck from his words, a hard throb
happening between my legs. And he’s just chuckling at my clear discomfort,
whipping up fury in my muscles.
“Stop fucking with me,” I hiss through clenched teeth, hating how he
always does this.
Pisses me off and turns me on at the same time. It’s fucking bullshit.
There’s the annoyance. And here I thought it might have gone...
“But I don’t wanna stop fucking with you.” He breathes more rumbly
chuckles over my mouth, hovering until I’m wriggling to get away from him.
He finally releases my hand, but instead, slides his over my crotch, where my
erection is stiffening up quick. “It’s so much fun.”
“Get off me, Avi…” I shiver at the sensation, wanting to fight against
him, for my pride, but also desperately chasing the aching lust I can’t seem to
overcome. It’s ridiculous. “I’m not your baby, and I didn’t come here to
record content…”
Lies.
“Well, that’s just not true.” He grins on my ear, flicking it with his tongue
until I shudder.
But then he quickly backs up, pulling himself off of me, and leaving me
lying back on the couch with my pulse pounding between my legs.
Fuck him.
I sit up slowly, head twirling while he grabs his laptop. “I can give you
the password to the OF if you want…”
“Not necessary,” I grumble, and he shrugs.
“Fine. But you need to put effort into this too.”
“I am. I made the damn Twitter and retweeted some of your posts. What
more do you want from me?”
He gives me the side-eye. “You have to stay on top of it. Respond to
people’s comments. Engage. It’s the best way for us to gain new
subscribers.”
“Fine.” I roll my eyes stubbornly.
Leaning into his side, I scroll through the comments on our sex video clip
he shared. I get the feeling he’s staring at me, but when I peek at him, his
eyes are on the screen.
 “Oh my God,” I grunt, stopping on one comment from a person with the
handle Fister_Jones1002. “Did you see this??”
Avi laughs while I gawk, mortified at the comment, which reads:
Fister_Jones1002: Bottom is stunning. I would wreck that ass. *heart eye emoji*
Scrolling down, I gasp at another extremely perverse one, from
DaddyDom6969.
DaddyDom6969: Can I meet you? Spitroast the blonde in half. *winky face*
“Jesus Christ…” I mutter. “Look at this shit.”
Peteypie7421: I wanna give you both a golden *shower emoji*
“What the hell is wrong with this person??” I shake my head, baffled by
what I’m reading. There are hundreds of them, and they seem to get crazier
the farther down you scroll.
“That’s people on the internet for you.” Avi chuckles.
“It’s fucked. Who just writes stuff like that to strangers??”
He shrugs. “Why are you surprised? It’s how creeps are online. This isn’t
news.”
“Yea, well, I guess that’s why I don’t participate,” I huff, to which Avi
scoffs and I glare at him.
“Yea right!” He cackles. “You practically live on Instagram. Always
posting your little motivational quotes. Hashtag blessed,” he says mockingly,
then rolls his eyes. “Please.”
I can’t help how my lips curve into a cunning smirk. “I didn’t know you
followed me…”
He frowns. “I don’t. The dumb thing just won’t stop showing me your
shit, even though I don’t care.”
“Right.” My grin widens. “Whatever you say, Insta-stalker.”
“Shut up,” he growls.
But now that I know how much this is getting to him, there’s no possible
way I could stop.
Turning to face him, I murmur, “Do you even post anything on your
account? Or did you make it for the sole purpose of secretly watching
everything I do?”
“Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not that interesting…” he mumbles,
visibly biting the inside of his cheek while he focuses on the laptop screen.
This is immensely satisfying.
“Oh, look,” he changes the subject. “Here’s a Jesus-freak telling us we’re
going to burn in Hell for all eternity.” He points at the screen while laughing.
The amusement falls from my face in an instant, and my mouth goes dry.
I’m finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden, but I need to fight it. I can’t
let Avi know I’m suffocating inside my skin.
“W-what… would you do about that?” I ask, struggling to sound normal,
while I open my shaky hand and stare down at my palm.
Everything’s fine.
You’re here, and you’re okay.
Just focus on Avi’s voice.
It’s echoing a bit as he rambles about blocking the guy. But I latch onto it
and pull myself out of the hole I’m falling into. I grab on tight and claw my
way back up to the surface.
There’s Highland Ave, I think to myself, following the lines on my palm.
I used to ride my bike up and down here with my friends. And, look, it’s that
place with the really great Thai food.
Slowly, my heart rate evens out, and my breathing regulates. I peer at
Avi, who’s still just laughing about how stupid people on the internet are,
with no idea of the mini panic attack I just fought off.
I wonder what he would say if he knew… The truth.
When he notices I’m not laughing with him, his head whips in my
direction, irises like deep fog shining at me. “Ky… are you okay?”
“I… I’m fine,” I mumble, urging myself to sound confident.
You sound like an idiot. He’s totally going to know something’s up.
Quick. Change the subject.
“We should really get going.” Standing up fast, I wander away, going for
my phone in my bag, in an attempt to distract him from how cagey I’m being
out of nowhere.
I’m sure he’s staring at me. I can feel it. But he doesn’t say anything.
He simply closes his laptop and stands up, tugging on a shirt as he chirps,
“Okay.”
Ten minutes later, we’re outside, walking up to the main road to meet our
Uber driver. I can’t help but peek at Avi while we trudge along, bag slung
over his shoulder, wearing his standard ripped black jeans and black boots.
His top half is covered by a black puffy coat, with a hot pink beanie resting
atop his main of shaggy hair.
We seriously couldn’t look more different… Me in my Burberry peacoat
my dad got me for Christmas last year, Tom Ford boots, and my jeans fully
intact. Light hair and pale skin to his olive complexion and messy dark
strands in his eyes. He even has on fingerless gloves, displaying his
perpetually chipped black nail polish.
But for some reason, our differences aren’t irritating me like they
normally do. Right now, I’m just walking beside him, wondering how it’s
possible that after all we’ve done together, and how many years he’s been in
my life, I still don’t feel like I really know him.
Sure, I know the basic stuff. The things I’ve learned over the years of him
being a reluctant member of the family. But Avi Vega himself… His history,
the things he cares for and dreams about, the real stuff, beneath the surface…
It’s all a mystery to me.
“They said it’s supposed to start snowing later…” he says, his breath
visible in the cold air as he gazes up at the sky.
I just nod at the small talk, my head still cluttered with all these thoughts.
We’re both silent for a few steps, nothing but the sounds of our boots on the
pavement clomping in my ears.
“So… how do you feel about the game?” He speaks again, and my eyes
slink right.
“We could’ve played better.” I shrug. “Their defense was no joke.”
He nods. “But still… three touchdowns.” He pauses while I squint at him.
“You played really well, Ky. You should be less hard on yourself.”
My lips twitch. “So you’re actively watching all the games now? Paying
attention to my performance…”
He rolls his eyes, and I chuckle. “I just want to make sure you’re doing
alright without me.”
Scowling, I give him an unamused look. “Oh, you mean your
performance?”
He laughs, and I smother the grin that wants to slip through. “Just admit
it… You love having Baldwin there to pump you up.”
I scoff, shaking my head. “Dude, I wasn’t lying when I said you’re a
distraction.”
“Mhm… I think I know how distracting I can be.” He purses his lips over
a smirk. And then his fingers brush mine.
I come to a fast stop, my pulse suddenly pinging inside me. Avi stares at
me while my eyes fling left and right, making sure no one saw that.
There isn’t anyone around to see it, and I’m obviously freaking out over
nothing, but I can’t help it. My skin is growing hot and itchy beneath my
clothes.
“Sorry…” Avi whispers. “It was an accident.”
I clear my throat. “It’s fine… whatever.” Distracting myself from the way
I can still feel his fingers on mine, I pull out my phone to check the app.
“Says he’ll be here in two minutes.”
“Okay…”
I can feel him staring at me, but I’m too jittery to look up, so I busy
myself with bullshit on my phone until the car pulls up along the road.
We both get into the backseat, our bags resting at our feet as the driver
pulls away, taking us home. The radio is on, playing some Rihanna song at
low volume while we cruise up 93. Looking out the window, I watch the
buildings pass, listening to the grungy voice croon about love on the brain.
My chin slants left, slowly inching my face in Avi’s direction, where he’s
gazing out the window himself. Then he peeks at me, and I quickly look
away.
Weirdo. You’re being a total weirdo.
My mind is moving as fast as the car through the rest of the drive. And
when we pull into the driveway of my home, the nerves are really churning
my stomach something fierce.
The holidays have been terrible for as long as I can remember. When
Hannah and Avi showed up, they actually became slightly more tolerable,
pulling some of the focus from how little my father cared to celebrate with
me. If I don’t make a point to stop by my mother’s house, we don’t see each
other. And I haven’t seen my sister in years at this point. She opts not to
come home, for obvious reasons… But I expect a phone call from her
tomorrow. And despite everything, I’m looking forward to it.
I can’t help resenting Bridget a little for leaving me alone with Dad. She
disappeared when I needed her, and it’s hard not to feel hurt and abandoned
over it.
Of course, I understand why she left… I just wish she hadn’t.
The house is quiet, but there’s music coming from the den, so Avi and I
walk that way, following the sounds of a crackling fire and hushed voices.
“My boys!” Hannah cheers the second we set foot into the room, jumping
up to greet us both. She clings to Avi for way too long, kissing his face all
over while whining, “Oh, I missed you so, so much, my precious tatala.”
“Mom…” he grumbles, scrunching his face as he tries to pull away from
her affections.
 It has me chuckling, because honestly, it’s really sweet, and embarrassing
for him, which is fun.
“Kyran, I’m so happy to see you.” Hannah hugs me tight.
I’m still always surprised by the affection, so it takes me a moment to
return it. But I do, because it’s nice. It feels good to be welcomed by family. I
really wouldn’t know what that’s like…
When I pull back from Hannah’s warm embrace, my eyes flit to my
father, who’s standing there, a perfectly indifferent smile on his lips as he
steps over to us.
“Good to see you, son,” he says firmly—as usual—giving me a two-
second hug with a stern pat on the back. “Great game the other day.” Then he
turns and mumbles, “Avi.”
He goes to squeeze Avi’s shoulder, which is the most sentiment he can
expect from my father. But Avi lunges at him, hugging onto him hard enough
that my father is almost knocked backwards. I’m pretty sure Avi’s doing it on
purpose, to mess with him, which has me stifling a laugh.
“Boys, I’m making a roast for dinner tomorrow,” Hannah says as she
curls up on the couch. My father takes a seat at the other end. “So we figured
we’d just order takeout tonight.”
“Chinese??” Avi gasps excitedly, to which Hannah grins and nods.
“Sweet.” My brows furrow at him, and he explains, “It’s our Chrismakkah
tradition.”
“Right…” I chuckle. “I forgot about Chrismakkah.”
I learned about that during the first Christmas Avi and Hannah spent with
Dad and me. It’s a Vega family tradition to celebrate both Christmas and
Hanukkah, since Avi is half-Jewish.
“How could you ever forget about Chrismakkah??” He feigns outrage.
“It’s the epic battle between Jesus and Moses!” He cackles at the look of
horror on my father’s face. “Just kidding. It’s not a battle. It’s just seven fun
days, leading up to the eighth super fun day. Which this year, just so happens
to also fall on Christmas Day.”
“Convenient,” Hannah teases with a smirk.
“Alright, well… I’m gonna bring my stuff upstairs,” I mutter.
“Oh, yea. Good idea,” Avi says, following me to the stairs.
“We’ll eat in about an hour!” Hannah calls after us.
Stomping into my old bedroom, I exhale slowly, looking around. It’s
exactly the same as I left it, but for some reason, it feels different. I don’t
know if it’s because I’ve changed… or because I never really felt like myself
living in this room.
It won’t be like it was…
I drop my bag on the floor, taking off my coat and boots, trying to make
myself comfortable, when really, I’m just anxious. Being around my father is
always tense, but during the holidays, it really ramps up the pressure… For
me to feel like a better son than I am. Constantly chasing his approval, and
knowing I’ll never get it.
Taking a seat on my bed, I flop onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. I
still vaguely remember what holidays were like before our family was torn
apart…
It wasn’t perfect… Not even close. But still, it was better than this.
Christmas movies, decorating the tree, and sipping eggnog by the fire.
Bridget and I would rush downstairs at the crack of dawn and squeal over all
the presents everywhere, and the plate of cookies with a bite taken out from
Santa. There was honest to God merriment.
And then that all changed.
A few words shivered from terrified lips took down the whole Harbor
family.
A knock at my door brings me out of my anguished nostalgia.
“Hey…”
Lifting my head, I find Avi wandering into the room, hands stuffed into
his pockets. He trots over and plops down on my bed right next to me, and
for the first time ever, I don’t actively try to scoot away from him.
Maybe I’m just too tired… Emotionally drained from the sheer act of
being here, and all the bullshit memories that always seem to attach
themselves to this stupid holiday. But right now, I almost feel myself leaning
in closer to him. Hanging on his proximity, as the only thing in my life that
fully distracts me from chaos my mind can’t control.
Avi lies down on his back beside me. And we both just stare up at the
ceiling, side-by-side, breathing quiet breaths that feel much calmer than they
were a moment ago. The feel of his fingers moving alerts me to how close
they are to my own. And then mine move, twitching subtly until they brush
his.
I hear him release an exhale, and the next thing I know, his fingers are
tracing mine, gradually grazing them up and down.
The sensation thumps my chest and tickles my stomach, but I don’t… I
don’t hate it.
Latching onto that, and this feeling I don’t want to lose no matter how
confusing it is, I thread mine through his, taking his right hand in my left.
We’re holding hands, and it feels good. His hand is warm and big; the same
size as mine. I like it…
I like his hands.
Avi’s face turns, and as nervous as I am for him to see the obvious blush
in my cheeks, I shift mine in his direction. Our eyes meet, two vastly
different places on the color spectrum, cradling each other, almost intimately.
“I wanna show you something,” he whispers, lips quirking subtly.
Brows raised, I blink at him as he reaches his left hand into his pocket,
pulling out some sort of rubber ring. He flicks it at me, and it lands on my
stomach. Picking it up with my free hand, I examine it closely.
“What the hell is this?” I grunt, and he chuckles.
“It’s a cock ring.” I shoot him a scandalized look, and he laughs harder.
“A gift from one of our fans.”
I observe the ring for a moment, so many varying things bouncing around
inside my skull. But the first question that exits my mouth is, “You gave a
stranger on the internet your address??”
Avi snorts, his chest rumbling through his chuckles. “I gave them
Frankie’s address.”
“That doesn’t exactly make it better,” I gasp. “What if this person shows
up at her house?”
“I didn’t give out her apartment number or anything,” he sighs. “Plus, her
building is very secure. She said it was okay.”
The only other word I can think to utter is, “Why…?”
He grins, shrugging. “He wanted to send us something for Christmas. I
thought it was sweet.”
“Sweet… or creepy?” I mutter, squeezing the rubber between my fingers.
He rolls so that his whole body is facing me. “You’ve seen the DMs from
these people, Ky. They’re smitten with us.” I blink at him. “And by the way,
it’s not the only gift we received. It’s just the only one I could… bring with
me.”
My chin can’t seem to stop swiveling, flabbergasted by what he’s telling
me, while he just continues to laugh softly.
“I guess we’ve really made it, huh?” I mutter sarcastically, though I can’t
help feeling flattered by it…
 People sending us gifts because they like what we do so much, they want
to feel like they’re a part of it. Sure, it’s primarily sexual, but still. If I’ve
learned anything in the last couple of months, it’s that whether you want to
admit it or not, sex is a huge part of human life. It’s connection in a lot of
ways.
Even… uninhibited chemistry that pops up when you least expect it.
The periwinkle of Avi’s eyes falls to my lips, and I’m suddenly so much
warmer.
“I want to kiss you, Kyran,” he says quietly, his fingers squeezing mine.
Instinctively, my eyes fling to my bedroom door, which is open. “You
shouldn’t…”
“I really want to…” he murmurs.
“But it’s not…” My voice gets lodged in my throat, and I clear it,
lowering to a whisper. “It’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?” He inches closer to me.
“Because…”
I can’t even think. My mind has gone completely blank and all I can feel
is warm, thrumming need, seeping from my pores like a pheromone.
Avi touches my chest, dragging his fingers dangerously close to where
my heart is flying like crazy. “Why this time, Ky? Give me a good reason,
not one of your bullshit excuses.”
Gulping down the saliva filling my mouth, my eyes leave his for one
more second to peek at the door. “Because our parents are right downstairs.”
He hums a deep, rumbly sound, and now it’s all I can hear as his hand
reaches up to my jaw. “Then I guess we’ll just have to be really quiet.”
He tugs me to his mouth, and to my own surprise, I give right in, curving
my body to his while his lips seal over mine. It’s hypnotic, the way he kisses
me; dizzying, like I’m standing at the very edge of somewhere high off the
ground.
His kiss is altitude, lifting me up past my normal center of gravity.
Our shared breaths are the wind, rushing in pants and whimpers… And
his hands clutching and hauling me closer are what keep me from floating
away.
He’s kissing me, and I’m flying.
But I’m so afraid of falling, I can’t stop the trembles.
“Avi…” I mumble in between the fevered sucks and licks and bites, my
hands on his chest while he eases himself on top of me.
 “Mmm…” He grinds his hips into mine, my legs spreading for him like a
reflex.
“We should… close the… door.” My words leave broken and hoarse
from the arousal he’s dragging out of me; the overwhelming, but surprisingly
erotic dominance in his lips, his teeth, his tongue, his hands… all working
together to mollify me, and turn me into a subdued little kitten.
“Don’t make me stop,” he growls with my jaw in one hand while the
other slides up inside my shirt. “I don’t want to leave your perfect lips for one
second…”
“I know,” I whisper into his mouth, humming when his fingers tease my
nipple. “But please… Just close it. For me?”
Avi pries his lips from mine, breathing heavily like he’s trying to find his
way back to earth as he nods. Rolling off me, and off the bed, he stumbles
over to close the door gently, locking it with a click. He spins to face me,
biting his lip, pinning me with a look that throbs my balls and rushes blood to
my dick so fast, I feel woozy.
Sauntering over, he lifts his shirt over his head, tossing it as he drops onto
the bed on his knees, crawling back over me like it’s where he’s meant to be.
It feels like we’re magnetized to one another and I’m as nervous as I am
turned on by it.
Why does this feel so good…? And why does it happen as easily as
breathing?
He presses a few more slow kisses on my mouth, grasping the hem of my
shirt and dragging it up slowly to reveal my torso. “Arms up,” he commands
softly, and I obey, raising my arms over my head so he can remove my shirt.
“Do you think they’ll notice…?” I murmur while he kisses down my
throat, trailing his lips along my chest. “That we both disappeared up here
together instead of spending time with them?”
“I don’t think either of them expect you to want to socialize.” He kisses
one of the purple marks he left on me the other night.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I peer down at him, narrowing my
hooded gaze. “And thanks again for those. I had to lie and say they were from
Lexi.” Avi chuckles, sucking and biting me some more until I grab him by
the hair. “No more hickeys…”
“Mmm… but you wear them so well.” He flutters his tongue over my
nipple while working on undoing my pants.
It feels amazing. Honestly, I can’t even force myself to act upset about
the awkwardness of being draped in mouth bruises in front of all my
teammates while he’s sucking on me like that.
“And little do they know, these sexy little marks are from your
stepbrother…” He breathes warm, illustrious words on my skin, making me
shiver. “What would our parents say… if they found us like this?”
He shoves my pants and underwear down, enough that half my dick is
exposed. And I’m breathing heavily, burning from the rush of his words.
Because he’s right… It’s forbidden, what we’re doing. Letting him toy with
me, with our parents right downstairs. I can’t even help how badly it makes
my cock weep.
Avi opens his own pants, pulling his dick out and giving it a few tugs
while lowers mine even more, bringing them down my legs until I’m naked.
He removes his phone from his pocket, turning on the camera and handing it
to me.
“Capture this moment, gorgeous,” he rasps, nuzzling my balls with his
lips, kissing them before swiping his tongue up the length of my cock.
“Ohh… fuck yes…” My head drops back, hips lifting to his hungry
mouth while he sucks me in, doing that thing I love where he teases the skin
around my head with his tongue.
But then I remember the phone in my hand, and peek at the screen,
aiming it to get the perfect angle of his dark hair, bobbing up and down on
me. I brush my fingers through the strands, tugging gently in my fist while I
record him sucking my cock, slow and deep, his luscious pink lips stretched
around my girth, sliding up and down.
“You suck me better than anyone…” I whisper, and he groans, vibrations
rumbling my shaft inside his wet mouth. “We’re not supposed to be doing
this… are we?”
He shakes his head, spit running down the sides of my dick as he glides
up, releasing me with a pop. “If they only knew what I was doing to you up
here…”
“Fuck…” My head tips back again while he kisses down my pelvis,
sucking roughly on my nuts, then moving on to bite my inner thighs.
“You love it, don’t you?” His voice is deep and throaty, swimming in my
ears as he grabs my thighs in his hands, shoving my legs apart forcefully and
wedging his face in between. “Keeping this dirty little secret… Letting your
stepbrother defile you with our parents right downstairs…”
My head moves on its own in a nod, because yes. Yes, I certainly do love
it, despite what that means about me. I can’t find it in myself to war against
something that feels this good; swapping my infinite angst with intoxicating
pleasure.
His tongue slides along the space between my balls and my ass,
tauntingly poking between my cheeks while I shudder.
But he pauses, and my eyes creep open to find him squinting up at me.
“Did you groom yourself?”
Heat rushes to my face as I bite my lip and nod.
Avi’s dark lashes flutter for a moment, and he groans, “That is so fucking
hot, baby… Were you thinking about how much you want my mouth down
here…?”
I nod faster, gulping on the word, “Yes.”
He sits up with a growl, snatching the phone away from me. “Bend over
the edge of the bed.”
“W-what?” I gasp, blinking at him, dazed.
“I wanna eat you until you come,” he breathes, sliding off the bed onto
his knees. “Like this.”
“Can you… really do that?” My heart leaps wildly in my chest as I turn
away from him, dropping my feet onto the floor and draping my top half over
the bed.
“I’ve never tried…” He runs his hands up the backs of my thighs, cupping
my ass hard while I whimper. “Do you wanna come with my tongue in your
ass, Kyran?”
My dick leaks a heavy pulse of precum onto the bed as I breathe, “Yea…
that sounds… fun.”
He chuckles seductively, spreading me open while I purr at the sensation
of being on display and at his filthy mercy. “I’d grab that pillow.” His warm
breath tickles my eager flesh. “You might need something to scream into…”
It’s baffling how much I fucking want this right now. I never thought I
could be this turned on, bent over a bed with Avi staring at my asshole, but I
can’t even pretend I’m not falling apart in anticipation.
His lips dance up the backs of my thighs as he presses soft kisses all over
my cheeks, creeping closer and closer to the crack of my ass. Teasing,
building the arousal, so that when he finally sinks his mouth in between, I’m
already whining out jagged groans.
“Shh… Quiet, baby,” he whispers with a flutter of his tongue over my
hole.
 God, it feels insane. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on something
this dirty and delicious. If I’d known how good it feels, I would have been
letting everyone eat my ass.
But then I’m glad Avi’s the one doing it… Because he’s very good. He
says he’s never done it before, but he must really like it, the way he’s using
his entire tongue to lick me like an ice cream cone. I feel his grunts and
growls vibrating into me as he sucks my rim, kissing it over and over while I
smash my face into the bed.
“Goddamn, that’s so good…” I mumble into the comforter, writhing my
hips back against his face. “Fffuck yea… Stuff it inside.”
“Like this?” He spears his tongue into my hole, forcing it as deep as he
can.
“Ohh… oh yea. Just like… that,” I gasp, unable to control my volume
when something so slippery is pushing inside me, swirling around while his
soft lips graze my sensitive, puckering flesh.
“Kyran… You have to be quiet.” He grips my ass in his hands. “Our
parents are going to hear you.”
“Fuuck,” I whimper, my dick throbbing at the truth in his words.
It’s wrong… So mischievous sinful dirty naughty fucking hot.
Grabbing the pillow, I stuff my face into it to muffle my cries.
“You want them to come up and find us…?” he croons, attacking my ass
with strong licks, slipping his tongue inside, then tugging it out. “You want
them to hear how much you love your stepbrother eating your hot, tight little
hole…”
“Avi… fuck yes. Eat me the fuck out…” I whine, biting down on the
pillow while he uses his entire mouth to make out with my asshole the way
he does to my face.
It’s sloppy wet. I can feel saliva running down my balls, and my dick is
so hard it’s jamming aggressively into the bed while I rock my hips back and
forth, riding his mouth, begging for more like a fiend.
“You’re so sweet, baby,” he breathes, unleashed in his devouring. He’s
starved for it, viciously fucking his tongue into me. “Warm and wet and
delicious for me…”
Fuck… fuck fuck fuck, holy fuck… I think I’m really gonna come…
Grinding my cock into the bed as hard as I can, I’m chasing the sweet
friction, humping back against his face. I feel Avi jerking off, his arm tapping
against my leg as he beats himself roughly, lashing me and sucking me until
I’m going cross-eyed.
“That’s it, baby…” he groans. “Ride my tongue. Show me how badly you
want it…”
“I want it…” I sob gruffly into the pillow, biting it to keep from
screaming. My fingers are digging into the mattress as I bounce my ass on his
tongue, my cock aching and ready to erupt. “I wanna come, Avi… God,
make me come…”
“I’m gonna make you come so hard, you sexy little slut,” he growls.
“Come for me, Kyran. Come on my mouth…”
My body is wound up like a rubber band curled way too many times
around my fist. I’m about to snap, driving my ass down on his mouth until
the world goes dark, and I tremor…
“I’m c-coming… Ffffuck yes!”
Shuddering down to my core, I crumble into a soul-shattering orgasm,
tears seeping from my eyes as my dick shoots off, spraying cum all over the
bed.
“Shhh… That’s so good, baby…” he purrs. “Come so sweet for me…”
I ride it out, milking the cum from my cock with my hips mashing against
the comforter, crying unintelligible nonsense into the pillow.
“Avi… Avi Avi Avi… I’m… your… I’m yours.”
Thankfully, I don’t think he can understand what I’m saying, because it’s
pretty crazy. But I can’t seem to stop it. Everything around me is toppling,
and it’s just too intense…
“I love how you make me come… b—” I chomp down onto the pillow
fast to shut myself up.
Avi’s rampant licking and kissing slows, and he pulls his face out of my
ass, shoving me up onto the bed. I nestle up, buzzing while he crawls over
me, straddling my waist. He’s still wearing his pants, but they’re down
around his thighs, dick curled in his fist as he strokes it fast, pumping up and
down, holding up the camera to record.
“I’m gonna come all the fuck over you, gorgeous.” His eyes are hooded,
bottom lip between his teeth as he jerks harder and harder.
“Come on me…” I plead on a whisper, tipping my head back, awaiting
his hot load.
“You want it?”
“I want it…” My chest quavers. I’m all sensation right now, my sticky
skin flushed, nipples peaked and aching with the desire to be soaked in his
orgasm. “Cover me in cum, baby…”
My eyes snap open. Fuck, what did I just say??
Avi’s eyes widen. His lips part and a desperate whimpering gasp leaves
them before his head drops back, and he groans, “Fuuck… fuck me, Kyran,
Jesus…”
I have no time to be horrified by what I just called him, because I’m being
sprayed down by warm, slick pulses, hitting my chest and my neck, my chin.
Avi’s hand slows, and he milks out every last drop, chewing on his lip to
keep himself quiet. At this point, I have no idea how loud we’re being. We
could be screaming for all I know… My blood is rushing too loudly in my
ears for me to tell.
Swallowing, I glance down at the silky wet splatters all over me, licking
my lip and tasting some of him there, too. Our eyes meet, and Avi shifts
himself up higher to stuff his dick into my mouth. I take it with a grunt,
sucking him greedily, pulling out salty flavor into my mouth and gulping it
back.
His fingers sift into my hair, petting me, holding my head while I lose
myself in sucking him, bobbing on his cock until it begins to soften on my
tongue.
He tugs it out slowly with a shivering breath, dragging the swollen head
over my lips and down my chin. Then he collapses on me, tossing the phone
away while he kisses my mouth. Sucking at my lips, he teases my tongue
with his, tasting himself.
My brain is a scrambled mass of static, the sexual haze we’re wading in
filling the room as my fingers tangle in his hair and I hold his lips on mine.
Keeping us lost for as long as I can until this wears off.
Avi peels his mouth away, but only to kiss down my chest and suck his
cum off of my nipples. The feeling jerks my cock awake, but I’m
momentarily paralyzed.
Each time we’re together, it gets deeper. More intense, more staggering,
more… beautiful.
More terrifying.
“You called me baby…” he whispers, and I groan, covering my face with
my hands to hide from the endless shit he’s about to give me over that slip.
He chuckles, wrapping his arms around my waist, dropping kisses on that
sensitive spot by my ear. “And you said you’re mine.”
“Avi… Please shut up,” I whine. “It was an accident. I was caught up in
the moment.”
“Okay, sure…” There’s an elated grin in his voice, and I refuse to admit
that it does things to my stomach… Fluttery things. “Whatever you say,
grump. But I’ll have you know that I’m not some girl,” he teases, and I can’t
stop the chuckle that rumbles out of me. “I’m a man. And men don’t let other
men call them baby.”
“You’re so annoying,” I grunt while he sits up, swooping his messy hair
over to one side.
“I can’t help but notice you don’t freak out when your friend Guty calls
you baby, or sexy.” He narrows his gaze at me, and I mirror the look.
“That’s because he’s not doing it in a romantic, pet-name kinda way,” I
huff. “It’s just how he is. He calls everyone stuff like that.”
He purses his lips. “Are you sure…?”
My head tilts, and I notice something in his features that isn’t quite
kidding around. He seems a little serious… maybe even… jealous.
Is he jealous of Guty?? Why would he be? I’ve never hooked up with
Guty. He’s just my friend, and he’s straight.
My stomach flops while I swallow. And so am I…
I inch closer to Avi. “You know I’ve never… hooked up with any other
guys… Right?”
He gnaws on his lip for a second. “I do now.”
“Have you?” My gut bunches like it’s preparing for a hard blow.
But he shakes his head, and whispers, “No.”
Letting out a secret exhale, I nod. And we both just stare at each other for
a few heavy breaths of tense silence.
“Does that make you happy?” he asks quietly.
Yes. “No. I mean, I don’t care…” I grumble. “I’m not going to hook up
with other guys… Because this is just about… the money.” I gulp out the
words. His eyes are wide as I mumble, “Right?”
Avi is quiet for another few deafening seconds, during which I can feel
the air in the room, like a shower of pelting rain coming down on us. I don’t
know what any of this means. All I know is that it doesn’t feel like a business
discussion anymore…
Is it even for the fans??
He shakes himself out of something, finally muttering, “Yea. Of course.”
My lips part, but he jumps off the bed before I can say anything, rushing
toward the bathroom and calling out, “I’m just gonna clean up real quick,
then you can take a shower. Or whatever you wanna do…”
“Okay…” I mutter.
And as soon as the bathroom door closes, I flop onto my back, staring up
at the ceiling once more.
This room is exactly the same…
But I’m not. Not even close.
 SensitiveSwitch: Better to be an open sinner than a false saint.
Top_ofthe_mornin_toya: Not_Your_Baby if you ever need a new door mat, @ me. I swear I
am very comfortable to step on
Twinkerbell: If anyone ever asks why I’m queer I’m sending them this video

After I’m done showering—without wetting my hair, because I don’t want it

to appear that I’ve showered, in order to spare myself from having to
potentially answer questions about why I showered—Avi is nowhere to be
found.
I assume he’s hanging out with his mom, and when I slowly march back
downstairs, stowing the awkwardness as best I can, I find that I’m right.
Hannah and Avi are in the kitchen, sorting through Chinese takeout
containers, grabbing plates and silverware. I’m not sure where my father is,
but it’s probably safe to assume he’s off somewhere sipping whiskey and
trying his best not to completely embody Ebenezer Scrooge.
Puttering around the corner into the kitchen, I linger by the doorway until
Hannah peeks up at me and smiles. My eyes shift to Avi for just a moment,
and he glances up at me, his lips curving into a soft grin before he purses it
away, busying himself with setting up the food.
“Can I just say how happy I am to see you two getting along?” Hannah’s
voice chimes, tearing me out of my self-loathing long enough to focus on
what she’s saying. “I always hoped you boys would finally start acting like
brothers at some point.”
Avi drops a fork, making a loud clank on the floor. “Sorry…” he mutters
in a jittery tone that Hannah doesn’t seem to notice.
 I rush over and bend to pick up the fork, but he’s already down there
grabbing it. Our eyes lock, and I notice even more uncertainty shining in the
grayish blue, concerning me just a tad.
I’m usually the bumbling moron when it comes to our secret fling, not
him.
“Be cool, bro…” I whisper to him before we both stand up, and he nods
fast.
“Yea,” I mumble, responding to Hannah in an attempt to normalize this
unnerving situation. “Having Avi on the team has been fun.”
He cocks a dark eyebrow at me, and my shoulder jerks in a subtle shrug.
“I’m so proud of you for working so hard at that job, Aviel.” Hannah rubs
his back. Then she looks to me. “How have you been managing financially,
Ky? Is everything alright? Because I’ve been working a lot more lately, so if
you need some cash—”
“Not necessary at all.” I shake my head, extending her an appreciative
grin for even offering to share what little she has with me. “I’m fine. But
thank you.”
She smiles. “I can’t believe you’ve found a way to balance work with
school and your games. You’re like Superman!” She chuckles, and I grin
awkwardly, pinching the back of my neck.
Please don’t ask how I’ve been making money… I literally can’t think of
any fake job that would make sense right now.
“He’s not Superman, he’s Mr. Freeze.” Avi smirks, and I squint at him.
“Yea, well… as it turns out, Coach was able to help me get my grants to
cover everything,” I lie, fiddling with things on the counter. “So I only really
need money for, like, food and stuff.”
Hannah nods. “And you’ve been okay… with all of that?”
My mind is blank. I have no idea what to say, sifting through anywhere at
all I could say that I got the money.
But then Avi cuts in, “Actually, I helped Kyran sell some collectibles
online.” I gawk at him, and he gives me a look I can hear, telling me to just
go with it. “He had a bunch of old sports memorabilia that was worth a lot.”
“Oh…” Hannah hums, showing me a sad smile. “Well, I’m sorry you had
to do that…”
I wave her off. “It’s fine. I… didn’t need it.”
This is so awkward. Can we change the subject, please??
“Alright, well, I’m starving!” Avi claps his hands together. “Let’s stop
talking about money and eat already.”
“Good idea, sweetie.” Hannah rubs his arm.
He picks up the plates, eyes flinging to mine for just a second before he
carries everything into the dining room. I step aside as he passes, like I’m
afraid that if he gets too close, it’ll somehow become obvious that we’ve
been humping. Hannah glances at me, tilting her head.
Forcing a smile, I grumble, “I’ll grab the rest of the food…” rushing over
to pick up containers.
We’re setting everything on the table as Hannah calls out, “Tom!
Dinner!”
Taking my usual seat, I’m really dreading this. I loathe forced dinners
with my father as it is, but add the tension between me and Avi, and the
whole thing is like a detonated bomb just waiting to go kaboom.
My dad stalks into the room, glass in hand—called it—and I distract
myself by scooping orange chicken onto my plate. When I look up, Avi is
staring at me. I tilt my head, and he tugs at the collar of his shirt, eyes
dropping to my neck.
Peering down at my collar, I see that the V-neck of my sweater is
revealing the very beginning of a purple bruise on my sternum. Otherwise
known as one of the many hickeys he planted on me.
I quickly adjust my collar to cover it up, jaw ticking as I glare at him
across the table. He bites his lip to subdue a tiny grin, eyes stuck on his plate
as if he’s remembering something, and I really wish I could hear what’s
happening in his thoughts.
Once my father has his food, we all dig in, the conversation remaining
casual, which is a relief. Avi asks Hannah how things are going at work, and
she tells us about that for a while, after which we talk football. Unlike
Hannah, my father doesn’t seem too concerned with how Avi and I have been
dealing with the lack of money. The only thing he wants to discuss are my
stats and how I’m feeling about our next game against Ohio State.
But it’s fine. I’m used to talking football with him. In fact, I’m used to it
being the only topic of conversation between us that doesn’t make me want to
chew broken glass, so I’m good with recapping every second of this season if
it means not having to branch out into anything less superficial.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t last for long. Because by the time dinner is
winding down, he rumbles, “Are you planning to visit your mother
tomorrow?”
 My muscles stiffen, instant irritation brewing up inside me at the thought.
“Well, considering that she hasn’t even called me in, like, a year, I was
thinking no.”
“She’s your mother, Kyran,” he states firmly, as if I didn’t know that fact.
“You should at least stop by.”
“It’s not like she’s made me a priority in the last however many years…”
I push noodles around on my plate. “She has a new family to worry about…
A new kid to replace the one she wants to forget.”
“Kyran,” my father barks. “Enough. You know that isn’t true. You’re just
being dramatic.”
Dramatic??
A memory tries to weasel its way up, but I blink hard to force it away.
“Why do you care, anyway?” I huff at him. “She left you, too.”
He pins me with a stern look, one that used to have me straightening in
my seat, desperate to show him the Kyran he wants to see. But for the first
time ever, it seems like I may have stopped caring about what he thinks of
me.
“That’s neither here nor there,” my father mutters. “She’s family, and the
holidays are a time for being with family.”
“Oh, really?” I turn in my chair to face him. “So did you invite Bridget
home for the holidays, then? Since being with family is so important…”
“What has gotten into you?” he hisses, glaring at me with glassy eyes.
“Answer the question, Dad.” I stand my ground.
My father peeks at Hannah and Avi, who are both just staring nervously
at us. “Your sister wants nothing to do with this family. She made that clear
already.”
“Actually, if I remember correctly, she wants nothing to do with you,” I
seethe through gritted teeth.
He drops his fork aggressively onto his plate. “Kyran, you are being
beyond childish.”
“Whatever…” I roll my eyes.
“I’m going to midnight mass at St. Joseph’s tonight, and I think you
should come with me.”
That gets me.
My fingers twitch as they curl around the edge of the table, my body
stiffening in rage.
“Are you fucking serious??” I shoot fury at him through my eyes.
 “Watch your language at this table,” he snaps. “It would do you some
good… Get back some of the faith you’ve clearly lost.”
I’m teeming in a full-on wrathful episode as I growl, “That’s it.” Shoving
my chair back, I stand up fast. “Fuck you and your faith,” I spit in his
direction, turning away because I need to get the fuck out of this room before
I lunge over the table and choke him to death.
“Kyran, wait,” Hannah pleads, pinning my father with a scathing look.
“Sorry… I’m not feeling very cheery right now.” I stomp away from the
table. “Merry fucking Christmas.”
I rush toward the stairs, but the idea of going up into my room right now
makes it even harder to breathe. I need some fresh air… I need to get out of
this house.
So instead, I go to the front door, whipping it open and diving out into the
cold night air. Stalking down the walkway, I’m fuming so hard I barely even
notice that I’m not wearing a coat until a snowflake lands on me. More begin
to fall, sprinkling the arms of my dark gray Henley.
Great. Snow. Another thing everyone thinks is pretty and special, but
really, it’s just a big fucking mess.
On a mission to clear my head, I walk up the road, my thoughts a
muddled mess of bullshit. Anger clenches my fists at my sides, echoes of
screaming and fighting, people packing and leaving whirring up in my mind
like a blender, creating a thick concoction of stifling hopelessness.
I walk for many minutes, making a giant loop around the neighborhood
until my teeth are chattering and I can’t feel my hands. The devastation of it
all is weighing on my shoulders. I can barely carry it anymore…
This terrible, awful truth I hold is so very exhausting.
Whether I feel different or not, it doesn’t matter. I can run from every
person, every place that reminds me of my past, but it’s still always there.
Distraction, denial, avoidance… they don’t work.
Because I’m still broken inside, and nobody fucking cares.
Sniffling, my clunky steps shuffle to a halt while I gaze up my street. My
hands are shaking as I pull my phone out of my pocket, snapping a picture of
a lone streetlamp, illuminating the falling snow like glitter raining from the
heavens.
My fingers are numb, typing out a post for my Instagram while emotion
crawls up my throat that I have to swallow and swallow and swallow to keep
down…
 Silent night.
Biting my lip to stop its shivering, I’m about to post the picture when I
hear footsteps. Then a deep, familiar voice that has my eyes falling shut… In
relief, maybe.
Sweet, confounding comfort. He’s… here.
“Ky…” Avi stomps over to me, and when my eyes open, I find him
carrying my coat, opening it up to drape it over my shoulders. “Jesus, it’s
fucking freezing out here. How are you walking around with no coat on??”
“I’m… I’m s-sorry,” I croak, stupidly, blinking hard to keep the pressure
intact behind my eyes.
“No… Don’t say that,” he speaks firmly, holding my coat around my
shoulders. His arms and the way his body is pressing into mine warms me,
more than just on the surface. It feels like he’s warming me inside, too.
“Don’t apologize for being out here. I’m just glad I found you…”
Peeking at him, I notice the snowflakes covering his shoulders and his
hat… his eyelashes.
“H-how long have you b-been out here?” My words ride on shivers.
“Pretty much since you left,” he sighs. “I just wanted to make sure you
were okay.” I blink at him, at the pinkness in his cheeks. “Are you? Okay?”
I’d love to lie, but I don’t think I can. All I can do is shake my head. I
can’t speak, because I don’t know what to say… I just don’t understand why
everything feels so much better now that he’s here.
A snowflake lands on his upper lip and he licks it away. For some reason,
it makes me chuckle… Just a tiny, amused noise puffing out into the frigid
air.
Avi smiles, the first real Avi smile I’ve seen since earlier, in my
bedroom, and it’s like a shot of liquor running down into my gut.
“You wanna go back inside?” His fingers run up and down my arms like
he’s trying to warm me still. Doesn’t he know he’s already done it…? “Or we
could keep walking around… if you want.”
His eyes look so much bluer right now than usual, with only the dimmed
streetlight gracing a soft glow to his features.
The fact that he would even offer to walk with me out here, in the
freezing cold on Chrismakkah Eve, gives me enough strength to go back to
the house. As long as he’s with me…
“We should get out of the cold,” I mumble. “You look like you’re
freezing.”
 His mouth twitches. “Me?? Your lips are turning blue.”
I chuckle again, leaning into his side as he walks us up the street toward
the house. And I can’t help myself… I’m breathing deep, bringing cold air
into my lungs with the scent of him. Something in it pacifies me… poking at
a familiarity in my mind I can’t quite reach. But I like it, either way. It wraps
me up the way his arms do, like a big, fuzzy blanket.
When we get back to the house, everything is quiet once more. Avi gives
me a look like he’s wondering if he should stay with me or give me space,
and as much as my body is urging me to cling to him, I pull away gently.
“Thanks…” I murmur. “I’m just gonna go to bed. I’m really tired.”
I stalk toward the stairs as he whispers behind me, “Okay… Goodnight.”
Clomping up the steps, I rub some feeling back into my hands, caressing
a line on my palm…
Our street, where he found me.
“Goodnight.”

Tossing and turning. Sweating through the sheets.

My dick is so hard it’s aching, brushing on the soft fabric and drawing out
a whimper. A shadowed form appears in the doorway, and I feel like it’s Avi.
I think it is, from the way my chest tightens and my stomach jitters at his
presence.
He says nothing. Simply glides over to the bed and climbs in with me.
And our bodies tangle, making stifling heat that burns like a million searing
licks of flames.
You’ll burn in Hell for all eternity…
“I just want to be with you…” Avi whispers on my neck, grinding his
body between my legs. “I want to make you mine.”
My throat dips as I swallow. It’s scratchy and thick like maybe I’ve been
screaming and crying, but I don’t remember doing it. My back is stiff, and
my muscles are sore…
I have rug burn on my knees.
Avi is touching me, but his hands feel different. They’re cold, and I flinch
when he runs his fingers between the crack of my ass.
“Beg for forgiveness…”
My eyes open, but all I see is dark. Blackness… An empty void of
nothing.
“Avi…?” I call out while the hands touch me, harder and greedier…
Aggressively pawing at me until I’m squirming to get away. “Avi, come
back!”
I’m trying to speak, but nothing is coming out. I hear the words in my
mind, but my vocal cords aren’t working. There’s an obstruction in my
mouth…
A thumb with something wrapped around it. It tastes bad…
I hate it.
I hate this so much.
“Stop…” I cry, tears falling from my eyes as I scratch and dig to escape,
but I can’t fucking move. I’m stuck, like my body is frozen solid. Kneeling
and subservient.
“You know who you are.”
No. No, no, no, please. Please stop.
“This is you, Kyran. He made you this way…”
The hand draped in something uneven covers my mouth, and I fall away,
into the abyss.
“No!” I gasp, shooting upright in bed.
Struggling for breath, I blink away the fog of my nightmare, gazing
frantically around the room. When the veil lifts, and reality finally comes
back into focus, I exhale shakily. I’m in my bedroom, and I’m alone.
“Fuck.” I rub my eyes hard, brushing sweat-slicked hair away from my
forehead.
I didn’t miss those fucking dreams…
Sure, I still have them on occasion, but nowhere near as often as I did
when I lived here. Under the same roof as my father and all of the lies he
clings to. It’s inescapable when I’m here. Like a monster that lives under my
bed.
I glance at the clock on my nightstand. It’s just after one in the morning.
He’s probably still at his stupid mass…
Scoffing, I shake my head, sliding out of bed to pad quietly over to the
bathroom. I’m in there for a few minutes, splashing water on my face and
gargling mouthwash to get the bitter taste of fear out of my mouth. But when
I’m done, I find myself staring at the door on the right… the one that leads to
Avi’s room.
And my feet take me there, without a second thought.
Turning the knob, I push open the door just a crack, peering into the dark
room. I find him right away, lying in his bed with his arms folded beneath his
head, staring up at the ceiling.
His eyes flick to mine, and he sits up slowly. “Hey…”
“Sorry,” I mumble, stepping into the room. “I couldn’t really sleep.”
“Yea…” He blinks at me. “I heard you yelling something in there…”
“Did I wake you up?” I ask remorsefully.
“Nah. I wasn’t really sleeping anyway.” I nod, shifting my weight in the
middle of the room until he grins. “Kyran… come here.” He pats the bed.
“Keep me company.”
I force a scowl to cover up a smile that feels way too eager as I wander
over. “Fine. If you insist…”
Avi shakes his head, huffing, “Stubborn idiot,” while I crash down onto
the bed next to him with a sigh.
He scoots over to make room, but not much. I lie on my back while he’s
on his side, facing me. And I know he’s staring at me, so I peek in his
direction.
“Are you alright?” he asks, dark brows zipped together in obvious
concern for me.
It’s almost suffocating, how effortlessly he notices that I’m not. And the
idea that he might know… That he could figure out why I am this way has me
gulping back every bit of emotion I can swallow, keeping the façade intact.
“Yea, I just…” I reply, as evenly as possible. “It was a nightmare. That’s
all.”
Avi doesn’t seem placated by my bullshit words. He nestles in closer to
me. “So what’s up with you and your dad?”
I stiffen. “What do you mean?”
“It’s like, ever since I’ve known you, you guys have had this obviously
fucked-up relationship… I’ve always wondered what it’s about.”
“It’s not about anything,” I mutter the lie, hanging on to it with clutched
fingers. “He’s just an asshole. He doesn’t really care about me…”
He made that clear when I was twelve, and he chose an image over his
own son.
“But why?” Avi asks. “You’re, like, the perfect son.” I scoff, but he keeps
going. “No, I’m serious. You’re smart as hell, great at school… A goddamn
college football star on his way to the NFL. What could he possibly have to
complain about?”
The room goes silent for several thick seconds before I say, “I broke up
our family…”
“How??” His baffled gaze is hot on my face. “That doesn’t even make
sense…”
“Avi, I don’t really want to talk about it,” I sigh tiredly. “Just be glad you
have a parent who loves you unconditionally… No matter what you do.”
He’s quiet for a moment, and my gut is churning anxiously. But then his
fingers slip up into my hair, and he brushes the strands gently. Closing my
eyes, I let out a breath, loving the feeling and reeling from it at the same time.
“And your sister?” He speaks softly. “Where does she fit into all this?”
I swallow. “Bridget left because she couldn’t deal with it…”
“With what?”
“Them. My mom and dad, and their… blatant disregard for us.” Shifting
onto my side, I face him, locking our eyes. “Everything we had was on the
surface. Wealthy, tons of friends. That smiling family in church every
Sunday, thanking God for all our blessings… But it was bullshit. It was an
act. Faking shit only lasts for so long…” I blink, then mumble, “I guess.”
Avi’s eyes sparkle with inquisition. I can tell he wants more information,
but thankfully he doesn’t pry. He just asks, “Are you mad that she left?
Because you wanted to go too…?”
I bite down on the inside of my cheek. “I just miss my sister. I don’t
blame her for leaving. I wish she hadn’t, but I get it.”
His fingers trail down my shoulder, onto my arm. “Why didn’t you go
farther? For school, I mean. If you really wanted to get away from here…”
I breathe out slowly. “It probably sounds dumb, but I love Boston. This
place is my home… I didn’t want to let the bad memories ruin it for me.” I
pause, considering this. “Part of me regrets it… Or, I did. I used to…”
My eyes fall to where his chest is moving, breaths seeming to pick up
with my subtle confession.
“Are you saying you don’t hate me as much as you used to?” His lips
quirk, and I purse mine to keep from grinning.
“It’s slowly wavering.” A tiny one sneaks through, and he chuckles.
“Remember my eighteenth birthday?” He smirks, fingers gliding down to
my hand. “How pissed off you were when you found out I was going to BC?”
 I laugh quietly. “I remember kicking your ass…”
He gasps in outrage. “You wish! I schooled you.”
“In your fucking dreams.” I shove him gently.
But my hand stays on his chest.
And then it falls, slowly, down to his waist. The amusement disappears,
and we stare at each other, breathing shallow as the warmth between our
bodies swallows us up, closing the mere inches of space that separate us.
“Will you tell me things about you now?” I whisper. “Things I don’t
know…”
He shrugs. “There isn’t much to tell, really. It’s always just been me and
my mom. My dad died when I was six, and that was pretty awful…” His
throat bobs. “But it was a long time ago.”
“You don’t have any other family?”
He shakes his head. “Not really. None that we communicate with. I have
one aunt in Brooklyn, my dad’s sister. The rest of his family lives in Spain.
And my mom’s family disowned her because she didn’t fit in with them. She
didn’t agree with a lot of their ideals…”
“You mean like religion?”
He nods. “She’s never had much interest in it, which I totally get. It’s
kind of ridiculous… All these rules and regulations just for faith.” He scoffs,
then peeks at me. “But I don’t need to tell you this. You were raised Catholic,
it’s pretty much the same dumb bullshit.”
Don’t I know it… I nod. “Fucking stupid.”
“Totally,” he agrees. “Fear the Almighty or He’ll strike you down.” He
huffs, shaking his head. “And the craziest thing is that all these religions have
spent centuries fighting over who He loves the most, when the whole time
He’s been historically indifferent to them all equally.”
My eyes narrow, because he makes a really great point. The kid’s smarter
than he lets on, that’s for sure.
“I just find it so infinitely idiotic… Killing each other when we’re all
worshipping the same asshole who doesn’t care,” he sighs. “But anyway.
That’s enough of my anti-theistic ranting.”
I chuckle, scooting in closer. Because I like what he’s saying.
“One of my mom’s brothers left too,” he goes on. “And they got a place
together in Lebanon for a bit before Mom decided to come here. He still lives
out there. We went to visit him once when I was twelve.” He chuckles as if
he’s remembering something. “He’s a cool guy. But yea, the community in
Brooklyn was even more pissed off at my mom when she married a Spanish
guy.”
He laughs again, and it makes me smile. “Your mom’s kind of a badass,
huh?”
“She is.” He grins. “Gives zero fucks about what anyone thinks.”
“Reminds me of someone…” I smirk, and he bites his lip. “I’ll still never
understand how she ended up with my father… He’s, like, the opposite. All
he does is care what people think. It’s exhausting, bordering on psychotic.”
Avi shrugs. “I don’t know…” His fingers brush over mine. “Maybe
sometimes opposites can attract. Maybe someone has something that you
don’t… And they make you better.”
I can’t even help how I’m leaning into him, closing the gap. Resting on
him and his deep words that mean so much to me right now.
That old resentment? The anger and the irritation… the hatred I’m not
even sure was real to begin with… I think it’s fully gone. And all I’m left
with is a desire to get closer… to learn more and listen more.
Like maybe I should have been doing from the start.
“Avi…” My fingers lace with his, almost timidly. And then my leg
swoops over his. “I need to ask you something…”
“Ask me,” he whispers.
“Was it really an accident…?” My mouth eases closer to his lips. “When
you touched my hand earlier?”
Raising my hand clasped in his, he drags it up to his chest. “It’s never
been an accident with you, Kyran.” My eyes flutter shut, forehead dropping
to his. “Was it an accident for you? When you called me baby…?”
My head shakes. “It’s never an accident.”
A hum rumbles up from his chest, and I press my lips to his to catch it.
I have no idea what I’m doing anymore… I don’t understand this. Me and
him… What’s real and what’s pretend.
All I know is that I’m kissing him because I want to, because it feels
good. And I don’t give a fuck about money or recording… I don’t care that
he’s my stepbrother, or that we’re different. This isn’t about the fans.
Because we have one very important thing in common that I never
noticed until right now… We’re both trying desperately to figure out who we
are.
Running in circles alone, we somehow wound up chasing each other.
Pushing myself on top of him, I’m coming undone in an instant, falling
apart on his mouth, building sweet friction between our writhing bodies. And
this time, my hands are ripping off his clothes, and my own. I’m driving this,
after so many times when I’ve let it feel like he was making it happen. Right
now, it’s all me.
I’m going to fuck him because I want to, not because I have to, or
because I’m telling myself that I do. I want to feel us coming together,
because it’s the only time when I’m sure of anything.
Avi yanks the comforter over us, and we move in synch, kissing wildly
while he uses something like lotion to get his dick wet.
“We have to be really quiet,” I mumble on his lips, my cock leaking on
his abs as I sit astride him. Grinding my ass back against his erection,
slipping and sliding it in between. “I think my dad will be coming home
soon…”
“So… not the time to use the cock ring, then?” He grins, and I rumble a
salacious laugh, shaking my head. He holds my jaw in his hand, keeping my
face in line with his while he aims his crown up to my hole. “We’ll use it
when we get back to the dorm.”
I nod, biting on his lip to keep quiet as he slips inside me. It takes me a
moment, but when I lift, I see stars behind my eyes, bearing my weight on
my knees and building to an easy rhythm.
His bed creaks a little, so we keep it slow. But it’s fine, because it feels
incredible this way… Hands all over, lips sucking, teeth nipping, tongues
professing what our mouths have to keep quiet. We’re all breaths, soft gasps,
and hushed grunts, hidden away in secret, giving one another the pleasure
that’s been sustaining us all along.
And by the time my orgasm is ready to pull me over the edge, I can’t
fucking believe I ever even attempted to fool myself into thinking this was
just about the money.
There isn’t a camera in sight, and it’s the best sex of my life.
Avi’s cock swells in my ass, and mine throbs between our joined bodies,
both of us erupting in mirrored bliss, making a sexy mess all over one
another.
But it feels divine. Heavenly…
A miracle if there ever was one.
My damning he’s turned into sweet salvation.
Christmakkah morning comes with Avi and I startling awake to voices and
noise outside his bedroom door.
After the mind-blowing sex that was just for us, we spent hours talking
until we both fell asleep. In his bed. Together.
With our parents just up the hall.
Yea, maybe not the best idea. But still, it was the best night of my life,
and I’m scared to think about what that means.
Jumping out of bed naked, clothes in hand, I rush toward the bathroom
with Avi hot on my trail.
“Fuck…” I grumble. “Do you think they heard us last night?? No, there’s
no way. They would’ve said something. Or not… because that’s really
awkward.” I ramble as my mind runs a marathon of neuroses.
“If you think you’re getting into that shower before me, you’re higher
than I am,” Avi grunts, pushing me out of the way.
“Are you fucking serious??” I whisper-bark at him. “Which one of us still
has cum lingering in his ass?”
I raise my hand, and he grins. “Please keep raising your hand to that
question. It’s my favorite thing you’ve ever done.”
I roll my eyes, going for the knob in the shower. Turning the water on, I
peer at Avi while he stands naked in front of the vanity, stretching and
grabbing his toothbrush.
“I can see you checking me out.” He winks at me in the mirror.
“I’m not checking you out…” I grumble. “I’m just wondering how it’s
possible that I actually shared a bed with you last night.”
“Why? Because I’m so awesome, you can’t believe how incredibly lucky
you are?” He beams.
Scoffing, I step into the shower, yanking the curtain closed. “Shut up,
Avi.”
“Just let me know if you want me to join you…” he sings.
“Yea, I’m sure that would work out beautifully,” I mutter sarcastically.
“Your mom comes up here to look for us and we’re in the shower together.
Merry Christmakkah to us all!”
He laughs, going about his business while I wash myself up, all the while
swimming in memories from last night.
I’m having trouble processing it as a real thing that happened…
Not the sex, because I’m getting used to that for the perplexing ecstasy it
is. But the part where we cuddled up together, naked, touching and talking
for hours on end. The part where I fell asleep with my head on his chest and
his fingers in my hair, our legs tangled, keeping us as close as possible
without swallowing each other up.
We talked about everything under the sun last night… Everything except
for one big thing that I have no intention of ever mentioning to him. But all
the other stuff…
I learned that his favorite music is grunge and alternative rock from the
nineties, because his mom used to play for him when he was little. I learned
that his obsession with licorice begins and ends with the red, and that he
thinks the black is more disgusting than rosemary, which he also hates.
I learned about all the crazy things he believes to be real, like Bigfoot,
and the Mothman, various aliens and monsters and beings from other
dimensions.
I learned that he’s never really had an actual relationship that’s lasted
longer than a few weeks, and that he’s never been to a school dance. It
bummed me out to hear this, because I’d completely forgotten until he
mentioned it that he was conveniently absent from our high school prom.
And I hadn’t even noticed at the time.
Regret is still rolling my stomach at the sound of his voice in my mind…
“I’m kind of a loser, Kyran… In case you didn’t notice,” he huffed, using
a fake grin to disguise real feelings I hate myself for missing before. “And
losers don’t get to slow dance at prom.”
This thing with us is complex and confusing and fucked up beyond belief,
but the more I think about it, the more I’m sure that last night was the kind of
night you have with someone you’re about to fall for… And I had it with my
stepbrother; a guy.
None of this is supposed to be happening… And I’m scared to death of
what it all means. But at what point do you stop fighting things that light you
up inside like the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center?
Avi’s been telling me all along to stop fighting what feels good. And the
whole time, I brushed off his words, because he doesn’t know the real story.
The real reason why this image I’ve created for myself is so important.
But at the same time, I’m finally beginning to recognize this for what it
is… Good.
No matter how complicated it is, it feels amazing, the things we do
together. Before last night, I thought it was just the sex that stirred up every
desire that’s been hidden inside me, buried beneath layers of denial and self-
preservation. But now, I know the physical part was just the beginning…
Somewhere along the lines, the hate fizzled out, and something new
sprouted up in its place. Affection… Fondness… Attachment?
I don’t get it, but now, when I’m peeking at him from around the shower
curtain, watching him gargle mouthwash and tie his messy hair back in a tiny
half-bun, I don’t see my stepbrother who pisses me off to no end. I don’t even
see my reluctant business partner I’ve been forced to interact with in order to
stay in school.
I just see Avi.
The guy who’s seen parts of me no one else has. The guy who never stops
smiling at me, no matter how mean I am to him.
The guy with snowflakes on his eyelashes, who brought me my coat last
night.
That guy wouldn’t be doing all of that just for money… Would he?
“Are you about done?” he rumbles, and I flinch away to pretend like I
wasn’t just staring at him.
“Uh…” I can’t even form words.
I’m too busy tangling up in a mess of emotional weeds.
“Alright, that’s it.” He whips the shower curtain back and climbs into the
shower.
His big body is crowding me, and I back up against the wall while he
grabs the body wash and begins lathering himself up.
If I was looking for a distraction from my state of confusion, here it is.
Avi’s soapy muscles, suds slipping down their tanned slopes.
“If you don’t want me to bend you over right now, you’re gonna have to
stop looking at me like that,” he murmurs.
Blinking at him while droplets of water tumble over his full lips, I stand
still, shivering as blood pumps rapidly to my aching cock. Avi’s eyes fall to
it, then back up to mine. And he lets out a ragged breath.
“Turn around,” he whispers, hoarse and commanding. And now my ass is
literally clenching in need. “We’re gonna have to make this quick… and
quiet.”
Nodding, I turn around and plant my hands on the wall. I don’t care about
anything right now other than getting him back inside me. I’m officially
addicted to this new distraction from the chaos, which feels oh-so much
better than the denying myself I used to run with.
Avi moves up behind me, his dick immediately jamming me in the ass. I
gasp and he hums, running his hands up my wet sides, sealing himself to my
back and decorating my shoulders with soft kisses. I can feel his arm moving
as he strokes his cock, then his fingers swirl around on my hole, making it
slippery with something… Maybe conditioner? Who even knows… Who
cares, I just need him inside me before I die.
“Are you open and ready for me, baby?” he whispers in my ear, tracing a
line up my neck with his tongue.
My face slants to glare at him over my shoulder. “Are you calling me
loose??”
He laughs with his lips on my shoulder. “No… I would never call you
loose, Kyran. I’m just making sure you’re relaxed.” He stuffs a finger inside
me, and I purr. “And it feels like you are.”
“Ffuck you,” I groan, leaning back against his chest while he fingers me
slowly, my body craving him wider; deeper than a finger can accomplish.
“Mmm… I love it when you get hostile,” he croons. “Don’t worry, baby.
You can be my sexy little slut and still have the tightest hole in the goddamn
universe.”
Whimpering, I push my ass back against him while he slides his finger
out, nudging the head of his cock between my cheeks.
“Ready, gorgeous?” He grips my hip with his left hand, nipping my
shoulder. “You’re about to get probed.” He chuckles, and I roll my eyes.
“Oh God… please don’t start talking about aliens again,” I huff, then
whine as he jams that fat crown into me.
“Man… You’d be a Gray’s wet dream,” he yammers, teasing me with the
round, plump head. “They like to see how much they can make you spray.”
“Avi, just shut up and fuck—” My hiss is cut off when he shoves his dick
in. “Meee.”
“Shhh.” He presses a firm hand on my back, forcing me to bend at the
waist. Palms flat on the wall, I brace myself while he drills up into me
slowly, feeding me every inch of his cock. “Quiet, baby. Let me fuck the cum
out of you real quick.”
“Unngghfuck, Avi…” I mumble random sounds and syllables, bending
over while he builds a rhythm, pounding into me slow, but fierce.
“Ahhh…vee, fuck my ass harder…”
Digging his fingers into my hips, he works his cock in and out, the
friction of him within my body’s walls and the lashing of my prostate sending
me sky-high in an instant. I’m trying my hardest to be quiet, because showers
tend to magnify sounds. Just ask the slap slap slap of his skin against mine
that seems to be rippling all around us.
“Look at that ass taking my cock…” he whispers, slinking his hands
around to my front to play with my nipples. “The sight alone is gonna make
me bust in you, baby.”
“Ffuuck… good,” I croak. “;Cause I’m… ah, I’m probably gonna…
come soon.”
“Yea?” He sounds elated, melting his chest over my back as he mashes
his hips into me, bruising my cheeks with brutal thrusts. “You nice and
sensitive for me this morning, beautiful boy?”
I nod fast, eyes rolling back from the zaps of lightning he’s shooting
through my loins. I must be super-sensitive, because every stroke of his cock
is turning me out, my dick pulsing precum as it swings up and down from the
force of him slamming into me. Reaching for it, I palm my balls, squeezing
them before jerking my cock to match his tempo. It feels sublime, and I’m
winding up tighter and tighter.
Avi smacks my hand away, taking over to stroke me while he fucks me,
his other hand gliding up to my throat. His hand curls around it tight and I
whimper, because I’m not sure why… But I just love the feeling of him
choking me while he’s turning my ass out.
“You’re being way too loud,” he scolds.
I hadn’t even noticed that I was. But then I’m also on a rocket ship to
Mars, so everything sounds like a fiery blast off.
His fingers move away from my throat and the next thing I know, he’s
jamming his thumb into my mouth.
“Here. Suck on this,” he hums.
Of course, I do.
Fuck, I don’t know what it is about his dominant side that destroys me so
damn good. Maybe it’s because he’s not like that in regular life… So it’s like
there’s a side of him that only I get to see. His regular cockiness is turned up
to the max when we’re alone, and he becomes this demanding, growly, filthy-
talking beast with a huge dick who orders me around. And something about it
calls to my submissive side I never let out… For anyone but him.
 Sucking feverishly on his thumb, I use it to thwart my groans and whines
and sobs while his cock is driving me right up to the edge of the cliff like
Thelma and Louise.
“Show me how you come for only me, superstar,” he whispers in my ear.
“Mmm mm mmmm…”
There it is… It’s right… here… I’m…
Avi pulls me upright, straightening my back flush against his chest while
he beats my dick off and ruts up into me. And I burst, shooting streams of
cum all over the shower wall while he milks out each aching contraction.
“That’s it, my pretty little football slut,” he whispers, and my eyes are
rolling back in my skull. “Look at that big dick come…”
My entire body is tingling all over, chills of hot and cold rushing beneath
my skin as my ass clenches tight on his cock. As soon as I’m finished
coming, he shoves me back over, bending me all the way at the waist so that
I’m almost touching my toes. Then his hands grip my ass cheeks hard,
spreading them open while he surges his cock in and out of me.
“Avi…” I whimper, struggling to keep my wobbly knees from giving out.
“Avi, come in me… b-baby.”
“God, I love hearing you call me that,” he grunts.
My hand rushes up to my softening dick and I tease it, with my balls, the
sensitivity causing me to shudder.
“I’m gonna feed your greedy hole every hot pulse.” His voice cracks, his
thrusts becoming frantic.
“Give it to me… please.”
I can’t believe I’m begging for cum… It’s fucking baffling, but there’s no
way I can deny this need. Not right now…
Not with his dick swelling up in my ass.
“Squeeze on it,” he snarls. “Suck it all… out. Fuck, baby, I’m gonna fill
you…”
“Fill me.”
“Take it.”
“I’m taking it.”
“Kyran…”
“Avi.”
I’m being flooded. I can feel it, gushing inside me while he stuffs it deep
with shallow thrusts. Gasping and panting and the quietest grunts we can
control fill the air, covered by the running water as my stepbrother comes in
my ass and I clench my muscles on him to grip him in me tight.
“God-fucking-damn, baby…” he sighs, hands rushing all over, cherishing
my wet flesh with affection as he comes down from the high of his orgasm.
“You are a fucking superstar.”
A chuckle bubbles from my throat as he pulls me up and I straighten once
more, his fingers playing with the curves in my chest and abs, lips dancing all
over my shoulders.
“Superstar at getting fucked…” I rasp, resting my weight against him.
“Who knew?”
“But only by me… right?” he whispers, a rare twinge of Avi vulnerability
sneaking out with his words.
I gulp, and nod. “Only you.”
And it’s the truth. Because as up in the air as this whole thing has
become, one thing I can say with full certainty is that I don’t want to be doing
this with anyone else. It’s confusing enough as it is… But for some reason,
with Avi, it doesn’t feel as scary as it should.
Maybe he’s given me a little of his reliance… to share.
“Ky…” he rumbles into me, flicking my earlobe with his tongue.
“Squeeze on it while I pull out. Hold it in… I wanna try something.”
His tone has this needy fascination, a desperate wonder that has me doing
exactly as he wishes. I clamp my ass while he tugs his cock out of me,
slowly, prompting a long, satisfied hum from within my chest.
But then I feel him crouching down. And my cheeks burn as I peek at him
over my shoulder, watching him open my ass and stuff his lips in between.
“Baby… Uhhfuck, baby, feed it to me,” his choked voice stammers, like
he’s lost in the pure obscenity of what he’s doing.
Licking my hole, sucking on it while I slowly, tentatively release and his
cum seeps out… into his waiting mouth.
“Jesus fuck…” I groan, while he hungrily eats his cum out of my ass.
“That’s fucking…”
“Hot,” he whimpers, kissing my hole over and over.
“So hot,” I purr.
He stands up, wiping the back of his mouth and staring at me with hooded
eyes. And I spin around, grabbing his jaw and kissing him hard, without a
single fuck to give in the world.
This is so fucking dirty, so depraved… And we’re not even doing it for
the fans. We’re doing it for us, because we want to. And just like everything
with us, it seems to just happen.
Maybe the reason I’ve been fighting this so hard is because I knew it was
inevitable… The chemistry of hate was never strong enough to overpower the
hunger of want.
 AnyH0leWillDo: I’ll be the squirrel, you be the tree, and I’ll bust a nut in your hole.
Creampie_dreampie: idk bc Not_Your_Baby is looking pretty baby to me rn

A knock at the door flings my heart up into my throat.

This… What is this??
I thought I was too high to feel such things…
Slipping the shirt I stole over my head, I rush to the door, crushing the
grin on my lips. I’m mostly kidding with this ensemble, but I also really want
to see the expression on his face.
Taking a deep breath to calm myself down, I whip open the door and grab
him by the shirt, hauling him inside. His eyes are wide, a smile resting on his
full lips that seems to be accompanying this cute little chuckle. Very
uncharacteristic for my stepbrother.
But from Kyran… The Kyran I spent Christmakkah with, in my bed at
our parents’ house… I think it’s a special gift for only me.
Like the Boston Red Sox cap he gave me, mumbling an adorable,
“Because I couldn’t stand looking at that Yankees hat for one more second.”
Really, though… Since when is he so cute??
Kyran steps in front of me, grin widening as his head slants, arms folded
over his chest while he looks me up and down. “So I didn’t actually lose my
jersey… You stole it.”
I drag my bottom lip between my teeth, and his hazel eyes zone in on it
happening. “I think you should be thanking me for locating it.”
He chuckles, crowding into my space, his hand sliding up the material of
his football jersey covering my chest. “You know I never washed this after
my last game…” His smile brushes mine, and I hum.
“I like it. You smell hot,” I rasp, and he laughs again.
Clasping my hands in the silky strands of his honey-colored hair, I pull
him closer, kissing him slow, playing with his tongue until I’m jittering like a
fiend.
“You look so good in this,” he purrs into my mouth, clutching a fistful of
his jersey while our bodies writhe together, lips working up ravenous suction.
“Better than anyone else who’s ever worn it…”
“Even you?” I tease.
“You wish, dumbass.” He grins, backing me up against the door, both of
our dicks straining between us.
Except that he’s wearing pants, and I only have my Calvins on… So it
feels really fucking good when he drags all those inches along mine.
Spinning and pushing him against the wall with a grunt, I kiss him harder,
working us both into a trance while my hand slides in between us to cover his
erection.
“You want me to leave it on?” I ask, easing him backwards, toward the
bedroom.
He nods frantically, and I can’t help the salacious smirk on my swollen
lips.
We were supposed to stay at home for a week, but it became clear from
being there for two seconds that Kyran didn’t want to do that. So the day
after Christmas, I pitched the idea to him about making up some football
excuse so we could come back to the dorms early. I would’ve liked to spend
some more time with my mom, but I think getting Kyran out of there was a
little more important.
So we came back to BC two days ago, and have spent pretty much every
waking minute of that time with our hands, mouths, and dicks otherwise
indisposed.
I told him it would make more sense for him to just stay here… While
everyone else is away for Christmas break. Why not recreate that amazing
night we had at home over and over again, for as long as we can?
But Kyran is still hesitant. I can’t say I expected him to just drop all of his
straight-guy nervousness right away. I’m just glad that he keeps coming over
here, willingly, no longer under the guise of recording ourselves for the
OnlyFans. Of course, we do still do that… Because it’s what we’re used to,
and it’s fun. But it doesn’t feel like a necessity anymore, which is as amazing
as it is unnerving.
If we’re not doing this for the fans, then that means we’re doing it… for
each other. For a relationship of some kind. And I don’t think Kyran is
prepared to deal with that. Truth be told, I’m not sure I am either. Because
I’ve never done anything like that before. Not with a guy… Not with anyone.
I’m a relationship virgin, and it has me in a constant state of panic that I’ll
do something to scare him off. We all know he’s more than skittish as it is…
“Avi…” He mumbles on my lips in between us mauling each other on the
way to my bed. “I have a surprise for you…”
“Yea,” I hum, pulling him on top of me as I crash down onto it. “I have a
surprise for you, too.”
“Okay, but mine actually doesn’t involve sex.” He stops me before I can
rip his shirt over his head.
“Oh?” I breathe, chest jumping from how goddamn turned on I am.
He shakes his head, brows zipping together. “Why… does yours?” I nod,
biting my lip.
“Oh…” He slides his fingers over my abs, still covered by his jersey.
“Well, I guess we could do yours first then.”
This time, I shake my head. “No, no. Now I want to hear about this non-
sexual surprise you have for me.”
His cheeks flush. “We have to go outside for it. I mean, we have to…
leave the dorm.”
I’m gaping at him like he’s just sprouted two more heads, and they’re
both equally gorgeous and adorable. He has a surprise for me that actually
involves us… being out in the world?
“Okay.” I nod slowly, really attempting to contain my zeal. “Should I…
get dressed?”
He shows me an almost ecstatic grin. “Yes.” His eyes glide over me once
more and he whispers, “But keep wearing the jersey. Please.”
Fuck me sideways, I’m going to swoon to death.
Kyran crawls off the bed, offering me his hand while I get up, twirling
like a top from how different this all seems. How much he’s acting like a
hesitant hetero boyfriend. I could be imagining it… but the fact that he wants
to take me out of the dorm is certainly a step in that direction.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going, or is that part of the
surprise?” I ask while we leave the Thomas More Apartments, wandering
outside into the chill.
 “That’s part of it.” He grins at me from the side, walking up toward the
main street, expecting me to follow him. Which I do.
He stops in front of a black SUV and spins to face me.
“Did you… buy me a car?” I blink, and he laughs.
“Uh, no.” He rolls his eyes in amusement. “It’s a rental. Part one of the
surprise requires us to drive.”
Grabbing me by the arm, he tugs me around the car, a Benz—a super
fancy one. He opens the passenger door for me, gesturing for me to hop in,
and I do, all the while wondering what on earth he’s up to.
Did he really just open my door for me…?
Kyran gets into the driver’s seat and buckles up, starting her with a quiet
hum before he peeks at me. “You ready?”
I grin. “Always.”
Shifting, he pulls us away, cruising the streets from the BC campus.
“Can I put some music on?” I ask while he drives, looking comfortable
and sexy behind the wheel.
I must admit, I really like it. I’m not much of a driver myself, growing up
in the city and all. I know how, and I enjoy doing it on occasion. But I think I
might like being chauffeured by him way more.
Kyran plucks his phone out of the center console, unlocking it quick and
handing it to me. “It’s hooked up to the Bluetooth. I’ve got Spotify.”
That gives me an idea…
Searching for the Spotify account I made, I select one of my playlists
entitled for the FANS, and press play.
Kyran peeks at me, and I smirk. “You recognize this song?”
“Oh yes,” he sighs. “You used to play it constantly when we lived
together.” I chuckle. “I probably know all the words at this point.”
“Really?” I cock my head. “Prove it.”
He laughs, shaking his head. But as soon as I start singing, he joins me.
And the next thing I know, we’re both belting out the words to one of my
favorite Weezer songs, “Say It Ain’t So.” And yes, he does seem to recall all
the words, because when we get to the part about Dear Daddy, I write you,
he’s got the whole thing down. I’m dying laughing by the time the song ends,
and he’s wiping tears from his eyes.
“Ooh, this one’s good too.” I bounce in my seat as “She” by Green Day
starts.
“You know, I feel like you’re too young to like this music.” He chuckles.
 “Oh please,” I scoff. “Nineties music is clutch. Plus, I told you—”
“It’s what your mom used to play,” he finishes my thought, glancing at
me. “I know. I remember.”
Pursing my lips to keep the vibrant smile down, I settle into my seat,
humming along with the music. The next song is starting while I gaze out the
window at the signs. We’re leaving Boston Proper, I guess you’d call it, and
heading away from the city altogether.
“How far are we going?” I ask, impatience lining my tone while I start
fiddling with things on the dash.
“The word is surprise, Avi,” he hums, giving me one of his scolding
looks.
“I know, but like… how much longer?”
“Do you have ADHD or something?” he grumbles through an amused
smirk.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Maybe. Probably. Ooh! What’s this stuff??”
I turn, bending to check out some bags on the floor of the backseat. It
looks like they’re filled with snacks, but he smacks me on the side before I
can get a good look.
“Just sit down and shut up,” he barks, though he’s still grinning. “Jesus,
you’re like a child.”
“Sorry HGB,” I snicker, nestling into my seat.
“What’s that? What are you calling me??”
“It stands for Hot Grouchy Blonde.” I grin, and he scowls. “It’s what the
fans used to call you when they were begging for us to collab.” I chuckle.
“How endearing,” he mutters, and I bite my lip.
“Hey, if the shoe fits…”
He shoots me a look, but he can’t seem to stop smiling and it’s really just
driving me insane. He looks… happy. For pretty much the first time since
I’ve known him. Without orgasms, or football… It’s pretty astonishing.
“I saw that picture of us you posted to the Fans, by the way…” he says
sternly.
I already know what he’s talking about. I snapped a picture of him last
night, after I made him come three times and he was cuddled up on my chest,
his sandy hair all tousled about, cheeks flushed, and his eyes closed. Of
course his face was covered in the one I posted. He also wasn’t exactly
sleeping, but he was in one of his post-orgasm dazes when he just won’t stop
touching me.
 It was a moment I couldn’t not capture. So I snapped a picture and shared
it on the OnlyFans, with the caption, I think he’s definitely my baby now.
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I peer at his face, hoping he’s not
going to call me a mushy idiot for it. “Did you see what they were saying?”
“Yea,” he sighs, tapping his thumb on the steering wheel. “They kinda
freaked out over it, huh?”
“Because they’re fans of us, Kyran,” I tell him sincerely. “Us together.
It’s like watching a love story and rooting for the two main characters to end
up together. Sure, they love to watch us fucking, but I think they also love us
as a… couple.”
His smile finally falls away, and my gut starts to churn with unease.
I pushed too far. See, this is what happens when you don’t know how to
be in a relationship. You act like a freak and ruin everything by being so
painfully uncool.
Kyran’s eyes flit to mine. “But in those movies… it’s fake. Right? I
mean, the actors aren’t really together…”
Rubbing my palms up and down on my jeans, I hum, “That’s true…
Although, I guess sometimes they are. In real life.”
He nods, quietly staring at the road ahead, like he’s deep in thought.
It’s stiflingly quiet inside the car until he finally mumbles, “I don’t know
how to do this, Avi…”
“Do what?” I ask, terrified of what he’s about to say, and hating every
second of it.
“I don’t know how to… admit that I’m…” He stops to swallow and chew
on his lower lip. “That I might like…”
My chest tightens when I realize that he’s not necessarily worried about
liking me as a person… His concerns are with him liking the same sex.
“Guys?” I toss out the word he’s dancing around, and he glares at me. But
it’s less angry and more… afraid.
I feel awful that he’s struggling with this so much more than I ever did. I
mean, I haven’t officially come out as bisexual to anyone other than my
friends, but still. I know telling my mom won’t be anywhere near as difficult
as him telling his dad would be. Or his teammates.
“You don’t have to worry about it right now,” I tell him, letting him know
with my tone that I’m being serious while also remaining firmly planted right
here for him. “There’s no rush to figure things out. Just enjoy yourself, and
it’ll happen… when it happens.”
 He comes to a stop at a red light and turns to face me a little, severe
appreciation and some mild astonishment shining in his eyes. “I have a
question…”
“Ask me.”
“Why do you act like you don’t care about anything when it’s so obvious
that you do?” He tilts his head. “Why do you… do all these drugs to
tranquilize the real Avi? You don’t have to… He’s crazy smart, and sweet,
and… kind of fucking awesome.”
My mouth hangs open for a moment while I just stare at him, feeling like
he just ripped the mask clean off my face, and is gazing intently at the ugly
mass of doubt underneath.
“It’s…” I murmur, my voice getting caught before I clear my throat. “It’s
not always easy being me, Kyran. It’s not like it is for you… Nobody tells me
how awesome I am, except my mom. But she’s just saying that because she
has to.”
His forehead lines. “No, she isn’t. She’s saying it because it’s true. Avi,
do you have any idea how much I wish I could be like you? Be fucking
different and proud of that fact?? I think that’s why I always hated you so
much… Because I’m jealous of how… free you are.”
I can’t fucking believe what I’m hearing. It’s so intense, there’s a buildup
of pressure pushing behind my eyes like a dam about to burst.
Thank God for the light turning green and the person honking behind us
for him to start driving again, because I really don’t think I could keep
looking into his eyes after something like that without bursting into tears like
a total baby.
“I’m sorry…” he mumbles. “If that was heavy, or if it felt like I was
calling you out or something. I promise, I’m not. I just… I feel like I’m
finally seeing the real Avi. And I like him. A lot.”
Blinking and swallowing over and over to hold myself together, I
whisper, “Now you know how I feel…”
I sense that he’s peeking at me, but I can’t look over there again. Not yet.
Not when I’m feeling something so potent for him. It’s like this palpable
emotion, pleading with me to wrap myself around him and never let go.
We drive the rest of the way without words. Just the crooning melodies of
a playlist I made for us, full of songs that remind me of him, and lyrics that
won’t stop singing about him in my mind.
A little while later, he pulls off the highway, in a small town I’ve
definitely never been to before. Another little grin graces his lips, and he
becomes visibly excited once more, which means we must be close. Then he
pulls us into an empty parking lot, with a giant white screen in it.
The sign reads Mendon Twin Drive-In.
My face is flinging left and right while I take in the setting. There’s snow
all over the ground, and not a car in sight. The place looks abandoned, which
would make sense since I’m pretty sure this is a summer activity. There are
also signs up everywhere that say Closed, so I’m not sure what he plans to do
here.
But either way… It’s romantic as fuck.
“You brought me to the drive-in?” I gasp, grinning and poking him in the
stomach. “Because I told you I’ve never been?”
“Yup. It’s honestly my favorite thing.” He sighs, looking out the
windows. “My parents used to bring Bridget and me here when we were
little… in the summer. The place would be packed with cars. We’d put the
seats down in the back and cuddle up with blankets and pillows.”
I turn to check the backseat, and he chuckles.
“I didn’t bring that stuff.” He leans back against the seat, sloping his face
my way. “I figured we could keep each other warm…” He bites his lip.
“I thought this was a non-sexual surprise?” I smirk.
He shrugs. “It’s us. I don’t think anything we do is non-sexual.”
I have to laugh at that. “Good point. But… the place is closed?” I look
around. “How are we going to watch a movie?”
He reaches into the backseat, returning with his laptop case. “Way ahead
of you, babe.” Unzipping it, he pulls out his laptop while I openly gawk at the
side of his face. “If you’re going to keep acting crazy every time I call you
that, then I’ll be forced to stop doing it.”
I press my lips together. “Sorry. It’s just… Babe. I like babe.”
“I thought you might.” He slinks a side-look at me that’s part teasing, part
totally sexy and boyfriend-y, and… fucking mine.
Great Odin’s raven, I have zero chill right now.
Kyran sets up his laptop on the dash, fiddling with it while he says, “Grab
those bags back there. We’ve got movie snacks.”
Picking up the bags, I dig through them to find all my favorite things.
Cans of Coke and root beer, gummy bears, Raisinets, Smartfood popcorn,
pizza-flavored Pringles, and of course, Twizzlers. Tons of Twizzlers.
“Wait a minute…” I squint into the bag. “I don’t see a single PowerBar in
here.” I peek at him. “What are you gonna eat?”
He laughs out loud, and my stomach tingles. “As far as I’m concerned,
I’m on vacation. Plus, I can just go extra hard on the cardio later.” He winks
at me.
“I’m very uncomfortable with how much I’m swooning right now,” I
mumble, and he chuckles again. “Just saying…”
“All part of the plan… baby,” he hums, grabbing me by his jersey and
pulling my lips to his.
We end up kissing until I’m practically climbing over the center console
to get on top of him, but we both pull apart when we realize it’s not what
we’re supposed to be doing right now.
I plop back into my seat with a hazy breath. “So, what are we watching?”
“Your choice.” He brushes his hair back with his fingers. “I’ve got all the
best of Scorsese and Tarantino.”
“The kings,” I point out, and he nods.
“Naturally. But I also have my personal favorites… Rob Zombie’s
Halloween, all the Texas Chainsaw Massacres, The Strangers, and Silence of
the Lambs.”
“Oh right, I forgot. You’re a horror movie fanatic,” I smirk, and he grins.
“Okay, well let’s go Silence of the Lambs, because it’s in my top five.”
His face whips in my direction. “It’s in my top five, too.”
“Really??” I gasp, thrilled by these occasional similarities we’re finding
sprinkled within the sea of our vast differences.
“Yup.” He beams with pride, then counts out his top five on his fingers,
“Silence of the Lambs, The Strangers, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, and The
Departed. In no particular order.”
“Wow. Solid top five.” I clap for him, and he bows.
“Now you go.”
“Okay…” I hold up my hand, lifting a finger for each. “Goodfellas,
Beetlejuice, Silence of the Lambs.” I tilt my head, and he nods. “Once Upon a
Time in Hollywood, and Django Unchained.”
“Hmm… So you’re a Leo fan, huh?”
“He excels in Tarantino movies,” I point out. “In my humble opinion.”
He nods, making a face like he’s impressed as he starts up the movie.
“Wait, so when I went as Vincent Vega for Halloween…” I murmur,
watching his lips curl like he knows what I’m about to say. “You were totally
fanboying inside??”
 His face pivots, and he pulls one of his little scowls, though it’s infinitely
less angry now. “Happy accident.”
I lean in, resting my elbows on the center console. “But there are no
accidents.”
He laughs, a growly one, tingling my balls. “Mmm… maybe I liked your
costume. Just a little.”
“Right.” I smirk. “Just a little.” He purses his lips to cover up a grin, and I
sigh. “I can’t help but notice your list is lacking comedy of any kind.”
His forehead lines. “Pulp Fiction is kind of funny…”
A cackle bursts from my throat. “The fact that you think that proves
you’re a psychopath.”
He chuckles, leaning back in his seat while the movie starts on the screen
before us. “I just don’t like being subjected to… humor.”
I can’t help how I’m giggling in a horrified sort of way. “Oh my God, you
are a fucking monster.”
“I’m just saying…” His words are wrapped in laughter. “I like finding
things funny on my own terms. I don’t want to have it shoved down my
throat. Which is why I hate stand-up comedy.”
“You would, you fucking ghoul.” I shake my head. “Have you ever even
seen a good stand-up show? Bill Burr, Tom Papa…?” He shakes his head.
“Okay, your homework assignment is to watch John Mullaney’s Kid
Gorgeous show on Netflix. I went to see it live in New York, and I was
almost peeing my pants.”
“Fine,” he sighs, reaching over to yank my hand onto his thigh. “If I
promise to watch it, will you shut up?” I nod animatedly. “Good. Now, eat
your snacks and be quiet.”
There’s no possible way I could evict the smile of a purely insane person
that’s now living on my face. It’s a squatter, at this point. Ain’t goin’
nowhere.
I open us both a soda, then tear into a bag of Twizzlers for me, handing
him some popcorn. And we eat one-handed while watching the movie, our
other hands joined in the middle, fingers threaded and gently toying with one
another.
This is by far the most romantic date I’ve ever been on. Okay, it’s the
only real date I’ve ever been on, as an adult. I had a few stupid trips to the
movies with girls in high school, but I’m telling you… panicking over taking
their tiny hand in my sweaty one was nothing like the effortless way Kyran’s
big hand fits in mine.
It just feels right, this whole thing. Being with him…
Even if it’s not, I don’t give a sparkling fuck soaring through the air. I
never want this to end.
About halfway through the movie, I’m on a bit of a sugar high, inching in
as close to him as I can get, which isn’t anywhere near close enough for me,
with the stupid center console in the way. The sun has set, and the darkness
surrounding the car is putting me in a bit of a mood.
“Can we go into the backseat…?” I purr in my most seductive tone,
releasing his hand so I can walk my fingers up his thigh.
His eyes slide over to mine, glistening in the lack of light. “You think
we’ll still be able to see the movie back there…?”
Shrugging, I crawl over to him, kissing his neck. “Not like we haven’t
seen it a million times.”
I’m sucking his earlobe gently between my lips while he hums, breathing
picking up significantly. “Okay, but we’re not even supposed to be here…”
He sounds like he’s trying to fight against the lust we both know is going to
win as my hand rubs up and down on his growing erection. “If we get caught,
we’ll be fucked.”
“So fucking will happen either way,” I whisper. “And stop acting like
being bad doesn’t totally turn you on… Oh, stepbrother of mine.”
He grumbles a sexy laugh, grasping my jaw and yanking my mouth to
his. Sucking on my lips, he gives me his tongue, and I tease it with mine
before tugging that sweet, plump pillow of a lip between my teeth.
Forcing myself off him, I climb into the backseat—not very gracefully, I
might add—crashing onto it while we both laugh. Kyran comes in after me,
easing himself over my body where I’m lying, gaze hooded and watching
him as he tugs his shirt over his head.
I can’t help the way my greedy hands crawl up his abs and his chest,
taking in the feel of soft skin draping hard slopes of muscle, every bit as
satisfying as devouring them with my eyes. Kyran opens his pants, then
undoes mine, our bodies instantly pressing together while we quench an
erotic thirst with our lips.
There’s an obvious lack of space in here that I’m very much enjoying. It’s
a pretty roomy backseat, but still, we’re both big; over six feet and muscled,
pawing at each other to build a congested heat that’s already fogging up the
windows.
 He drags my pants down enough to get my dick out, pushing his jersey
out of the way as he lowers his mouth to my cock. Licking it once slowly, his
warm lips suck me in until my hips are chasing the good feelings.
Kyran fists the material of his jersey, slurping off my dick to breathe,
“You’re keeping this on. The whole time.”
I nod, twisting my fingers in his hair. “Whatever you want, Number
Nine.” Shoving his mouth back down on my cock, my eyes roll back at the
sensation and the way his tongue cradles me. “Fuck, I love getting head from
the quarterback of the football team…”
He hums, grinding his erection on my thigh as he pops off. “How about
sliding your big cock into the quarterback of the football team?”
“I love that too…” I bite my lip, my mind swirling around some thoughts
from earlier.
Kyran sinks his mouth onto me once more, bobbing on my dick while he
tugs my pants down farther, shoving his own beneath his ass.
“Baby, I was thinking…” I gulp, my heart pounding from the adrenaline
of doing this here, the feeling of him sucking me silly. But also, with nerves
for what I’m about to say. “About the surprise I was gonna give you…”
“The sexy surprise?” he rumbles, fully invested in kissing a line down my
length, feathering my balls with his tongue.
“Yea, that one.” I drag my fingertips across his shoulder blades. “I could
give it to you now… If you want.”
He peeks up at me, cheeks flushed his usual gorgeous pink. “There’s no
way I’m saying no to that.” His hand slides up into my shirt, thumb flicking
my nipple while he sucks on my nuts.
“Okay…” I shiver, parting my legs as best I can. “So… here it is…”
I’m stammering like an idiot, and I can’t help it. I’ve been wanting to try
this for a while now, but it’s still making me all fidgety to confess.
“Kyran…” I rasp as he kisses various places on my dick and between my
thighs.
“Avi…” He yanks my pants down even more, and I purr.
“I want you to fuck me.”
His entire body goes still as his eyes slide up to mine. And I just know
I’m blushing harder than he is right now.
“You want me to fuck… you?” he asks, blinking wide, awestruck eyes.
My head tilts. “Yea. Nowhere in the rules does it say you always have to
be the bottom.” I grab him by the jaw to haul his lips up to mine. And he
comes willingly, his natural submissiveness giving me a nice, hard throb in
the balls. “I wanna try some of that pleasure that makes you weep for me,
baby.”
Kissing him slow and wet, I reach for his cock, pulling on it and stroking
it with my fist. I can feel it swelling up in an instant, so it’s probably safe to
assume he wants to try this, too. And I’m dying to know how it feels to be
ridden raw the way he takes it from me.
I want him moving in between my legs… I want him rutting inside me,
and I want to come on his cock. I want to fucking bottom, at least once, just
to see what it’s like.
And the staggering but somehow easiest facet is that I only want it with
him.
“Fuck…” he groans between my lips, fucking my fist slowly. “I wasn’t
sure you’d want to…” His voice trails, and I hum. “But I’m glad you do. I
wanna fuck you so bad, Avi.”
“God, I’m leaking already,” I pant. “Get that big dick inside me, please.”
“You’re gonna ruin my jersey, aren’t you?” He grins on my mouth, and I
chuckle.
“You told me to keep it on…”
“Yea, because it’s hot as fuck.” He pulls away from my lips, gazing down
with hooded eyes. “Even more now. I wanna shove my cock in you while
you’re wearing my jersey, baby.”
Lord have fucking mercy… I will never get over how sexy it sounds when
he calls me that.
Kyran yanks my pants down to my calves, pushing my legs apart as wide
as he can to wedge himself in between. I think we’re both accepting that we
can’t get fully naked right now… in the backseat of a rental car while
trespassing and all. But surprisingly, it’s even hotter this way.
Both of us still clothed, for the most part, shoving our pants out of the
way to fuck real quick before we get caught, because we can’t not. There’s
no option not to do this here… I’m insatiable for him, and I now know with
full certainty that he feels the same way.
He kneels over my hips, and I have to take a second to lean down and
suck his cock, because it really just looks scrumptious. He fucks my mouth
for a few minutes, gripping me by the hair, almost painfully. But the sting is
turning me on more, and I’m gulping him back, swallowing on him like a
fiend to get every little drop of precum he feeds me.
 Draping himself over me, he kisses my lips, then down my neck, lifting
the jersey so he can glide his tongue between every divot in my abs. Then he
sucks on my crown, doing this thing with his tongue where he slides it along
the underside of my shaft, brushing while just my head pushes into his
mouth.
He keeps moving down, kissing my balls, then cupping them in his palm,
holding them as he sneaks his tongue between the crack of my ass.
“Uhh… Ky…” My hips lift to get him better access. The tip of his tongue
teases my rim, and my entire body quakes. “That feels so fucking good.”
“I know, right?” He spreads my cheeks apart to eat me as best he can,
though it’s difficult at this angle, with the lack of space and my pants still on.
Regardless, the feeling is sweet, tickling bliss. Another thing I’ve been
desperate for him to do to me.
“Baby, it might work better if I… flip onto my stomach,” I rasp, curling
at the waist to give him as much of my ass as possible. But he’s kneeling over
my legs, so it’s hard to move.
“I know…” he mumbles, burying his face between my legs. “But I want
to see your face.”
Aww… That’s sweet. Why is that so sweet?
“I promise I’ll… I’ll turn my face,” I breathe, sweating and burning up so
hot my back is sticking to the leather. “I promise I’ll look at you.”
He nods and murmurs, “Okay,” sounding so sexy and eager for this, it has
my heart crashing against my ribs.
Rolling me over, he kneels over the backs of my legs while he lifts the
jersey enough to kiss a line down my spine, hands cupping my cheeks and
opening me up wide.
“You have such a nice ass,” he marvels, massaging and kneading it with
his fingers.
“So do you,” I hum, turning to gaze up at him from over my shoulder.
“And now I get to see my name on the jersey.” His lips curl excitedly
before he sinks his mouth over my hole.
Ohh… My beautiful Number Nine.
It works much better this way, the full length of his tongue brushing up
and down over my rim. He kisses a few times, then stuffs his tongue inside
me, my fingers digging into anywhere I can reach.
“Kyran… Fffuck, that’s good. Fuck me with your tongue, baby.”
The way he slides it in and out of me feels wickedly wonderful. I could
just lie here all day every day, with my ass on a goddamn platter for him.
But I know we don’t have that kind of time, and this tantalizing sensation
of him probing me with his tongue has my body craving something bigger,
and harder… Something thick and crazy long to stretch me full.
“L-lube…” I stammer through trembling lips. “In my p-pocket.”
“Two more minutes,” he whines. “Your ass is so fucking sweet, Avi.”
I feel drunk right now. “You eat me so good, beautiful…”
He finally tears himself away, breathing heavily and grasping my chin.
“Will you let me kiss you?”
“Give me that tongue,” I growl, parting my lips for him to slide it inside.
He kisses me sloppy, high on the lush depravity, sucking my lips and my
tongue in tandem. “You taste like candy, Twizzler boy.” He grins, and I
chuckle. “My strawberry sweetness.”
“I’m fucking obsessed with you,” I whimper into his mouth. “You were
totally right.”
“Good.” He reaches into my pocket, fishing out the bottle of lube.
“Because I think I’m kind of obsessed with you too…”
God, my chest is on fire.
“Fuck me…” The words fly on ragged breaths echoing his own as he
pours lube onto his fingers, coating his dick, then swiping them between my
cheeks. “God, baby, fuck me right now. I’m gonna die if I don’t get to feel
you soon…”
“Don’t die.” He kisses my lips, dragging the head of his cock over my
hole. “I need you.”
“I need you,” I whisper with our mouths together while he stuffs a finger
inside me, causing me to gasp.
“Avi, I fucking need you.” He repeats like a hushed mantra, fingering me
slow, as deep as he can reach. “I need you so bad…”
“Mmm-me t-too… Ky…”
Our breathing is bouncing off the interior of the vehicle, windows fogged
up so thick you can’t even see outside. Kyran plunges a second finger into
my ass, stretching me and wetting me inside, and I’m so needy it barely even
burns. I’m fucking feral for him.
His sex, yes, but for him, more than anything. I think I’d let him stuff his
entire body inside me at this point, just to keep him; to feel him reigning over
my insides.
Kyran tugs his fingers out, positioning the swollen head of his cock up to
my hole. “I’m gonna go in slow, baby…” he breathes. “So you can feel every
inch.”
I nod fast, and he begins to push, breaking through the barrier of my
body.
His cock is thick as fuck, and so damn hard. But velvety soft and slick
from the lubrication as it drives into me deeper and deeper, almost painfully
slow. I’m surprised I can even hear Kyran over the sounds of me groaning,
and my pulse popping off like fireworks in my head. But I can… and the
noises he’s making are fucking ruining me for anyone else, ever.
“Ahh-vee,” he sighs my name like that, hoarse and drawn, mesmerized as
he holds my ass open and feeds me inches. “So… tight… Baby, so warm and
sofuckingtight.”
“Ummfffuck… Ky. Kyran, fuck me more. More more more.”
He does a little draw back before he’s all the way in that has us both
moaning out nonsensical words, driving his big cock deep inside me until I’m
stuffed so full, I can’t move.
“Holy fucking shit, this… feels… amazing.” He drapes himself over my
back, holding up his body weight on the door so as not to crush me. “B-
babe… Is this what you feel when you fuck me?”
I nod, swallowing hard and biting my lip while I adjust to the feeling of
something so huge lancing all the way up inside me. “Is this—fuck, is this
what you feel when I fuck you??”
“Does it hurt?” He pets my hair, kissing down my neck. “We can stop if it
hurts…”
“Don’t ever fucking stop.” I wiggle my hips against his, the sensation of
friction on what must be my prostate lighting me up like the Fourth of
fucking July. “Ohh God, yes. Yes, yes, yes…”
Kyran pushes his hips into mine, drawing back, then diving in again. It’s
so intense, tears are seeping from my eyes. He lifts himself just a bit, working
up a slow rhythm to finally fuck me the way I need him to, and I can’t help it.
I’m fucking sobbing.
He grabs me by his jersey, stroking his cock in and out of my ass,
gradually building to an illicit pump. Slow at first, but before I know it, he’s
fucking the air out of my lungs and I’m whimpering only one word on repeat.
More.
“Fuck me more… Deeper. Harder. More cock, Kyran. More on that spot,
Kyran. More more fucking more.”
 “I wanna touch your dick,” he growls, reaching under me to jerk my cock
while he rides my ass, driving me into the seat so rough I’m afraid I might
break my ribs. But a punctured lung would be totally worth it because this is
fucking fantastic.
Hard, rough sex, his hips smacking against mine, my dick pulsing a sticky
mess all over the place. The car is straight up rocking around with his savage
thrusts, and my back is arching up for more.
“You fuck so good…” I whimper, gripping his arm while rearranges my
insides.
“You take dick so fucking good, baby.”
I can barely keep my eyes open, but I force them because I promised I
would look at him. Our dazed gazes hold one another the way our bodies do,
incessant need thumping and writhing between us while he fucks me right up
to the edge.
“Are you mine?” he whispers shakily, muscles glistening with sweat and
his hair hanging in his eyes making him look lightyears beyond fucking
gorgeous.
“Yes,” I croak, clenching on him as my orgasm looms. “All yours.”
“Good. I’m all yours too.”
He eases down and takes my bottom lip between his, sucking and biting.
And we both rush over, together.
“Fucking come for me, baby.” He slams his cock in me deep.
“Uhhfuck… UhhmmKyran, I’m coming!”
Trapped between my abs and the leather, my dick begins to throb,
shooting all over everything. And Kyran doesn’t stop. He works it out of me
with his big, beautiful cock, rippling in and out of my ass like crashing
waves.
“That’s it… Come for me, sexy. Feel every inch of my dick in your
perfect body while you come. Fuck, Avi, you’re… I’m…”
He groans and tightens before he spills in my ass, pouring deep into my
body while he sputters for air.
“You feel so good coming in me, baby…” I mewl, my muscles
contracting on him over and over as I float down from the high like a feather
in the breeze. “Give me more. I want it all…”
“Avi, you’re sucking it out of me…” he whimpers, slapping his hand
against the window to hold himself up.
Once his dick finally stops twinging in my ass, his hips come to a gradual
halt, and he just breathes above me. Lowering himself a bit, he nuzzles his
face in my hair, kissing my neck and my jaw and my lips.
I’m done. That’s it.
Game over.
I can’t even pretend anymore… I can’t hold it back, or rationalize it
away. Not after this. Not after the way that felt.
I’m in deep, purgatory-level trouble right now…
Because I think I’m falling in—
Clearing my throat to shut my own mind up, I squirm as Kyran lifts
himself off me and pulls out slowly.
“Shit, I’m sorry…” he mumbles, voice all raspy-sexy. “Am I crushing
you?”
“No, I just…” My voice trails while he moves back, helping me off the
seat. “My cum was like, gluing me to the leather.”
He laughs, and I crack a small, worried smile that hopefully doesn’t give
away my state of fucked-ness.
“I’m screwed.” He pushes his hair away from his face, handing me a
thing of wet wipes from inside the bag. “I’m gonna end up paying to detail
the inside of this thing.”
“Probably a good idea.” I grin.
Kyran flops onto the seat next to me, cleaning himself up and redressing,
while I do the same, only slower, because my ass is kind of sore and this is a
lot messier than I anticipated. But I’m all flushed and squirmy because I
really like it.
I like having him inside me this way…
Maybe that makes me a freak, but whatever. It’s the same thing I felt the
first time I came inside him. Like I was branding my initials on him. And
now I have his etched right on my heart.
Not just my body… I feel him in my fucking soul, and this is so bad.
Why did you think it was a good idea to let him fuck you, idiot?? Now
you’re attached to him like some desperate fool, and it’s ridiculous.
Why do I feel like this? Am I just physically incapable of having casual
sex, or is he just so closed off it doesn’t affect him the same way??
“Are you alright?” Kyran murmurs, and I put my obsessing on pause to
peek at him. “You’re awfully quiet. Was I too rough or something…?”
He looks worried, and I’m cringing over how it’s beating inside my chest
like a second heartbeat. The way he looks at me and the way he talks to me,
and the fucking smell of him all over me, God-fucking-damnit…
I can’t fall in love with my stepbrother.
Forcing a tiny shake of my head, I grunt, “No. No, you were not too
rough, trust me. I… That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt.”
His lips curl, and he flutters his lashes. “So does that mean we’re both
bottoms now?”
I have to laugh, because he seems thrilled by this concept. “We can be
any level of versatile you want, baby.”
His grin widens and he hums, while I shift at how fuzzy and hot it’s
making me.
Oh crap… Has his smile always been that beautifully radiant? Are those
hearts floating around his head??
Kyran doesn’t seem concerned with how weird I’m being. Because he’s
too busy being way more affectionate than I’m used to. Easing himself back
over to me, he wraps his arms around my waist, nestling up on my chest
while he kisses my neck and breathes me in. Almost like he’s…
“Are you sniffing me?” I peer down at him.
“I like your smell, so what?” He trails his lips over the mound in my
throat while it dips.
“Kyran, I—”
Nope. Stop it. Stop it right now.
I clear my throat again. “The movie ended like a million years ago. Are
we… leaving? Or do you wanna put another one on?”
“I don’t want to go yet…” he says calmly.
I’m very fucking perplexed right now. This is like a one-eighty from the
way he used to act after we’d fuck. Is it just because he fucked me this time?
Is that all it took??
No, that doesn’t make sense either, because he was like this with me after
we fucked on Christmas Eve. That was the night we stayed up talking until
we couldn’t keep our eyes open any longer. And each night since then, he’s
been lingering a little more and a little more afterward, like he’s slowly
giving up on the idea that he needs to run away every time the sex-high wears
off.
I mean, shit. This is a fucking date, I don’t care who you ask. And now he
doesn’t want to go… And I definitely don’t want to go.
So maybe we shouldn’t… go. Ever. Maybe we should just stay like this
and make us happen, because clearly, we both want it.
 But he’s also afraid to admit that he’s bi, or gay, or whatever he feels like
he might be leaning toward. So how do I broach the subject without scaring
him away?
“Which one do you want?” he asks, and my brow furrows. “For the next
movie…”
“Oh, right. Uh… You got The Departed?”
He grins. “Yes, of course. I told you, it’s in my top five.”
“Let’s do it, beautiful.”
He flashes me a quick, pleased look before crawling up toward the front
of the car to grab his laptop. Watching him starting up the next movie, I crack
open another can of soda, biting both ends of a Twizzler, and popping it
inside like a straw.
Because it’s my thing. It’s what I did the last time I saw my father alive.
My dad loved Twizzlers. They were his jam, and I used to copy
everything he did, so naturally, they became my jam, too. The day before he
died, he was doing some work around our apartment, drinking a can of Coke
with a straw.
For those of you who don’t know, they always used to give you straws
when you’d buy a can of soda from the bodega in New York City, back in the
day, before everyone recognized how bad straws are for the environment. I
guess maybe it was so you didn’t have to put your lips on the dirty can,
because who knew where it had been?
Either way, it was a thing. But when my dad put his drink down for a
second, I snuck over and pulled the straw out, replacing it with a Twizzler.
My dad picked up his drink, stared at the Twizzler, then looked at me while I
pretended to play with my toys, trying desperately not to giggle.
He plucked the Twizzler out of the can, took a bite out of each end and
stuffed it back in, sucking up a sip of his drink through it.
“Ah… That’s good stuff.” He winked at me, and we both started laughing
hysterically.
Ever since then, I always make a Twizzler straw for my sodas, because it
reminds me of him, and that perfect day when he was around. He never was
again after that…
Kyran crashes back into the seat, balancing the laptop on the center
console, so we can stay in the backseat. But this time, when he leans up
against my side, I drape my legs over his lap, cuddling up to him even closer.
Because for some reason, right now, I just need it.
 We watch the movie in silence for a bit, though I’m surprised he can’t
hear how loudly the mechanics of my mind are clanking and banging, like an
old crankshaft that’s cranking way too fast.
There’s just so much going on in my head; so much confusion and
contemplation…
So much sudden desire to figure out where we stand.
“Hey…” I mumble when it gets to be too much.
“Mm?” he grunts sleepily with his lips in my hair.
“So… tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve…”
Smooth, Avi. Tell him what holiday tomorrow is, like he’s an alien who
just landed here and has no idea what December 31st means.
Kyran chuckles. “Does that happen every year?” His tone is teasingly
sarcastic, but the smile I can hear in it turns me to a big ball of mush in his
lap.
“Ha ha.” I purse my lips, peeking up at him. “Do you have any plans?”
He blinks at me for a second before answering. “Yea, um… Guty’s
throwing a party at our dorm…”
My stomach twists into a painful knot. I swallow away the despondence
and nod, breaking our eye contact. “Right. That makes sense…”
“Avi…” He hums my name. I don’t want to hear the pity in it, but it’s
definitely there. “I would have invited you, but—”
“But I don’t belong there,” I mutter. “I get it. No worries.”
“No, that’s not it.” He shifts, moving so that he can look at me. But I’m
still finding it difficult to meet his eyes right now. “I just didn’t want to…
subject you to that whole… thing.”
“You mean a party with your friends who all think I’m a loser you hate
being around?”
He shakes his head. “It’s not like that. I promise…”
I roll my eyes. “Then what is it like?”
He doesn’t speak. He just stares at me like he wants so badly to say
something, but he can’t figure out how to make his mouth work.
Finally, he asks, “Do you have plans?”
I clear my throat. “Frankie’s having a party…” He nods, running his
fingers over mine. I wish I could be as unaffected as he is, to spare myself
from the inevitable heartache. But unlike him, I can’t stop my lips from
whispering, “You should come over after.”
His fingers slowly thread with mine. “What if I came over before
midnight…?”
My eyes spring to his, eyebrow arching. “Wouldn’t that look sort of…
suspicious? Leaving a New Year’s party at your own dorm before
midnight…”
He shrugs, playing with my fingers. “But what if the person I want to kiss
at midnight is somewhere else…?”
Staring into his eyes, I’m lost for a moment in the blurred spots of mossy
green that blend into the amber. They’re like a palette of paint I could dab a
brush into, and make a special color just for him.
My chin bobs in a captivated nod. “Then I think you should leave the
party… and go find that person.”
He smiles, leaning in closer to tease my lips with his. “So then it’s a
date.”
“’Kay…” I whisper, forcing my voice to sound even.
But inside me, there’s an earthquake happening. Ground shaking, rocking
my foundation with all this stuff I’m afraid to process.
This stuff I can’t ignore anymore.
Fuck the money… This isn’t about the fans.
Backwardz_Cap is officially smitten… and fucking terrified of what that
means.
 Andy_Amo: Backwardz_Cap + Not_Your_Baby I wanna be saved so bad I almost prayed,
can you boys be my new religion?
Slave4U69: Hey @Backwardz_Cap I got a Twizzler 4 U!
theSenator: Watching you two makes the difficult days a little more manageable<3

Extricating myself from Frankie’s New Year’s Eve party proved more
difficult than I’d expected.
It was a very fun party, as they tend to be, and all of our friends were
there. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to slip out before the countdown to
midnight, which is why I’d planned to make an undetected exit.
I would cause a distraction, and while everyone was focused on that, I’d
slink out the door and rush back to my dorm to meet Kyran so we could kiss
at midnight.
Because really, that’s what this whole thing is about, right? That’s why he
wanted to come over before midnight… So we could do what we wouldn’t be
able to do in front of people at either of our respective parties.
I’m starting to wonder if it would even be so bad. I’ve certainly never
given a shit what people think about me… So what if they see me kissing my
stepbrother?? Is it really that big of a deal?
What if we have feelings for each other? Are we expected to just push
them away and forget about them because society might find it a little
strange?
The thing is that I would be willing to take that kind of heat from people
for Kyran. At this juncture in our bizarre, befuddling little relationship, I’m
coming to terms with the idea of disappointing and weirding people out for
him, because I care more about the way it feels to be with him than a million
scoffs and eyerolls.
But I don’t think Kyran is in the same spot, and that’s been chomping
away at pieces of my heart for the past twenty-four hours like some sadistic
flesh-eating bacteria.
Kyran is confused about his sexuality. Add to that the fact that he’s in the
spotlight, being the quarterback of a football team poised to bring home a
major championship this year, who will no doubt be scouted by the NFL next
season, I’m not sure coming out as a guy who’s having a relationship with his
stepbrother is something he’s jumping at the chance to do anytime soon.
It kind of sucks, but this is the predicament we find ourselves in. So these
little moments, like sneaking away to kiss at midnight, are becoming more
and more important.
A half-hour ago, I challenged Micah to do a shot out of Frankie’s
bellybutton, which I thought would serve as the perfect distraction to rile
everyone up, keeping all attention on the two of them for long enough for me
to slip out.
And it was actually working. Until Zeb spotted me, that loud-mouthed
lush, and hollered, “Hey, Avi, where you goin’?!”
I paused with my hand on the doorknob, eyes squeezing shut as all the
excitement deflated from my body. So close.
He and Bea staggered over to me, while across the room, Frankie was
sitting up, shooting me a very suspicious look.
“I, uh… just need some fresh air,” I lied, pretending to be woozy and
drunk, when in reality, the only real high I was feeling was more like a
withdrawal for a certain set of lips. “I might throw up.”
“Oh, no!” Bea squealed in distress, grabbing me by the arm and tugging
me toward the bathroom. “Come with me. I’ll get you some water and rub
your back.”
“No… No, I’m fine.” I tried to yank myself away from her. “I just need to
go—”
“What’s wrong with him??” Micah asked, rushing over with Frankie hot
on his trail.
“Fuck me…” I muttered under my breath, rubbing my eyes.
“He feels sick,” Bea hiccupped, brushing her fingers through my hair.
“Don’t puke on my shoes!” Zeb cried, launching himself away from me.
“Is that right?” Frankie crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her
gaze at me. “Feeling sick, are you, Aviel?”
It was clear she wasn’t buying my little ruse, but I barely even cared
anymore. It was eleven-fifteen and I still needed to get all the way back to
campus if I was going to make it to Kyran by midnight. For all I knew, he
could already be there, waiting outside for me and thinking I ditched him.
Fuck this. I knew I should have given him my key.
“You guys, it’s okay. Really.” I finally yanked myself away from Bea’s
grip, stumbling back to the door. “I just need some air. I’ll be right… back.”
Tugging my phone out of my pocket while I whipped open the door, I
found a text from five minutes earlier.
Kyran: I’m here… Are you back yet?
“Fuck,” I whispered, diving out into the hall and rushing down the steps.
Me: I got held up... I’m so sorry. I’m on my way now, just sit tight
I was practically running to the T, but it didn’t even matter because I sat
there waiting for it for twenty fucking minutes. New Year’s Eve had
everything on a stupid delay, and I felt like an idiot for not getting out of
there sooner. There were no Ubers, no Lyfts. Nothing.
I was stuck waiting on the goddamn train to get me back to him.
It eventually showed up, and now I’m on it, frantically bouncing my
knee, watching the minutes disappear before my eyes.
At my stop, I leap off the thing and take off running again, across the
goddamn campus. By the time I get to my building, it’s fucking eleven fifty-
eight, and I can’t even wait for the stupid slow-ass elevator. I jog up four
flights of stairs to my floor, rushing up the hall to find Kyran sitting on the
floor in front of my door.
“I’m so… sorry…” I gasp, out of breath with blood rushing in my ears.
Dropping to my knees in front of him, I struggle to suck air into my lungs
before I pass out. “Wouldn’t… let me leave. Train… no Ubers… fucking
ran… Jesus Christ…”
I’m seeing spots.
Kyran’s lips slope into an amused grin. His hands reach out and he drapes
them over my chest. “Breathe, Avi.” I pull in a deep one, and he chuckles.
“It’s okay. You made it.”
“Barely…” I huff.
People begin shouting from somewhere up the hall.
They’re counting down.
 Kyran bites his lip, fingers sliding up my neck. I know I should probably
bring him inside… I don’t know if we can do this out here, in the open.
Someone might see…
But the chanting out numbers gets to five, then four, then three…
“Two,” he whispers, like he doesn’t give a single fuck about who could
see us.
He just wants to kiss me.
And with my heart racing like I just did to get to him, that’s all I want in
the world as I hum, “One.”
Crashing my lips onto his, I kiss him with my muscles trembling and my
chest burning from so much more than just the exertion.
I did make it. I made it to us…
“Happy New Year, baby,” he murmurs into my mouth, holding on to my
neck to keep me close as my fingers stroke through his silky soft hair.
“Happy New Year.”
I can’t stop kissing him. It just feels too good.
Being with him right now… knowing that he showed up because this is
what he wanted too… it’s everything.
“Are you gonna bring me inside or what?” He grins on my lips, and I grin
back, nodding.
“Come on, beautiful.” I take his hand while we both stand up. “You’re
mine tonight.”

“Baby… Can I take it off? Please…”

“Not yet,” I growl, my fingers digging into his hips.
“Please, Avi…” he whimpers again, running his hand along his swollen
cock. “I need to come so bad it hurts…”
“I know, baby,” I hum, chewing my lip at the sight of his dick bobbing on
my abs, all engorged, pink, thick and fucking stunning. The cock ring is
really holding him back, and it’s incredible to witness. “But you heard the
rules. Not until I come again.”
He whines, grinding his hips against me, riding my cock in gradual,
quivering motions with his hands on my knees to brace himself. We’ve
already been fucking for over an hour, and he hasn’t come yet. I can only
imagine the salacious burn he’s feeling from the torture of this edging.
We started with him bent over on all fours, my cock stretching and filling
his tight ass until I came, leaving that sweet hole overflowing. Then we
repositioned so that I could lie back and let him ride me, the perfect angle for
me to watch the gift from our fans work its magic.
And we’ve already spent an exorbitant amount of time testing out our
other gifts. Last night—slash this morning—we fucked till sunup, playing
with vibrating plugs, and these little suction cup things you stick on your
nipples. We made sure to record videos of us using them for the people who
sent them, which was fun, because filming is what we do. It’s what’s made us
into this… whatever we are now.
But off-camera is where the real sorcery has been happening. The
connection we’ve been building, that seems to grow stronger and more
powerful with every illustrious second we mutually feed into it.
This is becoming so much more than just sex for the fans.
It’s us. Not Backwardz_Cap and Not_Your_Baby… Kyran and Avi.
Falling into each other, over and over again, because we want to.
Apparently, our bodies know no bounds where one another is
concerned… Because I’m literal seconds from spilling inside him again.
Seventh orgasm in the last eighteen hours, between sucking, fucking, and the
one time he slid his cock inside my ass, wrapped my legs around his waist,
and jammed at my prostate like he was trying to win a prize.
Of course, we were both winners in that scenario. And yes, the prize was
more cum.
Which gives me an idea.
Lifting him off my dick, I move my hips, spreading my legs while he
kneels in between, slumping against my leg with a tired sigh.
“Why’d you stop…?” He pouts, and it’s as sexy as it is adorable.
“Put your cock in me.” I breathe out the words in a rush, grabbing the
lube and stroking some quickly onto his dick, magnified in its state of
tumescence. The thing is fucking huge right now, and rock solid, which has
me quivering below the waist.
Kyran bites his lip, scooting in closer while I aim his cock between my
ass. He pushes in, and we both groan out loud.
“Fuck me, baby…” I hiss, but he’s already doing it, pumping into me
with his palms on my chest. “Harder… faster… deeper, love. Fuck the cum
out of me so you can get your orgasm.”
His hair is hanging in his eyes, both of us sweat-slicked, panting and
grunting like fucking animals while he rides me out.
“Ummff… Avi… I might…” he croaks, running his hand down to fist my
cock. “I don’t think I can hold it.”
“You can do it, baby.” My voice comes out all shaky from his vigorous
thrusts. “I believe in you.”
“You’re the worst,” he mewls, dropping his face to suck on my nipples,
jerking my dick and destroying me with the delicious burn of wet friction
inside my body.
“You love it.” My head is fogging, muscles tensing, the orgasm bubbling
up to a slow boil in my loins. “Fffuck, your big dick is gonna make me
come…” Slapping my hands against his abs, I stop him and rasp, “Get back
on my cock so I can come in you.”
He doesn’t hesitate or argue. Pulling himself out, he climbs back over my
hips, seating himself fully on my pelvis, with every inch of me buried inside
him. And the descent of his warm, tight channel sliding down my length is
the final nail in the coffin.
I grab his hips hard, holding him in place while I shoot pulse after pulse
inside him, whimpering hoarse sobs of, “Holy fuck… oh my God, I’m
coming so hard in you… Again.”
“Avi…” he moans, flicking my nipples with his thumbs as he squirms on
my cock, head tipped back, chest flying through wild breaths that match my
own. “Your cum is so hot inside me…”
“Fuck yea, baby… work it out,” I mumble, forcing my eyes open to
watch him. Then I peel the cock ring off his dick and his chin drops to aim a
heady gaze at me. “Now come in me.”
“Thank God…” he whispers, sliding off my cock with my cum spilling
everywhere. Moving back in between my legs, he holds my thighs open. “I
wanna come all over you, baby… In your mouth and on your cock.” He
shoves his dick inside me with a punishing thrust that has me crying at the
overwhelming sensation. “But pouring deep in your ass wins.”
“Uhhfffuck.” Nonsense flows from my lips. I’m hypersensitive right now
and feeling every single twinge of his thick cock as it moves in me. “K-
Kyran…”
“Motherfucking fuck, I’m coming!” He gasps, crumbling and collapsing
with his abs sealing to mine, trapping my sensitive, softening cock between
us. “So hard… so, so hard, my dick is exploding.” He pushes and pulls
steadily to milk out every aching throb I can feel flooding me.
It’s fucking incredible. More than incredible…
I think I’m dead.
“Ow… ow ow… ohhh boy…” Kyran whimpers, writhing us together and
biting my throat. “Baby… I just came so hard in you it hurts…”
As I trickle back down to earth from the heavens, I find myself laughing.
More like giggling. Seriously, I sound like a cartoon character, but I can’t
even help it.
That was the most intense thing I’ve ever felt. And now I’m laughing.
Kyran starts chuckling with me, and the next thing I know, we’re both
snorting, our bodies wiggling together with voracious bouts of breathy
laughter.
“Oh my God.” He croaks out his giggles, wiping his eyes as he lifts
himself up and pulls out of me slowly. “We made such a mess!”
“And you sound like you lost your voice.” I chuckle, then frown. “Okay,
so do I.”
“Do you have neighbors on the other side of that wall??” He grins lazily,
nodding behind us while his fingers trace the lines of my chest. “They might
think we’re killing each other in here…”
“If that’s murder, then call me Jeffrey Dahmer, gorgeous.” I wink at him,
and he laughs. I tap him on the ass. “Okay. Up. As much as I want to hold on
to you forever, there’s cum literally everywhere. Let’s go take a shower.”
Pressing his lips together to cover a crazed smile, he cocks his head.
“Together?”
I sit up, putting us nose to nose. “You wanna?”
“I’m dying to.” He grins, kissing me softly.
It’s so slow, and warm, and chock full of passion, I’m melting all over the
bed.
So all those times he was showering in there alone… I could have been
joining him? Because he’s dying to…
It feels like my heart has escaped my ribcage and is flying all around the
room like a free bird to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird.”
Kyran peels off of me and stands up on wobbly legs. I do the same
myself, and we walk together to the bathroom, casually peeking at each other
and chewing on our lips to keep the psychotic grins from getting out.
“You’re walking like you just got turned out,” I tease, and he shoves me
playfully.
“So are you,” he growls while I shove him back. “You’re pretty much my
sperm bank at this point.”
I gasp, grabbing his arm while he play-fights me off. “You’re one to talk!
That sweet ass has been ripping shots of my cum like tequila on Cinco de
Mayo.”
He tosses his head back in a booming laugh, racing me into the bathroom.
Reaching inside, he turns on the water, and I give his ass a little smack. His
face whips in my direction, cheeks flushed as he forces a scowl.
“You like that, baby?” I crowd him, and he hums.
“Don’t tell the fans. They’ll start sending us whips and paddles.”
I laugh, feeling the water to make sure it’s warm enough. Then I hop in,
taking his hand in mine and bringing him in behind me. The shower isn’t big
—smaller than the one at home—so we pretty much have to stand with our
bodies pressed together in order to both be under the water at the same time.
But you won’t find me complaining. I might never shower alone again.
Squirting out some of my body wash into my hands, I lather up and run
them over his muscles, loving the feel of him beneath my fingers. He watches
me while I wash him, blinking droplets of water from his lashes that tumble
down his puffy lips.
It’s an image that will be seared in my mind for a very, very long time.
I savor the act of caressing soap onto every inch of him, taking my time
like I didn’t get to when we last showered together; touching his shoulders
and arms, down his perfectly sculpted chest and abs. His big, beautiful dick
gets much more attention from my fingers, before I move on to his legs and
feet. Then I spin him and do his back, unable to keep from purring while I
clean his ass.
His head drops back to rest on my shoulder, panting breaths echoing
inside the small enclosure. When the soap rinses off, I just have to kiss his
neck and his shoulders, running my fingers through his wet hair.
“You feel… so good,” he breathes. “I’ve never been touched the way you
touch me, Avi.”
“I’ve never touched anyone the way I touch you…” I confess to him in a
whisper, awed by how it feels to have my hands on him in a way that isn’t
building to sex.
He turns slowly, taking the bottle. “My turn?”
I nod timidly, watching him as he does what he wants with me, washing
my body with cherishing fingers, cleaning every aching muscle, every burn
of chafed skin. I can’t stop staring at the way he’s examining me, wondrous
gaze traveling the same route as his hands.
“This is… too good, Kyran.” My eyes fall shut when he presses his wet
chest to mine, fingers running up my sides. Too good to be true…
“Is there such a thing as too good?” he breathes.
Yes… I think there is such a thing as too good.
Because no matter how high your soul soars, the fear of heartache always
waits for you back down on the ground.
“I don’t know…” I grasp his jaw and bring his mouth quickly to mine,
kissing him impatiently while I can, because I’m so damn scared this heat
will run cold. “This is different, baby,” I hum in between frantic kisses. “Tell
me it’s different for you too…”
He nods fast while our lips chase the high. “It’s different. It is.”
“What does it mean?” I hate the desperation in my tone.
I don’t want to be the one freaking out over this, but I am. I’m teetering,
not knowing where he stands. Not knowing if this will last… Not knowing
fucking anything other than how I feel about him, which is so spectacularly
inconvenient it makes me shiver down to my bones even while standing
under hot water.
“I don’t… I don’t know.” His voice shakes a little, and it kills me,
because I don’t want him to be afraid.
We can’t both be afraid… it’ll never work. I want him to know for both
of us, but I just don’t think he does.
It sucks.
“I wish I had answers, Avi, but I’m completely fucked up here…” he
whispers.
“Do you want to stay?” I ask quietly.
He nods.
And the looming question fights its way up my throat. “Would you still
want to… if someone knew you were here?”
Kyran seals himself to me, hands gripping my back as his forehead drops
to mine. “I… I think so.”
My chest opens up like a bloom for him.
I think so…
Okay. I can work with I think so.
Kissing him for many more minutes, I eventually turn off the water and
hop out, grabbing us both towels. I’m not going to press this any more right
now, because I don’t want to stress him out.
He wants to stay. That’s a gift I’ll gladly accept.
We both dry off side by side, my eyes falling to my toothbrush. I
remember him using it this morning, and a grin tugs at my lips. Peeking at
Kyran, I find him staring at himself in the mirror, blinking at his reflection.
The blankness in his eyes kills my smile quickly, and I just watch him for a
moment.
This isn’t the first time I’ve seen him do this… Stare at himself in the
mirror; gawk at his own body, his limbs, as if he’s never seen them before.
It’s like he’s an alien wearing human skin… An Edgar suit, if you will.
It’s strange, and I really don’t know what to make of it. But after a few
minutes of silence, he’s starting to freak me out a little.
“Ky…” I rumble, a dash of worry in my tone.
He blinks hard, then turns his face in my direction, all traces of that
vacant stare having vanished. “Yea?”
“Are you… alright?” I ask softly, keeping my expression casual, so as not
to let him on to my concern for his sudden spaciness.
He puffs out an exhale, then grins, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Fine. Why?”
“No reason…” I shake my head. “You wanna wear some of my clothes?”
“’Kay,” he sighs, his smile becoming a little less wooden.
Forcing myself not to dwell on it, I bring him back into the bedroom,
rustling him up a pair of boxer briefs from inside my dresser. He steps into
them, then saunters over to the bed, stripping the dirty sheets off. I can’t help
but just stare at him while he does it.
He seems like he’s fully comfortable being here, but then who would
really know? Kyran has always been a bit of a closed book, so it’s hard to tell
what’s going on in his head at any given moment. I’d like to think I’ve gotten
to know him more over the last few weeks, but even so, he’s not usually one
to voice his emotions.
He keeps them bottled up inside, which is never a good thing when you’re
developing strong feelings for the bottler.
What are you hiding inside that pretty head of yours, baby?
Will it have you running from me again?
“You didn’t have to make my bed for me.” I fold my arms over my chest
while he secures the clean sheets on my mattress.
 “Well, you’re kind of a slob.” He shoots me a smirk. “I just wanted to
make sure it got done right.”
“Excuse you,” I huff. “I am very clean.”
“Right…” He chuckles. “You’re about as clean as The Dude.”
My laughter brings a sweet curve to his lips. Spinning, he traipses out of
the room, and I have no choice but to follow him.
“Are you going to put on actual clothes?” I grin, biting my lip at the sight
of his perfect peach of a booty in my black Calvins and nothing else.
“Are you complaining?” He pins me with a sly look before plopping onto
the couch, grabbing the TV remote.
“That doesn’t sound like something I would do.” I sit down next to him
while he chuckles.
We’re both on one cushion because Robin is currently snoozing on the
other side, taking up a majority of the couch. Kyran glances at her and scoffs,
shaking his head, though he’s smiling pleasantly while he searches for
something for us to watch. He stops on one of the ESPN channels I didn’t
even know I had.
“I’m starving.” His face slopes. “Will you order us some food?”
“Happy to.”
I rush off to get my phone. And when I return to the room, I find him
petting Robin’s furry little head while she sleeps.
I’m swooning so hard, I’m like the heart-eyed emoji personified.
“What would you like to eat, gorgeous thing?” I kneel next to him on the
couch while swiping through DoorDash. “Burgers, tacos… Ooh my God, this
place makes the best fried chicken…”
“Avi, can we please eat something healthy?” he whines. “I have a
massively important game next week. I don’t want to be weighed down by all
the junk food I consume when I’m with you.”
“Weighed down??” I huff a baffled chuckle. “Your body is fucking
insane, Kyran. You’re probably like, what… seven percent body fat?” He
frowns at me, and I blink. “I’m sorry… Is that too much?”
“For me, yes,” he grunts. “I need to be in prime shape for this game. No
fucking around.”
“Okay, well, we did just spend eighteen hours burning tons of calories, so
I think you’ll be fine.” I smirk, and he returns the look with one of faux
amusement.
“Just no fast food or excessive trans fats, please.” He curls himself around
me, dropping kisses all over my neck. “For me?”
“Fine,” I grumble. “You see what I do for you?? What do you want to eat,
babe?”
“Mmm… Sushi?”
I make a face, but I concede… because they do have those delicious fried
pork dumplings. I could just order, like, fifty of those.
“Sushi it is, for my chiseled man and all eight of his friends.” I poke each
one of his abs, and he growls, slapping my hand away.
“You joke, but sushi actually has a lot of starch,” he points out, and I just
stare blankly at him. “From the rice…”
“Ah, the rice,” I tease, and he chuckles, play smacking me on the jaw.
Then I smack him back. And this goes on for minutes before I finally call
a truce so I can order his damn sushi.
“Can we not watch this?” I complain some more, propped with my back
against the arm of the couch while he lies between my legs, playing with my
hands. “It’s boring. I’m sure MTV is running episodes of Catfish on a
loop…”
When he doesn’t answer me, I peer down to where he’s gazing at my
palm, running his fingertip along the center.
“I have this line too,” he whispers. “Except mine curves around here…
Like the way Comm Ave runs up over campus.”
I give him a puzzled look, but he doesn’t notice it. Because he’s too busy
studying the lines on my palm.
“Do you read palms or something?” I ask, bemused. “Because that would
be very uncharacteristic of you.”
His eyes flit to mine, and he tilts his head as if he’s considering whether
or not to tell me something. He smiles shyly, scooting up farther between my
legs.
“Promise not to make fun of me?” His lashes flutter, and he bites his lip.
I’m barely breathing right now. “I promise.”
Lifting his hand, he turns his palm to face me. “Sometimes I do this thing
where I imagine the lines on my palm are streets I know. See? Like this one
can be 93, or the Pike.” He drags his fingertip up a line, then points to
another. “This one is Hyland. See here, how it splits off like College Ave
over by Davis Square? And you can follow it into Cambridge…”
The way his eyes are sort of lit up over this has me reeling.
I’m not sure why, when, or how he ever started doing this, but it’s safe to
say I’m completely mesmerized by it. And by the mere fact that he’s sharing
it with me…
This strange little quirk, this peculiar, fully adorable vulnerability that I’m
almost positive he’s never shared with anyone before.
I can’t even find words to speak, and my silence must trip him up,
because he glances at me, unease framing his hazel eyes. “I’m a total weirdo,
right? It’s okay, you can just say it…”
“Oh…” I shake my head, grabbing him by the wrists before he can
squirm away in humiliation. “Ohh no, no, no. This is so very bad… Is
superstar quarterback Kyran Harbor cute??” I gasp, and his visible dread
retreats, a small smile tugging at his lips. “This is going to make it virtually
impossible for me to ever hate you again!”
His grin widens while I kiss both of his palms. But he bites it away,
forcing one of his scowls. “I’m sure if you try real hard, you can find your
way back there.”
“Nope. Please don’t grouch all over this new image I have of you,” I
hum, and he chuckles, trying to rip his hands away. But I won’t let him.
“Seriously, this is detrimental, Kyran. If you’re not careful, you might just
weasel your way out of enemy territory and into the land of friends.”
Slowly releasing my grip, I lower his hands onto my chest, and he takes
one of mine back, drawing more lines over my palm.
“And what happens… when you leave that place?” He peeks up at me for
a split second before returning to my hand, a nervous, almost innocent air
about him while he chews on his bottom lip. “Is that the end of the line?
Friend Land?”
My heart is lurching slowly up my throat as I shake my head. “I think
there might be another place. But… no one’s ever been there.” He blinks
wide eyes at me. “It’s pretty vacant.”
“Like an abandoned amusement park?” he murmurs quietly, and I nod.
“Yea. I’ve never met anyone who just… went there willingly.”
“If I wanted to go…” he says, barely audibly with his lips shivering mere
inches from mine. “Would you take me?”
I can barely even fathom what we’re talking about… What we’re dancing
around like two relationship virgins, too terrified to say the actual words.
But my pulse is racing, and my fingers are twitching with what I think
he’s asking me.
“If you were sure…” I whisper, the air around us growing hazy with
something other than lust. Something deeper and scarier… More potent. “If
you were… comfortable going there…” I gulp. “It would be your call, Ky.
Because there’s absolutely no way I could keep you out.”
He makes a soft noise, inching up to my lips to press the sweetest, most
unsure confession of a kiss on my mouth. In an instant, we’re both panting,
hands clasped together while our lips move in mutual apprehension.
Is this really what he wants…?
Could Kyran Harbor actually want to be more than just my stepbrother
who hates me, my business partner, or even my friend?
It’s always seemed impossible to consider, but here we are… Kissing and
touching, and it has absolutely nothing to do with sex, or money. This is
about emotion, which we seem to have spilling over at the moment.
It’s been happening slowly for a while… this change that suddenly seems
so drastic.
We don’t hate each other. Far from it.
In fact, I think we might…
My phone starts ringing, startling us both out of the reverie we were
working up to together. Kyran crawls back, breathing heavily while I answer
the phone.
“H-hello?” I stutter, trying to shake myself out of it.
“Yea, hey, it’s DoorDash,” a guy says over the phone. “I’m downstairs.”
“Shit… fuck.” I jump up, darting into the bedroom to put on actual
clothes. “Sorry. I’ll be right down.”
The guy chuckles at my cursing, but I hang up before he can say anything
else, slipping my hat on my head and stepping into my sneakers.
“The food’s here,” I tell Kyran on my way to the door. “I’ll be right
back.”
He nods, staring at nothing with his bottom lip pinched between his
thumb and forefinger, as if he’s deeply reeling from what just happened.
I’m sure he is. It was very intense.
But I don’t have time to think about it right now, because I need to go
grab his food.
Downstairs, I find a guy with a plastic bag standing in the lobby. He’s
pretty young… Actually, he looks like he might be in college himself, though
I don’t recognize him.
He smirks as I stalk over, taking the bag from him.
“Sorry about that.” I flash him a smile that’s only slightly flustered.
 “Don’t worry about it.” His own grin widens a bit, and I’m frozen in
place for a second, because call me crazy, but is he giving me the flirty eyes?
The dude glances up at my hat, narrowing his gaze as he slowly looks me
over.
Okay, this is weird. Is he checking me out?? I need to leave.
“Holy shit,” he whispers, face lighting up. “It’s you! Hey!”
My eyebrow arches, and I give him a look like he might be a li’l loco.
“Uh… I’m sorry. Have we met?”
“No, no.” He chuckles, keeping his voice down as he leans in closer. “I
subscribe to your OnlyFans.”
All the color drains from my face. I feel it happening as I stand there,
frozen, clutching a bag of takeout.
“I’m obsessed with your content,” he goes on, having a little fanboy
moment. And I’m freaking the fuck out inside. “I love you and
Not_Your_Baby together.” He glances around the room. “Are you with him
right now??”
Something snaps me back into focus, and I shake my head, forcing the
most polite smile I can manage while I back away from him slowly. “Um…
yea. I mean, no! No, I’m… Hey, thanks for the food. It’s always great to…
meet a… fan.”
The words are barely out of my mouth before I’m turning and high-tailing
it out of there. I almost make it to the elevator, but a familiar female voice
stops me.
“Avi!”
Whipping around, my eyes bug out of my head at Frankie, who’s
clomping over to me in her black furry boots.
“Shhh!” I look to the door where my fan is leaving, throwing another
excited grin my way.
“What’s your problem?” Frankie huffs.
“Jesus fucking Christ, my name… You said my name.” I rub my eyes.
“He probably heard you. Now he’s gonna tell everyone. Oh God, fuck me.”
“Who heard me? Why are you freaking out…” She pushes the button for
the elevator. “Did you already talk to Zeb??”
I give her a puzzled look. “No. Why… What happened to Zeb?”
“Nothing happened to him,” she whispers, looking around before she
says, “Look, I came here to talk to you. Shit might be hitting the fan a
little…”
 There’s a very sickening feeling of unease slinking around my gut as the
elevator pings and I step inside, pressing the button for my floor. “I really
wish you would’ve called first…”
“I tried texting you.” She follows me inside. “You didn’t answer.” She
leans up against the wall while the doors slowly close. “Why did you leave
before midnight last night?? Were you going to meet up with Kyran?”
I don’t even have the energy to lie or make up some story right now,
sighing, “Yea. He came over. And he’s still here, so you can’t stay.”
Frankie gasps, her mouth stretching into an elated smile as she does this
little hop. “Oh my God, are you two in love?!”
“What?! No!” I hiss. “Shut up, okay?? Don’t pull that shit in front of him.
He’ll totally freak out.”
“Sorry, sorry.” She nods, visibly collecting herself, though she’s still
shimmying around while the elevator comes to a stop. “But he spent the
night! That has to mean something, Avi. You guys aren’t just fucking
anymore.”
“I can’t do this right now,” I grumble, barely waiting for the doors to
open all the way before I’m lunging through and power-walking up the hall.
“Stay here for one sec.”
Slipping inside my dorm, I close the door in her face before she can try to
push her way inside. Kyran is still sitting on the couch, his knee bouncing
while he stares at the TV.
Gnawing nervously on my lip, I wander over with his food. “Hey, so,
uh… Frankie’s here.”
He stands up fast. “She’s here??” I nod. “Can’t you tell her to leave?”
I shake my head, nodding toward the door. “She’s right outside.”
“What the fuck…” he grunts under his breath, stalking quickly into the
bedroom, I’m assuming to get dressed.
“So I’ll just leave your food… here?” I drop the bag onto the coffee table,
wringing my hands over and over.
I have to tell him about the delivery guy who recognized me. And I’m
sure he won’t be pleased. But I guess I should deal with Frankie first, and
whatever shitstorm she decided to bring over, unannounced.
“Babe…” I call to Kyran, wandering over to the bedroom. “Are you
dressed?”
I hear him shuffling around in there before he swings open the bedroom
door, glaring at me. “Can you not call me babe when she’s here, please?”
 I roll my eyes. “Kyran, it’s Frankie. We had a fucking threesome with
her. She’s not going to say anything to anyone…”
He rubs his eyes, and I feel bad. He’s obviously stressed about this, not
ready to be thrust into this situation. Which sucks because I thought we were
making some progress only minutes ago.
Why does it always feel like one step forward, two steps back with him?
Frankie starts pounding on the door. “Are you bitches really just gonna
leave me out here?!”
Growling, I stomp over to the door, opening it fast and letting her
impatient ass inside. “Jesus, Frankie. Be a little bit more of a nuisance, why
don’t you.”
“I’m sorry. But this couldn’t wait.” She flings her face in Kyran’s
direction, grinning while he shifts awkwardly on his feet. “Hi, Ky. How are
you doing, precious?”
He scowls at her, but it’s nowhere near as intimidating as usual when he’s
blushing at the fact that she obviously knows why he’s here.
“Can you leave him alone, please?” I rumble. “What’s the issue?? We
were just about to eat…”
“Okay, well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news while you two are
cozied up playing house…” She pulls her vape out of her coat pocket and rips
a long drag. “But I just thought you might like to know that Zeb found your
OnlyFans.”
“He what?!” Kyran barks, eyes widening in terror.
“Kyran, will you please just go eat your food?” I hiss at him. “I’m
handling this.” He pins me with a glare, and I gulp, instantly backpedaling.
“I’m sorry, baby.” I try to rub his shoulder, but he rips away from me. “That
was rude… I didn’t mean it. I just don’t want you to worry, okay? Enjoy your
dinner—”
“Avi, I don’t care about the fucking dinner!” he seethes.
“Baby.” Frankie pouts. “You two are so cute together.”
“You, shut up.” I point at her, then return to Kyran, who’s clearly
freaking out, and I need to get a handle on it. “Zeb is one of my best friends,
Kyran. He won’t tell anyone, I swear to God.” I peer at Frankie for
confirmation. “Right?”
She nods firmly. “Totally. Zeb would never say anything.” Kyran’s
shoulders un-hunch just a bit. Until Frankie adds, “But I think I should also
tell you that he found it because a friend of his sent him the link…”
 “What friend?” I gasp. “Do they go to BC??”
Frankie gives us both a sympathetic look, purposely not responding,
which answers the question for her. My face drops into my hands.
“Holy fuck…” Kyran whispers. “This is it. My life is fucking over…”
“No. No, no, no, I wouldn’t say that,” Frankie tries to pacify him, but it’s
obviously not working. “It’s just a couple people. And it doesn’t mean
anyone’s gonna find out it’s you!”
She shouts the words after him, because now he’s storming around the
dorm.
“What are you doing?” I ask him nervously while he emerges from the
bedroom with his phone in his hand.
“Deactivating the Twitter,” he grunts, fingers visibly shaking as he taps
on the screen. “You need to do yours too. Right fucking now, Avi. I’m not
kidding.”
I nod slowly. “Okay…”
Pulling my phone out, I open the Twitter app and pull up my
Backwardz_Cap account. Two-hundred thousand followers, down the drain.
Jesus… No wonder people are figuring this shit out. We’re in the top .3
percent of OnlyFans…
“Alright, it’s deactivated,” I tell him, and he shakes his head like he’s not
satisfied.
“Now the Fans…” he demands, and I have to gape at him for a second.
“Kyran… Just hold on. Can’t we just… talk about this for a minute?”
“Talk about it??” he shouts. “What is there to talk about?! Avi, this is my
life. My fucking future is on the line here!”
“I know.” I scrape a hand over my face. “I know that, and I know you’re
scared, but let’s just think about this for a second…”
“Are you fucking serious right now?” he hisses, coming at me until he’s
so close I can feel him vibrating. “How is this even a debate, Avi?? Delete
the fucking account. Now.”
My eyes flick over to Frankie, who’s hovering, looking all kinds of
uncomfortable. “Frankie, can you please give us a minute?”
She nods, and leaves the dorm, stepping out into the hall. I’m not sure if
she’s sticking around or just going home… I kind of want to talk to her and
find out how bad she thinks this is.
But I don’t have time for that right now. Because Kyran is spinning out.
“This is all your fucking fault…” he mumbles, stalking back and forth,
ripping his hair in his fists.
“My fault??” I gasp, shocked by what he’s saying. “You cannot possibly
blame me for this…”
“You should’ve been more careful, Avi!” he roars. “You should’ve
blurred your face, too. Because how long until someone we know puts two
and two together?? You know it wouldn’t be that difficult.”
I falter for a second, a wave of hurt and anger and guilt crashing over me
like a tsunami.
“You’re barely even in the subscription content, though… Only the PPV
videos,” I mumble, chewing on my lip because I know it’s not entirely true.
His Twitter account never showed his face. Mine did on occasion… But
the OnlyFans definitely showed mine. All you’d have to do is pay twelve
dollars to see my face. I always blurred Kyran’s, even in the exclusive
content, but still… Recently, there have been more posts of us together,
outside of the pay-per-view.
Because it stopped being about the money, and started being about us.
Like the picture of Kyran snuggling up on my chest. His face isn’t visible,
but now that I’m thinking about it, it wouldn’t be outside of the realm of
possibility for someone to figure out that it’s my stepbrother in those pictures
and videos.
“Are you just hellbent on fucking destroying me??” he growls. “Is that
it?!”
“You sound crazy right now…” I mutter.
“Delete the fucking account, Avi, or so help me...”
“You’re overreacting,” I bark at him. “I’ll call Zeb! I’ll talk to his friend
and find out what he knows. It’s not serious enough to flush it all down the
fucking toilet!”
He covers his face with his hands and roars into them. “Avi! Wake up!
We have made plenty of fucking money off this! Enough is enough, we have
to let it go now!”
“It’s not about the fucking money!” I snap, aiming a desperate glare at
him.
He stares at me, chest heaving in his state of furious duress.
“It’s not about the money…” My voice loses all traces of anger, slipping
into pleading hopelessness as I whisper, “It’s about us.”
Kyran gapes at me, and I can tell there’s a war going on inside him…
Between the part of him that understands exactly what I’m talking about, and
the part that doesn’t want to. Stepping up to him, I place my hands on his
chest, feeling the heat in his body and the shivers from his nerves.
“Ky… this account is us. It’s the whole story, played out for people who
have loved watching us together. People who think we’re special.” I pause,
swallowing over the raw vulnerability in my tone. “I know you’re used to
people fawning over you, but I’m not, okay?? I never get that, from anyone
but them. The fans. They think we’re fucking perfect, and it’s not just about
the sex… I’ve gotten messages from people telling me how watching our
videos gave them the courage to come to terms with their sexuality… From
people who say they felt scared, and alone, but watching us helped them…”
My voice shudders as I choke back the emotion enough to tell him, “And
I’ve gotten messages from people who said they could feel our connection…
That seeing me and you together is more special than a million other videos
of people fucking.”
My hand slides up to cup his jaw. “And I agree, baby. This isn’t about the
sex, or the money anymore. It’s about Kyran and Avi, and I don’t… I don’t
want to give this up if it means I’ll lose you, too.”
I have to drop my face, because I’m scared to death to look at him right
now. I feel like I’ve been split open at the middle, all of my ugly insecurities
exposed like a soft underbelly.
“Avi…” his coarse voice whispers as he takes my hands in his. “I am
begging you to delete that account. Please, just think about me and my
future… The NFL. Put the rest of it aside, just for right now, and think about
how much this could fuck me over if someone found out.”
My chest caves, and I close my eyes. It feels like I just ripped my heart
out of my chest and handed it to him… And he’s talking about fucking
football.
“Did you even hear anything I just said…?” I step back, bending at the
waist and covering my head with my arms, because everything hurts.
“Yes. I did… Of course I did,” he mumbles. “But I’m just saying that, for
right now, it’s not about us, it’s about me.”
“Jesus Christ, could you sound any more selfish…” I straighten and roll
my eyes to the goddamn heavens.
He’s being such a fucking prick right now. And I feel like a moron for
even being surprised by it, because I should’ve known this would happen.
“Me?? You think I’m being selfish?!” he snarls. “Avi, you’re trying to
convince me to leave videos that could damn my NFL career to a fiery pit of
Hell up on the internet as some sort of declaration of my feelings for you, and
it’s fucking ludicrous! This isn’t about us. We aren’t in those videos. That’s
Backwardz_Cap and Not_Your_Baby. And I need you to see that, and
fucking take it down before I lose everything I’ve been working for my
whole life, and there is no more Kyran Harbor fucking left at all!”
Shaking my head, I feel defeated. I can’t say I don’t understand what he’s
saying, because I do. But I’m just… sick. He clearly doesn’t see what I see…
We are in those videos. And I’m not ready to lose them… The proof that
we’re something more.
Even so, I don’t have much of a choice. I won’t be responsible for ruining
his career, and I already feel guilty enough as it is, because for some reason, I
can shake the idea that I got him into this whole thing to begin with.
“Fine. Whatever.” I grab my phone and pull up the OnlyFans, tapping the
button to deactivate. I’m not even really paying attention to what I’m doing,
I’m just pressing buttons until it tells me the account is down. Then I mutter,
“It’s done. Happy?”
My eyes fling to his, and I watch as he lets out a long breath of relief,
rubbing the back of his neck.
“Thank you,” he whispers.
And we just stare at each other, for minutes on end, with nothing to say.
It shouldn’t feel different, in theory. But it does.
In the tap of a few buttons, it’s like a spell was broken. And part of me
expects him to run away, like a hostage whose chains have finally been
undone.
“So…” He visibly swallows down his uncertainty and asks, “What
happens now?”
I just sigh and shake my head, wandering toward the living room.
“Whatever the fuck you want, Kyran.”
He stands, hovering across the room for suffocating moments of time
before he mumbles, “Maybe I should just go…”
My eyes close and my jaw clenches. How did I know he’d say that…
I don’t speak another word. I can’t. I just stare at the TV while he grabs
his coat and puts on his shoes, each and every movement like a cleaver
hacking away at chunks from inside my chest.
“See ya, Avi,” he murmurs on his way out.
And I just sit, numb. Empty and alone…
In my abandoned amusement park.
“Just eat some of this… It’s really good.”
“Can’t eat. Too pissed,” I grunt, filling my lungs with as much smoke as I
possibly can before I choke to death.
“Avi, listen to me,” Frankie says, turning to face me on the couch. “I
know you’re upset right now because you think Kyran doesn’t care about
you. But just give him some time. You guys started the OnlyFans to make
money, and it turned into something neither of you expected. That’s not just
going to disappear because you’re no longer filming content together.”
“Then why did he leave?” I mutter robotically, gulping back the memory
of him walking out the door. “If he actually cared about me, as more than just
a fuck-buddy slash business partner, then he would have stayed. He said he
wanted to… stay.”
“You had a fight,” she sighs, using chopsticks to pick up one of Kyran’s
spicy tuna rolls. “He probably felt awkward and didn’t know how to handle
it. He’ll be back.”
“You don’t know him like I do.” I shake my head. “He’s too closed off.
Hung-up on being straight and popular and fucking celebrated for his
talents…” Everything I’m not. “He cares more about that stuff than he could
ever care about…” My voice trails and I sniff. “Whatever…”
“I’m really sorry you’re going through this, muffin.” Frankie rubs my
back, and it’s all I can do not to break the fuck down.
Only twenty minutes after Kyran left, Frankie came back. She said she
was lingering around outside just in case I ended up needing her, and never in
my life have I been so fucking grateful for her meddling ways.
I don’t want to be alone right now. I can’t stand the cluttered agony of my
sullen thoughts.
“Do you…” she starts, then pauses, long enough for me to peer at her.
“Do you think you love him?”
I pull a deep inhale, letting it out as a sigh of sorrow. “Yea, probably.”
“How did that happen, Av?” she asks, not prying, or judging, or even
looking for details. She’s just asking the question, and I don’t blame her.
To the outside world, Kyran and I were just stepbrothers who hate each
other. No one else knows what’s been going on these past few months. Not
even Frankie, who thought we were just fucking for the money.
 The fans watched the real stuff happen… the looks and the touches and
the parts between the sex. They saw something more. But even they didn’t
see the last few days…
Christmakkah, the drive-in… pretty much everything leading up to an
hour ago.
No one else saw me falling in love with him…
“It turned into more,” I whisper. “I guess we peeled back some layers or
something, and it just… I don’t know. It changed.”
Frankie shifts on the couch. “I’m gonna say something… and you might
get pissed at me for it, but whatever. Do your worst,” she says firmly.
“Nothing changed, Avi. You and Kyran have had chemistry from the fucking
start. I saw it. The fans saw it. That’s what had them begging for you two to
get together. People can play-act hot sex all they want, with rehearsed moves,
special lighting, and camera work in fancy locations… Giving the
appearance of real passion. But you two had something no one in this whole
online sex-work game has…”
I roll my head in her direction, lifting my brows in wait.
“You actually fucking want each other,” she says. “For real. It wasn’t an
act between you two. It never was… Not even close. Whether you claim you
hated each other is irrelevant. You never actually did.”
I’m staring at her for several heavy seconds, my lips parting while my
limbs shake. I have no real words to say other than the obvious… I do love
him.
I have no idea how it happened, but it did, and now I just want him back.
But before any of it can come out, the sound of keys jingling in the door
pulls our attention to the right. It swings open, and in stalks a tall dude with
dark hair and a vaguely familiar face, carrying a duffel bag.
He steps inside, drops the bag with a thunk, and tilts his head at us. “I’m
your roommate… Ash Holloway.” We’re both just gawking at him. And he
grins. “Sorry I’m late.”
 i.throw.a.frisbee01: you both are so cute together btw what size are you? My mouth
would be the perfect fit.
BoozyBaby: I would give anything for someone to look at me the way Backwardz_Cap
looks at you Not_Your_Baby.

The Eagles are going to the fucking Rose Bowl.

Last night, we played our final playoff game of the season against Ohio
State. And we won…
Barely.
It was one of the worst games I’ve played in my life. We were down for
most of it, and let’s just say, it was mainly my fault. I couldn’t focus. I was
scattered, torn-up, distracted and just off. As Austin Powers would say, I’d
lost my mojo.
The defense and our running backs carried the game well into the third
quarter, and Coach was fucking irate. He’s never screamed at me the way he
did last night… I thought the vein in his forehead was going to pop.
Our defensive players really showed their skills, keeping the Buckeyes’s
scoring down as best they could. By the fourth quarter, we were trailing them
by two touchdowns and a field goal. That was when Guty stepped in.
We’d just recovered the ball from an interception thrown by Ohio’s QB.
We were on their twenty-five-yard line when Coach called a timeout, and
Guty grabbed me pretty much by the scruff of my neck.
“Kyran, listen to me.” He got in close to my face, somehow whispering
and shouting at the same time. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but it
ends now, you got it?? You have come too far to lose this because of some
funk. Whatever’s got you all fucked up, just set it aside and focus on doing
you.”
I could barely breathe, I was so overwhelmed. Every single thing was
weighing on me, like brick and mortar being stacked right on top of my
shoulders. The insecurities I spend all day every day stuffing down were
coming up my throat and out of my pores.
You’re not good enough.
You’re weak. You’re worthless.
You’re scared.
This is the real you… Not the superstar they see on the outside.
You’re a pathetic, broken little failure…
Why would you think he’d ever want you?
The noise of the crowd shouting and hollering for the other team swarmed
me, growing so loud I was downright quaking.
My lungs were tight as I closed my eyes and shook my head… “I’m
gonna lose this game, bro. I don’t know what I’m doing… I think I’m h-
having a p-panic attack…”
Guty’s fingers dug into my shoulders, and he shook me hard until my
eyes snapped open. “Cut the shit, Nueve! That’s not you. You’re the best
goddamn quarterback in the division, and you don’t go down without a
fight.”
Those words stuck in my head, a memory shimmering… of Avi, dressed
up in his stupid eagle costume, telling me the same thing.
“You don’t go down without a fight… Trust me, I know.”
The thought of it brought a shivering grin to my lips, and I huffed a small
chuckle.
He looks like such an idiot in that mascot outfit… The way he does the
Moonwalk and the Electric Slide. Such a damn goofball, I swear to God.
“It’s not over until it’s over,” his voice rung through my mind.
“It’s not over…” I muttered, straightening my shoulders. “It’s not fucking
over.”
“Damn fucking straight!” Guty shouted, slapping me hard on the back.
“Now let’s go fucking win this thing, baby!”
I’m not your baby… My grin widened, and I slapped my hands together,
muscles stiffening with determination. I’m his.
“Let’s fucking do this!” I smashed my helmet into Guty’s while he
growled back.
 After that, I was on a mission. A mission to undo the mess I’d made of
this game. Within thirty seconds, I sunk a touchdown pass to Guty.
On our next drive, another.
Everyone around me was freaking the fuck out, but for the first time all
night, I was calm. I was in my zone… And every time I glanced at the
sidelines, I imagined Baldwin the fucking Eagle over there doing his stupid
hip-thrust thing. It made me laugh, and people probably thought I was nuts,
but whatever.
I would not lose tonight. It was the only thing in the world of which, at
that point, I was fully certain.
With thirty seconds left in the game, we just needed to get into field goal
range so Theo could work his magic. But I had other plans.
At the snap, I two-stepped, locking eyes on my best friend, the best damn
wide receiver in the ACC, maybe in the whole division, as he took off down
the field. He was like the fucking Roadrunner, sprinting like a maniac,
breaking so far from the Buckeyes’s defense, there was no way they’d ever
catch up to him.
And then I launched the ball like a fucking rocket blasting off into outer
space, damn near dislocating my shoulder to send it sailing in a perfect spiral.
It was a long-shot… The longest I’d ever attempted.
But it sloped right into Guty’s reaching arms at the ten-yard line. Eighty-
two yards up the field. And he jogged his way into the end zone to win us the
game.
What an incredible high, man. Coming back from one of the most
disastrous games I’d ever played, to throwing the longest touchdown pass,
not only of my career, but of the season as a whole… One of the longest the
league has ever seen. Smashing all kinds of records. It was the biggest rush of
my life.
But when my thrilled gaze flew to the sidelines, he wasn’t there… The
mascot.
And my smile faded a bit, homesickness setting in with some other
things… Regret and unrest. The win would have felt much better at home,
that was for sure.
But in the moment, I pushed past it enough to focus on celebrating with
my teammates. We would play for the Division I Championship.
Just one more big victory calling my name.
We had some fun last night in Ohio, but it was agreed upon by all that the
real partying would commence when we got back to Boston. Guty and I are
throwing a huge party tonight in our dorm. In fact, the entire floor will be
raging as a whole.
And I’m excited, yes. But I’m also racked with the same anxious
uncertainty that’s been plaguing me for days.
I haven’t talked to Avi at all since our fight. Not a word… Radio silence.
Dozens of times over the week leading up to the game, I considered going
over there to see him. To apologize for walking out when I know all he
wanted was for me to stay.
But every time I’d put my shoes on and go for the door, something would
stop me. I hate to think that it’s fear… But I’m sure that’s exactly what it is.
Because I do want to see him… I want to see him so bad.
I want to tell him I’m sorry for being an asshole about the OnlyFans, and
making the whole shitty situation about me. I’ve gone over what happened in
my brain hundreds of times, and I can’t get past what a whiny, entitled ass-
hat I was being.
Yes, I’m still nervous as hell about people from school finding Avi’s
account. I’m scared that they’ll figure out it was me in those videos and I’ll
be kicked off the team, or worse… Kicked out of school altogether.
Disgraced for making gay porn for money, and doomed to spend the rest of
my life working some menial job…
Living at home, with those nightmares.
It would be an epic disaster, but still… I handled the whole thing wrong. I
should’ve stayed and talked to Avi about it instead of just fighting with him
and running away.
After I told him I wanted to stay, too…
I’m sure he’s back to hating my fucking guts. That must be why he hasn’t
texted or called me once in the week since our fight… Not even to
congratulate me on the game. It’s ripping me up inside.
But the fear of what he was saying that night… of how close we came to
something that still frightens me down to my core… it’s kept me firmly
planted in place. Back in my warm bubble of avoidance and denial, which
doesn’t feel so warm anymore now that I know how much warmer it is when
I poke my head out.
That one week, from Christmas to New Years, was the best time of my
whole life. And I can shove it down, keep pretending it was just sex, or
something to pass the time, but no one’s buying that shit anymore. Not even
me.
And to make matters worse, tomorrow is the team banquet. Every
member of the team is supposed to be there with their families, including the
mascot. I don’t know if Avi plans on attending…
So even as we’re setting things up, preparing to get wild and rowdy
tonight in the name of epic celebration, there’s still this awareness itching
inside me, knowing full well that when the shots are flowing and the music is
bumping, and the girls are surrounding me with flirtatious looks and teasing
touches, all I’ll want to do is what I’ve been doing for months now…
Leave the stupid party and go over to his place instead.
Because it’s where I really want to be.
And I don’t want to wait for that to inevitably happen. I need to talk to
him now. To figure out what’s going on with us…
If there even is an us, without the fans.
“Hey…” I mumble to Guty, who’s lugging things around in preparation
of the party, which is supposed to start in a couple of hours. “I’ve gotta run
out for a sec.”
Stepping into my shoes, I pull my coat on. I’m actually going this time.
“You’ll be back for the party, right?” he asks, arranging bottles of liquor
on the counter. “Lots of luscious ladies eager to get their hands on Number
Nine Inches.”
He cackles at the look of horror on my face. “Please stop calling me that.
It makes it seem like you’ve spent time personally getting to know my dick.”
He grins and winks, though his eyes are lingering on me in a studious
way that has me bolting for the door.
I know it’s all in my head. If Guty heard some kind of rumor about me
having sex with Avi on OnlyFans, he definitely would’ve said something.
I’m dashing into the hall as he calls out, “You better be back here for this
party!”
No promises, bro.
Nerves and angst are tumbling around in my stomach like clothes in a
dryer while I stomp up the road to the Thomas More Apartments. My heart is
in my throat for every agonizing second of the elevator ride to the fourth
floor, fingers wiggling, toe tapping rapidly to match the race of my pulse.
When the doors finally open, I step out into the hall, sucking in long gulps of
air with each step until I’m in front of his door…
446. The place that feels more like home to me than any other…
 Because it’s where he is.
Knocking on the door, I shift awkwardly, feeling like I should have called
first. But this is what I do. I show up here unannounced, and he lets me in.
It’s our thing.
Except that this time, when the door flings open, I’m greeted by a
different person. Literally.
A guy with shaggy black hair and a lip piercing, who looks awfully
familiar for some reason, is standing inside the dorm in nothing but his
boxers, eating an apple.
I’m so stunned, I feel like Medusa just turned me to stone.
“May we help you?” the guy chirps, chewing and swallowing while I
gawk at him, not breathing, not blinking.
My heart isn’t even beating anymore.
“Uh… Avi…” The words croak from inside my throat, and I clear it. “Is
Avi… here?”
His lips curl and he chomps into another bite of his apple, stepping aside
to call out, “Aviel, darling! Someone’s here for you.” He peeks at me and
smirks. “He’ll be right out. Come in, mate. Take a load off.”
That accent… He’s Australian.
Inching my way inside the dorm, my gaze narrows in disbelief. “Ash
Holloway??”
“In the flesh.” He bows, chuckling to himself. And my eye is twitching.
The dude who stole my girlfriend in high school… is here now? In Avi’s
fucking dorm, half naked??
Is this some kind of sick joke?!
I feel like I might collapse, the reality of what’s going on smacking me
upside the head so hard I have to grip the side of the kitchen island to keep
from falling down.
Why is he here…? Why isn’t he wearing clothes??
Oh my God, is Avi in the shower?!
The panic attack is back with a vengeance, and I bend at the waist,
breathing in as best I can, struggling to fend it off.
“Kyran…”
My face tips up as Avi saunters into the room, fully clothed and not
appearing freshly showered. Still, it’s not exactly a comfort with emo asshole
over there, crunching on fruit and staring at us.
Avi rushes up to me fast, his eyes wide. “What are you doing here??”
 “Sorry…” I gasp, straightening and attempting a glare, though it still feels
like my heart is being squeezed between two big hands. “Am I interrupting
something?”
“No,” he whispers, pushing me farther into the kitchen for some privacy
as he peeks at Ash. “It’s not what it looks like, Kyran, I swear to God…”
“Why is he here?” I growl, eyes flinging to Ash, who skips into the living
room, plopping down on the couch like he owns the place. “Why is he not…
clothed??”
“That’s just how he walks around, apparently.” Avi runs his hand through
his hair. “He’s my roommate. He just showed up the other day… I guess he
was, like, in rehab or something, and he just got out.” He bites his lip, the
foggy blue in his eyes glistening with pleading sincerity. “Please believe me,
nothing happened.”
I can’t help the wave of relief that washes over me at his words, the
tightness in my chest easing up a bit. I don’t think he’s lying to me… He
doesn’t seem like he’s lying.
Nodding subtly, I try to remember why I came here and what I was going
to say, but it’s all been smashed to bits by the fact that there’s another person
in our shared space. The place that’s been just ours for so long… is now
infested with one asshole intruder.
“I… I just came to…” My voice trails when Ash gets up and trots over to
us, tossing his apple core in the garbage right next to me. Lowering to a
whisper, I lean in closer to Avi. “I wanted to talk to you… to apolog—”
“Holy fucking shit!” Ash gasps, and we both glare at him. “Now I
remember where I know you from! We all went to high school together!” He
laughs and shakes his head. “You’re Avi’s stepbrother, am I right?”
My teeth are clenched together so tightly I can almost feel them snapping.
“Yea… And you fucked my girlfriend senior year.”
He brings a hand to his chest like he’s appalled. “I did that?” I nod,
seething at him through my eyes. His brows furrow. “I’m sorry, mate. I was
pretty messed up senior year. It’s all a bit of a blur…”
“Her name was Becca Hansen,” I mutter, and he purses his lips.
“Ohhh, right, right. I think I remember,” he sighs, rubbing his hands
together. “I decided to try girls again for a while there.” His chin tips in Avi’s
direction and he winks. “Always fun to mix it up.”
Avi’s lashes flutter, his gaze shifting uncomfortably to me as he gives me
a look I can’t really read. I don’t know if he’s trying to convey annoyance for
this dude who just popped up out of nowhere, or if he’s tense because they’ve
been hooking up… Since apparently, they’re both bi and living together, and
the guy just walks around in his underwear like he’s displaying some
seductive mating call.
God, I fucking hate this. I need to get the hell out of here.
“Well, it’s been fun catching up, but I better get going,” I grunt through
gritted teeth, staggering to the door.
“Kyran, wait.” Avi follows me, grabbing my arm before I can reach for
the handle. “Don’t leave yet. We can go somewhere and talk…”
My body turns to him on its own, breaths shallowing at the way his smell
is suddenly overwhelming my senses. It reminds me of Christmas…
I bite my lip, our eyes locked together while his plead for me to stay, and
mine display how much I really fucking want to. But then I peer past him, at
Ash goddamn Holloway, who’s just lingering there, watching us curiously.
My spine stiffens, and I shake my head. “Nope, that won’t be necessary. I
just came over to… invite you to a party in my dorm tonight.”
Avi’s forehead lines, and he cringes when Ash starts singing, “Party party
partyyy! We are so there!”
Gulping, I shoot Avi a furiously helpless look, cocking my brow. We??
He mouths the words “nothing happened,” shaking his head firmly like
he really wants me to believe him. I really want to believe him…
But I just sigh, exhausted by this whole ordeal, as I turn back to the door.
“Alright, then. I’ll see you both in a few hours.”
Pulling open the door, I hear Ash crooning, “Bye!” Then he whispers to
Avi, “What’s his name again??”
“Kyran,” Avi growls, and Ash hollers, “Byee, Kyran!”
Slamming the door behind me, I stomp up the hall, fuming my way into
the elevator. But once I’m inside, I collapse into the wall, fisting hands in my
hair.
What the fuck?? It wasn’t supposed to happen like that…
This party officially has disaster written all over it.
Music is thumping. Drinks are flowing.
Kyran is obsessing, Kyran is raging.
I’ve been doing my best to forget what happened earlier, by drinking as
much as it takes to subdue my racing thoughts, but even that isn’t working.
Now, instead of simply fixating on all the bullshit in my life, I’m doing so
while intoxicated, which only doubles the frustration, confusion, and general
agony I’ve been feeling for a week.
Avi still hasn’t made an appearance, and I can’t stop thinking about the
reason for his absence…
Is he hooking up with Ash?
Are they banging out a quickie before the party?
Are they filming themselves fucking for Avi’s new and improved
OnlyFans, because all he really needed was a body and now I’ve been
replaced??
I’m probably fucking insane… In fact, I know I am. But I can’t fight away
the idea that the reason Avi was so bummed about shutting down the
OnlyFans was because he just loves the attention. And since I’m the one who
can’t be a part of it anymore, it would only make sense that he’d find
someone new to fuck for money.
Spiraling, I bring my cup to my lips, taking a large gulp of some potent
drink Bea gave me. Theo invited her, and in turn, she invited all of her
friends, like Micah and Frankie, and the judgy one who wears the
ostentatious outfits… What’s his name again?
Oh yea. Zeb.
The one who knows about the OnlyFans.
I’ve been watching him casually since he got here, and not once has he
given me a smirky look that would indicate him having seen me get fucked
by my stepbrother. He’s not even paying any attention to me at all, and dread
slowly retreats as I consider that maybe I did overreact.
Avi was right. My face was never in any of the content. Someone would
have to really be digging to piece it together, and I just don’t see random kids
at BC going through that kind of detective work for no reason.
I just feel fucking stupid about the whole thing. To blame Avi was a low
blow, and the guilt is still churning in my gut. After all, I agreed to it. I’m a
consenting adult.
I wasn’t coerced or tricked. I chose to have sex on camera because I
needed the money, and whatever happens, I should have to suffer the
consequences right alongside my partner. Business partner.
Former…
Ugh.
Glancing across the room, I spot Frankie, and she looks up, locking her
eyes with mine. She shoots me this sympathetic smile, and though it could be
because of the mess I find myself in, something about it feels heavier than
that.
It feels like the look someone gives you when they know you’re dealing
with a break-up, and it makes my skin crawl.
Avi and I didn’t break up. We were never together.
We’re just friends and stepbrothers.
The business is over, that’s all…
Swallowing hard, my lips part, and Frankie starts walking over like she’s
coming to talk to me, sucking me in with the magnetic need to confide in
someone. I’m getting so damn sick of always carrying everything around
myself. Just this once, I want to be able to break down and spill my guts.
But before she can make it over, two new people burst into the room.
Both tall, dark-haired emo boys with painted fingernails and rips in their
black jeans. Except that one is a scrawny asshole, and the other is… Well,
he’s Avi.
Ash saunters into the room, dragging Avi along by his arm, and I feel like
I’m being stabbed repeatedly in the chest by a blunt object just seeing them
arrive together… touching. Frankie greets them, whispering something to Avi
as she kisses his cheek. And Avi’s gaze immediately flings in my direction,
his eyes somehow shimmering both desire and unease my way.
Avi says hello to his friends, and my feet are anchored to the floor, even
though I’m vibrating with this overwhelming urge to walk over to him.
But I don’t.
I just stand here, sipping my millionth cocktail of the evening, watching
him speak to Zeb, who’s giving him a sly look, whispering things that have
Avi rolling his eyes—most likely about the Fans. But neither of them looks
over here, so I guess that means I’m alright for now. My reputation is safe,
and I can breathe easier.
I should be able to… But it still doesn’t seem to be happening as easily as
I’d like it to.
In an effort to distract myself, I allow a few of my teammates to pull me
into a game of beer pong, schooling them all, as usual, even with only partial
focus, while the majority of it remains across the room.
Ash is hanging all over Avi, throwing his arm around Avi’s shoulder and
speaking way too close to his ear. I’m trying not to let it bother me, but when
Avi pulls away, and Ash’s hand slides casually down the length of his back, I
end up crushing one of the ping-pong balls in my fist.
The booze swimming in my bloodstream is making things hazy, some
song by The Weekend weaving its smooth beats all around the room packed
with grinding bodies. A few different girls are looking at me, some of them
coming over to flirt and giggle and touch my chest. But I just keep inching
away because it doesn’t feel right. And the fact that it doesn’t is stressing me
out even more.
A hand much larger than those of the girls drops onto my shoulder, and
my face shifts. His scent gives him away before our eyes even meet. But then
they do, and a blue that looks like storm clouds locks me in place and
shallows my breathing.
“Hey…” Avi rumbles, casually enough, though his gaze is saying way
more than just that one stupid word. “Can we talk?”
I start to nod like an instinct. But then I glance around at all the people,
and I shake my head instead. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Bringing my
cup to my lips, I nod in the direction of his friends. “It’s a party. Just go have
fun.”
“Kyran, don’t do this,” he sighs, audibly upset, but keeping his voice
down so no one overhears us. “You made your point, and the business is
done, but… is that really it?” He blinks at me; a fluttering look of gloom.
“I don’t know what you want me to say…” I shrug, my body pulling this
unaffected bullshit while my heart is screaming something completely
different.
He licks his lips, running his fingers through his hair. “I want you to tell
me I was wrong… that ending it didn’t end it.” He looks around quickly
before whispering, “Us.”
And I do want to tell him that. I know I do, but I fucking can’t. Because it
doesn’t make any sense.
I can’t have feelings for him, because I’m not gay.
That’s the truth, the same one I’ve been clinging to like a child clutches
his blankie. I can’t fucking deal with accepting anything else. It’s too big, too
confusing.
Too much.
 “But us was just an act.” I choke out the words. “For the fans…
Remember? That’s all it was supposed to be, the whole time.” Rubbing my
eyes, I let out a jagged sigh. “Fuck, Avi, I didn’t ask for any of this…”
The look on his face is slaughtering me. He’s all helpless frustration in
those wide gray eyes… I can’t stand seeing it.
This is why I didn’t go over there all week. This is what stopped me…
Having to see him looking at me like that.
“Stop being such a coward and admit that this is just you running away
again,” he hisses. “God, you’re so afraid to admit that something changed—”
“You’re right,” I bark quietly, cutting him off. “Something did change. I
stopped hating you. We’re brothers, friends. And that’s a good fucking thing,
Avi.” I shake my head slowly. “But that’s all. It has to be…”
He squares his shoulders, jaw clenching as he murmurs right by my ear,
“You never really hated me, Kyran. We both know you didn’t…”
Then he turns and storms away, leaving me shaking and chugging the rest
of my drink in two large gulps.
My limbs are heavy as I watch him return to his friends, wedging himself
in between Micah and Ash. Ash slings his arm around Avi’s shoulder once
more, grinning at him, and Avi’s lips curve into one of his carefree smiles.
Grabbing the nearest bottle, I pour a bunch into some cups and shout,
“Who wants shots?!” To which a bunch of people cheer, rushing over.
Lexi wanders up to me, smooshing her boobs into my side as she takes a
cup. Tapping mine on hers, I whip it back, handing a few out to nearby
people while she scoots up to whisper in my ear.
“I can’t wait to see you looking all sexy in your suit tomorrow night,” she
hums, trailing her nails down my back.
I’m so numb I can barely feel it.
I tilt a bemused look at her, and she giggles. “For the banquet, silly.”
“Right,” I slur. “The fuckin banquet.” I gulp back another shot. “How
could I forget…”
“I think you’ll love my dress.” Her lips brush my face, and I flinch. “Who
knows… maybe I won’t be wearing anything underneath.”
“Hm…” I grumble, uninterested, as my eyes flick across the room once
more.
Avi and his friends are now sitting on the couch…. And Ash’s hand is on
Avi’s thigh.
I swallow past a sharp stab in my chest, mumbling, “Look, Lexi…
whatever we did in the past… I’m sorry, but it’s over.”
“Over??” she gasps. “Why?”
Inching away from her roaming hands, I huff, “Because it could never
work. I’m… into someone else.”
She starts whining something, but I’m not even listening. I’m too busy
watching another hand. And the way it’s roaming up and down Avi’s thigh…
Avi doesn’t look like he’s into it, but he’s also not pushing it away either.
Why do you care?? You just told him you were only friends, and you’re
barely even that, anyway. You should just go back to hating him…
Prove him fucking wrong for saying you never really hated him in the
first place, because you totally did.
“Yo, my baby Nueve!” Guty staggers over, handing me a new drink.
“This party is litty, mi amigo.”
“Cheers to that, motherfucker.” I knock my cup against his, spilling booze
everywhere as I take a sip.
“I’m gonna be so hungover tomorrow,” he grumbles. “Thank God the
banquet isn’t until seven.”
“The goddamn banquet,” I scoff, staring at Ash Holloway’s shameless
attempts at feeling up my stepbrother. “Why do we even have to go to that??
There are certain people I don’t wanna see, if you know what I mean…”
“I feel you, brother,” Guty hiccups.
I don’t think he’s really listening to me, but whatever. I’m too busy
glaring at Avi and his new pal, hanging all over each other.
Frankie also appears to be watching the way Ash is touching Avi. She
glances up at me, our eyes locking again in another one of those wordless
passes of conversation. Her brows zip together, and she shakes her head
subtly.
I simply purse my lips and shrug, sipping my drink.
What does she expect me to do?? Run over there, pull Ash off my
stepbrother… Make a fucking scene in front of everyone to prove once and
for all that this ache in my chest whenever I’m around him is real?? That
every time I look at him, my stomach flips and my skin buzzes and no matter
how hard I’ve tried to push it away and pretend like it’s not there, it just
seems to be getting fucking stronger, to the point where I feel like pieces of
my anatomy are missing when I’m not with him…
I can’t do that. Because who even knows what that stuff means, anyway…
“Where’s Theo?” I distract myself with meaningless words, spinning
around to get my stupid eyes away from that stupid couch where all that
dumb shit I don’t care about is happening.
“I think he left with someone…” Guty tugs on my arm. “’Who do you
think I should hook up with tonight?”
“Dude, I don’t care,” I slur, eyelids drooping. “Hook up with whoever
you want.” I shoot a forced smirk at him. “Who do you think I should hook
up with tonight?”
Guty chuckles, pinching my cheeks while I fight him off. “You know you
can hook up with whoever you want.”
“I need to hook up with someone new…” I rasp, barely even aware of
what I’m saying. “I need to fuck away the last one.”
“Who…? Lexi?”
Grunting in lieu of an actual response, my eyes land on these two girls
dancing. Their tits are all rubbing together and whatnot, and I start chewing
on the inside of my cheek.
That totally used to do something for me… Didn’t it?
I could’ve sworn I really liked it before…
“Whoa! Hello…” Guty shouts next to my face, and I cringe. “Look at
this…”
I assume he’s talking about the girls grinding on each other, and I nod,
blinking heavily as I wait for my dick to remember that he likes girls.
“Man, I didn’t know your stepbrother played for both teams.” Guty
chuckles.
My face swings in his direction. “What…?”
Muscles all over my body are stiffening in unease as he nods across the
room. Following his gaze, my stomach falls so fast it’s like I was just shoved
out of an airplane.
Avi… My chest caves, crushing my heart between my ribs as my eyes
widen.
Avi is kissing Ash… Or Ash is kissing Avi. Whatever… however it’s
happening, it’s happening. They’re fucking kissing.
No…
I’m fucking bleeding inside. My body is splitting down the middle, like
I’m being violently bisected with rusty tools.
I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I’m just stuck here, in purgatory, staring on
as Ash Holloway’s stupid bitch fingers slide up Avi’s neck into his hair, and
he sucks and bites on Avi’s lips.
 Those lips… I… I thought they were… for me.
I’m about to fucking fall to my knees because I just can’t keep my body
upright anymore. The red solo cup is being gripped so hard in my fist, it
cracks, and liquor spills down my arm.
Guty laughs and whoops. “Get some, Av!”
“No…” I whimper, then clear my throat. “No.” Tossing the cup onto the
floor, I growl, “No. No, no, no. Fuck that.”
Can’t watch. Can’t let this happen.
I stomp in their direction, but Guty grabs my arm, chuckling, “Yo, what
are you doing??”
“I’m gonna fucking kill that asshole,” I seethe, gasping at the sight of Avi
trying to pull away from the kiss.
He’s pulling away. He doesn’t want it.
Too bad it’s already been going on for way too many seconds.
Fuck! Fuck fucking this! I hate this!
Pushing people out of the way, I storm over to the couch with wrath
burning like hot molten lava in my veins.
Anger, frustration, hatred, confusion. The gang’s all here. My adrenaline
is jacked right now, and I’m about to rage so hard I think I might seriously
hurt someone.
Avi’s eyes are open with Ash’s mouth trailing his jaw, and they widen
when he spots me. He dips away from Ash as fast as possible, crashing onto
Zeb’s lab and spilling his drink everywhere.
“You bitch!” Zeb stands up, drenched in booze. “This is Prada!”
Lunging, I grab Ash Holloway by his arm, hauling him to his feet and
whipping him across the room. He goes flying into a bunch of people, and
everyone topples into a pile of bodies.
“Kyran! Wait—” Avi shouts.
“Dude, mellow!” Guty hollers.
But it’s too late. I’m already launching myself at Ash, grabbing him by
the throat and slamming him onto the floor.
“Don’t fucking touch him!” I snarl over Ash’s face, all semblance of
control lost. I may have blacked out. My body is working on total impulse,
the need to destroy this fucking prick for kissing my Avi taking over every
fiber of my being. “He’s not yours, you hear me?!”
My fist cocks back, but someone grabs my arm. Several someones.
At least four of my teammates are holding me back, trying to pry me off
of Ash, while Ash just lies there on the floor beneath me, blinking wide,
baffled eyes up at my face.
“Harbor, stop!” someone says. I think it’s Fellows. “Don’t do this, bro.
Think about it…”
I… don’t… fucking… care.
My anger is visceral. I can’t find my way out of it. All I see are flickers in
my mind…
A dark room.
My father’s disappointed face.
A rosary wrapped around a weathered hand…
“Fuck!” I roar.
And even with four of them on me, they can barely lift me off of Ash
while I fight to get back down there and bash his fucking face in for kissing
those lips.
Avi’s smile slips away… When I tell him he has no clue who he is.
All the times I brushed him off… Knocked books out of his hands in high
school, called him a loser in front of my friends…
All the times I walked out on him.
They’re all flashing through my thoughts, blinding me with so much
emotion, I can barely breathe. Like a slideshow, it’s playing in broken clicks.
Bedsheets wrapped around us… His fingers treasuring me with touch, his
hair hanging in his eyes.
Laughing, smiling, kissing, breathing…
I’m fucking drowning in it. The way it changed.
The way he became mine.
“Fucking let me go,” I grunt, sniffling as I whip myself out of their hold,
jumping off of Ash and stumbling away.
Sucking air into my lungs as best I can, I keep my head down while I
pant, rushing out of the dorm with Guty by my side, his hand on my back.
“It’s all good,” he calls out to the rest of the party, loud but calm. “We
just need some air. Everyone’s fine.”
I can feel eyes staring at me, and it’s like a huge fluorescent interrogation
light shining in my face as I stomp past the lingering bodies, up the hallway,
putting space between me and this prying situation.
Adrenaline is still buzzing me from head to toe, and I no longer feel
drunk. But now the despair is overwhelming the fuck out of the anger, and I
just need to sit down.
 Breathe. Relax.
You’re here… You’re fine.
Guty brings me to a quiet end of the hall where I rip myself away from
him and start pacing, yanking my hair in my fists.
He watches me with worried eyes. “You good?”
“No. No, I’m not fucking good,” I hiss, shaking my head.
“What’s your problem with that dude, anyway?” he asks carefully.
“He’s a fucking prick!” I growl.
“Why?? What even happened—”
“He stole my girlfriend in high school, and now he’s stealing my—” My
voice cuts out quick, and I blink at Guty, who’s staring at me like I’m nuts.
Shifting my tone, I mutter, “He was practically molesting my fucking
stepbrother. Forgive me for trying to defend him…”
You sound like such a whacko.
Guty’s head tilts. “I don’t know, bro… It looked like Avi was enjoying
himself.”
“What do you know about what he fucking enjoys…” I scrub my face
with my palms.
I’m fully aware that I’m making myself look bat-shit crazy right now, but
I can help it. I can’t stop picturing Ash’s mouth touching Avi’s and it’s
driving me fucking mental.
Guty is quiet for a while until eventually he clears his throat. “Alright,
kid. I’m hearing you. I just don’t want you to do something stupid that could
fuck us all over.”
I nod fast, leaning up against the wall with a crash. “I get it. I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be. Nothing happened.” He squeezes my shoulder. “I’m gonna go
make sure everyone’s chill… No one’s calling campus security or any dumb
shit.”
I nod again, rubbing my eyes while he clomps up the hall. I hear him
mumbling to someone, and my eyes shoot open to see who’s coming,
desperately wanting it to be…
“Oh. Hey…” I sigh as Frankie pads over to me, barefoot and carrying her
shoes.
“Don’t look so excited to see me,” she mumbles in amusement.
“Sorry, I just…”
I wanted it to be him.
“Avi wanted to come talk to you, but I told him to give you space.” She
leans up against the wall by my side. “Kyran, I totally understand why you’re
freaking out. Trust me, I do. But this shit is giving him whiplash.”
Peeking at her, I swallow down a hard lump of emotion. “And you think
it’s not the same for me?? I have no fucking clue what I’m doing anymore…”
“I get it,” she says softly. “It’s scary… coming to terms with stuff.”
My stomach flops aggressively. “You’re not talking about OnlyFans, are
you…?”
She chuckles. “No. I’m not.”
Letting out a ragged sighs, I scrape a hand over my face and whisper,
“He’s my stepbrother, Frankie…”
“So?” She scoffs. “He’s not your actual brother.”
I chew on my lip. “But I’m not… I mean, I didn’t think I was…”
“But you are,” she breathes.
Her tone is firm, and calming. Supportive. Like she’s stating a fact.
And maybe it’s okay. Maybe it’s not the end of the world… to want him.
To want more from him.
“Stop running from it, Ky.” She nudges me.
Slanting my chin down, I give her a grateful nod. It feels good to have
just one person in the whole world who knows about this.
But then she still doesn’t even know the half of it.
Frankie straightens with a breath, turning to leave.
“Thanks…” I mumble, and she smiles.
“I’m rooting for you.” She winks at me.
I roll my eyes, and she laughs, wandering away while I breathe out
slowly.
But she stops one last time and says, “Oh, and I’m bringing Avi to stay at
my place. Just thought you’d wanna know…”
“Whose idea was that?” I blink at her.
“His.” She shows me a knowing look. “He doesn’t want anyone else,
Kyran. You’d have to be a real moron not to see that.”
Frankie leaves, and I stay by myself in the hallway for a while, listening
to the sounds of the party winding down, people trickling out. Sitting on the
floor, I stare at my palm, tracing lines of highways that would bring me back
to the drive-in.
I want to go back to that night, when we were happy, just the two of us.
No filming, no fighting, no fans.
Just me and him… Together in an abandoned place. Like his rickety old
amusement park.
Grinning, I close my palm, admitting defeat. My actions just now were an
impulse straight from the heart. No matter how confusing, this can only mean
one thing, and maybe Frankie’s right.
Maybe I just need to stop running.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I type out a text with shaky fingers.
Me: You’re right… I never really hated you, baby.
Because I think I love you.
 Peteypie89: Anyone else feel like they just got dumped?? Backwardz_Cap &
Not_Your_Baby please come back! I can change!

I wake up on Frankie’s couch, with Robin walking all over my stomach.

She’s clearly very excited to have spent the night in a new place.
Rubbing my face, I sit up and look around, releasing a breath.
What a crazy night.
I’m sure I would’ve been fine staying in my dorm last night. Despite the
way Kyran was acting, Ash isn’t a rapist. He was flirting with me, and then
he kissed me. It wasn’t really a big deal.
Okay… so I kind of let it linger because I was mad at Kyran, and I wanted
to get him back for being the most stubborn, insufferable jerk I’ve ever had
massive, complicated feelings for. But I wasn’t going to let it go further than
a few quick tongue lashes. And if we’re being totally honest, I really didn’t
expect him to freak out the way he did.
I thought he’d make out with Lexi or something, to counteract my
immaturity with more immaturity. But what he did instead was… so much
sexier.
No, no. Violence is bad. He really needs to get that temper under control.
But I don’t know, seeing him rage out and make a scene, for me instead
of at me… God, it just turned up the swoon factor a zillion times more.
Which is obviously very inconvenient because I still have no idea where we
stand.
Even more so now that he sent me that text…
Grabbing my phone off the table, I open it and read it again, for the
sixtieth time.
Kyran: You’re right… I never really hated you, baby.
My lips curl into a ridiculous smile before I bite it off.
I’m glad he didn’t hurt Ash, or get himself in trouble. Though he certainly
raised a few questions with his outburst. Mainly from Ash, and my friends.
But I was able to smooth it over by blaming the whole thing on Ky being
drunk and hating Ash from high school. They bought it for the most part.
And Ash was totally remorseful, especially when I returned to the dorm to
pack up Robin and a quick change of clothes.
“I feel like you think I’m some kind of Chester the Molester…” Ash
whined, lingering outside the bedroom, peeking at Frankie, who was standing
watch like a guard dog.
“No one thinks you’re a molester,” I told him with a scoff. “I kissed you
back, remember? It’s not your fault, Kyran just doesn’t like you. And he’s…”
My eyes flicked to Frankie for a second. “Very protective.”
“Will you give me his number so I can apologize?” he pleaded, while
Frankie stood behind him, shaking her head and mouthing the word no.
“I will…” I hummed. “But not right now. Let him cool off a bit.”
I slapped him on the shoulder on the way out, leaving the dorm that’s
been mine for nearly five months.
But truth be told, I was a little relieved to get out of there. Ash had been
driving me crazy since he showed up. Especially after I found out that he was
Zeb’s friend who showed him my OnlyFans.
Seriously. What are the freaking odds?
It certainly made things more than awkward, having a roomie who’s seen
you in all manners of naked, cum-soaked positions. And even worse was
having to dodge all his questions about who Not_Your_Baby is, and what
happened to the account.
I think it’s for the best that I just crash here for a while… Until things
settle down.
“Morning, sweetheart.” Frankie shuffles into the room in skimpy shorts
and an oversized hoodie, yawning her way to the kitchen. “Sleep well?”
“Well enough.” I scoop Robin off my lap and set her down on the couch,
wandering over to where Frankie is making coffee with her fancy cappuccino
machine.
Her eyes shift. “Have any more hot phone sex with your stepbrother?”
She smirks deviously, cocking a dark eyebrow.
 “No.” I squint at her, tilting my head. “I’m still giving him space.”
“I saw you on your phone when I went to the bathroom in the middle of
the night…” she sneers.
“He texted me,” I mumble. “And I may have fallen asleep trying to think
up the perfect response.”
She chuckles, shaking her head. “You two are ridiculous. And so fucking
cute it hurts.”
Leaning up against the counter, I rub my eyes hard. “What am I supposed
to do about him, Frankie?? I have no clue what I’m going to say when I see
him tonight at the banquet…”
“Here’s a thought.” She licks some foam off of her finger, before turning
to face me. “How about telling him the fucking truth?”
“And what would that be…?”
“That you love him and you want him to be your grumpy boyfriend.” She
grins.
I scoff. “Even if that were true… which it kinda is… he’s way too unsure.
If he can’t even convince himself to be with me in secret, how the hell would
we ever make a relationship work? He’d be terrified to tell his friends, his
teammates… And our parents?? Forget about it.” My head swivels. “I mean,
what would we even say to them? Oh, hey, so I know you guys are married
and all, but your sons want to date each other. Is that cool?”
Frankie laughs, then pouts at my misfortune, rubbing my back. “If they
love you, they’ll get over it.”
“My mom would,” I rumble. “But Tom is, like, this super strict Catholic
dad. He and Kyran already have an awful relationship as it is…” Sighing out
my despondence, I stare down at my feet. “I won’t ask Kyran to make things
worse between them.”
“You shouldn’t have to ask him, Avi,” she says pointedly. “If he cares
about you, he’ll just do it.”
Yea… and I don’t really want to pull at that thread.
We were so fucking close before the drama with the Fans blew us all out
of proportion. Then last night, he says we’re just friends, then proceeds to
almost kill Ash for kissing me.
I swear to God, I need some Dramamine for how nauseous this back and
forth is making me.
“I guess I should shower, then head back to the dorm…” I sigh, weakened
from the bleak state of my existence.
 “You know you can stay here as long as you want,” Frankie says. “And
the same goes for that little peanut.” She glances at Robin.
“Oh, so you like her now?” I smirk.
“She’s growing on me, okay? Last night, she came into my room and
purred next to my face for like an hour. It was the cutest thing ever.”
I laugh. “Well, that’s good, because I really don’t want to deal with
carting her back and forth.”
Frankie looks like she’s trying to subdue her excitement as she says,
“You can just leave her here for the weekend, until you figure out what to do
about Ash. If you want to, I mean…”
Smiling down at her, I wrap her up in my arms. “Thanks for being the
best best friend ever, bae. Seriously, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Don’t thank me.” She squeezes me around the waist. “Just stay here!
You know you want to. The dorm was great when it was just yours, but
sharing it with Ash isn’t gonna work. Especially with Ky in the picture.”
If Ky even wants to be in the picture…
I know Frankie is right. I have no real desire to live with Ash, knowing
how fond he is of me. And Kyran will never go over there again as long as
he’s breathing, I’m sure of it.
It sucks, because that dorm was where it all began for us. But I also kind
of want to see if we can make this work outside of TMA 446. And without
the Fans…
Could we ever be more than him showing up in the middle of the night?
Would he even want that?
So many questions, and not enough answers. And it’s all happening at the
worst possible time, what with the banquet tonight, and then the Rose Bowl
right after. As antsy as I am to figure this stuff out, I also don’t want to stress
Kyran out before the biggest game of his life.
Putting it all on hold, just for now, I decide to take a shower and prepare
to stop by the dorm to get more of my stuff. At the very least, I should stay
here through the weekend. I can figure out what to do about Ash and the
dorm when I get back from California.
As I’m stepping out of the bathroom, my phone is ringing. Rushing to it
with my heart in my throat, it falls a bit when I find that it’s not Kyran.
It’s the BC Admissions Office.
“Hello?” I answer, a sudden burst of nerves rattling my body.
“Avi Vega?” a female voice asks.
 “Yes…”
“Hi, this is Sherry, Assistant to Dean Perkins. The dean would like to see
you in her office as soon as possible.”
I gulp. “But it’s Saturday…”
“I know. Unfortunately, it’s urgent, and can’t wait until Monday.”
My pulse is immediately thumping like crazy. “Okay… Then I guess I’ll
be right there.”
“Perfect. I’ll let her know you’re on your way.”
The call disconnects, and I’m left standing, frozen, with my phone
clutched in my fist.
Whatever this is… I’m sure it can’t be good.

Sitting in the dean’s office, I can’t stop fidgeting.

As it stands, I don’t do well with authority figures. They make me very
itchy, and the longer I sit in this prim and proper office, walls adorned with
degrees and fancy plaques, the less I feel like I belong here.
Maybe it’s just the dread I’m feeling from whatever urgent matter has
called me in here on a Saturday, but my insecurities are taking over. I don’t
think I’ve ever felt like I belong in this school.
Sure, I’ve made friends, and connections I might otherwise never have
come across. I’ve had fun, and I’ve learned about myself. But I feel like all of
that relies heavily on the relationships I’ve made here. Not the school itself.
Basically, I’m sitting in front of the dean feeling like a big fat phony for
even being here wasting her time.
Dean Perkins takes a seat at her desk, folding her hands on top of it.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Vega.”
I nod, my palms sweating all over my jeans. “Your… Dean-ness.”
She squints at me. “I’ll just cut right to the chase…” She picks up her cell
phone and taps a few times, turning it around to show me the screen. “Is this
you?”
It’s a screengrab from my OnlyFans account. One of my more modest
posts, but still a pretty scandalous thing for the dean of Boston College to be
presenting you with.
 I swallow hard, shaking in my boots. “I… don’t think so?”
“Is that an answer? Or are you asking me?” She’s very stern. Quite
frankly, it’s scaring the shit out of me.
“Can I ask what this is about?” I struggle to regain some of my
confidence.
Setting the phone down, she sits back in her seat. “I’ve received a few
anonymous tips from concerned students and faculty that a student fitting
your description has been engaging in… online sex work on campus. Now,
either you have a twin brother I don’t know about, or this account is being
run by you, Mr. Vega.”
I simply blink at her. I don’t think my vocal cords want to work at the
moment.
“Avi…” she sighs. “We both know this is you. Do us both a favor and—”
“But can you prove that it’s me?” I grunt.
“Yes,” she says firmly. “Because it’s your face.”
“Maybe it’s just someone who looks like me…”
“Avi. This is a very serious matter. I’m sure you understand that we can’t
have things like this occurring on campus.”
“How do you know it occurred on campus?” I keep going, standing my
ground.
I don’t think she has any actual evidence. And yea, it’s obviously me in
that picture. But if she knew for a fact, she’d be expelling me on the spot
instead of expecting me to confess.
See? All those true crime documentaries and court case shows have paid
off.
“Well, unfortunately, I have no choice but to suspend you while we
investigate this matter.” She straightens, shuffling papers on her desk like it’s
no big deal.
“Suspend me?? You have no proof!”
“That’s what we’ll be looking for, Mr. Vega.” Her lips quirk. “And if we
find out that this is you… and that you’ve been producing pornographic
videos on school property, you’ll be expelled permanently. Along with
anyone else who participated.”
My jaw clenches together so hard it’s aching.
Kyran…
If they find out he was in those videos with me, he’ll lose everything.
Fuck me. This is not good.
 “That’ll be all for now,” Dean Perkins says, sort of shooing me away.
“We’ll be in touch.”
Standing up slowly, I glare at her from across the desk. Call me crazy, but
I don’t think this lady likes me very much.
I leave her office in a fog of stress, heading back to Frankie’s. Zeb is
coming over with a suit for me to wear to the banquet tonight, since I don’t
own one. But now that I’m suspended, I’m not sure if I’ll even be welcome at
the banquet.
Whatever. I’m still going. Fuck that. I need to see Kyran. Plus, I’m a
member of that goddamn team, whether they want me there or not.
When I get back to Frankie’s, my anxiety is at an all-time high.
Unfortunately, it seems that it’s only going to get worse.
“Oh my God!” Zeb squawks at me the second I step through the door.
“What happened??”
“What are you talking about…?” I mutter, choosing to wait for him to tell
me why he’s freaking out before I drop the news that I’m suspended pending
allegations that I’ve been running a fucking porn studio out of my dorm.
“Did you get kicked out of school??” Frankie hustles over, clear worry on
her face.
“What would make you think that?” I ask as my entire body stiffens.
How do they already know?? This is not good…
Someone’s out here running their fucking mouth, and when I find out who
it is, I’m gonna lose my shit.
“Everyone’s talking about it,” Zeb says, watching me closely while I pull
out my pen and take a long drag to calm my nerves. “They’re saying you got
suspended because of your OnlyFans. For making porn on campus…”
“Allegedly,” I correct him, smoking even more; deeper.
I need to get rid of this anxiety. I’m fucking shaking.
“So it’s true?” Frankie frowns.
“They’re launching an investigation,” I grumble. “To prove that the
account belonged to me, and that I was making the videos on school
property.”
“And if they find it?” She blinks over wide eyes.
I shrug. “Then I’ll be expelled. And so will anyone who… participated.” I
give her a solemn look. “If they can identify that person…”
“But I thought you said the guy you were with doesn’t go here?” Zeb
jumps in.
 I stare at him for a second. “He doesn’t. I’m just… saying…”
“This is fucked…” Frankie rubs her face.
“Well, maybe they won’t figure out it was you,” Zeb tries with the
positivity. “The account is closed, so it’s not like they can access any of your
content. All they probably have are screengrabs from whoever the fuck has
been ratting you out.”
“Yea, and that’s another thing,” I grunt, aggressively brushing my hair
out of my eyes. “Who the fuck is giving them all this information?? I mean,
what have I done to anyone in this school? I’m basically invisible. Why do
they want to take me down so bad?”
“Jealousy is a bitch,” Zeb sighs. Straightening his shoulders, he takes me
by the arm. “Let’s not worry about this right now. I need to dress you up and
make you all pretty for the ball!”
I can’t help but laugh. I love this kid for making me smile when
everything in my life is crashing down around me.
“It’s not a ball.” I roll my eyes, grinning. “It’s a banquet. I hope you
didn’t bring over a fucking tuxedo for me to wear…”
“No, no. Nothing like that.” He smirks. “Just my best Burberry suit,
which you’ll look super hot in.”
I’m really not in the mood to get dressed up right now. But there’s no
stopping Zeb where fashion is concerned. I might as well just sit back and let
him do whatever he wants to me. It’s what he’ll end up doing anyway.
“Ohhh my God, it’s gonna be like Cinderella!” he squeals, walking me
into Frankie’s bedroom, where a garment bag is hanging up over her closet.
“Baldwin the Eagle, who everyone’s been shitting on all season, shows up
stunning in designer labels, like the belle of the ball!”
My brows zip together and my lips slant into a frown. “Who’s been
shitting on me all season??”
“I’m just saying,” he rasps. “You’re the underdog. No one probably even
expects you to show up. And then bam! In you strut, looking fucking
gorgeous. That’ll show that grumpy stepbrother of yours.”
At the mention of Kyran, I gulp. “Kyran won’t care…”
“Oh, yes, he will,” Zeb croons, unzipping the bag to reveal a suit that is
so not me. But I’ll admit, it’s very nice. He peeks at me, lips curved
wickedly. “I think he likes you.”
My spine stiffens. “What makes you say that??”
“Girlfriend, he ripped Ash off you last night like a wild beast protecting
his territory from an intruder.”
“Yea…” I sigh, rubbing my face. “I was afraid that was how it looked…”
When I glance up, Zeb is gawking at me. “You’ve already hooked up
with him, haven’t you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I huff, avoiding a lie by not actually answering the
question.
Frankie wanders into the room with a bottle of Prosecco, and Zeb points
at her accusingly. “And you knew, didn’t you?!”
Her forehead lines. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“It’s elementary, my dear Watson.” Zeb starts prancing around in front of
us like he’s cracked the case. “Micah told me he saw Kyran leaving your
bedroom the night of your Halloween party, after which he high-tailed it out
of the party. Just like someone who just had their first gay experience
would.”
I chuckle and shake my head.
“And the only other people in the room were you two,” he goes on,
spinning to face us, pinning Frankie with a look. “Which means, you must
have gotten a front-row seat to watch the two of them do a li’l rub-n-tug.”
“You’re the biggest fool on the planet,” Frankie scoffs.
“I’m not done.” He aims that devious grin at me. “I also happen to
remember another time Kyran slunk out of a room all flush-faced… The
bathroom at Theo’s party. And who should exit said bathroom only moments
later, grinning like he just got himself some secret quarterback dick?” He
swoops a hand in my direction. “Our own little Avi Vega.”
Narrowing my gaze at him, I force myself not to react. “Can we not do
this right now? I have no interest in your half-cocked theories.”
“Oh, but they’re not half-cocked at all, are they, princess?” he sneers.
“They’re fully cocked.” He steps in front of me and bends to make eye
contact. “All of this has been going on right under our noses the whole time.
So only one question remains…” I roll my eyes again, chuckling at how extra
he is. “Who is really co-starring in all those videos with you? Someone who
started out just a little curious, but turned into a beautiful, big-dicked fiend for
our darling Backwardz_Cap.”
Pursing my lips, I start the slow clap, to which his grin widens. “Great
job, Sherlock.” Then I squint up at him and murmur, “Prove it.”
“I won’t stop until I do, you bisexual mastermind.”
I toss my head back in laughter that feels really good right now. All the
stress lately has been weighing on me… Things with me and Kyran,
constantly second-guessing myself, school, and money, and the fans.
I forgot how good it feels to just laugh with my crazy friends.
“Okay, if we’re done playing detective,” Frankie mutters, popping the
bottle and pouring us each a glass. “We need to get ready.”
“Guys, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to get in,” I interject. “If the dean
is there, she’ll tell them to bounce my ass, since I’m suspended and all.”
“Trust me, dear,” Zeb says, sipping his drink while fussing with my hair.
“I wouldn’t get you all dolled up for nothing. We’re gonna sneak you in.”
He peeks at Frankie, and she smirks.
I force a weak smile, but I’m not exactly confident in this plan.
From an eagle suit to glass slippers… Fairy Godmother, take the wheel.
Variable_vers: The way Backwardz_Cap looks at Not_Your_Baby… my heart can’t cope <3
Gary425: Couple goals

This team banquet is huge, and extravagant.

It’s being held in one of the convention rooms in the stadium, and the
whole place is decked out with lights and opulent decor. Tables are draped in
white cloths, with red rose centerpieces sprayed with gold glitter to reflect the
BC colors. There’s a dance floor, and a stage set up where the band will play
a few songs. Outside of that, a DJ is currently spinning soft music while
people file in, dressed in their fanciest attire.
My teammates, staff, some faculty and family members are all here to
celebrate the Eagles’s achievements this season. And give us one final night
of praise before we leave for California.
A send-off party, before the most important game we’ve ever played.
My dad and Hannah texted that they’ll be here soon. I’m wearing my best
Tom Ford suit. My hair is perfectly slicked back the way it needs to be, and
there’s a small smile resting on my lips for each and every person who comes
up to shake my hand, congratulating me on an incredible season. To wish me
luck… not that you need it.
That’s what they all say. And I appreciate it, their votes of confidence. I
certainly don’t intend on losing the Rose Bowl, but truthfully, the game is
only the second thing on my mind right now.
The first still hasn’t shown up.
Caterers walk around with cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, and I manage to
sneak an Old Fashioned to calm my nerves. Coach is looking the other way
tonight about us drinking. As long as we don’t get sloppy and embarrass him,
he doesn’t care.
And honestly, I sort of need it right now. Every time a new person walks
through the double-doors, my heart hurdles up into my throat.
Calm down. He’ll be here… I’m sure he will.
I’ve just finished chatting with our assistant coach and his wife when
Guty strides over, looking very cartel capo in his white suit.
“Yo, did you hear??” he whispers, and my brows knit.
“Hear what?”
He ushers me off to the side, away from anyone who could overhear us.
“Avi got suspended.”
Every muscle in my body goes stiff. “What?!”
“Yea… I guess he started an OnlyFans, and somehow the dean found
out.”
I’m sure I’ve never been paler. I’m just gawking at him with bulging eyes
while my entire life flashes before them.
“If she can prove it was definitely him, and he was doing it on campus,
he’s gonna get expelled.” Guty shakes his head.
“R-really…?” It feels like I’m swallowing a mouthful of gravel. I can’t
even move. I’m racked with so much fear and unease, my feet are weighted
to the floor. “How… Who… Who ratted on him??”
“Get this.” Guty’s eyes flick. “Ash Holloway… is Dean Perkins’s
nephew.”
My fist curls at my side. “Are you fucking serious??”
He nods. “Yea, bro. I guarantee he has something to do with this.”
“But why would he fuck Avi over??” I shake my head. “It makes no
sense.”
Guty shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe he’s butthurt that Avi rejected him or
something.”
“But they were… kissing last night.” I gulp over the way the words feel
like bile rising in my throat.
“Yea, until you pulled him off.” He grins. “Don’t be surprised if he’s
gunning for your ass now too, Nueve.”
This is fucking insane.
I can’t even process it.
Avi is suspended. The dean knows about the OnlyFans. Ash Holloway is a
prick of epic proportions…
 What if he knows I was the one in those videos with Avi?? What if he tells
the dean??
Theo stomps over to us, interrupting my inner meltdown. “Bro,
everyone’s talking about your stepbrother.” He chuckles in fascination. “He’s
like this OnlyFans superstar. I didn’t even know he was gay…”
“He’s bi,” I grumble, then purse my lips. “I guess. I mean, that’s what he
told me…”
“Did you know about the stuff he was doing?” Theo asks, excitedly. He
seems thrilled by all this, and I can’t tell if he just loves the drama or if he
actually thinks it’s awesome that Avi’s been fucking dudes online for money.
Not dudes. Just one dude… Me.
God, this is fucked.
“Excuse me…” Ignoring him, I spin away and pull my phone from my
pocket, typing out a fast text.
Me: Where are you? Are you coming?? I need to see you…
Only a minute goes by before he responds.
Avi: I’m outside…
Avi: I saw Dean Perkins go in and I don’t want her to see me
Me: What the fuck is going on?? You’re suspended?????
Avi: Don’t worry. I’m handling it.
Me: How? How the hell are you going to handle this, Avi?? Everyone knows
He doesn’t respond, and my heart is jumping frantically inside my chest.
Stalking toward the door, I’m all set to sneak outside to go find him. But I
bump into my father and stepmother instead.
“Son!” My dad smiles wide, grabbing my shoulder. “Great to see you.”
I’m distracted from giving him a bewildered look when Hannah pulls me
in for a tight hug. “This is so exciting, Kyran! The Rose Bowl, my God…”
She releases me, holding me at arm’s length and grinning. “I can’t believe my
stepson is a famous football star!”
“I’m hardly famous…” I rub the back of my neck. “Hey, did you see—”
My words are cut off when I spot Frankie and Zeb slinking past us into
the room, their bodies huddled together to form a shield in front of my
stepbrother, who’s crouched and shuffling in behind them.
“Avi,” I whisper, leaving Dad and Hannah to follow them.
“Shhh!” Zeb gasps at me. “We’re trying to sneak him past the dean.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I grunt, my eyes stuck on Avi while he hides behind
his friends. “Everyone is talking about him. He won’t be in here for two
seconds before someone spots him and makes a scene.”
Avi’s gaze flits up to mine and he blinks. There’s so much in that one
look, it’s like an entire conversation. One I’m dying to have with him. But
now I can’t, because there’s too much heat…
I just wanted to see him, but not like this. Not with all these prying eyes
watching our every move. It’s too much pressure.
“Members of the band are required backstage to set up!” someone yelps
at Frankie and Zeb, grabbing them and ushering them away.
“Goddamnit…” Zeb huffs, following the guy while shooting Avi an
apologetic look.
“Good luck, bae.” Frankie shrugs as they’re whisked off.
And now Avi is just standing out in the open, his head sloping left and
right as people immediately begin to notice him.
My nervous gaze slides over his frame, and for a second, I completely
forget about all the bullshit going on… Because he looks incredible.
He’s wearing a three-piece suit, and a very dapper one, I might add. Slim,
black, and sort of shimmery, with a gray dress shirt underneath and a vest.
His tie is skinny and hot pink, because this is Avi we’re talking about… He’s
also wearing Chucks, not dress shoes, and his nails are painted black, hair
mussed up in his signature look that fits him so well.
He looks every bit like the emo kid forced to put on a suit, and God, it’s
really working for him. I can picture him on stage singing some My
Chemical Romance song I’m sure he knows all the words to.
My lips part, because I want to tell him all these things… Or even just say
hi, because I haven’t stopped thinking about him for one second since last
night.
With the craziest wave of need crashing over me, I’m reaching out like I
want to hold his hand. I’ve completely forgotten that we’re surrounded by
people and drama and impending doom.
I’m just staring at him, and he’s staring at me like he wants the same
thing I do…
To dance with me.
I just want to slow dance with him… Because he never got to in high
school.
Of all the firsts we’ve had together, it feels like one I’m desperate to have
with him.
 But it doesn’t happen that way. Because reality comes bursting through
our bubble as the hushed murmurs of my teammates, cheerleaders, and
onlookers attack my ears.
“He’s the one… with the OnlyFans,” someone whispers.
“That’s Backwardz_Cap!” another person quietly exclaims.
“I heard he did it all on campus…” The words are surrounding us, just
like the group that’s now forming.
“But who’s Not_Your_Baby??”
I’m quaking from head to toe, my gut clenching up like a fist.
It’s all over… I can feel it.
This will be the end of everything.
“Avi, my darling boy!” Hannah strides over in her black dress, hugging
her son, fully unaware that we’re standing in the eye of the storm.
“Looking sharp.” My father grins and slaps him on the back.
“Oh, boy…” Avi rubs the back of his neck, his eyes pinging between our
parents and the rest of the party, most of whom are staring at him. “I was
really hoping you guys wouldn’t be here for this…”
Hannah’s forehead lines in concern. “Here for what?”
“Mr. Vega.” Dean Perkins saunters over, folding her arms over her chest.
“I’m sorry to have to do this, but being suspended means you’re prohibited
from attending school functions.”
“Suspended?!” Hannah gasps.
“Avi, what is she talking about?” my dad barks.
Avi glances at me. My mouth is still hanging open, but I have absolutely
no idea what to say. I don’t even think I could form words right now if I tried.
“Dean, what’s going on?” Coach Matthews stomps over.
“Avi’s been suspended,” she whispers to him. “He shouldn’t be here.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Coach says. “Avi’s a member of our
team. Just let him stay for the banquet.”
“I’m afraid I can’t allow that.” She stands her ground. “Not with
allegations like these…”
“What allegations??” my father hisses.
“Avi, what’s going on?” Hannah takes Avi by the arm, her face dripping
with unease.
“Mom, let’s go outside and talk,” Avi murmurs, then looks to Coach and
the dean. “Thanks, Coach, but it’s alright. I’ll leave.”
“Don’t make him leave!” Guty shouts out.
 “Let the pornstar stay!” someone else hollers.
The crowd erupts in gasps and some laughter.
Avi’s eyes have never been wider, but he honestly doesn’t look mortified.
But I am.
I’m fucking shaking right now. This is all too close for comfort.
How do these people know everything?? Is it all because of Ash fucking
Holloway?
And if so, that asshole better watch his back.
“Did they just say pornstar??” Hannah croaks, yanking Avi hard by the
arm until he stumbles. “Why are they calling you a pornstar, Aviel?!”
Avi actually chuckles, fingers digging into his eyes as he shakes his head
like he just doesn’t know what to say or do.
“This is not the time or place for any of this,” Dean Perkins grumbles,
motioning toward the door. “Why don’t we all step outside…”
“Avi, where’s Not_Your_Baby?!” someone shouts out from the crowd.
“We wanna know!”
I’m gnawing on my bottom lip so hard, I taste blood.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Avi grunts, running his hands through his hair.
“Dean Perkins, I admit it, okay?? It was me. I made the OnlyFans and I did it
on school property.”
A bunch of people gasp, and a few actually cheer.
“Avi… Don’t,” I whisper to him with fear and guilt weaving through my
chest.
I don’t want him to take the fall for all of this. He shouldn’t have to suffer
the consequences alone when we’re both responsible.
But he just peeks at me and murmurs, “It’s okay. I’ve got this. It’s fine.”
He clears his throat, returning to the dean. “It was my account.”
Dean Perkins’s jaw tightens visibly. “And the… other parties?”
“Just random human beings,” he says firmly. “Not students of this school.
And all well over the age of consent, which is seventeen in Massachusetts.”
He smirks.
“You realize you’ll be expelled…” Dean Perkins says, tilting her head.
“Permanently.”
Avi nods. “That’s fine. Because I don’t regret it.” His eyes shift to mine,
and he whispers, “Best thing I’ve ever done.”
My heart thumps, a warm heat enveloping my heart while I just stand still
and stare at him.
 I can’t believe he’s doing this for me.
He’s getting himself expelled… Taking all this heat. For me.
“What the hell is going on here??” my father barks.
“Avi… what did you do?” Hannah scolds quietly.
“Alright, Mr. Vega…” the dean sighs, ushering him out of the room.
“Let’s go.”
And the strangest thing happens. People start cheering.
As Avi is walked out of the banquet, theoretically dejected and disgraced
for what he’s done, the entire team, the cheerleaders, fellow students,
everyone is clapping and whistling for our resident pornstar.
The faculty and staff all look beyond baffled by what’s going on. And
Avi is just grinning, his usual blasé attitude intact as he waves goodbye.
Before Hannah smacks him on the arm.
I’m about to follow them. Because I’m part of the family, so it’s not
unreasonable for me to go after him in this case… Right?
But I’m stopped by people swarming me. My teammates and other
students, all berating me with questions about my stepbrother.
“Did you know??”
“Have you seen his videos??”
“Will he bring back the account?”
“Have you met Not_Your_Baby??”
“Is that his real-life boyfriend??”
I’m fucking shocked at how many of them actually know about this.
There’s no way this is all a result of Ash Holloway’s flapping lips.
They seem like… fans.
Fans of Backwardz_Cap and Not_Your_Baby.
And for the first time since we took down the account, I actually regret it.
It turns out Avi was right all along. These people aren’t just in it for the
sex. They’re fans of us as a couple.
And I think I can definitely relate.
“Alright, alright.” Coach bursts into the swarm around me, forcing
everyone to disperse. “I never thought I’d have to say this at a football
banquet, but that’s enough talk of porn for one evening,” he scoffs, shaking
his head. “Let’s get back to the football, please, people.”
Everyone wanders off, whispering amongst themselves. Guty and Theo
stay by my side, until Coach shoots Theo a look that has him following the
man.
 My eyes linger on him for a moment, before Guty distracts me by shaking
my shoulders. “Dude, your stepbrother is loco, and I’m living for it!”
I have to chuckle while we walk over to get more drinks, my gaze flitting
back to the doors. “I didn’t know you were so into gay OnlyFans…”
“Hey, I didn’t subscribe or anything.” He grins. “You know who I think
did, though…?”
I peer at him. “Who??”
He nods in Theo’s direction. Looking back over to Theo, I watch as he
stands next to Coach, the two of them sharing some sort of hushed
conversation. Then Coach’s wife walks over, pulling his attention to her
while Theo shifts on his feet, lingering and gulping back a drink.
Why would Theo watch Avi’s videos…?
It’s interesting, and I’m thinking about what I’m seeing for a moment, but
more than anything, my eyes won’t stop returning to the door. Hoping like
hell Avi will come back in here, even though I know he won’t.
The band sets up to play, and food is being passed around, but I’m not
interested in any of it. I just want to go find Avi.
I still need to talk to him. I can’t let it end like this…
With him taking the blame and just leaving, thinking I don’t… Without
knowing that I…
Huffing out of stress and nerves and some tingling thrill, I hold my phone
down on my lap, and type out a text to him.
Me: Please tell me you didn’t leave…
Minutes go by, but finally he responds.
Avi: Just talking my mom off a ledge
I chuckle.
Me: I need to see you again…
Me: We didn’t get to talk
Avi: I know. Maybe you can come by Frankie’s after?
Shaking my head, I chew on my lip while my mind runs. I can’t let him
go.
Not this time… All dressed up and in need of a dance.
I look around the room. Everyone is paying attention to the food, and to
Coach as he strides up onto the stage.
They might not even notice if I slipped away…
“I want to thank you all for being here tonight,” Coach speaks into the
microphone, and I type out a final text. “This is a monumental moment for
our team. And I just have to say how proud I am of these guys.”
Me: Meet me in the back by the locker rooms in ten minutes
“Making it this far takes guts. Talent and determination, yes,” Coach goes
on. “But most of all, it takes endurance. You boys have displayed more
strength, teamwork, and tenacity than any team I’ve ever had the pleasure of
coaching.”
We all gaze up at the stage, at our coach commending us with his
powerful words.
“And I know you’re not done yet. Not even close.” He grins and lifts his
glass. “So let’s all raise a glass… To the BC Eagles, and our championship.”
Everyone shouts here here! And we drink, bursts of applause ringing out
through the room. I peek at Guty, who’s looking up at the stage, and Theo,
who’s draining his glass.
I love playing alongside these guys; my friends. I love the game and I
love being able to win for them.
But right now, football is still second in my mind.
I need to go find who’s first.

What a freaking shitshow, man.

I finally managed to calm my mother and Tom down enough to get them
to go back inside and get something to eat. That was a challenge.
Mom is pissed, understandably. I mean, I’m expelled from a respectable
college for making porn. Not exactly every mother’s dream for her son.
But I just told her the truth… I don’t really care about school.
I never have. I’ve never been a good student, or enjoyed learning about
things that don’t interest me. And that doesn’t mean I’m uneducated. It just
means my interests lie in other things. But more importantly, I just don’t feel
like I fit in here, which really leads me to reflect on why exactly I thought BC
was a good idea in the first place.
Of course Tom didn’t get it, but whatever. It’s not really his place to,
especially now that I’m paying for my own education.
And that was the other part that almost gave my mother a coronary…
The Fans.
Thankfully, they don’t know the details of the account, because I’m not
totally comfortable coming out to my mother in front of Tom. He’s, like… so
Catholic. I’d rather tell my mom that I’m bisexual when it’s just the two of
us, saving my stepdad’s man shall not lie with another man speech for
another time. Or never.
So I just told them that it was only one person, which is true, sparing any
gender questions. And that we were safe, and everything is fine.
And then I shooed them away, insisting that they were going to miss the
food, and Frankie and Zeb playing music, and that I’m fine and I’ll talk to
them later. It was a minor miracle that they agreed to leave it for now, and I
think a lot of it had to do with them wanting to support Kyran, because it’s a
big night for him.
But I guess Kyran doesn’t care all that much about his big night…
Because he just texted me to meet him alone.
Waiting until the coast is clear, I stealthily creep back into the building
through the entrance by the locker rooms. I follow the long hall, peeking into
rooms here and there to see if I can find Kyran. I figured he might be in the
locker room, where we kissed that time while I was in my Baldwin suit… But
he’s not there. Still, the memory brings a flutter to my belly, remembering
how much he used to push me away, and how much I’m fucking pleading
with any force that will listen that maybe he’s done doing that.
The further in I get, the louder the music becomes, and at this point, I
think I’m pretty much right on the other side of a dividing wall between the
banquet and the rest of the convention area. Stepping up to a set of double-
doors, I push one open and my jaw drops.
It’s just a big, open space; a room used to keep sports equipment and
whatnot. But there are lights strung up around the outer edges, draped over
furniture, giving the space a dull glow to make up for the lack of overhead
lighting.
Wandering inside the dimly lit room, I’m spinning around, searching for
Kyran while marveling at whatever the heck this is. I hear something rustling,
and I turn to find him walking over from a corner, a soft smile on his lips and
something in his hand.
“Hey…” My voice comes out sort of breathy, and his grin widens.
“Hi.” He reaches me, but doesn’t stop until he’s in my space and he’s
taking my hand. “I made you something.”
My mouth curves while I gape at him, restless nerves bouncing inside me
as he fastens something to my jacket. I squint at it, forehead lined in
perplexity.
“Is that a… flower?” I mumble, and he laughs softly.
“I made you a boutonniere out of a napkin,” Kyran says, almost timidly.
Then he hands me another one. “This one’s mine.” I’m just gawking at him,
totally stunned, as he whispers, “You have to pin it on me, baby.”
My lashes flutter for another few seconds before I snap into movement
and do it, pinning a rumpled little napkin flower to his jacket while I ask,
“What… What is this?”
He leans in close to my ear, squeezing my shivering hand in his. “Thank
you for coming to prom with me, Avi.”
I think I might literally be falling down if he wasn’t standing close
enough to hold me up. He’s… asking me to prom? My first prom…
He made a prom for me??
“You did this…?” I glance around at the lights.
“I know… pretty corny,” he huffs.
“Uh-uh.” I shake my head firmly, and he peeks at me. “It’s fucking
perfect, Kyran.”
His hazel eyes twinkle like the lights around us, smile beaming with
elation. He tugs my hand to rest on his chest, sealing our bodies together
while his other hand rests on my lower back.
And he hums, “Dance with me.”
The band is playing some song I vaguely recognize on the other side of
the wall; a slow song that reminds me of people dancing beneath the
moonlight in the movies.
Without even thinking, I’m holding his chest while he holds my waist,
and starts to move.
But I’m still stiff, because I have no idea what I’m doing. “Ky… I don’t
slow dance. I’ve never done it before…”
“I know.” He chuckles. “I don’t care. I just wanna be close to you.”
 My fucking heart… It’s floating weightlessly inside me like a balloon as I
lean into him, resting my body on his strength and his size. My face tucks
into the crook of his neck so he doesn’t see how badly I’m blushing like a
lovestruck fool.
My first slow dance… My own prom… With the quarterback of the
football team as my date.
Jeez, I’m like every nerdy girl in every high school movie right now.
But I love it. I don’t even care, I’m in fucking love with it, because I’m in
love with him, and fuck, I can’t believe I ever thought I could stop it from
happening.
Kyran moves us slowly to the music, barely stepping, more like rocking
us together, his fingers trailing up and down my back.
“You look so gorgeous…” he whispers in between sniffing me, and I
can’t stop smiling. “When I saw you tonight, my heart stopped.”
“Okay, you’re killing me with all this,” I rumble, and he chuckles. “I’m
serious. Who are you, and what have you done with my grouchy
stepbrother??”
A hum vibrates from his chest into mine. Then he pulls back to look at
me. “Be serious with me, Avi.”
“I am…” I rasp. “I mean, I’m shocked. Surprised and… blown away that
you did this for me. I just wasn’t expecting it, I guess.” I pause to gulp, and
contemplate if I really want to say this. “I never know what to expect from
you, Kyran.”
“I know…” he murmurs, regretfully. “And I’m sorry. About
everything…”
“You don’t need to be sorry,” I tell him honestly. “I get it.”
“No. I do, and I am,” he says firmly. “I’m sorry for making it about me
with the Fans. I’m sorry for not coming over to talk to you when it was
killing me not to. I’m sorry for acting like an asshole last night, and I’m so
fucking sorry you got expelled trying to protect me. I didn’t want that. And I
barely even care about my reputation if it means you have to leave…”
“Ky, stop.” I brush my fingers through his hair. “I don’t care about being
expelled.” He cocks an eyebrow, and I chuckle softly. “I mean it. I don’t. I
don’t need to go to this school to do what I want to do. And honestly…” My
voice trails, and I bite my lip. “Jesus, this is gonna make me sound so
pathetic, but… the only reason I’m here in the first place is… because of
you.”
 The look on his face is twisting me up. I can’t tell if he’s stunned by what
I’m saying because I am, in fact, that obsessive stalker he accused me of
being for following him to BC… Or if this revelation is making him happy.
“Avi…” he whimpers, stopping his swaying to stare at me as his fingers
dig into my back. “Tell me what you’re saying…”
“I’m saying…” I breathe a sigh of confession, “It was never for the
money, or for BC… Or for the fans. It was for you, Kyran. For fucking you,
and that’s it. Every single thing I did… I did for you. To have you.”
He swallows, eyes rounded and shining nervous delight.
“Maybe I didn’t know it at first…” I keep going. “But the truth is that it
could have been anyone in those videos with me. But I wanted you. I think I
have for a long time… I didn’t understand it, but you hating me just made me
want to chase you. And then you started coming to me. And you’re just the
best, most unexpected thing that’s ever showed up at my door.”
Kyran’s lips shiver on an anxious exhale. “I don’t think I can fight it
anymore, Avi…”
My breathing shallows. “Fight what?”
“Us…” The gold and green in eyes glow, offering me a timid sparkle.
“Baby, I think I’m in love with you,” he whispers on my lips, dropping his
forehead to mine, clutching onto my body for dear life. Like he’s afraid if he
lets go for one second, I’ll float away.
I’m trembling all over, crumbling from his words, and his feel, and the
endless aching emotion he’s giving me.
The hot grouchy blonde, whose hate for me, this whole time, was just an
unavoidable chemistry.
I can’t help it… I’m tripping up, my mouth quivering on his and my
hands just touching him everywhere I can reach.
Until he growls, “Say it back, Avi. Don’t be a jerk.”
I laugh, and he grins, brushing his lips with mine. “Just let me revel in
this a little more…”
“Fuck off,” he hisses, teasing, though I think a part of him might be
scared that I don’t…
As if there’s any fucking way I couldn’t.
“I’m in love with you,” I murmur, and his body shudders in my hands.
“And I’m pretty sure I have been since the moment we met.”
He lets out a soft sound, like relief, and joy, fear and excitement all in one
perfect little sigh. “But I was so mean to you…” His voice shakes. It’s the
sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.
I nod. “I know… I might be a masochist.”
He laughs, and I’m standing at the edge of something terrifyingly
beautiful.
“Tell me the truth…” I rasp, and his head tilts. “Did you come in your
pants that night at Frankie’s because of me?”
He growls a stubborn noise, fingers sliding up my neck into my hair. But
then he nods, and bites his lip. “I thought you were gonna kiss me…”
My foot slips off. And I plummet.
“I fucking knew I should have, baby,” I hum, fisting his jacket lapels and
pulling his mouth to mine. I’ll never make that mistake again.
The music plays while we dance, and kiss, and breathe together…
Falling into love, with wind rushing and windows all around us.
simsimma: Backwardz_Cap giving his baby snuggles to turn him less grumpy is all I want
to see for the rest of my life
steph_be_simpin: what’s happening to my knees *kneeling emoji*

This morning, when I wake up, everything is different.

It’s not the first time I’ve woken up thinking about Avi… Not by a long
shot. But it’s the first time I haven’t immediately pushed it down; stuffed it
away into the back of my mind like old clutter.
It’s the first time having him in my brain right when I open my eyes has
brought a smile to my lips and warmth to every inch of my flesh.
It’s the first time I’ve admitted inside my own head that I wish he were
here right now.
My thoughts are overflowing with images of last night, feelings and
sensations.
His lips dancing down my throat while he whispered, “I love you,
Kyran.”
My fingers twisting in his hair while I purred, “I love you, Avi…”
The urgency that seemed to ding between us like a timer as we snuck off
into a dark corner of the room and he fell to his knees.
I’m biting my lip, writhing in bed, remembering it…
Him opening my pants and stuffing my cock impatiently between his lips.
“I fucking missed you…” I told him through gasps, trying my hardest to
be quiet while he sucked my cock slowly and hungrily, touching me
everywhere his hands could reach. “God, I missed you so bad, baby…”
We were ravenous in the way we were pawing at each other, panting and
grunting and knocking things over. Knowing someone could find us at any
moment didn’t subdue my arousal one bit. As it does, it just made it that
much hotter.
My fingers are trailing over my sensitive skin while I remember spilling
into his mouth, and him swallowing me back with desperate gulps. Then he
stood up and kissed me, feeding me his tongue coated in my own flavor while
I shoved my hand inside his pants.
“I wish we could fuck right now,” I whimpered as he spun me around to
grind his length against my ass through our designer suits.
“It’s probably good that we can’t,” he breathed hoarsely, sounding so
fucking sexy I’m going out of my mind right now hearing it in my head. “I
don’t want to rush, baby. And I don’t want to be quiet. I want to spend all
night with my cock in you, making you scream how much you love me.”
“I do love you.” I pushed back against him, bumping him into even more
furniture as I turned back around, dropping to my knees to kiss the shape of
his big dick through his tailored pants. “So much…”
I’m whining for him now, my cock full and achy at the memories of him
gazing down at me, eyes glistening in the dark, his long fingers sifting
through my hair.
“Fuck my mouth until you come in me,” I pleaded up at him from the
floor.
And he did. Oh God, he did.
It was so sexy, him fucking my throat up against the wall, his hand
cupping the back of my head to keep it from bashing into the plaster. It was
only a matter of minutes before he was writhing into my face, growling that
he was…
“Gonna come… oh fuck, Kyran, baby, I’m coming.”
Reaching down to my cock, I palm it a few times, slipping my hand
inside my sweatpants to stroke it slowly at all these illicit memories.
I should have just gone to see him at Frankie’s last night…
We could be waking up and doing this together, instead of me missing
him like a phantom limb in my bed.
My phone pings, and I peek at it where it’s resting next to me.
Avi: Are you as hard as I am right now?
A crazed grin sweeps over my lips, and I start typing out a response. But
then I delete it and call him instead.
He picks up on the first ring. “How did I know you were awake and
probably fondling yourself…”
I chuckle, then groan, rolling onto my stomach with a pout. “I miss
you…”
“I know. I miss you too… Like crazy.”
“Can I see you today? Before I leave?” My tone is downright pleading
and I don’t even care.
“Baby, I think I’m leaving before you,” he huffs.
I’m pouting, but excitement still fizzles in my gut.
Avi’s coming to California for the Rose Bowl. But not as part of the
team… He’s coming for me. He told me last night that he bought his ticket
months ago.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, superstar,” he said while we kissed over
and over, slowly attempting to detach from one another so I could go back to
the banquet before people started freaking out.
“Will you be okay with not… telling people about us until after?” I
mumbled, feeling like a total chicken-shit loser for even suggesting we keep
hiding it. “I just wanna focus on the game. I don’t want everyone spazzing
and ruining my concentration.”
But Avi just grinned, that comforting, calming smile I used to hate
because of how good it makes him look. “I can’t believe you’re even talking
about telling people.” He shook his head while he straightened my tie. “I’m
in no rush for anything, baby. I just wanna be with you. Nothing else
matters.”
Biting my lip, I ask him, “What time is your flight?”
“Six. You?”
“Seven-thirty.” I frown. “We’re gonna just miss each other.”
“That’s okay,” he hums easily. “I’ve gotta go move the rest of my stuff
out of the dorm and into Frankie’s, anyway.”
“Right… Well, when you see that asshole Ash Holloway, make sure to
punch him in the face for me.”
Avi chuckles. “We don’t know it was him who told the dean…”
“Uh, yes, we do. He’s her fucking nephew… Plus, he’s clearly in love
with you.”
“Then why would he want to get me kicked out of the dorm we live in
together?” I can hear the grin in his voice.
“Because he sucks, and he’s jealous.”
“Because he knows I belong to someone else…?” he whispers, and my
balls throb. “The person who christened that dorm room with me…”
My lips curl into a smirk, remembering all the good times we had in
TMA room 446. It’s a shame he has to move out. But I’m sure we can
christen all kinds of different places… Now that we’re stupidly in love.
“I don’t want to think about him anymore.” I flop onto my back. “Or the
fact that you’re expelled.”
“You’re right,” he hums firmly. “No more stress. Let’s think about good
things.”
“You’re finally going to meet Bridget…” I murmur, worrying my bottom
lip.
No stress… Pfft. I know of no such concept.
“I can’t wait,” he croons.
“Avi…” I whisper, choking up a bit because this is all still new and
confusing for me, despite how fucking incredible it feels. “My head is
spinning, baby. Is this real? Tell me I’m not dreaming…”
He chuckles, a growly, sexy laugh that throbs my balls. “I think I’m the
one who should be asking you that… ’Cause this has been real for me for a
while. No offense, but I’ve been waiting for you to catch up.”
I swallow hard. “I know… I’m sorry I was pushing you away for so
long.”
“You’re worth the wait, gorgeous,” he sighs. “And it hasn’t been that
long. We’ve only been doing this for a few months.”
“Maybe it feels longer… because I liked you when I thought I hated you.”
“That’s what I was waiting for,” he hums. I can hear the grin in his voice,
and it makes me laugh.
“Avi, I don’t know how to do this…” I confess my insecurities to him.
And to be honest, it feels fucking great. He’s just so easy to talk to… You’d
think telling him everything would be a piece of cake. “I’m kinda scared.”
“You have every right to be,” he murmurs supportively. “I told you last
night, Kyran… No one has to know anything until you’re ready. I don’t care,
I just want you.”
I’m nodding like he can see me… But in my gut, I feel like it’s not right.
He deserves someone who’s strong enough to kiss him in front of the world.
He deserves surety, certainty.
No doubts… And I seem to be full of them.
But not about him… About myself.
“Ky, I don’t do relationships either,” he breathes into the phone. “You
know that. I’ve never done this before, with anyone. And you’ve never done
it with a guy. So the way I see it, we’re going through this together. Again.”
My lips curl. “So you’re saying… I’m your first?”
He laughs, shivering my insides with how damn good it sounds. “Yes,
baby. You’re my first. And I’m yours.”
I’m getting all squirmy again as I purr, “I’m so yours…”
The sound of Guty stomping back inside the dorm pulls Cupid’s arrow
out of my ass, and I shoot up in bed, tugging the comforter over my waist.
“Yo, Nueve! Up and at ’em, baby boy!” Guty shouts at me from the
living room. “It’s gym time! Then we gotta wrap that arm…”
“Was he in the room the whole time??” Avi mumbles.
“No, he just got back,” I whisper, sitting still for a moment, waiting for
my dick to deflate so I can get up. But it’s not really getting the message. I
blame Avi and his sexy morning voice. “I gotta go… Just being on the phone
with you is making me hard, and I need not to be.”
He chuckles wickedly. “You better figure out a way to see me tonight. I
don’t think I’ll be able to last until after the game…”
“Trust me, I need your dick just as bad.” I peer at the door to make sure
Guty isn’t within earshot. “It’s my good luck charm.”
“Well then… I’ll be ready and waiting in California. At your service,
superstar,” he croons.
“I’ll call you when I land,” I hum, finally sliding out of bed. “You should
come have dinner with Bridget and me.”
“Nothing would make me happier.”
“’Kay…” I bite my lip, because I really don’t want to hang up, and it’s
fucking ludicrous.
“Say it first, Kyran,” he whispers in my ear.
I roll my eyes, but my smile is seriously bordering on psychotic. “I love
you, Avi.”
“Mmm… I love you, HGB.”
“You’re an annoying idiot.” I bite the grin off my lips, and he laughs.
“That’s my man.”
Hanging up the phone, my head is freaking twirling off my body like the
Tasmanian Devil. I can barely process the revelation of the past forty-eight
hours…
After everything Avi and I have been through, finally admitting that the
hate was never really hate, and that the fear was covering up love… it threw
me completely off kilter. It’s absolutely insane the way it just smacked me in
the face. But as soon as it did, it was like a blindfold had been lifted from my
eyes.
I can see it all so clearly now.
I’m gay, and I’m in love with my stepbrother.
There it is.
Wow… This must be what really great drugs feel like.
“What the hell are you smiling about in here, man??” Guty staggers past
me into the room, going for his gym bag. “We’re burning daylight!”
“Sorry,” I grunt, forcing myself to sound normal, and not like someone
who’s totally in love with his stepbrother.
Getting dressed in my workout gear, I follow Guty to the gym, looking to
burn off some of this excess energy before we board our flight to Cali.
Tomorrow will be a huge day… Biggest game of my life.
And for the first time ever, it really feels like I have someone to win for.

By the time I’m settled in the hotel in Pasadena, the high from earlier has
worn off a little, and I’m fucking annoyed about it.
I don’t want to be feeling all nervous and bunched up and uneasy, but I
can’t help it. On top of everything else that’s happening right now, I’m seeing
my sister for the first time in six years, and it’s fucking me up a lot.
Of course I miss her like crazy. Bridget and I were super close before she
left… Especially when we were little. Sure, I was her annoying little brother,
and she was my mean big sister who used to dress me up in her clothes and
put makeup on me. But that’s just your standard sibling stuff, really.
Outside of that, she was my protector. My best friend. When it was clear
that our parents were too involved in themselves, Dad with his work and
Mom with her country club friends, Bridget looked after me. We used to play
together every day after school, until she became a teenager and her friends
took priority over family.
She’s never said it to me, but I think she harbors a lot of guilt after what
happened. Because she wasn’t around to keep me safe.
 But it wasn’t her fault. What could she have done, anyway?
That’s kind of why I want to talk to her alone first, before she meets Avi.
I want to make sure she knows we don’t need to get into all that… stuff. The
past. Especially with Avi around. I can’t have her bringing up things he
doesn’t know…
Because more than any of the rest of it, I can’t deal with Avi finding out
the truth. It’ll change everything.
Unfortunately, my Uber pulls up at the restaurant where we’re meeting
for dinner at the same time that Avi is hopping out of his. Still, I can’t find it
in myself to be bummed that I won’t get to see Bridget alone… Because
Avi’s here.
And he looks perfect.
He’s dressed the way he always is… in ripped black jeans and worn
Converse sneakers. A long-sleeved navy button-down hanging open to reveal
a tank top underneath with holes in strategic places, allowing me to see little
glimpses of olive skin and lines of muscle. His hair is its usual thick, silky
mane of tousled strands, so dark brown it almost looks black. And my fingers
are immediately wiggling with the desire to comb through it while he kisses
me dizzy.
I can still barely believe how easily I’m registering him as fuckhot. I used
to do everything in my power to stuff thoughts like that down; to keep from
noticing him in his every inch of pure masculine, yet somehow pretty,
perfection. But now they just won’t go… Because I don’t want them to.
He’s gorgeous, and when he spots me, the slight curve to his lips eases
into a full-blown Avi smile; pearly white teeth, plush pink lips… The works.
And I feel lucky. I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the whole world,
being the one he smiles at like that.
This is all so new to me… But sneaking out from the shadowed corners of
my mind, it feels familiar. Because I think I’ve felt this way about him for a
while, and the only difference is that now I’m not running away from it. I’m
letting it envelop me, like his big, strong arms do when he wanders over and
wraps me up in a hug that has my entire existence melting into him.
“God, I fucking missed you so much…” he whispers in my ear,
decorating my neck in a few secret kisses while his hand cups the back of my
head.
My arms lock around his waist and I hold him as close as possible, resting
my head against his. This feeling is such bewildering bliss…
 The muscles in his chest brushing my own, our shared height and
strength, and his smell… The whole thing makes me feel drunk. Taking in a
deep whiff, I hold it in my lungs, mesmerized by how familiar it is.
Amber, bergamot, sandalwood, and burnt hemp. He smells exactly like
the candle Bridget sent me for Christmas. The one she used to burn in her
bedroom, before she moved away.
The scent that calmed me and comforted me when I was choking and
sputtering for air…
Except there’s one difference. Avi also smells like strawberry candy. And
it makes the scent a million times better.
“Baby, you’re shaking.” Avi pulls back to lock his foggy blue eyes on
mine. “Are you cold?”
I shake my head, forcing the anxiety and dread down with a heavy gulp.
“I’m just… I’m so glad you’re here.”
He blinks, the worry on his face retreating into his comfortable little grin.
I can tell from the way his eyes keep lingering on my lips that he wants to
kiss me. And I really want him to…
But we’re out in the open. In public.
I’ve never kissed a guy in public before…
“Let’s go in,” he rumbles, releasing me with a slow sweep of his hands
off my body, like he doesn’t exactly want to stop touching, but he knows he
has to. “I wanna feed you, gorgeous.”
I bite my lip, because that sounds amazing. I’m starving and, for some
unknown reason, I love the idea of him wanting to care for me.
It’s fucking insane… I’m a grown man. I don’t need anyone to fawn over
me. Yet when Avi does it, it makes me feel so special. Like I’m being
cherished by someone who loves me as a man, not just a football player, a
student, or an… object.
“I’m… I’m a little nervous,” I say to him, the words coming up on their
own, like they’re itching to escape the confines of my mind and take refuge
in him. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen my sister.”
“Well, I’m sure she’s really excited to see you, baby,” he tells me calmly.
I nod as he slips his hand subtly onto my lower back, guiding me inside
the restaurant. And all the while, I’m pleading with my subconscious to just
give me a break.
Don’t dredge up the past, please. No unwanted memories, no panic
attacks.
 I don’t want Avi to see me like that.
Inside, Avi gives the hostess my name, which is what our reservation is
under, and she alerts us to the fact that Bridget is already here. She walks us
into the dining area, and my hands are shaking, reaching out for Avi’s to
brush them in a frustratingly unfulfilled moment of contact.
I just want to hold his hand, goddamnit. But I can’t. I’m still too scared,
and I hate it.
As soon as we’re in view of the back of the restaurant, I spot my sister.
She’s seated at a table, typing on her phone, and my chest immediately
warms. We don’t talk all that often, an occasional text or phone call here and
there, but I keep up with her on social media, just to see what she’s up to.
And because of that, I’m not surprised by how different she looks. Although
to me, she still resembles the girl I grew up with.
Dirty-blonde hair, maybe a shade or two lighter than mine, and definitely
longer than she used to keep it. She has Mom’s nose and chin, but Dad’s dark
eyes. Her build is much more athletic than it used to be, because apparently,
she runs a lot now.
Our approaching the table must catch her attention because she looks up,
eyes locking on me instantly. Her lips sweep into a giant, delighted smile.
But still, I can read the emotions on her face like they’re written in twenty-
four point font.
“My baby brother…” Bridget whimpers, jumping up from her seat and
attacking me, hugging onto me so hard I nearly topple over.
“Hey, Jeff Bridges.” I grin into her hair, squeezing her tight.
She giggles, sniffling like she might be crying. “How’s it going, Cobra
Ky?”
I feel her trembling in my arms as she breaks down, gulping with her face
in my chest. “I fucking hate how long it’s been… I’m so sorry, Kyran.”
“Stop,” I grunt, my gaze sliding to Avi, who’s smiling at this little scene
of reunion, pouting and clutching his hands to his chest. I pull back to lock
eyes with my sister, trying my hardest to convey firm sincerity. “No
apologies. Everything is fine… I’m just so glad to see you.”
She untangles herself from me, wiping her eyes. “You look great, little
bro. Seriously… You’re huge.” She grins, and I chuckle. But then her
forehead lines. “Are you doing okay?”
“I’m better than okay,” I reply with certainty, my gaze repeatedly flicking
to Avi.
 Bridget peers at Avi, as if she’s actually looking at him for the first time,
and her eyebrow cocks. “This is our stepbrother?”
I nod while Avi holds his hand out to her, one of his sweet smiles resting
on his lips. “Yea. Avi. I’m so pumped to finally meet you…”
They shake hands, and I can see my sister assessing him the way she
does. Bridget was never skeptical of people before everything… happened. I
guess we both used to be pretty trusting and easy-going. But all that changed
right before she left Boston, and now I can see it in her eyes. She’s trying to
figure Avi out.
It’s gonna take a little more than a handshake to understand this one, sis.
“I’m glad to meet you too,” she says, tilting her head. “I’ve heard a lot
about you over the years…” She glances at me. “In fact, it seems like most of
our phone calls always end up on Avi-talk.”
I rub the back of my neck while Avi chuckles. “Well, if that’s true, then
I’m gonna need to plead my case.” His eyes dart to mine, and I purse my lips
to keep from smiling, glancing at my shoes.
“Come on, sit down.” Bridget slides back into her seat. “We’ve got a lot
of catching up to do.”
Without even a second thought, Avi and I sit down next to each other,
across from Bridget. He scoots in close to me, his thigh pressing against
mine. I can feel my cheeks flush, and Bridget narrows her gaze at me.
“I’m really sorry it’s taken this long for us to meet…” Bridget says to
Avi, then she looks to me. “You have no idea how many times I wanted to
come see you, Ky. But I just… couldn’t do it.”
She lets out an unsteady breath, shaking her head in obvious regret.
Watching Avi, I can tell he really wants to ask why she’s refused to come
home for so many years…
And the notion that he might twists my stomach up into an unforgiving
knot.
“It’s fine,” I mumble, trying my hardest to brush it off. “Everything is
fine, seriously. Don’t worry about it…”
“No, Kyran, it’s not fine. I’ve been sick over this.” She flips her hair to
one side. It brings back so many memories. Bridget’s a nervous hair-fusser.
“I should’ve come back for you… Just to check on you and make sure you
were okay. But Dad is just—”
“Bridget, please,” I bark, softly, but still. It shuts her up quick, and she
gazes uneasily at me. I clear my throat. “I’m telling you it’s fine, so just drop
it, okay?? I don’t want to talk about Dad, or the past… I have the biggest
game of my life tomorrow and I don’t need the stress, alright? So can we just
drop it? I want to spend time with you because I miss you.”
I feel Avi staring at the side of my face, but I just know if I look at him,
he’ll be able to tell something is up. This is what I was afraid of, coming to
this dinner…
Avi’s always been able to read me; to see through my bullshit. It’s how
he knew I didn’t really hate him, how he knew exactly what my body wanted
when my head just wouldn’t let up.
He’s gonna know… He’ll find out the truth.
And then he won’t want you anymore.
Shaking the thought away, I grab a glass of water on the table, taking a
large sip.
“Okay.” Bridget offers me a comforting smile, reaching across the table
to squeeze my hand. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Let’s not dwell on anything.
I’m just happy to finally be spending time with you again.”
I nod, my lips quirking in a brief smile to let her know it’s alright as my
face tilts left. Avi is watching me closely, and when our eyes meet, it feels
like hours go by in a split second.
Man, I really just missed being next to him. Isn’t that crazy?? How
bizarre that I’m actually allowing myself to feel this way…
Bridget lets go of my hand as the server comes over. “You folks want
drinks?”
“None for me.” I smile politely.
“Gotta stay laser-focused, huh?” Avi grins, and I chuckle. He looks to the
server. “Water is fine.”
“Water it is,” Bridget sighs. “But you’re definitely eating, right?” She
gives me a look, and I laugh.
“Oh, hell yea. I’m starving.”
“Good,” she says. “This place has amazing tapas.”
My sister proceeds to order a bunch of plates for us to share, and while
she’s talking to the server, Avi’s fingers slip onto my thigh, dancing up and
down until I’m shivering. I don’t think he’s trying to turn me on… I’m pretty
sure he’s just being affectionate. But my dick is definitely twitching to life in
my pants.
I desperately need to get him inside me tonight before I have to go back to
my hotel room. It might have to be quick, but whatever. He can drill a solid
orgasm out of me in five minutes that’ll feel like it should’ve taken hours.
“So…” Bridget leans in on the table as the server walks away with our
food order. “I take it you two aren’t mortal enemies anymore.” She cocks her
head at me, and my spine stiffens. “Since you’re here, hanging out willingly
and all…”
My lips part and Avi’s do the same as we peek at each other.
I feel like we’re being super awkward just staring at each other, so I
mumble, “I guess he’s not that bad…”
Avi bites his lip to keep his smile in check, then turns to Bridget. “I must
have worn him down.”
“Hm… Seems like it.” She sits back in her chair, eyes bouncing between
us.
She’s obviously suspicious of something, and as anxious as this whole
thing is making me, there are words rising up from my throat like they can’t
possibly be subdued for one more second.
Stop running. Stop hiding.
Man up.
“When I talked to him on Christmas, he mentioned that you two were
getting along better,” Bridget says to Avi, who grins blithely. As usual.
“We had a really great holiday.” He tilts his face in my direction, that
smile drumming up warmth in my chest.
He deserves this. He deserves something real.
“Did you see Mom at all?” Bridget asks me, and I falter once more.
“No,” I grunt, sidetracked by the mention of my thoroughly unsupportive
parents. “I called her, but I just wasn’t in the mood to go over there and feel
like an unwanted burden from her old life…”
Bridget nods, the same forlorn resentment I’m feeling being mirrored
back at me in her shiny brown eyes.
Thankfully, she changes the subject with a smirk. “But you liked my
gift?”
I grin. “Yea. I love that candle. It’s my favorite scent…” My eyes shift to
Avi, who’s giving me a puzzled look.
And the words are on the march, like soldiers charging up a battlefield.
My defenses are no use.
They’re going to win.
“It smells like you,” I whisper to him.
His lashes flutter as he chirps, “The candle?” I nod, and his face lights up.
“Is that why you like it?”
“Well… Bridget used to always have one like it burning in her room,” I
speak quietly, confessing just enough. “It was comforting when other stuff
was… going on.” My voice trails and I clear my throat. “And now it’s
comforting for another reason. Because it reminds me of you.”
Avi has never looked so thrilled before, and my nerves retreat just enough
because I made the right decision. He’s happy.
His body turns in his seat, and his eyes fall to my lips, causing me to
squirm.
“Kyran…” His tone is soft, but insistent. And I already know what he’s
going to say.
“You’re gonna kiss me, aren’t you?” I murmur.
He nods. “I don’t think I can help it…”
Exhilaration sizzles inside me, bringing alive every neuron in my body.
We’re in public. In front of my sister….
But I don’t care. I’m waving the white flag…
I just can’t fight it anymore.
“Then do it.” I slide my hands onto his thigh. “Please…”
Without a moment of hesitation, his face slopes down at the same time
that his fingers curl around my jaw. And he presses his warm, soft, perfectly
unrelenting mouth to mine.
A small gasp breaks from my lips, and he devours it, breathing and
parting wider to suck my lips just hard enough that I’m fast dizzy. His fingers
glide back into my hair, and he holds me to him, humming as a sweet
soundtrack to this romantic display.
It’s over way too quick, even though I get it. Making out in public is
gross no matter how newly in love you are. But I can’t help leaning into him,
not ready to let him pull away. I’m so desperate for more of those bewitching
kisses that I’m actually gripping a fistful of his shirt, and I hadn’t even
noticed.
When my eyes peel open, I catch his doing the same, our gazes locked as
he puffs out a shivering exhale.
Wow… Who knew kissing a guy in public could feel so… exhilarating.
Avi clears his throat, and his eyes shift across the table, reminding me
that we’re not just in public, we’re also in front of my sister. Who also
happens to be Avi’s stepsister.
Because he’s my stepbrother.
 Honestly, it’s reminiscent of how we used to forget the camera was
recording. I guess that’s just what happens when the chemistry takes over…
“Holy fucking shit…” Bridget gasps, startling me when her palms slap
down on the table. “I knew it! I knew you guys were a thing!”
Moving back in my seat, I squint at her. “You didn’t know shit.”
“I so did!” she squeals. “No offense, but it’s pretty obvious. You’re both
smitten.”
“Are not,” I grunt petulantly.
“Yes, you are!” she whispers, her eyes round and sparkly as she beams
like she’s overjoyed for us.
I know I’m playing stubborn, because it’s my thing, but I sorta love how
excited she is right now.
“I am.” Avi shrugs, and when I glare at him, he winks at me, leaning in
closer. “I told you, baby… I’m obsessed with you.”
My face must be the color of his damn Twizzlers as I purse my lips.
“Look at him trying to hide it!” Bridget shimmies in her seat. “Baby
bro… You’re in love!”
“Stop,” I snap quietly. “Or so help me, I’ll move your seats to the
nosebleeds tomorrow.”
She laughs, lunging across the table to take both of our hands. “Oh my
goodness gracious, this is so exciting! Stepbrothers falling in love… How
scandalous.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
Avi laughs. I roll my eyes.
“Does anyone know?” she asks, practically bouncing.
“Only my best friend,” Avi says.
She nods, then grins deviously at me. “Dad’s gonna flip.”
“Please… I don’t even want to think about him,” I groan, dropping my
head into my palm.
“We don’t have to tell anyone anything.” Avi rubs my back. “Not until
you’re ready.”
“Aww… he’s so freaking sweet.” Bridget pouts. “He’s perfect for you.”
“Alright, alright. We’re not in Green Bay. Enough with the cheese,” I
grumble, and Avi chuckles. “I do want to tell people… It just sucks that it’ll
turn into this whole thing.”
Bridget’s forehead lines, and Avi clarifies, “Because of the NFL.”
“Ah. Right.” She nods.
“Social media will have a field day.” Avi chews on his lip.
 “But I don’t care about that,” I tell him.
“I care, Kyran,” Avi says softly, and my head tilts. “I don’t want your
reputation to suffer because we’re stepbrothers. Or because of… any of the
other stuff now associated with me.”
I’m taken aback. I didn’t know he felt this way. I had no idea he might be
guilty about the way our relationship could look to the general public.
“What other stuff is associated with you?” Bridget asks, cocking a brow
at him.
Avi stiffens and gapes at her.
“Nothing,” I jump in, shooting Avi a look.
“Aw, come on! Tell me!” Bridget whines. “I promise I won’t say
anything.”
Avi looks like he really wants to just say it, and I kick him under the
table, causing him to grunt.
“Avi, don’t you dare…” I hiss.
He blinks at me and bites his lip. Then he says to Bridget, “I have an
OnlyFans.”
“Jesus…” I scoff, rubbing my eyes while Bridget gasps out loud.
“Oh my God! Really?!” Her mouth is hanging open, eyes all wide with
fascination. “Like solo content or with… partners?”
Her eyes shift to me.
“I can’t deal with this right now…” I rub my eyes.
“I’ve been working with a… partner.” Avi chooses his words carefully,
like he’s on trial for murder. “But currently the account has been…
absolved.”
“What does that even mean??” Bridget shakes her head, grinning.
“It means don’t worry about it,” I snap.
Bridget squints at me, and I gulp. Yea. I was a lot less quick-tempered
before she left home too.
“The point is that it kinda… came to light recently,” Avi goes on. “And I
don’t want that affecting Kyran.” His chin tilts in my direction. “And your
dad…” He frowns, and I hate that he seems so stressed over this. “Your
relationship with him is already awful. I don’t want to make it worse…”
My eyes flick to Bridget, who’s staring at me.
“If we’re being honest, he’ll probably be more upset that you’re dating a
guy than the fact that it’s his wife’s son,” Bridget mutters, scoffing at the
ridiculousness of it.
 And the saddest part is that I know she’s right. If Avi was female, my
father would care infinitely less about me falling for a stepsibling. But
because he’s a man, it’s going to turn up his Biblical hate-o-meter to full
power.
Fucking asshole.
“Well, I don’t give a fuck,” I state firmly. “When we get back to Boston,
I’m telling him the truth. I don’t care if he has a problem with it. He stopped
being my father a long time ago, anyway.”
I pause when I realize what I said, eyes shifting to Avi, who’s blinking at
me, once again, like he’s desperate to know what I mean by that.
“Ky…” Bridget jumps in before he can potentially ask. “I’m just so
happy for you. You have no idea how ecstatic I am that you’re finally feeling
comfortable enough with who you are to be with someone.”
My stomach twists almost violently at her words.
I know she’s only being supportive, but it’s whipping up a tornado of
jitters inside me. Muscles tense all over my body, and all sorts of things start
rumbling up from where they’ve been lying dormant in my mind.
Avi’s forehead creases, unease etching his face. I can only imagine what
he must think… Based on Bridget’s words, I know how it might seem…
His mouth opens, but I speak before he can.
“You’re the only one, baby,” I whisper to him, my voice shaking a little.
“I promise.”
Avi looks worriedly between me and Bridget, and I glare at my sister.
“I’m sorry… You know that’s not what I meant, Ky,” she says. “I’m just
happy you’re happy. That’s it.”
I nod, swallowing and swallowing over the bile trying to rise in my
throat.
The smell of smoke and fragrant oils… The bitter taste of it in my mouth.
“I… I need to… use the… restroom.” I stand fast, wobbling as I do.
Avi’s hand flies up to steady me by gripping my waist. “Baby… are you
alright?”
“I’m f-fine.”
Brushing him off, I stagger away from the table, stomping toward the
men’s room. I rush to the sink to splash some water on my face. Bent at the
waist, I rub my eyes, slowly lowering my hands to stare at myself in the
mirror.
This is you…
 This has always been you.
Closing my eyes tight, I shake my head. No… Avi is responsible. He
helped me find the real me… Him and his strength and his brutal openness.
Just him.
He’s the… only one.
A voice thunders in my mind, rattling my foundation. You know that isn’t
true.
I suck air into my lungs, breaking past the suffocation in my chest.
“He made you this way…
He made you for me.
Now beg for forgiveness.”
“Stop…” I gasp, heaving for breath.
“Baby, are you okay?”
Following the sweet, worried voice, I find Avi stalking inside the
restroom. His hands are on me in an instant, rubbing my back and caressing
my hair.
I can’t really speak. I’m quivering too hard, clinging to everything about
him in this moment. The fact that he always seems to find me when I need
him the most, no matter how much I push him away.
His familiar scent that I can feel, like arms wrapping around a scared,
shaken boy. The way his eyes actually see me… The real me.
It’s terrifying, but I need it. I need him.
“Kyran, please talk to me.” His grungy voice is racked with emotion as he
pleads. “Tell me what’s wrong…”
I can’t…
I can’t tell you because you’ll leave me. That’s what happens.
Confessing the truth drives people away.
“Nothing, I just…” I finally manage to scrape out some words,
straightening and leaning into him while I breathe slowly. “I just got freaked
out for a second. But I’m fine now.”
“Baby, you know you can tell me anything, right?” he says, pacifying me
with soft touches. “Anything at all… You can say it, and I promise I won’t
judge you, or freak out.” He cups my jaw, forcing me to look at him. “I’m
here for you because I love you, Kyran. And nothing is gonna change that.”
Gnawing on my lower lip, I stare at him, swimming in the hazy blue mist
of his eyes. I know he’s not lying… He really feels that what he’s saying is
true.
 But I also know that it won’t matter. He’d judge me if he found out. It
wouldn’t be his fault; it would just happen. It’s a knee-jerk reaction.
The truth would change everything. That’s what it does.
And if I end up losing Avi the way I lost my family… I don’t think I’ll
want to exist anymore.
Love is fragile… delicate as glass.
And my truth is a stone thrown.
So I straighten and rest my hands on Avi’s chest, pulling the mask
securely back into place. “I’m fine, baby. I’m just stressed about the game.”
His brows knit together, but I ignore it and press a kiss on his frown. “Come
on. Let’s get back.”
Avi’s lips part, but before he can speak, a man bursts into the restroom,
stomping over to the urinals. He pauses, giving Avi and me a sharp look
before turning and going onto one of the stalls instead.
Avi’s gaze narrows in the guy’s direction, jaw visibly ticking with an
obvious thought.
Homophobe.
“Don’t worry, we’re not interested in your shriveled old dick,” Avi calls
out, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me along, out of the men’s room.
A strained laugh leaves my lips, and Avi peeks at me, showing me one of
his cocky smiles.
I love this man… I really do.
I just wish it wasn’t buried under a hundred thick layers of complication.
erthfairyy: Can I just say how beautiful you both are? You’re fucking gorgeous. I’d let you
both eat crackers in bed. *And then crack me in half*
Sincerely,
NotYourBabys_Daddy

I picked the absolute worst time to quit smoking.

After Kyran admitted his feelings for me, I decided it was time. I don’t
want to dull my senses anymore… I want to experience every single second
of being in love with him. Because I’ve never been in love before, and being
in it with Kyran Harbor is like going on a tour of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate
Factory. You want to be fully present so you don’t miss out on any of the
wonder…
But you also need to be on your best behavior. Because there’s a
mercurial weirdo with you every step of the way, who won’t warn you if
you’re about to get zapped into a television set or turn into a giant blueberry.
Over the years, I’ve relied heavily on smoking mass amounts of weed in
order to combat my anxiety. Turns out, I was numbing myself so much, I
wasn’t even sure if I could feel anything.
But the thing I’ve come to realize is… some anxiety is good. It’s normal.
You’re supposed to feel things. We’re made to feel all emotions, good and
bad. And I guess it took falling for Kyran to realize I don’t mind feeling the
bad sometimes, if it means I get to truly bask in the glory of the good.
I was proud of myself for this revelation. Until right now… sitting in
Rose Bowl Stadium with my knee bouncing like Tigger on speed, wondering
if there’s any chance the smog I’m inhaling could have trace amounts of THC
in it.
Weed’s been legal here for a while… It’s possible.
I think you get the picture. I’m stressed.
This game is fucking huge. I mean… gargantuan. Televised all over the
country. NFL scouts are here. Not to mention, I’m sitting in an entire section
of our players’ families and friends, next to Kyran’s estranged sister, who
I’ve known for less than twenty-four hours.
Bridget is a very sweet girl. Okay, maybe not sweet. But she’s cool as
shit, super nice, and it’s clear how much she loves Kyran.
Yet there’s something about being in her presence that triggers something
in Kyran… Something I’ve only ever seen happen to him around one other
person… his father.
Sure, there are differences in the interactions. Kyran doesn’t get along
with his dad at all, but he loves Bridget to death. In fact, it seems to me like
they both can’t stand Tom, and I just can’t figure out why.
Tom’s not perfect… We know this. He’s uptight and judgmental, and
he’s certainly gotten less fun over the years. But still, I don’t know that this
would warrant the kind of obvious disdain Bridget has for him, or the way
Kyran has always walked on eggshells around him.
I remember Christmakkah Eve, when Kyran told me he felt like he was
the one who broke up their family. He said it with such certainty… as if
there’s any possible way a twelve-year-old could be responsible for his
parents splitting up. I know it can be common for kids to blame themselves
for divorce… But I always thought once you grow up, you figure out that it
isn’t true.
Kyran still feels that way. He’s still wearing this burden he’s been
carrying around since he was a kid, and it’s the same pressure that’s turned
him into an epic control-freak. His need to portray this perfect image… I can
only imagine how exhausting it must be.
And then there’s the Bridget factor.
Last night at dinner, she said she was happy that Kyran could finally feel
comfortable enough with who he is to be with someone. As if perhaps she’s
known for quite some time that Kyran is gay…
And her saying that launched him into this whirl of panic that really
freaked me out for a second.
As far as I knew, Kyran was always straight, up until we started hooking
up. He’s always dated girls, never so much as mentioned any other
experimentation, and even fought me on it for the majority of our sexual
encounters.
So what would make Bridget say something like that…?
What is the real reason the Harbor family split up?
Why did she leave, and never come back?
I have so many questions, there are question marks spilling out of my
ears. And I know it’s not the time or place, but I really want to get at least a
few answers. It would be nice if Kyran would tell me this stuff himself… All
I want is for him to feel comfortable enough to confide in me. But I don’t
really see that happening, especially after the way he threw up the ropes and
closed himself off last night. So even though I know it’s a clear violation of
his trust to probe his sister for information, I don’t think I’ll be able to help
myself.
The whole thing has me so antsy, I’ve already killed an entire pack of
Twizzlers.
And on top of it all… this game.
The first quarter is already winding down, and I feel like we were just
watching the coin toss. It’s flying by fast, the nerves and adrenaline of
watching the man I love down there on the field making me so jittery I can
hardly sit still.
“Avi.” Bridget drops her hand onto my knee, stopping its incessant
bouncing. “Relax.” I peek at her, and she chuckles. “Breathe. Jesus, your
leg’s gonna fall off.”
“Sorry,” I sigh on an exhale. “I’m just really nervous…”
My eyes stay on Kyran as he bends at the waist and prepares for the snap.
We’re much farther away than I’m used to being… Usually I’d be on the
sidelines with a clear view of his facial expressions and his subtle
movements. Up here, it’s like I’m watching him on TV, only surrounded by
ninety thousand cheering fans.
The ball is hiked to him, and Kyran straightens, stepping backward with
his arm cocked. Guty is open down the field, so he launches the ball, and it
soars, spiraling to our wide receiver. Guty catches it and steps twice before
he’s tackled. But still. First down.
Everyone cheers, including me. That’s my man down there…
“See? No need to be nervous,” Bridget says to me with a smile. “Your
boyfriend’s got this in the bag.”
A smile curves my lips, though it’s still tense. I just can’t help it…
There’s so much going on, and I have no weed to fill my lungs with. Not
even a goddamn edible.
Oh, and did I mention we didn’t even get to fuck last night??
Yea, that was fun. After dinner, I went straight back to the hotel,
showered, and parked my ass in bed waiting for Kyran to show up so I could
give him his good luck dick. Then he texted me that Coach wasn’t letting any
of them go anywhere, and it was too risky for him to try to sneak out.
If I’d known that was gonna happen, I would have fucked him in the
bathroom of the damn restaurant. I bet the guy who gave us a dirty look for
touching each other would’ve really loved that.
The second quarter flies by just like the first, fast and action-packed.
Notre Dame is on fire, their defense doing a number on our running game.
But no matter how hard they try to stifle the connection between Kyran and
his receivers, they can’t stop us from scoring.
Kyran’s already thrown two touchdown passes, sinking balls down the
field at every opportunity. By halftime, the score is twenty-four to fourteen,
Eagles in the lead. My stomach flutters as I watch Kyran run off the field,
knowing he’s probably being all serious and tense, wishing he could control
every move made around him.
I hope he finds time to look at his palm… Trace those lines. Calm down
and remember to enjoy this.
“You wanna grab a beer?” Bridget asks, standing up and stretching out
her arms.
We’re both wearing number nine jerseys, and she even painted a 9 on her
cheek with maroon and gold sparkles.
Considering it for a second, I stand by her side. “Sure, why not.”
Beer isn’t weed. It’s fine.
We leave our seats to go find a concession stand, where Bridget orders
two beers, waiting until we’re far enough away to hand one to me, since ya
know… I’m not twenty-one just yet.
“So are you a football nut like Kyran?” I ask Bridget with a grin while we
putter around inside the lower level of the stadium.
She chuckles. “I’ve always loved football. We grew up watching it
together… Mainly because Dad was so into it. But you have to admit, there’s
nothing quite like it.”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “There are other exciting sports, I guess… What
about hockey?”
 “Why is hockey exciting?” She peers at me with a smirk. “They don’t
even let the players fight anymore,” she scoffs. “Highly stifles the raging
testosterone in the air. Plus, they’re just moving back and forth. Same as
basketball, soccer…”
My head tilts, because I guess she has a point.
She grins. “But football… Football is do or die. I read a statistic the other
day that said one hundred percent of players in the NFL suffer injuries of
some kind. One. Hundred. Percent. That means no matter what, you’re
guaranteed to get hurt. How messed up is that?” She breathes a soft laugh,
like she’s awed by this staggering fact. “American football is by far the most
thrilling of all the big, traditional sports. It’s almost barbaric in a way, but it’s
complex and captivating, if you can catch on. Football isn’t just game, it’s a
lifestyle. It’s heart-pumping, adrenaline spiking action, from start to finish.”
Smirking, I narrow my gaze at her. “Are you a Patriots fan? Because you
sound like one…”
Bridget throws her head back in laughter that has me chuckling. Then she
aims a knowing look at me. “You better be prepared, kid. This is just the
beginning… If Kyran gets drafted to the NFL, you’re gonna need a sedative.”
Yea, that’s what I’m afraid of.
Taking a large gulp of my beer, I allow the substance to calm me as much
as it can. “The thing is, I’m not afraid he won’t win. He is that good. But I
just… I worry about how much pressure he puts on himself. To be the best,
ya know?”
She nods, her eyes shifting away from mine as she sips from her cup.
I need to know what she knows… I need to know what I’m up against,
being with Kyran.
“You know, when he was little, he used to be so chill,” she says, staring
off into space. “He was the kid all the other kids wanted to be around.
Always smiling and laughing.”
I’m reeling from what I’m hearing right now. Are we talking about Kyran
Harbor??
Bridget keeps talking. “And it wasn’t because he was raised that way or
anything, because trust me, my dad worked constantly. And as soon as we
were old enough to fend for ourselves, my mom backed way off. But that
didn’t matter to us, because we had each other. Nothing else mattered…” Her
voice trails off a bit before she mumbles, “It was like us against the world.”
Her expression grows less nostalgic and more remorseful as she sips her
drink. “But then we grew apart a little… I started paying more attention to
my friends. I mean, I was fourteen, it’s just what you did. It’s the most selfish
time in any kid’s life. Kyran lost his carefree side, and started following the
rules more… The only place he always felt comfortable was the football
field.”
She smiles whimsically, and my lips curve, a warmth of pride for how far
he’s come filling my chest.
But then Bridget’s smile falls away and she murmurs, “I should have paid
more attention… to why he was becoming so nervous. I should have been
there more… told my father to fuck off with that—” Her voice cuts out, and
she peeks at me. But she doesn’t finish her sentence. She just gulps her drink
back fast.
I’m just staring at her, confused and uneasy, because this isn’t about a
divorce. There’s something else going on here.
“Bridget…” I speak her name firmly, and her eyes flit to mine again.
“Why did your parents split up?” She stares at me, chewing on her bottom
lip. “What happened that made you both want to escape so badly…?”
Her jaw drops as she gapes up at me, so much guilt and anguish in her
eyes, I can almost feel it hitting me in waves. She looks like she’s about to
say something… Like it’s on the tip of her tongue and she wants to unburden
herself so badly, it’s killing her not to.
But then people start filing by us, back to their seats, a commotion likely
indicating that halftime is almost over.
And she clears her throat, giving her chin a little shake. “I’m gonna grab
another drink before we head back.”
I watch her wandering away with her head down, my mind sifting
through her words. If Kyran used to be so free-spirited… what clipped his
wings?

That’s it. I’m gonna puke.

My heart is officially lodged in my throat, and I can barely breathe.
This game is driving me to drink. I’m not sure what happened at halftime,
but Notre Dame came back with a fire under their asses.
 They scored two touchdowns on back-to-back drives, and their defense
pulled out all the stops. I’m guessing they realized Kyran is a force to be
reckoned with, because they’ve been all over our receivers, forcing us to run
the ball, which can only take us so far. To top things off, Theo missed a field
goal… His first miss of the season.
I feel awful. Theo is a crazy talented kicker, and I just know the pressure
probably got to him.
I remember him storming off the field, whipping his helmet at the bench
so hard it scuffed the paint. Kyran was trying to talk to him, grabbing him by
the arm like he wanted to calm his friend down. But Theo was visibly pissed,
and I get it.
The Eagles needed the points. And we still do now.
We’re down by fourteen, with only five minutes left in the game. Coach
Matthews is visibly screaming at the huddle of our offense. I can’t hear what
he’s saying, but I have to assume he’s not happy, and that he’s putting the
fear of God in these players right now.
That man has always sort of terrified me. He’s so quiet… Until he isn’t.
“Kyran’s gonna do something,” I mumble, pushing past the doubt in my
voice. “He has to.”
“These fighting fucking Irish…” Bridget scoffs, then hollers, “Show ’em
how Irish really fight, Ky!”
Everyone around us cheers, but I can’t even move. My hands are clasped
together so tightly I think I might break my own fingers.
Kyran and our offensive line jog back onto the field, and I know I can’t
see his face, but somehow, I can feel how tense he is. It’s like we’re both
down there, and I’m sitting inside his body with him, sharing his nervous
frustration.
The ball is punted to Guty, and he catches it. Then he takes off running,
weaving in between Notre Dame defense for a return. The crowd around me
is screaming and hollering. I think Guty’s family is sitting right behind us
because my eardrums have officially blown out.
Someone finally gets him down, but he managed to gain twenty-six yards.
Kyran says something to him when they’re all gathered around setting up for
the next drive. Guty nods and they smash their helmets together.
“Come on, baby…” I whisper. “You’ve got this on lock.”
There’s the snap. Kyran hands off the ball to Benito to run it. But then he
steps back and whips the ball in Guty’s direction. They faked the hand-off,
and seamlessly, I might add.
Notre Dame is unprepared, and Guty is a fucking madman. He catches the
ball and runs faster than I’ve ever seen any human move before. He gets all
the way to the fifteen-yard line before he’s knocked out of bounds. But no
matter. We’re in scoring position now.
“Fuck yea!” I shout while Bridget woos and we high-five. “That’s what
I’m talkin about!”
“Number eighty-one is a beast!” Bridget cheers.
“That’s my son!” a lady with tanned skin and short spiky hair says from
behind us, clear excitement shaking her voice.
“You’re Guty’s mom?” I ask her, and she nods enthusiastically. “He’s a
great guy.”
“Are you from BC?” she asks, and I nod.
“I’m Kyran’s…” The words come to a fast bottleneck in my mouth.
Stepbrother? Friend? Boyfriend? Why the hell do I not know what to say
right now?! I clear my throat. “I’m the Eagles’s mascot.”
Bridget shoots me a look, to which I shrug.
“You’re the Eagle?!” Guty’s mom gasps. “We love you!” I grin humbly,
mimicking a bow. “You should be down there with them, cheering them on!”
“I wish…” I mumble. And the conversation stops because the ball is in
the air.
Fellows catches it in the end zone, and we all jump out of our seats.
“Yea, bitch!” I scream while everyone goes wild.
“Hold up,” a guy sitting next to Guty’s mom calls out. “There’s a flag
down.”
“Who threw it??”
The ref announces over the speaker. “Holding. Offense, number seven.
Ten-yard penalty. First and goal.”
“That’s bullshit!” Bridget squawks.
“Holding my ass!” Guty’s mom screams, and she and Bridget tap their
cups together in a cheers.
“Hey, ref! I’ve got something you can hold!” the guy next to Guty’s mom
roars, grabbing his crotch.
“Mijo…” she scolds, shaking her head at him.
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” I mumble, mostly to myself. “They’ve got this.”
I can tell Kyran is pissed, but not once do you see him react to it. He pats
number seven, Sean Cameron, on the back, and they get ready to try again.
 The play is live and I’m sweating. Notre Dame’s defense is covering the
crap out of everyone in the end zone. Kyran has nowhere to send the ball, so
he starts to run, doing his best to dodge the guards and tackles. He gets within
a step of the end zone, and some big asshole knocks the ball out of his hands.
“Fuck!” Bridget and I both gasp at the same time, everyone’s eyes locked
in suspense on the field.
The ball flings up into the air. A Notre Dame guy lunges for it.
But then Kyran reaches up and grabs it, securing it back into his arms as
he falls into the end zone.
There’s a split second of silence when we’re all just staring. Collectively
breathless.
The ref’s hands shoot up, and we all go wild.
Touchdown!
Bridget and I are hugging onto each other, screaming like total freaks.
“Oh my God, that was so close,” she squeals, pounding the rest of her
drink.
“They’re going for the two-point conversion,” Guty’s mom says, gripping
onto the arm of the guy who’s sitting next to her. Based on how much he
looks like Guty, I’d be willing to bet it’s his brother.
“Escúchame, hermano…” the guy murmurs to himself, as if he’s talking
to Guty. So definitely his brother. “Get us those two points.”
Kyran is shouting to his offensive line so loudly I can hear his voice up
here. He’s pointing and gesturing to them, nodding to the guys at his side as
they take position.
The snap brings immediate chaos. It’s hard to even tell what’s happening,
but I think I see the ball being passed left. But then it looks like it’s on the
right. And then Kyran is shooting the ball over everyone’s heads to Guty,
who somehow ducks himself out of the hold of two guys and catches it.
The crowd erupts in cheers and howls while we watch Guty do his
celebratory dance in the end zone.
“That’s my brother right there!” the guy behind us shouts.
My eyes follow Kyran off the field as I send him as many good vibes as
possible. We still need to keep Notre Dame from scoring, and then score once
more to win.
Almighty Tom Brady… We need a miracle.
Notre Dame’s quarterback, Connor Devlin, takes the field with his guys,
and I can tell they mean business. Our defense is working hard at choking
them up, but they’re moving slowly up the field.
Gazing down at Kyran on the bench, I can see his knee bouncing the way
mine was earlier. I wish I could be down there…
“It’s not over until it’s over, baby…” I whisper.
Devlin throws an incomplete, and two more attempts at running get them
nowhere. So they go for a field goal.
“I don’t want to pray for anyone to fail, but Father, make this boy miss,”
Guty’s mom whimpers. Bridget and I can’t help but laugh.
Notre Dame’s kicker kicks. The ball soars.
I hold my breath.
And the ref’s arms go out at his sides. No good.
“Yes!” We all jump up screaming, hugging onto each other in a huddle
while we bounce around.
“Oh my God, they’re gonna do it!” Bridget cries.
“Shut up! Don’t jinx them.” I yank her back down into her seat.
We’re clutching one another, watching as Theo punts the ball. Two
minutes left in the game. And Kyran is preparing to take the field one last
time.
This is the moment of truth… The make or break.
If we can score one more touchdown, we’ll be NCAA Champions.
I’m not breathing. The noise around me has faded into the background,
and all I can hear is the thump of my heart… As if it’s mirroring the thump in
Kyran’s chest.
He moves gracefully, stepping like it’s a delicate dance, launching the
ball in a way that feels almost godlike. He’s truly incredible to watch. The
strength and the focus, the way he breathes the game in and out of his lungs.
Kyran Harbor was meant to do this. Plain and simple. Right now, it’s as
clear as crystal.
He’s going to the NFL. There’s no way he isn’t.
And for the first time, that thought doesn’t scare me. It doesn’t fill me
with worry or doubt, about him leaving Boston. This is bigger than any of
that…
Football is his destiny.
And cards on the table, I will gladly follow him wherever he goes. If he
wants me to…
First down after first down, they drive, and it’s tense. It’s fucking
suffocating, but they do it. And when he finally finds his shot, Kyran takes it.
 His arm flies up. The ball soars.
Guty catches it.
Touchdown.
The Eagles just won the fucking Rose Bowl, baby.
I’m not sure I’ve ever spazzed so hard in my life. We’re all jumping and
screaming. I’m hugging Bridget and she’s crying. Guty’s family is alerting
nearby dogs with their high-pitched squeals of delight.
It’s fucking epic. I can’t believe it… Except that I can, because my man is
that good.
I’ve literally never been so proud.
“Your boyfriend is gonna get drafted,” Bridget sobs in my ear, and I
chuckle while she shakes me around. “Where do you think he’s gonna go?!”
“Hopefully somewhere nice,” I sigh, my mind spinning through thoughts
of various places in this great big country.
And hopefully he’d want me to come, too.
Biting my lip, I watch as Theo nails the extra point, and we all cheer for
him because really, he’s the one who just solidified the whole thing. I never
thought about it before… how much the team relies on their kicker. Theo is
amazing at what he does. I hope he doesn’t give himself too much grief for
missing one field goal in an entire season.
But if he’s anything like Kyran, I’m sure he’ll be beating himself up.
Kyran is just so fucking adorable right now, I can’t stand it. He and Guty
are hanging all over each other, their teammates crowding around them in
widespread celebration. Notre Dame’s offense lingers, with only fifteen
seconds on the clock, the game is deemed over.
What a rush. A spectacular end to a wild season.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t get either of your names,” Guty’s mom says to us
over the noise, and “All I Do Is Win” bumping over the speakers.
“I’m Avi,” I tell her. “This is Bridget. Kyran’s sister.”
“Liz Gutierrez.” She grins. “This is my son, Marco.” Guty’s brother nods
at us as Liz asks, “Are you two coming to the party?”
I glance at Bridget, anxiety weaseling its way up again. I hadn’t really
planned on going to the party… I know Kyran will be the star of the show,
and the idea of tagging along makes me feel a little awkward.
But Bridget nudges me. “You know he’s gonna want you there.”
Gulping, I nod hesitantly.
Guty’s mom and brother wave at us as they disappear into the crowd. And
I’m even more nervous now… We all know parties full of football players
aren’t my scene.
Buck up. You’ll have to get used to it if he goes to the NFL…
I just wish I could see Kyran right now. It’s so different when we’re
alone. But every second we’re not together is spent with mountains of doubt
rising between us.
My eyes fall back down to the field, where a reporter is interviewing
Kyran. He looks so happy. And I’m happy that he’s happy. So I guess that’s
all that matters.
“So, what’s up?” Bridget asks. “You wanna go wait for him?”
Watching Kyran, I shake my head. “Nah, he’s doing his thing right now.
We can go back to the hotel. That’s where the party is happening, anyway.”
Bridget nods, and we fight the psychotic body traffic out of the stadium
until we reach the even more ridiculous car traffic. It takes us a bazillion
years to get back to the hotel, and by the time we’re there, I really need a
freaking drink.
“Let’s go to the bar,” Bridget says as we walk inside.
“I’m only twenty,” I mumble.
“Ugh, God. I forgot you’re both fetuses,” she scoffs.
I laugh and shake my head. “There’s a minibar in my room.”
Up in my hotel room, we crack open a bottle of tequila and pour two
shots to celebrate the BC Eagles being big, fancy NCAA Division I
Champions.
“I’m so fucking proud of him…” I breathe as the liquor burns its way
down my throat.
“I can see that.” Bridget grins. “You looked like you were gonna die
when the ball was in the air that last time.”
I chuckle. “It’s just… I don’t know. Watching him play this entire season,
while everything else has been going on between us… I feel like I’ve been a
part of it, ya know?” I shake my head, fiddling with my chipped nail polish.
“I’ve never felt like that before.”
“You are a part of it, Avi,” she says, and I glance up. “You’re the
mascot.” I huff, but she pins me with a look. “I’m serious. I know it seems
like a goofy thing, but you were there pumping them up, rooting for them.
Rooting for him.”
I purse my lips. “It was just fun to be included.”
“I wasn’t kidding when I said your name came up every time we talked.”
She smirks. “Any time I’d call him after a game, he’d be like, ‘And Avi was
over there doing the Gangnam Style dance…’”
I laugh out loud while she snickers.
“Dead ass. I didn’t want to piss him off by saying anything, but it was
super obvious he never stopped paying attention to you.”
“It was impossible for me to hate him…” I murmur truthfully while she
pours two more shots. “Believe me, I tried. He was a real jerk to me at
times…”
“I believe it.”
“But underneath it, I always just wanted him to like me. And the high of
getting someone like him interested in someone like me was unlike
anything…”
“Avi, who are you kidding? You know you’re perfect for him,” she says.
“I don’t know that…”
“Yes, you do. Trust me. I’ve only known you for a day, and I can see it. I
saw it last night the second you two walked in and sat down next to each
other, like there was no possible way you could be apart. You’re exactly what
my brother needs. Someone supportive and patient, who’s gonna love him no
matter what. Someone who calls him on his bullshit and loves the stubborn
out of him.”
We take our shots, and she breathes out slowly. “But mostly, someone
who will stay by his side. He doesn’t need to be abandoned any more…”
“Bridget, he doesn’t hold that against you,” I tell her, and her deep amber
eyes slink to mine. In this light, you can see so much of Tom in her.
“But you do…” she whispers.
My jaw tightens, but I shake my head. “It’s not my place.”
“Bullshit. You’re family. And now, you’re also Kyran’s partner. It is your
place to be pissed off on his behalf.”
I slump back in my chair and sigh. “I guess it’s just that I don’t
understand why you left. I don’t get the whole thing… I don’t understand
why Kyran is so convinced your family split up because of him.”
Bridget’s eyes set on the marble island between us as she mumbles, “It
wasn’t his fault…”
“No shit,” I grunt. “But why does he feel like that?? It makes no fucking
sense.”
She pours more booze into her cup, whipping it back. “Because our
asshole father made him feel like it was.”
 What…?
My gaze at her narrows. “Why? Why would Tom do that to a twelve-year-
old kid?”
Bridget goes quiet for a moment, the suspense and angst building a
thickness in the air. “It’s not my place to tell you about it… You should hear
it from Kyran.”
Raking my fingers through my hair, I yank it. “You and I both know he
won’t. And I need to know. Bridget, I’m really starting to freak out here.
You’re making me think it’s like… something bad.”
When her gaze slides back up to mine, there are tears glistening her eyes.
“It is bad, Avi. It was the worst thing that’s ever happened to anyone I
know… And it happened to my baby brother.”
Oh God… This is too much. Jesus, I’m freaking the fuck out.
My gut is churning so hard I feel nauseous. I know it’s not right for me to
demand answers… I know that. I should wait for Kyran to confide in me
when he’s ready.
But I also know that if he’s suffering, stuffing down something awful
from his past and pretending it doesn’t exist, that’s really not healthy. I want
to be able to help him. To love him, no matter what.
“Just promise you won’t leave him…” Bridget whispers.
“I won’t fucking leave him unless he wants me to…” I shiver out the
words. “Because I’ll do anything for him, even if it kills me,” I tell her with
my fullest sincerity.
After all, it’s true. Kyran Harbor is the love of my life. That’s it.
I’ve fallen. Hook, line, and sinker, he has my whole heart.
Bridget slinks off her chair, padding across the room to her purse. She
plucks her phone out of it, tapping away while I’m just staring at her, my
heart beating its way up my esophagus.
She glares at something on the screen before sighing and sliding her
phone over to me.
Picking it up, my eyes travel, reading the words. At first, I have no idea
what I’m looking at… A legal document, or a settlement of some kind?
But the more I read, my heart proceeds to snap in half in my chest.
And with each word that follows, it cracks and slits and crumbles, my
fingers shaking with rage and despair as I scroll down to the end.
There’s a picture.
“Is…” My voice will barely creep from my throat, I’m so shocked and
appalled. So disgusted and angry and horrified. “Is this real? This is… him?”
Bridget sniffles, and I know she’s crying. But I can’t pry my eyes away
from the phone in front of me. Every single fiber of my being is thrumming
with wrath, woven around strands of aching empathy for my stepbrother.
The man I love. My family.
No matter what he is to me, even if he was a stranger, this would make
me sick to my stomach. I feel myself retch as I shove the phone away,
covering my face with my hands.
“Oh my God…” I’m quaking.
Sick and sad and more enraged than I’ve ever felt before.
“That’s Father McAdams,” Bridget whimpers, then snarls with the same
fury I’m feeling in my veins. “The fucking monster who raped my brother
when he was twelve.”
No… No, no, no, this isn’t true.
It can’t be.
Kyran… A soft sound escapes me as I rip my hair out of my head.
The words are spinning in my mind, being read aloud in my own voice.
The archdiocese has agreed to dismiss and laicize Father James
McAdams of Cathedral of the Holy Cross in South Boston, per out of court
settlement with the family of Kyran Thomas Harbor, Somerville, MA.
The Church will pay out a sum of one-point-four million dollars to the
family. Settlement professes nondisclosure…
“Bridget… I’m gonna be sick…” I cough, barely even recognizing my
own voice as I stand up and sprint to the bathroom.
Heaving with my face on fire, I throw up the booze I just consumed. But
I’m numb… I don’t feel the burn and the wrenching pain in my gut. All I feel
is excruciating, throbbing anger.
Falling back on my knees, I force myself to breathe, steadying enough to
stand up on wobbly legs. I rinse my mouth out and splash water on my face,
eyes traveling up to my reflection in the mirror. And I remember…
I remember the times I’ve seen Kyran do this.
Staring at himself in the mirror, like he’s desperately trying to recognize
himself.
Stumbling back into the room, I find Bridget shakily pouring herself
another drink.
“A s-settlement??” I stammer, shaking my head.
This is fucking insane. I can’t even process it. It’s like my mind has
completely shut down. I think I’m in shock.
She sips her drink, wincing before pushing out a long, hopeless breath. “It
was the end of summer before my senior year of high school… Kyran had
just come home from church camp, this dumb bullshit our parents used to
make us do. I hadn’t gone in a few years, because I’d whined and begged to
go to camp with my friends instead. But Kyran was still going. We were
supposed to go to the Cape in the morning… I was packing my… swimsuit.”
She chokes on the word and releases a quiet sob of a noise before roughly
rubbing at her face, like she’s trying to force away the terror of an awful
memory.
“I heard a noise. Like a… thud. Coming from the upstairs bathroom,” she
speaks quietly, her wide gaze stuck on the marble countertop. “I rushed to the
door and knocked, calling out to Kyran to see if it was him. If he was
okay…” She stops again to breathe. “He wasn’t answering me, and the door
was locked, so I used a credit card to break in. He was… he was lying on the
floor of the tub with the shower running and half the shower curtain ripped
down.”
My chest is somehow hollow and pulsing at the same time as she
struggles out more words. “I thought he’d fallen, so I rushed over to him. He
didn’t look hurt, but he was… staring. Not blinking, just staring. I thought he
was dead for a second, and I swear to God, I’ve never been so scared in my
life. But then I realized he was breathing… trembling from head to toe.
“I wrapped him in a towel and got him out of the tub… He could barely
walk, and I was screaming at him to tell me what was wrong, but he wouldn’t
speak.”
I can somehow see everything she’s describing… Young Kyran, frozen in
shock.
Broken.
My legs give out and I come crashing to the floor, sitting with my knees
bent and my fingers threaded in my hair, gripping my skull.
“When I… mentioned that I was going to call an ambulance, he suddenly
snapped out of it and his head started flinging back and forth while he cried
no… over and over.” Bridget stops with tears tumbling down her cheeks and
she swallows more liquor. “I took him into my room, got him dressed, and
put him in my bed… And he was crying and crying. And I was crying
because I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew it was bad, you know?
When he finally calmed down enough to breathe and speak, he said,
‘Something happened.’” She wipes her nose with her hand, the sorrow on her
face palpable. “That’s when I knew… I mean, I didn’t know the details. I
didn’t need to… But I knew something terrible had happened to him, and
fuck, I just wanted to rip myself open and give him whatever he needed to
feel better. But there was nothing I could do… I’d already failed him.
Because I didn’t protect him.”
She drops her head to the counter. “I was supposed to protect him.”
Without even realizing it, I’m crying. Silently whimpering grief for the
love of my life.
And this brokenness he’s been holding inside for so long.
The room is silent for a while before Bridget continues. “Eventually, he
told me what Father McAdams had done… And Avi… I’m telling you that
I’ve never wanted so badly to hurt someone in my whole life. That night, I
went to the asshole’s house. I took the bus, and I went to his fucking house…
and I stood outside, thinking about if I could actually do it. If I could kill
him…”
Her head lifts, and our eyes lock. I feel the hatred, the wrath, and the pain,
moving between her and me, like a tangible force of energy.
My muscles stiffen and my teeth grind together. I want that, too. I don’t
even know this person, but I want him to burn alive in an inferno for all
eternity. I want him to know exactly why he’s being punished. I need him to
get it.
“Obviously, I didn’t,” she huffs weakly. “He killed himself, by the way.
They found him hanging from a light fixture in his study four years ago…
With a piece of paper gripped in his fist that said I’m sorry.” She cackles a
furiously unamused laugh. “Sorry?! Fuck!” she screams, and I flinch as she
jumps up and starts pacing around. She looks so much like Kyran right now,
it’s making me feel sick again. “Whatever, that’s not the point. He got off
way too easily, as far as I’m concerned. But that night when I came home, it
turns out Kyran had told Dad. And do you wanna know what our father
said…?”
I’m exhausted as I breathe, “I’m guessing he didn’t believe him…”
“I’m sure he knew it was true,” she grunts. “But he told him he was
overreacting. That he was just making up stories that could destroy people’s
lives.”
My eyes fall shut, jaw straining, as I slowly recline onto my back on the
floor.
 This is so completely fucking fucked.
I feel like I’m outside of myself, outside of reality. Watching some
fucked-up movie…
This is what Kyran has been walking around with for eight years??
Jesus… Kyran.
Kyran… I whimper his name again and again in my mind.
“It smacked Tom in the face real hard when a few other kids came
forward,” Bridget whispers, staggering over for more booze. I think she’s
going to black out if she keeps up the way she’s going. But then I don’t
exactly blame her. “But he still didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to
accept it, because he’s a coward. His goddamn faith meant more to him than
his own son. His reputation, his place in the church… all that fucking
bullshit… he chose it over Kyran. They settled in court, as long as everyone
agreed never to speak of it. The money went into a trust in Kyran’s name, but
he said he’d rather die than touch a dime of it. He was fucking thirteen years
old… dealing with this… This horror.
“So yea… I guess it did tear our family apart. Mom and Dad fought
nonstop, and they filed for divorce three months later. But no one ever
stopped to check on Kyran. No counseling, no therapy. Nothing. Denial…
That’s it.”
Bridget slumps down onto the floor by my feet. “I couldn’t take it. That’s
why I left. I tried to get Kyran to talk to someone, but he was convinced all
he needed to do was forget it ever happened. He wouldn’t talk about it…
wouldn’t even acknowledge it. Because that’s what Dad told him to do. So I
applied to school out here… And I fucking left. Because I couldn’t spend one
more second near that man. I wanted to forget my father even existed for the
way he treated Kyran. I was a coward too…”
She whispers, curling up into a ball on the floor, “Because I left him. I
should’ve stayed… Just to be there for him. But I was too angry. I still am. It
burns inside me every day, like another piece of myself made of rage. I’m not
satisfied with that monster copping out and hanging himself. And I’m so
proud of Kyran, and how incredible he turned out, despite everything, but…
god-fuckin-damnit, I just hate my father so fucking much.”
Blinking, my eyes follow the lines of the ceiling, mind expanding and
contracting through this information like weak lungs struggling to breathe.
The helplessness inside me… it reminds me of when I was six. When I found
out I would never see my father again.
 It’s a misery that swallows you whole… A suffering at knowing there’s
nothing you can do to change it.
Life… This is the pain of life, and it’s just so motherfucking bleak.
The endless void of silence is broken when my phone pings in my pocket.
Pulling it out, I focus my blurred vision on the screen.
Kyran: BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A choked sob leaves my lips, tears welling in my eyes and a happy-sad
grin curving my mouth. Two more quick texts pop up, radiating his
excitement.
Kyran: We did it! We did it Avi…
Kyran: God I can’t wait to see you baby.
My heart is trying to pump itself back to life, seal together all the wounds
from uncovering the horrible the truth and just love him. Be happy for him,
because damnit, he seems so happy.
I can’t believe he can be so happy, even with this stuff living inside him.
He’s truly amazing.
My trembling fingers are struggling to type out a message as he keeps
texting me.
Kyran: Are you coming to the party??? We’re on our way back to the hotel now. I
just have to change and then we’ll be down there.
Kyran: I hope you’re not mad that I couldn’t see you right away after the game…
It was such a whirlwind. I just got done showering after all the interviews and
everything. Plus Coach popped a bottle of Dom in the locker room, so I’m a lil
tipsy lol
Kyran: I wanna kiss you so bad babe. I’m gonna kiss you in front of EVERYONE :)
Jesus, my fucking heart. I can’t even breathe…
Me: I love you, Kyran. I am so fucking proud of you.
He must really be tipsy because he sends me a bunch of emojis. An
eggplant, a peach, and five water-squirts.
My chest shakes with a laugh as I wipe tears from my eyes.
Kyran: Come to the party… please. I need you Avi.
Me: I wouldn’t miss it for the world gorgeous.
 theBSTpwrbttm: I want you both to rail me and then pretend you love me like you love
each other. *Swoon*
BigD1ckDeacon: Do you need a sin for your next confession?

Wanna hear something funny?

I’ve known since I was a little kid that someday I’d win a championship
trophy.
Ever since I was old enough to throw a football, this has been my goal.
The endgame.
Holding this trophy in my hands and knowing that I helped win it for my
team.
I’m fully aware this isn’t something a lot of people can say. It’s pretty
rare to have a goal in mind from the time you’re a kid and actually achieve it,
dodging all the obstacles thrown in front of you and still managing to get
there.
It’s weird, and fascinating and incredible, the way life works out
sometimes…
But that’s not the funny part.
The thing that’s had me casually stopping to smile over the last couple of
hours, while we were celebrating in the locker room, changing out of our
uniforms, then piling into our bus and sing-screaming “We Are The
Champions”… while Guty literally picked me up and carried me into our
hotel room and I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe… while I changed
into my winner’s suit—the suit I picked out specifically for this party—and
made my way downstairs to the hotel conference room that’s been
elaborately decorated with maroon and gold, and fully stocked with food… is
how all I want, in the whole wide world, is just to hold Avi Vega’s hand.
It’s hilarious to think that after this fantastic achievement, amidst the high
of the win, the thing that has my stomach fluttering and my fingers twitching
isn’t that trophy across the room… It’s the anticipation of seeing Avi’s smile.
Hearing his voice croon about how proud he is, listening to his smartass
comments, and watching his flirtatious smirky expressions. Sharing this
experience with someone who loves me, and who I love in return… And
feeling like it’s right, despite what I’ve spent so many years trying to talk
myself out of.
The win would be worthless if I hadn’t fallen in love with him.
It’s a mystifying truth, but it is the truth. Because after every other game
I’ve ever won, the excitement has only been skin-deep. For the first time
ever, it actually means something.
It’s not about making my dad proud… When he called me, I barely even
cared. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Avi, and I’m as thrilled as I am
baffled by the way this love has swept me up, like I’m floating on a cloud.
Everything feels infinitely more real being in love with him.
I’m just about to text him again and ask where he is when he walks
through the door… and my heart skips in my chest.
Beautiful. That’s the word that thumps with the blood pumping through
my veins. As my eyes take in the sight of him in his ripped jeans and a
collared shirt, loose skinny tie around his neck. I have to chuckle, because he
looks so out of place, and I love it.
Figures that it would take someone like him to breathe me back to life.
He’s so… different. Unique, like a mosaic. Complex little pieces glued
together to make a purely stunning creation.
When he spots me, he smiles. And I smile too… I can’t seem to stop. He
struts over to me, and I walk to him, biting the inside of my cheek to keep
myself from looking crazy. His eyes are wide and sparkling, a seriousness
etching them that doesn’t fit his typically carefree presence. But I assume it’s
because he’s not usually comfortable at these football parties, surrounded by
jocks he doesn’t relate to. And I know I haven’t made it easy on him in the
past…
The regret I feel at how awfully I treated him in front of these people still
weighs on me constantly. But I’m on a mission to do better for him. To prove
that if he can just be patient with me, I’ll work past the fear I’ve been living
with for so long, and be what he needs.
I can do that for him.
Throwing my arms around his shoulders, I pull him close to me in a hug
that might look a tad too intimate. But I don’t even care. I just need to feel his
body on mine, his warmth and his size… I need to smell him.
My Avi candle.
It takes him a second, maybe from nerves, but he curls his strong arms
around my waist and holds me back, releasing a long breath into the crook of
my neck.
“Congratulations, superstar,” he whispers, his voice raspier than normal
and a little shaky. To think that he’s as emotional over this as I am makes me
happy.
He makes me so happy.
“Thank you for being here.” I squeeze him tighter when he goes to pull
away. “Thank you for… getting me here.”
When we separate, I catch a crease in his forehead, and I just hope he
knows I’m not talking about the football. I’m talking about this… Us.
His eyes are a little bloodshot, and I purse my lips. He’s probably
stoned… as usual. But I have no right to say anything… Not yet, anyway.
The Avi I fell in love with smokes a lot of weed. It’s not a problem for me if
it’s not a problem for him.
“Where’s Bridget?” I ask, slinking my hands down his chest as we put
distance between us.
I want to keep touching him… no matter who’s looking. I’m filled with a
beaming burst of confidence, from the win, and from seeing him now.
Avi’s gaze falls to the floor between us, a shifty air about him as he
mumbles, “She’s up in my hotel room resting. She… wasn’t feeling well. But
she’ll probably come down in a bit.”
My brow furrows. “Oh… Okay. Do you think I should go check on her?”
“No, no.” He shakes his head. “This is your party, baby. You need to be
here celebrating being an NCAA muthafuckin’ champion.” His grin widens,
and I chuckle.
“Do you want a drink? Or something to eat?” I ask, straightening his tie.
His eyes shift left then right, as if he’s uneasy about people seeing us
standing together this way; close, with me fussing over him.
“Avi…” I whisper, and he blinks sparkly blue-gray at me. “I… I want—”
“Yo! Look who’s here!” Guty’s voice booms, and I glance up to see him
barreling over. “Baldwin made an appearance for the win!”
“Guty…” I huff, grinning, though I’m about to tell him not to call Avi
that anymore.
But he grabs Avi by the arm and starts dragging him away. “I want you to
meet my fam-bam.”
Avi shoots me a helpless look, and I chuckle, following after them. Guty
brings Avi over to his mom and brother, who are chatting with Theo and his
dad.
“Congrats on an amazing win,” Avi says to Guty, peeking at Theo. “All
of you… You guys really killed it. I’m not surprised one bit, but just…
congratulations. You deserve it.”
“Hey, they couldn’t have done it without your support at all the home
games!” Guty’s mother, Liz, says, patting Avi on the shoulder.
Our faces all scrunch in confusion as Guty asks, “Wait, how’d you know
he’s the mascot??”
“We met at the game,” Liz says with a smile. “He was sitting in front of
us.” Her face tilts to me. “With your sister.”
“Ah…” I nod, while Guty does the same, and Theo introduces Avi to his
dad.
“I love your moves,” Guty’s brother, Marco, says to Avi, and Avi
chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck.
He definitely seems a little tense, but it makes sense in this situation. This
isn’t normally the kind of thing Avi likes to do. But he’s doing it for me,
which has warm tingles flooding my chest.
Liz nudges me, whispering, “Is this your boyfriend?” Her eyes flick to
Avi, lips curled in an eager grin.
Avi’s eyes widen and he gapes at me like he’s not sure what would make
her ask that.
My jaw drops, but before I can respond, Guty scoffs, “Mama! No esta su
novio. Avi is Kyran’s stepbrother.”
Her face goes still, the smile falling away as her forehead lines in
confusion. I can feel heat rising into my cheeks, and normally this would be
the time for me to retreat into myself, coughing up some bullshit excuse;
some lie that doesn’t feel good, but will help preserve the Kyran Harbor
image everyone else sees.
But… I don’t want to do that anymore.
I don’t want to lie anymore.
 No more hiding.
“Actually…” I croak, then clear my throat, reaching for Avi’s hand. It’s
clammy, and I can feel his fingers shaking as I thread mine through them,
yanking him closer to me. “She’s right.”
“Kyran…” Avi whispers frantically, shaking his head. “You don’t have to
do this. Not now…”
“I do, though.” My lips quirk into a small smile, to let him know I’m fine.
It’s okay. I can do this. “I have to. I mean, I want to…”
“Ky, what’s going on?” Theo tilts his head, his eyes falling to Avi’s and
my joined hands.
Peering at him, then Guty, I take in a small breath while they all gawk at
me in silence. I won’t say my heart isn’t racing, because it is. But it feels
good.
It’s the way my heart races on the field. With millions of eyes and lights
shining down on me… I exhale and I’m calm. Focused.
I squeeze Avi’s hand.
Slow down, and let him catch you.
“We’re together,” I speak quietly, then straighten. “He’s my boyfriend.
I’m his…” My voice trails, and I peek at Avi, watching his lips slope into a
timid smile. “I’m his boyfriend.”
“You’re so much fucking more than that,” he breathes, and my heart
jumps as I reach for his jaw.
“I know,” I sigh, pulling his mouth to mine.
Kissing him. Fucking kissing him, in front of everyone.
I think I actually hear Guty gasp out loud, and I chuckle into Avi’s mouth
while he laughs back, hands sliding up my neck.
“My baby,” he hums while our lips brush in just enough kiss for it to feel
like a revelation. Not enough to scare the shit out of my teammates and their
families, all of whom I know are now staring at us.
“Yours,” I tell him as he moves back, and I press one more soft kiss on his
mouth because I’m not done. Not even close.
“Ho-ly fuck!” Guty shouts, a shocked smile taking over his face.
“Samson!” Liz scolds him.
“Is this really happening…?” Theo’s eyes have never been wider.
“I freaking knew it!” Guty claps his hands together. “I knew you two were
hiding something… After the way you spazzed on Ash Holloway at the
party!”
 “Yea, but you didn’t know they were banging,” Theo grunts.
“Theodore,” his dad grumbles, and Theo makes a face.
Then his head slopes right, to where even more people are gathering
around us, including Coach Matthews. My hands slip down Avi’s chest while
his do the same, and we separate, but not much. Leaning into him, I link my
fingers with his, holding his hand again, to let him know we’re in this now.
No matter what happens… it’s us.
Kyran and Avi… we’re real now.
Coach looks to Avi, raising a brow. “You couldn’t just let us have one
party, could you?” He scoffs, but I can see the amusement on his face, and
Avi shows him a tense grin, shrugging.
Coach glances at the crowd, his eyes lingering for a moment, before they
zero in on me. “We might need to talk in private, Harbor…”
I nod, swallowing hard. “I get that, Coach. I know how this looks, but I…
I don’t care.” I square my shoulders, locking my confident gaze with his.
“Right now, I just want to celebrate the win with my friends. And my
boyfriend.”
His eyes narrow at me. But then he nods, letting out a sigh. “Yea. You
deserve it.” Spinning, he flicks a hand at the crowd, shooing people away.
“Alright, let’s give the kids some space.”
A bunch of my teammates are still glaring, whispering to each other. I
definitely hear the word stepbrother a few times, and OnlyFans more than a
few. But I ignore it all, tugging Avi along, over to a table so we can take a
seat.
Naturally, Guty follows us.
“Do your parents know??” he asks, plopping down in the seat next to Avi
that I was going to sit in. Avi grins, and I chuckle, shaking my head while I
round him to sit on the other side.
“No one knows,” Avi murmurs, giving me a look like I’m insane for just
dropping this bomb, right after winning the goddamn Rose Bow. Okay, yea, I
might be a little psycho. “Except Frankie and Ky’s sister.”
“Do you think they’re gonna freak?” Guty asks.
But I answer, “I don’t care.” Scooting in closer to Avi, I rest my head on
his shoulder.
Because I’m finally calm. It’s like a shot of serenity, being with him like
this. Out in the open and not caring. Sweet, peaceful transparency.
Guty’s grin is nothing but supportive. Honestly, he looks beyond happy
for us, and it’s such a relief. He leans in closer and whispers, “Are you
Not_Your_Baby?”
Avi laughs while I tuck my face into his chest, shaking my head. “My
client refrains from answering any further questions,” he teases, rubbing my
back.
At that moment, Theo stomps over and plops into the seat next to Guty
with a stressed breath and a bottle in his hand. “Anyone else wanna get
drunk?”
Peeking up at Avi, I bite my lip at the sight of his sweet smile. It still
looks a bit strained, and there’s something troubling in his eyes that I can’t
quite pinpoint. But he seems happy, with his fingers running up into my hair.
“I could go for a drink,” he says to Theo, who’s pouring bourbon into the
water glasses on the table.
Theo goes to hand him a glass, but he yanks it back before Avi can take
it. “Did you two hook up at my party?” He cocks a brow.
Avi pulls an innocent look that I see right through. “What would make
you think that?”
“Bea said she left you two alone in the bathroom.” He grins, then
chuckles. “And it looked like Ky was about to murder you.”
“Yea, no. He totally kicked my ass.” Avi smirks, and Guty laughs.
“Right.” Theo smirks. “I’m sure ass was involved in some way.”
Avi gasps in faux outrage while I cackle and Guty hollers.
The four of us drink for a while, talking and laughing. More teammates
come over to take shots, and celebrate our big win. And some of them look a
little uncomfortable. But most of them are acting normal; smiling and
supportive. Sure, they won’t stop incessantly prying Avi for details about the
OnlyFans, but I guess that’s to be expected. Since he’s the disgraced porn
king of BC.
More than anything, I’m just weightless. As if thousands of pounds have
been lifted from my shoulders. I’m okay with the reality that not everyone
will accept me for who I am, and I understand that I’ll have to answer
questions about the nature of my relationship with Avi, since he’s my
stepbrother. But none of that matters when his hands are on me in public.
That bubble of private intimacy we built up over months of hooking up in
secret is now out in the open. It surrounds us, keeping us together and
secluded from all the people.
It’s fascinating… In a crowded room, we’re still Backwardz_Cap and
Not_Your_Baby. Only with clothes on.
As the night wears on, the team gets rowdier. And eventually, Guty and
Theo announce that they want to go raise hell somewhere else.
“Let’s go rip shots in the hotel room while we decide where to go.” Guty
pokes me repeatedly.
Chuckling, I peer at Avi, who’s watching me carefully with studious eyes.
He’s been looking at me like that all night, and I don’t really know where it’s
coming from.
It’s like he’s trying to read every inch of me to make sure I’m alright.
“Okay.” I shoot Avi a quick glance, then nod to Guty. “I’ll meet you in a
few.”
“Oh God… you’re going to get laid, aren’t you??” Guty groans, and Avi
laughs.
Theo whips his drink back, his face all flushed. There’s something going
on with him, but I can’t worry about it right now. Because yea… I really
wanna go get laid.
“None of your business, chile.” I wink at Guty, grabbing Avi by the arm
and pulling him with me.
Guty slurs to Theo, “They’re going to be gay together,” and Theo coughs
into his drink while Guty bursts into laughter.
“Your friends are almost as ridiculous as mine,” Avi mumbles while we
leave the room, powerwalking through the halls to the nearest elevator.
“It’s not a competition, baby,” I tease.
Pressing the elevator button a million times, I’m vibrating. Impatient, and
needing to be alone with him right now before I combust. After everything…
The game, and then coming out in front of the entire team, not to mention
how hard-up I am, not having had his dick in me in way too many days… I’m
really gonna have to focus on not coming too soon. Because I’m in desperate
need of a slow dose right now.
The way his body eases everything inside me, all my restlessness and
uncertainty. He quite literally fucks my troubles away.
“Wow, baby,” Avi chuckles as the elevator dings and I shove him inside.
“You’re that wound up for me?”
Nodding, I crowd him as the doors close. And we’re alone, with just
enough time for me to push him up against the wall and kiss his lips like a
wild animal.
“I can’t help it,” I breathe in between sucking his mouth, feeding him my
tongue while my hands rush all over, savoring the slopes and curves of hard
muscle I can feel through his clothes. “You haven’t fucked me in so long,
Avi… I’m having withdrawals.”
“I know.” He grabs my ass hard in two handfuls that have me grunting
between his lips. “I should’ve just fucked you after that dance the other
night…”
“Yea…” I whisper. “You should have. Oh, and P.S.… I’m wearing
something special for you.” I grin, and he hums.
“Mmm… it better be my Christmakkah gift.” His fingers dig into my
cheeks, and I’m trembling.
“Bare ass ready for you, baby,” I tease.
The way he growls is downright slaughtering me.
The elevator doors open while we’re still pawing at each other, and we
force ourselves apart, scampering up the hall to his room.
“Fuck… Bridget,” I breathe while he fishes the room key out of his
pocket, maneuvering around an obvious erection.
He shoots me a quick, nervous look, opening the door and peering inside.
“Bridget?” I call out, stomping around in search of any sign of my sister.
But it doesn’t look like she’s here. “Bridges of Madison County??”
“Those nicknames are insane.” Avi chuckles, and I smirk at him.
“She must have left…” I bite my lip, sauntering up to him slowly. My
hands glide up his chest, around his shoulders as I brush my crotch against
his. Leaning in close to his ear, I flick the lobe with my tongue. “Bed. Now,
please.”
“Baby…” he rumbles, almost hesitantly, and I just can’t figure out why
he’s acting withdrawn and nervous.
At the party, sure. That made sense. But now? We’re alone. Alone is our
thing.
Avi is never reserved when we’re alone. But right now, it’s like he’s
pulling away.
His hands cup my jaw, and he stares deep into my eyes for a moment,
chest moving with visible breaths. He’s searching for something in my
eyes…
It has me looking away. “Unless you don’t want to…”
“What?” he rumbles as I pull away from him, turning my back because I
don’t want him to look at me like that anymore.
Like he knows even my happiest moments are marred by underlying
brokenness.
“Did I put too much pressure on you down there, or something?” I rub the
back of my neck, shaking my head. Stupid idiot…
I don’t know how to be with a guy. I guess I should be playing it cooler?
Avi stomps up to my back and spins me around. “No. Absolutely not.” I
try to look away again, but he grabs my face. “Hey… I love you. Kyran, I am
so fucking proud of you for what did down there. I love you so damn much
for doing that. I just want to make sure it’s not moving too fast for you. I
mean, Kyran from a few weeks ago never would have kissed me in front of
his teammates and his Coach…”
“I don’t wanna be Kyran from a few weeks ago,” I murmur quietly. “I
want to be the Kyran I am when I’m with you. The real Kyran… who isn’t
afraid anymore.”
Avi pouts, and then chews on his lip for a moment. I can’t distinguish
what’s different between us… But there’s something, and it’s twisting me up
in knots.
Should we have just stayed a secret?? Did I ruin everything again??
But before I can let the doubts keep growing, Avi loosens his tie,
swooping it over his head and flinging it. Then he unbuttons his shirt, licking
his lips while our eyes meld together in need.
Shrugging out of my jacket, I begin undressing with him, the only sounds
in the room the rustle of clothing coming off and our mutual wanton breaths.
“I’m so fucking hungry for you…” he whispers, working on my belt and
my pants while I slip out of my dress shirt.
“Please don’t stop.” I smoosh myself into him, grasping at his hair while
my lips graze his throat.
“Don’t stop what…?” he rasps. The way his fingers slip my belt slowly
through the loops has my dick aching against his.
“Anything… Everything,” I breathe. “Just don’t stop, Avi.”
“I won’t stop, baby,” he whispers.
My phone makes a noise in my pocket, and I pause sucking and biting on
his neck to check it. “It might be Bridget. I just want to make sure she’s
feeling okay.”
His eyes are awfully round as he watches me checking the new text. It is
from Bridget.
The second I read it, the whole world slows down, clucking and chugging
like an engine running out of fuel.
 Fear grips the inside of my chest as my eyes slowly slide back up to
Avi’s.
He’s really gnawing on his lip, though he pauses it long enough to
mumble, “Is it… her?” My head moves in a subtle nod. “What did she
say…?”
He’s staring at me, eyes shimmering something I’ve never seen on him
before. Something I never wanted to see on him…
Something I’ve only ever seen from a handful of people.
Oh my God… He fucking knows.
He knows.
My legs want to give out, knees rattling and my fingers shaking as I
manage to croak the words, “She said… I’m sorry for telling Avi.” My jaw
tightens and my gaze drops back to the phone to read her text, word for word.
“Please don’t blame him. It’s my fault. He deserves to know. I love you so
much, Kyran… I just need you to be…” And I pause before breathing the
word, “Okay.”
The pressure in my skull is blurring my vision as my phone slips from my
fingers onto the floor with a clunk. I back up slowly.
“Kyran… Please,” he says, softly, like someone who’s trying to stop a
vicious psychopath from attacking. “Let’s just talk about this. We can talk
about it…”
“Talk about what…?” I mumble, covering my face with my hands,
backing up farther. “There’s nothing to… talk about.”
My legs hit the couch, and I crash down onto it. Avi stomps over,
kneeling on the floor before me. But I can’t look at him.
I don’t want to.
“Baby, just hear me, okay? Hear what I’m saying…” His hands grip my
thighs, and he rubs them with his fingers. “This changes nothing. Nothing is
different between you and me. I just… I just care about you, that’s all.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about…” I whimper into my palms,
breathing lies all over the lines of my roadmap.
“Kyran, I’m sorry,” he gasps. “I’m sorry I found out from Bridget, and
not from you. Baby, I understand why you didn’t want to tell me, but I’m
trying to tell you that it doesn’t matter. I just love you, and I want you to feel
safe with me.”
My hands whip away from my face fast and I glare at him. “Why
wouldn’t I feel safe with you?? Are you fucking serious?! So what, just
because… You think you know about something my sister told you
happened, that means now I’m some fragile, wounded child?!”
He blinks, stunned, like he has no idea what to say.
I hate this. I fucking hate this!
This! This is why I didn’t want him to know, God-fucking-damnit!
Because now he’s looking at me like that.
“I used the wrong words,” he mumbles, shaking his head. “I fucked up.
Okay? That wasn’t what I meant. I meant that I want you to feel comfortable
talking to me. If you want to! Only if you want to. That’s it…”
My head won’t stop shaking back and forth, my eyes finding anything in
the room to look at other than his face.
“Baby, listen to me…” Avi crawls up onto the couch, straddling my hips.
Sitting on my lap, he grasps my face, forcing my eyes to his. “I love you,
Kyran. I love you so fucking much, and that is never ever going to change.
No matter what happens, no matter what I learn about you… Baby, you’re it
for me. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved this way. Do you know how
special that makes you??”
The thickness is my throat is making it hard to swallow. My mind is
racing with thoughts of what he must be thinking… What my sister must
have told him.
I don’t know what details he knows, or how much she said, but either
way, it’s too much. I feel like a fucking idiot for thinking I could be happy, in
a relationship with someone…
I should’ve known. I don’t deserve to be happy with him.
“Kyran,” he hums, and I blink hard. “Talk to me. Just tell me you’re
okay…”
“Stop treating me different,” I whimper with tears threatening to push out
of my eye sockets. “Stop… looking at me. I don’t want you to see how
broken I am…”
“You are not broken.” He shifts on top of me, his movements almost
panicked with how badly he’s trying to prove this to me. “You are the most
badass person I’ve ever met. Are you kidding me?? You just won the fucking
Rose Bowl. You did, Kyran Harbor. You just came out in front of your entire
team, like a boss. No fucks to give. If you’re broken, then we should all be so
fucking broken, because goddamn, Kyran… you’re incredible.”
My heart is jumping like crazy. I want to believe what he’s saying… I
want to.
 But now that I know he knows, it’s like everything has changed. I can’t
stop feeling like he’s coddling me now, and I hate it.
This is my curse, my infinite burden that fucking scumbag saddled me
with. As if it wasn’t enough… What he did to me. And now I have to walk
around like this for the rest of my life, either holding in the truth, or worrying
that the people who know will look at me like a victim.
I don’t know what to do, so I nod slowly, swallowing and swallowing like
I’m afraid I might throw up.
“Babe… are you here with me?” Avi whispers, brushing his fingers
through my hair.
I nod again. But I can’t speak.
“I love you,” he breathes, sealing himself to me with his lips in my ear.
Our chests bump together, and it moves my dick, reminding me of how
badly I wanted to be naked with him before my stupid fucking past popped
up to ruin it all.
Avi’s tongue grazes my earlobe, and then he sucks it between his lips,
humming as his erection drags on mine through our pants.
“Tell me what you want right now…” He writhes into me. “Anything in
the fucking world, and I’ll do it for you, gorgeous.”
Can you turn back time, Aviel??
I’m so fucking torn up. Part of me is devastated, but the other part just
wants that luscious sex only he gives me… so badly I can’t even think.
“Can we… go into the bed?” I ask, forcing myself past it, fighting to
ignore the truth hanging over us like a raincloud.
He nods, and slides off of me, taking me by the hand. He pulls me to
stand, walking us over to the bedroom of his hotel suite, only letting go to
shove his pants down his legs.
Crawling into the bed, he kneels, in nothing but his black boxer briefs,
looking so fucking sexy, my dick is pushing against the front of my dress
slacks. Avi slides his tongue over his full, pink bottom lip, watching me
tentatively step closer until I’m at the edge of the bed. Then his fingers
slowly push my already unbuttoned pants down over my ass, marveling at the
jockstrap I’m wearing… The gift he gave me for Christmakkah.
I can’t even enjoy it… because I’m too up in my head.
I sniff, swallowing back the emotion and the doubt, working up the
strength to ask him, “What did Bridget tell you… exactly?”
Avi’s face springs up to mine, giving me a nervous look while I remove
my shoes, then step out of my pants.
“Babe, we don’t have to do this…” he says calmly.
My teeth grind together. “Just say it, Avi. Say the fucking words.”
Avi looks like an Avi I don’t know. Sad, angry, uncomfortable… So
many things that aren’t the Avi I fell in love with, and it’s destroying me. I
did this to him.
I ruined him with my truth.
The mound is his throat bobs before he murmurs, “She told me about the
time she found you in the bathroom when you were twelve…”
My brows zip together, and I swallow a whimper. I can see that day… I
can still see it, as if it just happened five minutes ago.
I’d gone through that entire morning and afternoon in a fog. My body was
achy in different places, but I barely even noticed it because I felt numb. Like
a lifeless husk shuffling through the day.
We’d packed up and left camp, and my friend Rob’s mom gave me a ride
home. I went upstairs, stripped down, and immediately went into the
bathroom. I turned the shower on and stared at myself in the mirror for
minutes. But I didn’t recognize myself.
This isn’t you…
This is not your body.
Who is this person??
When I got into the shower, everything started to swim and I guess I
passed out for a second, which is what sent Bridget bursting into the room.
She got me dressed, and brought me to her bedroom. It smelled like that
candle…
The Avi candle.
She wrapped me in her comforter, and held me while I shook, and
whispered…
“Something happened.”
“Kyran.” Avi slips his fingers through mine, bringing my hand over his
heart. “Remember what I said, okay? You can tell me whatever you want, or
you can not tell me shit. We can lie here in this bed together, or you can take
my body and use it in any way you want to. We can order sushi, or we can
watch The Departed… I’m telling you, I love you, Kyran Harbor. Anything in
the world that you want, I will give to you. But not just right now… Always.”
My heart swells, pumping through its weak, diseased parts at the sheer
love of this man. This man who is technically my family… But who loves me
in a way my own family never has. And then some.
He loves me like a brother, and a friend. He loves me like the boyfriend I
never thought I could have, because I thought it was wrong.
Avi Vega is everything I’ve ever needed…
I just wish I couldn’t tell that he sees me differently now.
Kneeling on the bed, I grab his face and kiss him slowly, reclining and
pulling him on top of me. Avi sinks into me, settling his big, warm body
between my legs and grinding his cock on mine through the material of both
of our underwear.
I want him so badly right now. All I want, in the world, is for him to fuck
me the way he has been. Like the fans are watching…
Our kisses are heating up, greedy mouths and curious tongues tempting
and teasing as he slides his boxers down and kicks them off. He peers
between us to admire the sight of me in the jock, my hard dick straining and
pushing against it. His fingers slip over my cock, gripping and squeezing it
while I mewl.
“I missed this big, sweet cock,” he rumbles into my mouth. “So huge, the
jock can barely contain you, baby.”
I whimper while he continues to play with me, teasing my erection until
my hips are lifting for more. Avi tugs the material aside, freeing my eager
cock. Then he presses his up to mine. And when our dicks touch, we both
groan, Avi’s hand circling them and jerking them together.
“Such a thick, beautiful cock,” he sighs, fingers playing with the skin
around my head. “I missed how it leaks for me when I do this…”
He uses his thumb to tease my tip every time it pushes out, and I shiver,
pulses of precum dripping from me all over his fingers. Using his left hand,
he pushes the fat head of his cock up to where mine is peeking out. And then
he stuffs it into my foreskin, like he’s feeding his cock mine.
His head tips back and he moans, going to town and really rubbing them
together, like a seesaw of pleasure before he gives up, leaning down and
taking my cock into his mouth.
He’s enamored by my uncut cock… I think it’s safe to say Avi’s always
had a thing for it, but the way he stuffs his tongue inside and really swirls it
around has my eyes rolling back in my skull. He’s almost brutal with how he
stretches the skin back with his lips, slinking his tongue in and swirling it
around my swollen head, sucking and sucking like he wants to get his whole
mouth inside.
 My toes are curling, fingers lacing in his hair while he grinds his
dribbling cock all over my thigh. “Avi… B-baby…”
“Talk to me, gorgeous,” he rasps in between spearing his tongue into the
skin around my crown. “Use your filthy mouth to tell me how you want it.”
“Ffuck…” My back arches, feeling an orgasm coming on already. So I
stop him by yanking his hair. He pops off my dick with a groan. “I want your
cock in me… Please.”
“Yea?” He sits back, flipping his mussy hair over to one side. “How?”
Reaching over to the nightstand, he picks up a tube of Astroglide, gazing
down at me while my chest shudders.
“Push it in slow,” I whisper, and he bites his lip, soaking his fingers and
rubbing it all over his dick. My eyes are stuck on this long, swollen piece of
him as I rumble, “I want to feel the curve of that plush pink head on every
inch of my insides… All those veins. Let my ass swallow them whole.”
Avi’s eyes fall shut, and he releases a shivering breath. Parting my legs
wide, I lift my hips a bit, offering him my body, because I want him to have
it. I need to make sure he knows… I’m his. Because I want to be.
“Baby, you are so beautiful,” he breathes, rushing his hands up my thighs,
then my hips, caressing all the muscles in my torso. He grabs my hips hard,
dragging me closer to him. I gasp, and he growls, kneeling between my legs
and grinding into me so that our balls are rubbing together. He falls over me,
kissing my lips while he positions his cock between my cheeks through the
opening in my jock. “Nothing has ever made me has hard as knowing I get to
fuck you, Kyran Harbor.”
Lashes fluttering, I tip back while he kisses and nips my throat, our
bodies pressed together as he stuffs his slick cock up to my ass, nudging
gently.
“Let me in this sweet, tight hole, baby,” he breathes, and I whimper. My
hands are all over his shoulders and in his hair, and he grabs one, lacing our
fingers. “You love me, don’t you?”
“I love you so much,” I choke, relaxing just enough for him to tunnel
inside.
And I purr out a shaky sound, intoxicated by the burn of him entering me.
“Oh fuck, Kyran, feel it…” he rasps, pushing in more, slowly, just like I
asked, stretching my body open for him. It’s euphoric, the way he lights my
entire body on fire like the stroke of a match. “Feel my dick loving your
ass…”
 “Mmmffuuuck, Avi… Yes. Yes, baby, your dick is… good.” I have no
idea what I’m even saying, all I know is that this is exactly what I’ve been
missing.
He does that sexy, throaty chuckle, swiping his tongue over my lips. “It’s
a good dick?”
I nod fast. “A very fucking good dick…”
Since the last time we were together, all I’ve thought about was doing this
again. In fact, every second of every day since the first time he fucked me, all
I’ve wanted was to feel him in me like this… Pumping me full in that painful
stab of ecstasy that brushes on my sensitive spot and sends waves of booming
thunder through my loins.
He’s barely halfway in and I feel like I could come. Because I do love this
feeling… Whether I’m supposed to or not, I don’t care. It’s a wholeness,
completion. I’m complete when he fucks me in the ass.
Avi is groaning and gasping above me, giving it to me slow, feeding me
his inches with hair hanging in his face. I lift my free hand and hold his jaw,
tugging his mouth to mine so I can cry his name between his sweet, soft lips.
He makes it all the way inside, the warm skin of his pelvis, with that sexy
V of muscles tapping against my balls where he has them hanging out of my
underwear. And my head flickers something at me… an awareness, floating
back to the surface.
But I shake it away quick, biting down on his lower lip. “Only you,
Avi…”
“You’re only mine, Kyran Harbor,” he whispers back right away, shifting
his hips to lance my prostate with that burning hot, rock-solid muscle.
My entire body shivers. My stomach clenches, and my toes curl in my
socks.
“Uhhmmfuck, fuck fuck fuck…” I sputter as my dick shoots off and I
start coming.
Already. After like two seconds.
“Oh, baby, that’s so sexy.” He moves his hips just enough, letting me
clench on his cock over and over while my dick sprays cum between us.
“You can’t help but come with my cock in you, huh, love? You come so
good with me in you…”
“K-keep g-going,” I stutter, slapping my hand onto his ass. “Keep fucking
me. Make me c-come again.”
Avi growls, dropping his mouth onto my throat, biting and sucking while
his hips move, stroking his dick in me as the high from an unexpected orgasm
fizzles off. It feels like too much at first. I’m sensitive all over, my cock
softening a bit while he ruts into me.
But his thrusts build me back up. His mouth trails down to my chest and
he sucks on my nipples, licking up all the cum he can reach.
“As if you think I can’t.” He picks up the pace with a salacious curve to
his lips. “I’ll make you come so many times you won’t be able to walk
tomorrow.”
“Fuck, Avi,” I whine out hoarsely, lifting my hips so he can really pound
me. “Baby, I love how you fuck me. Fuck me forever…”
“You drive me crazy, gorgeous thing,” he grunts, pace steadily increasing
with each drive until he’s rocking into me so hard the mattress is moving.
“I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you always…”
My dick is already filling back up quick, stiffening and swelling at the
feel of his abs sliding on it. Lifting my hips, I wrap my legs around his waist
and cling to him. Our bodies are sweating together, muscles straining, grunts
and groans and the slapping of his skin against mine serenading us in
salacious music.
My body is winding up again, and judging by the way he’s gripping the
comforter and drilling into me, harder and harder, I’d say he’s probably close
to coming himself.
His forehead drops to mine, our lips hovering.
“Avi…” I purr his name.
“Kyran,” he whimpers like he’s about to burst.
“I want more…” I take his hand and move it down. “In my ass. I want
even more of you in me…”
“You’re so fucking hot, baby,” he whispers, slowly sliding his fingers
down to where we’re joined. “You mean here…?”
I nod fast, going out of my mind with need. I just want so much more
right now, and I can’t even understand it. I want his entire body inside me.
“If it hurts, tell me to stop,” he breathes, tracing a circle around his cock
as it stretches me open.
But I think I want it to hurt. I want more of the burn, and I want it from
him. He’s the only one…
Avi grabs the lube and squirts more onto his fingers, then mumbles,
“Relax your muscles, baby…”
My head is spinning off my body as he touches his dick with his wet
fingers, teasing where he’s sliding in and out. And I love him even more now
for how he’s just being Avi.
He’s not different. He still loves me, and he’s not going soft on me. He’s
giving me what I want, just like he said he would.
Avi’s fingers nudge at me, trying to sneak inside with his cock. But it’s
not immediate. Not even close. It takes some going, and even then, it doesn’t
seem like it’s going to work until he leans back, lifting my hips up even
higher so that my ass is resting on his thighs.
My legs are up in the air, calves on his shoulders. It’s kind of the most
vulnerable position I’ve been in with him… Having my feet up by his head.
But then he tilts his face left and kisses my calf. And something about it
mollifies me. The way he’s so intimate, even when we’re fucking dirty like
this… it has me melting.
And then his fingers slip inside me. Two of them. With his dick.
“Ohh… oh fuck, Avi. B-baby…” I whimper, and he groans, kissing my
leg some more.
“Goddamnit… fuck that feels incredible. You like being stuffed full of
me, baby?”
“Yea… fuck yea. More…”
“More?”
“One more…”
“Okay… One more in your warm, tight cunt.”
“Fffuck! Avi, fuck me…” I’m choking, screaming, panting, and being
way too loud.
His fingers stretch me open wide while his dick pumps in and out, driving
my next orgasm right up to the surface.
“I’m gonna come in you, Ky,” he whines, gripping and pulling the elastic
waistband of my jockstrap with his free hand as he moves in steady thrusts
between my legs. “I’m gonna fill you deep…”
“Breed me,” I gasp.
And that’s it. Game over for Avi.
His eyes flutter shut, gnawing on his lower lip to keep in his sobs. I feel
him bursting inside me, his dick swelling and throbbing as he pumps his cum
deep into my body.
I fucking love watching him come… The way his muscles constrict and
the way his lips shiver while he’s singing my name… The way his hips slow
just enough for it to really feel like he’s working it out into me.
 “You’re so fucking sexy,” I whisper, and he pulls his fingers out of my
ass, prompting a gasp from my lips.
They’re all slick and shiny with lube, and his cum. And he brings them up
to my cock, curling his fist around my erection and stroking me with the slow
pumps of his hips.
“Come again for me, baby. I need you to… come again.” He falls over
me, kissing my lips.
“I’m almost… th-there.” I kiss the words into his mouth, and he groans.
“Say it first, Kyran.”
“I… I love you,” I whimper, moving my hips forward and back, fucking
his fist and riding against his dick, chasing my next orgasm that’s so fucking
close. “I love you, Avi Vega.”
“Mmm… I love you so hard, Kyran Harbor.”
The climax rushes up. It crests, and it breaks, sending me tumbling once
more. My dick shoots more cum onto my abs while Avi strokes it out,
collapsing onto me as we breathe and hold each other, hearts hammering
through our chests.
I’m warm. Warm everywhere… And tranquil, in a way that only Avi can
make me.
See? This is specific to him.
He is the only one. He’s the first, and the only.
Shaking away my lingering uncertainties, I watch Avi with sleepy eyes as
he pulls out of me, massaging my legs and my hips, gazing hypnotized at
what I’m guessing is his cum dripping out of my ass. Then he eases himself
down onto the bed by my side with a hum, wrapping his arms around my
waist to pull me into him.
“Another mess?” I breathe, nestling up to his front, pressing soft kisses on
his sternum.
He chuckles. “You know we’re very messy.” An easy grin settles on my
lips while his fingers brush through my hair. “Kyran… Today was incredible,
baby. Being with you is like a dream come true, and I mean that.”
The high from our sex is covering us like a shimmer of diamond dust, and
I just want it to stay like this. I don’t want to ever lose this with him…
He peeks at me. “Do you believe me?”
There’s hesitation. I can’t help it, it’s just there. It’s the insecurity of
knowing that he knows just how scarred I am. And I can’t fucking stand the
nagging thought that won’t fucking go away…
 He thinks he wasn’t really your first…
“Kyran, please…” His eyes shine with desperation. “Please don’t think
this changes anything. It doesn’t. You’re mine, baby. I’m not giving you up,
ever. No matter what.”
I nod subtly, believing him. Something’s shifted, I know it has. But it
hasn’t stopped him from loving me, and I need to find solace in that.
“I really love you, Avi.” I kiss the truth onto his smooth skin. “I hope you
know that.”
“I do,” his voice rumbles into me while he takes my hand. “I know.”
“Seriously,” I hum, peering up at him. “All you’ve ever done is open the
door for me over and over… This broken, crumbled mess. And every time,
you pull me in and sit there trying to glue me back together. And you didn’t
even know why I was smashed to bits in the first place.” I shake my head,
resting my cheek over his heart. “You’re like…”
“A masochistic Bob the Builder?” he rumbles, and I snort a laugh.
“Avi…” I start speaking, but my voice dries up in my throat when I see
him, staring down at me with the most beautiful color of shining love in his
eyes.
I know that he’s serious. That he loves me no matter what, and maybe he
always will.
Maybe we could go the distance. Have a future… We’re still young, but
it’s not impossible. And nothing would make me happier than to try with
him.
But he doesn’t deserve uncertainty. He doesn’t deserve doubt. He doesn’t
deserve to be handed the same broken pieces over and over again.
He deserves a whole person to love. Not someone who’s terrified of even
speaking the truth to him.
I want to… I want to be able to cough up the words. To confide in him,
like he said.
Avi, he… He…
But I can’t even say the words in my mind. How am I ever going to say
them out loud??
The most I can get out is his name. “Avi…”
And he blinks his pretty eyes at me, long, dark lashes fluttering in wait.
But still… I’m only just putting my shoes on. Never making it out the
door.
So I whisper, “I love you.” Because it’s the only truth I can get out right
now.
And Avi takes it, because he’s sweet, and sincere, and he loves me.
I feel him falling asleep with his lips in my hair, his calming breaths
lulling me, just like my sister’s did that day, the same scent enveloping me.
I’m in a place I never thought I’d be… Comfortable, finally, with my
sexuality. Avi is the one who helped me get there. My biggest fan.
I’ve finally stopped running from it… from him, and his love.
It might be time that I also stopped running from myself.
 Smooches13: Pleaseee bring back the OF! Dying w/o you n Not_Your_Baby!
Hunt3rboiiii: Hey Backwardz, is Not_Your_Baby your bf??? You need to wife that ASAP
Jello_jiggle: Ur fans miss u!

When my eyes peel open, I have absolutely no idea where I am or what time
it is.
Damn hotel blackout curtains.
Sprawling out in bed, I stretch my arms and yawn, nestling into the
softness of the sheets and the cozy comforter. But as awareness dawns that
I’m alone in bed, I feel around for the smooth skin and muscled limbs of my
boyfriend, only to find nothing but more bed.
I glance at the empty space, sitting up slowly and peering around the dark
room. I don’t see or hear him anywhere.
“Ky?” I call out, hopping out of bed to go check the bathroom. “Kyran?”
The door is open and he’s clearly not in there. Spinning back toward the
living room, I notice that his clothes are gone. Which means he’s gone.
My chest instantly tightens, but I force myself to take a breath and calm
down.
Don’t overreact. He probably just went to get breakfast with the team…
Or maybe he’s in his room packing.
The clock on the nightstand says it’s nine-thirty, which is certainly later
than I’ve ever known Kyran to sleep. He’s an early riser.
He also likes to be packed and ready to go hours before a flight. His is at
one-thirty, and mine is at three. I was planning to go to the airport with him
so we could spend more time together, since I couldn’t get on the same flight.
 He’s probably just in his room changing, or with Guty or something.
Checking my phone for a text that I’m sure is there, my stomach falls a
little when I find no new messages.
I type one to him while rushing into the bathroom.
Me: Hey babe! Where are you?
Me: Did you already eat or should I order us some romantic room service? Ya
know… heart-shaped pancakes, whipped cream and strawberries, the whole
shebang ;)
My eyes are on the screen the entire time I’m brushing my teeth…
Almost three minutes and no reply. He hasn’t even read the messages.
Now I’m starting to worry just a tad.
I decide to put showering on hold until I figure out where he is, jumping
into some clothes and dashing out of the room. The team rooms are two
floors above mine, so I stalk up to the elevator, pressing the button a dozen
times rapidly.
This is stupid. Why are you freaking out?? He’s probably with—
“Guty,” I breathe his name when the elevator doors open and I find him
standing there in his workout gear, all sweaty.
Guty grins. “Sup, bro?” His eyes narrow as he murmurs, “Have a fun
night? I’m guessing you did, since neither of you showed up to hang out…”
I’m not even really listening to him, I’m too busy peering inside the
elevator for any sign of Kyran before stepping inside with him. “Yea, it was
great. Was Kyran at the gym with you?”
His forehead creases. “No… I thought he was with you.”
My breathing picks up. “He was last night, but when I woke up, he was
gone. I just figured he was with you.”
Guty’s eyes widen nervously. “I haven’t seen him since you guys took off
last night.”
Sucking in a breath to calm my racing pulse, I pull my phone out of my
pocket. Still hasn’t even read my texts… What the fuck is going on??
“It’s fine. He’s probably in the room right now,” Guty says as the elevator
doors open, and I dive out into the hall. “He probably showed up to pack
while I was working out.”
“I hope so…” I whisper, anxiously following him to his room.
My heart is climbing high up into my throat, a feeling of mortal dread
attempting to take over my body as Guty opens the door to their room and we
both storm inside.
 “Ky?” I call out, looking all around everywhere. “Kyran??”
“Yo, Nueve, you here, bro??”
But he’s not. He’s not here.
“Okay, I’m freaking out…” I rake my fingers through my hair.
“It’s fine. Relax. Maybe he’s with Theo.” Guty taps on his phone screen,
and it starts ringing. He peeks at me. “You tried calling him?”
“I texted him…” I mutter, chewing on my lip. “He hasn’t even read them
yet, and it’s been like twenty minutes.”
Guty gives me a look that isn’t making me feel any better.
“Yo,” Theo’s voice comes over the speakerphone.
“Hey, are you with Ky?” Guty asks him.
“No…” Theo says in a bemused tone. “I thought he was with Avi.”
I’m pacing in circles while Guty tells him, “Avi can’t find him.”
There’s some shuffling over the line, and Theo whispers something I
can’t make out.
“Are you in your room?” Guty asks.
“Yea… I mean, no. I went for a run now I’m… getting coffee.” he
mumbles something again, like he’s covering the phone while talking to
someone else.
“Dude, what the hell are you doing??” Guty barks at him.
“Nothing! I’m fine,” Theo grunts. “I haven’t seen Ky, but I’ll call you if I
do.”
Guty rolls his eyes, pacing the same sorts of circles that I’m making while
he mutters, “Okay, yea. Thanks.”
He hangs up the phone, then rubs his eyes. And when his hand moves
away, he’s blinking at something.
“What??” I ask, jittering from head to toe.
“His stuff is gone…” Guty stomps over to one of the beds. He bends,
looking around, opening drawers and tossing stuff around. “His bag,
everything. It’s gone.”
What the fuck?? Why would his stuff be gone?!
“Jesus,” I grunt, shaking fingers unlocking my phone and placing a call to
Kyran.
It goes straight to voicemail.
“Fuck,” I whimper, covering my face.
This can’t be right. Why would he leave…??
“Did you guys fight or something??” Guty asks, and my eyes dart in his
direction.
“No, everything was…” My words trail as I recall last night. What really
happened… “Fine.”
Yes, we had a stressful night, what with the revelation of Kyran’s past
finally being exposed. But it seemed like everything was okay. I assured him
as best as I possibly could that I love him no matter what, and that he can talk
to me if he wants to. Then we had amazing, hot, sweaty, filthy sex, and he
fell asleep in my arms.
I thought we were okay. I know this will be hard for him, since he’s so
used to stuffing it all down and hiding it from the world, but I really thought
he processed what I was saying… That I’ll be here for him, always, for
whatever he needs.
God, this is fucked. Where is he??
Typing out another text, I hit send.
Me: Baby… please just tell me you’re okay. Your stuff is gone from your hotel
room and I’m really freaking out. I love you Kyran… please.
“You really never saw him grab his stuff?” I ask Guty, scrolling through
my contacts.
Guty appears beyond concerned as he shakes his head. “He must have
gotten it while I was at the gym. Or maybe while I was asleep… I don’t
remember if it was there when I woke up or not…”
Fear of the unknown has me twitching all over as I locate Bridget’s
number and press call. Maybe he went to see his sister…
He had to have. He has to be with her.
“Hello?” Bridget’s voice comes over the line, with a lilt of confusion,
because I don’t think she has my number stored yet.
“Hey, Bridget, it’s Avi.”
“Hey,” she sighs, remorsefully. “Look, I’m sorry for just taking off last
night. All that emotional shit got the best of me, and I just needed to be
alone…”
“Okay, that’s fine, but… is Kyran with you?” I ask her, pleading inside
that he’s there.
He has to be there.
Bridget is quiet for a second before she says, “No. Why…?”
“Fuck,” I huff, heading for the door, shouting to Guty on my way out,
“I’m gonna go back to my room and see if maybe he came back.”
Guty nods, stuck on his phone, his fingers tapping away.
 “Avi, what’s going on??” Bridget demands over the line while my feet
move on autopilot, bringing me back downstairs to my room.
“Kyran’s gone,” I whisper.
And saying the words out loud feels like eight tons of wet cement
dumped on top of me.
He’s gone. He left.
Why would he leave?? Did I do something?
Did I make him leave…?
“What do you mean gone?!” she gasps. “What happened?”
“I don’t fucking know.” Emotion clogs my throat. “He found out that I
know about what happened… Because of your text.”
“Sorry…” she squeaks.
“It’s okay, because it doesn’t matter. That’s what I told him, I pleaded
with him to understand that I don’t care about any of that! I just want to be
here for him. I want to be with him!”
I burst into my hotel room, desperate to see him standing there, giving me
a look like I’m crazy for freaking out so bad over nothing.
But the room is empty.
“Bridget, I gotta go,” I whimper. “Please call me if you hear from him.”
“Yea. You too.”
Taking a slow seat on the couch, I stare at my phone screen, praying to
any and all forces of the universe for him to just read my texts.
Me: Baby where are you…? I just wanna know that you’re safe. I love you so much
Far too many minutes go by, and as much as I’m scared and panicking
inside, I’m too exhausted to even move.
My phone vibrates in my hand, and I jump in relief.
But it’s not Kyran. It’s a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: Hey it’s Guty. I got your number from Bea.
Unknown: Coach just got a message from Kyran… He went home.
I gape at the message until my eyes ache with the need to blink.
Me: He went home?? Why????
Guty: We’re not sure. All he said to Coach was that he changed his flight and went
home.
I’m trying so hard not to read too much into this… Not to let my mind go
to the worst possible conclusion…
But it’s no use. It just keeps crawling up from the back of my brain, the
insecurities and tormented voices becoming too loud to ignore.
He left you.
He ran away again… From you.
Because, as usual, you pushed too hard. You’re just too much… Too
hopeless, too desperate. Chasing him over and over again, when he doesn’t
want to be caught.
Reclining onto my side, I sink into my own despair.
But why would he tell me he loved me?? Why would he openly kiss me in
front of his whole team and tell them all that he’s my boyfriend if he was just
going to turn around and run from me??
My heart aches at the memory of last night… God, it was incredible.
Kissing him out in the open. Feeling the shackles fall from him; from both of
us. We finally became real in that moment.
It wasn’t a secret anymore.
I finally had a boyfriend…
Kyran Harbor was mine.
But that was before he learned that I knew the truth about his past… And
no matter how much I tried to convince him that it changed nothing, I could
feel him pulling away. Resisting, because he thinks he’s broken.
He’s fucking not. And even if he is, so what?? I’d still do everything in
my power to fix him, to make him mine. Because I just want him, broken or
not.
I want all his uneven pieces.

It’s official…
I’m a mess.
Hours have passed, and still no word from Kyran.
After I got Guty’s text, I decided I couldn’t possibly just sit around and
wait for my flight, so I went to the airport to see if I could get on an earlier
one.
I did… The one-thirty. Kyran’s original flight.
I’m guessing I got his seat. Awesome.
Flying home next to Guty and Theo only would have been fun if Kyran
was with me. But since he’s not, and I’m now living with the knowledge that
he left me and actively doesn’t want to speak with me, it’s pretty much the
most awkward thing ever.
I can feel all of Kyran’s teammates watching me as I settle in my seat by
the window and the plane takes off, likely speculating about how someone
could go from kissing and coming out one day, to being brutally rejected the
next.
And not that I want to think about it, because it makes me feel like
swallowing my own tongue, but I can’t stop overanalyzing every second of
our sex last night as some sort of passionate, devastating goodbye.
In the moment, it felt like we were affirming something. After not fucking
for over a week, between all the fighting, the pushing away and the pulling
back in, then the love confession… Being inside him last night felt like we
were finally home, in the sense that home is wherever we’re together and in
love.
Last night was the first time we’ve ever fucked knowing exactly how we
both feel about each other. Or so I thought.
But now that I’m overthinking, trapped in a metal box thirty-five
thousand feet in the air for hours with nothing but my neuroses, I’m
remembering all these subtle nuances in Kyran’s movements, in his voice and
the way he whispered that he loves me…
Was he saying goodbye?
Was me finding out the truth about his past too much for him to bear?
I absolutely loathe that thought. He doesn’t need to be alone, pushing
down his trauma, and he doesn’t need to be made to feel like he’s broken. He
needs to be surrounded by people who love and support him, no matter what.
But we all know Kyran worships control, and now I finally understand
why. That miserable, abhorrent experience led him to feel like he has to
control every little thing. And I guess that’s easier to do when you’re alone.
“Dude… I thought you weed smokers were supposed to be mellow,”
Guty grumbles at my side, and my face shifts. “If you keep wiggling around
like that, I might have to rough you up a bit.”
“Sorry…” I sigh out a long breath. “I’m just… so worried about him.”
“I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe he just needed some space,” he says, and I
squint at him. “No offense.”
I rub my eyes. “I didn’t even bring my weed… I gave up smoking for
him.”
 Guty’s brow cocks. “Really?” I nod. “Wow…”
“I mean, he didn’t ask me to…” I mutter. “I just don’t wanna be so blazed
I miss out on the high of being with him.”
Guty is staring at me. And Theo, who’s sitting on the aisle, slowly lifts
his sleeping mask and turns his head to stare at me, too.
“What?” I sigh, rubbing my eyes.
“That’s so fuckin’ sweet.” Theo blinks, a little pout tugging at his lips.
“How did you even hear me?” I grunt, eyeing his headphones.
“I’m in between songs.” He shifts his body in my direction. “Don’t
worry. We’ll help you get him back.”
“Yea.” Guty pats my arm. “When we land, come straight to our dorm
with me. Hopefully, he’s there.”
I nod, forcing a small grin to show them that I appreciate it. But inside,
I’m not placated. Not even a little.
The idea of showing up at Kyran’s dorm when he’s been deliberately
ignoring my calls and texts makes me feel like the biggest clingy stalker who
can’t get the hint ever.
Coach Matthews peeks at us between the seats. Theo quickly slumps back
in his, covering his eyes with his sleep mask. Guty goes back to the movie
he’s watching on his iPad.
And I just turn my face to gaze out the window at the clouds engulfing
the plane.
Don’t shut me out, Kyran. Let me love you the way I’m supposed to.
I guess I managed to fall asleep for a few hours, because when I reopen
my eyes, we’re landing at Logan Airport. The literal second the captain
announces that we can turn our phones back on, I’m switching mine out of
airplane mode and praying for a response from Kyran.
There isn’t one… But it does appear that he’s read my texts.
I swear to God, it feels like there’s a Mack truck parked on my chest.
Guty elbows me. “Hey… So, um… I got a text from Ky…”
He tilts his phone so I can read the message.
Nueve: Hey bro… I’m really sorry I dipped out without a word. I just have some
stuff going on. But I wanted to let you know before you get back and think I
abandoned you… I moved my stuff out of the dorm. I’m leaving school… at least
for a few weeks. I need to take some time to deal with my personal shit. Just know
that I love you like a brother, man. You’re my best friend in the whole world,
Samson, I really mean that. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Take care of that
trophy for me, long-shot.
 The seatbelt around my waist feels like it’s cutting off circulation. Inside
the cabin is closing in on me, and I’m choking for air, suffocating.
He left school…?
Moved out of the dorm?
Why would he do that?? What happened, for fuck’s sake?!
Is this all because I found out his secret?? Jesus fucking Christ, if I knew
it would make him leave me, I never would’ve even asked Bridget! I would’ve
just left it alone and let him deal with it his way, instead of pressing for
information and driving him like a high-speed chase right out of my life.
Fuck this… I can’t do this.
I can’t handle this.
The first person I give my heart to, and he runs off with it like a thief in
the night.
Guty rubs my back, but I barely feel it. I’m just digging my fingers into
my eyes until there are spots in my vision. Partly because I feel a hefty
migraine coming on, but also because I don’t want him to see that I might
burst into tears.
“Do you want me to… tell him anything?” Guty asks softly. “From you?”
Yea, tell him this is bullshit. That I don’t get it… That I don’t understand
why he needs to go—again—when I was fucking begging him to stay. Again.
Ask him if he really loves me, then why is he ripping my fucking heart out
of my chest??
Of course, I don’t say any of that. I just give my head a somber shake.
Because if Kyran doesn’t want to speak to me, doesn’t want to respond
and explain this shit to me, then I guess there’s nothing left to say.
Once we’re off the plane, I say goodbye to Guty and Theo, ignoring the
pitying looks on their faces. I’m outside waiting for my Uber when my phone
rings. And naturally, my heart leaps up against my tonsils for a second until I
see that it’s my mom.
“Hey, Mom,” I mumble, pulling my hoodie tighter around me. Going
from seventy-five degrees to fifteen is a nice shock to accompany the rest. “I
just got off the plane… I was gonna call you—”
“Aviel, what is going on??” she barks, sounding worried.
And now I’m even more worried.
Oh jeez… Did she hear about Kyran and me kissing from someone?? I
totally forgot about all that…
“What… what do you mean?” I play dumb, waving down my Uber driver
as he pulls up along the curb.
“Kyran just came to the house and dropped off a bunch of his stuff,” she
huffs. “He said he’s taking a break from school for some personal reasons,
and he wouldn’t tell me what they were.”
My head is spinning as I get into the car, clutching my bag on my lap, a
spike in adrenaline causing me to tell the driver, “Hey, is it okay if I change
the destination to 538 Summer Street in Somerville? I’ll pay you cash for the
difference.”
The driver nods, fiddling with the navigation on his phone.
“Is he still there?” I ask my mom, my gut bunching up into a knot.
“No, he left,” she sighs uneasily, and my eyes fall shut. “And he wouldn’t
tell me where he was going… Avi, did something happen?? Why would he
be leaving school?”
“Mom, I’m coming over,” I tell her calmly, though I’m feeling anything
but. “We need to talk. Is Tom there?”
“No, he’s at work.”
“Good. I’ll see you in a few.”

God, this hurts.

This hurts real damn bad.
I’m upstairs in Kyran’s bedroom, at our house in Somerville… the house
that was Kyran’s before it was mine. The house that I moved into,
encroaching on his territory.
I used to think he hated me for that reason. Because he didn’t want to
share his father’s affections with a new wife and her son, who was infinitely
different from him in so many ways. I thought he hated me because I was the
opposite of him; poor and artsy, bad at sports, with a love of laughing things
off when they get too serious. And maybe that part was true…
Maybe that is why he hated me, or at least why he pretended to. Because I
remind him of how he used to be. How he could have been, if some
deranged, disgusting pervert hadn’t stolen his youth.
But being in here now, I don’t feel any of that hate. The memories of him
picking on me in school, of us bickering and fighting over the bathroom, of
him using his words to hurt me as best he could… they’re not upsetting. In
fact, they bring a smile to my lips. Because it’s how we started. As reluctant
stepbrothers, before any of the rest of it.
We were brothers. And that’s what fills me with sadness, anger, and
despair.
The fact that all along, my brother was dealing with something so
detrimentally fucked up… And I had no idea.
Picking up one of his sweatshirts, I hold it up to my face and breathe in
deep. The smell of him lingering in the fabric is like a sledgehammer to my
already broken heart.
I have a candle that smells like you…
I hear his voice in my head, and I have to stop before I collapse.
The new memories in here are much fresher than the ones of him hating
me. Like Christmas Eve. Holding his hand and kissing him, fooling around
with him on a bed where I’m sure he used to curse my existence. The night
we shared in my room… I can still see him moving on me. I can feel his
hands touching me and his lips dragging along my neck.
We became more in that moment, without cameras filming or obligations
or money on our minds. We fell together in pure passion, and spent the whole
night getting to know each other. Finally.
After years of being in each other’s lives… that night was when the
blinders came off.
When we realized it wasn’t actually for the fans.
“Avi.” My mom peeks into the room, watching me closely. “We should
talk. Before Tom gets home.”
Nodding, I toss the sweatshirt down with the rest of his things, following
her up the hall to her bedroom. My eyes scan the room, and the one thing that
sticks out is a suitcase on the floor. I squint at it, but say nothing, taking a
seat next to my mother on the bed.
“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” she asks, her eyes sparkling
concern. “Honestly, I feel like you’ve been slipping away from me lately,
Aviel. And maybe it’s my fault too… We used to be so close, and now you’re
just…” She shakes her head, dropping her gaze to her lap.
I hate making her feel this way. I don’t want her to think I’m hiding
things from her. Or that I’m pulling away.
“Mom, I just need to tell you some things,” I start with a breath. “And the
reason why I didn’t tell you before is because I was still figuring it out. And
it’s… complicated.”
“More complicated than getting kicked out of school for making porn?”
She cocks a dark eyebrow, and I huff.
“Okay, porn is sort of glorifying it.” I roll my eyes. “It’s an OnlyFans.”
“I don’t know what the hell that means, but if you’re recording videos of
you having sex… that’s porn.” She gives me a stern look.
Point well made, Mom.
“So it kinda started with the… porn.” I shift in my seat. “I realized that I
think I like guys too…” I shake my head. “I mean, I know that I do. Back
then I thought, but now I know. I’m bisexual.”
Exhaling to stop my awkward rambles, my eyes swoop over to my
mother, and she’s staring at me, brows raised.
“Okay…” she says, leaning forward. “And?”
“Oh… uh… alright.” I clear my throat. “I just thought you might need to
digest that for a second. But I guess not.”
“Aviel, I’m so happy that you’re telling me.” She rubs my arm. “I’m
proud of you for being so brave. But it’s not something I would need to
process. I just love you. Who you love doesn’t matter as long as you’re happy
with them.”
I gulp, my lips curving into a soft grin. “Thanks, Mom. I love you too.”
“Are you forgetting that your uncle Elijah is gay?” she asks, blinking at
me. “And your father’s brother, Dominic.”
“No, I didn’t forget about Uncle Eli…” I mumble. “But I didn’t know
about Uncle Dom…”
“Well, Elijah came out to me when he was fourteen, so I don’t appreciate
you thinking I’m some old-fashioned person who wouldn’t understand,” she
grumbles like she’s annoyed with me, and I have to chuckle.
“Trust me, Ma, I know you’re not old-fashioned whatsoever.” I grin at
her and she smiles back. “But hold that thought, because here’s where it gets
a little tricky…”
Her eyes are wide as I take a deep breath and puff out the words.
“Kyran and I have been…” That’s all I get before I pause to clear my
throat again. “Together.”
Her brows zip, and she tilts her head. “Really?” I nod. “For how long?”
Biting on the inside of my cheek, I squirm a little. “About three months.”
Watching her face, it looks like a lot of things are dawning on her right
now. “So that’s why you two have been getting along lately. I should have
known something was up! You couldn’t stop staring at each other when you
were here.”
“I’m sorry…” I shift to face her. “I know it’s weird because he’s Tom’s
son. But I… I just…”
“You love him?” she asks softly, and I nod glumly. “I can tell,
sweetheart. I’ve never seen you like this… all torn up over someone. I’ve
been waiting for it to happen.”
She’s grinning, looking all excited for me, but I can’t help rolling my
eyes.
“Thanks, Mom. I really love feeling this way,” I grunt out the sarcasm.
“Well, what happened? Did you have a fight?”
“No, that’s just it. Everything was going great. He killed it at the game,
and then we were at the party afterward and he told his teammates about us. It
finally felt like we were a real couple. But then he took off… He left me in
California without a word. He won’t answer my calls or texts… and now he’s
left school.”
My mom stares at me for a moment, as if she knows I’m holding
something back. “Aviel… please be honest with me. Is Kyran the one you’ve
been making those videos with?”
My fingers twist in my lap, severe discomfort making me fidgety.
Oh God… This is weird. This is super weird.
I don’t want my mom to know Kyran and I have been fucking on camera.
“Avi…” she scoffs and shakes her head. “I really can’t with you.”
I give her one of my innocent looks, batting my eyelashes. “I swear I
didn’t do anything too bad, Mama.”
“You’re too much, son of mine…” she breathes.
“But I’m telling you… if it weren’t for making those videos, we might
never have…” My voice trails. “I mean, you know he always hated me
before. So it was like it… brought us together. And now I love him, and I
don’t know what to do.”
“Oh, sweetie.” She wraps her arm around me, pulling me into her side.
“You know what they say… there’s a fine line between love and hate. I bet
Kyran was only ever mean to you because he cared for you, and he was
scared.”
I nod. “I think so…”
“Do you think that’s why he left?”
My chest grows tight, and I consider what to tell her. I know it’s not my
place to share Kyran’s secret. That’s kind of what got us into this whole mess
in the first place. But I’m worried about him…
Plus, my mother is married to his awful father. The guy who brushed off
his sexual abuse like it was nothing. She deserves to know who she’s married
to.
“Mom, did Tom ever mention anything to you about why Kyran stopped
going to church?” I ask her carefully.
My mother’s eyes widen, a nervous glint in them, as if she knows I’m
about to tell her something awful.
“No… In fact, he’s very secretive about a lot of things,” she breathes, her
eyes flinging to the suitcase on the floor. “Aviel, I’m leaving him. We’re
getting a divorce. I just can’t handle the secrecy anymore.”
Whaaat…? My jaw drops. I didn’t expect that.
“He never once kept me in the loop about his financial troubles. And a
few weeks ago, I found a statement in his desk drawer, for a trust in Kyran’s
name. It contains over a million dollars.”
I gulp, digging my fingers into my thighs.
“When I asked him about it, he said it was Kyran’s money, and that he
knows Kyran will never use it, or let anyone else use it. The way he said it
made it seem like he’s tried to get Kyran to sign it over to him, but he
wouldn’t.”
My teeth grind together, disdain for this horrendous man slinking through
my extremities. “He didn’t tell you where the money came from…?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “And I’m just sick of it, Avi. This man is not
who he portrays himself to be.”
“No… He’s not.” I sigh. “Look, I really can’t tell you the details, but I
think Kyran left because of something that happened to him… when he was
twelve. Something that Tom helped to cover up by denying it and making his
own son feel worthless.”
My mother’s eyes shine with sorrow. “Was it something… bad?” I nod
slowly. “Something to do with the church…?” I nod again, and she covers
her face. “Dear God…”
Hearing those two words, in this moment… it just rubs me wrong. All the
rage I’ve been stuffing down since finding out the truth rushes right up to the
surface.
Shooting off the bed, I glare down at her. “How can you even say His
name?? There is no God, Mom, don’t you get that?! What kind of God would
allow something like that to happen… by one of his anointed fucking flock?!
It’s bullshit!”
I’m heaving for breath while my mom just stares up at me, allowing me
to vent it all out. All my confusion, pain, and anger toward this infinite being
who doesn’t give two shits about us.
“God doesn’t exist,” I seethe. “And if He does, He’s pure evil. He’s a
sick, fucked-up excuse for someone who’s supposed to love the righteous and
condemn the damned. Instead, it’s the other way around. Innocent children
get tortured by His people and he just lets it happen! Forces them to live with
it, alone and scared.”
My face falls into my hands to cover the tears that are filling my eyes.
And then I feel my mother stand, her arms cradling me, caressing me
softly while she shushes my cries. Just like she did when my father died…
When I told her I would never worship any God ever again.
“Mom, he’s out there… thinking he has to deal with this by himself and
he doesn’t,” I whimper. “Your asshole husband made him feel that way. God
made him feel that way. I love him and I just want him…” I’m sputtering for
air; I can barely speak through my choked sobs. “I want him to be okay. I
want him to know he didn’t deserve that.” I shake my head. “Evil stuff
happens to good people because God doesn’t care.”
“Aviel…” she whispers, brushing her fingers through my hair. “You
know that there are many reasons why I left Israel when I was a girl. I’ve
never believed that our religious beliefs do God any kind of justice. Why
would they? We’re taught from the time we’re children to fear God, worship
Him no matter what, and take these old texts written by men from thousands
of years ago as gospel. It makes no sense.
“Real faith should be open to interpretation. But many people don’t feel
that way. They’re the same people who choose sides in wars, the same people
who shout about blasphemy and heresy, but then turn around and do awful,
deplorable things. Religion has spread more hate in this world than love, and
that is one of the saddest things I’ve ever experienced.”
My shoulders shudder as I struggle to breathe, and she just caresses my
hair.
“When I was nine, your uncle Elijah left home. I didn’t know it at the
time, but it was because he was gay, and was experiencing prejudice within
the community. So when I was old enough, I left myself and went to live with
him. And he used to say a lot of the things I’ve heard you say just now…
About how God hates us, about the hypocrisy and the widespread deception.
He used to call organized religion a cult. He still does.”
She pauses to chuckle fondly. “But one day, when I was sixteen and your
uncle was nineteen, we decided to take a boat out. In the Middle East, the
weather is purely beautiful in the fall, so we thought it would be fun. Just a
small boat, sailing along the coast. We’d done it before.
“Anyway, we were only about a mile out when the engine died on us. We
had ores, but still, we were nervous. And then, the rain came. Now, rain is
uncommon as it… and the way it was coming down… it was bizarre. It was
flooding us, waves whipping around. We were sure we were going to capsize.
And the storm… it felt like it was mirroring your uncle’s anger. The way the
waves were crashing and sending us tumbling about. The sea was raging the
way he had been for years.
“And in that moment, I looked at him. I took his hands, and he held mine.
And we didn’t speak, but we just knew. We knew that He knew. He felt it…
our anger and frustration, with our families and the state of things back home.
It was shared. He wasn’t doing it to us, He was living it with us. And as soon
as that became known, it felt like the rain was washing it all away…
cleansing us.”
I blink at my mother, inherently skeptical, because it’s hard not to be. But
I can see in her eyes that this is something she truly believes.
This was a moment that changed her.
“The rain stopped abruptly,” she says, her lips curving into a smile. “And
when we looked up, all you could see were stars. Millions of them, covering
the entire sky.” She holds me in close. “Aviel, God is not some old, bearded
man sitting up in the sky, punishing us when we’re bad. God is love, and
laughter and light. God is the good things, and the bad. He… They, I should
say, are the Earth and the stars and the vast openness of an existence we’re
only a small fraction of.”
Tears roll down my cheeks, and she swipes them away with her fingers.
“God is faith, Avi. Faith in yourself, as a part of the world as it turns. And for
all the hate, and sickness and despair we experience, there are equal parts
love and joy. You just have to look up.”
Releasing a heavy breath feels like I’m expelling the negativity inside. I
hug my mother tight, letting her console me the way she did when I was
boy…
Because she’s right. I know she is.
 Good people get hurt, bad ones walk free, and things just happen. Chaos
within an infinite, spiraling cosmic circus. The only thing we can do is have
faith in us, find beauty in the pain, and laugh as much as possible.
No matter what Kyran feels he needs to do to get himself past the torment
he holds, I won’t give up on us. I’ll never stop chasing him while he runs.
And hopefully he knows that when he shows back up, I’ll always open
the door.
@Backwardz_Avi: I’d give up candy for the rest of my life for one more kiss… He’s all the
sugar I need.

Here’s how I know sexuality isn’t a choice.

When I was eleven, I played peewee football. I was good, even back then,
which is what led me to believe if I kept pushing myself, getting better, I
could make it to the NFL someday. The dream became tangible the more I
played, the more I learned about the game and how to develop a synergy with
my teammates.
One of our receivers was a kid named Cody. Cody was also very good for
his age. We were young, yes, but there was a distinguishable difference
between us and the kids who were playing because their parents didn’t want
to deal with them and forced them into after-school sports.
That might be part of the reason mine got me into football, but regardless,
it turned out to be the best negligent decision they ever made. But I digress.
The carefree side I used to have slowly fell away the more I was pushed
into the Catholic faith. After I began to fear God, my subservience took
shape, and even though I hated the image my parents projected to everyone
else of our good Catholic family, I really tried to do as I was told, while still
holding on to my individuality as best I could. Because all I cared about was
getting good at football and not being sidetracked by other things. So I
followed their rules. I took communion, I served as an altar boy—only a few
times until I begged my dad to let me stop—and I went to church camp.
Because I had to.
Where does Cody fit into this? you might be asking… Well, I’ll tell you.
 Cody and I played well together. We had a sort of chemistry that you
wouldn’t think would apply to peewee football, but for us, it just happened
naturally. He was always there for a pass when I needed him, and it wasn’t
long until we became friends.
One day, after a rousing game in which we schooled Malden Catholic
thirty-one to three, we were in the locker room, getting changed. Cody and I
were joking around about a few of his catches, and he playfully shoved me.
It was something that happened often; it wasn’t new or distinct in any real
way. But for some reason, this time, his hand lingered a little on my chest
before it sort of swooped down and off of my body.
Now, I know this doesn’t sound like anything shocking, and yes, I was
still pretty young at the time. But apparently, I was old enough for my brain
to send a signal to the rest of my body. The receptors that distinguish good
things you want more of versus bad things you don’t care for pinged to life
and told me… yea. I think I like that.
That part of me was always there. But like a perennial seedling, it only
pops up when it’s the right time to present itself. And from that point on, my
brain began to water and nourish it with thoughts and contemplations.
It was all completely innocent. I was still too young to really be thinking
about sex at all, though I knew how it worked and what it was for. But the
only sex they ever taught us about was between a man and a woman. Sex
between two men wasn’t something that was supposed to happen, according
to our school, and my parents, and the church, and pretty much everyone I
knew directly.
And despite the fear of God in me, I couldn’t find it in myself to
discourage my feelings. Because the way I saw it, God had made me. If he
didn’t want me to feel excited by a playful shove in the locker room from
another boy, then he shouldn’t have wired my brain that way. Simple.
I spent the next year of my life subtly looking at my fellow students, both
boys and girls, in an attempt to figure out if this feeling was real or just a
fluke. But the more I did it, the more I was leaning toward verification. I was
too young to find interest in expressing my attraction… The thought of
actually telling a boy I liked him, or God forbid, kissing him, still made me
sort of nervous. But I knew, deep down, that it was what I wanted eventually.
When I was old enough, I would date a boy…
And my parents would hate me for it.
That notion was a little overwhelming, but still, I wasn’t devastated by it.
I figured that if my parents couldn’t see this wasn’t something I was choosing
for no reason, like deciding on what cereal to have for breakfast, then they
clearly didn’t love me, nor did they truly understand God’s plan.
And honestly, if they thought my attraction to boys was a choice, then
they were probably pretty stupid, too. My entire upbringing was based on the
idea that boys should like girls. Being a boy who wanted to be with another
boy, despite all of those ideals that are drilled into your head from the time
you’re an infant, would mean there’s no possible way it’s a choice, right?
I mean, who would choose something knowing it directly contradicts
their biological nature?
Anyway, over the course of that year, I also grew to really hate church
and all of its forced activities for us Catholic kids. Because it didn’t even feel
real. It was like almost everyone was just going through the motions. It was
an image they wanted for themselves, like a banner that screamed to the rest
of the world, hey, look at me! I’m a great person! While simultaneously
using it as an excuse to be judgmental and sometimes even downright
nefarious.
Case in point… the man responsible for my trauma.
Father McAdams.
I never liked being around the man. He’d always given off a yucky vibe,
but the problem was that there was no evidence of his wrongdoing. Not yet,
anyway. It was just a feeling, like when there’s a gas leak. You can’t see
anything, but you know it’s there, and you know it’s very harmful.
Father McAdams had taken a shine to me, and was always saddling me
with new responsibilities, acting like they were special and only tasked to the
best kids. But really, it was just busy work. Moving things in his office,
helping him set up before mass. The only thing that made it slightly tolerable
was that a few of my friends were there too, including Cody.
I caught Father McAdams watching Cody and me once, after we’d been
talking and joking around, as we did. And the feeling of him staring at me
stood all the hairs on the back of my neck on end.
The summer when I was twelve was understandably my last time at
church camp. I had already been planning on asking my dad if I could stop
going, seeing if maybe there was a football camp or something I could do
instead that would be more in line with what I actually wanted, and not six
weeks spent listening to the same stories being told over and over again by
the hive-mind of our counselors.
 It wasn’t unusual for some of the local parish priests to make appearances
at camp, for special services and whatnot. But when Father McAdams
showed up on the last night to observe our youth prayer circle, I knew right
away something didn’t feel right.
He’d been coming at me more and more lately with all the things I now
recognize as grooming, in a way. Paying special attention to me, offering me
things, trying to get me alone. It was easier to rebuff when other people were
around.
But on that last night, he managed to corner me when I was alone.
There are a lot of reasons why it hurts to think about these things… Why
remembering it all, and so vividly, causes me an emotional pain so strong I
can actually feel it in parts of my body; like the way it turns and clenches my
stomach, burns like acid in my throat, and triggers stiffness in my knees and
my back.
But the main reason is knowing how badly my trauma fucked me up.
How far back it set me, mentally.
That man stole the comfort I’d had in myself. The experience stunted my
self-awareness. It was like one big explosion that leads to the collapse of an
entire city. The abuse, me telling my father and his denial, my family’s
deterioration… it all buried me, the real me, in years of rubble.
I knew who I was, and I was ready to grow into that person. But he stole
my identity. He, and my father, forced me into shame and remorse that
wasn’t mine.
And so, like a form of fight-or-flight response, I ran away from the truth
and recoiled into the image of a new Kyran Harbor. The straight boy who
focused on only school, and girls, and sports, becoming popular as a means
of control. A mask to wear, one so believable, even I began to feel like it was
the real me.
I stuffed my truth down for years, fought against it tooth and nail. Even
after Avi and I started our business, I told myself repeatedly that it was just
that; a means to make money. But the whole time, in my bones, I knew it was
a lie.
Being with Avi… being close to him, seeing and feeling and breathing
with him, all those things we did together… it’s what set me free. He was the
shovel, slowly scooping away the debris to uncover the real Kyran from
where he’d been buried alive.
It was never a choice, and I know that now because despite everything I
did to cover it up, it still came back to me. I came back.
I don’t want to lie anymore. I don’t want to run anymore…
Which, yes, sounds idiotic coming from someone who’s literally running
away as we speak. But this time, I’m not running. I’m driving.
Driving on new roads, to clear my head and find myself. So that the next
time I knock on his door, there won’t be a shred of doubt.
The real Kyran Harbor wouldn’t be alive without Avi Vega.
He’s my reason, my rescue.
Slow down, broken boy… and let him catch you.

What a difference a week can make…

When I left Somerville, after packing up my stuff and moving out of the
Walsh dorms at BC, I wasn’t really sure what I planned to do. All I knew was
that I needed to get away and prepare myself for some major internal
reorganizing.
I knew I wanted to be alone for a while—at first, anyway—to get my
thoughts together before the next part of my plan. So I rented a Mercedes
SUV for the drive, just like the one I got when I took Avi to the drive-in. And
no, that’s not a coincidence.
I wanted to feel closer to him throughout this process, knowing full-well
I’d be forcing myself to ignore his calls and texts the entire time.
It’s been killing me not to talk to him… but I know it’s necessary.
Getting the real Kyran back is work I need to do myself. I can’t put it all
on Avi. Sure, in many ways, he saved me, and I want him to know that. I hate
the idea that he might think I left because I don’t love him… I do. His love is
what’s kept me driving when so many times I thought about turning back;
giving up on this mission to fix myself and just going back home.
But I don’t want to return to him half-hearted. Because the real Kyran is
still a stubborn control-freak in a lot of ways. He’s a determined
motherfucker. Sets his mind to something and makes it happen.
No more hiding. No more doing what I think will look the best.
When I come back to Boston, it’ll be because I’m ready to face the world
as me.
Gay. In love with my stepbrother. Sexual assault survivor. Football
quarterback. Okay, that one didn’t change. But now I’ll be doing it for myself,
instead of as a means to make my father less disgusted by me.
For the first few days on the road, I just drove. I wasn’t going anywhere
in particular, just clearing my head and deciding on my next move. And a lot
of it was intense, but also cathartic. I kept the music off and just cruised the
streets with my own thoughts. I let the stuff out that I never think about, and
when things got heavy enough, I spoke the words out loud.
I cried. I laughed. I screamed. I pulled over a few times to get my
bearings before I drove myself into a tree.
But as torturous as it was at times, I came out of it feeling a lot better.
It prepared me for the next part of my plan.
Two days ago, I ended up at a hotel near the Berkshires, which is a quaint
and quiet place, especially in winter. I remember coming here on a camping
trip when I was little. It was a lot of fun, and thinking back on the solitude of
the mountains made me wish Avi was here even more.
We’ll have to go camping here in the spring.
That is, if he’s not still mad at me for leaving.
I have to assume that when Avi finds out how much good I’m doing for
myself, he’ll understand. He’s always been that way, after all. He’s patient
and caring, loving and supportive. Everything I need from my real family.
And everything I need to understand why my actual family couldn’t give me
that.
Settled in my room with a bag of fast food as my dinner—no more
football until training camp, so I get to splurge—I allow myself to
decompress from the day.
I had my first honest to God therapy session today, with a nice counselor
named Anna. She’s very easy to talk to, which I appreciate. It was the first
time I’ve ever opened up to someone face-to-face, regaling them with the
entire story of my abuse.
I talked to someone on the phone my second night on the road, from the
RAINN hotline. Honestly, I forget his name, because I was just so wound-up,
almost manic, spilling my guts for the first time ever. And I’m talking all the
details… The ones that still haunt me, coil me with nausea and anger and
make me want to retreat into myself.
But I didn’t, and I’m proud of that.
 It was after that conversation that I almost broke my rule and called Avi. I
just want so badly to hear his voice. To tell him what good things I’m doing
and hear his smile when he tells me he’s proud and he loves me.
But then I don’t want it to feel like I’m doing this stuff for his approval…
Because I’m not. I’m doing it for me. So that I can have a relationship with
him, and share things with him without being scared.
I’m still afraid it’ll terrify him. I know it’s dumb to think that, because of
how supportive he’s been. But I just can’t help feeling like the idea of your
boyfriend being sexually abused as a child and the reality of the gritty details
are two very different things.
I also know that I don’t have to tell him anything… He made that clear
the night before I left. But I want to. I don’t want to hide or be ashamed of it.
Still, it’s like Anna said earlier… it’s a work in progress. My own
acceptance comes first, and after that, I can worry about my partner’s, in
however much time that takes.
Hesitantly lifting my phone from where it’s been resting on the bed, I
power it back on. I’ve been keeping it off for the most part, because I don’t
want to be tempted to read Avi’s gut-wrenching texts, or answer the phone
when he calls. But more importantly, I’m purging myself of the desire to snap
miscellaneous pics for Instagram… one of the coping mechanisms that’s kept
me wrapped up snug in denial for years.
I’m not saying social media is bad… It’s just not real. My entire account
was full of pictures I posted to fit the fake image of myself. Shirtless workout
pics, smiles and kisses with girls I didn’t really care about, sunsets and
food… The happy, glamorous life of someone who never even existed.
I deleted them all.
I still have my account, but there are no current posts. Someday I’ll post
something again… And when I do, it’ll be the truth.
Imagining posting a picture of Avi and me kissing sends a flutter to my
gut, and I bite my lip. I wonder what he’s doing right now…
Tapping on Instagram, I search for Avi’s profile. The one with only a
handful of random posts, that I still believe he used mostly to cyber-stalk me.
The thought has my lips curling into a smile that feels really freaking good.
I miss smiling for Avi. I miss laughing at his dumb jokes, and forcing
scowls at him to cover up how truly witty and adorable I think he is.
When I pull up his profile, I find that he changed his name… From
AviVega420 to Backwardz_Avi.
 I purse my lips. I guess he’s just embracing it now… The Fans.
As far as I know, his Twitter is still inactive, and so is the OnlyFans. But
this name change has me wondering if maybe he’ll start it up again, now that
he doesn’t have school to worry about.
He wouldn’t… find a new business partner… would he?
Swallowing down that icky feeling, I scroll over his bio, which just says,
Art is love, and I find a recent post from yesterday. It looks like a wall of
some kind, maybe concrete, spray painted with a black background and a
yellow frowning face.
The caption reads:
I am alone. I am utterly alone.
I blink at the screen a few times, wondering why that sounds so
familiar… And then I remember. It’s from Beetlejuice… One of his top five
favorite movies ever.
Grabbing the TV remote, I flick around all the available streaming
services, searching for Beetlejuice. It’s on Amazon Prime, so I turn it on,
letting it play in the background while I stare at the picture.
I’ve never known Avi to spray paint, but then he’s an artist. He can use
anything he wants as his canvas, which I think is pretty cool. I just wish in
this one case it wasn’t something so depressing.
Swiping Instagram away, I open my text chain with Avi, looking over all
the messages he’s sent me since I left California. And there are a lot.
Aside from the ones he sent me that day, after I vanished, he’s sent me at
least three a day for the last week. Everything ranging from…
Avi: I love you baby… please come back to me
To…
Avi: I’m just gonna be honest… I know you’re hurting, but it’s pretty messed up
that you won’t even RESPOND to me. *annoyed face emoji*
And even…
Avi: Robin misses you. She just meowed and it sounded like she was saying
“Kyran”. I’m not even kidding.
The most recent one is just a screengrab from the video of our first
makeout session, in Theo’s bathroom. But the actual video, not the one with
my face blurred out.
It squeezes the air out of my chest to see it, sending all the sensations
rushing back. I remember how afraid I was… Because of how amazing his
mouth felt on mine. I couldn’t stop shaking.
The picture captures it perfectly. It’s like I’m falling for him, even then,
and I both love it and hate it at the same time. I just wish I hadn’t wasted so
much time pretending.
Typing out a text to him, I hesitate for only a second before hitting send.
Me: Hey, baby. I know this might hurt, but push through it for me. I’m fine and
safe and I promise I’ll be back soon… Knocking on your door for good this time. I
love you, angel. Thanks for saving me.
Then I turn my phone off. Because I have to.

“You know that I’ve seen you… Looking at the other boys.”
My knees are sore, and my back is stiff.
“It’s alright, Kyran. Don’t be afraid. God loves you. He made you this
way.”
There’s a black rosary wrapped around his hand.
The one I dropped when he came into the room and locked the door.
“But you’ll need to beg His forgiveness for your lustful ways. I can help
you…”
The white cloth of his robe brushes on my face as it lifts.
“This is you, Kyran. This is who you are.”
“But I haven’t done anything… I don’t w-want to,” I whisper with fear in
my voice.
“God sees everything, you know. He can tell that you’re lying.”
My head shakes, again and again, but he holds it still. The scents of
smoke and oil fill my lungs.
“Plead salvation with your body, Kyran. Loud enough that He can hear
you.”
My eyes shoot open with my gasp, and I sit up in bed, glancing around
the unfamiliar space.
Oh, right. I’m in a new hotel room… back in Boston.
Cambridge, to be exact.
I spent a month at that hotel in the Berkshires, seeing my counselor Anna
and working through a lot of difficult stuff I’ve let fester for eight years. And
after weeks of rough, emotional reconstruction, I decided it was time to come
back to Boston. To do something very important…
Confront my parents.
Anna said I can keep seeing her over Zoom, or she can refer me to
someone here, whatever I prefer. I still haven’t decided what to do, but I
think I like the idea of sticking with her. Speaking face to face is cool, but
I’ve already built a rapport with her. And as nice as the Berkshires are,
they’re not home.
It’ll be hard to be in the Boston area without seeing Avi. But honestly,
I’m really fucking sick of being away from him, anyway.
My trauma will always be with me, no matter where I’m located. It’s a
part of who I am, and as I’ve learned in these past weeks, I just have to make
room for it inside myself. Work on acceptance, and giving myself the time
and space to heal.
I want to do that with Avi.
At this point, the nightmares are already getting less scary. The rage and
hopelessness are still there, but I’m learning to cope with it; I think because
I’m no longer using all my energy to bury them with denial.
I’ve also been reading a lot, listening to music. I started meditating and
doing yoga. The last five weeks have been like a form of rehab, to kick my
habits of avoidance, and I finally feel ready to get back to life.
But mostly, I want to get back to Avi. I miss him like crazy.
Sliding out of bed, I wander into the bathroom. After splashing water on
my face, I gaze at myself in the mirror… and I remember all the times I’ve
done this. When I would stare at the stranger gazing back at me and wonder
if I would ever recognize him again.
I don’t feel like that same, terrified twelve-year-old boy anymore,
struggling to breathe over the knowledge of what had been done to him.
Running my fingers through my hair, my lips quirk, because I finally look
like me again.
And I recognize this person, this real Kyran. I’ve seen flashes of him
before. With Avi.
I blink at my reflection. “You deserve better parents. But you’re stuck
with the ones you have. So you’ll go, say your piece, and close that chapter.
No matter what happens, you’re here. This is you.”
Hours later, I’ve showered, dressed, and I’m heading downstairs to meet
my parents for lunch. It’s almost crazy how difficult it was for me to get them
both together in the same room. Even after knowing that I left school and
home because I’ve been struggling so badly, it still took several texts and
phone calls of convincing.
But eventually, they agreed to come to lunch at the restaurant in the hotel
where I’m staying. I reserved a booth in the back for privacy, and it should be
fine.
When I walk into the restaurant, the hostess looks up, and I just tell her
I’m meeting someone, sauntering by and making a beeline for the back
booth. I can see that my mother is already here, but not my dad.
Pausing, I take in a steady inhale, reminding myself that I can’t control
how other people react to things. I can only control my own actions.
“Mom,” I murmur politely as I wander over, taking a seat across from her
at the table. “It’s been a while…”
My mother gazes at me, smiling. Elena Harbor-McLaughlin is still a
beautiful woman. Blonde hair, green eyes, fair features. She looks just like
she did when she was still actively my mother, just with a few more lines
around her eyes, and a sort of vacancy that only really popped up after my
confession that tore our family to shreds.
“Kyran, sweetie… I’ve been so worried about you,” she says in her
familiar tone, that of a waspy Boston wife with a rich husband. “Since your
father’s company went under, I’ve been meaning to reach out to you.”
“Then why didn’t you?” My head cocks.
She looks momentarily uncomfortable, straightening the silverware on the
table. “Kyran, you know it’s difficult between your father and me. All those
bad memories…”
Ah, the making Dad out to be the monster routine. I remember it well…
“Mom, it would have been as easy as picking up the phone. Just being
there for me,” I rumble calmly. “But you weren’t. Not now, and definitely
not back then.”
Her forehead lines. “Ky… I don’t…” She pauses to shake her head. “I
don’t really know what to say.”
Folding my hands on the table, I lock eyes with her. “Oh, don’t worry. I
have plenty to say. I needed a mother. To protect me, and console me. Tell
me everything was okay. But instead, you focused strictly on your shitty
marriage and then disappeared on me. And still, I’m always the one who’s
expected to come to you. For holidays and occasions… I mean, Jesus. You
didn’t even call me when I won the fucking Rose Bowl…”
Shaking my head, I slump back in my seat, the anger and depression over
voicing all these truths weaving through my limbs. And I let it.
I don’t try to stuff it down or ignore it. I just sit, buzzing with tension,
reminding myself to breathe.
“I’m so proud of you, honey,” she whispers, and my eyes fling up to hers.
“I am. I know I haven’t been there for you. But just seeing how well you’ve
done… how far you’ve come. No matter how much your father and I screwed
up, you still turned into such an incredible man.”
I swallow, my chest swelling at her words. I hate the fact that I have to
drag this out of her, and that it’s taken this long to even get it. But at least it’s
something.
“I just want to know that you’re okay, Kyran,” she goes on. “Leaving
school and taking off like that… it doesn’t seem healthy.”
“But that’s just it, Mom,” I mutter. “I’m not okay, and I haven’t been
healthy. Not emotionally… That’s why I left. Because sure, it looks like I’m
winning on the outside, but inside, I’m still scared shitless.” She cowers a bit,
fussing with her hair, likely because she knows where this is going. Leaning
forward on the table, I whisper, “It wasn’t all Dad’s fault. You’re equally to
blame. Because I was abused by someone you both considered a man of God,
and you did nothing.”
My mother gasps, her hands covering her face. In shame, in remorse, yes.
But also, because I know she hates hearing about it. She still wants to pretend
it never happened.
Deny. Avoid. Bury it all six feet deep.
At that moment, my father strides over to the table. Perfect timing.
We both glance up at him, watching his eyes flick back and forth, likely
to figure out where he should sit. He obviously doesn’t want to sit next to my
mother, or at least he doesn’t want her thinking he does. But I’m at the edge
of my seat and I’m not moving over.
Sit down next to your ex-wife, Pops. So you both have to look me in the
eye for this.
Finally, my mother concedes and scoots over, allowing my father to
reluctantly plop down beside her. They share a brief, unenthused look, and
my father mumbles, “Elena…”
To which she sighs, “Tom.”
I roll my eyes. Parents are fucking insufferable.
 My dad glances at me from across the table, his face etched in his usual
stern, unforgiving lines. Only he looks much more exhausted than usual;
beaten down and almost desolate. His facial hair is grown out a bit, his
clothes slightly rumpled. He looks like shit…
I guess he’s been working at some new job I know next to nothing about,
so that could be part of the reason why he looks miserable. Or he’s also been
dreading this little encounter.
“Kyran, I’m glad to see that you’re alright,” he rumbles. “I was
worried…”
“Were you?” I huff. “So we’ve established that you were both worried,
but not enough to actually do anything about it.”
“Don’t be this way.” He frowns. “I called you and asked you to come
home. Why would you leave school, son? You need your education, no
matter what.”
“Dad, we both know I’m going to have to choose…” I straighten.
“Between football or business school. It’s highly unlikely I’ll be able to do
both…”
He makes a face as if he knows this is true, but he doesn’t want to admit
it. “Either way, you need to be in school. It’s far too important to leave
behind so you can go off gallivanting—”
“Gallivanting?!” The word comes out with an incredulous scoff. “So you
think I left just to run around, fucking off like some irresponsible moron??”
“That’s not what I meant,” he grumbles, but I don’t want to hear it.
Now I’m fucking pissed.
“Okay, let’s just get this out of the way. Because I didn’t ask you both
here to talk about football, or business school, or whatever the fuck I decide
to do with my future.” I attempt to control my anger, channeling it into
finding my words. “We’re here because I’ve been seeing a counselor, talking
through my issues, finally, after eight years of stuffing this shit down. And I
realized that I’ll never be able to move on if I don’t tell you both exactly how
I feel.”
My parents share a nervous look, but I don’t give them time to deflect.
I grip the edge of the table and growl, “You fucked me. Almost as bad as
he did.”
“Kyran—” my dad starts, but I cut him off with a hiss, as quietly as I can
manage.
“Both of you! You are supposed to love and protect me. You’re supposed
to listen to me and support me… You were supposed to stand beside me no
matter what, and you should’ve wanted to fucking decapitate that
motherfucker for what he did! But instead, you acted like it never happened.”
My eyes zero in on my father. “You told me I was overreacting. You
accused me of making it up. You made me feel like I was sick for being
raped!”
My mother is shuddering through hushed sobs, and my father’s eyes have
never been wider. He looks like he’s going to be physically ill… And it
serves him fucking right.
Now you know how I’ve felt every day for eight years, Dad.
“And you.” I glare at my mother. “Your mouth was conveniently shut,
any time it wasn’t gulping back Xanax and Pinot. You never said a goddamn
word to me, never asked me if I was alright, or if I needed to talk to
someone.” A furious laugh puffs from my lips. “No, I’m sorry. You said
something… You said, ‘You have to just move on, Kyran. Dwelling on it will
only give it power.’ Great advice for a twelve-year-old who just told you his
goddamn priest stuffed a cock down his throat.”
“Kyran!” My father slams his fist down on the table, rattling the plates.
“That’s enough! I understand that you want to punish us. I get it… We
fucked up.”
“Fucked up doesn’t even begin to describe—”
“I know!” he roars. “I know, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t believe
you. I’m sorry that we’re to blame for bringing that piece of garbage into
your life! I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what you had to go through, but
it’s over. It happened, and it’s done.” He pauses while I stare at him, shocked,
and so deeply enraged I want to lunge over this table and strangle him to
death. “I will have to live with the way I handled that for the rest of my life…
But I don’t want you to also. I want you to be able to move on, son. Your
mother was right… Dwelling on it does give it power. Don’t give it any
more.”
Grinding my teeth together, I close my eyes, breathing and focusing on
who I am. The real Kyran, not the Kyran they think they know.
When I reopen them, I pin my father with a look. “I want you to say it.” I
witness him gulp, and I lean in. “Say the words, Dad. Out loud.”
He shakes his head subtly. “Kyran, I don’t—”
“Say it,” I growl. “This is the reason why I can’t move on. This is the
reason I’ve been stuck for so long, stuffing the truth down, pretending to be
someone else… Because you made me feel like the truth made me sick,
diseased, or damaged. It happened, Dad. It fucking happened, whether or not
you wish it didn’t, it did. You can’t pray it away. God doesn’t fucking care
about your Hail Marys or your penance. Say the fucking words out loud,
because they’re true, or so help me, you’ll lose your son. I will walk out of
this restaurant, and you’ll never see me again.”
My father rakes his hands through his hair, visibly unsteady as he
breathes out slowly. The air around us is thick with heightened tension,
silence covering us like a big tarp.
It takes a minute, but finally he looks up, his eyes gripping mine. And he
mumbles, “He sexually abused you. Father McAdams… a man we trusted.
He did horrendous, disgusting things to you, Kyran. And I did nothing.”
The sincerity in his gaze gives me some solace. Hearing the words,
finally, from his lips takes even more weight off my shoulders. Weight I
didn’t even know was so heavy until it slips away, and I can finally breathe
better. Much better.
No more hiding.
“I’m so sorry, Kyran,” my mom whispers shakily. “I am so infinitely
sorry that it took those other boys coming forward for us to listen. And even
then, it wasn’t enough.”
I nod, my voice creeping out. “No. It wasn’t.” They both just stare at me.
“I didn’t want money. I wanted you to give a fuck… I wanted to be
acknowledged, not to feel like I was hiding some illness that needed to be
locked away and covered up by this image of the perfect, unsullied son you
wish you had.”
They both nod, rubbing their faces, appearing generally worn out. And I
know I shouldn’t delight in their anguish, but I like it. It feels good that
they’re finally reacting the way they never did back then.
“I just want you to know…” my father croaks, “we never thought you
were damaged, Kyran. It just… it hurt to admit that something like this
happened when we were supposed to protect you. You didn’t deserve it—no
one does. But even more, you didn’t deserve how we made you feel about it.
I’m so sorry that I made you feel unseen…”
Emotion claws up my throat, and instead of swallowing it, I let it out in
the form of a gasp, chewing on my lip while we all just stare at each other.
My eyes flick to the waiter, who’s hovering a few feet away like he’s
been itching to come over and see if we need anything, but didn’t want to
interrupt. I simply wave him off, because not that I have an appetite right
now, but even if I did, I don’t think I could tolerate an actual meal with these
people. Not yet.
We might get there in the future… Hopefully, we will. But it’s still too
fresh.
Taking out my wallet, I remove a twenty and drop it on the table for the
waiter and his troubles.
“There’s one more thing I need to say,” I murmur. “And then I’m gonna
go, because it’ll probably wrestle up some new bullshit that I really don’t feel
like dealing with right now. But just know that I do appreciate you both
coming here, and listening to me. This was… really helpful.”
They blink at me over wide eyes. And I purse my lips, mainly at my
father, because I’m sure he’s about to flip his lid.
“I’m gay.”
Man, that feels fucking great. Wow.
My parents’ expressions are frozen solid. It’s sort of comical.
My lips quirk, and I huff a small chuckle, shaking my head. “More
importantly, I’ve always been gay. I was born this way, and it’s just a fact.
Also, I’m in love with Avi, and I want to be with him. So… yea. That’s that.”
Standing up, I cast one last look at their shocked faces, grinning as I pat
my father hard on the shoulder. “See ya later, folks.”
Striding away from the table, I feel renewed. Refreshed.
Yes, it’s an ongoing process, but I feel like I took a huge step today, and
I’m proud of myself.
I need to go find Avi.
Because fuck all this heavy shit. I just want to kiss the crap out of him
right now.
Outside on the curb, I pull my phone out of my pocket to order an Uber. I
really miss that Mercedes SUV, but as soon as I returned to the city, I had to
give it back. It was not cheap, and I can’t keep burning through my OnlyFans
savings. Especially if I still have school to worry about…
I’m entering Frankie’s address into the app when a hand grabs my
shoulder.
“Kyran…”
It’s my father’s voice.
I spin to face him, gawking in surprised confusion. But before I can recoil
at the idea that he might punch me in the face, he launches himself at me,
pulling me into his arms.
Hugging me… My dad is hugging me.
I’m stunned into a statue for a solid four seconds, my arms dangling by
my sides while my father crushes me to his chest, squeezing me as tightly as
he can.
Pressure wells up behind my eyes, and I allow my arms to circle his
waist, hugging him back. He’s sort of sputtering… He might be crying, and
I’m freaking the fuck out.
What is happening right now??
“I love you, Kyran,” he whispers hoarsely. “I love you so much, and I’m
so sorry.”
Oh damn… This is embarrassing.
Now I’m fucking bawling into his chest, and I can’t hold it back.
Gripping him and shaking while all the walls between us come tumbling
down. Brick by brick.
We stand like this for a while, until we finally snap out of it and let each
other go, quickly wiping our eyes, trying hard to stifle the visible emotions,
because it’s in our nature to cover it up. It sucks, but it’s the way we were
both raised, and it’s a hard thing to overcome.
My father blinks at me, and I at him, biting the inside of my cheek
because I don’t know what to say.
“I’m happy for you,” he says, still sounding like his usual stern self. But
the words he’s saying are sincere. He means it, I know he does. “For you…
and Avi.”
My lips quirk. “I thought you’d be mad… because he’s a guy. And your
stepson.”
He chuckles, shaking his head, and I snort a boogery laugh. “I don’t get it.
I won’t even try to act like I do… But if this is you, son, then don’t ever
change.”
Tears well again, and I stare at the ground while I blink them away.
“You’re strong, Kyran. A hundred times stronger than me, and you
always have been,” he says surely. “You’ve grown into an amazing man, and
you did that all on your own. That is worth being proud over.”
I nod, smiling at him. “Thanks, Dad.”
“And I wouldn’t worry about Avi being my stepson…” His grin slips
away. “Because he won’t be for much longer.”
My brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
 “Hannah left me,” he sighs. “We’re getting a divorce.”
Um… what?!
“Really??” I gasp, mouth hanging agape in disbelief. “Why?”
“Let’s just say, I’m as bad a husband as I am a father,” he grumbles.
“No… Dad, that’s not—”
“Kyran, it’s true.”
I gulp. “Okay, it is. But still, you can fix it! Go fix things with her like
you are with me.”
He smiles sadly. “I think I also have some working on myself to do.” He
pats me on the shoulder. “You’ve inspired me, son.”
My heart is literally bursting out of me, I’m so happy. I can’t even believe
what I’m hearing, but it feels amazing.
I think I might have a real father… Only twenty years into my life, but
whatever. Better late than never.
My dad gives me a puzzled look. “So Avi didn’t tell you? About the
divorce?”
“I um… haven’t spoken to him in, like, a month.” I rub the back of my
neck.
“Why not?” His head tilts.
“I left him… so I could figure this stuff out,” I sigh. “I didn’t want to
bring all this emotional baggage into a relationship.”
My father’s eyes shine with regret, and I know it’s because he’s finally
recognizing that he’s responsible for a lot of my issues. “But if you really…
love each other.” He chokes on the words a bit and it makes me laugh.
“What?? Forgive me, I’m trying.”
“I know,” I sigh. “You are. It’s okay to not get the gay thing right away,
Dad. I don’t need you to…”
He gives me a stern look, though he’s smirking. “All I’m saying is Avi
doesn’t seem like the kind to turn his back on something good just because it
might be difficult.”
“You’re right,” I hum, going back to my phone. “I’m gonna go see him
now. It’s time.”
“You need a ride?” he asks, and I peer at him. Who is this man?? He just
chuckles and nods. “Come on. Let’s go.”
Alright then.
Following my dad to his car, I hop in with him and he drives us to
Brookline. My head is really spinning right now, so many different things
bounding around inside me. I’m excited—ecstatic, really—with now things
are going with my dad. And I’m anxious to see Avi again, for the first time in
over a month. So much so that I can’t stop moving. My knee is bouncing
rapidly, fingers twisting up in my lap as we pull onto Frankie’s street.
My dad makes a sound like a small laugh, and I peek at him. “What?”
“You’re obviously really excited to see him.” He grins. “I’ve never seen
you like this.”
Slumping back in my seat, I murmur, “I’m nervous. What if he’s mad
about me taking off?”
“That doesn’t seem like Avi,” he replies. And I nod, because he has a
point. “I’m sure he’ll just be glad that you’re doing well.”
I point out Frankie’s building, and he pulls up along the curb.
“Dad, I really appreciate this,” I tell him, unbuckling my seatbelt. “It feels
good to be able to talk to you… Like a real father and son.”
“I know.” He nods. “I just want you to know you’ll always have a place
in our home… If you wanted to move back. For any reason.” He rubs the
back of his neck, and I grin. “You could even bring Avi, if you… wanted
to…”
I laugh softly. “Yea, I’m sure you’d love that.”
“Ky,” he mumbles as I open the door. “God loves you, no matter what.
Know that. He isn’t the God I used to think he was… He’s so much better.
Caring and sympathetic. Don’t let what happened steer you from having real
faith. Not the stuff I used to push on you. Faith in yourself is faith in Him.”
Nodding, I smile at my dad, hopping out of the car and waving him off
before I jog up Frankie’s stoop. I’m not sure I’ll be able to have a relationship
with God, after everything… But I also thought that about my dad, and now
look at us.
All it takes is finally opening yourself up to it.
Maybe he’s right… Maybe faith is just belief. Belief in yourself and your
own strength; in the complex human life, and your ability to love and
persevere.
Maybe God is just us, believing.
Outside of Frankie’s apartment door, I pause to breathe before knocking.
My heart is in my throat, anticipation bubbling in me like a pot boiling over.
I can’t wait to see his face… I just want to see him again.
But when the door whips open, I’m met with vibrant teal eyes and bright
pink hair.
 “Oh, hello.” Frankie squints up at me, her lips curving into a small smirk.
“I knew you’d show up eventually.”
“Hi…” I mumble, peering over her head inside the apartment. I
immediately spot Bea, Zeb, and Micah. “Is he… here?”
“Don’t let him in!” Zeb calls out. “He’s the reason my friend is shuffling
around like a zombie right now.”
I scowl at him, then glance at Frankie. She’s just standing there with her
arms folded over her chest, hip popped out and everything.
“Frankie, come on. I just need to see him.” She says nothing, so I push
past her, stalking inside. “Avi??” I’m looking everywhere, frantically
stomping around like I expect him to pop out of a closet or something.
“Avi?!”
“He’s not here,” Bea says, brows knitted in concern. Micah elbows her,
and she squeaks, “What?? He’s obviously upset about them splitting up.”
I pause and gawk at them all. “So… he told you that we… broke up?”
“Not in so many words,” Frankie croons. “But yea, he told us you ditched
him in Cali because you needed some space.”
My heart…
I’m not sure why I thought Avi might’ve told them why I left. He’d never
betray my trust like that. So he just told them I dumped him, and now they all
think I’m the bad guy. Great…
My lips curve, but I smother it. “Where is he? I need to see him…”
“He’s preoccupied.” Zeb smirks at me.
My heart falls, and I gulp. “Is he… with someone?” My face whips in
Frankie’s direction. “Is he dating someone??”
Frankie pouts, and shakes her head. “You’re so sweet. No, pumpkin, he’s
not dating anyone. He’s wallowing… in his new place.”
New place?? “Avi got an apartment?”
“He’s subletting a place in Brighton with his mom,” Micah says.
“I need the address,” I demand. They all stare at me, and I roll my eyes.
“Please.”
“It’s 501—” Bea starts, but Zeb slaps his hand over her mouth.
My patience is wearing thin. “Okay, listen… You guys don’t know the
reason why I left, so I understand you’re just protecting your friend, because
you think I broke his heart. And why wouldn’t you?? I’ve been bullying him
and running from him for forever. But the truth is that I’m in love with him.
I’m so crazy in love with him, and I just want to be with him… To hold his
hand, and buy him Twizzlers, and listen to him talk about reptilians. I want to
support him like he’s supported me, and I want to see his eyes sparkle when
he’s excited. I’m in love with Avi Vega, wholly, truly, un-fucking-deniably.”
I bend to make eye contact with Zeb. “So I’m gonna need that address…
Because I don’t want, I need to kiss him right now. More than I need air in
my lungs.”
Zeb blinks at me, his forehead lining as his hand slips away from Bea’s
mouth. “That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
“It’s like a romance novel!” she squeals.
I peek at Micah, who grins. “It’s 501 Chiswick Rd. Apartment 4F.”
A giant smile hijacks my lips as I turn to face Frankie. She breathes out
slowly, then pinches my chin. “Not your baby, my ass,” she sneers, and I
chuckle. “Go on, baby. Go get your boy.”
 Slay_is4whors3s: Backwardz_Avi r u Backwardz_Cap??? Where’s Not_Your_Baby?!?!
Slickrick762: BC Eagles QB Kyran Harbor just changed his IG to His_Baby… Do you
think…????

The picture I’ve been sketching is gorgeous…

And it’s pissing me off.
I’m not usually so annoyed while drawing, but right now, I’m frustrated
and the songs playing in my ears are all driving me insane.
Love songs… Lyrics about his haze and his reverie…
But he’s not here. And I’m just… sad. And angry.
Okay, I need to take break… before I snap another charcoal pencil in
half.
Ripping the headphones off my head, I toss them down with my pencils,
standing up and yanking my hair in my fists. I peer down at the fuzzy blanket
on the floor, where Robin is lying, gazing up at me with wide, yellow eyes.
“What are you looking at?” I grumble. She blinks at me. “Mom!” I growl
out loud, stalking out of my bedroom.
“Yes, dear?” my mother mumbles from the living room.
I’m in the kitchen in an instant, rifling through the cupboards. “Please tell
me we have more Lucky Charms… I’m in need of the kind of comfort only
freeze-dried marshmallows can provide.”
Mom sighs, a pitying sound, and I shoot a glare in her direction. “Avi, I
say this with love…” she starts, standing up from the couch. “You need to
smoke some weed. Because you’re stressing me out.”
My jaw clenches together, in an annoyance that’s been surrounding me
like an aura for the past five weeks. “You know I quit…”
“Yea, I know.” She rubs her eyes. “And as your mother, I feel like I need
to tell you this… you’ve been way too grouchy the last few weeks. It’s
making it impossible to even be around you.”
She gives me a sympathetic head tilt that forces me to pause my rampant
ransacking for junk food.
“Well, I’m sorry.” I slam the cupboard door. “I apologize that my attempt
at getting healthy is so inconvenient to everyone.”
I know I’m being ridiculous, but I can’t help it.
Not only have I not smoked in five weeks, but I also haven’t gotten laid in
five weeks, and between the two, I’ve officially become the most insufferable
person in the Greater Boston Area.
I’m aware of it. But unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do to help it.
I stopped smoking for Kyran. And then he left.
And now I’m just drifting through my days… driving everyone I know
insane with my moodiness, apparently.
My mother steps over to me, running her hands up my shoulders. “Avi…
it’s okay to miss him, you know. If you want to talk about him, I’m more
than willing to—”
“That’s just it,” I cut her off. “I can’t talk about him. Because talking
about him makes me miss him even more, and missing him does nothing for
me. Because he won’t talk to me, I don’t know where he is, and I have no
idea if he’s ever coming back.” Stopping to take a breath, I cover my face
with my palms. “I don’t know what to do with these feelings… I don’t know
if I’m wasting my time waiting for him. I’m just… lost.”
My mom pouts to cover a smile, brushing my hair back with her fingers.
“Sweetie, you’re not lost. You’re in love. And I know it hurts sometimes…
caring so much for someone and not knowing where they stand.”
I blink at her, the weight of my emotions crushing me into the hardwood
floor. “So what am I supposed to do, then?”
She stares at me for a moment before murmuring, “Just keep holding on.
If it’s meant to be, then it’ll work out.”
She shows me a small grin, and I roll my eyes. “That’s really comforting.
Thanks, Mom.”
Shaking her head, she turns and grabs her coat. “I’m going out for a bit.”
“Where??” I grunt.
“Out,” she repeats firmly, heading for the door. “Maybe by the time I get
back, you’ll be a little less… severe.”
She leaves while I’m grumbling, “Unlikely.”
Once she’s gone, I sigh, glancing around our new apartment. It’s a sublet,
from some nice lady named Jill, who I guess lives down in Florida half the
year to escape the cruel New England winters. I know we’ll probably have to
find something else in a few months, but for now, it works.
When my mom moved out of Tom’s house in Somerville, it only made
sense for us to get a place together again, since I’m no longer in school. I hate
to admit it, but I’ve been drifting over the last few weeks, what with Kyran
being gone and all. I’d hoped that working on my art would sustain me, but
everything I do just ends up reminding me of him.
Living with Frankie was fun while it lasted, but just like my mom is now,
she too got sick of my crabbiness. I guess the not smoking and being
devastated over the loss of my sweet, sexy control-freak is turning me into
the grumpy pessimist Kyran used to be… Before we fell in love.
Ouch. My chest… I miss him so fucking much, goddamnit.
At least my art projects have been distracting me during the day… But at
night, I can’t help but feel so monumentally alone.
Right now, I’m coasting on the money I had saved up from the OnlyFans,
and since I no longer need to worry about paying for school, it works. But I
suppose I’ll need to find a job soon… One that doesn’t consist of me fucking
my boyfriend on camera.
The problem is that my fans are still around, and they’re all just as
desperate as I am to get Not_Your_Baby back. It’s making me all the more
miserable, because truthfully, I would love nothing more than to get the Fans
going again. Those few months were the best times of my life… and I have
constant DMs from desperate strangers coming in all day every day to
solidify the memories.
Abandoning my search for junk food, I tug my phone out of my pocket
and scroll through social media. My Instagram is a barrage of comments and
messages since I changed my name… People constantly inquiring about my
lost partner.
Where’s Not_Your_Baby??
Will you ever come back to OnlyFans?
When Not_Your_Baby comes back, can we get more sex toy vids?? That
was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
Yea. I know it was…
 But I don’t just miss the sex with Kyran. Of course, that’s just one
extremely enticing sugar-dipped part of it. Mostly, I miss him. I miss being
with him…
I miss his smell, his soft skin and his sick body, with all those masculine
slopes of perfectly taut muscle… His silky dirty blonde hair, the way his
pillowy lips feel kissing me everywhere. I miss his hazel glares and little
scowls, but more importantly, his smiles. His laughter, and his seriousness.
His hesitance, and his overwhelming past.
I miss all of it. I just miss him, and everything we started to be before he
took off.
If I could just get him back, I’d spend every single day putting him
together, and not caring one bit about it. I would make it my life’s mission to
fix whatever he thinks is broken, if he wanted me to… It would be my honor
to be his handyman.
No amount of work will ever be work with Kyran Harbor.
Because I’m an obvious masochist, I can’t help checking his Instagram…
just to see if anything new has been posted since I last checked it… two hours
ago.
Shortly after he left, Kyran deleted all of his previous posts, which I guess
I can understand. None of those pictures captured the real Kyran. It was part
of his image, and I guess now he’s done pretending.
But this time, when I check his profile, something is different.
His name has been changed… to His_Baby.
I blink at the screen, my stomach bunching up tight while my pulse
thumps in my throat. His name used to say QB 9—Kyran Harbor. But now
it says… His_Baby.
Chewing on my lower lip, I scroll down to where it used to say No Posts,
and now there is one. It’s a black box of white text that says…
I’m in love with an angel.
Proceeding to read the caption, my chest grows tight as my eyes scan the
words…
I’m in love with an angel. And not the kind with wings and a halo.
A human with a heart bigger than a football field.
An angel with talent that knows no bounds, who doesn’t conform to
societal norms, because those are for suckers.
Who believes in aliens and cryptids… Conspiracy theories? My angel
knows them all, and will tell you just how misguided your truths are.
I’m in love with an angel who is gorgeous and sexy, and has a body
that’ll make you weep… And funnily enough, it’s made up almost entirely of
sugar.
I’m in love with an angel who uses Twizzlers as straws and gives gummy
bears names.
Oh, hello, Bob. Nice to eat you today.
I’m in love with an angel who never stopped believing in me… Even after
every bad thing I ever did to him. An angel I used to say hurtful things to, but
who still spoke words of encouragement to me when I needed it… Who was
there for me when no one else was. An angel who told me it’s not over until
it’s over. Because it’s not. I promise, it’s not.
My angel was the last person I thought I could love…
But I came back to him, over and over, because my heart wanted him
when I didn’t understand why. And now I do understand it. It’s as clear as
the crystalline grayish blue in his eyes.
My angel saved me. He rescued me from hiding. He held me when I
needed him, and he loved me when I didn’t.
He’s selfless, real… just a brilliant, beautiful fucking weirdo.
I’m in love with an angel… And his name is Avi.
My heart is aching, throbbing by the time I’m done reading, a tickling
pressure in my sinuses making me sniff over and over. I could fall to my
knees right now, I’m quaking so deep down to my core.
I can’t believe he wrote this… On his real profile. His profile that
everyone knows is his. He wrote this for me.
“Where are you, baby?” I whisper to my phone, bottom lip shivering.
“Just come home.”
It feels impossible not to call him right now, but I force myself not to,
because I just can’t anymore. He hasn’t answered a single one of my calls in
almost six weeks, and the only time he’s said anything to me is that text I
received weeks ago, telling me he’s okay, and that he’s coming back for me.
And for that reason alone, I’ve held out hope.
I need to give him space.
But it hasn’t been fucking easy.
We don’t need to be apart. Because what he doesn’t know is that I didn’t
save him… He saved me.
 I spent most of my life drifting… never really knowing who I was, or
what I was meant to be. Until my grouchy stepbrother came along, and
showed me.
I’m a mascot; someone who supports and rallies for others. I’m an artist
and an entertainer. I’m a lover, a friend, but most of all, I’m in love with the
man who made all of that so painfully apparent to me.
The hot grouchy blonde, with all his internal scars. He took my hand at
the edge, and squeezed it. And we fell together.
For only the millionth time since he left, I have to force myself to toss my
phone away. Rushing into my bedroom, I locate a joint, hidden away in my
desk drawer.
I know I quit smoking for Kyran, and I’m proud of myself for holding out
as long as I have. But right now, I just need to get high… to numb myself of
all these feelings. To forget about how empty I am without him here.
I’m flicking the lighter over and over, grumbling to myself about how it
sucks and I need to get a new one, when there’s a knock at the front door.
I freeze with the joint between my lips, standing still for a moment before
I pluck it out and toss it back onto my desk. Stowing my frustrations as best I
can, I pad my way through the apartment over to the door, more impatient
knocking happening as I reach for the handle.
Without a second thought, I whip it open, barking, “Alright, alright…
Hold your—”
But all my rumbling annoyance dissolves with my voice when I’m met
with hazel eyes, golden hair, and a puffy pink grin.
“Wow…” Kyran sighs, cocking his head. “You look… distraught.”
My brow furrows, blinking rapidly as my mouth hangs open. I’m
gawking at him for a solid three seconds before I’m finally able to stammer,
“N-no, I don’t…”
“You do.” His beautiful grin widens, and surely, I’m hallucinating. He’s
not really here… This must be a tulpa I’ve manifested in my state of lonesome
misery. “You look like you’re doing just… awful without me.”
I’m shocked. Stunned. He’s really here…?
Kyran…
Kyran’s here.
And he’s right. I’m running on fumes, and I know I probably look all
disheveled and heartbroken. But there’s no way I can admit that to him when
he just showed up and startled me like this.
 So I purse my lips and mutter, “Actually, I’m living the dream. Who even
are you?? You’re disturbing my lunch of diamond caviar and gold-dipped
truffles.”
Kyran laughs, and the sound is an awakening. My pulse is racing, chills
sheeting my body as he advances toward me, hands coming to rest on my
chest as he sort of just pushes his way inside.
And I’m thrown enough to back up, thrilled and nervous and flying high
on pure joy from finally being in his presence again.
The feel of him touching me… The warmth of his hands, the glow of his
smile… It’s turning me into a bumbling fool. In an instant, I’m shaking.
I just can’t stop staring at him… and how positively gorgeous he looks, in
real life. Not in old pictures I’ve been staring at, or videos I’ve watched a
million times just to feel close to him. For the first time in over a month, I’m
seeing him with my own two wide eyes.
He’s real. Real Kyran.
“I hope you don’t mind that I just… showed up,” he murmurs, backing
me up into the nearest wall. “I got your address from your friends.”
“I… I don’t…” My words won’t even come out right. I’m short-
circuiting. “I can’t…”
“I love making you speechless,” he breathes, licking his lips.
“Kyran,” I whisper his name, snapping out of it enough to cup his jaw
with my hands. “Is it really you?? I need confirmation, because I’ve had this
dream more than a few times…”
He chuckles, leaning in to rest his forehead on mine. “And what happens
in these dreams? Are you… happy?”
“Are you kidding?” My lips shiver on his. “There is no happiness for me
without you.”
“God, I fucking missed you…” His fingers slide up my neck, and I have
to shake my head.
I can’t even believe this is happening. I can’t believe he’s actually here,
touching me. Raking his long, perfect fingers through my hair, tucking his
face into the crook of my neck and sniffing me the way he used to.
God, I think I’m convulsing.
“Why…” I croak, then clear my throat, as he seals his body to mine,
trapping me against the wall. “Why are you here… now?”
“I never wanted to be away you from, Avi.” His lips curve into a pout that
I can feel while he speaks on my throat. “You have to know that…”
 “Tell me why then, Kyran,” I whimper, with his hands sliding all over me,
like he missed touching me so bad. It’s bringing me back to life… I’m
resurrected.
“Because, baby…” he hums, regretfully. Hesitantly. That Kyran
uncertainty that makes my knees weak. “I couldn’t stand the idea of forcing
you to fix me. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“But don’t you know that I don’t care??” I huff, lifting his face so that our
eyes meet. “Kyran, I want to fix you. Nothing in my life has ever made me
happier than to open the door for you every single time you showed up, lost
and confused and needing me to show you how good it can feel to let go. I
love fixing you, baby, and if you need me to, I will. It would be my greatest
pleasure.”
“I know that,” he breathes, our gazes sticking like glue. “And I love you
for it. But I needed to learn to fix myself for us to be together. I want you with
the real Kyran, baby. Because the real Kyran fell so hard in love with you,
Avi Vega. You got me here. You’re my angel…”
“I just saw your post.” I smirk, and he smiles, teasing my lips with it.
“I want everyone to know whose baby I am,” he whispers.
God, I feel like I’m flying. Falling from up high, but floating in the air.
And yes, it’s still scary. Because I’ve never been in love before, and I’m
terrified of losing him again. It’s a staggering notion, putting yourself in
someone’s hands like this.
But with his hand in mine, this fall is a great dive.
“Please don’t ever leave me again.” I kiss the words onto his sweet, soft
mouth that I missed so much I’m about to collapse. “Please, Kyran…
Anything you’re feeling, we can work it out together. Just don’t… don’t
leave me.”
I hate how vulnerable I sound, but I can’t help it. Having him back is a
shot of dopamine I’ve been seriously lacking since he left.
He hums. “In case you haven’t noticed, I have a bad habit of running
from you, baby. But I’m done now… Avi, you deserve to be chased.”
My chest is wide open as I cling to him. “It’s not a chase if I’m desperate
to let you catch me.”
“Angel Avi…” he purrs and smiles.
No more words. Just lips.
He kisses me first, hard and fast, groaning as he does, like he’s been
starved for weeks and he’s finally being nourished again. The reunion of our
mouths has my mind going topsy-turvy, heating my blood in an instant. My
fingers twitch with need, taking in every surface of him, every curve and dip
of hard muscle, every plane of soft skin I can reach. His silky hair and his
warmth, and the fact that he’s smiling the whole time.
He’s happy, and I’m soaring.
“I want to tell you everything…” he whispers hoarsely into my mouth
while we pant and suck and lick and bite, grinding together rough to make up
for the lost time. “So much good happened while I was gone… even though I
hated every second of being away from you.”
“I can’t wait to hear about it, beautiful,” I sigh, replete already just from
being with him again. I’m finally settled, and it feels like I’ve just waltzed
through the pearly gates of heaven. “I could listen to your voice for hours.”
“You wanna talk now?” He smirks, and I mirror it… two sets of already
swollen lips from the force of our ravenous kisses.
“If you’re okay with it…” I bite his bottom lip, and he hums. “I’d rather
pick your ass up and fuck you against something first.”
“Always giving me what I need,” he whimpers. “My sweet, strawberry
angel.”
Bearing myself against the wall, I grab him by the ass and hoist him up on
my body. He gasps and chuckles, wrapping his legs around my waist while I
carry him toward my bedroom.
“I love being with someone strong enough to lift me up,” he sighs,
fluttering his tongue over my lip, then sinking it into my mouth. My cock
throbs against his through our pants.
“You wanna get tossed around a little, sexy thing?” I growl, and he
groans, nodding and writhing in my arms.
“I just fucking missed you so bad, baby.” He rips my hair in his fists. “I
haven’t come since the last time we were together…”
“Mmm… Not even once?”
He shakes his head.
“Me neither.”
I walk us over to my drawing table and lie him down on it. His legs stay
around my waist, clutching me to him while I hold his jaw and kiss him so
furiously it’s like I’m punishing his sweet, soft mouth.
“You didn’t stroke your big cock while you were missing me?” he
whispers.
“Uh-uh.” I shake my head. “I couldn’t. It only wants you.”
 “I’m here.” He slides his hand between us to rub my shape over my pants.
“Let me take care of you.”
“Are you talking to me… or my dick?” I grin.
He rumbles a sexy little laugh. “I missed you both equally.”
A desperate whimper leaves me as I suck off his mouth just long enough
to gaze down at him. I don’t think he realizes he’s lying on top of a pile of
drawings of him… but it’s a marvelous sight to behold.
I’ve been sketching nothing but Kyran for weeks… The only thing my
hands seemed to want to do. And now he’s here; the real Kyran, my baby.
Lying on a background of his eyes, and lips and muscled torsos. His beauty
captured on paper, which does no justice to the gorgeous being gazing up at
me.
Ripping my shirt over my head, I toss it fast, then do the same to his.
We’re scrambling out of our clothes, fingers chasing, rushing and exploring,
fevered breaths echoing around us within the muggy heat of a lust returned
home.
“Where’s your mom?” he asks as I peel his pants and boxers down his
legs, running my hand up the length of his giant, swollen cock.
“She went out to get away from me,” I hum, and he laughs. “Apparently,
I’ve been difficult to be around these past few weeks.”
His lashes flutter as he bites his lip, taming the wild smile that won’t
leave his mouth. “You mean even Mr. Blasé himself was getting a lil
moody?”
“Yea,” I growl, shoving my pants and boxers down my thighs. “No weed,
no sex, and no Kyran for over a month turned up the grump-o-meter.”
His eyes sparkle up at me. “You haven’t been smoking…?”
My chin dips as I trace his abs with my fingertips. “I quit before the Rose
Bowl.” He blinks at me, and I clear my throat. “I… I didn’t want to be foggy
with you, baby. Plus, you’re a better high than any drug could ever give.”
He looks like he’s stunned and elated by what I’m saying, his wide chest
moving up and down with panting breaths.
“Angel…” He sighs, using his feet to push my pants down lower. “Get all
the way naked for me. Get naked and fuck me the way I need you to…”
Of course I do, giving him exactly what he wants, because nothing makes
me happier than pleasing him. Giving him what he needs.
Peering over my shoulder at the bedroom door, which isn’t closed
anywhere near enough, I mumble, “If my mom comes home early, she’ll be
scarred for life.”
We both chuckle, kissing and melding our heated flesh together.
“Well… remember Christmas?” he rumbles, and I nod. “The potential of
getting caught is a kink I love exploring with you… bro.”
I laugh into his mouth, grinding my cock on his, tips all sticky, balls
brushing in slow strokes. He touches my chest, gripping my pecs and teasing
my nipples. It feels so sensual, erotic, the way we’re coming together with
nothing in the way.
It’s Kyran and Avi uncensored. Real sex, real love.
“If the fans could see us now,” I mumble on his mouth, reaching around
for some lube I know is in one of these drawers.
Kyran stops our kisses, and I blink down at him to find him flushing up at
me, lust-drunk and so goddamn beautiful. “We should record it. For old
time’s sake.” I cock a brow at him while he bites his lip. “Show them that
we’re back together. We owe it to them, after all… Us.”
My stomach flutters at what he’s suggesting. All this time, I thought
Kyran regretted the OnlyFans. I thought he saw it as something that could
harm his reputation, and I blamed myself for getting him mixed up in it.
But as it turns out, we were doing this for the fans… Because we turned
out to be fans, too.
“What about… the NFL?” I ask, and he shrugs.
“If they really want me, they’ll get over it.” He traces my bottom lip with
his finger. “Just one last hoorah… What do you think, my Backwardz
Angel?”
I grin and bite it. “I think it’s about to be real obvious whose baby you
are, superstar.”
He makes a hungry sound while I reach down for his pants, pulling out
his phone. He unlocks it for me, my lips dancing on his. “For the fans?”
He grins, kissing me softly. “For the fans.”
Kyran holds the phone while I pour lube all over my fingers, stroking it
onto my dick, then swiping some between his cheeks. He gasps as I massage
the lube on his rim, slipping a finger inside him.
“For us…” I kiss his neck, fingering his hole nice and slow.
“Always for us,” he purrs.
“Action,” I hum, and his laugh turns to a groan when I slide in a second
finger.
Kyran holds up the camera, recording me while I kiss all over his chest,
fluttering his nipples with my tongue, my fingers pumping in and out of him,
drawing out frantic breaths.
“My baby’s back.” I suck and bite the words onto his chest, making
hickeys on his flesh that cause him to grumble.
“You’re not wearing the hat,” he snickers breathlessly. “They might not
recognize you.”
Peeking up at the camera, I smirk. “This is Backwardz_Cap, reporting
live from in between Not_Your_Baby’s legs.” He chuckles, then whines
when I touch his prostate. “Mmm… capture that, babe. Look at how wet your
dick gets feeling me inside…”
He aims the camera at his cock, resting on his abs beneath mine, all
engorged and pulsing out pearls of precum. I have to take a second to play
with it, slipping my thumb into the skin and swirling it around his head with
all the slickness.
“Please hold,” I grunt, crouching and draping his knees over my
shoulders. “This needs to be licked.”
Using my tongue on his dick, I slip it inside the skin, sucking and sucking
his head out like one of those push-pops.
“Ohh… Avi,” his words flutter. “I missed your tongue teasing me like
that…”
“I missed sucking on this pretty pink head,” I growl, and he whines,
fingers twisting in my hair while he records me loving up on his delicious
cock.
My fingers continue to stroke in his ass, a third being added to the mix
that clenches his abs.
“You wanna get fucked, superstar?” I tug at his nuts until he’s shivering.
“Yea… yes, please,” he whimpers, spreading his legs wider, arching his
back like he’s offering his hole up to me. “Fuck my ass, baby. Fuck it like
you missed it.”
“God, I fucking missed it…”
Pulling my fingers out slowly, I stand back up, wedging myself between
his legs and wasting no time sinking my cock between his cheeks. Kyran is
holding the camera, but I’m not even paying attention to it. As usual.
My eyes are on him, on his eyes wanting to droop shut when my crown
slips in, his parted plush lips quivering. His Adam’s apple that I just love
biting and sucking, dips in his throat as I feed my dick into his greedy hole.
And he swallows me up… Every. Aching. Inch.
 Snatching the camera away from him, I capture the visual of me barreling
in all the way, holding his balls and moving them to get the perfect view.
“Fffuuuck, Avi…” He reaches for my waist while I pull back and push in,
the sensation of being inside him again sheeting my body with manic shivers.
“I love you… I love… your big… thick cock.”
“You missed this dick, baby?” I groan, and he nods fast, his ass gripping
me while I slide, working up a rhythm in his hot, quivering body.
“I missed this dick…” His fingers dig into my sides. I pump harder,
jostling him up and down on the table with my increasingly sturdy thrusts. “I
missed this perfect dick fucking me so good.”
“This dick was made to fuck you, beautiful.” My head is spinning as I
melt over him, kissing his lips and recording myself doing it. “We fit together
so well.”
“You make me whole,” he whispers into my mouth.
“I love you,” I croak, driving into him harder and harder, grabbing a
handful of his ass and holding him to me. “Stay with me forever, baby…”
“I’m yours, Aviel,” he sighs, and my heart is breaking through my chest.
“Just yours. Always.”
Setting the phone down for a moment, I pick him up and flip us around,
so that my back is on the table, and I’m holding him up on my waist. His eyes
widen at the sudden position change, and I’m obsessed with the look. Kyran
sitting astride my lap, his knees braced on the table, sweat-slicked skin
flushed and glistening, golden hair all tousled and hanging in his face.
“Ride me, gorgeous,” I plead up to him. “Show me how much you missed
fucking my cock.”
His head drops back, and he groans, pawing at my chest while his hips
move, working his hot, tight hole up and down my shaft. He’s a revelation,
this man. I could get off just watching him.
I get it, fans. I totally see it.
“Uhh… Avi,” he cries softly, his dick bobbing while he chases the high,
swiveling and rocking on me. The table is creaking beneath our weight,
banging against the wall. “Fffuck, it feels amazing. I’m gonna come so
soon…”
“Make yourself come on me, baby.” I grip his hips, helping him ride.
“Fuck that sweet spot with my dick.”
“Mmmfff… you’re like… all over it.” He clenches on me, muscles
tightening visibly as he climbs and climbs.
 “You want me to come on it?” I grab the phone to capture just a bit of this
because it looks so damn crazy fucking good.
“Yea, baby. Ohh, angel… come inside me.” He bounces harder, lost to
the sensation. “Soak my prostate with your hot cum…”
“Jesus, your mouth is fucking filthy,” I roar, pushing my hips upward to
meet his thrusts, our bodies jamming together rougher and faster. “Give me
all your dirty words… Tell me how you wanna come, my beautiful, big-
dicked slut.”
“Ohhfuck… oh fuck oh fuck… Avi, I’m a slut for your cock.”
“Yea, you are, baby.”
Tense, sweating, squirming, and losing my fucking mind, my back has
papers stuck to it, sliding up and down on the table while he rocks my
fucking world.
“Fuck the cum out of me, Daddy,” he chokes, and I rasp a breathless
chuckle, watching his eyes roll back in his head. “Fuuuck… fuck my ass.
Fuck… my… tight… Oh God, I’m coming!”
I can barely even hold the phone, but I make sure to capture him coming
because it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. His huge, rock-hard
cock pulsing out streams all over me while he humps my fucking brains out.
He’s fucking himself on me so hard, the cum is just spraying all over the
place, his wet cock slapping on my abs while he sobs and mewls and pinches
my nipples until I just can’t take it anymore.
Dropping the phone onto the floor, I grip his back, holding him to me as
trembles rack my loins and I explode into a meteor shower of an orgasm.
“Baby… I’m coming in you,” I whimper, pulling him down to me. “K-
kiss me. Kiss me, Kyran, oh my God, I love you.”
He collapses onto me, our teeth clashing while we suck and lick and bite
each other, groaning and grunting into each other’s mouths.
“Avi… Ahhh-veee, angel, I feel you coming in my ass… Fuck, it feels so
good.”
“Y-yea? You feel me spilling in you, love?”
“Your cum feels so good in me. I love you, baby. I love how you fuck…”
Holding his jaw, our bodies grind together in a big sweaty cum-drenched
pile of muscles. I lick his bottom lip, sucking it hard, devouring the dirty
words as they pour from his luscious mouth.
“I fucking missed you.” I shudder as we finally stop moving, limbs
shaking, hearts leaping into one another.
 “I missed you like crazy.” He lifts his face enough for us to lock eyes.
The love flowing between us is palpable, like an explosion of chemistry;
a force that will never die down. It’s always been this way with us… An
unexplainable draw that pulls us together.
We spend a few heavy seconds petting each other, my fingers in his hair
and his trailing from my jaw down my throat. And we’re just staring, feeling
it.
We’re finally here. Snapped into place. Whole.
Kyran kisses my bottom lip a few times while I just lie here breathing,
fuzzy and warm all over. Happy, for the first time in weeks. Because my man
is back, and he feels good. We made it. We won the game.
He moves back, and I hold his hands, pulling out and helping him stand
up. He bites his lip, pressing his legs together, and it’s somehow the hottest
and most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, watching him squirm at the feel of
my cum gushing out of him. Standing up slowly, I take his hand and kiss his
palm.
He grins, eyes shifting to something behind me. His brows furrow, and I
realize that he’s noticing all my drawings.
“Oh… yea,” I mumble sheepishly as he reaches for the pictures. “I did
those… I mean, I was just missing you, so I…” My voice trails off, and I
gulp.
“Avi…” he breathes, sifting through papers that are now all rumpled,
covered in our sweat. “These are incredible.”
I scoff, shaking my head. “They’re just sketches.”
“These are just sketches??” He gapes at me. “Look at the lines… Wow.”
He keeps flipping through all the drawings I did of him while he was gone.
And some I did before… back in the dorm, when we were still theoretically
fucking for the fans.
Some are just his eyes, or his mouth. Some are his full face, some just his
body. I have ones of him sleeping and ones of him smiling, scowling,
fucking, and coming. There are probably close to fifty sketches of Kyran
Harbor, proving once more that I’ve been obsessively into him for so much
longer than I cared to admit.
“You’ve been drawing me the whole time… haven’t you?” he whispers,
blinking shimmery eyes at me.
“Kind of…” I murmur, and he grins. I love seeing it so much that I sigh,
“Okay, yes. I’ve been in love with you for a while… clearly.”
 Kyran pouts and throws his arms around my shoulders, draping himself
on me. And like the only real instinct I’ve ever had, my arms circle his waist,
and I hold him.
“I’m sorry for all the time I wasted being scared,” he whispers.
I shake my head. “Don’t ever apologize for that. You’re worth all the
time in the world, baby. I would’ve waited years for you.”
He kisses my cheek, then my neck, breathing softly as he asks, “Can I
keep the pictures?”
I chuckle. “I can do better ones for you…”
“I like those.”
And his words give me an idea.
Pulling back, I cup his jaw in my hand. “Let’s go get cleaned up, baby. I
have something to show you.”
 Kyran Harbor is “in a relationship” with Avi Vega
Avi Vega is “in a relationship” with Twizzlers

His_Baby: What a fool…

Backwardz_Avi: My alien came back to Earth!

Color me bat-shit crazy. Because I’m mad, bonkers, foolishly in love right
now.
My man is back, and I’m bouncing in excitement to show him what I’ve
been working on while he was gone. I mean, other than the obsessive
sketches.
Honestly, I’m kind of surprised that he loves to sketches as much as he
apparently does. If you hung them all up on one wall, it would look like the
kind of psycho-stalker shrine lunatics make for celebrities whose bushes they
jerk off in.
Who knows, maybe I am that level of obsessed with Kyran. But he seems
to think it’s endearing, so we’ll just go with that.
After we showered, which took much longer than it should have because
we couldn’t seem to keep our mouths away from each other’s dicks, I packed
my stepbrother boyfriend into an Uber and brought him to Davis Square in
Somerville. We held hands the entire ride, making heart eyes at each other…
It was sickeningly sweet, and I’m living for it.
I know things with Kyran won’t always be as perfect as they are right
now. We still haven’t really talked about the issues that made him leave in
the first place. But I can’t deny the fact that he seems happier than I’ve ever
seen him before. I recognize the Kyran I’m with right now… From the little
glimpses I would get when we were alone together, like at the drive-in or the
Rose Bowl after-party, when he kissed me in front of everyone.
And I know now that this is the real Kyran. Smiling and laughing, not
lashing out at me because of his own insecurities, or forcing himself to deny
what makes him happy.
The real Kyran seems infinitely more centered, peaceful, and joyous. I’m
not so naïve as to think he’ll always be like this. After all, he suffered
something so traumatic, it makes all the sense in the world that he’d have a
second personality. Like a shield up to protect him from ever having to relive
his pain.
But honestly, I fell in love with all the versions of him. I just want every
shade of Kyran Harbor, every day, in whatever way he happens to be feeling.
Walking around the corner, our fingers still entwined, I murmur,
“Alright… Close your eyes.”
“Oh, so it’s one of those surprises?” He smirks at me.
“Yes, dear,” I hum, and he chuckles. “Close your damn eyes or I’ll be
forced to cover them.”
He squints at me. “You’re being pretty bossy right now. I’d like a
refund.”
“And you’ve got jokes all of a sudden,” I tease, and he laughs some more.
“It almost seems like we body-swapped while you were away.”
“Mmm… I wanna be in your body,” he rumbles, yanking me to him by
one of my belt loops.
“You’re being entirely too fresh right now.” My lashes flutter at the feel
of his lips on my neck. “I’m trying to show you something important.”
He whines with his hands all over me. “I’m sorry… I just missed you so
much. I didn’t touch you for weeks when all I wanted in the world was to do
it. I have to make up for lost time.”
“Trust me, I know the feeling, superstar,” I breathe, feeling him smile on
my ear.
“I love that you still call me that,” he murmurs, and I chuckle. “It reminds
me of you driving me crazy using all my shampoo when we shared a
bathroom.”
“Okay, first of all, that was my shampoo…”
He gasps. “You’re fucking nuts!”
“Am not! I bought it for myself!”
“Avi, no offense, but you were baked more often than not. I’ve never
known you to buy your own shampoo. You just steal it from everyone else.”
He stares at me pointedly.
My gaze narrows while I try to think back on any instance when I went
into a store and purchased shampoo. But I’m coming up blank.
“Fine… You might be right,” I grumble, and his lips curl. “But this is all
irrelevant. I’m gonna be stealing your shampoo for the foreseeable future, so
you better get used to it.”
He blinks at me, biting his lip to contain an obvious grin. “Is that your
way of saying you want to live with me again?”
My heart jumps against my ribs. No shit, I want to live with him. Being
with him every day sounds like a sex-dream come true. But I wasn’t sure it
was something he wanted yet…
“Do you… want us to live together?” My fingertip draws a figure-eight
over his heart.
Kyran’s lips slope into a smile that compliments the fuck out of the
shimmering excitement in his eyes. “I think living with you would be the
most fun thing ever. We could wake up in bed together, do a little of the old
in-and-out…” I cackle, and he beams. “Cook pancakes in our underwear,
cuddle on the couch and watch movies… Argue about what takeout to order.”
I laugh again, shaking my head at his insufferable cuteness. “You mean
like we were just on the cusp of being able to do in 446 before Ash Holloway
showed up and ruined it?”
He chuckles. “Yea. Exactly.”
“Okay, then.” I pinch his chin between my fingers. “It’s settled. We’ll
move in together. In our own place.”
Kyran is practically skipping in place, hugging me and kissing my face.
Seriously, if this is what it’s like to make him happy, I think I might need to
make a career out of spoiling the shit out of him.
And best of all, people are walking by us on the street while he’s
showering me with affection, and he clearly doesn’t mind at all. At last, we’re
in a real relationship, out in the open. I have a boyfriend!
I might have slipped through a portal into another dimension. But
whatever. I’m staying.
“Kyran, seriously,” I whine, peeling him off of me. “You’re derailing my
surprise…”
“Sorry,” he chirps, backing up and covering his eyes with his hands. “So
sorry, angel. Lead the way.”
 My grin is like a neon sign flashing love virgin as I take him by the arm,
walking him a few steps and around the other corner to the side of the
restaurant.
I gaze up at it for a moment, beaming with pride whilst fidgeting with
nerves as I breathe, “Okay… You can look.”
Kyran’s hands slide away from his eyes. I watch him closely while his
eyes widen and his jaw drops, observing the giant spray-painted mural.
“Avi… Oh my God…” His tone drips with awe. “You did this??”
“Mhm.” I chew on the inside of my cheek, hoping like hell that he likes it.
He likes it, right?? I mean, I know it’s not the best thing ever, but… he
probably likes it…
“This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!” he gasps, turning to face
me.
My stomach flips, and I let a timid smile out. “You really like it?”
“Like it?? It’s fucking amazing!” He chuckles in disbelief, wandering
closer to the wall. “Look, there’s me!”
I rumble a laugh. “Yea, that’s you, superstar.”
He peeks at me, beaming before returning to inspecting the mural. And all
the little subtleties I put into it to make it ours.
The owners of Chow Down, this awesome Asian fusion place here in
Davis Square, were looking for a local artist to do a mural on their wall.
Frankie heard about it and gave them my number, and of course I was thrilled
to do it. I haven’t done any street art or graffiti since I left New York, but it’s
always been a dream of mine to do a big mural in a place where tons of
people would see it every day.
And that’s exactly what I did.
The cherry on the sundae is that Bette and Tony Chow, the owners, are
huge college football fans. So when I told them I wanted to do something
special for Kyran, they were obsessed with the idea of incorporating the
Eagles and our win into the portrait.
“And there’s you, right?” Kyran points to the eagle with hearts around his
head soaring on a rainbow. “The gay eagle?”
I laugh and nod. “Excuse me. I’m bi, remember?”
“Oh, is that why you did this magenta, purple, and blue here?” He smirks,
and I nod. “Aww, there’s Robin,” he croons. “She’s wearing a mask and a
cape like actual Robin!” I nod along. “And there’s a bat signal, and Mr.
Freeze… Ooh, Vincent Vega doing the twist on a stage made of Twizzlers!”
 I’m cackling. Seriously, I might be crying a little too.
“Avi, this is so fucking sick! There’s so much detail… I feel like I’d need
to look at it for hours to find everything. Like a Where’s Waldo.”
“Well… we’ll have to come back.” I wrap my arms around his waist from
behind, kissing the nape of his neck. “Maybe we could even get a place
around here… So we could see it all the time.”
He peeks at me over his shoulder. “I’m like… stupidly in love with you.”
“Baby… I’m fucking moronically in love with you.” I kiss his lips while
he chuckles. “Are you hungry?” He nods, rubbing his ass on my crotch. “For
food, Kyran.”
“Oh, yea. I’m starving,” he snickers.
“Okay… How about I take you on a date?”
He spins in my arms. “Our first official date?!”
“Fuck yea.”
He tugs on the brim of my backwards cap. “Well alright, then. Spoil me,
Backwardz Avi.”
Cupping his jaw, I kiss his lips softly. “Anything for you, Only My
Baby.”

Hours later, we return to Brighton from the best first date ever, hands still
clasped, stomachs as full as our hearts.
We had dinner at Chow Down, and damn near closed the place we were
in there for so long, talking about everything under the sun, catching each
other up on all that happened while we were apart.
I can even voice how proud I am of Kyran for starting counseling and
confronting his parents. And the shock of how things turned out with Tom
was definitely the biggest surprise of the evening.
I love a good redemption story, and it seems like Tom is on his way to
one, which makes me really happy. I’m sure there was more to the
deterioration of his relationship with my mother, so it’s not like I want them
to try to work it out or anything. From what Kyran was telling me, his dad
has his own soul-searching to do, and I think my mother will eventually find
someone more like my dad to make her happy.
 I know divorce sucks, especially after only a few years. But the marriage
wasn’t a waste of time, not by a long-shot. Because if they’d never gotten
together, I never would’ve met Kyran…
A perfect roll in this cosmic game we call life.
“I still can’t believe you haven’t smoked at all since before the Rose
Bowl,” Kyran says while we’re lying in my bed, his head resting over my
heart and my fingers in his hair. “You know I never actually hated your
smoking, right?”
“No, I know,” I tell him while he plays with my hand, tracing lines on my
palm. “I just think I was relying too heavily on it. It’s never good to lean on
substances for anything.”
“That’s very wise, angel,” he says, focusing on one line in particular.
“Which street is that?” I ask him softly.
He peeks up at me. “It’s our street. Summer Street.” He runs his fingertip
over it. “This is where I met you for the first time… Where I thought I hated
you, when really, I… secretly liked you.” I grin, and he bites his lip. “This is
where you found me on Christmas Eve… When you brought me my coat and
held me close to you.” His eyes hold mine, and I can feel everything he’s
confessing through those orbs of gold and green. “That was where I realized
that I was falling for you… I wouldn’t have admitted it at the time. But that
night, I knew something had shifted. We weren’t doing it for the fans
anymore… if we ever even were to begin with. That night, it felt like a switch
flipped in me, and I wasn’t terrified of my feelings for you anymore.”
I blink at him, breathing in these words he’s speaking.
“I was still scared of my past, yes. I was scared of what I thought it might
mean, me falling in love with a guy. Because of everything…” His voice
trails, and I nod, stroking his hair in calming brushes. “But I wasn’t afraid of
how good you made me feel anymore. I wanted so much more of it. And it
reminded me of when I was a kid…”
Kyran presses a kiss on my palm. “I wanna share some things with you,
Avi… Because I know you won’t be afraid of it, and it won’t make you love
me any less. I know that now.”
“Nothing about you or what you’ve been through would ever make me
love you any less, baby,” I whisper, and he nods.
“But when I tell you, I want you to be Avi about it,” he murmurs, and my
brow furrows.
“What does that mean?”
 He chuckles. “I just mean… don’t treat me any differently. Don’t ever
tiptoe around me, or coddle me with words. You’re not a counselor, you’re
my boyfriend, and I love you for the way you are. So when I tell you stuff, I
want you to just be you. Make jokes, be sarcastic and goofy. Please… just
don’t pity me.”
It hurts my heart that he even needs to say this to me, but I understand
where he’s coming from. Pushing his sandy hair from where it’s flopping
over his forehead, I nod in agreement.
“I promise, I would never pity you, baby. I mean, I’m not sure how much
I’ll want to be joking about what you’re going to tell me, but I would never
treat you any differently. You’re Kyran, my first love. The only person who’s
ever been to my abandoned amusement park.”
He laughs, his body shaking on top of mine and wiggling my toes with
delight.
“This amusement park doesn’t seem so creepy and run-down, by the
way,” he teases. “You made it seem like it would be much scarier than it is.”
“Yea, well… this coming from the guy who watches Texas Chainsaw
Massacre as a comfort movie.”
“It soothes me,” he sighs, and I chuckle. He’s quiet for a moment before
he asks, “How old were you when you first realized you might be bi?”
I chew on my lower lip, remaining silent for long enough that he peeks up
at me. “You’re totally gonna think I’m lying about this, but I swear to God,
it’s the truth…” His eyebrow arches. “Four years ago. It was… the first time
I saw you.”
He lets out a cackling laugh, shaking his head. “There’s no way that’s
true!”
“I swear it is! I never looked at anyone before the way I looked at you. I
didn’t want to admit it, because you were so mean and you hated me so
much.” He pouts, and I brush my thumb over his lips. “But it’s true. I actually
thought maybe I was gay at first.”
“But you’re still sticking to the fact that you’re bi?” He smirks.
“I liked hooking up with the girls I hooked up with.” I shrug. “But
honestly, I don’t even know if I would say bi… I could be pan, or omni. I
don’t want the label. I’ll just call myself queer because I don’t think gender
plays a role for me when it comes to being attracted to someone. To quote the
majestic David Rose, I like the wine, not the label.”
Kyran purses his lips over a loving smile, nestling up on top of me. “I
love that for you, angel.”
“How about you?” I stroke his hair some more. “You’ve hooked up with
your fair share of girls… Tell me about how you feel.”
He sighs. “I figured out that I was gay right before I turned twelve.”
My heart thuds in my chest at this revelation. This is something I never
knew about Kyran… I always assumed he was bisexual because of all the
girls he’s been with. But now he’s saying he’s fully gay, and he’s known
since he was a kid.
“And to be clear… I’ve only slept with two girls.” He gives me a pointed
look.
My lashes flutter. “Really??” He nods. “But you always had different
girls hanging on you at parties, and on your Instagram.”
He pretends to cough to cover up the words, “Insta-stalker.” I glare at
him, and he laughs. “I’ve hooked up with a few others, but no more than,
like… five altogether. I think that’s why I gravitated toward clingy girls who
wanted relationships, like Becca and Lexi. Because if they locked me down, I
didn’t have to worry about acting as much.”
“Baby,” I breathe, caressing his jaw. “I had no idea. So clearly you are,
like… very talented.” He chuckles, biting his lip. “You’re Leo in Django
level!”
His face lights up. “Wow! Thank you,” he chirps while I snort.
God, I love learning about him. I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of listening
to him share these intimate details of his life… Even when they’re ultimately
tragic. I just feel so goddamn special that he’s confiding in me.
“I noticed that I liked looking at boys, my friends, more than I liked
looking at the girls. It wasn’t sexual, but I just had this feeling in my stomach
that someday I wanted to date a boy. But then, after what happened… I
stuffed it all down and pretended it wasn’t true. I buried it so deep that after a
while, I convinced myself I liked girls. The denial was thick, and it was
because of something he used to say to me. Something he said when he
was… abusing me.”
The way he gulps over the words breaks my heart in two. But I won’t let
it affect the way I am with him, because I know he doesn’t want that.
He’s still my Kyran, no matter what.
“He brought it up… how he saw me looking at boys,” he goes on. “Like
he knew some secret about me, and that was why he was doing it. He said
that because I was gay, I needed to let him… do those things to me. Like it
was a penance or something.”
Kyran goes quiet for a moment, and I rumble, “Baby…”
He looks up at me with vulnerability in his eyes.
“I’ve been building this… car. It’s like a time-traveling Delorean, if you
will. And I could totally go back in time and kick this dude in the nuts for
you.”
A giant smile sweeps over his lips, and he chuckles, shaking his head. But
I can see the appreciation in his eyes, for me joking with him. It’s what he
wants… And I can’t say that I know how any of this feels, but I can
understand him wanting me to make light of the heavy stuff. After all, it’s
what I do.
I’m the one who shuffles and fist pumps on the sidelines when he’s
freaking out… I’m the one who jokes and teases him when he’s getting all up
in his head.
I’m happy to be his mascot all the time, whenever he needs me.
Avi the Angel takes care of his baby.
“Babe…” he murmurs, gazing up at me. “I want you to know that he
never actually… I mean, he did things to me, but he didn’t…”
“My love,” I whisper, holding his face. “It doesn’t matter.”
“No, I know. But I want you to know,” he sighs, tiredly, like even talking
about this stuff for a few minutes takes the wind out of his sails. “You were
my first, Aviel. I promise.”
“I know that,” I tell him with absolute certainty. “You giving me your
virginity was the best night of my life.”
He grins, puffing out a small laugh. “I just remember your face when
Bridget said what she said in the restaurant… I didn’t want you to think I was
lying to you, or hiding something.”
“I didn’t think that, gorgeous.”
He nods, chewing on his lip. “Bridget knew that I liked boys. I mean, I
never actually told her outright, but she picked up on it. That was another
reason she was so pissed off with our parents after everything. Because my
dad made a few comments I wasn’t supposed to hear when they were
fighting, about the abuse turning me gay…”
I roll my eyes. “Dumb bullshit.”
“I know, right?” he scoffs. But then his eyes soften. “He’s trying now,
though. I’m proud of him. To be honest, I think part of the reason why he
flipped his switch is because of you.”
 “Me?”
“Yea. I told my parents that I’m in love with you, and I think maybe that
got my dad. He likes you a lot, Avi. It’s clear, he’s always liked you. It was
part of the reason I was so frustrated by you when they got married…
Because you were this carefree art nerd, total opposite of the son he wanted
me to be, but he still liked you.”
“Your dad isn’t a bad person,” I rumble. “He’s flawed just like everyone,
and he’s made some terrible mistakes. But he doesn’t deserve to burn for
them.”
Kyran goes quiet for a moment, like he’s deep in thought, before he says,
“I just wish I hadn’t wasted so much time swallowing my truth.” He shakes
his head. “I think back on the girls I dated, even flirted with… it turned into
like this choreographed performance. And the pussy eating…”
He blinks hard and shakes his head.
I can’t even help myself. My head tips back in a laugh that has him
grinning up at me. “You ate a lot of pussy??”
“Not a lot…” He smirks. “But I definitely did it.”
“And?”
“Not for me,” he sighs.
This is blowing my mind right now.
“Oh my God, that’s why you seemed so hesitant with Frankie!” I gape at
him, and he chuckles.
“I was so hard thinking about you,” he whispers, squirming on top of me.
“I kept thinking about your hand inside your pants, secretly wishing you’d
pull your cock out and maybe, like… touch me with it.”
A hum rumbles in my chest while I gaze down at him, lust and love and
pure astonishment in my eyes. “Come here, please…”
He scoots up on me, allowing me to hold his jaw and pull his sweet,
honest mouth to mine. “What else did you think about during our stupid
threesome with my best friend?”
He laughs on my lips. “Your hand touching mine… While we both
fingered her. I imagined what it would be like if you took your fingers out
and let me suck on them.”
“Mmm… really?”
He nods. “Yea. But not to taste her vagina, obviously. I just really wanted
to suck on something of yours.”
A whine leaves my lips, and he laughs at it. “You’re killing me right now.
God, baby, I would’ve done everything to you… I wanted it so bad at that
point.”
“Yea?” He kisses along my jaw, sucking my earlobe between his lips.
“Yea… As soon as you gave me the green light, I was fucking salivating
for it.”
He chuckles while my hands sink down to hold his ass, his lips and
tongue toying with my ear. “I guess it’s a very fucking good thing that my
dad’s business went under, huh?”
“Oh yea. If it wasn’t for the fans, we might never have hooked up. Or
fallen in love…”
“Are you saying that everything we’re doing is still… for the fans?” he
whispers in my ear, and I grin.
“It’s for us,” I tell him, my heart so full of wild, cheering love for this
man… “But they got us here.”
He sighs. “Out of Friend Land…”
“And into Boyfriend Park.”
He laughs, and I kiss it while it’s happening.
Kyran and Avi, falling in love… for the fans.
 Nickystix66: Backwardz you’re the luckiest dude ever
Am_luv13: His_Baby you’re an inspiration!
A_side_of_steve: Backwardz_Avi & His_Baby return! Coming out & revealing your
relationship… You’ve made my life!

3 Months Later…

“Ooh, yea, baby. Shake that ass.”

Stuffing my face deeper into the comforter, I wiggle my hips, using
leverage on my knees to sort of twerk backward, up into the air.
“Okay… Hold on. I need to adjust my boner,” Avi rumbles, and I laugh.
“Just record the damn video!” I shout at him through my chuckles.
“I got it,” he sighs, and I flip over, aiming a glare at him that no one’s
buying. It’s too full of love. He tosses his phone onto the bed, then crawls
over me, grasping my wrists and pinning them above my head as he straddles
me. “I think this would get us even more likes…”
He rubs his dick on mine, and I’m shivering.
“Don’t be naughty.” I grin up at him. He pouts. “I think we gave the Fans
a proper send-off. They’ll have to settle for the PG-13 content from now on.”
“I know, I’m just visualizing all that glorious money floating away in the
breeze,” he hums.
He leans over me, and I kiss each stone of his abs, considering his words.
Three months ago, Avi and I caved and started making content for the
OnlyFans again. As it turns out, he was able to reinstate his account since I
guess he’d only temporarily deactivated it. There was a penalty fee, but it was
chump change compared to what we went back to earning the second it was
on.
Of course, it was a little obvious that it was me in the videos, but with my
face blurred, there was still no way to prove it. We figured we could keep it
up long enough to save some more money, and then delete all the videos of
the two of us, and he could keep it as a solo account.
And so that’s what we did. Two weeks ago, we let everyone know it was
going back to a solo account for Avi, and that the mysterious
Not_Your_Baby wouldn’t be featured in videos anymore.
But here’s the kicker. Since the first time we disabled the account, people
have been clamoring for us. And not just for the sexy times… They’ve
wanted to see us together as a couple. So we started making content on
Instagram, reels and stuff like that, just of us goofing around, being silly and
stupid and in love. And we’ve been getting paid for it.
Kyran and Avi, the social media couple, break millions of views on damn
near every video. It allows Avi to focus on his art, which is now his full-time
job, and me to focus on the huge, life-changing event I’m about to start this
summer…
The NFL.
That’s right… Your boy was drafted last week. Two months from now,
I’ll be in training camp as a second-string quarterback for the Philadelphia
Eagles.
From one Eagles to the next… Is that the coincidence of a lifetime or
what??
The whole thing still feels like a dream. I remember getting the call, and
feeling like I was going to collapse. Third-round draft pick. I was prepared to
go anywhere that would have me, but the word was it would come down to
either Philly or New York.
Philly won.
Avi is freaking thrilled, despite the fact that I’m not going to New York.
He would’ve loved to move back to New York, but then Philly will be just as
cool. It’s like a New York-y Boston anyway, so we’re really excited about it.
We’ll be traveling a ton, but he doesn’t mind that either. And I’m just
excited to have him coming along on this journey with me, cheering me on
and supporting me as he does. Because he’s my sidekick, my partner, my
mascot… My sweet, strawberry-flavored angel.
We’re finalizing paperwork on a townhouse on Federal Hill next week,
and Avi already has a whole list of things planned for us to do when we get to
Philly.
It’ll be tough for him to leave Hannah. We even offered to bring her with
us, but she likes her job in Boston, and already found herself a nice place in
Cambridge, so she’s happy to stay. As much as I know Avi’s going to miss
her, he insists that it’s time for him to spread his eagle wings a little. So damn
cute.
They’ll always be best friends, but we’re going on this adventure
together. Just the two of us. Well, us… and the fans.
“Don’t worry, angel,” I hum, licking up his chest while he shivers. “Your
NFL quarterback boyfriend will bring home the bacon for you.”
“I fully intend on becoming a football wife,” he teases, and I cackle,
trying to buck him off of me. But he’s still pinning me down with his weight.
We’re too busy horsing around, we don’t even hear the footsteps.
“Guys, I’m going to—Oh my God! I’m so sorry!”
My eyes fling to the doorway as my dad is covering his eyes with his
hand, diving away from the room like it’s about to blow.
Avi bursts into hysterical laughter, and I just shake my head, scoldingly.
“Get the hell off me! Look what you’ve done… You horrified my father.”
Avi slumps off of me in the bed while I rush to get up and put on pants.
“Relax. I’m pretty sure he already heard us fucking the other night. You
wouldn’t stop screaming my name…”
I glare at him. “That is false. I was not screaming…”
“Uh, why do you think I stuffed my underwear in your mouth?” he
sneers.
“Because you’re a filthy pervert.” I give him a look, to which he shrugs.
“Guilty.”
“Come on.” I grab him by the arm, yanking him out of bed. “Please come
with me to apologize to him so he doesn’t think we were just fucking with the
door wide open.”
Avi sighs and lets me yank him along, out of our bedroom and down the
stairs.
We’ve been living at the house in Somerville with my dad for the past
three months, and yes, it’s been a little awkward at times. But really, I
thought it was the best option for me and him to spend more time together
and focus on repairing our relationship.
When I returned to school, I chose not to move back into the dorms,
mainly because I can’t stand being away from Avi for more than a few hours
at a time. I definitely miss living with Guty, but moving into Avi and
Hannah’s place in Brighton while we looked for our own place just made
more sense.
 But then the more I thought about it, the more I started to feel bad about
my dad being all alone in that big house while going through a divorce. So I
decided to move back to Somerville to keep him company.
It’s crazy. After all I did to avoid living in this house, and now I’m back
here willingly. And I brought Avi along for the ride.
I’m still amazed that my dad went for it. I know he’s been trying to be as
supportive as possible, but I kind of expected him to freak out at the idea of
his son sharing a bed with a guy right up the hall from him. I guess because
it’s Avi, it made things a little easier for him to wrap his head around.
It’s just like when we lived here before college. Only now, instead of
fighting, we’re fucking, and instead of hating, we’re loving, real hard. And
sharing a bedroom… Avi’s old room, because it’s the farthest from my dad’s.
We were actually about to sign a lease for a place in Davis Square when I
got drafted. Now we’ve only got about a month left living at home before it’s
off to Philly. And the weirdest part is that I’m actually going to miss my dad
—something I never thought I’d say. We’ve really bonded over the last three
months, and it’s the best feeling in the world to have a real father.
Though I’m not so sure he’ll be missing us as much, judging by the way
he’s storming around the kitchen all flustered, refusing to look either of us in
the eye.
“Dad…” I grin to myself at how clearly uncomfortable he is.
“I was just, uh… going to tell you that I’m running to the store,” he says,
picking up and putting down the same piece of mail over and over. “If you
guys need anything…”
“Dad, we weren’t doing anything,” I tell him sincerely.
“Yea, we were just playing around,” Avi adds.
My dad holds up his hand. “It’s fine… I don’t need to know. It’s my fault,
I should have… knocked.”
“The door was open.” I chuckle.
“I’m fine. Really.” He shoots us a quick, strained smile. “Just let me
know if there’s anything you need at the store.”
“Condoms and lube.” Avi smirks.
“Avi!” I bark, and he laughs.
“I’m just kidding…” he sighs. “We don’t use condoms.”
“Oh my God, I’m gonna staple your lips shut!” I growl.
“Alright, boys. That’s enough,” my dad scolds, grinning in amusement.
And I know why. This feels very similar to when we were stepbrothers.
 “I left a list on the counter.” I run my fingers through my hair.
My father nods, picking up the list and looking it over. His forehead lines
in concern. “This is all junk food…” He glares at Avi. “What grown man eats
Pop Tarts??”
“That would be my boyfriend…” I sigh. “He eats like a pregnant seven-
year-old.”
“Ew, babe.” Avi scrunches his face at me. “Weird.”
“I’m just saying, you don’t even smoke anymore, but you still act like
you have the munchies twenty-four-seven.” I shoot him a look.
“When you get older, all that crap will come back to haunt you.” My dad
joins in, his eyes flicking to Avi’s shirtless torso. “Say goodbye to those
muscles.”
“No need to worry about that, Papa Dukes.” He grins. “This xylophone
ain’t goin nowhere.” He mimics playing a xylophone on his abs, and we both
roll our eyes.
“Whatever you say,” my dad mumbles, shaking his head as he leaves the
house to go to the store.
“You’re a fool and a half.” I grin at Avi as he sticks his leg out to poke
me in the shin with his toes.
“He’s gone… Wanna play see how many times we can make each other
come in the shower?”
“Mmm… my favorite game,” I hum, sidling up to him and grinding
myself on his big, deliciously muscular body.
We give him a lot of crap about what he eats, but Avi does enjoy working
out. We started doing it together, and he can almost keep up with me. I said
almost.
The sound of my phone ringing upstairs catches my ear. “Ooh, babe, I’m
waiting for an important call.”
“Alright. Hop on.” He spins around, and I grin, jumping onto his back so
he can piggyback me upstairs.
We’re both breathlessly laughing as I answer my phone. It’s my
accountant. And only a brief chat later, I’m freaking giddy.
“What’s up, superstar?” Avi asks.
“It’s all set!” I dance around in place.
“Which thing… the townhouse or the money?”
“The money!” I beam, and he mirrors my look of zeal.
“Baby! That’s so exciting.” Grabbing my waist, he hugs me tight while
we both shimmy around together.
A month ago, I officially decided to donate my settlement money to a few
special charities. I’ve never wanted to spend a dime of that money on myself,
but it was stupid to have it just sitting there collecting dust. So I picked my
top three charities, and made arrangements with my accountant to split it in
thirds and make three donations.
One to RAINN, because they were so helpful to me when I was looking
to talk to someone about my abuse, one to the Trevor Project, because they
do wonderful things for LGBTQ+ youths, and one to the It Gets Better
Project…
Because it does. Get better. I’m living proof of that.
All of these charities are special and important to our community, and to
survivors of abuse, and it thrills me to be able to give this money to people
who need it; to people who are out there providing support, so hopefully, no
one has to feel as scared and alone as I once did.
“It’s such a weight off my shoulders,” I murmur while Avi kisses my
neck over and over. “It’s like I’m closing a door that’s been left open for so
long…”
“I’m proud of you, baby,” he croons. “You’re such a strong, beautiful
human.”
I chuckle. “I love you.”
“I love you more.” He lifts his head to lock our eyes. “And the offer still
stands, by the way…” My lips quirk. “Any time you wanna go piss on that
asshole’s grave, I’m down.”
Grasping his face, I kiss him hard while he giggles into my mouth.
I know he’s just teasing because he knows it makes me feel better. Or
maybe he’s serious, who knows.
In fact, I’m sure he is.
If I told Avi I wanted to piss on the grave of the asshole who abused me,
he wouldn’t even hesitate. He’d just hand me a jug of water and say, “Fill the
tank, baby.”
Because that’s who he is. He’s my support system, my lifeline.
My stepbrother I hated, turned porn co-star, turned friend, turned
absolutely ridiculous, sexy, perfect love of my life.
He’s my savior, my first and my only.
From eagle wings to angel wings… he’s my Avi.
Dancing on the field of my heart.
 Backwardz_Avi: My man is SLAYING. Welcome to Philly, baby! #FlyEaglesFly
MissBea21: So proud of you both<3
Zeb_for_Kween: Backwardz_Avi, OF friends & family discount! Hook a sister up!
The.Theo.Reeves: Not that I’m jealous… but stoppit
Sammy_Gutz: Yo Backwardz, show us the Eagle moves!
Frankie_Says_Relax: Backwardz_Avi I told you His_Baby wanted to kiss you ;)

6 Months Later…

Today is a very special occasion.

I’ve been planning and scheming for months, preparing to make this a
night to remember. So far, everything is in place.
We just need one final ingredient…
The birthday boy.
It’s Kyran’s birthday, and I’ve managed to set up the best surprise party
ever for him. After all, you only turn twenty once, and my boyfriend also
happens to be playing for the NFL on his twentieth birthday. Not many
people can say that.
We’ve been living in Philly for almost five months, though it feels like
it’s been five days. The time is flying by because every day is crazy, but
honestly… I love it.
Philadelphia is a great little city. It reminds me of Boston in a way.
Nowhere near as big or loud or chaotic as New York, but still with plenty to
do. And tons of real-ass mofos.
The NFL has kept Kyran super busy. He was fortunate enough to be
drafted for training camp, so he was able to spend tons of time with his team,
getting to know everyone and learning the ins and outs of the NFL.
His coach is… well, let’s just say he’s a widely known hard-ass. He’s a
loud, pushy Italian guy from New York who brought the Eagles to the Super
Bowl last season with his no-nonsense attitude and aggressive coaching style.
 The first-string quarterback has been with them for a few years, and he’s
one of the best in the league. An up-and-comer, just like Kyran. Ky’s not
expecting much on-field time during the regular season, but he’s just excited
to be here.
Unfortunately, I’m not sure the Eagles QB feels the same way…
It’s your standard jealousy. Feeling like the new, younger, hot commodity
is going to replace you. Of course, Kyran has no intention of stepping on
anyone’s toes. He’s way too sweet and respectful for that. But I guess the
dude doesn’t care much, because he already sort of has it in for Ky.
Still, it’s nothing my man can’t handle. He’s the most badass person I’ve
ever met, and he’d never let a little rivalry run him off course. It just means
he’ll be working extra hard to prove himself this season, which in turn, means
we might not get to spend as much time together as we’re used to.
When we became an official couple nine months ago, we were all over
each other twenty-four-seven, and it was… what’s the word? Oh, right.
Fucktastic.
Seriously, it was nothing but nonstop sex and talking, dates and
adventures, laughing and enjoying every second of one another to the point
that our friends started calling us Kyvi. Attached at the hip. Or maybe
somewhere more salacious. Wink wink.
Things didn’t change right away when we moved. In fact, despite how
rigorous the training schedule was over the summer, we still managed to find
time to do all kinds of fun things. We decorated the townhouse together,
explored Philly… We even took a week-long road trip across the country to
see all kinds of sights and make new memories for our palm lines.
It was an absolute blast, but as soon as the pre-season started, our time
together began to dwindle. I can’t be mad about it, though. I knew what to
expect when Kyran was drafted. He made a choice, and even though he
didn’t have to, he made me a part of the decision.
It was either stay in school, or quit to follow his dream. Seems like a no-
brainer, but there are obvious risks to the latter. The percentage of football
players drafted to the NFL who actually end up with contracts isn’t very high,
and being a free agent is like living in a constant state of stress. If you end up
not performing, you could be tossed out with nothing to fall back on. Not to
mention, Bridget was totally right when she was talking about the injury
statistics in the NFL. It’s staggering to the point of almost downright
irresponsible.
 But after hours of talking it over in bed, we came to the conclusion that
he’d be crazy not to chase his dream. Graduating with a business degree
doesn’t guarantee you a good job either. Really, nothing does.
There are no guarantees in this life. It’s about how hard you’re willing to
work, how much of your mental sanity you’re willing to sacrifice, and how
determined you are to make it to the top. And Kyran Harbor is by far the
most determined motherfucker I’ve ever met. If anyone can do this, it’s him.
Suffice it to say, the stress and lack of time together is worth it for him
pursuing the dream he’s had since he was a little boy.
The team’s publicist had a few concerns regarding the fact that Kyran is a
bit of an internet celebrity, what with our relationship content constantly
going viral. But they ultimately decided it was good publicity… I think
because they’re always looking for diversity, and having an openly gay
quarterback might make them look good. Or they’re desperately trying not to
seem homophobic.
Either way, we were given the green light to keep doing what we’re
doing, as long as Kyran doesn’t appear in anymore videos for the Fans… Not
that they could prove it was even him to begin with, though everyone knows
it was. But we don’t really care, and we wouldn’t have stopped being openly
in love if they’d had a problem with it, anyway.
No one gets to tell us to tone down our rainbows. We’re broadcasting that
shit, whether you like it or not.
We’ve got millions of followers on social media at this point, between
Instagram, Twitter, and our cute little joint TikTok account we made, though
I personally find that app to be the most ridiculous thing ever. But it’s all in
fun. We like to kiss and cuddle and tease each other in videos, and
apparently, our fans like watching it. So yay us.
I still make solo content on my OnlyFans, and between that and the
Patreon I started for my art, I’m bringing in enough income to finance my art
career. I have a website where I sell my stuff, originals and prints. I was even
approached by a local business to do another mural.
Yes, things are going great for us, but I do miss my man. We haven’t
gone to town on each other, so to speak, in two days because Kyran’s been so
exhausted from traveling and the excessive training. It’s worth it, though…
His body is absolutely bangin’. Although it does make the whole no sex thing
that much more difficult when his muscles are like a scrumptious dessert I
want to spend hours licking.
 But this plan I have set up should hopefully rectify the situation. He has
the night off after day practice, so I’ve arranged this entire elaborate surprise
party for him. We’ll celebrate his birthday, give him a chance to finally let
loose a little, and by the end of the evening, I’ll have his legs in the air.
Who knows… maybe we’ll even manage to sneak off for a quick
rendezvous in the bathroom while the party is still happening. Because let’s
be real here, I’m not sure I can wait until everyone leaves.
Partygoers are arriving, trickling in slowly, but it’s fine. Ky’s out for an
early dinner with his parents, who came down just for the day to see him on
his birthday. Also part of the plan to keep him out of the house while I get
everything set up.
The food has been catered by Kyran’s favorite local Japanese place… We
have an entire sushi bar set up with guys actually rolling sushi here in our
house, along with a chef preparing appetizers and entrees in our massive,
opulent kitchen.
I have a bar set up with a mixologist mixing fancy cocktails, and to top it
all off, I had a custom donut cake made specially by Federal Donuts, the best
damn donut shop in the entire world.
I’m telling you. These things are so good, even Kyran splurges to have
one every Sunday.
The party is all set to go off without a hitch, and now I’m just waiting for
the text from Tom to let me know when Kyran is on his way back home so
we can all hide.
I’m so excited I’m freaking giddy. I can’t wait to see the look on his face.
“You really outdid yourself, bae,” Frankie says, sliding over and
wrapping her arms around my waist. “Kyran is gonna flip his lid.”
Smiling down at her, I hug her into my side, pressing a kiss in her newly
teal hair. “I’m so glad you could make it.”
“Are you kidding??” Bea squeals as she stomps over in some super sexy
knee-high boots that almost put her tiny self eye-level with the rest of our
chins, tugging Theo along by the hand. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
I grin at her and Theo. I don’t think they’re officially a couple, because
my good friend Bea doesn’t really consider herself the relationship type. That
said, they spend an awful lot of time together. I’m not sure what’s going on
with them, but I guess we’ll have to wait and find out.
“I can’t wait to see my boy.” Theo grins. “You’ve been hogging him for
way too long.”
 I gasp. “Excuse me… what Kyran and I do in the privacy of our own
bedroom is our business.”
Frankie cackles while Theo shoots me a horrified look.
“What did you get Kyran for his birthday?” Micah asks, trotting over with
Zeb, both of them double-fisting elaborate cocktails.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess a riding crop with matching ball-
gag.” Zeb smirks. “You know they like it freaky.”
“Oh, please,” Frankie scoffs. “Those two couldn’t handle it.” I frown at
her, and she sneers, “But if you ever want me to give you a tutorial in proper
orgasm denial, just say the word. I’m sure it’d be useful for your boy.”
“Okay, that’s too much information,” Theo grumbles, sipping his drink.
“And how would you know, anyway?” He squints at Frankie.
“Let’s just say, I was meat in the sandwich of the two of them before
Kyran realized he was a vegetarian.” She beams.
Chuckling, I roll my eyes. “Yes, bae, you got us together. Thank you so
much, we’re all very grateful.” Turning to Micah and Zeb, I snatch a drink
out of Zeb’s hand and sip it while he scowls. “But to answer your question, I
did get Kyran something very special for his birthday, and I can’t wait to give
it to him.”
“You know, just putting a bow on your dick doesn’t constitute a gift,
right?” Micah smirks, and I purse my lips at him.
“Oh my God, no!” Zeb gasps. “You got him a diamond ring, didn’t you??
You’re gonna propose!” He jumps and claps excitedly.
“I get it.” Bea nods. “I’d wanna lock that down if I were you.”
“I’m not going to propose,” I scoff. “We’re too young to get married.”
My stomach starts twisting, and I feel suddenly twitchy at the thought. “Not
that I even think Kyran would say yes…”
I’m chewing on my lip, staring into my glass while Frankie chirps, “Are
you kidding?? Of course he would! That sweet little slice of pumpkin pie is
obsessed with you, and you know it.”
My lips curl, but I force myself to smother it. “You think…?”
“Why, you’re not seriously thinking of proposing, are you??” Theo asks
nervously. As if this somehow affects him.
“No,” I huff, and they all stare at me. “I’m not!”
“Good, because marriage is a total sham,” Theo grunts, then downs the
rest of his drink.
My eyebrow cocks at him, but before I can pry into what his deal might
be, the front door flings open and a loud voice booms.
“Who ordered the stripper?!” Guty hollers, and every face turns in his
direction as he laughs and claps. “No need to fret, amigos. The party is
officially here!”
The group of us are all chuckling, Theo rushing over to greet his friend
while the rest of the guests murmur amongst themselves, most likely
wondering where this exceptionally loud and eccentric presence came from.
“Hey, Backwardz.” Guty grins as he waltzes over, elbowing a grunt out
of me. “Thanks for the invite. I haven’t been to Philly in years.”
“I’m glad you could make it,” I hum, rubbing my side. Ow… He might’ve
cracked a rib. “Kyran is gonna freak when he sees you.”
“I miss my baby Nueve.” He pouts.
“He’s not your baby.” Zeb smirks at me before turning his flirty eyes on
Guty.
Guty’s head cocks, and he narrows his gaze at Zeb.
“Well, grab yourself a cocktail and some food if you want,” I cut in,
grabbing Guty by the arm and showing him where everything is. “Kyran
should be on his way home any minute. And I think we’re just waiting for…”
The door opens and we look up to see Bridget grinning and waving as she
enters the room. “Hiii!”
“It’s the Bridge!” I gasp, peeking at Micah, who shouts with me. “The
Bridge!”
We’re both laughing hysterically.
“Um… what?” Theo looks confused.
And Frankie, Zeb, and Bea all explain in unison. “Mothman.”
Hugging Bridget, we squeal at the reunion before I introduce her to our
friends.
“Okay,” I sigh with a clap. “Who wants a tour while we wait for the
birthday boy?”
“Ooh! Me!”
Bea and Zeb both shimmy around excitedly. Frankie takes Bridget and
Micah on each arm, following along, while Guty and Theo whisper to each
other about which of Kyran’s teammates from the Philly Eagles are here.
I proceed to walk the group of them around our two-floor townhouse,
showing them the set-up while they ooh and ahh. Not to brag or anything, but
this place is fucking boss. Kyran and I set it up like the ultimate bachelor pad,
only for a couple. We’ve got a home theater, our own gym, four bedrooms, a
full bath with an attached master, home office, a kitchen that would probably
even have Gordon Ramsay stuttering, and an outdoor deck with a barbecue
enclosure and a hot tub.
It’s absolutely insane. The kind of place you dream about having, and
Kyran and I have it… Two twenty-year-olds who didn’t even finish college.
God bless America.
I’m showing Micah my library of conspiracy theory books and our
memorabilia case when my phone buzzes in my pocket. It’s a text from Tom.
“Oh shit.” My heart immediately starts thudding. “Kyran’s on his way
home. He’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”
I corral them all out of the room so we can get ready while Zeb tugs on
my sleeve. “Can I please come live with you?”
I shake my head, laughing.
“Seriously, bro. This place is loco…” Guty says.
“That’s that NFL money.” Theo grins.
“And that OnlyFans money,” Zeb sings, winking at me.
“Aww, I recognize so many of these rooms from your reels!” Bea
squeals, taking my hand. “You guys are so cute together. Your posts are the
highlight of my day. I’m always like, I know them!”
I can’t help but chuckle as heat rushes to my face.
“I like the one when Kyran was hiding your junk food.” Frankie giggles.
“My favorite was his reaction to you ranting about the Hudson Valley
sightings,” Micah cackles.
“Really? I’m partial to the shower videos…” Zeb murmurs.
I glare at him, though my lips are curved into a knowing smirk. “Those
are just for the Fans.” I wink at him, and he mimics a kiss.
“Alright, everyone!” I shout, turning down the music to address the party.
“Ten-minute warning!”
Rushing off to the kitchen, I check in with the chef and the servers to
make sure they’re all set to be quiet for a few minutes for the surprise. All the
guests get into position in the living room, and my adrenaline is spiked as I
watch the front door security camera for Kyran’s car.
Only a few minutes of me freaking out later, his Mercedes SUV pulls up
along the curb. Frankie dims the lights while everyone crouches down, and
my pulse is clanking, excitement buzzing with a dash of nerves.
Hopefully, he doesn’t hate this… As long as I’ve known him, he’s never
had a surprise party before. I’m not second-guessing myself… I’m sure he’ll
be happy.
Okay, maybe I’m second-guessing myself a little…
But there’s no going back now because he’s walking up the steps and
unlocking the door.
“Baby!” I hear him shouting as soon as he’s inside, his footsteps
clomping through the foyer. “I’m telling you… I’ve had a day. I need a beer,
a bath, and that dick. Not necessarily in that order…”
I’m covering my mouth to keep the chuckles in as he rounds the corner,
and Frankie flips on the lights.
“Surprise!”
We all jump up, screaming and cheering, people blowing those
noisemakers I left everywhere.
Kyran stumbles backward in shock. But I don’t even have time to swoon
over the flush in his cheeks from what he unwittingly just said in front of
forty guests plus an entire restaurant staff…
Because I’m gasping in horror and rushing over to him.
“Kyran! What happened to your face?!”
He has a nasty black eye. His left eye is surrounded by black and blue,
and now I feel awful because all these people are staring at him like this.
“Aww… angel,” he sighs, grinning and running his hands up my chest
while I’m fussing over his eye. “You did this for me??”
“Yea, yea… But what happened to you?” I whimper.
He ignores me, smiling excitedly as he kisses my lips, then looks over my
shoulder. “This is amazing, you guys! I had no idea… You scared the shit out
of me.”
Everyone laughs, and Kyran grabs me by the hand. Someone turns the
music back on, and the party resumes, but I’m still focused on the state of his
eye.
“Baby brother!” Bridget shrieks, hugging him, though Kyran doesn’t let
go of my hand. “Happy birthday!”
“Brooklyn Bridge!” He beams at her. “I can’t believe you came all the
way from Cali!”
“Well, Avi sent a private plane for me on the Eagles’s dime.” She smirks.
His face drops, and she laughs out loud. “I’m just kidding, Ky jelly!”
He breathes out a relieved laugh, shaking his head.
“Nueve!” Guty launches himself at Kyran, hugging him hard. “I’m so
glad to see you, papi. Happy freaking birthday.”
 “Thanks for being here,” Kyran hums, peeking at me. “You got my best
friend here?! I love you so much.”
“Hey, killa,” Theo hugs him, frowning as he pulls back. “What the hell
happened to your eye?”
“You get in a bar fight or something?” Guty asks, but Kyran waves him
off.
“No, no. It’s nothing. I’m fine.” He smiles, giving hugs and cheek kisses
to all of our friends.
“Was this a hate crime??” Zeb asks, touching his face while Kyran backs
up.
“No! Guys, I’m fine. Just a little… occupational hazard.” He grins.
“So… beer, bath, and dick, huh?” Frankie smirks.
Kyran rolls his eyes, but then he clasps my jaw, kissing my mouth three
times in a row. “I love you so much for this. I’ve never had a surprise party
before…”
“I’m glad you love it,” I sigh, frowning. Lowering my voice, I ask,
“Baby, seriously. What happened?”
His smile wavers a bit as his Adam’s apple bobs. He glances left and
right, maybe to make sure none of his teammates are within earshot before he
whispers, “It was Payne.”
“Payne did this to you?!” I gasp, and he glares at me to keep it down.
“Wait, hold on… The Eagles quarterback… Jalen Payne punched you in
the face??” Theo crowds us, obviously having overheard.
Kyran scowls at me before answering, “He didn’t punch me in the face. It
was an accident.”
“How do you accidentally give someone a black eye??” Bea squeaks.
“It happens in football.” Guty shrugs.
“See? Exactly,” Kyran says calmly, though I’m not satisfied.
First the rivalry, now this?? I’m not liking this Jalen Payne character one
bit.
“We were at practice, and we were both going for the ball and he just sort
of… elbowed me in the eye,” Kyran mumbles. “It’s no big deal.”
My brows furrow as I chew on the inside of my cheek, staring at the
bruising on his beautiful face. He takes my hand and places it over his heart,
brushing my hair back with his fingers.
“Baby… I’m telling you. I’m fine.” His tone is placating. “I don’t want
you worrying.”
 “Of course I’m going to worry, Kyran,” I mutter. “Accident or not, I
wanna murder that asshole for hurting you.”
Bea, Zeb, and Frankie all go awww in the background, but I’m not paying
attention to them.
Kyran smiles. “Perfect.” He kisses my lips softly. “Gorgeous.” He kisses
me again. “Sexy.” The kisses trail down my jaw and over to my ear.
“Delicious, candy-coated sex machine.” I rumble a laugh while he licks my
ear. “Do we have to wait, or can I get my birthday dick right now?”
God, I fucking love this man.
Worry or not, it’s all worth it for him.
“How about I get you a drink, and something to eat.” My fingers graze his
lower back. “You go mingle for a bit… and I’ll meet you in the bedroom in
twenty minutes for part one of your birthday orgasm package.”
“Mmm…” he rumbles. “How many parts are there?”
“As many as your body can stand before you require an IV drip of
electrolytes.” I smirk, and he laughs.
He pulls himself off me with a satisfied sigh, hazel eyes shining with
love. That right there… that’s what I wanted to see. All the planning and
everything I put into this party…
All I needed was that one look.
Kyran makes his rounds, talking to everyone and thanking them for
coming while I get him food and a cocktail. He’s genuinely amazed and
flabbergasted by the set-up, pretty much in seventh heaven over the food
from his favorite restaurant.
A few minutes later, I sneak off to the bedroom with his birthday present.
I actually got him two things, but I want to give them to him in private. And
not because they’re sex acts. That’ll be a happy side-effect.
When I hear footsteps, I sit down on our giant bed, running my fingers
over the soft fabric of the comforter. It reminds me of all the times we spent
tangled in the sheets of my dorm room bed, showing each other with our
bodies how we felt in our hearts.
It’s hard to believe how far we’ve come in just a year. It doesn’t even feel
real. I spend all my days walking in a fog. My entire life with this man is a
dream I never want to wake from.
“Hey…” he whispers, stepping into the room, that easy grin resting on his
pillowed lips. I love how much it’s become a permanent fixture on his face.
He’s not the boy I used to know as my stepbrother. The boy who fought
with me and scowled at me, who hated me because he was hurt and scared
and angry inside. The evolution of Kyran Harbor is something I’ll always
cherish, because I got to watch it happen before my eyes. I got to see it
behind closed doors when we were together in secret. I watched him grow
into the amazing man he is today.
A man who loves me out in the open, without fear. A man who survived
something awful and still laughs and loves and gives.
A man who taught me who I truly am. Because if it wasn’t for Kyran
Harbor, I’d still be lost myself.
I owe everything to this man, and the journey we took together… For the
fans.
“Is that for me?” He trots over and takes a seat next to me on the bed,
eyeing the wrapped gift box in my hands.
I nod, handing it to him. “Happy birthday, baby.”
Kyran tears into the paper, opening the box carefully. He pulls out the
leather-bound book, peeking at me. I bite my lip.
He opens it, his eyes wide and sparkling as he reads the inside cover. It
says, For Kyran, my baby… Love, your biggest fan.
Turning the pages slowly, he looks through all the intricate stuff I put
together just for him. The book is full of pictures of us I took for the fans,
drawings I did of him, even screenshots of some of the hilarious comments
and DMs fans used to send us.
“Baby… this is incredible,” he breathes.
“This is the story of us,” I whisper, playing with his hair.
He turns his face to blink at me. “Everything we did…”
“For me and you, beautiful.” I grin, kissing him softly.
He groans into my mouth, hungrily advancing like he wants so much
more. But he stops himself, long enough to finish looking at his gift. The last
page has a picture of me getting a tattoo… and his face whips in my
direction.
I laugh, lifting my shirt over my head. Sitting right above my heart is the
ink I just got this morning. His name in script, and underneath it, it says
Always only mine.
He looks amazed as he murmurs, “Can… Can I… kiss it?”
Tugging my lip between my teeth, I give him a little nod and he drops his
lips to it, placing a soft kiss on his name. He grins up at me. “It takes like
Vaseline.”
 I laugh out loud. “That’s Aquaphor. I just got it today.”
He chuckles, closing the book and moving it off to the side. Then he
crawls over me until I recline beneath him. “I’m gonna need that orgasm
now, angel.”
“Mmm… we’ll have to make it quick. And quiet.”
“I can do one of those.” He grins, and I hum a laugh, gripping his ass.
He’s rubbing our hardening cocks together through our pants when he
peers right, frowning. “Does the damn cat always have to be on the bed when
I’m trying to get slutty?”
I snort. “How about we take this party to the bathroom? I’ll bend you
over and make you tremble…”
“Mm… sounds like a party.”

Twenty minutes later, we both come back downstairs, chafed, disheveled,

and flushed, smiling like two fools in love, which is exactly what we are.
The party is amazing, and when Kyran blows out the candles on his donut
cake, he narrows his gaze at me.
“You didn’t spit on the cake, did you?” He smirks, teasingly.
“You bet your sweet ass I did.” I wink.
The cake is being served, and we’re all sitting together in the living room,
our tight-knit little group of jocks, weirdos… family. We managed to form
this friendship, despite our differences, just like me and Kyran.
I love these people. No matter what happens in the future, distance or not,
they’ll always be my crew.
Everywhere we’re together is a party we’re making better.
“So, Avi… any interest in becoming the Eagle here in Philly?” Theo asks
with a smile.
Kyran and I peek at each other, grinning.
“The guy who took over as Baldwin after you left is so not funny,” Guty
grumbles, and I laugh. “He doesn’t even Moonwalk!”
Kyran takes my hand and kisses it. “Sorry, guys. I stole Baldwin and
brought him with me.”
Grasping his face, I press a slow kiss on his lips, humming, “I love you
forever, my baby.”
“I love you forever, backwardz angel.” He grins.
“Get a room!” Frankie hollers.
“No no…” Zeb chuckles. “They already did that.”
Kyran smiles at me, biting his lip. “For the fans?”
My forehead drops to his and I whisper, “For the fans.”
For us.

The End…

If you or someone you know has suffered abuse and would like to speak with
someone, call this number:
800-656-4673
Or go to www.rainn.org/resources
LGBTQ+ resources:
The Trevor Project
Find support at www.thetrevorproject.org
It Gets Better Project
Learn more at itgetsbetter.org

You’re not alone. If you ever need to talk, I’m always available. Email me at
[email protected] or DM me on social media. Just know that you’re
beautiful and badass. You’re loved, valued, and worthy of the gifts of this
life.
That’s a wrap!
Can you totally imagine Avi calling out “cut” when they’re finished??
‘Cause I can.
So, I’m going to try not to make this too long, since the book itself was
already, like, Lord Of The Rings length. But there are things I want to talk
about with you folks, because this story, more than any of my others,
contains mass amounts of Nyla K.
It is literally for the fans, and if you’re a regular reader of mine, I want
you to know how special this book is to my life, and how awesome I think
you are for reading and enjoying it. And if this is your first book by me, well,
I hope Kyran and Avi sucked you in (giggity) to the world of Nyla K!
Since we’re talking about me, let’s start there. This book ties into my
actual life in a lot of ways. Firstly, the setting. Boston, Massachusetts. It’s
where I’m from!
‘Cause I love that dirty water… bow bow. Boston, you’re my home!
I was actually singing that by the way.
Born and raised in central Mass, I went to school in Beantown, and I
actually lived in Malden my freshman year of college. So all that Malden
stuff from Chapter One is fresh outta the Nyla K biography. Our place was
right by the Orange Line, and Rosemary was, in fact, our crazy landlord who
would mow the lawn in her funny straw hat. Hilarious. My best friend/former
roommate will die when he reads that part. The same goes for all the
Somerville references. Some good times spent in that area, man!
Also, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I apparently can’t get through a book
without mentioning Brooklyn, or my love for New York City—Avi’s
hometown, and the city that changed my life. Boston is my home, but New
York, Brooklyn in particular, will always have my heart.
Other Nyla K Easter eggs… Mercedes! It’s briefly mentioned that Avi’s
mom, Hannah, works at a Mercedes dealership in Boston. That was my job
for fourteen years before I left to become a full-time author. And because of
that, I have immense loyalty to the brand. But it’s justified, because Benzes
are the best lol. And Kyran loves his rental so much, he ends up getting one
of his own when they move to Philly.
I loved throwing in references to the Middle East, as my family is Syrian,
and I had one of the most amazing experiences staying there, and visiting
Lebanon.
The Mendon Drive-In… Oh, I love it so much. Kyran expressing his
memories of snuggling up in the car at the drive-in is an actual piece of my
childhood I worked into the story. Just like the movies! The conversation
between Ky and Avi about their top five was very important to me… One,
because I feel like our favorite movies say a lot about us as people—just like
our taste in music does. And two, because Ky and Avi’s favorite movies are
literally my favorite movies. I mean, Avi’s top five is my actual top five.
Rounding out the Nyla K Easter eggs for now, though, I have to mention
one very special little Burmese fluff ball… named Robin.
My loyal readers/followers know that Robin is my real-life cat. And I
can’t lie… She’s my everything. Recently, my poor little baby has been
experiencing some health issues. She had surgery a few months back, and it
was a really tough time for us. She came out of it feeling great, but the
unfortunate truth I barely even want to admit is that I know she won’t be with
us forever.
Putting Robin in the book is my way of changing that. Now she’ll be
immortalized forever, as Avi’s sweet little sidekick, just like she’s been for
me. Any time I need to vent, or when I’m anxious or upset, she’s always
there to cuddle and make me feel better with her cute little meows and the
silly things she does. So I made her that presence for Aviel, too. Honestly,
when I wrote the line, “I’m gonna call her Robin,” I was squealing and
tearing up. And of course, she just stared at me like, “What are you freaking
out about this time??” She’s like that.
My Robin is actually not named after Batman’s sidekick, but you know I
had to throw those Batman references in there. It just wouldn’t be a Nyla K
book without mention of Batman, aliens, cryptids, conspiracy theories, cults
or true crime. Seriously, this book is lousy with inside jokes, and if you get
any of them, you’re either a kindred spirit of mine, or you’re a true FAN.
And either way, it’s incredible.
 If you don’t get the jokes now, but someday something pops up and
you’re like, “Oh, shit. Nyla K mentioned that in her book!” then I’ve truly
done my job.
Kyran and Avi truly are two very different halves of my actual
personality. Avi is the inner Nyla. The weirdo, arty emo kid who smiles and
laughs things off, when really he feels a little insecure inside. The dreamer
who’s loyal to a fault, with corny jokes and even cornier dance moves…
Who believes in weird things and loves rock from the nineties and early two-
thousands. Fun fact, my mom, like Hannah, used to play Nirvana and Weezer
and Alice In Chains for us when I was a kid, and it became some of my
favorite music for that reason.
Avi is truly me. But then Kyran is the other half… The control-freak who
needs everything to be exactly so, otherwise the entire world feels like it’s
spinning out.
I am this way because of my own personal past; my own trauma. And no,
it’s nothing like what Kyran went through, and I thank the God I believe in
for that. Still, the stuff I’ve been through attributed to the way I am, similarly
to the way Kyran’s did, in this sense. And for that reason more than any
others, I love the progression of Kyran’s character.
The recovery he went through, between confronting his past and coming
to terms with his sexuality, finally pushing past that crippling denial and
being the real Kyran, is like the freshest of breaths. It was amazing to feel
that alongside him.
Writing about Kyran’s trauma actually felt reminiscent of Darian’s
struggles from Serpent In White. Those of you who have read that book know
what I mean… And while Avi’s rage wasn’t quite as detrimental as Drake’s
was in Serpent, I feel like the support was still there. The way Drake would
do anything for Darian, in the name of being his lifeline, especially when
they were kids, reminds me of how Avi just wants to love and support Kyran,
no matter what. That kind of meaningful connection is my favorite thing to
write for my characters.
I think it’s safe to say that as soon as Avi comes to terms with his feelings
for Kyran, he’s all in it. It’s just the way his personality works. But that
doesn’t mean it’s easy for him, especially with how much Kyran has always
hated him, how they’ve clashed over the years, and how closed of a book
Kyran’s always been… It was a tough thing to go into; falling for the enemy,
so to speak. But in true Aviel fashion, he dove into it headfirst, because he’s
just that kind of sky-high-flying beautiful unicorn man.
Obviously for Kyran, it’s all much more complicated. And that makes
sense. The whole time, Kyran is craving a real connection without even
knowing it. All the anger, the denial, the self-loathing he experiences serves
as a camouflage so deep, he barely even recognizes that it’s an act anymore.
It takes one very special goofball to start slowly peeling back his layers…
But once it happens, it’s magic.
Another big part of Kyran’s trauma recovery that we need to mention is
the stuff with his parents. Listen… I’ve written some crap parents. But
Kyran’s are really up there on the list of terrible ones. I mean, the way they
behaved is fully deplorable.
But one of the more satisfying moments in this book’s conflict resolution
was the redemption of Thomas Harbor. To be honest, him coming around and
supporting Kyran wasn’t part of the original storyline. But when I was
writing that scene, where Kyran confronts them in the restaurant… It just
happened. When Tom comes outside and hugs Kyran… I was bawling
because it was unfolding before my own eyes, totally unplanned.
The thing about Tom is that he’s always regretted the way he treated Ky.
He was never happy about their relationship. Kyran assumed it was because
his father was ashamed of him, but in reality, he was ashamed of himself, and
he just handled it completely wrong.
Writing Ky and Avi moving back in with him in the epilogue made my
heart happy. The epilogues as a whole were adorable, I was in constant tears
of joy. But that part in particular was really nice.
My favorite though? Kyran’s surprise birthday party. It’s while I was
writing it that I decided there’s no possible way I’m done with these
characters. Their story has been so meaningful to me, and writing them
falling in love was everything I needed, after all the tension, the hate and the
hard times. They’re fun and sexy and hilarious, and I just feel like I could
write them for the rest of my life.
So I think you should officially know that I will definitely be writing
more of Kyran and Avi… Something like a continuation novella, because I
think we all want to see more of their adventures now that Kyran is playing
for the NFL, right?!
Speaking of which, let’s talk sports real quick.
I love football. Like, I love it. It’s my favorite sport by far, and probably
the only sport I would ever write in romance. And being from New England,
sneaking in Patriots references was a must. I just had to do it. Brady be with
you.
All of that is to say, I’m a fan of NFL football. But in the interest of being
totally honest here… I’m a noob with college football. I’ve watched some,
and researched a bit for this book. But damn, dude… It’s crazy confusing!
There are just so many teams, all these different conferences and bowls... It
was so hard for me to follow, eventually I abandoned ship and started making
things up a little.
I’m not sure which conference plays who, or which teams play in which
bowl. I couldn’t get my brain to compute it. So basically, I chose the teams
that Kyran and the BC Eagles would play based on the names and places I
thought sounded cool. LOL. I wish I was kidding.
I knew I wanted the Eagles to play in the Rose Bowl, in California,
because that’s where Bridget lives, and they needed to go out west to meet
her. But outside of that, I literally scrolled through a list of teams and just
picked random ones. It was fun for me, but in case you’re a big college
football fan and you stop and say, wait… that would never happen. Yea,
you’re probably right.
But this is my version of reality, okay?
Here’s another fun football fact about the book…
Kyran getting drafted to the NFL was always the plan. But I couldn’t send
him to the Patriots. It was too easy. I wanted him to go either to Philly or to
New York—The Giants, obviously, since the Jets are trash lol.
I sat down to watch the Giants playing the Eagles in the playoffs and said,
“Okay. Whoever wins this game will draft Kyran Harbor.” And then the
Eagles destroyed the Giants.
So Kyran went from Eagles to Eagles… It’s kismet!
Too bad the Philly Eagles couldn’t take the Super Bowl this year. Maybe
next time, with Ky on their side ;)
Writing the football scenes in this book was a real blast, like I said,
because I’m a fan. Hopefully, even if you’re not a football fan you were able
to enjoy and visualize the games; the excitement, the lights, the noise and
extreme fandom. But mostly… our dancing eagle!
Having Avi as the mascot just made the whole thing that much better.
Cards on the table, I was very pleased with myself when I came up with the
idea. I know when I say football romance, most people expect either two
football players, or one football player and an emo kid who doesn’t care. But
no. This was Avi’s way in.
And he’s very much a born mascot; a carefree weirdo who loves to mess
around. He’s the perfect Baldwin, and who knows! Maybe he’ll find another
excuse to put on a costume and dance around for his man in the future.
Let me also just mention that if you weren’t aware… My inspiration for
Avi is a delicious morsel of a man named Alejo Pino, affectionately known
as Hot Alex in our Discord. His OnlyFans is what inspired me to write Avi,
and in-turn, Kyran and Avi’s story. You should totally check him out, and
swoon over his content with us.
Lastly, I feel like I need to mention the religious aspect to this book.
Again, if you’re a fan of mine, you know there may be trash-talking of
conforming to societal norms. My own relationship with a higher power, if
you will, is very much what Hannah describes to Avi when he’s upset and
breaking down over Kyran having left.
I sincerely hope I haven’t offended anyone or made it feel like I’m
bashing organized religion with this book. At the same time, I have to stay
genuine. Many parts of organized religion—the rituals, the traditions, the
draconian rules and regulations—feel every bit as hive-minded as described
by Kyran and Avi in the book.
But being spiritual… Truly believing in God, not as a bearded old man
sitting in the clouds judging people, but as the mystical and unknown forces
of the universe, is what true faith is all about. The fact that science can only
explain so much, and the rest is up to our wide-open minds to even attempt to
fathom is pretty incredible.
The truth is that no one really knows what the higher power actually is,
the extent of after-life or the measures of what controls the path we’re all on.
To believe otherwise is, in my opinion, narcissistic and foolish. None of us
know the answers, and having real faith in the earth, and ourselves as moving
parts, is a way to feel connected to something bigger.
Again, I hope this came across in the writing; not to judge anyone who
was raised a certain way, but to point out that despite how incredibly
different we all are, at our core, we’re all the same. Hating people based on
any external factor is ridiculous, but it’s an unfortunate part of humanity.
Religion has been dividing people since pretty much forever, and it’s really
sad. Because like I said, at the heart of it, we’re all just people, breathing the
same air on this spinning rock that could very well be a simulation, or a
figment of our imaginations… A particle in some infinite being’s snow
globe. ;-D
Okay, I’m not gonna go all Nyla K-crazy on you right now, but I’m just
saying. Sit back, open your third eye and think about it. Or don’t, whatever
you wanna do, boo.
Anywayzies, those are the Nyla tidbits for you. The explanations you
didn’t ask for. As stressful as writing this book was for me at times, it’s still
one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, mainly because it’s just so fun.
Something that, in theory, could have been similar to other tropes or stories,
but is so inherently different, because that’s how I do. I gotta.
From start to finish, I loved writing the tension, Avi’s jokes, their group
of friends and all their shenanigans. The parties, the failed threesome attempt,
the playing, the dancing, the texting, the OnlyFans recording, the social
media comments!
In case you weren’t aware, all of the comment captions at the top of each
chapter were, in fact, written by fans! They were all submitted by readers and
some author friends, and including them in the book made this all the more
real. A perfect little cherry… or should I say Twizzler, on top of the sundae
of this book.
I’ve just loved every second of being with these boys, and I hope you did
too. I hope you’re excited for more of Kyran, Avi, and the group. For more
fun, more football, more love, and even more scorching sex.
More fans. ‘Cause you know… it’s all for you.
Wowzies! Okay, I need to acknowledge and give some praise to a few people
on this bad boy.
First and foremost, I must always shout out my awesome family. I have a
tendency to become a bridge-troll when I’m on my insane, self-inflicted
deadlines, so I have to thank them for always being patient with me. For
adhering to the rules written on the chalkboard in the kitchen… Do not
disturb Nyla until after such-and-such date.
For all his bumbling craziness, Patrick really gets the pressure I’m under
—again, mostly revolving around my own neuroses—and for that, I have to
say thank you. Thank you for listening to me blather about these characters
for hours on end like they’re my real-life children. You and Robin are my
rocks, and my comforts, and for that, I’m so very grateful.
I also have to say thank you to my team of hustlers—Amber, my amazing
PA, for always encouraging me, keeping me sane, and dealing with my
incessant manic bullshit. Frances for being one of my best friends in the
world and always having my back (Yes, technically Frankie is named after
her, because she’s just that awesome). And Karie, the newest member of
Team Nyla, for stepping into my madness without missing a beat, and
helping me with things I’m physically unwilling and unable to do myself.
You guys absolutely rule, and you’re the wind beneath my wings. (Get it?)
O-Kay-Kay-Kay—my editor… You have by far the hardest job of all.
Because you have to tell me all the ways I could condense my long-ass
books, knowing damn-well I’m not actually going to do it. Some might say
you enable me… It would be me. I say that. But it’s all good, because you’re
not really an editor, and I’m not really a writer who’s going to conform to
any sort of structural guidelines. So we’re a match made in heaven. Or hell.
You’re the Frankie in this situation. Now, go attempt a threesome with
stepbrothers who won’t stop bickering because they secretly want to kiss
each other.
To Mackenzie… Nice Girl Naughty Edits CEO. You bad bad baddie.
Graphic extraordinaire and polisher of my manuscripts. I know I say this
every time, but I have no actual idea what I would do without you. You’ve
become such a pivotal member of my team, if you ever leave me, I’ll be
inconsolable. Like Avi with no weed and no Kyran. A total grumpy ass bitch.
So please, for the good of humanity, please keep being my Twizzler straw.
LOL. Is that weird?
I also need to give a massive shoutout to Ashlee O’Brien, otherwise
known as the MUTHAFUCKIN KWEEN, Ashes & Vellichor. The designer
of this unique, incredible, elaborate book cover. Dawg, it’s been two years
and I still can’t even process how talented you are. I gave you a few
haphazard paragraphs of rambling ideas and you somehow turned that into
one of the most creative covers I’ve ever seen. When this thing gets picked
up to become a Netflix movie someday, we’re keeping this cover for the
poster. Thank you for always being the visual visionary I am not.
To Stacey from Champagne Book Design for rocking the balls off this
interior formatting. You always hit it out of the damn park, but this time, you
straight up destroyed it. This thing is a literal work of art because of you.
A big thanks to Gay Romance Reviews for working on this project with
me. For helping me get this wonderful not-so-little book into the hands of
more excellent readers.
I also have to mention all the OnlyFans creators I followed in preparation
for writing this book. Not that I think they’ll ever see this, but these guys
made the tireless research semi-bearable. (Kidding, of course. I’m officially a
slut for their content. Just a porn-slut in general, but I digress.) Especially
Alejo Pino, my Avi inspiration. I’m telling you, this dude is a literal god.
Thanks Hot Alex for wearing a backwards cap and bringing my vision of
Aviel Vega to life.
Big-ups to everyone who participated in the caption comments for this
book! All the amazing readers in my group, and the awesome author friends
who played along… Andi Jaxon, JR Gray, Becca Steele, all of y’all. You
understood the fuck out of the assignment. I wish I could have included every
submission, but believe you me, I got a great deal of satisfaction out of going
through them. You guys are in the .2% of my heart. Lolz ;)
To the Fandom… This book is quite literally for you. It’s in the title. My
tribe, my weirdos, my badass, pervy little monsters. Minds open and middle
fingers up. I love you all so damn much.
And for the readers who devour and rave about everything I write like
Avi with his junk food. Who spend your precious funds supporting me, and
your precious time making amazing edits and reels, posting, sharing, pimping
and celebrating the filthy mayhem that goes on in my mind. For the all the
comments and messages and endless love and support you guys give…
Thank you.
It’s all for you. Every single thing I do… is for you.
The fans.
 Flipping Hot Fiction by Nyla K
Subscribe to my Patreon for bonus content, like The Vacation
(PUSH/Alabaster Pen, etc. Crossover), and more!
The Midnight City Series:
Andrew & Tessa’s Trilogy
(Forbidden/Age Gap, celebrity romance, suspense. Read in order)
Midnight City (TMCS #1)
Never Let Me Go (TMCS #2)
Always Yours (TMCS #3)
Alex & Noah
Seek Me (TMCS #4 – Standalone/Spin-off, Friends to lovers/Angst)
Unexpected Forbidden Romance:
PUSH (Standalone, Taboo/MMF)
PULL (Continuation novella!)
To Burn In Brutal Rapture (Standalone, Taboo/Age Gap)
Double-edged (Standalone, MMM Age Gap, Twincest – BANNED by
Amazon! Can be found on Nyla’s website, Google Play, Lulu, & Eden
Books.)
For The Fans (Standalone, MM, Stepbrothers)
Alabaster Penitentiary:
Distorted, Volume 1 (MM, prisoner/prison guard, dub-con, mindf*ck)
Joyless, Volume 2 (MMF, the guards, second chance, forbidden)
 Brainwashed, Volume 3 (MM, doctor/patient, true crime)
Fragments, Volume 4 (MM, frenemies to lovers) – Coming in 2023!
Shadowman, Volume 5 (MM) – Coming soon!
Ivory, Volume 6 (The Finale)
Twisted Tales Collection:
Serpent In White (A drug cult MMM poly retelling of The White Snake)
Standalone Novella:
Unwrap Him by Nyla K (An Age Gap, Taboo MM) – Available across all
digital retailers, and Nyla’s website!
Sign up for my Newsletter to get exclusive first looks at bonus content!
Don’t forget to share and leave a review! It means the world!
Hi, guys! I’m Nyla K… New member of the Banned Books Club! Eee!
I’m an awkward sailor-mouthed lover of all things romance, existing in the
Dirty Lew, up in Maine, with my fiancé, who you can call PB, or Patty Banga
if you’re nasty. When I’m not writing and reading sexy books, I’m rocking
out to Machine Gun Kelly and YUNGBLUD, cooking yummy food and
fussing over my kitten (and no, that’s not a euphemism). Did I mention I
have a dirtier mind than probably everyone you know?
I like to admire hot guys (don’t we all?) and book boyfriends, cake and ice
cream are my kryptonite. I can recite every word that was ever uttered on
Friends, Family Guy, and How I Met Your Mother, red Gatorade is my
lifeblood, and I love to sing, although I’ve been told I do it in a Cher voice
for some reason. I’m very passionate about the things that matter to me, and
art is probably the biggest one. If you tell me you like my books, I’ll give you
whatever you want. I consider my readers are my friends, and I welcome
anyone to find me on social media any time you want to talk books or sexy
dudes!

Get at me:
[email protected]
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Happy reading!