Shea Davis - The Fish in My Heart

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The Fish in my Heart

Shea Davis

I am incredibly fortunate to have grown up in a magical place. The ocean washes against the
rocky shores, farther inland than it should be, fitting into the gaps left over from glaciers that receded
millennia ago. That same ocean pushes moisture against the shore where it is trapped against the
Chugach mountain range, creating the wonderfully dreary weather condition called rain. This rain is as
much a piece of the landscape as the mountains or the ocean. Nestled in a perfect rain catch, snuggled
between the usually calm Prince William Sound and massive Lake Eyak, sits Cordova. My home.
When I was young, I don’t think I really understood the place I lived. I didn’t appreciate it until I
left. After leaving, I moved to a place that was the exact opposite in all ways: dry, hot, high in the
mountains, and lacking an ocean. The fact I get to go back every summer makes me feel infinitely more
fortunate.
As a freshman in highschool I went on a summer stewardship trip around Cordova. We traveled
to the interior of Alaska and explored the headwaters of the Copper River and the spawning grounds of
Alaska’s salmon and trout. While we searched these spawning grounds we marched through a field of
tall grasses to a coastal sea stack, a large piece of granite sticking out of a marsh. This sea stack had a
series of streams running through it, and we were determined to record trout fry numbers at the top.
Each of us covered ourselves in rubber rainwear and set out. Water sloshed near the edges of our boots
and waders, threatening to spill in. Slowly we reached the sea stack, ducking under alder trees and
jumping over creeks that flowed out into the meadows we crossed. Once we got to the top, we set to
work laying traps. These little fish were beautiful. They possessed iridescent scales and spots ran up their
small bodies. We learned these fish would migrate to other streams and that the salmon, because there
was a mix of trout and pink salmon, would journey to the ocean. The salmon then traveled back
upstream where they bring vital nutrients to the watershed and supply healthy food for hungry
predators. The streams that protected the fry were later revitalized by those same fry, now older and
completing the circle of life.
If we follow those fish through the streams and waterways and out into the delta, we find the
ocean and dozens of fishing boats waiting to catch them. When you're out on the sound or the flats the
world is open to you. The gray clouds cling in the freezing Pacific air and a low breeze blows through your
rain gear. Deep in the sound I can see the Collegiate Glaciers moving slower than I could comprehend.
My captain told me calmly that the fish enjoy the colder waters, so we move the boat around and cast
our net. Besides the quiet lapping of water against the hull, no other sounds can be heard, the world is
complete silence. Suddenly, it's all broken by the hum of an engine or the cry of a gull. The world comes
back into focus and I remember the job at hand. The net is hauled in. The fish come over the bow.
Seconds later they lay dying in our fish holds… What is the point of that? Such a majestic and powerful
creature brought to death so we can make money.
Later, I ask my father about it, questioning the point of fishing and why we have to kill things to
survive. I then remember when I was young and would cry over the accidental death of birds, trees, and
the small fish my family and I would catch. How are any of their deaths not equivalent to a family
member? These fish have traveled the north, survived millions of dangers and persevered, only to be
caught and eaten by rich folk in the lower 48. He told me that, “we are feeding people, and providing
people with good food.” It's important for us to fish and fish is a nutrient rich food source, but it should
be done in a sustainable way. Nothing should be exhausted to the point of commercial or environmental
extinction. We’ve come so far in sustainable fishing, but it's not enough. There are still aquatic species
dying from overfishing, bycatch, or pollution. For example the King Salmon, whose numbers have
dwindled in Prince William Sound because of open ocean trawling and pollution.
I remember standing in a river with my brother as little kids, both of us acutely underdressed for
the weather and rocking pairs of Crocs. All around us swam those same fish. Their bodies are partially
blocked from sight by the running stream. Their teeth were long and jagged, and their movements had
become slow. My brother’s hand shot down into the creek. Gripping a wriggling, slimy fish he smiles and
holds it above his head. In the air their appearance is clear. They are inhabiting rotting bodies. They have
come to the end of their life. But, nestled among the rocks, I can still see little red specks of color. Upon
closer inspection I can see that they are salmon eggs. Come Spring, they will hatch and everything will
start over again. Everything comes full circle.

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