JOE FRANKLIN AUDITION SIDE

52 EXT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT 52

Soraya walks back to the table, Joe staring at his phone.

She sits, Joe immediately puts the phone away.

JOE
So I ordered these little duck
slices on bread--they’re amazing--
you can eat duck, right? Oh, and I
went with the... what’s wrong?

SORAYA
Why would something be wrong?

JOE
Why would I not think something
would be wrong?

SORAYA
What?

JOE
What?

SORAYA
What are you ordering?

JOE
Oh, um--

SORAYA
--I think I’ll just skip the
entree, if you ordered all these
appetizers.

JOE
I only asked for two appetizers.
What’s the rush? Order as many
dishes as you like.

SORAYA
Did I just hear that right?

JOE
I’m only a cheapskate on the job,
you know. When it comes to people I
happen to like, that’s another
story.

Soraya lightly smiles, Joe takes it as a minor victory.

LATER

Joe and Soraya work their dinner plates, Soraya very slowly.

JOE (CONT’D)
I have some new material, might be
kinda funny.

SORAYA
I thought you were done being a
comedian.

JOE
Ah, I’m done being a podcast host,
but comedy? Can’t keep someone this
hilarious being the camera too
long.

SORAYA
You gonna practice your bit on me?

JOE
Ok, go along with it, will ya?

SORAYA
Let’s hear it.

JOE
I read somewhere that the full moon
has real, scientific ties to
psychological behavior. I’m no
psychologist, but based on what
I’ve seen, I believe it. I myself
have seen three different fights go
down under one full moon. Well, not
actual fights, but you could tell
they were about to fight-- everyone
was feral, one of them was even
foaming at the mouth.

SORAYA
And they turned into werewolves?

JOE
Not quite, no, not quite that
spectacular, they just sort of
cooled off without any claws coming
out. Actually kinda boring. But
that leads me to believe in the
only possible scientific
conclusion.

SORAYA
What’s that?
 3.

JOE
We evolve from apes and furry
animals, but we’ve never predicted
our evolutionary future... what if
we actually turn back to these
furries, what if... werewolves are
ahead in the human evolutionary
line, and we’ve only foreshadowed
this in classic literature.

SORAYA
I’m sorry, was that the joke?

JOE
Well. Yeah, I mean I haven’t
finished it. Needs a punchline,
maybe trim out the fat--

SORAYA
--I thought you were giving a
genuine hypothesis. I’ve heard
counter-arguments to Darwinism are
pretty hot on the market.

The two share laughs.

JOE
I guess the only thing we haven’t
evolved to is flight. Only planes
and helicopters and shit.

SORAYA
If we could fly, that would just be
disastrous.

JOE
Why do you say that?

SORAYA
Think of how crowded it’d be in the
city, all the crime, all the in-air
shootings--

JOE
--People committing fly-bys.

SORAYA
Wow. That’d be a event for the
ages.

JOE
What, the first fly-by shooting?
 4.

SORAYA
The Untold Memoirs of the First Fly-
Byer. An autobiography.

JOE
It’s an important historical text.
They’d put that book on summer
reading lists ages five through
eight, easy. The first one written
by a criminal.

SORAYA
The hundred book challenge. You
remember that?

JOE
Oh, do I remember?

SORAYA
That one, that’s like the knowledge
of a hundred books right there.

JOE
The greatest book in the future of
aviation history. No additional
reading required.

The two smile at one another, looking in each other’s eyes.

JOE (CONT’D)
See, this isn’t so bad, huh? Why
didn’t we do this before?

Soraya’s smile fades, she nods.

SORAYA
Was never the right time, I guess.

JOE
Well, I’m not disappointed.

SORAYA
Joe....

JOE
What’s up?

SORAYA
Never mind.

JOE
What is it? Really, you can tell me
anything.
 5.

SORAYA
Before we get any further... is
there anything you want to tell me?

Joe’s face goes cold. He leans back in his seat.

JOE
Like what?

SORAYA
I’m gonna ask you something. And I
want you to be perfectly honest
with me.

JOE
What is it?

SORAYA
Did you c--

WAITRESS
--How’d you like your food?

JOE
Oh, hated it!

Joe points at his completely empty plate, he and the waitress

WAITRESS
Be right back for dessert?

JOE
Sounds good.
(to Raya)
What were you saying?

SORAYA
I can’t do this. I can’t do this.

JOE
What is it?

SORAYA
Reg? Really, Joe? “Doctor Reginald
fucking Berkowitz?”

JOE
What kind of a stupid name is that?
Is that Jewish, actually? If so,
that’s not cool, I apologize.
 6.

SORAYA
Joe! If you actually see this going
anywhere you have to stop lying.

Joe can’t look her in the eye.

SORAYA (CONT’D)
I didn’t want to believe it....

JOE
Raya, I--

SORAYA
--Why, Joe? Why ruin my shot? What,
because the world hates Joe
Franklin, I don’t deserve to make
it? Are you so alone that you feel
the need to drag everyone down with
you?
(beat)
You made me feel sorry for you, you
let me apologize for taking you for
granted, but it was you who
deceived me!
(beat)
Even when my parents, the casting
decision... all the signs pointed
to giving you a chance, I knew
something was wrong. I don’t know
whether to hate you or pity you.
Either way I’m disgusted.

Soraya gets up and storms off without another word.

Joe is alone. The waitress returns, but he tunes her out.

Joe’s pocket vibrates. He pulls out his phone, traumatized.

He reads more raunchy texts from Jessica, contemplating.

53 EXT. FRANKLIN HOUSE - NIGHT 53

Joe parks the car in his driveway. He sees Jessica, waiting

Joe gets out of the car with an anxious sigh, and walks up.