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Play Script (Land of

Lost Stories)
Kevin Nalty

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! Free Middleschool Play Script (Land of

Lost Stories)
1. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 1 The Land of Lost
Stories A Phillips’ Mill Production FINAL STAGE SCRIPT
Jo/Kevin July 26, 2015
2. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 2 By Kevin Nalty Plot
Summary Distracted by technology and pop culture,
children today are beginning to forget the most
timeless story characters. When the stories of these
classic characters are no longer told, they are discarded
to the “Land of Lost Stories.” For the first time, these
beloved characters meet and interact with each other,
and some bottle while others bond. There is hope for
returning to the “hearts and minds” of children, as long
as the characters can overcome their weaknesses, face
their fears, and help each other. But now, the island’s
evil captors threaten to drag all the beloved characters
to the island’s hills, where they will be forgotten
entirely. Set A vibrant but lost island with a portal that
sends characters sliding in. And a door that is locked
tight and only opens when characters are prepared to
return home.
3. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 3 Cast (in order of
appearance) Mother Goose ............................... Kiki
Graham Aspen ...................................... Jada Reichwein
Bree ....................................... Maeve Shi!ler Aspen
(teen) ............................... Katie Nalty Bree (teen)
................................ Reganne Gonz Tinkerbell
................................. Lea Jensen Jack (Jack & Beanstalk)
..................... Michael Brennan Red (Little Red Riding
Hood) ................ Jada Reichwein Dorothy
.................................... Shea Robinson Glinda
..................................... Chloe Lentchner Humpty
..................................... Steve Oles Flat Stanley
.............................. Liam Oles Fozzie Bear
................................ Julian Lentchner Harold (Harold &
Crayon) .................... Charlie Nalty Waldorf
.................................... Grant Nalty Statler
.................................... Durham Koller Pinocchio
................................ Sean Oles Princess Andapee
(Princess & the Pea) ....... Emma Salerno Prince
Charming............................. Sean O’Connor Goldilocks
................................. Maeve Shi!ler Mermaid
.................................... Sarah Volm Little Bo
Peep.............................. Abby Salerno Peter Pan
.................................. Drew Shi!ler Pinocchio
.................................. Sean Oles
4. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 4 CAST
ALPHABETICAL ORDER 1. Michael Brennan, Jack & The
Beanstalk 2. Kiki Graham, Mother Goose 3. Reganne
Gonz, Bree teen 4. Lean Jensen, Tinkerbell 5. Durham
Koller, Statler 6. Chloe Lentchner, Glinda 7. Julian
Lentchner, Fozzie Bear 8. Charlie Nalty, Harold & Crayon
9. Grant Nalty, Waldorf 10. Katie Nalty, Aspen teen 11.
Sean O’Connor, Prince Charming 12. Steve Oles,
Humpty Dumpty 13. Liam Oles, Flat Stanley 14. Sean
Oles, Pinocchio 15. Jada Reichwein, Red Riding Hood,
Abby 16. Shea Robinson, Dorothy 17. Emma Salerno,
Princess Andapee 18. Abby Salerno, Little Bo Peep 19.
Drew Schi!ler, Peter Pan 20. Maeve Shi!ler, Goldilocks,
Bree 21. Sarah Volm, Mermaid PROP LIST Red: basket
(with light inside) Two small beds & sheets/pillows
Backpacks for teens Jack: box, keys, gold coins Stanley:
blanket Harold: large crayon Fozzy: horn Humpty:
boom box, yellow ball, eggs Bopeep: Sta! Andapee:
crown
5. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 5 TABLE OF
CONTENTS Scene 1: Story Time at
Grandmas...........................................................................
.............................................................6 S1: God Bless the
Moon (Mother
Goose)........................................................Error!Bookmar
knot defined. Scene 2: Eleven Years Later
............................................................................................
.......................................................6 Scene 3: Welcome to
the
Island..................................................................................
..........................................................7 S2: I KnowThings
Now (Red)
instrumental.......................................................................
..........................................8 S3: Watch Me Whip
(LittleGuys).........................................................................
............................................................9 Scene 4: Not
Kansas................................................................................
................................................................................10 S4:
No One is Alone, Into Woods (Dorothy &
Glinda)................................................................................
...........11 S5: Happiest home in these Hills
(Waldorf/Statler)................................................................
.............................13 Scene 5: Prince and Princess
............................................................................................
..................................................13 S6: Call Me a Princess
(Princess
Andapee)............................................................................
.....................................15 Scene 6: Stressed
Girls.....................................................................................
......................................................................15 S7:
Stressed Out (Goldilocks, red, bopeep,
mermaid)............................................................................
................17 Scene 7: Town Hall Meeting (ALL
CAST)..................................................................................
.....................................17 S8: Forget You
(Waldorf/Statler)................................................................
................................................................18 Scene 8:
Change Your
Story....................................................................................
.............................................................19 S9: Change Your
Story (Peter Pan, with goldilock, Charming and
Pinnocchio) instrumental..............20 Scene 9: Home or
Not......................................................................................
.......................................................................21 S10:
Imagine (Dorothy&
Glinda)................................................................................
..................................................22 Scene 10: What Little
People Can Do
............................................................................................
..................................22 S11: Little People (Glinda,
Bopeep, Mermaid, Dorothy with Stanley, HUMPTY,
Fozzie, Harold)........23 Scene 11: In Our Own
Bubbles...............................................................................
............................................................24 S12: Outside
Looking In (Andapee/Glinda,
Bopeep)..............................................................................
................25 Scene 12: Pinocchio and
Tinkerbell...........................................................................
......................................................25 Scene 12.5: Little
Guys Stand
Strong.................................................................................
..............................................26 Scene 13: Discovering
Secrets................................................................................
............................................................32 S13: I Will
Remember You (Bopeep and Mermaid,
Tigger)................................................................................
33 Scene 14: And Then There Were Two
............................................................................................
................................33 S14: ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE
(Red,
Pooh)..................................................................................
...........................34 Scene 15: Back to the Cabin
............................................................................................
....................................................35 Curtain Call
............................................................................................
.....................................................................................36
S15: Don’t You forget about me (All
Cast)....................................................................................
.........................36 S16: Watch Me Whip
(CAST).................................................................................
..........................................................36
6. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 6 Scene 1: Story
Time at Grandmas (Front of curtain. A grandmother is
sitting on a rocker, reading a story to two small children
in their bed on stage le"). MOTHER GOOSE “And
sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge
and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away
beneath you,” said Pooh to Tigger. “You will suddenly
know everything there is to be known.“ ASPEN You tell
bestest stories of anyone I know, grandma. BREE Yes.
One more story, please! MOTHER GOOSE Tomorrow,
Aspen and Bree. It’s past your bedtime and there’s only
one more night until your parents return. ASPEN So our
last story this summer is tomorrow night? BREE Then it
had better be a very good one. MOTHER GOOSE It will. I
promise. It will be the second best story ever told. Yes,
the second best story ever told, my little goslings.
ASPEN What’s a gosling? MOTHER GOOSE A gosling is a
child of a goose. BREE Then you’re a mother goose!
Kids laugh as the Mother Goose tucks them in, and
lights drop. MOTHER GOOSE (sings in lullaby) Day is
done, gone the sun, From the lake, from the hills, from
the sky; All is well, safely rest, God is nigh. Lights out
and quick change Scene 2: Eleven Years Later (Front of
curtain. Bree and Aspen are teenagers. They enter from
stage right with luggage.) MOTHER GOOSE Well there
are my goslings! Hello, Bree. Hello Aspen. Look how
you two have grown. BREE Hi Mother Goose! ASPEN
7. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 7 Hey grandma.
MOTHER GOOSE Rest your bags, dear. I have some
lemonade, lemon drops, and new stories to share with
you when you get settled. BREE (Looking at phone) Oh
tonight? Well that’s nice, but... ASPEN (Laughing at text
on phone, and shows it to Bree. Then realizes Mother
Goose is standing there). Oh right. Bree and I are
meeting some friends at the mall. BREE We’ll be back
maybe at ten o’clock, but that’s past your bedtime,
right? ASPEN (Reads text). Hey, Mason is outside. We’ll
see you in the morning, okay? Scene 3: Welcome to the
Island (Curtain opens to reveal a strange island. On the
back of stage le" is a hole with a green slide poking out.
On the back of stage right is a small, closed door. Jack,
from Jack & The Beanstalk, falls down green slide onto
stage. JACK Ouch! Holy cow that hurt worse than falling
down my beanstalk. Where the heck am I? TINKERBELL
(She’s weak and leaning against something for support)
How should I know? I’ve only been here for a few hours.
Actually it has maybe been a few days. JACK I first
thought you were a talking harp. But you’re Tinkerbell,
aren’t you? Wow you’ve really let yourself go.
TINKERBELL Up your beanstalk, Jack. I can barely
stand, and this place is draining me. I can’t even
remember how I got here. JACK Well it looks like you
need some help. (She reaches for him, but he walks
away oblivious) TINKERBELL Still stealing from giants,
Jack? JACK What gave it away? TINKERBELL The gold in
your pocket. JACK Gold? I don’t have any gold. Well I
gotta split. Tell Peter Pan hi. (Jack first tries doorknob,
shaking it vigorously. Then he tries climbing back up
green slide, but he can’t. His gold
8. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 8 coins spill down
slide, and he scrambles to get them all and tuck them
back into his pockets, hoping Tinkerbell doesn’t
notice). TINKERBELL That gold! (Little Red Riding Hood
slides in, and is startled by Jack and Tinkerbell. She
jumps back and fiercely protects her basket. She eyes
them suspiciously). RED Who are you and what do you
want with me?! JACK Easy, Eloise. TINKERBELL She’s
not Eloise. She’s Pippi Longstocking. RED Hood. Red.
Riding Hood. JACK Oh I remember her. I dated her
grandmother. She’s an animal in bed. RED Back o!,
Jack. It is, Jack, isn’t it? The kid who murders lonely
giants and steals their well earned gold? TINKERBELL
Fess up, Red. What’s in the basket? JACK Looks heavy.
Can I hold it for you? RED Step back. I’m not the
innocent little girl you think. I know things now. JACK
Do you? (song starts immediately) S2: I KNOW THINGS
NOW (RED) INSTRUMENTAL Note: In the “In the Woods”
song and traditional story, Red learns a to be careful
and safe. But in this play, she took a di!erent lesson
from her experience with the wolf. She trusts nobody,
suspects people are innately bad, and keeps everyone
away (but she’ll eventually learn to see the good in
people again). Mother said, "Straight ahead," Not to
delay or be misled. I should have heeded Her advice...
But he seemed so nice. And he showed me things Many
beautiful things, That I hadn't thought to explore. They
were o! my path, So I never had dared. I had been so
careful, I never had cared. And he made me feel
excited- Well, excited and scared. When he said, "Come
in!"
9. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 9 With that sickening
grin, How could I know what was in store? Once his
teeth were bared, Though, I really got scared- Well,
excited and scared- But he drew me close And he
swallowed me down, Down a dark slimy path Where lie
secrets that I never want to know, And when everything
familiar Seemed to disappear forever, At the end of the
path Was Granny once again. So we wait in the dark
Until someone sets us free, And we're brought into the
light, And we're back at the start. And I know things
now, Many valuable things, That I hadn't known before:
Do not put your faith In a cape and a hood, They will
not protect you The way that they should. And take
extra care with strangers, Even flowers have their
dangers. And though scary is exciting, Nice is di!erent
than good. “People inside. Are full’a disgust When in
doubt, You cannot trust Keep away I’m on my own And
a little... a- lone” A"er applause, immediately into next
song S3: WATCH ME WHIP (LITTLE GUYS) The “little
guys” are looking cool as they “whip and nae nae” from
the back of the auditorium. They are Humpty, Flat
Stanley, Fozzie Bear and Harold (from Harold & The
Purple Crayon). They make their way onto stage le",
not even realizing anyone new has arrived. Now watch
me whip (Kill it!) Now watch me nae nae (Okay!) Now
watch me whip, whip Watch me nae nae (Watch me do
it) Now watch me whip (Kill it!) Now watch me nae nae
(Okay!) Now watch me whip, whip Watch me nae nae
(Can you do it?) Now watch me, ooh watch me, watch
me Ooh watch me, watch me HUMPTY (Wait until song
ends) Everyone stop! Look here, Flat Stanley. New
friends! FLAT STANLEY
10. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 10 Ahhhhh!
(Stanley is scared. He screams and runs to stage right
while holding his hands up in the air like the Flat
Stanley cutout) TINKERBELL Jack- these are the Littles
JACK It’s a pleasure to meet you little guys. Do you
know how I can get through that door or up that slide?
I’d like to get as far away from you as humanly
possible? STANLEY Sorry. You can’t get out. Only in.
TINKERBELL Stanley is right. Nobody has ever le".
HAROLD People don’t tell “Jack and the Beanstalk”
stories anymore. So you’ve been forgotten and tossed
here. JACK That’s insane. You’re insane. FOZZIE We’ve
all been forgotten. The Muppets used to be big. But the
franchise has been on a steady decline since the 1980s.
JACK Okay he’s Harold and the crayon. That must be
Humpty Dumpty. You’re clearly Flat Stanley. So who are
you? Yogi Bear? FOZZIE Close. Fozzie bear. I’m not from
Jellystone I’m from California. HAROLD What part?
FOZZIE All of me. Wocka, wocka? Scene 4: Not Kansas
(Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz tumbles down green
slide) DOROTHY Okay this definitely isn’t Kansas either.
Oh, nooooo. (She looks around the empty island and is
terrified). (Glinda flips down slide. Looks flustered.
Wipes dress. Sees Dorothy and snaps into cheerful
disposition). GLINDA Well, Dorothy Gale, you are a sight
for sore eyes! DOROTHY Oh, Glinda. Thank goodness.
What is this place?
11. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 11 GLINDA I don’t
know. I’m not even sure how we got here. DOROTHY I
don’t see any flying monkeys. But look way over there
(points past audience). Is that a bear or a tiger? GLINDA
Oh Dorothy, you look terrified. DOROTHY I am, Glinda.
I’m scared. I want my Auntie Emm. S4: NO ONE IS
ALONE, INTO WOODS (DOROTHY & GLINDA) Glinda:
Aunt Emm cannot guide you. Now you're on your own.
Only me beside you. Still, you're not alone. No one is
alone. Truly. No one is alone. DIALOGUE from 40
seconds to 48 Glinda: Mother isn't here now Dorothy:
Wrong things, right things Glinda: Who knows what
she'd say? Dorothy: Who can say what's true? Glinda:
Nothings quite so clear now. Dorothy: Do things, fight
things, Glinda: Feel you've lost your way? Dorothy: You
decide, but Both: You are not alone Glinda: Believe me,
No one is alone Dorothy: No one is alone. Believe me.
Glinda: Truly Both: You move just a finger, Say the
slightest word, Somethings bound to linger Be heard
Dorothy: No one acts alone. Careful. No one is alone.
Both: People make mistakes. Dorothy: Fathers, Glinda:
Mothers, Both: People make mistakes, Holding to their
own, Thinking they're alone. Glinda: Honor their
mistakes Glinda: Everybody makes Dorothy: Fight for
their mistakes Both: One another's terrible mistakes.
Witches can be right, Giants can be good. You decide
what's right you decide what's good Glinda: Just
remember: Dorothy: [Echo] Just remember: Both:
Someone is on your side Jack, Dorothy: OUR side Both:
Our side-- Someone else is not While we're seeing our
side Jack, Dorothy:
12. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 12 Our side.. Both
Our side-- Both: Maybe we forgot: they are not alone.
No one is alone. Glinda: Hard to see the light now.
Dorothy: Just don't let it go Both: Things will come out
right now. We can make it so. Someone is on your side
No one is alone. No change to lights a"er song! (Jack,
Tinkerbell and Little Guys enter). GLINDA Oh hello,
sweet little children. (Startled by HUMPTY, Dorothy
screams). FLAT STANLEY (When he hears Dorothy
scream, he screams and runs with his arms flailing)
GLINDA It’s all right dear. We’re not going to hurt you.
HUMPTY Say, I know you guys. You’re Glinda the Good
Witch and you’re Dorothy. You were in Wizard of Oz.
FOZZIE (To Stanley) Come back over here, Stanley.
Dorothy won’t hurt you. She’s one of the best actresses
from Wizard of Oz. DOROTHY What? FOZZIE She
brought the house down. Wocka wocka. HAROLD You
know, I auditioned to be a munchkin on the Wizard of
Oz. DOROTHY I don’t remember seeing you. FOZZIE He
didn’t get the part. But he did make the short list.
Wocka wocka. (Waldorf and Statler enter from stage
le"... ominous music) STATLER Look at this, Waldorf.
More forgotten story characters. Wizard of Oz and some
munchkins. WALDORF But Statler, I don’t think people
forgot about Dorothy’s story. I think they decided it was
too pitiful to tell. A girl on the adventure of her lifetime
and all she wants to do is go back to a barn. DOROTHY
Why, are you a good witch or a bad witch? WALDORF
13. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 13 My little girl....
Good witches are bad witches who haven’t reached
their maximum potential. STATLER And we make
wicked witches look like Bambi and Flipper. GLINDA Oh
rubbish you have no power here. DOROTHY Why, who
are you two? S5: HAPPIEST HOME IN THESE HILLS
(WALDORF/STATLER) (During song, Flat Stanley enters
and sees villains and screams. Others can enter stage
as they’re mentioned in the song) WALDORF You all are
lost and forgotten You’ll never leave so grab a chair
STATLER Down here the air is rotten Feel free to cry cuz,
no one cares WALDORF But wait. There’s more to hear
STATLER You’ve got. Something else to fear. BOTH A
banishment deep in the hills. In the hills! WALDORF In
hills you stay forever Your stories never are told again
STATLER Who wants to borrow books When they can
download Clash of Clans WALDORF Minecra" Geometry
dash Make books Expensive trash BOTH So you’re
banished deep into the hills. In the hills... Lights out
Scene 5: Prince and Princess (Princess Andapee from
“Princess & the Pea” slides down stairs. She looks
around, and then sni!s the air). PRINCESS It smells like
a wet Chihuahua farted Camembert cheese. PRINCE
CHARMING (Slides half way down slide on stomach,
and tries desperately to stop himself or climb back up).
No, no, no, no, noooooo.
14. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 14 (Loses grip,
slides the rest of the way, flops to ground, staring up at
Princess). Have no fear, madam. It is I, Prince Charming.
And I shall protect you. PRINCESS Nice to see you,
Charming. I heard Cinderella dumped you. PRINCE
CHARMING It was a mutual agreement. Mostly. And I’ll
have you know that I’ve been, um, happily ever a"er,
kind of. (Jack walks in with Tinkerbell) PRINCESS Jack?
Get your greedy beanstalk away from me. JACK I'm not
going to steal your little jewels, Princess. I have my
own. TINKERBELL Look it’s (air quotes) “insert generic
Disney princess here.” PRINCESS Tinkerbell? You still
exist? I saw Peter Pan Live. I believe a flashlight was
playing your part. TINKERBELL You’re gonna feel that
pea really well where I stick it. PRINCE CHARMING
Ladies, ladies. Let’s just take a deep breath! (Little guys
enter stage) PRINCESS Ewww. Tiny dwarves? Go back
to Snow White! Wait – is this a surprise party? HUMPTY
No. You’re on an island. HAROLD Because you’ve been
forgotten. FLAT STANLEY Nobody tells the Princess and
the Pea story anymore. PRINCESS (Disinterested with
the island or her fate, she stares at Fozzie Bear). Who
are you? Little Bear or Lotso Bear? FOZZIE Close. Fozzie
bear. LITTLE GUYS ALL together: Who are you? (song
starts... Jack steals during this)
15. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 15 S6: CALL ME A
PRINCESS (PRINCESS ANDAPEE) (The Little guys are
enchanted and they sit to watch. Jack sneaks around
and steals their belongings: Harold’s crayon, Humpty’s
boom box, Fozzie’s horn and Flat Stanley’s blanket).
Call me a princess, I don't care Call me obsessed with
nails and hair Only concerned with what to wear
Shallow and so blasé Other girls study, why do they
bother? I study how to grease up my father Fathers
were born to pay And princesses get their way Believe it
Princesses get their way Princesses get their way Lights
out Scene 6: Stressed Girls (Red is yanking at door.
Then she sits down by the slide and peeks into her
basket. Suddenly, Little Mermaid slips down the slide,
followed by Goldilicks). GOLDILOCKS (A"er landing
with her face on the ground) This ground is too hard.
(She flops over onto Mermaid) And this is too so".
(Slides onto Red’s lap) Oof. And this... this is just not
right. RED Get o! of me. (Looks suspiciously).
Goldilocks? Is that you? GOLDILOCKS (To Red) Hiya,
Red Riding Hood. (To Mermaid) Hiya... other unfamiliar
character who is not Red Riding Hood. MERMAID Hello
girls.
16. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 16 RED (Even more
suspiciously) Who are you?! MERMAID It’s me. Arial.
Little Mermaid? Oh nobody knows who I am anymore
since I gave up my luxurious tail (annoyed) for Prince
Eric. BOPEEP (Slides down slide) Weeeeee! (All the girls
stare at her, then each other). Hello gentleman. Has
anyone seen my sheep around here? RED Bopeep, you
can’t trust sheep. They’re wolves in sheep’s clothing.
MERMAID Yeah like men. Take Prince Eric... please take
Prince Eric. RED (To Goldilocks) I think Princess Arial is
bitter. She’s gone from Arial to Arial bold. (To Mermaid)
Did you ditch your prince? MERMAID We were
inseparable until one day I went back to see my
treasure trove. Prince Eric was so jealous that he
evidently stole all of my whozits and whatzits.
GOLDILOCKS Please tell me you still have the
thingamabobs. MERMAID No, there were 10
thingamabobs le" (pause). But I used to have 20!
GOLDILOCKS Well at least you have a world to go back
to. RED Goldilocks did you runaway again?
GOLDILOCKS No MERMAID You’re a runaway?
GOLDILOCKS Yes RED Well which one. Yes or no?
GOLDILOCKS I don’t know. Something in between. RED
Sorry to hear that, Goldi. GOLDILOCKS Sorry? I’m not.
My parents won’t let me do anything anymore. “Stay o!
the computer, Goldilocks. Lay o! the Grande lattes,
Goldilocks. No more breaking & entering bear houses,
Goldilocks.” BOPEEP
17. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 17 (To Goldilocks):
Excuse me, Alice in Wonderland. Have you seen any
sheep around here? MERMAID Oh hush, Little Bopeep.
Hush all of you. I used to have a gorgeous tail and a
Prince I could trust. RED I used to trust humanity. Song
starts here GOLDILOCKS I used to have parents who
didn’t annoy and embarrass me. BOPEEP I used to have
a lamb whose fleece was white as snow. S7: STRESSED
OUT (GOLDILOCKS, RED, BOPEEP, MERMAID) Goldilocks
Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’ days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re
stressed out. ALL Wish we could turn back time, to the
good ol’ days, When our momma sang us to sleep but
now we’re stressed out. (Dialogue potentially) BoPeep
Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I
was young, How come I’m never able to identify where
it’s coming from, Mermaid I’d make a Whoosit out of it if
I ever found it, Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I’d
probably only sell one, Red It’d trust my old grandma,
‘cause we have the same nose, Same clothes
homegrown a stone’s throw from a creek we used to
roam, Goldilicks But it would remind us of when
nothing really mattered, Out of student loans and
treehouse homes we all would take the latter. BoPeep
My name’s Little Bo Peep and I care what you think My
name’s Little Bo Peep and I care what you think ALL
Wish we could turn back time, to the good ol’ days,
When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re
stressed out! Lights out Scene 7: Town Hall Meeting
(ALL CAST) (The entire cast now on the island are
talking and panicking)
18. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 18 WALDORF Your
attention please. Quiet! Does anyone know why we
called this town hall meeting? DOROTHY To send us all
to the hills? CHARMING To torture us with your fossil
breath? BOPEEP Wait, I know why they called a
meeting, everyone. They’re going to send us all to the
hills! DOROTHY Didn’t I just... GLINDA Maybe you
summoned us to tell us why you’re stealing things from
the little guys? HAROLD, STANLEY, HUMPTY and FOZZIE
Yeah! You stole my (boom box/yolk, blanket, crayon,
horn) STATLER That’s Ridick-orous. WALDORF The only
thing we’re stealing is you. From the hearts and minds
of children everywhere. Statler. The status, stat!
STATLER We are ahead of plan, sir. Technology is
winning. YouTube views rose 45% among 5-10 year
olds. Dragon Quest and Fallout Shelter downloads are
going through the roof. Nobody has the time or
attention for stories. WALDORF Ah, the sweet triumph
of vapid technology over tales of yore. By my
estimation, we are just 36 hours from dumping you all
to the hills, where you’ll be forgotten forever (song
starts). STATLER/WALDORF (They cackle, each topping
the other... Statler gives Waldorf a playful punch.
Waldorf punches back hard, and Statler stumbles). S8:
FORGET YOU (WALDORF/STATLER) Walford (four count)
You see your stories are dead To the boys and girls they
all Forget You Statler Oo, oo, oooh! Waldorf They’d
rather Snapchat or Facebook Than read your dumb
books s o they Forget You Both And forget her too
Statler Yeah I'm sorry. No I’m not sorry, We think this
fate is rather fair
19. Land of Lost Stories, FINAL Page 19 Stop your
chatter. Your tales don't matter. The kids and parents
just don’t care Walford You see your stories are dead To
the boys and girls they all Forget You Statler Oo, oo,
oooh! Waldorf They’d rather Snapchat or Facebook
Than read your dumb books so they Forget You Both
And forget her too Oooh ooooh oooh Lights out Scene
8: Change Your Story Prince Charming and Dorothy are
on stage PRINCE CHARMING So I says to him, “I don’t
know. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?” And Kristo!
says, “Because she will let it go.” (Dorothy’s face turns
from worried to a smile, and she covers her mouth
timidly to quietly laugh). (WALDORF AND STATLER
enter, chasing Bopeep and Tinkerbell. Physical comedy
ensues) (Peter Pan slides onto stage, and the chasing
stops abruptly... Peter appears not to notice the four
others, but then turns swi"ly swinging his sword).
PETER PAN Step away or I’ll make a hook of your hand.
STATLER Hoo, hoo, hoooo. Try it, man. I’ll bounce all
over you and your little green tights. BOPEEP (Pointing
to Statler) That man is a bouncer. TINKERBELL Peter!
(Runs to him and protects him from Statler). Backo!,
grampa grizzle... this is Peter Pan. WALDFORF Oh