Mentoring

e-Book
This information is to acquaint a person with the concept of Christian Mentoring.

Biblical Mentoring Relationship

Elijah and Elisha
Scripture: 1 and 2 Kings
• 1 Kings 19:15-16, 19-21
• 2 Kings 2:1-2, 6-14

Reflection Questions

1. In these Scripture passages, how readily does Elisha accept Elijah’s authority? Does Elijah show Elisha
respect? Did these men demonstrate a good, healthy mentoring relationship?
2. Elijah is the instrument that God used to call Elisha. How do we communicate to others that God may be
calling them? How do we invite them to take up the mantle?
3. Elijah is a resource God used to develop Elisha’s prophetic leadership. What did Elijah observe? What
questions do you think Elijah asked Elisha? What is a question a mentor might ask someone to gather
information?
4. What do you observe about the nature of the relationship between Elisha and Elijah? What are the
mentoring lessons that can be learned from this example?
5. It seems Elisha’s resolve is being tested in these stories. Is putting someone to the test part of
mentoring? If so, how can it be done faithfully? Is challenging someone to identify what stands in the
way of personal growth and development part of the mentoring process? How are these obstacles
overcome?
6. Discuss how “loyalty” and “presence” are key elements of the mentoring relationship in these stories.
7. Think about “building on their strength” and “achieving on-going success.” How was Elijah building on
Elisha’s strength and helping him to achieve on-going success as a prophet?

If you are ready to investigate the possibility of becoming a mentor at Brentwood Baptist, continue with next
section.

http://holston.org/media/ministry/resource/BiblicalReflectiononMentoring.pdf

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What is Christian Mentoring? What is a Christian Mentor?

Christian Mentoring
Mentoring has been defined in many books, authored by mentors. Here are a few definitions to help understand
“mentoring” in today’s culture.

“Mentoring is a relational experience in which one person empowers another by sharing God-given
resources” (Connecting, p.33). Ideally, “mentoring is a lifelong relationship, in which a mentor helps
a protégé reach her or his God-given potential” and goals. Mentoring is making the mentor’s
personal strengths, resources, and networks (friendships/contacts) available to help a person to
grow (Mentoring: Confidence in Finding a Mentor and Becoming One, p. 19).

A mentor is the person who shares God-given resources. A mentee is the person being empowered. The
transfer between the mentor and mentee is called empowerment.

“Mentoring is a relational process in which a mentor, who knows or has experienced something,
transfers that something (resources of wisdom, information, experience, confidence, insight,
relationships, status, etc.) to a mentee, at an appropriate time and manner, so that it facilitates
development or empowerment (Connecting, p. 40).

Mentoring is not just a fad or the latest new thing, but a relationship rooted in biblical principles. Its popularity is
“arising from Western society’s extreme individualism and lack of accountability” (Connecting, p. 45). Out of this
need for personal growth and accountability, a mentee usually seeks the assistance of a mentor in a needed
area of resourcing and initiates the first step in the relationship.

Christian Mentor
Anyone can mentor, provided they have learned something from God, and they are willing to share with others
what they learned. Whatever God has given you that has “enabled you to grow and deepen your relationships
with Him, you can pass on to others. Introducing young followers of Christ to the basics of spiritual growth is
part of the process of discipling, which is the first and most basic mentoring type” (Connecting, p. 29).

How is mentoring different from coaching?

To understand what a mentor is, it is helpful to distinguish a mentor from a coach.

A Christian mentor guides from one’s personal experience or sharing of experience in a specific area of interest
or expertise. A mentor will develop skills and instill wisdom based on the mentor’s life experiences. Mentoring is
a God-given relationship in which one growing Christian encourages and equips another believer to reach
potential as a disciple of Christ.

A Christian coach moves a person to draw from his or her own resources of experiences—helping the person
learn instead of teaching them. A coach will draw out of a person what God has put in him or her. Coaching is
the art and practice of enabling individuals to move from where they are, to where God wants them to be in the
Christian journey.

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A Christian coach helps a person focus on the untapped potential within them, and guides him or her to discover
that potential and what needs to be done to move forward. – Jane Creswell, Christ-Centered Coaching

Rules of Thumb for Establishing Boundaries in Christian Coaching and

Mentoring
Here are some helpful rules for establishing boundaries when coaching or mentoring a person who might need
guidance beyond what a Christian coach or mentor can provide. (Excerpt taken from Coaching Skills: A
Handbook by Jenny Rogers, pp. 25-26.)

1. The person cries: frequently, intensely and uncontrollably.

2. The person describes suicidal feelings or actual suicide attempts.
3. The person expresses threats of harm to others or self.
4. The person returns over and over again to one relationship, typically with a parent, parent-figure or
sibling.
5. The person shares one major fear which appears to dominate the person’s life.
6. The person shares a life story which features a major trauma.
7. The person is unable to move on from one incident.
8. The person frequently resorts to “if only. . . “
9. The person has not acknowledged and worked through bereavement.
10. The person is unable to accept personal responsibility.
11. The person exhibits a denial of “reality.”
12. The person describes symptoms of frequent mental dysfunction which intrude significantly into
everyday life.
13. The person engages in substance use.
14. The person has other kinds of addictive behavior.
15. The person behaves in troubling ways with you.

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Samples of Dialog for Mentor and Coach Roles

Notice how each role speaks in conversation with a person. Which role do you identify with best?

Mentor Coach
• I have always wanted to do that, too. • How would you go about doing this thing right
• Let’s do it together! now?
• What are some special things you like to • What will be your first step to accomplish this?
do? • What would make this special for you today?
• I like your idea, but, here is another way. • I want to affirm you in the path you have selected.
• Let me share a way I did this action. • What will it take to make this happen for you?
• I do not think that will work. Let me explain. • If this plan fails, what will you learn?
• Here’s how I overcame that obstacle. • When you faced that obstacle in the past, how did
• Why would you want to do something like you overcome it?
this? • How have similar situations in the past affected
• Is this really important to you? What you? How have you responded?
about… • What makes this important to you now? Where do
• Can you realistically do that? I couldn’t. you think God wants you to be? How can you get
there?
• How would your life change if you took that on
right now?

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Best Practices—How to Get Started

How do I know if I am a mentor candidate?

To help you determine if you have what it takes to become a mentor, use this simple assessment. Be honest in
your responses. Read each statement and respond as objectively as possible.

Not Quite Already

True True

1. I easily share my faith and what I have learned from God.

2. I easily establish simple natural relationships?

3. I enjoy encouraging others to grow and develop personally and spiritually.

4. I can easily commit to long-term relationships.

How do I adopt a mentoring mindset?

1. Make people development your top priority.
2. Limit who you take along.
3. Develop relationships before you start out.
4. Give help unconditionally.
5. Let them fly with you for a while.
6. Put fuel in their tank.
7. Stay with them until they can solo successfully.
8. Clear the flight path.
9. Help them repeat the process.

The Four Steps of Mentoring include the following:

Step 1—Initiating
Connecting with potential mentee

Step 2—Defining
Building a relationship with potential mentee

Step 3—Assessing
Using five C’s

Step 4—Empowering
Seeing the best and getting it

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A mentor helps a mentee reach his or her God-given potential.

Mentoring can be a simple natural relationship. The relationship becomes significant when a person with
experience asks a less experienced person two important questions:

1. What are your priorities?

2. How can I help?

Maturing over time is the focus, and part of this maturation process is helping the mentee achieve steady
growth in the following seven areas of life:

1. Family and marriage

2. Financial
3. Personal growth
4. Physical
5. Professional
6. Social
7. Spiritual
(Mentoring, p.24)

Resources which may be shared in a mentoring relationship may include the following:

• Wisdom and discernment

• Scriptures
• Articles, books or other literary information that offers perspective
• Life and ministry experience
• Timely advice
• New methods
• Skills
• Principles
• Important values and lessons
• Organizational influence
• Financial resources
(Mentoring Personal Mentors, p. 10).

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The typical pathway to mentoring has five dynamics.

These five dynamics define the five aspects of mentoring:

1. Attraction—People naturally move towards those who seem helpful. Mentees may be attracted by
a mentor’s personality, spirituality, ministry skills or experience.

2. Relationship—The best exchanges of empowerment resources happen when mentors and mentees
trust each other.

3. Responsiveness—The mentee’s willingness to respond to the mentor’s information is vital for

learning empowerment.

4. Accountability—Mentees must answer to someone for their growth and spiritual development.
Often there is mutual accountability between mentors and mentees.

5. Empowerment—This is the actual exchange of resources and encouragement between mentor and
mentee in areas of life and ministry.
(Mentoring Personal Mentors, p. 10)

What are the responsibilities of the mentor and the mentee?

The mentor’s responsibility is to make sure they really want to be a mentor. Mentoring is very
rewarding, but doing it properly can also be time-consuming.

The mentee’s responsibility is to be proactive in setting-up the sessions, prepare properly and make the
best use of their session with the mentor.

How does a person choose a mentor?

• Choose someone who has credibility in your eyes. They must be somebody you respect. They must
also have knowledge that you believe can help you to achieve your picture of success.

• Choose somebody who has similar values. Look for a mentor who expresses the values you believe
in and seems able to express these successfully at a high level. Values-fit is crucial.

• Choose somebody who has the qualities you want in a mentor. Try completing the following
exercise. Describe the qualities you want in such a person. For example, you may want them to be a
good listener or creative; then try to find somebody with these qualities.

www.thestrengthsfoundation.org/the-strengths-companion-m-is-for-mentoring

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Mentors share God-given resources.

Mentors should have some of these common characteristics:

• Ability to readily see potential in a person.

• Tolerance with mistakes, brashness, abrasiveness and the like, in order to see that potential develop.
• Flexibility in responding to people and circumstances.
• Patience, knowing that time and experience are needed for development.
• Perspective, having vision and ability to see down the road and suggest the next steps that a mentee
needs.
• Gifts and abilities that build up and encourage others.
(Connecting, p 40.)

Now that we have mentoring basics, we are ready for the next question.

How do I get started as a mentor?

• The mentor makes the person feel welcome and clarifies the topics the person wants to explore.
• They then make clear working contracts and agree on the goals for the session.

The Classic Mentoring Model provides a framework for the mentoring experience. – The 5C Model

The mentor encourages the person to explore their Challenges, Choices, Consequences, Creative Solutions and
Conclusions. The aim is to enable the person to take away practical tools they can use to achieve ongoing
success.

Here are some questions the mentor may ask the mentee at each stage of the model:

1. Challenges:

“What are the topics you would like to explore? What would make it a successful session for you?

“Looking at these various themes, which is the first challenge you would like to tackle? Can you give
some background and explain what is happening at the moment?

“Looking at the challenge, what are the real results you want to achieve? If there are several results you
want to achieve, let’s put these in order of priority.

“Looking at the situation, what are the controllables? How can you build on what you can control and
manage what you can’t?

“Let’s summarize the things we have covered? What are your specific goals? What are the real results
you want to achieve? What is your picture of success?

“Let’s be crystal-clear on the “What” before moving onto the ‘How’.”

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2. Choices:

“Let’s consider the possible choices you have for tackling this challenge.

“What do you see as Option A? (Doing nothing is, of course, an option.) What is Option B, Option C,
Option D, Option E? What other strategies have you tried before? Are there any other possible options?”

3. Consequences:

“Let’s consider the consequences of each option. What are the pluses and minuses involved in pursuing
Option A, Option B, Option C, Option D and Option E?

“We will soon be exploring other potential creative solutions, but first let’s check your gut feeling for
each of the possibilities. Rate the attractiveness of each option. Do this on a scale of 0-10.”

4. Creative Solutions:

This is the point where good mentors show competence. They ask if it is okay to share ideas for reaching
the goal. They then pass on knowledge, tools and models the mentee can use to achieve success. So
they may say something like the following:

“Let’s move on to the other possible creative solutions. First, let’s re-establish your goals. What are the
real results you want to achieve?

“Looking at the different options you have outlined, is it possible to take the best parts from each option
and create a new road?

“Looking at the goals you want to achieve, here are some other possibilities you may wish to consider.
For example, it could be possible:

To___________________

To___________________

To___________________

“Looking at these other possibilities, are there any that resonate with you? If so, let’s explore those in
more depth.

“Let’s consider your strengths—where you deliver “A”s rather than “B”s or “C”s. How can you use your
strengths and assets to tackle the challenge? How can you complement your strengths by getting other
kinds of support?

Good mentors pass on knowledge in a way the person can accept. The key is to clarify which ideas
resonate with the person. This is easier to see with extroverts. When working with introverts, however,
the mentor keeps saying something like:

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 “Looking at the idea we have explored, which ones resonate? Which would you like to explore further?
Which might be useful in this situation?”

During this stage the mentor will often go through the creative process of ‘opening up’ and then ‘closing
down’. They will sit alongside the person, explore many ideas and see which resonate.

5. Conclusions:

There is a natural rhythm to a mentoring session. The mentor will encourage the mentee to explore the
first challenge, choices and consequences.

After considering the potential creative solutions, the mentee reflects and at a certain point, will be
ready to move onto the final stage—their conclusions.

They settle on their plan for tackling the challenge. When it feels appropriate, the mentor enables them
to take this step by using some of the following questions.

“Looking at the different options we have discussed, which route do you want to travel? What will be the
pluses and minuses of pursuing this option? Are you prepared to accept the whole package?

“Let’s move on to your action plan. What steps must you take to reach your goals? How can you make
this happen? Momentum is vital, so how can you get an early success? You can only do your best, of
course, and make sure you also have a back-up plan.”

“What is the next challenge you want to tackle?”

Mentors will aim to pass on practical tools the mentee can use:

• To build on their strengths.

• To manage the consequences of their weaknesses.
• To achieve ongoing success.

http://www.thestrengthsfoundation.org/3-tips-for-using-the-strengths-model-for-helping-people-to-achieve-success
The above section was taken from this resource.

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Mentoring activities are helpful in moving the mentoring process forward.
Below are mentoring activities you will find useful.

Mentoring activities are helpful in mentoring relationships.

1. Prayer Requests and Prayer Journals

The mentor and mentee may choose to share prayer requests and keep a prayer journal during the
mentor/mentee relationship.
2. Mentee Journaling
Mentee may want to keep a separate journal of discoveries and new knowledge gained during the
mentoring relationship.
3. Share Stories
A great way to get to know each other is for the mentor and mentee to share a high and low point in
your personal, professional and spiritual journey.
4. Share PLACE profiles
Share results of your PLACE profile and discuss similarities and differences. Share the things that
specifically resonate from your PLACE profile.
5. A Perfect Week
Mentee assignment: Write down the details of a perfect week. What are you doing, where are you
living, how do people talk about you? Discuss these discoveries with your mentor and what you can
learn/apply from them.
6. Discuss Role Models
Discuss a role model that has been influential in each of your lives. How has he/she impacted your
decisions or beliefs?
7. Book
Read a book together and share the unique perspectives that each of you bring.
8. Community Service
Volunteer together ideally for an organization or cause that you both mentor and mentee are
passionate about.
9. Role-play
Role-play how to address a particularly challenging situation your mentee may be experiencing.

Reverse Planning for Goal Achievement is a powerful aspect of mentoring.

Select a goal you are currently working to achieve and visualize yourself accomplishing this goal.

Ask yourself, “What was the last step I took before accomplishing this goal?”

Record your answer.

Continue visualizing yourself accomplishing the goal and ask yourself “What was the step I took right before that
step” until you retrace the steps back to your present situation.

The end result is a step-by-step action plan for achieving your goal.

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 Last Step Achievement of Goal ______________

8. _______________________________

7. _______________________________

6. _______________________________

5. _______________________________

4. _______________________________

3. _______________________________

2. _______________________________

1. Present Situation (describe) ________

Formulating Vision, Goals and Action Plans are important in the mentoring process.

A mentoring relationship may begin by formulating a vision statement, goals and objectives and actionable
learning activities.

Vision Statement
Creating a vision statement helps you see yourself in a future role and answer the question, “What do I want for
myself long term?” A vision statement should be written in present tense, align with your values, and provide a
roadmap for making decisions especially during times of change. The following questions provide a framework
for formulating your vision statement.

• Where do you want to be?

• What do you want to be known for?
• What do you stand for?
• How are you making a difference?

Example of Vision Statement:

“My life is filled with variety and sufficient challenge to satisfy my quest for knowledge. My personal life
includes satisfying and healthy family relationships, time with close friends, cultural and leisure travel,
and service opportunities. I honor and embrace God’s guidance and seize the moment when prompted to
do so. I cherish each day and spend little time in idle tasks. I am able to reflect and be thankful for the
blessings and lessons learned in both good times and bad.

In my professional life I guide my clients through change initiatives by helping them identify problems
and develop solutions. I also enjoy mentoring and coaching executives and entrepreneurs to lead with
strength and purpose.”

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Goals and Objectives are essential in the mentoring relationship.

With the vision statement formulated, your next step is to create mentoring goals and objectives. These goals
and objectives help form the mentoring relationship and create a starting point for the mentor and mentee to
develop learning activities.

Example of Goals and Objectives:

1. Develop a strategy to pursue an adjunct position at a local university.
2. Start a gratitude journal.
3. Develop a plan for improved time management and heighten awareness of wasted time.
Learning Activities move the person forward in reaching their goals.

Once you have formulated a vision statement and set mentoring goals, the next phase is learning activities. The
learning activities assist in getting you from where you are now to where you plan to be in the future.

Examples of Learning Activities:

1. Research my network to see who may have connections with local universities.
2. Purchase a gratitude journal.
3. Track daily activities in 30-minute intervals for two weeks.

The following is a Sample Mentoring Action Plan:

Mentor: Jane Doe Mentor: Jill Doe

Vision:
“My life is filled with variety and sufficient challenge to satisfy my quest for knowledge. My personal life
includes satisfying and healthy family relationships, time with close friends, cultural and leisure travel,
and service opportunities. I honor and embrace God’s guidance and seize the moment when prompted to
do so. I cherish each day and spend little time in idle tasks. I am able to reflect and be thankful for the
blessings and lessons learned in both good times and bad.

In my professional life I guide my clients through change initiatives by helping them identify problems
and develop solutions. I also enjoy mentoring and coaching executives and entrepreneurs to lead with
strength and purpose.”

Mentoring Goals and Objectives:

1. Develop a strategy to pursue an adjunct position at a local university.
2. Start a gratitude journal.
3. Develop a plan for improved time management and heighten awareness of wasted time.

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Mentoring Goal 1: Develop a strategy to pursue an adjunct position at a local university.

Learning Activity:
• Research my network to see who may have connections with local universities.
Beginning Date
Ending Date
Follow Up Additional Action Needed:
Learning Activity:
• Investigate local university website job postings
Beginning Date
Ending Date
Follow Up Additional Action Needed:
Mentoring Goal 2: Start a gratitude journal.

Learning Activity:
• Develop process to raise awareness of things I’m grateful for.
Beginning Date
Ending Date
Follow Up Additional Action Needed:
Learning Activity:
• Purchase special journal for recording gratitude moments.
Beginning Date
Ending Date
Follow Up Additional Action Needed:
Sources:

• http://ohcm.ndc.nasa.gov/DevGuide/DevPrograms/Mentor/Mentoring_Action_Plan_workbook.pdf
• Jones, Laurie Beth. 1996. The Path, Creating Your Mission Statement for Work and for Life. Hyperion, New York, New
York.
• Philip-Jones, Linda. 2003. 75 Things to Do with Your Mentee: Practical and Effective Development Ideas You Can Try.
Coalition of Counseling Centers, The Mentoring Group, Worldwide Mentoring Services. www.mentoringgroup.com

What’s Next for the Christian Mentor?

As you move toward becoming a Christian mentor at Brentwood Baptist, consider participating in the next
training session. Many of these skills will be further developed. Contact the Adult Discipleship Mentoring
Relationships office to sign up for the next training session: Melissa Hayes, [email protected] or
615.324.6143.

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Mentoring Bibliography

Biehl, Bobb. 1996. Mentoring: Confidence in Finding a Mentor and Becoming One. Broadman and Holman
Publishers. Nashville, Tennessee.

Daloz, Laurent A. 1999. Mentor: Guiding the Journey of Adult Learning. Jossey-Bass Publishers Inc. San Francisco,
California.

Davis, Ron Lee Davis. 1991. Mentoring: The Strategy of the Master. Thomas Nelson, Nashville, Tennessee.

DePree, Max. 1989. Leadership Is an Art. Doubleday, New York.

Engstrom, Ted, and Norman B. Rohrer. 1989. The Fine Art of Mentoring. Wolgemuth and Hyatt Publishers,
Brentwood, Tennessee.

Hull, Bill. 1988. The Disciple Making Pastor. Fleming H. Revell. Old Tappan, NJ.

Nigro, Nicholas. 2008. The Everything Coaching & Mentoring Book, 2nd Edition: Increase Productivity, foster
talent, and encourage success. F & W Publications, Avon, MA.

Nouwen, Henri J. M. 1989. In the Name of Jesus—Reflections on Christian Leadership. Crossroads, New York.

Rabey, Steve and Lois (editors). 2000. Side By Side—A Handbook: Disciple-Making For a New Century. NavPress,
Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Stanley, Paul and J. Robert Clinton. 1992. Connecting: Mentoring Relationships You Need To Succeed in Life.
NavPress, Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Other
5 Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni
Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell
Brain-Based Learning, by Eric Jensen
Progress Not Perfection: Your Journey Matters, Talane Miedaner
Reveal: Where are You, Greg Hawkins and Cally Parkinson
The Wisdom of Teams, Katzenbach and Smith

Additional Suggested Resources

Bakke, Jeannette A. 2000. Holy Invitations: Exploring Spiritual Direction. Baker Books, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Buchanan, Mark. 2006. The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Sabbath. Thomas Nelson, Nashville,
Tennessee.
Chan, Francis. 2008. Crazy Love. David C. Cook, Colorado Springs, Colorado.

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Choung, James. 2008. True Story: A Christianity Worth Believing In. IVP Books, InterVarsity Press, Downers
Grove, Illinois.
Directions. Intervarsity Press, Downers Grove, Illinois.
Jones, Tony. 2005. The Sacred Way: Spiritual Practices for Everyday Life. Zondervan Press, Grand Rapids,
Michigan.
Keller, Timothy. 2008. The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism. Dutton, New York, New York.
Kinnaman, David. 2007. UnChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity…and Why it
Matters. Baker Books, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Larson, Kate. 2007. Progress not Perfection: Your Journey Matters. Expert Publishing, Inc., Andover, Minnesota.
Maxwell, John. 2008. Mentoring 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know. Thomas Nelson, Nashville, Tennessee.
Melander, Rjochelle. 2006. A Generous Presence: Spiritual Leadership and the Art of Coaching. The Alban
Institute, Herndon, Virginia.
Palmer, Parker J. 2004. A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life. Jossey-Bass, San Francisco,
California.
Parks, Sharon DaLoz. 2000. Big Questions, Worthy Dreams, Mentoring Young Adults in Their Search for Meaning,
Purpose, and Faith. Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, California.
Rogers, Jenny. 2012. Coaching Skills: A Handbook. Open University Press, McGraw-Hill House, Berkshire,
England.

Stafford, Tim. 2006. Surprised by Jesus: His agenda for Changing Everything in A.D. 30 and Today. InterVarsity
Press, Downers Grove, Illinois.
Wright, N. T. 2006. Simply Christian: Why Christianity Makes Sense. HarpersRollins, New York, New York.
Zackery, Lois J and Lori Fischler. 2009. The Mentee’s Guide: Making Mentoring Work for You. Jossey-Bass, San
Francisco, California.

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