The

DALAI LAMA’S

Book of

WISDOM
 CONTENTS

COVER
TITLE PAGE
FOREWORD

PART ONE:
CONTENTMENT, JOY AND LIVING WELL

PART TWO:
FACING DEATH AND DYING

PART THREE:
DEALING WITH ANGER AND EMOTION

PART FOUR:
GIVING AND RECEIVING
COPYRIGHT
ABOUT THE PUBLISHER
 FOREWORD

The Book of Wisdom is an extract from the earlier publication of Power of

Compassion – teachings by His Holiness the Dalai Lama given in May 1993 in
London.
It is hoped that this extract – The Book of Wisdom – will bring His Holiness
the Dalai Lama’s message about the importance of love, compassion and
forgiveness to a wider audience.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama is the spiritual and temporal leader of the Tibetan
people. In 1989 His Holiness the Dalai Lama was awarded the Nobel Peace
Prize for his non-violent struggle for the liberation of Tibet. Since 1959 His
Holiness has been living in exile in India. Tibet continues to be occupied by
Communist China.

The Office of Tibet, London

September 1999
I am a Buddhist and my whole way of training is according to the Buddhist
teaching or Buddha Dharma. Although I speak from my own experience, I
feel that no one has the right to impose his or her beliefs on another person.
I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If
you find some point which may be suitable for you, then you can carry out
experiments for yourself. If you find that it is of no use, then you can
discard it.

His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama

 PART ONE

CONTENTMENT, JOY AND LIVING WELL

The basic fact is that all sentient beings, particularly human beings, want
happiness and do not want pain and suffering. On those grounds, we have
every right to be happy and to use different methods or means to overcome
suffering and to achieve happier lives. It is worthwhile to think seriously
about the positive and negative consequences of these methods. You should
be aware that there are differences between short-term interest and long-
term interest and consequences – and the long-term interest is more
important. Buddhists usually say that there is no absolute and that
everything is relative. So we must judge according to the circumstances.
Our experiences and feelings are mainly related to our bodies and our
minds. We know from our daily experience that mental happiness is
beneficial. For instance, though two people may face the same kind of
tragedy, one person may face it more easily than the other due to his or her
mental attitude.
I believe that if someone really wants a happy life then it is very important
to pursue both internal and external means; in other words, mental
development and material development. One could also say ‘spiritual
development’, but when I say ‘spiritual’ I do not necessarily mean any kind
of religious faith. When I use the word ‘spiritual’ I mean basic human good
qualities. These are: human affection, a sense of involvement, honesty,
discipline and human intelligence properly guided by good motivation. We
have all these qualities from birth; they do not come to us later in our lives.
As humans, we all have the same human potential, unless there is some
sort of retarded brain function. The wonderful human brain is the source of
our strength and the source of our future, provided we utilize it in the right
direction. If we use the brilliant human mind in the wrong way, it is really a
disaster.
I think human beings are the superior sentient beings on this planet.
Humans have the potential not only to create happy lives for themselves,
but also to help other beings. We have a natural creative ability and it is
very important to realize this.
With the realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s
ability, one can build a better world. According to my own experience,
self-confidence is very important. That sort of confidence is not a blind
one; it is an awareness of one’s own potential. On that basis, human beings
can transform themselves by increasing the good qualities and reducing the
negative qualities.
The fundamental teaching of the Buddha is his teaching on the Four Noble
Truths: 1) That there is suffering; 2) that suffering has cause; 3) that there
is cessation of suffering; and, 4) that there is a path to such freedom. The
underlying principle of this teaching is the universal principle of causality.
What becomes important in the understanding of this basic teaching is a
genuine awareness of one’s own potentials and the need to utilize them to
their fullest. Seen in this light, every human action becomes significant.
It is my belief that the human brain and basic human compassion are by
nature in some kind of balance. Sometimes, when we grow up, we may
neglect human affection and simply concentrate on the human brain, thus
losing the balance. It is then that disasters and unwelcome things happen.
The smile is a very important feature of the human face. But because of
human intelligence, even that good part of human nature can be used in the
wrong way, such as sarcastic smiles or diplomatic smiles, which only serve
to create suspicion. I feel that a genuine, affectionate smile is very
important in our day-to-day lives. How one creates that smile largely
depends on one’s own attitude. It is illogical to expect smiles from others if
one does not smile oneself. Therefore, one can see that many things depend
on one’s own behaviour.
The important thing is to use human intelligence and judgement, and to be
mindful of the benefits for long-term and short-term happiness. Up to a
certain point, the body itself is a good indicator. For instance, if some sort
of food causes you discomfort one day, then later you will not want to
consume that type of food. It seems that at a certain stage the body itself
can tell us what is suitable for well-being and happiness and what is not.
Sometimes your intelligence may oppose your immediate desire because it
knows the long-term consequences. Thus, the role of intelligence is to
determine the positive and negative potential of an event or factor which
could have both positive and negative results. It is the role of intelligence,
with the full awareness that is provided by education, to judge and
accordingly utilize the potential for one’s own benefit or well-being.
If we examine our mental world, we find that there are various mental
factors which have both positive and negative aspects. For instance, we can
look at two types which are quite similar: one is self-confidence and the
other is conceit or pride. Both of them are similar in that they are uplifting
states of mind which give you a certain degree of confidence and boldness.
But conceit and pride tend to lead to more negative consequences, whereas
self-confidence tends to lead to more positive consequences.
I usually make a distinction between different types of ego. One type of
ego is self-cherishing in order to get some benefit for itself, disregarding
the rights of others. This is the negative ego. Another ego says, ‘I must be a
good human being. I must serve. I must take full responsibility.’ That kind
of strong feeling of ‘I’ or self opposes some of our negative emotions.
So there are two types of ego, and wisdom or intelligence makes a
distinction. Similarly, we must be able to distinguish between genuine
humility and a lack of confidence. One may mistake the two because both
of these are sort of slightly humbling mental functions, but one is positive
and the other is negative.
There is both positive and negative desire. For instance, the Mahayana
Buddhist literature mentions two desires or two aspirations. One is the
aspiration to be of benefit to all sentient beings and the other is the
aspiration to attain fully the Enlightened state for that purpose. Without
these two types of aspiration, the attainment of full Enlightenment is
impossible. But there are also negative things which result from desire. The
antidote to this negative desire is contentment. There are always extremes,
but the middle way is the proper way.
The sense of contentment is a key factor for attaining happiness. Bodily
health, material wealth and companions and friends are three factors for
happiness. Contentment is the key that will determine the outcome of your
relations with all three of these factors.
When our attitude towards our material possessions and wealth is not
proper, it can lead to an extreme attachment towards such things as our
property, houses and belongings. This can lead to an inability to feel
contented. If that happens, then one will always remain in a state of
dissatisfaction, always wanting more. In a way, one is then really poor,
because the suffering of poverty is the suffering of wanting something and
feeling the lack of it.
Now when we talk about objects of enjoyment or desire and material well-
being, Buddhist literature mentions five types of objects of desire: form,
sound, odours, tastes and tactile sensations. Whether or not these objects of
enjoyment give rise to happiness, satisfaction and contentment, or
conversely, give rise to suffering and dissatisfaction depends very much on
how you apply your faculty of intelligence. Our behaviour in our daily
lives is the key factor in determining whether these really produce genuine,
long-lasting satisfaction or not. Much depends on our own attitude. And for
this mental factor, motivation is the key thing.
In Buddhist literature, human life is seen as a favourable form of existence
or rebirth. There are various factors that could complement the favourable
existence as a human being, such as having a long life, good health,
material possessions and eloquence so that one can relate to others in a
more beneficial way. But whether or not these conditions lead to a more
beneficial existence or a more harmful one depends very much on how you
utilize them and whether or not you apply the faculty of intelligence.
Buddhist literature mentions practice of the Six Perfections. For instance,
in the case of acquiring material possessions, according to Buddhism,
generosity and the act of giving are seen as causes of wealth. But in order
to practise generosity and giving successfully, one must first of all have a
sound ethical discipline. And that ethical discipline can come about only if
one has the ability to bear hardships when confronted with them. For that
you also need a certain degree of joyful effort.
In order to practise the application of joyful effort successfully, one must
have the ability to concentrate, to focus on events, actions or goals. That in
turn depends on whether or not you have the ability to exercise your power
of judgement, to judge between what is desirable and what is undesirable,
what is negative and what is positive.
How do we go about implementing in our daily lives the principles which
are stipulated in the practice of the Six Perfections? Buddhism
recommends living one’s life within the ethical discipline of observance of
what are known as the Ten Precepts, or Avoidance of the Ten Negative
Actions. Most of the Negative Actions are common denominators of all
religious traditions. They are seen as negative or undesirable for society in
general, regardless of any religious point of view.
Good conduct is the way in which life becomes more meaningful, more
constructive and more peaceful. For this, much depends on our own
behaviour and our mental attitude.
 PART TWO

FACING DEATH AND DYING

The issue of facing death in a peaceful manner is a very difficult one.
According to common sense, there seem to be two ways of dealing with
the problem and the suffering. The first is simply to try to avoid the
problem, to put it out of your mind, even though the reality of that problem
is still there and it is not minimized. Another way of dealing with this issue
is to look directly at the problem and analyse it, make it familiar to you and
make it clear that it is a part of all our lives.
Illness happens. It is not something exceptional; it is part of nature and a
fact of life. Of course we have every right to avoid illness and pain, but in
spite of that effort, when illness happens it is better to accept it. While you
should make every effort to cure it as soon as possible, you should have no
extra mental burden. As the great Indian scholar Shantideva has said: ‘If
there is a way to overcome the suffering, then there is no need to worry; if
there is no way to overcome the suffering, then there is no use in
worrying.’ That kind of rational attitude is quite useful.
Death is a part of all our lives. Whether we like it or not, it is bound to
happen. Instead of avoiding thinking about it, it is better to understand its
meaning. We all have the same body, the same human flesh, and therefore
we will all die. There is a big difference, of course, between natural death
and accidental death, but basically death will come sooner or later. If from
the beginning your attitude is, ‘Yes, death is part of our lives’, then it may
be easier to face.
There are two distinct approaches to dealing with a problem. One is to
simply avoid it by not thinking about it. The other, which is much more
effective, is to face it directly so that you are already conscious of it.
Generally there are two types of problem or suffering: with one type, it is
possible that, by adopting a certain attitude, one will be able to actually
reduce the force and level of suffering and anxiety. However, there could
be other types of problems and suffering for which adopting a certain type
of attitude and way of thinking may not necessarily reduce the level of
suffering, but which would still prepare you to face it.
When unfortunate things happen in our lives there are two possible results.
One possibility is mental unrest, anxiety, fear, doubt, frustration and
eventually depression, and, in the worst case, even suicide. That’s one way.
The other possibility is that because of that tragic experience you become
more realistic, you become closer to reality. With the power of
investigation, the tragic experience may make you stronger and increase
your self-confidence and self-reliance. The unfortunate event can be a
source of inner strength.
The success of our lives and our future depends on our motivation and
determination or self-confidence. Through difficult experiences, life
sometimes becomes more meaningful. If you look at people who, from the
beginning of their lives, have had everything, you may see that when small
things happen they soon lose hope or grow irritated. Others have developed
stronger mental attitudes as a result of their hardships.
I think the person who has had more experience of hardships can stand
more firmly in the face of problems than the person who has never
experienced suffering. From this angle then, some suffering can be a good
lesson for life.
Personally, I have lost my country and, worse still, in my country there has
been a lot of destruction, suffering and unhappiness. I have spent not only
the majority of my life but also the best part of my life outside Tibet. If you
think of this from that angle alone, there is hardly anything that is positive.
But from another angle, you can see that because of these unfortunate
things I have had another type of freedom, such as the opportunity of
meeting different people from different traditions and also of meeting
scientists from different fields. From those experiences my life has been
enriched and I have learned many valuable things. So my tragic
experiences have also had some valuable aspects.
Looking at problems from different angles actually lessens the mental
burden. From the Buddhist viewpoint, every event has many aspects and
naturally one event can be viewed from many, many different angles. It is
very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points
of view. Therefore, it is useful when something happens to try to look at it
from different angles and then you can see the positive or beneficial
aspects. Moreover, if something happens, it is very useful immediately to
make a comparison with some other event or with the events of other
people or other nations. This is also very helpful in sustaining your peace
of mind.
I will now explain, as a Buddhist monk, how to deal with death. Buddha
taught the principles of the Four Noble Truths, the first of which is the
Truth of Suffering. The Truth of Suffering is taught within the context of
three characteristics of existence, the first being impermanence. When
talking about the nature of impermanence we must bear in mind that there
are two levels. One is the coarse level, which is quite obvious and is the
cessation of the continuation of a life or an event. But the impermanent
nature which is being taught in relation to the Four Noble Truths refers to
the more subtle aspect of impermanence, which is the transitory nature of
existence.
By reflecting on the coarser levels of impermanence one will be able to
confront and counteract grasping at permanence or eternal existence of
one’s own identity or self, because it is grasping at permanence that forces
us to cling onto this very ‘now-ness’ or matters of one’s lifetime alone. By
releasing the grip of this grasping and enduring within us, we will be in a
better position to appreciate the value of working for our future lifetimes.
One of the reasons why awareness of death and impermanence is so crucial
in the Buddhist religious practice is that it is considered that your state of
mind at the time of death has a very great effect on determining what form
of rebirth you might take. Whether it is a positive state of mind or a
negative one will have a great effect. Therefore, Buddhist religious practice
greatly emphasizes the importance of the awareness of death and
impermanence.
One of the positive side-effects of maintaining a very high degree of
awareness of death is that it will prepare the individual to such an extent
that, when the individual actually faces death, he or she will be in a better
position to maintain his or her presence of mind. Especially in Tantric
Buddhism, it is considered that the state of mind which one experiences at
the point of death is extremely subtle and, because of the subtlety of the
level of that consciousness, it also has a great power and impact upon one’s
mental continuum.
In Tantric practices we find a lot of emphasis placed on reflections upon
the process of death, so that the individual at the time of death not only
retains his or her presence of mind, but also is in a position to utilize that
subtle state of consciousness effectively towards the realization of the path.
From the Tantric perspective, the entire process of existence is explained in
terms of the three stages known as ‘death’, the ‘intermediate state’ and
‘rebirth’. All of these three stages of existence are seen as states or
manifestations of the consciousness and the energies that accompany or
propel the consciousness, so that the intermediate state and rebirth are
nothing other than various levels of the subtle consciousness and energy.
An example of such fluctuating states can be found in our daily existence,
when during the 24-hour day we go through a cycle of deep sleep, the
waking period and the dream state. Our daily existence is in fact
characterized by these three stages.
As death becomes something familiar to you, as you have some knowledge
of its processes and can recognize its external and internal indications, you
are prepared for it. According to my own experience, I still have no
confidence that at the moment of death I will really implement all these
practices for which I have prepared. I have no guarantee!
Sometimes when I think about death I get some kind of excitement. Instead
of fear, I have a feeling of curiosity and this makes it much easier for me to
accept death. Of course, my only burden if I die today is, ‘Oh, what will
happen to Tibet? What about Tibetan culture? What about the six million
Tibetan people’s rights?’ This is my main concern. Otherwise, I feel almost
no fear of death.
In my daily practice of prayer I visualize eight different deity yogas and
eight different deaths. Perhaps when death comes all my preparation may
fail. I hope not! I think these practices are mentally very helpful in dealing
with death. Even if there is no next life, there is some benefit if they relieve
fear. And because there is less fear, one can be more fully prepared. If you
are fully prepared then, at the moment of death, you can retain your peace
of mind.
I think at the time of death a peaceful mind is essential no matter what you
believe in, whether it is Buddhism or some other religion. At the moment
of death, the individual should not seek to develop anger, hatred and so on.
I think even non-believers see that it is better to pass away in a peaceful
manner, it is much happier. Also, for those who believe in heaven or some
other concept, it is also best to pass away peacefully with the thought of
one’s own God or belief in higher forces. For Buddhists and also other
ancient Indian traditions, which accept the rebirth or karma theory,
naturally at the time of death a virtuous state of mind is beneficial.
 PART THREE

DEALING WITH ANGER AND EMOTION

Anger and hatred are two of our closest friends. When I was young I had
quite a close relationship with anger. Then eventually I found a lot of
disagreement with anger. By using common sense, with the help of
compassion and wisdom, I now have a more powerful argument with
which to defeat anger.
Perhaps there are two types of anger. One type of anger could be
transformed into a positive emotion. For example, if one has a sincere
compassionate motivation and concern for someone and that person does
not heed one’s warning about his or her actions, then there is no alternative
except the use of some kind of force to stop that person’s misdeeds.
According to my experience, it is clear that if each individual makes an
effort then he or she can change. Of course, change is not immediate and it
takes a lot of time. In order to change and deal with emotions it is crucial to
analyse which thoughts are useful, constructive and of benefit to us. I mean
mainly those thoughts which make us calmer, more relaxed and which give
us peace of mind, versus those thoughts which create uneasiness, fear and
frustration.
Within the body there are billions of different particles. Similarly, there are
many different thoughts and a variety of states of mind. It is wise to take a
close look into the world of your mind and to make the distinction between
beneficial and harmful states of mind. Once you can recognize the value of
good states of mind, you can increase or foster them.
Buddha taught the principles of the Four Noble Truths and these form the
foundation of the Buddha Dharma. The Third Noble Truth is cessation. In
this context cessation means the state of mind or mental quality which,
through practice and effort, ceases all the negative emotions. It is a state in
which the individual has reached a perfected state of mind which is free
from the effects of various afflictive and negative emotions and thoughts.
The state of true cessation is, according to Buddhism, the refuge that all
practising Buddhists seek. The reason one seeks refuge in the Buddha, is
not because Buddha was from the beginning a special person, but because
Buddha realized the state of true cessation.
Generally speaking, in Buddhist literature, a negative emotion or thought is
defined as ‘a state which causes disturbance within one’s mind’. These
afflictive emotions and thoughts are factors that create unhappiness and
turmoil within us. Emotion in general is not necessarily something
negative. At a scientific conference which I attended along with many
psychologists and neuro-scientists, it was concluded that even Buddhas
have emotion, according to the definition of emotion found in various
scientific disciplines. So karuna (infinite compassion or kindness) can be
described as a kind of emotion.
Naturally emotions can be positive and negative. However, when talking
about anger, etc., we are dealing with negative emotions. Negative
emotions are those which immediately create some kind of unhappiness or
uneasiness and which, in the long run, create certain actions. Those actions
ultimately lead to harm to others and this brings pain or suffering to
oneself. This is what we mean by negative emotions.
In Tantric practice there are meditative techniques which enable the
transformation of the energy of anger. This is the reason behind the
wrathful deities. On the basis of compassionate motivation, anger may in
some cases be useful because it gives us extra energy and enables us to act
swiftly. However, anger usually leads to hatred and hatred is always
negative. Hatred harbours ill will.
I usually analyse anger on two levels: on the basic human level and on the
Buddhist level. From the human level, without any reference to a religious
tradition or ideology, we can look at the sources of our happiness: good
health, material facilities and good companions. Now from the stand-point
of health, negative emotions such as hatred are very bad.
Your mental state should always remain calm. Even if some anxiety occurs,
as it is bound to in life, you should always be calm. Like a wave, which
rises from the water and dissolves back into the water, these disturbances
are very short, so they should not affect your basic mental attitude. If you
remain calm your blood pressure and so on remains more normal and as a
result your health will improve.
Some of my close friends have high blood pressure, yet they never come
near to having crises in their health and they never feel tired. Over the
years I have met some very good practitioners. Meanwhile, there are other
friends who have great material comfort yet, when we start to talk, after the
initial few nice words, they begin to complain and grieve. In spite of their
material prosperity, these people do not have calm or peaceful minds. As a
result, they are always worrying about their digestion, their sleep,
everything! Therefore it is clear that mental calmness is a very important
factor for good health.
The second source of happiness comes from our material facilities.
Sometimes when I wake up in the early morning, if my mood is not very
good, then when I look at my watch I feel uncomfortable because of my
mood. Then on other days, due perhaps to the previous day’s experience,
when I wake up my mood is pleasant and peaceful. At that time, when I
look at my watch I see it as extraordinarily beautiful. Yet it is the same
watch, isn’t it? The difference comes from mental attitude. Whether our
use of our material facilities provides genuine satisfaction or not depends
on our mental attitude.
It is bad for our material possessions if our mind is dominated by anger. To
speak again from my own experience, when I was young I sometimes
repaired watches. I tried and failed many times. Sometimes I would lose
my patience and hit the watch! During those moments, my anger altered
my whole attitude and afterwards I felt very sorry for my actions. If my
goal was to repair the watch, then why did I hit it on the table? Again you
can see how one’s mental attitude is crucial in order to utilize material
facilities for one’s own genuine satisfaction or benefit.
The third source of happiness is our companions. It is obvious that when
you are mentally calm you are honest and open-minded. Even if there is a
big difference of opinion, you can communicate on a human level. You can
put aside these different opinions and communicate as human beings. I
think that is one way to create positive feelings in other people’s minds.
I think that there is more value in genuine human feeling than in status and
so on. I am just a simple human being. Through my experience and mental
discipline, a certain new attitude has developed. This is nothing special.
You, who I think have had a better education and more experience than
myself, have more potential to change within yourself. I come from a small
village with no modern education and no deep awareness of the world.
Also, from the age of 15 or 16 I had an unthinkable sort of burden.
Each of you should feel that you have great potential and that, with self-
confidence and a little more effort, change really is possible if you want it.
If you feel that your present way of life is unpleasant or has some
difficulties, then don’t look at these negative things. See the positive side,
the potential, and make an effort.
So, as far as our contact with fellow human beings is concerned, our
mental attitude is very crucial. Even for a non-believer, just a simple honest
being, the ultimate source of happiness is in our mental attitude. Even if
you have good health, material facilities used in the proper way and good
relations with other human beings, the main cause of a happy life is within.
Now you can see how to minimize anger and hatred. First, it is extremely
important to realize the negativeness of these emotions in general,
particularly hatred. I consider hatred to be the ultimate enemy. By ‘enemy’
I mean the person or factor which directly or indirectly destroys our
interest. Our interest is that which ultimately creates happiness.
We can also speak of the external enemy. For example, in my own case,
our Chinese brothers and sisters are destroying Tibetan rights and, in that
way, more suffering and anxiety develops. But no matter how forceful this
is, it cannot destroy the supreme source of my happiness, which is my
calmness of mind. This is something an external enemy cannot destroy.
Our country can be invaded, our possessions can be destroyed, our friends
can be killed, but these are secondary for our mental happiness. The
ultimate source of my mental happiness is my peace of mind. Nothing can
destroy this except my own anger.
Moreover, you can escape or hide from an external enemy and sometimes
you can even cheat the enemy. For example, if there is someone who
disturbs my peace of my mind, I can escape by locking my door and sitting
quietly alone. But I cannot do that with anger! Wherever I go, it is always
there. Even though I have locked my room, the anger is still inside. Unless
you adopt a certain method, there is no possibility of escape. Therefore,
hatred or anger – and here I mean negative anger – is ultimately the real
destroyer of my peace of mind and is therefore my true enemy.
Some people believe that to suppress emotions is not good, that it is much
better to let it out. I think there are differences between various negative
emotions. For example, with frustration, there is a certain frustration which
develops as a result of past events. Sometimes if you hide these negative
events, such as sexual abuse, then consciously or unconsciously this
creates problems. Therefore, in this case it is much better to express the
frustration and let it out.
However, according to our experience with anger, if you do not make an
attempt to reduce it, it will remain with you and even increase. Then even
with small incidents you will immediately get angry. Once you try to
control or discipline your anger, then eventually even big events will not
cause anger.
When anger comes there is one important technique to help you keep your
peace of mind. You should not become dissatisfied or frustrated, because
this is the cause of anger and hatred. There is a natural connection between
cause and effect. Once certain causes and conditions are fully met it is
extremely difficult to prevent that causal process from coming to fruition.
It is crucial to examine the situation so that at a very early stage one is able
to put a stop to the causal process. Then it does not continue to an
advanced stage.
In the Buddhist text A Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life, the great
scholar Shantideva mentions that it is very important to ensure that a
person does not get into a situation which leads to dissatisfaction, because
dissatisfaction is the seed of anger. This means that one must adopt a
certain outlook towards one’s material possessions, towards one’s
companions and friends, and towards various situations.
Our feelings of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, loss of hope and so forth are
in fact related to all phenomena. If we do not adopt the right outlook, it is
possible that anything and everything could cause us frustration. Yet
phenomena are part of reality and we are subject to the laws of existence.
So this leaves us only one option: to change our own attitude. By bringing
about a change in our outlook towards things and events, all phenomena
can become friends or sources of happiness, instead of becoming enemies
or sources of frustration.
In one way, having an enemy is very bad. It disturbs our mental peace and
destroys some of our good things. But if we look at it from another angle,
only an enemy gives us the opportunity to practise patience. No one else
provides us with the opportunity for tolerance. Since we do not know the
majority of the five billion human beings on this earth, therefore the
majority of people do not give us an opportunity to show tolerance or
patience either. Only those people whom we know and who create
problems for us really provide us with a good opportunity to practise
tolerance and patience.
Shantideva says that it is the very intention of harming us which makes the
enemy very special. If the enemy had no intention of harming us, then we
would not classify that person as an enemy, therefore our attitude would be
completely different. It is his or her very intention of harming us which
makes that person an enemy and because of that the enemy provides us
with an opportunity to practise tolerance and patience. Therefore an enemy
is indeed a precious teacher. By thinking along these lines you can
eventually reduce the negative mental emotions, particularly hatred.
Another question is that if you always remain humble then others may take
advantage of you and how should you react? It is quite simple: you should
act with wisdom or common sense, without anger and hatred. If the
situation is such that you need some sort of action on your part, you can,
without anger, take a counter-measure. In fact, such actions which follow
true wisdom rather than anger are in reality more effective. A counter-
measure taken in the midst of anger may often go wrong. Without anger
and without hatred, we can manage more effectively.
There is another type of practice of tolerance which involves consciously
taking on the sufferings of others. I am thinking of situations in which, by
engaging in certain activities, we are aware of the hardships, difficulties
and problems that are involved in the short term, but are convinced that
such actions will have a very beneficial long-term effect. Because of our
attitude and our commitment and wish to bring about that long-term
benefit, we sometimes consciously and deliberately take upon ourselves
the hardships and problems that are involved in the short term.
I am quite sure that if this Fourteenth Dalai Lama smiled less, perhaps I
would have fewer friends in various places. My attitude towards other
people is to always look at them from the human level. On that level,
whether president, queen or beggar, there is no difference, provided that
there is genuine human feeling with a genuine human smile of affection.
 PART FOUR

GIVING AND RECEIVING

A practical way of directing love and compassion

Compassion is the most wonderful and precious thing. When we talk about
compassion, it is encouraging to note that basic human nature is, I believe,
compassionate and gentle. For example, one scientist has told me that the
first few weeks after birth is the most important period, for during that time
the child’s brain is enlarging. During that period, the mother’s touch or that
of someone who is acting like a mother is crucial. This shows that even
though the child may not realize who is who, it somehow physically needs
someone else’s affection. Without that, it is very damaging for the healthy
development of the brain.
When we go to a hospital, irrespective of the doctor’s quality, if the doctor
shows genuine feeling and deep concern for us, and if he or she smiles,
then we feel OK. But if the doctor shows little human affection, then even
though he or she may be a very great expert, we may feel unsure and
nervous. This is human nature.
In education, it is my experience that those lessons which we learn from
teachers who are not just good, but who also show affection for the student,
go deep into our minds. Lessons from other sorts of teachers may not.
Although you may be compelled to study and may fear the teacher, the
lessons may not sink in. Much depends on the affection from the teacher.
When we are young and again when we are old, we depend heavily on the
affection of others. Between these stages we usually feel that we can do
everything without help from others and that other people’s affection is
simply not important. But at this stage I think it is very important to keep
deep human affection.
When people in a big town or city feel lonely, this does not mean that they
lack human companions, but rather that they lack human affection. As a
result of this, their mental health eventually becomes very poor. On the
other hand, those people who grow up in an atmosphere of human affection
have a much more positive and gentle development of their bodies, their
minds and their behaviour.
Children who have grown up lacking a positive atmosphere usually have
more negative attitudes. This very clearly shows the basic human nature.
Also, as I have mentioned, the human body appreciates peace of mind.
Things that are disturbing to us have a very bad effect upon our health.
This shows that the whole structure of our health is such that it is suited to
an atmosphere of human affection. Therefore, our potential for compassion
is there. The only issue is whether or not we realize this and utilize it.
The basic aim of my explanation is to show that by nature we are
compassionate, that compassion is something very necessary and
something which we can develop. It is important to know the exact
meaning of compassion. The Buddhist interpretation is that genuine
compassion is based on a clear acceptance or recognition that others, like
oneself, want happiness and have the right to overcome suffering. On that
basis one develops some kind of concern about the welfare of others,
irrespective of their attitude to oneself. That is compassion.
Your love and compassion towards your friends is in many cases actually
attachment. This feeling is not based on the realization that all beings have
an equal right to be happy and to overcome suffering. Instead, it is based
on the idea that something is ‘mine’, ‘my friend’ or something good for
‘me’. That is attachment. Thus, when the person’s attitude towards you
changes, your feeling of closeness immediately disappears. With the other
way, you develop some kind of concern irrespective, of the other person’s
attitude to you, simply because that person is a fellow human being and has
every right to overcome suffering. Whether that person remains neutral to
you or even becomes your enemy, your concern should remain.
Actually genuine compassion and attachment are contradictory. According
to Buddhist practice, to develop genuine compassion you must first
practise the meditation of equalization and equanimity, detaching oneself
from those people who are very close to you. Then, you must remove
negative feelings towards your enemies. All sentient beings should be
looked on as equal. On that basis, you can gradually develop genuine
compassion for all of them.
It must be said that genuine compassion is not like pity or a feeling that
others are somehow lower than you. Rather, with genuine compassion you
view others as more important than yourself.
In order to generate genuine compassion, first of all one must go through
the training of equanimity. This becomes very important because without a
sense of equanimity towards all, one’s feelings towards others will be
biased. So now I will give you a brief example of a Buddhist meditative
training on developing equanimity. You should think about, first, a small
group of people whom you know, such as your friends and relatives,
towards whom you have attachment. Second, you should think about some
people to whom you feel totally indifferent. And third, think about some
people whom you dislike.
Once you have imagined these different people, you should try to let your
mind go into its natural state and see how it would normally respond to an
encounter with these people. You will notice that your natural reaction
would be that of attachment towards your friends, that of dislike towards
the people whom you consider your enemies and that of total indifference
towards those whom you consider neutral. Then you should try to question
yourself.
You should compare the effects of the two opposing attitudes you have
towards your friends and your enemies, and see why you should have such
fluctuating states of mind towards these two different groups of people.
You should see what effects such reactions have on your mind and try to
see the futility of relating to them in such an extreme manner.
I have already discussed the pros and cons of harbouring hatred and
generating anger towards enemies, and I have also spoken a little about the
defects of being extremely attached towards friends and so on. You should
reflect upon this and then try to minimize your strong emotions towards
these two opposing groups of people. Then most importantly, you should
reflect on the fundamental equality between yourself and all other sentient
beings.
Just as you have the instinctive natural desire to be happy and overcome
suffering, so do all sentient beings; just as you have the right to fulful this
innate aspiration, so do all sentient beings. So on what exact grounds do
you discriminate?
If we look at humanity as a whole, we are social animals. Moreover, the
structures of the modern economy, education and so on, illustrate that the
world has become a smaller place and that we heavily depend on one
another. Under such circumstances, I think the only option is to live and
work together harmoniously and keep in our minds the interest of the
whole of humanity. That is the only outlook and way we must adopt for our
survival.
By nature, especially as a human being, my interests are not independent of
others. My happiness depends on others’ happiness. So when I see happy
people, automatically I also feel a little bit happier than when I see people
in a difficult situation. For example, when we see pictures on television
which show people starving in Somalia, including old people and young
children then we automatically feel sad, regardless of whether that sadness
can lead to some kind of active help or not.
In our daily lives we are now utilizing many good facilities, including
things like air-conditioned houses. All these things or facilities became
possible, not because of ourselves, but because of many other people’s
direct or indirect involvement. Everything comes together. It is impossible
to return to the way of life of a few centuries ago, when we depended on
simple instruments, not all these machines. It is very clear to us that the
facilities that we are enjoying now are the products of the activities of
many people.
Since we all have an equal right to be happy and since we are all linked to
one another, no matter how important an individual is, logically the interest
of the other five billion people on the planet is more important than that of
one single person. By thinking along these lines, you can eventually
develop a sense of global responsibility. Modern environmental problems,
such as depletion of the ozone layer, also clearly show us the need for
world co-operation. It seems that with development, the whole world has
become much smaller, but the human consciousness is still lagging behind.
A wider or more altruistic attitude is very relevant in today’s world. If we
look at the situation from various angles, such as the complexity and inter-
connectedness of the nature of modern existence, then we will gradually
notice a change in our outlook, so that when we say ‘others’ and when we
think of others, we will no longer dismiss them as something that is
irrelevant to us. We will no longer feel indifferent.
If you think only of yourself, if you forget the rights and well-being of
others, or, worse still, if you exploit others, ultimately you will lose. You
will have no friends who will show concern for your well-being. Moreover,
if a tragedy befalls you, instead of feeling concerned, others might even
secretly rejoice. By contrast, if an individual is compassionate and
altruistic, and has the interests of others in mind, then irrespective of
whether that person knows a lot of people, wherever that person moves, he
or she will immediately make friends. And when that person faces a
tragedy, there will be plenty of people who will come to help.
A true friendship develops on the basis of human affection, not money or
power. Of course, due to your power or wealth, more people may approach
you with big smiles or gifts. But deep down these are not real friends of
yours; these are friends of your wealth or power. As long as your fortune
remains, then these people will often approach you. But when your
fortunes decline, they will no longer be there. With this type of friend,
nobody will make a sincere effort to help you if you need it. That is the
reality.
Genuine human friendship is on the basis of human affection, irrespective
of your position. Therefore, the more you show concern about the welfare
and rights of others, the more you are a genuine friend. The more you
remain open and sincere, then ultimately more benefits will come to you. If
you forget or do not bother about others, then eventually you will lose your
own benefit.
There are various positive side effects of enhancing one’s feeling of
compassion. One of them is that the greater the force of your compassion,
the greater your resilience in confronting hardships and your ability to
transform them into more positive conditions.
One form of practice that seems to be quite effective in enhancing
compassion is found in A Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life, a classic
Buddhist text. In this practice you visualize your old self, the embodiment
of self-centredness, selfishness and so on, and then visualize a group of
people who represent the masses of other sentient beings. Then you adopt a
third person’s point of view as a neutral, unbiased observer and make a
comparative assessment of the value, the interests and then the importance
of these two groups. You will naturally begin to feel more inclined towards
the countless others.
I also think that the greater the force of your altruistic attitude towards
sentient beings, the more courageous you become. The greater your
courage, the less you feel prone to discouragement and loss of hope.
Therefore, compassion is also a source of inner strength.
With increased inner strength it is possible to develop firm determination
and with determination there is a greater chance of success, no matter what
obstacles there may be. On the other hand, if you feel hesitation, fear and
lack of self-confidence, then often you will develop a pessimistic attitude. I
consider that to be the real seed of failure. Therefore, even in the
conventional sense, compassion is very important for a successful future.
Having reflected upon the faults of a self-centred way of thinking and life,
and also having reflected upon the positive consequences of being mindful
of the well-being of other sentient beings and working for their benefit, and
being convinced of this, then in Buddhist meditation there is a special
training which is known as ‘the practice of Giving and Taking’. Using
visualization, it basically involves taking upon yourself all the suffering
pain, negativity and undesirable experiences of other sentient beings.
You imagine taking this suffering upon yourself and then giving away or
sharing with others your own positive qualities, such as your virtuous
states of mind, your positive energy, your wealth, your happiness and so
forth. Such a form of training, psychologically brings about a
transformation in your mind so effectively that your feeling of love and
compassion is much more enhanced.
One thing you should remember is that mental transformations take time
and are not easy. I think some people from the West, where technology is
so good, think that everything is automatic. You should not expect this
spiritual transformation to take place within a short period; that is
impossible. Keep it in your mind and make a constant effort, then after 1
year, 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, you will eventually find some change. I
still sometimes find it very difficult to practice these things. However, I
really do believe that these practices are extremely useful.
My favourite quotation from Shantideva’s book is: ‘As long as space
endures, as long as sentient beings remain, until then, may I too remain and
dispel the miseries of the world.’
 COPYRIGHT

Thorsons
An Imprint of HarperCollinsPublisher
77–85 Fulham Palace Road,
Hammersmith. London W6 8JB

The website address is: www.thorsonselement.com Published by Thorsons 1999

26 25 24 23 22

© His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama 1995

His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work Buddha
motif by Rochelle Green

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the
required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of
this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled,
reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form
or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express
written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

EPub Edition © MAY 2012 ISBN 9780007388363

HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written
content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological
constraints in operation at the time of publication.
 ABOUT THE PUBLISHER

Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com.au

Canada
HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor Street East – 20th Floor
Toronto, ON, M4W 1A8, Canada
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.ca

New Zealand
HarperCollinsPublishers (New Zealand) Limited
P.O. Box 1 Auckland,
New Zealand
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.nz

United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
77–85 Fulham Palace Road
London, W6 8JB, UK
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.uk

United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
10 East 53rd Street
New York, NY 10022
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com