Order Of Nine Angles Subculture: A Complete Guide

Introduction: Omega9Alpha Subculture

Drecc, Niner, Rounwytha, Hebdomadary

As explained in the "Introduction: Omega9Alpha Subculture", this work contains all the texts
necessary to understand the subculture known as the 'Order of Nine Angles', which texts,
listed below, are not only linked to from that Introduction but also explained there in the
context of O9A subculture.

The Sevenfold Seeking And Noesis Of The Hebdomian Way

Glossary of O9A Terms

Diary of an Internal Adept

ONA 1.0

°°°°°°°°°
 Introduction To Omega9Alpha Subculture

°°°

Definitions

While there has been some academic dispute in the past few decades about the precise
definition of the terms culture and subculture, acceptable working definitions of the terms
are:

° A culture is a particular expression of certain values and beliefs often manifest in art,
literature, music, formal associations, families, social and religious practices, myths, and
personal behaviour.

° A subculture is a variant of a culture which distinguishes itself or is distinguished by others

by particular and recognizable alternative norms, values, beliefs, practices, informal
associations, or by a rejection of certain established cultural norms, practices, behaviour and
values. Subcultures often develop their own
terms - a language or slang - to express their feelings, and/or their activities, and/or their
ideas and practices.

In regard to the Order of Nine Angles - Omega9Alpha, ω9α, O9A, ONA - it is defined as:

° The esoteric/Occult philosophy developed by the pseudonymous 'Anton Long' between 1976
and 2012 as described in texts authored by him published between those dates.

An esoteric philosophy is a philosophy that describes, or seeks to describe, the hidden or inner
- the esoteric - nature of Being and of beings including we human beings. An axiom of ω9α
philosophy, in common with many esoteric philosophies, is that the inner nature of Being and
of beings can be apprehended, or represented, by a particular symbolism or by various
symbolisms and also by the relationships between symbols, for such esoteric philosophies are
based on the Aristotelian principle that existence/reality is a reasoned order capable of being
rationally understood, with many esoteric philosophies also positing – as the ancient Greeks
did, as Hellenic hermeticism did, and as ω9α philosophy does – that this reasoned order
(κόσμος) has an ordered structure and that human beings, by virtue of
possessing the faculty of reason, are - in their natural state of physis (φύσις) or fitrah - an
eikon (εἰκὼν) of that ordered structure. {1}

The symbolism of ω9α philosophy is - as described in the Poemander/Poemandres tractate of

the Corpus Hermeticum {2} and in many Renaissance alchemical texts - the ancient one of
seven spheres (ἑβδομάς) and of a hermetic quest (ἄνοδος) by the individual from the first,
lower, sphere to the seventh, higher, sphere.

The symbolism used in ω9α philosophy {3} and its practical modern ἄνοδος is that of The Star
Game. {4}

Omega9Alpha Subculture: Drecc, Niner, Rounwytha, Hebdomadary

In terms of subculture, 'being ω9α/O9A' means adopting or being inspired or influenced by

ω9α philosophy and/or following one of the three practical ways which manifest - presence -
that philosophy as ways of living or as a lifestyle. These three ways are: The Seven Fold Way,
the way of the Rounwytha, the way of the Drecc/Niner.

Dreccs and Niners generally do not concern themselves with ω9α philosophy. For the Drecc/
Niner it is their exeatic, {5} antinomian, life and the O9A code of kindred honour {6} which
defines and marks them and by means of which they presence, live, an ω9α lifestyle. The
antinomian lifestyle of a Drecc can be but often is not overtly Satanic or overtly O9A: more
often it is political and/or gang-related, and can involve forming or being part of a gang in a
particular neighbourhood, urban or otherwise; or forming or being part of a political group,
heretical, subversive, or otherwise. For the Niner, the lifestyle is or can involve living and
acting as a 'lone wolf' activist, political, or Satanic, or anarchist, or nihilist, or otherwise.

The Seven Fold Way involves an individual or a partnership undertaking a difficult hermetic
quest, an ἄνοδος, either overtly Occult - as for example described in the Naos manuscript {7}
{8} - or based on a non-Occult seeking as described in the text 'The Sevenfold Seeking And
Noesis Of The Hebdomian Way' {9}. Those on such a quest, often called the Hebdomadary
(singular) or Hebdomadarians (plural) generally concern themselves with their quest, their
interior life, their partnership, and family, above and beyond the dialectical machinations of
the external world such as those of politics.

The Way of the Rounwytha is that of the rural mystic the majority of whom are women who
mostly live alone or with a female partner. They live in symbiosis with Nature with no concern
for or interest in anything beyond their locality. Some may aid, if aid is individually sought,
local folk through traditional means such as advice and healing. The Rounwytha Way is
outlined in Appendix III.

The recognizable alternatives of ω9α subculture include but are not limited to the following:

° Alternative informal associations: independent nexions.

° Alternative beliefs: rejection of multiculturalism, capitalism, the nation-State; celebration of

one's own ancestral folk culture.

° Alternative values: code of kindred honour.

° Rejected established cultural norms: the Magian ethos manifest in, but not limited to,
patriarchy and religions such as Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.

The Language Of Omega9Alpha Subculture

As a subculture, the ω9α has a host of 'insider' terms with specific meanings, including:
nexion, presenced, acausal, Sinister Dialectic, Vindex, Balobian, opfer, mundane, and Magian.
Many of the terms - but not all - are explained in Glossary of O9A Terms {10}.

Kerri Scott
March 2022 ev
v. 1.05

Some parts of this text are taken with permission from other works dealing with the O9A and the
hebdomian way.

°°°

{1} Cf. tractate VIII, v.2, of the Corpus Hermeticum: κόσμον δὲ θείου σώματος κατέπεμψε τὸν
ἄνθρωπον [a cosmos of the divine body sent down as human beings]. Qv. D. Myatt, Corpus
Hermeticum, Eight Tractates. 2017, ISBN 978-1976452369

{2} D. Myatt, op.cit.

{3} Omega9Alpha philosophy is outlined in Appendix I.

{4} The Star Game is described in detail in The Sevenfold Seeking And Noesis Of The
Hebdomian Way

{5} Exeatic is defined in the Glossary of O9A Terms as:

"To go beyond and transgress the limits imposed and prescribed by mundanes,
and by the systems which reflect or which manifest the ethos of mundanes - for
example, governments, and the laws of what has been termed society."

{6} The code of kindred honour is given in Appendix II.

{7} Naos is included in ONA 1.0

{8} An important aspect of the Seven Fold Way is the challenging Rite of Internal Adept -
outlined in the Naos MS - which involves 'wild-camping' in a wilderness area for at least three
months. The Diary of an Internal Adept provides an insight into the physical and emotional
challenges.

{9} The Sevenfold Seeking And Noesis Of The Hebdomian Way

{10} Glossary of O9A Terms

Appendix I

Omega9Alpha Philosophy

i) Ontology

It is postulated that the Cosmos has both causal and acausal aspects, or "universes". The
causal aspect of the Cosmos - the causal continuum or universe - is the physical, phenomenal
universe of a causal metric currently designated by the term four-dimensional Space-Time.
This is the realm of causal energy and of experimental sciences such as Physics, Astronomy,
Chemistry, and Biology, and the realm where we have our physical being. It is the universe of
a linear Time and of the causality of past-present-future currently conventionally measured in
terms of the passing of seconds, minutes, hours, days, and years.

The acausal aspect of the Cosmos - the acausal continuum or universe - is the realm of
acausal energy and of an n-dimensional acausal continuum (where n is > 3 but ≤ ∞) of
acausal Space and acausal Time. A living being such as ourselves is where acausal energy is
presenced in the causal, with our psyche an expression of that acausality with aspects of that
acausality conceptualized by us as archetypes, where an archetype is defined as a particular
causal presencing of a certain acausal energy and is thus akin to a type of acausal living being
in the causal and thus "in the psyche": it is born, its lives, and then it "dies" or changes, that
is, its acausal energy ceases to be manifest in the causal or assumes another form.

ii) Epistemology

There are two types of knowledge depending on the object or objects of perception. Causal
knowledge is of Phainómenon, of causality, and is the knowledge derived from the physical
senses, from the experimental sciences, through reason, scholarly learning, learning from
practical experience (pathei-mathos, πάθει-μάθος) and such things as conventional philosophy.

Acausal knowing is of acausality and its interaction with the causal and thus of such
occurrences or manifestations as archetypes, mythos, mythoi, foreseeing, intuition,
synchronicity, empathy, the supernatural, and pathei-mathos.

In regard to ω9α, acausal knowing is also considered to be attainable through a hermetic

quest, an ἄνοδος, such as the Seven Fold Way.

iii) Ethics

The fundamental principles are πάθει-μάθος, καλὸς-κἀγαθός, and kindred honour. That is,
what is ethical - "good" - can be personally discovered through a combination of the following:
(i) πάθει-μάθος, a learning from practical experience and from overcoming challenges, (ii)
observed or deduced from καλὸς-κἀγαθός - the beautiful, the honourable, arête - and (iii)
presenced through a code of kindred honour.

A basic axiom of ω9α philosophy is that by adhering to these principles while undertaking a
personal endeavour or quest such as the Seven Fold Way the individual can discover Lapis
Philosophicus.

Appendix II

Code Of Kindred Honour

Those who are not our kindred brothers or sisters are mundanes. Those who are our brothers
and sisters live by – and are prepared to die by – our unique code of honour.

Our Kindred-Honour means we are fiercely loyal to only our own O9A kind. Our Kindred-
Honour means we are wary of, and do not trust – and often despise – all those who are not
like us, especially mundanes.

Our duty – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – is to be ready, willing, and
able to defend ourselves, in any situation, and to be prepared to use lethal force to so defend
ourselves.

Our duty – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – is to be loyal to, and to
defend, our own kind: to do our duty, even unto death, to those of our brothers and sisters to
whom we have sworn a personal oath of loyalty.

Our obligation – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – is to seek revenge, if
necessary unto death, against anyone who acts dishonourably toward us, or who acts
dishonourably toward those to whom we have sworn a personal oath of loyalty.

Our obligation – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – is to never willingly
submit to any mundane; to die lighting rather than surrender to them; to die rather (if
necessary by our own hand) than allow ourselves to be dishonourably humiliated by them. Our
obligation – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – is to never trust any oath
or any pledge of loyalty given, or any promise made, by any mundane, and to be wary and
suspicious of them at all times.

Our duty – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – is to settle our serious
disputes, among ourselves, by either trial by combat, or by a duel involving deadly weapons;
and to challenge to a duel anyone – mundane, or one of our own kind – who impugns our
kindred honour or who makes mundane accusations against us.

Our duty – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – is to settle our non-serious
disputes, among ourselves, by having a man or woman from among us (a brother or sister
who is highly esteemed because of their honourable deeds), arbitrate and decide the matter
for us, and to accept without question, and to abide by, their decision, because of the respect
we have accorded them as arbitrator Our duty – as kindred individuals who live by the Code of
Kindred- Honour – is to always keep our word to our own kind, once we have given our word
on our kindred honour, for to break one's word among our own kind is a cowardly, a
mundane, act.

Our duty – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – is to act with kindred
honour in all our dealings with our own kindred kind.

Our obligation – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – is to marry only
those from our own kind, who thus, like us, live by our Code and are prepared to die to save
their Kindred-Honour and that of their brothers and sisters.

Our duty – as individuals who live by the Code of Kindred-Honour – means that an oath of
kindred loyalty or allegiance, once sworn by a man or woman of kindred honour ("I swear on
my Kindred-Honour that I shall...") can only be ended either: (i) by the man or woman of
kindred honour formally asking the person to whom the oath was sworn to release them from
that oath, and that person agreeing so to release them; or (ii) by the death of the person to
whom the oath was sworn. Anything else is unworthy of us, and the act of a mundane.
 Appendix III

The Rounwytha Way

The Rounwytha Way is the most neglected part of the Order of Nine Angles (O9A/ONA)
weltanschauung, with such neglect contributing to the basal misunderstanding of the O9A
itself that exists not only among self-professed modern occultists and satanists but also among
academics interested in or researching what is often termed modern esotericism.

The Rounwytha Way – also known as 'the rouning' – is an aural pagan esoteric tradition,
indigenous to a particular rural area of the British isles, of a few empaths (most of whom were
and are women) for whom there are no teachings, no dogma, no rituals, no spells, no
conjurations, no incantations, no abstract determinate seasons and no unnatural division
between 'us', as mortals, and Nature and 'the heavens' beyond; evident as such an unnatural
division is in positing, and then naming, separate divinities and supernatural beings. There are
therefore no gods, no god, and no goddess; no 'demons' or named 'familiars'. Instead, there is
a very individual and always wordless awareness, an intuitive apprehension, arising from a
natural gift (a natural talent) or from that faculty of empathy that can be cultivated –
according to tradition – by a person undertaking to live alone in the wilderness for around six
months and then, some years later, undertaking to live alone for a lunar month in a darkened
cave or some subterranean location {1}.

In essence, the Rounwytha Way is a manifestation – a presencing – of the muliebral,

especially the 'acausal knowing' that arises from empathy with Nature and 'the heavens'. As
Myatt has explained in respect of the muliebral:

"What is muliebral cannot be embodied in some organization or movement, or in

some -ism, or in any causal form – and certainly cannot be expressed via the
medium of words, whether spoken or written – without changing it, distorting it,
from what it is into some-thing else. For the muliebral by its very φύσις is
personal, individual, in nature and only presenced in the immediacy-of-the-
moment, and thus cannot be the object of a supra-personal aspiration and thus
should not be 'idealized' or even be the subject of an endeavour to express it in
some principles or principles (political or otherwise), or by some axiom or axioms,
or by some dogma. For all such things – forms and words included – are
manifestations, a presencing, of what is, in φύσις, masculous and temporal. Or,
expressed more simply, the muliebral presences and manifests what is a-causal –
what, in the past, has often inclined us to appreciate the numinous – while the
 masculous presences and manifests what is causal, temporal, and what in the
past has often inclined us toward hubris and being egoistic." {2}

The Rounwytha Way also re-presents that personal perceiveration that an individual pursuing
a life-long mystical quest, such as The Seven Fold Way, may discover beyond The Abyss:

"The wisdom acquired, the finding of lapis philosophicus during the penultimate
stage of the Way – means two particular things, and always has done. (i) living
'in propria persona', in a private manner and sans all posing, all rhetoric, all
pomposity, all ideations; and (ii) having an appreciation, an awareness (sans
words, ritual, thought) of what is now sometimes known as the acausal – of
Nature, the Cosmos, of the connexions that bind life and thus of the illusion that
is the individual will, and which illusion sillily causes a person to believe 'they' are
or can be 'in control'. These two things form the basis of a particular and
reclusive way of life of a particular type of person: the type known, in one
locality, as the rounerer of The Rouning." {3}

This personal perceiveration is of the nameless, wordless, unity beyond our mortal, abstract,
ideations of 'sinister' and 'numinous', of Left Hand Path and Right Hand Path, and also – and
importantly – of 'time'. For it is our ideation of 'time' – with its assumption of a possible
temporal progression, via various temporary causal forms, toward something 'better' or more
'advanced' or more 'perfect' (in personal or supra-personal terms) – that underlies the magian/
patriarchal/masculous approach that has dominated, and still dominates, Western occultism
and esotericism in general, fundamental to which is a hubriatic egoism: "the illusion that is the
individual will".

Aspects of the abyssal perceiveration – of the apprehension discovered by someone reborn

beyond The Abyss – are (i) the need to balance the masculous with the muliebral; (ii) 'the
aeonic perspective'; (iii) the importance of esoteric languages (manifest, by the O9A, in
Esoteric Chant and The Star Game); and (iv) aeonic sorcery.

The aeonic perspective, for instance, provides an understanding of aeonic sorcery:

(i) Of the limitation – and the 'mortality' – of all causal forms and why, in respect of certain
aeonic goals, it is (α) the cumulative decades and centuries long alchemical (inner) change of
individuals individually (via pathei-mathos), and (β) mythoi, and (γ) 'numinous symbols', which
are of primary importance. For it is such things which presence, over long durations of causal
'time', that acausal energy which is the genesis of a genuine evolution, of those changes that
endure beyond each mortal and beyond all collocations of mortals (corralled, for example, via
'empires', States, nations, ideologies, or by some leader or by some cause or political party).

(ii) Of why and how each human being – each mortal – is but a nexion and thus can, via
esoteric mimesis, restore or alter (in particular ways) what others may have, through causal
forms or via their living, temporarily changed.

°°°

{1} The traditional Rounwytha rite is given below.

{2} Some Questions For DWM. e-text, 2014.

{3} Anton Long, The Enigmatic Truth. e-text, December 2011 CE. The term 'in propria
persona' […] has a long literary and scholarly usage beyond its more recent legal connotations
(legal connotations which someone searching the internet will find and assume describe the
meaning of the term). The literary and scholarly usage includes the sense of someone
speaking 'in propria persona', as opposed (for example) to 'the passive voice'. Thus, someone
living 'in propria persona' would suggest something to the intelligentsia, as the above
quotation would.

°°°°°

The Rounwytha Rite

The traditional Rite begins at the first full moon following the beginning of a propitious
alchemical season – in the Isles of Britain this was traditionally the first rising of Arcturus in
the Autumn. The Rite, if successful, concludes on the night of the following full moon.

The Rite ideally occurs in an isolated underground cavern where or near to where water flows,
and in which location the candidate dwells alone for the whole lunar month, taking with them
all that is required for the duration of the Rite. Ideally, the water should be suitable for
drinking. If such an underground cavern cannot be found, then a suitable alternative is an
isolated dark cave – with, if necessary, its entrance suitably screened to avoid an ingress of
light.

The only light is from candles (housed in a lantern) and the only food is bread and cheese.
The food and/or the water required for the duration can be either brought by the candidate at
the beginning of the Rite, or provided and left (without any contact being made) on a weekly
basis by a chosen member of their family kindred or by their mentor if they have one. [In
modern times, certain stipulations have been added: No means of communication with the
outside world should be brought; no timepiece, mechanical or otherwise, is allowed; and no
modern means of reproducing music or any other means of personal entertainment are
allowed.]

The candidate should arrange for a trusted person to enter the cavern at the next full moon to
return them to the world of living mortals.

The traditional Rounwytha rite has no structure, and simply involves the candidate living alone
in such a location for a lunar month.

This work is in the Public Domain.

No copyright
 The Sevenfold Seeking And Noesis Of The Hebdomian Way

°°°

I. The Sevenfold Seeking.

II. Noesis And The Star Game.
III. The Noetic Star Game.
   The Moves.
   Initial Placement.
   The Objective.
IV. The Seven Stages.
   The Overcoming.
   The Tasks.
Footnotes.

Seven Oxonians
March 2022 ev

Image Credit:
The Horae (ὧραι)
Attic red-figure vase, c. 500-450 BCE
Antikensammlung, Berlin

°°°

I. The Sevenfold Seeking

The Hebdomian Way is a modern hermetic ἐπιστήμη, épistémé: a means to change the φύσις, physis - the
character/nature/perception - of an individual by practical means involving a seeking or quest; which seeking derives
from ancient hermeticism and which practical means, as the term hebdomian implies, involves seven stages with the
goal being the discovery of wisdom understood in hermetic terms as a balanced, rational, personal judgement and a
particular knowledge of a paganus kind concerning livings beings, human nature, Nature, the Cosmic Order (κόσμος)
and our connexion to such emanations of what has been variously termed Being, The-Unity, The One-The Only (τὸ ἓν),
and The Monas (μονάς).

This sevenfold seeking (ἄνοδος) for wisdom - to "learn what is real, to apprehend the physis of beings, and to have
knowledge of the theos", Μαθεῖν θέλω τὰ ὄντα καὶ νοῆσαι τὴν τούτων φύσιν καὶ γνῶναι τὸν θεόν - has been described
and written about, in the cultures of European lands, for around two thousand years beginning with the text of the
Ποιμάνδρης (Poemandres) tractate of the Corpus Hermeticum written between c.100 and c.230 ev from which the
foregoing quotation is taken, with ὁ θεός, the theos, variously understood over the centuries: from the pagan the
divinity, the chief /divinity/god such as Zeus in ancient Greek mythoi; to the μονὰς and the τὸ ἓν (Monas and The One-
The Only) of Hermeticism, of the Gnostics, and of some alchemists of Renaissance Europe; to the monotheistic
God/Allah of Christian and Muslim theologists and other alchemists; to more modern non-theological interpretations as
Being, the source of beings. {1}

The sevenfold manner of this seeking, this anados through the seven spheres of the 'harmonious, ordered, structure',
{2} is described in the Poemandres tractate in the following terms:
 καὶ οὕτως ὁρμᾷ λοιπὸν ἄνω διὰ τῆς ἁρμονίας, καὶ τῇ πρώτῃ ζώνῃ δίδωσι τὴν αὐξητικὴν ἐνέργειαν καὶ τὴν
μειωτικήν, καὶ τῇ δευτέρᾳ τὴν μηχανὴν τῶν κακῶν, δόλον ἀνενέργητον, καὶ τῇ τρίτῃ τὴν ἐπιθυμητικὴν
ἀπάτην ἀνενέργητον, καὶ τῇ τετάρτῃ τὴν ἀρχοντικὴν προφανίαν ἀπλεονέκτητον, καὶ τῇ πέμπτῃ τὸ θράσος
τὸ ἀνόσιον καὶ τῆς τόλμης τὴν προπέτειαν, καὶ τῇ ἕκτῃ τὰς ἀφορμὰς τὰς κακὰς τοῦ πλούτου ἀνενεργήτους,
καὶ τῇ ἑβδόμῃ ζώνῃ τὸ ἐνεδρεῦον ψεῦδος.

"Thus does the mortal hasten through the harmonious structure, offering up, in the first realm, that vigour
which grows and which fades, and - in the second one - those dishonourable machinations, no longer
functioning. In the third, that eagerness which deceives, no longer functioning; in the fourth, the arrogance of
command, no longer insatiable; in the fifth, profane insolence and reckless haste; in the sixth, the bad
inclinations occasioned by riches, no longer functioning; and in the seventh realm, the lies that lie in wait." 
Poemandres, v. 25, translated by D. Myatt {3}

Ερμόυ του Τρισμεγ́ ιστου Ποιμ́ ανδρης Ασκληπιόυ ́Οροι προς  ́Αμμονα Βασιλ́εα
1554 ev. pp.8-9

In modern terms, the human traits described as being 'offered up' (δίδωμι) during the sevenfold seeking are:

° 1. That vigour - enthusiasm - which grows and which fades.

° 2. Those dishonourable machinations.
° 3. That eagerness which deceives.
° 4. The arrogance of authority over others.
° 5. Profane insolence and reckless haste.
° 6. The bad inclinations occasioned by a comfortable life-style.
° 7. The lies that lie in wait.

What is noticeable is that in the Poemandres text the stages, the seven spheres of the harmonious structure, are not
assigned names (denotata) or designated by 'grades' or associated with the seven classical planets Moon, Mercury,
Venus, Sun, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn. {4} Such associations were later developments as was this sevenfold seeking for
wisdom being described as the quest for Lapis Philosophicus understood as the attainment by an individual of wisdom.
{4}

Such an association with those named planets inevitably, given the nature of gnosticism, hermeticism, and alchemy,
led over the centuries - as Evola noted {5} - to diverse arrangements for their order.

One such arrangement was:

 Azoth Sive Aureliae Occultae Philosophorum, 1613 ev. p. 57

Another, depicted as a living tree and on the title page, was:

Azoth Sive Aureliae Occultae Philosophorum, 1613 ev. 

One of the oldest illustrated arrangements, so far discovered, is that given in the Arabic text Ghayat al-hakim dating
from c.1050 ev where the named spheres are in the order (if read from right to left) Saturn-Jupiter-Mars-Sun-Venus-
Mercury-Moon:
Furthermore, Cicero in Book VI of his De Re Publica - a section commonly known as Somnium Scipionis - written at least
a century before the text of the Poemandres tractate and over a thousand years before Ghayat al-hakim, mentions the
seven spheres in the following order: Saturn-Jupiter-Mars-Sun-Venus-Mercury-Moon. Which is a descending order from
the supreme deity to the embedded constant stars to the seven spheres below them. {6}

Which descending arrangement is reversed in many Renaissance texts including the following which helpfully numbers
them from 1-7:

Azoth Sive Aureliae Occultae Philosophorum, 1613 ev. p. 66

In his 1564 (ev) work Monas Hieroglyphica John Dee provides another sequence:
 Monas Hieroglyphica, 1564 ev

A later work (1682 ev) provides two sequences both with the Sun at the centre:

Jakob Böhme, De Signatura Rerum, 1682 ev .p.252

Such association of the seven spheres of the ἄνοδος with the seven classical planets also led to often varying tables of
correspondences giving what were assumed or believed to be the attributes or the qualities or the nature of each
sphere, with for example the sphere of Saturn attributed in one work to the metal Lead, the alchemical stage of
Putrefaction, and the constellation Capricorn:
 Theatrum chemicum, praecipuos selectorum auctorum tractatus
de chemiae et lapidis philosophici antiquitate, Volumen secundum. 1659 ev. p.10

°°°

II. Noesis And The Star Game

One esoteric and important feature of The Hebdomian Way is that the seven stages although in a particular sequence
are named only initially and purely for convenience and have no correspondences or any attributes associated with
them - mythological, alchemical, astronomical, philosophical, psychological, Occult, or otherwise - save for those
personal qualities associated with a particular stage or sphere in the Poemandres tractate. That is, The Hebdomian
Way returns to the primary hermetic source since the essence of that Way is changing the individual through pathei-
mathos - πάθει μάθος, the personal learning or discovery resulting from practical experiences and challenges - with
everything external or internal to this considered as unnecessary, unhelpful, and distractive.

The sequence of The Hebdomian Way is the Ciceronian and ancient one of Moon-Mercury-Venus-Sun-Mars-Jupiter-
Saturn although as was often done in medieval and Renaissance times in Europe this particular order could be and
often was inverted, as Evola mentions:

Evola, op.cit., p.172

In the practical and uncomplicated Hebdomian Way such a reversal has no significance, for what is significant is the
pathei-mathos which could 'offer up' the trait of a particular stage howsoever that stage is named or not-named.

Which is why the noetic version of The Star Game (see section III) can be used as an experiencing and understanding
of the Hebdomad and the sevenfold seeking, sans denotata, thus betaking the individual beyond the unnecessary need
for both a dialectic of opposites and the exegesis of the written word, an exegesis evident for example in the various
and varying translations/interpretations of the tractates of the Corpus Hermeticum. Which personal and noetic
experiencing and understanding of the Hebdomad and the sevenfold seeking forms a necessary part of the pathei-
mathos of the first stage of the Hebdomian Way, with noesis understood as a silent, contemplative, way of knowing
and 'thinking' as intimated in the enigmatic tractate XIII of the Corpus Hermeticum:

i) σοφία νοερὰ ἐν σιγῇ

noetic sapientia is in silence. (v.2)

ii) νοερῶς ἔγνως σεαυτὸν

Through noesis you have obtained knowledge about yourself. (v.22)

Of which translation Myatt writes {7} in his commentary:

2. noetic sapientia. For a variety of reasons, I have used the term noetic sapientia to denote σοφία νοερὰ.

i) The metaphysical terms νοῦς νοερός, νοῦς οὐσιώδης, and νοῦς ζωτικός occur in Proclus, qv. Procli
Diadochi In Platonis Timaeum Commentari, Volume 5, Book 4, 245-247; Procli in Platonis Parmenidem
Commentaria, II 733 and IV 887. Interestingly, Proclus associates νοερός with the three 'septenary planets'
Mercury, Venus, and the Sun.

Here, σοφία νοερὰ may well suggest a particular hermetic principle which requires contextual interpretation.

ii) As noted in my commentary on Poemandres 29 - where I used the Latin sapientia in respect of σοφία - in
some contexts the English word 'wisdom' does not fully reflect the meaning (and the various shades) of
σοφία, especially in a metaphysical (or esoteric) context given what the English term 'wisdom' now, in
common usage and otherwise, often denotes. As in the Poemandres tractate sapientia (for σοφία) requires
contextual - a philosophical - interpretation, as Sophia (for σοφία) does in tractate XI where it is there
suggestive, as with Aion, Kronos, and Kosmos, of a personified metaphysical principle.

iii) In respect of νοερός, the English word 'intellectual' has too many irrelevant modern connotations, with
phrases such as 'intellectual wisdom' and 'the wisdom that understands' - for σοφία νοερὰ - unhelpful
regarding suggesting a relevant philosophical meaning. Hence the use of the term 'noetic' which suggests a
particular type of apprehension - a perceiveration - whereby certain knowledge and a particular
understanding can be ascertained.

Thus, noetic sapientia implies that the knowledge and understanding that is noetically acquired transcends -
or at least is different from - that acquired both (a) through observation of and deductions concerning
phenomena and (b) through the use of <denotata> whereby beings are given 'names' and assigned to
abstractive categories with such naming and such categories assumed to provide knowledge and
understanding of the physis of those beings. [In respect of physis, qv. the comment on φύσεως μιᾶς in
section 12.]

In addition, given what follows - ἐν σιγῇ, 'in silence' - such knowledge and understanding does not require
nor depend upon words whether they be spoken or written or thought. Hence, the 'source' of mortals is in,
can be known and understood through, the silence of noetic sapientia.

°°°

III. The Noetic Star Game

The noetic Star Game is the use of The Star Game as either (i) a type of silent contemplative meditation by one person
who plays one side - the 'white pieces' - against the other side - the 'black pieces' - with an objective determined
beforehand, or (ii) against a partner, as in chess, again with an objective determined beforehand.

In both instances the game can be useful in developing an insight into the hebdomad and such matters as the flow and
transformation - unfolding, and loss - of beings (symbolised by the pieces) through causality and otherwise; and how
symbols as in mathematics and symbolic logic can enable diverse and sometimes new connections to be perceived,
sans denotata.

The Star Game itself is a three-dimensional seven-board game developed by David Myatt in 1975 with the seven
boards, each board of nine white and nine black squares, placed in a spiral one above the other, representing the
hermetic hebdomad, and named after the stars Naos, Deneb, Rigel, Mira, Antares, Arcturus, and Sirius.
The pieces are designated by symbols and which symbols can be of two types: purely symbolic using a combination of
Greek letters or alchemical using alchemical sigils. Each side - or player - as in chess has a set of either white pieces or
black pieces, with each player having 27 pieces consisting of three sets of nine combinations. In terms of Greek letters
the nine pieces for each player are:

α(α) α(β) α(γ) β(α) β(β) β(γ) γ(α) γ(β) γ(γ)

Each piece is thus marked with the appropriate symbol - for example α(α) - with each piece allowed to move across a
board, or up or down from board to board, according to its type. Only a some type of piece can capture other opposing
pieces, and a captured piece is removed from the boards and plays no further part in the game. The basic rule of play
is that after a piece has been moved – whether across a board or from one board to a higher or lower board – it is
transformed into another piece according to a set sequence and then can be moved according to its new designation.
Another rule is that pieces can only stay on the Mira board for three moves: once placed on Mira, the player has three
moves before it must be moved to another board. Thus, if a α(α) piece is on Mira it cannot escape since it can only
move across the board in which case the piece is forfeited and removed from the game.

The set sequence, for symbolic Greek pieces, is:

Thus, a α(α) piece when it is moved becomes a α(β) piece; α(β) becomes α(γ) and so on. When a γ(γ) piece is moved it
reverts to being a α(α) piece.

In terms of alchemical sigils, the pieces are:

Alchemical Mercury, Alchemical Salt, Alchemical Sulphur

and the sequence is:

It is for each individual to decide which type of symbolism to use, with the alchemical one and the boards of The Star
Game illustrated in the following image:
 Image 1
The Star Game

The image shows how the pieces are often constructed: as cubes (of wood or other material) with the sides painted
with symbols in sequence. Thus, on the six faces of one cube its faces/sides would be marked α(α) α(β) α(γ) β(α) β(β)
β(γ). In use, the symbol on the top of the cube – for example α(α) – is the 'active' symbol, and designates the type of
piece. When this α(α) piece is moved, it becomes α(β) with the cube turned so that the α(β) symbol is at the top. On its
next move, this α(β) piece would be transformed into α(γ) and the cube turned again so that the α(γ) symbol was at
the top. This method of marking pieces also means that each player has to make extra (spare) pieces.

At the start of the game, each player has six particular pieces on Sirius, three pieces on Arcturus, six pieces on
Antares, three on Rigel, six on Deneb, three on Naos, and none on Mira. As in other board games, the players take
turns to make their moves.

The Moves

After a piece has been moved and changed to the one next in sequence it moves according to the type of piece it has
become. Thus, α(γ) becomes β(α) and moves according to the rules for a β piece.

° The α pieces - α(α) α(β) α(γ) - can move only across the board they are on to any vacant square.
° The β pieces - β(α) β(β) β(γ) - can move across the board they are already on to any vacant square, and up, or down,
one level - for example, from Arcturus up to Antares, or down to Sirius.

° The γ pieces can move to any (vacant) square on any board and a γ(γ) piece can capture any opposing piece on any
square on any board, with the captured piece removed from the board and playing no further part. Once moved the
γ(γ) becomes α(α) and as an α piece can only move across the board it has landed on.

The player or players decide before the start whether or not to allow a rule variation that increases the difficulty of the
game: that pieces on Naos cannot be captured by a γ(γ) piece.

Initial Placement

The initial placings are as follows:

° Six pieces are placed on Sirius - two sets of alpha pieces - for white, and six for black as in Figure 1.

Sirius

°°°
° Arcturus has three pieces for white and three for black, as in Figure 2:
 Arcturus

°°°

° Antares has six pieces for white and six for black - two sets of beta pieces, placed exactly as the pieces on the Sirius
board.

° Mira has no pieces on it at the start.

° Rigel has the three remaining pieces (for each player) of the beta sets, placed as the alpha pieces on Arcturus.

° Deneb has six pieces of white and six of black from the gamma set, placed as the alpha set on Sirius.

° Naos has the three remaining pieces of the gamma set, placed the same as the alpha sets of Arcturus.

The Objective

The objective is flexible and decided by the player or players before the game. The standard objective is to place three
particular pieces on certain squares on Mira, with the type of these pieces and their placing on that board decided
beforehand. One such placement is,
where the sub-script λ indicates the winning position for the player of the white pieces, with the three other pieces the
winning position for the player of the black pieces. The first to so place such pieces, wins the game.

The player or players can also decide beforehand to waive the rule that allows pieces to only stay on the Mira board for
three moves.

°°°

IV. The Seven Stages

The Overcoming

° 1. That vigour - enthusiasm - which grows and which fades.

° 2. Those dishonourable machinations.
° 3. That eagerness which deceives.
° 4. The arrogance of authority over others.
° 5. Profane insolence and reckless haste.
° 6. The bad inclinations occasioned by a comfortable life-style.
° 7. The lies that lie in wait.

Thus, and as an example, the second stage is the 'offering up' - the overcoming - of "dishonourable machinations" with
the pathei-mathos involved a series of physical challenges, detailed below, which for many would be quite challenging
with those who, before beginning their seeking have achieved such challenges setting themselves greater challenges
and achieving them, such as instead of the suggested, for a man, training for and running a Marathon in four and a
half hours, running one in four hours or much less.

How does or how can the overcoming by the Hebdomadary - the seeker - of such physical challenges distance a person
from dishonourable machinations? Because practical experience over decades by a variety of persons has revealed
that the training can and should take months, is physically and mentally demanding and time-consuming, and
distances one metaphorically and often physically from a world where "dishonourable machinations" may be and
possibly have been personally advantageous to the seeker and probably known to have been used by others either
against the seeker or otherwise.
The Tasks

1.

Obtain copies of and read tractates I, III, IV, and XIII of The Corpus Hermeticum. The book containing the tractates
should have a scholarly commentary and if a translation is required at least two different versions should be obtained,
read and compared. {8} Afterwards, write an essay concerning your understanding of Hellenic Hermeticism. If an
individual unversed in the classics has a desire to do so they can learn Hellenistic Greek and undertake their own
translations. In understanding hermeticism the individual may find the study and use of the noetic Star Game helpful.

2.

For men, (a) walking thirty-two miles, in rural terrain, in less than seven hours while carrying a rucksack weighing at
least 30 pounds; (b) running 26 miles and 385 yards (a Marathon) in four and a half hours; (c) cycling two hundred or
more miles in twelve hours.

For women, (a) walking twenty-seven miles in under seven hours while carrying a rucksack weighing at least 15
pounds; (b) running 26 miles and 385 yards (a Marathon) in five hours; (c) cycling one hundred and seventy miles in
twelve hours.

Those who, before beginning their quest have already reached such standards should set themselves greater physical
challenges and achieve them.

3.

With an existing partner, or after finding a suitable partner willing to undertake the task with you, find a hill or
mountain in an isolated area - or a desert area miles from any human habitation - which affords an unobstructed night-
time view of the stars and wild-camp there for at least three days and nights.

4.

A living alone in an wilderness area, near water suitable for drinking, for a three month period taking with you all that
is required in a rucksack which you carry on your own back. You can either (i) build your own shelter from local
materials and find your own food by hunting, fishing, and gathering, or (ii) take a tent and sleeping bag and on a
monthly basis purchase and take back to your site such food supplies as may be needed from a locality situated at a
suitable walking distance, with around 10 miles being suggested.

During the task you should maintain your isolation and have no means of communication with the outside world, use
only candles (in a lantern) for illumination, have no means of measuring the passing of time (such as a watch) and no
means of reproducing music or any other form of entertainment.

The Hebdomadary should keep a handwritten journal to record their musings.

5. 

Write a full length novel of whatever genre, two of whose characters should be based on or inspired by either
contemporary or historical persons you find interesting or inspiring or have an empathy for or a dislike of. The novel
can also be based on your own life and/or experience and involve a locality and/or persons you know.

You should undertake the necessary contemporary or historical research in terms of plausible characters, scenarios,
dialogue and locations, and if necessary read several published contemporary or historical novels to ascertain for
yourself how various novelists structure their story, describe characters and events, and employ dialogue.

6.

The task begins at a full moon in Autumn and lasts seven days and nights and is to stay alone for that period in an
isolated underground cavern where or near to where drinkable water flows, taking all that is required for the duration
of the rite, including water if there is no drinkable water available, and food consisting of bread and cheese and, if you
so desire, a supply of wine or beer. If a such an underground cavern cannot be found, then a suitable alternative is an
isolated dark cave with, if necessary, its entrance suitably screened to avoid an ingress of light.

The only light is from candles (housed in a lantern) and no means of communication with the outside world, no
timepiece, mechanical or otherwise, and no modern means of reproducing music nor any other means of personal
entertainment should be brought.

The Hebdomadary should arrange for a trusted person or their partner or a family member to end their isolation after
seven days.

7.
The task involves the Hebdomadary - alone or with their partner - walking, in isolated terrain, a distance of at least 210
miles in 21 days carrying appropriate equipment for camping and supplies of food and water to last several days with
their route enabling them to find suitable sources of drinking water when necessary. Supplies of food, if dehydrated or
freeze-dried, should last as long as practicable, and then when necessary and possible food can be bought en route.
The journey is to end at or near a site which the Hebdomadary finds they have an empathy with or if accompanied by
their partner that they both have an empathy with. The Hebdomadary and/or their partner should keep a handwritten
diary of their journey.

°°°

Footnotes

{1} Being itself has been variously understood, through for example traditional metaphysics, through the ontology of
Martin Heidegger, and as the numinous/The Numen in Myatt's philosophy of pathei-mathos.

{2} As noted in our essay Julius Evola, The Seven Fold Way, And The Corpus Hermeticum,

An axiom of Greco-Roman (Hellenic) hermeticism is that the κόσμος is a reasoned order and has an ordered
structure which human beings, by virtue of possessing the faculty of reason, are - in their natural state of
physis (φύσις) or fitrah - an eikon (εἰκὼν) of since as stated in a Latin version (Liber Hermetis de alchimia) of
a commentary on the Arabic alchemical text al-Lawh al-Zumurrud, The Emerald Table, quod est inferius est
sicut quod est superius, 'what is above is as what is below'.

Which is why tractate II of the Corpus Hermeticum states that there is a "cosmic order on Earth: A cosmos of
the divine body sent down as human beings," τὴν γῆν κοσμῆσαι κόσμον δὲ θείου σώματος κατέπεμψε τὸν
ἄνθρωπον.

Hence also why the twenty-sixth chapter of the book De Vita Coelitus Comparanda by Marsilii Ficini
(published in 1489 ev) has as its heading: Quomodo per inferiora superioribus exposita deducantur
superiora, et per mundanas materias mundana potissimum dona, 'How, when what is lower is touched by
what is higher, the higher is cosmically presenced therein and thus gifted because cosmically aligned.'

Source: https://archive.org/download/evola-7fw-v3/evola-7fw-v3.pdf

{3} Corpus Hermeticum: Eight Tractates, 2017. ISBN 978-1976452369

{4} As described in Julius Evola, The Seven Fold Way, And The Corpus Hermeticum (op.cit) and elsewhere:

As a term Lapis Philosophicus means the "jewel of the alchemist", since the term Philosophicus means an
alchemist and not, as is commonly said, a philosopher, just as lapis (qv. λίθος τῶν σοφῶν) when used in
Latin alchemical texts means "jewel" and not "stone".

For Hermetic tradition relates that λίθος as a jewel, or precious stone, was attested by Herodotus, who in The
Histories, Book II, 44, wrote, in reference to "the sacred Temple of Heracles", ἣ δὲ σμαράγδου λίθου
λάμποντος τὰς νύκτας μέγαθος.

It was possibly used in the same way by Aristotle who wrote, in reference to the Nine Archons,

ἀναγράψαντες δὲ τοὺς νόμους εἰς τοὺς κύρβεις ἔστησαν ἐν τῇ στοᾷ τῇ βασιλείῳ καὶ ὤμοσαν
χρήσεσθαι πάντες. οἱ δ ̓ ἐννέα ἄρχοντες ὀμνύντες πρὸς τῷ λίθῳ κατεφάτιζον ἀναθήσειν
ἀνδριάντα χρυσοῦν, ἐάν τινα παραβῶσι τῶν νόμων: ὅθεν ἔτι καὶ νῦν οὕτως ὀμνύουσι. Athenian
Constitution, 7.1

Also, as noted in English–Greek Dictionary: A Vocabulary of the Attic Language by S. C. Woodhouse,

published by Routledge & Kegan Paul in 1910, the term λίθος describes a jewel, as in Plato:

ὧν καὶ τὰ ἐνθάδε λιθίδια εἶναι ταῦτα τὰ ἀγαπώμενα μόρια, σάρδιά τε καὶ ἰάσπιδας καὶ σμαράγδους καὶ
πάντα τὰ τοιαῦτα: ἐκεῖ δὲ οὐδὲν ὅτι οὐ τοιοῦτον εἶναι καὶ ἔτι τούτων καλλίω. Phaedo 110 δ-ε

{5} La Tradizione Ermetica, Second Edition, Edizioni Mediterranee, 1996. ISBN 978-8827211595. p.172

English translation of Italian edition: The Hermetic Tradition - Symbols and Teachings of the Royal Art. 1995.
ISBN 978-0892814510.

{6} Ex quibus summum globum possidet illa, quam in terris Saturniam nominant. Deinde est hominum generi
prosperus et salutaris ille fulgor, qui dicitur Iovis; tum rutilus horribilisque terris, quem Martium dicitis; deinde subter
mediam fere regionem Sol obtinet, dux et princeps et moderator luminum reliquorum, mens mundi et temperatio,
tanta magnitudine, ut cuncta sua luce lustret et compleat. Hunc ut comites consequuntur Veneris alter, alter Mercurii
cursus, in infimoque orbe Luna radiis solis accensa convertitur. Infra autem iam nihil est nisi mortale et caducum
praeter animos munere deorum hominum generi datos; supra Lunam sunt aeterna omnia.
{7} Commentary on tractate XIII. Corpus Hermeticum: Eight Tractates, op.cit. In the cited quotation we have, with his
permission, replaced Myatt's term 'denotatum' with the plural 'denotata' - enclosed within angular brackets - to avoid
confusion, since Myatt idiosyncratically uses the singular 'denotatum' as an Anglicized term for both singular and plural
instances.

{8} Recommended translations with commentaries: (i) Copenhaver, Hermetica, 1995, Cambridge University Press,
ISBN 978-0521425438  (ii) Myatt, Corpus Hermeticum, Eight Tractates, 2017, ISBN 978-1976452369

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons

Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International (CC BY-ND 4.0) License
and can be copied, distributed, and published,
according to the terms of that license.
 A Glossary of Order of Nine Angles Terms

The Star Game (Basic Version)

Introductory Note

The Order of Nine Angles (ONA, O9A, ω9α) employs a variety of specialist esoteric terms, such as nexion, presencing,
acausal, Tree of Wyrd, The Star Game, and so on. It needs to be understood that the O9A employs some now generally
used exoteric terms - such as psyche, and archetype - in a particular and precise esoteric way, and thus such terms
should not be considered as being identical to those used by others and defined, for example, by people such as CG
Jung. This glossary explains the most commonly used technical terms of the O9A esoteric tradition. Many of the terms
have a dual meaning: an outer (exoteric) one and an inner (esoteric) one. This version of the glossary supersedes
previous versions.

Version 7.05
Revised 133 Year of Fayen
°°°°°°°

Abyss

Exoterically, the Abyss represents the region where the causal gives way to, or merges into, the acausal, and thus
where the causal is "transcended", gone beyond, or passed, and where one enters the realm of pure acausality. Hence
The Abyss can be considered as an interchange, a nexus, of temporal, atemporal, and spatial and aspatial, dimensions.
This region is, for example, symbolized on The Tree of Wyrd, as being between the spheres of Sun and Mars, and
'Entering the Abyss' is that stage of magickal development which distinguishes the Master/ Mistress from the Adept.
Esoterically, The Tree of Wyrd is itself a re-presentation of The Abyss, as are other esoteric re-presentations, such as
The Star Game.

The term acausal refers to "acausal Time and acausal Space": that is, to the acausal Universe or continuum. This
acausal Universe is part of the Cosmos, which Cosmos consists of both the acausal and the causal, where "causal"
refers to the Universe or continuum that is described, or re-presented, by causal Space and causal Time. This causal
Universe is that of our physical, phenomenal, Universe, currently described by sciences such as Physics and
Astronomy.

The acausal is non-Euclidean, and "beyond causal Time": that is, it cannot be represented by our finite causal
geometry (of three spatial dimensions at right angles to each other) and by the flow, the change, of causal Time (past-
present-future), or measured by a duration of causal Time. In addition - and just as causal energy exists in the causal
(understood as such energy is by sciences such as Physics) - acausal energy exists in the acausal, of a nature and type
which cannot be described by causal sciences such as Physics (based as these are on a causal geometry and a causal
Time). According to the aural tradition of the O9A, there are a variety of acausal life-forms; a variety of acausal life, of
different species, some of which have been manifest in (or intruded into) our causal Universe.

Acausal Thinking

One of The Dark Arts - the Occult Arts - employed by the O9A. Acausal Thinking is basically apprehending the causal,
and acausal energy, as these "things" are - that is, beyond all causal abstractions, and beyond all causal symbols, and
symbolism, where such causal symbols include language, and the words and terms that are part of language.

One technique used to develope Acausal Thinking is The Star Game (qv).

Aeon

An Aeon - according to the Way of the O9A - is a particular presencing of certain acausal energies on this planet, Earth,
which energies affect a multitude of individuals over a certain period of causal time. One such affect is via the psyche
of individuals. This particular presencing which is an Aeon is via a particular nexion, which is an Aeonic civilization,
which Aeonic civilization is brought-into-being in a certain geographical area and usually associated with a particular
mythos.

Aeonic Perspective

The term describes some of the knowledge O9A folk have acquired through a combination of practical experience,
through a scholarly study, and through using certain Occult faculties and skills, such as esoteric-empathy. This
knowledge is of the birth-life-death of Aeons and their associated civilizations, and of how the esoteric movement that
is the O9A has a perspective - a sinister dialectic - of both centuries and of "the sinister-numinous" and of how Aeons
manifest acausality through "the sinister-numinous". In addition, the knowledge includes how a new aeon can be
brought-into-being and how it manifests καλὸς κἀγαθός (qv).

Alchemical Seasons

Alchemical seasons are a measure of acausal-knowing, and are known via the faculty of esoteric-empathy. Some
alchemical seasons form the natural terran calendar of the Rounwytha and of others of our esoteric kind.

Alchemical seasons often 'measure' or signify the change of fluxions. For more details, see the O9A MS Alchemical
Seasons and The Fluxions of Time.

Archetype

An archetype is a particular causal presencing of a certain acausal energy and is thus akin to a type of acausal living
being in the causal (and thus "in the psyche"): it is born (or can be created, by magickal means), its lives, and then it
"dies" (ceases to be present, presenced) in the causal (i.e. its energy in the causal ceases).

Balobians

Those artists, musicians, artisans, and writers (and similar types), who share or are inspired by the sinister ethos
and/or the Dreccian, or Satanic, life-style of the O9A, and/or who share some or all of our aims and objectives, but who
may not have some formal involvement with us, and who usually do not publicly claim association with the O9A or with
the O9A ethos.

Baphomet

Baphomet is regarded as a Dark Goddess - a sinister female entity, The Mistress (or Mother) of Blood. According to
tradition, she is represented as a beautiful mature woman, naked from the wait up, who holds in her hand the severed
head of a man.

She is regarded as one manifestation of one of The Dark Gods, The Bride-and-Mother of Satan, and Rites to presence
Baphomet in our causal continuum exist, for example in The Grimoire of Baphomet.

Black Book of Satan

The book of that name containing the traditional ceremonial rituals of sinister/Satanic ceremonial magick, used by O9A
Initiates following the Seven Fold Way.

Causal Abstractions

Abstractions (aka causal abstractions) are manifestations of the primary (causal) nature of mundanes, and are
manufactured by mundanes in their mundane attempt to understand the world, themselves, and the causal Universe.
Exoterically, abstractions re-present the mundane simplicity of causal linearality - of causal reductionism, of a simple
cause-and-effect, of a limited causal thinking.

All abstractions are devoid of Dark-Empathy and the perspective of acausality, and thus are redolent of, or directly
manifest, materialism and the Untermensch ethos derived from such materialism.

Understood exoterically, an abstraction is the manufacture, and use of, some idea, ideal, "image" or category, and thus
some generalization, and/or some assignment of an individual or individuals to some group or category. The positing of
some "perfect" or "ideal" form, category, or thing, is part of abstraction.
Abstractions hide the true nature of Reality - which is both causal and acausal, and which true nature can be
apprehended and understood by means of The Dark Arts, and thus by following the Occult way from Initiate, to Adept,
and beyond. According to the O9A, the so-called Occult Arts - and especially the so-called Satanism - of others are
manifestations of causal abstractions, lacking as they do the learning of the skills of Dark-Empathy, Acausal-Thinking,
and Sinister Sorcery, and thus lacking as they do the ability to develope our latent human faculties and our latent
sinister character.

Core O9A Traditions

Also known as The Five Core O9A Principles. The basic principles on which the O9A is based. They are: (1) the way of
practical deeds; (2) the way of culling; (3) the way of kindred honour (qv); (4) the way of defiance of and practical
opposition to Magian abstractions; (5) the way of the Rounwytha tradition (qv).

Culture

For us, a cultured person is someone who possesses the following five distinguishing marks or qualities:
(1) they have empathy
(2) they have the instinct for disliking rottenness,
(3) they possess and use the faculty of reason,
(4) they value pathei-mathos; and
(5) they are part of living ancestral tradition and are well-acquainted with and appreciate the culture of that tradition,
manifest as this often is in art, literature/aural traditions, music, and a specific ethos.

It is these personal qualities that not only distinguish us from other animals and from Homo Hubris - here on terra firma
but which and importantly enable us to consciously change, to develope, ourselves and so participate in our own
evolution as beings.

For us, the cultivation and development of empathy is a Dark Art, part of the training of the Initiate. This particular
Dark Art is a skill that rites such as that of Internal Adept develop. See, for example, the O9A text Dark-Empathy,
Adeptship, and The Seven-Fold Way of the O9A.

In respect of 'the instinct for disliking rottenness' see the O9A text Concerning Culling As Art (122yf). This instinct is
made manifest - conscious - by means of our code of kindred-honour aka sinister-honour.

Dark Arts

The Dark Arts are the skills traditionally learnt by those following the Seven Fold (Sinister) Way, and include Dark-
Empathy, Acausal-Thinking, and practical sorcery (External, Internal, and Aeonic). In addition, a sinister tribe of Dreccs
(qv) is a new type of Dark Art, developed by the O9A to Presence The Dark in practical ways.

Dark-Empathy

One of The Dark Arts. Also called Sinister-Empathy (qv) and Esoteric Empathy. The term Dark-Empathy (also written
Dark Empathy) is also sometimes used to describe that-which is redolent of the acausal, and thus that-which
presences or which can presence "dark forces" (dark/acausal energies) in the causal and in human beings; and thus
used in this exoteric sense it refers to that-which imbues or which can imbue things with acausal energy, and which
distinguish the Occult in general from the exoteric and the mundane.

Dark Gods

According to the Sinister Tradition of the O9A, The Dark Gods (aka The Dark Ones) are specific entities - living-beings of
a particular acausal species - who exist in the realms of the acausal, with some of these entities having been
presenced, via various nexions, on Earth in our distant past.

These entities are considered to be shapeshifters and as "Dark" - "Sinister" when viewed or experienced in the causal
continuum. Which experience of such entities can be archetypal and thus occur in the psyche of individuals. The Dark
Gods include Satan and Baphomet, and in O9A mythology are regarded as having been manifest - presenced - in the
past in our causal continuum, with Satan shapeshifting to be a male entity and Baphomet a female entity.

Drecc

Someone who lives a practical sinister life, and thus who lives by The Law of the Sinister-Numen (qv) and who thus
Presences The Dark in practical ways by practical sinister deeds. A sinister/O9A tribe or gang is a territorial and
independent group of Dreccs (often including drecclings - that is, the children of Dreccs) who band together for their
mutual advantage and who rule or who seek to rule over a particular area, neighbourhood, or territory. A sinister tribe
is thus a practical manifestation of the Dreccian way of life.

Dreccs, and their associated tribe, rarely engage in overt practical sorcery and mostly do not describe themselves as
Satanists or even as following the LHP. Instead, they describe and refer to themselves, simply, as Drecc.
Ethos

Ethos refers to the distinguishing character, or nature, of a particular O9A weltanschauung. The spirit that animates it.
See also O9A Ethos.

Exeatic

To go beyond and transgress the limits imposed and prescribed by mundanes, and by the systems which reflect or
which manifest the ethos of mundanes - for example, governments, and the laws of what has been termed "society".

Exoteric/Esoteric

Exoteric refers to the outer (or causal) form, or meaning, or nature, or character, or appearance, of some-thing; while
esoteric refers to its Occult/inner /acausal essence or nature.

What is esoteric is that which is generally hidden from mundanes (intentionally or otherwise), or which mundanes
cannot perceive or understand. Causal abstractions (qv) tend to hide the esoteric nature (character) of things, and/or
such abstractions describe or refer to that-which is only causal and mundane and thus devoid of Dark-Empathy.

Thus, a form manufactured by an Adept for some Aeonic purpose - for example, a tactic to aid strategic aims - has an
outer appearance and an outer meaning which is usually all that mundanes perceive or understand, even though it has
an (inner) esoteric meaning.

Falcifer

1) The title of the first volume of The Deofel Quartet.

2) The exoteric name given to the esoteric (or "hidden") nexion which is opened by Adepts to prepare the way for
Vindex. This nexion - like Vindex - may be presenced in a specific individual, or in a group of individuals. There is a
symbiotic relationship between Falcifer and Vindex, who - if presenced in individuals - can be either male or female.

Five Core O9A Principles

See Core O9A Traditions.

Galactic Empire

The name of a Mythos used by the O9A which embodies a foreseeing - a prophecy - relating to the New Aeon and its
possible space-fairing space-exploring civilization.

God

According to the O9A, the God - the supreme creator Being - of conventional religions including Judaism, Nasrany, and
Islam, does not and never has existed, and such a figure is regarded as a human, a causal, abstraction, a human
manufactured construct, a myth, which human beings, and thus certain religions and theologies and philosophies,
have incorrectly imposed upon the reality of the Cosmos in a vain attempt to understand it, and themselves.

Hebdomadry

A traditional name used to describe The Septenary System.

Homo Hubris

A type of mundane, and a new sub-species of the genus, Homo, which new sub-species has evolved out of the
industrial revolution and the imposition of both capitalism and what is called democracy. This new rapacious mostly
urban dwelling denizen - this creation of the modern West - is the foot-soldier of the Magian, and is distinguished by a
personal arrogance, by a lack of manners, and by that lack of respect for anything other than strength/power and/or
their own gratification.

It was to satiate and satisfy and to use and control Homo Hubris that the Magian and their acolytes (such as the
Hubriati) manufactured the vacuous, profane, vulgar mass entertainment industry - and mass "culture" - of the modern
West, just as it is Magian Occultism, the Magian- controlled Media, and the "spin", the propaganda, of politicians who
have been assessed and accepted by the Magian cabal, which keeps Homo Hubris almost totally unaware, and
uncaring, of the reality of the modern world and of their potential as human beings.

Hubriati

The hubriati are that class of individuals, in the West, who have been and who are subsumed by the Magian ethos and
the delusion of abstractions, and who occupy positions of influence and/or of power. Hubriati include politicians, Media
magnates and their servants, military commanders, government officials, industrialists, bankers, many academics and
teachers, and so on. The oligarchy (elected and unelected) that forms the controllers of Western governments are
almost excursively hubriati. Among the abstractions which delude hubriati are the State, the nation, abstract law, and
the pretence that is called "democracy".

Hubriati-syndrome

The hubriati-syndrome is the hubris-like belief of some Occultists that we human beings: (1) are, or can be, controllers
of what is termed our own, individual, Destiny; (2) and/or that we or we can be chosen/favoured and/or protected by
some supreme Being or some representative of that Being; and/or (3) that we are clever enough, or can become clever
enough, to devise for ourselves some means to control whatever natural forces we may encounter, including Nature,
and possibly (or almost certainly) those forces of a more Cosmic nature.

The hubriati-syndrome may be said to be one of the most distinguishing features of magians-of-the-earth, with one
symptom of this syndrome being a love for, and a reliance upon, technology; another symptom is a fondness for, and
indeed a love for, words and causal abstractions. A typical example, replete with abstractions, and which expounds the
type of hubriati view commonly held by magians-of-the-earth, is:

" [A] premise of the Temple is that the psychecentric consciousness can evolve towards its own divinity
through deliberate exercise of the intelligence and Will, a process of becoming or coming into being whose
roots may be found in the dialectic method expounded by Plato and the conscious exaltation of the Will
proposed by Nietzsche..."

The magians-of-the-earth are so called because, in actuality if not always in overt belief, such people accept,
consciously or otherwise, or are influenced by, the basic premises which underlie the Magian religious perspective.

Kαλὸς Kἀγαθός

This ancient Greek term manifests both the aim of the O9A Seven Fold Way and the ethos of The New Aeon which the
O9A exists to presence via its Sinister Dialectic. The ethos of The New Aeon is pagan one evolved (by the O9A and
others) from the Greco-Roman and Western notion of καλὸς κἀγαθός, of τὸ καλόν (the beautiful) and τὸ ἀγαθὸν (the
honourable) manifest as these are in the O9A Code Of Kindred Honour and in the balancing (ἀρρενόθηλυς) of the
masculous and the muliebral via the enantiodromia that is the Seven Fold Way and presenced as that balance is in the
Grade Rituals of Internal Adept and of The Abyss.

Exoterically, καλὸς κἀγαθός expresses the law of personal honour as opposed to the lifeless, abstract, law of the
nation-State and of supranational entities such as the United Nations. It represents a new yet anciently-derived type of
civitas, of duty, and thus implies a new aristocracy in place of the democracy of the herd and the politics of the
hubriati.

Kindred Honour

The principle that our kind are distinguished by their behaviour toward each other and by their behaviour toward
mundanes. Our behaviour toward our own kind is guided by our Law of Kindred Honour (aka The Law of the Sinister-
Numen aka The Dreccian Code aka The Sinister Code). Our behaviour toward mundanes is guided by our
understanding of them as a useful resource and as useful subjects for whatever causal form(s) we may employ to
achieve our esoteric, Aeonic, aims and goals.

Labyrinthos Mythologicus

The Labyrinthos Mythologicus of the O9A suggests "myth-making; creating or concerned with mythology or myths; a
mythical narrative," and is both (a) a modern and an amoral version of a technique often historically employed, world-
wide among diverse cultures and traditions both esoteric and otherwise, to test and select candidates, and (b) a
mischievous, japing, sly, and sometimes (for mundanes) an annoying, part of the O9A sinister dialectic.

Lapis Philosophicus

The term Lapis Philosophicus [post-classical Latin, c. 13th century; qv. Byzantine Greek: λίθος τῶν σοφῶν] pre-dates
the term lapis philosophorum and was used by early writers on alchemy such as Raymund Lully, and by the
Elizabethan Oxford classical scholar John Case in a book entitled Lapis Philosophicus, Sive Commentarius In Octo Libros
Physicorum Aristotelis, published in 1600 CE. The term was also used by Isaac Newton in a handwritten manuscript
entitled Lapis Philosophicus cum suis rotis elementaribus [MS 416, in Babson College's Grace K. Babson Collection of
the Works of Sir Isaac Newton, currently housed in the Huntington Library, San Marino, California].

Lapis Philosophicus means the "jewel of the alchemist", since the term Philosophicus means an alchemist not, as is
commonly said, a philosopher, just as lapis (qv. λίθος τῶν σοφῶν) when used in Latin alchemical texts means "jewel"
and not "stone".

For O9A aural tradition relates that λίθος as a jewel, or precious stone, was attested by Herodotus, who in The
Histories, Book II, 44, wrote, in reference to "the sacred Temple of Heracles", ἣ δὲ σμαράγδου λίθου λάμποντος τὰς
νύκτας μέγαθος. 

It was possibly used in the same way by Aristotle who wrote, in reference to the Nine Archons,
 ἀναγράψαντες δὲ τοὺς νόμους εἰς τοὺς κύρβεις ἔστησαν ἐν τῇ στοᾷ τῇ βασιλείῳ καὶ ὤμοσαν χρήσεσθαι
πάντες. οἱ δ᾽ ἐννέα ἄρχοντες ὀμνύντες πρὸς τῷ λίθῳ κατεφάτιζον ἀναθήσειν ἀνδριάντα χρυσοῦν, ἐάν τινα
παραβῶσι τῶν νόμων: ὅθεν ἔτι καὶ νῦν οὕτως ὀμνύουσι. Athenian Constitution, 7.1

Also, as noted in English–Greek Dictionary: A Vocabulary of the Attic Language by S. C. Woodhouse, published by
Routledge & Kegan Paul in 1910,

Plato, Phaedo 110δ-ε: ὧν καὶ τὰ ἐνθάδε λιθίδια εἶναι ταῦτα τὰ ἀγαπώμενα μόρια, σάρδιά τε καὶ ἰάσπιδας καὶ
σμαράγδους καὶ πάντα τὰ τοιαῦτα: ἐκεῖ δὲ οὐδὲν ὅτι οὐ τοιοῦτον εἶναι καὶ ἔτι τούτων καλλίω.

Finding Lapis Philosophicus is the aim of hermetic, Occult, traditions such as the O9A Seven Fold Way.

Law of The Sinister-Numen

The Law of The Sinister-Numen (aka The Sinister Code aka The Code Of Kindred Honour) is a practical manifestation, in
our causal continuum, of the Sinister-Numen - of those things which can breed excellence of sinister character in
individuals, and thus which Presence The Dark in practical ways. The Law also describes the sinister ethos of The Order
of Nine Angles.

Left Hand Path (LHP)

The amoral and individualistic Way of Sinister Sorcery. In the LHP there are no rules: there is nothing that is not
permitted; nothing that is forbidden or restricted. That is, the LHP means the individual takes sole responsibility for
their actions and their quest, and does not abide by the ethics of mundanes. In addition, the LHP is where the
individual learns from the practical deeds and practical challenges that are an integral to it.

Magick

The term dates from the European Renaissance and was used in books such as collection edited by Elias Ashmole titled
Theatrum Chemicum Britannicum published in 1652 CE.

Magick (aka Sorcery) - according to the Sinister tradition of the O9A - is defined as "the presencing of acausal energy in
the causal by means of a nexion. By the nature of our consciousness, we, as human individuals, are one type of nexion
that is, we have the ability to access, and presence, certain types of acausal energy."

Furthermore, magick - as understand and practised by the O9A - is a means not only of personal development and
personal understanding (a freeing from psychic, archetypal, influences and affects) but also of evolving to the next
level of our human existence where we can understand, and to a certain extent control and influence, supra-personal
manifestations of acausal energies, such as an Aeon, and thus cause, or bring-into-being, large-scale evolutionary
change. Such understanding, such control, such a bring-into-being, is Aeonic Magick.

Aeonic Magick is the magick of the Adept and those beyond: the magick of the evolved human being who has achieved
a certain level of self-understanding and self-mastery and who thus is no longer at the mercy of unconscious psychic,
archetypal, influences, both personal/individual, and of other living-beings, such as an Aeon.

Internal Magick is the magick of personal change and evolution: of using magick to gain insight and to develope one's
personality and esoteric skills. There are seven stages involved in Internal Magick. External Magick is basic, "low-level",
sorcery as sorcery has been and still is understood by mundanes - where certain acausal energies are used for bring or
to fulfil the desire of an individual.

Ceremonial Magick is the use (by more than two individuals gathered in a group) of a set or particular texts or sinister
rituals to access and presence sinister energies. Five-dimensional magick is the New Aeon magick sans symbols,
ceremonies, symbology (such as the Tree of Wyrd) and beyond all causal abstractions, and it is prefigured in the
advanced form of The Star Game.

Magian

The term Magian is used to refer to the hybrid ethos of the ancient Hebrews (as manifest for instance in the Old
Testament) and of Western hubriati, and also refers to those individuals who are Magian by either breeding or nature.
The essence of what we term the Magian ethos is inherent in Judaism, in Nasrany, and in Islam. To be pedantic, we use
the term Magian in preference to the more commonly used term Semitic to describe the ethos underlying these three
major, and conventional, religions, since the term Semitic is, in our view, not strictly philologically correct to describe
such religions.

The Magian ethos expresses two fundamental things: (1) the notion of being "chosen" - as for example by "God" - and
thus of having a special "destiny", and (2) the fundamental materialistic belief, the idea, of Homo Hubris and the
Hubriati, that the individual self (and thus self identity) is the most important, the most fundamental, thing, and that
the individual - either alone or collectively (and especially in the form of a nation/State) - can master and control
everything (including themselves), if they have the right techniques, the right tools, the right method, the right ideas,
the money, the power, the influence, the words. That human beings have nothing to fear, because they are or can be
in control.

The Magian ethos is thus represented in the victory of consumerism, capitalism and usury over genuine, numinous,
living culture; in the vulgarity of mechanistic marxism, Freudian psychology, and the social engineering and planning
and surveillance of the nanny State; in the vulgarity of modern entertainment centred around sex, selfish indulgence,
lack of manners and dignity, and vacuous "celebrities" (exemplified by Hollywood); and in the conniving, the hypocrisy,
the slyness, and the personal dishonourable conduct, which nearly all modern politicians in the West reveal and
practice.

Masculous

By the term masculous we mean: the traits, abilities and qualities that are conventionally and historically associated
with men and which are evident in patriarchal religions such as Judaism, Nasrany, and Islam. Among such traits are
competitiveness, aggression, the desire to organize/control.

In the O9A system the stages of Neophyte, Initiate and External Adept of the Seven Fold Way are associated with an
experiencing the masculous aspects of the psyche while the stage of Internal Adept is associated with the muliebral
aspect, with the Rite of The Abyss being an enantiodromia: a melding of, and thence the transcendence of, both the
masculous and the muliebral.

Muliebral

By the term muliebral we mean: of, concerning, or relating to the ethos, the nature [physis], the natural abilities, of
women. From the Latin muliebris.

Among muliebral abilities, qualities, and skills are: (1) Empathy; (2) Intuition, as a foreseeing -
praesignification/intimation - and as interior self-reflexion; (3) personal Charm; (4) Subtlety/Cunning/Shapeshifting; (5)
Veiled Strength. These abilities, qualities, and skills are those of a Rounwytha, and they or some of them were evident,
for example and in varying degrees, in the Oracle at Delphi, in the Vestales of Rome; in the wise, the cunning, women
of British folklore and legend; in myths about Morgan Le Fey, Mistress Mab, and Ἀμαζόνες, and in historical figures such
as Cleopatra, Lucrezia Borgia, and Boudicca.

It is such skills, abilities, and qualities, and the women who embody them, that the Magian ethos (and its abstractions)
and religions such as as Nasrany, Islam, Judaism, and the patriarchal nation-State, have suppressed, repressed, and
sought to destroy, control, and replace. It is these skills, abilities, and qualities, and the women who embody them,
that the distorted, Magian-influenced and Magian-dominated, Homo Hubris infested, Occultism and Levey-like
'Satanism' of the modern West - with their doctrines such as the patriarchal 'might in right' or the vapid 'harming none'
of modern wicca have also suppressed, repressed, and sought to destroy, control, and replace.

Mundane

Exoterically, mundanes are defined as those who are not of our sinister kind that is, as those who do not live by The
Law of the Sinister-Numen (qv). Esoterically, mundane-ness is defined as being under the influence of, or being in thrall
to, or being addicted to, and/or believing in, and/or using as a means of understanding, causal abstractions (qv).

Naos

1) The name of one of the "boards" (spheres) of The Star Game, taken from the star of the same name: Zeta Puppis in
the constellation Argo.
2) The title of the O9A text "Naos - A Practical Guide to Becoming An Adept".
3) According to aural legend, there is also a Star Gate - an actual physical nexion - in the region around or near to this
particular star.

Nexion

A nexion is a specific connexion between, or the intersection of, the causal and the acausal, and nexions can,
exoterically, be considered to be akin to "gates" or openings or "tunnels" where there is, or can be, either a flow of
acausal energy (and thus also of acausal entities) from the acausal into our causal Space and causal Time; a
journeying into the acausal itself; or a willed, conscious flow or presencing (by dark sorcery) of acausal energies.

Basically, there are three main types of nexion. The first is an actual physical nexion. The second type of nexion is a
living causal being, such as ourselves. The third type of nexion is a magickal creation: that is, some form in-which
acausal energy is presenced or "channelled into" by a sinister Adept and which creation can be a group (nexion, cell,
Temple, Chapter) of individuals following O9A esotericism, or a mythos, or a ritual, or an idea, or an art form, or a work
of art or music.

Nine Angles

The Nine Angles have several meanings - or interpretations, exoteric and esoteric depending on context. In the
esoteric sense, they re-present the nine combinations (and transformations) of the three basic "alchemical" substances
- alchemical salt, alchemical sulphur, alchemical mercury - which nine and their transformations (causal and acausal)
are themselves re-presented by The Star Game.

The Nine Angles

In the exoteric, pre-Adept, sense, they may be said to re-present the 7 nexions of the Tree of Wyrd plus the 2 nexions
which re-present the ToW as itself a nexion, with The Abyss (a connexion between the individual and the acausal) being
one of these 2 "other nexions". It should be remembered, of course, that each sphere of the ToW is not two-
dimensional (or even three-dimensional) and in a simple way each sphere can be taken as a reflexion (a "shadow") of
another - for example, Mercury is the 'shadow' of Mars.

In another exoteric sense, the nine are the alchemical process of the 7 plus the 2, which 2 are the conjoining of
opposites: and, in one sense, this conjoining can be taken to be (magickally, for instance, in a practical ritual) as the
conjoining of male and female (hence what is called one of the Rites of the Nine Angles) although there are other
practical combinations, just as each magickal act involving such Angles should be undertaken for a whole and
particular alchemical season: that is, such a working should occupy a space of causal-time, making it thus a type of
four-dimensional magick which can access the fifth magickal dimension, the acausal itself. A somewhat more advanced
understanding of the Nine - in relation to a ritual to create a Nexion - is hinted at in the recent fiction-based MS
Atazoth.

Beyond this, the Nine Angles are symbols of The Star Game which itself is sorcery that is, one nexion which can
presence the acausal. But even this is only a beginning a re-presentation, in symbols, of what is, in essence, without
symbols: a useful means for Initiates, and Adepts, to move toward the new five-dimensional magick embodied in, and
beyond, the O9A.

Niner

A freelance operative whose culture is that of the O9A, and who thus strives to live by our Code of Kindred-Honour and
whose personal character manifests the O9A Ethos. Also sometimes used as an alternative name for a Drecc, although
most Niners, unlike Dreccs, do not belong to a gang, clan, or tribe.

Order of Nine Angles

The Order of Nine Angles(ONA/O9A/ω9α) is a modern Occult movement - or sub-culture - which has its own Occult
philosophy, its own Logos, and its own Occult methods and techniques.

In antinomian terms appropriate to the Current Era where the Magian Ethos dominated, the O9A/ω9α is a subversive,
sinister, esoteric association - a collective (or kollective) - comprising Niners, Tribes, O9A gangs, Dreccs, Traditional
Nexions, Sinister-Empaths, individual Sorcerers (male and female), and Balobians.

One of the primary aims of the O9A is to develope a new type of human being by using and developing our latent
abilities (by means of The Dark Arts) and by breeding a new type of individual character, with this new type of
character being a sinister one which itself can only be nurtured and developed by practical means and through
practical exeatic deeds.

Our aims and goals can thus be achieved in the following manner:
(1) By more and more individuals adopting or being influenced or inspired by the ethos, mythos, and praxis of the O9A
(both what it is now and will evolve to be), and thus becoming in personal character and often in life-style less and less
dependant on the nation-State, on The System, on abstractions.
(2) By the practical actions - exoteric and esoteric - of those of our kind and influenced by us.
(3) By the continuing infiltration of our kind into certain influencing roles and within certain Institutions.

O9A Culture

O9A culture - sometimes spelt kulture - is the culture of those who adopt or who are born into the O9A way of life, a
way of life distinguished by: (1) our ethos [qv. O9A ethos]; (2) our aural traditions, and (3) our five core principles/five
core traditions.

O9A Ethos

The O9A ethos - that which expresses the essence, the spirit, the nature, the character, of our living culture/kulture, of
our living kollective tradition - is manifest in:
(1) our code of kindred honour;
(2) our acceptance that it is the personal judgement, the experience, the free choice, of each individual which is
human and important and not adherence to some standard, some rules, some dogma, some morality, of someone
else, with this personal judgement replacing reliance on the judgement of others and reliance on the judgement of
some external supra-personal authority;
(3) our acceptance that it is primarily by pathei-mathos [by learning from direct practical experience, from tough
challenges, and our mistakes] that we acquire the necessary personal judgement, the knowledge, and the experience
to truly liberate ourselves from the constraints imposed by others and imposed by some external supra-personal
authority or authorities.

O9A Iterations

The iterations are an expression of the natural change, the evolution, of the living esoteric being that is known as the
O9A.

The first iteration/phase - aka O9A 1 - may be considered to be exoterically manifest in the overt and practical
traditional Satanism of the early O9A (c.1972-1985 ce) with its ceremonial groups, and in Rounwytha nexions all of
whom were in the UK and known to AL.

The second iteration (c.1986-2009 ce) - aka O9A 2 - was most manifest in the Seven-Fold Way and the praxis of
individuals, world-wide, establishing their own ceremonial O9A-type groups/nexions.

The third iteration - aka O9A 3 - is that of the current O9A, 2010 ce and > and is manifest exoterically in the move from
Satan as archetypal symbol to our female Baphomet (the dark goddess) as archetypal symbol.

All iterations - past and present - although different in character co-exist within the O9A, just as a mature living being
has within it the younger being from whence it matured.

Omega9Alpha

Also written ω9α. An alternative name for the Order of Nine Angles first used to describe the nexion consisting of the
few ( < 7 ) students personally guided by Anton Long but now in general use as an alternative to O9A.

Pathei Mathos

Also written pathei-mathos, the ancient Greek term pathei mathos - πάθει μάθος - philosophically and esoterically
means personal misfortune and/or personal experience and/or practical challenges can be the genesis of insight. See
the O9A text The Esoteric Learning Presenced Through Pathei-Mathos.

The O9A Seven Fold Way - with its physical challenges, its Insight Roles, and its Grade Rituals - is regarded as a willed,
a conscious, pathei mathos. Pathei Mathos is regarded as a means of discovering or revealing the physis of beings and
of our own being.

Presenced

The term presenced is, in modern Occultism, unique to the O9A and generally refers to some-thing acausal (or
numinous) which is "manifested" in (or brought into) the causal world often by means of sorcery or by a particular
Occult Art or by a particular sorcerer. A mythos associated with a particular Aeon is such a presencing. For the O9A, the
"mythos of Vindex" is associated with the New, post-Magian, Aeon.

The term can be used to describe a manifestation - usually of something acausal in nature - in the causal continuum.
Hence Satan can be presenced in the causal as a particular entity or living being; as an archetype in the psyche; and
also by a person who opposes what is Magian and/or who does acts which are considered heretical by a particular
religion or society.

The term derives from medieval and renaissance MSS and books dealing with alchemy and demonology, such as the
1641 work by the classical Greek scholar Joseph Mede entitled The Apostasy of The Latter Times. Or, The Gentiles
Theology of Dæmons, where the phrase "the approaching or presencing of Dæmons" occurs.

Presencing The Dark

A term used to describe the manifestation of sinister (acausal) energies in the causal by means of some causal or
combined causal/acausal form, exoteric or esoteric. Understood exoterically, To Presence The Dark means to
consciously work acts of sinister sorcery by either esoteric means (such as a Rite of Dark Sorcery) and/or through
practical (exoteric) sinister deeds where the intent is a sinister one. Understood esoterically, To Presence The Dark
means to undertake acts of Sinister Wyrd and thus to work Aeonic Sorcery.

Psyche

The psyche of the individual is a term used, in the Sinister Way, to describe those aspects of an individual - those
aspects of consciousness - which are hidden, or inaccessible to, or unknown to, the individual. Basically, such aspects
can be considered to be those forces/energies which do or which can influence the individual in an emotional way or in
a way which the individual has no direct control over or understanding of. One part of this psyche is what has been
called "the unconscious", and some of the forces/energies of this "unconscious" have been, and can be, described by
the term "archetypes".

Physis

By the ancient Greek term Physis - Φύσις - is meant the true character or nature or ethos of a being beyond outer
causal forms and abstractions and thus what lies behind (or what has been covered up by) denotata: by naming, by
terms, by ideas, by categorization, and by the dialectic of opposing opposites.

Rounwytha

The name traditionally given to those few, rare, individuals (mostly women) who naturally possessed the gift of Dark-
Empathy (aka Sinister-Empathy aka Esoteric Empathy).

Rounwytha Tradition

Also known as The Way of the Rounwytha.

The muliebral [qv.] tradition or principle which forms the basis for the inner (mystic, esoteric) Way of the O9A and
which thus is one of the core principles on which the O9A is based.

In practical terms, and exoterically, this principle means: (1) a recognition of the need to extend one's faculties by
cultivating, developing and using esoteric empathy (aka Dark-Empathy), and (2) the understanding that our Dreccian
Code applies without fear or favour - equally, without distinction - to men and women of our kind, and that our kind are
judged solely by their deeds and by how well they uphold kindred honour, and not by gender, sexual preference, or by
any other Old Aeon categorization or prejudice. Thus this principle means, for instance, that the Vindex of O9A
tradition can be either a male or a female warrior.

Esoterically, this tradition/principle is expressed in the archetype of The Lady Master and in the acausal form (the
acausal entity) Baphomet, The Dark Goddess of O9A esoteric tradition to whom sacrifices were and are offered. The
Rounwytha tradition is the basis for our new sinister feminine archetype, for the new ways of living for women of our
kind, and which ways of living involve:

(1) Women of our kind living by our code of kindred honour who thus are ready, willing, and able (trained enough) to
defend themselves and rely on themselves and thus who possessed attitude, and skill enough, and/or carry weapons
enabling them to, defeat a strong man or men intent on attacking or subduing them.
(2) Women of our kind placing this personal code of honour before any and all laws made by some State, and thus
replacing supra-personal authority (of, for example, some State or institution) with their own self-assured and
individual authority.
(3) Women of our kind relying on their own judgement, a judgement developed and enhanced by pathei-mathos, by
learning from direct practical experience, from tough challenges, and one's mistakes.
(4) Women of our kind developing and using their natural, their latent, their empathic and muliebral, abilities, qualities,
and skills - such as empathy and intuition.

For more details, see O9A MSS such as 1) Alchemical Seasons and The Fluxions of Time; 2) Denotatum - The Esoteric
Problem With Names; 3) The Rounwytha Way - Our Sinister Feminine Archetype; 4) Diabological Dissent.

Satan

A satan - qv. the O9A text The Geryne of Satan - is term used to describe someone who is an adversary and who is
pejoratively regarded (by those so opposed) as scheming, as plotting against them; that is, the sense is of ἐπίβουλος -
scheming against/opposed to those who regard themselves as chosen by their monotheistic God.

The Satan is used to describer the chief adversary - of the so-called 'chosen ones' - and the chief schemer against
them. That is, as an archetype of and for such opposition to Magians and the Magian ethos.

Satan is also regarded, by the O9A, as the exoteric "name" of a particular acausal being: that is, as a living entity
dwelling in the acausal. This entity has the ability to presence, to be manifest in, our causal, phenomenal world, and
the ability - being a shapeshifter - to assume various causal forms. [Regarding the "names" of such beings, see, for
example, Footnote (2) of the MS Mythos of the Dark Gods. ]
Thus the O9A has a concept of Satan that is different from and independent of that of both Judaism and Nasrany, with
this being we exoterically term Satan having no dependence on or any relation to the mythical God of those religions.

Satanism

The English term satanism/sathanism - historically understood - describes: (1) a blasphemy, a heresy or heresies; (2) a
destructive (that is, practical) type of opposition.

In traditional O9A nexions, Satanism is a specific Left Hand Path, one aim of which is to transform, to evolve, the
individual by the use of esoteric Arts, including Dark Sorcery. Another aim is, through using the Sinister Dialectic, to
transform the world, and the causal itself, by - for example - returning, presencing, in the causal, not only the entity
known as Satan but also others of The Dark Gods.

In essence, and thus esoterically, Satanism - as understood and practised by the O9A (presenced by means of
Traditional Nexions) - is one important exoteric form appropriate to the current Aeon, and thus useful in Presencing The
Dark. Satanism was traditionally defined, by the Order of Nine Angles, as the acceptance of, or a belief in, the
existence a supra-personal being called or termed Satan, and an acceptance of, or a belief in, this entity having or
being capable of having some control over, or some influence upon, human beings, individually or otherwise, with such
control often or mostly or entirely being beyond the power of individuals to control by whatever means.

Savant

Savant is O9A-speak for someone who is supine and who also appeases or who soothes their master or masters, often
by agreeing with them or doing their bidding. The usage is from the Icelandic sefa.

Another Icelandic term used by the O9A is kunnleik, from Old Norse, which implies not knowledge per se, but acting
on, -leik, or using, a detailed knowing of a particular thing, or using, acting on, a knowing of a particular person
through a personal acquaintance with them.

Septenary

A name for the basic symbology (causal magickal symbolism) of the Seven Fold Sinister Way represented exoterically
by The Tree of Wyrd, and consisting of seven stages or "spheres" joined by various pathways.

Septenary Tree: Azoth Sive Aureliae Occultae Philosophorum (published in 1613)

Showing the three basic alchemical substances (Salt, Sulphur, Mercury)
which together form the Nine Angles of the O9A as described in the O9A Star Game

Seven Fold Way

Seven Fold Way - aka Seven Fold Sinister Way and Hebdomadry - is the traditional initiatory practice of the O9A and is
a years-long willed, a consciously undertaken, esoteric and exoteric pathei-mathos whose genesis is practice of various
Dark (Esoteric) Arts, Insight Roles, physical challenges and Grade Rituals, qv. the O9A text titled Naos and chapters
such as The Seven Fold Way Of The Order Of Nine Angles in the book Feond. The aim of the Seven Fold Way is the
individual discovery of Lapis Philosophicus; that is, wisdom. Which discovery creates a new type of human being; a
type who manifests καλὸς-κἀγαθός (qv).

Sinister

Of or pertaining to our Dark Tradition, and thus to the five core principles of the O9A (qv).

Often used as a synonym for both the Left Hand Path and for what is antinomian, or heretical, in a particular culture,
religion, or society. It is thus more general than the term "satanic" and in O9A esotericism is often used - like the term
Dark - to refer to manifestations (intrusions) of the acausal continuum in the causal and which manifestations can
include The Dark Gods and can occur in the psyche of individuals where they may be perceived as archetypes.

Sinister Dialectic

The sinister dialectic (often called the sinister dialectic of history) is the name given to Satanic/Sinister strategy - which
is to further our evolution in a sinister way by, for example, (a) the use of Black Magick/sinister presencings to change
individuals/events on a significant scale over long periods of causal Time; (b) to gain control and influence; (c) the use
of Satanic forms and magickal presencings to produce/provoke large scale changes over periods of causal Time; (d) to
bring-into-being a New Aeon; (e) to cause and sow disruption and Chaos as a prelude to any or all or none of the
foregoing.

Sinister-Empathy

Sinister-Empathy (aka Acausal-Empathy aka Dark-Empathy aka Esoteric Empathy) is a specific type of empathy - that
which relates to and concerns acausal-knowing. That is, the perception and the understanding of the acausal nature of
those beings which possess or which manifest acausal energy. Sinister-empathy is one of the skills/abilities that can be
learnt by suitable (but not all) Internal Adepts, and can be developed by those beyond that particular esoteric stage of
knowledge and understanding.

Some rare individuals (traditionally called by the name Rounwytha) are naturally gifted with Dark-Empathy.

Sinister-Numen

The Sinister-Numen is the term used to describe that which, and those whom, re-present certain types of acausal
energy in the causal.

Thus, certain archetypes, and archetypal forms, are - exoterically - sinisterly numinous, and hence have the ability to
influence and inspire human beings - as well as, in some cases, having the ability to direct certain individuals beyond
the ability of those individuals to control such direction.

One of the most practical manifestations (the most practical presencing) of the sinister-numen in the causal realm is
The Law of The Sinister-Numen, and which Law serves to define, and to manifest, that which is not-mundane, and thus
that-which-is-O9A.

Sinister Way

A name given to the system of training (magickal and practical) of Initiates used by the O9A. Sometimes also called
The Seven-Fold Sinister Way or The Seven Fold Way. It consists of seven stages, each represented by a particular
magickal Grade. [See, for example, the O9A MS NAOS.] One aim of the Way is to create a certain type of individual.

Sorcery

Often used as a synonym of magick (qv). Sorcery - according to the Dark, Sinister, tradition followed by the O9A - is the
use, by an individual, individuals, or a group, of acausal energy, either directly (raw/acausal/chaos) or by means of
symbolism, forms, ritual, words, chant (or similar manifestations or presencing(s) of causal constructs) with this usage
often involving a specific, temporal (causal), aim or aims. [See the O9A MSS An Introduction to Dark Sorcery and the
compilation titled Naos.]

Star Game

The Star Game is a re-presentation of the nine aspects of the basic three whose changing in causal time represents a
particular presencing of acausal energy. That is, the nine re-presents not only the nexion that is the presencing of the
acausal evident in our psyche and consciousness, but also many other nexions as well.

This particular re-presentation is an "abstract" one, as distinct from the more "causal" symbology of The Tree of Wyrd
(and of the septenary system itself). The Star Game exists in two basic forms: the "simple or basic" form and the
"advanced" form, and one of its aims is to develope acausal-thinking (beyond causal abstractions) and thus skill in five-
dimensional magick.

It can also be played as a "game", akin to a chess, and can be used magickally to presence acausal energies. The
basics of The Star Game are described in the O9A MS NAOS.

The basic version of The Star Game

Traditional Nexions

A name given to O9A groups (aka Temples aka cells) where individuals undertake The Seven Fold Way, and where
sinister ceremony sorcery is undertaken. Many (though not all) Traditional Nexions follow the path of Satanism.

Traditional Satanism

A term, first used by the O9A several decades ago, to describe its own Sinister and Septenary Way, and to distinguish
it from the other types of "Satanism" (such as those of Levey and Aquino) which were once given public prominence.
The term was used to describe the O9A due to the aural, and other, teachings of the O9A: many of which teachings
(such as the Septenary system and Esoteric Chant; legends and myths regarding Baphomet and The Dark Gods; and
Satanism as an individual Way of personal and Aeonic evolution) were handed down aurally by reclusive sinister
Adepts over many centuries.

The term Traditional Satanism has since been appropriated by others, some of whom have attempted to redefine it.
Tree of Wyrd

The Tree of Wyrd, as conventionally described ("drawn") and with its correspondences and associations and symbols
(see the O9A MS NAOS), re-presents certain acausal energies, and the individual who becomes familiar with such
correspondences and associations and symbols can access (to a greater or lesser degree depending on their ability
and skill) the energies associated with the Tree of Wyrd. The Tree of Wyrd itself is one symbol, one re-presentation, of
that meeting (or "intersection") of the causal and acausal which is a human being, and can be used to represent the
journey, the quest, of the individual toward the acausal - that is, toward the goal of magick, which is the creation of a
new, more evolved, individual.

Vindex

The name of the exoteric (or "outer") nexion through which powerful acausal energies are presenced on Earth in order
to destroy the current status quo (the Old Aeon, now manifest in the so-called New World Order) and prepare the way
for - and inaugurate the practical beginnings of - the New Aeon.

Like Falcifer (q.v.), Vindex can be presenced ("manifest") in an individual (who may be male or female). If an individual,
Vindex is the embodiment of The Law of the New Aeon, which is personal and kindred honour [See the O9A MSS The
Law of the New Aeon and Tyrannies End: Anarchy, Magick and the Law of Personal Honour].

Used as the exoteric name of an individual, Vindex means "the Avenger", and while it is traditionally (and semantically)
regarded as a male name, with the Anglicized feminine form being Vengerisse, Vindex is now often used to refer to
either the man or the woman who is or who becomes the nexion. Vindex is thus the name given to the person (male of
female) who, by practical deeds, brings-into-being a new way of life and who confronts, and who defeats, through force
of arms, those forces which represent the dishonour and the impersonal tyranny so manifest in the modern world,
especially in what it is convenient to call "the West".

The main opponent of Vindex - both on the practical level and in terms of ethos is the Magian. The main allies of the
Magian have been the hubriati of the West - that is, the vulgar Western oligarchy which had originally bred and
maintained the White Hordes of Homo Hubris as toiling-workers, salary-slaves and foot-soldiers for their materialistic
system of industrialism, capitalism, colonialism and vacuous (un-numinous, abstract) States, and which hubriati, in the
early part of the twentieth-century (CE, or Era Vulgaris), came to enthusiastically adopt and evolve the Magian ethos,
until the Magian ethos has, since the ending of The First Zionist War, come to represent the modern West, with the
White Hordes of Homo Hubris now effectively the toiling-workers, salary-slaves and foot-soldiers for the Magian, and
whose taxes, work and sacrifices serve to keep the whole rapacious Magian system alive.

The essence of the new way of life that Vindex heralds and implements (the Vindex ethos) is: (1) the way of tribes and
clans in place of the abstraction of the modern Nation-State; and (2) the way, the law, of personal honour in place of
the abstract laws made by governments.

Wyrd

As used by the O9A, Wyrd is the term used to describe those supra-personal forces (aka energies) which can influence
individuals, which non-Adepts cannot control in any manner, which Adepts can discover and to a quite limited extent
influences, but which only those of and beyond the esoteric stage of Master/Mistress (that is, beyond The Abyss) can
fully synchronize with.

Exoterically, Wyrd can be considered to be the Cosmic fates of the individual (note the plural, due to the partly acausal
nature of Wyrd), as opposed to the simple, causal/linear, Destiny (fate) of the individual, and which Destiny can be dis-
covered by means of the Rite of Internal Adept.

This work is covered by the Creative Commons license Attribution-NoDerivs 4.0

and can be freely copied and distributed according to the terms of that license
 Diary Of An Internal Adept

Order Of Nine Angles

Editorial Preface

The Diary of an Internal Adept is a remarkable document that deserves to be

better known. The text below is a transcription of the handwritten journal of an
Occult initiate written in the 1990s: an honest and revelatory narration of the
three-month long O9A Grade Ritual of Internal Adept {1} undertaken in the
Outer Hebrides, and makes it evident that the anados (ἄνοδος) of the O9A
Seven Fold Way is a personal, a difficult, and an essentially pagan, quest which
in its fourth (Internal Adept) stage involves, as one reviewer wrote, "complete
oblivion for the ego". {2}

In an understated way it reveals the allegations, the assumptions, the

misinformation, the propaganda, the rants, of O9A critics and of the politically
motivated opponents of the O9A for the assumptions, the misinformation, the
propaganda, the rants, that they are.

As the author of the Diary writes:

"Looking back over the experiences of the last ten or so years, I felt a
new awareness beyond my own personal desires and goals. An
awareness of the essential goodness and unselfishness of people,
which can easily be missed, amidst the fervour of one's ego. It is an
awareness of the 'light' side that balances the fanatical 'dark'. To learn
to give in an unselfish way. To learn tolerance, and become part of a
greater struggle to bring human decency and honourable behaviour.
To do something for others, for no personal gain."

That is, as mentioned in several O9A texts ignored by O9A critics and by
opponents of the O9A, there is a transition to, an experiencing of, 'the
numinous' as opposed to the experiencing of 'the sinister' that marks the first
three stages of the Seven Fold Way. A 'numinous' experiencing - an
individuation - which is a prelude to the next stage: the Enantiodromia
(ἐναντιοδρομίας) of The Abyss which is a melding of and then a passing beyond
both 'the numinous' and 'the sinister'. {3}
Toward the end of the ordeal the author writes: "I feel absolutely replete with
creativity - music is growing within me: in some ways, this does  make me
impatient to return."

As he writes of his last day:

"I stood in the circle, and undertook a simple and spontaneous oath of
re-dedication. I chanted. I do not feel sad now - I am ready to return
to the world. I feel as if I have arrived at myself,  after this long
journey of my life so far.

I am very calm. When dawn appears with the first light of the Solstice,
this rite will end. I'm
not sure I quite believe it.

The "physis" that the author mentions several times was an "internal martial
art" taught in the 1980s and 1990s to a few O9A initiates, and was in many
ways similar to Tai Chi.

Although the author is anonymous, O9A aural tradition names him as "Christos
Beest".

The Diary is referenced by Senholt in the book The Devil's Party: Satanism in
Modernity, Oxford University Press, 2013, p.271.

TWS Nexion
Oxonia
2019 ev

{1} The rite - the ordeal - of Internal Adept exists in two forms, one lasting
three months, the other six months, and it is up to the candidate to decide
which one they will undertake, and whether or not they (i) will build their own
shelter and procure their own food by fishing, hunting, and gathering, or (ii)
take a tent and sleeping bag and purchase on a monthly basis such food
supplies as may be needed from a locality situated at a suitable walking
distance (c.10 miles). Whatever length of stay or means of shelter and food is
chosen the candidate can only take what they can carry on their own back.

The task is to live alone in an isolated, wilderness area for the specified period
with no contact with the outside world (except the little necessary if monthly
supplies of food have to be bought) and without any modern conveniences (save
for a tent and sleeping bag if required), with no means of measuring time (such
as by a clock or watch), using only candles for night-time illumination, a small
torch for emergencies, and having no communication devices (such as a mobile
telephone) and no means of reproducing music or any other form of
entertainment.

The rite is to live in such a simple way for the specified period, and it
recommended that the candidate keep a journal to record their thoughts,
feelings, and imaginings.

{2} The review of the Diary is given in the Appendix.

{3} Refer to Enantiodromia - The Sinister Abyssal Nexion, available at
https://omega9alpha.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/o9a-sinister-abyssal-nexion-
v3.pdf

DYSSOLVING

Diary of an Internal Adept  

March

21st: Should the above read "Internal Inept"? A terrible start. I am cold and
exhausted after  the journey, but weather has been wonderful. I did not do a
sufficient 'recce' of area, and  arrogantly based my plans according to a map.
Getting to this wilderness, burdened with my  home on my back, has proved
traumatic. Fool! First lesson?

I feel hungry. Upset - I miss J. To be honest, I have doubts about my ability -

perhaps this is  normal? I swing from one mood to the other. As I write, I can
see the comet above - it seems  encouraging. I feel frightened.

"Tomorrow is another day" and I really must take this one step at a time. I feel
... inept and  about to be exposed as a fraud. 

22nd: Collected a month's provisions - not a bad walk (twenty mile round trip)
but back- breaking on the way back - kept my mind busy, though. Fairly positive
today, particularly  after having explored some of the area; and it is beautiful -
exactly the right domain for the  ritual: treeless, rocky, mountainous ... 

I'm fine when I'm busy. This afternoon I was upset. All I can think of is the
Summer Solstice -  and yet , why can I not just "enjoy" this experience? Here
and now? I wait now for the night,  then I can sleep and one more day will be
over.

This seems an awesome task - wonderful to romanticise about, but as with all
things, the  living reality is ... many intense things. I am happy using here as a
base. It's been raining  lightly now for a few hours - it looks as if it has been
snowing on the mountains, which I can  see from the tent.

I cannot begin to think about what I am doing - I just must go through each day
... And see. I  don't see how I can do this; the tent is not really bearable to be in
during the day. Raining  heavily now. I must just do what I can. I will review the
situation a week from yesterday. 23rd: Better day, more settled - explored more
of the immediate landscape. Re-pitched the  tent - and thought I had lost the
tent pegs: I was almost overwhelmed with panic, which shows  how nervous I
am. This occurred as the afternoon rain started up, and I am paranoid about 
getting wet, particularly this early on. I have a fear of rain at present. I may
re-locate the tent  tomorrow to somewhere more picturesque - all the land here
is water-logged. Still, as the  weeks go on I am expecting the weather to
become drier and warmer!

When the Sun breaks through the clouds there is some happiness. There is also
simple  pleasure in doing simple tasks, such as washing cutlery! 

Horrors. Have just discovered five or six of what I presume are sheep ticks
embedded in each  leg. I have applied my insect repellant, pulled the bastards
out, applied antiseptic and plasters.  They must have pounced via my exposed
socks (I am wearing breeks - tomorrow I shall  permanently wear
over-trousers). Horrible moment - apparently they can cause fever, but  nothing
life-threatening. One on my hand.

Those little scum must live everywhere - still, it's their land. I've yet to earn
respect and trust  from Nature. This is horrible. It's still raining. Cold, damp and
feeling ill - already. 24th: Woke up feeling very unimpressed with the strong
sunlight and general beauty of the  weather. I only began to pick up when
cleaning cutlery! The weather remained bright and  clear, and helped to slowly
instill a sense of cautious well-being. That feeling keeps me  occupied, but fades
as the day progresses to evening.

This is all very difficult. I do not feel 'esoteric' in the least; or that I am fitting
comfortably  into the 'role' of 'Hermit'. I am a man missing his beloved terribly.
It feels cruel to be parted  like this, and the sense of three months stretching
before me seems too much to bear.

Anguish.

But this situation is my choice - I could leave if I wanted. I just know that if I
did, so much  would be lost; my path would effectively end - a staying at
'external adept'. I would perhaps  go on to live an enjoyable life composing
music - but that music would lack the ultimate  power that this ordeal can earth.
There would be the torture of what could have been  achieved. There would be
failure, within me, where it matters.

I think my problem is the knowledge of the length of time ahead of me. I must
try and become  detached from the time-scale; live within each day - each
moment in fact, each one acutely  felt. Tomorrow does arrive, bringing me one
day nearer to my goal.

  I do need a task to occupy my time. Perhaps I will try to carve something. This
whole  situation is difficult, sickeningly so. But each day completed is a
mini-triumph. I will endure. 25th: If I wrote this journal early each day there
would be positivity; as it is so far, the  evening brings such anguish and weeping
- I am haunted by the moment we parted. I worry  for her, and feel torn. A
period of such anguish then brings rest.

There is so much I can derive from this experience - so much loss and failure if I
"chicken  out".

Generally, my mood is one of contentment (it is still early days!). Today, apart
from this  evening, was my calmest yet. I spent a productive time contemplating
the tarot.

The weather has been bright and warm, and I sat in the sun like an old man in
his deck chair.  It is during the day when I see things which bring a sense of
well-being - ie. circling buzzards  (possibly some eagles too), and deer: two
hinds very close to the tent yesterday. And a stag  standing on a distant rocky
crag, as the sun set.

Night is approaching now - a time of great comfort when I don't have to endure
- just rest,  sleep. I am usually fairly tired at the end of each day, so sleep is no
problem. Although quite  cold. 

  Another day done - no further visits from ticks.

26th: Emotionally, a better day. I awoke before dawn, with the rain lashing down
on the tent.  I went out for some water and was caught in intense wintery
showers, sleet and some hail.

The river was engorged and raging. 

As the showers subsided, I went for a further recce of the area, and decided on
a place to re- locate the tent to - quite far from here, but it has a greater sense
of wilderness.

Content; I feel I am starting to accept/identify with the role - or rather, am

becoming it. Have  spent time sitting and watching the land - and listening.
Tonight, I watched deer on the  horizon, feeding.

27th: I relocated the tent and belongings to the wilder place. Today, I have felt
upset again,  my mood unsettled by the relocation - it took three trips
altogether, carrying all the stuff over  steep and hilly land. It really began to
irritate me.

Also weather very changeable - hail stones and very strong winds. As I write
this, the tent is  being buffeted by the strong weather, and the noise is
oppressive. But what do I expect in this  far Northern terrain, amid echoes of
Winter?

I am low today. Saw two hinds this evening, which cheered me. The wildlife has
that effect  on me. I also observed a frog today, coloured brown like the heather.
In fact, every life form,  including the flies, seems of the same brown colour -
except me in my bright red mountain  cap (a stupid colour).

I am not happy today. Perhaps I will become more ground down as the weeks
wear on; but  my resolve remains. In fact, the alternative of giving up seems
much more repellant now. The  'waiting' is not really that bad - as yet. Still
worrying about J. though, still tearful, at times. I am starting to get a feel for
how a day progresses, uncluttered by a timetable of modern life  and routine. I
am attempting to calmly let each day unfold and pass.

28th: Bad night last night - I froze as rain and hail continued to assault the tent,
and could  barely sleep. This morning was spent warming up in tent with hot
drinks, before venturing  outside. The rain persisted on and off throughout day.
It has been very grey, cold and damp  which has made me feel lethargic. Despite
conditions, I sat on a fallen tree by the burn, and  began carving a 'wand' for J.
This mindful act did go some way to easing an otherwise  depressing day. It is a
week today since beginning - I should be celebrating having reached  this far!
Yet it is obviously quite a pathetic 'achievement' compared to all the weeks, the 
months still to be endured. 

After a week, things seem more of a burden - but my mood has certainly been
affected by the  weather.

I feel irritated, slightly, by my predicament. Yet - on, on, it must be so. I feel
pissed off, to be  honest.

29th: It is possible to lose track of the day/date - even with diary as a reminder.
Since each  day has no form, no routine that I am used to, they tend to blur into
each other...

  More Wintery showers this morning, cold again, but weather quickly gave way
to the glorious  Sun. I marvelled at the Sun today, as my body responded to its
life-giving rays - I feel that I  have gained a new understanding/relationship with
the Sun ( which I have tried to capture in  an attempt at poetry), which seems
the first - albeit subtle - gift of this venture. Just a new  shift in perception.

Spent most of day carving by the river: it has, on the whole, been a good day,
but marred  slightly by a period of preoccupation with when I finish, on the
Solstice. Too far away to  happily dwell upon.

It's raining now. I feel a sort of detachment evolving re. my life prior to being
here. I have  accepted that I am going to see this ordeal through, so no longer
dwell emotionally on what I  have left behind. I feel 'I' as a personality am
disappearing into the landscape; not an  unsettling feeling, but, somehow,
something of a relief and quietly inspiring. This detachment  is not a rejection
or judgement of what I have left behind - rather, this is my life now, and the 
expression of the life that I am becoming.

Writing poetry and carving have given shape and purpose to the day. 30th:
Weather miserable for most of the day - cold, grey and raining. It has had a
depressing  effect - that coupled with a feeling of being a little physically run
down (beginnings of a 'cold'  coming on?). I have felt, for the first time, really
depressed, and sat by the river emotionally  drained. This heaviness continued
until early evening when, following the days only decent  meal (porridge!), I
continued to carve by the river and the Sun appeared, filling me once more 
with contentment - there was a loss of a certain dread that has plagued me for
much of day. Today, I sensed the awesome time factor ahead of me: tonight
there is a sharp coherence,  while earlier there was a lethargic, dulled and
blurred lack of awareness. Tonight, I feel  content.

31st: Last night, some living creature visited the tent. I awoke, in pitch
darkness - I literally  could not even see my hand before me - to the quiet but
determined sound of something  pulling things from my rucksack. I felt
unnerved to say the least. There was also intermittent  scratching at the edge of
the tent - something trying to get to the bag of rubbish that I keep at  the foot of
the tent. It was a horrible unknown, insistent sound and my mind began to run 
through the various options: rat; wildcat ...? It might have been a weasel or
stoat - whatever, it  had claws and incisors (I could hear it nibbling away). I was
disturbed. After lying still, my  heart racing, I shouted, made movement, and
went outside with a torch to see what I could  find. Nothing, of course.

Stupidly, I had been keeping my food rubbish in tent, so bound to attract

scavengers. I moved  the bag some distance from tent, ledging it amongst the
foundations of a crofter's cottage. I  then securely fastened my rucksack. 

From then on, I felt reasonably unbothered whether it returned or not - as long
as it did not  subject me to any carnivorous violence.

The skylark has just sung a brief song, which so far, at least here, I have taken
to be a herald  of rain. Today has been depressing. I woke up reasonably
confident, washed some clothes and  myself, in the stream by the tent. I
explored a part of the valley today. It is a very unsettling  place - really,
genuinely wild, exuding a sense of pre-human age that is too vast to cope with. 
There are no footpaths here, no tourist trails - just the fallen green husks of
elfin trees, slimy  boulders, and the vast violent cliff sides. Perhaps it is my
heightening sensitivities, but I have  never encountered such an atmosphere;
for a twentieth century city dweller (even one who  would be 'magickal') there
are no familiarities - just a sense of awe, of ancient fear ... I felt  unable to
progress too far, partly because I was caught in a very heavy bought of rain,
and  mostly because the valley is too overwhelming. I need to explore it
gradually, and build up  trust on both sides.

I returned drained and wet to the tent, and have stayed here since the
afternoon. Perhaps it was  the valley, but for the first time, I felt the beginnings
of real loneliness - real 'aloneness'. The weather, as ever, does effect my mood.
It is warmer tonight.

April

1st: The creature re-visited last night with a vengeance. The scavenging, and
the ferocious  winds worked away at my imagination - at my nerves! I do not
mind admitting that terror  began to grip me. The 'thing' at one point ran round
the inside of the flysheet. Then silence.  Then more gnawing and pulling of
plastic. I shouted and shone the torch about in a panicked  state. Silence - then
more nibbling; almost as if it was finding the situation humorous,  enjoying my
fear. The wind battered the tent - in this ancient place, miles from anyone and 
anything. I shouted again, and the reply I got was a deep and sudden guttural
exclamation -  too deep and strong for a little rodent. I was shocked into silence.
The gnawing, delicate and  intense, continued. Then, I remembered my own
magick, held the talisman around my neck,  and was calm. I went off peacefully
into sleep.

  This morning, I discovered that the varmint had eaten through the bag
containing my food -  and had eaten into the oats and rice. The size of the holes
were small, and obviously gnawed  at by a rodent - so cannot explain the deep
animal noise. I am no longer worried though, but  calm in myself. I have
wrapped and hidden all food in my rucksack, and firmly fastened it up  - so little
here now to attract a scavenger. No doubt it will return sometime tonight. But,
I  have sprinkled chilli powder over the rucksack, and a little at each entrance
to tent!

Today, from the start, has been miserable - weather again grey, cold, windy and
wet. It has  felt the coldest day yet. Very oppressive. I ventured out for a time,
as I could not stand just  lying in the tent. Sat by the river at various places,
then returned to tent, heavy with lethargy,  feeling cold. The river does not, at
times, lull me - rather its crashing rush seems to mirror the  chaos of feelings
within me, and can unsettle profoundly.

  However, after a hot evening meal (generally, a stock cube boiled up with a
little rice or pasta  added), I ventured out again when the weather calmed. I sat
high up, by the stream that  flowed down by the tent, fed from the rocky slopes
far above. I looked out across to the sea,  with its tiny islands, and felt a sudden
overwhelming feeling of tremendous awe and beauty -  a satori... The clouds,
like the life forms they were, moving perfectly, calmly and quickly  across the
sky; the fading light, so serene, and a speck of a tiny white cottage far over the 
sound, many miles on the other distant shore: all created a sense of my future -
of becoming  the mystery itself. I felt resolved then to return to the world when
the ordeal was over, and  make a way of life that would capture the essence I
felt. This feeling is difficult to describe -  perhaps in musick? This experience
made up for the drabness of today.

April ... time is passing. I am content with where I am and the journey so far
made. 2nd: A funny day. Weather, at last, quite beautiful - strong sunlight all
day. Feeling quite  positive (no scavenger last night, incidentally). I ventured up
the sheer face of the fells, and  found the small loch which is the source of my
stream - it was beautiful up there, and it felt  good to exercise my body after the
inertia of yesterday.

Afternoon was spent by the burn that flows from the valley, sitting on rocks and
taking in the  idyllic scenery. I even saw two eagles, playing in the sky. And yet,
I felt troubled. The  beautiful weather made me feel rather restless, and I
became ... bored, for the first time; with  oppressive miserable rain and cold,
the day is confined and dulled and passes quickly ... Missing J. again. My mind
has been rabbiting on, preoccupied with the mundane problems of  my life prior
to here, which certainly did not provide the tranquillity I needed. Also, I seem
to  lack creative inspiration.

Have decided to eat the oats attacked by the scavenger - hopefully no disease
will result. 3rd: I complained about the Sun yesterday, and have been repaid
today by cold, rainy, grey  weather - exactly what I wanted! Today has been
reasonable - started some creative writing,  and, having finished the wand,
began carving a 'river god'.

This morning was spent watching ravens dive in and out of the rain-mist - rest
of day, spent  carving by the river. Emotionally, I feel a little fragile; beginnings
of loneliness again. Still  content to be here - I am wake up now with feelings of
excitement about the challenge of the  ritual (these feelings lessen as day wears
on).

Scavenger, for now, turned away effectively. Perhaps some Sun tomorrow? (!).
It's raining  now.

4th: The two week mark has been reached - everyone in my past life joked:
"He'll be back in  two weeks!"

A difficult day in some ways. Weather has been of extremes - an hour or two of
beautiful  sunshine, followed by a spell of more Wintery showers; hail and sleet
and very cold.
Scavenger appeared briefly last night - it didn't stay long, since there is nothing
here to  scavenge; but its presence, its noise, wakes me up and unsettles me -
really annoys me, in fact. Woke up cold. Day spent walking and carving by river.

Felt very unsettled this evening - my life before this yet again encroaching.
Obviously, I can't  really expect just to place this to one side - after all, it's there
to be learnt from, via this ordeal. Also have been bothered now for some days by
a frequency, which I hear constantly. Have  noticed that it is loudest when by a
river - particularly when engorged by rain. Am I picking    up the vibration of
the water - its natural tone? It seems obtrusive at times, but appears to be a 
natural feature - so quite interesting. It sounds like a note from an organ key
permanently held  down (an 'A' perhaps?), and certainly seems external to me,
rather than some hearing defect. It  is cold tonight.

5th: Do not know whether early evening, afternoon or what - but have now
retired to tent  since weather is atrocious. Last night was freezing. It has been
snowing heavily on the  mountains but here, only a light flurry of snow and sleet
and a few heavy bouts of hail. When  not hailing, there is the ever present rain,
and now a heavy cold mist has enveloped the area,  which looks set to stay
throughout the night. The weather has not emotionally bothered me  too much,
and I have turned my energies to writing. My mind has been quietened today 
thanks to an attempt at a vow of silence (I have been talking aloud to myself far
too much -  driving myself to distraction in fact). I feel calmer, and subdued.

Food supply is running a little low, despite my rationing and meagre diet. Will
have to revise  my needs when it comes to fetching the next month's supply.

6th: Tent battered by rain and winds all night, and this morning found water
seeping in  through ground sheet. - not seriously, but obviously that caused
some worry.

Heavy rain finally cleared, and there is sunshine tonight, for which I am now
grateful. The  tent should dry out O.K. - but will re-pitch soon to a higher
plateau which does not seem as  water logged. Stream engorged.

I have approached today quite practically, generally re-arranging tent so it will

dry quickly. I  spent some time working on new septenary correspondences,
including a section on clouds -  based on my experiences and observations so
far. Spent time again by river, carving. 

Have felt tranquil, at one point nearly idyllic - although always the tinge of
caution, and  sadness over who I have left behind.

All in all, quite content to be here.

7th: Another cold and wet night; groundsheet was soaked and water started to
penetrate  sleeping bags. So, have spent today drying out and re-pitching tent.
The weather warmed up  slightly, which made life easier, but now it is raining
again.

So, woke up feeling grotty after an uncomfortable night. Once tent was
re-pitched, I ventured  someway into the valley and washed myself completely
in the rushing river. Water absolutely  freezing, but exhilarating to bathe naked
- afterwards, I felt refreshed and calm. Rest of day  spent carving and washing
clothes.

A quiet day of contentment. Scavenger still visits, but am not too bothered.

8th: Today I ventured up into the hills to explore the more distant lochs -
possibly to look for  a new site, since I feel more solitude is needed. By this I
mean that my current proximity to a  few ruined foundations of cottages is
causing problems - they are becoming an intrusive  reminder of human activity,
despite their intriguing presence. There must have been a thriving  crofting
community here, some centuries ago - there is still evidence of 'lazy beds'
carved into  the slopes.

The day began with a feeling of being rather jaded, lethargic, so felt some
strenuous climbing  and walking was in order. Having reached the summit, I
still felt worn and a little irritable -  until I entered a natural arena enclosing
one of the highest lochs. My mood changed instantly.  Here was one of the most
peaceful, natural and numinous places I had encountered so far. The  feeling
was strange - I actually fell in love, and the whole spirit of the place was
beautifully  feminine in a startlingly tangible way. It was like meeting a beautiful
woman.

All that could be heard was the gentle lapping of the water; and the
surroundings - just the  magnificent mountains, not a trace of 'civilisation'. I
resolved then to pack up the tent and  relocate, so investigated the area further.
Unfortunately, found the ground was very marshy  and waterlogged - but I was
still not put off. The views from the highest slope leading up from  the loch were
breathtaking - the great expanse of sea, all the islands... This all seemed to 
confirm that I should be there.

And then I noticed the signs of people - that is, litter, stuffed into rock crevices,
a crisp packet  in the water ... My precious feelings of isolation became eroded,
and I felt sad for this place,  to be subject to the stupidity and lack of empathy
so characteristic of modern people. The  surroundings began to unsettle me -
even the views, which I had once, from another vantage  point, shared with J.

Depression set in, and I descended the crags to my current site some distance
below - it looks  like I am staying where I am, for now.

Weather has remained rain-free and warm, and was able to restore some
positive feelings.  However, I am still attracted to that site, and have found what
seems to be a more gradual  route to the summit, which would make it easier to
relocate. Not sure.

I am having moments of deep loneliness. 9th: Scavenger appeared, really

pissing me off, but otherwise a decent sleep. Woke up feeling  a bit better than
yesterday, but gradually, quite quickly, on rising became depressed. Just lay  in
the tent for a while. Then dragged myself up and decided to walk to some other
high lochs.  The rain was torrential when I reached my destination, and I sat
utterly desolate by a really  grim looking loch, depressing in the greyness. I just
sat and watched the land becoming more  marshy, and felt the increasing cold
and damp. As I stumbled away back to the tent, I was  overcome with the
desolation of my predicament - feelings that have been building up over  the
past few days. I wept copiously in the rain. I felt that I had reached my limit of
tolerance -  that I had reached some internal barrier. No amount of reassuring
talk did any good. A natural  reaction at this point I suppose, one which has
arisen of itself, and that I could not control. So  I allowed the misery - and it was
Misery.

Got back to the tent and eventually calmed myself into a peaceful state, by
carving wood. And  have continued thus for the rest of day.

I am still here, and still able to continue.

10th: Scavenger again, but eventually, a good night's sleep. The weather has
remained good  today: sunshine, no wind - quite warm. I woke up feeling quite
positive. After my regular  dose of oats and water, I began what I aim to be a
regular session of physis: it felt good, and I  remain quite supple and feel well,
physically.

After that, I spent a large part of day by the river, carving, and pondering on the
Minor  Arcana. 

I feel better than I did yesterday - but do feel different, living with this sense of
desolation  which threatens always to break out. Today, I could identify my
feeling of unease as just  boredom - creativity is fine, but it doesn't fill a day.

Days are noticeably getting longer - due to the lengthening hours of daylight
and my own  unease. Have noticed with pleasure, that some trees in the valley
are starting to bud, and  primroses are emerging. Spring is spreading finally - at
one point, it seemed as if the grey and  rain and desolate landscape would
always remain.

An echo of Summer, then.

11th: Three week mark reached. This has been a special day: I have
experienced - all day - a  form of transcendence; almost one long and effortless,
flowing meditation. I felt a calmness  and unity with my surroundings which I
have not felt before - ever. I found myself not  dwelling on any one thing, but
often I would simply just listen, to changes in the wind, the  river ... I feel almost
happy. I write almost because I am rather cautious of this feeling - it is  perhaps
a special moment, which will not return tomorrow, or for a few days/weeks. But,
here  and now, this day has been one to remember, and to live for its return.

  I constructed a circle of eight stones for my physis practice, which I undertook

with great  enjoyment, and ease. The circle's presence has created an added
dimension to the site - I feel  like what I really am, or at least becoming: a
shaman.

Wrote more poetry, and pondered on further septenary matters. Weather has
been very fine  and tranquil, which of course helps my mood.

12th: Went to fetch month's supplies today - earlier than planned. My jaunt
began well - slow  and contemplative in the sunshine: it was good to see the
changes that had occurred since my  last outing, particularly the trees waking
after their Winter sleep.

  The way back was an ordeal - back-breaking in the relentless sun. The
experience became  absolute agony when I clambered - nearly crawled - over
the fells and moorland back to the  tent. But when finished, I felt a great sense
of accomplishment.

I attempted some physis later on, but was physically too tired. Concluded the
evening by  sitting in the circle, and, as last night, just listened - listened to the
land speak to me. I was  transfixed ... this really is a new sensation, and I am
beginning to feel different, in myself, as  though I have passed through a veil.
However, there are many more changes to come -  positive and disruptive.

Unpleasant dreams last night - and scavenger.

13th: Slept very well last night, not surprisingly. If scavenger did appear, I was
not aware of  it.

It has been an uneventful day; still feeling the physical effects of yesterday.
Carving;physis ...

  My mind has lapsed to my previous life, and so have felt unsettled by all those
unresolved  things. Have also felt a little bored; but spiritual feeling remains.
When my mind ceases to  jabber, I remain awed listening to the unfolding of
Nature.

14th: It began to rain early this morning, and when I did finally leave the tent,
the landscape  was wreathed in stratus clouds. Quite cold. Although my mood
remained positive, I found the  weather quite oppressive.. I became lethargic,
with a feeling of confinement and boredom. The day was rescued from misery
by a good physis session.

As the day wore on, I motivated myself to undertake what is now a regular
evening walk -  excellent; I felt a new controlled dimension of myself emerging.

I felt a little depressed about the weather, until I reminded myself that it was as
much part of  me as the sunshine. I began to meditate, and became moved by
the colours, how the heather  has darkened - all the land darkened - by the rain,
while the rocks stood out almost white  against the ruddy backdrop. I watched
the low cloud wreath around the peaks; listened to the  stream; felt a warming
of the temperature; noticed the differing colours in what is on  appearance a
dense blanket of grey sky... the land once more spoke to me, and today has 
concluded on another beautiful note.

15th: Woke again to greyness, but this began to break up during the day, and
occassional blue  sky appeared behind dramatic clouds. It has remained cold.

Did not venture far from tent today, initially because of mist, and then lethargy.
The physis  session was a bit of a struggle as my mind was distracted - all day
my mind has babbled on  about both mundane and esoteric matters, so have not
been very still in myself. I struggled to  gain control, and was able to conclude
morning session satisfactorily.

I spent some of the day searching for wood with which to make a wand for
myself. I do not  want to take anything from a living tree, so scavenged for
debris. While down by the burn, I  looked up and something shone at me, from a
distant tree. I made my way towards the tree  and found it was dead, so took a
large limb back to the tent. The shining object was fungus,  reflecting the Sun. I
thus felt the wood was meant for me.

But this sense of destiny did not continue as I attempted to carve the wood:
instead, it proved  a labourious job, and I became bored, and waited for the time
to boil up my evening "meal" -  at least that was something to do.

Another (minimal) physis session and then, not a meditation, but a further
session of babbling  mind to round off the day.

Today has been tedious - the only highlight being the sight of a half-Moon in the
blue of the  late afternoon sky.

16th: Had hoped to be now writing this in a new location, but was not to be. I
woke up to Sun  and pure blue sky. I decided then it was time to move on -
mainly because of a need for a new  experience, and my desire to feel even
more isolated.

  Packed up tent and rucksack, but had to leave food behind for a second trip.
So set off with  full heavy rucksack, for the area near the loch discovered some
time ago. I decided to follow a  deer path up the steep slopes above the Valley - I
had previously investigated this route, but  decided against it, it being too
dangerous (the 'path' rises up on a sheer slope which drops  straight down, far
into the Valley below). But, I decided to face the challenge.

So I ambled off - but not without some apprehension - and discovered very

quickly why I had  rejected the route in the first place. The 'path' was a difficult
climb anyway, but with a heavy  rucksack even more so. I was in a precarious
position, always walking at a steep angle, close  to edge, and the rucksack
would often lean too far towards the precipice. So at times, I would  be clinging
to the heather on the side of the slope to help me up. I slipped on several 
occassions - once shockingly so, the rucksack adding to my loss of balance - so,
decided to  turn back. On the final slip, I had to quickly remove the rucksack,
which was pulling me  towards the edge. The rucksack was thrown off, and slid
down to the edge, but did not go  over. I lay there for a while recovering my
wits, and then tackled the problem of retrieving the  rucksack, putting it on
again, and descending. This was done calmly and slowly and - thanks  to the
gods - I made my way safely back to tent.

After reflecting on the awfulness of the situation and the puniness of one
individual life, I  decided to go off exploring a new area, further into the
mountains. So, took up rucksack  again, and waded across the river. Steep
climbs, the weight of the rucksack, and merciless Sun  soon began to wear me
down - but continued walking for some time, aiming for a place  marked on
map, by a stream. Became quite light-headed and thirsty, so stopped by a river
and  bathed and drank (there is very little shelter here from the Sun).

Reached the area, but found it to be very marshy - water-logged as it tends to

be high up in the  peaks. However, I felt very attracted to the wilderness
environment, so began putting tent up.  The tent pegs slipped into the ground
as though going into soft butter - plus on withdrawing  my hands from the long
grass, I found them absolutely covered in small ticks. The area - also  rather too
exposed to strong winds - was obviously not suitable. I looked at a few other
areas  close by, but all was of same terrain. As evening began to appear, I
reluctantly decided, for  now, to return to previous location. 

I felt depressed - as though I was taking the safe option and copping out.
Anguished about my  reasons for returning (I also, in truth, did not really relish
the thought of making a second trip  for the food, being so exhausted), I set up
camp again, as before. I really have to be practical,  ultimately, and that place
just was not right - only on surface appearance. No doubt I shall still  anguish
over my decision tomorrow.

On the return trip, I put wellingtons on in order to wade through the rivers, so I
wedged my  walking boots into a space in the rucksack. As I was re-pitching
tent, I discovered I had  returned with only one boot - the other obviously
having fallen out, somewhere along the  route. A strong pair of walking boots
are, as I have found, absolutely essential in a terrain like  this, and the thought
of only having a pair of wellingtons for the next two months was a  terrible
realisation to taste. All this, because of my own stupidity, carelessness and 
complacency. Typical! I had to re-trace my route back to the marshy location -
difficult, since  there are no paths as such. I found nothing, and felt the gods
kicking me for my patheticness.  A harsh insight indeed, and I turned back, in a
very sorry state.

  Just before I reached the tent, only a few yards away, there, miraculously, was
the brown  boot, nestling in brown heather. I had been spared. I have never
fallen in love with footwear  before, but at that point we became very close.

Returned to tent feeling very tired.

17th: Today has been quiet and inactive - weather remained very sunny and hot.
Excellent  physis session this morning - although physically I am appearing to
suffer from yesterday's  exertions.

I have still felt a little knocked by yesterday, but remain sure that I did the right
thing in  returning. Also, best to re-locate when food is about to run out. Will
look again at another  area near the marshy land, soon. For now, I do not want
to be bothered with re-locating, but I  must try and resolve my inner unease,
and stop being so hard on myself.

Perhaps I have been too swayed by the romantic appearance of a place - but
that is just  appearance, as I am learning. Here, essentially, I remain in absolute
solitude. What is  achieved is achieved, regardless of the appearance of the
form...

Today, I have been bored and am feeling continuously hungry. Still, another day
done. 18th: A good night's sleep. Woke up to an almost unnatural stillness and
silence, which has  remained throughout day. Sky filled with blankets of grey
cloud, but still warm. All day there  has been a serene glow of 'evening light' in
the West - orange and yellow light. Tired, but  completed a physis session.

I went exploring for most of day, up into the peaks and found new and
accessible areas. I love  climbing up to high places and viewing the great
expanse of mountains and sea - with no  reminder of human beings in sight.
Only the occassional plane above reminds, even here - or  in fact anywhere in
this world - that there can be no complete escape from this causal time I  was
born into. A connection remains, intrudes, and that can sometimes be a little
saddening,  irritating. 

Returned to tent mentally and physically exhausted. For some reason, this
intense stillness has  not been welcome - it seems so absolute, I can't even hear
the river today. Strange. The land  does not seem to move - do I need external
stimulus? It has been like walking in a vacuum  devoid of anything.
Have retired to tent in daylight, as I can't stand anymore of today. Feeling
ground down with  the burden of this ordeal. Four week mark reached, but
there is no celebration. Too tired to  think or write any more.

19th: A quiet day. Still tired. Eventually got up, and had breakfast. The weather
was a little  livelier than yesterday: winds, and the Sun appearing off and on. I
cheered up slightly and  went for the highlight of the day - a bathe in the river
in the Valley. I t was good to liberate  my body of clothes, worn constantly as a
protection against the multitude of ticks that scour  the land. The Sun poured
through the Valley trees, glittering on the freezing, exhilarating  water. It felt
good to be really clean. Discovered a good piece of wood for carving.

  Returned to tent, refreshed, and undertook a physis session. Perhaps I am

over-doing the  session, or my diet is imbalanced, but I am left feeling physically
exhausted for rest of day. Idly carved, and practised the Olenos chant. Towards
evening went for a walk up to a peak,  and rested on a high crag which gave a
panoramic view of the sea and islands, and mountains. Feeling reasonably
high-spirited, now.

20th: Another quiet day, although last night strong winds assaulted the tent,
and kept me  awake. Still strong winds today, but brilliant sunshine and
absolutely clear blue sky. Woke up  feeling exhausted again. Tried physis, but
my legs could not stand the strain - I imagine this  physical life is taking its toll,
as well as meagre diet. Despite the meagreness, I enjoy the  austerity - food
now seems a luxury and often a spiritually (and physically) dulling  indulgence.
Not much is really needed, and the simplicity of my life here appeals and seems 
spiritually cleansing.

Still, suffering through lack of something - perhaps not drinking enough water.
Tired, tired,  tired.

Forced myself to go for a short walk, and spent afternoon resting in heather.
May take it easy  for a while, until I feel physical vitality returning. Just sitting
in different places around my  site delays the tedium. 

I feel reasonably alright within myself - but really, feel too drained to motivate
myself to do  anything creative. So, tinges of boredom. Never mind, another day
has been endured. 21st: The day I have been crawling towards has finally been
reached - the one month mark.  Weather turned much colder today, with strong
winds. Stayed in the tent for most of the  morning, inspired by a sudden burst of
creativity. This passed time away quite fruitfully. Eventually forced myself to do
a short walk, and rested as per yesterday. I reflected on the  time so far spent. I
suppose I should feel a sense of achievement, but do not - rather, I feel 
lethargic, but eager to continue and complete the month ahead. Still much more
to be  experienced.
A month is definitely not enough time in which to create real Change (if the rite
was limited  to a month, it would simply be a holiday). I feel that if I returned
now, whatever changes that  have occurred would recede and I would be as I
was before the rite.

I am developing a sense of perspective on my previous life - an objectivity that

could not be  bred amidst the clutter and fast pace of everyday urban life. Many
things now seem trivial  indulgences; many patterns of behaviour now seem
blind to me, fitting unconsciously into  some acceptable social/domestic regime.
I thought I was really different to others, but in so  many ways I had not seen
before, I too have been one of the masses, swept along with all the  rest on the
great wave of mediocrity.

Even most foods seem unnecessary and decadent. But even so, I marked today
by eating  tinned haggis - that great spiritual food. It was a spiritual experience
- utter joy. I remain very  hungry but very content with my monastic diet of
purity and simplicity.

  Still resting, doing very minimal physical exercise; I assume my strength is

returning. Have  been drinking more water. The colder weather helps to enliven
me - I hope rain is imminent,  as the streams are running very low. No
scavenger for several nights, so am sleeping well. On  with the next month!

It is now raining lightly.

22nd: Night of strong winds and driving rain. Woke up to bright sunlight, but
winds still  powerful, and temperature cold.

Re-located tent today to a much wilder, isolated location (gradually the need to
be away from  all things human - even dead reminders - became urgent). I
undertook this over two trips; not  too arduous. I am on a plateau, slightly
sloping, up in the hills. The outcrops provide a natural  arena. I feel very
hidden, very content.

Had to re-pitch tent: it was in a rather exposed (to the elements) place, and
facing lengthways  into the North wind (wind from this direction seems the
most prevalent).

I am next to a tiny stream, flowing from the earth and rocks a little above me -
that and a  nearby small spring will hopefully suffice for water. I am much
happier and glad I mustered  the energy to come here.

A practical and reasonably positive day. I have not dwelt on anything in

particular. 23rd: Quiet night on weather front, but had an uncomfortable sleep
as tent is pitched stupidly  on a slope. Will get used to it though, and re-pitch in
a week or so.
This morning was idyllic as I sat in the heather on one of the many immediate
peaks that I can  choose from in my new location. The Sun stayed out most of
today, and the cold winds died  down. I sat for what seemed like a long time,
just listening, and absorbing the view. My mind  felt almost at peace - until my
inner mundane voice began babbling, and took over, debating  away on the
incidents of my previous life. I became more unsettled, began to think of J, and 
gradually became worn down and depressed. My physical energy waned again.
No anguish,  just an eroding lethargy which not even the beautiful mountains or
sea could dispel.

But the day has passed as it always does. My evening 'meal' - boiled stock cube
and a few  grains of rice - is becoming a definite highlight: it appeals to (but
does not assuage) my  hunger, and marks the closing of another day.

  Perhaps it is my lethargy, but I seem to have left behind that archetypal

shaman/mystic  persona that so imbued me up until now. The idea of carving a
wand seems rather pathetic - as  does all the paraphernalia that makes up the
'magickians' kit. This is not because I have lost  faith or empathy with the
'esoteric', but because I feel, almost intangibly, that the essence, the  source, of
that form now lies close to me, residing in moments without struggle, when I
seem  to need nothing. When I am listening, and just being. Such a feeling
appears and then fades: I  can't expect to lay aside my life prior to here,
although often I wish I could. I must try once  more not to dwell too much, and
allow the time to flow.

  24th: What a Hell of a day. Yesterday, there was boredom in the sun. This
morning, quite  early, I was woken by torrential rain and very strong winds. The
weather here changes so    quickly. There were signs last night of approaching
rain - a halo around the setting sun, and a  haze of grey cloud. But the weather
was so peaceful and clear, that I thought little of it.  Yesterday, I was becoming
complacent and the weather encouraged a feeling of ease  concerning this
ordeal - a sense of triumph.

But today Nature was savage. I woke to the inner groundsheet swimming with
water; beneath  me, a hollow upon which I had pitched my tent was also welling
with water. All around, the  sound of rushing water. The inner tent was soaked,
so I took it down and attempted to dry it  by lying on top of it.

Remained calm, but cold and wet - and had a breakfast of hot water and  oats.
The inner became drier, but as I put it up again, I noticed pools of water steadily
filling;  gradually, they overflowed and once more soaked the inner tent.
Obviously a stream that had  been sleeping was awoken by the heavy rain
during the night, and I was pitched on its course.   I scrambled outside in the
deluge to find bracken and heather to make a dam. Outside was  wreathed in
fast moving thick cold cloud, and the rain and wind was fierce. The whole site 
thundered with engorged streams, furiously rushing down to the big river
below. My attempts  at dam building were pointless, and as myself and all my
belongings became soaked, I  realised I would have to re-pitch the tent. I found
a small patch of ground slightly raised  above the flowing waters, and struggled
against the winds and rain to re-pitch. The wind tried  to tear the tent from my
hands, and I shouted at and to the Gods in defiance, and desperation. 
Eventually I triumphed, but the inner tent remained a good while crumpled in
the water,  lashed by the rain; all that it contained, including sleeping bags, was
thoroughly drenched. I  hauled the inner tent under cover, and fetched other
stranded belongings.

I spent dreary hours then trying to dry out everything - by again, lying on inner
tent. I became  colder and more disheartened, and tent remained soaked.
Eventually I put it up anyway, took  off my wet clothes, got into the sleeping bag
and made a hot drink.

And that's the current state of play - everything damp, but now I am fairly
warm, and the  location of the tent should ensure no problems tonight - but I
remain cautious. The winds have  lessened, but the rain persists. Now I just
need to remain warm and dry. Tomorrow - please: a  bit of sun and dryness?

For a time, I rather enjoyed the challenges of today, in contrast to the ease of
yesterday. Being  a day of practicalities, my mind has been occupied away from
the morbid, inward and petty  preoccupations of late. I can't say I feel
wonderful though - I'm certainly not happy. Still,  another day slips away.

25th: The rain continued for most of last night, but I was able to sleep well.
Woke up early to  Sun and dry weather - thanks to the gods!

An inactive day - sat and watched the sea and islands and mountains. Last night
amidst the  darkness and rain, I became possessed with a sense of destiny
regarding the role I had lived  before coming here. This desire spread into my
dreams. It was exciting, but daylight has  brought a reality, and the esoteric
essence is where I belong. Much concerning the next few  years has come to
light, and I know what I must do on my return.

After the ordeal of yesterday, I decided to do very little. Attempted physis

half-heartedly.  Dwelling on J. a lot, and missing her. But the day has passed
quickly, and its gentle nature has  been appreciated.

  The weather has remained sunny, but cold - clouds very turbulent, and there
was a short lived  attempt at rain earlier on. Another day done.

26th: Coldest night so far last night - the cold woke me up several times.
However, finally  slept and woke to bright sunshine and clear blue sky. Despite
this, my mood on waking was  irritable, my mind once more dwelling on
mundane aspects back 'home'. I decided to go for a  good walk to exorcise my
mood.
On this walk, I discovered some new - breathtaking - isolated areas. Although I
remained  unsettled, the walk did calm me a little. I experienced a lovely 'light'
esoteric incident, by a  delightful stream, as I chanted "aktlal maka" to the pitch
of the flowing water ... Returned to site and undertook physis, which was
fulfilling. Spent some time absorbing  myself in the view of the sea.

I still sometimes dwell on the end of the rite, but I must take time to savour this
unique  experience - the land is so wonderful. But I do feel lethargic, and a little
depressed. It seems I have pitched the tent on an ants nest. 

So another day done. "Each day completed is a mini triumph", I keep reminding
myself.  Feeling pissed off.

27th: Woke up to rain this morning. The sky grew threatening as the day
developed, but rain  never surpassed a miserable drizzle. Now, this evening, the
Sun has appeared. First  comfortable night's sleep for a while.

I took myself off climbing the peaks, and sat atop high crags, meditating on the
view. For a  time, despite the cold winds (almost an echo of Winter) and the
drizzle, I felt nearly happy.

As I woke, I was possessed with a clear understanding of what I have been

trying to live and  achieve on the Path so far: everything seemed to make sense,
whereas before, there was a  vague awareness driving the practical living. This
experience took me climbing high, with  Promethean zeal. Gradually though, my
own fervour, together with the cold and damp and  greyness, began to wear me
out. I returned to the tent depressed, and lay within for quite a  while, in a
stupor. Sun appeared quickly towards end of day, and my positive mood partly 
returned. Undertook a good physis session.

Once again I explored the site I had mooted as a potential new home, but found
that my  instincts had been right - the place was a marsh. A day is done.

28th: Woke again to greyness and icy cold. All day, the threat of rain - but only a
slight  shower. The sky is very turbulent - I hope this does not herald a major
bout of rain a la the  24th - or gale force winds. However, this could blow over,
and reveal a clear sunny day  tomorrow.

I began the day by constructing a new circle of stones, where I shall practice
physis - looking  over to the mountains in the south, and the sea to the west.
The circle at my previous site  seemed to make a lot of difference - it seemed
then to draw magickal energies from the earth.  Today though, the gesture
seemed 'naff' - an entirely romantic gesture not really suited to the    person I
am at present. At least, it is an evocative place to sit, from where I can
contemplate  the view. 

Undertook a physis session, which was rather a strain. I then climbed the same
route as  yesterday, and sat high amidst the promise of storm. I do not seem to
need to do anything - i.e.  carving, creative work - and I do not put this down to
lethargy: rather, perhaps an  internalisation is beginning whereby those things
that I am realising about myself now can be  dis-covered by a most natural of
ways: sitting, walking and dwelling within the landscape. The day has passed
reasonably comfortably, but I do feel physically and emotionally tired -  almost
like I've had enough. But! I must endure, and I must endure for a long time!
29th: Again, more rain this morning. Stayed in tent until it subsided.

I emerged to what appeared to be promising weather, and had my breakfast of

oats and water  outside. Blue sky occasionally appeared between the ragged
grey clouds, and the Sun was  sometimes visible behind a thin veil. Quite warm.

I stayed outside and began to write, and ponder, with great inspiration, on some
septenary  aspects that have lain within me, unanswered, for years. So the day
began well, with a  focussed mind - aided by taking a vow of silence (since I
often talk aloud, which has a more  disturbing effect than an elucidating one).
My ponderings held at bay any personal morbid  preoccupations - which shall
no doubt plague me again.

However the weather developed into a - less devastating - replay of a few days
ago: the area  became swathed in mist and sheets of heavy rain. Spent much of
the day in the tent,  continuing my ponderings. Completed a poem.

I did venture out to the 'stone circle' which seemed wonderfully primeval in the
white mist,  and undertook a physis session, which was reasonable. Once back
in the tent, I grew colder,  and so had a hot meal.

The rain has now ceased, and sky is clearer, but I am not taking anything for
granted, as rain  may return with a vengeance in a few hours. Weather wise, it
has been a miserable, cold past  few days. It has been oppressive and a little
wearing - but I know it will change, presently. In  slightly better spirits today.

30th: Another good night's sleep, but rain has returned, furiously. Waited in tent
for ages for  rain to subside. Eventually, I crawled out into the now light drizzle
and heavy mist. Light  glowed through the mist, in the West, and I sat for a long
time in the stone circle, waiting for  the Sun.

But the light faded, and the land remained gloomy, dark and very cold. I
undertook a walk to  keep warm, and the rain began to ease. In afternoon (?)
again, a bright light brought promise  to the Western horizon. I sat on a crag
and waited for the sky to clear. It did not, but instead  became colder.

Outside, now, very cold - but perhaps a drier and brighter day tomorrow. I'm
getting fed up  with the weather - the cold is wearing me down. But what do I
expect? Part of me accepts the  state of play, but really, another few days of this
will make things intolerable.
I feel cold and confined, and yet positive. Some revelations concerning the
septenary have  warmed my soul. I feel progress is being made in this ritual,
and am pleased at having got  thus far. I feel confident about what is to follow.

My sex drive seems nearly non-existent: fantasies seem sordid and pointless.
Perhaps my  sensual self is being re-defined as I shed my cultural conditioning.
Some affectations seem to  be disappearing - I will be curious to see what
remains. But really, in these conditions, food  and warmth are upmost in my
mind, since they are essentials.

Plodding on.

May 

1st: Rain continued hard throughout the night and this morning, thus I was
confined to the  tent once more. Ventured out when rain had ceased - sky, land
and temperature as yesterday. I  was in good spirits though, as more esoteric
and creative realizations occurred. However, the  cold and returning rain began
to wear me down again, and I returned to the tent after a short  walk, tired, cold
and fed up. Lay in tent, in a state of misery.

Out again when rain stopped. The land seemed warmer, and a promising light
appeared on the  horizon. I stood by the stone circle, my mind for once silent,
and I absorbed the sounds and  sights.

Eventually hunger - an almost constant companion now - and cold forced me

back to make  my evening meal. The temperature did seem to rise, and the light
began to spread. The sky is full of clouds, but they are Sun-tinged, and there is
a stillness which seems to  promise that the grey rainy weather may pass
immanently - but I've thought that before. But  tonight feels a little different.

Mentally and physically very tired.

2nd: Woke to glorious sunshine, and the weather has remained hot all day. I
spent this  morning washing a shirt, and wrote some literature for distribution
when I return - I seem to  have learnt - in the sense of knowing the reality...

So much creative work to do when I get back. I ventured out last night - the sky
was still  cloudy, but it was quite warm, and it was exhilarating to see the land
transformed in silence  by the night.

For the rest of today, I went for a long walk into the high peaks, slowly following
a circuit  back to the tent. I spent a lot of time sitting by one of the lochs.
However, physically it all  seemed a great strain, and I returned exhausted.
Perhaps the sunshine has drained me -  perhaps it is my diet: I am hungry all
the time, craving sweet things in particular. Perhaps I  am also worn down by
the debates still going on in my head.

  I have retired for the evening, shattered. Another "mini triumph"

accomplished. 3rd: Cloudy sky on waking, but warm. The cloud quickly made
way for intense sunshine,  which has remained all day. When I left the tent I was
still very tired, so the day has been  physically inactive.

However, time has not been wasted, as I spent many hours this morning
writing, and covered  much ground. Rest of day was spent lying in the heather,
and watching the sea and mountains. Again, I have felt absolutely drained -
perhaps exposure to the Sun? The intense sunlight will  probably continue
tomorrow, judging by the evening sky.

Unfortunately, again, a scavenger is visiting at nights and seriously disturbing

my sleep. It  will give up eventually once it realises there is nothing here for it.

There are certainly some strange bird (?) sounds at night. Writing of which,
though not  strange, I have had the pleasure of listening to a polyphony of
cuckoo calls during the day, for  the past week or so. Summer is approaching.
Emotionally, I'm fine - but missing J.

4th: A good night's sleep. Woke to bright sunlight - heat intense, but relieved
slightly by  occassional breeze. This evening, the sky was covered in a uniform
blanket of grey, obscuring  the Sun - an ominous herald. Sky red on horizon.

Day spent as yesterday, and more good written work achieved. I seem to be
re-discovering my  occult Destiny: this time round, it involves conscious
decisions rather than being swayed by  unconscious forces. Interestingly, many
of those old forces are being re-visited, and still  found valid. But it is I who am
in control, this time round (famous last words). This unfolding  of Destiny is
making me a little unsettled - a little restless to leave and implement what I
have  learned. But there may well be more to learn - I still have a lot of time to
experience here. Physically a little better, although heat still draining. Drinking
plenty of fluid.

After a very over-salted evening meal, I sat for a time in the stone circle looking
out to the sea  and islands: it was quite moving, as though I were gazing upon
the living landscape of the  'Maiden of Wands' card. The light was serene,
everything still.

I remain a little tired, and a touch emotionally unsettled - but another day,
another psychic  dollar.

5th: Something about last night's meal strongly disagreed with me, and I spent
an  uncomfortable night feeling ill, and not sleeping until just before dawn. Also
rain returned in a  replay of that April day, and thundered down onto the tent.
Did not leave the tent this morning for quite a while because of torrential rain,
and illness. I  seemed to have 'flu' like symptoms, so had a hot drink. Sun
appeared, dramatically and  briefly.

I am exhausted beyond anything yet experienced - it seems an exhausting task

just thinking. I  feel very low and vulnerable in this state of illness, and just
want to regain my strength. Some  diarrohea. Mild food poisoning? - some
butter used last night tasted rancid.

For the latter part of day, my mind has gone into overdrive re. esoteric
revelations. I really  need to quieten my inner self down - approach things in a
more meditative way.

Sky is looking ominous, and wind has picked up. Rain will return, I think. I need
strength. 6th: I went into flu mode as I settled to sleep last night: muscle pains,
high temperature -  general physical discomfort. I did not sleep or really rest,
particularly when nausea set in. I  became very hot. The rain did appear, but
briefly, with strong winds.

As light approached, I felt utterly wretched, headache and nausea quite strong.
So have spent  all day in tent, trying to rest and recover. This seems like food
poisoning.

Ventured out briefly tonight. The weather has been very turbulent: a mixture of
strong  sunshine, occassional hail storms, and strongest winds yet.

Perhaps I will sleep better tonight, and regain my strength. The boredom,
mental anguish - all  are ultimately bearable; but physical illness is wretched in
this situation, exposed as I am to all  that Nature wishes to throw at me. A
dreadful day.

7th: Became very cold last night as I settled to sleep - icy, the coldest yet.
Nevertheless, did  eventually sleep well. I woke to strong winds, and heavy
snow. The snow has continued all  day.

Still feel poorly, so have again spent day resting. Have had quite a bit of
diarrohea. But, have  also fasted all day, and gradually feel as if my health is
improving. Now that recovery seems  imminent, I am in better spirits.

Not much more to add - an unpleasant few days. Right now, the early evening
Sun is shining  on the tent. Snow has stopped, and winds dropped. All could
change again though, within the  hour.

8th: As I settled to sleep last night, the temperature dropped, and snow began
to fall again.  This time very heavily, and the tent began to sag under its weight.
Still had illness, which  added to discomfort.
When I woke, it was raining, and bitterly cold. All day, brief periods of wintery
showers, and  occassional sunshine. I ventured out for a while, but was
eventually back to seek shelter by  rain and very strong North winds - the
clouds above raged grey within the wind. Returned to  tent, but grew very cold
just remaining inert, so with a great effort of will, I went out again.  The rain
began to ease. Despite a difficult, exhausting start, I got into the rhythm of
walking,  and my spirits rose, taking a delight in the transformed, rain-engorged
land.

As I approached a peak, I saw a fox ambling across my path, very close. It

stopped, and we  both stared at each other for a moment: it was a beautiful
creature - such vivid colour amidst  the drabness and bleak grey. After the
moment, it ran off, away, occassionally looking back to  see if I was following. I
went on, in another direction, feeling warmed by this meeting. The  weather
changed then to a blizzard; utterly cold - so made my way back.

Feeling better, physically and spiritually. Now rain has returned, but I sense the
weather will  change for the better, shortly. Another day.

  9th: The rain ceased last night, but it became freezing; still, slept reasonably
well. Awoke to  warmth and sunlight, feeling energised - at least, in the spiritual
sense. Re-pitched tent today,  within current location.

Forced myself to go for a walk, which was still a bit of an effort. But, I did
discover new and  very beautiful areas - a place where there stands large
columns of shining rock quartz;  astonishing.

Weather remained very fine; the sky deep blue, but dominated by clouds of
varying types:  interesting to see such apparently conflicting activity, suggesting
several possibilities for  weather - all at once, in the one sky, blending and
creating the overall condition of today; just  like sinister magick. The mountains
are capped with snow: against the vivid blue, they are a  magnificent sight.

My spirit has recovered from my illness, but - and yes, it is tedious to repeat - I
am still  physically tired. 

Feel a little bad tempered today - perhaps exacerbated by the return of my

jabbering mind.  Onwards.

10th: Freezing again last night, but slept. Sun appeared this morning and has
stayed all day,  though there was a brief shower of hail in the afternoon. Spent
the morning washing clothes,  then went on a long walk. This took up the rest of
the day, since I rested for long periods of  time in various beautiful places. I
decided this morning to attempt to not dwell on anything  too much, and my
mind remained fluid and relaxed. Walk was good, and did not exhaust me. I am
still in an irritable mood - at times impatient with the very slow pace of things,
anxious  as I sometimes am to return to 'civilization' and create; at other times,
I am content, and  content to endure.

I feel very at ease simply walking and sitting and pondering upon the landscape
- mostly, I  feel that nothing else is needed. I have little to offer in observing
changes within, since I have  ceased to bother observing: I am just existing in a
very quiet, mostly patient way.

11th: Good night's sleep, and warm. Woke to Sun. I was fine for a little while,
but on rising  and leaving tent, I became depressed. I still feel irritable. My only
desire this morning was to  spend the day rotting in the tent; but, I forced
myself out on a walk. This turned out to be very  short, as I got bored. The
weather has turned much colder, and all day it has threatened to  rain. This
evening, rain still seems immanent. Cold wind.

  I have felt worn down in every respect today, lacking positivity. I seem in poor
shape,  physically. Very hungry. Cold, feeling a bit empty within. And yet, I have
held on to my  objectivity, and understand why I feel this way; and feel this is a
phase, as rain is a phase. One  day soon, I shall wake up feeling wonderful,
consistently. Must push on. May the gods send  warmth.

12th: Slept well again, and woke to light rain. Stayed in tent until rain had
eased to a drizzle,  then set off on a new walk to investigate an alternative
route, down from the hills to a track  that leads eventually to the road - in
preparation for the trek to fetch next month's supplies. 

Weather remained grey and drizzly, and I, much to my frustration found my

walk hampered  by ever-present exhaustion. I saw the fox again - much the
same encounter as before: a lovely  moment. The new route took me down
through a wood of scots pine. It was almost a shock to  be amongst so many
trees, after having lived thus far on craggy, desolate moorland. The scent  and
stillness was quite profound. I arrived at a point where I could see the road, in
the  distance: "civilization". I turned back then to the wilderness, feeling a
heavy sadness.

I found my return journey tiring, and began to dread the coming ordeal of
fetching supplies.  Then I remembered my will power and what it could
accomplish, and placed the coming  ordeal in a positive context: a challenge to
be overcome. Also, this will be my last journey to  fetch supplies.

I have recently felt at my lowest so far. I have felt very pissed off, and generally
unsettled and  uncomfortable. I move my limbs like an old man.

Spent this evening sitting within the stone circle. The weather has brightened:
Sun, no rain,  but clouds very dramatic and turbulent above. Still quite cold.
During the time within the  circle, I felt some of my old energy returning. I
began to think more positively, and I returned  to the tent feeling renewed. 
I almost feel as if I am reaching the end of my persona - I have exhausted my
personality it  seems. How trivial I have seemed. Now there is just a waiting.

I must not forget that I am in a beautiful and wonderful place - that it is a

privilege to live  here, in this way.

13th: The weather has been atrocious today: heavy rain, and very cold. Went out
for a walk,  but weather drove me back after a short time. Spent a lot of time
festering in the tent, but was  able to sit for a time in the stone circle. Increase
in wet weather put a miserable end to this. But my spirit has been encouraged,
despite the misery, by a return of energy, which has  helped physically. Dwelt on
some magickal matters today. Things are not too bad, I suppose. I can accept
the weather in all its guises, since each guise is necessary - and appropriate 
to/part of where I am at in the ritual. I always imagined the second month to be
the most  difficult. Another day gradually passes away.

14th: Weather abysmal. Rain, rain, rain. Stayed in tent for hours this morning;
even when a  meagre piece of sunlight appeared, I felt unmotivated. However, I
was able to realise some  Tarot concepts, so not an entire waste of a day. I did
manage to rouse myself for a walk,  which was lacklustre and depressing. Rain
has persisted all day, though not as cold as it has  been.

I have become fed up with waiting for my trip to fetch supplies, so will set off
tomorrow -  food is very low anyway.

Very fed up: after my illness, all I can think about is food. I want to return to my
almost  settled, contemplative self - a self which resided in the environment and
ritual, not in a  craving for chocolate. Still, this is all part of it. I must admit to
feeling a little concerned about  the ordeal to collect supplies, since I seem to
lack the strength I had earlier on in the rite.   

However, I am determined to meet the challenge with my greatest asset - my

will. Very grim. Another ******* day.

15th: Today has been a Triumph of the Will. I set off early amid light rain. My
initial  apprehension and tiredness began to vanish as I walked the road. On
either side, the trees  were shimmering with young vibrant leaves, and their
presence - the green and its scent  heightened by rain - filled me with absolute
joy. I seemed to draw strength from the trees, and  my determination grew as I
reached my destination.

I bought all that I needed to ensure a comfortable - but still spartan - remainder
of the rite. The  walk back, in torrential rain at first, was a wonder to me. I
strode onwards bearing the heavy  weight without resting. I was imbued with
the sheer determination to overcome, and that  walk, difficult though it was
towards the end, seemed over much more quickly than the  previous trips. The
end was a triumph, and the Sun appeared.
I am exhausted in a rewarding way. Today was just what I needed, something to
break the  awful lethargy. I feel re-vitalised with magickal power, knowing
myself again, and what I am  capable of when I return to the world - and the
world shall know it!

But I am not complacent: there is still time to endure.

16th: Unfortunately, a bad night. The same bout of illness reappeared..

Strangely, I was far  from hungry last night as I ate my evening meal - and the
meal made me feel uncomfortable. I barely slept last night, due to constant
diarrohea - every five minutes it seemed I had to go  outside; sometimes digging
new holes. The weather was cold with strong winds, which briefly  caused some
concern about the tent. I slept a bit this morning, after dawn.

Not having eaten today, the sickness has subsided. I hope I can rest tonight. The
day has been  spent lying ill in the tent. I have attempted some writing, and
weather, thankfully, has been  calm and warm. My spirit remains strong.

17th: An excellent night's sleep, and I awoke feeling, for once, fit. The light this
morning was  quite beautiful: dawn is one of my favourite times - the stillness is
inspirational.

Day has been uneventful: very hot, merciless Sun in a cloudless sky. I have
sought the shade  of large rocks, and have written, a little. I felt a bit bored and
unsettled for a while, but once I  relaxed and let the day wash over me, I was
fine. Not much has happened - within or without. Have recovered my health, for
which I give thanks.

18th: Again, a good night's sleep. The sudden strong wind last night heralded a
change in the  weather, and this morning I woke to rain and greyness. I was not
unsettled by this - in fact the  drop in temperature was welcome. Rain didn't last
long, and I went for a long walk. I enjoyed  the experience of wandering further
into the land, into new realms. There was a strong  easterly wind on the peaks
which was enlivening. I felt a return to form.

    I've become much calmer and quieter within myself. My mind no longer
becomes embroiled  in some irritation from my past life, but lets thoughts flow
and pass, like the water around me.  All quiet, in every respect.

19th: Felt lazy again today, but forced myself to go for a decent walk - the
weather remained  bright, though there was the threat of rain. The walk was
good, and I enjoyed the quiet  meditation of it, and the peace of the land.

On returning to the tent, it began to rain quite lightly and has continued
throughout this  evening. I felt confined within the tent, and unsettled in myself
- with a slight return of the  jabbering mind. Still, I feel fine really. Days seem to
be washing over me at present, and I am  sleeping well. During my walk today,
confronted by the beauty and stillness, I realised that I  will be sad to leave this
place that is becoming home.

Another day washes away.

20th: A bad start. Absolute lethargy on waking up. Totally unmotivated. Had a
bad night's  sleep - woke up wracked with hunger, and became very restless. I
suppose I've lost a lot,  physically, through the illness. Have spent today craving
food. I never seem to have enough to  eat.

I attempted to revive this morning from its stupor by visiting the valley, and
bathing in the  great river there. This turned out to be a beautiful experience, as
the Sun stayed all day,  enabling me to lie naked on the rocks, bathing in the
warmth. I plunged myself wholly under  the freezing rushing water - almost
heart-stoppingly cold; but bursting out into the sunshine  was wonderful. It
sounds so hackneyed, but I really did feel free.

I returned perhaps too early to the tent, for the afternoon was spent idling
around, waiting for  the time to eat. My hunger and craving brought my mood
down slightly. Eating now has  become a Holy experience - I can see how food is
so taken for granted back in civilization. I  thank the gods after each evening
meal.

I have lost a lot of weight - none of my clothes fit properly. I am a little unsettled

again.

21st: Two months accomplished, and I woke early after a good night's sleep,
feeling very  positive, and allowed myself to feel proud of having got thus far.
Reaching this point has  really made a difference - I see now that some of my
unsettled moods were partly to do with  the interminable crawl towards this
stage. 

The weather has remained hot all day. Went for another long, slow walk, and
appreciated the  great beauty of this wilderness land. Found weather a little too
hot though, and returned to  tent, drained. Although I am pleased to have a
sunny spell, I do now wish a bit of rain as  water levels are getting low - the
spring from which I take my water is just a trickle. Today's walk passed some
time, and allowed me to dwell on further insights into myself. I  feel reasonably
settled in myself - perhaps a little too eager to complete each day, when I  really
should be savouring each moment: this special way of living, a way that now is
only  really beginning for me, will cease in a month.

Still hungry, but not oppressively so. 

22nd: Weather has been bright and very windy; gradually, the sky has filled with
blankets of  grey clouds, and now, this evening, it is raining slightly.
Undertook a good walk today, climbing up to the higher peaks where I had a
clear and  beautiful view of the sea and islands. I spent some time reviewing
what I have learned about  myself. Clarified some personal details, examined
some demons and ghosts. Felt more  positive today. 

I asked the gods for strength, and have received, and been thankful. I am
achieving a less  obsessive state of mind regarding food, though remain
constantly hungry. Anyway, another  day.

23rd: Last night, I ventured out to look at the Moon, nearly full. I was stunned -
at the beauty  of its whiteness amidst the shattered clouds. And I was filled with
a further sense of Destiny,  and received some intriguing creative ideas. This
morning, I awoke to sunlight and gathering  grey cloud. Re-pitched tent, and
became miserable. I was irritated at having to start another  day, at having to
create diversions for my mind while my body struggled with hunger. Felt fed  up
with walking - almost resentful of the routine - so I stayed by the tent, and
wrote. And this  brought a type of contentment, eventually.

The growing irritability is not what I expected at this stage of the rite - when
the conclusion is  tangible. I thought I would radiate calm and positivity. But, I
am treating this emotional state  as I have done with all the others -as a stage,
that will pass. Perhaps the last few weeks are  always more difficult - balanced
as one is between the very different worlds of living here,  like this, and leaving,
back to modern life.

This evening, I sat within the stone circle, and lost myself in the beautiful vista,
serene in the  evening light. Unfortunately, the midgies really did their best to
irritate me, and eventually  drove me back to the shelter of the tent, earlier than
I had hoped. Tomorrow night therefore, I  will sit doused in insect repellant. 

A frustrating day in some ways, but it has passed.

24th: Woke again to sunlight, and positivity. I took myself off, without objection,
for a slow  and long walk. This brought a peace of mind; a detached, tranquil
mood.

On return, spent rest of day writing. This was excellent - my creativity flowed
with new  inspiration, as I drew from my own experiences since I arrived here.
This is just the sort of  uplifting focus that I need in order to take me towards
the conclusion of my time here.  However, always cautious, I am not getting too
carried away with enthusiasm for my new  creativity; I shall see how it sustains
itself over the next few days.

This evening, still sunlight, but now strong winds, perhaps bringing a marked
change in the  weather. My water supply still a trickle, from its underground
source.
Feeling alright; just plodding onwards.

25th: No weather change: as yesterday, intense sunlight - but perhaps slightly

cooler. I woke  feeling reasonable, but soon gave in to weariness. I stayed near
the tent all day, and have    continued writing. I just could not be bothered to do
anything else. I wasn't pissed off exactly,  just unmoved.

In between writing, things were a little tedious. The unrelenting "sameness" of

the hot  weather seems to grate on me - it is confirmed that I am a rainy,
turbulent cloud sort of  person.

All life is blooming, including insects, and I wake with the occassional bite on
my face, and  bloated tick somewhere on my body. Spiders, biting flies... I have
learned that I actually like  insects, and find them quite fascinating;
characterful, rather than cold and alien.

Towards evening, I went to sit in the stone circle feeling burdened and quite
depressed.  Sometimes, I feel impatient regarding the time left, with the end
being in sight, but still much  to endure before then. Sometimes, a day seems to
amount to nothing more than distracting  myself until the day is done. But at
other times, there is an ease, a peace, which is worth  suffering for - when I
don't contemplate the impermanence of this way of life.

However, as dusk approached, my mood picked up, and I spent a happy few
hours sitting in  that lovely still evening light. But the one insect I do hate - no,
they are not insects, but are in  a class of their own - the bastard midgies,
eventually forced me back into the tent. They have  no problem with the insect
repellant. Still, all part of the time of year and environment. Part of  life.

26th: Much colder today, and grey - which, of course, I like. Undertook a long
walk, but  found it exhausting. But sitting by the loch was lovely: everything was
still, and I watched  and listened to some very strange bird life, emitting
unsettling, almost human cries.

On return, I wrote a little more. I rounded the evening off by sitting within the
circle, directing  my thoughts to J. Tonight was much more comfortable - cooler
temperature and light breeze  kept the midgies away.

A little more positive today, though feeling physically ground down by this way
of living.  Now it is rather chilly.

27th: Last night, heavy rain - just as I wished: welcomed also, I am sure, by the
land. I awoke  to the mist and continuing rain, all streams engorged and
rushing. By mid-morning, it had  stopped, replaced by clear sky and bright
sunlight. And thus it has stayed. Water supplies  have been dramatically
renewed.
Despite the clear weather, I was content to remain by the tent and write more,
still feeling  inspired. The day has passed quickly, absorbed as I have been in
creativity. My mood is so  much better.

The evening has been taken up with a long meditative sit within the circle,
looking out as  always to the sea and vast mountain range. Looking back over
the experiences of the last ten  or so years, I felt a new awareness beyond my
own personal desires and goals. An awareness  of the essential goodness and
unselfishness of people, which can easily be missed, amidst the  fervour of one's
ego. It is an awareness of the "light" side that balances the fanatical "dark".

To learn to give in an unselfish way. To learn tolerance, and become part of a

greater struggle    to bring human decency and honourable behaviour. To do
something for others, for no  personal gain.

A good and productive day - I feel better than I have done for quite a while:
dare I say it,  more complete than I have been.

28th: Woke to intense sunlight, which has remained throughout the day and
early evening.  Went for a new walk, exploring a rocky area that was also the
home of some fairly impressive  trees - not the usual gnarled elfin wood,
clinging to a cliff face. I found several caves - natural  shelters big enough to
live in. One obviously had been the lair of a fox (?), judging by the old  bones
scattered on the cave floor. The shelter that I had marked out in case the tent
was  destroyed by gale force winds has been replaced by one particular cave -
ideal for a hermit.  Even on a hot day such as this, it is very cold inside. Maybe I
will live in one, one day.

I found various places to shelter from the sun, amidst huge boulders and lovely
ash and birch  trees. As always my idyll was marred by hunger, but I gained
spiritual nourishment. Again, sat this evening within the circle, the weather
wonderful. Enjoyed watching the bird  life. I feel as if a barrier has been
crossed, and I remain content.

29th: Cloudy start to the day, but it gradually cleared, and I have experienced
the hottest day  so far. Have spent the day writing, but have experienced more
unsettled feelings - irritability,  mostly. The heat hasn't helped. The day has been
uncomfortable, and slightly tedious -  physically, have done very little.

Late afternoon, I felt emotionally tired and upset - burdened by the slow,
grinding pace of this  life of mine here. But I regained an even mood during my
evening "meditation" within the  circle. I much prefer the temperature of early
morning and evening. Much insect life,  including midgies - but tonight, I did
not mind them so much. Now, shoots of bracken are  growing rapidly towards
the Sun, and bluebells, buttercups and other flowers are spreading  out.
Everything looks very beautiful. The bird life is highly active - I love the sound,
a burr of  beating wings, as little birds nestle on the heather by the tent. 

Unable to sleep last night, I went out and lay beneath the clear starry sky. No
need to try and  express what cannot be expressed. After that experience, I
returned to the tent and slept well.   30th: Weather has been very hot again, and
a mist from the sea has added to the stifling  atmosphere. My mood has been a
little low - irritable and restless.

But, I did pick up during my walk in the new area. Summer really is blossoming:
the heady  scent of plant life, and business of the insects (I watched two beetles
mating!). Everything  busy and green and full of life - I felt imbued with this
green energy, for most of the walk. But  have felt very hungry.

Returned to tent, and wrote. Evening concluded with the usual contemplation
within the circle  - probably the highlight of the day. The sea was beautifully
still. Finished off with a bit of  physis. I'm alright, really.

31st: Glorious weather again, with sea mist. Spent the morning writing, until
the heat made  me restless. I then went off for a walk to sit beneath the shade of
an ash tree. It was idyllic,      and rescued the day from irritability. I lay on a
mossy plateau of rock, among the huge  boulders, and gazed up at the ash
leaves and flickering sunlight. I felt wonderfully free, and  daydreamed of being
a Knight Templar.

I am still unsettled in myself though - but, as before am treating it as a phase

that will pass.  Generally, I am much quieter within myself, and sensitive to
sounds that disrupt the natural  stillness - even the setting up of the Trangia
sets my teeth on edge. Once, I could only clarify  thoughts out loud; now, the
sound of my own voice is an intrusion - and I am able to clearly  debate within
my head. I can feel a sort of peace, beginning to flow within. 

I am enjoying immensely being among the bird and insect life - particularly the
insects, with  their different and spontaneous characters. They feel like
companions as I integrate  progressively with the landscape: there is no
loneliness.

It will be strange when the time comes for me to leave. I think part of me
expects this way of  life to just continue.

Sat within stone circle this evening. Slightly cooler tonight, with a veil over the
setting Sun.  The light and stillness has been very moving. I would have stayed
out longer, but the midgies  drove me back to the tent. Concluded with a
reasonable physis session. That's it - onwards.   

June

1st: Took a while to sleep last night - my mind was buzzing with possibilities, on
my return.  So I went out and sat beneath the mostly clear, starry sky. The
completion of this rite is now  tangible, which is making me restless with
various emotions - partly excitement that I have  got this far, and - although I
cannot be complacent - the clear sense that I will triumph; and  sadness at
having to leave, and face the tedium of everyday life in modern society. My
former  life seems so far away, and this is now the reality. I often feel almost
fearful of the end  approaching.

But tonight, during my meditative sit, I felt burdened with the time still left to
do - I felt  crushingly tired with the waiting.

I am waking to the early morning Sun, which does imbue me with a great sense
of freedom  and well-being. Heat today very intense - so have done very little,
physically, but have  continued writing. After writing, I languished beneath the
ash tree. This was idyllic, and I day  dreamed the time away amidst the activity
of wildlife - voles, finches, etc. I felt so content for  a while, craving new
adventures when this is complete. And then, the burden of time  experienced
tonight.

A strong and cool wind has appeared tonight, heralding, I think, a change in the
weather.  Water levels are low again. Rain is needed - although I am adapting to
the heat and  continuous sunshine.

2nd: Perhaps I ought to feel some elation that I have reached June, but do not. I
am surprised -  which is a good thing - at how different I actually feel to how I
thought I would feel at this  late stage. I am weary and burdened. However,
these feelings do not dominate the entire day.   This morning I wrote with
renewed inspiration, and spent the afternoon again beneath the ash  tree. I felt
very relaxed then, almost in a dream mode. But, as with last night, when the
time  comes for me to sit within the stone circle during the evening, I become
heavily burdened.

There is now too much a sense of the rite finishing - too much anticipation of
the conclusion  while I still have time yet to experience and endure. But at such
times I return also to my  apprehension of the changing land, of deepening
Summer, and positivity returns. Tonight I  was suddenly struck by the
intoxicating sense of life that is bursting all around me - new wild  flowers, the
frenetic bird life - and that incredible evening light which seems so
characteristic  of Summer. I feel very fortunate to be here, and to have
undergone this experience.

I concluded the evening with a poor physis session - body still wearied by
hunger. Although I  should not wish time away, another day has passed.

3rd: Intense heat, and again, spent a productive morning writing. Another
afternoon beneath  the ash tree.
  I felt fine in myself until this evening, at the usual place and time. My mind did
not accept the  day's sense of contentment, and I became caught up in old
debates and battles in my head. I  felt sad and depressed. I attempted a physis
session, which was utterly useless - my joints are  stiff, and cracking. I am very
lethargic. Perhaps I will give the writing a break, and spend  tomorrow walking.

Strong and cold winds appeared again tonight, and I returned to the tent
feeling uncomfortable  and fed up. As ever, I must treat this as a phase, and it
will pass - but I feel wretched. Quite  upset.

4th: A positive start to the day: I undertook a long walk to the main loch, and
felt the benefit  both physically and emotionally. It was definitely the right thing
to do - I felt once more  involved in the ritual by integrating with the land. It has
been intensely hot again today. As evening wore on, and I sat within the circle,
the pattern of weariness returned - although  the walk has boosted my spirit
someway against the misery. I'm feeling worn down, but not  really depressed. I
just must keep plodding on through the days.

The walk helped clarify and calm the processes of my mind. All in all, a better
day than of  late. Have given the writing a break.

5th: This evening I have had to retire to the tent earlier than I would have liked
- the midgies  are out in full force, swarming over everything, and biting. Not a
lot can be done, just have to  accept it as part of life's rich horror.

Found it difficult to sleep again last night, but this time, my mind was filled with
music -  specifically new piano compositions. I got up and made a welcome cup
of tea, and pondered,  wondrously, on the new music. Sleep eventually came,
but I woke before dawn - and saw  Venus bright above the peaks as I left the
tent to sit and experience the dawn. 

Yet, as morning grew to its fullness, I again descended into a bleak mood. I felt
fed up at the  prospect of having to endure another very long day. I felt fed up
with the whole venture.  However, I roused myself for another long walk, and
my spirit was raised. The weather has  been incredibly hot, so I made my way
up to a small loch, high in the peaks, and bathed there.

A lovely experience.

During my evening contemplation, my mood remained good - although the

midgies did their  best to discourage this.

Water levels very low again. The source I have been using is almost dried up,
but I was able  to relocate another spring a bit further away from the tent-
although this source cannot be  guaranteed for the rest of the rite, if this
weather remains constant. I may have to re-locate the  tent, so tomorrow I will
investigate a small loch down at the foot of the fells. Rain would be 
appreciated.

I am relieved that my mood has picked up, obviously aided by a bit of physical
exertion. I feel  another internal barrier has been broken down, although I feel
the weariness may easily  return. I've encountered some very difficult emotional
states over the past week or so, which I  had not really anticipated - a good
insight.

I must note that now, whenever I drink water from the spring, it feels as if I am
imbibing the  consciousness of the water. A sparkling pure awareness speaks
within my body - it is almost  as if I am looking through the eyes of water. I am
probably much more receptive to the spirit  of water now, after having been ill
and purged, and purified by starvation. I am nearer to the  land.

6th: Forced into tent early tonight - flies and midgies causing hell. A decent
night's sleep. On  waking, my bleak mood descended again; I felt so worn down.
The sky has been quite cloudy  today, veiling the Sun - there is a faint echo of
rain. I hope the weather does change - the flies  are a nightmare early morning
and evening.

Now as I write there is rain! Very light, but the sky is thundery. Thank the gods:
a  temperature drop is just what is needed to disperse the little fiends. I am
getting so fed up with  them crawling over my face and hands while I sit in the
circle, and waking up with swollen  eye lids or lips. This adds to my sense of
weariness.

I undertook a walk this morning which I did not enjoy. I went to the loch in the
land below  me. Exploring the lower flatter features does not carry with it the
sense of achievement and  exertion of the peaks, and I spent most of the walk,
until the ascent back to the tent, feeling  drained and hungry. The loch and the
flat land was bleak, dark and depressing. Afternoon  spent lying in the tent, in a
stupor.

The sky remains dark, with a hint of summer storm in the air, and the rain light.
Worn down,  but I still endure.

7th: Took a while to sleep again, my mind once more on music. The rain
continued off and on  throughout the night, and on waking, it was heavy and the
sky turbulent. Remained in tent for  most of day, writing. Rain has continued,
with very strong, cold, southerly winds. Water  levels in full flow.

  I have felt content with today, and have not been visited by weariness. The fact
that I am  gradually moving towards the conclusion of the rite is starting to sink
in, sometimes lessening  the depression, sometimes creating it. I have quite
enjoyed today, and have pondered on some  interesting esoteric ideas.

I feel absolutely replete with creativity - music is growing within me: in some
ways, this does  make me impatient to return.

These past few weeks have been strange; I feel quite different than I did in the
previous  months. There seems to be a greater edge of struggling, and a clearer
vision concerning  creativity and the esoteric. I have learned much about myself
so far - I feel that my character  has deepened with the insights.

Feeling reasonably fine.

8th: Got off to sleep quickly, but was woken before dawn by very strong winds
battering the  tent. As the winds increased, the tent was partially pulled up from
the ground, the flysheet  unzipping and flailing about. Several times I had to get
out and re-pitch. I could not get back  to sleep, even though I was exhausted: I
was worried whether the tent would stand up to the  battering.

As daylight approached, I witnessed an awesome sea of cloud rushing from the

south, and  unfurling not far above me. Directly above the raging cloud was
calm blue sky with higher  cirrus wisps, barely moving. Since my time here, I
have never encountered such strong winds.  The rain lashed down, on and off.

I felt I had to stay near the tent today, in case the wind tried to tear it up. I
began  contemplating my alternative accommodation. Thus I was confined
within the tent, which was  tedious. Suddenly, my creativity no longer seemed
sufficient, and I could have done with a  good walk.

I sat out for a brief period tonight beneath the rushing sky. It has become very
warm, but the  wind remains furious. Sitting beneath the column of scudding
clouds was absolutely awesome  - like watching time lapse film. Surreal. 

Although there had been indication of imminent change, I really did not expect
this. But as  always, one can never be complacent where Nature is concerned.

The power of the winds, their all-consuming presence, has been quite an
experience - rather  unsettling. Beneath today's practical concerns - or rather,
because of them - my mood remains  positive. I have asked the gods for calm,
and so far conditions have quietened down, a little. 9th: The winds increased as
I settled down for the night; earlier I had re-guyed the tent so it  was much
more secure, so I decided not to worry. I settled down to sleep and was woken
only  once by the intense battering, and lashing of rain. In the morning, the tent
remained  unharmed.

The powerful winds and rain continued today, but I decided anyway to
undertake a walk,  feeling the need to be out in the land amidst the raging
elements. It was interesting to observe    how the land had been transformed by
these conditions. My mood was very contemplative: I  do not feel the need
whatsoever to continue expressing myself creatively while I am here.
And yet Art etc. is, or can be, important. The majority must be touched by a type
of creativity  if the ultimate aim of encouraging an upsurge in Adeptship - and
thus the beginnings of a new  civilization - is to be attained. And so on.

For myself, now, I do not need words to express how I feel - I do not need to tell
a story  which does not need to be told. The essence does not need to be
expressed by anything other  than the life here.

As evening drew near, the winds suddenly ceased, as at last the southern
horizon was lit with  blue sky. Now there is sunlight, stillness and warmth, and I
was able to sit in the circle.  Midgies are returning - but nothing is perfect.

10th: A good night's sleep. Awoke later than usual to sunlight and stillness,
although slightly  chilly. 

As has been usual, the morning saw a return of recent lethargy, so I took myself
off on a walk  up to one of the higher lochs, hidden in the peaks. For while, the
experience was marred by  my mind jabbering on over past debates long since
thought resolved. However I was able to  resolve these inner conflicts, with
honesty.

The walk concluded positively as I unravelled my thoughts and returned to the

tent just as rain  appeared. There was a brief but dramatic thunderstorm then,
with strong winds and lightning.  This passed over quickly to leave stillness and
sunshine.

I decided to find somewhere new for my evening contemplation, and chose a

place higher up.  Because there was a slight breeze at that height, there were
no midgies. The view was  inspirational, and the Sun remained.

I am occassionally feeling the excitement of finishing; but am trying not to dwell

too much -  there are still days left which may bring new experiences and
insights. Any creeping  depression seems nulled now by the sense of impending
completion. I am not dwelling too  much on what has been experienced over the
past three months - such a review, such a  distillation, is too much - too final....

11th: Did not sleep for ages last night - mind buzzing with all manner of general
things.  Awoke early to sunlight, although temperature at night and early
morning is quite chilly. Sky  cloudy.

Again, morning prefaced by lethargy. Went for a walk, which was spiritually
rewarding, but  physically shattering. On return, dwelt further on esoteric
matters.

So, day progressed into evening positively. Climbed to my new peak this
evening, but the  flies and midgies found me. At present, the inside and outside
of the flysheet is swarming  with them. I am resigned to it.
  Feel quite positive - my contemplation of things esoteric seems to have yielded
some  revelations. Now it is raining, slightly.

  12th: Ventured out again last night as dusk gave way to night, and was
engulfed in midgies -  horrendous. Rain grew heavier as I settled to a good
night's sleep.

Awoke with more bites than usual. Tent full of midgies. Got rid of the little scum
by re- pitching the tent. It began to rain again, lightly. I went off for a walk and
washed in the valley  river. The walk was uneventful, but my spirit was strong,
feeling a sense of achievement as  the days draw on towards the climax of the
rite.

Afternoon spent in tent as rain became heavier. No evening out, as rain has
increased. Much  colder now.

13th: Woke early to rain - the rain had continued throughout the night.
Consequently, the day  has been quite chilly with hill fog, and wind. Everything
has felt damp and cold - almost like  the earliest stages of the rite, rather than
Summer. Wind now quite strong.

I have been confined to the tent, no variations in light to tell me how early or
late it is.  However, I have begun composing, developing a - hopefully - new and
effective system based  on the septenary. This is such a new development, and
shows that even at this stage, rewards  can flower. Physically, I am quite
uncomfortable, cold and hungry, with a lot more bites than  usual, particularly
on my legs.

The tent has withstood the elements brilliantly, but is now showing signs of
wear - a few  holes, and less water repellence.

My mood remains positive - almost detached, as I am still aware of the days yet
to be  experienced. 14th: Rain and winds continued through the night. Strong
winds buffeted the tent during the  day. Weather has remained really atrocious,
and I have been confined again to the tent. Not  too bothered though, as I am
now engrossed in composition.

  But, I became cold just remaining in the tent, so went for a walk. It was
invigorating being  amidst the strong winds and rain. Rain and winds easing
now - probably will be a brighter day  tomorrow. I feel very calm.

15th: A good night's sleep. Rain and winds have eased, and this morning I woke
to sunlight.  The temperature remains a little chilly.

Despite the good weather, the prospect of going for a walk lost its appeal as I
continued  composing.
I still feel detached, but am a little irritable at present - headache, and
tiredness, and hunger. I  still can't allow myself to think about leaving this life - I
am aware that part of me does not  want this to end. The approaching
conclusion seems bitter-sweet.

16th: Woke earlier than usual this morning. At first, the temperature was cold,
but as the Sun  rose over the peaks, the weather became quite hot, with a slight
breeze. 

I undertook a walk that I have been saving for the conclusion of the rite - back
to the loch that  had so enchanted me with its feminine aura. The walk up to the
summit was very tiring, but  the view was breathtaking - I could see all the
inner islands, and those beyond. 

I wept. I felt such a mixture of feelings: absolute relief at having reached this
far, and a sense  of great achievement. But also, a deep, deep sadness at having
to leave. It was/is a sadness I  have never felt before, in connection to anything
else, and I cannot really describe it. I returned to the tent, without dwelling
further on the conclusion. I just want to continue,  quietly and practically. 

17th: Another sunny day. Did some washing, and once more became absorbed
in  composition. I have never concentrated so much: persistence and absolute
focus enabled me  to solve some esoteric and compositional riddles. So much
came together, at that point. I felt  the incredible elation that creativity can
bring. The day however became stifling, confined as I  was again to the tent, of
my own choosing.

I have not really felt motivated to take a walk - each walk now seems so final; it
is too  upsetting. I will leave uncharted areas for another time, another life. I do
feel sad. After the physical inertia, I attempted to sit out this evening, but the
midgies drove me back.  Physically, an inactive day, but the creativity has been
incredible. 

18th: Once again, very hot weather. This time, I undertook a walk first thing,
which I found a  little tedious and tiring. I was eager to return to my
compositions, which again took up much  of the day. Keeping my mind focussed
and occupied is helping me cope calmly with the very  little time I have left.

Evenings are confined to the tent, as the midgies are out in full force. I won't be
sorry to live  without them.

Some further esoteric ideas came to light, and in the evening, I did a little
carving in the tent.  Very cold at night, but am sleeping well.

19th: Rain last night, and for most of the day. Thus another day in tent,
composing. But my  creativity has been less inspired today, and I now feel there
is little to add to what has so far  been accomplished.

When evening came, my lethargy lifted, and I felt strong positivity - a near
happiness, yet one  tinged with the burden of return. It seems so depressing to
have to be, if only partially, a part  of the machine of modern society and its
stifling ways and laws. Yet there is J. So many  mixed feelings coming to the
surface.

I sat out tonight within the circle, when rain had ceased. The view was
inspiring, and the  ancient land enhanced the feeling recently experienced of
my own mortality - the passing of  human life in the blinking of a mountain's
eye. This feeling is not negative, but liberating: I  know life to be an opportunity.
I know this with calm acceptance.

Writing this diary has, recently, ceased to be a help - it is now a petty burden: I
no longer need  or wish to express what I feel. Last full day tomorrow. 

20th: Awoke just before dawn, to light rain. It felt good to be awake at that
time, with the  light, and birdsong, and deer.

I bathed, one final time, in the river valley, and spent a tranquil, if rather cold,
time beneath an  ash tree, washing, and sharpening my knife, and just 'being'.
Further esoteric ideas surfaced -  almost final pieces in a jig-saw. I returned to
the tent to write.

The evening was marred by the midgies who held me hostage in the tent.
However, as  evening wore on, the temperature dropped and their activity
ceased. I ventured out. As I  crawled from the tent, I was confronted by a
magnificent Satanic sunset: high up, red clouds;  on the horizon, dark clouds,
carriers of rain. The clouds created beautiful shapes, of creatures  beautiful in
their moment - but the shapes became forgotten as they changed into
something  else. It is the flow, the constant change that is real. 

I stood in the circle, and undertook a simple and spontaneous oath of

re-dedication. I chanted. I do not feel sad now - I am ready to return to the
world. I feel as if I have arrived at myself,  after this long journey of my life so
far.

I am very calm. When dawn appears with the first light of the Solstice, this rite
will end. I'm  not sure I quite believe it.

CB
Order of Nine Angles 
 Appendix
Reflections on Dyssolving – Diary of an Internal Adept

The Desert Fathers in the Christian tradition headed into the wilderness to
purify themselves and encounter god. Often for many years. Trouble with
entering the wilderness, though, is that all too often that is where you will
encounter the devil. As that bloke JC found. His religion-founding counterpart
Mohammad (parking the fact that that nasty piece of work Saul of Tarsus and
later the Emperor Constantine invented the Christianity of today) also had his
epiphany holed up in his lonely cave, which had the very unfortunate
consequence of creating Islam. This going into the desert to be alone can
certainly have consequences!

But there remains in the human spirit some deep appreciation of the fact that a
period of absolute solitude will teach you Very Big Things, and will also be an
experience of extremes – madness, belief in your godhood, perhaps, or some
profound enlightenment about what reality is. Certainly this practice in the
world's spiritualities is regarded as make or break time. It will sort the wheat
from the chaff.

This manuscript does not include the name of the author but I believe it to be by
Christos Beest/Richard Moult. He heads off for his three month stint as internal
adept in a remote part of Scotland (I am guessing). And what will he discover?
This piece of writing is desperately exciting because not least – it is honest and
an absolute full frontal dedication to confronting the esoteric and what he might
become if he endures.

Beest admits his fear at the outset, as well as his frequent periods of
depression. He feels "pissed" off a lot. The three month period yawns before
him as something unbearable. A scavenger of unknown species annoys him
pulling at his rucksack in the night. He badly misses his girlfriend. Life consists
of moving the tent about and gazing at the landscape.

It sounds dreary. But fascinating things emerge and the main one is his
determination to see it through. I wonder just how many of us would run back
to civilisation after three weeks, desperate for a beer and a proper meal. After
all, this is complete oblivion for the ego – there is no boasting on Facebook of
how elite he is, of what a superior breed he is. He can only write to himself
during this time. And he faces the fact that he cannot face not completing the
ordeal.
 "I could leave if I wanted. I just know that if I did, so much would be
lost. My path would effectively end – a staying at external adept. I
would perhaps go on to live an enjoyable life composing music – but
that music would lack the ultimate power that this ordeal can earth.
There would be the torture of what could have been achieved. There
would be failure, within me, where it matters."

He realises the wisdom of the three month period – one month would not be
enough to create real change.

And then interwoven with the dreariness of the ordeal come many moments of
happiness and transcendence, of an understanding of the esoteric, an
appreciation of the amazing landscape. And – I think this is really important –
despite his reflexive reluctance to push through to the end, he actually seeks
out places of greater solitude, where the ordeal becomes more pure. The litter
he discovers at what he thought was a remote loch disgusts him. He moves
away from the ruins of crofters' cottages because he wants no reminder of
human habitation. Moving to a much wilder, isolated location "I feel very
hidden, very content".

He develops a much heightened awareness of just how mundane much of his

life in society was. "Many patterns of behaviour now seem blind to me, fitting
unconsciously into some acceptable social/domestic regime. I thought I was
really different to others, but in so many ways I had not seen before, I too have
been one of the masses, swept along with all the rest on the great wave of
mediocrity."

He loses a boot, and is left feeling desolate. He is overjoyed at finding it again.

In the midst of a diet of hot water and porridge, he has a can of haggis:

"It was a spiritual experience, utter joy… Eating now has become a
Holy experience – I can see how food is so taken for granted back in
civilisation." 

During a walk to collect supplies:

 "I was imbued with the sheer determination to overcome…… I feel

revitalised with magickal power".

Two months in, he feels he "will be sad to leave this place that is becoming
home."

Instead of the interminable length of the time ahead oppressing him, he

switches to some concern that he only has a month left to enjoy the experience."

The irritable moods come and go still, but the creativity in his spirit soars. The
"burden of time" remains crushing, though in the third month, "I often feel
fearful of the end approaching".

In the last month his spirit continually oscillates, as it has done from the start,
between grumpiness and a kind of euphoric transcendence. When one seems to
have settled in, it unexpectedly lifts, and so, back and forth.

And there is a revelation of humanity:

"An awareness of the essential goodness and unselfishness of people,

which can easily be missed, amidst the fervour of one's ego. It is an
awareness of the "light" side that balances the fanatical "dark". To
learn to give in an unselfish way." (And this from an ONA manuscript!)

"To learn tolerance, and become part of a greater struggle to bring

human decency and honourable behaviour. To do something for
others, for no personal gain."

The rite slowly comes to an end and as Beest feels his head flooding with
creativity and new musical compositions, part of him does not want the rite to
end. "I felt such a mixture of feelings. Absolute relief at having reached this far,
and a sense of great achievement, But also, a deep, deep sadness at having to
leave.

He says he gains many esoteric insights – but sadly does not share them, as
"such a distillation is too much – too final". And so the final day and the
realisation that, before a Satanic sunset, "it is the flow, the constant change that
is real".

I wanted to know about what happened when he returned home. Perhaps I will
be able to find out. But we know from his experience that art is born out of
solitude:

"Art is or can be important. The majority must be touched by a type of

creativity if the ultimate aim of encouraging an upsurge in Adeptship 
and thus the beginnings of a new civilisation – is to be attained"

°°°°°°°
Source:
https://web.archive.org/web/20170529064121/https:
//beyondsatanism.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/reflections-on-dyssolving-diary-
of-an-internal-adept/
 ONA 1.0

1. The Original Order Of Nine Angles

2. Naos - A Practical Guide To Modern Magick

3. Falcifer

4. Breaking The Silence Down

5. The Greyling Owl

6. The Giving

7. The Temple of Satan

This work is published under the

Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International license
(CC BY-ND 4.0)
and can be freely copied and distributed, under the terms of that license.
 ONA 1.0

The Original Order Of Nine Angles

It is perhaps unfortunate that the simplicity of both the esoteric philosophy and the Seven Fold Way of Anton Long has
apparently been lost over the decades. What I prefer to call ONA 1.0 - the first iteration or release or version of "the
order of nine angles" - was in 1989 with the publication of the 127 page Naos text and was succeeded, after several
pre-2.0 "beta" versions beginning around 1998, by ONA 2.0 in 2007 with the establishment of the "nineangles" weblog,
1 then by ONA 3.0 in December 2010 with the publication of 981 page 'The Requisite ONA', and finally by O9A 4.0 in

December 2014 with the publication of the 1460 page seventh edition of 'The Definitive Guide To The Order of Nine
Angles'.

ONA 1.0 was contained in the Naos MS and supplemented by the novels of the Deofel Quintet published between 1976
and 1992, 2 and which six texts were all that were required for an individual or a partnership to embark upon the Seven
Fold Way and complete a study of ONA esotericism.

For the esoteric philosophy and Seven Fold Way of Anton Long were originally outlined in part one of the typewritten
texts that were collected under the title Naos - A Practical Guide To Modern Magick and publicly distributed in a first
edition of 63 spiral bound copies in 1989. A second edition was issued in 1990 by Brekekk which, apart from the covers
and a contact address, was identical to the 1989 version and it was from this edition that a digital facsimile was made
and distributed as a gratis pdf document.

Although the title Physis Magick was significant - referencing as it did the physis of the Pymander tractate of the
Corpus Hermeticism - it was not explained in the Naos text nor publicly explained by Anton Long or by his students
until over two decades later. 3 Neither was it referred to in the 1980s or subsequently by O9A critics or academics who
for whatever reason ignored the reference.

What was interesting and in hindsight important about ONA 1.0 was that there was no overt satanism; no insight roles;
no dialectic of interference in the world by means of politics or otherwise; no support for whatever reason of National
Socialism; no Labyrinthos Mythologicus; no labyrinthine esotericism; no polemics against other occultists of whatever
tradition or none; no propaganda designed to "sell" the ONA; and no references to opposing a "magian ethos".

This lack of complication, lack of propaganda, and lack of causal abstractions was obvious in the novels that formed
The Deofel Quintet (TDQ) for they were concerned with individuals and their interactions with other individuals as well
as with sorcery or magick 4 with this sorcery assuming a variety of forms from conventional ceremonial (group and
satanic and sexual) ritual - as in Falcifer - to hidden ancestral and communal - as in The Giving - to empathic and
Rounwytha-like and Sapphic in 'Breaking The Silence Down'. In TDQ, politics and political revolution and the overthrow
of society make no appearance, and while satanism both conventional and otherwise does, it is left to the reader to
decide what it means for the individual as for example in Falcifer where it is hinted it may be a charade or possibly a
gateway to some 'dark gods' ancient or archetypal or otherwise.

This lack of explanation, of commentary, was in my view and that of a few others a most redeeming esoteric feature.
Thus, presented here as a self-contained gratis document are the texts of ONA 1.0 enabling those interested to follow
the simple modern ONA way of sorcery.

Kerri Scott
Oxonia
December 25, 2021 ev

°°°
1. Archive: https://web.archive.org/web/20071219224932/http://nineangles.wordpress.com/ 

2. The Deofel Quintet consists of the following novels: ° Falcifer, 1976. ° Breaking The Silence Down, 1985. ° The
Greyling Owl, 1986. ° The Giving, 1990. ° The Temple of Satan, 1991/92.

3. Refer to 'The Physis Sorcery of Naos' section of 'Perusing The Seven Fold Way: Historical Origins Of The Septenary
System Of The Order of Nine Angles', 2014, included in https://archive.org/download/hermetic-o9a/hermetic-o9a.pdf

4. The English spelling Magick - as a synonym for sorcery - was used by Elias Ashmole in his Theatrum Chemicum
Britannicum, published in 1652.
 Falcifer - Lord of Darkness

(Deofel Quartet, Volume I)

Anton Long

Order of Nine Angles

First issued 1976 e.n.

This corrected text (v.1.01) issued 119 Year of Fayen

Prologue

The chant rose towards its demonic climax:

Agios o Atazoth! Suscipe, Satanas, munus quod tibi offerimus...

There was no wind on the high hill to snatch the chanted words away, and the naked
dancers twirled faster and faster around the altar under the moonlit sky of night,
frenzied from their dance and by the insistent beat of the tabors.

The two red-robed cantors sang their Satanic chant to its end while, nearby, Tanith the
Mistress, as the elder prophetess, uttered words for her Grand Master to hear: "From
the Circle of Arcadia he shall come bearing the gift of his youth as sacrifice and key to
open the Gate to our gods..."

Swiftly then to the ground the circling dancers fell almost exhausted: ruddied by
Bacchus the Great and the force of the dance as, around the altar on which Tanith
writhed, the orgy of lust began...
 ^^^^^^^

Hull, East Riding of Yorkshire, late 1960's (e.n.)

The room was dark, although the candles on the altar had been lit, and Conrad could dimly see the
witches preparing for the ritual. Their High Priestess wore a scarlet robe and came toward him, her
bare feet avoiding the circle painted on the floor and the bowls of incense which not only filled the
room with a sweet smelling perfume but also added to its darkness.

"Please", she said to him, pressing his hand with hers before re-arranging her long hair so it fell
around her shoulders, "do try and relax."

Then she was moving around the room, dispensing final directions to the members of her coven. It all
seemed rather boring and devoid of real magick to Conrad and he began to regret his acceptance. He
felt uncomfortable dressed in a suit while the others wore robes.

"Nigel!" he heard the Priestess shout, “please do not place our book on the floor!" She retrieved her
copy of the Book of Shadows and placed it on the altar before ringing the small altar bell. "Let us
begin." she said.

She stood in the centre of the circle, the four men and two women around her, raising her hands
dramatically before intoning her chant.

"Darksome night and shining moon, harken to our Wiccan rune. East then South then West then
North, harken to our calling forth..."

She was twirling round, and beneath her thin robe, Conrad could see her breasts. He found her
sexually alluring, and followed her movements intently. Perhaps, he thought, it would not be so
boring after all... suddenly, the candles flickered and spluttered. There was no breeze as cause and the
sudden darkness was unexpected. Conrad could sense the High Priestess near him but his groping
hand could not find her body.

"What is it?" he heard a nervous male voice ask.

The incense became thicker, and several of the coven coughed.

"There is nothing wrong - really!" came the confident voice of the Priestess. "Nigel - do light the
candles again."
Nobody moved. A light appeared above the altar, red and circular. It began to pulse before moving up
to swoop down and burn one of the coven. The victim fell screaming to the ground while the light
moved to rest above Conrad's head, suffusing him with its glow.

He could see the High Priestess frantically making passes in the air with her hands and mumbling
"Avante Satanas!" as she did so. But her words and gestures had no effect on him, for she was only
an ineffectual Priestess of the Right Hand Path while he knew in that moment he was chosen.

Then the pulsing light was gone, and the candles once more lit the room.

"The lights! Will someone turn on the lights!" Her voice was strained, and Conrad smiled.

The coven gathered behind her in their protective circle as if for comfort. "Go, please go," she asked
him. "You are no longer welcome here. I sense evil."

"Yes," Conrad replied, "I will go. But I will return." He stepped toward her and kissed her lips but she
drew away. "You are very beautiful," he said, "and are wasted here."

The coldness outside the house refreshed him so that he remembered he had forgotten his coat and
that a number 65C bus would bus would take him back to his University. The sodium lit streets
seemed to possess an eerie beauty in the darkness of winter and as he walked slowly along them, the
sense of the power he had felt became just a vague yet disturbing unease.

A bus disgorged him near the campus and he wandered along the concrete paths that entwined the
University without noticing the man following him. He recalled Neil's challenge to his skepticism
about witchcraft and magick, the invitation his friend had quickly arranged to the coven meeting and
his own laughter. It would be interesting, he had thought, and he would watch with scientific
detachment while the simple souls indulged their sexual fantasies under cover of the Occult.

Several times he stopped as he remembered the sensual beauty of the High Priestess, the rich
fragrance of the incense, his kiss, and several times he turned around, intent on returning to her
house. But the power, the arrogant assurance, he had felt in her house as the strange light suffused
him with it's glow was gone, and he was only a first year Undergraduate studying science, awkward
and shy with women.

Instead, he walked to the house near the campus which Neil shared with some other students. Neil
was pleased to see him. They sat in his room while in the house loud music played.

"You're back early," Neil said, and smiled.

Conrad wasted no time on trivialities. "I want you to tell me about magick."

"You're seriously interested, then?"

Conrad thought of the High Priestess, her voluptuous body, and said, "Yes!"

"Well, as you know, I have some little interest in, and knowledge of, the subject."

"So - the aim of the sorcerer is to control those forces or powers which are Occult or hidden from our
everyday perception?"

Neil seemed surprised. "Yes, exactly. Have you been reading up on the subject?"

"No."

"Then how - "

Conrad shrugged his shoulders. "It was an obvious and logical deduction."

Neil smiled. His own background was artistic, his home the city and port from which the University
derived its name, and he had met the gaunt-faced Conrad a month before while distributing leaflets
on campus. Conrad had read the proffered document and, in the discussion that followed, demolished
its content logically and effectively. The earnest young man, dressed in a suit in contrast to the casual
clothes of all the other students, had impressed him.

"Basically," Neil said, "magick symbolizes the various forces, sometimes in terms of gods, goddesses
or demons, and sometimes in purely symbolic forms. Knowledge of such symbolism forms the basis
of controlling them - according to the desire or will of the sorcerer."

"I see."

"Of course, some people believe such entities - gods, demons and so on - exist in reality, external to
us. Others believe such forms are really only part of our sub-conscious and our unconscious. In
practical terms, it does not matter which: the means of gaining control are essentially the same."

"So, where is all this symbolism?" He pointed at the rows of books in the room.

Neil handed him one. "That gives the essentials of ceremonial magick. It is based on what most
Occultists believe is the Western tradition of magick."

Conrad glanced through the book. "Which is?"

"The Qabalistic. The Occult world and the forces within it are represented by what is called the Tree
of Life which consists of ten stages or sephira. Each sephira corresponds to certain things in the
world - human, divine, and of course demonic."

Conrad looked directly at him. "Most Occultists, you say? Then what do you believe?"
Neil was not surprised by Conrad's insight. "There is another tradition - a secret one."

"Which is?"

"It has many names."

"I'm sure. Are you going to tell me or not?"

"I have only heard of it second-hand so to speak. It is a sinister tradition - some would say Satanic. It
is based on a division of seven as against the qabalistic ten. Hence one of it's names - the septenary
system."

"And you have details of this system?"

"I know some people who know a group who use it."

"And through such a magickal system one could obtain one's desire?"

"It is possible, yes."

"Then when can I meet them - these Black Magickians?"

II

"So you are the Black Magickian I have heard so much about?" Conrad gave the man a disdainful
look before sitting in the proffered chair.

The room, like the man, was not impressive. Dreary paintings hung from drab walls and a human
skull lay atop a pile of paperback books containing horror stories.

"Some call me a Black Magickian." The man was dressed in black and wore a medallion around his
neck bearing the symbol of the inverted pentagram. "Your friend Mr. Stanford informed me of your
interest in the Black Arts. There are rumours about you."

"Is that so?"

"Why have you come here?" the man asked.

"You hold certain meetings."

"Possibly."

"Meetings which attract a good many people."

"Sometimes."

"One of which will be held here, tonight."

"For a neophyte you are exceptionally well informed."

Conrad smiled. It had taken Neil only a week to arrange the meeting, and he used the time well. "I
wish to attend the ritual."

"You must understand," the man said, "we have certain procedures. For those who want to become
Initiates. A testing period."

"Quite so. But you would not have agreed to see me this evening at this hour if it was not your
intention to allow me to attend."

As if to reflect on his answer, the man lit a small cigar, allowing its smoke to billow round him. "You
may attend the first part of the ritual. The second is, I'm afraid, for Initiates only. And then,
afterwards, should you wish, we shall talk further about the matter." He stood up. "Come, you must
meet some of our members."

He was led into a back-room of the spacious house. The windows were covered with long black
drapes and the walls were painted red. A large wooden table, covered with a black cloth, served as
the altar upon which were lighted black candles, a sword, several daggers, silver cups and chalices. In
one corner of the room stood an almost life-size statue of a naked woman in an indecent posture,
reminding him of a Sheila-na-gig. Around the altar the members had gathered in black robes, but they
did not speak to him and he was left to stand in his suit by the door while the magickian walked
toward the altar. He took up the sword, struck it against the dagger, saying 'Hail Satan, Prince of
Darkness!'

The congregation echoed his words, raising their arms dramatically while he removed the robe from a
young woman before helping her to lie naked on the altar. She was smiling as she lay, her taut conical
breasts rising and falling in rhythm with her breathing and Conrad watched her intently.

One by one the congregation came forwards to kiss her lips.

The magickian kissed her last, turning to face his congregation saying. "I will go down to the altars in
Hell."

They responded. "To Satan, the giver of ecstasy."

"Let us praise our Prince."

"Our Father which wert in heaven, hallowed be thy name, in heaven as it is here on Earth. Give us
this day our ecstasy and desires and deliver us to evil as well as temptation for we are your kingdom
for aeons and aeons!"

The magickian inscribed in the air with his left forefinger the sign of the inverted pentagram, before
saying, "May Satan be with you."

"As he is with you."

"Let us affirm our faith."

In union, they pronounced their Satanic creed. "I believe in one Prince, Satan, who reigns over this
Earth and in one Law, Chaos, which triumphs over all. And I believe in one Temple, our Temple to
Satan, and in one Word which triumphs over all: the Word of Ecstasy! And I believe in the Law of
this Aeon which is Sacrifice, and in the letting of blood for which I shed no tears since I give praise
to my Prince the fire-giver and provider as I look forward to his reign and the pleasures to come in
this life!"

The congregation continued their litanies in a similar vein while the magickian made passes in the air
with his hands over the body of the woman upon the altar. He was chanting something, but Conrad
could not hear what it was, and he watched as the magickian raised a chalice over the woman,
deliberately spilling some of the wine it contained over her body. He showed the chalice to the
congregation before placing it between the woman's thighs. Then one of the congregation came
forward to stand by the altar and chant.

"I who am mother of harlots and queen of the Earth: whose name is written by the agony of the
falsifier Yeshua upon the cross, I am come to pay homage to thee!" She kissed the woman upon the
altar.

Then there was something in her hand which Conrad could not see, but she too made passes with her
hands over the naked woman, chanting while she did so. She held up to the congregation what
Conrad assumed to be a host.

"Behold," she said, "the dirt of the Earth which the humble shall eat!"

She laughed, the congregation laughed, and then she threw the host, and others which she held, at the
congregation who trampled them under their feet. "Give me," she said to the woman upon the altar,
"your body and your blood which I shall give to him as a gift to our Prince!"

The magickian was beside her as the woman on the altar raised her legs into the air. But two of the
congregation ushered Conrad from the room. Outside a woman waited.

"I am called Tanith - at least here!"

Conrad stared at her. Her grey hair was cut short, accentuating her features and her clothes were a
stunning blend of indigo and violet. There was beauty in her mature features and a sexuality evident
in her eyes. "I'm sorry?" Conrad said.
"Come, let us talk."

She led him to a comfortable room where a warming fire had been lit, deliberately sitting close to
him.

"Your impressions of the ritual," she asked directly.

He had recovered sufficient to say, "Too much pomp and not enough circumstance."

"Humour, as well. A most pleasing combination! What is it that you seek?"

"Knowledge."

"Like Faust? Do you also wish to sell your soul to the Devil?"

"I do not believe there is a soul or a Devil to sell it to."

"And what you have seen, here tonight? Is it what you are seeking?"

He had felt there was no real magickal power in the ritual, no mystery to enthrall, nothing numinous
to attract him. There had been only the trappings of sex and what had seemed almost a boredom in
the satanic invokations, and he had begun to realize as he watched and waited that he wanted
something more than sex. He desired a return of the power he had felt a week ago at the beginning of
the wiccan rite. The satanic ritual had disappointed him - but Tanith intrigued him.

"I must admit," he said, "I was disappointed."

"But I interest you."

"I - "

"Why be embarrassed? It is a perfectly natural feeling." She smiled, and moistened her lips with her
tongue. "But first to other matters. I could introduce you to a Master who could instruct you. For you,
like everyone need to learn. Are you prepared to learn?"

"From someone I can respect."

"Unlike our friend Sanders tonight."

"Yes - unlike him." It was Conrad's turn to smile. Tanith's perfume seemed exotic to him, and he
found it difficult to avoid looking at her breasts, partly exposed by the folds of her unusual clothes.
"So this evening's entertainment was just a charade?"
"How acute of you! And such hidden talents. But not a charade, exactly."

"An inducement?"

"For some: those lacking your talents." She leant toward him. "Tomorrow, you shall meet the person
you are seeking. There will be a price to pay, though."

Conrad was dismayed. "I have no money."

"I was not thinking of money."

"What then?"

"Such innocence!" She leant closer, so close he could feel her breath upon his face and see the fine
lines around her eyes. Then she was kissing him. He was so surprised he moved away.

Suddenly, she understood. "You've never done this before, have you?" She touched his face gently
with her hand. "Well, I'd better make it memorable then."

Outside, in the darkness, it had begun to snow.

III

Conrad lay in his bed a long time. Dawn was breaking, but he possessed no desire to rise quickly and
run, as had been his habit for years, five or more miles before his breakfast whatever the weather.
Neither did the prospect of lectures excite him any more. Instead, he felt languid and satiated. Tanith
had taken him to a bedroom in the house wherein their passion had flowed to ebb slowly in the hours
after midnight. Her departure was sudden, the house empty, and he was left to walk back to his own
college room through the snow-covered streets of the city, happy and pleased with himself.

He was still thinking about Tanith when someone knocked on the door of his room. He dressed
hastily.

"Conrad Robury?" asked the tall well-dressed man.

Conrad was suspicious, for the man kept nervously glancing around. "Who wants to know?"

"I'm Fitten. Paul Fitten. You are in danger. Grave danger!" He gestured toward the briefcase in his
hand. "It's all in here. If only you will listen. Please, I must talk with you."

"About what?"

"Those Satanists! They want to make you their opfer! You are in danger! I do not have much time.
Look," and he opened the briefcase, "study these books, please. Take them."
Reluctantly, Conrad took them.

"They are after me," Fitten said, glancing around. "They want to stop me, you see. Read the books, it
is all in there. I shall call again. But they are coming - I sense them coming near. I must go now!
Here, my address." He gave Conrad a printed card. "We must talk soon."

Fitten rushed along the corridor and down the stairs.

Alone again, Conrad sat at his desk to study the books, curious about them. The first book was
entitled 'Falcifer - The Curse of Our Age' and was printed on shoddy paper in a small and unusual
typeface. The title page bore no details of the publisher only the words 'Benares, Year of Our Lord
Nineteen Hundred and Twenty Three' and the author's name, R. Mehta.

'Falcifer,' the book began, 'is the name they have chosen. Working in secret, even now they are
planning his coming. He is the spawn of Chaos, the leader of those dark gods which even Satan
himself fears. For centuries his secret disciples have deceived us and are deceiving us still, for he is
not the Beast...'

"Darling," Conrad heard a voice behind him say, "are you ready?"

Tanith came forward and kissed him. "Come, leave your books - I have need of you."

The invitation pleased Conrad, and he forgot about the books, Fitten and everything else. Only Tanith
was real, and he surrendered himself to his passion. Afterwards, she dressed herself quickly saying,
"We must go. The Master is waiting."

"Of course."

She touched the three books Fitten had bought and, one after the other, they disintegrated into dust.

"The books! - " Conrad began.

"They are not important. We must go now." She threw him his clothes.

He walked beside her, surprised but pleased when a chauffeur ushered them into the luxury of the
waiting car. Several students turned to look, and Conrad was secretly proud.

The car took them from the city and along country roads to the tree-lined and long driveway of an
impressive house. A fierce looking and very tall man with the build of a wrestler opened the car door,
and Conrad followed Tanith up the steps of the house and into the hall. He was led through doors and
elegantly furnished passageways to a verandah where a man sat reading.

"Welcome," the man said, and indicated the chair beside him. "Welcome Conrad Robury. You are
most welcome in my house."

Tanith shut the door to leave them in the cold outside air.

"Come, sit beside me," the man said

His beard was neatly trimmed, his dark clothes thin and seemingly unsuitable to the weather. His
voice had a musical quality with a veiled accent that Conrad could not identify, but it was his eyes
which impressed Conrad most.

"You wish to learn?"

"Yes," Conrad replied, shivering from the cold, although he tried not to show it.

The man smiled. "I am called Aris - at least here! Tell me, Conrad, is it a return of the feeling which
you felt after a certain - how shall we say? - well-endowed lady began her wiccan ritual?"

Conrad was amazed at the man's knowledge of his inner feelings.

"Perhaps," Aris continued, "you are beginning to understand that it was not change that brought you
here. Perhaps, also, you are beginning to realize that you may have found what - or should I say
whom - you are seeking. Do you, then, wish to learn from me the Art whose secrets you believe I
know?"

"Yes."

"And you wish Initiation?"

"Yes I do."

"You have a special Destiny to fulfill - and I shall guide you toward the fulfillment of that Destiny.
Are you then prepared to accept whatever conditions I may make?"

"Yes."

"You appear unsure - which is good. It is only fitting that you are apprehensive. Our path is difficult
and is only for those who dare. The ritual of your Initiation will take place soon, and afterwards you
will begin to study our way. But you should understand that, as from yesterday, your experiences are
formative and part of your quest - it is for you to understand them."

It had begun to snow again, and Conrad was shivering from the cold despite the elation he felt at
being accepted. There was a knock on the door that led to the verandah, and Aris the Master smiled.

"Enter!" he said.
Tanith entered and Aris rose to greet her with a kiss. "You have met my wife, of course." he said to
Conrad.

"Your wife?" Conrad said as he also stood, suddenly warmed by the shock.

"Yes, darling!" Tanith said, and kissed Conrad's face.

Conrad was perplexed but the Master said, "See, how profitably you have spent the last twelve hours.
Already you are beginning to learn. You see, I know what has occurred between you and Tanith." He
laughed. "There are no Nazarene ethics here!"

"In fact," Tanith added, "no ethics at all!"

"Come, Conrad, I have a present for you: a gift of your Initiation."

It was a somewhat dazed Conrad who followed Aris to another room. On a couch, a dwarf with a
pugnacious face was apparently asleep.

"Conrad Robury, meet Mador your guide."

At the sound of his name, Mador sprang up, did a somersault and landed near Conrad where he gave
a mock bow.

"Charmed, I'm sure!" he said.

"A word of warning - he is a fool," Aris said.

"Bah!" Mador replied. "Ignore him - he's a liar!"

"Show Conrad the house," Aris said.

"Yes, Master," replied Mador, bowing and winking at Conrad.

Aris left them alone. "You are Conrad," Mador said. "Well, I shall call you - Professor! Come!"

The passage that led away from the room was long, adorned with oil paintings and antique furniture.
He was shown a small laboratory, the library, the many bedrooms on the floor above, each decorated
and furnished differently. Some seemed luxurious, others austere and a few quite bizarre with walls
like trapezoids and no windows. The gardens around the house were large with well-tended lawns
and Mador pointed to the dense wood that formed their boundary at the rear.

"Not at night," he said breaking the silence between them and shaking his head, "not alone."
"Why not?"

Mador ignored the question. "The cellars! I forgot the cellars!" And he hit himself on the head.

The door to the cellars was locked, and Mador kicked it in anger.

"What does Aris do?" Conrad asked.

"The Master? Do?" replied Mador perplexed. "Why, he is a Magickian!" he cupped his hand to his
ear, listening. "Come Professor. It is time. Yes, it is time!"

"For what?"

"For the Professor. She is calling me."

Mador led him to a dining room. "She waits," he said indicating the door, and left him. Tanith was in
the room, seated at the table where only two places were laid.

"Sit, here beside me," she said to him.

"Won't your husband be joining us?"

"The Master? Why, no!" She rang the silver hand bell.

A maid came to serve the hors d'oeurve. Conrad thought her very pretty, but she refused to look at
him.

"Did you enjoy your tour?" Tanith asked him as she elegantly devoured her melon.

"Yes - and no."

"Why no?"

"I was still thinking - about you and me and your husband."

"We are different, as you are learning."

"So he does not mind?"

She smiled. "What do you think?"

"I think I'm beginning to understand."

"Excellent! You will be staying here, with us, of course for the next week, few weeks or whatever."

"I had not though about it. My studies - "

"They are more important to you than the goal you seek? Than the pleasure you find with me?"

"Of course not."

"Whatever belongings you wish to have around you will of course be brought here from your present
lodgings."

"And if I didn't want to stay?"

"You are free to go any time." She rang the bell, waiting until the maid completed her duties before
speaking again. "However, should you leave - there can be no returning."

"I see."

For some time they ate in silence. "How long might my stay be?" he finally asked.

"However long it takes."

"A test of my desire for Initiation?"

Tanith smiled. "Possibly. Do try the wine, an excellent year. Or so I am told."

"I don't drink alcoholic substances."

"Really? How extraordinary!" She drank from her own glass. "Judging by last night and this morning
you do not seem like a Buddhist to me."

"It be-clouds the senses?"

"Buddhism?"

"No - wine and other such beverages."

"Or relaxes them!" She raised her own glass. "To Bacchus the Great!" The glass was soon empty. "I
suppose," she said lasciviously, "the cultivation by you of one vice at a time is sufficient - for the
moment!"

Conrad sighed. He felt he was being manipulated to some extent; but he also felt he did not care. His
memory of his passion with Tanith was strong.
"Can I see you tonight?" he asked. "I mean - "

"I know what you mean," she said softly. "I'm sure it can be arranged. Such youthful vigour!" She
closed her eyes. "To paraphrase a certain French author - 'The pleasures of vice must not be
restrained.'" She rang the bell again. "You will have a rather full afternoon and evening, I
understand."

"Doing what?"

"Oh, various things. You have not eaten very much."

"Bit excited, I suppose."

"Coffee?"

"Yes, please."

The maid returned to whisper into Tanith's ear. "Come," Tanith said to him.

By the outside door in the hall, the wrestler stood holding a man by the arms. Conrad recognized him.
It was Fitten.

"Alright, Gedor," Tanith said.

The wrestler nodded his head and released Fitten.

"You must get away!" Fitten shouted at Conrad. "They are cursed! They want you as their - "

Tanith gestured with her hand and Gedor's fist knocked Fitten over, bloodying his face. Conrad saw
Tanith smile.

"Escort him away," she said to Gedor, "and lock the gates."

She closed the door. "Fitten will not bother us again."

"You know him then?" Conrad asked, surprised.

"Yes, we know him. He calls himself a White Magickian. Runs a group of sorts in the city. You are
in demand, it seems."

"Must be my natural charm!"

She did not respond. Instead her eyes betrayed no emotion.

"The Master awaits you. In the library. Go now." She turned and walked away.

In the library Conrad could see no one. The room was dim, and he was about to open one of the
shutters that had been closed over the windows when he heard a voice behind him.

"Be seated," it said.

He saw no one, but sat at the table. Behind him he heard footsteps.

"Do not look round," the voice like that of the Master said.

"Your Initiation will be tonight. Are you prepared?"

He was not, but did not want to say so. "Yes," he lied, trying to convince himself.

"After the ritual of your Initiation there will be a task for you to complete. But now you must
meditate".

The sudden blow enfolded Conrad in darkness.

IV

Conrad awoke in darkness. His neck ached, and he was lying on a hard surface. On both sides he felt
a cold, rough wall. The mortar between the bricks crumbled as his fingers touched it. No sounds
reached him, and the steel door that sealed him in the cell would not open.

He lay for a long time, thinking about his life, Tanith, the Master and the Satanic group to which he
assumed they belonged. Once and once only he felt afraid, but the fear soon passed as he remembered
how Neil has spoken of the tests of Initiation. The darkness and the silence soon worked their magick
upon him, and he fell asleep.

The loud click awoke him, and he rose to see the door swing slowly open, spreading a diffuse light
into the cell. He waited, but no one came. Outside, stone steps led up along a narrow passageway and
he climbed them slowly. The passage led to a circular room whose light was emanating from a sphere
upon a plinth in the centre and, as he stood watching the light pulse in intensity and change slightly in
colour, he felt the room begin to turn. Was he being deceived - or was the room really turning? He
could hear a distant, sombre chant and smell a rich incense, and was surprised when the movement
stopped and what he thought had been a wall part to reveal a large chamber below.

Steps led down to where black robed figures stood around a stone altar. The Master was there, and
Tanith, clothed in white, and she gestured to him. Somewhere, drums beat and cantors sang a
mesmeric chant in a language unknown to Conrad. Tanith was smiling, and he walked down and
toward her.

"You," Aris the Master said to him in a voice that was almost chanting, "have come here, nameless,
to receive that Initiation given to all who desire the greatness of gods!"

Two figures whose faces were hidden by the hoods of their robes came forward to hold Conrad and
roughly strip him until he was naked.

"You have come," Aris was saying, "to seal with an oath your allegiance to me, your Mistress here,
and all the members of this our Satanic Temple."

Tanith came toward him, and kissed him on the lips. "I greet you," she said, "in the name of our
Prince! Let the Dark Gods and His legions witness this rite!" She turned to the congregation. "Dance,
I command you!! And with the beating of your feet raise the legions of our lord!"

The Master was chanting something, but Conrad could not understand it.

"Drink!" Tanith said to Conrad, offering him a silver chalice.

He did, draining the wine until the chalice was empty.

"Gather round, my children," Tanith said, and the congregation obeyed to enclose Conrad in their
circle, "and feel the flesh of our gift!"

They came towards him, smiling, and ran their hands over his flesh. Conrad was embarrassed, but
tried not to show it. One of the congregation was a young woman and she stood for what seemed a
long time in front of him so he could see her face enclosed within the hood of her robe. He thought
her beautiful, and she ran her hands over his shoulders, chest and thighs before caressing his penis,
smiling as he became erect. Then she was gone, enclosed again within the circle of dancers and he
found himself held by strong hands and blindfolded.

He could hear Tanith's voice, the chant, and the dancers as they moved around him.

"We rejoice," Tanith was saying, "that another one comes to seed us with his blood and his gifts. We,
kin of Chaos, welcome you the nameless. You are the riddle and I an answer and a beginning of your
quest. For in the beginning was sacrifice. We have words to bind you through all time to us for in
your beginnings, we were. Before you - we have been. After you - we will be. Before us - They who
are never named. After us - They will still be. And you, through this rite, shall be of us, bound, as we
are bound by Them. We the fair who garb ourselves in black through Them possess this rock we call
this Earth."

Then the Master was before him. "Do you accept the law as decreed by us?"

"Yes, I do," Conrad answered.

"Do you bind yourself, with word and deed and thoughts to us the seed of Satan without fear or
dread?"

"Yes"

"Then understand that the breaking of your word is the beginning of our wrath! See him! Hear him!
Know him!"

The dancers stopped, and gathered again round Conrad to briefly touch him.

"So you," the Master said "renounce the Nazarene, Yeshua, the great deceiver, and all his works?"

"Yes, I do."

"Say it!"

"I renounce the Nazarene, Yeshua, the great deceiver and all his works!"

"Do you affirm Satan?"

"I do affirm Satan."

"Satan - whose word is Chaos?"

"Satan - whose word is Chaos!"

"Then break this symbol which we detest!"

A wooden cross was thrust into his hands, and he broke it before throwing the pieces to the ground.

"Now receive," the Master continued, "as a symbol of your faith and a sign of your oath this sigil of
Satan."

Tanith gave the Master a small phial of aromatic oil, and with the oil Aris traced the sign of the
inverted pentagram on Conrad's forehead, chanting 'Agios o Satanas!' as he did so. Aris held Conrad's
arm while with a sharp knife Tanith cut Conrad's thumb, drawing blood which she spread over her
forefinger to draw the sigil of the Temple over his heart.

"By the powers we as Master and Mistress wield, these signs shall always be a part of you: an auric
symbol to mark you as a disciple of our Prince!"

"Now you must be taught," he heard Tanith's voice say, "the wisdom of our way!"
Two of the congregation came forward and forced him to kneel in front of her.

"See," she said, laughing, "all you gather now in my Temple: here is he who thought he knew our
secret - he who secretly admired himself for his cunning! See how our strength over-comes him!"

The congregation laughed, and he felt his hands being bound behind his back. For a second he felt
fear, but it was soon gone, replaced by anger and he tried to wriggle free from his bonds.

"A spirited one, this!" he heard Tanith's voice mock. "Listen!" she said to him. "Listen and learn!
Keep your silence and be still!"

Conrad strained to hear. There was a rustling, a sound which might have been made by bare feet
walking over stone, the chant ending, and then finally silence. He lay still even when he heard
someone approaching him as he lay on the floor of the Temple. He felt a warm hand softly touching
his skin, felt a woman's naked softness next to him and smelt a beautiful perfume. He did not resist
when soft arms moved him to lie beside her, and he began to respond to her kisses and touch.

"Receive from me," the woman whispered, "the gift of your initiation."

Bound and still blindfolded, he surrendered himself to the physical passion she aroused and
controlled, and his climax of ecstasy did not take long to reach. When it was over, she removed the
cord which bound his hands and then his blindfolded. Conrad recognized the young woman who had
caressed him earlier. On the altar lay a black robe and she gave it to him before ringing the Temple
bell.

The sound was the signal for the congregation to return, and each member greeted Conrad, their new
Initiate, with a kiss. Chalices of wine were handed round and he was given one. He sipped it while
around him an orgy began.

"Come," Tanith said to him, "we have other duties."

She led him out of the chamber, through a passage and up well-worn stone stairs to a wooden door.
The door was a concealed one and led into a hut. Outside, it was night, but the snow-scattered light
illuminated the woods, and he followed Tanith through the snow, shivering from the cold. She did not
speak, and he did not, and it seemed to him a long walk back to the house. Inside, it was warm and
smelt vaguely of incense.

"Rest now," Tanith said, and kissed him.

He held her and caressed her breasts.

"I have to go," she said without smiling. "Gedor will show you to your room."

Conrad was surprised when out of the shadows Gedor stepped forward, grim-faced.
The room he was led to was unfurnished except for a bed, but it was warm and Conrad soon settled
himself under the duvet to read the book that lay upon the pillow. 'The Black Book of Satan' the title
read.

The first chapter was called 'What is Satanism' and he was reading it when he heard strange, almost
unearthly, sounds outside. He drew back the curtains and to his surprise found they concealed not a
window but an oil painting. It was a portrait of a young man dressed in medieval clothes and he
stared at it for some time before realizing it was a portrait of himself. It bore a signature he could not
read, and a date which he could: MDCXLII. "1642" he said to himself. The colours of the painting
seemed dulled a little with age, the canvas itself cracked as if to confirm the antiquity of the portrait.

The strange sounds had stopped, and were replaced by loud laughter outside the door. He went to it,
but it was locked.

Baynes was a quiet, almost shy man in his late forties. His handsome features, his neatly trimmed
bear - black with streaks of grey - his wealth and the soft, mellow tones of his voice made him
attractive to many women. He was well aware of this, and made efforts to avoid being left alone with
them. A bachelor, his only interest outside his work was the Occult and he had acquired the
reputation of regarding women as distant objects of chivalry. His abstemiousness in this matter gave
rise to rumours that he was a homosexual but he did nothing to dispel them except explain when
pressed on the matter by some of his friends in the Occult and magickal groups he frequented that he
regarded women as a hindrance in the attainment of the highest grades of Initiation.

Dressed in an expensive suit, he sat in the Sitting Room of one of his comfortable city houses
listening to Fitten talk about the group of Satanists. It was after midnight, and uncharacteristically he
was becoming bored. Several members from his own Temple of Isis sat around him in the subdued
light, and some of them were trying to resist the temptation of sleep. Fitten had been talking, in his
own disjointed way, for nearly an hour, explaining his theory about the origins of the Satanist group.

"It is an old tradition," Fitten was saying, "a very old tradition. A racial memory, perhaps, of beings
who once long ago came to this Earth. For we have been deceived. They are not of the Beast, not of
those Others about whom one writer has written, decades ago. We need to understand this, you see:
need to finally understand the truth. We have been deceived about them."

Fitten paused to wipe seat from his forehead with his coloured handkerchief and Baynes took the
opportunity to interject.

"I have taken the liberty," he said, "of contacting a colleague of mine in London who is well-known
as a leading authority on Satanism and he has agreed to come and talk to us about the Satanist group
to which the gentleman to whom Mr. Fitten referred to belongs - "
"Conrad Robury," interrupted Fitten.

"The group to which Mr. Robury now, apparently belongs," continued Baynes, "has interested us for
some time. Since the murder of Maria Torrens, in fact. You will all, no doubt, recall the brutal facts
of that case."

He could see his audience now paying attention.

"As you will remember, her naked and mutilated body was found on the Moors, her head resting on
what the Police assumed to be a Black Magick altar. An inverted pentagram had been cut on her skin
by a sharp knife - a surgical scalpel, I was told. Discreetly of course, I was asked for my opinion.

"At first I and the Police investigating the matter were of the opinion that the killing was a motiveless
one with no genuine Occult connections, the murderer or murderers providing the 'Occult' evidence
to confuse. For, as you will recall, some rather scurrilous newspapers ascertained and published
details regarding the lady's rather unfortunate background. She was a 'Lady of the Night' - "

"A prostitute," someone said, and giggled.

Baynes ignored the remark. " - who frequented the area around this city's dockland. She was last seen
apparently accepting a lift in a vehicle driven by an attractive middle- aged lady. Shortly after the
newspapers published their story, the Police received an anonymous call, naming a suspect. The man
was quickly traced, and interviewed and then arrested when he confessed to the crime. He himself
had a rather dubious reputation, and said that he had driven Miss Torrens to the scene of the crime
and persuaded her to adorn herself in an Occult manner. Apparently, he had been to the motion-
pictures and seen some scenes in a film.

"He later retracted this confession and claimed to have been forced to give it by a man whom he
continually referred to as 'The Master' whom he claimed had himself committed the brutal murder.
He further alleged that this 'Master' was the leader of a group of Satanist's here, in this city and had
killed Miss Torrens during a ritual for his own diabolic ends. He made a statement to the Police to
this effect, but shortly afterwards began acting rather strangely, and withdrew that statement. During
subsequent weeks before his trial he made several other statements, each more ludicrous than the
other - for instance, one referred to beings from another planet landing in a 'space-ship', abducting
him and Maria.

"It was at the trial, you may well remember, that the Prosecution proved by the testimony of a very
respectable witness that Maria and the defendant had been seen together on the Moor only a few
hours before her death. The defendant was sentenced to life imprisonment, and was found, some
weeks later, hanged in his prison cell. After the trial, I began my own quiet investigation into Satanist
groups in this area - and subsequently uncovered one organized by a certain gentleman whom his
followers call 'The Master'. This group uses and has used several different names, and has Temples in
various other cities. Among its names are 'The Temple of Satan', 'The Noctulians' and 'Friends of
Lucifer'."
Fitten was slumped in a chair, apparently asleep, and Baynes smiled at him, in his gentle was, before
continuing. "The group is very selective regarding members, and tests all the candidates for Initiation.
These tests are sometimes quite severe and sometimes involve the candidate undertaking criminal
acts - this of course serving to bind the candidate to the group as well as giving the group evidence to
blackmail the candidate with should he or she later prove uncooperative. Unlike most so-called
Satanist and Black Magick groups which are usually only a cover for one or more persons criminal or
sexual activities, this particular group does work genuine magick, and seems to possess quite an
advanced understanding of the subject. Apparently, they follow their own sinister magickal tradition
based on the septenary system - or Hebdomadry as it is called.

"Since the Maria Torrens case we, acting with a number of other 'Right Hand Path' groups in this and
other areas, have tried to infiltrate this Satanist group, always without success. Until recently, that is."

Smiling, he waited for the exclamations of surprise to subside before he continued. "This member -
whom I shall for obvious reasons call only Frater Achad - has given us valuable information, and he
is shortly to be initiated into the sect. What we are hoping is that he can provide us with details
regarding members, their magickal workings as well as information regarding their activities which
we can pass onto the Police. As I have said, some of their activities verge on the criminal. There are
probably others, of a kind of which we are at present unaware, and of course there is always the
possibility that Frater Achad can provide us with evidence regarding the Maria Torrens case.

"Naturally, I have told you this in the strictest confidence. Frater Achad is in a delicate - not to say
dangerous - position."

Suddenly, Fitten was on his feet, pointing at Baynes. "We must act now! Don't you understand?" He
turned and faced the other people present. "Don't any of you understand? We cannot afford to wait!
We must act now to destroy them! Soon, their power will grow - so great we, and others, can do
nothing. Listen! They will do a ritual to open the gate to the Abyss. An opfer - they need an opfer to
do this, and offering of human blood. Do you want another death on your hands? Once the Gate is
opened they will possess the power of the Abyss itself!"

"Mr. Fitten," Baynes said gently, "I - we all - share your concern about them. But we must plan and
act carefully in this matter."

"I shall show you!" Fitten shouted. "I shall stop them! Me! Because I know their secrets! I don't need
any of you!"

No one followed him as he left the room and the house.

"Our brother," Baynes said, "needs our help. Let us meditate for a while and send him healing and
helpful vibrations."

As they closed their eyes to begin, laughter invaded the room. All present heard it, but no one could
see its source. But it was soon gone, and Baynes and his followers of the white path of magick soon
resumed their own form of meditation, praying to and invoking their one or many gods according to
their many and varied beliefs. The laughter was only one incident and did not undermine their
security of faith.

Outside, in the cold and above the snow which covered the ground deeply, an owl screeched in the
darkness and silence of the large ornamental garden. The cry startled them more than the demonic
laughter.

VI

The voice awoke Conrad, and he roused himself from his troubled sleep to see Mador standing beside
his bed.

"Breakfast, Professor?" the dwarf asked again.

"What?"

"Breakfast?"

"What time is it?"

"Time to rise and eat!" He handed Conrad a neat pile of clothes. "Hurry! Rise and eat"

"Leave me alone," Conrad said. His dreams had been disturbing, his sleep broken, and he felt in need
of rest.

"The Master sent me," Mador replied, and smiled.

Wearily, Conrad sat up in his warm bed. The room itself felt cold. "Alright. I won't be long."

"I wait for you - outside."

Conrad dressed slowly in the black clothes someone had selected for him before following Mador to
the dining room. The maid was waiting, ready to serve him from the many dishes and he was not
surprised when Mador left him. He was surprised when the young lady who had sexually initiated
him entered the room to sit beside him.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked him, and smiled.

"Er, yes thank you," Conrad replied in his surprise.

"Do try the kippers," she said to him. "From Loch Fyne. Delicious!" she gestured toward the maid
who began to serve them both.
"Do you live here?" Conrad cautiously asked her.

"You are sweet!" she chided him. "I suppose you could say that. I'm Susan, by the way."

"Conrad," he said unnecessarily and held out his hand.

She did not take it and he was left to awkwardly shuffle in his chair.

"Did you like your room?" She asked.

"Well, it was unusual."

"They all say that!"

" 'They?' " he asked.

She ignored his question. "Has the Master explained what you will be doing today?"

"No."

"I'm sure he will want to see you - after you have eaten." She gestured toward the kipper with which
the maid had served him.

"I'm not very hungry, actually."

She laughed. "You're not a vegetarian by any chance, are you?"

"No, of course not."

"After all the energy you expended last night," she smiled at him, "I would have thought you'd be
ravenous!"

Conrad blushed at this reminder of the passion they as strangers had shared.

"Such innocence!" she said,

"There is a painting in my room," he said to cover his embarrassment. "Is it very old?"

"Have you read any of the book that was left in your room?"

"A little. It's very interesting."

"It's a beginning," she shrugged. "Just a beginning."

"Have you been involved with this group long?"

"That's a quaint way of putting it! 'This group!' You mean, have I been a Satanist a long time?"

The woman's self-assurance, his own discomfort at being a guest in an unusual and luxurious house,
and his shyness with women all combined to make Conrad wish he was elsewhere - at his lectures,
preferably, learning about the mysteries and beauties of Physics. But as he sat looking at the young
and quite beautiful woman beside him and as he remembered the bliss they had shared, he began to
feel a confidence in himself. It was as though some of the power he had felt during the wiccan ritual
over a week ago had returned.

"Yes," he said smiling at her, "how long have you been a Satanist?" He said the last word with relish,
as though consciously and proudly committing a sin.

"I was brought up with it - baptised into it."

"Really?"

"Naturally, there was a time when I began to question it, and was given the freedom to do so. In fact
even encouraged."

"By your parents?"

"But once you have tasted paradise on Earth, it is irresistible!"

"Why do you evade some of my questions?" Conrad asked, his confidence growing.

Her eyes seemed to him to sparkle as she answered. "Because I am a woman and like to be
mysterious!"

Without quite realizing what he was doing he leant toward her and kissed her lips. She did not draw
away, and out of the corner of his eye he could see the maid pretending to look out of the window at
the garden. Across the room, he heard a discreet and almost gentlemanly cough.

Aris stood by the door. "If you have finished," he said almost smiling, "perhaps we can talk."

"Of course!" Conrad said, surprised.

"In the library." He turned around and left.

"Can I see you - later?" Conrad asked Susan.

"Do you really want to?" She teased.

"Yes!"

"Perhaps. You'd better not keep him waiting."

"No." He stood up, bent down to kiss her, then decided against it.

The door to the library was open, and Aris was already sitting in a chair by the desk.

"Come!" The Master said in greeting.

Conrad sat opposite trying not to appear nervous.

"The power you felt before," Aris said, "is returning to you. As you hoped it would. This is one result
of your Initiation. For you must understand, Initiation into our way is similar to opening a channel, a
link, to those hidden or Occult powers which form the real essence of magick."

Conrad was impressed, but Aris continues in his unemotional way. "Those powers you may use for
whatever you desire. For sexual gratification, should you so wish. Such power as you feel and have
felt will grow, steadily, with your own Occult and magickal development. What occurred last night is
but the first of many stages in that development. Are you then prepared to go further?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"There is a task I wish you to undertake, a task connected to your Initiation. But you must understand
that you have been chosen for more than just this and such other tasks as may be necessary for your
own magickal development. For remember I have said that you have a special Destiny to fulfil. What
this Destiny is, will become clear when the time is right. You are important to us, as we to you.
Because of this you are more to me and my comrades in magick than a mere Initiate, a beginner in
the ways of our dark gods. Remember this, Conrad Robury. I extend my hospitality to you and not
just of my house, as you know, because you are more than another novice.

"Now to your task. It will, for a short while, take you away from the house."

Conrad sensed that, whatever the test was, it would partly be a test of fidelity to Aris and his Satanic
group.

"You are familiar with someone called Paul Fitten," Aris said.

It was not a question, but Conrad still answered, "Yes."

"You are to go to him and persuade him that you wish to help him. Then you must endeavour to
undertake a magickal ritual with him. It will be a qabalistic ritual, but never mind. During this ritual
you are to redirect the power brought forth - which you must help to generate - so that it takes control
of Fitten, harms him in some way. Do you understand?"
"Yes."

Aris stared at him, then smiled. "You understand part of it - yes. For you believe I aim to test your
morals by asking you to harm by magickal means another individual. But there is more, as you will
discover. Now, I have a gift for you - a gift of your Initiation." He placed a silver ring with an
ornamental stone on the desk. "Wear it always from this day as a sign of your desire to follow our
ways."

Without thinking Conrad began to place the ring on the third finger on his right hand.

"The other hand," Aris said.

Conrad obeyed. The ring was a perfect fit.

"Now, Conrad Robury, you must go to accomplish your task. Susan, as my Priestess, will go with
you."

Conrad was at the door when Aris said, "Do not let them - or anyone - try to remove your ring."

VII

Susan, obviously prepared, had driven him straight to Fitten's house. It was a small house, bordering
a quiet road near the edge of the city and a dog ran out toward them, barking, as they walked along
the path to the door. Susan stared at the dog, and it whimpered away.

Conrad knocked loudly on the door, as a Policeman might. Fitten bore no visible scars of his ordeal at
the hands of Gedor and greeted them warmly.

"Come in!" he said. "Please come in! I knew you would come! It was in the chart, you see!"

He led them into a room crowded with books and dimly lit but where a coal fire burned warmly.

"Please, be seated!" he enthused. "I have so much to tell you!"

"This is Susan," Conrad said.

"Yes, yes! How did you escape?"

"Escape?" asked Conrad.

"From the house of the Satanists? You were there, yesterday."

"Oh, them. They seemed only too anxious," lied Conrad, "to let me go after you appeared. One of
them mentioned something about 'magickal attack. Perhaps they thought I would be a burden to them
in that case."

"As you would, as you would my son!"

Conrad winced.

"Did you read the books I gave you?" Fitten asked.

"They destroyed them."

"Ah! They are evil, evil incarnate!"

"But who are they?"

"You do not know?" Fitten looked amazed.

"No. Should I?"

"Perhaps not. It is not important. You are here, now, that's what important."

"I wish," Conrad said and sighed, "someone would tell me what this is all about. I get invited to this
party at a house, meet a right bunch of weird characters. Then you appear and are thrown out. Then
one of them shows me this Temple they use. I'm a bit out of my depth, here."

"They need an opfer, you see. For their Mass. Not a Black Mass - no, something far worse, something
more vile and sinister. You had all the right qualities. Just what they needed. They knew that after
you attended that meeting of the Circle of Arcadia. They know. They have spies - agents - infiltrators
in most groups."

A slim, young woman appeared in the doorway of the room. "Would you like some tea, dear?" she
asked her older husband.

"What?" said Fitten.

"Tea. Would you like some?" She innocently returned Conrad's smile.

"Why not! Why not indeed!"

She had gone when Conrad spoke. "You said they needed an opfer - a sacrifice."

"I did? Quite! They needed - still need - someone young. They have a tradition, you see, of
sacrificing a young man aged twenty one. But only for this important ritual. The time of this ritual is
near. They will have power from it. Not just Occult power. No, real power! They channel the
magickal forces, you see, into a practical form - sometimes a person, sometimes an institution, a
company, or something like that. Such use of magick is real black magick, real evil! They fermented,
these worshippers of the darkest of dark forces, the French Revolution - the blood spilled was a
sacrifice, an offering to their strange alien gods. They brought about with their magick the Third
Reich. Now they prepare again!" He wiped the sweat from his forehead with his hand.

"But why me?" Conrad asked, trying to appear serious.

"You were a key to open the gate to the powers, the dark powers of the Abyss. Their Black Magick
rites would use this power! I have sent for help."

"Sent for help?"

"A Magus. The most powerful White Lodge has been alerted. They will send a Magus."

"You do not want to deal with it yourself?" Conrad asked.

"I? I have no authority! A council must be convened: all the Magister Temple must be invited."

"But if the situation is as serious as you believe," Conrad resisted the temptation to smile, "can you
afford to wait. Surely you must do something yourself."

"Well," Fitten sighed, "I did a little ritual. Last night."

"And it worked. I am here."

"I am thankful to the Lord for that. They might try and get you back - or find another opfer." He
slumped in his chair, looking pale and tired.

Suddenly, Conrad conceived an idea. "Will you excuse me a moment," he said, "I must go to the
toilet."

Fitten said nothing, and stared into the fire. Conrad left. He found Fitten's wife in the kitchen of the
house.

"Making tea?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Any special kind?"

"No, just ordinary tea."

"I prefer Formosa Oolong myself." He closed the door.

"I wouldn't know!"

"There's a lovely tea shop in the city centre which serves a good selection. Perhaps you've been
there?"

"No," she said and turned away from him.

"It's really lovely sitting there of a winter's evening watching people pass in the street. You must try it
sometime."

"Maybe."

"You look very tired," he said, softly.

"It's been a hectic week."

"Perhaps you need a break - away from the house."

"Maybe," she said dully.

"Please don't be offended, but perhaps I could take you out to dinner one evening?"

"I'm sorry?" she said with genuine surprise.

"You looked so sad, standing there," he said with kindness in his voice.

"I'm just tired."

"Would you like to come to dinner with me one evening? I know a rather nice restaurant."

"It's very kind of you to ask," she said formally.

"I'm not being kind. It would give me great pleasure to have the company of a beautiful woman for an
evening. And you are beautiful."

"I'm a married woman!"

"And a beautiful one. When did you last dine out?" He could see that the question pained her
although she did not answer.

"Would he really miss you for one evening?"

She looked at him briefly then lowered her eyes. He moved toward her and held her hand, gently
caressing it with his fingers. She closed her eyes, and he was surprised by her reaction as he was by
his own confidence. It was as though he had become another person. He bent forward to kiss her but
she moved away.

"Please," she pleaded, but made no move to free her hand from his.

"Tonight," he said, "About eight o'clock?"

"I don't know."

"I'll collect you about a quarter to eight, then."

"The lady who came with you - " she asked.

"My sister?" he lied. "She wants to talk to your husband about witchcraft, I think. Can't say I find the
subject of interest, myself. I'm studying Physics at the moment."

She finally withdrew her hand from his. "At the University?"

"Yes. Do you know it?"

"I went there," she said shyly.

"Really? What did you study?"

"Geology."

"I've always been fascinated by that subject. You must tell me about it - tonight."

"I didn't complete my course."

"To get married?"

"No. Well, not exactly." She turned away to complete her preparation of the tea. She gave him the
tray. "Would you mind?" she asked.

"Not at all! Tonight, then?"

She smiled and held the door open for him. "We'll see!" she said.

Down the dark hallway of the house he could hear Fitten's agitated voice.
"Tea?" he said, entering the warm room.

"Mr. Fitten," Susan said, "is thinking of performing a ritual here tonight."

"Oh? Why?"

"Well," Susan continued, "I suggested it would be a good idea at this moment in time. To strike now,
when they are unprepared."

"I don't know, I don't know!" said Fitten, shaking his head.

"I have explained" Susan said to Conrad, "that I myself am a Second Degree Witch, so I can assist."

Suddenly, Fitten stood up. "Yes! We must act! I feel it is right! The time is right! You are right."

"If it would help," Susan said to him, "I have something taken from the house of the Satanists." She
fumbled in her handbag.

Fitten took the silver medallion inscribed with an inverted pentagram and the word 'Atazoth'.

"Atazoth. Atazoth," he mumbled. "Yes, this would be very suitable; very suitable indeed. Where did
you get it?"

"Conrad found it in the house."

"Yes. I gave it to her. All this Occult stuff does not really interest me. Not any more."

"But you are, " Susan asked him "prepared to partake in a ritual with us."

"Of course. As I explained to my sister," he said to Fitten, "although I don't understand all of this, I'm
prepared to help. I trust her judgement."

"Good! Good!" Fitten said. "Tonight, you say?" he asked Susan.

"It would be best. You could get assistance? For I have heard you have many contacts. I would of
course leave the type of ritual up to you - since you have far more knowledge and experience of
ceremonial than I."

Fitten was pleased by Susan's praise. "I would have to make some telephone calls."

"Naturally. What time would you suggest?" Susan asked.

"Eight o'clock. The hour of Saturn!"

"Surely," Conrad said, "the sooner we begin the better. How about now?"

"Now? Now?" Fitten looked amazed.

"There is you, me, my sister - your wife."

"My wife?"

"Such a ritual as we need to do may be dangerous."

"But surely she has assisted you before?"

"Of course! Many times, in fact. We need more time to prepare."

"But we have the medallion," Susan suggested.

"Even so - "

"Do you intend," Susan asked, "to conjure force and send it against the Satanists?"

"Yes. Yes, I had thought in such terms. Psychic attack! I can remember the face of that evil woman!"

"What woman?" Conrad asked.

"That evil woman who was with you in their house!"

"Tanith is her name."

"I thought so! The spirits speak to me, you see. The Lord is with us!" He stared at them both as if
possessed. "Yes! We will act now!" Then he was quiet again and softly spoken. "I will make a few
telephone calls - perhaps some friends of mine can come at short notice."

As soon as he left the room, Susan asked, "You have a plan?"

"Indeed! It should be interesting!"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Susan asked, smiling.

"Yes! I feel really alive! Bursting with energy!"

^^^^^^^
Fitten was not away long. "Three others!" he announced on his return. "Three have agreed to come!"

"It bodes well, then," Conrad said.

"My Temple - we will wait for them in my Temple."

"Your wife will be participating?"

"Yes, she will. Come, I will show you my Temple."

The Temple was a converted bedroom. There was no altar, only a large circle inscribed on the floor
around which were magical names and signs. IHVH, AHIH, ALIVN and ALH. The name Adonai
was the most prominent and various Hebrew letters completed the circle's adornment, The walls of
the room were grey and white, and inside the circle on the floor stood a small table covered with a
sword, several knives, candles and bowls of incense. The sword and knives were inscribed with
writing the Conrad, from even his cursory study during the last week of the qabalistic ceremonial
tradition, recognized as the magickal script called 'Passing the River'.

"We must meditate while we wait for the others," Fitten said as he lit several candles scattered around
the floor.

"Bring good vibrations to assist us."

Following Susan, Conrad sat on the floor. He closed his eyes and imagined the room filling with
demons and imps. He was almost asleep when Fitten's wife brought the remainder of the participants,
two rather plump men and a woman with an unsmiling sallow face.

"Let us begin!" Fitten announced dramatically. He gave his congregation white robes and offered
some to Susan and Conrad who declined. "Let us stand within the circle!" he announced.

Conrad deliberately stood next to Fitten's wife with Susan beside him. Then Fitten was pointing the
tip of the sword at the painted circle on the circle on the floor.

"I exhort you," he shouted, "by the powerful and Holy names which are written around this circle,
protect us!"

He put down his sword, held a piece of parchment up and then sprinkled incense over the floor. "Let
the divine white brilliance descend. Before me Raphael, behind me Gabriel, at my right hand
Michael, and at my left hand Auriel. For before me flames the pentagram and behind me stands our
Lords' six pointed star. Elohim! Elohim Gibor! Eloath Va-Daath! Adonai Tzabaoth! City of Light,
open your radiance to us. We command you and your guardians, by the Holy Names - Elohim
Tzabaoth! Elohim Tzabaoth! Elohim Tzabaoth! Twelve is our number."

"Twelve," repeated the others present, with the exception of Susan and Conrad.
"There are twelve," Fitten continued, "twelve signs of the Zodiac."

"Twelve signs of the Zodiac."

"Twelve labours of Hercules."

"Twelve labours of Hercules."

"Twelve disciples of our Lord!"

"Twelve disciples of our Lord."

"Twelve months in the year!"

"Twelve months in the year."

"Let us adore," Fitten chanted, "the Lord and the King of Hosts. Holy art thou Lord, thee who hast
formed Nature. Holy art thou, the vast and the mighty one, Lord of Light and of the Darkness. Holy
art thou, Lord! By the word of Paroketh, and by the sign of the rending of the Veil, I declare that the
Portal of the Adepts is open! Hear the words! These are the words - Elohim Tzabaoth! Elohim!
Tzabaoth!"

He bent down to scribble a sign on the parchment, then held it up, circling round sun-wise as he did
so. "Come!" he shouted. "Come to me! To me!"

Conrad assumed the sign was of a demon, taken from the Lessor Key of Solomon.

"Behold the sign!" Fitten was saying. "Behold the Holy Name and my power! EIO! EIO! EIO!
Tzabaoth! I command you! Appear! EIO! Tzabaoth!"

The candles began to dim, and Conrad could sense the anticipation of the participants. He saw Susan
close her eyes. She, too, was speaking, but softly so the others might not hear. He caught the words
'Agios o Satanas' as she exhaled but heard nothing more.

Then a vague, ill-defined and almost luminescent shape appeared in the corner of the room.

"Yod He Vau Heh!" Fitten shouted.

Almost immediately, Conrad took the hand of Fitten's wife in his own. She seemed to grasp it
eagerly, and he stepped back, placing his foot over the painted circle. He could feel a force pulling
him, and he closed his eyes to concentrate, willing the force into Fitten's wife.

She screamed, and fell to the floor. Then was she standing, her hair disheveled, his face contorted and
almost leering. She raised her hands like claws and began to walk slowly to where Fitten stood.
Hurriedly, Fitten tried to burn the parchment he was holding in the flame of one of the candles, but he
burnt his fingers instead. His wife was laughing and had ripped open her blouse to reveal her breasts.

Suddenly, as if realizing what had happened, Fitten stared at Conrad. He held the medallion Susan
had given him over the flame of the candle and as he did so his wife stopped, her hands held
motionless before her, her lips bared in a silent snarl. Susan gripped Conrad's arm, and he turned to
see her face contorted in pain.

There was a demonic strength in Conrad as he saw this, and his body tensed as he willed Fitten's wife
nearer and nearer to her husband. He could sense the elemental force within the room and tried to
shape it by his own will to make Fitten's wife take the medallion from his hand. She touched the
chain, and then the medallion, but did not scream as the heat from the candle burnt her flesh, its smell
invading the darkening room. She threw it to the ground to turn to face her husband, her hands
reaching up towards his bare neck.

Then, quite suddenly, she stopped. Conrad felt another force within the confines of the room. It was a
powerful force, opposed to him and he watched as Fitten's aura became visible, flaming upwards in
patterns of red and yellow and curling up over his head before it turned to inch closer and closer
toward him. Fitten's wife turned to walk in pace with the advancing colour-changing aura toward
where Conrad stood. There was something Conrad did not understand about all this as he strove to try
and will the advancing force away. Two names suddenly entered his mind. Baynes; Togbare an inner
almost laughing voice said, and he was wondering what to do next when he remembered the last
words of Aris his Master.

He held out his left hand to show Fitten his ring.

"The ring! We must get his ring!" one of Fitten's followers shouted.

They moved toward Conrad, slowly it seemed as if in slow motion, and as they did so Fitten's aural
light was sucked into the ring. Then all magickal power in the room was gone, and he could see
Fitten, his mouth open, his eyes staring, his face white. Fitten's wife had stopped again and was
slowly falling to the floor.

They reached her, but she was dead.

VIII

An exhausted Conrad had slept in Susan's car on their return journey to Aris' house. The death of
Fitten's wife had ended the ritual and a crazed Fitten had lunged at Conrad who had time only to raise
his arms in self-defence before Susan knocked Fitten unconscious using Martial Arts techniques.
"Go, please go" one of Fitten's group had said, and they had left unmolested.

The Master was waiting for them in the hall, and he ushered Conrad into the library where a log fire
had been lit.

"I gather there were certain complications," Aris said.

"Unfortunately."

"Tell me, then, what transpired - exactly as you remember it."

Conrad told his story - Fitten's wife, how he planned to use her during the ritual. The qabalistic
conjuration of Fitten. His own breaking of the circle. The aura and the presence. Finally, he spoke of
the ring which had drained the hostile magick away.

"Oh," concluded Conrad, "I remember two names. They just came into my mind before I was
remembered about the ring."

"Are you certain it was before?"

"Yes."

"Certainly, that is interesting. And the names?"

"Baynes and Togbare."

Conrad thought he detected a look of surprise on Aris' face.

"You know them?" he asked.

"I have heard of them."

"Are they important?"

"You spoke of Fitten mentioning the White Lodge. Do you know what that means?"

"Only that it is supposed to be a group of Occultists who follow the Right Hand Path."

"It is a loose term used to describe a group of followers of that path who are dedicated to
counteracting the activities of groups such as ours. Most are also followers of the Nazarene. This
White Lodge fears that we will unite to use our powers against them. There are some who believe a
'Black Lodge' exists for just this purpose. Paranoia, naturally." He smiled, and the sinister nature of
his appearance in that moment became evident to Conrad. "Or at least it was."
"This White Lodge," Aris continued, "tries to infiltrate Satanist groups, disrupt them, and so on. They
conduct rituals for just such a purpose. The Council of this Lodge - an extremely secret organization -
oversees all these activities, and its present head is a certain Frater Togbare."

"I see," quipped Conrad, nervously.

"Then perhaps you will explain what you see."

"It was not Fitten I was struggling with toward the end of the ritual but this White Lodge."

"Probably."

"But how - how did they know?"

"Through Fitten himself. You said he had claimed to be in contact with them before the ritual."

"Yes." Earnestly, he looked at Aris. "If this White Lodge is so powerful why did they allow Fitten's
wife to die?"

Aris smiled. It was not a pleasing smile. "Once brought, such power has to be used, directed. It was
dissipated, one could say, through the woman's death."

"They could not have saved her?"

"Yes, they could have, but they were unprepared for the ring."

"The ring?" Conrad stared at it. It looked ordinary, now in the light of the room and the fire.

"It was a link - between you and Susan."

"Susan? I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"You will."

His tone precluded, it seemed to Conrad, any further discussion of the matter. "But the woman's
death," Conrad asked, "surely there will be complications? The Police - "

"Will not be involved," completed Aris. "The White Lodge - or rather the individuals composing it -
are quite influential. Death by natural causes, I am sure will be the verdict."

"But surely I - I mean, what occurred during the ritual - will have started something? Fitten and the
others will surely not let the matter stop there."

"What occurred was a warning to them - a prelude. There will shortly be a ritual undertaken by us in
which you will figure. Recall the mention I made of your Destiny. The time for fulfillment is near .
Now they know our strength and our power, as I wished!"

"So it was more than just a test for me - of my Initiation?"

"Yes! As your Initiation was more than just another Initiation. But you are tired, and in need of
sustenance. Go then, and feast yourself. We will meet again, and soon."

He walked to a shelf and took down a book before opening it and beginning to read. Conrad left the
library to find Susan waiting.

"Shall we eat first?" she asked him quizzically.

"I'm sorry?" he said obtusely, still suffering from his contact with Aris.

"Which appetite do you want to satisfy first?"

He smiled, and she took his hand leading him toward the stairs and her room. It was luxurious, warm
and vaguely perfumed, and he was surprised by her eagerness for she had soon stripped him and
herself of clothes. She was remembering the ritual, the momentary exhilaration of rendering Fitten
unconscious but most of all the death they had induced as she sought through Conrad to satisfy her
lust.

"I want you!" she almost pleaded and screamed, and Conrad in his inexperience believed her. But his
own physical experience was growing along with his magickal-inspired confidence, and he sought,
and succeeded, to prolong his own pleasure and hers. In the bliss of his satiation he fell asleep, his
limbs entwined around her body, and it was in the deep of night he awoke, to find himself alone.

Thirst and hunger roused him from her bed, and he dressed to wander from the room. The house was
lit but with subdued and warming light, and he walked cautiously down the stairs, hoping to find
someone awake. The silence unnerved him, a little, and he stood by the open door to the dining room
for some minutes before going in.

The table was laid for one. The servers' door still swayed, a little, and he was about to push it open to
peer into the serving room and kitchen's beyond, when the maid opened it.

She indicated the chair, and he obediently sat at the table. Several times he tried to engage her in
conversation, and each time she turned away. Her expression never changed, and twice he asked her
after Susan but she continued with her duties, mute and efficient. He was served soup, a course
containing fillet steak, and he was sitting shrouded in silence and replete from the food drinking his
coffee alone when he saw a light in the garden through the window.

It was a torch, wavering in the distance. Vaguely, he could discern a person running. Intrigued, he
extinguished the lights in the room to watch the figure weave closer toward the house. The snow was
bright, and as the figure passed by, he recognized Fitten, and Conrad soon had the window open.
He clambered through, surprised by the intense cold outside. Fitten must have heard him, for he
turned around and shone the light from the torch into Conrad's face.

Then Fitten was screaming and running toward him. "You killed her! Devil!" he shouted.

Fitten swung the torch at Conrad's face, but Conrad parried the blow as Fitten tried to grapple. Then,
they were both on the ground, rolling over and over in the snow with Fitten trying to pummel
Conrad's face with his fists. Desperate, but determined, Conrad butted Fitten's head with his own.
Dazed, Fitten rolled away and Conrad was about to stand and drag him to his feet when Aris and
Gedor walked out of the house toward them.

"How pleasing!" Aris said. "He has arrived just in time to join our little celebration. Bring him!" he
commanded Gedor, and Gedor obeyed, lifting Fitten easily.

They were returning toward the house when Aris said, "We have other unwelcome guests, I sense."
He appeared to be listening to something no one else could hear, then turned to Gedor. "Release
him!"

Gedor dropped Fitten into the snow. Aris bent over him, gripping his neck in his hand and saying in
an almost sibilating voice, "He is dead already! Give him to them if they wish it!"

He released Fitten, who fell dazed. Then Aris was gone, into the shadows of the trees beside one side
of the house, and as he did so two mean appeared, walking over the snow from the front of the house.

"I'm sorry to intrude," the tallest of them said to Conrad, "but we have come for him."

"What do you want?" Conrad asked aggressively.

"My name is Baynes - " the tall man said.

"Baynes?" Conrad repeated, and then remembered.

"Yes. Now, about Mr. Fitten - "

"You are not welcome here," Conrad said.

"That is no surprise to me. We have come to escort Mr. Fitten home. I am very much afraid the recent
death of his wife has unsettled him."

Fitten had stood up, his head bowed and he appeared to be crying.

"Take him," Conrad said.

"Thank you Mr. Robury."

Conrad was surprised at the use of his name. "Go, now," he said. "This is private property."

"This place and that attitude," Baynes said gently, "do not suit you. If at any time you wish to come
and talk with me - "

Conrad was beginning to get angry. "Push off!"

"You do not realize what is happening to you, do you?"

"Gedor - " Conrad said, gesturing toward Baynes. He was half-surprised when Gedor, obeying him,
moved forward menacingly.

"We shall take our leave," Baynes said, holding Fitten's arm.

Conrad watched them go. Someone was walking toward him from the house, and he turned to see
Susan.

"Our ritual will begin soon," she said. "Come, I must prepare you - for the fulfillment of your Destiny
is near."

His anger had left him by the time they reached the libation chamber, beside the hidden Temple, with
its sunken pool. He stood watching Susan as she stripped naked to bathe. The sight aroused him,
while nearby in the Temple, he could hear that Satanic chanting had begun.

IX

Only once did Conrad think about the death of Fitten's wife - but he did not care. He had and did feel
the pure exhilaration of life, the joy - the blissful ecstasy of living totally without planning and almost
without thought. There was an exuberance within him which he felt he was beginning to need.

Events were happening to him, rather than being controlled by him, but he possessed a strong sense
of his own importance, a strong belief that life had chosen him for something, and he drifted into the
events with wonder but little fear. His life, since the light suffused him during the wiccan rite, had
been enhanced. Was what he felt, he briefly thought, the ecstasy that warriors found in war and which
they sought again and again? That bliss of being so near oblivion that there was a pure joy in the
ordinary moments of living? Was this, he wondered, the true meaning of Satanism?

He did not know, nor particularly care, so far had magick re-made him, and he followed Susan down
the steps into the Temple with greedy anticipation, proud of his robe which had been waiting for him
beside the waters of libation, and proud that he had physically possessed Susan, the beautiful Satanic
priestess.
Near the altar on which Tanith lay naked, a crystal tetrahedron glowed, adding to the light from the
candles. The congregation were gathered round the altar and their Master stood nearby, holding up
the wax effigy which had lain on Tanith's womb.

"I who delivered you in birth now name you," he said, but Conrad could not hear the name Aris
pronounced and blessed with the sign of the inverted pentagram.

Susan took the effigy, and dressed it while the Master raised his arms.

"I will go down to the altars in Hell," he said.

"To Satan, the giver of life," responded the congregation.

Conrad stood within their circle, raising his voice in the Satanic prayers that followed. He knew the
Satanist 'Our Father' and Creed by heart.

Aris began the chanting which followed. 'Agios o Satanas!' he sang. It was then that Conrad noticed
the small coffin beside the altar, and a black shroud, ready. The chanting continued as Susan assisted
Tanith from the altar before clothing her in a crimson robe.

"We" Tanith said to them all, "curse Paul Fitten."

"We curse Paul Fitten."

"He," she said, with glee, "will writhe and die."

"He will writhe and die."

"By our curse, destroyed!"

"By our curse, destroyed!"

"We shall kill him!" she laughed.

"We shall kill him!" the congregation, Susan, Aris and Conrad laughed.

In the shadows, someone beat a hand-drum, capturing the rhythm of the chant.

"We shall glory in his death!" Tanith, as Mistress of Earth, said.

"We shall glory in his death!"

Tanith made passes with her hands over the effigy, chanting as she did so, before picking it up and
showing it to the worshippers gathered around her.

"The Earth rejects him," she said.

"You reject him," the responded.

"I who gave you birth, now lay you down to die!" She placed the effigy in the coffin, secured the lid,
and wrapped the shroud around it.

"He is dead!" She said.

"He is dead! By our curse, destroyed!"

Slowly, Susan led the dance and the chant. "Dies irae, dies illa, solvet saeclum in favilla teste Satan
cum sibylla. Quantos tremor est futurus quando Vindex est venturus, cuncta stricte discussurus. Dies
irae, dies illa!"

The chant was strange to Conrad, almost unearthly, but he quickly learnt it as he danced and chanted
with the others, counter sun-wise around the altar. The dance and the chant were becoming quicker
with every revolution, and he was almost glad when Susan pulled him away. She did not speak, but
took him down with her to the floor while Tanith stood over them, saying "Frates, ut meum vestrum
sacrificium acceptabile fiat apud Satanas!"

Susan kissed him as they lay on the ground and Tanith kneeled beside them to caress Conrad's
buttocks and back. In the excitement of the ritual and Tanith's touch, Conrad's task was soon over,
and he slumped over Susan, temporarily exhausted from his ecstasy. He did not resist when Tanith
rolled him over, and watched, as the dancers danced around them still chanting and the light pulsed
with the beat of the drum, while Tanith buried her head between Susan's thighs. Then she was kissing
him with her wet mouth before she stood to kiss each member of the congregation in salutation.

"You gave him his birth," Susan was chanting as she walked toward the shrouded coffin, "and with
my power I have killed him who dared to stand against us! See!" she said, laughing as she faced the
congregation who had gathered around her to listen, "how my magick destroys him! He died in agony
and we rejoiced!"

"He died in agony and we rejoiced!" they responded.

She took the coffin, placed it on the floor of the Temple and held a lighted candle to the shroud. It
burst into flames. "Our curse, by my will," she said, "has destroyed him! Dignum et justum est!"

She laughed, Conrad laughed, the congregation laughed as the shroud and the coffin burnt fiercely.

"Feast now, and rejoice," Tanith commanded them, "for we have killed and shown the power of our
Prince!"
Near Conrad, the orgy of lust began as two naked men walked down the steps to the Temple carrying
large trays full of food and wine. A woman came toward Conrad, smiled, and removed her robe, but
Susan took his hand and led him back up the steps.

She did not speak, and he did not, but bathed with him in the libation chamber, to dress herself and
wait while he dressed, and take him back to the house. The room to which she took him was dark and
empty.

"You felt no power in the ritual?" she suddenly asked as they stood beside each other in the coldness.

"Yes" he lied.

"You must be honest with me," he heard Aris' voice say. Light came slowly - a soft light to reveal
only the bare walls of the room and Susan standing and smiling beside him. There were no windows,
and the door was closed.

"Do not be afraid," Susan said in her own voice.

"I am not afraid," he answered honestly.

"Tell me, then, about the ritual," Susan asked softly.

"There was something," he said, "but not what I expected."

"Am I what you expect?" she said with Aris' voice. She was watching him, waiting.

Momentarily, Conrad had the impression that Susan was not human at all - she was something
unearthly which was using her form and Aris' voice, something from another Time and Space. But he
had touched her, kissed her, felt the soft warmth of her body. Confused, he stood watching her. She
was not the young woman he had known: her eyes became full of stars, her face the void of space.
She became Aris, and then a nebulous chaos that was incomprehensible to him.

He could feel within him her longing for the vastness of space. There was a sadness within this
longing, for it had existed before him and would exist after his own death, thousands of years upon
thousands of years. He would have to understand, he suddenly knew - he would have to understand
and help before this sad longing, this waiting would be over.

Then she was Susan again, standing next to him and holding his hand, caressing his face with her
fingers. Gentle and warm.

"You are beginning to understand," she was saying.

Her touch re-assured him. "Yes" he said, “I am yours."

The door opened, and Aris came toward him.

"Your life," Aris the Master said, "will break the seal which binds Them."

"I have no choice," Conrad said as if hypnotized.

"You have no choice," Aris and Susan said together.

Aris smiled, and kissed Susan. "You have done well, my daughter. Now you must prepare him."

It was time, Conrad understood. Yes, it was time. Susan touched his forehead, and he fell
unconscious to the floor.

Fitten was mumbling to himself as he sat against the wall of Baynes' house. He seemed harmless, and
Baynes left him alone.

"He has been like this since you returned from that house?” The speaker was an old man whose white
beard terminated in a point. He sat on a comfortable chair, his ornately carved walking stick beside
him.

"Yes," replied Baynes. Frater Togbare was his honoured guest.

"I spoke with the Council, last night," Togbare said. "We are agreed the situation is serious. You have
had no recent news from Frater Achad?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"His Initiation in the Satanic group is due, you said?"

"Yes. Sometime during the next few days. He should be able to provide us with more information
then."

"Excellent. We shall need it. I only hope we have enough time."

Fitten began to gibber, jumping up and down as he watched the guests Baynes and Togbare had
invited arrive in their cars. Togbare went to him, and touched his shoulder. The gentle touch of the
Old Magus seemed to comfort Fitten, for he sat quietly in the corner, tracing shapes on his palm with
his finger.

It was not long before all the guests had arrived and were settled in the room. They had been quietly
told about Fitten, and could ignore him.

Baynes rose to address them. "Ladies and gentlemen. You are all, I know, familiar with the reasons
why Frater Togbare and myself have called this meeting. You come here - some I know from far
away - as representatives of many and different organizations. All of us, however, have a common
aim - to prevent the Satanists succeeding in their plan." He sat down, and Togbare whispered in his
ear.

"Er, yes of course," he agreed in answer to Togbare's whispered question. He stood up again. "Frater
Togbare has suggested I briefly outline the facts of the matter to you, so that everything is in
perspective - before we begin our magickal tasks." He surveyed the eager, expectant and occasional
anxious faces before him. Six men, and four women of varying ages and manner of dress. "We
believe that the Satanist group responsible for the death by magick of Mr Fitten's wife, the present
state of Mr Fitten himself, and the murder of, among others, Maria Torrens, are acting in concert with
a number of other Satanic groups in this and other countries to perform a powerful and very sinister
ritual. This ritual has as one of it's aims, the Opening of the Gates to the Abyss - releasing thus the
psychic energy that has been stored over the ages on various astral levels as well as drawing into the
ordinary world of our waking consciousness evil entities. This opening will release powerful forces,
and change the world. It will be the beginning of an age of darkness.

"As you all know, Satanists - and here of course I refer to genuine practitioners of the Black Arts and
not the showman type - have used their magickal powers for centuries to bring about chaos, to
increase the evil in this world. Perhaps there exist some centuries old Satanic plan - I do not know.
But what is clear, what has become evident to us over the past decade of so, is that some groups are
about to perform this particular ritual which to our knowledge no one has attempted before."

He smiled, a little. "Or perhaps I should say - no one has attempted and succeeded. The power of the
most important group involved in this is immense - as I am sure you all have realized. It is not easy,
in magick, as you all know, to kill another by ritual - but they possess this power, claimed by many
others, but rarely proven.

"When this power is released by their ritual there will be immediate effects as well as more long term
ones. An increase in evil deeds - resulting from weak individuals becoming possessed by the demonic
forces unleashed. That is only one example. You all share, I know, my concern and that of the
Council which Frater Togbare represents.

"Thus we have called you here to use our combined abilities to nullify this plan and the ritual. You all
are accomplished and experienced Occultists: some working within your own groups, others, alone. I
have myself prepared a site for you." He indicated a woman seated near him, resplendent in colourful
clothes and jewellery. "Denise here will go with you, and explain the details of the ritual we propose
to undertake."

A man rose, respectfully, from his chair. "You will not be accompanying us?" he asked.

"No. Neither will Frater Togbare. Perhaps I should explain. We recently infiltrated the main Satanist
group with one of our members. We are waiting for him to contact us with important details - the
time, place of the ritual and so on. As you will appreciate this is a delicate matter, and we need to be
available as the information could be received at any time. We will both, of course, at the appointed
time of your ritual, perform one of our own, joining you on the astral. I hope this answers your
question, Martin."

"Yes. Yes, of course," the now embarrassed man agreed.

"It only remains, therefore, for me to hand you over into the very capable hands of Denise."

Denise smiled affectionately at him, and he looked away.

As they stood to leave, Togbare addressed them. "I am most pleased," he said, "that you have
responded to our call so readily at no small sacrifice to yourselves. If I may be allowed to add a
codicil to our learned friends remarks, I would remind you that the ritual which the Satanists plan
here in this city or nearby, requires at least one - possibly more - human sacrifice. Thank you all,
most sincerely."

He beamed with delight, and shook the hands of several of the guests who came to greet him.

"Shall I light the fire?" Baynes asked him when all the guests were gone.

"That would be most kind," Togbare replied. "Most kind of you. Then we must begin."

"I suppose," Baynes said as he knelt down before the hearth to light the fire, already prepared. "We
could liken this opening of the gates to the return of Satan himself - Armageddon, and the beginning
of the reign of the Anti-Christ."

"Yes, possibly."

Suddenly, Fitten jumped up. "No! No!" he screamed. "He lies!" he shouted at Togbare. "He lies! I
know! Me! For I have been given the understanding!"

He moved toward Togbare, and Baynes went to restrain him.

"Leave me alone!" screamed Fitten. "You are cursed! He must know!" He pushed Baynes away.
Togbare smiled at him.

"Listen!" Fitten said to Togbare. "We will all be opfers. Not Satan! Not Satan! Do you understand? It
is THEM! The spawn of Chaos. They have lied to us, you see. Lied to us! Oh, how they have lied and
deceived us. The Master will bring Them - They need us, you see. From the stars They will come.
The seal that holds Them in Their own dimensions will be broken! Don't you understand? They are
not the Old Ones! They have lied about that, also! The Nine Angles are the key - "
Fitten stopped, his hands raised, his face red. Then he was coughing and choking, spitting blood
before he fell to writhe and scream on the floor. Frothy blood oozed from his mouth, and his bones
could be heard breaking. His face went blue, his eyes bulged and then he was still. Baynes went to
him, but he was dead, having swallowed his own tongue.

"We must be calm," Togbare said as sudden laughter filled the darkening room. "Concentrate, with
me." Baynes came to stand beside him. "There is evil in this room. Concentrate, with me," Togbare
repeated. "The flaming pentagram and the four-fold breathing."

Gradually, the laughter and the darkness subsided.

"He is dead," said Baynes unnecessarily. He covered Fitten's contorted face with his coat.

Eerily, the telephone began to ring. "Baynes here," he said. He listened, then gave the receiver to
Togbare. "It's Frater Achad. He wants to speak with you."

"Hello!" Togbare said. "Yes, we are alone. Mr Fitten? He was here, yes. But listen, my son. Just now
he died. Here, in this room. Are you still there? Evil magick - dark powers came to us, here. Yes, I
understand. I shall pray for you, my son. Goodbye." He returned the telephone receiver to Baynes.
"He could not speak for long."

"Of course. Did he mention anything? About the ritual?"

"Only a manuscript which might be relevant. Sloane MS 3189."

"I am not familiar with it, myself. British Museum?"

"Yes. Now, about poor Mr Fitten - "

"I shall take care of everything. The Police will have to be informed, of course."

"Naturally."

"I have some influence," Baynes said, shrugging his shoulders. "I do not like to use it, but in the
circumstances - "

"I quite understand," said Togbare sympathetically.

"There will be no need for the Occult connection to become known. If you will excuse me, for a
moment. I have some telephone calls to make."

"Yes, of course."

The fire was burning brightly when Baynes returned to find Togbare still sitting in the chair and
Fitten's body still nearby on the floor. Baynes admired Togbare's calm detachment.

"His notes and papers," Togbare asked. "It might help if we perused them."

"Possibly. I have a key to his house."

"Indeed?" Togbare was surprised.

"A few weeks ago," Baynes explained, "he came to see me. He gave me the key with the instructions
to burn all his notes, papers and books should anything happen to him."

"He was expecting something to happen?"

"Apparently. But he was always liable to get excited. It was just his way."

"You did not believe him?" asked Togbare without censure.

"To be honest, no. I wish I had done. Perhaps I could have done something."

"There is nothing anyone of us could have done. You have informed the Police?"

"Yes. Someone will be arriving shortly."

Togbare smiled. "Just as Denise and the others begin their ritual."

"Of course!" said Baynes, suddenly understanding. "The Master has timed this well."

Togbare sighed. "He is powerful. Yet there is something else. Our every effort to neutralize the
magickal power of this group over the years has come to nought. I have long suspected they have
infiltrated us. The Council itself. These most recent events only confirm my suspicions."

"You believe there is a traitor?" asked Baynes with incredulity.

"I do not believe," Togbare answered quietly, "I know." He sighed again. "For this knowledge I will
die. Perhaps my death will stop them - I do not know. But I know that beyond death this Satanic
Master will try and claim my soul."

Gently, Baynes held the old man's hand. It was cold, like the room.

"It will be dawn in a few hours," Baynes said.

Then the laughter returned to haunt them - damning, demonic laughter. But it was soon gone as,
outside, they heard an owl, screeking.
 XI

Around him, Conrad sensed many people. He could not see them directly, for he was held as if
paralysed on the floor of a small chamber near the Temple. There was a pillow supporting his head,
and he looked down to see himself dressed in a black robe, the septagon sigil of the Order
embroidered in red over the place of his heart.

He could hear chanting, smell incense and burning wax. Then a voice, speaking words he
remembered from his own Initiation: "Gather round, my children, and feel the flesh of our gift!" It
was Tanith's voice, but it seemed to become very distant. Then he was asleep again, dreaming of
being in space above the Earth as it turned in its orbit around the Sun. Then he was among alien but
humanoid beings as they descended to Earth from the cold prison of space. Time rushed on, in a
fluxion of images. Primitive tribes gathered in awe and greeting for the beings who taught, guided,
controlled and destroyed among the forests and the ice. Others opposed to them came forth from
space, seeking them out to kill or capture, taking their prisoners away, back into the cold, vast prison
in space from which they had escaped, sealing them in forever in a vortex. He was there, in the
dimensions and time beyond the causal, and felt their longing to escape, to explore the vastness and
the beauty of the stars.

He awoke feeling a sense of loss. For minutes he lay still, scarcely breathing, and then he saw - or
thought he saw - Tanith enter the chamber leading a man, blindfolded and bound. She lay with him
on the floor to complete his Initiation before removing the blindfold.

"Neil, Neil!" he tried to say as he recognized the man. But the words would not be formed by his
mouth and he lay helpless and still until the image vanished. He saw Susan walking toward him, and
he closed his eyes, refusing to believe them. But she touched him, washing his face and hands with
the warm water she carried in a bowl. She was smiling at him as she gently caressed him.

"I..." he began to say.

"Don't try to move too quickly," she said. "You will take some time to recover."

Slowly, he became aware he could move his fingers, his hands, his feet and as he did so he realized
he loved her.

She kissed him, as if understanding his thought. "You understand now?"

Her eyes were beautiful, and it did not matter to Conrad that they had seemed full of stars.

"I think so," he replied.

"Together, we are a key which opens the Gate, breaking the seal which binds Them."
He did not think it a strange thing for her to say.

"Now," she said, "you are prepared. Come - for the Master awaits us."

It was as he stood up that he remembered that she was the Masters' daughter. She led him from the
chamber into the dimness of the Temple. There were no candles on the altar, no naked priestess, no
congregation gathered to greet them, indeed nothing magickal except the crystal tetrahedron, glowing
as it stood on a plinth. Only the Master and Tanith awaited them.

"The season and time being right," intoned the Master, "the stars being aligned as it is written they be
aligned, this Temple conforming to the precepts of our Dark Gods, let us heed the Angles of the
Nine!"

He gestured toward the crystal, chanting "Nythra Kthunae Atazoth!" as he did so. The light that
seemed to emanate from within it darkened and then began to slowly change colour until only a dim
blue glow remained.

"So it has been," the Master intoned, "so it is and so shall it be again. Agarthi has known Them, the
Nameless who came forth before we dreamed. And Bron Wrgon, our twin Gate, Here," and he
gestured toward Susan and Conrad, "a Key to the dimensions beyond Time: a key to the nine angles
and the trapezohedron! From their crasis will come the power to break the seal which binds!"

"They exist," Tanith chanted as Aris began to vibrate with his voice the words of power - "Nii!
Ny'thra Kthunae Atazoth. Ny'thra! Nii! Zod das Ny'thra!" - "in the angles of those dimensions that
cannot be perceived, waiting for us to call and begin again a new cycle. They have trod the blackness
between the stars and they found us, huddled in sleep and cold. But the Sirians came, to seal us and
them again in our prisons and our sleep. Soon shall we both become free!"

The Master stood with his hands on the tetrahedron, as Tanith did, and they both began to vibrate a
fourth and an octave apart, the words that were the key to the Abyss.

Susan stood beside Conrad, but she did not pull him down with her to the floor as he expected.
Instead, she held his hands with hers and stood before him. Her hands were cold, icy cold, and he
could feel the coldness invading him. Her eyes became again full of stars which spread to enclose her
face. The Temple itself became black, and all he could hear was the insistent and deep chanting of the
words which would open the Abyss. It was a strange sound, as the two voices chanted an octave
fourth apart. Conrad began to feel dizzy, and felt he was falling. A profusion of stars rushed toward
him as if he was travelling incredibly fast in Space itself. He passed a coloured, broken grid made of
pulsing lights and world upon alien world. Peoples with strange faces and bodies upon strange
worlds, beautiful and disgusting scenes: a sunset on a world with three moons, red, orange and blue; a
heap of mangled corpses, spaked and being eaten by small animals with rows of sharp teeth while,
nearby, a starship lay crashed and mangled in yellow sand... The impressions were fleeting but
powerful and came and went in profusion. And then they suddenly ended. He was alone, totally alone
in stark and cold blackness. Faintly, he could hear a rustling. It was the wind, and as he listened and
waited, faint images, growing slowly and changing in colour - violet to blue to orange then red.
Brightness came with the swift dawn, and he found himself standing amid barren rocks beneath an
orange sky. A figure was walking toward him, and Conrad recognized it. It was himself.

The figure spoke, in Conrad's voice. "The seal that bound us is no more. Soon, we shall be with you."

The man smiled, but it was a sinister smile which both pleased and disquieted Conrad.

"Now I must depart," the image of Conrad said. "But before I go I give you a reward. See me as I
have been known to those on your world with little understanding."

The figure contorted, was Satan, and was gone.

XII

"You consider it important?" Baynes asked Togbare as they stood beside Fitten's desk in the study of
his house.

Togbare read the tattered manuscript again. "It could be. It well could be."

"Anything interesting?" Neil asked. He had met them at Baynes' house as they were preparing to
leave in the dawn light. He was fresh from his Initiation ceremony, but they wasted no time
discussing it.

"Does it mean anything to you?" Togbare asked Neil.

Neil took the manuscript - several pages of handwritten sheets. He read it carefully. "Not really," he
finally said, passing it to Baynes. "They told me very little - other than to be prepared for an
important ritual very soon."

Baynes read the writing. "The ancient and secret rite of the Nine Angles is a call to the Dark Gods
who exist beyond Time in the acausal dimensions, where that power which is behind the form of
Satan resides, and waits. The rite is the blackest act of black magick, for it brings to Earth Those who
are never named." He put the manuscript back on the desk. "Sounds like Lovecraft to me," said
Baynes dismissively.

"Of that," replied Togbare, "I am aware. Yet I gain the impression, from what I have read of Mr
Fitten's notes and the little I already know, that he himself - and I am inclined to support him - that he
regarded the mythos that Lovecraft invented, or which more correctly was given to him by his
dreaming-true, as a corruption of a secret tradition. He made his Old Ones loathsome and repulsive. I
myself am inclined to believe that if such entities as these so-called 'Dark Gods' exist they might be
shape-changers, like the Prince of Darkness himself."
"What do these qabalistic attributions mean?" asked Neil, pointing to a page of the manuscript Fitten
had written. "About 418 not being 13?"

"Alas," admitted Togbare, "I do not know."

"Do you think he copied this from somewhere?" Neil asked.

"Possibly. You said they mentioned books and manuscripts in their possession?"

"Yes. 'The Master' said I might see some of them, soon. All their Initiates, apparently, have to study
them."

"We shall have to wait, then," said Baynes.

"Possibly, possibly," mumbled Togbare. He began to search among the files that cluttered the desk
and the room itself. "There is a tradition," he muttered as he searched, "that Shambhala and Agharti
have their origin in a real conflict between cosmic forces at the dawn of Man. It is a persistent
tradition, in all Occult schools, and this may point to the tradition having at least some basis in fact."
He sat in the chair at the desk. "I am old," he said, shaking his head, "and the Inner Light that guides
our Council has been my strength for many, many years. Even as a young man I saught the mysteries.
Yet, here I am, many years later, and still I lack understanding. There is evil around, even here - in
this room. I sense it. What is happening and has been happening for years is distorting the Astral
Light. We seem to be about to face a new, darker, era. We seem no nearer a solution. Perhaps we
have looked in the wrong areas. We believed the Satanists who have caused the distortion to be literal
worshippers of the Devil. Then they became for us followers of To Mega Therion, their word
Thelema. Now, when it is almost too late, we discover they have no Word, except perhaps Chaos -
that what they plan is perhaps even more sinister and terrible than we imagined."

"But there is time," Neil tried to say, helpfully, "I am aware there is. Conrad Robury - "

"Ah!" Togbare's eyes brightened.

"If he is important to them in what they plan, then why has he appeared only now? Surely more
preparation is required."

"You know the gentleman, I believe?" Togbare asked.

"Yes," said Neil. "I introduced him to the wiccan group."

"And arranged an introduction with Mr Sanders," added Baynes.

"Yes I did."
"Even though," said Baynes quietly, "you knew Sanders to recruit for the Master and his group."

"Well, when you suggested I infiltrate them myself, I thought it would be a good ploy. Show my
intent, so to speak, to introduce someone who might be useful to them."

"And so it has proved," said Togbare.

"What are you suggesting?" Neil asked Baynes, as though he had not heard what Togbare said.

"I am not suggesting anything," replied Baynes, softly.

"Come! Come!" chided Togbare, "let us not quarrel. There are elementals about, trying to divide us
and disrupt our plans."

"I am sorry," Baynes said sincerely. "I'm just tired. You must forgive me."

Togbare looked at him with kindness. "When did you last sleep?"

"I don't know. A few days ago, perhaps. There has not been time."

"May I suggest," said Togbare, "that you return to your home for a few hours rest?"

"But surely, I can help here?"

"Yes, of course In a few hours time. It will not take all three of us to search these files." He indicated
a small pile on the desk, awaiting their attention. "Please, do go and get some rest."

"If you are sure," said Baynes.

"Yes, of course. We shall return to your home within the next few hours."

"Will you be alright?" Baynes turned to leave.

"Do not worry!"

Togbare waved to him through the window. The snow still lay heavy upon the ground, but the sky
was clear. "He works very hard," he mumbled to himself before returning to sit by the desk. "This
Conrad Robury," he asked Neil.

"Yes?"

"He had no previous interest?"

"No. None. He was a friend, studying science. It all started out as a bit of a joke, actually. He thought
all of the Occult was nonsense. So I suggested that as a scientist he should study the subject at first
hand. But there was always something about him. I don't quite know what - perhaps his eyes.
Sometimes when he looked at me I felt uneasy. He was a very intense young man. I know it may
sound funny, but he was very earnest in an almost puritanical way."

"He could be the sacrifice they need."

Neil sighed. "I know" His eyes showed the sadness and the guilt he felt at the possibility.

"Do not worry," said Togbare sincerely. "If that is what is planned, we shall save your Conrad
Robury."

"Did I hear," a voice from the doorway said, "someone call my name?" Conrad stepped into the
room.

"Conrad!" Neil said with pleasant surprise. He started to walk toward his friend, but Togbare
restrained him by grasping his arm.

"Wait," Togbare advised. He looked at Conrad. "By what right do you dare to enter here?"

Conrad smiled. "By the right of my Word - Chaos!"

"Conrad," Neil said, "what's happened?"

"You thought," Conrad said hatefully to him, "to betray us! You will not stop us! Neither of you will.
You!" he pointed at Neil, "are coming with me!"

"He is staying," said Togbare, using his stick to help himself stand.

"You do not frighten me, old man!" Conrad said. He moved toward Neil, but Togbare raised his stick.
Conrad felt a sudden and severe pain in his stomach. He tried to move forward, but the pain
increased, and he placed his hands on his abdomen, grimacing with pain.

Silently, Susan came into the room to stand beside him. She touched his hand, and the pain vanished.
He stared at Togbare, concentrating on shaping his own aura into a weapon. He formed it using his
will into an inverted septagon which he aimed at Togbare.

The effect was minimal, for Togbare still smiled and raised his stick. From it's tip white filaments
flowed to form a flaming pentagram above the Mage's head. The pentagram came closer and closer,
sending purple filaments toward Conrad who held up his ring to absorb them. But however hard
Conrad tried he could not will any force to oppose the filaments. The ring simply kept absorbing
them. For every one filament absorbed, three new ones arose until both he and Susan were enclosed
in a purple web. Desperate and determined, Conrad concentrated on his ring, remembering the chant
he had heard in the Temple. The concentration and visualization seemed to work, for a bright red bolt
broke forth from his ring, hurtling toward Togbare. But the Magus simply held out his palm which
harmlessly absorbed the light. Conrad could feel his power being slowly drained away. Then he
remembered.

Susan's hand was near and he grasped it tightly. She leant against him and he felt a force rush through
him. She was laughing, the power she gave him was strong and he had time only to fashion its primal
chaos into the sign of the inverted pentagram before it sped across the room in accordance with his
desire. It touched Togbare's stick, knocking it from his hand as the purple web which enclosed the
Satanists shattered, then disappeared.

Togbare was unharmed, but his power was gone."You have powerful friends, I see," he said.

"You cannot stop us!" Conrad laughed.

Togbare smiled, and bent down to retrieve his stick. Cautiously, Conrad stepped back. "Do not
worry," Togbare said. "My power - like yours - is for the moment gone. But it will return, and soon."

Conrad went toward him and tried to grasp the stick. He wanted to break it over his knee. But some
force around Togbare kept him away. It was as if when he got within a few feet of the Magus he
became paralysed.

"It is your evil intent," Togbare said, and smiled, "which holds you back."

Conrad ignored him. Instead, he caught hold of Neil, twisting his arm behind his back. "You're
coming with us!"

"He will be of no use to you," said Togbare. "As your Master will soon realize."

"We shall see!"

"Please," Neil pleaded, "don't let them take me!"

"They cannot harm you, my son," Togbare said. "Trust me. Now I have seen their power, I know
what to do."

Neil was unsure, and struggled to be free. Conrad held him round the throat. "So much for his power,
eh?" he said as he pushed Neil toward the door.

"Conrad, Conrad!" Neil pleaded. "What's happened to you?"

"You're to be our sacrifice!" Conrad said, and laughed.

"Help me! For God's sake help me!" Neil cried out.
"It's too late!" gloated Conrad. "We need your blood!"

Susan had her car waiting outside the front door of the house, and Conrad pushed Neil into it, holding
him down as she drove away toward their Satanic Temple.

XIII

For several hours Togbare stayed in Fitten's house. At first, following the departure of Conrad and
Susan with Neil, he sat at the desk and meditated, gradually restoring to himself, by breath control
and mantra, the power he had lost during the astral combat.

Afterwards, he studied Fitten's manuscripts, notes and books, and it was almost noon when he stood
up from the desk. In his absorption, he had not noticed the cold of the room, and he shivered, a little,
as he walked to the door. Outside, the sun was warming, and he walked slowly and steadily like the
old man he was, the miles to Baynes' house, glad of the exercise and the snowy coldness of the
Winter air.

Baynes was in his large study when Togbare arrived. The room was warm, and Togbare sat by the
coal fire as he related the events leading to the taking of Neil. Baynes was clearly perturbed.

"I am sure," Baynes said, "they will sacrifice him. He has betrayed them - broken the oath of his
Initiation. This is disturbing news, it really is. I do not believe we can wait any longer. I think the
time has come for us to act - swiftly and decisively."

"You have a suggestion?"

"Yes. Since this Conrad Robury is important to then - or so it seems - I suggest we entice him away
from their house, and hold him, here if necessary, for a few days as our guest. We can then arrange
for him to be exchanged with Mr Stanford."

Togbare's surprise showed on his face. "It would not be right."

"To save Mr Stanford's life? It is the only way, for I do not believe that we can succeed by magick
alone. Not now."

For a long time Togbare did not speak. He sat staring into the flames of the fire.

"You are right," he finally said, and sighed. "I do not like it, but it appears to be our only hope. The
situation is desperate."

"May I," Baynes said, "therefore suggest that we - you and I - undertake a simple rite with the
intention of enticing Robury from the house. I could arrange for some people to be waiting. He would
not be harmed, of course."
"You could arrange all this?"

"Yes. It should not take long - a few hours, no more." He turned toward Togbare and smiled. "Wealth
has its uses - occasionally!"

"Those good people who were with us, yesterday?"

"Yes?"

"If you could arrange for some of them to come here, you need not be detained. We, then, could do
the ritual you suggested."

"Splendid! I shall contact them at once. I told them, this morning, to be prepared as we might need
them at short notice."

"You spoke to them all this morning?" Togbare was amazed.

"Well, when I returned here, I could not sleep. I thought I would do something useful. They all felt
the ritual they undertook went well."

"It has bought us some time, I think. Some little time. This Mr Robury - I have realized that his
apparent Occult ability depends on a certain young lady. She was with him, this morning. It is the
same woman, I am sure, who was with him at the ritual at Mr Fitten's house when that unfortunate
lady, his wife, passed over to the other side. So, alone and with us, he should have no power. Yes," he
mused, "the more I think on this - on this plan of yours - the more I am inclined to believe it will
succeed."

"Then," said Baynes, "I shall go and make the necessary arrangements."

^^^^^^^

Baynes stood staring out of his office window watching the traffic in the city street below. He liked
his spartan office on the top floor of one of the tallest buildings in the city centre as much for the
splendid view as for its relative quiet amid his busy business empire which he controlled from this,
his, building.

His desk intercom buzzed. "Yes?" he asked.

"A Mr Sanders to see you, sir."

"Excellent! Send him in!" He seated himself in his leather chair behind his uncluttered desk.

"Mr Sanders," his Secretary announced.

"Please," he said, indicating a chair, "be seated."

"I'd rather stand," Sanders said. He was dressed in black as was his habit. "You wanted to see me?"
he asked, warily.

"I have a proposition for you - a business proposition."

"So your flunky said on the 'phone."

"You operate what some might describe as a 'Black Magick' temple, do you not?"

Sanders sat in the chair. "Let's cut the crap! I know you, Baynes, and you know me."

"I would like you to do me a favour - for a substantial sum of money."

Suspicious, Sanders looked around the room. "Are you taping this?"

"Of course not!"

"So what's your offer - and how much?"

"Fifty thousand pounds."

Sanders hid his surprise. "To do what?"

"Not long ago, a certain young gentleman - a student - came to visit you. You introduced him, I
believe, to a certain group. Well, I would like this gentleman brought from where he is to my house.
With the minimal use of force, of course."

Sanders stood up. "I can't say it was a pleasure meeting you. Goodbye."

"You have a very lucrative side-line, I believe."

Sander was nearly at the door when Baynes added, "I'm sure the Police would be very interested in
your - what shall I call it? - your import business. A Mr Osterman is your contact in Hamburg, I
understand."

Sanders stopped. "You're bluffing."

"I assure you I'm not. You last assignment arrived last Tuesday. Estimated value - I believe the term
used is 'on the street' - two million pounds, at least. Of course, if my figures are correct, your profit is
somewhat smaller. Much smaller in fact. So many overheads."
Sanders walked back to the desk. He sat down again, and smiled. "You're very well informed."

"Of course," Baynes said, "we both know who takes most of the profit. You are familiar, I
understand, with the house where this Mr Robury is currently residing."

Sanders shrugged. "Possibly."

"Toward dusk, he will be walking in the garden. You are to bring him to me. At this address." He
gave Sanders a printed card.

"And the money?"

Baynes opened a draw in his desk. He laid out several piles of ten-pound notes. "A small advance.
The rest will await your arrival at the house."

"And if he is not where you said?"

"He will be. But should some unforeseen circumstance arise and he is not there, telephone me and I
shall arrange another time."

Sanders scooped up the money and stuffed it into his pockets.

"And," Baynes added as Sanders stood up to leave, "if you are worried about your 'Master' finding
out about our little arrangement, I'm sure you have experience enough to work some plan out so as
not to implicate yourself."

Sanders was already thinking along similar lines. "You've missed your calling!" he smiled before
walking to the door.

Baynes waited until Sanders had left before he used the telephone.

"Hello?" he asked as his caller answered. "Frater Togbare?"

"Yes?" came the quiet and somewhat nervous reply.

"Baynes here!" he said cheerfully, pleased with his success with Sanders. "It went well. All is
arranged as planned."

When Togbare did not speak, Baynes said, "Did everything go alright with you?"

"Er, no, not really. You'd better come here - I'll explain."

"I'll be there as quick as I can!"

 XIV

It had not taken Togbare long to fall asleep. He was sitting by the fire, as Baynes left for his office,
wondering about the events of the past few days and the events to come. He too was tired, and slept
soundly by the warmth of the fire.

The doorbell awoke him, and he walked slowly to answer its call, leaning on his stick, and expecting
some of the guests of the night before. The cabinet clock in the hallway of Baynes' house showed him
he had been asleep for nearly an hour. He did not recognize the woman who waited outside, but her
expensive car, waiting with its chauffeur, did not surprise him, for he knew of Baynes' own wealth.

"Is Oswald in?" a smiling and alluringly dressed Tanith asked.

"Oswald?" repeated Togbare, averting his eyes from her breasts, amply exposed by her dress.

"Mr. Baynes. Is he at home?"

"Er, no. Not at the moment. Can I help?"

"I've come for your little ritual - or whatever it is you've planned."

"I'm sorry?" For some reason Togbare felt confused, a fact which he attributed to having just woken
from a deep and needful sleep.

"May I come in?" Tanith asked and proceeded to walk past him, making sure their bodies touched.
She walked into the study, and stood by the fire. "Dear Oswald," she said, "such a charming
gentleman, but so frightfully forgetful sometimes. He forget to tell you I would be coming, didn't
he?"

"Well - "

"Do be seated," she said affably.

Togbare obeyed.

"Any idea what this ritual thing is about?" she asked standing near him. "If it is anything like the
one's he's invited me to before, we are in for some jolly good fun!" She laughed.

"Fun?" said Togbare, perturbed.

"Why yes! Don't say he hasn't told you? My word! Would you like a drink - to get into the mood?"

"A drink?" Togbare felt distinctly uncomfortable.

She went straight to a bookcase, pushed a hidden button, and waited until a shelf revolved to reveal
decanters and glasses. "Whisky?" she said. "You look like a Whisky man to me. He has some very
fines malts."

“I myself," Togbare said, rather stuffily, "do not imbibe."

"Shame. I'm partial to Gin, myself." She poured herself a full glassful and drank it immediately.
"Splendid! Best on an empty stomach. Straight into the blood!" She poured herself another glass
before saying, "Shall I draw the blinds so we are prepared?"

"Pardon?"

She pressed another button and the window-blinds descended to silently close.

Togbare stood up. "You seem to know this house rather well."

"I should say so! All the hours of fun I've had here! Oswald has the most marvellous parties!" She
came toward Togbare who was standing by the light of the fire. "Hot in her, isn't it?" she said,
beginning to remove her dress.

As she reached Togbare it fell around her ankles. She was naked and an unbelieving Togbare stared
at her.

"Your spirit," she said, "is younger than your body."

She took his hand and placed it on her breast.

Togbare snatched it away and almost ran to the door. It was locked, but there was no key.

Tanith stepped out of her dress and moved toward him, laughing. "You will enjoy the pleasure I
offer," she said.

Suddenly, Togbare understood. "Harlot!" he shouted. "The Master sent you!"

"Yes!"

She was closing upon him, and to Togbare she became a Satanic curse. He held up his stick, but she
laughed at him.

"You are weak!" she sneered. "Look at me! Look at my body!"

Togbare turned away, mumbling words as he did so.

"Your god cannot help you now!" she mocked.

He turned to face her and as he did so she began to change form before his very eyes.

"My God!" he cried with genuine surprise, "you are his wife!"

It was a pitying laugh she gave him before gesturing behind her with her hand. Her dress disappeared,
briefly, before re-appearing on her body. She gestured again, and the blinds rose to flood the room
with daylight.

"You cannot harm me," Togbare said, holding his stick in front of him for protection.

"I have achieved what I came for!"

He stood aside to let her leave. The doors opened for her and she walked out into the sunlight.
Through the window, she saw the Magus kneeling on the floor and saying his prayers.

"Home, Gedor!" she commanded as she got into her car.

Togbare prayed for almost an hour. He was calm then, but dismayed, and stoked and re-built the fire
in his study. He sat by it, sighing and shaking his head in consternation, for a long time, rising only to
answer the doorbell twice. Each time he half-expected the satanic mistress to return but each time it
was only a group of Baynes's guests from the night before, summoned for a new ritual. Each time he
apologized and told them to await another call. He did not explain why and they did not ask, but it
took him a long time to remove the traces of the woman's presence from the house and the room.

Her mocking, lustful satanic presence seemed to have invaded every corner, and he cast pentagram
after pentagram after hexagram to remove it. He only just completed his task when the telephone
rang.

'I'll be there as quick as I can!' Baynes had said, and Togbare sat by the fire to wait.

He was almost asleep again when Baynes returned.

"Well," Baynes said after Togbare had explained about Tanith's visit, "it matters little. We can do the
ritual ourselves, as I originally thought. That is," he paused, "if you yourself feel able to continue as
planned."

"I fear we have no choice," he said sadly. "It will tire us, even more. I just hope we can recover
sufficiently."
"In time for when the Satanists attempt to Open the Gates you mean?"

"Yes. Shall we begin?"

Together, they sat by the fire in the last hours of daylight, trying through their powers of visualization
and will to entice Conrad away from the safety of the Master's house and into the open where Sanders
would, hopefully, be waiting. After several minutes effort, Togbare withdrew from one of his pockets
one of the small squares of parchment he always carried. Taking his pen, he began to write, first
Conrad's name, and then several sigils, upon it. For several minutes he stared at the completed charm
before casting it into the flames of the fire to be consumed.

"So mote it be!" he said as the parchment burned.

Near the window, a raven cried, loudly in the snowful silence that surrounded the house.

XV

Conrad, as Aris had instructed, was reading in the library as the twilight came. The manuscript Aris
had left out for him was interesting, telling as it did of the Dark Gods. But the more he read, the more
dissatisfied he became.

The work was full of signs, symbols and words - and yet he felt it was insubstantial, as if the author
or authors had glimpsed at best only part of the reality. His memory of the recent ritual was vivid, and
as he stared at the manuscript he realized what was lacking. The work lacked the stars - the haunting
beauty he himself had experienced; the numinous beauty which he felt was waiting for him. He
wanted to reach out again and again and capture that beauty, that eerie essence, that nebulosity. He
had felt free, drifting through space and other dimensions; free and powerful like a god - free of his
own dense body which bound him to Earth.

"Having fun?" a voice unexpectedly asked.

It was Susan, and she walked toward him.

"Not really."

She wore Tanith's exotic perfume and her clothes were thin, moulded to the contours of her body. In
that instant of his watching - full as it was of sensual memories and sensual anticipation - he
remembered the bliss that a body could bring.

She stood by the French windows looking up at the darkening sky. "Shall we go outside," she
suggested, "and watch the stars?"

"You been reading my thoughts again?" he asked, half seriously, and half in jest.
He rose from the desk to stand beside her and was pleased when she placed her hand around his waist
before opening the windows.

"I'll just get a coat," she said and kissed him. "I'll join you outside."

The air was cold, but Conrad did not care as he walked out into the snow. The stars were becoming
clearer, and he wandered away from the lights of the house to watch them as they shone,
unshimmering in the cold air of Winter.

They came upon him swiftly, the three men waiting in the shadows. One carried a gun and pointed it
at Conrad while the others grabbed his arms.

"Quiet!" the man with the gun said, "or you're dead."

Conrad struggled, and succeeded in knocking one of the men over. He tried to punch the other man in
the face, but a blow to the neck felled him, and he was unconscious as he hit the snow.

"Bring him!" the man with the gun said.

Conrad awoke as he was being bundled into a car, but his hands were bound and he was roughly
thrown onto the back seat.

"Bastards!" he screamed, and kicked at the door.

A knife was held to his throat. "Calm down, stupid," its holder said, and smiled. "Or I'll make a mess
of your face!"

Yards away, Sanders sat waiting in his own car. No one had followed the men as they had dragged
the unconscious Conrad toward the gate and the waiting cars, and he sighed with relief. He followed
the car containing Conrad and they were soon far away from the house.

As he had instructed, Conrad was blindfolded, and he stood behind two men as they stood outside
Baynes' house holding Conrad between them. Baynes had been watching from his window, and
strode out to meet them.

"As promised," Sanders said.

"Excellent!" replied Baynes. He gave Sanders a briefcase. Sanders opened it and then pushed Conrad
toward Baynes.

"He's all yours."

Baynes led Conrad into the house. Once in the study, he locked the door before removing Conrad's
blindfold and bonds. It took Conrad only a few moments to adjust to his new surroundings.

"Please," Togbare said, indicating a chair by the fire, "sit down."

Conrad ignored him. Instead, he turned to Baynes who stood by the door.

"Resorting to armed violence now, I see," Conrad quipped.

"An unfortunate necessity."

"How very Satanic of you," Conrad smiled. "Well, great Mage," he said mockingly to Togbare, "what
is your plan?"

"You will remain here - for a short while."

"I suppose you in your stupidity think they will exchange Neil for me."

Togbare looked at Baynes. Conrad sneered at both of them. "You won't be able," he said, "to hold
me. Not once they find out where I am. They will come - are you ready for the violence they will
use?"

"What makes you think," said Baynes, "that you are that important to them? You are just another
Initiate. They have plenty more. You'll be easy to replace."

"Is that so?" Conrad laughed, but Baynes' words made him feel uneasy.

"We have taken certain precautions," Togbare said.

"Oh, yes?" Conrad sneered. "You have drawn a magick circle thrice around the house - and I stand
trembling and abashed at its centre! Sint mihi dei Acherontis propitii!"

"Well, well!" said Baynes, "a scholar as well as a comedian."

Suddenly, Conrad rushed at Baynes, intending to punch at his face, but Baynes was too quick and
easily avoided the intended blow. His own counter was quick, as he caught Conrad off balance,
tripping him to the floor.

Baynes bowed slightly as Conrad slowly got to his feet.

"He studied in Taiwan," Togbare said by way of explanation.

"Oh well," Conrad said, shrugging his shoulders, "so much for that idea then." He looked around the
room. "I suppose I'd better make myself comfortable."
"A wise decision," Togbare said.

"Do you not wish," Baynes said to Conrad, "to complete your studies at University?"

"What's it to you?" Conrad looked at him briefly, then at the window. He sat in an upright chair as
near to it as possible.

"I believe you have an interest in Spaceflight?"

"No need to guess who told you that."

"Mr Stanford, of course. I have some contacts in the aerospace industry in the States."

"Bully for you."

"I could arrange for you to continue your studies at an American university at the end of which you
would be guaranteed work with one of the leading companies in the aerospace industry. You would,
of course, be provided with a large capital sum - say fifty thousand pounds - for incidental expenses
over the years."

"Are you trying to bribe me?" Conrad asked, amazed - and interested - by the offer.

"Yes." said Baynes without hesitation.

"What would you want in exchange?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" asked Conrad incredulously.

"Except your immediate departure for America. I would, of course, make the necessary
arrangements."

"I don't believe it," Conrad said, amazed.

"Money has no interest for me - beyond what good I can do with it."

"And the Master?" Conrad asked. "What of him if I betrayed him by leaving?"

"As I said before, you are a mere Initiate to him. He can easily find someone to take your place. But
if you wish, I could provide you with a new identity. I have certain contacts who could arrange
matters. You would soon be forgotten."

"It's very tempting. But the Master - "

"All you have to do," said Baynes, "is stay here with us for a few days. You will see when nobody is
sent to fetch you, when they show no interest in you whatsoever, that what I say is true."

"How do I know this isn't just some ploy to get me to stay here?"

"You have my word. Should you wish, you can be with me when I make the necessary arrangements.
I can have the money here within a few hours, the airline ticket likewise. Your passport and new
identity will take a little longer - a day, perhaps. You yourself can speak to the American university I
have in mind."

"When do I have to decide?"

"The sooner you decide, the sooner I can make the arrangements."

For several minutes Conrad stared at the fire. Then he rose slowly from his chair to yawn and stretch
his limbs. "Any chance of some tea?" he asked casually.

"Have you reached a decision?" Baynes asked.

"Yes." Taking several deep breaths, Conrad grasped the back of the chair, swiftly lifting it and
smashing it into the window. The glass shattered, and he threw the chair at Baynes before diving
through the broken glass. He landed awkwardly in the snow, his hands cut and bloodied by the glass.
Something warm was running down his neck, and he extracted a splinter of glass that had embedded
itself in his arm before leaping up to run down the driveway and away from the house. He could hear
Baynes shouting behind him, but did not look back, concentrating on running as fast as he could
down the street. He ran and ran, past houses, over roads, on pavements, verges and roads, stopping
for breath once by a busy main road. Then he was away, out into the dark lanes beyond the lights of
the city.

He stopped to hide behind a tree, nauseous and shaking, and it was some time before his breathing
returned to normal. His hands, neck and face were covered in blood, but it was dried or drying, and
he took off his jacket to tear part of his shirt for a bandage for his arm. Soon, the cloth was soaked,
and he lay still, pressing his hand over his bandaged wound to try and stop the bleeding. As he did so,
he began to feel pain in his hands and face. He felt very tired.

No one had followed him down the dark narrow lane. He dreamed he was in the Satanic Temple. Neil
was on the altar, tied down by thongs, and Tanith bent over him, a knife in her hand.

'It is your deed,' Tanith said to Conrad.

'Your deed,' Aris and Susan repeated as they stood beside him.

'We require his blood,' all three of them said.

Tanith gave him the knife and he walked toward Neil.

'Please,' his former friend pleaded, 'spare me! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!'

'We require his blood,' Conrad heard as a chant behind him. 'His blood to complete your Initiation.
We must have his blood!'

Conrad hesitated.

'Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!' the insistent voices said.

He raised the knife to strike, but could not find the strength, and as he lowered it in failure the bound
figure on the altar was no longer Neil, but himself. Then Aris, Tanith, Susan and his double on the
altar were laughing.

'See how close to failure you came!' Aris said and kissed him on the lips. He made to move away, but
it was Susan kissing him until she, too, changed - into Tanith.

Suddenly he was awake again, lying on the cold snow stained by his own blood. Such a waste, he
thought, to die here, cold and alone. He tried to sit, up against the tree, but lacked the strength. Then
he smiled. 'I would do it all again,' he muttered to the tree, the snow, the stars. 'Susan', he said to
himself as his eyes closed of their own accord, 'I love you.'

The last thing he heard was the cry of a hungry owl.

XVI

Denise sat on and surrounded by cushions as brightly coloured as her clothes, two green candles in
tall ornate holders alight beside her. He house was otherwise unlit, and quiet except for the nearby
rumble of traffic which passed along the main road less than fifty yards away. She was looking with
half-closed eyes into her large crystal scrying sphere and her friend Miranda - High Priestess of the
Circle of Arcadia - sat beside her, awaiting her description of her visions.

"I have found him," Denise said as if in trance. "He suffers, and will die."

Slowly, she placed a black cloth over her crystal. "Come," she said to her friend, "I shall need your
help."

Her zest was evident in her driving, and it did not take them long to drive away from the city to the
dark, narrow, lane she had seen in her vision.
"There, by the tree," she said.

Conrad was unconscious. "We must hurry," Denise said as she bent over him. "Others - the evil ones
- will soon be here. I feel they are near."

Together they lifted and carried Conrad into the car.

"You drive," Denise almost commanded her friend. "I must begin, now."

Her hands were warm and she gently placed them on Conrad's cold and almost lifeless face before
raising them a few inches to make passes with them over his arms, hands and body. She imagined
energy flowing to her from the Earth through her fingers and down through his aura into the vital
meridians of his wounded body, stopping only when they reached their destination.

Her house was warm, and they laid Conrad on the cushions between the candles.

"Will he be alright?" an anxious Miranda asked.

"I don't know - yet."

"Shall I let Mr. Baynes know?"

Denise turned toward her, her eyes intense. "No!"

"But I thought - "

"Nobody must know!" And she added, in a softer voice: "Not yet, anyway." She kissed Miranda,
saying "Trust me, my love."

Then she knelt over Conrad to renew her healing with her hands.

"Can I do anything?" Miranda asked.

"Be a darling and make some tea." Denise did not turn around or look up.

The pot of tea was cold by the time Denise stood up, tired from her efforts, and she went to her
kitchen to hold her hands against the cold tap, earthing the energies, before drinking several cups of
the cold brew.

"Do you want me to stay?" Miranda asked hopefully.

"No - I'll be alright. I'll call you if there is any change,"

"Well, if you're sure."

"Yes. And," Denise said, embracing her, "please not a word - to anyone."

They kissed, briefly, and then Miranda left the room and the house. Denise sat beside Conrad, and
gently stroked his face. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

"Back with us, then?" she said and smiled.

"What?" Conrad said, confused.

"You had a bit of an accident. And before you say anything, you're in my house."

Conrad sat up. "And you are?"

"Let's just say someone who likes helping waifs and strays!"

Conrad looked around the room. He saw the crystal with its black cover for 'closing down', the
incense burner upon the fireplace. There were no furnishings other than the many cushions of varying
size strewn over the carpet and the long, heavy drapes covering the window; no light other than that
from the candles.

"Whose side are you on?" he asked cautiously.

"Does one have to be 'on a side'?" she countered with a smile.

"You know who I am?"

"Yes. How are you feeling?"

"Alright. I must have passed out." He found the woman strangely attractive. although her features
were not beautiful in the conventional sense. But he suppressed his feelings, remembering Susan. "I
really ought to go," he said and tried to stand up.

He failed, and slumped back into the cushions.

"Rest, now," Denise said,

"I must telephone someone," he said as he lay down to close his eyes to try and stop the dizziness he
felt.

"In a while. But first you must rest."

She left him for a short time, returning with a silver bowl, cloths, phials of lotions and a mug
containing a hot infusion of herbs, all carried on a silver tray.

"Here," she said, "drink this."

He sat up and smelt the contents of the mug. It smelt horrible. "What is it?"

"Just an infusion - of herbs and things. My mother showed me how to make it. It will bring back
some of your strength."

Cautiously, Conrad sipped the drink. She removed the bandage he had made to cover the wound on
his arm and began to clean the area using the liquid in the bowl. When she has finished, she made a
clean covering using a cloth richly suffused with lotion. Soon, she had washed, cleaned and covered
all his injuries with her lotions.

"It tasted better," Conrad said after finishing her potion, "than it smelt."

Her nearness, her gentle touch and her bodily fragrance all combined to sexually arouse him, and he
held her hand before leaning to kiss her.

She moved away, saying, "I'm sorry to disappoint you - but I'm not that way inclined."

"I hope I didn't offend you," he said sincerely.

She laughed as she collected her lotions. "For an alleged Satanist you are rather innocent. Your aura
marks you as different from them."

"Oh, yes?" Conrad was intrigued.

"What is your aim in all this?" she asked. "What do you hope to find?"

He felt his strength returning with every breath he took. Even the throbbing in his arm had begun
subside. "Knowledge," he said.

Denise sat down beside him as she did so he felt there was a calmness within her. He felt good, just
being near her, as if in some way she was giving him energy. At first, he had felt this as her sexual
interest in him, but the more he looked at her and the more he thought about it, the more he realized it
was nothing of the sort. It was just beneficent energy flowing from her. He did not know, nor
particularly care, why - he just felt relaxed and comfortable in her nearness.

"What is it?" she asked again, smiling, her eyes radiant, "that you hope to find. Why did you join
them?"

"I wanted knowledge." It was only partly true, he remembered. Most of all he had wanted to
experience sexual passion.
"Is that all?"

He sensed she knew the answer already. "Well, sex as well."

"And then what?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, perplexed.

"Think of it - in a few years time, if you continue along your present path, you will have had many
women, learnt many Occult truths. Perhaps you will have acquired some skill in magick. But life is -
for most people - quite long: many decades, in fact. What do you do with all this time? The same
pleasures and delights over and over again? Someone of your intelligence would surely find that
boring?"

"There will be other goals, I'm sure. Other things to achieve."

"Perhaps. Your youth will go, and with its going will come tiredness of both body and spirit."

"So what? It is the present that's important. Why worry about what might never be?"

"And if I said you were giving up your chance of immortality what would you say?"

"I don't believe there is a chance. It's superstition. When we die, that's it."

"Is that what you believe Satanism as all about - the pleasure of the moment?"

"Yes." Then, with less certainty, he added, "Well, at least, I think so."

"There is no belief in something beyond?"

"Not as far as I know." He smiled. "But as you must know, I'm only a new Initiate."

"Would you kill your friend Neil?" she suddenly asked.

"Say again?"

"Neil Stanford. Would you kill him if your Master demanded it?"

"What do you know about Neil?"

"He came to see me once. For a reading. But you haven't answered my question. Would you - could
you - kill him, or anyone?"
Conrad remembered his dream. But there was within him a desire to deny that part of himself which
would not kill. For a few moments he felt compelled to boast, to answer her question in the
affirmative - depicting himself to her as someone ruthless and unafraid. But she was sitting near him,
calm and smiling, and it seemed to him that her eyes saw into his thoughts. She would know it was
just a boast, the nervous arrogance of naivety.

"I don't know," he said honestly.

"See," she said with a slight tone of censure, "to you all this Satanism is at present a game. An
enjoyable one, to be sure, but still a game. Your aura tells a different story. They are serious - they
kill, without mercy. They corrupt. Are you ready for all that?"

"You make them sound vile," he said, thinking of Susan, and the bliss he had shared with Tanith.
"They are not like that."

"Don't you understand what is happening to you? Of course, now all is pleasure - all is passion and
enjoyment. You are being courted, drawn into their web. But soon the perversity will begin. It will
start in a small way - something perhaps only a little morally degrading. But soon you will be so
involved there will be no escape."

"No, I don't believe it. You're just trying to turn me against them, aren't you?"

"Am I?" she smiled. "I have something to show you."

She fetched her crystal sphere and set it down between them. Carefully she removed the black cloth
before making passes over the sphere with her hands.

"Look," she said to him, "and see!"

Conrad peered into the sphere. At first he saw nothing except the reflection of the lights from the
candles, but then a blackness appeared within which cleared. He saw the Temple in Aris' house.
Susan was there, naked upon the altar, and around her the congregation danced. Then a man went to
her, fondling her body before he removed his robe to lay and move upon her. Then the scene
changed. Aris was with several other people whose faces Conrad could not see. They were on what
looked like a moor, and on the ground a young woman lay, naked and bound. She was struggling, but
Aris laughed - Conrad could not hear the laughter, only see the Master as his mouth opened and he
rocked from side to side. Then there was a knife in his hand and he bent down to calmly and
efficiently slit the woman's throat. Conrad turned away.

"There is more," Denise said,

"So what?" Conrad said, affecting unconcern. "Every war has its casualties. Anyway, what I saw was
not real."

"It was. The woman whom you saw murdered was called Maria Torrens. I can show you the
newspaper reports of her death if you wish."

"In every period there are victims and masters. The weak perish and the strong survive."

"Do you really believe that?" she asked.

"What if I do?" Conrad said defensively. "Will you try and convert me?"

"You must make your own decisions - and take the consequences that result from your actions, both
in this life and the next."

"Belief in an afterlife," Conrad said scornfully, "is merely blackmail to prevent us from fulfilling
ourselves - from achieving god-head - in this life."

"You seem set to continue along the dark path you have chosen - despite what I sense about your
inner feelings."

"I've made my choice."

"I know," she said softly.

"Tell me, then, why you have helped me?"

Denise smiled, and her smile disconcerted Conrad. "I have no right to judge. I simply help those in
need."

"But even so -"

"You should rest now." She covered the crystal with the black cloth.

Suddenly, Conrad felt tired. He lay down among the softness of the cushions and, in the warm room
with its gentle candlelight, he was soon asleep. His sleep was dreamless, and when he awoke he was
astonished to find Susan sitting beside him.

XVII

The repair of the window Conrad had shattered was almost complete, and Baynes watched the
workmen while Togbare sat, wrapped in a cloak, by the bright fire. Slowly as first, and then heavily,
it began to snow again.

When the work was over, Baynes thanked the men, gave them a large gratuity in cash, and stood
outside to watch them leave. He was about to return to the warmth of his house when a motor-cycle
entered his driveway. It was a powerful machine, ridden by someone clad in red leathers, and he
stood in the bright security lights which adorned his dwelling while the rider dismounted and began
to remove the tinted visored helmet.

Miranda shook her long hair free. "I have some news for you," she said.

"Shall we go in?" Baynes asked. He gestured gallantly toward the door, and held it open for her.

"You have not met Frater Togbare, have you?" he asked her as he showed her into the study.

Togbare stood to offer Miranda his hand. "Hi!" she said, smiling, but not shaking his hand.

"Please, do sit," Baynes said.

"Denise found him," Miranda said, "and I think she'll need your help!" She looked anxiously at
Baynes.

"Found who?" he asked.

"Robury! He's at her house. She didn't want me to tell you - but I had to." Miranda sighed. For over
an hour she had sat at her house, wondering what to do. At first, she had thought of going back to
Denise. But her memory of Denise's firm insistence persuaded her otherwise. She had tried to forget
her own worries about Denise's safety, and had almost succeeded - for an hour, trusting as she had in
Denise's psychic ability.

"They are sure to find him," she continued. "She'll be in danger! We must do something!"

"You mean," Baynes said calmly, "Mr. Robury is at present in her house?"

"Yes!" It was an affirmation of her impatience.

"Did he go there himself?" Baynes raised his eyebrows as he glanced at Togbare.

"No - she found him. And we brought him back. He was injured - quite badly, it seemed."

I see." Baynes stroked his beard with his hand. "You took him to her house? Why?"

"She wanted to help him." Then, realizing what she had said, and seeing the exchange of looks
between Togbare and Baynes, she added, "It's not like that!"

"You said," Togbare asked her, "she found him. Was she therefore looking for him?"

"Well - in a manner of speaking, yes." The room was hot, and she unzipped the front of her leather
suit.
Baynes looked at her as she did so, as if suddenly realizing she was a woman. She noticed his
attention and smiled at him, shaking her head so that her long hair framed her face. Suddenly, she
saw him as a challenge, for she knew of his avoidance of women. Her own liaison with Denise was
only for her a brief interlude in her bisexual life, and she smiled enchantingly at Baynes.

Hastily, Baynes turned away.

"Did she say," Togbare asked her, "why she was looking for him?"

"No. And I didn't ask. You know about her, don't you Oswald?" she said to Baynes, smiling at him
again and deliberately using his first name. "About her abilities."

"She is rather gifted in certain psychic matters, yes." He looked briefly at her, then turned away.

"Do you know of recent events," Togbare asked Miranda, "involving Mr Robury and the Satanist
group?"

"Only that there was to be some sort of ritual. Denise said something about Robury being important."

"You know of the death of Mr. Fitten and his wife?"

"Yes. She mentioned them."

"You were among the first to know of this Conrad Robury, were you not?"

"Actually, yes. He came to attend one of our meetings."

"Introduced by a certain Neil Stanford?"

"Yes." She turned to look at Baynes, but he staring into the flames of the fire.

"I think it is right and fitting," Togbare pompously said to her, "that we take you into our confidence.
Mr Stanford, I am grieved to say, has fallen into the hands of the Satanists - he had, on our
instructions, infiltrated the group. However, he was betrayed. We do not know by whom. As you
probably are aware, such groups do not take kindly to anyone who betrays them, and therefore ever
since Mr Stanford was kidnapped by Mr Robury and taken to the house of the so-called 'Master', we
have been concerned for his safety.

"Yet for some time I myself, and the Council, have suspected that we ourselves have been infiltrated
by the Satanists."

Miranda looked first at Baynes and then at Togbare. "And you now suspect Denise?" she asked with
astonishment.
It was Baynes who answered. "It is logical - considering what you have just told us."

"I don't believe it! Not Denise!"

"Of course," Togbare said, "we cannot be sure. But Mr Baynes is right - it is logical to presume she
may be implicated."

"So you see, Miranda," Baynes said, and smiled at her, "if it is true then she is unlikely to be in
danger from them, as you believed."

Miranda sat in a chair, confused by the accusation against her lover yet pleased that Baynes had
apparently shown an interest in her. He had used her first name - something he had never done before
- and his smile seemed to convey a warmth toward her. Suddenly, it occurred to her that if the
accusation was true, Denise had been cruelly using her. The thought saddened her.

"But if you're wrong about her," she said, still unconvinced, "then she will be in danger?"

"For helping Robury?" Baynes said. "I doubt it. You did say she intended to help him?"

"Yes. She was going to use her healing powers."

"Which, to my knowledge, are quite remarkable. Quite remarkable."

"But surely - " Miranda began to say.

"Why did she wish to find him in the first place? And, more importantly, why did she then wish to
heal him? For she knew, being with me a member of the Council itself, that he was important to them
- to their ritual."

"She was on the Council?" Miranda asked with surprise.

"Why, yes. Did she never tell you? I knew you two were very close friends." Baynes smiled at her.

Miranda blushed, and shuffled in her chair. "No," she said softly, "she never told me." She sighed in
sadness, for she remembered what Denise had once said: 'There shall be no secrets between us...'

"He was badly injured, you said?" Togbare asked her.

"Covered in blood."

"Well," Baynes said, "he did jump through that window."

"He was here?" Miranda asked with surprise.

"We had hoped to - how shall I say? - exchange him for Stanford. Now we are back to where we
were before."

"But surely the Police - they can help. If Neil has been abducted - "

Baynes shrugged his shoulders and made a gesture of obeisance with has hands. "What evidence have
we? What could we say about this conflict which such people would understand?"

"But surely they would listen to someone as well respected as you?"

"Possibly. Even if I sent them to the house of the Master, would they find Stanford there? Of course
not. How would I explain why he should have been abducted? What reason - what motive - could I
give without appearing as some sort of crank? They would listen, make some routine enquiries, find
nothing and decide I was rather strange. No, it is not as easy as that."

"I fear, my child," Togbare said to Miranda, who cringed at his endearment, "that Mr Baynes is right.
There have been two deaths, two unfortunate deaths, already. It is due to Mr Baynes' resourcefulness
and indeed influence that those deaths have been registered by the authorities as natural ones,
unconnected with any suspicious circumstances. And this I myself accepted - for how does one
explain to an unbelieving world the true cause of such deaths? If we had tried, then we would now, I
am sure, have all manner of journalists intruding upon our affairs, impeding our investigations and
preventing us from achieving our goal - that of ending for once and for all this Satanist threat to our
world."

Togbare seemed pleased with his speech, and rubbed his hands together.

Miranda turned to Baynes. "I would like to help," she said.

"Then I suggest we go and see Denise. I shall ask her, directly, where she stands on the matter."

"And if Mr Robury is with her?" Togbare asked.

"I shall persuade him to return with us." He walked to the desk and from a drawer took a revolver
which he placed in his jacket pocket.

"Please," Togbare said, "surely we can avoid such complications?"

"There is no choice now," Baynes replied. "Do you wish," he asked Miranda, "to travel with me or
use your own transport?"

"With you," she smiled and began to remove her leather suit.

Even Togbare glanced at her fulsome figure. "If," Togbare said, clearing his throat, "Mr Robury is
not there - what then, my friend?"
"Sanders - he will know how to enter their Temple. He can be persuaded to tell us. We shall then go
to them. You ready?" he asked Miranda.

"Yes."

"Excellent!" He turned toward Togbare. "If we're not back within the hour inform the Police."

"But - " mumbled Togbare. "what shall I say?"

"I'm sure you can think of something!"

"But - "

Baynes did not wait to hear the Mage's words.

XVIII

"She has done well!" Susan said as Conrad sat up. "You are better than we thought."

"How did you get here?" Conrad asked her. He looked around the room, but they were alone. "The
woman - "

"Denise?" Susan said. "You will see her in a while. The Master is pleased to see you."

She helped him to stand.

"Ah! Conrad!" Aris said as he entered the room. "Such determination! You rejected a most tempting
offer, I hear."

"Sorry?" Conrad looked at Susan, and then at the Master whose black cloak and clothes seemed to
Conrad appropriately suited the Master's gleeful yet sinister countenance.

"An offer - from Baynes," Aris the Master said.

"You talked in your sleep," Susan said before Conrad could ask the obvious question.

"Come," Aris said, gesturing toward the door.

Conrad followed him up the stairs of the house and into a bedroom where Denise lay on a bed,
apparently asleep.

"She is yours," Aris whispered to him.

"I'm sorry?"

"It is for you to decide her fate. Take her - possess her if you wish. She has never been with a man.
You can be the first."

Aris walked to Denise, touched her forehead with his hand and she awoke. Then there was a knife in
his hand and he held it as if ready to strike.

"Your wish?" Aris asked him, and smiled.

Conrad went to her, took her hand in his and kissed it. "Thank you," he said to her sincerely.

The fear that had been in her eyes disappeared.

"And her fate?" Aris said, still holding the knife.

"I don't want her harmed.,"

"As you wish." Aris touched her forehead with his hand, and she closed her eyes in sleep. "You must
go now," he said to Conrad.

"Are you alright?" Susan asked him as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

The face of the Master had shown no emotion as Conrad had expressed his wish, and he was
wondering whether the Master disapproved.

"Are you alright?" Susan asked him again.

"Just a little tired," he replied.

"We must go now." She held the front door of the house open as a gesture of her intent, and, in the
snowful street outside, he saw her expensive car.

He walked with her out into the coldness to seat himself beside her, and was soon warm in the
cocoon of the car watching the snow covered streets and houses as Susan drove almost recklessly in
the dangerous conditions.

The music she chose as an accompaniment to their journey seemed to Conrad to reflect his mood and
the almost demonic aspirations which underlay it, and he listened intently to Liszt's B Minor Sonata.
As he listened, he began to realize that his decision regarding Denise was correct, and they were
approaching the Master's dwelling when he concluded it made no difference to him what Aris his
Master - or indeed what anyone - thought about it. He would do the same again.

Gedor awaited them at the steps of the house, and held Conrad's door open for him in a gesture which
pleased Conrad. The very house itself seemed to welcome him, and he was not surprised when Tanith
greeted him in the hall with a kiss.

"They will soon heal," she said as she caressed the dried cuts on his face.

Even Mador came to greet him.

"Welcome Professor!" the dwarf said. "Welcome!"

"The Master will see you soon. But first, you should bathe and change. Mador will show you your
room."

As Conrad turned to follow Mador, she added, "And Conrad, from this day forth this house is yours
as your home."

Her words pleased him, and he followed Mador, proud of himself. Susan was beautiful, wealthy and
powerful, and together they would return the Dark Gods to Earth.

The room Mador led him to was on the top floor of the house. It was large and luxurious and he was
surprised to find the cupboards full of new clothes, all in his size. He selected some, and was relaxing
in a bath of warm water when the maid entered the room, pushing a trolley replete with food.

She did not speak, but smiled at him through the open bathroom door as he lay, blushing at the
unexpected intrusion.

"Thank you!" he said unnecessarily as she left.

It was almost an hour later when he too left, cleaned and fed, to find his way to the library where he
assumed the Master would be waiting. It took him a long time, for the house was large and mostly
unknown to him.

"Do you find," the Master said to him as he entered the library, "your house pleasing?" He smiled as
he sat at the desk, indicating a chair.

Conrad sat down.

"From tonight, all this," Aris continued, "shall be yours."

Conrad could only stare in amazement. Was it a jest?

"There shall be a ritual," Aris said, "whose success will begin that New Aeon which we seek. Recall
that I said you had a Destiny. Your Destiny is to continue the work which I and others like me have
begun. Every Grand Master such as I chooses, when the time is right, someone to succeed him. And I
have chosen you. My daughter shall be your guide as your own power develops. She shall be your
Mistress, just as Tanith has been mine."

Aris smiled benignly at him. "It is right you are amazed. You have proved yourself fitting for this
honour. As to myself, I have other tasks to perform, other places to visit where you at present cannot
go. We have tested you, and you have not been found wanting. Now, I shall reveal to you a secret
regarding our beliefs. We represent balance - we restore what is lacking in any particular time or
society. We challenge the accepted. We encourage through our novices, our acts of magick and
through the spread of our ideas that desire to know which religions, sects and political dogmatists all
wish to suppress because it undermines their authority. Think on this, in relation to our history, and
remember that we are seldom what we seem to others.

"Our Way is all about, in its beginnings, and for those daring individual who join us, liberating the
dark or shadow aspect of the personality. To achieve this, we sometimes encourage individuals to
undergo formative experiences of a kind which more conventional societies and individuals frown
upon or are afraid of. Some of these experiences may well involve acts which are considered 'illegal'.
But the strong survive, the weak perish. All this - and the other directly magickal experiences like
those you yourself have experienced - develop both the character of the individual and their magickal
abilities. In short, from the Satanic novice, the Satanic Adept is produced."

He smiled again at Conrad before continuing his Satanic discourse. "We tread a narrow path, as
perhaps you yourself are becoming aware. There is danger, there is ecstasy - but above all there is an
exhilaration, a more intense and interesting way of living. We aim to change this world - yes, but we
aim to change individuals within it - to produce a new type of person, a race of beings truly
representative of our foremost symbol, Satan. Only a few can belong to this new race, this coming
race - to the Satanic elect. To this elite, I welcome you."

He passed over to Conrad a small book bound in black leather.

"All this I have said, and more, much more, is written of in here," Aris said. "Read and learn and
understand. We shall not speak together again."

He bowed his head, as if respectfully, toward Conrad before rising and taking his leave. Alone in the
silence which followed, Conrad though he could hear a woman's voice.

"I am coming for you, I am coming!' it seemed to sing and for an instant he glimpsed a ghostly face,
It was Fitten's wife.

Then Conrad was laughing, loudly, at the thought, as he basked in the glory of being chosen by the
Master.
"I am the power, I am the glory!" he shouted aloud in his demonic possession as, behind him, the
ghostly face cried,

XIX

Several times during their short journey Miranda tried to engage Baynes in conversation and each
time she failed. He did not speak even as they left the car near their destination to walk the last few
hundred yards.

Only as they approached Denise's house did he relent.

"I fear," he said, pointing to where a car had left its imprint in the snow, "we are too late."

The door was unlocked, and he entered the house cautiously. No sounds came from within the house,
and with Miranda in tow he slowly checked every room. The house was empty.

"Has she gone with them?" Miranda asked as they returned to the front door.

"Or been abducted."

"Why would they do that?"

"She would be a prize, I presume. A lady of her - how shall I say? - persuasion would be regarded in
some respects as an ideal sacrifice."

"It's my fault," Miranda said sadly.

"Not at all. We still do not know if she is involved with them." He ushered her outside.

"I feel so responsible," she said.

"There is no need," he said kindly.

She took advantage of his tone and his nearness by resting her head on his shoulder. He held her,
feebly and briefly, and then drew away.

"Here," he said, giving her the keys to his car, "can you tell Frater Togbare what had occurred?"
"Yes, I will."

"Good. I will make some necessary arrangements."

"To get into their Temple?"

"Exactly. I shall be - say - an hour at most. Tell Frater Togbare to be ready to leave at once."

"Will three of us be enough?"

He looked at her for some seconds before replying. "I cannot allow you to go," he said somewhat
pompously.

"Tough! I'm going!" she said with determination.

"No you're not."

She held her head slightly to one side, resting her hands on her hips. "Because I'm a woman?" she
demanded, a touch of anger in her voice.

"Actually, yes."

"Oh I see!" she mocked. "It's strictly a job for the boys, is it?"

"It could be dangerous."

"Oh I see! And we weak women, cannot cope with danger, is that what you mean?" By now, she was
angry.

"I didn't say that," he protested.

"But you meant it!"

"Look - there are more important things at the moment than this stupid argument!" He himself was
beginning, uncharacteristically, to become annoyed.

She smiled at him, as if satisfied to have aroused some emotion within him. "We'll be ready when
you get back," she said. She did not wait for his reply and walked back toward his car.

Baynes watched her drive away in the falling snow before he returned to the house. The telephone
was working, and he dialled Sanders' number.

"Baynes here. Can you meet me? Or should I say - meet me in fifteen minutes."
'Leave me alone!” he heard Sanders say, 'One favour is - '

"Listen! There will be more money, this time."

'I'm not interested.'

"Just meet me. It will be to your long term advantage. You know what I mean?"

Sanders sighed, and Baynes smiled. 'Where?' he asked.

Baynes gave him the address, and sat on the stairs to wait.

Sanders was late.

"That your car?" Baynes asked.

"Yeah."

"Let's go, then."

As they drove away, Sanders asked "Where to?"

"My house. Now - you've been in the Masters' Temple I imagine."

"Possibly."

"Excellent."

Baynes did not speak again until they were inside his house.

"Some friends of mine," Baynes said as he led Sanders into the study where Miranda and Togbare
were waiting.

"Hello Miranda," Sanders said.

"You know each other?" Baynes asked, surprised.

Sanders raised his eyebrows and gave a lascivious smile. "I've hear of her. It's a small world, the
Occult." He stared at her breasts.

Miranda stared back, and nervously, Sanders looked away.

"You said," Baynes asked him, "you'd been in the Satanist Temple."
"It's a free country," he shrugged.

"Can you lead us there?"

"You serious?" When Baynes did not answer, he added, "You are serious!"

"Naturally, I would make it worth your while. Financially, of course."

"How much?" he whispered to Baynes.

"Sixty thousand."

"That's a lot of money!" He thought for a minute. "And all I have to do is lead you there, right?"

"Correct."

"When?"

"Now."

"Now?" Sanders said with surprise.

"Yes. And no tricks. I know the Temple is below the house, but I also know there is a secret entrance
somewhere, nearby."

"You're well informed," Sanders said with surprise.

"I have my sources of information."

"Don't I know it!" Sanders said like an aside. "And the money?"

"Tomorrow. When the Banks open."

"Let's get this straight," Sanders said, twirling the inverted pentagram he wore around his neck. "I
lead you there, then I'm free to go right?"

"Correct. Provided, of course, you do not inform anyone of our presence."

"What do you take me for? I know you've got your pet Policemen."

"Shall we go then?"

"You car or mine?" Sanders quipped.

"Please," Togbare said quietly to Baynes, "may I talk with you? Alone?"

"As you wish," Baynes replied. "Please, excuse us for a moment," he said to Miranda.

Outside, in the hallway, he firmly shut the door to the study.

"This plan of yours," Togbare said, "are we not being too hasty?"

"I don't believe so."

"But to go to their Temple - "

"What choice do we have? They will sacrifice Stanford and for all we know Denise as well. Did
Miranda not say that Denise was 'virgo intacta'?"

"No."

"Don't you see? I am sure their ritual will be tonight."

"The blood of a virgin - yes, yes," Togbare mumbled.

"Your actual presence at the ritual will I am sure suffice to disrupt it."

"It is possible, yes. But the physical danger - "

"I shall of course leave a message with a friend of mine, a Police Officer. Should we not return, he
will investigate. Believe me, there will be no second chance for us. Can we afford to wait? What if
we do nothing and tonight they complete their sacrifices and open the gates to the Abyss? What then?
The evil they will release will spread like a poison. Large scale demonic possession will occur -
madness, crime committed by those weak of will ..."

"Yes, yes of course," Togbare said abstractly, "you are right."

"Their success," Baynes continued, "would give them magickal power - Satanic magickal power -
beyond imagining. We would be powerless. And their Dark Gods would return, to haunt the Earth."

"You have only voiced me own fears. I shall prepare myself as we journey to our destination. May
God protect us."

Baynes left Togbare mumbling prayers. In the study he found Sanders kneeling on the floor,
clutching his genitals, his face contorted with pain. "See," Miranda said to Baynes in triumph, "we
women can take care of ourselves! Shall I drive then?"
Both Baynes and Sanders watched her as she left the room.

XX

"Your marriage to our daughter," Conrad remember Tanith had said, "shall be first."

A prelude, he thought to the fugue that would be the opening of the gates to the Abyss.

He stood in the candlelit Temple, resplendent in the crimson robe Tanith had given him for the
ceremony. The congregation formed an aisle to the altar upon which the tetrahedron glowed, and he
stood in front of it, with the Master and Tanith, to await his Satanic bride.

There was a beating of drums, and Gedor, with Susan beside him, walked down the stone steps and
into the chamber of the Temple. She wore a black veil and a black flowing gown and walked alone
past the congregation as Gedor stood guard by the door which marked the hidden entrance.

Tanith's viridian robe seemed iridescent in the fluxing light, and she greeted her daughter with a kiss
before joining and binding Susan's hand with Conrad's.

"We, Master and Mistress of this Temple," Aris and Tanith said together, "greet you who have
gathered to witness this rite. Let the ceremony begin!"

There was a chant from the many voices of the congregation.

"Agios o Satanas! Agios o Satanas!"

We are gathered here, " the Master said, "to join in oath and through our dark magick this man and
this woman, so that hence forward they shall as inner sanctuaries to our gods!"

"Hail to they," Tanith chanted, "who come in the names of our gods! We speak the forbidden names!"

The Master raised his hands and began to vibrate the name Atazoth followed by Vindex while Tanith
led the congregation in chanting 'Agios o Satanas! Agios o Satanas! Agios o Baphomet! Agios o
Baphomet! while the drums beat ever louder and more insistent. Then, on Tanith's sign, they stopped.

The sudden silence startled Conrad, a little.

"Do you," the Master said to Conrad, "known in this world as Conrad Robury accept as your Satan-
Mistress this lady, Amilichus, known as Susan Aris, according to the precepts of our faith and to the
glory of our Dark Gods?"
"I do," Conrad replied.

"Then give as a sign of your oath this ring."

Conrad accepted the silver ring, and placed it on Susan's finger.

Aris turned to his daughter. "Do you Amilichus, accept as your Satan-Master this man, known in this
world as Conrad Robury and whom we now honour as Falcifer in name, according to the precepts of
our faith and to the glory of our Dark Gods?"

"I do," Susan replied.

"Then give as a sign of your oath this ring."

She took the silver ring, and placed it on Conrad's finger.

"See them!" Aris said, "Hear them! Know them! Let it be known among you and others of our kind,
that should anyone here assembled or dwelling elsewhere seek to render asunder this Master and
Mistress against the desire of this Master and Mistress, then shall that person or persons be cursed,
cast out and made by our magick to die a miserable death! Hear my words and heed them! Hear me,
all you gathered in my Temple! Hear me, all you bound by the magick of our faith! Hear me you
Dark Gods of Chaos gathering to witness this rite!"

Tanith unbound their hands to swiftly cut with a sharp knife their thumbs. She pressed Conrad's
bleeding thumb onto Susan's forehead, leaving a mark in blood, before marking Conrad in the same
manner and pressing the two thumbs together to mingle the blood. Then she pressed a few drops of
blood from each onto a triangle of parchment. There was a silver bowl on the altar containing liquid
which Aris lit before Tanith cast the parchment into the flames.

"By this burning," she said, "I declare this couple wed! Let their children be numerous and become as
eagles who swoop upon their prey!"

"But ever remember," Aris said, "you who in joining find a magick which creates, never love so
much that you cannot see your partner die when their dying-time has come."

"Let us greet," Tanith said, "the new Lord and Lady of the dark!"

Tanith's kiss was signal for the congregation to greet the spaeman and his wife.

^^^^^^^

No traffic came along the narrow lane that led past the neglected woods near the Master's house, and
Miranda parked the car partly on the snow-covered verge. The snow had stopped, and there was an
almost unearthly beauty about the scene: the snow-capped trees, the virgin white of the fields, the
cold quiet stillness of the night air.

But the horizon around the fields began to change, as if the sky itself was full of fury. Red, indigo and
thunder-purple vied for mastery. Each passing moment brought a change, a subtle shift in colour or
intensity. Yet there was no sound, as there might have been if an Earth-bred storm had existed as
cause.

Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the spectacle ceased, to leave Miranda and the others staring at
a night sky full-brimming with stars.

"This way," Sanders said as he walked in among the trees.

There was a fence yards within the wood, and he climbed it easily while Baynes gave assistance to
Togbare and Miranda. Soon, the undergrowth became thick, but Sanders followed a narrow path deep
into the stillness, stopping frequently to wait for his companions. Baynes kept close behind him, one
hand in his jacket pocket and holding the revolver.

The snow was deep in places over the path that snaked around trees, bushes, dead bracken and
entwining undergrowth, and Togbare stumbled and fell.

"Are you alright?" Miranda asked him.

"Yes, thank you." Slowly, he raised himself to his feet using his stick.

He tried to sense the power of the rituals being undertaken that night on his instructions to try and
counter the magick of the Satanists, but he could sense nothing, however hard he strained and
however he listened to the emanations from the astral aether. There was nothing, and it took him
some minutes as he walked along the path to realise why. The wood was like a vortex in the fabric of
Space-Time, absorbing all the psychic energies that radiated upon it. He sighed, then, at this
realization, for he knew it meant they would be alone in the magickal battle to come.

He could see a clearing ahead where the others had stopped to wait for him. As he reached its edge,
he was startled by the strange cry of an Eagle Owl. He had heard the cry before, in the forests of
Scandinavia, and looked up to see the large ominous predator swooping down toward Sanders face,
its hooked claws ready to strike.

Sanders shielded his face with his arm. Quickly, Togbare raised his stick and the huge owl veered
spectacularly away, up and over the trees. It was not long before they heard its harsh call break the
silence that shrouded the wood.

"Come," Togbare said, "we must hurry. They will know now that we are here."
 XXI

Denise awoke to find herself in a cell. It was small, brightly lit and warm. There was a thong around
her neck, and she was still struggling to remove it when her cell door opened.

Neil, dressed in the black robe of the Satanic order, stood outside and motioned her to come forward.

"Listen to me," he whispered, glancing behind him at the stone stairs, "I don't have much time. You
must go and warn the others. It's a trap. Here," he handed her a bunch of keys, "take one of their cars.
Come on."

When Denise made no move to leave, he said, "Please, you've got to trust me. Frater Togbare will
explain."

She looked into his eyes, then smiled. "How do I get out?" she asked, taking the keys.

"I'll show you."

He led her up the stairs and through an archway. "Through that door," he said, "are some stairs.
You'll come to another door which leads to a passage. Follow the passage and you'll be in the hall,
near the front door of the house. And don't worry, no one is around - they are all in the Temple. Good
luck!"

He watched her go before returning to the top of the stairs. He stood in the circular chamber and
waited. It was not a long wait, for soon the floor began to turn. The wall parted, revealing the
Temple, and he walked down the steps to join the worshippers.

Conrad greeted him. "The Master has just told me," he said, "that you were one of us all along! Sorry
if I used too much force."

"You weren't to know," said a relieved Neil.

Aris, Tanith and Susan were standing in front of the altar, the congregation before them, and they
waited until Neil and Conrad joined them.

A proud Conrad held up his wedding ring for Neil to see, and Conrad joined them.

"Let the rite of sacrifice begin!" The Master intoned.

Slowly, the congregation began to chant.

"Suscipe, Satanas, munus quod tibi offerimus memoriam recolentes Atazoth," they chanted.

Then they began their dance around the altar, singing a dirge as they danced counter to the direction
of the Sun.

"Dies irae, dies illa, solvet saeclum in favilla teste Satan cum sybilla. Quantos tremor est futurus,
quando Vindex est venturus, cuncta stricte discussurus. Dies irae, dies illa!"

Then the Master was vibrating the words of a chant, Agios o Baphomet, as one of the congregation
came away from the dance to kneel before Tanith who bared her breasts in greeting.

"It is the protection," the kneeling man said as he removed the hood which covered his head, "and
milk of your breasts that I seek."

Tanith bent down, and he suckled. Then she pushed him away, laughing, and saying, "I reject you!"

The man knelt before her, while around them the dancers whirled ever faster, still singing their chant.

"I pour my kisses at your feet," the kneeling man said, "and kneel before you who crushes your
enemies and who washes in a basin full of their blood. I lift up my eyes to gaze upon your beauty of
body: you who are the daughter of and a gate to our Dark Gods. I lift up my voice to you, dark
demoness Baphomet, so that my mage's seed may feed your whoring flesh!"

Tanith touched his head with her hand. "Kiss me, and I shall make you as an eagle to its prey. Touch
me and I shall make you as a strong sword that severs and stains my Earth with blood. Taste my
fragrance and I shall make you as a seed of corn which grows toward the Sun and never dies. Plough
me and plant me with your seed and I shall make you as a gate which opens to our gods!"

She clapped her hands twice, and the dancers ceased their dance to gather round as she lay down
beside the man, stripping him naked. Then she was upon him, fulfilling her lust as the congregation
clapped their hands in rhythm to her rising and falling body.

"Agios o Baphomet! Agios o Baphomet!" Aris the Master was chanting.

Tanith screamed in ecstasy, and for a moment lay still. Then she was standing, intoning the words of
her role.

"So you have sown and from your seeding gifts may come if you obedient hear these words I speak."
She looked smiling upon the congregation. "I know you, my children, you are dark yet none of you is
as dark nor as deadly as I. With a curse I can strike you dead! Hear me, then, and obey! Gather for me
the gift we shall offer in sacrifice to our gods!"

She gestured with her hand and two of the congregation ascended the stairs as drum beats began in
the Temple. It was not long before one of the men returned, aghast.

"She's gone!" he shouted.

Aris turned toward Neil, and smiled.

"You will do instead," he said.

^^^^^^^

By the far edge of the clearing lay a wooden hut, and Sanders led them toward it.

"Inside," he said to Baynes, "there's a trap-door in the floor."

He made to move away, but Baynes said, "Show me."

Reluctantly Sanders went inside and lifted the floor covering in a corner. The hut itself was bare.

"There," he said in a whisper.

"Open it then," answered Baynes.

Sanders did so and light from the stairs suffused the hut. "They're all yours!" Sanders said with relief
and walked toward the still open door where Miranda stood beside Togbare,

He was about to step outside when he saw them. Three large dogs snarling and running toward him.
Hastily he slammed the flimsy door shut. They jumped against it, fiercely barking. Only his weight
against it held it firm. They jumped again and again as if possessed and the wood began to splinter.

"Quick!" Baynes said, indicating the stairs.

He helped Miranda and Togbare down and descended the several steps himself.

"Follow me quickly!" he shouted to Sanders who stood, his eyes wide with terror, with his back and
arms against the breaking door.

Baynes had gone, and he ran across the floor of the hut, almost stumbling. The door shattered and he
was fumbling with the trap-door ring when the first dog attacked. But he succeeded just in time in
closing the door, and leant back against the steps, breathing hard as above him the dogs tried to dig
around and through the door.

"Come on," Baynes said to him as he stood, stooping, in the narrow tunnel that led away from the
stairs.

Sanders said nothing, but his eyes and face betrayed his fear.
"You don't have any choice," Baynes said unsympathetically.

Above them, the dogs could be heard howling. Miranda edged past Baynes to take Sanders hand in
her own.

The gesture worked, and he followed them as they walked along the tunnel. Soon, it began to slope
gently downward, but it seemed a long time before they could not hear the barking and the baying of
the dogs.

Gradually, the light began to change in intensity, and it was only a faint glow sufficient for them to
dimly see by when Baynes reached the door that sealed off the exit to the tunnel. “Are you ready?” he
said to Togbare.

"Yes, my friend,” he replied, and felt in his pocket for his crucifix.

Dramatically, Baynes brandished the gun before opening the door that led to the Temple. It swung
silently on its hinges, and as it did so they heard a man's voice shout: "She's gone!"

XXII

Denise was sitting in Susan's car outside the house when she experienced her vision. She saw the
wood, the country lane where Miranda had parked Baynes' car, and she drove toward it, followed her
instinct and intuition.

When she arrived, she sensed the woods were a place of danger, both physical and magickal, and she
walked cautiously in the snow-steps Baynes and his two companions had left behind, stopping every
few minutes to stand and listen. The deeper into the wood she went, the more did she become aware
of elemental forces. The wood was alive to her - and she had to shut her psychic senses against the
myriad images and sensations: a primitive fear urging her to flee back to the road and safety; leering
and laughing demonic faces and shapes peering out from behind the trees and bushes...

She knew as she walked that the Master and his followers had built with their sinister magick a
psychic barrier to shield the woods, the house and the Temple. But she was also aware that there were
other forces outside this barrier trying to break it down. She saw in her mind groups sitting in a circle
within a room within a house... They were focusing their powers upon Togbare: he was their symbol,
his stick a magical sword trying like a magnet to attract the energies of their rituals. Her awareness of
these rituals, of Togbare's foresightful planning of them, pleased her as she walked in the silence of
the wood.

The clearing she entered caused her to stop and stand still for many minutes, and she with her
heightened psychic ability sensed the owl before she saw it. And when she did see it, swooping
silently toward her, she spoke to it in words like gentle music. It seemed to hover above her head as if
listening to her voice before flying silently away.

She was approaching the hut when she heard the dogs. She did not shorten her pace but walked
toward the door to see them crouched in a corner as if ready to pounce.

"Hello, little ones!" she said gently and unafraid.

They snarled at her, but did not attack. But they would not let her near. When she moved toward
them, they would bare their teeth and growl as if ready to leap at her. But when she moved back
toward the door, they sat down on the trap-door watching her.

Several times she tried to edge near, but the response was always the same. She could not seem to
break with her gentle magick the barrier which surrounded them.

With a sigh, she settled down to wait, consciously trying to break a hole in the magickal barrier
shielding the woods and the Temple, hoping that the white magick outside might break through to aid
Togbare in his battle, and as she spun her mantric spells she experienced a vision of Baynes and his
companions entering the Satanic Temple.

^^^^^^^

Baynes was the first to step into the Temple, but Miranda and Togbare soon followed.

The Master turned toward them, as if he had expected them.

"Welcome!" he said.

Conrad saw Gedor go through the door and return carrying Sanders whom he carried toward the altar.

"You have betrayed us!" The Master said to him.

"No! No!" Sanders feebly protested.

"Prepare him!"

"Stop!" Togbare shouted, and raised his stick.

The congregation parted, making an aisle to the Master.

"We must begin," Susan whispered into Conrad's ear.

She was standing in front of him, holding his hands as she had often done before, and Conrad
understood. Then Neil was attempting to come between them but Conrad knocked him away. Dazed,
Neil retreated to stand beside Togbare.

Gedor was stripping Sanders of his clothes while Tanith stood nearby, holding two knives.

"Stop!" Togbare said again.

The Master held out his hand, his ring glowing. A bolt of energy sprang from it toward Togbare, but
it was harmlessly absorbed by the Mage's stick. The tetrahedron on the altar had begun to pulse with
varying intensities of light and the Master went to it and laid his hands upon it. As he did so he
became engulfed in golden flames. Togbare raised his magickal staff and he too became surrounded
by light.

Susan tightened her grip on Conrad's hands and he suddenly felt the primal power of the Abyss
within him. He was not Conrad, but a vortex of energy. Then he was in the darkness of Space again,
sensing other presences around him. There was an echo of the sadness he had felt before, and then the
vistas of stars and alien worlds, world upon world upon world. He became, briefly, the crystal upon
the altar, the Master standing beside it. But there were other forces present and around him, trying to
send him back into his earthly body and seal the rent that had appeared and which joined the causal
universe to the acausal where his Dark Gods waited. He became two beings because of this
opposition - a pure detached consciousness caught in the vortex of the Abyss, surrounded by stars,
and Conrad, standing holding the hand of his Satanic Mistress in the Temple. His earthly self saw the
astral clash between Togbare and the Master as their radiance was transformed by their wills and sent
forth, transforming the colourful aura of their opponent. He saw Tanith give Sanders a knife. Saw
Gedor approaching him, brandishing his own. Saw the congregation gather around the fight as they
lusted for the kill - Sanders tried several times to get away, but the encircling congregation always
pushed him back toward Gedor. Baynes, Neil and Miranda were beside Togbare and partly enclosed
in the luminescence of his aura.

Then Conrad seemed free again to wander through the barriers that kept the two universes apart. He
and Susan, together, had been a key to the gate of the Abyss, his own consciousness freed by the
power of the crystal and the Master's magick. He was free, and would break the one and only seal that
remained.

In the Temple, the fight did not take long to reach its conclusion. Sanders seemed to have become
possessed by the demonic atmosphere in the Temple and attacked several times, slashing at Gedor
with his knife. But each time Gedor had moved away. Sanders tried again, and harder, after Gedor cut
his arm. He caught Gedor's hand and turned to be stabbed by Gedor in the throat.

"The third key!" Tanith shouted in triumph.

The spurting blood seemed to vaporise and then form an ill-defined image above the altar. It became
the face of the Master, of Conrad, of a demon, of Satan himself.

Suddenly, Neil snatched the gun from Baynes. The shot missed the Master, and Baynes knocked Neil
over.
Togbare, distracted, looked at Baynes and then at the Master. He felt in that instant the Satanic barrier
protecting the Temple break, and renewed magickal power flowing down toward him, energizing his
staff and his own aura. He pointed the staff at the Master, sending bolts of magickal energy. They
reached him, and the auric energy around the Master, and the shape above the altar, vanished. But
Baynes leapt forward to snatch the staff and break it over his knee.

As he did so, the aura around Togbare flickered, and then disappeared. But the old man was too quick
for Baynes, and bent down to retrieve part of his stick which he threw at the crystal, hitting it. As it
struck, the crystal exploded, plunging the Temple into darkness.

There was then no magickal energy left, and Togbare calmly led Miranda and Neil back along the
tunnel to the hut. The dogs departed quietly the instant the crystal shattered, leaving Denise free to
open the trap-door and, when Togbare and the others reached her, she realized Neil had gone insane.

Togbare smiled at her as she closed the trap-door, and then he quietly fell to the floor. She did not
need to check his pulse, but did so nevertheless as Neil stood over her, dribbling.

Togbare was dead, and over the trees the Eagle Owl sent its call.

^^^^^^^

The darkness in the Temple lasted less that a minute, and when it was over both the Master and
Tanith had vanished. Conrad looked around and saw Baynes walking toward him. The congregation
still stood around the body of Sanders, looking at Conrad and waiting, as Susan looked and waited.

Without speaking, Baynes took hold of Conrad's left hand and bent down to kiss the ring in a gesture
of obeisance. Suddenly, Conrad understood. He was not just Conrad but a channel, a like, between
the worlds. He would be, because of this, the Anti-Christ and had only to develop and extend his
already burgeoning magickal powers for the Earth to become his domain. For by dark ritual a new
beast had been born, ready and willing to haunt the Earth. A few more rituals, and his invading
legions would be ready.

His laugh reverberated around the Temple.

^^^^^^^

Epilogue

Barred windows? Neil shook his head as if he could not remember before returning to his seat. The
television was on, as it always was during the day, and he watched it in the smoky, grimy room. He
did not know what he watched, but it passed a few hours.

Occasionally he would rise from his chair to stare around the room or out of the window. Once,
someone brought him some tablets and he took them without speaking, and, once he wandered across
the room to watch two of his fellow patients play a game of snooker on the worn table with cues that
were not quite straight. But neither the game nor they themselves interested him, and he resumed his
chair, sunk into his stupor.

Baynes had watched him briefly before he sat with the psychiatrist in the small almost airless room at
the end of the ward.

"Yes, indeed," the man was saying, "a perplexing case."

"And he mentioned my name?"

"Once, a few days ago, when he was admitted. He said something about an Eagle Owl, but it didn't
really make much sense. You met once I believe?"

"Yes. He was a student, at the University. Into drugs, I understand. And the Occult - that sort of thing.
He wanted to borrow some money. Rambled on about some conspiracy or other."

"Well," he fumbled with the folder that contained Neil's psychiatric case notes, "I won't keep you any
longer."

"He is receiving treatment, then?"

"Of course. Medication at the moment - although tomorrow we shall start ECT."

"Electroconvulsive therapy?" Baynes asked.

"Yes."

Baynes looked at Neil, and smiled. Then: "If there is anything I can do to help - " he said formally to
the Doctor as he stood to leave.

"We have a note of your address."

"Good bye, then."

Neil did not even look at Baynes as he walked through the ward to the door that led down the stairs
and out into the bright sunlight.

The Sun warmed the air, a little, but insufficient to melt any of the snow, and Denise stood by a large
Beech tree in the grounds of the hospital, watching Baynes leave. She knew better than to try and
follow him, and went back to her car where Miranda waited, asleep.

Miranda could remember nothing of the events in the Temple, but by using her own psychic skills,
Denise was beginning to understand them. She did not know what, if anything, she could do. All she
knew was that she had to try.

^^^^^^^
Fini
 Breaking The Silence Down

Order of Nine Angles

First issued 1985 e.n.

This corrected version (v.1.03) issued 119 Year of Fayen

Introduction

The following MS extends and amplifies the esoteric matters dealt with in ‘The Deofel Quartet’, and
the esoteric insight it deals with is appropriate to an aspirant Internal Adept.

Unlike the MSS in The Deofel Quartet, the magickal and "Satanic" aspects, themes and nature
of this work are not overt, nor implicit nor obvious, and thus - exoterically - it does not appear
to be a work of Sinister, or even of Occult, fiction.

However, the MS can – like the works of the Quartet – be read without trying to unravel its esoteric
meaning. Like those other works, it might through its reading promote a degree of self-insight and
supra-personal understanding within the reader. Unlike the works of the Quartet (which in the main
are concerned on the polarity of male/female vis-à-vis personal development/understanding) this
present work centres, for the most part, around the alternative, or gay (in this case, Sapphic), view.

An understanding of this view is necessary for a complete integration of all divergent aspects of the
individual psyche – an integration which the Rite of Internal Adept creates.

Wash your throats with wine

For Sirius returns
And we women are warm and wanton!

Before I WAS, you were sightless:

You looked, but could not see;
Before I WAS, you had no hearing:
You heard sounds, but could not listen.
Before I WAS, you swarmed with men,
But did not enjoy.
I CAME, opened my body and
Brought you lust, softness, understanding, and love!
My breasts pleased you
And brought forth darkness and joy...

(Synestry: The Dark Daughters of Baphomet)

Prologue

Shropshire, Late 1970's (e.n.)

Summer had come early to the Shropshire town of Greenock, perched as it was on the lofty
bank that overlooked the Severn valley and the undulating land southeast of Shrewsbury, and
Leonie Symonds set her face against the dry wind that swirled dust past the half-timbered
Guildhall. Down the narrow street she could see a woman struggle with her hat in the wind
that rattled the iron sign beside the ancient Raven Inn.

A farmer in his dirty jeep wished her good day but the wind snatched at his words and he was
left to spit on the pavement as he turned his vehicle toward his distant farm. Thunder was
brewing, but the lightning was still many miles to the east.

Inside, the Raven Inn was cool and Richard Apthone, with an unaccustomed mug of ale,
settled nervously in a corner, folding his town-styled jacket neatly beside him. The silence
which had greeted his entrance filled slowly, and soon the conversation had resumed its
leisurely pace.

“I canna’ think w’eer ‘es gwun,” he heard a voice say. The room was shadowed darkly, stained
by almost a century of smoke, soot from the open fire and the centuries old oak timbers, and
Apthone felt uneasy.

Dominoes rattled against a dark oak table. “Whad’n you bin doin’ at my house?” a voice asked.

“Him bin doin’ summat!”

In the sky, the thunder had begun, relieving some of Apthone’s tension, and he settled down to
slowly drink his mug of teak-coloured ale.

No rain came, and Leonie waited for half an hour outside the Inn under a darkening sky before
walking away. She possessed no courage to follow Apthone further. He was a Probationary
teacher, his spotty face fresh from University, while she was thirty-two and divorced. He had
left her, and his mocking laugh still pained.

Slowly, Leonie ambled along the narrow street to the ruins of the Priory. Greenock owed its
existence to the Cluniac foundation, and the town had continued its quiet, if at times
prosperous, existence after the Reformation in the sixteenth century, a huddle of half-timbered
and limestone buildings, until modern development had ruined its charm. The old town,
clustered on four narrow streets to the west and south of the Priory and nurtured by the
medieval prosperity of the monks and the local trade in corn and wool, had been conquered by
new red-brick estates whose occupiers and owners owed little, if anything, to the long and rich
heritage of the town or the land around. The old, cloistered community, bred through centuries
of local toil, tied to the land or the local trades of such a small market town, was dying out. But
a few remained, unchanged in speech or gesture, and sometimes a few of the surviving men
would gather to talk in their strange dialect in the dark of the Raven Inn. From a small town
famed for its stonemasons, Greenock had grown haphazardly to hold over a thousand souls.

The sky above the Priory ruins darkened again, and Leonie sat on the dry grass by the high
remains of the south transept, listening to the distant rumble of articulated lorries that skimmed
against the west of the town along the main road that joined somewhere to somewhere else.

Her childhood had been strict and Catholic and she found a form of comfort among the ruins.
Its destruction seemed to lessen her own feelings of rejection and for several minutes she felt
saddened as if the stones were giving up to her, after all the intervening centuries, all the
intervening prayers and plainsong that had seeped into them, year-by-year, day-by-day and
DivineOffice-by-DivineOffice. Once, as a child, she had felt the call of her God, the holy
promise of a religious vocation, but the years drew away the calling as she fulfilled the
ambitions of her parents at University and through marriage. Perhaps she had been wrong, and
she touched the rough stone of the transept by way of expiation. Perhaps her God was
punishing her for her desertion of His cause. For years a vague need had suffused her, a
longing whose fulfillment would somehow imbue her life with meaning and perhaps even joy.
Her marriage had failed, her affair with Richard seemed over and she began to realize that it
was human affection she craved. For an instant she longed to rest in the divine love of her
God’s human and crucified Son, but her faith was broken, chipped away by intellectual doubts
and the desires of the flesh.

She sat for nearly half an hour amid the petriochor of storm, trying to desire nothing. She was
unsuccessful, and found her thoughts drifting between the selfishness of Apthone and the
kindness of Diane. She had dreamt of Diane many times but after each dream was ashamed
and as if to punish herself for this betrayed, she clung to Apthone. She despised herself for her
dependence and there had been days when she appeared cold and cynical towards him until her
generosity of spirit triumphed. Diane Dietz was her most intimate friend – a colleague in
whom she had confided after her divorce – but the friendship had become both her blessing
and her curse. The more she confided, the more she wanted to confide simply to preserve the
special moments when they seemed to share the same understanding, feel the same feelings
and perhaps nurture the same desire.

But the stones were no longer singing for her and she walked away from the Priory, her
sadness and her dreams.

I
Leonie was late again. She did her best to appear unhurried and failed. Hume 4, her first class
of the day, were all present among the desks and overturned chairs and she fumbled with her
books while waiting for the tumult to subside.

“Cor, Miss!” shouted one of her girls whose leg warmers were singularly inappropriate
considering the weather, “I like your dress.”

Leonie smiled. The early morning Sun of summer cast shadows over the nearby fields and for
an instant she forgot Apthone’s harsh words, the spot on her chin and her recent divorce.

The class soon settled to their work and she enjoyed watching them while they toiled with
their essay. Somewhere, along the road that joined the large Comprehensive school to the
small town of Greenock, a noisy mower trimmed drought-burned grass.

Soon, too soon for Leonie, the lesson was over and she watched while the children fled at the
sound of the bell to add more noise to the corridor outside. The cloudless sky over the fields
near Windmill Hill made her happy and she wandered contently along the corridors to the
Staff Room. Apthone stood by the door. She smiled and went toward him but he was
embarrassed by the attention and walked away haughtily down the stairs. ‘Look,’ she
remembered he had said, ‘I enjoy sleeping with you – but as for anything else, forget it.’

Suddenly, her happiness disappeared like sun behind thick cloud.

“Are you alright, Leonie?” a gentle voice asked her. There seemed such warmth of
understanding there, in her eyes, that Leonie blushed and in her confusion allowed Diane to
guide her, like a lost child, into the Staff Room and onto a chair. She was brought a cup of
coffee, and biscuits, and when Diane moved away to collect some books from a chair by the
window, Leonie followed her every movement. Diane was a sylph, and Leonie envied her. She
felt herself unattractive – her hips were too large, her breasts were different sizes and too big
for her stature and she had wrinkles around her eyes. Diane’s skin was fair, unblemished and
soft and she experienced a sudden desire to touch it.

By the time Diane returned, she had composed herself sufficiently to ask, “How is your
husband?”

“Off on one of his jaunts again. He’s training to cycle from Land’s End to John O’Groats in
three days. Silly bugger!” As she laughed her small breasts wobbled, just a little.

Leonie lit a cigarette and nervously blew the smoke away.

“Is it Richard?” Diane asked softly.

“Yes.” It was only half a lie. Diane’s physical nearness was making her tremble and she felt
ashamed. Part of her wanted to touch Diane’s long hair. It was soft and flaxen and swayed
slightly in the breeze from the window.

There was anguish on Leonie’s face and Diane said, “Would you like me to have a word with
Richard?”

“No, please!” She placed a restraining hand on Diane’s arm but almost as soon took it away.
She felt disgusted that Diane might be disgusted with her desire. She forced herself to think
about other things.

“Are you going to Morgan’s party tonight?” Diane asked, intruding upon Leonie’s morbid
thoughts.

“No – I don’t think so.”

“That’s a pity,” Diane said sincerely. “I wanted you to go.”

Perplexed but pleased, an innocent Leonie said, “why?”

“Because I like being with you. It won’t be the same without you there.” She touched Leonie’s
face very gently with her hand.

Diane’s touch astonished her and her emotions were too contradictory for her to do anything
but mumble incoherently as Diane excused herself and strode purposefully through the huddle
of men around the door.
The lean figure of Emlyn Thomas, the Headmaster, whom the children perhaps unkindly
called Crater Face, ambled toward Leonie but his progress was interrupted by Thumper Watts.
Watts’ nickname had its genesis in his first few years at the school when, discipline still being
of the Wass Hill grind sort when errant pupils were forced to run up the 1 in 5 hill that joined
the northern edge of Greenock to the medieval hamlet of Wass, he was fond of clipping unruly
boys around their ears.

“Mr. Thomas,” said Thumper sarcastically, “I’m sending Howell to you – again!”

“Oh? What has the poor lad done now?”

“Only tried to set fire to Reynolds’ hair.”

Thomas wrung his hands like an elderly cleric. “I’ll give the lad a good talking to, mark my
words, I will.”

“He wants his balls cut off if you ask me,” mumbled Watts.

“What?”

“I was just saying, a talk is what he needs.”

“Yes, my feeling exactly!” Satisfied, he sidled away, completely forgetting abut his intention
to talk to Leonie.

Watts sat next to her instead. “Stupid idiot!’ he said in frustration, and winked at Leonie.

Leonie shivered. It was not that she disliked Watts – on the contrary, he was one of the few
male members of the teaching staff whom she respected. But his physical presence she found
intimidating, as if his sheer size overawed. Sometimes she found it hard to believe he was
Head of Physics Department for his build seemed more suitable to a more athletic profession
and it was easy for her to imagine him shot putting or tossing the cabre in some isolated glen.
Morgan came toward them, dramatically shaking her head so her frizzled read hair moulded
itself decoratively around her shoulders.

“Gosh! It’s hot!” she said.

Leonie smiled at her, but the gesture was ignored as Morgan sat next to Watts. Leonie did not
mind – the sun was searing what remained of the green from the grass of the school playing
fields and she stood by the window, watching sheep graze on Windmill Hill. It would have
been a peaceful scene – the fields of pasture, the scattered sheep, the twisting lane enclosed by
untrimmed hedge – except for the noise of the children. Sometimes the din from the school
could be heard in the centrer of Greenock, almost a mile to the south.

Leonie rested her head in her hands, her face alternatively possessed of sorrow and joy. She
watched a kestrel as it hovered briefly above the lane before swooping down to snatch its prey.
Around her, the staff room slowly filled with noise, and she did not see Diane looking at her
from the sun shadow by the door.

Diane watched Leonie intently for some time. Leonie’s feelings seemed a part of her, as if they
were related closely by reason of birth, and she felt sad because of the selfish desire which
captivated men like Apthone and which drove them to use a woman’s body while abusing the
warmth and sensitivity that a woman possessed. For an instant there existed in Diane a strong
desire to protect Leonie, to interfere dramatically in her life and free her from Apthone. But
more than that, Diane Dietz, a teacher of seven years standing and hitherto contented, was
jealous of Apthone. She wanted Leonie all to herself and in a mood of jealous rage that might
have made her hit Apthone or driven her to reveal her secret hopes to Leonie, she ran crying
from the room, down the stairs and out into the bare and unrelenting sun.

II

Richard Apthone was ignoring her again. He stood in the corner of Morgan’s garishly
furnished room talking jovially to he scantily clad hostess while conservatively dressed Leonie
skulked in the one empty corner. The loud music displeased her, as did the wine-soaked and
incestuous throng of teachers, and she regretted she had come. Watts was staring at her while
pretending to listen to Diane whose thin dress hid very little. Leonie blushed.
Morgan left Apthone and Leonie took advantage of the anonymity of the close-pressed crowd
to approach him.

“I must speak with you,” she said.

Apthone sighed, then swayed like a drunken clown. “You are.”

“Alone, please.”

“Can’t it wait? I'm enjoying myself.”

“No, it can’t wait.” She was almost crying.

“Can I stay tonight?” he whispered, attempting to affect concern. His face, however, did not
mould itself as his calculating mind intended, and he leered. Apthone was lanky in build with a
face like a frost-broken gargoyle.

“I’m pregnant,” Leonie said softly.

Apthone stared blankly at the wall, then looked nervously around. No one else seemed to have
heard. “But,” he stuttered, “you said you took precautions.”

“I’m sorry, but – “

“My god!” he rasped, “are you sure it’s mine?”

The insult made her cry. “Look,” he said for Watts was staring at them, “it’s not my problem.
For god’s sake woman, stop crying!”

She did not, and he walked away to gawk at Diane but she rudely pushed past him. Leonie’s
crying was making him nervous and he smiled drunkenly at Watts.

“Come outside a moment, will you?” said Watts.

Apthone blinked, but followed him.

“You alright, Leonie?” Diane asked.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she lied.

Instinctively, Diane embraced her, but their contact was brief, broken by Leonie.

Diane smiled. “We’d both be better off without men.”

“What do you mean?” asked Leonie sharply and instantly regretted it.

Diane shrugged. “They cause more problems than they solve.”

For nearly a minute they stood facing each other, both expectant, nervous and unsure and both
wishing for some gesture or word that might somehow make tangible their feelings. Diane
made to speak but Leonie, confused by her own suddenly conflicting feelings, smiled
nervously and withdrew to her corner.

Diane, full of rage at herself for her own timidity, muttered a long stream of obscene curses
which the loud music drowned, and by the time her courage had returned, Watts was talking to
Leonie. She drank two glasses of wine in quick succession and barged between them.

“Apthone gone then?” she asked pre-emptively.

Watts smiled mischievously. “He’s outside. Having a little sleep. Too much to drink if you ask
me.” He drank from his can of beer, then burped. “Well, I’m off. Can I give either of you a
lift?”
“No thanks,” an embarrassed Leonie asked.

“Diane?”

“Leonie has invited me back for coffee. Thanks, anyway.”

Watts affected another burp and loped away, stooping to go through the door.

Before Leonie could speak, Diane said, “I’m going to take you home, make you a hot drink
and get you to tell me all about what’s upset you so much."

“But –“

“Forget Richard. He’s probably so drunk he won’t even know you’ve gone.” Briefly, she held
Leonie’s hand. “I really care for you and hate seeing you unhappy.”

“You are kind,” said Leonie softly.

Leonie’s house bore some resemblance to her life, slightly disorganized but planned with the
best of intentions. It was a large house, bounded by gardens which were beginning to grow
wild, and carried its mantle of children well. Toys were neatly stored in the playroom and the
expensive furnishings had escaped largely untouched by melting ice cream, spilled, sticky
drinks, small dirty hands and impetuous ravaging feet. Its size and luxury had, at one time,
been of some solace to Leonie, but it had become empty and a constant reminder of what she
thought of as her marital incompetence. Her children were asleep when she and Diane arrived
and the young girl who had minded her children during her absence was soon gone, leaving
the two women alone. Diane made coffee and they sat, almost touching, on the leather sofa in
the sitting room.

“You seem very unhappy,” Diane said as a small circle of subdued light enclosed them among
the humid darkness of the room.

“I feel so peaceful with you.”

“I’m glad.”

Very quietly, she said, “I’m so confused.”

Diane’s face was gentle and serene and Leonie smiled awkwardly before saying, “I’m going to
have Richard’s baby.”

”Oh my darling!” Their embrace was natural but brief and Diane gently wiped away Leonie’s
tears.

“I don’t know what to do. It is such a mess. No one cares.”

“I do,” said Diane. “I care very much.”

“But – “ She turned her head away.

“Leonie,” Diane began is a whisper afraid that the beauty of the moment might be lost and
afraid of herself, “I find you very attractive.”

“Diane – I ….”

“Don’t say anything, please.” She stroked Leonie’s face with her hand, and then kissed her,
very gently. Leonie made no move to stop her and Diane kissed her again.

Leonie was not afraid, only pleased because Diane possessed the courage to express with
words and deeds what she herself had felt but would never have dared to express in any way.

“I need you, Leonie,” she heard Diane whisper.

The simple words ceased to be simple: they were a magickal invokation, a chant of power and
possessed for Leonie, in that instant of her troubled life, an almost sacred, childhood quality.
Nothing was real for her except Diane – her warm breath, her perfume, the softness of her
touch and the enfolding pressure of her body. She felt she wanted to be enveloped by Diane’s
warmth.

“I love your beauty,” Diane was saying. Diane’s touch was gentle, as gentle as Leonie had
imagined, once, that it might be and she did not tense nor speak words of discouragement
when Diane caressed her breasts.

There was gentleness in Diane’s kisses and touch that Leonie had never experienced before – a
kind of empathy as if Diane was not taking but sharing. She clung to Diane, fearing the
moments might end. But the moments did not end as she feared but changed instead into
physical passion.

“Diane”, she said slowly and precisely, “please stay with me tonight.”

Slowly, hand in hand, they walked the stairs to bed.

^^^

Light mist obscured the river Severn and the surrounding fields, and Leonie stared at the tops
of the trees. Soon, the warmth of the summer sun would disperse the mist and the mystery it
seemed to bring, returning the harsh contours, bleak colours, and breaking the silence down.
Leonie smiled. She liked her bedroom with its view of the Severn, the trees full of birds and
fields and found it easy to forget she lived on the edge of a town.

Diane was still asleep in her bed and there was an innocent joy in Leonie as she watched her
lover. Everything she could see seemed more beautiful because of Diane, as if her very
presence added a precious quality to the day. She wanted to lie down beside her, feel the
warmth and softness of her body.

Diane stretched, sleepy, and Leonie accepted the refuge of her arms.

“How do you feel?” Diane asked.

“A little guilty, I suppose. But happy!”

“You are lovely!”

“Can I ask you something?”

”Of course.”

“Is this your…what I – “

Diane smiled. “You mean is this the first time I have made love with a woman?”

Shyly, Leonie said, “Yes.”

She smiled. “I was very nervous last night – I almost didn’t do anything.”

“I’m glad you did.”

”If I had been wrong – “ Diane shrugged.

“What made you try?”

”You mean,” said Diane playfully, “apart from your beautiful body?”

”Seriously, though.”

”Something about the way you looked at me, I suppose.”

”I used to dream about you a lot. Very naughty dreams.”

“And now your dreams have come true.”

”I feel really funny.”

“Well, you make me laugh!” Diane kissed her, and then said, “you mean you can’t really
believe it’s happened?”
“In a way, yes. But I also feel I’m not the same person I was yesterday. I can’t explain.”

Diane smiled and rested her head on Leonie’s breasts. “A woman’s breasts are the softest
pillow in the world."

“You make me happy,” Leonie said as she stroked Diane’s hair. “I never thought I could be
happy again.”

The sound of Leonie’s children near the bedroom door surprised them, and Diane dressed
quickly, kissed her lover saying, “You make me happy as well!” and left.

Leonie ran down the stairs to wave goodbye, but the car had gone and she was left to return
slowly to the perfumed emptiness of her room.

Apthone did not seem important to her anymore. The half-resented need, which had bound her
to him, had been broken by Diane and as she dressed she found reasons for hating him. Even
the growing child in her womb held no terror; she would have an abortion and then Apthone
would be removed from her life. She would be free at last, and could give her life to Diane
whose gentle words of love during the long humid night had brought her tears of joy. There
was a quality about Diane’s love and passion that she had never experienced before, and it
pleased her.

The mist over the river was dispersing and she watched it disappear with a mixture of
happiness and loss. It would always remind her of her first night with Diane – yet it would be
good to feel the hot sun on her body, warming it.

Languid, she lay on her bed until a sudden guilt made her jump up to attend to the tasks of her
day, suppressing the thought she would be murdering her unborn child for the sake for the
pleasures of her body and the love of a woman. Defiantly, she took the crucifix from the wall
of her room and threw it under the bed.

III
Diane had closed the kitchen door of their bungalow in the tourist town of Church Stretton
when her husband appeared wobbling like a drunken duck on his cleated cycling shoes. He
was lean, burnt from the repeated exposure to the sun, wind and rain, with cropped hair as
befitted a racing cyclist – even an amateur one.

“Well?” he asked, feigning annoyance.

“Well what?” She stared at him holding her head to one side.

“Have a good time?”

“As a matter of fact – yes!” Immediately, she became defensive. “You off out to play, then?”

He looked pained – and not a little funny in his tight fitting cycling jumper and shorts. The
long, very close fitting shorts were superbly comfortable on a bicycle, but off it, they made a
grown man look ridiculous and a little obscene.

“Don’t tell me – ‘your training schedule’ demands it.”

”As a matter of fact, yes.”

”You think more of your rotten bikes than you do of me!”

“That’s a ridiculous and inaccurate thing to say.”

”But true.”

“No, it is not.”

”Aren’t you jealous?” she demanded.

“About what?” he looked at his watch.

“I’m having an affair,” she announced.

“That’s nice,” he replied without feeling.

“Don’t you care?”

“I know you are joking,” he smiled.

“Oh, we are the superior man, aren’t we?” she mocked.

Suddenly she was angry and he took advantage of her preoccupation with her emotion to slip
out the door. She saw him take his expensive cycle from the garage, resisted the temptation to
rush out and kick it, and watched him pedal down the road. The mask of calm, which she used
in her role of teacher returned slowly, helped by the morning stillness and the gathering mist,
and sat down in her bedroom to write her diary.

Her desire for her own children had long ago been vanquished by the natural facts of her
genetics and the need which bound her to women, and her innate love for children found its
poignant expression through the medium of her profession. She loved the mostly gentle
unfolding of a child from the often shy and awkward first-year into a young adult, aware of
themselves and mostly possessed of a youthful zeal, and she made no distinction between
those who were intellectually inclined and those who were naturally gifted with their hands.
To her, each child was unique, and she cared for them all – not out of sentiment or because she
believed it was morally right, but because it was in her nature to do so.

Yet she sought some satisfaction in life beyond the undoubted rewards of her profession and
the undeniable lesser rewards of being married to a cycling fanatic whose idea of a good day
was to thrash himself to exhaustion in a fifty mile trial – preferable over hilly terrain – talk
about it for hours afterwards and fall asleep in the evening reading a cycling magazine or a
technical report on the strength of the latest titanium axle. Their sitting room cabinet was full
of medal he had won, but after five years it was all predictably boring.

She had had no affairs with men, for she found them either too shallow in the head or too
uncaring. Their tenderness, she knew, was a ploy to obtain a woman’s body and for the most
part they had no interest in her as a person.
Three years ago, her experiences in adolescence, her hopeful expectations and secret desires,
had caused her to deliberately seek out the company of women. Her liaisons had been brief,
and unsatisfying, but they produced a stronger longing for what could be – a relationship based
on mutual desire for love and affection and a mutual, instinctive understanding of the kind she
felt was impossible with men.

Her thoughts carried her pen. “Maybe,” she wrote in her diary as a schoolgirl might, “I have
found my answer at last. There seems to be something special between us.”

Said laid the book aside to watch from her window the mist swirl slowly over the hills that
breasted the road to her school fifteen miles to the east. The sun cast a beautiful light between
the ground mist and the higher fog that obscured the hilltops, and she regretted her lack of
artistic talent. To paint such a light would be divine – but all she had ever done was compose a
few pieces of schoolgirl music. The diary was some solace, and she hid it, as she had done for
years among the clothes in her drawer, before writing a letter to Leonie. The act of writing
inspired her, as the misty light had done, and her letter became one of love.

She folded the letter neatly, sealing it within a perfumed envelope and placed it carefully if
nervously in her handbag. Its existence pleased her, and she sang happily while preparing her
breakfast. The breakfast was soon over and, showered and changed, she departed early for
school. The mist thinned and dispersed as her car carried her over Hazler Hill and along under
the blue sky on the country road that joined Stretton and its glacial, moor covered Mynd, to the
ancient settlement of Greenock.

Apthone’s rusty vehicle was already in the empty car park. The thought of meeting the
adolescent with the gait of Quasimodo and the meanness of Genghis Khan did not please her,
but even Apthone with his spotty face and fetid breath could not diminish the joy she still felt.
Soon, she would be with Leonie again.

The staff room was empty – except for Apthone. His face was bruised and he bore a black eye.
He also limped and his expression been less venomous, she might have laughed.

“Walked into a wall, then?” she asked.

He sneered, and the expression suited him. It also caused his face some pain. “I fell of my
motorcycle,” he lied.
“I didn’t know you had one.”

“Oh, yes! It’s an old….”

She left him grimacing to mark a few of her pupil’s exercise books. After a while, the marking
bored her and laying her handbag on top of the pile of books as she nearly always did, she left
to make herself a cup of coffee. A few children dawdled by the front door below. Apthone was
grinning maliciously, as well as his face would allow, when she returned.

He sat next to her. “Your little secret is safe with me,” he drooled.

Diane looked at him coldly. “What do you mean?”

He produced her precious letter. “That’s mine!” She made to snatch it but was too slow. “You
bastard! You’ve no right to go into my handbag!” She attempted to slap his face be he gripped
her arm.

“We wouldn’t like this to become general knowledge now, would we?”

“You bastard!”

“Listen,” he lisped, “I’ll keep quiet about this on one condition.”

“Go to hell!”

“I’m sure Mr. Thomas would be most interested in this. Or the School Governors. Like to be
dismissed would you? For being a lesbian.” He said the word with relish, and let her arm go.
“You do me a favor – I do you a favor. Can’t say fairer than that can I now?”

“Could I have my letter back please?” She demanded.

“Of course!” he smiled. “After you sleep with me.” He stood up dramatically, placing the
letter in his jacket pocket.
Angry, Diane stood in front of him. “I don’t care what you tell others!”

“Is that so?” he smirked.

“No one will believe you!”

“Willing to find out, are we? If that’s what you want.”

She moved toward him, but he pushed her away. “Think about it!” he said before turning and
almost running out the door.

Diane was too angry to cry. She also hated herself for being too physically weak to take her
letter by force and give Apthone what he so richly deserved. She thought of telephoning her
husband but he would still be pedaling furiously around the roads and she would be incapable
of explaining why she had written the letter in the first place.

Several members of staff arrived simultaneously and she bade them all good morning in her
customary cheerful manner. Apthone reappeared but ignored her. Morgan arrived to greet all
the men – she fussed a little over Apthone’s wounds, and Apthone’s laugh made Diane feel
sick. At the door she collided with Watts. Despite his size and often oafish manner, he held her
gently..

“Can’t stand it any longer, then?” he asked jovially.

She saw Apthone look at Watts and turn immediately away, his face pale and intuitively she
understood.

“I’ve left something in my car,” she said by way of explanation.

Watts winked at her and she escaped through the door, down the stairs and into the warm air of
morning.
Upstairs, Apthone would be polluting the room with his stench.

IV

The heat of the sun surprised her, and Diane moved her chair into the shadow. Her class was
restless, for no speck of white appeared in the sky.

“Miss,” Rachael the raven-haired asked while Bryan behind her pulled monster faces for
attention and the rest sulked in the heat, “How did you derive the solution?” She pointed to the
mathematical scrawl on the blackboard.

Diane frowned. It was not easy teaching lower sixth form mathematics on a humid day toward
the end of the summer term. Good natured Bryan, his cropped hair belying the astute brain
beneath, had started moaning to add sound to his impression when Rachael turned and rapped
his knuckles with her ruler.

“Grow up will you?” she mumbled. The sixth form was exempt from school uniform and as
she turned, framed from the side by a shaft of sun, Diane could see her breasts through the
dress. The fleeting sight brought a physical sensation of which she felt ashamed, but she
smiled calmly at Rachael until their eyes met. For a second, perhaps more, each understood
each other. Diane saw Rachael smile, then blush.

Bryan stuck out his tongue, but the beautiful Rachael with the mature body ignored him.
Through the glass in the door he caught sight of Apthone shuffling along the corridor.

“The bells! The bells!” he intoned, hunching himself.

Inspired, Diane went up to him, patted his gently on the head and sail, “There, there. You’ll
feel better in a minute.”

Bryan did not mind the laughter. “Ah! Esmeralda!” he chuckled as Diane returned to the
blackboard. His lurch was curtailed by the toneless buzzer in the corridor.
Rachael pretended to write in her exercise book until she and Diane were alone. “Miss,” she
asked, “can you help me with this?”

“I hope so Rachael!”

She was leaning over Rachael’s shoulder studying the neatly written equations. Rachael made
no move away and Diane could smell slight perfume. Part of her moved to kiss Rachael’s
cheek, but another pulled away. It was a battle her respectable half nearly lost.

“There,” she pointed, moving her face away, “you’ve written ‘y’ instead of ‘x’. No wonder
you cannot solve the equation.”

“Oh, how silly of me!” chided Rachael as Diane smiled and escaped through the door.

Leonie was waiting, shyly, by the stairs to the Staff Room, uncertain how to respond. Around
them, the childish mayhem continued.

“You stink!” one small freckled face said to another.

“Don’t.”

“Do! So there!”

“You smell more than me!”

“Don’t you ever wash, pongy?”

Impulsively, Diane held out her hand for Leonie, then withdrew it. “Can I see you tonight?”
she whispered as they climbed the stairs.

“I would like that Diane,” she smiled briefly. Then she quickened her pace to become enclosed
in the relative peace of the childfree Staff Room.

A gaggle of young and mostly female teachers surrounded the repulsive Apthone who was
heroically recounting the story of his accident, and Diane sneered at them before sitting beside
Watts.

“I think,” she said, “you’ve made him look better.”

He smiled at her understanding. “Dry bones can hurt no one.”

“Unless they are moved by evil intent.”

“And are they?”

“Who knows?” said Diane embarrassed. Suddenly, she smiled. “You’ve never liked him have
you?”

Gruffly, he said, “Met this sort before. He shouldn’t be a teacher. He’ll get some girl in
trouble, believe you me.”

“Didn’t you once teach Judo?”

”No, lass, Karate. Was competitive, once. Black belt, Third Dan, and all that. It’s quite easy to
kill someone, you know, without leaving a mark.”

“Could you teach me?”

“To kill someone?”

“No, of course not!” she laughed, nervously. “Just a few basic things. How long would it
take?”

“To learn anything useful – maybe a few weeks. Why?”

Diane shrugged. “Just an idea. These are troubled times.” To lessen his suspicion, she said,
“what don’t you start classes here – self defense for women? I would certainly attend.”

“Maybe. Doubt if old doubting Thomas would agree, though.”

“You could always try.”

“I’ll think about it.”

The expression on Watts’ face – full of warmth and love – surprised and shocked Diane and
she excused herself hurriedly to rush down the stairs and thread her way through the throng of
children in the corridor to a room when she could be alone.

After the noise of the school, the room seemed possessed of the quietness of a church and she
sat for a long time by the window trying to recapture the lost innocence of the warm Autumn
days of years ago during her first weeks at the school. The promise of those days, the
spontaneous joys, seemed to have been sucked away by the drab reality of adults and their
narrow-minded schemes.

Diane’s husband was engrossed in lubricating the chain of one of his bikes in the kitchen when
she arrived, late, from work.

“I was attacked on the way home,” she said airily.

“That’s nice.” He did not look up.

“And I’m being blackmailed.”

“Hmmm.”

“Don’t you care about me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” She looked at the well-polished racing cycle. “Is your bike more important?”

He stood up. “Are you feeling alright?”

“No I’m not! Not that you care!” She went to kick his cycle but he moved it in time.

“Careful!” he admonished. “That’s a 753 frame!”

“So what?”

Exasperated, he leaned the cycle gently against the wall. “Do you want to talk then?”

“Heaven forbid! What’s the point?”

“Personally, I cannot see any. When you are in an emotional mood like this.”

Diane stared at him. She felt resentful. For years they had lived uncomplicated almost separate
lives: hers dedicated to teaching; his to cycling. His employment was a means to the end of
cycle racing whereas hers had become the most important part of her life. They had quarreled
sometimes, but had existed quite happily without the intimacy of emotions she craved. Several
times in the years of their marriage when the emotional bareness of their relationship had
become unbearable, she had sought the soft scented comfort of a woman. But the affairs had
been brief and had filled her with guilt and a little self-loathing. She had enjoyed, more than
she at times liked to admit to herself, the physical part of her relationships, but she had never
found a woman to compliment her – one with whom she could share intimate personal details,
one with whom she could relax and be herself. Someone to share the pleasures of
companionship and someone with whom she could make love because such love making
would be an extension of their friendship – the ultimate tribute of a relationship. Yet despite all
the guilt, the doubts, the self-loathing and the fear of discovery, her desire for female intimacy
remained, promising so much that was unfulfilled.
She had existed in a sort of twilight zone between her wishes and the reality of her marriage,
accepting her married life because she had grown used to it and because there had always been
times when her husband would allow himself to become emotionally involved – when he
showed by words and deeds that he loved and needed her. But increasingly, he had become, it
seemed, absorbed in his racing as she had become absorbed in her secret desires and the joy of
teaching and the two passions never met. Once she had watched him at a time trial – fifty
miles on a cold and very early summer morning – but she had found it so boring, watching
rider speed after another at one minute intervals then stand around drinking tea for several
hours until all had completed the course and the winner was declared. She never went again.
The cycle he had bought her lay in the shed, ridden once and forgotten, and her loneliness bred
desire.

An obsession seemed to drive her husband. He had no time for fine ideas, thoughts or
emotions. He simple loved life – and hated to be bothered by thinking or feeling guilty about
it. He was almost satiric in the enjoyment he derived from his existence. He had no worries –
except about his bicycles – and would begin each day as though no other existed. Every
problem – every one of her problems – would be met with a smile (sometimes a laugh) and the
promise that everything would be all right. At first, she had loved his energy and enthusiasm.
Nothing daunted him; he was cheerful and full of vitality and even the knowledge that she
could not bear his children did not daunt. “Oh well,” he had said, “there is no use worrying
about a fact of Nature. Looks like a beautiful evening – we could go for a walk …”

Slowly, very slowly, she had begun to poison herself with resentment, but it was only her love
for Leonie that made her realize it.

She stood staring at her husband. She wanted him to come and embrace her; to tell her that he
loved and needed her, to offer to stay at home with her for a few hours instead of riding off
into the warm, humid evening. But all he did was look at his watch and check the pressure in
his tubular tires.

He was smiling and, as she nearly always did, she allowed her good nature to triumph over her
own desires.

“Go on!” she smiled and kissed him. “I don’t want to keep you.”

Soon, she was alone again in the silence of their house. The prospect of the evening excited
her and she was shaking when she picked up the telephone. Apthone was in his lodgings, as
she knew he might be, and she smiled satanically when she said: “Richard? Diane. Can you
meet me tonight?” She heard the glee in his voice.

“If you bring the letter – you can have what you want.” She could almost hear him drooling.
“Meet me a half past nine by the Devil’s Mouth on the Burway.”

The hours passed slowly, much to her consternation, until the sun of late evening cast long
shadows of the Stretton hills. The town was quiet as she drove toward the Burway. Several
tourists, distinguished by the cameras, idled along the streets and by the crossroads that
divided the Burway road from the tree-lined Sandford Avenue, a group of youths in leather
jackets lingered, shouting at cars as they passed.

A van heading for the town passed her as she steered the car slowly over the cattle grid
boundary between town and National Trust land, and she drove in low gear along the step
sheep-strewn hill. The road dropped precipitously to her right into the tourist trap of
Cardingmill Valley, but she had little desire to dwell on the scene, poignant though it was in
the soft light of beginning dusk. The road wound sharply, following the old droving route.
Fifty years ago, few people had walked the moors. But with the laying of the road and the
spread of the tourist-idea, swarms wore away, inch by inch, the thin soil among the bracken
and heather and fern. Many were the summer days when Diane had seen long lines of cars
ascending the road, spreading their contents and noise. She loved the Long Mynd and found
something almost mystical and sacred in walking along its top while wild wind scattered her
hair and drove snow into her face. From its varying steep sides, worn by glacier, water and
frost, she could see high Caer Caradoc with its hill-fort, the limestone escarpment of Wenlock
Edge, the plain around Shrewsbury with the volcanic mound of the Wrekin to the east, and to
the south the mottled contours of Nordy Bank. On a clear day, to the west, legend said
Snowdon could be seen.

The road climbed steadily until she passed by the long conical spur of Devil’s Mouth. A large
gravel and scree patch, shadowed by early morning sun, had been set aside for cars and
straddled the brief but level plateau below the spur. To the south, the hill fell steeply to
Townbrook before rising to the heights of Yearlet Hill. To the north, the land dropped steadily
for several hundred yards, blotched by sheep, heather, fern and grass, then steeply fell to
Carding Mill valley, cut by fast flowing water, before rising to Haddon Hill.

No cars were parked by the road and no one stood on the shale top of Devil’s Mouth to gaze
upon the Shropshire view. Diane left her car and waited. A few sheep, their necks blotched
with blue dye, tore the vegetation nearby and a slight wind stirred while no white cloud broke
the blue above. Quite unexpectedly, Diane felt sick. She began to shake, her mouth went dry
and she felt very cold. But quickly the fear and panic subsided.

She heard Apthone before she saw him. His motorcycle was loud amid the windy silence of
the hills and she watched him swagger toward her car, his helmet in his hand. He lounged
against her car, affecting boredom in his dirty jacket and jeans.

“Have you the letter?” she asked.

A pale and skinny hand grasped her letter and he smiled.

“Right,” she said coldly, “I think over there in the heather would be fine.” She pointed, as he
turned to look she withdrew the knife she had hidden in her sleeve.

It was not courage, but anger, which made her swiftly press it to his neck. Before Apthone
could react, she snatched the letter.

“Bother me again you little runt,” she said coldly suppressing her anger, “and I will use this.
Understand?”

Apthone tried to smile, and she pressed the tip of the knife into the skin of his neck. He
flinched.

‘Understand?” she repeated and he nodded. “Now go and stand over there,” she demanded.

Apthone obeyed and she calmly walked toward his motorcycle and plunged the knife into the
tire. He made no move toward her and she smiled at him before returning to her car. Soon, the
figure of Apthone disappeared from the rearview mirror of her car.

Less than a quarter of an hour later, her reaction came. In the kitchen of her house she began to
laugh. Apthone was no threat to her – and her hours of worry, anger, fear and frustration
seemed pointless. He was a spoiled child with the body of a man.
Pleased with herself, she was making herself a special brew of tea in celebration when she
heard a car stop outside. By the light of dusk she could see Watts slowly ease his bulk from the
enclosing steel of the car.

“Just came to see if you were alright,” he said as she opened the door.

“Why shouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged. “Just a feeling. Didn’t want to intrude.”

Feeling guilty about her rudeness, she said, “Would you like some tea?”

“Yes, fine.”

Watts was inspecting he shelves of books in the sitting room when she returned with the tray.

“I didn’t know that you were interested in musical composition,” he said.

“Only a little.”

He returned the book, evidently satisfied. “There is a lot about each other we don’t know.”

“Isn’t that true of everyone?”

“Your husband not here?”

“He’s riding most of the night – preparation for a 24 hour time trial or something.”

“You must get lonely.”

“No.”
“Does a lot of cycling, your husband?”

“Quite a lot, yes.” She was beginning to feel annoyed by his presence and personal questions.

“Seen anything of Leonie?”

”I don’t mean to be rude – “

“But you’d like me to go on. Can I see you tomorrow night?”

“I’m going out.”

“With Leonie?”

“How did – “ She watched him, but he continued to smile. “Yes.”

“How about the day after?”

“I don’t know.”

He had stood up to leave when she said, “Are you in love with Leonie?”

“Why look at me with eyes askance, Shropshire filly, and cruelly flee, thinking me bereft of
sense? A bridle I could place around your neck.”

“You’re an intriguing man.” She laughed.

“Why? Because I mis-quote Greek poetry or because – “

He looked at her but she turned away. He was blushing and the unexpected appearance of this
expression of his feeling perplexed Diane. He walked toward her and touched her face, very
gently, with his large, calloused hand before lifting her to her feet.

“I have always loved you.” He said.

She smiled nervously. “I never guessed until today.”

He kissed her forehead, but she moved away. “Please, don’t.”

“Diane – “

“Please, I want you to go.”

”I’m sorry if I have offended you.” He was not angry.

“No. Not really. It’s just that I’m a little confused. I don’t know what to think.”

He smiled, and then kissed her on the cheek. “I can wait.”

“Oh why did you have to tell me now!”

“Things just happen in their own time.”

She did not resist his kiss, but it was not what she wanted and she began to feel angry.

“Don’t, please!” she said, pulling away.

He let her go. “All that matters is that I love you.”

“And Leonie!” she taunted.

“Maybe. I thought you would understand.” He touched her face with his hand but she was torn
between apathy and anger and knocked it away.
“I would like you to go now,” she said, staring at the floor.

He shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

“Yes.”

“Shall I see you tomorrow? Just a thought. Maybe we could – “

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, I’d best be off then.” He did not move.

“Yes.”

He started to move toward her, then stopped, bowed fairly gracefully considering his build,
and winked. Before she could respond, he had closed the door behind him and for several
seconds she stood staring. No physical desire had possessed her, and all she could think of was
Leonie.

Outside, darkness stirred lazily, as it does on warm summer days treading past mid-summer. In
the shadows of a tree across the road, a freshly dress Apthone lurked, smiling to himself as he
watched Watt depart. Slowly, in his rusty car, he drove away to post his poisoned letter.

VI

The church bell, its chimes carried in the breeze, had tolled eleven when Diane’s doorbell
rang. The breeze did little to alter the humidity or Diane’s mood and languidly in her
nightdress she opened the door, half-expecting Watts. It was Apthone who leered at her.
“Push off!” she shouted.

His face crumpled and his breath smelled of beer. “I came to apologize Diane.”

“Go away or I’ll scream.”

“Now that wouldn’t,” he said staring at her breasts, “be nice, would it?”

“Don’t touch me!”

He laughed, and touched her breast. She screamed briefly, for he hit her in the stomach with
his fist before throwing her to the floor. In the struggle, her nightdress tore, exposing her
breasts. The sight increased Apthone’s drunken lust and he began to tear at her thin covering
while pinning her to the ground with his body and covering her mouth with his other hand.

She struggled, but his drunken strength was strong while he fumbled with his trousers.
Desperate and determined, she freed herself sufficiently to grasp his shoe, which had come
loose during the struggle. Her blows to his head were hard and insistent and he made to grasp
her arm, the action sufficient for Diane to free herself from the weight of his body. Apthone
was trying to stand when, with the fury of her anger fed by her desire to not be humiliated, she
kicked his face. She did not feel the blow, but it knocked Apthone over and she swiped the
heel of the shoe three times into his face.

“You bastard! You bastard!” she screamed as another of her blows broke his nose. Apthone
struggled to his feet, his face covered in blood. He lurched toward her and she threw the shoe
at him before running into the kitchen. He followed, staggering.

The carving knife she wielded was long, with a blade of surgical steel and she hissed like a
woman possessed.

“Get out or I’ll kill you!”

Apthone, trying to stop his bleeding nose with his hand, stepped back.
Diane’s eyes glowed. “I’d enjoy killing you, you pathetic bastard!”

She was intoxicated with the primal power of her Viking ancestors and no longer felt unsure.
Her education, her upbringing, all the finer feelings of her life, even her love of the innocence
of children, were banished in that moment and she perceived with a terrible clarity the
passionate realness of life. Its color was red, its expression blood.

“Come on!” she taunted him, her knife-holding knuckles white. “Come and get me you ugly
little bastard!”

But Apthone the coward retreated to the door to flee toward the dark and Diane had closed and
locked the door before she dropped the knife in horror at herself.

Blood spattered her wall; Apthone’s shoe was by the door that for five years she had closed on
her way to work. She began to shiver and had moved to the kitchen to retch into the sink when
the realization of her will became a fact in her consciousness. She knew with an irrefutable
arrogance born from the moments of fear and anger, that she and she alone was responsible for
herself and her feelings. She possessed not only the consciousness to decide but also the will to
make the decision possible. Everything was clear to her: there were no more questions; no
more doubts that undermined and made her weak.

The insight of understanding made her laugh; then cry. Apthone was gone but there would be
other Apthone’s somewhere imposing themselves and polluting with their warped will and
desire. The thought made her angry and she began to understand as she made herself some tea
in the neon brightness of her freshly painted and appliance strewn kitchen, that she need never
again allow herself to be weak or dominated. The civilization to which she belonged had
nurtured her, softly shielding her and she had been playing a doomed society’s role. Apthone’s
attempted rape, her own anger, the fear and humiliation that had possessed her, had broken
through this appearance to the real essence of the woman beyond. She was a unique individual
and did not have to conform to someone else’s set of rules or ideas.

Calmly, she collected a dressing gown before drinking her tea. She thought, momentarily,
about telephoning the Police – but that would merely confirm and reinforce the role. Apthone
had condemned himself by his act and she wanted personal revenge. If her understanding
signified anything it was this – Apthone was her problem to solve. And she, Diane Dietz,
lately a weak, emotional woman tied to feelings of insecurity and guilt as she had been tied to
the idea of marriage, could do anything because she had begun to discover the liberation of
self.

Among the clothes that lay in her drawer lay the revolver. It was a .38 Service issue revolver
and had lain in its box since her birthday over fifteen years ago. She had fired it once, she
remembered, as a young girl…

Sun dappled the front lawn through the summer clouds as her father held her had
steady. On the rear lawn, her mother played tennis while the sun dried the large
Georgian house of rain.

“Gently now,” he advised, “squeeze the trigger.”

The retort was not as loud as she had imagined and she closed her eyes as she
squeezed.

“My dear Diane,” remonstrated her father, twirling his mustache, “it is rather bad
form to close one’s eyes.”

She squinted at the target nailed to a tree and fired twice in rapid succession. After a
brief inspection her father, hobbling on his stick, returned to slap her on the back.

“Well done, I must say! One bull, other just a touch to the left.”

Next month, she had received the gun, in a presentation box, as a birthday gift. It had been one
of her father’s few mementoes from the war.

She inspected it carefully, as her father had shown her all those years ago. Oil clung to it and
she wiped some away, lightly, with the small cloth before loading the chambers. It was lighter
that she remembered.

In the dark outside, the church bell struck the quarter hour.
 VII

No lights showed in Morgan’s house and Diane drove slowly past. The gun felt heavy in her
jacket pocket but she ignored it, watching the street of terraced houses carefully. No one
stirred, among the houses or parked cars and no vehicle passed her.

Her visit to Apthone’s lodgings had been brief and had she been a few minutes earlier she
might have cornered her prey. The landlady was apologetic – Apthone had rushed in, and
hastily departed on his repaired motorcycle. Diane had smiled nicely at the old woman and left.

A few of the terraced houses showed lights and she parked near one, walking the few yards to
Morgan’s garishly painted door. Nearby two cat waileds in the clear humid night.

The response to her knocking was slow; a stair light, then footsteps to creak the stairs. Morgan,
wrapped in a coat, held the door on a chain.

“Yes?” she asked brusquely.

“Is Richard here?”

“No.”

“I must speak to him.”

Morgan’s voice was sympathetic. “He’s not here.”

Diane peer around the door and what she saw shocked her. “May I come in?”

“Look,” Morgan said with a sigh, “I’m very tired. I really want to go back to sleep. I don’t
mean to be rude but – “

“You’d rather I went?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. I can see why.” She turned and walked briskly to her car. Inside, she held the gun,
momentarily, then returned it wearily to her pocket. Her quest for vengeance had been eclipsed
by what she had seen and, slowly at first, she began to cry. Propped against Morgan’s stairs
had been her husband’s expensive bicycle.

It was the betrayal of trust that hurt the most, and she was alternatively angry, sad and a little
overjoyed. She did not mind the physical fact of her husband’s adultery as much as she minded
the deceit: there was obviously nothing, no emotional ties of a sensitive kind, no moral
obligation, that bound her to her husband, and the thought of revealing to him the dreadful
shame of Apthone’s attack made her sadder still. It would be impossible to reveal it, now,
because she was free and had only to rely on herself to experience a new strength. Nothing
bound her and she drove slowly toward Leonie’s house.

She sat in the car outside the house for some time, listening to a Vivaldi cassette. The music
calmed her and she found the trees, weird Celtic deities by the strange sodium lights, quite
beautiful. Behind the widely spaced houses, the river Severn flowed in darkness and drought.

The single headlight was blinding and Diane shielded her eyes. The screeching tires and crash
startled her, just a little, and she walked without much feeling toward the scene. A
motorcyclist had collided with the front of a stationary van and the impact had tossed the rider
into the air to collide with a concrete lamppost.

The rider, his helmet missing, was groaning and as Diane approached she recognized Apthone.
She did not smile but withdrew the gun from the pocket of her jacket while Apthone, with his
bloody face and twisted limbs, stared incomprehendingly.

“Diane” he whispered, coughing blood, “help me.”

She aimed the gun, easing the hammer back with her thumb. Apthone, horrified, shook his
head in desperation while Diane aimed the weapon at his head. He tried to wriggle away, but
his broken body refused to obey his commands of thought and Diane gently eased the hammer
back. There was no owl to haunt with its screech as she turned toward her lover’s house – only
the sound of people running, a car braking to halt in the road.
“Quick!” someone shouted as she stood by Leonie’s door. “Call an ambulance!” A large
garden hid her from the road.

Leonie was quick to answer the chimes. “Diane!” She hugged her friend. Come in. I hoped
you’d come.” She looked around. “I thought I heard a noise.”

“Yes,” smiled Diane. “There’s been some sort of accident."

"Hadn’t we better go and see if we can help?”

“I don’t think so. There seems to be enough people there already. We would probably only get
in the way.”

Leonie strained to see, but the road was thirty yards away. “You’re probably right.” She led
Diane into the brightness. “You look awful!”

“Thanks!” said Diane.

“No, honestly, I didn’t mean – “

“It’s alright,” smiled Diane, holding Leonie’s hand. The touch pleased both, if for slightly
different reasons. “Any chance of some coffee?”

“Actually, there’s some on. Just in case you called.”

The kitchen was all stainless steel and pine, but the subdued light and Leonie’s presence made
Diane feel welcome and warmly disposed toward the world. She could forget Apthone the
twisted, the deceiving adultery of her husband and the problem diversion of Watts.

“Can I stay the night?” she asked.

“Oh Diane, you don’t have to ask!” Shyly she handed Diane some coffee from the percolator.
“I feel this is as much your home now as mine.”

The words, the manner of their delivery and the gentle vulnerability of their speaker brought
euphoria to Diane. She forgot all her problems and embraced and kissed Leonie. Her love felt
like a physical pain.

“Do you mind if I tell you something?”

“Nothing would make me happier.”

In the sitting room, Diane lay on the sofa, her head in Leonie’s lap while Leonie stroked her
hair.

“I’m leaving my husband.”

”Not because of me?” asked Leonie, her voice trembling.

“Partly. But partly because he is having an affair with Morgan.”

”I’m sorry,” said Leonie sincerely. “I thought your marriage was fine.”

“These things happen.”

”Are you sure it’s not my fault?”

“If anyone is to blame it is probably Morgan the man-eater.”

”I’m sorry,” repeated Leonie.

“It’s for the best. It was inevitable anyway, as things were developing.”

“What will you do?”

Diane sighed. She felt content, lying in Leonie’s lap while her lover with sensuous breasts
stroked he hair. Apthone was irrelevant, Watts was not important. Even her husband, warm
and sweaty in Morgan’s scented bed, no longer held any power to mould her emotions.
Tonight, she could sleep with Leonie and in the morning she would watch the mist over the
river while sun warmed the green richness of earth. Then, with Leonie, to school where her
treasured pupils would be waiting and where she would try and infuse into them some of the
special meanings which were entwinned through life. The day of work done, she could come
home with Leonie to their house, play awhile with the children before the dark of night
brought the peace of contented and blissful post-Sapphic sleep.

“Leonie,” she whispered.

“Yes?” there was expectation in her voice.

“I hope you don’t think I’m imposing myself on you.”

”Even if you were, I would be glad.”

”I do love you.”

”And I – “ Leonie closed her eyes, but the reluctance remained. “Diane,” she said by way of
expiation, “please take me to bed.”

VIII

The morning was beautiful as the night had been and Diane stared out of the window. The post
dawn mist eddied slowly around the trees that clung to the grassy banks of the Severn, and
along the path a hundred yards below the house that followed the river for many a winding
mile, a solitary man in shorts ran, his stride like a gazelle. He vaulted the style of the fence that
separated the two small and shrub-strewn fields of cows, and Diane watched him run bare-
chested and lithe until he disappeared into the mist. No cars spoiled the quiet of dawn.

Naked Leonie joined her at the window and for several minutes both stood, arm in arm,
watching their minute part of the world change as low sun bore down to disperse the mists of
late night. It was one of those intense and rare magical moments that lovers share when no
words are needed and where the two halves seem united in empathy and expectation. A spell
bound them through both the gentle scented lusciousness of their bodies and the fusion of their
wordless thought. Both felt and understood the natural extension of the maturing relationship
that their lovemaking made; they were equal and reversed the roles as they and their other half
required. Giving and receiving, in turn as their feelings and desires changed with the passing
of the hours. For them, in the two passionate nights shared, there had been no distinction
between submission and dominance – between recipient and receiver – as there had been no
guilt of submission or defeat. Instead, a mutual response to unspoken desire. A sensitivity of
not only touch but mood that had hitherto been lacking in all their relations with men; a
feminine giving tempered by a very natural and gentle feminine mastery. But above all, a
genuine sharing.

For Diane the long night had been both a liberation and a release; Leonie was the woman
whom for many years she had sought, and with her all problems were resolved. She neither
needed nor desired anything else.

“I need no one but you, Leonie,” she said.

Leonie’s kiss was soft. “Where will you stay after today?”

“Would you mind? – “

“If you stayed here?”

“If you have no objection.”

“Diane, I was hoping you would.” She stared out of the window and the blush covered her face
and spread to her neck. “But I would prefer it if you lived here with me.” She hesitated. “If
you wanted to.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

”You are lovely.”

Embarrassed, Leonie retreated to the bed. “It may sound stupid but I feel safe with you.
Secure. I don’t have to pretend anymore. I can be myself.”
”I know what you mean,” she said softly. She liked being near Leonie and experienced a
pleasure when she looked at Leonie’s body. “Of course I want to live with you silly!”

The bare-chested runner had returned from his peregrinations and Diane watched him jump the
style before she joined Leonie in bed.

“I have a spare room,” Leonie said. She blushed, and then added, “what is mean is – your
things.”

“You don’t have to explain,” smiled Diane.

Into the room rushed Leonie’s little boy. His hair was tossled and his pajamas askew. He
stopped and stared at Diane.

“What are you doing in my mummy’s bed?” he asked cheekily.

“I had a nightmare,” Diane said immediately.

He pointed at himself. “Me too!” and he rushed into his mother’s arms.

The little head disappeared for a while, but every few seconds would sneak a look at Diane
and they bury himself again.

Diane laughed and began to tickle the boy who giggled and fell off the bed. The child, the
morning and all its facets but particularly Leonie, reminded Diane of the happiness and ecstasy
that were possible within human existence and she felt a sudden, overwhelming and
unexpected desire to be alone.

“Do you mind if I go for a little walk?” she asked.

“Diane,” replied Leonie obviously moved by the question, “you don’t have to ask.”

Hurriedly, though without shame, Diane dressed, careful not to let the revolver fall from her
pocket. It’s steel brought a reminder of the blood of the night and she quickly slipped through
Leonie’s rear garden, down the steep slope that separated the house fence from the pasture and
scrub toward the river.

No one came to disturb her peace and she wandered along the well-worn path by the river in
the burgeoning warmth of the early sun. Unaccountably, she found herself recalling almost
note for note the beauty of Tammaso Vitali’s Chaconne in G Minor and for an instant of
infinite time she had to stop as she experienced in one incredible moment the ecstasy and the
sacred beauty of life.

The mystic vision made everything around her seem holy and possessed of a stupendous
beauty. But most of all everything – from the grass, the bushes, sky and trees – was as it
should be, a part of a whole. There existed in the surroundings – in the soil she trod as much as
in the sun which had cracked it dry – something of the numinosity that she had felt in the
convent years of youth when in church, the choir singing Allegri, she had smelled the vague
incense that seemed to suffuse the stone and nun’s stalls, had seen the beauty of the sun as if
shafted the gloom of the church and felt the centuries heavy in reverence and adoration.

Now, as it almost had then, the moment overwhelmed so that she was forced to steady herself
by a fence and cry. Cry from an ecstasy that was almost incomprehensible and which no words
could explain.

She saw and felt as if it was her own pain, all the bitter sadness and waste just as she realized
and felt the beauty inherent in the world. She understood the possibility of what she – of what
everyone – could be. She had been blind, but could finally see. Before she had heard noises,
but did not listen and she finally understood the passion and demonic obsession that drove
composers like Beethoven. Music was a commitment, a means to discover and express life. It
could be holy, and might express the divine. She saw as if for the first time the rich blue of the
sky, the sumptuous green and browns of the trees, the miracle of life that was the mallard and
the indescribable beauty of people gifted with the wonder of thought and which yet might
make them divine.

The moment overwhelmed, then passed, etched upon her mind and she sat in the cow-torn,
broken and dewy grass. Nothing, she felt, surpassed this insight and she wanted desperately as
she had never wanted before, to find a means to preserve the moment, to capture it for herself
and others. The thought stirred her and she realized in her joy and vitality the essence of her
freedom: she was free and had only to grasp a possibility to make that possibility real.
The spiritual poverty and impoverishment of her own life became clear. She taught, a little, but
so many contradictions had pulled her she was largely ineffective. There was conflict because
others sought to keep their own image and desires alive. Lies, deceit, blackmail, the bitterness
and the hate, all destroyed vitality and vision. Only in and because of Leonie had she
experienced hitherto a glimpse of what lay beyond – but it had been a vague longing partially
fulfilled. Yet it was all so simple she now understood. So absolutely simple that there was no
problem which a time under sun could not solve.

Carefully, she resumed her walk trying through the slowness of her motion to retain the
precious moment and its mystic glow. As she walked, music grew in her and she began to feel
the need to compose, to capture through such a form part of the essence she had touched. The
thought brought renewed joy and a sharp intimation of destiny so that she ran along the path
laughing playfully at herself. Tonight, when her thoughts and feelings had settled, she would
share with Leonie this moment of hers.

Like a Mistress of Earth, no cares assailed her. Each tree was a deity she blessed and over the
slow water under a mottled sun, Diane the witch, cast her spell.

IX

It was a different Diane who strode before the fateful hour of nine into a staff room quieted by
news of Apthone. The failed rapist lay in a coma, balanced between life and death, and Diane
smiled when the worried Fisher with the balding head and nervous jerks of a coot, told her.

“It’s awful, really, isn’t it?” the sociology master said, before scratching his overgrown ear.

Watts and Morgan entered together and Diane smiled oddly at them.

“Can I speak with you Morgan?” she asked. Watts touched her shoulder, lightly, and sauntered
off.

“Diane,” began Morgan, “before you say anything – I am sorry.”

“Why? You’re only doing what comes naturally. How long has it been going on?”

Morgan looked pained. “Diane – “

“As far as I am concerned you can have him. And good luck. I hope you like bicycles.”

Despite her affected anger, Diane could not help noticing how beautiful Morgan looked. Her
dress, gathered by a belt at the waist, was the perfect compliment to her figure, the halter neck
showing sun-browned shoulders that seemed to highlight the green eyes and red hair, and for a
few seconds Diane envied her husband. Fortunately perhaps, she disliked Morgan’s
personality.

“Diane, it is all over believe me.”

”Only because I found out.” She smiled warmly, disconcerting Morgan who did not know how
to react. “Really, I don’t care. You’re both consenting adults. I just hope he makes you happy.”
She kissed Morgan lightly on the cheek and Morgan could only stare in amazement.

The gesture was only half kindly meant, for although the remembrance of her morning ecstasy
was vivid with its visions, sufficient of Diane’s anger remain to confuse her motives and she
was about to explain her behavior to Leonie who was sitting morosely and alone by the sun-
filled window, when Thomas the headmaster accosted her.

“Diane!” he said, placing his hand on her arm, a habit, which had hitherto irritated her. “Bad
news about Richard, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” She lied. Apthone was one person she never intended to forgive.

“Can I see you in my office for a few minutes before the bell?”’

“Now?”

“If you have no objections, that is.”

Lost Leonie was watching so she said, “Yes, of course, Mr. Thomas, I won't be a moment.”

”No rush,” he muttered in his abstract way.

Leonie appeared close to tears. “Are you alright, darling?” Diane whispered, holding Leonie’s
hand between the two chairs so that others would not see.

“Richard – he ….Last night when – “

“I know.”

“And to think this morning I had been so happy.”

It was true, Diane knew, for at breakfast a youthful Leonie had laughed, played with her
children and afterwards allowed Diane the pleasure of helping her dress.

“It must have been him – his accident – that we heard,” Leonie said morosely.

“Seems so.”

“So close and we did not know. We could have helped. I feel so responsible.”

“He was drunk.”

”Really?”

“So the Police said. Stupid of him to drive when you’re like that.”

”But still – “

“It was his own fault, apparently.”

”I suppose so. But if only I’d been there. I feel dreadful.”

”The boss wants to see me.”

“I heard.” Suddenly Leonie’s face glowed. “Hey – it might be your promotion!”

Diane laughed and stood up. “I doubt it.” No one was near so she said, “I’ll bring a few things
around this evening if you don’t mind.”

“That would be nice.”

Leonie’s face with its gentleness appeared to Diane to express an ineffable need for affection,
and she had to turn hurriedly away because she wanted to hold Leonie in her arms, stroke her
hair and tell her of her love. Each step she took toward the door seemed a physical effort,
separating her from the one person whom she loved with a deep and passionate intensity. The
aura which they had formed and shared during and since the late hours of night when in the
warmth and dark they made love and talked of their hopes and desires and needs, was
stretching, dividing, and only a conscious effort of will walked her body along the noisy, child-
littered corridors to the office of the Headmaster.

The large room was uncluttered and too tidy. Books sat undusted and unused behind the
cabinet glass and the large desk contained only a few writing materials and a telephone. On the
wall, two well-made notice boards hung, neatly filled, and the steel gray of the filing cabinet
complimented the bureaucratic gray of the chairs.

“Ah! Diane. Nice of you to come. I shan’t keep you long, believe me. Sit down! Sit down! Sit
down!”

He rose in a gentlemanly way before settling his half-rimmed spectacles upon his nose.

“I have had a rather strange letter.” He held the write envelope for her to see.
”Delivered by hand last night it was.”

“And it’s about me?”

“Yes. Not only that. Oh no – but enclosed was a photocopy of a private letter.” He handed her
the copy. “You recognize it may I ask?”
It was a copy of her letter to Leonie, and its existence and possession by Thomas shocked her.
“Yes,” she said in a whisper.

Thomas peered over his spectacles like a judge. “What you do is no concern of mine, you
know. Nor, ideally of course, should it be of this establishment. As long as it does not interfere
with or affect your teaching – as I am sure it never will.” He removed his spectacles, slowly
and laid them on the desk. “I have a notion who sent this, and as far as I am concerned that is
the end of the matter.”

Diane was astounded. Her understanding of Thomas had been totally and utterly incorrect. The
man of staff room jokes and unkind remarks was a lie, a figment of the imagination. There he
sat, in his worn tweed jacket whose buttons were loose, his graying hair catching a little of the
little sun that edged to his window, his lean and wrinkled hands fumbling with his spectacles,
there he sat – smiling slightly, exuding a kindness that Diane could feel and understood. For a
brief moment, Emlyn Thomas worn by the battles of his school and nearing retirement,
seemed to Diana to be only very weakly attached to life, to the world of school, village and
earth. If she blew, he might drift away to another world.

“Mr. Thomas – I don’t know what to say.”

He gave her a clean and starched handkerchief to wipe her eyes.

“I thought a lot, last night,” he said stuffing the now damp white cloth into his trouser pocket,
“about not telling you. But decided it was for the best. So you knew where I stood, so to speak.
Neatly, he folded the anonymous letter, photocopy and envelope together. “I’ll burn this and
we will say no more about it. Now – “

Diane was standing, as if on cue.

“ – Before you go I would just like to say this.” He smiled at her. “If you have problems,
anytime, I am always here. You are too good a teacher to lose.”

Diane’s feeling of relief was strong and she had begun to walk toward him before stopping
herself. She wanted to say he was a kind man, but she lacked the simple courage to directly
express her feelings, and she was at the door before another intimation of his frailty assailed
her.
She kissed his cheek. The gesture delighted him and he chuckled, “Perhaps I should get more
such letters!” before she rushed from his room.

The knowledge that one more person knew her secret soon dismayed Diane, and as she walked
along the corridors of the school to the room of her first lesson of the day, she felt oppressed.
The room was on the ground floor, shadowed by the angled assembly hall from the morning
sun. The blackboard still held her mathematical equations, her desk a few tatty books. Soon
the desks would be occupied. The trauma of Apthone’s attack had been destroyed by her
mystic ecstasy of the early morning, but the memory of the letter was fading in its reality and
Diane sat at her desk, watching starlings pick worms from the playing field grass. No supra-
personal love overwhelmed and she began to feel as if her vocation was drifting away – there
would be suspicion and doubt, the keen sidelong look, the unspoken thought. Of course, she
could deny it all – “I ought to say, Mr. Thomas, that I am not a lesbian….’ But even the
possibility of denial was repulsive to her. She was who she was, too self-willed to deny the
accusations.

It was true, and she thought, briefly, of announcing to the world (well, at least the school staff)
the truth of her nature. There were organizations, somewhere, she had heard, who would
defend her rights. Yet her feelings and desires were deeply personal and she could not think of
being labelled thus; somehow, it might debase her relationship with Leonie. No longer would
she be Diane Dietz, the mathematics teacher – she would be Diane the lesbian, marked by the
label which would colour what people said to her or thought of her. She knew it should not
matter to others – but it would. The thought of Morgan – pretty red-haired Morgan – saying
“and her a lesbian! Well, really, I always thought she was, well, a little odd!” was not a
prospect at all pleasing and she would be forced to play a role. Worse, she was bound to lose
her job. “I’m very sorry,” they would say, “but you must understand we have a duty to the
children. Imagine what the parents of little girls would think – a lesbian teaching their child.”

“Miss,” a young voice beside her said.

“What?” she smiled at Rachael. “I’m sorry, I was day-dreaming.”

“Are you alright?” asked Rachael nervously.

“Fine. Just thinking.”

“Terrible about Mr. Apthone, isn’t it Miss?”

“I suppose so.” She tried to disguise her feelings.

“Miss?” Rachael shuffled her feet while smoothing her thin cotton dress. “Can I ask you
something?”

“Yes, of course, Rachael.”

“My parents are giving a small party on Saturday and I was wondering, well, if you’d like to
come. You could stay the night if you didn’t want to travel back late to Stretton.”

“Rachael – I …”

Bryan chose the right moment to open the door, stare around like a lunatic and tumble twice
across the room with the control and agility of a gymnast. As he took his bow, Diane said,
“Your wealth of talent continues to surprise me, Bryan.”

The calculated stupidity and innocent vitality of her pupil preserved Diane’s objectivity as well
as reinforced her dwindling love of teaching. Rachael was sulking because of the interruption
and aware of the delicate situation, Diane smiled at her.

“Yes, I love to come, Rachael.”

“Oh,” said Rachael a little dismissively, “if you like.”

Dianne was not offended, for the classroom soon contained all of her sixth form set and, amid
the dry heat of the cloudless summer’s day in the restful Shropshire town, she soon forgot the
pressures of her past.

In a hospital, fifteen miles to the northwest, Apthone opened his eyes while monitors pulsed
with life. Briefly, Diane shivered, but Bryan was pulling his funny faces, Rachael was smiling
at her and a slight breeze caught her face.
“Miss?” asked Bryan seriously.

“Yes?”

“Why do cowboys ride their horses into town?”

Diane frowned.

“Because,” smirked Bryan, “they’re too heavy to carry!”

Diane’s laugh erased Apthone from her thoughts.

A cooling breeze flowed through Leonie’s sitting room while her children played in the
garden. It was nearly six o’clock and Leonie was becoming increasingly morose.

“Diane,” she said as she blew smoke from her cigarette away, “I feel I ought to go and see
him.”

Diane placed her pile of mathematics exercise books aside. “You don’t owe him anything.”

“But I am going to have his baby.”

“You don’t love him, do you?”

“No. But I feel responsible for him in a way.”

”You ought to forget him.”

“I can’t. He needs someone, now more than ever.”

“Are you surprised that he hasn’t got any friends? Look at the way he treated you.”

”He’s going to be paralyzed for life, the doctors said.”

”it was his own fault.”

”You can be heartless at times>”

“Leonie please don’t go.”

”Why are you so insistent? You’re not jealous are you?”

“No, of course not! It’s just that –“

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“I think I’ll go.”

”Don’t please.”

”I have to see him.”

”He’s not worth it.” Diane felt that Apthone was taunting her – exercising control over Leonie
even from his hospital bed. Suddenly, she wished she had killed him.

“Will you come?” Leonie asked.

The thought horrified Diane. “Never!”

“Why do you dislike him so much?”

”It doesn’t matter.” She watched Leonie – soft, gentle Leonie – for some time before saying, “I
wish you could just trust me. Accept I have a good reason why I don’t want you to see him.”
She sat down beside Leonie and held her hand. “Please, Leonie, don’t let him come between
us.

“You are all that I have left.”

”I do care for you Diane.” She stroked her stomach. “But for my own peace of mind, I really
must go.”

Tenderly, Diane said, “If you must, you must; I’ll stay here with the children.”

“Would you? Really? That would be kind.”

Leonie was happy and ran from the room to tell her children. She returned hastily, to shout,
“Won’t be lone. Promise!” before the front door slammed and Diane was alone with her
thoughts.

Leonie was shaking a little as the nurse led her to Apthone’s room. It was brighter and much
cleaner than she had expected, a corridor away from the main ward in the new glass and
concrete Shrewsbury hospital. A monitor blipped in rhythm with Apthone’s heart while a drip-
fed some form of life into his arm. Near the solitary bed, a mechanical respirator stood ready.

Apthone lay on his back, unable to move, staring at the ceiling, his face puffy and bruised. A
naso-gastric tube taped to his nose did little to offset the clinical nature of the room.

“How are you?” she asked.

Apthone gurgled. His voice was a thin reedy whine. “Tired.”

“You’ll be alright.” His physical helplessness appalled Leonie and she held his lifeless hand.

“Leonie,” he breathed with effort, “I love you.” He closed his eyes.

“He’s heavily sedated,” said the nurse in explanation.

“Richard –“

“It’s too late now,” she said.

“Richard,” Leonie whispered in his ear, “remember out child.”

His eyes opened and he tried to smile. “Yes.”

The nurse was gesturing at Leonie and said. “I’ve got to go now, but I’ll be back later.”

But Apthone was asleep and Leonie was crying as the nurse guided her to the corridor.

“Would you like some tea?” the kindly nurse asked.

An ambulance drove slowly away from the entrance while Leonie walked to her car trying to
untangle the emotions which knotted her stomach and made her feel sick. People came, cars
passed, a single-decker bus, bright red and flashing sun as its air-brakes panted in the heat,
disgorged a few passengers under the cirrus flecked blue of the sky.

Leonie dreaded seeing Diane. Yet she wanted to rest her head on Diane’s shoulder, stroke her
beautiful flaxen hair and talk quietly of her feelings and pain. The conflict made her dizzy, and
she had to steady herself by the car.

Ignoring the stuffy heat, she sat still in the car for nearly half an hour, disgusted with herself.
The years of conditioning were telling her, insistently, that she was a pervert. All the
expectations of her parents, all the pressure of her role as a respected teacher, made her think
her desire for Diane’s love was unhealthy. She began to worry about her children and to feel it
would be wrong for them if she stayed with Diane. They would need a father, a stable and
proper family – all the things her upbringing had conditioned her to believe were right and
necessary. Shame touched her, and she wondered if her feelings for Diane were simply an
excuse, nothing special and their affair a trivial episode that signified nothing except a very
temporary need.

These thoughts relieved her, and she forced herself to think about Apthone, vaguely aware that
she might not, after all, be different from other women, some sort of freak. Apthone would
need help, and the more she thought about his helplessness the more she began to feel that she
might atone for her own weakness, inferiority and perversion by helping him. It was a noble
sentiment, if wrongly conceived, for it did not occur to Leonie as it might have occurred to a
woman who had not her confidence undermined for years by a neurotic and scheming husband
and whose strict religious upbringing precluded self-expression, that she was neither inferior
nor perverted. But her parents, her husband and the pressure of her role as wife and mother had
done their work well, insidiously well, until she had almost become in herself what others
expected her to be, a reflection of their image of her. There seemed to Leonie to nothing inside
herself, nothing of her own, nothing lovable – her husband had often said as much – nothing
that mattered in any way special. Even as a teacher, the one area she felt gifted, she had soon
her prospects of promotion fade with the advancing years, confirming her self-loathing and
doubt. Unbidden, a remembered phrase broke the passage of her thought: ‘Look up now, thou
weak wretch, and see what thou art. Be loathe to think of aught but Himself...’

The phrase brought recollection and a remembrance of the childhood dread of sin, the smell of
churches and an image of Apthone, crippled. Leonie tried very had, while the hot sun beat
down dryly upon her car, to pretend her feelings for Diane were not real. Diane did not love
her – she was just being kind. Diane could not love her because there was nothing to love and
she had just fooled herself again, as she had done about her husband’s love. Morbidly, she
believed she was in some sinister, occult way, responsible for Apthone’s plight – she had
wanted to abort their child, and she was culpable, before God, she was culpable.

No cloud came to ease the burden of heat, and she sat, quite still, while around her cars passed
and were parked, people talked or laughed. A memory of happier days at university, free from
self-torment and expectation and love, was soon gone, and she began to cry, very quietly,
needing Diane yet terrified that such need was shameful and perverse. Desperate, she pushed
all her thoughts, longings and desires aside, determined to shut out the world completely, to
lock herself away, to be safe inside again.

She drove away from the hospital slowly and stopped only when she reached the driveway of
her house. Shrewsbury town had seemed cheerful, if sultry, caught in the burden of summer’s
heat, and she wished it would rain, as if the rain would wash away her feelings of traumatic
guilt. Instead of driving to her house, she stopped alongside the main road outside. No sign of
Apthone’s accident was evident, but she wandered beside the pavement imagining the terror.
She had been inside while a crippled Apthone shed his blood on the road – inside, enjoying the
pleasures of her senses.

The contrast appalled her, bringing remorse for her own sensual desires and the desire to
somehow protect the child growing in her womb – to give it life, or at least a chance of life.
Two young girls in flowery dresses came skipping along the pavement, oblivious to the
tragedy, and Leonie smiled at them but they did not notice and continued on their way, small
bundles of vitality whose innocence made Leonie want to cry.

Diane, her small suitcase beside her was in the garden when Leonie entered the house. Her
children were watching the one-eyed god, unaware of her return and she sneaked like a broken
thief into the garden. Below and beyond the boundary of fench, several young boys walked
shirtless along the river path, strangely silent under the downing sun as insects swirled in
profusion and a Redstart called.

Diane did not look up as Leonie approached. “Did you see him?” she asked.

“Yes.” Leonie sat on the springy grass, restraining her desire to stroke Diane’s smooth, tanned
and beautifully lithe legs. If Diane touched her, she would be certain of her love.

The touch, and affirmation, she yearned for did not come and she clung in desperation to her
guilt. “He said he loved me,” she sighed, softly, like snow sighs softly against glass. For an
instant she felt cold, as cold as a winter blizzard wind.

When Diane did not speak, she said. “I really ought to go back and stay with him.”

“If that is what you want to do.”

”It’s what I feel I should do.”

“Why?”

“Diane, please. We’ve been through all this before.”

For an instant Diane regretted her insistence – but Apthone was so detestable and the thought
of him using his self-induced helplessness to ensnare Leonie angered her as she had been
angered by Leonie’s desire to see him. She felt it was a betrayal, and she was jealous. She
thought of her revolver, but the idea of murder displeased her because she understood, through
her love of Leonie, that Leonie was free to make her own choices. She could not force
Leonie’s love. She wanted, with an almost satanic desire, to protect Leonie and the love they
had shared; wanted, jealously, to share her with no one and she waited for some word or
gesture from Leonie that would confirm their love. None came, and her desire nurtured the
wish to tell Leonie about Apthone – but the assault was still too humiliating and degrading for
her and its terrible memory broke the wish the way lightning breaks the air with sound.

“You must,” she said clearly, “do what you think is best.”

”What do you think I should do?” Leonie asked unexpectedly.

“Do you love him?” She watched the inner struggle evident on Leonie’s face and was relieved
when Leonie spoke.

“I don’t know. Sometimes, yes. Other times – I don’t know.”

“But you want to look after him?”

“Yes. But I want us – you and I to still be friends. “To… But I bear his child. I can’t escape
that. He will live again in his child.”

Leonie’s faith, trust and innocence brought tears to Diane’s eyes, but she hid them and when
she spoke she was smiling. “I thought I’d spend the weekend at home. Get a few things sorted
out.”

Leonie’s voice was a whisper. “If you want to.”

“Well, if you are going to spend time visiting him, it would be best.”

“I suppose so.”

“Alex has offered to help me wind up a few things. Dispose of furniture: that sort of thing.”

“Oh.”
“I promised I’d see him tonight. He offered to move my husband’s belongings,” she said
jovially, trying to make the lie convincing.

“Will you be alright by yourself tonight, Leonie?”

“Yes, Diane, of course.”

”I could stay – if you wished.”

“No, honestly. I’ll be fine. The children are more than enough!” she said mournfully at the
bedroom window where, in the early morning, she and Diane had stood. “Will you come and
see me tomorrow, in the morning?”

“I would like to, yes.” She held Leonie’s hand. Leonie’s grip was tight as if she did not want to
let go but Diane stood up and the brief contact that brought a score of memories to Leonie was
broken.

In the sky, a single cloud spread the sun in haze.

XI

The Long Mynd, the growing bracken bright green against the drought worn heather, was cool
as it stood in the Welsh breeze. A few cars lined the narrow pot-holed road that rose steeply up
Burway Hill, meandered along the flattened top and then dropped precipitously beyond the
Gliding Station to the scattered hamlets in the Onny valley. Shropshire west of the Long Mynd
lived in a different time, for no main roads addled the small, steep hills; there was nothing
special about it and after four thousand years of habitation the land wore its human mantle
discreetly. Generations of families grew together and died, in small cottages, farms and even
shacks. Few outlanders settled; fewer still bought holiday cottages and after two hundred years
of industrialization and four decades of agri-business that had reduced Shropshire to just
another English county, its settlements were mostly unchanged. Few small farms had been
mangled to form the huge concerns often run from a city or a town; fewer hedges had been
despoiled, and the native oak still grew wide and tall in the small fields, beside the twisty lanes
or in scattered clumps that overflowed the Welsh border. It was as if a little piece of old
Shropshire had been saved by its poorness and lack of tourist charm. True, Land Rovers and
cars passed along the lanes, but even these seemed unwilling concessions and the only
speeding vehicles belong to tourist outlanders. They seldom stayed long.

To these rushing denizens from the many conurbations and towns to the east and south for
whom change and speed were more often than not solutions to the problem of boredom, the
whole area seemed desolate and unkempt: farm fences would be patched with old bedsteads,
old barns with odd pieces of sack or fence, and rusty, antiquated farm machinery would lay
beside or on rutted lanes. But the land had its pride, a very local and individual pride which
few outlanders could understand since the area was suited only to rough grazing or patchy
spreads of arable crops. Yet, along many a lane among the mamelons, hedges were laid with a
care born of generations of skill.

The whole area abounded in dark legends and strange names. Squilver, Grigg, Crudhall,
Sorrowful, Murmurers. To the north lay the boundary crags of the Stiperstones where comely
witches, raven and red-haired, were wont to meet in more enlightened times to practice
fertility rites and the pagan ecstasies of the Old Religion which many a local myth said still
survived, darkly and sometimes in the young. On the Stiperstones – Hell Gutter and Devil’s
Chair where Wild Edric lost his way and beneath which he lies imprisoned with his beautiful
wife to haunt the mists of night.

Diane parked her car on the road by the square of trees that marked the boundary of Pole
Cottage. No cottage remained, and it might never have been. Only the trees and a few ruts
remained in the soil to mark its glory around the turn of the century when trains of pack horses
and droving sheep wore steadily and slowly at the Portway track, marked across the Mynd by
Neolithic man. Even the trees, spindly and twisted by wind and which solely relieved the
heathered, mossy plateau, were dying, their seedlings destroyed every year by the roaming
sheep.

Diane followed a downward westerly path among the heather, passed several tumps, to stand
and gaze at the land below. Around, Meadow pipits flitted while the wind moved her hair and
still warm sun cast her broken shadow. Nearby, a curlew called.

The sound of the curlew saddened her, but it did not take long for the Long Mynd to work its
magic. The land below, stretching to the Welsh border, intrigued her with its hill-valleys and
sun-shrouded calm. She felt a desire to live here with such a view, among the moors where she
could sense, and feel in a way that calmed, the fructifying goodness of Earth, the sometimes
dangerous and illusive serenity and the companionship of wind. She would never be lonely,
and it was as if, in that moment and the others like it, all that she most needed or wanted from
life existed on the Mynd. Often, as she walked, following in preference sheep tracks which
few, if any, human feet had ever trod, in winter, autumn, spring or summer dawn, she had
talked like a child to the land, naming every nuance of a valley or spirit of a stream. It was
difficult, sometimes, for her to leave and when she did, after a long walk of many hours, she
resented the scurrying world below. But, always, the numinosity vanished slowly and she had
come to realize over many years that she needed people, and her life below, as much as she
needed the long walks alone. But always, always, the lure of the Mynd drew here back.

She had thought many times of a cottage on the Mynd. But most of the land she loved could
not be bought and the prospect of tourist trooping summerly displeased her, a little, with the
passing of each year. At time, there existed within her no distinction between her as a person
and the Mynd. She knew this must be an illusion, but the thought did not trouble her, as she
did not care if others thought she was mad. It was a very private sharing which she doubted
she could even share with a living soul as part of her wanted to share it – not because she cared
what others thought, but because to talk about it to someone who could not or would not
understand and who lacked the empathy she felt she herself possessed, would she knew
destroy some of the sacred quality. Her feeling would be cheapened.

Yet there were cottages, scattered along the edge of the Mynd as it dropped steeply to the
valleys and plains below. She might buy one, someday. She understood it was paradoxical that
teaching inspired her like the Mynd. Her teaching was bright, an innocent joy that brought a
remembrance of childhood dreams, while her Mynd was earth-bound and dark, a woman, a
sorceress, perhaps, she had seen in her dreams.

She removed her shoes and stockings and, as she had done many times, walked barefoot on the
moor. She loved the feel of the earth, stone and turf warmed by sun – even the brittle scratchy
heather. A young man with a bright orange rucksack bore heavily alone the road, but he did
not see her and she was left to complete her widdershin circumambulation in defiance of all
cars.

Hunger and the dying sun drew her to her car, and she sat in the twilight trying to think of
Leonie. The earth, wind and sky, her Mynd, had given her a calm, receptive power that
enhanced in a indefinable way her sexuality and she experienced a desire for Leonie. Here
among the heather, under the darkening sky they might together find peace. It was an
impossible fantasy – because of Apthone the deranged. But the sad reality made Diane aware
that, for the first time in her adult life, she possessed no desire, however small, for men. They
were a world away and would not be touched.
The air, her thoughts and walk in bare feet, but most powerfully her empathy with the Mynd,
all combined to alter her and although she did not know it, she radiated a beautiful and
bewitching aura that would have captivated any man and made her mistress over them all.

Her house felt empty even before she opened the door to its darkness. The stain of Apthone’s
blood had faded and on the pine kitchen table she found her husband’s note.

“I’m sorry,” it read, “but we both knew our marriage never worked. Have gone to stay with
Morgan. You see, we’re in love.”

He had not signed it and she took it to her bedroom. “It was kind of you to write,” she wrote
sincerely, “I wish you happiness and hope you achieve all you are meant to. Thank you for
giving me some of the best times of my life. I will never forget how happy I have been and
hope we can still be friends. Diane.”

Her kindness came easily, since she had ceased to struggle, possessed no desire for men, and
still felt the power of the Mynd and the memory of her morning ecstasy. She felt sad at losing
part of her life, but it was deeper inner sadness that, in a strange way, calmed her – like a slow
movement from the Vivaldi concerto. Somehow, the demise of her marriage seemed to
compliment her new feelings and she felt free from the often-insidious pressures that a
relationship with a man – any man – involved. However kindly they talked, however interested
they seemed in her as a person, there existed the tension of their sexual desire and, often, a
wish to dominate. She had scorned this at University and school not only because she
instinctively distrusted men. The shallow personalities of her men friends had not attracted her,
and she buried herself in her work. She had been courted, often, for her sylph-like beauty and
intellectual mind seemed to attract, but she disliked the male façade of pretence, their
insensitivity, and it was only a year before her marriage that she set out with a single-minded
determination to seduce a man.

It had not been as exciting as she had anticipated and it, and her one brief subsequent
encounter, did little to assuage her intimate feeling toward women. But, insidiously, there
seemed to grow within her a desire for children. Little that she did or thought seemed to lessen
it and the guilt she felt about herself, and when on one winter’s morning with a sprinkling of
snow she had passed in her car an athletic young man clad in short sleeve jumper and shorts, a
hitherto unknown desire possessed her. He was changing his punctured tubular tire and smiled
as she passed, warm within her car, his well-muscled legs almost obscene, and his face and
whole body suffused with health. For several days afterwards she thought of his eyes, and
passed the same spot at the same time. He was always around, pedalling easily and fast along
the snowy road joining her lodging and school. A week later she passed him, fully in thinly
dressed, on a street in Stretton, and their friendship had been born.

But it was all over and in the sad serenity of her loneliness she prepared herself a meal.
Leonie, she felt, would be thinking about Apthone the half-dead, and tomorrow at Rachael’s
party, she, as befitted a natural Mistress of Earth, would were black. Her sympathetic
witchcraft might even work.

XII

Rachael stood in the bright light by her parents piano, laughing at Bryan’s joke while , around
her, her parent’s guests gabbled or drank or smoked to mute a mostly-unintelligible
background of Mozart. Rachael’s use of cosmetics had been light, the result perfectly suited to
her gentle features, but it was the manner of her dress that attracted Diane as a scruffy Fisher
tried to engage her, on her arrival, in conversation and she tried to forget Leonie’s telephone
call. “He has asked me to marry him,’ the distant Leonie had said.

“Really, Diane,” Fisher was saying, “even your subject can be taught in a more, shall we say,
relevant way.” He moved his mouth like a fish and his few strands of spiky hair swayed.

“What?” said Diane. Rachael had clothed herself in a black dress that exposed an ample
amount of her large breasts and she wore a necklace of real amber. Her shoes and stockings
were black to match her hair.

“Mathematics,” droned Fisher, “can be taught – “

“Excuse me!” she said, pushing him aside.

“Hello Miss.”

”I see we chose the same colour.”

“Yes.”
“It might suggest something. Your necklace is beautiful.”

”It was my Grandmother’s. An hereditary gift.”

“It suits your green eyes.”

Rachael smiled, and Bryan the astute, left them.

Diane touched the piano, gently. “Will you play?”

“I couldn’t.”

“For me?”

“I – “

“I will turn the pages of your music.”

Rachael smiled and from the pile in the piano-seat selected a large bound book. She smiled,
nervously, but Diane lightly touched her shoulder and she began to play the Arietta for
Beethoven’s Opus 111. Across the room, scattered with the guests, Bryan turned the Mozart
off.

Soon, only the Beethoven could be heard, and had Diane been alone she would have cried. The
music, the beautiful Rachael, her concentration, even the movement of her fingers, enthralled,
bringing both memory and desire and purging her of the past. Apthone, the blood, Leonie, her
walk by the river. But, beyond all, it was Rachael who captivated her. Rachael’s perfume and
music had bewitched.

Then, too soon, the perfect music was over. For ten seconds, silence.

“I did not know you could play like that!” said Rachael’s astonished mother.
Rachael smiled at Diane before saying, “neither did I!”

It was Bryan who began the applause, and Rachael’s mother who ended it by saying, “Really,
it seems we have had a musical genius in our midst all this time!”

“Yes, Rosalind,” grinned Fisher as he leered at her, “it certainly does.”

Rosalind smiled endearingly at him, pleased with his attention, before ushering her guests into
dinner. The dining room was about half the size of Diane’s bungalow, the large oak table was
formally spread and Diane began to regret her acceptance. She would have to make polite,
boring and feminine conversation. Only Rachael’s presence would redeem the ordeal. Bryan,
the only other pupil, had been seated next to Rachael and was about to offer Diane his seat
when Rachael’s mother intervened.

“There Bryan,” she said, patting his arm, a gesture he clearly disliked, “you sit next to our
talented Rachael. I am sure you will have a lot to talk about, won’t you?”

Bryan shrugged and sat down. Diane was seated between a benign old gentleman with white
hair and a nervous man in an ill-fitting suit with a face of a starveling owl.

“Mr. Karlowicz,” said Rosalind helpfully as she patted him on the arm, “is a painter.”

”You the teacher?” asked the old man beside Diane.

“Yes.”

“Oh,” he replied puzzled. “I thought you were the teacher.”

”What do you paint?” she asked Karlowicz.

“Canvas!” he chuckled, the resumed his nervous frown.

“Do start!” chided Rosalind.

Rachael was leaning forward over her melon and Karlowicz stared at her. But Rachael’s smile
was for Diane, and she ate her melon slowly while Karlowicz sweated in the heat.

“If you are not the teacher,” the old man asked Diane, “are you the painter chap?”

“No, I’m the lesbian,” she almost said, but manfully resisted. Instead, she said, “actually, I am
the teacher.”

”Funny, you don’t look like the painter.”

The agony was relieved only by Rachael, and she smiled at her across the table before
immersing herself in the delicate task of social eating. The thought of Leonie, sitting beside the
cripple Apthone’s bed angered, momentarily, and she remembered Leonie’s nervous voice
over the telephone. “Diane – he, that is Richard, asked me to marry him.” A silence without
circuits crackled. “And will you?” she had asked. “I really don’t know… but I have to consider
the baby.” And the guilt, Diane knew, always the guilt and insecurity oppressing. Apthone was
poisoning Leonie: but there was not even a momentary desire in Diane, as there had been
yesterday, to kill him and free Leonie. Her lover had chosen and in the sadness Diane
remembered some lines of Sappho:

Because you love me

Stand with me face to face

And unveil the softness in your eyes...

Diane sat in silence for the rest of the meal while Fisher monopolized the conversation with a
lecture on the relevance and significance of sociology. She smiled kindly at him, once, but he
was too engrossed in the torrent of his own words to notice while everyone except Rachael,
Bryan and herself (and the old man, who had fallen asleep) nodded sagely their assent. Toward
the end of the interminable meal she could see Bryan fighting a desperate battle with himself
and was a little disappointed when he did not leap up and cartwheel over the table as part of
him so obviously wanted.

“You see!” said Fisher, his eyes glazed while Rachael’s mother served coffee, “the community
of similar interests which underlies this restricted code obviates the requirement for subjective
intent to be verbally elaborated and made fundamentally explicit.”
Fisher smiled. “It’s quite simple, Bryan. The codes determine the area of discretion – “

Diane could restrain herself no more. She stood up. “If you’ll excuse Rachael and me. She has
promised to play a little more music.”

“Yes,” agreed Rosalind, “that would be very nice. We could listen in here.”

Rachael did not disappoint and followed Diane out.

“You don’t have to play,” Diane said as Rachael sat at the piano. “It was just an excuse.”

“I know. But I’d like to play, Diane.” She breathed the name softly and Diane was aware of
the intimacy.

Scorning the Beethoven, Rachael played from memory part of Scriabin’s Ninth Sonata. Half of
her youthful face was shadowed, and as she bent of the piano, her eyes closed, her fingers
seemingly possessed of a life all their own, she seemed to Diane to embodiment of
enchantment and it occurred to her, very slowly, that she was seducing Rachael. As the last
notes faded, undampened by the pedal, Rachael’s mother shouted from the dining room.

“That is awful! Play something better.”

Angry, Rachael played a few bars of a nursery rhyme before slamming the lid in disgust. The
tempestuousness, the vitality and Rachael’s youthful health, vibrated a memory in Diane and
she was torn between a desire to become close with Rachael and her faithfulness toward the
insecure Leonie. For an instant, an incredible instant, it seemed to her as if Rachael was the
wildness of the Mynd come alive.

“Is Mr. Apthone any better?” Rachael asked, intruding upon her thought.

“Not really.”

”I never liked him,” Rachael said directly. “He gave me the creeps.”
The juxtaposition of Rachael’s mature sensibilities with the speaking of uncritical youthful
thought confused Diane momentarily because she had forgotten Rachael was her pupil.
Rachael herself was embarrassed by the change and bit her lip.

“Shall I play some more for you?”

They were clearly forgotten, for laughter drifted from the dining room, following the cigar
smoke and the aroma of ground coffee.

“Yes, Rachael, I would love you to. You never said you were so talented.”

“I only play when I am inspired.” She laid the book out at the beginning of Opus 111. “You
inspire me,” she said and immediately began to play.

Her playing and Rachael herself were magickal. She was possessed, hardly seemed human and
Diane found it difficult to believe her age because her playing was so full of mature emotion.
Rachael did not need the music and Diane stood beside her, fearing to breath, and when it was
over she was crying, softly. Never before in her life had she been so moved by a piece of
music: she had attended better performances, perhaps, listened to greater music, but never had
it been so personal. Never had she been involved as she was when Rachael played. It was not
Beethoven – it was Rachael and she, a joining of mutual souls. The music joined them together
in an indefinable numinous way.

“Why,” Diane said, trying to hold the moment through silence as she touched Rachael’s
shoulder, “are you studying maths?”

“I’m not that good,” replied Rachael softly.

“Oh but Rachael, you are!”

Rachael shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel different tonight. It was like I didn’t have to try. I
can’t explain really. Once I’d begun, everything happened naturally. I’ve never felt like that
before.” She stared at the floor. “I’ve never been able to play the whole Sonata before – but I
wanted to play well – for you.”
“You could become a professional pianist.”

“Would you be proud of me if I was?”

The question hit Diane like a slap in the face. Carefully, she said, “you are lovely as you are!”

Rachael’s reply was never uttered as the guests, led by Rachael’s mother entered the room.

“Mr. Karlowicz,” announced Rosalind, gripping Karlowicz’s arm, has agree to paint Rachael’s
portrait, haven’t you?

The painter smiled awkwardly and nodded while Fisher grinned and said, “In the nude, eh?”

”I do not know,” replied Karlowicz. “I cannot say.”

“Until you have seen the goods, eh?” laughed Fisher while Rachael’s mother smiled.

“Have you ever thought,” Diane asked Rachael’s mother in a loud voice, “that Rachael might
be a pianist?”

“Heavens no!” She wants to be a mathematician, like my father. He was a Professor, you
know.”

“No, I didn’t.” Bryan had rescued Rachael from the clutches of Karlowicz and Fisher and in a
gentle voice Diane added, “she has a talent for the piano. A great gift. She could obtain a
scholarship easily. It would be a pity to waste such talent.”

“Nonsense! She is more gifted at mathematics. Like my father was.”

Diane remained silent while Rachael’s mother smiled gracefully and left to attend to her
guests. Fisher was moving toward Diane, but she brushed past him. After the shared passion of
Beethoven everything and everyone except Rachael seemed bland.
“Rachael,” she said while Bryan winked at her and left to talk with Fisher. “I’m afraid I’d like
to go.”

Rachael’s face crumpled and she looked as if she might cry, but Diane said “it’s all right. Your
piano playing has made everything – “

Rachael smiled. “Nowhere, Geliebte, can world exist but within. Life passes in
transformation.”

Unnecessarily, she added, “I do understand, Diane.”

“We must meet for a talk sometime.”

“I would like that very much. Can it be soon?”

“I hope so.” She moved to hold Rachael’s hand but stopped herself. She felt responsible – for
Rachael was barely seventeen and her pupil. She could pretend she did not care and become
formal, delineating through her authority as Rachael’s teacher, their respective roles and had
she not stood and listened and shared with Rachael the Beethoven and had she not felt
instinctively that her own feelings were reciprocated, she might have done so. She had no
experience to guide her and felt confused.

“Can you convey my apologies to your parents?” was all she said.

“Yes – they won’t mind. Probably won’t even notice you’re gone.”

”I’ll telephone you tomorrow,” Diane said without thinking.

Rachael blushed. “I’ll look forward to that.”

They stared at each other, both unsure what to do. It was Diane who said, “Well, goodbye.”
Without looking back she walked out into the hazy sunlight of middle evening.
The drive along the deserted Greenock to Stretton road brought some calm to Diane and she
was able to forget, for a while, Rachael and her music. It was a beautiful evening, humid with
a slight breeze and it did not seem to matter that the haze was caused by industrial pollution in
Europe being carried in the lofty winds of the high-pressure area. Twice a day, five times a
week during term, for nearly six years, she had been along the road and knew every grassy
bank, the shape of every hedge through every season, even the position of each pothole. The
road wound its undulating way, straddling the coppiced, oak-filled ridge that rose above the
cultivated plain to the north-east of the Stretton fault, before dropping into the scattered
farmsteads and villages of Ape Dale, and turning west over the Stretton hills and down into the
valley, a funnel for trunk road traffic.

Everything here changed slowly. No new houses had been built during her time of tenure and
over the years the villages through which she passed remained the same: the squat cottages
with their small gardens of rose and bright flowers; the farms, often with the pungent smell of
manure. She felt part of the land, secure because of her familiarity. Two-thirds of the distance
out from Greenock lay a garage, skirting the few houses and bungalows of the village of Wall
through which the road turned sharply west. The garage, well-worn and fraying brick, had
been closed twice, re-sold often and now its small grimy windows showed the familiar sign:
“Under New Management.’

Diane slowed, but a large ‘Closed’ sign was battened to the patched door and she drove on
while Beethoven played in her head. Stretton was quiet. Only a few cars were parked beside
the Limes of the main wide street of Victorian shop facades. The cinema has long ago been
replaced by a red-brick supermarket and the cottages which had once graced the top corner of
the street down which the water flooded after storm, had been removed, replaced by Banks as
the railway brought prosperity and popularity to the town.

The High Street, leading south past the mock columned Banks, was a jumble of periods from
half-timbered Georgian through mock wattle and daub to a handful of Victorian facades, and
the breeze stirred the pavement litter. It had been a good day, for tourists.

The narrow road widened past new housing estates clawed out from farming land, past the
disused and quaintly small gas-works to the beginning of World’s End and the foot of Ashlet
Hill where Diane’s bungalow lay, shaded from all evening sun. She sat in her car in the
driveway for several minutes, thinking about Rachael and Leonie until someone rapped on the
roof.
It was Watts. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Lucky for you I was early then. I suppose you’d better come in.”

The sitting room smelled, vaguely, and she opened all the windows wide.

“Well?” she asked while Watts leaned against the frame of the door.

“Have you seen Leonie?”

“No.”

“They are getting married.”

She betrayed to surprise. “I thought they might.”

“You know why?”

“I’ve got a good idea.”

“She feels guilty as well, I presume.”

“It’s typical of Apthone.”

“You don’t mind?”

“She had her own life to lead.”

“And Apthone?”
“I try not to think about him.” She shivered involuntarily. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Yes.” He did not stand aside and she had to brush past him on her way to the kitchen.

“Please don’t.” She moved away.

“But Diane – “

“I’m sorry. I’ve gone off men since – “

“What?”

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

Watts held her by the shoulder, but she did not look at his face. “Diane, I love you.”

”Don’t say that!” She wriggled free.

“Why not? It’s true!” She stood with her back to him and he said, “What’s wrong? What has
Apthone done now?”

“What make you think it has anything to do with him?”

“Instinct,” said Watts sharply.

She turned around suddenly. “Look Alex, I’m very fond of you but at the moment I don’t want
any sort of relationship. With anyone.”

He smiled, lopsidedly. “We’d all be better off with Apthone dead.”

“He’s crucified himself.”

“And now he’s crucifying Leonie. And you.” He watched her very carefully. “You’ve gone off
Leonie, haven’t you?” When she did not answer he said, “Because she is still bound to
Apthone, isn’t it? She prefers Apthone to you.”

“You don’t know what you are talking about!”

He smiled. “I think I do.”

“I’m very tired,” she said coldly. “I’m sorry but would you mind if we forgot about the
coffee?”

“You want me to go?”

“Yes.”

“I guess I can wait a little longer,” he shrugged then squinted at her. “Did Apthone come here
the other night after I left?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Nothing. Just a guess. Well, I suppose I’d better be going then.”

“If you wouldn’t mind.”

She walked with him to the door. “All problems can be solved,” he said mordantly. He moved
to kiss her but she stepped back and shut the door before he could speak.

She was tired and sat in her sitting room while a refreshing breeze caught her face and ruffled,
slightly, her hair. Among her records she found a performance of Beethoven’s Opus 111 but it
was Rachael’s music and she could not listen to someone else playing it.

Instead, she contented herself with watching a television program. The play seemed realistic
with the characters screaming at each other in broad Glaswegian and she watched it to its
conclusion before switching the set off. The real world was in her head, full of conflicting
dreams and desires, and after she had carefully closed all windows and locked and bolted the
doors, she undressed for bed.

Sleep did not come easily and in the humid darkness she was restless for many hours before
the pleasant relief of sleeping dreams overcame her troubled mind and allowed her naked,
sweaty body to relax. The dreamed she was by the sea under a beautiful blue sky but the sea
was full of rubbish and untreated sewage. Rachael was walking nearby, laughing and smiling
while she talked to several young men. She walked toward her and, as a stranger invited the
beautiful girl for a drink. Access to the bar of the hotel was through a small door through
which they had to crawl and she had ordered drinks for them both while Watts the bartender
sneered. She felt guilty and tried to escape through the door, but the opening was now only a
small hole and she could not squeeze through. Instead, she returned to Rachael secretly
pleased that she could not escape.

She was awoken in the early morning hours of darkness by the ringing of the doorbell. A brief
terror suffused her, but she calmly dressed, gathered her revolver from the drawer and walked
purposefully into the stinging brightness of the hall.

It was Rachael, leaning on her cycle and Diane hid the revolver behind her back.

“I had an argument with my mother,” she said.

“And you’ve cycled all the way here?”

”Yes.”

“You’d better come in.”

Rachael wheeled her bicycle into the hall while Diane hid the gun in a pocket of a coat by the
door. In the sitting room, they sat together on the sofa.

“What was the argument about?”

“Nothing.”

“It was about me wasn’t it?”

“Yes.” She stared glumly at the carpet. “She said I was too old to have crushes on women
teachers.”

“I see.”

“She doesn’t understand.” Nervously, she bit a nail. “I’m not wrong, am I?”

Looking at Rachael’s face, Diane could not lie. “No, Rachael, you are not wrong.”

“What shall we do?”

“I don’t know. I am in a very difficult position.”

“Because you are my teacher?”

“I’m afraid so.”

”I wouldn’t want to do anything to harm you.”

“I know. Are you sure – “

“That it is not just a crush? Oh yes, I’m sure.”

“Do your parents know you are here?”

“No.”

“Hadn’t we better tell them? They will be worried.”

”I’m over sixteen. Anyway, they don’t care about me – only about themselves.”

“Shall we telephone them?’

“I’d rather you didn’t. I left a note. They’ll find it in the morning. It was really awful after you
left.” She looked around.

“Is your husband here?”

“No.”

“Oh. I presumed – “

“Actually, we’re getting divorced.”

”Really?”

“Yes.”

“Can I stay with you – for a while?”

“It might not be wise.”

”But no one will know – about us, I mean.”

”There is nothing for anyone to know.”

“But the could be, couldn’t there, Diane?”

“You might be mistaken about yourself.”

Rachael smiled. “I don’t think so. Not after tonight. When I played the Beethoven for you, I
knew. I have felt like this for you for a long time, but never dared say anything.”
“If the weather is fine tomorrow, shall we have a picnic on the Long Mynd?”

“That would be marvellous!”

“Now you must get some sleep. I’ll show you to the spare room.” She smiled. “I don’t suppose
you brought any clothes?”

”No.”

”Don’t worry. You can borrow one of my nightdresses. It might just fit!”

“It doesn’t matter really. It’s too hot anyway.”

Diane showed her to the small room, somewhat cluttered with space bicycle wheels and
punctured tubular tires.

“Diane, it’s very kind of you.”

Embarrassed, she said, “Sleep well.”

”And you.”

Her own bed felt damp with the sweat that the sultry night had drawn and she lay naked on the
sheet in the airless room. She heard the church clock strike the half-hour and she counted the
three tolls. The bedroom door opened, showing a chink or light from the hall and she lay
motionless while Rachael sneaked into her bed.

“I couldn’t sleep,” the girl said as she lay beside Diane covering herself with part of the duvet.
For several minutes they both lay still, without speaking, until almost at the same time they
moved toward each other. They embraced, strongly, naked body to naked body, before
relaxing in each other’s arms, and it was like that that they fell asleep to dream in the humid
heat of the night.

XIII
Diane’s awakening was gentle and she opened her eyes in response to Rachael’s hand to find
Rachael dressed and holding a tray.

“I thought you’d like some breakfast.”

“What time is it?” she asked grogged.

“Half past ten.”

”Really? I have overslept!”

Holding the duvet to cover her breasts, she sat up and took the tray. “What’s the weather like?”

“Beautiful!” Rachael opened the curtains and window. “I didn’t know how you liked your
eggs, so I guessed. Hope they are all right. There’s more coffee if you want it.”

”Do you know, this is the first time that I have ever had breakfast in bed?”

“You deserve it! I’ll finish cleaning the sitting room.”

Before Diane could respond, Rachael left. Soon, she heard a vacuum cleaner being used and
she had finished her breakfast and set the tray aside before Rachael have returned.

“Shall we take sandwiches?” an exuberant Rachael asked.

“Sorry?”

“For the Long Mynd. You know, the picnic.”

“I hadn’t really thought about it. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. But I always get up around six.”

“Good heavens! Why?”

“I run.” Shyly, she added, “not far, only a couple of miles.”

”Rather you than me.”

“Your ought to try it.”

”No thanks, I’m happy being as I am – fat and flabby.”

Rachael laughed, gathered the tray and said, “I’ll see to this while you get dressed.”

Rachael was not an intrusion into her privacy, and Diane found it natural that she should be
around. A little diffidence remained, but it was if they had been friends for years. She emerged
dressed to find the whole house, with the exception of her bedroom, tidied and cleaned.

“Well,” explained Rachael a little embarrassed, “I woke up at six out of habit and had to do
something.”

“Do you want to telephone your parents?”

“Not really.”

”It would be best.”

”Well, if you think so.”

”You could say you were staying here for a few days – that is, if you want to.”

Rachael was ecstatic. “Can I telephone them now, then?”

“Yes, of course”

She returned dejected. “My mother wasn’t too happy. She wants me to go home.”
“And do you want to?”

”Not any more.”

”Shall we go for a walk?”

”I suppose so.”

”Rachael,” Diane said softly. “I don’t mean to interfere. You are an adult – you can make you
own decisions. You are free to do what you want. Nobody owns you – not any more anyway.
If you wanted to leave school for that matter, no one could prevent you. But if you want to
stay, do so for the right reasons, not because you are being emotionally blackmailed.”

“By my mother you mean?”

“Maybe. I don’t know, and it’s not really for me to say. You must make your own decisions.”

“I don’t want to go back home. There’s nothing for me there.

“Except a grand piano!”

Rachael laughed, “except the piano!”

Together they walked from the bungalow in the warm air of mid-Sunday morning along the
road to the Little Stretton and wooded track to Ashes Hollow, a stream filled batch between
the steeply rising hills of Grindle Hills and Yearlet. The summer’s morning was alive with
promise and the early mist had been dispersed by the sun, leaving dewy grass. The water in the
stream was low, and Rachael removed her shoes to walk barefoot. No one came along the
isolated valley to disturb them.

“Cor!” Rachael shouted, “this water’s cold!”

Under the blue sky with a wind to cool the rising heat of the sun surrounded by the nature-
filled peace of the valley, it was not long before Diane had removed her own shoes and began
walking tentatively among the stines and boulders of the stream.
It was the splash of water that Rachael threw over her that freed her and, like two friends of
the same age, they played in and with the water, chasing each other in turn, until they were
both exhausted and soaked. On the grassy bank they stretched themselves to dry.

“Do you want to do mathematics at University?” Diane asked.

There was a long pause, while Rachael ran her hand through the short, sheep-cropped grass
and a Dipper bobbed around the stream. “Not particularly. I don’t know what I want to do.”

“You could make a career as a pianist.”

Rachael laughed, but it was not a dismissive laugh. “I don’t know as if I want to, though.”

”You have ample time to decide.”

”Probably. Now I’m leaving home.”

”What would you like to do this afternoon?”

“I could stay here all day.”

”If I stay here much longer I will fall asleep.”

Rachael sat up. “I suppose we’d better go and change.”

”Hmmm.” Diane closed her eyes and Rachael crept to the stream to fill her shoe with water.
Slowly, she poured it over Diane’s head. Diane shrieked, and chased Rachael along the path. A
middle-aged man with a wizened face stood by the footbridge at the end of the path where it
grew rocks, staring with a puzzled look at the two women. They saw him and stopped their
chasing and playful yells.

“Good morning!” said Rachael loudly as they passed him.

He looked at them both quizzically, snorted and strode purposefully down the path while
Rachael and Diane laughed.
“Race you home.” Rachael said.

“It wouldn’t be a race! Perhaps if you gave me fifteen minutes start!”

“You’d be home by then.”

“Exactly!”

Barefooted they followed the track to the road and the warm pavement to Diane’s home. In
front of the driveway stood a car.

“Oh dear,” said Rachael, nodding her head toward it, “trouble!”

“Your parents?”

”My mother.”

“Rachael!” shouted her mother as they drew near, “what have you been doing?”

”Just a walk mother.”

Her mother was speedily out of the car. “Just look at you! And Miss Dietz, I’m surprised at
you!”

“Would you like to come in for some coffee?” Diane asked with a smile.

“No thank you. I came to fetch Rachael. And by the looks of things I arrived just in time.”

”Oh mother, don’t fuss!”

“Are you sure you won’t come in?” Diane asked.

“Rachael,” shouted her mother, “put your shoes on and come with me!”
Rachael held her head to one side. “No.”

Her mother looked for a moment. “What did you say?”

“I said no. I’m staying here with Diane.”

”I see! So it’s Diane now, is it? Just wait until your father hears of this!”

“I’m staying with Diane. I’m leaving home.”

”That is impossible!”

“No, it is not. I’m over sixteen.”

”You are just a child!”

Rachael turned away be her mother held her arm. “Rachael, you are coming home with me this
instant!”

“No I’m not.”

”How dare you speak to me like that! Do you forget who I am, who you are?”

But Rachael shook herself free from her mother and turned toward Diane. “I can see you have
had a hand in all this Miss Dietz.”

”Its Mrs. Dietz, actually,” corrected Rachael.

“I see!” shouted her mother embarrassed and angry. “Well, Mrs. Dietz, I am holding you
responsible for all this. Dividing our family. Rachael are you coming?”

”No! I’m not!”

“Well Miss Dietz, just wait until Mr. Thomas hears of your interference. A fine teacher you
are telling a young girl to disobey her parents!”
“Mother, that’s not fair! It was my own decision.”

”I would not at all be surprised, Miss Dietz, if you weren’t forced to resign over this.
Encouraging young girls in their lewd and sordid fantasies indeed! You should be ashamed of
yourself, corrupting a young innocent girl. You are not fit to be a teacher! “

Diane smile only served to make her more angry. She got into her car a slammed the door.
“Rachael! For the last time are you coming home?”

”No.”

”Just wait, Miss Dietz! I am not without influence with the School Governors, you know!”
Then: “You .....!” She was too angry to speak, and drove away.

“I’m very sorry,” Rachael said when she and Diane were safely in the house.

“Don’t worry,” smiled Diane. “It will be all right, I’m sure. Come on, we’ll get changed.”

”But she said you’d get the sack.”

”I’d resign first.”

“But you can’t. You haven’t done anything!”

“That’s not what other people will think.”

”I don’t really care what they think. You can’t resign. I won’t let you. I’d go back home first.”

”It probably won’t come to anything. Just a little storm in a big teacup.”

”You don’t know my mother! She won’t give up. It’s not fair!”

“Would you like a shower or a bath?”

“If I wasn’t your pupil there is nothing anyone could do, it there?”
“But you are and there is.”

”But if I left school…”

“But you can’t.”

”Why not? You yourself said I could. Anyway, I can and I’m going to!”

“But Rachael – “

“I’ll get a scholarship to the Royal College of Music!”

“I couldn’t let you do that.”

“Unless I wanted to.”

”Rachael – “

Very quietly, Rachael said, “I don’t want to leave you. You must realize I love you.”

The Beethoven, the playfulness by the stream, Rachael’s mother, Rachael’s offer and her
pleasing words, were too much for Diane and she turned away.

“I – “ began Rachael. “I’m sorry if I’ve – if I have offended you. I thought – “

Diane did not look at her. “You haven’t.”

Rachael’s voice was tearful. “I assumed we –“ nervously she smiled. “Perhaps I ought to go
home.”

The battle was hopelessly lost, for Diane could not bear to inflict upon Rachael more agony.
She turned to see Rachael’s face contorted between anticipation and terror of rejection, and her
embrace of Rachael relieved her of suppressed emotion as much as it made Rachael happy.

For several minutes they stood in each other’s arms, swaying slightly while sun leaked to them
from the window in the hall.
“I don’t want you to go: I don’t want you to go.” Diane said. Then: “I really think we should
get changed.”

They parted, but held hands. “What shall I wear?” Rachael asked, looking at her sodden dress.

“I have a few clothes which might fit. You’re a bit larger than me, though.”

Rachael looked down at her breasts and giggled. “I meant what I said you know. About
leaving school.”

”It probably won’t be necessary.”

”But if it is – I will do it.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes I do. I want to. Because I want to stay with you, Diane. Always.”

Diane held Rachael’s hand tighter. She felt a great love inside her and the sadness of losing
Leonie had been immeasurable reduced. But she was afraid.

“You can stay here as long as you wish,” she said, “whatever happens.”

Several strands of Rachael’s dark hair were stuck by sweat to her forehead and Diane brushed
them tenderly aside before Rachael kissed her fingers.

“I shall buy you a piano!” she said, blushing and embarrassed.

“And I shall play for you in the evening when we are alone.”

”When will you collect your belongings?”

Rachael shrugged. “Today, tomorrow, I don’t care.”

”Fine. Now will you change your clothes?” she said jovially.

“I’m just going, Miss” replied Rachael sarcastically. “Please don’t beat me!” She laughed and
ran into the bathroom.

She was sitting among the perfumed foam when Diane entered bearing clothes.

“Diane,” she began with an enchanting smile that belied her age. “Will you bath me?”

Diane was trembling, but she laid the clothes aside long enough to kneel beside the bath and
kiss Rachael lightly on the cheek. On the roof of the house, several jackdaws fought.

XIV

The invitation, or rather command, had not been long in coming upon Diane’s arrival at
school, and she sat in Thomas’s office while he studied some notes on his desk. Outside
children played beneath a branding sun.

“Now, Diane,” he smiled, neatly folding his spectacles before wiping his brow of sweat. “Mrs.
Paulding, as you may know, has, er, been in contact with me regarding her daughter, Rachael.”

”I thought she might.”

”It seems, from what she had told me, that Rachael is staying with you against her parent’s
wishes. Is that so?”

”Yes.”

”Diane – I will be honest with you. I am in a difficult, not to mention delicate situation, as I am
sure you appreciate. On one side, there is Mrs. Paulding; on the other, you. Mrs. Paulding has,
shall we say, made some serious allegations.”

”About me and Rachael, I presume.”

”I’m afraid so. And since Rachael is a pupil – “

”She isn’t.”

”Pardon?”

”She isn’t a pupil anymore. She had decided to leave school.”

”Do her parents know of this?”

”She telephoned them this morning.”

”I see.” He fumbled with some notes on his desk. “Is that Rachael’s own decision?”

”Yes. Nothing I could do to dissuade her.”

”But is she, er, staying with you?”

Without rancor, Diane said, “I know what you are implying. But it is not like that at all. She is
simply staying with me because she has left home and has nowhere else to go – at the
moment.”

”I would like to believe – “

”But you know that I am a lesbian.”

”No! No! Good heavens! I didn’t mean to imply – “

”That I am corrupting Rachael?”

”Diane,” he smiled kindly at her. “I know you well enough after – what is it? Six years? – to
know that you are a very professional teacher.”

”I’m prepared to resign,” she said slowly and mutely.

“Come now! I won’t hear of it!”

“But – “

”We can sort this out, between the two of us.”

”But the Board of School Governors – “

Thomas smiled – a strange smile, mixing benevolence with occult knowledge. “I am sure I can
come to some arrangement. With Mrs. Paulding. No need to involve anyone else. Would it be
possible for me to speak with Rachael?”

“Of course. Do you want her to come here?”

Thomas pondered. “No. It would perhaps be best away from school.”

”Mr. Thomas?” asked Diane shyly.

“Hmm?”

”Can I ask you a personal question?”

”You mean why am I, as Headmaster of a vast and sometimes incomprehensible

Comprehensive school, going to such trouble for you?”

”Well, yes.”

”It is simple really.” He smiled his strange smile. “You are a good teacher. But perhaps most
of all – the pupils like you. Strange that, are rare, believe me. But – “

“But?”

”I realize that you are undergoing a difficult period in your life – what with you marriage and
everything – but you should perhaps be more, shall we say, discreet?”

“And not become involved with pupils?”

“Precisely.”

”I never have before and never intend to again.”

”Good. I can help this time. There will not be another, believe me. The last thing we as a
school need is another scandal,” he said abstractly. One was enough.

A year ago, one of the male teachers had had an affair with a female student. When it became
known, he had left in haste, leaving the girl and her baby, to find employment in a large city in
America, a suitable place many agreed.

“No,” said Thomas, shaking his head, “Not another scandal.” He thought for a moment. “It
may be necessary for Rachael to leave. Would she have obtained her ‘A’ levels?”

”Definitely! Good grades, probably.”

”I will talk with her tonight – “ His telephone rang.

“Mr. Thomas speaking… Hello Rosalind! I’ve just heard.” He covered the mouthpiece with
his hand and said to Diane, “I’ll call after school.”

”Fine!” She smiled at him to find Watts lurking outside the door.

“I’ve heard,” he said perfunctorily.

“How?” Diane was surprised.

Watts tapped his nose with his forefinger. “Shall I just say a middle aged witch told me.”

Diane watched him suspiciously. “What have you been up to now?”

“Come to dinner tonight and I’ll explain everything.”

”I can’t. Mr. Thomas is coming to see Rachael.”

”Lunch then?”

Diane was intrigued and said, “Yes.”

The morning passed painfully slow for Diane. She expected her classes to be interrupted by
Mr. Thomas who would ask for an urgent meeting. Or Mrs. Paulding would rush in, pointing
the accusing finger and shout, “you lesbian! Corrupting my daughter!”

Yet, because she was an accomplished teacher, and she actually cared for the children she
taught more than she cared about the teaching staff or what they thought or said, she was able
to teach as if nothing had happened, as if it was another Monday morning like any other –
except the last week of term and exceptionally hot. Only one blemish marked her morning.

As she walked to meet Watts by the double glass doors that fronted the school and overlooked
the car park and Windmill Hill and near where school buses thronged at the beginning and
ending of the day, Bryan accosted her.

“Miss,” he asked, “is it true that Rachael has left?”

She looked at him, amazed. “News travels fast, I see.”

“Her parents told me.”

”When?”

”I saw them at break.”

”Here?”

”Sure! Going into the Crater – I mean Mr. Thomas’ room.”

”Oh, I see. She might be leaving. I really don’t know yet.”

”Probably the best thing that could happen.”

”What?”

”Her leaving. I mean, like getting a scholarship in music.”

”Bryan – “

”Sorry Miss,” he smirked, “got to dash!” He ran to join the throng of children bound for the
refectory.

Watts was waiting by his new car and she allowed him to close the door as he seated himself.

“And where,” he asked, touching his forelock, “would Madam like to be driven today?”

She waved her hand imperiously, “That way, my man.”

”Very good, Madam!” he saluted.

He took them through the town, along a few twisty lanes all neatly hedged, to an isolated
country Inn. A few cars were beside the lofty Oak outside and in the cool if dim and
modernized interior they sat with their drinks.

“Well?” she asked before drinking most of her cider.

“Eh?” groaned Watts obtusely.

“Any idea why Leonie did not come in this morning?”

“No.” He drank his pint of ale in a few gulps, burped and said, “It’s me charm which get ‘em!
You any idea?”

”About Leonie? No, she wasn’t in when I telephoned this morning.”

“With the bastard Apthone, no doubt.”

”Probably.” She finished her cider.

“Like another?”

”Not for me. I can’t teach well if I have too much to drink.”

”Huh! I can’t teach without too much!” He loped to the bar taking almost half of its width, and
returned with a mug of dark brew and plate of sandwiches.

Diane snatched most of the sandwiches from the plate. “You were going to tell me about Mr.
Thomas.”

”Was I now? Did you see Morgan this fine morning?”

“No. She kept out of my way.”

”Not surprising really,”

”Mr. Thomas?”

”Nay, lass, me name be Watts. ‘Thumper’ for them as ‘have a care.”

She clutched his mug. “Are you going to tell me or do I shampoo your hair?”

Watts chuckled, rather loudly. “Not the dreaded beer over the hair ploy! All right, I give in, I’ll
tell you.” He squinted at her. “There was gossip a few years back about him and Rachael’s
mother.”
Diane was astonished. “Really? I never heard about it.”

”Yep. ‘cause,” he smiled, “it might not be true.”

”And?”

”You know me! I went to him and said, nudge, nudge, wink, wink – “

“You’re showing your age now.”

He ignored the remark. “I said to him, straight like, ‘Create quite a scandal, a story like that.
And you a Headmaster.’ And he said, “well I’ll know whom to thank’ and gave me a straight
look.” He waited for the accolade. There was no response, so he said, “I think he got the
message.”

He finished his beer. “You’ll be all right.”

Diane understood only too well. Outside, the sun shone bright and hot while a lark sang above
a field. On the road a car passed while sunlight glinted upon glass.

Diane sighed. “You really shouldn’t have.”

Watts shrugged. “What the hell? I did it because you’re a friend, not because of what you are
thinking.”

”Was there any truth in the rumour?”

“About the boss and Rosalind?”

”Yes.”

He smirked again. “Who can say?”

”You can I am sure.”

”Just between you and me and the rest of the staff, of course, there was a lot of truth in it.”

”How do you know?”

”Shall we get back?”

”If you like.”

”I’ve something to give you when we get back to school.”

”What?”

”Wait and see.”

They returned through the Shropshire landscape in silence. Watts occupied, as well he might
be, with his maniacal driving, Diane with her sombre thoughts. Two children were fighting by
the main door when they returned but when Diane instinctively went toward them Watts held
her back. He handed her a small neatly wrapped package.

“Open it when I’m gone,” he said and strode off to lift the two boys with bloody noses straight
into the air and carry them bodily into the foyer.

Inside the package, wrapped in a small, embroidered silk purse, was a sapphire engagement
ring.

XV

Diane had spent the afternoon trying to avoid Watts, and she was glad when school finished.
Unusually, she felt no desire to retire to the relative peace of the staff room, as was her habit,
to drink coffee, talk a little or mark some of the children’s exercise books from the inevitable
pile that had collected during the day. Instead, she hurried in the tropical humidity toward her
car while school buses siphoned the children away.

The sameness of her journey make it uneventful, but she stopped by the side of the road near
the rocky outcrop of Hope Bowdler Hill before the Greenock road cut its way down to the
Stretton valley. Clouds gathered to obscure a little of the Stretton valley and she could smell
ozone among the wind-borne smells of summer.
Slowly, she began to realize that little that was real or natural bound her to the land on which
she lived, still less to the surroundings of her school. She and her fellow teachers formed a
cabal – a sort of sub-community within the boundaries of Greenock, Shrewsbury and Stretton.
Most of her own friends were teachers from the school, and almost all of her social life
involved them, the parents or school events. She, and the others like her, had little contact with
the community from which the children came. She did not live among her pupils, and indeed
the school was too large for her to know all of them personally, as she wished. The school day
ended, and she was gone, shut up in her house or with her friends while her children carried on
their lives, in a little sub-society all their own. Children came to her eleven years old and she
taught them, watched them, and worried about them for five, six, and soon seven years. And
then they left. Sometimes a little card, or a meeting by chance. But they were gone; lost to her
world of village, town and school. The thought made her sad, but she knew no solutions and,
under the gathering gloom, drove slowly home.

Rachael was waiting, her hair plaited, her body clothed in a bright cotton dress, and as soon as
Diane opened the door, Rachael embraced her.

“Mr. Thomas is coming,” Diane said.

“I know. My mother telephoned.” She took Diane’s handbag. “Come and sit down. I’ve made
some coffee.”

”That’s kind of you. Have you changed your mind?”

”About what?”

“School, of course.”

”No.” She brought coffee and demurely offered Diane a piece of cake. “Hope you like it.”

Diane held the cake suspiciously, then thought better about making the joke. “Hmm,” she said
truthfully, “it is delicious! You are lovely!”

“I suppose,” said Rachael sullenly, holding her head in her hands as she sat next to Diane on
the sofa, “Mr. Thomas will try and persuade me.”

”Probably.”
”My mother wasn’t angry, you know.”

”Oh?”

”Yes. Quite calm about it all. Strange, really.”

”I suppose she’s realized that you are a young woman, not her little girl.”

”Your husband called this afternoon. Seemed surprised to find me here.”

Diane smiled. “Good!”

“He left his door keys.”

”Did he say what he wanted?”

”Just some wheels – for his bicycle I think.”

“That fits! Did he say anything else?””

”Don’t think so. Oh yes, he left you a note.”

With supine agility that Diane admired, Rachael leapt from the sofa and extracted the letter
from the mantelpiece.

‘Diane,’ it read. ‘I will call tomorrow to collect the rest of my belongings. Sorry things did not
work out and thanks for your kind letter.’

Diane screwed the letter up and threw it toward the empty fireplace. She missed and Rachael
had moved to retrieve it when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll go!” said Rachael excitedly.

“Rachael!” Diane heard Thomas say, “how nice to see you!”

“It’s Mr. Thomas,” said Rachael unnecessarily, as she let him into the room.
“Well now, Rachael,” he said as he sat down. “You know why I have come to see you?”

“Yes.”

”And you are still of the opinion that you want to leave?”

“Yes.”

Diane stood up. “Would you like some coffee?”

”I’ll be in the kitchen,” Diane said.

“Diane,” said Thomas, “there is no need for you to leave, I assure you.”

”Mr. Thomas,” Rachael said.

“Yes Rachael?”

“I’m not going back.”

”But why? You have your ‘A’ levels next year.”

”I don’t want to.” She looked at Diane. “Besides, I can’t live with Diane – Mrs. Dietz - if I’m
at school, can I?”

”Well,” muttered Thomas, “it would be highly unusual.”

”I’m not ashamed to say that being here is more important to me than going to school or taking
examinations.”

”I see.” He looked owlishly at Diane before smiling at Rachael. “And what will you do? For a
career, I mean?”

”I haven’t decided yet. I may not need one. But I could try for an RCM scholarship. In the
meantime, I thought I would study privately, and still take my exams.”

”I see.” He smiled benevolently. “You seem to have thought everything out.”

”Yes, I have.”

”Well, you could not have a better tutor!”

“Has my mother spoken to you?”

”Naturally.” He stared at the carpet and shuffled his feet. “She realizes that you are old enough
to make you own decisions about your future. She would still like you to go home, of course.”

“There’s no chance of that.”

“No, that’s what I thought. Well, I’d best be on my way.” He stood up and shook Rachael’s
hand. “I wish you well for the future. You are in good hands.”

Rachael blushed. “Thanks.”

“I’ll show you out,” said Diane.

At the door, Thomas said, “I’m well satisfied. I do not anticipate any problems – with the
school, at least. Diane,” he whispered, “it may not be any of my business, but she is very
young.”

”Does she look happy to you?”

”Well, yes. Very much so, in fact.”

”You have answered your own unasked question then.”

Thomas appeared a little embarrassed. “Well, goodbye then. See you tomorrow, as usual!” he
said cheerfully.

“Yes.” She watched him walk to his car before closing the door.

“I’m glad that’s over!” said Rachael.

“So am I!”

“I was trembling all over.”

”Honestly? I thought you were very self-possessed.”

Rachael laughed. “I feel really free! And happy!” She danced around the room shouting “I’m
happy! I’m free!”

“Fancy a walk?”

Rachael stopped, stared out of the window and scowled. “It’s going to pour!”

“I’m game if you are. I am not afraid of the rain, even if you are,” said Diane playfully.

“Where do you want to go then?”

”Top of the Mynd?”

”Suits me. It will be nice and windy up there!”

They decided against the car and walked into the town along the High Street to take the road to
the Burway. By the cattle grid that stopped the spread of detached houses and signified the
beginning of the moorland, they left along a track to follow the path by the stream in
Townbrook valley. The hills rose steeply on either side, fledged in green and sheep while the
sky above grew darker and distant thunder rolled.

The thunder alarmed Rachael a little, and she threaded her fingers into Diane’s as they passed
almost four hundred feet below Devil’s Mouth, its scree and frost broken boulders scattering
the hill. The upward path of cracked, bare and brown earth led them past the growing ferns
toward the greenish-gray siltstones of the Long Synalds heights.

It was an isolated spot, well known to Diane, and overlooked the small, spreading valleys that
fed the stream in Ashes Hollow. Behind them, the hill rose steadily until it became the levelled
plateau of Mynd top.

Thunder violet threatened them above as lightning forked, striking higher ground. Almost
instantaneously the clap of thundering air, which shook them as they huddled close to the
ground. The Mynd seemed to vibrate in response as Rachael screamed amid the large drops of
rain. Another flash, nearer, as rain and thunder battered them and ozone seared the sky. The
darkness of rain and closing cloud was ominous.

But Diane was a dark goddess; imbued with the storm’s power and she laughed and beat her
fists into the soaking earth. The storm was her storm and would not – could not – harm them.
Its power was hers, but she let it break itself over the town and hills beyond. Then, both she
and Rachael were laughing – a strange laugh, redolent of Dionysus, perhaps, or an ancient
witches’ meet. Rain soaked them, but they did not care. They alone were alive in a world of
the dead.

Slowly, their demonic life-enhancing ecstasy ebbed with the passing of the storm, and they
were left to find their way down the hill while their bodies tingled and their sense of reality
returned.

“You realize,” Rachael said as they trod the street into the town, “we are bound together now.
Beyond even our own death.”

It was not a strange thing to say, and it did not sound strange to Diane. Somewhere, alone their
walk into the storm they had crossed into another world.

“I know,” she replied. The bonds that had bound her to Leonie were broken and her own fear
of becoming deeply involved with Rachael had vanished, as the lightning had vanished,
sending only a distant thunder while they walked.

They were both removing their sodden clothes when Diane’s doorbell rang. It was Leonie, and
Diane, in her dressing gown, stared at her with a mixture of welcome and annoyance.

“Leonie,” she finally said, “come in.”

Hurriedly, Rachael wrapped a towel around her body.

Leonie stared at Diane for a second, and then said, “I can’t stay long. The children are in the
car. Hello Rachael.”

“Hello Miss,” said Rachael shyly and locked herself in the bathroom.
“I just came to tell you,” said Leonie sadly, “that Richard asked me to marry him – and I said I
might. Only – “

”Only?”

”I thought we – “ she hesitated, then added, “but I see I was wrong.”

Diane held her arm. “Leonie. You know I didn’t want you to become involved with Apthone
again.”

“He needs me,” she said gently.

“For God’s sake! No he doesn’t! Not in the way you believe. He’s just using you – again!”

“That’s unkind of you.” She shook Diane’s hand off her arm.

“No it’s not.”

”You have never liked him, have you?”

”No!”

“I thought we understood one another.”

”We can’t – with Apthone in the way.”

”I will probably marry him. He’s very kind and gentle.”

Suddenly Diane was angry. “Look!” she pointed to the wall of her hall. “See those stains? Do
you know whose blood it is? Well, I’ll tell you! It’s your bloody, beloved Apthone! You know
the night of his accident?” she was re-living the terror and the words would not be silenced.
“He came here, your precious and gentle Richard, and tried to rape me!”

Leonie stepped backwards, holding her hands to her face. “It’s not true!” she said weakly. “I
don’t believe you.”

Diane shook her head. The anger and terror and repressed guilt had gone and softly she said, “I
really don’t care if you believe me or not.”

“You only said it because you hate him,” pleaded Leonie, half to herself.

“Leonie – I didn’t …”

Leonie was crying. “I don’t want to talk to you,” she said and ran out of the room.

Diane was about to follow when she heard Rachael behind her.

“Diane, I couldn’t help overhearing.”

Leonie had driving away and Diane closed the door.

“It was true, wasn’t it?” asked Rachael, “what you said.”

Diane nodded and began to cry. “I shouldn’t have told her I know. But I was so angry.”

Rachael came to her and held her hand. “I hope I didn’t embarrass you.”

Diane stopped crying. “Embarrass me?”

”By being here – with no clothes on.”

Diane was moved by Rachael’s gentle innocence and embraced her. “Rachael, my darling,
nothing you could do, would embarrass me.”

”I can think of something,” she said with a modest smile before loosening Diane’s dressing
gown and bending down to kiss her breast. Diane was trembling, and slowly Rachael let the
gown fall to the floor before she led Diane toward the bed.

XVI
Exceptionally, Diane did not wish to leave for school. For a long time she lay in bed, Rachael
curled up asleep beside her. She wanted to stay with Rachael, spend the day with her, for
school seemed charmless, a charade full of children in adult bodies playing indoor games.

Rachael seemed to make everything clear; there was no guile in her, only a trusting innocence
that Diane loved and wanted to cherish and protect. Last night after Rachael had broken the
barrier which Diane herself had feared to break, it had seemed, many times, that she and
Rachael were not different people. There was no question of identity, no barriers of any kind at
all and they did not have to speak to understand each other’s needs. A look, a vague smile…
And she found it difficult to believe, in the hazy light of morning, that Rachael was so young.
An instinct seem to guide Rachael and her body so that she gave to Diane a divine and
physical ecstasy such as she had never before experienced.

With Rachael, all her own insights and experiences – the path by the Severn, the Long Mynd,
the storm, even her planned revenge on Apthone – seemed to possess her again with a force all
their own, as if Rachael, just by loving so selflessly, transformed those insights into reality and
suddenly it occurred to Diane that she had never been in love before. Always, with her
husband, with Leonie, a part of her had been detached and critical just as a part had not
surrendered for fear of being hurt. But with Rachael, everything was easy and natural and she
wanted to find some form, some suitable expression, with which to represent her love. She
wanted to hold Rachael in her arms, cry and laugh at the same time and tell her that she loved
her as she had never loved anyone before.

Through and because of Rachael, she possessed everything she had even dreamt about, and
beside this young and beautiful woman, men seemed a pale, distorted flicker. Rachael fulfilled
the deepest longings Diane had ever nurtured.

She kissed her, softly, before stretching and leaving the room to dress. On the kitchen table,
laid and make ready by Rachael the night before without Diane’s knowledge, she found,
propped up on a vase containing a single white rose, a note. ‘Diane’ it said simply in Rachael’s
italic hand, ‘I love you.’ Diane was overwhelmed, and crept back to the bedroom to steal a
look at her sleeping lover.

It was nearing eight o’clock when she was prepared. Rachael, unusually, still slept, and,
closing the kitchen door, she used the extension to make her telephone call. Calculated deceit
was alien to her and she was shaking when she dialled Fisher’s number.
“Hello? Diane here. Sorry to bother you, but just rang to say I won’t be in until after ten this
morning. Can you get someone to look in on my lower sixth group? Good…. Sorry about the
short notice but – “ she hurriedly thought of some excuse, “ – I have a dental appointment. I’d
forgotten about it!” she laughed to give credence to her lie.

Diane was still trembling when she closed the door and walked to her car. No mist blighted the
sky as no regret blighted Diane.

Shrewsbury was busy with commuter traffic and she followed the road over English Bridge,
round the Town Walls, and Quarry, along the river until she drove past the stone memorial to
Hotsper to park on a side street. For over half an hour she sat on the grass where the tall spire
of St. Margaret’s church shadowed squat buildings while the road channelled traffic down
toward Wyle Cop Hill. She enjoyed quietly watching the people rush along the pavements,
buses stop to empty and fill, cars to pass, and was almost sad when the time came for her to
leave.

She waited outside the shop on Dogpole, while heavy lorries beat upon the narrow road, until
its myopic, stooped owner opened, reluctantly, it seemed, his door.

“Can I help you Madam?” he smiled.

“I hope so!” Diane said confidently. “I want to buy the best piano you have in stock.”

The man’s eyes brightened, and he wrung his hands. “Certainly Madam! But we do not carry a
large stock.” He sighed. “All we have at the moment is this Baby Grand.” He patted it gently.
“Would you like to try it? It has lovely tone. Actually, I’m very fond of it myself, but get so
little time to practice, these days.”

“I’ll take it.”

The man raised his eyebrows. “I could play a little, if you wish.”

”No, really, it looks perfect. When can you deliver?”

He scratched his nose. “Toward the end of the week?”

”How about today? I don’t care what it costs.”

”Of course, Madam. If you are sure.”

Quickly, she wrote out the cheque and handed it to the man.

“But Madam – “ he protested when he looked.

“I’ll leave you to fill out the amount. You can send the bill. You’ll want the address, of
course.”

”Yes, Madam.”

She wrote it on the back of her cheque. The man stared at the check, then at her. “A present!”
she said.”

“Yes, of course, Madam. We do provide free tuning for a year. I myself – “

“Splendid! What time will you deliver?”

”What time would be most convenient?”

”Four this afternoon.”

”I am sure that can be arranged.”

”Splendid…and,” she added, “I assure you the cheque will not bounce. You can telephone my
bank, if you wish. Or I can go to the bank now and withdraw the amount in cash, if you prefer.”

“There is no need for that Madam, I assure you.” He scratched his nose. “If you could provide
me with a telephone number where you can be reached during the day. Only if an unforeseen
problem arises, I assure you.”

”Yes, of course.” She wrote the telephone number of the school on her cheque. “Well,
goodbye.”

“But Madam,” he protested as she made for the door, “don’t you want to know how much it
will cost?”

”Not really,” she smiled and left.

She was trembling as she walked toward the High Street. Soon, she had arranged the transfer
of all her savings. Wistfully she knew it might not be enough, but did not care. It was
irrelevant compared to Rachael’s happiness and she smiled as she tramped along the streets to
her car, singing softly to herself.

On her return to school she found Watts and Morgan in the staff room alone. But they could
not spoil her bliss and she walked toward Morgan while Watts eyed her hopefully from his
corner.

“Well,” she said jovially to Morgan, “I hope you take care of him.”

”I was a bit worried – “

”About me? Don’t be! As long as you are both happy, what’s the problem?”

“I thought – “

“Do you love him?”

Morgan gave a little smile. “I think so.”

”Has he mentioned marriage?”

”Yes. But I’m not sure. It’s too soon.”

Diane touched her on the arm. “Take your time and learn to be happy. Are you interested in
cycling?”

”Only a little.”

”Well, there’s hope then.”

”Diane, why are you being so – so nice?”

Diane laughed. “Simple! Because it makes people happy. It is really easy to be happy.”

Morgan shook her head. “I don’t understand you.”

”Nothing to understand, really,” Diane quipped before turning towards Watts.

He grinned at her. “Did you like it?”

She sat down beside him. “Yes. But look, Alex, I don’t want to hurt you – “

”But you are going to anyway.”

She shrugged. Morgan was making some exercise books, but Diane still whispered. “You
know what I am.”

”Part of you perhaps.”

”No, Alex. All of me. I care for you, very much, but I could never become involved as you
wish.”

“I’ve loved you for years. Since the first day I met you.”

”Please,” she sighed, “I’m living with Rachael.”

”Temporarily, I assumed.”

”No, permanently. You might not understand, but we love each other.”

”What! You and Rachael? She is only a child!”

“I don’t want to talk about it any more.”

”I won’t give up,” he insisted.

She removed his ring from her handbag. When she held it out, he pushed her hand away.

“You keep it.”

”I can’t.”

”Yes you can. Why do you think I have never married?”

”Please,” she pleaded. Then: “But I thought you loved Leonie?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But only because she reminded me of you.”

”Why don’t you fight for her?”

“Maybe.” He stood up. “You keep the ring.” Then without rancour, but with his lopsided
smile, he said, “give it to Rachael.”

Before she could reply he had walked away and out of the room. Morgan was smiling at her,
but she could not have been more wrong.

XVII

The bulbous red sun was still hidden behind the height of Caer Caradoc when Diane and
Rachael began their journey. No traffic blighted the road and in the cool respite of an early
dawn the world seemed quiet and quite dead.

Diane could not afford the holiday, but she did not care. The piano had been delivered, as
promised, and Diane remembered how Rachael had laughed, then cried and enfolded her in
kisses when she had returned, a little weary, from school. All evening she played, creating
through her music a magic spell that bound Diane and made her a prisoner of love and desire.
Then, at last, an exhausted Rachael, her body and dress drenched in sweat, had held her hand
and said, “Now I want to give you something special.” Her body still ached, a little, from the
passion of Rachael’s love.

The hours brought the heat and the traffic and both were relieved to leave the car when they
arrived at the Yorkshire hamlet of Gilling. To the north, less than a mile distant, were the
North Yorkshire moors while to the south, the plain of York whose fertile land had been
farmed for millennia. There was nothing unique or even interesting about the village – a few
stone build houses gather around a dip in the road from Helmsley to York – but for Diane it
was special. Not simply because a mile away to the northwest lay the imposing while stone
buildings of Ampleforth Abbey with its community of Benedictine monks, but also because of
the surrounding lakes and forest, once part of the wealthy Fairfax estate and now managed by
the monastery. For her, discovered by chance while at University, it was a place where she
could relax, untroubled by crowds of people, and where, after a walk in the forest, she could sit
in the monastic choir with its carved oak stalls, and listen to the beauty of Gregorian chant. But
perhaps the most fitting of all, she could swim privately in the icy coldness of the lakes.
The cottage guesthouse was Spartan, but clean, and they unpacked hastily in their shared room
before briskly walking along the narrow track to the lakes. On one side, the forest, on the
other, grazing fields, the monastery and its enclosing large Public School.

“It seems very peaceful,” Rachael said, stroking her amber necklace.

“Is it – even during term time when the boys are here.”

”A shame about the trees.”

”Sorry?”

”The trees.” Behind the roadside deciduous fringe, a conifer plantation grew. “Shame it is so
dead within.”

”By the lake – “

“It is different!” said Rachael confidently.

“Yes.”

”I bet it has a dark history.”

”I wouldn’t know.”

”Up there, on the hill, where the broken tree grows.”

They walked in silence to the lake. It was a small lake, girdled with trees and reed and a rotten
jetty pointed like a broken finger toward its heart. But there was silence and a pale blue sky
while water rippled, slowly.

They undressed and swam naked, racing each other to and from the jetty to where a small
rusty buoy was anchored, until tired with the effort and by the cold of the water, their laughter
and the long journey, they lay on the mossy bank to dry beneath the summer sun.

“If we hurry,” Diane said as Rachael stretched herself like a cat, “we might be in time for
Vespers.”
Dressed, but not dry, they walked the mile or so to the monastery through the large expanse of
rugby fields until, in the slanting shadows, they stood below the church while crows flocked
noisily above the stone.

“Come on!” chided Diane as she climbed the steps to the church.

Rachael shook her head. “I’d rather not go in.”

”Why ever not?”

”I’m afraid places like this give me the creeps – always have done.” She shivered.

“You should have said! I’d never have dragged you all this way.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

”Anyway,” smiled Diane, “it doesn’t matter and I’m hungry.”

Arm-in-arm, they returned to their lodging.

The next day began the pattern which they were to follow for the remainder of their stay. They
would rise late from their bed and after a large breakfast walk among the forest and hills, often
silent, but sometimes sharing through their words their private thoughts and dreams, fascinated
as new lovers are by each other. They talked, played, walked or sat, touching, sharing every
experience: the damp feel of rotting wood, the dew of the grass, the joy of watching a deer, the
naming of wild flowers. Their afternoon was spent swimming and lying in the tessellated
lakeside sun while the earth moved imperceptibly toward dark. It was sufficient for them to be
together, close enough to touch, and it did not occur to either that such exclusive closeness
might restrict. In the evening, they would lock their bedroom door and exhaust themselves
with love. Not once did they visit the Abbey, and the days with their sameness soon passed,
bringing to both security and great joy. Rachael, with her sometimes sombre thoughts, bound
herself physically, emotionally and mentally to Diane. Diane was everything to her: lover,
sister, husband and wife. The labels, and the roles of the world, which they hid, were
meaningless for them, and it never occurred to either of them that there was anything unnatural
about their relationship. No barriers, reminded and no guilt bound them just as no thought
restricted.
They would dress to please each other, perfume their bodies richly, and sometimes, soak into
the pores of their body the heady scent of forest or lakeside earth. The earth, with its canopy of
trees spread full for summer, the reedy depths of the lake, the sun and scarce breeze, even the
moon of morning, served them, offering gifts, nurturing the divine. No music sufficed for their
feelings, no words could represent their joy.

Once, when the sun made long shadows by the road and dust dried their mouths, they had left
in their car for an Inn. It was an old Inn, gabled and small, and they sat in the corner, cleanly
dressed but scented of earth, their faces blushed and burned by both sun and lake water, while
tourist men fresh from tourist cars stared and local men surmised.

They had allowed themselves to be brought drinks, a meal they did not need, while the two
vultures in perfumed shirts that had sought them out preened and fed their minds with glee at
the promise of the night. Under the table, Diane caressed Rachael’s leg with her foot.

“Well,” she said finally, “we’d better go.”

A vulture grinned. “Shall we drive you home? I have my Mercedes outside..”

Rachael, Diane knew, understood, and wickedly she said, “Well, we are staying at the Grange
– The Abbey guest house.” She told the lie well.

“Yes,” a leering face said, its moustache twitching, “I know it.”

”If,” whispered Diane, “you want to see us, come after eleven tonight. We’ll leave the doors
open. I’m in number 17, second floor.”

“And I,” smiled Rachael, “am in 19.”

Outside, in the privacy of their car, Rachael said, “That was very naughty of you!”

“Awful wasn’t it?”

”But I enjoyed it.”

”So did I!”

“Did you see their faces when you gave them your room number?
“Yes! I thought they were going to wet themselves.”

They laughed, and waved at the two men dallying between the Inn and a Mercedes car before
driving away, pleased and satisfied with their ploy.

It had been the happiest week of both their lives, and both were sombre when the morning of
their departure arrived. “We must never part!” Rachael had said and clung to Diane before the
long and tedious journey that returned them to their home. It was significant, both felt, that on
their return cloud came, bringing a steady drizzle of rain.

On the floor of their hall, scattered by the letterbox, three handwritten notes lay, but Diane had
time only to retrieve one of them before the telephone rang.

“Hello,” Rachael said. Then, sadly, “It’s Leonie - for you.”

“Hello, Leonie, Diane.” She held Rachael’s hand while she talked. “Yes, we’re back. What?
When? … I see. Yes, of course, I’ll come.”

Rachael was looking at her expectantly. “It’s Apthone,” Diane said, “he’s dead.”

In the dim light of late evening, Diane was certain she saw Rachael smile.

XVIII

“I would like you to come,” said Diane. “Very much.”

”I – I don’t know,” replied Rachael shyly. “I might be in the way.”

”You,” Diane said kissing her, “could never be in the way as far as I am concerned.”

Rachael smiled. “I was a little jealous when she telephoned.”

”No one is more important to me than you.”

”I know really. I just like to hear you say it, that’s all.”

They departed immediately and it was dark and still raining when they arrived to find Leonie
and her house in a state of confusion.

“Children are in bed,” she said her face drawn. Nervously, she bit her nails, “Diane, I am so
glad you came!”

Leonie moved forward, but Diane stepped back. “I brought Rachael with me – I hope you
don’t mind.”

”No. I wondered if you would.” Her voice trembled. “Come in, both of you.”

Diane sat on the edge of the sofa while Rachael stood in a shadowed corner of the room
fingering her amber necklace.

“When did he die?” Diane asked.

“The day before yesterday. It was awful!” She sobbed a little, then smiled.

“Has no one been to see you since?”

”Yes.” She lit a cigarette and blew the smoke away. “Alex. He was with me just before
Richard….”

”Has anyone seen to the funeral arrangements?”

”I don’t know.” Leonie tried to control her shaking hands, and partially succeeded. “Alex
mentioned something.”

”Is there anything I can do?”

Leonie smiles. “It is nice you just being here.”

”Perhaps it was all for the best.”

”Don’t say that Diane!” Leonie started crying.

The memory of their love returned to Diane, but she ignored her feelings and, in atonement,
handed Leonie her handkerchief.

“Thanks.” Then, to Rachael, “You must think me silly.”

Rachael came forward and to Diane’s astonishment kissed Leonie on the cheek.

“No, I don’t” she said. She astonished Diane even more when she said, “Do you want us to
stay here – for the night, I mean?”

“No,” smiled Leonie, holding Rachael’s hand. “That’s very kind, but I’ll be all right. Alex –
Mr. Watts – said he’s calling round later to see how I am.” She returned the handkerchief
before saying, “Would you like something to drink?”

Rachael and Diane looked at each other. Diane said, “No, not for me.”

”Rachael?”

“No, thanks. We had something on the way down.

“Of course,” said Leonie, “You’ve just got back, haven’t you?”

”Yes.” It was Diane who answered but Rachael who yawned.

The ringing chimes of the doorbell startled Leonie. “I’ll go!” offered Rachael.

Watts blocked the doorframe and smiled broadly. “Rachael!” he said loudly, “You look more
beautiful every time I see you.”

Rachael curled her lip, but he did not wait for her reply.

“Well!” he boomed, rubbing his hands together and shaking rain from his hair, “I see we’re all
gathered for the wake!”
Diane stood up and smiled politely at Watts. “We are just going.”

“Had a good holiday, then?” he asked.

“Yes,” said Diane, staring at him, “very good.”

“Splendid!” He turned to Rachael who was standing by the door. With her raven hair slightly
wet from the rain, her black dress and amber necklace, she might have been a wise woman of
the Old Religion.

“I see,” Watts said to her, “you’re not wearing the ring Diane bought for you.”

Rachael looked at Diane quizzically. “It was a surprise!” she said quickly, “and now the oaf’s
spoiled it!”

“Sorry,” he said without conviction.

“We’d best be going,” Diane said.

“I hope both of you sleep well,” Watts said sarcastically.

Diane ignored him. “I’ll telephone,” she said to Leonie. “In the morning to see how you are.”

“That would be kind.” Leonie smiled weakly and went with them to the door. “It was good of
you to come. I only wish you’d been here before.”

”Take care, won’t you?” Diane said.

“I’ll try.”

They stared at each other for a moment until Diane turned and walked into the rain.

“I hope,” she said to Rachael as they walked to the car, “he didn’t offend you by his remarks.”
”No,” laughed Rachael as Leonie closed the door, “he didn’t. I don’t care what he or anyone
else says. He can call me names as far as I care.”

Diane held the car door for her. “We might get more of the same in the future.”

”So what?” When Diane had started the engine, she added, “I love you. That’s all that matters
to me. If the whole world was against us, I wouldn’t care.”

“Rachael, you continue to amaze me!”

“Why, because I am so mature?”

“Well, yes.”

”I had to grow up quickly when I was younger. My mother – “ she began. “But it doesn’t
matter.” Then she began to quote some verse:

“We don’t love like flowers, with only a single

Season behind us; immemorial sap

Mounts in our arms when we love.’

She smiled innocently. “There’s a lot more, but I won’t bore you with it.”

”It was beautiful,” said Diane sincerely.

“It was Rilke.”

“Really? I see I’ll have to read him.”

”He’s one of my favourite poets.

”You must read me some.”

”I’d love to.”

”I suppose you can read it in the original German as well?”

”Of course!” smiled Rachael.

Blissful, they returned to their home. The rain ceased with their arrival and in the subdued
light in the now cramped sitting room of their bungalow, Rachael sat at her piano to transform
herself and the night. Diane listened and watched, entranced. Rachael’s playing created a new
world and a new woman, and Diane watched this strange woman of dark secrets create from
the instrument of wood, steel and tone a universe of beauty, ecstasy and light. Bach,
Beethoven – it made no difference what or for how long she played. But, as it always had
since that night, Beethoven’s Opus 111 fascinated her with feelings, visions, and stupendous,
world- creating thought. It imbued her with insight, and a love that wanted to envelope
Rachael and consume her. It was pleasure and pain to watch Rachael transform herself through
the act of her playing into a goddess she would die for. No reason touched her while she
listened. There was, she knew, no greater life than this, no greater feeling and she wanted to
immolate herself with Rachael’s ecstasy, immolate world upon world with this glory and
passion which no male god described.

Then the silence, while clamoured notes faded and dimmed light framed. There were no more
tears Diane could cry and she waited while Rachael slowly rose and offered her hand. She –
the goddess within – was smiling and Diane allowed herself to be led.

The music in her head, the memories and secret dreams of youth: all were before her,
embodied in flesh and she had only to kiss the slightly scented lips or see the secret wisdom
hidden in the eyes to reach the summit of her life, slowly, in the dim corners of the bedroom’s
reflected dark.

IXX

The journey was lonely and more terrifying that she had thought or imagined it would be, and
for a moment the memory of her children’s faces held her. But her ineffable sadness remained
and Leonie Symonds in the burgeoning dawn drove the steep road to the Mynd.

Cloud fractured the sun, spreading luteous colours of stupendous beauty while light mist
lingered in the Stretton valley below. Nothing in sound challenged the engine of her car and
with shaking hands she attached her chosen instrument of death. Soon the fumes filled the
chilling air as a memory of Diane filled her heart and creeping death her lungs.

Consciousness flickered, briefly, and was gone as her mind tried to tell the body of a new
desire to live. Too late the desire and very slowly Leonie Symonds, not quite thirty-three,
slipped toward death.

The dream startled Diane and she awoke sweating while Rachael turned in her sleep. But the
light did little to ease the sense of foreboding and with trembling fingers she dialled Leonie’s
number. It was some time before the answer.

“Leonie?” her trembling voice asked.

“Eh?” said a gruff voice. A cough, then “Who is this?”

”Diane.”

”Oh, Alex here.”

”Where is Leonie?”

”She got up early. Said something about going for a walk. I just went back to sleep. Hang on.”
It seemed minutes before he returned. “She gone! There’s a note…My god! I’ll ring you back.”

No call came, and, dazed, she dressed to sit by the piano with a fresh mug of coffee. But she
could not be still and woke Rachael.

“I’m just off for a walk,” she said. “Won’t be long.”

”Shall I come?” Rachael asked, sleepy.

“No, you need your rest.”

Rachael smiled and went back to sleep.

The dawn was chilly and she wandered sadly among the spreading light, cheered a little by the
changing red around the sun. No one passed her, and she walked steadily through the town to
briefly sit upon the Burway bench overlooking Cardingmill valley and its stream. The silent
beauty of the morning calmed her, dispelling the fear and dread of her dream and she trod
happily the steep of the hill while sheep wandered to find the warmth of the sun.

At first recognition escaped her, then the reality of the car held her immobile. She ran,
shouting Leonie’s name. But she was too late with her love. The door opened to the grip of her
hand and she stood staring in shocked agony as the warm body tumbled out.

“No! No!” she screamed as, behind her, tyres slowed on gravel and scree.

Watts looked briefly at the body, turned off the engine of Leonie’s car and gently led Diane
away.

XX

The light of dusk blurred the contours in Diane’s room and Rachael watched through the
window the hills and trees soften in outline and fade with the slow silent passing of time.
Diane did not move, content to stare at her hands as she sat hunched in a chair, weakened by
guilt. She smiled, a little and briefly, when Rachael rose to gently stroke her hair, but this
interlude of life was soon gone. Outside, a few birds sang to call the moon from sleep.

Rachael began, haltingly at first, to play upon her piano but it was not long before the music
consumed her, obliterating the external world. Beethoven’s Opus 111 became again for her the
embodiment of her feelings and she played faultlessly, draining away the morose days since
Leonie’s death, forgetting Diane’s withdrawn self-absorption and her own tiredness.

She did not notice Diane standing beside her as she did not hear her lover crying in the
burgeoning dark of the room. The music was transforming Diane, each note breaking slowly
the barriers she had created within her as if the music explained all the grief and elevated her
inner suffering to a supra-personal joy. Before the music ended, the catharsis was complete,
but she waited, silently crying and when it was over she knelt down to place her head in
Rachael’s lap.
“I’m sorry,” Diane said as Rachael gently brushed the tears away, “I must have hurt you a lot
in the past few days.”

Rachael smiled. “I’m glad we are together again.”

”I will never be apart from you again.”

Tomorrow, Diane felt, she would sit at the piano and try through the medium of music to
express in composition all she had experienced: Leonie’s tragic death, her own ecstasy and
visions, the moments of dark magick when she felt herself attuned to the powers of the Earth,
the innocent joy she found in teaching. But most of all, she wanted to try and capture in some
lasting form her love for Rachael, and began to feel as Rachael began to play music by Bach,
that her life possessed meaning. She might, through her music, and way of living help in some
way others to achieve the insight that she knew Rachael had made possible for her. Even now,
she did not understand how this had happened. Was it simply because of love?

Outside her house darkness was stirring, but inside she felt herself renewed through the
brightness of personal experience and she began to feel a presentiment of meaning of
individual existence that she knew only music, for her, might explain. She rose slowly – while
Rachael seemed to measure with music the cadence of those feelings – to watch the stars
shimmer in the dark sky above.

But clouds, rushed by wind, soon came to cover the sky while, less than fifteen miles away,
Watts stood by Leonie’s grave wondering if his killing of Apthone had, after all, been in vain.

He had the impression that Rachael, the dark hereditary sorceress, was watching him. But he
knew better than to look around. Her skill was growing, as her beshrewing of Diane by music
had proved, and Diane was now forever lost to him, unable to provide the heir which he, like
Rachael herself, required. Would her heir, then, he wondered, be a Initiate and not her grand-
daughter as tradition decreed ? And would, could, Diane's music presence something of
Rachael's ancestral gods in the land, the places, they both loved? He did not know – but would
say nothing, as Rachael herself would say nothing, for there was nothing to be said which
words might describe. ‘It is not right,’ an Ancient Greek had written, ‘to give names to some
deeds.’

Somewhere, in the darkness nearby, a dog howled.

 The Greyling Owl

Order of Nine Angles

First issued: 1986 e.n.

This corrected version (v.1.03) issued 119 Year of Fayen

Introductory Note

Unlike the other MSS in The Deofel Quartet, the magickal and "Sinister" aspects, themes, and nature,
of this work are not overt, nor implicit nor obvious, and thus - exoterically - it does not appear to be a
work of Sinister, or even of Occult, fiction.

However, it does describe several works of real (and hidden) magick, in the real world, undertaken by
hidden Adepts for specific purposes.

York, 1976 e.n.

Colin Mickleman stared contentedly out of the window before refilling his large pipe. Three
mallards sat on the bank of the artificial lake that formed the aesthetic and geometric centre
of the University, and Colin rose to open the window to the warm Spring air before standing
in front of a mirror in his room.

Tall and sturdily built, his enjoyment of life’s many pleasures had left him physically
unaffected but he had begun to worry about his increasing baldness, and it was some
minutes before he completed his now routine inspection of his hair. His thirtieth birthday was
now some weeks away and, not withstanding his youth, he had earned for himself, by
reason of his hard work and diligence, a considerable reputation in the academic circle of
philosophers. During his tenure at York he had been voted ‘The Most Interesting Lecturer of
the Year’ many times. That this award, by the students, was partly sartorial did not concern
him in the least and he derived great satisfaction from it.

His teaching commitments were not very heavy, and he would often spend an idle hour or
so drinking tea in the offices of the Philosophy Department in Derwent College, talking to
the Secretary and anyone else who chanced along. The topic of conversations on these
occasions varied, and while at times he might discourse learnedly to a colleague on
philosophical matters, he was as likely to be found – always with a lighted pipe – discussing
the fate of the England middle order batting or the latest calamity to befall his beloved
Sheffield Wednesday football team. Although born in Sheffield, he had spent only ten years
there as a child, and his rather hazy memories of the place did not in any way affect his
fierce loyalty to the team that he - with his father - had supported as a boy.

Yet it was not only his loyal support of this team that had earned him the nickname of ‘The
Owl’.

The owl is, by nature, a nocturnal creature, and although somewhat retiring by day, at night
it is a predator. Colin Mickleman’s prey were women.

He did not possess any particular preference regarding women, although over the years he
had often found himself strongly desiring women whose views were opposed to his own and
with a particular type of sensuous lips. In his search for prey, he never ventured from his
University territory or the venues of the many and various conferences he attended, and the
supply seemed inexhaustible. Every year there was new blood at the University.

Sometimes, his liaisons lasted several months, although the average was around two
weeks, and he was careful almost to the point of obsession not to clutter his day with
assignations. The day belonged to his work. Occasionally, a liaison would prove
troublesome when a woman’s emotions became involved, and on these occasions he would
bury himself in his work and academic duties, trusting in his emotional indifference, since it
was mostly the pleasure of a woman’s body he desired and not a personal involvement.
Perhaps the pattern of his conquests had been set by the mental effort of his youth and
family situation, but however it had arisen it did not concern him much. As a boy nurtured by
the hilly terraced streets of Sheffield between his father’s factory and the Corporation Baths,
his pursuits and interests had been those of any boy his age and class, and it was not until
his family had moved to Leeds by virtue of his mother having to care for elderly relatives
that his ardour for learning – as well as his desire to be somewhat different and escape from
what he regarded as the drab limitations of his parents’ life – was aroused.

The light is his room was growing dimmer as the sun set and he sat down at his desk to
collect together the scattered pages of the article he had spent the day writing. His room
filled a modest space on the ground floor of Goodricke College, and he had chosen it in
preference of the large, but dull, flats normally reserved for members of the academic staff.
He liked the view of the lake, the grassy bank with its weeping willow trees, and the three
post-Graduate students with whom he shared a corridor and kitchen were quiet and
unassuming companions.

The article pleased him, as his style of life did. He was content, teaching, publishing articles,
writing his book on philosophy – and adding to his list of female conquests. He kept a list of
the names of the women with whom he had had sexual relations, and he took it briefly from
a locked drawer in his desk, smiling to himself, before he re-read his article. Soon, he felt,
the academic adulation he desired would be his.

The knock on his door annoyed him, disturbing his reverie, and he sighed deeply before
opening the door.

Alison, her eyes puffy and red, stood outside in the corridor.

“Yes?” he asked as if he did not know her.

She began to cry and he watched in astonishment as she sat on his bed with her head in
her hands. Her wailing annoyed him, and he sat at his desk to refill his pipe. She was a
second year Undergraduate of passionate intensity, and as he watched her he began to
think of stratagems that might bring their relationship to a satisfying end.

Nevertheless, a part of him resented the stratagems that the cynical Owl proposed, and he
rose to sit beside her before regaining control of himself and returning to his desk.

“Do you love me?” she asked suddenly.

When he did not answer, she wiped away her tears with her hands. “I have something to tell
you,” she whispered.

He looked suspiciously at her as if correctly guessing. She was watching him, and waiting
for his reaction and he was glad when someone else knocked on his door. He bounded
across the room to open it, and stood staring at the man in the corridor.

Edmund Arrowsmith had known Colin for over ten years, and was not surprised to find a
woman in the room of his friend. He had travelled a long way and eased the heavy weight of
his large rucksack off his shoulder for a moment.

“I can come back,” he said.

“No, it’s alright!” Colin replied. “Come in! This,” he said, pointing, “is Alison.”

She looked at Edmund, but did not return his smile of greeting and he eased his rucksack
onto the floor.

“Well then,” said Colin amicably to him, “what’s your latest hair-brained scheme?”

Edmund looked pained. “Actually, I’m off to join a community.”

Colin laughed, turned to Alison and said, “This is he! Ex-student, ex-political agitator, ex-
mercenary, now soon to be ex- something else!”

He stood up, stretched and yawned. “I’ll make some tea,” he said before searching among
the books and papers that lay in profusion on his desk. He gave Edmund a copy of his latest
published article.

Alison watched Colin leave, but the invitation she hoped for did not come. She saw Edmund
study a few sections of the article carefully, glance at the rest and then throw it back upon
the desk.

“What are you studying?” he asked her.

“Music,” she said sharply and instantly regretted it.

“Then what instrument do you play?”

His eyes gave the impression of looking straight through her, and she felt there was
something sinister about him which his outward appearance belied. His boots were well
worn, his dull woollen shirt patched and his trousers well made and old, his face and arms
deeply tanned. Only the gauntness of his face and his staring eyes betrayed him.

“Violin,” she said softly, turning to look out of the window.

“Oh, I see.”

Suddenly, she turned toward him. “What’s wrong with the violin?” she demanded
aggressively.

Edmund smiled. “I just imagined you’d play something else – the piano.”

“Of course I play the piano!”

“Which do you prefer?”

“It’s not a question of ‘which do I prefer'! It’s a question of what music I choose to play.”

“I’d like to hear you play sometime.”

The question was so unexpected and so sincerely meant that Alison did not know what to
say in reply and she was glad that Colin returned at that moment.

“What do you think?” he asked Edmund, pointing to the article and carefully laying two
mugs of tea upon the corner of the desk.
“Not bad – style’s a bit turgid.”

Colin squinted at him. “You have to write like that – Editors expect it.”

“Doesn’t say much for Editors does it?”

Alison began to laugh, then thought better of it. “Where’s mine, then?” she asked, indicating
the mugs.

“But you don’t like tea,” Colin protested.

“True! But I’d like to be asked.”

They glowered at each other for some moments.

“I need to stretch my legs a bit,” Edmund said as he stood, sensing an intrusion. “See you
in, say, half an hour?”

He did not wait for a reply and as he walked down the corridor he could hear Colin and
Alison shouting at each other. He caught the words; “I haven’t seen him for over a year!” But
in the deserted and otherwise silent corridor it was Alison’s words that he carried out with
into the warm, still air of Spring. They were sad words, perhaps even tragic, he thought,
given the knowledge of his friend, and he stood outside the building for some minutes,
looking across the lake as it scintillated under the now glowing lights of Vanbrugh College.
“Don’t you understand,” Alison had shouted, “I’m pregnant!” and Edmund allowed the
temporary peace of his academic surroundings to calm him as he walked toward the lake.

II

Edmund had always like the University since he had visited it many years ago. Spread over
a two hundred acre site, its centrepiece was the fifteen-acre lake and despite the modernity
of its buildings, he felt a harmony had been achieved unlike anything else he had seen in
modern academia. This was partly due, he knew, to the planned and the fortuitous bird-life
that had gathered around the lake, and partly because of the transplantation of mature trees
around the campus. He particularly liked the tall, broad Chestnut trees. Even the large
Central Hall adjacent to the lake and near the fountain that shot water high into the air, did
not seem out of place among the Weeping Willows that lined the banks and the Cherry
trees that frequented the paths. The Hall was a semi-octagon, its upper stories cantilevered
above the water and, planned or otherwise, it dominated the site. The whole effect pleased
Edmund, although he felt the multitude of students spoiled it.

He sat for a long time by the lake, watching night fall and students pass. When he did rise, a
sense of caution led him to walk slowly, and as he reached the residential block containing
Colin’s room, he saw Alison in animated conversation with a young man; she was trying to
restrain his arm but he pushed her away. Edmund walked across the grass, smiled at
Alison, and entered the building.

Colin was in the kitchen, a teapot in his hand, while beside him stood a young man
clenching a carving knife.

“You bastard!” he was shouting, “you bloody bastard!”

Edmund went toward him.

“Stay out of this!” the young man growled.

Colin appeared to be mildly amused and swiftly, Edmund kicked the knife from the man’s
hand. It spun toward the roof, and then fell to clatter harmlessly into the sink. The man
rushed toward Edmund who blocked the intended punch and pinned his assailant against
the wall in an arm lock.

“He’s drunk,” Colin said by way of explanation. “Fancy some tea?”

“Please,” Alison said as she stood by the door, “let him go.”

“Her brother,” Colin explained.

Cautiously, Edmund released him, and Alison's brother bent over the sink, vomiting.
“I’m sorry,” Alison said to Edmund as she attended to her brother.

“Is he alright?” Edmund asked her.

“I’ll take him to his room.”

After they had gone, Edmund said, “What are you going to do?”

“Have some tea!”

“About Alison, I meant.”

Colin squinted, as was his habit. “You know then?”

“Yes.”

The smell of vomit was strong, and Edmund flushed it away before turning to his now ashen-
faced friend. “Come on, fresh air is what you need.”

They stood on the bridge over the edge of the lake.

“What will you do?” asked Edmund again.

Colin sighed. “She’ll have to have and abortion,” he said without conviction.

“What does she want?”

“She’s done this to try and trap me. She said she’d taken precautions.”

“You don’t feel responsible, then? Edmund asked.

“Of course not. She’s over eighteen.”

“You don’t feel in the slightest bit responsible?”

“No.” He stared down at the water, watching the scattering of light from the profusion of
illumination near then and around the whole campus. He felt the transitory bloom of his
thought would be crushed by Alison’s weight – the inertial weight of a childbearing body.

“You do care, really, don’t you?” Edmund said after the long silence.

Colin sighed, although it was not the sigh of the cynical Owl, still less that of the academic
philosopher who watched life as it unfolded around his chosen dwelling. “I never misled her
about my intentions,” he said.

“You don’t like women much, do you?”

“What?” Colin’s face was a carefully contrived combination of wounded pride and
annoyance.

“Not as they are – in themselves. For you they are just reflectors of your self image.”

Colin was considering his answer when an obese man in a crumpled suit approached them.
He was panting, and sweat dribbled from his forehead. He held a book in his hand from
which protruded several sheets of notepaper. The man smiled at Colin, wiped his brow with
a silk handkerchief, and thrust the papers at him.

“Sorry.” He explained, sucking in his lower lip, “reader’s report against it. Glad I caught you,
Colin. Sorry, but I’m late already.”

Colin took the sheaf of papers. “Thanks.”

“Better luck next time, eh?” the man smirked before wobbling away.

“The bastard!” Colin said mutely.

“Friend of yours, then?” Edmund asked.

Colin glanced through his rejected article, and then stuffed it into his pocket. “That was
Doctor Richard Storr, Ph.D. (Oxon) – infamous editor of the British Journal of Philosophy
and – would you believe it – my Head of Department!”

“He’s the Professor?”

“Thankfully, no. But he’s in charge until one is appointed.”

“I gather you two are not on friendly terms.”

Colin ignored the question. “So how long are you staying this time?”

“A few days – maybe longer.”

For several minutes Colin was silent. Then, taking money from his pockets, he trust it at
Edmund saying, “Here, get yourself something to eat. I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Where are you going?”

Colin hunched up his shoulders and wrung his hands. “To forget!”

He left his friend standing on the bridge and walked quickly back to his room to collect his
camera. It did not take him long to arrange his assignation, and he waited by the road that
intersected the campus beneath the walkway that siphoned students to and from the Library.

“Well,” he said as he climbed into the car, which stopped for him and held out his camera,
“have you decided?”

The woman smiled at him. She was several years older than Mickleman, a Lecturer in
English, her oval face graced by large blue eyes and framed by straight tawny hair. For
months she had resisted his flattery and attentions. Her body showed a slight tendency
toward corpulence, and Mickleman had lusted after it. She was polite where he was often
gruff; her office tidy whereas his was chaotic. They taught the same Undergraduate student
and it was from this student that he had come to know of Magarita’s existence. All her
students held her in awe and it was this one fact which led Mickleman to seek her out and
begin to plan his seduction. It was over a month ago since he had succeeded, and he had
sown the seeds for the next stage of his conquest.

“You’ll develop them yourself?” Magarita asked him, still unsure.

“Yes,” he lied before putting down his camera and rubbing his hands together gleefully.

III

Alison was alone again in the quietness of a practice room in the Music Department, and sat
down on the piano stool to re-read her diary.

‘The corridor was dark - all the rooms were closed and I felt afraid. I could not bear a
repeat of my last visit – the angry words, the tears, needs that were not fulfilled,
things left unsaid. I remember I said: “It’s better if I never see you again’ – hoping he
would plead with me to stay. He said nothing. I couldn’t resist any more: ‘What shall I
do?’ I cried, catching the lapels of his jacket, tears on them, my tears as I clung to
him, trying to make a bridge. ‘Come on Wednesday’ he struggled to say. ‘On
Wednesday,’ I repeated.

Such a dark corridor, outside. Last time I just stood in the kitchen, kicking the door
and shouting at it: ‘Why do you never understand me!’ Yet I was back again – I had
no pride left. Was this need really love? What would I say this time? Could I find a
way of letting him understand – of getting through? I knocked on his door. ‘Come in’.
The voice was subdued. He was sitting in his chair I remember as if it was a moment
ago. Dispirited. ‘What is it?’ I wondered if all relationships were like this – so charged
with emotion. ‘Your letter, your letter,’ he struggled to say. ‘I’ve hurt you,’ I whispered
with awe. Then, sitting on his lap, my head against him, buried. Crying. ‘It’s alright.’ A
soft voice, a soft touch on my face.

It did not last. ‘Are you pleased to see me?’ I asked. ‘About as pleased as a
Mickleman can be.’ Then, the inevitable wandering hand. The moment gone, and
never repeated.
Only a month ago, she sighed; before I knew my fate. She put down the diary, thought of
tearing it up, but did not. Then she began to play the piano, an Intermezzo by Brahms,
transforming her feelings into her performance. And at its end, she sat, quite still, trying to
recapture the beauty she had felt.

‘I feel,’ she wrote in her diary, ‘only music can lead me to the knowledge I am seeking. I
want to be at peace – when I play, I am at peace.’ What then, she thought, of the child now
growing within her womb?

She did not know, and rose to walk slowly out of the building. She did not bother to seek
Colin’s room, but walked aimlessly along the paths, her face downturned.

“Hello!” a cheerful voice said to her.

It was some moments before she recognized the speaker.

“Are you alright?” Edmund asked her.

“Fine.” She looked around, but could not see Colin.

“I’m just going to get something to eat. Would you like to join me?”

Eating was repellent to her but in atonement for the guilt she felt she said, “Yes.”

She shuffled after Edmund toward the dining hall to join the small queue that babbled past
the serving hatch. The dead and steaming flesh behind the glass cages nauseated her, as
the gaggles of students at the tables annoyed her, and she followed Edmund’s example by
selecting a salad. Near her, someone laughed while they walked balancing a tray full of
food. “I suppose’ his companion said, “nothing matters but the quality.” He looked at Alison
and smiled.

For some reason Alison wanted to slap the young man’s face, but the feeling soon
vanished, and she followed Edmund to an empty table where she sat under the bright lights
prodding her lifeless food.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Edmund asked her kindly.

“Not for food.” Then she was laughing at herself. “God! I’m beginning to sound like a cheap
novel!”

“Surely you mean a character from a cheap novel?”

She stared at him, suddenly angry and defensive. Then she smiled. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

She was surprised at the warmth in his words and in his eyes. “Would you,” she said
impetuously, “like me to play some music for you?”

“Yes, I would. Very much indeed.”

“Come on, then!” She grasped his hand to lift him up from the table, then suddenly took it
away thinking he might misconstrue her gesture.

She walked with him at a brisk pace back to the practice room. She was impatient to begin
without quite understanding why. The Partita she played was followed by Brahms and then
more Brahms while Edmund sat on the floor, listening. She seemed to play for a long time,
and when she stopped she rested her incandescent face in her hands.

“Beautiful,” Edmund said.

She shrugged her shoulders. “I made a lot of mistakes.”

“I didn’t notice any.”

She smiled at being caught out. “What do you think of Brahms?”

“Nice.”
She was offended. “Nice? Is that all?” she said, a trace of anger in her voice.

“What do you think of his music then?” he countered.

“Sublime!”

“Possibly – sometimes.”

“You’re not serious? He is unsurpassed. Unsurpassable!”

“Everything can be surpassed – its just a question of will and genius.”

“Not today it isn’t – in this decadent culture.”

“Culture is only genuine culture if it smells of blood.”

She stared at him, but he smiled. His statement was so out of place with his benign
expression she ignored it.

“What are you going to do?” he suddenly asked her.

She looked at him suspiciously, then turned away. “What do you mean?” she asked softly.

“I overheard – earlier on.”

She blushed, and shuffled her feet. “He’s offered to live with me.”

“And do you want that?”

“I don’t know.” Then, cheerfully: “ I don’t think he does, though!”

“No – I can’t really imagine him living a life of domestic bliss.”

“What do you think of him?”

“I think he is a genius.”

“Really?” she asked in astonishment.

“Intellectually, yes. Perhaps he needs to become a bit more human, though. Anyway, what
do you want to do with your life?”

“I’d like to compose something,” she said enthusiastically, “something beautiful and
profound.”

“Like Brahms’ Fourth Symphony?”

She looked at him quizzically. “I thought you didn’t like Brahms?”

“I never actually said that.”

She sighed. “We all have impossible dreams.”

He gave his enigmatic smile. “Some of us make them a reality.”

“Oh, yes?” she said.

Edmund turned his face away slightly, and her first thought was that she had offended him
until she realized he was listening. She strained to hear what it was, but was surprised when
Colin appeared at the door.

“Thought you’d be in here” Colin said to Alison. Then, seeing Edmund, he added “He been
having and attack of his verbal diarrhoea?”
“She played some Brahms for me,” Edmund said as he stood up.

“Romantic cretin,” Colin muttered.

“I’m surprised,” Edmund said, “that you in your modernist existence have heard of him – let
alone heard him.”

“Goes on a bit, doesn’t he?” Colin said to Alison.

“Had fun, then?” Edmund countered, pointing at the camera Colin held.

Colin ignored the remark. “You eaten, yet?” he asked Alison.

“Yes, thank you,” she said curtly and began to play the piano.

Colin winced.

“I gather,” Edmund said to him, “you don’t like Bach either?”

“Baroque cretin. Well, I’m going to have something to eat. “You coming?” he asked Edmund.

“In a while.”

Disgruntled, Colin left them to walk along the concrete path toward the bridge. He had not
gone far when he realized he was being followed. The man was tall, his suit in contrast to
his milieu, and Colin waited on the bridge for the man to pass him by. Instead, the man
stopped, and waited. Colin walked on, the man followed, keeping his distance. He slowed
his pace and the man did likewise. But when he reached the dining hall and turned around
again the man had gone.

Alison had ceased her playing shortly after Colin had left the room.
“I suppose,” she said, “we’d better join him – or he’ll sulk all evening.”

“Have you ever thought of performing – professionally?”

“I’m not that good.”

“Yes you are.”

“Anyway,” she said and touched her abdomen with her hand, “it’s out of the question, now.”

“Not necessarily.”

Her look was one of disapproval, and they did not speak as they left the room and the
building to walk the brightly lit paths. As they neared the dining hall, a tall man dressed in a
suit stepped out from the shadows and come toward them.

“Excuse me,” Edmund said to Alison. “Tell Colin I’ll see him early tomorrow morning.

She saw Edmund talk briefly with the man before she walked into the hall. Colin sat by
himself at a table eating, rather gluttonously she thought, from a plate full of steaming food.

“He said,” she remarked as she sat beside him, “that he’d see you tomorrow.”

“Typical. Always disappearing mysteriously. That’s Edmund.”

“You are really fond of him, aren’t you?” she said, surprised by his obvious disappointment.

“Have you decided what you are going to do yet?”

“Go home – for a while at least.”

“I meant – “
“I know what you meant.”

Colin squinted at her. “What?” Then, annoyed by his own affectation, he said, “I meant what
I said.”

“Part of you did, at least.” Colin’s presence – so physically near and yet so emotionally
distant – made her feel like crying.

He saw this, and then nervously looked around.

“Don’t worry,” she said, “I won’t embarrass you by crying.”

He was about to answer when a young lady, colourfully dressed and possessed of a
freckled face and an athletic build, shouted from the doorway of the hall.

“Hi Colin!” she said and sauntered to their table. “I’m so glad I found you!” She sat down.
“What a day!” As if becoming aware of Alison, she turned toward her. “Hi! I’m Maren!”

“And I am just leaving,” Alison replied, having seen Colin’s eyes widen in gleeful
remembrance as he looked at Maren.

“But – “ he began to say, then faltered, torn between his desire for Maren and his feeling of
responsibility toward Alison. In his indecision, he let Alison walk away.

“You know,” Maren said to him, “that exhibition in John’s Gallery today? Well – you should
have seen how they displayed my painting! Horrible, absolutely horrible. I objected, of
course. And tried to explain to Jenny – she was with me – the ultimate meaning of having it
displayed just right. You know what I mean, don’t you? Well, she – Jenny that is – she was
so caught up in her own problems, she didn’t understand. And John! How he could devalue
the exquisite contents of the painting that way, I’ll never know.

She took a drink from his glass of water. “You know what I dread, Colin? Dread most of all?
The inevitable threat of being passé. Shall we have some fun tonight?” She looked around
the dining hall. “Shake the cretins up a bit?”
Colin smiled at her and she smiled back.

IV

It took several minutes for Colin Mickleman to realize where he was. The curtains were still
closed, but enough light penetrated for him to make out the contents of his room.

Normally he placed a glass of water beside his bed before he went to sleep. But this
morning it was not there, and he yawned. His yawning occupied him for some minutes while
he recovered some of his strength that his debauch of the night before had dissipated.
Maren, at his insistence, had left his bed in the early hours of the morning, for he like to
sleep alone.

Finally, after much yawning, sighing and stretching of his arms, he rose from his bed to
begin his extensive toilet. When he was dressed, groomed and washed to his satisfaction,
he sat at his desk for several minutes watching the lake through his window and smoking
his pipe. He was thinking what to do about Alison when someone knocked at his door.

Edmund stood in the corridor, smiling in such a way that the ends of his mouth came very
close to his ears.

“Lovely day, isn’t it?” Edmund said cheerfully. “Like some breakfast?” He held out a plate
containing eggs, bacon and tomatoes.

Colin hunched his shoulders. “I hate people like you in the mornings.” Grumpy, he shuffled
away to open the window in his room.

“Breakfast?” Edmund repeated.

“I don’t eat breakfast.”

“I wondered why your growth was stunted. More for me, then. Want some coffee?”
“I haven’t got any coffee – or any food for that matter.”

“Never mind.” He went to the kitchen to eat.

Colin joined him, but only to obtain a drink of water.

“Any plans for today?” Edmund asked.

“Lectures – then a meeting. I’ll meet you in the ‘Well’ in Derwent at twelve.”

“Sure you won’t have something to eat?” He held out a piece of bacon on the end of his fork.

Colin muttered something incomprehensible before returning to his room. Outside, in the
bright sun, students seethed along the paths and he joined them as he made his way to his
lecture. He disliked the lecture room with its high windows and bright, impersonal lights, but
was glad to find all his first year students present and waiting. Of the women, Kate had been
conquered already, but she ignored his smile as he remembered his photographs of her,
locked in the drawer of his desk in the privacy of his room. His favourite among them was of
her standing on a chair by his door, lifting her skirt to reveal her nakedness, the ginger tufts
of pubic hair. She had held her head to one side , as if wearily obeying his desire to make
her look ridiculous, her brown eyes staring at the camera and her mass of ginger curls
slightly in disarray around her shoulders.

Of the others present, only Fenton did not turn his eyes away from Colin’s gaze. Instead, he
stared directly at the Owl, as if understanding. He wore a long scarf and un-fashionable
clothes, and the badge of his lapel proclaimed him as a supporter of the ‘Gay Liberation
Front’. Not for the first time, Colin felt uneasy looking at him and turned his gaze elsewhere.

“Right,” Colin said, rubbing his hands together as was his habit. “I can see you’re all keen
for me to begin.” He checked the pocket of his jacket to make sure his pipe was there. It
was. “Now, in many ways, modern philosophy is considered to have begun with
Descartes…”

He kept the attention of his students for the allotted span, and watched with satisfaction as
they all, with the exception of Fenton, closed their notebooks with what seemed to be
reluctance as he sidled into the corridor outside. Fiona Pound was ahead of him, her thin
cotton dress swaying as she walked. Underneath it, he sensed she was naked.

Unusually, the door of his room in the Department was open, but everything seemed in its
familiar place – the stuffed owl on the bookcase, the picture of Sheffield Wednesday football
team on the wall, the chaos of books upon floor and desk – and he sat down to fill his pipe,
pleased with the newly acquired copy of Laclos’ “Les Liasons Danereuses”, bound in black
leather. The fact that he did not speak French did not diminish his enjoyment in the least.

With his academic aims always in mind, Colin was scrupulous almost to the point of
obsession about being on time for meetings and lectures, and it came as an unwelcome
surprise to find himself late for the Departmental meeting. Fiona smiled at him as he entered
the room; Whiting and Hill ignored him while Storr, as usual, seemed anxious and nervous.
Horton sat in his usual corner by the window, dressed in the inevitable tweeds, ignoring
everybody including Mrs. Cornish with whom, for the past fifteen years, he had been
conducting an illicit affair.

“Sorry I’m late,” said Colin as he sat next to Fiona.

Storr grunted and then expectorated loudly. “We were discussing,” he said, “Mrs. Pound’s
new course in Philosophy of Society.”

Colin nodded his head like a coot and proceeded to ignore what Storr was saying. The staff
sat on both sides of a long table with Storr at their head. Beside the table and its chairs, the
room contained some bookcases and magazine racks while the walls were covered with
charts. Storr loved charts and spent a great deal of time creating them. Among his latest
ventures were: ‘The Frequency Of Post-Graduate Research Topics’, Undergraduate
Performance in Relation to School Achievement’ and (Colin’s favorite) ‘Continuity in Staff/
Student Relations’. Colin’s own chart, showing the rise to fame of Sheffield Wednesday, had
not lasted very long on the wall.

Mrs. Cornish, a middle-aged lady of somewhat stern countenance was smoking one of her
small cigars, while Horton continued solving his crossword puzzle. He was the most senior
member of the staff, and coveted the Professorship, his distain of Departmental meetings
being matched by his own dislike of Storr whom he called a ‘smelly twerp’.

Storr’s confederates, Whiting and Hall, seemed to be avidly devouring the words of their
Master, and Colin concentrated on Fiona whose perfume pleased him. She was leaning
forward, apparently listening to Storr, and resting her elbows on the table in such a way that
several inches of her bronzed flesh were visible in the neckline region of her dress. Her
face, like the rest of her body, was tanned, and Colin thought her green eyes offset
beautifully the red hair that advancing age had left untouched. Twice married, and divorced,
Mickleman had pursued her avidly during his first year in the Department but her skill was
equal to if not surpassed his own, and she had kept her distance. But her challenge and
enigma remained for him, breeding a dark desire.

Mrs. Cornish was watching him ogle Fiona, and he winked at her. She pretended not to
notice. Her hair was flaxen, gathered awkwardly on her head, and it had occurred to Colin
many times that he would like to see her stand on a chair in his room, naked. With the
photographs he would take, her power and authority – at least for him - would be broken.

“Er,” Storr was saying, his diatribe apparently over, “I think we should all, er, congratulate
Mrs. Pound on the success of this new venture of hers. Don’t you all agree?”

“Yes!” Chimed Hill with bovine expression, “good show!”

He showed his large white teeth to everyone.

“Thank you,” smiled Fiona. “As you know,” she continued in her precise, accentless way,
“this subject is very dear to me and I would just like to say – “

“What, again?” growled Horton.

“Er, did you have a point to make, Mr. Horton?” asked Storr meekly.

“Can’t we get on? Heard it all before and it’s all drivel. What next on the agenda, Storr?”

“I say!” protested Hill. Fiona and Storr, like himself, were Oxford graduates. Horton was a
Cambridge man.

“If I could say a word – “ began Whiting in his slow way. He had studied at Keele, and
everybody except Colin ignored him.

“You’ve said six already,” growled Horton.

Whiting’s think, droopy, moustache began to twitch.

“Yes, Richard,” Mrs. Cornish said with a smile to Storr, “what is next? We really ought to
press on.”

“Well, er,” Storr said, getting the notes in front of him into a terrible mess. “I think it’s a
memorandum from the Vice-Chancellor. It’s here somewhere.” He fumbled among his notes
and papers before smiling and wiping his forehead with his brightly coloured silk
handkerchief. About selection policy.”

Colin watched Storr with amusement.

“I don’t seem to be able to find it at the moment,” Storr said.

“Typical!” Horton scowled, and continued with his crossword puzzle.

Storr ignored him, “But I do, er, remember most of its contents. We are to take a more
favourable attitude to ethnic minorities – be flexible in accepting those without, ah, formal
qualifications.”

This was too much for Horton. He flung down his newspaper. “You mean lower our already
disastrously low entrance standards to let more of them in!”

“Mr. Horton, please!” chided Fiona.

“Ruddy stupid idea!” Horton said.

“The Government,” continued Storr, “has asked – “

“Might have known,” Horton grunted, “it was those bunch of damn fools!” He rustled his
newspaper loudly.

“The Vice-Chancellor says – and I must admit I agree with him – “ Storr said, “ – that they
should be encouraged. And in view of our policy toward, er, mature candidates, he
considers we, that is this Department, should make a determined start in this direction.”

“We are a University,” Horton said gruffly, “not an unemployment training scheme!”

“I believe we have, er, a valuable role to play in ensuring equality of opportunity.”

“Why don’t you ruddy well say what you mean instead of waffling like a twerp!”

“Sorry?”

“Gentlemen, please,” Fiona said, smiling at Horton.

Whiting’s moustache twitched again. “You,” he said to Horton, “sound like a racist.”

“I’m sure,” Mrs. Cornish smiled, “Lawrence did not mean to imply anything of that sort. Did
you Lawrence?”

Lawrence Horton glowered at her, then turned toward Whiting. “You, sir, are an oaf!

“Er,” stuttered Storr, “I assume, Mr. Horton, that you’re opposed to the Vice-Chancellor’s
suggestion?”

“As a racist,” protested Whiting, “he would be.”

“Racism,” Horton said calmly, neatly folding up his newspaper, “is an abstract idea invested
by sociologists which they project, most incorrectly, onto the real world to make it accord
with their prejudices. It has about as much reality as an intelligent Vice-Chancellor: both are
impossible according to the Laws of Nature.” He stood up. “And now I have to wring from
the minds of my students all the pretentious sociological nonsense you insist on
indoctrinating them with.” His newspaper under his arm, he strode out of the room.

“Er, I believe,” Storr said after Horton had slammed the door, “that we can record Mr. Horton
as opposed to the Vice-Chancellor’s rather splendid idea. Wouldn’t you all agree?”
“I do so hope,” Hill said, “that he doesn’t become the Professor. A reactionary like that?”

Storr smiled. It was not a pleasing sight. “I don’t think, speaking confidentially of course, that
there is much possibility of his assuming that particular responsibility.”

“Thank goodness,” Whiting said.

“You are misconstruing his objection,” Mrs. Cornish interjected.

“He’d set us back fifty years,” continued Whiting. “We must progress with the times.
Philosophy is a social science, after all.”

“Er, Mickleman,” Storr asked, “what is you opinion?”

“Yes, Colin,” Fiona smiled at him, “I’m sure we would all like to know where you are on this
particular matter.”

“Well,” he said as he withdrew his pipe from his pocket and proceeded to light it, “I would
have to give this matter some thought. It’s not an area that I am familiar with.”

“But surely,” Fiona persisted, “you have an opinion?”

“As a matter of fact, I try to avoid opinions – about things I have not thought through or
deeply about or studied in detail.”

“Quite,” Storr said curtly. “Shall we get on?”

Fiona ignored him. “And in this particular instance?” she said to Colin.

“If necessary I would pursue the matter and then form a judgement – not an opinion – a
judgement on the basis of careful thought.”

“I see,” Fiona smiled at him.

So did Mrs. Cornish, while both Whiting and Storr scowled, in their different ways. Hill
studied his fingernails.

“Well, er,” Storr said shuffling his notes, “Mrs. Pound’s course, because of its success may
be extended to second year students, as a major option. There is to be a staff seminar on
the subject – next month. I think. Er, yes,” he glanced at a crumpled sheet of paper among
his notes, “next month. Is there anything else anyone wants to add?” He looked around.
“Well, then, we have all earned our coffee, I believe!” He began to shuffle the notes.

Colin left him, Whiting, Hill and Fiona discussing the relevance of Philosophy to society.
Mrs. Cornish followed him into the corridor.

“I was impressed,” she said to him, “by what you said.”

“Won’t make any difference, though. They have made their minds up already.”

“True.” She withdrew the pocket watch she always carried and checked the time. “You’ve
had another paper published I understand?”

Surprised, since he had only been informed himself a few days ago, he said, “Yes – how did
you know?”

“One hears things. I also understand Richard has rejected another of yours.”

“Yes.”

“A pity. It was an insightful piece.”

“You read it?”

“Why yes. Do you have a copy?”

“Of course.”
“Then I shall send it to the ‘Bulletin’. With a covering letter, of course.”

“Thank you,” Colin said sincerely.

“Richard can be jealous, sometimes,” she said abstractly. “He envies you your success at
so young an age.” Her smile seemed motherly. “May I offer you some advice?”

“Yes,” Colin said, hesitantly.

Her eyes seemed to Mickleman to shine almost wickedly. “Certain preoccupations are
inadvisable for someone who aspires to high office.” Her eyes resumed their normal
appearance. “Certain things – are just not done. They will make you enemies. I do so hope
you understand me. Now, I really must be going.”

She turned abruptly and walked away from him.

“You bastard!” Colin heard someone behind him say.

He looked around and was punched in the face.

As Colin Mickleman struggled up from the floor it occurred to him in a slow way that
Edmund would probably have been able to block the blow.

Blood from his nose slithered down his face, and he stared at Alison’s brother in
astonishment. Bryn’s kick was well aimed, and although it knocked him over Colin did not at
first realize it had struck him because he could feel no pain from the impact. He seemed to
fall slowly, and as he did so he noticed the floor tile was chipped. There was a stain on the
tile, the pattern of which he found quite interesting, and his detachment was enhanced by
his inability to hear. He lay on the floor watching Fenton restrain Bryn and push him up
against the wall. Then he saw Horton, rushing out of Mrs. Cornish’s room, and students
crowding the corridor and the top of the steps. In the same moment his hearing returned,
and he heard Horton shouting.

“What is the meaning of this?” he said to Bryn while Fenton held Colin’s assailant
aggressively by the throat.

Horton gestured toward Fenton and he released him.

“Well, boy! Horton demanded.

“That bastard – “ Bryn began to say, pointing at Colin who slowly got to his feet.

“Mind your language, boy!” Horton shouted at Bryn.

“Are you alright?” Fenton asked Colin and gave him a handkerchief.

“Fine,” he said, stopping the blood with the gift.

“What’s your name?” Horton demanded of Bryn.

“What’s it to do with you?” Bryn said defiantly.

“Listen to me, you runt!” Horton straightened his back. Despite his advancing years, he
seemed a formidable adversary to Bryn who nervously turned his head as Horton clenched
his fists. “This is a serious matter!”

Fenton was turning to walk away down the stairs and Colin walked toward him.

“Thanks,” he said.

Fenton smiled, and then shrugged his shoulder before disappearing down the stairs. Mrs.
Cornish was in her room, and as Colin walked past her open door, he saw her using the
telephone.
“It’s alright, Lawrence,” Colin said to Horton as he returned to the scene of the fight, “I know
him.”

“I see.”

“Yes.” He noticed Kate looking at him down the corridor but she, like the others, turned
away. The drama was over, and the corridor was clearing.

“Can he go?” Colin asked Horton.

“This is a disciplinary matter. You are a student, I presume?” Horton asked Bryn.

“Yes,” Bryn replied nervously.

“Yes, he is,” confirmed Colin. “Second year, Politics.”

“Politics?” repeated Horton. “Oh well, that explains it!”

Mrs. Cornish joined them. “Perhaps, Lawrence,” she said, “it might be better to leave the
matter here.”

“Well – “ Then to Colin, he said, “Personal, is it?”

“Yes.” He watched Horton’s face carefully, as if his fate was being decided. When Horton
smiled, he felt relieved.

“Maybe it’s for the best.” He faced Bryn. “If I hear so much as one whisper about you from
this day on, I’ll make sure you’re sent down. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.” Bryn said and meant it.

“Now go, before I change my mind.”

Bryn scuttled away just as Storr emerged from his own room around the corner.

“Er, been some trouble?” he muttered.

Horton glowered at him, and then walked away.

“Just a little altercation, Richard,” Mrs. Cornish said. “Nothing to worry about. It’s all over
now.”

“Er, if you’re sure.”

“Perfectly sure, Richard. Lawrence dealt with the matter admirably.”

“The I needn’t make a report out?”

“Certainly not.”

“Well, if you’re sure, Elizabeth.”

“Quite sure,” she replied primly.

“Well, that’s good then. If you could, Elizabeth, spare me a moment of your time. You see, I
–“

“Not now. Perhaps later.”

“Yes. Yes, I quite understand. Later, then.”

“Come with me, Colin, and I’ll get you something instead of that.” She looked disdainfully at
the now bloodied handkerchief he was holding to his nose.
He followed her into her room. As befitted a Senior Lecturer it was larger than his, with a
splendid view of the lake. It was also very tidy. She closed the door firmly.

She briefly inspected his nose. “Nothing serious. Here,” she gave him a sheaf of tissues. “If
it bleeds again, hold your head back. Now, sit down.”

He did as she commanded.

“Really, you must learn discretion, Colin.” She lit one of her cigars. “Not a good start. You’re
very ambitious, are you not?”

“Well – “ perhaps Bryn’s blow had affected him more than he thought, for he felt momentary
embarrassment.

She blew smoke directly into his face. “Would you be happy with Richard as Professor?”

“Well – “

“Hmm. I thought not. Not many would, actually.”

“But surely Lawrence stands a better chance?”

“It is possible, of course. But Richard himself is not without influence. Besides, there are
other considerations. The Vice-Chancellor and Lawrence are not the best of friends.”

“I see.”

“I hope you do, Colin. Is the manuscript of your book complete?”

He looked at her questioningly. “Almost.”

“Good.” She blew smoke directly into his face again. “Do you have a publisher yet?”
“No. not really.”

“Applicants for Professorships are viewed more favourably if they have published a major
work,” she said almost casually.

Colin stared at her. Was it a joke?

“Ours is an expanding Department,” she said. “We hope soon to appoint two more
lecturers.”

Colin knew the rivalry between Storr and Horton was intense. Of the nine members of the
Department, only Fiona, Whiting and Hill favored Storr. The rest, including himself, were
favourably disposed toward Horton. Of those four, Lee and Holland – whom Colin noticed
with regret were not present at the morning’s meeting and thus had missed Horton insulting
Storr – might be enticed away. If Storr was appointed, his Readership would become
vacant, and Fiona seemed certain to benefit.

“However,” Mrs. Cornish continued, “if Richard is appointed, it will be seen in some
influential quarters as a victory for the radical element and we are thus unlikely to be
allocated the resources required to appoint more lecturers.”

“I see,” Colin said again. “But surely, an outside appointment is possible.”

“Of course,” she said smiling, “the Professorial Board is quite independent, and they could
conceivably take such a course of action. If no suitable candidate – from here naturally –
was found. Were you to apply, I would of course forward your application with my
recommendation. Lawrence would of course support your application as well.”

“What?” he said in amazement.

“It is your decision – but consider what I have said. Now, I really must get on.” She held the
door open for him.

He stumbled to his feet.

“Please learn to be discrete in certain matters,” she said.

“Yes,” he mumbled, and staggered down the corridor like a drunken man.

VI

Mickleman spent the rest of his morning drafting and redrafting his application. When, to his
satisfaction, it was complete, he appended a list of his publications to date. He was proud of
his published articles, and derived immense satisfaction from re-reading his list, and it was
well past noon when he presented his application to Elizabeth Cornish.

She was in her office, smoking a cigar, looked up briefly from her work to acknowledge his
presence, said a curt ‘Thank You’ and dismissed him. He was not offended. On the
contrary, he was excited, and stood for several minutes in the corridor watching the lake in
an effort to calm himself.

He was not deceived, however, by his prospects in the matter of Professorship, and was
satisfied merely to have applied. When the offer of a Professorship did come – and he was
certain it would, one day – he would be ready, with all his allies.

Several students passed him as he stood looking out from the window, and he heard them
whisper conspiratorially. But he was not concerned, for he seemed to be be one step nearer
his goal.

‘The Well’ was the central concourse of the Derwent building, and was essentially an open
Common Room with low tables and even lower chairs. It contained a small cafeteria, a
gallery - which sprouted various artefacts of modern Art - and was seldom empty of
students.

At first, among the human profusion, Colin did not see Edmund, and when he did, he was
surprised. He was talking to Fiona. Edmund saw him approaching, said something to Fiona
and without turning she walked away to disappear into the throng of students crowding the
entrance to the Bar.
“Alison’s brother been at you again?” Edmund asked as Colin reached him.

Fiona had completely disappeared from sight. “Do you know her, then?” he quizzically
asked Edmund.

“Who?”

“Fiona.”

“What?”

“That woman you were just talking to.” He looked at his friend suspiciously.

“Oh, her! She just wanted to borrow a match.” He saw Colin peering around the room. “Why
– do you know her?”

“She’s in my Department.”

“Oh, yes? Edmund gave a sly smile. “What number is she on your list of conquests?”

“She’s not,” Colin said, and screwed up his face into a morbid expression.

“What’s this? ‘The Owl’ has met his match?” Edmund said gleefully.

Still chagrined by his past failure, he changed the subject. “Have you seen Alison?”

“Yes, actually. I had an interesting talk with her this morning.”

“Oh, yes?” He said almost in disbelief.

“She’s very gifted. A brilliantly intuitive mind.”

“Did she say anything about – “

“About your child?”

Embarrassed, Colin looked around.

“She still,” Edmund said, “hasn’t decided anything. I suggest she go and stay with those
friends of mine – you know, Magnus and his wife. They run that small farm. The change
would do her good. She ought to get away from this place – it’s very incestuous.”

“I’ve just handed in my application for the Professorship,” Colin said proudly.

“Why don’t you spend a few days on Magnus’ farm? Some manual labour would do you
good.”

Colin looked at him as if he had said something offensive.

“What chance,” Edmund continued, “do you think you’ve got?” For the Professorship, I
mean.”

“Not much, really. But it’s a start.”

“When will you know?”

“Not sure. Perhaps next month.”

“Who recommended you?”

“Elizabeth. Mrs. Cornish.”

“Isn’t she the one you wanted to get into bed?”

Colin winced.

“You told me about her – last year,” Edmund explained. “Don’t you remember?”

“If you say so.”

“Smokes cigars?”

“Yes.”

“You described her attributes in a rather fulsome way, if I remember correctly.”

Colin rubbed his hands together, again. “Nice body! Wouldn’t mind getting my hands around
it!” His fantasy of having Elizabeth standing naked on a chair in his room returned. He would
get her to wear a studded collar to make the humiliation complete.

Edmund sighed. “The Superior Philosopher is for the belly, not the eye.”

“Eh?”

“Lao Tzu.”

“Oh, that antiquated Chinese cretin.”

“Shall we eat? I’m hungry.”

“What?” His fantasy was still intruding upon reality. Nearby, a young woman sat talking to
her friends, her blouse emphasizing her breasts. Colin stared at her. “You have something,”
he said to Edmund. “I’ll catch you later.”

His sexual passion aroused, he strode off toward Alison’s room.

Alison was sitting on her bed, listening to music and cuddling a very large toy lion whom she
called Aslan. The sunlit gardens behind Heslington Hall were visible from her window, and
she did not look away when a familiar knock sounded on her door.

“Come in,” she said wearily.

Colin, as was his habit, wrestled the lion away from her and with undisguised glee
proceeded to stuff it through the open window. She let him enjoy his childish fun. Her room
was on the ground floor, and Aslan could easily be retrieved.

His ritual greeting over, he rubbed his hands and shuffled toward her. Alison was annoyed
at the lust so evident on his face.

“Why don’t you grow up?” she shouted at him.

Momentarily perplexed, he retrieved Aslan.

“After your oats, then?” she said seethingly.

“I am after expanding my being through the experience of the ultimate,” he said in the prose
of The Philosopher.

“Why can’t you stop being so false?”

“Ah! ‘Tis true, falsehood is my matchless probity!” He sat beside her on the bed and began
to caress her earlobe with his fingers.

He could sense her beginning to succumb, and this pleased him. He wanted to lay people
bare to affirm his superiority, control them by his words and his body, and he was surprised
when Alison pushed him away.

“I’m going away for a few days,” she said, moving to sit on the floor and cuddle Aslan.

He was about to summon forth a clever riposte when someone knocked on the door of the
room.
Eagerly, Alison rose to answer. Fiona stood in the corridor, her dress unbuttoned so that
very little of her breasts were not exposed.

“Sorry to intrude,” she said with a smile which pleased Colin, “but could I speak to Mr.
Mickleman for a moment?”

“Yes, come in.”

Fiona stayed outside. “It’s about your application,” she said to Colin. “Can you come to the
Department?”

Colin looked at Alison who shrugged her shoulders.

“Won’t be long,” he said to Alison.

He walked with Fiona down the corridor and out into the sunlight.

“Shall we go to your room?” Fiona said. “It is quite near.”

“It would be more private,” smiled Colin.

“Elizabeth told me about your application.”

“Indeed?”

“Yes.”

They reached his room without further conversation.

“Not what I expected,” she said as she glanced around. Clothes lay in an untidy heap upon
the floor and it smelled of pipe smoke.
“Welcome to my lair!” Colin said, posing.

“What exactly are your intentions?” she asked him.

“Total experiential liberation!”

She ignored the remark. “About your application.”

“And I thought – “

“I was after your body?” she completed.

“The thought had suggested itself.”

She sat down on his bed, crossing her legs to expose most of her thigh. “Are you serious?”
she said, smiling.

“Do you want me to be?”

“That depends.”

“Oh, yes?” He guessed her purpose.

“To some, you might seem the ideal candidate.”

As he looked at her, the conviction grew in him that the Professorship was really within his
grasp. Fiona was courting him; Elizabeth and Horton would endorse his application with
their references. He could deftly and with cunning play Storr off against Horton. Professor
Colin Mickleman. It sounded right. The more he looked at Fiona, the more his lust gave way
to scheming. She would be a valuable ally.

“Why don’t you come and sit beside me?” she said.
He did, and leaned over toward her to kiss her lips but she moved away, laughing.

“Do you like Early Music?” she asked.

“Not particularly.” He was wondering whether to touch her thigh when she spoke.

“There’s a concert tonight. The Early Music Group is playing in the Lyons Hall. Music by
Landini and Machaut. The Vice-Chancellor will be there. Good form for you to be seen –
with the right person, of course.

“Of course. You have tickets, then?”

“Naturally. Shall we meet at half past seven?”

“Fine by me.”

She stood up. “Excellent! And afterwards,” she ran her finger down his face, “you can
explain just what your intentions are.”

She left him wondering who had been manipulating whom. He searched his pockets for his
pipe, and as he did so he remembered last having it when he was attacked by Bryn.

“Damn!” he said, frustrated by its loss and the lack of sexual gratification that the last half
hour had brought. “Damn!”

“Well,” Edmund said as he stood in the doorway, “if you’re going to be like that, I might as
well go away again.”

“Eh?”

“She didn’t stay long,” quipped Edmund.

“I’m meeting her tonight.” He searched in his desk and found his spare pipe which he
proceeded to fill and light. “Not a good day,” he sighed. Then, remembering his application,
he smiled.

“Came for my rucksack,” Edmund said.

Colin was surprised. “Leaving already?”

“Afraid so.” He opened the wardrobe and extracted his rucksack.

“Can’t you stay a little longer?” He was visibly disappointed.

“Not really. Have some unfinished business.”

“Such as?”

“Oh, various things.” He shouldered his heavy burden.

“You going now?”

“Yes.”

“When shall we meet again?”

“Who can say – who cannot say?”

They smiled at each other.

Colin squinted, then held out his hand which Edmund shook strongly, causing Colin to
grimace, only half mockingly.

Edmund turned, waved and then walked out of the room and away from his friend.
 VII

Colin was only a little late for his afternoon tutorial, but Andrea was already waiting in his
room in the Department. She was dressed in a fashionable padded jacket of colourful
design and her scarf seemed inappropriate considering the weather, its whiteness in
contrast to the patterned blue of her dress. Her dark hair, although well brushed, looked
untidy, and she smiled, a little, as Colin entered the room, before her boyish face resumed
its startled look.

“So,” Colin said gleefully before assuming the correct intonation and accent, “relentlessly
pursued over aerial house top and vice-versa, I have thwarted the malevolent machinations
of our most scurrilous enemies. In short, I am arrived.”

Andrea did not know whether to be embarrassed by the W.C Fields impersonation.

Colin cast his lustful gaze upon her. Her gestures were awkward as she fumbled in her bag
for her essay.

“Sorry, it’s a bit late,” she said holding the pages out for him.

The Owl watched, and the Philosopher set the trap. “Relationships are difficult things –
sometimes.” He took her essay and sat behind his desk. “Perhaps’, he said, pausing for
effect, “I shouldn’t say this – and stop me if I say anything untoward – but sometimes with
some people I get feelings; impressions. Call it empathy, if you like. One of the great things
about life is that we can talk about things – bring problems out of ourselves. Remember
Descartes?”

“Yes,” she said shyly.

He sprang his trap. His face bore a kindly smile, but inside his minds was full of scheming.
“If you would like to talk about things, I’m a good listener. Share the sadness I sense about
you.” He smiled his smile again. “I’ll be in the Bar here in Derwent tomorrow after seven.
Now, your essay.”
He lit his pipe and settled back in his chair to read her offering. His criticisms were minor,
and he talked for only a quarter of an hour about the essay’s content while she sat across
from him, wringing her hands together and occasionally meeting his glance.

He gave her back her essay. “Tomorrow – if you want,” he said, before picking up the
receiver of his telephone. It was a sign of his dismissal of her and she did not fail him.

“Goodbye, then,” she said and briefly smiled.

He dialled a few numbers before she closed his door. Then he replaced the receiver. But his
pleasure did not last for long.

“Ah!” Storr said as he opened the door without first knocking upon it. “Colin! I, er, just
wanted to say how pleased I am about your application. Yes, most pleased.”

“Oh yes?”

“Er, yes indeed my dear boy!”

“Did you want something?”

“What?” Storr looked around. “How are your tutorials going?” Well, I hope.”

Before Colin could reply, Elizabeth pushed Storr aside.

“Have you a match?” she said as she reached Colin’s desk. “My lighter is U/S.”

Colin fumbled in his pockets until he found his box of matches. He held them out for her but
she ignored his gesture and leaned toward him with one of her small cigars between her
fingers.

After he had lit it, she blew the smoke into his face. “Mind if I keep the box?” she asked.

“No, of course not.”

Both he and Storr watched her leave.

“Well, I must get on! Storr said to him. “Nice talking to you, Colin.” Nodding his head, he
walked into the corridor.

Colin was soon at work. He needed one chapter to complete his book, and he worked
eagerly but steadily during the hours of the afternoon, filling pages of paper with his writing.
Occasionally he would stop to read what he had written, sometimes making corrections, and
occasionally he would stop to refill and relight his pipe. Only once did he leave the room.
But the Secretary’s Office was deserted and he made his own cup of coffee before returning
to his desk.

It was becoming dark outside when his task was completed, and he collected together all
the pages of the chapter. Satisfied with his effort, he wrote a note. “Could you type this out
for me? Rather urgent!” it read. He thought of adding a rude suggestion, but desisted, and
left it attached to his chapter on the Secretary’s desk.

Pleased with himself, he wandered out into the fresh air of evening, but it did not take him
long to forget about his book and concentrate on his evening with Fiona. His wardrobe in his
room in the Hall of Residence contained many black clothes, and he was deciding on a
fitting combination when he heard a noise behind him.

He turned to see the door open. But it was not Fiona as he hoped, nor Alison as he half
expected. Instead, it was the tall man he had seen the day before, following him. The man
walked toward him and knocked him unconscious with one powerful blow.

He awoke to find himself lying on a carpet that smelled of urine, and turned to see his
attacker standing by a window whose panes were broken. Near him, a bald man stood
smoking a cigarette. He was much smaller in stature than the other man, and his face
reminded Colin of a toad. The glare from the bright light hurt Colin’s eyes and he shook his
head.

“He’s awake,” he heard a voice say. Then he was hauled to his feet.

Dramatically, the toad-faced man put on black leather gloves.

“Someone,” he sneered as Colin was pushed toward him, “wants to teach you a lesson.”

“You what?” Colin said, feeling his mouth go dry and stomach churn.

The man grinned, flexed his hands menacingly and moved closer. “I am going to enjoy this!”
he said.

Outside, there was a sudden sound of breaking glass, and a drunken shout.

“Ger up!” the drunken man helped his companion to his feet. Then he peered into the
window at Mickleman. “What you doin’?” he asked, smiling insanely, his bushy beard wet
from beer. He drank from the bottle in his hand.

“We’ll deal with you later,” the toad-faced man said to Colin.

Colin was pushed to the ground as his would be assailants ran away. When he stood up,
the two drunken men had gone as well, and cautiously and nervously, he walked into the
darkness outside.

The house stood on a decaying Estate and appeared to be newly wrecked, but Mickleman
wasted no time and was soon walking briskly toward the city centre. No one followed him,
and he stopped awhile beside a busy road, pleased to find his pipe and tobacco in the
pocket of his jacket. The ritual calmed him and he walked on into the centre of the city to
find a bus to take him back toward the comfort of the University.

It was nearing nine o’clock when he returned to his room, and he sat at his desk, smoking
his pipe, trying to understand his abduction. All he could think of was Bryn. Somehow, he
had hired them. This conclusion did not please him, and he was shaking as he left his own
room to find Bryn’s. But Alison’s brother was not in his Hall of Residence, and Colin resisted
the temptation he felt to break down Bryn’s door.

He was sauntering back to his own room when he remembered his assignation with Fiona,
and as he stood waiting outside the Lyons Hall for the concert to end, it occurred to him that
Storr might be responsible for his abduction. But the thought was ludicrous, and he forgot
about it. Instead, he spent his waiting trying to find epithets to describe Magarita’s body,
particularly her large breasts. He wanted his epithets to be as crude as possible, and the
more clichéd the better, since this naming was for him an affirmation of his superiority. But
he had not progressed very far when the audience began to leave the Hall.

Fiona was not among them, and he stood among the shadows for some minutes after the
last person had departed before returning to his room. But he was not happy, sitting alone
at his desk. Magartia seemed glad of his telephone call, and he lurked by the road in black
clothes, clutching his camera, to await her arrival.

He did not see Edmund watching him from the walkway above the road.

VIII

It was approaching the twilight hours when Alison left the University in the company of
Edmund’s friend. She had been glad of the invitation, and readily accepted Edmund’s
second offer.

She sat beside Magnus in the Land Rover, her small suitcase in the back, watching the
scenery as it passed. Occasionally, Magnus would turn and smile at her and she would
return his friendly gesture. Magnus was a big man with a full beard, and Alison found
something reassuring in his size and his cheerful eyes. Magnus’ farm was small, and
although its position among the Hambleton Hills at the southern end of the North Yorkshire
moors was not ideal, it was sufficiently isolated to afford the privacy Magnus and his wife
deemed essential.

The Land Rover climbed the steep hill to Bank Top easily and, in the dim light, Alison found
the scene enchanting. It seemed magical to her to be rising above the plain north of the city
of York and to have the moors ahead, in the spreading darkness. A car passed them,
descending the hill carefully, and Magnus drove off the main road to travel through a
plantation of trees. The narrow road he had taken gradually levelled out, and Alison could
see to her left and below, the headlights of a vehicle as it was driven along beside the
boundary of the moors.

It was dark when they reached their destination. Inside the stone farmhouse was warm.

“Welcome! My name is Ruth,” a woman with a shawl around her shoulders said in greeting
as Magnus led Alison toward the log fire.
Alison smiled. In the dim light cast by the fire she found it easy to believe Ruth, and the
house itself, belonged to an earlier age.

“It’ll be a cold night,” Magnus said as he warmed his gnarled hands by the fire.

“Alison, is it?” Ruth asked her.

“Yes.” Alison replied.

“Well, sit you down! Food won’t be long.”

They left her alone as she sat bathed in the warmth and the restful light of the fire, and
Alison felt an urge to write a letter to Colin. But the house worked its magick upon her, and
she soon fell asleep. Ruth awoke her, and she made her way to where the table was spread
full with food.

“Sorry about the candles,” Magnus said.

“I think it’s lovely!” Alison said with sincerity.

“Haven’t got round to electricity – yet.”

She sat on the bench beside Ruth, but they did not say grace before their meal as she had
expected. The conversation during the meal was minimal, and she was glad when Ruth
showed her to her room. It was sparsely furnished, like the house itself, but warm from the
small coal fire, and she set the lighted candles by her bed before taking her small cassette
player and headphones from her case.

It was some time before she began to write.

“My dear Colin,

Darkness has already fallen as I listen to Bach’s Matthew Passion – crying at the
beauty and haunting sadness of some of the music. Aware also, as I listen, of a
loneliness because there is no one here with me to share these moments. All I can do
is dare to write to you, keeping the memory of these moments to perhaps mould them
at some future time into words spoken when we are together again. Or, perhaps, I
might this once let them become the genesis of some music of my own.

Now I sit with the light of a candle to guide my pen, unaware of my future – the
darkness beyond my closed window seems mysterious: a mystery, which once and
not long ago would have held the numinosity of myths and legends.

The darkness, outside, may have gone – changed by technology, by artificial light,
but perhaps (or so it seems at this moment to me) it has returned to within us. There
seems nothing to fear outside that the lights of technology and the reason of scientific
explanation cannot dispel. Yet so few seem to see the blackness within – which even
two thousand years of a powerful allegory has not changed. I mean, of course, the
story of the “Passion” - of a kind of innocence betrayed. The actors, their names,
changes every year… I wonder if you will understand what I mean.

It seems to me that all great Art uplifts and offers us the possibilities of existence.
That ecstasy of experience where we are a unity of passion and reason – where life
is constantly renewed and made vital. Bach reminds me of this insight – as a hot
summer day can when no cloud obscures the beautiful blue of the sky and we
become again, for just that day, children again. Once, it seems a long time ago now, I
believed that love between two individuals should and could bring us this awareness,
this understanding where answers to all our problems are found: not because we
ignore them, but because our love conquers all. ‘A shameless romantic’ I hear you
say.

But now experience seems to have dimmed this vision of mine. Through music and
other things (music particularly) I have been transported to other planes of existence,
and this has made my personal relationships difficult because I have tried to capture
the bliss of those other places in moments with others. This has made me intense –
and perhaps difficult because I could often not express in words what it was that I
wished: in a relationship, in life.

I would like to believe that you offer me, through love, a beginning. But I know that
this can never be. Maybe in music, in performance and creation, I will find my answer.
No doubt you will continue to be you, safe within your own frame of reference. As to
me, I expect the future to be full of discovery: a discovery of both joy and sadness.
 With love,

Alison”

She felt happier, having written the letter and re-read it several times, glad that she had
been able to express in words the feelings that had haunted her for so long. But she knew
she might lack the courage to post the letter. She turned off her music and lay on the bed,
listening to the silence. Nothing stirred, not even outside and as she lay, hearing the beating
of her own pulse within her ears, she began to realize that it would be better for her if she
did not see Colin again. He was her past. So thinking, she rose to delete some words from
her letter, making ‘when we are together again’ illegible.

The candle was nearly spent, and she blew it out to fall asleep in the silent darkness.

It was late next morning she awoke. The house was deserted, but she found food awaiting
her on the table. No one came to greet her and she ate slowly before walking into the
gardens. The morning mist had almost completely dispersed, revealing a bright sun, which
had begun to spread its warmth.

There were few flowers to colour the scene, for the gardens were productive ones given
over to vegetables, soft fruit and an orchard. Alison found a bench abutting the brick wall
that screened the garden from the yard and the clustered farm buildings behind the house,
and she sat awhile, letting the sun warm and relax her. She was nearly asleep when a
sheepdog came and lay down near her feet.

Magnus’ voice startled her. “He don’t take to many people,” he said.

Alison patted the dog’s head. “Is there any work I do to help?” she asked.

“There is no shortage of work, here,”

“I’d like to do something.”

“Thought you had come for a holiday.”

“Just a break from things. I’d like to help out.”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

“Yes.”

“The onions need weeding and thinning.”

The day passed quickly for her, although by late afternoon her enthusiasm for the back
straining work had disappeared. Their lunch had been frugal – soup with plentiful bread –
and she was beginning to feel both hungry and tired.

“You ready to eat?” Magnus said as he came toward her.

“Yes, indeed!”

“Didn’t expect you to do all this,” Magnus said as he surveyed her work.

Alison smiled, and scraped dirt from her hands.

“You go in, I’ll tidy up,” Magnus said. “Got some friends coming over,” he added as she
began to walk away.

To her surprise she found the kitchen full of people, and children.

“This here is Alison,” Ruth said by way of introduction, “she’s staying for a while.”

“Hello!” Alison said, and blushed.

“That’s Tom,” Ruth said indicating a small unshaven man in worn clothes who smiled in
reply, showing his broken teeth. “And Mary.” Mary, a large lady with a young and cheerful
face deeply weathered, came and embraced Alison, much to Alison’s embarrassment. “And
John.” John, sallow faced and stocky, raised his battered hat in greeting. “And Wendy.”
Wendy, a tall thin woman with long straight hair, smiled at her briefly before admonishing
her children. “Leave that alone!” she shouted to her small son who was trying to remove the
lid from the metal milk pail on the floor. “And Lucy – stop that!” She dragged her daughter
away to stop her kicking her brother.

“There is plenty of hot water,” Ruth said to Alison, pointing to the sink.

Alison was washing her hands when Magnus entered the room. He took the now crying
Lucy into his arms, scooped up her brother and carried with him before setting them down
near the fire. They were staring at him expectantly, and Alison came to sit near them,
enchanted by the sudden change in their demeanour and glad to be away from the others.

Magnus began his story. He told how Thrym the Giant stole Thor’s hammer Mjollnir as a
ransom in order to make Freyja his wife; of how Loki, the Sly One, persuaded mighty Thor
to dress as a woman in order to deceive Thrym.

“And so mighty Thor disguised himself as a woman, pretending to be Freyja who

Thrym wanted as a bride. Thrym the Giant sat waiting in his draughty Hall. ‘They are
coming! They are coming’ his giant servants shouted as the guests from Asgard
arrived.

“Thus Thor entered the Hall which Thrym and his servants had lain with food and
drink, for the wedding feast. It had been a long journey from Asgard and Thor was
both hungry and thirsty. So he ate and drank. He ate a whole pig and then six whole
salmon. He drank a gallon of mead.

“Thrym the Giant was amazed. ‘What appetites,’ he shouted. ‘What a woman! Let us
hope,’ he said to one of his giant servants, her other appetites are as good!’ And
Thrym the Giant laughed, a laugh so loud it rocked the whole Hall and loosened
some of the planks of the wall.

“So Thrym was eager to begin the ceremony of marriage and commanded Mjollnir,
Thor’s magical hammer which he had stolen, be brought forth. ‘I shall,’ he shouted,
‘swear my oath on Mjollnir as my bride shall.’

“So saying, the hammer was brought forth. And seeing it, Thor rushed forward and
 grasped it, tearing off his veil as he did so. His eyes were as red as his beard. There
was no escape for his foe, for one by one he split open their skulls with his hammer,
starting with Thrym the Giant until the whole floor of the Hall was littered with the
dead bodies of the giants who had dared to defy the gods of Asgard!”

There was a moment of silence, and then Lucy’s voice. “Another, tell us another!” the little
girl said eagerly.

Alison left them to change her clothes, a little disturbed by the tale she had heard. She was
in her room, listening to Vaughan Williams’ Sixth Symphony through her headphones when
she realized what had disturbed her. She thought the children too young for such a tale of
violence with it suggestion of sexuality. But the music gradually transported her to another
plane of existence, and she sat on the bed, listening. The sombre starkness of the Epilogue
made her cry and she rose to stand by the window and watch the rising moon. She became
aware of the coldness and isolation of Space – of the great distance which separated her
from the moon; of the even greater distances to the stars. She began to imagine worlds
circling the stars – worlds full of life, of people, alive with their own dreams, desires,
thoughts and problems. The very vastness of the Cosmos seemed suddenly real to her, and
she experienced an almost overwhelming feeling of greatness: of the Cosmos itself, and of
her own life. It was as though she glimpsed a secret. The stars seemed awesome and yet
thaumaturgic, and she felt a painful desire to travel among them, to explore the new worlds
that awaited. There would be so many new experiences, so many things to see, to learn, to
listen to. There was almost something holy waiting out there.

There grew within her then a desire to compose some music, something unique, which
would capture at least in some way the feelings she had experienced, and she in a frenzy
tore open her case to find pen and paper. Music filled her mind, a strange polyphony of
sound, and she wove it into reality through the written notes of her pen.

Then the inspiration died, and she found herself sitting on the bed in the dim light staring
down at the music she had written. She sighed then, for she understood what she had to do
about Colin and her own unborn baby.

As if to counterpoint her thought, a distant bell began to toll, echoing between the valleys
and the hills. Its sound was clear, and then distant, then clear again before it faded. It was a
medieval sound, and as she listened she remembered the remains of Rievaulx but five
miles distant and shrouded in a wooded valley. But the bell was real and not a dream, and
she stood by the window, listening.
There was a monastery, she recalled, somewhere in the valleys below. A modern
monastery replete with a Public School. A link between the past and the present. This
thought pleased her and she smiled. She was not to know that a young novice – full of a
youthful desire to return to ancient tradition – had, and against the Prior’s wishes, set in
motion the mechanism which would swing the six ton bell of Ampleforth Abbey, high in its
squat church tower, sending its hallowed sound miles out in remembrance of the monk who
had died that same hour. The novice wanted the whole monastery, and the School, to
cease, if only for an instant, their tasks and pray for the departing soul.

Had she known this, she would have approved, for the sound of the bell suddenly ceased,
leaving her disappointed.

IX

The air of early morning was warm, and Mickleman sat contently at his desk in his room, a
notebook beside him.

He sat for some time, watching the lake and vaguely thinking about his life until he began to
remember the years that had passed since his youth. He became a little sad, as he often
did when he reviewed the passing of the years by remembering the events of the same day
one year, then two, then three years ago until he had reached the years of his schooling.
‘What have I done since then?’ he would ask himself, and be displeased with the answer.

His self pity and melancholia lasted for several hours until he began to lay upon his desk his
secret collection of photographs. The photographs pleased him, and as he looked through
them his happiness returned.

It was nearing mid-day when he gathered up his notebook and pipe before returning his
photographs to the drawer of his desk. Perhaps his preoccupation with Fiona’s body or
Andrea’s shyness made him forgetful, but he did not lock his drawer, and wandered,
pleased with himself, out into the bright sun of the day.

Two young male students came toward him on creeking bicycles as he stepped onto the
path outside the Hall of Residence, their eager faces smiling. One of them carried a
haversack on which was painted: ‘Newton Calculates. Watts works. But Coles’ word is Law.’
Coles was the Professor of Physics. Mickleman smiled ruefully, and followed a small huddle
of students as they walked toward and over the bridge.

He was early for the Departmental meeting, and sat contentedly in the room smoking his
pipe until he could no longer resist the temptation to defile Storr’s charts. He added a few
extra dots to one, extended the line of another and flicked ink in an inconvenient spot on a
third. He was admiring his work when Lee entered the room.

Lee was not a tall man, his jerky movements seemed not quite coordinated, and he looked
older that his thirty-five years. His suit was not conspicuous, as he himself was not, and he
reminded Colin of a studious monk misplaced in a world which seemed to startle him.

Lee smiled nervously and then crept toward a chair, laying his voluminous notes and files
upon the table. His tutorial was only just over and, as he always did, Lee wrote an account
of it in order to assess his own performance. ‘A moderate success, for once,’ he wrote in his
notebook in his neat handwriting, ‘except regarding the questions about Heidegger. I must
do more background reading…’

He was still writing when Horton bustled in and took his usual seat by the window. From his
pocket he produced a copy of Iliad, in Greek, and was soon absorbed in his reading.

Soon, the room was full, Storr, squirming and smiling as he sat at the head of the table;
Whiting and Hill, near their master, Mrs. Cornish, next to Lee and smoking her small cigars.
And last of all, Fiona, who sat next to Colin, graciously smiling as if he had not missed their
assignation.

“Well, eh,” Storr said, looking around with evident satisfaction. “I’m sorry I had to rearrange
this meeting at such short notice. But as you are all aware, I am away next week and rather
than postpone next week’s meeting I decided to bring it forward. I was hoping to sound to
you all out about – “

The door opened, and they all turned to look.

“Ah, Timothy!” Storr said. “Glad you could join us.”

Timothy was the most junior member of the Department and Colin was not surprised by his
lateness or his manner of dress. He wore a mauve shirt, green trousers and shoes, and had
tied a mauve scarf around his neck.
“Sorry I’m late!” he smiled, showing his two gold-capped teeth.

“Just in time! Said Storr. “Jonathon – “ he smiled at Lee, “was about to talk about the audio-
visual equipment he had just, eh, taken charge of. A very valuable edition to our
Department. Yes indeed. Very valuable.

“Is that all?” Horton turned and glared at Storr.

“Sorry?” Storr said.

“You brought all of us here,” Horton continued, anger evident in his voice, “to waffle on
about audio-visual equipment!”

“Well, er, it is rather an important addition to our facilities if I may say so.”

“You have the audacity to – “ Horton began.

“Gentlemen, please!” Mrs. Cornish said in an attempt at mediation.

“There was something else on the agenda, Richard?” Fiona asked.

“Actually, no.”

“I see,” Mrs. Cornish said, disgusted.

“But I was going to mention finances – “ Storr muttered weakly.

Horton stood up. “You could not bear the thought of someone, namely myself, chairing the
meeting in your unmissed absence, I assume?”

Storr himself stood up. “You will withdraw that remark, of course.”
It was the nearest Colin has seen Storr to anger.

“May I suggest,” Colin said, “that those wishing to hear Jonathon stay, while those who wish
to leave do so. If there are any vital points which emerge, I am sure one of those who stays
would be willing to tell – “

“What a waste of time all of these perfidious meeting are!” Horton said and strode out of the
room.

To Colin’s surprise, Timothy followed him. Then Mrs. Cornish. Fiona smiled briefly at him
and then also left.

“Well, if you all will excuse me,” he himself said, and departed.

Fiona was waiting, as he expected, in the corridor.

“You were otherwise engaged, I imagine,” she said.

He thought of telling her the truth. But it was so unlikely she was bound to think it was a lie,
so he lied instead, not really believing she would believe it. “I was not feeling well and fell
asleep.”

He was watching her, waiting for her reactions, when he realized how much he desired her.
Her face showed no emotion, and it was this almost lofty indifference of hers that aroused
his ardour keenly.

“Perhaps the Owl’s nocturnal activities are too tiring?” she said, her face expressionless.

“I waited outside the Lyons Hall at the end of the concert”, he said, trying to salvage
something. “I’m sorry, I really am.”

“Cheetah’s One, Owls Nil,” she said and smiled.

She left him standing perplexed and a little shaken, and he walked slowly to his room in the
Department. He sat at his desk, vaguely wondering about Fiona and how he might best
approach her. Gradually, there grew within him the feeling that he was on longer the master
of his own Destiny, and this discomforted him, as his thoughts about Fiona did. He began to
doubt his own self-appointed role about revealing individuals to themselves and the world
while he, the puppet master, pulled their strings. But his self-doubt did not last. He
remembered Andrea, who would be waiting for him later in the day – another victim whose
soul he could lay bare; he remembered the Professorship, his philosophical work, his
spreading fame – and his child, growing within Alison’s womb.

He was smiling at these, his achievements, when someone knocked on the door of his
room. Without waiting for his response Elizabeth Cornish strode in.

“Ah! Glad I caught you!” she said. “The Professorial Board meets next week. The interview,
I believe, will be next Tuesday. There is an outside candidate.”

“So soon?” Colin said, surprised.

She smiled. “It was felt a swift decision was needed.”

“Do you know how many candidates there are?”

“Four, including yourself.”

“And the outsider?”

“Chap from Oxford. You have a tie, I presume?” she asked in her matronly voice.

“Yes.”

“Good form for you to be presentable.”

“Of course.”

Her smile was curt, and she retreated from his room briskly, the leather soles of her plain
shoes clacking against the floor.
For several minutes he sat at his desk before sidling into the corridor. In several of the
rooms lectures were in progress, and he stood listening to the muted words, which seeped
out to him. There was, he felt, an aura about them, for here, in his chosen Department, the
High Priestess and High Priest were at work, teaching their followers. The deities were
Truth, Reason, Feeling and Understanding, and each deity, according to the gospel of
Mickleman, was a goddess – or at least a woman. And he wanted to possess and master
them all.

These thoughts pleased him, and he spent the remainder of the daylight hours writing
steadily at his desk. His completed article also pleased him and he laid it aside to walk in
the twilight toward the Refectory. But a memory of Fiona drew him away.

He felt his desire for her keenly as he walked toward her house but a short distance from
the University. The village of Heslington was joined to the campus by a road, which had
sprouted red brick houses. Fiona’s dwelling was a small unprepossessing house along a
lane which led off from the road. The gardens, lawns and fences were all well tended, and
he was about to push open the gate when the front door was opened. Light from inside
gave him a view of Storr’s face, and he walked past, momentarily perplexed. But it was not
long before he turned to see Storr shambling away.

No sooner had Colin knocked on Fiona’s door that it was opened.

“Just passing?” she said and smiled.

She wore a thin dress, which left very little to the imagination.

“Not really.”

“Been watching long?”

“Sorry?”

She did not pursue the matter. “Come in,” she said.

She opened the door further for him and he stepped over her threshold, smiling as she
closed and locked the door. The house smelled of expensive perfume, as Fiona herself did,
and he breathed the scent in.

She stepped past him, but he did not move aside and she allowed her body to brush against
his. For a few moments he stared at her, and as he did so he thought her face bore a
striking resemblance to one of the women in Bruegel’s

‘Allegory of Lust’. But the impression was fleeting. He thought her beautiful and sexually
alluring and moved forward to kiss her lips.

“Not here!” she laughed, and walked slowly up the stairs to her bedroom.

He followed, fascinated by his desire.

The bedroom was all black and crimson and seemed luxurious to Colin.

“Take your clothes off.” She said as she sat on the edge of the large bed.

“What?”

“Your clothes – take them off.”

Then he saw it. In the corner of the room, a camera stood on a tripod, and in her hand Fiona
held the remote control release.

“I want to watch you,” she said, still smiling. She rummaged in a drawer by the bed. “And
then I want you to put these on.” She held out a pair of handcuffs.

Colin smiled, but she soon destroyed his fantasy. “On you,” she said, and laughed.

Her laughter, and this reversal of roles, confused Colin, and he stood, in the bright light, by
her bed unable to speak.

“Come on, don’t be shy,” she smiled. “What are you waiting for?” She dangled the
handcuffs in front of him.

When he still did not speak, she added: “Just a few photographs of you - in various poses.”

She rose to stand before him and, somewhat abased, Colin retreated from the room. She
did not follow him, and he could hear her laughter as he opened the door of the house to the
dark and cooling air.

The food did not interest him, but Colin sat at a table in the crowded Refectory eating
nevertheless while he listened to the chatter and clatter of the students around him.

He left his meal half-eaten to saunter toward the Bar in Derwent college, and he was soon
drinking himself into a stupor. The beer made his melancholia even worse and he sat
vaguely detesting the people who gradually filled the room with their noise.

“Hello!” Andrea said cheerfully. She was dressed all in black, an affectation which surprised
him, and he glowered at her because he thought it was his own copyright.

“Join me?” he said, holding up his glass but making no effort to rise from his seat.

When she returned he sat silently watching her sip her drink.

“A bit crowded, isn’t it?” she said, embarrassed by his silence.

He watched her lustfully. “I know what you need,” he said without any subtlety.

“Oh, yes?” She appeared to him to be only half-insulted.

“Someone to talk to.” He smiled as he savoured his first little victory. “It is never easy, is it?”
“What?”

“Sharing moments. Just when you think you understand someone – they surprise you.” The
alcohol was beginning to affect his thought, and he struggled to not let this show. “They
surprise you,” he repeated. “Usually with other people, betraying.”

Andrea thought of her own just broken relationship and began to be amazed at what she
saw as Colin’s insight.

“You thought you understood him,” he continued.

How could he know? She thought. Is it so evident on my face?

“Are you happy here?” he asked, then seeing her questioning face added, “here, at
University.”

“Sometimes.”

“What will you do? His pause was deliberate. “When you graduate?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe teach.”

She smiled a defensive smile which Colin divined and he forgot about trying to lay her soul
bare with the scalpel of his words, and leaned across the small table that held his many
empty glasses to grasp her hand in his own. She did not move away.

“Mind if I join you?” a voice asked above the babble around them.

Andrea jerked her hand away. On the lapel of his tweed jacket Fenton, their interloper, wore
a badge saying ‘Being Weird Isn’t Enough’.

Without being asked, he sat down. “Is this a philosophical discussion – or can anyone join
in?”
Colin looked at Andrea who looked at him. Fenton looked at them both and then said,
“That’s exactly my point! The academic study of morals is no guarantee that those who so
study are moral themselves. Won’t you agree, Dr. Mickleman?” Fenton gave an inane smile.

The Doctor of Philosophy took a long drink of his beer and then burped loudly.

“Ah!” Fenton exclaimed. “The existential viewpoint! I could not have put it better myself.” He
gestured toward Andrea. “And you, Mademoiselle? How would you, as a student of the
illustrious Dr. Mickleman, express your own desire for understanding?”

She looked at him angrily, then rose and left. Colin watched her push her way through the
crowded room and was about to follow when Fenton laid a restraining hand on his arm.

“I am in dread,” Fenton said, “that from all this silence something ill shall burst forth.”

Eh?”

“Sophocles.” He removed his hand.

“That antiquated Greek cretin!”

For some seconds they looked at each other, but Colin turned away before rising to follow
Andrea. He soon caught up with her as she walked along the path that took them turning
and down toward the light-shimmering lake. They did not speak but she limply held his hand
as it sought hers while they walked toward his room. His understanding had impressed her,
his eyes seemed to radiate a warmth, and she was lonely.

In his dimly lit room, the smell of pipe smoke and sweaty feet pervaded, and he was soon
kissing her and fondling her body. Only partly undressed, they lay on his bed, but his body
refused to obey his desire. This alcohol induced failure made him angry. As a remedy to try
and arouse his erection he began to beat her bare buttocks with his discarded shoe.

“Please, don’t!” she pleaded and began to cry.

Her utter helplessness appealed to him and, as his remedy began to take effect, he forced
himself upon her. But his desire did not last long and, satiated, he turned over to fall into an
alcoholic sleep.

She dressed while he slept. Her feelings in turmoil, she sat down at his desk. She would
write him a note, she thought, although she did not know what to write and in her search for
a clean sheet of paper and pen, she opened the drawer of his desk.

Among the photographs, she recognized Kate, and Magarita, and she carefully replaced
them in the drawer. Without feeling anything she silently stole out and away from the room.
Dawn was many hours away, as midnight itself was, and she wandered around the lake,
keeping to the shadows and avoiding the gaggles of students who passed in the still but
seldom silent night air.

Their laughter and their words were devoid of meaning for her. There was no one and
nothing she could trust. No boyfriend, parents, friends or tutor; no God. ‘I would have been
just one more sordid photograph,’ she thought as she walked slowly back to her own room,
wishing to cry but too full of discordant emotion to succeed.

XI

Alison frowned, but otherwise bore herself stoically as one who, having thought deeply
about a particular matter, had made a decision. She had surprised Colin by arriving to see
him early in the morning.

Bewildered, he sat hunched on his bed while Alison stood beside the window.

“Well?” he asked, chagrined at both being disturbed from his slumber so early and not
finding Andrea in his room.

“I’ve made a decision,” Alison announced.

“Oh yes?”
“I’m going to have an abortion,” she said without any preamble.

“What?” He remark awakened him.

“You heard.”

“But you can’t – “

“I thought I’d tell you now rather than later.”

“But I would help. Money, that sort of thing. You know that’s not what I want.”

“Who said anything about what you want?”

“But I’ll get you a Flat. Everything.”

“Too late,” she said.

He smiled at her then. But she divined his purpose. “And nothing,” she added, “you say or
do can make me change my mind. You’ll not wheedle you way into my affections again.”
Her hardness was only in part a pose. “Well, goodbye then. I doubt we shall meet again.”

She turned around and left him sitting on the bed. He sat still for a while and then suddenly
leapt up to find his clothes and dress himself. A faint mist shrouded the University and he
was half across the bridge outside his residence, straining to see ahead, when he realized
he had run in the wrong direction. He turned, and collided with a student carrying an armful
of books. He did not want to help but shouted a “Sorry!” to the fallen young man and
sprinted away along the path toward the car park behind the large Physics building. There
was a Land Rover leaving and he ran toward it shouting Alison’s name, but it steadily pulled
away and he was left to bend breathless and alone by the side of the running track. No one
saw him as he in anger kicked a post. He hurt his foot, and limped slowly back to his room.

Clarity of thought and release from the pain in his foot came slowly as he sat at his desk
smoking his pipe. The idea of a child, unwanted though it was at its conception, had pleased
him, but there would, he felt sure, be other opportunities, some woman to bear his children
and whom he might marry if she accepted his need for other purely physical liaisons.
Magarita, perhaps? She knew of his other liaisons and did not seem to care. But that, he felt
certain, would come in its own species of time. His concern now was the Professorship and
although Alison’s decision and departure saddened him, he was also a little relieved to be
free of what he had felt to be her cloying emotions. Thus was he satisfied with himself and
his world again. He made himself a strong brew of tea before departing for his office in his
Department.

A pile of mail awaited him in the Secretary’s Office, and he spent nearly an hour with her,
idling chatting and making rude suggestions. The Secretary, a youngish lady with a tender
face and richly coiffured dark blond hair given to slightly audacious and in some circles
fashionable clothes, did not mind, for she was recently and happily married. Colin’s
seduction of her was over a year away and for both it was part of their past. And when he
did finally peruse his mail in his own room, he was pleased to find a letter asking him for an
article from an academic journal he never read.

So he sat and wrote and read a little while the hours of the morning passed. Fenton was
late for his tutorial, and Colin calmly waited. Half an hour; an hour. But in his relaxed way he
did not care, and was even a little pleased, for last night Fenton had disturbed him. The
meaning of his words had not escaped Colin, inebriated though he was, and he began to
surmise that Fenton was too embarrassed to attend the tutorial as he began to believe that
Fenton, the avowed homosexual, was attracted to him. He felt this explained all of Fenton’s
behaviour, and was even a little pleased. Perhaps, after all, he had found the key to unravel
Fenton’s character. Still thinking these thoughts, he was surprised by Fiona who entered his
room without knocking.

He watched her carefully as she came to sit on the side of his desk. As was her habit, her
dress seemed to reveal rather than hide her body.

“Dinner, tonight?” she asked.

“Well – “

“Are you afraid of me?” she asked directly.

“What do you mean?”

“Of my strength.”
“I didn’t realize that you took steroids,” he said in an attempt to be clever.

It did not work. “I have some outfits which I think you would look very good in.”

“Oh yes?”

“Yes. Are you afraid to experiment then? And after all I’ve heard!”

“Such as?”

“Oh various things.”

The phrase startled him, for some reason he could not remember. But he did remember
feeling almost as startled by something Fenton had said to him, last night. He could not
remember what that was either. Fiona was staring at him while her lips were drawn into a
smile, and this perplexed him as well.

“Try it,” she said, “tonight. You might surprise yourself and have a good time..” She pursed
her lips. “I think we’d make a good combination – in bed.”

She smiled at him and then walked toward the door. “I’ll expect you about seven.”

Her perfume and presence lingered a long time, and he found himself unable to concentrate
on his work. His mind began to fill with erotic images and visions, and all of them involved
him and Fiona. It was these which persuaded him: he would go and meet her, confident that
he would be equal to any situation, and, in his anticipation and delight, he forgot about both
Andrea and Fenton.

Fenton had been with a party of his friends when he had seen Andrea pass in the night. He
caught sight of her face as she slowly walked under a lamp near the door to her residence.

“Come on,” a friend had urged him as he stood wondering whether to call out her name –
and he had gone with them to their rooms where music played and cups were filled with
wine. Soon the voices were raised to try to right all the political wrongs in the world.

“Worker’s Councils – that is what we need! It would show the bosses!” an enthusiastic
student said.

“But surely, democratic reforms,” another countered, “are the only viable means.”

“Bull! Revolution has been and still is the only answer.”

But Fenton remembered, as he listened, Andrea’s face. It had spoken to him, one soul to
another, one outcast to another. There was real suffering there which he felt no political
discussion would change, and he rose unobserved to take his leave.

“Go away!” a voice shouted in answer to his knuckle raps upon Andrea’s door.

“Leave me alone!” the voice said as he tried again.

“It’s me!” he said.

“Look!” an angry face said as Andrea opened the door, “I want to be left alone.”

Then there was not more anger in her face as she staggered back inside to collapse upon
the floor.

“Are you alright?” Fenton asked as he knelt beside her. Her room was brightly lit, very tidy
and very warm.

“Get your hands off me, you poof!” she said, slurring her words.

An empty bottle of whiskey lay on the floor, and he was about to leave when he saw a bottle
of barbiturate tablets. It was almost empty.

She peered at the container as he held it up. “Have you taken any?” he asked.
“Leave me alone. Want to sleep,” she said through half- closed eyes. She tried to speak
again but drifted into unconsciousness.

“Andrea! Wake up!” Gently, he held her head in his hands. “Have you taken any of these
tablets?”

She did not respond and he lifted her to lay her down on the bed. On the bedside table was
a letter, propped up against the lamp. ‘Dr. Colin Mickleman’ the writing on the envelope read.

‘Will you regret not having a photograph of me? I doubt it.’

Fenton read the note three times before placing it in his pocket and lifting Andrea into his
arms. He carried her along the corridor and down the stairs, oblivious to the two female
students who drunkenly laughed as he passed them by.

“You Tarzan, she Jane!” one of them said, and laughed again.

His car was small and some distance away, but he ran with his burden to lay her softly on
the back seat. His driving was fast as he raced toward the city. He nearly crashed once, as
he slewed the car into a corner, and once he had to stop to try to remember his way before
reversing to take another turning.

No one came to greet him or relieve him of his burden as he kicked open the doors to the
Casualty department of the Hospital.

“Please,” he pleaded to the woman behind the desk, “she’s taken an overdose!”

The waiting patients stared while, somewhere, a baby cried.

Then, there was a sudden rushing of white coats, blue uniforms and anxious faces.

“Wait here, will you?” a young woman said. And then a Nurse was asking: “Do you know
what she has taken?”
“Some tablet – and alcohol.”

“How long ago?”

“Not sure. Half an hour, perhaps. Will she be alright?”

No answer, only another person asking questions. The questioning nurse had a kindly face
and ushered him to a chair in the corridor. He gave her Andrea’s name and address, as well
as his own.

‘You are students at the University then?” she asked. But her kindly smile did not change.

“Yes. Will she be alright?”

“I should think so, yes. They’ll pump her stomach out. She’ll be drowsy for a while and sleep.

“Can I see her?” He saw the look on the young girl’s face and was about to correct her
natural assumption when he said instead, “I’m sorry for all the trouble.”

“That’s what we are here for.”

“Can I see her?” he asked again.

“In a while, probably.”

She left him, and he was suddenly aware of his surroundings, of voices, near and distant, of
people walking past. A telephone ringing. He sat for a long time.

“Mr. Fenton?” a Doctor asked. The pockets of his white coat bulged with pens, a
stethoscope, a small compendium about drugs.

“Yes.” He stood up.

“You can see her now.” They walked together toward a cubicle.

“Is she alright?”

“Yes, fine. We’ll keep her in overnight. Just for observation. I should think she will sleep
most of tomorrow.” He nodded curtly, then walked away to disappear behind a curtain.

Andrea lay on her side, covered by a sheet and an thin blanket, an intravenous infusion
supplying fluid through a needle in the back of her hand. She did not stir as he did not try to
wake her, and he stood beside her for what seemed a long time.

“She’ll be alright.” The Nurse who questioned him said as she passed. “We’ll be moving her
onto the ward soon. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you wanted to call and see her in the
morning.”

He returned her smile, and left to wander back into the night, and it took him several
minutes to realize his car had been stolen. In his haste, he had left the door open and the
keys in the ignition.

XII

It was a long walk back to the University, but Fenton did not mind. He had reported the theft
before setting out into the cold, sodium-lit darkness. But he was soon warm, despite being
without a jacket, and by the time he reached his room he had decide on his plan of
campaign.

His sleep was brief, if sound, and he ate a small breakfast in the refectory before boarding a
bus for the city. The Ward Sister was helpful and kind, and let him briefly sit by Andrea’s
bed while, around him in the busy ward, Student Nurses made beds while they chatted.

“Thank you,” Andrea said, and weakly held his hand as she tried to keep awake.

“I haven’t told anyone yet,” he said, embarrassed by her gesture.

“There was a letter.”

“I have it, it’s alright.” He withdrew his hand and made to search his pockets, but it was just
an excuse to remove his hand from her. “I must have left it in my room.”

“You know, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Such a stupid thing to do!” She tried to smile. “I was so fed up. You won’t tell him, will you?”

“No,” he lied and turned his face away.

“You’re very kind.” She held his hand again.

In embarrassment, he stood up. “I’ll call again this afternoon. Is there anything you want?”

“They discharge me today. The Doctor is coming to see me later this morning.”

“I’ll telephone the Ward to ask. Do you want me to come and meet you if you are
discharged?”

“That would be very kind.”

“Not at all.”

“You’re a strange man,” she said gently.

He smiled in response and walked back down along the long line of beds.

His visit to the Police Station to confirm the theft of his vehicle was brief, but he lingered in
the centre of the city, watching people, drinking tea at a café and browsing in a bookshop. It
was past midday when he returned to the University.
Colin was in his room, in the Department, smoking a pipe and scribbling.

“Come in!” he said cheerfully. Then, seeing Fenton, he added, “bit late, aren’t we?”

Calmly, Fenton sat down opposite him.

“Black seems an appropriate colour,” Fenton said, alluding to Colin’s manner of dress.

“Shall I,” Colin responded, quoting, “entrust myself to entangled shadows?”

“Perhaps,” Fenton retorted, unsmiling, “I shall do violence to your person.”

Colin gaped, then squinted, trying to find a clever response. But Fenton calmly handed him
Andrea’s envelope and note.

“From Andrea,” Fenton said. “She tried to kill herself – last night.”

This was something beyond the Owl’s comprehension, but he strove to understand it, and
the strain showed on his face.

“Is she – “ he began.

“Don’t worry – she’ll be alright.”

“How?” The strain was lessening, but anxiety had begun.

“Overdose. Luckily, I found her in time.”

“You?”

“No one else knows. Yet.”

Colin came to several conclusions, almost at the same time.

Fenton let him suffer. “Of course,” he said with apparent indifference, “a scandal at this time
would do your chances of obtaining the Professorship no good.”

For a few seconds, the Owl gaped in horror at one of his own conclusions. The he shivered
in revulsion. Was he about to be blackmailed into a homosexual encounter?

Fenton sighed, as he saw the perplexity and horror evident on Colin’s face. “Don’t judge
everybody by your own standards,” he said. “Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’ve no
moral standards.”

“Sorry?”

“I know what you were thinking. And you were wrong. I have no intention of telling anyone
anything – unless Andrea wishes it. She and she alone will decide. And shall I tell you
something else?”

Colin was not sure whether he wanted to know. But he said nothing.

“There was a time when I fancied you,” Fenton continued. “You had an aura of genius about
you. But so cold – so little real humanity. I know you dislike me. Not because I’m gay – but
because I see through your pose. What is beyond that pose? Is there anything?”

He took the note and envelope, which Colin had left on his desk and walked over toward the
door. Outside, in the quiet corridor, he stood shaking for several minutes. He disliked the
anger he had felt toward Colin and walked quickly down the stairs and out in the freshness
outside. Ragged cumulus clouds sped swiftly below the blue of the sky, carried on the rising
wind, and Fenton tore Andrea’s note in small pieces as he walked, casting them into the
lake from a bridge. He watched them as they sank, bopped or floated away. Around him,
the University pulsed with life.

He did not have long to wait in the corridor of the Ward. Several of the beds were screened
by their curtains and he was idly wondering why when Andrea, dressed in her clothes of the
night before, came slowly toward him. She smiled on seeing him leaning against the wall,
and then broke into a run to hug him strongly. He held her body feebly by one hand while
she clung to him, and then edged away.

“I’ve got a taxi waiting,” he said while a passing Nurse smiled at them.

“You are kind,” Andrea said and held his hand briefly. “Sorry I embarrassed you,” she
whispered.

They did not speak again as they walked the short distance to the entrance to enter their
waiting carriage and be conveyed along the traffic filled roads to the campus. But every few
minutes Andrea would turn and glance at his face as if trying to measure his feelings. But
his face betrayed no emotion.

He walked with her to her room, and stood outside as she opened the door.

“Please,” she said almost pleading, “I’d like you to come in.”

She lay on her bed while he sat, awkwardly, on the chair by the small study desk.

“I feel like I could sleep for a week, she said, and yawned.

Instead, she rested her head on her elbow as she looked at him. “Have you still got the
note?” she asked.

“I threw it away.”

“Good.” Then she sighed. “You know, I’m not depressed any more. When I woke up this
morning and saw the sunlight streaming through the window I was happy. There was this
woman in the bed next to mine – did you see her? – who’d had most of her bowel cut out.
They were very kind to her, the Nurses, but

you could see she was dying. I felt so ashamed, being there. Do you mind if I talk?”

”Of course not.”

“What will happen?” she asked softly. “About last night, I mean?”
“Nothing, I imagine. Unless you want to tell anyone.”

“No, of course not. Not even – “

“I’ve told him.”

She was not certain whether she was pleased or upset. “And?” she said, hesitantly.

“He’ll keep quiet, I imagine.”

“I’ll have to leave the University,” she said sadly.

“Do you really want to?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“I can’t face him.”

“I’ll be with you in lectures.”

She smiled at him. “You’re very sweet. But he is my personal tutor.”

“Change to someone else. It happens.”

“What could I say? What reason could I give?”

It was Fenton’s turn to smile. “With his reputation, you don’t need a reason.”
She thought for a while, and then said, “I just couldn’t bear it, seeing him.”

“Imagine what he would feel like, seeing you.”

Andrea laughed. “I can’t believe I was so stupid, last night.”

“In the midst of many, it is easy to be alone.”

“You know, I always thought you were so reserved. Aloof. Even a bit arrogant. But you’re
not, are you? You’re really kind.”

“You’ll have me blushing in a moment.”

“You’re not like other men.” Then realizing what she had said, added, “I’m sorry, I didn’t
mean – “

“It’s alright. I don’t keep it a secret. Anymore.”

“I mean you’re – for a man – oh, I’m not saying this right!” she finally said in exasperation. “I
mean I can actually talk to you. You understand.”

“And I am no threat,” he smiled in self-mockery.

She began to feel that she would not have minded if he were. She would feel safe, in his
arms, with the world shut out. But she said nothing and even tried to hide her feelings so
that they would not show in her face and eyes. She wanted to be strong and self-reliant, not
depending on men for her emotional security, but she did not know how to begin. She
remembered the father she saw only twice a year, her sisters leaving school early to work
while she studied, always alone in her life. Her always-disastrous relations with men. Her
need for love seemed to drive them away.

“There’s a strength in you,” she finally said. “An inner strength. I feel better just being with
you. Can we be friends?”

He gave a crooked smile. “I thought we already were.”

She jumped up to kiss him, then decided against it. The sudden movement made her feel
dizzy and she lay down on her bed again.

“You ought to get some rest,” he said with concern.

“Yes, I suppose so.” She smiled at him as she sat up. “I’ll get into bed, if you don’t mind.”

“Er, no. I was just going,” he said as he nervously stood because she had begun to remove
her clothes.

“Please,” she said, half-pleading and half-seductively, “stay and talk to me for a while.”
Naked except for her panties, she got into bed.

“Well, actually –“ he began.

“Please, just for a few minutes.”

He sat down again.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” she asked.

“Depends on the question!”

“Have you ever been with a woman?” she asked impulsively, surprised at her own audacity.

“I really ought to go,” he said as he stood up again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.” She suddenly realized that she did not want to be
alone. “Look, I’ll be honest with you, Carl. I need to be with somebody at the moment.”

“But I can’t – “
“Just hold me, please.” There was no longer any tone of seduction in her voice or manner,
just a pleading, a helplessness, and she began to cry, slowly and almost in silence.

He went to set beside her on the bed, and she clung to him, her tears wetting his shoulder
and drawing forth from within her some of the sadness and misery she felt. Her tears were
the rain from the clouds which had come to pass over the sun of her joy, and it was minutes
before the dark clouds retreated. She curled up, then, in the warmth of her bed, and closed
her eyes to sleep. He brushed her cheek dry and briefly kissed it before leaving her to the
silence of her room.

XIII

There were no meetings, lectures or tutorials to fill Colin’s afternoon, but he could not settle
down to his writing. He spent an hour wandering around the University library, but neither
the books nor some research he needed to do interested him, and he wandered the campus
in search of Magarita.

But she was not in her office, and he returned to his room in the Hall of Residence. But he
soon became listless and bored. Fiona troubled him, as Andrea and Fenton did, and as he
wandered for the third time around the campus, he began to realize he was alone. There
was no one with whom he could share his secrets; no one with whom he could talk without
assuming the mask of his role. He thought of Edmund, and it took him over an hour of
diligent and then frenzied searching in the piles of old letters, manuscripts and papers that
littered parts of his room before he found an address.

There was a grimy public telephone kiosk in a gloomy corner of Derwent college between
the lavatories and the Porter’s prison of glass, and he was approaching it when a crowd of
students came toward him, babbling. One of them, a brightly dressed young lady with frizzy
hair, waved at him, and he waved back. She smiled, and then was sucked away within the
crowd. He had no idea who she was, and shrugged his shoulders. Inside the soundproof
booth, graffiti declared: ‘Jesus Saves, Moses Invests, But Buckby spends it all.’ Buckby was
the Treasurer of the University.

His efforts were to no avail. There was no telephone number under that name, the
discordant voice emanating from the receiver had said. Disgruntled, he wandered back to
his bedroom. It was then he realized the drawer that contained his photographs was
unlocked. Had Andrea seen them? Was that the meaning of her cryptic message?

Suddenly, it seemed his world was in chaos. There would be no Professorship, only
rumours about his photographs, about Andrea’s attempted suicide. For a few moments he
panicked. But calmness eventually came, although the pains he felt in his stomach
remained. The ritual of cleaning and filling and lighting his pipe aided his thinking, and by
the time he had smoked his fill he was certain neither Andrea or Fenton would compromise
him. Yet a slight uncertainty remained, seeping down into his unconscious. Secure again in
the confines of his world, he lay on his bed reading academic books.

It was nearing five o’clock in the evening when he left his room, no longer able to resist the
temptation of visiting Andrea. He needed to know how she felt - what she would do. The
hours of his reading had brought light rain to the outside world, and sheen of wetness
pervaded the buildings and the paths which were entwined around them. It was only a short
walk to the building which housed Andrea’s room, which pleased him, since he so disliked
rain.

It was Fenton who opened Andrea’s door.

“She doesn’t want to see you,” Fenton said.

“Who is it?” a faint voice said.

“The esteemed Dr. Mickleman.”

“I’ll get dressed. Tell him to come back in a few minutes.”

Fenton smiled ruefully at Colin and then shut the door. Colin waited outside for the allotted
span, and then knocked on the door again.

Fenton, adopting the pose of a deferential butler, bowed slightly and in a disdainful accent
said, “Madam will see you now, sir.” He moved aside while Colin entered, then closed the
door.

“How are you?” Colin asked Andrea as she sat on her bed. She was demurely dressed, but
Fenton’s presence, the disordered bedclothes, the discarded female underclothes on the
floor, perplexed him.

Before Andrea could answer, Fenton said, “As well as might be expected under the
circumstances, sir.”

Colin ignored him. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked her.

“With all due respect, sir,” Fenton said, continuing with his accent and his role, “I believe
you have done quite enough already. May I therefore respectfully suggest you return to your
lucubrations? Shall I show the gentleman out, Madam?”

Andrea giggled.

“Very well Madam if that is what you wish.” For Colin’s benefit he gestured toward the door.
“This way, sir, if you please. Terrible weather, isn’t it? For the time of year.”

Colin was beginning to become annoyed. “Can I talk with you alone?” he asked Andrea.

Andrea affected her own accent and role. “Be so good,” she said to Fenton, “as to leave us.”

Fenton bowed. “As you wish. If Madam is quite sure.”

“Quite sure.”

“I shall be directly outside, should you at any time require my assistance.” He flicked
imaginary dust from his imaginary livery.

Colin waited until he and Andrea were alone. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“What will you do?”

“About what?”
“Does anyone else know?”

“Don’t worry,” she smiled. “I shall not make a fuss.”

“I didn’t mean – “

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Pardon?”

“At the lecture. On Kant’s aesthetics isn’t it?”

“Er, yes.” He did not know what else to say and stood immobile with his arms hanging limply
by his side.

Andrea rose to open the door, and as it was opened Fenton sprang into the room. But he
quickly resumed his role.

“The gentleman,” Andrea said, acting again, “is just leaving.”

“Very good, Madam. This way, sir.” Fenton gestured toward the corridor. Colin was at the
top of the stairs when Fenton, as Fenton, said, “If I were you, I’d leaver her alone from now
on.”

Andrea was sitting on her bed when he returned to her room.

“I was shaking and trembling,” she admitted, “seeing him again. I’m glad that’s over. I don’t
know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here.”

Reverting to his role, he said, “Your servant, Madam.”

She threw her pillow playfully at him, and then looked at her discarded underclothes on the
floor. “Do you think he thought – “ she began.

“Probably!”

They both laughed. She wanted to embrace him, but all she did was rest her head in her
hands and sigh.

“Some friends of mine,” Fenton said in an effort to comfort her, “are having a party tonight.
Would you like to come?”

“Not really. I’m not in the mood.”

“Well, when I say ‘party’ it’s not exactly the right word. Just a quiet get together.”

“Thanks, but no.”

“It’s sort of an informal gathering of the GaySoc.”

“Sorry?”

The Gay Society.”

“Sounds like the title of a thirties musical.”

“Maybe it was. Anyway, they’ll be some women there. It’s not all men. There’s someone
there I’d particularly like you to meet.”

She thought for a while, then said, “I don’t really think it would be my scene.”

“We are not all weirdoes you know.”

“I didn’t say you were. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Do I look offended?”

“No.”

“It would be good for you to get out – meet people.”

“I’m not really a gregarious person.”

“Look, I’ll tell you what. I have to go – for some silly reason I let myself be talked into
running the thing this year. But afterwards we can go out for a meal, just you and I.”

“You don’t have to take pity on me, you know.”

“Is that what you think?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“I’m asking you as a friend.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Alright, then – but I’m not sure I feel like eating much.”

“Doesn’t matter. Now you ought to get some more rest. Will you be alright?”

“I won’t do anything silly, if that’s what you mean.”

“No it was not what I meant. I meant I’ll stay and talk to you if you like.”

“I’ll be fine. I do still feel tired. You’ve done more than enough.”

“I’ll be back about six then.”

“Fine.”

He had opened the door to leave when she said, “You are very kind.”

Fenton shrugged his shoulders. “What are friends for?”

^^^^^^^

Fenton was over half hour late.

“Sorry!” he said as an anxious Andrea opened her door. “I fell asleep.”

Andrea wore a tight jumper and close-fitting trousers and even Fenton noticed that she was
wearing no bra, for her nipples stood out quite prominently. Fenton was dressed as he
almost always was in tweed jacket and trousers. Only the colour of his shirts and his badges
varied. His small but brightly coloured badge declared: Laugh Now, But One Day We’ll Be In
Charge.

“Are you ready,” he asked unnecessarily.

“Lead on!”

The gathering was held in the first floor room of one of the colleges. The chairs were low
and comfortable, the décor modern but subdued. The blinds were drawn to cover the
window and one table was spread with glasses, bottles of wine and cans of beer. Of the
nine students, three were women. They did not turn to stare as Andrea and Fenton entered,
and Andrea was surprised to find that all of those gathered in the room looked and dressed
like ordinary students.

Fenton saw her surprise. “What did you expect?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “They all look so normal.”

He adopted an effeminate pose. “Well to tell you the truth dear, we are. It’s the others who
aren’t!”

She cuffed him playfully on the ear with her hand.

“Come on,” he said, “I’ll introduce you.” He walked toward a tall woman with startling blue
eyes and very short black hair. “Julie,” he said to her, “this is Andrea.”

“Hi,” Julie said, and held out her bony hand.

Andrea blushed, held the proffered hand briefly, and said, “Hello!”

“What are you studying?” Julie asked her.

“Philosophy. And you?”

“Physics. Can I get you a drink?”

“Orange juice – if there is one.”

“We’ll see!” As she passed Fenton, Julie whispered in his ear. “Pretty, isn’t she?”

She was not away long, and Andrea clutched her glass nervously while she and Julie stood
on the edge of the conclave. Fenton moved away to talk to the others.

“What made you choose York?” Julie asked her.

“The course, mainly.”

“Do you like music?”

“It’s alright.”
“I just love Classical, myself. Now Carl – well! His taste runs to that horrendous noise he
calls ‘Progressive’. Personally, I would say ‘regressive’ – back to the primitive.”

She laughed at her own joke. “But enough of me – tell me about yourself.”

Andrea sipped her orange juice, and looked at Carl. He was obviously at ease, among
friends, and his laugh made her feel a little sad. “Are you in your first year?” she asked Julie.

“Heavens no! Only wish I were. Finals time! What made you chose philosophy?”

“Seemed a good idea at the time.”

“Are you liking it?”

“Yes and no.”

“We had a few lectures from a chap in your Department. On the philosophy of Science.
Can’t remember his name. Fancied himself, though. Tall chap – often wore black. Some
sort of gesture, I suppose. Typical arty-farty type. Do you know him?”

“Not really,” Andrea lied. She wanted to get away, to talk to Carl to leave the room. Julie
was smiling intently at her. “Have you any plans after your Degree?” she asked to hide her
embarrassment.

“Year off. Cycling across America, then Scandinavia.”

“You do a lot of cycling then?”

“Sure! I love it. You?”

“No. I am not very sporting.”

“You should try it! There’s a marvellous, simply marvellous, feeling about riding a bike –
such freedom. Just you, and your surroundings. You’re really in tune with your environment.
I love it – touring and racing, cycling at speed. You and the machine, a perfect harmony. All
your own effort and skill. Beautiful! I’ve a race – well, Time Trial actually – on Sunday.
Would you like to come?”

“Well, I was thinking of - “ she returned her gaze from Carl to Julie. There was something
about Julie’s earnest, youthful enthusiasm, which pleased her, and she smiled, envying her
vivacity.

“I’m afraid,” Julie was saying, “it starts rather early. Six in the morning actually. I’m off
number three – they always start the slowest riders first!” She laughed, again, rocking
slightly backwards on her feet and as she did so she lightly touched Andrea’s arm with her
hand. “It’s only twenty five though.”

“Sorry?”

“Twenty five miles. Fast course, though. I hope to do a One-Six.” Then seeing Andrea’s
obvious incomprehension, she added, “one hour, six minutes.”

“You mean,” Andrea said, astounded, “you cycle twenty five miles in just one hour and six
minutes?”

“More or less. I’m not as fast as some of the ladies, though.”

“That’s nearly – what?” she thought for a moment. “Twenty three miles an hour.”

Julie shrugged her shoulders. “Lots of ladies get under the hour.”

“You must be very fit.”

“Well, I do lots of training! It’s lovely to be out on the bike after hours of lectures or lab work.
Really relaxing. There’s only you, the bike and the road – everything else ceases to exist.
Marvellous for stress!”

“I doubt I could make it into the town on a bike.”

“Fancy a ride tomorrow? I’ve got an spare bike?”

“I’d only slow you down.”

”Nonsense! I like touring speeds as well.” She looked at Andrea’s body, letting her gaze
linger on her breasts. “You look fit enough. I’ve got a Flat in town. If you want to come round
about ten in the morning, say. I’ll give you the address.”

“Really, I –“

“No bother! Just a minute, I’ll borrow some paper and a pen.”

She returned with Carl, and scribbled her address on a crumpled sheet of paper. “I’ll look
forward,” she said as she gave it to Andrea, “to seeing you.” She turned toward Carl. “Got to
dash!” To Andrea’s surprise, Julie kissed Carl on the cheek, tousled his hair with her hand
and said, “You take care. Probably see you next week.” She waved at Andrea, smiled
warmly, and was gone from the room in a burst on energy. For a few seconds, Andrea
regretted her departure.

Then she was annoyed with herself. ‘I’m so fickle and immature,’ she thought.

“Come and meet the others.” Carl said to her.

“Can we go? I really not in the mood to be around people.”

“Of course. I’ll just say my farewells.”

He returned smiling and holding out some car keys. “Julian's lent me his car,” he beamed.

The car turned out to be an old Volkswagen laden with rust whose interior was sorely in
need of repair. But it conveyed them, albeit slowly, into the city centre. The restaurant Carl
had chosen was not expensive but the food was reasonable even if the service was slow
and the somewhat garish décor faded. But in the dim light it was easy to ignore.
Andrea settled for the soup while Carl ate, what seemed to her, a gargantuan meal.

“So you’ve arranged to see Julie again?” he asked.

“I let myself be talked into it.”

“She’s a bit like that,” he smiled.

“Is she -?”

“What do you think?”

“Silly question. God, I’m stupid! Why else would she be there!”

“I don’t think you are stupid,” he said gently.

“I must be! Shall I tell you something? No, on second thoughts, I won’t.”

“You can trust me, you know.”

She briefly held his hand. “I know.”

“You liked her, didn’t you?”

Andrea sighed. “Yes, I suppose so. But only because she showed an interest in me –
seemed to like me. I sometimes think I’m just a reflection of other people’s interest.”

“We all need to be liked.”

“But I seem to need others in a different way. Without them I sometimes feel I don’t exist at
all.”
“You just need someone to love you,” he said softly.

She cried then, not loudly or very much. “I know,” she said, almost as a whisper. “And I wish
it could be you.”

For some time he looked at her, not knowing what to say or do, and when he did speak, his
own emotion was evident in his measured words. “I’m sorry. But you will find someone. I
know you will. I do love you, as a friend.”

She turned away, then, to stare out of the window, her silent tears returning. Outside, in the
resurgent rain, people hurried along the pavement in the city-lit darkness, burdened with the
burdens of their worlds.

XIV

Such was Colin’s perplexity that, on leaving Andrea’s room, he did not notice the rain. It was
light, a mere drizzle to dampen clothes only with prolonged exposure, and he walked
through it along the campus paths to the streets beyond and thence to Fiona’s house.

He was early for his assignation, but she was not there and, disgruntled, he trudged back to
the University. No one disturbed him as he sat, alone in the Philosophy Department, in his
room, vaguely looking out from the window.

Tomorrow, he knew, he would see Andrea and Fenton at his lecture and this both pleased
and disturbed him, bringing discomfort to his stomach and pain to his head. He was pleased
because he wanted to show he was not concerned about their presence and secret
knowledge, and because he would then know what, if anything, they would do. Yet he was
agitated because that knowledge was another day away. He began, however, to prepare
himself. If necessity demanded it, he would say she was infatuated with him, and he spent
nearly an hour creating in his mind answers to any questions he might face.

Pleased with himself again, he issued forth from his office to walk briskly to Fiona’s house.
He was only a few minutes early and waited, leaning on her gate smoking his pipe. ‘I think
we’d make a good combination’ he remembered she had said, ‘in bed.’
He waited half an hour; then an hour, leaning against her fence, a nearby lamppost and her
door. He banged his fist against the door, stole a look through windows front and back, but
no one was seen or came, and it was another half and hour before, in disappointment, he
walked away. From his office he telephoned Magarita. But his recent experiences had done
nothing to change his habits, and in the bedroom of her almost city-centre and quite
artistically furnished flat, he resumed his manipulative role.

It was sad for Magarita that she loved him. She stood before him naked, her tawny hair held
neatly by a band behind her head and already he had remarked about her tendency to
plumpness. He held his camera ready.

“Go on!” he said, “just one of you sitting on the toilet.”

“No.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I just don’t want to, alright?” She had begun to frown, and made to grab her clothes..

“Come here,” he said, almost softly.

Reluctantly, she did. Then he was kissing her and steering her toward the bed. She
resisted, a little, but did not want to be alone and let him win again. Her ecstasy came slowly
and when it was over and she wished to lie warm and languid beside him resting her head
on his chest, he spoke to her again.

“Humour me,” he said and kissed her.

“Alright, then. But only one.”

He left shortly thereafter, clutching his undeveloped prize.

Sleep came easily to him on his own bed and he slept deeply until a disturbing dream
awoke him. He dreamed he was in Fiona’s bed, waiting for her to join him. She was a long
time, and he fell asleep. Then warm hands were caressing his body and genitals, arousing
him and he turned over to find not Fiona but Fenton, naked, beside him. Then Fenton was
guiding his hand, downward…. He awoke sweating and kicking his bedclothes onto the floor.

He did sleep again, but in spasms of half-conscious tiredness and deep perplexing dreams,
and when the hard, strident ringing on his clock alarm finally aroused him, he lay, tired and
yawning and disturbed. But the passing minutes faded his memory of the dream, until it
gradually slipped away from his conscious recollection. Outside, the sun glowed warmly,
and he rose to select from his untidy collection a recording of loud modern music.

Soon, he was ready for his day. He forsook the black clothes of his pose, choosing instead
a conventional ensemble replete with a silk bow tie. The effect pleased him and he smiled at
himself in the mirror.

He was not surprised to find Andrea and Fenton seated next to each other in the room
apportioned for his lecture. They did not smile or stare at him, but sat idly talking to those
around them, their notebooks and pens ready on the table before them, and he began to
wonder if it had all been some dream, for they appeared relaxed, at ease. But the feeling
passed. It had been real, and he himself began to tremble and sweat.

Then his own emotions faded, as he remembered the plan of his lecture. For he was, after
all, the master, they the disciples.

“Finally,” he said at his lecture’s end, “and in conclusion, you can say that Kant wished to
prove that aesthetic experience improves our lives: it makes or can make us moral beings.
In essence, that it its reason for existing. Any questions?”

“Yes,” Fenton said immediately. “So what you’re saying is that Kant’s aesthetics show the
value of things like Art resides in the moral realm?”

“Not exactly! I believe Kant hints – and I repeat only hints – that aesthetic experience
humanizes us. For example, in his ‘Solution to the Antinomy of Taste’ he – “

“Yes, but going on from there, what about the life of the artist – or indeed the philosopher.
Does their life have to be moral, in the conventional sense, for their works to be perceived
as sublime and thus contributing to an aesthetic experience?” Colin wanted to interject, but
Fenton continued. “If you, for example, study the lives of most of the great artists – and
some philosophers – you will find a certain turmoil, even moral turpitude. Then – “
“It is an interesting point,” he said, trying to smile. “But one not directly relevant to our study
of Kant.

“I think it is very relevant to aesthetics. Central to the life of the philosopher, in fact.”

“Perhaps you would like to study the matter further.”

“I would have thought you would have developed Kant’s – what did you call it? Hints? –
further.”

Colin looked around the room. “Any other points?” he asked.

Fenton said aloud, and to no one in particular, “it would make a good thesis – the lives of
philosophers in relation to their ideas. Is there a correlation between the humanity of their
teachings and the morality of their lives?”

“Perhaps,” Colin said with an elegant smile, “you should write a thesis about it – assuming
you pass your finals.”

“No,” Fenton said, screwing up his face into a gargoyle-like expression, ‘it’s a boring
subject. Much more important things to do.”

Gradually the students left. In the corridor, Colin heard talk and laughter. Was it about him,
he wondered? But no one stared at him as he walked to his office. He was inside, smoking
his pipe and glancing at Kant’s ‘Observations on the Feeling of the Beautiful and the
Sublime’ when a possible solution to what he saw as a potential problem occurred to him.
He had no diary or timetable to consult, for he despised dependence on such items, but he
know from memory that no engagements, lectures, tutorials or assignations would hinder
him, and he used his telephone to summon a taxi to convey him to his destination.

In his intense satisfaction, he rubbed his hands together and smiled.

XV
Andrea had made her excuses in a brief telephone conversation and it was with some
reluctance that she arrived at Julie’s Flat in the afternoon at the re-arranged time. The Flat
was part of an elegant Georgian building some distance from the centre of the city where a
road fed an incessant stream of traffic and a little piece of parkland opened wide. But inside,
there was only a perfumed silence, a clutter of books, furniture and bikes.

“The weather is just right! Julie said. “Do you want something to drink or shall we make a
start?”

“I’m fine.”

“Good! Here you are.” She pointed to a bike in the small corridor. “I’ve adjusted the saddle
height for you.”

“Thanks.”

Julie laughed. “Don’t look so worried! Right, if you want to lug that down, I’ll get changed
and be right with you.”

The cycle was lighter than Andrea expected, and she waited outside the front door of the
apartment feeling slightly conspicuous. Julie duly arrived wearing skin-tight cycling shorts
and jumper and carrying her gleaming bike. The shorts were black but the jumper was
bright and banded. ‘York Road Club’ was flocked in large letters on the back.

Soon, Andrea was regretting her acceptance. The roads they took led them after a few
miles beyond the limits of the city and, as houses gave way to hedges and fields, Andrea
was tired and sweating profusely. She judged their pace fast; although for Julie it was only a
slow dawdle.

“You alright?” Julie kept saying as she dropped back to ride beside her.

Andrea would nod, and smile, and turn the pedals faster in an effort to convince. But after a
few more miles even her pride could not make her continue. She dismounted to lean the
cycle against a field gate and sit herself on the ground. Julie returned to sit beside her.
“Here,” Julie said, giving her a handkerchief from a pocket of her jumper.

“Thanks.” She wiped the sweat on her forehead away.

“You look done in.”

“I am!”

“The sun is warm, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you take your cardigan off? You must be hot.”

Andrea looked at her suspiciously, but Julie laughed and said, “don’t worry! I’m not after
your body – nice though it is!”

“I didn’t think you were,” Andrea said quietly and without conviction.

“I just want to be your friend. You seem to need one.”

“Is that what Carl said?”

“He said nothing. I like you, that’s all. Alright, so I’m gay. Big deal.”

Andrea felt like a fool and, although she did not want to because she did not feel particularly
warm sitting in the breeze, she removed her cardigan.

“You thirsty?”

“Yes.”
“There’s a little tea shop just up the road.”

“Ah! Just what I need!” Then she added: “What do you mean by ‘just up the road?”

“About five or six miles.”

“Six miles?” Are you serious?”

“Well, it was about six last time I looked on a map.”

“I didn’t mean that!”

“Think you can make it?”

“I don’t think so. But even if I could, we’ve got to ride back. How far is it back, anyway –
from here?”

“Six or seven miles – no more.” She stood up and held out her hand. “Come on then!
Home.”

Andrea let Julie help her up. She did not want to jerk her hand away as they stood facing
each other for fear that Julie would misunderstand, so they stood looking at each other and
holding hands for almost a minute. It was Julie who broke the contact, turning away
abruptly. Then she was smiling again.

“I was going to say,” she laughed, “race you back!”

“Only if you give me an hours start!” She wrapped the arms of her cardigan around her
waist.

A few cars passed them on their way into the city, and high cloud came to haze the sun. But
it was a pleasant ride, for Andrea, and even the city streets, often dense with traffic, did not
unduly disturb her. Yet she was glad when it ended. Her arms and legs ached, a little, her
crotch a lot, and she felt bathed in her own sweat. The Flat felt warm and she let Julie carry
both bicycles, one after the other, up the stairs and into the spare room where they rested
with others.

“What do you want first,” Julie asked her as they sat on the sofa, “Tea or a bath?”

Andrea blushed, and turned her face away. “Tea, I think.”

“Any preference?”

“Sorry?”

“What sort of tea would you like? Darjeeling? Assam? Formosa Oolong? Gunpowder?”

“I really don’t mind.”

“Look around. I won’t be long.”

In the kitchen, Julie began to sing. Andrea did not know what it was except that it sounded
like opera. There were piles of books nearly enclosing the sofa, and Andrea picked the first
book off one of them. ‘Lectures on Physics’ the bright red cover read. But the mathematical
questions, the diagrams and even most of the words were meaningless to her, and she
selected another. ‘Duino Elegies’. She was flicking through the pages when a handwritten
piece of paper fell to the floor. The handwriting was vaguely familiar and she began to read.
It was set out in stanzas and bore the title: ‘Fragment 31’.

Equal of the gods, it appears to me,

The man who sits beside you

And, being so near, listens

While you softly speak

And laugh your beautiful laugh

That in honesty makes my heart to tremble.

When I unprepared meet you

I am tongue-tied, words dry in my mouth

Flames dance under my skin

And I am blinded,

Hearing only the beating of my pulse.

My body, bathed in sweat, sways

And I am paler than sun burnt grass

And nearer to death…

She read the poem three times, and began to cry because it was so simple and yet so well
expressed the feelings of love. How many times in the past few years of her life had she felt
tongue-tied and trembled when she had met a beloved? Carefully, she wiped away the
tears and replaced the paper within the book. She turned around and saw Julie watching
from the doorway to the kitchen.

Julie did not speak but came to sit beside her and gently touch her face with her hand.

“I think your kettle is boiling,” Andrea finally said. But she was momentarily sad when the
gentle touching stopped.

“What were you reading?” Julia asked almost nonchalantly, as they sat with their mugs of
tea.

Nervous and embarrassed, Andrea gave her the book.

“Ah! The Sappho. Carl translated it for me. Lovely, isn’t it?”

“Carl?” she asked. She had heard of Sappho, vaguely, but only now made the connection
with the love between two women. She blushed, for suddenly that love seemed quite real
and not strange. It was not that she identified with it but rather she intuitively understood in
that moment that the love between two women was in no way different from the love
between a woman and a man. In that instant, all the conditioned responses, foisted upon
her by her upbringing and society, of Sapphic love as unnatural and unhealthy, vanished.

“Carl?” she heard herself repeating, like an echo in a dream.

“Yes. He quite talented, you know. Could have been a classical scholar. Well anyway,” she
laughed her vivacious laugh, “that’s what he tells me!”

Andrea smiled in response, and for the first time let her liking of Julie show in her face.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Andrea said.

“Of course!” She put her mug on the floor. “I know how you feel about him,” she said quietly.

“What do you mean?” Then: “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

“It’s alright. I saw.” Julie said, and held Andrea’s hand, “how you looked at him last night.”

“It’s not like that,” Andrea retorted and withdrew her hand. “He helped me through a very
difficult time, that’s all.”

Julie simply smiled. “You don’t have to explain.”

“You make me want to.” She felt a desire to explain about her attempted suicide, but the
desire did not last. “This race of yours on Sunday. What time did you say it started?”

“Six. You coming, then?” she asked enthusiastically.

“Yes, I’d like to.” She felt a fool about almost loving Carl.

Julie held up the book of Rilke’s poetry. “Have you read any?” she asked.
“No. I was never one for poetry at school.”

“I’m not surprised – considering the drivel they teach!” Shall I read you some?” Then, before
Andrea could answer she said, “You don’t speak German do you?”

“No, sorry.”

“Ah well. But this translation is superb. Best ever done.” She opened the book and began to
read.

After she had read the first elegy, they sat in silence for what seemed a very long time until
Julie rose to play a record on her high-fidelity system. So they listened, and talked and read
aloud to each other while the hours of the afternoon passed, the sun clouded over and
twilight came to the world outside. And when the time of leaving came, as she knew it must,
Andrea stood, re-assured in friendship, to embrace her new friend.

“I’ll see you on Sunday, then,” Andrea said before beginning her descent of the stairs.

“I’ll look forward to it.”

And so will I, Andrea thought as she walked toward the door.

XVI

The taxi conveyed Colin to the gate of Magnus’ farm leaving him free to walk the track
under the warm sun with trees and singing birds around him. The breeze refreshed him, and
he slowed his pace.
No one came to greet him as he walked to the farmhouse, or answer his knock, and he
stood looking round the farmyard where the odour of muck pervaded.

“Yes?” said a strong voice, startled him.

He turned to face Magnus. Tall though he himself was, Colin had to look up. Magnus’
sheepdog growled at him.

“Hi! I’m Colin. Edmund’s friend.” Wary, he moved away from the dog.

“He’s not here,” Magnus said gruffly.

“Well, it’s really Alison I came to see.”

“Is that so? And what would you be wanting with her?”

“I’d just like to talk to her.”

“Colin, you say?” Magnus asked, inspecting him.

“Yes. Colin Mickleman.”

“We don’t get many strangers, here.”

“She is here, isn’t she?”

“Could be. You any good with pigs?”

“You what?”

Magnus gave Colin the large shovel leaning against the wall. “I’ll get some boots. That lot,”
he indicated the pigpens, “needs shifting.”

Colin was still gaping in amazement when Magnus returned.

“But Alison,” Colin protested as Magnus handed him the boots.

“She’ll be along. Shouldn’t take you long to shift that lot.” The dog followed him as he
walked away.

At first, Colin stood beside the smelly, stone-built sties whose occupants grunted loudly.
Then, tired of waiting, he climbed over one of the low walls. To his surprise, the pigs did not
attack him and he began the imposed task. Soon he was removing his jacket and rolling up
the sleeves of his shirt. The work was half done – or seemed to him to be half done – when
a woman’s laugh made him straighten his already aching back and turn around.

“You’ve found your true vocation, I see,” Alison said. She was dressed in obviously well
used working denim clothes.

“Very funny.” He put down his shovel.

“They seem to like you,” she said, indicating the pigs. “Recognize their kin I suppose.” She
laughed again.

Colin stepped back over the wall.

“You haven’t finished.” She said, disapprovingly.

“I came to see you, not muck out a pig sty!”

“A bit of practice – perhaps you’ll start with your room next!”

He ignored the insult and wiped sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. “Is he
always like that?”
“Who?”

“That big chap.”

“You mean Magnus? He's affable enough. Quite sweet, really.”

“You could have fooled me.”

“He obviously did!”

He winced, trying to ignore her laughter. “Is there anywhere I can wash?” he asked.

“There’s a tap over there.” She pointed to the wall of one of the buildings.

“Thanks,” he said, obviously displeased. He returned to change back into his shoes and
jacket. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“What’s wrong with here? Fresh air, the smell of the country.”

“Well – it is not the perfect setting.” The pigs were grunting again.

“I suppose we could sit in the garden.”

He followed her. “Well?” she asked as they sat on the bench.

“This is not exactly easy.”

“What isn’t?”

He sighed deeply, and then looked around. No one was watching, or even about, and he
heard only the distant noise of the pigs, the songs of birds and the breeze in the trees.
“Will you marry me?” he asked.

For some reason Alison was so surprised she could not speak and when she did her voice
was a single loud exclamation. “What!”

He shuffled his feet. “Will you marry me?” he repeated.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

To fill the embarrassed silence, he said, “I know I have my faults, but I can try to change.”

She felt an instant love for him and remembered with intensity her former needs and
desires. “Thanks,” she said briefly squeezing his hand with her own, “I do appreciate it.”

“Does that mean ‘no’ then?”

“It wouldn’t work.”

“It could.”

She watched his face become pale. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I really am, but I don’t love you.
Not anymore, anyway.”

He was more sad that he could have imagined. “Perhaps it is for the best.” He stood up. “I
was serious, you know.”

“I know.” She stood up and kissed him briefly.

“I’d better go.”

“How will you get back?”

”I have a taxi waiting.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I was going to ask you to come back with me. We’d look for a Flat or house somewhere.
I’ve got some savings.”

Alison looked up at the sky. “Looks like it might rain.”

In that moment, as he stood beside her, his arms hanging limply beside him, he looked to
her like a lost child. She embraced him warmly. “I’ll visit you,” she said before running
toward the house. She had almost reached the door when she ran back.

“I haven’t changed my mind,” she said, “about the termination. I just wanted you to know. In
case you thought – “ She was watching his face when she spoke, and even as the words
were issuing forth from her mouth – an expression of her feeling and sudden confusion –
she regretted saying them. “It wouldn’t have worked,” she added.

He shrugged his shoulders. “No, maybe not. Silly idea, really.”

“No it wasn’t! It was the real you. I only wish you’d shown that more often in the past.”

“I’d better get back. Can’t keep the taxi waiting for ever.”

“Will you be alright?” she said, almost as an afterthought as he began to walk away.

He turned, and she could see the face of his posing.

“I have weathered the storm,” he said, “I have beaten out my exile.” He bowed, smiled, and
then turned away to lope along the winding driveway to the distant gate.

He had lied about the waiting taxi, and it was a long walk to the nearest village. There were
no shops in the village, not even an Inn, and he was surprised when the elderly lady, bent
by arthritis, who answered his knocking upon her cottage door, let him use her telephone.
The taxi was a long time coming, and he sat in her heated parlour drinking the tea she
offered. She chatted amiably until his city transport came. He had been pleased,
embarrassed and arrogantly cynical about her unaffected hospitality to a stranger, and it
occurred to him as he sat in the car whose driver drove it along the, at first, twisty lanes and
then the major roads to York, that his divergent feelings summoned up his attitudes to life.
But this self-analysis made him even more depressed, and he arrived back at the University
exhausted.

Darkness found him sitting smoking his pipe in the untidy clutter of his bedroom. He had
begun to read several books, discarding one after the other after only a few lines were read,
as he had several times begun to write an academic article promised weeks ago to the
editor of a prestigious journal. But he was in no mood for work, his stomach pains had
returned, and he sought relief by sauntering toward Andrea’s room. He did not know what to
do when he got there.

“Hello,” he said as she, only recently returned, opened the door.

For a few seconds she felt pleased to see him, but the feeling vanished. Perhaps Carl’s and
Julie’s friendship had given her some of the strength she needed, for she said, although not
in a harsh voice, “I don’t think we’ve got anything to say to each other.”

“I just came to apologize,” he said. Only half of him was sincere – for the Owl inside him
was hoping to avoid any future problems.

“I’ll be changing tutors,” she said, attempting a smile. Now, she was wishing he would go
away.

“Fine. I’ll arrange it for you if you like.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I suppose I’d better get back to my work. I really am sorry.”

“So am I.” She closed the door upon him.

He had returned to his office and was sitting at his desk, smoking his pipe and wondering
how to fill the long hours of the evening, when he heard footsteps outside. But it was only
Storr, shuffling to his own room carrying a bundle of books. He was disappointed, and
telephoned Fiona’s house. There was no reply.

“Enter!” Storr said as Colin knocked at his door.

“You don’t happen to know where Fiona is, do you?” she asked as he entered.

Storr gave his quirky and toady smile. “Didn’t you know? She’s, er, gone away for some
days.”

“Do you know when she will be back?”

“Er, Monday. Yes, Monday. Anything I can help you with?”

“No.”

“You ready for Tuesday?” he slobbered.

“Just about. I don’t rate my chance, though.”

“Come, come! Er, you underestimate yourself. Yes indeed.”

He lifted one of the books off the stack on his desk. “My latest book,” he smirked. “You, er,
won’t have seen it yet, of course.”

“Well, I’ll have to get back to work.”

“You’re welcome to a copy, of course.” He held on out.

He humoured him, for Storr might next week become the Professor, “Thanks.” He walked
toward the desk and took the book.

“That will be ten pounds.”

“You what?” said a surprised Colin.

“Ten pounds. Er, that includes the discount.”

Colin was annoyed. He put the book back on the desk. “I’ll read the Library copy. I’m sure
you will be donating one. Or six.”

“Possibly, possibly.” Storr seemed oblivious to the comment. He looked lovingly at a copy of
his book and spread his clammy hand over the spine. “So important for, er, a Professor to
have an established reputation, don’t you think?”

“Depends on the reputation.”

“Quite, quite! My feeling exactly. Well, I’m glad we’ve had this little chat – cleared the air, so
to speak. I do so, er, wish fortune favours you on Tuesday. Yes, indeed!” He glanced at his
watch. “My word! I must be off. Er, nice to talk to you Colin.”

“I can’t say it’s been a pleasure,” he mumbled almost inaudibly in reply and left to seek the
Union Bar with the intention of drinking himself into an alcoholic stupor.

Among the milling, sitting and standing crowd in the smoke infested room, he thought he
saw Edmund. But when he pushed his way through the students, the individual had gone,
leaving him to sit alone and self-pitying while an excess of alcohol dulled the processes of
his brain.

XVII

Sunday. Six o’clock in the morning, and Andrea yawned. It was quite cold, and she shivered
as she stood on the verge of the road watching Julie pedal seemingly effortlessly away from
the lay-by. A few other cyclists, all in racing clothing, ambled along, waiting for the start.

Then the first rider, his bicycle held steady by a helper, bent his head as the Timekeeper
counted down the seconds of his start.

“Five-Four-Three-Two-One. Go!

He was away, sprinting toward the rising sun where the road swung gently between hedges
and fields and trees, to disappear from sight. No traffic came past to spoil the scene, and
Andrea saw Julie join the small queue of riders that had formed.

“Good luck!” she said as she came to stand beside her.

“Thanks!” Julie’s smile was short. “This is the worst bit – waiting.”

She had covered her legs in strong smelling embrocation and Andrea found the smell faintly
pleasing. It seemed somehow to complement the scene: the gleaming cycles, the strain of
nervous anticipation upon the faces of those waiting.

Then Julie herself was gone, and Andrea walked slowly back to where Julie had left the car.
It was the same one that Carl had borrowed with the addition of a rather grease-covered
sheet to cover the rear seat whereon Julie’s cycle, with the wheels removed, had rested.
Andrea sat inside, and waited, watching riders cycle by, a few cars arrive to disgorge their
drivers and their cycles. Then, tired of sitting, she stood by the side of the road.

“You’re Julies friend, aren’t you?” a young man asked her as he brought his cycle to a stop
beside her.

His ginger hair was short but curled, and on the back of his cycling jumper she saw the
words ‘York Road Club’.

“Yes,” she said. His body was lean rather than muscular and his face was broadly smiling.

“There is no wind,” he said looking around, “should be fast times, today.”

“What time do you hope to do?” she asked, trying to appear knowledgeable.

“Not too bothered, really. Early in the season yet. Still, I’ll be satisfied with a fifty-five.”
“What number do you start?” It was pleasant, she felt, chatting, while the sun gradually
warmed the earth and the friendly cyclists gathered in groups around her, talking in their
sometimes strange jargon: ‘There I was, honking up the hill on fixed when the rear tub
blew…'

The young man smiled at her. “I’m off at last. You not riding?”

“No. Well, actually Julie is trying to convert me.”

“Got promise, she has,” he said, seemingly to no one in particular. “What do you do?” he
asked her directly.

“I’m at University.”

“Well, nobody’s perfect!”

His broad smile stopped her being offended.

He looked at his watch. “Better get warmed up. Hope I’ll see you later.”

“Maybe.”

He had started to cycle away when he shouted back. “See you at the result board, then.”

Nearly an hour had elapsed since Julie’s departure and she was sauntering to where
another Timekeeper stood beside a checkered board when Julie swept past, her eyes fixed
intently on the road ahead of her, her speed fast. There were a few cheers from the small
crowd as she went by to only gradually slow her speed while a single car, its occupants
staring at the strange spectacle, noisily motored past.

It seemed to Andrea a long time before Julie returned, sweating, her face flushed but
pleased. Carefully, she leant her cycle against the car before briefly embracing Andrea.
Then she was covering herself in extra clothing.
“You alright?” Andrea asked.

“Great! First time under the hour!” She checked the stopwatch strapped to the handlebars
of her cycle for the third time.

They were soon standing among the crowd around the results board where Julie revelled in
the congratulations from members of her own and other clubs. Slowly, the board became
full of times set against the listed names, and Andrea, feeling somewhat bored, was
watching a man write ’55-23’ against the name of the last rider to start when the young man
came and stood beside her.

“I see Julie broke the hour,” he said, and wiped his brow of sweat. A dark tracksuit swathed
his body.

“Yes,” and she returned his smile. “Looks like you won easily.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “It was a good day. No real opposition. Fast men are riding
Boro’ course today.

“Hey!” Julie said a she joined them. “Congratulations!”

“And to you!” He accepted her sisterly kiss, but blushed.

“Well,” Julie said to Andrea, briefly touching her arm with her hand, “you deserve
congratulating as well!”

“Sorry?”

Julie laughed. “You’ve got to talk to him after a race! Usually he just goes off by himself.”

Andrea watched the young man blush again.

“Ah!” Julie turned, and waved at someone in the crowd still gathered around the board,
“there’s Jill. I’ll see you in a minute.”
They both watched her go. For almost a minute there was an embarrassed silence between
them. Andrea broke it by asking, “What does the J stand for?” She pointed toward his name
on the board.

“James.”

“I’m Andrea. Is this your fastest time?”

“No. I’ve done a short fifty-four. You don’t race, then?”

“’Fraid not. Didn’t know such things existed until I met Julie.”

“That used to be the point. Anyway, I’d better be off, doesn’t do to stand around too long.”

“I suppose not.”

He looked around, then said somewhat shyly, “There’s a club ‘ten’ on Wednesday evening if
you’d like to come.”

“Yes. Yes, I would.”

”I’ll see you there, then.”

She saw him walk toward an older man, give him the tracksuit and collect his cycle. Soon
he was out of sight as he pedalled down the road. He seemed to her to make his riding
seem effortless.

“James gone, then?” Julie asked her.

“Yes. Is there a club something-or-other on Wednesday?”

“A ten mile time trial, yes. Why?”

“James mentioned it. You going?”

“Usually do. You certainly made an impression on him.”

“What do you mean?”

“He hardly talks to anybody. Quiet type of chap. Mind you,” she said in a quieter voice,
“can’t blame him. I quite fancy you myself. As if you didn’t know.”

Andrea smiled weakly.

But Julie said, “Don’t worry! I do understand.” She kissed her briefly, then walked quickly
away. The tears she felt were soon suppressed, and she needed only a barely perceptible
movement of her hand to wipe her eye dry. “Marvellous time James did, wasn’t it?” she said
to a club member among the crowd as, out of the corner of her eye, she watched Andrea
watching the road. She knew her friend was hoping for James to return.

Nearby, two blackbirds vied in song.

XVIII

Colin Mickleman felt uneasy. The late afternoon sun was warm as he walked toward
Derwent and the inevitable congratulations.

The interview had astounded him. The Vice-Chancellor was exceedingly affable, and the
whole exercise seemed a formality, as if they were, in the favoured tradition of elderly
academics, being polite and excusing him for his temerity in applying. ‘Too young’, he
thought they would mutter among themselves while he sat with the other candidates
awaiting their judgement; ‘no substantial work published’ they would smile.

Now, in the busy soft lateness, he was walking toward his Department. No one stopped him,
as he half-expected them to, saying: ‘Good afternoon, Professor!’ No one – student, staff or
friend – ran to him saying: ‘Well done! And so young!’

Instead, the quiet steady sameness of concrete, path, students and sun remained as they
had remained for years, and he waited uneasily, fearing it was all a mistake.

‘We’re so sorry, Doctor Mickleman. We’ve made the most dreadful mistake….” It was
unbelievable because it had been so easy.

They were waiting, as he expected them to be – crowded into the secretarial office. Some
bottles of wine had been procured and, in turn, they all offered their sincerest
congratulations. Fiona – voluptuous, delectable Fiona; Mrs. Cornish – almost prim, except
she had exchanged her small cigars for a pipe; Horton, squeezing his hand painfully:
‘Excellent choice! They have seen sense at last!' Even Whiting. They were all present,
shaking his hand, opening their mouths with thanks and praise. Except Storr, who looked on
sourly, and soon slunk away.

Soon the insincere statements began. “I was hoping they would appoint you,” said Hill.

Timothy, in an azure ensemble and wearing a strong perfume, clasped Colin’s hand weakly.
“You don’t look very happy,” he said quietly.

“Just surprised.” He looked around, desperate to be rescued.

“I’m sure you’d like to be alone.”

“What?” Then, seeing that Timothy was sincere, he added, “Yes. Yes I would.”

“You’ll need time to adjust.”

Colin smiled, and escaped to his office. Its chaos seemed out of keeping with his
Professorship, and in a frenzy of activity he began to try to tidy it. It was some minutes later
when he realized his efforts would be in vain since he would be given new offices as befitted
his new status, and he sat down at his still cluttered desk to smoke his pipe. But he soon
became filled with a nervous excitement.
His walk took him down to the lake and he wandered along the grassy bank between trees
of willow, pleased with himself and his world. He was approaching the wooded bridge of
Spring Lane, shadowed by trees, when he saw Fiona. She was leaning against the lattice of
the bridge in an animated conversation with the Vice-Chancellor, and it seemed to Colin
from his posture and her smile that there existed intimacy between them. He could not hear
the words that passed between them and was about to walk away when Fiona turned and
saw him. She waved and then spoke briefly to the Vice-Chancellor who staidly walked
away, as befitted his position and traditional manner of dress.

Colin was still standing by the side of the lake, his mind befuddled, when she approached
him

“I think,” she said softly, and smiled, “you owe me a favour.”

“Is that so?” He had tried to make his voice sound strong, but his words emerged as a
feeble croak.

“I shall have my camera ready. Tonight.” She laughed, and left him standing trembling and
alone.

It was several minutes before he resumed his walk. The Physics building, Goodricke,
Wentworth, Biology, Vanbrugh, Langwith… he passed them all to finally stop by a narrow
wooden bridge whose trees sang with the songs of birds. He stood and listened, watching
the water below him swell gently.
But his surroundings did nothing to ease the turmoil of his mind, and he walked back toward
his office with stomach pains grieving him.

At the top of the stairs he met Timothy. “Visited you new office yet?” he asked in a friendly
manner.

“No,” came the curt Mickleman reply.

But Timothy was not offended. “If there is anything I can do to help –“

“No thank you!” His stomach pains seemed worse.

“But even you need someone to talk to.”

Timothy’s eyes were evidential of understanding, and Colin’s impending, and clever, insult
was negated by his sudden and momentary empathy with him. For a quintessential moment
of time he perceived the human person behind the mask of the individual before him:
someone who lived, and who probably suffered; who experienced sadness and joy,
pleasure and pain.

But the moment was only a moment: his own patterns of thought and feeling flowed on past
this one insight to create another moment when he was not a unity with all things. Yet an
almost ineffable memory remained.

“Thanks,” he said kindly.

Timothy smiled. “It is better to live unhappily than not to live at all.”

Then he was gone, down the stairs. But it was not long before a shadow fell between
Colin’s moment of understanding and his past.

Magarita was in her own small office in the quiet confines of her Department, and he sat on
the edge of her desk while she continued to type her letter. The room was obsessively tidy
with a profusion of plants scattered around.

“Look, I am very busy,” she said. “I must get this done.”

“You haven’t heard, then?”

“Heard what?” She did not look up from her work.

“Nothing important,” he sulked.

She continued with her typing for a while as he began to rearrange the furnishings on her
desk.

Exasperated, she shouted: “Stop it!”

He was still for only a short time, and began to noisily remove, and then replace, books from
her bookcases.

“Aren’t you going to ask?” he said.

“Whatever it is, I’m not interested! Damn! Now look what you’ve made me do!” She tried to
correct her typing mistake.

“I was appointed Professor today,” he said with apparent indifference.

“Bully for you!”

“Is that all you can say?”

She made another mistake and, in anger, tore the paper from the typewriter, screwed it up
into a ball and threw it at him.

He smiled. “I stood still,” he said, quoting his favourite poet of the year, “and was a tree
amid the wood, knowing the truth of things unseen before.” He smiled again. “To wit. I
surmise you period is coming.”

She was struggling to insert another sheet of paper into her typewriter as he said this, but
crumpled it. She yanked it out. It also became a projectile but missed its target. “Just leave
me alone!” she shouted.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go and celebrate. You’ll feel better.”

His assumptions infuriated her, and she threw a book at him.

“Temper! Temper! Her breasts had wobbled as she threw the book, and he came to her and
tried to touch them, his lust aroused.
She pushed him away, but he persisted. Then she slapped his face.

“Leave me alone!” She shouted.

For a few seconds he stood staring at her, and then turned to walk out of her room. He
waited outside, in the corridor, for many minutes, expecting her to follow, and when she did
not he walked into the cloud-weakened sunlight. Behind him, he could hear her typewriter
clacking. He had not gone far when his stomach pains returned, fiercer than before. He was
soon back at her room.

“What do you want?” she asked querulously as he opened the door.

He held his hand against his stomach. “I’ve got those pains again.”

“Go to the Doctor, then,” she said without sympathy. “It’s getting late and I must finish this
and get it into the post.”

Her indifference perplexed him. She began to type again, but stopped after a few seconds.

“Look,” she said, sighing, “I’ve been doing some thinking today and I think it would be better
if we didn’t see each other again.”

“What?”

“You heard. It’s over.”

Sudden, outright rejection was a new experience for him and he stared at her. His pain
became worse. “Alright, then if that’s what you want.” His indifference was affected.

“Yes it is. We are just not compatible.”

“I thought we got on rather well.”

“There is more to a relationship than sex. Anyway, I must finish this letter.”
“Fine.” He shrugged his shoulders and began to wonder who might be next on his list of
conquests.

He was at the door when she said, “And by the way. Congratulations, Professor Mickleman.”

He did not see her begin to cry.

By the time he reached Fiona’s house both his body and his spirit had recovered, and he
leaned against her doorframe, smiling as he knocked.

A bath towel hung loosely around Fiona’s body. “Come in!”

“Your invitation – “ he said as she closed and locked the door firmly behind him.

“Shall we go up?” She pointed toward the stairs.

“Not for what you have in mind.”

“Really?” She smiled, and seemed unconcerned by his tone.

“OK So I’d like to go to bed with you.”

“You do surprise me,” she said mockingly.

“But as for your little games – no way!”

“Such a shame. Are you so afraid of me?”

“I’m not afraid of you at all!” he countered.

“Really?” She smiled at him again. “You do surprise me. You do, however, own me a
favour.”

“So what? There is nothing you can do – now.”

“Are you sure?”

He was not certain, but did not let any of his doubt show. “Let’s go upstairs,” he said quietly.

Slowly, she removed her towel to stand naked before him then turn and walk up the stairs.
On her bed, the camera and handcuffs lay ready. He saw them, as he entered the room.

“Take your clothes off!” She commanded him, and held the camera ready.

“No!” He moved toward her, and knocked the camera out of her hand but before he could
push her down to the bed as he had intended, she kicked him in the groin. He fell to the
ground, helplessly clutching his genitals, and by the time he had recovered sufficiently to
look up, she was dressed in a bathrobe.

“Get out!” She said sternly, and he slowly obeyed.

She pushed him through the front door of her house.

“You’ll pay for this, you bastard!” she shouted as he half-hobbled down her garden path
toward the street.

Slowly, it began to rain.

XIX

The silence of the mountain was disturbed only by the wind, and Colin stood contentedly
observing the view. From Glyder Fawr he could see the smoothed outline of Snowdon in the
distance and then, in the east, the jagged rocks of the Castle of the Winds, only a short walk
from the slate-strewn plateau where he stood. There was no sun, only mist edging its way
toward him and gradually obscuring his view. Then there were faces around him – a coven
of laughing faces enclosing him in their circle. Fiona was there, laughing. And Andrea.
Fenton and Alison – all laughing while he stumbled toward the edge, trying to escape.

“You’ll pay for this!” Fiona’s voice said.

There was no father to rescue him, as there had been in his youth when, together, they
climbed the Idwal slabs below. He felt himself falling – only to awake in the dim light of a
hospital ward at night. In a bed nearby someone coughed loudly.

Three nurses were sitting together at a table in the middle of the ward, a low lamp spreading
a pool of light around them, and Colin began to wonder what Fiona had done to him. ‘You’ll
pay for this, you bastard!’ he remembered.

But his attempt to sit up and get out of his bed brought a return of his stomach pain, and he
lay back, sweating and remembering the events of the evening. The pains had become
excruciating as he, like a drunken man, had staggered away from Fiona’s house. There was
a brief telephone call he had made from somewhere to his Doctor. A brief visit by the Doctor
to his bedroom, and then the Ambulance and another medical examination. “We’ll keep you
in overnight. For observation,” the youthful hospital Doctor said.

Sleep proved difficult for Colin. The ward was stuffy, with a subdued but persistent
background of noise – coughing, the movements of patients in their beds, the wandering of
the watchful Nurses, someone snoring – and his pain was not a sedative.

Dawn found him restive and anxious. There was a trolley laden with an urn of tea, but his
pleading was in vain, for the smiling but elderly Auxiliary Nurse pointed to the red sign that
hung in adornment from the top of his bed: ‘Nil By Mouth’ it read.

“But why?” he asked.

“Doctor’s orders. They’ll see you in the morning, dear.”

“But it is morning.”
“Later. When they do the rounds.”

When this ‘later’ came – after much activity among both the patients and staff including a
trolley bearing an assortment of sometimes richly smelly breakfasts – the assembled huddle
of white coats with dangling stethoscopes and attendant blue-clad, stern faced Sister simply
passed him by, except for a curt: ‘He can go home’ issuing forth from a wizened face.

A lowly young Nurse came bearing these tidings some minutes later.

“You can get dressed now,” she said as she began to rummage in his bedside locker for his
clothes.

“So God has spoken, then?”

The Nurse suppressed a laugh, and kicked the locker door shut with her foot.

“This is intolerable!” the now almost distant voice of God said as he stood with his acolytes
around a bed. “Sister, if you cannot control your Nurses – “

The Nurse by Colin’s bed turned away from the Consultant’s stare.

“This summation gallop is difficult to hear – “ the Consultant said in a very audible mutter.

“I’ll put the curtains round,” the Nurse whispered to Colin.

She began this not altogether noisy task when the Sister came to stop her. “Not now,” she
said. “Side-ward!”

The Nurse went to join the other staff skulking out of harm’s way.

It seemed to Colin a long time before she returned.

“Hope I didn’t get you in trouble,” he said, and smiled his Owlish smile.
“Nah!’

“Is he always like that?”

“Huh! Today was a good day! Get him on a bad day and – “ She began to giggle. “Oops!”

He sensed the reason for her sudden embarrassment and said, “It’s alright, I won’t tell
anyone.”

“Trust me! Always being bleedin’ unprofessional!”

“You been a Nurse long?”

She finished laying his clothes out on the bed. “Nah! A few months.”

“You training, then?”

“Yep! First ward, this.”

“Really? You seem very competent.”

“You must be joking!”

“Think you’ll stick at it?”

“Who knows? Me mam says I never stick at anything. There you go.” She drew the curtains
around the bed. “Be a Doctor’s letter for ya, in the office.”

“What time do you finish?”

She gave a quizzical look. “You askin’?”

“Got any plans for tonight?”

“Not really, You’re a right one, aren’t you?”

“You in the Nurses Home, then?”

“I’ll have to go. Don’t forget your letter!”

Then she was gone, and he was left to dress himself in solitude, straighten his bedclothes
and walk smiling to the Ward office.

The Ward Sister was using the telephone, looked up briefly to acknowledge his presence
and pushed a brown envelope toward him across the cluttered desk. “Give it to your own
Doctor,” she said to him.

“The new patient’s here, Sister,” another Nurse interjected as she pushed past Colin.

“Just a minute,” the Sister said into the telephone. On her desk, the other telephone rang.
“He’s a CVA,” she said to the Nurse. “Second bed on the right. I’ve bleeped Doctor Stone.”

Colin took the envelope and slipped away. The corridor that gave access to the Wards was
full of unused beds and trolleys of varying descriptions, and from the Public Telephone kiosk
he dialled Magarita’s number.

“What do you want?” her voice said in reply.

“I’m in hospital,” he said. “Admitted last night.”

“Are you serious?”

“Would I joke about it? Listen – “ He held the receiver out into the noisy corridor: people
passing, a porter whistling, the sounds of trolleys being wheeled, a gaggle of voices.
“Are you alright?” she said in a softer voice.

“Yes, I think so. I went to the Doctor like you said. They kept me in overnight. But they are
letting me home now.”

“Shall I come and collect you?”

He could hear the guilt creeping into her voice.

“That would be kind! I’ll be waiting outside the main entrance.”

“I’ll be a quick as I can. Bye!”

It was a smiling Colin who stood in the bright and warming sunlight to wait for his lover’s
arrival. And when she did come, voicing her concern, he let his expression change as
though he still felt some pain.

“What did they say?” she asked as she drove him back toward his University home.

“Not a lot. Thought it might be an ulcer acting up. Eat less fatty foods – that sort of thing.”

“I always said your diet was disgusting!”

“I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“It’s me that should apologize.”

“You free this evening?”

“Yes.”

He caressed her leg with his hand. “I’ll look forward to it.”
 ^^^^^^^

“Is Fiona in?” he asked the Departmental Secretary as he opened the door to her office.

“Good morning, Professor!” she laughed. “You alright? We heard the news. About hospital,
I mean.”

“Fine. Just a bit of stomach trouble. Is Mrs. Pound about.”

“No. She’s taking some time off. Didn’t say when she’d be back. Least ways, no one’s told
me! Been to your new office, yet?”

“Just now, yes. How’s Albert?” he asked, alluding to her husband.

“Moaning – about work. Too much at the moment. Still, it’ll pay for the holiday.”

“Going anywhere in particular?”

“Florida.”

“You should get a nice tan.”

“Hope so!”

“You’ll have to let me see you when you get back.”

“Maybe I will, at that!”

“Keeping you satisfied, is he?” he asked, smiling lasciviously.

“Yeah! I’ll say!”

“Pity. Thought my luck was in.”

“Get off with you!” she laughed. “Want your mail?” She handed him a bundle.

“Thanks. Well, I’d better go and inspect my domain.”

His new office was spacious and bright with a particularly good vista of the lake, and as he
sat at his desk, surrounded by empty bookcases, he felt intense pleasure. It was not that he
had forgotten Fiona’s meeting with the Vice-Chancellor but rather that it felt irrelevant. His
work should be his justification: with his teaching, his own research and his mastery of the
Department there could never be a threat to his position. He was happy, and felt eager to
begin his tasks. There was his afternoon lecture, the first in his new role, his evening
assignation with Magarita, his first Departmental meeting of tomorrow. There would be, in
that morning, many hours of peace for him to write – his continued contributions, diligently
researched, presented and prepared, to the wealth of philosophical knowledge.

No more would he seek out female students, for he knew they could be a snare to entrap
him, and the knowledge of this dismayed him – but only for a while. He began to think of
stratagems to circumvent the dangers: of how he might choose more wisely, and this
pleased him, as his recollection of other possibilities did. He would forego them – for a while
at least. He thought of the Nurse who had attended him, and began to contrive a new and
owlish campaign. She would look good, in her uniform, standing on the chair in his room
while he photographed her.

Smiling happily to himself, he left his office to begin the tasks of his new Professorial day.
Over the University, a few ragged cumulus cloud came to briefly cover the sun.

XX

The Temple was quiet and Edmund sat, quite still in the semi-darkness amid the lightly
swirling incense, facing the stone altar. The Temple was large, the walls lined with oak
panelling, and Edmund sat for a long time, his eyes vaguely fixed upon the stone statue
near the altar. It showed, in a realistic way, a seated naked woman one of whose hands
held the severed head of a man.
Then, his task fulfilled, he stretched himself before standing, allowing his bare feet to caress
the luxurious carpet. As if on cue, the heavy Temple door opened, throwing a shaft of bright
light into the Temple and onto the statue.

“I wondered if you would come down to me here,” he said to the woman who entered the
room.

“Did I have a choice?” Fiona said, and smiled.

She wore an amber necklace and was dressed in a purple silk robe.

“There is one person I still have to see,” he said.

“Surely she can wait.”

He smiled at her understanding. “We have plenty of time.”

“I shall wait for you here, then.”

He smiled in reply and walked out of her Temple up the stairs to the ground floor of her
house. It was only a short walk to the University and Alison’s room. She was there, as he
knew she would be, and she embraced him while he stood in the doorway.

“You’ve decided to complete your studies, then?” he said as she broke away from their
embrace.

She watched him for a while, but his smiling face seemed to answer her unasked question.

“Of course!” she said.

“And then?”

“I don’t know. Teach. Compose, perhaps.”

“I’m glad.”

For almost a minute she watched him in silence. Then she said, “Even now I don’t
understand you.”

”There shall be time enough for understanding when you are old and the inner fire burns
less bright. Maybe through your music you’ll find a way.”

She laughed, a little nervously, for it was as if in that moment she sensed something
powerful: something illuminating yet dark. A transient feeling to inspire her Art perhaps.
Something that perchance he in some way had given her? Was it his eyes, his look? She
did not know, but the moment passed, to leave her with a memory, disturbing only in part.

“Will you be seeing Professor Mickleman?” he asked.

“No. He is part of my past.”

“Perhaps that’s wise. I really have to go now.”

“You’ll keep in touch?”

“Of course. People like you are rare.”

She smiled, half-defensively. “Take care, won’t you?”

“Naturally,” He gave his enigmatic smile, turned and left her staring after him. Suddenly,
new music grew in almost swirling profusion inside her head.

^^^^^^^^^

Fiona was lying on the floor of her Temple, as if asleep, when Edmund returned. In his
absence she had lit two purple candles and placed them on the altar where they spread
their esoteric light to enhance her beauty. For a few moments, he watched her breasts
rising and falling with the motion of her breathing before laying down beside her to caress
her body through the silk of her robe. She did not move, except to slightly part her lips, as
his caressing began.

Slowly, his touching continued. Then she was kissing him, lips to lips and lips to flesh, her
hands clawing at his clothes, and it was not long before they were writhing about on the
carpet of the Temple, naked and joined in carnal bliss. Her cries of ecstasy were not loud,
as his final cry was not, and they lay, sweating from their exertion and pleasures, for some
time.

She broke their silence. “Have you achieved what you wished – with him?”

“Who can say – who cannot say?”

”Sometimes you can be quite infuriating!”

“Is that so?”

“Yes!”

As he stood up, she said: “And Alison?”

“Ah! Forces shall be earthed, presenced, in her music.”

She looked at him then, and he guessed her meaning. “You don’t have to ask,” he said, to
re-assure her.

“All this,” she gestured around her Temple with her hand, “can be yours.”

“I have retired.”

“So you said.” She retrieved her robe and he began to dress himself.

“I have other things to do,” he said.

“And me?”

“You are useful here.”

“Part of the grand design?” she mocked.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“Perhaps. Tell me, why did you wait?”

“For this, you mean?” he asked, smiling.

“From the moment you revealed yourself I was willing. Well, before then as well,” she
laughed.

“It was necessary to wait.”

“There are lots of things I would like to ask you. We’ve hardly spent any time together.”

”Delicacies are best contemplated and then savoured slowly.”

“Tell me, how did you know?”

”About your past, your secret?”

”Yes.”

“A Master shall always know his Mistresses of Earth even though they have never met. And
your own group? What of them?”

“I tired of them – long ago.”

“Forsaking the external for the internal?”

“Something like that.” She smiled at him. “But you interest me.”

When he did not reply, she said: “He will never realize, will he?”
Attuned to her, he said: “Naturally not. His ego would never allow even an entertainment of
the thought. An interesting experiment – with perhaps an excellent result and future sinister
promise. We shall see. Now, I really must be going.”

“Must you?” She removed her robe and walked toward him in the now flickering light of the
candles.

“Well, perhaps not just yet.”

Above them, and nearby, new inner nexions were opening.

Fini
 The Giving

Order of Nine Angles

(Deofel Quartet)

Re-issued and corrected [v 1.03]: Anton Long 119 Year of Fayen

(First published 101 yf)

“In truth, Baphomet – honoured for millennia under different names – is an image of
our dark goddess and is depicted as a beautiful woman, seated, who is naked for the
waist upward. She holds in her left hand the severed head of a man, and in her right a
burning torch. She wears a crown of flowers, as befits a Mistress of Earth…

For centuries, we have kept this image secret, as the Templars and their descendants
did…”

Book of Aosoth
 I

There was much that was unusual about Sidnal Wyke, including his name. His name no
longer brought forth any comments from his neighbours in the small hamlet of Stredbow
where he had spent all his life, and his strange habits were accepted because he was
regarded by them as a cunning man, well versed in the ways of the old religion.

He was six years old when the old car his father was driving went out of control on a steep
local hill, killing both his parents while the child was safe at his grandmother’s house. For
twelve years he lived at her cottage. Stredbow was his home and he knew no other.

It was an isolated village, surrounded by hills and accessible only by narrow, steep and
twisting lanes. To the west of the village lay The Wilderness, Robin’s Tump and the steep
hills of Caer Caradoc hill. The lane northward led along Yell Bank, skirted Hoar Edge and
the side of Lawley hill to the old Roman road to Wroxeter. To the south, the village was
bounded by Stredbow Moor, Nant Valley and Hope Bowdler hill. The area around the small
village was, like the village itself, unique. Small farms nestled on the lee of the hills or rested
in sinewy valleys hidden from the lanes. Coppice and woods merged into rough grazing
land and the few fields or arable crops were small, the size hardly changed in over a
century. But it was the sheltered isolation of the area that marked it out, like a time-slip into
the past – as if the surrounding hills not only isolated it physically but emotionally as well.
Perhaps it was that the hills dispersed the winds and weather in a special way, creating over
the area of the village and its surrounding land an idiosyncratic climate; or perhaps it was
the almost total lack of motorized transport along the rutted lanes. But whatever the cause,
Stredbow was different, and Sidnal Wyke knew it.

He had known the secret for years, but it was only as his twenty-first birthday approached
that he began to understand why. Stredbow was an ancient village, an oval of houses at
whose center was a mound. Once, the mound contained a grove of oaks. But a new religion
came, the trees were felled and a church built from stone quarried nearby. The church was
never full, the visiting ministers came and went, and the oaks began to grow again, although
reduced in number. The village was never large, although once – when the new railway fed
trains to the small town of Stretton in the valley miles beyond the hills – there had been a
school. But it had long ago closed, its building left to slowly crumble as the towns, cities and
wars sucked some of the young men away from their home and their land. Yet a balance
had been achieved through the demands of the land. For over sixty years, since the ending
of the Great War, no new houses had been built and no outlanders came to settle. The
village attracted no visitors, for there was nothing to attract them – no historical incidents, no
fine houses or views – and the few who came by chance did not stay, for there was no
welcome for them, only the stares of hostility and scorn, the barking and the snarling of farm
and cottage dogs.
Sidnal knew every square foot of the village and the lands around. He had visited every
field, every coppice, every valley and stream, all the houses and farms. He knew the history
of the village and its people and this learning, like his name, was his grandmother’s idea. He
had been to a school, once and briefly – against his grandmother’s wishes. But her
daughter and son in law had died to leave Sidnal in her care. She taught him about herbs,
how to listen and talk to trees; about the know of animals. She owned some acres of land
and he farmed them well, in his strange way.

His clothes, and he himself, never looked clean, but he bore himself well, as befitted his well-
muscled body. His solitary toil on the land and his learning left him little time to himself, but
he was growing restless and his grandmother knew it and the reason why. She had no
chance to guide him further, no opportunity to find him a suitable wife to end the isolation
she had forced upon him. A few days before his twenty-first birthday, she died – slowly and
quietly sitting in her chair by the fire.

It was a warm evening in middle May with a breeze to swing some of the smaller branches
of the large Ash tree behind the cottage which a mild winter had brought full into leaf, and
Sidnal did not hurry back from the fields. He greeted the tree, as he always had, and smiled,
as he almost always did. He did not cry out, or even seem surprised when he found her. He
just sighed, for he knew death to be the fated ending of all life.

It was as he closed the cottage door on his way to gather his neighbours that the reaction
came. For the first time in his life, he felt afraid.

II

Maurice Rhiston did not even know her name. A room of his house overlooked her bedroom
and she was there, again, as she had been every weekday morning for the past three
weeks. Her routine was always the same – the curtains would be drawn back and she
would stand by the mirror for a minute or so before removing her nightdress, unaware of
him watching from behind a chink in his curtain.

Naked, she wandered around her room in her parent’s house. He lost sight of her several
times – before she stood by the mirror to slowly dress. He guessed her age at about fifteen.
His watching had become a secret passion that was beginning to engulf him, but he was too
obsessed to care. He was forty-five years of age, his childless marriage a placid one. For
fifteen years he had sat behind his office desk in a large building in Shrewsbury town,
satisfied with steadily improving both his standard of living and his house on the small and
select estate which fringed the river. He was diligent, and efficient as he worked as a Civil
Servant, calculating and assessing the benefits of claimants. His suits were always subdued
in colour, his shirts white, his ties plain and even his recent worrying about his age,
baldness and spreading fat, did not change his taste. The cricket season had begun, his
place in the team was secure and he had begun to feel again that sense of security and
belonging which pleased him.

He had, during the past week, turned his observing room into a kind of study to allay the
suspicions of his wife. He bought a desk, some books and a small computer as furnishings.
He had changed his unchanging routine of the morning to give time to sit at the desk with
the thin curtains almost meeting but allowing him his view. Then, he would wait for her to
draw back the curtains, and undress.

Today, as for the last week, he would be late for his work. Yesterday he had spent most of
his evening in the room, hoping to see her and she, as if obliging, had appeared toward
dusk – switching on her room light. For almost an hour she wandered in and out – and then
his moment came. She undressed to change her clothes completely.

The morning was warm, again, and he left his overcoat on the stand by the front door. The
goodbye kiss to his wife had long ago ceased, and she was already stripping away the
bedclothes at the beginning of her workday. She was singing to herself, and Maurice
smiled. His watching had brought to him an intense physical desire and his wife was
pleased, mistaking his renewed interest for love. But he kept the girl’s naked image in his
head, while his ardour lasted.

His journey to work by car was not long, and only once did he have cause to cease his
planning of how best to photograph the girl. He was about to turn from the busy road to the
street which held the office where he worked when a young man, dirtily dressed and
carrying an armful of books, stepped off the pavement in front of the car. Maurice sounded
his horn, hurled abuse through the open window, but the man just smiled to walk slowly
away toward the town centre to try and sell some of the books his grandmother had owned.

The routine of Maurice’s morning at work was unchanged, and he sat at his desk in the over-
bright, stuffy office, found or retrieved files from other desks and cabinets, entered or read
information on pieces of paper and computer screen, his concentration broken only by his
short breaks for morning tea and lunch. It was at lunch that his interest had become
aroused.

As was his habit, he ate his sandwiches at his desk. One of the ladies from the section that
investigated fraud brought him a case filem and he recognized the name written on the
cover.
The young lady was fashionably dressed and had swept her long black hair back over her
shoulders where it was held by a band. She smiled at him, and for a few seconds Maurice
felt an intense sexual desire. But it did not last. She explained about the man and the
information anonymously received – as she might not have done had Maurice not been
responsible for her training in her early months in the office before she became bored and
sought the work of investigating fraud.

He gave her his computer read-out of the benefits the man had claimed and listened intently
as she, a little shocked and angry, explained about the man’s activity – Satanism, child
prostitution, living off immoral earnings. She borrowed Maurice’s file on the man and left him
to continue his lunch in peace.

There was turmoil in Maurice’s head, images which made him nervous and excited, and it
did not take him long to decide. In the relative quiet of the office, he dialled Edgar Mallam’s
number, wishing him to be in.

Edgar Mallam was a man of contrived striking appearance. His hair was cropped, and his
beard pointed and trimmed. He dressed in black clothes, often wore sunglasses even
indoors, and black leather gloves. Maurice watched him for some time as Mallam sat at a
table in an Inn in the centre of the town amid the warmth of the breezy late Spring evening.

People mingled singly, in pairs or small clusters around the town as evening settled, traffic
thinned and shops closed, and Maurice, fearful of being seen, had tried to avoid them all.
He had bought a hat, thinking it might disguise him, but wore it only briefly as he waited for
the appointed time. The image of the naked girl obsessed him – and had obsessed him all
afternoon: her soft white unblemished skin, her small still forming breasts, the graceful curve
of her back…

Cautiously, he sat down beside Mallam.

“So, you want an introduction?” Mallan smiled.

“Well – “

“Don’t be nervous! One favour deserves another. I presumed that is why you – ah – warned
me. How old?”
“Pardon?”

“How old do want the item in question to be?”

Maurice coughed, and shuffled his feet. “I –“

“Thirteen? Fourteen?”

Maurice felt and impulse to leave, and rose slightly, but Mallam’s strong hand gripped his
arm.

“Let’s say fourteen. It’s a middling figure. Come on, then!” Mallam rose to leave.

“Now?”

“Of course!”

For an instant fear gripped Maurice, but the haunting image returned and he followed
Mallam through the customers and to the door. The alley outside the side door seemed dark
and he did not see the two waiting figures cloaked by the sun’s shadows. But he felt their
hands gripping his arms.

“Just a precaution,” Mallam explained. “I’m sure you understand.”

He was searched, led to a car, blindfolded. The journey seemed long and he was guided
into a house where the blindfold was removed. The luxury of the house surprised him.
Mallam indicated a door.

“One hour,” he said. “Any longer,” and he smiled, “and there will be a charge!”

Maurice needed no encouragement to open the door.

 III

The river, swollen by heavy rain and brown from sediment, swept swiftly and noisily over the
weir, and in the dim light of dawn Thorold could see water eddying over the edge of the
concrete riverside path that led into town. The warm weather had been broken by storms.

No corpse was water bourne to add interest to Thorold’s day and he walked slowly, trying to
savour the light, the sounds and his happy mood. A few people, work-bound on bicycles,
passed him along the path but they did not greet him as he did not greet them. Sometimes
he would smile, and an occasional individual might forget for an instant the impersonal
attitude of all modern towns. There would be then a brief exchange of humanity through the
medium of faces and eyes: and the two individuals would pass each to their own forms and
patterns of life, never to meet again.

But today, no one returned his smile. He stood for several minutes under the wide spans of
the railway bridge watching the water carry its burden of branch, silt, twigs and grass. He
was thirty-five years of age and alone in his life, except for his books. His marriage of years
ago had been brief, broken by his quietness and unwillingness to socialize, but the years
were beginning to undermine the happiness he had found in solitude. His face was kind, his
hair unruly, his body sinewy from years of long-distance walking over hills, his past forgotten.

He liked the hours after dawn in late Spring and Summer, and would rise early to walk the
almost empty streets of his town and along the paths by the river, sensing the peace and
the history that seemed to seep out toward him from the old timbered houses, the narrow
passages, the castle, bridges and town walls. Gradually, during the hours of his walking, the
traffic would increase, people come – and he would retreat to the sloping cobbled lane,
which gave access to his small shop, ready for his day of work. ‘Antiquarian & Secondhand
Books’ his shop sign said.

The path from the railway bridge took him along below the refurbished Castle, set high
above the meander of the river, under the Grinshill stone of the English bridge to the tree-
lined paths of Quarry Park. He stopped for a long time to sit on a bench by the water,
measuring the flow of time by the chimes of the clock in Shrewsbury School across the river.
No one disturbed him, and by the time he rose to leave the cloud had broken to bring warm
morning sun.

His shop lay between the Town Walls at the top of the Quarry and the new Market Hall with
its high clock tower of red brick. The window was full of neat rows of well-polished
antiquarian book, and inside it was cold and musty. Summer was his favorite season, for he
would leave the door open and watch, from his desk by the window, the people who passed
in the street.

A pile of books, recently bought from a young man whose grandmother had died, lay on his
desk, and he began to study them, intrigued by the titles and the young man who had
offered them for sale. The four books were all badly bound and in various states of neglect
and decay. One was simply leaves of vellum stitched together then bound into wooden
boards, the legible text consisting mainly of symbols and hieroglyphics with a few
paragraphs in Latin in a scholarly hand. There was no title – only the words ‘Aktlal Maka’
inscribed at the top of the first folio. The words meant nothing to Thorold. The three
remaining books were all printed, although only one of them in a professional manner. It
bore the title ‘Secretorum Naturalium Chymicorum et Medicorum Thesauriolis, and a date,
1642. The titles of the other two works – ‘Books of Aosoth’ and ‘Karu Samsu’ - signified
nothing to him, and though the books bore no date he guessed they were less than a
hundred years old. They also contained pages of symbols, but the style of the written text
was verbose, the reasoning convoluted, and after several hours of reading he still only had
a vague idea of the subjects discussed. There was talk of some substance which if gathered
in the right place at the right time would alter the world – ‘the fluxion of this causing thus
sklenting from the heavenly bodies and a terrible possidenting of this mortal world…’

He was still reading when a customer entered his shop. The woman was elegantly dressed
and smiled at him.

“I wonder if you can help me,” she said confidently.

Thorold smiled back, and as he looked at her he felt an involuntary spasm in the muscles of
his abdomen. But it was transient and he forced himself to say “I hope so” as he looked at
her beauty.

“Do you have a copy of Prometheus Bound by Aeschylus? Only my son – “

“Aeschylus?” he repeated, and blushed.

“Yes, the playwright – “

“Of ancient Greece,” he completed. “Was it a Greek text that you wanted or a translation?”
“The Greek, actually. Julian has just begun his “O” levels at his school.”

The woman was near him and he could smell her perfume. For some reason it reminded
him of the sun drying the earth after brief rain following many dry days. “Yes, we do have a
copy.”

He rose from his chair slowly and as he did so the woman smiled at him again. In his desire
to impress with his agility he tripped and stumbled into a bookcase.

“Are you alright?” she asked with concern as he lay on the floor.

“Yes, thanks.” He rose awkwardly to search the shelves for the book. “Ah! Here it is. It is a
fairly good edition of the text,” he said as he handed the book to her.

She glanced through it. “I’ll take it.” She placed it on his desk before taking her purse from
the pocket of her dress. Their fingers touched briefly as she handed over the money but she
did not look at him and he was left to wrap the book neatly in brown paper. The ‘Book of
Aosoth’ still lay open upon his desk and he could see her interest.

“May I?” she asked, indicating the book.

“Yes,” he faltered, unsure. “If you wish.”

She handled it carefully, supporting the covers with one hand while she turned the pages
with the other. She stood near him, silent and absorbed, for several minutes. But her
nearness began to make him tremble.

“I have not, as yet, had occasion to study the work in detail,” he said to relieve some of his
feelings.

She held it for him to take, glanced briefly at the two other books before perusing the vellum
manuscript.

“They are for sale?” she asked.

“Well – “ he hesitated, wondering about the price. “You have an interest in such matters?”

“Yes!” and then softly, “do you?”

She turned to face him, so close he could smell her fragrant breath as she had exhaled with
her forceful affirmation.

“Actually, no.” She did not avert her eyes from his and part of him wanted to reach out with
his fingers to softly touch the freckled smoothness of her face. He smiled instead, as she
did. “I am not familiar with the field – but would think it was a very specialized market: if a
market as such exists.”

“Are these recent acquisitions?”

“Yes.”

“May I enquire from where – or whom?”

He did not mind her questions, for he wished their contact, and closeness, to continue. “A
young chap brought them in – in the last few days. They belonged to his grandmother,
apparently.”

“I would like to buy them – name your price. Except that one,” she indicated the
‘Secretorum’. “That does not interest me.”

“As I say, I have not really had time to study them in detail and so – to be honest – have no
idea what they are worth.” Her nearness was beginning to affect his concentration and he
edged away on the pretext of studying the manuscript.

“But surely you have some idea of their value?”

“Actually, no. I did consult some of my reference works and auction records but could find
nothing.”
“How refreshing!”

“What?”

She laughed, gently. “To find someone – particularly in business – who is so open and
honest.”

“Well, bookselling is a small world.” He looked away embarrassed, but pleased.

“How much – if I may ask such a question – did you pay?”

“Actually only a part payment – I was going to research them, particularly the manuscript,
and then, if they or the manuscript were particularly valuable, add to that payment.”

“Do you wish to sell them?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Then I will buy them. You will want my address, naturally.

“Sorry?”

“My address. So you can bring the books with you tonight when you come to dinner.
Nothing formal, so no need to dress. Do you have a pen and paper?”

“Er, yes.” Dazed, he gave her his favourite fountain pen and notebook.

She wrote quickly. “Shall we say half past seven for eight? Good. Oh – and you can bring
that Greek book with you as well.”

She smiled at him, waved, and then was gone, out into the sunlit street and away from his
world of dead books. Her perfume lingered, and it was some time before Thorold’s
amazement disappeared. He tried to still his excitement and imagination by searching again
through his reference works.

He did not succeed, and the one reference he did find to anything mentioned in the books
did not interest him. ‘Aosoth’, it read, ‘was a demoness worshipped by some ancient and
secret sects about which nothing is known beyond the fact that women played a prominent
role.’

No customers spoiled the solitude of what remained of his morning, and he carefully
wrapped the books and manuscripts for the woman, sorted some stock form the piles of
books against the cabinet by his desk before closing his shop early. He wandered happy
and full of anticipation along the paths by the river, pleased with the sun and warmth of the
day, occasionally stopping to sit. He spent a long time sitting on a bench by the weir,
watching people as they passed, vaguely aware of his dreams but unwilling from fear of
disappointment to make them conscious, to dwell upon them.

He had not noticed a man dressed in black following him, and did not notice him as he
began a slow walk under the hot sun along the overgrown riverside path that led him back
to his small riverside Apartment.

IV

The gardens of the large detached house were quiet and secluded, and Lianna spent the
hours of the afternoon removing weeds from the many beds of flowers. The house stood on
Kingsland above the river and beside Shrewsbury School but afforded views of neither.
Once, the area had been select, but the decades had drawn some of the wealthy away,
their homes absorbed by the School or divided into still expensive Flats and Apartments.
But an aura remained, and it pleased Lianna.

Her interest in her garden waned slowly, and she discarded her implements and her
working clothes to bathe in the bright surroundings of her bathroom. She lay relaxed and
soaking in the warm water for a long time, occasionally thinking of the bookseller. She had
enjoyed her game with his emotions and although the books he would bring interested her,
he himself interested her more.

She was dressing in readiness for her evening when someone loudly rapped the brass
knocker of the oak front door. She did not hurry, Edgar Mallam smiled at her as she opened
the door, but she did not return his greeting.
“Yes?” she said coldly.

“Hello Lianna. May I come in?” He removed his sun glasses.

“Why?”

“To talk – about my group.”

“Fifteen minutes – that is all the time I can spare.”

He followed her into the Sitting Room to sit beside her in a leather armchair.

“Well?” she asked.

“I thought you and me – “

“As I have said to you many times, our relationship is purely a teaching one.”

“You know how I feel,” he said almost gently.

“What you feel, you feel. It is a stage, and all stages pass.”

His mood changed abruptly. “Is that so?” There was anger in his voice.

Her smile was one of pity, not kindness. “I sense your feelings are being inverted. What you
thought was love is turning to anger because your will is thwarted. You will doubtless now
find reasons for disliking me.”

Edgar stood up. “I’m sick of your teaching!”

“As I have said to you many times since you first embarked upon your quest, the way is not
easy.”

He took a step toward her, but she rose to face him and smile. He stared at her, but only
briefly – averting his eyes from her suddenly demonic gaze.

“I’ll go my own way! I don’t need you!” he shouted.

“You are, of course,” and she smiled generously at him, “free to do so. But I have heard
reports that some of your activities are, shall I say, not exactly compatible with the ethos of
our Order.”

“So what?”

“Such activities are not conducive to the self-development which our way wishes to achieve.
They are not, in fact, connected with any genuine sinister tradition but are personal
proclivities, best avoided if advancement is sought.”

“Stuff your tradition and your pompous words!” He walked toward the door. “And I’m not
afraid of you – or your curses!”

“True Adepts do not waste time on such trivia. Everyone has to make their own mistakes.”

He laughed. “Just as I thought! You’re all talk! Well, I do have magickal power! So stuff your
Order!”

She waited, and was not disappointed for he slammed her front door shut on his leaving.
One of her telephones was within easy reach, and she dialled a number.

“Hello? Imlach?” she queried. “Lianna. Mr. Mallam has I regret to say just resigned. You will
know what to do. Good.” She replaced the receiver and smiled.

The hours of her waiting did not seem long, and when the caterers arrived she left them with
their duties while she occupied herself in her library. The table was laid, the food heating,
the wine chilled by the time of Thorold’s arrival and all she had to do was light the candles
on the table. The caterers had departed as they had arrived – discreetly, leaving her alone.
Thorold was early, and nervously held the books as he knocked on her door surrounded by
the humid haze of evening. She greeted him, took the books and led him to her library
where he stood by the mahogany desk staring with amazement. Books, in sumptuous
bookcases, lined the room from floor to high ceiling. She placed her new acquisitions on the
desk.

“Later, if you wish,” she said, “you can spend some time in here.”

Only two places were laid on the table in the dining room.

“Will your husband not be joining us?” an expectant but nervous Thorold asked.

“Joining us? Why no!” she laughed. “He went abroad, some years ago. Living with some
Oriental lady, I believe.”

For two hours they conversed while they ate, pausing only while she served her guest the
courses of the meal. The topics of their conversation varied, and as the hours drew
darkness outside, Thorold began to realize there was much that was unusual about Lianna.
She asked about his knowledge of and interest in a wide variety of arcane subjects –
alchemy, the Knights Templars, witchcraft, sorcery…. He had admitted his ignorance
concerning most of them, and she, slightly smiling, had explained in precise language, and
briefly, their nature, extent and history.

“Come,” she said as she poured him a cup of fresh coffee, “let us sit together in the Sitting
Room.”

She took his cup and held it while she sat on the sofa. “Here, beside me,” she indicated.

Thorold sat beside her and blushed. All evening he had tried to avert his eyes from her
breasts, uplifted and amply exposed by the dress she had chosen. But his eyes kept drifting
from her face to her eyes to her breasts. He knew she knew, and he knew she did not mind.

She gave him his cup and he managed to control the shaking he felt beginning in his hand.

“Do you believe in Satan?” she abruptly said.

“Satan?” he repeated.

“Yes. The Devil.”

“Well, actually, I was brought up Roman Catholic to believe that he existed. But now – “ he
shrugged his shoulders.

“Now you no longer trouble yourself with such matters.”

“I did – once. There was a time,” he said wistfully, “when I believed I had a vocation to be a
Priest. I suppose most Catholic children – the boys, that is – who are brought up according
to the faith have such yearnings at least once.”

“But you sought another road.”

“I lost my faith in God.”

“So you do not believe there is a supra-human being called the Devil who rules over this
Earth?”

‘No. Why do you ask?”

She did not avert her eyes from his. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because I sense the question is important to you.”

She laughed, and touched his face lightly with he fingers. “You are astute! I like that.”

“In what way can I help you?”

“You underestimate yourself.”

For a moment Thorold was perplexed. He had accepted her unusual invitation to her house
partly from curiosity but mostly because he had been sexually attracted to her. The intimate
dinner, her topics of conversation, her looks and gestures had gradually made him aware –
or at least he had thought so – of her purpose in inviting him. This, he had believed, would
explain why a beautiful obviously wealthy and exceptionally intelligent woman would be
interested in an unadventurous bookseller.

She saved him from his perplexity by saying, “You know what I am, then?”

“I can guess.”

“Yes – you have guessed. And the prospect of your guess being correct does not frighten
you?” When he did not answer, she continued. “It excites you, in fact – as I now excite you.”

Thorold began to sense he was losing the initiative. Then it occurred to him that he had
never had the initiative. Since his first meeting with her he had been playing the role of
victim. He tried to distance himself from his desire for her, but she moved toward him until
their bodies touched. Her lips were near his, her breath warm and fragrant and he did not
resist when she kissed him. She did not restrain his hand as it caressed her breasts just as
he did not prevent her from undoing the buckle of the belt that supported his trousers. He
felt a vague feeling of unease, but it did not last. It had been a long time since he had kissed
and touched a woman, and he abandoned himself to his desire, a desire enhanced by her
perfume, her beauty and her eagerness.

Their passion was frenzied, then gentle at his silent urging until her need overcame his
control. They lay, then sweaty and satiated with bodies entwined for some time without
speaking until she broke their silence.

“You are full of surprises,” she said with a smile, and kissed him.

He wanted to stay with her, naked, and sleep but she kissed him again before rising to
dress.

“Come,” she said, throwing him his clothes. “I have something to show you.”

Outside in the warm air, a nearly full moon in a clear night sky cast still shadows around and
upon the house.
 V

Mallam could sense the girl’s fear. He did his best to increase it by staring at her while
Monica, his young Priestess and mistress, held the girl’s arm ready. The room was brightly
lit in readiness for the filming of the ritual that was to follow, and Mallam walked slowly
toward the girl, a small syringe fitted with a hypodermic needle in his hand.

The girl could not struggle, for a man dressed in a black robe whose face was shadowed by
the hood, held her other arm and body, and Mallam carefully pierced the vein of her arm
with the needle and filled the syringe with her blood.

“See,” he said to her as he withdrew the needle, “you are mine now!”

The girl began to cry, but he had no pity for her. “Betray me, and I shall kill you – wherever
you are.” He showed her the blood-filled syringe for effect. “Take her,” he said to Monica,
“and prepare her.”

The Temple was in a large cellar of a house, and Mallam walked around it, ensuring that
everything was prepared. The black candles on the stone altar had been lit, the incense was
burning, the lights and camera ready. A black inverted pentagram was painted on the red
wall behind the altar.

He did not have long to wait. The now naked girl was carried by some of the black robed
worshippers and laid upon the altar. Stupefied by drugs, she was smiling and seemed
oblivious to the people around her as, behind the bright enclosing circle of camera lights,
drumbeats began.

Mallam raised his hands dramatically to signal the beginning of the ritual, his facemask in
place.

“Asmodeus! Set! Jaal! Satan! Hear us!” he shouted.

“Hear us!” his followers responded.

“We gather here to offer you the first blood of this girl!”

“Hear us!”

“Hear us, you Lords of the Earth and of the Darkness. This day a new sister shall join us in
our worship!” He gestured toward the girl and one after the other, the worshippers kissed
her.

“Now we shall dance to your glory!”

The worshippers removed their robes to dance around the altar laughing; screeching and
shouting the names of their gods while the drums beat louder and louder. Only Mallam and
another man did not join the dance, and Maurice Rhiston let himself be led toward the girl.
He did not notice the camera lurking in the darkness and operated by a black robed figure,
as he hardly noticed Mallam remove his robe. The girl seemed to be smiling at him as he
walked naked toward her. Mallam had offered him the privilege and he could not refuse.

For Rhiston, the orgy that followed did not last long. Mallam, still robed and masked ushered
him upstairs into a house where they both dressed before sitting in the comfortable Sitting
Room.

“You have done well,” Mallam said. “There are two matters, though, that need your
attention.”

“I am only too pleased to help,” an obsequious Maurice said.

“All of this,” Mallam smiled, “is not cheap.”

“I understand.”

“The other little matter is a short trip – to London. I have some contacts there, there will be a
film to deliver.”

“As you wish. May I ask you something?”

“Yes.”

“With all these people involved – there is a risk, surely?”

Mallam’s laugh made Maurice even more nervous. “I have the power of my magick to bind
them!”

“Yes – but…”

“So you do not believe? I shall show you, as I have shown them!” and his eyes glowed with
his intensity of feeling. “Fear! Fear – that is what keeps them silent. Fear of me.” Quick, like
lightning, his mood changed. “You like girls – I give you girls. So why should you worry?”

“I’m not worried, really,” Maurice lied. Then, to ingratiate himself, he said, “there is someone
I know who might interest you.”

“Who?”

“Shall I say a certain young girl who lives near me.”

“For something like tonight?” And Mallam smiled again.

“Possibly, yes.”

“For yourself, I presume.”

“If you wish it so.”

“I might – because I am beginning to like you. Of course, it would be expensive. All the
arrangements, and so on.

“I understand.”
“If you can bring her – I shall take care of the rest. I’ll need details.”

Before Maurice could answer, Monica entered the room. Beneath the black velvet cloak
Maurice could see she was naked.

“What do you want?”

“Sorry to interrupt, but there is someone to see you.”

“They can wait.”

“He insists.”

“So what? I’ve better things to do.”

“He mentioned Lianna’s name,” whispered Monica.

Mallam’s face twitched. He indicated Maurice. “Look after him, then.”

A tall man with the face of an undertaker stood in the hallway, holding his hat in his hand.
He was dressed well, except the cut of his suit was forty years out of fashion.

“You do not know me,” he said directly. “But we have a common enemy.”

“Is that so?”

“I have information you might find useful.”

“Oh yes?” Mallam pretended indifference.

“I don’t ask much.”

“What makes you think I’m interested?”

“If you are not, there are others.” He turned to leave.

“So what is this information?”

“A place I found out about. She knows about it – but no one else. Special it is, see. For the
likes of you – and her.”

“So?”

“There are rich pickings, in that place.”

Mallam was suspicious. “Then why come to me?”

“I need your held. The place, see, where to find it exactly is written about in a sort of code –
a secret writing. I know nothing of such matters.” He took a step toward Mallam. “Ever
wonder where she gets her money? I’ll tell you. A hoard, from this place.”

Mallam had often wondered. Once, when he had been her pupil for only a few months, he
had asked and she laughing had said, “It is a long story. Involving the Templars. I may tell it
some day.” He had been infatuated with her even then and could remember most of their
conversations. But the months of his learning with her were short, for he lusted after
success, wealth, power and results while she urged him toward the difficult – and for him
inaccessible – path of self-discovery. So he had drifted away from her teachings, seeking
his own path.

“What about this place?” he asked, his curiosity aroused.

“An old preceptory it is – of the Knights Templars. South of here, exactly where is a secret
only known to her. But I stole her precious manuscript!”

Mallam controlled his excitement. “How are you involved with her?”
“I’ve seen you – many a time. Coming to the house. The gardens – for years I tended them,
made them bloom. These hands, see, they worked for her and her father before her. I paid
no heed to their doings. Paid to be quiet, see. But then, after all these years a weeks’ notice
is all I got. No thanks. Nothing. No reason given. Turned out of my home, as well. Nothing to
show for forty years!”

“A manuscript, you say?”

“Yes, sir. For a price!”

“I would need more proof than your story.”

“Would I cheat you? You pay – a small sum, see – I give you the thing to you. You find
something – you give me some more money. You find nothing – you come and find me,
have your money back. Is this fair – or is this not fair?” The man held his hands out, palms
upward, in a gesture of hopelessness.

It did not take Mallam long to decide. “You have the document with you?”

“You have money to give me now?”

Mallam smiled. “How much?”

“A few hundred pounds, that is all I ask.”

”Wait here.”

Mallam was not away long. He counted the money into the man’s hand. The manuscript the
man took from the inside pocket of his jacket consisted of several small pieces of parchment
rolled together and tied with a cord.

“I call upon you again,” the man said, “in two weeks.”

Mallam did not answer. He had already untied the cord and unrolled the parchments by the
time that man closed the door. Each sheet consisted of several lines of writing in a secret
magickal script and, with increasing excitement, he walked slowly toward the stairs and his
own room. The small desk was cluttered with letters, books, bizarre artifacts and empty wine
glasses, and he pushed them all aside.

For hours he studied the script, making notes on pieces of paper or consulting some book.
Once, Monica entered. At first he did not notice her as she tidied the heap of clothes from
the dishevelled bed. But she came to caress his neck with her hand and he pushed her
away, shouting, “Leave me alone!”

It was nearing dawn when his efforts of the night were rewarded and with a shaking hand he
wrote his transliteration out. The parchments told of how Stephan of Stanhurst, preceptor,
had in 1311 and prior to his arrest in Salisbury, taken the great treasure stored in the
preceptory at Lydley - property of Roger de Alledone, Knight Templar – to a place of safe
keeping. It told how the preceptory was founded in 1160 and how, centuries later, the lands
granted with it became the subject of dispute and passed gradually into other grasping
hands; for Stephen after his arrest was confined within a Priory and refused to reveal where
he had hidden the treasure. But, most importantly to Mallam, it told where the treasure had
been stored when the foresightful Roger de Alledone realized the Order was about to be
suppressed by Pope Clement V and all its properties and treasures seized.

The name of the building housing the treasure meant nothing to Mallam, but he did
recognize the name of the village containing it. As soon as he could, he would buy a large
scale map of the village of Stredbow, and begin his search.

VI

The bright light of the rising sun awoke Thorold, and for several minutes he lay still,
remembering where he was and the events of the previous evening and night.

He had not slept well. He had watched the film Lianna had shown him in silence and was
almost glad when at its end she had shown him one of the many guest bedrooms, kissed
him briefly saying, “I’m sorry, but I always sleep by myself. I shall call you for breakfast.”

The film disturbed him not only because of its content but because Lianna, before, during
and after it, had made no comment to him about it. For years, Thorold had lived like a
recluse – dimly aware of some of the terrible realities of life but content to follow his own
inner path. He prided himself on his calm outlook and his intuitive understanding of people,
accepting events with an almost child-like innocence. The film had shown what he assumed
to be some kind of Black Magick ritual during which a young girl, obviously drugged and
probably only around fourteen years of age, was placed on an altar and forced into several
acts of sexual intercourse with men, all of whom had worn face masks to protect their
identity. But, coming so soon after his passion with Lianna, the film destroyed his calm. By
the time the film ended, his own passion – and the beauty he had felt in his relationship with
Lianna – was only a vague remembered dream.

He had felt anger – a desire for the girl somehow to be rescued. But this did not happen.
Lianna’s face had shown no emotion and he became perplexed because he could not
equate the woman with whom he had made love with the woman who, by having such a
film, must be somehow connected with the events depicted. And Lianna had left him alone
with his feelings.

The sun rose into a clear blue sky and he watched it until it became too bright for his eyes.
He dressed quickly, and left to find Lianna. If did not take him long, for he could hear her
singing.

She was in the bathroom and he, politely, knocked on the door.

“Do come in!” she said.

She was bathing in the large bath and indicated the chair beside it.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked and smiled.

Her breasts were visible above the foamy water and Thorold blushed and averted his eyes.
“No, not really.”

“Do you want to join me?” she said mischievously.

“I’d rather talk, actually.”

“About the film, I presume.”

“Yes.”
“Your verdict? I presume you have come to some conclusions.”

She smiled at him and Thorold closed his eyes to her beauty. When he opened them again,
she was still smiling.

“Are you – “ he began, hesitant.

“Am I involved, you mean?”

“Yes.”

“What do you feel – sense about me?”

“You really want to know?”

“Of course.”

Thorold sighed. “This is all very strange to me. It’s like a dream. I cannot believe I’m sitting
here, in the bathroom of a beautiful woman who last night shared with me something
beautiful and who then shows me a ….”

“A perverted film?”

“Basically, yes.”

“But you have not answered my question,” she said, softly.

He shook his head. “I sense you could not be involved in something like that.”

“And?”

“Which leaves the question – why show me the film?”

“To which your answer is?”

“I don’t have an answer. Except –“

“Except what?”

“It has something to do with the subjects we discussed – correction, which you talked about
- last night.”

“Nothing else?”

“Actually, it occurred to me that you might be testing me.”

“And if I was, why would that be?”

“I can only guess.

“Guess, then.”

Thorold turned away. “Our relationship.”

“Would you like to join me now?”

Without hesitation, Thorold stripped away his clothes.

-------

“After breakfast” she had said, “you might like to browse in the library.”

He was surprised to find that the manuscripts he had brought were no longer on the desk
but this discovery did not detain him from beginning to inspect the contents of the library.
For an hour or more he wandered around the shelves and bookcases reading the titles and
occasionally removing a book. He found a section devoted to classical Greek literature and,
among the volumes, several editions of ‘Prometheus Bound’. This startled him, as Lianna
did when he came up quietly behind him.

“So,” she said, observing the copy of Aeschylus he held in his hand, “another secret
discovered.”

He replaced the book, tried to appear unconcerned, and failed. “You are an intriguing
woman.”

She laughed. “In both senses of the word!”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Nevertheless, it is true.”

“So I was right after all. Our meeting was obviously not by chance.”

“Is anything?”

Thorold ignored the remark. His feelings became confused again. And his pride was hurt.
“So, how can I help?” he asked, almost angry.

“Help is not exactly the right word.”

“Is that so?”

She answered softly and slowly. “I would say ‘partnership’ is the word that captures the
essence.”

He could see her, outwardly unperturbed, watch him as she waited for his reply and as he
did so he became aware of his own feeling for her. He wanted her to elaborate, but dared
not ask directly in case he had misunderstood her usage of the word. He was still trying to
think of something reasonable to say when she spoke.
“You are,” she said, “unusual for a man in being so sensitive.”

Thorold was unsure whether he was pleased or insulted, and said nothing.

“That is,” she continued, “one of the qualities that attracted me to you. I have watched you
for some time.”

“Say again?”

“I met you once before – although you will probably not remember. You were walking, one
morning very early, along by the river. I was there, too. You passed me, and smiled. You
revealed yourself through your eyes.”

Thorold tried, but could not remember the incident. He began to tremble, thinking in his
innocence that she spoke of love. But her speaking dismayed him.

“I shall be honest with you, now – and cease to play games.” She sat on the edge of the
desk, but Thorold remained silent and still. “You see around you what I possess, and you
have, I believe, some intimation of some of my interests and activities. I am approaching
that time in my life when certain changes are inevitable. Before that time, there is one role I
would like to fulfill. But more than that I wanted companionship. Of course, I could have,
with you, carried on as I began. But I wanted you to know, to understand. Because of who I
am and because of – shall I say? – my interest, there was really no other way.

“Also, you have other qualities, besides sensitivity – or perhaps I should say, besides your
empathy. At this moment in time, you yourself are probably unaware of them. But they are
important to me – to my interests.”

“In all this,” Thorold said, “haven’t you forgotten something?”

For a few seconds Lianna looked wistful. “I don’t think so.”

“Spontaneity? Love?”
“That’s two things,” she smiled.

For an instant, Thorold thought of abruptly leaving, slamming the door as a gesture of his
intent. He did make a move in that direction, be he was already smiling in response to her
remark.

“What am I letting myself in for?” he said humorously as he turned toward her again.

“Paternity?”

“And I thought romance was dead!”

“You will stay tonight, then?”

“I might consider it – if I have any energy left.”

“I shall make sure you have! But now, there is someone I would like you to meet.”

“No more games – or tests?”

“Naturally not. It is only a short drive. You may drive me, if you wish.”

Thorold bowed in deference. “Of course, ma’am. There be, like” he said in a demotic voice,
“one little problem, your Ladyship. I canna’ drive.”

She started to play her allotted role, then thought better of it and said, seriously, “Really? I
didn’t know.”

Thorold made an imaginary mark on an imaginary board with his finger. “One up for me,
then!”

She did not quite know how to react to his playfulness. “Do you wish to learn?” she asked.
“What?”

“To drive, of course.”

“Not really. I’m quite content walking. Why should I want to leave Shropshire? All I need is
here – within walking distance usually.”

“But your business, surely,” she said.

“A few trips a year – by train. The fewer, the better.”

Nearby, a pendulum clock struck the hour. “Come,” she urged, “or we shall be late.”

“May I ask to where?”

“Oh a small village, not far”

“Why the rush?”

“Because it is seven o’clock already, and we have to arrive before someone else.”

“I suppose all will be revealed?”

She smiled. “Possibly.”

Thorold followed her out of the library. He was curious, perplexed and pleased. Her dress
was thin, and suited to the warm weather and he had noticed, while she talked, how her
nipples stood out. He could not help his feelings, and as he watched her collect her keys
from a table in the hall, turn and briefly smile at him, he realized he was in love.

Compared to that feeling, the reason for the journey was not important to him. Outside, he
could hear cats fighting.
 VII

Lianna was right. Their journey was not long even though she took the longer route. She
drove alone the narrow, twisty lanes southeast of Shrewsbury town to pass the Tree with
the House in It, the wood containing Black Dick’s Lake, to take the steep lane up toward
Causeway Wood.

“This lane,” she said, breaking their silence, “used to be called the Devil’s Highway. Just
there –“ and she indicated an overgrown hedge, “was a well called Frog Well where three
frogs lived. The largest was, of course, called Satan and the other two were imps of his.”

The lane rose, to twist, then fall to turn and rise again, always bound by high hedge and
always narrow. A few farms lay scattered among the valleys and the hills on either side, a
few cottages beside it and Thorold caught glimpses of nearby Lawley Hill and wooded
banks and ridges that he did not know.

The village she drove through was quiet, its houses, cottages and church mostly built from
the same gray stone, and Thorold was surprised when she stopped beside an old timbered
cottage whose curtainless small windows were covered in grime.

“Wait here, will you?” she asked.

Thorold watched her enter the door of the cottage without knocking. For over ten minutes he
waited. But the heat of the sun made the car stuffy and uncomfortable, and he got out to
walk toward the cottage gate. As he did so a man appeared, quite suddenly from the small
rutted driveway across the road. He was old, dressed in worn working clothes and wore a
battered hat.

“You not been here before, then?” he asked Thorold.

A surprised Thorold stopped, and turned. “Er, no I haven’t.”

“You come for The Giving, then?”

Before he could reply, Lianna appeared beside him. She smiled at the old man, nodded and
held Thorold’s hand. Thorold saw the man’s look of surprise, and the old man raised his hat,
slightly, bowed just a little toward Lianna and shuffled away, back along the tree-shadowed
driveway.

“Come on,” she said to Thorold, “I shall show you round.”

She still held his hand as they walked along the lane toward the mound and the church. Her
gesture pleased him, but she did not speak and he let himself be led sun-wise around the
mound, up through the wooden gate and through under the shade of the trees. She
lingered, briefly, by the largest oak to take him down and back toward her car. A young
woman in a rather old-fashioned dress stood near it.

“I shall not be long,” Lianna said, and left him, to walk the fifty yards.

He could not hear what was said between the two women, but several times the young
stranger turned to look at him. Then, she seemed to curtsy slightly to Lianna before walking
away, but the movement was so quick Thorold believed he had been mistaken.

Lianna beckoned to him and he, obedient, went toward her.

“There is something else I would like to show you.” She opened the passenger door of her
car for him.

“What did you think?” she asked as they drove away from the village.

“Of what?”

“The village, of course.”

“Alright. Seemed a very quiet place. They seemed to know you.”

She avoided the subject by saying, “Do you ever see your wife?”

“Occasionally. Why do you ask?”

“You never divorced.”

Her words confirmed Thorold’s earlier suspicions. “So, you’ve been checking up on me?”

“Of course! You are still friends, then?”

“Yes. Where exactly are we going?”

“Just a place I know. Very efficacious – for certain things. A stone circle, in fact.”

The lane gave way to a wide road that took them down and turning into the Stretton valley,
through the township and up the steep Burway track to the heather-covered, sheep-strewn
Mynd. The turning she took, brought them down over Wild Moor to a stream filled valley of
scattered farmsteads, up over moor, past the jagged rocks of the Stiperstones, past woods
and abandoned mine-workings and high hills, to a narrow rutted track.

“Just a short walk,” she said, and briefly touched his face with her fingers.

The moorland was exposed and covered in places by fern, almost encircled by distant
undulating hills. Thorold had walked the path before, in a storm, to the clearing which
contained a flattened circle of stones, some tall, some broken and some fallen. He had not
stayed long then, for his walk of that day was long and the weather bad. Now, a breeze
cooled him as he walked beside Lianna, and she held his hand as they entered the circle to
stand at its centre.

“Looks like someone has lit a fire recently,” Thorold said, indicating the burned ground
under their feet.

In answer, Lianna kissed him and guided his body to the Earth. She did not need to
encourage him further. His passion was strong but her need and frenzy were stronger and
his body soon arched upon hers in orgasmic ecstasy to leave him relaxed and sleep-
inclined.

“I must go now,” she suddenly said before rising and smoothing down her dress. “Meet me
on June the twenty-first outside the church in the village. At dawn. And do not worry about
what you saw in the film. I will solve that particular problem – in my own way.” She bent
down to touch his forehead with her hand. “Sleep now, and remember me.”

No sooner had she touched him than he was asleep, and she pulled up his trousers and re-
fastened his belt before walking back along the track to her car.

Almost an hour later, Thorold awoke. She was not waiting for him by her car as he hoped
and he walked slowly under the hot sun along the road and away from the stone circle. He
walked for miles without stopping and when he did stop his memory of her was like a
dream. A few cars and other vehicles passed him as he continued walking along the road
past the wooded sides of Shelve Hill and down toward Hope Valley, but he did not try to
stop them to ask for their assistance. There was a shop in the village at the valley’s bottom
but he passed it by, unwilling to break the rhythm of his walking. He wondered about the
lateness of the hour, about customers waiting for his shop to open, about Lianna and her
strange interests.

There was little breeze to dry the sweat, which covered him as he walked, and he would
stop, occasionally, to wipe the forehead with his hand. He did not mind the sweat, the heat
or even his walking, and the nearer he came to Shrewsbury town, following the road down
from the hills to the well-farmed plain around the town, the more he became convinced of
the folly of his love. He began to convince himself that he did not care about Lianna – that
she was only a brief liaison to be well and happily remembered in the twilight years of his
life. But he nevertheless took the town roads that led toward her house.

He stood outside her gate for a long time, aware of his thirst for water and his sweat-filled
clothes. For almost five hours he had walked toward his goal, and he stood before it
exhausted and dizzy but still determined.

No one came to answer his loud rapping on the door of the house, and he wandered round,
peering in the windows. Around the back, a young woman was kneeling as she tended a
bed of bright flowers, and she smiled at Thorold before rising and saying, “Hello! Can I help
you?”

Her face and bare arms were sunburned, and as she came closer, Thorold could see her
hands were roughened and hard.

“I came to see Lianna.”

“Ah! You must be Thorold. She told me to expect you.”

“Is she in?”

“Afraid not.”

“Do you know when she will be back?”

“Three to four weeks.”

“Are you sure?”

“Quite.”

“Do you know where she has gone?”

“Amsterdam, she said.”

In the middle of the large expanse of well-tended lawn, a sprinkler showered water, and
Thorold went toward it to stand in the spray. The coolness refreshed him, and he washed
his face and neck several times with his hands before cupping his palms together to try to
catch sufficient water to drink. He was not very successful.

The young woman with the sad face watched him, bemused.

“Would you like a drink?” she finally asked.

“If you don’t mind.” He left the spray to stand in the sun.

He followed her to a small outbuilding shaded by the branches of a walnut tree. Inside, and
neatly arranged, was a large selection of gardening tools, two small tables and some chairs.
A small sink and tap adorned one wall.
“Tea?” she asked, and seeing his surprise, added, “I was about to make one for myself.”

“You work here, then?”

“Sometimes.”

She smiled, and her smile reminded Thorold of Lianna and the reason why he had come.
He thought, briefly, of rushing away to an airport to find her, but this romantic impulse did
not last. He felt physically exhausted from his walk and emotionally confused, a piece in a
game Lianna was playing. And his own pride was sometimes quite strong.

“Actually,” the woman said, intruding upon his thoughts, as she filled the kettle with water,
“my father is the gardener here. He’s away at the moment.” She handed him a towel.

Thorold did not mind its colour or the stains. “Does she often go away?”

“Quite often, yes.”

“I know this may sound strange,” Thorold said, “but I don’t know her surname.”

“Alledone.” She smiled as she said the name.

It’s significance escaped Thorold. “Mine’s Imlach, but you can call me Sarah.” The young
woman smiled again, and began to remove her clothes.

VIII

It was if Thorold could still hear her laughter. He had left, as she had stood naked before
him. It was not that he was not aroused by the sight of her lithe body; it was that he felt
himself again part of a game Lianna was playing.

He had left without speaking, and her laughter seemed to mock him. He did not care for
long. His tiredness, hunger and thirst returned, and he walked almost as if in a trance of his
Apartment. He drank, ate and rested, and when darkness came he lay himself wearily down
to sleep. His sleep was fitful, disturbed by images of Lianna. Once, she appeared before
him smiling and dressed in black. They were in a dark and cold place; full of mists and
smells and when she kissed him it was as if she was sucking life from him. He felt dizzy and
exhausted, and when she stopped to stand back and laugh, he fell to the ground where rats
waited.

Several times during the night he awoke shouting and covered in sweat. Morning found him
tired but restless and mentally disturbed. Outside his dwelling, the weather was cloudless
and hot, but he himself felt cold, and dressed accordingly.

Dawn had long since passed when he left to walk to his shop and, despite the lateness of
the hour; he was surprised to find the town quiet. Only on entering his shop did he
remember it was Sunday. Momentarily pleased, he left to walk up the narrow street toward
the trees and spaces of Quarry Park. For some time he stood by the wrought iron gates,
looking down toward the river, and while he stood, absorbed in his thoughts and feelings
about Lianna, church bells tolled, calling the faithful to prayer.

The sound pleased him, as the weather itself did, but he began to shiver from cold. But the
strange sensation did not last and he began to slowly walk beside the old town walls toward
the reddish-gray stones of the Catholic Cathedral.

Mass had not long ended, and he could still smell burning wax from the altar candles. A
faint fragrance of incense remained and, conditioned by his childhood, he performed a
genuflexion before seating himself near the altar. Even in the years of his apostasy he had
often visited churches of the religion of his youth, finding within them a peace and tranquillity
which pleased him and which drew him back. He did not know the reason for this, and
although he had thought about it occasionally, he had left the matter alone, content just to
accept the feeling, whatever its cause. Once, his wife – tired of such visits and such silent
sittings – had challenged him repeatedly on the matter, and he, unwilling to speak, had
muttered briefly about the stones and the space within the building as creating a special
atmosphere. He had partly believed himself, but a vague suspicion about God remained. All
his subsequent visits during the years of his marriage he had made alone.

He sat on the wooden pew gently breathing and still for a long time, free from thoughts and
feelings about Lianna and was about to leave, calm and happy, when a Priest walking
toward the altar turned toward him and smiled.

The man was young – too young, Thorold thought, to be a Priest. His face was gentle, his
smile kind and in the moment that measured the meeting of their eyes Thorold felt a holy
aura about the man. It was a strange sensation – a mixture of joy and sadness – and
possessed for Thorold a uniqueness, bringing back memories from the years of his youth:
the sound of the communion bell, the reverence as the head was bowed, the host shown;
the smell of incense… Then the Priest genuflected, and walked through the sacristy door.

Thorold followed, consumed by a desire to speak to the Priest. But the sacristy was empty
and, beyond in the narrow corridor, a balding bespectacled man in a cassock mumbled
words from a Breviary he held in his hand.

“Yes. Can I help you?” he asked as he saw Thorold.

“Yes – I’m looking for the young Priest who just came this way.”

The old man squinted, closed his Breviary, and said, “Young man, you say? No one else is
here but me.”

“But – “ Thorold looked up and down the corridor, back toward the sacristy, and as he did
so he realized he had seen a ghost.

“Father –“ Thorold began.

“Yes?”

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

The old Priest started to look at his wristwatch, thought better of it, and said, “Yes, of
course. Shall we go into the garden?”

He led Thorold down the corridor, through several doors, rooms and a passage, into a small
but neat garden. He indicated a wooden bench.

“Do you believe,” Thorold asked directly, “that Satanism exists today?”

The Priest smiled. “I myself do, of course. But some of our younger brethren have different
ideas.”

“About Satan?”

“Indeed.”

“And such people – would they have any powers?”

“To an extent, yes. I remember reading somewhere – a long time ago…” He thought for a
moment, removed his spectacles, cleaned the lenses with a handkerchief from his pocket,
blew his nose and continued. “Joseph de Tonquedec I believe it was, who said something
like ‘the Devil’s interventions in the material realm are always particular and are of two
kinds, corresponding to miracle and Providence on the divine side. For just as there are
divine miracles, so there are diabolical signs and wonders.’ “ He replaced his spectacles,
squinted at Thorold, and said, “Why do you ask?”

“Curiosity.”

“Curiosity, of course,” smiled the Priest.

“And these people, when they want to – how shall I say? – draw someone into their circle,
how would that person feel?”

“I am no authority on such matters.”

“But surely you have heard things?”

“Heard things? Yes, of course. I have been in Holy Orders a long time.”

“And?”

“I remember one incident – years ago. Many years ago. A young girl was involved. There
was a man – whether he actually worshipped the Devil, I do not know, but he was said to.
He brought this girl under his influence. Gradually, of course, for that is how I believe they
work. She who was happy became joyless – a shell. For he sucked the life from her.
Thinking back now, she was like an addict – needing him.” The Priest kept his silence for a
long time.

When he did not speak, Thorold asked, “And what became of her – and him?”

“Oh, she died – wasted away. He left the country. Never heard of him again. My first Parish.
Her family of course kept the matter quiet. That’s how they work: slowly, offering to their
victims what that victim most desires. For some, it is money, others power – for others
perhaps love and affection. When they have that person under their control - they have one
more soul for the Devil. He rewards them, of course, for bringing such a prize.” He looked at
his wristwatch. “Just curiosity, you say?” When Thorold did not reply, he added, “I have a
friend, a monk, who knows more about such matters.”

“No. No, thank you, Father. I must be going now.”

He stood up.

“As you wish,” the Priest said and smiled.

“Thank you, Father.” Thorold turned, and hurried away, back through the church and into
the bright sunlight.

He felt cold again, and walked briskly back along the path by the narrow road toward Quarry
Park, aware as he did so of a man behind him. The man stopped when he stopped, waited
when he waited, and walked when he did, many yards behind. Thorold felt a brief fear.
Then, suddenly and unexpectedly for him, he felt anger and turned to walk back to face the
man.

The man was tall, his face tanned and lined by decades of weather. He held in his hat in his
hand and his heavy unfashionable suit seemed to unsuited to he hot weather.

“Why are you following me?” Thorold demanded.

“I am Imlach.”
Thorold’s surprise lasted only a few seconds. “Well, you can tell Lianna that I’m not playing
any more of her games! I never want to see her again!” His anger, frustration and incipient
fear moulded his words and he felt himself shaking.

“You will be there,” Imlach said, with menace in his voice, “on the twenty-first as she
instructed.” He touched Thorold’s shoulder, placed his hat upon his head and abruptly
turned to walk away, down the hill.

Thorold did not watch for long. But he had taken only a few steps back toward his shop
when he realized the coldness he had felt was gone.

Around him, he felt he could hear Imlach’s daughter laughing.

IX

Carefully, in the dawn light which entered his room, Mallam refolded the parchment before
hiding it, safely he thought, behind the mirror on the wall. He felt unusually excited, almost
possessed, by a desire to find and steal Lianna’s secret horde.

He found Monica asleep downstairs on the sofa, the house quiet and otherwise quite empty.
He did not like the silence, and turned the radio on loudly.

“Come on, wake up!” He shook Monica several times.

“What?” she mumbled.

“Get up! I want some breakfast,” he demanded.

“What time is it?”

“About four. Come on – I’ve got to go out soon.”

Monica turned over intent on resuming her sleep.

“Get up you lazy bitch!” he shouted.

“Leave me alone,” she mumbled.

“Get up!” he snarled, and shook her again.

“I’m tired.”

“I want some breakfast!”

“Get you own.”

This sign of defiance, meek though it was, enraged Mallam, and he took her by the
shoulders to throw her onto the floor.

“Get off me!” she screamed. In the struggle, she kicked him.

“You whore! You bitch!” Mallam shouted and began to beat her body with his fists.

She tried to protect herself with her arms, but to no avail, and Mallam in his fury, ripped off
her dress.

“You like this, don’t you?” he smirked as he fumbled with the belt on his trousers.

But Monica was crying, and tried desperately to wriggle free. He slapped her face several
times before attempting to kiss her. Suddenly, her flailing hand touched a lamp knocked
over in the struggle and before she was aware of what she was doing, she hit his head with
it several times. He groaned, then collapsed but she pushed his body from her.

He was only stunned by the blows, and she took advantage of this to grasp her dress and
flee from the room and house. Her dress was torn, but she did not care, and she put it on
before running away.
It did not take him long to recover. He changed his clothes, collected a large portion of the
money he had hidden in the house, and left to find her. He toured the streets around the
house in his car, then, finding nothing, drove to her Flat. The streets around the Abbey were
deserted and he parked in the shadow of the large old Benedictine building to wait and
watch the row of terraced houses across the road. A few cars passed while he waited, and
he was soon bored.

He thought the church was mocking him, and he spat in its direction before crossing the
road to unlock the front door with his key. Her Flat was on the ground floor, and faced the
Abbey, a fact that he had detested on his infrequent visits. Quietly, he opened her door and
it did not take him long to wreck her few possessions, and he sat at the table by the window
to wait for her. Her clothes he had torn and scattered on the floor, and with a knife from her
small kitchen he had slashed her bedding, her pictures and anything else he could find. Her
Teddy bear he had disembowelled and set upon the table before him.

The longer he waited, the more frustrated he became until, after hours of waiting, he
smashed the table, the chairs and overturned her bed. Then, hearing movement in the Flat
above, he crept out into the bright sun of morning.

He drove fast and almost recklessly away from the town toward the village of Stredbow,
remembering his greed and his hatred of Lianna. He left his car near the mound of the
church and wandered around the quiet village trying to locate the house and, when he did,
he was not impressed, as a tourist might have been by the black and white half-timbered, if
somewhat restored, house. The front garden of the residence was separated from the
narrow lane by a low wall of large stones, and, set back in a corner of the grounds and
almost obscured by a tree, Mallam saw a small stone building. The stones were worn by the
weather of centuries, and he was considering how best to sneak toward when he knew to
be his goal – whether then or later that night – when a young woman in an old fashioned
dress came out of the house toward him.

Her face was round and her cheeks red and she had gathered her hair in a band behind her
neck.

“It’s a fair old morning, isn’t it?” she asked and smiled.

Immediately, Mallam thought her stupid and dull. “Yes!” he agreed, trying to ingratiate
himself.
“You passing through, then?” She stood by the low wooden gate, resting her hands on its
top.

“Yes. Yes I am.”

“Come far, have you?”

“No, not really.”

“Be a hot day, again.”

“Yes. I don’t suppose,” he asked and smiled at her, “there is anywhere I could get a cup of
tea. Only I’ve been driving all night.”

“Can’t say as I can think of anywhere. Lest ways, not round here.”

“Oh.” He tried to sound disappointed.

“You must be hot – in all them black clothes.”

“Yes – I am a bit.”

“Well – “ she began before looking him over, letting her eyes linger for a while on his crotch,
“I suppose I could see my way to letting you have some water. You want to come into my
kitchen? It’s cool in there – and what with you being so hot.”

“Yes, that would be fine.” He concealed his glee.

“Follow me, then.”

He did, his mind already full of scheming.

“Sit yourself down.”

The kitchen was large, cool and full of old furnishings. Bunches of drying herbs hung from
the walls, and rows of cork-stoppered glass jars adorned nearly all the other spaces. Most
seemed to contain herbs or spices but a few appeared to Mallam to contain parts of animals
or insects. He could not be sure for the strong odours made him feel dizzy.

“Sit you down.”

She brought him an earthenware mug full of water, which she placed on the old table beside
him.

“Good water, that is. From the well. None of your piped stuff.”

Mallam drank, and began to feel better. “You have a well, then?” he asked.

“Been here for centuries, that well.”

“That old building in your garden – that’s not it, is it?

“That? No – that belongs to her!” She almost spat the last word out.

“Who?”

“She herself who owns this house – and most of the village. You mark my words, one day
that family will pay for what its done!”

“So that old building is not yours, then?”

“Keeps it locked, she does. Once or twice a year she comes to it. Nobody I know has seen
inside.”

“You don’t like her then?”

“No one here does, I tell you. For as long as anyone can remember her family have owned
all the land here - and the houses what’s in them.”

The woman looked around while she spoke, and Mallam guessed she was afraid.

“She herself does not live here, in the village?”

“Why no! Got a big house in Shrewsbury town, she has. And others elsewhere – abroad, as
well. You feeling better now, then?”

“Yes, thanks.”

“You’d best be going.”

Mallam sensed the sudden change in her mood, as if her resentment had overcome all her
other feelings. Mallam had no doubt that the woman had referred to Lianna, and he began
to form a plan of action in his mind.

“The water is good, as you said. Can I take some with me?”

“If you like. I got an empty bottle somewhere.”

“Your husband out, then?

She filled the bottle from an urn by the sink before answering. “In the fields, yes. Since
dawn.”

“You must get lonely.”

“There, take that with you.” She handed him the bottle. Its shape and rubber stopper gave
away its age.

Mallam stood up to face her. “I’ll bring the bottle back, if you wish.”
“If you like.”

“I often pass this way. Well, nearby.”

They stood watching each other. Mallam felt she was waiting for him to make the first
gesture of their intent, and he was about to raise his hand to touch her face when she
turned away.

“Folk around here talk,” she said. “You’d best be away.”

She walked him to the door, where he said, “What would be the best time for me to call for
more water?”

“Sunday, after dark. Wait by there.” She indicated the stone building.

“Until then.” He did not look back as he walked along the path, through the gate and back
up along the lane toward his car, elated by his success and his plan. She would, he thought,
be easy to control. He had seen the desire plain on her face, sensed her frustration. He had
it all worked out in his mind – a homely woman, young and burdened with a desire her hard-
working husband could not or would not fulfill. He would play his role, and gain access to
the building, which he was certain would contain the treasure of the Templars.

Happy and contented, he drove away from the village. He would forget about Monica – she
was just another whore, and there were plenty more, as there were plenty more girls ready
to be enticed into his group. Maurice Rhiston, he felt sure, would not fail him.

Thorold spent the hours of the morning walking slowly or sitting by the river as it wound its
way through the town, and when he did return to his Apartment he was tired and thirsty and
still thinking about Lianna. For once, the hot sun in a clear deep blue sky did not bring forth
a mood of peace and contentment, and he trudged wearily up the short overgrown path that
led from the river to the road of his dwelling.
A woman was sitting on his doorstep, and he sighed, thinking of Lianna and the games she
played with people. The woman was a pitiful sight to him – her face was swollen, she was
barefoot and her dark dress was torn. She saw him approaching, and rose.

“Hello!” he said like a simpleton.

Monica smiled at him.

“Can I help you?” he asked. She nodded, but said nothing and Thorold could see the fear in
her eyes. “You’d better come in,” he said.

Across the street he could see a net-curtain twitching in the bottom Apartment. His dwelling
was stuffy and hot, and he opened all the windows. By the time he had finished the woman
had curled up and fallen asleep on the sofa. He covered her with a blanket. She was young;
her oval face enchanting despite the swelling, and Thorold searched his own wardrobes for
suitable clothes for her, which might fit.

For hours she slept, and when she did awake, he sat by her on the floor.

“Would you like some tea?” he asked.

“You haven’t got anything stronger, have you?”

“Sorry, no. But I do have a good selection of teas. Any preference?”

“Not really.” Her smile was forced.

“Are you hungry?”

“A little, yes.”

“Some toast, then?”

“That would be nice. You’re very kind.”

Embarrassed, Thorold stood up. “Mind if I ask,” he said as he busied himself in his kitchen,
“what you were doing on my doorstep.”

“Waiting for you of course!”

“I suppose that is logical. There are some clothes there, if you want to try them.”

“Thanks, I will. You have a bathroom, I presume.”

“Down the hall, second door.”

She returned wearing a shirt several sizes too large and a pair of jeans that almost fitted. He
presented her with a tray containing teapot, jug of milk, cup and saucer and a plate of
buttered toast.

“I was right about you,” she said softly, taking the tray.

“Since we have not met, Thorold said, “may I introduce myself?”

“Thorold West,” she replied.

“Ah! My fame precedes me! And you are?”

“Monica.”

“Well, Monica, I suppose that a certain lady sent you?”

“Sorry?”

“Lianna. Or perhaps I should say Alledone.”

“No.”

“But you do know her?”

“Not exactly. Perhaps I should explain.”

“It might help – after you’ve finished your tea, of course.”

He sat beside her, and waited, occasionally smiling when she stole a look at his face.

“The person who did this –“ she gestured toward her face, “was watching you because you
were involved with that woman. He was an ex-pupil of hers but they disagreed about his
activities.”

Thorold guessed her meaning. “Young girls?”

“You know, then?”

“Just a guess. What’s his name?”

“Mallam. Edgar Mallam.”

“And he did that to you?”

“Yes.”

Thorold’s objectivity began to disappear. The film he had seen, the physically abused
woman who sat beside him, his own fading but still present and mixed feelings about
Lianna, all combined to undermine his calm resigned acceptance of the world and its darker
deeds.

“He sent me to follow you – once,” she said.

“I must be more observant in the future!” When she did not return his smile, he said, “tell me
about yourself – only if you want though.”

“And if I do – will you still help me?”

“It is my help you want, then?”

“Yes. I want out. I’m finished with them.”

Slowly at first, then with increasing confidence as she saw he was not repulsed or
disapproving, she explained about her life. The parties at University, the half-serious
searching for new experiences which led her and some friends into a kind of ‘Black Magick’
sect and a meeting with Mallam. It had been, for her, a game at first – a revolt against her
upbringing, her parents and what she saw as society. She had enjoyed herself – and was
gradually drawn deeper and deeper into the activities of this sect.

“I knew what was going on,” she concluded. “At first, I did not care. Then he – Mallam –
chose me as his Priestess. I was flattered. I had power over others and for a long time I
thought I was in love with him. But I began to feel disturbed at some things he and the
others were doing. Then this – it sobered me up!” She laughed, a little, at herself. “I should
have come to you sooner. I spent yesterday and last night hiding in the town.”

“How do you know you can trust me?”

She sighed. “I have to start somewhere – trusting someone. Anyway – you’ve got a kind
face!”

“Have you thought of going to the Police?”

“Yes – but what could they do? They need evidence.”

“You could give them plenty.”

“Not really. Now I’m gone he’ll change all of his arrangements – even the places they use.”
“Any you still fear him?”

“Yes,” she said quietly.

“Do you live in Shrewsbury?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I thought – “

“I couldn’t go back there!” He’s probably got someone watching the place.”

“What do you intend to do?”

“I know it’s asking a lot, but could I stay here - at least for a few days?”

Thorold liked living by himself, but his compassion for the woman overcame his objections.
“Well, actually, I suppose so – for a few days.’

“You are kind!” And she kissed him.

Embarrassed again, Thorold stood up. “We could go to your place and collect some clothes
for you. Those are not exactly a good fit.”

“He might be waiting,” she said softly.

“Is that so? I’ll telephone for a taxi, then.”

The wait and the journey were not long, and he stood beside her while she rang the doorbell
of the Flat above.

“Hi!” she said in greeting to the dishevelled man who opened the door. “Forgot my front
door key again! Sorry!”

The man yawned, scratched his face and sauntered back up the stairs.

“Can you?” Monica asked Thorold, pointing at the door to her Flat.

“Are you sure?”

“I won’t be coming back here again.”

Thorold tested the door, stepped back, and kicked it hard, bursting the lock open. Monica
said nothing about the devastation Mallam had caused, but stood by the window, cuddling
her torn Teddy bear and crying while Thorold began to sort through the devastation to find
undamaged clothes and belongings. He found a suitcase for his collection, took Monica’s
hand and led her, still crying and clutching her bear, out to where the taxi waited. He saw no
one watching them, or following the taxi, and relaxed, wanting to hold her hand as a gesture
but unwilling to commit himself in case his gesture was misunderstood.

Books adorned the floor and bed of his spare room, and on his return he removed them.

“Come on,” he said as she sat still on his sofa holding the bear. “I shall show you your
room, and then we can begin.”

She looked at him nervously, so he added, “finding evidence to use against him.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I presume you want to.”

“What?” she asked defensively.

“Find evidence?”

“I suppose so. I hadn’t really thought about it. I just wanted to get away. I have no friends
here – he saw to that.”

“Can you drive?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“But I don’t have a license. Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you involved – in her activities?”

“The mysterious Lianna Alledone herself you mean?”

“No. She bought some books and manuscripts form me. That’s all.”

“Really?” Her expression was of surprise and belief in what he had said.

He did not want to lie to her. “Well, there was something else, but that is over now.”

She smiled, and held up her bear. “Let me introduce you. Reginald, say hello to Thorold.”
She waved his paw.

“Hello, Reginald!” a bemused Thorold said.

“Regi to his friends.”

“Hello Regi!”
“Do you have a needle and some thread?”

“Somewhere. Going to do a bit of minor surgery, then?”

She patted Regi’s head. “It’s alright, Regi, it won’t hurt. Honest.”

Thorold sighed. “I hope I’m not going to regret this.”

“What – lending me a needle and thread?”

It was not what he meant, and she knew it, as he instantly understood her playfulness. He
felt comfortable with her and re-assured – for in the first moments of their meeting he had
liked her. Unwilling to think about his feelings further, he said, “You know where he lives?”

“Yes.”

“Then I suggest we eat, provide ourselves with some transport and begin our quest.”

She saluted in good-humoured mockery. “Just one thing, General.”

“Yes?”

“Can I have a bath first, please?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

A speeding car braked suddenly in the road outside and he saw Monica wince and hold her
bear tightly. It was only a car avoiding a strolling cat, and as he returned from looking out
the window, her fear made him resolve to seek out and destroy Mallam: her tormentor and
the molester of children. His resolution made him forget both his dreams about, and his
memories of, Lianna.
 XI

Several times, while Monica lay in his bath singing to herself, Thorold resisted the
temptation to wander into the bathroom on some pretext or other. Instead, he busied himself
by telephoning one of his few friends.

He spoke quietly, not wishing to be overheard, and ended the conversation abruptly when
Monica entered the room, dressed in some of her rescued clothes.

“I shall see you shortly, then,” he said and replaced the telephone receiver.

“A friend?” Monica asked.

“Just arranging some transport. Are you ready?”

“What for?”

“I thought we would eat out.”

“That would be nice.” She went toward him to kiss him to thank him for his kindness, and
then decided against it, thinking he might misinterpret her gesture.

The evening was humid; the sun hazy and there was no breeze to cool them as they walked
the streets that took them to the centre of the town. The restaurant Thorold chose was
small, its food plain but wholesome and its windows overlooked the river – a fact which
appealed to him. The waiter recognized him, and pretended not to see Monica’s swollen
face.

“Good evening, Mr. West. A table by the window?”

Thorold nodded, embarrassed, believing Monica would think he had chosen the restaurant
to impress her.

They ate in silence for a long time until Thorold said, “what do you know about Mallam’s
connection with Lianna?

“Not much. He approached her about a year ago - wanted to learn about her tradition.”

“Which is what?”

“What she called the seven-fold sinister way – or something similar.”

“Satanism?”

“Not it the conventional sense. Our friend Mallam,” and she smiled, “takes that route. He
showed me a book she had given him.”

“Oh, yes?”

“The Black Book of Satan I believe it was called. She believes that each individual can
achieve greatness: but that must come through self-insight. There are certain rituals –
ceremonies – to bring this.”

“And Mallam?”

“He wants power and pleasure – for himself.”

“And is prepared to do anything to achieve it.”

“Yes.”

“But she – Lianna – still uses people.”

“Yes. I think she was using Edgar. But why and for what purpose, I don’t know. In her book I
remember reading about members of the sect being given various tests and led into diverse
experiences. These were supposed to develop their personality.”
“Doesn’t sound like Satanism to me.”

“Well, some of the experiences involved confronting the dark or shadow aspect: that hidden
self which lies in us all. Liberating it through experiences. Then rising above it.”

“And Mallam and his cronies? They wallow in their dark side – without transcending it?”

“Something like that. Enough of him – tell me about yourself. If you want to, that is.”

“Not much to tell, actually.”

“That’s not what I’ve heard.”

Thorold soon hid his surprise. “Oh, yes?”

“He found out about your past,” she said softly.

“Is that why you came to me?”

“Yes.”

Thorold smiled. “And I thought it was just because of my kind face!”

“So it’s true?”

“That depends. How did he come by such information?”

“Someone involved in the sect was once a Policeman – through his contacts.”

Thorold sighed. He had guessed that Lianna had discovered at least something about his
past, but this new revelation dismayed him, although not for long.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“Not really.”

“That’s fine by me. I’m not as bad as you think. Your past is yours, just as mine is mine.
What is important is what we are now.”

“Your past does not matter to me.”

“Likewise.” And she smiled.

“However did you become involved with such people? Thorold sighed.

“Not the type you mean?”

“Not really. How did you become involved?”

“I suppose – “ She stopped, waiting until the waiter had removed their dishes and served
them coffee. “I just wanted more and more ‘highs’. I remember I used to find that with men –
the first intimate touch, the first French kiss, and then the exploration of the new. Of course,
what followed was good. Well, some of the time,” she laughed. “But – I don’t know – it was,
how can I say, the excitement, the build-up that really got me. I just couldn’t get enough of
that feeling. What Mallam and his sect offered seemed – at the time – just an extension of
that.”

“I do know what you mean. It’s why I used to do what I did. There was an ecstasy there – a
feeling, which made me, exult. Most men fight not because of idealism or patriotism or
whatever, but because they enjoy it. They like living on the edge of death. It gives them a
feeling that ordinary life cannot match.”

For a long time they looked at each other until he said: “I used to live with that feeling – or
searched for it, like you perhaps, but in a different way.”

“Then something happens to bring you down to reality.”

“Usually other people.”

“A big slap in the face - literally, with me!” she laughed at her own misfortune. “So what
happened to you?”

“I won’t bore you with the details – you know the rest, I’m sure.”

“But the Court of Inquiry exonerated you?”

“That does not stop people talking.”

“So you resigned.”

“Only way. I put it all behind me – to live quietly.”

“Until now.”

“I suppose I knew it couldn’t last forever. You don’t change that much in a decade. Not deep
inside. You only pretend to yourself. I’ve just stopped pretending.”

“So now what?”

“I pay the bill and we go. That’s enough talking!”

Outside, the streets were busy with people, the road burdened by traffic flowing past the
monument to Hotspur, past the tall spire of St. Mary’s church to descend down the
steepness of Wyle Cop.

“He does not live far,” said Thorold unhelpfully.

“Who?”
“Oh, didn’t I say? The chap who is going to lend me his motorcycle.”

-------

“You must know him well,” Monica said as she struggled into the leather motorcycle suit.

Thorold ignored the remark. “You’re about the same size as his wife, fortunately. Hope the
helmet fits.”

“I hope you can drive that thing,” she said, pointing at the gleaming, powerful motorcycle
that Thorold had brought back from the terraced house in the narrow alley near the railway
bridge and a strip of waste ground covered in second-hand cars for sale at bargain prices.

“I had a few lessons – a few years ago,” he joked.

The visors on both helmets were tinted, the suits black, and Thorold felt good as he skillfully
rode along the streets out toward the suburb where Monica had told him Mallam lived.
Darkness came as they rode, then lightning and thunder to herald the storm. The house
was on a new estate that had expanded the western boundary of the town, and they waited
nearby while lights showed in the house. The storm passed, and their patience was
rewarded, as twilight settled.

It was not difficult for Thorold to follow Mallam’s car along the roads of west and south
Shropshire, but he was surprised when Mallam took the turning that led to the village of
Stredbow. He left the bike a discreet distance behind where Mallam had parked his car and
walked, with Monica, in the fading light in the direction Mallam had taken.

A diffuse light from an upstairs window made Mallam visible as he crept into the garden of
the house, and Thorold recognized the woman who was waiting as the one Lianna had
spoken to when she had brought him to the village. He could not hear what was said
between them as he crouched by the garden wall, but he saw the woman point to the
window then to the darkness that shrouded the back of the garden. He did not follow them
further.

Mallam was not away for long. The light showed him nervously glancing around as he stood
by the stone building in the garden. He tried the door, fumbled with the heavy padlock,
glanced around several times more before almost creeping toward the gate.
Hurriedly, Thorold pushed Monica down to the ground. He could hear her breathing as he
lay close to her, but Mallam neither heard nor saw them as they huddled close to the wall in
the shielding dark, and they were left to slowly rise and follow him back to his car.

Somewhere among the houses near the mound, a dog howled.

XII

Mallam led them not to his house, but over the hills toward the Welsh border. Thorold
thought the roads familiar, but it was only as Mallam came to his destination that Thorold
realized where they were – near the track that led to the circle of stones Lianna had shown
him.

“I wish I had brought a camera,” he whispered to Monica as they lay, under the cover of the
ferns, watching the group that had assembled within the stones. Lanterns, holding candles,
were spread around the ground and in their light the ritual unfolded. Mallam had bedecked
himself in a black cloak.

“Our Father which wert in heaven,” they heard the assembly chant, “hallowed be thy Name,
in heaven as it is on Earth. Give us this day our ecstasy and deliver us to evil as well as
temptation, few we are your kingdom for aeons and aeons.”

A woman was stripped, and bound to one of the larger standing stones. There were more
chants, people in black robes dancing anti-sunwise inside the circle, dramatic invocations by
Mallam, and a ritual scourging of the woman who was bound.

“Provide us pleasure, Prince of Darkness,” Thorold heard a man say, “and help us to fulfill
our desires!”

The balding, slightly overweight man unbound the woman, pushed her to the ground, and
began to copulate with her, while others gathered around, clapping their hands and chanting
to their Prince.
Thorold was not impressed. “It takes all sorts, I suppose,” he said quietly to Monica. “That
the sort of thing you used to be involved in?”

“Yes.”

“No one under age I can see.”

“Those sorts of things are never done in the open.”

The balding man interested Thorold. “We might as well wait until they’ve finished.”

It was a long wait, and several times Thorold almost fell asleep. When the revellers did
leave, he followed not Mallam, but the man he had watched. His trailing of Rhiston led him
back to a prosperous riverside house in Shrewsbury town – a house almost visible from
Thorold’s own Apartment across the water.

For almost an hour they waited outside.

“Well, that’s one down, ten to go,” he said as he indicated to Monica that they should go.

He was glad to return to the peace of his own dwelling. He had removed his leather suit
when Monica said, “Can you help?” She was struggling to free herself from hers.

“It’s a bit tight,” she said.

Thorold smiled. “You’re somewhat larger in some places than she is.”

She lay on the floor while he pulled on the legs of the suit. He fell backwards and banged
his head against a bookcase. He did not mind her laughter, and held his hand out to help
her up from the floor. She stood in front of him, still holding onto his hand, and she had
closed her eyes in anticipation of his kiss when someone knocked, very loudly, on the door
of his Apartment.

Thorold sighed, before leaving to walk down the stairs.

“Yes?” he said gruffly as he opened the door.

“She has sent me,” the man outside said.

It was as he spoke that Thorold recognized Imlach.

“So?” Thorold replied, annoyed.

“She does not like your interference.”

“My what?”

“You are to leave a certain gentleman alone. He is her concern, not yours.”

“Is that so?”

“She kindly requests you not bother him – or any members of his group.”

“Oh, really?”

Imlach moved closer to him. “You’d best heed her advice. For your own sake.”

“Tell her from me I’m not playing her games anymore and I’ll do what I like!” He slammed
the door shut.

Imlach knocked loudly on the door, but when Thorold thrust it open in anger, he could see
no one. He looked around, but the streets were quiet and still. Upstairs he found Monica
asleep on the bed in his spare room. He covered her with a blanket before closing her door
and settling down to listen to music, keeping the volume low.

But the music did not still his feelings as he had hoped, and he spend a listless hours,
listening, attempting to read, and thinking about Monica, Lianna and Mallam. When he did
retire to his bed, strange dreams came again. He was on a cliff above the sea when a man
leapt upon him from behind and tried to stab him. A woman was nearby, and it was Lianna,
laughing. He wrestled the knife away from the man, and stabbed him by accident. Only then
did he see the man’s face. It was his own, and the man lay dead, while Lianna stripped
away her clothes to offer him her body. He moved toward her, aroused and disgusted at the
same time but she changed herself into Monica and he awoke, clawing at the humid air in
his room.

He lay awake, then, restless and troubled, and when sleep came again he dreamt of his
shop. There was a doorway among the shelves where he knew no door existed but he
opened it to walk down stone steps into a cavern. Mallam was there, bent over a stone altar
on which Monica lay tied and bound. He began to move toward them but he found himself
paralyzed and when he could move it was slowly and painfully. Monica kept looking at him,
her eyes pleading and helpless, but then he was alone, riding the motorcycle around the
circle of ancient stones, faster and faster. There was a sudden mist, and he could not stop,
crashing into the largest stone. He felt sad, lying on the ground knowing he was dying – for
there was so much he wanted to do. The mist seemed to form into Lianna’s face, then of
her holding in her arms a baby. ‘You will never know your daughter,’ she said. He awoke
again, to lie tired but unable to sleep, and was glad when dawn came, bringing light to his
room.

He left Monica asleep to spend a few hours alone, thinking about his life and his dreams,
before breakfasting and leaving her a note about his intended surveillance.

Rhiston, in his car, was easy to follow among the morning traffic that took most of the
vehicle occupants to their work, and Thorold was pleased with his success. He watched
Rhiston park his car in front of the large office building before returning to his Apartment.

Monica, obviously watching from his window, came out into the street to greet him, smiling
happily. Thorold was glad, and it seemed natural that he should embrace her. He liked the
feel of her body, but she drew away to take the helmet from his hand and lead him, her
other hand in his, toward the door. Before he could speak, a car drew up alongside and
Thorold recognized Lianna.

“So,” she said as she stood in the road near them, “this is how you repay me!” She stared at
Monica.

Thorold could not understand her sudden anger toward him. “Were you following me?” he
asked.
Lianna ignored the question. “I told you to stop but you took no notice of my words.”

“Why should I?” He could feel Monica tighten her grip on his hand.

“You do not understand,” said Lianna haughtily. “Great things are at stake.”

“Is that so?”

“You deserve better than the likes of her!” She looked at Monica with contempt.

“Really?”

“Leave her – now, and come with me.”

“No!”

For several seconds Lianna did not speak. “You are a fool!” she finally said.

“Goodbye, then.”

Lianna stared at Monica. “You will pay for this!”

“I – “ Monica began to say.

“I think you’d better leave her alone,” Thorold said to Lianna, a trace of anger in his voice.

Lianna laughed. “I’m not finished with you either!”

“Go play your games somewhere else.” He turned away, led Monica into his Apartment and
shut the door without even looking at Lianna.
“She seemed a little angry,” Monica said as they, from the window, watched her drive away.

Thorold shrugged her shoulders. “Jealous of you, I guess.”

“And does she have reason to be jealous?”

“Yes.”

She turned toward him and kissed him. It was a long kiss. “Does she frighten you?” Monica
asked at its end.

“No, actually.”

“I think Edgar is afraid of her.”

“Are you?” He stood beside her but she still held his hand.

“No. Well – perhaps a little.” She shivered.

“Shall we go and see what your old friend Edgar is up to, then?”

“What, now?”

“Yes.” He understood her look and touched her playfully on the end of her nose with his
finger. “We have plenty of time.”

“Good,” she smiled, and kissed him again.

“On the hand, Mallam can wait,“ he said as he began to unbutton her dress.

XIII
For Mallam, the day passed quietly. A van, driven by a trusted member, arrived early in the
morning and he helped in the loading of cult and Temple equipment, including the video
cameras and lights. A few telephone calls, and a safe haven was found - a place unknown,
he knew to Monica. The removal had not taken him long, and he smiled as the van left,
thinking of the rituals to come.

The sun of the afternoon saw him in the neighbouring town of Telford, visiting a house in a
quiet street in Dawley where some of his ladies brought their clients. One girl, just
seventeen, still looked much younger and she was seldom alone on the streets for long. He
arrived at the house as she was leaving for the third time that day.

“Hi. Jenny!” he said in greeting. “You alright?”

“Sure!”

“No problems?” She was his most lucrative girl to date, and he intended to keep it that way.

“No. See ya!”

“Jess in?” he asked.

“Sure!” She waved and walked away to find another client.

Jess was a smiling man of Caribbean appearance with the physique of a wrestler, and he
looked after the practical aspects of Mallam’s business. Their business that day did not take
long. Jess gave him a pile of money which Mallam counted before giving half of it back.

“Any problems?” Mallam asked.

“Not one. I tell you it's too quiet.”

“Got a new house lined up – if we need to move.”

“Any new girls?”

“Maybe soon. I’ll see you next week.”

“Sure thing!”

Outside, in the warm sun, he could see no one watching the house but still drove carefully
away, checking several times to ensure he was not being followed, and he drove slowly
back to Shrewsbury arriving at Rhiston’s house at the time he had arranged.

“You have no trouble arranging time off?” he asked as Rhiston came out to greet him.

“Not at all!”

“Good.”

“Your wife in?”

“Yes.”

“Excellent.”

Inside the house, Mallam greeted Rhiston’s wife by kissing her hand. She was pleased by
this gesture as well as by the look, and smile, which he gave her, unaware that this charm
was a net closing around her.

“Could you,” Mallam asked Rhiston, “get my briefcase from my car?” He held out his car
keys.

“Yes. Yes, of course,” the obsequious Maurice said.

Mallam waited until he was gone. “Jane, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Yes.” She smiled.

“You’re more attractive than I was led to believe.”

“Maurice said you used to work in his department. Is that right?”

“Only for a brief time,” he lied, convincingly. “I’m having a small party – tomorrow night –
and wondered if you’d like to come. He paused for effect. “With your husband, of course.”

“That would be nice.”

“I shall look forward to seeing you there.”

Rhiston returned, bearing the unwanted case. But Mallam took it, saying, “Shall we retire to
your room? That computer program you wanted to show me?”

“Ah, yes!” He turned to his wife. “We’ll be about an hour, dear.”

In the bedroom, Rhiston quickly set up his binoculars on a stand behind the curtains, before
handing Mallam photographs of the girl.

“Not bad!” Mallam said. “Not bad at all!”

“She should not be long, now. A creature of habit,” and he smiled his lecherous smile.

“You seem more settled now.”

”Oh, I am, I am!”

“Good. There is a quote from de Sade, which always appealed to me. It goes something
like – in translation of course! – “The pleasures of crime must not be restrained. I know
them. If the imagination has not thought of everything, if one’s hand one hand has not
executed everything, it is impossible for the delirium to be complete because there is always
the feeling of remorse: I could have done more and I have not done it. The person who, like
us, is eagerly pursuing the career of vice, can never forgive a lost opportunity because
nothing can make it good…” Mallam smiled. “You agree?”

“Naturally, naturally! You and your group have opened my eyes. I cannot stop now.”

“Excellent. I am having a party tomorrow night. Nothing special – just some friends. Bring
your wife.”

“Jane?”

“Yes.” Then: “you seem unsure.”

“No, not really. Just surprised.” He wanted to ask, but dared not.

“Does this work?” Mallam asked, pointing to the computer.

”No. But I could set it up for you, if you wish.”

“Our prey has arrived,” Mallam announced. He watched the girl through the binoculars for
some time before saying, “she is most suitable.”

“I’m glad you are pleased.”

“I shall make the necessary arrangements. Should they be successful – “

“I’m sure they will!”

“ – I can arrange for you to be the first. There will be expenses, and so on.”

“I do understand.”

“How soon can you have the money ready?”

“Next week. I have savings.”

“Tomorrow.”

Yes. Yes, of course. Can I ask how you will - I mean, how she will be…”

“I have experience in these matters.” She had gone from her room, and he studied the
photographs again. “A pretty young thing. At such an age, they all have a weakness. With
her – a wish to be a model, perhaps. Some infatuation with a celebrity. Whatever – there
are ways.”

“Do go on, it’s fascinating.”

“Have her followed – find out where her haunts are. A chance meeting – then an offer
suited to her weakness. Perhaps a few legitimate modelling sessions. Then disguise the
ritual as one, get her drunk. You know the rest.”

“I admire your cleverness! And after?”

“Depends on her – how she reacts. If she takes to it, fine. If not, let her go. If her family
doesn’t care or she wants away from them for whatever reason, draw her in.” He turned to
stare at Rhiston. “I’ve told you all this because for some reason I like you. I’m going abroad
for a while, and want someone to handle things here.”

“I’m very flattered that you should consider me.”

“You’ve proved yourself. But first, there is something I want you to do for me.”

”Anything. Just ask.”

“Tomorrow, after our little party, I have some business to attend to, not far from here. You
will assist me.”

“As you wish.”

The warm weather had brought people into their gardens, and as Mallam stood fingering the
photographs again, he could hear children playing happily and noisily under the heat of the
summer sun. The sounds pleased him, because he understood them as part of a society he
despised. To him, the people in the houses, no less than their children, were important only
insofar as they might offer him the opportunities to indulge both his own pleasure and
power. He felt himself different from them in a fundamental way – a prince among slaves –
and the fact that society had passed laws in favour of them and what he saw as their utterly
futile and wasteful ways of living, made him aware of his own genius even more. He knew
with an arrogant certainty that he could outwit them and their laws – and he enjoyed doing
so, planning and scheming and reaping his rewards, financial and physical and mental.

He believed, sincerely in his own way, in the powers of the Prince of Darkness. To the Devil
he had dedicated his life – his Prince had given him power over ordinary mortals, and he
used that power for his own glory and that of his god. With Lianna’s treasure and his own
powers and genius, he would be invincible.

Pleased with himself, he began to laugh.

XIV

Thorold awoke slowly. Monica’s arm rested on his chest and her face was near his,
peaceful, as she slept. He watched her before caressing her shoulders.

“I have to go out,” he said as she opened her eyes.

“Want me to come?” she said sleepily.

“Only if you want to. Just going to put a note in my shop window. I shouldn’t be long.”

“What time is it?”

“Eleven o’clock.”
“Still early, then.”

“We’ll go out for lunch when I get back.”

“Fine.”

She was asleep as he left the bedroom. Vaguely, she heard him leave the Apartment as,
some time after; she vaguely heard a knock on the bedroom door.

“He should really lock his door when he leaves,” a woman’s voice said.

Startled, Monica sat up. Lianna leaned against the door frame, smiling mischievously.

“What do you want?” Monica asked, angry and afraid at the same time.

“Just a little chat. I have a proposition to put to you.”

“I think it would be better if you left.”

“This will not take long. I have here,” and she held up an attaché case, “ten thousand
pounds in cash. Plus a train ticket – first class naturally – to London. There in a train in half
an hour. I shall of course drive you to the railway station.”

“He will be back in a minute.”

“Not so. Such a charming man, but so open to magickal persuasion.” She took a square of
parchment inscribed with magickal sigils from the pocket of her dress, glanced at it and
smiled before returning it. “So you see, you have no option.”

“Please go.”

“I should explain. If you do not accept my little gift then you will be arrested and charged
with possession of certain drugs. Before I came here, I visited your Flat. Such a mess. You
will be pleased to hear that I have had the place tidied. One telephone call – and a valuable
find by the Police. If you care to look out from the window you will see my car and a
gentleman within it waiting. So useful, those new car telephones!”

“I would deny everything.”

“Of course. But you had a conviction at University, did you not? Only cannabis then – but
we all know, do we not, what the next stage usually is. Then there is the little matter of a
certain video, which had by some chance come into my possession. You may not recall it –
so many such things made, I understand – but there are certain scenes in it which certain
newspapers would enjoy describing. They would no doubt publish some of the photographs.”

Lianna’s smile was almost mocking. “I have of course used only that material which does
not feature a certain person who, until yesterday, you were somewhat well acquainted with.”

“You seemed to have planned things well.”

“I always do.”

“Why is Thorold so important to you that you want me out of the way? I don’t believe for one
moment that you are jealous of me.”

“It is not important for you to know the reason.”

“I want to know – and then,” she said resignedly, “I might accept your offer.”

“A wise decision. It makes things much more civilized. I had other things planned, of course,
if you had resisted.”

”Tell me then.”

“About Thorold?”

“Yes.”

“Since you are going, I suppose it will do no harm. All I will say is that something is about to
occur – something very special which takes place only every fifty or so years.”

“And for this Thorold is important?”

“It could well be,” Lianna smiled. “Now gather your belongings since you have a train to
catch.”

“Mind if I check the case?” Monica asked.

“I shall leave it with you – while you dress.”

Monica did not bother to count the money. She was ready and prepared to leave when she
surreptitiously placed two of the ten pound notes she had extracted from the case under the
motorcycle helmet as it lay on the bookcase in Thorold’s living room. She did not look back
as she left the Apartment.

-------

It was partly the sunny weather, partly Monica waiting asleep in his bed, that prompted
Thorold’s decision – or so he thought at the time. The message in the window of his shop –
announcing an ‘illness’ forcing closure for a week – he left to ride the borrowed motorcycle
back to the house of its owner.

Jake was the opposite of Thorold in almost every way. Broad when Thorold was sinewy; tall
where Thorold was only of medium height; bearded and with many tattoos on his arms.
Thorold was quiet by nature, serious and determined, while Jake was naturally boisterous
with an amiable attitude toward life – unless provoked. He had been easily provoked, until
marriage calmed him a little. Their unusual friendship had been forged in the unusual years
which made Thorold’s past interesting and intriguing, to some who knew of it or who had
discovered it.

Thorold had hardly entered the narrow alley beside the terraced house when Jake
descended upon him. He inspected the bike carefully while Thorold stood and watched in
amusement.

“I don’t suppose,” Thorold said, “you want to sell?”

Jake glared at him, then smiled. “No way!”

“I didn’t think you would. You free for a bit, then?”

“Why?” he asked cautiously.

“Need your advice.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I thought I might buy something similar.”

“You serious?”

“Yes. Can’t really afford it – but still.”

“She’s really got to you, ain’t she?” He thumped Thorold on the back in a friendly gesture.
But Thorold was almost knocked over.

“Not at all – I just thought I might as well make use of this suit and helmet I bought. I had it
in mind when I bought them, in fact,” he said trying to convince himself. “Sitting behind you
a few times a year – well, it’s a bit of waste.”

“I’ll get me helmet, then.”

The staff at Thorold’s Bank were helpful and showed no surprise at him wishing to draw
from his account what, for him, was a large amount cash, and he let Jake drive him to a
succession of motorcycle dealers where machines were discussed, touched, sat upon and
inspected. After less than an hour, Thorold made his decision. He bade his friend farewell
and walked back toward his Apartment, eagerly anticipating the collection of his present to
himself later that afternoon.

At first, on ascending the stairs that led up from his front door, he assumed Monica’s
absence to be temporary – a walk perhaps, by the river, or a visit to a shop nearby. But then
he found her clothes and suitcase missing, and he became sad without quiet knowing why
he was sad. His sadness did not last, for he thought of Mallam forcing her away against her
will.

The idea angered him, and he smashed his fist against his bookcase. The bookcase shook,
moving the helmet and revealing the money. He held the money in his hand, feeling the
newness of the banknotes, and wondering, and the more he thought the more it became
clear to him that it was not Mallam, but Lianna who was responsible. He knew Monica had
had no money of her own. Mallam certainly would not have given her any or left such a
small amount, hidden under his helmet she had used, for him to eventually find. His
reasoning brought him to the conclusion that Lianna had left him the money – as an insult or
gesture. And this displeased him more. Perhaps Monica had been involved with Lianna?

He refused to believe this, and wander around his dwelling without purpose, occasionally
thumping a wall or a door, frustrated and angry – with himself, Lianna and the world. Then,
quite suddenly, it occurred to him that Monica might have left the money as an explanation.
Immediately, he understood – or hoped he did, for he grabbed his own helmet, then hers, to
run down his stairs and out into the street, returning after a few yards as he remembered to
lock his door.

Fine wisps of high white cirrus clouds had begun to cover the blue of the sky, dimming the
sun. But the sun was still hot, sweating Thorold as he ran enclosed in his leather suit toward
the centre of the town.

XV

It did not take Thorold as long as he had expected, even though he had run only for about
the first mile. A taxicab waited outside the entrance to the railway station, and he was glad
to let it convey him the rest of the distance. Several times he checked to ascertain whether
any vehicle was following him.

But Monica was not there, as he had expected and hoped, and he sat on the low wall that
marked Jake’s rear garden, not wanting to think about the consequences of his now obvious
misunderstanding. Neither Jake nor his wife came in answer to Thorold’s repeated thumps
on the door of the house, and he removed his suit to let the sun and breeze dry his sweat.
When an hour of waiting became two and brought scuttering low clouds to smother at
intervals the searing heat of the sun, he folded his suit under his arm, collected the helmets,
and began to walk slowly along the traffic lined streets, over the English Bridge and into the
centre of town.

His new motorcycle, powerful and gleaming as Jake’s had been, brought him only a brief
sparkle of pleasure, and he rode without any enthusiasm out and away from the town. But
he could not dismiss Monica from his mind and rode dangerously fast, back to his
Apartment.

She was not there – no one was – and without any hope left, he returned to Jake’s house,
intent only on intoxicating himself at best by sharing Jake’s prodigious supply of beer or at
worst by patronizing the nearby Inn.

But she was there, waiting as he had waited, sitting on the wall, and he stopped, stood his
bike on its stand and removed his helmet while she stood and smiled. He wanted to rush
toward her and embrace and kiss her, but he forced himself not to, hoping she would come
to him as a gesture of her feelings.

She did not, so he said, “I was right, then, about your message.”

“I thought you’d understand!”

“Lianna?”

“Yes.” She reached behind the wall where she had hidden the attaché case, and opened it
for him to see.

“Quite a lot there.”

“Nine thousand, nine hundred and eighty pounds, exactly.” She closed the case, and with a
slow precision rested it against the wall.

He needed no more gestures and embraced her. She was relieved, and began to cry, but
soon stopped herself.

“Another bike?” She asked, embarrassed by her own show of feelings.

“Yes!” he said and went to stand beside it. “Do you like it?” He ran his hand over the seat.
“I’ve just bought it.”

“It is rather nice,” she said approvingly as she came to stand beside him and hold his hand.
“Where shall we go?” She laughed. “We are not exactly short of money!”

“Monica?”

“Yes?” she said, trembling a little.

“I’ll have to give it back.”

“But you’ve only just bought it!” she joked.

“You know what I mean.”

“I know. I thought you’d say that.” Then, smiling again, she added, “A pity though! I’ve often
wondered what I’d do if I had some money.” She went to collect the case. “Here you are!”

He took it from her, and she sighed. “And I suppose,” she said, “you’re still going to follow
what’s-his-name?”

“Yes.”

“Also as I expected.”

She smiled at him, and he embraced her again, saying,”I’m glad you’re back.”

She began to cry again, then pulled away from him to laugh and point to her face. “Looks
much better now, doesn’t it?”

“You look beautiful.”

“I see you brought my helmet. Shall we go and return the gift?”

“Actually, I would rather you stayed with a friend of mine – here, in this house. At least for a
few days.”

“Not likely! Where you go – I go. Anyway, I want to see the look on her face when you hand
back the money.

“But – “

She repossessed the case. “I’ll hold onto that while you drive. Unless you want me to!”

“Come here,” he said gently.

“Yes, Master!” she playfully mocked, “I hear and obey!”

He held her hand. “I’d rather you were safe, here.”

‘What? And miss all the fun? Not likely! Come on!” she sat on the pillion

seat of the motorcycle, put on her helmet, held onto the case with one hand and waited.

Thorold shook his head, sighed, and then put on his own helmet. Clouds began to cover the
whole of the sky, blotting out the sun, and as they arrived at the driveway of Lianna’s house,
rain had begun to fall. They stood together outside the door, helmets in hand, and waited for
an answer to Thorold’s insistent knocking.

“I hope she is not going to spoil things by being out.”

Thorold was about to answer when Lianna opened the door. She betrayed surprise at
seeing Monica, but only for an instant.

“I expected you,” she said to Thorold, “but alone.”

“You can have this back!” Monica held the case out.

“So? You ignore my offer?” Lianna said to Monica.

Monica smiled at her. “I changed trains at Wellington.”

“I see I shall have to make that telephone call.”

“Go ahead! Monica shouted as Thorold stood watching. “Do your worst! Do you think I
care? But I’ll tell you one thing – if you do. I’ll kill you. A few years to wait – maybe. But one
day I’ll be there!” She was staring at Lianna her eyes full of passion. “You will never be safe
and none of your magick will protect you!”

“I – “ Thorold started to say, but both of them ignored him.

“You’ll have to kill me,” Monica continued, “to stop me! Or have me killed – that’s more your
style! So here, take your money before I start stuffing it somewhere very uncomfortable for
you!” She threw the case down at Lianna’s feet.

Lianna turned to smile at Thorold. “Such a common woman, don’t you think?”

“I’ll show you how common I am! Monica said before punching Lianna on the chin. The blow
knocked Lianna over and Monica did not wait for her to recover.

“Just a taste!” she said before kicking the case into the hallway where Lianna lay prostrate.

“You coming?” she demanded of Thorold, and a somewhat startled Thorold followed her
down the steps to his transport.

Suddenly, a shaft of sunlight bathed the scene in brightness and warmth.

 XVI

Thirteen people were present – a number that pleased Mallam – and he mingled with his
guest in subdued light of the room while loud music played and could be heard throughout
the house. Rhiston, alone among all the people, sat by himself.

The owner of the house was a widowed woman in whom Mallam had once shown an
interest. But she soon bored him, as he found most women did – although not before he
induced her into his sect where she prospered, finding younger men to her liking and often
only too eager to physically please her while their interest, hers, and her monetary gifts,
lasted.

There would be no ritual following the gathering, for several of the guests were new and
unblooded. The party was a ruse – to arouse their interest, offering as it did drugs to those
who wished them as well as the sexual services of members of Mallam’s sect. Mallam’s own
interest centred on Rhiston’s wife and Rhiston knew it and like a child sulked in his corner.
Mallam found this amusing, considering Rhiston’s proclivities, and soon directed a lady
member of about Rhiston’s age to seduce him. Rhiston did not resist the woman’s charm.

“Come on Maurice,” she said, “let’s go and make love.”

Mallam was slightly more subtle in his approach to Jane. She had been watching him since
she had arrived to be greeted by his seemingly friendly kiss, and when she saw her
husband leave with the woman, he went to her.

“I hope you don’t think I’ve been ignoring you,” he said.

“No, honestly.”

He smiled at her. “Another drink? Or would you like to go somewhere quieter – where we
can talk?”

She was hesitant, so he said, “You know why I invited you, don’t you?”

“Another drink would be fine!”

“I find you very attractive, Jane – as you must have guessed.”

“Maurice – “

“You’ve never been to a party like this before, have you?”

“No,” she answered softly.

“You’re not offended though?”

“No.” she whispered.

He kissed her and at first she did not respond, and when she did, half-regretful and half-
thrilled, he led her out of the room and upstairs.

Twilight had begun outside when he left her in one of the many bedrooms of the house.
Rhiston was asleep alone in another room, still tied to the bed as the woman had left him.
Mallam freed him and gave him his clothes.

“I’ll wait for you outside in the car,” he said.

Downstairs, the music still played loudly, now mingled with sporadic laughter.

They arrived in Stredbow as the last vestiges of twilight gave way to a sky clear of cloud and
full of stars, and Mallam parked his vehicle by the mound, some distance from the house
and the small stone building where his real interest lay.

“Now,” he said, “to action. We’ll walk to a house and I want you to use this – “ He gave him
a Police Warrant Card. “You are investigating the escape of a dangerous criminal who has
been spotted in the area – making a routine check. There will be a man and a woman in the
house. Just keep them talking – local gossip, sightings of strangers and so on. Use your
own work experience,” he smiled. “Alright?”
“Yes. Is that all?” a relieved Rhiston said.

“What did you expect? I’ll be fifteen minutes – no longer than half an hour though.” He
reached over to the back seat of the car where a torch and a pair of bolt-croppers lay. “I’ll
meet you back here.”

They walked in silence to the gate of the house where Mallam waited while Rhiston went to
ring the doorbell. Swiftly then, Mallam crept toward the stone building. The padlock was
easy to cut through and he was soon inside. His torch showed a bare room. It smelled of
burned wood and he was creeping along the walls, inspecting them for hidden recesses or
loose stones when the thick oak door was closed behind him. He tried to force it open, but
without success.

Outside, Sidnal Wyke secured the door with a new padlock before calmly walking back to
his cottage.

Rhiston did as he had been told, and it was half an hour later when he left the house to
return to the car. For hours he waited by, then near, the car – sitting on the mound under a
tree, leaning against the stonewall that supported most of the mound among its
circumference, or crouching. Twice villagers came near, and he hid himself by the trees.

It was after midnight when he made his decision and left to look again at the house. But it
was quiet, and he walked along the lanes he knew would take him to the main road miles
away and thence along and down to the township of Stretton.

With the departure of Rhiston, preparations for the celebration in the village began.

XVII

It was a long time before Mallam ceased his shouting and banging his fists against the door.
His voice had echoed in the empty stillness and, tired and confused, he slumped against the
wall.
The building was windowless and without sound, and he was soon restless. For hours he
checked the walls, the stones of the floor, the door itself by the light of his torch. But nothing
moved. He could see a narrow slit in the wall far above his head, but could not reach it. He
tried to sleep, but the floor was cold and as soon as he closed his eyes he thought he could
hear someone behind the door. Each time he leapt up and listened, but could hear nothing.

The torchlight began to fade. Its dim glow lasted a while, and then was gone to leave
Mallam in darkness. He had never before experienced such blackness and several times
tried to see his hands in front of his eyes. But he could not see them. He crawled along
beside the walls until he reached the door by touch, but no one came in answer to his
shouting or in response to the banging of his fists against the studded oak, and he lay in the
darkness listening to the roaring silence.

Sleep came, and when he awoke he could not see the time by his expensive watch. His
waiting passed slowly and he began to feel hungry and thirsty. He shouted, and nothing
happened. He began to curse all the people he knew and had known and then the whole
world, and his voice grew hoarse and he himself, more thirsty. He prayed fervently to his
Prince many times, saying: ‘My Prince and Master, help me! Free me and I shall do terrible
deeds in your name!’

He stared into the darkness trying to imagine where he had seen the slit in the wall, but no
light, not even a glimmer of light, came to relieve his darkness. He began to imagine he
heard sounds – people laughing and talking, then strange music. But the more he listened,
the more he began to believe he was mistaken.

He slept again, only to awake in terror because he had forgotten where he was and could
not see. He crawled over the floor, along the walls – sat and listened and strained to see.
He stood up but became disoriented and dizzy and fell against the door, injuring his arm. He
shouted, beat his fists again against the door, but nothing changed except inside his head.
His hunger and thirst became intense for what seemed to him a long time until his
increasing fear made him forget them.

To calm his fears he lay with his back against a wall, trying to understand why and for what
purpose he was being kept a prisoner. At first he had believed that some mischance had
imprisoned him – a gust of wind, perhaps, which jammed the door – but he had become
gradually aware that is was not chance that brought him to the village and the building
which had become his prison. Somehow, he felt, Lianna must have planned it all, and as the
hours of his captivity became countless because he could not measure their passing, he
came to increasingly believe that she might be testing him. Vaguely, he remembered – his
memory brought back by his desperation for hope – her once saying when first he had
asked to become her pupil, that those who sought Adeptship underwent severe ordeals;
ordeals not of their own choosing and about which they were never forewarned.

This is a test of hers, he believed, briefly smiling – she is testing my will. And this belief
sustained him, for he believed in the power and strength of his will. But his hunger, thirst,
the darkness around him and the darkness within him eventually broke this explanation. For
she had never followed his own path as at first he had ardently believed. The weeks and the
months of her teaching had extinguished his hope – she was no dark, evil, mistress with
whom he might forge a physical and magickal alliance. So he had gradually turned away
from her, seeking again his old ways, friends, helpers and slaves, understanding that she
had been using him, playing with him almost. And this deeply offended his pride. For he,
Edgar Mallam – High Priest of the Temple of the Prince – was above them all.

He had thought then that she had used him as he had used others – for her pleasure and
satisfaction. She was playing the role of mistress, with him as her pupil – and this made him
despise her more, for his own pleasures were carnal and real. He lusted after women, and
money – enjoyed the power he had over others, making them his slaves; he enjoyed the
misfortunes of others, the taking of young girls. But she simply played her mind-games from
the safety and comfort of her house. Her power, he had thought, was nothing compared to
his own.

His remembrance of this thinking from his past comforted him, and he began to laugh. But
then his laughing stopped. He thought he could hear someone else laughing and when he
stopped and unconsciously stooped to listen, he imagined he could hear a woman’s
laughing voice.

Then there seemed to be a voice inside his head. “Remember The Giving from the Black
Book of Satan!” it said and laughed again.

Mallam remembered.

The Book, which Lianna had given him, spoke of an ancient blood ceremony performed only
once every 51 years. The sacrifice was always male, an Initiated Priest, and before his
blood was offered he was kept for days in a darkened room wherein to draw magickal
forces to himself…

He tried to convince himself otherwise. But he heard “Remember The Giving…” in his head
again, like an echo.
“I won’t be fooled by you!” he shouted aloud. “Do you hear me Lianna!” He shook his fist at
the darkness. “You can’t fool me! I know that you are testing me! You’ll see – I’m strong!
Stronger than you!”

He laughed, to convince himself. But the suspicion remained.

“Must not fall asleep!” he muttered aloud. “She’ll try and get me when I’m asleep. I’ll beat
her! Me – her sacrifice? Hah! She’ll be mine!” He began to visualize in lurid detail how he
might sacrifice her – tying her naked to the altar in his house, ravishing her, the letting
others have their fun. He would kill her slowly, very slowly. These thought pleased and
fascinated him, and he was still thinking them – visualizing them in detail – when he fell full
asleep.

His dream was vivid – the most vivid dream of his life. He was surrounded by spiders; they
were crawling all over him, biting him and filling him with their poison. He could not move,
trapped in webs, and a large spider was crawling over his chest toward his face. But it was
Monica, a spider again, Monica smiling with blood on her teeth and mouth and he awoke to
thrust the imaginary spiders away with his hands as he writhed in panic on the floor.

XVIII

The evening and the night that had marked Mallam’s party passed swiftly for Thorold and
Monica.

“I don’t think she will bother us again,” a confident Monica said as they sat in his Apartment
on their return from visiting Lianna.

“You amaze me.” Thorold said. “Would you like some tea?” he asked.

“I know what I would like!”

Thorold’s surprise turned quickly into delight. “I’ll just have a quick bath,” he said.
“No, don’t. Perhaps I shouldn’t give all my secrets away, but the natural smell of a man –
well, some men! – turns me on.”

Thorold blushed. In that moment, Monica reversed their roles – standing to take his hand
and lead him to his bedroom. She was gentle at first, then passionate and after hours of
mutual bliss they lay with their bodies touching, sleep-inclined but pleased. Several times
she started to speak – to try and form into words the feeling within her. But each time she
stopped, afraid of herself and her future.

The recent years of her past had been years full of new experiences and through them all
she had kept her cynicism. Only Mallam had disturbed her, for he seemed to fulfill, at least
in some measure, her expectations: a man of mystery, arrogant and self-assured. But she
had discovered the real Mallam was selfish, cruel and somewhat vain.

Her defences had been and were still being broken by recent events, and of all of them she
felt her friendship with Thorold was the most significant. For as Lianna offered her the
money, she knew she was in love with Thorold. She wanted to tell him, but felt constrained
by her own doubts and fears, and as she lay beside him she realized for the first time in her
life that she needed to be loved.

They awoke together at dawn. She had expected his suggestion and so was not surprised
when he mentioned following Mallam. She did not want his quest to continue, but said
nothing. She sensed Thorold wanted somehow to avenge her beating as he sensed his
disgust and outrage at Mallam’s paedophile activities.

Thus is was that less than an hour later they rode together on the motorbike to wait near
Mallam’s house.

“We’ll try the other chap,” Thorold said after an almost interminable time.

They waited again, outside Rhiston’s home, and then followed him to his place of work.
Several times during the day they returned to find his car was still in place outside the
building, and several times they returned to Mallam’s house, without success.

Dark cloud covered the sky promising rain, but they sat for nearly and hour by the river,
refreshing themselves with food and drink, before lying beside each other in the grass in the
peace of Quarry Park. She spoke to him, as their hands and lips touched and desire
became aroused, of her bleak childhood without love, but still she could not say the words
she wished. She spoke instead with her body and they made passionate love in the long
grass near the river’s edge while people ambled or fastly walked along the path above.

By three o’clock in the afternoon they had returned to wait for Rhiston. He spent a few hours
at his home then journeyed to Mallam’s house and then to a house nearby to briefly speak
to the woman who answered his knocking upon her door. And thence he led Thorold and
his lover to Stredbow village.

Mallam’s car was still where he had left it the night before, and in the twilight Rhiston
checked it before walking toward the black and white house. Thorold saw him stop by the
gate, turn and listen, and then enter the garden to creep toward the stone building. Rhiston
listened again, tried the door, then noticed the broken padlock and the bolt-croppers
discarded on the ground. He tried to cut the padlock several times before finally succeeding
and Thorold watched in surprise as Mallam crawled from the building.

He blubbered something that Thorold could not hear before Rhiston assisted him to his feet.
Then Mallam was running fast away from the house, his face contorted, his eyes staring, his
clothes dirty and torn. He reached the car, fumbled in his pockets for his keys and shouted
several times at Rhiston. Rhiston ran to the car, panting and exhausted, and Mallam pushed
him inside before driving them both away.

They were not far from the village when Mallam slewed the car in the lane, using the
driveway of a farm, to drive straight toward Thorold whose motorbike light he had seen in
the rearview mirror. Thorold reacted as best he could, braking and steering away, but the
front of the car clipped the side of the bike causing him to lose control. His front wheel hit
the curb and he was e HeHe in the air, briefly, to land dazed in the hedge by the verge.

He sat up to see the car reverse over Monica as she lay still in the road. He ran toward her,
but she was dead.

Carefully, and almost crying, Thorold carried the body to the verge. His motorcycle was
undamaged apart from scratches and a few dents, and he collected several stones from
beside the road before riding with fury after the car. He soon caught it and sped past to turn,
skidding, and race back, throwing a stone at the windscreen of the car.

He did not hear the screech of brakes – or see the car swerve and weave across the road
as the driver’s vision became obstructed by the suddenly frosted glass. But he did see, as
he turned, the car crash and come to rest on its side. Mallam was dazed, his face bleeding,
while Rhiston was unconscious. Thorold dragged Mallam from the car, banged his head
against the underside and threw him onto the verge, and he was walking toward where
Monica’s murderer lay when the car suddenly exploded, searing the air with heat and light
and throwing him to the ground.

Instantly, he regretted saving Mallam’s life, and as he stood up to edge away from the
burning, he felt an urge to throw Mallam onto Rhiston’s funeral pyre. Mallam began to
moan, and Thorold was considering what to do when, in the light of the flames, he saw
people approaching.

Thorold recognized the young man leading them. He was Sidnal Wyke, seller of Lianna’s
books, and Thorold made no move to stop them as they carried Mallam away from the
burning and back to the darkness that covered the lane to their village.

Many miles away, in a room of her house, Lianna smiled as she burned her square of
inscribed magickal parchment in the flame of a black candle.

XIX

They had not spoken to Thorold and he had not spoken to them, and he watched them -
numb with shock from Monica’s death - depart, carrying Mallam. His rage had gone and he
stood near the now slow burning car for several minutes before riding to the nearby farm.

To his surprise, the Police did not take long to arrive, and the Policeman found him waiting
beside his bike near Monica’s body.

“My girlfriend.” Thorold explained. “The car – just came straight toward me.”

He explained about the crash, the car reversing, and his moving the body. “There was
nothing I could do. Then I heard a crash and an explosion and went to see.”

The young but kindly Policeman smiled. “We’ll need a statement. No need now – tomorrow.”

Thorold gave his name and address, heard a Fire Engine approach, watched an Ambulance
arrive and take Monica’s body away. He did not quite know why he did not speak about
Mallam, but he did not, but as he drove slowly away from the scene to take the roads that
led to Shrewsbury, he began to regret his lie. He stopped once, to turn back and tell the full
story, but it was not his courage that failed. Rather, he began to sense he was involved in
something of great and sinister import, and although he did not have all the answers – or
indeed perhaps not even the right questions – he would find them. He did not, at this
moment, know how, but Monica’s death gave him the desire to succeed.

Jake was at home with his wife as Thorold had hoped, and he sat with them, drinking beer
while the television relayed some film.

“Want to talk about it?” Jake asked.

“No.”

But Jake was not offended, and offered him more beer. Gradually, Thorold drank himself
into a forgetful stupor to slither from his chair to the floor where he fell asleep.

He awoke to find himself alone in the house and obviously carried by Jake to a bed. He
soon dressed and left to drive in the light rain to Lianna’s home.

“I have been waiting for you,” she said as she led him inside. “I am sorry for what
happened.”

“You know?” he asked without surprise.

“One gets to hear these things.”

“You know why I have come then?”

“Yes.” She took him to her living room. A copy of The Black Book of Satan, bound in black
leather, lay on a table, but its title did not interest Thorold.

“I have to make a statement to the Police,” he said.

“You met Constable Tong, I believe.”

Thorold was not familiar with the name, but he made the obvious deduction.

“Such a bright young man,” she continued. “A cousin of Mr. Wyke – whom of course you
have met.”

“I see,” said Thorold, uneasy.

“I thought you would.”

“What will you do with him?”

“With whom?” she teased.

“Edgar Mallam.”

“Does it matter?”

“It might.”

“To you?”

“I might want to see justice done. He killed Monica!”

“What is justice?” she mocked.

“He killed her!”

“An accident. A body burned beyond recognition,” she shrugged.

“I should have left him to die in the explosion!”

“You had no choice.”

“What?’ he asked perplexed.

She ignored the subject. “Come, do not let us argue. Remember how it was between us.”

Her smile, her eyes seemed to be affecting him and he became aware again of how
beautiful she was. He remembered the ecstasy and passion he had shared with her – the
soft sensuous beauty of her naked body; her intoxicating and seductive bodily fragrance.
She was moving toward him with her mouth open, her lips waiting to be kissed.

But something inside him made him suddenly aware of her witchery, and he forced himself
to think of Monica – her body, bloody and broken, on the road. His remembrance of her
death and her face in death broke Lianna’s spell.

“I must go,” he said, turning away from her eyes.

“As you wish!”

Her words seemed to end the tension he felt in his neck and shoulders, but he still avoided
looking at her.

“Remember,” she said as if chanting, “I want to share my life with yours.”

Even as he left he felt an urge to return and surrender to her seductive beauty, be he rode
away down to the river where he sat for hours in the first nascent and then fulsome sun
thinking about Monica, Mallam, Lianna and the events that bound them, and he himself,
together.

He was disturbed by this thinking and tried to relax by returning to the secure reality of his
bookshop. He wandered around the shelves, seated himself at his desk, and opened the
mail that had begun to accumulate. But the longer he stayed in the musty shop, the more he
felt that the world of books in which had been his world for years, was a dead one. Its charm
had gone. Monica had been real – exciting and full of promise for his future: his surveillance
had been exciting, reminding him of the years before his marriage. Lianna herself had been
real – warmly alive, as the books around him were not. He could give his statement to the
Police, forget about Mallam and Lianna – forget about them all – and live again within his
cloistral world of books. Except he did not want to.

The door to his shop opened.

“You are open?” asked the elderly man who entered.

“No, not at the moment.” Thorold was annoyed at being disturbed.

“Oh, dear! And I did so want to look around. I called yesterday.”

“Didn’t you see the note?” asked Thorold, pointing to it on the door.

The man bent down to peer, took some spectacles from the pocket of his tweed jacket and
squinted. “My! How silly of me!” He turned to smile at Thorold. “But you are here now.”

The man was short and rotund with red cheeks and thinning white hair. His manner of dress
was conservative and he carried a rolled up umbrella.

Thorold relented. “You can have a look if you wish. But I will be closing again soon.”

“You were recommended to me.”

“Oh, yes?” Thorold said without interest. He was still thinking of Lianna.

“Perhaps recommended is not the right word. May I sit down? My legs are not what they
were.”

Surprised at the request, Thorold offered him his own chair.

“Most kind! Let me introduce myself.” He held out his hand. “Aiden is the name.”
Thorold shook his hand.

“I shall be brief,” Aidan said. “You spoke to a friend of mine some days ago about a certain
matter.” He smiled at a perplexed Thorold. “The Devil,” he said calmly.

“Just curiosity.”

“I know a little about such things.”

“Academic interest, that’s all. Someone wanted to sell me some books on the subject.”

“You have these books?”

“No, actually.” Then, thinking quickly, he added, “I threw them out.” He pointed to a bundle
of books tied by string, which lay on the floor. “I haven’t got the room. Have to be very
selective.”

“For over forty years I have studied the subject. Meeting people. Often those who have
been involved. One develops an instinct.” He smiled again. “Rather like a Detective.
Although in my own case, an ecclesiastical one.”

“You must excuse me – I really ought to close the shop.”

“You have the scent of Satan about you,” the old man said in a quiet voice.

“Say again?” Thorold was startled.

“A figure of speech. Those who practice the Occult Arts believe there is an aura
surrounding the body. It is said Initiation, particularly into the darker mysteries alters that
aura, most noticeably between the eyes. You must forgive me if I speak frankly.”

“You are welcome to have a quick look around the shelves for any books that might interest
you.”

“You interest me.”

“You must excuse me – I have a busy day.”

“Are you afraid of someone?”

Thorold was insulted. “Of course not!”

“I came only to help.”

“Why?” Thorold was becoming a little angry.

Gently, the man said, “Because I am concerned about the growth of evil.”

“What is evil?” He realized he was echoing Lianna’s parody and added, “I sell books, that is
all.”

Aiden sighed. “I can only help if you want me to. You know where I will be staying if you
wish to contact me.”

“The Cathedral?”

“Yes. Sometimes it is better to ask for help than to try to solve things alone.”

“Are you staying long?”

“A few days.”

“I hope you enjoy your stay. Goodbye.”

Aiden pointed to the motorcycle, which Thorold had parked outside. “Yours?”

“No, I always dress like this,” Thorold quipped.

Aiden did not mind the jest. “So different now, such machines. Once – a very long time ago
before I accepted my vocation within the Church – I rode. An Enfield – at least, that is what I
think it was called. So long ago. Fast?”

“Very. Zero to sixty miles per hour in less than six seconds.”

“A different world, now. Such memories. I shall pray for you.”

“Goodbye.”

“Adieu!”

Thorold had declined the man’s gambit to prolong their conversation, and he watched Aidan
walk slowly up the narrow lane that led to St. Chad’s church and the gates of Quarry Park.
He did not regret his decision not to share his secrets, and as soon as Aidan was out of
sight, he closed the shop and rode down into the traffic that was congesting the roads
through the town.

The street, which contained Mallam’s house, seemed quiet, and he parked his bike nearby
to walk the last hundred yards. To his surprise he found the door slightly ajar, and cautiously
entered. A faint perfume lingered, reminding him of Lianna, but he quickly forgot about it as
he slowly moved from room to room. The rooms were untidy and he was making his way
upstairs when he heard someone moving about.

“Hello!” he called.

No one answered, and he crept into a bedroom. Someone touched his shoulder and he
raised his hands, saying, “it’s a fair cop!” before suddenly turning around and smiling.

His quick movement startled the woman, and Thorold recognized her as Rhiston’s wife.
“Can I help?” he asked cunningly.

“You haven’t seen Maurice, have you?” she asked hopefully.

“No,” he lied. “Not recently. He gave you this address?”

She stared down at the floor. “Edgar did.”

Thorold drew the correct conclusion. “Been waiting here long?”

“I’ve just arrived.”

“You’ve got a key, then?”

“The door was open.”

“You checked the other rooms?”

“Not yet.”

“Come on, then.”

All of them, at least to Thorold’s once practised eye, bore evidence of a quick but thorough
search.

“You don’t know where Maurice is?” she asked.

“Afraid not. You know Edgar,” he smiled. “Likes to be a man of mystery. They’ve probably
gone somewhere together.” He had no qualms about lying to her since he assumed, from
her involvement with Mallam, that she knew at least something about his activities. “Do you
want to wait here?” he asked her.

“I’d better be going. If you see him – “

“I’ll tell him you called.”

“Thank you.”

He walked with her down the stairs. She turned to smile weakly at him before she left, and
he felt sad. But he did not follow her to tell her about the fate of her husband. Instead, he
sighed, remembered Monica’s death, and began to search the house, after locking the door.
He found nothing of interest and nothing to incriminate Mallam – only a large collection of
pornographic magazines, some leather whips and some manacles and chains. No
photographs of his activities, no letters, documents, and nothing to indicate his interest in
the Occult or the names and addresses of his varying contacts. He was disappointed, but
not surprised, and left the house wondering what he could do next. Mallam was gone,
Rhiston was dead, he had no names and addresses, no factual evidence concerning
Mallam’s activities. Then he remembered the woman that Rhiston had briefly visited.

She answered his knock on her door wearing a nightdress and squinting into the brightness
outside.

“Yes?”

“I am a friend of Edgar.”

“Do come in! Please excuse the mess. A social occasion – last night – you know how they
drag on and on.”

“You came highly recommended,” he said, guessing.

“Really?” Pleased, she thought he looked promising, although somewhat older than she
had come to expect. “Would you like something to drink? Beer, perhaps?”

“Tea?”

“Darjeeling, if you have some.”

“You don’t look like a tea drinker to me.”

“It’s the leathers! Often gives the wrong idea.”

“You must be warm in that black leather.” She breathed out the last words as though black
leather interested her.

“It has its uses.”

“I’m sure! Do you ride often?” she asked mischievously.

“As the mood takes me.”

“Does it take you now?”

“Possibly.” After such a promising beginning he was at a loss as to how to continue, except
the obvious course. But he was not disposed to take this, despite the attractiveness of the
lady whom he guessed was at least fifteen years older than him. He began to feel
embarrassed by the role he was creating for himself as well as surprised by his burgeoning
desires. She was standing near him, her nightdress almost transparent and he could see
her nipples and dark mass of pubic hair. He forced himself to remember the reason for his
visit.

“Have you known Edgar long?” he asked.

“Long enough! Have you brought anything from him?”

As she said the words he saw the needle marks on her arms. The sight decided him.

“I’ve just remembered it!” he said, and dashed out of the house.

He did not seem to consciously decide, but just arrived at the road to Lianna’s house, and
he did not have long to wait in her driveway. Attracted by the noise of the motorcycle, she
came out to greet him.
“I must know,” he said as he removed his helmet and she stood, smiling and beautiful, in
the sunlight. “About Mallam.”

“It is good that you come of your own free will.”

By the side of the house, Thorold could see Imlach turn around and walk back into the
garden.

XX

The house was cool, and Thorold and Lianna sat in the Drawing Room overlooking the rear
garden. She brought him iced tea before sitting beside him.

“What will happen to him?”

“Do you care?”

“Not in that way.”

“But you want revenge?”

“Possibly. I don’t know.”

“And if you were given the opportunity to dispense justice by taking his life, would you?”

“It’s not up to me. There is the law.”

“The Law! Hah! The Law is an accumulation of tireless attempts to prevent the gifted from
making their lives a succession of ecstasies!” Her passion was soon gone, and she smiled
kindly at Thorold. “I’m glad you came to see me again.”
Thorold returned her smile. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“About Edgar?”

“Yes. I do have my suspicions.”

“Do you?”

“It seems to me you planned things.”

“I will not deny – to you - that I planned some things. But I will tell you something. I planned
things, yes – but I did not plan to fall in love with you.”

For several minutes Thorold could not speak. He watched her, and she began to cry, gently,
until tears ran down her cheeks.

“I have never said that to anyone before,” she said, softly.

Thorold did not know what to do. He thought, vaguely and not for very long, that she might
in some way be trying to manipulate his feelings, but the more he looked at her and the
more he remembered the ecstasy they had shared in the past, the more his doubts began
to disappear. She had turned her face away, to wipe the tears with her hand when he
reached over to stroke her hair.

“Don’t cry,” he said.

“I’m sorry.” She held his hand. “See what you do to me! I can’t remember the last time I
cried!”

“You are a strange woman.”

“If I ask you something will you give me an honest answer?”

“Possibly.”

“Were you in love with Monica?”

The question surprised him. “I don’t know,” he said hesitantly. “I don’t think so.” He felt he
had betrayed her.

“Good. I was a little jealous.”

“The thought occurred to me.”

“But I’m sorry about what happened – with her, I mean.”

“So am I,” His sense of having betrayed Monica began to fade. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“I’ve missed you.” She moved toward him and kissed his lips.

The kiss, her perfume, the feel of her body pressing against his, overpowered his senses
and he began to return her passion.

“Not here!” she said.

She held his hand as they walked from the room, and along the hall to a door. The door led
down some steps into a dimly lit chamber. A dark, soft carpet covered the floor and she took
him to an alcove where cushions were strewn, drawing him down with her. Her passion
seemed to draw from Thorold all the darker memories of the past days and he abandoned
himself to his lusts, remembering the tears and her words of love. Her hands gripped his
shoulders and as her own passion became intense her nails sank into his flesh, drawing
blood. But he did not care, as her body spasmed in ecstasy, followed by his own.

They relaxed then, in the gently bliss that followed.

“I want you,” she whispered, “with me always. Will you do something for me?”
“Yes,” he answered without hesitation.

“Whatever it is?”

“Yes.” His hands stroked her breasts. “You are beautiful.”

“I am all yours – now.”

“What did you want me to do?”

“Live with me.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously!” She kissed him. “I love you.” She sat up to lean against a cushion. “Tomorrow
night there is a celebration in the village that I would like you to attend – with me.”

“Your village?”

She laughed. “I suppose it is!”

Thorold sat up to rest beside her against the stone wall and as he did so he noticed in a far
corner, a statue. Beside it hung a lighted candle shielded by red glass. The light reminded
him a the sanctuary lamp in a Catholic Church, but the statue showed a woman, naked from
the waist up, who held in her outstretched hand the severed head of a bearded man. The
woman was smiling.

“What’s that?” Thorold asked, pointing with his finger.

“The violent goddess – Mistress of Earth. The was a time when men were sacrificed in her
name, and the Priestess of her cult would wash her hands in the victim’s blood before taking
it to sprinkle on the fields. It ensured the fertility of the land – and the people.”
Thorold understood – or felt he did. He looked around the chamber. It was bare, except for
one wall where a battered medieval shield, sword and armour hung.

“And those?” he asked.

“Family heirlooms. They were supposed to belong to an ancestor of mine – Roger de

Alledone. There is a book in the library about the family – if you’re interested.”

“Yes. Does your son visit you often?”

“My son?” she asked, surprised. Then, remembering, “I have no children – yet.”

“But I remember you saying when you came to my shop – “

“A fabrication – to meet you. Am I forgiven?”

He vaguely remembered something else she had said, but could not form the vague
remembrance into a distinct recollection of words, so he dismissed it. “Of course!” he said.

“Will you stay tonight?” she asked.

“Do you want me to?”

“You know I do.”

“I would have to collect a few things.”

“Naturally. Do you have a suit?” She looked at his motorcycle clothing discarded in haste.

“Yes, why?”

“I thought we could go to a rather nice restaurant I know. For dinner, tonight. And then
come back here.”
Totally captivated by her, totally under her spell, Thorold simply said, “That would be nice.”

They embraced before he rose to dress. She watched him, before dressing herself. In the
hallway, she kissed him saying, “Don’t be long, my darling!” He was almost to the door when
she added, “I love you!”

It was a dazed almost hypnotized Thorold who sat outside astride his bike. Then he rode
slowly out of the driveway only to be confronted by Imlach’s daughter who waved him to a
halt.

“Listen!” she said, fearfully glancing around. “I must talk with you.”

He removed his helmet before saying, “What about?”

“I can’t talk here – it’s too dangerous. Please, you’ve got to hear me.”

“But – “

“Please!” she pleaded. “I must talk to you about Lianna!”

“Come on, then!” He indicated the pillion seat, replaced his helmet and drove down the road
to take the lane that led to the toll bridge. He stopped before reaching it.

“Well?” he asked as they both stood beside the bike.

“She killed Monica,” she said.

Thorold’s smile disappeared. Stark realities, and memories of love and death, returned.

XXI
In the hazy sunlight, Thorold stared at the river flowing nearby. Two rowing boats, carrying
their rowdy youthful crews, passed under the bridge.

“That’s ridiculous,” he finally said in answer to Sarah’s accusation. “It was an accident.”

“Was it? She arranged it using her magick.”

“Impossible.” He looked at her, but she did not turn her eyes away from his.

“Believe me, she has powers – sinister powers. She put a death curse on Monica.”

“Nonsense!”

“Is it?”

Thorold became perturbed. He had sensed many things about Lianna – including her
natural charisma. “She wouldn’t – she had no reason.” Even as he spoke the words he
knew a reason existed.

Sarah smiled, out of sympathy. “I saw her inscribing the parchments she uses to work her
spells.”

Thorold still did not completely believe her. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I – we - need your help.”

Thorold sighed, and went to stand on the bridge, leaning against the supports and watching
the water flow below. She followed him.

“For centuries,” Sarah began, “her family has ruled the village. Her father before her. But
she is different – they are all afraid of her. She owns the land, nearly all the houses – the
fields. Without her, they could not survive. But she had followed a different way. I was born
in the village, so I know.
“She is using you, as she uses everyone, including me and my father. There is a ceremony
due – part of an old tradition. She has captivated you – like the dark witch she is.”

The rowing boats had gone, and the river seemed quite peaceful. Sarah continued speaking
while Thorold watched the breeze ripple the surface of the water.

“Her family kept alive for generations the old traditions, the old ways – as did the folk of the
village. But she has meddled in other things. We need your help.”

“Why?”

“Because you are important to her – at least, in what she is planning.”

“And what is that?”

“To use the power of The Giving for herself. I don’t agree with the old ways – and want
them stopped. You must know – or have guessed – what will be involved. The man whom
you saw escape – “

“I did wonder. There is a statue in her house.”

“Yes. So you do understand?”

“I am beginning to.”

“Will you help, then?”

“I don’t know.”

“She will take you to the ceremony – we, you and I, must prevent what she plans.”

“And then?”
“Let him go.”

“I see.”

“I could give you enough evidence.”

“About his activities?”

“Yes. She removed all his files, last night from his house.”

“I did wonder,” Thorold said.

“She has other evidence against him as well. I could get that.”

“What is she to you?”

Sarah sighed. “My mother.”

When Thorold had recovered from his surprise he said, “she told me she had no children.”

“Oh, she doesn’t acknowledge me – not as her heir and all that.”

She smiled at him and Thorold saw the faint resemblance to Lianna that he had seen before
but dismissed.

Sarah laughed. “I am a mistake that she made in her youth!”

“She never said anything to me.”

“She is not exactly proud of me. That’s why she keeps me around in her sight.”
“And you father?” Thorold still found it difficult to believe that she was Lianna’s daughter.

“He is her loyal servant – and servant is the right word!”

“So they are no longer close?”

“Close? They have never been close! She used him - once and for her own ends. He was
and always has been her guardian. She despises him. He is totally in her power.”

Thorold felt relieved, but he soon suppressed the feeling. “You will be present tomorrow
night at the ceremony?”

“Yes. You will help, then?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I shall have to get back – before I’m missed.” She walked a few paces, and then turned
toward him. “She killed Monica. And when she has finished with you – “ she shrugged, “ –
who knows?”

Thorold did not watch her go. The past few hours, through their intensity and contradiction,
seemed to have drained away his vitality and he rode to his Apartment to sit in the stuffy
interior silence for a long time, without feeling and without thinking about recent events.
When he did think about them, he came first to one conclusion and then another, to finally
change his mind again, and it was without any enthusiasm that he collected clothes suitable
for Lianna’s evening.

She greeted his return with a kiss, and did not seem to him to notice his change of mood.

“I feel very tired this evening,” he said to build his alibi.

She led him upstairs to the bedroom he had slept in before.

“I’ll see you downstairs, in the Sitting Room,” she said smiling, and left him.
He was soon changed, and sat to wait for her in the Sitting Room. It was a long wait, and he
rose to briefly play the Grand Piano.

“You must play for me,” she said as she entered, startling him.

He was momentarily stunned by her beauty and appearance. She wore a brooch of
colourful design, held by a black silk bank around her neck, and her close-fitting dress
emphasized the feminine proportions of her body. It was cut low at the back, exposing her
tanned skin to the waist, its fit so close that Thorold could see she wore nothing underneath.

“What do you think?” she asked unnecessarily, turning in a circle in front of him.

“I think other women will hate you.”

“Good!” she laughed.

Her driving matched her mood, for she drove fast but with skill out of Shrewsbury to take a
circuitous route to the restaurant. Inside, the furnishings were antique, and they were
ushered to a table overlooking the extensive private grounds.

“Such a civilized place, don’t you agree?” Lianna said as Thorold sat amazed by the
selection of food, and the prices, which were shown on the menu.

The tables were set at a discreet distance from each other, some at different levels. No one
else was present – except two waiters and a waitress, discreetly watching them.

“I suppose the prices put people off,” Thorold said as he glanced at the empty chairs.

“We have the place to ourselves tonight.”

Thorold blushed, and stared at the menu.

“Decided what you want yet?” she asked, pleased by his show of innocence.
“Cod, chips, mushy peas and scraps.” He waited for her reaction and when none came, he
said, “You decide.”

She did, and a waiter sidled up to her on her signal to take the order. She chose wine, and
Thorold had drunk two full glasses of her expensive choice when he said, “all we need is an
orchestra.”

“There are speakers secreted among the oak beams to channel background music.”

As if listening to their conversation, the nearby waiter walked gracefully toward their table.
“Would Madam like some music?”

“Do you have any Strauss Waltzes?”

“I shall see!”

A few minutes later the music began as the first course of their meal was served. Thorold
watched Lianna while they ate and talked of inconsequential things – the long spell of hot
weather, the restaurant, his likes and dislikes in music. She did not seem to him to be evil –
just exceptionally beautiful, wealthy woman, born to power and used to it. But he could not
still his doubts. He heard Sarah’s voice in his head accusing her; remembered Lianna’s lie
about having no children; her anger toward Monica. But most of all he remembered
Monica’s death and Mallam being borne away by the people of Lianna’s village.

“Why did you never have any children?” he asked to test her.

She smiled. “My husband. Marriage of convenience, really. Did not want him as the father of
my children.”

“Did you never want any?”

“Apart from now, you mean?” And her eyes sparkled.

“Years ago. As an heir.”

“Together we shall solve this problem!”

“But seriously – “

“Seriously – not until now. I never found the right man, until now. One has to be so careful.”

Thorold had his answer, and he did not like it. “It is a pity,” he said, guarding his feeling,
“that there is not room enough to dance.”

“We could ask them to make room.”

“No – I’d be too embarrassed.”

The evening passed slowly for Thorold. Their conversation returned to the mundane, and he
drank an excessive amount of wine to stifle both his feelings and his thoughts. He
pretended to fall asleep in her car on their return to her house, awaking at their journeys end
to say, “I’m sorry. Drunk too much.”

She smiled indulgently, and did not seem to mind when her kiss, as they stood in his
bedroom, was not returned.

“We have the rest of our lives together!” she laughed in reply to his apology for his tiredness.

“I shall be leaving early in the morning. To prepare for our little ceremony. Meet me outside
the village mound at ten in the evening. Can you remember that?” she asked playfully.

He slumped onto the bed, playing his role. “Of course.”

“No curiosity?” she asked.

“’Bout what?” he slurred his words.

“The ceremony?”
“Too tired to be curious. Anyway – trust you.”

She looked directly into his eyes and for an instant he felt she knew about his pretence and
the reasons for it. But she kissed him, and the moment was gone, making him sure he had
been mistaken, for she touched his face gently with her hand, saying, “sleep well my
darling!” to leave him alone in his room.

No sounds reached him and he undressed to sleep naked in the humid night on top of the
bed. He was soon asleep. He did not sleep for long. The weather oppressed, making him
restless and sweaty, and his mind was troubled by thoughts of Monica, Mallam and Lianna’s
lies. Only when dawn came, bringing a slight breeze through his open windows, did
renewed rest come, and he did not hear as Lianna quietly opened the door to watch, for
almost a minute while he slept. She smiled as she closed the door to leave him to his
dreams.

It was late morning when Thorold awoke, tired and thirsty. The house was quiet, and empty,
and he wandered to one of the many bathrooms before dressing. He found Lianna’s note on
the table in the kitchen. “Yours – to keep,” it simply read. Next to it was a key to the front
door of the house.

Half expecting to find Sarah or Imlach, he ventured into the gardens. He found no one, not
even in the buildings where Sarah – a long time ago it seemed to him now – had taken him
to strip away all her clothes. Now, he felt, he understood: angry with her mother, she had
tried to seduce him as an act of revenge.

He spent an hour wandering around the house, occasionally opening a drawer or a

cupboard as if by such openings he might find something to incriminate or explain Lianna.
Even the library held no clues – only books, many of which he would once have been glad
to own or buy for his shop. The door that led to the stone chamber was unlocked, and he
walked down the steps aware that he might be transgressing Lianna’s hospitality. But he
hardened himself against the feeling, remembering Sarah’s story, Monica's death and
Lianna’s lies. Black candles lit the chamber.

The red light by the statue was still burning, and as he approached, he saw a book lying on
the floor. The Black Book of Satan’ the spine read.

The book was open at a chapter entitled ‘A Gift for the Prince’ and he began to read.
 ‘In ceremonial rituals involving sacrifice, the Mistress of Earth usually takes on the
role of violent goddess, the Master of the Temple that of either Lucifer or Satan, the
sacrifice being regarded as a gift to the Prince of Darkness. This gift, however, is
sometimes offered to the dark goddess – the bride of our Prince.

‘Human sacrifice is powerful magick. The ritual death of an individual does two
things: it releases energy (which can be directed – or stored, for example, in a crystal
sphere) and it draws down dark forces or ‘entities’. Such forces may then be used, by
directing them toward a specific goal according to the principles of magick, or they
may be allowed to disperse over the Earth in a natural way, such dispersal altering
what is sometimes known as the ‘astral shell’ around the Earth. This alteration, by the
nature of the sacrifice, is disruptive – that is, it tends toward Chaos. This is simply
another way of saying that sacrifice further the works of Satan…’

He read no more, but carefully replaced the book, leaving the chamber to ascend the stairs
to his room. He felt comfortable again in his motorcycle leathers, gloves and boots, and left
the house without locking the door.

The roads and lanes he took led him to a narrow, old stone bridge over a narrow stream,
and he stopped to sit beside the water under the blue sky while larks sang high above the
fields of ripening wheat. The book had given him final confirmation of his suspicions.

XXII

It was nearing the hour of ten when Thorold arrived in the village, his sealed letter safely in
Jake’s house. His friend would open it and know what to do should he fail to return.

Twilight was ending, and as he parked his bike by the mound, removed his helmet and as
he listened, hearing only the leaves of the trees moving in the breeze, he found it difficult to
believe in magick. The perfume of flowers was strong, reminding him of quiet English
villages full of charm. He had not heard or seen the old tractor that was driven across the
lane, blocking it, after he had passed to take the last turn into the village, as he did not know
the other entrance to the village was similarly obstructed. Neither did he see or hear Lianna
approach until she stood beside him and touched him on the shoulder, startling him, again.
“Come”, she said, “they are waiting.”

She carried a wicker basket but he could not see what was in it. He was surprised when she
lead him toward and into the church.

Inside, a multitude of candles and lanterns had been lit, and he saw the whole village
assembled with Sidnal standing and waiting by the altar. But the altar was covered with fruit,
food and what appeared to be casks of beer, and as he looked around he could see that all
Christian symbols and artefacts had been removed.

The assembly parted as he and Lianna entered.

“Wait here,” she whispered to him before walking by herself toward the altar. Sidnal bowed
slightly as she gave him her basket. It contained envelopes bearing a substantial gift of
money, the same amount in each, and Sidnal took the envelopes one at a time, read the
name written thereon, and waited for the recipient to come forward.

Each villager received an envelope, and Sidnal gave the empty basket to Lianna. She held
it upside down and on this signal a young man and woman came forward. She touched their
foreheads with her hands, saying, “I greet the Lord and Lady!”

They turned, as the assembled villagers did, toward where Thorold stood. The door opened,
and Imlach entered holding a rope whose ends were tied round Mallam’s hands, binding
them.

Lianna addressed the congregation, saying, “You have heard the charges against him. How
say you – is he guilty or not guilty?”

“Guilty! Guilty!” The congregation responded.

“Is that the verdict of you all?”

“Yes!” the voices chorused.

“And his sentence?”

“Burn him! Burn him!”

Mallam looked terrified. Lianna led the exit from the church.

“Come,” she said to Thorold, taking his hand. Imlach led Mallam into the darkness followed
by Lianna, Thorold, Sidnal and the folk of that village.

Sarah waited by the gate to the mound, holding a burning torch. She led the procession
through the village and into the fields where they stopped beside an unlit bonfire. In its
centre was a stake.

“No! No!” Mallam pleaded. “Forgive me! I’ll do anything! Anything!”

Imlach had a long-bladed knife, which he gave to Lianna as Sarah came to stand beside
Thorold while the villagers gathered in a circle round the stake. Thorold felt Sarah’s hand
touching his, then cold metal. He was surprised, but put the revolver in his pocket, and
watched as Lianna approached Mallam.

“Are you ready?” Sarah whispered to him.

Thorold did not answer. Nearby, Lianna cut the rope which bound Mallam.

“Run!” she said to him. “Run!”

For some seconds Mallam did not move, and when he did the waiting villagers moved aside
to let him through. He ran, bent-over, into the high, shielding wheat. No one followed.

“There is she,” Lianna pointed at Sarah, “who has betrayed us.”

Lianna came forward, took the torch from Sarah’s hand and beckoned to two men. They
held Sarah by her arms while Thorold stood with his hand clutching the gun in his pocket.
But he did not move, surprised by Mallam’s freedom, as the two men took Sarah away.
Lianna lit the bonfire with the torch, and on this signal the villagers began to dance around
it, laughing and singing. Two young women came to Thorold, held his arms and ushered
him toward the circle of the dance, and soon he lost sight of Lianna. He danced with them
around the fire, several times trying to break away. But another circle of dancers had formed
around the one containing him, dancing in the opposite direction, and constraining his
movement.

He seemed to dance a long time until he saw Lianna again. She was outside the circle of
dancers and came toward him, took his hand and joined in the dance. The heat of the fire
had become intense, and the dancers moved away, still holding the circles. Wood crackled,
and, among the singing and shouting,

Thorold thought he could hear music accompanying the dance.

“You did not believe her, then?” Lianna asked.

“You knew?”

“Of course!”

“And if I had believed her?” he asked, panting from the exertion of the dance and the heat.

“It would have been a pity to spoil the celebration.”

“And Mallam?”

She smiled. “He has his just reward!”

“Then Sarah is not your daughter?”

“Naturally not! And you have shown the insight I would expect from my future husband.”

Thorold was so surprised he stopped his dancing, and as he did so he could see, by the
light of the fire, blood upon Lianna’s hands and dress.
 XXIII

Thorold had no time to think. The dancing stopped, and he was borne along in the crush
back through the gate of the field toward the village.

Several times he tried to find Lianna but without success. He was approaching the church
when he saw her standing by the door with a young woman. Her hands were clean, her
dress a different one.

“Shall we go and see Sarah?” She said, smiling, when he reached her.

Inside the church, the feasting had begun, and Thorold followed Lianna and the young
woman, unwilling to form his fears and feelings into words. The light from the windows of
the black and white house illuminated the garden, and as they passed through it Thorold
could see, through the open door, fresh straw covering the floor of the stone building that
had been Mallam’s prison.

Sarah sat, her head resting in her hands, by the table in the kitchen, the two men who had
taken her away beside her, with Sidnal standing close by.

“Leave us,” Lianna said, and the two men left. “You have done well,” she said to Sidnal. “I
have a gift for you - as your grandmother I know, would have wished.”

Sidnal shuffled his feet and looked down at the floor as Lianna joined his hand with that of
the young woman who laughed playfully and dragged an unresisting Sidnal away. As they
left the house, Thorold saw Imlach standing by the door.

Sarah looked hopefully at Thorold. “Why didn’t you stop her?”

When Thorold did not answer, she said, “You didn’t believe me, did you?”

“No.”
“But it was true,” she said in desperation. “My father will tell you.”

Imlach turned away.

“Tell him! Damn you, tell him!” she shouted.

Imlach said nothing, and Sarah began to cry. Then, suddenly, she was angry and glowered
at Thorold. “You’re pathetic,” she snarled. “I pity you, I really do! You’re totally in her power!
She’s corrupted you, beshrewed you, and you don’t see it!”

“I know what has gone on,” Lianna said.

“What do you mean?” Sarah demanded, angry – and afraid.

“Between you and your father.”

“No! It’s lies!”

“I have known for a long time,” Lianna said quietly.

“I hate you!”

“So, that’s why you pretended to be her daughter?” Thorold asked.

“Yes!” Sarah was defiant. She stood up, as if to strike Lianna, and as she did so, Imlach
moved toward her. “I knew you loved her!” she said to her father. “That’s why I did what I did
– with you!” She laughed, almost hysterically.

Imlach raised his hand to hit her, but Lianna stopped him.

“Now,” Sarah shouted, “you’ll never know your child!”

Swift, she ran out of the house, too quick for her father to catch her. She was in the stone
building, pushing the door shut, by the time they reacted, and when they reached it she had
set fire to the straw.

She laughed at them as they stood by the door and flames engulfed her. Thorold tried to
reach her, but the flames and heat and smoke were intense and Imlach pulled him back.
Sarah screamed, briefly, and then was silent.

“I shall be at the feast,” Imlach said before walking along the garden path to take the lane to
the church.

“Come on,” Lianna said to Thorold, “there is nothing you can do here.”

She took his hand to lead him back into the house. She brought wine, and they sat at the
table in the kitchen drinking.

“I suppose,” Thorold said, “this is your house as well.”

“Indeed! Shall we live here – rather than in Shrewsbury?”

He ignored the question. “She said that you killed Monica – by cursing her.”

“Do you believe I did?”

For a long time Thorold did not speak. “No,” he finally said. “There was a book I found, in
your house, the evening – “

“The Black Book of Satan?”

“Yes. It mentioned sacrifice.”

Lianna smiled, disconcerting Thorold still further. He realized then the he still loved her. It
had been love that had overcome the doubts Sarah had given him, not reason.
“Tell me about Mallam,” he asked.

“What do you want to know?”

He wanted to ask about what he had seen – the blood on her hands and dress – but it had
been the briefest of glimpses in difficult light, and he could have been mistaken.

“He is free, then?” he asked.

“Yes – at last.”

“And you planned everything?”

“You tell me,” she said enigmatically.

“I think you set him up right from the beginning. Let him make his mistakes. Condemn
himself, in fact.”

“Possibly,” she smiled.

“But why?”

“I’m sure you can work it out.”

It was the answer he had expected. “How does the book I found fit into all this?” It was not
exactly the question he wanted to ask, but it would, he hoped, lead him toward it.

She smiled, as a schoolmistress might toward an otherwise intelligent pupil. “Satanism, you
mean?”

“Yes,” he answered, amazed at her perspicacity.

“It is not the way I follow. My tradition is different – much older.”

“And Mallam?”

“He followed his own dark path.”

“And Monica – surely she did not have to die?”

“No – it was an accident. But he killed her, accidentally or otherwise.”

“The village – how does it fit in?”

“Do you want to marry me – and share all this?” she asked.

Thorold smiled. “I thought I was supposed to ask you?”

”There is an older way.” She paused. “Yes – or no?”

Thorold felt the importance of the moment, heard the beating of his pulse in his ear, saw the
enigmatic beauty of the woman seated beside him, and remembered her physical passion,
her tears and words of love. “Yes,” he said trembling.

She kissed him. “I never really had much choice, did I?” he asked.

“Oh, yes, you had plenty of times to chose.”

For a moment Thorold had the impression that she had planned everything – including
Sarah’s intervention and death – but the impression was transient. He looked at her, and
could not believe it. She was smiling, and he suddenly realized that he would not care if she
had.

“Imlach – what will happen to him?” He asked to test her.

“He will stay with us – should you so wish it.”

He was pleased with her answer. “And if I don’t wish it?”

I believe that Sidnal will need some help with his land. Now,” she said, and stood up, “let’s
go to bed!”

Thorold needed no further encouragement to follow her.

-------

Tired from the physical passion of the night, Thorold was sleeping soundly when Lianna left
the house in the burgeoning light to dawn.

The village was quiet, and she walked past the church and into the fields. The bonfire of the
night before was but a smouldering pile of ash, and she walked past it and through the
wheat along the path Mallam had taken in his flight. Nothing remained by the edge of the
field to mark his passing, except a large patch of discoloured earth, which, she knew, would
soon be gone, and she smiled before returning to her house.

It would be another fifty years before the field would be needed again, and her heir would be
there to carry on the sacred tradition. She was pleased with her choice for the man who
would father her daughter, and, around an oak tree on the mound, she danced a brief dance
in the light of the rising sun.

[Fini]

Appendix

A Brief Note Concerning The Deofel Quartet:

The books in the Deofel Quartet were designed as esoteric Instructional Texts for novices beginning
the quest along the Left Hand Path according to the traditions of the ONA.

As such, their style is not that of a conventional novel. Thus, detailed descriptions – of people,
events, circumstances – are for the most part omitted, with the reader/listener expected to use their
own imagination to create such details.

Their intent was to inform novices of certain esoteric matters in an entertaining and interesting way,
and as such they are particularly suitable for being read aloud. Indeed, one of their original functions
was to be read out to Temple members by the Temple Priest or Priestess.

In addition, each individual book represents particular forms, aspects, and the archetypal energies
associated with particular spheres of the Septenary Tree of Wyrd. Thus, and for example, The Giving
– dealing with “primal Satanism” - relates to the third and fourth spheres, the two alchemical
processes of Coagulation and Putrefaction, and the magickal forms represented by the magickal
words Ecstasy and Vision. [For more details, refer to the ONA MS Introduction to the Deofel
Quartet.]
 The Temple Of Satan

A Symphonic Allegory

Order of Nine Angles

First issued: 102 yf

(This re-issue: [v 1.05] 119 Year of Fayen, Anton Long, ONA)

“Baphomet is a goddess of violent aspect

who washes in the blood of her foes. She
is the bride of Lucifer – a Gate to the Dark
Gods beyond this Earth.

Traditionally, Baphomet is associated with

the magickal grade of Mistress of Earth –
the fifth of the seven stages that mark the
Satanic path. Her daughters are Power,
Vengeance and Lust, but the only Earth –
based living child to be born from these
children is the Demon named Love….
 Herein are truths to set against the lies
and distortions of Elisphas Levi and others."

Book Of Recalling

Prologue

Melanie was a beautiful woman, and she had grown used to using her beauty for her
advantage. Her crimson robes, her amber necklace and her dark hair all enhanced it, and
she smiled without kindness at the overweight man prostrate before her.

The black candles gave the only light but she could still see the parchment paleness of his
naked skin as the dancers chanted while they danced sun-wise in the temple to the beat of
the tabors.

Beside her, a man cloaked in black declaimed in a loud voice words of Initiation.

"Do you bind yourself, with word, deed, and oath to us, the seed of Satan?"

"I do," the nervous, prostrate man replied.

"Then understand that breaking your word is the beginning of our wroth!" He clapped his
hands, and the dancers gathered round. "Hear him! See him! Know him!"

Seven beats from a tabor and the dancers broke their enclosing circle, sighing as Melanie
raised her whip. The sweating men knew it was a formality, a ritual gesture without pain. But
Melanie smiled, and beat him till he bled.

Then she was laughing. "Dance!" she commanded, and they obeyed, completing the ritual
to its end. And when it was over and the bloated man with the freshly bloodied skin drew
some pleasure as he slumped by the altar in the climax of a whore's sexual embrace,
Melanie left to swim naked in the sensuous warmth of her pool.
Soon, only the chief celebrant remained, waiting for her in the small study by her hall. He
was a tall man of gaunt face whose eyes brought to some a remembrance of the image of
someone who was mad. For years, a monastery had fed his body and tried to break his
spirit but he had given way to temptation and sought the road of sin.

Melanie's dress hid little of her flesh, and she sat on the edge of the desk beside him,
smiling as he turned his eyes away. He wanted her body, and she knew it and the reason
why he would do nothing.

"You are going bored with us, " he said.

"And you are afraid."

"Of where you might be leading us?"

"The Ceremony of Recalling."

"But no one, for a long time, has dared - "

She leaned over him, caressing his lips with her finger. "If I find you sacrifice, have you faith
enough to do the ritual and slit his throat?"

Thurstan's past seemed to him to consist of a series of disconnected memories and, as he

sat above the stream while hot sun drew sweat from his body and a light breeze carried it
away from the summit of the hill, tears filled his eyes.

His memories were of women. There was a beauty, and ecstasy about their recalling as
there was about his gestures of love and as he remembered he experienced again the
intensity of life that those gestures had brought him.

He remembered walking one late perfume-filled Spring evening to see, for just a few
minutes, the woman he loved before she left for the company of another man. It was, he
remembered, a long walk begun with the sun of afternoon was warm and the bridge that
joined the banks of the river Cam where they in Cambridge would meet only an image -
distant and hopeful - in his mind. He remembered, years later, a cycling 15 miles through a
winter blizzard to take his letter to the house of the woman he then loved while she slept,
unaware of his dreams. He remembered the exhilaration of running through the streets of
the city to catch the last train and the long walk in the early morning cold to a

house to apologize to the woman he then loved.

Yet the tears, which came to him, were not the tears of sorrow. Everything around him
seemed suddenly more real and more alive - the larks which sang high above the heather-
covered hills; the sun, the sky, the very Earth itself. They, and he himself, seemed to almost
to possess the divine.

He sensed the promise of his own life - as if in some way he and the woman he loved were,
or could be, the instrument of a divine love, a means to reveal divinity to the world. Yet the
divinity he sensed was not the stark god of religion, or even of the one omniscient God, and
the more he experienced and the more he thought he realize it was not god all. It was a
goddess.

This thought pleased him. He felt he had re-discovered an important meaning, maybe even
the ultimate meaning, about his life, and he walked slowly down the from the hill to wash his
face in the cold water of the stream.

The loss of his wife held no sorrow for him now and the sad resignation of yet another loss
began to fade. Like a little boy, he took off his shoes and socks and paddled along in the
stream.

There was no Natalie to share this with him as he might have wished, and his meeting with
her seemed a dream. Was it a week since you come upon her, sitting by the bank of the
river Severn in tree-full Quarry Park while, around, the town of Shrewsbury became drier for
the hot sun of summer?

He could remember almost every word of their conversation – she had smiled as he
had passed and he, shy and blushing, spoke of the weather, of how the long heat had
lowered the level of the water. On her delicate fingers – a ring with a symbol of the
Tao. So he had asked, and had sat beside her. For two hours they talk, revealing
their pasts like two friends.

"Without my dreams," she had said, "I would be nothing" and he hid his tears.
 There was a beauty in her words, in her eyes, sadness in the softness of her voice
and by the time she rose to leave he was in love, although he did not realize it then.
"Can I see again?" he asked. She was unsure, but agreed and he gave her his
address, named a day and time and watched her walk away wanting but not daring to
run and embraced her.

And then she was gone, lost to his world. A day only was over before he found her
address and sent her flowers. Next day – her long, sad letter. "I have nothing to give,"
she had written. "You were my random audience."

He sent more flowers, but sat alone by the river at the appointed time before the
dying sun dried away the foolish vapour of his dreams.

The cold water of the stream refreshed him and, as he bathed his face again, his sadness
slowly returned, only muted by his ecstasy. No one passed him as he walked along the
paths that wound down from among the hills. There was no one to welcome him home, and
the sat by the window in his small cottage wondering what he should do. The hills of south
Shropshire, the isolation, the garden - all had lost their charm. Somewhere, beyond the
valley, the hills, the villages and the town, his wife would be happy within the arms of
another man.

It was not a long walk from his cottage to the town and it's station, but the heat of the day
oppressed him as it made the other passengers in the stuffy, noisy train sit silent and still
throughout the short journey.

Variegated people mingled over the sun-shadowed platforms of Shrewsbury station and
Thurstan followed two young girls as they walked along the concrete above the sun-glinting
lines of steel which carried a diesel engine through the humid air and which vibrated with its
power the ground and buildings around. Then the wooden barrier siphoned the arrivals
down dirty stone steps and through ultramodern doors to the traffic-filled streets of
Shrewsbury.

It was in these streets Thurstan realized he was afraid. He believed he could sense the
feelings behind the faces of the people he passed – and not only sense them, but feel them
as if they were his own. He felt the nervous of vulnerability of a young girl as she waited,
half-afraid, by the frontage of a shop where people jostled, and an intimation of her gentle
innocence being destroyed troubled him. He felt the anger of a young mother as she
scolded her screaming child while cars passed, noisy, in the street: the pain of an old man
as he hobbled supported by a stick toward the pedestrian precinct where youths gathered,
waiting.

Thurstan fled from the people, their feelings, the noise, and the latent tension he could feel
in the air, to sit by the river in Quarry Park. The sun, the flowing water, the warm grass all
calmed him. He sat for over an hour, occasionally turning to watch a few people who
passed along the paths. He sensed an affinity, perhaps a love, for the individuals around
him – an empathy that he could not, even if he had wished, formulate into words. But this
insight was destroyed by a woman.

She was beautiful, the woman who passed him as she walked along the path near where he
sat vaguely wondering about love. She seemed to smile at him, but he could not be sure for
she passed under the shadow of a tree while sunlight narrowed his eyes. His feelings in that
moment were not mystical but rather a strange mixture of gentle sexual desire, expectation
and a burgeoning vitality mixed with the anguish of his shyness, and he was resigned to
simply remembering the moment as he had remembered such moments before when the
woman turned around and smiled.

Thurstan felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. The woman turned, past a
tree to walk under the bridge that fed a road over the river, and up toward the town along a
narrow, stone-lined passage, leaving Thurstan to his turmoil. Then he was on his feet, and
following.

He wanted to run, but dared not. So he followed, quickening his step. He would catch her
when the lane met the road ahead between High School and Hospital. Perhaps she sensed
him lurking behind and was afraid, for she seemed to Thurstan to quicken her step and he
was left to follow her not knowing what he would do. She crossed the road. Thurstan saw
nothing except her and had decided not to follow her anymore when she turned, almost
stopped, and smiled at him again. He felt she was waiting for him and this feeling made him
follow her along the empty pavement and down a narrow cobbled street towards the empty
market of an empty traffic-free town.

He was within yards of her when she vanished into one of the many small shops that lined
the street. 'J. Apted – Antiquarian Books' the sign above the door read.

No bell sounded when the Thurstan entered and in the musty dimness he peered around
the shelves. A portly gentleman with a genial face stared back at him.

"Can I help you at all, sir?" he asked.

In this small room beyond the shelves Thurstan could see no one. "A woman – did woman
just come in here?" Thurstan asked shyly, and blushed.

"A woman?"

"Yes - long red hair, green eyes, wearing a long dress."

The man smiled, kindly. "No one but yourself as entered here this last hour."

Fear of having mistaken the shop, which he saw her enter, made Thurstan rush towards the
door when he saw her portrait, in oils, upon the wall.

It was only several minutes later, after questioning the bookseller, that Thurstan realized he
is seen a ghost. The woman had been dead for 50 years.

II

Fifty years, the bookseller and said.

"Ii was a sad business, yes indeed. Murdered she was. In here - in this very house. I was a
school then, you see. You saw her, you said?" And the old man's eyes seemed to brighten.

Then Thurstan thanked him and fled through the humid heat and the peopled streets to find
a train to take him toward his home. He could not sleep that night, and the next day, at the
same time, he was in the park again, but she did not appear and he walked away to stand
for nearly an hour near the bookshop trying to find the courage to go in.

The bookseller was not surprised to see him. "She is beautiful, yes?" he said as Thurstan
stood staring at the painting.

"Where did you see her first?", the old man asked directly.
Thurstan turned towards him, and shyly shuffled his feet. "I -" he began.

The man smiled kindly. "I have always felt this place is still her home but, alas, I have myself
never met her, as you have done."

"I didn't realize -"

"That what you saw was an apparition? They appear so real, you see. I myself a small
interest in such matters. Would you like some tea?"

The invitation was so unexpected and so kindly meant to the without thinking Thurstan said,
"Yes - that would be rather nice."

"Shall we retire - to somewhere more comfortable?" the man smiled and wrung his hands. "I
shall close early, today!"

The room beyond the shop was, like the shop itself, lined from floor to ceiling with books,
and like the books, the table, chairs and desks were antiquarian. There was a large and
oddly shaped specimen of rock crystal on the table and Thurstan bent down to examine it. A
face - the face of a beautiful woman - was within it but Thurstan had barely recognized it
when it vanished.

"Help me!" he thought he heard a sad, distant voice, say.

The bookseller brought a tray, offered a mug of tea, some biscuits and cake while

Thurstan waited, half -watching the crystal and half -expecting to hear the distant voice. He
ate and drank, and listened to the words of the old man without really understanding them.
Somewhere, in a nearby recess or room, a large clock struck the quarter hour.

His nervous expectancy, the heat, the man's slow but persistent voice, all combined to
make Thurstan disposed towards sleep and he felt himself drifting to embrace that
temptation when a loud and persistent wrapping awoke him.

"I'm sorry," the booksellers said. "Would you excuse me?"

Thurstan heard a brief curse, the door being unlocked and a few words of the hurried
conversation that followed. He was staring into the crystal when the bookseller returned
alone. Nearby, the hidden clock marked the passing of half an hour.

The old man did not smile but stared, nervously, at the floor while he said: "I must go. An
appointment, you understand. You will not be offended I hope?"

"No, of course not".

"Perhaps -", but he looked up and cast his eyes down again before leading Thurstan
towards the door. He saw Thurstan look again at the woman's portrait but pretended not to
notice.

"Well, good-bye," Thurstan said, perplexed by the sudden change in the man's aura.

"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Jebb."

Thurstan held out his hand, but the bookseller shuffled away, leaving Thurstan to stumble
down the outside step and awkwardly close the door. He had almost reached Quarry Park
where a warm sun cast cool tree shadows over the grass when he realized he'd never told
the man his name. But this strangeness did not concern him for long as he walked down to
the river to sit on a bench, trying to remember what the bookseller had said.

It had been about apparitions, but not in general and not about the ghost that Thurstan and
seen, and as he sat watching the strong river flow silently by, he felt his sadness returning.
He would never meet her. Never be able to share his dreams, visions and love. He tried
hard to wish himself back in time - 50 years before. He would walk to her house and wait.
He would not care how long he waited. But he would be ready and somehow save her.

It was childish fantasy and he knew it was, but still he had to control himself to prevent the
tears. "There's so much I don't understand", he said to himself aloud and a young girl,
prettily dressed, moved away from him, fearful, as she passed by his bench.

His tiredness returned, slowly, brought by sun and his sadness and he closed his eyes to
briefly sleep. No sound woke him from the dream about his wife - only a beautiful scent,
nearby. A woman had sat beside him on the bench and for almost a minute he feared to
look at her. But then she seemed about to leave and he turned, in desperation.
Her dark hair was cut gracefully to fall just above her shoulders and she wore a necklace of
polished amber.

"Do you often gawp like that at a strange woman?", she said as he sat open mouth and
unbelieving. Only the colour of her hair and manner of dress was different.

"I…", Then: "I'm sorry, but you are so beautiful," he said without thinking as he let out his
breath.

She smiled but stood up to leave.

"Please- ", Thurstan stood beside her, unable to control himself, and held her arm as she
turned.

She was alive, and in his joy at this he forgot his fear of her reaction. But only for an instant.
He jerked his hand away.

"Yes?"

He struggled to find words would make sense but his thoughts were fastly moving water
breaking over the weir of dread.

She's saved him from this turmoil. "You may invite me to share a pot of tea with you at the
café around corner."

"What? Yes, of course."

He walked beside her, awkward and blushing, for many yards before she spoke again.

"You are an interesting man."

"Do you live in Shrewsbury?" he managed to say.

"Nearby."

"Do you often walk along here?" The banality of his questions pained him - but she would
think him a fool or mad, if he formed his chaos of feelings into words. And did not want to
lose her.

"Sometimes."

It was a strange sensation for Thurstan walking beside the beautiful woman. Was she a
vision sent to haunt him - or was his dream the ghost of yesterday? But he knew she was
real as he seemed to know the she was interested in him. In him, Thurstan Jebb. Perhaps
she was intrigued. Was it something in his eyes, he wondered, that gave him away? For a
long time he had believed he was different - a mystic perhaps, who felt and saw more than
others. This secret knowledge give him security in the outer barrenness of his life as he
eked out a type of living as a gardener, content to have forgotten his past.

"You are an interesting man", he heard in his head like an echo, and he smiled.

"May I ask your name? " he said, feeling his mouth go dry.

She turned and smiled. "Melanie."

"Melanie, " he repeated, like a fool.

"Yes. I believe it comes from the Greek for black."

"Hence your black dress."

"Not really. I think the colour suits me, don't you?"

Unexpectedly, she twirled around, laughing.

"I think most colours would suit you." she smiled at him again and Thurstan wanted to from
embrace her - more from sexual desire than from any nobler feeling. This sudden desire
surprised him with its intensity and he began to tremble. It seemed to him natural that he
should be walking with her, for she was not like a stranger to him. He wanted to hold her
hand as they walked away from the river up a narrow street to were an almost empty café
lay, renovated and waiting beside the boarded up windows and doors of a once notorious
Inn. "Barrick Passage", the street sign read.

They sat in silence for a long time as their Darjeeling tea cooled. "I don't", Thurstan said and
blushed, "make a habit of this."

"What? Drinking tea on a hot afternoon, " she teased.

"No - I mean inviting strange ladies…. "

"Am I strange then?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry," Melanie laughed. "Anyway, I invited you!"

Her smile made Thurstan's desire return. She seemed to be waiting - expectant. There was
warmth and her eyes, in her smile, even in the way that she leaned her body slightly
towards him. Her dress emphasized her breasts as her necklace emphasize her green eyes
and Thurstan greedily sucked in her beauty through his eyes as he sucked in her perfume
through his nose. Her skin was tanned and he found it impossible to judge her age. He
wanted to tell her of the ghost he seen - of his dreams and hopes and visions about life. But
all he did, trembling of limbs and with straining heart, was reach across the table and hold
her hand.

She did not flinch nor move away as half of him expected, but slowly stroked the back of his
hand with her thumb. He was elated with his success, and closed his eyes in delight.

"You are trembling, " she said, gently.

Slowly, he shook his head. "I can't believe this. There are so many things I want to say."
"Don't say them. Let's just enjoy this moment."

"You are so beautiful." he reached up and stroked her face with his fingers.

"Will you walk with me to my car? "

Dazed, he followed her out of the building to walk beside her. She did not seem to mind
when he held her hand.

Several men turned to stare at her as they descended the shop-strewn steepness of Wyle
Cop to cross the busy road. Thurstan was oblivious to it all.

The luxury of her car surprised him and he stood beside it under a hot sun, tongue-tied and
embarrassed and feeling lost. Only the wealthy could afford such a car.

"You seem surprised, " she said, breaking free her hand to find the keys in the pocket of her
dress.

Their slow but short walk from the café had unsettled Thurstan, for the magick of the
moment they had shared appeared to him to be drifting away to another world, and he
would began to convince himself that he had been mistaken. There would be nothing more -
except perhaps the future possibility of him trying somehow to painfully recapture those
moments: to draw her on toward the fulfillment of desire. But all she did was hold the
passenger door of the car open for him, saying, "Come on." And, obedient, he sat beside
her, while chaos returned to his head.

Skillfully she drove through the streets to take a road westerly from the town while Thurstan
watched and waited, so full of anticipation that he could not speak. She turned to smile
several times as a miles lay numberless because uncounted behind them and as a strong
summer sun coloured the sky deep blue, he found his desire increasing. He knew she
sensed this, and drove faster as if intoxicated both by the power of the car and his feelings
toward her. The road rose steadily through small villages, past cottages and houses, to turn
and re-turn between the Stiperstonerocks and the growing hills that became Wales, leading
up from a tree-lined valley to the desolate wastes of marshlands were abandoned mine-
workings lay.
Melanie left the main road that dropped slowly between the Corndon and Black Rhadley
hills to follow a low hedged-hemmed lane over the border into Wales. The lane rose and fell
to rise again between fields worn for centuries only by sheep and sparse of tree. Then, quite
suddenly, Melanie stopped.

Thurstan felt her anger before he saw it in her eyes. She was staring at him, but he only
smiled. For a moment, she did not seem quite human and when he reached out for her
hand she snatched it away.

He was perplexed by this change in her rather than afraid, and sat, quietly waiting and
smiling. When she looked away, he said, "I can walk back if you wish."

She did not turn around. "It might be best."

"I'm sorry if I have upset to you in any way. I thought...."

"I know what you thought!" she said savagely.

"No - not just that." he closed his eyes to see within the fleeting impression of his dreams.
The days, hours, minutes shared: the moments of intuitive closeness - sharing a sunset, a
snowy day in Spring, laughter, tears, and physical joy. The look, touch, feeling of lovers.

Thurstan did not want to lose his dreams. "You are a rare, precious and beautiful woman.
There is something about you - I don't know what it is." He felt so much love within him that
he wanted to share and thus his words could not be stopped. "I sensed something about
you when we sat by the river. Call me mad - or a fool, or both. I don't care. You sensed it
too, I know."

Angry still, she said, "What did you sense then?"

"Then maybe you are my Destiny." Gently, he stroked her face.

"Your dreams are not real."

"They are if I make them real." He sighed and stared out the window. A raven flew nearby,
but it did not interest him. "Maybe it was the goddess I saw in you, I don't know. I've
certainly made a fool of myself this time, haven't I?"

"You interest me, " she said, her anger gone.

"And you perplex me." Since he felt he ought to be honest he added, “and you arouse my
desire. But you know that. As you know that basically I'm just a romantic fool with a
headpiece filled with dreams."

"You do not know anything about me."

"I have always found the beginnings of relationships difficult. The tentative steps, the
gradual unravelling of lives. It always seemed such a waste - there are so many more
important things. And I'm not talking about the physical aspect either. I always plunge
straight in - rather bad choice of phrase - the grand passion every time. Never seem to learn
either.

"So, it's not important for you to know me. I sense things about you. I see your beauty, smell
your perfume, and am intoxicated. You offer the choice of existence, meaning, bliss,
sorrows, tears. Whenever. It does not matter - I am alive again! Really living. Full of energy,
anticipation. You are music, poetry, dance - even religion."

He laughed. "Now you know that I am mad!"

Slowly, she drove on to where a cottage with a sagging roof and decaying walls grew
beside the road, sheltered from sheep by a small garden where a rusty dismembered tractor
lay dead. Incongruous beside it was a new car, spreading bright sun. Melanie stopped, and
entered the cottage without knocking on its paint-peeling door. Less than a minute later she
returned.

"I must see you again," she said she started her car. "Now I have other matters that must be
attended to. "Joel," she indicated the men who emerged from the cottage "shall take you
back."

Thurstan look perplexed so she said, "Don't worry," and touched his face. "You were not
mistaken. Meet me tomorrow night at nine where we met today. Can you do that?"
"Of course!"

"Good. Now I must go."

To Thurstan's surprise, she leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Then he was outside
the metal womb of the car. She did not wave, but drove quickly away to leave him standing
beside the ugly man with a madman's grin.

Over the cottage, a raven flew to shadow him briefly from the sun.

III

They were waiting for her, in the small wood near the circle of ancient stones. Algar, Master
of her Temple, smiled as he watched her walk alone towards them.

"So," he said, "he was not to be our chosen." In the light of the wood, his dark gaunt
features were sinister.

"There shall be other times." Melanie did not take she offered robe. "Tomorrow when dark
comes, we shall gather here again."

"For the sacrifice?" Algar asked.

"Perhaps." She addressed her followers directly. "Go now. And tomorrow we shall feast and
rejoice!"

She did not wait but turned back along the track toward he car. Almost obsequious, Algar
walked beside her.

"But he was receptive?" he asked.

"Yes."

"You do a particularly fetching in that dress if I may say so." Then, seeing her

indifference, he said, "Shall you lure him tomorrow?"

"He may not be suitable."

"Oh? Why would that be then?"

Melanie stopped and stared at him and he visibly cowered. "What do you mean?"

"I meant nothing," he said truthfully. But her anger aroused suspicion.

"The new candidate?"

Algar smiled. "He has healed well. He would like to see you, privately of course."

"Of course. Tonight?"

"I could arrange it, if you wish."

"Arrange it!"

The humid heat of the evening annoyed her while she waited, and when he did come,
brought forth from the darkness outside her house by Algar, she was impatient to begin.
Algar took the man's money before leading him into the candle-lit incensed Temple where
he stripped and bound him to the frame.

But the frenzied whipping of the fat man with bulging eyes and pale skin did not bring forth
the joy of pleasure she anticipated - only a hatred that quickly passed as the man groaned
and sighed, taking his own dark pleasure from his pain. There was little blood upon the back
and buttocks of the man and Algar, leering in the shadows, was surprised when she
stopped. The bound man turned to look up at her, his eyes pleading for the pleasure her
pain and dominance brought him. He could see her breasts clearly through her thin sweat-
stained robe, but his hands were bound by leather thongs to the cold aluminium frame and
he could not reach out and touch them as he wished.

There was a strange desire within Melanie and it appalled her. She tried to destroy it by
fulfilling her role as Satanic whip queen and surrendering again to the joy she found in
dominating and debasing the men she despised. But it did not work and the lashes she
gave became softer until they stopped completely. In disgust at herself she threw the
leather scourge upon the altar to let Algar disrobe and take his own selfish pleasure upon
the man whom he unbound and pushed roughly to the floor.

Her swim in the warm water of her pool settled some of her feelings, a little, so she was able
to plan how best Algar could kill her chosen sacrifice. She and she alone would dare to call
the Dark Gods back to Earth. The chosen would be easy to entice to their sacred circle of
stones as he had been easy to capture, and the more she thought of the deed to come, the
more the anticipated pleasure covered and obscured her remembrances of his gentle
dreams.

She was Melanie, Mistress of the Earth in the Temple of Darkness: ruler of a coven of fifty.
No man would mould her feelings. For years she had schemed, cheated, manipulated and
lied, building from the foundations of her beauty and sexuality the wealth and power she
craved as a girl. She was fifteen when her parents died when the plane they were in
crashed. A teacher befriended her and was not long before she realized the power her
innocence and beauty gave her. He was her first victim, but she soon tired of him and his
small gifts and sought more wealthy prey. But she despised them all, these man who lusted
after her - they would sell their souls, and most of them had, for the short pleasure she
sometimes allowed them to find in her body. Thurstan would be no exception.

It would be good, she felt, to sacrifice him at the moment he achieved his desire. This
thought pleased her and she swam slowly, allowing the physical exertion and the warmth of
all of water to gently excite her.

Algar watched the rear lights the man's car fade on the long driveway from the house before
he shut the door. Melanie was upstairs, asleep, and he did not creep but walked boldly
through the hall to her secret Temple. It was a small room, windowless and black,
containing only a chair and a wooden plinth on which stood a large quartz tetrahedron.

A diffuse light, reddish in hue, was thrown upward from the opaque floor and for many
minutes Algar sat in the chair amid the warm and perfumed air. He felt powerful, sitting
there instead of a kneeling on the floor while she sat smiling and forming her thoughts into
the crystal to become the chains, which bound him.

"With a look or smile," he remembered she had said, "I can strike you dead!". He did not
doubt it. Three years ago she had stolen his power.

For ten years he had followed the way of his Prince gathering allies and power. Even as a
boy he'd followed some of these ways, but his teachers and superiors had mistaken his
hatred for intellectual sophistry, his dark interior life for spirituality and his ruthless ambition
for spiritual gifts. The world of monastic schooling was all he had ever known or wanted and
it was natural that it should lead him to a novitiate and the Order of his teachers.

For one year, and one year only, he tried to follow their way until Bruno the elder novice had
one night seduced them as he lay in his cold monastic cell.

For weeks afterwards he had prayed to the Prince, "Our Father, which wert in heaven
hallowed be thy name in heaven as it is on Earth. Give us this day our desire and delivers
us to evil as well as temptation for we are your kingdom for aeons and aeons. Prince of
Darkness, hear me."

Bruno died soon after, in his sleep, an expression of stark terror on his face. "Heart attack" a
doctor had said, but Algar knew his humiliation had been avenged.

He was a Priest, his dark life hidden and a source of satisfaction, when he first met her. It
was a cold morning in Spring and she stood outside his little church, radiantly beautiful in
the light of the sun. "I have come, " she said, "to ask you to say a Mass for us". She held out
her left hand and he saw the strange symbol on her ring. Obedient, he knelt down to kiss it.
"How did you know?" he asked. She smiled, not kindly despite her beauty. "I have seen you
at night pray to our Prince."

The crystal had guided her. That very night he presided as priest at a Black Mass and
afterwards, with only her servant Lois remaining in her large house, she had bound his will
with her own. He had been standing by the crystal when Lois had stripped him bare and
offered her body. Then Melanie the dark witch was laughing but his sudden anger was no
match for her power and she stared at him before binding him by curse.

Her eyes seemed to suck his will away and she unthreaded an amber bead from the many
she wore around her neck. "In this bead I bind you by the power of our Prince! Binan ath ga
wath am!" she chanted. "Nythra!…" He watched silent and paralyzed while she counted the
fifty beads she wore around her neck. The crystal gave power to and magnified her
thoughts and when she released him he stared at it for several minutes. But it was useless -
he could do nothing with it and calmly allowed himself to be led by Lois to his room. And
when he awoke, worn and feeling old, there was a beautiful boy, waiting naked, by his bed.
"I am her gift" the burgeoning man had said….

Algar sighed as he remembered. Even after three years he did not know the secret of her
crystal but he did know the Satanic organization she had created to keep her power and
wealth, and as he walked from her temple to find a telephone, he was smiling.

"Rathbone?" he said into the telephone receiver. "This is Algar. I believe you owe us a
favour ….I have a job for you."

Upstairs, unknown to or her High Priest, Melanie was awake and watching him on the
monitor screen of her discretely installed surveillance system.

IV

Thurstan was early. It was a humid evening and he sat by the river enjoying the twilight. The
new clothes he had bought for the occasion made him feel self-conscious and every few
minutes he would look around. But the few people who wandered by did not - or pretended
they did not - notice him and he would be left to rehearse again in his head what he would
say to Melanie when they met.

It was not a sudden decision, but the planning of the night before, that made Melanie watch
him silently from a distance. She did not watch for long.

Darkness was upon the hill as in silence the worshippers prepared, guided only by the
diffuse light from the candles in their red lanterns. Carefully Algar laid out the sacrificial knife
upon the woven cloth inside the circle of stones. The thongs were strong and would bind the
victim while the cloth would soak up the blood. Satisfied he whispered commands.

"She is here!" Lois said seeing the signal from one of the men guarding the track that led to
the stones.

There was a sigh from thirteen throats and then the slow dance and has chant began.
"Suscipe Satanas munus quod tibi offerimus…” Soon the hissing became like the sound of
a thousand demons chattering as they rose gleefully from the pits of Hell. In the centre,
Algar waited with his muscular helper to bind the victim's arms and legs.

Then Melanie was before him. One bead of her amber necklace appeared to

Algar to be glowing, pulsing in rhythm with the beat of his heart. He was becoming
mesmerized with this when it occurred to him that Melanie was alone.

Before he could move he was held from behind. He felt thongs being tied around his wrists,
heard Melanie whisper mockingly in his ear, "We have our sacrifice!”

"No! No!" he screamed. But she was laughing as someone gave her the knife.

Around them, the sibilant chant rose towards its climax, the dancers fleetingly caught in the
red glow from the candles.

With a sudden burst of energy Algar screamed. "Jebb dies if I do!" but a gag silenced him.

Melanie held the sharp knife to his throat before loosening the gag. "Tell me what you
mean!" she demanded.

"He dies if I do not return," Algar said, flinchingly.

"Is that so? "

"Rathbone shall - "

Melanie clapped hands twice and from the darkness around the track a man stepped into
the dim circle of light. Someone held a lantern near his face.

"I had no choice," Rathbone said, his face, like a weasel, twitching.

Then Algar was on his knees, crying. "Spare me, spare me!" he pleaded
"And if I do?" demanded Melanie.

"I shall always be your slave."

Three times Melanie clapped her hands as a signal for the dancers to gather around. "See"
she said, "all you who dwell in my temple. Here is Algar, the High Priest who thought he
knew my secret, admired and envied for his fortune by you all. See now how he begs before
me! Shall I spare him?"

"Kill him! Kill him!" they demanded.

Melanie laughed. Algar was brought to his feet. "For a year I shall spare your life."

The dancers, as if signalled silently, dispersed to return to their dance. "Now," she

whispered to Algar, "you shall see my power - brought without the gift of blood!"

She did not speak, or move, but slowly raised her hands as, many miles away, the crystal
within her secret temple began to glow. "Atazoth! Atazoth!", the dancing dancers hissed.
The sky above and around them was clear, speckled by stars but a ragged darkness came
to cover a part of the sky as a putrid stench filled the air and a circle of cold fell around the
worshippers. No one moved, then, or chanted or spoke but all stared up at the sky. The
darkness grew slowly before withdrawing into a sphere that darted across sky. And then it
was gone.

"Tomorrow, " Melanie said, "you shall see the chaos I have caused. Now feast and rejoice
and take your pleasure as you will!"

Around her, the orgy began a she unbound Algar's hands and led him from the revelry
toward her car.

"There is much you do not know, " she said she drove toward her house.

Algar did not speak during their journey and slunk away like a broken man into his room on
their arrival, while Melanie watched him on a monitor screen. But it was not long before she
began thinking about Thurstan. She had reached out to him while she had watched him
sitting by the river and even had not Algar's intended treachery changed her plans she knew
that she could not have hurt him.

She had even lost her lust for Algar's blood and let him live. Somewhere, around the world,
the dark power she unleashed would be causing disaster and death. It was a small
beginning, the prelude to the opening of the Star Gate which would return her Dark Gods to
Earth. But it was not fulfilling, and she thought it might be.

Unsettled, she went down to her temple. The warmth of the gentle light, the perfume but
most of all the crystal brought here reassurance about her power and role, and she forgot
about Thurstan and a burgeoning dichotomy he was causing in her head. Perhaps her Dark
Gods and guided her to the crystal - she did not know. But only four years ago she had
found it, in a Satanic Temple she had visited. The group had not impressed her, but the
High Priest was easy do manipulate and her given her the crystal as a gift. Only when she
first touched it did she discover its power.

The High Priest was the first person whose soul she bound within the beads around her
neck. He still brought her money from his schemes, and sometimes a new member. She
was content to leave him to bask in his little power, knowing she only had to summon him
for him to fall prostrate at her feet. And when his schemes failed or he ceased to be of use,
she would remove his bead and grind it into dust, for then he would surely die.

For weeks after the gift of the crystal she had shut herself away in the small house she then
shared with Lois. The crystal brought knowledge and she had learned how to use it to travel
among the hidden dimensions where the Dark Gods slept, waiting for someone to break the
seal that bound them in sleep. She learned of Earth's past, of how the Dark Gods had come
bringing terror and much that was strange. Of how her Prince was their Guardian, given the
Earth as his domain. Her shape-changing Prince was her guide to the Abyss beyond, and
she explored the Abyss without fear, trembling or dread. She would be ready, she knew,
when the stars were aligned aright, to call and summon the Dark

Gods from sleep.

Her temple, the men she held in thrall in her beads, were but a means to this call, for the
crystal was the key to the Star Gate. She, and she alone of all those who over the centuries
had tried to bring the dark terrors forth, would succeed - of that she was sure.

So had she played her games of power and joy, feeling herself the equal of gods. There
were few crimes that she had not sanctioned or sent men, in their lust, to commit, few
pleasures she had not enjoyed. Yet she was not maddened by either pleasure or power,
and kept her empire small, sufficient for her needs, and herself anonymous. Many small
firms headed by small men, a brothel or two, a number of temples in the cities beyond -
such were the gifts of her Prince and she tended them all, as a wise woman should.

Slowly, and contended once again, she left for temple to climb the stairs to her bed.

Algar waited, quite patiently, until he was sure she was asleep and knocked, not too loudly,
on Lois' door. She had returned alone, as he knew she must, and was not surprised see
him.

"Yes!" she asked and smiled, leaning against frame of her door. Sometimes, Algar like to
talk with her, as one servant to another.

Algar did not smile, nor speak but moved towards her to stab her in the throat. She rasped,
staring in disbelief, and staggered back towards the bed. Not content, he followed and
stabbed her through the heart. The beauty that had pleased Melanie would please her no
more and, smiling at this thought,

Algar wiped the handle of the knife clean on the satin sheet. Soon, he was running away
from the house under the shimmering bright stars of the humid night.

Melanie awoke slowly. She sensed a change in the aura of her house and had walked
towards her door before realizing what it was. She was alone. But there was no fear in her
and she wandered barefoot and naked along long corridor, as there was no shock when she
entered Lois' room.

It was then she knelt down to gently close the eyes of her dead lover that the reaction came.
Her cold hatred toward Algar for his deed was soon gone, and in the silence of her house
and for the first time in her life, she began to cry.

Outside, a stray, fierce dog howled.

Algar heard the howling as he ran down the narrow lane away from the house and in terror
he scrambled through the hedge to run faster across the fields. The dog, sent by the dark
force of Melanie’s will, had picked up his scent and Algar ran, desperate and stumbling,
toward the valley stream.

The house lay alone on a track below the hill that held Billings Ring, the fields around sheep-
strewn and rough, overlooked by the southerly slopes of the Mynd that turned the waters of
the Onny River south then almost north until a softer rock fed them eastward again. The
sound of water was clear amid the silence of the night and Algar stood beside the stream in
an effort to slow his straining breath. The lights of a car on the road above and a field away
from him shone ragged through the high hedge, and Algar crept down, fearing to be seen.

But his fear of the pursuing beast was stronger and he waded into the stream to walk along
it for several yards and hide under the bridge. He could hear the dog but could not see it
and waited, cold and shaking, for nearly half an hour. The bridge swept a narrow lane away,
and up from the valley road, to a hamlet of a few houses. There would be no safety for him
there in the farm workers’ houses less than a mile from Melanie’s home.

For some time he listened intently, and, hearing nothing, crawled slowly and scared from
the stream. He was on the lane, almost at its junction with the road when the stalking dog
attacked. It leapt snarling to try and sink its teeth into his throat. But Algar shielded his face
with his hands and the dog bit deeply into his arm, knocking him over. It bit him again as
Algar struggled with it on the ground. There was a large stone by his hand and Algar used it
to smash at the dog’s skull. In a frenzy, he struck the dog until it was dead. But even then
he kicked it several times and threw the stone at its face before staggering to the road.

The first car that passed him did not stop and nearly knocked him over as he stood in the
road waving his bloodied arms, but the second one, a long time after, did stop and Algar
pretended to faint. The driver was near when Algar leapt up to push the man away before
stealing his car.

The pain was excruciating but he tried to ignore it and the dizziness that threatened to
overwhelm him. He had one hope and one hope only and drove fastly toward Shrewsbury to
seek sanctuary from Melanie’s curse. The roads were empty, the streets of the town
deserted in the silent hours before dawn and he abandoned the car to walk the last quarter
mile to the church.

No light shone in the Presbytery windows until his insistent knocking on its doors awoke its
occupant from his sleep.
Cautious, but not afraid, the old Priest opened the door.

“Help me, Father! Please, help me!” Algar pleaded.

He did not see the bats that flew silently away from the church.

-------

There was no choice, as Melanie knew. The two members of her Temple, summoned from
their sleep, carried the body to their van. Melanie had cleaned and bathed it, using her own
black satin sheets for a shroud, and she stayed beside it during the hours it took them to dig
the grave.

Dawn came, with no wind to break the silence of the forest, but its beautiful colours did not
interest her as she stood, dressed in white, in the still air to watch the two men lower the
body into the Earth. There were no prayers to her to say, no lament for her to sing – only an
unvoiced oath to avenge the death of her friend. The earth was returned, the covering of
grass and small bush neatly replaced, the debris of leaves and broken twig scattered again.
There was no sign of the grave and, satisfied, Melanie allowed the men to return to her
home.

“There shall be gifts for you both,” she said as they bowed slightly before taking their leave.

Slowly, in her secret Temple, she unthreaded from her necklace Algar’s bead. There was no
frenzy of anger within her but a desire for Algar to suffer a slow, painful death as she
squeezed the amber bead several times between her fingers. To her surprise the crystal did
show her Algar contorted in pain. Yet she knew that even though for some reason she could
not see him and thus discover his location, she was still causing him pain, and as she
danced around her crystal she increased the pressure on the bead before stopping to
visualize the time and place of his death, two weeks hence in the centre of her circle of
stones.

Slowly, and deliberately she cut the threads, which bound his life to this Earth, and,
although still living, he was imprisoned in her web of death. It was not difficult for her to
move the plinth upon which the crystal stood, for she had done it many times before and the
mechanism which she had installed many years before did not fail her. The plinth, and the
stone and which it rested, moved quietly aside to reveal a dark pit that sank deep into Earth.
She did not smile, or feel anything, as she let the bead drop to join the scattered human
remains.

The remains were the work of the sinister woman who had in the weeks of her dying given
Melanie the house. “I have waited for you,” she remembered the old woman had said,
“waited as our Prince said I should. My coven and books and house are yours.” She never
spoke again, but signed her name on her will, and Melanie was left to find the old woman’s
secrets from the Black Book of workings she had kept. ‘I, Eulalia, Priestess of the forgotten
gods, descended from those who kept the faith, here set forth for she who is to come after
me, the dark secrets of my craft…’ The book was Melanie’s most treasured possession,
after her crystal and her beads. It was the crystal that first showed her the house.

She let the crystal guide here again and sat in her chair while the plinth slid silently back into
place. At first, the tetrahedron showed nothing, but its inner clearness gradually vanished to
reveal a man’s face. Thurstan was in his cottage, reading as he sat hunched on the wide
inside sill of a window, framed by the rising sun. He looked up, briefly, and smiled as if
aware of being observed. He seemed to Melanie to be staring at her. Then he was gone as
the crystal cleared.

His smile, that gentle look in his eyes, her sensation of herself being observed all confused
her, and she left her Temple to walk under the warm sun in the walled garden at the rear of
her house. It was not long before she returned to her crystal.

It did not respond to her commands of thought. There was no Thurstan for her to see, not
even an outside view of his cottage. Faint images seemed to be forming, but the were
intrusive – bats flying away from a church at night, a raven plucking the eye from a dead
dog – and her failure angered her. Her anger was the catalyst, and transformed the
flickering images into a clear vision of Algar writhing in agony upon a bed. Above him on the
wall, was the symbol of the Nazarene. By the bed an old Priest spoke silent words as he
read from a leather breviary.

Melanie’s laugh erased all thoughts of Thurstan from her mind.

VI

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immunde spiritus, omnia Satanica potestas omnis incursio infernalis
adversarii ….”
The old Priest continued his prayer of exorcism while Algar writhed in pain on the bed. But
then the pain eased. Algar however, did not attribute this to the Priest but to Melanie’s
curse. She would want him to die slowly, and as he lay smiling inwardly at the antics of the
old man who had earlier cleaned and dressed the wounds the vicious dog had caused,
Algar sensed a chance for life.

It would not arise from the exorcism for he had no belief in the religion of the Priest which
once and briefly he himself had embraced inwardly. The old man had been kind, listening
intently as Algar had told him a tale composed mainly of lies. He had been given sanctuary,
clothes and medical aid – which was all he wanted – and let the Priest play out his farce of a
role. His chance for life would come from his own hands by his breaking of Melanie’s curse.
For that, she herself would have to die, and he began to think of stratagems by which he
could lure her to her death.

Thurstan Jebb held some fascination for her, or some future potential which she planned
somehow to draw out for her own advantage and although he did not know nor particularly
care which, if any of these was correct, he knew enough to realize Jebb might provide his
bait. The plan he thought of pleased him, bringing a resurgence of some of the power he
had felt as High Priest and he allowed the old man to finish his prayers before explaining he
would have to leave.

He thanked the Priest for the exorcism, lyingly said it was effective and thanked the man for
saving his life. He even suggested they go into the church to say a prayer of thanksgiving.
Algar, offering his wounds as an excuse not to kneel, sat to say aloud in Latin a suitable
prayer. The Priest was impressed, as Algar knew he would be, and did not say no when
Algar asked for some money.

“Just a small loan, Father,” the lying High Priest said.

A few hours later, he was safely in Leeds. The pain, which came to him during his journey
by train, was not intense or prolonged.

Ray Vitek was not pleased to see him and it showed on his face. But in deference to Algar’s
position he asked him politely inside the seedy terraced house along the sloping streets
between the traffic noise of Hyde Park Corner and the tree lined peace of Meanwood Ridge.

“So,” Vitek said suspiciously as they sat among the books within a mould-filled room, “she
has sent you for another favour.” Nervously, with thin fingers, he stroked his pointed beard.
“A favour, yes. But not for her.”

“I see. So it has come to that.”

“Will you join me – against her?”

“Years ago – I forget exactly when it was – I had a Priestess. Perhaps you remember her?
No, well I was young then, as you were. I loved her. Linda was her name. Then she came to
entice her away. She died – in a brothel.”

“Then you will help?”

“Me – once in love! I have never loved anyone or anything since.”

“I did not know,” Algar said, acting concerned.

“Who cares – I don’t care – not any more.” Then, his mood changed, he added, “what has
she done to you then?”

Algar took off the coat that the Priest had given him and showed his bloodstained bandages.

“So?” Vitek said. “Why come to me?”

“Because you have friends. Desperate friends who need a little something every now and
then. What would they do for a year’s supply?”

“She would have you killed before you did anything.”

Algar laughed. It was not pleasant to hear. “She does not know about my – how shall I say –
my little side-line!”

Vitek was surprised – but his lethargy soon returned. “So what can I do?”
“Your friends,” Algar said – and his imitation of a gargoyle suited him, “shall keep a little
something of mine. To lure her. She come – and they – how shall I say – entertain her?”

Vitek’s brief laugh was broken by a spasm of coughing. He spat into the fireplace. Then,
remembering: “but her power – “

“When they take her they bring you the necklace she wears. You shall bring it to me.”

“But I remember – “

“The crystal? Yes, I shall smash it while she is away and her power will be gone!”

“A year’s supply, you say? For them all?”

“For them all!”

“It shall be done as you wish. When?”

“Tomorrow!”

“So soon?”

“It must be! When she arrives – surprise her. Take her by force, tear the necklace away!
Without it she has no power. And when your friends have finished their games with her –“
he shrugged – “an overdose perhaps.”

“When do you deliver?”

“After the deed is done.”

“I may need something – “

“To offer them? Of course! You shall have it, my friend! This very day. Give me two hours.”
His torment was beginning again, and as he strove to control the pain, sweat began to
dribble down his face. “I shall return here.”

He did not wait but rushed to flee outside where he stood under a cloudy sky while his body
contorted in pain. “I shall kill you!” He repeated. “You shall die a horrible death.”

He imagined that the death Melanie would find tomorrow and although this brought a little
satisfaction it did nothing to lessen his pain. He felt like he was being crushed. Then, as
suddenly as it had before, it stopped. He walked on toward the summit of the road, dreading
its return.

He worked slyly and quickly in the anonymity of the city while thunderclouds covered the
sky and the humidity grew. A few telephone calls, a meeting with a man whose expensive
car drove him along the crowded streets to a small warehouse by the river. Promises made,
a briefcase given to him, another journey by car and he was handing Vitek the promised
goods – small packets containing white death.

His pain did not return, but his dread of its returning never left him, becoming during the
growing cloud darkness of the daylight hours a demon to haunt him. He was always two
footsteps behind, this demon.

The Satanic underworld did not fail him. For two years he had used his influence as
Melanie’s High Priest to spin his webs in the temple of the empire she had built. Money
diverted, a few small schemes of his own. He had been waiting for her weakness, and had
found it. Soon, her empire would be his.

This pleased him. He was given help in her name, but in a few days it would be his name
which commanded respect. He had used her name before and she never knew. He used it
again, and a young man collected him in a new car and ferried him toward her home.

The demon of dread followed. Several times while lightning struck and nearby thunder
crashed, he feared Vitek’s betrayal. “You know how she feels about these,” he had said to
Vitek while he gave the white death away. And Vitek’s sunken eyes had bulged. “She does
not like them. Warn her, Vitek, and there shall be no more.” Vitek’s thin, grasping hands
said he understood. “Your friends, Vitek – I should have to tell them, you understand, if you
betrayed me.”
His fears grew like the darkness that brought the day to its end until he became a madman
pretending he was sane. He had procured a revolver, and caressed it repeatedly.

Apted was in his shop, as Algar hoped he would be. As soon as Apted unlocked the door he
pushed past him.

“Is all well with you?” Apted asked cheerfully.

Algar pressed the barrel of the revolver into a flabby cheek. “Give me Jebb’s address!”

“But she – “

“Give me the address!” He eased back the hammer of the gun with his thumb.

“But I gave it to Rathbone.”

“He is no use to me now! The address!”

Apted gave it.

“Tell her, fat man, and I shall carve the fat from you, slice by slice! Understand? Good! She
is finished!” As a gesture of his defiance he spat at her portrait, which hung on Apted’s wall.

The storms, which had followed him from Leeds, fell upon the town to wash the heat and
dust away, stealing, for a few brief minutes, the lights that kept the night at bay. Somewhere
below the thunder, a young child screamed.

VII

The storm pleased Melanie and she danced naked in her garden while the rain washed her
body as she sucked the storm’s health in.

She was inside, allowing the warm air in her secret Temple to dry her when she heard the
telephone ring. The call was brief and she dressed slowly before saying goodbye to her
house.

Apted was in a corner of his shop, jibbering, the telephone in his hand, his door open as
Algar had left it. She smiled at him and touched his forehead with her hand. Soon, he was
almost smiling.

“I had to tell him. I am sorry,” he said and meant it.

“You are safe now. He cannot harm you. Do you believe me?”

“Yes, my princess.” Happiness returned to his face.

“Is Jane still in your care?”

“Why, yes! But they have threatened to take her away from me.”

“May I borrow her for a few days?”

“She is yours now – a gift from an old and grateful man.”

Melanie’s brief kiss surprised him, but when he opened his eyes again, she was gone.

The sky had cleared by the time she drove along the narrow track that led to Thurstan’s
cottage among the hills of south Shropshire, and as she left her car to walk the few yards to
his door bats swooped around her. She greeted them, as a queen should, laughing as she
pushed the door open.

Thurstan was gone, as she half expected him to be, and she felt and smelt the traces that
Algar had left. There was a note, stuck to the table by a knife and she read it without
emotion. “Come alone,” it read, giving a date, time and place, “or he shall die like Lois.” It
demanded a large sum of money.

She burned the note in the fireplace before examining the cottage. There were few books
and all of those were in Greek. Homer, Aeschylus, Sophocles… Few clothes, furniture or
possessions. In the bedroom she found a neat pile of translations but they did not interest
her, as the cottage seemed to hold few clues to Thurstan himself. It was damp if clean,
austere but full of memories. The memories, spectral forms and sounds, seeped out of the
walls, the floor, the beams which held the roof, to greet Melanie. Sighs, laughter, the pain of
childbirth, an old man dying his bed while his spirit wandered the hills above.

Two centuries of life, struggle, love and death.

But however intently she listened, however still she held her gaze, neither sights nor sounds
from Thurstan’s past seeped to her through the gates of time, and it was behind the only
painting in the cottage that she found her answer. It was a good painting of a pretty woman,
curiously hung above the long narrow windows where Melanie had seen Thurstan sitting.
Behind it, totally obscured, was a niche carved from the rough stone that made up the walls.
It contained a large quartz crystal. Stored in the crystal was Thurstan’s life, in images only a
Mistress of Earth or a Magus could see.

-------

The child that Algar had abducted near Apted’s shop during the storm had lain silent and
terrified in the car while the young man drove through the night, obedient to Algar’s
commands because he believed he was acting in Melanie’s name.

The young man had said nothing when Algar told him to stop and took the child into the
darkness of trees by the road. He kept his silence when Algar returned alone fastening the
belt of his trousers. He said nothing as he stood waiting for Thurstan to answer the knocks
that Algar made upon his door. Kept his silence as he bound and gagged the man at whose
head Algar aimed the revolver. Said nothing as he drove his silent passenger to the city of
Leeds and the rotting, broken houses that were Algar’s destination. The human shadows
that surrounded his car and who dragged the bound man away repulsed him, and he was
glad when Algar gave him money and dismissed him.

There was much mute laughter and hissing glee as Thurstan was hauled from room to
smelly room whose denizens lay supinely on floors or leaned, festering, against walls while
loud music played. Vitek was lashing Thurstan to a chair in an upper room when Algar’s
demon of dread leapt and sunk its rows of teeth into the flesh of its prey. Algar did not
scream but cowered in a corner, his whole body convulsed. Thurstan was smiling – or
seemed to Algar to be smiling at him – and he leapt up to punch Thurstan several times in
the face. Instantly, his torment ceased. Then Thurstan winked.
Raging, Algar held the revolver to his head, but Vitek calmed him and led him away, saying,
“He is our bait, our money. Leave him.”

Daylight brought no sun or light through the boarded windows and Algar slept, twitching
from nightmares, on the floor of a suppurating room where three men took turns copulating
with a young girl too tired and drugged to care. But their energy did not last and soon only
Thurstan was awake, dreaming of the woman he had loved.

-------

A few high cirrus clouds flecked the beautiful blue of the sky as Melanie drove slowly under
the warm sun through the busy streets of Leeds. She was not late, and parked her car in the
narrow rubble filled street of boarded up houses. Two men with long greasy hair wearing
chains for belts watched her, showing rotten teeth as they smiled.

Swaggering, they walked toward her as she got out of her car. Behind her, another man
emerged from the shadowed alley beside a house. He was within feet of her when she
opened the back door of her car. Gracefully, the leopard leapt into the sunlight.

She stood leaning against her car while the leopard sat beside her. Respectfully and
silently, the men moved away. Then, one of them moved slowly toward her but he did not
speak as she did not, only bowed his head while she stared into his eyes. He walked away,
then – and there was a scream as he, obedient to her will, entered the house, then the
sound of breaking glass and wood. A shout. “Don’t come any closer!” And a single shot, dull
but echoing.

Another man walked toward her and he too bowed his head, a little, as she stared into his
eyes. “Kill him!” a voice like Algar’s screamed, as he too entered the house.

The third and last man came forward to wait with her beside her car. For a long time, silence
– broken by a shout from within the house.

“We must kill her.”

Three men carrying clubs and knives came forth from the house but the single man was no
match for them and was soon beaten unconscious. Triumphant, the three moved sneering
and leering toward Melanie.
“Kill her! Kill her!” the demented Algar screamed from the safety of the house.

“Come on!” laughed one of the men, “hypnotize me!”

“She is making me tremble!” jeered another.

“Let’s strip her, hey?” Laughed the third.

Melanie did not see but rather sensed Algar aim his gun and she stared toward the
shadows in the doorway. There was no shot, only Algar cursing as the revolver jammed,
while the leopard stood and kept the shouting men away.

Their obscenities were irrelevant to Melanie as she was content to wait in the heat of the
sun for her full magickal powers to return. Her control of the three men had weakened her, a
little, but she knew her weakness would not last. Perhaps the jeering men sensed her
weakness or perhaps Algar had told them to try to drain her power away, but it was not
important and she hid her strength for Algar’s expected attack.

It was Vitek who came running from the house, carrying an axe. He slowed, as her power
touched him, then stopped to stand harmless and silent. But his appearance broke the spell
that kept the others at a distance – they rushed toward her howling with drug courage. The
leopard snatched one, her power slowed another but the third was not stopped. The knife
he carried reflected the sun and Melanie side stepped gracefully to strike the rushing man
as he passed, his momentum conveying him into her car. He bounced, slightly, before her
blow to his neck sent him falling unconscious onto the road.

Her absorption freed Vitek who fled into the house.

“Leave!” she commanded and the leopard obeyed, leaving the uninjured man to help his
sobbing and bloodied companion away.

Behind the house she heard shouting, and a car being driven away. Thurstan, Algar and
Vitek were gone, and as she stepped over bodies near the door, the house burst into
flames. She could almost hear Algar laughing.
 VIII

The coven was gathered, dressed in crimson robes, in the large Satanic Temple to give
honour to Melanie as Mistress of Earth. A man lay on the altar, naked, while a young
woman in white robes kissed his body in the light of the candles to the insistent beat of the
tabors.

A masked figure dressed in black came to lift the man from the altar and place him at the
feet of the green robed Mistress of Earth.

“What do you wish?” the Mistress asked.

“It is the protection and milk of your breasts that I seek”. The naked Priest reached up as
the Mistress bared her breasts, but she kicked him away with her foot.

“I pour my kisses at your feet and kneel before you who crushes your enemies and washes
in a basin full of their blood.” He stared at her body. “I lift up my eyes to gaze upon your
beauty of body: you who are the daughter and Gate to our Gods. I lift my voice to stand
before you, my sister, and offer myself so that my mage’s seed may feed your virgin flesh.”

“Kiss me,” she taunted, “and I will make you as an eagle to its prey. Touch me and I shall
make you as a strong sword that severs and stains my Earth with blood. Taste me and I
shall make you as a seed of corn, which grows toward the sun and never dies. Plough me
and plant me with your seed and I shall make you as a Gate that opens to our Gods!”

Slowly, she led him to the Priestess whom she kissed on the lips and caressed before
removing her white robe.

“Take her,” she said to the Priest, “for she is me and I am yours!”

Around them the coven gathered, clapping their hands to the rhythm of the tabors as the
ritual copulation began. And when it was over and the Priest lay sweating and still upon the
Priestess, the masked Guardian of the Temple came to lift him up and forced him to kneel
at the feet of his Mistress.

“So you have sown,” she said, “and from your seeding gifts may come if you are obedient
hear these words I speak. I know you, my children, you are dark and yet none of you is as
dark or as deadly as I. I know you and the thoughts within all your hearts: yet none of you is
as hateful or as loving as I. With a glance I can strike you dead!”

The Guardian brought her a large silver chalice, which she offered to her coven in turn. The
Priestess was the last to receive the gift of wine and the Mistress kissed her to receive the
wine from her mouth.

She threw the remains of the wine over the Priest, saying, “No guilt shall bind you, no
thought restrict you here! Feast and enjoy the ecstasy of this life. But ever remember, I am
the darkness that lives in your soul!”

She did not wait for the orgy of lust to begin, but left alone. No sounds of Satanic revelry
reached her as she sat in her own small Temple, waiting. But the crystal showed nothing.

For hours, Melanie sat still and alone. She did not think of the flames that only yesterday
had engulfed her and from which she had escaped unharmed, nor of Algar, fleeing now
from those who sought to collect the bounty she offered for his death. The ritual had bored
her, and she did not miss the pleasure that she had obtained in the past through having a
man grovelling while she whipped his naked flesh. Instead, she thought of Thurstan and his
strange life that she had seen in the crystal. There was a quality about this Thurstan that
both pleased and disturbed her, as if he was someone from a dream she had just awoke
from and could not quite remember. She wanted to forget the dream and concentrate on the
pleasures of her own world, but she was lonely. Thurstan’s intrusion into her planned and
orderly life, Lois’ sudden death, both combined to become a catalyst and change her
emotions. And it was her feelings of loneliness which surprised her. For years, she ruled her
coven and small empire through her magickal charisma, power and the fear she inspired.
She could be charming, subtle, scheming and brutal as the moment and the person
required, never losing her belief in herself and her Destiny. For a long time during the years
of her growing she had felt herself chosen and different from others. Gradually, awareness
of her Destiny came – as Mistress of Earth, ruler of covens, who would dare to return the
Dark Gods to Earth.

She still felt her Destiny – but it was the distant beat of her pulse in her ear, not the yearning
she now felt to share with someone a moment of life, like the strange moment she had
shared with Thurstan while they sat in the café and he, trembling, had first held her hand.
She had been playing a role, then, but somewhere and somehow the role had become real
to her and for an instant she had become the woman she was pretending to be – gentle,
sensitive and vulnerable. This woman had returned, unexpected, when she had held the
dead Lois in her arms. Her tears had been real tears of love and loss – but they did not last.
Now this woman sat in Melanie’s secret Temple, thinking of Thurstan and the moment they
had shared. This woman knew she was alone.

Then Melanie, in anger, walked slowly from her Temple, her eyes glowing, to seek the
comfort of her car. Her speed was an attempt to express her anger and she drove westward
along narrow lanes and wider roads for nearly an hour before returning east to stop near the
stone circle. The twilight of closing cloud and strong wind coloured the sky near the
descending sun, and Melanie stood in the circle’s centre calling on the storms to break.
Thunder cloud rushed toward her, killing the colour, as the wind graved strong and heavy
around. There was no thunder, only a sudden and prolonged burst of rain, which Melanie
laughing let soak through her thin dress to the warm flesh beneath. She became intoxicated
by the power of wind and rain, and danced around the circle calling on the names of her
gods. She was Baphomet – dark goddess who held the severed head of a man; she was
Aosoth – worker of passion and death. Circe – charmer of man; Darket – bride of Dagon.
She felt her crystal, many miles distant, begin to respond and draw power from the Abyss
beyond. The power came to her, slowly, through the gate in the fabric of space-time, a
chaos of energies from the dimensions of darkness. Her consciousness was beginning to
transcend to the acausal spaces where the Dark Gods waited and she sensed their longing
to return, to fill again the spaces of her causal time. They were there, chattering in lipsed
words she could not understand, roused from sleep by the power of her previous rites,
ready to seep past the gate to feast upon the blood of humans.

But they could not break through from beyond the stars. The two universes, rent together by
her will and crystal, were drifting apart again and she was left to walk along the track from
the stones while the wind lost its power and the clouds left with their rain.

She sat in her car for a long time, No power, not even a trace of power, had come down to
here over the abyss that divided the causal and the acausal realms of existence. No chaos
for her will to form and direct as it had many times before. Her magick was weakened. The
cause of her failure became clear to her slowly, like the low autumn mist of a valley
becomes cleared by the sun as it heats the cold air of morning. She was in love with
Thurstan, and her feelings of love had begun to brighten the darkness that was the source
of her power.

IX

“The Police have released the names and photographs of the two men they wish to
question in connection with the murders in Leeds…”
Vitek turned the radio off. Algar was beside him in the van they had stolen in Leeds, waiting
for the last glimmer of light to conduct the ritual, which he hoped, would free him from
Melanie’s curse.

“She arranged things well,” Vitek said while in the rear of the van Thurstan worked silently
to try and free his bound hands.

“Of course!” Algar shouted, “what did you expect? Her influential friends! When she is dead
they will be mine!”

“Must we…?” asked Vitek, indicating Thurstan.

“It is the only way. The force cannot be invoked without a sacrifice. Her power is weakening!
I sense it!”

The forest Algar had chosen lay in a small valley between the haunted rocks of the
Stiperstones and Squilver mound, and had in times past been used by the darker covens
which once had abounded in the area. He would invoke the Great Demon, Gaubni, through
sacrifice, and imbue himself with power before setting forth to kill Melanie herself. His ritual
would strip her of magick, her death would end her curse.

“Come, let us prepare,” he said.

Trees were creeking in the breeze and the smell of stinking fungi mingled with the damp the
heavy rain had brought as Algar walked carefully the path to the small clearing. Vitek
followed, stooping and afraid, listening to Algar mumble incantations. “Veni, omnipotens
aeterne diabolus! Agios O Gaubni…”

The incantation became louder until Algar was shouting the name. “Gaubni! Gaubni!” Then
a silence that startled Vitek. He could not see Algar’s face as he stopped and turned in the
clearing but he heard the hissing and saw the hands raised like claws. The long, bony
fingers grasped Vitek’s neck and the strength of the arms pushed Vitek to the ground. Algar
sat on Vitek’s chest, slobbering and laughing while his nails tore the flesh on Vitek’s face.
The spasm of struggle did not last long as the fingers snapped the neck.

Possessed, Algar loped awkwardly out of the wood. Thurstan sat hunched in the back of the
van and Algar stared at him, dribbling like an idiot while in the distance a dog howled.
Algar was struggling to control the chaos which had possessed him and direct it to bring
another death when he heard the voice behind him.

“Come to me, come to me!” the melodious voice said.

Algar turned to see the leering face of a multitude of witches. Then they vanished. But
another voice came from the trees behind him.

“You are my gift!”

He did not look, but the power of the demon he had invoked was sucked from within him to
form a hideous face whose rows of teeth gnashed before the mouth opened to spray Algar
with fetid breath. Then it was gone, sucked into the trees and down into Earth by the power
of the long-dead leering witches.

“You are my gift!” the voice repeated.

There was no longer any magick in Algar and he became just a man who was half-mad. His
madness made him move toward Thurstan, but the High Priest was afraid, and all he could
do was turn and watch as Vitek with a ruptured face and dead eyes walked toward him.

“You are his gift,” a chorus of voices behind him said.

Desperate, Algar performed a banished ritual, inscribing a pentagram in the air before him
with his hand, saying, “The sign of the Earth, protect! Agios O Shugara!”

The dead body of Vitek still came toward him. He invoked more gods, drew a pentagram,
called on the Prince he had followed in secret from youth, but Vitek moved ever nearer
while behind him the ghostly chorus laughed.

He tried a hexagram, but his gesture and words had no power and, in abject terror, he
began to pray fervently in Latin to the god he had scorned.
“In nominee Patris, et Filli, et Spritus Sancti. In nominee Jesu Christi….” he mumbled.

But Vitek did not stop – instead, the dead eyes swivelled down to stare at him and the
mouth opened in a leer. Algar fled, crazed and stumbling, along the track, over a fence and
field, to run up the side of the steep hill. He did not stop when he reached the summit, but
ran on down the steep bank and over another hill to drop exhausted into a ditch. Terror
brought recovery and he ran on for many miles over fields, fences and hills, his clothes and
flesh torn by stone, wire and thorn. And when he could run no longer, he crawled among the
heather that grew on the side of the Mynd, clawing his way to the slope’s summit. He rested
then, staring down into the silent blackness below, fearful and afraid of something following,
and praying praying for the light of dawn. He made a kind of cross from stems of heather
which he pulled with bleeding fingers from the ground. Around him, nothing stirred.

-------

Thurstan had freed his hands from the cord, which bound then when he saw Algar run
away. Cautiously, after unbinding his feet and removing the gag, he left the van.

Twilight had almost ended, but sufficient light remained for him to follow the path into the
woods. He walked for sometime but could find nothing and no one. The place seemed
peaceful and calm to him.

A large dog was sitting by the van when he returned. It did not bark, but sprang up to run for
a few yards along the track before stopping.

“Your guide!” a soft voice beside Thurstan said. When, he turned, he could see nothing.

There was no moon, only the lingering glow of the sun that was now below the horizon. The
clear sky soon showed the brighter stars and in the pleasant warmth of the early night
Thurstan followed his guide along the track to paths and narrow lanes that kept a southerly
course until he was led eastwards by the stream and up to where a large house lay
darkened and silent.

He knew why he followed the dog, as he knew whose house it was, but he still stood
nervously in the driveway. The evening was dark by the time he walked toward the house,
and as he did so a soft light shone through the half-opened door.

“Hello!” he called like a jester to a court of fools as he stepped onto the mosaic tiles of the
hall. He did not see the door behind him close.

Somewhere he could hear a harpsichord being played. He followed the sound, along the
hall and up the stairs whose walls were lined with paintings depicting lust, greed and joy, to
where a door was open. A voluptuous perfume reached out to him and he closed his eyes,
listening to the gentle music. It seemed a long time to him that he waited, listening and
trembling. But it was only a few heartbeats of his life that passed.

He took several steps into the candle-lit room. Melanie sat at her harpsichord in a long
flowing dress and looked up briefly before playing the fugue to its end.

The room was beautiful, graceful in its few furnishings, the music was beautiful, the light
itself was beautiful, casting subtle hues that only a painter, a musician or a poet might recall.
But most of all, to Thurstan, Melanie was beautiful. His senses, subdued by his captivity,
were overwhelmed and he began to cry, not loudly or for very long, but as a mystic or an
artist might cry when overwhelmed by such splendour.

She smiled at him again when her fingers ceased to work their magick upon the keyboard,
and held out her hand. He could see her breasts, uplifted and partly exposed by her dress,
rise and fall with the rhythm with her breathing: the way her amber necklace seemed to glow
a little in the light from the candles around her, and he walked forward, hardly able to
breathe.

But this was unreal to him, an idle dream, perhaps, of a hot insect-filled summer’s day as he
sat by the stream near his cottage. But their fingers touched, bringing reality. He felt shy and
foolish as she stood to face him, gently smiling. No words would reveal themselves into the
world through his mouth, and he embraced her, stroking her hair with his hand while she
moulded her body to his so he could feel the heat of her flesh through the thin dress.

Stretched were the moments of their embraced until she kissed him, pressing her tongue to
his lips in supplication. He let her in, smelled the fragrance of her breath and felt with his
hand the warmth of her breast and the erection of her nipple as her tongue sought his. He
did not see the door of the room close silently, nor the strange shadow that seemed to stand
beside it, but let himself be let to the circular bed in the adjoining, darkened room.

She was gentle with him as she removed his clothes and then her own, kissing his body as
he kissed hers in return. He tried to speak of his love and her beauty but she pressed a
slender finger to his lips as they lay naked together on the sensuous softness of the bed
while perfumed incense caressed them. He felt the softness of her breasts and kissed them
in worship as he kissed her lips, shoulders, face and thighs in worship before tasting her
moistness. She pulled him gently upon her, opening herself in invitation, and he did not
need his hand to guide him to her hidden cleft.

He moved slowly, and for a long time the gentle intimacy continued while the warm humid
night brought sweat to him and a gradual urgency to her until a frenzy of passion possessed
them both, rising to issue forth into loud ecstasy mutually achieved before the natural fall left
limbs loose and a pleasing exhaustion.

He slept then, although he did not wish to, holding her as if he feared she might go, softly
breathing the words of his love. He dreamed he was walking on a strange planet whose two
bright suns lit the purple sky. There was a city nearby, but it lay in ruins, and as he
approached over the warm sand, he could see the desolation of centuries. He wandered the
empty streets made of strange steel where above twisting walkways hung or soared to meet
the towering pyramids of buildings whose entrails of floor and room had been cut away
cleanly and left dangling from tendons of wire. He felt a sadness at the desolation, for the
world was abandoned and quite dead.

When he awoke from his dream, Melanie was gone.

Part of her wanted to kill him. His death would make her free again; restore to her the power
she had lost.

She sat in her Temple wondering what to do. The years of her life had been bereft of love
and only Lois had shown her kindness – unexpectedly, for kindness was something she had
never wanted nor sought. But she had been too proud, too confirmed in here role and quest
for power to let the kindness of Lois matter, and their relationship had become, for her at
least, a simple affair to satisfy her lust and turn her momentarily from the hatred she felt for
the many men who sold their souls and gave their wealth and power away to satisfy
themselves with her body.

For a year she had withheld her favours from all men, using her magick as a snare and a
weapon to keep her dominance and power. She let them lust, and satisfy themselves with
the whores she gave them. But she had enticed Thurstan, sending a wraith to guide him to
her house after she had found him through her crystal waiting bound in the van. Other
forces had gathered round, surprising her, but she had fought them and gained control,
moulding them to her will to bring the dead body of Vitek back and send Algar in terror to
the hills.

She had sensed the other powers were trying to help Thurstan and keep him from her for
some reason she did not understand, but she wanted him and would have her way.

Now, her crystal reached out to him upstairs where an elemental spirit, born from one of her
rituals, waited to work her will, hovering by the bed she had left. The spirit was guarding
him, shielding him from other powers, but she had only to transform her thought through the
crystal for the elemental to cause Thurstan’s death and break the heavy chains that now
seemed to bind her to his Earth.

But she did nothing. She was intrigued by the other powers she felt and by his crystal that
she had found. There was also, for her, a promise in the feelings she felt for him – there
seemed to be new pleasures awaiting, new experiences to enhance her life. She began to
think of what these might be – of what it would be like to talk with someone, just to be with
someone, who seemed to love her, not her power, wealth or influence. Someone whose
lust, though real and strong, was bound with sensitivity and who sought through it an
ecstasy of sharing beyond the physical; someone who gave, and did not just take. She had
captivated him at first, but not as she had expected: not as she had captivated all the merely
lustful men before him. He had seen beyond them to another world.

These thoughts pleased and disturbed her, but she sensed he had awoken from his dream
and waited, strangely tense, for him to find her. When he did, and stood in the doorway of
her Temple, she hid her feelings before trying to destroy them.

She did not succeed. The crystal began to glow, betraying her as it pulsed to the beat of her
heart. He walked past it, drew the glow onto his hand and offered it to her. She stared at
him as he stood before her smiling. Then, before she could open her hand to receive his
gift, the light in the Temple faded, and then was gone, leaving only the glow he held before
her.

A multitude of babbling, hissing voices broke the silence.

“He is ours!” one clear voice said.

“Ours!” a second and third repeated.

The powers she had felt before were stronger now and she strove to cast them away by
casting her thoughts into her crystal, but the glow on Thurstan’s hand dimmed, then died.

There was laughter in the Temple, the smell of rotting flesh as, slowly, a luminous shape
began to form in a corner. It began to resemble a bearded man with green skin who held in
his hands a crook and a whip, and from whose eyes fine filaments emerged to move toward
where Melanie sat. She knew they would form a web to imprison her. She formed her own
will into purple strands to form a wall before her but the filaments snaked easily around it
before writhing toward her. She cast an inverted seven-pointed star at them, but the star
shattered and was obliterated. Sweating from the effort, she held her hands outstretched
before her in readiness to absorb the power that came toward her, tensing her body to try to
cast it into her crystal and send it out into the acausal space where it would die.

She felt Thurstan beside her and the heat of his hand as he touched her shoulder. In the
instant of his touch the mocking laughter stopped. She did not know what was happening
but Thurstan’s face had become a dark void filled with stars, and she felt herself becoming
stronger. A chaos of energies rushed from the void to be transferred to her by Thurstan’s
touch, but the energies were not hostile and she shaped them by her will into an auric
demon before casting them at her foe. The demon greedily ate the filaments before
devouring the green bearded man. Then it too vanished, leaving Melanie and Thurstan
standing naked beside each other in the soft light of the perfumed Temple.

When she looked at Thurstan, she realized he was in a trance. She sat him down gently
and stroked his face until he awoke.

He was surprised to find himself in the Temple and embarrassed by his nakedness.

“Are you alright?” Melanie asked.

“Yes, thanks,” said Thurstan blushing and covering his genitals with his hands. “I must have
been dreaming!”

“What did you dream?”

“I was on this dead planet – in a city. Alone. Then I saw you. There was a shadow near you,
which I seemed to think was threatening you, so I came to you and held your hand. Strange
thought – I thought I woke up.”
There was no guile in Thurstan’s face as Melanie looked: and in that instant he seemed an
innocent child. He sought to hold her hand as if for reassurance and she did not refuse. She
looked at him, as he sat smiling and embarrassed, then at her crystal and then at Thurstan
again, realizing as she did so that in some way she did not yet understand Thurstan was a
gate to her gods, a medium, perhaps, that anyone might use. It was not the thought of using
him and his psychic gifts that made her kneel down beside him and kiss his lips, but a
strange desire to somehow share again the moment when he had first touched her hand
and trembled – to discover again the joy that his body had brought her, the feeling she had
felt when she had examined his face and found a curious trust.

He responded readily to her kiss and they made slow, tender love on the floor of her
Temple. Melanie was receptive to him through her burgeoning feelings of love, and felt
herself drawing power from him. She let this power build within her before trying to transfer it
by an act of will to her crystal but even she was surprised at the ease of this and the extent
of the power she had stored. The crystal began to glow, and in her orgasm she felt
possessed of the power of a goddess. But she did nothing with her new found power, and
let it rest safely in the crystal in her Temple before realizing, as Thurstan breathed in her ear
the works of his love, that it was her own feelings of love that were the key.

She lay for a long time while Thurstan caressed her and their sweat dried slow, wondering
about the meaning of this in the context of her Satanic life. But only vague feelings, need
and desires suffused her and she led him from her Temple in the quiet house to her own
bed. He was soon asleep, entwined around her warm body, while she inwardly watched the
shadows that gathered outside her house, held away by the power she had stored in her
crystal. They beat down, screaming, leering and threatening, upon the auric protective
sphere that enclosed her and her new lover, desiring her death or at least a chance to lead
Thurstan away. These shades of the dead and dying were like rain to her, and she listened,
safe and warm, while they beat noisily down.

In the morning, they were gone. But they had sucked her crystal dry. Melanie slept on, her
body pressed close to Thurstan’s, while in her garden Algar waited, ready to kill her with the
billhook he held in his hand.

XI

Ezra Pead lived surrounded by mould and mites. The mould rose up the feet of the furniture
in his small, dark cottage at the end of a muddy track between two high hills that shielded
him from most of the sun, while the mites could be seen scurrying away from anything he
touched.
The wood burning stove in his kitchen lay broken and unrepaired, letting damp seep up the
walls and wood lice to cover the floor, and he cooked his soups on a small gas-burning ring.
He was not an old man, but bore himself like one and dressed like a tramp, his beard
matted and long. The large sums of money his father had left him he left unused in a bank,
and he walked the three miles to the small town of Stretton once a week to withdraw the few
pounds he needed to keep himself alive.

Like his cottage, Ezra Pead was slowly falling into decay. His cottage smelled and was like
an overgrown, wild forest whose floor is alive and where green fungi crept slowly up trees
and where strangling ivy thickens and hardens as it grows round trunks, branches and
stems seeking the canopy of leaves. What falls to the ground is captured by the myriad
creatures who live mostly unseeing in the dampness, or covered by mould and by mites, or
stolen to be eaten or stored away by insects. The roof did not leak, but Ezra Pead would not
have cared if it did. He had plenty of buckets. He never opened the windows which were
covered by thickly spreading grime.

He spent his days reading the many books and manuscripts that surrounded him
everywhere in the chaos, or writing in one of the large vellum bound volumes that covered
one of his three scriptorium desks. Unlike his features or dwelling, his handwriting was
beautiful, and he used a quill pen and ink that he made himself.

All his books and all his writings were about alchemy or magick. When darkness came, he
would light a candle and retire to the room where he slept. There, where no windows
relieved the dampness of the walls and where only a rusting metal bed stood upon the floor,
he would cast his spells into the night. All his reading, spells and writing were directed
toward one end: to discover the secret of life and so make himself immortal. Every night he
invoked demons from the pages of the medieval Grimoires he possessed, for he had read
once and long ago when young that some of these demons knew the secret. So he invoked,
and questioned them, night after night and year after year. Baratchial, Zamradiel, Niantiel,
Belphegor, Lucifuge … he knew the legions of Hell well, and although the answers they
gave him he did not often understand, he wrote them all down in his book after the
conjuration was over and his ritual banishing complete. A demon named Shulgin he invoked
most of all using his ceremonial circle, names of power and sword – but the demon spoke
backwards in a numbered code and transcribing the messages took many hours of his day,
as breaking the original code had taken over a year of his life.

But the years of his work wore down his body, and he began to wish for a better means to
find the answers that he sought. He possessed an insane faith in demons he invoked, and it
did not seem to matter to him that most of the information he obtained was meaningless or
wrong. He checked and re-checked the answers, searching patiently among his books and
manuscripts. There were enough answers over the years, which could be corroborated with
the little he already knew or could find in his books to keep his faith in the quest, and it
never once occurred to him that this quest was destroying the life which he hoped to
prolong.

Sometimes, he would venture from his cottage in search of herbs to grind and make into
incense or oils to aid his invocations, talking to himself while he walked. All his original ideas
and expectations had been eroded over the years – there was no stone for him to make by
alchemical means, no potion for him to drink. He had tried both ways, led by manuscripts
and demons, but his alchemical apparatus lay dismantled in his shed together with the rare
juices of plants and bizarre ingredients he had used. His apparatus and ingredients had
come from a dealer only too eager to indulge his expensive needs, but the cost made little
difference in the money that he kept in the bank.

For almost a year, following the ten years of his alchemical work, an idea had come to
possess him. Something was happening that was threatening his quest. His demons were
becoming increasingly disturbed or disoriented. Sometimes his invocations did not succeed
– or he obtained a jumble of form as if someone or something was disrupting the energies.
He felt something himself – a force darker than the demons he knew. An ancient manuscript
have him the clue – the cosmic tides were changing, or rather being changed by someone.
The very balance of the hidden universe was threatened.

Minor ripples in these tides were no stranger to him, but these did nothing to change in any
significant way the current of Osirian energies that he worked with and which for centuries
had passed over the Earth, partly due to the rites of the Church of the Nazarene and those
who followed its faith, for they belonged to the same world as him. He was only part of its
darker side. He knew a change was coming, symbolized by the son of Osiris as a child, but
this was a natural progression that would not affect his own work or alter in any meaningful
manner the balances of power on the Earth, despite the rhetoric of some of its adherents.

But this new distortion was different. If it succeeded, it would bring a new Aeon, which had
no magickal Word to describe it – an Aeon of Chaos. He spent months searching his
manuscripts and books for answers. Parcels of books arrived regularly from his dealer –
they were read, then discarded, to suck more mould from the floor.

He began to realize that he was near the centre of the disruption, but the demons he
invoked to question were incoherent or would not appear. He needed the blood of
sacrifices. The dealer brought him a dog, which he kept chained outside. He began using
necromancy to bring him the spirits of the dead, sacrificing often by sending the dog out to
bring a victim back. Sheep were not a problem, for they roamed the hills around cottage,
and he would sever their necks letting the blood pour to his floor while he chanted his
invocations. And when it was over, he would burn the body in a pit outside while the spirits
he had raised gathered round.

He found his answers. He did not know the identity of the person who was trying to break
through the causal dimensions and draw to Earth the energies of Chaos, but he knew the
area from where the forces were being drawn down and sent his reluctant spirits to guard it.
His ancient manuscript told of dark entities that were waiting to be returned to Earth to drink
their fill of human blood. Atazoth, Dagon, Athushir, Darkat … such were some of their
names. Once summoned, they could not be returned. To be summoned they needed
human sacrifice of special kind.

His own work had wrought changes in the astral planes, drawing to his cottage another
Adept, and Ezra Pead did not like the man who arrived at his cottage. Jukes did not like
Ezra Pead either, nor the squalor he found. But a vision by his Priestess had brought him,
and her trance warnings made him stay, offering his help and that of his Temple of Ma’at, to
prevent the Dark Gods from returning.

“We have a common aim,” he said, and Pead, reluctant, had agreed. “They cannot be
allowed to break the Current of Aiwaz.”

Jukes, stocky and squat, sincerely believed what he said. For over a year he had run his
small Temple in London, helping by his acts of magick to further the Aeon of Ma’at. By day,
he worked in an office, but at night, in his basement flat, he became High Priest for his
gods. He had read widely on the subject of the Occult, made many contacts during the
years of his searching, but he was surprised by the books and manuscripts the Pead
possessed.

Avarice was a stranger to Jukes, but the rare books and manuscripts introduced them.

“They need a human sacrifice,” Pead said in his lisping voice.

“Can we prevent it?”

“If we knew who it was.”

“Your manuscripts – “
“They are silent.”

“May I?”

Pead smiled. “Study them here? Of course.”

For two days he studied, while at night, he stayed in a hotel in the nearby town, slightly
fearful of the obsessive Pead and the savage dog, which strained on its chain snarling every
time he entered and left. The filth and squalor oppressed him while he worked, as avarice
whispered cunning words in his ear, but he ignored them. On the third day he rose from the
stool by a scriptorium desk, triumphant.

“So they need a psychic, eh? Pead said.

“There is a ritual – the Ceremony of Recalling – to which he is brought. The sacrifice, and it
must be a man, is killed and the High Priestess washes in a basin full of his blood before
calling the Dark Gods back to Earth.”

“So, you found all of this there?”

Jukes held the vellum manuscript carefully. “Yes. The first few pages are a blind – and the
last few. Quotations from the Fathers of the Church. The real text begins here – “ He
pointed with his finger.

Pead shrugged. “I cannot read Coptic.”

Jukes spent a day copying the manuscript while Pead watched over him. He was glad to
leave and, returned to his flat, he burned all his clothes before scrubbing himself clean in
the bath. That night he summoned his Temple. The ritual began at the time he had agreed
with Pead. He did not know what ritual Pead himself would do, but he had his suspicions
and he did not want to ask.

Jukes’ Temple was the room where he lived, lit by candles and perfumed by thick incense
and his members sat on the floor touching hands. It was not long before his Priestess was
in a trance, guided by the sigil that Pead had inscribed on parchment. She spoke of being in
a forest where two men walked, leaving one who was bound. Of how spirits had gathered to
help her. “Above his eyes – the one who sits waiting and bound – there glows a tattvic sign.
He is the one we seek… but there are horrors of which I cannot speak! Another will
opposed with mine. Stronger – it casts me away and back…”

All night they tried, until, pale and exhausted, the Priestess slept, severing the astral link
that had bound her to Pead and his spirits of death. And in the morning while a few rays of
sun brightened for a few minutes the top of the basement window, she told of battles on the
night that had drained their power away to leave the one who was chosen in the sanctuary
of the Dark Gods’ Temple.

Jukes knew that where magick had failed, physical force might succeed.

“We must stop them!” he had said, his eyes bright with the fervour of his strange faith.

Outside a solitary bird sung, unheard amid the early traffic that chuntered along that narrow
London street.

XII

Melanie did not sleep for long. But there was no desire within her to rise and breakfast
before using her telephones and telex to establish the well being of her world. She had done
so for years, and it was a new experience for her to lie watching a man sleep in her bed.
The few who in previous times had been granted her favours for reasons of Satanic or
financial power, she had told to leave after the conquest of them was complete.

She watched until he awoke, roused by her gentle caress of his face. She left him them, to
dress and walk in her bare feet across the lawn of her walled garden. The sun was warm as
she walked, intrigued by her own feelings. There was a beauty about the world that she had
never seen before. She felt this beauty in the blue of the sky, in the delicate colours of the
flowers that bordered her lawn, in the sound of the wind as it rushed through the trees
nearby. It was the warmth of the sun, the dampness of the grass, the silence that
surrounded her. She understood that there were many worlds within the one on which she
lived, brought to reality perhaps by a mood or a circumstance.

This world of beauty was real to her in a way that brought unusual feelings to her, but the
world that she had left yesterday was still there – still full of the feelings she felt: contempt
for the members of her coven while she played her role as Mistress of Earth, hatred and
love of strife. Each year, each day of her life was a world into which she projected
meanings, interpretations and from which she sought to wrest for herself money and power.

There were worlds beyond – alien worlds, which she hoped to join with hers, bringing chaos
and much that was strange. But, for now, she found happiness in walking around her
garden in the warming sun and thinking about Thurstan. She wanted to make him her High
Priest, share her power and wealth with him and enjoy the pleasure that she felt such a
sharing would bring, ending the years of her loneliness

She did not see, nor even sense such was her preoccupation, Algar creeping toward her
and when she did her attempt to stop him by her magick power failed. She had no power.
This startled her, and she could only watch in silence as Algar, grinning like the madman he
had become, raised the billhook to slash at her throat.

She raised her arm to deflect the blow when Thurstan, sprinting across the lawn, jumped on
Algar, knocking both of them over. Algar was screaming, trying to slash at Thurstan but
Thurstan grappled and held his arm round Algar’s neck. They rolled over the dewy grass
until Algar’s body went limp.

“I’ve killed him! I’ve killed him!” Thurstan said.

Melanie’s inspection of the body was brief. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s go inside.”

“But I’ve killed him.”

The beauty she had felt was destroyed. “He deserved it.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Thurstan tried to explain. “The Police – “

Melanie smiled. “There is no need to involve them.”

“But I killed him.”

Melanie turned to face him. He was now quite calm, but perplexed. “There are some things
you should know about me.”
“All I know is that I love you.”

With his words and the look on his face part of the beauty returned. She had been
defenceless against Algar, and now she felt defenceless against Thurstan. She did not like
either of the forms this defencelessness took, and walked with Thurstan into her house to
arrange the removal and disposal of Algar’s body.

Thurstan followed her from room to room, listening amazed while she made her telephone
calls. And when they were done and they sat eating the breakfast he cooked, Melanie
explained about her life. Thurstan listened, intently and gently smiling.

“So now you know the person you think you are in love with.”

“Why did you tell me?”

“Because – “ She turned away, appalled at herself. “In your cottage I found a crystal
sphere.”

“I love you.”

Her feelings for Thurstan seemed to her to have stolen the personal power she had over
people, and she was uncertain as to whether she cared about this. “You are not appalled by
what I have told you?” she asked.

“No. Nor about the chap lying in your garden. He was going to harm you. I love you, so I
stopped him. Simple really. The Police would ask too many questions.” He shrugged.
“Considering what you have said, that is very understandable!”

“It will bind you to me.”

“Why do you think I have agreed?” he said directly.

“You are not afraid?”

“Of what?”

“That I might use this to control you?”

“No.”

“Even after what you know about me?”

No – because I sense you love me even though you are afraid to say the words.”

She did not answer, but stared out of the window. “They should be here soon – to dispose
of the body.”

“And then?”

“We shall go to your cottage.”

The two men who had taken Lois’ body arrived and Melanie talked to them briefly before
they went to carry the dead High Priest to the van. Thurstan was in her secret Temple when
she returned, having seen them depart.

“What do you feel?” she asked.

“About this crystal? That it shall take us to the stars!”

Intrigued, she asked, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Just a feeling. I remember you were a dream of my youth. Maybe I am your
Destiny as you are mine.

Melanie perceived forces gathering around them, as if a rent had appeared again but
without her will in the metric of causal space, such that acausal energies were surrounding
them. Then, suddenly, the Temple darkened while she stood breathless beside Thurstan
watching her crystal become filled with stars. She touched him then, drawing his hand into
hers, to feel the power tense her body as it would be tensed before an orgasm relaxed it.
But she did not feel the old intoxication of power, nor the sensuous bliss that her many and
varied pleasures had brought her over the years of her reign. Instead, there was the quiet
ecstasy of gentle and suffusing love coupled with an expectation, a promise of vistas yet to
be explored but waiting. But it was soon over, this tantalizing glimpse, as light returned to
her Temple, leaving only a dim glow to suffuse her crystal.

Her house, drained by the demon battles of the night, was alive again, and she let her own
spirit wander from room to room. The early oppression she had felt was gone, as if
somewhere and somehow a storm had broken.

A vague memory came to her, like details of a landscape seen through thin mist, and she
led Thurstan out of her house and into her car. She did not speak, and he did not as she
drove the narrow, hilly lanes, in the warmth of the early morning, that lead to his cottage.
The crystal was in its niche, where she had left it, and she took it down. She tried to read it,
as she had done before when it gave up its images to her mind, but it was empty.

“You seem surprised,” Thurstan said.

“Where did you obtain this?” she asked.

“An old man gave it to me.”

She sensed he was not lying, for she could almost see the image that formed in his mind as
he spoke the words. “Why?”

“A gift, he said. He was insistent. How could I refuse?”

“When was this?”

“Oh, not long ago. A few months. I forget exactly when. He came here to beg a little food. I
suppose he wanted to give something in return.”

“You do not know what this is?” she asked.

“A crystal ball? He might have been, once, a teller of fortunes.”

For a long time, Melanie had controlled her life, guiding herself toward the goals she sought.
She was always the Mistress, the Satanic queen who ruled, never possessed of fear. No
one she had ever met had disturbed her belief in herself or shown in any way an inner
power greater than her own. Satanist, criminal, businessman or people of wealth – she had
mastered them all through her wiles, will and beauty. She found their weakness, and used it
to her own advantage. Thurstan had disturbed her because he was so transparent – there
was nothing in him that was hidden, neither to her or himself. His feelings, thoughts and
pleasures seemed spontaneous and enthusiastic like those of a child. Yet he possessed a
fatalism that no child possessed or could possess: an inner belief in the necessity of
change, which far from negating his own life, seemed to enhance it by making each moment
of life unique.

But it was not Thurstan who disturbed her now. The control she had in life was ebbing
away. The loss of her personal power, evident in her failure to control Algar as he attacked,
was only a part of this. Events were happening to her, rather than being controlled by her,
and she did not like this. What she had seen in Thurstan’s crystal had sent her in pursuit to
Leeds, drawing outward her burgeoning feelings of love. Something had and was
happening to her because of Thurstan, and she began to believe because of his crystal that
forces she did not understand or even know about were trying in some way to manipulate
her.

It was simpler for her to believe that her love for Thurstan was changing her life, and she
tried to believe this. But a suspicion remained.

“You are a strange man,” she said to Thurstan as she gave him the crystal.

“Not really. I live – or did live – a quite simple and somewhat boring life.”

“You know nothing about this crystal – or my own?”

“No. Only what I feel.”

“And what do you feel now?”

“That there are forces trying to keep us together – and other forces that are trying to break
us apart.”

“And you are not afraid of where we might be going?”

“All I know is that I love you and want to be with you!

He embraced her then, kissing her, and she did not push him away. She felt again, as they
stood in the room of his cottage, swaying slightly in their embrace, that with him and through
him she possessed a greater, if different, power that made her own past and even her
dreams, seem tawdry.

“There is a gathering tonight,” she said, “which I would like you to come to.”

“Oh? What?”

“Just a simple ritual called the Ceremony of Recalling.”

“To what purpose?”

She walked away from him to watch a few ragged cumulus clouds straggle from the horizon
toward the sun that rainbowed in places the old, worn glass of the window. “To draw down
to Earth a certain power.”

“Why?” he asked in innocence.

“To bring change.”

“Why?”

“To hasten our evolution.”

“Toward what?”
“A higher consciousness,” she said, a little exasperated.

“Such is the aim of the covens that you rule?”

“Not really. They are a means to provide me with things.”

“Enjoyment? Pleasure? Power?”

“Yes!”

Urwroth showed in her eyes but she quickly controlled her feelings.

“Come,” he said smiling and taking her hand, “I would like to show you something.”

His cottage lay in a fold of small hills between the steep slopes of bare Caer Caradoc and
the road, which rose from the Stretton valley to track eastwards through field and village
toward the wooded ridge of Wenlock Edge. All around, springs began small brooks among
the slopes where sheep mostly grazed and few trees grew, and Thurstan took a path to one
of these. Yards from where the water issued forth as a trickle, a small pool had formed on a
slight piece of level ground, and Thurstan knelt beside it while Melanie stood, bemused,
watching and listening to a kestrel as it flew between the bare hills that made a little valley
for the brook. The kestrel flew toward her, circling three times overhead before calling its
woeful call and flying away.

“Look!” Thurstan said, rising and showing her the palm of his hand.

On it, no larger than the nail of his thumb, sat a frog. “Isn’t it wonderful?” he said
enthusiastically.

Melanie looked at it but without much interest.

“I come here often,” Thurstan said as he placed the frog in the water. “Every time it is
different. In one day the light may change so much. In March the frogs come. Last year
there was thick snow, but they still came. There is always change – even in this little spot –
as the seasons change. Snow, ice, frost, mud, scorching sun that bleeds the green from the
grass and brittles the fern. At night – perhaps a moon or only the stars, which change too.
No day in its weather and light is ever the same as any other day.”

He stood up to stand beside her. “And I do nothing. Yet everything changes. Even I change,
a little with the passing of each year. There,” he pointed, “miles away is a road where fast
cars carry people. They seldom see the change around them, only that which lives in their
head. A few miles - and another world where those small specimens of life,” he gestured
toward the frog, “are never seen and become squashed without thought.

“You are beautiful – slightly wild, perhaps, like that kestrel which flew overhead – and your
world is strange to me. These hills, that cottage, the farm over there where I work, are my
world. There is so much in so little – so much beauty to share. I make love with you – kill
someone to protect you – and our two worlds join, for a little while. But they are still two
worlds. You want me to step into yours as I wish you to enter mine. The change you seek to
bring may destroy my world – and I not ready for that.”

Melanie had felt the warmth in Thurstan as he talked.

It was a strange warmth to her, a kind of supra-personal love which she did not understand
and which she could not relate to the pleasures of her own life or the goals that she had
sought. Yet she liked being beside him as he talked, watching his face and eyes. He could
have crushed the frog in his hand as she might have done in her youth or as she had
crushed people that opposed her – but he did not seek to mould it or destroy it according to
his will. He accepted it as it was at that moment in Earth’s history.

“I have seen in you,” Thurstan was saying, “the same beauty I see in this small piece of
land, as if you were natural to it in a way I cannot describe. More natural, more real and
living than most other people. Yet the world in which you live and have lived and in which
you possess power, is not where you should be. I fear it will destroy you, and I don’t want
that.”

“I know no other world.”

“But you have begun to discover mine. I touch you, hold you, make love to you.”

His world possessed a fascination for Melanie, as if he had divined what she had felt and as
she stood beside him she was no longer a Satanic queen, ruler of a coven of fifty, but a
woman in love.
“I would like you to share my world as well,” she said.

Thurstan smiled. “Then I shall come to your ritual.”

The kestrel returned to swoop down toward them before veering away, calling, as it flew
toward the sun.

XIII

The wood where Algar had been buried was not silent for long. The sun had set, leaving a
nebulous light, when the sibulation began, muffled by earth. Algar had awoken in his grave.

The Priestess screamed, and fell unconscious into the circle of worshippers in Jukes’
Temple. Jukes held her, and she awoke to wail before crying in terror at the vision she had
seen. She could not speak aloud but described the horror in a slow sobbing whisper.

It did not take them long to prepare and they left London, in three cars as the sky darkness
became complete, to travel toward the hills of Shropshire and the house the Priestess had
described before the horror had ended her trance. The eight were silent and subdued in
spirit during the hours of their journey, nervous when they left the warmth of the cars parked
on the verge of a narrow lane almost a mile from Melanie’s house. Around them and dark,
the countryside was silent and still.

Jukes led them, walking slowly and beginning to doubt. With every step he seemed to
become more tired. He stopped before the driveway of the house, listening, while the
Priestess, shaking and sweating, held his hand.

“It will be soon,” she whispered, touching the silver scarab she wore as an amulet around
her neck.

The driveway was full of cars, and a warm glow of light spread around the house. Jukes
thought he could hear the beat of drums. His Priestess sensed it first, and turned toward the
blackness beyond the hedge where they stood, huddled together in the increasing cold.
There was a rustling in the field beyond, the sound of wood being broken sharply by force.
Algar smashed the gate apart with his torn and bloodied hands and came toward them.
Only Jukes and his Priestess did not flee at the harrowing sight, but hid, pressing
themselves into the thorns and leaves of the hedge. They were not seen, and watched,
trembling and afraid, as Algar walked lumbering like the living dead he was toward the
house.

XIV

Thurstan waited in her secret Temple, feeling embarrassed by the luxurious crimson robe
he wore. He could not hear them, but knew that many of Melanie’s members had arrived
and were preparing for the ritual.

She prepared him well, returning him to her house in her car whose telephone she used to
summon her willing servants. He had bathed, been massaged, his body relaxed by the
gentle hands of a pretty woman who caressed perfumed oils into his skin; been served food,
manicured, his hair attended to. Dressed in silken clothes. No one had spoken to him, but
he was treated with deference, and by the end of the afternoon had begun to appreciate in a
way that was not real to him before, Melanie’s power. When she finally came to him,
hauntingly beautiful like an ancient queen, part of him had already begun to accept her
world and enjoy it. She was corrupting him with luxury and he knew it.

Melanie, in a green robe almost transparent and which emphasized the contours of her
body, came to guide him to where her Satanic worshippers were gathered. The large
Temple was lit only by candles and a naked woman lay on the altar beside which a young
girl dressed in white with a garland of flowers in her hair swung a thurible. Somewhere,
among the shadows, hooded red-robed figures beat their shaman drums.

“Hail to he who comes in the name of our gods!” the worshippers chanted as a greeting for
Thurstan.

Two men with the physique of wrestlers whose faces were covered by black masks and who
wore very little, closed the doors of the Temple as Thurstan followed Melanie to the altar.
Melanie kissed the temples, lips, breasts, womb and pubic hair or the altar Priestess before
kissing Thurstan who turned to receive a kiss from all of the congregation.

“Now shall we,” Melanie chanted, “with feet

Faster than storm’s horses

Seek to bring she who with fire

And cutting sword leaps plunging

Upon her foe while the fates of dread

Unerring gather round!”

“Agios O Baphomet!” came the shouted response.

“See!” Melanie pointed at Thurstan, before twirling round, building her feelings into a temple
to frenzy while the congregation sighed and the beat of the drums sounded loud,

“Here is he

Who shall this night

Be her consort and pour forth

As libation his seed of life!

Dance – I command you

And with the beating of your feet

Raise the dead!

I shall take him down into Earth

And let her with her teeth

Suck him dry!

Dance! – I command you!

And I, Mistress of this Earth

Shall raise him up and feed him

With the fragrance between my thighs!

So shall he unlamenting

Become the Gate that opens

To our gods!”

The congregation began to dance, slowly at first, chanting loudly as they did so. Melanie
stood in the centre of the circle they were tracing with their bare feet, raising her arms as the
power was invoked. The chant of Ba-pho-met pulsed to the beat of the drums as the
dancers danced faster and faster, throwing off their robes as quietly the altar-Priestess
arose to climb down from her altar.

Her eyes were closed, but she walked within the circle of the enclosing dancers toward
Thurstan. She embraced him, lightly, before pulling his robe open and revealing his
nakedness. The she kissed his lips and opened her eyes.

Her eyes did not seem human to Thurstan, but he was not afraid. The young woman with
the slender body had become Melanie – the power with Melanie and the greater power
beyond her. She was lover, mistress, wife, mother, daughter and sister – goddess and
demoness, and Thurstan let himself be pulled to the floor of the Temple. He had no will to
resist as he looked into her eyes. She was not gentle with him, but tore off his robe before
wrapping her legs around him and digging her nails into his back. There was pain, but it
seemed to enhance the delight that came to him. The drumbeats, the chanting, the naked
whirling dancers, the incense, the writhing woman beneath him – all ravished his senses.
The pain brought frenzied desire, and sweat soon bathed their naked bodies. Then she was
screaming in ecstasy as he was while around them the dancers stopped to turn inward,
clapping their hands as they watched and shouted the name of their goddess. And when it
was over and Thurstan lay breathless upon the relaxing body, the two men by the door
came to lift him and place his still naked upon the altar.

The worshippers formed an aisle to the altar down which Melanie came to kiss Thurstan
and rekindle his fire with her lips. It did not take her long to succeed and she leaned over
Thurstan’s face to brush his lips with hers before whispering as her eyes became the eyes
of the altar-Priestess: “Now you are mine forever!”

She signalled with her hand, and her dancers moved slowly in a circle around her and her
altar, calling down with a dirgeful but powerful chant the Dark Gods beyond the Gate that
was Earth.

“Nythra Kthunae Atazoth!” they chanted.

Melanie did not remove her robe, only lifted it as she lowered herself upon him. The beat of
the drums had slowed to match the slowness of the chant, and she moved upon him slowly.
Somewhere, in the Temple, two cantors began to chant, a fifth apart, above the chanting
drone of the slow circling dancers.

“Agios Rotanev”, sang the cantors, their powerful, clear voices making the complicated
plainchant flow like a high crested wave toward shore, rising, falling slowly with grace but
always moving on.

The slow moving organum of the cantors, the chant of the slow moving dancers who had
linked hands, the energy brought by sexual frenzy, the shamans drums and wild dance, all
conspired to push open the Gates to the Abyss. The slowness was a counter-part to the
earlier frenzy, and Melanie used it to gather the energies to herself. She showed no outward
sign of the ecstasy within and was smiling as she transferred the energy to her crystal while
Thurstan’s body spasmed and then relaxed. She kissed him before climbing down from the
altar.

She signalled the dancers to stop and gather round her in preparation for the climax of the
rite when she would release the stored energy to bring her Dark Gods to Earth. They would
still their minds, as she had shown them, to become parts of a mirror that would focus the
energy.

But the doors of the Temple burst open. No one screamed as Algar stood, hideous, in the
light of the candles, but they seemed to gather closer to Melanie. The two men by the door
moved upon him but he easily knocked them to the side and they fell away unconscious. He
was snarling, staring at Melanie as he walked toward her in silence. She did not move
except to hold up her hand to restrain Thurstan who had risen to stand beside her. Then
she smiled.

Algar stopped, his body twisting forward as if he wanted to move but could not. Melanie
raised her hand toward him and he fell upon his knees, oozing blood as his already torn
flesh, festering, split further. She raised her hand again, and he screamed as if tortured,
before crawling face down on the floor. She dropped her hand, and his screaming stopped.
He looked up at her then, not as a madman and not as one of the possessed that had
returned, briefly, to life. Instead, his look was that of a mute child who could not bear the
pain that it felt. But Melanie raised her hand again and the spectre that had once been Algar
lowered its head and died.
 XV

“Join us!” Melanie said as she stepped past the body.

Jukes and his Priestess stood in her hall, awed by what they had seen. They had followed
Algar, and were still trembling.

“Come to me!” said Melanie softly.

Jukes stared at the floor while the Priestess looked upon Melanie’s face. She was smiling,
her dread gone, as she walked forward to kneel at Melanie’s feet.

“No!” shouted Jukes. He tried to move toward her, but could not.

Gently Melanie raised the Priestess to her feet and kissed her on the lips. The Priestess
understood her thought and went to touch the masked Guardians who lay unconscious in
the Temple. They awoke and followed her to stand on either side of Melanie.

“Will you be mine,” Melanie said to Jukes, “as she is?”

“Never!”

“Then I shall make you mine!”

She was about to raise her hand to force his head up so she could see into his eyes when
she saw an old man dressed like a peddler walk through the open door of her house.

“He is mine, I believe,” he said as he tapped Jukes on the shoulder to free him from the
bonds Melanie had placed around him. “He is no use to you. But if you object –“

There was great magickal power in the old man, hidden even in his eyes, but Melanie
perceived it.
“Who are you?” she asked.

He bowed deeply, like a jester. “I am Saer.”

“Saer?”

He looked around the hall and peered briefly into the Temple. “You have made great
changes, I see.” Then smiling, be bowed again before escorting Jukes away.

She let him go. “Feast! Rejoice!” she said, turning to greet her coven and they felt
happiness spread among them as the drums began to beat again.

She detailed her Guardians to carry the body and let them into her secret Temple where
they threw it into the pit beneath the plinth that held her crystal. There was laughter and lust
among the worshippers when she returned, servants carrying trays of food and chalices of
wine. She thanked her Guardians, bid them join the feast, and watched Thurstan as he
stood, covered by the robe he had discarded, beside the Priestess from Jukes’ Temple. She
did not mind the hidden desire between them and went to walk alone in the hazy darkness
of the garden.

Forces opposed to her own were present, returned from the night before and sent forth
against her by the shedding of blood, but they did not affect her or the guests in her house,
kept away by the power in her crystal, and she walked slowly in her bare feet over the
cooling grass, idly looking up toward the stars.

It was not long before Thurstan joined her. He was followed by Jukes’ Priestess.

You knew, didn’t you?” Thurstan said, a little shyly. He too had been awed.

“That it was Saer who gave you the crystal? Yes, I knew it as soon as I saw him.”

“Then you know who he is?”

“Perhaps!” she laughed. “What is your name? She asked the Priestess.
“Claudia.”

“Yes – it suits you. I shall not change it. Do you wish to stay with me, Claudia?”

“Oh, yes!”

“You are free to go.”

“I don’t want to go.” She looked down at the ground. “Not now I have found you.”

“I shall never harm you – unless you turn against me.” She took Claudia’s hand and held it
to her own breast. “You are mine now and I shall always protect you. As a sign of my trust I
shall give you a gift.” She placed Claudia’s hand in Thurstan’s, kissed them both and left
them standing together in the mild night air.

They were still standing in her garden holding hands when she looked upon them from a
high window in the house. She knew Thurstan did not know what to do and Claudia was too
shy to initiate anything. Melanie wanted, through the ritual and her gift of him to Claudia, to
draw out Thurstan’s darker self, and as she watched while a bright large moon began to rise
quickly above the distant hills and an owl screeched nearby, she felt she had found the
means to achieve her goals.

The ritual had returned both her power and her role. She was stronger that she ever had
been and, with Thurstan as her willing High Priest, she would make herself stronger still by
uniting his world with hers. Together, they might wander among the stars. The prospect
excited her, as her desire to watch Thurstan and Claudia have sexual intercourse excited
her, and she remembered words from the Black Book of the witch queen before her: ‘The
secret of the Moira who lies beyond our Grade of Mistress of Earth, is a simple unity of two
common things. This unity is greater than but built upon the double pelican being inward yet
like the stage of Sol, outward though in a lesser degree. Here is the living water, azoth,
which falls upon Earth nurturing it, and from which the seed flowers brighter than the sun.
The flower, properly prepared, splits the Heavens – it is the great elixir which comes from
this which when taken into the body dissolves both Sol and Luna. Whoever takes of this
elixir will live immortal among the stars.’

Melanie believed that she had found the secret, brought forth from within her by her feelings
for Thurstan and the power of ritual. She was preparing Thurstan – for first she had to return
the Dark Gods to Earth.
Excited, she saw Thurstan briefly kiss Claudia before leading her toward the house, and she
retreated to her room to follow them on her monitor. They seemed uncertain what to do as
they stood in the hall, but the naked worshippers who rushed past them to run up the stairs
gave them their clue. Suitable rooms lay open and waiting on the first floor of the house, as
they always did. No one ever dared violate the floor above, reserved for Melanie and her
special guests, and Thurstan did not as he slowly led Claudia to an empty room.

Nothing in the house was hidden from the surveillance system but Melanie did not often use
it as she used it now to watch and listen to Thurstan and Claudia, for there were a multitude
of pleasures that gave her satisfaction. In her desire to make Thurstan part of her world she
pressed a switch to record images and sounds in the room on the floor below.

Melanie became aroused by watching them. Thurstan undressed Claudia slowly and as her
naked body appeared, Melanie realized she desired it also. Claudia responded to
Thurstan’s kisses by pulling him down with her onto the softness of the low bed in the
luxurious room and it was not long before Thurstan’s tentative slowness of delight gave way
to sexual frenzy. But this was not prolonged and there was no scream, nor even sigh of
ecstasy from Claudia – only Thurstan’s groan as he slumped fulfilled upon her voluptuous
body.

This pleased Melanie and she lay listening to them talk.

“Who is she?” Claudia asked.

“You don’t know?” an exhausted Thurstan said.

“I saw her in a vision – in this house. We came to stop her.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I couldn’t. When I came near to her I felt – “

Thurstan smiled. “An overpowering love?”

“Maybe,” she said and blushed. “And you?”

“She is the most remarkable woman I have ever met.”

“You serve her then? I mean as High Priest?”

Thurstan laughed. “I know little of her world. I only met her a few days ago.”

Claudia was surprised. “But are you an Initiate?”

“Of what?”

“Her Temple.”

“Not as far as I know. She told me she was involved in something – “

“Satanism?”

“Yes. But I assumed it was some kind of game. You know what I mean? Then,” he sighed,
“this ritual. There is real power in her, real magick. She casts a spell with just a look.”

“You love her then?”

“Yes. Because, I suppose, like you I am sensitive to things and people. When I saw you I
felt a warmth in me, a happiness. I don’t normally do this sort of thing.”

“What?”

“Leap into bed with women I have only just met.”

“Neither do I! I think she overwhelmed us both.”

“Do you mind?” asked Thurstan softly.

“No,” she whispered. “I feel I have found what I have always been seeking – here in this
house. It is exciting and yet I feel protected. Before I came I assumed it was evil in some
way – that she was evil and must be stopped. But now –“

“Stopped from what?”

“Changing the cosmic tides that wash upon the Earth and give to people a certain energy.”

“I understand nothing of such things.”

“I saw that man – in his grave.”

“The one who died?”

“Yes. He was her High Priest wasn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“I assumed you had taken his place,” she gestured to his robe, discarded on the floor.

“I know little of her beliefs.”

“It is a new beginning, then, for us both.”

“Perhaps we can learn things – together?”

“I sense that is what she wishes.”

“And the man you came with?”

“High Priest of my Temple in London.” She laughed. “I suppose he will be thinking I have
been abducted against my will and forced to indulge in hideous Satanic rites! Or be offered
as a sacrifice to Satan.”

“You are not afraid that you will be?”

“No – as I’m sure you feel. I know nothing about her except what I feel, and I feel she will
not harm me. Quite the reverse, in fact.”

Thurstan leaned on his elbow to look at her. “It may seem like a trite thing to say, but you
are not like a stranger to me.”

She touched his face with her hand. “I know what you mean. She is not a stranger to me
either.”

“What shall we do?”

“Apart from the obvious, you mean?” They both laughed. “Wait, I suppose for her to tell us.”

“It could be an enjoyable wait.”

“I hope so.”

Melanie had seen and heard enough. It did not take her long to reach their room and she
stood in the doorway while they sat up from the bed, nervously smiling.

She gave Thurstan his robe. “Leave us,” she said to him.

He left, obedient to her word, and she closed and locked the door before sitting beside
Claudia on the bed.

“You are beautiful,” she said, caressing Claudia’s neck.

Her soft kiss was returned, shyly, and she took off her robe before drawing Claudia toward
her in an embrace.

“I have never done this before,” Claudia whispered.

Melanie kissed her neck and breasts. “Do you want to?” she asked gently.

“Oh, yes.”

The tender caresses, the perfumed softness of Melanie’s body, the slow intimate kisses and
movements, her own feelings of warmth, the sensuous pleasure that Melanie brought to her
gently through touch and tongue, all combined to stimulate Claudia to an ecstasy both
physical and emotional and of a kind she had never experienced before.

She lay beside Melanie, embracing her and softly crying, drawing comfort from the strange
woman who kissed away the tears, feeling in that moment that all the confusion, doubts and
sorrow that her sensitivity had brought her over the years, was no more. Her past, with its
broken relationships its traumas and dreams, was forgotten. Her future was unreal – only
the present was meaningful to her. She sensed forces outside the house that wish to harm
the woman who kissed her and whose body heat reassured, but she was protected for the
moment from those forces as Claudia felt protected. The harmful forces, which were waiting
for weakness, drew more emotion from Claudia until she felt a genuine love.

Jukes had stolen her love when they first met and through him she had learned to use her
powerful psychic gifts. But his passion for her had just been a passion, fleeting like the
brightness of a meteor in the sky of night, and she had learned to live again and alone with
her dreams while he filled and emptied his bed with the women in the Temple in the name
of the magick he invoked. Her gifts brought empathy and vision, but never the love she
needed.

Melanie to her, in that moment, became all her dreams and it did not matter to her then that
she gave her love to another woman. It felt natural to her – as it had seemed natural when
she and Thurstan had made love, and she understood, as she lay warm and relaxed, that
she had given her body to him because it was what Melanie had wanted.

To Melanie, she had given her body also, but now she gave up her soul as well.
“I think I love you,” she said, and Melanie, in the humid room, felt a confusion of love that
she did not need nor desire grow within her heart.

XVI

Thrust forth from the room, Thurstan wandered around the house. The Temple was full of
naked bodies and the incense of sex, and when he tried the door that he knew led to the
crystal, it would not open.

Other doors were locked to him as to other worshippers, and the one that did open led him
to a library. He heard the door closing behind him, but it did not open when he tried the
handle and he contented himself with trying to see out of the window. He could see nothing,
for the outside shutters had been closed. The room was large, with a high ceiling and books
rose in shelves on all the walls, darkly lit. A chair stood waiting beside a table whereon a
single book lay open. ‘The Book of Wyrd’, the gilt spine read.

She planned this, he thought to himself and sat down to read.

“Satanism is the philosophy of the noble and strong. It is the antithesis of the religion
of Yeshua, that worship of decaying fish. To the cowards and the followers of the
Nazarene belong the meekness of the weak, the rapid utterances about pity and the
vileness of the bully. Above all, Satanism is the enjoyment of this life.

The most fundamental principle of Satanism is that we as individuals are gods. The
goal of Satanism is simple – to make an individual an Immortal, to produce a new
species. To Satanists, magick is a means, a path, to this goal. We walk toward the
Abyss and dare to pass through to the cold spaces beyond where CHAOS reigns.
There is ecstasy in us – and much that is strange. Vitality, health, laughter and
defiance – we challenge everything, and the greatest challenge is ourselves.”

There was music filling the room as he read. He knew it was real even if he could not see its
source, but it was faint – an unearthly sound that he found beautiful and brought a vision of
stars and a remembrance of his strange dream after he had first made love to Melanie. His
body tensed as he listened, carried to another plane of existence, and he experienced in
that moment, a possession of feeling surpassing the ecstasy of physical passion. Then,
there was no room, only a rushing of stars, the exhilaration of phenomenal speed and then
a silent slowing that brought him to the planet of his dreams. The music was a slow chant of
words he did not understand combined with sounds from instruments he had never heard
before, and it expressed the desolation of the dead planet as well as his longing for Melanie
– and Claudia.

Then the vision and the music ended and he was simply sitting alone in a library staring
down at a book. He tried, but could not recapture what he had seen and heard and he felt a
longing that strained his breathing and brought tears to his eyes. Melanie was the woman
he had always sought to bring meaning into his life, the reality behind his insight of days
before when he had stood by the stream near his cottage and made his divinity a goddess.
Her power, charisma and promise made his own life and expectations seem dull, as his
vision made the world around him seem unreal and ponderous.

He experienced a sudden need to express his feeling through the frenzy of his body and
was not surprised to find the door unlocked. He began to understand the house itself was
alive, an extension of Melanie’s will, and he let it guide him. Lights brightened to show him
the way, or dimmed when he went wrong. He was led to a room where all that he needed,
and more, lay waiting. He dressed quickly, his heart beating fast and ran along the corridor
and down the stairs to leave the house.

He was not alone. Something was with him as he ran along the driveway in the cooling air
under the stars with the light of the moon to guide him. He sensed the presence as he
sensed that it was protective of him, and he ran fastly down the narrow lane allowing the
freedom of physical exertion to suffuse his body. His running brought some of the vision
back to him and he left the road to follow a track that led alongside the slopes of the Long
Mynd. He was soon tired and breathing heavily but he ran on to become a little detached
from his body, defying it. He ran for miles before turning and running only a little slower back
to the house, suffused with a desire to learn, to be master and equal of Melanie. Her world
had become real for him, and he did not want to leave it.

The house seemed to welcome him on his return. There were no cars in the driveway, for all
the worshippers had gone, and he followed the lights to a bathroom where he soaked
himself for a longtime in a deep bath, pleased and expectant. His love for Melanie, his hope
of their affinity, the passion they had already shared, the ritual, her sharing of him with
Claudia, even the killing he thought he had done for her - all had liberated him, releasing the
inner energies that his normal life had kept under control. He felt there was no challenge
that he could not overcome, nothing that he would not do. Life was before him – a large
canvas on which he would paint a masterpiece. He wanted to make his own life a work of
Art.

Satan was the name he have to the energy that made both his body and his mind vivid with
life, he dried himself vigorously, covered himself with the silk robe that hung from a hook on
the door and let the lights guide him to Melanie’s room.
The door opened for him and we walked over the soft carpet in the azure light to find
Melanie was not alone and the door closing behind him. Claudia was beside her in the bed,
asleep. He was not shocked by this, only momentarily confused. They were both naked.

“Come”, his Mistress said, “sit beside me.” And he obeyed.

She kissed him, before stroking Claudia’s hair. “She is lovely, isn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“Can you share me?”

The directness of the question startled him. “I think so.”

“Come then and take off your robe.”

He obeyed, and lay beside her. She was pleased with his arousal, and the reasons behind
it, but she teased him saying, “Trying for four in a row, then?”

“I’m sorry – I didn’t – “

“Don’t be sorry, my darling.”

The endearment made him happy, lessening the awe he felt and which came upon him as
soon as he had entered her room.

“You are pleased with things?”

Their bodies were touching as they lay together and he felt his awe ebbing away. “I want to
learn. Share your world with you.”

“It is good that you inner strength returns. I want us to share.”

“But I feel a little lost sometimes.”

“Because of what I own?”

“Partly. But also –“

“Do not say anymore.” She pressed her finger to his lips “I shall tell you something. You
have made me realize how lonely I was. How much I need love.” She laughed, self-
mockingly. “I, with all that I have, all the power you have seen, need you. I am human after
all, even though I don’t want to be.”

Thurstan kissed her, and Melanie felt like crying. But she mastered her feelings. Thurstan
had changed, as she had hoped and planned he would, but she herself was changing.
Never before had she displayed her feeling and she felt vulnerable. She knew Thurstan
sensed this, as Claudia had when they walked hand in her hand to her room. She was not
afraid of them, only herself, and when Thurstan spoke she was composed.

“And Claudia?” he asked gently.

“I need you both, it seems.”

“You have enough love to give.”

“You must be tired – after all of your exertions!”

“I am.”

She kissed his eyelids and he smiled, languid, before relaxing into sleep. She watched him
for some time. Her feelings of love, born by Thurstan and suckled by Claudia, now
enhanced her power and did not destroy it, and she drew down energies while her lovers
slept beside her, storing them in her crystal below. Words from the Black Book kept
returning to her. She had never understood them before, knowing only that they described
the process of change necessary before a Magus or a Mousa was born in the coldness that
lay beyond the Abyss where Satan reigned. She did not know what awaited for her and in
her if this change was successful, for all her books were silent about it and there was no
one whom she could ask. She had believed with a certainty that her own power had
confirmed, that no one living in her time had passed that way toward the final stage of the
seven that marked the Satanic path.

This belief, however, troubled her now more than the changes within her wrought by love –
more than the duality that love has assumed in the past hours of her life. More even than
the persistent hostile forced which still surrounded her house and came with the night like
hail. She was troubled by Saer, and tried to cast an image of him into her crystal, but some
barrier beyond her own power to breach prevented her, and she lay awake between her two
lovers pondering instead the patterns which the Dark Gods might assume when, tomorrow
as she had planned, they would be returned finally to spread their chaos upon Earth.

Only Saer, she felt, might prevent her - and if he tried, she would have the power of two
lovers to help her.

XVII

The old man who had rescued him from the Satanists left Jukes as he had arrived – without
greeting or explanation – and Jukes walked toward the cars and the shivering members of
his Temple who had fled from Algar.

He did not speak to them and they asked no questions of him, and they sat huddled
together while the moon rose and their sense of reality returned. Then, in whispered words
Jukes told his tale and how he wished them to join him in the battle that was to come when,
with Pead, they would conjure from the Abyss a destructive force to send against the witch
queen and her house.

They gave their assent, and in all the cars drove along the moonlit roads over and down
hills and through turning valleys to Pead’s unlit cottage. The dog snarled, straining on its
chain, while a voice from the darkness said, “Why do you come?”

Jukes shown a torch on Pead’s face, then turned it away. “We failed,” he said and explained.

“This man,” asked Pead, “did he say his name?”

“Saer.”
“Saer? I thought he was dead!”

“You know him?”

“No, but there are stories. Come in, my friends!”

Inside, Pead lit a single candle.

“We must act!” Jukes said while his followers adjusted themselves to the stench and the
flickering shadows.

“This night I have sent a fetch against them.”

“Perhaps Saer – “

“If indeed he lives, I do not know where to find him.”

“She had no power over him. If – “

“He would act if he wished. If he does not, them maybe it is for us to do nothing also.”

“But we must do something!” shouted Jukes. Several members of his Temple, standing
behind him, were already scratching themselves.

“I see you do not understand.”

“I understand,” persisted Jukes, “enough to know this planet is threatened. By her and the
forces she wants to bring.”

“If Saer – “

“Saer this! Saer that! Who is this bloody Saer anyway?” said Jukes in anger, his body
trembling in reaction to the events of the night.

“He is an old man, older than me – much older than me – who in his youth sought the
secret of the alchemical Stone. Some say he found it. Myself – I do not know. It is said of
him that he understands and can control should he wish, the cosmic tides themselves. He
had a pupil once, a young woman. But she abused his trust and they parted – he to live
alone and she to follow the sinister path. But that was a long time ago. No one has heard of
him or seen him for – what? - maybe thirty years.”

“Then he is a Magus?” asked Jukes.

“Indeed. The only one this century – although there have been many who claimed the title
but lacked the understanding and the power.”

Even in the dim light, Jukes could see Pead’s sly smile. He ignored the slight at the man
whose teachings he followed. “But surely then he must do something.”

Pead shrugged his hunched shoulders. “Maybe he is.”

“I feel nothing.”

“As I.”

“But surely,” persisted Jukes, “his very appearance – his saving of me – means something.”

“Perhaps.”

For years, Jukes had absorbed diverse Occult theories, and he quickly made an
assumption. “Perhaps it was a sign for us to act? Perhaps he has chosen us to act?”

“I do not know.”

“I saw and felt the power he had. He must have wanted me to do something. We could
summon Shugara.”

“Do you know what you ask?”

“Yes! There is enough of us to invoke such power.”

“It is dangerous.” Pead rested against one of his desks as if seeking comfort from the books
upon it.

“We cannot allow her to succeed. Shugara would destroy her – and all of her followers.”

“And maybe us, also.” He moved to where a pile of small, bound manuscripts lay on the
floor. Extracting one, he began to read aloud. “Shugara is one of the most dangerous to
invoke. Manifestations may be accompanied by the smell of rotting corpses. Symbolized by
the Tarot card The Moon – Shugara is the great Beast that comes from the dark pool under
the Moon. His call is to be chanted in the key of G major…”

“It is the only way!” said Jukes with messianic zeal.

“In all my workings I have never dared – “

“We must dare it now! Listen to me! Do you believe in evil?”

“Evil?”

“Yes, evil. Do you believe that there is a dark power at work on this Earth?”

“I know that there are dark forces that we as magickians can use.”

“Yes, yes. But what about innocence?” He reached behind him and drew forward a young
female member of his Temple. “See her?” And the young woman blushed. “I would call her
innocent – someone who trusts and believes in the good. Now,” he continued, intoxicated
by his eloquence, “If I for whatever reason threw her to the ground and raped he, I would
destroy that trust, that innocence, wouldn’t I?”

“Maybe.”
“I would be imposing my will on hers, to fulfill my own desire. Well, I should really respect
her – her own desires, for ‘every man and woman is a star’ and ‘love is the law, love under
will’. My act would be an evil one.” Something obscure occurred in his mind, but he could
not define it and passed on. “Our magick – the Osirian current and that of the child who
comes after – is to bring love into this world, to bring a New Aeon. Yet she – “ he spat out
the word – “wants to break our magickal current and impose her own. We would become
possessed by the power she brought – invaded in our minds. There would be evil – the
ending of love!”

With his strong words, Jukes seemed to have invoked a presence in the damp, shadowed
room. They all sensed it – and Pead most of all.

“Yes, you’re right,” Pead said, glancing behind him. “We shall do as you say.”

“Then let us prepare,” said Jukes confidently.

Pead took the candle and let them to the room where he slept. They could not see the
bloodstains that covered the floor and he set the candle by the window to fetch his
ceremonial equipment. The magickal circle, inscribed with sigils and words of power, almost
filled the room when joined together, and Jukes and his followers stood within it while Pead
brought candles, incense, a sword, parchment and pen. The burner was lit, incense burned,
the circle purified by the sprinkling of salt and sealed by the passing along it of the tip of the
sword.

Jukes and Pead stood in the centre while the others linked hands and began to walk, slowly
at first, sun-wise around the circle. Pead drew a sigil on parchment, showed it to the four
corners of the room and began his chant.

“You I invoke, Shugara, who lurks waiting in the pits of the Abyss! You are Fury and the
bringer of Death! Hear me! And hearing hearken to my call! For I am the Lord of Powers in
this circle – hear me! And hearing harken to my call!”

‘Shu-ga-ra!” chanted the circling dancers as the incense filled the room and the candles
flickered. “Shu-ga-ra!”

“Shugara!” commanded Pead. “With this my seal and sword I conjure you! Attend to the
words of my voice! Exarp! Bitom! Nanta! Hcoma! I rule over you all: Gil ol nonci zamran!
Micma! Come Shugara! To me! To me!”
Jukes felt the frenzy and began to chant the demon’s name in the key of G major while
Pead continued with his invocation and the dancers, circling fast, chanted their own chant.

First the smell choked them, and then the laughter stopped their chants. The dried blood on
the floor seemed to boil, and then seeped away into the room to form an ill-defined shape
that hung near the ceiling. Pead began to speak, but the shape swooped down to engulf his
face and vanished.

“You fools!” he hissed before turning and walking from the room.

Outside, the dog growled, yelped and then was silent. When Jukes found it, it was dead.
Jukes waited a long time, but could hear nothing. He left the implements of magick, the
candles and the incense burning, but performed a banishing for himself and his followers
before leading them to their cars. He felt sick and oppressed and, in silence, drove slowly
through the night knowing Pead was possessed and would probably die. There was nothing
they could do except hope that in some way he would fulfill the purpose of the ritual.

There was little traffic as they drove down the roads toward London, sensing that they might
have failed. In his depressive state, Jukes did not care about leaving Claudia and as the
time of the journey turned into hours and clouds came to cover the moon, he had come to
believe his own beliefs were an illusion. Nothing was threatened, there were no powers
trying to break through the dimensions, no magick – only hallucinations and dread. He
found comfort in these thoughts, a sense of reality returning, and all he wanted to do was
return to his flat, throw away his books and begin a normal life. He could forget the terrors of
the night. He was like a person suddenly and unexpectedly locked in a prison cell – first,
there was the loss of his will, a disbelief, the slow depression of shock, and then the gradual
adjustment to the reality of the surroundings. But there would be no anger, no sudden
resentment at this fate as there might have been for one unjustly imprisoned. The terror had
burned that from his soul as a flash of lightning burns out the bark of trees.

For the first time in his life, Jukes felt the need of a personal love. His need was not for the
love that was an idea that he carried in his head, nor for that which was only a word in
someone else’s faith used to bring a little self-importance to his life, as when he used a
woman in a magick ritual or real life. Instead, his need was for the comfort and gentle joy
that personal love could sometimes bring, and as he drove carefully and slowly toward the
lights of London, he held out his hand for the young woman beside him. She did not refuse,
for she loved his charisma as High Priest and in her gentle, trusting way held his fingers
tight.
The simple gesture destroyed all the demons of Jukes’ past.

XVIII

It was dawn when Thurstan awoke to find Claudia still asleep beside him. It was her hand,
which rested on his shoulder, her warm breath against his faced, and for some time he
thought the memory of Melanie being between them was the memory of a dream.

A thin duvet covered them, but their closeness, Claudia’s bare shoulder and his memory of
her body, aroused Thurstan’s passion and he was about to let his hand stroke her breast
when she awoke. For a moment there was fear in her eyes, which he saw, destroying his
passion. She smiled at him and in her smile was an awkward vulnerable trust, which
brought to Thurstan a remembrance of all the women he had loved and the reason why he
loved them.

He kissed her, as a brother might, before leaving the room to find his clothes. Dressed, he
wandered around the house but could not find Melanie. The air of late summer was mild
and hazy and he sat on the grass in the walled garden, listening. A contemplative calm
came to him and he might have been a Taoist monk meditating in the still air of dawn. He
was at peace, within himself, and felt in a way stronger than he had ever done before that
the world, and he himself, unfolded in its own natural way. It was also beautiful, in a strange,
calm way and he sat, very still but without effort, while the gentle euphoria suffused him.

The mood drifted from him, slowly. His fervour of the night was unreal – a memory of
another person. The calm he felt now was real and he realized with a sudden insight that it
was this feeling that he wished above all else to share with Melanie. It was the beauty, the
calm he found when he looked into a woman’s eyes – the gentleness he experienced
sometimes when he lay naked beside the woman he loved and she showed by a caress or
a kiss or a smile that she cared for him. It was the longing he felt to be with a sensitive
woman – the soft desire to make slow, gentle love to her. All the sharing moments, all the
experiences of two people in love would be a remembrance of such moments, a giving and
returning, a mutual embrace and breaking of barriers, that he knew no words might describe.

The energy of the night, even the magick, was alien to him. He wanted his vulnerable love
to lead himself and the woman he loved to another existence, and he began to feel that
such a love might in a way he did not understand, affect the world, as once he had believed
that prayer to a god might. He knew this was as ideal – but it was an attainable one, if the
love was mutual and without reservation. He began to think of how a monk or a nun,
pledged to contemplation, might seek to love God – he wanted and needed to love a
woman in such a way: a woman of flesh and blood who responded to his kisses, who
laughed, cried, danced, became angry or sad, but who, whatever the emotions and
whatever the experience loved him faithfully as he would love her. There would be a sacred
quality about such a love.

He did not need the energy of power or magick or money, for he sensed the beauty of life
lay hidden in its simplicity, in a kind of detachment, and as he sat in the still warming air of
early morning only the sound of bird-song around him, his body and mind languid, he felt it
easy to believe in a god who might have made it all - or some force, perhaps named Fate,
which governed the workings of the cosmos. He was aware, as he sat, of the suffering and
misery in the world, as he was aware that he himself was not God – not even a god. He did
not understand the suffering, or the misery, but felt that all he could do was try and change
himself, re-orientate in some way his own consciousness so as not to add to those burdens.

All the threads of his life were gathered together in the moments of his sitting: the
memories, sometimes painful and intense, of the women he had loved; the lessons of his
own past, his feelings and thoughts of and about others. He drew them to himself by a quiet
process of thought to make his feelings and memories conscious and part of a whole, and
by the time he had completed the task, his view of the world had profoundly changed. He
felt he had at last discovered the reality of his own self, buried for so long in a confusion of
feelings, moods and desires.

Perhaps his intuitive awareness of Claudia’s vulnerability or the strange things of magick he
had seen caused this. He did not know or particularly care. There was a happiness within
him, which was gentle and made him smile. He felt in love with the world and possessed
and awareness of meaning. He sensed there was something beyond his own life, which a
particular way of living would create – which a sharing of love with another person would
make possible. Perhaps this was another life in another plane of existence. It was a
nebulous sensation, this belief, which he could not formulate directly into ideas expressed
by the words of his thoughts, but nonetheless real to him and he added it to his view of the
world before rising from the grass and walking, in the sunlight, toward the house.

A man was by the door, leaning on an Ash walking stick. It was Saer and he was smiling.
Thurstan blinked in surprise – and Saer was gone. Thurstan felt he had seen a ghost, and
did not bother to look for the old man.

Melanie sat by the crystal in her Temple and he stood beside her.

“Will you marry me?” he asked.

“What?”

“Will you marry me? Leave all of this and come and live with me in my cottage?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“There are many things that I must do.”

“Forget them. Forget all this.”

She smiled at him. “And Claudia?”

He sighed. “And Claudia. I cannot share you.”

“All that I have is from this day yours – and hers.”

“I want nothing except you.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing. No money, power – whatever. I earn enough to support us both, if we live simply.”

“You need never work again.”

“But I need to.”

She laughed, and touched his face. “It is a lovely, romantic ideal! But not possible.”

“Why not?”
She gestured toward her crystal. “This is my life.”

“I can be your life.”

“But for how long?”

Thurstan flinched, and in that moment part of his hope was extinguished. “We can try.”

“Why this sudden change?”

“All this really isn’t me. You have power, money, charisma – and magick to bind people to
you, to control. I love what is beyond all that in you. My real world is outside, sitting in the
sun listening to the songs of the birds or watching clouds or waiting for the frogs to return in
Spring. I do not belong here – in a Temple, doing strange rituals.”

“You are tempting me,” she said smiling.

“As you tempted me?”

“Perhaps.”

They stood in silence for a long time until Thurstan said, “You could use your power to bind
me, but – “

“I no longer have any power over you,” Melanie said softly. “I knew that when you entered
here.”

“You still love me then?”

“It is not my love that makes me powerless to bind you. There is something else.”

“What?”
“Would you like to take Claudia some breakfast? There are many things to do this morning.”

“Marry me.” When she did not answer, Thurstan said, “well at least come away with me.”

“And if I want you to stay here with me? Share my world?”

“I don’t think it would work,” Thurstan said, sadly.

“You could try.”

“It would be a game. What would be the point?”

“To enjoy the game, perhaps.”

“I want to go straight to what is beyond all that.”

“Our bridge is in danger.”

Thurstan looked at her and began to cry. He made no sound and Melanie wiped the tears
away with her hand.

“Go now,” she said. “Before I do something I will regret.”

The sunlight seemed painful to him as he walked along her driveway toward the lane. He
had not looked back and she did not run after him, and he walked slowly shuffling like and
old man along the lane and down toward the road. He stopped for several minutes to stand
and lean on the bridge toward the bottom of the lane, watching and listening to the fastly
flowing stream of water. A cyclist, brightly clad and whose bicycle was laden with panniers,
passed and wished him good-day.

“Lovely day!” Thurstan said.

“Yes, splendid!” replied the traveller before changing down into a lower gear and riding up
the hill.

The scenery, the weather, the brief human contact charmed Thurstan, bringing the world
around him alive. Melanie the Satanic witch queen was not of this world where he himself
belonged, and as Thurstan walked away to take the Neolithic track that rose up the slopes
of the Mynd a mile distant, his sadness was relieved by a presentiment of joy.

XIX

The house seemed, to Melanie, to sigh as Thurstan left. Her own grief was longer, and it
was nearly an hour later that she went to her bedroom to find Claudia asleep.

For several minutes she stood, watching the sleeping woman. There was a gentleness and
trust in Claudia that brought to Melanie an intimation of a type of love she did not know nor
even perhaps understand, and she allowed her grief at losing Thurstan to sharpen this
intimation. But she could not hold in her consciousness this insight and left, imbued again
with her role and Destiny, to make arrangements for the evening ritual.

There would be no sacrifice, only a calling down of dark power through her crystal – a
breaking of the gates by the directed frenzy of the members of her Temple and the guests
she had invited from around the world. The hours of the day passed quickly for her, Claudia
was happy, receiving guests, preparing the Temple and food for the feast, which would
follow the recalling, directing the servants that morning had drawn to the house on Melanie’s
command.

Fifty-four people were gathered in the Temple as darkness came slow to cover the land
around. Melanie left them as her cantors began their discordant chant and her dancers
began to dance, slowly, drawing forth from themselves a rising pyramid of power. Claudia
waited for her in the secret Temple, her hands on the crystal and soon the diffusing light
from the floor began to change in colour until a purple aura surrounded them.

There was a yearning in Melanie as she stood beside her Priestess and lover. But it was not
a yearning for love - only a cold desire to alter the living patterns in the world and so fulfill
her Destiny by returning the Dark Gods to Earth. She was suspended between her past with
all its charisma and power and the future that might have been possible if she had
surrendered to Thurstan’s love. She was aware of herself only through the images of the
past and her barely formed feelings for Claudia: detached from the realness of her body and
personal emotions. The power being invoked seemed to be drawing her toward the Abyss
and the spaces beyond the Abyss where she had never been.

The Abyss was within her, within Claudia, within all those in the Temple and all those
outside it. It was primal awe, terror and intoxication and she entered it she felt its energies
forming into shapes ready to ascend to Earth through her crystal and Temple. She was not
conscious of the world around her and so did not see the door of the secret Temple open or
the leering man who entered.

The darkness of the Abyss had attracted the darkness which had possessed Pead, as it
made him sense the vulnerability of Claudia. He was growling like the animal he had
become as he fastened his hands around her neck. Melanie heard the scream but she was
paralyzed by the Abyss and could only return slowly to the world of the living as
inadvertently Claudia operated the mechanism, which opened the pit beneath the crystal.
She and Pead stood on its ledge as the plinth with its crystal slid aside.

“Take me!” Melanie screamed. But she was too late and as she moved toward them they
stumbled and fell into the pit.

Silently the plinth returned to seal them in deep darkness. Melanie could not make it move
and bloodied her hands trying. And when it did, no answer came to her repeated calls, only
silence rising from the rotting blackness below.

The power in the crystal had gone and she hid her tears as she walked toward the Temple
and it worshippers. They were still chanting and dancing, unaware that the real power was
gone from the crystal, the house and its Mistress they all held in awe. Melanie watched and
listened, aware as she did so that what they felt as they chanted and danced was only a
flickering shadow. So she left them to seal herself in her room.

She sat for a long time, vaguely aware of the passing hours and the people who drifted
away from the house, perplexed. They had danced, chanted and waited for her to appear,
but when she had not come forth to carry them to the Abyss they had waited again until the
realization of failure made them shuffle and slink away.

Dawn drew her to her garden and in the long moments of her walking barefoot in the dewy
grass she found an answer to her grief. It was an answer without words – a feeling that
drew her beyond the cold Abyss to where a new universe waited. She was drifting in this
universe, floating among the stars and galaxies of love, sadness, sorrow and joy, and as
she consciously drifted, her body tensed and tears came to her eyes.
Images and feelings rushed through her as a whirling system of planets and stars forms
from chaos and rushes through a galaxy past other starts when time itself is compressed.
The images were of her past but the feelings attached to them were not the original feelings.
There was sadness instead of exultation, love instead of anger, grief instead of joy. They
had changed because her perspective had changed for she was seeing herself and her past
not as before through her own eyes but from beyond herself where other people were part
of her in a way that brought an awareness of their sorrow, passion, hurt, narrowness, love
and stupidity. She was Thurstan as he sat in the café holding her hand and trembling with
the expectation of love; she was Claudia as she lay being kissed for the first time by a
woman – the possessed man who in blindness and unthinking hate had killed Claudia.

The images and feelings rushed through her and when they were gone she was left feeling
both sorrow and love. Her sorrow was in her lack of vision – she had drawn forces from
within herself and beyond herself and used them to fulfill her will and desires: nothing had
been real for her except those powers and herself. Here love was in a yearning to try and
understand by giving herself, by sharing what she felt with someone who understood.

The sorrow that burst upon her broke her free of her past: it was a storm which smashed
her mooring and snapped the anchorage of her self so she became a ship sailing free blown
by winds she did not understand. Her feelings for Thurstan, her brief sorrow at Lois’ death,
her brief love of Claudia were distant heralds of the storm, which had come.

Gradually, her yearning became a yearning for love. She felt the blue of the sky above pour
down upon her as the warmth of the sun, felt the wholeness of the patterns of Nature before
her as if they were all notes in a beautiful piece of music – Vivaldi, perhaps, exulting in song
the god of his faith, or Bach transforming a fugue to its end. She received the emanations
that broke upon her with a joy seldom before known except in brief moments of physical
passion, and she became happy, sad, compassion, ecstatic and afraid until a vision calmed
her. Her vision was of the vital, ineffable mechanism of the cosmos itself – the eternal
beyond the transient forms that life assumed through the process of slow evolution to
something beyond itself.

This something she felt to be a vast, calm ocean where evolution ended, and began, in an
indescribable transcendent bliss. But the vision was soon over, and she found herself lying
on the grass of her garden in the chilly air of morning.

For over an hour she lay, calm and gently breathing while physical senses returned to her
body and an awareness of self brought need. She did not want to move as she did not want
the calm, her perception of the whole of which she was a part, to end, and when she did
move it was to slowly walk toward her car to drive away from her house, hoping, as she did
so, that Thurstan would still love her.

XX

The past came back to Jukes. The day had barely gone after the night of his return before
his insight faded. He was in bed with his new and gentle lover when they called.

“I hope you do not mind us calling,” the nervous young man said.

“Not at all.” He gestured to the sofa and watched keenly as they sat. The young woman with
short hair was pretty, dressed in a purple dress while the young man with a straggly beard
seemed weak-willed and shy.

“We heard about your group,” the man said, “and are very interested.”

“How did you hear?” Jukes asked.

“Oh – the chap in the ‘Occult Bookshop’.”

“Actually – “ Jukes began.

“He said you were an Adept – and we would very much like to learn from you.”

“How do you mean?”

“Be one of your pupils.”

Jukes was flattered and when he looked at the woman she turned her eyes away and
blushed. His new Priestess entered bearing a pot of tea on a tray – she smiled at him with
love, but his own smile was brief and she sat down in a corner, quiet and trusting, while
Jukes began to manipulate, again.

He talked of the Occult path, the difficulties and the sacrifice that was needed, and the
importance of being willing to learn. He drew them to him, talking of the Aeon to come when
truly free individuals would change the world forever. He talked of the magick within, which
could be drawn out and help each individual find their True Will, and as he talked he drew
nearer to the subject of Initiation and acts of sexual magick. His desire for the woman who
sat opposite him grew as he talked, moulding his will through words which seeped into his
new followers as a parasite seeps into the intestine of the host.

“You are very sensitive – to certain forces,” he said to the woman.

“I don’t think I am,” she said softly.

“It seem to me you have a natural gift.” He sensed the compliment was well received. “It
can be developed by certain means, should you wish to do so.”

For hours, he talked while they listened. He felt a power, talking to them about magick, a
mastery that made him confident. He was an Adept, and would guide them toward magickal
understanding. Part of him was sincere as well, and over the years he had covered his
desires with lovely names as his assumption of having attained Adeptship made all that he
did or chose to do seem right for both the cosmos and him. His names were Destiny, free
love and the Chosen.

As the hours passed he became his role – there was no dichotomy within him. His pupils
would be a means, sent by his gods, whereby he himself – and they – could attain further
magickal understanding.

Darkness came early, shielding, and his Priestess lit some candles to shed some light and
add to the atmosphere of magick that he was building with his words. The terrors of his
recent past became rationalized as he talked – Pead had brought misfortune on himself by
his past deeds of sacrifice, and the terrors at the Satanist house were the result of a battle
between Saer and the woman who had enticed Claudia away. It was not his battle, and his
only mistake had been to become involved. That involvement was Claudia’s doing, she was
obviously being manipulated by other powers emanating from the Satanist house.

Jukes was pleased with his understanding. He described to his new pupils the ritual Pead
had done and explained how the magickian became possessed.

“So you see, there is always danger present. We must learn to master our wills!”
His two pupils looked at each other, and the woman nodded.

“When,” asked the man, “can we be Initiated?”

Jukes pretended to consider the matter carefully. “We have a meeting next week at which
Initiation could take place.”

“Really? As soon as that?” The man was surprised.

“Of course, if you wish to delay – “

“No, no. What you suggest is fine. We are only too keen to begin our quest.”

“Good. I shall arrange everything.”

“May I ask you something?” For the first time the woman spoke.

“Why yes!”

“What happened to the man in that ritual?”

Jukes laughed. “He is probably wandering around still, quite mad!”

Jukes was pleased to see them go, knowing the woman would soon be his and knowing
that his Priestess would be only too willing to please him when they returned to his bed. He
slept well that night, tired from his bodily exertions and safe again within the world he had
created. He did not hear his Priestess crying, a little, toward dawn as she sensed what next
week would bring. But she would accept it, for she was only a Priestess and he was her
teacher.

Outside, two Blackbirds sung her to sleep.

XXI
 ‘Therefore, let every mortal see that last day

When they die – not considering themselves fortunate

Until without suffering they cross the boundary of this life.’

Thurstan wrote the words slowly, savouring them, before collecting together the scattered
pages of his translation. He glanced through it, satisfied at the labour of months, but sad
because he would have to think of something else to do in the long hours to be spent alone
as summer changed to autumn and brought the dark of night to cover the evening hours.

A premonition of dawn came to him as he looked out from his window to the eastern hills,
and he snuffed out the candles by which he liked to work. The air outside was fresh like that
of early autumn and he stood by the door of the cottage slowly breathing it in. There was no
wind to break the silence and he walked into his small garden, riddled by weed and long of
grass, to watch the haze of Aurora grow. Definition of fence, tree, fields and hills came
slowly in rhythm with the song of birds as if those very songs were calling Eos from her
sleep. The growing light though without warmth still drew the cold sadness from Thurstan as
he stood waiting for the sun god to rise. And when He did, climbing steadily between the
cleft in hills on the horizon, Thurstan smiled in reverence.

Phrases from his translation repeated themselves in his mind and it did not seem to him a
long span of time since Sophocles had seen or imagined the sun rising over the mountains
of Phocis: ‘Bright as a flame from the snows of Parnassus comes a voice…’ Who, Thurstan
wondered, had in the intervening centuries understood the message? Would his own
attempt to present it in his own language fail should it ever be printed and read? Would
hubris – defiance that broke the balance in the cosmos – increase? Could the balance ever
be restored?

He did not know the answers to these questions as he did not know any answers that were
solutions to the problems of his own life, and he contented himself with enjoying the
beautiful world around him; the sights, sounds, smells of sky-god and Earth-mother. The
Earth around him was real in a way that his memories and dreams were not and as he
stood, experiencing the dawn of day, he forgot his love of Melanie and his dreams of
sharing his life, making himself content by his work in the gardens of mother Earth and by
his night time toil of translations.

He became at peace again with himself and sat upon the step to plan his next translation.
The turning of Earth brought the sun higher into his sky while he sat, enjoying the warmth of
his last day free from his work. Tomorrow, his brief holiday over, he would return to the farm
to strain and stretch his muscles and delight in his simple tasks.

The sun was warm when he heard a vehicle approaching, but he did not rise even when he
recognized the car, which was screechingly braked to a halt. Melanie came toward him and
his peace vanished like darkness by lightning. For minutes they stood, pressed close
together by their arms.

“I love you.” Melanie’s words were a spell, which bound her to him. She knew they would be
and had never used them before.

“You seem changed,” Thurstan said as she began to cry, gently.

“Claudia is dead.”

He kissed her, sat her in a garden chair in the sun, made and brought her a pot of Shenca
tea and sat beside her to listen while she talked. She spoke of the man who came rushing
into her house, drawn somehow by the power she was invoking, of how he seemed to
sense, as she had, Claudia’s innocence. She described the pit into which they fell where
Algar’s disfigured body lay rotting: of how she had let her grief walk her to her garden and
how the burgeoning light of a new day had brought to her an understanding of the tragedy
of her past.

“Your simple love,” she said, “broke through the shield around me. I don’t know how or why
– but it did.”

“What will you do?”

She laughed. “Did you mean what you said?”

“Yes.”

“Then I want to stay here – with you.”

Clouds began to gather around the eastern horizon of hills as they spoke, growing as a wind
arose to shape and move them across the sky to cover, briefly, the sun. Other, darker
clouds followed.

“But your house – your plans?”

“I shall forget them.”

“Can you?”

“Yes. My perspective may have changed – but not my will!”

Thurstan was delighted, both by the answer and the spirit which sent it forth from her lips.
“Will you marry me, then?” he asked.

“Yes!”

They kissed like new lovers while clouds covered the whole of the sky.

“Shall we go in?” Thurstan asked.

“I would like that.”

Inside Melanie said; “You know what I wish?”

He was attuned to her and answered, “I think so.”

“It may be possible, for I no protection and my cycle is right.”

This new desire enhanced the closeness they found as naked body lay upon naked body.
Rain fell around the cottage in where they lay, sweating. It beat down as a storm upon the
roof and windows, a counter-point to their passionate ecstasy and love, and when it was
over and they lay entwined together while the sun sent shafts of light through a window,
Melanie began to cry. She softly cried for a long time as if the tears purged her of her past.
Thurstan felt this, and brushed them away as she lay resting her head on his chest.
The knocking on his door startled them both. Hastily Thurstan covered part of his
nakedness.

“Yes?” he asked as he opened the door.

The old man was in ragged clothes and it was some seconds before Thurstan recognized
Saer.

“I am sorry to intrude – at such a time,” smiled Saer. “May I enter?”

Thurstan was reluctant, for he sensed the Saer was more than an intrusion. “I’d rather you
didn’t.”

“Her power is gone.”

“Please go.” Thurstan did not understand what was happening – but Saer seemed a threat
to him in some way.

“I cannot leave without her.”

The words struck Thurstan like blows. “We are to marry.”

“It cannot be,” said Saer quietly.

“Leave us alone!” shouted Thurstan and in anger shut the door. He bolted it before
returning to Melanie.

Saer stood by the bed. “It cannot be,” he repeated.

Thurstan’s wroth made him move toward Saer who raised his hand. Thurstan’s body
became paralyzed and he could only watch as Saer gave Melanie her clothes.
“I shall kill you!” Thurstan screamed.

Saer smiled.

“Why are you doing this?” Thurstan asked, realizing his rage was useless. Melanie did not
look at him and seemed to be in a trance.

Saer smiled and Thurstan’s rage returned. He channelled it to his body. Trembling with
effort he could only manage to move his feet a little forward.

“Sleep now,” Saer quietly said.

Thurstan’s eyes were closing and he could not stop them. The last thing he saw was
Melanie’s pleading but helpless eyes. Then he was dreaming. He was in his garden under a
searing sun – but his garden was different: full of beautiful flowers and luxurious grass.
Claudia, radiantly beautiful, was beside him and held his arm. He felt peaceful with her and
listened almost rapturously as she spoke.

“You were part of his plan. He could do nothing until your love broke her power.”

“Help me,” Thurstan asked.

“We can do nothing here.”

Thurstan awoke to find himself lying on his bed. Moonlight reached his room and he lay
trying to unravel dream from reality and reality from dream. It was a slow process, but
helped by Melanie’s perfume, which still lay on his pillow and when it was over he
remembered her car.

It was still outside his cottage. He felt uncomfortable with its power and drove carefully
along he moonlit lanes and roads to her house, which he found empty and cold. Nervous,
he switched on all the lights as he journeyed from room to room and floor to floor avoiding
the temple of her crystal. But he felt and saw nothing except the shadows and fears of his
own mind. And the memories of their brief time together.
Only the library possessed some warmth as if in indication of the answers he hoped to find,
and he shut its door before browsing among the books. All of them, and the manuscripts
bound like books, were about alchemy, magick or the Occult. He could read the Latin of the
medieval manuscripts and books, but what it related did not interest him as the later books
brought forth no desire to read further. Even the Black Book of Satan, resting on the table,
seemed irrelevant to him. They were all compilations of shadow words, appearing to
Thurstan to fall short of the aim that the searchers who had written them should have aimed
for. His instinctive feeling was to observe in a contemplative way some facet of the cosmos
– to stand outside in the dark of the night and listen for the faint music that travelled down to
Earth from the stars – rather the enclose himself in the warm womb of a house to read the
writings of others. Demons, spells, hidden powers, the changing of base metal to gold, even
the promises of power and change for himself, were not important to Thurstan, and he left
the library with its stored knowledge and forbidden secrets and lurking gods, to walk in the
moonlit garden.

The stars were not singing for him – or he could not hear them above the turmoil of him
thought – but his slow moon-wise walking brought a calm. His dreams of sharing life with
Melanie were still vivid, but he realized that if such sharing was not to be, it would not be.
He might try, through force or even magick to win her back. But if he succeeded, his dreams
would only become real if she wished to make them real for him, and all he could do was
give her the freedom of choice. Saer was using her – for what purpose he did not know –
and he would try and find her, somehow, to give the promise of choice. He was not afraid of
Saer, not worried about the magickal powers he possessed, for as he walked with a calm
that deepened and brought awareness of the rhythms of the cosmos, he felt that it was his
fate to try and find her. What happened when and if he did, would happen, as Spring
happens after the cold darkness of Winter.

XXII

It was not a long wait. Thurstan did not enter the secret Temple and use the crystal nor any
magickal means. His way was not the way of magick but of sensitive thought and he sat on
the damp, cold grass to close his eyes and think of Melanie.

What he saw guided him and he walked in the moonlight along the narrow turning hilly lanes
singing softly to himself. His songs were from his translations and he invented the music to
match the rhythm of his walking feet. There was joy in him then, a simpleness that gave him
the strength of water and its ability to follow any channel or shape itself while still being itself
to any vessel or container. His goal was a small cottage of stone with a sagging roof and
tiny windows beside an unmarked track that weaved among the mamelons between the
western slopes of the Mynd and the tress of Linley Hill. No one passed him as he walked
and the fields were quite silent and quite still. His chosen track led him for a hundred yards
through a wood, past a stream flowing down between two hills to curve eastwards and rise
north among the rocky barren land. As its sudden end lay the cottage but briefly home to the
short sun of Winter. Dawn was almost rising behind him as he knocked upon the old
studded oak door.

No one came to answer his call and he opened the door. Inside in the flickering light of a
fire, he saw Saer hunched on a stool before the hearth while against the wall in the
recessed bed, Melanie lay sleeping. The large room comprised all of the cottage and it
smelled of burnt hazel mingled with pine. Saer, though surprised, did not move.

“You are persistent.” Saer did not look toward Thurstan but still stared into the large flames
that ate, with sporadic breaking of tree-limbs and fingers, the wood.

Thurstan did not close the door but began to walk toward Melanie. Suddenly, Saer rose.

“Leave her,” he said quietly and raised his left hand.

For an instant Saer’s features seemed, to Thurstan, to be lacertilian but the impression soon
vanished to leave only an old man with white hair standing before a fire. As soon as
Thurstan touched Melanie she awoke. “She is mine,” he said, almost sadly.

“It is not for you or for me but for Melanie to decide,” Saer said, and smiled. It was a kindly
smile and he raised him hand again.

Thurstan just sighed and held Melanie’s hand.

“I can see,” Saer said to Thurstan, “what powers you now represent.”

“I have no power – only my love for her.”

“Even now you do not understand.” Saer turned toward Melanie. “It is written: ‘Baphomet is
a goddess of violent aspect who washes in the blood of her foes. She is the bride of Lucifer
– a Gate to the Dark Gods beyond this Earth. Her daughters are Power, Vengeance and
Lust, but the only Earth-based living child born from these children is the Demon named
Love.’ ”
“So I,” said Melanie, suddenly understanding, “as Mistress of Earth passed beyond the
Abyss.”

“To bring into this world what must be.”

“And now I must choose?”

“Yes.”

For a long time Melanie looked at Thurstan. “I must go with Saer,” she finally said. In that
instant, she felt her magickal powers return.

“But I –“

“Say nothing.” She pressed her forefinger to his lips.

“I don’t understand,” said Thurstan, almost crying with emotion.

Melanie smiled, sadly. “There will be enough time for understanding in old age. What lives
now and grows within me will always be a part of you.”

She kissed his cheek and he became too full of emotion to do anything but watch her and
Saer walk into the burgeoning dawn. Then, suddenly, they vanished. He ran outside, but he
could not find them.

He walked slowly away from the cottage. The light of dawn seemed to be sucking mist from
the ground, but he did not care. He moved, like an old man pained by his limbs, through the
cold and sometimes swirling mist along a path that took him toward the Mynd and up,
steeply, to its level summit where he stood, high above the mist, to watch the mist-clotted
valleys below. The heather was beginning to show the glory of its colour, and he walked
through it northbound along the cracked and stony road stopping often to turn around and
wait. But no one and nothing came to him – no voices, song or sigh. There was hope within
him as he walked as he had often walked along the almost level top of that long and
beautiful low mountain. But hope did not last, for he felt he would never see her again –
never know their child. The very Earth itself seemed to be whispering to him the words of
this truth. He began to sense, slowly, that there was for him real magick here where
moorland fell to form deep hollows home to those daughter of Earth known as springs and
streams, and where the Neolithic pathway had heard perhaps ten million stories. No wisps
of clouds came to spoil the glory of the sun as it rose over the mottled wavy hills beyond the
Stretton valley miles distant and below. No noise to break the almost sacred silence heard.
For an instant it seemed as if some divinity, strange but pure, came into the world, and
smiled.

The smile might have been one of understanding, but Thurstan sat down in the heather and
cried.

XXIII

It was raining still and dull of day when Jukes arrived at Pead’s cottage, summoned by
avarice. His fear began to ebb away as he saw it was empty, unchanged since the night of
the ritual – except for the stench of the dismembered, half-eaten and rotting dog.

He selected his goods carefully, taking only the rarest of books and manuscripts to his car
wherein his Priestess waited, soothed by his words of charm: ‘He said if anything happened
to him, I was to keep his books…’

So he worked while she, in trust, waited. And when, to his satisfaction, the collection was
complete, he drove in curiosity to see from a safe distance the house wherein Claudia had
left him and where he thought she lived in bondage to her Satanic mistress.

An old tramp was walking away from the direction of the house and Jukes stopped him,
saying: “Do you know who lives there?”

“In that there house?” said the old man before spitting on the ground. “Empty it is – has
been for weeks if you ask me. No mug of tea for me there, that’s for sure.”

Jukes did not thank him or even watch him walk away. He was excited, and led his
Priestess along the driveway to the house, as, behind them, Saer turned in the rain, and
smiled.

Jukes tried the door, and to his surprise found it open. The house was warm, comforting
after the cold rain, and they ambled along the hallway with Jukes calling “Hello?”
No one came. Jukes left his Priestess for he felt strangely aroused. The house, he felt, was
a woman of beauty and he was violating her. He was full of physical lust and felt powerful
and began to explore all the aspects of her warm and scented body – hoping vaguely he
might find a real woman whom he could rape. He eagerly sought the bedrooms – caressing
the silken sheets – as he eagerly sought items of clothing, which he hoped by their texture,
and smell, might bring nearer to him the woman he was searching for. Night came from
outside while he wandered, bringing light and increased warmth within the house. But Jukes
did not notice this. His arousal became stronger until he became a man intent only on rape.
He did not see the shadows from his own Abyss as they gathered around him lisping words
of encouragement, as he did not find in his search the woman he wanted. But he
remembered a woman, waiting for him below.

He found her asleep in a chair fluxed in the glow of a large crystal before her. He did not
care about the strange room nor wonder about the crystal. He cared only for satisfying his
lust – he wanted, as he had never wanted before, to abuse her cruelly, to beat her and rape
her savagely. He was strong in body and would use his strength to satisfy himself by forcing
her beneath him.

He moved toward her, leering. But, then, she opened her eyes and smiled.

Jukes found he could not move, and did not see the door behind him close. “You are mine
now,” the woman who had once been his willing lover said. “With a look I can strike you
dead!”

Jukes did not doubt it. Reality for him returned quickly. She was no longer his Priestess, but
a woman, mistress of him, who by magick bound his will. Beside the crystal where he stood
watching helplessly, an amber necklace lay and she rose from the chair to take it for herself.
She was still smiling as she unthreaded one bead, which began to glow in her fingers. She
showed it to him, mockingly, and laughed before re-threading it and placing the beads
around her neck.

“You are mine,” she repeated and smiled. “Through Them whom we never name, we who
garb ourselves in black possess this rock we call this Earth.”

She did not yet know what she would do with her new power, but there was plenty of time
for her to think of something, plenty of secret books to be read. The old man who had led
her from the hallway to this chamber would return, one day, to instruct her, she remembered
he had said.
 ------

Thurstan saw the lights in Melanie’s house, and waited. He waited for a long time in the cold
and the darkness, trying to forget his hunger, his tiredness and the rain. At last the lights
became fewer, until all were gone, and he walked, trusting in his love and hopeful still,
toward the door. It was not locked.

There was a woman sleeping in Melanie’s bed. He did not wake her, nor the man he found
sleeping in another room, but left them and the house to walk along the dark road that
would take him to the Mynd, down into the valley and back to his cottage.

“I am an old man in a young man’s body,” he said to himself as he walked amid the rain.
Maybe some day he would love again, but the shattering of his dreams had changed him,
making him to wish to live alone, content with his translations. He did not fully understand
his recent past but he felt that Melanie’s child, when born, would be important in some way
to the world – a kind of channel for the forces which both she and Saer represented.

He had seen enough of the hidden dimensions of the world to realize his lack of knowledge,
but this lack did not bother him. He would go his own way, slowly as perhaps befitted a
hermit-scholar, seeking through the slowness of the years a kind of inner peace in the little
piece of Earth that was his home. Change would come – as it always had and always would
– and he would sigh, while he treasured what he knew.

In the rain he thought he heard a strange creator star-god sigh, but walked on – shaking his
head at the perplexity that was human life and the sadness that was the breaking of his
dreams.

Incipit Vitriol…..

In your beginnings – we, waiting.

In your quest - we are.
Before you - we were.
After you - we shall be, again.
Before us - They who are never named.
After us - They who will be, waiting.
 [Fini]

Appendix

A Note Concerning The Deofel Quartet:

The books in the Deofel Quartet were designed as esoteric Instructional Texts for novices
beginning the quest along the Left Hand Path according to the traditions of the ONA.

As such, they are not - and were not intended to be - great works of literature or novels of
literary value, and their style is not that of a conventional novel. Thus, detailed descriptions
– of people, events, circumstances – are for the most part omitted, with the reader/listener
expected to use their own imagination to create such details.

Their intent was to inform novices of certain esoteric matters in an entertaining and
interesting way, and as such they are particularly suitable for being read aloud. Indeed, one
of their original functions was to be read out to Temple members by the Temple Priest or
Priestess.

In effect, they are attempts at a new form of "magickal art" - like Tarot images, or esoteric
music.

In addition, each individual book represents particular forms, aspects, and the archetypal
energies associated with particular spheres of the Septenary Tree of Wyrd. Thus, and for
example, The Temple of Satan relates to the third sphere, the alchemical process
Coagulation, and the magickal process represented by the magickal word Ecstasy. [For
more details, refer to the ONA MS Introduction to the Deofel Quartet.]
 ONA 1.0

The Original Order Of Nine Angles

It is perhaps unfortunate that the simplicity of both the esoteric philosophy and the Seven Fold Way of Anton Long has
apparently been lost over the decades. What I prefer to call ONA 1.0 - the first iteration or release or version of "the
order of nine angles" - was in 1989 with the publication of the 127 page Naos text and was succeeded, after several
pre-2.0 "beta" versions beginning around 1998, by ONA 2.0 in 2007 with the establishment of the "nineangles" weblog,
1 then by ONA 3.0 in December 2010 with the publication of 981 page 'The Requisite ONA', and finally by O9A 4.0 in

December 2014 with the publication of the 1460 page seventh edition of 'The Definitive Guide To The Order of Nine
Angles'.

ONA 1.0 was contained in the Naos MS and supplemented by the novels of the Deofel Quintet published between 1976
and 1992, 2 and which six texts were all that were required for an individual or a partnership to embark upon the Seven
Fold Way and complete a study of ONA esotericism.

For the esoteric philosophy and Seven Fold Way of Anton Long were originally outlined in part one of the typewritten
texts that were collected under the title Naos - A Practical Guide To Modern Magick and publicly distributed in a first
edition of 63 spiral bound copies in 1989. A second edition was issued in 1990 by Brekekk which, apart from the covers
and a contact address, was identical to the 1989 version and it was from this edition that a digital facsimile was made
and distributed as a gratis pdf document.

Although the title Physis Magick was significant - referencing as it did the physis of the Pymander tractate of the
Corpus Hermeticism - it was not explained in the Naos text nor publicly explained by Anton Long or by his students
until over two decades later. 3 Neither was it referred to in the 1980s or subsequently by O9A critics or academics who
for whatever reason ignored the reference.

What was interesting and in hindsight important about ONA 1.0 was that there was no overt satanism; no insight roles;
no dialectic of interference in the world by means of politics or otherwise; no support for whatever reason of National
Socialism; no Labyrinthos Mythologicus; no labyrinthine esotericism; no polemics against other occultists of whatever
tradition or none; no propaganda designed to "sell" the ONA; and no references to opposing a "magian ethos".

This lack of complication, lack of propaganda, and lack of causal abstractions was obvious in the novels that formed
The Deofel Quintet (TDQ) for they were concerned with individuals and their interactions with other individuals as well
as with sorcery or magick 4 with this sorcery assuming a variety of forms from conventional ceremonial (group and
satanic and sexual) ritual - as in Falcifer - to hidden ancestral and communal - as in The Giving - to empathic and
Rounwytha-like and Sapphic in 'Breaking The Silence Down'. In TDQ, politics and political revolution and the overthrow
of society make no appearance, and while satanism both conventional and otherwise does, it is left to the reader to
decide what it means for the individual as for example in Falcifer where it is hinted it may be a charade or possibly a
gateway to some 'dark gods' ancient or archetypal or otherwise.

This lack of explanation, of commentary, was in my view and that of a few others a most redeeming esoteric feature.
Thus, presented here as a self-contained gratis document are the texts of ONA 1.0 enabling those interested to follow
the simple modern ONA way of sorcery.

Kerri Scott
Oxonia
December 25, 2021 ev

°°°
1. Archive: https://web.archive.org/web/20071219224932/http://nineangles.wordpress.com/ 

2. The Deofel Quintet consists of the following novels: ° Falcifer, 1976. ° Breaking The Silence Down, 1985. ° The
Greyling Owl, 1986. ° The Giving, 1990. ° The Temple of Satan, 1991/92.

3. Refer to 'The Physis Sorcery of Naos' section of 'Perusing The Seven Fold Way: Historical Origins Of The Septenary
System Of The Order of Nine Angles', 2014, included in https://archive.org/download/hermetic-o9a/hermetic-o9a.pdf

4. The English spelling Magick - as a synonym for sorcery - was used by Elias Ashmole in his Theatrum Chemicum
Britannicum, published in 1652.
 Falcifer - Lord of Darkness

(Deofel Quartet, Volume I)

Anton Long

Order of Nine Angles

First issued 1976 e.n.

This corrected text (v.1.01) issued 119 Year of Fayen

Prologue

The chant rose towards its demonic climax:

Agios o Atazoth! Suscipe, Satanas, munus quod tibi offerimus...

There was no wind on the high hill to snatch the chanted words away, and the naked
dancers twirled faster and faster around the altar under the moonlit sky of night,
frenzied from their dance and by the insistent beat of the tabors.

The two red-robed cantors sang their Satanic chant to its end while, nearby, Tanith the
Mistress, as the elder prophetess, uttered words for her Grand Master to hear: "From
the Circle of Arcadia he shall come bearing the gift of his youth as sacrifice and key to
open the Gate to our gods..."

Swiftly then to the ground the circling dancers fell almost exhausted: ruddied by
Bacchus the Great and the force of the dance as, around the altar on which Tanith
writhed, the orgy of lust began...
 ^^^^^^^

Hull, East Riding of Yorkshire, late 1960's (e.n.)

The room was dark, although the candles on the altar had been lit, and Conrad could dimly see the
witches preparing for the ritual. Their High Priestess wore a scarlet robe and came toward him, her
bare feet avoiding the circle painted on the floor and the bowls of incense which not only filled the
room with a sweet smelling perfume but also added to its darkness.

"Please", she said to him, pressing his hand with hers before re-arranging her long hair so it fell
around her shoulders, "do try and relax."

Then she was moving around the room, dispensing final directions to the members of her coven. It all
seemed rather boring and devoid of real magick to Conrad and he began to regret his acceptance. He
felt uncomfortable dressed in a suit while the others wore robes.

"Nigel!" he heard the Priestess shout, “please do not place our book on the floor!" She retrieved her
copy of the Book of Shadows and placed it on the altar before ringing the small altar bell. "Let us
begin." she said.

She stood in the centre of the circle, the four men and two women around her, raising her hands
dramatically before intoning her chant.

"Darksome night and shining moon, harken to our Wiccan rune. East then South then West then
North, harken to our calling forth..."

She was twirling round, and beneath her thin robe, Conrad could see her breasts. He found her
sexually alluring, and followed her movements intently. Perhaps, he thought, it would not be so
boring after all... suddenly, the candles flickered and spluttered. There was no breeze as cause and the
sudden darkness was unexpected. Conrad could sense the High Priestess near him but his groping
hand could not find her body.

"What is it?" he heard a nervous male voice ask.

The incense became thicker, and several of the coven coughed.

"There is nothing wrong - really!" came the confident voice of the Priestess. "Nigel - do light the
candles again."
Nobody moved. A light appeared above the altar, red and circular. It began to pulse before moving up
to swoop down and burn one of the coven. The victim fell screaming to the ground while the light
moved to rest above Conrad's head, suffusing him with its glow.

He could see the High Priestess frantically making passes in the air with her hands and mumbling
"Avante Satanas!" as she did so. But her words and gestures had no effect on him, for she was only
an ineffectual Priestess of the Right Hand Path while he knew in that moment he was chosen.

Then the pulsing light was gone, and the candles once more lit the room.

"The lights! Will someone turn on the lights!" Her voice was strained, and Conrad smiled.

The coven gathered behind her in their protective circle as if for comfort. "Go, please go," she asked
him. "You are no longer welcome here. I sense evil."

"Yes," Conrad replied, "I will go. But I will return." He stepped toward her and kissed her lips but she
drew away. "You are very beautiful," he said, "and are wasted here."

The coldness outside the house refreshed him so that he remembered he had forgotten his coat and
that a number 65C bus would bus would take him back to his University. The sodium lit streets
seemed to possess an eerie beauty in the darkness of winter and as he walked slowly along them, the
sense of the power he had felt became just a vague yet disturbing unease.

A bus disgorged him near the campus and he wandered along the concrete paths that entwined the
University without noticing the man following him. He recalled Neil's challenge to his skepticism
about witchcraft and magick, the invitation his friend had quickly arranged to the coven meeting and
his own laughter. It would be interesting, he had thought, and he would watch with scientific
detachment while the simple souls indulged their sexual fantasies under cover of the Occult.

Several times he stopped as he remembered the sensual beauty of the High Priestess, the rich
fragrance of the incense, his kiss, and several times he turned around, intent on returning to her
house. But the power, the arrogant assurance, he had felt in her house as the strange light suffused
him with it's glow was gone, and he was only a first year Undergraduate studying science, awkward
and shy with women.

Instead, he walked to the house near the campus which Neil shared with some other students. Neil
was pleased to see him. They sat in his room while in the house loud music played.

"You're back early," Neil said, and smiled.

Conrad wasted no time on trivialities. "I want you to tell me about magick."

"You're seriously interested, then?"

Conrad thought of the High Priestess, her voluptuous body, and said, "Yes!"

"Well, as you know, I have some little interest in, and knowledge of, the subject."

"So - the aim of the sorcerer is to control those forces or powers which are Occult or hidden from our
everyday perception?"

Neil seemed surprised. "Yes, exactly. Have you been reading up on the subject?"

"No."

"Then how - "

Conrad shrugged his shoulders. "It was an obvious and logical deduction."

Neil smiled. His own background was artistic, his home the city and port from which the University
derived its name, and he had met the gaunt-faced Conrad a month before while distributing leaflets
on campus. Conrad had read the proffered document and, in the discussion that followed, demolished
its content logically and effectively. The earnest young man, dressed in a suit in contrast to the casual
clothes of all the other students, had impressed him.

"Basically," Neil said, "magick symbolizes the various forces, sometimes in terms of gods, goddesses
or demons, and sometimes in purely symbolic forms. Knowledge of such symbolism forms the basis
of controlling them - according to the desire or will of the sorcerer."

"I see."

"Of course, some people believe such entities - gods, demons and so on - exist in reality, external to
us. Others believe such forms are really only part of our sub-conscious and our unconscious. In
practical terms, it does not matter which: the means of gaining control are essentially the same."

"So, where is all this symbolism?" He pointed at the rows of books in the room.

Neil handed him one. "That gives the essentials of ceremonial magick. It is based on what most
Occultists believe is the Western tradition of magick."

Conrad glanced through the book. "Which is?"

"The Qabalistic. The Occult world and the forces within it are represented by what is called the Tree
of Life which consists of ten stages or sephira. Each sephira corresponds to certain things in the
world - human, divine, and of course demonic."

Conrad looked directly at him. "Most Occultists, you say? Then what do you believe?"
Neil was not surprised by Conrad's insight. "There is another tradition - a secret one."

"Which is?"

"It has many names."

"I'm sure. Are you going to tell me or not?"

"I have only heard of it second-hand so to speak. It is a sinister tradition - some would say Satanic. It
is based on a division of seven as against the qabalistic ten. Hence one of it's names - the septenary
system."

"And you have details of this system?"

"I know some people who know a group who use it."

"And through such a magickal system one could obtain one's desire?"

"It is possible, yes."

"Then when can I meet them - these Black Magickians?"

II

"So you are the Black Magickian I have heard so much about?" Conrad gave the man a disdainful
look before sitting in the proffered chair.

The room, like the man, was not impressive. Dreary paintings hung from drab walls and a human
skull lay atop a pile of paperback books containing horror stories.

"Some call me a Black Magickian." The man was dressed in black and wore a medallion around his
neck bearing the symbol of the inverted pentagram. "Your friend Mr. Stanford informed me of your
interest in the Black Arts. There are rumours about you."

"Is that so?"

"Why have you come here?" the man asked.

"You hold certain meetings."

"Possibly."

"Meetings which attract a good many people."

"Sometimes."

"One of which will be held here, tonight."

"For a neophyte you are exceptionally well informed."

Conrad smiled. It had taken Neil only a week to arrange the meeting, and he used the time well. "I
wish to attend the ritual."

"You must understand," the man said, "we have certain procedures. For those who want to become
Initiates. A testing period."

"Quite so. But you would not have agreed to see me this evening at this hour if it was not your
intention to allow me to attend."

As if to reflect on his answer, the man lit a small cigar, allowing its smoke to billow round him. "You
may attend the first part of the ritual. The second is, I'm afraid, for Initiates only. And then,
afterwards, should you wish, we shall talk further about the matter." He stood up. "Come, you must
meet some of our members."

He was led into a back-room of the spacious house. The windows were covered with long black
drapes and the walls were painted red. A large wooden table, covered with a black cloth, served as
the altar upon which were lighted black candles, a sword, several daggers, silver cups and chalices. In
one corner of the room stood an almost life-size statue of a naked woman in an indecent posture,
reminding him of a Sheila-na-gig. Around the altar the members had gathered in black robes, but they
did not speak to him and he was left to stand in his suit by the door while the magickian walked
toward the altar. He took up the sword, struck it against the dagger, saying 'Hail Satan, Prince of
Darkness!'

The congregation echoed his words, raising their arms dramatically while he removed the robe from a
young woman before helping her to lie naked on the altar. She was smiling as she lay, her taut conical
breasts rising and falling in rhythm with her breathing and Conrad watched her intently.

One by one the congregation came forwards to kiss her lips.

The magickian kissed her last, turning to face his congregation saying. "I will go down to the altars in
Hell."

They responded. "To Satan, the giver of ecstasy."

"Let us praise our Prince."

"Our Father which wert in heaven, hallowed be thy name, in heaven as it is here on Earth. Give us
this day our ecstasy and desires and deliver us to evil as well as temptation for we are your kingdom
for aeons and aeons!"

The magickian inscribed in the air with his left forefinger the sign of the inverted pentagram, before
saying, "May Satan be with you."

"As he is with you."

"Let us affirm our faith."

In union, they pronounced their Satanic creed. "I believe in one Prince, Satan, who reigns over this
Earth and in one Law, Chaos, which triumphs over all. And I believe in one Temple, our Temple to
Satan, and in one Word which triumphs over all: the Word of Ecstasy! And I believe in the Law of
this Aeon which is Sacrifice, and in the letting of blood for which I shed no tears since I give praise
to my Prince the fire-giver and provider as I look forward to his reign and the pleasures to come in
this life!"

The congregation continued their litanies in a similar vein while the magickian made passes in the air
with his hands over the body of the woman upon the altar. He was chanting something, but Conrad
could not hear what it was, and he watched as the magickian raised a chalice over the woman,
deliberately spilling some of the wine it contained over her body. He showed the chalice to the
congregation before placing it between the woman's thighs. Then one of the congregation came
forward to stand by the altar and chant.

"I who am mother of harlots and queen of the Earth: whose name is written by the agony of the
falsifier Yeshua upon the cross, I am come to pay homage to thee!" She kissed the woman upon the
altar.

Then there was something in her hand which Conrad could not see, but she too made passes with her
hands over the naked woman, chanting while she did so. She held up to the congregation what
Conrad assumed to be a host.

"Behold," she said, "the dirt of the Earth which the humble shall eat!"

She laughed, the congregation laughed, and then she threw the host, and others which she held, at the
congregation who trampled them under their feet. "Give me," she said to the woman upon the altar,
"your body and your blood which I shall give to him as a gift to our Prince!"

The magickian was beside her as the woman on the altar raised her legs into the air. But two of the
congregation ushered Conrad from the room. Outside a woman waited.

"I am called Tanith - at least here!"

Conrad stared at her. Her grey hair was cut short, accentuating her features and her clothes were a
stunning blend of indigo and violet. There was beauty in her mature features and a sexuality evident
in her eyes. "I'm sorry?" Conrad said.
"Come, let us talk."

She led him to a comfortable room where a warming fire had been lit, deliberately sitting close to
him.

"Your impressions of the ritual," she asked directly.

He had recovered sufficient to say, "Too much pomp and not enough circumstance."

"Humour, as well. A most pleasing combination! What is it that you seek?"

"Knowledge."

"Like Faust? Do you also wish to sell your soul to the Devil?"

"I do not believe there is a soul or a Devil to sell it to."

"And what you have seen, here tonight? Is it what you are seeking?"

He had felt there was no real magickal power in the ritual, no mystery to enthrall, nothing numinous
to attract him. There had been only the trappings of sex and what had seemed almost a boredom in
the satanic invokations, and he had begun to realize as he watched and waited that he wanted
something more than sex. He desired a return of the power he had felt a week ago at the beginning of
the wiccan rite. The satanic ritual had disappointed him - but Tanith intrigued him.

"I must admit," he said, "I was disappointed."

"But I interest you."

"I - "

"Why be embarrassed? It is a perfectly natural feeling." She smiled, and moistened her lips with her
tongue. "But first to other matters. I could introduce you to a Master who could instruct you. For you,
like everyone need to learn. Are you prepared to learn?"

"From someone I can respect."

"Unlike our friend Sanders tonight."

"Yes - unlike him." It was Conrad's turn to smile. Tanith's perfume seemed exotic to him, and he
found it difficult to avoid looking at her breasts, partly exposed by the folds of her unusual clothes.
"So this evening's entertainment was just a charade?"
"How acute of you! And such hidden talents. But not a charade, exactly."

"An inducement?"

"For some: those lacking your talents." She leant toward him. "Tomorrow, you shall meet the person
you are seeking. There will be a price to pay, though."

Conrad was dismayed. "I have no money."

"I was not thinking of money."

"What then?"

"Such innocence!" She leant closer, so close he could feel her breath upon his face and see the fine
lines around her eyes. Then she was kissing him. He was so surprised he moved away.

Suddenly, she understood. "You've never done this before, have you?" She touched his face gently
with her hand. "Well, I'd better make it memorable then."

Outside, in the darkness, it had begun to snow.

III

Conrad lay in his bed a long time. Dawn was breaking, but he possessed no desire to rise quickly and
run, as had been his habit for years, five or more miles before his breakfast whatever the weather.
Neither did the prospect of lectures excite him any more. Instead, he felt languid and satiated. Tanith
had taken him to a bedroom in the house wherein their passion had flowed to ebb slowly in the hours
after midnight. Her departure was sudden, the house empty, and he was left to walk back to his own
college room through the snow-covered streets of the city, happy and pleased with himself.

He was still thinking about Tanith when someone knocked on the door of his room. He dressed
hastily.

"Conrad Robury?" asked the tall well-dressed man.

Conrad was suspicious, for the man kept nervously glancing around. "Who wants to know?"

"I'm Fitten. Paul Fitten. You are in danger. Grave danger!" He gestured toward the briefcase in his
hand. "It's all in here. If only you will listen. Please, I must talk with you."

"About what?"

"Those Satanists! They want to make you their opfer! You are in danger! I do not have much time.
Look," and he opened the briefcase, "study these books, please. Take them."
Reluctantly, Conrad took them.

"They are after me," Fitten said, glancing around. "They want to stop me, you see. Read the books, it
is all in there. I shall call again. But they are coming - I sense them coming near. I must go now!
Here, my address." He gave Conrad a printed card. "We must talk soon."

Fitten rushed along the corridor and down the stairs.

Alone again, Conrad sat at his desk to study the books, curious about them. The first book was
entitled 'Falcifer - The Curse of Our Age' and was printed on shoddy paper in a small and unusual
typeface. The title page bore no details of the publisher only the words 'Benares, Year of Our Lord
Nineteen Hundred and Twenty Three' and the author's name, R. Mehta.

'Falcifer,' the book began, 'is the name they have chosen. Working in secret, even now they are
planning his coming. He is the spawn of Chaos, the leader of those dark gods which even Satan
himself fears. For centuries his secret disciples have deceived us and are deceiving us still, for he is
not the Beast...'

"Darling," Conrad heard a voice behind him say, "are you ready?"

Tanith came forward and kissed him. "Come, leave your books - I have need of you."

The invitation pleased Conrad, and he forgot about the books, Fitten and everything else. Only Tanith
was real, and he surrendered himself to his passion. Afterwards, she dressed herself quickly saying,
"We must go. The Master is waiting."

"Of course."

She touched the three books Fitten had bought and, one after the other, they disintegrated into dust.

"The books! - " Conrad began.

"They are not important. We must go now." She threw him his clothes.

He walked beside her, surprised but pleased when a chauffeur ushered them into the luxury of the
waiting car. Several students turned to look, and Conrad was secretly proud.

The car took them from the city and along country roads to the tree-lined and long driveway of an
impressive house. A fierce looking and very tall man with the build of a wrestler opened the car door,
and Conrad followed Tanith up the steps of the house and into the hall. He was led through doors and
elegantly furnished passageways to a verandah where a man sat reading.

"Welcome," the man said, and indicated the chair beside him. "Welcome Conrad Robury. You are
most welcome in my house."

Tanith shut the door to leave them in the cold outside air.

"Come, sit beside me," the man said

His beard was neatly trimmed, his dark clothes thin and seemingly unsuitable to the weather. His
voice had a musical quality with a veiled accent that Conrad could not identify, but it was his eyes
which impressed Conrad most.

"You wish to learn?"

"Yes," Conrad replied, shivering from the cold, although he tried not to show it.

The man smiled. "I am called Aris - at least here! Tell me, Conrad, is it a return of the feeling which
you felt after a certain - how shall we say? - well-endowed lady began her wiccan ritual?"

Conrad was amazed at the man's knowledge of his inner feelings.

"Perhaps," Aris continued, "you are beginning to understand that it was not change that brought you
here. Perhaps, also, you are beginning to realize that you may have found what - or should I say
whom - you are seeking. Do you, then, wish to learn from me the Art whose secrets you believe I
know?"

"Yes."

"And you wish Initiation?"

"Yes I do."

"You have a special Destiny to fulfill - and I shall guide you toward the fulfillment of that Destiny.
Are you then prepared to accept whatever conditions I may make?"

"Yes."

"You appear unsure - which is good. It is only fitting that you are apprehensive. Our path is difficult
and is only for those who dare. The ritual of your Initiation will take place soon, and afterwards you
will begin to study our way. But you should understand that, as from yesterday, your experiences are
formative and part of your quest - it is for you to understand them."

It had begun to snow again, and Conrad was shivering from the cold despite the elation he felt at
being accepted. There was a knock on the door that led to the verandah, and Aris the Master smiled.

"Enter!" he said.
Tanith entered and Aris rose to greet her with a kiss. "You have met my wife, of course." he said to
Conrad.

"Your wife?" Conrad said as he also stood, suddenly warmed by the shock.

"Yes, darling!" Tanith said, and kissed Conrad's face.

Conrad was perplexed but the Master said, "See, how profitably you have spent the last twelve hours.
Already you are beginning to learn. You see, I know what has occurred between you and Tanith." He
laughed. "There are no Nazarene ethics here!"

"In fact," Tanith added, "no ethics at all!"

"Come, Conrad, I have a present for you: a gift of your Initiation."

It was a somewhat dazed Conrad who followed Aris to another room. On a couch, a dwarf with a
pugnacious face was apparently asleep.

"Conrad Robury, meet Mador your guide."

At the sound of his name, Mador sprang up, did a somersault and landed near Conrad where he gave
a mock bow.

"Charmed, I'm sure!" he said.

"A word of warning - he is a fool," Aris said.

"Bah!" Mador replied. "Ignore him - he's a liar!"

"Show Conrad the house," Aris said.

"Yes, Master," replied Mador, bowing and winking at Conrad.

Aris left them alone. "You are Conrad," Mador said. "Well, I shall call you - Professor! Come!"

The passage that led away from the room was long, adorned with oil paintings and antique furniture.
He was shown a small laboratory, the library, the many bedrooms on the floor above, each decorated
and furnished differently. Some seemed luxurious, others austere and a few quite bizarre with walls
like trapezoids and no windows. The gardens around the house were large with well-tended lawns
and Mador pointed to the dense wood that formed their boundary at the rear.

"Not at night," he said breaking the silence between them and shaking his head, "not alone."
"Why not?"

Mador ignored the question. "The cellars! I forgot the cellars!" And he hit himself on the head.

The door to the cellars was locked, and Mador kicked it in anger.

"What does Aris do?" Conrad asked.

"The Master? Do?" replied Mador perplexed. "Why, he is a Magickian!" he cupped his hand to his
ear, listening. "Come Professor. It is time. Yes, it is time!"

"For what?"

"For the Professor. She is calling me."

Mador led him to a dining room. "She waits," he said indicating the door, and left him. Tanith was in
the room, seated at the table where only two places were laid.

"Sit, here beside me," she said to him.

"Won't your husband be joining us?"

"The Master? Why, no!" She rang the silver hand bell.

A maid came to serve the hors d'oeurve. Conrad thought her very pretty, but she refused to look at
him.

"Did you enjoy your tour?" Tanith asked him as she elegantly devoured her melon.

"Yes - and no."

"Why no?"

"I was still thinking - about you and me and your husband."

"We are different, as you are learning."

"So he does not mind?"

She smiled. "What do you think?"

"I think I'm beginning to understand."

"Excellent! You will be staying here, with us, of course for the next week, few weeks or whatever."

"I had not though about it. My studies - "

"They are more important to you than the goal you seek? Than the pleasure you find with me?"

"Of course not."

"Whatever belongings you wish to have around you will of course be brought here from your present
lodgings."

"And if I didn't want to stay?"

"You are free to go any time." She rang the bell, waiting until the maid completed her duties before
speaking again. "However, should you leave - there can be no returning."

"I see."

For some time they ate in silence. "How long might my stay be?" he finally asked.

"However long it takes."

"A test of my desire for Initiation?"

Tanith smiled. "Possibly. Do try the wine, an excellent year. Or so I am told."

"I don't drink alcoholic substances."

"Really? How extraordinary!" She drank from her own glass. "Judging by last night and this morning
you do not seem like a Buddhist to me."

"It be-clouds the senses?"

"Buddhism?"

"No - wine and other such beverages."

"Or relaxes them!" She raised her own glass. "To Bacchus the Great!" The glass was soon empty. "I
suppose," she said lasciviously, "the cultivation by you of one vice at a time is sufficient - for the
moment!"

Conrad sighed. He felt he was being manipulated to some extent; but he also felt he did not care. His
memory of his passion with Tanith was strong.
"Can I see you tonight?" he asked. "I mean - "

"I know what you mean," she said softly. "I'm sure it can be arranged. Such youthful vigour!" She
closed her eyes. "To paraphrase a certain French author - 'The pleasures of vice must not be
restrained.'" She rang the bell again. "You will have a rather full afternoon and evening, I
understand."

"Doing what?"

"Oh, various things. You have not eaten very much."

"Bit excited, I suppose."

"Coffee?"

"Yes, please."

The maid returned to whisper into Tanith's ear. "Come," Tanith said to him.

By the outside door in the hall, the wrestler stood holding a man by the arms. Conrad recognized him.
It was Fitten.

"Alright, Gedor," Tanith said.

The wrestler nodded his head and released Fitten.

"You must get away!" Fitten shouted at Conrad. "They are cursed! They want you as their - "

Tanith gestured with her hand and Gedor's fist knocked Fitten over, bloodying his face. Conrad saw
Tanith smile.

"Escort him away," she said to Gedor, "and lock the gates."

She closed the door. "Fitten will not bother us again."

"You know him then?" Conrad asked, surprised.

"Yes, we know him. He calls himself a White Magickian. Runs a group of sorts in the city. You are
in demand, it seems."

"Must be my natural charm!"

She did not respond. Instead her eyes betrayed no emotion.

"The Master awaits you. In the library. Go now." She turned and walked away.

In the library Conrad could see no one. The room was dim, and he was about to open one of the
shutters that had been closed over the windows when he heard a voice behind him.

"Be seated," it said.

He saw no one, but sat at the table. Behind him he heard footsteps.

"Do not look round," the voice like that of the Master said.

"Your Initiation will be tonight. Are you prepared?"

He was not, but did not want to say so. "Yes," he lied, trying to convince himself.

"After the ritual of your Initiation there will be a task for you to complete. But now you must
meditate".

The sudden blow enfolded Conrad in darkness.

IV

Conrad awoke in darkness. His neck ached, and he was lying on a hard surface. On both sides he felt
a cold, rough wall. The mortar between the bricks crumbled as his fingers touched it. No sounds
reached him, and the steel door that sealed him in the cell would not open.

He lay for a long time, thinking about his life, Tanith, the Master and the Satanic group to which he
assumed they belonged. Once and once only he felt afraid, but the fear soon passed as he remembered
how Neil has spoken of the tests of Initiation. The darkness and the silence soon worked their magick
upon him, and he fell asleep.

The loud click awoke him, and he rose to see the door swing slowly open, spreading a diffuse light
into the cell. He waited, but no one came. Outside, stone steps led up along a narrow passageway and
he climbed them slowly. The passage led to a circular room whose light was emanating from a sphere
upon a plinth in the centre and, as he stood watching the light pulse in intensity and change slightly in
colour, he felt the room begin to turn. Was he being deceived - or was the room really turning? He
could hear a distant, sombre chant and smell a rich incense, and was surprised when the movement
stopped and what he thought had been a wall part to reveal a large chamber below.

Steps led down to where black robed figures stood around a stone altar. The Master was there, and
Tanith, clothed in white, and she gestured to him. Somewhere, drums beat and cantors sang a
mesmeric chant in a language unknown to Conrad. Tanith was smiling, and he walked down and
toward her.

"You," Aris the Master said to him in a voice that was almost chanting, "have come here, nameless,
to receive that Initiation given to all who desire the greatness of gods!"

Two figures whose faces were hidden by the hoods of their robes came forward to hold Conrad and
roughly strip him until he was naked.

"You have come," Aris was saying, "to seal with an oath your allegiance to me, your Mistress here,
and all the members of this our Satanic Temple."

Tanith came toward him, and kissed him on the lips. "I greet you," she said, "in the name of our
Prince! Let the Dark Gods and His legions witness this rite!" She turned to the congregation. "Dance,
I command you!! And with the beating of your feet raise the legions of our lord!"

The Master was chanting something, but Conrad could not understand it.

"Drink!" Tanith said to Conrad, offering him a silver chalice.

He did, draining the wine until the chalice was empty.

"Gather round, my children," Tanith said, and the congregation obeyed to enclose Conrad in their
circle, "and feel the flesh of our gift!"

They came towards him, smiling, and ran their hands over his flesh. Conrad was embarrassed, but
tried not to show it. One of the congregation was a young woman and she stood for what seemed a
long time in front of him so he could see her face enclosed within the hood of her robe. He thought
her beautiful, and she ran her hands over his shoulders, chest and thighs before caressing his penis,
smiling as he became erect. Then she was gone, enclosed again within the circle of dancers and he
found himself held by strong hands and blindfolded.

He could hear Tanith's voice, the chant, and the dancers as they moved around him.

"We rejoice," Tanith was saying, "that another one comes to seed us with his blood and his gifts. We,
kin of Chaos, welcome you the nameless. You are the riddle and I an answer and a beginning of your
quest. For in the beginning was sacrifice. We have words to bind you through all time to us for in
your beginnings, we were. Before you - we have been. After you - we will be. Before us - They who
are never named. After us - They will still be. And you, through this rite, shall be of us, bound, as we
are bound by Them. We the fair who garb ourselves in black through Them possess this rock we call
this Earth."

Then the Master was before him. "Do you accept the law as decreed by us?"

"Yes, I do," Conrad answered.

"Do you bind yourself, with word and deed and thoughts to us the seed of Satan without fear or
dread?"

"Yes"

"Then understand that the breaking of your word is the beginning of our wrath! See him! Hear him!
Know him!"

The dancers stopped, and gathered again round Conrad to briefly touch him.

"So you," the Master said "renounce the Nazarene, Yeshua, the great deceiver, and all his works?"

"Yes, I do."

"Say it!"

"I renounce the Nazarene, Yeshua, the great deceiver and all his works!"

"Do you affirm Satan?"

"I do affirm Satan."

"Satan - whose word is Chaos?"

"Satan - whose word is Chaos!"

"Then break this symbol which we detest!"

A wooden cross was thrust into his hands, and he broke it before throwing the pieces to the ground.

"Now receive," the Master continued, "as a symbol of your faith and a sign of your oath this sigil of
Satan."

Tanith gave the Master a small phial of aromatic oil, and with the oil Aris traced the sign of the
inverted pentagram on Conrad's forehead, chanting 'Agios o Satanas!' as he did so. Aris held Conrad's
arm while with a sharp knife Tanith cut Conrad's thumb, drawing blood which she spread over her
forefinger to draw the sigil of the Temple over his heart.

"By the powers we as Master and Mistress wield, these signs shall always be a part of you: an auric
symbol to mark you as a disciple of our Prince!"

"Now you must be taught," he heard Tanith's voice say, "the wisdom of our way!"
Two of the congregation came forward and forced him to kneel in front of her.

"See," she said, laughing, "all you gather now in my Temple: here is he who thought he knew our
secret - he who secretly admired himself for his cunning! See how our strength over-comes him!"

The congregation laughed, and he felt his hands being bound behind his back. For a second he felt
fear, but it was soon gone, replaced by anger and he tried to wriggle free from his bonds.

"A spirited one, this!" he heard Tanith's voice mock. "Listen!" she said to him. "Listen and learn!
Keep your silence and be still!"

Conrad strained to hear. There was a rustling, a sound which might have been made by bare feet
walking over stone, the chant ending, and then finally silence. He lay still even when he heard
someone approaching him as he lay on the floor of the Temple. He felt a warm hand softly touching
his skin, felt a woman's naked softness next to him and smelt a beautiful perfume. He did not resist
when soft arms moved him to lie beside her, and he began to respond to her kisses and touch.

"Receive from me," the woman whispered, "the gift of your initiation."

Bound and still blindfolded, he surrendered himself to the physical passion she aroused and
controlled, and his climax of ecstasy did not take long to reach. When it was over, she removed the
cord which bound his hands and then his blindfolded. Conrad recognized the young woman who had
caressed him earlier. On the altar lay a black robe and she gave it to him before ringing the Temple
bell.

The sound was the signal for the congregation to return, and each member greeted Conrad, their new
Initiate, with a kiss. Chalices of wine were handed round and he was given one. He sipped it while
around him an orgy began.

"Come," Tanith said to him, "we have other duties."

She led him out of the chamber, through a passage and up well-worn stone stairs to a wooden door.
The door was a concealed one and led into a hut. Outside, it was night, but the snow-scattered light
illuminated the woods, and he followed Tanith through the snow, shivering from the cold. She did not
speak, and he did not, and it seemed to him a long walk back to the house. Inside, it was warm and
smelt vaguely of incense.

"Rest now," Tanith said, and kissed him.

He held her and caressed her breasts.

"I have to go," she said without smiling. "Gedor will show you to your room."

Conrad was surprised when out of the shadows Gedor stepped forward, grim-faced.
The room he was led to was unfurnished except for a bed, but it was warm and Conrad soon settled
himself under the duvet to read the book that lay upon the pillow. 'The Black Book of Satan' the title
read.

The first chapter was called 'What is Satanism' and he was reading it when he heard strange, almost
unearthly, sounds outside. He drew back the curtains and to his surprise found they concealed not a
window but an oil painting. It was a portrait of a young man dressed in medieval clothes and he
stared at it for some time before realizing it was a portrait of himself. It bore a signature he could not
read, and a date which he could: MDCXLII. "1642" he said to himself. The colours of the painting
seemed dulled a little with age, the canvas itself cracked as if to confirm the antiquity of the portrait.

The strange sounds had stopped, and were replaced by loud laughter outside the door. He went to it,
but it was locked.

Baynes was a quiet, almost shy man in his late forties. His handsome features, his neatly trimmed
bear - black with streaks of grey - his wealth and the soft, mellow tones of his voice made him
attractive to many women. He was well aware of this, and made efforts to avoid being left alone with
them. A bachelor, his only interest outside his work was the Occult and he had acquired the
reputation of regarding women as distant objects of chivalry. His abstemiousness in this matter gave
rise to rumours that he was a homosexual but he did nothing to dispel them except explain when
pressed on the matter by some of his friends in the Occult and magickal groups he frequented that he
regarded women as a hindrance in the attainment of the highest grades of Initiation.

Dressed in an expensive suit, he sat in the Sitting Room of one of his comfortable city houses
listening to Fitten talk about the group of Satanists. It was after midnight, and uncharacteristically he
was becoming bored. Several members from his own Temple of Isis sat around him in the subdued
light, and some of them were trying to resist the temptation of sleep. Fitten had been talking, in his
own disjointed way, for nearly an hour, explaining his theory about the origins of the Satanist group.

"It is an old tradition," Fitten was saying, "a very old tradition. A racial memory, perhaps, of beings
who once long ago came to this Earth. For we have been deceived. They are not of the Beast, not of
those Others about whom one writer has written, decades ago. We need to understand this, you see:
need to finally understand the truth. We have been deceived about them."

Fitten paused to wipe seat from his forehead with his coloured handkerchief and Baynes took the
opportunity to interject.

"I have taken the liberty," he said, "of contacting a colleague of mine in London who is well-known
as a leading authority on Satanism and he has agreed to come and talk to us about the Satanist group
to which the gentleman to whom Mr. Fitten referred to belongs - "
"Conrad Robury," interrupted Fitten.

"The group to which Mr. Robury now, apparently belongs," continued Baynes, "has interested us for
some time. Since the murder of Maria Torrens, in fact. You will all, no doubt, recall the brutal facts
of that case."

He could see his audience now paying attention.

"As you will remember, her naked and mutilated body was found on the Moors, her head resting on
what the Police assumed to be a Black Magick altar. An inverted pentagram had been cut on her skin
by a sharp knife - a surgical scalpel, I was told. Discreetly of course, I was asked for my opinion.

"At first I and the Police investigating the matter were of the opinion that the killing was a motiveless
one with no genuine Occult connections, the murderer or murderers providing the 'Occult' evidence
to confuse. For, as you will recall, some rather scurrilous newspapers ascertained and published
details regarding the lady's rather unfortunate background. She was a 'Lady of the Night' - "

"A prostitute," someone said, and giggled.

Baynes ignored the remark. " - who frequented the area around this city's dockland. She was last seen
apparently accepting a lift in a vehicle driven by an attractive middle- aged lady. Shortly after the
newspapers published their story, the Police received an anonymous call, naming a suspect. The man
was quickly traced, and interviewed and then arrested when he confessed to the crime. He himself
had a rather dubious reputation, and said that he had driven Miss Torrens to the scene of the crime
and persuaded her to adorn herself in an Occult manner. Apparently, he had been to the motion-
pictures and seen some scenes in a film.

"He later retracted this confession and claimed to have been forced to give it by a man whom he
continually referred to as 'The Master' whom he claimed had himself committed the brutal murder.
He further alleged that this 'Master' was the leader of a group of Satanist's here, in this city and had
killed Miss Torrens during a ritual for his own diabolic ends. He made a statement to the Police to
this effect, but shortly afterwards began acting rather strangely, and withdrew that statement. During
subsequent weeks before his trial he made several other statements, each more ludicrous than the
other - for instance, one referred to beings from another planet landing in a 'space-ship', abducting
him and Maria.

"It was at the trial, you may well remember, that the Prosecution proved by the testimony of a very
respectable witness that Maria and the defendant had been seen together on the Moor only a few
hours before her death. The defendant was sentenced to life imprisonment, and was found, some
weeks later, hanged in his prison cell. After the trial, I began my own quiet investigation into Satanist
groups in this area - and subsequently uncovered one organized by a certain gentleman whom his
followers call 'The Master'. This group uses and has used several different names, and has Temples in
various other cities. Among its names are 'The Temple of Satan', 'The Noctulians' and 'Friends of
Lucifer'."
Fitten was slumped in a chair, apparently asleep, and Baynes smiled at him, in his gentle was, before
continuing. "The group is very selective regarding members, and tests all the candidates for Initiation.
These tests are sometimes quite severe and sometimes involve the candidate undertaking criminal
acts - this of course serving to bind the candidate to the group as well as giving the group evidence to
blackmail the candidate with should he or she later prove uncooperative. Unlike most so-called
Satanist and Black Magick groups which are usually only a cover for one or more persons criminal or
sexual activities, this particular group does work genuine magick, and seems to possess quite an
advanced understanding of the subject. Apparently, they follow their own sinister magickal tradition
based on the septenary system - or Hebdomadry as it is called.

"Since the Maria Torrens case we, acting with a number of other 'Right Hand Path' groups in this and
other areas, have tried to infiltrate this Satanist group, always without success. Until recently, that is."

Smiling, he waited for the exclamations of surprise to subside before he continued. "This member -
whom I shall for obvious reasons call only Frater Achad - has given us valuable information, and he
is shortly to be initiated into the sect. What we are hoping is that he can provide us with details
regarding members, their magickal workings as well as information regarding their activities which
we can pass onto the Police. As I have said, some of their activities verge on the criminal. There are
probably others, of a kind of which we are at present unaware, and of course there is always the
possibility that Frater Achad can provide us with evidence regarding the Maria Torrens case.

"Naturally, I have told you this in the strictest confidence. Frater Achad is in a delicate - not to say
dangerous - position."

Suddenly, Fitten was on his feet, pointing at Baynes. "We must act now! Don't you understand?" He
turned and faced the other people present. "Don't any of you understand? We cannot afford to wait!
We must act now to destroy them! Soon, their power will grow - so great we, and others, can do
nothing. Listen! They will do a ritual to open the gate to the Abyss. An opfer - they need an opfer to
do this, and offering of human blood. Do you want another death on your hands? Once the Gate is
opened they will possess the power of the Abyss itself!"

"Mr. Fitten," Baynes said gently, "I - we all - share your concern about them. But we must plan and
act carefully in this matter."

"I shall show you!" Fitten shouted. "I shall stop them! Me! Because I know their secrets! I don't need
any of you!"

No one followed him as he left the room and the house.

"Our brother," Baynes said, "needs our help. Let us meditate for a while and send him healing and
helpful vibrations."

As they closed their eyes to begin, laughter invaded the room. All present heard it, but no one could
see its source. But it was soon gone, and Baynes and his followers of the white path of magick soon
resumed their own form of meditation, praying to and invoking their one or many gods according to
their many and varied beliefs. The laughter was only one incident and did not undermine their
security of faith.

Outside, in the cold and above the snow which covered the ground deeply, an owl screeched in the
darkness and silence of the large ornamental garden. The cry startled them more than the demonic
laughter.

VI

The voice awoke Conrad, and he roused himself from his troubled sleep to see Mador standing beside
his bed.

"Breakfast, Professor?" the dwarf asked again.

"What?"

"Breakfast?"

"What time is it?"

"Time to rise and eat!" He handed Conrad a neat pile of clothes. "Hurry! Rise and eat"

"Leave me alone," Conrad said. His dreams had been disturbing, his sleep broken, and he felt in need
of rest.

"The Master sent me," Mador replied, and smiled.

Wearily, Conrad sat up in his warm bed. The room itself felt cold. "Alright. I won't be long."

"I wait for you - outside."

Conrad dressed slowly in the black clothes someone had selected for him before following Mador to
the dining room. The maid was waiting, ready to serve him from the many dishes and he was not
surprised when Mador left him. He was surprised when the young lady who had sexually initiated
him entered the room to sit beside him.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked him, and smiled.

"Er, yes thank you," Conrad replied in his surprise.

"Do try the kippers," she said to him. "From Loch Fyne. Delicious!" she gestured toward the maid
who began to serve them both.
"Do you live here?" Conrad cautiously asked her.

"You are sweet!" she chided him. "I suppose you could say that. I'm Susan, by the way."

"Conrad," he said unnecessarily and held out his hand.

She did not take it and he was left to awkwardly shuffle in his chair.

"Did you like your room?" She asked.

"Well, it was unusual."

"They all say that!"

" 'They?' " he asked.

She ignored his question. "Has the Master explained what you will be doing today?"

"No."

"I'm sure he will want to see you - after you have eaten." She gestured toward the kipper with which
the maid had served him.

"I'm not very hungry, actually."

She laughed. "You're not a vegetarian by any chance, are you?"

"No, of course not."

"After all the energy you expended last night," she smiled at him, "I would have thought you'd be
ravenous!"

Conrad blushed at this reminder of the passion they as strangers had shared.

"Such innocence!" she said,

"There is a painting in my room," he said to cover his embarrassment. "Is it very old?"

"Have you read any of the book that was left in your room?"

"A little. It's very interesting."

"It's a beginning," she shrugged. "Just a beginning."

"Have you been involved with this group long?"

"That's a quaint way of putting it! 'This group!' You mean, have I been a Satanist a long time?"

The woman's self-assurance, his own discomfort at being a guest in an unusual and luxurious house,
and his shyness with women all combined to make Conrad wish he was elsewhere - at his lectures,
preferably, learning about the mysteries and beauties of Physics. But as he sat looking at the young
and quite beautiful woman beside him and as he remembered the bliss they had shared, he began to
feel a confidence in himself. It was as though some of the power he had felt during the wiccan ritual
over a week ago had returned.

"Yes," he said smiling at her, "how long have you been a Satanist?" He said the last word with relish,
as though consciously and proudly committing a sin.

"I was brought up with it - baptised into it."

"Really?"

"Naturally, there was a time when I began to question it, and was given the freedom to do so. In fact
even encouraged."

"By your parents?"

"But once you have tasted paradise on Earth, it is irresistible!"

"Why do you evade some of my questions?" Conrad asked, his confidence growing.

Her eyes seemed to him to sparkle as she answered. "Because I am a woman and like to be
mysterious!"

Without quite realizing what he was doing he leant toward her and kissed her lips. She did not draw
away, and out of the corner of his eye he could see the maid pretending to look out of the window at
the garden. Across the room, he heard a discreet and almost gentlemanly cough.

Aris stood by the door. "If you have finished," he said almost smiling, "perhaps we can talk."

"Of course!" Conrad said, surprised.

"In the library." He turned around and left.

"Can I see you - later?" Conrad asked Susan.

"Do you really want to?" She teased.

"Yes!"

"Perhaps. You'd better not keep him waiting."

"No." He stood up, bent down to kiss her, then decided against it.

The door to the library was open, and Aris was already sitting in a chair by the desk.

"Come!" The Master said in greeting.

Conrad sat opposite trying not to appear nervous.

"The power you felt before," Aris said, "is returning to you. As you hoped it would. This is one result
of your Initiation. For you must understand, Initiation into our way is similar to opening a channel, a
link, to those hidden or Occult powers which form the real essence of magick."

Conrad was impressed, but Aris continues in his unemotional way. "Those powers you may use for
whatever you desire. For sexual gratification, should you so wish. Such power as you feel and have
felt will grow, steadily, with your own Occult and magickal development. What occurred last night is
but the first of many stages in that development. Are you then prepared to go further?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"There is a task I wish you to undertake, a task connected to your Initiation. But you must understand
that you have been chosen for more than just this and such other tasks as may be necessary for your
own magickal development. For remember I have said that you have a special Destiny to fulfil. What
this Destiny is, will become clear when the time is right. You are important to us, as we to you.
Because of this you are more to me and my comrades in magick than a mere Initiate, a beginner in
the ways of our dark gods. Remember this, Conrad Robury. I extend my hospitality to you and not
just of my house, as you know, because you are more than another novice.

"Now to your task. It will, for a short while, take you away from the house."

Conrad sensed that, whatever the test was, it would partly be a test of fidelity to Aris and his Satanic
group.

"You are familiar with someone called Paul Fitten," Aris said.

It was not a question, but Conrad still answered, "Yes."

"You are to go to him and persuade him that you wish to help him. Then you must endeavour to
undertake a magickal ritual with him. It will be a qabalistic ritual, but never mind. During this ritual
you are to redirect the power brought forth - which you must help to generate - so that it takes control
of Fitten, harms him in some way. Do you understand?"
"Yes."

Aris stared at him, then smiled. "You understand part of it - yes. For you believe I aim to test your
morals by asking you to harm by magickal means another individual. But there is more, as you will
discover. Now, I have a gift for you - a gift of your Initiation." He placed a silver ring with an
ornamental stone on the desk. "Wear it always from this day as a sign of your desire to follow our
ways."

Without thinking Conrad began to place the ring on the third finger on his right hand.

"The other hand," Aris said.

Conrad obeyed. The ring was a perfect fit.

"Now, Conrad Robury, you must go to accomplish your task. Susan, as my Priestess, will go with
you."

Conrad was at the door when Aris said, "Do not let them - or anyone - try to remove your ring."

VII

Susan, obviously prepared, had driven him straight to Fitten's house. It was a small house, bordering
a quiet road near the edge of the city and a dog ran out toward them, barking, as they walked along
the path to the door. Susan stared at the dog, and it whimpered away.

Conrad knocked loudly on the door, as a Policeman might. Fitten bore no visible scars of his ordeal at
the hands of Gedor and greeted them warmly.

"Come in!" he said. "Please come in! I knew you would come! It was in the chart, you see!"

He led them into a room crowded with books and dimly lit but where a coal fire burned warmly.

"Please, be seated!" he enthused. "I have so much to tell you!"

"This is Susan," Conrad said.

"Yes, yes! How did you escape?"

"Escape?" asked Conrad.

"From the house of the Satanists? You were there, yesterday."

"Oh, them. They seemed only too anxious," lied Conrad, "to let me go after you appeared. One of
them mentioned something about 'magickal attack. Perhaps they thought I would be a burden to them
in that case."

"As you would, as you would my son!"

Conrad winced.

"Did you read the books I gave you?" Fitten asked.

"They destroyed them."

"Ah! They are evil, evil incarnate!"

"But who are they?"

"You do not know?" Fitten looked amazed.

"No. Should I?"

"Perhaps not. It is not important. You are here, now, that's what important."

"I wish," Conrad said and sighed, "someone would tell me what this is all about. I get invited to this
party at a house, meet a right bunch of weird characters. Then you appear and are thrown out. Then
one of them shows me this Temple they use. I'm a bit out of my depth, here."

"They need an opfer, you see. For their Mass. Not a Black Mass - no, something far worse, something
more vile and sinister. You had all the right qualities. Just what they needed. They knew that after
you attended that meeting of the Circle of Arcadia. They know. They have spies - agents - infiltrators
in most groups."

A slim, young woman appeared in the doorway of the room. "Would you like some tea, dear?" she
asked her older husband.

"What?" said Fitten.

"Tea. Would you like some?" She innocently returned Conrad's smile.

"Why not! Why not indeed!"

She had gone when Conrad spoke. "You said they needed an opfer - a sacrifice."

"I did? Quite! They needed - still need - someone young. They have a tradition, you see, of
sacrificing a young man aged twenty one. But only for this important ritual. The time of this ritual is
near. They will have power from it. Not just Occult power. No, real power! They channel the
magickal forces, you see, into a practical form - sometimes a person, sometimes an institution, a
company, or something like that. Such use of magick is real black magick, real evil! They fermented,
these worshippers of the darkest of dark forces, the French Revolution - the blood spilled was a
sacrifice, an offering to their strange alien gods. They brought about with their magick the Third
Reich. Now they prepare again!" He wiped the sweat from his forehead with his hand.

"But why me?" Conrad asked, trying to appear serious.

"You were a key to open the gate to the powers, the dark powers of the Abyss. Their Black Magick
rites would use this power! I have sent for help."

"Sent for help?"

"A Magus. The most powerful White Lodge has been alerted. They will send a Magus."

"You do not want to deal with it yourself?" Conrad asked.

"I? I have no authority! A council must be convened: all the Magister Temple must be invited."

"But if the situation is as serious as you believe," Conrad resisted the temptation to smile, "can you
afford to wait. Surely you must do something yourself."

"Well," Fitten sighed, "I did a little ritual. Last night."

"And it worked. I am here."

"I am thankful to the Lord for that. They might try and get you back - or find another opfer." He
slumped in his chair, looking pale and tired.

Suddenly, Conrad conceived an idea. "Will you excuse me a moment," he said, "I must go to the
toilet."

Fitten said nothing, and stared into the fire. Conrad left. He found Fitten's wife in the kitchen of the
house.

"Making tea?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Any special kind?"

"No, just ordinary tea."

"I prefer Formosa Oolong myself." He closed the door.

"I wouldn't know!"

"There's a lovely tea shop in the city centre which serves a good selection. Perhaps you've been
there?"

"No," she said and turned away from him.

"It's really lovely sitting there of a winter's evening watching people pass in the street. You must try it
sometime."

"Maybe."

"You look very tired," he said, softly.

"It's been a hectic week."

"Perhaps you need a break - away from the house."

"Maybe," she said dully.

"Please don't be offended, but perhaps I could take you out to dinner one evening?"

"I'm sorry?" she said with genuine surprise.

"You looked so sad, standing there," he said with kindness in his voice.

"I'm just tired."

"Would you like to come to dinner with me one evening? I know a rather nice restaurant."

"It's very kind of you to ask," she said formally.

"I'm not being kind. It would give me great pleasure to have the company of a beautiful woman for an
evening. And you are beautiful."

"I'm a married woman!"

"And a beautiful one. When did you last dine out?" He could see that the question pained her
although she did not answer.

"Would he really miss you for one evening?"

She looked at him briefly then lowered her eyes. He moved toward her and held her hand, gently
caressing it with his fingers. She closed her eyes, and he was surprised by her reaction as he was by
his own confidence. It was as though he had become another person. He bent forward to kiss her but
she moved away.

"Please," she pleaded, but made no move to free her hand from his.

"Tonight," he said, "About eight o'clock?"

"I don't know."

"I'll collect you about a quarter to eight, then."

"The lady who came with you - " she asked.

"My sister?" he lied. "She wants to talk to your husband about witchcraft, I think. Can't say I find the
subject of interest, myself. I'm studying Physics at the moment."

She finally withdrew her hand from his. "At the University?"

"Yes. Do you know it?"

"I went there," she said shyly.

"Really? What did you study?"

"Geology."

"I've always been fascinated by that subject. You must tell me about it - tonight."

"I didn't complete my course."

"To get married?"

"No. Well, not exactly." She turned away to complete her preparation of the tea. She gave him the
tray. "Would you mind?" she asked.

"Not at all! Tonight, then?"

She smiled and held the door open for him. "We'll see!" she said.

Down the dark hallway of the house he could hear Fitten's agitated voice.
"Tea?" he said, entering the warm room.

"Mr. Fitten," Susan said, "is thinking of performing a ritual here tonight."

"Oh? Why?"

"Well," Susan continued, "I suggested it would be a good idea at this moment in time. To strike now,
when they are unprepared."

"I don't know, I don't know!" said Fitten, shaking his head.

"I have explained" Susan said to Conrad, "that I myself am a Second Degree Witch, so I can assist."

Suddenly, Fitten stood up. "Yes! We must act! I feel it is right! The time is right! You are right."

"If it would help," Susan said to him, "I have something taken from the house of the Satanists." She
fumbled in her handbag.

Fitten took the silver medallion inscribed with an inverted pentagram and the word 'Atazoth'.

"Atazoth. Atazoth," he mumbled. "Yes, this would be very suitable; very suitable indeed. Where did
you get it?"

"Conrad found it in the house."

"Yes. I gave it to her. All this Occult stuff does not really interest me. Not any more."

"But you are, " Susan asked him "prepared to partake in a ritual with us."

"Of course. As I explained to my sister," he said to Fitten, "although I don't understand all of this, I'm
prepared to help. I trust her judgement."

"Good! Good!" Fitten said. "Tonight, you say?" he asked Susan.

"It would be best. You could get assistance? For I have heard you have many contacts. I would of
course leave the type of ritual up to you - since you have far more knowledge and experience of
ceremonial than I."

Fitten was pleased by Susan's praise. "I would have to make some telephone calls."

"Naturally. What time would you suggest?" Susan asked.

"Eight o'clock. The hour of Saturn!"

"Surely," Conrad said, "the sooner we begin the better. How about now?"

"Now? Now?" Fitten looked amazed.

"There is you, me, my sister - your wife."

"My wife?"

"Such a ritual as we need to do may be dangerous."

"But surely she has assisted you before?"

"Of course! Many times, in fact. We need more time to prepare."

"But we have the medallion," Susan suggested.

"Even so - "

"Do you intend," Susan asked, "to conjure force and send it against the Satanists?"

"Yes. Yes, I had thought in such terms. Psychic attack! I can remember the face of that evil woman!"

"What woman?" Conrad asked.

"That evil woman who was with you in their house!"

"Tanith is her name."

"I thought so! The spirits speak to me, you see. The Lord is with us!" He stared at them both as if
possessed. "Yes! We will act now!" Then he was quiet again and softly spoken. "I will make a few
telephone calls - perhaps some friends of mine can come at short notice."

As soon as he left the room, Susan asked, "You have a plan?"

"Indeed! It should be interesting!"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Susan asked, smiling.

"Yes! I feel really alive! Bursting with energy!"

^^^^^^^
Fitten was not away long. "Three others!" he announced on his return. "Three have agreed to come!"

"It bodes well, then," Conrad said.

"My Temple - we will wait for them in my Temple."

"Your wife will be participating?"

"Yes, she will. Come, I will show you my Temple."

The Temple was a converted bedroom. There was no altar, only a large circle inscribed on the floor
around which were magical names and signs. IHVH, AHIH, ALIVN and ALH. The name Adonai
was the most prominent and various Hebrew letters completed the circle's adornment, The walls of
the room were grey and white, and inside the circle on the floor stood a small table covered with a
sword, several knives, candles and bowls of incense. The sword and knives were inscribed with
writing the Conrad, from even his cursory study during the last week of the qabalistic ceremonial
tradition, recognized as the magickal script called 'Passing the River'.

"We must meditate while we wait for the others," Fitten said as he lit several candles scattered around
the floor.

"Bring good vibrations to assist us."

Following Susan, Conrad sat on the floor. He closed his eyes and imagined the room filling with
demons and imps. He was almost asleep when Fitten's wife brought the remainder of the participants,
two rather plump men and a woman with an unsmiling sallow face.

"Let us begin!" Fitten announced dramatically. He gave his congregation white robes and offered
some to Susan and Conrad who declined. "Let us stand within the circle!" he announced.

Conrad deliberately stood next to Fitten's wife with Susan beside him. Then Fitten was pointing the
tip of the sword at the painted circle on the circle on the floor.

"I exhort you," he shouted, "by the powerful and Holy names which are written around this circle,
protect us!"

He put down his sword, held a piece of parchment up and then sprinkled incense over the floor. "Let
the divine white brilliance descend. Before me Raphael, behind me Gabriel, at my right hand
Michael, and at my left hand Auriel. For before me flames the pentagram and behind me stands our
Lords' six pointed star. Elohim! Elohim Gibor! Eloath Va-Daath! Adonai Tzabaoth! City of Light,
open your radiance to us. We command you and your guardians, by the Holy Names - Elohim
Tzabaoth! Elohim Tzabaoth! Elohim Tzabaoth! Twelve is our number."

"Twelve," repeated the others present, with the exception of Susan and Conrad.
"There are twelve," Fitten continued, "twelve signs of the Zodiac."

"Twelve signs of the Zodiac."

"Twelve labours of Hercules."

"Twelve labours of Hercules."

"Twelve disciples of our Lord!"

"Twelve disciples of our Lord."

"Twelve months in the year!"

"Twelve months in the year."

"Let us adore," Fitten chanted, "the Lord and the King of Hosts. Holy art thou Lord, thee who hast
formed Nature. Holy art thou, the vast and the mighty one, Lord of Light and of the Darkness. Holy
art thou, Lord! By the word of Paroketh, and by the sign of the rending of the Veil, I declare that the
Portal of the Adepts is open! Hear the words! These are the words - Elohim Tzabaoth! Elohim!
Tzabaoth!"

He bent down to scribble a sign on the parchment, then held it up, circling round sun-wise as he did
so. "Come!" he shouted. "Come to me! To me!"

Conrad assumed the sign was of a demon, taken from the Lessor Key of Solomon.

"Behold the sign!" Fitten was saying. "Behold the Holy Name and my power! EIO! EIO! EIO!
Tzabaoth! I command you! Appear! EIO! Tzabaoth!"

The candles began to dim, and Conrad could sense the anticipation of the participants. He saw Susan
close her eyes. She, too, was speaking, but softly so the others might not hear. He caught the words
'Agios o Satanas' as she exhaled but heard nothing more.

Then a vague, ill-defined and almost luminescent shape appeared in the corner of the room.

"Yod He Vau Heh!" Fitten shouted.

Almost immediately, Conrad took the hand of Fitten's wife in his own. She seemed to grasp it
eagerly, and he stepped back, placing his foot over the painted circle. He could feel a force pulling
him, and he closed his eyes to concentrate, willing the force into Fitten's wife.

She screamed, and fell to the floor. Then was she standing, her hair disheveled, his face contorted and
almost leering. She raised her hands like claws and began to walk slowly to where Fitten stood.
Hurriedly, Fitten tried to burn the parchment he was holding in the flame of one of the candles, but he
burnt his fingers instead. His wife was laughing and had ripped open her blouse to reveal her breasts.

Suddenly, as if realizing what had happened, Fitten stared at Conrad. He held the medallion Susan
had given him over the flame of the candle and as he did so his wife stopped, her hands held
motionless before her, her lips bared in a silent snarl. Susan gripped Conrad's arm, and he turned to
see her face contorted in pain.

There was a demonic strength in Conrad as he saw this, and his body tensed as he willed Fitten's wife
nearer and nearer to her husband. He could sense the elemental force within the room and tried to
shape it by his own will to make Fitten's wife take the medallion from his hand. She touched the
chain, and then the medallion, but did not scream as the heat from the candle burnt her flesh, its smell
invading the darkening room. She threw it to the ground to turn to face her husband, her hands
reaching up towards his bare neck.

Then, quite suddenly, she stopped. Conrad felt another force within the confines of the room. It was a
powerful force, opposed to him and he watched as Fitten's aura became visible, flaming upwards in
patterns of red and yellow and curling up over his head before it turned to inch closer and closer
toward him. Fitten's wife turned to walk in pace with the advancing colour-changing aura toward
where Conrad stood. There was something Conrad did not understand about all this as he strove to try
and will the advancing force away. Two names suddenly entered his mind. Baynes; Togbare an inner
almost laughing voice said, and he was wondering what to do next when he remembered the last
words of Aris his Master.

He held out his left hand to show Fitten his ring.

"The ring! We must get his ring!" one of Fitten's followers shouted.

They moved toward Conrad, slowly it seemed as if in slow motion, and as they did so Fitten's aural
light was sucked into the ring. Then all magickal power in the room was gone, and he could see
Fitten, his mouth open, his eyes staring, his face white. Fitten's wife had stopped again and was
slowly falling to the floor.

They reached her, but she was dead.

VIII

An exhausted Conrad had slept in Susan's car on their return journey to Aris' house. The death of
Fitten's wife had ended the ritual and a crazed Fitten had lunged at Conrad who had time only to raise
his arms in self-defence before Susan knocked Fitten unconscious using Martial Arts techniques.
"Go, please go" one of Fitten's group had said, and they had left unmolested.

The Master was waiting for them in the hall, and he ushered Conrad into the library where a log fire
had been lit.

"I gather there were certain complications," Aris said.

"Unfortunately."

"Tell me, then, what transpired - exactly as you remember it."

Conrad told his story - Fitten's wife, how he planned to use her during the ritual. The qabalistic
conjuration of Fitten. His own breaking of the circle. The aura and the presence. Finally, he spoke of
the ring which had drained the hostile magick away.

"Oh," concluded Conrad, "I remember two names. They just came into my mind before I was
remembered about the ring."

"Are you certain it was before?"

"Yes."

"Certainly, that is interesting. And the names?"

"Baynes and Togbare."

Conrad thought he detected a look of surprise on Aris' face.

"You know them?" he asked.

"I have heard of them."

"Are they important?"

"You spoke of Fitten mentioning the White Lodge. Do you know what that means?"

"Only that it is supposed to be a group of Occultists who follow the Right Hand Path."

"It is a loose term used to describe a group of followers of that path who are dedicated to
counteracting the activities of groups such as ours. Most are also followers of the Nazarene. This
White Lodge fears that we will unite to use our powers against them. There are some who believe a
'Black Lodge' exists for just this purpose. Paranoia, naturally." He smiled, and the sinister nature of
his appearance in that moment became evident to Conrad. "Or at least it was."
"This White Lodge," Aris continued, "tries to infiltrate Satanist groups, disrupt them, and so on. They
conduct rituals for just such a purpose. The Council of this Lodge - an extremely secret organization -
oversees all these activities, and its present head is a certain Frater Togbare."

"I see," quipped Conrad, nervously.

"Then perhaps you will explain what you see."

"It was not Fitten I was struggling with toward the end of the ritual but this White Lodge."

"Probably."

"But how - how did they know?"

"Through Fitten himself. You said he had claimed to be in contact with them before the ritual."

"Yes." Earnestly, he looked at Aris. "If this White Lodge is so powerful why did they allow Fitten's
wife to die?"

Aris smiled. It was not a pleasing smile. "Once brought, such power has to be used, directed. It was
dissipated, one could say, through the woman's death."

"They could not have saved her?"

"Yes, they could have, but they were unprepared for the ring."

"The ring?" Conrad stared at it. It looked ordinary, now in the light of the room and the fire.

"It was a link - between you and Susan."

"Susan? I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"You will."

His tone precluded, it seemed to Conrad, any further discussion of the matter. "But the woman's
death," Conrad asked, "surely there will be complications? The Police - "

"Will not be involved," completed Aris. "The White Lodge - or rather the individuals composing it -
are quite influential. Death by natural causes, I am sure will be the verdict."

"But surely I - I mean, what occurred during the ritual - will have started something? Fitten and the
others will surely not let the matter stop there."

"What occurred was a warning to them - a prelude. There will shortly be a ritual undertaken by us in
which you will figure. Recall the mention I made of your Destiny. The time for fulfillment is near .
Now they know our strength and our power, as I wished!"

"So it was more than just a test for me - of my Initiation?"

"Yes! As your Initiation was more than just another Initiation. But you are tired, and in need of
sustenance. Go then, and feast yourself. We will meet again, and soon."

He walked to a shelf and took down a book before opening it and beginning to read. Conrad left the
library to find Susan waiting.

"Shall we eat first?" she asked him quizzically.

"I'm sorry?" he said obtusely, still suffering from his contact with Aris.

"Which appetite do you want to satisfy first?"

He smiled, and she took his hand leading him toward the stairs and her room. It was luxurious, warm
and vaguely perfumed, and he was surprised by her eagerness for she had soon stripped him and
herself of clothes. She was remembering the ritual, the momentary exhilaration of rendering Fitten
unconscious but most of all the death they had induced as she sought through Conrad to satisfy her
lust.

"I want you!" she almost pleaded and screamed, and Conrad in his inexperience believed her. But his
own physical experience was growing along with his magickal-inspired confidence, and he sought,
and succeeded, to prolong his own pleasure and hers. In the bliss of his satiation he fell asleep, his
limbs entwined around her body, and it was in the deep of night he awoke, to find himself alone.

Thirst and hunger roused him from her bed, and he dressed to wander from the room. The house was
lit but with subdued and warming light, and he walked cautiously down the stairs, hoping to find
someone awake. The silence unnerved him, a little, and he stood by the open door to the dining room
for some minutes before going in.

The table was laid for one. The servers' door still swayed, a little, and he was about to push it open to
peer into the serving room and kitchen's beyond, when the maid opened it.

She indicated the chair, and he obediently sat at the table. Several times he tried to engage her in
conversation, and each time she turned away. Her expression never changed, and twice he asked her
after Susan but she continued with her duties, mute and efficient. He was served soup, a course
containing fillet steak, and he was sitting shrouded in silence and replete from the food drinking his
coffee alone when he saw a light in the garden through the window.

It was a torch, wavering in the distance. Vaguely, he could discern a person running. Intrigued, he
extinguished the lights in the room to watch the figure weave closer toward the house. The snow was
bright, and as the figure passed by, he recognized Fitten, and Conrad soon had the window open.
He clambered through, surprised by the intense cold outside. Fitten must have heard him, for he
turned around and shone the light from the torch into Conrad's face.

Then Fitten was screaming and running toward him. "You killed her! Devil!" he shouted.

Fitten swung the torch at Conrad's face, but Conrad parried the blow as Fitten tried to grapple. Then,
they were both on the ground, rolling over and over in the snow with Fitten trying to pummel
Conrad's face with his fists. Desperate, but determined, Conrad butted Fitten's head with his own.
Dazed, Fitten rolled away and Conrad was about to stand and drag him to his feet when Aris and
Gedor walked out of the house toward them.

"How pleasing!" Aris said. "He has arrived just in time to join our little celebration. Bring him!" he
commanded Gedor, and Gedor obeyed, lifting Fitten easily.

They were returning toward the house when Aris said, "We have other unwelcome guests, I sense."
He appeared to be listening to something no one else could hear, then turned to Gedor. "Release
him!"

Gedor dropped Fitten into the snow. Aris bent over him, gripping his neck in his hand and saying in
an almost sibilating voice, "He is dead already! Give him to them if they wish it!"

He released Fitten, who fell dazed. Then Aris was gone, into the shadows of the trees beside one side
of the house, and as he did so two mean appeared, walking over the snow from the front of the house.

"I'm sorry to intrude," the tallest of them said to Conrad, "but we have come for him."

"What do you want?" Conrad asked aggressively.

"My name is Baynes - " the tall man said.

"Baynes?" Conrad repeated, and then remembered.

"Yes. Now, about Mr. Fitten - "

"You are not welcome here," Conrad said.

"That is no surprise to me. We have come to escort Mr. Fitten home. I am very much afraid the recent
death of his wife has unsettled him."

Fitten had stood up, his head bowed and he appeared to be crying.

"Take him," Conrad said.

"Thank you Mr. Robury."

Conrad was surprised at the use of his name. "Go, now," he said. "This is private property."

"This place and that attitude," Baynes said gently, "do not suit you. If at any time you wish to come
and talk with me - "

Conrad was beginning to get angry. "Push off!"

"You do not realize what is happening to you, do you?"

"Gedor - " Conrad said, gesturing toward Baynes. He was half-surprised when Gedor, obeying him,
moved forward menacingly.

"We shall take our leave," Baynes said, holding Fitten's arm.

Conrad watched them go. Someone was walking toward him from the house, and he turned to see
Susan.

"Our ritual will begin soon," she said. "Come, I must prepare you - for the fulfillment of your Destiny
is near."

His anger had left him by the time they reached the libation chamber, beside the hidden Temple, with
its sunken pool. He stood watching Susan as she stripped naked to bathe. The sight aroused him,
while nearby in the Temple, he could hear that Satanic chanting had begun.

IX

Only once did Conrad think about the death of Fitten's wife - but he did not care. He had and did feel
the pure exhilaration of life, the joy - the blissful ecstasy of living totally without planning and almost
without thought. There was an exuberance within him which he felt he was beginning to need.

Events were happening to him, rather than being controlled by him, but he possessed a strong sense
of his own importance, a strong belief that life had chosen him for something, and he drifted into the
events with wonder but little fear. His life, since the light suffused him during the wiccan rite, had
been enhanced. Was what he felt, he briefly thought, the ecstasy that warriors found in war and which
they sought again and again? That bliss of being so near oblivion that there was a pure joy in the
ordinary moments of living? Was this, he wondered, the true meaning of Satanism?

He did not know, nor particularly care, so far had magick re-made him, and he followed Susan down
the steps into the Temple with greedy anticipation, proud of his robe which had been waiting for him
beside the waters of libation, and proud that he had physically possessed Susan, the beautiful Satanic
priestess.
Near the altar on which Tanith lay naked, a crystal tetrahedron glowed, adding to the light from the
candles. The congregation were gathered round the altar and their Master stood nearby, holding up
the wax effigy which had lain on Tanith's womb.

"I who delivered you in birth now name you," he said, but Conrad could not hear the name Aris
pronounced and blessed with the sign of the inverted pentagram.

Susan took the effigy, and dressed it while the Master raised his arms.

"I will go down to the altars in Hell," he said.

"To Satan, the giver of life," responded the congregation.

Conrad stood within their circle, raising his voice in the Satanic prayers that followed. He knew the
Satanist 'Our Father' and Creed by heart.

Aris began the chanting which followed. 'Agios o Satanas!' he sang. It was then that Conrad noticed
the small coffin beside the altar, and a black shroud, ready. The chanting continued as Susan assisted
Tanith from the altar before clothing her in a crimson robe.

"We" Tanith said to them all, "curse Paul Fitten."

"We curse Paul Fitten."

"He," she said, with glee, "will writhe and die."

"He will writhe and die."

"By our curse, destroyed!"

"By our curse, destroyed!"

"We shall kill him!" she laughed.

"We shall kill him!" the congregation, Susan, Aris and Conrad laughed.

In the shadows, someone beat a hand-drum, capturing the rhythm of the chant.

"We shall glory in his death!" Tanith, as Mistress of Earth, said.

"We shall glory in his death!"

Tanith made passes with her hands over the effigy, chanting as she did so, before picking it up and
showing it to the worshippers gathered around her.

"The Earth rejects him," she said.

"You reject him," the responded.

"I who gave you birth, now lay you down to die!" She placed the effigy in the coffin, secured the lid,
and wrapped the shroud around it.

"He is dead!" She said.

"He is dead! By our curse, destroyed!"

Slowly, Susan led the dance and the chant. "Dies irae, dies illa, solvet saeclum in favilla teste Satan
cum sibylla. Quantos tremor est futurus quando Vindex est venturus, cuncta stricte discussurus. Dies
irae, dies illa!"

The chant was strange to Conrad, almost unearthly, but he quickly learnt it as he danced and chanted
with the others, counter sun-wise around the altar. The dance and the chant were becoming quicker
with every revolution, and he was almost glad when Susan pulled him away. She did not speak, but
took him down with her to the floor while Tanith stood over them, saying "Frates, ut meum vestrum
sacrificium acceptabile fiat apud Satanas!"

Susan kissed him as they lay on the ground and Tanith kneeled beside them to caress Conrad's
buttocks and back. In the excitement of the ritual and Tanith's touch, Conrad's task was soon over,
and he slumped over Susan, temporarily exhausted from his ecstasy. He did not resist when Tanith
rolled him over, and watched, as the dancers danced around them still chanting and the light pulsed
with the beat of the drum, while Tanith buried her head between Susan's thighs. Then she was kissing
him with her wet mouth before she stood to kiss each member of the congregation in salutation.

"You gave him his birth," Susan was chanting as she walked toward the shrouded coffin, "and with
my power I have killed him who dared to stand against us! See!" she said, laughing as she faced the
congregation who had gathered around her to listen, "how my magick destroys him! He died in agony
and we rejoiced!"

"He died in agony and we rejoiced!" they responded.

She took the coffin, placed it on the floor of the Temple and held a lighted candle to the shroud. It
burst into flames. "Our curse, by my will," she said, "has destroyed him! Dignum et justum est!"

She laughed, Conrad laughed, the congregation laughed as the shroud and the coffin burnt fiercely.

"Feast now, and rejoice," Tanith commanded them, "for we have killed and shown the power of our
Prince!"
Near Conrad, the orgy of lust began as two naked men walked down the steps to the Temple carrying
large trays full of food and wine. A woman came toward Conrad, smiled, and removed her robe, but
Susan took his hand and led him back up the steps.

She did not speak, and he did not, but bathed with him in the libation chamber, to dress herself and
wait while he dressed, and take him back to the house. The room to which she took him was dark and
empty.

"You felt no power in the ritual?" she suddenly asked as they stood beside each other in the coldness.

"Yes" he lied.

"You must be honest with me," he heard Aris' voice say. Light came slowly - a soft light to reveal
only the bare walls of the room and Susan standing and smiling beside him. There were no windows,
and the door was closed.

"Do not be afraid," Susan said in her own voice.

"I am not afraid," he answered honestly.

"Tell me, then, about the ritual," Susan asked softly.

"There was something," he said, "but not what I expected."

"Am I what you expect?" she said with Aris' voice. She was watching him, waiting.

Momentarily, Conrad had the impression that Susan was not human at all - she was something
unearthly which was using her form and Aris' voice, something from another Time and Space. But he
had touched her, kissed her, felt the soft warmth of her body. Confused, he stood watching her. She
was not the young woman he had known: her eyes became full of stars, her face the void of space.
She became Aris, and then a nebulous chaos that was incomprehensible to him.

He could feel within him her longing for the vastness of space. There was a sadness within this
longing, for it had existed before him and would exist after his own death, thousands of years upon
thousands of years. He would have to understand, he suddenly knew - he would have to understand
and help before this sad longing, this waiting would be over.

Then she was Susan again, standing next to him and holding his hand, caressing his face with her
fingers. Gentle and warm.

"You are beginning to understand," she was saying.

Her touch re-assured him. "Yes" he said, “I am yours."

The door opened, and Aris came toward him.

"Your life," Aris the Master said, "will break the seal which binds Them."

"I have no choice," Conrad said as if hypnotized.

"You have no choice," Aris and Susan said together.

Aris smiled, and kissed Susan. "You have done well, my daughter. Now you must prepare him."

It was time, Conrad understood. Yes, it was time. Susan touched his forehead, and he fell
unconscious to the floor.

Fitten was mumbling to himself as he sat against the wall of Baynes' house. He seemed harmless, and
Baynes left him alone.

"He has been like this since you returned from that house?” The speaker was an old man whose white
beard terminated in a point. He sat on a comfortable chair, his ornately carved walking stick beside
him.

"Yes," replied Baynes. Frater Togbare was his honoured guest.

"I spoke with the Council, last night," Togbare said. "We are agreed the situation is serious. You have
had no recent news from Frater Achad?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"His Initiation in the Satanic group is due, you said?"

"Yes. Sometime during the next few days. He should be able to provide us with more information
then."

"Excellent. We shall need it. I only hope we have enough time."

Fitten began to gibber, jumping up and down as he watched the guests Baynes and Togbare had
invited arrive in their cars. Togbare went to him, and touched his shoulder. The gentle touch of the
Old Magus seemed to comfort Fitten, for he sat quietly in the corner, tracing shapes on his palm with
his finger.

It was not long before all the guests had arrived and were settled in the room. They had been quietly
told about Fitten, and could ignore him.

Baynes rose to address them. "Ladies and gentlemen. You are all, I know, familiar with the reasons
why Frater Togbare and myself have called this meeting. You come here - some I know from far
away - as representatives of many and different organizations. All of us, however, have a common
aim - to prevent the Satanists succeeding in their plan." He sat down, and Togbare whispered in his
ear.

"Er, yes of course," he agreed in answer to Togbare's whispered question. He stood up again. "Frater
Togbare has suggested I briefly outline the facts of the matter to you, so that everything is in
perspective - before we begin our magickal tasks." He surveyed the eager, expectant and occasional
anxious faces before him. Six men, and four women of varying ages and manner of dress. "We
believe that the Satanist group responsible for the death by magick of Mr Fitten's wife, the present
state of Mr Fitten himself, and the murder of, among others, Maria Torrens, are acting in concert with
a number of other Satanic groups in this and other countries to perform a powerful and very sinister
ritual. This ritual has as one of it's aims, the Opening of the Gates to the Abyss - releasing thus the
psychic energy that has been stored over the ages on various astral levels as well as drawing into the
ordinary world of our waking consciousness evil entities. This opening will release powerful forces,
and change the world. It will be the beginning of an age of darkness.

"As you all know, Satanists - and here of course I refer to genuine practitioners of the Black Arts and
not the showman type - have used their magickal powers for centuries to bring about chaos, to
increase the evil in this world. Perhaps there exist some centuries old Satanic plan - I do not know.
But what is clear, what has become evident to us over the past decade of so, is that some groups are
about to perform this particular ritual which to our knowledge no one has attempted before."

He smiled, a little. "Or perhaps I should say - no one has attempted and succeeded. The power of the
most important group involved in this is immense - as I am sure you all have realized. It is not easy,
in magick, as you all know, to kill another by ritual - but they possess this power, claimed by many
others, but rarely proven.

"When this power is released by their ritual there will be immediate effects as well as more long term
ones. An increase in evil deeds - resulting from weak individuals becoming possessed by the demonic
forces unleashed. That is only one example. You all share, I know, my concern and that of the
Council which Frater Togbare represents.

"Thus we have called you here to use our combined abilities to nullify this plan and the ritual. You all
are accomplished and experienced Occultists: some working within your own groups, others, alone. I
have myself prepared a site for you." He indicated a woman seated near him, resplendent in colourful
clothes and jewellery. "Denise here will go with you, and explain the details of the ritual we propose
to undertake."

A man rose, respectfully, from his chair. "You will not be accompanying us?" he asked.

"No. Neither will Frater Togbare. Perhaps I should explain. We recently infiltrated the main Satanist
group with one of our members. We are waiting for him to contact us with important details - the
time, place of the ritual and so on. As you will appreciate this is a delicate matter, and we need to be
available as the information could be received at any time. We will both, of course, at the appointed
time of your ritual, perform one of our own, joining you on the astral. I hope this answers your
question, Martin."

"Yes. Yes, of course," the now embarrassed man agreed.

"It only remains, therefore, for me to hand you over into the very capable hands of Denise."

Denise smiled affectionately at him, and he looked away.

As they stood to leave, Togbare addressed them. "I am most pleased," he said, "that you have
responded to our call so readily at no small sacrifice to yourselves. If I may be allowed to add a
codicil to our learned friends remarks, I would remind you that the ritual which the Satanists plan
here in this city or nearby, requires at least one - possibly more - human sacrifice. Thank you all,
most sincerely."

He beamed with delight, and shook the hands of several of the guests who came to greet him.

"Shall I light the fire?" Baynes asked him when all the guests were gone.

"That would be most kind," Togbare replied. "Most kind of you. Then we must begin."

"I suppose," Baynes said as he knelt down before the hearth to light the fire, already prepared. "We
could liken this opening of the gates to the return of Satan himself - Armageddon, and the beginning
of the reign of the Anti-Christ."

"Yes, possibly."

Suddenly, Fitten jumped up. "No! No!" he screamed. "He lies!" he shouted at Togbare. "He lies! I
know! Me! For I have been given the understanding!"

He moved toward Togbare, and Baynes went to restrain him.

"Leave me alone!" screamed Fitten. "You are cursed! He must know!" He pushed Baynes away.
Togbare smiled at him.

"Listen!" Fitten said to Togbare. "We will all be opfers. Not Satan! Not Satan! Do you understand? It
is THEM! The spawn of Chaos. They have lied to us, you see. Lied to us! Oh, how they have lied and
deceived us. The Master will bring Them - They need us, you see. From the stars They will come.
The seal that holds Them in Their own dimensions will be broken! Don't you understand? They are
not the Old Ones! They have lied about that, also! The Nine Angles are the key - "
Fitten stopped, his hands raised, his face red. Then he was coughing and choking, spitting blood
before he fell to writhe and scream on the floor. Frothy blood oozed from his mouth, and his bones
could be heard breaking. His face went blue, his eyes bulged and then he was still. Baynes went to
him, but he was dead, having swallowed his own tongue.

"We must be calm," Togbare said as sudden laughter filled the darkening room. "Concentrate, with
me." Baynes came to stand beside him. "There is evil in this room. Concentrate, with me," Togbare
repeated. "The flaming pentagram and the four-fold breathing."

Gradually, the laughter and the darkness subsided.

"He is dead," said Baynes unnecessarily. He covered Fitten's contorted face with his coat.

Eerily, the telephone began to ring. "Baynes here," he said. He listened, then gave the receiver to
Togbare. "It's Frater Achad. He wants to speak with you."

"Hello!" Togbare said. "Yes, we are alone. Mr Fitten? He was here, yes. But listen, my son. Just now
he died. Here, in this room. Are you still there? Evil magick - dark powers came to us, here. Yes, I
understand. I shall pray for you, my son. Goodbye." He returned the telephone receiver to Baynes.
"He could not speak for long."

"Of course. Did he mention anything? About the ritual?"

"Only a manuscript which might be relevant. Sloane MS 3189."

"I am not familiar with it, myself. British Museum?"

"Yes. Now, about poor Mr Fitten - "

"I shall take care of everything. The Police will have to be informed, of course."

"Naturally."

"I have some influence," Baynes said, shrugging his shoulders. "I do not like to use it, but in the
circumstances - "

"I quite understand," said Togbare sympathetically.

"There will be no need for the Occult connection to become known. If you will excuse me, for a
moment. I have some telephone calls to make."

"Yes, of course."

The fire was burning brightly when Baynes returned to find Togbare still sitting in the chair and
Fitten's body still nearby on the floor. Baynes admired Togbare's calm detachment.

"His notes and papers," Togbare asked. "It might help if we perused them."

"Possibly. I have a key to his house."

"Indeed?" Togbare was surprised.

"A few weeks ago," Baynes explained, "he came to see me. He gave me the key with the instructions
to burn all his notes, papers and books should anything happen to him."

"He was expecting something to happen?"

"Apparently. But he was always liable to get excited. It was just his way."

"You did not believe him?" asked Togbare without censure.

"To be honest, no. I wish I had done. Perhaps I could have done something."

"There is nothing anyone of us could have done. You have informed the Police?"

"Yes. Someone will be arriving shortly."

Togbare smiled. "Just as Denise and the others begin their ritual."

"Of course!" said Baynes, suddenly understanding. "The Master has timed this well."

Togbare sighed. "He is powerful. Yet there is something else. Our every effort to neutralize the
magickal power of this group over the years has come to nought. I have long suspected they have
infiltrated us. The Council itself. These most recent events only confirm my suspicions."

"You believe there is a traitor?" asked Baynes with incredulity.

"I do not believe," Togbare answered quietly, "I know." He sighed again. "For this knowledge I will
die. Perhaps my death will stop them - I do not know. But I know that beyond death this Satanic
Master will try and claim my soul."

Gently, Baynes held the old man's hand. It was cold, like the room.

"It will be dawn in a few hours," Baynes said.

Then the laughter returned to haunt them - damning, demonic laughter. But it was soon gone as,
outside, they heard an owl, screeking.
 XI

Around him, Conrad sensed many people. He could not see them directly, for he was held as if
paralysed on the floor of a small chamber near the Temple. There was a pillow supporting his head,
and he looked down to see himself dressed in a black robe, the septagon sigil of the Order
embroidered in red over the place of his heart.

He could hear chanting, smell incense and burning wax. Then a voice, speaking words he
remembered from his own Initiation: "Gather round, my children, and feel the flesh of our gift!" It
was Tanith's voice, but it seemed to become very distant. Then he was asleep again, dreaming of
being in space above the Earth as it turned in its orbit around the Sun. Then he was among alien but
humanoid beings as they descended to Earth from the cold prison of space. Time rushed on, in a
fluxion of images. Primitive tribes gathered in awe and greeting for the beings who taught, guided,
controlled and destroyed among the forests and the ice. Others opposed to them came forth from
space, seeking them out to kill or capture, taking their prisoners away, back into the cold, vast prison
in space from which they had escaped, sealing them in forever in a vortex. He was there, in the
dimensions and time beyond the causal, and felt their longing to escape, to explore the vastness and
the beauty of the stars.

He awoke feeling a sense of loss. For minutes he lay still, scarcely breathing, and then he saw - or
thought he saw - Tanith enter the chamber leading a man, blindfolded and bound. She lay with him
on the floor to complete his Initiation before removing the blindfold.

"Neil, Neil!" he tried to say as he recognized the man. But the words would not be formed by his
mouth and he lay helpless and still until the image vanished. He saw Susan walking toward him, and
he closed his eyes, refusing to believe them. But she touched him, washing his face and hands with
the warm water she carried in a bowl. She was smiling at him as she gently caressed him.

"I..." he began to say.

"Don't try to move too quickly," she said. "You will take some time to recover."

Slowly, he became aware he could move his fingers, his hands, his feet and as he did so he realized
he loved her.

She kissed him, as if understanding his thought. "You understand now?"

Her eyes were beautiful, and it did not matter to Conrad that they had seemed full of stars.

"I think so," he replied.

"Together, we are a key which opens the Gate, breaking the seal which binds Them."
He did not think it a strange thing for her to say.

"Now," she said, "you are prepared. Come - for the Master awaits us."

It was as he stood up that he remembered that she was the Masters' daughter. She led him from the
chamber into the dimness of the Temple. There were no candles on the altar, no naked priestess, no
congregation gathered to greet them, indeed nothing magickal except the crystal tetrahedron, glowing
as it stood on a plinth. Only the Master and Tanith awaited them.

"The season and time being right," intoned the Master, "the stars being aligned as it is written they be
aligned, this Temple conforming to the precepts of our Dark Gods, let us heed the Angles of the
Nine!"

He gestured toward the crystal, chanting "Nythra Kthunae Atazoth!" as he did so. The light that
seemed to emanate from within it darkened and then began to slowly change colour until only a dim
blue glow remained.

"So it has been," the Master intoned, "so it is and so shall it be again. Agarthi has known Them, the
Nameless who came forth before we dreamed. And Bron Wrgon, our twin Gate, Here," and he
gestured toward Susan and Conrad, "a Key to the dimensions beyond Time: a key to the nine angles
and the trapezohedron! From their crasis will come the power to break the seal which binds!"

"They exist," Tanith chanted as Aris began to vibrate with his voice the words of power - "Nii!
Ny'thra Kthunae Atazoth. Ny'thra! Nii! Zod das Ny'thra!" - "in the angles of those dimensions that
cannot be perceived, waiting for us to call and begin again a new cycle. They have trod the blackness
between the stars and they found us, huddled in sleep and cold. But the Sirians came, to seal us and
them again in our prisons and our sleep. Soon shall we both become free!"

The Master stood with his hands on the tetrahedron, as Tanith did, and they both began to vibrate a
fourth and an octave apart, the words that were the key to the Abyss.

Susan stood beside Conrad, but she did not pull him down with her to the floor as he expected.
Instead, she held his hands with hers and stood before him. Her hands were cold, icy cold, and he
could feel the coldness invading him. Her eyes became again full of stars which spread to enclose her
face. The Temple itself became black, and all he could hear was the insistent and deep chanting of the
words which would open the Abyss. It was a strange sound, as the two voices chanted an octave
fourth apart. Conrad began to feel dizzy, and felt he was falling. A profusion of stars rushed toward
him as if he was travelling incredibly fast in Space itself. He passed a coloured, broken grid made of
pulsing lights and world upon alien world. Peoples with strange faces and bodies upon strange
worlds, beautiful and disgusting scenes: a sunset on a world with three moons, red, orange and blue; a
heap of mangled corpses, spaked and being eaten by small animals with rows of sharp teeth while,
nearby, a starship lay crashed and mangled in yellow sand... The impressions were fleeting but
powerful and came and went in profusion. And then they suddenly ended. He was alone, totally alone
in stark and cold blackness. Faintly, he could hear a rustling. It was the wind, and as he listened and
waited, faint images, growing slowly and changing in colour - violet to blue to orange then red.
Brightness came with the swift dawn, and he found himself standing amid barren rocks beneath an
orange sky. A figure was walking toward him, and Conrad recognized it. It was himself.

The figure spoke, in Conrad's voice. "The seal that bound us is no more. Soon, we shall be with you."

The man smiled, but it was a sinister smile which both pleased and disquieted Conrad.

"Now I must depart," the image of Conrad said. "But before I go I give you a reward. See me as I
have been known to those on your world with little understanding."

The figure contorted, was Satan, and was gone.

XII

"You consider it important?" Baynes asked Togbare as they stood beside Fitten's desk in the study of
his house.

Togbare read the tattered manuscript again. "It could be. It well could be."

"Anything interesting?" Neil asked. He had met them at Baynes' house as they were preparing to
leave in the dawn light. He was fresh from his Initiation ceremony, but they wasted no time
discussing it.

"Does it mean anything to you?" Togbare asked Neil.

Neil took the manuscript - several pages of handwritten sheets. He read it carefully. "Not really," he
finally said, passing it to Baynes. "They told me very little - other than to be prepared for an
important ritual very soon."

Baynes read the writing. "The ancient and secret rite of the Nine Angles is a call to the Dark Gods
who exist beyond Time in the acausal dimensions, where that power which is behind the form of
Satan resides, and waits. The rite is the blackest act of black magick, for it brings to Earth Those who
are never named." He put the manuscript back on the desk. "Sounds like Lovecraft to me," said
Baynes dismissively.

"Of that," replied Togbare, "I am aware. Yet I gain the impression, from what I have read of Mr
Fitten's notes and the little I already know, that he himself - and I am inclined to support him - that he
regarded the mythos that Lovecraft invented, or which more correctly was given to him by his
dreaming-true, as a corruption of a secret tradition. He made his Old Ones loathsome and repulsive. I
myself am inclined to believe that if such entities as these so-called 'Dark Gods' exist they might be
shape-changers, like the Prince of Darkness himself."
"What do these qabalistic attributions mean?" asked Neil, pointing to a page of the manuscript Fitten
had written. "About 418 not being 13?"

"Alas," admitted Togbare, "I do not know."

"Do you think he copied this from somewhere?" Neil asked.

"Possibly. You said they mentioned books and manuscripts in their possession?"

"Yes. 'The Master' said I might see some of them, soon. All their Initiates, apparently, have to study
them."

"We shall have to wait, then," said Baynes.

"Possibly, possibly," mumbled Togbare. He began to search among the files that cluttered the desk
and the room itself. "There is a tradition," he muttered as he searched, "that Shambhala and Agharti
have their origin in a real conflict between cosmic forces at the dawn of Man. It is a persistent
tradition, in all Occult schools, and this may point to the tradition having at least some basis in fact."
He sat in the chair at the desk. "I am old," he said, shaking his head, "and the Inner Light that guides
our Council has been my strength for many, many years. Even as a young man I saught the mysteries.
Yet, here I am, many years later, and still I lack understanding. There is evil around, even here - in
this room. I sense it. What is happening and has been happening for years is distorting the Astral
Light. We seem to be about to face a new, darker, era. We seem no nearer a solution. Perhaps we
have looked in the wrong areas. We believed the Satanists who have caused the distortion to be literal
worshippers of the Devil. Then they became for us followers of To Mega Therion, their word
Thelema. Now, when it is almost too late, we discover they have no Word, except perhaps Chaos -
that what they plan is perhaps even more sinister and terrible than we imagined."

"But there is time," Neil tried to say, helpfully, "I am aware there is. Conrad Robury - "

"Ah!" Togbare's eyes brightened.

"If he is important to them in what they plan, then why has he appeared only now? Surely more
preparation is required."

"You know the gentleman, I believe?" Togbare asked.

"Yes," said Neil. "I introduced him to the wiccan group."

"And arranged an introduction with Mr Sanders," added Baynes.

"Yes I did."
"Even though," said Baynes quietly, "you knew Sanders to recruit for the Master and his group."

"Well, when you suggested I infiltrate them myself, I thought it would be a good ploy. Show my
intent, so to speak, to introduce someone who might be useful to them."

"And so it has proved," said Togbare.

"What are you suggesting?" Neil asked Baynes, as though he had not heard what Togbare said.

"I am not suggesting anything," replied Baynes, softly.

"Come! Come!" chided Togbare, "let us not quarrel. There are elementals about, trying to divide us
and disrupt our plans."

"I am sorry," Baynes said sincerely. "I'm just tired. You must forgive me."

Togbare looked at him with kindness. "When did you last sleep?"

"I don't know. A few days ago, perhaps. There has not been time."

"May I suggest," said Togbare, "that you return to your home for a few hours rest?"

"But surely, I can help here?"

"Yes, of course In a few hours time. It will not take all three of us to search these files." He indicated
a small pile on the desk, awaiting their attention. "Please, do go and get some rest."

"If you are sure," said Baynes.

"Yes, of course. We shall return to your home within the next few hours."

"Will you be alright?" Baynes turned to leave.

"Do not worry!"

Togbare waved to him through the window. The snow still lay heavy upon the ground, but the sky
was clear. "He works very hard," he mumbled to himself before returning to sit by the desk. "This
Conrad Robury," he asked Neil.

"Yes?"

"He had no previous interest?"

"No. None. He was a friend, studying science. It all started out as a bit of a joke, actually. He thought
all of the Occult was nonsense. So I suggested that as a scientist he should study the subject at first
hand. But there was always something about him. I don't quite know what - perhaps his eyes.
Sometimes when he looked at me I felt uneasy. He was a very intense young man. I know it may
sound funny, but he was very earnest in an almost puritanical way."

"He could be the sacrifice they need."

Neil sighed. "I know" His eyes showed the sadness and the guilt he felt at the possibility.

"Do not worry," said Togbare sincerely. "If that is what is planned, we shall save your Conrad
Robury."

"Did I hear," a voice from the doorway said, "someone call my name?" Conrad stepped into the
room.

"Conrad!" Neil said with pleasant surprise. He started to walk toward his friend, but Togbare
restrained him by grasping his arm.

"Wait," Togbare advised. He looked at Conrad. "By what right do you dare to enter here?"

Conrad smiled. "By the right of my Word - Chaos!"

"Conrad," Neil said, "what's happened?"

"You thought," Conrad said hatefully to him, "to betray us! You will not stop us! Neither of you will.
You!" he pointed at Neil, "are coming with me!"

"He is staying," said Togbare, using his stick to help himself stand.

"You do not frighten me, old man!" Conrad said. He moved toward Neil, but Togbare raised his stick.
Conrad felt a sudden and severe pain in his stomach. He tried to move forward, but the pain
increased, and he placed his hands on his abdomen, grimacing with pain.

Silently, Susan came into the room to stand beside him. She touched his hand, and the pain vanished.
He stared at Togbare, concentrating on shaping his own aura into a weapon. He formed it using his
will into an inverted septagon which he aimed at Togbare.

The effect was minimal, for Togbare still smiled and raised his stick. From it's tip white filaments
flowed to form a flaming pentagram above the Mage's head. The pentagram came closer and closer,
sending purple filaments toward Conrad who held up his ring to absorb them. But however hard
Conrad tried he could not will any force to oppose the filaments. The ring simply kept absorbing
them. For every one filament absorbed, three new ones arose until both he and Susan were enclosed
in a purple web. Desperate and determined, Conrad concentrated on his ring, remembering the chant
he had heard in the Temple. The concentration and visualization seemed to work, for a bright red bolt
broke forth from his ring, hurtling toward Togbare. But the Magus simply held out his palm which
harmlessly absorbed the light. Conrad could feel his power being slowly drained away. Then he
remembered.

Susan's hand was near and he grasped it tightly. She leant against him and he felt a force rush through
him. She was laughing, the power she gave him was strong and he had time only to fashion its primal
chaos into the sign of the inverted pentagram before it sped across the room in accordance with his
desire. It touched Togbare's stick, knocking it from his hand as the purple web which enclosed the
Satanists shattered, then disappeared.

Togbare was unharmed, but his power was gone."You have powerful friends, I see," he said.

"You cannot stop us!" Conrad laughed.

Togbare smiled, and bent down to retrieve his stick. Cautiously, Conrad stepped back. "Do not
worry," Togbare said. "My power - like yours - is for the moment gone. But it will return, and soon."

Conrad went toward him and tried to grasp the stick. He wanted to break it over his knee. But some
force around Togbare kept him away. It was as if when he got within a few feet of the Magus he
became paralysed.

"It is your evil intent," Togbare said, and smiled, "which holds you back."

Conrad ignored him. Instead, he caught hold of Neil, twisting his arm behind his back. "You're
coming with us!"

"He will be of no use to you," said Togbare. "As your Master will soon realize."

"We shall see!"

"Please," Neil pleaded, "don't let them take me!"

"They cannot harm you, my son," Togbare said. "Trust me. Now I have seen their power, I know
what to do."

Neil was unsure, and struggled to be free. Conrad held him round the throat. "So much for his power,
eh?" he said as he pushed Neil toward the door.

"Conrad, Conrad!" Neil pleaded. "What's happened to you?"

"You're to be our sacrifice!" Conrad said, and laughed.

"Help me! For God's sake help me!" Neil cried out.
"It's too late!" gloated Conrad. "We need your blood!"

Susan had her car waiting outside the front door of the house, and Conrad pushed Neil into it, holding
him down as she drove away toward their Satanic Temple.

XIII

For several hours Togbare stayed in Fitten's house. At first, following the departure of Conrad and
Susan with Neil, he sat at the desk and meditated, gradually restoring to himself, by breath control
and mantra, the power he had lost during the astral combat.

Afterwards, he studied Fitten's manuscripts, notes and books, and it was almost noon when he stood
up from the desk. In his absorption, he had not noticed the cold of the room, and he shivered, a little,
as he walked to the door. Outside, the sun was warming, and he walked slowly and steadily like the
old man he was, the miles to Baynes' house, glad of the exercise and the snowy coldness of the
Winter air.

Baynes was in his large study when Togbare arrived. The room was warm, and Togbare sat by the
coal fire as he related the events leading to the taking of Neil. Baynes was clearly perturbed.

"I am sure," Baynes said, "they will sacrifice him. He has betrayed them - broken the oath of his
Initiation. This is disturbing news, it really is. I do not believe we can wait any longer. I think the
time has come for us to act - swiftly and decisively."

"You have a suggestion?"

"Yes. Since this Conrad Robury is important to then - or so it seems - I suggest we entice him away
from their house, and hold him, here if necessary, for a few days as our guest. We can then arrange
for him to be exchanged with Mr Stanford."

Togbare's surprise showed on his face. "It would not be right."

"To save Mr Stanford's life? It is the only way, for I do not believe that we can succeed by magick
alone. Not now."

For a long time Togbare did not speak. He sat staring into the flames of the fire.

"You are right," he finally said, and sighed. "I do not like it, but it appears to be our only hope. The
situation is desperate."

"May I," Baynes said, "therefore suggest that we - you and I - undertake a simple rite with the
intention of enticing Robury from the house. I could arrange for some people to be waiting. He would
not be harmed, of course."
"You could arrange all this?"

"Yes. It should not take long - a few hours, no more." He turned toward Togbare and smiled. "Wealth
has its uses - occasionally!"

"Those good people who were with us, yesterday?"

"Yes?"

"If you could arrange for some of them to come here, you need not be detained. We, then, could do
the ritual you suggested."

"Splendid! I shall contact them at once. I told them, this morning, to be prepared as we might need
them at short notice."

"You spoke to them all this morning?" Togbare was amazed.

"Well, when I returned here, I could not sleep. I thought I would do something useful. They all felt
the ritual they undertook went well."

"It has bought us some time, I think. Some little time. This Mr Robury - I have realized that his
apparent Occult ability depends on a certain young lady. She was with him, this morning. It is the
same woman, I am sure, who was with him at the ritual at Mr Fitten's house when that unfortunate
lady, his wife, passed over to the other side. So, alone and with us, he should have no power. Yes," he
mused, "the more I think on this - on this plan of yours - the more I am inclined to believe it will
succeed."

"Then," said Baynes, "I shall go and make the necessary arrangements."

^^^^^^^

Baynes stood staring out of his office window watching the traffic in the city street below. He liked
his spartan office on the top floor of one of the tallest buildings in the city centre as much for the
splendid view as for its relative quiet amid his busy business empire which he controlled from this,
his, building.

His desk intercom buzzed. "Yes?" he asked.

"A Mr Sanders to see you, sir."

"Excellent! Send him in!" He seated himself in his leather chair behind his uncluttered desk.

"Mr Sanders," his Secretary announced.

"Please," he said, indicating a chair, "be seated."

"I'd rather stand," Sanders said. He was dressed in black as was his habit. "You wanted to see me?"
he asked, warily.

"I have a proposition for you - a business proposition."

"So your flunky said on the 'phone."

"You operate what some might describe as a 'Black Magick' temple, do you not?"

Sanders sat in the chair. "Let's cut the crap! I know you, Baynes, and you know me."

"I would like you to do me a favour - for a substantial sum of money."

Suspicious, Sanders looked around the room. "Are you taping this?"

"Of course not!"

"So what's your offer - and how much?"

"Fifty thousand pounds."

Sanders hid his surprise. "To do what?"

"Not long ago, a certain young gentleman - a student - came to visit you. You introduced him, I
believe, to a certain group. Well, I would like this gentleman brought from where he is to my house.
With the minimal use of force, of course."

Sanders stood up. "I can't say it was a pleasure meeting you. Goodbye."

"You have a very lucrative side-line, I believe."

Sander was nearly at the door when Baynes added, "I'm sure the Police would be very interested in
your - what shall I call it? - your import business. A Mr Osterman is your contact in Hamburg, I
understand."

Sanders stopped. "You're bluffing."

"I assure you I'm not. You last assignment arrived last Tuesday. Estimated value - I believe the term
used is 'on the street' - two million pounds, at least. Of course, if my figures are correct, your profit is
somewhat smaller. Much smaller in fact. So many overheads."
Sanders walked back to the desk. He sat down again, and smiled. "You're very well informed."

"Of course," Baynes said, "we both know who takes most of the profit. You are familiar, I
understand, with the house where this Mr Robury is currently residing."

Sanders shrugged. "Possibly."

"Toward dusk, he will be walking in the garden. You are to bring him to me. At this address." He
gave Sanders a printed card.

"And the money?"

Baynes opened a draw in his desk. He laid out several piles of ten-pound notes. "A small advance.
The rest will await your arrival at the house."

"And if he is not where you said?"

"He will be. But should some unforeseen circumstance arise and he is not there, telephone me and I
shall arrange another time."

Sanders scooped up the money and stuffed it into his pockets.

"And," Baynes added as Sanders stood up to leave, "if you are worried about your 'Master' finding
out about our little arrangement, I'm sure you have experience enough to work some plan out so as
not to implicate yourself."

Sanders was already thinking along similar lines. "You've missed your calling!" he smiled before
walking to the door.

Baynes waited until Sanders had left before he used the telephone.

"Hello?" he asked as his caller answered. "Frater Togbare?"

"Yes?" came the quiet and somewhat nervous reply.

"Baynes here!" he said cheerfully, pleased with his success with Sanders. "It went well. All is
arranged as planned."

When Togbare did not speak, Baynes said, "Did everything go alright with you?"

"Er, no, not really. You'd better come here - I'll explain."

"I'll be there as quick as I can!"

 XIV

It had not taken Togbare long to fall asleep. He was sitting by the fire, as Baynes left for his office,
wondering about the events of the past few days and the events to come. He too was tired, and slept
soundly by the warmth of the fire.

The doorbell awoke him, and he walked slowly to answer its call, leaning on his stick, and expecting
some of the guests of the night before. The cabinet clock in the hallway of Baynes' house showed him
he had been asleep for nearly an hour. He did not recognize the woman who waited outside, but her
expensive car, waiting with its chauffeur, did not surprise him, for he knew of Baynes' own wealth.

"Is Oswald in?" a smiling and alluringly dressed Tanith asked.

"Oswald?" repeated Togbare, averting his eyes from her breasts, amply exposed by her dress.

"Mr. Baynes. Is he at home?"

"Er, no. Not at the moment. Can I help?"

"I've come for your little ritual - or whatever it is you've planned."

"I'm sorry?" For some reason Togbare felt confused, a fact which he attributed to having just woken
from a deep and needful sleep.

"May I come in?" Tanith asked and proceeded to walk past him, making sure their bodies touched.
She walked into the study, and stood by the fire. "Dear Oswald," she said, "such a charming
gentleman, but so frightfully forgetful sometimes. He forget to tell you I would be coming, didn't
he?"

"Well - "

"Do be seated," she said affably.

Togbare obeyed.

"Any idea what this ritual thing is about?" she asked standing near him. "If it is anything like the
one's he's invited me to before, we are in for some jolly good fun!" She laughed.

"Fun?" said Togbare, perturbed.

"Why yes! Don't say he hasn't told you? My word! Would you like a drink - to get into the mood?"

"A drink?" Togbare felt distinctly uncomfortable.

She went straight to a bookcase, pushed a hidden button, and waited until a shelf revolved to reveal
decanters and glasses. "Whisky?" she said. "You look like a Whisky man to me. He has some very
fines malts."

“I myself," Togbare said, rather stuffily, "do not imbibe."

"Shame. I'm partial to Gin, myself." She poured herself a full glassful and drank it immediately.
"Splendid! Best on an empty stomach. Straight into the blood!" She poured herself another glass
before saying, "Shall I draw the blinds so we are prepared?"

"Pardon?"

She pressed another button and the window-blinds descended to silently close.

Togbare stood up. "You seem to know this house rather well."

"I should say so! All the hours of fun I've had here! Oswald has the most marvellous parties!" She
came toward Togbare who was standing by the light of the fire. "Hot in her, isn't it?" she said,
beginning to remove her dress.

As she reached Togbare it fell around her ankles. She was naked and an unbelieving Togbare stared
at her.

"Your spirit," she said, "is younger than your body."

She took his hand and placed it on her breast.

Togbare snatched it away and almost ran to the door. It was locked, but there was no key.

Tanith stepped out of her dress and moved toward him, laughing. "You will enjoy the pleasure I
offer," she said.

Suddenly, Togbare understood. "Harlot!" he shouted. "The Master sent you!"

"Yes!"

She was closing upon him, and to Togbare she became a Satanic curse. He held up his stick, but she
laughed at him.

"You are weak!" she sneered. "Look at me! Look at my body!"

Togbare turned away, mumbling words as he did so.

"Your god cannot help you now!" she mocked.

He turned to face her and as he did so she began to change form before his very eyes.

"My God!" he cried with genuine surprise, "you are his wife!"

It was a pitying laugh she gave him before gesturing behind her with her hand. Her dress disappeared,
briefly, before re-appearing on her body. She gestured again, and the blinds rose to flood the room
with daylight.

"You cannot harm me," Togbare said, holding his stick in front of him for protection.

"I have achieved what I came for!"

He stood aside to let her leave. The doors opened for her and she walked out into the sunlight.
Through the window, she saw the Magus kneeling on the floor and saying his prayers.

"Home, Gedor!" she commanded as she got into her car.

Togbare prayed for almost an hour. He was calm then, but dismayed, and stoked and re-built the fire
in his study. He sat by it, sighing and shaking his head in consternation, for a long time, rising only to
answer the doorbell twice. Each time he half-expected the satanic mistress to return but each time it
was only a group of Baynes's guests from the night before, summoned for a new ritual. Each time he
apologized and told them to await another call. He did not explain why and they did not ask, but it
took him a long time to remove the traces of the woman's presence from the house and the room.

Her mocking, lustful satanic presence seemed to have invaded every corner, and he cast pentagram
after pentagram after hexagram to remove it. He only just completed his task when the telephone
rang.

'I'll be there as quick as I can!' Baynes had said, and Togbare sat by the fire to wait.

He was almost asleep again when Baynes returned.

"Well," Baynes said after Togbare had explained about Tanith's visit, "it matters little. We can do the
ritual ourselves, as I originally thought. That is," he paused, "if you yourself feel able to continue as
planned."

"I fear we have no choice," he said sadly. "It will tire us, even more. I just hope we can recover
sufficiently."
"In time for when the Satanists attempt to Open the Gates you mean?"

"Yes. Shall we begin?"

Together, they sat by the fire in the last hours of daylight, trying through their powers of visualization
and will to entice Conrad away from the safety of the Master's house and into the open where Sanders
would, hopefully, be waiting. After several minutes effort, Togbare withdrew from one of his pockets
one of the small squares of parchment he always carried. Taking his pen, he began to write, first
Conrad's name, and then several sigils, upon it. For several minutes he stared at the completed charm
before casting it into the flames of the fire to be consumed.

"So mote it be!" he said as the parchment burned.

Near the window, a raven cried, loudly in the snowful silence that surrounded the house.

XV

Conrad, as Aris had instructed, was reading in the library as the twilight came. The manuscript Aris
had left out for him was interesting, telling as it did of the Dark Gods. But the more he read, the more
dissatisfied he became.

The work was full of signs, symbols and words - and yet he felt it was insubstantial, as if the author
or authors had glimpsed at best only part of the reality. His memory of the recent ritual was vivid, and
as he stared at the manuscript he realized what was lacking. The work lacked the stars - the haunting
beauty he himself had experienced; the numinous beauty which he felt was waiting for him. He
wanted to reach out again and again and capture that beauty, that eerie essence, that nebulosity. He
had felt free, drifting through space and other dimensions; free and powerful like a god - free of his
own dense body which bound him to Earth.

"Having fun?" a voice unexpectedly asked.

It was Susan, and she walked toward him.

"Not really."

She wore Tanith's exotic perfume and her clothes were thin, moulded to the contours of her body. In
that instant of his watching - full as it was of sensual memories and sensual anticipation - he
remembered the bliss that a body could bring.

She stood by the French windows looking up at the darkening sky. "Shall we go outside," she
suggested, "and watch the stars?"

"You been reading my thoughts again?" he asked, half seriously, and half in jest.
He rose from the desk to stand beside her and was pleased when she placed her hand around his waist
before opening the windows.

"I'll just get a coat," she said and kissed him. "I'll join you outside."

The air was cold, but Conrad did not care as he walked out into the snow. The stars were becoming
clearer, and he wandered away from the lights of the house to watch them as they shone,
unshimmering in the cold air of Winter.

They came upon him swiftly, the three men waiting in the shadows. One carried a gun and pointed it
at Conrad while the others grabbed his arms.

"Quiet!" the man with the gun said, "or you're dead."

Conrad struggled, and succeeded in knocking one of the men over. He tried to punch the other man in
the face, but a blow to the neck felled him, and he was unconscious as he hit the snow.

"Bring him!" the man with the gun said.

Conrad awoke as he was being bundled into a car, but his hands were bound and he was roughly
thrown onto the back seat.

"Bastards!" he screamed, and kicked at the door.

A knife was held to his throat. "Calm down, stupid," its holder said, and smiled. "Or I'll make a mess
of your face!"

Yards away, Sanders sat waiting in his own car. No one had followed the men as they had dragged
the unconscious Conrad toward the gate and the waiting cars, and he sighed with relief. He followed
the car containing Conrad and they were soon far away from the house.

As he had instructed, Conrad was blindfolded, and he stood behind two men as they stood outside
Baynes' house holding Conrad between them. Baynes had been watching from his window, and
strode out to meet them.

"As promised," Sanders said.

"Excellent!" replied Baynes. He gave Sanders a briefcase. Sanders opened it and then pushed Conrad
toward Baynes.

"He's all yours."

Baynes led Conrad into the house. Once in the study, he locked the door before removing Conrad's
blindfold and bonds. It took Conrad only a few moments to adjust to his new surroundings.

"Please," Togbare said, indicating a chair by the fire, "sit down."

Conrad ignored him. Instead, he turned to Baynes who stood by the door.

"Resorting to armed violence now, I see," Conrad quipped.

"An unfortunate necessity."

"How very Satanic of you," Conrad smiled. "Well, great Mage," he said mockingly to Togbare, "what
is your plan?"

"You will remain here - for a short while."

"I suppose you in your stupidity think they will exchange Neil for me."

Togbare looked at Baynes. Conrad sneered at both of them. "You won't be able," he said, "to hold
me. Not once they find out where I am. They will come - are you ready for the violence they will
use?"

"What makes you think," said Baynes, "that you are that important to them? You are just another
Initiate. They have plenty more. You'll be easy to replace."

"Is that so?" Conrad laughed, but Baynes' words made him feel uneasy.

"We have taken certain precautions," Togbare said.

"Oh, yes?" Conrad sneered. "You have drawn a magick circle thrice around the house - and I stand
trembling and abashed at its centre! Sint mihi dei Acherontis propitii!"

"Well, well!" said Baynes, "a scholar as well as a comedian."

Suddenly, Conrad rushed at Baynes, intending to punch at his face, but Baynes was too quick and
easily avoided the intended blow. His own counter was quick, as he caught Conrad off balance,
tripping him to the floor.

Baynes bowed slightly as Conrad slowly got to his feet.

"He studied in Taiwan," Togbare said by way of explanation.

"Oh well," Conrad said, shrugging his shoulders, "so much for that idea then." He looked around the
room. "I suppose I'd better make myself comfortable."
"A wise decision," Togbare said.

"Do you not wish," Baynes said to Conrad, "to complete your studies at University?"

"What's it to you?" Conrad looked at him briefly, then at the window. He sat in an upright chair as
near to it as possible.

"I believe you have an interest in Spaceflight?"

"No need to guess who told you that."

"Mr Stanford, of course. I have some contacts in the aerospace industry in the States."

"Bully for you."

"I could arrange for you to continue your studies at an American university at the end of which you
would be guaranteed work with one of the leading companies in the aerospace industry. You would,
of course, be provided with a large capital sum - say fifty thousand pounds - for incidental expenses
over the years."

"Are you trying to bribe me?" Conrad asked, amazed - and interested - by the offer.

"Yes." said Baynes without hesitation.

"What would you want in exchange?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" asked Conrad incredulously.

"Except your immediate departure for America. I would, of course, make the necessary
arrangements."

"I don't believe it," Conrad said, amazed.

"Money has no interest for me - beyond what good I can do with it."

"And the Master?" Conrad asked. "What of him if I betrayed him by leaving?"

"As I said before, you are a mere Initiate to him. He can easily find someone to take your place. But
if you wish, I could provide you with a new identity. I have certain contacts who could arrange
matters. You would soon be forgotten."

"It's very tempting. But the Master - "

"All you have to do," said Baynes, "is stay here with us for a few days. You will see when nobody is
sent to fetch you, when they show no interest in you whatsoever, that what I say is true."

"How do I know this isn't just some ploy to get me to stay here?"

"You have my word. Should you wish, you can be with me when I make the necessary arrangements.
I can have the money here within a few hours, the airline ticket likewise. Your passport and new
identity will take a little longer - a day, perhaps. You yourself can speak to the American university I
have in mind."

"When do I have to decide?"

"The sooner you decide, the sooner I can make the arrangements."

For several minutes Conrad stared at the fire. Then he rose slowly from his chair to yawn and stretch
his limbs. "Any chance of some tea?" he asked casually.

"Have you reached a decision?" Baynes asked.

"Yes." Taking several deep breaths, Conrad grasped the back of the chair, swiftly lifting it and
smashing it into the window. The glass shattered, and he threw the chair at Baynes before diving
through the broken glass. He landed awkwardly in the snow, his hands cut and bloodied by the glass.
Something warm was running down his neck, and he extracted a splinter of glass that had embedded
itself in his arm before leaping up to run down the driveway and away from the house. He could hear
Baynes shouting behind him, but did not look back, concentrating on running as fast as he could
down the street. He ran and ran, past houses, over roads, on pavements, verges and roads, stopping
for breath once by a busy main road. Then he was away, out into the dark lanes beyond the lights of
the city.

He stopped to hide behind a tree, nauseous and shaking, and it was some time before his breathing
returned to normal. His hands, neck and face were covered in blood, but it was dried or drying, and
he took off his jacket to tear part of his shirt for a bandage for his arm. Soon, the cloth was soaked,
and he lay still, pressing his hand over his bandaged wound to try and stop the bleeding. As he did so,
he began to feel pain in his hands and face. He felt very tired.

No one had followed him down the dark narrow lane. He dreamed he was in the Satanic Temple. Neil
was on the altar, tied down by thongs, and Tanith bent over him, a knife in her hand.

'It is your deed,' Tanith said to Conrad.

'Your deed,' Aris and Susan repeated as they stood beside him.

'We require his blood,' all three of them said.

Tanith gave him the knife and he walked toward Neil.

'Please,' his former friend pleaded, 'spare me! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!'

'We require his blood,' Conrad heard as a chant behind him. 'His blood to complete your Initiation.
We must have his blood!'

Conrad hesitated.

'Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!' the insistent voices said.

He raised the knife to strike, but could not find the strength, and as he lowered it in failure the bound
figure on the altar was no longer Neil, but himself. Then Aris, Tanith, Susan and his double on the
altar were laughing.

'See how close to failure you came!' Aris said and kissed him on the lips. He made to move away, but
it was Susan kissing him until she, too, changed - into Tanith.

Suddenly he was awake again, lying on the cold snow stained by his own blood. Such a waste, he
thought, to die here, cold and alone. He tried to sit, up against the tree, but lacked the strength. Then
he smiled. 'I would do it all again,' he muttered to the tree, the snow, the stars. 'Susan', he said to
himself as his eyes closed of their own accord, 'I love you.'

The last thing he heard was the cry of a hungry owl.

XVI

Denise sat on and surrounded by cushions as brightly coloured as her clothes, two green candles in
tall ornate holders alight beside her. He house was otherwise unlit, and quiet except for the nearby
rumble of traffic which passed along the main road less than fifty yards away. She was looking with
half-closed eyes into her large crystal scrying sphere and her friend Miranda - High Priestess of the
Circle of Arcadia - sat beside her, awaiting her description of her visions.

"I have found him," Denise said as if in trance. "He suffers, and will die."

Slowly, she placed a black cloth over her crystal. "Come," she said to her friend, "I shall need your
help."

Her zest was evident in her driving, and it did not take them long to drive away from the city to the
dark, narrow, lane she had seen in her vision.
"There, by the tree," she said.

Conrad was unconscious. "We must hurry," Denise said as she bent over him. "Others - the evil ones
- will soon be here. I feel they are near."

Together they lifted and carried Conrad into the car.

"You drive," Denise almost commanded her friend. "I must begin, now."

Her hands were warm and she gently placed them on Conrad's cold and almost lifeless face before
raising them a few inches to make passes with them over his arms, hands and body. She imagined
energy flowing to her from the Earth through her fingers and down through his aura into the vital
meridians of his wounded body, stopping only when they reached their destination.

Her house was warm, and they laid Conrad on the cushions between the candles.

"Will he be alright?" an anxious Miranda asked.

"I don't know - yet."

"Shall I let Mr. Baynes know?"

Denise turned toward her, her eyes intense. "No!"

"But I thought - "

"Nobody must know!" And she added, in a softer voice: "Not yet, anyway." She kissed Miranda,
saying "Trust me, my love."

Then she knelt over Conrad to renew her healing with her hands.

"Can I do anything?" Miranda asked.

"Be a darling and make some tea." Denise did not turn around or look up.

The pot of tea was cold by the time Denise stood up, tired from her efforts, and she went to her
kitchen to hold her hands against the cold tap, earthing the energies, before drinking several cups of
the cold brew.

"Do you want me to stay?" Miranda asked hopefully.

"No - I'll be alright. I'll call you if there is any change,"

"Well, if you're sure."

"Yes. And," Denise said, embracing her, "please not a word - to anyone."

They kissed, briefly, and then Miranda left the room and the house. Denise sat beside Conrad, and
gently stroked his face. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

"Back with us, then?" she said and smiled.

"What?" Conrad said, confused.

"You had a bit of an accident. And before you say anything, you're in my house."

Conrad sat up. "And you are?"

"Let's just say someone who likes helping waifs and strays!"

Conrad looked around the room. He saw the crystal with its black cover for 'closing down', the
incense burner upon the fireplace. There were no furnishings other than the many cushions of varying
size strewn over the carpet and the long, heavy drapes covering the window; no light other than that
from the candles.

"Whose side are you on?" he asked cautiously.

"Does one have to be 'on a side'?" she countered with a smile.

"You know who I am?"

"Yes. How are you feeling?"

"Alright. I must have passed out." He found the woman strangely attractive. although her features
were not beautiful in the conventional sense. But he suppressed his feelings, remembering Susan. "I
really ought to go," he said and tried to stand up.

He failed, and slumped back into the cushions.

"Rest, now," Denise said,

"I must telephone someone," he said as he lay down to close his eyes to try and stop the dizziness he
felt.

"In a while. But first you must rest."

She left him for a short time, returning with a silver bowl, cloths, phials of lotions and a mug
containing a hot infusion of herbs, all carried on a silver tray.

"Here," she said, "drink this."

He sat up and smelt the contents of the mug. It smelt horrible. "What is it?"

"Just an infusion - of herbs and things. My mother showed me how to make it. It will bring back
some of your strength."

Cautiously, Conrad sipped the drink. She removed the bandage he had made to cover the wound on
his arm and began to clean the area using the liquid in the bowl. When she has finished, she made a
clean covering using a cloth richly suffused with lotion. Soon, she had washed, cleaned and covered
all his injuries with her lotions.

"It tasted better," Conrad said after finishing her potion, "than it smelt."

Her nearness, her gentle touch and her bodily fragrance all combined to sexually arouse him, and he
held her hand before leaning to kiss her.

She moved away, saying, "I'm sorry to disappoint you - but I'm not that way inclined."

"I hope I didn't offend you," he said sincerely.

She laughed as she collected her lotions. "For an alleged Satanist you are rather innocent. Your aura
marks you as different from them."

"Oh, yes?" Conrad was intrigued.

"What is your aim in all this?" she asked. "What do you hope to find?"

He felt his strength returning with every breath he took. Even the throbbing in his arm had begun
subside. "Knowledge," he said.

Denise sat down beside him as she did so he felt there was a calmness within her. He felt good, just
being near her, as if in some way she was giving him energy. At first, he had felt this as her sexual
interest in him, but the more he looked at her and the more he thought about it, the more he realized it
was nothing of the sort. It was just beneficent energy flowing from her. He did not know, nor
particularly care, why - he just felt relaxed and comfortable in her nearness.

"What is it?" she asked again, smiling, her eyes radiant, "that you hope to find. Why did you join
them?"

"I wanted knowledge." It was only partly true, he remembered. Most of all he had wanted to
experience sexual passion.
"Is that all?"

He sensed she knew the answer already. "Well, sex as well."

"And then what?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, perplexed.

"Think of it - in a few years time, if you continue along your present path, you will have had many
women, learnt many Occult truths. Perhaps you will have acquired some skill in magick. But life is -
for most people - quite long: many decades, in fact. What do you do with all this time? The same
pleasures and delights over and over again? Someone of your intelligence would surely find that
boring?"

"There will be other goals, I'm sure. Other things to achieve."

"Perhaps. Your youth will go, and with its going will come tiredness of both body and spirit."

"So what? It is the present that's important. Why worry about what might never be?"

"And if I said you were giving up your chance of immortality what would you say?"

"I don't believe there is a chance. It's superstition. When we die, that's it."

"Is that what you believe Satanism as all about - the pleasure of the moment?"

"Yes." Then, with less certainty, he added, "Well, at least, I think so."

"There is no belief in something beyond?"

"Not as far as I know." He smiled. "But as you must know, I'm only a new Initiate."

"Would you kill your friend Neil?" she suddenly asked.

"Say again?"

"Neil Stanford. Would you kill him if your Master demanded it?"

"What do you know about Neil?"

"He came to see me once. For a reading. But you haven't answered my question. Would you - could
you - kill him, or anyone?"
Conrad remembered his dream. But there was within him a desire to deny that part of himself which
would not kill. For a few moments he felt compelled to boast, to answer her question in the
affirmative - depicting himself to her as someone ruthless and unafraid. But she was sitting near him,
calm and smiling, and it seemed to him that her eyes saw into his thoughts. She would know it was
just a boast, the nervous arrogance of naivety.

"I don't know," he said honestly.

"See," she said with a slight tone of censure, "to you all this Satanism is at present a game. An
enjoyable one, to be sure, but still a game. Your aura tells a different story. They are serious - they
kill, without mercy. They corrupt. Are you ready for all that?"

"You make them sound vile," he said, thinking of Susan, and the bliss he had shared with Tanith.
"They are not like that."

"Don't you understand what is happening to you? Of course, now all is pleasure - all is passion and
enjoyment. You are being courted, drawn into their web. But soon the perversity will begin. It will
start in a small way - something perhaps only a little morally degrading. But soon you will be so
involved there will be no escape."

"No, I don't believe it. You're just trying to turn me against them, aren't you?"

"Am I?" she smiled. "I have something to show you."

She fetched her crystal sphere and set it down between them. Carefully she removed the black cloth
before making passes over the sphere with her hands.

"Look," she said to him, "and see!"

Conrad peered into the sphere. At first he saw nothing except the reflection of the lights from the
candles, but then a blackness appeared within which cleared. He saw the Temple in Aris' house.
Susan was there, naked upon the altar, and around her the congregation danced. Then a man went to
her, fondling her body before he removed his robe to lay and move upon her. Then the scene
changed. Aris was with several other people whose faces Conrad could not see. They were on what
looked like a moor, and on the ground a young woman lay, naked and bound. She was struggling, but
Aris laughed - Conrad could not hear the laughter, only see the Master as his mouth opened and he
rocked from side to side. Then there was a knife in his hand and he bent down to calmly and
efficiently slit the woman's throat. Conrad turned away.

"There is more," Denise said,

"So what?" Conrad said, affecting unconcern. "Every war has its casualties. Anyway, what I saw was
not real."

"It was. The woman whom you saw murdered was called Maria Torrens. I can show you the
newspaper reports of her death if you wish."

"In every period there are victims and masters. The weak perish and the strong survive."

"Do you really believe that?" she asked.

"What if I do?" Conrad said defensively. "Will you try and convert me?"

"You must make your own decisions - and take the consequences that result from your actions, both
in this life and the next."

"Belief in an afterlife," Conrad said scornfully, "is merely blackmail to prevent us from fulfilling
ourselves - from achieving god-head - in this life."

"You seem set to continue along the dark path you have chosen - despite what I sense about your
inner feelings."

"I've made my choice."

"I know," she said softly.

"Tell me, then, why you have helped me?"

Denise smiled, and her smile disconcerted Conrad. "I have no right to judge. I simply help those in
need."

"But even so -"

"You should rest now." She covered the crystal with the black cloth.

Suddenly, Conrad felt tired. He lay down among the softness of the cushions and, in the warm room
with its gentle candlelight, he was soon asleep. His sleep was dreamless, and when he awoke he was
astonished to find Susan sitting beside him.

XVII

The repair of the window Conrad had shattered was almost complete, and Baynes watched the
workmen while Togbare sat, wrapped in a cloak, by the bright fire. Slowly as first, and then heavily,
it began to snow again.

When the work was over, Baynes thanked the men, gave them a large gratuity in cash, and stood
outside to watch them leave. He was about to return to the warmth of his house when a motor-cycle
entered his driveway. It was a powerful machine, ridden by someone clad in red leathers, and he
stood in the bright security lights which adorned his dwelling while the rider dismounted and began
to remove the tinted visored helmet.

Miranda shook her long hair free. "I have some news for you," she said.

"Shall we go in?" Baynes asked. He gestured gallantly toward the door, and held it open for her.

"You have not met Frater Togbare, have you?" he asked her as he showed her into the study.

Togbare stood to offer Miranda his hand. "Hi!" she said, smiling, but not shaking his hand.

"Please, do sit," Baynes said.

"Denise found him," Miranda said, "and I think she'll need your help!" She looked anxiously at
Baynes.

"Found who?" he asked.

"Robury! He's at her house. She didn't want me to tell you - but I had to." Miranda sighed. For over
an hour she had sat at her house, wondering what to do. At first, she had thought of going back to
Denise. But her memory of Denise's firm insistence persuaded her otherwise. She had tried to forget
her own worries about Denise's safety, and had almost succeeded - for an hour, trusting as she had in
Denise's psychic ability.

"They are sure to find him," she continued. "She'll be in danger! We must do something!"

"You mean," Baynes said calmly, "Mr. Robury is at present in her house?"

"Yes!" It was an affirmation of her impatience.

"Did he go there himself?" Baynes raised his eyebrows as he glanced at Togbare.

"No - she found him. And we brought him back. He was injured - quite badly, it seemed."

I see." Baynes stroked his beard with his hand. "You took him to her house? Why?"

"She wanted to help him." Then, realizing what she had said, and seeing the exchange of looks
between Togbare and Baynes, she added, "It's not like that!"

"You said," Togbare asked her, "she found him. Was she therefore looking for him?"

"Well - in a manner of speaking, yes." The room was hot, and she unzipped the front of her leather
suit.
Baynes looked at her as she did so, as if suddenly realizing she was a woman. She noticed his
attention and smiled at him, shaking her head so that her long hair framed her face. Suddenly, she
saw him as a challenge, for she knew of his avoidance of women. Her own liaison with Denise was
only for her a brief interlude in her bisexual life, and she smiled enchantingly at Baynes.

Hastily, Baynes turned away.

"Did she say," Togbare asked her, "why she was looking for him?"

"No. And I didn't ask. You know about her, don't you Oswald?" she said to Baynes, smiling at him
again and deliberately using his first name. "About her abilities."

"She is rather gifted in certain psychic matters, yes." He looked briefly at her, then turned away.

"Do you know of recent events," Togbare asked Miranda, "involving Mr Robury and the Satanist
group?"

"Only that there was to be some sort of ritual. Denise said something about Robury being important."

"You know of the death of Mr. Fitten and his wife?"

"Yes. She mentioned them."

"You were among the first to know of this Conrad Robury, were you not?"

"Actually, yes. He came to attend one of our meetings."

"Introduced by a certain Neil Stanford?"

"Yes." She turned to look at Baynes, but he staring into the flames of the fire.

"I think it is right and fitting," Togbare pompously said to her, "that we take you into our confidence.
Mr Stanford, I am grieved to say, has fallen into the hands of the Satanists - he had, on our
instructions, infiltrated the group. However, he was betrayed. We do not know by whom. As you
probably are aware, such groups do not take kindly to anyone who betrays them, and therefore ever
since Mr Stanford was kidnapped by Mr Robury and taken to the house of the so-called 'Master', we
have been concerned for his safety.

"Yet for some time I myself, and the Council, have suspected that we ourselves have been infiltrated
by the Satanists."

Miranda looked first at Baynes and then at Togbare. "And you now suspect Denise?" she asked with
astonishment.
It was Baynes who answered. "It is logical - considering what you have just told us."

"I don't believe it! Not Denise!"

"Of course," Togbare said, "we cannot be sure. But Mr Baynes is right - it is logical to presume she
may be implicated."

"So you see, Miranda," Baynes said, and smiled at her, "if it is true then she is unlikely to be in
danger from them, as you believed."

Miranda sat in a chair, confused by the accusation against her lover yet pleased that Baynes had
apparently shown an interest in her. He had used her first name - something he had never done before
- and his smile seemed to convey a warmth toward her. Suddenly, it occurred to her that if the
accusation was true, Denise had been cruelly using her. The thought saddened her.

"But if you're wrong about her," she said, still unconvinced, "then she will be in danger?"

"For helping Robury?" Baynes said. "I doubt it. You did say she intended to help him?"

"Yes. She was going to use her healing powers."

"Which, to my knowledge, are quite remarkable. Quite remarkable."

"But surely - " Miranda began to say.

"Why did she wish to find him in the first place? And, more importantly, why did she then wish to
heal him? For she knew, being with me a member of the Council itself, that he was important to them
- to their ritual."

"She was on the Council?" Miranda asked with surprise.

"Why, yes. Did she never tell you? I knew you two were very close friends." Baynes smiled at her.

Miranda blushed, and shuffled in her chair. "No," she said softly, "she never told me." She sighed in
sadness, for she remembered what Denise had once said: 'There shall be no secrets between us...'

"He was badly injured, you said?" Togbare asked her.

"Covered in blood."

"Well," Baynes said, "he did jump through that window."

"He was here?" Miranda asked with surprise.

"We had hoped to - how shall I say? - exchange him for Stanford. Now we are back to where we
were before."

"But surely the Police - they can help. If Neil has been abducted - "

Baynes shrugged his shoulders and made a gesture of obeisance with has hands. "What evidence have
we? What could we say about this conflict which such people would understand?"

"But surely they would listen to someone as well respected as you?"

"Possibly. Even if I sent them to the house of the Master, would they find Stanford there? Of course
not. How would I explain why he should have been abducted? What reason - what motive - could I
give without appearing as some sort of crank? They would listen, make some routine enquiries, find
nothing and decide I was rather strange. No, it is not as easy as that."

"I fear, my child," Togbare said to Miranda, who cringed at his endearment, "that Mr Baynes is right.
There have been two deaths, two unfortunate deaths, already. It is due to Mr Baynes' resourcefulness
and indeed influence that those deaths have been registered by the authorities as natural ones,
unconnected with any suspicious circumstances. And this I myself accepted - for how does one
explain to an unbelieving world the true cause of such deaths? If we had tried, then we would now, I
am sure, have all manner of journalists intruding upon our affairs, impeding our investigations and
preventing us from achieving our goal - that of ending for once and for all this Satanist threat to our
world."

Togbare seemed pleased with his speech, and rubbed his hands together.

Miranda turned to Baynes. "I would like to help," she said.

"Then I suggest we go and see Denise. I shall ask her, directly, where she stands on the matter."

"And if Mr Robury is with her?" Togbare asked.

"I shall persuade him to return with us." He walked to the desk and from a drawer took a revolver
which he placed in his jacket pocket.

"Please," Togbare said, "surely we can avoid such complications?"

"There is no choice now," Baynes replied. "Do you wish," he asked Miranda, "to travel with me or
use your own transport?"

"With you," she smiled and began to remove her leather suit.

Even Togbare glanced at her fulsome figure. "If," Togbare said, clearing his throat, "Mr Robury is
not there - what then, my friend?"
"Sanders - he will know how to enter their Temple. He can be persuaded to tell us. We shall then go
to them. You ready?" he asked Miranda.

"Yes."

"Excellent!" He turned toward Togbare. "If we're not back within the hour inform the Police."

"But - " mumbled Togbare. "what shall I say?"

"I'm sure you can think of something!"

"But - "

Baynes did not wait to hear the Mage's words.

XVIII

"She has done well!" Susan said as Conrad sat up. "You are better than we thought."

"How did you get here?" Conrad asked her. He looked around the room, but they were alone. "The
woman - "

"Denise?" Susan said. "You will see her in a while. The Master is pleased to see you."

She helped him to stand.

"Ah! Conrad!" Aris said as he entered the room. "Such determination! You rejected a most tempting
offer, I hear."

"Sorry?" Conrad looked at Susan, and then at the Master whose black cloak and clothes seemed to
Conrad appropriately suited the Master's gleeful yet sinister countenance.

"An offer - from Baynes," Aris the Master said.

"You talked in your sleep," Susan said before Conrad could ask the obvious question.

"Come," Aris said, gesturing toward the door.

Conrad followed him up the stairs of the house and into a bedroom where Denise lay on a bed,
apparently asleep.

"She is yours," Aris whispered to him.

"I'm sorry?"

"It is for you to decide her fate. Take her - possess her if you wish. She has never been with a man.
You can be the first."

Aris walked to Denise, touched her forehead with his hand and she awoke. Then there was a knife in
his hand and he held it as if ready to strike.

"Your wish?" Aris asked him, and smiled.

Conrad went to her, took her hand in his and kissed it. "Thank you," he said to her sincerely.

The fear that had been in her eyes disappeared.

"And her fate?" Aris said, still holding the knife.

"I don't want her harmed.,"

"As you wish." Aris touched her forehead with his hand, and she closed her eyes in sleep. "You must
go now," he said to Conrad.

"Are you alright?" Susan asked him as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

The face of the Master had shown no emotion as Conrad had expressed his wish, and he was
wondering whether the Master disapproved.

"Are you alright?" Susan asked him again.

"Just a little tired," he replied.

"We must go now." She held the front door of the house open as a gesture of her intent, and, in the
snowful street outside, he saw her expensive car.

He walked with her out into the coldness to seat himself beside her, and was soon warm in the
cocoon of the car watching the snow covered streets and houses as Susan drove almost recklessly in
the dangerous conditions.

The music she chose as an accompaniment to their journey seemed to Conrad to reflect his mood and
the almost demonic aspirations which underlay it, and he listened intently to Liszt's B Minor Sonata.
As he listened, he began to realize that his decision regarding Denise was correct, and they were
approaching the Master's dwelling when he concluded it made no difference to him what Aris his
Master - or indeed what anyone - thought about it. He would do the same again.

Gedor awaited them at the steps of the house, and held Conrad's door open for him in a gesture which
pleased Conrad. The very house itself seemed to welcome him, and he was not surprised when Tanith
greeted him in the hall with a kiss.

"They will soon heal," she said as she caressed the dried cuts on his face.

Even Mador came to greet him.

"Welcome Professor!" the dwarf said. "Welcome!"

"The Master will see you soon. But first, you should bathe and change. Mador will show you your
room."

As Conrad turned to follow Mador, she added, "And Conrad, from this day forth this house is yours
as your home."

Her words pleased him, and he followed Mador, proud of himself. Susan was beautiful, wealthy and
powerful, and together they would return the Dark Gods to Earth.

The room Mador led him to was on the top floor of the house. It was large and luxurious and he was
surprised to find the cupboards full of new clothes, all in his size. He selected some, and was relaxing
in a bath of warm water when the maid entered the room, pushing a trolley replete with food.

She did not speak, but smiled at him through the open bathroom door as he lay, blushing at the
unexpected intrusion.

"Thank you!" he said unnecessarily as she left.

It was almost an hour later when he too left, cleaned and fed, to find his way to the library where he
assumed the Master would be waiting. It took him a long time, for the house was large and mostly
unknown to him.

"Do you find," the Master said to him as he entered the library, "your house pleasing?" He smiled as
he sat at the desk, indicating a chair.

Conrad sat down.

"From tonight, all this," Aris continued, "shall be yours."

Conrad could only stare in amazement. Was it a jest?

"There shall be a ritual," Aris said, "whose success will begin that New Aeon which we seek. Recall
that I said you had a Destiny. Your Destiny is to continue the work which I and others like me have
begun. Every Grand Master such as I chooses, when the time is right, someone to succeed him. And I
have chosen you. My daughter shall be your guide as your own power develops. She shall be your
Mistress, just as Tanith has been mine."

Aris smiled benignly at him. "It is right you are amazed. You have proved yourself fitting for this
honour. As to myself, I have other tasks to perform, other places to visit where you at present cannot
go. We have tested you, and you have not been found wanting. Now, I shall reveal to you a secret
regarding our beliefs. We represent balance - we restore what is lacking in any particular time or
society. We challenge the accepted. We encourage through our novices, our acts of magick and
through the spread of our ideas that desire to know which religions, sects and political dogmatists all
wish to suppress because it undermines their authority. Think on this, in relation to our history, and
remember that we are seldom what we seem to others.

"Our Way is all about, in its beginnings, and for those daring individual who join us, liberating the
dark or shadow aspect of the personality. To achieve this, we sometimes encourage individuals to
undergo formative experiences of a kind which more conventional societies and individuals frown
upon or are afraid of. Some of these experiences may well involve acts which are considered 'illegal'.
But the strong survive, the weak perish. All this - and the other directly magickal experiences like
those you yourself have experienced - develop both the character of the individual and their magickal
abilities. In short, from the Satanic novice, the Satanic Adept is produced."

He smiled again at Conrad before continuing his Satanic discourse. "We tread a narrow path, as
perhaps you yourself are becoming aware. There is danger, there is ecstasy - but above all there is an
exhilaration, a more intense and interesting way of living. We aim to change this world - yes, but we
aim to change individuals within it - to produce a new type of person, a race of beings truly
representative of our foremost symbol, Satan. Only a few can belong to this new race, this coming
race - to the Satanic elect. To this elite, I welcome you."

He passed over to Conrad a small book bound in black leather.

"All this I have said, and more, much more, is written of in here," Aris said. "Read and learn and
understand. We shall not speak together again."

He bowed his head, as if respectfully, toward Conrad before rising and taking his leave. Alone in the
silence which followed, Conrad though he could hear a woman's voice.

"I am coming for you, I am coming!' it seemed to sing and for an instant he glimpsed a ghostly face,
It was Fitten's wife.

Then Conrad was laughing, loudly, at the thought, as he basked in the glory of being chosen by the
Master.
"I am the power, I am the glory!" he shouted aloud in his demonic possession as, behind him, the
ghostly face cried,

XIX

Several times during their short journey Miranda tried to engage Baynes in conversation and each
time she failed. He did not speak even as they left the car near their destination to walk the last few
hundred yards.

Only as they approached Denise's house did he relent.

"I fear," he said, pointing to where a car had left its imprint in the snow, "we are too late."

The door was unlocked, and he entered the house cautiously. No sounds came from within the house,
and with Miranda in tow he slowly checked every room. The house was empty.

"Has she gone with them?" Miranda asked as they returned to the front door.

"Or been abducted."

"Why would they do that?"

"She would be a prize, I presume. A lady of her - how shall I say? - persuasion would be regarded in
some respects as an ideal sacrifice."

"It's my fault," Miranda said sadly.

"Not at all. We still do not know if she is involved with them." He ushered her outside.

"I feel so responsible," she said.

"There is no need," he said kindly.

She took advantage of his tone and his nearness by resting her head on his shoulder. He held her,
feebly and briefly, and then drew away.

"Here," he said, giving her the keys to his car, "can you tell Frater Togbare what had occurred?"
"Yes, I will."

"Good. I will make some necessary arrangements."

"To get into their Temple?"

"Exactly. I shall be - say - an hour at most. Tell Frater Togbare to be ready to leave at once."

"Will three of us be enough?"

He looked at her for some seconds before replying. "I cannot allow you to go," he said somewhat
pompously.

"Tough! I'm going!" she said with determination.

"No you're not."

She held her head slightly to one side, resting her hands on her hips. "Because I'm a woman?" she
demanded, a touch of anger in her voice.

"Actually, yes."

"Oh I see!" she mocked. "It's strictly a job for the boys, is it?"

"It could be dangerous."

"Oh I see! And we weak women, cannot cope with danger, is that what you mean?" By now, she was
angry.

"I didn't say that," he protested.

"But you meant it!"

"Look - there are more important things at the moment than this stupid argument!" He himself was
beginning, uncharacteristically, to become annoyed.

She smiled at him, as if satisfied to have aroused some emotion within him. "We'll be ready when
you get back," she said. She did not wait for his reply and walked back toward his car.

Baynes watched her drive away in the falling snow before he returned to the house. The telephone
was working, and he dialled Sanders' number.

"Baynes here. Can you meet me? Or should I say - meet me in fifteen minutes."
'Leave me alone!” he heard Sanders say, 'One favour is - '

"Listen! There will be more money, this time."

'I'm not interested.'

"Just meet me. It will be to your long term advantage. You know what I mean?"

Sanders sighed, and Baynes smiled. 'Where?' he asked.

Baynes gave him the address, and sat on the stairs to wait.

Sanders was late.

"That your car?" Baynes asked.

"Yeah."

"Let's go, then."

As they drove away, Sanders asked "Where to?"

"My house. Now - you've been in the Masters' Temple I imagine."

"Possibly."

"Excellent."

Baynes did not speak again until they were inside his house.

"Some friends of mine," Baynes said as he led Sanders into the study where Miranda and Togbare
were waiting.

"Hello Miranda," Sanders said.

"You know each other?" Baynes asked, surprised.

Sanders raised his eyebrows and gave a lascivious smile. "I've hear of her. It's a small world, the
Occult." He stared at her breasts.

Miranda stared back, and nervously, Sanders looked away.

"You said," Baynes asked him, "you'd been in the Satanist Temple."
"It's a free country," he shrugged.

"Can you lead us there?"

"You serious?" When Baynes did not answer, he added, "You are serious!"

"Naturally, I would make it worth your while. Financially, of course."

"How much?" he whispered to Baynes.

"Sixty thousand."

"That's a lot of money!" He thought for a minute. "And all I have to do is lead you there, right?"

"Correct."

"When?"

"Now."

"Now?" Sanders said with surprise.

"Yes. And no tricks. I know the Temple is below the house, but I also know there is a secret entrance
somewhere, nearby."

"You're well informed," Sanders said with surprise.

"I have my sources of information."

"Don't I know it!" Sanders said like an aside. "And the money?"

"Tomorrow. When the Banks open."

"Let's get this straight," Sanders said, twirling the inverted pentagram he wore around his neck. "I
lead you there, then I'm free to go right?"

"Correct. Provided, of course, you do not inform anyone of our presence."

"What do you take me for? I know you've got your pet Policemen."

"Shall we go then?"

"You car or mine?" Sanders quipped.

"Please," Togbare said quietly to Baynes, "may I talk with you? Alone?"

"As you wish," Baynes replied. "Please, excuse us for a moment," he said to Miranda.

Outside, in the hallway, he firmly shut the door to the study.

"This plan of yours," Togbare said, "are we not being too hasty?"

"I don't believe so."

"But to go to their Temple - "

"What choice do we have? They will sacrifice Stanford and for all we know Denise as well. Did
Miranda not say that Denise was 'virgo intacta'?"

"No."

"Don't you see? I am sure their ritual will be tonight."

"The blood of a virgin - yes, yes," Togbare mumbled.

"Your actual presence at the ritual will I am sure suffice to disrupt it."

"It is possible, yes. But the physical danger - "

"I shall of course leave a message with a friend of mine, a Police Officer. Should we not return, he
will investigate. Believe me, there will be no second chance for us. Can we afford to wait? What if
we do nothing and tonight they complete their sacrifices and open the gates to the Abyss? What then?
The evil they will release will spread like a poison. Large scale demonic possession will occur -
madness, crime committed by those weak of will ..."

"Yes, yes of course," Togbare said abstractly, "you are right."

"Their success," Baynes continued, "would give them magickal power - Satanic magickal power -
beyond imagining. We would be powerless. And their Dark Gods would return, to haunt the Earth."

"You have only voiced me own fears. I shall prepare myself as we journey to our destination. May
God protect us."

Baynes left Togbare mumbling prayers. In the study he found Sanders kneeling on the floor,
clutching his genitals, his face contorted with pain. "See," Miranda said to Baynes in triumph, "we
women can take care of ourselves! Shall I drive then?"
Both Baynes and Sanders watched her as she left the room.

XX

"Your marriage to our daughter," Conrad remember Tanith had said, "shall be first."

A prelude, he thought to the fugue that would be the opening of the gates to the Abyss.

He stood in the candlelit Temple, resplendent in the crimson robe Tanith had given him for the
ceremony. The congregation formed an aisle to the altar upon which the tetrahedron glowed, and he
stood in front of it, with the Master and Tanith, to await his Satanic bride.

There was a beating of drums, and Gedor, with Susan beside him, walked down the stone steps and
into the chamber of the Temple. She wore a black veil and a black flowing gown and walked alone
past the congregation as Gedor stood guard by the door which marked the hidden entrance.

Tanith's viridian robe seemed iridescent in the fluxing light, and she greeted her daughter with a kiss
before joining and binding Susan's hand with Conrad's.

"We, Master and Mistress of this Temple," Aris and Tanith said together, "greet you who have
gathered to witness this rite. Let the ceremony begin!"

There was a chant from the many voices of the congregation.

"Agios o Satanas! Agios o Satanas!"

We are gathered here, " the Master said, "to join in oath and through our dark magick this man and
this woman, so that hence forward they shall as inner sanctuaries to our gods!"

"Hail to they," Tanith chanted, "who come in the names of our gods! We speak the forbidden names!"

The Master raised his hands and began to vibrate the name Atazoth followed by Vindex while Tanith
led the congregation in chanting 'Agios o Satanas! Agios o Satanas! Agios o Baphomet! Agios o
Baphomet! while the drums beat ever louder and more insistent. Then, on Tanith's sign, they stopped.

The sudden silence startled Conrad, a little.

"Do you," the Master said to Conrad, "known in this world as Conrad Robury accept as your Satan-
Mistress this lady, Amilichus, known as Susan Aris, according to the precepts of our faith and to the
glory of our Dark Gods?"
"I do," Conrad replied.

"Then give as a sign of your oath this ring."

Conrad accepted the silver ring, and placed it on Susan's finger.

Aris turned to his daughter. "Do you Amilichus, accept as your Satan-Master this man, known in this
world as Conrad Robury and whom we now honour as Falcifer in name, according to the precepts of
our faith and to the glory of our Dark Gods?"

"I do," Susan replied.

"Then give as a sign of your oath this ring."

She took the silver ring, and placed it on Conrad's finger.

"See them!" Aris said, "Hear them! Know them! Let it be known among you and others of our kind,
that should anyone here assembled or dwelling elsewhere seek to render asunder this Master and
Mistress against the desire of this Master and Mistress, then shall that person or persons be cursed,
cast out and made by our magick to die a miserable death! Hear my words and heed them! Hear me,
all you gathered in my Temple! Hear me, all you bound by the magick of our faith! Hear me you
Dark Gods of Chaos gathering to witness this rite!"

Tanith unbound their hands to swiftly cut with a sharp knife their thumbs. She pressed Conrad's
bleeding thumb onto Susan's forehead, leaving a mark in blood, before marking Conrad in the same
manner and pressing the two thumbs together to mingle the blood. Then she pressed a few drops of
blood from each onto a triangle of parchment. There was a silver bowl on the altar containing liquid
which Aris lit before Tanith cast the parchment into the flames.

"By this burning," she said, "I declare this couple wed! Let their children be numerous and become as
eagles who swoop upon their prey!"

"But ever remember," Aris said, "you who in joining find a magick which creates, never love so
much that you cannot see your partner die when their dying-time has come."

"Let us greet," Tanith said, "the new Lord and Lady of the dark!"

Tanith's kiss was signal for the congregation to greet the spaeman and his wife.

^^^^^^^

No traffic came along the narrow lane that led past the neglected woods near the Master's house, and
Miranda parked the car partly on the snow-covered verge. The snow had stopped, and there was an
almost unearthly beauty about the scene: the snow-capped trees, the virgin white of the fields, the
cold quiet stillness of the night air.

But the horizon around the fields began to change, as if the sky itself was full of fury. Red, indigo and
thunder-purple vied for mastery. Each passing moment brought a change, a subtle shift in colour or
intensity. Yet there was no sound, as there might have been if an Earth-bred storm had existed as
cause.

Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the spectacle ceased, to leave Miranda and the others staring at
a night sky full-brimming with stars.

"This way," Sanders said as he walked in among the trees.

There was a fence yards within the wood, and he climbed it easily while Baynes gave assistance to
Togbare and Miranda. Soon, the undergrowth became thick, but Sanders followed a narrow path deep
into the stillness, stopping frequently to wait for his companions. Baynes kept close behind him, one
hand in his jacket pocket and holding the revolver.

The snow was deep in places over the path that snaked around trees, bushes, dead bracken and
entwining undergrowth, and Togbare stumbled and fell.

"Are you alright?" Miranda asked him.

"Yes, thank you." Slowly, he raised himself to his feet using his stick.

He tried to sense the power of the rituals being undertaken that night on his instructions to try and
counter the magick of the Satanists, but he could sense nothing, however hard he strained and
however he listened to the emanations from the astral aether. There was nothing, and it took him
some minutes as he walked along the path to realise why. The wood was like a vortex in the fabric of
Space-Time, absorbing all the psychic energies that radiated upon it. He sighed, then, at this
realization, for he knew it meant they would be alone in the magickal battle to come.

He could see a clearing ahead where the others had stopped to wait for him. As he reached its edge,
he was startled by the strange cry of an Eagle Owl. He had heard the cry before, in the forests of
Scandinavia, and looked up to see the large ominous predator swooping down toward Sanders face,
its hooked claws ready to strike.

Sanders shielded his face with his arm. Quickly, Togbare raised his stick and the huge owl veered
spectacularly away, up and over the trees. It was not long before they heard its harsh call break the
silence that shrouded the wood.

"Come," Togbare said, "we must hurry. They will know now that we are here."
 XXI

Denise awoke to find herself in a cell. It was small, brightly lit and warm. There was a thong around
her neck, and she was still struggling to remove it when her cell door opened.

Neil, dressed in the black robe of the Satanic order, stood outside and motioned her to come forward.

"Listen to me," he whispered, glancing behind him at the stone stairs, "I don't have much time. You
must go and warn the others. It's a trap. Here," he handed her a bunch of keys, "take one of their cars.
Come on."

When Denise made no move to leave, he said, "Please, you've got to trust me. Frater Togbare will
explain."

She looked into his eyes, then smiled. "How do I get out?" she asked, taking the keys.

"I'll show you."

He led her up the stairs and through an archway. "Through that door," he said, "are some stairs.
You'll come to another door which leads to a passage. Follow the passage and you'll be in the hall,
near the front door of the house. And don't worry, no one is around - they are all in the Temple. Good
luck!"

He watched her go before returning to the top of the stairs. He stood in the circular chamber and
waited. It was not a long wait, for soon the floor began to turn. The wall parted, revealing the
Temple, and he walked down the steps to join the worshippers.

Conrad greeted him. "The Master has just told me," he said, "that you were one of us all along! Sorry
if I used too much force."

"You weren't to know," said a relieved Neil.

Aris, Tanith and Susan were standing in front of the altar, the congregation before them, and they
waited until Neil and Conrad joined them.

A proud Conrad held up his wedding ring for Neil to see, and Conrad joined them.

"Let the rite of sacrifice begin!" The Master intoned.

Slowly, the congregation began to chant.

"Suscipe, Satanas, munus quod tibi offerimus memoriam recolentes Atazoth," they chanted.

Then they began their dance around the altar, singing a dirge as they danced counter to the direction
of the Sun.

"Dies irae, dies illa, solvet saeclum in favilla teste Satan cum sybilla. Quantos tremor est futurus,
quando Vindex est venturus, cuncta stricte discussurus. Dies irae, dies illa!"

Then the Master was vibrating the words of a chant, Agios o Baphomet, as one of the congregation
came away from the dance to kneel before Tanith who bared her breasts in greeting.

"It is the protection," the kneeling man said as he removed the hood which covered his head, "and
milk of your breasts that I seek."

Tanith bent down, and he suckled. Then she pushed him away, laughing, and saying, "I reject you!"

The man knelt before her, while around them the dancers whirled ever faster, still singing their chant.

"I pour my kisses at your feet," the kneeling man said, "and kneel before you who crushes your
enemies and who washes in a basin full of their blood. I lift up my eyes to gaze upon your beauty of
body: you who are the daughter of and a gate to our Dark Gods. I lift up my voice to you, dark
demoness Baphomet, so that my mage's seed may feed your whoring flesh!"

Tanith touched his head with her hand. "Kiss me, and I shall make you as an eagle to its prey. Touch
me and I shall make you as a strong sword that severs and stains my Earth with blood. Taste my
fragrance and I shall make you as a seed of corn which grows toward the Sun and never dies. Plough
me and plant me with your seed and I shall make you as a gate which opens to our gods!"

She clapped her hands twice, and the dancers ceased their dance to gather round as she lay down
beside the man, stripping him naked. Then she was upon him, fulfilling her lust as the congregation
clapped their hands in rhythm to her rising and falling body.

"Agios o Baphomet! Agios o Baphomet!" Aris the Master was chanting.

Tanith screamed in ecstasy, and for a moment lay still. Then she was standing, intoning the words of
her role.

"So you have sown and from your seeding gifts may come if you obedient hear these words I speak."
She looked smiling upon the congregation. "I know you, my children, you are dark yet none of you is
as dark nor as deadly as I. With a curse I can strike you dead! Hear me, then, and obey! Gather for me
the gift we shall offer in sacrifice to our gods!"

She gestured with her hand and two of the congregation ascended the stairs as drum beats began in
the Temple. It was not long before one of the men returned, aghast.

"She's gone!" he shouted.

Aris turned toward Neil, and smiled.

"You will do instead," he said.

^^^^^^^

By the far edge of the clearing lay a wooden hut, and Sanders led them toward it.

"Inside," he said to Baynes, "there's a trap-door in the floor."

He made to move away, but Baynes said, "Show me."

Reluctantly Sanders went inside and lifted the floor covering in a corner. The hut itself was bare.

"There," he said in a whisper.

"Open it then," answered Baynes.

Sanders did so and light from the stairs suffused the hut. "They're all yours!" Sanders said with relief
and walked toward the still open door where Miranda stood beside Togbare,

He was about to step outside when he saw them. Three large dogs snarling and running toward him.
Hastily he slammed the flimsy door shut. They jumped against it, fiercely barking. Only his weight
against it held it firm. They jumped again and again as if possessed and the wood began to splinter.

"Quick!" Baynes said, indicating the stairs.

He helped Miranda and Togbare down and descended the several steps himself.

"Follow me quickly!" he shouted to Sanders who stood, his eyes wide with terror, with his back and
arms against the breaking door.

Baynes had gone, and he ran across the floor of the hut, almost stumbling. The door shattered and he
was fumbling with the trap-door ring when the first dog attacked. But he succeeded just in time in
closing the door, and leant back against the steps, breathing hard as above him the dogs tried to dig
around and through the door.

"Come on," Baynes said to him as he stood, stooping, in the narrow tunnel that led away from the
stairs.

Sanders said nothing, but his eyes and face betrayed his fear.
"You don't have any choice," Baynes said unsympathetically.

Above them, the dogs could be heard howling. Miranda edged past Baynes to take Sanders hand in
her own.

The gesture worked, and he followed them as they walked along the tunnel. Soon, it began to slope
gently downward, but it seemed a long time before they could not hear the barking and the baying of
the dogs.

Gradually, the light began to change in intensity, and it was only a faint glow sufficient for them to
dimly see by when Baynes reached the door that sealed off the exit to the tunnel. “Are you ready?” he
said to Togbare.

"Yes, my friend,” he replied, and felt in his pocket for his crucifix.

Dramatically, Baynes brandished the gun before opening the door that led to the Temple. It swung
silently on its hinges, and as it did so they heard a man's voice shout: "She's gone!"

XXII

Denise was sitting in Susan's car outside the house when she experienced her vision. She saw the
wood, the country lane where Miranda had parked Baynes' car, and she drove toward it, followed her
instinct and intuition.

When she arrived, she sensed the woods were a place of danger, both physical and magickal, and she
walked cautiously in the snow-steps Baynes and his two companions had left behind, stopping every
few minutes to stand and listen. The deeper into the wood she went, the more did she become aware
of elemental forces. The wood was alive to her - and she had to shut her psychic senses against the
myriad images and sensations: a primitive fear urging her to flee back to the road and safety; leering
and laughing demonic faces and shapes peering out from behind the trees and bushes...

She knew as she walked that the Master and his followers had built with their sinister magick a
psychic barrier to shield the woods, the house and the Temple. But she was also aware that there were
other forces outside this barrier trying to break it down. She saw in her mind groups sitting in a circle
within a room within a house... They were focusing their powers upon Togbare: he was their symbol,
his stick a magical sword trying like a magnet to attract the energies of their rituals. Her awareness of
these rituals, of Togbare's foresightful planning of them, pleased her as she walked in the silence of
the wood.

The clearing she entered caused her to stop and stand still for many minutes, and she with her
heightened psychic ability sensed the owl before she saw it. And when she did see it, swooping
silently toward her, she spoke to it in words like gentle music. It seemed to hover above her head as if
listening to her voice before flying silently away.

She was approaching the hut when she heard the dogs. She did not shorten her pace but walked
toward the door to see them crouched in a corner as if ready to pounce.

"Hello, little ones!" she said gently and unafraid.

They snarled at her, but did not attack. But they would not let her near. When she moved toward
them, they would bare their teeth and growl as if ready to leap at her. But when she moved back
toward the door, they sat down on the trap-door watching her.

Several times she tried to edge near, but the response was always the same. She could not seem to
break with her gentle magick the barrier which surrounded them.

With a sigh, she settled down to wait, consciously trying to break a hole in the magickal barrier
shielding the woods and the Temple, hoping that the white magick outside might break through to aid
Togbare in his battle, and as she spun her mantric spells she experienced a vision of Baynes and his
companions entering the Satanic Temple.

^^^^^^^

Baynes was the first to step into the Temple, but Miranda and Togbare soon followed.

The Master turned toward them, as if he had expected them.

"Welcome!" he said.

Conrad saw Gedor go through the door and return carrying Sanders whom he carried toward the altar.

"You have betrayed us!" The Master said to him.

"No! No!" Sanders feebly protested.

"Prepare him!"

"Stop!" Togbare shouted, and raised his stick.

The congregation parted, making an aisle to the Master.

"We must begin," Susan whispered into Conrad's ear.

She was standing in front of him, holding his hands as she had often done before, and Conrad
understood. Then Neil was attempting to come between them but Conrad knocked him away. Dazed,
Neil retreated to stand beside Togbare.

Gedor was stripping Sanders of his clothes while Tanith stood nearby, holding two knives.

"Stop!" Togbare said again.

The Master held out his hand, his ring glowing. A bolt of energy sprang from it toward Togbare, but
it was harmlessly absorbed by the Mage's stick. The tetrahedron on the altar had begun to pulse with
varying intensities of light and the Master went to it and laid his hands upon it. As he did so he
became engulfed in golden flames. Togbare raised his magickal staff and he too became surrounded
by light.

Susan tightened her grip on Conrad's hands and he suddenly felt the primal power of the Abyss
within him. He was not Conrad, but a vortex of energy. Then he was in the darkness of Space again,
sensing other presences around him. There was an echo of the sadness he had felt before, and then the
vistas of stars and alien worlds, world upon world upon world. He became, briefly, the crystal upon
the altar, the Master standing beside it. But there were other forces present and around him, trying to
send him back into his earthly body and seal the rent that had appeared and which joined the causal
universe to the acausal where his Dark Gods waited. He became two beings because of this
opposition - a pure detached consciousness caught in the vortex of the Abyss, surrounded by stars,
and Conrad, standing holding the hand of his Satanic Mistress in the Temple. His earthly self saw the
astral clash between Togbare and the Master as their radiance was transformed by their wills and sent
forth, transforming the colourful aura of their opponent. He saw Tanith give Sanders a knife. Saw
Gedor approaching him, brandishing his own. Saw the congregation gather around the fight as they
lusted for the kill - Sanders tried several times to get away, but the encircling congregation always
pushed him back toward Gedor. Baynes, Neil and Miranda were beside Togbare and partly enclosed
in the luminescence of his aura.

Then Conrad seemed free again to wander through the barriers that kept the two universes apart. He
and Susan, together, had been a key to the gate of the Abyss, his own consciousness freed by the
power of the crystal and the Master's magick. He was free, and would break the one and only seal that
remained.

In the Temple, the fight did not take long to reach its conclusion. Sanders seemed to have become
possessed by the demonic atmosphere in the Temple and attacked several times, slashing at Gedor
with his knife. But each time Gedor had moved away. Sanders tried again, and harder, after Gedor cut
his arm. He caught Gedor's hand and turned to be stabbed by Gedor in the throat.

"The third key!" Tanith shouted in triumph.

The spurting blood seemed to vaporise and then form an ill-defined image above the altar. It became
the face of the Master, of Conrad, of a demon, of Satan himself.

Suddenly, Neil snatched the gun from Baynes. The shot missed the Master, and Baynes knocked Neil
over.
Togbare, distracted, looked at Baynes and then at the Master. He felt in that instant the Satanic barrier
protecting the Temple break, and renewed magickal power flowing down toward him, energizing his
staff and his own aura. He pointed the staff at the Master, sending bolts of magickal energy. They
reached him, and the auric energy around the Master, and the shape above the altar, vanished. But
Baynes leapt forward to snatch the staff and break it over his knee.

As he did so, the aura around Togbare flickered, and then disappeared. But the old man was too quick
for Baynes, and bent down to retrieve part of his stick which he threw at the crystal, hitting it. As it
struck, the crystal exploded, plunging the Temple into darkness.

There was then no magickal energy left, and Togbare calmly led Miranda and Neil back along the
tunnel to the hut. The dogs departed quietly the instant the crystal shattered, leaving Denise free to
open the trap-door and, when Togbare and the others reached her, she realized Neil had gone insane.

Togbare smiled at her as she closed the trap-door, and then he quietly fell to the floor. She did not
need to check his pulse, but did so nevertheless as Neil stood over her, dribbling.

Togbare was dead, and over the trees the Eagle Owl sent its call.

^^^^^^^

The darkness in the Temple lasted less that a minute, and when it was over both the Master and
Tanith had vanished. Conrad looked around and saw Baynes walking toward him. The congregation
still stood around the body of Sanders, looking at Conrad and waiting, as Susan looked and waited.

Without speaking, Baynes took hold of Conrad's left hand and bent down to kiss the ring in a gesture
of obeisance. Suddenly, Conrad understood. He was not just Conrad but a channel, a like, between
the worlds. He would be, because of this, the Anti-Christ and had only to develop and extend his
already burgeoning magickal powers for the Earth to become his domain. For by dark ritual a new
beast had been born, ready and willing to haunt the Earth. A few more rituals, and his invading
legions would be ready.

His laugh reverberated around the Temple.

^^^^^^^

Epilogue

Barred windows? Neil shook his head as if he could not remember before returning to his seat. The
television was on, as it always was during the day, and he watched it in the smoky, grimy room. He
did not know what he watched, but it passed a few hours.

Occasionally he would rise from his chair to stare around the room or out of the window. Once,
someone brought him some tablets and he took them without speaking, and, once he wandered across
the room to watch two of his fellow patients play a game of snooker on the worn table with cues that
were not quite straight. But neither the game nor they themselves interested him, and he resumed his
chair, sunk into his stupor.

Baynes had watched him briefly before he sat with the psychiatrist in the small almost airless room at
the end of the ward.

"Yes, indeed," the man was saying, "a perplexing case."

"And he mentioned my name?"

"Once, a few days ago, when he was admitted. He said something about an Eagle Owl, but it didn't
really make much sense. You met once I believe?"

"Yes. He was a student, at the University. Into drugs, I understand. And the Occult - that sort of thing.
He wanted to borrow some money. Rambled on about some conspiracy or other."

"Well," he fumbled with the folder that contained Neil's psychiatric case notes, "I won't keep you any
longer."

"He is receiving treatment, then?"

"Of course. Medication at the moment - although tomorrow we shall start ECT."

"Electroconvulsive therapy?" Baynes asked.

"Yes."

Baynes looked at Neil, and smiled. Then: "If there is anything I can do to help - " he said formally to
the Doctor as he stood to leave.

"We have a note of your address."

"Good bye, then."

Neil did not even look at Baynes as he walked through the ward to the door that led down the stairs
and out into the bright sunlight.

The Sun warmed the air, a little, but insufficient to melt any of the snow, and Denise stood by a large
Beech tree in the grounds of the hospital, watching Baynes leave. She knew better than to try and
follow him, and went back to her car where Miranda waited, asleep.

Miranda could remember nothing of the events in the Temple, but by using her own psychic skills,
Denise was beginning to understand them. She did not know what, if anything, she could do. All she
knew was that she had to try.

^^^^^^^
Fini
 Breaking The Silence Down

Order of Nine Angles

First issued 1985 e.n.

This corrected version (v.1.03) issued 119 Year of Fayen

Introduction

The following MS extends and amplifies the esoteric matters dealt with in ‘The Deofel Quartet’, and
the esoteric insight it deals with is appropriate to an aspirant Internal Adept.

Unlike the MSS in The Deofel Quartet, the magickal and "Satanic" aspects, themes and nature
of this work are not overt, nor implicit nor obvious, and thus - exoterically - it does not appear
to be a work of Sinister, or even of Occult, fiction.

However, the MS can – like the works of the Quartet – be read without trying to unravel its esoteric
meaning. Like those other works, it might through its reading promote a degree of self-insight and
supra-personal understanding within the reader. Unlike the works of the Quartet (which in the main
are concerned on the polarity of male/female vis-à-vis personal development/understanding) this
present work centres, for the most part, around the alternative, or gay (in this case, Sapphic), view.

An understanding of this view is necessary for a complete integration of all divergent aspects of the
individual psyche – an integration which the Rite of Internal Adept creates.

Wash your throats with wine

For Sirius returns
And we women are warm and wanton!

Before I WAS, you were sightless:

You looked, but could not see;
Before I WAS, you had no hearing:
You heard sounds, but could not listen.
Before I WAS, you swarmed with men,
But did not enjoy.
I CAME, opened my body and
Brought you lust, softness, understanding, and love!
My breasts pleased you
And brought forth darkness and joy...

(Synestry: The Dark Daughters of Baphomet)

Prologue

Shropshire, Late 1970's (e.n.)

Summer had come early to the Shropshire town of Greenock, perched as it was on the lofty
bank that overlooked the Severn valley and the undulating land southeast of Shrewsbury, and
Leonie Symonds set her face against the dry wind that swirled dust past the half-timbered
Guildhall. Down the narrow street she could see a woman struggle with her hat in the wind
that rattled the iron sign beside the ancient Raven Inn.

A farmer in his dirty jeep wished her good day but the wind snatched at his words and he was
left to spit on the pavement as he turned his vehicle toward his distant farm. Thunder was
brewing, but the lightning was still many miles to the east.

Inside, the Raven Inn was cool and Richard Apthone, with an unaccustomed mug of ale,
settled nervously in a corner, folding his town-styled jacket neatly beside him. The silence
which had greeted his entrance filled slowly, and soon the conversation had resumed its
leisurely pace.

“I canna’ think w’eer ‘es gwun,” he heard a voice say. The room was shadowed darkly, stained
by almost a century of smoke, soot from the open fire and the centuries old oak timbers, and
Apthone felt uneasy.

Dominoes rattled against a dark oak table. “Whad’n you bin doin’ at my house?” a voice asked.

“Him bin doin’ summat!”

In the sky, the thunder had begun, relieving some of Apthone’s tension, and he settled down to
slowly drink his mug of teak-coloured ale.

No rain came, and Leonie waited for half an hour outside the Inn under a darkening sky before
walking away. She possessed no courage to follow Apthone further. He was a Probationary
teacher, his spotty face fresh from University, while she was thirty-two and divorced. He had
left her, and his mocking laugh still pained.

Slowly, Leonie ambled along the narrow street to the ruins of the Priory. Greenock owed its
existence to the Cluniac foundation, and the town had continued its quiet, if at times
prosperous, existence after the Reformation in the sixteenth century, a huddle of half-timbered
and limestone buildings, until modern development had ruined its charm. The old town,
clustered on four narrow streets to the west and south of the Priory and nurtured by the
medieval prosperity of the monks and the local trade in corn and wool, had been conquered by
new red-brick estates whose occupiers and owners owed little, if anything, to the long and rich
heritage of the town or the land around. The old, cloistered community, bred through centuries
of local toil, tied to the land or the local trades of such a small market town, was dying out. But
a few remained, unchanged in speech or gesture, and sometimes a few of the surviving men
would gather to talk in their strange dialect in the dark of the Raven Inn. From a small town
famed for its stonemasons, Greenock had grown haphazardly to hold over a thousand souls.

The sky above the Priory ruins darkened again, and Leonie sat on the dry grass by the high
remains of the south transept, listening to the distant rumble of articulated lorries that skimmed
against the west of the town along the main road that joined somewhere to somewhere else.

Her childhood had been strict and Catholic and she found a form of comfort among the ruins.
Its destruction seemed to lessen her own feelings of rejection and for several minutes she felt
saddened as if the stones were giving up to her, after all the intervening centuries, all the
intervening prayers and plainsong that had seeped into them, year-by-year, day-by-day and
DivineOffice-by-DivineOffice. Once, as a child, she had felt the call of her God, the holy
promise of a religious vocation, but the years drew away the calling as she fulfilled the
ambitions of her parents at University and through marriage. Perhaps she had been wrong, and
she touched the rough stone of the transept by way of expiation. Perhaps her God was
punishing her for her desertion of His cause. For years a vague need had suffused her, a
longing whose fulfillment would somehow imbue her life with meaning and perhaps even joy.
Her marriage had failed, her affair with Richard seemed over and she began to realize that it
was human affection she craved. For an instant she longed to rest in the divine love of her
God’s human and crucified Son, but her faith was broken, chipped away by intellectual doubts
and the desires of the flesh.

She sat for nearly half an hour amid the petriochor of storm, trying to desire nothing. She was
unsuccessful, and found her thoughts drifting between the selfishness of Apthone and the
kindness of Diane. She had dreamt of Diane many times but after each dream was ashamed
and as if to punish herself for this betrayed, she clung to Apthone. She despised herself for her
dependence and there had been days when she appeared cold and cynical towards him until her
generosity of spirit triumphed. Diane Dietz was her most intimate friend – a colleague in
whom she had confided after her divorce – but the friendship had become both her blessing
and her curse. The more she confided, the more she wanted to confide simply to preserve the
special moments when they seemed to share the same understanding, feel the same feelings
and perhaps nurture the same desire.

But the stones were no longer singing for her and she walked away from the Priory, her
sadness and her dreams.

I
Leonie was late again. She did her best to appear unhurried and failed. Hume 4, her first class
of the day, were all present among the desks and overturned chairs and she fumbled with her
books while waiting for the tumult to subside.

“Cor, Miss!” shouted one of her girls whose leg warmers were singularly inappropriate
considering the weather, “I like your dress.”

Leonie smiled. The early morning Sun of summer cast shadows over the nearby fields and for
an instant she forgot Apthone’s harsh words, the spot on her chin and her recent divorce.

The class soon settled to their work and she enjoyed watching them while they toiled with
their essay. Somewhere, along the road that joined the large Comprehensive school to the
small town of Greenock, a noisy mower trimmed drought-burned grass.

Soon, too soon for Leonie, the lesson was over and she watched while the children fled at the
sound of the bell to add more noise to the corridor outside. The cloudless sky over the fields
near Windmill Hill made her happy and she wandered contently along the corridors to the
Staff Room. Apthone stood by the door. She smiled and went toward him but he was
embarrassed by the attention and walked away haughtily down the stairs. ‘Look,’ she
remembered he had said, ‘I enjoy sleeping with you – but as for anything else, forget it.’

Suddenly, her happiness disappeared like sun behind thick cloud.

“Are you alright, Leonie?” a gentle voice asked her. There seemed such warmth of
understanding there, in her eyes, that Leonie blushed and in her confusion allowed Diane to
guide her, like a lost child, into the Staff Room and onto a chair. She was brought a cup of
coffee, and biscuits, and when Diane moved away to collect some books from a chair by the
window, Leonie followed her every movement. Diane was a sylph, and Leonie envied her. She
felt herself unattractive – her hips were too large, her breasts were different sizes and too big
for her stature and she had wrinkles around her eyes. Diane’s skin was fair, unblemished and
soft and she experienced a sudden desire to touch it.

By the time Diane returned, she had composed herself sufficiently to ask, “How is your
husband?”

“Off on one of his jaunts again. He’s training to cycle from Land’s End to John O’Groats in
three days. Silly bugger!” As she laughed her small breasts wobbled, just a little.

Leonie lit a cigarette and nervously blew the smoke away.

“Is it Richard?” Diane asked softly.

“Yes.” It was only half a lie. Diane’s physical nearness was making her tremble and she felt
ashamed. Part of her wanted to touch Diane’s long hair. It was soft and flaxen and swayed
slightly in the breeze from the window.

There was anguish on Leonie’s face and Diane said, “Would you like me to have a word with
Richard?”

“No, please!” She placed a restraining hand on Diane’s arm but almost as soon took it away.
She felt disgusted that Diane might be disgusted with her desire. She forced herself to think
about other things.

“Are you going to Morgan’s party tonight?” Diane asked, intruding upon Leonie’s morbid
thoughts.

“No – I don’t think so.”

“That’s a pity,” Diane said sincerely. “I wanted you to go.”

Perplexed but pleased, an innocent Leonie said, “why?”

“Because I like being with you. It won’t be the same without you there.” She touched Leonie’s
face very gently with her hand.

Diane’s touch astonished her and her emotions were too contradictory for her to do anything
but mumble incoherently as Diane excused herself and strode purposefully through the huddle
of men around the door.
The lean figure of Emlyn Thomas, the Headmaster, whom the children perhaps unkindly
called Crater Face, ambled toward Leonie but his progress was interrupted by Thumper Watts.
Watts’ nickname had its genesis in his first few years at the school when, discipline still being
of the Wass Hill grind sort when errant pupils were forced to run up the 1 in 5 hill that joined
the northern edge of Greenock to the medieval hamlet of Wass, he was fond of clipping unruly
boys around their ears.

“Mr. Thomas,” said Thumper sarcastically, “I’m sending Howell to you – again!”

“Oh? What has the poor lad done now?”

“Only tried to set fire to Reynolds’ hair.”

Thomas wrung his hands like an elderly cleric. “I’ll give the lad a good talking to, mark my
words, I will.”

“He wants his balls cut off if you ask me,” mumbled Watts.

“What?”

“I was just saying, a talk is what he needs.”

“Yes, my feeling exactly!” Satisfied, he sidled away, completely forgetting abut his intention
to talk to Leonie.

Watts sat next to her instead. “Stupid idiot!’ he said in frustration, and winked at Leonie.

Leonie shivered. It was not that she disliked Watts – on the contrary, he was one of the few
male members of the teaching staff whom she respected. But his physical presence she found
intimidating, as if his sheer size overawed. Sometimes she found it hard to believe he was
Head of Physics Department for his build seemed more suitable to a more athletic profession
and it was easy for her to imagine him shot putting or tossing the cabre in some isolated glen.
Morgan came toward them, dramatically shaking her head so her frizzled read hair moulded
itself decoratively around her shoulders.

“Gosh! It’s hot!” she said.

Leonie smiled at her, but the gesture was ignored as Morgan sat next to Watts. Leonie did not
mind – the sun was searing what remained of the green from the grass of the school playing
fields and she stood by the window, watching sheep graze on Windmill Hill. It would have
been a peaceful scene – the fields of pasture, the scattered sheep, the twisting lane enclosed by
untrimmed hedge – except for the noise of the children. Sometimes the din from the school
could be heard in the centrer of Greenock, almost a mile to the south.

Leonie rested her head in her hands, her face alternatively possessed of sorrow and joy. She
watched a kestrel as it hovered briefly above the lane before swooping down to snatch its prey.
Around her, the staff room slowly filled with noise, and she did not see Diane looking at her
from the sun shadow by the door.

Diane watched Leonie intently for some time. Leonie’s feelings seemed a part of her, as if they
were related closely by reason of birth, and she felt sad because of the selfish desire which
captivated men like Apthone and which drove them to use a woman’s body while abusing the
warmth and sensitivity that a woman possessed. For an instant there existed in Diane a strong
desire to protect Leonie, to interfere dramatically in her life and free her from Apthone. But
more than that, Diane Dietz, a teacher of seven years standing and hitherto contented, was
jealous of Apthone. She wanted Leonie all to herself and in a mood of jealous rage that might
have made her hit Apthone or driven her to reveal her secret hopes to Leonie, she ran crying
from the room, down the stairs and out into the bare and unrelenting sun.

II

Richard Apthone was ignoring her again. He stood in the corner of Morgan’s garishly
furnished room talking jovially to he scantily clad hostess while conservatively dressed Leonie
skulked in the one empty corner. The loud music displeased her, as did the wine-soaked and
incestuous throng of teachers, and she regretted she had come. Watts was staring at her while
pretending to listen to Diane whose thin dress hid very little. Leonie blushed.
Morgan left Apthone and Leonie took advantage of the anonymity of the close-pressed crowd
to approach him.

“I must speak with you,” she said.

Apthone sighed, then swayed like a drunken clown. “You are.”

“Alone, please.”

“Can’t it wait? I'm enjoying myself.”

“No, it can’t wait.” She was almost crying.

“Can I stay tonight?” he whispered, attempting to affect concern. His face, however, did not
mould itself as his calculating mind intended, and he leered. Apthone was lanky in build with a
face like a frost-broken gargoyle.

“I’m pregnant,” Leonie said softly.

Apthone stared blankly at the wall, then looked nervously around. No one else seemed to have
heard. “But,” he stuttered, “you said you took precautions.”

“I’m sorry, but – “

“My god!” he rasped, “are you sure it’s mine?”

The insult made her cry. “Look,” he said for Watts was staring at them, “it’s not my problem.
For god’s sake woman, stop crying!”

She did not, and he walked away to gawk at Diane but she rudely pushed past him. Leonie’s
crying was making him nervous and he smiled drunkenly at Watts.

“Come outside a moment, will you?” said Watts.

Apthone blinked, but followed him.

“You alright, Leonie?” Diane asked.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she lied.

Instinctively, Diane embraced her, but their contact was brief, broken by Leonie.

Diane smiled. “We’d both be better off without men.”

“What do you mean?” asked Leonie sharply and instantly regretted it.

Diane shrugged. “They cause more problems than they solve.”

For nearly a minute they stood facing each other, both expectant, nervous and unsure and both
wishing for some gesture or word that might somehow make tangible their feelings. Diane
made to speak but Leonie, confused by her own suddenly conflicting feelings, smiled
nervously and withdrew to her corner.

Diane, full of rage at herself for her own timidity, muttered a long stream of obscene curses
which the loud music drowned, and by the time her courage had returned, Watts was talking to
Leonie. She drank two glasses of wine in quick succession and barged between them.

“Apthone gone then?” she asked pre-emptively.

Watts smiled mischievously. “He’s outside. Having a little sleep. Too much to drink if you ask
me.” He drank from his can of beer, then burped. “Well, I’m off. Can I give either of you a
lift?”
“No thanks,” an embarrassed Leonie asked.

“Diane?”

“Leonie has invited me back for coffee. Thanks, anyway.”

Watts affected another burp and loped away, stooping to go through the door.

Before Leonie could speak, Diane said, “I’m going to take you home, make you a hot drink
and get you to tell me all about what’s upset you so much."

“But –“

“Forget Richard. He’s probably so drunk he won’t even know you’ve gone.” Briefly, she held
Leonie’s hand. “I really care for you and hate seeing you unhappy.”

“You are kind,” said Leonie softly.

Leonie’s house bore some resemblance to her life, slightly disorganized but planned with the
best of intentions. It was a large house, bounded by gardens which were beginning to grow
wild, and carried its mantle of children well. Toys were neatly stored in the playroom and the
expensive furnishings had escaped largely untouched by melting ice cream, spilled, sticky
drinks, small dirty hands and impetuous ravaging feet. Its size and luxury had, at one time,
been of some solace to Leonie, but it had become empty and a constant reminder of what she
thought of as her marital incompetence. Her children were asleep when she and Diane arrived
and the young girl who had minded her children during her absence was soon gone, leaving
the two women alone. Diane made coffee and they sat, almost touching, on the leather sofa in
the sitting room.

“You seem very unhappy,” Diane said as a small circle of subdued light enclosed them among
the humid darkness of the room.

“I feel so peaceful with you.”

“I’m glad.”

Very quietly, she said, “I’m so confused.”

Diane’s face was gentle and serene and Leonie smiled awkwardly before saying, “I’m going to
have Richard’s baby.”

”Oh my darling!” Their embrace was natural but brief and Diane gently wiped away Leonie’s
tears.

“I don’t know what to do. It is such a mess. No one cares.”

“I do,” said Diane. “I care very much.”

“But – “ She turned her head away.

“Leonie,” Diane began is a whisper afraid that the beauty of the moment might be lost and
afraid of herself, “I find you very attractive.”

“Diane – I ….”

“Don’t say anything, please.” She stroked Leonie’s face with her hand, and then kissed her,
very gently. Leonie made no move to stop her and Diane kissed her again.

Leonie was not afraid, only pleased because Diane possessed the courage to express with
words and deeds what she herself had felt but would never have dared to express in any way.

“I need you, Leonie,” she heard Diane whisper.

The simple words ceased to be simple: they were a magickal invokation, a chant of power and
possessed for Leonie, in that instant of her troubled life, an almost sacred, childhood quality.
Nothing was real for her except Diane – her warm breath, her perfume, the softness of her
touch and the enfolding pressure of her body. She felt she wanted to be enveloped by Diane’s
warmth.

“I love your beauty,” Diane was saying. Diane’s touch was gentle, as gentle as Leonie had
imagined, once, that it might be and she did not tense nor speak words of discouragement
when Diane caressed her breasts.

There was gentleness in Diane’s kisses and touch that Leonie had never experienced before – a
kind of empathy as if Diane was not taking but sharing. She clung to Diane, fearing the
moments might end. But the moments did not end as she feared but changed instead into
physical passion.

“Diane”, she said slowly and precisely, “please stay with me tonight.”

Slowly, hand in hand, they walked the stairs to bed.

^^^

Light mist obscured the river Severn and the surrounding fields, and Leonie stared at the tops
of the trees. Soon, the warmth of the summer sun would disperse the mist and the mystery it
seemed to bring, returning the harsh contours, bleak colours, and breaking the silence down.
Leonie smiled. She liked her bedroom with its view of the Severn, the trees full of birds and
fields and found it easy to forget she lived on the edge of a town.

Diane was still asleep in her bed and there was an innocent joy in Leonie as she watched her
lover. Everything she could see seemed more beautiful because of Diane, as if her very
presence added a precious quality to the day. She wanted to lie down beside her, feel the
warmth and softness of her body.

Diane stretched, sleepy, and Leonie accepted the refuge of her arms.

“How do you feel?” Diane asked.

“A little guilty, I suppose. But happy!”

“You are lovely!”

“Can I ask you something?”

”Of course.”

“Is this your…what I – “

Diane smiled. “You mean is this the first time I have made love with a woman?”

Shyly, Leonie said, “Yes.”

She smiled. “I was very nervous last night – I almost didn’t do anything.”

“I’m glad you did.”

”If I had been wrong – “ Diane shrugged.

“What made you try?”

”You mean,” said Diane playfully, “apart from your beautiful body?”

”Seriously, though.”

”Something about the way you looked at me, I suppose.”

”I used to dream about you a lot. Very naughty dreams.”

“And now your dreams have come true.”

”I feel really funny.”

“Well, you make me laugh!” Diane kissed her, and then said, “you mean you can’t really
believe it’s happened?”
“In a way, yes. But I also feel I’m not the same person I was yesterday. I can’t explain.”

Diane smiled and rested her head on Leonie’s breasts. “A woman’s breasts are the softest
pillow in the world."

“You make me happy,” Leonie said as she stroked Diane’s hair. “I never thought I could be
happy again.”

The sound of Leonie’s children near the bedroom door surprised them, and Diane dressed
quickly, kissed her lover saying, “You make me happy as well!” and left.

Leonie ran down the stairs to wave goodbye, but the car had gone and she was left to return
slowly to the perfumed emptiness of her room.

Apthone did not seem important to her anymore. The half-resented need, which had bound her
to him, had been broken by Diane and as she dressed she found reasons for hating him. Even
the growing child in her womb held no terror; she would have an abortion and then Apthone
would be removed from her life. She would be free at last, and could give her life to Diane
whose gentle words of love during the long humid night had brought her tears of joy. There
was a quality about Diane’s love and passion that she had never experienced before, and it
pleased her.

The mist over the river was dispersing and she watched it disappear with a mixture of
happiness and loss. It would always remind her of her first night with Diane – yet it would be
good to feel the hot sun on her body, warming it.

Languid, she lay on her bed until a sudden guilt made her jump up to attend to the tasks of her
day, suppressing the thought she would be murdering her unborn child for the sake for the
pleasures of her body and the love of a woman. Defiantly, she took the crucifix from the wall
of her room and threw it under the bed.

III
Diane had closed the kitchen door of their bungalow in the tourist town of Church Stretton
when her husband appeared wobbling like a drunken duck on his cleated cycling shoes. He
was lean, burnt from the repeated exposure to the sun, wind and rain, with cropped hair as
befitted a racing cyclist – even an amateur one.

“Well?” he asked, feigning annoyance.

“Well what?” She stared at him holding her head to one side.

“Have a good time?”

“As a matter of fact – yes!” Immediately, she became defensive. “You off out to play, then?”

He looked pained – and not a little funny in his tight fitting cycling jumper and shorts. The
long, very close fitting shorts were superbly comfortable on a bicycle, but off it, they made a
grown man look ridiculous and a little obscene.

“Don’t tell me – ‘your training schedule’ demands it.”

”As a matter of fact, yes.”

”You think more of your rotten bikes than you do of me!”

“That’s a ridiculous and inaccurate thing to say.”

”But true.”

“No, it is not.”

”Aren’t you jealous?” she demanded.

“About what?” he looked at his watch.

“I’m having an affair,” she announced.

“That’s nice,” he replied without feeling.

“Don’t you care?”

“I know you are joking,” he smiled.

“Oh, we are the superior man, aren’t we?” she mocked.

Suddenly she was angry and he took advantage of her preoccupation with her emotion to slip
out the door. She saw him take his expensive cycle from the garage, resisted the temptation to
rush out and kick it, and watched him pedal down the road. The mask of calm, which she used
in her role of teacher returned slowly, helped by the morning stillness and the gathering mist,
and sat down in her bedroom to write her diary.

Her desire for her own children had long ago been vanquished by the natural facts of her
genetics and the need which bound her to women, and her innate love for children found its
poignant expression through the medium of her profession. She loved the mostly gentle
unfolding of a child from the often shy and awkward first-year into a young adult, aware of
themselves and mostly possessed of a youthful zeal, and she made no distinction between
those who were intellectually inclined and those who were naturally gifted with their hands.
To her, each child was unique, and she cared for them all – not out of sentiment or because she
believed it was morally right, but because it was in her nature to do so.

Yet she sought some satisfaction in life beyond the undoubted rewards of her profession and
the undeniable lesser rewards of being married to a cycling fanatic whose idea of a good day
was to thrash himself to exhaustion in a fifty mile trial – preferable over hilly terrain – talk
about it for hours afterwards and fall asleep in the evening reading a cycling magazine or a
technical report on the strength of the latest titanium axle. Their sitting room cabinet was full
of medal he had won, but after five years it was all predictably boring.

She had had no affairs with men, for she found them either too shallow in the head or too
uncaring. Their tenderness, she knew, was a ploy to obtain a woman’s body and for the most
part they had no interest in her as a person.
Three years ago, her experiences in adolescence, her hopeful expectations and secret desires,
had caused her to deliberately seek out the company of women. Her liaisons had been brief,
and unsatisfying, but they produced a stronger longing for what could be – a relationship based
on mutual desire for love and affection and a mutual, instinctive understanding of the kind she
felt was impossible with men.

Her thoughts carried her pen. “Maybe,” she wrote in her diary as a schoolgirl might, “I have
found my answer at last. There seems to be something special between us.”

Said laid the book aside to watch from her window the mist swirl slowly over the hills that
breasted the road to her school fifteen miles to the east. The sun cast a beautiful light between
the ground mist and the higher fog that obscured the hilltops, and she regretted her lack of
artistic talent. To paint such a light would be divine – but all she had ever done was compose a
few pieces of schoolgirl music. The diary was some solace, and she hid it, as she had done for
years among the clothes in her drawer, before writing a letter to Leonie. The act of writing
inspired her, as the misty light had done, and her letter became one of love.

She folded the letter neatly, sealing it within a perfumed envelope and placed it carefully if
nervously in her handbag. Its existence pleased her, and she sang happily while preparing her
breakfast. The breakfast was soon over and, showered and changed, she departed early for
school. The mist thinned and dispersed as her car carried her over Hazler Hill and along under
the blue sky on the country road that joined Stretton and its glacial, moor covered Mynd, to the
ancient settlement of Greenock.

Apthone’s rusty vehicle was already in the empty car park. The thought of meeting the
adolescent with the gait of Quasimodo and the meanness of Genghis Khan did not please her,
but even Apthone with his spotty face and fetid breath could not diminish the joy she still felt.
Soon, she would be with Leonie again.

The staff room was empty – except for Apthone. His face was bruised and he bore a black eye.
He also limped and his expression been less venomous, she might have laughed.

“Walked into a wall, then?” she asked.

He sneered, and the expression suited him. It also caused his face some pain. “I fell of my
motorcycle,” he lied.
“I didn’t know you had one.”

“Oh, yes! It’s an old….”

She left him grimacing to mark a few of her pupil’s exercise books. After a while, the marking
bored her and laying her handbag on top of the pile of books as she nearly always did, she left
to make herself a cup of coffee. A few children dawdled by the front door below. Apthone was
grinning maliciously, as well as his face would allow, when she returned.

He sat next to her. “Your little secret is safe with me,” he drooled.

Diane looked at him coldly. “What do you mean?”

He produced her precious letter. “That’s mine!” She made to snatch it but was too slow. “You
bastard! You’ve no right to go into my handbag!” She attempted to slap his face be he gripped
her arm.

“We wouldn’t like this to become general knowledge now, would we?”

“You bastard!”

“Listen,” he lisped, “I’ll keep quiet about this on one condition.”

“Go to hell!”

“I’m sure Mr. Thomas would be most interested in this. Or the School Governors. Like to be
dismissed would you? For being a lesbian.” He said the word with relish, and let her arm go.
“You do me a favor – I do you a favor. Can’t say fairer than that can I now?”

“Could I have my letter back please?” She demanded.

“Of course!” he smiled. “After you sleep with me.” He stood up dramatically, placing the
letter in his jacket pocket.
Angry, Diane stood in front of him. “I don’t care what you tell others!”

“Is that so?” he smirked.

“No one will believe you!”

“Willing to find out, are we? If that’s what you want.”

She moved toward him, but he pushed her away. “Think about it!” he said before turning and
almost running out the door.

Diane was too angry to cry. She also hated herself for being too physically weak to take her
letter by force and give Apthone what he so richly deserved. She thought of telephoning her
husband but he would still be pedaling furiously around the roads and she would be incapable
of explaining why she had written the letter in the first place.

Several members of staff arrived simultaneously and she bade them all good morning in her
customary cheerful manner. Apthone reappeared but ignored her. Morgan arrived to greet all
the men – she fussed a little over Apthone’s wounds, and Apthone’s laugh made Diane feel
sick. At the door she collided with Watts. Despite his size and often oafish manner, he held her
gently..

“Can’t stand it any longer, then?” he asked jovially.

She saw Apthone look at Watts and turn immediately away, his face pale and intuitively she
understood.

“I’ve left something in my car,” she said by way of explanation.

Watts winked at her and she escaped through the door, down the stairs and into the warm air of
morning.
Upstairs, Apthone would be polluting the room with his stench.

IV

The heat of the sun surprised her, and Diane moved her chair into the shadow. Her class was
restless, for no speck of white appeared in the sky.

“Miss,” Rachael the raven-haired asked while Bryan behind her pulled monster faces for
attention and the rest sulked in the heat, “How did you derive the solution?” She pointed to the
mathematical scrawl on the blackboard.

Diane frowned. It was not easy teaching lower sixth form mathematics on a humid day toward
the end of the summer term. Good natured Bryan, his cropped hair belying the astute brain
beneath, had started moaning to add sound to his impression when Rachael turned and rapped
his knuckles with her ruler.

“Grow up will you?” she mumbled. The sixth form was exempt from school uniform and as
she turned, framed from the side by a shaft of sun, Diane could see her breasts through the
dress. The fleeting sight brought a physical sensation of which she felt ashamed, but she
smiled calmly at Rachael until their eyes met. For a second, perhaps more, each understood
each other. Diane saw Rachael smile, then blush.

Bryan stuck out his tongue, but the beautiful Rachael with the mature body ignored him.
Through the glass in the door he caught sight of Apthone shuffling along the corridor.

“The bells! The bells!” he intoned, hunching himself.

Inspired, Diane went up to him, patted his gently on the head and sail, “There, there. You’ll
feel better in a minute.”

Bryan did not mind the laughter. “Ah! Esmeralda!” he chuckled as Diane returned to the
blackboard. His lurch was curtailed by the toneless buzzer in the corridor.
Rachael pretended to write in her exercise book until she and Diane were alone. “Miss,” she
asked, “can you help me with this?”

“I hope so Rachael!”

She was leaning over Rachael’s shoulder studying the neatly written equations. Rachael made
no move away and Diane could smell slight perfume. Part of her moved to kiss Rachael’s
cheek, but another pulled away. It was a battle her respectable half nearly lost.

“There,” she pointed, moving her face away, “you’ve written ‘y’ instead of ‘x’. No wonder
you cannot solve the equation.”

“Oh, how silly of me!” chided Rachael as Diane smiled and escaped through the door.

Leonie was waiting, shyly, by the stairs to the Staff Room, uncertain how to respond. Around
them, the childish mayhem continued.

“You stink!” one small freckled face said to another.

“Don’t.”

“Do! So there!”

“You smell more than me!”

“Don’t you ever wash, pongy?”

Impulsively, Diane held out her hand for Leonie, then withdrew it. “Can I see you tonight?”
she whispered as they climbed the stairs.

“I would like that Diane,” she smiled briefly. Then she quickened her pace to become enclosed
in the relative peace of the childfree Staff Room.

A gaggle of young and mostly female teachers surrounded the repulsive Apthone who was
heroically recounting the story of his accident, and Diane sneered at them before sitting beside
Watts.

“I think,” she said, “you’ve made him look better.”

He smiled at her understanding. “Dry bones can hurt no one.”

“Unless they are moved by evil intent.”

“And are they?”

“Who knows?” said Diane embarrassed. Suddenly, she smiled. “You’ve never liked him have
you?”

Gruffly, he said, “Met this sort before. He shouldn’t be a teacher. He’ll get some girl in
trouble, believe you me.”

“Didn’t you once teach Judo?”

”No, lass, Karate. Was competitive, once. Black belt, Third Dan, and all that. It’s quite easy to
kill someone, you know, without leaving a mark.”

“Could you teach me?”

“To kill someone?”

“No, of course not!” she laughed, nervously. “Just a few basic things. How long would it
take?”

“To learn anything useful – maybe a few weeks. Why?”

Diane shrugged. “Just an idea. These are troubled times.” To lessen his suspicion, she said,
“what don’t you start classes here – self defense for women? I would certainly attend.”

“Maybe. Doubt if old doubting Thomas would agree, though.”

“You could always try.”

“I’ll think about it.”

The expression on Watts’ face – full of warmth and love – surprised and shocked Diane and
she excused herself hurriedly to rush down the stairs and thread her way through the throng of
children in the corridor to a room when she could be alone.

After the noise of the school, the room seemed possessed of the quietness of a church and she
sat for a long time by the window trying to recapture the lost innocence of the warm Autumn
days of years ago during her first weeks at the school. The promise of those days, the
spontaneous joys, seemed to have been sucked away by the drab reality of adults and their
narrow-minded schemes.

Diane’s husband was engrossed in lubricating the chain of one of his bikes in the kitchen when
she arrived, late, from work.

“I was attacked on the way home,” she said airily.

“That’s nice.” He did not look up.

“And I’m being blackmailed.”

“Hmmm.”

“Don’t you care about me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” She looked at the well-polished racing cycle. “Is your bike more important?”

He stood up. “Are you feeling alright?”

“No I’m not! Not that you care!” She went to kick his cycle but he moved it in time.

“Careful!” he admonished. “That’s a 753 frame!”

“So what?”

Exasperated, he leaned the cycle gently against the wall. “Do you want to talk then?”

“Heaven forbid! What’s the point?”

“Personally, I cannot see any. When you are in an emotional mood like this.”

Diane stared at him. She felt resentful. For years they had lived uncomplicated almost separate
lives: hers dedicated to teaching; his to cycling. His employment was a means to the end of
cycle racing whereas hers had become the most important part of her life. They had quarreled
sometimes, but had existed quite happily without the intimacy of emotions she craved. Several
times in the years of their marriage when the emotional bareness of their relationship had
become unbearable, she had sought the soft scented comfort of a woman. But the affairs had
been brief and had filled her with guilt and a little self-loathing. She had enjoyed, more than
she at times liked to admit to herself, the physical part of her relationships, but she had never
found a woman to compliment her – one with whom she could share intimate personal details,
one with whom she could relax and be herself. Someone to share the pleasures of
companionship and someone with whom she could make love because such love making
would be an extension of their friendship – the ultimate tribute of a relationship. Yet despite all
the guilt, the doubts, the self-loathing and the fear of discovery, her desire for female intimacy
remained, promising so much that was unfulfilled.
She had existed in a sort of twilight zone between her wishes and the reality of her marriage,
accepting her married life because she had grown used to it and because there had always been
times when her husband would allow himself to become emotionally involved – when he
showed by words and deeds that he loved and needed her. But increasingly, he had become, it
seemed, absorbed in his racing as she had become absorbed in her secret desires and the joy of
teaching and the two passions never met. Once she had watched him at a time trial – fifty
miles on a cold and very early summer morning – but she had found it so boring, watching
rider speed after another at one minute intervals then stand around drinking tea for several
hours until all had completed the course and the winner was declared. She never went again.
The cycle he had bought her lay in the shed, ridden once and forgotten, and her loneliness bred
desire.

An obsession seemed to drive her husband. He had no time for fine ideas, thoughts or
emotions. He simple loved life – and hated to be bothered by thinking or feeling guilty about
it. He was almost satiric in the enjoyment he derived from his existence. He had no worries –
except about his bicycles – and would begin each day as though no other existed. Every
problem – every one of her problems – would be met with a smile (sometimes a laugh) and the
promise that everything would be all right. At first, she had loved his energy and enthusiasm.
Nothing daunted him; he was cheerful and full of vitality and even the knowledge that she
could not bear his children did not daunt. “Oh well,” he had said, “there is no use worrying
about a fact of Nature. Looks like a beautiful evening – we could go for a walk …”

Slowly, very slowly, she had begun to poison herself with resentment, but it was only her love
for Leonie that made her realize it.

She stood staring at her husband. She wanted him to come and embrace her; to tell her that he
loved and needed her, to offer to stay at home with her for a few hours instead of riding off
into the warm, humid evening. But all he did was look at his watch and check the pressure in
his tubular tires.

He was smiling and, as she nearly always did, she allowed her good nature to triumph over her
own desires.

“Go on!” she smiled and kissed him. “I don’t want to keep you.”

Soon, she was alone again in the silence of their house. The prospect of the evening excited
her and she was shaking when she picked up the telephone. Apthone was in his lodgings, as
she knew he might be, and she smiled satanically when she said: “Richard? Diane. Can you
meet me tonight?” She heard the glee in his voice.

“If you bring the letter – you can have what you want.” She could almost hear him drooling.
“Meet me a half past nine by the Devil’s Mouth on the Burway.”

The hours passed slowly, much to her consternation, until the sun of late evening cast long
shadows of the Stretton hills. The town was quiet as she drove toward the Burway. Several
tourists, distinguished by the cameras, idled along the streets and by the crossroads that
divided the Burway road from the tree-lined Sandford Avenue, a group of youths in leather
jackets lingered, shouting at cars as they passed.

A van heading for the town passed her as she steered the car slowly over the cattle grid
boundary between town and National Trust land, and she drove in low gear along the step
sheep-strewn hill. The road dropped precipitously to her right into the tourist trap of
Cardingmill Valley, but she had little desire to dwell on the scene, poignant though it was in
the soft light of beginning dusk. The road wound sharply, following the old droving route.
Fifty years ago, few people had walked the moors. But with the laying of the road and the
spread of the tourist-idea, swarms wore away, inch by inch, the thin soil among the bracken
and heather and fern. Many were the summer days when Diane had seen long lines of cars
ascending the road, spreading their contents and noise. She loved the Long Mynd and found
something almost mystical and sacred in walking along its top while wild wind scattered her
hair and drove snow into her face. From its varying steep sides, worn by glacier, water and
frost, she could see high Caer Caradoc with its hill-fort, the limestone escarpment of Wenlock
Edge, the plain around Shrewsbury with the volcanic mound of the Wrekin to the east, and to
the south the mottled contours of Nordy Bank. On a clear day, to the west, legend said
Snowdon could be seen.

The road climbed steadily until she passed by the long conical spur of Devil’s Mouth. A large
gravel and scree patch, shadowed by early morning sun, had been set aside for cars and
straddled the brief but level plateau below the spur. To the south, the hill fell steeply to
Townbrook before rising to the heights of Yearlet Hill. To the north, the land dropped steadily
for several hundred yards, blotched by sheep, heather, fern and grass, then steeply fell to
Carding Mill valley, cut by fast flowing water, before rising to Haddon Hill.

No cars were parked by the road and no one stood on the shale top of Devil’s Mouth to gaze
upon the Shropshire view. Diane left her car and waited. A few sheep, their necks blotched
with blue dye, tore the vegetation nearby and a slight wind stirred while no white cloud broke
the blue above. Quite unexpectedly, Diane felt sick. She began to shake, her mouth went dry
and she felt very cold. But quickly the fear and panic subsided.

She heard Apthone before she saw him. His motorcycle was loud amid the windy silence of
the hills and she watched him swagger toward her car, his helmet in his hand. He lounged
against her car, affecting boredom in his dirty jacket and jeans.

“Have you the letter?” she asked.

A pale and skinny hand grasped her letter and he smiled.

“Right,” she said coldly, “I think over there in the heather would be fine.” She pointed, as he
turned to look she withdrew the knife she had hidden in her sleeve.

It was not courage, but anger, which made her swiftly press it to his neck. Before Apthone
could react, she snatched the letter.

“Bother me again you little runt,” she said coldly suppressing her anger, “and I will use this.
Understand?”

Apthone tried to smile, and she pressed the tip of the knife into the skin of his neck. He
flinched.

‘Understand?” she repeated and he nodded. “Now go and stand over there,” she demanded.

Apthone obeyed and she calmly walked toward his motorcycle and plunged the knife into the
tire. He made no move toward her and she smiled at him before returning to her car. Soon, the
figure of Apthone disappeared from the rearview mirror of her car.

Less than a quarter of an hour later, her reaction came. In the kitchen of her house she began to
laugh. Apthone was no threat to her – and her hours of worry, anger, fear and frustration
seemed pointless. He was a spoiled child with the body of a man.
Pleased with herself, she was making herself a special brew of tea in celebration when she
heard a car stop outside. By the light of dusk she could see Watts slowly ease his bulk from the
enclosing steel of the car.

“Just came to see if you were alright,” he said as she opened the door.

“Why shouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged. “Just a feeling. Didn’t want to intrude.”

Feeling guilty about her rudeness, she said, “Would you like some tea?”

“Yes, fine.”

Watts was inspecting he shelves of books in the sitting room when she returned with the tray.

“I didn’t know that you were interested in musical composition,” he said.

“Only a little.”

He returned the book, evidently satisfied. “There is a lot about each other we don’t know.”

“Isn’t that true of everyone?”

“Your husband not here?”

“He’s riding most of the night – preparation for a 24 hour time trial or something.”

“You must get lonely.”

“No.”
“Does a lot of cycling, your husband?”

“Quite a lot, yes.” She was beginning to feel annoyed by his presence and personal questions.

“Seen anything of Leonie?”

”I don’t mean to be rude – “

“But you’d like me to go on. Can I see you tomorrow night?”

“I’m going out.”

“With Leonie?”

“How did – “ She watched him, but he continued to smile. “Yes.”

“How about the day after?”

“I don’t know.”

He had stood up to leave when she said, “Are you in love with Leonie?”

“Why look at me with eyes askance, Shropshire filly, and cruelly flee, thinking me bereft of
sense? A bridle I could place around your neck.”

“You’re an intriguing man.” She laughed.

“Why? Because I mis-quote Greek poetry or because – “

He looked at her but she turned away. He was blushing and the unexpected appearance of this
expression of his feeling perplexed Diane. He walked toward her and touched her face, very
gently, with his large, calloused hand before lifting her to her feet.

“I have always loved you.” He said.

She smiled nervously. “I never guessed until today.”

He kissed her forehead, but she moved away. “Please, don’t.”

“Diane – “

“Please, I want you to go.”

”I’m sorry if I have offended you.” He was not angry.

“No. Not really. It’s just that I’m a little confused. I don’t know what to think.”

He smiled, and then kissed her on the cheek. “I can wait.”

“Oh why did you have to tell me now!”

“Things just happen in their own time.”

She did not resist his kiss, but it was not what she wanted and she began to feel angry.

“Don’t, please!” she said, pulling away.

He let her go. “All that matters is that I love you.”

“And Leonie!” she taunted.

“Maybe. I thought you would understand.” He touched her face with his hand but she was torn
between apathy and anger and knocked it away.
“I would like you to go now,” she said, staring at the floor.

He shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”

“Yes.”

“Shall I see you tomorrow? Just a thought. Maybe we could – “

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, I’d best be off then.” He did not move.

“Yes.”

He started to move toward her, then stopped, bowed fairly gracefully considering his build,
and winked. Before she could respond, he had closed the door behind him and for several
seconds she stood staring. No physical desire had possessed her, and all she could think of was
Leonie.

Outside, darkness stirred lazily, as it does on warm summer days treading past mid-summer. In
the shadows of a tree across the road, a freshly dress Apthone lurked, smiling to himself as he
watched Watt depart. Slowly, in his rusty car, he drove away to post his poisoned letter.

VI

The church bell, its chimes carried in the breeze, had tolled eleven when Diane’s doorbell
rang. The breeze did little to alter the humidity or Diane’s mood and languidly in her
nightdress she opened the door, half-expecting Watts. It was Apthone who leered at her.
“Push off!” she shouted.

His face crumpled and his breath smelled of beer. “I came to apologize Diane.”

“Go away or I’ll scream.”

“Now that wouldn’t,” he said staring at her breasts, “be nice, would it?”

“Don’t touch me!”

He laughed, and touched her breast. She screamed briefly, for he hit her in the stomach with
his fist before throwing her to the floor. In the struggle, her nightdress tore, exposing her
breasts. The sight increased Apthone’s drunken lust and he began to tear at her thin covering
while pinning her to the ground with his body and covering her mouth with his other hand.

She struggled, but his drunken strength was strong while he fumbled with his trousers.
Desperate and determined, she freed herself sufficiently to grasp his shoe, which had come
loose during the struggle. Her blows to his head were hard and insistent and he made to grasp
her arm, the action sufficient for Diane to free herself from the weight of his body. Apthone
was trying to stand when, with the fury of her anger fed by her desire to not be humiliated, she
kicked his face. She did not feel the blow, but it knocked Apthone over and she swiped the
heel of the shoe three times into his face.

“You bastard! You bastard!” she screamed as another of her blows broke his nose. Apthone
struggled to his feet, his face covered in blood. He lurched toward her and she threw the shoe
at him before running into the kitchen. He followed, staggering.

The carving knife she wielded was long, with a blade of surgical steel and she hissed like a
woman possessed.

“Get out or I’ll kill you!”

Apthone, trying to stop his bleeding nose with his hand, stepped back.
Diane’s eyes glowed. “I’d enjoy killing you, you pathetic bastard!”

She was intoxicated with the primal power of her Viking ancestors and no longer felt unsure.
Her education, her upbringing, all the finer feelings of her life, even her love of the innocence
of children, were banished in that moment and she perceived with a terrible clarity the
passionate realness of life. Its color was red, its expression blood.

“Come on!” she taunted him, her knife-holding knuckles white. “Come and get me you ugly
little bastard!”

But Apthone the coward retreated to the door to flee toward the dark and Diane had closed and
locked the door before she dropped the knife in horror at herself.

Blood spattered her wall; Apthone’s shoe was by the door that for five years she had closed on
her way to work. She began to shiver and had moved to the kitchen to retch into the sink when
the realization of her will became a fact in her consciousness. She knew with an irrefutable
arrogance born from the moments of fear and anger, that she and she alone was responsible for
herself and her feelings. She possessed not only the consciousness to decide but also the will to
make the decision possible. Everything was clear to her: there were no more questions; no
more doubts that undermined and made her weak.

The insight of understanding made her laugh; then cry. Apthone was gone but there would be
other Apthone’s somewhere imposing themselves and polluting with their warped will and
desire. The thought made her angry and she began to understand as she made herself some tea
in the neon brightness of her freshly painted and appliance strewn kitchen, that she need never
again allow herself to be weak or dominated. The civilization to which she belonged had
nurtured her, softly shielding her and she had been playing a doomed society’s role. Apthone’s
attempted rape, her own anger, the fear and humiliation that had possessed her, had broken
through this appearance to the real essence of the woman beyond. She was a unique individual
and did not have to conform to someone else’s set of rules or ideas.

Calmly, she collected a dressing gown before drinking her tea. She thought, momentarily,
about telephoning the Police – but that would merely confirm and reinforce the role. Apthone
had condemned himself by his act and she wanted personal revenge. If her understanding
signified anything it was this – Apthone was her problem to solve. And she, Diane Dietz,
lately a weak, emotional woman tied to feelings of insecurity and guilt as she had been tied to
the idea of marriage, could do anything because she had begun to discover the liberation of
self.

Among the clothes that lay in her drawer lay the revolver. It was a .38 Service issue revolver
and had lain in its box since her birthday over fifteen years ago. She had fired it once, she
remembered, as a young girl…

Sun dappled the front lawn through the summer clouds as her father held her had
steady. On the rear lawn, her mother played tennis while the sun dried the large
Georgian house of rain.

“Gently now,” he advised, “squeeze the trigger.”

The retort was not as loud as she had imagined and she closed her eyes as she
squeezed.

“My dear Diane,” remonstrated her father, twirling his mustache, “it is rather bad
form to close one’s eyes.”

She squinted at the target nailed to a tree and fired twice in rapid succession. After a
brief inspection her father, hobbling on his stick, returned to slap her on the back.

“Well done, I must say! One bull, other just a touch to the left.”

Next month, she had received the gun, in a presentation box, as a birthday gift. It had been one
of her father’s few mementoes from the war.

She inspected it carefully, as her father had shown her all those years ago. Oil clung to it and
she wiped some away, lightly, with the small cloth before loading the chambers. It was lighter
that she remembered.

In the dark outside, the church bell struck the quarter hour.
 VII

No lights showed in Morgan’s house and Diane drove slowly past. The gun felt heavy in her
jacket pocket but she ignored it, watching the street of terraced houses carefully. No one
stirred, among the houses or parked cars and no vehicle passed her.

Her visit to Apthone’s lodgings had been brief and had she been a few minutes earlier she
might have cornered her prey. The landlady was apologetic – Apthone had rushed in, and
hastily departed on his repaired motorcycle. Diane had smiled nicely at the old woman and left.

A few of the terraced houses showed lights and she parked near one, walking the few yards to
Morgan’s garishly painted door. Nearby two cat waileds in the clear humid night.

The response to her knocking was slow; a stair light, then footsteps to creak the stairs. Morgan,
wrapped in a coat, held the door on a chain.

“Yes?” she asked brusquely.

“Is Richard here?”

“No.”

“I must speak to him.”

Morgan’s voice was sympathetic. “He’s not here.”

Diane peer around the door and what she saw shocked her. “May I come in?”

“Look,” Morgan said with a sigh, “I’m very tired. I really want to go back to sleep. I don’t
mean to be rude but – “

“You’d rather I went?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. I can see why.” She turned and walked briskly to her car. Inside, she held the gun,
momentarily, then returned it wearily to her pocket. Her quest for vengeance had been eclipsed
by what she had seen and, slowly at first, she began to cry. Propped against Morgan’s stairs
had been her husband’s expensive bicycle.

It was the betrayal of trust that hurt the most, and she was alternatively angry, sad and a little
overjoyed. She did not mind the physical fact of her husband’s adultery as much as she minded
the deceit: there was obviously nothing, no emotional ties of a sensitive kind, no moral
obligation, that bound her to her husband, and the thought of revealing to him the dreadful
shame of Apthone’s attack made her sadder still. It would be impossible to reveal it, now,
because she was free and had only to rely on herself to experience a new strength. Nothing
bound her and she drove slowly toward Leonie’s house.

She sat in the car outside the house for some time, listening to a Vivaldi cassette. The music
calmed her and she found the trees, weird Celtic deities by the strange sodium lights, quite
beautiful. Behind the widely spaced houses, the river Severn flowed in darkness and drought.

The single headlight was blinding and Diane shielded her eyes. The screeching tires and crash
startled her, just a little, and she walked without much feeling toward the scene. A
motorcyclist had collided with the front of a stationary van and the impact had tossed the rider
into the air to collide with a concrete lamppost.

The rider, his helmet missing, was groaning and as Diane approached she recognized Apthone.
She did not smile but withdrew the gun from the pocket of her jacket while Apthone, with his
bloody face and twisted limbs, stared incomprehendingly.

“Diane” he whispered, coughing blood, “help me.”

She aimed the gun, easing the hammer back with her thumb. Apthone, horrified, shook his
head in desperation while Diane aimed the weapon at his head. He tried to wriggle away, but
his broken body refused to obey his commands of thought and Diane gently eased the hammer
back. There was no owl to haunt with its screech as she turned toward her lover’s house – only
the sound of people running, a car braking to halt in the road.
“Quick!” someone shouted as she stood by Leonie’s door. “Call an ambulance!” A large
garden hid her from the road.

Leonie was quick to answer the chimes. “Diane!” She hugged her friend. Come in. I hoped
you’d come.” She looked around. “I thought I heard a noise.”

“Yes,” smiled Diane. “There’s been some sort of accident."

"Hadn’t we better go and see if we can help?”

“I don’t think so. There seems to be enough people there already. We would probably only get
in the way.”

Leonie strained to see, but the road was thirty yards away. “You’re probably right.” She led
Diane into the brightness. “You look awful!”

“Thanks!” said Diane.

“No, honestly, I didn’t mean – “

“It’s alright,” smiled Diane, holding Leonie’s hand. The touch pleased both, if for slightly
different reasons. “Any chance of some coffee?”

“Actually, there’s some on. Just in case you called.”

The kitchen was all stainless steel and pine, but the subdued light and Leonie’s presence made
Diane feel welcome and warmly disposed toward the world. She could forget Apthone the
twisted, the deceiving adultery of her husband and the problem diversion of Watts.

“Can I stay the night?” she asked.

“Oh Diane, you don’t have to ask!” Shyly she handed Diane some coffee from the percolator.
“I feel this is as much your home now as mine.”

The words, the manner of their delivery and the gentle vulnerability of their speaker brought
euphoria to Diane. She forgot all her problems and embraced and kissed Leonie. Her love felt
like a physical pain.

“Do you mind if I tell you something?”

“Nothing would make me happier.”

In the sitting room, Diane lay on the sofa, her head in Leonie’s lap while Leonie stroked her
hair.

“I’m leaving my husband.”

”Not because of me?” asked Leonie, her voice trembling.

“Partly. But partly because he is having an affair with Morgan.”

”I’m sorry,” said Leonie sincerely. “I thought your marriage was fine.”

“These things happen.”

”Are you sure it’s not my fault?”

“If anyone is to blame it is probably Morgan the man-eater.”

”I’m sorry,” repeated Leonie.

“It’s for the best. It was inevitable anyway, as things were developing.”

“What will you do?”

Diane sighed. She felt content, lying in Leonie’s lap while her lover with sensuous breasts
stroked he hair. Apthone was irrelevant, Watts was not important. Even her husband, warm
and sweaty in Morgan’s scented bed, no longer held any power to mould her emotions.
Tonight, she could sleep with Leonie and in the morning she would watch the mist over the
river while sun warmed the green richness of earth. Then, with Leonie, to school where her
treasured pupils would be waiting and where she would try and infuse into them some of the
special meanings which were entwinned through life. The day of work done, she could come
home with Leonie to their house, play awhile with the children before the dark of night
brought the peace of contented and blissful post-Sapphic sleep.

“Leonie,” she whispered.

“Yes?” there was expectation in her voice.

“I hope you don’t think I’m imposing myself on you.”

”Even if you were, I would be glad.”

”I do love you.”

”And I – “ Leonie closed her eyes, but the reluctance remained. “Diane,” she said by way of
expiation, “please take me to bed.”

VIII

The morning was beautiful as the night had been and Diane stared out of the window. The post
dawn mist eddied slowly around the trees that clung to the grassy banks of the Severn, and
along the path a hundred yards below the house that followed the river for many a winding
mile, a solitary man in shorts ran, his stride like a gazelle. He vaulted the style of the fence that
separated the two small and shrub-strewn fields of cows, and Diane watched him run bare-
chested and lithe until he disappeared into the mist. No cars spoiled the quiet of dawn.

Naked Leonie joined her at the window and for several minutes both stood, arm in arm,
watching their minute part of the world change as low sun bore down to disperse the mists of
late night. It was one of those intense and rare magical moments that lovers share when no
words are needed and where the two halves seem united in empathy and expectation. A spell
bound them through both the gentle scented lusciousness of their bodies and the fusion of their
wordless thought. Both felt and understood the natural extension of the maturing relationship
that their lovemaking made; they were equal and reversed the roles as they and their other half
required. Giving and receiving, in turn as their feelings and desires changed with the passing
of the hours. For them, in the two passionate nights shared, there had been no distinction
between submission and dominance – between recipient and receiver – as there had been no
guilt of submission or defeat. Instead, a mutual response to unspoken desire. A sensitivity of
not only touch but mood that had hitherto been lacking in all their relations with men; a
feminine giving tempered by a very natural and gentle feminine mastery. But above all, a
genuine sharing.

For Diane the long night had been both a liberation and a release; Leonie was the woman
whom for many years she had sought, and with her all problems were resolved. She neither
needed nor desired anything else.

“I need no one but you, Leonie,” she said.

Leonie’s kiss was soft. “Where will you stay after today?”

“Would you mind? – “

“If you stayed here?”

“If you have no objection.”

“Diane, I was hoping you would.” She stared out of the window and the blush covered her face
and spread to her neck. “But I would prefer it if you lived here with me.” She hesitated. “If
you wanted to.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

”You are lovely.”

Embarrassed, Leonie retreated to the bed. “It may sound stupid but I feel safe with you.
Secure. I don’t have to pretend anymore. I can be myself.”
”I know what you mean,” she said softly. She liked being near Leonie and experienced a
pleasure when she looked at Leonie’s body. “Of course I want to live with you silly!”

The bare-chested runner had returned from his peregrinations and Diane watched him jump the
style before she joined Leonie in bed.

“I have a spare room,” Leonie said. She blushed, and then added, “what is mean is – your
things.”

“You don’t have to explain,” smiled Diane.

Into the room rushed Leonie’s little boy. His hair was tossled and his pajamas askew. He
stopped and stared at Diane.

“What are you doing in my mummy’s bed?” he asked cheekily.

“I had a nightmare,” Diane said immediately.

He pointed at himself. “Me too!” and he rushed into his mother’s arms.

The little head disappeared for a while, but every few seconds would sneak a look at Diane
and they bury himself again.

Diane laughed and began to tickle the boy who giggled and fell off the bed. The child, the
morning and all its facets but particularly Leonie, reminded Diane of the happiness and ecstasy
that were possible within human existence and she felt a sudden, overwhelming and
unexpected desire to be alone.

“Do you mind if I go for a little walk?” she asked.

“Diane,” replied Leonie obviously moved by the question, “you don’t have to ask.”

Hurriedly, though without shame, Diane dressed, careful not to let the revolver fall from her
pocket. It’s steel brought a reminder of the blood of the night and she quickly slipped through
Leonie’s rear garden, down the steep slope that separated the house fence from the pasture and
scrub toward the river.

No one came to disturb her peace and she wandered along the well-worn path by the river in
the burgeoning warmth of the early sun. Unaccountably, she found herself recalling almost
note for note the beauty of Tammaso Vitali’s Chaconne in G Minor and for an instant of
infinite time she had to stop as she experienced in one incredible moment the ecstasy and the
sacred beauty of life.

The mystic vision made everything around her seem holy and possessed of a stupendous
beauty. But most of all everything – from the grass, the bushes, sky and trees – was as it
should be, a part of a whole. There existed in the surroundings – in the soil she trod as much as
in the sun which had cracked it dry – something of the numinosity that she had felt in the
convent years of youth when in church, the choir singing Allegri, she had smelled the vague
incense that seemed to suffuse the stone and nun’s stalls, had seen the beauty of the sun as if
shafted the gloom of the church and felt the centuries heavy in reverence and adoration.

Now, as it almost had then, the moment overwhelmed so that she was forced to steady herself
by a fence and cry. Cry from an ecstasy that was almost incomprehensible and which no words
could explain.

She saw and felt as if it was her own pain, all the bitter sadness and waste just as she realized
and felt the beauty inherent in the world. She understood the possibility of what she – of what
everyone – could be. She had been blind, but could finally see. Before she had heard noises,
but did not listen and she finally understood the passion and demonic obsession that drove
composers like Beethoven. Music was a commitment, a means to discover and express life. It
could be holy, and might express the divine. She saw as if for the first time the rich blue of the
sky, the sumptuous green and browns of the trees, the miracle of life that was the mallard and
the indescribable beauty of people gifted with the wonder of thought and which yet might
make them divine.

The moment overwhelmed, then passed, etched upon her mind and she sat in the cow-torn,
broken and dewy grass. Nothing, she felt, surpassed this insight and she wanted desperately as
she had never wanted before, to find a means to preserve the moment, to capture it for herself
and others. The thought stirred her and she realized in her joy and vitality the essence of her
freedom: she was free and had only to grasp a possibility to make that possibility real.
The spiritual poverty and impoverishment of her own life became clear. She taught, a little, but
so many contradictions had pulled her she was largely ineffective. There was conflict because
others sought to keep their own image and desires alive. Lies, deceit, blackmail, the bitterness
and the hate, all destroyed vitality and vision. Only in and because of Leonie had she
experienced hitherto a glimpse of what lay beyond – but it had been a vague longing partially
fulfilled. Yet it was all so simple she now understood. So absolutely simple that there was no
problem which a time under sun could not solve.

Carefully, she resumed her walk trying through the slowness of her motion to retain the
precious moment and its mystic glow. As she walked, music grew in her and she began to feel
the need to compose, to capture through such a form part of the essence she had touched. The
thought brought renewed joy and a sharp intimation of destiny so that she ran along the path
laughing playfully at herself. Tonight, when her thoughts and feelings had settled, she would
share with Leonie this moment of hers.

Like a Mistress of Earth, no cares assailed her. Each tree was a deity she blessed and over the
slow water under a mottled sun, Diane the witch, cast her spell.

IX

It was a different Diane who strode before the fateful hour of nine into a staff room quieted by
news of Apthone. The failed rapist lay in a coma, balanced between life and death, and Diane
smiled when the worried Fisher with the balding head and nervous jerks of a coot, told her.

“It’s awful, really, isn’t it?” the sociology master said, before scratching his overgrown ear.

Watts and Morgan entered together and Diane smiled oddly at them.

“Can I speak with you Morgan?” she asked. Watts touched her shoulder, lightly, and sauntered
off.

“Diane,” began Morgan, “before you say anything – I am sorry.”

“Why? You’re only doing what comes naturally. How long has it been going on?”

Morgan looked pained. “Diane – “

“As far as I am concerned you can have him. And good luck. I hope you like bicycles.”

Despite her affected anger, Diane could not help noticing how beautiful Morgan looked. Her
dress, gathered by a belt at the waist, was the perfect compliment to her figure, the halter neck
showing sun-browned shoulders that seemed to highlight the green eyes and red hair, and for a
few seconds Diane envied her husband. Fortunately perhaps, she disliked Morgan’s
personality.

“Diane, it is all over believe me.”

”Only because I found out.” She smiled warmly, disconcerting Morgan who did not know how
to react. “Really, I don’t care. You’re both consenting adults. I just hope he makes you happy.”
She kissed Morgan lightly on the cheek and Morgan could only stare in amazement.

The gesture was only half kindly meant, for although the remembrance of her morning ecstasy
was vivid with its visions, sufficient of Diane’s anger remain to confuse her motives and she
was about to explain her behavior to Leonie who was sitting morosely and alone by the sun-
filled window, when Thomas the headmaster accosted her.

“Diane!” he said, placing his hand on her arm, a habit, which had hitherto irritated her. “Bad
news about Richard, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” She lied. Apthone was one person she never intended to forgive.

“Can I see you in my office for a few minutes before the bell?”’

“Now?”

“If you have no objections, that is.”

Lost Leonie was watching so she said, “Yes, of course, Mr. Thomas, I won't be a moment.”

”No rush,” he muttered in his abstract way.

Leonie appeared close to tears. “Are you alright, darling?” Diane whispered, holding Leonie’s
hand between the two chairs so that others would not see.

“Richard – he ….Last night when – “

“I know.”

“And to think this morning I had been so happy.”

It was true, Diane knew, for at breakfast a youthful Leonie had laughed, played with her
children and afterwards allowed Diane the pleasure of helping her dress.

“It must have been him – his accident – that we heard,” Leonie said morosely.

“Seems so.”

“So close and we did not know. We could have helped. I feel so responsible.”

“He was drunk.”

”Really?”

“So the Police said. Stupid of him to drive when you’re like that.”

”But still – “

“It was his own fault, apparently.”

”I suppose so. But if only I’d been there. I feel dreadful.”

”The boss wants to see me.”

“I heard.” Suddenly Leonie’s face glowed. “Hey – it might be your promotion!”

Diane laughed and stood up. “I doubt it.” No one was near so she said, “I’ll bring a few things
around this evening if you don’t mind.”

“That would be nice.”

Leonie’s face with its gentleness appeared to Diane to express an ineffable need for affection,
and she had to turn hurriedly away because she wanted to hold Leonie in her arms, stroke her
hair and tell her of her love. Each step she took toward the door seemed a physical effort,
separating her from the one person whom she loved with a deep and passionate intensity. The
aura which they had formed and shared during and since the late hours of night when in the
warmth and dark they made love and talked of their hopes and desires and needs, was
stretching, dividing, and only a conscious effort of will walked her body along the noisy, child-
littered corridors to the office of the Headmaster.

The large room was uncluttered and too tidy. Books sat undusted and unused behind the
cabinet glass and the large desk contained only a few writing materials and a telephone. On the
wall, two well-made notice boards hung, neatly filled, and the steel gray of the filing cabinet
complimented the bureaucratic gray of the chairs.

“Ah! Diane. Nice of you to come. I shan’t keep you long, believe me. Sit down! Sit down! Sit
down!”

He rose in a gentlemanly way before settling his half-rimmed spectacles upon his nose.

“I have had a rather strange letter.” He held the write envelope for her to see.
”Delivered by hand last night it was.”

“And it’s about me?”

“Yes. Not only that. Oh no – but enclosed was a photocopy of a private letter.” He handed her
the copy. “You recognize it may I ask?”
It was a copy of her letter to Leonie, and its existence and possession by Thomas shocked her.
“Yes,” she said in a whisper.

Thomas peered over his spectacles like a judge. “What you do is no concern of mine, you
know. Nor, ideally of course, should it be of this establishment. As long as it does not interfere
with or affect your teaching – as I am sure it never will.” He removed his spectacles, slowly
and laid them on the desk. “I have a notion who sent this, and as far as I am concerned that is
the end of the matter.”

Diane was astounded. Her understanding of Thomas had been totally and utterly incorrect. The
man of staff room jokes and unkind remarks was a lie, a figment of the imagination. There he
sat, in his worn tweed jacket whose buttons were loose, his graying hair catching a little of the
little sun that edged to his window, his lean and wrinkled hands fumbling with his spectacles,
there he sat – smiling slightly, exuding a kindness that Diane could feel and understood. For a
brief moment, Emlyn Thomas worn by the battles of his school and nearing retirement,
seemed to Diana to be only very weakly attached to life, to the world of school, village and
earth. If she blew, he might drift away to another world.

“Mr. Thomas – I don’t know what to say.”

He gave her a clean and starched handkerchief to wipe her eyes.

“I thought a lot, last night,” he said stuffing the now damp white cloth into his trouser pocket,
“about not telling you. But decided it was for the best. So you knew where I stood, so to speak.
Neatly, he folded the anonymous letter, photocopy and envelope together. “I’ll burn this and
we will say no more about it. Now – “

Diane was standing, as if on cue.

“ – Before you go I would just like to say this.” He smiled at her. “If you have problems,
anytime, I am always here. You are too good a teacher to lose.”

Diane’s feeling of relief was strong and she had begun to walk toward him before stopping
herself. She wanted to say he was a kind man, but she lacked the simple courage to directly
express her feelings, and she was at the door before another intimation of his frailty assailed
her.
She kissed his cheek. The gesture delighted him and he chuckled, “Perhaps I should get more
such letters!” before she rushed from his room.

The knowledge that one more person knew her secret soon dismayed Diane, and as she walked
along the corridors of the school to the room of her first lesson of the day, she felt oppressed.
The room was on the ground floor, shadowed by the angled assembly hall from the morning
sun. The blackboard still held her mathematical equations, her desk a few tatty books. Soon
the desks would be occupied. The trauma of Apthone’s attack had been destroyed by her
mystic ecstasy of the early morning, but the memory of the letter was fading in its reality and
Diane sat at her desk, watching starlings pick worms from the playing field grass. No supra-
personal love overwhelmed and she began to feel as if her vocation was drifting away – there
would be suspicion and doubt, the keen sidelong look, the unspoken thought. Of course, she
could deny it all – “I ought to say, Mr. Thomas, that I am not a lesbian….’ But even the
possibility of denial was repulsive to her. She was who she was, too self-willed to deny the
accusations.

It was true, and she thought, briefly, of announcing to the world (well, at least the school staff)
the truth of her nature. There were organizations, somewhere, she had heard, who would
defend her rights. Yet her feelings and desires were deeply personal and she could not think of
being labelled thus; somehow, it might debase her relationship with Leonie. No longer would
she be Diane Dietz, the mathematics teacher – she would be Diane the lesbian, marked by the
label which would colour what people said to her or thought of her. She knew it should not
matter to others – but it would. The thought of Morgan – pretty red-haired Morgan – saying
“and her a lesbian! Well, really, I always thought she was, well, a little odd!” was not a
prospect at all pleasing and she would be forced to play a role. Worse, she was bound to lose
her job. “I’m very sorry,” they would say, “but you must understand we have a duty to the
children. Imagine what the parents of little girls would think – a lesbian teaching their child.”

“Miss,” a young voice beside her said.

“What?” she smiled at Rachael. “I’m sorry, I was day-dreaming.”

“Are you alright?” asked Rachael nervously.

“Fine. Just thinking.”

“Terrible about Mr. Apthone, isn’t it Miss?”

“I suppose so.” She tried to disguise her feelings.

“Miss?” Rachael shuffled her feet while smoothing her thin cotton dress. “Can I ask you
something?”

“Yes, of course, Rachael.”

“My parents are giving a small party on Saturday and I was wondering, well, if you’d like to
come. You could stay the night if you didn’t want to travel back late to Stretton.”

“Rachael – I …”

Bryan chose the right moment to open the door, stare around like a lunatic and tumble twice
across the room with the control and agility of a gymnast. As he took his bow, Diane said,
“Your wealth of talent continues to surprise me, Bryan.”

The calculated stupidity and innocent vitality of her pupil preserved Diane’s objectivity as well
as reinforced her dwindling love of teaching. Rachael was sulking because of the interruption
and aware of the delicate situation, Diane smiled at her.

“Yes, I love to come, Rachael.”

“Oh,” said Rachael a little dismissively, “if you like.”

Dianne was not offended, for the classroom soon contained all of her sixth form set and, amid
the dry heat of the cloudless summer’s day in the restful Shropshire town, she soon forgot the
pressures of her past.

In a hospital, fifteen miles to the northwest, Apthone opened his eyes while monitors pulsed
with life. Briefly, Diane shivered, but Bryan was pulling his funny faces, Rachael was smiling
at her and a slight breeze caught her face.
“Miss?” asked Bryan seriously.

“Yes?”

“Why do cowboys ride their horses into town?”

Diane frowned.

“Because,” smirked Bryan, “they’re too heavy to carry!”

Diane’s laugh erased Apthone from her thoughts.

A cooling breeze flowed through Leonie’s sitting room while her children played in the
garden. It was nearly six o’clock and Leonie was becoming increasingly morose.

“Diane,” she said as she blew smoke from her cigarette away, “I feel I ought to go and see
him.”

Diane placed her pile of mathematics exercise books aside. “You don’t owe him anything.”

“But I am going to have his baby.”

“You don’t love him, do you?”

“No. But I feel responsible for him in a way.”

”You ought to forget him.”

“I can’t. He needs someone, now more than ever.”

“Are you surprised that he hasn’t got any friends? Look at the way he treated you.”

”He’s going to be paralyzed for life, the doctors said.”

”it was his own fault.”

”You can be heartless at times>”

“Leonie please don’t go.”

”Why are you so insistent? You’re not jealous are you?”

“No, of course not! It’s just that –“

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“I think I’ll go.”

”Don’t please.”

”I have to see him.”

”He’s not worth it.” Diane felt that Apthone was taunting her – exercising control over Leonie
even from his hospital bed. Suddenly, she wished she had killed him.

“Will you come?” Leonie asked.

The thought horrified Diane. “Never!”

“Why do you dislike him so much?”

”It doesn’t matter.” She watched Leonie – soft, gentle Leonie – for some time before saying, “I
wish you could just trust me. Accept I have a good reason why I don’t want you to see him.”
She sat down beside Leonie and held her hand. “Please, Leonie, don’t let him come between
us.

“You are all that I have left.”

”I do care for you Diane.” She stroked her stomach. “But for my own peace of mind, I really
must go.”

Tenderly, Diane said, “If you must, you must; I’ll stay here with the children.”

“Would you? Really? That would be kind.”

Leonie was happy and ran from the room to tell her children. She returned hastily, to shout,
“Won’t be lone. Promise!” before the front door slammed and Diane was alone with her
thoughts.

Leonie was shaking a little as the nurse led her to Apthone’s room. It was brighter and much
cleaner than she had expected, a corridor away from the main ward in the new glass and
concrete Shrewsbury hospital. A monitor blipped in rhythm with Apthone’s heart while a drip-
fed some form of life into his arm. Near the solitary bed, a mechanical respirator stood ready.

Apthone lay on his back, unable to move, staring at the ceiling, his face puffy and bruised. A
naso-gastric tube taped to his nose did little to offset the clinical nature of the room.

“How are you?” she asked.

Apthone gurgled. His voice was a thin reedy whine. “Tired.”

“You’ll be alright.” His physical helplessness appalled Leonie and she held his lifeless hand.

“Leonie,” he breathed with effort, “I love you.” He closed his eyes.

“He’s heavily sedated,” said the nurse in explanation.

“Richard –“

“It’s too late now,” she said.

“Richard,” Leonie whispered in his ear, “remember out child.”

His eyes opened and he tried to smile. “Yes.”

The nurse was gesturing at Leonie and said. “I’ve got to go now, but I’ll be back later.”

But Apthone was asleep and Leonie was crying as the nurse guided her to the corridor.

“Would you like some tea?” the kindly nurse asked.

An ambulance drove slowly away from the entrance while Leonie walked to her car trying to
untangle the emotions which knotted her stomach and made her feel sick. People came, cars
passed, a single-decker bus, bright red and flashing sun as its air-brakes panted in the heat,
disgorged a few passengers under the cirrus flecked blue of the sky.

Leonie dreaded seeing Diane. Yet she wanted to rest her head on Diane’s shoulder, stroke her
beautiful flaxen hair and talk quietly of her feelings and pain. The conflict made her dizzy, and
she had to steady herself by the car.

Ignoring the stuffy heat, she sat still in the car for nearly half an hour, disgusted with herself.
The years of conditioning were telling her, insistently, that she was a pervert. All the
expectations of her parents, all the pressure of her role as a respected teacher, made her think
her desire for Diane’s love was unhealthy. She began to worry about her children and to feel it
would be wrong for them if she stayed with Diane. They would need a father, a stable and
proper family – all the things her upbringing had conditioned her to believe were right and
necessary. Shame touched her, and she wondered if her feelings for Diane were simply an
excuse, nothing special and their affair a trivial episode that signified nothing except a very
temporary need.

These thoughts relieved her, and she forced herself to think about Apthone, vaguely aware that
she might not, after all, be different from other women, some sort of freak. Apthone would
need help, and the more she thought about his helplessness the more she began to feel that she
might atone for her own weakness, inferiority and perversion by helping him. It was a noble
sentiment, if wrongly conceived, for it did not occur to Leonie as it might have occurred to a
woman who had not her confidence undermined for years by a neurotic and scheming husband
and whose strict religious upbringing precluded self-expression, that she was neither inferior
nor perverted. But her parents, her husband and the pressure of her role as wife and mother had
done their work well, insidiously well, until she had almost become in herself what others
expected her to be, a reflection of their image of her. There seemed to Leonie to nothing inside
herself, nothing of her own, nothing lovable – her husband had often said as much – nothing
that mattered in any way special. Even as a teacher, the one area she felt gifted, she had soon
her prospects of promotion fade with the advancing years, confirming her self-loathing and
doubt. Unbidden, a remembered phrase broke the passage of her thought: ‘Look up now, thou
weak wretch, and see what thou art. Be loathe to think of aught but Himself...’

The phrase brought recollection and a remembrance of the childhood dread of sin, the smell of
churches and an image of Apthone, crippled. Leonie tried very had, while the hot sun beat
down dryly upon her car, to pretend her feelings for Diane were not real. Diane did not love
her – she was just being kind. Diane could not love her because there was nothing to love and
she had just fooled herself again, as she had done about her husband’s love. Morbidly, she
believed she was in some sinister, occult way, responsible for Apthone’s plight – she had
wanted to abort their child, and she was culpable, before God, she was culpable.

No cloud came to ease the burden of heat, and she sat, quite still, while around her cars passed
and were parked, people talked or laughed. A memory of happier days at university, free from
self-torment and expectation and love, was soon gone, and she began to cry, very quietly,
needing Diane yet terrified that such need was shameful and perverse. Desperate, she pushed
all her thoughts, longings and desires aside, determined to shut out the world completely, to
lock herself away, to be safe inside again.

She drove away from the hospital slowly and stopped only when she reached the driveway of
her house. Shrewsbury town had seemed cheerful, if sultry, caught in the burden of summer’s
heat, and she wished it would rain, as if the rain would wash away her feelings of traumatic
guilt. Instead of driving to her house, she stopped alongside the main road outside. No sign of
Apthone’s accident was evident, but she wandered beside the pavement imagining the terror.
She had been inside while a crippled Apthone shed his blood on the road – inside, enjoying the
pleasures of her senses.

The contrast appalled her, bringing remorse for her own sensual desires and the desire to
somehow protect the child growing in her womb – to give it life, or at least a chance of life.
Two young girls in flowery dresses came skipping along the pavement, oblivious to the
tragedy, and Leonie smiled at them but they did not notice and continued on their way, small
bundles of vitality whose innocence made Leonie want to cry.

Diane, her small suitcase beside her was in the garden when Leonie entered the house. Her
children were watching the one-eyed god, unaware of her return and she sneaked like a broken
thief into the garden. Below and beyond the boundary of fench, several young boys walked
shirtless along the river path, strangely silent under the downing sun as insects swirled in
profusion and a Redstart called.

Diane did not look up as Leonie approached. “Did you see him?” she asked.

“Yes.” Leonie sat on the springy grass, restraining her desire to stroke Diane’s smooth, tanned
and beautifully lithe legs. If Diane touched her, she would be certain of her love.

The touch, and affirmation, she yearned for did not come and she clung in desperation to her
guilt. “He said he loved me,” she sighed, softly, like snow sighs softly against glass. For an
instant she felt cold, as cold as a winter blizzard wind.

When Diane did not speak, she said. “I really ought to go back and stay with him.”

“If that is what you want to do.”

”It’s what I feel I should do.”

“Why?”

“Diane, please. We’ve been through all this before.”

For an instant Diane regretted her insistence – but Apthone was so detestable and the thought
of him using his self-induced helplessness to ensnare Leonie angered her as she had been
angered by Leonie’s desire to see him. She felt it was a betrayal, and she was jealous. She
thought of her revolver, but the idea of murder displeased her because she understood, through
her love of Leonie, that Leonie was free to make her own choices. She could not force
Leonie’s love. She wanted, with an almost satanic desire, to protect Leonie and the love they
had shared; wanted, jealously, to share her with no one and she waited for some word or
gesture from Leonie that would confirm their love. None came, and her desire nurtured the
wish to tell Leonie about Apthone – but the assault was still too humiliating and degrading for
her and its terrible memory broke the wish the way lightning breaks the air with sound.

“You must,” she said clearly, “do what you think is best.”

”What do you think I should do?” Leonie asked unexpectedly.

“Do you love him?” She watched the inner struggle evident on Leonie’s face and was relieved
when Leonie spoke.

“I don’t know. Sometimes, yes. Other times – I don’t know.”

“But you want to look after him?”

“Yes. But I want us – you and I to still be friends. “To… But I bear his child. I can’t escape
that. He will live again in his child.”

Leonie’s faith, trust and innocence brought tears to Diane’s eyes, but she hid them and when
she spoke she was smiling. “I thought I’d spend the weekend at home. Get a few things sorted
out.”

Leonie’s voice was a whisper. “If you want to.”

“Well, if you are going to spend time visiting him, it would be best.”

“I suppose so.”

“Alex has offered to help me wind up a few things. Dispose of furniture: that sort of thing.”

“Oh.”
“I promised I’d see him tonight. He offered to move my husband’s belongings,” she said
jovially, trying to make the lie convincing.

“Will you be alright by yourself tonight, Leonie?”

“Yes, Diane, of course.”

”I could stay – if you wished.”

“No, honestly. I’ll be fine. The children are more than enough!” she said mournfully at the
bedroom window where, in the early morning, she and Diane had stood. “Will you come and
see me tomorrow, in the morning?”

“I would like to, yes.” She held Leonie’s hand. Leonie’s grip was tight as if she did not want to
let go but Diane stood up and the brief contact that brought a score of memories to Leonie was
broken.

In the sky, a single cloud spread the sun in haze.

XI

The Long Mynd, the growing bracken bright green against the drought worn heather, was cool
as it stood in the Welsh breeze. A few cars lined the narrow pot-holed road that rose steeply up
Burway Hill, meandered along the flattened top and then dropped precipitously beyond the
Gliding Station to the scattered hamlets in the Onny valley. Shropshire west of the Long Mynd
lived in a different time, for no main roads addled the small, steep hills; there was nothing
special about it and after four thousand years of habitation the land wore its human mantle
discreetly. Generations of families grew together and died, in small cottages, farms and even
shacks. Few outlanders settled; fewer still bought holiday cottages and after two hundred years
of industrialization and four decades of agri-business that had reduced Shropshire to just
another English county, its settlements were mostly unchanged. Few small farms had been
mangled to form the huge concerns often run from a city or a town; fewer hedges had been
despoiled, and the native oak still grew wide and tall in the small fields, beside the twisty lanes
or in scattered clumps that overflowed the Welsh border. It was as if a little piece of old
Shropshire had been saved by its poorness and lack of tourist charm. True, Land Rovers and
cars passed along the lanes, but even these seemed unwilling concessions and the only
speeding vehicles belong to tourist outlanders. They seldom stayed long.

To these rushing denizens from the many conurbations and towns to the east and south for
whom change and speed were more often than not solutions to the problem of boredom, the
whole area seemed desolate and unkempt: farm fences would be patched with old bedsteads,
old barns with odd pieces of sack or fence, and rusty, antiquated farm machinery would lay
beside or on rutted lanes. But the land had its pride, a very local and individual pride which
few outlanders could understand since the area was suited only to rough grazing or patchy
spreads of arable crops. Yet, along many a lane among the mamelons, hedges were laid with a
care born of generations of skill.

The whole area abounded in dark legends and strange names. Squilver, Grigg, Crudhall,
Sorrowful, Murmurers. To the north lay the boundary crags of the Stiperstones where comely
witches, raven and red-haired, were wont to meet in more enlightened times to practice
fertility rites and the pagan ecstasies of the Old Religion which many a local myth said still
survived, darkly and sometimes in the young. On the Stiperstones – Hell Gutter and Devil’s
Chair where Wild Edric lost his way and beneath which he lies imprisoned with his beautiful
wife to haunt the mists of night.

Diane parked her car on the road by the square of trees that marked the boundary of Pole
Cottage. No cottage remained, and it might never have been. Only the trees and a few ruts
remained in the soil to mark its glory around the turn of the century when trains of pack horses
and droving sheep wore steadily and slowly at the Portway track, marked across the Mynd by
Neolithic man. Even the trees, spindly and twisted by wind and which solely relieved the
heathered, mossy plateau, were dying, their seedlings destroyed every year by the roaming
sheep.

Diane followed a downward westerly path among the heather, passed several tumps, to stand
and gaze at the land below. Around, Meadow pipits flitted while the wind moved her hair and
still warm sun cast her broken shadow. Nearby, a curlew called.

The sound of the curlew saddened her, but it did not take long for the Long Mynd to work its
magic. The land below, stretching to the Welsh border, intrigued her with its hill-valleys and
sun-shrouded calm. She felt a desire to live here with such a view, among the moors where she
could sense, and feel in a way that calmed, the fructifying goodness of Earth, the sometimes
dangerous and illusive serenity and the companionship of wind. She would never be lonely,
and it was as if, in that moment and the others like it, all that she most needed or wanted from
life existed on the Mynd. Often, as she walked, following in preference sheep tracks which
few, if any, human feet had ever trod, in winter, autumn, spring or summer dawn, she had
talked like a child to the land, naming every nuance of a valley or spirit of a stream. It was
difficult, sometimes, for her to leave and when she did, after a long walk of many hours, she
resented the scurrying world below. But, always, the numinosity vanished slowly and she had
come to realize over many years that she needed people, and her life below, as much as she
needed the long walks alone. But always, always, the lure of the Mynd drew here back.

She had thought many times of a cottage on the Mynd. But most of the land she loved could
not be bought and the prospect of tourist trooping summerly displeased her, a little, with the
passing of each year. At time, there existed within her no distinction between her as a person
and the Mynd. She knew this must be an illusion, but the thought did not trouble her, as she
did not care if others thought she was mad. It was a very private sharing which she doubted
she could even share with a living soul as part of her wanted to share it – not because she cared
what others thought, but because to talk about it to someone who could not or would not
understand and who lacked the empathy she felt she herself possessed, would she knew
destroy some of the sacred quality. Her feeling would be cheapened.

Yet there were cottages, scattered along the edge of the Mynd as it dropped steeply to the
valleys and plains below. She might buy one, someday. She understood it was paradoxical that
teaching inspired her like the Mynd. Her teaching was bright, an innocent joy that brought a
remembrance of childhood dreams, while her Mynd was earth-bound and dark, a woman, a
sorceress, perhaps, she had seen in her dreams.

She removed her shoes and stockings and, as she had done many times, walked barefoot on the
moor. She loved the feel of the earth, stone and turf warmed by sun – even the brittle scratchy
heather. A young man with a bright orange rucksack bore heavily alone the road, but he did
not see her and she was left to complete her widdershin circumambulation in defiance of all
cars.

Hunger and the dying sun drew her to her car, and she sat in the twilight trying to think of
Leonie. The earth, wind and sky, her Mynd, had given her a calm, receptive power that
enhanced in a indefinable way her sexuality and she experienced a desire for Leonie. Here
among the heather, under the darkening sky they might together find peace. It was an
impossible fantasy – because of Apthone the deranged. But the sad reality made Diane aware
that, for the first time in her adult life, she possessed no desire, however small, for men. They
were a world away and would not be touched.
The air, her thoughts and walk in bare feet, but most powerfully her empathy with the Mynd,
all combined to alter her and although she did not know it, she radiated a beautiful and
bewitching aura that would have captivated any man and made her mistress over them all.

Her house felt empty even before she opened the door to its darkness. The stain of Apthone’s
blood had faded and on the pine kitchen table she found her husband’s note.

“I’m sorry,” it read, “but we both knew our marriage never worked. Have gone to stay with
Morgan. You see, we’re in love.”

He had not signed it and she took it to her bedroom. “It was kind of you to write,” she wrote
sincerely, “I wish you happiness and hope you achieve all you are meant to. Thank you for
giving me some of the best times of my life. I will never forget how happy I have been and
hope we can still be friends. Diane.”

Her kindness came easily, since she had ceased to struggle, possessed no desire for men, and
still felt the power of the Mynd and the memory of her morning ecstasy. She felt sad at losing
part of her life, but it was deeper inner sadness that, in a strange way, calmed her – like a slow
movement from the Vivaldi concerto. Somehow, the demise of her marriage seemed to
compliment her new feelings and she felt free from the often-insidious pressures that a
relationship with a man – any man – involved. However kindly they talked, however interested
they seemed in her as a person, there existed the tension of their sexual desire and, often, a
wish to dominate. She had scorned this at University and school not only because she
instinctively distrusted men. The shallow personalities of her men friends had not attracted her,
and she buried herself in her work. She had been courted, often, for her sylph-like beauty and
intellectual mind seemed to attract, but she disliked the male façade of pretence, their
insensitivity, and it was only a year before her marriage that she set out with a single-minded
determination to seduce a man.

It had not been as exciting as she had anticipated and it, and her one brief subsequent
encounter, did little to assuage her intimate feeling toward women. But, insidiously, there
seemed to grow within her a desire for children. Little that she did or thought seemed to lessen
it and the guilt she felt about herself, and when on one winter’s morning with a sprinkling of
snow she had passed in her car an athletic young man clad in short sleeve jumper and shorts, a
hitherto unknown desire possessed her. He was changing his punctured tubular tire and smiled
as she passed, warm within her car, his well-muscled legs almost obscene, and his face and
whole body suffused with health. For several days afterwards she thought of his eyes, and
passed the same spot at the same time. He was always around, pedalling easily and fast along
the snowy road joining her lodging and school. A week later she passed him, fully in thinly
dressed, on a street in Stretton, and their friendship had been born.

But it was all over and in the sad serenity of her loneliness she prepared herself a meal.
Leonie, she felt, would be thinking about Apthone the half-dead, and tomorrow at Rachael’s
party, she, as befitted a natural Mistress of Earth, would were black. Her sympathetic
witchcraft might even work.

XII

Rachael stood in the bright light by her parents piano, laughing at Bryan’s joke while , around
her, her parent’s guests gabbled or drank or smoked to mute a mostly-unintelligible
background of Mozart. Rachael’s use of cosmetics had been light, the result perfectly suited to
her gentle features, but it was the manner of her dress that attracted Diane as a scruffy Fisher
tried to engage her, on her arrival, in conversation and she tried to forget Leonie’s telephone
call. “He has asked me to marry him,’ the distant Leonie had said.

“Really, Diane,” Fisher was saying, “even your subject can be taught in a more, shall we say,
relevant way.” He moved his mouth like a fish and his few strands of spiky hair swayed.

“What?” said Diane. Rachael had clothed herself in a black dress that exposed an ample
amount of her large breasts and she wore a necklace of real amber. Her shoes and stockings
were black to match her hair.

“Mathematics,” droned Fisher, “can be taught – “

“Excuse me!” she said, pushing him aside.

“Hello Miss.”

”I see we chose the same colour.”

“Yes.”
“It might suggest something. Your necklace is beautiful.”

”It was my Grandmother’s. An hereditary gift.”

“It suits your green eyes.”

Rachael smiled, and Bryan the astute, left them.

Diane touched the piano, gently. “Will you play?”

“I couldn’t.”

“For me?”

“I – “

“I will turn the pages of your music.”

Rachael smiled and from the pile in the piano-seat selected a large bound book. She smiled,
nervously, but Diane lightly touched her shoulder and she began to play the Arietta for
Beethoven’s Opus 111. Across the room, scattered with the guests, Bryan turned the Mozart
off.

Soon, only the Beethoven could be heard, and had Diane been alone she would have cried. The
music, the beautiful Rachael, her concentration, even the movement of her fingers, enthralled,
bringing both memory and desire and purging her of the past. Apthone, the blood, Leonie, her
walk by the river. But, beyond all, it was Rachael who captivated her. Rachael’s perfume and
music had bewitched.

Then, too soon, the perfect music was over. For ten seconds, silence.

“I did not know you could play like that!” said Rachael’s astonished mother.
Rachael smiled at Diane before saying, “neither did I!”

It was Bryan who began the applause, and Rachael’s mother who ended it by saying, “Really,
it seems we have had a musical genius in our midst all this time!”

“Yes, Rosalind,” grinned Fisher as he leered at her, “it certainly does.”

Rosalind smiled endearingly at him, pleased with his attention, before ushering her guests into
dinner. The dining room was about half the size of Diane’s bungalow, the large oak table was
formally spread and Diane began to regret her acceptance. She would have to make polite,
boring and feminine conversation. Only Rachael’s presence would redeem the ordeal. Bryan,
the only other pupil, had been seated next to Rachael and was about to offer Diane his seat
when Rachael’s mother intervened.

“There Bryan,” she said, patting his arm, a gesture he clearly disliked, “you sit next to our
talented Rachael. I am sure you will have a lot to talk about, won’t you?”

Bryan shrugged and sat down. Diane was seated between a benign old gentleman with white
hair and a nervous man in an ill-fitting suit with a face of a starveling owl.

“Mr. Karlowicz,” said Rosalind helpfully as she patted him on the arm, “is a painter.”

”You the teacher?” asked the old man beside Diane.

“Yes.”

“Oh,” he replied puzzled. “I thought you were the teacher.”

”What do you paint?” she asked Karlowicz.

“Canvas!” he chuckled, the resumed his nervous frown.

“Do start!” chided Rosalind.

Rachael was leaning forward over her melon and Karlowicz stared at her. But Rachael’s smile
was for Diane, and she ate her melon slowly while Karlowicz sweated in the heat.

“If you are not the teacher,” the old man asked Diane, “are you the painter chap?”

“No, I’m the lesbian,” she almost said, but manfully resisted. Instead, she said, “actually, I am
the teacher.”

”Funny, you don’t look like the painter.”

The agony was relieved only by Rachael, and she smiled at her across the table before
immersing herself in the delicate task of social eating. The thought of Leonie, sitting beside the
cripple Apthone’s bed angered, momentarily, and she remembered Leonie’s nervous voice
over the telephone. “Diane – he, that is Richard, asked me to marry him.” A silence without
circuits crackled. “And will you?” she had asked. “I really don’t know… but I have to consider
the baby.” And the guilt, Diane knew, always the guilt and insecurity oppressing. Apthone was
poisoning Leonie: but there was not even a momentary desire in Diane, as there had been
yesterday, to kill him and free Leonie. Her lover had chosen and in the sadness Diane
remembered some lines of Sappho:

Because you love me

Stand with me face to face

And unveil the softness in your eyes...

Diane sat in silence for the rest of the meal while Fisher monopolized the conversation with a
lecture on the relevance and significance of sociology. She smiled kindly at him, once, but he
was too engrossed in the torrent of his own words to notice while everyone except Rachael,
Bryan and herself (and the old man, who had fallen asleep) nodded sagely their assent. Toward
the end of the interminable meal she could see Bryan fighting a desperate battle with himself
and was a little disappointed when he did not leap up and cartwheel over the table as part of
him so obviously wanted.

“You see!” said Fisher, his eyes glazed while Rachael’s mother served coffee, “the community
of similar interests which underlies this restricted code obviates the requirement for subjective
intent to be verbally elaborated and made fundamentally explicit.”
Fisher smiled. “It’s quite simple, Bryan. The codes determine the area of discretion – “

Diane could restrain herself no more. She stood up. “If you’ll excuse Rachael and me. She has
promised to play a little more music.”

“Yes,” agreed Rosalind, “that would be very nice. We could listen in here.”

Rachael did not disappoint and followed Diane out.

“You don’t have to play,” Diane said as Rachael sat at the piano. “It was just an excuse.”

“I know. But I’d like to play, Diane.” She breathed the name softly and Diane was aware of
the intimacy.

Scorning the Beethoven, Rachael played from memory part of Scriabin’s Ninth Sonata. Half of
her youthful face was shadowed, and as she bent of the piano, her eyes closed, her fingers
seemingly possessed of a life all their own, she seemed to Diane to embodiment of
enchantment and it occurred to her, very slowly, that she was seducing Rachael. As the last
notes faded, undampened by the pedal, Rachael’s mother shouted from the dining room.

“That is awful! Play something better.”

Angry, Rachael played a few bars of a nursery rhyme before slamming the lid in disgust. The
tempestuousness, the vitality and Rachael’s youthful health, vibrated a memory in Diane and
she was torn between a desire to become close with Rachael and her faithfulness toward the
insecure Leonie. For an instant, an incredible instant, it seemed to her as if Rachael was the
wildness of the Mynd come alive.

“Is Mr. Apthone any better?” Rachael asked, intruding upon her thought.

“Not really.”

”I never liked him,” Rachael said directly. “He gave me the creeps.”
The juxtaposition of Rachael’s mature sensibilities with the speaking of uncritical youthful
thought confused Diane momentarily because she had forgotten Rachael was her pupil.
Rachael herself was embarrassed by the change and bit her lip.

“Shall I play some more for you?”

They were clearly forgotten, for laughter drifted from the dining room, following the cigar
smoke and the aroma of ground coffee.

“Yes, Rachael, I would love you to. You never said you were so talented.”

“I only play when I am inspired.” She laid the book out at the beginning of Opus 111. “You
inspire me,” she said and immediately began to play.

Her playing and Rachael herself were magickal. She was possessed, hardly seemed human and
Diane found it difficult to believe her age because her playing was so full of mature emotion.
Rachael did not need the music and Diane stood beside her, fearing to breath, and when it was
over she was crying, softly. Never before in her life had she been so moved by a piece of
music: she had attended better performances, perhaps, listened to greater music, but never had
it been so personal. Never had she been involved as she was when Rachael played. It was not
Beethoven – it was Rachael and she, a joining of mutual souls. The music joined them together
in an indefinable numinous way.

“Why,” Diane said, trying to hold the moment through silence as she touched Rachael’s
shoulder, “are you studying maths?”

“I’m not that good,” replied Rachael softly.

“Oh but Rachael, you are!”

Rachael shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel different tonight. It was like I didn’t have to try. I
can’t explain really. Once I’d begun, everything happened naturally. I’ve never felt like that
before.” She stared at the floor. “I’ve never been able to play the whole Sonata before – but I
wanted to play well – for you.”
“You could become a professional pianist.”

“Would you be proud of me if I was?”

The question hit Diane like a slap in the face. Carefully, she said, “you are lovely as you are!”

Rachael’s reply was never uttered as the guests, led by Rachael’s mother entered the room.

“Mr. Karlowicz,” announced Rosalind, gripping Karlowicz’s arm, has agree to paint Rachael’s
portrait, haven’t you?

The painter smiled awkwardly and nodded while Fisher grinned and said, “In the nude, eh?”

”I do not know,” replied Karlowicz. “I cannot say.”

“Until you have seen the goods, eh?” laughed Fisher while Rachael’s mother smiled.

“Have you ever thought,” Diane asked Rachael’s mother in a loud voice, “that Rachael might
be a pianist?”

“Heavens no!” She wants to be a mathematician, like my father. He was a Professor, you
know.”

“No, I didn’t.” Bryan had rescued Rachael from the clutches of Karlowicz and Fisher and in a
gentle voice Diane added, “she has a talent for the piano. A great gift. She could obtain a
scholarship easily. It would be a pity to waste such talent.”

“Nonsense! She is more gifted at mathematics. Like my father was.”

Diane remained silent while Rachael’s mother smiled gracefully and left to attend to her
guests. Fisher was moving toward Diane, but she brushed past him. After the shared passion of
Beethoven everything and everyone except Rachael seemed bland.
“Rachael,” she said while Bryan winked at her and left to talk with Fisher. “I’m afraid I’d like
to go.”

Rachael’s face crumpled and she looked as if she might cry, but Diane said “it’s all right. Your
piano playing has made everything – “

Rachael smiled. “Nowhere, Geliebte, can world exist but within. Life passes in
transformation.”

Unnecessarily, she added, “I do understand, Diane.”

“We must meet for a talk sometime.”

“I would like that very much. Can it be soon?”

“I hope so.” She moved to hold Rachael’s hand but stopped herself. She felt responsible – for
Rachael was barely seventeen and her pupil. She could pretend she did not care and become
formal, delineating through her authority as Rachael’s teacher, their respective roles and had
she not stood and listened and shared with Rachael the Beethoven and had she not felt
instinctively that her own feelings were reciprocated, she might have done so. She had no
experience to guide her and felt confused.

“Can you convey my apologies to your parents?” was all she said.

“Yes – they won’t mind. Probably won’t even notice you’re gone.”

”I’ll telephone you tomorrow,” Diane said without thinking.

Rachael blushed. “I’ll look forward to that.”

They stared at each other, both unsure what to do. It was Diane who said, “Well, goodbye.”
Without looking back she walked out into the hazy sunlight of middle evening.
The drive along the deserted Greenock to Stretton road brought some calm to Diane and she
was able to forget, for a while, Rachael and her music. It was a beautiful evening, humid with
a slight breeze and it did not seem to matter that the haze was caused by industrial pollution in
Europe being carried in the lofty winds of the high-pressure area. Twice a day, five times a
week during term, for nearly six years, she had been along the road and knew every grassy
bank, the shape of every hedge through every season, even the position of each pothole. The
road wound its undulating way, straddling the coppiced, oak-filled ridge that rose above the
cultivated plain to the north-east of the Stretton fault, before dropping into the scattered
farmsteads and villages of Ape Dale, and turning west over the Stretton hills and down into the
valley, a funnel for trunk road traffic.

Everything here changed slowly. No new houses had been built during her time of tenure and
over the years the villages through which she passed remained the same: the squat cottages
with their small gardens of rose and bright flowers; the farms, often with the pungent smell of
manure. She felt part of the land, secure because of her familiarity. Two-thirds of the distance
out from Greenock lay a garage, skirting the few houses and bungalows of the village of Wall
through which the road turned sharply west. The garage, well-worn and fraying brick, had
been closed twice, re-sold often and now its small grimy windows showed the familiar sign:
“Under New Management.’

Diane slowed, but a large ‘Closed’ sign was battened to the patched door and she drove on
while Beethoven played in her head. Stretton was quiet. Only a few cars were parked beside
the Limes of the main wide street of Victorian shop facades. The cinema has long ago been
replaced by a red-brick supermarket and the cottages which had once graced the top corner of
the street down which the water flooded after storm, had been removed, replaced by Banks as
the railway brought prosperity and popularity to the town.

The High Street, leading south past the mock columned Banks, was a jumble of periods from
half-timbered Georgian through mock wattle and daub to a handful of Victorian facades, and
the breeze stirred the pavement litter. It had been a good day, for tourists.

The narrow road widened past new housing estates clawed out from farming land, past the
disused and quaintly small gas-works to the beginning of World’s End and the foot of Ashlet
Hill where Diane’s bungalow lay, shaded from all evening sun. She sat in her car in the
driveway for several minutes, thinking about Rachael and Leonie until someone rapped on the
roof.
It was Watts. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Lucky for you I was early then. I suppose you’d better come in.”

The sitting room smelled, vaguely, and she opened all the windows wide.

“Well?” she asked while Watts leaned against the frame of the door.

“Have you seen Leonie?”

“No.”

“They are getting married.”

She betrayed to surprise. “I thought they might.”

“You know why?”

“I’ve got a good idea.”

“She feels guilty as well, I presume.”

“It’s typical of Apthone.”

“You don’t mind?”

“She had her own life to lead.”

“And Apthone?”
“I try not to think about him.” She shivered involuntarily. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Yes.” He did not stand aside and she had to brush past him on her way to the kitchen.

“Please don’t.” She moved away.

“But Diane – “

“I’m sorry. I’ve gone off men since – “

“What?”

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

Watts held her by the shoulder, but she did not look at his face. “Diane, I love you.”

”Don’t say that!” She wriggled free.

“Why not? It’s true!” She stood with her back to him and he said, “What’s wrong? What has
Apthone done now?”

“What make you think it has anything to do with him?”

“Instinct,” said Watts sharply.

She turned around suddenly. “Look Alex, I’m very fond of you but at the moment I don’t want
any sort of relationship. With anyone.”

He smiled, lopsidedly. “We’d all be better off with Apthone dead.”

“He’s crucified himself.”

“And now he’s crucifying Leonie. And you.” He watched her very carefully. “You’ve gone off
Leonie, haven’t you?” When she did not answer he said, “Because she is still bound to
Apthone, isn’t it? She prefers Apthone to you.”

“You don’t know what you are talking about!”

He smiled. “I think I do.”

“I’m very tired,” she said coldly. “I’m sorry but would you mind if we forgot about the
coffee?”

“You want me to go?”

“Yes.”

“I guess I can wait a little longer,” he shrugged then squinted at her. “Did Apthone come here
the other night after I left?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Nothing. Just a guess. Well, I suppose I’d better be going then.”

“If you wouldn’t mind.”

She walked with him to the door. “All problems can be solved,” he said mordantly. He moved
to kiss her but she stepped back and shut the door before he could speak.

She was tired and sat in her sitting room while a refreshing breeze caught her face and ruffled,
slightly, her hair. Among her records she found a performance of Beethoven’s Opus 111 but it
was Rachael’s music and she could not listen to someone else playing it.

Instead, she contented herself with watching a television program. The play seemed realistic
with the characters screaming at each other in broad Glaswegian and she watched it to its
conclusion before switching the set off. The real world was in her head, full of conflicting
dreams and desires, and after she had carefully closed all windows and locked and bolted the
doors, she undressed for bed.

Sleep did not come easily and in the humid darkness she was restless for many hours before
the pleasant relief of sleeping dreams overcame her troubled mind and allowed her naked,
sweaty body to relax. The dreamed she was by the sea under a beautiful blue sky but the sea
was full of rubbish and untreated sewage. Rachael was walking nearby, laughing and smiling
while she talked to several young men. She walked toward her and, as a stranger invited the
beautiful girl for a drink. Access to the bar of the hotel was through a small door through
which they had to crawl and she had ordered drinks for them both while Watts the bartender
sneered. She felt guilty and tried to escape through the door, but the opening was now only a
small hole and she could not squeeze through. Instead, she returned to Rachael secretly
pleased that she could not escape.

She was awoken in the early morning hours of darkness by the ringing of the doorbell. A brief
terror suffused her, but she calmly dressed, gathered her revolver from the drawer and walked
purposefully into the stinging brightness of the hall.

It was Rachael, leaning on her cycle and Diane hid the revolver behind her back.

“I had an argument with my mother,” she said.

“And you’ve cycled all the way here?”

”Yes.”

“You’d better come in.”

Rachael wheeled her bicycle into the hall while Diane hid the gun in a pocket of a coat by the
door. In the sitting room, they sat together on the sofa.

“What was the argument about?”

“Nothing.”

“It was about me wasn’t it?”

“Yes.” She stared glumly at the carpet. “She said I was too old to have crushes on women
teachers.”

“I see.”

“She doesn’t understand.” Nervously, she bit a nail. “I’m not wrong, am I?”

Looking at Rachael’s face, Diane could not lie. “No, Rachael, you are not wrong.”

“What shall we do?”

“I don’t know. I am in a very difficult position.”

“Because you are my teacher?”

“I’m afraid so.”

”I wouldn’t want to do anything to harm you.”

“I know. Are you sure – “

“That it is not just a crush? Oh yes, I’m sure.”

“Do your parents know you are here?”

“No.”

“Hadn’t we better tell them? They will be worried.”

”I’m over sixteen. Anyway, they don’t care about me – only about themselves.”

“Shall we telephone them?’

“I’d rather you didn’t. I left a note. They’ll find it in the morning. It was really awful after you
left.” She looked around.

“Is your husband here?”

“No.”

“Oh. I presumed – “

“Actually, we’re getting divorced.”

”Really?”

“Yes.”

“Can I stay with you – for a while?”

“It might not be wise.”

”But no one will know – about us, I mean.”

”There is nothing for anyone to know.”

“But the could be, couldn’t there, Diane?”

“You might be mistaken about yourself.”

Rachael smiled. “I don’t think so. Not after tonight. When I played the Beethoven for you, I
knew. I have felt like this for you for a long time, but never dared say anything.”
“If the weather is fine tomorrow, shall we have a picnic on the Long Mynd?”

“That would be marvellous!”

“Now you must get some sleep. I’ll show you to the spare room.” She smiled. “I don’t suppose
you brought any clothes?”

”No.”

”Don’t worry. You can borrow one of my nightdresses. It might just fit!”

“It doesn’t matter really. It’s too hot anyway.”

Diane showed her to the small room, somewhat cluttered with space bicycle wheels and
punctured tubular tires.

“Diane, it’s very kind of you.”

Embarrassed, she said, “Sleep well.”

”And you.”

Her own bed felt damp with the sweat that the sultry night had drawn and she lay naked on the
sheet in the airless room. She heard the church clock strike the half-hour and she counted the
three tolls. The bedroom door opened, showing a chink or light from the hall and she lay
motionless while Rachael sneaked into her bed.

“I couldn’t sleep,” the girl said as she lay beside Diane covering herself with part of the duvet.
For several minutes they both lay still, without speaking, until almost at the same time they
moved toward each other. They embraced, strongly, naked body to naked body, before
relaxing in each other’s arms, and it was like that that they fell asleep to dream in the humid
heat of the night.

XIII
Diane’s awakening was gentle and she opened her eyes in response to Rachael’s hand to find
Rachael dressed and holding a tray.

“I thought you’d like some breakfast.”

“What time is it?” she asked grogged.

“Half past ten.”

”Really? I have overslept!”

Holding the duvet to cover her breasts, she sat up and took the tray. “What’s the weather like?”

“Beautiful!” Rachael opened the curtains and window. “I didn’t know how you liked your
eggs, so I guessed. Hope they are all right. There’s more coffee if you want it.”

”Do you know, this is the first time that I have ever had breakfast in bed?”

“You deserve it! I’ll finish cleaning the sitting room.”

Before Diane could respond, Rachael left. Soon, she heard a vacuum cleaner being used and
she had finished her breakfast and set the tray aside before Rachael have returned.

“Shall we take sandwiches?” an exuberant Rachael asked.

“Sorry?”

“For the Long Mynd. You know, the picnic.”

“I hadn’t really thought about it. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. But I always get up around six.”

“Good heavens! Why?”

“I run.” Shyly, she added, “not far, only a couple of miles.”

”Rather you than me.”

“Your ought to try it.”

”No thanks, I’m happy being as I am – fat and flabby.”

Rachael laughed, gathered the tray and said, “I’ll see to this while you get dressed.”

Rachael was not an intrusion into her privacy, and Diane found it natural that she should be
around. A little diffidence remained, but it was if they had been friends for years. She emerged
dressed to find the whole house, with the exception of her bedroom, tidied and cleaned.

“Well,” explained Rachael a little embarrassed, “I woke up at six out of habit and had to do
something.”

“Do you want to telephone your parents?”

“Not really.”

”It would be best.”

”Well, if you think so.”

”You could say you were staying here for a few days – that is, if you want to.”

Rachael was ecstatic. “Can I telephone them now, then?”

“Yes, of course”

She returned dejected. “My mother wasn’t too happy. She wants me to go home.”
“And do you want to?”

”Not any more.”

”Shall we go for a walk?”

”I suppose so.”

”Rachael,” Diane said softly. “I don’t mean to interfere. You are an adult – you can make you
own decisions. You are free to do what you want. Nobody owns you – not any more anyway.
If you wanted to leave school for that matter, no one could prevent you. But if you want to
stay, do so for the right reasons, not because you are being emotionally blackmailed.”

“By my mother you mean?”

“Maybe. I don’t know, and it’s not really for me to say. You must make your own decisions.”

“I don’t want to go back home. There’s nothing for me there.

“Except a grand piano!”

Rachael laughed, “except the piano!”

Together they walked from the bungalow in the warm air of mid-Sunday morning along the
road to the Little Stretton and wooded track to Ashes Hollow, a stream filled batch between
the steeply rising hills of Grindle Hills and Yearlet. The summer’s morning was alive with
promise and the early mist had been dispersed by the sun, leaving dewy grass. The water in the
stream was low, and Rachael removed her shoes to walk barefoot. No one came along the
isolated valley to disturb them.

“Cor!” Rachael shouted, “this water’s cold!”

Under the blue sky with a wind to cool the rising heat of the sun surrounded by the nature-
filled peace of the valley, it was not long before Diane had removed her own shoes and began
walking tentatively among the stines and boulders of the stream.
It was the splash of water that Rachael threw over her that freed her and, like two friends of
the same age, they played in and with the water, chasing each other in turn, until they were
both exhausted and soaked. On the grassy bank they stretched themselves to dry.

“Do you want to do mathematics at University?” Diane asked.

There was a long pause, while Rachael ran her hand through the short, sheep-cropped grass
and a Dipper bobbed around the stream. “Not particularly. I don’t know what I want to do.”

“You could make a career as a pianist.”

Rachael laughed, but it was not a dismissive laugh. “I don’t know as if I want to, though.”

”You have ample time to decide.”

”Probably. Now I’m leaving home.”

”What would you like to do this afternoon?”

“I could stay here all day.”

”If I stay here much longer I will fall asleep.”

Rachael sat up. “I suppose we’d better go and change.”

”Hmmm.” Diane closed her eyes and Rachael crept to the stream to fill her shoe with water.
Slowly, she poured it over Diane’s head. Diane shrieked, and chased Rachael along the path. A
middle-aged man with a wizened face stood by the footbridge at the end of the path where it
grew rocks, staring with a puzzled look at the two women. They saw him and stopped their
chasing and playful yells.

“Good morning!” said Rachael loudly as they passed him.

He looked at them both quizzically, snorted and strode purposefully down the path while
Rachael and Diane laughed.
“Race you home.” Rachael said.

“It wouldn’t be a race! Perhaps if you gave me fifteen minutes start!”

“You’d be home by then.”

“Exactly!”

Barefooted they followed the track to the road and the warm pavement to Diane’s home. In
front of the driveway stood a car.

“Oh dear,” said Rachael, nodding her head toward it, “trouble!”

“Your parents?”

”My mother.”

“Rachael!” shouted her mother as they drew near, “what have you been doing?”

”Just a walk mother.”

Her mother was speedily out of the car. “Just look at you! And Miss Dietz, I’m surprised at
you!”

“Would you like to come in for some coffee?” Diane asked with a smile.

“No thank you. I came to fetch Rachael. And by the looks of things I arrived just in time.”

”Oh mother, don’t fuss!”

“Are you sure you won’t come in?” Diane asked.

“Rachael,” shouted her mother, “put your shoes on and come with me!”
Rachael held her head to one side. “No.”

Her mother looked for a moment. “What did you say?”

“I said no. I’m staying here with Diane.”

”I see! So it’s Diane now, is it? Just wait until your father hears of this!”

“I’m staying with Diane. I’m leaving home.”

”That is impossible!”

“No, it is not. I’m over sixteen.”

”You are just a child!”

Rachael turned away be her mother held her arm. “Rachael, you are coming home with me this
instant!”

“No I’m not.”

”How dare you speak to me like that! Do you forget who I am, who you are?”

But Rachael shook herself free from her mother and turned toward Diane. “I can see you have
had a hand in all this Miss Dietz.”

”Its Mrs. Dietz, actually,” corrected Rachael.

“I see!” shouted her mother embarrassed and angry. “Well, Mrs. Dietz, I am holding you
responsible for all this. Dividing our family. Rachael are you coming?”

”No! I’m not!”

“Well Miss Dietz, just wait until Mr. Thomas hears of your interference. A fine teacher you
are telling a young girl to disobey her parents!”
“Mother, that’s not fair! It was my own decision.”

”I would not at all be surprised, Miss Dietz, if you weren’t forced to resign over this.
Encouraging young girls in their lewd and sordid fantasies indeed! You should be ashamed of
yourself, corrupting a young innocent girl. You are not fit to be a teacher! “

Diane smile only served to make her more angry. She got into her car a slammed the door.
“Rachael! For the last time are you coming home?”

”No.”

”Just wait, Miss Dietz! I am not without influence with the School Governors, you know!”
Then: “You .....!” She was too angry to speak, and drove away.

“I’m very sorry,” Rachael said when she and Diane were safely in the house.

“Don’t worry,” smiled Diane. “It will be all right, I’m sure. Come on, we’ll get changed.”

”But she said you’d get the sack.”

”I’d resign first.”

“But you can’t. You haven’t done anything!”

“That’s not what other people will think.”

”I don’t really care what they think. You can’t resign. I won’t let you. I’d go back home first.”

”It probably won’t come to anything. Just a little storm in a big teacup.”

”You don’t know my mother! She won’t give up. It’s not fair!”

“Would you like a shower or a bath?”

“If I wasn’t your pupil there is nothing anyone could do, it there?”
“But you are and there is.”

”But if I left school…”

“But you can’t.”

”Why not? You yourself said I could. Anyway, I can and I’m going to!”

“But Rachael – “

“I’ll get a scholarship to the Royal College of Music!”

“I couldn’t let you do that.”

“Unless I wanted to.”

”Rachael – “

Very quietly, Rachael said, “I don’t want to leave you. You must realize I love you.”

The Beethoven, the playfulness by the stream, Rachael’s mother, Rachael’s offer and her
pleasing words, were too much for Diane and she turned away.

“I – “ began Rachael. “I’m sorry if I’ve – if I have offended you. I thought – “

Diane did not look at her. “You haven’t.”

Rachael’s voice was tearful. “I assumed we –“ nervously she smiled. “Perhaps I ought to go
home.”

The battle was hopelessly lost, for Diane could not bear to inflict upon Rachael more agony.
She turned to see Rachael’s face contorted between anticipation and terror of rejection, and her
embrace of Rachael relieved her of suppressed emotion as much as it made Rachael happy.

For several minutes they stood in each other’s arms, swaying slightly while sun leaked to them
from the window in the hall.
“I don’t want you to go: I don’t want you to go.” Diane said. Then: “I really think we should
get changed.”

They parted, but held hands. “What shall I wear?” Rachael asked, looking at her sodden dress.

“I have a few clothes which might fit. You’re a bit larger than me, though.”

Rachael looked down at her breasts and giggled. “I meant what I said you know. About
leaving school.”

”It probably won’t be necessary.”

”But if it is – I will do it.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yes I do. I want to. Because I want to stay with you, Diane. Always.”

Diane held Rachael’s hand tighter. She felt a great love inside her and the sadness of losing
Leonie had been immeasurable reduced. But she was afraid.

“You can stay here as long as you wish,” she said, “whatever happens.”

Several strands of Rachael’s dark hair were stuck by sweat to her forehead and Diane brushed
them tenderly aside before Rachael kissed her fingers.

“I shall buy you a piano!” she said, blushing and embarrassed.

“And I shall play for you in the evening when we are alone.”

”When will you collect your belongings?”

Rachael shrugged. “Today, tomorrow, I don’t care.”

”Fine. Now will you change your clothes?” she said jovially.

“I’m just going, Miss” replied Rachael sarcastically. “Please don’t beat me!” She laughed and
ran into the bathroom.

She was sitting among the perfumed foam when Diane entered bearing clothes.

“Diane,” she began with an enchanting smile that belied her age. “Will you bath me?”

Diane was trembling, but she laid the clothes aside long enough to kneel beside the bath and
kiss Rachael lightly on the cheek. On the roof of the house, several jackdaws fought.

XIV

The invitation, or rather command, had not been long in coming upon Diane’s arrival at
school, and she sat in Thomas’s office while he studied some notes on his desk. Outside
children played beneath a branding sun.

“Now, Diane,” he smiled, neatly folding his spectacles before wiping his brow of sweat. “Mrs.
Paulding, as you may know, has, er, been in contact with me regarding her daughter, Rachael.”

”I thought she might.”

”It seems, from what she had told me, that Rachael is staying with you against her parent’s
wishes. Is that so?”

”Yes.”

”Diane – I will be honest with you. I am in a difficult, not to mention delicate situation, as I am
sure you appreciate. On one side, there is Mrs. Paulding; on the other, you. Mrs. Paulding has,
shall we say, made some serious allegations.”

”About me and Rachael, I presume.”

”I’m afraid so. And since Rachael is a pupil – “

”She isn’t.”

”Pardon?”

”She isn’t a pupil anymore. She had decided to leave school.”

”Do her parents know of this?”

”She telephoned them this morning.”

”I see.” He fumbled with some notes on his desk. “Is that Rachael’s own decision?”

”Yes. Nothing I could do to dissuade her.”

”But is she, er, staying with you?”

Without rancor, Diane said, “I know what you are implying. But it is not like that at all. She is
simply staying with me because she has left home and has nowhere else to go – at the
moment.”

”I would like to believe – “

”But you know that I am a lesbian.”

”No! No! Good heavens! I didn’t mean to imply – “

”That I am corrupting Rachael?”

”Diane,” he smiled kindly at her. “I know you well enough after – what is it? Six years? – to
know that you are a very professional teacher.”

”I’m prepared to resign,” she said slowly and mutely.

“Come now! I won’t hear of it!”

“But – “

”We can sort this out, between the two of us.”

”But the Board of School Governors – “

Thomas smiled – a strange smile, mixing benevolence with occult knowledge. “I am sure I can
come to some arrangement. With Mrs. Paulding. No need to involve anyone else. Would it be
possible for me to speak with Rachael?”

“Of course. Do you want her to come here?”

Thomas pondered. “No. It would perhaps be best away from school.”

”Mr. Thomas?” asked Diane shyly.

“Hmm?”

”Can I ask you a personal question?”

”You mean why am I, as Headmaster of a vast and sometimes incomprehensible

Comprehensive school, going to such trouble for you?”

”Well, yes.”

”It is simple really.” He smiled his strange smile. “You are a good teacher. But perhaps most
of all – the pupils like you. Strange that, are rare, believe me. But – “

“But?”

”I realize that you are undergoing a difficult period in your life – what with you marriage and
everything – but you should perhaps be more, shall we say, discreet?”

“And not become involved with pupils?”

“Precisely.”

”I never have before and never intend to again.”

”Good. I can help this time. There will not be another, believe me. The last thing we as a
school need is another scandal,” he said abstractly. One was enough.

A year ago, one of the male teachers had had an affair with a female student. When it became
known, he had left in haste, leaving the girl and her baby, to find employment in a large city in
America, a suitable place many agreed.

“No,” said Thomas, shaking his head, “Not another scandal.” He thought for a moment. “It
may be necessary for Rachael to leave. Would she have obtained her ‘A’ levels?”

”Definitely! Good grades, probably.”

”I will talk with her tonight – “ His telephone rang.

“Mr. Thomas speaking… Hello Rosalind! I’ve just heard.” He covered the mouthpiece with
his hand and said to Diane, “I’ll call after school.”

”Fine!” She smiled at him to find Watts lurking outside the door.

“I’ve heard,” he said perfunctorily.

“How?” Diane was surprised.

Watts tapped his nose with his forefinger. “Shall I just say a middle aged witch told me.”

Diane watched him suspiciously. “What have you been up to now?”

“Come to dinner tonight and I’ll explain everything.”

”I can’t. Mr. Thomas is coming to see Rachael.”

”Lunch then?”

Diane was intrigued and said, “Yes.”

The morning passed painfully slow for Diane. She expected her classes to be interrupted by
Mr. Thomas who would ask for an urgent meeting. Or Mrs. Paulding would rush in, pointing
the accusing finger and shout, “you lesbian! Corrupting my daughter!”

Yet, because she was an accomplished teacher, and she actually cared for the children she
taught more than she cared about the teaching staff or what they thought or said, she was able
to teach as if nothing had happened, as if it was another Monday morning like any other –
except the last week of term and exceptionally hot. Only one blemish marked her morning.

As she walked to meet Watts by the double glass doors that fronted the school and overlooked
the car park and Windmill Hill and near where school buses thronged at the beginning and
ending of the day, Bryan accosted her.

“Miss,” he asked, “is it true that Rachael has left?”

She looked at him, amazed. “News travels fast, I see.”

“Her parents told me.”

”When?”

”I saw them at break.”

”Here?”

”Sure! Going into the Crater – I mean Mr. Thomas’ room.”

”Oh, I see. She might be leaving. I really don’t know yet.”

”Probably the best thing that could happen.”

”What?”

”Her leaving. I mean, like getting a scholarship in music.”

”Bryan – “

”Sorry Miss,” he smirked, “got to dash!” He ran to join the throng of children bound for the
refectory.

Watts was waiting by his new car and she allowed him to close the door as he seated himself.

“And where,” he asked, touching his forelock, “would Madam like to be driven today?”

She waved her hand imperiously, “That way, my man.”

”Very good, Madam!” he saluted.

He took them through the town, along a few twisty lanes all neatly hedged, to an isolated
country Inn. A few cars were beside the lofty Oak outside and in the cool if dim and
modernized interior they sat with their drinks.

“Well?” she asked before drinking most of her cider.

“Eh?” groaned Watts obtusely.

“Any idea why Leonie did not come in this morning?”

“No.” He drank his pint of ale in a few gulps, burped and said, “It’s me charm which get ‘em!
You any idea?”

”About Leonie? No, she wasn’t in when I telephoned this morning.”

“With the bastard Apthone, no doubt.”

”Probably.” She finished her cider.

“Like another?”

”Not for me. I can’t teach well if I have too much to drink.”

”Huh! I can’t teach without too much!” He loped to the bar taking almost half of its width, and
returned with a mug of dark brew and plate of sandwiches.

Diane snatched most of the sandwiches from the plate. “You were going to tell me about Mr.
Thomas.”

”Was I now? Did you see Morgan this fine morning?”

“No. She kept out of my way.”

”Not surprising really,”

”Mr. Thomas?”

”Nay, lass, me name be Watts. ‘Thumper’ for them as ‘have a care.”

She clutched his mug. “Are you going to tell me or do I shampoo your hair?”

Watts chuckled, rather loudly. “Not the dreaded beer over the hair ploy! All right, I give in, I’ll
tell you.” He squinted at her. “There was gossip a few years back about him and Rachael’s
mother.”
Diane was astonished. “Really? I never heard about it.”

”Yep. ‘cause,” he smiled, “it might not be true.”

”And?”

”You know me! I went to him and said, nudge, nudge, wink, wink – “

“You’re showing your age now.”

He ignored the remark. “I said to him, straight like, ‘Create quite a scandal, a story like that.
And you a Headmaster.’ And he said, “well I’ll know whom to thank’ and gave me a straight
look.” He waited for the accolade. There was no response, so he said, “I think he got the
message.”

He finished his beer. “You’ll be all right.”

Diane understood only too well. Outside, the sun shone bright and hot while a lark sang above
a field. On the road a car passed while sunlight glinted upon glass.

Diane sighed. “You really shouldn’t have.”

Watts shrugged. “What the hell? I did it because you’re a friend, not because of what you are
thinking.”

”Was there any truth in the rumour?”

“About the boss and Rosalind?”

”Yes.”

He smirked again. “Who can say?”

”You can I am sure.”

”Just between you and me and the rest of the staff, of course, there was a lot of truth in it.”

”How do you know?”

”Shall we get back?”

”If you like.”

”I’ve something to give you when we get back to school.”

”What?”

”Wait and see.”

They returned through the Shropshire landscape in silence. Watts occupied, as well he might
be, with his maniacal driving, Diane with her sombre thoughts. Two children were fighting by
the main door when they returned but when Diane instinctively went toward them Watts held
her back. He handed her a small neatly wrapped package.

“Open it when I’m gone,” he said and strode off to lift the two boys with bloody noses straight
into the air and carry them bodily into the foyer.

Inside the package, wrapped in a small, embroidered silk purse, was a sapphire engagement
ring.

XV

Diane had spent the afternoon trying to avoid Watts, and she was glad when school finished.
Unusually, she felt no desire to retire to the relative peace of the staff room, as was her habit,
to drink coffee, talk a little or mark some of the children’s exercise books from the inevitable
pile that had collected during the day. Instead, she hurried in the tropical humidity toward her
car while school buses siphoned the children away.

The sameness of her journey make it uneventful, but she stopped by the side of the road near
the rocky outcrop of Hope Bowdler Hill before the Greenock road cut its way down to the
Stretton valley. Clouds gathered to obscure a little of the Stretton valley and she could smell
ozone among the wind-borne smells of summer.
Slowly, she began to realize that little that was real or natural bound her to the land on which
she lived, still less to the surroundings of her school. She and her fellow teachers formed a
cabal – a sort of sub-community within the boundaries of Greenock, Shrewsbury and Stretton.
Most of her own friends were teachers from the school, and almost all of her social life
involved them, the parents or school events. She, and the others like her, had little contact with
the community from which the children came. She did not live among her pupils, and indeed
the school was too large for her to know all of them personally, as she wished. The school day
ended, and she was gone, shut up in her house or with her friends while her children carried on
their lives, in a little sub-society all their own. Children came to her eleven years old and she
taught them, watched them, and worried about them for five, six, and soon seven years. And
then they left. Sometimes a little card, or a meeting by chance. But they were gone; lost to her
world of village, town and school. The thought made her sad, but she knew no solutions and,
under the gathering gloom, drove slowly home.

Rachael was waiting, her hair plaited, her body clothed in a bright cotton dress, and as soon as
Diane opened the door, Rachael embraced her.

“Mr. Thomas is coming,” Diane said.

“I know. My mother telephoned.” She took Diane’s handbag. “Come and sit down. I’ve made
some coffee.”

”That’s kind of you. Have you changed your mind?”

”About what?”

“School, of course.”

”No.” She brought coffee and demurely offered Diane a piece of cake. “Hope you like it.”

Diane held the cake suspiciously, then thought better about making the joke. “Hmm,” she said
truthfully, “it is delicious! You are lovely!”

“I suppose,” said Rachael sullenly, holding her head in her hands as she sat next to Diane on
the sofa, “Mr. Thomas will try and persuade me.”

”Probably.”
”My mother wasn’t angry, you know.”

”Oh?”

”Yes. Quite calm about it all. Strange, really.”

”I suppose she’s realized that you are a young woman, not her little girl.”

”Your husband called this afternoon. Seemed surprised to find me here.”

Diane smiled. “Good!”

“He left his door keys.”

”Did he say what he wanted?”

”Just some wheels – for his bicycle I think.”

“That fits! Did he say anything else?””

”Don’t think so. Oh yes, he left you a note.”

With supine agility that Diane admired, Rachael leapt from the sofa and extracted the letter
from the mantelpiece.

‘Diane,’ it read. ‘I will call tomorrow to collect the rest of my belongings. Sorry things did not
work out and thanks for your kind letter.’

Diane screwed the letter up and threw it toward the empty fireplace. She missed and Rachael
had moved to retrieve it when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll go!” said Rachael excitedly.

“Rachael!” Diane heard Thomas say, “how nice to see you!”

“It’s Mr. Thomas,” said Rachael unnecessarily, as she let him into the room.
“Well now, Rachael,” he said as he sat down. “You know why I have come to see you?”

“Yes.”

”And you are still of the opinion that you want to leave?”

“Yes.”

Diane stood up. “Would you like some coffee?”

”I’ll be in the kitchen,” Diane said.

“Diane,” said Thomas, “there is no need for you to leave, I assure you.”

”Mr. Thomas,” Rachael said.

“Yes Rachael?”

“I’m not going back.”

”But why? You have your ‘A’ levels next year.”

”I don’t want to.” She looked at Diane. “Besides, I can’t live with Diane – Mrs. Dietz - if I’m
at school, can I?”

”Well,” muttered Thomas, “it would be highly unusual.”

”I’m not ashamed to say that being here is more important to me than going to school or taking
examinations.”

”I see.” He looked owlishly at Diane before smiling at Rachael. “And what will you do? For a
career, I mean?”

”I haven’t decided yet. I may not need one. But I could try for an RCM scholarship. In the
meantime, I thought I would study privately, and still take my exams.”

”I see.” He smiled benevolently. “You seem to have thought everything out.”

”Yes, I have.”

”Well, you could not have a better tutor!”

“Has my mother spoken to you?”

”Naturally.” He stared at the carpet and shuffled his feet. “She realizes that you are old enough
to make you own decisions about your future. She would still like you to go home, of course.”

“There’s no chance of that.”

“No, that’s what I thought. Well, I’d best be on my way.” He stood up and shook Rachael’s
hand. “I wish you well for the future. You are in good hands.”

Rachael blushed. “Thanks.”

“I’ll show you out,” said Diane.

At the door, Thomas said, “I’m well satisfied. I do not anticipate any problems – with the
school, at least. Diane,” he whispered, “it may not be any of my business, but she is very
young.”

”Does she look happy to you?”

”Well, yes. Very much so, in fact.”

”You have answered your own unasked question then.”

Thomas appeared a little embarrassed. “Well, goodbye then. See you tomorrow, as usual!” he
said cheerfully.

“Yes.” She watched him walk to his car before closing the door.

“I’m glad that’s over!” said Rachael.

“So am I!”

“I was trembling all over.”

”Honestly? I thought you were very self-possessed.”

Rachael laughed. “I feel really free! And happy!” She danced around the room shouting “I’m
happy! I’m free!”

“Fancy a walk?”

Rachael stopped, stared out of the window and scowled. “It’s going to pour!”

“I’m game if you are. I am not afraid of the rain, even if you are,” said Diane playfully.

“Where do you want to go then?”

”Top of the Mynd?”

”Suits me. It will be nice and windy up there!”

They decided against the car and walked into the town along the High Street to take the road to
the Burway. By the cattle grid that stopped the spread of detached houses and signified the
beginning of the moorland, they left along a track to follow the path by the stream in
Townbrook valley. The hills rose steeply on either side, fledged in green and sheep while the
sky above grew darker and distant thunder rolled.

The thunder alarmed Rachael a little, and she threaded her fingers into Diane’s as they passed
almost four hundred feet below Devil’s Mouth, its scree and frost broken boulders scattering
the hill. The upward path of cracked, bare and brown earth led them past the growing ferns
toward the greenish-gray siltstones of the Long Synalds heights.

It was an isolated spot, well known to Diane, and overlooked the small, spreading valleys that
fed the stream in Ashes Hollow. Behind them, the hill rose steadily until it became the levelled
plateau of Mynd top.

Thunder violet threatened them above as lightning forked, striking higher ground. Almost
instantaneously the clap of thundering air, which shook them as they huddled close to the
ground. The Mynd seemed to vibrate in response as Rachael screamed amid the large drops of
rain. Another flash, nearer, as rain and thunder battered them and ozone seared the sky. The
darkness of rain and closing cloud was ominous.

But Diane was a dark goddess; imbued with the storm’s power and she laughed and beat her
fists into the soaking earth. The storm was her storm and would not – could not – harm them.
Its power was hers, but she let it break itself over the town and hills beyond. Then, both she
and Rachael were laughing – a strange laugh, redolent of Dionysus, perhaps, or an ancient
witches’ meet. Rain soaked them, but they did not care. They alone were alive in a world of
the dead.

Slowly, their demonic life-enhancing ecstasy ebbed with the passing of the storm, and they
were left to find their way down the hill while their bodies tingled and their sense of reality
returned.

“You realize,” Rachael said as they trod the street into the town, “we are bound together now.
Beyond even our own death.”

It was not a strange thing to say, and it did not sound strange to Diane. Somewhere, alone their
walk into the storm they had crossed into another world.

“I know,” she replied. The bonds that had bound her to Leonie were broken and her own fear
of becoming deeply involved with Rachael had vanished, as the lightning had vanished,
sending only a distant thunder while they walked.

They were both removing their sodden clothes when Diane’s doorbell rang. It was Leonie, and
Diane, in her dressing gown, stared at her with a mixture of welcome and annoyance.

“Leonie,” she finally said, “come in.”

Hurriedly, Rachael wrapped a towel around her body.

Leonie stared at Diane for a second, and then said, “I can’t stay long. The children are in the
car. Hello Rachael.”

“Hello Miss,” said Rachael shyly and locked herself in the bathroom.
“I just came to tell you,” said Leonie sadly, “that Richard asked me to marry him – and I said I
might. Only – “

”Only?”

”I thought we – “ she hesitated, then added, “but I see I was wrong.”

Diane held her arm. “Leonie. You know I didn’t want you to become involved with Apthone
again.”

“He needs me,” she said gently.

“For God’s sake! No he doesn’t! Not in the way you believe. He’s just using you – again!”

“That’s unkind of you.” She shook Diane’s hand off her arm.

“No it’s not.”

”You have never liked him, have you?”

”No!”

“I thought we understood one another.”

”We can’t – with Apthone in the way.”

”I will probably marry him. He’s very kind and gentle.”

Suddenly Diane was angry. “Look!” she pointed to the wall of her hall. “See those stains? Do
you know whose blood it is? Well, I’ll tell you! It’s your bloody, beloved Apthone! You know
the night of his accident?” she was re-living the terror and the words would not be silenced.
“He came here, your precious and gentle Richard, and tried to rape me!”

Leonie stepped backwards, holding her hands to her face. “It’s not true!” she said weakly. “I
don’t believe you.”

Diane shook her head. The anger and terror and repressed guilt had gone and softly she said, “I
really don’t care if you believe me or not.”

“You only said it because you hate him,” pleaded Leonie, half to herself.

“Leonie – I didn’t …”

Leonie was crying. “I don’t want to talk to you,” she said and ran out of the room.

Diane was about to follow when she heard Rachael behind her.

“Diane, I couldn’t help overhearing.”

Leonie had driving away and Diane closed the door.

“It was true, wasn’t it?” asked Rachael, “what you said.”

Diane nodded and began to cry. “I shouldn’t have told her I know. But I was so angry.”

Rachael came to her and held her hand. “I hope I didn’t embarrass you.”

Diane stopped crying. “Embarrass me?”

”By being here – with no clothes on.”

Diane was moved by Rachael’s gentle innocence and embraced her. “Rachael, my darling,
nothing you could do, would embarrass me.”

”I can think of something,” she said with a modest smile before loosening Diane’s dressing
gown and bending down to kiss her breast. Diane was trembling, and slowly Rachael let the
gown fall to the floor before she led Diane toward the bed.

XVI
Exceptionally, Diane did not wish to leave for school. For a long time she lay in bed, Rachael
curled up asleep beside her. She wanted to stay with Rachael, spend the day with her, for
school seemed charmless, a charade full of children in adult bodies playing indoor games.

Rachael seemed to make everything clear; there was no guile in her, only a trusting innocence
that Diane loved and wanted to cherish and protect. Last night after Rachael had broken the
barrier which Diane herself had feared to break, it had seemed, many times, that she and
Rachael were not different people. There was no question of identity, no barriers of any kind at
all and they did not have to speak to understand each other’s needs. A look, a vague smile…
And she found it difficult to believe, in the hazy light of morning, that Rachael was so young.
An instinct seem to guide Rachael and her body so that she gave to Diane a divine and
physical ecstasy such as she had never before experienced.

With Rachael, all her own insights and experiences – the path by the Severn, the Long Mynd,
the storm, even her planned revenge on Apthone – seemed to possess her again with a force all
their own, as if Rachael, just by loving so selflessly, transformed those insights into reality and
suddenly it occurred to Diane that she had never been in love before. Always, with her
husband, with Leonie, a part of her had been detached and critical just as a part had not
surrendered for fear of being hurt. But with Rachael, everything was easy and natural and she
wanted to find some form, some suitable expression, with which to represent her love. She
wanted to hold Rachael in her arms, cry and laugh at the same time and tell her that she loved
her as she had never loved anyone before.

Through and because of Rachael, she possessed everything she had even dreamt about, and
beside this young and beautiful woman, men seemed a pale, distorted flicker. Rachael fulfilled
the deepest longings Diane had ever nurtured.

She kissed her, softly, before stretching and leaving the room to dress. On the kitchen table,
laid and make ready by Rachael the night before without Diane’s knowledge, she found,
propped up on a vase containing a single white rose, a note. ‘Diane’ it said simply in Rachael’s
italic hand, ‘I love you.’ Diane was overwhelmed, and crept back to the bedroom to steal a
look at her sleeping lover.

It was nearing eight o’clock when she was prepared. Rachael, unusually, still slept, and,
closing the kitchen door, she used the extension to make her telephone call. Calculated deceit
was alien to her and she was shaking when she dialled Fisher’s number.
“Hello? Diane here. Sorry to bother you, but just rang to say I won’t be in until after ten this
morning. Can you get someone to look in on my lower sixth group? Good…. Sorry about the
short notice but – “ she hurriedly thought of some excuse, “ – I have a dental appointment. I’d
forgotten about it!” she laughed to give credence to her lie.

Diane was still trembling when she closed the door and walked to her car. No mist blighted the
sky as no regret blighted Diane.

Shrewsbury was busy with commuter traffic and she followed the road over English Bridge,
round the Town Walls, and Quarry, along the river until she drove past the stone memorial to
Hotsper to park on a side street. For over half an hour she sat on the grass where the tall spire
of St. Margaret’s church shadowed squat buildings while the road channelled traffic down
toward Wyle Cop Hill. She enjoyed quietly watching the people rush along the pavements,
buses stop to empty and fill, cars to pass, and was almost sad when the time came for her to
leave.

She waited outside the shop on Dogpole, while heavy lorries beat upon the narrow road, until
its myopic, stooped owner opened, reluctantly, it seemed, his door.

“Can I help you Madam?” he smiled.

“I hope so!” Diane said confidently. “I want to buy the best piano you have in stock.”

The man’s eyes brightened, and he wrung his hands. “Certainly Madam! But we do not carry a
large stock.” He sighed. “All we have at the moment is this Baby Grand.” He patted it gently.
“Would you like to try it? It has lovely tone. Actually, I’m very fond of it myself, but get so
little time to practice, these days.”

“I’ll take it.”

The man raised his eyebrows. “I could play a little, if you wish.”

”No, really, it looks perfect. When can you deliver?”

He scratched his nose. “Toward the end of the week?”

”How about today? I don’t care what it costs.”

”Of course, Madam. If you are sure.”

Quickly, she wrote out the cheque and handed it to the man.

“But Madam – “ he protested when he looked.

“I’ll leave you to fill out the amount. You can send the bill. You’ll want the address, of
course.”

”Yes, Madam.”

She wrote it on the back of her cheque. The man stared at the check, then at her. “A present!”
she said.”

“Yes, of course, Madam. We do provide free tuning for a year. I myself – “

“Splendid! What time will you deliver?”

”What time would be most convenient?”

”Four this afternoon.”

”I am sure that can be arranged.”

”Splendid…and,” she added, “I assure you the cheque will not bounce. You can telephone my
bank, if you wish. Or I can go to the bank now and withdraw the amount in cash, if you prefer.”

“There is no need for that Madam, I assure you.” He scratched his nose. “If you could provide
me with a telephone number where you can be reached during the day. Only if an unforeseen
problem arises, I assure you.”

”Yes, of course.” She wrote the telephone number of the school on her cheque. “Well,
goodbye.”

“But Madam,” he protested as she made for the door, “don’t you want to know how much it
will cost?”

”Not really,” she smiled and left.

She was trembling as she walked toward the High Street. Soon, she had arranged the transfer
of all her savings. Wistfully she knew it might not be enough, but did not care. It was
irrelevant compared to Rachael’s happiness and she smiled as she tramped along the streets to
her car, singing softly to herself.

On her return to school she found Watts and Morgan in the staff room alone. But they could
not spoil her bliss and she walked toward Morgan while Watts eyed her hopefully from his
corner.

“Well,” she said jovially to Morgan, “I hope you take care of him.”

”I was a bit worried – “

”About me? Don’t be! As long as you are both happy, what’s the problem?”

“I thought – “

“Do you love him?”

Morgan gave a little smile. “I think so.”

”Has he mentioned marriage?”

”Yes. But I’m not sure. It’s too soon.”

Diane touched her on the arm. “Take your time and learn to be happy. Are you interested in
cycling?”

”Only a little.”

”Well, there’s hope then.”

”Diane, why are you being so – so nice?”

Diane laughed. “Simple! Because it makes people happy. It is really easy to be happy.”

Morgan shook her head. “I don’t understand you.”

”Nothing to understand, really,” Diane quipped before turning towards Watts.

He grinned at her. “Did you like it?”

She sat down beside him. “Yes. But look, Alex, I don’t want to hurt you – “

”But you are going to anyway.”

She shrugged. Morgan was making some exercise books, but Diane still whispered. “You
know what I am.”

”Part of you perhaps.”

”No, Alex. All of me. I care for you, very much, but I could never become involved as you
wish.”

“I’ve loved you for years. Since the first day I met you.”

”Please,” she sighed, “I’m living with Rachael.”

”Temporarily, I assumed.”

”No, permanently. You might not understand, but we love each other.”

”What! You and Rachael? She is only a child!”

“I don’t want to talk about it any more.”

”I won’t give up,” he insisted.

She removed his ring from her handbag. When she held it out, he pushed her hand away.

“You keep it.”

”I can’t.”

”Yes you can. Why do you think I have never married?”

”Please,” she pleaded. Then: “But I thought you loved Leonie?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. But only because she reminded me of you.”

”Why don’t you fight for her?”

“Maybe.” He stood up. “You keep the ring.” Then without rancour, but with his lopsided
smile, he said, “give it to Rachael.”

Before she could reply he had walked away and out of the room. Morgan was smiling at her,
but she could not have been more wrong.

XVII

The bulbous red sun was still hidden behind the height of Caer Caradoc when Diane and
Rachael began their journey. No traffic blighted the road and in the cool respite of an early
dawn the world seemed quiet and quite dead.

Diane could not afford the holiday, but she did not care. The piano had been delivered, as
promised, and Diane remembered how Rachael had laughed, then cried and enfolded her in
kisses when she had returned, a little weary, from school. All evening she played, creating
through her music a magic spell that bound Diane and made her a prisoner of love and desire.
Then, at last, an exhausted Rachael, her body and dress drenched in sweat, had held her hand
and said, “Now I want to give you something special.” Her body still ached, a little, from the
passion of Rachael’s love.

The hours brought the heat and the traffic and both were relieved to leave the car when they
arrived at the Yorkshire hamlet of Gilling. To the north, less than a mile distant, were the
North Yorkshire moors while to the south, the plain of York whose fertile land had been
farmed for millennia. There was nothing unique or even interesting about the village – a few
stone build houses gather around a dip in the road from Helmsley to York – but for Diane it
was special. Not simply because a mile away to the northwest lay the imposing while stone
buildings of Ampleforth Abbey with its community of Benedictine monks, but also because of
the surrounding lakes and forest, once part of the wealthy Fairfax estate and now managed by
the monastery. For her, discovered by chance while at University, it was a place where she
could relax, untroubled by crowds of people, and where, after a walk in the forest, she could sit
in the monastic choir with its carved oak stalls, and listen to the beauty of Gregorian chant. But
perhaps the most fitting of all, she could swim privately in the icy coldness of the lakes.
The cottage guesthouse was Spartan, but clean, and they unpacked hastily in their shared room
before briskly walking along the narrow track to the lakes. On one side, the forest, on the
other, grazing fields, the monastery and its enclosing large Public School.

“It seems very peaceful,” Rachael said, stroking her amber necklace.

“Is it – even during term time when the boys are here.”

”A shame about the trees.”

”Sorry?”

”The trees.” Behind the roadside deciduous fringe, a conifer plantation grew. “Shame it is so
dead within.”

”By the lake – “

“It is different!” said Rachael confidently.

“Yes.”

”I bet it has a dark history.”

”I wouldn’t know.”

”Up there, on the hill, where the broken tree grows.”

They walked in silence to the lake. It was a small lake, girdled with trees and reed and a rotten
jetty pointed like a broken finger toward its heart. But there was silence and a pale blue sky
while water rippled, slowly.

They undressed and swam naked, racing each other to and from the jetty to where a small
rusty buoy was anchored, until tired with the effort and by the cold of the water, their laughter
and the long journey, they lay on the mossy bank to dry beneath the summer sun.

“If we hurry,” Diane said as Rachael stretched herself like a cat, “we might be in time for
Vespers.”
Dressed, but not dry, they walked the mile or so to the monastery through the large expanse of
rugby fields until, in the slanting shadows, they stood below the church while crows flocked
noisily above the stone.

“Come on!” chided Diane as she climbed the steps to the church.

Rachael shook her head. “I’d rather not go in.”

”Why ever not?”

”I’m afraid places like this give me the creeps – always have done.” She shivered.

“You should have said! I’d never have dragged you all this way.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

”Anyway,” smiled Diane, “it doesn’t matter and I’m hungry.”

Arm-in-arm, they returned to their lodging.

The next day began the pattern which they were to follow for the remainder of their stay. They
would rise late from their bed and after a large breakfast walk among the forest and hills, often
silent, but sometimes sharing through their words their private thoughts and dreams, fascinated
as new lovers are by each other. They talked, played, walked or sat, touching, sharing every
experience: the damp feel of rotting wood, the dew of the grass, the joy of watching a deer, the
naming of wild flowers. Their afternoon was spent swimming and lying in the tessellated
lakeside sun while the earth moved imperceptibly toward dark. It was sufficient for them to be
together, close enough to touch, and it did not occur to either that such exclusive closeness
might restrict. In the evening, they would lock their bedroom door and exhaust themselves
with love. Not once did they visit the Abbey, and the days with their sameness soon passed,
bringing to both security and great joy. Rachael, with her sometimes sombre thoughts, bound
herself physically, emotionally and mentally to Diane. Diane was everything to her: lover,
sister, husband and wife. The labels, and the roles of the world, which they hid, were
meaningless for them, and it never occurred to either of them that there was anything unnatural
about their relationship. No barriers, reminded and no guilt bound them just as no thought
restricted.
They would dress to please each other, perfume their bodies richly, and sometimes, soak into
the pores of their body the heady scent of forest or lakeside earth. The earth, with its canopy of
trees spread full for summer, the reedy depths of the lake, the sun and scarce breeze, even the
moon of morning, served them, offering gifts, nurturing the divine. No music sufficed for their
feelings, no words could represent their joy.

Once, when the sun made long shadows by the road and dust dried their mouths, they had left
in their car for an Inn. It was an old Inn, gabled and small, and they sat in the corner, cleanly
dressed but scented of earth, their faces blushed and burned by both sun and lake water, while
tourist men fresh from tourist cars stared and local men surmised.

They had allowed themselves to be brought drinks, a meal they did not need, while the two
vultures in perfumed shirts that had sought them out preened and fed their minds with glee at
the promise of the night. Under the table, Diane caressed Rachael’s leg with her foot.

“Well,” she said finally, “we’d better go.”

A vulture grinned. “Shall we drive you home? I have my Mercedes outside..”

Rachael, Diane knew, understood, and wickedly she said, “Well, we are staying at the Grange
– The Abbey guest house.” She told the lie well.

“Yes,” a leering face said, its moustache twitching, “I know it.”

”If,” whispered Diane, “you want to see us, come after eleven tonight. We’ll leave the doors
open. I’m in number 17, second floor.”

“And I,” smiled Rachael, “am in 19.”

Outside, in the privacy of their car, Rachael said, “That was very naughty of you!”

“Awful wasn’t it?”

”But I enjoyed it.”

”So did I!”

“Did you see their faces when you gave them your room number?
“Yes! I thought they were going to wet themselves.”

They laughed, and waved at the two men dallying between the Inn and a Mercedes car before
driving away, pleased and satisfied with their ploy.

It had been the happiest week of both their lives, and both were sombre when the morning of
their departure arrived. “We must never part!” Rachael had said and clung to Diane before the
long and tedious journey that returned them to their home. It was significant, both felt, that on
their return cloud came, bringing a steady drizzle of rain.

On the floor of their hall, scattered by the letterbox, three handwritten notes lay, but Diane had
time only to retrieve one of them before the telephone rang.

“Hello,” Rachael said. Then, sadly, “It’s Leonie - for you.”

“Hello, Leonie, Diane.” She held Rachael’s hand while she talked. “Yes, we’re back. What?
When? … I see. Yes, of course, I’ll come.”

Rachael was looking at her expectantly. “It’s Apthone,” Diane said, “he’s dead.”

In the dim light of late evening, Diane was certain she saw Rachael smile.

XVIII

“I would like you to come,” said Diane. “Very much.”

”I – I don’t know,” replied Rachael shyly. “I might be in the way.”

”You,” Diane said kissing her, “could never be in the way as far as I am concerned.”

Rachael smiled. “I was a little jealous when she telephoned.”

”No one is more important to me than you.”

”I know really. I just like to hear you say it, that’s all.”

They departed immediately and it was dark and still raining when they arrived to find Leonie
and her house in a state of confusion.

“Children are in bed,” she said her face drawn. Nervously, she bit her nails, “Diane, I am so
glad you came!”

Leonie moved forward, but Diane stepped back. “I brought Rachael with me – I hope you
don’t mind.”

”No. I wondered if you would.” Her voice trembled. “Come in, both of you.”

Diane sat on the edge of the sofa while Rachael stood in a shadowed corner of the room
fingering her amber necklace.

“When did he die?” Diane asked.

“The day before yesterday. It was awful!” She sobbed a little, then smiled.

“Has no one been to see you since?”

”Yes.” She lit a cigarette and blew the smoke away. “Alex. He was with me just before
Richard….”

”Has anyone seen to the funeral arrangements?”

”I don’t know.” Leonie tried to control her shaking hands, and partially succeeded. “Alex
mentioned something.”

”Is there anything I can do?”

Leonie smiles. “It is nice you just being here.”

”Perhaps it was all for the best.”

”Don’t say that Diane!” Leonie started crying.

The memory of their love returned to Diane, but she ignored her feelings and, in atonement,
handed Leonie her handkerchief.

“Thanks.” Then, to Rachael, “You must think me silly.”

Rachael came forward and to Diane’s astonishment kissed Leonie on the cheek.

“No, I don’t” she said. She astonished Diane even more when she said, “Do you want us to
stay here – for the night, I mean?”

“No,” smiled Leonie, holding Rachael’s hand. “That’s very kind, but I’ll be all right. Alex –
Mr. Watts – said he’s calling round later to see how I am.” She returned the handkerchief
before saying, “Would you like something to drink?”

Rachael and Diane looked at each other. Diane said, “No, not for me.”

”Rachael?”

“No, thanks. We had something on the way down.

“Of course,” said Leonie, “You’ve just got back, haven’t you?”

”Yes.” It was Diane who answered but Rachael who yawned.

The ringing chimes of the doorbell startled Leonie. “I’ll go!” offered Rachael.

Watts blocked the doorframe and smiled broadly. “Rachael!” he said loudly, “You look more
beautiful every time I see you.”

Rachael curled her lip, but he did not wait for her reply.

“Well!” he boomed, rubbing his hands together and shaking rain from his hair, “I see we’re all
gathered for the wake!”
Diane stood up and smiled politely at Watts. “We are just going.”

“Had a good holiday, then?” he asked.

“Yes,” said Diane, staring at him, “very good.”

“Splendid!” He turned to Rachael who was standing by the door. With her raven hair slightly
wet from the rain, her black dress and amber necklace, she might have been a wise woman of
the Old Religion.

“I see,” Watts said to her, “you’re not wearing the ring Diane bought for you.”

Rachael looked at Diane quizzically. “It was a surprise!” she said quickly, “and now the oaf’s
spoiled it!”

“Sorry,” he said without conviction.

“We’d best be going,” Diane said.

“I hope both of you sleep well,” Watts said sarcastically.

Diane ignored him. “I’ll telephone,” she said to Leonie. “In the morning to see how you are.”

“That would be kind.” Leonie smiled weakly and went with them to the door. “It was good of
you to come. I only wish you’d been here before.”

”Take care, won’t you?” Diane said.

“I’ll try.”

They stared at each other for a moment until Diane turned and walked into the rain.

“I hope,” she said to Rachael as they walked to the car, “he didn’t offend you by his remarks.”
”No,” laughed Rachael as Leonie closed the door, “he didn’t. I don’t care what he or anyone
else says. He can call me names as far as I care.”

Diane held the car door for her. “We might get more of the same in the future.”

”So what?” When Diane had started the engine, she added, “I love you. That’s all that matters
to me. If the whole world was against us, I wouldn’t care.”

“Rachael, you continue to amaze me!”

“Why, because I am so mature?”

“Well, yes.”

”I had to grow up quickly when I was younger. My mother – “ she began. “But it doesn’t
matter.” Then she began to quote some verse:

“We don’t love like flowers, with only a single

Season behind us; immemorial sap

Mounts in our arms when we love.’

She smiled innocently. “There’s a lot more, but I won’t bore you with it.”

”It was beautiful,” said Diane sincerely.

“It was Rilke.”

“Really? I see I’ll have to read him.”

”He’s one of my favourite poets.

”You must read me some.”

”I’d love to.”

”I suppose you can read it in the original German as well?”

”Of course!” smiled Rachael.

Blissful, they returned to their home. The rain ceased with their arrival and in the subdued
light in the now cramped sitting room of their bungalow, Rachael sat at her piano to transform
herself and the night. Diane listened and watched, entranced. Rachael’s playing created a new
world and a new woman, and Diane watched this strange woman of dark secrets create from
the instrument of wood, steel and tone a universe of beauty, ecstasy and light. Bach,
Beethoven – it made no difference what or for how long she played. But, as it always had
since that night, Beethoven’s Opus 111 fascinated her with feelings, visions, and stupendous,
world- creating thought. It imbued her with insight, and a love that wanted to envelope
Rachael and consume her. It was pleasure and pain to watch Rachael transform herself through
the act of her playing into a goddess she would die for. No reason touched her while she
listened. There was, she knew, no greater life than this, no greater feeling and she wanted to
immolate herself with Rachael’s ecstasy, immolate world upon world with this glory and
passion which no male god described.

Then the silence, while clamoured notes faded and dimmed light framed. There were no more
tears Diane could cry and she waited while Rachael slowly rose and offered her hand. She –
the goddess within – was smiling and Diane allowed herself to be led.

The music in her head, the memories and secret dreams of youth: all were before her,
embodied in flesh and she had only to kiss the slightly scented lips or see the secret wisdom
hidden in the eyes to reach the summit of her life, slowly, in the dim corners of the bedroom’s
reflected dark.

IXX

The journey was lonely and more terrifying that she had thought or imagined it would be, and
for a moment the memory of her children’s faces held her. But her ineffable sadness remained
and Leonie Symonds in the burgeoning dawn drove the steep road to the Mynd.

Cloud fractured the sun, spreading luteous colours of stupendous beauty while light mist
lingered in the Stretton valley below. Nothing in sound challenged the engine of her car and
with shaking hands she attached her chosen instrument of death. Soon the fumes filled the
chilling air as a memory of Diane filled her heart and creeping death her lungs.

Consciousness flickered, briefly, and was gone as her mind tried to tell the body of a new
desire to live. Too late the desire and very slowly Leonie Symonds, not quite thirty-three,
slipped toward death.

The dream startled Diane and she awoke sweating while Rachael turned in her sleep. But the
light did little to ease the sense of foreboding and with trembling fingers she dialled Leonie’s
number. It was some time before the answer.

“Leonie?” her trembling voice asked.

“Eh?” said a gruff voice. A cough, then “Who is this?”

”Diane.”

”Oh, Alex here.”

”Where is Leonie?”

”She got up early. Said something about going for a walk. I just went back to sleep. Hang on.”
It seemed minutes before he returned. “She gone! There’s a note…My god! I’ll ring you back.”

No call came, and, dazed, she dressed to sit by the piano with a fresh mug of coffee. But she
could not be still and woke Rachael.

“I’m just off for a walk,” she said. “Won’t be long.”

”Shall I come?” Rachael asked, sleepy.

“No, you need your rest.”

Rachael smiled and went back to sleep.

The dawn was chilly and she wandered sadly among the spreading light, cheered a little by the
changing red around the sun. No one passed her, and she walked steadily through the town to
briefly sit upon the Burway bench overlooking Cardingmill valley and its stream. The silent
beauty of the morning calmed her, dispelling the fear and dread of her dream and she trod
happily the steep of the hill while sheep wandered to find the warmth of the sun.

At first recognition escaped her, then the reality of the car held her immobile. She ran,
shouting Leonie’s name. But she was too late with her love. The door opened to the grip of her
hand and she stood staring in shocked agony as the warm body tumbled out.

“No! No!” she screamed as, behind her, tyres slowed on gravel and scree.

Watts looked briefly at the body, turned off the engine of Leonie’s car and gently led Diane
away.

XX

The light of dusk blurred the contours in Diane’s room and Rachael watched through the
window the hills and trees soften in outline and fade with the slow silent passing of time.
Diane did not move, content to stare at her hands as she sat hunched in a chair, weakened by
guilt. She smiled, a little and briefly, when Rachael rose to gently stroke her hair, but this
interlude of life was soon gone. Outside, a few birds sang to call the moon from sleep.

Rachael began, haltingly at first, to play upon her piano but it was not long before the music
consumed her, obliterating the external world. Beethoven’s Opus 111 became again for her the
embodiment of her feelings and she played faultlessly, draining away the morose days since
Leonie’s death, forgetting Diane’s withdrawn self-absorption and her own tiredness.

She did not notice Diane standing beside her as she did not hear her lover crying in the
burgeoning dark of the room. The music was transforming Diane, each note breaking slowly
the barriers she had created within her as if the music explained all the grief and elevated her
inner suffering to a supra-personal joy. Before the music ended, the catharsis was complete,
but she waited, silently crying and when it was over she knelt down to place her head in
Rachael’s lap.
“I’m sorry,” Diane said as Rachael gently brushed the tears away, “I must have hurt you a lot
in the past few days.”

Rachael smiled. “I’m glad we are together again.”

”I will never be apart from you again.”

Tomorrow, Diane felt, she would sit at the piano and try through the medium of music to
express in composition all she had experienced: Leonie’s tragic death, her own ecstasy and
visions, the moments of dark magick when she felt herself attuned to the powers of the Earth,
the innocent joy she found in teaching. But most of all, she wanted to try and capture in some
lasting form her love for Rachael, and began to feel as Rachael began to play music by Bach,
that her life possessed meaning. She might, through her music, and way of living help in some
way others to achieve the insight that she knew Rachael had made possible for her. Even now,
she did not understand how this had happened. Was it simply because of love?

Outside her house darkness was stirring, but inside she felt herself renewed through the
brightness of personal experience and she began to feel a presentiment of meaning of
individual existence that she knew only music, for her, might explain. She rose slowly – while
Rachael seemed to measure with music the cadence of those feelings – to watch the stars
shimmer in the dark sky above.

But clouds, rushed by wind, soon came to cover the sky while, less than fifteen miles away,
Watts stood by Leonie’s grave wondering if his killing of Apthone had, after all, been in vain.

He had the impression that Rachael, the dark hereditary sorceress, was watching him. But he
knew better than to look around. Her skill was growing, as her beshrewing of Diane by music
had proved, and Diane was now forever lost to him, unable to provide the heir which he, like
Rachael herself, required. Would her heir, then, he wondered, be a Initiate and not her grand-
daughter as tradition decreed ? And would, could, Diane's music presence something of
Rachael's ancestral gods in the land, the places, they both loved? He did not know – but would
say nothing, as Rachael herself would say nothing, for there was nothing to be said which
words might describe. ‘It is not right,’ an Ancient Greek had written, ‘to give names to some
deeds.’

Somewhere, in the darkness nearby, a dog howled.

 The Greyling Owl

Order of Nine Angles

First issued: 1986 e.n.

This corrected version (v.1.03) issued 119 Year of Fayen

Introductory Note

Unlike the other MSS in The Deofel Quartet, the magickal and "Sinister" aspects, themes, and nature,
of this work are not overt, nor implicit nor obvious, and thus - exoterically - it does not appear to be a
work of Sinister, or even of Occult, fiction.

However, it does describe several works of real (and hidden) magick, in the real world, undertaken by
hidden Adepts for specific purposes.

York, 1976 e.n.

Colin Mickleman stared contentedly out of the window before refilling his large pipe. Three
mallards sat on the bank of the artificial lake that formed the aesthetic and geometric centre
of the University, and Colin rose to open the window to the warm Spring air before standing
in front of a mirror in his room.

Tall and sturdily built, his enjoyment of life’s many pleasures had left him physically
unaffected but he had begun to worry about his increasing baldness, and it was some
minutes before he completed his now routine inspection of his hair. His thirtieth birthday was
now some weeks away and, not withstanding his youth, he had earned for himself, by
reason of his hard work and diligence, a considerable reputation in the academic circle of
philosophers. During his tenure at York he had been voted ‘The Most Interesting Lecturer of
the Year’ many times. That this award, by the students, was partly sartorial did not concern
him in the least and he derived great satisfaction from it.

His teaching commitments were not very heavy, and he would often spend an idle hour or
so drinking tea in the offices of the Philosophy Department in Derwent College, talking to
the Secretary and anyone else who chanced along. The topic of conversations on these
occasions varied, and while at times he might discourse learnedly to a colleague on
philosophical matters, he was as likely to be found – always with a lighted pipe – discussing
the fate of the England middle order batting or the latest calamity to befall his beloved
Sheffield Wednesday football team. Although born in Sheffield, he had spent only ten years
there as a child, and his rather hazy memories of the place did not in any way affect his
fierce loyalty to the team that he - with his father - had supported as a boy.

Yet it was not only his loyal support of this team that had earned him the nickname of ‘The
Owl’.

The owl is, by nature, a nocturnal creature, and although somewhat retiring by day, at night
it is a predator. Colin Mickleman’s prey were women.

He did not possess any particular preference regarding women, although over the years he
had often found himself strongly desiring women whose views were opposed to his own and
with a particular type of sensuous lips. In his search for prey, he never ventured from his
University territory or the venues of the many and various conferences he attended, and the
supply seemed inexhaustible. Every year there was new blood at the University.

Sometimes, his liaisons lasted several months, although the average was around two
weeks, and he was careful almost to the point of obsession not to clutter his day with
assignations. The day belonged to his work. Occasionally, a liaison would prove
troublesome when a woman’s emotions became involved, and on these occasions he would
bury himself in his work and academic duties, trusting in his emotional indifference, since it
was mostly the pleasure of a woman’s body he desired and not a personal involvement.
Perhaps the pattern of his conquests had been set by the mental effort of his youth and
family situation, but however it had arisen it did not concern him much. As a boy nurtured by
the hilly terraced streets of Sheffield between his father’s factory and the Corporation Baths,
his pursuits and interests had been those of any boy his age and class, and it was not until
his family had moved to Leeds by virtue of his mother having to care for elderly relatives
that his ardour for learning – as well as his desire to be somewhat different and escape from
what he regarded as the drab limitations of his parents’ life – was aroused.

The light is his room was growing dimmer as the sun set and he sat down at his desk to
collect together the scattered pages of the article he had spent the day writing. His room
filled a modest space on the ground floor of Goodricke College, and he had chosen it in
preference of the large, but dull, flats normally reserved for members of the academic staff.
He liked the view of the lake, the grassy bank with its weeping willow trees, and the three
post-Graduate students with whom he shared a corridor and kitchen were quiet and
unassuming companions.

The article pleased him, as his style of life did. He was content, teaching, publishing articles,
writing his book on philosophy – and adding to his list of female conquests. He kept a list of
the names of the women with whom he had had sexual relations, and he took it briefly from
a locked drawer in his desk, smiling to himself, before he re-read his article. Soon, he felt,
the academic adulation he desired would be his.

The knock on his door annoyed him, disturbing his reverie, and he sighed deeply before
opening the door.

Alison, her eyes puffy and red, stood outside in the corridor.

“Yes?” he asked as if he did not know her.

She began to cry and he watched in astonishment as she sat on his bed with her head in
her hands. Her wailing annoyed him, and he sat at his desk to refill his pipe. She was a
second year Undergraduate of passionate intensity, and as he watched her he began to
think of stratagems that might bring their relationship to a satisfying end.

Nevertheless, a part of him resented the stratagems that the cynical Owl proposed, and he
rose to sit beside her before regaining control of himself and returning to his desk.

“Do you love me?” she asked suddenly.

When he did not answer, she wiped away her tears with her hands. “I have something to tell
you,” she whispered.

He looked suspiciously at her as if correctly guessing. She was watching him, and waiting
for his reaction and he was glad when someone else knocked on his door. He bounded
across the room to open it, and stood staring at the man in the corridor.

Edmund Arrowsmith had known Colin for over ten years, and was not surprised to find a
woman in the room of his friend. He had travelled a long way and eased the heavy weight of
his large rucksack off his shoulder for a moment.

“I can come back,” he said.

“No, it’s alright!” Colin replied. “Come in! This,” he said, pointing, “is Alison.”

She looked at Edmund, but did not return his smile of greeting and he eased his rucksack
onto the floor.

“Well then,” said Colin amicably to him, “what’s your latest hair-brained scheme?”

Edmund looked pained. “Actually, I’m off to join a community.”

Colin laughed, turned to Alison and said, “This is he! Ex-student, ex-political agitator, ex-
mercenary, now soon to be ex- something else!”

He stood up, stretched and yawned. “I’ll make some tea,” he said before searching among
the books and papers that lay in profusion on his desk. He gave Edmund a copy of his latest
published article.

Alison watched Colin leave, but the invitation she hoped for did not come. She saw Edmund
study a few sections of the article carefully, glance at the rest and then throw it back upon
the desk.

“What are you studying?” he asked her.

“Music,” she said sharply and instantly regretted it.

“Then what instrument do you play?”

His eyes gave the impression of looking straight through her, and she felt there was
something sinister about him which his outward appearance belied. His boots were well
worn, his dull woollen shirt patched and his trousers well made and old, his face and arms
deeply tanned. Only the gauntness of his face and his staring eyes betrayed him.

“Violin,” she said softly, turning to look out of the window.

“Oh, I see.”

Suddenly, she turned toward him. “What’s wrong with the violin?” she demanded
aggressively.

Edmund smiled. “I just imagined you’d play something else – the piano.”

“Of course I play the piano!”

“Which do you prefer?”

“It’s not a question of ‘which do I prefer'! It’s a question of what music I choose to play.”

“I’d like to hear you play sometime.”

The question was so unexpected and so sincerely meant that Alison did not know what to
say in reply and she was glad that Colin returned at that moment.

“What do you think?” he asked Edmund, pointing to the article and carefully laying two
mugs of tea upon the corner of the desk.
“Not bad – style’s a bit turgid.”

Colin squinted at him. “You have to write like that – Editors expect it.”

“Doesn’t say much for Editors does it?”

Alison began to laugh, then thought better of it. “Where’s mine, then?” she asked, indicating
the mugs.

“But you don’t like tea,” Colin protested.

“True! But I’d like to be asked.”

They glowered at each other for some moments.

“I need to stretch my legs a bit,” Edmund said as he stood, sensing an intrusion. “See you
in, say, half an hour?”

He did not wait for a reply and as he walked down the corridor he could hear Colin and
Alison shouting at each other. He caught the words; “I haven’t seen him for over a year!” But
in the deserted and otherwise silent corridor it was Alison’s words that he carried out with
into the warm, still air of Spring. They were sad words, perhaps even tragic, he thought,
given the knowledge of his friend, and he stood outside the building for some minutes,
looking across the lake as it scintillated under the now glowing lights of Vanbrugh College.
“Don’t you understand,” Alison had shouted, “I’m pregnant!” and Edmund allowed the
temporary peace of his academic surroundings to calm him as he walked toward the lake.

II

Edmund had always like the University since he had visited it many years ago. Spread over
a two hundred acre site, its centrepiece was the fifteen-acre lake and despite the modernity
of its buildings, he felt a harmony had been achieved unlike anything else he had seen in
modern academia. This was partly due, he knew, to the planned and the fortuitous bird-life
that had gathered around the lake, and partly because of the transplantation of mature trees
around the campus. He particularly liked the tall, broad Chestnut trees. Even the large
Central Hall adjacent to the lake and near the fountain that shot water high into the air, did
not seem out of place among the Weeping Willows that lined the banks and the Cherry
trees that frequented the paths. The Hall was a semi-octagon, its upper stories cantilevered
above the water and, planned or otherwise, it dominated the site. The whole effect pleased
Edmund, although he felt the multitude of students spoiled it.

He sat for a long time by the lake, watching night fall and students pass. When he did rise, a
sense of caution led him to walk slowly, and as he reached the residential block containing
Colin’s room, he saw Alison in animated conversation with a young man; she was trying to
restrain his arm but he pushed her away. Edmund walked across the grass, smiled at
Alison, and entered the building.

Colin was in the kitchen, a teapot in his hand, while beside him stood a young man
clenching a carving knife.

“You bastard!” he was shouting, “you bloody bastard!”

Edmund went toward him.

“Stay out of this!” the young man growled.

Colin appeared to be mildly amused and swiftly, Edmund kicked the knife from the man’s
hand. It spun toward the roof, and then fell to clatter harmlessly into the sink. The man
rushed toward Edmund who blocked the intended punch and pinned his assailant against
the wall in an arm lock.

“He’s drunk,” Colin said by way of explanation. “Fancy some tea?”

“Please,” Alison said as she stood by the door, “let him go.”

“Her brother,” Colin explained.

Cautiously, Edmund released him, and Alison's brother bent over the sink, vomiting.
“I’m sorry,” Alison said to Edmund as she attended to her brother.

“Is he alright?” Edmund asked her.

“I’ll take him to his room.”

After they had gone, Edmund said, “What are you going to do?”

“Have some tea!”

“About Alison, I meant.”

Colin squinted, as was his habit. “You know then?”

“Yes.”

The smell of vomit was strong, and Edmund flushed it away before turning to his now ashen-
faced friend. “Come on, fresh air is what you need.”

They stood on the bridge over the edge of the lake.

“What will you do?” asked Edmund again.

Colin sighed. “She’ll have to have and abortion,” he said without conviction.

“What does she want?”

“She’s done this to try and trap me. She said she’d taken precautions.”

“You don’t feel responsible, then? Edmund asked.

“Of course not. She’s over eighteen.”

“You don’t feel in the slightest bit responsible?”

“No.” He stared down at the water, watching the scattering of light from the profusion of
illumination near then and around the whole campus. He felt the transitory bloom of his
thought would be crushed by Alison’s weight – the inertial weight of a childbearing body.

“You do care, really, don’t you?” Edmund said after the long silence.

Colin sighed, although it was not the sigh of the cynical Owl, still less that of the academic
philosopher who watched life as it unfolded around his chosen dwelling. “I never misled her
about my intentions,” he said.

“You don’t like women much, do you?”

“What?” Colin’s face was a carefully contrived combination of wounded pride and
annoyance.

“Not as they are – in themselves. For you they are just reflectors of your self image.”

Colin was considering his answer when an obese man in a crumpled suit approached them.
He was panting, and sweat dribbled from his forehead. He held a book in his hand from
which protruded several sheets of notepaper. The man smiled at Colin, wiped his brow with
a silk handkerchief, and thrust the papers at him.

“Sorry.” He explained, sucking in his lower lip, “reader’s report against it. Glad I caught you,
Colin. Sorry, but I’m late already.”

Colin took the sheaf of papers. “Thanks.”

“Better luck next time, eh?” the man smirked before wobbling away.

“The bastard!” Colin said mutely.

“Friend of yours, then?” Edmund asked.

Colin glanced through his rejected article, and then stuffed it into his pocket. “That was
Doctor Richard Storr, Ph.D. (Oxon) – infamous editor of the British Journal of Philosophy
and – would you believe it – my Head of Department!”

“He’s the Professor?”

“Thankfully, no. But he’s in charge until one is appointed.”

“I gather you two are not on friendly terms.”

Colin ignored the question. “So how long are you staying this time?”

“A few days – maybe longer.”

For several minutes Colin was silent. Then, taking money from his pockets, he trust it at
Edmund saying, “Here, get yourself something to eat. I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Where are you going?”

Colin hunched up his shoulders and wrung his hands. “To forget!”

He left his friend standing on the bridge and walked quickly back to his room to collect his
camera. It did not take him long to arrange his assignation, and he waited by the road that
intersected the campus beneath the walkway that siphoned students to and from the Library.

“Well,” he said as he climbed into the car, which stopped for him and held out his camera,
“have you decided?”

The woman smiled at him. She was several years older than Mickleman, a Lecturer in
English, her oval face graced by large blue eyes and framed by straight tawny hair. For
months she had resisted his flattery and attentions. Her body showed a slight tendency
toward corpulence, and Mickleman had lusted after it. She was polite where he was often
gruff; her office tidy whereas his was chaotic. They taught the same Undergraduate student
and it was from this student that he had come to know of Magarita’s existence. All her
students held her in awe and it was this one fact which led Mickleman to seek her out and
begin to plan his seduction. It was over a month ago since he had succeeded, and he had
sown the seeds for the next stage of his conquest.

“You’ll develop them yourself?” Magarita asked him, still unsure.

“Yes,” he lied before putting down his camera and rubbing his hands together gleefully.

III

Alison was alone again in the quietness of a practice room in the Music Department, and sat
down on the piano stool to re-read her diary.

‘The corridor was dark - all the rooms were closed and I felt afraid. I could not bear a
repeat of my last visit – the angry words, the tears, needs that were not fulfilled,
things left unsaid. I remember I said: “It’s better if I never see you again’ – hoping he
would plead with me to stay. He said nothing. I couldn’t resist any more: ‘What shall I
do?’ I cried, catching the lapels of his jacket, tears on them, my tears as I clung to
him, trying to make a bridge. ‘Come on Wednesday’ he struggled to say. ‘On
Wednesday,’ I repeated.

Such a dark corridor, outside. Last time I just stood in the kitchen, kicking the door
and shouting at it: ‘Why do you never understand me!’ Yet I was back again – I had
no pride left. Was this need really love? What would I say this time? Could I find a
way of letting him understand – of getting through? I knocked on his door. ‘Come in’.
The voice was subdued. He was sitting in his chair I remember as if it was a moment
ago. Dispirited. ‘What is it?’ I wondered if all relationships were like this – so charged
with emotion. ‘Your letter, your letter,’ he struggled to say. ‘I’ve hurt you,’ I whispered
with awe. Then, sitting on his lap, my head against him, buried. Crying. ‘It’s alright.’ A
soft voice, a soft touch on my face.

It did not last. ‘Are you pleased to see me?’ I asked. ‘About as pleased as a
Mickleman can be.’ Then, the inevitable wandering hand. The moment gone, and
never repeated.
Only a month ago, she sighed; before I knew my fate. She put down the diary, thought of
tearing it up, but did not. Then she began to play the piano, an Intermezzo by Brahms,
transforming her feelings into her performance. And at its end, she sat, quite still, trying to
recapture the beauty she had felt.

‘I feel,’ she wrote in her diary, ‘only music can lead me to the knowledge I am seeking. I
want to be at peace – when I play, I am at peace.’ What then, she thought, of the child now
growing within her womb?

She did not know, and rose to walk slowly out of the building. She did not bother to seek
Colin’s room, but walked aimlessly along the paths, her face downturned.

“Hello!” a cheerful voice said to her.

It was some moments before she recognized the speaker.

“Are you alright?” Edmund asked her.

“Fine.” She looked around, but could not see Colin.

“I’m just going to get something to eat. Would you like to join me?”

Eating was repellent to her but in atonement for the guilt she felt she said, “Yes.”

She shuffled after Edmund toward the dining hall to join the small queue that babbled past
the serving hatch. The dead and steaming flesh behind the glass cages nauseated her, as
the gaggles of students at the tables annoyed her, and she followed Edmund’s example by
selecting a salad. Near her, someone laughed while they walked balancing a tray full of
food. “I suppose’ his companion said, “nothing matters but the quality.” He looked at Alison
and smiled.

For some reason Alison wanted to slap the young man’s face, but the feeling soon
vanished, and she followed Edmund to an empty table where she sat under the bright lights
prodding her lifeless food.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Edmund asked her kindly.

“Not for food.” Then she was laughing at herself. “God! I’m beginning to sound like a cheap
novel!”

“Surely you mean a character from a cheap novel?”

She stared at him, suddenly angry and defensive. Then she smiled. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

She was surprised at the warmth in his words and in his eyes. “Would you,” she said
impetuously, “like me to play some music for you?”

“Yes, I would. Very much indeed.”

“Come on, then!” She grasped his hand to lift him up from the table, then suddenly took it
away thinking he might misconstrue her gesture.

She walked with him at a brisk pace back to the practice room. She was impatient to begin
without quite understanding why. The Partita she played was followed by Brahms and then
more Brahms while Edmund sat on the floor, listening. She seemed to play for a long time,
and when she stopped she rested her incandescent face in her hands.

“Beautiful,” Edmund said.

She shrugged her shoulders. “I made a lot of mistakes.”

“I didn’t notice any.”

She smiled at being caught out. “What do you think of Brahms?”

“Nice.”
She was offended. “Nice? Is that all?” she said, a trace of anger in her voice.

“What do you think of his music then?” he countered.

“Sublime!”

“Possibly – sometimes.”

“You’re not serious? He is unsurpassed. Unsurpassable!”

“Everything can be surpassed – its just a question of will and genius.”

“Not today it isn’t – in this decadent culture.”

“Culture is only genuine culture if it smells of blood.”

She stared at him, but he smiled. His statement was so out of place with his benign
expression she ignored it.

“What are you going to do?” he suddenly asked her.

She looked at him suspiciously, then turned away. “What do you mean?” she asked softly.

“I overheard – earlier on.”

She blushed, and shuffled her feet. “He’s offered to live with me.”

“And do you want that?”

“I don’t know.” Then, cheerfully: “ I don’t think he does, though!”

“No – I can’t really imagine him living a life of domestic bliss.”

“What do you think of him?”

“I think he is a genius.”

“Really?” she asked in astonishment.

“Intellectually, yes. Perhaps he needs to become a bit more human, though. Anyway, what
do you want to do with your life?”

“I’d like to compose something,” she said enthusiastically, “something beautiful and
profound.”

“Like Brahms’ Fourth Symphony?”

She looked at him quizzically. “I thought you didn’t like Brahms?”

“I never actually said that.”

She sighed. “We all have impossible dreams.”

He gave his enigmatic smile. “Some of us make them a reality.”

“Oh, yes?” she said.

Edmund turned his face away slightly, and her first thought was that she had offended him
until she realized he was listening. She strained to hear what it was, but was surprised when
Colin appeared at the door.

“Thought you’d be in here” Colin said to Alison. Then, seeing Edmund, he added “He been
having and attack of his verbal diarrhoea?”
“She played some Brahms for me,” Edmund said as he stood up.

“Romantic cretin,” Colin muttered.

“I’m surprised,” Edmund said, “that you in your modernist existence have heard of him – let
alone heard him.”

“Goes on a bit, doesn’t he?” Colin said to Alison.

“Had fun, then?” Edmund countered, pointing at the camera Colin held.

Colin ignored the remark. “You eaten, yet?” he asked Alison.

“Yes, thank you,” she said curtly and began to play the piano.

Colin winced.

“I gather,” Edmund said to him, “you don’t like Bach either?”

“Baroque cretin. Well, I’m going to have something to eat. “You coming?” he asked Edmund.

“In a while.”

Disgruntled, Colin left them to walk along the concrete path toward the bridge. He had not
gone far when he realized he was being followed. The man was tall, his suit in contrast to
his milieu, and Colin waited on the bridge for the man to pass him by. Instead, the man
stopped, and waited. Colin walked on, the man followed, keeping his distance. He slowed
his pace and the man did likewise. But when he reached the dining hall and turned around
again the man had gone.

Alison had ceased her playing shortly after Colin had left the room.
“I suppose,” she said, “we’d better join him – or he’ll sulk all evening.”

“Have you ever thought of performing – professionally?”

“I’m not that good.”

“Yes you are.”

“Anyway,” she said and touched her abdomen with her hand, “it’s out of the question, now.”

“Not necessarily.”

Her look was one of disapproval, and they did not speak as they left the room and the
building to walk the brightly lit paths. As they neared the dining hall, a tall man dressed in a
suit stepped out from the shadows and come toward them.

“Excuse me,” Edmund said to Alison. “Tell Colin I’ll see him early tomorrow morning.

She saw Edmund talk briefly with the man before she walked into the hall. Colin sat by
himself at a table eating, rather gluttonously she thought, from a plate full of steaming food.

“He said,” she remarked as she sat beside him, “that he’d see you tomorrow.”

“Typical. Always disappearing mysteriously. That’s Edmund.”

“You are really fond of him, aren’t you?” she said, surprised by his obvious disappointment.

“Have you decided what you are going to do yet?”

“Go home – for a while at least.”

“I meant – “
“I know what you meant.”

Colin squinted at her. “What?” Then, annoyed by his own affectation, he said, “I meant what
I said.”

“Part of you did, at least.” Colin’s presence – so physically near and yet so emotionally
distant – made her feel like crying.

He saw this, and then nervously looked around.

“Don’t worry,” she said, “I won’t embarrass you by crying.”

He was about to answer when a young lady, colourfully dressed and possessed of a
freckled face and an athletic build, shouted from the doorway of the hall.

“Hi Colin!” she said and sauntered to their table. “I’m so glad I found you!” She sat down.
“What a day!” As if becoming aware of Alison, she turned toward her. “Hi! I’m Maren!”

“And I am just leaving,” Alison replied, having seen Colin’s eyes widen in gleeful
remembrance as he looked at Maren.

“But – “ he began to say, then faltered, torn between his desire for Maren and his feeling of
responsibility toward Alison. In his indecision, he let Alison walk away.

“You know,” Maren said to him, “that exhibition in John’s Gallery today? Well – you should
have seen how they displayed my painting! Horrible, absolutely horrible. I objected, of
course. And tried to explain to Jenny – she was with me – the ultimate meaning of having it
displayed just right. You know what I mean, don’t you? Well, she – Jenny that is – she was
so caught up in her own problems, she didn’t understand. And John! How he could devalue
the exquisite contents of the painting that way, I’ll never know.

She took a drink from his glass of water. “You know what I dread, Colin? Dread most of all?
The inevitable threat of being passé. Shall we have some fun tonight?” She looked around
the dining hall. “Shake the cretins up a bit?”
Colin smiled at her and she smiled back.

IV

It took several minutes for Colin Mickleman to realize where he was. The curtains were still
closed, but enough light penetrated for him to make out the contents of his room.

Normally he placed a glass of water beside his bed before he went to sleep. But this
morning it was not there, and he yawned. His yawning occupied him for some minutes while
he recovered some of his strength that his debauch of the night before had dissipated.
Maren, at his insistence, had left his bed in the early hours of the morning, for he like to
sleep alone.

Finally, after much yawning, sighing and stretching of his arms, he rose from his bed to
begin his extensive toilet. When he was dressed, groomed and washed to his satisfaction,
he sat at his desk for several minutes watching the lake through his window and smoking
his pipe. He was thinking what to do about Alison when someone knocked at his door.

Edmund stood in the corridor, smiling in such a way that the ends of his mouth came very
close to his ears.

“Lovely day, isn’t it?” Edmund said cheerfully. “Like some breakfast?” He held out a plate
containing eggs, bacon and tomatoes.

Colin hunched his shoulders. “I hate people like you in the mornings.” Grumpy, he shuffled
away to open the window in his room.

“Breakfast?” Edmund repeated.

“I don’t eat breakfast.”

“I wondered why your growth was stunted. More for me, then. Want some coffee?”
“I haven’t got any coffee – or any food for that matter.”

“Never mind.” He went to the kitchen to eat.

Colin joined him, but only to obtain a drink of water.

“Any plans for today?” Edmund asked.

“Lectures – then a meeting. I’ll meet you in the ‘Well’ in Derwent at twelve.”

“Sure you won’t have something to eat?” He held out a piece of bacon on the end of his fork.

Colin muttered something incomprehensible before returning to his room. Outside, in the
bright sun, students seethed along the paths and he joined them as he made his way to his
lecture. He disliked the lecture room with its high windows and bright, impersonal lights, but
was glad to find all his first year students present and waiting. Of the women, Kate had been
conquered already, but she ignored his smile as he remembered his photographs of her,
locked in the drawer of his desk in the privacy of his room. His favourite among them was of
her standing on a chair by his door, lifting her skirt to reveal her nakedness, the ginger tufts
of pubic hair. She had held her head to one side , as if wearily obeying his desire to make
her look ridiculous, her brown eyes staring at the camera and her mass of ginger curls
slightly in disarray around her shoulders.

Of the others present, only Fenton did not turn his eyes away from Colin’s gaze. Instead, he
stared directly at the Owl, as if understanding. He wore a long scarf and un-fashionable
clothes, and the badge of his lapel proclaimed him as a supporter of the ‘Gay Liberation
Front’. Not for the first time, Colin felt uneasy looking at him and turned his gaze elsewhere.

“Right,” Colin said, rubbing his hands together as was his habit. “I can see you’re all keen
for me to begin.” He checked the pocket of his jacket to make sure his pipe was there. It
was. “Now, in many ways, modern philosophy is considered to have begun with
Descartes…”

He kept the attention of his students for the allotted span, and watched with satisfaction as
they all, with the exception of Fenton, closed their notebooks with what seemed to be
reluctance as he sidled into the corridor outside. Fiona Pound was ahead of him, her thin
cotton dress swaying as she walked. Underneath it, he sensed she was naked.

Unusually, the door of his room in the Department was open, but everything seemed in its
familiar place – the stuffed owl on the bookcase, the picture of Sheffield Wednesday football
team on the wall, the chaos of books upon floor and desk – and he sat down to fill his pipe,
pleased with the newly acquired copy of Laclos’ “Les Liasons Danereuses”, bound in black
leather. The fact that he did not speak French did not diminish his enjoyment in the least.

With his academic aims always in mind, Colin was scrupulous almost to the point of
obsession about being on time for meetings and lectures, and it came as an unwelcome
surprise to find himself late for the Departmental meeting. Fiona smiled at him as he entered
the room; Whiting and Hill ignored him while Storr, as usual, seemed anxious and nervous.
Horton sat in his usual corner by the window, dressed in the inevitable tweeds, ignoring
everybody including Mrs. Cornish with whom, for the past fifteen years, he had been
conducting an illicit affair.

“Sorry I’m late,” said Colin as he sat next to Fiona.

Storr grunted and then expectorated loudly. “We were discussing,” he said, “Mrs. Pound’s
new course in Philosophy of Society.”

Colin nodded his head like a coot and proceeded to ignore what Storr was saying. The staff
sat on both sides of a long table with Storr at their head. Beside the table and its chairs, the
room contained some bookcases and magazine racks while the walls were covered with
charts. Storr loved charts and spent a great deal of time creating them. Among his latest
ventures were: ‘The Frequency Of Post-Graduate Research Topics’, Undergraduate
Performance in Relation to School Achievement’ and (Colin’s favorite) ‘Continuity in Staff/
Student Relations’. Colin’s own chart, showing the rise to fame of Sheffield Wednesday, had
not lasted very long on the wall.

Mrs. Cornish, a middle-aged lady of somewhat stern countenance was smoking one of her
small cigars, while Horton continued solving his crossword puzzle. He was the most senior
member of the staff, and coveted the Professorship, his distain of Departmental meetings
being matched by his own dislike of Storr whom he called a ‘smelly twerp’.

Storr’s confederates, Whiting and Hall, seemed to be avidly devouring the words of their
Master, and Colin concentrated on Fiona whose perfume pleased him. She was leaning
forward, apparently listening to Storr, and resting her elbows on the table in such a way that
several inches of her bronzed flesh were visible in the neckline region of her dress. Her
face, like the rest of her body, was tanned, and Colin thought her green eyes offset
beautifully the red hair that advancing age had left untouched. Twice married, and divorced,
Mickleman had pursued her avidly during his first year in the Department but her skill was
equal to if not surpassed his own, and she had kept her distance. But her challenge and
enigma remained for him, breeding a dark desire.

Mrs. Cornish was watching him ogle Fiona, and he winked at her. She pretended not to
notice. Her hair was flaxen, gathered awkwardly on her head, and it had occurred to Colin
many times that he would like to see her stand on a chair in his room, naked. With the
photographs he would take, her power and authority – at least for him - would be broken.

“Er,” Storr was saying, his diatribe apparently over, “I think we should all, er, congratulate
Mrs. Pound on the success of this new venture of hers. Don’t you all agree?”

“Yes!” Chimed Hill with bovine expression, “good show!”

He showed his large white teeth to everyone.

“Thank you,” smiled Fiona. “As you know,” she continued in her precise, accentless way,
“this subject is very dear to me and I would just like to say – “

“What, again?” growled Horton.

“Er, did you have a point to make, Mr. Horton?” asked Storr meekly.

“Can’t we get on? Heard it all before and it’s all drivel. What next on the agenda, Storr?”

“I say!” protested Hill. Fiona and Storr, like himself, were Oxford graduates. Horton was a
Cambridge man.

“If I could say a word – “ began Whiting in his slow way. He had studied at Keele, and
everybody except Colin ignored him.

“You’ve said six already,” growled Horton.

Whiting’s think, droopy, moustache began to twitch.

“Yes, Richard,” Mrs. Cornish said with a smile to Storr, “what is next? We really ought to
press on.”

“Well, er,” Storr said, getting the notes in front of him into a terrible mess. “I think it’s a
memorandum from the Vice-Chancellor. It’s here somewhere.” He fumbled among his notes
and papers before smiling and wiping his forehead with his brightly coloured silk
handkerchief. About selection policy.”

Colin watched Storr with amusement.

“I don’t seem to be able to find it at the moment,” Storr said.

“Typical!” Horton scowled, and continued with his crossword puzzle.

Storr ignored him, “But I do, er, remember most of its contents. We are to take a more
favourable attitude to ethnic minorities – be flexible in accepting those without, ah, formal
qualifications.”

This was too much for Horton. He flung down his newspaper. “You mean lower our already
disastrously low entrance standards to let more of them in!”

“Mr. Horton, please!” chided Fiona.

“Ruddy stupid idea!” Horton said.

“The Government,” continued Storr, “has asked – “

“Might have known,” Horton grunted, “it was those bunch of damn fools!” He rustled his
newspaper loudly.

“The Vice-Chancellor says – and I must admit I agree with him – “ Storr said, “ – that they
should be encouraged. And in view of our policy toward, er, mature candidates, he
considers we, that is this Department, should make a determined start in this direction.”

“We are a University,” Horton said gruffly, “not an unemployment training scheme!”

“I believe we have, er, a valuable role to play in ensuring equality of opportunity.”

“Why don’t you ruddy well say what you mean instead of waffling like a twerp!”

“Sorry?”

“Gentlemen, please,” Fiona said, smiling at Horton.

Whiting’s moustache twitched again. “You,” he said to Horton, “sound like a racist.”

“I’m sure,” Mrs. Cornish smiled, “Lawrence did not mean to imply anything of that sort. Did
you Lawrence?”

Lawrence Horton glowered at her, then turned toward Whiting. “You, sir, are an oaf!

“Er,” stuttered Storr, “I assume, Mr. Horton, that you’re opposed to the Vice-Chancellor’s
suggestion?”

“As a racist,” protested Whiting, “he would be.”

“Racism,” Horton said calmly, neatly folding up his newspaper, “is an abstract idea invested
by sociologists which they project, most incorrectly, onto the real world to make it accord
with their prejudices. It has about as much reality as an intelligent Vice-Chancellor: both are
impossible according to the Laws of Nature.” He stood up. “And now I have to wring from
the minds of my students all the pretentious sociological nonsense you insist on
indoctrinating them with.” His newspaper under his arm, he strode out of the room.

“Er, I believe,” Storr said after Horton had slammed the door, “that we can record Mr. Horton
as opposed to the Vice-Chancellor’s rather splendid idea. Wouldn’t you all agree?”
“I do so hope,” Hill said, “that he doesn’t become the Professor. A reactionary like that?”

Storr smiled. It was not a pleasing sight. “I don’t think, speaking confidentially of course, that
there is much possibility of his assuming that particular responsibility.”

“Thank goodness,” Whiting said.

“You are misconstruing his objection,” Mrs. Cornish interjected.

“He’d set us back fifty years,” continued Whiting. “We must progress with the times.
Philosophy is a social science, after all.”

“Er, Mickleman,” Storr asked, “what is you opinion?”

“Yes, Colin,” Fiona smiled at him, “I’m sure we would all like to know where you are on this
particular matter.”

“Well,” he said as he withdrew his pipe from his pocket and proceeded to light it, “I would
have to give this matter some thought. It’s not an area that I am familiar with.”

“But surely,” Fiona persisted, “you have an opinion?”

“As a matter of fact, I try to avoid opinions – about things I have not thought through or
deeply about or studied in detail.”

“Quite,” Storr said curtly. “Shall we get on?”

Fiona ignored him. “And in this particular instance?” she said to Colin.

“If necessary I would pursue the matter and then form a judgement – not an opinion – a
judgement on the basis of careful thought.”

“I see,” Fiona smiled at him.

So did Mrs. Cornish, while both Whiting and Storr scowled, in their different ways. Hill
studied his fingernails.

“Well, er,” Storr said shuffling his notes, “Mrs. Pound’s course, because of its success may
be extended to second year students, as a major option. There is to be a staff seminar on
the subject – next month. I think. Er, yes,” he glanced at a crumpled sheet of paper among
his notes, “next month. Is there anything else anyone wants to add?” He looked around.
“Well, then, we have all earned our coffee, I believe!” He began to shuffle the notes.

Colin left him, Whiting, Hill and Fiona discussing the relevance of Philosophy to society.
Mrs. Cornish followed him into the corridor.

“I was impressed,” she said to him, “by what you said.”

“Won’t make any difference, though. They have made their minds up already.”

“True.” She withdrew the pocket watch she always carried and checked the time. “You’ve
had another paper published I understand?”

Surprised, since he had only been informed himself a few days ago, he said, “Yes – how did
you know?”

“One hears things. I also understand Richard has rejected another of yours.”

“Yes.”

“A pity. It was an insightful piece.”

“You read it?”

“Why yes. Do you have a copy?”

“Of course.”
“Then I shall send it to the ‘Bulletin’. With a covering letter, of course.”

“Thank you,” Colin said sincerely.

“Richard can be jealous, sometimes,” she said abstractly. “He envies you your success at
so young an age.” Her smile seemed motherly. “May I offer you some advice?”

“Yes,” Colin said, hesitantly.

Her eyes seemed to Mickleman to shine almost wickedly. “Certain preoccupations are
inadvisable for someone who aspires to high office.” Her eyes resumed their normal
appearance. “Certain things – are just not done. They will make you enemies. I do so hope
you understand me. Now, I really must be going.”

She turned abruptly and walked away from him.

“You bastard!” Colin heard someone behind him say.

He looked around and was punched in the face.

As Colin Mickleman struggled up from the floor it occurred to him in a slow way that
Edmund would probably have been able to block the blow.

Blood from his nose slithered down his face, and he stared at Alison’s brother in
astonishment. Bryn’s kick was well aimed, and although it knocked him over Colin did not at
first realize it had struck him because he could feel no pain from the impact. He seemed to
fall slowly, and as he did so he noticed the floor tile was chipped. There was a stain on the
tile, the pattern of which he found quite interesting, and his detachment was enhanced by
his inability to hear. He lay on the floor watching Fenton restrain Bryn and push him up
against the wall. Then he saw Horton, rushing out of Mrs. Cornish’s room, and students
crowding the corridor and the top of the steps. In the same moment his hearing returned,
and he heard Horton shouting.

“What is the meaning of this?” he said to Bryn while Fenton held Colin’s assailant
aggressively by the throat.

Horton gestured toward Fenton and he released him.

“Well, boy! Horton demanded.

“That bastard – “ Bryn began to say, pointing at Colin who slowly got to his feet.

“Mind your language, boy!” Horton shouted at Bryn.

“Are you alright?” Fenton asked Colin and gave him a handkerchief.

“Fine,” he said, stopping the blood with the gift.

“What’s your name?” Horton demanded of Bryn.

“What’s it to do with you?” Bryn said defiantly.

“Listen to me, you runt!” Horton straightened his back. Despite his advancing years, he
seemed a formidable adversary to Bryn who nervously turned his head as Horton clenched
his fists. “This is a serious matter!”

Fenton was turning to walk away down the stairs and Colin walked toward him.

“Thanks,” he said.

Fenton smiled, and then shrugged his shoulder before disappearing down the stairs. Mrs.
Cornish was in her room, and as Colin walked past her open door, he saw her using the
telephone.
“It’s alright, Lawrence,” Colin said to Horton as he returned to the scene of the fight, “I know
him.”

“I see.”

“Yes.” He noticed Kate looking at him down the corridor but she, like the others, turned
away. The drama was over, and the corridor was clearing.

“Can he go?” Colin asked Horton.

“This is a disciplinary matter. You are a student, I presume?” Horton asked Bryn.

“Yes,” Bryn replied nervously.

“Yes, he is,” confirmed Colin. “Second year, Politics.”

“Politics?” repeated Horton. “Oh well, that explains it!”

Mrs. Cornish joined them. “Perhaps, Lawrence,” she said, “it might be better to leave the
matter here.”

“Well – “ Then to Colin, he said, “Personal, is it?”

“Yes.” He watched Horton’s face carefully, as if his fate was being decided. When Horton
smiled, he felt relieved.

“Maybe it’s for the best.” He faced Bryn. “If I hear so much as one whisper about you from
this day on, I’ll make sure you’re sent down. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.” Bryn said and meant it.

“Now go, before I change my mind.”

Bryn scuttled away just as Storr emerged from his own room around the corner.

“Er, been some trouble?” he muttered.

Horton glowered at him, and then walked away.

“Just a little altercation, Richard,” Mrs. Cornish said. “Nothing to worry about. It’s all over
now.”

“Er, if you’re sure.”

“Perfectly sure, Richard. Lawrence dealt with the matter admirably.”

“The I needn’t make a report out?”

“Certainly not.”

“Well, if you’re sure, Elizabeth.”

“Quite sure,” she replied primly.

“Well, that’s good then. If you could, Elizabeth, spare me a moment of your time. You see, I
–“

“Not now. Perhaps later.”

“Yes. Yes, I quite understand. Later, then.”

“Come with me, Colin, and I’ll get you something instead of that.” She looked disdainfully at
the now bloodied handkerchief he was holding to his nose.
He followed her into her room. As befitted a Senior Lecturer it was larger than his, with a
splendid view of the lake. It was also very tidy. She closed the door firmly.

She briefly inspected his nose. “Nothing serious. Here,” she gave him a sheaf of tissues. “If
it bleeds again, hold your head back. Now, sit down.”

He did as she commanded.

“Really, you must learn discretion, Colin.” She lit one of her cigars. “Not a good start. You’re
very ambitious, are you not?”

“Well – “ perhaps Bryn’s blow had affected him more than he thought, for he felt momentary
embarrassment.

She blew smoke directly into his face. “Would you be happy with Richard as Professor?”

“Well – “

“Hmm. I thought not. Not many would, actually.”

“But surely Lawrence stands a better chance?”

“It is possible, of course. But Richard himself is not without influence. Besides, there are
other considerations. The Vice-Chancellor and Lawrence are not the best of friends.”

“I see.”

“I hope you do, Colin. Is the manuscript of your book complete?”

He looked at her questioningly. “Almost.”

“Good.” She blew smoke directly into his face again. “Do you have a publisher yet?”
“No. not really.”

“Applicants for Professorships are viewed more favourably if they have published a major
work,” she said almost casually.

Colin stared at her. Was it a joke?

“Ours is an expanding Department,” she said. “We hope soon to appoint two more
lecturers.”

Colin knew the rivalry between Storr and Horton was intense. Of the nine members of the
Department, only Fiona, Whiting and Hill favored Storr. The rest, including himself, were
favourably disposed toward Horton. Of those four, Lee and Holland – whom Colin noticed
with regret were not present at the morning’s meeting and thus had missed Horton insulting
Storr – might be enticed away. If Storr was appointed, his Readership would become
vacant, and Fiona seemed certain to benefit.

“However,” Mrs. Cornish continued, “if Richard is appointed, it will be seen in some
influential quarters as a victory for the radical element and we are thus unlikely to be
allocated the resources required to appoint more lecturers.”

“I see,” Colin said again. “But surely, an outside appointment is possible.”

“Of course,” she said smiling, “the Professorial Board is quite independent, and they could
conceivably take such a course of action. If no suitable candidate – from here naturally –
was found. Were you to apply, I would of course forward your application with my
recommendation. Lawrence would of course support your application as well.”

“What?” he said in amazement.

“It is your decision – but consider what I have said. Now, I really must get on.” She held the
door open for him.

He stumbled to his feet.

“Please learn to be discrete in certain matters,” she said.

“Yes,” he mumbled, and staggered down the corridor like a drunken man.

VI

Mickleman spent the rest of his morning drafting and redrafting his application. When, to his
satisfaction, it was complete, he appended a list of his publications to date. He was proud of
his published articles, and derived immense satisfaction from re-reading his list, and it was
well past noon when he presented his application to Elizabeth Cornish.

She was in her office, smoking a cigar, looked up briefly from her work to acknowledge his
presence, said a curt ‘Thank You’ and dismissed him. He was not offended. On the
contrary, he was excited, and stood for several minutes in the corridor watching the lake in
an effort to calm himself.

He was not deceived, however, by his prospects in the matter of Professorship, and was
satisfied merely to have applied. When the offer of a Professorship did come – and he was
certain it would, one day – he would be ready, with all his allies.

Several students passed him as he stood looking out from the window, and he heard them
whisper conspiratorially. But he was not concerned, for he seemed to be be one step nearer
his goal.

‘The Well’ was the central concourse of the Derwent building, and was essentially an open
Common Room with low tables and even lower chairs. It contained a small cafeteria, a
gallery - which sprouted various artefacts of modern Art - and was seldom empty of
students.

At first, among the human profusion, Colin did not see Edmund, and when he did, he was
surprised. He was talking to Fiona. Edmund saw him approaching, said something to Fiona
and without turning she walked away to disappear into the throng of students crowding the
entrance to the Bar.
“Alison’s brother been at you again?” Edmund asked as Colin reached him.

Fiona had completely disappeared from sight. “Do you know her, then?” he quizzically
asked Edmund.

“Who?”

“Fiona.”

“What?”

“That woman you were just talking to.” He looked at his friend suspiciously.

“Oh, her! She just wanted to borrow a match.” He saw Colin peering around the room. “Why
– do you know her?”

“She’s in my Department.”

“Oh, yes? Edmund gave a sly smile. “What number is she on your list of conquests?”

“She’s not,” Colin said, and screwed up his face into a morbid expression.

“What’s this? ‘The Owl’ has met his match?” Edmund said gleefully.

Still chagrined by his past failure, he changed the subject. “Have you seen Alison?”

“Yes, actually. I had an interesting talk with her this morning.”

“Oh, yes?” He said almost in disbelief.

“She’s very gifted. A brilliantly intuitive mind.”

“Did she say anything about – “

“About your child?”

Embarrassed, Colin looked around.

“She still,” Edmund said, “hasn’t decided anything. I suggest she go and stay with those
friends of mine – you know, Magnus and his wife. They run that small farm. The change
would do her good. She ought to get away from this place – it’s very incestuous.”

“I’ve just handed in my application for the Professorship,” Colin said proudly.

“Why don’t you spend a few days on Magnus’ farm? Some manual labour would do you
good.”

Colin looked at him as if he had said something offensive.

“What chance,” Edmund continued, “do you think you’ve got?” For the Professorship, I
mean.”

“Not much, really. But it’s a start.”

“When will you know?”

“Not sure. Perhaps next month.”

“Who recommended you?”

“Elizabeth. Mrs. Cornish.”

“Isn’t she the one you wanted to get into bed?”

Colin winced.

“You told me about her – last year,” Edmund explained. “Don’t you remember?”

“If you say so.”

“Smokes cigars?”

“Yes.”

“You described her attributes in a rather fulsome way, if I remember correctly.”

Colin rubbed his hands together, again. “Nice body! Wouldn’t mind getting my hands around
it!” His fantasy of having Elizabeth standing naked on a chair in his room returned. He would
get her to wear a studded collar to make the humiliation complete.

Edmund sighed. “The Superior Philosopher is for the belly, not the eye.”

“Eh?”

“Lao Tzu.”

“Oh, that antiquated Chinese cretin.”

“Shall we eat? I’m hungry.”

“What?” His fantasy was still intruding upon reality. Nearby, a young woman sat talking to
her friends, her blouse emphasizing her breasts. Colin stared at her. “You have something,”
he said to Edmund. “I’ll catch you later.”

His sexual passion aroused, he strode off toward Alison’s room.

Alison was sitting on her bed, listening to music and cuddling a very large toy lion whom she
called Aslan. The sunlit gardens behind Heslington Hall were visible from her window, and
she did not look away when a familiar knock sounded on her door.

“Come in,” she said wearily.

Colin, as was his habit, wrestled the lion away from her and with undisguised glee
proceeded to stuff it through the open window. She let him enjoy his childish fun. Her room
was on the ground floor, and Aslan could easily be retrieved.

His ritual greeting over, he rubbed his hands and shuffled toward her. Alison was annoyed
at the lust so evident on his face.

“Why don’t you grow up?” she shouted at him.

Momentarily perplexed, he retrieved Aslan.

“After your oats, then?” she said seethingly.

“I am after expanding my being through the experience of the ultimate,” he said in the prose
of The Philosopher.

“Why can’t you stop being so false?”

“Ah! ‘Tis true, falsehood is my matchless probity!” He sat beside her on the bed and began
to caress her earlobe with his fingers.

He could sense her beginning to succumb, and this pleased him. He wanted to lay people
bare to affirm his superiority, control them by his words and his body, and he was surprised
when Alison pushed him away.

“I’m going away for a few days,” she said, moving to sit on the floor and cuddle Aslan.

He was about to summon forth a clever riposte when someone knocked on the door of the
room.
Eagerly, Alison rose to answer. Fiona stood in the corridor, her dress unbuttoned so that
very little of her breasts were not exposed.

“Sorry to intrude,” she said with a smile which pleased Colin, “but could I speak to Mr.
Mickleman for a moment?”

“Yes, come in.”

Fiona stayed outside. “It’s about your application,” she said to Colin. “Can you come to the
Department?”

Colin looked at Alison who shrugged her shoulders.

“Won’t be long,” he said to Alison.

He walked with Fiona down the corridor and out into the sunlight.

“Shall we go to your room?” Fiona said. “It is quite near.”

“It would be more private,” smiled Colin.

“Elizabeth told me about your application.”

“Indeed?”

“Yes.”

They reached his room without further conversation.

“Not what I expected,” she said as she glanced around. Clothes lay in an untidy heap upon
the floor and it smelled of pipe smoke.
“Welcome to my lair!” Colin said, posing.

“What exactly are your intentions?” she asked him.

“Total experiential liberation!”

She ignored the remark. “About your application.”

“And I thought – “

“I was after your body?” she completed.

“The thought had suggested itself.”

She sat down on his bed, crossing her legs to expose most of her thigh. “Are you serious?”
she said, smiling.

“Do you want me to be?”

“That depends.”

“Oh, yes?” He guessed her purpose.

“To some, you might seem the ideal candidate.”

As he looked at her, the conviction grew in him that the Professorship was really within his
grasp. Fiona was courting him; Elizabeth and Horton would endorse his application with
their references. He could deftly and with cunning play Storr off against Horton. Professor
Colin Mickleman. It sounded right. The more he looked at Fiona, the more his lust gave way
to scheming. She would be a valuable ally.

“Why don’t you come and sit beside me?” she said.
He did, and leaned over toward her to kiss her lips but she moved away, laughing.

“Do you like Early Music?” she asked.

“Not particularly.” He was wondering whether to touch her thigh when she spoke.

“There’s a concert tonight. The Early Music Group is playing in the Lyons Hall. Music by
Landini and Machaut. The Vice-Chancellor will be there. Good form for you to be seen –
with the right person, of course.

“Of course. You have tickets, then?”

“Naturally. Shall we meet at half past seven?”

“Fine by me.”

She stood up. “Excellent! And afterwards,” she ran her finger down his face, “you can
explain just what your intentions are.”

She left him wondering who had been manipulating whom. He searched his pockets for his
pipe, and as he did so he remembered last having it when he was attacked by Bryn.

“Damn!” he said, frustrated by its loss and the lack of sexual gratification that the last half
hour had brought. “Damn!”

“Well,” Edmund said as he stood in the doorway, “if you’re going to be like that, I might as
well go away again.”

“Eh?”

“She didn’t stay long,” quipped Edmund.

“I’m meeting her tonight.” He searched in his desk and found his spare pipe which he
proceeded to fill and light. “Not a good day,” he sighed. Then, remembering his application,
he smiled.

“Came for my rucksack,” Edmund said.

Colin was surprised. “Leaving already?”

“Afraid so.” He opened the wardrobe and extracted his rucksack.

“Can’t you stay a little longer?” He was visibly disappointed.

“Not really. Have some unfinished business.”

“Such as?”

“Oh, various things.” He shouldered his heavy burden.

“You going now?”

“Yes.”

“When shall we meet again?”

“Who can say – who cannot say?”

They smiled at each other.

Colin squinted, then held out his hand which Edmund shook strongly, causing Colin to
grimace, only half mockingly.

Edmund turned, waved and then walked out of the room and away from his friend.
 VII

Colin was only a little late for his afternoon tutorial, but Andrea was already waiting in his
room in the Department. She was dressed in a fashionable padded jacket of colourful
design and her scarf seemed inappropriate considering the weather, its whiteness in
contrast to the patterned blue of her dress. Her dark hair, although well brushed, looked
untidy, and she smiled, a little, as Colin entered the room, before her boyish face resumed
its startled look.

“So,” Colin said gleefully before assuming the correct intonation and accent, “relentlessly
pursued over aerial house top and vice-versa, I have thwarted the malevolent machinations
of our most scurrilous enemies. In short, I am arrived.”

Andrea did not know whether to be embarrassed by the W.C Fields impersonation.

Colin cast his lustful gaze upon her. Her gestures were awkward as she fumbled in her bag
for her essay.

“Sorry, it’s a bit late,” she said holding the pages out for him.

The Owl watched, and the Philosopher set the trap. “Relationships are difficult things –
sometimes.” He took her essay and sat behind his desk. “Perhaps’, he said, pausing for
effect, “I shouldn’t say this – and stop me if I say anything untoward – but sometimes with
some people I get feelings; impressions. Call it empathy, if you like. One of the great things
about life is that we can talk about things – bring problems out of ourselves. Remember
Descartes?”

“Yes,” she said shyly.

He sprang his trap. His face bore a kindly smile, but inside his minds was full of scheming.
“If you would like to talk about things, I’m a good listener. Share the sadness I sense about
you.” He smiled his smile again. “I’ll be in the Bar here in Derwent tomorrow after seven.
Now, your essay.”
He lit his pipe and settled back in his chair to read her offering. His criticisms were minor,
and he talked for only a quarter of an hour about the essay’s content while she sat across
from him, wringing her hands together and occasionally meeting his glance.

He gave her back her essay. “Tomorrow – if you want,” he said, before picking up the
receiver of his telephone. It was a sign of his dismissal of her and she did not fail him.

“Goodbye, then,” she said and briefly smiled.

He dialled a few numbers before she closed his door. Then he replaced the receiver. But his
pleasure did not last for long.

“Ah!” Storr said as he opened the door without first knocking upon it. “Colin! I, er, just
wanted to say how pleased I am about your application. Yes, most pleased.”

“Oh yes?”

“Er, yes indeed my dear boy!”

“Did you want something?”

“What?” Storr looked around. “How are your tutorials going?” Well, I hope.”

Before Colin could reply, Elizabeth pushed Storr aside.

“Have you a match?” she said as she reached Colin’s desk. “My lighter is U/S.”

Colin fumbled in his pockets until he found his box of matches. He held them out for her but
she ignored his gesture and leaned toward him with one of her small cigars between her
fingers.

After he had lit it, she blew the smoke into his face. “Mind if I keep the box?” she asked.

“No, of course not.”

Both he and Storr watched her leave.

“Well, I must get on! Storr said to him. “Nice talking to you, Colin.” Nodding his head, he
walked into the corridor.

Colin was soon at work. He needed one chapter to complete his book, and he worked
eagerly but steadily during the hours of the afternoon, filling pages of paper with his writing.
Occasionally he would stop to read what he had written, sometimes making corrections, and
occasionally he would stop to refill and relight his pipe. Only once did he leave the room.
But the Secretary’s Office was deserted and he made his own cup of coffee before returning
to his desk.

It was becoming dark outside when his task was completed, and he collected together all
the pages of the chapter. Satisfied with his effort, he wrote a note. “Could you type this out
for me? Rather urgent!” it read. He thought of adding a rude suggestion, but desisted, and
left it attached to his chapter on the Secretary’s desk.

Pleased with himself, he wandered out into the fresh air of evening, but it did not take him
long to forget about his book and concentrate on his evening with Fiona. His wardrobe in his
room in the Hall of Residence contained many black clothes, and he was deciding on a
fitting combination when he heard a noise behind him.

He turned to see the door open. But it was not Fiona as he hoped, nor Alison as he half
expected. Instead, it was the tall man he had seen the day before, following him. The man
walked toward him and knocked him unconscious with one powerful blow.

He awoke to find himself lying on a carpet that smelled of urine, and turned to see his
attacker standing by a window whose panes were broken. Near him, a bald man stood
smoking a cigarette. He was much smaller in stature than the other man, and his face
reminded Colin of a toad. The glare from the bright light hurt Colin’s eyes and he shook his
head.

“He’s awake,” he heard a voice say. Then he was hauled to his feet.

Dramatically, the toad-faced man put on black leather gloves.

“Someone,” he sneered as Colin was pushed toward him, “wants to teach you a lesson.”

“You what?” Colin said, feeling his mouth go dry and stomach churn.

The man grinned, flexed his hands menacingly and moved closer. “I am going to enjoy this!”
he said.

Outside, there was a sudden sound of breaking glass, and a drunken shout.

“Ger up!” the drunken man helped his companion to his feet. Then he peered into the
window at Mickleman. “What you doin’?” he asked, smiling insanely, his bushy beard wet
from beer. He drank from the bottle in his hand.

“We’ll deal with you later,” the toad-faced man said to Colin.

Colin was pushed to the ground as his would be assailants ran away. When he stood up,
the two drunken men had gone as well, and cautiously and nervously, he walked into the
darkness outside.

The house stood on a decaying Estate and appeared to be newly wrecked, but Mickleman
wasted no time and was soon walking briskly toward the city centre. No one followed him,
and he stopped awhile beside a busy road, pleased to find his pipe and tobacco in the
pocket of his jacket. The ritual calmed him and he walked on into the centre of the city to
find a bus to take him back toward the comfort of the University.

It was nearing nine o’clock when he returned to his room, and he sat at his desk, smoking
his pipe, trying to understand his abduction. All he could think of was Bryn. Somehow, he
had hired them. This conclusion did not please him, and he was shaking as he left his own
room to find Bryn’s. But Alison’s brother was not in his Hall of Residence, and Colin resisted
the temptation he felt to break down Bryn’s door.

He was sauntering back to his own room when he remembered his assignation with Fiona,
and as he stood waiting outside the Lyons Hall for the concert to end, it occurred to him that
Storr might be responsible for his abduction. But the thought was ludicrous, and he forgot
about it. Instead, he spent his waiting trying to find epithets to describe Magarita’s body,
particularly her large breasts. He wanted his epithets to be as crude as possible, and the
more clichéd the better, since this naming was for him an affirmation of his superiority. But
he had not progressed very far when the audience began to leave the Hall.

Fiona was not among them, and he stood among the shadows for some minutes after the
last person had departed before returning to his room. But he was not happy, sitting alone
at his desk. Magartia seemed glad of his telephone call, and he lurked by the road in black
clothes, clutching his camera, to await her arrival.

He did not see Edmund watching him from the walkway above the road.

VIII

It was approaching the twilight hours when Alison left the University in the company of
Edmund’s friend. She had been glad of the invitation, and readily accepted Edmund’s
second offer.

She sat beside Magnus in the Land Rover, her small suitcase in the back, watching the
scenery as it passed. Occasionally, Magnus would turn and smile at her and she would
return his friendly gesture. Magnus was a big man with a full beard, and Alison found
something reassuring in his size and his cheerful eyes. Magnus’ farm was small, and
although its position among the Hambleton Hills at the southern end of the North Yorkshire
moors was not ideal, it was sufficiently isolated to afford the privacy Magnus and his wife
deemed essential.

The Land Rover climbed the steep hill to Bank Top easily and, in the dim light, Alison found
the scene enchanting. It seemed magical to her to be rising above the plain north of the city
of York and to have the moors ahead, in the spreading darkness. A car passed them,
descending the hill carefully, and Magnus drove off the main road to travel through a
plantation of trees. The narrow road he had taken gradually levelled out, and Alison could
see to her left and below, the headlights of a vehicle as it was driven along beside the
boundary of the moors.

It was dark when they reached their destination. Inside the stone farmhouse was warm.

“Welcome! My name is Ruth,” a woman with a shawl around her shoulders said in greeting
as Magnus led Alison toward the log fire.
Alison smiled. In the dim light cast by the fire she found it easy to believe Ruth, and the
house itself, belonged to an earlier age.

“It’ll be a cold night,” Magnus said as he warmed his gnarled hands by the fire.

“Alison, is it?” Ruth asked her.

“Yes.” Alison replied.

“Well, sit you down! Food won’t be long.”

They left her alone as she sat bathed in the warmth and the restful light of the fire, and
Alison felt an urge to write a letter to Colin. But the house worked its magick upon her, and
she soon fell asleep. Ruth awoke her, and she made her way to where the table was spread
full with food.

“Sorry about the candles,” Magnus said.

“I think it’s lovely!” Alison said with sincerity.

“Haven’t got round to electricity – yet.”

She sat on the bench beside Ruth, but they did not say grace before their meal as she had
expected. The conversation during the meal was minimal, and she was glad when Ruth
showed her to her room. It was sparsely furnished, like the house itself, but warm from the
small coal fire, and she set the lighted candles by her bed before taking her small cassette
player and headphones from her case.

It was some time before she began to write.

“My dear Colin,

Darkness has already fallen as I listen to Bach’s Matthew Passion – crying at the
beauty and haunting sadness of some of the music. Aware also, as I listen, of a
loneliness because there is no one here with me to share these moments. All I can do
is dare to write to you, keeping the memory of these moments to perhaps mould them
at some future time into words spoken when we are together again. Or, perhaps, I
might this once let them become the genesis of some music of my own.

Now I sit with the light of a candle to guide my pen, unaware of my future – the
darkness beyond my closed window seems mysterious: a mystery, which once and
not long ago would have held the numinosity of myths and legends.

The darkness, outside, may have gone – changed by technology, by artificial light,
but perhaps (or so it seems at this moment to me) it has returned to within us. There
seems nothing to fear outside that the lights of technology and the reason of scientific
explanation cannot dispel. Yet so few seem to see the blackness within – which even
two thousand years of a powerful allegory has not changed. I mean, of course, the
story of the “Passion” - of a kind of innocence betrayed. The actors, their names,
changes every year… I wonder if you will understand what I mean.

It seems to me that all great Art uplifts and offers us the possibilities of existence.
That ecstasy of experience where we are a unity of passion and reason – where life
is constantly renewed and made vital. Bach reminds me of this insight – as a hot
summer day can when no cloud obscures the beautiful blue of the sky and we
become again, for just that day, children again. Once, it seems a long time ago now, I
believed that love between two individuals should and could bring us this awareness,
this understanding where answers to all our problems are found: not because we
ignore them, but because our love conquers all. ‘A shameless romantic’ I hear you
say.

But now experience seems to have dimmed this vision of mine. Through music and
other things (music particularly) I have been transported to other planes of existence,
and this has made my personal relationships difficult because I have tried to capture
the bliss of those other places in moments with others. This has made me intense –
and perhaps difficult because I could often not express in words what it was that I
wished: in a relationship, in life.

I would like to believe that you offer me, through love, a beginning. But I know that
this can never be. Maybe in music, in performance and creation, I will find my answer.
No doubt you will continue to be you, safe within your own frame of reference. As to
me, I expect the future to be full of discovery: a discovery of both joy and sadness.
 With love,

Alison”

She felt happier, having written the letter and re-read it several times, glad that she had
been able to express in words the feelings that had haunted her for so long. But she knew
she might lack the courage to post the letter. She turned off her music and lay on the bed,
listening to the silence. Nothing stirred, not even outside and as she lay, hearing the beating
of her own pulse within her ears, she began to realize that it would be better for her if she
did not see Colin again. He was her past. So thinking, she rose to delete some words from
her letter, making ‘when we are together again’ illegible.

The candle was nearly spent, and she blew it out to fall asleep in the silent darkness.

It was late next morning she awoke. The house was deserted, but she found food awaiting
her on the table. No one came to greet her and she ate slowly before walking into the
gardens. The morning mist had almost completely dispersed, revealing a bright sun, which
had begun to spread its warmth.

There were few flowers to colour the scene, for the gardens were productive ones given
over to vegetables, soft fruit and an orchard. Alison found a bench abutting the brick wall
that screened the garden from the yard and the clustered farm buildings behind the house,
and she sat awhile, letting the sun warm and relax her. She was nearly asleep when a
sheepdog came and lay down near her feet.

Magnus’ voice startled her. “He don’t take to many people,” he said.

Alison patted the dog’s head. “Is there any work I do to help?” she asked.

“There is no shortage of work, here,”

“I’d like to do something.”

“Thought you had come for a holiday.”

“Just a break from things. I’d like to help out.”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

“Yes.”

“The onions need weeding and thinning.”

The day passed quickly for her, although by late afternoon her enthusiasm for the back
straining work had disappeared. Their lunch had been frugal – soup with plentiful bread –
and she was beginning to feel both hungry and tired.

“You ready to eat?” Magnus said as he came toward her.

“Yes, indeed!”

“Didn’t expect you to do all this,” Magnus said as he surveyed her work.

Alison smiled, and scraped dirt from her hands.

“You go in, I’ll tidy up,” Magnus said. “Got some friends coming over,” he added as she
began to walk away.

To her surprise she found the kitchen full of people, and children.

“This here is Alison,” Ruth said by way of introduction, “she’s staying for a while.”

“Hello!” Alison said, and blushed.

“That’s Tom,” Ruth said indicating a small unshaven man in worn clothes who smiled in
reply, showing his broken teeth. “And Mary.” Mary, a large lady with a young and cheerful
face deeply weathered, came and embraced Alison, much to Alison’s embarrassment. “And
John.” John, sallow faced and stocky, raised his battered hat in greeting. “And Wendy.”
Wendy, a tall thin woman with long straight hair, smiled at her briefly before admonishing
her children. “Leave that alone!” she shouted to her small son who was trying to remove the
lid from the metal milk pail on the floor. “And Lucy – stop that!” She dragged her daughter
away to stop her kicking her brother.

“There is plenty of hot water,” Ruth said to Alison, pointing to the sink.

Alison was washing her hands when Magnus entered the room. He took the now crying
Lucy into his arms, scooped up her brother and carried with him before setting them down
near the fire. They were staring at him expectantly, and Alison came to sit near them,
enchanted by the sudden change in their demeanour and glad to be away from the others.

Magnus began his story. He told how Thrym the Giant stole Thor’s hammer Mjollnir as a
ransom in order to make Freyja his wife; of how Loki, the Sly One, persuaded mighty Thor
to dress as a woman in order to deceive Thrym.

“And so mighty Thor disguised himself as a woman, pretending to be Freyja who

Thrym wanted as a bride. Thrym the Giant sat waiting in his draughty Hall. ‘They are
coming! They are coming’ his giant servants shouted as the guests from Asgard
arrived.

“Thus Thor entered the Hall which Thrym and his servants had lain with food and
drink, for the wedding feast. It had been a long journey from Asgard and Thor was
both hungry and thirsty. So he ate and drank. He ate a whole pig and then six whole
salmon. He drank a gallon of mead.

“Thrym the Giant was amazed. ‘What appetites,’ he shouted. ‘What a woman! Let us
hope,’ he said to one of his giant servants, her other appetites are as good!’ And
Thrym the Giant laughed, a laugh so loud it rocked the whole Hall and loosened
some of the planks of the wall.

“So Thrym was eager to begin the ceremony of marriage and commanded Mjollnir,
Thor’s magical hammer which he had stolen, be brought forth. ‘I shall,’ he shouted,
‘swear my oath on Mjollnir as my bride shall.’

“So saying, the hammer was brought forth. And seeing it, Thor rushed forward and
 grasped it, tearing off his veil as he did so. His eyes were as red as his beard. There
was no escape for his foe, for one by one he split open their skulls with his hammer,
starting with Thrym the Giant until the whole floor of the Hall was littered with the
dead bodies of the giants who had dared to defy the gods of Asgard!”

There was a moment of silence, and then Lucy’s voice. “Another, tell us another!” the little
girl said eagerly.

Alison left them to change her clothes, a little disturbed by the tale she had heard. She was
in her room, listening to Vaughan Williams’ Sixth Symphony through her headphones when
she realized what had disturbed her. She thought the children too young for such a tale of
violence with it suggestion of sexuality. But the music gradually transported her to another
plane of existence, and she sat on the bed, listening. The sombre starkness of the Epilogue
made her cry and she rose to stand by the window and watch the rising moon. She became
aware of the coldness and isolation of Space – of the great distance which separated her
from the moon; of the even greater distances to the stars. She began to imagine worlds
circling the stars – worlds full of life, of people, alive with their own dreams, desires,
thoughts and problems. The very vastness of the Cosmos seemed suddenly real to her, and
she experienced an almost overwhelming feeling of greatness: of the Cosmos itself, and of
her own life. It was as though she glimpsed a secret. The stars seemed awesome and yet
thaumaturgic, and she felt a painful desire to travel among them, to explore the new worlds
that awaited. There would be so many new experiences, so many things to see, to learn, to
listen to. There was almost something holy waiting out there.

There grew within her then a desire to compose some music, something unique, which
would capture at least in some way the feelings she had experienced, and she in a frenzy
tore open her case to find pen and paper. Music filled her mind, a strange polyphony of
sound, and she wove it into reality through the written notes of her pen.

Then the inspiration died, and she found herself sitting on the bed in the dim light staring
down at the music she had written. She sighed then, for she understood what she had to do
about Colin and her own unborn baby.

As if to counterpoint her thought, a distant bell began to toll, echoing between the valleys
and the hills. Its sound was clear, and then distant, then clear again before it faded. It was a
medieval sound, and as she listened she remembered the remains of Rievaulx but five
miles distant and shrouded in a wooded valley. But the bell was real and not a dream, and
she stood by the window, listening.
There was a monastery, she recalled, somewhere in the valleys below. A modern
monastery replete with a Public School. A link between the past and the present. This
thought pleased her and she smiled. She was not to know that a young novice – full of a
youthful desire to return to ancient tradition – had, and against the Prior’s wishes, set in
motion the mechanism which would swing the six ton bell of Ampleforth Abbey, high in its
squat church tower, sending its hallowed sound miles out in remembrance of the monk who
had died that same hour. The novice wanted the whole monastery, and the School, to
cease, if only for an instant, their tasks and pray for the departing soul.

Had she known this, she would have approved, for the sound of the bell suddenly ceased,
leaving her disappointed.

IX

The air of early morning was warm, and Mickleman sat contently at his desk in his room, a
notebook beside him.

He sat for some time, watching the lake and vaguely thinking about his life until he began to
remember the years that had passed since his youth. He became a little sad, as he often
did when he reviewed the passing of the years by remembering the events of the same day
one year, then two, then three years ago until he had reached the years of his schooling.
‘What have I done since then?’ he would ask himself, and be displeased with the answer.

His self pity and melancholia lasted for several hours until he began to lay upon his desk his
secret collection of photographs. The photographs pleased him, and as he looked through
them his happiness returned.

It was nearing mid-day when he gathered up his notebook and pipe before returning his
photographs to the drawer of his desk. Perhaps his preoccupation with Fiona’s body or
Andrea’s shyness made him forgetful, but he did not lock his drawer, and wandered,
pleased with himself, out into the bright sun of the day.

Two young male students came toward him on creeking bicycles as he stepped onto the
path outside the Hall of Residence, their eager faces smiling. One of them carried a
haversack on which was painted: ‘Newton Calculates. Watts works. But Coles’ word is Law.’
Coles was the Professor of Physics. Mickleman smiled ruefully, and followed a small huddle
of students as they walked toward and over the bridge.

He was early for the Departmental meeting, and sat contentedly in the room smoking his
pipe until he could no longer resist the temptation to defile Storr’s charts. He added a few
extra dots to one, extended the line of another and flicked ink in an inconvenient spot on a
third. He was admiring his work when Lee entered the room.

Lee was not a tall man, his jerky movements seemed not quite coordinated, and he looked
older that his thirty-five years. His suit was not conspicuous, as he himself was not, and he
reminded Colin of a studious monk misplaced in a world which seemed to startle him.

Lee smiled nervously and then crept toward a chair, laying his voluminous notes and files
upon the table. His tutorial was only just over and, as he always did, Lee wrote an account
of it in order to assess his own performance. ‘A moderate success, for once,’ he wrote in his
notebook in his neat handwriting, ‘except regarding the questions about Heidegger. I must
do more background reading…’

He was still writing when Horton bustled in and took his usual seat by the window. From his
pocket he produced a copy of Iliad, in Greek, and was soon absorbed in his reading.

Soon, the room was full, Storr, squirming and smiling as he sat at the head of the table;
Whiting and Hill, near their master, Mrs. Cornish, next to Lee and smoking her small cigars.
And last of all, Fiona, who sat next to Colin, graciously smiling as if he had not missed their
assignation.

“Well, eh,” Storr said, looking around with evident satisfaction. “I’m sorry I had to rearrange
this meeting at such short notice. But as you are all aware, I am away next week and rather
than postpone next week’s meeting I decided to bring it forward. I was hoping to sound to
you all out about – “

The door opened, and they all turned to look.

“Ah, Timothy!” Storr said. “Glad you could join us.”

Timothy was the most junior member of the Department and Colin was not surprised by his
lateness or his manner of dress. He wore a mauve shirt, green trousers and shoes, and had
tied a mauve scarf around his neck.
“Sorry I’m late!” he smiled, showing his two gold-capped teeth.

“Just in time! Said Storr. “Jonathon – “ he smiled at Lee, “was about to talk about the audio-
visual equipment he had just, eh, taken charge of. A very valuable edition to our
Department. Yes indeed. Very valuable.

“Is that all?” Horton turned and glared at Storr.

“Sorry?” Storr said.

“You brought all of us here,” Horton continued, anger evident in his voice, “to waffle on
about audio-visual equipment!”

“Well, er, it is rather an important addition to our facilities if I may say so.”

“You have the audacity to – “ Horton began.

“Gentlemen, please!” Mrs. Cornish said in an attempt at mediation.

“There was something else on the agenda, Richard?” Fiona asked.

“Actually, no.”

“I see,” Mrs. Cornish said, disgusted.

“But I was going to mention finances – “ Storr muttered weakly.

Horton stood up. “You could not bear the thought of someone, namely myself, chairing the
meeting in your unmissed absence, I assume?”

Storr himself stood up. “You will withdraw that remark, of course.”
It was the nearest Colin has seen Storr to anger.

“May I suggest,” Colin said, “that those wishing to hear Jonathon stay, while those who wish
to leave do so. If there are any vital points which emerge, I am sure one of those who stays
would be willing to tell – “

“What a waste of time all of these perfidious meeting are!” Horton said and strode out of the
room.

To Colin’s surprise, Timothy followed him. Then Mrs. Cornish. Fiona smiled briefly at him
and then also left.

“Well, if you all will excuse me,” he himself said, and departed.

Fiona was waiting, as he expected, in the corridor.

“You were otherwise engaged, I imagine,” she said.

He thought of telling her the truth. But it was so unlikely she was bound to think it was a lie,
so he lied instead, not really believing she would believe it. “I was not feeling well and fell
asleep.”

He was watching her, waiting for her reactions, when he realized how much he desired her.
Her face showed no emotion, and it was this almost lofty indifference of hers that aroused
his ardour keenly.

“Perhaps the Owl’s nocturnal activities are too tiring?” she said, her face expressionless.

“I waited outside the Lyons Hall at the end of the concert”, he said, trying to salvage
something. “I’m sorry, I really am.”

“Cheetah’s One, Owls Nil,” she said and smiled.

She left him standing perplexed and a little shaken, and he walked slowly to his room in the
Department. He sat at his desk, vaguely wondering about Fiona and how he might best
approach her. Gradually, there grew within him the feeling that he was on longer the master
of his own Destiny, and this discomforted him, as his thoughts about Fiona did. He began to
doubt his own self-appointed role about revealing individuals to themselves and the world
while he, the puppet master, pulled their strings. But his self-doubt did not last. He
remembered Andrea, who would be waiting for him later in the day – another victim whose
soul he could lay bare; he remembered the Professorship, his philosophical work, his
spreading fame – and his child, growing within Alison’s womb.

He was smiling at these, his achievements, when someone knocked on the door of his
room. Without waiting for his response Elizabeth Cornish strode in.

“Ah! Glad I caught you!” she said. “The Professorial Board meets next week. The interview,
I believe, will be next Tuesday. There is an outside candidate.”

“So soon?” Colin said, surprised.

She smiled. “It was felt a swift decision was needed.”

“Do you know how many candidates there are?”

“Four, including yourself.”

“And the outsider?”

“Chap from Oxford. You have a tie, I presume?” she asked in her matronly voice.

“Yes.”

“Good form for you to be presentable.”

“Of course.”

Her smile was curt, and she retreated from his room briskly, the leather soles of her plain
shoes clacking against the floor.
For several minutes he sat at his desk before sidling into the corridor. In several of the
rooms lectures were in progress, and he stood listening to the muted words, which seeped
out to him. There was, he felt, an aura about them, for here, in his chosen Department, the
High Priestess and High Priest were at work, teaching their followers. The deities were
Truth, Reason, Feeling and Understanding, and each deity, according to the gospel of
Mickleman, was a goddess – or at least a woman. And he wanted to possess and master
them all.

These thoughts pleased him, and he spent the remainder of the daylight hours writing
steadily at his desk. His completed article also pleased him and he laid it aside to walk in
the twilight toward the Refectory. But a memory of Fiona drew him away.

He felt his desire for her keenly as he walked toward her house but a short distance from
the University. The village of Heslington was joined to the campus by a road, which had
sprouted red brick houses. Fiona’s dwelling was a small unprepossessing house along a
lane which led off from the road. The gardens, lawns and fences were all well tended, and
he was about to push open the gate when the front door was opened. Light from inside
gave him a view of Storr’s face, and he walked past, momentarily perplexed. But it was not
long before he turned to see Storr shambling away.

No sooner had Colin knocked on Fiona’s door that it was opened.

“Just passing?” she said and smiled.

She wore a thin dress, which left very little to the imagination.

“Not really.”

“Been watching long?”

“Sorry?”

She did not pursue the matter. “Come in,” she said.

She opened the door further for him and he stepped over her threshold, smiling as she
closed and locked the door. The house smelled of expensive perfume, as Fiona herself did,
and he breathed the scent in.

She stepped past him, but he did not move aside and she allowed her body to brush against
his. For a few moments he stared at her, and as he did so he thought her face bore a
striking resemblance to one of the women in Bruegel’s

‘Allegory of Lust’. But the impression was fleeting. He thought her beautiful and sexually
alluring and moved forward to kiss her lips.

“Not here!” she laughed, and walked slowly up the stairs to her bedroom.

He followed, fascinated by his desire.

The bedroom was all black and crimson and seemed luxurious to Colin.

“Take your clothes off.” She said as she sat on the edge of the large bed.

“What?”

“Your clothes – take them off.”

Then he saw it. In the corner of the room, a camera stood on a tripod, and in her hand Fiona
held the remote control release.

“I want to watch you,” she said, still smiling. She rummaged in a drawer by the bed. “And
then I want you to put these on.” She held out a pair of handcuffs.

Colin smiled, but she soon destroyed his fantasy. “On you,” she said, and laughed.

Her laughter, and this reversal of roles, confused Colin, and he stood, in the bright light, by
her bed unable to speak.

“Come on, don’t be shy,” she smiled. “What are you waiting for?” She dangled the
handcuffs in front of him.

When he still did not speak, she added: “Just a few photographs of you - in various poses.”

She rose to stand before him and, somewhat abased, Colin retreated from the room. She
did not follow him, and he could hear her laughter as he opened the door of the house to the
dark and cooling air.

The food did not interest him, but Colin sat at a table in the crowded Refectory eating
nevertheless while he listened to the chatter and clatter of the students around him.

He left his meal half-eaten to saunter toward the Bar in Derwent college, and he was soon
drinking himself into a stupor. The beer made his melancholia even worse and he sat
vaguely detesting the people who gradually filled the room with their noise.

“Hello!” Andrea said cheerfully. She was dressed all in black, an affectation which surprised
him, and he glowered at her because he thought it was his own copyright.

“Join me?” he said, holding up his glass but making no effort to rise from his seat.

When she returned he sat silently watching her sip her drink.

“A bit crowded, isn’t it?” she said, embarrassed by his silence.

He watched her lustfully. “I know what you need,” he said without any subtlety.

“Oh, yes?” She appeared to him to be only half-insulted.

“Someone to talk to.” He smiled as he savoured his first little victory. “It is never easy, is it?”
“What?”

“Sharing moments. Just when you think you understand someone – they surprise you.” The
alcohol was beginning to affect his thought, and he struggled to not let this show. “They
surprise you,” he repeated. “Usually with other people, betraying.”

Andrea thought of her own just broken relationship and began to be amazed at what she
saw as Colin’s insight.

“You thought you understood him,” he continued.

How could he know? She thought. Is it so evident on my face?

“Are you happy here?” he asked, then seeing her questioning face added, “here, at
University.”

“Sometimes.”

“What will you do? His pause was deliberate. “When you graduate?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe teach.”

She smiled a defensive smile which Colin divined and he forgot about trying to lay her soul
bare with the scalpel of his words, and leaned across the small table that held his many
empty glasses to grasp her hand in his own. She did not move away.

“Mind if I join you?” a voice asked above the babble around them.

Andrea jerked her hand away. On the lapel of his tweed jacket Fenton, their interloper, wore
a badge saying ‘Being Weird Isn’t Enough’.

Without being asked, he sat down. “Is this a philosophical discussion – or can anyone join
in?”
Colin looked at Andrea who looked at him. Fenton looked at them both and then said,
“That’s exactly my point! The academic study of morals is no guarantee that those who so
study are moral themselves. Won’t you agree, Dr. Mickleman?” Fenton gave an inane smile.

The Doctor of Philosophy took a long drink of his beer and then burped loudly.

“Ah!” Fenton exclaimed. “The existential viewpoint! I could not have put it better myself.” He
gestured toward Andrea. “And you, Mademoiselle? How would you, as a student of the
illustrious Dr. Mickleman, express your own desire for understanding?”

She looked at him angrily, then rose and left. Colin watched her push her way through the
crowded room and was about to follow when Fenton laid a restraining hand on his arm.

“I am in dread,” Fenton said, “that from all this silence something ill shall burst forth.”

Eh?”

“Sophocles.” He removed his hand.

“That antiquated Greek cretin!”

For some seconds they looked at each other, but Colin turned away before rising to follow
Andrea. He soon caught up with her as she walked along the path that took them turning
and down toward the light-shimmering lake. They did not speak but she limply held his hand
as it sought hers while they walked toward his room. His understanding had impressed her,
his eyes seemed to radiate a warmth, and she was lonely.

In his dimly lit room, the smell of pipe smoke and sweaty feet pervaded, and he was soon
kissing her and fondling her body. Only partly undressed, they lay on his bed, but his body
refused to obey his desire. This alcohol induced failure made him angry. As a remedy to try
and arouse his erection he began to beat her bare buttocks with his discarded shoe.

“Please, don’t!” she pleaded and began to cry.

Her utter helplessness appealed to him and, as his remedy began to take effect, he forced
himself upon her. But his desire did not last long and, satiated, he turned over to fall into an
alcoholic sleep.

She dressed while he slept. Her feelings in turmoil, she sat down at his desk. She would
write him a note, she thought, although she did not know what to write and in her search for
a clean sheet of paper and pen, she opened the drawer of his desk.

Among the photographs, she recognized Kate, and Magarita, and she carefully replaced
them in the drawer. Without feeling anything she silently stole out and away from the room.
Dawn was many hours away, as midnight itself was, and she wandered around the lake,
keeping to the shadows and avoiding the gaggles of students who passed in the still but
seldom silent night air.

Their laughter and their words were devoid of meaning for her. There was no one and
nothing she could trust. No boyfriend, parents, friends or tutor; no God. ‘I would have been
just one more sordid photograph,’ she thought as she walked slowly back to her own room,
wishing to cry but too full of discordant emotion to succeed.

XI

Alison frowned, but otherwise bore herself stoically as one who, having thought deeply
about a particular matter, had made a decision. She had surprised Colin by arriving to see
him early in the morning.

Bewildered, he sat hunched on his bed while Alison stood beside the window.

“Well?” he asked, chagrined at both being disturbed from his slumber so early and not
finding Andrea in his room.

“I’ve made a decision,” Alison announced.

“Oh yes?”
“I’m going to have an abortion,” she said without any preamble.

“What?” He remark awakened him.

“You heard.”

“But you can’t – “

“I thought I’d tell you now rather than later.”

“But I would help. Money, that sort of thing. You know that’s not what I want.”

“Who said anything about what you want?”

“But I’ll get you a Flat. Everything.”

“Too late,” she said.

He smiled at her then. But she divined his purpose. “And nothing,” she added, “you say or
do can make me change my mind. You’ll not wheedle you way into my affections again.”
Her hardness was only in part a pose. “Well, goodbye then. I doubt we shall meet again.”

She turned around and left him sitting on the bed. He sat still for a while and then suddenly
leapt up to find his clothes and dress himself. A faint mist shrouded the University and he
was half across the bridge outside his residence, straining to see ahead, when he realized
he had run in the wrong direction. He turned, and collided with a student carrying an armful
of books. He did not want to help but shouted a “Sorry!” to the fallen young man and
sprinted away along the path toward the car park behind the large Physics building. There
was a Land Rover leaving and he ran toward it shouting Alison’s name, but it steadily pulled
away and he was left to bend breathless and alone by the side of the running track. No one
saw him as he in anger kicked a post. He hurt his foot, and limped slowly back to his room.

Clarity of thought and release from the pain in his foot came slowly as he sat at his desk
smoking his pipe. The idea of a child, unwanted though it was at its conception, had pleased
him, but there would, he felt sure, be other opportunities, some woman to bear his children
and whom he might marry if she accepted his need for other purely physical liaisons.
Magarita, perhaps? She knew of his other liaisons and did not seem to care. But that, he felt
certain, would come in its own species of time. His concern now was the Professorship and
although Alison’s decision and departure saddened him, he was also a little relieved to be
free of what he had felt to be her cloying emotions. Thus was he satisfied with himself and
his world again. He made himself a strong brew of tea before departing for his office in his
Department.

A pile of mail awaited him in the Secretary’s Office, and he spent nearly an hour with her,
idling chatting and making rude suggestions. The Secretary, a youngish lady with a tender
face and richly coiffured dark blond hair given to slightly audacious and in some circles
fashionable clothes, did not mind, for she was recently and happily married. Colin’s
seduction of her was over a year away and for both it was part of their past. And when he
did finally peruse his mail in his own room, he was pleased to find a letter asking him for an
article from an academic journal he never read.

So he sat and wrote and read a little while the hours of the morning passed. Fenton was
late for his tutorial, and Colin calmly waited. Half an hour; an hour. But in his relaxed way he
did not care, and was even a little pleased, for last night Fenton had disturbed him. The
meaning of his words had not escaped Colin, inebriated though he was, and he began to
surmise that Fenton was too embarrassed to attend the tutorial as he began to believe that
Fenton, the avowed homosexual, was attracted to him. He felt this explained all of Fenton’s
behaviour, and was even a little pleased. Perhaps, after all, he had found the key to unravel
Fenton’s character. Still thinking these thoughts, he was surprised by Fiona who entered his
room without knocking.

He watched her carefully as she came to sit on the side of his desk. As was her habit, her
dress seemed to reveal rather than hide her body.

“Dinner, tonight?” she asked.

“Well – “

“Are you afraid of me?” she asked directly.

“What do you mean?”

“Of my strength.”
“I didn’t realize that you took steroids,” he said in an attempt to be clever.

It did not work. “I have some outfits which I think you would look very good in.”

“Oh yes?”

“Yes. Are you afraid to experiment then? And after all I’ve heard!”

“Such as?”

“Oh various things.”

The phrase startled him, for some reason he could not remember. But he did remember
feeling almost as startled by something Fenton had said to him, last night. He could not
remember what that was either. Fiona was staring at him while her lips were drawn into a
smile, and this perplexed him as well.

“Try it,” she said, “tonight. You might surprise yourself and have a good time..” She pursed
her lips. “I think we’d make a good combination – in bed.”

She smiled at him and then walked toward the door. “I’ll expect you about seven.”

Her perfume and presence lingered a long time, and he found himself unable to concentrate
on his work. His mind began to fill with erotic images and visions, and all of them involved
him and Fiona. It was these which persuaded him: he would go and meet her, confident that
he would be equal to any situation, and, in his anticipation and delight, he forgot about both
Andrea and Fenton.

Fenton had been with a party of his friends when he had seen Andrea pass in the night. He
caught sight of her face as she slowly walked under a lamp near the door to her residence.

“Come on,” a friend had urged him as he stood wondering whether to call out her name –
and he had gone with them to their rooms where music played and cups were filled with
wine. Soon the voices were raised to try to right all the political wrongs in the world.

“Worker’s Councils – that is what we need! It would show the bosses!” an enthusiastic
student said.

“But surely, democratic reforms,” another countered, “are the only viable means.”

“Bull! Revolution has been and still is the only answer.”

But Fenton remembered, as he listened, Andrea’s face. It had spoken to him, one soul to
another, one outcast to another. There was real suffering there which he felt no political
discussion would change, and he rose unobserved to take his leave.

“Go away!” a voice shouted in answer to his knuckle raps upon Andrea’s door.

“Leave me alone!” the voice said as he tried again.

“It’s me!” he said.

“Look!” an angry face said as Andrea opened the door, “I want to be left alone.”

Then there was not more anger in her face as she staggered back inside to collapse upon
the floor.

“Are you alright?” Fenton asked as he knelt beside her. Her room was brightly lit, very tidy
and very warm.

“Get your hands off me, you poof!” she said, slurring her words.

An empty bottle of whiskey lay on the floor, and he was about to leave when he saw a bottle
of barbiturate tablets. It was almost empty.

She peered at the container as he held it up. “Have you taken any?” he asked.
“Leave me alone. Want to sleep,” she said through half- closed eyes. She tried to speak
again but drifted into unconsciousness.

“Andrea! Wake up!” Gently, he held her head in his hands. “Have you taken any of these
tablets?”

She did not respond and he lifted her to lay her down on the bed. On the bedside table was
a letter, propped up against the lamp. ‘Dr. Colin Mickleman’ the writing on the envelope read.

‘Will you regret not having a photograph of me? I doubt it.’

Fenton read the note three times before placing it in his pocket and lifting Andrea into his
arms. He carried her along the corridor and down the stairs, oblivious to the two female
students who drunkenly laughed as he passed them by.

“You Tarzan, she Jane!” one of them said, and laughed again.

His car was small and some distance away, but he ran with his burden to lay her softly on
the back seat. His driving was fast as he raced toward the city. He nearly crashed once, as
he slewed the car into a corner, and once he had to stop to try to remember his way before
reversing to take another turning.

No one came to greet him or relieve him of his burden as he kicked open the doors to the
Casualty department of the Hospital.

“Please,” he pleaded to the woman behind the desk, “she’s taken an overdose!”

The waiting patients stared while, somewhere, a baby cried.

Then, there was a sudden rushing of white coats, blue uniforms and anxious faces.

“Wait here, will you?” a young woman said. And then a Nurse was asking: “Do you know
what she has taken?”
“Some tablet – and alcohol.”

“How long ago?”

“Not sure. Half an hour, perhaps. Will she be alright?”

No answer, only another person asking questions. The questioning nurse had a kindly face
and ushered him to a chair in the corridor. He gave her Andrea’s name and address, as well
as his own.

‘You are students at the University then?” she asked. But her kindly smile did not change.

“Yes. Will she be alright?”

“I should think so, yes. They’ll pump her stomach out. She’ll be drowsy for a while and sleep.

“Can I see her?” He saw the look on the young girl’s face and was about to correct her
natural assumption when he said instead, “I’m sorry for all the trouble.”

“That’s what we are here for.”

“Can I see her?” he asked again.

“In a while, probably.”

She left him, and he was suddenly aware of his surroundings, of voices, near and distant, of
people walking past. A telephone ringing. He sat for a long time.

“Mr. Fenton?” a Doctor asked. The pockets of his white coat bulged with pens, a
stethoscope, a small compendium about drugs.

“Yes.” He stood up.

“You can see her now.” They walked together toward a cubicle.

“Is she alright?”

“Yes, fine. We’ll keep her in overnight. Just for observation. I should think she will sleep
most of tomorrow.” He nodded curtly, then walked away to disappear behind a curtain.

Andrea lay on her side, covered by a sheet and an thin blanket, an intravenous infusion
supplying fluid through a needle in the back of her hand. She did not stir as he did not try to
wake her, and he stood beside her for what seemed a long time.

“She’ll be alright.” The Nurse who questioned him said as she passed. “We’ll be moving her
onto the ward soon. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you wanted to call and see her in the
morning.”

He returned her smile, and left to wander back into the night, and it took him several
minutes to realize his car had been stolen. In his haste, he had left the door open and the
keys in the ignition.

XII

It was a long walk back to the University, but Fenton did not mind. He had reported the theft
before setting out into the cold, sodium-lit darkness. But he was soon warm, despite being
without a jacket, and by the time he reached his room he had decide on his plan of
campaign.

His sleep was brief, if sound, and he ate a small breakfast in the refectory before boarding a
bus for the city. The Ward Sister was helpful and kind, and let him briefly sit by Andrea’s
bed while, around him in the busy ward, Student Nurses made beds while they chatted.

“Thank you,” Andrea said, and weakly held his hand as she tried to keep awake.

“I haven’t told anyone yet,” he said, embarrassed by her gesture.

“There was a letter.”

“I have it, it’s alright.” He withdrew his hand and made to search his pockets, but it was just
an excuse to remove his hand from her. “I must have left it in my room.”

“You know, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Such a stupid thing to do!” She tried to smile. “I was so fed up. You won’t tell him, will you?”

“No,” he lied and turned his face away.

“You’re very kind.” She held his hand again.

In embarrassment, he stood up. “I’ll call again this afternoon. Is there anything you want?”

“They discharge me today. The Doctor is coming to see me later this morning.”

“I’ll telephone the Ward to ask. Do you want me to come and meet you if you are
discharged?”

“That would be very kind.”

“Not at all.”

“You’re a strange man,” she said gently.

He smiled in response and walked back down along the long line of beds.

His visit to the Police Station to confirm the theft of his vehicle was brief, but he lingered in
the centre of the city, watching people, drinking tea at a café and browsing in a bookshop. It
was past midday when he returned to the University.
Colin was in his room, in the Department, smoking a pipe and scribbling.

“Come in!” he said cheerfully. Then, seeing Fenton, he added, “bit late, aren’t we?”

Calmly, Fenton sat down opposite him.

“Black seems an appropriate colour,” Fenton said, alluding to Colin’s manner of dress.

“Shall I,” Colin responded, quoting, “entrust myself to entangled shadows?”

“Perhaps,” Fenton retorted, unsmiling, “I shall do violence to your person.”

Colin gaped, then squinted, trying to find a clever response. But Fenton calmly handed him
Andrea’s envelope and note.

“From Andrea,” Fenton said. “She tried to kill herself – last night.”

This was something beyond the Owl’s comprehension, but he strove to understand it, and
the strain showed on his face.

“Is she – “ he began.

“Don’t worry – she’ll be alright.”

“How?” The strain was lessening, but anxiety had begun.

“Overdose. Luckily, I found her in time.”

“You?”

“No one else knows. Yet.”

Colin came to several conclusions, almost at the same time.

Fenton let him suffer. “Of course,” he said with apparent indifference, “a scandal at this time
would do your chances of obtaining the Professorship no good.”

For a few seconds, the Owl gaped in horror at one of his own conclusions. The he shivered
in revulsion. Was he about to be blackmailed into a homosexual encounter?

Fenton sighed, as he saw the perplexity and horror evident on Colin’s face. “Don’t judge
everybody by your own standards,” he said. “Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’ve no
moral standards.”

“Sorry?”

“I know what you were thinking. And you were wrong. I have no intention of telling anyone
anything – unless Andrea wishes it. She and she alone will decide. And shall I tell you
something else?”

Colin was not sure whether he wanted to know. But he said nothing.

“There was a time when I fancied you,” Fenton continued. “You had an aura of genius about
you. But so cold – so little real humanity. I know you dislike me. Not because I’m gay – but
because I see through your pose. What is beyond that pose? Is there anything?”

He took the note and envelope, which Colin had left on his desk and walked over toward the
door. Outside, in the quiet corridor, he stood shaking for several minutes. He disliked the
anger he had felt toward Colin and walked quickly down the stairs and out in the freshness
outside. Ragged cumulus clouds sped swiftly below the blue of the sky, carried on the rising
wind, and Fenton tore Andrea’s note in small pieces as he walked, casting them into the
lake from a bridge. He watched them as they sank, bopped or floated away. Around him,
the University pulsed with life.

He did not have long to wait in the corridor of the Ward. Several of the beds were screened
by their curtains and he was idly wondering why when Andrea, dressed in her clothes of the
night before, came slowly toward him. She smiled on seeing him leaning against the wall,
and then broke into a run to hug him strongly. He held her body feebly by one hand while
she clung to him, and then edged away.

“I’ve got a taxi waiting,” he said while a passing Nurse smiled at them.

“You are kind,” Andrea said and held his hand briefly. “Sorry I embarrassed you,” she
whispered.

They did not speak again as they walked the short distance to the entrance to enter their
waiting carriage and be conveyed along the traffic filled roads to the campus. But every few
minutes Andrea would turn and glance at his face as if trying to measure his feelings. But
his face betrayed no emotion.

He walked with her to her room, and stood outside as she opened the door.

“Please,” she said almost pleading, “I’d like you to come in.”

She lay on her bed while he sat, awkwardly, on the chair by the small study desk.

“I feel like I could sleep for a week, she said, and yawned.

Instead, she rested her head on her elbow as she looked at him. “Have you still got the
note?” she asked.

“I threw it away.”

“Good.” Then she sighed. “You know, I’m not depressed any more. When I woke up this
morning and saw the sunlight streaming through the window I was happy. There was this
woman in the bed next to mine – did you see her? – who’d had most of her bowel cut out.
They were very kind to her, the Nurses, but

you could see she was dying. I felt so ashamed, being there. Do you mind if I talk?”

”Of course not.”

“What will happen?” she asked softly. “About last night, I mean?”
“Nothing, I imagine. Unless you want to tell anyone.”

“No, of course not. Not even – “

“I’ve told him.”

She was not certain whether she was pleased or upset. “And?” she said, hesitantly.

“He’ll keep quiet, I imagine.”

“I’ll have to leave the University,” she said sadly.

“Do you really want to?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“I can’t face him.”

“I’ll be with you in lectures.”

She smiled at him. “You’re very sweet. But he is my personal tutor.”

“Change to someone else. It happens.”

“What could I say? What reason could I give?”

It was Fenton’s turn to smile. “With his reputation, you don’t need a reason.”
She thought for a while, and then said, “I just couldn’t bear it, seeing him.”

“Imagine what he would feel like, seeing you.”

Andrea laughed. “I can’t believe I was so stupid, last night.”

“In the midst of many, it is easy to be alone.”

“You know, I always thought you were so reserved. Aloof. Even a bit arrogant. But you’re
not, are you? You’re really kind.”

“You’ll have me blushing in a moment.”

“You’re not like other men.” Then realizing what she had said, added, “I’m sorry, I didn’t
mean – “

“It’s alright. I don’t keep it a secret. Anymore.”

“I mean you’re – for a man – oh, I’m not saying this right!” she finally said in exasperation. “I
mean I can actually talk to you. You understand.”

“And I am no threat,” he smiled in self-mockery.

She began to feel that she would not have minded if he were. She would feel safe, in his
arms, with the world shut out. But she said nothing and even tried to hide her feelings so
that they would not show in her face and eyes. She wanted to be strong and self-reliant, not
depending on men for her emotional security, but she did not know how to begin. She
remembered the father she saw only twice a year, her sisters leaving school early to work
while she studied, always alone in her life. Her always-disastrous relations with men. Her
need for love seemed to drive them away.

“There’s a strength in you,” she finally said. “An inner strength. I feel better just being with
you. Can we be friends?”

He gave a crooked smile. “I thought we already were.”

She jumped up to kiss him, then decided against it. The sudden movement made her feel
dizzy and she lay down on her bed again.

“You ought to get some rest,” he said with concern.

“Yes, I suppose so.” She smiled at him as she sat up. “I’ll get into bed, if you don’t mind.”

“Er, no. I was just going,” he said as he nervously stood because she had begun to remove
her clothes.

“Please,” she said, half-pleading and half-seductively, “stay and talk to me for a while.”
Naked except for her panties, she got into bed.

“Well, actually –“ he began.

“Please, just for a few minutes.”

He sat down again.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” she asked.

“Depends on the question!”

“Have you ever been with a woman?” she asked impulsively, surprised at her own audacity.

“I really ought to go,” he said as he stood up again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.” She suddenly realized that she did not want to be
alone. “Look, I’ll be honest with you, Carl. I need to be with somebody at the moment.”

“But I can’t – “
“Just hold me, please.” There was no longer any tone of seduction in her voice or manner,
just a pleading, a helplessness, and she began to cry, slowly and almost in silence.

He went to set beside her on the bed, and she clung to him, her tears wetting his shoulder
and drawing forth from within her some of the sadness and misery she felt. Her tears were
the rain from the clouds which had come to pass over the sun of her joy, and it was minutes
before the dark clouds retreated. She curled up, then, in the warmth of her bed, and closed
her eyes to sleep. He brushed her cheek dry and briefly kissed it before leaving her to the
silence of her room.

XIII

There were no meetings, lectures or tutorials to fill Colin’s afternoon, but he could not settle
down to his writing. He spent an hour wandering around the University library, but neither
the books nor some research he needed to do interested him, and he wandered the campus
in search of Magarita.

But she was not in her office, and he returned to his room in the Hall of Residence. But he
soon became listless and bored. Fiona troubled him, as Andrea and Fenton did, and as he
wandered for the third time around the campus, he began to realize he was alone. There
was no one with whom he could share his secrets; no one with whom he could talk without
assuming the mask of his role. He thought of Edmund, and it took him over an hour of
diligent and then frenzied searching in the piles of old letters, manuscripts and papers that
littered parts of his room before he found an address.

There was a grimy public telephone kiosk in a gloomy corner of Derwent college between
the lavatories and the Porter’s prison of glass, and he was approaching it when a crowd of
students came toward him, babbling. One of them, a brightly dressed young lady with frizzy
hair, waved at him, and he waved back. She smiled, and then was sucked away within the
crowd. He had no idea who she was, and shrugged his shoulders. Inside the soundproof
booth, graffiti declared: ‘Jesus Saves, Moses Invests, But Buckby spends it all.’ Buckby was
the Treasurer of the University.

His efforts were to no avail. There was no telephone number under that name, the
discordant voice emanating from the receiver had said. Disgruntled, he wandered back to
his bedroom. It was then he realized the drawer that contained his photographs was
unlocked. Had Andrea seen them? Was that the meaning of her cryptic message?

Suddenly, it seemed his world was in chaos. There would be no Professorship, only
rumours about his photographs, about Andrea’s attempted suicide. For a few moments he
panicked. But calmness eventually came, although the pains he felt in his stomach
remained. The ritual of cleaning and filling and lighting his pipe aided his thinking, and by
the time he had smoked his fill he was certain neither Andrea or Fenton would compromise
him. Yet a slight uncertainty remained, seeping down into his unconscious. Secure again in
the confines of his world, he lay on his bed reading academic books.

It was nearing five o’clock in the evening when he left his room, no longer able to resist the
temptation of visiting Andrea. He needed to know how she felt - what she would do. The
hours of his reading had brought light rain to the outside world, and sheen of wetness
pervaded the buildings and the paths which were entwined around them. It was only a short
walk to the building which housed Andrea’s room, which pleased him, since he so disliked
rain.

It was Fenton who opened Andrea’s door.

“She doesn’t want to see you,” Fenton said.

“Who is it?” a faint voice said.

“The esteemed Dr. Mickleman.”

“I’ll get dressed. Tell him to come back in a few minutes.”

Fenton smiled ruefully at Colin and then shut the door. Colin waited outside for the allotted
span, and then knocked on the door again.

Fenton, adopting the pose of a deferential butler, bowed slightly and in a disdainful accent
said, “Madam will see you now, sir.” He moved aside while Colin entered, then closed the
door.

“How are you?” Colin asked Andrea as she sat on her bed. She was demurely dressed, but
Fenton’s presence, the disordered bedclothes, the discarded female underclothes on the
floor, perplexed him.

Before Andrea could answer, Fenton said, “As well as might be expected under the
circumstances, sir.”

Colin ignored him. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked her.

“With all due respect, sir,” Fenton said, continuing with his accent and his role, “I believe
you have done quite enough already. May I therefore respectfully suggest you return to your
lucubrations? Shall I show the gentleman out, Madam?”

Andrea giggled.

“Very well Madam if that is what you wish.” For Colin’s benefit he gestured toward the door.
“This way, sir, if you please. Terrible weather, isn’t it? For the time of year.”

Colin was beginning to become annoyed. “Can I talk with you alone?” he asked Andrea.

Andrea affected her own accent and role. “Be so good,” she said to Fenton, “as to leave us.”

Fenton bowed. “As you wish. If Madam is quite sure.”

“Quite sure.”

“I shall be directly outside, should you at any time require my assistance.” He flicked
imaginary dust from his imaginary livery.

Colin waited until he and Andrea were alone. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“What will you do?”

“About what?”
“Does anyone else know?”

“Don’t worry,” she smiled. “I shall not make a fuss.”

“I didn’t mean – “

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Pardon?”

“At the lecture. On Kant’s aesthetics isn’t it?”

“Er, yes.” He did not know what else to say and stood immobile with his arms hanging limply
by his side.

Andrea rose to open the door, and as it was opened Fenton sprang into the room. But he
quickly resumed his role.

“The gentleman,” Andrea said, acting again, “is just leaving.”

“Very good, Madam. This way, sir.” Fenton gestured toward the corridor. Colin was at the
top of the stairs when Fenton, as Fenton, said, “If I were you, I’d leaver her alone from now
on.”

Andrea was sitting on her bed when he returned to her room.

“I was shaking and trembling,” she admitted, “seeing him again. I’m glad that’s over. I don’t
know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here.”

Reverting to his role, he said, “Your servant, Madam.”

She threw her pillow playfully at him, and then looked at her discarded underclothes on the
floor. “Do you think he thought – “ she began.

“Probably!”

They both laughed. She wanted to embrace him, but all she did was rest her head in her
hands and sigh.

“Some friends of mine,” Fenton said in an effort to comfort her, “are having a party tonight.
Would you like to come?”

“Not really. I’m not in the mood.”

“Well, when I say ‘party’ it’s not exactly the right word. Just a quiet get together.”

“Thanks, but no.”

“It’s sort of an informal gathering of the GaySoc.”

“Sorry?”

The Gay Society.”

“Sounds like the title of a thirties musical.”

“Maybe it was. Anyway, they’ll be some women there. It’s not all men. There’s someone
there I’d particularly like you to meet.”

She thought for a while, then said, “I don’t really think it would be my scene.”

“We are not all weirdoes you know.”

“I didn’t say you were. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Do I look offended?”

“No.”

“It would be good for you to get out – meet people.”

“I’m not really a gregarious person.”

“Look, I’ll tell you what. I have to go – for some silly reason I let myself be talked into
running the thing this year. But afterwards we can go out for a meal, just you and I.”

“You don’t have to take pity on me, you know.”

“Is that what you think?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“I’m asking you as a friend.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Alright, then – but I’m not sure I feel like eating much.”

“Doesn’t matter. Now you ought to get some more rest. Will you be alright?”

“I won’t do anything silly, if that’s what you mean.”

“No it was not what I meant. I meant I’ll stay and talk to you if you like.”

“I’ll be fine. I do still feel tired. You’ve done more than enough.”

“I’ll be back about six then.”

“Fine.”

He had opened the door to leave when she said, “You are very kind.”

Fenton shrugged his shoulders. “What are friends for?”

^^^^^^^

Fenton was over half hour late.

“Sorry!” he said as an anxious Andrea opened her door. “I fell asleep.”

Andrea wore a tight jumper and close-fitting trousers and even Fenton noticed that she was
wearing no bra, for her nipples stood out quite prominently. Fenton was dressed as he
almost always was in tweed jacket and trousers. Only the colour of his shirts and his badges
varied. His small but brightly coloured badge declared: Laugh Now, But One Day We’ll Be In
Charge.

“Are you ready,” he asked unnecessarily.

“Lead on!”

The gathering was held in the first floor room of one of the colleges. The chairs were low
and comfortable, the décor modern but subdued. The blinds were drawn to cover the
window and one table was spread with glasses, bottles of wine and cans of beer. Of the
nine students, three were women. They did not turn to stare as Andrea and Fenton entered,
and Andrea was surprised to find that all of those gathered in the room looked and dressed
like ordinary students.

Fenton saw her surprise. “What did you expect?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “They all look so normal.”

He adopted an effeminate pose. “Well to tell you the truth dear, we are. It’s the others who
aren’t!”

She cuffed him playfully on the ear with her hand.

“Come on,” he said, “I’ll introduce you.” He walked toward a tall woman with startling blue
eyes and very short black hair. “Julie,” he said to her, “this is Andrea.”

“Hi,” Julie said, and held out her bony hand.

Andrea blushed, held the proffered hand briefly, and said, “Hello!”

“What are you studying?” Julie asked her.

“Philosophy. And you?”

“Physics. Can I get you a drink?”

“Orange juice – if there is one.”

“We’ll see!” As she passed Fenton, Julie whispered in his ear. “Pretty, isn’t she?”

She was not away long, and Andrea clutched her glass nervously while she and Julie stood
on the edge of the conclave. Fenton moved away to talk to the others.

“What made you choose York?” Julie asked her.

“The course, mainly.”

“Do you like music?”

“It’s alright.”
“I just love Classical, myself. Now Carl – well! His taste runs to that horrendous noise he
calls ‘Progressive’. Personally, I would say ‘regressive’ – back to the primitive.”

She laughed at her own joke. “But enough of me – tell me about yourself.”

Andrea sipped her orange juice, and looked at Carl. He was obviously at ease, among
friends, and his laugh made her feel a little sad. “Are you in your first year?” she asked Julie.

“Heavens no! Only wish I were. Finals time! What made you chose philosophy?”

“Seemed a good idea at the time.”

“Are you liking it?”

“Yes and no.”

“We had a few lectures from a chap in your Department. On the philosophy of Science.
Can’t remember his name. Fancied himself, though. Tall chap – often wore black. Some
sort of gesture, I suppose. Typical arty-farty type. Do you know him?”

“Not really,” Andrea lied. She wanted to get away, to talk to Carl to leave the room. Julie
was smiling intently at her. “Have you any plans after your Degree?” she asked to hide her
embarrassment.

“Year off. Cycling across America, then Scandinavia.”

“You do a lot of cycling then?”

“Sure! I love it. You?”

“No. I am not very sporting.”

“You should try it! There’s a marvellous, simply marvellous, feeling about riding a bike –
such freedom. Just you, and your surroundings. You’re really in tune with your environment.
I love it – touring and racing, cycling at speed. You and the machine, a perfect harmony. All
your own effort and skill. Beautiful! I’ve a race – well, Time Trial actually – on Sunday.
Would you like to come?”

“Well, I was thinking of - “ she returned her gaze from Carl to Julie. There was something
about Julie’s earnest, youthful enthusiasm, which pleased her, and she smiled, envying her
vivacity.

“I’m afraid,” Julie was saying, “it starts rather early. Six in the morning actually. I’m off
number three – they always start the slowest riders first!” She laughed, again, rocking
slightly backwards on her feet and as she did so she lightly touched Andrea’s arm with her
hand. “It’s only twenty five though.”

“Sorry?”

“Twenty five miles. Fast course, though. I hope to do a One-Six.” Then seeing Andrea’s
obvious incomprehension, she added, “one hour, six minutes.”

“You mean,” Andrea said, astounded, “you cycle twenty five miles in just one hour and six
minutes?”

“More or less. I’m not as fast as some of the ladies, though.”

“That’s nearly – what?” she thought for a moment. “Twenty three miles an hour.”

Julie shrugged her shoulders. “Lots of ladies get under the hour.”

“You must be very fit.”

“Well, I do lots of training! It’s lovely to be out on the bike after hours of lectures or lab work.
Really relaxing. There’s only you, the bike and the road – everything else ceases to exist.
Marvellous for stress!”

“I doubt I could make it into the town on a bike.”

“Fancy a ride tomorrow? I’ve got an spare bike?”

“I’d only slow you down.”

”Nonsense! I like touring speeds as well.” She looked at Andrea’s body, letting her gaze
linger on her breasts. “You look fit enough. I’ve got a Flat in town. If you want to come round
about ten in the morning, say. I’ll give you the address.”

“Really, I –“

“No bother! Just a minute, I’ll borrow some paper and a pen.”

She returned with Carl, and scribbled her address on a crumpled sheet of paper. “I’ll look
forward,” she said as she gave it to Andrea, “to seeing you.” She turned toward Carl. “Got to
dash!” To Andrea’s surprise, Julie kissed Carl on the cheek, tousled his hair with her hand
and said, “You take care. Probably see you next week.” She waved at Andrea, smiled
warmly, and was gone from the room in a burst on energy. For a few seconds, Andrea
regretted her departure.

Then she was annoyed with herself. ‘I’m so fickle and immature,’ she thought.

“Come and meet the others.” Carl said to her.

“Can we go? I really not in the mood to be around people.”

“Of course. I’ll just say my farewells.”

He returned smiling and holding out some car keys. “Julian's lent me his car,” he beamed.

The car turned out to be an old Volkswagen laden with rust whose interior was sorely in
need of repair. But it conveyed them, albeit slowly, into the city centre. The restaurant Carl
had chosen was not expensive but the food was reasonable even if the service was slow
and the somewhat garish décor faded. But in the dim light it was easy to ignore.
Andrea settled for the soup while Carl ate, what seemed to her, a gargantuan meal.

“So you’ve arranged to see Julie again?” he asked.

“I let myself be talked into it.”

“She’s a bit like that,” he smiled.

“Is she -?”

“What do you think?”

“Silly question. God, I’m stupid! Why else would she be there!”

“I don’t think you are stupid,” he said gently.

“I must be! Shall I tell you something? No, on second thoughts, I won’t.”

“You can trust me, you know.”

She briefly held his hand. “I know.”

“You liked her, didn’t you?”

Andrea sighed. “Yes, I suppose so. But only because she showed an interest in me –
seemed to like me. I sometimes think I’m just a reflection of other people’s interest.”

“We all need to be liked.”

“But I seem to need others in a different way. Without them I sometimes feel I don’t exist at
all.”
“You just need someone to love you,” he said softly.

She cried then, not loudly or very much. “I know,” she said, almost as a whisper. “And I wish
it could be you.”

For some time he looked at her, not knowing what to say or do, and when he did speak, his
own emotion was evident in his measured words. “I’m sorry. But you will find someone. I
know you will. I do love you, as a friend.”

She turned away, then, to stare out of the window, her silent tears returning. Outside, in the
resurgent rain, people hurried along the pavement in the city-lit darkness, burdened with the
burdens of their worlds.

XIV

Such was Colin’s perplexity that, on leaving Andrea’s room, he did not notice the rain. It was
light, a mere drizzle to dampen clothes only with prolonged exposure, and he walked
through it along the campus paths to the streets beyond and thence to Fiona’s house.

He was early for his assignation, but she was not there and, disgruntled, he trudged back to
the University. No one disturbed him as he sat, alone in the Philosophy Department, in his
room, vaguely looking out from the window.

Tomorrow, he knew, he would see Andrea and Fenton at his lecture and this both pleased
and disturbed him, bringing discomfort to his stomach and pain to his head. He was pleased
because he wanted to show he was not concerned about their presence and secret
knowledge, and because he would then know what, if anything, they would do. Yet he was
agitated because that knowledge was another day away. He began, however, to prepare
himself. If necessity demanded it, he would say she was infatuated with him, and he spent
nearly an hour creating in his mind answers to any questions he might face.

Pleased with himself again, he issued forth from his office to walk briskly to Fiona’s house.
He was only a few minutes early and waited, leaning on her gate smoking his pipe. ‘I think
we’d make a good combination’ he remembered she had said, ‘in bed.’
He waited half an hour; then an hour, leaning against her fence, a nearby lamppost and her
door. He banged his fist against the door, stole a look through windows front and back, but
no one was seen or came, and it was another half and hour before, in disappointment, he
walked away. From his office he telephoned Magarita. But his recent experiences had done
nothing to change his habits, and in the bedroom of her almost city-centre and quite
artistically furnished flat, he resumed his manipulative role.

It was sad for Magarita that she loved him. She stood before him naked, her tawny hair held
neatly by a band behind her head and already he had remarked about her tendency to
plumpness. He held his camera ready.

“Go on!” he said, “just one of you sitting on the toilet.”

“No.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I just don’t want to, alright?” She had begun to frown, and made to grab her clothes..

“Come here,” he said, almost softly.

Reluctantly, she did. Then he was kissing her and steering her toward the bed. She
resisted, a little, but did not want to be alone and let him win again. Her ecstasy came slowly
and when it was over and she wished to lie warm and languid beside him resting her head
on his chest, he spoke to her again.

“Humour me,” he said and kissed her.

“Alright, then. But only one.”

He left shortly thereafter, clutching his undeveloped prize.

Sleep came easily to him on his own bed and he slept deeply until a disturbing dream
awoke him. He dreamed he was in Fiona’s bed, waiting for her to join him. She was a long
time, and he fell asleep. Then warm hands were caressing his body and genitals, arousing
him and he turned over to find not Fiona but Fenton, naked, beside him. Then Fenton was
guiding his hand, downward…. He awoke sweating and kicking his bedclothes onto the floor.

He did sleep again, but in spasms of half-conscious tiredness and deep perplexing dreams,
and when the hard, strident ringing on his clock alarm finally aroused him, he lay, tired and
yawning and disturbed. But the passing minutes faded his memory of the dream, until it
gradually slipped away from his conscious recollection. Outside, the sun glowed warmly,
and he rose to select from his untidy collection a recording of loud modern music.

Soon, he was ready for his day. He forsook the black clothes of his pose, choosing instead
a conventional ensemble replete with a silk bow tie. The effect pleased him and he smiled at
himself in the mirror.

He was not surprised to find Andrea and Fenton seated next to each other in the room
apportioned for his lecture. They did not smile or stare at him, but sat idly talking to those
around them, their notebooks and pens ready on the table before them, and he began to
wonder if it had all been some dream, for they appeared relaxed, at ease. But the feeling
passed. It had been real, and he himself began to tremble and sweat.

Then his own emotions faded, as he remembered the plan of his lecture. For he was, after
all, the master, they the disciples.

“Finally,” he said at his lecture’s end, “and in conclusion, you can say that Kant wished to
prove that aesthetic experience improves our lives: it makes or can make us moral beings.
In essence, that it its reason for existing. Any questions?”

“Yes,” Fenton said immediately. “So what you’re saying is that Kant’s aesthetics show the
value of things like Art resides in the moral realm?”

“Not exactly! I believe Kant hints – and I repeat only hints – that aesthetic experience
humanizes us. For example, in his ‘Solution to the Antinomy of Taste’ he – “

“Yes, but going on from there, what about the life of the artist – or indeed the philosopher.
Does their life have to be moral, in the conventional sense, for their works to be perceived
as sublime and thus contributing to an aesthetic experience?” Colin wanted to interject, but
Fenton continued. “If you, for example, study the lives of most of the great artists – and
some philosophers – you will find a certain turmoil, even moral turpitude. Then – “
“It is an interesting point,” he said, trying to smile. “But one not directly relevant to our study
of Kant.

“I think it is very relevant to aesthetics. Central to the life of the philosopher, in fact.”

“Perhaps you would like to study the matter further.”

“I would have thought you would have developed Kant’s – what did you call it? Hints? –
further.”

Colin looked around the room. “Any other points?” he asked.

Fenton said aloud, and to no one in particular, “it would make a good thesis – the lives of
philosophers in relation to their ideas. Is there a correlation between the humanity of their
teachings and the morality of their lives?”

“Perhaps,” Colin said with an elegant smile, “you should write a thesis about it – assuming
you pass your finals.”

“No,” Fenton said, screwing up his face into a gargoyle-like expression, ‘it’s a boring
subject. Much more important things to do.”

Gradually the students left. In the corridor, Colin heard talk and laughter. Was it about him,
he wondered? But no one stared at him as he walked to his office. He was inside, smoking
his pipe and glancing at Kant’s ‘Observations on the Feeling of the Beautiful and the
Sublime’ when a possible solution to what he saw as a potential problem occurred to him.
He had no diary or timetable to consult, for he despised dependence on such items, but he
know from memory that no engagements, lectures, tutorials or assignations would hinder
him, and he used his telephone to summon a taxi to convey him to his destination.

In his intense satisfaction, he rubbed his hands together and smiled.

XV
Andrea had made her excuses in a brief telephone conversation and it was with some
reluctance that she arrived at Julie’s Flat in the afternoon at the re-arranged time. The Flat
was part of an elegant Georgian building some distance from the centre of the city where a
road fed an incessant stream of traffic and a little piece of parkland opened wide. But inside,
there was only a perfumed silence, a clutter of books, furniture and bikes.

“The weather is just right! Julie said. “Do you want something to drink or shall we make a
start?”

“I’m fine.”

“Good! Here you are.” She pointed to a bike in the small corridor. “I’ve adjusted the saddle
height for you.”

“Thanks.”

Julie laughed. “Don’t look so worried! Right, if you want to lug that down, I’ll get changed
and be right with you.”

The cycle was lighter than Andrea expected, and she waited outside the front door of the
apartment feeling slightly conspicuous. Julie duly arrived wearing skin-tight cycling shorts
and jumper and carrying her gleaming bike. The shorts were black but the jumper was
bright and banded. ‘York Road Club’ was flocked in large letters on the back.

Soon, Andrea was regretting her acceptance. The roads they took led them after a few
miles beyond the limits of the city and, as houses gave way to hedges and fields, Andrea
was tired and sweating profusely. She judged their pace fast; although for Julie it was only a
slow dawdle.

“You alright?” Julie kept saying as she dropped back to ride beside her.

Andrea would nod, and smile, and turn the pedals faster in an effort to convince. But after a
few more miles even her pride could not make her continue. She dismounted to lean the
cycle against a field gate and sit herself on the ground. Julie returned to sit beside her.
“Here,” Julie said, giving her a handkerchief from a pocket of her jumper.

“Thanks.” She wiped the sweat on her forehead away.

“You look done in.”

“I am!”

“The sun is warm, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you take your cardigan off? You must be hot.”

Andrea looked at her suspiciously, but Julie laughed and said, “don’t worry! I’m not after
your body – nice though it is!”

“I didn’t think you were,” Andrea said quietly and without conviction.

“I just want to be your friend. You seem to need one.”

“Is that what Carl said?”

“He said nothing. I like you, that’s all. Alright, so I’m gay. Big deal.”

Andrea felt like a fool and, although she did not want to because she did not feel particularly
warm sitting in the breeze, she removed her cardigan.

“You thirsty?”

“Yes.”
“There’s a little tea shop just up the road.”

“Ah! Just what I need!” Then she added: “What do you mean by ‘just up the road?”

“About five or six miles.”

“Six miles?” Are you serious?”

“Well, it was about six last time I looked on a map.”

“I didn’t mean that!”

“Think you can make it?”

“I don’t think so. But even if I could, we’ve got to ride back. How far is it back, anyway –
from here?”

“Six or seven miles – no more.” She stood up and held out her hand. “Come on then!
Home.”

Andrea let Julie help her up. She did not want to jerk her hand away as they stood facing
each other for fear that Julie would misunderstand, so they stood looking at each other and
holding hands for almost a minute. It was Julie who broke the contact, turning away
abruptly. Then she was smiling again.

“I was going to say,” she laughed, “race you back!”

“Only if you give me an hours start!” She wrapped the arms of her cardigan around her
waist.

A few cars passed them on their way into the city, and high cloud came to haze the sun. But
it was a pleasant ride, for Andrea, and even the city streets, often dense with traffic, did not
unduly disturb her. Yet she was glad when it ended. Her arms and legs ached, a little, her
crotch a lot, and she felt bathed in her own sweat. The Flat felt warm and she let Julie carry
both bicycles, one after the other, up the stairs and into the spare room where they rested
with others.

“What do you want first,” Julie asked her as they sat on the sofa, “Tea or a bath?”

Andrea blushed, and turned her face away. “Tea, I think.”

“Any preference?”

“Sorry?”

“What sort of tea would you like? Darjeeling? Assam? Formosa Oolong? Gunpowder?”

“I really don’t mind.”

“Look around. I won’t be long.”

In the kitchen, Julie began to sing. Andrea did not know what it was except that it sounded
like opera. There were piles of books nearly enclosing the sofa, and Andrea picked the first
book off one of them. ‘Lectures on Physics’ the bright red cover read. But the mathematical
questions, the diagrams and even most of the words were meaningless to her, and she
selected another. ‘Duino Elegies’. She was flicking through the pages when a handwritten
piece of paper fell to the floor. The handwriting was vaguely familiar and she began to read.
It was set out in stanzas and bore the title: ‘Fragment 31’.

Equal of the gods, it appears to me,

The man who sits beside you

And, being so near, listens

While you softly speak

And laugh your beautiful laugh

That in honesty makes my heart to tremble.

When I unprepared meet you

I am tongue-tied, words dry in my mouth

Flames dance under my skin

And I am blinded,

Hearing only the beating of my pulse.

My body, bathed in sweat, sways

And I am paler than sun burnt grass

And nearer to death…

She read the poem three times, and began to cry because it was so simple and yet so well
expressed the feelings of love. How many times in the past few years of her life had she felt
tongue-tied and trembled when she had met a beloved? Carefully, she wiped away the
tears and replaced the paper within the book. She turned around and saw Julie watching
from the doorway to the kitchen.

Julie did not speak but came to sit beside her and gently touch her face with her hand.

“I think your kettle is boiling,” Andrea finally said. But she was momentarily sad when the
gentle touching stopped.

“What were you reading?” Julia asked almost nonchalantly, as they sat with their mugs of
tea.

Nervous and embarrassed, Andrea gave her the book.

“Ah! The Sappho. Carl translated it for me. Lovely, isn’t it?”

“Carl?” she asked. She had heard of Sappho, vaguely, but only now made the connection
with the love between two women. She blushed, for suddenly that love seemed quite real
and not strange. It was not that she identified with it but rather she intuitively understood in
that moment that the love between two women was in no way different from the love
between a woman and a man. In that instant, all the conditioned responses, foisted upon
her by her upbringing and society, of Sapphic love as unnatural and unhealthy, vanished.

“Carl?” she heard herself repeating, like an echo in a dream.

“Yes. He quite talented, you know. Could have been a classical scholar. Well anyway,” she
laughed her vivacious laugh, “that’s what he tells me!”

Andrea smiled in response, and for the first time let her liking of Julie show in her face.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Andrea said.

“Of course!” She put her mug on the floor. “I know how you feel about him,” she said quietly.

“What do you mean?” Then: “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

“It’s alright. I saw.” Julie said, and held Andrea’s hand, “how you looked at him last night.”

“It’s not like that,” Andrea retorted and withdrew her hand. “He helped me through a very
difficult time, that’s all.”

Julie simply smiled. “You don’t have to explain.”

“You make me want to.” She felt a desire to explain about her attempted suicide, but the
desire did not last. “This race of yours on Sunday. What time did you say it started?”

“Six. You coming, then?” she asked enthusiastically.

“Yes, I’d like to.” She felt a fool about almost loving Carl.

Julie held up the book of Rilke’s poetry. “Have you read any?” she asked.
“No. I was never one for poetry at school.”

“I’m not surprised – considering the drivel they teach!” Shall I read you some?” Then, before
Andrea could answer she said, “You don’t speak German do you?”

“No, sorry.”

“Ah well. But this translation is superb. Best ever done.” She opened the book and began to
read.

After she had read the first elegy, they sat in silence for what seemed a very long time until
Julie rose to play a record on her high-fidelity system. So they listened, and talked and read
aloud to each other while the hours of the afternoon passed, the sun clouded over and
twilight came to the world outside. And when the time of leaving came, as she knew it must,
Andrea stood, re-assured in friendship, to embrace her new friend.

“I’ll see you on Sunday, then,” Andrea said before beginning her descent of the stairs.

“I’ll look forward to it.”

And so will I, Andrea thought as she walked toward the door.

XVI

The taxi conveyed Colin to the gate of Magnus’ farm leaving him free to walk the track
under the warm sun with trees and singing birds around him. The breeze refreshed him, and
he slowed his pace.
No one came to greet him as he walked to the farmhouse, or answer his knock, and he
stood looking round the farmyard where the odour of muck pervaded.

“Yes?” said a strong voice, startled him.

He turned to face Magnus. Tall though he himself was, Colin had to look up. Magnus’
sheepdog growled at him.

“Hi! I’m Colin. Edmund’s friend.” Wary, he moved away from the dog.

“He’s not here,” Magnus said gruffly.

“Well, it’s really Alison I came to see.”

“Is that so? And what would you be wanting with her?”

“I’d just like to talk to her.”

“Colin, you say?” Magnus asked, inspecting him.

“Yes. Colin Mickleman.”

“We don’t get many strangers, here.”

“She is here, isn’t she?”

“Could be. You any good with pigs?”

“You what?”

Magnus gave Colin the large shovel leaning against the wall. “I’ll get some boots. That lot,”
he indicated the pigpens, “needs shifting.”

Colin was still gaping in amazement when Magnus returned.

“But Alison,” Colin protested as Magnus handed him the boots.

“She’ll be along. Shouldn’t take you long to shift that lot.” The dog followed him as he
walked away.

At first, Colin stood beside the smelly, stone-built sties whose occupants grunted loudly.
Then, tired of waiting, he climbed over one of the low walls. To his surprise, the pigs did not
attack him and he began the imposed task. Soon he was removing his jacket and rolling up
the sleeves of his shirt. The work was half done – or seemed to him to be half done – when
a woman’s laugh made him straighten his already aching back and turn around.

“You’ve found your true vocation, I see,” Alison said. She was dressed in obviously well
used working denim clothes.

“Very funny.” He put down his shovel.

“They seem to like you,” she said, indicating the pigs. “Recognize their kin I suppose.” She
laughed again.

Colin stepped back over the wall.

“You haven’t finished.” She said, disapprovingly.

“I came to see you, not muck out a pig sty!”

“A bit of practice – perhaps you’ll start with your room next!”

He ignored the insult and wiped sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. “Is he
always like that?”
“Who?”

“That big chap.”

“You mean Magnus? He's affable enough. Quite sweet, really.”

“You could have fooled me.”

“He obviously did!”

He winced, trying to ignore her laughter. “Is there anywhere I can wash?” he asked.

“There’s a tap over there.” She pointed to the wall of one of the buildings.

“Thanks,” he said, obviously displeased. He returned to change back into his shoes and
jacket. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“What’s wrong with here? Fresh air, the smell of the country.”

“Well – it is not the perfect setting.” The pigs were grunting again.

“I suppose we could sit in the garden.”

He followed her. “Well?” she asked as they sat on the bench.

“This is not exactly easy.”

“What isn’t?”

He sighed deeply, and then looked around. No one was watching, or even about, and he
heard only the distant noise of the pigs, the songs of birds and the breeze in the trees.
“Will you marry me?” he asked.

For some reason Alison was so surprised she could not speak and when she did her voice
was a single loud exclamation. “What!”

He shuffled his feet. “Will you marry me?” he repeated.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

To fill the embarrassed silence, he said, “I know I have my faults, but I can try to change.”

She felt an instant love for him and remembered with intensity her former needs and
desires. “Thanks,” she said briefly squeezing his hand with her own, “I do appreciate it.”

“Does that mean ‘no’ then?”

“It wouldn’t work.”

“It could.”

She watched his face become pale. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I really am, but I don’t love you.
Not anymore, anyway.”

He was more sad that he could have imagined. “Perhaps it is for the best.” He stood up. “I
was serious, you know.”

“I know.” She stood up and kissed him briefly.

“I’d better go.”

“How will you get back?”

”I have a taxi waiting.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I was going to ask you to come back with me. We’d look for a Flat or house somewhere.
I’ve got some savings.”

Alison looked up at the sky. “Looks like it might rain.”

In that moment, as he stood beside her, his arms hanging limply beside him, he looked to
her like a lost child. She embraced him warmly. “I’ll visit you,” she said before running
toward the house. She had almost reached the door when she ran back.

“I haven’t changed my mind,” she said, “about the termination. I just wanted you to know. In
case you thought – “ She was watching his face when she spoke, and even as the words
were issuing forth from her mouth – an expression of her feeling and sudden confusion –
she regretted saying them. “It wouldn’t have worked,” she added.

He shrugged his shoulders. “No, maybe not. Silly idea, really.”

“No it wasn’t! It was the real you. I only wish you’d shown that more often in the past.”

“I’d better get back. Can’t keep the taxi waiting for ever.”

“Will you be alright?” she said, almost as an afterthought as he began to walk away.

He turned, and she could see the face of his posing.

“I have weathered the storm,” he said, “I have beaten out my exile.” He bowed, smiled, and
then turned away to lope along the winding driveway to the distant gate.

He had lied about the waiting taxi, and it was a long walk to the nearest village. There were
no shops in the village, not even an Inn, and he was surprised when the elderly lady, bent
by arthritis, who answered his knocking upon her cottage door, let him use her telephone.
The taxi was a long time coming, and he sat in her heated parlour drinking the tea she
offered. She chatted amiably until his city transport came. He had been pleased,
embarrassed and arrogantly cynical about her unaffected hospitality to a stranger, and it
occurred to him as he sat in the car whose driver drove it along the, at first, twisty lanes and
then the major roads to York, that his divergent feelings summoned up his attitudes to life.
But this self-analysis made him even more depressed, and he arrived back at the University
exhausted.

Darkness found him sitting smoking his pipe in the untidy clutter of his bedroom. He had
begun to read several books, discarding one after the other after only a few lines were read,
as he had several times begun to write an academic article promised weeks ago to the
editor of a prestigious journal. But he was in no mood for work, his stomach pains had
returned, and he sought relief by sauntering toward Andrea’s room. He did not know what to
do when he got there.

“Hello,” he said as she, only recently returned, opened the door.

For a few seconds she felt pleased to see him, but the feeling vanished. Perhaps Carl’s and
Julie’s friendship had given her some of the strength she needed, for she said, although not
in a harsh voice, “I don’t think we’ve got anything to say to each other.”

“I just came to apologize,” he said. Only half of him was sincere – for the Owl inside him
was hoping to avoid any future problems.

“I’ll be changing tutors,” she said, attempting a smile. Now, she was wishing he would go
away.

“Fine. I’ll arrange it for you if you like.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I suppose I’d better get back to my work. I really am sorry.”

“So am I.” She closed the door upon him.

He had returned to his office and was sitting at his desk, smoking his pipe and wondering
how to fill the long hours of the evening, when he heard footsteps outside. But it was only
Storr, shuffling to his own room carrying a bundle of books. He was disappointed, and
telephoned Fiona’s house. There was no reply.

“Enter!” Storr said as Colin knocked at his door.

“You don’t happen to know where Fiona is, do you?” she asked as he entered.

Storr gave his quirky and toady smile. “Didn’t you know? She’s, er, gone away for some
days.”

“Do you know when she will be back?”

“Er, Monday. Yes, Monday. Anything I can help you with?”

“No.”

“You ready for Tuesday?” he slobbered.

“Just about. I don’t rate my chance, though.”

“Come, come! Er, you underestimate yourself. Yes indeed.”

He lifted one of the books off the stack on his desk. “My latest book,” he smirked. “You, er,
won’t have seen it yet, of course.”

“Well, I’ll have to get back to work.”

“You’re welcome to a copy, of course.” He held on out.

He humoured him, for Storr might next week become the Professor, “Thanks.” He walked
toward the desk and took the book.

“That will be ten pounds.”

“You what?” said a surprised Colin.

“Ten pounds. Er, that includes the discount.”

Colin was annoyed. He put the book back on the desk. “I’ll read the Library copy. I’m sure
you will be donating one. Or six.”

“Possibly, possibly.” Storr seemed oblivious to the comment. He looked lovingly at a copy of
his book and spread his clammy hand over the spine. “So important for, er, a Professor to
have an established reputation, don’t you think?”

“Depends on the reputation.”

“Quite, quite! My feeling exactly. Well, I’m glad we’ve had this little chat – cleared the air, so
to speak. I do so, er, wish fortune favours you on Tuesday. Yes, indeed!” He glanced at his
watch. “My word! I must be off. Er, nice to talk to you Colin.”

“I can’t say it’s been a pleasure,” he mumbled almost inaudibly in reply and left to seek the
Union Bar with the intention of drinking himself into an alcoholic stupor.

Among the milling, sitting and standing crowd in the smoke infested room, he thought he
saw Edmund. But when he pushed his way through the students, the individual had gone,
leaving him to sit alone and self-pitying while an excess of alcohol dulled the processes of
his brain.

XVII

Sunday. Six o’clock in the morning, and Andrea yawned. It was quite cold, and she shivered
as she stood on the verge of the road watching Julie pedal seemingly effortlessly away from
the lay-by. A few other cyclists, all in racing clothing, ambled along, waiting for the start.

Then the first rider, his bicycle held steady by a helper, bent his head as the Timekeeper
counted down the seconds of his start.

“Five-Four-Three-Two-One. Go!

He was away, sprinting toward the rising sun where the road swung gently between hedges
and fields and trees, to disappear from sight. No traffic came past to spoil the scene, and
Andrea saw Julie join the small queue of riders that had formed.

“Good luck!” she said as she came to stand beside her.

“Thanks!” Julie’s smile was short. “This is the worst bit – waiting.”

She had covered her legs in strong smelling embrocation and Andrea found the smell faintly
pleasing. It seemed somehow to complement the scene: the gleaming cycles, the strain of
nervous anticipation upon the faces of those waiting.

Then Julie herself was gone, and Andrea walked slowly back to where Julie had left the car.
It was the same one that Carl had borrowed with the addition of a rather grease-covered
sheet to cover the rear seat whereon Julie’s cycle, with the wheels removed, had rested.
Andrea sat inside, and waited, watching riders cycle by, a few cars arrive to disgorge their
drivers and their cycles. Then, tired of sitting, she stood by the side of the road.

“You’re Julies friend, aren’t you?” a young man asked her as he brought his cycle to a stop
beside her.

His ginger hair was short but curled, and on the back of his cycling jumper she saw the
words ‘York Road Club’.

“Yes,” she said. His body was lean rather than muscular and his face was broadly smiling.

“There is no wind,” he said looking around, “should be fast times, today.”

“What time do you hope to do?” she asked, trying to appear knowledgeable.

“Not too bothered, really. Early in the season yet. Still, I’ll be satisfied with a fifty-five.”
“What number do you start?” It was pleasant, she felt, chatting, while the sun gradually
warmed the earth and the friendly cyclists gathered in groups around her, talking in their
sometimes strange jargon: ‘There I was, honking up the hill on fixed when the rear tub
blew…'

The young man smiled at her. “I’m off at last. You not riding?”

“No. Well, actually Julie is trying to convert me.”

“Got promise, she has,” he said, seemingly to no one in particular. “What do you do?” he
asked her directly.

“I’m at University.”

“Well, nobody’s perfect!”

His broad smile stopped her being offended.

He looked at his watch. “Better get warmed up. Hope I’ll see you later.”

“Maybe.”

He had started to cycle away when he shouted back. “See you at the result board, then.”

Nearly an hour had elapsed since Julie’s departure and she was sauntering to where
another Timekeeper stood beside a checkered board when Julie swept past, her eyes fixed
intently on the road ahead of her, her speed fast. There were a few cheers from the small
crowd as she went by to only gradually slow her speed while a single car, its occupants
staring at the strange spectacle, noisily motored past.

It seemed to Andrea a long time before Julie returned, sweating, her face flushed but
pleased. Carefully, she leant her cycle against the car before briefly embracing Andrea.
Then she was covering herself in extra clothing.
“You alright?” Andrea asked.

“Great! First time under the hour!” She checked the stopwatch strapped to the handlebars
of her cycle for the third time.

They were soon standing among the crowd around the results board where Julie revelled in
the congratulations from members of her own and other clubs. Slowly, the board became
full of times set against the listed names, and Andrea, feeling somewhat bored, was
watching a man write ’55-23’ against the name of the last rider to start when the young man
came and stood beside her.

“I see Julie broke the hour,” he said, and wiped his brow of sweat. A dark tracksuit swathed
his body.

“Yes,” and she returned his smile. “Looks like you won easily.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “It was a good day. No real opposition. Fast men are riding
Boro’ course today.

“Hey!” Julie said a she joined them. “Congratulations!”

“And to you!” He accepted her sisterly kiss, but blushed.

“Well,” Julie said to Andrea, briefly touching her arm with her hand, “you deserve
congratulating as well!”

“Sorry?”

Julie laughed. “You’ve got to talk to him after a race! Usually he just goes off by himself.”

Andrea watched the young man blush again.

“Ah!” Julie turned, and waved at someone in the crowd still gathered around the board,
“there’s Jill. I’ll see you in a minute.”
They both watched her go. For almost a minute there was an embarrassed silence between
them. Andrea broke it by asking, “What does the J stand for?” She pointed toward his name
on the board.

“James.”

“I’m Andrea. Is this your fastest time?”

“No. I’ve done a short fifty-four. You don’t race, then?”

“’Fraid not. Didn’t know such things existed until I met Julie.”

“That used to be the point. Anyway, I’d better be off, doesn’t do to stand around too long.”

“I suppose not.”

He looked around, then said somewhat shyly, “There’s a club ‘ten’ on Wednesday evening if
you’d like to come.”

“Yes. Yes, I would.”

”I’ll see you there, then.”

She saw him walk toward an older man, give him the tracksuit and collect his cycle. Soon
he was out of sight as he pedalled down the road. He seemed to her to make his riding
seem effortless.

“James gone, then?” Julie asked her.

“Yes. Is there a club something-or-other on Wednesday?”

“A ten mile time trial, yes. Why?”

“James mentioned it. You going?”

“Usually do. You certainly made an impression on him.”

“What do you mean?”

“He hardly talks to anybody. Quiet type of chap. Mind you,” she said in a quieter voice,
“can’t blame him. I quite fancy you myself. As if you didn’t know.”

Andrea smiled weakly.

But Julie said, “Don’t worry! I do understand.” She kissed her briefly, then walked quickly
away. The tears she felt were soon suppressed, and she needed only a barely perceptible
movement of her hand to wipe her eye dry. “Marvellous time James did, wasn’t it?” she said
to a club member among the crowd as, out of the corner of her eye, she watched Andrea
watching the road. She knew her friend was hoping for James to return.

Nearby, two blackbirds vied in song.

XVIII

Colin Mickleman felt uneasy. The late afternoon sun was warm as he walked toward
Derwent and the inevitable congratulations.

The interview had astounded him. The Vice-Chancellor was exceedingly affable, and the
whole exercise seemed a formality, as if they were, in the favoured tradition of elderly
academics, being polite and excusing him for his temerity in applying. ‘Too young’, he
thought they would mutter among themselves while he sat with the other candidates
awaiting their judgement; ‘no substantial work published’ they would smile.

Now, in the busy soft lateness, he was walking toward his Department. No one stopped him,
as he half-expected them to, saying: ‘Good afternoon, Professor!’ No one – student, staff or
friend – ran to him saying: ‘Well done! And so young!’

Instead, the quiet steady sameness of concrete, path, students and sun remained as they
had remained for years, and he waited uneasily, fearing it was all a mistake.

‘We’re so sorry, Doctor Mickleman. We’ve made the most dreadful mistake….” It was
unbelievable because it had been so easy.

They were waiting, as he expected them to be – crowded into the secretarial office. Some
bottles of wine had been procured and, in turn, they all offered their sincerest
congratulations. Fiona – voluptuous, delectable Fiona; Mrs. Cornish – almost prim, except
she had exchanged her small cigars for a pipe; Horton, squeezing his hand painfully:
‘Excellent choice! They have seen sense at last!' Even Whiting. They were all present,
shaking his hand, opening their mouths with thanks and praise. Except Storr, who looked on
sourly, and soon slunk away.

Soon the insincere statements began. “I was hoping they would appoint you,” said Hill.

Timothy, in an azure ensemble and wearing a strong perfume, clasped Colin’s hand weakly.
“You don’t look very happy,” he said quietly.

“Just surprised.” He looked around, desperate to be rescued.

“I’m sure you’d like to be alone.”

“What?” Then, seeing that Timothy was sincere, he added, “Yes. Yes I would.”

“You’ll need time to adjust.”

Colin smiled, and escaped to his office. Its chaos seemed out of keeping with his
Professorship, and in a frenzy of activity he began to try to tidy it. It was some minutes later
when he realized his efforts would be in vain since he would be given new offices as befitted
his new status, and he sat down at his still cluttered desk to smoke his pipe. But he soon
became filled with a nervous excitement.
His walk took him down to the lake and he wandered along the grassy bank between trees
of willow, pleased with himself and his world. He was approaching the wooded bridge of
Spring Lane, shadowed by trees, when he saw Fiona. She was leaning against the lattice of
the bridge in an animated conversation with the Vice-Chancellor, and it seemed to Colin
from his posture and her smile that there existed intimacy between them. He could not hear
the words that passed between them and was about to walk away when Fiona turned and
saw him. She waved and then spoke briefly to the Vice-Chancellor who staidly walked
away, as befitted his position and traditional manner of dress.

Colin was still standing by the side of the lake, his mind befuddled, when she approached
him

“I think,” she said softly, and smiled, “you owe me a favour.”

“Is that so?” He had tried to make his voice sound strong, but his words emerged as a
feeble croak.

“I shall have my camera ready. Tonight.” She laughed, and left him standing trembling and
alone.

It was several minutes before he resumed his walk. The Physics building, Goodricke,
Wentworth, Biology, Vanbrugh, Langwith… he passed them all to finally stop by a narrow
wooden bridge whose trees sang with the songs of birds. He stood and listened, watching
the water below him swell gently.
But his surroundings did nothing to ease the turmoil of his mind, and he walked back toward
his office with stomach pains grieving him.

At the top of the stairs he met Timothy. “Visited you new office yet?” he asked in a friendly
manner.

“No,” came the curt Mickleman reply.

But Timothy was not offended. “If there is anything I can do to help –“

“No thank you!” His stomach pains seemed worse.

“But even you need someone to talk to.”

Timothy’s eyes were evidential of understanding, and Colin’s impending, and clever, insult
was negated by his sudden and momentary empathy with him. For a quintessential moment
of time he perceived the human person behind the mask of the individual before him:
someone who lived, and who probably suffered; who experienced sadness and joy,
pleasure and pain.

But the moment was only a moment: his own patterns of thought and feeling flowed on past
this one insight to create another moment when he was not a unity with all things. Yet an
almost ineffable memory remained.

“Thanks,” he said kindly.

Timothy smiled. “It is better to live unhappily than not to live at all.”

Then he was gone, down the stairs. But it was not long before a shadow fell between
Colin’s moment of understanding and his past.

Magarita was in her own small office in the quiet confines of her Department, and he sat on
the edge of her desk while she continued to type her letter. The room was obsessively tidy
with a profusion of plants scattered around.

“Look, I am very busy,” she said. “I must get this done.”

“You haven’t heard, then?”

“Heard what?” She did not look up from her work.

“Nothing important,” he sulked.

She continued with her typing for a while as he began to rearrange the furnishings on her
desk.

Exasperated, she shouted: “Stop it!”

He was still for only a short time, and began to noisily remove, and then replace, books from
her bookcases.

“Aren’t you going to ask?” he said.

“Whatever it is, I’m not interested! Damn! Now look what you’ve made me do!” She tried to
correct her typing mistake.

“I was appointed Professor today,” he said with apparent indifference.

“Bully for you!”

“Is that all you can say?”

She made another mistake and, in anger, tore the paper from the typewriter, screwed it up
into a ball and threw it at him.

He smiled. “I stood still,” he said, quoting his favourite poet of the year, “and was a tree
amid the wood, knowing the truth of things unseen before.” He smiled again. “To wit. I
surmise you period is coming.”

She was struggling to insert another sheet of paper into her typewriter as he said this, but
crumpled it. She yanked it out. It also became a projectile but missed its target. “Just leave
me alone!” she shouted.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go and celebrate. You’ll feel better.”

His assumptions infuriated her, and she threw a book at him.

“Temper! Temper! Her breasts had wobbled as she threw the book, and he came to her and
tried to touch them, his lust aroused.
She pushed him away, but he persisted. Then she slapped his face.

“Leave me alone!” She shouted.

For a few seconds he stood staring at her, and then turned to walk out of her room. He
waited outside, in the corridor, for many minutes, expecting her to follow, and when she did
not he walked into the cloud-weakened sunlight. Behind him, he could hear her typewriter
clacking. He had not gone far when his stomach pains returned, fiercer than before. He was
soon back at her room.

“What do you want?” she asked querulously as he opened the door.

He held his hand against his stomach. “I’ve got those pains again.”

“Go to the Doctor, then,” she said without sympathy. “It’s getting late and I must finish this
and get it into the post.”

Her indifference perplexed him. She began to type again, but stopped after a few seconds.

“Look,” she said, sighing, “I’ve been doing some thinking today and I think it would be better
if we didn’t see each other again.”

“What?”

“You heard. It’s over.”

Sudden, outright rejection was a new experience for him and he stared at her. His pain
became worse. “Alright, then if that’s what you want.” His indifference was affected.

“Yes it is. We are just not compatible.”

“I thought we got on rather well.”

“There is more to a relationship than sex. Anyway, I must finish this letter.”
“Fine.” He shrugged his shoulders and began to wonder who might be next on his list of
conquests.

He was at the door when she said, “And by the way. Congratulations, Professor Mickleman.”

He did not see her begin to cry.

By the time he reached Fiona’s house both his body and his spirit had recovered, and he
leaned against her doorframe, smiling as he knocked.

A bath towel hung loosely around Fiona’s body. “Come in!”

“Your invitation – “ he said as she closed and locked the door firmly behind him.

“Shall we go up?” She pointed toward the stairs.

“Not for what you have in mind.”

“Really?” She smiled, and seemed unconcerned by his tone.

“OK So I’d like to go to bed with you.”

“You do surprise me,” she said mockingly.

“But as for your little games – no way!”

“Such a shame. Are you so afraid of me?”

“I’m not afraid of you at all!” he countered.

“Really?” She smiled at him again. “You do surprise me. You do, however, own me a
favour.”

“So what? There is nothing you can do – now.”

“Are you sure?”

He was not certain, but did not let any of his doubt show. “Let’s go upstairs,” he said quietly.

Slowly, she removed her towel to stand naked before him then turn and walk up the stairs.
On her bed, the camera and handcuffs lay ready. He saw them, as he entered the room.

“Take your clothes off!” She commanded him, and held the camera ready.

“No!” He moved toward her, and knocked the camera out of her hand but before he could
push her down to the bed as he had intended, she kicked him in the groin. He fell to the
ground, helplessly clutching his genitals, and by the time he had recovered sufficiently to
look up, she was dressed in a bathrobe.

“Get out!” She said sternly, and he slowly obeyed.

She pushed him through the front door of her house.

“You’ll pay for this, you bastard!” she shouted as he half-hobbled down her garden path
toward the street.

Slowly, it began to rain.

XIX

The silence of the mountain was disturbed only by the wind, and Colin stood contentedly
observing the view. From Glyder Fawr he could see the smoothed outline of Snowdon in the
distance and then, in the east, the jagged rocks of the Castle of the Winds, only a short walk
from the slate-strewn plateau where he stood. There was no sun, only mist edging its way
toward him and gradually obscuring his view. Then there were faces around him – a coven
of laughing faces enclosing him in their circle. Fiona was there, laughing. And Andrea.
Fenton and Alison – all laughing while he stumbled toward the edge, trying to escape.

“You’ll pay for this!” Fiona’s voice said.

There was no father to rescue him, as there had been in his youth when, together, they
climbed the Idwal slabs below. He felt himself falling – only to awake in the dim light of a
hospital ward at night. In a bed nearby someone coughed loudly.

Three nurses were sitting together at a table in the middle of the ward, a low lamp spreading
a pool of light around them, and Colin began to wonder what Fiona had done to him. ‘You’ll
pay for this, you bastard!’ he remembered.

But his attempt to sit up and get out of his bed brought a return of his stomach pain, and he
lay back, sweating and remembering the events of the evening. The pains had become
excruciating as he, like a drunken man, had staggered away from Fiona’s house. There was
a brief telephone call he had made from somewhere to his Doctor. A brief visit by the Doctor
to his bedroom, and then the Ambulance and another medical examination. “We’ll keep you
in overnight. For observation,” the youthful hospital Doctor said.

Sleep proved difficult for Colin. The ward was stuffy, with a subdued but persistent
background of noise – coughing, the movements of patients in their beds, the wandering of
the watchful Nurses, someone snoring – and his pain was not a sedative.

Dawn found him restive and anxious. There was a trolley laden with an urn of tea, but his
pleading was in vain, for the smiling but elderly Auxiliary Nurse pointed to the red sign that
hung in adornment from the top of his bed: ‘Nil By Mouth’ it read.

“But why?” he asked.

“Doctor’s orders. They’ll see you in the morning, dear.”

“But it is morning.”
“Later. When they do the rounds.”

When this ‘later’ came – after much activity among both the patients and staff including a
trolley bearing an assortment of sometimes richly smelly breakfasts – the assembled huddle
of white coats with dangling stethoscopes and attendant blue-clad, stern faced Sister simply
passed him by, except for a curt: ‘He can go home’ issuing forth from a wizened face.

A lowly young Nurse came bearing these tidings some minutes later.

“You can get dressed now,” she said as she began to rummage in his bedside locker for his
clothes.

“So God has spoken, then?”

The Nurse suppressed a laugh, and kicked the locker door shut with her foot.

“This is intolerable!” the now almost distant voice of God said as he stood with his acolytes
around a bed. “Sister, if you cannot control your Nurses – “

The Nurse by Colin’s bed turned away from the Consultant’s stare.

“This summation gallop is difficult to hear – “ the Consultant said in a very audible mutter.

“I’ll put the curtains round,” the Nurse whispered to Colin.

She began this not altogether noisy task when the Sister came to stop her. “Not now,” she
said. “Side-ward!”

The Nurse went to join the other staff skulking out of harm’s way.

It seemed to Colin a long time before she returned.

“Hope I didn’t get you in trouble,” he said, and smiled his Owlish smile.
“Nah!’

“Is he always like that?”

“Huh! Today was a good day! Get him on a bad day and – “ She began to giggle. “Oops!”

He sensed the reason for her sudden embarrassment and said, “It’s alright, I won’t tell
anyone.”

“Trust me! Always being bleedin’ unprofessional!”

“You been a Nurse long?”

She finished laying his clothes out on the bed. “Nah! A few months.”

“You training, then?”

“Yep! First ward, this.”

“Really? You seem very competent.”

“You must be joking!”

“Think you’ll stick at it?”

“Who knows? Me mam says I never stick at anything. There you go.” She drew the curtains
around the bed. “Be a Doctor’s letter for ya, in the office.”

“What time do you finish?”

She gave a quizzical look. “You askin’?”

“Got any plans for tonight?”

“Not really, You’re a right one, aren’t you?”

“You in the Nurses Home, then?”

“I’ll have to go. Don’t forget your letter!”

Then she was gone, and he was left to dress himself in solitude, straighten his bedclothes
and walk smiling to the Ward office.

The Ward Sister was using the telephone, looked up briefly to acknowledge his presence
and pushed a brown envelope toward him across the cluttered desk. “Give it to your own
Doctor,” she said to him.

“The new patient’s here, Sister,” another Nurse interjected as she pushed past Colin.

“Just a minute,” the Sister said into the telephone. On her desk, the other telephone rang.
“He’s a CVA,” she said to the Nurse. “Second bed on the right. I’ve bleeped Doctor Stone.”

Colin took the envelope and slipped away. The corridor that gave access to the Wards was
full of unused beds and trolleys of varying descriptions, and from the Public Telephone kiosk
he dialled Magarita’s number.

“What do you want?” her voice said in reply.

“I’m in hospital,” he said. “Admitted last night.”

“Are you serious?”

“Would I joke about it? Listen – “ He held the receiver out into the noisy corridor: people
passing, a porter whistling, the sounds of trolleys being wheeled, a gaggle of voices.
“Are you alright?” she said in a softer voice.

“Yes, I think so. I went to the Doctor like you said. They kept me in overnight. But they are
letting me home now.”

“Shall I come and collect you?”

He could hear the guilt creeping into her voice.

“That would be kind! I’ll be waiting outside the main entrance.”

“I’ll be a quick as I can. Bye!”

It was a smiling Colin who stood in the bright and warming sunlight to wait for his lover’s
arrival. And when she did come, voicing her concern, he let his expression change as
though he still felt some pain.

“What did they say?” she asked as she drove him back toward his University home.

“Not a lot. Thought it might be an ulcer acting up. Eat less fatty foods – that sort of thing.”

“I always said your diet was disgusting!”

“I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“It’s me that should apologize.”

“You free this evening?”

“Yes.”

He caressed her leg with his hand. “I’ll look forward to it.”
 ^^^^^^^

“Is Fiona in?” he asked the Departmental Secretary as he opened the door to her office.

“Good morning, Professor!” she laughed. “You alright? We heard the news. About hospital,
I mean.”

“Fine. Just a bit of stomach trouble. Is Mrs. Pound about.”

“No. She’s taking some time off. Didn’t say when she’d be back. Least ways, no one’s told
me! Been to your new office, yet?”

“Just now, yes. How’s Albert?” he asked, alluding to her husband.

“Moaning – about work. Too much at the moment. Still, it’ll pay for the holiday.”

“Going anywhere in particular?”

“Florida.”

“You should get a nice tan.”

“Hope so!”

“You’ll have to let me see you when you get back.”

“Maybe I will, at that!”

“Keeping you satisfied, is he?” he asked, smiling lasciviously.

“Yeah! I’ll say!”

“Pity. Thought my luck was in.”

“Get off with you!” she laughed. “Want your mail?” She handed him a bundle.

“Thanks. Well, I’d better go and inspect my domain.”

His new office was spacious and bright with a particularly good vista of the lake, and as he
sat at his desk, surrounded by empty bookcases, he felt intense pleasure. It was not that he
had forgotten Fiona’s meeting with the Vice-Chancellor but rather that it felt irrelevant. His
work should be his justification: with his teaching, his own research and his mastery of the
Department there could never be a threat to his position. He was happy, and felt eager to
begin his tasks. There was his afternoon lecture, the first in his new role, his evening
assignation with Magarita, his first Departmental meeting of tomorrow. There would be, in
that morning, many hours of peace for him to write – his continued contributions, diligently
researched, presented and prepared, to the wealth of philosophical knowledge.

No more would he seek out female students, for he knew they could be a snare to entrap
him, and the knowledge of this dismayed him – but only for a while. He began to think of
stratagems to circumvent the dangers: of how he might choose more wisely, and this
pleased him, as his recollection of other possibilities did. He would forego them – for a while
at least. He thought of the Nurse who had attended him, and began to contrive a new and
owlish campaign. She would look good, in her uniform, standing on the chair in his room
while he photographed her.

Smiling happily to himself, he left his office to begin the tasks of his new Professorial day.
Over the University, a few ragged cumulus cloud came to briefly cover the sun.

XX

The Temple was quiet and Edmund sat, quite still in the semi-darkness amid the lightly
swirling incense, facing the stone altar. The Temple was large, the walls lined with oak
panelling, and Edmund sat for a long time, his eyes vaguely fixed upon the stone statue
near the altar. It showed, in a realistic way, a seated naked woman one of whose hands
held the severed head of a man.
Then, his task fulfilled, he stretched himself before standing, allowing his bare feet to caress
the luxurious carpet. As if on cue, the heavy Temple door opened, throwing a shaft of bright
light into the Temple and onto the statue.

“I wondered if you would come down to me here,” he said to the woman who entered the
room.

“Did I have a choice?” Fiona said, and smiled.

She wore an amber necklace and was dressed in a purple silk robe.

“There is one person I still have to see,” he said.

“Surely she can wait.”

He smiled at her understanding. “We have plenty of time.”

“I shall wait for you here, then.”

He smiled in reply and walked out of her Temple up the stairs to the ground floor of her
house. It was only a short walk to the University and Alison’s room. She was there, as he
knew she would be, and she embraced him while he stood in the doorway.

“You’ve decided to complete your studies, then?” he said as she broke away from their
embrace.

She watched him for a while, but his smiling face seemed to answer her unasked question.

“Of course!” she said.

“And then?”

“I don’t know. Teach. Compose, perhaps.”

“I’m glad.”

For almost a minute she watched him in silence. Then she said, “Even now I don’t
understand you.”

”There shall be time enough for understanding when you are old and the inner fire burns
less bright. Maybe through your music you’ll find a way.”

She laughed, a little nervously, for it was as if in that moment she sensed something
powerful: something illuminating yet dark. A transient feeling to inspire her Art perhaps.
Something that perchance he in some way had given her? Was it his eyes, his look? She
did not know, but the moment passed, to leave her with a memory, disturbing only in part.

“Will you be seeing Professor Mickleman?” he asked.

“No. He is part of my past.”

“Perhaps that’s wise. I really have to go now.”

“You’ll keep in touch?”

“Of course. People like you are rare.”

She smiled, half-defensively. “Take care, won’t you?”

“Naturally,” He gave his enigmatic smile, turned and left her staring after him. Suddenly,
new music grew in almost swirling profusion inside her head.

^^^^^^^^^

Fiona was lying on the floor of her Temple, as if asleep, when Edmund returned. In his
absence she had lit two purple candles and placed them on the altar where they spread
their esoteric light to enhance her beauty. For a few moments, he watched her breasts
rising and falling with the motion of her breathing before laying down beside her to caress
her body through the silk of her robe. She did not move, except to slightly part her lips, as
his caressing began.

Slowly, his touching continued. Then she was kissing him, lips to lips and lips to flesh, her
hands clawing at his clothes, and it was not long before they were writhing about on the
carpet of the Temple, naked and joined in carnal bliss. Her cries of ecstasy were not loud,
as his final cry was not, and they lay, sweating from their exertion and pleasures, for some
time.

She broke their silence. “Have you achieved what you wished – with him?”

“Who can say – who cannot say?”

”Sometimes you can be quite infuriating!”

“Is that so?”

“Yes!”

As he stood up, she said: “And Alison?”

“Ah! Forces shall be earthed, presenced, in her music.”

She looked at him then, and he guessed her meaning. “You don’t have to ask,” he said, to
re-assure her.

“All this,” she gestured around her Temple with her hand, “can be yours.”

“I have retired.”

“So you said.” She retrieved her robe and he began to dress himself.

“I have other things to do,” he said.

“And me?”

“You are useful here.”

“Part of the grand design?” she mocked.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“Perhaps. Tell me, why did you wait?”

“For this, you mean?” he asked, smiling.

“From the moment you revealed yourself I was willing. Well, before then as well,” she
laughed.

“It was necessary to wait.”

“There are lots of things I would like to ask you. We’ve hardly spent any time together.”

”Delicacies are best contemplated and then savoured slowly.”

“Tell me, how did you know?”

”About your past, your secret?”

”Yes.”

“A Master shall always know his Mistresses of Earth even though they have never met. And
your own group? What of them?”

“I tired of them – long ago.”

“Forsaking the external for the internal?”

“Something like that.” She smiled at him. “But you interest me.”

When he did not reply, she said: “He will never realize, will he?”
Attuned to her, he said: “Naturally not. His ego would never allow even an entertainment of
the thought. An interesting experiment – with perhaps an excellent result and future sinister
promise. We shall see. Now, I really must be going.”

“Must you?” She removed her robe and walked toward him in the now flickering light of the
candles.

“Well, perhaps not just yet.”

Above them, and nearby, new inner nexions were opening.

Fini
 The Giving

Order of Nine Angles

(Deofel Quartet)

Re-issued and corrected [v 1.03]: Anton Long 119 Year of Fayen

(First published 101 yf)

“In truth, Baphomet – honoured for millennia under different names – is an image of
our dark goddess and is depicted as a beautiful woman, seated, who is naked for the
waist upward. She holds in her left hand the severed head of a man, and in her right a
burning torch. She wears a crown of flowers, as befits a Mistress of Earth…

For centuries, we have kept this image secret, as the Templars and their descendants
did…”

Book of Aosoth
 I

There was much that was unusual about Sidnal Wyke, including his name. His name no
longer brought forth any comments from his neighbours in the small hamlet of Stredbow
where he had spent all his life, and his strange habits were accepted because he was
regarded by them as a cunning man, well versed in the ways of the old religion.

He was six years old when the old car his father was driving went out of control on a steep
local hill, killing both his parents while the child was safe at his grandmother’s house. For
twelve years he lived at her cottage. Stredbow was his home and he knew no other.

It was an isolated village, surrounded by hills and accessible only by narrow, steep and
twisting lanes. To the west of the village lay The Wilderness, Robin’s Tump and the steep
hills of Caer Caradoc hill. The lane northward led along Yell Bank, skirted Hoar Edge and
the side of Lawley hill to the old Roman road to Wroxeter. To the south, the village was
bounded by Stredbow Moor, Nant Valley and Hope Bowdler hill. The area around the small
village was, like the village itself, unique. Small farms nestled on the lee of the hills or rested
in sinewy valleys hidden from the lanes. Coppice and woods merged into rough grazing
land and the few fields or arable crops were small, the size hardly changed in over a
century. But it was the sheltered isolation of the area that marked it out, like a time-slip into
the past – as if the surrounding hills not only isolated it physically but emotionally as well.
Perhaps it was that the hills dispersed the winds and weather in a special way, creating over
the area of the village and its surrounding land an idiosyncratic climate; or perhaps it was
the almost total lack of motorized transport along the rutted lanes. But whatever the cause,
Stredbow was different, and Sidnal Wyke knew it.

He had known the secret for years, but it was only as his twenty-first birthday approached
that he began to understand why. Stredbow was an ancient village, an oval of houses at
whose center was a mound. Once, the mound contained a grove of oaks. But a new religion
came, the trees were felled and a church built from stone quarried nearby. The church was
never full, the visiting ministers came and went, and the oaks began to grow again, although
reduced in number. The village was never large, although once – when the new railway fed
trains to the small town of Stretton in the valley miles beyond the hills – there had been a
school. But it had long ago closed, its building left to slowly crumble as the towns, cities and
wars sucked some of the young men away from their home and their land. Yet a balance
had been achieved through the demands of the land. For over sixty years, since the ending
of the Great War, no new houses had been built and no outlanders came to settle. The
village attracted no visitors, for there was nothing to attract them – no historical incidents, no
fine houses or views – and the few who came by chance did not stay, for there was no
welcome for them, only the stares of hostility and scorn, the barking and the snarling of farm
and cottage dogs.
Sidnal knew every square foot of the village and the lands around. He had visited every
field, every coppice, every valley and stream, all the houses and farms. He knew the history
of the village and its people and this learning, like his name, was his grandmother’s idea. He
had been to a school, once and briefly – against his grandmother’s wishes. But her
daughter and son in law had died to leave Sidnal in her care. She taught him about herbs,
how to listen and talk to trees; about the know of animals. She owned some acres of land
and he farmed them well, in his strange way.

His clothes, and he himself, never looked clean, but he bore himself well, as befitted his well-
muscled body. His solitary toil on the land and his learning left him little time to himself, but
he was growing restless and his grandmother knew it and the reason why. She had no
chance to guide him further, no opportunity to find him a suitable wife to end the isolation
she had forced upon him. A few days before his twenty-first birthday, she died – slowly and
quietly sitting in her chair by the fire.

It was a warm evening in middle May with a breeze to swing some of the smaller branches
of the large Ash tree behind the cottage which a mild winter had brought full into leaf, and
Sidnal did not hurry back from the fields. He greeted the tree, as he always had, and smiled,
as he almost always did. He did not cry out, or even seem surprised when he found her. He
just sighed, for he knew death to be the fated ending of all life.

It was as he closed the cottage door on his way to gather his neighbours that the reaction
came. For the first time in his life, he felt afraid.

II

Maurice Rhiston did not even know her name. A room of his house overlooked her bedroom
and she was there, again, as she had been every weekday morning for the past three
weeks. Her routine was always the same – the curtains would be drawn back and she
would stand by the mirror for a minute or so before removing her nightdress, unaware of
him watching from behind a chink in his curtain.

Naked, she wandered around her room in her parent’s house. He lost sight of her several
times – before she stood by the mirror to slowly dress. He guessed her age at about fifteen.
His watching had become a secret passion that was beginning to engulf him, but he was too
obsessed to care. He was forty-five years of age, his childless marriage a placid one. For
fifteen years he had sat behind his office desk in a large building in Shrewsbury town,
satisfied with steadily improving both his standard of living and his house on the small and
select estate which fringed the river. He was diligent, and efficient as he worked as a Civil
Servant, calculating and assessing the benefits of claimants. His suits were always subdued
in colour, his shirts white, his ties plain and even his recent worrying about his age,
baldness and spreading fat, did not change his taste. The cricket season had begun, his
place in the team was secure and he had begun to feel again that sense of security and
belonging which pleased him.

He had, during the past week, turned his observing room into a kind of study to allay the
suspicions of his wife. He bought a desk, some books and a small computer as furnishings.
He had changed his unchanging routine of the morning to give time to sit at the desk with
the thin curtains almost meeting but allowing him his view. Then, he would wait for her to
draw back the curtains, and undress.

Today, as for the last week, he would be late for his work. Yesterday he had spent most of
his evening in the room, hoping to see her and she, as if obliging, had appeared toward
dusk – switching on her room light. For almost an hour she wandered in and out – and then
his moment came. She undressed to change her clothes completely.

The morning was warm, again, and he left his overcoat on the stand by the front door. The
goodbye kiss to his wife had long ago ceased, and she was already stripping away the
bedclothes at the beginning of her workday. She was singing to herself, and Maurice
smiled. His watching had brought to him an intense physical desire and his wife was
pleased, mistaking his renewed interest for love. But he kept the girl’s naked image in his
head, while his ardour lasted.

His journey to work by car was not long, and only once did he have cause to cease his
planning of how best to photograph the girl. He was about to turn from the busy road to the
street which held the office where he worked when a young man, dirtily dressed and
carrying an armful of books, stepped off the pavement in front of the car. Maurice sounded
his horn, hurled abuse through the open window, but the man just smiled to walk slowly
away toward the town centre to try and sell some of the books his grandmother had owned.

The routine of Maurice’s morning at work was unchanged, and he sat at his desk in the over-
bright, stuffy office, found or retrieved files from other desks and cabinets, entered or read
information on pieces of paper and computer screen, his concentration broken only by his
short breaks for morning tea and lunch. It was at lunch that his interest had become
aroused.

As was his habit, he ate his sandwiches at his desk. One of the ladies from the section that
investigated fraud brought him a case filem and he recognized the name written on the
cover.
The young lady was fashionably dressed and had swept her long black hair back over her
shoulders where it was held by a band. She smiled at him, and for a few seconds Maurice
felt an intense sexual desire. But it did not last. She explained about the man and the
information anonymously received – as she might not have done had Maurice not been
responsible for her training in her early months in the office before she became bored and
sought the work of investigating fraud.

He gave her his computer read-out of the benefits the man had claimed and listened intently
as she, a little shocked and angry, explained about the man’s activity – Satanism, child
prostitution, living off immoral earnings. She borrowed Maurice’s file on the man and left him
to continue his lunch in peace.

There was turmoil in Maurice’s head, images which made him nervous and excited, and it
did not take him long to decide. In the relative quiet of the office, he dialled Edgar Mallam’s
number, wishing him to be in.

Edgar Mallam was a man of contrived striking appearance. His hair was cropped, and his
beard pointed and trimmed. He dressed in black clothes, often wore sunglasses even
indoors, and black leather gloves. Maurice watched him for some time as Mallam sat at a
table in an Inn in the centre of the town amid the warmth of the breezy late Spring evening.

People mingled singly, in pairs or small clusters around the town as evening settled, traffic
thinned and shops closed, and Maurice, fearful of being seen, had tried to avoid them all.
He had bought a hat, thinking it might disguise him, but wore it only briefly as he waited for
the appointed time. The image of the naked girl obsessed him – and had obsessed him all
afternoon: her soft white unblemished skin, her small still forming breasts, the graceful curve
of her back…

Cautiously, he sat down beside Mallam.

“So, you want an introduction?” Mallan smiled.

“Well – “

“Don’t be nervous! One favour deserves another. I presumed that is why you – ah – warned
me. How old?”
“Pardon?”

“How old do want the item in question to be?”

Maurice coughed, and shuffled his feet. “I –“

“Thirteen? Fourteen?”

Maurice felt and impulse to leave, and rose slightly, but Mallam’s strong hand gripped his
arm.

“Let’s say fourteen. It’s a middling figure. Come on, then!” Mallam rose to leave.

“Now?”

“Of course!”

For an instant fear gripped Maurice, but the haunting image returned and he followed
Mallam through the customers and to the door. The alley outside the side door seemed dark
and he did not see the two waiting figures cloaked by the sun’s shadows. But he felt their
hands gripping his arms.

“Just a precaution,” Mallam explained. “I’m sure you understand.”

He was searched, led to a car, blindfolded. The journey seemed long and he was guided
into a house where the blindfold was removed. The luxury of the house surprised him.
Mallam indicated a door.

“One hour,” he said. “Any longer,” and he smiled, “and there will be a charge!”

Maurice needed no encouragement to open the door.

 III

The river, swollen by heavy rain and brown from sediment, swept swiftly and noisily over the
weir, and in the dim light of dawn Thorold could see water eddying over the edge of the
concrete riverside path that led into town. The warm weather had been broken by storms.

No corpse was water bourne to add interest to Thorold’s day and he walked slowly, trying to
savour the light, the sounds and his happy mood. A few people, work-bound on bicycles,
passed him along the path but they did not greet him as he did not greet them. Sometimes
he would smile, and an occasional individual might forget for an instant the impersonal
attitude of all modern towns. There would be then a brief exchange of humanity through the
medium of faces and eyes: and the two individuals would pass each to their own forms and
patterns of life, never to meet again.

But today, no one returned his smile. He stood for several minutes under the wide spans of
the railway bridge watching the water carry its burden of branch, silt, twigs and grass. He
was thirty-five years of age and alone in his life, except for his books. His marriage of years
ago had been brief, broken by his quietness and unwillingness to socialize, but the years
were beginning to undermine the happiness he had found in solitude. His face was kind, his
hair unruly, his body sinewy from years of long-distance walking over hills, his past forgotten.

He liked the hours after dawn in late Spring and Summer, and would rise early to walk the
almost empty streets of his town and along the paths by the river, sensing the peace and
the history that seemed to seep out toward him from the old timbered houses, the narrow
passages, the castle, bridges and town walls. Gradually, during the hours of his walking, the
traffic would increase, people come – and he would retreat to the sloping cobbled lane,
which gave access to his small shop, ready for his day of work. ‘Antiquarian & Secondhand
Books’ his shop sign said.

The path from the railway bridge took him along below the refurbished Castle, set high
above the meander of the river, under the Grinshill stone of the English bridge to the tree-
lined paths of Quarry Park. He stopped for a long time to sit on a bench by the water,
measuring the flow of time by the chimes of the clock in Shrewsbury School across the river.
No one disturbed him, and by the time he rose to leave the cloud had broken to bring warm
morning sun.

His shop lay between the Town Walls at the top of the Quarry and the new Market Hall with
its high clock tower of red brick. The window was full of neat rows of well-polished
antiquarian book, and inside it was cold and musty. Summer was his favorite season, for he
would leave the door open and watch, from his desk by the window, the people who passed
in the street.

A pile of books, recently bought from a young man whose grandmother had died, lay on his
desk, and he began to study them, intrigued by the titles and the young man who had
offered them for sale. The four books were all badly bound and in various states of neglect
and decay. One was simply leaves of vellum stitched together then bound into wooden
boards, the legible text consisting mainly of symbols and hieroglyphics with a few
paragraphs in Latin in a scholarly hand. There was no title – only the words ‘Aktlal Maka’
inscribed at the top of the first folio. The words meant nothing to Thorold. The three
remaining books were all printed, although only one of them in a professional manner. It
bore the title ‘Secretorum Naturalium Chymicorum et Medicorum Thesauriolis, and a date,
1642. The titles of the other two works – ‘Books of Aosoth’ and ‘Karu Samsu’ - signified
nothing to him, and though the books bore no date he guessed they were less than a
hundred years old. They also contained pages of symbols, but the style of the written text
was verbose, the reasoning convoluted, and after several hours of reading he still only had
a vague idea of the subjects discussed. There was talk of some substance which if gathered
in the right place at the right time would alter the world – ‘the fluxion of this causing thus
sklenting from the heavenly bodies and a terrible possidenting of this mortal world…’

He was still reading when a customer entered his shop. The woman was elegantly dressed
and smiled at him.

“I wonder if you can help me,” she said confidently.

Thorold smiled back, and as he looked at her he felt an involuntary spasm in the muscles of
his abdomen. But it was transient and he forced himself to say “I hope so” as he looked at
her beauty.

“Do you have a copy of Prometheus Bound by Aeschylus? Only my son – “

“Aeschylus?” he repeated, and blushed.

“Yes, the playwright – “

“Of ancient Greece,” he completed. “Was it a Greek text that you wanted or a translation?”
“The Greek, actually. Julian has just begun his “O” levels at his school.”

The woman was near him and he could smell her perfume. For some reason it reminded
him of the sun drying the earth after brief rain following many dry days. “Yes, we do have a
copy.”

He rose from his chair slowly and as he did so the woman smiled at him again. In his desire
to impress with his agility he tripped and stumbled into a bookcase.

“Are you alright?” she asked with concern as he lay on the floor.

“Yes, thanks.” He rose awkwardly to search the shelves for the book. “Ah! Here it is. It is a
fairly good edition of the text,” he said as he handed the book to her.

She glanced through it. “I’ll take it.” She placed it on his desk before taking her purse from
the pocket of her dress. Their fingers touched briefly as she handed over the money but she
did not look at him and he was left to wrap the book neatly in brown paper. The ‘Book of
Aosoth’ still lay open upon his desk and he could see her interest.

“May I?” she asked, indicating the book.

“Yes,” he faltered, unsure. “If you wish.”

She handled it carefully, supporting the covers with one hand while she turned the pages
with the other. She stood near him, silent and absorbed, for several minutes. But her
nearness began to make him tremble.

“I have not, as yet, had occasion to study the work in detail,” he said to relieve some of his
feelings.

She held it for him to take, glanced briefly at the two other books before perusing the vellum
manuscript.

“They are for sale?” she asked.

“Well – “ he hesitated, wondering about the price. “You have an interest in such matters?”

“Yes!” and then softly, “do you?”

She turned to face him, so close he could smell her fragrant breath as she had exhaled with
her forceful affirmation.

“Actually, no.” She did not avert her eyes from his and part of him wanted to reach out with
his fingers to softly touch the freckled smoothness of her face. He smiled instead, as she
did. “I am not familiar with the field – but would think it was a very specialized market: if a
market as such exists.”

“Are these recent acquisitions?”

“Yes.”

“May I enquire from where – or whom?”

He did not mind her questions, for he wished their contact, and closeness, to continue. “A
young chap brought them in – in the last few days. They belonged to his grandmother,
apparently.”

“I would like to buy them – name your price. Except that one,” she indicated the
‘Secretorum’. “That does not interest me.”

“As I say, I have not really had time to study them in detail and so – to be honest – have no
idea what they are worth.” Her nearness was beginning to affect his concentration and he
edged away on the pretext of studying the manuscript.

“But surely you have some idea of their value?”

“Actually, no. I did consult some of my reference works and auction records but could find
nothing.”
“How refreshing!”

“What?”

She laughed, gently. “To find someone – particularly in business – who is so open and
honest.”

“Well, bookselling is a small world.” He looked away embarrassed, but pleased.

“How much – if I may ask such a question – did you pay?”

“Actually only a part payment – I was going to research them, particularly the manuscript,
and then, if they or the manuscript were particularly valuable, add to that payment.”

“Do you wish to sell them?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Then I will buy them. You will want my address, naturally.

“Sorry?”

“My address. So you can bring the books with you tonight when you come to dinner.
Nothing formal, so no need to dress. Do you have a pen and paper?”

“Er, yes.” Dazed, he gave her his favourite fountain pen and notebook.

She wrote quickly. “Shall we say half past seven for eight? Good. Oh – and you can bring
that Greek book with you as well.”

She smiled at him, waved, and then was gone, out into the sunlit street and away from his
world of dead books. Her perfume lingered, and it was some time before Thorold’s
amazement disappeared. He tried to still his excitement and imagination by searching again
through his reference works.

He did not succeed, and the one reference he did find to anything mentioned in the books
did not interest him. ‘Aosoth’, it read, ‘was a demoness worshipped by some ancient and
secret sects about which nothing is known beyond the fact that women played a prominent
role.’

No customers spoiled the solitude of what remained of his morning, and he carefully
wrapped the books and manuscripts for the woman, sorted some stock form the piles of
books against the cabinet by his desk before closing his shop early. He wandered happy
and full of anticipation along the paths by the river, pleased with the sun and warmth of the
day, occasionally stopping to sit. He spent a long time sitting on a bench by the weir,
watching people as they passed, vaguely aware of his dreams but unwilling from fear of
disappointment to make them conscious, to dwell upon them.

He had not noticed a man dressed in black following him, and did not notice him as he
began a slow walk under the hot sun along the overgrown riverside path that led him back
to his small riverside Apartment.

IV

The gardens of the large detached house were quiet and secluded, and Lianna spent the
hours of the afternoon removing weeds from the many beds of flowers. The house stood on
Kingsland above the river and beside Shrewsbury School but afforded views of neither.
Once, the area had been select, but the decades had drawn some of the wealthy away,
their homes absorbed by the School or divided into still expensive Flats and Apartments.
But an aura remained, and it pleased Lianna.

Her interest in her garden waned slowly, and she discarded her implements and her
working clothes to bathe in the bright surroundings of her bathroom. She lay relaxed and
soaking in the warm water for a long time, occasionally thinking of the bookseller. She had
enjoyed her game with his emotions and although the books he would bring interested her,
he himself interested her more.

She was dressing in readiness for her evening when someone loudly rapped the brass
knocker of the oak front door. She did not hurry, Edgar Mallam smiled at her as she opened
the door, but she did not return his greeting.
“Yes?” she said coldly.

“Hello Lianna. May I come in?” He removed his sun glasses.

“Why?”

“To talk – about my group.”

“Fifteen minutes – that is all the time I can spare.”

He followed her into the Sitting Room to sit beside her in a leather armchair.

“Well?” she asked.

“I thought you and me – “

“As I have said to you many times, our relationship is purely a teaching one.”

“You know how I feel,” he said almost gently.

“What you feel, you feel. It is a stage, and all stages pass.”

His mood changed abruptly. “Is that so?” There was anger in his voice.

Her smile was one of pity, not kindness. “I sense your feelings are being inverted. What you
thought was love is turning to anger because your will is thwarted. You will doubtless now
find reasons for disliking me.”

Edgar stood up. “I’m sick of your teaching!”

“As I have said to you many times since you first embarked upon your quest, the way is not
easy.”

He took a step toward her, but she rose to face him and smile. He stared at her, but only
briefly – averting his eyes from her suddenly demonic gaze.

“I’ll go my own way! I don’t need you!” he shouted.

“You are, of course,” and she smiled generously at him, “free to do so. But I have heard
reports that some of your activities are, shall I say, not exactly compatible with the ethos of
our Order.”

“So what?”

“Such activities are not conducive to the self-development which our way wishes to achieve.
They are not, in fact, connected with any genuine sinister tradition but are personal
proclivities, best avoided if advancement is sought.”

“Stuff your tradition and your pompous words!” He walked toward the door. “And I’m not
afraid of you – or your curses!”

“True Adepts do not waste time on such trivia. Everyone has to make their own mistakes.”

He laughed. “Just as I thought! You’re all talk! Well, I do have magickal power! So stuff your
Order!”

She waited, and was not disappointed for he slammed her front door shut on his leaving.
One of her telephones was within easy reach, and she dialled a number.

“Hello? Imlach?” she queried. “Lianna. Mr. Mallam has I regret to say just resigned. You will
know what to do. Good.” She replaced the receiver and smiled.

The hours of her waiting did not seem long, and when the caterers arrived she left them with
their duties while she occupied herself in her library. The table was laid, the food heating,
the wine chilled by the time of Thorold’s arrival and all she had to do was light the candles
on the table. The caterers had departed as they had arrived – discreetly, leaving her alone.
Thorold was early, and nervously held the books as he knocked on her door surrounded by
the humid haze of evening. She greeted him, took the books and led him to her library
where he stood by the mahogany desk staring with amazement. Books, in sumptuous
bookcases, lined the room from floor to high ceiling. She placed her new acquisitions on the
desk.

“Later, if you wish,” she said, “you can spend some time in here.”

Only two places were laid on the table in the dining room.

“Will your husband not be joining us?” an expectant but nervous Thorold asked.

“Joining us? Why no!” she laughed. “He went abroad, some years ago. Living with some
Oriental lady, I believe.”

For two hours they conversed while they ate, pausing only while she served her guest the
courses of the meal. The topics of their conversation varied, and as the hours drew
darkness outside, Thorold began to realize there was much that was unusual about Lianna.
She asked about his knowledge of and interest in a wide variety of arcane subjects –
alchemy, the Knights Templars, witchcraft, sorcery…. He had admitted his ignorance
concerning most of them, and she, slightly smiling, had explained in precise language, and
briefly, their nature, extent and history.

“Come,” she said as she poured him a cup of fresh coffee, “let us sit together in the Sitting
Room.”

She took his cup and held it while she sat on the sofa. “Here, beside me,” she indicated.

Thorold sat beside her and blushed. All evening he had tried to avert his eyes from her
breasts, uplifted and amply exposed by the dress she had chosen. But his eyes kept drifting
from her face to her eyes to her breasts. He knew she knew, and he knew she did not mind.

She gave him his cup and he managed to control the shaking he felt beginning in his hand.

“Do you believe in Satan?” she abruptly said.

“Satan?” he repeated.

“Yes. The Devil.”

“Well, actually, I was brought up Roman Catholic to believe that he existed. But now – “ he
shrugged his shoulders.

“Now you no longer trouble yourself with such matters.”

“I did – once. There was a time,” he said wistfully, “when I believed I had a vocation to be a
Priest. I suppose most Catholic children – the boys, that is – who are brought up according
to the faith have such yearnings at least once.”

“But you sought another road.”

“I lost my faith in God.”

“So you do not believe there is a supra-human being called the Devil who rules over this
Earth?”

‘No. Why do you ask?”

She did not avert her eyes from his. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because I sense the question is important to you.”

She laughed, and touched his face lightly with he fingers. “You are astute! I like that.”

“In what way can I help you?”

“You underestimate yourself.”

For a moment Thorold was perplexed. He had accepted her unusual invitation to her house
partly from curiosity but mostly because he had been sexually attracted to her. The intimate
dinner, her topics of conversation, her looks and gestures had gradually made him aware –
or at least he had thought so – of her purpose in inviting him. This, he had believed, would
explain why a beautiful obviously wealthy and exceptionally intelligent woman would be
interested in an unadventurous bookseller.

She saved him from his perplexity by saying, “You know what I am, then?”

“I can guess.”

“Yes – you have guessed. And the prospect of your guess being correct does not frighten
you?” When he did not answer, she continued. “It excites you, in fact – as I now excite you.”

Thorold began to sense he was losing the initiative. Then it occurred to him that he had
never had the initiative. Since his first meeting with her he had been playing the role of
victim. He tried to distance himself from his desire for her, but she moved toward him until
their bodies touched. Her lips were near his, her breath warm and fragrant and he did not
resist when she kissed him. She did not restrain his hand as it caressed her breasts just as
he did not prevent her from undoing the buckle of the belt that supported his trousers. He
felt a vague feeling of unease, but it did not last. It had been a long time since he had kissed
and touched a woman, and he abandoned himself to his desire, a desire enhanced by her
perfume, her beauty and her eagerness.

Their passion was frenzied, then gentle at his silent urging until her need overcame his
control. They lay, then sweaty and satiated with bodies entwined for some time without
speaking until she broke their silence.

“You are full of surprises,” she said with a smile, and kissed him.

He wanted to stay with her, naked, and sleep but she kissed him again before rising to
dress.

“Come,” she said, throwing him his clothes. “I have something to show you.”

Outside in the warm air, a nearly full moon in a clear night sky cast still shadows around and
upon the house.
 V

Mallam could sense the girl’s fear. He did his best to increase it by staring at her while
Monica, his young Priestess and mistress, held the girl’s arm ready. The room was brightly
lit in readiness for the filming of the ritual that was to follow, and Mallam walked slowly
toward the girl, a small syringe fitted with a hypodermic needle in his hand.

The girl could not struggle, for a man dressed in a black robe whose face was shadowed by
the hood, held her other arm and body, and Mallam carefully pierced the vein of her arm
with the needle and filled the syringe with her blood.

“See,” he said to her as he withdrew the needle, “you are mine now!”

The girl began to cry, but he had no pity for her. “Betray me, and I shall kill you – wherever
you are.” He showed her the blood-filled syringe for effect. “Take her,” he said to Monica,
“and prepare her.”

The Temple was in a large cellar of a house, and Mallam walked around it, ensuring that
everything was prepared. The black candles on the stone altar had been lit, the incense was
burning, the lights and camera ready. A black inverted pentagram was painted on the red
wall behind the altar.

He did not have long to wait. The now naked girl was carried by some of the black robed
worshippers and laid upon the altar. Stupefied by drugs, she was smiling and seemed
oblivious to the people around her as, behind the bright enclosing circle of camera lights,
drumbeats began.

Mallam raised his hands dramatically to signal the beginning of the ritual, his facemask in
place.

“Asmodeus! Set! Jaal! Satan! Hear us!” he shouted.

“Hear us!” his followers responded.

“We gather here to offer you the first blood of this girl!”

“Hear us!”

“Hear us, you Lords of the Earth and of the Darkness. This day a new sister shall join us in
our worship!” He gestured toward the girl and one after the other, the worshippers kissed
her.

“Now we shall dance to your glory!”

The worshippers removed their robes to dance around the altar laughing; screeching and
shouting the names of their gods while the drums beat louder and louder. Only Mallam and
another man did not join the dance, and Maurice Rhiston let himself be led toward the girl.
He did not notice the camera lurking in the darkness and operated by a black robed figure,
as he hardly noticed Mallam remove his robe. The girl seemed to be smiling at him as he
walked naked toward her. Mallam had offered him the privilege and he could not refuse.

For Rhiston, the orgy that followed did not last long. Mallam, still robed and masked ushered
him upstairs into a house where they both dressed before sitting in the comfortable Sitting
Room.

“You have done well,” Mallam said. “There are two matters, though, that need your
attention.”

“I am only too pleased to help,” an obsequious Maurice said.

“All of this,” Mallam smiled, “is not cheap.”

“I understand.”

“The other little matter is a short trip – to London. I have some contacts there, there will be a
film to deliver.”

“As you wish. May I ask you something?”

“Yes.”

“With all these people involved – there is a risk, surely?”

Mallam’s laugh made Maurice even more nervous. “I have the power of my magick to bind
them!”

“Yes – but…”

“So you do not believe? I shall show you, as I have shown them!” and his eyes glowed with
his intensity of feeling. “Fear! Fear – that is what keeps them silent. Fear of me.” Quick, like
lightning, his mood changed. “You like girls – I give you girls. So why should you worry?”

“I’m not worried, really,” Maurice lied. Then, to ingratiate himself, he said, “there is someone
I know who might interest you.”

“Who?”

“Shall I say a certain young girl who lives near me.”

“For something like tonight?” And Mallam smiled again.

“Possibly, yes.”

“For yourself, I presume.”

“If you wish it so.”

“I might – because I am beginning to like you. Of course, it would be expensive. All the
arrangements, and so on.

“I understand.”
“If you can bring her – I shall take care of the rest. I’ll need details.”

Before Maurice could answer, Monica entered the room. Beneath the black velvet cloak
Maurice could see she was naked.

“What do you want?”

“Sorry to interrupt, but there is someone to see you.”

“They can wait.”

“He insists.”

“So what? I’ve better things to do.”

“He mentioned Lianna’s name,” whispered Monica.

Mallam’s face twitched. He indicated Maurice. “Look after him, then.”

A tall man with the face of an undertaker stood in the hallway, holding his hat in his hand.
He was dressed well, except the cut of his suit was forty years out of fashion.

“You do not know me,” he said directly. “But we have a common enemy.”

“Is that so?”

“I have information you might find useful.”

“Oh yes?” Mallam pretended indifference.

“I don’t ask much.”

“What makes you think I’m interested?”

“If you are not, there are others.” He turned to leave.

“So what is this information?”

“A place I found out about. She knows about it – but no one else. Special it is, see. For the
likes of you – and her.”

“So?”

“There are rich pickings, in that place.”

Mallam was suspicious. “Then why come to me?”

“I need your held. The place, see, where to find it exactly is written about in a sort of code –
a secret writing. I know nothing of such matters.” He took a step toward Mallam. “Ever
wonder where she gets her money? I’ll tell you. A hoard, from this place.”

Mallam had often wondered. Once, when he had been her pupil for only a few months, he
had asked and she laughing had said, “It is a long story. Involving the Templars. I may tell it
some day.” He had been infatuated with her even then and could remember most of their
conversations. But the months of his learning with her were short, for he lusted after
success, wealth, power and results while she urged him toward the difficult – and for him
inaccessible – path of self-discovery. So he had drifted away from her teachings, seeking
his own path.

“What about this place?” he asked, his curiosity aroused.

“An old preceptory it is – of the Knights Templars. South of here, exactly where is a secret
only known to her. But I stole her precious manuscript!”

Mallam controlled his excitement. “How are you involved with her?”
“I’ve seen you – many a time. Coming to the house. The gardens – for years I tended them,
made them bloom. These hands, see, they worked for her and her father before her. I paid
no heed to their doings. Paid to be quiet, see. But then, after all these years a weeks’ notice
is all I got. No thanks. Nothing. No reason given. Turned out of my home, as well. Nothing to
show for forty years!”

“A manuscript, you say?”

“Yes, sir. For a price!”

“I would need more proof than your story.”

“Would I cheat you? You pay – a small sum, see – I give you the thing to you. You find
something – you give me some more money. You find nothing – you come and find me,
have your money back. Is this fair – or is this not fair?” The man held his hands out, palms
upward, in a gesture of hopelessness.

It did not take Mallam long to decide. “You have the document with you?”

“You have money to give me now?”

Mallam smiled. “How much?”

“A few hundred pounds, that is all I ask.”

”Wait here.”

Mallam was not away long. He counted the money into the man’s hand. The manuscript the
man took from the inside pocket of his jacket consisted of several small pieces of parchment
rolled together and tied with a cord.

“I call upon you again,” the man said, “in two weeks.”

Mallam did not answer. He had already untied the cord and unrolled the parchments by the
time that man closed the door. Each sheet consisted of several lines of writing in a secret
magickal script and, with increasing excitement, he walked slowly toward the stairs and his
own room. The small desk was cluttered with letters, books, bizarre artifacts and empty wine
glasses, and he pushed them all aside.

For hours he studied the script, making notes on pieces of paper or consulting some book.
Once, Monica entered. At first he did not notice her as she tidied the heap of clothes from
the dishevelled bed. But she came to caress his neck with her hand and he pushed her
away, shouting, “Leave me alone!”

It was nearing dawn when his efforts of the night were rewarded and with a shaking hand he
wrote his transliteration out. The parchments told of how Stephan of Stanhurst, preceptor,
had in 1311 and prior to his arrest in Salisbury, taken the great treasure stored in the
preceptory at Lydley - property of Roger de Alledone, Knight Templar – to a place of safe
keeping. It told how the preceptory was founded in 1160 and how, centuries later, the lands
granted with it became the subject of dispute and passed gradually into other grasping
hands; for Stephen after his arrest was confined within a Priory and refused to reveal where
he had hidden the treasure. But, most importantly to Mallam, it told where the treasure had
been stored when the foresightful Roger de Alledone realized the Order was about to be
suppressed by Pope Clement V and all its properties and treasures seized.

The name of the building housing the treasure meant nothing to Mallam, but he did
recognize the name of the village containing it. As soon as he could, he would buy a large
scale map of the village of Stredbow, and begin his search.

VI

The bright light of the rising sun awoke Thorold, and for several minutes he lay still,
remembering where he was and the events of the previous evening and night.

He had not slept well. He had watched the film Lianna had shown him in silence and was
almost glad when at its end she had shown him one of the many guest bedrooms, kissed
him briefly saying, “I’m sorry, but I always sleep by myself. I shall call you for breakfast.”

The film disturbed him not only because of its content but because Lianna, before, during
and after it, had made no comment to him about it. For years, Thorold had lived like a
recluse – dimly aware of some of the terrible realities of life but content to follow his own
inner path. He prided himself on his calm outlook and his intuitive understanding of people,
accepting events with an almost child-like innocence. The film had shown what he assumed
to be some kind of Black Magick ritual during which a young girl, obviously drugged and
probably only around fourteen years of age, was placed on an altar and forced into several
acts of sexual intercourse with men, all of whom had worn face masks to protect their
identity. But, coming so soon after his passion with Lianna, the film destroyed his calm. By
the time the film ended, his own passion – and the beauty he had felt in his relationship with
Lianna – was only a vague remembered dream.

He had felt anger – a desire for the girl somehow to be rescued. But this did not happen.
Lianna’s face had shown no emotion and he became perplexed because he could not
equate the woman with whom he had made love with the woman who, by having such a
film, must be somehow connected with the events depicted. And Lianna had left him alone
with his feelings.

The sun rose into a clear blue sky and he watched it until it became too bright for his eyes.
He dressed quickly, and left to find Lianna. If did not take him long, for he could hear her
singing.

She was in the bathroom and he, politely, knocked on the door.

“Do come in!” she said.

She was bathing in the large bath and indicated the chair beside it.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked and smiled.

Her breasts were visible above the foamy water and Thorold blushed and averted his eyes.
“No, not really.”

“Do you want to join me?” she said mischievously.

“I’d rather talk, actually.”

“About the film, I presume.”

“Yes.”
“Your verdict? I presume you have come to some conclusions.”

She smiled at him and Thorold closed his eyes to her beauty. When he opened them again,
she was still smiling.

“Are you – “ he began, hesitant.

“Am I involved, you mean?”

“Yes.”

“What do you feel – sense about me?”

“You really want to know?”

“Of course.”

Thorold sighed. “This is all very strange to me. It’s like a dream. I cannot believe I’m sitting
here, in the bathroom of a beautiful woman who last night shared with me something
beautiful and who then shows me a ….”

“A perverted film?”

“Basically, yes.”

“But you have not answered my question,” she said, softly.

He shook his head. “I sense you could not be involved in something like that.”

“And?”

“Which leaves the question – why show me the film?”

“To which your answer is?”

“I don’t have an answer. Except –“

“Except what?”

“It has something to do with the subjects we discussed – correction, which you talked about
- last night.”

“Nothing else?”

“Actually, it occurred to me that you might be testing me.”

“And if I was, why would that be?”

“I can only guess.

“Guess, then.”

Thorold turned away. “Our relationship.”

“Would you like to join me now?”

Without hesitation, Thorold stripped away his clothes.

-------

“After breakfast” she had said, “you might like to browse in the library.”

He was surprised to find that the manuscripts he had brought were no longer on the desk
but this discovery did not detain him from beginning to inspect the contents of the library.
For an hour or more he wandered around the shelves and bookcases reading the titles and
occasionally removing a book. He found a section devoted to classical Greek literature and,
among the volumes, several editions of ‘Prometheus Bound’. This startled him, as Lianna
did when he came up quietly behind him.

“So,” she said, observing the copy of Aeschylus he held in his hand, “another secret
discovered.”

He replaced the book, tried to appear unconcerned, and failed. “You are an intriguing
woman.”

She laughed. “In both senses of the word!”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Nevertheless, it is true.”

“So I was right after all. Our meeting was obviously not by chance.”

“Is anything?”

Thorold ignored the remark. His feelings became confused again. And his pride was hurt.
“So, how can I help?” he asked, almost angry.

“Help is not exactly the right word.”

“Is that so?”

She answered softly and slowly. “I would say ‘partnership’ is the word that captures the
essence.”

He could see her, outwardly unperturbed, watch him as she waited for his reply and as he
did so he became aware of his own feeling for her. He wanted her to elaborate, but dared
not ask directly in case he had misunderstood her usage of the word. He was still trying to
think of something reasonable to say when she spoke.
“You are,” she said, “unusual for a man in being so sensitive.”

Thorold was unsure whether he was pleased or insulted, and said nothing.

“That is,” she continued, “one of the qualities that attracted me to you. I have watched you
for some time.”

“Say again?”

“I met you once before – although you will probably not remember. You were walking, one
morning very early, along by the river. I was there, too. You passed me, and smiled. You
revealed yourself through your eyes.”

Thorold tried, but could not remember the incident. He began to tremble, thinking in his
innocence that she spoke of love. But her speaking dismayed him.

“I shall be honest with you, now – and cease to play games.” She sat on the edge of the
desk, but Thorold remained silent and still. “You see around you what I possess, and you
have, I believe, some intimation of some of my interests and activities. I am approaching
that time in my life when certain changes are inevitable. Before that time, there is one role I
would like to fulfill. But more than that I wanted companionship. Of course, I could have,
with you, carried on as I began. But I wanted you to know, to understand. Because of who I
am and because of – shall I say? – my interest, there was really no other way.

“Also, you have other qualities, besides sensitivity – or perhaps I should say, besides your
empathy. At this moment in time, you yourself are probably unaware of them. But they are
important to me – to my interests.”

“In all this,” Thorold said, “haven’t you forgotten something?”

For a few seconds Lianna looked wistful. “I don’t think so.”

“Spontaneity? Love?”
“That’s two things,” she smiled.

For an instant, Thorold thought of abruptly leaving, slamming the door as a gesture of his
intent. He did make a move in that direction, be he was already smiling in response to her
remark.

“What am I letting myself in for?” he said humorously as he turned toward her again.

“Paternity?”

“And I thought romance was dead!”

“You will stay tonight, then?”

“I might consider it – if I have any energy left.”

“I shall make sure you have! But now, there is someone I would like you to meet.”

“No more games – or tests?”

“Naturally not. It is only a short drive. You may drive me, if you wish.”

Thorold bowed in deference. “Of course, ma’am. There be, like” he said in a demotic voice,
“one little problem, your Ladyship. I canna’ drive.”

She started to play her allotted role, then thought better of it and said, seriously, “Really? I
didn’t know.”

Thorold made an imaginary mark on an imaginary board with his finger. “One up for me,
then!”

She did not quite know how to react to his playfulness. “Do you wish to learn?” she asked.
“What?”

“To drive, of course.”

“Not really. I’m quite content walking. Why should I want to leave Shropshire? All I need is
here – within walking distance usually.”

“But your business, surely,” she said.

“A few trips a year – by train. The fewer, the better.”

Nearby, a pendulum clock struck the hour. “Come,” she urged, “or we shall be late.”

“May I ask to where?”

“Oh a small village, not far”

“Why the rush?”

“Because it is seven o’clock already, and we have to arrive before someone else.”

“I suppose all will be revealed?”

She smiled. “Possibly.”

Thorold followed her out of the library. He was curious, perplexed and pleased. Her dress
was thin, and suited to the warm weather and he had noticed, while she talked, how her
nipples stood out. He could not help his feelings, and as he watched her collect her keys
from a table in the hall, turn and briefly smile at him, he realized he was in love.

Compared to that feeling, the reason for the journey was not important to him. Outside, he
could hear cats fighting.
 VII

Lianna was right. Their journey was not long even though she took the longer route. She
drove alone the narrow, twisty lanes southeast of Shrewsbury town to pass the Tree with
the House in It, the wood containing Black Dick’s Lake, to take the steep lane up toward
Causeway Wood.

“This lane,” she said, breaking their silence, “used to be called the Devil’s Highway. Just
there –“ and she indicated an overgrown hedge, “was a well called Frog Well where three
frogs lived. The largest was, of course, called Satan and the other two were imps of his.”

The lane rose, to twist, then fall to turn and rise again, always bound by high hedge and
always narrow. A few farms lay scattered among the valleys and the hills on either side, a
few cottages beside it and Thorold caught glimpses of nearby Lawley Hill and wooded
banks and ridges that he did not know.

The village she drove through was quiet, its houses, cottages and church mostly built from
the same gray stone, and Thorold was surprised when she stopped beside an old timbered
cottage whose curtainless small windows were covered in grime.

“Wait here, will you?” she asked.

Thorold watched her enter the door of the cottage without knocking. For over ten minutes he
waited. But the heat of the sun made the car stuffy and uncomfortable, and he got out to
walk toward the cottage gate. As he did so a man appeared, quite suddenly from the small
rutted driveway across the road. He was old, dressed in worn working clothes and wore a
battered hat.

“You not been here before, then?” he asked Thorold.

A surprised Thorold stopped, and turned. “Er, no I haven’t.”

“You come for The Giving, then?”

Before he could reply, Lianna appeared beside him. She smiled at the old man, nodded and
held Thorold’s hand. Thorold saw the man’s look of surprise, and the old man raised his hat,
slightly, bowed just a little toward Lianna and shuffled away, back along the tree-shadowed
driveway.

“Come on,” she said to Thorold, “I shall show you round.”

She still held his hand as they walked along the lane toward the mound and the church. Her
gesture pleased him, but she did not speak and he let himself be led sun-wise around the
mound, up through the wooden gate and through under the shade of the trees. She
lingered, briefly, by the largest oak to take him down and back toward her car. A young
woman in a rather old-fashioned dress stood near it.

“I shall not be long,” Lianna said, and left him, to walk the fifty yards.

He could not hear what was said between the two women, but several times the young
stranger turned to look at him. Then, she seemed to curtsy slightly to Lianna before walking
away, but the movement was so quick Thorold believed he had been mistaken.

Lianna beckoned to him and he, obedient, went toward her.

“There is something else I would like to show you.” She opened the passenger door of her
car for him.

“What did you think?” she asked as they drove away from the village.

“Of what?”

“The village, of course.”

“Alright. Seemed a very quiet place. They seemed to know you.”

She avoided the subject by saying, “Do you ever see your wife?”

“Occasionally. Why do you ask?”

“You never divorced.”

Her words confirmed Thorold’s earlier suspicions. “So, you’ve been checking up on me?”

“Of course! You are still friends, then?”

“Yes. Where exactly are we going?”

“Just a place I know. Very efficacious – for certain things. A stone circle, in fact.”

The lane gave way to a wide road that took them down and turning into the Stretton valley,
through the township and up the steep Burway track to the heather-covered, sheep-strewn
Mynd. The turning she took, brought them down over Wild Moor to a stream filled valley of
scattered farmsteads, up over moor, past the jagged rocks of the Stiperstones, past woods
and abandoned mine-workings and high hills, to a narrow rutted track.

“Just a short walk,” she said, and briefly touched his face with her fingers.

The moorland was exposed and covered in places by fern, almost encircled by distant
undulating hills. Thorold had walked the path before, in a storm, to the clearing which
contained a flattened circle of stones, some tall, some broken and some fallen. He had not
stayed long then, for his walk of that day was long and the weather bad. Now, a breeze
cooled him as he walked beside Lianna, and she held his hand as they entered the circle to
stand at its centre.

“Looks like someone has lit a fire recently,” Thorold said, indicating the burned ground
under their feet.

In answer, Lianna kissed him and guided his body to the Earth. She did not need to
encourage him further. His passion was strong but her need and frenzy were stronger and
his body soon arched upon hers in orgasmic ecstasy to leave him relaxed and sleep-
inclined.

“I must go now,” she suddenly said before rising and smoothing down her dress. “Meet me
on June the twenty-first outside the church in the village. At dawn. And do not worry about
what you saw in the film. I will solve that particular problem – in my own way.” She bent
down to touch his forehead with her hand. “Sleep now, and remember me.”

No sooner had she touched him than he was asleep, and she pulled up his trousers and re-
fastened his belt before walking back along the track to her car.

Almost an hour later, Thorold awoke. She was not waiting for him by her car as he hoped
and he walked slowly under the hot sun along the road and away from the stone circle. He
walked for miles without stopping and when he did stop his memory of her was like a
dream. A few cars and other vehicles passed him as he continued walking along the road
past the wooded sides of Shelve Hill and down toward Hope Valley, but he did not try to
stop them to ask for their assistance. There was a shop in the village at the valley’s bottom
but he passed it by, unwilling to break the rhythm of his walking. He wondered about the
lateness of the hour, about customers waiting for his shop to open, about Lianna and her
strange interests.

There was little breeze to dry the sweat, which covered him as he walked, and he would
stop, occasionally, to wipe the forehead with his hand. He did not mind the sweat, the heat
or even his walking, and the nearer he came to Shrewsbury town, following the road down
from the hills to the well-farmed plain around the town, the more he became convinced of
the folly of his love. He began to convince himself that he did not care about Lianna – that
she was only a brief liaison to be well and happily remembered in the twilight years of his
life. But he nevertheless took the town roads that led toward her house.

He stood outside her gate for a long time, aware of his thirst for water and his sweat-filled
clothes. For almost five hours he had walked toward his goal, and he stood before it
exhausted and dizzy but still determined.

No one came to answer his loud rapping on the door of the house, and he wandered round,
peering in the windows. Around the back, a young woman was kneeling as she tended a
bed of bright flowers, and she smiled at Thorold before rising and saying, “Hello! Can I help
you?”

Her face and bare arms were sunburned, and as she came closer, Thorold could see her
hands were roughened and hard.

“I came to see Lianna.”

“Ah! You must be Thorold. She told me to expect you.”

“Is she in?”

“Afraid not.”

“Do you know when she will be back?”

“Three to four weeks.”

“Are you sure?”

“Quite.”

“Do you know where she has gone?”

“Amsterdam, she said.”

In the middle of the large expanse of well-tended lawn, a sprinkler showered water, and
Thorold went toward it to stand in the spray. The coolness refreshed him, and he washed
his face and neck several times with his hands before cupping his palms together to try to
catch sufficient water to drink. He was not very successful.

The young woman with the sad face watched him, bemused.

“Would you like a drink?” she finally asked.

“If you don’t mind.” He left the spray to stand in the sun.

He followed her to a small outbuilding shaded by the branches of a walnut tree. Inside, and
neatly arranged, was a large selection of gardening tools, two small tables and some chairs.
A small sink and tap adorned one wall.
“Tea?” she asked, and seeing his surprise, added, “I was about to make one for myself.”

“You work here, then?”

“Sometimes.”

She smiled, and her smile reminded Thorold of Lianna and the reason why he had come.
He thought, briefly, of rushing away to an airport to find her, but this romantic impulse did
not last. He felt physically exhausted from his walk and emotionally confused, a piece in a
game Lianna was playing. And his own pride was sometimes quite strong.

“Actually,” the woman said, intruding upon his thoughts, as she filled the kettle with water,
“my father is the gardener here. He’s away at the moment.” She handed him a towel.

Thorold did not mind its colour or the stains. “Does she often go away?”

“Quite often, yes.”

“I know this may sound strange,” Thorold said, “but I don’t know her surname.”

“Alledone.” She smiled as she said the name.

It’s significance escaped Thorold. “Mine’s Imlach, but you can call me Sarah.” The young
woman smiled again, and began to remove her clothes.

VIII

It was if Thorold could still hear her laughter. He had left, as she had stood naked before
him. It was not that he was not aroused by the sight of her lithe body; it was that he felt
himself again part of a game Lianna was playing.

He had left without speaking, and her laughter seemed to mock him. He did not care for
long. His tiredness, hunger and thirst returned, and he walked almost as if in a trance of his
Apartment. He drank, ate and rested, and when darkness came he lay himself wearily down
to sleep. His sleep was fitful, disturbed by images of Lianna. Once, she appeared before
him smiling and dressed in black. They were in a dark and cold place; full of mists and
smells and when she kissed him it was as if she was sucking life from him. He felt dizzy and
exhausted, and when she stopped to stand back and laugh, he fell to the ground where rats
waited.

Several times during the night he awoke shouting and covered in sweat. Morning found him
tired but restless and mentally disturbed. Outside his dwelling, the weather was cloudless
and hot, but he himself felt cold, and dressed accordingly.

Dawn had long since passed when he left to walk to his shop and, despite the lateness of
the hour; he was surprised to find the town quiet. Only on entering his shop did he
remember it was Sunday. Momentarily pleased, he left to walk up the narrow street toward
the trees and spaces of Quarry Park. For some time he stood by the wrought iron gates,
looking down toward the river, and while he stood, absorbed in his thoughts and feelings
about Lianna, church bells tolled, calling the faithful to prayer.

The sound pleased him, as the weather itself did, but he began to shiver from cold. But the
strange sensation did not last and he began to slowly walk beside the old town walls toward
the reddish-gray stones of the Catholic Cathedral.

Mass had not long ended, and he could still smell burning wax from the altar candles. A
faint fragrance of incense remained and, conditioned by his childhood, he performed a
genuflexion before seating himself near the altar. Even in the years of his apostasy he had
often visited churches of the religion of his youth, finding within them a peace and tranquillity
which pleased him and which drew him back. He did not know the reason for this, and
although he had thought about it occasionally, he had left the matter alone, content just to
accept the feeling, whatever its cause. Once, his wife – tired of such visits and such silent
sittings – had challenged him repeatedly on the matter, and he, unwilling to speak, had
muttered briefly about the stones and the space within the building as creating a special
atmosphere. He had partly believed himself, but a vague suspicion about God remained. All
his subsequent visits during the years of his marriage he had made alone.

He sat on the wooden pew gently breathing and still for a long time, free from thoughts and
feelings about Lianna and was about to leave, calm and happy, when a Priest walking
toward the altar turned toward him and smiled.

The man was young – too young, Thorold thought, to be a Priest. His face was gentle, his
smile kind and in the moment that measured the meeting of their eyes Thorold felt a holy
aura about the man. It was a strange sensation – a mixture of joy and sadness – and
possessed for Thorold a uniqueness, bringing back memories from the years of his youth:
the sound of the communion bell, the reverence as the head was bowed, the host shown;
the smell of incense… Then the Priest genuflected, and walked through the sacristy door.

Thorold followed, consumed by a desire to speak to the Priest. But the sacristy was empty
and, beyond in the narrow corridor, a balding bespectacled man in a cassock mumbled
words from a Breviary he held in his hand.

“Yes. Can I help you?” he asked as he saw Thorold.

“Yes – I’m looking for the young Priest who just came this way.”

The old man squinted, closed his Breviary, and said, “Young man, you say? No one else is
here but me.”

“But – “ Thorold looked up and down the corridor, back toward the sacristy, and as he did
so he realized he had seen a ghost.

“Father –“ Thorold began.

“Yes?”

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

The old Priest started to look at his wristwatch, thought better of it, and said, “Yes, of
course. Shall we go into the garden?”

He led Thorold down the corridor, through several doors, rooms and a passage, into a small
but neat garden. He indicated a wooden bench.

“Do you believe,” Thorold asked directly, “that Satanism exists today?”

The Priest smiled. “I myself do, of course. But some of our younger brethren have different
ideas.”

“About Satan?”

“Indeed.”

“And such people – would they have any powers?”

“To an extent, yes. I remember reading somewhere – a long time ago…” He thought for a
moment, removed his spectacles, cleaned the lenses with a handkerchief from his pocket,
blew his nose and continued. “Joseph de Tonquedec I believe it was, who said something
like ‘the Devil’s interventions in the material realm are always particular and are of two
kinds, corresponding to miracle and Providence on the divine side. For just as there are
divine miracles, so there are diabolical signs and wonders.’ “ He replaced his spectacles,
squinted at Thorold, and said, “Why do you ask?”

“Curiosity.”

“Curiosity, of course,” smiled the Priest.

“And these people, when they want to – how shall I say? – draw someone into their circle,
how would that person feel?”

“I am no authority on such matters.”

“But surely you have heard things?”

“Heard things? Yes, of course. I have been in Holy Orders a long time.”

“And?”

“I remember one incident – years ago. Many years ago. A young girl was involved. There
was a man – whether he actually worshipped the Devil, I do not know, but he was said to.
He brought this girl under his influence. Gradually, of course, for that is how I believe they
work. She who was happy became joyless – a shell. For he sucked the life from her.
Thinking back now, she was like an addict – needing him.” The Priest kept his silence for a
long time.

When he did not speak, Thorold asked, “And what became of her – and him?”

“Oh, she died – wasted away. He left the country. Never heard of him again. My first Parish.
Her family of course kept the matter quiet. That’s how they work: slowly, offering to their
victims what that victim most desires. For some, it is money, others power – for others
perhaps love and affection. When they have that person under their control - they have one
more soul for the Devil. He rewards them, of course, for bringing such a prize.” He looked at
his wristwatch. “Just curiosity, you say?” When Thorold did not reply, he added, “I have a
friend, a monk, who knows more about such matters.”

“No. No, thank you, Father. I must be going now.”

He stood up.

“As you wish,” the Priest said and smiled.

“Thank you, Father.” Thorold turned, and hurried away, back through the church and into
the bright sunlight.

He felt cold again, and walked briskly back along the path by the narrow road toward Quarry
Park, aware as he did so of a man behind him. The man stopped when he stopped, waited
when he waited, and walked when he did, many yards behind. Thorold felt a brief fear.
Then, suddenly and unexpectedly for him, he felt anger and turned to walk back to face the
man.

The man was tall, his face tanned and lined by decades of weather. He held in his hat in his
hand and his heavy unfashionable suit seemed to unsuited to he hot weather.

“Why are you following me?” Thorold demanded.

“I am Imlach.”
Thorold’s surprise lasted only a few seconds. “Well, you can tell Lianna that I’m not playing
any more of her games! I never want to see her again!” His anger, frustration and incipient
fear moulded his words and he felt himself shaking.

“You will be there,” Imlach said, with menace in his voice, “on the twenty-first as she
instructed.” He touched Thorold’s shoulder, placed his hat upon his head and abruptly
turned to walk away, down the hill.

Thorold did not watch for long. But he had taken only a few steps back toward his shop
when he realized the coldness he had felt was gone.

Around him, he felt he could hear Imlach’s daughter laughing.

IX

Carefully, in the dawn light which entered his room, Mallam refolded the parchment before
hiding it, safely he thought, behind the mirror on the wall. He felt unusually excited, almost
possessed, by a desire to find and steal Lianna’s secret horde.

He found Monica asleep downstairs on the sofa, the house quiet and otherwise quite empty.
He did not like the silence, and turned the radio on loudly.

“Come on, wake up!” He shook Monica several times.

“What?” she mumbled.

“Get up! I want some breakfast,” he demanded.

“What time is it?”

“About four. Come on – I’ve got to go out soon.”

Monica turned over intent on resuming her sleep.

“Get up you lazy bitch!” he shouted.

“Leave me alone,” she mumbled.

“Get up!” he snarled, and shook her again.

“I’m tired.”

“I want some breakfast!”

“Get you own.”

This sign of defiance, meek though it was, enraged Mallam, and he took her by the
shoulders to throw her onto the floor.

“Get off me!” she screamed. In the struggle, she kicked him.

“You whore! You bitch!” Mallam shouted and began to beat her body with his fists.

She tried to protect herself with her arms, but to no avail, and Mallam in his fury, ripped off
her dress.

“You like this, don’t you?” he smirked as he fumbled with the belt on his trousers.

But Monica was crying, and tried desperately to wriggle free. He slapped her face several
times before attempting to kiss her. Suddenly, her flailing hand touched a lamp knocked
over in the struggle and before she was aware of what she was doing, she hit his head with
it several times. He groaned, then collapsed but she pushed his body from her.

He was only stunned by the blows, and she took advantage of this to grasp her dress and
flee from the room and house. Her dress was torn, but she did not care, and she put it on
before running away.
It did not take him long to recover. He changed his clothes, collected a large portion of the
money he had hidden in the house, and left to find her. He toured the streets around the
house in his car, then, finding nothing, drove to her Flat. The streets around the Abbey were
deserted and he parked in the shadow of the large old Benedictine building to wait and
watch the row of terraced houses across the road. A few cars passed while he waited, and
he was soon bored.

He thought the church was mocking him, and he spat in its direction before crossing the
road to unlock the front door with his key. Her Flat was on the ground floor, and faced the
Abbey, a fact that he had detested on his infrequent visits. Quietly, he opened her door and
it did not take him long to wreck her few possessions, and he sat at the table by the window
to wait for her. Her clothes he had torn and scattered on the floor, and with a knife from her
small kitchen he had slashed her bedding, her pictures and anything else he could find. Her
Teddy bear he had disembowelled and set upon the table before him.

The longer he waited, the more frustrated he became until, after hours of waiting, he
smashed the table, the chairs and overturned her bed. Then, hearing movement in the Flat
above, he crept out into the bright sun of morning.

He drove fast and almost recklessly away from the town toward the village of Stredbow,
remembering his greed and his hatred of Lianna. He left his car near the mound of the
church and wandered around the quiet village trying to locate the house and, when he did,
he was not impressed, as a tourist might have been by the black and white half-timbered, if
somewhat restored, house. The front garden of the residence was separated from the
narrow lane by a low wall of large stones, and, set back in a corner of the grounds and
almost obscured by a tree, Mallam saw a small stone building. The stones were worn by the
weather of centuries, and he was considering how best to sneak toward when he knew to
be his goal – whether then or later that night – when a young woman in an old fashioned
dress came out of the house toward him.

Her face was round and her cheeks red and she had gathered her hair in a band behind her
neck.

“It’s a fair old morning, isn’t it?” she asked and smiled.

Immediately, Mallam thought her stupid and dull. “Yes!” he agreed, trying to ingratiate
himself.
“You passing through, then?” She stood by the low wooden gate, resting her hands on its
top.

“Yes. Yes I am.”

“Come far, have you?”

“No, not really.”

“Be a hot day, again.”

“Yes. I don’t suppose,” he asked and smiled at her, “there is anywhere I could get a cup of
tea. Only I’ve been driving all night.”

“Can’t say as I can think of anywhere. Lest ways, not round here.”

“Oh.” He tried to sound disappointed.

“You must be hot – in all them black clothes.”

“Yes – I am a bit.”

“Well – “ she began before looking him over, letting her eyes linger for a while on his crotch,
“I suppose I could see my way to letting you have some water. You want to come into my
kitchen? It’s cool in there – and what with you being so hot.”

“Yes, that would be fine.” He concealed his glee.

“Follow me, then.”

He did, his mind already full of scheming.

“Sit yourself down.”

The kitchen was large, cool and full of old furnishings. Bunches of drying herbs hung from
the walls, and rows of cork-stoppered glass jars adorned nearly all the other spaces. Most
seemed to contain herbs or spices but a few appeared to Mallam to contain parts of animals
or insects. He could not be sure for the strong odours made him feel dizzy.

“Sit you down.”

She brought him an earthenware mug full of water, which she placed on the old table beside
him.

“Good water, that is. From the well. None of your piped stuff.”

Mallam drank, and began to feel better. “You have a well, then?” he asked.

“Been here for centuries, that well.”

“That old building in your garden – that’s not it, is it?

“That? No – that belongs to her!” She almost spat the last word out.

“Who?”

“She herself who owns this house – and most of the village. You mark my words, one day
that family will pay for what its done!”

“So that old building is not yours, then?”

“Keeps it locked, she does. Once or twice a year she comes to it. Nobody I know has seen
inside.”

“You don’t like her then?”

“No one here does, I tell you. For as long as anyone can remember her family have owned
all the land here - and the houses what’s in them.”

The woman looked around while she spoke, and Mallam guessed she was afraid.

“She herself does not live here, in the village?”

“Why no! Got a big house in Shrewsbury town, she has. And others elsewhere – abroad, as
well. You feeling better now, then?”

“Yes, thanks.”

“You’d best be going.”

Mallam sensed the sudden change in her mood, as if her resentment had overcome all her
other feelings. Mallam had no doubt that the woman had referred to Lianna, and he began
to form a plan of action in his mind.

“The water is good, as you said. Can I take some with me?”

“If you like. I got an empty bottle somewhere.”

“Your husband out, then?

She filled the bottle from an urn by the sink before answering. “In the fields, yes. Since
dawn.”

“You must get lonely.”

“There, take that with you.” She handed him the bottle. Its shape and rubber stopper gave
away its age.

Mallam stood up to face her. “I’ll bring the bottle back, if you wish.”
“If you like.”

“I often pass this way. Well, nearby.”

They stood watching each other. Mallam felt she was waiting for him to make the first
gesture of their intent, and he was about to raise his hand to touch her face when she
turned away.

“Folk around here talk,” she said. “You’d best be away.”

She walked him to the door, where he said, “What would be the best time for me to call for
more water?”

“Sunday, after dark. Wait by there.” She indicated the stone building.

“Until then.” He did not look back as he walked along the path, through the gate and back
up along the lane toward his car, elated by his success and his plan. She would, he thought,
be easy to control. He had seen the desire plain on her face, sensed her frustration. He had
it all worked out in his mind – a homely woman, young and burdened with a desire her hard-
working husband could not or would not fulfill. He would play his role, and gain access to
the building, which he was certain would contain the treasure of the Templars.

Happy and contented, he drove away from the village. He would forget about Monica – she
was just another whore, and there were plenty more, as there were plenty more girls ready
to be enticed into his group. Maurice Rhiston, he felt sure, would not fail him.

Thorold spent the hours of the morning walking slowly or sitting by the river as it wound its
way through the town, and when he did return to his Apartment he was tired and thirsty and
still thinking about Lianna. For once, the hot sun in a clear deep blue sky did not bring forth
a mood of peace and contentment, and he trudged wearily up the short overgrown path that
led from the river to the road of his dwelling.
A woman was sitting on his doorstep, and he sighed, thinking of Lianna and the games she
played with people. The woman was a pitiful sight to him – her face was swollen, she was
barefoot and her dark dress was torn. She saw him approaching, and rose.

“Hello!” he said like a simpleton.

Monica smiled at him.

“Can I help you?” he asked. She nodded, but said nothing and Thorold could see the fear in
her eyes. “You’d better come in,” he said.

Across the street he could see a net-curtain twitching in the bottom Apartment. His dwelling
was stuffy and hot, and he opened all the windows. By the time he had finished the woman
had curled up and fallen asleep on the sofa. He covered her with a blanket. She was young;
her oval face enchanting despite the swelling, and Thorold searched his own wardrobes for
suitable clothes for her, which might fit.

For hours she slept, and when she did awake, he sat by her on the floor.

“Would you like some tea?” he asked.

“You haven’t got anything stronger, have you?”

“Sorry, no. But I do have a good selection of teas. Any preference?”

“Not really.” Her smile was forced.

“Are you hungry?”

“A little, yes.”

“Some toast, then?”

“That would be nice. You’re very kind.”

Embarrassed, Thorold stood up. “Mind if I ask,” he said as he busied himself in his kitchen,
“what you were doing on my doorstep.”

“Waiting for you of course!”

“I suppose that is logical. There are some clothes there, if you want to try them.”

“Thanks, I will. You have a bathroom, I presume.”

“Down the hall, second door.”

She returned wearing a shirt several sizes too large and a pair of jeans that almost fitted. He
presented her with a tray containing teapot, jug of milk, cup and saucer and a plate of
buttered toast.

“I was right about you,” she said softly, taking the tray.

“Since we have not met, Thorold said, “may I introduce myself?”

“Thorold West,” she replied.

“Ah! My fame precedes me! And you are?”

“Monica.”

“Well, Monica, I suppose that a certain lady sent you?”

“Sorry?”

“Lianna. Or perhaps I should say Alledone.”

“No.”

“But you do know her?”

“Not exactly. Perhaps I should explain.”

“It might help – after you’ve finished your tea, of course.”

He sat beside her, and waited, occasionally smiling when she stole a look at his face.

“The person who did this –“ she gestured toward her face, “was watching you because you
were involved with that woman. He was an ex-pupil of hers but they disagreed about his
activities.”

Thorold guessed her meaning. “Young girls?”

“You know, then?”

“Just a guess. What’s his name?”

“Mallam. Edgar Mallam.”

“And he did that to you?”

“Yes.”

Thorold’s objectivity began to disappear. The film he had seen, the physically abused
woman who sat beside him, his own fading but still present and mixed feelings about
Lianna, all combined to undermine his calm resigned acceptance of the world and its darker
deeds.

“He sent me to follow you – once,” she said.

“I must be more observant in the future!” When she did not return his smile, he said, “tell me
about yourself – only if you want though.”

“And if I do – will you still help me?”

“It is my help you want, then?”

“Yes. I want out. I’m finished with them.”

Slowly at first, then with increasing confidence as she saw he was not repulsed or
disapproving, she explained about her life. The parties at University, the half-serious
searching for new experiences which led her and some friends into a kind of ‘Black Magick’
sect and a meeting with Mallam. It had been, for her, a game at first – a revolt against her
upbringing, her parents and what she saw as society. She had enjoyed herself – and was
gradually drawn deeper and deeper into the activities of this sect.

“I knew what was going on,” she concluded. “At first, I did not care. Then he – Mallam –
chose me as his Priestess. I was flattered. I had power over others and for a long time I
thought I was in love with him. But I began to feel disturbed at some things he and the
others were doing. Then this – it sobered me up!” She laughed, a little, at herself. “I should
have come to you sooner. I spent yesterday and last night hiding in the town.”

“How do you know you can trust me?”

She sighed. “I have to start somewhere – trusting someone. Anyway – you’ve got a kind
face!”

“Have you thought of going to the Police?”

“Yes – but what could they do? They need evidence.”

“You could give them plenty.”

“Not really. Now I’m gone he’ll change all of his arrangements – even the places they use.”
“Any you still fear him?”

“Yes,” she said quietly.

“Do you live in Shrewsbury?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I thought – “

“I couldn’t go back there!” He’s probably got someone watching the place.”

“What do you intend to do?”

“I know it’s asking a lot, but could I stay here - at least for a few days?”

Thorold liked living by himself, but his compassion for the woman overcame his objections.
“Well, actually, I suppose so – for a few days.’

“You are kind!” And she kissed him.

Embarrassed again, Thorold stood up. “We could go to your place and collect some clothes
for you. Those are not exactly a good fit.”

“He might be waiting,” she said softly.

“Is that so? I’ll telephone for a taxi, then.”

The wait and the journey were not long, and he stood beside her while she rang the doorbell
of the Flat above.

“Hi!” she said in greeting to the dishevelled man who opened the door. “Forgot my front
door key again! Sorry!”

The man yawned, scratched his face and sauntered back up the stairs.

“Can you?” Monica asked Thorold, pointing at the door to her Flat.

“Are you sure?”

“I won’t be coming back here again.”

Thorold tested the door, stepped back, and kicked it hard, bursting the lock open. Monica
said nothing about the devastation Mallam had caused, but stood by the window, cuddling
her torn Teddy bear and crying while Thorold began to sort through the devastation to find
undamaged clothes and belongings. He found a suitcase for his collection, took Monica’s
hand and led her, still crying and clutching her bear, out to where the taxi waited. He saw no
one watching them, or following the taxi, and relaxed, wanting to hold her hand as a gesture
but unwilling to commit himself in case his gesture was misunderstood.

Books adorned the floor and bed of his spare room, and on his return he removed them.

“Come on,” he said as she sat still on his sofa holding the bear. “I shall show you your
room, and then we can begin.”

She looked at him nervously, so he added, “finding evidence to use against him.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I presume you want to.”

“What?” she asked defensively.

“Find evidence?”

“I suppose so. I hadn’t really thought about it. I just wanted to get away. I have no friends
here – he saw to that.”

“Can you drive?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“But I don’t have a license. Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you involved – in her activities?”

“The mysterious Lianna Alledone herself you mean?”

“No. She bought some books and manuscripts form me. That’s all.”

“Really?” Her expression was of surprise and belief in what he had said.

He did not want to lie to her. “Well, there was something else, but that is over now.”

She smiled, and held up her bear. “Let me introduce you. Reginald, say hello to Thorold.”
She waved his paw.

“Hello, Reginald!” a bemused Thorold said.

“Regi to his friends.”

“Hello Regi!”
“Do you have a needle and some thread?”

“Somewhere. Going to do a bit of minor surgery, then?”

She patted Regi’s head. “It’s alright, Regi, it won’t hurt. Honest.”

Thorold sighed. “I hope I’m not going to regret this.”

“What – lending me a needle and thread?”

It was not what he meant, and she knew it, as he instantly understood her playfulness. He
felt comfortable with her and re-assured – for in the first moments of their meeting he had
liked her. Unwilling to think about his feelings further, he said, “You know where he lives?”

“Yes.”

“Then I suggest we eat, provide ourselves with some transport and begin our quest.”

She saluted in good-humoured mockery. “Just one thing, General.”

“Yes?”

“Can I have a bath first, please?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

A speeding car braked suddenly in the road outside and he saw Monica wince and hold her
bear tightly. It was only a car avoiding a strolling cat, and as he returned from looking out
the window, her fear made him resolve to seek out and destroy Mallam: her tormentor and
the molester of children. His resolution made him forget both his dreams about, and his
memories of, Lianna.
 XI

Several times, while Monica lay in his bath singing to herself, Thorold resisted the
temptation to wander into the bathroom on some pretext or other. Instead, he busied himself
by telephoning one of his few friends.

He spoke quietly, not wishing to be overheard, and ended the conversation abruptly when
Monica entered the room, dressed in some of her rescued clothes.

“I shall see you shortly, then,” he said and replaced the telephone receiver.

“A friend?” Monica asked.

“Just arranging some transport. Are you ready?”

“What for?”

“I thought we would eat out.”

“That would be nice.” She went toward him to kiss him to thank him for his kindness, and
then decided against it, thinking he might misinterpret her gesture.

The evening was humid; the sun hazy and there was no breeze to cool them as they walked
the streets that took them to the centre of the town. The restaurant Thorold chose was
small, its food plain but wholesome and its windows overlooked the river – a fact which
appealed to him. The waiter recognized him, and pretended not to see Monica’s swollen
face.

“Good evening, Mr. West. A table by the window?”

Thorold nodded, embarrassed, believing Monica would think he had chosen the restaurant
to impress her.

They ate in silence for a long time until Thorold said, “what do you know about Mallam’s
connection with Lianna?

“Not much. He approached her about a year ago - wanted to learn about her tradition.”

“Which is what?”

“What she called the seven-fold sinister way – or something similar.”

“Satanism?”

“Not it the conventional sense. Our friend Mallam,” and she smiled, “takes that route. He
showed me a book she had given him.”

“Oh, yes?”

“The Black Book of Satan I believe it was called. She believes that each individual can
achieve greatness: but that must come through self-insight. There are certain rituals –
ceremonies – to bring this.”

“And Mallam?”

“He wants power and pleasure – for himself.”

“And is prepared to do anything to achieve it.”

“Yes.”

“But she – Lianna – still uses people.”

“Yes. I think she was using Edgar. But why and for what purpose, I don’t know. In her book I
remember reading about members of the sect being given various tests and led into diverse
experiences. These were supposed to develop their personality.”
“Doesn’t sound like Satanism to me.”

“Well, some of the experiences involved confronting the dark or shadow aspect: that hidden
self which lies in us all. Liberating it through experiences. Then rising above it.”

“And Mallam and his cronies? They wallow in their dark side – without transcending it?”

“Something like that. Enough of him – tell me about yourself. If you want to, that is.”

“Not much to tell, actually.”

“That’s not what I’ve heard.”

Thorold soon hid his surprise. “Oh, yes?”

“He found out about your past,” she said softly.

“Is that why you came to me?”

“Yes.”

Thorold smiled. “And I thought it was just because of my kind face!”

“So it’s true?”

“That depends. How did he come by such information?”

“Someone involved in the sect was once a Policeman – through his contacts.”

Thorold sighed. He had guessed that Lianna had discovered at least something about his
past, but this new revelation dismayed him, although not for long.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“Not really.”

“That’s fine by me. I’m not as bad as you think. Your past is yours, just as mine is mine.
What is important is what we are now.”

“Your past does not matter to me.”

“Likewise.” And she smiled.

“However did you become involved with such people? Thorold sighed.

“Not the type you mean?”

“Not really. How did you become involved?”

“I suppose – “ She stopped, waiting until the waiter had removed their dishes and served
them coffee. “I just wanted more and more ‘highs’. I remember I used to find that with men –
the first intimate touch, the first French kiss, and then the exploration of the new. Of course,
what followed was good. Well, some of the time,” she laughed. “But – I don’t know – it was,
how can I say, the excitement, the build-up that really got me. I just couldn’t get enough of
that feeling. What Mallam and his sect offered seemed – at the time – just an extension of
that.”

“I do know what you mean. It’s why I used to do what I did. There was an ecstasy there – a
feeling, which made me, exult. Most men fight not because of idealism or patriotism or
whatever, but because they enjoy it. They like living on the edge of death. It gives them a
feeling that ordinary life cannot match.”

For a long time they looked at each other until he said: “I used to live with that feeling – or
searched for it, like you perhaps, but in a different way.”

“Then something happens to bring you down to reality.”

“Usually other people.”

“A big slap in the face - literally, with me!” she laughed at her own misfortune. “So what
happened to you?”

“I won’t bore you with the details – you know the rest, I’m sure.”

“But the Court of Inquiry exonerated you?”

“That does not stop people talking.”

“So you resigned.”

“Only way. I put it all behind me – to live quietly.”

“Until now.”

“I suppose I knew it couldn’t last forever. You don’t change that much in a decade. Not deep
inside. You only pretend to yourself. I’ve just stopped pretending.”

“So now what?”

“I pay the bill and we go. That’s enough talking!”

Outside, the streets were busy with people, the road burdened by traffic flowing past the
monument to Hotspur, past the tall spire of St. Mary’s church to descend down the
steepness of Wyle Cop.

“He does not live far,” said Thorold unhelpfully.

“Who?”
“Oh, didn’t I say? The chap who is going to lend me his motorcycle.”

-------

“You must know him well,” Monica said as she struggled into the leather motorcycle suit.

Thorold ignored the remark. “You’re about the same size as his wife, fortunately. Hope the
helmet fits.”

“I hope you can drive that thing,” she said, pointing at the gleaming, powerful motorcycle
that Thorold had brought back from the terraced house in the narrow alley near the railway
bridge and a strip of waste ground covered in second-hand cars for sale at bargain prices.

“I had a few lessons – a few years ago,” he joked.

The visors on both helmets were tinted, the suits black, and Thorold felt good as he skillfully
rode along the streets out toward the suburb where Monica had told him Mallam lived.
Darkness came as they rode, then lightning and thunder to herald the storm. The house
was on a new estate that had expanded the western boundary of the town, and they waited
nearby while lights showed in the house. The storm passed, and their patience was
rewarded, as twilight settled.

It was not difficult for Thorold to follow Mallam’s car along the roads of west and south
Shropshire, but he was surprised when Mallam took the turning that led to the village of
Stredbow. He left the bike a discreet distance behind where Mallam had parked his car and
walked, with Monica, in the fading light in the direction Mallam had taken.

A diffuse light from an upstairs window made Mallam visible as he crept into the garden of
the house, and Thorold recognized the woman who was waiting as the one Lianna had
spoken to when she had brought him to the village. He could not hear what was said
between them as he crouched by the garden wall, but he saw the woman point to the
window then to the darkness that shrouded the back of the garden. He did not follow them
further.

Mallam was not away for long. The light showed him nervously glancing around as he stood
by the stone building in the garden. He tried the door, fumbled with the heavy padlock,
glanced around several times more before almost creeping toward the gate.
Hurriedly, Thorold pushed Monica down to the ground. He could hear her breathing as he
lay close to her, but Mallam neither heard nor saw them as they huddled close to the wall in
the shielding dark, and they were left to slowly rise and follow him back to his car.

Somewhere among the houses near the mound, a dog howled.

XII

Mallam led them not to his house, but over the hills toward the Welsh border. Thorold
thought the roads familiar, but it was only as Mallam came to his destination that Thorold
realized where they were – near the track that led to the circle of stones Lianna had shown
him.

“I wish I had brought a camera,” he whispered to Monica as they lay, under the cover of the
ferns, watching the group that had assembled within the stones. Lanterns, holding candles,
were spread around the ground and in their light the ritual unfolded. Mallam had bedecked
himself in a black cloak.

“Our Father which wert in heaven,” they heard the assembly chant, “hallowed be thy Name,
in heaven as it is on Earth. Give us this day our ecstasy and deliver us to evil as well as
temptation, few we are your kingdom for aeons and aeons.”

A woman was stripped, and bound to one of the larger standing stones. There were more
chants, people in black robes dancing anti-sunwise inside the circle, dramatic invocations by
Mallam, and a ritual scourging of the woman who was bound.

“Provide us pleasure, Prince of Darkness,” Thorold heard a man say, “and help us to fulfill
our desires!”

The balding, slightly overweight man unbound the woman, pushed her to the ground, and
began to copulate with her, while others gathered around, clapping their hands and chanting
to their Prince.
Thorold was not impressed. “It takes all sorts, I suppose,” he said quietly to Monica. “That
the sort of thing you used to be involved in?”

“Yes.”

“No one under age I can see.”

“Those sorts of things are never done in the open.”

The balding man interested Thorold. “We might as well wait until they’ve finished.”

It was a long wait, and several times Thorold almost fell asleep. When the revellers did
leave, he followed not Mallam, but the man he had watched. His trailing of Rhiston led him
back to a prosperous riverside house in Shrewsbury town – a house almost visible from
Thorold’s own Apartment across the water.

For almost an hour they waited outside.

“Well, that’s one down, ten to go,” he said as he indicated to Monica that they should go.

He was glad to return to the peace of his own dwelling. He had removed his leather suit
when Monica said, “Can you help?” She was struggling to free herself from hers.

“It’s a bit tight,” she said.

Thorold smiled. “You’re somewhat larger in some places than she is.”

She lay on the floor while he pulled on the legs of the suit. He fell backwards and banged
his head against a bookcase. He did not mind her laughter, and held his hand out to help
her up from the floor. She stood in front of him, still holding onto his hand, and she had
closed her eyes in anticipation of his kiss when someone knocked, very loudly, on the door
of his Apartment.

Thorold sighed, before leaving to walk down the stairs.

“Yes?” he said gruffly as he opened the door.

“She has sent me,” the man outside said.

It was as he spoke that Thorold recognized Imlach.

“So?” Thorold replied, annoyed.

“She does not like your interference.”

“My what?”

“You are to leave a certain gentleman alone. He is her concern, not yours.”

“Is that so?”

“She kindly requests you not bother him – or any members of his group.”

“Oh, really?”

Imlach moved closer to him. “You’d best heed her advice. For your own sake.”

“Tell her from me I’m not playing her games anymore and I’ll do what I like!” He slammed
the door shut.

Imlach knocked loudly on the door, but when Thorold thrust it open in anger, he could see
no one. He looked around, but the streets were quiet and still. Upstairs he found Monica
asleep on the bed in his spare room. He covered her with a blanket before closing her door
and settling down to listen to music, keeping the volume low.

But the music did not still his feelings as he had hoped, and he spend a listless hours,
listening, attempting to read, and thinking about Monica, Lianna and Mallam. When he did
retire to his bed, strange dreams came again. He was on a cliff above the sea when a man
leapt upon him from behind and tried to stab him. A woman was nearby, and it was Lianna,
laughing. He wrestled the knife away from the man, and stabbed him by accident. Only then
did he see the man’s face. It was his own, and the man lay dead, while Lianna stripped
away her clothes to offer him her body. He moved toward her, aroused and disgusted at the
same time but she changed herself into Monica and he awoke, clawing at the humid air in
his room.

He lay awake, then, restless and troubled, and when sleep came again he dreamt of his
shop. There was a doorway among the shelves where he knew no door existed but he
opened it to walk down stone steps into a cavern. Mallam was there, bent over a stone altar
on which Monica lay tied and bound. He began to move toward them but he found himself
paralyzed and when he could move it was slowly and painfully. Monica kept looking at him,
her eyes pleading and helpless, but then he was alone, riding the motorcycle around the
circle of ancient stones, faster and faster. There was a sudden mist, and he could not stop,
crashing into the largest stone. He felt sad, lying on the ground knowing he was dying – for
there was so much he wanted to do. The mist seemed to form into Lianna’s face, then of
her holding in her arms a baby. ‘You will never know your daughter,’ she said. He awoke
again, to lie tired but unable to sleep, and was glad when dawn came, bringing light to his
room.

He left Monica asleep to spend a few hours alone, thinking about his life and his dreams,
before breakfasting and leaving her a note about his intended surveillance.

Rhiston, in his car, was easy to follow among the morning traffic that took most of the
vehicle occupants to their work, and Thorold was pleased with his success. He watched
Rhiston park his car in front of the large office building before returning to his Apartment.

Monica, obviously watching from his window, came out into the street to greet him, smiling
happily. Thorold was glad, and it seemed natural that he should embrace her. He liked the
feel of her body, but she drew away to take the helmet from his hand and lead him, her
other hand in his, toward the door. Before he could speak, a car drew up alongside and
Thorold recognized Lianna.

“So,” she said as she stood in the road near them, “this is how you repay me!” She stared at
Monica.

Thorold could not understand her sudden anger toward him. “Were you following me?” he
asked.
Lianna ignored the question. “I told you to stop but you took no notice of my words.”

“Why should I?” He could feel Monica tighten her grip on his hand.

“You do not understand,” said Lianna haughtily. “Great things are at stake.”

“Is that so?”

“You deserve better than the likes of her!” She looked at Monica with contempt.

“Really?”

“Leave her – now, and come with me.”

“No!”

For several seconds Lianna did not speak. “You are a fool!” she finally said.

“Goodbye, then.”

Lianna stared at Monica. “You will pay for this!”

“I – “ Monica began to say.

“I think you’d better leave her alone,” Thorold said to Lianna, a trace of anger in his voice.

Lianna laughed. “I’m not finished with you either!”

“Go play your games somewhere else.” He turned away, led Monica into his Apartment and
shut the door without even looking at Lianna.
“She seemed a little angry,” Monica said as they, from the window, watched her drive away.

Thorold shrugged her shoulders. “Jealous of you, I guess.”

“And does she have reason to be jealous?”

“Yes.”

She turned toward him and kissed him. It was a long kiss. “Does she frighten you?” Monica
asked at its end.

“No, actually.”

“I think Edgar is afraid of her.”

“Are you?” He stood beside her but she still held his hand.

“No. Well – perhaps a little.” She shivered.

“Shall we go and see what your old friend Edgar is up to, then?”

“What, now?”

“Yes.” He understood her look and touched her playfully on the end of her nose with his
finger. “We have plenty of time.”

“Good,” she smiled, and kissed him again.

“On the hand, Mallam can wait,“ he said as he began to unbutton her dress.

XIII
For Mallam, the day passed quietly. A van, driven by a trusted member, arrived early in the
morning and he helped in the loading of cult and Temple equipment, including the video
cameras and lights. A few telephone calls, and a safe haven was found - a place unknown,
he knew to Monica. The removal had not taken him long, and he smiled as the van left,
thinking of the rituals to come.

The sun of the afternoon saw him in the neighbouring town of Telford, visiting a house in a
quiet street in Dawley where some of his ladies brought their clients. One girl, just
seventeen, still looked much younger and she was seldom alone on the streets for long. He
arrived at the house as she was leaving for the third time that day.

“Hi. Jenny!” he said in greeting. “You alright?”

“Sure!”

“No problems?” She was his most lucrative girl to date, and he intended to keep it that way.

“No. See ya!”

“Jess in?” he asked.

“Sure!” She waved and walked away to find another client.

Jess was a smiling man of Caribbean appearance with the physique of a wrestler, and he
looked after the practical aspects of Mallam’s business. Their business that day did not take
long. Jess gave him a pile of money which Mallam counted before giving half of it back.

“Any problems?” Mallam asked.

“Not one. I tell you it's too quiet.”

“Got a new house lined up – if we need to move.”

“Any new girls?”

“Maybe soon. I’ll see you next week.”

“Sure thing!”

Outside, in the warm sun, he could see no one watching the house but still drove carefully
away, checking several times to ensure he was not being followed, and he drove slowly
back to Shrewsbury arriving at Rhiston’s house at the time he had arranged.

“You have no trouble arranging time off?” he asked as Rhiston came out to greet him.

“Not at all!”

“Good.”

“Your wife in?”

“Yes.”

“Excellent.”

Inside the house, Mallam greeted Rhiston’s wife by kissing her hand. She was pleased by
this gesture as well as by the look, and smile, which he gave her, unaware that this charm
was a net closing around her.

“Could you,” Mallam asked Rhiston, “get my briefcase from my car?” He held out his car
keys.

“Yes. Yes, of course,” the obsequious Maurice said.

Mallam waited until he was gone. “Jane, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Yes.” She smiled.

“You’re more attractive than I was led to believe.”

“Maurice said you used to work in his department. Is that right?”

“Only for a brief time,” he lied, convincingly. “I’m having a small party – tomorrow night –
and wondered if you’d like to come. He paused for effect. “With your husband, of course.”

“That would be nice.”

“I shall look forward to seeing you there.”

Rhiston returned, bearing the unwanted case. But Mallam took it, saying, “Shall we retire to
your room? That computer program you wanted to show me?”

“Ah, yes!” He turned to his wife. “We’ll be about an hour, dear.”

In the bedroom, Rhiston quickly set up his binoculars on a stand behind the curtains, before
handing Mallam photographs of the girl.

“Not bad!” Mallam said. “Not bad at all!”

“She should not be long, now. A creature of habit,” and he smiled his lecherous smile.

“You seem more settled now.”

”Oh, I am, I am!”

“Good. There is a quote from de Sade, which always appealed to me. It goes something
like – in translation of course! – “The pleasures of crime must not be restrained. I know
them. If the imagination has not thought of everything, if one’s hand one hand has not
executed everything, it is impossible for the delirium to be complete because there is always
the feeling of remorse: I could have done more and I have not done it. The person who, like
us, is eagerly pursuing the career of vice, can never forgive a lost opportunity because
nothing can make it good…” Mallam smiled. “You agree?”

“Naturally, naturally! You and your group have opened my eyes. I cannot stop now.”

“Excellent. I am having a party tomorrow night. Nothing special – just some friends. Bring
your wife.”

“Jane?”

“Yes.” Then: “you seem unsure.”

“No, not really. Just surprised.” He wanted to ask, but dared not.

“Does this work?” Mallam asked, pointing to the computer.

”No. But I could set it up for you, if you wish.”

“Our prey has arrived,” Mallam announced. He watched the girl through the binoculars for
some time before saying, “she is most suitable.”

“I’m glad you are pleased.”

“I shall make the necessary arrangements. Should they be successful – “

“I’m sure they will!”

“ – I can arrange for you to be the first. There will be expenses, and so on.”

“I do understand.”

“How soon can you have the money ready?”

“Next week. I have savings.”

“Tomorrow.”

Yes. Yes, of course. Can I ask how you will - I mean, how she will be…”

“I have experience in these matters.” She had gone from her room, and he studied the
photographs again. “A pretty young thing. At such an age, they all have a weakness. With
her – a wish to be a model, perhaps. Some infatuation with a celebrity. Whatever – there
are ways.”

“Do go on, it’s fascinating.”

“Have her followed – find out where her haunts are. A chance meeting – then an offer
suited to her weakness. Perhaps a few legitimate modelling sessions. Then disguise the
ritual as one, get her drunk. You know the rest.”

“I admire your cleverness! And after?”

“Depends on her – how she reacts. If she takes to it, fine. If not, let her go. If her family
doesn’t care or she wants away from them for whatever reason, draw her in.” He turned to
stare at Rhiston. “I’ve told you all this because for some reason I like you. I’m going abroad
for a while, and want someone to handle things here.”

“I’m very flattered that you should consider me.”

“You’ve proved yourself. But first, there is something I want you to do for me.”

”Anything. Just ask.”

“Tomorrow, after our little party, I have some business to attend to, not far from here. You
will assist me.”

“As you wish.”

The warm weather had brought people into their gardens, and as Mallam stood fingering the
photographs again, he could hear children playing happily and noisily under the heat of the
summer sun. The sounds pleased him, because he understood them as part of a society he
despised. To him, the people in the houses, no less than their children, were important only
insofar as they might offer him the opportunities to indulge both his own pleasure and
power. He felt himself different from them in a fundamental way – a prince among slaves –
and the fact that society had passed laws in favour of them and what he saw as their utterly
futile and wasteful ways of living, made him aware of his own genius even more. He knew
with an arrogant certainty that he could outwit them and their laws – and he enjoyed doing
so, planning and scheming and reaping his rewards, financial and physical and mental.

He believed, sincerely in his own way, in the powers of the Prince of Darkness. To the Devil
he had dedicated his life – his Prince had given him power over ordinary mortals, and he
used that power for his own glory and that of his god. With Lianna’s treasure and his own
powers and genius, he would be invincible.

Pleased with himself, he began to laugh.

XIV

Thorold awoke slowly. Monica’s arm rested on his chest and her face was near his,
peaceful, as she slept. He watched her before caressing her shoulders.

“I have to go out,” he said as she opened her eyes.

“Want me to come?” she said sleepily.

“Only if you want to. Just going to put a note in my shop window. I shouldn’t be long.”

“What time is it?”

“Eleven o’clock.”
“Still early, then.”

“We’ll go out for lunch when I get back.”

“Fine.”

She was asleep as he left the bedroom. Vaguely, she heard him leave the Apartment as,
some time after; she vaguely heard a knock on the bedroom door.

“He should really lock his door when he leaves,” a woman’s voice said.

Startled, Monica sat up. Lianna leaned against the door frame, smiling mischievously.

“What do you want?” Monica asked, angry and afraid at the same time.

“Just a little chat. I have a proposition to put to you.”

“I think it would be better if you left.”

“This will not take long. I have here,” and she held up an attaché case, “ten thousand
pounds in cash. Plus a train ticket – first class naturally – to London. There in a train in half
an hour. I shall of course drive you to the railway station.”

“He will be back in a minute.”

“Not so. Such a charming man, but so open to magickal persuasion.” She took a square of
parchment inscribed with magickal sigils from the pocket of her dress, glanced at it and
smiled before returning it. “So you see, you have no option.”

“Please go.”

“I should explain. If you do not accept my little gift then you will be arrested and charged
with possession of certain drugs. Before I came here, I visited your Flat. Such a mess. You
will be pleased to hear that I have had the place tidied. One telephone call – and a valuable
find by the Police. If you care to look out from the window you will see my car and a
gentleman within it waiting. So useful, those new car telephones!”

“I would deny everything.”

“Of course. But you had a conviction at University, did you not? Only cannabis then – but
we all know, do we not, what the next stage usually is. Then there is the little matter of a
certain video, which had by some chance come into my possession. You may not recall it –
so many such things made, I understand – but there are certain scenes in it which certain
newspapers would enjoy describing. They would no doubt publish some of the photographs.”

Lianna’s smile was almost mocking. “I have of course used only that material which does
not feature a certain person who, until yesterday, you were somewhat well acquainted with.”

“You seemed to have planned things well.”

“I always do.”

“Why is Thorold so important to you that you want me out of the way? I don’t believe for one
moment that you are jealous of me.”

“It is not important for you to know the reason.”

“I want to know – and then,” she said resignedly, “I might accept your offer.”

“A wise decision. It makes things much more civilized. I had other things planned, of course,
if you had resisted.”

”Tell me then.”

“About Thorold?”

“Yes.”

“Since you are going, I suppose it will do no harm. All I will say is that something is about to
occur – something very special which takes place only every fifty or so years.”

“And for this Thorold is important?”

“It could well be,” Lianna smiled. “Now gather your belongings since you have a train to
catch.”

“Mind if I check the case?” Monica asked.

“I shall leave it with you – while you dress.”

Monica did not bother to count the money. She was ready and prepared to leave when she
surreptitiously placed two of the ten pound notes she had extracted from the case under the
motorcycle helmet as it lay on the bookcase in Thorold’s living room. She did not look back
as she left the Apartment.

-------

It was partly the sunny weather, partly Monica waiting asleep in his bed, that prompted
Thorold’s decision – or so he thought at the time. The message in the window of his shop –
announcing an ‘illness’ forcing closure for a week – he left to ride the borrowed motorcycle
back to the house of its owner.

Jake was the opposite of Thorold in almost every way. Broad when Thorold was sinewy; tall
where Thorold was only of medium height; bearded and with many tattoos on his arms.
Thorold was quiet by nature, serious and determined, while Jake was naturally boisterous
with an amiable attitude toward life – unless provoked. He had been easily provoked, until
marriage calmed him a little. Their unusual friendship had been forged in the unusual years
which made Thorold’s past interesting and intriguing, to some who knew of it or who had
discovered it.

Thorold had hardly entered the narrow alley beside the terraced house when Jake
descended upon him. He inspected the bike carefully while Thorold stood and watched in
amusement.

“I don’t suppose,” Thorold said, “you want to sell?”

Jake glared at him, then smiled. “No way!”

“I didn’t think you would. You free for a bit, then?”

“Why?” he asked cautiously.

“Need your advice.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I thought I might buy something similar.”

“You serious?”

“Yes. Can’t really afford it – but still.”

“She’s really got to you, ain’t she?” He thumped Thorold on the back in a friendly gesture.
But Thorold was almost knocked over.

“Not at all – I just thought I might as well make use of this suit and helmet I bought. I had it
in mind when I bought them, in fact,” he said trying to convince himself. “Sitting behind you
a few times a year – well, it’s a bit of waste.”

“I’ll get me helmet, then.”

The staff at Thorold’s Bank were helpful and showed no surprise at him wishing to draw
from his account what, for him, was a large amount cash, and he let Jake drive him to a
succession of motorcycle dealers where machines were discussed, touched, sat upon and
inspected. After less than an hour, Thorold made his decision. He bade his friend farewell
and walked back toward his Apartment, eagerly anticipating the collection of his present to
himself later that afternoon.

At first, on ascending the stairs that led up from his front door, he assumed Monica’s
absence to be temporary – a walk perhaps, by the river, or a visit to a shop nearby. But then
he found her clothes and suitcase missing, and he became sad without quiet knowing why
he was sad. His sadness did not last, for he thought of Mallam forcing her away against her
will.

The idea angered him, and he smashed his fist against his bookcase. The bookcase shook,
moving the helmet and revealing the money. He held the money in his hand, feeling the
newness of the banknotes, and wondering, and the more he thought the more it became
clear to him that it was not Mallam, but Lianna who was responsible. He knew Monica had
had no money of her own. Mallam certainly would not have given her any or left such a
small amount, hidden under his helmet she had used, for him to eventually find. His
reasoning brought him to the conclusion that Lianna had left him the money – as an insult or
gesture. And this displeased him more. Perhaps Monica had been involved with Lianna?

He refused to believe this, and wander around his dwelling without purpose, occasionally
thumping a wall or a door, frustrated and angry – with himself, Lianna and the world. Then,
quite suddenly, it occurred to him that Monica might have left the money as an explanation.
Immediately, he understood – or hoped he did, for he grabbed his own helmet, then hers, to
run down his stairs and out into the street, returning after a few yards as he remembered to
lock his door.

Fine wisps of high white cirrus clouds had begun to cover the blue of the sky, dimming the
sun. But the sun was still hot, sweating Thorold as he ran enclosed in his leather suit toward
the centre of the town.

XV

It did not take Thorold as long as he had expected, even though he had run only for about
the first mile. A taxicab waited outside the entrance to the railway station, and he was glad
to let it convey him the rest of the distance. Several times he checked to ascertain whether
any vehicle was following him.

But Monica was not there, as he had expected and hoped, and he sat on the low wall that
marked Jake’s rear garden, not wanting to think about the consequences of his now obvious
misunderstanding. Neither Jake nor his wife came in answer to Thorold’s repeated thumps
on the door of the house, and he removed his suit to let the sun and breeze dry his sweat.
When an hour of waiting became two and brought scuttering low clouds to smother at
intervals the searing heat of the sun, he folded his suit under his arm, collected the helmets,
and began to walk slowly along the traffic lined streets, over the English Bridge and into the
centre of town.

His new motorcycle, powerful and gleaming as Jake’s had been, brought him only a brief
sparkle of pleasure, and he rode without any enthusiasm out and away from the town. But
he could not dismiss Monica from his mind and rode dangerously fast, back to his
Apartment.

She was not there – no one was – and without any hope left, he returned to Jake’s house,
intent only on intoxicating himself at best by sharing Jake’s prodigious supply of beer or at
worst by patronizing the nearby Inn.

But she was there, waiting as he had waited, sitting on the wall, and he stopped, stood his
bike on its stand and removed his helmet while she stood and smiled. He wanted to rush
toward her and embrace and kiss her, but he forced himself not to, hoping she would come
to him as a gesture of her feelings.

She did not, so he said, “I was right, then, about your message.”

“I thought you’d understand!”

“Lianna?”

“Yes.” She reached behind the wall where she had hidden the attaché case, and opened it
for him to see.

“Quite a lot there.”

“Nine thousand, nine hundred and eighty pounds, exactly.” She closed the case, and with a
slow precision rested it against the wall.

He needed no more gestures and embraced her. She was relieved, and began to cry, but
soon stopped herself.

“Another bike?” She asked, embarrassed by her own show of feelings.

“Yes!” he said and went to stand beside it. “Do you like it?” He ran his hand over the seat.
“I’ve just bought it.”

“It is rather nice,” she said approvingly as she came to stand beside him and hold his hand.
“Where shall we go?” She laughed. “We are not exactly short of money!”

“Monica?”

“Yes?” she said, trembling a little.

“I’ll have to give it back.”

“But you’ve only just bought it!” she joked.

“You know what I mean.”

“I know. I thought you’d say that.” Then, smiling again, she added, “A pity though! I’ve often
wondered what I’d do if I had some money.” She went to collect the case. “Here you are!”

He took it from her, and she sighed. “And I suppose,” she said, “you’re still going to follow
what’s-his-name?”

“Yes.”

“Also as I expected.”

She smiled at him, and he embraced her again, saying,”I’m glad you’re back.”

She began to cry again, then pulled away from him to laugh and point to her face. “Looks
much better now, doesn’t it?”

“You look beautiful.”

“I see you brought my helmet. Shall we go and return the gift?”

“Actually, I would rather you stayed with a friend of mine – here, in this house. At least for a
few days.”

“Not likely! Where you go – I go. Anyway, I want to see the look on her face when you hand
back the money.

“But – “

She repossessed the case. “I’ll hold onto that while you drive. Unless you want me to!”

“Come here,” he said gently.

“Yes, Master!” she playfully mocked, “I hear and obey!”

He held her hand. “I’d rather you were safe, here.”

‘What? And miss all the fun? Not likely! Come on!” she sat on the pillion

seat of the motorcycle, put on her helmet, held onto the case with one hand and waited.

Thorold shook his head, sighed, and then put on his own helmet. Clouds began to cover the
whole of the sky, blotting out the sun, and as they arrived at the driveway of Lianna’s house,
rain had begun to fall. They stood together outside the door, helmets in hand, and waited for
an answer to Thorold’s insistent knocking.

“I hope she is not going to spoil things by being out.”

Thorold was about to answer when Lianna opened the door. She betrayed surprise at
seeing Monica, but only for an instant.

“I expected you,” she said to Thorold, “but alone.”

“You can have this back!” Monica held the case out.

“So? You ignore my offer?” Lianna said to Monica.

Monica smiled at her. “I changed trains at Wellington.”

“I see I shall have to make that telephone call.”

“Go ahead! Monica shouted as Thorold stood watching. “Do your worst! Do you think I
care? But I’ll tell you one thing – if you do. I’ll kill you. A few years to wait – maybe. But one
day I’ll be there!” She was staring at Lianna her eyes full of passion. “You will never be safe
and none of your magick will protect you!”

“I – “ Thorold started to say, but both of them ignored him.

“You’ll have to kill me,” Monica continued, “to stop me! Or have me killed – that’s more your
style! So here, take your money before I start stuffing it somewhere very uncomfortable for
you!” She threw the case down at Lianna’s feet.

Lianna turned to smile at Thorold. “Such a common woman, don’t you think?”

“I’ll show you how common I am! Monica said before punching Lianna on the chin. The blow
knocked Lianna over and Monica did not wait for her to recover.

“Just a taste!” she said before kicking the case into the hallway where Lianna lay prostrate.

“You coming?” she demanded of Thorold, and a somewhat startled Thorold followed her
down the steps to his transport.

Suddenly, a shaft of sunlight bathed the scene in brightness and warmth.

 XVI

Thirteen people were present – a number that pleased Mallam – and he mingled with his
guest in subdued light of the room while loud music played and could be heard throughout
the house. Rhiston, alone among all the people, sat by himself.

The owner of the house was a widowed woman in whom Mallam had once shown an
interest. But she soon bored him, as he found most women did – although not before he
induced her into his sect where she prospered, finding younger men to her liking and often
only too eager to physically please her while their interest, hers, and her monetary gifts,
lasted.

There would be no ritual following the gathering, for several of the guests were new and
unblooded. The party was a ruse – to arouse their interest, offering as it did drugs to those
who wished them as well as the sexual services of members of Mallam’s sect. Mallam’s own
interest centred on Rhiston’s wife and Rhiston knew it and like a child sulked in his corner.
Mallam found this amusing, considering Rhiston’s proclivities, and soon directed a lady
member of about Rhiston’s age to seduce him. Rhiston did not resist the woman’s charm.

“Come on Maurice,” she said, “let’s go and make love.”

Mallam was slightly more subtle in his approach to Jane. She had been watching him since
she had arrived to be greeted by his seemingly friendly kiss, and when she saw her
husband leave with the woman, he went to her.

“I hope you don’t think I’ve been ignoring you,” he said.

“No, honestly.”

He smiled at her. “Another drink? Or would you like to go somewhere quieter – where we
can talk?”

She was hesitant, so he said, “You know why I invited you, don’t you?”

“Another drink would be fine!”

“I find you very attractive, Jane – as you must have guessed.”

“Maurice – “

“You’ve never been to a party like this before, have you?”

“No,” she answered softly.

“You’re not offended though?”

“No.” she whispered.

He kissed her and at first she did not respond, and when she did, half-regretful and half-
thrilled, he led her out of the room and upstairs.

Twilight had begun outside when he left her in one of the many bedrooms of the house.
Rhiston was asleep alone in another room, still tied to the bed as the woman had left him.
Mallam freed him and gave him his clothes.

“I’ll wait for you outside in the car,” he said.

Downstairs, the music still played loudly, now mingled with sporadic laughter.

They arrived in Stredbow as the last vestiges of twilight gave way to a sky clear of cloud and
full of stars, and Mallam parked his vehicle by the mound, some distance from the house
and the small stone building where his real interest lay.

“Now,” he said, “to action. We’ll walk to a house and I want you to use this – “ He gave him
a Police Warrant Card. “You are investigating the escape of a dangerous criminal who has
been spotted in the area – making a routine check. There will be a man and a woman in the
house. Just keep them talking – local gossip, sightings of strangers and so on. Use your
own work experience,” he smiled. “Alright?”
“Yes. Is that all?” a relieved Rhiston said.

“What did you expect? I’ll be fifteen minutes – no longer than half an hour though.” He
reached over to the back seat of the car where a torch and a pair of bolt-croppers lay. “I’ll
meet you back here.”

They walked in silence to the gate of the house where Mallam waited while Rhiston went to
ring the doorbell. Swiftly then, Mallam crept toward the stone building. The padlock was
easy to cut through and he was soon inside. His torch showed a bare room. It smelled of
burned wood and he was creeping along the walls, inspecting them for hidden recesses or
loose stones when the thick oak door was closed behind him. He tried to force it open, but
without success.

Outside, Sidnal Wyke secured the door with a new padlock before calmly walking back to
his cottage.

Rhiston did as he had been told, and it was half an hour later when he left the house to
return to the car. For hours he waited by, then near, the car – sitting on the mound under a
tree, leaning against the stonewall that supported most of the mound among its
circumference, or crouching. Twice villagers came near, and he hid himself by the trees.

It was after midnight when he made his decision and left to look again at the house. But it
was quiet, and he walked along the lanes he knew would take him to the main road miles
away and thence along and down to the township of Stretton.

With the departure of Rhiston, preparations for the celebration in the village began.

XVII

It was a long time before Mallam ceased his shouting and banging his fists against the door.
His voice had echoed in the empty stillness and, tired and confused, he slumped against the
wall.
The building was windowless and without sound, and he was soon restless. For hours he
checked the walls, the stones of the floor, the door itself by the light of his torch. But nothing
moved. He could see a narrow slit in the wall far above his head, but could not reach it. He
tried to sleep, but the floor was cold and as soon as he closed his eyes he thought he could
hear someone behind the door. Each time he leapt up and listened, but could hear nothing.

The torchlight began to fade. Its dim glow lasted a while, and then was gone to leave
Mallam in darkness. He had never before experienced such blackness and several times
tried to see his hands in front of his eyes. But he could not see them. He crawled along
beside the walls until he reached the door by touch, but no one came in answer to his
shouting or in response to the banging of his fists against the studded oak, and he lay in the
darkness listening to the roaring silence.

Sleep came, and when he awoke he could not see the time by his expensive watch. His
waiting passed slowly and he began to feel hungry and thirsty. He shouted, and nothing
happened. He began to curse all the people he knew and had known and then the whole
world, and his voice grew hoarse and he himself, more thirsty. He prayed fervently to his
Prince many times, saying: ‘My Prince and Master, help me! Free me and I shall do terrible
deeds in your name!’

He stared into the darkness trying to imagine where he had seen the slit in the wall, but no
light, not even a glimmer of light, came to relieve his darkness. He began to imagine he
heard sounds – people laughing and talking, then strange music. But the more he listened,
the more he began to believe he was mistaken.

He slept again, only to awake in terror because he had forgotten where he was and could
not see. He crawled over the floor, along the walls – sat and listened and strained to see.
He stood up but became disoriented and dizzy and fell against the door, injuring his arm. He
shouted, beat his fists again against the door, but nothing changed except inside his head.
His hunger and thirst became intense for what seemed to him a long time until his
increasing fear made him forget them.

To calm his fears he lay with his back against a wall, trying to understand why and for what
purpose he was being kept a prisoner. At first he had believed that some mischance had
imprisoned him – a gust of wind, perhaps, which jammed the door – but he had become
gradually aware that is was not chance that brought him to the village and the building
which had become his prison. Somehow, he felt, Lianna must have planned it all, and as the
hours of his captivity became countless because he could not measure their passing, he
came to increasingly believe that she might be testing him. Vaguely, he remembered – his
memory brought back by his desperation for hope – her once saying when first he had
asked to become her pupil, that those who sought Adeptship underwent severe ordeals;
ordeals not of their own choosing and about which they were never forewarned.

This is a test of hers, he believed, briefly smiling – she is testing my will. And this belief
sustained him, for he believed in the power and strength of his will. But his hunger, thirst,
the darkness around him and the darkness within him eventually broke this explanation. For
she had never followed his own path as at first he had ardently believed. The weeks and the
months of her teaching had extinguished his hope – she was no dark, evil, mistress with
whom he might forge a physical and magickal alliance. So he had gradually turned away
from her, seeking again his old ways, friends, helpers and slaves, understanding that she
had been using him, playing with him almost. And this deeply offended his pride. For he,
Edgar Mallam – High Priest of the Temple of the Prince – was above them all.

He had thought then that she had used him as he had used others – for her pleasure and
satisfaction. She was playing the role of mistress, with him as her pupil – and this made him
despise her more, for his own pleasures were carnal and real. He lusted after women, and
money – enjoyed the power he had over others, making them his slaves; he enjoyed the
misfortunes of others, the taking of young girls. But she simply played her mind-games from
the safety and comfort of her house. Her power, he had thought, was nothing compared to
his own.

His remembrance of this thinking from his past comforted him, and he began to laugh. But
then his laughing stopped. He thought he could hear someone else laughing and when he
stopped and unconsciously stooped to listen, he imagined he could hear a woman’s
laughing voice.

Then there seemed to be a voice inside his head. “Remember The Giving from the Black
Book of Satan!” it said and laughed again.

Mallam remembered.

The Book, which Lianna had given him, spoke of an ancient blood ceremony performed only
once every 51 years. The sacrifice was always male, an Initiated Priest, and before his
blood was offered he was kept for days in a darkened room wherein to draw magickal
forces to himself…

He tried to convince himself otherwise. But he heard “Remember The Giving…” in his head
again, like an echo.
“I won’t be fooled by you!” he shouted aloud. “Do you hear me Lianna!” He shook his fist at
the darkness. “You can’t fool me! I know that you are testing me! You’ll see – I’m strong!
Stronger than you!”

He laughed, to convince himself. But the suspicion remained.

“Must not fall asleep!” he muttered aloud. “She’ll try and get me when I’m asleep. I’ll beat
her! Me – her sacrifice? Hah! She’ll be mine!” He began to visualize in lurid detail how he
might sacrifice her – tying her naked to the altar in his house, ravishing her, the letting
others have their fun. He would kill her slowly, very slowly. These thought pleased and
fascinated him, and he was still thinking them – visualizing them in detail – when he fell full
asleep.

His dream was vivid – the most vivid dream of his life. He was surrounded by spiders; they
were crawling all over him, biting him and filling him with their poison. He could not move,
trapped in webs, and a large spider was crawling over his chest toward his face. But it was
Monica, a spider again, Monica smiling with blood on her teeth and mouth and he awoke to
thrust the imaginary spiders away with his hands as he writhed in panic on the floor.

XVIII

The evening and the night that had marked Mallam’s party passed swiftly for Thorold and
Monica.

“I don’t think she will bother us again,” a confident Monica said as they sat in his Apartment
on their return from visiting Lianna.

“You amaze me.” Thorold said. “Would you like some tea?” he asked.

“I know what I would like!”

Thorold’s surprise turned quickly into delight. “I’ll just have a quick bath,” he said.
“No, don’t. Perhaps I shouldn’t give all my secrets away, but the natural smell of a man –
well, some men! – turns me on.”

Thorold blushed. In that moment, Monica reversed their roles – standing to take his hand
and lead him to his bedroom. She was gentle at first, then passionate and after hours of
mutual bliss they lay with their bodies touching, sleep-inclined but pleased. Several times
she started to speak – to try and form into words the feeling within her. But each time she
stopped, afraid of herself and her future.

The recent years of her past had been years full of new experiences and through them all
she had kept her cynicism. Only Mallam had disturbed her, for he seemed to fulfill, at least
in some measure, her expectations: a man of mystery, arrogant and self-assured. But she
had discovered the real Mallam was selfish, cruel and somewhat vain.

Her defences had been and were still being broken by recent events, and of all of them she
felt her friendship with Thorold was the most significant. For as Lianna offered her the
money, she knew she was in love with Thorold. She wanted to tell him, but felt constrained
by her own doubts and fears, and as she lay beside him she realized for the first time in her
life that she needed to be loved.

They awoke together at dawn. She had expected his suggestion and so was not surprised
when he mentioned following Mallam. She did not want his quest to continue, but said
nothing. She sensed Thorold wanted somehow to avenge her beating as he sensed his
disgust and outrage at Mallam’s paedophile activities.

Thus is was that less than an hour later they rode together on the motorbike to wait near
Mallam’s house.

“We’ll try the other chap,” Thorold said after an almost interminable time.

They waited again, outside Rhiston’s home, and then followed him to his place of work.
Several times during the day they returned to find his car was still in place outside the
building, and several times they returned to Mallam’s house, without success.

Dark cloud covered the sky promising rain, but they sat for nearly and hour by the river,
refreshing themselves with food and drink, before lying beside each other in the grass in the
peace of Quarry Park. She spoke to him, as their hands and lips touched and desire
became aroused, of her bleak childhood without love, but still she could not say the words
she wished. She spoke instead with her body and they made passionate love in the long
grass near the river’s edge while people ambled or fastly walked along the path above.

By three o’clock in the afternoon they had returned to wait for Rhiston. He spent a few hours
at his home then journeyed to Mallam’s house and then to a house nearby to briefly speak
to the woman who answered his knocking upon her door. And thence he led Thorold and
his lover to Stredbow village.

Mallam’s car was still where he had left it the night before, and in the twilight Rhiston
checked it before walking toward the black and white house. Thorold saw him stop by the
gate, turn and listen, and then enter the garden to creep toward the stone building. Rhiston
listened again, tried the door, then noticed the broken padlock and the bolt-croppers
discarded on the ground. He tried to cut the padlock several times before finally succeeding
and Thorold watched in surprise as Mallam crawled from the building.

He blubbered something that Thorold could not hear before Rhiston assisted him to his feet.
Then Mallam was running fast away from the house, his face contorted, his eyes staring, his
clothes dirty and torn. He reached the car, fumbled in his pockets for his keys and shouted
several times at Rhiston. Rhiston ran to the car, panting and exhausted, and Mallam pushed
him inside before driving them both away.

They were not far from the village when Mallam slewed the car in the lane, using the
driveway of a farm, to drive straight toward Thorold whose motorbike light he had seen in
the rearview mirror. Thorold reacted as best he could, braking and steering away, but the
front of the car clipped the side of the bike causing him to lose control. His front wheel hit
the curb and he was e HeHe in the air, briefly, to land dazed in the hedge by the verge.

He sat up to see the car reverse over Monica as she lay still in the road. He ran toward her,
but she was dead.

Carefully, and almost crying, Thorold carried the body to the verge. His motorcycle was
undamaged apart from scratches and a few dents, and he collected several stones from
beside the road before riding with fury after the car. He soon caught it and sped past to turn,
skidding, and race back, throwing a stone at the windscreen of the car.

He did not hear the screech of brakes – or see the car swerve and weave across the road
as the driver’s vision became obstructed by the suddenly frosted glass. But he did see, as
he turned, the car crash and come to rest on its side. Mallam was dazed, his face bleeding,
while Rhiston was unconscious. Thorold dragged Mallam from the car, banged his head
against the underside and threw him onto the verge, and he was walking toward where
Monica’s murderer lay when the car suddenly exploded, searing the air with heat and light
and throwing him to the ground.

Instantly, he regretted saving Mallam’s life, and as he stood up to edge away from the
burning, he felt an urge to throw Mallam onto Rhiston’s funeral pyre. Mallam began to
moan, and Thorold was considering what to do when, in the light of the flames, he saw
people approaching.

Thorold recognized the young man leading them. He was Sidnal Wyke, seller of Lianna’s
books, and Thorold made no move to stop them as they carried Mallam away from the
burning and back to the darkness that covered the lane to their village.

Many miles away, in a room of her house, Lianna smiled as she burned her square of
inscribed magickal parchment in the flame of a black candle.

XIX

They had not spoken to Thorold and he had not spoken to them, and he watched them -
numb with shock from Monica’s death - depart, carrying Mallam. His rage had gone and he
stood near the now slow burning car for several minutes before riding to the nearby farm.

To his surprise, the Police did not take long to arrive, and the Policeman found him waiting
beside his bike near Monica’s body.

“My girlfriend.” Thorold explained. “The car – just came straight toward me.”

He explained about the crash, the car reversing, and his moving the body. “There was
nothing I could do. Then I heard a crash and an explosion and went to see.”

The young but kindly Policeman smiled. “We’ll need a statement. No need now – tomorrow.”

Thorold gave his name and address, heard a Fire Engine approach, watched an Ambulance
arrive and take Monica’s body away. He did not quite know why he did not speak about
Mallam, but he did not, but as he drove slowly away from the scene to take the roads that
led to Shrewsbury, he began to regret his lie. He stopped once, to turn back and tell the full
story, but it was not his courage that failed. Rather, he began to sense he was involved in
something of great and sinister import, and although he did not have all the answers – or
indeed perhaps not even the right questions – he would find them. He did not, at this
moment, know how, but Monica’s death gave him the desire to succeed.

Jake was at home with his wife as Thorold had hoped, and he sat with them, drinking beer
while the television relayed some film.

“Want to talk about it?” Jake asked.

“No.”

But Jake was not offended, and offered him more beer. Gradually, Thorold drank himself
into a forgetful stupor to slither from his chair to the floor where he fell asleep.

He awoke to find himself alone in the house and obviously carried by Jake to a bed. He
soon dressed and left to drive in the light rain to Lianna’s home.

“I have been waiting for you,” she said as she led him inside. “I am sorry for what
happened.”

“You know?” he asked without surprise.

“One gets to hear these things.”

“You know why I have come then?”

“Yes.” She took him to her living room. A copy of The Black Book of Satan, bound in black
leather, lay on a table, but its title did not interest Thorold.

“I have to make a statement to the Police,” he said.

“You met Constable Tong, I believe.”

Thorold was not familiar with the name, but he made the obvious deduction.

“Such a bright young man,” she continued. “A cousin of Mr. Wyke – whom of course you
have met.”

“I see,” said Thorold, uneasy.

“I thought you would.”

“What will you do with him?”

“With whom?” she teased.

“Edgar Mallam.”

“Does it matter?”

“It might.”

“To you?”

“I might want to see justice done. He killed Monica!”

“What is justice?” she mocked.

“He killed her!”

“An accident. A body burned beyond recognition,” she shrugged.

“I should have left him to die in the explosion!”

“You had no choice.”

“What?’ he asked perplexed.

She ignored the subject. “Come, do not let us argue. Remember how it was between us.”

Her smile, her eyes seemed to be affecting him and he became aware again of how
beautiful she was. He remembered the ecstasy and passion he had shared with her – the
soft sensuous beauty of her naked body; her intoxicating and seductive bodily fragrance.
She was moving toward him with her mouth open, her lips waiting to be kissed.

But something inside him made him suddenly aware of her witchery, and he forced himself
to think of Monica – her body, bloody and broken, on the road. His remembrance of her
death and her face in death broke Lianna’s spell.

“I must go,” he said, turning away from her eyes.

“As you wish!”

Her words seemed to end the tension he felt in his neck and shoulders, but he still avoided
looking at her.

“Remember,” she said as if chanting, “I want to share my life with yours.”

Even as he left he felt an urge to return and surrender to her seductive beauty, be he rode
away down to the river where he sat for hours in the first nascent and then fulsome sun
thinking about Monica, Mallam, Lianna and the events that bound them, and he himself,
together.

He was disturbed by this thinking and tried to relax by returning to the secure reality of his
bookshop. He wandered around the shelves, seated himself at his desk, and opened the
mail that had begun to accumulate. But the longer he stayed in the musty shop, the more he
felt that the world of books in which had been his world for years, was a dead one. Its charm
had gone. Monica had been real – exciting and full of promise for his future: his surveillance
had been exciting, reminding him of the years before his marriage. Lianna herself had been
real – warmly alive, as the books around him were not. He could give his statement to the
Police, forget about Mallam and Lianna – forget about them all – and live again within his
cloistral world of books. Except he did not want to.

The door to his shop opened.

“You are open?” asked the elderly man who entered.

“No, not at the moment.” Thorold was annoyed at being disturbed.

“Oh, dear! And I did so want to look around. I called yesterday.”

“Didn’t you see the note?” asked Thorold, pointing to it on the door.

The man bent down to peer, took some spectacles from the pocket of his tweed jacket and
squinted. “My! How silly of me!” He turned to smile at Thorold. “But you are here now.”

The man was short and rotund with red cheeks and thinning white hair. His manner of dress
was conservative and he carried a rolled up umbrella.

Thorold relented. “You can have a look if you wish. But I will be closing again soon.”

“You were recommended to me.”

“Oh, yes?” Thorold said without interest. He was still thinking of Lianna.

“Perhaps recommended is not the right word. May I sit down? My legs are not what they
were.”

Surprised at the request, Thorold offered him his own chair.

“Most kind! Let me introduce myself.” He held out his hand. “Aiden is the name.”
Thorold shook his hand.

“I shall be brief,” Aidan said. “You spoke to a friend of mine some days ago about a certain
matter.” He smiled at a perplexed Thorold. “The Devil,” he said calmly.

“Just curiosity.”

“I know a little about such things.”

“Academic interest, that’s all. Someone wanted to sell me some books on the subject.”

“You have these books?”

“No, actually.” Then, thinking quickly, he added, “I threw them out.” He pointed to a bundle
of books tied by string, which lay on the floor. “I haven’t got the room. Have to be very
selective.”

“For over forty years I have studied the subject. Meeting people. Often those who have
been involved. One develops an instinct.” He smiled again. “Rather like a Detective.
Although in my own case, an ecclesiastical one.”

“You must excuse me – I really ought to close the shop.”

“You have the scent of Satan about you,” the old man said in a quiet voice.

“Say again?” Thorold was startled.

“A figure of speech. Those who practice the Occult Arts believe there is an aura
surrounding the body. It is said Initiation, particularly into the darker mysteries alters that
aura, most noticeably between the eyes. You must forgive me if I speak frankly.”

“You are welcome to have a quick look around the shelves for any books that might interest
you.”

“You interest me.”

“You must excuse me – I have a busy day.”

“Are you afraid of someone?”

Thorold was insulted. “Of course not!”

“I came only to help.”

“Why?” Thorold was becoming a little angry.

Gently, the man said, “Because I am concerned about the growth of evil.”

“What is evil?” He realized he was echoing Lianna’s parody and added, “I sell books, that is
all.”

Aiden sighed. “I can only help if you want me to. You know where I will be staying if you
wish to contact me.”

“The Cathedral?”

“Yes. Sometimes it is better to ask for help than to try to solve things alone.”

“Are you staying long?”

“A few days.”

“I hope you enjoy your stay. Goodbye.”

Aiden pointed to the motorcycle, which Thorold had parked outside. “Yours?”

“No, I always dress like this,” Thorold quipped.

Aiden did not mind the jest. “So different now, such machines. Once – a very long time ago
before I accepted my vocation within the Church – I rode. An Enfield – at least, that is what I
think it was called. So long ago. Fast?”

“Very. Zero to sixty miles per hour in less than six seconds.”

“A different world, now. Such memories. I shall pray for you.”

“Goodbye.”

“Adieu!”

Thorold had declined the man’s gambit to prolong their conversation, and he watched Aidan
walk slowly up the narrow lane that led to St. Chad’s church and the gates of Quarry Park.
He did not regret his decision not to share his secrets, and as soon as Aidan was out of
sight, he closed the shop and rode down into the traffic that was congesting the roads
through the town.

The street, which contained Mallam’s house, seemed quiet, and he parked his bike nearby
to walk the last hundred yards. To his surprise he found the door slightly ajar, and cautiously
entered. A faint perfume lingered, reminding him of Lianna, but he quickly forgot about it as
he slowly moved from room to room. The rooms were untidy and he was making his way
upstairs when he heard someone moving about.

“Hello!” he called.

No one answered, and he crept into a bedroom. Someone touched his shoulder and he
raised his hands, saying, “it’s a fair cop!” before suddenly turning around and smiling.

His quick movement startled the woman, and Thorold recognized her as Rhiston’s wife.
“Can I help?” he asked cunningly.

“You haven’t seen Maurice, have you?” she asked hopefully.

“No,” he lied. “Not recently. He gave you this address?”

She stared down at the floor. “Edgar did.”

Thorold drew the correct conclusion. “Been waiting here long?”

“I’ve just arrived.”

“You’ve got a key, then?”

“The door was open.”

“You checked the other rooms?”

“Not yet.”

“Come on, then.”

All of them, at least to Thorold’s once practised eye, bore evidence of a quick but thorough
search.

“You don’t know where Maurice is?” she asked.

“Afraid not. You know Edgar,” he smiled. “Likes to be a man of mystery. They’ve probably
gone somewhere together.” He had no qualms about lying to her since he assumed, from
her involvement with Mallam, that she knew at least something about his activities. “Do you
want to wait here?” he asked her.

“I’d better be going. If you see him – “

“I’ll tell him you called.”

“Thank you.”

He walked with her down the stairs. She turned to smile weakly at him before she left, and
he felt sad. But he did not follow her to tell her about the fate of her husband. Instead, he
sighed, remembered Monica’s death, and began to search the house, after locking the door.
He found nothing of interest and nothing to incriminate Mallam – only a large collection of
pornographic magazines, some leather whips and some manacles and chains. No
photographs of his activities, no letters, documents, and nothing to indicate his interest in
the Occult or the names and addresses of his varying contacts. He was disappointed, but
not surprised, and left the house wondering what he could do next. Mallam was gone,
Rhiston was dead, he had no names and addresses, no factual evidence concerning
Mallam’s activities. Then he remembered the woman that Rhiston had briefly visited.

She answered his knock on her door wearing a nightdress and squinting into the brightness
outside.

“Yes?”

“I am a friend of Edgar.”

“Do come in! Please excuse the mess. A social occasion – last night – you know how they
drag on and on.”

“You came highly recommended,” he said, guessing.

“Really?” Pleased, she thought he looked promising, although somewhat older than she
had come to expect. “Would you like something to drink? Beer, perhaps?”

“Tea?”

“Darjeeling, if you have some.”

“You don’t look like a tea drinker to me.”

“It’s the leathers! Often gives the wrong idea.”

“You must be warm in that black leather.” She breathed out the last words as though black
leather interested her.

“It has its uses.”

“I’m sure! Do you ride often?” she asked mischievously.

“As the mood takes me.”

“Does it take you now?”

“Possibly.” After such a promising beginning he was at a loss as to how to continue, except
the obvious course. But he was not disposed to take this, despite the attractiveness of the
lady whom he guessed was at least fifteen years older than him. He began to feel
embarrassed by the role he was creating for himself as well as surprised by his burgeoning
desires. She was standing near him, her nightdress almost transparent and he could see
her nipples and dark mass of pubic hair. He forced himself to remember the reason for his
visit.

“Have you known Edgar long?” he asked.

“Long enough! Have you brought anything from him?”

As she said the words he saw the needle marks on her arms. The sight decided him.

“I’ve just remembered it!” he said, and dashed out of the house.

He did not seem to consciously decide, but just arrived at the road to Lianna’s house, and
he did not have long to wait in her driveway. Attracted by the noise of the motorcycle, she
came out to greet him.
“I must know,” he said as he removed his helmet and she stood, smiling and beautiful, in
the sunlight. “About Mallam.”

“It is good that you come of your own free will.”

By the side of the house, Thorold could see Imlach turn around and walk back into the
garden.

XX

The house was cool, and Thorold and Lianna sat in the Drawing Room overlooking the rear
garden. She brought him iced tea before sitting beside him.

“What will happen to him?”

“Do you care?”

“Not in that way.”

“But you want revenge?”

“Possibly. I don’t know.”

“And if you were given the opportunity to dispense justice by taking his life, would you?”

“It’s not up to me. There is the law.”

“The Law! Hah! The Law is an accumulation of tireless attempts to prevent the gifted from
making their lives a succession of ecstasies!” Her passion was soon gone, and she smiled
kindly at Thorold. “I’m glad you came to see me again.”
Thorold returned her smile. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“About Edgar?”

“Yes. I do have my suspicions.”

“Do you?”

“It seems to me you planned things.”

“I will not deny – to you - that I planned some things. But I will tell you something. I planned
things, yes – but I did not plan to fall in love with you.”

For several minutes Thorold could not speak. He watched her, and she began to cry, gently,
until tears ran down her cheeks.

“I have never said that to anyone before,” she said, softly.

Thorold did not know what to do. He thought, vaguely and not for very long, that she might
in some way be trying to manipulate his feelings, but the more he looked at her and the
more he remembered the ecstasy they had shared in the past, the more his doubts began
to disappear. She had turned her face away, to wipe the tears with her hand when he
reached over to stroke her hair.

“Don’t cry,” he said.

“I’m sorry.” She held his hand. “See what you do to me! I can’t remember the last time I
cried!”

“You are a strange woman.”

“If I ask you something will you give me an honest answer?”

“Possibly.”

“Were you in love with Monica?”

The question surprised him. “I don’t know,” he said hesitantly. “I don’t think so.” He felt he
had betrayed her.

“Good. I was a little jealous.”

“The thought occurred to me.”

“But I’m sorry about what happened – with her, I mean.”

“So am I,” His sense of having betrayed Monica began to fade. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“I’ve missed you.” She moved toward him and kissed his lips.

The kiss, her perfume, the feel of her body pressing against his, overpowered his senses
and he began to return her passion.

“Not here!” she said.

She held his hand as they walked from the room, and along the hall to a door. The door led
down some steps into a dimly lit chamber. A dark, soft carpet covered the floor and she took
him to an alcove where cushions were strewn, drawing him down with her. Her passion
seemed to draw from Thorold all the darker memories of the past days and he abandoned
himself to his lusts, remembering the tears and her words of love. Her hands gripped his
shoulders and as her own passion became intense her nails sank into his flesh, drawing
blood. But he did not care, as her body spasmed in ecstasy, followed by his own.

They relaxed then, in the gently bliss that followed.

“I want you,” she whispered, “with me always. Will you do something for me?”
“Yes,” he answered without hesitation.

“Whatever it is?”

“Yes.” His hands stroked her breasts. “You are beautiful.”

“I am all yours – now.”

“What did you want me to do?”

“Live with me.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously!” She kissed him. “I love you.” She sat up to lean against a cushion. “Tomorrow
night there is a celebration in the village that I would like you to attend – with me.”

“Your village?”

She laughed. “I suppose it is!”

Thorold sat up to rest beside her against the stone wall and as he did so he noticed in a far
corner, a statue. Beside it hung a lighted candle shielded by red glass. The light reminded
him a the sanctuary lamp in a Catholic Church, but the statue showed a woman, naked from
the waist up, who held in her outstretched hand the severed head of a bearded man. The
woman was smiling.

“What’s that?” Thorold asked, pointing with his finger.

“The violent goddess – Mistress of Earth. The was a time when men were sacrificed in her
name, and the Priestess of her cult would wash her hands in the victim’s blood before taking
it to sprinkle on the fields. It ensured the fertility of the land – and the people.”
Thorold understood – or felt he did. He looked around the chamber. It was bare, except for
one wall where a battered medieval shield, sword and armour hung.

“And those?” he asked.

“Family heirlooms. They were supposed to belong to an ancestor of mine – Roger de

Alledone. There is a book in the library about the family – if you’re interested.”

“Yes. Does your son visit you often?”

“My son?” she asked, surprised. Then, remembering, “I have no children – yet.”

“But I remember you saying when you came to my shop – “

“A fabrication – to meet you. Am I forgiven?”

He vaguely remembered something else she had said, but could not form the vague
remembrance into a distinct recollection of words, so he dismissed it. “Of course!” he said.

“Will you stay tonight?” she asked.

“Do you want me to?”

“You know I do.”

“I would have to collect a few things.”

“Naturally. Do you have a suit?” She looked at his motorcycle clothing discarded in haste.

“Yes, why?”

“I thought we could go to a rather nice restaurant I know. For dinner, tonight. And then
come back here.”
Totally captivated by her, totally under her spell, Thorold simply said, “That would be nice.”

They embraced before he rose to dress. She watched him, before dressing herself. In the
hallway, she kissed him saying, “Don’t be long, my darling!” He was almost to the door when
she added, “I love you!”

It was a dazed almost hypnotized Thorold who sat outside astride his bike. Then he rode
slowly out of the driveway only to be confronted by Imlach’s daughter who waved him to a
halt.

“Listen!” she said, fearfully glancing around. “I must talk with you.”

He removed his helmet before saying, “What about?”

“I can’t talk here – it’s too dangerous. Please, you’ve got to hear me.”

“But – “

“Please!” she pleaded. “I must talk to you about Lianna!”

“Come on, then!” He indicated the pillion seat, replaced his helmet and drove down the road
to take the lane that led to the toll bridge. He stopped before reaching it.

“Well?” he asked as they both stood beside the bike.

“She killed Monica,” she said.

Thorold’s smile disappeared. Stark realities, and memories of love and death, returned.

XXI
In the hazy sunlight, Thorold stared at the river flowing nearby. Two rowing boats, carrying
their rowdy youthful crews, passed under the bridge.

“That’s ridiculous,” he finally said in answer to Sarah’s accusation. “It was an accident.”

“Was it? She arranged it using her magick.”

“Impossible.” He looked at her, but she did not turn her eyes away from his.

“Believe me, she has powers – sinister powers. She put a death curse on Monica.”

“Nonsense!”

“Is it?”

Thorold became perturbed. He had sensed many things about Lianna – including her
natural charisma. “She wouldn’t – she had no reason.” Even as he spoke the words he
knew a reason existed.

Sarah smiled, out of sympathy. “I saw her inscribing the parchments she uses to work her
spells.”

Thorold still did not completely believe her. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I – we - need your help.”

Thorold sighed, and went to stand on the bridge, leaning against the supports and watching
the water flow below. She followed him.

“For centuries,” Sarah began, “her family has ruled the village. Her father before her. But
she is different – they are all afraid of her. She owns the land, nearly all the houses – the
fields. Without her, they could not survive. But she had followed a different way. I was born
in the village, so I know.
“She is using you, as she uses everyone, including me and my father. There is a ceremony
due – part of an old tradition. She has captivated you – like the dark witch she is.”

The rowing boats had gone, and the river seemed quite peaceful. Sarah continued speaking
while Thorold watched the breeze ripple the surface of the water.

“Her family kept alive for generations the old traditions, the old ways – as did the folk of the
village. But she has meddled in other things. We need your help.”

“Why?”

“Because you are important to her – at least, in what she is planning.”

“And what is that?”

“To use the power of The Giving for herself. I don’t agree with the old ways – and want
them stopped. You must know – or have guessed – what will be involved. The man whom
you saw escape – “

“I did wonder. There is a statue in her house.”

“Yes. So you do understand?”

“I am beginning to.”

“Will you help, then?”

“I don’t know.”

“She will take you to the ceremony – we, you and I, must prevent what she plans.”

“And then?”
“Let him go.”

“I see.”

“I could give you enough evidence.”

“About his activities?”

“Yes. She removed all his files, last night from his house.”

“I did wonder,” Thorold said.

“She has other evidence against him as well. I could get that.”

“What is she to you?”

Sarah sighed. “My mother.”

When Thorold had recovered from his surprise he said, “she told me she had no children.”

“Oh, she doesn’t acknowledge me – not as her heir and all that.”

She smiled at him and Thorold saw the faint resemblance to Lianna that he had seen before
but dismissed.

Sarah laughed. “I am a mistake that she made in her youth!”

“She never said anything to me.”

“She is not exactly proud of me. That’s why she keeps me around in her sight.”
“And you father?” Thorold still found it difficult to believe that she was Lianna’s daughter.

“He is her loyal servant – and servant is the right word!”

“So they are no longer close?”

“Close? They have never been close! She used him - once and for her own ends. He was
and always has been her guardian. She despises him. He is totally in her power.”

Thorold felt relieved, but he soon suppressed the feeling. “You will be present tomorrow
night at the ceremony?”

“Yes. You will help, then?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I shall have to get back – before I’m missed.” She walked a few paces, and then turned
toward him. “She killed Monica. And when she has finished with you – “ she shrugged, “ –
who knows?”

Thorold did not watch her go. The past few hours, through their intensity and contradiction,
seemed to have drained away his vitality and he rode to his Apartment to sit in the stuffy
interior silence for a long time, without feeling and without thinking about recent events.
When he did think about them, he came first to one conclusion and then another, to finally
change his mind again, and it was without any enthusiasm that he collected clothes suitable
for Lianna’s evening.

She greeted his return with a kiss, and did not seem to him to notice his change of mood.

“I feel very tired this evening,” he said to build his alibi.

She led him upstairs to the bedroom he had slept in before.

“I’ll see you downstairs, in the Sitting Room,” she said smiling, and left him.
He was soon changed, and sat to wait for her in the Sitting Room. It was a long wait, and he
rose to briefly play the Grand Piano.

“You must play for me,” she said as she entered, startling him.

He was momentarily stunned by her beauty and appearance. She wore a brooch of
colourful design, held by a black silk bank around her neck, and her close-fitting dress
emphasized the feminine proportions of her body. It was cut low at the back, exposing her
tanned skin to the waist, its fit so close that Thorold could see she wore nothing underneath.

“What do you think?” she asked unnecessarily, turning in a circle in front of him.

“I think other women will hate you.”

“Good!” she laughed.

Her driving matched her mood, for she drove fast but with skill out of Shrewsbury to take a
circuitous route to the restaurant. Inside, the furnishings were antique, and they were
ushered to a table overlooking the extensive private grounds.

“Such a civilized place, don’t you agree?” Lianna said as Thorold sat amazed by the
selection of food, and the prices, which were shown on the menu.

The tables were set at a discreet distance from each other, some at different levels. No one
else was present – except two waiters and a waitress, discreetly watching them.

“I suppose the prices put people off,” Thorold said as he glanced at the empty chairs.

“We have the place to ourselves tonight.”

Thorold blushed, and stared at the menu.

“Decided what you want yet?” she asked, pleased by his show of innocence.
“Cod, chips, mushy peas and scraps.” He waited for her reaction and when none came, he
said, “You decide.”

She did, and a waiter sidled up to her on her signal to take the order. She chose wine, and
Thorold had drunk two full glasses of her expensive choice when he said, “all we need is an
orchestra.”

“There are speakers secreted among the oak beams to channel background music.”

As if listening to their conversation, the nearby waiter walked gracefully toward their table.
“Would Madam like some music?”

“Do you have any Strauss Waltzes?”

“I shall see!”

A few minutes later the music began as the first course of their meal was served. Thorold
watched Lianna while they ate and talked of inconsequential things – the long spell of hot
weather, the restaurant, his likes and dislikes in music. She did not seem to him to be evil –
just exceptionally beautiful, wealthy woman, born to power and used to it. But he could not
still his doubts. He heard Sarah’s voice in his head accusing her; remembered Lianna’s lie
about having no children; her anger toward Monica. But most of all he remembered
Monica’s death and Mallam being borne away by the people of Lianna’s village.

“Why did you never have any children?” he asked to test her.

She smiled. “My husband. Marriage of convenience, really. Did not want him as the father of
my children.”

“Did you never want any?”

“Apart from now, you mean?” And her eyes sparkled.

“Years ago. As an heir.”

“Together we shall solve this problem!”

“But seriously – “

“Seriously – not until now. I never found the right man, until now. One has to be so careful.”

Thorold had his answer, and he did not like it. “It is a pity,” he said, guarding his feeling,
“that there is not room enough to dance.”

“We could ask them to make room.”

“No – I’d be too embarrassed.”

The evening passed slowly for Thorold. Their conversation returned to the mundane, and he
drank an excessive amount of wine to stifle both his feelings and his thoughts. He
pretended to fall asleep in her car on their return to her house, awaking at their journeys end
to say, “I’m sorry. Drunk too much.”

She smiled indulgently, and did not seem to mind when her kiss, as they stood in his
bedroom, was not returned.

“We have the rest of our lives together!” she laughed in reply to his apology for his tiredness.

“I shall be leaving early in the morning. To prepare for our little ceremony. Meet me outside
the village mound at ten in the evening. Can you remember that?” she asked playfully.

He slumped onto the bed, playing his role. “Of course.”

“No curiosity?” she asked.

“’Bout what?” he slurred his words.

“The ceremony?”
“Too tired to be curious. Anyway – trust you.”

She looked directly into his eyes and for an instant he felt she knew about his pretence and
the reasons for it. But she kissed him, and the moment was gone, making him sure he had
been mistaken, for she touched his face gently with her hand, saying, “sleep well my
darling!” to leave him alone in his room.

No sounds reached him and he undressed to sleep naked in the humid night on top of the
bed. He was soon asleep. He did not sleep for long. The weather oppressed, making him
restless and sweaty, and his mind was troubled by thoughts of Monica, Mallam and Lianna’s
lies. Only when dawn came, bringing a slight breeze through his open windows, did
renewed rest come, and he did not hear as Lianna quietly opened the door to watch, for
almost a minute while he slept. She smiled as she closed the door to leave him to his
dreams.

It was late morning when Thorold awoke, tired and thirsty. The house was quiet, and empty,
and he wandered to one of the many bathrooms before dressing. He found Lianna’s note on
the table in the kitchen. “Yours – to keep,” it simply read. Next to it was a key to the front
door of the house.

Half expecting to find Sarah or Imlach, he ventured into the gardens. He found no one, not
even in the buildings where Sarah – a long time ago it seemed to him now – had taken him
to strip away all her clothes. Now, he felt, he understood: angry with her mother, she had
tried to seduce him as an act of revenge.

He spent an hour wandering around the house, occasionally opening a drawer or a

cupboard as if by such openings he might find something to incriminate or explain Lianna.
Even the library held no clues – only books, many of which he would once have been glad
to own or buy for his shop. The door that led to the stone chamber was unlocked, and he
walked down the steps aware that he might be transgressing Lianna’s hospitality. But he
hardened himself against the feeling, remembering Sarah’s story, Monica's death and
Lianna’s lies. Black candles lit the chamber.

The red light by the statue was still burning, and as he approached, he saw a book lying on
the floor. The Black Book of Satan’ the spine read.

The book was open at a chapter entitled ‘A Gift for the Prince’ and he began to read.
 ‘In ceremonial rituals involving sacrifice, the Mistress of Earth usually takes on the
role of violent goddess, the Master of the Temple that of either Lucifer or Satan, the
sacrifice being regarded as a gift to the Prince of Darkness. This gift, however, is
sometimes offered to the dark goddess – the bride of our Prince.

‘Human sacrifice is powerful magick. The ritual death of an individual does two
things: it releases energy (which can be directed – or stored, for example, in a crystal
sphere) and it draws down dark forces or ‘entities’. Such forces may then be used, by
directing them toward a specific goal according to the principles of magick, or they
may be allowed to disperse over the Earth in a natural way, such dispersal altering
what is sometimes known as the ‘astral shell’ around the Earth. This alteration, by the
nature of the sacrifice, is disruptive – that is, it tends toward Chaos. This is simply
another way of saying that sacrifice further the works of Satan…’

He read no more, but carefully replaced the book, leaving the chamber to ascend the stairs
to his room. He felt comfortable again in his motorcycle leathers, gloves and boots, and left
the house without locking the door.

The roads and lanes he took led him to a narrow, old stone bridge over a narrow stream,
and he stopped to sit beside the water under the blue sky while larks sang high above the
fields of ripening wheat. The book had given him final confirmation of his suspicions.

XXII

It was nearing the hour of ten when Thorold arrived in the village, his sealed letter safely in
Jake’s house. His friend would open it and know what to do should he fail to return.

Twilight was ending, and as he parked his bike by the mound, removed his helmet and as
he listened, hearing only the leaves of the trees moving in the breeze, he found it difficult to
believe in magick. The perfume of flowers was strong, reminding him of quiet English
villages full of charm. He had not heard or seen the old tractor that was driven across the
lane, blocking it, after he had passed to take the last turn into the village, as he did not know
the other entrance to the village was similarly obstructed. Neither did he see or hear Lianna
approach until she stood beside him and touched him on the shoulder, startling him, again.
“Come”, she said, “they are waiting.”

She carried a wicker basket but he could not see what was in it. He was surprised when she
lead him toward and into the church.

Inside, a multitude of candles and lanterns had been lit, and he saw the whole village
assembled with Sidnal standing and waiting by the altar. But the altar was covered with fruit,
food and what appeared to be casks of beer, and as he looked around he could see that all
Christian symbols and artefacts had been removed.

The assembly parted as he and Lianna entered.

“Wait here,” she whispered to him before walking by herself toward the altar. Sidnal bowed
slightly as she gave him her basket. It contained envelopes bearing a substantial gift of
money, the same amount in each, and Sidnal took the envelopes one at a time, read the
name written thereon, and waited for the recipient to come forward.

Each villager received an envelope, and Sidnal gave the empty basket to Lianna. She held
it upside down and on this signal a young man and woman came forward. She touched their
foreheads with her hands, saying, “I greet the Lord and Lady!”

They turned, as the assembled villagers did, toward where Thorold stood. The door opened,
and Imlach entered holding a rope whose ends were tied round Mallam’s hands, binding
them.

Lianna addressed the congregation, saying, “You have heard the charges against him. How
say you – is he guilty or not guilty?”

“Guilty! Guilty!” The congregation responded.

“Is that the verdict of you all?”

“Yes!” the voices chorused.

“And his sentence?”

“Burn him! Burn him!”

Mallam looked terrified. Lianna led the exit from the church.

“Come,” she said to Thorold, taking his hand. Imlach led Mallam into the darkness followed
by Lianna, Thorold, Sidnal and the folk of that village.

Sarah waited by the gate to the mound, holding a burning torch. She led the procession
through the village and into the fields where they stopped beside an unlit bonfire. In its
centre was a stake.

“No! No!” Mallam pleaded. “Forgive me! I’ll do anything! Anything!”

Imlach had a long-bladed knife, which he gave to Lianna as Sarah came to stand beside
Thorold while the villagers gathered in a circle round the stake. Thorold felt Sarah’s hand
touching his, then cold metal. He was surprised, but put the revolver in his pocket, and
watched as Lianna approached Mallam.

“Are you ready?” Sarah whispered to him.

Thorold did not answer. Nearby, Lianna cut the rope which bound Mallam.

“Run!” she said to him. “Run!”

For some seconds Mallam did not move, and when he did the waiting villagers moved aside
to let him through. He ran, bent-over, into the high, shielding wheat. No one followed.

“There is she,” Lianna pointed at Sarah, “who has betrayed us.”

Lianna came forward, took the torch from Sarah’s hand and beckoned to two men. They
held Sarah by her arms while Thorold stood with his hand clutching the gun in his pocket.
But he did not move, surprised by Mallam’s freedom, as the two men took Sarah away.
Lianna lit the bonfire with the torch, and on this signal the villagers began to dance around
it, laughing and singing. Two young women came to Thorold, held his arms and ushered
him toward the circle of the dance, and soon he lost sight of Lianna. He danced with them
around the fire, several times trying to break away. But another circle of dancers had formed
around the one containing him, dancing in the opposite direction, and constraining his
movement.

He seemed to dance a long time until he saw Lianna again. She was outside the circle of
dancers and came toward him, took his hand and joined in the dance. The heat of the fire
had become intense, and the dancers moved away, still holding the circles. Wood crackled,
and, among the singing and shouting,

Thorold thought he could hear music accompanying the dance.

“You did not believe her, then?” Lianna asked.

“You knew?”

“Of course!”

“And if I had believed her?” he asked, panting from the exertion of the dance and the heat.

“It would have been a pity to spoil the celebration.”

“And Mallam?”

She smiled. “He has his just reward!”

“Then Sarah is not your daughter?”

“Naturally not! And you have shown the insight I would expect from my future husband.”

Thorold was so surprised he stopped his dancing, and as he did so he could see, by the
light of the fire, blood upon Lianna’s hands and dress.
 XXIII

Thorold had no time to think. The dancing stopped, and he was borne along in the crush
back through the gate of the field toward the village.

Several times he tried to find Lianna but without success. He was approaching the church
when he saw her standing by the door with a young woman. Her hands were clean, her
dress a different one.

“Shall we go and see Sarah?” She said, smiling, when he reached her.

Inside the church, the feasting had begun, and Thorold followed Lianna and the young
woman, unwilling to form his fears and feelings into words. The light from the windows of
the black and white house illuminated the garden, and as they passed through it Thorold
could see, through the open door, fresh straw covering the floor of the stone building that
had been Mallam’s prison.

Sarah sat, her head resting in her hands, by the table in the kitchen, the two men who had
taken her away beside her, with Sidnal standing close by.

“Leave us,” Lianna said, and the two men left. “You have done well,” she said to Sidnal. “I
have a gift for you - as your grandmother I know, would have wished.”

Sidnal shuffled his feet and looked down at the floor as Lianna joined his hand with that of
the young woman who laughed playfully and dragged an unresisting Sidnal away. As they
left the house, Thorold saw Imlach standing by the door.

Sarah looked hopefully at Thorold. “Why didn’t you stop her?”

When Thorold did not answer, she said, “You didn’t believe me, did you?”

“No.”
“But it was true,” she said in desperation. “My father will tell you.”

Imlach turned away.

“Tell him! Damn you, tell him!” she shouted.

Imlach said nothing, and Sarah began to cry. Then, suddenly, she was angry and glowered
at Thorold. “You’re pathetic,” she snarled. “I pity you, I really do! You’re totally in her power!
She’s corrupted you, beshrewed you, and you don’t see it!”

“I know what has gone on,” Lianna said.

“What do you mean?” Sarah demanded, angry – and afraid.

“Between you and your father.”

“No! It’s lies!”

“I have known for a long time,” Lianna said quietly.

“I hate you!”

“So, that’s why you pretended to be her daughter?” Thorold asked.

“Yes!” Sarah was defiant. She stood up, as if to strike Lianna, and as she did so, Imlach
moved toward her. “I knew you loved her!” she said to her father. “That’s why I did what I did
– with you!” She laughed, almost hysterically.

Imlach raised his hand to hit her, but Lianna stopped him.

“Now,” Sarah shouted, “you’ll never know your child!”

Swift, she ran out of the house, too quick for her father to catch her. She was in the stone
building, pushing the door shut, by the time they reacted, and when they reached it she had
set fire to the straw.

She laughed at them as they stood by the door and flames engulfed her. Thorold tried to
reach her, but the flames and heat and smoke were intense and Imlach pulled him back.
Sarah screamed, briefly, and then was silent.

“I shall be at the feast,” Imlach said before walking along the garden path to take the lane to
the church.

“Come on,” Lianna said to Thorold, “there is nothing you can do here.”

She took his hand to lead him back into the house. She brought wine, and they sat at the
table in the kitchen drinking.

“I suppose,” Thorold said, “this is your house as well.”

“Indeed! Shall we live here – rather than in Shrewsbury?”

He ignored the question. “She said that you killed Monica – by cursing her.”

“Do you believe I did?”

For a long time Thorold did not speak. “No,” he finally said. “There was a book I found, in
your house, the evening – “

“The Black Book of Satan?”

“Yes. It mentioned sacrifice.”

Lianna smiled, disconcerting Thorold still further. He realized then the he still loved her. It
had been love that had overcome the doubts Sarah had given him, not reason.
“Tell me about Mallam,” he asked.

“What do you want to know?”

He wanted to ask about what he had seen – the blood on her hands and dress – but it had
been the briefest of glimpses in difficult light, and he could have been mistaken.

“He is free, then?” he asked.

“Yes – at last.”

“And you planned everything?”

“You tell me,” she said enigmatically.

“I think you set him up right from the beginning. Let him make his mistakes. Condemn
himself, in fact.”

“Possibly,” she smiled.

“But why?”

“I’m sure you can work it out.”

It was the answer he had expected. “How does the book I found fit into all this?” It was not
exactly the question he wanted to ask, but it would, he hoped, lead him toward it.

She smiled, as a schoolmistress might toward an otherwise intelligent pupil. “Satanism, you
mean?”

“Yes,” he answered, amazed at her perspicacity.

“It is not the way I follow. My tradition is different – much older.”

“And Mallam?”

“He followed his own dark path.”

“And Monica – surely she did not have to die?”

“No – it was an accident. But he killed her, accidentally or otherwise.”

“The village – how does it fit in?”

“Do you want to marry me – and share all this?” she asked.

Thorold smiled. “I thought I was supposed to ask you?”

”There is an older way.” She paused. “Yes – or no?”

Thorold felt the importance of the moment, heard the beating of his pulse in his ear, saw the
enigmatic beauty of the woman seated beside him, and remembered her physical passion,
her tears and words of love. “Yes,” he said trembling.

She kissed him. “I never really had much choice, did I?” he asked.

“Oh, yes, you had plenty of times to chose.”

For a moment Thorold had the impression that she had planned everything – including
Sarah’s intervention and death – but the impression was transient. He looked at her, and
could not believe it. She was smiling, and he suddenly realized that he would not care if she
had.

“Imlach – what will happen to him?” He asked to test her.

“He will stay with us – should you so wish it.”

He was pleased with her answer. “And if I don’t wish it?”

I believe that Sidnal will need some help with his land. Now,” she said, and stood up, “let’s
go to bed!”

Thorold needed no further encouragement to follow her.

-------

Tired from the physical passion of the night, Thorold was sleeping soundly when Lianna left
the house in the burgeoning light to dawn.

The village was quiet, and she walked past the church and into the fields. The bonfire of the
night before was but a smouldering pile of ash, and she walked past it and through the
wheat along the path Mallam had taken in his flight. Nothing remained by the edge of the
field to mark his passing, except a large patch of discoloured earth, which, she knew, would
soon be gone, and she smiled before returning to her house.

It would be another fifty years before the field would be needed again, and her heir would be
there to carry on the sacred tradition. She was pleased with her choice for the man who
would father her daughter, and, around an oak tree on the mound, she danced a brief dance
in the light of the rising sun.

[Fini]

Appendix

A Brief Note Concerning The Deofel Quartet:

The books in the Deofel Quartet were designed as esoteric Instructional Texts for novices beginning
the quest along the Left Hand Path according to the traditions of the ONA.

As such, their style is not that of a conventional novel. Thus, detailed descriptions – of people,
events, circumstances – are for the most part omitted, with the reader/listener expected to use their
own imagination to create such details.

Their intent was to inform novices of certain esoteric matters in an entertaining and interesting way,
and as such they are particularly suitable for being read aloud. Indeed, one of their original functions
was to be read out to Temple members by the Temple Priest or Priestess.

In addition, each individual book represents particular forms, aspects, and the archetypal energies
associated with particular spheres of the Septenary Tree of Wyrd. Thus, and for example, The Giving
– dealing with “primal Satanism” - relates to the third and fourth spheres, the two alchemical
processes of Coagulation and Putrefaction, and the magickal forms represented by the magickal
words Ecstasy and Vision. [For more details, refer to the ONA MS Introduction to the Deofel
Quartet.]
 The Temple Of Satan

A Symphonic Allegory

Order of Nine Angles

First issued: 102 yf

(This re-issue: [v 1.05] 119 Year of Fayen, Anton Long, ONA)

“Baphomet is a goddess of violent aspect

who washes in the blood of her foes. She
is the bride of Lucifer – a Gate to the Dark
Gods beyond this Earth.

Traditionally, Baphomet is associated with

the magickal grade of Mistress of Earth –
the fifth of the seven stages that mark the
Satanic path. Her daughters are Power,
Vengeance and Lust, but the only Earth –
based living child to be born from these
children is the Demon named Love….
 Herein are truths to set against the lies
and distortions of Elisphas Levi and others."

Book Of Recalling

Prologue

Melanie was a beautiful woman, and she had grown used to using her beauty for her
advantage. Her crimson robes, her amber necklace and her dark hair all enhanced it, and
she smiled without kindness at the overweight man prostrate before her.

The black candles gave the only light but she could still see the parchment paleness of his
naked skin as the dancers chanted while they danced sun-wise in the temple to the beat of
the tabors.

Beside her, a man cloaked in black declaimed in a loud voice words of Initiation.

"Do you bind yourself, with word, deed, and oath to us, the seed of Satan?"

"I do," the nervous, prostrate man replied.

"Then understand that breaking your word is the beginning of our wroth!" He clapped his
hands, and the dancers gathered round. "Hear him! See him! Know him!"

Seven beats from a tabor and the dancers broke their enclosing circle, sighing as Melanie
raised her whip. The sweating men knew it was a formality, a ritual gesture without pain. But
Melanie smiled, and beat him till he bled.

Then she was laughing. "Dance!" she commanded, and they obeyed, completing the ritual
to its end. And when it was over and the bloated man with the freshly bloodied skin drew
some pleasure as he slumped by the altar in the climax of a whore's sexual embrace,
Melanie left to swim naked in the sensuous warmth of her pool.
Soon, only the chief celebrant remained, waiting for her in the small study by her hall. He
was a tall man of gaunt face whose eyes brought to some a remembrance of the image of
someone who was mad. For years, a monastery had fed his body and tried to break his
spirit but he had given way to temptation and sought the road of sin.

Melanie's dress hid little of her flesh, and she sat on the edge of the desk beside him,
smiling as he turned his eyes away. He wanted her body, and she knew it and the reason
why he would do nothing.

"You are going bored with us, " he said.

"And you are afraid."

"Of where you might be leading us?"

"The Ceremony of Recalling."

"But no one, for a long time, has dared - "

She leaned over him, caressing his lips with her finger. "If I find you sacrifice, have you faith
enough to do the ritual and slit his throat?"

Thurstan's past seemed to him to consist of a series of disconnected memories and, as he

sat above the stream while hot sun drew sweat from his body and a light breeze carried it
away from the summit of the hill, tears filled his eyes.

His memories were of women. There was a beauty, and ecstasy about their recalling as
there was about his gestures of love and as he remembered he experienced again the
intensity of life that those gestures had brought him.

He remembered walking one late perfume-filled Spring evening to see, for just a few
minutes, the woman he loved before she left for the company of another man. It was, he
remembered, a long walk begun with the sun of afternoon was warm and the bridge that
joined the banks of the river Cam where they in Cambridge would meet only an image -
distant and hopeful - in his mind. He remembered, years later, a cycling 15 miles through a
winter blizzard to take his letter to the house of the woman he then loved while she slept,
unaware of his dreams. He remembered the exhilaration of running through the streets of
the city to catch the last train and the long walk in the early morning cold to a

house to apologize to the woman he then loved.

Yet the tears, which came to him, were not the tears of sorrow. Everything around him
seemed suddenly more real and more alive - the larks which sang high above the heather-
covered hills; the sun, the sky, the very Earth itself. They, and he himself, seemed to almost
to possess the divine.

He sensed the promise of his own life - as if in some way he and the woman he loved were,
or could be, the instrument of a divine love, a means to reveal divinity to the world. Yet the
divinity he sensed was not the stark god of religion, or even of the one omniscient God, and
the more he experienced and the more he thought he realize it was not god all. It was a
goddess.

This thought pleased him. He felt he had re-discovered an important meaning, maybe even
the ultimate meaning, about his life, and he walked slowly down the from the hill to wash his
face in the cold water of the stream.

The loss of his wife held no sorrow for him now and the sad resignation of yet another loss
began to fade. Like a little boy, he took off his shoes and socks and paddled along in the
stream.

There was no Natalie to share this with him as he might have wished, and his meeting with
her seemed a dream. Was it a week since you come upon her, sitting by the bank of the
river Severn in tree-full Quarry Park while, around, the town of Shrewsbury became drier for
the hot sun of summer?

He could remember almost every word of their conversation – she had smiled as he
had passed and he, shy and blushing, spoke of the weather, of how the long heat had
lowered the level of the water. On her delicate fingers – a ring with a symbol of the
Tao. So he had asked, and had sat beside her. For two hours they talk, revealing
their pasts like two friends.

"Without my dreams," she had said, "I would be nothing" and he hid his tears.
 There was a beauty in her words, in her eyes, sadness in the softness of her voice
and by the time she rose to leave he was in love, although he did not realize it then.
"Can I see again?" he asked. She was unsure, but agreed and he gave her his
address, named a day and time and watched her walk away wanting but not daring to
run and embraced her.

And then she was gone, lost to his world. A day only was over before he found her
address and sent her flowers. Next day – her long, sad letter. "I have nothing to give,"
she had written. "You were my random audience."

He sent more flowers, but sat alone by the river at the appointed time before the
dying sun dried away the foolish vapour of his dreams.

The cold water of the stream refreshed him and, as he bathed his face again, his sadness
slowly returned, only muted by his ecstasy. No one passed him as he walked along the
paths that wound down from among the hills. There was no one to welcome him home, and
the sat by the window in his small cottage wondering what he should do. The hills of south
Shropshire, the isolation, the garden - all had lost their charm. Somewhere, beyond the
valley, the hills, the villages and the town, his wife would be happy within the arms of
another man.

It was not a long walk from his cottage to the town and it's station, but the heat of the day
oppressed him as it made the other passengers in the stuffy, noisy train sit silent and still
throughout the short journey.

Variegated people mingled over the sun-shadowed platforms of Shrewsbury station and
Thurstan followed two young girls as they walked along the concrete above the sun-glinting
lines of steel which carried a diesel engine through the humid air and which vibrated with its
power the ground and buildings around. Then the wooden barrier siphoned the arrivals
down dirty stone steps and through ultramodern doors to the traffic-filled streets of
Shrewsbury.

It was in these streets Thurstan realized he was afraid. He believed he could sense the
feelings behind the faces of the people he passed – and not only sense them, but feel them
as if they were his own. He felt the nervous of vulnerability of a young girl as she waited,
half-afraid, by the frontage of a shop where people jostled, and an intimation of her gentle
innocence being destroyed troubled him. He felt the anger of a young mother as she
scolded her screaming child while cars passed, noisy, in the street: the pain of an old man
as he hobbled supported by a stick toward the pedestrian precinct where youths gathered,
waiting.

Thurstan fled from the people, their feelings, the noise, and the latent tension he could feel
in the air, to sit by the river in Quarry Park. The sun, the flowing water, the warm grass all
calmed him. He sat for over an hour, occasionally turning to watch a few people who
passed along the paths. He sensed an affinity, perhaps a love, for the individuals around
him – an empathy that he could not, even if he had wished, formulate into words. But this
insight was destroyed by a woman.

She was beautiful, the woman who passed him as she walked along the path near where he
sat vaguely wondering about love. She seemed to smile at him, but he could not be sure for
she passed under the shadow of a tree while sunlight narrowed his eyes. His feelings in that
moment were not mystical but rather a strange mixture of gentle sexual desire, expectation
and a burgeoning vitality mixed with the anguish of his shyness, and he was resigned to
simply remembering the moment as he had remembered such moments before when the
woman turned around and smiled.

Thurstan felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. The woman turned, past a
tree to walk under the bridge that fed a road over the river, and up toward the town along a
narrow, stone-lined passage, leaving Thurstan to his turmoil. Then he was on his feet, and
following.

He wanted to run, but dared not. So he followed, quickening his step. He would catch her
when the lane met the road ahead between High School and Hospital. Perhaps she sensed
him lurking behind and was afraid, for she seemed to Thurstan to quicken her step and he
was left to follow her not knowing what he would do. She crossed the road. Thurstan saw
nothing except her and had decided not to follow her anymore when she turned, almost
stopped, and smiled at him again. He felt she was waiting for him and this feeling made him
follow her along the empty pavement and down a narrow cobbled street towards the empty
market of an empty traffic-free town.

He was within yards of her when she vanished into one of the many small shops that lined
the street. 'J. Apted – Antiquarian Books' the sign above the door read.

No bell sounded when the Thurstan entered and in the musty dimness he peered around
the shelves. A portly gentleman with a genial face stared back at him.

"Can I help you at all, sir?" he asked.

In this small room beyond the shelves Thurstan could see no one. "A woman – did woman
just come in here?" Thurstan asked shyly, and blushed.

"A woman?"

"Yes - long red hair, green eyes, wearing a long dress."

The man smiled, kindly. "No one but yourself as entered here this last hour."

Fear of having mistaken the shop, which he saw her enter, made Thurstan rush towards the
door when he saw her portrait, in oils, upon the wall.

It was only several minutes later, after questioning the bookseller, that Thurstan realized he
is seen a ghost. The woman had been dead for 50 years.

II

Fifty years, the bookseller and said.

"Ii was a sad business, yes indeed. Murdered she was. In here - in this very house. I was a
school then, you see. You saw her, you said?" And the old man's eyes seemed to brighten.

Then Thurstan thanked him and fled through the humid heat and the peopled streets to find
a train to take him toward his home. He could not sleep that night, and the next day, at the
same time, he was in the park again, but she did not appear and he walked away to stand
for nearly an hour near the bookshop trying to find the courage to go in.

The bookseller was not surprised to see him. "She is beautiful, yes?" he said as Thurstan
stood staring at the painting.

"Where did you see her first?", the old man asked directly.
Thurstan turned towards him, and shyly shuffled his feet. "I -" he began.

The man smiled kindly. "I have always felt this place is still her home but, alas, I have myself
never met her, as you have done."

"I didn't realize -"

"That what you saw was an apparition? They appear so real, you see. I myself a small
interest in such matters. Would you like some tea?"

The invitation was so unexpected and so kindly meant to the without thinking Thurstan said,
"Yes - that would be rather nice."

"Shall we retire - to somewhere more comfortable?" the man smiled and wrung his hands. "I
shall close early, today!"

The room beyond the shop was, like the shop itself, lined from floor to ceiling with books,
and like the books, the table, chairs and desks were antiquarian. There was a large and
oddly shaped specimen of rock crystal on the table and Thurstan bent down to examine it. A
face - the face of a beautiful woman - was within it but Thurstan had barely recognized it
when it vanished.

"Help me!" he thought he heard a sad, distant voice, say.

The bookseller brought a tray, offered a mug of tea, some biscuits and cake while

Thurstan waited, half -watching the crystal and half -expecting to hear the distant voice. He
ate and drank, and listened to the words of the old man without really understanding them.
Somewhere, in a nearby recess or room, a large clock struck the quarter hour.

His nervous expectancy, the heat, the man's slow but persistent voice, all combined to
make Thurstan disposed towards sleep and he felt himself drifting to embrace that
temptation when a loud and persistent wrapping awoke him.

"I'm sorry," the booksellers said. "Would you excuse me?"

Thurstan heard a brief curse, the door being unlocked and a few words of the hurried
conversation that followed. He was staring into the crystal when the bookseller returned
alone. Nearby, the hidden clock marked the passing of half an hour.

The old man did not smile but stared, nervously, at the floor while he said: "I must go. An
appointment, you understand. You will not be offended I hope?"

"No, of course not".

"Perhaps -", but he looked up and cast his eyes down again before leading Thurstan
towards the door. He saw Thurstan look again at the woman's portrait but pretended not to
notice.

"Well, good-bye," Thurstan said, perplexed by the sudden change in the man's aura.

"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Jebb."

Thurstan held out his hand, but the bookseller shuffled away, leaving Thurstan to stumble
down the outside step and awkwardly close the door. He had almost reached Quarry Park
where a warm sun cast cool tree shadows over the grass when he realized he'd never told
the man his name. But this strangeness did not concern him for long as he walked down to
the river to sit on a bench, trying to remember what the bookseller had said.

It had been about apparitions, but not in general and not about the ghost that Thurstan and
seen, and as he sat watching the strong river flow silently by, he felt his sadness returning.
He would never meet her. Never be able to share his dreams, visions and love. He tried
hard to wish himself back in time - 50 years before. He would walk to her house and wait.
He would not care how long he waited. But he would be ready and somehow save her.

It was childish fantasy and he knew it was, but still he had to control himself to prevent the
tears. "There's so much I don't understand", he said to himself aloud and a young girl,
prettily dressed, moved away from him, fearful, as she passed by his bench.

His tiredness returned, slowly, brought by sun and his sadness and he closed his eyes to
briefly sleep. No sound woke him from the dream about his wife - only a beautiful scent,
nearby. A woman had sat beside him on the bench and for almost a minute he feared to
look at her. But then she seemed about to leave and he turned, in desperation.
Her dark hair was cut gracefully to fall just above her shoulders and she wore a necklace of
polished amber.

"Do you often gawp like that at a strange woman?", she said as he sat open mouth and
unbelieving. Only the colour of her hair and manner of dress was different.

"I…", Then: "I'm sorry, but you are so beautiful," he said without thinking as he let out his
breath.

She smiled but stood up to leave.

"Please- ", Thurstan stood beside her, unable to control himself, and held her arm as she
turned.

She was alive, and in his joy at this he forgot his fear of her reaction. But only for an instant.
He jerked his hand away.

"Yes?"

He struggled to find words would make sense but his thoughts were fastly moving water
breaking over the weir of dread.

She's saved him from this turmoil. "You may invite me to share a pot of tea with you at the
café around corner."

"What? Yes, of course."

He walked beside her, awkward and blushing, for many yards before she spoke again.

"You are an interesting man."

"Do you live in Shrewsbury?" he managed to say.

"Nearby."

"Do you often walk along here?" The banality of his questions pained him - but she would
think him a fool or mad, if he formed his chaos of feelings into words. And did not want to
lose her.

"Sometimes."

It was a strange sensation for Thurstan walking beside the beautiful woman. Was she a
vision sent to haunt him - or was his dream the ghost of yesterday? But he knew she was
real as he seemed to know the she was interested in him. In him, Thurstan Jebb. Perhaps
she was intrigued. Was it something in his eyes, he wondered, that gave him away? For a
long time he had believed he was different - a mystic perhaps, who felt and saw more than
others. This secret knowledge give him security in the outer barrenness of his life as he
eked out a type of living as a gardener, content to have forgotten his past.

"You are an interesting man", he heard in his head like an echo, and he smiled.

"May I ask your name? " he said, feeling his mouth go dry.

She turned and smiled. "Melanie."

"Melanie, " he repeated, like a fool.

"Yes. I believe it comes from the Greek for black."

"Hence your black dress."

"Not really. I think the colour suits me, don't you?"

Unexpectedly, she twirled around, laughing.

"I think most colours would suit you." she smiled at him again and Thurstan wanted to from
embrace her - more from sexual desire than from any nobler feeling. This sudden desire
surprised him with its intensity and he began to tremble. It seemed to him natural that he
should be walking with her, for she was not like a stranger to him. He wanted to hold her
hand as they walked away from the river up a narrow street to were an almost empty café
lay, renovated and waiting beside the boarded up windows and doors of a once notorious
Inn. "Barrick Passage", the street sign read.

They sat in silence for a long time as their Darjeeling tea cooled. "I don't", Thurstan said and
blushed, "make a habit of this."

"What? Drinking tea on a hot afternoon, " she teased.

"No - I mean inviting strange ladies…. "

"Am I strange then?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry," Melanie laughed. "Anyway, I invited you!"

Her smile made Thurstan's desire return. She seemed to be waiting - expectant. There was
warmth and her eyes, in her smile, even in the way that she leaned her body slightly
towards him. Her dress emphasized her breasts as her necklace emphasize her green eyes
and Thurstan greedily sucked in her beauty through his eyes as he sucked in her perfume
through his nose. Her skin was tanned and he found it impossible to judge her age. He
wanted to tell her of the ghost he seen - of his dreams and hopes and visions about life. But
all he did, trembling of limbs and with straining heart, was reach across the table and hold
her hand.

She did not flinch nor move away as half of him expected, but slowly stroked the back of his
hand with her thumb. He was elated with his success, and closed his eyes in delight.

"You are trembling, " she said, gently.

Slowly, he shook his head. "I can't believe this. There are so many things I want to say."
"Don't say them. Let's just enjoy this moment."

"You are so beautiful." he reached up and stroked her face with his fingers.

"Will you walk with me to my car? "

Dazed, he followed her out of the building to walk beside her. She did not seem to mind
when he held her hand.

Several men turned to stare at her as they descended the shop-strewn steepness of Wyle
Cop to cross the busy road. Thurstan was oblivious to it all.

The luxury of her car surprised him and he stood beside it under a hot sun, tongue-tied and
embarrassed and feeling lost. Only the wealthy could afford such a car.

"You seem surprised, " she said, breaking free her hand to find the keys in the pocket of her
dress.

Their slow but short walk from the café had unsettled Thurstan, for the magick of the
moment they had shared appeared to him to be drifting away to another world, and he
would began to convince himself that he had been mistaken. There would be nothing more -
except perhaps the future possibility of him trying somehow to painfully recapture those
moments: to draw her on toward the fulfillment of desire. But all she did was hold the
passenger door of the car open for him, saying, "Come on." And, obedient, he sat beside
her, while chaos returned to his head.

Skillfully she drove through the streets to take a road westerly from the town while Thurstan
watched and waited, so full of anticipation that he could not speak. She turned to smile
several times as a miles lay numberless because uncounted behind them and as a strong
summer sun coloured the sky deep blue, he found his desire increasing. He knew she
sensed this, and drove faster as if intoxicated both by the power of the car and his feelings
toward her. The road rose steadily through small villages, past cottages and houses, to turn
and re-turn between the Stiperstonerocks and the growing hills that became Wales, leading
up from a tree-lined valley to the desolate wastes of marshlands were abandoned mine-
workings lay.
Melanie left the main road that dropped slowly between the Corndon and Black Rhadley
hills to follow a low hedged-hemmed lane over the border into Wales. The lane rose and fell
to rise again between fields worn for centuries only by sheep and sparse of tree. Then, quite
suddenly, Melanie stopped.

Thurstan felt her anger before he saw it in her eyes. She was staring at him, but he only
smiled. For a moment, she did not seem quite human and when he reached out for her
hand she snatched it away.

He was perplexed by this change in her rather than afraid, and sat, quietly waiting and
smiling. When she looked away, he said, "I can walk back if you wish."

She did not turn around. "It might be best."

"I'm sorry if I have upset to you in any way. I thought...."

"I know what you thought!" she said savagely.

"No - not just that." he closed his eyes to see within the fleeting impression of his dreams.
The days, hours, minutes shared: the moments of intuitive closeness - sharing a sunset, a
snowy day in Spring, laughter, tears, and physical joy. The look, touch, feeling of lovers.

Thurstan did not want to lose his dreams. "You are a rare, precious and beautiful woman.
There is something about you - I don't know what it is." He felt so much love within him that
he wanted to share and thus his words could not be stopped. "I sensed something about
you when we sat by the river. Call me mad - or a fool, or both. I don't care. You sensed it
too, I know."

Angry still, she said, "What did you sense then?"

"Then maybe you are my Destiny." Gently, he stroked her face.

"Your dreams are not real."

"They are if I make them real." He sighed and stared out the window. A raven flew nearby,
but it did not interest him. "Maybe it was the goddess I saw in you, I don't know. I've
certainly made a fool of myself this time, haven't I?"

"You interest me, " she said, her anger gone.

"And you perplex me." Since he felt he ought to be honest he added, “and you arouse my
desire. But you know that. As you know that basically I'm just a romantic fool with a
headpiece filled with dreams."

"You do not know anything about me."

"I have always found the beginnings of relationships difficult. The tentative steps, the
gradual unravelling of lives. It always seemed such a waste - there are so many more
important things. And I'm not talking about the physical aspect either. I always plunge
straight in - rather bad choice of phrase - the grand passion every time. Never seem to learn
either.

"So, it's not important for you to know me. I sense things about you. I see your beauty, smell
your perfume, and am intoxicated. You offer the choice of existence, meaning, bliss,
sorrows, tears. Whenever. It does not matter - I am alive again! Really living. Full of energy,
anticipation. You are music, poetry, dance - even religion."

He laughed. "Now you know that I am mad!"

Slowly, she drove on to where a cottage with a sagging roof and decaying walls grew
beside the road, sheltered from sheep by a small garden where a rusty dismembered tractor
lay dead. Incongruous beside it was a new car, spreading bright sun. Melanie stopped, and
entered the cottage without knocking on its paint-peeling door. Less than a minute later she
returned.

"I must see you again," she said she started her car. "Now I have other matters that must be
attended to. "Joel," she indicated the men who emerged from the cottage "shall take you
back."

Thurstan look perplexed so she said, "Don't worry," and touched his face. "You were not
mistaken. Meet me tomorrow night at nine where we met today. Can you do that?"
"Of course!"

"Good. Now I must go."

To Thurstan's surprise, she leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Then he was outside
the metal womb of the car. She did not wave, but drove quickly away to leave him standing
beside the ugly man with a madman's grin.

Over the cottage, a raven flew to shadow him briefly from the sun.

III

They were waiting for her, in the small wood near the circle of ancient stones. Algar, Master
of her Temple, smiled as he watched her walk alone towards them.

"So," he said, "he was not to be our chosen." In the light of the wood, his dark gaunt
features were sinister.

"There shall be other times." Melanie did not take she offered robe. "Tomorrow when dark
comes, we shall gather here again."

"For the sacrifice?" Algar asked.

"Perhaps." She addressed her followers directly. "Go now. And tomorrow we shall feast and
rejoice!"

She did not wait but turned back along the track toward he car. Almost obsequious, Algar
walked beside her.

"But he was receptive?" he asked.

"Yes."

"You do a particularly fetching in that dress if I may say so." Then, seeing her

indifference, he said, "Shall you lure him tomorrow?"

"He may not be suitable."

"Oh? Why would that be then?"

Melanie stopped and stared at him and he visibly cowered. "What do you mean?"

"I meant nothing," he said truthfully. But her anger aroused suspicion.

"The new candidate?"

Algar smiled. "He has healed well. He would like to see you, privately of course."

"Of course. Tonight?"

"I could arrange it, if you wish."

"Arrange it!"

The humid heat of the evening annoyed her while she waited, and when he did come,
brought forth from the darkness outside her house by Algar, she was impatient to begin.
Algar took the man's money before leading him into the candle-lit incensed Temple where
he stripped and bound him to the frame.

But the frenzied whipping of the fat man with bulging eyes and pale skin did not bring forth
the joy of pleasure she anticipated - only a hatred that quickly passed as the man groaned
and sighed, taking his own dark pleasure from his pain. There was little blood upon the back
and buttocks of the man and Algar, leering in the shadows, was surprised when she
stopped. The bound man turned to look up at her, his eyes pleading for the pleasure her
pain and dominance brought him. He could see her breasts clearly through her thin sweat-
stained robe, but his hands were bound by leather thongs to the cold aluminium frame and
he could not reach out and touch them as he wished.

There was a strange desire within Melanie and it appalled her. She tried to destroy it by
fulfilling her role as Satanic whip queen and surrendering again to the joy she found in
dominating and debasing the men she despised. But it did not work and the lashes she
gave became softer until they stopped completely. In disgust at herself she threw the
leather scourge upon the altar to let Algar disrobe and take his own selfish pleasure upon
the man whom he unbound and pushed roughly to the floor.

Her swim in the warm water of her pool settled some of her feelings, a little, so she was able
to plan how best Algar could kill her chosen sacrifice. She and she alone would dare to call
the Dark Gods back to Earth. The chosen would be easy to entice to their sacred circle of
stones as he had been easy to capture, and the more she thought of the deed to come, the
more the anticipated pleasure covered and obscured her remembrances of his gentle
dreams.

She was Melanie, Mistress of the Earth in the Temple of Darkness: ruler of a coven of fifty.
No man would mould her feelings. For years she had schemed, cheated, manipulated and
lied, building from the foundations of her beauty and sexuality the wealth and power she
craved as a girl. She was fifteen when her parents died when the plane they were in
crashed. A teacher befriended her and was not long before she realized the power her
innocence and beauty gave her. He was her first victim, but she soon tired of him and his
small gifts and sought more wealthy prey. But she despised them all, these man who lusted
after her - they would sell their souls, and most of them had, for the short pleasure she
sometimes allowed them to find in her body. Thurstan would be no exception.

It would be good, she felt, to sacrifice him at the moment he achieved his desire. This
thought pleased her and she swam slowly, allowing the physical exertion and the warmth of
all of water to gently excite her.

Algar watched the rear lights the man's car fade on the long driveway from the house before
he shut the door. Melanie was upstairs, asleep, and he did not creep but walked boldly
through the hall to her secret Temple. It was a small room, windowless and black,
containing only a chair and a wooden plinth on which stood a large quartz tetrahedron.

A diffuse light, reddish in hue, was thrown upward from the opaque floor and for many
minutes Algar sat in the chair amid the warm and perfumed air. He felt powerful, sitting
there instead of a kneeling on the floor while she sat smiling and forming her thoughts into
the crystal to become the chains, which bound him.

"With a look or smile," he remembered she had said, "I can strike you dead!". He did not
doubt it. Three years ago she had stolen his power.

For ten years he had followed the way of his Prince gathering allies and power. Even as a
boy he'd followed some of these ways, but his teachers and superiors had mistaken his
hatred for intellectual sophistry, his dark interior life for spirituality and his ruthless ambition
for spiritual gifts. The world of monastic schooling was all he had ever known or wanted and
it was natural that it should lead him to a novitiate and the Order of his teachers.

For one year, and one year only, he tried to follow their way until Bruno the elder novice had
one night seduced them as he lay in his cold monastic cell.

For weeks afterwards he had prayed to the Prince, "Our Father, which wert in heaven
hallowed be thy name in heaven as it is on Earth. Give us this day our desire and delivers
us to evil as well as temptation for we are your kingdom for aeons and aeons. Prince of
Darkness, hear me."

Bruno died soon after, in his sleep, an expression of stark terror on his face. "Heart attack" a
doctor had said, but Algar knew his humiliation had been avenged.

He was a Priest, his dark life hidden and a source of satisfaction, when he first met her. It
was a cold morning in Spring and she stood outside his little church, radiantly beautiful in
the light of the sun. "I have come, " she said, "to ask you to say a Mass for us". She held out
her left hand and he saw the strange symbol on her ring. Obedient, he knelt down to kiss it.
"How did you know?" he asked. She smiled, not kindly despite her beauty. "I have seen you
at night pray to our Prince."

The crystal had guided her. That very night he presided as priest at a Black Mass and
afterwards, with only her servant Lois remaining in her large house, she had bound his will
with her own. He had been standing by the crystal when Lois had stripped him bare and
offered her body. Then Melanie the dark witch was laughing but his sudden anger was no
match for her power and she stared at him before binding him by curse.

Her eyes seemed to suck his will away and she unthreaded an amber bead from the many
she wore around her neck. "In this bead I bind you by the power of our Prince! Binan ath ga
wath am!" she chanted. "Nythra!…" He watched silent and paralyzed while she counted the
fifty beads she wore around her neck. The crystal gave power to and magnified her
thoughts and when she released him he stared at it for several minutes. But it was useless -
he could do nothing with it and calmly allowed himself to be led by Lois to his room. And
when he awoke, worn and feeling old, there was a beautiful boy, waiting naked, by his bed.
"I am her gift" the burgeoning man had said….

Algar sighed as he remembered. Even after three years he did not know the secret of her
crystal but he did know the Satanic organization she had created to keep her power and
wealth, and as he walked from her temple to find a telephone, he was smiling.

"Rathbone?" he said into the telephone receiver. "This is Algar. I believe you owe us a
favour ….I have a job for you."

Upstairs, unknown to or her High Priest, Melanie was awake and watching him on the
monitor screen of her discretely installed surveillance system.

IV

Thurstan was early. It was a humid evening and he sat by the river enjoying the twilight. The
new clothes he had bought for the occasion made him feel self-conscious and every few
minutes he would look around. But the few people who wandered by did not - or pretended
they did not - notice him and he would be left to rehearse again in his head what he would
say to Melanie when they met.

It was not a sudden decision, but the planning of the night before, that made Melanie watch
him silently from a distance. She did not watch for long.

Darkness was upon the hill as in silence the worshippers prepared, guided only by the
diffuse light from the candles in their red lanterns. Carefully Algar laid out the sacrificial knife
upon the woven cloth inside the circle of stones. The thongs were strong and would bind the
victim while the cloth would soak up the blood. Satisfied he whispered commands.

"She is here!" Lois said seeing the signal from one of the men guarding the track that led to
the stones.

There was a sigh from thirteen throats and then the slow dance and has chant began.
"Suscipe Satanas munus quod tibi offerimus…” Soon the hissing became like the sound of
a thousand demons chattering as they rose gleefully from the pits of Hell. In the centre,
Algar waited with his muscular helper to bind the victim's arms and legs.

Then Melanie was before him. One bead of her amber necklace appeared to

Algar to be glowing, pulsing in rhythm with the beat of his heart. He was becoming
mesmerized with this when it occurred to him that Melanie was alone.

Before he could move he was held from behind. He felt thongs being tied around his wrists,
heard Melanie whisper mockingly in his ear, "We have our sacrifice!”

"No! No!" he screamed. But she was laughing as someone gave her the knife.

Around them, the sibilant chant rose towards its climax, the dancers fleetingly caught in the
red glow from the candles.

With a sudden burst of energy Algar screamed. "Jebb dies if I do!" but a gag silenced him.

Melanie held the sharp knife to his throat before loosening the gag. "Tell me what you
mean!" she demanded.

"He dies if I do not return," Algar said, flinchingly.

"Is that so? "

"Rathbone shall - "

Melanie clapped hands twice and from the darkness around the track a man stepped into
the dim circle of light. Someone held a lantern near his face.

"I had no choice," Rathbone said, his face, like a weasel, twitching.

Then Algar was on his knees, crying. "Spare me, spare me!" he pleaded
"And if I do?" demanded Melanie.

"I shall always be your slave."

Three times Melanie clapped her hands as a signal for the dancers to gather around. "See"
she said, "all you who dwell in my temple. Here is Algar, the High Priest who thought he
knew my secret, admired and envied for his fortune by you all. See now how he begs before
me! Shall I spare him?"

"Kill him! Kill him!" they demanded.

Melanie laughed. Algar was brought to his feet. "For a year I shall spare your life."

The dancers, as if signalled silently, dispersed to return to their dance. "Now," she

whispered to Algar, "you shall see my power - brought without the gift of blood!"

She did not speak, or move, but slowly raised her hands as, many miles away, the crystal
within her secret temple began to glow. "Atazoth! Atazoth!", the dancing dancers hissed.
The sky above and around them was clear, speckled by stars but a ragged darkness came
to cover a part of the sky as a putrid stench filled the air and a circle of cold fell around the
worshippers. No one moved, then, or chanted or spoke but all stared up at the sky. The
darkness grew slowly before withdrawing into a sphere that darted across sky. And then it
was gone.

"Tomorrow, " Melanie said, "you shall see the chaos I have caused. Now feast and rejoice
and take your pleasure as you will!"

Around her, the orgy began a she unbound Algar's hands and led him from the revelry
toward her car.

"There is much you do not know, " she said she drove toward her house.

Algar did not speak during their journey and slunk away like a broken man into his room on
their arrival, while Melanie watched him on a monitor screen. But it was not long before she
began thinking about Thurstan. She had reached out to him while she had watched him
sitting by the river and even had not Algar's intended treachery changed her plans she knew
that she could not have hurt him.

She had even lost her lust for Algar's blood and let him live. Somewhere, around the world,
the dark power she unleashed would be causing disaster and death. It was a small
beginning, the prelude to the opening of the Star Gate which would return her Dark Gods to
Earth. But it was not fulfilling, and she thought it might be.

Unsettled, she went down to her temple. The warmth of the gentle light, the perfume but
most of all the crystal brought here reassurance about her power and role, and she forgot
about Thurstan and a burgeoning dichotomy he was causing in her head. Perhaps her Dark
Gods and guided her to the crystal - she did not know. But only four years ago she had
found it, in a Satanic Temple she had visited. The group had not impressed her, but the
High Priest was easy do manipulate and her given her the crystal as a gift. Only when she
first touched it did she discover its power.

The High Priest was the first person whose soul she bound within the beads around her
neck. He still brought her money from his schemes, and sometimes a new member. She
was content to leave him to bask in his little power, knowing she only had to summon him
for him to fall prostrate at her feet. And when his schemes failed or he ceased to be of use,
she would remove his bead and grind it into dust, for then he would surely die.

For weeks after the gift of the crystal she had shut herself away in the small house she then
shared with Lois. The crystal brought knowledge and she had learned how to use it to travel
among the hidden dimensions where the Dark Gods slept, waiting for someone to break the
seal that bound them in sleep. She learned of Earth's past, of how the Dark Gods had come
bringing terror and much that was strange. Of how her Prince was their Guardian, given the
Earth as his domain. Her shape-changing Prince was her guide to the Abyss beyond, and
she explored the Abyss without fear, trembling or dread. She would be ready, she knew,
when the stars were aligned aright, to call and summon the Dark

Gods from sleep.

Her temple, the men she held in thrall in her beads, were but a means to this call, for the
crystal was the key to the Star Gate. She, and she alone of all those who over the centuries
had tried to bring the dark terrors forth, would succeed - of that she was sure.

So had she played her games of power and joy, feeling herself the equal of gods. There
were few crimes that she had not sanctioned or sent men, in their lust, to commit, few
pleasures she had not enjoyed. Yet she was not maddened by either pleasure or power,
and kept her empire small, sufficient for her needs, and herself anonymous. Many small
firms headed by small men, a brothel or two, a number of temples in the cities beyond -
such were the gifts of her Prince and she tended them all, as a wise woman should.

Slowly, and contended once again, she left for temple to climb the stairs to her bed.

Algar waited, quite patiently, until he was sure she was asleep and knocked, not too loudly,
on Lois' door. She had returned alone, as he knew she must, and was not surprised see
him.

"Yes!" she asked and smiled, leaning against frame of her door. Sometimes, Algar like to
talk with her, as one servant to another.

Algar did not smile, nor speak but moved towards her to stab her in the throat. She rasped,
staring in disbelief, and staggered back towards the bed. Not content, he followed and
stabbed her through the heart. The beauty that had pleased Melanie would please her no
more and, smiling at this thought,

Algar wiped the handle of the knife clean on the satin sheet. Soon, he was running away
from the house under the shimmering bright stars of the humid night.

Melanie awoke slowly. She sensed a change in the aura of her house and had walked
towards her door before realizing what it was. She was alone. But there was no fear in her
and she wandered barefoot and naked along long corridor, as there was no shock when she
entered Lois' room.

It was then she knelt down to gently close the eyes of her dead lover that the reaction came.
Her cold hatred toward Algar for his deed was soon gone, and in the silence of her house
and for the first time in her life, she began to cry.

Outside, a stray, fierce dog howled.

Algar heard the howling as he ran down the narrow lane away from the house and in terror
he scrambled through the hedge to run faster across the fields. The dog, sent by the dark
force of Melanie’s will, had picked up his scent and Algar ran, desperate and stumbling,
toward the valley stream.

The house lay alone on a track below the hill that held Billings Ring, the fields around sheep-
strewn and rough, overlooked by the southerly slopes of the Mynd that turned the waters of
the Onny River south then almost north until a softer rock fed them eastward again. The
sound of water was clear amid the silence of the night and Algar stood beside the stream in
an effort to slow his straining breath. The lights of a car on the road above and a field away
from him shone ragged through the high hedge, and Algar crept down, fearing to be seen.

But his fear of the pursuing beast was stronger and he waded into the stream to walk along
it for several yards and hide under the bridge. He could hear the dog but could not see it
and waited, cold and shaking, for nearly half an hour. The bridge swept a narrow lane away,
and up from the valley road, to a hamlet of a few houses. There would be no safety for him
there in the farm workers’ houses less than a mile from Melanie’s home.

For some time he listened intently, and, hearing nothing, crawled slowly and scared from
the stream. He was on the lane, almost at its junction with the road when the stalking dog
attacked. It leapt snarling to try and sink its teeth into his throat. But Algar shielded his face
with his hands and the dog bit deeply into his arm, knocking him over. It bit him again as
Algar struggled with it on the ground. There was a large stone by his hand and Algar used it
to smash at the dog’s skull. In a frenzy, he struck the dog until it was dead. But even then
he kicked it several times and threw the stone at its face before staggering to the road.

The first car that passed him did not stop and nearly knocked him over as he stood in the
road waving his bloodied arms, but the second one, a long time after, did stop and Algar
pretended to faint. The driver was near when Algar leapt up to push the man away before
stealing his car.

The pain was excruciating but he tried to ignore it and the dizziness that threatened to
overwhelm him. He had one hope and one hope only and drove fastly toward Shrewsbury to
seek sanctuary from Melanie’s curse. The roads were empty, the streets of the town
deserted in the silent hours before dawn and he abandoned the car to walk the last quarter
mile to the church.

No light shone in the Presbytery windows until his insistent knocking on its doors awoke its
occupant from his sleep.
Cautious, but not afraid, the old Priest opened the door.

“Help me, Father! Please, help me!” Algar pleaded.

He did not see the bats that flew silently away from the church.

-------

There was no choice, as Melanie knew. The two members of her Temple, summoned from
their sleep, carried the body to their van. Melanie had cleaned and bathed it, using her own
black satin sheets for a shroud, and she stayed beside it during the hours it took them to dig
the grave.

Dawn came, with no wind to break the silence of the forest, but its beautiful colours did not
interest her as she stood, dressed in white, in the still air to watch the two men lower the
body into the Earth. There were no prayers to her to say, no lament for her to sing – only an
unvoiced oath to avenge the death of her friend. The earth was returned, the covering of
grass and small bush neatly replaced, the debris of leaves and broken twig scattered again.
There was no sign of the grave and, satisfied, Melanie allowed the men to return to her
home.

“There shall be gifts for you both,” she said as they bowed slightly before taking their leave.

Slowly, in her secret Temple, she unthreaded from her necklace Algar’s bead. There was no
frenzy of anger within her but a desire for Algar to suffer a slow, painful death as she
squeezed the amber bead several times between her fingers. To her surprise the crystal did
show her Algar contorted in pain. Yet she knew that even though for some reason she could
not see him and thus discover his location, she was still causing him pain, and as she
danced around her crystal she increased the pressure on the bead before stopping to
visualize the time and place of his death, two weeks hence in the centre of her circle of
stones.

Slowly, and deliberately she cut the threads, which bound his life to this Earth, and,
although still living, he was imprisoned in her web of death. It was not difficult for her to
move the plinth upon which the crystal stood, for she had done it many times before and the
mechanism which she had installed many years before did not fail her. The plinth, and the
stone and which it rested, moved quietly aside to reveal a dark pit that sank deep into Earth.
She did not smile, or feel anything, as she let the bead drop to join the scattered human
remains.

The remains were the work of the sinister woman who had in the weeks of her dying given
Melanie the house. “I have waited for you,” she remembered the old woman had said,
“waited as our Prince said I should. My coven and books and house are yours.” She never
spoke again, but signed her name on her will, and Melanie was left to find the old woman’s
secrets from the Black Book of workings she had kept. ‘I, Eulalia, Priestess of the forgotten
gods, descended from those who kept the faith, here set forth for she who is to come after
me, the dark secrets of my craft…’ The book was Melanie’s most treasured possession,
after her crystal and her beads. It was the crystal that first showed her the house.

She let the crystal guide here again and sat in her chair while the plinth slid silently back into
place. At first, the tetrahedron showed nothing, but its inner clearness gradually vanished to
reveal a man’s face. Thurstan was in his cottage, reading as he sat hunched on the wide
inside sill of a window, framed by the rising sun. He looked up, briefly, and smiled as if
aware of being observed. He seemed to Melanie to be staring at her. Then he was gone as
the crystal cleared.

His smile, that gentle look in his eyes, her sensation of herself being observed all confused
her, and she left her Temple to walk under the warm sun in the walled garden at the rear of
her house. It was not long before she returned to her crystal.

It did not respond to her commands of thought. There was no Thurstan for her to see, not
even an outside view of his cottage. Faint images seemed to be forming, but the were
intrusive – bats flying away from a church at night, a raven plucking the eye from a dead
dog – and her failure angered her. Her anger was the catalyst, and transformed the
flickering images into a clear vision of Algar writhing in agony upon a bed. Above him on the
wall, was the symbol of the Nazarene. By the bed an old Priest spoke silent words as he
read from a leather breviary.

Melanie’s laugh erased all thoughts of Thurstan from her mind.

VI

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immunde spiritus, omnia Satanica potestas omnis incursio infernalis
adversarii ….”
The old Priest continued his prayer of exorcism while Algar writhed in pain on the bed. But
then the pain eased. Algar however, did not attribute this to the Priest but to Melanie’s
curse. She would want him to die slowly, and as he lay smiling inwardly at the antics of the
old man who had earlier cleaned and dressed the wounds the vicious dog had caused,
Algar sensed a chance for life.

It would not arise from the exorcism for he had no belief in the religion of the Priest which
once and briefly he himself had embraced inwardly. The old man had been kind, listening
intently as Algar had told him a tale composed mainly of lies. He had been given sanctuary,
clothes and medical aid – which was all he wanted – and let the Priest play out his farce of a
role. His chance for life would come from his own hands by his breaking of Melanie’s curse.
For that, she herself would have to die, and he began to think of stratagems by which he
could lure her to her death.

Thurstan Jebb held some fascination for her, or some future potential which she planned
somehow to draw out for her own advantage and although he did not know nor particularly
care which, if any of these was correct, he knew enough to realize Jebb might provide his
bait. The plan he thought of pleased him, bringing a resurgence of some of the power he
had felt as High Priest and he allowed the old man to finish his prayers before explaining he
would have to leave.

He thanked the Priest for the exorcism, lyingly said it was effective and thanked the man for
saving his life. He even suggested they go into the church to say a prayer of thanksgiving.
Algar, offering his wounds as an excuse not to kneel, sat to say aloud in Latin a suitable
prayer. The Priest was impressed, as Algar knew he would be, and did not say no when
Algar asked for some money.

“Just a small loan, Father,” the lying High Priest said.

A few hours later, he was safely in Leeds. The pain, which came to him during his journey
by train, was not intense or prolonged.

Ray Vitek was not pleased to see him and it showed on his face. But in deference to Algar’s
position he asked him politely inside the seedy terraced house along the sloping streets
between the traffic noise of Hyde Park Corner and the tree lined peace of Meanwood Ridge.

“So,” Vitek said suspiciously as they sat among the books within a mould-filled room, “she
has sent you for another favour.” Nervously, with thin fingers, he stroked his pointed beard.
“A favour, yes. But not for her.”

“I see. So it has come to that.”

“Will you join me – against her?”

“Years ago – I forget exactly when it was – I had a Priestess. Perhaps you remember her?
No, well I was young then, as you were. I loved her. Linda was her name. Then she came to
entice her away. She died – in a brothel.”

“Then you will help?”

“Me – once in love! I have never loved anyone or anything since.”

“I did not know,” Algar said, acting concerned.

“Who cares – I don’t care – not any more.” Then, his mood changed, he added, “what has
she done to you then?”

Algar took off the coat that the Priest had given him and showed his bloodstained bandages.

“So?” Vitek said. “Why come to me?”

“Because you have friends. Desperate friends who need a little something every now and
then. What would they do for a year’s supply?”

“She would have you killed before you did anything.”

Algar laughed. It was not pleasant to hear. “She does not know about my – how shall I say –
my little side-line!”

Vitek was surprised – but his lethargy soon returned. “So what can I do?”
“Your friends,” Algar said – and his imitation of a gargoyle suited him, “shall keep a little
something of mine. To lure her. She come – and they – how shall I say – entertain her?”

Vitek’s brief laugh was broken by a spasm of coughing. He spat into the fireplace. Then,
remembering: “but her power – “

“When they take her they bring you the necklace she wears. You shall bring it to me.”

“But I remember – “

“The crystal? Yes, I shall smash it while she is away and her power will be gone!”

“A year’s supply, you say? For them all?”

“For them all!”

“It shall be done as you wish. When?”

“Tomorrow!”

“So soon?”

“It must be! When she arrives – surprise her. Take her by force, tear the necklace away!
Without it she has no power. And when your friends have finished their games with her –“
he shrugged – “an overdose perhaps.”

“When do you deliver?”

“After the deed is done.”

“I may need something – “

“To offer them? Of course! You shall have it, my friend! This very day. Give me two hours.”
His torment was beginning again, and as he strove to control the pain, sweat began to
dribble down his face. “I shall return here.”

He did not wait but rushed to flee outside where he stood under a cloudy sky while his body
contorted in pain. “I shall kill you!” He repeated. “You shall die a horrible death.”

He imagined that the death Melanie would find tomorrow and although this brought a little
satisfaction it did nothing to lessen his pain. He felt like he was being crushed. Then, as
suddenly as it had before, it stopped. He walked on toward the summit of the road, dreading
its return.

He worked slyly and quickly in the anonymity of the city while thunderclouds covered the
sky and the humidity grew. A few telephone calls, a meeting with a man whose expensive
car drove him along the crowded streets to a small warehouse by the river. Promises made,
a briefcase given to him, another journey by car and he was handing Vitek the promised
goods – small packets containing white death.

His pain did not return, but his dread of its returning never left him, becoming during the
growing cloud darkness of the daylight hours a demon to haunt him. He was always two
footsteps behind, this demon.

The Satanic underworld did not fail him. For two years he had used his influence as
Melanie’s High Priest to spin his webs in the temple of the empire she had built. Money
diverted, a few small schemes of his own. He had been waiting for her weakness, and had
found it. Soon, her empire would be his.

This pleased him. He was given help in her name, but in a few days it would be his name
which commanded respect. He had used her name before and she never knew. He used it
again, and a young man collected him in a new car and ferried him toward her home.

The demon of dread followed. Several times while lightning struck and nearby thunder
crashed, he feared Vitek’s betrayal. “You know how she feels about these,” he had said to
Vitek while he gave the white death away. And Vitek’s sunken eyes had bulged. “She does
not like them. Warn her, Vitek, and there shall be no more.” Vitek’s thin, grasping hands
said he understood. “Your friends, Vitek – I should have to tell them, you understand, if you
betrayed me.”
His fears grew like the darkness that brought the day to its end until he became a madman
pretending he was sane. He had procured a revolver, and caressed it repeatedly.

Apted was in his shop, as Algar hoped he would be. As soon as Apted unlocked the door he
pushed past him.

“Is all well with you?” Apted asked cheerfully.

Algar pressed the barrel of the revolver into a flabby cheek. “Give me Jebb’s address!”

“But she – “

“Give me the address!” He eased back the hammer of the gun with his thumb.

“But I gave it to Rathbone.”

“He is no use to me now! The address!”

Apted gave it.

“Tell her, fat man, and I shall carve the fat from you, slice by slice! Understand? Good! She
is finished!” As a gesture of his defiance he spat at her portrait, which hung on Apted’s wall.

The storms, which had followed him from Leeds, fell upon the town to wash the heat and
dust away, stealing, for a few brief minutes, the lights that kept the night at bay. Somewhere
below the thunder, a young child screamed.

VII

The storm pleased Melanie and she danced naked in her garden while the rain washed her
body as she sucked the storm’s health in.

She was inside, allowing the warm air in her secret Temple to dry her when she heard the
telephone ring. The call was brief and she dressed slowly before saying goodbye to her
house.

Apted was in a corner of his shop, jibbering, the telephone in his hand, his door open as
Algar had left it. She smiled at him and touched his forehead with her hand. Soon, he was
almost smiling.

“I had to tell him. I am sorry,” he said and meant it.

“You are safe now. He cannot harm you. Do you believe me?”

“Yes, my princess.” Happiness returned to his face.

“Is Jane still in your care?”

“Why, yes! But they have threatened to take her away from me.”

“May I borrow her for a few days?”

“She is yours now – a gift from an old and grateful man.”

Melanie’s brief kiss surprised him, but when he opened his eyes again, she was gone.

The sky had cleared by the time she drove along the narrow track that led to Thurstan’s
cottage among the hills of south Shropshire, and as she left her car to walk the few yards to
his door bats swooped around her. She greeted them, as a queen should, laughing as she
pushed the door open.

Thurstan was gone, as she half expected him to be, and she felt and smelt the traces that
Algar had left. There was a note, stuck to the table by a knife and she read it without
emotion. “Come alone,” it read, giving a date, time and place, “or he shall die like Lois.” It
demanded a large sum of money.

She burned the note in the fireplace before examining the cottage. There were few books
and all of those were in Greek. Homer, Aeschylus, Sophocles… Few clothes, furniture or
possessions. In the bedroom she found a neat pile of translations but they did not interest
her, as the cottage seemed to hold few clues to Thurstan himself. It was damp if clean,
austere but full of memories. The memories, spectral forms and sounds, seeped out of the
walls, the floor, the beams which held the roof, to greet Melanie. Sighs, laughter, the pain of
childbirth, an old man dying his bed while his spirit wandered the hills above.

Two centuries of life, struggle, love and death.

But however intently she listened, however still she held her gaze, neither sights nor sounds
from Thurstan’s past seeped to her through the gates of time, and it was behind the only
painting in the cottage that she found her answer. It was a good painting of a pretty woman,
curiously hung above the long narrow windows where Melanie had seen Thurstan sitting.
Behind it, totally obscured, was a niche carved from the rough stone that made up the walls.
It contained a large quartz crystal. Stored in the crystal was Thurstan’s life, in images only a
Mistress of Earth or a Magus could see.

-------

The child that Algar had abducted near Apted’s shop during the storm had lain silent and
terrified in the car while the young man drove through the night, obedient to Algar’s
commands because he believed he was acting in Melanie’s name.

The young man had said nothing when Algar told him to stop and took the child into the
darkness of trees by the road. He kept his silence when Algar returned alone fastening the
belt of his trousers. He said nothing as he stood waiting for Thurstan to answer the knocks
that Algar made upon his door. Kept his silence as he bound and gagged the man at whose
head Algar aimed the revolver. Said nothing as he drove his silent passenger to the city of
Leeds and the rotting, broken houses that were Algar’s destination. The human shadows
that surrounded his car and who dragged the bound man away repulsed him, and he was
glad when Algar gave him money and dismissed him.

There was much mute laughter and hissing glee as Thurstan was hauled from room to
smelly room whose denizens lay supinely on floors or leaned, festering, against walls while
loud music played. Vitek was lashing Thurstan to a chair in an upper room when Algar’s
demon of dread leapt and sunk its rows of teeth into the flesh of its prey. Algar did not
scream but cowered in a corner, his whole body convulsed. Thurstan was smiling – or
seemed to Algar to be smiling at him – and he leapt up to punch Thurstan several times in
the face. Instantly, his torment ceased. Then Thurstan winked.
Raging, Algar held the revolver to his head, but Vitek calmed him and led him away, saying,
“He is our bait, our money. Leave him.”

Daylight brought no sun or light through the boarded windows and Algar slept, twitching
from nightmares, on the floor of a suppurating room where three men took turns copulating
with a young girl too tired and drugged to care. But their energy did not last and soon only
Thurstan was awake, dreaming of the woman he had loved.

-------

A few high cirrus clouds flecked the beautiful blue of the sky as Melanie drove slowly under
the warm sun through the busy streets of Leeds. She was not late, and parked her car in the
narrow rubble filled street of boarded up houses. Two men with long greasy hair wearing
chains for belts watched her, showing rotten teeth as they smiled.

Swaggering, they walked toward her as she got out of her car. Behind her, another man
emerged from the shadowed alley beside a house. He was within feet of her when she
opened the back door of her car. Gracefully, the leopard leapt into the sunlight.

She stood leaning against her car while the leopard sat beside her. Respectfully and
silently, the men moved away. Then, one of them moved slowly toward her but he did not
speak as she did not, only bowed his head while she stared into his eyes. He walked away,
then – and there was a scream as he, obedient to her will, entered the house, then the
sound of breaking glass and wood. A shout. “Don’t come any closer!” And a single shot, dull
but echoing.

Another man walked toward her and he too bowed his head, a little, as she stared into his
eyes. “Kill him!” a voice like Algar’s screamed, as he too entered the house.

The third and last man came forward to wait with her beside her car. For a long time, silence
– broken by a shout from within the house.

“We must kill her.”

Three men carrying clubs and knives came forth from the house but the single man was no
match for them and was soon beaten unconscious. Triumphant, the three moved sneering
and leering toward Melanie.
“Kill her! Kill her!” the demented Algar screamed from the safety of the house.

“Come on!” laughed one of the men, “hypnotize me!”

“She is making me tremble!” jeered another.

“Let’s strip her, hey?” Laughed the third.

Melanie did not see but rather sensed Algar aim his gun and she stared toward the
shadows in the doorway. There was no shot, only Algar cursing as the revolver jammed,
while the leopard stood and kept the shouting men away.

Their obscenities were irrelevant to Melanie as she was content to wait in the heat of the
sun for her full magickal powers to return. Her control of the three men had weakened her, a
little, but she knew her weakness would not last. Perhaps the jeering men sensed her
weakness or perhaps Algar had told them to try to drain her power away, but it was not
important and she hid her strength for Algar’s expected attack.

It was Vitek who came running from the house, carrying an axe. He slowed, as her power
touched him, then stopped to stand harmless and silent. But his appearance broke the spell
that kept the others at a distance – they rushed toward her howling with drug courage. The
leopard snatched one, her power slowed another but the third was not stopped. The knife
he carried reflected the sun and Melanie side stepped gracefully to strike the rushing man
as he passed, his momentum conveying him into her car. He bounced, slightly, before her
blow to his neck sent him falling unconscious onto the road.

Her absorption freed Vitek who fled into the house.

“Leave!” she commanded and the leopard obeyed, leaving the uninjured man to help his
sobbing and bloodied companion away.

Behind the house she heard shouting, and a car being driven away. Thurstan, Algar and
Vitek were gone, and as she stepped over bodies near the door, the house burst into
flames. She could almost hear Algar laughing.
 VIII

The coven was gathered, dressed in crimson robes, in the large Satanic Temple to give
honour to Melanie as Mistress of Earth. A man lay on the altar, naked, while a young
woman in white robes kissed his body in the light of the candles to the insistent beat of the
tabors.

A masked figure dressed in black came to lift the man from the altar and place him at the
feet of the green robed Mistress of Earth.

“What do you wish?” the Mistress asked.

“It is the protection and milk of your breasts that I seek”. The naked Priest reached up as
the Mistress bared her breasts, but she kicked him away with her foot.

“I pour my kisses at your feet and kneel before you who crushes your enemies and washes
in a basin full of their blood.” He stared at her body. “I lift up my eyes to gaze upon your
beauty of body: you who are the daughter and Gate to our Gods. I lift my voice to stand
before you, my sister, and offer myself so that my mage’s seed may feed your virgin flesh.”

“Kiss me,” she taunted, “and I will make you as an eagle to its prey. Touch me and I shall
make you as a strong sword that severs and stains my Earth with blood. Taste me and I
shall make you as a seed of corn, which grows toward the sun and never dies. Plough me
and plant me with your seed and I shall make you as a Gate that opens to our Gods!”

Slowly, she led him to the Priestess whom she kissed on the lips and caressed before
removing her white robe.

“Take her,” she said to the Priest, “for she is me and I am yours!”

Around them the coven gathered, clapping their hands to the rhythm of the tabors as the
ritual copulation began. And when it was over and the Priest lay sweating and still upon the
Priestess, the masked Guardian of the Temple came to lift him up and forced him to kneel
at the feet of his Mistress.

“So you have sown,” she said, “and from your seeding gifts may come if you are obedient
hear these words I speak. I know you, my children, you are dark and yet none of you is as
dark or as deadly as I. I know you and the thoughts within all your hearts: yet none of you is
as hateful or as loving as I. With a glance I can strike you dead!”

The Guardian brought her a large silver chalice, which she offered to her coven in turn. The
Priestess was the last to receive the gift of wine and the Mistress kissed her to receive the
wine from her mouth.

She threw the remains of the wine over the Priest, saying, “No guilt shall bind you, no
thought restrict you here! Feast and enjoy the ecstasy of this life. But ever remember, I am
the darkness that lives in your soul!”

She did not wait for the orgy of lust to begin, but left alone. No sounds of Satanic revelry
reached her as she sat in her own small Temple, waiting. But the crystal showed nothing.

For hours, Melanie sat still and alone. She did not think of the flames that only yesterday
had engulfed her and from which she had escaped unharmed, nor of Algar, fleeing now
from those who sought to collect the bounty she offered for his death. The ritual had bored
her, and she did not miss the pleasure that she had obtained in the past through having a
man grovelling while she whipped his naked flesh. Instead, she thought of Thurstan and his
strange life that she had seen in the crystal. There was a quality about this Thurstan that
both pleased and disturbed her, as if he was someone from a dream she had just awoke
from and could not quite remember. She wanted to forget the dream and concentrate on the
pleasures of her own world, but she was lonely. Thurstan’s intrusion into her planned and
orderly life, Lois’ sudden death, both combined to become a catalyst and change her
emotions. And it was her feelings of loneliness which surprised her. For years, she ruled her
coven and small empire through her magickal charisma, power and the fear she inspired.
She could be charming, subtle, scheming and brutal as the moment and the person
required, never losing her belief in herself and her Destiny. For a long time during the years
of her growing she had felt herself chosen and different from others. Gradually, awareness
of her Destiny came – as Mistress of Earth, ruler of covens, who would dare to return the
Dark Gods to Earth.

She still felt her Destiny – but it was the distant beat of her pulse in her ear, not the yearning
she now felt to share with someone a moment of life, like the strange moment she had
shared with Thurstan while they sat in the café and he, trembling, had first held her hand.
She had been playing a role, then, but somewhere and somehow the role had become real
to her and for an instant she had become the woman she was pretending to be – gentle,
sensitive and vulnerable. This woman had returned, unexpected, when she had held the
dead Lois in her arms. Her tears had been real tears of love and loss – but they did not last.
Now this woman sat in Melanie’s secret Temple, thinking of Thurstan and the moment they
had shared. This woman knew she was alone.

Then Melanie, in anger, walked slowly from her Temple, her eyes glowing, to seek the
comfort of her car. Her speed was an attempt to express her anger and she drove westward
along narrow lanes and wider roads for nearly an hour before returning east to stop near the
stone circle. The twilight of closing cloud and strong wind coloured the sky near the
descending sun, and Melanie stood in the circle’s centre calling on the storms to break.
Thunder cloud rushed toward her, killing the colour, as the wind graved strong and heavy
around. There was no thunder, only a sudden and prolonged burst of rain, which Melanie
laughing let soak through her thin dress to the warm flesh beneath. She became intoxicated
by the power of wind and rain, and danced around the circle calling on the names of her
gods. She was Baphomet – dark goddess who held the severed head of a man; she was
Aosoth – worker of passion and death. Circe – charmer of man; Darket – bride of Dagon.
She felt her crystal, many miles distant, begin to respond and draw power from the Abyss
beyond. The power came to her, slowly, through the gate in the fabric of space-time, a
chaos of energies from the dimensions of darkness. Her consciousness was beginning to
transcend to the acausal spaces where the Dark Gods waited and she sensed their longing
to return, to fill again the spaces of her causal time. They were there, chattering in lipsed
words she could not understand, roused from sleep by the power of her previous rites,
ready to seep past the gate to feast upon the blood of humans.

But they could not break through from beyond the stars. The two universes, rent together by
her will and crystal, were drifting apart again and she was left to walk along the track from
the stones while the wind lost its power and the clouds left with their rain.

She sat in her car for a long time, No power, not even a trace of power, had come down to
here over the abyss that divided the causal and the acausal realms of existence. No chaos
for her will to form and direct as it had many times before. Her magick was weakened. The
cause of her failure became clear to her slowly, like the low autumn mist of a valley
becomes cleared by the sun as it heats the cold air of morning. She was in love with
Thurstan, and her feelings of love had begun to brighten the darkness that was the source
of her power.

IX

“The Police have released the names and photographs of the two men they wish to
question in connection with the murders in Leeds…”
Vitek turned the radio off. Algar was beside him in the van they had stolen in Leeds, waiting
for the last glimmer of light to conduct the ritual, which he hoped, would free him from
Melanie’s curse.

“She arranged things well,” Vitek said while in the rear of the van Thurstan worked silently
to try and free his bound hands.

“Of course!” Algar shouted, “what did you expect? Her influential friends! When she is dead
they will be mine!”

“Must we…?” asked Vitek, indicating Thurstan.

“It is the only way. The force cannot be invoked without a sacrifice. Her power is weakening!
I sense it!”

The forest Algar had chosen lay in a small valley between the haunted rocks of the
Stiperstones and Squilver mound, and had in times past been used by the darker covens
which once had abounded in the area. He would invoke the Great Demon, Gaubni, through
sacrifice, and imbue himself with power before setting forth to kill Melanie herself. His ritual
would strip her of magick, her death would end her curse.

“Come, let us prepare,” he said.

Trees were creeking in the breeze and the smell of stinking fungi mingled with the damp the
heavy rain had brought as Algar walked carefully the path to the small clearing. Vitek
followed, stooping and afraid, listening to Algar mumble incantations. “Veni, omnipotens
aeterne diabolus! Agios O Gaubni…”

The incantation became louder until Algar was shouting the name. “Gaubni! Gaubni!” Then
a silence that startled Vitek. He could not see Algar’s face as he stopped and turned in the
clearing but he heard the hissing and saw the hands raised like claws. The long, bony
fingers grasped Vitek’s neck and the strength of the arms pushed Vitek to the ground. Algar
sat on Vitek’s chest, slobbering and laughing while his nails tore the flesh on Vitek’s face.
The spasm of struggle did not last long as the fingers snapped the neck.

Possessed, Algar loped awkwardly out of the wood. Thurstan sat hunched in the back of the
van and Algar stared at him, dribbling like an idiot while in the distance a dog howled.
Algar was struggling to control the chaos which had possessed him and direct it to bring
another death when he heard the voice behind him.

“Come to me, come to me!” the melodious voice said.

Algar turned to see the leering face of a multitude of witches. Then they vanished. But
another voice came from the trees behind him.

“You are my gift!”

He did not look, but the power of the demon he had invoked was sucked from within him to
form a hideous face whose rows of teeth gnashed before the mouth opened to spray Algar
with fetid breath. Then it was gone, sucked into the trees and down into Earth by the power
of the long-dead leering witches.

“You are my gift!” the voice repeated.

There was no longer any magick in Algar and he became just a man who was half-mad. His
madness made him move toward Thurstan, but the High Priest was afraid, and all he could
do was turn and watch as Vitek with a ruptured face and dead eyes walked toward him.

“You are his gift,” a chorus of voices behind him said.

Desperate, Algar performed a banished ritual, inscribing a pentagram in the air before him
with his hand, saying, “The sign of the Earth, protect! Agios O Shugara!”

The dead body of Vitek still came toward him. He invoked more gods, drew a pentagram,
called on the Prince he had followed in secret from youth, but Vitek moved ever nearer
while behind him the ghostly chorus laughed.

He tried a hexagram, but his gesture and words had no power and, in abject terror, he
began to pray fervently in Latin to the god he had scorned.
“In nominee Patris, et Filli, et Spritus Sancti. In nominee Jesu Christi….” he mumbled.

But Vitek did not stop – instead, the dead eyes swivelled down to stare at him and the
mouth opened in a leer. Algar fled, crazed and stumbling, along the track, over a fence and
field, to run up the side of the steep hill. He did not stop when he reached the summit, but
ran on down the steep bank and over another hill to drop exhausted into a ditch. Terror
brought recovery and he ran on for many miles over fields, fences and hills, his clothes and
flesh torn by stone, wire and thorn. And when he could run no longer, he crawled among the
heather that grew on the side of the Mynd, clawing his way to the slope’s summit. He rested
then, staring down into the silent blackness below, fearful and afraid of something following,
and praying praying for the light of dawn. He made a kind of cross from stems of heather
which he pulled with bleeding fingers from the ground. Around him, nothing stirred.

-------

Thurstan had freed his hands from the cord, which bound then when he saw Algar run
away. Cautiously, after unbinding his feet and removing the gag, he left the van.

Twilight had almost ended, but sufficient light remained for him to follow the path into the
woods. He walked for sometime but could find nothing and no one. The place seemed
peaceful and calm to him.

A large dog was sitting by the van when he returned. It did not bark, but sprang up to run for
a few yards along the track before stopping.

“Your guide!” a soft voice beside Thurstan said. When, he turned, he could see nothing.

There was no moon, only the lingering glow of the sun that was now below the horizon. The
clear sky soon showed the brighter stars and in the pleasant warmth of the early night
Thurstan followed his guide along the track to paths and narrow lanes that kept a southerly
course until he was led eastwards by the stream and up to where a large house lay
darkened and silent.

He knew why he followed the dog, as he knew whose house it was, but he still stood
nervously in the driveway. The evening was dark by the time he walked toward the house,
and as he did so a soft light shone through the half-opened door.

“Hello!” he called like a jester to a court of fools as he stepped onto the mosaic tiles of the
hall. He did not see the door behind him close.

Somewhere he could hear a harpsichord being played. He followed the sound, along the
hall and up the stairs whose walls were lined with paintings depicting lust, greed and joy, to
where a door was open. A voluptuous perfume reached out to him and he closed his eyes,
listening to the gentle music. It seemed a long time to him that he waited, listening and
trembling. But it was only a few heartbeats of his life that passed.

He took several steps into the candle-lit room. Melanie sat at her harpsichord in a long
flowing dress and looked up briefly before playing the fugue to its end.

The room was beautiful, graceful in its few furnishings, the music was beautiful, the light
itself was beautiful, casting subtle hues that only a painter, a musician or a poet might recall.
But most of all, to Thurstan, Melanie was beautiful. His senses, subdued by his captivity,
were overwhelmed and he began to cry, not loudly or for very long, but as a mystic or an
artist might cry when overwhelmed by such splendour.

She smiled at him again when her fingers ceased to work their magick upon the keyboard,
and held out her hand. He could see her breasts, uplifted and partly exposed by her dress,
rise and fall with the rhythm with her breathing: the way her amber necklace seemed to glow
a little in the light from the candles around her, and he walked forward, hardly able to
breathe.

But this was unreal to him, an idle dream, perhaps, of a hot insect-filled summer’s day as he
sat by the stream near his cottage. But their fingers touched, bringing reality. He felt shy and
foolish as she stood to face him, gently smiling. No words would reveal themselves into the
world through his mouth, and he embraced her, stroking her hair with his hand while she
moulded her body to his so he could feel the heat of her flesh through the thin dress.

Stretched were the moments of their embraced until she kissed him, pressing her tongue to
his lips in supplication. He let her in, smelled the fragrance of her breath and felt with his
hand the warmth of her breast and the erection of her nipple as her tongue sought his. He
did not see the door of the room close silently, nor the strange shadow that seemed to stand
beside it, but let himself be let to the circular bed in the adjoining, darkened room.

She was gentle with him as she removed his clothes and then her own, kissing his body as
he kissed hers in return. He tried to speak of his love and her beauty but she pressed a
slender finger to his lips as they lay naked together on the sensuous softness of the bed
while perfumed incense caressed them. He felt the softness of her breasts and kissed them
in worship as he kissed her lips, shoulders, face and thighs in worship before tasting her
moistness. She pulled him gently upon her, opening herself in invitation, and he did not
need his hand to guide him to her hidden cleft.

He moved slowly, and for a long time the gentle intimacy continued while the warm humid
night brought sweat to him and a gradual urgency to her until a frenzy of passion possessed
them both, rising to issue forth into loud ecstasy mutually achieved before the natural fall left
limbs loose and a pleasing exhaustion.

He slept then, although he did not wish to, holding her as if he feared she might go, softly
breathing the words of his love. He dreamed he was walking on a strange planet whose two
bright suns lit the purple sky. There was a city nearby, but it lay in ruins, and as he
approached over the warm sand, he could see the desolation of centuries. He wandered the
empty streets made of strange steel where above twisting walkways hung or soared to meet
the towering pyramids of buildings whose entrails of floor and room had been cut away
cleanly and left dangling from tendons of wire. He felt a sadness at the desolation, for the
world was abandoned and quite dead.

When he awoke from his dream, Melanie was gone.

Part of her wanted to kill him. His death would make her free again; restore to her the power
she had lost.

She sat in her Temple wondering what to do. The years of her life had been bereft of love
and only Lois had shown her kindness – unexpectedly, for kindness was something she had
never wanted nor sought. But she had been too proud, too confirmed in here role and quest
for power to let the kindness of Lois matter, and their relationship had become, for her at
least, a simple affair to satisfy her lust and turn her momentarily from the hatred she felt for
the many men who sold their souls and gave their wealth and power away to satisfy
themselves with her body.

For a year she had withheld her favours from all men, using her magick as a snare and a
weapon to keep her dominance and power. She let them lust, and satisfy themselves with
the whores she gave them. But she had enticed Thurstan, sending a wraith to guide him to
her house after she had found him through her crystal waiting bound in the van. Other
forces had gathered round, surprising her, but she had fought them and gained control,
moulding them to her will to bring the dead body of Vitek back and send Algar in terror to
the hills.

She had sensed the other powers were trying to help Thurstan and keep him from her for
some reason she did not understand, but she wanted him and would have her way.

Now, her crystal reached out to him upstairs where an elemental spirit, born from one of her
rituals, waited to work her will, hovering by the bed she had left. The spirit was guarding
him, shielding him from other powers, but she had only to transform her thought through the
crystal for the elemental to cause Thurstan’s death and break the heavy chains that now
seemed to bind her to his Earth.

But she did nothing. She was intrigued by the other powers she felt and by his crystal that
she had found. There was also, for her, a promise in the feelings she felt for him – there
seemed to be new pleasures awaiting, new experiences to enhance her life. She began to
think of what these might be – of what it would be like to talk with someone, just to be with
someone, who seemed to love her, not her power, wealth or influence. Someone whose
lust, though real and strong, was bound with sensitivity and who sought through it an
ecstasy of sharing beyond the physical; someone who gave, and did not just take. She had
captivated him at first, but not as she had expected: not as she had captivated all the merely
lustful men before him. He had seen beyond them to another world.

These thoughts pleased and disturbed her, but she sensed he had awoken from his dream
and waited, strangely tense, for him to find her. When he did, and stood in the doorway of
her Temple, she hid her feelings before trying to destroy them.

She did not succeed. The crystal began to glow, betraying her as it pulsed to the beat of her
heart. He walked past it, drew the glow onto his hand and offered it to her. She stared at
him as he stood before her smiling. Then, before she could open her hand to receive his
gift, the light in the Temple faded, and then was gone, leaving only the glow he held before
her.

A multitude of babbling, hissing voices broke the silence.

“He is ours!” one clear voice said.

“Ours!” a second and third repeated.

The powers she had felt before were stronger now and she strove to cast them away by
casting her thoughts into her crystal, but the glow on Thurstan’s hand dimmed, then died.

There was laughter in the Temple, the smell of rotting flesh as, slowly, a luminous shape
began to form in a corner. It began to resemble a bearded man with green skin who held in
his hands a crook and a whip, and from whose eyes fine filaments emerged to move toward
where Melanie sat. She knew they would form a web to imprison her. She formed her own
will into purple strands to form a wall before her but the filaments snaked easily around it
before writhing toward her. She cast an inverted seven-pointed star at them, but the star
shattered and was obliterated. Sweating from the effort, she held her hands outstretched
before her in readiness to absorb the power that came toward her, tensing her body to try to
cast it into her crystal and send it out into the acausal space where it would die.

She felt Thurstan beside her and the heat of his hand as he touched her shoulder. In the
instant of his touch the mocking laughter stopped. She did not know what was happening
but Thurstan’s face had become a dark void filled with stars, and she felt herself becoming
stronger. A chaos of energies rushed from the void to be transferred to her by Thurstan’s
touch, but the energies were not hostile and she shaped them by her will into an auric
demon before casting them at her foe. The demon greedily ate the filaments before
devouring the green bearded man. Then it too vanished, leaving Melanie and Thurstan
standing naked beside each other in the soft light of the perfumed Temple.

When she looked at Thurstan, she realized he was in a trance. She sat him down gently
and stroked his face until he awoke.

He was surprised to find himself in the Temple and embarrassed by his nakedness.

“Are you alright?” Melanie asked.

“Yes, thanks,” said Thurstan blushing and covering his genitals with his hands. “I must have
been dreaming!”

“What did you dream?”

“I was on this dead planet – in a city. Alone. Then I saw you. There was a shadow near you,
which I seemed to think was threatening you, so I came to you and held your hand. Strange
thought – I thought I woke up.”
There was no guile in Thurstan’s face as Melanie looked: and in that instant he seemed an
innocent child. He sought to hold her hand as if for reassurance and she did not refuse. She
looked at him, as he sat smiling and embarrassed, then at her crystal and then at Thurstan
again, realizing as she did so that in some way she did not yet understand Thurstan was a
gate to her gods, a medium, perhaps, that anyone might use. It was not the thought of using
him and his psychic gifts that made her kneel down beside him and kiss his lips, but a
strange desire to somehow share again the moment when he had first touched her hand
and trembled – to discover again the joy that his body had brought her, the feeling she had
felt when she had examined his face and found a curious trust.

He responded readily to her kiss and they made slow, tender love on the floor of her
Temple. Melanie was receptive to him through her burgeoning feelings of love, and felt
herself drawing power from him. She let this power build within her before trying to transfer it
by an act of will to her crystal but even she was surprised at the ease of this and the extent
of the power she had stored. The crystal began to glow, and in her orgasm she felt
possessed of the power of a goddess. But she did nothing with her new found power, and
let it rest safely in the crystal in her Temple before realizing, as Thurstan breathed in her ear
the works of his love, that it was her own feelings of love that were the key.

She lay for a long time while Thurstan caressed her and their sweat dried slow, wondering
about the meaning of this in the context of her Satanic life. But only vague feelings, need
and desires suffused her and she led him from her Temple in the quiet house to her own
bed. He was soon asleep, entwined around her warm body, while she inwardly watched the
shadows that gathered outside her house, held away by the power she had stored in her
crystal. They beat down, screaming, leering and threatening, upon the auric protective
sphere that enclosed her and her new lover, desiring her death or at least a chance to lead
Thurstan away. These shades of the dead and dying were like rain to her, and she listened,
safe and warm, while they beat noisily down.

In the morning, they were gone. But they had sucked her crystal dry. Melanie slept on, her
body pressed close to Thurstan’s, while in her garden Algar waited, ready to kill her with the
billhook he held in his hand.

XI

Ezra Pead lived surrounded by mould and mites. The mould rose up the feet of the furniture
in his small, dark cottage at the end of a muddy track between two high hills that shielded
him from most of the sun, while the mites could be seen scurrying away from anything he
touched.
The wood burning stove in his kitchen lay broken and unrepaired, letting damp seep up the
walls and wood lice to cover the floor, and he cooked his soups on a small gas-burning ring.
He was not an old man, but bore himself like one and dressed like a tramp, his beard
matted and long. The large sums of money his father had left him he left unused in a bank,
and he walked the three miles to the small town of Stretton once a week to withdraw the few
pounds he needed to keep himself alive.

Like his cottage, Ezra Pead was slowly falling into decay. His cottage smelled and was like
an overgrown, wild forest whose floor is alive and where green fungi crept slowly up trees
and where strangling ivy thickens and hardens as it grows round trunks, branches and
stems seeking the canopy of leaves. What falls to the ground is captured by the myriad
creatures who live mostly unseeing in the dampness, or covered by mould and by mites, or
stolen to be eaten or stored away by insects. The roof did not leak, but Ezra Pead would not
have cared if it did. He had plenty of buckets. He never opened the windows which were
covered by thickly spreading grime.

He spent his days reading the many books and manuscripts that surrounded him
everywhere in the chaos, or writing in one of the large vellum bound volumes that covered
one of his three scriptorium desks. Unlike his features or dwelling, his handwriting was
beautiful, and he used a quill pen and ink that he made himself.

All his books and all his writings were about alchemy or magick. When darkness came, he
would light a candle and retire to the room where he slept. There, where no windows
relieved the dampness of the walls and where only a rusting metal bed stood upon the floor,
he would cast his spells into the night. All his reading, spells and writing were directed
toward one end: to discover the secret of life and so make himself immortal. Every night he
invoked demons from the pages of the medieval Grimoires he possessed, for he had read
once and long ago when young that some of these demons knew the secret. So he invoked,
and questioned them, night after night and year after year. Baratchial, Zamradiel, Niantiel,
Belphegor, Lucifuge … he knew the legions of Hell well, and although the answers they
gave him he did not often understand, he wrote them all down in his book after the
conjuration was over and his ritual banishing complete. A demon named Shulgin he invoked
most of all using his ceremonial circle, names of power and sword – but the demon spoke
backwards in a numbered code and transcribing the messages took many hours of his day,
as breaking the original code had taken over a year of his life.

But the years of his work wore down his body, and he began to wish for a better means to
find the answers that he sought. He possessed an insane faith in demons he invoked, and it
did not seem to matter to him that most of the information he obtained was meaningless or
wrong. He checked and re-checked the answers, searching patiently among his books and
manuscripts. There were enough answers over the years, which could be corroborated with
the little he already knew or could find in his books to keep his faith in the quest, and it
never once occurred to him that this quest was destroying the life which he hoped to
prolong.

Sometimes, he would venture from his cottage in search of herbs to grind and make into
incense or oils to aid his invocations, talking to himself while he walked. All his original ideas
and expectations had been eroded over the years – there was no stone for him to make by
alchemical means, no potion for him to drink. He had tried both ways, led by manuscripts
and demons, but his alchemical apparatus lay dismantled in his shed together with the rare
juices of plants and bizarre ingredients he had used. His apparatus and ingredients had
come from a dealer only too eager to indulge his expensive needs, but the cost made little
difference in the money that he kept in the bank.

For almost a year, following the ten years of his alchemical work, an idea had come to
possess him. Something was happening that was threatening his quest. His demons were
becoming increasingly disturbed or disoriented. Sometimes his invocations did not succeed
– or he obtained a jumble of form as if someone or something was disrupting the energies.
He felt something himself – a force darker than the demons he knew. An ancient manuscript
have him the clue – the cosmic tides were changing, or rather being changed by someone.
The very balance of the hidden universe was threatened.

Minor ripples in these tides were no stranger to him, but these did nothing to change in any
significant way the current of Osirian energies that he worked with and which for centuries
had passed over the Earth, partly due to the rites of the Church of the Nazarene and those
who followed its faith, for they belonged to the same world as him. He was only part of its
darker side. He knew a change was coming, symbolized by the son of Osiris as a child, but
this was a natural progression that would not affect his own work or alter in any meaningful
manner the balances of power on the Earth, despite the rhetoric of some of its adherents.

But this new distortion was different. If it succeeded, it would bring a new Aeon, which had
no magickal Word to describe it – an Aeon of Chaos. He spent months searching his
manuscripts and books for answers. Parcels of books arrived regularly from his dealer –
they were read, then discarded, to suck more mould from the floor.

He began to realize that he was near the centre of the disruption, but the demons he
invoked to question were incoherent or would not appear. He needed the blood of
sacrifices. The dealer brought him a dog, which he kept chained outside. He began using
necromancy to bring him the spirits of the dead, sacrificing often by sending the dog out to
bring a victim back. Sheep were not a problem, for they roamed the hills around cottage,
and he would sever their necks letting the blood pour to his floor while he chanted his
invocations. And when it was over, he would burn the body in a pit outside while the spirits
he had raised gathered round.

He found his answers. He did not know the identity of the person who was trying to break
through the causal dimensions and draw to Earth the energies of Chaos, but he knew the
area from where the forces were being drawn down and sent his reluctant spirits to guard it.
His ancient manuscript told of dark entities that were waiting to be returned to Earth to drink
their fill of human blood. Atazoth, Dagon, Athushir, Darkat … such were some of their
names. Once summoned, they could not be returned. To be summoned they needed
human sacrifice of special kind.

His own work had wrought changes in the astral planes, drawing to his cottage another
Adept, and Ezra Pead did not like the man who arrived at his cottage. Jukes did not like
Ezra Pead either, nor the squalor he found. But a vision by his Priestess had brought him,
and her trance warnings made him stay, offering his help and that of his Temple of Ma’at, to
prevent the Dark Gods from returning.

“We have a common aim,” he said, and Pead, reluctant, had agreed. “They cannot be
allowed to break the Current of Aiwaz.”

Jukes, stocky and squat, sincerely believed what he said. For over a year he had run his
small Temple in London, helping by his acts of magick to further the Aeon of Ma’at. By day,
he worked in an office, but at night, in his basement flat, he became High Priest for his
gods. He had read widely on the subject of the Occult, made many contacts during the
years of his searching, but he was surprised by the books and manuscripts the Pead
possessed.

Avarice was a stranger to Jukes, but the rare books and manuscripts introduced them.

“They need a human sacrifice,” Pead said in his lisping voice.

“Can we prevent it?”

“If we knew who it was.”

“Your manuscripts – “
“They are silent.”

“May I?”

Pead smiled. “Study them here? Of course.”

For two days he studied, while at night, he stayed in a hotel in the nearby town, slightly
fearful of the obsessive Pead and the savage dog, which strained on its chain snarling every
time he entered and left. The filth and squalor oppressed him while he worked, as avarice
whispered cunning words in his ear, but he ignored them. On the third day he rose from the
stool by a scriptorium desk, triumphant.

“So they need a psychic, eh? Pead said.

“There is a ritual – the Ceremony of Recalling – to which he is brought. The sacrifice, and it
must be a man, is killed and the High Priestess washes in a basin full of his blood before
calling the Dark Gods back to Earth.”

“So, you found all of this there?”

Jukes held the vellum manuscript carefully. “Yes. The first few pages are a blind – and the
last few. Quotations from the Fathers of the Church. The real text begins here – “ He
pointed with his finger.

Pead shrugged. “I cannot read Coptic.”

Jukes spent a day copying the manuscript while Pead watched over him. He was glad to
leave and, returned to his flat, he burned all his clothes before scrubbing himself clean in
the bath. That night he summoned his Temple. The ritual began at the time he had agreed
with Pead. He did not know what ritual Pead himself would do, but he had his suspicions
and he did not want to ask.

Jukes’ Temple was the room where he lived, lit by candles and perfumed by thick incense
and his members sat on the floor touching hands. It was not long before his Priestess was
in a trance, guided by the sigil that Pead had inscribed on parchment. She spoke of being in
a forest where two men walked, leaving one who was bound. Of how spirits had gathered to
help her. “Above his eyes – the one who sits waiting and bound – there glows a tattvic sign.
He is the one we seek… but there are horrors of which I cannot speak! Another will
opposed with mine. Stronger – it casts me away and back…”

All night they tried, until, pale and exhausted, the Priestess slept, severing the astral link
that had bound her to Pead and his spirits of death. And in the morning while a few rays of
sun brightened for a few minutes the top of the basement window, she told of battles on the
night that had drained their power away to leave the one who was chosen in the sanctuary
of the Dark Gods’ Temple.

Jukes knew that where magick had failed, physical force might succeed.

“We must stop them!” he had said, his eyes bright with the fervour of his strange faith.

Outside a solitary bird sung, unheard amid the early traffic that chuntered along that narrow
London street.

XII

Melanie did not sleep for long. But there was no desire within her to rise and breakfast
before using her telephones and telex to establish the well being of her world. She had done
so for years, and it was a new experience for her to lie watching a man sleep in her bed.
The few who in previous times had been granted her favours for reasons of Satanic or
financial power, she had told to leave after the conquest of them was complete.

She watched until he awoke, roused by her gentle caress of his face. She left him them, to
dress and walk in her bare feet across the lawn of her walled garden. The sun was warm as
she walked, intrigued by her own feelings. There was a beauty about the world that she had
never seen before. She felt this beauty in the blue of the sky, in the delicate colours of the
flowers that bordered her lawn, in the sound of the wind as it rushed through the trees
nearby. It was the warmth of the sun, the dampness of the grass, the silence that
surrounded her. She understood that there were many worlds within the one on which she
lived, brought to reality perhaps by a mood or a circumstance.

This world of beauty was real to her in a way that brought unusual feelings to her, but the
world that she had left yesterday was still there – still full of the feelings she felt: contempt
for the members of her coven while she played her role as Mistress of Earth, hatred and
love of strife. Each year, each day of her life was a world into which she projected
meanings, interpretations and from which she sought to wrest for herself money and power.

There were worlds beyond – alien worlds, which she hoped to join with hers, bringing chaos
and much that was strange. But, for now, she found happiness in walking around her
garden in the warming sun and thinking about Thurstan. She wanted to make him her High
Priest, share her power and wealth with him and enjoy the pleasure that she felt such a
sharing would bring, ending the years of her loneliness

She did not see, nor even sense such was her preoccupation, Algar creeping toward her
and when she did her attempt to stop him by her magick power failed. She had no power.
This startled her, and she could only watch in silence as Algar, grinning like the madman he
had become, raised the billhook to slash at her throat.

She raised her arm to deflect the blow when Thurstan, sprinting across the lawn, jumped on
Algar, knocking both of them over. Algar was screaming, trying to slash at Thurstan but
Thurstan grappled and held his arm round Algar’s neck. They rolled over the dewy grass
until Algar’s body went limp.

“I’ve killed him! I’ve killed him!” Thurstan said.

Melanie’s inspection of the body was brief. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s go inside.”

“But I’ve killed him.”

The beauty she had felt was destroyed. “He deserved it.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Thurstan tried to explain. “The Police – “

Melanie smiled. “There is no need to involve them.”

“But I killed him.”

Melanie turned to face him. He was now quite calm, but perplexed. “There are some things
you should know about me.”
“All I know is that I love you.”

With his words and the look on his face part of the beauty returned. She had been
defenceless against Algar, and now she felt defenceless against Thurstan. She did not like
either of the forms this defencelessness took, and walked with Thurstan into her house to
arrange the removal and disposal of Algar’s body.

Thurstan followed her from room to room, listening amazed while she made her telephone
calls. And when they were done and they sat eating the breakfast he cooked, Melanie
explained about her life. Thurstan listened, intently and gently smiling.

“So now you know the person you think you are in love with.”

“Why did you tell me?”

“Because – “ She turned away, appalled at herself. “In your cottage I found a crystal
sphere.”

“I love you.”

Her feelings for Thurstan seemed to her to have stolen the personal power she had over
people, and she was uncertain as to whether she cared about this. “You are not appalled by
what I have told you?” she asked.

“No. Nor about the chap lying in your garden. He was going to harm you. I love you, so I
stopped him. Simple really. The Police would ask too many questions.” He shrugged.
“Considering what you have said, that is very understandable!”

“It will bind you to me.”

“Why do you think I have agreed?” he said directly.

“You are not afraid?”

“Of what?”

“That I might use this to control you?”

“No.”

“Even after what you know about me?”

No – because I sense you love me even though you are afraid to say the words.”

She did not answer, but stared out of the window. “They should be here soon – to dispose
of the body.”

“And then?”

“We shall go to your cottage.”

The two men who had taken Lois’ body arrived and Melanie talked to them briefly before
they went to carry the dead High Priest to the van. Thurstan was in her secret Temple when
she returned, having seen them depart.

“What do you feel?” she asked.

“About this crystal? That it shall take us to the stars!”

Intrigued, she asked, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Just a feeling. I remember you were a dream of my youth. Maybe I am your
Destiny as you are mine.

Melanie perceived forces gathering around them, as if a rent had appeared again but
without her will in the metric of causal space, such that acausal energies were surrounding
them. Then, suddenly, the Temple darkened while she stood breathless beside Thurstan
watching her crystal become filled with stars. She touched him then, drawing his hand into
hers, to feel the power tense her body as it would be tensed before an orgasm relaxed it.
But she did not feel the old intoxication of power, nor the sensuous bliss that her many and
varied pleasures had brought her over the years of her reign. Instead, there was the quiet
ecstasy of gentle and suffusing love coupled with an expectation, a promise of vistas yet to
be explored but waiting. But it was soon over, this tantalizing glimpse, as light returned to
her Temple, leaving only a dim glow to suffuse her crystal.

Her house, drained by the demon battles of the night, was alive again, and she let her own
spirit wander from room to room. The early oppression she had felt was gone, as if
somewhere and somehow a storm had broken.

A vague memory came to her, like details of a landscape seen through thin mist, and she
led Thurstan out of her house and into her car. She did not speak, and he did not as she
drove the narrow, hilly lanes, in the warmth of the early morning, that lead to his cottage.
The crystal was in its niche, where she had left it, and she took it down. She tried to read it,
as she had done before when it gave up its images to her mind, but it was empty.

“You seem surprised,” Thurstan said.

“Where did you obtain this?” she asked.

“An old man gave it to me.”

She sensed he was not lying, for she could almost see the image that formed in his mind as
he spoke the words. “Why?”

“A gift, he said. He was insistent. How could I refuse?”

“When was this?”

“Oh, not long ago. A few months. I forget exactly when. He came here to beg a little food. I
suppose he wanted to give something in return.”

“You do not know what this is?” she asked.

“A crystal ball? He might have been, once, a teller of fortunes.”

For a long time, Melanie had controlled her life, guiding herself toward the goals she sought.
She was always the Mistress, the Satanic queen who ruled, never possessed of fear. No
one she had ever met had disturbed her belief in herself or shown in any way an inner
power greater than her own. Satanist, criminal, businessman or people of wealth – she had
mastered them all through her wiles, will and beauty. She found their weakness, and used it
to her own advantage. Thurstan had disturbed her because he was so transparent – there
was nothing in him that was hidden, neither to her or himself. His feelings, thoughts and
pleasures seemed spontaneous and enthusiastic like those of a child. Yet he possessed a
fatalism that no child possessed or could possess: an inner belief in the necessity of
change, which far from negating his own life, seemed to enhance it by making each moment
of life unique.

But it was not Thurstan who disturbed her now. The control she had in life was ebbing
away. The loss of her personal power, evident in her failure to control Algar as he attacked,
was only a part of this. Events were happening to her, rather than being controlled by her,
and she did not like this. What she had seen in Thurstan’s crystal had sent her in pursuit to
Leeds, drawing outward her burgeoning feelings of love. Something had and was
happening to her because of Thurstan, and she began to believe because of his crystal that
forces she did not understand or even know about were trying in some way to manipulate
her.

It was simpler for her to believe that her love for Thurstan was changing her life, and she
tried to believe this. But a suspicion remained.

“You are a strange man,” she said to Thurstan as she gave him the crystal.

“Not really. I live – or did live – a quite simple and somewhat boring life.”

“You know nothing about this crystal – or my own?”

“No. Only what I feel.”

“And what do you feel now?”

“That there are forces trying to keep us together – and other forces that are trying to break
us apart.”

“And you are not afraid of where we might be going?”

“All I know is that I love you and want to be with you!

He embraced her then, kissing her, and she did not push him away. She felt again, as they
stood in the room of his cottage, swaying slightly in their embrace, that with him and through
him she possessed a greater, if different, power that made her own past and even her
dreams, seem tawdry.

“There is a gathering tonight,” she said, “which I would like you to come to.”

“Oh? What?”

“Just a simple ritual called the Ceremony of Recalling.”

“To what purpose?”

She walked away from him to watch a few ragged cumulus clouds straggle from the horizon
toward the sun that rainbowed in places the old, worn glass of the window. “To draw down
to Earth a certain power.”

“Why?” he asked in innocence.

“To bring change.”

“Why?”

“To hasten our evolution.”

“Toward what?”
“A higher consciousness,” she said, a little exasperated.

“Such is the aim of the covens that you rule?”

“Not really. They are a means to provide me with things.”

“Enjoyment? Pleasure? Power?”

“Yes!”

Urwroth showed in her eyes but she quickly controlled her feelings.

“Come,” he said smiling and taking her hand, “I would like to show you something.”

His cottage lay in a fold of small hills between the steep slopes of bare Caer Caradoc and
the road, which rose from the Stretton valley to track eastwards through field and village
toward the wooded ridge of Wenlock Edge. All around, springs began small brooks among
the slopes where sheep mostly grazed and few trees grew, and Thurstan took a path to one
of these. Yards from where the water issued forth as a trickle, a small pool had formed on a
slight piece of level ground, and Thurstan knelt beside it while Melanie stood, bemused,
watching and listening to a kestrel as it flew between the bare hills that made a little valley
for the brook. The kestrel flew toward her, circling three times overhead before calling its
woeful call and flying away.

“Look!” Thurstan said, rising and showing her the palm of his hand.

On it, no larger than the nail of his thumb, sat a frog. “Isn’t it wonderful?” he said
enthusiastically.

Melanie looked at it but without much interest.

“I come here often,” Thurstan said as he placed the frog in the water. “Every time it is
different. In one day the light may change so much. In March the frogs come. Last year
there was thick snow, but they still came. There is always change – even in this little spot –
as the seasons change. Snow, ice, frost, mud, scorching sun that bleeds the green from the
grass and brittles the fern. At night – perhaps a moon or only the stars, which change too.
No day in its weather and light is ever the same as any other day.”

He stood up to stand beside her. “And I do nothing. Yet everything changes. Even I change,
a little with the passing of each year. There,” he pointed, “miles away is a road where fast
cars carry people. They seldom see the change around them, only that which lives in their
head. A few miles - and another world where those small specimens of life,” he gestured
toward the frog, “are never seen and become squashed without thought.

“You are beautiful – slightly wild, perhaps, like that kestrel which flew overhead – and your
world is strange to me. These hills, that cottage, the farm over there where I work, are my
world. There is so much in so little – so much beauty to share. I make love with you – kill
someone to protect you – and our two worlds join, for a little while. But they are still two
worlds. You want me to step into yours as I wish you to enter mine. The change you seek to
bring may destroy my world – and I not ready for that.”

Melanie had felt the warmth in Thurstan as he talked.

It was a strange warmth to her, a kind of supra-personal love which she did not understand
and which she could not relate to the pleasures of her own life or the goals that she had
sought. Yet she liked being beside him as he talked, watching his face and eyes. He could
have crushed the frog in his hand as she might have done in her youth or as she had
crushed people that opposed her – but he did not seek to mould it or destroy it according to
his will. He accepted it as it was at that moment in Earth’s history.

“I have seen in you,” Thurstan was saying, “the same beauty I see in this small piece of
land, as if you were natural to it in a way I cannot describe. More natural, more real and
living than most other people. Yet the world in which you live and have lived and in which
you possess power, is not where you should be. I fear it will destroy you, and I don’t want
that.”

“I know no other world.”

“But you have begun to discover mine. I touch you, hold you, make love to you.”

His world possessed a fascination for Melanie, as if he had divined what she had felt and as
she stood beside him she was no longer a Satanic queen, ruler of a coven of fifty, but a
woman in love.
“I would like you to share my world as well,” she said.

Thurstan smiled. “Then I shall come to your ritual.”

The kestrel returned to swoop down toward them before veering away, calling, as it flew
toward the sun.

XIII

The wood where Algar had been buried was not silent for long. The sun had set, leaving a
nebulous light, when the sibulation began, muffled by earth. Algar had awoken in his grave.

The Priestess screamed, and fell unconscious into the circle of worshippers in Jukes’
Temple. Jukes held her, and she awoke to wail before crying in terror at the vision she had
seen. She could not speak aloud but described the horror in a slow sobbing whisper.

It did not take them long to prepare and they left London, in three cars as the sky darkness
became complete, to travel toward the hills of Shropshire and the house the Priestess had
described before the horror had ended her trance. The eight were silent and subdued in
spirit during the hours of their journey, nervous when they left the warmth of the cars parked
on the verge of a narrow lane almost a mile from Melanie’s house. Around them and dark,
the countryside was silent and still.

Jukes led them, walking slowly and beginning to doubt. With every step he seemed to
become more tired. He stopped before the driveway of the house, listening, while the
Priestess, shaking and sweating, held his hand.

“It will be soon,” she whispered, touching the silver scarab she wore as an amulet around
her neck.

The driveway was full of cars, and a warm glow of light spread around the house. Jukes
thought he could hear the beat of drums. His Priestess sensed it first, and turned toward the
blackness beyond the hedge where they stood, huddled together in the increasing cold.
There was a rustling in the field beyond, the sound of wood being broken sharply by force.
Algar smashed the gate apart with his torn and bloodied hands and came toward them.
Only Jukes and his Priestess did not flee at the harrowing sight, but hid, pressing
themselves into the thorns and leaves of the hedge. They were not seen, and watched,
trembling and afraid, as Algar walked lumbering like the living dead he was toward the
house.

XIV

Thurstan waited in her secret Temple, feeling embarrassed by the luxurious crimson robe
he wore. He could not hear them, but knew that many of Melanie’s members had arrived
and were preparing for the ritual.

She prepared him well, returning him to her house in her car whose telephone she used to
summon her willing servants. He had bathed, been massaged, his body relaxed by the
gentle hands of a pretty woman who caressed perfumed oils into his skin; been served food,
manicured, his hair attended to. Dressed in silken clothes. No one had spoken to him, but
he was treated with deference, and by the end of the afternoon had begun to appreciate in a
way that was not real to him before, Melanie’s power. When she finally came to him,
hauntingly beautiful like an ancient queen, part of him had already begun to accept her
world and enjoy it. She was corrupting him with luxury and he knew it.

Melanie, in a green robe almost transparent and which emphasized the contours of her
body, came to guide him to where her Satanic worshippers were gathered. The large
Temple was lit only by candles and a naked woman lay on the altar beside which a young
girl dressed in white with a garland of flowers in her hair swung a thurible. Somewhere,
among the shadows, hooded red-robed figures beat their shaman drums.

“Hail to he who comes in the name of our gods!” the worshippers chanted as a greeting for
Thurstan.

Two men with the physique of wrestlers whose faces were covered by black masks and who
wore very little, closed the doors of the Temple as Thurstan followed Melanie to the altar.
Melanie kissed the temples, lips, breasts, womb and pubic hair or the altar Priestess before
kissing Thurstan who turned to receive a kiss from all of the congregation.

“Now shall we,” Melanie chanted, “with feet

Faster than storm’s horses

Seek to bring she who with fire

And cutting sword leaps plunging

Upon her foe while the fates of dread

Unerring gather round!”

“Agios O Baphomet!” came the shouted response.

“See!” Melanie pointed at Thurstan, before twirling round, building her feelings into a temple
to frenzy while the congregation sighed and the beat of the drums sounded loud,

“Here is he

Who shall this night

Be her consort and pour forth

As libation his seed of life!

Dance – I command you

And with the beating of your feet

Raise the dead!

I shall take him down into Earth

And let her with her teeth

Suck him dry!

Dance! – I command you!

And I, Mistress of this Earth

Shall raise him up and feed him

With the fragrance between my thighs!

So shall he unlamenting

Become the Gate that opens

To our gods!”

The congregation began to dance, slowly at first, chanting loudly as they did so. Melanie
stood in the centre of the circle they were tracing with their bare feet, raising her arms as the
power was invoked. The chant of Ba-pho-met pulsed to the beat of the drums as the
dancers danced faster and faster, throwing off their robes as quietly the altar-Priestess
arose to climb down from her altar.

Her eyes were closed, but she walked within the circle of the enclosing dancers toward
Thurstan. She embraced him, lightly, before pulling his robe open and revealing his
nakedness. The she kissed his lips and opened her eyes.

Her eyes did not seem human to Thurstan, but he was not afraid. The young woman with
the slender body had become Melanie – the power with Melanie and the greater power
beyond her. She was lover, mistress, wife, mother, daughter and sister – goddess and
demoness, and Thurstan let himself be pulled to the floor of the Temple. He had no will to
resist as he looked into her eyes. She was not gentle with him, but tore off his robe before
wrapping her legs around him and digging her nails into his back. There was pain, but it
seemed to enhance the delight that came to him. The drumbeats, the chanting, the naked
whirling dancers, the incense, the writhing woman beneath him – all ravished his senses.
The pain brought frenzied desire, and sweat soon bathed their naked bodies. Then she was
screaming in ecstasy as he was while around them the dancers stopped to turn inward,
clapping their hands as they watched and shouted the name of their goddess. And when it
was over and Thurstan lay breathless upon the relaxing body, the two men by the door
came to lift him and place his still naked upon the altar.

The worshippers formed an aisle to the altar down which Melanie came to kiss Thurstan
and rekindle his fire with her lips. It did not take her long to succeed and she leaned over
Thurstan’s face to brush his lips with hers before whispering as her eyes became the eyes
of the altar-Priestess: “Now you are mine forever!”

She signalled with her hand, and her dancers moved slowly in a circle around her and her
altar, calling down with a dirgeful but powerful chant the Dark Gods beyond the Gate that
was Earth.

“Nythra Kthunae Atazoth!” they chanted.

Melanie did not remove her robe, only lifted it as she lowered herself upon him. The beat of
the drums had slowed to match the slowness of the chant, and she moved upon him slowly.
Somewhere, in the Temple, two cantors began to chant, a fifth apart, above the chanting
drone of the slow circling dancers.

“Agios Rotanev”, sang the cantors, their powerful, clear voices making the complicated
plainchant flow like a high crested wave toward shore, rising, falling slowly with grace but
always moving on.

The slow moving organum of the cantors, the chant of the slow moving dancers who had
linked hands, the energy brought by sexual frenzy, the shamans drums and wild dance, all
conspired to push open the Gates to the Abyss. The slowness was a counter-part to the
earlier frenzy, and Melanie used it to gather the energies to herself. She showed no outward
sign of the ecstasy within and was smiling as she transferred the energy to her crystal while
Thurstan’s body spasmed and then relaxed. She kissed him before climbing down from the
altar.

She signalled the dancers to stop and gather round her in preparation for the climax of the
rite when she would release the stored energy to bring her Dark Gods to Earth. They would
still their minds, as she had shown them, to become parts of a mirror that would focus the
energy.

But the doors of the Temple burst open. No one screamed as Algar stood, hideous, in the
light of the candles, but they seemed to gather closer to Melanie. The two men by the door
moved upon him but he easily knocked them to the side and they fell away unconscious. He
was snarling, staring at Melanie as he walked toward her in silence. She did not move
except to hold up her hand to restrain Thurstan who had risen to stand beside her. Then
she smiled.

Algar stopped, his body twisting forward as if he wanted to move but could not. Melanie
raised her hand toward him and he fell upon his knees, oozing blood as his already torn
flesh, festering, split further. She raised her hand again, and he screamed as if tortured,
before crawling face down on the floor. She dropped her hand, and his screaming stopped.
He looked up at her then, not as a madman and not as one of the possessed that had
returned, briefly, to life. Instead, his look was that of a mute child who could not bear the
pain that it felt. But Melanie raised her hand again and the spectre that had once been Algar
lowered its head and died.
 XV

“Join us!” Melanie said as she stepped past the body.

Jukes and his Priestess stood in her hall, awed by what they had seen. They had followed
Algar, and were still trembling.

“Come to me!” said Melanie softly.

Jukes stared at the floor while the Priestess looked upon Melanie’s face. She was smiling,
her dread gone, as she walked forward to kneel at Melanie’s feet.

“No!” shouted Jukes. He tried to move toward her, but could not.

Gently Melanie raised the Priestess to her feet and kissed her on the lips. The Priestess
understood her thought and went to touch the masked Guardians who lay unconscious in
the Temple. They awoke and followed her to stand on either side of Melanie.

“Will you be mine,” Melanie said to Jukes, “as she is?”

“Never!”

“Then I shall make you mine!”

She was about to raise her hand to force his head up so she could see into his eyes when
she saw an old man dressed like a peddler walk through the open door of her house.

“He is mine, I believe,” he said as he tapped Jukes on the shoulder to free him from the
bonds Melanie had placed around him. “He is no use to you. But if you object –“

There was great magickal power in the old man, hidden even in his eyes, but Melanie
perceived it.
“Who are you?” she asked.

He bowed deeply, like a jester. “I am Saer.”

“Saer?”

He looked around the hall and peered briefly into the Temple. “You have made great
changes, I see.” Then smiling, be bowed again before escorting Jukes away.

She let him go. “Feast! Rejoice!” she said, turning to greet her coven and they felt
happiness spread among them as the drums began to beat again.

She detailed her Guardians to carry the body and let them into her secret Temple where
they threw it into the pit beneath the plinth that held her crystal. There was laughter and lust
among the worshippers when she returned, servants carrying trays of food and chalices of
wine. She thanked her Guardians, bid them join the feast, and watched Thurstan as he
stood, covered by the robe he had discarded, beside the Priestess from Jukes’ Temple. She
did not mind the hidden desire between them and went to walk alone in the hazy darkness
of the garden.

Forces opposed to her own were present, returned from the night before and sent forth
against her by the shedding of blood, but they did not affect her or the guests in her house,
kept away by the power in her crystal, and she walked slowly in her bare feet over the
cooling grass, idly looking up toward the stars.

It was not long before Thurstan joined her. He was followed by Jukes’ Priestess.

You knew, didn’t you?” Thurstan said, a little shyly. He too had been awed.

“That it was Saer who gave you the crystal? Yes, I knew it as soon as I saw him.”

“Then you know who he is?”

“Perhaps!” she laughed. “What is your name? She asked the Priestess.
“Claudia.”

“Yes – it suits you. I shall not change it. Do you wish to stay with me, Claudia?”

“Oh, yes!”

“You are free to go.”

“I don’t want to go.” She looked down at the ground. “Not now I have found you.”

“I shall never harm you – unless you turn against me.” She took Claudia’s hand and held it
to her own breast. “You are mine now and I shall always protect you. As a sign of my trust I
shall give you a gift.” She placed Claudia’s hand in Thurstan’s, kissed them both and left
them standing together in the mild night air.

They were still standing in her garden holding hands when she looked upon them from a
high window in the house. She knew Thurstan did not know what to do and Claudia was too
shy to initiate anything. Melanie wanted, through the ritual and her gift of him to Claudia, to
draw out Thurstan’s darker self, and as she watched while a bright large moon began to rise
quickly above the distant hills and an owl screeched nearby, she felt she had found the
means to achieve her goals.

The ritual had returned both her power and her role. She was stronger that she ever had
been and, with Thurstan as her willing High Priest, she would make herself stronger still by
uniting his world with hers. Together, they might wander among the stars. The prospect
excited her, as her desire to watch Thurstan and Claudia have sexual intercourse excited
her, and she remembered words from the Black Book of the witch queen before her: ‘The
secret of the Moira who lies beyond our Grade of Mistress of Earth, is a simple unity of two
common things. This unity is greater than but built upon the double pelican being inward yet
like the stage of Sol, outward though in a lesser degree. Here is the living water, azoth,
which falls upon Earth nurturing it, and from which the seed flowers brighter than the sun.
The flower, properly prepared, splits the Heavens – it is the great elixir which comes from
this which when taken into the body dissolves both Sol and Luna. Whoever takes of this
elixir will live immortal among the stars.’

Melanie believed that she had found the secret, brought forth from within her by her feelings
for Thurstan and the power of ritual. She was preparing Thurstan – for first she had to return
the Dark Gods to Earth.
Excited, she saw Thurstan briefly kiss Claudia before leading her toward the house, and she
retreated to her room to follow them on her monitor. They seemed uncertain what to do as
they stood in the hall, but the naked worshippers who rushed past them to run up the stairs
gave them their clue. Suitable rooms lay open and waiting on the first floor of the house, as
they always did. No one ever dared violate the floor above, reserved for Melanie and her
special guests, and Thurstan did not as he slowly led Claudia to an empty room.

Nothing in the house was hidden from the surveillance system but Melanie did not often use
it as she used it now to watch and listen to Thurstan and Claudia, for there were a multitude
of pleasures that gave her satisfaction. In her desire to make Thurstan part of her world she
pressed a switch to record images and sounds in the room on the floor below.

Melanie became aroused by watching them. Thurstan undressed Claudia slowly and as her
naked body appeared, Melanie realized she desired it also. Claudia responded to
Thurstan’s kisses by pulling him down with her onto the softness of the low bed in the
luxurious room and it was not long before Thurstan’s tentative slowness of delight gave way
to sexual frenzy. But this was not prolonged and there was no scream, nor even sigh of
ecstasy from Claudia – only Thurstan’s groan as he slumped fulfilled upon her voluptuous
body.

This pleased Melanie and she lay listening to them talk.

“Who is she?” Claudia asked.

“You don’t know?” an exhausted Thurstan said.

“I saw her in a vision – in this house. We came to stop her.”

“But you didn’t.”

“I couldn’t. When I came near to her I felt – “

Thurstan smiled. “An overpowering love?”

“Maybe,” she said and blushed. “And you?”

“She is the most remarkable woman I have ever met.”

“You serve her then? I mean as High Priest?”

Thurstan laughed. “I know little of her world. I only met her a few days ago.”

Claudia was surprised. “But are you an Initiate?”

“Of what?”

“Her Temple.”

“Not as far as I know. She told me she was involved in something – “

“Satanism?”

“Yes. But I assumed it was some kind of game. You know what I mean? Then,” he sighed,
“this ritual. There is real power in her, real magick. She casts a spell with just a look.”

“You love her then?”

“Yes. Because, I suppose, like you I am sensitive to things and people. When I saw you I
felt a warmth in me, a happiness. I don’t normally do this sort of thing.”

“What?”

“Leap into bed with women I have only just met.”

“Neither do I! I think she overwhelmed us both.”

“Do you mind?” asked Thurstan softly.

“No,” she whispered. “I feel I have found what I have always been seeking – here in this
house. It is exciting and yet I feel protected. Before I came I assumed it was evil in some
way – that she was evil and must be stopped. But now –“

“Stopped from what?”

“Changing the cosmic tides that wash upon the Earth and give to people a certain energy.”

“I understand nothing of such things.”

“I saw that man – in his grave.”

“The one who died?”

“Yes. He was her High Priest wasn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“I assumed you had taken his place,” she gestured to his robe, discarded on the floor.

“I know little of her beliefs.”

“It is a new beginning, then, for us both.”

“Perhaps we can learn things – together?”

“I sense that is what she wishes.”

“And the man you came with?”

“High Priest of my Temple in London.” She laughed. “I suppose he will be thinking I have
been abducted against my will and forced to indulge in hideous Satanic rites! Or be offered
as a sacrifice to Satan.”

“You are not afraid that you will be?”

“No – as I’m sure you feel. I know nothing about her except what I feel, and I feel she will
not harm me. Quite the reverse, in fact.”

Thurstan leaned on his elbow to look at her. “It may seem like a trite thing to say, but you
are not like a stranger to me.”

She touched his face with her hand. “I know what you mean. She is not a stranger to me
either.”

“What shall we do?”

“Apart from the obvious, you mean?” They both laughed. “Wait, I suppose for her to tell us.”

“It could be an enjoyable wait.”

“I hope so.”

Melanie had seen and heard enough. It did not take her long to reach their room and she
stood in the doorway while they sat up from the bed, nervously smiling.

She gave Thurstan his robe. “Leave us,” she said to him.

He left, obedient to her word, and she closed and locked the door before sitting beside
Claudia on the bed.

“You are beautiful,” she said, caressing Claudia’s neck.

Her soft kiss was returned, shyly, and she took off her robe before drawing Claudia toward
her in an embrace.

“I have never done this before,” Claudia whispered.

Melanie kissed her neck and breasts. “Do you want to?” she asked gently.

“Oh, yes.”

The tender caresses, the perfumed softness of Melanie’s body, the slow intimate kisses and
movements, her own feelings of warmth, the sensuous pleasure that Melanie brought to her
gently through touch and tongue, all combined to stimulate Claudia to an ecstasy both
physical and emotional and of a kind she had never experienced before.

She lay beside Melanie, embracing her and softly crying, drawing comfort from the strange
woman who kissed away the tears, feeling in that moment that all the confusion, doubts and
sorrow that her sensitivity had brought her over the years, was no more. Her past, with its
broken relationships its traumas and dreams, was forgotten. Her future was unreal – only
the present was meaningful to her. She sensed forces outside the house that wish to harm
the woman who kissed her and whose body heat reassured, but she was protected for the
moment from those forces as Claudia felt protected. The harmful forces, which were waiting
for weakness, drew more emotion from Claudia until she felt a genuine love.

Jukes had stolen her love when they first met and through him she had learned to use her
powerful psychic gifts. But his passion for her had just been a passion, fleeting like the
brightness of a meteor in the sky of night, and she had learned to live again and alone with
her dreams while he filled and emptied his bed with the women in the Temple in the name
of the magick he invoked. Her gifts brought empathy and vision, but never the love she
needed.

Melanie to her, in that moment, became all her dreams and it did not matter to her then that
she gave her love to another woman. It felt natural to her – as it had seemed natural when
she and Thurstan had made love, and she understood, as she lay warm and relaxed, that
she had given her body to him because it was what Melanie had wanted.

To Melanie, she had given her body also, but now she gave up her soul as well.
“I think I love you,” she said, and Melanie, in the humid room, felt a confusion of love that
she did not need nor desire grow within her heart.

XVI

Thrust forth from the room, Thurstan wandered around the house. The Temple was full of
naked bodies and the incense of sex, and when he tried the door that he knew led to the
crystal, it would not open.

Other doors were locked to him as to other worshippers, and the one that did open led him
to a library. He heard the door closing behind him, but it did not open when he tried the
handle and he contented himself with trying to see out of the window. He could see nothing,
for the outside shutters had been closed. The room was large, with a high ceiling and books
rose in shelves on all the walls, darkly lit. A chair stood waiting beside a table whereon a
single book lay open. ‘The Book of Wyrd’, the gilt spine read.

She planned this, he thought to himself and sat down to read.

“Satanism is the philosophy of the noble and strong. It is the antithesis of the religion
of Yeshua, that worship of decaying fish. To the cowards and the followers of the
Nazarene belong the meekness of the weak, the rapid utterances about pity and the
vileness of the bully. Above all, Satanism is the enjoyment of this life.

The most fundamental principle of Satanism is that we as individuals are gods. The
goal of Satanism is simple – to make an individual an Immortal, to produce a new
species. To Satanists, magick is a means, a path, to this goal. We walk toward the
Abyss and dare to pass through to the cold spaces beyond where CHAOS reigns.
There is ecstasy in us – and much that is strange. Vitality, health, laughter and
defiance – we challenge everything, and the greatest challenge is ourselves.”

There was music filling the room as he read. He knew it was real even if he could not see its
source, but it was faint – an unearthly sound that he found beautiful and brought a vision of
stars and a remembrance of his strange dream after he had first made love to Melanie. His
body tensed as he listened, carried to another plane of existence, and he experienced in
that moment, a possession of feeling surpassing the ecstasy of physical passion. Then,
there was no room, only a rushing of stars, the exhilaration of phenomenal speed and then
a silent slowing that brought him to the planet of his dreams. The music was a slow chant of
words he did not understand combined with sounds from instruments he had never heard
before, and it expressed the desolation of the dead planet as well as his longing for Melanie
– and Claudia.

Then the vision and the music ended and he was simply sitting alone in a library staring
down at a book. He tried, but could not recapture what he had seen and heard and he felt a
longing that strained his breathing and brought tears to his eyes. Melanie was the woman
he had always sought to bring meaning into his life, the reality behind his insight of days
before when he had stood by the stream near his cottage and made his divinity a goddess.
Her power, charisma and promise made his own life and expectations seem dull, as his
vision made the world around him seem unreal and ponderous.

He experienced a sudden need to express his feeling through the frenzy of his body and
was not surprised to find the door unlocked. He began to understand the house itself was
alive, an extension of Melanie’s will, and he let it guide him. Lights brightened to show him
the way, or dimmed when he went wrong. He was led to a room where all that he needed,
and more, lay waiting. He dressed quickly, his heart beating fast and ran along the corridor
and down the stairs to leave the house.

He was not alone. Something was with him as he ran along the driveway in the cooling air
under the stars with the light of the moon to guide him. He sensed the presence as he
sensed that it was protective of him, and he ran fastly down the narrow lane allowing the
freedom of physical exertion to suffuse his body. His running brought some of the vision
back to him and he left the road to follow a track that led alongside the slopes of the Long
Mynd. He was soon tired and breathing heavily but he ran on to become a little detached
from his body, defying it. He ran for miles before turning and running only a little slower back
to the house, suffused with a desire to learn, to be master and equal of Melanie. Her world
had become real for him, and he did not want to leave it.

The house seemed to welcome him on his return. There were no cars in the driveway, for all
the worshippers had gone, and he followed the lights to a bathroom where he soaked
himself for a longtime in a deep bath, pleased and expectant. His love for Melanie, his hope
of their affinity, the passion they had already shared, the ritual, her sharing of him with
Claudia, even the killing he thought he had done for her - all had liberated him, releasing the
inner energies that his normal life had kept under control. He felt there was no challenge
that he could not overcome, nothing that he would not do. Life was before him – a large
canvas on which he would paint a masterpiece. He wanted to make his own life a work of
Art.

Satan was the name he have to the energy that made both his body and his mind vivid with
life, he dried himself vigorously, covered himself with the silk robe that hung from a hook on
the door and let the lights guide him to Melanie’s room.
The door opened for him and we walked over the soft carpet in the azure light to find
Melanie was not alone and the door closing behind him. Claudia was beside her in the bed,
asleep. He was not shocked by this, only momentarily confused. They were both naked.

“Come”, his Mistress said, “sit beside me.” And he obeyed.

She kissed him, before stroking Claudia’s hair. “She is lovely, isn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“Can you share me?”

The directness of the question startled him. “I think so.”

“Come then and take off your robe.”

He obeyed, and lay beside her. She was pleased with his arousal, and the reasons behind
it, but she teased him saying, “Trying for four in a row, then?”

“I’m sorry – I didn’t – “

“Don’t be sorry, my darling.”

The endearment made him happy, lessening the awe he felt and which came upon him as
soon as he had entered her room.

“You are pleased with things?”

Their bodies were touching as they lay together and he felt his awe ebbing away. “I want to
learn. Share your world with you.”

“It is good that you inner strength returns. I want us to share.”

“But I feel a little lost sometimes.”

“Because of what I own?”

“Partly. But also –“

“Do not say anymore.” She pressed her finger to his lips “I shall tell you something. You
have made me realize how lonely I was. How much I need love.” She laughed, self-
mockingly. “I, with all that I have, all the power you have seen, need you. I am human after
all, even though I don’t want to be.”

Thurstan kissed her, and Melanie felt like crying. But she mastered her feelings. Thurstan
had changed, as she had hoped and planned he would, but she herself was changing.
Never before had she displayed her feeling and she felt vulnerable. She knew Thurstan
sensed this, as Claudia had when they walked hand in her hand to her room. She was not
afraid of them, only herself, and when Thurstan spoke she was composed.

“And Claudia?” he asked gently.

“I need you both, it seems.”

“You have enough love to give.”

“You must be tired – after all of your exertions!”

“I am.”

She kissed his eyelids and he smiled, languid, before relaxing into sleep. She watched him
for some time. Her feelings of love, born by Thurstan and suckled by Claudia, now
enhanced her power and did not destroy it, and she drew down energies while her lovers
slept beside her, storing them in her crystal below. Words from the Black Book kept
returning to her. She had never understood them before, knowing only that they described
the process of change necessary before a Magus or a Mousa was born in the coldness that
lay beyond the Abyss where Satan reigned. She did not know what awaited for her and in
her if this change was successful, for all her books were silent about it and there was no
one whom she could ask. She had believed with a certainty that her own power had
confirmed, that no one living in her time had passed that way toward the final stage of the
seven that marked the Satanic path.

This belief, however, troubled her now more than the changes within her wrought by love –
more than the duality that love has assumed in the past hours of her life. More even than
the persistent hostile forced which still surrounded her house and came with the night like
hail. She was troubled by Saer, and tried to cast an image of him into her crystal, but some
barrier beyond her own power to breach prevented her, and she lay awake between her two
lovers pondering instead the patterns which the Dark Gods might assume when, tomorrow
as she had planned, they would be returned finally to spread their chaos upon Earth.

Only Saer, she felt, might prevent her - and if he tried, she would have the power of two
lovers to help her.

XVII

The old man who had rescued him from the Satanists left Jukes as he had arrived – without
greeting or explanation – and Jukes walked toward the cars and the shivering members of
his Temple who had fled from Algar.

He did not speak to them and they asked no questions of him, and they sat huddled
together while the moon rose and their sense of reality returned. Then, in whispered words
Jukes told his tale and how he wished them to join him in the battle that was to come when,
with Pead, they would conjure from the Abyss a destructive force to send against the witch
queen and her house.

They gave their assent, and in all the cars drove along the moonlit roads over and down
hills and through turning valleys to Pead’s unlit cottage. The dog snarled, straining on its
chain, while a voice from the darkness said, “Why do you come?”

Jukes shown a torch on Pead’s face, then turned it away. “We failed,” he said and explained.

“This man,” asked Pead, “did he say his name?”

“Saer.”
“Saer? I thought he was dead!”

“You know him?”

“No, but there are stories. Come in, my friends!”

Inside, Pead lit a single candle.

“We must act!” Jukes said while his followers adjusted themselves to the stench and the
flickering shadows.

“This night I have sent a fetch against them.”

“Perhaps Saer – “

“If indeed he lives, I do not know where to find him.”

“She had no power over him. If – “

“He would act if he wished. If he does not, them maybe it is for us to do nothing also.”

“But we must do something!” shouted Jukes. Several members of his Temple, standing
behind him, were already scratching themselves.

“I see you do not understand.”

“I understand,” persisted Jukes, “enough to know this planet is threatened. By her and the
forces she wants to bring.”

“If Saer – “

“Saer this! Saer that! Who is this bloody Saer anyway?” said Jukes in anger, his body
trembling in reaction to the events of the night.

“He is an old man, older than me – much older than me – who in his youth sought the
secret of the alchemical Stone. Some say he found it. Myself – I do not know. It is said of
him that he understands and can control should he wish, the cosmic tides themselves. He
had a pupil once, a young woman. But she abused his trust and they parted – he to live
alone and she to follow the sinister path. But that was a long time ago. No one has heard of
him or seen him for – what? - maybe thirty years.”

“Then he is a Magus?” asked Jukes.

“Indeed. The only one this century – although there have been many who claimed the title
but lacked the understanding and the power.”

Even in the dim light, Jukes could see Pead’s sly smile. He ignored the slight at the man
whose teachings he followed. “But surely then he must do something.”

Pead shrugged his hunched shoulders. “Maybe he is.”

“I feel nothing.”

“As I.”

“But surely,” persisted Jukes, “his very appearance – his saving of me – means something.”

“Perhaps.”

For years, Jukes had absorbed diverse Occult theories, and he quickly made an
assumption. “Perhaps it was a sign for us to act? Perhaps he has chosen us to act?”

“I do not know.”

“I saw and felt the power he had. He must have wanted me to do something. We could
summon Shugara.”

“Do you know what you ask?”

“Yes! There is enough of us to invoke such power.”

“It is dangerous.” Pead rested against one of his desks as if seeking comfort from the books
upon it.

“We cannot allow her to succeed. Shugara would destroy her – and all of her followers.”

“And maybe us, also.” He moved to where a pile of small, bound manuscripts lay on the
floor. Extracting one, he began to read aloud. “Shugara is one of the most dangerous to
invoke. Manifestations may be accompanied by the smell of rotting corpses. Symbolized by
the Tarot card The Moon – Shugara is the great Beast that comes from the dark pool under
the Moon. His call is to be chanted in the key of G major…”

“It is the only way!” said Jukes with messianic zeal.

“In all my workings I have never dared – “

“We must dare it now! Listen to me! Do you believe in evil?”

“Evil?”

“Yes, evil. Do you believe that there is a dark power at work on this Earth?”

“I know that there are dark forces that we as magickians can use.”

“Yes, yes. But what about innocence?” He reached behind him and drew forward a young
female member of his Temple. “See her?” And the young woman blushed. “I would call her
innocent – someone who trusts and believes in the good. Now,” he continued, intoxicated
by his eloquence, “If I for whatever reason threw her to the ground and raped he, I would
destroy that trust, that innocence, wouldn’t I?”

“Maybe.”
“I would be imposing my will on hers, to fulfill my own desire. Well, I should really respect
her – her own desires, for ‘every man and woman is a star’ and ‘love is the law, love under
will’. My act would be an evil one.” Something obscure occurred in his mind, but he could
not define it and passed on. “Our magick – the Osirian current and that of the child who
comes after – is to bring love into this world, to bring a New Aeon. Yet she – “ he spat out
the word – “wants to break our magickal current and impose her own. We would become
possessed by the power she brought – invaded in our minds. There would be evil – the
ending of love!”

With his strong words, Jukes seemed to have invoked a presence in the damp, shadowed
room. They all sensed it – and Pead most of all.

“Yes, you’re right,” Pead said, glancing behind him. “We shall do as you say.”

“Then let us prepare,” said Jukes confidently.

Pead took the candle and let them to the room where he slept. They could not see the
bloodstains that covered the floor and he set the candle by the window to fetch his
ceremonial equipment. The magickal circle, inscribed with sigils and words of power, almost
filled the room when joined together, and Jukes and his followers stood within it while Pead
brought candles, incense, a sword, parchment and pen. The burner was lit, incense burned,
the circle purified by the sprinkling of salt and sealed by the passing along it of the tip of the
sword.

Jukes and Pead stood in the centre while the others linked hands and began to walk, slowly
at first, sun-wise around the circle. Pead drew a sigil on parchment, showed it to the four
corners of the room and began his chant.

“You I invoke, Shugara, who lurks waiting in the pits of the Abyss! You are Fury and the
bringer of Death! Hear me! And hearing hearken to my call! For I am the Lord of Powers in
this circle – hear me! And hearing harken to my call!”

‘Shu-ga-ra!” chanted the circling dancers as the incense filled the room and the candles
flickered. “Shu-ga-ra!”

“Shugara!” commanded Pead. “With this my seal and sword I conjure you! Attend to the
words of my voice! Exarp! Bitom! Nanta! Hcoma! I rule over you all: Gil ol nonci zamran!
Micma! Come Shugara! To me! To me!”
Jukes felt the frenzy and began to chant the demon’s name in the key of G major while
Pead continued with his invocation and the dancers, circling fast, chanted their own chant.

First the smell choked them, and then the laughter stopped their chants. The dried blood on
the floor seemed to boil, and then seeped away into the room to form an ill-defined shape
that hung near the ceiling. Pead began to speak, but the shape swooped down to engulf his
face and vanished.

“You fools!” he hissed before turning and walking from the room.

Outside, the dog growled, yelped and then was silent. When Jukes found it, it was dead.
Jukes waited a long time, but could hear nothing. He left the implements of magick, the
candles and the incense burning, but performed a banishing for himself and his followers
before leading them to their cars. He felt sick and oppressed and, in silence, drove slowly
through the night knowing Pead was possessed and would probably die. There was nothing
they could do except hope that in some way he would fulfill the purpose of the ritual.

There was little traffic as they drove down the roads toward London, sensing that they might
have failed. In his depressive state, Jukes did not care about leaving Claudia and as the
time of the journey turned into hours and clouds came to cover the moon, he had come to
believe his own beliefs were an illusion. Nothing was threatened, there were no powers
trying to break through the dimensions, no magick – only hallucinations and dread. He
found comfort in these thoughts, a sense of reality returning, and all he wanted to do was
return to his flat, throw away his books and begin a normal life. He could forget the terrors of
the night. He was like a person suddenly and unexpectedly locked in a prison cell – first,
there was the loss of his will, a disbelief, the slow depression of shock, and then the gradual
adjustment to the reality of the surroundings. But there would be no anger, no sudden
resentment at this fate as there might have been for one unjustly imprisoned. The terror had
burned that from his soul as a flash of lightning burns out the bark of trees.

For the first time in his life, Jukes felt the need of a personal love. His need was not for the
love that was an idea that he carried in his head, nor for that which was only a word in
someone else’s faith used to bring a little self-importance to his life, as when he used a
woman in a magick ritual or real life. Instead, his need was for the comfort and gentle joy
that personal love could sometimes bring, and as he drove carefully and slowly toward the
lights of London, he held out his hand for the young woman beside him. She did not refuse,
for she loved his charisma as High Priest and in her gentle, trusting way held his fingers
tight.
The simple gesture destroyed all the demons of Jukes’ past.

XVIII

It was dawn when Thurstan awoke to find Claudia still asleep beside him. It was her hand,
which rested on his shoulder, her warm breath against his faced, and for some time he
thought the memory of Melanie being between them was the memory of a dream.

A thin duvet covered them, but their closeness, Claudia’s bare shoulder and his memory of
her body, aroused Thurstan’s passion and he was about to let his hand stroke her breast
when she awoke. For a moment there was fear in her eyes, which he saw, destroying his
passion. She smiled at him and in her smile was an awkward vulnerable trust, which
brought to Thurstan a remembrance of all the women he had loved and the reason why he
loved them.

He kissed her, as a brother might, before leaving the room to find his clothes. Dressed, he
wandered around the house but could not find Melanie. The air of late summer was mild
and hazy and he sat on the grass in the walled garden, listening. A contemplative calm
came to him and he might have been a Taoist monk meditating in the still air of dawn. He
was at peace, within himself, and felt in a way stronger than he had ever done before that
the world, and he himself, unfolded in its own natural way. It was also beautiful, in a strange,
calm way and he sat, very still but without effort, while the gentle euphoria suffused him.

The mood drifted from him, slowly. His fervour of the night was unreal – a memory of
another person. The calm he felt now was real and he realized with a sudden insight that it
was this feeling that he wished above all else to share with Melanie. It was the beauty, the
calm he found when he looked into a woman’s eyes – the gentleness he experienced
sometimes when he lay naked beside the woman he loved and she showed by a caress or
a kiss or a smile that she cared for him. It was the longing he felt to be with a sensitive
woman – the soft desire to make slow, gentle love to her. All the sharing moments, all the
experiences of two people in love would be a remembrance of such moments, a giving and
returning, a mutual embrace and breaking of barriers, that he knew no words might describe.

The energy of the night, even the magick, was alien to him. He wanted his vulnerable love
to lead himself and the woman he loved to another existence, and he began to feel that
such a love might in a way he did not understand, affect the world, as once he had believed
that prayer to a god might. He knew this was as ideal – but it was an attainable one, if the
love was mutual and without reservation. He began to think of how a monk or a nun,
pledged to contemplation, might seek to love God – he wanted and needed to love a
woman in such a way: a woman of flesh and blood who responded to his kisses, who
laughed, cried, danced, became angry or sad, but who, whatever the emotions and
whatever the experience loved him faithfully as he would love her. There would be a sacred
quality about such a love.

He did not need the energy of power or magick or money, for he sensed the beauty of life
lay hidden in its simplicity, in a kind of detachment, and as he sat in the still warming air of
early morning only the sound of bird-song around him, his body and mind languid, he felt it
easy to believe in a god who might have made it all - or some force, perhaps named Fate,
which governed the workings of the cosmos. He was aware, as he sat, of the suffering and
misery in the world, as he was aware that he himself was not God – not even a god. He did
not understand the suffering, or the misery, but felt that all he could do was try and change
himself, re-orientate in some way his own consciousness so as not to add to those burdens.

All the threads of his life were gathered together in the moments of his sitting: the
memories, sometimes painful and intense, of the women he had loved; the lessons of his
own past, his feelings and thoughts of and about others. He drew them to himself by a quiet
process of thought to make his feelings and memories conscious and part of a whole, and
by the time he had completed the task, his view of the world had profoundly changed. He
felt he had at last discovered the reality of his own self, buried for so long in a confusion of
feelings, moods and desires.

Perhaps his intuitive awareness of Claudia’s vulnerability or the strange things of magick he
had seen caused this. He did not know or particularly care. There was a happiness within
him, which was gentle and made him smile. He felt in love with the world and possessed
and awareness of meaning. He sensed there was something beyond his own life, which a
particular way of living would create – which a sharing of love with another person would
make possible. Perhaps this was another life in another plane of existence. It was a
nebulous sensation, this belief, which he could not formulate directly into ideas expressed
by the words of his thoughts, but nonetheless real to him and he added it to his view of the
world before rising from the grass and walking, in the sunlight, toward the house.

A man was by the door, leaning on an Ash walking stick. It was Saer and he was smiling.
Thurstan blinked in surprise – and Saer was gone. Thurstan felt he had seen a ghost, and
did not bother to look for the old man.

Melanie sat by the crystal in her Temple and he stood beside her.

“Will you marry me?” he asked.

“What?”

“Will you marry me? Leave all of this and come and live with me in my cottage?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“There are many things that I must do.”

“Forget them. Forget all this.”

She smiled at him. “And Claudia?”

He sighed. “And Claudia. I cannot share you.”

“All that I have is from this day yours – and hers.”

“I want nothing except you.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing. No money, power – whatever. I earn enough to support us both, if we live simply.”

“You need never work again.”

“But I need to.”

She laughed, and touched his face. “It is a lovely, romantic ideal! But not possible.”

“Why not?”
She gestured toward her crystal. “This is my life.”

“I can be your life.”

“But for how long?”

Thurstan flinched, and in that moment part of his hope was extinguished. “We can try.”

“Why this sudden change?”

“All this really isn’t me. You have power, money, charisma – and magick to bind people to
you, to control. I love what is beyond all that in you. My real world is outside, sitting in the
sun listening to the songs of the birds or watching clouds or waiting for the frogs to return in
Spring. I do not belong here – in a Temple, doing strange rituals.”

“You are tempting me,” she said smiling.

“As you tempted me?”

“Perhaps.”

They stood in silence for a long time until Thurstan said, “You could use your power to bind
me, but – “

“I no longer have any power over you,” Melanie said softly. “I knew that when you entered
here.”

“You still love me then?”

“It is not my love that makes me powerless to bind you. There is something else.”

“What?”
“Would you like to take Claudia some breakfast? There are many things to do this morning.”

“Marry me.” When she did not answer, Thurstan said, “well at least come away with me.”

“And if I want you to stay here with me? Share my world?”

“I don’t think it would work,” Thurstan said, sadly.

“You could try.”

“It would be a game. What would be the point?”

“To enjoy the game, perhaps.”

“I want to go straight to what is beyond all that.”

“Our bridge is in danger.”

Thurstan looked at her and began to cry. He made no sound and Melanie wiped the tears
away with her hand.

“Go now,” she said. “Before I do something I will regret.”

The sunlight seemed painful to him as he walked along her driveway toward the lane. He
had not looked back and she did not run after him, and he walked slowly shuffling like and
old man along the lane and down toward the road. He stopped for several minutes to stand
and lean on the bridge toward the bottom of the lane, watching and listening to the fastly
flowing stream of water. A cyclist, brightly clad and whose bicycle was laden with panniers,
passed and wished him good-day.

“Lovely day!” Thurstan said.

“Yes, splendid!” replied the traveller before changing down into a lower gear and riding up
the hill.

The scenery, the weather, the brief human contact charmed Thurstan, bringing the world
around him alive. Melanie the Satanic witch queen was not of this world where he himself
belonged, and as Thurstan walked away to take the Neolithic track that rose up the slopes
of the Mynd a mile distant, his sadness was relieved by a presentiment of joy.

XIX

The house seemed, to Melanie, to sigh as Thurstan left. Her own grief was longer, and it
was nearly an hour later that she went to her bedroom to find Claudia asleep.

For several minutes she stood, watching the sleeping woman. There was a gentleness and
trust in Claudia that brought to Melanie an intimation of a type of love she did not know nor
even perhaps understand, and she allowed her grief at losing Thurstan to sharpen this
intimation. But she could not hold in her consciousness this insight and left, imbued again
with her role and Destiny, to make arrangements for the evening ritual.

There would be no sacrifice, only a calling down of dark power through her crystal – a
breaking of the gates by the directed frenzy of the members of her Temple and the guests
she had invited from around the world. The hours of the day passed quickly for her, Claudia
was happy, receiving guests, preparing the Temple and food for the feast, which would
follow the recalling, directing the servants that morning had drawn to the house on Melanie’s
command.

Fifty-four people were gathered in the Temple as darkness came slow to cover the land
around. Melanie left them as her cantors began their discordant chant and her dancers
began to dance, slowly, drawing forth from themselves a rising pyramid of power. Claudia
waited for her in the secret Temple, her hands on the crystal and soon the diffusing light
from the floor began to change in colour until a purple aura surrounded them.

There was a yearning in Melanie as she stood beside her Priestess and lover. But it was not
a yearning for love - only a cold desire to alter the living patterns in the world and so fulfill
her Destiny by returning the Dark Gods to Earth. She was suspended between her past with
all its charisma and power and the future that might have been possible if she had
surrendered to Thurstan’s love. She was aware of herself only through the images of the
past and her barely formed feelings for Claudia: detached from the realness of her body and
personal emotions. The power being invoked seemed to be drawing her toward the Abyss
and the spaces beyond the Abyss where she had never been.

The Abyss was within her, within Claudia, within all those in the Temple and all those
outside it. It was primal awe, terror and intoxication and she entered it she felt its energies
forming into shapes ready to ascend to Earth through her crystal and Temple. She was not
conscious of the world around her and so did not see the door of the secret Temple open or
the leering man who entered.

The darkness of the Abyss had attracted the darkness which had possessed Pead, as it
made him sense the vulnerability of Claudia. He was growling like the animal he had
become as he fastened his hands around her neck. Melanie heard the scream but she was
paralyzed by the Abyss and could only return slowly to the world of the living as
inadvertently Claudia operated the mechanism, which opened the pit beneath the crystal.
She and Pead stood on its ledge as the plinth with its crystal slid aside.

“Take me!” Melanie screamed. But she was too late and as she moved toward them they
stumbled and fell into the pit.

Silently the plinth returned to seal them in deep darkness. Melanie could not make it move
and bloodied her hands trying. And when it did, no answer came to her repeated calls, only
silence rising from the rotting blackness below.

The power in the crystal had gone and she hid her tears as she walked toward the Temple
and it worshippers. They were still chanting and dancing, unaware that the real power was
gone from the crystal, the house and its Mistress they all held in awe. Melanie watched and
listened, aware as she did so that what they felt as they chanted and danced was only a
flickering shadow. So she left them to seal herself in her room.

She sat for a long time, vaguely aware of the passing hours and the people who drifted
away from the house, perplexed. They had danced, chanted and waited for her to appear,
but when she had not come forth to carry them to the Abyss they had waited again until the
realization of failure made them shuffle and slink away.

Dawn drew her to her garden and in the long moments of her walking barefoot in the dewy
grass she found an answer to her grief. It was an answer without words – a feeling that
drew her beyond the cold Abyss to where a new universe waited. She was drifting in this
universe, floating among the stars and galaxies of love, sadness, sorrow and joy, and as
she consciously drifted, her body tensed and tears came to her eyes.
Images and feelings rushed through her as a whirling system of planets and stars forms
from chaos and rushes through a galaxy past other starts when time itself is compressed.
The images were of her past but the feelings attached to them were not the original feelings.
There was sadness instead of exultation, love instead of anger, grief instead of joy. They
had changed because her perspective had changed for she was seeing herself and her past
not as before through her own eyes but from beyond herself where other people were part
of her in a way that brought an awareness of their sorrow, passion, hurt, narrowness, love
and stupidity. She was Thurstan as he sat in the café holding her hand and trembling with
the expectation of love; she was Claudia as she lay being kissed for the first time by a
woman – the possessed man who in blindness and unthinking hate had killed Claudia.

The images and feelings rushed through her and when they were gone she was left feeling
both sorrow and love. Her sorrow was in her lack of vision – she had drawn forces from
within herself and beyond herself and used them to fulfill her will and desires: nothing had
been real for her except those powers and herself. Here love was in a yearning to try and
understand by giving herself, by sharing what she felt with someone who understood.

The sorrow that burst upon her broke her free of her past: it was a storm which smashed
her mooring and snapped the anchorage of her self so she became a ship sailing free blown
by winds she did not understand. Her feelings for Thurstan, her brief sorrow at Lois’ death,
her brief love of Claudia were distant heralds of the storm, which had come.

Gradually, her yearning became a yearning for love. She felt the blue of the sky above pour
down upon her as the warmth of the sun, felt the wholeness of the patterns of Nature before
her as if they were all notes in a beautiful piece of music – Vivaldi, perhaps, exulting in song
the god of his faith, or Bach transforming a fugue to its end. She received the emanations
that broke upon her with a joy seldom before known except in brief moments of physical
passion, and she became happy, sad, compassion, ecstatic and afraid until a vision calmed
her. Her vision was of the vital, ineffable mechanism of the cosmos itself – the eternal
beyond the transient forms that life assumed through the process of slow evolution to
something beyond itself.

This something she felt to be a vast, calm ocean where evolution ended, and began, in an
indescribable transcendent bliss. But the vision was soon over, and she found herself lying
on the grass of her garden in the chilly air of morning.

For over an hour she lay, calm and gently breathing while physical senses returned to her
body and an awareness of self brought need. She did not want to move as she did not want
the calm, her perception of the whole of which she was a part, to end, and when she did
move it was to slowly walk toward her car to drive away from her house, hoping, as she did
so, that Thurstan would still love her.

XX

The past came back to Jukes. The day had barely gone after the night of his return before
his insight faded. He was in bed with his new and gentle lover when they called.

“I hope you do not mind us calling,” the nervous young man said.

“Not at all.” He gestured to the sofa and watched keenly as they sat. The young woman with
short hair was pretty, dressed in a purple dress while the young man with a straggly beard
seemed weak-willed and shy.

“We heard about your group,” the man said, “and are very interested.”

“How did you hear?” Jukes asked.

“Oh – the chap in the ‘Occult Bookshop’.”

“Actually – “ Jukes began.

“He said you were an Adept – and we would very much like to learn from you.”

“How do you mean?”

“Be one of your pupils.”

Jukes was flattered and when he looked at the woman she turned her eyes away and
blushed. His new Priestess entered bearing a pot of tea on a tray – she smiled at him with
love, but his own smile was brief and she sat down in a corner, quiet and trusting, while
Jukes began to manipulate, again.

He talked of the Occult path, the difficulties and the sacrifice that was needed, and the
importance of being willing to learn. He drew them to him, talking of the Aeon to come when
truly free individuals would change the world forever. He talked of the magick within, which
could be drawn out and help each individual find their True Will, and as he talked he drew
nearer to the subject of Initiation and acts of sexual magick. His desire for the woman who
sat opposite him grew as he talked, moulding his will through words which seeped into his
new followers as a parasite seeps into the intestine of the host.

“You are very sensitive – to certain forces,” he said to the woman.

“I don’t think I am,” she said softly.

“It seem to me you have a natural gift.” He sensed the compliment was well received. “It
can be developed by certain means, should you wish to do so.”

For hours, he talked while they listened. He felt a power, talking to them about magick, a
mastery that made him confident. He was an Adept, and would guide them toward magickal
understanding. Part of him was sincere as well, and over the years he had covered his
desires with lovely names as his assumption of having attained Adeptship made all that he
did or chose to do seem right for both the cosmos and him. His names were Destiny, free
love and the Chosen.

As the hours passed he became his role – there was no dichotomy within him. His pupils
would be a means, sent by his gods, whereby he himself – and they – could attain further
magickal understanding.

Darkness came early, shielding, and his Priestess lit some candles to shed some light and
add to the atmosphere of magick that he was building with his words. The terrors of his
recent past became rationalized as he talked – Pead had brought misfortune on himself by
his past deeds of sacrifice, and the terrors at the Satanist house were the result of a battle
between Saer and the woman who had enticed Claudia away. It was not his battle, and his
only mistake had been to become involved. That involvement was Claudia’s doing, she was
obviously being manipulated by other powers emanating from the Satanist house.

Jukes was pleased with his understanding. He described to his new pupils the ritual Pead
had done and explained how the magickian became possessed.

“So you see, there is always danger present. We must learn to master our wills!”
His two pupils looked at each other, and the woman nodded.

“When,” asked the man, “can we be Initiated?”

Jukes pretended to consider the matter carefully. “We have a meeting next week at which
Initiation could take place.”

“Really? As soon as that?” The man was surprised.

“Of course, if you wish to delay – “

“No, no. What you suggest is fine. We are only too keen to begin our quest.”

“Good. I shall arrange everything.”

“May I ask you something?” For the first time the woman spoke.

“Why yes!”

“What happened to the man in that ritual?”

Jukes laughed. “He is probably wandering around still, quite mad!”

Jukes was pleased to see them go, knowing the woman would soon be his and knowing
that his Priestess would be only too willing to please him when they returned to his bed. He
slept well that night, tired from his bodily exertions and safe again within the world he had
created. He did not hear his Priestess crying, a little, toward dawn as she sensed what next
week would bring. But she would accept it, for she was only a Priestess and he was her
teacher.

Outside, two Blackbirds sung her to sleep.

XXI
 ‘Therefore, let every mortal see that last day

When they die – not considering themselves fortunate

Until without suffering they cross the boundary of this life.’

Thurstan wrote the words slowly, savouring them, before collecting together the scattered
pages of his translation. He glanced through it, satisfied at the labour of months, but sad
because he would have to think of something else to do in the long hours to be spent alone
as summer changed to autumn and brought the dark of night to cover the evening hours.

A premonition of dawn came to him as he looked out from his window to the eastern hills,
and he snuffed out the candles by which he liked to work. The air outside was fresh like that
of early autumn and he stood by the door of the cottage slowly breathing it in. There was no
wind to break the silence and he walked into his small garden, riddled by weed and long of
grass, to watch the haze of Aurora grow. Definition of fence, tree, fields and hills came
slowly in rhythm with the song of birds as if those very songs were calling Eos from her
sleep. The growing light though without warmth still drew the cold sadness from Thurstan as
he stood waiting for the sun god to rise. And when He did, climbing steadily between the
cleft in hills on the horizon, Thurstan smiled in reverence.

Phrases from his translation repeated themselves in his mind and it did not seem to him a
long span of time since Sophocles had seen or imagined the sun rising over the mountains
of Phocis: ‘Bright as a flame from the snows of Parnassus comes a voice…’ Who, Thurstan
wondered, had in the intervening centuries understood the message? Would his own
attempt to present it in his own language fail should it ever be printed and read? Would
hubris – defiance that broke the balance in the cosmos – increase? Could the balance ever
be restored?

He did not know the answers to these questions as he did not know any answers that were
solutions to the problems of his own life, and he contented himself with enjoying the
beautiful world around him; the sights, sounds, smells of sky-god and Earth-mother. The
Earth around him was real in a way that his memories and dreams were not and as he
stood, experiencing the dawn of day, he forgot his love of Melanie and his dreams of
sharing his life, making himself content by his work in the gardens of mother Earth and by
his night time toil of translations.

He became at peace again with himself and sat upon the step to plan his next translation.
The turning of Earth brought the sun higher into his sky while he sat, enjoying the warmth of
his last day free from his work. Tomorrow, his brief holiday over, he would return to the farm
to strain and stretch his muscles and delight in his simple tasks.

The sun was warm when he heard a vehicle approaching, but he did not rise even when he
recognized the car, which was screechingly braked to a halt. Melanie came toward him and
his peace vanished like darkness by lightning. For minutes they stood, pressed close
together by their arms.

“I love you.” Melanie’s words were a spell, which bound her to him. She knew they would be
and had never used them before.

“You seem changed,” Thurstan said as she began to cry, gently.

“Claudia is dead.”

He kissed her, sat her in a garden chair in the sun, made and brought her a pot of Shenca
tea and sat beside her to listen while she talked. She spoke of the man who came rushing
into her house, drawn somehow by the power she was invoking, of how he seemed to
sense, as she had, Claudia’s innocence. She described the pit into which they fell where
Algar’s disfigured body lay rotting: of how she had let her grief walk her to her garden and
how the burgeoning light of a new day had brought to her an understanding of the tragedy
of her past.

“Your simple love,” she said, “broke through the shield around me. I don’t know how or why
– but it did.”

“What will you do?”

She laughed. “Did you mean what you said?”

“Yes.”

“Then I want to stay here – with you.”

Clouds began to gather around the eastern horizon of hills as they spoke, growing as a wind
arose to shape and move them across the sky to cover, briefly, the sun. Other, darker
clouds followed.

“But your house – your plans?”

“I shall forget them.”

“Can you?”

“Yes. My perspective may have changed – but not my will!”

Thurstan was delighted, both by the answer and the spirit which sent it forth from her lips.
“Will you marry me, then?” he asked.

“Yes!”

They kissed like new lovers while clouds covered the whole of the sky.

“Shall we go in?” Thurstan asked.

“I would like that.”

Inside Melanie said; “You know what I wish?”

He was attuned to her and answered, “I think so.”

“It may be possible, for I no protection and my cycle is right.”

This new desire enhanced the closeness they found as naked body lay upon naked body.
Rain fell around the cottage in where they lay, sweating. It beat down as a storm upon the
roof and windows, a counter-point to their passionate ecstasy and love, and when it was
over and they lay entwined together while the sun sent shafts of light through a window,
Melanie began to cry. She softly cried for a long time as if the tears purged her of her past.
Thurstan felt this, and brushed them away as she lay resting her head on his chest.
The knocking on his door startled them both. Hastily Thurstan covered part of his
nakedness.

“Yes?” he asked as he opened the door.

The old man was in ragged clothes and it was some seconds before Thurstan recognized
Saer.

“I am sorry to intrude – at such a time,” smiled Saer. “May I enter?”

Thurstan was reluctant, for he sensed the Saer was more than an intrusion. “I’d rather you
didn’t.”

“Her power is gone.”

“Please go.” Thurstan did not understand what was happening – but Saer seemed a threat
to him in some way.

“I cannot leave without her.”

The words struck Thurstan like blows. “We are to marry.”

“It cannot be,” said Saer quietly.

“Leave us alone!” shouted Thurstan and in anger shut the door. He bolted it before
returning to Melanie.

Saer stood by the bed. “It cannot be,” he repeated.

Thurstan’s wroth made him move toward Saer who raised his hand. Thurstan’s body
became paralyzed and he could only watch as Saer gave Melanie her clothes.
“I shall kill you!” Thurstan screamed.

Saer smiled.

“Why are you doing this?” Thurstan asked, realizing his rage was useless. Melanie did not
look at him and seemed to be in a trance.

Saer smiled and Thurstan’s rage returned. He channelled it to his body. Trembling with
effort he could only manage to move his feet a little forward.

“Sleep now,” Saer quietly said.

Thurstan’s eyes were closing and he could not stop them. The last thing he saw was
Melanie’s pleading but helpless eyes. Then he was dreaming. He was in his garden under a
searing sun – but his garden was different: full of beautiful flowers and luxurious grass.
Claudia, radiantly beautiful, was beside him and held his arm. He felt peaceful with her and
listened almost rapturously as she spoke.

“You were part of his plan. He could do nothing until your love broke her power.”

“Help me,” Thurstan asked.

“We can do nothing here.”

Thurstan awoke to find himself lying on his bed. Moonlight reached his room and he lay
trying to unravel dream from reality and reality from dream. It was a slow process, but
helped by Melanie’s perfume, which still lay on his pillow and when it was over he
remembered her car.

It was still outside his cottage. He felt uncomfortable with its power and drove carefully
along he moonlit lanes and roads to her house, which he found empty and cold. Nervous,
he switched on all the lights as he journeyed from room to room and floor to floor avoiding
the temple of her crystal. But he felt and saw nothing except the shadows and fears of his
own mind. And the memories of their brief time together.
Only the library possessed some warmth as if in indication of the answers he hoped to find,
and he shut its door before browsing among the books. All of them, and the manuscripts
bound like books, were about alchemy, magick or the Occult. He could read the Latin of the
medieval manuscripts and books, but what it related did not interest him as the later books
brought forth no desire to read further. Even the Black Book of Satan, resting on the table,
seemed irrelevant to him. They were all compilations of shadow words, appearing to
Thurstan to fall short of the aim that the searchers who had written them should have aimed
for. His instinctive feeling was to observe in a contemplative way some facet of the cosmos
– to stand outside in the dark of the night and listen for the faint music that travelled down to
Earth from the stars – rather the enclose himself in the warm womb of a house to read the
writings of others. Demons, spells, hidden powers, the changing of base metal to gold, even
the promises of power and change for himself, were not important to Thurstan, and he left
the library with its stored knowledge and forbidden secrets and lurking gods, to walk in the
moonlit garden.

The stars were not singing for him – or he could not hear them above the turmoil of him
thought – but his slow moon-wise walking brought a calm. His dreams of sharing life with
Melanie were still vivid, but he realized that if such sharing was not to be, it would not be.
He might try, through force or even magick to win her back. But if he succeeded, his dreams
would only become real if she wished to make them real for him, and all he could do was
give her the freedom of choice. Saer was using her – for what purpose he did not know –
and he would try and find her, somehow, to give the promise of choice. He was not afraid of
Saer, not worried about the magickal powers he possessed, for as he walked with a calm
that deepened and brought awareness of the rhythms of the cosmos, he felt that it was his
fate to try and find her. What happened when and if he did, would happen, as Spring
happens after the cold darkness of Winter.

XXII

It was not a long wait. Thurstan did not enter the secret Temple and use the crystal nor any
magickal means. His way was not the way of magick but of sensitive thought and he sat on
the damp, cold grass to close his eyes and think of Melanie.

What he saw guided him and he walked in the moonlight along the narrow turning hilly lanes
singing softly to himself. His songs were from his translations and he invented the music to
match the rhythm of his walking feet. There was joy in him then, a simpleness that gave him
the strength of water and its ability to follow any channel or shape itself while still being itself
to any vessel or container. His goal was a small cottage of stone with a sagging roof and
tiny windows beside an unmarked track that weaved among the mamelons between the
western slopes of the Mynd and the tress of Linley Hill. No one passed him as he walked
and the fields were quite silent and quite still. His chosen track led him for a hundred yards
through a wood, past a stream flowing down between two hills to curve eastwards and rise
north among the rocky barren land. As its sudden end lay the cottage but briefly home to the
short sun of Winter. Dawn was almost rising behind him as he knocked upon the old
studded oak door.

No one came to answer his call and he opened the door. Inside in the flickering light of a
fire, he saw Saer hunched on a stool before the hearth while against the wall in the
recessed bed, Melanie lay sleeping. The large room comprised all of the cottage and it
smelled of burnt hazel mingled with pine. Saer, though surprised, did not move.

“You are persistent.” Saer did not look toward Thurstan but still stared into the large flames
that ate, with sporadic breaking of tree-limbs and fingers, the wood.

Thurstan did not close the door but began to walk toward Melanie. Suddenly, Saer rose.

“Leave her,” he said quietly and raised his left hand.

For an instant Saer’s features seemed, to Thurstan, to be lacertilian but the impression soon
vanished to leave only an old man with white hair standing before a fire. As soon as
Thurstan touched Melanie she awoke. “She is mine,” he said, almost sadly.

“It is not for you or for me but for Melanie to decide,” Saer said, and smiled. It was a kindly
smile and he raised him hand again.

Thurstan just sighed and held Melanie’s hand.

“I can see,” Saer said to Thurstan, “what powers you now represent.”

“I have no power – only my love for her.”

“Even now you do not understand.” Saer turned toward Melanie. “It is written: ‘Baphomet is
a goddess of violent aspect who washes in the blood of her foes. She is the bride of Lucifer
– a Gate to the Dark Gods beyond this Earth. Her daughters are Power, Vengeance and
Lust, but the only Earth-based living child born from these children is the Demon named
Love.’ ”
“So I,” said Melanie, suddenly understanding, “as Mistress of Earth passed beyond the
Abyss.”

“To bring into this world what must be.”

“And now I must choose?”

“Yes.”

For a long time Melanie looked at Thurstan. “I must go with Saer,” she finally said. In that
instant, she felt her magickal powers return.

“But I –“

“Say nothing.” She pressed her forefinger to his lips.

“I don’t understand,” said Thurstan, almost crying with emotion.

Melanie smiled, sadly. “There will be enough time for understanding in old age. What lives
now and grows within me will always be a part of you.”

She kissed his cheek and he became too full of emotion to do anything but watch her and
Saer walk into the burgeoning dawn. Then, suddenly, they vanished. He ran outside, but he
could not find them.

He walked slowly away from the cottage. The light of dawn seemed to be sucking mist from
the ground, but he did not care. He moved, like an old man pained by his limbs, through the
cold and sometimes swirling mist along a path that took him toward the Mynd and up,
steeply, to its level summit where he stood, high above the mist, to watch the mist-clotted
valleys below. The heather was beginning to show the glory of its colour, and he walked
through it northbound along the cracked and stony road stopping often to turn around and
wait. But no one and nothing came to him – no voices, song or sigh. There was hope within
him as he walked as he had often walked along the almost level top of that long and
beautiful low mountain. But hope did not last, for he felt he would never see her again –
never know their child. The very Earth itself seemed to be whispering to him the words of
this truth. He began to sense, slowly, that there was for him real magick here where
moorland fell to form deep hollows home to those daughter of Earth known as springs and
streams, and where the Neolithic pathway had heard perhaps ten million stories. No wisps
of clouds came to spoil the glory of the sun as it rose over the mottled wavy hills beyond the
Stretton valley miles distant and below. No noise to break the almost sacred silence heard.
For an instant it seemed as if some divinity, strange but pure, came into the world, and
smiled.

The smile might have been one of understanding, but Thurstan sat down in the heather and
cried.

XXIII

It was raining still and dull of day when Jukes arrived at Pead’s cottage, summoned by
avarice. His fear began to ebb away as he saw it was empty, unchanged since the night of
the ritual – except for the stench of the dismembered, half-eaten and rotting dog.

He selected his goods carefully, taking only the rarest of books and manuscripts to his car
wherein his Priestess waited, soothed by his words of charm: ‘He said if anything happened
to him, I was to keep his books…’

So he worked while she, in trust, waited. And when, to his satisfaction, the collection was
complete, he drove in curiosity to see from a safe distance the house wherein Claudia had
left him and where he thought she lived in bondage to her Satanic mistress.

An old tramp was walking away from the direction of the house and Jukes stopped him,
saying: “Do you know who lives there?”

“In that there house?” said the old man before spitting on the ground. “Empty it is – has
been for weeks if you ask me. No mug of tea for me there, that’s for sure.”

Jukes did not thank him or even watch him walk away. He was excited, and led his
Priestess along the driveway to the house, as, behind them, Saer turned in the rain, and
smiled.

Jukes tried the door, and to his surprise found it open. The house was warm, comforting
after the cold rain, and they ambled along the hallway with Jukes calling “Hello?”
No one came. Jukes left his Priestess for he felt strangely aroused. The house, he felt, was
a woman of beauty and he was violating her. He was full of physical lust and felt powerful
and began to explore all the aspects of her warm and scented body – hoping vaguely he
might find a real woman whom he could rape. He eagerly sought the bedrooms – caressing
the silken sheets – as he eagerly sought items of clothing, which he hoped by their texture,
and smell, might bring nearer to him the woman he was searching for. Night came from
outside while he wandered, bringing light and increased warmth within the house. But Jukes
did not notice this. His arousal became stronger until he became a man intent only on rape.
He did not see the shadows from his own Abyss as they gathered around him lisping words
of encouragement, as he did not find in his search the woman he wanted. But he
remembered a woman, waiting for him below.

He found her asleep in a chair fluxed in the glow of a large crystal before her. He did not
care about the strange room nor wonder about the crystal. He cared only for satisfying his
lust – he wanted, as he had never wanted before, to abuse her cruelly, to beat her and rape
her savagely. He was strong in body and would use his strength to satisfy himself by forcing
her beneath him.

He moved toward her, leering. But, then, she opened her eyes and smiled.

Jukes found he could not move, and did not see the door behind him close. “You are mine
now,” the woman who had once been his willing lover said. “With a look I can strike you
dead!”

Jukes did not doubt it. Reality for him returned quickly. She was no longer his Priestess, but
a woman, mistress of him, who by magick bound his will. Beside the crystal where he stood
watching helplessly, an amber necklace lay and she rose from the chair to take it for herself.
She was still smiling as she unthreaded one bead, which began to glow in her fingers. She
showed it to him, mockingly, and laughed before re-threading it and placing the beads
around her neck.

“You are mine,” she repeated and smiled. “Through Them whom we never name, we who
garb ourselves in black possess this rock we call this Earth.”

She did not yet know what she would do with her new power, but there was plenty of time
for her to think of something, plenty of secret books to be read. The old man who had led
her from the hallway to this chamber would return, one day, to instruct her, she remembered
he had said.
 ------

Thurstan saw the lights in Melanie’s house, and waited. He waited for a long time in the cold
and the darkness, trying to forget his hunger, his tiredness and the rain. At last the lights
became fewer, until all were gone, and he walked, trusting in his love and hopeful still,
toward the door. It was not locked.

There was a woman sleeping in Melanie’s bed. He did not wake her, nor the man he found
sleeping in another room, but left them and the house to walk along the dark road that
would take him to the Mynd, down into the valley and back to his cottage.

“I am an old man in a young man’s body,” he said to himself as he walked amid the rain.
Maybe some day he would love again, but the shattering of his dreams had changed him,
making him to wish to live alone, content with his translations. He did not fully understand
his recent past but he felt that Melanie’s child, when born, would be important in some way
to the world – a kind of channel for the forces which both she and Saer represented.

He had seen enough of the hidden dimensions of the world to realize his lack of knowledge,
but this lack did not bother him. He would go his own way, slowly as perhaps befitted a
hermit-scholar, seeking through the slowness of the years a kind of inner peace in the little
piece of Earth that was his home. Change would come – as it always had and always would
– and he would sigh, while he treasured what he knew.

In the rain he thought he heard a strange creator star-god sigh, but walked on – shaking his
head at the perplexity that was human life and the sadness that was the breaking of his
dreams.

Incipit Vitriol…..

In your beginnings – we, waiting.

In your quest - we are.
Before you - we were.
After you - we shall be, again.
Before us - They who are never named.
After us - They who will be, waiting.
 [Fini]

Appendix

A Note Concerning The Deofel Quartet:

The books in the Deofel Quartet were designed as esoteric Instructional Texts for novices
beginning the quest along the Left Hand Path according to the traditions of the ONA.

As such, they are not - and were not intended to be - great works of literature or novels of
literary value, and their style is not that of a conventional novel. Thus, detailed descriptions
– of people, events, circumstances – are for the most part omitted, with the reader/listener
expected to use their own imagination to create such details.

Their intent was to inform novices of certain esoteric matters in an entertaining and
interesting way, and as such they are particularly suitable for being read aloud. Indeed, one
of their original functions was to be read out to Temple members by the Temple Priest or
Priestess.

In effect, they are attempts at a new form of "magickal art" - like Tarot images, or esoteric
music.

In addition, each individual book represents particular forms, aspects, and the archetypal
energies associated with particular spheres of the Septenary Tree of Wyrd. Thus, and for
example, The Temple of Satan relates to the third sphere, the alchemical process
Coagulation, and the magickal process represented by the magickal word Ecstasy. [For
more details, refer to the ONA MS Introduction to the Deofel Quartet.]