EXT. BLACKPOOL.

NIGHT

A PAIR OF BLACK FURRY FEET. Running up cast iron steps. Desperate,

panting. The clang of metal.

Snatched vertiginous glimpses of a bleak expanse of sea, a

distant strip of lights along the sea front, trams passing below.

A FIGURE IN A BLACK MONKEY SUIT. It looks back. Someone is

following.

The FIGURE pushes through a metal hatch and starts to climb.

A furry arm grabs painted-red iron, climbing hairy hand over

hairy hand. A sharp crack of metal on metal. The hand slips,
it searches frantically for some purchase on the girder.

CUT WIDE to reveal: The FIGURE IN THE MONKEY SUIT atop the
Blackpool Tower, railing Kong-like against the elements.

The MONKEY falls, twisting in the air as it descends towards us.

As it fills the screen flip to the MONKEY'S POV: BLACKPOOL
SEAFRONT barrelling towards us, spiralling as we fall.

SLAMMING INTO the pavement.

CUT TO:

EXT. PETROL STATION FORECOURT. DAY 1

EXTREME CLOSE UP: Ketchup squirting from a burger as someone

takes a bite.

CAPTION: 'Four days earlier'

TRIXIE a flabby old slag in her late twenties - falling out of

her clothes - bites into a burger. A chunk of meat drops out.
She picks it up and inserts it back into the bun.

Whilst bent over she adjusts the millimetre of thong that slices
in between her fulsome white buttocks.

DUDLEY SUTTON - late twenties, shorts and short sleeve shirt -

carrying a bag of service station fare. He glances furtively
at TRIXIE'S bum as he passes.
The forecourt is crammed with honking vehicles. Coaches,
minibuses, cars, people shouting, milling around, music blaring
from radios and boom-boxes.

DUDLEY continues towards his coach, sweating in the blistering

Bank Holiday heat.

CUT TO:

INT. SUTTONS COACH/PETROL STATION. DAY 1

LOLA SUTTON, buttoned-up, plainly dressed, mid-twenties, sticky

with sweat in the oven-like heat of the coach.

She is perched awkwardly on the back seat. Next to her are a

YOUNG COUPLE. They wear the minimum of clothes and are snogging
one another with frenzied abandon, unashamed of their mutual
lust.

Cut between LOLA in the heat, glancing at them and her POV: the
BOY'S hand on the GIRL'S thigh. Sweat on skin. Open mouths.
Flashes of tongue.

DUDLEY arrives, shambling awkwardly down the aisle, clutching

his carrier bag of fare.

DUDLEY squeezes past the embracing COUPLE'S bare knees.

DUDLEY
Sorry love. It's chaos out there.
Some kid got a Magnum all down my
shorts.

DUDLEY sits down. They're both aware that the COUPLE are getting
it on next to them.

DUDLEY
Milky tea. No sugar.

LOLA
Thanks.

The SNOGGING COUPLE ratchet the action up a notch. Sweating,

DUDLEY pulls at his shirt.

DUDLEY
Ooh it's baking.
The SNOGGING MAN has his hand in his girlfriends top. He is
rolling her nipple between his fingers.

DUDLEY
Does that window work?

LOLA
It's stuck.

The SNOGGING MAN'S eyes flick briefly over LOLA. DUDLEY opens
a tube of sweets.

DUDLEY
Did I lock the front door? Or did you?

LOLA
You.

DUDLEY pats his pockets.

DUDLEY
Are you sure?

LOLA
Yeah.

DUDLEY
I can't find the key.

LOLA
You gave it to me.

LOLA'S POV: The YOUNG COUPLE. His hand between the GIRL'S
thighs.

DUDLEY
I didn't.

LOLA
You did.

We hear a low moan. A BARE ARM swings loosely over DUDLEY'S

shoulder. He tries not to react to it.

DUDLEY
Have a look in your bag.

LOLA does so reluctantly. She holds up the key. A deep groan

from the neighbouring seat.
DUDLEY offers LOLA a sweet.

DUDLEY
Polo?

LOLA smiles weakly and takes it.

The COACH judders into life and rolls off.

CUT TO:

EXT. PETROL STATION FORECOURT. DAY 1

As the SUTTON'S COACH clears frame it reveals CARTER KRANTZ -

a pale yet arrestingly handsome, messianic man in his
mid-twenties.

He seems tired, a little bit wired, stares intently at a small

strip of paper with two words on it. He folds it and replaces
it in his top pocket. As he does we see his cuff is stained with
blood.

He glances around the forecourt.

CARTER'S POV: disjointed images. Exhaust belching from a coach.

A FATHER and YOUNG SON drifting past seen through a heat haze.
A sign for tyres, whipping round in the wind.

CARTER turns and finds himself looking straight into the

ketchup-daubed face of TRIXIE.

TRIXIE
Alright sugar. You look a bit lost.

She swigs from a can of Tetleys. He looks at her coolly and starts
to head past. TRIXIE follows him.

TRIXIE
Where you heading?

He holds up a battered piece of card with the word 'Blackpool'

written on it.

CARTER
Blackpool.

TRIXIE
Whoohoo!!!
She holds her up hand 'gimme five' style.

CARTER doesn't respond. She hooks her arm through his.

TRIXIE
We'll give you a lift, won't we girls.

CARTER looks up to see a bunch of LEERING FEMALES cheering from

the windows of a minibus.

CUT TO:

INT. SINS NIGHTCLUB- STAFF TOILET. DAY 1

SHIRLEY WOOLF, a charismatic man in his early-forties, lean,

powerful, a brooding presence. He sits on the toilet reading
the Blackpool Mercury.

There's a knock at the door.

LIAM
(OOV)
Dad?

SHIRLEY lowers the paper.

SHIRLEY
What?

LIAM
(OOV - hint of nervousness)
I'm ready.

SHIRLEY
Great. Get that money and don't fuck
about. No gabbing with your mates. No
freebies off the girls. No rolling up
a sly one.

LIAM
(OOV)
Do you want some chips?

SHIRLEY conceals his irritation.

SHIRLEY
No I don't want any fucking chips.
Just get in there. Show some front.
 Get out. You can do it. I know you
can.

LIAM
(OOV)
Sorted. Sorted. I've got it sussed.
I'm rocking Dad.

SHIRLEY
And don't forget that grand off the
coon.

LIAM
(OOV)
He's having difficulties Dad. He says
his cat's got cancer.

SHIRLEY
Good. I hope it dies.

SHIRLEY turns the page and is shocked by what he sees.

SHIRLEY'S POV of the paper: an article about the tenth

anniversary of Sins Nightclub. There are photographs of SHIRLEY
and his wife CONNIE - a brassy, confident woman in her early
forties. A caption reads 'Connie Woolf dazzles crowd at
nightclub anniversary bash'.

Amongst these are 'Heat'-style unflattering photos of CONNIE:

on a bar stool holding up a glass of champagne and flashing her
knickers; close-up of cellulite; her face emphasizing a spot on
her chin.

SHIRLEY
(distracted)
Take my car. Get that cash.

SHIRLEY lowers his paper.

SHIRLEY
And Liam.

Pause.

SHIRLEY
Stay away from Mercy.

CUT TO:
EXT. SHIRLEYS MERCEDES/SEAFRONT. DAY 1

POV from moving car: The word 'MERCY'S' in illuminated letters

above a lap-dancing emporium. Either side of the entrance are
posters of the girls amongst which is the star attraction - the
fawn-like beauty VIENNA KEEN.

LIAM, an early-twenties unkempt slacker sporting Madchester '89

styling stares fixedly at the club, as he heads down the Golden
Mile in SHIRLEY'S open-topped car. Shades down, spliff in hand,
'Wrote for Luck' by the Happy Mondays blaring from the stereo.

He swerves erratically to overtake a slow-moving coach,

struggling to maintain control of the car. LOLA and DUDLEY are
momentarily visible at the window peering out.

CUT TO:

INT. SUTTONS COACH/SEAFRONT. DAY 1

EVERYONE standing excitedly looking out at the Blackpool sea

front apart from the YOUNG SNOGGING COUPLE who are snoozing
post-coitally, head to head.

DUDLEY and LOLA are pressed together leaning against the window.

THEIR POV: The Tower from beneath; A FAMILY OF BIG FAT FUCKERS
eating ice-creams; A House of Horrors; The Big One; GYPSY'S
peddling crap; etc. etc.

DUDLEY
Did I do well?

LOLA gives him a peck.

LOLA
You did brilliant.

She peers back out of the window.

DUDLEY watches her. The sunlight on the little blond hairs of

her bare arm.

LOLA takes in the glitter of the seafront and beyond that the
grey expanse of the Irish Sea. Suddenly she sees the nude figure
of CARTER KRANTZ being shoved out of a passing minibus.
For a fleeting moment, their eyes meet, then the coach speeds
past.

CUT TO:

EXT. SEAFRONT/ TRIXIE'S MINIBUS. DAY 1

A naked CARTER picks himself up. Around his neck hangs a small,
antiquated rusty key. In his hand he clutches his scrap of paper.

The minibus heads off, a bunch of CACKLING HENS waving his

clothes from the rear window.

TRIXIE
(shouting)
What's the matter gaylord. Scared of
a bit of minge.

Standing at a plinth surrounded by a SMALL CROWD including

ratty-looking journalist KEN CRYER is REV. ONAN VAN KNECK the
Mayor of Blackpool. VAN KNECK is a puffed up, overweight
heavy-set man in his sixties.

BEHIND him is a huge billboard covered with a white drape.

MAYOR
Heaven, ladies and gentlemen...

The MAYOR wrenches down the drape to reveal the billboard.

Three photographs blown up to poster size: figures on a beach;

a vintage rock shop; and in the centre a beautiful old church.
A bold caption (which obscures the top of the building) reads
'Heaven'.

MAYOR
The Eden that was once ours.

Above these are three contrasting shots of contemporary

Blackpool: someone lying in a pool of sick; someone bleeding with
glass in his brow; lapdancers lined up in a club - one of which
is VIENNA KEEN. The caption reads 'Hell'.

MAYOR
Hell. The sewer that we swim in today.

KEN CRYER
(shouting)
 What about the s...s..sewer of
c..c..civic corruption? The
b..b..backhanders, the p..p. palm
greasing, the ge...ge...ge.
gerrymandering. What about
Bridewell?

The MAYOR laughs dismissively.

MAYOR
Listen to him ladies and gentlemen.
The weasel words of the do-good
brigade.

CARTER is making his way through the crowd trying to find more
adequate cover. He grabs at a shawl belonging to an OLD LADY
in a wheelchair. She spots his act of larceny and resists it.
CARTER struggles for a moment with the OLD LADY but fails to
secure the shawl.

KEN CRYER
Who's p..p..paying for your
c..c..campaign?

KEN holds up a printed leaflet. It reads: 'Vote Van Kneck. His

Kingdom Come. His will be done.'

KEN CRYER
Who's b...buying this election for
you?

MAYOR
Alright Jeremy Paxman. You've had
your fun. But we're living in the real
world here.

The crowd murmurs. Someone shouts 'P...p..p..piss off

K..K..K..Ken'. EVERYONE laughs. KEN blushes. THE MAYOR presses
home his advantage and addresses the crowd, putting KEN to one
side.

MAYOR
(addressing crowd)
I'm a Sandgrownun. I call a spade a
spade. And I know what you care about.
I'm talking about filth.
Above photos is a enormous image of the MAYOR with the words
'Where do you want to live?'

MAYOR
Lapdancers. Junkies. Drunks
drenching our streets with urine.

The MAYOR'S eyes settle upon CARTER, who is attempting to cover

his naked rump by stealing a novelty hat from a CHILD. The
MAYOR'S eyes widen in theatrical disbelief.

MAYOR
Animals like him! This town is a zoo.
And I'm here to shovel the shit from
the cages.

The CHILD steals the hat back off CARTER. The MAYOR takes a few
steps forward. There a strange clicking noise as he moves.

MAYOR
(calling to aide)
Get uniformed. I want this -

He jabs a stubby forefinger in CARTER'S direction.

MAYOR
- thrown back on the M55.

A round of applause from the small crowd.

CARTER holds the MAYOR'S stare, unintimidated then turns and

heads off through the beeping traffic.

MAYOR
(OOV)
I want him run out of town.

On CARTER'S face as he strides across the road.

CUT TO:

EXT. DINGY ALLEYWAY - DAY 1

Medium close on a lanky, fresh-faced young uniformed policeman

CHRIS CHURCH. His expression is inscrutable, somewhere between
pain and trying to get the lid off a pickle jar.
Pull out to reveal that he is being eagerly and enthusiastically
fellated by RUBY WOOLF. As his crisis approaches he is
distracted by his radio.

RADIO
PC 727. Are you clear to go to South
Shore? Disturbance involving Mayor
and young male nudist.

Hesitation on CHRIS'S face.

RADIO
PC 727. Are you receiving?

CHRIS
(apologetic)
I'll have to take it.

He looks down at RUBY. She lifts her head and wipes her mouth.
She's early twenties, pretty, dressed skimpily in too-tight
clothes.

RUBY
Let me finish you off. You can't go
out there with a big full truncheon
like that.

CHRIS reaches for his radio.

CHRIS
This is 727 receiving.

RUBY reaches down and attempts to finish the job with her hand.

CHRIS
Will report to South Shore
immediately. Can do. Will do.

CHRIS bats her hand away.

CHRIS
Look - I've really got to go.

RUBY kisses him.

RUBY
See you tonight then. Pick me up in
your Batmobile.
CHRIS nods then runs off. After a beat he runs back, kisses her
again, then goes. RUBY watches him go, smiling, loved-up.

SHIRLEY
(shouting OOV)
Ruby... Ruby ...

She hurriedly checks her hair, runs her hand around her lipstick
and then sashays around the corner as casually as she can manage.

CUT TO:

EXT. SINS NIGHTCLUB - DAY 1

SHIRLEY WOOLF stands in blinding sunlight, shielding his eyes,

searching for RUBY. Sunlit street. The odd car rolling past.
He holds the Blackpool Mercury in his hand- still open on the
unflattering pictures of CONNIE.

Behind him are several signs - on either side of the doors- which
identify the building as being Sins Nightclub.

RUBY
(shifty - covering)
Hiyah Dad.

SHIRLEY
Where's Connie?

CUT TO:

INT. ROCKSHOTZ SOUVENIR SHOP - DAY 1

The doors crash open. LIAM strides in messily eating a bag of

chips.

Shelves lined with rock, seaside souvenirs, postcards, buckets

and spades, but also crude and vulgar novelty items -
penis-shaped lollies, plastic breasts and turds. Display
cabinets full of hunting knives, catapults and airguns.

LIAM swaggers towards the cash desk. In the background are a

couple of nine year old KIDS looking round the shop.

Behind the cash register is a middle aged woman PATTI. She flicks
through a holiday brochure.
 LIAM
Alright doll...

PATTI doesn't respond. She turns a page in her brochure. LIAM

momentarily hesitates, then launches into his patter.

LIAM
No excuses. No fairytales. Get busy
with the fizzy. It's coupon day.

Slowly PATTI looks up. She takes LIAM in, clearly unimpressed.

The KIDS push in front of LIAM to the counter. They lay down
a handful of penny chews, some Chomp Bars and a lethal looking
twelve inch hunting knife.

PATTI turns wearily to the back of the shop.

PATTI
(shouting)
Idi...

CUT TO:

INT. ROCKSHOTZ SOUVENIR SHOP- BACK OF SHOP- DAY 1

IDI the storeowner stands stroking a lively-looking tabby tomcat.

He is struggling to keep it in his arms.

The shelves behind IDI are lined with colourful novelty wigs.
The Racing Post is open on a stool, next to an old transistor
radio, with an old-fashioned white ear-piece plugged in.

IDI
He is a fighter this one. Up to his
tail in chemo and still he wrestles...

LIAM
He looks fine to me...

LIAM munches on his chips.

IDI
To the untrained eye.

LIAM'S phone bleeps.

IDI
 But look...

IDI lifts one of the cat's paws.

IDI
As limp as a cripple's dick.

LIAM is looking at his phone's display. It's a photo-message

of a glorious-looking Fender Stratocaster. IDI catches sight
of it too.

LIAM
Look just give me the fucking money.
I'm on notice here.

IDI
What is matter with you? Still in
thrall to that man. I thought you were
going to be something. Big star. Mad
for it.

LIAM
I am. I've got things cooking.

IDI
You know who I had in the shop last
week?

A beat for effect.

IDI
Inspiral Carpets. The whole damn band.
Tom Hingley, Clint Boon. Graham
Lambert is not well. He has bad guts.
They are looking for a guitarist.

LIAM scrolls down the picture on his phone to reveal the message:
'COME AND SEE ME. MERCY'. LIAM looks up at IDI.

IDI
Take the cat as collateral. I'll fix
up a meet with the boys.

LIAM hesitates. He looks at the cat.

CUT TO:

EXT. SHANGRI-LA GUEST HOUSE - DAY 1

The screech of a tom-cat echoes miserably along a dreary street
of small terrace houses.

LOLA and DUDLEY SUTTON look up with open-mouthed disappointment

at 'The Shangri-La Guest House'.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- RECEPTION - DAY 1

LOLA'S hand on the bell. Its ting echoes emptily through the
hallway.

A shabby reception area. A naked light bulb. Sickly green walls.

No one comes.

LOLA and DUDLEY look around. A poster on the wall with the image
of the Tower advertising the annual Cross Ball 'sponsored by
Mercy's - the North's premiere gentlemen's entertainment
venue'.

There are some suitcases piled nearby. DUDLEY pokes at them

experimentally with his foot. They seem glued to the floor.

A faint wailing begins from upstairs, Grace-Pool-like.

They look towards the source of the sound.

BANG! The double doors behind the reception area are thrown open.
Filling them is the lanky figure of LEO FINCH - late forties,
gone to seed, lord of his own little portion of the world.

LEO
Alright.

LEO eyes flick straight to LOLA breasts.

LEO
How are we?

LOLA notices that LEO'S sleeves are rolled up. His arms are
soaking wet.

DUDLEY
We're the Suttons. Dudley and Lola.

LEO
 Of course, of course. We've been
expecting you. The newlyweds.

LEO turns the register book towards them and offers LOLA a pen.
She signs.

LOLA
No.

DUDLEY
We've been married three years.

LEO
(to LOLA)
Still got a glint in your eye.

LEO turns to get a key.

LEO
And how was the journey from Ripon?

DUDLEY
Stoke.

LEO glances at DUDLEY, a flicker of irritation. LEO takes the

pen back from LOLA.

LEO
Stoke. Beautiful place.

LEO claps his hands.

LEO
(to LOLA)
The room's ready. I've washed the
sheets. We're all very excited.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- GLOOMY BAR - DAY 1

The door swings as LEO sweeps in, followed by DUDLEY and LOLA.

LEO
The American Bar. Cocktails,
cruditees, widescreen TV...

He gestures up to an antiquated TV set bolted to the wall.

LOLA glances down and sees a pair of legs protruding from behind
the bar. LEO flashes her a charming smile.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- EMPRESS ROOM - DAY 1

The door whips open. LEO pushes in. A faded, miserable space
with damp-looking wallpaper.

LEO
The Empress Room. Petit dejeuner.
In-house entertainment.

LEO picks up a worn deck of cards. He ruffles them at LOLA.

LEO
Poker game tonight. If you fancy a
punt.

DUDLEY glances at LOLA. She clearly doesn't.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- SEAVIEW SUITE - DAY 1

Door opens. LEO enters as before followed by the SUTTONS.

LEO
Seaview Suite.

LOLA looks out of the window. The view is of another guesthouse

- called 'The Seaview'.

LEO
Super king-size. Lots of support.

He sits on the bed bouncing his lap up and down.

LEO
Need any help. Give me a shout.

The door slams and he's gone, leaving the SUTTONS alone.

LOLA
Jesus Dudley...

DUDLEY
 It looked better in the brochure.

DUDLEY shows LOLA the page which contains mendaciously tasteful

shots of a hotel bar, reception area with a PEROXIDE BLONDE
laughing, a heart-framed photo of the same blonde in an avocado
green bath, surrounded by bubbles.

LOLA
It's horrible...

LOLA holds up an orange plastic bucket which has been placed to

catch a drip.

DUDLEY
We're not here for the decor. We're
here to have a good time. Get those
juices flowing. Do it...

The word falls like a lead weight in the silence.

DUDLEY
(awkward beat)
This weekend...Anything goes. I'll
do whatever you want. Your wildest
fantasy. You just have to tell me.

LOLA struggles for a moment. She would like to speak but she
can't.

DUDLEY
Just give me a hint.

LOLA
(hesitant)
I'll try

She approaches DUDLEY and gives him a peck. DUDLEY pulls her
towards him. She puts her arms around him. They hug. DUDLEY'S
hands stray towards her buttocks. They rest there for a moment.
LOLA doesn't respond.

DUDLEY
Well...no time like the present.

An excruciating pause.

LOLA
I'll just have a wee.
LOLA enters the bathroom and shuts the door. DUDLEY hurriedly
begins to remove his trousers.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- SEAVIEW SUITE- BATHROOM - DAY 1

LOLA is perched on the toilet, looking round the grim bathroom

with slight trepidation.

She leans forward to look at an intriguing figurine on the

bathroom window. It is a naked women in lewd pose. There is
an inscription beneath it.

She leans further forward to peer at it. The inscription reads

"'There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth'
- Agnes Repplier (1855-1950)".

Suddenly the panel next to the toilet bursts open revealing

itself to be a door - another entrance into the bathroom. LEO
appears behind it.

LEO
Just advising you about this door.
Anyone could come through it if you're
not forewarned.

He barely registers the fact that LOLA is on the toilet. He

gestures towards the bath.

LEO
That bath's got jets.

LEO winks at her. And with that he is gone. LOLA's mouth is

open. Did she just dream this?

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- SEAVIEW SUITE - DAY 1

DUDLEY is sat up in bed bare chested, nervously awaiting her.

The curtains are drawn.

LOLA enters. He looks at her expectantly.

LOLA
Let's go out.
 CUT TO:

EXT. SEAFRONT - DAY 1

THE MAYOR'S campaign launch is being wound down. Bunting is

being rolled up and stashed away by CAMPAIGN WORKERS.

THE MAYOR is chatting to some LOCAL PEOPLE.

THE MAYOR
...of course that's family
entertainment isn't it. Last year we
had the Joe Longthorne Summer
Spectacular.

KEN CRYER has approached. He lurks at THE MAYOR'S side trying

to catch his attention.

THE MAYOR
Nine weeks of solid gold. He's of
gypsy stock, but he sings
beautifully.

KEN hovers. He's not going to go away. THE MAYOR turns.

THE MAYOR
(impatient)
What do you want?

KEN
To hold you to ac..ac..account. I
know wh...wh..what's go..going on. I
kn..kn...know about you and
M..M..Mercy.

THE MAYOR smiles sweetly.

THE MAYOR
(to LOCAL PEOPLE)
Excuse me.

He leads KEN away and then once out of earshot he turns.

THE MAYOR
You need to be very careful young man.
Unsubstantiated allegations can be
ruinous.
 KEN
I'll s..substantiate. I'll
s...substantiate alright.

THE MAYOR turns away and finds CHRIS CHURCH approaching briskly.

CHRIS CHURCH
I got a call sir. I hear there's been
some trouble. Lewd behaviour on the
front.

THE MAYOR seizes on this opportunity to get away from KEN. He

strides briskly towards CHRIS.

THE MAYOR
You took your time. I'm glad I wasn't
in mortal peril.

He moves swiftly away with CHRIS in order to brief him. KEN

watches him go.

KEN
I'll s..sort you Van Kneck. I'll
n...n...nail you.

CUT TO:

INT. MARIE CURIE CHARITY SHOP - DAY 1

Three playing cards lain out face down on a shop counter.

CARTER KRANTZ stands on one side of the counter, now wearing a

sixties Michael Caine-style Alfie suit, a price tag still
hanging from it's sleeve.

Two old Blackpool ladies ALICE and DOREEN are on the other side
of the counter.

ALICE
That one...or that one...no...oh I
can't do it. Doreen - you pick.

DOREEN
Are you sure these aren't trick cards.

CARTER
Your cards ladies. I'm just a quick
pair of hands.
CARTER glances out of the window. CHRIS CHURCH is approaching
the shop.

ALICE
Ooo 'ant he got lovely eyes. Bedroom
eyes we used to call 'em.

DOREEN
You want to watch her.

DOREEN reaches out and touches one of the cards. CARTER smiles
devilishly and turns it over revealing a three of clubs. He turns
one of the others revealing a queen.

DOREEN
That's another fiver. He's cleaned me
out.

ALICE
You'll have to dip in' till.

CARTER shakes his head.

CARTER
No. You're alright. What I want is
information.

ALICE
Ah well...you're in right place. She
knows everything...
Illnesses...affairs...who all the
gays are.

DOREEN nods proudly. The shop bell goes and CHRIS CHURCH - a
lanky, fresh-faced young policeman enters.

CHRIS CHURCH
Afternoon ladies. I'm looking for a
nudist. Someone's been flashing
their all on the front. He was seen
heading in here.

CARTER gives them a conspiratorial wink.

DOREEN
Oh no...

ALICE
We should be so lucky.
They giggle. CHRIS CHURCH looks down at CARTER'S feet. CARTER
wears no shoes or socks. He looks up at CARTER.

CHRIS CHURCH
And can I ask you sir...where were you
at time of this incident?

CARTER
I was outside.

CARTER holds CHRIS'S gaze.

CARTER
On the front.

CHRIS studies CARTER warily.

CHRIS CHURCH
Were you fully clothed at this time
sir?

CARTER holds his gaze.

CARTER
No.

CHRIS CHURCH
I see.

CARTER
I was barefoot.

CHRIS CHURCH
What about the rest of you...was that
bare sir?

CARTER hesitates and glances at the old ladies.

CARTER
No.

CHRIS
And how do I know you're telling me the
truth.

CARTER
I've got impetigo.

CHRIS
 What?

CARTER
Impetigo. It's a skin condition. I'm
covered in it. From here to here...

CARTER gestures from his chest to his feet.

CARTER
Red raw. Scabs. Under my arms. Arse
crack. All over my balls. Have a look
if you don't believe me.

CHRIS studies him.

CARTER
Ask my aunt. She'll tell you.

CARTER looks back at ALICE and winks.

ALICE
It's true officer. He's had a
terrible time.

DOREEN
Poor lamb.

CHRIS'S radio crackles.

RADIO
727. Are you available to go to
disturbance at The Manchester.
Possible affray...

CHRIS
Right. Ok. Well if you hear
anything...

He leaves, a little embarrassed responding to his radio.

DOREEN
Are you in trouble?

ALICE
You're not going to tie us up and have
your way with us are you?

CARTER looks at them cooly.

 CARTER
I'm looking for someone.

A pause.

CARTER
A friend.

CARTER holds out his piece of paper.

CARTER
Ambrose Chapel.

DOREEN and ALICE look at each other - a little shocked.

CARTER
You know him?

ALICE reaches for a copy of the BLACKPOOL MERCURY resting on the

counter. She holds it up.

Close on an article headline - 'Missing Pets - Questions Remain'

There are two photos. A missing-poster of a Collie dog and the
shop front of 'Animal Magic'.

The paper is lowered to reveal:

CUT TO:

EXT. ANIMAL MAGIC - DAY 1

A garish illuminated sign spells out 'Animal Magic' in little

white light bulbs. Beneath it a smaller sign suddenly flashes
on. Some of the bulbs are missing. It reads 'by Abro-e Cha--el'.

Pull out to reveal CARTER standing there, paper in hand. The

sounds of the seafront around him. He steels himself.

Come down on an exotic, if slightly-faded, window display

featuring a stuffed cat on its hind legs.

The cat sports a blonde wig, rouged lips and tight gold hot-pants.
It revolves jerkily on a turntable. One of its paws is held with
an elastic band to a steel pole. Kylie's 'Spinnin' Around'
echoes through a tinny speaker.

CUT TO:
INT. SINS NIGHTCLUB- CORRIDOR - DAY 1

A pair of four-inch heels clicking down a concrete labyrinthine

corridor.

CONNIE WOOLF, just forty, made up like a glamour model, Gucci

sunglasses perched on her coiffured head. She wears a low cut
top barely concealing her prominent bosom and a tight
micro-skirt.

She is seething.

In her hand is a copy of the Blackpool Mercury open at the piece

on Sins Nightclub.

She turns a corner almost knocking over a BARMAN carrying a crate

of beer.

She thrusts open a door and struts in.

CUT TO:

INT. SINS NIGHTCLUB- OFFICE - DAY 1

Cheap pine panelling, like a 5-dollar sauna. No windows.

Muffled thump of distant club music.

With one hand RUBY WOOLF is painting her toe-nails gold. With
her other she is flicking through the photos on her mobile phone.

Two huge ALSATIONS sit at her feet eating doughnuts from a

porcelain fruit dish.

CONNIE thrusts the Blackpool Mercury at Shirley.

CONNIE
Fucking little fuck of a fucking shit
two bit rag. Have you seen this?

RUBY and SHIRLEY exchange a look.

SHIRLEY
(to CONNIE)
Look. Calm down.

CONNIE
Calm down - ?
 SHIRLEY
It means nothing.

CONNIE
It's not your fanny spread across the
centre pages. Every crease and spot
and stray hair on view.

SHIRLEY
I'll find out who did it. I'll crucify
them.

CONNIE
You know who did it. I've been
humiliated and you don't fucking
care.

SHIRLEY comes up behind her, tender and placatory.

SHIRLEY
Of course I care.

CONNIE
Then what are you going to do about it?

SHIRLEY
I told you. I'll sort it out.

CONNIE
Yada yada yada. I've heard it all
before.

CONNIE refuses to soften, turns and sits down at her desk, still
in a state of umbrage.

RUBY holds up her phone for CONNIE and SHIRLEY to see. A photo
of CHRIS CHURCH grinning inanely at the lens.

RUBY
What do you think?

CONNIE starts to go through her paperwork.

RUBY
He's called Chris. He's taking me to
St. Annes for a Thai.

CONNIE
Not tonight he's not. We need you.
CONNIE furiously impales invoices on a spike.

SHIRLEY moves behind CONNIE and starts to kiss her neck. At

first CONNIE resists but then she seems to soften.

RUBY turns to SHIRLEY.

RUBY
(protesting)
Ahhh! It's my night off.

CONNIE
We're too busy. Your dad's playing
poker. I'll be in the VIP lounge.
We've got Emmerdale coming.

One of the ALSATIONS starts licking the polish off RUBY'S toes
which she fails to notice.

RUBY
Dad... tell her ...

SHIRLEY tries to lighten the atmosphere.

SHIRLEY
Get the lad to come here.

Introduce him to the Dingles.

RUBY
But I think he's going to propose.

CONNIE
Fifth one this year.

RUBY
He's bought me a ring. I found a
receipt. I was going through his
pockets.

CONNIE
Well that's very touching. But you're
not having the night off.

SHIRLEY
Your mum needs you here.
Sulkily, and half-unconsciously, RUBY grabs a half-eaten
doughnut out of one of the dog's mouths and starts munching on
it.

RUBY
My mum's dead.

CONNIE
Old news love.

CONNIE resumes her paperwork. LIAM enters holding IDI'S

struggling cat.

LIAM
Alright.

They all look at him.

SHIRLEY
What the fuck's that?

LIAM
It's Idi's. He's skint. He's given
me this as collateral.

SHIRLEY
You what?

LIAM
Collateral. You know ... if he
doesn't pay...

SHIRLEY stares at him.

LIAM
You can keep it.

SHIRLEY
I don't want it. What I wanted was a
grand.

LIAM
Relax. Chill. You'll have the
dollars next week.

LIAM hands the cat to SHIRLEY. SHIRLEY slaps it out of LIAM'S

hands. The animal flies across the room and lands on CONNIE'S
spike with a terrified mew. It expires.
 CONNIE
Jesus Shirley!

She looks down at her cream-coloured skirt.

CONNIE
I've just had this dry-cleaned.

RUBY prods at the limp form of the cat with an emery board. LIAM
looks on aghast.

LIAM
You've killed it!

SHIRLEY stares at LIAM.

LIAM
What am I going to tell Idi?

SHIRLEY
To pay up. You fucking fat little
prick. Go back. Get that money.

LIAM
No.

SHIRLEY
You what?

LIAM
I'm not going. I'm striking out on my
own.

LIAM hesitates.

LIAM
I'm going to manage a band.

RUBY starts to laugh.

LIAM
I mean it. I've got talent. I can take
it to the top.

SHIRLEY
Oh yeah? And who's going to back you?

LIAM whacks down a big envelope of money on the desk.

 LIAM
Mercy...

RUBY stops laughing. CONNIE stares at the money. SHIRLEY stares

at LIAM, truly shocked.

CUT TO:

INT. ANIMAL MAGIC/ CORRIDOR - DAY 1

CARTER KRANTZ makes his way cautiously down a gloomy corridor.

A strip light above him flickers on and off.

He pauses in front of an exhibit. A LARGE COCKEREL dressed as

Jerry Lee Lewis. It has been posed before a model piano, with
one claw perched on the keyboard. A peeling dynalabel reads
'Rock-a-doodle doo: Jerry Lee Lewis 1958'

CARTER walks on. The sound of a drill begins, maybe from the next
building. CARTER starts at it. He flicks a nervous glance over
his shoulder. Apprehensively he proceeds.

Another exhibit: draped in flamboyantly silky fabric, with a

backcombed frightwig - a LARGE DUCK. The label reads: 'A Bird
in the Bush: Miss Kate Bush 1977'

And then the third. A HUGE BLACK OWL, draped in cheap bling,
with a white headband and a white vest. The label reads 'Gangster
Raptor - 50 Cent, 2004'

In the bottom right hand corner of each case is a yellowed piece

of paper carrying the extravagant signature of Ambrose Chapfel.

AMBROSE
(OOV)
We're closing. The gallery will
reopen at ten fifteen.

CARTER jumps.

AMBROSE CHAPFEL appears. Late thirties - immaculately dressed

in a neat smock, from which peeks a naval sweater and paisley
cravat. He is beanpole thin, with sculpted white blond hair and
an Amish-style beard.

CARTER
Sign says open.
CARTER doesn't move. He peers at the Gangster Raptor exhibit.

CARTER
Very impressive. Looks like it's
breathing.

AMBROSE
Thank you. Now if you don't mind.

CARTER
I'm a collector myself. Nothing like
this though. It's like the fucking
Uffizzi in here.

AMBROSE
It's all my own work. I have won awards.
Now really. You must go.

CARTER
I'm looking for somone. Ambrose
Chapel.

AMBROSE looks at CARTER, spots the newspaper under his arm.

AMBROSE
I am innocent of those charges. When
will you people leave me alone. A
simple taxidermist trying to practise
his craft -

CARTER looks past him. The door behind AMBROSE is opened a touch.
A glimpse of a monstrous creation - a calf's body with a poodle's
head and swan's wings. AMBROSE slams the door shut.

CARTER
You're Ambrose?

AMBROSE
(put out)
Yes...I am known.

He gestures to a faded cutting in a frame - a photo of ROLF HARRIS

kneeling down, several people huddled round, AMBROSE stands
behind. His face has been circled in crayon.

CARTER turns slowly and studies AMBROSE.

AMBROSE
Who are you? What do you want?
CARTER takes a step towards him.

CARTER
You don't recognise me?

AMBROSE
No...should I?

CARTER
I'm from London.

AMBROSE
London...

AMBROSE thinks for a moment. Something flickers across his face.

AMBROSE
I haven't been to London for years. I
am still remembered?

CARTER stares at him, trying to weigh up his words.

CARTER
Yeah.

AMBROSE flushes.

AMBROSE
It was only that one time.

Flustered, AMBROSE walks off down the corridor.

AMBROSE
(blushing)
I have to close up. It's getting
late...

CARTER
I want to talk to you.

AMBROSE
I...don't know...I'm terribly
busy...my creation...I have to finish
the exhibit...

AMBROSE is at the master light switches - a jerry-built box

covered in switches and masking tape.
CARTER stands uncomfortably close to him. The sound of drilling,
which has been continuous since it begun, stops abruptly.

CARTER
How about a drink?

AMBROSE hesitates.

AMBROSE
Maybe later.

CARTER looks him in the eye.

AMBROSE
Where are you staying?

CARTER
Nowhere. Hotel's full. Can't get a
room.

AMBROSE
(uncertainly)
You look tired.

CARTER
Yeah. I haven't slept a wink.

Another beat.

CARTER
I had a really bad night.

CARTER studies AMBROSE for a response.

AMBROSE
(tremulously)
Perhaps you should rest. I've a room
upstairs. We could...speak later.

AMBROSE'S hand hovers a big switch labelled 'Open/Closed'.

CARTER
Perfect.

CARTER reaches across, their faces almost touching. A loud click

as he flicks the switch for AMBROSE.

CUT TO:
EXT. ANIMAL MAGIC - DAY 1

An illuminated 'Open' sign held by a GERBIL dressed in a bikini

flickers off. Another beneath it which reads CLOSED, held by
a matching GERBIL in a male swimming thong, flickers on.

Pick up LOLA and DUDLEY SUTTON as they walk past the front of
'Animal Magic'. DUDLEY is wearing a cowboy hat, LOLA wears a
tiara with deelyboppers.

They share a massive wodge of candy-floss. They are having a

good time.

CUT TO:

EXT. ROCKSHOTZ SOUVENIR SHOP - DAY 1

They draw alongside 'Rockshotz'.

DUDLEY
(in cod Lancashire accent)
I am. I'm reet enjoying myself. I'm
having reet good time.

LOLA
(laughing)
Shhh!

DUDLEY
I am. I'm going to have a big trough
of fish and chips. Fish and chips
washed down with black pudding. Do
you not fancy a lovely bit of black
pudding?

LOLA
No.

Laughing they stop in front of the window of Rockshotz.

DUDLEY
Let's get in there. Get some pick 'n'
mix. Or ice cream.

LOLA
Posh ice cream. With bits in.

She takes his arm and leads him inside.

 CUT TO:

INT. ROCKSHOTZ SOUVENIR SHOP - DAY 1

They separate and begin to survey the various items on the

display. A massive range of rock. Pick 'n' mix. Postcards.
DUDLEY chances stealing a penny chew from the pick and mix. LOLA
giggles.

She picks up a plastic bum and holds it up to her face. DUDLEY

laughs. She puts the bum down. They continue to explore the
displays.

The sound of a distant roll of thunder.

DUDLEY finds a unit full of novelty rock. Amongst the more

innocuous items there are pink sugar lollies shaped like penises.
He turns to LOLA.

DUDLEY
See anything you like?

LOLA jumps a little, she seems a touch flustered.

LOLA
Not really.

DUDLEY looks up to see what LOLA was looking at so intently: a

garish box with the words "What she wants" stamped across it.
The see-through panel reveals a massive ultra-realistic black
12" dildo.

LOLA
(embarrassed)
I'm going to pay for this.

DUDLEY
Is that all you want?

She walks to the counter, postcards in hand.

DUDLEY, troubled follows her.

DUDLEY
Anything you want you can have it.

LOLA
I'm fine with these.
She holds up three traditional saucy postcards.

LOLA
Three for a pound.

She starts to pay PATTI for the cards.

DUDLEY looks back at the dildo in the box, perturbed.

CUT TO:

EXT. SINS NIGHTCLUB - EVENING 1

SHIRLEY and LIAM burst out of a fire-exit followed by CONNIE and

RUBY. LIAM is carrying IDI'S cat. RUBY is texting as she walks.
Thunder rolls.

SHIRLEY and LIAM head towards SHIRLEY'S big open-topped Mercedes

300 SEL. They are outside Sin's nightclub. There are billing
posters advertising future attractions.

CONNIE
(to SHIRLEY)
You're playing right into Mercy's
hands.

SHIRLEY
You think I'm that stupid?

SHIRLEY reaches the car, glances back at CONNIE.

SHIRLEY
There are rules. They've been broken.

LIAM
It's my life Dad.

RUBY mimics him cruelly.

RUBY
Mmr mmr mmr mmr mmr...

SHIRLEY wrenches the car door open.

SHIRLEY
Get in the car.

They climb in. SHIRLEY revs the engine.

 CONNIE
Shirley...

SHIRLEY looks at her. She hesitates, realises she can't stop

him.

CONNIE
Watch yourself.

A squeal of tyres and the car speeds off.

CONNIE
(calling after)
I love you.

SHIRLEY hasn't heard her. A flicker of fear in her eyes.

RUBY holds up her phone triumphantly.

RUBY
Result! He's coming.

CONNIE
Who?

RUBY
My boyfriend. He's gorgeous, hung
like a shire-horse.

CONNIE
You'd better get on that door.

RUBY
Do I look fat in this?

A small roll of fat bulges alarmingly between RUBY'S crop top

and a too-tight skirt. CONNIE exhales a mouthful of smoke, eyes
fixed firmly on the receding car.

CONNIE
(cooly)
No love. You're fine.

CUT TO:

INT. ANIMAL MAGIC- BATHROOM - EVENING 1

CARTER'S POV: his own reflection in a decayed mirror as he
splashes water on his face. He stares into his own eyes, haggard,
exhausted.

He takes in the key around his neck, notices the blood on the
fob. He wipes it off with his thumb.

He glances around the bathroom - cramped, ancient and Victorian,

almost institutional.

He takes in a shelf upon which there is an old-fashioned powdered

toothpaste and a pink Phillips Ladyshave.

CUT TO:

INT. ANIMAL MAGIC- LANDING - EVENING 1

CARTER'S POV: The back of AMBROSE'S head and shoulders walking

ahead of him down a dingy upstairs landing. Floorboards creaking
underfoot.

CARTER glances through an open door as he passes. Piled-up boxes

and rubbish in a darkened room.

AMBROSE
I live alone here. Quite alone.

CUT TO:

INT. ANIMAL MAGIC- BEDROOM - EVENING 1

A bare bulb flicks on revealing a spartan bedroom with a single

bed with a chocolate covered blanket bang in the middle of the
room. AMBROSE and CARTER stand in the doorway.

AMBROSE
You may rest here.

CARTER studies AMBROSE.

AMBROSE
(slightly panicked)
I must finish my exhibit...excuse me.

AMBROSE leaves, shutting the door behind him.

CARTER waits for a second listening to the receding footsteps,
then with a sudden urgency he starts to look around.

CARTER opens the wardrobe in the corner of the room. Inside are
two hangers: one is empty, the other has a v-neck jumper.

He goes to a chest of drawers. He opens one drawer. There is

a single pair of turquoise underpants. He opens another and
finds a single dog lead attached to an empty collar.

Frustrated, CARTER looks around the room then slumps down on

AMBROSE'S lonely bed.

CUT TO:

EXT. SEAFRONT - EVENING 1

A gang of LADS on a stag are crossing in front of the traffic,

plastic tits tied round their chests, beer bottles in hand. They
chant and cheer lasciviously. One of them rides an inflatable
penis like a hobby horse.

LOLA and DUDLEY walk through this crowd slightly uneasily but
trying to maintain a front.

DUDLEY
Lively isn't it.

LOLA
Shall we ... we could go up the tower.

DUDLEY yawns in an exagerrated manner.

DUDLEY
Are you not tired?

LOLA
I'm fine.

DUDLEY
Must be the sea air. I'm just about
ready for bed.

They pass the top of an alleyway.

A fleeting glimpse of TRIXIE her skirt pulled up, eyes cast

heavenward, receiving it from a large gentleman. She grunts like
a pig.
 LOLA
Walk on the beach?

DUDLEY looks at her and takes her hand.

DUDLEY
(nervous)
Let's go back.

SHIRLEY'S car passes them and screeches to a halt.

CUT TO:

EXT. MERCY'S LAPDANCING CLUB - EVENING 1

SHIRLEY pushes his way towards the entrance of MERCY'S followed

by a nervous LIAM.

The BOUNCERS part respectfully, opening the door for him.

CUT TO:

INT. MERCY'S LAPDANCING CLUB - EVENING 1

SHIRLEY pushes through the CROWD still followed by LIAM.

Close on a pair of bare girl's feet, her toe-nails are painted

immaculately with sparkly green nail-polish.

Reveal VIENNA KEEN - the fawn-like beauty already glimpsed on

the MAYOR'S poster - as she crosses the room in costume.

VIENNA
(to LIAM)
Hiyah chuck.

LIAM too nervous to respond, smiles weakly. SHIRLEY is scanning

the room.

VIENNA
Mr Woolf?

He flicks his eyes over Vienna.

VIENNA
They dealing you in tonight?

SHIRLEY
 What's it to you?

SHIRLEY is wary - all too aware of her near-nakedness. VIENNA

moves a little closer.

VIENNA
I like to watch. Remember?

SHIRLEY
Where's Mercy?

Suddenly a chirpy obsequious-seeming Chinese man - BRYAN appears

at SHIRLEY'S side.

BRYAN
Mr Shirley. You are very very welcome.
You want nice table by bar.

SHIRLEY
No I don't want a fucking table. I
want to see Mercy.

BRYAN glances around awkwardly.

BRYAN
I have not seen Mercy for some days I
-

But SHIRLEY is already striding through the room, scanning the

tables. BRYAN follows trying to distract him.

BRYAN
You want free drink? You want Vienna
do dance for you? One to one, on house.
She very dirty girl...

SHIRLEY ignores BRYAN and walks on. At the back of the room,
stands the huge, bear-like shaven-headed figure of THE GREEK.

SHIRLEY
Oi. Oddbod.

The FIGURE turns.

SHIRLEY
Where's Mercy?

MERCY
(OOV)
 I'm right here.

SHIRLEY turns to see a 62 year old blonde. Though her face is

lined and wrinkled her lips are rouged. She smokes a cigarillo.
She wears the clothes of a much younger woman. She studies
SHIRLEY with slitted eyes.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL BED- DAY

FRAGMENTED IMAGES:

A HAND reaching up through the darkness.

CLOSE-UP on an ELDERLY WOMAN'S mouth.

FRANNY KRANTZ
Danger...Blackpool...Ambrose Chapel

CARTER'S gaunt, anxious face. The WOMAN'S fingers press

something into CARTER'S hand.

FRANNY KRANTZ
Take it to the beach. Throw it in the
sea.

The ELDERLY WOMAN vomits a quantity of blood.

FRANNY KRANTZ
Don't let them have it...

INT. FRANCIS KRANTZ'S BATHROOM

A power-drill punches through a wooden door.

A frightened CARTER clambering out of a narrow window.

CARTER'S POV looking back: a distant silhouette in a window

watching him run.

A close-up of the rusty key in CARTER'S bloodied hand.

CUT TO:

INT. ANIMAL MAGIC- BEDROOM - NIGHT 1

CARTER wakes up with a start in Ambrose's darkened room. He's
sweating, manically reaches for his key, then freezes.

Standing over the bed is the emaciated wraith-like figure of

AMBROSE CHAPFEL, clad only in his turquoise underpants.

AMBROSE
Forgive me. It's been a long time.

AMBROSE sits on the bed. CARTER stares at him, doesn't move an

inch.

AMBROSE
I'm a little out of practice.

An uncomfortable pause.

AMBROSE
(hesitantly)
You have beautiful bones. I know
about bones. I like...bones...

Uncertainly AMBROSE places his hand - a dead weight - over

CARTER'S. Still no response.

AMBROSE
I'm sorry...I have only done this
once...you know him of course...he
was a big man...a builder...a Gooner.

Ineptly, AMBROSE attempts a seductive stroke of CARTER'S hand.

CARTER
A Gooner?

AMBROSE
He supported the Arsenal.

CARTER puts his hand over AMBROSE'S. It seems a gentle gesture.

AMBROSE responds - 15 years of celibacy about to be washed away.

But CARTER'S grip tightens a little too hard.

AMBROSE
(uneasily)
You prefer the Spurs?

CARTER'S hand tightens even more.

 AMBROSE
You're...hurting me.

Fear flickers in AMBROSE'S eyes.

AMBROSE
This is not what I like...if Bruno
told you - I...

CARTER
Who's Bruno? A fucking bear? I've
never heard of him.

AMBROSE
But...you said...

CARTER
That's not why I'm here.

AMBROSE
(horrified)
Then who are you..?

CARTER stands. He is now crushing AMBROSE'S hand. AMBROSE is

on his knees.

CARTER
Think back.

AMBROSE
I don't know...Bruno...I thought he'd
sent you...

CARTER
Franny.

AMBROSE
Fanny?

CARTER
Franny! Francis Krantz.

CARTER squeezes mercilessly.

CARTER
My mother...

AMBROSE
 I don't know her...I never touched
her.

CARTER
...last night...she gave me your
name...a moment later she was dead.

AMBROSE
(horrified)
No!

CARTER flicks open the piece of paper and shoves it in AMBROSE'S

face.

CARTER
Ambrose Chapel.

AMBROSE
No Chapfel.

CARTER
Chapel.

AMBROSE
Chapfel! Chapfel! My name is Ambrose
Chapfel!

AMBROSE points out a framed promotional photograph on the wall

of AMBROSE in his evening suit - with some of his creations. A
legend reads 'Ambrose Chapfel - Creations.'

CARTER takes this in.

AMBROSE
I don't know this women. I'm just an
innocent taxidermist...

This too sinks in. A seemingly endless pause where CARTER just
stares at AMBROSE'S frightened face.

AMBROSE
You have the wrong man.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- SEAVIEW SUITE - NIGHT 1

DUDLEY pulls the grimy bedspread back. LOLA stands nervously
on the other side of the bed.

A moment, then they begin to undress rapidly, awkwardly, both

nervous about the ensuing union.

CUT TO:

INT. MERCY'S LAPDANCING CLUB- OFFICE - NIGHT 1

CLOSE ON: a black and white monitor showing VIENNA KEEN gyrating
provocatively on a lap-dancing stage.

A huge, empty breeze-block office. Opposite the door is a a

massive metal desk with no chair. Four bright-orange plastic
primary school chairs. To one side a red-velvet chaise-longue.

The rest of the space trails off into darkness. Faintly visible
on the far wall is a large close-up photograph of a shark, it's
jaws wide open.

MERCY is wheeled in by THE GREEK, followed by SHIRLEY and a

nervous LIAM.

MERCY
Take a seat Shirley.

MERCY indicates one of the orange chairs.

SHIRLEY
I'll stand.

MERCY looks at LIAM and pats the Chaise-Longue. LIAM moves to

sit. SHIRLEY looks at him. LIAM doesn't know what to do. For
a moment he half sits/half stands - then decides to remain
upright.

MERCY
So what's the problem?

SHIRLEY
My son needs money. I'm the one that
gives it to him.

LIAM
Look, I can -

SHIRLEY
 Shut up.

LIAM
Nan was just trying -

SHIRLEY
Will you shut the fuck up!

MERCY
The boy's got talent. You can't deny
it. Just like his poor dead mother.

MERCY gestures to two large portrait photographs rendered as

oil-paintings. The first is of a rotund rosy-faced blond - Big
Soph. The second a leather cat-suited svelte brunette singer
caught dramatically mid-song. This is Lena -Liam and Ruby's
mother.

MERCY
I'm just trying to help.

SHIRLEY
Like before. Like Manchester. Three
months off his head. Every shark in
Rusholme taking a bite. He doesn't
need your help.

A moment of silence. MERCY produces a roll of money like a loaf

of bread and peels of a fifty. She gives it to LIAM.

MERCY
Why don't you go and get yourself a
Tizer.

LIAM
Smart -

SHIRLEY grabs LIAM'S wrist before he can take the money.

SHIRLEY
Wait in the car.

LIAM looks nervously at SHIRLEY. SHIRLEY'S eyes are fixed on

MERCY. LIAM exits. MERCY gives THE GREEK a nod. He leaves too,
closing the door behind him.

SHIRLEY
What you playing at?
MERCY wheels herself closer towards SHIRLEY.

MERCY
I'm disappointed Shirley.

SHIRLEY
You're disappointed?

MERCY forcefully pulls a drawer open in the desk. She removes

a large, hand-made birthday card, covered in lace and net. In
the centre is a heart-shaped photo of WILLY WOOLF and his donkey
CLARENCE. 'TO MUM' crudely written in sequins and glitter.

MERCY
Your brother's.

She reaches into the drawer and withdraws a cheap little corner
shop birthday card tailored for an elderly woman.

MERCY
Yours...

SHIRLEY is taken aback.

MERCY
Your wife's handwriting...not even a
kiss.

A pause while SHIRLEY takes this in.

SHIRLEY
Pay back.

SHIRLEY throws down the newspaper open at the article about Sins.

MERCY
How's the therapy? Any progress?

SHIRLEY
We're not going. And I wonder why.

MERCY
I did you a favour. You're not the
Relate type.

SHIRLEY
I love my wife.

MERCY
 And all those little pretties out
there?

SHIRLEY momentarily glances at VIENNA on the monitor.

MERCY
Such a waste.

SHIRLEY
Mug's game.

SHIRLEY turns and walks towards the door.

MERCY
You know she's been a naughty girl.
Going behind your back.

SHIRLEY stops and looks at her.

MERCY
She's got a buyer for the club.

SHIRLEY
Forget it.

MERCY
She was in Todmorden Tuesday. Agreed
a price.

SHIRLEY's shaken, covers.

MERCY
She wants you out of Blackpool.
(mocking)
She wants you all to herself.

SHIRLEY
We had an agreement. You went back on
it.

MERCY starts to wheel herself slowly towards SHIRLEY.

MERCY
I'm your mother. I want your
attention Shirley.

SHIRLEY
Leave it.
 MERCY
You made promises. Once it was Sunday
lunch every week...a carvery or a fish
restaurant. Then it was monthly...a
round of mini-golf or a run up to
Bispham...now it's the Trafford
Centre, Bank Holiday Monday. That's
if I'm lucky.

MERCY lays a hand over SHIRLEY'S. He withdraws his.

SHIRLEY
...I've been busy.

MERCY swivels her wheelchair towards him.

MERCY
Oh yes. Doing what? Licking that
bitch's cunt out?

MERCY throws open another drawer.

MERCY
You think you're a big man, you're
not...this is who you are.

She withdraws an ancient pair of crumpled child's Y-fronts.

Visible is a sewn in name tag reading 'Shirley Woolf'.

MERCY
Ten years old. Shitting yourself.

A pause. MERCY taps her lips.

MERCY
Make amends.

SHIRLEY stares at her. And then with a trembling hand he puts

a cross on the card.

SHIRLEY
That's all you're going to get from
me.

MERCY puts hand on SHIRLEY'S.

MERCY
Don't be so sure.
He turns to the door and walks out. MERCY stares after him.

She picks up the card - takes a long drag on her cigarillo and
then brings the burning end towards the kiss on the card, burning
a hole right through it.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- SEAVIEW SUITE- NIGHT 1

DUDLEY and LOLA are in bed. DUDLEY clumsily thrusting his

fingers in and out in between LOLA'S legs.

DUDLEY'S face wears an exaggerated theatrical rictus of pleasure.

LOLA looks uncomfortable though she tries to disguise this.

DUDLEY
Does that feel good?

LOLA
(uncertainly)
Hmmm!

DUDLEY
You like that don't you...

LOLA
Yes...
(aware of his eyes on her)
...baby...

DUDLEY
(unconvincing)
That's right baby...you like that
don't you doll...ooh baby...

He swings clumsily on top of Lola, entering her.

DUDLEY
...yeah...yeah...ride it...

In the process he jolts her head painfully into the head-board.

DUDLEY
Sorry love.

LOLA
I'm fine...carry on.
He begins to thrust with absurd vigour and enthusiasm.

DUDLEY
You like it hard baby...oh yeah...you
getting there?

LOLA
Softer.

There is no perceptible change in his stroke. However in

DUDLEY'S frenzy his foot slips off the bed and gets caught in
the orange plastic bucket. He tries to shake it off, slowing
his rhythm. Inadvertently this action pleases LOLA.

LOLA
That's it.

He continues to try and shake it off.

LOLA
That's better...that's good.

DUDLEY realises that LOLA is genuinely enjoying herself. He

continues to shake the bucket on his foot.

LOLA
Oh Dudley...Dudley...don't stop.

His foot shaking the bucket.

LOLA
Oh yes...

Suddenly the bucket flies off. It crashes into an ornament

shattering it.

DUDLEY immediately returns to his previously inept and vigorous

performance.

DUDLEY
Oh baby...you love it.

LOLA
No slower...what are you doing...no
stop it.

DUDLEY launches himself across the bed, runs across the room and
sticks the bucket on his leg and heads back to the bed.
 LOLA
What are you doing?

She sits up and looks at him. He stands naked before her - the
orange bucket on his foot.

DUDLEY
You said you liked it like that.

LOLA just stares at him.

CUT TO:

INT. ANIMAL MAGIC- BEDROOM - NIGHT 1

CARTER strides down the hallway, AMBROSE behind him.

AMBROSE
What are you doing? Where are you
going?

CARTER
Get out of my way.

AMBROSE
(tentative)
You can stay if you like.

CARTER
I don't think so.

CARTER wrenches open the door.

AMBROSE
(plaintively)
What will you do when you find this
other Ambrose...the one you want?

CARTER thinks for a moment, looks at AMBROSE, decides.

CARTER
Kill him.

CARTER exits.

CUT TO:
INT. PHONE BOX - NIGHT 1

A clap of thunder. A hand flicking through the pages of a

telephone directory. Several pages of Bs. A fleeting glimpse
of a half-page boxed entry for Bridewell Holdings. Then a page
of names beginning with C.

A finger runs down the list of names, stopping at various

Chapel's. There is no Ambrose Chapel.

CARTER looks back down at the phone book. Frustrated. He snaps

the directory shut.

CUT TO:

INT. MERCY'S LAPDANCING CLUB- BAR - NIGHT 1

CLOSE ON SHIRLEY'S face seething, pushing his way towards the

exit.

A scantily-dressed VIENNA KEEN appears, blocking his path.

VIENNA
Going so soon?

SHIRLEY tries to push past her.

VIENNA
Stay. Have a drink.

SHIRLEY
I don't think so.

He tries to pass her. She puts her hand on his arm.

VIENNA
What's the matter?

SHIRLEY just looks at her.

VIENNA
You don't look very happy.

VIENNA moves closer.

VIENNA
I could pop round. Pay you a visit.
Just like I used to.
 SHIRLEY
I don't do that any more.

VIENNA
(whispering seductively)
Don't you?

SHIRLEY hesitates for a moment, then brushes past.

VIENNA watches him go, an inscrutable expression on her face.

CUT TO:

OMITTED IS NOW SCENE 41A

EXT. MERCY'S LAPDANCING CLUB - NIGHT 1

A large black Limo pulls up. The window glides down revealing
the fat face of the MAYOR. His eyes narrow as he takes in the
palace of depravity.

Covertly, looking nervously around, BRYAN exits the club and

scurries over to the car.

THE MAYOR
(expectant)
Have you got it?

BRYAN
Mercy find out, she fucking do me in.

Again checking over his shoulder he withdraws something from his

pocket. He hands it to THE MAYOR. It is a tiny golden thong.

THE MAYOR is clearly satisfied. He allows himself a little smile.

He places the thong into a brown envelope.

THE MAYOR
You've done well BRYAN.

BRYAN
You say that but I could be in big
trouble.

BRYAN'S fingers are gripping the edge of the lowered window. THE
MAYOR lightly pats them.
 THE MAYOR
You'll be taken care of. Trust me.

The window rises. BRYAN scuttles off as the MAYOR's car pulls
away.

KEN CRYER is lurking in the shadows. He has taken a photograph

with his digital camera. We see the display: the thong being
lowered into the brown envelope.

KEN'S pleased with himself, turns to go. SHIRLEY, seething,

emerges from the club. KEN withdraws into the shadows,
frightened.

SHIRLEY glances around, gathering himself. His mobile rings.

It's CONNIE. SHIRLEY hesitates, turns off the phone.

CUT TO:

INT. SINS NIGHTCLUB FOYER - NIGHT 1

Close on CONNIE in the ticket booth, her mobile pressed against

her ear.

CONNIE
It's me ...

CONNIE hesitates, not sure what to say, catches a glimpse of RUBY

who is enthusiastically greeting CHRIS CHURCH with a snog. CHRIS
is dressed "casual smart", has made a little too much effort.

CONNIE
Ring us Shirley. I'm scared.

CUT TO:

INT. SHIRLEY'S MERCEDES - NIGHT 1

LIAM sits waiting, chewing gum, nodding to music on the stereo.

SHIRLEY rips open the door and drops down into the seat. He's
reeling. Barely able to control himself. LIAM watches him for
a moment, unsure how to respond. Then, hesitantly, he begins.

LIAM
 Now Dad. I've been thinking. I've got
it sussed. It's all sorted. The band
can wait.

SHIRLEY doesn't respond.

LIAM
(bravado)
I'll go back to Idi I'll get that
grand.

SHIRLEY stares at LIAM.

SHIRLEY
(gritted teeth)
No. We'll do it together. I'll show
you how to collect a debt.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- SEAVIEW SUITE - NIGHT 1

DUDLEY sits on the edge of the bed. He now wears a pair of boxer
shorts and a T-shirt. LOLA sits next to him - her arm draped
over his shoulder.

DUDLEY
It's hopeless...I can't do it...I
don't know how.
(stammering)
I can't fulfil your needs.

DUDLEY shakes his head.

LOLA
That's not true...you're
just...tired.

DUDLEY looks at her.

LOLA
We'll try again in the morning.

DUDLEY stands up.

LOLA
Where are you going?
 DUDLEY
I need some ice cream.

He exits slamming the door behind him. LOLA lies back, defeated.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA, KITCHEN - DAY 1

POV Inside of fridge. A lone pot of yoghurt with a blown lid.

DUDLEY shuts the fridge door and opens a nearby cupboard. He

pulls out a packet of Pop Tarts. He shuts the door, revealing
LEO FINCH standing, watching him.

LEO
Helping yourself?

He produces a can like a charity box which he shakes in DUDLEY'S

face.

DUDLEY
I haven't got anything on me.

LEO
That's alright son. Have that one on
the house.

DUDLEY
Thanks.

DUDLEY turns to go.

LEO
How's that bucket working for you?

DUDLEY
What?

LEO
The bucket.

DUDLEY is completely lost.

LEO
When it gets full, just slosh it down
the sink.
 DUDLEY
Right...I'd better get back...

DUDLEY starts to walk off down the hall.

LEO
What's the rush?

LEO follows him.

LEO
Never be afraid to keep a lady waiting.
Spend a bit of time with the lads.

DUDLEY stands for a moment, awkward.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI LA POKER ROOM - NIGHT 1

LEO pushes open a door revealing a smoked-filled room filled with

an unlikely gaggle of POKER PLAYERS.

LEO
Fancy a flutter. Poker. Five quid sit
down. You can put it on the tab.

DUDLEY
Well...my wife...

LEO turns to address the room

LEO
He wants to ask the wife.

BRADLEY
(shaking his head)
Never do that son. I'd still be
married if I'd done that.

WILLY
Treat 'em mean. Keep 'em keen.

From one corner a gnarled, crippled hand covered in burns emerges

from the shadows. It's owner's face remains hidden but we hear
a guttural grunting.

SHADOWMAN
 Hnnnnhhhh....Hnnnhhhh....

BRADLEY
Listen to Vaughan.

LEO
Are you a man or are you a mouse?

BRADLEY, LEO, WILLY, SHADOWMAN

'Ask the monkey.'

They all look at an APE COSTUME which is hanging from the wall.
DUDLEY stares into its dead black eye holes.

DUDLEY suddenly wilts, sits. LEO pats him on the back and shovels
a pile of chips (embossed with MERCY'S name) in front of him.

CUT TO:

INT. ROCKSHOTZ SOUVENIR SHOP - NIGHT 1

IDI is counting out a wad of cash onto his glass cabinet. He sings
softly to himself.

The sound of wind rattling a window.

A cat mews.

IDI glances up. A look of absolute horror floods his face.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA POKER ROOM - NIGHT 1

CLOSE ON a hand of two cards: an ace and an eight.

DUDLEY looks around the room. EVERYONE is concentrating on their

hands.

BRADLEY shoves a solitary chip across the table. It's value is

marked at one pound.

All eyes turn to the SHADOWMAN. He folds.

Next is WILLY. He has fallen asleep. LEO kicks him. WILLY wakes
with a jolt.

LEO
 The bet's a pound.

WILLY puts in his pound.

BRADLEY
Willy. You haven't even looked at
your cards.

WILLY
Don't worry about that son.

ALL EYES turn to DUDLEY. DUDLEY is sweating, racked with

indecision.

LEO
What's the matter lad. Can't make up
your mind?

DUDLEY looks up at the MONKEY COSTUME on the wall. CLOSE ON the

smile of the MONKEY face, the blank, black holes of the eyes.

DUDLEY places his pound chip with the others.

CUT TO:

EXT. SEAFRONT - NIGHT 1

CARTER walks along the desolate seafront, the turbulent expanse

of the bleak sea churning behind him.

A lone car drives past, seemingly slowing as it does so. CARTER

glances at it. He slows his pace, watching warily. The
silhouette of the driver is visible as it passes.

CARTER comes to a halt in front of the hoarding where he arrived

naked, earlier in the day. He looks around, desperate.

He looks up at the huge image of the MAYOR, staring reproachfully,

finger pointing.

CARTER's eyes move down to the other images: MERCY'S lapdancing

club, and down further to the church.

The image of the church is picked in the headlights of a passing

car.

A small caption beneath the photo reads 'Ambrose Chapel -

Blackpool's oldest place of worship.'
 CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA - SEAVIEW SUITE- NIGHT 1

LOLA SUTTON is lying on her back in her nightie, staring at the

ceiling.

She looks at the bedside travel clock, gets up, crosses the room
and opens the door a crack.

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA- POKER ROOM - NIGHT 1

CLOSE ON LEO FINCH totting up figures on a battered old

calculator.

LEO
That comes to a round three grand.

Pull out to reveal that BRADLEY and LEO now have big piles of
chips in front of them. WILLY is asleep. DUDLEY has nothing.
He is sweating profusely.

DUDLEY
I haven't got it.

LEO
House rules I'm afraid. You've got to
pay up tonight. Isn't that right
Bradley?

BRADLEY
That's how we do it up here.

SHADOWMAN
Hnnnnhhhhhhh....

DUDLEY
I've been out of work for three months.
We spent the last of it coming here.

LEO
You're in a pickle son.

WILLY
A right pickle...
DUDLEY gets up pushing his chair back.

DUDLEY
I'll...send you a cheque.

SHADOWMAN
Nuuuhhhhhhh...

Another few inches of the SHADOWMAN emerge from the shadows. The
skin of forearm is hideously burnt.

LEO
Vaughn lost last week, didn't have the
cash, still paid up.

LEO nods towards the MONKEY SUIT on the wall.

LEO
That was his forfeit.

DUDLEY
(afeared)
Well what...what do you want..?

LEO
Look son. Tell you what I'll do. I'll
wipe the debt. You can stay on a few
days. Gratis. All we want is the use
of your wife.

Shots of BRADLEY'S expectant face. Another groan from the

SHADOWMAN.

DUDLEY looks like he's in shock.

LEO
Miscellaneous services and the like.

BRADLEY
Bit of photography.

LEO
Can she dance?

CUT TO:

INT. SHANGRI-LA RECEPTION - NIGHT 1

LOLA'S naked legs descending the stairs. A hand on the bannister.
A crack of thunder. LOLA, still in just her nightie, turns around.
The door of the poker room opens. The corridor is flooded with
light.

DUDLEY emerges still in his boxer shorts and vest. He speeds

towards her in a total panic.

LOLA
Dudley..?

DUDLEY
We've got to get out of here.

LEO and the others have come out into the corridor.

LEO
You're not going anywhere son.

DUDLEY grabs LOLA'S arm and starts pulling her towards the front
door.

LOLA
What's going on...

DUDLEY
I've lost a bit of money. It's fine.
It's all under control...

LOLA
I haven't got any clothes on.

LEO
There's a tab to be cleared son. You
know what we want.

DUDLEY
You can't make me. You're a bunch of
cheats. I don't want anything to do
with this.

DUDLEY wrenches open the front door to reveal SHIRLEY WOOLF

finger poised by the bell. SHIRLEY stands there staring at them.

SHIRLEY
I hope you haven't started without me.

SHIRLEY glances down at LOLA in her short nightie.

 SHIRLEY
Who's this?

DUDLEY takes her arm.

DUDLEY
We're just leaving.

LEO
We've got a little problem. The kid
owes a bundle. He won't pay.

SHIRLEY
Oh really?

LEO
Three grand.

LOLA
Three grand!

LEO
We've come to an...arrangement.

LOLA looks at DUDLEY.

LOLA
Dudley...?

DUDLEY
I've agreed to nothing.

DUDLEY moves to go and SHIRLEY blocks his path.

SHIRLEY
Not going are you?

SHIRLEY turns to LEO.

SHIRLEY
Got their address?

LEO produces the registration book open at the SUTTON'S details,

alone on the page. The distant weeping begins from upstairs.

SHIRLEY tears off the page.

SHIRLEY
On your way then.
 (with menace)
I can always pop round some time. Pay
you a visit.

SILENCE. LIAM appears behind SHIRLEY.

LIAM
Dad. We've got a problem.

SHIRLEY looks past LIAM at the car. A dull thumping can be heard.

CUT TO:

EXT. SHANGRI-LA - NIGHT 1

SHIRLEY walks to the boot and springs it open. The bloodied and
battered body of IDI - a cat's head protruding from his mouth.
Despite his suffocating position IDI is struggling for his life.

SHIRLEY reaches in and brings out a heavy bolt remover.

Mercilessly he brings it down on IDI'S head.

DUDLEY and LOLA'S horrified faces. SHIRLEY turns, and smiles at

them, his face spattered with blood.

DUDLEY turns and looks behind him. LEO stands there looking at
him impassively. He looks down at LOLA.

LOLA'S wide-eyed face.

CUT TO:

EXT. SINS NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT 1

A hand wipes the grime from a brass plaque revealing the words
'Ambrose Chapel'.

A flash of lightning - CARTER'S face reflected in the sign.

CARTER stares at it for a moment, steps back and looks up.

PULL BACK to reveal CARTER silhouetted against an enormous

illuminated sign - twenty foot red letters against white:
'SINS'.

END OF EPISODE ONE