Untriggerable

Discover the Revolutionary Truth that Heals our World

“Jim makes the essence of awakening so simple and clear. No esoteric teachings, no
metaphysical language, no complex practices, just simple instructions that open us to the
luminous truth of our own being.”

Peter Russell, author, The Global Brain and From Science to God

JIM DREAVER
 “Jim’s compassionate and caring heart is apparent as he inspires us to look beyond
our limited self-identities and stuck places toward the timeless awareness that is our
true nature.”

John Amodeo, PhD, author, Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships

©Jim Dreaver, 2021

 For Tanya…
Through your open, passionate, and loving heart you have melted this stoic
Kiwi heart. I love you, honey…

And Adam, who on a walk one evening in our old neighborhood in West Los
Angeles, suggested I write a “bare-bones” guide to awakening to true
happiness, specifically aimed at your— the digital—generation. I love you,
son…

And to the memory of my late mother, Ella Florence Dreaver who, when
we sat on Milford Beach during a visit home, showed me that you were an
awake and aware woman who was happiest enjoying the beauty of nature,
watching the sunlight glinting on the ocean waves…
 1

“You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a
single power, a single salvation… and that is called loving. Well, then, love
your suffering. Do not resist it, do not flee from it. It is your aversion that
hurts, nothing else.”

Herman Hesse

“The mind will take you into the courtyard of the Beloved, but only the
heart will get you into the bedroom.”

Sri Ramakrishna

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will
know peace.”

Jimi Hendrix

“The chief obstacle to the fulfillment of our potential is the concept of a

‘me.’ It is nothing but a figment of the imagination created by memory and
by the social context we find ourselves in.”

Jean Klein, I Am
 1A

How Awakening Looks in Real Life

Jean Klein once gave a talk, and when he invited questions, a man, very
much identified with his ego, his “I” thought, said: “Jean, every time I see
you, you look so happy and at peace, yet I feel miserable much of the time,
full of doubts and questions. What’s the difference between us?”

Jean, very much free of his ego “I,” gazed at him in silence, then smiled
broadly. “You still take yourself to be somebody,” he said. “I don’t take
myself to be anybody.”

It’s not that Jean was “nobody.” Of course, he was “somebody”—an

accomplished teacher and author of books on awakening, a former doctor
who had fought with the French resistance during the Second World War, a
musicologist, and he had raised a family.

But he didn’t identify with any of that, as a person still identified with his
ego would. He held onto no image or idea of “self”—of this “I” that comes-
and-goes—and so there was no “one” to take things personally, to get
triggered. He lived in openness, the perfume of love was always around
him, and it was always healing, comforting, and inspiring being in his
presence…
 2

Origins of this Book

I want to thank my students or clients for giving me permission to tell their “stories,”
and especially for their realizing, finally, that they were never their “stories”—intimate,
compelling, seductive, and oh so “believable” though they may have been.
And, above all, for seeing that they were never the “story” of “I,” or “me”—the ego,
the “story-teller”—which is the shift that frees us, and awakens our true power, the
limitless abundance, peace, love, and creativity within us.
My experience with my student/clients who have awakened is why I can say that if
we follow and absorb the simple directions in this book, it is inevitable that we will
awaken to the experience of presence, love, and freedom, essentially 24/7.
But, first we have to learn to love our suffering. The mirror meditation, which is
described in detail in the Introductory Pages, is a great opportunity to look at whatever
our particular suffering is. After all, the mirror doesn’t lie, and becomes a truly loving
mirror the more we embrace, or accept our suffering.
The passage below, excerpted from End Your Story, Begin Your Life, my previous
publication, explains how to do it…

A few years after my own spiritual journey begun, I went through my first divorce. One
day my ex-wife, Briar, brought a friend with her when she came to visit. We were sitting
having tea and talking, and as I looked at Briar, I started to think about what went wrong
in our marriage. Before I knew it, I began to feel a great sadness inside me. Then tears
started to well up. Not wanting to embarrass myself in front of my ex or her friend, I
excused myself and went down the hall into the bathroom.
There I let the tears flow, all the pent-up emotion of my divorce, all the unresolved
feelings I was still struggling with inside. Remember, I was fairly new to my spiritual
journey and dealing with all kinds of inner demons. I didn’t know myself very well at all.
Anyway, as I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, tears streaming down my face, I
noticed a small card pinned to the wall next to the mirror. It was a saying of Jesus’ that I
had put there, and I read the words: “Love your energies.”
I remember blinking, unsure whether I read correctly or not. Surely Jesus hadn’t said
those words. I blinked again, wiped the tears from my eyes, and looked at the card more
closely. Sure enough, it said: “Love your enemies.”
But the real message was not lost on me. As far as I was concerned, it was a sign from
 2A

the universe, and my first reading—“Love your energies”—was the real meaning.
After all, it is the enemy we perceive living within us, our own demons, conflicted
feelings, and turbulent emotions—in short, our energies—that we must first love, else how
can we begin to love those people whom we do perceive as our enemies? How can we
truly love another if we can’t love ourselves first?
I remember smiling through my tears and saying to myself: “Hey, my sadness is one of
my energies, and so is any embarrassment I might feel around being sad. It’s time to start
loving these energies, Jim.” With that, I went back into the living room to join Briar and
her friend and to share my feelings and my insight with them…
 3

Experience Awakening Now

Since the rise of civilization, our greatest challenge has been to love one another. The
problem has always been our ego, this “me” or “I” that doesn’t trust, that defends,
justifies, attacks, and seeks approval. That gets triggered, in a word.
Only awakening to freedom from the “me” allows each of us to embody the love and
presence that heals our world.
Awakening is a simple yet profound shift in perception. It is seeing that while we have
an ego “I” and “story,” we are neither our ego, our “I” thought, nor our “story.” Why not?
Because they come and go in our awareness, yet “we”—as awareness or presence—are
always here.
As we embody this teaching—that everything between our ears comes and goes, even
the ego “I,” the thought we habitually identify with, and that we think is “us”—it turns
self-doubt, anxiety, and suffering into true joy.
This is the revolutionary truth that heals everything in our world individually, and
allows us to turn our attention outward, on the suffering around us. It is seeing into the
very source of suffering, the “I” or “me” thought, our ego, and realizing we are not that.
Most of us, no matter what our circumstances, our state of physical, financial, or social
health, can make the shift. And it takes less than a minute, making it the perfect spiritual
practice for busy people.
Best of all, there is nothing we have to “do”—no prayers, chanting, esoteric
meditations or rituals, diets, or special body practices except what I suggest here.
Awakening is all about the seeing.
The three teachings in this book all bring us to the same place—right here, now, in this
very moment—and thus help us realize the truth above.
The first teaching is the simple practice, which we “do” whenever we notice ourselves
caught up in, or identifying with thought, a “story”—the prelude to being emotionally
triggered—or are suffering in any way.1
We do the practice on our own, gazing into a mirror for about 10 minutes. Using the
simple yet empowering mantra/question “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” we
breathe, become present, and notice what’s true inwardly.
Notice how everything between our ears—thoughts, beliefs, “stories,” and the ego “I”
or “me,” the “story-teller,” along with our feelings and emotions—comes and goes, shifts
and changes. However, “we,” as the awareness experiencing everything, are always here.
1
This is just what happens when we identify with our ego—sooner or later, we get emotionally triggered. Only
awakening to true inner freedom prevents this. When there is no “me,” there is “nobody” to get triggered.
 3A

For many of us, a host of negative emotions will invariably surface as we gaze into the
mirror—self-judgment, worry, anxiety, fear, shame, self-loathing, and so on. How to deal
with them?
We simple step back behind ourselves and watch them arise and fall, as they will. After
all, as our awareness deepens, we realize that everything we can see, touch, taste, and feel
comes and goes.
Moreover, we see that the ego “I” or “me,” the “storyteller,’ the very “person” we most
intimately identify with, is itself an object that can be observed—just like any other object
passing through our awareness, such as a thought or feeling or, externally, a bird, a car, or
a person.
It, too comes and goes, yet “we,” as the awareness watching or experiencing, are
always here. As we gaze into the mirror and relax into the depths of who we are—pure,
ever-present awareness—we begin to embody the truth and power of who we really are.
Throughout our day, we can “do” the simple practice—obviously, not in front of a
mirror—as a way of seeing through our ego and its many “stories,” and coming back to
the present moment. We could call this conscious meditation if we insist on naming it.
The second teaching is when we’re emotionally reacting to someone or something, we
learn to love our triggers, to open our hearts to our inner pain. It’s showing us where
“we,” as this ego “I” or “me” who has a “story”—a judgment, an expectation, a fear, a
resentment—are not yet free.
We experience the emotion without creating any more “story” about it, watching the
coming-and-going of our ego “I” without resistance. Whatever triggered us came from our
past and was real then but is not real now. Only now—what’s happening right now—is real.
So we come back to this moment now, the third teaching, which I call the
“embodiment” mantra.
And the feeling of just being here now, with our mind empty and alert, and our heart
open, is simply the best feeling there is. When we really sink into the presence we are, it
feels like we are breathing pure oxygen. It is at once cleansing, healing, and renewing. We
feel such gratitude. We literally flow in freedom and are, at least right now, untriggerable.
Then we can use the power of our mind, our ego, to create a new, happy outcome—and
“story”—for our lives, one that will inspire others, members of our global family, and
have a positive, healing influence on them. This book is an invitation to dive into the
awakening our world sorely needs!

The “me” cannot be found. There is only now. Realizing this awakens love
and freedom.
 4

Contents

Introductory Pages

A Yosemite Vision… 10
“You are Beautiful as You Are” … 13
The Love that Heals Everything… 16
The Greatest Gift… 18
A Closer Look at the Teachings… 20
The 1st Teaching—The Simple Practice… 22
The Simple Practice—Part 2…24
The 2nd Teaching—Love our Triggers… 27
Love our Triggers—Part 2… 29
The 3rd Teaching—This Moment Now… 33
The Signs of Awakening… 34
The Form and Flow of this Book… 36

DOING THE PRACTICE—The Mirror Meditation… 37A

PART ONE: THE FIRST TEACHING—THE SIMPLE PRACTICE

Chapter One—Presence, Love, and Freedom are our True Nature… 39

1. Feeling at Ease while Living in the World… 40

2. Facing Life’s Challenges… 42
3. Two Kinds of Freedom… 43
4. The Deepest Wisdom… 45
5. The Big “R” Reality… 46
6. It is What It Is… 47
7. The Lesson in Suffering… 48
8. The Buddha’s “Secret” … 49
9. The Only Thing we can “Know” for Certain… 50
10. What is Always Here… 51
11. Meditation and Mindfulness… 52
12. Noticing which “I” is Active in Us… 54
DOING THE PRACTICE—Worrying about Health, Finances, or Meeting Someone… 55

Chapter Two—The “Stories” that Get in the Way of our True Nature… 57

13. Our “Stories” … 58

14. Honoring our Emotions… 60
15. No Story, No Suffering… 62
16. Stop Believing our Thoughts… 64
17. How our Personal “Story” Began… 66
18. The Connection between Thoughts and Emotions… 68
19. Our Unconscious Thoughts and Motivations… 70
20. Envy, Greed, and Jealousy… 71
21. Guilt, Shame, and Depression… 73
22. Boredom and Regret… 75
23. Judgment and Self-Judgment… 76
24. Religious Stories… 77
25. What to Tell our Children about God… 79
26. The Difference between Pain and Suffering… 81
27. Feeling the Pain without a “Story” … 83
28. The Dark Night of the Soul… 85
29. Haunted by a Lover Who Committed Suicide… 86

DOING THE PRACTICE—Feeling Guilt, Shame, or Actual Physical Pain… 88

Chapter Three—Seeing through our “Stories” … 89

30. The Simple Practice Revisited… 90

31. Love our Triggers Revisited… 93
32. Love our Triggers—Part 2… 95
33. This Moment Now Revisited … 97
34. Stopping the Mind vs. Stepping Back from It… 98
35. Seeing our Mind as a Virtual Reality… 100
36. Welcoming Anger as a Path to Freedom… 101
37. Residues of Old Ego Patterns… 103
38. The True Letting Go… 105
39. Being Present in this Moment… 107
 40. Zeroing in on the “Story” behind the Emotion… 109
41. Shifting from Intellectual Understanding to Felt Experience… 111
42. Releasing our Need to Understand… 112
43. Freeing ourselves from Fear… 113
44. Realizing that We are the Seeing… 115

DOING THE PRACTICE—Releasing Real or Imagined Fear… 117

The First Relationship Practice— The Mirror Meditation Revisited… 118

PART TWO: THE SECOND TEACHING— LOVE OUR TRIGGERS

Chapter Four—Healing the Wounds of our Past… 121

45. Love is the Healer… 122

46. The Mother/Father Wound… 124
47. My Wounding… 125
48. Embodying our Realization in the Heart… 127
49. Healing the Mother/Father Wound… 129
50. Forgiveness… 130
51. Getting Angry with an Ex… 132
52. The Root of Addiction… 134
53. The Victim Story… 136
54. An Example of a Victim Story… 138
55. Ending Self-Doubt and Self-Esteem Issues… 139
56. Be Easy on Ourselves… 141
57. Love is What We Are… 143
58. The Gift of a Broken Heart… 144
59. True Romantic Love… 145
60. A Woman who wanted to Open her Heart… 147

DOING THE PRACTICE—Making Peace with our Past… 149

Chapter Five—Deepening our Experience of the Present Moment… 150

61. Inner Vigilance… 151

62. A Rigorous Self-Honesty… 152
 63. DIWA—Don’t Identify with Anything…153
64. Revisiting the Liberation Mantra… 155
65. Mastering the Practice… 156
66. The Student and the Teacher… 158
67. Being Conscious of What We’re Doing… 159
68. Embodiment, or Staying Calm Amidst Chaos… 160
69. Let Go of our Attachment to Feeling Good… 162
70. The Final Freedom… 163
71. Living without a “Self” Image… 165
72. Who are We without our Story?... 166
73. There is Only One Rule… 167
74. The Silence that is our True Nature… 168
75. When Silence is Used as an Escape… 170
76. Ending the Mind’s Chatter… 172

DOING THE PRACTICE—Mastering the Shift… 174

The Second Relationship Practice—Connecting with Someone Close… 175

PART THREE: THE THIRD TEACHING—THIS MOMENT NOW

Chapter Six—Embodying our Realization in Daily Life… 178

77. Dancing with Desire… 179

78. Will and Willpower… 180
79. Ambition and Success… 181
80. The Power of Thought… 182
81. Awakened Intention… 184
82. Pay Attention to the Signs… 186
83. Don’t Wobble… 187
84. Experiencing Freedom around Money… 188
85. Being at Peace with our Work… 190
86. When Someone Cuts Us Off on the Freeway… 191
87. Waking at Three or Four in the Morning… 192
88. Watching the News… 194
89. Solving Problems… 196
90. Choices and Decisions… 198
 91. Awakened Leadership… 199
92. Conflict and War… 200
93. Facing the End of Life… 202
94. From “Self”-Loathing to “Self” Loving… 204

DOING THE PRACTICE—Thinking about Something our Heart Desires… 206

Chapter Seven—Shining our Light in our World… 207

95. Knowing we’re Awake and Free… 208

96. Grace and Gratitude… 210
97. Faith and Trust… 212
98. One Moment at a Time… 214
99. The Time is Always Now… 215
100. When We Forget the Now… 216
101. Timing… 217
102. Live our Understanding… 218
103. True Surrender… 219
104. We Are the Universe… 221
105. The Proof that We’re Free… 223
106. A Reverence for Life… 225
107. Sharing the Message with Others… 226
108. Love Will Guide Us… 228

DOING THE PRACTICE—Living our True Purpose… 230

The Third Relationship Practice—Connecting with our World… 231

Appendix: The 21-Day Awakening Challenge… 232

A Closing Message… 236

Acknowledgments…237
About Jim… 239
 9

Introductory Pages
 10

A Yosemite Vision

To begin, I want to tell a true story. In 1982, when I was 36, my then girlfriend,
Barbara, who later became my wife and the mother of our son, Adam, and I made a
summer’s trip to California’s Yosemite National Park.
We stopped partway into the valley, parked, and crossed over some rocks to an island
in the middle of the stream that ran through the valley. Because of the trees and
undergrowth, it was hidden from view by motorists passing by.
There I stripped down to my undershorts, and we proceeded to ingest some psilocybin
mushrooms. This was at a time when I was exploring psychedelics as a path to higher
consciousness.2
I lay back on a patch of sand between two large, smooth boulders, and waited for the
mushrooms to come on, to work their magic. After forty minutes, they did, and what
follows is as I wrote it in The Ultimate Cure, my first book, which was published just prior
to the awakening I had been seeking for so long:

Then, strangely, the boulders turned into flesh, into the thighs of my mother, and I
realized I was experiencing the moment of my birth. I was issuing forth from my mother’s
womb, about to begin my life in the world.
I was aware of a lot of blood, sweat, and pain as I struggled for my first breath and
looked around. All I could see was a mass of suffering humanity, mirroring my own shock
at being so rudely ejected into the world—a world I suddenly wasn’t at all sure I wanted
to join.
People were crying and screaming. They were fighting with each other, desperate in
their need to find a place where they belonged, where they could be themselves, where
they could find peace. They were making a horrible clamor and were locked in a conflict
that showed no signs of ceasing.
The more I looked, the worse the noise and distress became. That was enough for me. I
staggered to my feet, through the mess of blood and afterbirth.
“Where are you going?” I heard my mother call softly.
“I can’t stand all this pain and confusion!” I cried. “I’ve got to get away!”
“No!” she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me back. “That’s why I brought you

2
Eventually I discovered that there was a limit to psychedelics, and the experience they gave, and I stopped using
them. An awakening that depends on anything—a belief, a “story,” a circumstance, or a mind-altering drug—is
not true awakening. Nevertheless, psychedelics were a powerful teacher for me at the time.
here. To help clean it up.”
I stopped, looked up at the ancient cliffs towering above the side of the valley.
Something caught my eye. There, high up on a precipice above the pandemonium around
me, was the figure of a Zen monk, sitting quietly in serene meditation.
“That’s where I want to be. Up there!”
I pointed to the monk. My mother relaxed her grip. I started to move toward the base of
the cliff. Then, as if by magic, the din around me stopped for a moment. The monk seemed
to turn my way, and though he was too far off for me to be sure, I swore he smiled. His
voice echoed clearly inside my head.
“There’s only room for one of us up here, boy.”
I sat down, buried my head in my hands. An enormous sadness overtook me. I felt
hopeless, helpless. Then I felt my mother’s loving arms encircle me…

Many, many years have passed since that experience, and for much of that time I found
myself caught between two worlds—that of the detached Zen monk, living on the
mountain-top absorbed in his own bliss, and that of the engaged, busy marketplace with all
its messiness and confusion. It resulted in much personal stress and conflict!
But finally, I found what I had been seeking my whole life. I awakened to the truth of
my being and discovered for myself—as so many others have—the key to healing our
individual and collective mental, emotional, and spiritual wounds.
Awakening is shift in perception, in the way we see. It happens when we realize that
we are not our ego’s voice, this “I” with its many “stories” and related emotional dramas,
along with its focus on “past” and “future,” but rather pure, universal consciousness itself.
We are awareness itself, the space in which our thoughts, beliefs, “stories,” and images
arise. We are the ocean, manifesting in these seemingly separate, beautiful, loving, and
somewhat imperfect human wave-forms.
I say, “seemingly separate” because during those times when we abide in the pure
awakened state, we feel no separation, only the oneness of all living things, and a sense of
love and kinship for them. We feel ourselves belonging to one vast, global human family,
with the shared goal of helping each other be and do our best.
When awakening to inner freedom becomes the default stance of a critical mass of
humanity, then global healing will be a reality. This book, through the simple practice,
provides a clear and direct map of how to awaken.
As we absorb the message in these pages, we will reap many benefits, including:

• Ending virtually all the emotional stress, suffering, and unwanted “drama” in our
life, and relax more fully into the peace and flow of our true nature. (As for any
emotional residue that remains, we realize we can trust ourselves to handle it).
 • Enjoying an inner peace that does not depend on beliefs or circumstances, because
now we know that while we have a mind, ego, an “I” thought, “stories,” and emotions,
we are not any of these phenomena which come and go, shift and change. Rather, we are
the changeless awareness or consciousness that is always here.

• Experiencing ourselves as the changeless frees us from all “self” images and
ideas, so we don’t take things personally anymore. Total “self” acceptance arises,
in other words, when we realize there is no “self”—that the entire world between
our ears is an illusion. There is tremendous freedom and healing in this.

• Living with an openness to everyone and everything as our authentic self, fearless
and free in the face of events and circumstances.

• Feeling ageless, even as our body grows older every year—most of the time,
anyway. (I remember experiencing some strong ego residues—the ego’s “stories”
about getting “old”—when I turned 70!)

• Discovering our unique purpose for being here and empower us with the
realization that we have everything needed to fulfill it.

• Addressing the opportunities, problems, challenges, and crises in our lives from a
place of clarity and equanimity, guided by our deepest love and wisdom.

• Using the infinite creative power of our mind, of thought and intention—which is
our true voice, our true power, underneath the ego’s clamoring—to accomplish
our dreams and goals and make our world a better place.

• Fully comprehending that this moment, right here and right now, is all that is ever
real—and thus our sense of aliveness, meaning, and purpose comes from this
moment now. Then we have beautiful new “stories” to share with others.

• Finally, we’ll begin to share the love and freedom we now experience with others,
knowing that when people care about each other, it inevitably results in a more
peaceful, harmonious, and thriving world—and more of the feeling of being a true
global family.3

3
I might add that while we may also enjoy a certain egoic satisfaction in knowing that we’ve had the big realization,
we learn, as with any egoic accomplishment, to let go of that and come back to simply being present here and now…
 13

“You are Beautiful as You Are”

Ever since I first tasted enlightenment—or awakening, as I prefer to call it4—one

summer’s morning in northern California in 1977, at the age of 31, I was hooked.
As I woke up from sleep, the first thing I noticed was the dust motes dancing in the
sunlight coming through a chink in the Venetian blinds. Then I heard a mourning dove call
outside, and suddenly everything dropped away from my mind, and I experienced the most
extraordinary state of clarity, peace, and oneness with everything I had ever known.
As I lay there, the thought came to me: “So this is what all these teachers are talking
about. There is nothing to seek. It’s all right here, now…” And the strange thing was that it
was not an entirely unfamiliar feeling. I had touched it at moments throughout my life.
This time it was just more profound, a true coming home to myself.
It felt as if a hole had been punctured in my normal, egoic consciousness, and I was
seeing from the absolute Reality behind the relative, ever-changing “reality” of ordinary,
daily life. And I knew that somehow, I was that Reality—that the happiness, contentment,
and sense of love for everything I experienced was my true nature.
The result of that summer’s morning was that I spent the next eighteen years learning
how to live in the awakened “state” all the time. It became the central theme of my
existence, even as I lived, outwardly, a normal life in the world.
Then, seven years after that first taste, in the fall of 1984, I met Jean Klein, a
European spiritual master in the nondual tradition. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was
his guidance and example that would finally allow me to see through the whole fiction of
the world inside my head, the world with which I still identified, that I thought was “me
and my story.”
Soon after meeting Jean at a public dialogue he was offering, I attended a workshop
with him in Santa Rosa, California. During the workshop, I asked for a private meeting
and when I knocked on the door of his room, he welcomed me in.
We stood in silence for a few minutes, and then I began to launch into a summing up
of what I thought I needed to do to change my life. I told him I needed to leave my wife
and newborn son, find a doctor to take over my chiropractic practice, and go on retreat
somewhere.

4
The word “enlightenment” carries too much baggage, too many “stories” that have been gathered since the time
of the Buddha, as in “My guru is more enlightened than yours,” or “When you’re truly enlightened, you can walk
through walls,” or “Enlightenment brings all knowledge to you—including calculus, microbiology, languages, etc.”
Obviously, these are just “stories,” myths. The only gift that enlightenment brings is freedom from the “me,” inner
peace, and a contentment that doesn’t depend on circumstances—which makes any learning we then undergo in
our daily life a lot easier and more enjoyable!
 Then, free of worldly demands, I could do the meditation and self-inquiry that would
move me closer to the enlightenment I sought.
All the while I spoke, he looked at me steadily, his blue eyes twinkling.
“Don’t change anything,” he said finally, in his thick accent. “You are beautiful as
you are. Just be who you are.”
I gazed at him in stunned silence. I was beautiful as I was? No one had ever told me
that, and certainly I had never thought it. In fact I had all kinds of negative judgments
about myself—“stories,” in the language of this book—and Jean had clearly seen that.
But that day, and that meeting, marked the beginning of a new journey, and I began
to judge myself less and less, and accept myself more and more. It paved the way for the
eventual awakening, eleven years later, to my true nature.
I describe this event—without doubt the most significant in my life—and what led up
to it in detail in End Your Story, Begin Your Life. However, I will relate here the short
version of what happened.
I awoke one morning in the spring of 1995 feeling depressed because of my
challenging financial circumstances at the time. I was triggered, in other words.
At first there was a moment’s resistance. “Oh, not this again… I thought I was done
with depression…” I said to myself. But then I welcomed it, as Jean had taught me,
because it was showing me where I was not yet free.
I was about to get out of bed and go and meditate, because I knew meditation would
clear the depressed energy. Meditation was my main spiritual practice. Ever since I’d
been seeking the truth, I’d meditated most days.
But this morning, something compelled me to stay in bed. I remembered something
that Jean had said: “Find out who you really are, and you’ll be free.”
Suddenly, there was an urgency to know who I was. It felt as if my life was on the
line. I’d done self-inquiry many times before, but this time my question—the “big”
question as I call it—had an immediacy to it.
“Who is this “me” that feels depressed?” I asked myself.
Then I looked everywhere inside my psyche, but I couldn’t find it. Then a profound
realization dawned on me.
The “me,” the “I,” this ego character known as “Jim Dreaver” didn’t exist, except as
a concept that came and went in my mind and body. Yet I had been taking myself to be
my “I” thought, my ego, along with my personal, emotional history, ever since I was a
little kid!
When I saw that “I,” as the awareness or conscious looking for this little “me” that I
couldn’t find was still very much here, I was propelled into a new sense of freedom in
the present moment. With no “story” about “my challenging financial circumstances” to
fuel it, the depression dissolved, and I got up out of bed and went happily about my day.
 The same thing happened the next two mornings in a row. I would wake up feeling
depressed, ask myself the same question, and come to the same clear seeing—that “I,” as
an ego concept, came and went, but “I,” as awareness, was always here, and always free.
After that third morning’s realization, my seeking came to an end. I had gone through
the shift in perception that is awakening. I now knew myself as pure awareness,
existence, or beingness—the space in which everything between my ears arose and
disappeared—expressing in this body, mind, and personality known as “me.”
Ever since then, I’ve experienced an inner peace and happiness, and an absence of
suffering, which has never left me, except for brief, occasional moments of ego reaction,
old patterns of behavior related to my conditioning. Jean Klein called these “residues,”
and we’ll read about them in Chapter Three.
It took me twenty years to go from being fully identified with my ego, to being largely
free of it—as free as we can be and still be in a human body. Then it has taken me another
twenty-five years, up to the present moment, to learn to embody the love and freedom that
I am in all my relationships. And, of course, I’m still learning
By reading this book and diligently working with the simple practice every day, it
should take most of us less than a year—for those with emotionally really traumatic or
abusive childhoods, it may take longer—to awaken fully to the truth within us.
This is less time than an undergraduate degree, way less expensive (the cost of this
book!), and the sheer joy of being awake and free lasts a lifetime.
And by “awaken fully” I mean that we’ll be free of this ego “self” we were so
identified with before, along with its emotional reactions, all its ups and downs. We will
know ourselves as pure awareness or consciousness (the two words mean essentially the
same thing), having the experience of this person called “us.”
We may forget our awakening at times of heightened stress or duress and get briefly
lost in some “story” with its reactive emotion. However, we will come back quickly to
realizing that this moment now—the timeless peace and love that are always here,
underneath the seeming chaos—is all there is.
After all, love and freedom are our true nature—or, as Jean Klein said to me all those
years ago: “You are beautiful as you are. Just be who you are.”

The more we taste awakening, the more we realize our purpose is to

awaken. We sense that consciousness itself—what we fundamentally are—
wants to awaken in us. This is our inner purpose.

And the more we awaken, the more we understand our functional, or outer
purpose, which is to express our creativity, our unique gifts and talents,
and to connect with others at an awakened level…
 16

The Love that Heals Everything

This book is about awakening to inner peace, happiness, and a boundless freedom and
love—the love that embraces everyone, that does not depend on beliefs, circumstances, or
conditions, but stands on its own, and illuminates and heals everything in our world.
Awakening connects us in our hearts, so the more of us that are awake and free, the
safer our world, and then we—the whole of humanity, ultimately—can truly thrive.
The book is centered around the simple practice, and the equally simple mantra “Who
is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” which brings us back to the present moment whenever
we get distracted by, identified with the coming-and-going our “I” or “me” story, or are
suffering in some way.
As we become more skilled at embodying the practice, and the mantra, it heals
everything that is broken, or not working, in our lives, and liberates our true creative joy.
Those of us who have tasted awakening know that being in the awakened space, with our
mind clear, our heart open, all our senses alert, feels best. Then, no matter what the change or
challenge confronting us, we can handle it.
However, many of us have difficulty staying there. We “lose” our awakening, invariably
because of something unexpected, and again find ourselves back in thinking, worrying, and
getting caught in various states of ego contraction and the inevitable emotional reaction.
For true awakening, which is the awakening that doesn’t come and go, we must look
inside ourselves and see what we are not in order to come to what we are. We are not our
“stories” of resentment and blame, of loss and betrayal, and of the people in our past that we
haven’t forgiven. Why not?
Because not only does everything we experience come and go—thoughts and “stories,” as
well as feelings and emotions—but our very “I” thought, our ego, the deep-rooted sense of
"self" we most personally identify with, also comes and goes. Yet we, as awareness, or
consciousness—the “seeing”—are always here, always present in this moment now.
This is the truth that must be faced again and again, until we can no longer deny it. Once
we surrender to the truth, we are free, and then everything flows pretty much effortlessly in
our lives. After all, this is the true healing—complete acceptance of what is.
When awakening happens, we appreciate the power in the words “only now is real,” a
phrase which I first came across in the writings of Barry Long, the late Australian spiritual
teacher.
We live as and from that power. We know ourselves as pure, universal consciousness or
beingness itself, the awareness that notices the coming and going of everything—including
our “name” and “self” identity—in our mind, body, and world. And the awareness that we are
this is always, and only ever, here now.
Awakening, as we will discover, heals everything in our lives: family and relationship
conflicts; work and business disputes; financial difficulties; health challenges; creativity
issues; as well any of the myriad mental and emotional upsets that can befall us.
How does it do this? In a nutshell, as we awaken to the love and freedom that we are,
we take the above problems less and less personally. After all, we’re no longer identified
with a “person,” an “I,” a “me’ which would take them “personally.”
Our mind is emptier, more alert, which allows us to have a clearer, more detached
perspective on the situation. We can then use our mind, our true voice, the voice of our
heart, to figure out the best way of addressing it—of fixing, changing, or healing it.
And if we cannot do anything about what we’re facing? Then we graciously accept
what is, because we always know that we, as consciousness, are way, way bigger than
anything—even the worst calamity—that can happen to us.
Awakening is the surest way—indeed, it is the only way—to consciously address and
resolve the many problems and challenges we face in our world. When awakened leaders
in government and business, and other people of influence, bring their attention to bear on
the issues we face, the well-being of all of us, individually and collectively, is much more
assured.
We all know what the issues are, regardless of whether we must confront them
personally or not: economic injustice, hunger, and oppression; ethnic, racial, and religious
divisiveness, as well as terrorism and war; and threats to our health, social freedoms, and
the environment.
about the gifts of patience and deep acceptance, of gratitude and listening, of love and
compassion, of wisdom and creativity.
We will write a new “story” of joy and a lightness of being, and of people world-wide
cooperating with each other to produce the most beneficial results for everyone.
This “story” is already being written, of course. Many of us are engaged in the writing
and telling of it. It is just about getting it to spread to every corner of our beautiful earth.5

When we affirm the mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” often
enough, and with a serious intensity—we really, really want to know—we
come eventually to the realization that the “me” cannot be found.

Any answer is just another “story” that comes-and-goes, yet “we,” as

luminous presence, are always here...

5
To watch a short, fascinating video by NY Times best-selling author Martha Beck on her view of how this global
transformation in consciousness gradually happens, visit www.youtube.com and type in “the pyramid and the pool.”
 18

The Greatest Gift

Underneath all our judgments, expectations, self-doubt, self-esteem issues, emotional

dramas, and self-sabotaging “stories” and behaviors we are all beautiful, open, and
aware human beings.
Awakening to the realization of this—of ourselves as pure awareness or
consciousness, expressing through these bodies, minds, and personalities called “us”—is
the greatest gift we’ll ever give ourselves. I call it “the big realization.”
Every person who has awakened—and there are more and more of us, young and old,
throughout the world waking up every day—knows this.
Why is awakening so important? Because what we awaken to is the experience of true
inner peace and freedom, of the love and happiness that don’t depend on outer
circumstances, that shine on their own. Then our lives become about sharing our freedom
with others, and being with them in a caring, healing, and inspiring way.
The first and most important step in the practice is, when we notice ourselves getting
caught up in or distracted by a thought or “story,” or are suffering in some way, to
remember to come back to the present moment.
The more present we are, then—when we look within, into our own consciousness—
the more we see the truth about our own mind. We see that our thoughts, beliefs, and
“stories” come and go, shift and change, and yet we—as the awareness that sees or
watches this process—are always here, always present.
Moreover, when we are present like this, and look for the “I” thought itself, our ego,
the “story-teller,” we see that it, too, that comes and goes. The voice we’re most
personally identified with, that we take to be “us” is a “story” too, no more real than the
“stories” it tells!
This is why the present moment is so powerful. Not only do we eventually discover
who and what we really are just by being very present to the workings of our own mind,
but we’re more conscious of everything else happening within and around us.
So yes, we have “stories,” memories about the past, and we honor them. At the same
time, we take delight in using our mind to imagine, visualize, and plan. but the fact is that
this moment now is all there actually ever is.
To realize this, and to embody the realization such that our actions are fully conscious
is what each of us is being called upon to do at any given moment.
The embodiment of awakening, we will discover, is all about being present in this
moment now. Then we can respond with wisdom and love to whatever is needed.
To help initiate the simple practice into our lives, we use the mantra, “Who is this ‘me’
that gets triggered?” which I call the liberation mantra, because of the way it frees us of
everything that binds internally and empowers us to act consciously.6
I consider this simple mantra the single most important step, intellectually, we can take
if we truly want to awaken to the beautiful, powerful people we are. And when we look
within, into our own minds, we see—sooner or later—stunning confirmation of this.
We are not any “story,” idea, image, or identity—including the ego, the “I” or “me”
thought.. We are, always have been, and always will be, this radiant awareness or
presence that is here right now, watching and enjoying the coming and going of
everything in our body/mind. And the feeling of being awake and free is always,
essentially, a oneness with the ease, harmony, and flow of life.
But it takes time, clock time, to get this, to realize who we truly are. So we remember
the mantra whenever we notice we’re getting lost in or distracted by a thought or “story,”
or are suffering some way. We can write it down on a post-it note, and stick it on our
computer, or bathroom mirror, or somewhere else obvious to remind us.
We could say that as TM is to meditation, the liberation mantra is to awakening. The
immediate effect of it is that it disrupts the “story” we normally tell ourselves. It shakes us
out of our complacency, brings us into the present, and we see everything with new eyes.
As we learn to embody the true spirit of the mantra, we become very present with
ourselves and our environment. Our mind is clear, our heart more open, and there is much
less “me” or ego “story” clouding our awareness. Then a new “story” can arise…
The practice is an updated, stream-lined version of the three-step freedom practice in
End Your Story, Begin Your Life. I will explore the teachings in depth in these
Introductory Pages, but I will say this now:
The practice gives us an almost immediate taste of the freedom, love, and creative
power of our true nature. Do it every time we get lost in or distracted by a thought,
“story,” or suffering, and it will lead to our being fully awake and free, essentially 24/7.
How will we know it is 24/7? We will look back on our experience and realize that we
are now free of suffering, because we are free of this ego voice, this “I” we “believed” we
were all these years. We now know ourselves as pure consciousness, having the
experience of “us”—our ego, our “stories,” our unique personalities—being here, now.
The practice has led us to this knowing. It has allowed us to feel ourselves as the
spacious awareness in which everything comes and goes. We are this…

6
While working as a Security Guard at the Santa Barbara Art Museum, I came up with many mantras, like “Only now
is real…” and “Everything comes and goes…” Then the Museum had an exhibit titled “Any Moment Now,” which
suggested something was about happen, and the viewer/visitor was just waiting expectantly for it. I thought to
myself, in terms of awakening, that it needs to be this moment now. After all, there is only ever this moment now—
and we need to be reminded of that whenever we start to get distracted by the ego’s “story” inside our head. So
“This moment now…” is the perfect embodiment mantra…
 20

A Closer Look at the Teachings

Awakening is nondual, which I define as there being no difference between the

material and spiritual dimensions of life, and reality is right here, now.
At the same time, however, awakening embraces and flows with the duality of our
moment-by-moment experience—light and dark, up and down, right and wrong, good and
bad, and masculine and feminine.
Duality exists, lives, and plays itself out in the vastness of our true nondual nature, in
other words. This duality, in Eastern spiritual traditions, is known as lila, or “God’s play.”
When we are truly present with another person, embodying the liberation mantra, we
have no “story”—no agenda, no belief, no judgment or expectation—in the way. Our
hearts are just open to them, in pure listening, ready for whatever’s next.
When I invite people to experience the first teaching, the simple practice, I encourage
them to breathe, feel their feet on the ground, be fully present, and then look within. I want
them to begin seeing how their thoughts and “stories,” as well as their feelings and
emotions, come and go, shift and change, but they—as awareness or consciousness, the
seeing—are always here.
But when I suggest they just watch their “stories” coming and going, many people
experience resistance to it. They get very attached to, or identified with, their “stories.”
“But I like my story… I don’t want to give it up,” they will say. Or, maybe they will
say: “Can’t I just change my story, create a new one?”
With the first question, what people are really saying is that they like their
circumstances, and their “story” is just the description of what they like. When I point out
this distinction to them, they get it.
In the case of the second question, I simply remind them that even the even the
statement, “Can’t I just change my story?” is a “story.” The more they see that and realize
that this “I” who wants things to be different is the real issue—it is still their ego “I” or
“me”—the freer they will be.
Then they will be in a place of more authentic power, where they will be able to create
whatever their heart really wants—which, of course, includes a new and positive “story.”
Now our ego gets very uncomfortable with just being present, and not having a “story”
to distract itself. It gets uneasy with not identifying with anything and will raise
objections—usually very quickly in the beginning!
It takes time for most of us to learn to live without identifying or clinging to any mental
concept or understanding. Yet this is what is required for true freedom.
The good news is that every time we notice “Uh oh, I’m getting lost in a story here,”
we breathe and become present. When we see the truth that everything in our awareness
comes and goes, we taste awakening quickly.
The second teaching, love our triggers, helps us deal with our ego’s objections. We
learn to open our hearts to, or welcome, our own negative emotional triggers which we
normally resist—our worries, upsets, conflicts, and suffering.
After all, one of the main barriers between us and being free in the present is our
unhealed past—the grudges, resentments, and blaming that our ego still holds onto.
But as we revisit our emotional reactions when we’re in the awakened space, having
become present and remembered the truth that everything we experience in our body/mind
comes and goes, shifts and changes, they can be seen more clearly.
We realize that it was our ego “I” that reacted, and not the real or true “us,” the
beautiful people we are always are right now, in this very moment. This has to be seen
over and over again, until it becomes our reality.
Then our awakened self, our true “I,” can say, “Oh, now I realize how I just got
triggered—I got identified with my ego’s expectations (or whatever the trigger was).”
I address the healing of our past in depth in Chapter Four but know this right now—the
past is ultimately healed by realizing it doesn’t exist, except in our imagination. It was real
when it happened, but it is not real now. Only this moment now—you, sitting, standing, or
lying down reading this—is real now.
. This is the truth we eventually awaken to, that liberates us effectively forever from
suffering—that our ego “I” is not real, and never was. Yet we, as the changeless
awareness, as the perceiving of all that arises in our body/mind, are very much here.
The more we realize this, the more our mind clears, our heart opens, and we turn our
attention to our outer world, and begin to find our way of loving and serving others.
This when the third teaching, this moment now, begins to be realized. The freer we are
of our “story” about ourselves—the judgments and criticisms we once had—the more that
freedom flows out to others, and we see their innate beauty as a reflection of our own.
They are us in their essence, in other words, and so it is much easier to love them, and
find our way of serving, of contributing to the greater good—which is to live our true
purpose.
Because we still have an ego, there can be moments of forgetting the truth we have
awakened to, where we go unconscious, or be unkind. When this happens, we simply
remember the third teaching, which is the embodiment mantra—this moment now.

Remember, no matter what the clock says, the time is always now. When we
are present in this moment, with our hearts open and no “story,” we
connect with others in a beautiful, heartfelt way…
 22

The 1st Teaching—The Simple Practice

Most of us have a story, a narrative, a conversation inside our heads that we believe—
until we wake up to the truth within us—is who we are.
Our "story" or “self” identity—much of which is unconscious—is based upon
perceived or remembered circumstances. It produces either joy, happiness, and a sense of
being in control when things are going well, or stress, anxiety, and the feeling of being a
victim when they aren't.
Being “stuck” in or identified with our “story” results, in its more negative
manifestation, in issues of self-doubt, self-esteem, and trust. It can cause reactions such as
anger, fear, guilt, resentment, judgment, and an inability to forgive. Or envy, jealousy,
shame, and blame. Invariably, others—especially those we are close to—are still able to
push our buttons in some way.
We resist what we perceive is happening to us or around us, in other words. Or, more
correctly, the ego “I,” this “self” that we take ourselves to be, resists. It does this by getting
attached to its “story,” by identifying with or clinging to a concept or deeply-ingrained
belief about the way things are or should be.
But there is something important to take note of here: we are trying to find our identity
in something that, by its very nature, comes and goes, appears and disappears, and there is
no lasting peace or freedom in that. When things are going our way, we feel good, but
whenever the threat of change or loss occurs, we tend to get anxious, worried, fearful.
Fortunately, there is a way to shift out of this back-and-forth pattern and experience an
authentic sense of ease, harmony, and flow in life—the simple practice.
Also, I cannot recommend highly enough that we enlist a partner in this work—a
spouse, lover, friend, or ally—so we can hold each other accountable for doing the practice
whenever one of us going off-track.
As Jesus, the master of loving presence, said, “Where two or three are gathered in my
name, there am I in the midst of them.”

Doing the Practice

When we notice or see that we’re caught up in or distracted by a thought or “story,” or

we are having an emotional reaction, we remember to come back to the present moment.
We remember our mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” and then we
embody the spirit and meaning of those eight simple yet liberating words.
We gaze into a mirror if we can, or just do the practice on its own. We breathe, be alert
and present, and become very aware of our inner and outer environment. We pay attention
to everything that is real and palpable—that can be seen, touched, felt—here and now.
Feel our feet connected to the actual ground below us. Then feel the aliveness in our body,
and notice our surroundings
Then we look within, and remind ourselves of the truth: that everything, all our
thoughts, “stories,” and beliefs—including the ego, the “I” or “me” thought (insert “name”
here), the thought we most personally identify with—as well as our feelings and emotions,
comes and goes in our experience, but we as pure awareness are always here.
(Of course, identification refers only to thoughts and feelings that come and go in our
body/mind, and not to external identities, such as gender, age, marital status, occupation,
religion, nationality, etc. When we are free of internal identity, the external or functional
identities are never a problem.)
We experience ourselves as pure, unconditioned awareness or presence, here and now.
When we are not identified with anything, we are open to everything, and this is the
ground of unconditional love and compassion. This is the big realization.
We feel the power of our existence prior to any thought, or any “story.” We experience
the truth that we are pure, universal consciousness here, now. Begin to realize that every
other human being, if they were to do what we were doing—being present without
identification—would have the same experience as us.
If we can get this, we will feel freer, more relaxed, more alive, and more present.
And we will get it, but it will take time and practice because we are learning a new habit.
(The 21-day awakening challenge in the appendix provides a perfect opportunity to
deepen our experience of awakening, or liberation.)
When we are just present we see everything much more clearly and vividly. New
opportunities and solutions to any problems we may face reveal themselves, at least as to
the next step—and we’re already creating a new, happier “story” around our situation.
However, because we are still very human, and still have an ego, even though we are
now realizing we are not “it.” We can still get distracted, even momentarily seduced, by a
compelling thought or “story.”
To deal with this, there is again the simple mantra to remind us to breathe and
physically reconnect with the immediacy of our inner and outer environment.
Overtime, as the mantra sinks itself deeper into our consciousness, the remembering
will become instinctive. When we notice ourselves getting caught up in our minds, the
very noticing brings us back to the present moment.
And remember, we can always us a mirror to check ourselves, asking such questions as
“Am I fee of my ego?” or “What triggers me still?”
Don’t obsess over the looking into a mirror—up to 10 minutes a day is enough to keep
ourselves honest…
 24

The Simple Practice—Part 2

Whenever we find ourselves getting distracted by or lost in thought, in a “story” of

any kind, or when we have an emotional reaction, we remember to come back to the
present moment. We can make this practice of being present a meditation that we do
throughout the day, whenever the need arises.
Remember that if we really want to awaken to love and freedom, we cannot really
afford to indulge any “story,” even a happy one, beyond a brief contemplation. Otherwise
we risk remaining identified with the “story,” caught in the duality, the likes and dislikes,
the prejudices, of our mind.
We risk remaining in our ego, with its need to be right, to figure things out, to expect
certain outcomes, to judge, to hold onto what it likes, and reject what it dislikes, and there
is no freedom—no lasting happiness—in that. But the more frequently we remember to be
present throughout the day, the more we build a new habit which will become second
nature for us.
Eventually we’ll want to spend longer periods of time enjoying the space of
awakened consciousness. We discover how good it feels to be really present with no
thoughts, without a “story,” and without, especially, the story of “I,” the “me” with all its
judgments, desires, expectations, issues of “self-esteem and “self” worth, etc.
See without giving any emphasis to the “me.” Just notice what’s within and around us.
Within us there’s our breath, sounds, thoughts and “stories,” sensations and feelings all
coming and going, and then our outer environment, the wind rustling the leaves in the
trees, the clouds moving in the sky, maybe people passing by.
Take it all in, let it all pass through our awareness, but remain as the unchanging,
heartfelt presence behind the coming and going of everything we see, hear, feel, touch,
taste, and smell for a few minutes…
In not identifying with anything conceptually, we—as I said above—are open to
everything. We may notice some thoughts entering our mind. That’s okay. That’s what the
mind does—it thinks!
In fact, we can ask ourselves: “Do I need to think about this right now?” Maybe we
have a problem or situation that needs to be thought through, mulled over. This is an
example of the conscious use of thought.
But start realizing that because our thoughts come and go, we cannot be them. Rather,
we are what notices or observes the coming and going of our thoughts.
We are the ever-present, universal awareness behind our thoughts. Become aware of
being awareness itself, the fact that our true nature is the spacious awareness, or aliveness
in which everything—sounds, sensations, thoughts, stories, and events—comes and goes.
Being present like this gets us in touch with the silence, and the infinite field of
creative potential, that is our true, inner nature.
Truly, this is one of the great realizations of awakening—that everything, even our
thoughts about the past, or our speculations about the future, are all taking place here, now.
As we breathe and relax into the present moment, we see everything with clear eyes,
and new insights and realizations will inevitably flow into our mind. We’ll have new
thoughts, new “stories,” new intentions which will inspire us to respond to whatever is
happening in a conscious, creative, and caring, or loving way.
With being very present we feel more connected—connected to our true nature;
connected to our fellow human beings at the level of pure existence, of oneness or love;
and finally, connected to our environment and all of life.
Awakening teaches us the art of showing up with our whole self, with all our wisdom,
love, and creativity in this moment now.

Stepping Back with our Awareness

This technique helps us get a feel for the pure awareness we are. It helps us embody, or
make real, the pure seeing of our true nature. I learned it from Jean Klein, and it proved
instrumental in helping me wake up eleven years later.
Eventually we will not need this technique, because our awakening will be more fully
integrated, experienced as a seamless, unfolding flow, but if it helps us in becoming more
present, use it.
It is good to look into a mirror for this. Just imagine ourselves a few inches behind
and above our head. This is more the real “us.” We experience ourselves from this place
as the space in which our body appears, in which breathing happens, in which the ego
personality, with its sensations, feelings—and the thoughts, “stories,” and reactive
emotions—arise.
We step back out of the “story,” and any emotional fall-out. We are still present with
what’s arising in our body and mind, but we have more of a sense of freedom, of
detachment from it. We can literally “see” the thought or story—including the “I”
thought—coming and going, arising and disappearing with our mind’s eye, and we can
feel the emotions doing the same thing in our body.
So long as we remain vigilant and watchful of our own inner experience, we will
likely notice a shift. We will realize: “I am the seeing, not what is seen… I am the
spacious awareness in which the objects of my attention—my thoughts and stories, and
the emotional reactions they trigger—happen…”
When we see life without any “story,” then we see it clearly, as it really is, and in that
seeing, all kinds of new possibilities—including new “stories,” as well as occasional
brilliant, creative ideas—reveal themselves. We truly do have the global perspective.
When we finally see that while we always have an ego, but realize we are not our ego,
our “I” thought, then we know ourselves as universal awareness, having the experience of
“us.”
This realization is the true awakening and is the ultimate definition of being “safe.”
We know, in every cell of our being, that we are way, way bigger that anything that can
happen to us—even the death of the body itself. This is the big realization.
The freer we are of the story of “I” and “me,” the more awake, present, and loving we
are. As more and more of awaken, the healing of humanity will accelerate, and then even
more miracles will unfold.
When we stop identifying with our “story,” it falls away. When we stop identifying
with our “I” thought, the “story-teller,” we are free. True “self” acceptance comes, in
other words, when we see that there is no “self,” other than as a “story,” an image or idea,
between our ears.
This is when we experience the pure joy of living without any “self” image
whatsoever. And it has all come about through one simple thing—seeing the truth
inwardly about ourselves!
 27

The 2nd Teaching—Love our Triggers

As a way of more deeply opening our hearts to ourselves, of loving ourselves—which

must happen first, if ever we’re to love others (as within, so without)—let’s examine our
“stories.”
When we are still not used to being truly present, the mind—really, our ego “I”—will
jump in and say things like, “What about this very important matter I have to deal with?”
Or it looks for something to believe in or finds some other way to distract us from the
present moment.
After all, our ego cannot stand not identifying with anything! It depends on its
identities, its “stories,” for its very existence. It relies upon knowing “I am this,” (a lawyer,
a house-wife, a good person, a religious person, etc.), or knowing “I am that,” (a Democrat
or Republican, an upstanding citizen, a left-winger, a Buddhist, etc.)7
The ego’s very nature is dualistic. It thinks in the language of “black” and “white,” of
“rain” or “shine,” of “up” and “down.” Yet when we are established in our true nature—in
clear, loving presence—we see and experience only oneness everywhere.
The ego is very important in terms of the world we live in, the relative reality, and the
reason for the 108 lessons in this book is to suggest ways in which we, as the conscious or
awakened ego, can handle different situations. Then we can better integrate awakening
into our daily lives.
However, while we always have an ego, we are not our ego, and to realize this is to
awaken to our true nature—to the pure awareness we always are, which gives rise to our
ego, our “I” thought, and everything else we experience.
Now, the main force driving our ego and maintaining its dominance in our lives, with
all the potential stress, struggle, crisis, and chaos that derives from it, is our past, our
emotional history—and beyond that, our “story” about, or memory of, our past.
How best to deal with our past when it intrudes on our experience of now? The answer
lies in learning to love, or welcome, any negative reaction that arises in us…
Whenever we experience worry, conflict, upset, or suffering of any kind—have an
emotional reaction, in other words—the more we learn to welcome it, to open our hearts to
our own pain, the quicker we awaken.
After all, our reaction—which always comes from something we experienced in our
past—is showing us where we are not yet free, not yet established in our true power,
which is the power of our presence.
7
I love Wayne Dyer’s definition of “ego” as an acronym for “Edging God Out,” although I would be inclined to
substitute the word “Goodness” for “God,” in order to include Buddhists and other non-believers.
 This is the test of our willingness on this path of awakening—are we beginning to love
what we previously resisted, or do we still fight, struggle, and refuse to accept it?
During the year before I woke up to freedom, to the realization that I was not even this
“I,” this “self” I’d taken myself to be all my life, my personal mantra was this: “Ah, I
welcome this situation, this suffering, because it’s showing me where I am not yet free.”
I learned this from Jean Klein, who often talked about welcoming as being a
prerequisite for freedom. I suggest we use this same mantra, or our version of it—for
example, “I accept this,” or “I am open to this—it’s showing me where I’m not yet free.”
Welcoming, we could say, is being open to loving, and loving—ourselves first, and
then each other—is clearly what is needed in our world today.
Above all, the more we genuinely welcome our inner experience, rather than resist it,
which is our normal tendency, the more we clearly see the coming and going of our
ego’s voice, this “I” that we previously were so identified with.
In the seeing, we realize we are not it! Rather, we are that which sees. We can call it
clear, observing consciousness, we can call it awareness, spirit, the Witness, God, or
“divine love,” but whatever we call it is not it. The name is never the thing. All we can
do is just be who we are—the beautiful, present, and aware people we are.

Noticing our Ego’s Reactions

We must realize that every time we are triggered, or have an emotional reaction, it is
our ego’s voice reacting, and not who we truly are—the clear, open-hearted, present-time
“self” who is reading these words right now.
This will take time and practice to really recognize, but our ego’s reactions are always
based on a “story” around “I don’t feel safe…” or, “I resent this person or that
situation…”
Not feeling “safe” or feeling “resentful” keeps this aggrieved sense of the ego “I/me”
being afraid or hurt alive inside our body/mind. It feels real, palpable. Yet this is what
needs to be seen.
It needs to be seen, and that “we,” as the seeing, are always here, whereas the feeling of
being afraid or hurt comes and goes in the awareness or “seeing” we are. To see that we
are the ever-present seeing is the essence of what it means to be awake and free.

Only now is real—everything else is our “story.” Understand this at the

deepest level, and we awaken to love and freedom here and now.
 29

Love our Triggers—Part 2

Examples of other “stories” that trigger emotional reactions from our ego, and that
arise from not feeling “safe” are:

“I feel anxious or nervous,” “I’m angry,” “I don’t feel he/she loves me,” “I feel
misunderstood,” “How will I ever be able to make rent next month?” “I just don’t trust
this person,” “Gosh, I just don’t know who or what to believe!” and “I don’t know what I
should do…”

When we attach ourselves to or identify with any of the above “stories,” we make it
real in our experience, which is why we have the emotional reaction we do.
But simply through seeing or hearing the “story” every time it surfaces in our
awareness, and knowing that it’s coming from our ego, and not who we really are, we
become freer of it, and more present here and now.
Do this with every negative situation we encounter, or whenever our buttons are
pushed, and soon we will be doing it, welcoming, as the situation arises. We may even
start to think to ourselves: “Bring it on… I want to see where I am not yet free.”
Welcoming is easier when we are truly present. So, the next time we have an
emotional reaction—or feel upset, scattered, lost, confused, needy, anxious, or
complaining, blaming, or judging in some way—remember the simple practice.
Breathe deeply and be supremely present. Be the awareness we are. The more present
we are, the quieter our mind and emotions will be. Then replay the upsetting situation in
our mind, and realize that it was our ego reacting, and not the real “us,” the beautiful,
loving people we are.
Then we can see ourselves welcoming it, because it’s showing us where we’re not yet
free. Then, instead of seeing our ego as the “enemy,” we can simply love it, befriend it…

Loving our Ego

The key to loving our past is to learn to open our heart to our own suffering, to have
compassion for ourselves, to treat whatever egoic angst we are experiencing like a lost
and lonely child—which it is!
We must realize that whenever we react emotionally, it is the wounded child, when
our ego was first forming, reacting, and not our true self. The more quickly we see that,
the more we can—in our imagination—take the child into our arms, and love it, comfort
it, and nurture it. Clearly, that’s what it has been needing and wanting from us all these
years!
This approach of loving our past, our ego’s emotional reactions and triggers, teaches
us to embrace our conflict and suffering, rather than turn away from it. When we are kind
and welcoming to ourselves, we are more open and compassionate toward others.
After all, it is what is. Whatever is troubling us is our reality. When we accept what
is, then we are in harmony with it and we can work to change it, heal it, fix it, or at least
accept and adapt it.
The more we love our past—which is the ego’s unconscious memories—the more we
live in welcoming and openness in the present, and the more life feels smoother, more
harmonious, more flowing. Love literally melts all the resistance and struggle in us.
This is one of the main qualities of people who are awake and free—their open, warm,
welcoming manner with everyone they meet, and everything they encounter.
And yes, something may happen that they don’t particularly like, such as the sudden
appearance of an angry person, or an unexpected negative event.
However, they deal with the situation with as much grace and ease as is possible, and
then they are back to their usual way of being—open to and welcoming of everything.
As we learn to love our past, to embrace whatever is happening in this moment, we’ll
more readily notice the connection between the “story” we are telling ourselves, and the
emotional reaction we are experiencing.
The “story” may be unconscious, stemming from an experience way back in our past,
but know this—there’s always a story behind suffering. Or, to put it the other way around:
when there’s no story, there’s no suffering.
As we become more familiar with loving our past, we learn the wisdom of not clinging
to any “story,” positive or negative, but simply remaining open to everything. We can
certainly form an intention as to what we want to have happen, but then release it, and
come back to the present moment.
We see that the past was real when it happened, but is not real now, and this frees us up
to be present, and to love what is here in the present—including, and especially, everyone
around us!
However, for those who still struggle with old issues, Chapter Four is devoted to
healing the wounds of the past.

Remembering the Liberation Mantra

The more we realize that we are not the thoughts or “stories” we tell ourselves, the
more we find ourselves questioning just who or what we really are. We ask, “Who am I
really?” and assume that there is an “I,” a true Self, somewhere inside us that we just
haven’t found yet.
But the fact is there is no true “I” to be found, other than as a concept, a word. This is
the power of the liberation mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” When we
realize this, that we have an ego “I,” a “me” but are not “it,” because it comes-and-goes,
we are free. We are effectively plunged into the timeless present, into this moment now.
Whenever we realize—or notice—we are getting caught up our head, in our thoughts
or “stories,” or are having an emotional reaction, we do the practice.
We pause, breathe, and affirm our simple mantra. We ground ourselves in our body
and connect with our physical surroundings.
Then we see the truth, that everything we think about or feel comes and goes,
including the “me” thought, this very egoic “self” we taker ourselves to be. Yet “we”—
the seeing, the awareness—are always here, always present in this moment now.
The second teaching, love our triggers, is for when we emotionally react to
something we don’t like, or resist—or, more correctly, when our ego jumps into the
picture and has a problem with what’s happening.
We identify our ego’s “voice” behind the reaction, the voice of our younger “self.”
We become very present and open our hearts to ourselves as we see that it is really
the wounded child in us who is hurt. This helps take the sting out of our experience. In
developing a more compassionate, heartfelt acceptance of whatever is happening
through loving and nurturing the child within, there is a healing.
Then, from the space of pure presence, when we remember our mantra, and the
question within it, the answer as to who this “me” is becomes clear and obvious. The
more we heal this imaginary child within us through making peace with our past, the
more we come to a startling realization:
When we investigate it, we discover that the “I” or “me,” the egoic “self” we have
taken ourselves to be all these years, cannot be found. It is just a thought, a “story” too
that comes and goes, appears and disappears, like any other thought.
It’s a concept that we have been identifying with for so long that it “feels” like who
we are—but, when we look for it, from the awakened space, we cannot find it anywhere
inside us. And yet look at how powerful this one-letter pronoun, “I,” is. When ego takes
over, it creates such resistance, such stress, upset, and even chaos in our lives!
The proof of how identified we are with our ego is in the anxiety we experience in our
solar plexus whenever “we” feel threatened. The anxiety is so real in the moment we are
feeling it, that if anyone were to tell us “The ego ‘I’ doesn’t actually exist,” we wouldn’t
believe them, and may well get angry with them. At the very least, we may blurt out: “It
sure feels like I exist!”
But as we inquire into or investigate the very source of this “I” we take ourselves to be,
we eventually come to see that the “I,” the “me,” the story-teller comes and goes too, and
is no more real that the “stories” it tells. It, too, is just a “story,” the deepest and most
persistent one of all!
And yet we, as the heartfelt awareness or consciousness which notices what’s arising in
our body/mind, are still very much here!
And by “real” I am referring, just to be very clear, to that which always here. Thoughts,
stories, sensations, sounds, feelings, and emotions—just like people, places, and events—
come and go in our awareness, in our lives, and are thus only relatively “real.” And
regardless of whether a “story” is true or not, it is still only a story!
What we come to see with increasing clarity every time we make this shift is that only
awareness or consciousness is “real”—and we are this. Our true nature is pure, open
awareness expressing through these bodies, minds, and personalities known as “us.”
We realize we are the aware, conscious human beings looking out or perceiving
through our eyes, sensing with our bodies, feeling with our hearts, and using the power of
our mind to communicate, create, and reflect.
As we become freer, more present, we realize we still have an ego—the “I” and “me”
thoughts—but now we use it consciously, for such things as setting boundaries, and
identifying, based on our heart’s desire, our personal wants and needs.
At the same time, we realize that we are not “it”—precisely because “it,” our ego,
comes and goes, because “it” can be observed. Rather, we are always this awareness that is
present here and now, that is observing.
All suffering arises, in other words, because we violate what could be said is the
cardinal rule of awakening—only now is real. And we violate it by getting caught up in
our ego’s “story,” our selfish wants and needs.
We step back, learn to love our ego and its obsessions, watch how it comes and goes
in our awareness, and let it fade into the background—as it will. Then we find ourselves
enjoying a new level of freedom and ease.
How do we know when we’re awake and free? When we have seen that we’re not
this ego “I,” this “me” that we thought we were, and therefore can no longer be triggered
emotionally by anyone or anything. We hold onto no image of ourselves that might get
triggered, in other words.

Of course, we’re human, so residues of ego reaction can still arise, but they
are quickly seen for what they are, and we come back to the realization of
ourselves as beautiful, spacious awareness here, now…
 33

The 3rd Teaching—This Moment Now

The more that we realize the truth at the heart of the liberation mantra—“My God, this
‘I’ that I’ve been believing myself to be all these years doesn’t exist and never did!”—the
easier it is to live without identifying with any “story” whatsoever. This is the big
realization.
Or course, we’re still going to have “stories”—we’re a story-telling people—but we’ll
have far fewer of them. We’ll be freer of the “me, myself, and I” preoccupation, our ego
“story,” and our mind will be 80% quieter. Then our alert, clear presence will allow all
kinds of fresh insights, realizations, and creative ideas—“stories”—to flow through us.
This is when we are inevitably led to what I call the “right action,” a Buddhist term.
What is the “right action?” Basically, it is to have our lives be about loving and serving
our fellow human beings, in whatever way moves or inspires us. This is our true purpose.
None of us is ever perfect in living our true purpose, of course, and we’ll falter or fall
short many, many times during our life-time, but right action is about sending out a loving
intention to the people we encounter throughout our day.
This has always been what our world has needed—for us to be fully conscious and to
love one another—and never more so than now. We see other people beyond their “story,”
beyond whatever judgments, suspicions, or motivations they, or we, may have, into the
love and freedom of their underlying true nature.
We may not approve of their behavior, and will outright reject it, not put up with it if it
is destructive or life-denying. If their actions have been criminal in any way, naturally
there will be consequences.
Nevertheless, we will see them in their essence, and that they are not fundamentally
different from us. And, who knows, during their time of penance, they may read this book,
or one like it, and have their own awakening to the truth of our shared oneness.
As seeing the truth about ourselves penetrates to the deepest level—to seeing that even
our “I” thought, our ego, is a fiction—our heart opens even more to love.
Then we don’t have to “try” to love others. Love flowers naturally and appropriately
during our daily interactions. The more we embody true presence, in this moment now, the
freer of our “story” we are. After all, real love is not a “story.”
When everybody starts seeing others without any “story” in the way, authentic love
flowers, and our world begins to be healed. Let this be humanity’s new “story!”

Making warm, welcoming eye contact with each other—friend, family

member, or stranger—is the ultimate “spiritual” practice.
 34

The Signs of Awakening

Awakening is only ever experienced in the present moment, because this moment here
and now is all there is.
So, we are either awake, free, and loving in this moment now, or we are caught in,
identified with, some degree of ego, of thoughts and “stories,” and are therefore not fully
present.
And yet, simultaneously, it takes real time—clock and calendar time—to see all the
ways in which this pesky ego “self” has a grip on the consciousness we are.
“The conditioning to take ourselves to be a ‘somebody’ is deep-rooted in us,” said Jean
Klein. This is the paradox of awakening, and the irony is that only when we’re fully awake
do we understand it!
Indeed, awakening, or seeing without any “story” is so powerful because we are
literally seeing with the eyes of the universe, and that resolves all paradoxes, dilemmas,
and problems. And if we can’t figure it out with our mind, we happily live with the
mystery of it, accept it, and flow with it.
That’s why I say it takes a year or less for most people, provided they are genuinely
committed, to awaken fully, to see through the illusion of their “I” thought, their ego self.
This is assuming they have realized that there is a way out of their pain and suffering.
Again, it has become such a habit to believe we are the “I” thought, and to take things
very “personally”—feeling happy when our “self” is affirmed and validated, unhappy
when it’s not—and it needs time to undo the habit.
And the “undoing,” of course, happens purely through awareness of these dynamics
within us—the seeing of where we are not yet free. This is the essence of the direct path.
Everything is in the seeing—which is why, I am sure, the sages of old were called “seers!”
So, in my teaching work, one of the things I am always looking for is where the person
is still identified with his or her “I” thought—the ego, the “story-teller.” They haven’t
realized the simple truth behind the liberation mantra—and, why would they? After all,
they have been believing themselves to be a separate “self” their whole life, so it is
understandable that they would tend to take things personally and be reactive.
So, whatever the cause of their identification, I gently point them back to what they are
not seeing themselves—the “story,” generally dating back to early childhood, that
underpins this “me” they take themselves to be.
Always, it’s a variation of “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t feel safe,” “I cannot trust,”
or “I feel abandoned.” When they do look, they invariably come to a recognition: “My
God, I see what you mean—that ‘story’ I tell myself does come and go!” And right there,
at least in that moment, they make a shift into a deeper level of freedom.
They are now seeing from their true nature, the pure consciousness or presence they
are, and not from any idea of being a “me,” an “I,” an egoic “person.”
This is why I have written this book, because my personal reach is inevitably limited.
Throughout its pages, I constantly bring us back to the awareness we are—as opposed to
continuing to believe in the fiction that we are our ego, the “I” thought, with its obsessive
tendency to cling to ideas of “past” and “future.”
This is how we shift from intellectual “knowing” to embodied experience—by literally
coming down out of our head, our mind, and breathing into a felt experience of now.
Remembering to be present is so important that I still do it myself when I need to.
When I find myself getting caught up in or distracted by a thought or “story,” as happens
on occasion, I’ll notice it almost immediately.
I’ll remember the embodiment mantra, “This moment now…,” or just the very noticing
of my distraction brings me right back to the pure seeing I am.
Or when something challenging happens with Tanya and my heart momentarily shuts
down, I’ll notice it very quickly. I’ll remember that she, in her true nature, is a perfect,
loving reflection of me, and I will seek to establish a pure, being-to-being connection with
her, beginning with a heartfelt smile, relaxed eye-contact, and a warm apology. It only
takes a moment or two, and it’s always very healing.
After all, intimate relationships, including and especially dealing with our own family
members, are a fertile ground for having our buttons pushed, for getting triggered. As Ram
Dass famously said: “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family!”
And how do we know if we are awake in this moment? Without any “story” to feed
this illusory sense of “I,” conflict and suffering come to an end, our mind is clear, our
heart open, and we are happily present, ready for whatever is next. We are “waiting
without waiting,” as Jean Klein used to say…

The signs of awakening are simple. We are present, alert, and at ease,
happy and at peace with everything. Our mind is clear, free of all
“stories”—especially the story of “me”—and our heart is full and open.

Because we’re no longer identified with an image of “me,” we don’t take

anything personally. We realize that this moment now is all there is, and we
greet others in a warm, open, and welcoming way. Finally, we use the
immense creative power of our mind, guided by wisdom and love, to deal
with the problems and challenges of living…
 36

The Form and Flow of this Book

This book is divided into three parts, one for each of the three teachings. At the end of
each part is a “Relationship Practice” which involves a simple though not necessarily easy
eye-gazing practice—although each of them becomes easier over time:
The first is looking at ourselves in a mirror, the second is gazing into the eyes of
someone close, and the third is connecting and making eye contact with the people we
meet every day in our world.
The three parts are, in turn, are divided into seven chapters. Each chapter is made up of
the lessons I spoke about a few pages ago, 108 in total, none of them longer than a page or
two. At the end of each, the lesson is summarized in a few sentences, or less.
We will know or intuit which of the lessons resonates with us, which of them speaks to
us—at least for now. When we pick up the book six months or a year from now, maybe a
different set of lessons will call us.
At the end of these Introductory Pages, and the end of each chapter, there is a one-or-
two-page summary, titled Doing the Practice, which serves a reminder of how we “do” the
simple practice, accompanied by, in some cases, a guided meditation.
All the words and lessons in this book are just pointers, however. True awakening is
knowing ourselves as the silent, spacious awareness behind everything, and then
embodying that in wise, kind, and loving actions and behaviors. This is how it will all
eventually come together, will coalesce into a smooth and harmonious experience for us.
Through doing the simple practice whenever we notice ourselves lost in thought, we
realize ever more clearly that we are not this “I” we’ve taken ourselves to be our whole
life, nor its many “stories” and emotional reactions, precisely because they come and go.
Rather, we are the clear, awake, and beautiful people who are always here, always
present in this moment now. So, we breathe deeply, feel our body relax, and just enjoy
what is here now. We literally flow in freedom.
The freer we are, the less we resist anything in our life, and the more we do our best to
live our understanding in every moment. There is no perfect enlightenment, no perfect
freedom—at least I haven’t found any.
But I long ago gave up looking for it, content as I am to embrace and enjoy my
humanity. In any case, we realize that freedom is only ever experienced here, now. This
moment now is all we have and is all there is. Understanding this is the real mastery.
By the way, you will find no mention of the role of diet and exercise in this book,
although both are obviously important to the well-being of the body/mind organism
However, the beauty and power of awakening is that it will gradually transform
everything in our lives for the better. Maybe we get no exercise, have a poor diet, and may
even be overweight, but so long as we make the intent to awaken our new, daily habit, we
will find ourselves becoming more aware, alert, and present.
Then, in our new-found freedom, we’ll have a renewed appreciation for our body and
our health and will see with much more clarity what we need to do about it—just as we
will have a new relationship with our mind itself, the very “thing” that once defined “us.”
With awakening, our mind becomes, as I’ve implied, an incredibly powerful, creative
tool. Those of us who were more intellectually inclined to begin with will really appreciate
this. We can use our mind like a laser, wielding it with precision to explain, describe, or
paint a picture of this or that.
We can use our mind’s power of thought and intention to create what we want to
accomplish, yet always governed by the heart, by that which not only serves our own best
interest, but the greater good as well. And if our heart is not truly in it, or behind it, then
we are not going to succeed, no matter how hard we try.
Let’s begin our journey together then, as we explore the pages that follow. They serve
as reminders of the changeless Reality that we always are, underneath the relative reality,
the ever-changing circumstances, events, and “stories”—the thoughts, feelings, and
emotions—of our lives.
It is a journey which, no matter how far, wide, or deep we seem to travel, will bring us
right back to here, now—to the boundless love and creative potential in the present. And
the more of us that wake up to our own beautiful beingness, or presence, the more we
share that with our family, friends, co-workers, and our larger community.
In this way, our world, the world each of us lives, moves, and connects with others in,
is healed. Then, as the circles of healing expand throughout the larger world, and our
vision of global healing will be gradually fulfilled.
The key message of this book is about finding our identity, meaning, and joy not in the
thoughts or “stories” we tell ourselves, but in the fullness and richness of being awake and
alive now. Then we use the power of thought, “story,” and intention to create the
circumstances our heart truly desires…

Despite my assertion that it takes most of us up to a year or more to awaken

fully (assuming we commit to the simple practice, or something like it), it is
possible to “get” it—to wake up and be forever free—at any moment, simply
through reading any one idea or sentence in this book.

Let that be a constant reminder to us as we proceed…

 37A

Doing the Practice—A Mirror Meditation

The more we practice being present, the more presence becomes second nature for us.
By consciously meditating—slowing down our breathing, relaxing and sensing our body,
and being fully alert and awake in the here-and-now—we begin to free ourselves from the
thoughts, “stories,” and images generating conflict, worry, and self-doubt.
(Note: In the following meditation practice we close our eyes for a period of time.
Either read it through first to make sure we understand it, or—even better—have a friend
read it for us, guiding us through it; then we can do the same for them).8

Sit in a comfortable position, with a mirror nearby. Take in our

surroundings for a moment or two, and then close our eyes. Breathe slowly
and consciously down into our belly, pelvis, and legs.

Now let our awareness expand until it feels as if we, as a localized field of
awareness, are slightly behind and above our head. This is the stepping-
back practice we read about a few pages ago.

From this vantage point, scan the length and breadth of our body. Make our
body an object of observation, just as we would a tree, a house, a car, or a
person. Get the sense of ourself, our real being, as the awareness in which
our body lives. We have a body, but we are not fundamentally our body.
Rather, our body is an expression, or extension of the awareness which we
are.

Now let our hearing expand, and listen to the sounds in our environment,
whether of our own breathing, the wind, or a bird, a car, a person’s voice,
or the hum of an appliance. Notice how all sounds come out of silent
awareness, and dissolve back into it; yet “we”, the awareness which notices
the sounds, are always here.

Then pay attention to the sensations and feelings shifting and changing
inside our body. Notice that we are the ever-present, changeless awareness
observing the coming-and-going of the sensations and the feelings.

8
This meditation, or a version of it, originally appeared in my book, End Your Story, Begin Your Life.
 37B

Now watch the thoughts, “stories,” beliefs, and images passing through our
mind. In particular, notice the ego or “I” thought, the “me” thought, the
very “self” that we think we are.

Notice how we have all these thoughts, but they are not who we really are.
Thoughts, even judgmental or negative thoughts, simply come and go within
the larger field of the awareness that we are…

Notice how we can make thought an object of observation in the same way
we can observe our body, our breath, or anything else. Watch our thoughts
as if they were birds flying across the sky of our mind. In simply observing
them and not getting caught up in any particular thought, stillness and
peace unfold.
Then when we affirm the liberation mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets
triggered?” we realize—which is to see with our “real” eyes—that we are
indeed not our ego “I,” our “me,” not any “story” or emotion because they
are all concepts or states which come and go, but rather the luminous
presence that is always, always here.

But even speaking of ourselves as “luminous presence” is too much. After

all, no “story,” no matter how beautiful or noble it may be, can describe us
in our essence. We realize, in the end, that we can only be the ever-present,
open-hearted awareness we are…

So, open our eyes and gaze at ourselves in the mirror, from the pure
presence we are…

When we are open, aware, and present with no “story,” this is to be awake
and free…

“When you look into a mirror and see no one there, only openness and love
looking back at you, then you are enlightened.”

Zen teaching, known as the “Empty Mirror”9

99
The Empty Mirror: Experiences in a Japanese Zen Monastery (St. Martin’s Griffin) by Janwillem van de Wetering
 38

PART ONE

THE FIRST TEACHING—THE SIMPLE

PRACTICE
 39

Chapter One

Presence, Love, and Freedom are our True

Nature
 40

1. Feeling at Ease while Living in the World

Awakening, as I’ve said, is a shift in perception, in the way we fundamentally see and
experience life.
When we are not awake to the truth within us, we believe that we are “Jim” or “Tanya”
who has the normal hopes, doubts, and fears that come from identifying with a personal
“self.” Yet occasionally, if we are blessed, we have glimpses of pure awareness or
freedom.
The shift happens when we realize that we are not “Jim” or “Tanya,” because they are
concepts that come and go in our awareness. Rather, we are pure awareness or
consciousness itself, having the experience of “Jim” or “Tanya.”
When awakening occurs, it effectively relieves us from suffering, because we no
longer take ourselves to be this psychological/emotional “person” who suffers. We are not
identified with mental concepts.
Because of this, we don’t take anything, including all our problems, “personally”—
except in those very human moments when we forget our true nature and do!
After all, the embodiment of awakening is a life-long journey. This includes the
clearing of residual “stories” and their negative behaviors, and being kinder, more
compassionate, and more loving. It is becoming more and more rooted in presence, in a
more transparent and luminous expression of the pure awareness or consciousness we
know ourselves to be.
Maybe, right now, we are feeling the shift and are content just to breathe into freedom,
to enjoy the flow of being. After all, to realize ourselves as pure consciousness is itself a
pretty amazing thing.
In Zen, they call it awakening to our true nature, and some Zen monks—as well as
yogis and sages who have pulled back from the world—satisfy themselves with this alone.
They realize they are one with the beauty of life—that they are the universe, in effect—
and so they just bask in the bliss of that as they go about their monastic duties.
But most of us live in the real world, the world of the family and human relationships,
work, money, the marketplace, and social and political engagement.
We want to do real stuff, real things. We have goals and dreams, hopes and ambitions,
and we willingly accept the challenges and the problems that come with that. We don’t
want to just sit around and let life happen. We want to play an active part in making things
happen.
The more awake and free we are then, the more our hearts are open and compassionate,
and the more we see our life situation with new eyes. We can use the power of conscious
thought and intention to help align our mind with our heart’s desires.
Guided by our mind’s wisdom and our heart’s love, we can then take action that in
some way serves or contributes to the greater good.
As we awaken, we will find ourselves experiencing more and more of the time an inner
peace, joy, and happiness that does not depend on circumstances.
At the same time, our periods of conflict and suffering will be much shorter in duration
and far less frequent, such that the thought of them really doesn’t bother us anymore. We
know we can handle anything that may come up.
The power of awakening to shift our state of consciousness, to open it and bring us into
the flow of now again, the beauty and perfection of this moment, is truly amazing.
We just have to stop, breathe, and relax into the freedom we are—and, bingo, the
current of ease and bliss is right there!
Then we look at our life, the people in it, see what needs to be done, and we set about
doing it to the very best of our ability.
We realize, in the end, that our true nature is bliss, so just relax into it—into what we
are—and we’ll no longer need to seek it out as a separate, idealized “state.”

Freedom is all in the seeing—that we are not any "story" about our
circumstances, but rather are the seeing itself. Then our circumstances are
just our circumstances, and we can address them with a clear mind and
open heart, from a place of true presence.
 42

2. Facing Life’s Challenges

The idea that awakening to one’s true nature means that we have no more problems or
challenges is, as I have pointed out, simply not true. However, the more awake and free
we are, the more we flow harmoniously with the ups and downs in life and find creative
solutions to any problems that arise.
Our problems, as Jean Klein said, are no longer problematic.
Consider what happened to me. At the end of 2003, eight years after I had awakened
to the truth within me, I suffered three strokes over a period of five months. The third,
most devastating stroke landed me in hospital for six days, four in the intensive care.
I write about my experience with the strokes at some length in End Your Story, Begin
Your Life, but I will say this here: because I had already woken up, I could handle the
whole experience with a relative degree of grace, ease, and equanimity.
I didn’t resist anything, in other words, and drew upon the power my mind, of
conscious thought and intention, to aid my recovery, which took about two years.
The more we embody the message in this book, the more we know ourselves not a
psychological/emotional “person,” but as the universe itself, expressing through this
body, mind, and “self” known as “us.” This knowing is the source of our supreme
confidence and trust in ourselves and in life. We are, essentially, fearless.10
Then we can discern what is really happening—or at least see it more clearly—no
matter what the challenge we may be facing.
It doesn’t matter whether it is a health crisis, like mine; a relationship upset; a
situation at work; a financial failure; a natural disaster; or social or political conflict we
get entangled in—we will deal with it with relative calm.
We will draw upon all the wisdom, love, and experience we have available to us as
we address the challenge.

As we awaken to the power of this moment now, we learn to flow with the
challenges of life, seeing them as opportunities for growth, rather than as
threats to our happiness…

10
I did experience a brief contraction of fear when, after the third stroke, a doctor came to visit me in the ER. He
said he was going to do an angiogram, and if he could see where the blood clot was in my brain, would insert a stent
to open the vessel up. However, I needed to sign a waiver first. When I read the document he handed me, that’s
when I felt the fear. There was a 25% chance of my having a major stroke, or even dying, during the procedure! But
then I breathed, relaxed, and signed the paper. Interestingly, I was told soon after—and in the years since whenever
I had a brain scan—that I had signs of moya moya disease and may need brain surgery to minimize the risk of
further physical (and possibly mental) decline, including another stroke. I eventually had the surgery in late 2016.
 43

3. Two Kinds of Freedom

All human beings want to be free, and most seek outer freedom.
They want to be free to pursue their goals and dreams and to achieve success,
believing that this will lead to a happy, fulfilled life. They want to be free to follow their
own creative interests and passions. They want the freedom to express themselves in
whatever way they wish: to choose their work or career, their friends, their politics, their
religion, to choose where they live.
But this kind of freedom, the kind that we have an abundance of here in America,
with our constitutional right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, is limited.
Why?
Because it is based upon having certain ideal circumstances in our lives: excellent
health, the perfect career, enough money, great romance and relationships, and the
opportunity to live our dreams, what creatively inspires us.
What happens when circumstances are not ideal, do not meet our expectations? When
our health fails us? Or when we never have enough money left at the end of the month?
Or working at a job we just plain dislike? Or wanting to be in an intimate, romantic
relationship but not finding the right partner?
Most people in these situations find themselves unhappy. They worry and stress, they
get anxious or fearful. They become frustrated, irritable, or even angry when things don’t
work out their way.
But consider this: there is a completely different approach to living, which involves
realizing a very different kind of freedom—inner freedom, freedom from the worries of
our mind, our ego and its many “stories.”
When we find this freedom within, then we really do enjoy the experience of living,
basically all the time, no matter what is happening around us.
And if we cannot actually enjoy our situation, because the crisis or challenge facing
us demands our attention and maybe drains us of emotional energy, we will at least be at
peace with it, accepting of it, inside ourselves.
Our deep inner serenity will not be disturbed, and we will respond to whatever is
happening, no matter how “bad” the situation may seem, from a place of clarity, wisdom,
and love. We will use the power of our mind to create more harmonious circumstances,
more outer freedom, if we can.
This inner freedom, or awakening, is available to every single human being on earth,
regardless of age, race, ethnicity, or circumstance in life. It is not reserved for a select
few, the “chosen” or “exalted” ones. It is, indeed, our true inner nature.
After all, we were all born awake and free…

A freedom that depends on beliefs or circumstances, on that which changes,

is no real freedom at all. But to realize ourselves as the changeless is to
awaken to that which we have always sought—and this is the true joy in
life.
 45

4. The Deepest Wisdom

The simple practice comes out of what some call the “deepest” wisdom, which is
nondual wisdom, the wisdom that always brings us back to this very moment—to right
here, right now. This is why it is known as the direct path.
People who are not awake to their true nature are caught in duality, and they believe
the spiritual and material dimensions in life are two distinct realities. They are often
caught between one and the other, always trying to find a balance between the two.
Nondual wisdom sees no such distinction. The two are one reality, and reality is
now. It teaches us that it is the attachment to and identification with our personal
“story”—especially the story of “I” and “me”—that creates all the emotional reactions in
our body, and any suffering or drama we experience in our lives.
Identification is when the “me,” this “self” we take ourselves to be, thinks or believes
our “story” is real. Yes, our “story” is also the cause of much of the joy, happiness, and
meaning we experience too, which is why it is so seductive. It is very much a two-edged
sword.
When life meets our expectations—our “story”—we are happy. When it doesn’t, we
are disappointed, and maybe even feel sad, miserable, or depressed. Unmet expectations
create resentment, blame, and perpetuate the cycle of suffering.
But as we get freer of our “story,” and especially the “I” or “me” story, through
seeing it is not real and never was, we abide more in the present moment, and discover a
deeper meaning in life.
We discover a meaning that flows from being itself, and doesn’t depend on words,
concepts, or beliefs.
In seeing what we are not, we come to what we are, and we discover the profound joy
in simply being alive
We find ourselves one with the flow of life and from this place—here and now—we
can use the power of thought and intention to create that which is good, which serves the
well-being of all.
Nondual wisdom sets us free, and a happy, loving connection with others is the juice
that makes life rich, meaningful, and fun…

Love is the deepest and truest wisdom.

 46

5. The Big “R” Reality

Nondual wisdom teaches us that consciousness, the awareness of body, mind, senses,
and identity, is all there really is. Consciousness is the ground of being, giving rise to all
thoughts, sensations, beliefs, and experiences—to everything in the manifest, relative
reality.
No matter what is happening in our experience, no matter what we identify with, we
are aware of it. Awareness, or consciousness, is the ground of being.
The difference between those who have awakened to this truth and those who have not
is that the former live from the ultimate Reality, the nondual Reality—the big “R”
Reality. They dwell in awareness, in pure, silent consciousness itself, all the while
acknowledging the relative, small “r” reality of thoughts, beliefs, feelings, experiences,
as well as things, events, and circumstances.
Because they live from and embrace the ultimate perspective, the context of the
whole, people who are awake honor and work with the content, the flow of what is
happening here and now, without getting lost in it.
By seeing the big picture, they see the intrinsic inter-relationship of all the parts—
that the nondual manifests in the ever-changing and ever-fascinating dualistic reality of
our lives.
On the other hand, those who have not yet seen the truth are caught up in the relative
reality, in the content, in one or more of the parts. Not having opened to and connected
with the ultimate Reality, the consciousness which is the source of everything, they
cling to what can be seen, felt, experienced.
This includes all the beliefs people hold onto regarding the value of an ethnic,
national, religious, cultural, or social identity. When we factor in the personal history,
all the subjective memories from the past, both painful and pleasant, we have this world
between the ears called “me, myself, and my story.”
This book shows us how to free ourselves from all ideas of “me, myself, and my
story” so that we can really begin to open our heart and enjoy life.

Find what doesn’t change in us—awareness itself, the big “R” Reality—
and then we’ll be able to flow with the ever-changing, relative reality of our
life.
 47

6. It is What it Is

The more we awaken to freedom, the more we realize this: it is what it is, things are
what and how they are, and we simply don’t argue anymore with what is real in this
moment.
This does not mean we have to passively accept what is, however. The great thing
about being human is that we have, much of the time, the power to change our
circumstances if we don’t like them.
If we are facing a situation that we don’t particularly like, but we have to deal with
because walking away is not an option, we have two choices. We can either take the old,
unawakened, “reactive ego” way, which is struggle with and resist it—and bitch, whine,
and complain about it.
Or we can draw upon our creative powers to change it, heal it, fix it, or—at the very
least—learn to accept it and adapt to it. Adaptation to what is new or different is the main
way that humanity continues to not only survive, but flourish. This is true of all living
species.
But still, the truth remains: in this moment, right now, our life and our situation is
what it is. To realize this and accept it is itself liberating.

“When you live in the moment, everything is brand new.”

Mel Longmire
 48

7. The Lesson in Suffering

More and more today, people who are awakening to genuine freedom within
themselves—who are realizing the love that is their true nature—are using the simple but
profound phrase: “It’s all good.”
But how can this be, we might wonder? What can possibly be “good” about parents,
for example, losing their child to an accident, suicide, or murder?
What can be “good” about a situation where our best friend has just died suddenly, or
as a result of an illness? Or where there has been some other personal devastation, such as
our losing a job we depended on, or financial ruin, or some other crisis, or the person we
thought we loved so deeply suddenly leaving us for another?
When they happen, these events are severe blows—and, in the case of death, particularly
of the young, tragic—and they need to be honored as such. We need to take the time to
grieve and mourn our loss.
But after the period of sorrow, of deep sadness is over—however long that takes— we
will realize, at some point, that it is what it is, and we are here. It was real then, when it
happened, but is not real now.
We will see the lesson in our suffering, how the sad or tragic incident served as a wake-
up call. It is calling us to wake up to something deeper with us, a deeper level of love and
wisdom that wants to emerge from within and guide us in our life now.
Maybe we will have a major realization, an epiphany, or a series of smaller awakenings
or insights as a result of what has happened to us—something that will give renewed
direction, meaning, and purpose to our life.
We have been through the fire of suffering, of personal tragedy—our own “dark night
of the soul”—and it has resulted in our being even more present in our life. We are more
awake, freer, more unconditionally loving.
And we can now say, too, that while what happened in the past was a terrible thing, it’s
all, in the end, good. The more we are open to learning whatever lesson life has to teach us,
the more the lesson will come—and then we can move on.

The more we embody the message of this book, the more we will realize
that “moving on” really means we are even more present, that there is only
now, this moment…
 49

8. The Buddha’s “Secret”

I was teaching a workshop at the Esalen Institute, on the Big Sur coast in California. I
was lounging in the hot baths one morning before breakfast, looking out over the vast
Pacific Ocean below.
On this particular morning in the baths at Esalen, I was very aware of an immense
feeling of freedom—free from name, form, “story,” everything. I had just met the beautiful
and exotic Tanya as well, at a workshop I’d taught in Santa Barbara two months earlier, so
love was entering my life once more. My heart was wide open.
Then I swung round and looked up at a statue of the Buddha in the hillside garden just
above the bath where I lay. As I contemplated the Buddha’s partially open eyes, and his
mystical, half-smile, I suddenly heard a voice inside my head.
It was as if the Buddha was speaking to me, revealing his ancient yet timeless message
to humanity—his “secret,” as it were:
“I exist here, now, one with the ease, harmony, and flow of life… I invite you into the
same realization.”
In terms of tangible knowledge, the only thing we can “know” for certain is that we
exist here, now. In this very moment, we exist as the aware, loving people we are.
This was and is the Buddha’s secret. This is why he taught the supreme importance of
mindfulness, paying attention to what is here, within and around us, now.
Knowing ourselves as pure, loving existence here and now is the true power in life. We
don’t need any “story” to define us, or hold onto any image. This gives us tremendous
freedom to create a new, happy, “story” for our lives—and by sharing our freedom, inspire
others to find freedom too.

There is only ever this moment now, everything else comes and goes…
 50

9. The Only Thing we can “Know” for Certain

We exist here, now. That’s the one thing we can be sure about. We can feel our
existence. We don’t have to “believe” it. We can sense the aliveness and energy in our
body in this moment, and feel our connection to whole, which gives rise to the experience
of oneness, of love.
It is the one thing we can “know” with absolute certainty—that, and that we are not any
“story,” that there is only this moment now. After all, the next moment, even though we
may be reasonably sure about what is going to happen, is not guaranteed.
Even a prisoner condemned to death can, unlikely as it may be, get a reprieve from the
governor—or suffer a heart attack and drop dead, thus beating the executioner. Or, if he is
on a spiritual journey, awaken to the freedom within and suddenly be plunged, like the
Buddha himself, into the timeless dimension—in which case he has freed himself from his
fear of death.
This was the Buddha’s teaching too—the law of anicca, or impermanence. Everything
changes, comes and goes. It is the first of his three marks of existence.
The second, dukkha, or suffering, arises when we cling to, or identify ourselves as the
ego, with what is ever-changing.
The third, anatta, or no-self, is the same as the nondual realization that the “me,” the
ego, as an idea, a concept that “clings” to what is always changing, doesn’t exist. Seeing
that is freedom.
Coming back to the practical, worldly reality, we see how anicca, or impermanence—
which is the fundamental law of the universe—plays out.
The bank or investment group that holds our money could default or fail. The spouse
or partner we are going home to could change their mind about us and decide to leave us.
The house we live in can be destroyed by a fire, or some other natural disaster. The
business we work in and rely on for our income could go bankrupt—or we could simply
lose our job. When seen in this light, nothing is certain—except the fact that we exist, here,
now.
Take a minute or two to breathe, relax, and let every form of mental/conceptual
identification go—thoughts, “stories,” our ego, the “me,” and our “problems”—and just
sink into the feeling, the experience of existing here now…

Just notice how good it feels—to know that we exist in this moment, one
with the flow of all creation…
 51

10. What is Always Here

The sense of existing here, now, when we really settle into it, is characterized by a
quality of infinite, spacious awareness which has no center and no border—other than “us”
experiencing, feeling the aliveness of our existence here, now.
It truly is infinite, unbounded, and universal. It is what is always here.
Notice how everything we observe happening within and around us is also is also
characterized by a single quality: it comes and goes, arises and disappears within the
spacious awareness of our existing here, now.
This realization that the only thing we can “know” for certain is that we exist here, now
is the essence of what it means to be awake and inwardly free.
Every person who has found freedom understands that they are not their thoughts or
stories—not even their “I” and “me” thoughts—all of which come and go.
Rather, they are the ever-present, aware, conscious being or person who is existing
here, now.
They realize they are one with the silent background to everything, and that silence—
and love, or the feeling of oneness with all life—is their true nature.
This is why those who are awake and free talk about living in the present, in the
experience of here, now, so much. When we are awake to our true nature, to the fact of our
existence here, now, we realize that this moment right now is actually all there ever is.
Even when we imagine, think about, an event that will happen later, it too is only real
when “later” becomes the now. To see this, to recognize that we and existence are one, is
the true liberation from suffering.
Resistance to the present moment is the cause of all suffering. Awakening to the fact
that it is the ego “I” in you that resists is the beginning of freedom.
Make your ego “I” an object of observation. See it from the perspective of the pure
awareness you are. Notice how it comes and goes, appears and disappears in your
awareness, but you—as the awareness, the seeing—are always here…

Everything comes and goes, only now is real…

 52

11. Meditation and Mindfulness

“Meditation is the ending of thought. It is only then that there is a different dimension
which is beyond time,” said J. Krishnamurti, the spiritual teacher who lived in Ojai,
California, and the man who was my first spiritual inspiration.
True meditation—which is awakening—is to be aware of awareness itself, the
“different dimension” of which Krishnamurti speaks. It helps us reconnect with our true
nature, the beautiful beings we are.
To meditate is to be mindful. Meditation, whether it is sitting quietly or walking
somewhere, is just to be very aware of the ever-changing thoughts, beliefs, and stories in
our mind. It is to be conscious of the coming and going of our breath, and the arising
sensations, feelings, and emotions in our body.
Mindfulness, as a practice, is to focus on doing one thing at a time, which is an
important art in this multi-tasking world of ours.
How to meditate? I recommend we use the simple practice as a form of waking
meditation that we do throughout the day. We do it whenever we notice ourselves getting
lost in thought, in a story, regardless of whether it’s causing suffering or not. We
remember our mantra:
“Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?”
Then we take a few deep, slow, conscious breaths as a way of coming into presence.
Be alert and present in our body, with our feet solidly connected to the earth. If we can,
we may even take our shoes off, so we can feel the magnetic pull of the earth beneath
us. This gets us really grounded.
Maybe we even do the stepping-back practice, imagining ourselves a few inches
behind and above our heads, which is more the real “us,’ the pure awareness we are.
Then look within and see the truth for ourselves: that everything comes and goes in
our mind and body—thoughts, beliefs, “stories,” the ego “I” or “me” and its worries, as
well as our feelings and emotions. We can just love our ego as we watch it coming and
going—after all, it’s not the real “us.”
Just experience ourselves without any “story,” as being unconditioned awareness here
and now. Observe how we are always this. The real “us” is the open, loving awareness
or existence in which thoughts, “stories,” our ego “self,” and emotions come and go.
If we are not driving, experiment with closing our eyes for a few minutes, and see
how that feels. The more awake and free we are, the more we’ll experience no
difference between eyes closed and open.
 When we are not identified with thought, not even the “I” thought, whether our eyes
are open or closed, there is just the unfolding flow of the universe, life happening in and
through us, and we are one with it.
We just abide in alert presence, and no matter how much conflict may be happening
around us, we are in touch with the deep stillness behind everything.
There are many scientifically proven health benefits of meditation, among them
stress-reduction through deep relaxation; lowered blood pressure; healthier hormone
levels; and much less pain and inflammation.
As we learn to make peace with our past through having our heart open and loving
whatever suffering may be there—the second teaching—we come inevitably to asking what
I call the “big question” which is the liberation mantra.
But when we ask who is this “I,” this “me” we’ve been taking ourselves to be ever
since we were very young, we eventually realize that it, too, this sense of “self” we’ve
fabricated between our ears, is a fiction, a made-up story.
This deeply-ingrained sense of being a separate “self” with its “story” is the very
source of both our joy and our emotional suffering, our triggering. The more we
penetrate to the heart of this illusion, the freer we become of it.
Unconscious, buried thoughts, motivations, and emotions reveal themselves, and we
face them, welcome them too because they are showing us where we are still not free.
The deeper we go with our awakening, the more we see that it’s our ego’s voice that is
behind all our emotional reactivity, our stress and anxiety—are we are not our ego.
Rather, we are the clear, spacious awareness which sees, or notices, the coming and
going of our ego.
Then we are always, in a sense, meditating, living knowingly as awareness in every
moment. We do everything mindfully, from and with the awareness—the ease,
harmony, and creative flow—that is our true nature.
Whether it is sitting quietly, doing nothing; or interacting with people; or shopping; or
engaging in our work or a business transaction; or driving on the freeway; or laughing
and celebrating with friends, we now more effortlessly enjoy it all.
In learning to see without any “story” in the way, our hearts are more open, and we
naturally feel well-disposed, more loving toward every person we encounter. This is
the third teaching—the simple realization that this moment now is all we have.
Here is an affirmation I came up with decades ago to guide me in my own practice of
meditation and mindfulness. It is as timeless a statement of truth today as it was when I
first came up with it. It has the power to bring us quickly back to our true nature:

Supremely present, mind still, heart open,

I breathe in the beauty of this moment.
 54

12. Noticing Which “I” is Active in Us

The notion that our ego must be “annihilated,” popular in some spiritual traditions, is
a fallacy. Even after enlightenment, the ego’s voice is still there. We could call it the
“awakened ego,” to contrast it with the “unawakened ego”—or the conscious or
functional “I,” which is our true voice, the “I” of the being we are.
The ego “I” is the ego that we are still identified with—that we think and believe is
who we are. I am my name, my story, my emotional history, my nationality, my culture,
my religion, and my political affiliation.
“I very definitely am these things and I will react—defensively, even angrily, or with
doubts and insecurity—whenever what I believe is challenged or threatened” says the
ego “I.” In other words, it is all about me, me, me…
The greatest fear of the ego “I” is loss of control, and it will do anything—resort to
any rationalization, any action—to maintain at least the illusion of control.
The ego “I” lives in the past and future. It is often unhappy about its past, and is
always trying to get somewhere, into a new, better, or different situation in the future. It
is only satisfied with the present moment if its needs are being met—“my” needs.
This is why the liberation mantra is so fundamental to awakening. When we affirm,
“Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” we see that while we are not our ego “I” or “me,”
we still have a functional “I,” our true voice.
After all, whenever we say “I” or “me,” that’s our ego speaking. The ego is our
personal boundary-setter. We use it for planning, goal-setting and defining our personal
wants and needs.
The functional “I,” or the awakened ego is calm, clear, and very present. We use it
for our normal, daily routine, as in “I need to talk my partner,” or “I need to get ready for
work,” or “I need to visit the doctor.” Or we use it to share “stories” that are true, that
are healing and inspiring, or that carry a message that needs to be heard.
Learning to be inwardly vigilant so that we can distinguish which “I” is active in us
is essential on the path of awakening. If there is even the slightest trace of angst or
suffering, or “trying” to achieve something, or not thinking “we” are capable, we can be
sure it’s our ego “I.” We have lost presence and gotten caught up in our ego “I” again.
Be glad that we have seen it, because in the very seeing, we free ourselves from it...

Which “I” is active in us right now? Our egoic, reactive “I,” or our
conscious, functional “I?” Recognize the difference, and be free…
 55

DOING THE PRACTICE

Worrying about Health, Finances, or Meeting Someone

When we notice ourselves getting caught up in our mind, our thoughts, “stories,” and
worries about our heath, finances, or meeting someone that we’re not sure we can trust,
this is a perfect opportunity to do the simple practice. After all, our worrying is showing us
where we’re not yet free…
Gazing into a mirror, we say the liberation mantra to ourselves, “Who is this ‘me’ that
gets triggered?” and then really look within, to our own mind and heart, to see what is
true.
We breathe and become alert and present as get grounded in our bodies in this moment
now. We feel the aliveness in our hands, and in our belly. Then we close our eyes briefly
and look inwardly at what is so—that everything in our minds, our ego “I” or “me,” our
“stories,” comes and goes, but “we,” the awareness watching it all, are always here.
Then we experiment with being the pure, radiant awareness we are, free of any “story,”
looking out through our eyes, sensing with our body, feeling with our heart. We pay
attention to what’s happening in our environment—the sound of birds, a breeze rustling the
trees, a car passing by, the position of the sun if it daylight, or the stars if it’s night.
Or maybe we’re tossing and turning in bed with worry. Again, when we notice we’re
worrying, we breathe, get still, step back out of the drama, and recognize that it’s our ego’s
voice, the clamoring “me, me, me…” that worries.
This is a perfect moment to remind ourselves of the liberation mantra: “Who is this
‘me’ that gets triggered?”
As we look within, we can observe everything coming and going—concepts, beliefs,
“stories,” including the ego “I” or “me,” the “story-teller,” Yet “we,” as awareness,
consciousness, or pure presence, are very much here!
Then, from this place of pure presence, we can see more clearly the truth of our
situation. Is there anything the needs to be done around our heath, finances, or that meeting
in this moment now?
Probably not. We just got caught up again in needless worry or obsession—and, at the
root of our anxiety, this “I” character who has resentments and blames others, or “life” for
our problems. So we breathe, relax, and come back to awareness in this moment.
Then we look at what we can do, and this brief pause to do the simple practice has
allowed us to see it—to see what needs to be done about our situation. So, then we act to
address the next step, whatever that maybe.
 Maybe we decide to call the doctor or make that appointment with the alternative health
practitioner. Or call our accountant or apply for that job that will bring us much-needed
extra income. And whatever happens with that meeting, we can certainly trust that person
to be themselves—including, if such is the case, being untrustworthy.
Then we breathe a sigh of relief, and maybe smile with gratitude at the powers that be.
This practice really does work. It brings us right back to ourselves—the real “us,” the pure,
loving awareness or presence we are, prior to any thought, belief, “story,” or egoic “me”
image…
 57

Chapter Two

The “Stories” That Get in the Way

Of Our True Nature
 58

13. Our “Stories”

We are a story-telling people, and our stories are important, but the great freedom or
liberation is realizing that we are not our stories which—like the emotional reactions they
often trigger in our bodies—come and go. Rather, we are the ever-present awareness
which is here right now.
Stories are either life-affirming, which is to say positive, healing, and inspiring, or
life-denying, which is the opposite. A life-denying story is ego-based and lacks heart—
or it may have an element of heart to it, but when push comes to shove, our ego “I” will
contract and deny. Of course, many of the stories we tell have shades of both positive
and negative in them.
The obvious benefit of not being attached to or identified with a “story” is that we are
able to go with the flow of what is.
Most people, however, have a “story” about their current situation. They “believe”
their story is real, which is why they keep repeating it to themselves—and, often, anyone
who will listen—again and again.
And of course, the telling of their “story” creates a lot of pleasure if things are going
well, and emotional discontent or even pain if they aren’t.
They are always trying to “fix” their “story,” to “improve,” “change,” or make it
“better,” which just prevents them from seeing the real problem—their belief in and
identification with the “story” in the first place!
For example, the actual reality is that their health is failing, and the story they tell
themselves is “My God, I didn’t predict this,” or “I wish I’d taken better care of myself,”
or “What if I have to become dependent on someone else?”
Or maybe they live alone, yet really want to find a romantic relationship. They have a
“story” running inside their heads about “finding the perfect one,” or something similar,
and that leads them, sometimes desperately or hungrily, to search for “him” or “her.”
Or, as another example, a relative or friend has said or done something that hurts
them, and now they “believe” and hold onto a story of blame and resentment inside their
head, with the corresponding emotional reactions in their body.
And the actions these people take in regard to their issue or problem are almost
always initiated by the “story” they tell themselves, and the emotions they are
experiencing at the time. Their actions are typically a reaction to the perceived
“problem.”
They are not seeing their situation with true clarity—the clarity that comes with
seeing without a story, which then allows them to perceive opportunities where none
seemed to exist before.
The person whose health is failing, when they see their situation without any story,
will get a better idea of what they need to do next—change their diet, try a new therapy,
get a second opinion and, above all, breathe and relax, and again look at their situation
with new eyes.
The person wanting a romantic relationship will have that as an established intention,
and then will release it into the universe. He or she will then go about his or her normal
life, no longer thinking or obsessing about the “one”—no longer having any “story”
about it, other than maybe brief thoughts of, “Oh yes, I’m open to meeting my ideal
partner.”
And the person who has had their feelings hurt? Well, maybe they will read this
book, read about forgiveness, have done the simple practice countless times, and will
now be freer of this imaginary “self” that they believed they were for most of their life.
Then they may well reach out to the person who hurt them and share their realization
with them.
The more we realize we have a “story” but we are not our “story”—and especially
not this “I” who tells the “story”—the freer and more present we are. Then we can take
action, and we’ll have a new, life-affirming “story” to share as a result.
And the truest "story," of course, is about whatever is happening in this moment
right now…

The ego cannot survive without a “story,” whereas what we are in our
essence, pure, loving presence, needs no “story.” It just is!
 60

14. Honoring our Emotions

While awakening is realizing we are not our “stories,” the healing power of story-
telling is undeniable. We need to be able to share our stories of joy and suffering, of
laughter and emotional pain with each other.
As an example, early in 2018, the town of Montecito, California, just ten minutes away
from where I live, was devastated by terrible mudslides, which had been triggered by
torrential rains falling over a short period of time in the wee hours of the morning.
(Before Christmas, we suffered through the biggest wildfire in California's history,
which had denuded the hillsides, priming them for this disaster.)
Later, reports came from survivors that the mudslides sounded like a “locomotive
bearing down on them,” and then, as one person described it, a “wall of water, mud,
debris, and boulders ten-feet tall came crashing through the house, sweeping it off its
foundation.”
When I read the stories about the victims who had lost their lives, more than twenty of
them, of all ages—swept literally from the comfort of their beds—I burst into tears and
sobbed uncontrollably. Eventually I dried my eyes, resumed my normal emotional state—
of presence, ease, and a harmonious, inwardly happy flow—and went back to my job as a
part-time security guard at our local Art Museum.
That’s the thing about awakening. We feel all the normal human emotions, but only in
response to real—as opposed to imagined—events. After all, we’ve seen that the whole
world of “me, myself, and my ‘story’” that exists between our ears—along with all our
emotional reactivity—is a fiction, an illusion. Only now is real, which is the essential
realization of awakening.
So, someone’s story of struggling to overcome a setback or loss, or healing from
addiction, abuse, abandonment, betrayal, or being lifted out of poverty to success at
whatever level, can be an inspiration to us.
People also need the freedom to really “bitch,” if necessary, to get whatever troubles
them off their chests. They need a safe space in which they can do that.
But then they need the space to also see that whatever they are bitching or
complaining about is ultimately just their “story.” Regardless of any truth that may have
existed behind their story, it is not real now.
Then there are the stories of romance, love, and the renewal of hope, of the human
spirit that inspire us. We are all moved, sometimes deeply, by these stories, and are often
impelled to new or different action—to, in our own way, contributing to help change the
world, or at least our own corner of it.
Stories of death, or a terrible accident, or a lost battle with cancer or some other
disease have many salutary lessons for us, if we have but the ears to hear.
And who hasn’t been moved by the story of the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocide,
the struggle of black Americans to free themselves from slavery, or mass disaster like the
Southeast Asian tsunami that killed over 230,000 people? Then there are the endless
individual stories that have arisen—and are still being told, in the form of books, movies,
songs, exhibitions, and museums—from these events.
Corporations, businesses, and humanitarian causes have their “stories” too, usually
expressed in their mission statement, and in their culture.
The power of story to heal us, to awaken us to a new outlook or perspective, and to
transform our very lives is immense and almost limitless.
Why do I say “almost?” I say it because there is one thing a story, any story, cannot
do: it cannot set us free. It cannot liberate us completely and fully from suffering.
Why? Because so long as we are still identified with the “story” of this “I,” this “me,”
this ego “self”—the story-teller—we take ourselves to be, the potential for suffering will
always be there.
There is still an “I” who gets stressed, who worries about “its” well-being, who gets
offended, irritated, frustrated, or upset, who takes things “personally.”
This points to the limitation of positive thinking as a philosophy. It is certainly better to
think positively than negatively, but the real liberation is being free of the net of thought
altogether, and especially this “I” or ego “self” we take ourselves to be.
In other words, we have to see through the illusion of “self-identity” to be free. We
have to make the shift in perception that is awakening.
When we bring the clear light of presence to the situation, it invariably reveals its
own solutions. It is quite magical how it works!
The more we see how our negative thoughts and stories create and are the cause of
our emotional suffering, the more awake and free we are. We realize:
“It is just my ‘story’ that is upsetting me… But when I am present in this moment
without any story at all, everything is fine…”
And, because it is our very nature to share our stories with each other, we become
much better story-tellers. However, the stories we now tell are based upon our direct
experience of reality, not some fantasy we’re projecting into it—although there’s a place
for fantasy, of course.

The more we realize we are not our “stories,” the more our “stories,”
when we share them, have the ring of truth and authenticity, of healing and
inspiration to them.
 62

15. No Story, No Suffering

Everyone has a story, a perspective on events and circumstances, but it is just their
“story.”
People who are awake and free are committed to the truth, and the stories they tell are
invariably true stories, although sometimes they resort to fiction, fable, or myth to make a
point or share a message.
When the lawyers question the witnesses in court, those questioned usually have
different versions or “stories” about the case. The attorneys are seeking the “true” story
of a situation, the one that most accurately describes what happened.
“Truth is a verifiable story,” says a friend and colleague, Brent Phillips.
A story is anything we think or say to ourselves in our mind or share with others. It
may be as simple as a single thought— “Damn!” or “Careful…”—or more involved as
in, “I’m not sure about the way to do this,” or “I wonder if I’m ever going to meet my
true love?”
The “stories” we tell ourselves are elusive. They come and go, shift and change, arise
and disappear. We cannot actually find a thought anywhere between our ears—not even
the “I” or “me” thought, the story-teller we perhaps still take ourselves to be.
When we intently focus on a thought or story in our mind, the more we see it’s not
real because it disappears under our internal gaze—unless, of course, “we,” as this ego
“self,” keep the story alive.
But the fact remains that we, as the seeing, as pure awareness or consciousness behind
the coming and going of our “stories,” are still very much here.
Realizing the full impact of this truth gives us a taste of freedom, of true liberation.
We see that we have thoughts and stories, including the “I” and “me” thoughts which
comprise our ego or “self” identity, but we are not them, precisely because they come
and go.
What has happened is that with no “story” to fuel it, to keep it alive, the negative or
reactive emotion we were maybe experiencing just moments before drops away. Our
resistance melts. It literally dissolves, unwinds, and we are left with the experience of the
ease, harmony, and flow of our true nature.
We touch the deep silence that is what we are at the most essential level of our being.
In this flow, we trust the moment implicitly, and see everything with new eyes.
We have a fresh perspective on the so-called “problems” to do with our
relationships, work, or some other aspect of our lives—the problems that seemed such a
 big deal when we were caught up in our story, our thoughts, our mind.
We may well have a “story” going on in our minds—about a current project, a family
matter, a health issue, or financial consideration, or something else—but the proof that
we are awake and free is that we can drop it in an instant, and immediately be alert and
present.
When we have no “story” about suffering, we have no suffering—there is just what is.
This is living our awakening.

“Your past is just a story – once you realize this, it has no power over
you.”

Bruce Stephen Holms

 64

16. Stop Believing our Thoughts

Another way of describing the freedom that is the subject of this book is that it arises
when we stop “believing” in our thoughts, and especially the “I” and “me” thoughts.
A late friend, Wolf Ringler, told me this story about H. W. L. Poonja, a self-realized
master from India who attracted many Western students. When asked if he still had
thoughts, Papaji, as he was affectionately known, said: “Yes, but I no longer believe
them.”
“Every thought is a story,” was the realization of another friend and fellow teacher,
Gian Paolo Girardi, when we were having a dharma session one day.
However, to stop believing our thoughts is, for most of us, challenging. A thought
arises, and we tend to follow it, we tend to obsess about if it attracts our attention. We
build or fabricate a “story” about the real or imagined event or situation. Sometimes it
can be an intrusive or unwanted thought.
We then become identified with our “story” and this is reflected in our emotional
state—ease and pleasure if it’s a story or fantasy that we like, that comforts us, worry
and fear if it’s one that makes us anxious.
As we look deeply within, we realize more and more that our problem or issue, and
the emotional reaction, invariably arises from our perception of it—our “story”—which
is not real.
After all, a story—no matter how true or accurate it is in describing the facts, the
reality of a situation—is still just a “story,” appearing as thoughts, words, and images in
the mind. Our thoughts, momentary flashes of neuronal energy, only seem “real” for a
moment, and then they are gone. Poof!
So, this work is about finding a new relationship with thought. It is to discover that
because we can observe the coming and going of every thought that arises in our mind,
including the “I” and “me” thoughts, we cannot be our thoughts. Rather, we are what is
observing. And what is that?
We could call it the Observer, the Witness, or our Spirit but that is just more
conceptual information, more thought, more “story”—more identification. As Jean Klein
once said, by clinging to the idea of being a “Witness,” we paint ourselves into a corner,
and life becomes dull and uninspiring as we hang out in the “Witness-state.”.
So, the more we truly embody our wisdom and knowing, the more we just smile, and
say nothing—or, in the words of The Tao Te Ching, “Those who say, do not know,
those who know, do not say.”
 At the same time, however, if we find ourselves playing the role of a teacher or
guide for others, it is helpful to remind them of something like this: “When we stop
believing our thoughts, we become aware of a startling truth—we, as this conscious person,
very much exist here and now!”
Or, to express it even more directly: any truth that depends on a story is no truth at
all. Realizing that we are not any “story”—which is to see or understand with our “real
eyes,”11—is the essence of awakening, or self-realization.

The freer we are of this “me,” the easier everything flows in our life.

11
Many thanks to the late rap superstar, Tupac Shakur, for turning me on to this meaning of “realize.”
 66

17. How our Personal “Story” Began

The main barrier to experiencing the ease, harmony, and flow of our true nature is our
“story”—which includes our thoughts, beliefs, and social, cultural, and religious
programming—about who we “think” we are. This is undoubtedly becoming clearer to us
by now.
The reason why it is so challenging to stop believing our thoughts is that we’ve been
doing it for so long that it has become our ingrained, unquestioned habit.
We’ve been conditioned, or programmed, since we were very young to believe in this
little “me” story we’ve fabricated inside our head, our body, and our very being. Prior to
that, we experienced ourselves as pure sensory awareness, happy with life when it was
meeting our needs, getting upset when it wasn’t.
But around age two, because of the influence of our parents and others in our lives we
began to think and believe we were this “me.” Thus the “fall from Grace,” to use a
Biblical term, began.
For many of us, the basic story that formed this “I,” this “me” we took ourselves to be
was: ‘The world is not safe, and I must be on my guard…”
And ever since becoming identified with the little “me,” we often feel tremendous
anxiety at the thought of something “bad” happening to this “me”—the “person” we now
think and believe we are.
This becomes highlighted by the prospect of death. “What is going to happen to ‘me’
when I die?” we ask. It explains the tight hold religion, with its promise of heaven and
the after-life, has over so many.
The traumatic experiences in our childhood just reinforced this sense of a “me” that
was being hurt, abused, abandoned, shamed, and made to feel guilty, and so on. They
resulted in our telling ourselves a “story” that we were emotionally wounded or
victimized in some way.
There is a very important, yet simple link between thought and emotion that we must
understand if we want to realize inner freedom. Negative emotions, such as anxiety, fear,
anger, guilt, guilt, blame, shame, loneliness, and depression always have a thought, a
story linked to them—even though it may be unconscious—such as:

Why is this happening to me?

I shouldn’t feel this way.
I was abused or abandoned when I was a child.
 This person did such-and-such to me, and therefore they are bad.
I have a judgment about this or that person.
I don’t feel safe in this situation.
I fear rejection, or other people’s disapproval.

Now, the emotional reaction may have come first—the abuse, abandonment, betrayal,
or whatever—and often this is the case. When we explore them, these emotional wounds
and fears usually occurred in early childhood, and we carry the legacy of them decades
into our future. Our past, in a very real sense, has brought us to here, to where we are in
this very moment.
Our emotions are directly connected to our thoughts, and ultimately our sense of
“self,” this “person” we take ourselves to be. However, on this, the nondual, or direct
path to inner freedom, while we learn to accept, or at least not resist our emotional states,
we only have to look at whatever the thought or story is that arises between our ears.
In a way, it is like reverse-engineering our own emotional history, seeing the different
points in our own past which have contributed to our reactive personality, our buttons,
our vulnerable areas.
So, if we are having an emotional reaction, we feel it, experience it, and don’t resist it
through going into our head and analyzing it, explaining it, or telling ourselves another
“story” about it.
We breathe deeply and slowly into it—welcome it, in a word. We open our heart to it.
Then, as the emotion subsides—as it always does when we stop resisting it—we examine
the thought or story we were telling ourselves, and we notice something quite remarkable:
The thought or story, including the “I” or “me” thoughts—our very sense of “self”—
comes and goes, arises and falls way. Just as the emotional reaction, the suffering
triggered by the thought or the situation we find ourselves in, comes and goes, shifts and
changes.
Yes, the emotion may have first arisen long ago, as a result of something that
happened when we were young. The event was real then, but it is not real now. Only the
“story” we are telling ourselves, perhaps unconsciously, is keeping it alive.
As we begin to really see this dynamic unfolding within us, we intuit a deeper level of
truth, the liberating truth that:

Regardless of what we think or “believe,” we are always here as this clear,

aware, loving person—this human being—we are. So just breathe and be
alert and present here, now…
 68

18. The Connection between Thoughts and Emotions

Once I overheard a woman in a coffee-shop telling her friend, in a hurt voice, “I feel
so judged by him.” Therein lies the history of humanity’s suffering.
There is a very clear and definite connection between thoughts and stories in the
mind, and emotional reactions in the body. Once we see it, recognize it, realize it, we
have the key to freedom—true, inner freedom.
Emotions themselves are real—for the time they last. Anxiety, self-doubt, fear, hurt,
mistrust, envy, jealousy, resentment, blame, anger, hatred, shame, guilt, depression, and
the feeling of being isolated are all experienced as mild or strong sensations in the body.
They result from believing in or identifying with a thought or story of some kind, as
in “This person scares me,” or “I always feel anxious when I find myself in this
situation.”
But sometimes, as has been explained, the emotional reaction comes first, typically
from an early childhood trauma, and then a story is formed out of that situation, such as
“I was an abandoned or abused child.”
However, as we stay present with whatever we are experiencing, and allow ourselves
to feel whatever emotion is present without resisting it, the emotion will eventually
pass—although sometimes it needs be really felt, even expressed, first.
The main way we resist our emotions is by telling ourselves a story, as in: “I don’t
like what’s happening to me,” “I can’t stand feeling this way,” or “I hate feeling
depressed, lonely, or unworthy…”
We must see that that’s our ego’s voice talking, not the real “us,” the pure awareness
we are. The more we see it, acknowledging our ego’s voice, loving it as the “errant
child” it is, seeing how it comes and goes, it gradually fades into the background.
As we learn to welcome, to open our hearts what we are feeling—without any
“story” whatsoever—we find ourselves able to be with even very intense and
overwhelming emotions with less resistance.
This is the key to integrating dark, intense emotions. As we breathe deeply and be
with them, allowing the raw emotions to be present in us without any “story,” gradually
they will pass. We begin to realize the truth—that we are the calm, clear, changeless
awareness in which the emotions arise.
This takes time and practice. We are learning not to take our emotional reality
personally. When we face our dark emotions, eventually the stress and tension will
dissolve, and our body will relax. We find ourselves more awake and present in this
moment now.
Disturbing emotions can still arise occasionally—I speak more about this in the
lesson on “residues” in the next chapter—but we will more commonly find the general
sense of ease we experience upwelling into moments of joy, laughter, compassion, and a
deep, profound sense of gratitude.
Moreover, we realize ever more deeply that this moment, right here, right now is all
there ever is.
So, while we consciously use thought to honor the past and plan for the future,
including setting goals, we more and more live here, now, in the present.

The more clearly we see how our thoughts and “stories,” and the
emotional reactions they trigger, come and go, but we—the seeing—are
always here, the freer we are.
 70

19. Our Unconscious Thoughts and Motivations

As we become freer and more present, our unconscious thoughts and motivations
reveal themselves more clearly to us.
It is as if our mind is a pond. As the waters settle and become calm and clear, what is
lurking underneath becomes more evident to us.
Asking ourselves the question, “Where am I not yet free?” and then going deep
within our own consciousness, helps. We must be patient as we wait for some answer to
emerge from within we—from the deeper silence and stillness we are now experiencing.
We may sometimes be surprised, even shocked, by what we see, but if we are a true
spiritual warrior we will face whatever is there inside. We may flinch, but we will not turn
away.
Psychologists sometime refer to this as the “shadow.” Maybe we will see some
manipulative side to us that others, people who care about us have told us about, but
we’ve refused to acknowledge it.
Or some form of emotional insensitivity, or anger, or fear, or something to do with
our own sexuality which we judge as deviant in others, and thus don’t want to look at in
ourselves.
To become free of these traits, we don’t have to do anything, other than to say to
ourselves: “Gosh, I didn’t know I had that in me…” We embrace it, accept it, or own it,
and then just breathe, relax, and be supremely present, here now.
We come fully into the present moment and physically shake ourselves, if necessary,
to begin ridding ourselves of that old shadow energy. Then open up to all that is, here
and now. See everything with new eyes.

The quieter, more present, and more open we are, the more our deeper,
unconscious “stories” reveal themselves to us—and in the very seeing and
accepting of what is, there is freedom.
 71

20. Envy, Greed, and Jealousy

The emotions of envy, greed, and jealousy are all due to “stories” that arise from
comparing this “self” that we take ourselves to be with other “selves” that we perceive as
more successful or better off than us.
These other people have more money, drive a better car, own a bigger house, or have
prettier or more handsome or successful partners than us, and we find ourselves longing
for the same thing.
But this very common tendency to compare ourselves to others is just another trap,
further evidence that we are not connected to the always-present truth and creative
power within us.
Comparisons are fine, up to point. In the marketplace of daily life, they are a useful
tool for self-measurement, for judging how well we are doing in terms of our peers, as
in: “Could I be doing more, in terms of contribution or service? Do I need to improve my
knowledge or skills?”
But obsessing about how well we are doing financially and materially leads to our
becoming mired in envy, greed, and jealousy.
The fact is we are a beautiful, shining individual in our own right! We have all the
potential needed for our own inner peace and happiness. We just need to be more
mindful, more aware when we are getting caught up in a story of comparing ourselves to
someone, or a group of people, we think is “better off” than us.
So, we do the simple practice, reminding ourselves of the mantra, “Who is this ‘me’
that gets triggered?” Then we breathe, ground ourselves physically in this moment, and
feel the aliveness, the energy in our body.
We see the truth that everything comes and goes in the awareness, the seeing, the
presence we are—including this ego “I,” this “me” we’ve been so identified with..
Then we love ourselves through opening our hearts to our own suffering, which is
the second teaching, and accept, embrace whatever angst from the past is coming up for
us. We welcome our emotional reactions because they are showing us where we’re not
yet free.
We breathe slowly and deeply, and ask ourselves, “What’s the comparison story I’m
telling myself here?” Then notice the “story,” whatever it was, that we were getting
caught up in…
Then breathe again, and step back inwardly from all mental activity, from this “me”
thought in us that was caught up in envy or jealousy… Notice how the “me” thought
comes and goes, shifts and changes, yet “we,” as pure, watching presence, are always here…
Practice looking without any “story” at all…
As we settle into this moment now, a shift may occur. We may even have an “Ah
ha…” moment when we realize that we are enough right now, that we need or want
nothing in this very moment. We’ll find ourselves relaxing even more deeply into the
ease, harmony, and flow of our true nature.
Then from this place we, as the clear, alert person we are, as the changeless
awareness behind the ever-changing thoughts and stories in our mind, can look out on
the circumstances of our life with new eyes.
We see our situation anew, ways in which we can change or improve things, and we
act accordingly. And most important of all, we begin to tap into the love that we are.

See through the illusion of our ego “self” and negative “stories” such as
envy, greed, and jealousy—and the emotional reactions they trigger—and it
will all drop away, leaving us at peace and happy here and now…
 73

21. Guilt, Shame, and Depression

I read an article in Psychology Today titled "What Killed Anthony Bourdain?" The
author, who had written a book on love addiction, suggested that the celebrity chef and TV
host hung himself in his hotel room because he was depressed at the prospect that his
relationship with Asia Argento, the actress he was madly in love with, was ending.
“I am happier when I am with her,” Bourdain, who had a life-long history of
depression and emotional angst, told his friends.
I personally enjoyed watching his TV shows, like No Reservations, but little things he
would say led me to the realization that he was not awake and free—that he was very much
identified with his ego, with the “Anthony Bourdain” character.
He didn’t know himself at the deepest level, in other words—as pure presence, or
consciousness—and that, of course, was what led to his suicide.
Guilt, shame, and depression, and the accompanying feelings of wanting to hide or
withdraw from other people, and not be seen or “found out,” are among the most
powerful emotions we can experience.
It can drive us to such despair and misery that it can result, as it did in Anthony
Bourdain’s case, in suicide—the ultimate statement that: “I, this ego I take myself to be,
am right, my life is not worth living, and I’ll prove it by killing myself.”
Yet suicide is such a needless tragedy!
These emotions arise, of course, because people are not awake to who and what they
really are. They are trapped and run by very deep, often very old “stories” of guilt and
shame for things they have done in the past. Sometimes people are shamed by others
around them for simply existing, for being born into a particular religion, race, tribe, or
group.
Yet the “cure” for these powerful, life-denying emotions is, as we are seeing by now,
the same as for every negative emotion that still plagues us.
If we really want inner freedom, then we have to look within, probe deep in our
psyche, and look for the “stories,” the beliefs around our guilt, shame, and depression
that still define “us,” this “person” we take ourselves to be.
In the language of this book, we have to look within and see where we are still
identified—because we are surely identified with some old, yet still powerful negative
“story.”
Then, each time we feel these emotions, we learn to dis-identify with the “story”
behind them. This is critical if we want to be free. We have to stop, breathe deeply and
slowly, and welcome—or at least not resist—the emotional contraction in our body.
We have to see, to notice the particular thought or “story” behind the emotion. We
must realize that the story, no matter how deep or entrenched it is, does come and go,
appear and disappear—yet we, as the awareness that sees, are always here.
It takes work to free ourselves of old stories of guilt and shame—hard work in the
form of close attention. The tendency to want to flee, or run from the feeling will be very
strong, yet we must face it, this inner demon, if we want to be free.
If we become truly present whenever the emotion of guilt, shame, or depression arises
and breathe consciously and slowly to ground ourselves in the moment, we may observe
something that will liberate us.
We may see: “My God, I am not my story around this ancient guilt, shame, or
depression I’ve been feeling… I am not even this ‘I’ I’ve been taking myself to be all
these years… I am this, the pure awareness or consciousness that is here, now…”
Of course, we are not “pure awareness or consciousness” either. These words merely
point to what we actually are. They are among the best, the clearest pointers—words that
bring us back to here, now. But the word is never the thing described; the map is not the
territory; the menu is not the meal.
This realization will allow us to breathe deeply again, and relax with a little more ease
into the flow of this moment now…

Guilt, shame, and depression are powerful emotions that arise from a
“guilty” or “ashamed” or “depressed” sense of “self,” but when we see
through this “self” that we still believe we are, we find only freedom here
and now…
 75

22. Boredom and Regret

The past has a psychic weight to it, such that the more we cling to it, the heavier it can
grow year by year. We have to have made peace with our past before we can truly be free.
We have to have forgiven everyone before the last shreds of this “I,” this ego “self” can
dissolve in us, and we at last experience, on a more or less permanent basis, the love and
happiness that are our true, abiding nature.
A student, Robert, I worked with once told me that he’d been on a spiritual journey for
twenty years and had had several awakenings, such that he was now a lot freer and
happier, but the final realization of his true nature still eluded him.
As I inquired into his “story” to see where he was still attached or identified, two things
became obvious—boredom and regret.
Ever since he had been a very young child and had had to play by himself, “I’m bored”
became the phrase he most often told himself. Then, after many failed relationships, he
admitted to having some regrets about them.
“I’m bored,” and “I regret the failure of my past relationships” had become the two
“stories” that propped up—kept alive—the belief in this ego “self” that Robert still took
himself to be. They were the only barrier between him and the authentic inner freedom he
had been seeking much of his life.
During our sessions together, I helped him see this ever more clearly. From the place of
clear, aware presence here and now, I invited him to see how those very “stories” came
and went in his awareness—just as the emotional reactions, the feeling of boredom and
regret they triggered, came and went.
However, he, the seeing, was always here, was always awake, alert, vibrant, and
present in this moment now!
To help him see this even more clearly, I gave him a new “story”—the liberation
mantra. I had him repeat after me: “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” and take a deep
breath, and ground himself in presence, here and now.
Over time, as he embodied the mantra and welcomed his emotions instead of resisting
them, his ego-based “me” story of boredom and regret dissolved. He saw clearly that the
“me” he’d been taking himself to be, was not real, because it came and went. He was a
new man, with a new openness to and a fresh curiosity about everything.

Boredom and regret, however we express them, and no matter how

identified we are with them are, in the end, just “stories.” When we see that,
we awaken to the power of this moment now…
 76

23. Judgment and Self-Judgment

One of the chief ways this illusory ego or “self” maintains its hold over us and
controls or dominates our whole existence is through the mechanism of judgment,
deciding what is “good” for our perceived survival and well-being, and what is “bad.”
So long as we are not awake and free, we judge people, situations, and things, and we
usually project our judgments outward. A classic example of projection is a man who is
struggling with his own, closeted homosexuality telling others that homosexuality is bad,
sinful, or “wrong.”
People who are not awake to their true nature invariably do a lot of this kind of
projection in all their relationships. They look for and find characteristics and traits they
dislike or are critical of in others, which they typically resist or reject in themselves.
Often these personal traits are deeply unconscious—their “shadow,” in other words.
What are the judgments we have, which still bind us, and show we where we are not yet
free? Take some time to examine them—and explore the possible “shadow” belief
underlying them. Write them down, as in:

I don’t like overweight people (I struggle to maintain my weight).

I avoid the homeless (I’m afraid of being homeless myself).
I hate, and maybe envy, the rich (I want to be one of them).
I don’t trust foreigners (But am I trustworthy?).

As we do this exercise, we may see something about ourselves. We may realize just
how many judgments we have, and how deep-rooted the hold our judging ego has over
us.
This seeing can itself be enormously liberating as we realize that while we have an
ego, an “I,” we are not our ego, we are not the “I” thought.
Rather, we are always, always this awake and clear person who is here, right now—
we are the changeless awareness behind the ever-changing judgments, emotions, and
circumstances of our life.

The more awake and free we are, the more we use judgment not to
“protect” our illusory ego or “self” identity, but as a tool for discernment,
for making wise, loving choices—for good judgment.
 77

24. Religious Stories

Throughout history, people have invented many stories about God, from ancient tribal
beliefs and myths, all the way up to the beliefs we have today.
Each religion has its own story about the mysterious power behind all manifest
creation, whether it is Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, or any one of
the countless other religions that exist.
What they all have in common is their “story”—and that they depend on the story, on
believing in it and adhering to it, to attract and keep their followers.
And yet for anyone who reading this, who is interested in realizing freedom within
themselves, a simple fact has to be acknowledged: a story, even the noblest, most
beautiful, and most sacred of stories, is still just a story!
Even the word “God” is a “story” which can be interpreted many ways, depending on a
person’s religion, or philosophical bent, or the openness of their mind—and a “story” is not
the truth.
The truth is what exists in the wordless, timeless space of here, now. What exists here,
now? Us, reading this book, exist here, now. We are very aware of existing here, now.
The fact that we exist here now is undeniable. Indeed, it is the only thing of which we
can, in this very moment, be certain.
Reality is lived here, now. The more awake and free we are, the less need we have to
“believe” in anything, and that includes the religion we may have been raised in.
The freedom from needing to “believe” in anything is tremendously liberating.
Then we are open to loving everyone and everything—and yes, we can always
choose, consciously, to step back from, even reject, a behavior or situation not conducive
to the common good.
We understand more clearly how religions began in the first place: to give meaning
and purpose to lives that were otherwise bereft of true meaning, and to give people a
sense of community, of belonging.
As we awaken to the timeless truth within—the freedom, love, and joy that are our
inherent nature—living becomes naturally rich in all those qualities that religion, with
varying degrees of success, provided. Beauty, truth, love, and purpose are all ours as we
live and act from the depths of our true nature.
Our sense of meaning comes from existence itself—from being one with the
aliveness, fullness, and creative potential of this moment here, right now. Then we use
the power of story to create, communicate, and collaborate, but we are no longer limited
by it, and are no longer afraid of anything.
 Yes, most religions use a very subtle, though not necessarily intentional, form of fear
to hold sway over their followers. They rely on the fear of “God’s” judgment, and the
story about the “hell” that awaits those who incur His wrath.
It is what keeps believers in check and prevents them from straying too far from the
fold. It requires, usually, tremendous courage to break free from the hold of religion and
march to the beat of our own drum.
But when we do break free, we begin to realize that what we’ve been searching for all
along exists within us, and always has.
More and more, we will find that decisions as to what works best in relationships, in
society, and even in politics flow out of a clear, loving consciousness, free of any single
religious “story” or belief about what is best.
So, we will look around us, and even as we honor the truth, beauty, and sense of the
sacred that exists in all religions, we are just open to life, open to the endless creative
possibilities and opportunities awaiting us.
The more awake and free we are, the more we realize there is only one power behind
creation, whether we call it God, the Divine, or—as I and many others prefer—
consciousness, or the Universe.

Although the power behind creation is bigger than any of us individually,

each of us is an expression of it. Knowing this keeps us humble, in awe of
the great mystery…
 79

25. What to Tell our Children about God

If we have young children, they might ask us about how we all came to be here, and
who or what created everything. What “story” do we tell them?
First, before we tell them anything, really gaze lovingly into their eyes, and connect
with them at pure, being-to-being level. This is the most important thing we will ever do
with and for our children.
It lets them know, reassures them, that they are loved by us, and reminds them that
their true nature is love. The more we do this, the less our children will grow up with any
emotional wounding. Instead, they will grow up in freedom, with a real awareness of their
true nature, of the beautiful human beings they are.
After this moment, or a few minutes, of loving, silent communion, then we can
speak—or they may have something to communicate to us! In fact, they probably will.
Listening to our children, after all, is one of the most affirming and validating things
we can do for them.
To say that our true nature is pure loving consciousness, and that we all came from
consciousness and will one-day die and dissolve back into the vastness from whence we
came, is obviously a lot to wrap their little minds around—and not very comforting!
(I learned this the hard way, from trying to teach my son, Adam, this when he was
young. Looking back, if it did not directly contribute to some of the problems he
encountered growing up, it sure didn’t help!)
So, tell them whatever we like. Give them a good “story” about God, and heaven, and
the moral importance of being good and kind to others. Even have them, if we want, attend
church, temple, or the mosque so they get a more formal introduction to religion and its
“stories.”
After all, we’ve probably already told them many “stories” about other things in life,
like how storks deliver babies, or about the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and the Easter bunny.
A good “story” about God will help them make sense of their whole life, not just one
aspect of it. At the same time, let them know that God is found in the present moment—
throughout nature, and in the light in people’s eyes.
As they reach an age where they can self-reflect, we can begin to introduce them to the
truth: that any “story” is just that—a story.
We can teach them about their true nature, and that the “God” people venerate, or hate,
is really the impersonal, universal consciousness behind all creation (which is my “story!”)
And we are all emanations of this one consciousness, this power which is ultimately a
mystery. Try as we might, it cannot be figured out, at least so far. (Maybe some quantum
physicist will succeed one day.)
All that can be done, we can tell our children, is to simply embrace and enjoy life as it
unfolds in each moment. We can talk to them about how they will gather many, many
stories as they grow up, but they are never their “stories,” but rather the beautiful, young
people who are here, right now.
We can introduce them to the simple practice around age seven. Make a game out of it.
Let them know it is really all about being quiet, still, and very present and alert for a few
minutes—and discovering how much fun it is to do that, because they will discover
something brand new!
It is so easy with kids anyway, because they naturally are very present. They haven’t
developed this heavy and often-troubled sense of “me” yet!
Encourage them to notice how their thoughts, “stories,” and imaginings come and go,
but they—as the beautiful young people they are in their essence—are always here. Have
them notice how good it feels to be in this place of peace, aliveness, and creativity.
Have them realize that they can always connect with this place through the simple
awakening “game” whenever they have something on their mind bothering them...

Let our children know that every other child, throughout the whole world,
has—beneath all their self-doubt and struggles—this same beautiful essence
too. Let them know that the more they see it in others, the stronger it grows
in them...
 81

26. The Difference between Pain and Suffering

Pain is a fact of life. It comes with the territory of being human: physical pain from
injury or illness, emotional pain from the loss of a dearly beloved friend, or some other
devastating personal loss—our health, or our material fortunes, for example.
But the freer we are of this always-illusory “I” and “me” thought and its “stories,” the
briefer the emotional pain. We realize what we have lost, we grieve for it, and yet we are
always in the flow of life.
After all, it is what it is, and when we are awake to life as it is, we don’t resist what
is. We accept it, adapt to the new situation, make changes if we can, and flow with it—
whatever our situation—as best as we are able. Thus, we continue to live in peace, with
an inner serenity.
The same applies to physical pain, whatever it is. We don’t fight it, struggle with it, or
resist it. After all, as we become freer of the “I” and “me” thoughts, there is nothing in us
to resist, or put up a fight.
Rather, we relax and slowly, consciously breathe into the pain. We become infinitely
spacious around it, giving the pain the room it needs to express itself. The simple practice
is a wonderful tool for pain management and control.
We realize that who and what we are—universal consciousness itself, expressing
through our particular body—is vastly bigger than any pain we could ever experience. In
this way pain, no matter how intense it is, becomes tolerable. It becomes manageable,
because there is no “me” resisting the pain.
This knowing of who what we are is the very essence of the big realization. And, if
we need to take a drug or medication to help deal with extreme physical pain, we do. The
intelligent person uses, in moderation, every means at his or her disposal.
Suffering, on the other hand, happens when we are still identified with the “I,” the
“me” and “we” don’t like what is happening in our experience, as in:

I don’t like being alone.

I wish I was in a romantic relationship!
I hate having money problems.
My health is failing and I don’t like it.
I hate my job.

The solution is simple: to free ourselves from suffering, embrace the three teachings
that make up this book. We will look at them again in the next chapter.

To know the difference between pain and suffering—that the one is a fact of
life, the other an illusion, based on “stories” in our mind—and to embody
that knowing, is to bask in freedom.
 83

27. Feeling the Pain without a “Story”

I have worked with many people whose physical or emotional pain, or some form of
kundalini energy they had awakened to within, was so severe that it was a major
distraction in terms of their being able to do the practice.
They feel themselves in the grip of too many “stories” of shame, guilt, low self-
esteem, and depression.
With these people, I will sometimes suggest a guided meditation that addresses
intense pain specifically. Countless such meditations, often with soothing, relaxing
imagery, can be found on the internet.
Then I will guide them into looking within their body for this “me” that they take
themselves to be. After all, because of their severe pain or distress, such people are forced
to be very kinesthetic, or very aware of their bodies.
When I asked one such person where her sense of “me” was located, she replied: “I
can definitely sense it as a contraction… Kind of like a heavy energy in my solar plexus,
and somewhat in my heart.”
“Then make that your meditation…,” I suggested. “Taking a few deep, slow breaths,
and then sitting and being with this heavy sense of ‘me” you experience in your solar
plexus, but without any mental identification… Just pure, here-and-now presence…”
A few days later she checked in with me by email. “I’ve been breathing and doing the
practice of contemplating this ‘me’ in my belly,” she wrote, “and when I look for it, I
cannot find it… And that puts me more at ease, it helps me relax more … The pain is
slightly more manageable…”
I encouraged her to continue her exploration, and sooner or later she would realize
that she was not the “me” she was looking at, but rather she was the awareness looking.
Eventually though, if people really want the freedom and the healing that only
awakening brings, they are going to have to look at and see that they are not any of the
“stories” they have been identifying with for so long.
So when individuals are experiencing really troubling physical pain, or a persistent
emotional condition such as anxiety, fear, depression, sadness, or anything else that
disturbs their underlying sense wellbeing, I will say to them:
“Just try experiencing your pain or suffering without any ‘story’ about it—any
thought, belief, or judgment—whatsoever. Resist the mind’s tendency to want to say,
‘this pain is awful,’ or whatever…”
The more they can do that, the more they can just be present with whatever is going
on in their body, the sooner the disturbing energy or emotion will shift, and the sooner
they will feel a sense of ease and lightness.
They will have a taste, a glimpse of their true nature, that they are pure existence here
and now, and that everything else—thoughts, feelings, emotions, even the “I” and “me”
thoughts, the very “person” they took themselves to be, and the actual pain—comes and
goes, shifts and changes.
This is the main story that has to be seen through: the “story” of “me,” the “I” that has
the pain.
When that is seen through, we experience a lightening, a diminishing, of the pain.
Then we are just present, with no “story,” and we realize, finally, that we are bigger than
anything that can happen to us—which includes even the worst pain.

The more we experience disturbing pain without any “story” about it, the
sooner the pain shifts, changes, even dissolves… And opens us up to the
awareness of presence itself, our true nature… And we have more breathing
room…
 85

28. The Dark Night of the Soul

As we explore our deeper, unconscious thoughts and drives, we may find ourselves
having a “dark night of the soul” experience, where the existential pain becomes such
that our lives feel devoid of meaning and purpose.
Many of us are afraid of the dark, and the last thing we want to do is look into it,
especially the darkness within us. We feel very vulnerable, yet this vulnerability, if we
can learn to be present with it, is our edge, is the place where a deeper level of growth,
learning, and freedom occurs.
There’s an old Irish saying: “If we run away from a ghost, it will chase us and haunt us
for the rest of our life. But if we stop and turn and face it, it will disappear, because ghosts
aren’t real.”
We’ve got to learn how to be with these “ghosts” of the past, to ride the current of
intense suffering, if need be, and stay with it even as it’s kicking our very ass. We may
have to take frequent breaks, “coming up for air” to clear our heads and become more
present, before diving back in again wrestle whatever “demon” we’re grappling with.
Then, eventually things will settle down. The more we stay with the energy of inner
turmoil, no matter how dark or fearful it is—remembering always to not identify with
anything—the freer we become of it. We must be true spiritual warriors to do this.
We must be really present with these feelings, this deeper angst. We must breathe
into them, and be very alert, watchful, almost like a scientist in our curiosity to discover
what is true in us.
Stay the course, face whatever intense suffering our “dark night” experience brings
up without any “story” about it, and—sooner or later—we will experience a true
breakthrough, and light will dawn again.
We will breathe a deep sigh of relief as we realize we are perfectly okay, without
needing any reassuring “story” to prop our ego up, in this moment. And we will realize,
ever more deeply, that there is only this moment…

The sooner we turn within and face our “demons,” the quicker they
disappear. After all, they were never actually real in the first place!
 86

29. Haunted by a Lover Who Committed Suicide

I worked with Ben, who lived in Detroit and was in his early fifties, by phone for half-
an-hour every two weeks.
One of the main “demons” that had been haunting him had to do with his first lover.
Ben, who was gay, had been with Shane since high school, but soon after Ben’s 21st
birthday, Shane committed suicide by hanging himself.
“I kind of saw it coming,” he told me. “Shane was depressed, and had low self-worth,
but I’ve never really forgiven him for taking his own life… Even though it’s been thirty
years now, I think about him—sometimes with sadness, sometimes with anger—every
day…”
Ben and I worked on this through the forgiveness practice, which I describe in Chapter
Four, and through seeing, again and again, that Shane’s suicide was real when it happened,
but wasn’t real now.
As he faced the “story” of his anguish around Shane’s suicide, and became more
present, he finally had a genuine awakening to his true nature. It happened, he said, as he
was reading a book I’d recommended, called Gateless Gatecrashers by Ilona Ciunaite and
Elena Nezhinsky.
It is a collection of stories about how real people woke up to their true nature using the
authors’ “direct pointing” approach, which basically points to the fact that the “I” or “self”
we take ourselves to be cannot be found.
Ben had heard me say the same thing again and again during our work together, had
been diligent with the practice of remembering, and affirming the liberation mantra, “Who
is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” whenever he found himself suffering, and it finally sunk
in.
At a certain point during his reading, something shifted, and he saw, with utter clarity,
that he was not the “I,” this “Ben” character he’d taken himself to be all his life. Rather, he
was the seeing. He was the ever-present awareness behind everything.
As he shared this, I could tell by the sense of wonder and innocence in his voice—
something I’d never heard before—that the shift was genuine. There was not a trace of ‘I,’
of ego in him as he was describing it.
While the luster of that awakening wore off in time—as it always does—it resulted in
Ben’s being much more present, and freer of the idea of being “Ben.”
In subsequent sessions we explored his tendency to be always thinking and over-
analyzing everything, with the result that he sometimes found himself getting bored, or
mildly dissatisfied.
I counseled him that boredom or dissatisfaction was a sign that he was getting lost in his
mind, in identifying with his thoughts—especially his ego “story”—and that was his
reminder to come back to now, to being more and more present, and less in his head.

We cannot be free in the present until we’ve made peace with our past.
And we make peace with our past by seeing it was real once, but it’s not real
now. Only the present moment is real now...
 88

DOING THE PRACTICE

Feeling Guilt, Shame, Judgment, or Actual Physical Pain

Whenever we feel or experience guilt, shame, self-judgment—or get caught up in

negatively judging others (which is invariably a projection of our self-judgment)—that’s
our signal to do the simple practice.
We stop and come back to alert presence. Gazing into a mirror, we affirm the mantra,
“Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” and embody its spirit through breathing and getting
grounded in this moment.
Then we notice how everything we’re thinking right now—the guilt, shame, or
judgments, and the feelings of anxiety, nausea, stress, or self-righteousness they evoke—
are ultimately “stories” that come and go in the always-present, open-hearted awareness we
are.
They are our ego’s voice, and not the real “us.”
Yes, even our “I” or “me” thought, this ego “self” called “John” or “Mary” which we
most personally identify with, comes and goes. This must be realized or seen—
understood—with our “real eyes.”
What we see—that we’re not any concept, idea, label, or emotion or feeling—can blow
us away in its profundity. It is so powerfully liberating. Everything we think or say or feel
comes and goes in our awareness, yet “we,” as the pure, changeless presence which is
aware of everything, are always here.
This awakening—or big realization—prepares us to deal with physical pain, because the
more we realize the freedom and love that are at the heart of our true nature, the more we
can flow with whatever physical pain may be there.
Fundamentally, awakening is about realizing ourselves as the universe, so that we don’t
take the pain—or anything else, for that matter—“personally.” This being free of the
“person” allows us to deal with the pain in a practical way.
While we know that as the universe, we are way, way bigger than anything that can ever
happen to us—the big realization—still, we honor our humanity, our “personal self,” and
use whatever drugs or medicine best help ease our pain.
And if nothing can be done? Then we live with it, accept it, find a way to tolerate it—
or, if it goes on for years, and is extreme to the point of endlessly exhausting us, then
maybe we realize it is now time to make our gentle exit…
 89

Chapter Three

Seeing Through our “Stories”

 90

30. The Simple Practice Revisited

The beauty of the simple practice is that there is no special, eyes-closed meditation;
no yoga or other exotic body movements; no restrictive diet; and no chanting, sacred
rituals, or esoteric rites.
It is just a matter of whenever we find ourselves lost in or getting distracted by a
thought or “story,” or are having an emotional reaction to someone or something, we
remember to come down out of our heads and back to the present moment.
We come back to seeing without a “story” in the way, interfering with our clear
perception of what “is” in this moment.
To help us embody this, make it real in our lives, we can do the mirror meditation,
affirming the liberation mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” as we gaze into
the mirror.
Then we take a few deep, slow breaths down into our belly, unlock our knees if we
are standing, and feel our feet on the ground. Be alert, yet relaxed, and feel the alive
presence in our body, the fact that we exist, here, now.
Then notice how everything in our awareness—our thoughts and “stories,” the “I” or
“me” thought with its endless worries and concerns, and our feelings and emotions—
comes and goes, yet we are always here.
Become aware of our true nature as awareness itself, the alive existence in which all
sounds, sights, sensations, thoughts, and “stories”—even the most personal of stories, the
“I” and “me” story—come and go, arise and disappear.
Realize or feel ourselves to be the awareness in which everything happens, in which
everything comes and goes, shifts and changes. This includes, obviously, all our
thoughts, beliefs, “stories,” the “I” and ego thought, as well as our emotional reactions.
If the ego “I” is especially persistent in our awareness, with its judgments, criticisms,
expectations, and negative self-talk, just step back and love it—as opposed to resisting
or struggling with it, which only makes it stronger.
Then see how it comes and goes, and let it fade into the background. After all, it’s
not the real “us,” the beautiful, powerful people we are—it’s just our reactive ego doing
its thing.
Then we put the mirror down, go the next thing, whatever that is.
If we do this practice enough throughout the day, remembering our mantra, “Who is this
‘me’ that gets triggered?” then eventually we will have the big “ah ha,” the big
realization.
We will know ourselves as the pure existence, the awareness in which everything
comes and goes, this is assured. We will be awake, at least in this moment, to the love
and freedom of our true nature.
Remember: the more we see how our thoughts and stories come and go, but we— as
the seeing—are always here, the easier it is to let go of them.
In fact, the more present we are, the more our thoughts and stories just drop away,
dissolve, on their own. We don’t even have to “let go.”
As we learn to see every situation we find ourselves in throughout the day without
projecting any story or belief into it, any problems or challenges we may face will reveal
themselves to us as they are.
We will see them with more clarity and insight and will intuitively know what to do
about it—or, at least, have a better idea of the next step we need to take.
We are literally seeing with the eyes of the universe, and this, above all, is the source
of our supreme confidence and trust in life, and our ability to handle whatever challenge
may arise.
Truly, it is just as William Blake, the 18th Century British poet and mystic said: “If
the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, Infinite.”
A good reality-check is to ask ourselves this question at the end of our day: “How
present was I today? Did I see things essentially without any story, or was I in my head,
identified with and obsessing about this or that?”
As we look back on our day, we will notice the times when we were present, living in
awakened consciousness, versus those when we were lost in thought, in our story—when
the voice of judgment, expectation, or some other distracting thought was taking over.
Acknowledge what was so, and then come back to simply being present, open, and
loving in this moment now—just this moment now.

We are either present, or we are lost in a “story.”

 92

31. Love our Triggers Revisited

Whenever we experience conflict, upset, or suffering of any kind, we must, as I said in

the Introductory Pages, learn to open our hearts to it and love it, to welcome it.
Specifically, our reaction is showing us where we are still caught in this ego “I” that
takes things so, so personally.
We can use the mantra: “Ah, I love this angst or suffering because it is showing me
where I am not yet free.”
Maybe welcoming is still difficult for us. “How the hell do you expect me to welcome
this disastrous thing that’s happened?” the ego says.
Okay, so we have our reaction, and get upset, angry, frustrated, sad, despairing or
whatever. But then, at some point, things will settle down, and we’ll remember, “Uh oh,
I’m getting caught up in my ego’s ‘story’ again,” and we’ll breathe, relax, and come back
to simply being aware, alert, and present in this moment.
We affirm our simple mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?”
The more we look deeply and honestly within ourselves for the ego’s “story” that
triggered our reaction, the more we will discover it. There’s always a “story,” a memory of
some previous hurt of trauma, behind our emotional reactions.
The more we embody the truth of awakening, the more clearly we see the source of our
own reactions—and seeing is freeing.
So, as we learn to welcome whatever the trigger was—a person judging or rejecting
us, or something negative we thought or imagined had happened—we identify the
thought or story behind it.
Maybe we told ourselves: I am angry, envious, jealous, bored, upset, or confused, or I
don’t feel safe at all. Then, when we see the connection, we realize: “My God, I was really
caught up in a story there!”
Here is a good exercise we can do when we have a spare half-hour or more. Keeping
in mind the question, “What’s the ego story I’m telling myself here?” take some time to
write down all our emotional triggers, the people or situations which push our buttons.
Write down the ways in which we’re not yet free, and the “stories” or beliefs that
underlie each of them.
Then, when we are done, look them over and start noticing how our beliefs or
“stories,” just like the emotions they trigger, come and go, and have shifted and changed
over the years. There are situations that may have triggered us once, but not anymore.
However, the fact remains that we, as the awareness that watches what’s arising in our
body/mind—and sees our list written out in front of us—are always here. This awareness
that we are is changeless, timeless, and ever-present.
We may have to sit and study our list, and then meditate and reflect on it many times
before we begin to feel ourselves as the changeless awareness, or observer of our
thoughts, our “story,” and any emotional effects in our body.
But just doing this exercise alone can bring about a shift in us, a deeper realization of
our true nature, and more freedom from the “I” that, when we identify with it, takes
things so personally, and as a result suffers.
However, no matter how much we try to love what is, if there someone in our past
that we fear, or have resistance to—they irritate or upset us or push our buttons in some
way—that must be addressed.
We must realize that it is the wounded child within us that is reacting. It can help, in
our imagination, to love it and comfort it, and invite our inner “child” to say whatever
needs to be said to this person who hurt us, including expressing any pent-up feelings that
are still there.
There is a relatively easy and gentle way of doing this visualization and imagining
what the offending person’s life must have been like when they were a child, so that we
can come to true forgiveness. It is described in lesson 50 in Chapter Four.
The sooner we welcome, open our hearts to every experience that arises within us—
including negative feelings such as self-doubt, anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, loneliness, or
whatever—the quicker we awaken self-compassion.
And the more we awaken, the more we find ourselves saying, or thinking: “Bring it
on—I want to see where I’m not yet free!”

As we develop self-compassion through opening our hearts to our own

suffering, a deep compassion for others unfolds, and we’re able to embrace
the suffering of the world…
 95

32. Love our Triggers—Part 2

We must pay attention to those times when we emotionally react to a situation, real
or imagined—when we resist it, in a word. This inner vigilance is a real key to freedom.
Deep, slow breathing helps smooth out the energy of anxiety, or any other emotional
disturbance we may be experiencing. Feeling the aliveness in our body and the energy
around us helps us become one with the moment.
Being anchored in body-centered presence like this temporarily silences the voice in
our head, the self-doubt, the endless questioning of ourselves. We cannot really think
and be present.
So, whenever any conflict, upset, or suffering arises in we, we’ve got to be present
with it. Eventually, as I just said, we learn to welcome it because it is showing we where
we’re not yet free. The more we welcome, the more our heart opens.
As we become more relaxed and present, we will at some point—assuming we really
want to awaken to inner freedom—ask ourselves something like this:
“Well, I see more and more clearly that I am always here, I don’t come and go like
my thoughts, “stories,” and emotions, but just who—or what—am I?”
I simplify this inquiry into the liberation mantra: “I am not this ‘I’ thought that comes-
and-goes...”
But as a different approach, whenever we notice ourselves getting caught up in a
thought or story and not being present, we can ask ourselves any of the following
questions—or some variation of them that appeals to us. (I used to call this the “big”
question):
“Who is this ‘I’ having this thought?” or “Who is this ‘I’ telling the story” or “Who
is this ‘I’ that feels this way?”
Then look inwardly within our own psyche, our consciousness, for the answer. Make
the question an object of observation—see it standing there in our awareness.
The best way to ask these questions, of course, is when we are we are very present,
when we are in the awakened space. Then the answers quickly become obvious.
“Answers” will come and go as to who or what we are, but we realize that they are
simply thoughts or “stories,” too—more conceptual objects, “identities” that appear and
disappear in the awareness we are.
Eventually we will see, understand, that who and what we are is the clear, calm, and
energetically harmonious awareness that is always here, amidst our ever-changing
thoughts, “stories,” our ego or “I” story, and our feelings and emotions. The deeper this
realization, the quieter our mind and the calmer our emotional reality.
 We can apply this question to a specific situation we may be dealing with—and
again, the realizations are always more powerful when we do the practice.
. For example, if depression is a problem for us, we can ask, with a lot of self-
compassion: “Just who is this ‘I’ or ‘me’ who’s depressed?”
Or if we’re not sure we can deal with something, and are anxious, we can ask: “Who
is this ‘I’ who is afraid he/she can’t handle this?”
Or if we don’t trust our partner, or other people, because we have a history of
betrayal, we can ask: “Who is this ‘I’ that doesn’t trust?”
Or if the rent is due, and we are afraid we won’t be able to pay it, we can ask: “Who
is this ‘I,’ this ‘me’ that’s afraid of not having the rent?
As we try to locate the actual source of this “I” or “me” thought—the ego, the story-
teller—we take ourselves to be, we may have to look deep into our past, into some
childhood trauma of abandonment, abuse, or betrayal.
We may have to face some aspect of our past—some old “demon”—and
acknowledge to ourselves that while it was real then, it is not real now. We must extend
real compassion to ourselves as we do this.
But no matter how deeply we inquire, investigate, or probe into the depths of
ourselves, we must eventually accept the truth: “we,” as a psychological/emotional
identity, as a thought, a concept, a “story,” cannot be found!
Or it can be “found,” but only as our ego’s “story,” which is only “real” to the extent
we keep it alive by thinking about it, dwelling on it, regurgitating it ad nauseam.
Yet we, as the awareness who sees or experiences what’s arising in our body/mind,
very much exist here and now. “We” don’t exist as a thought, concept, or image, but we
very obviously exist as an aware human being.
When this is realized, what else is there to do but breathe and relax into the clear,
spacious awareness or presence—the beautiful person—we are?
Meister Eckhart said, “The less there is of ‘I,’ the more there is of God.” Awakening
teaches that this “I,” because of the way it comes and goes, shifts and changes, is not
even real—and yet we, as these conscious human beings, very much exist.
We are the changeless awareness behind our ever-changing thoughts and “stories,”
feelings and emotions. The more this is realized, or seen fully, the more we live in the
present, just this moment now.

“The ego makes a poor master but a very good servant.”

Source Unknown
 97

33. This Moment Now Revisited

Living without identifying with any “story” at all, which is essential for unconditional
love, is challenging for most people.
Why? Because until they awaken to the truth within them, people believe they are their
“stories,” and especially their ego “story,” their “me, myself, and I” story. They don’t know
anything else.
To think of letting it go is, understandably, quite terrifying to them. Yet this believing in
and identifying with different, conflicting “stories” is why the world continues to be in the
mess that it’s in!
The good news is that to shift from being identified with our “stories,” with all the joy
and suffering that that entails, into our true, awakened nature, is simply a function of
seeing, or realization. Hence the first teaching, the simple practice.
There is nothing we need do. In fact, all “doing”—whether meditation, chanting,
esoteric breathing exercises, or some other exotic ritual—just delays realization.
Obviously, there is nothing “wrong” with any of these, and I’ve used all them at one
time or other, but they just don’t lead to awakening. Only seeing the truth does—that we’re
not any “story,” because our “stories” come and go, yet we, the seeing, are always here.
This must be seen again, and again, and again, until it finally sinks in. This is why
nondual teachings—as in this book—are so repetitive, although if they are delivered in a
state of true presence, they somehow always sound new.
With the realization of our true nature—and that we’re not any “story” at all, least of all
the story of “I” and “me”—we then embark on what I call “right action,” or our true
purpose. Right action is loving and serving out fellow human beings during our day, in
whatever way we choose, in a way that feels right to us.
This is the promise of the third teaching, and it happens naturally—that love for
everyone and everything—as our hearts open and we have compassion for ourselves. It
happens as we open to what’s underneath all our beliefs, images, and “stories” about
ourselves, and especially the “story” of “I,” this ego “self” we once took ourselves to be.
The more we awaken to the truth of our being, the more we cannot help but love
everyone and everything—even though, as I said, we will reject any action or behavior of
theirs that is destructive, or unloving. We embody the truth of this moment now.
In the end, we’re profoundly grateful to just be here, and this pours out of us as love.

Love, we discover, is what we are behind the coming and going of our
many “stories.” Then love becomes our new “story.”
 98

34. Stopping the Mind vs. Stepping Back from It

The first time I awakened to the truth that I was not my mind, but rather the clear,
spacious, and always-present awareness behind the coming and going of my thoughts,
was when I was studying the work of J. Krishnamurti.
In Chapter Four of his book, On Education Krishnamurti talks about the importance
of denying thought, of wiping away thoughts as they arose.
“Do I deny when I am shaving, and I remember the lovely time I had in
Switzerland?” he wrote. “Does one deny the remembrance of a pleasant time? Does one
grow aware of it, and deny it? That is not dramatic, it is not spectacular, nobody knows
about it. Still this constant denial of little things, the little wipings, the little rubbings off,
not just one great big wiping away, is essential.”
When I read these words, their effect on me was quite profound. I’d be lost in my
thoughts, would remember Krishnamurti’s “method” (though the man himself, with his
disdain for “techniques,” would have denied it), follow his suggestion of wiping
thoughts away, and soon my mind would be clear.
I called this process “stopping the mind.” I would still have thoughts, but now they
were no longer a problem. I’d be senior to my thoughts, or behind my thoughts. I could
think about anything, even something that I’d previously judged as “negative,” yet my
thoughts had no power over me.
Space would open in my mind, my consciousness, and I’d be one with that “deeper
dimension” Krishnamurti spoke of. However, I would always revert to being identified
with my ego “self,” so the freedom I most deeply sought continued to elude me.
This is why I moved on from Krishnamurti, and a few years later, Jean Klein
appeared in my life. With hindsight, I understand why. Krishnamurti emphasized
freedom from thought, but not specifically the “thinker,” the ego “I”—at least I didn’t get
that from his teaching.
Even though he would say things like, “Love is where the me is not,” or “Beauty is
where the self is not,” I was still caught in the duality of being the “doer,” the “thinker”
wiping his thoughts away. Krishnamurti didn’t emphasize that believing in the “me,” the
ego “I” was the core delusion in the way Jean Klein did.
Jean’s approach, coming from the pure nondual tradition, pointed to the fundamental
illusion of the “doer/thinker,” the ego “I” that was behind the thoughts.
(For a few years after meeting Jean, I was aware that both men had the same initials,
and I wondered whether I wasn’t just substituting one “guru” figure for another!)
Then, soon after I met Jean, he suggested the practice of “stepping back” from the
mind, and that it was not dissimilar from Krishnamurti’s “wiping thoughts away” was not
lost on me.
Whenever I did this “stepping back” practice the thoughts in my mind would dissolve,
the tension in my body would unwind, and I’d feel freer, more relaxed, and more present.
Because I had already begun to look at the ego “I” in me, it brought an even deeper level
of freedom.
The more we do this practice of stepping-back, out of our own “story,” even just for a
few minutes, the more it dawns on us: “When ‘I’ get lost in my thoughts and stories, in
my expectations, judgments, and beliefs, I don’t see life clearly…”
And the more we see all situations in our life without a story, the closer we will come
to the most liberating realization of all. And what is that?
We are not any thought or story, and not even this “I” or “me” idea, the story-teller
we’ve been identified, that we thought and believed we were, our whole life. Yet we, as
conscious awareness, are very much here.
Eventually, as I said in the Introductory Pages, as we awaken more fully to the truth
of our being, we will not need the stepping-back practice—or, indeed, any technique. A
simple remembering—“Uh-oh, I’m getting caught up in a ‘story…”—will be enough to
bring us back to the present moment.
That, or the remembering of our simple mantra…

Affirming the mantra “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” brings us
increasingly to the realization that the “I” or “me” cannot be found, yet
“we,” as pure, loving consciousness, are very much here…
 100

35. Seeing our Mind as a Virtual Reality

Another good “pointer” is to see the world between our ears, the world of “me, myself,
and my story” for what it is—a virtual reality, just like that existing in our computer or
smartphone.
And what is the nature of a virtual reality? It is illusory—it doesn’t actually exist. It
only appears when we turn our device on, and when we turn it off, it’s gone.
So it is with our mind. We begin to realize, when we stop and become very present,
very alert that, just like a virtual reality, our thoughts come and go. Even the thought “I,”
the ego “self” we’ve been identified our whole life, is part of this virtual reality too. When
we reach out and try to grab a thought, it disappears. The entire world of thought is a
mirage—it doesn’t actually exist!
When we see that, and when we realize we are the awareness or consciousness that
very much exists, and that sees, then we have the power to control the flow of the thoughts
that pass through our mind.
Just like programming a computer itself, or designing and constructing our own web
page, the more we dwell in the awakened space, the more power we have to choose our
thoughts.
And with the thoughts and intentions we choose, we control our experience in the
world—we shape our life and our circumstances. This is the real power of focused
attention, of knowing ourselves as the awareness behind our thoughts.
So, what are we going to create today? Maybe we will just sit with the knowledge of all
this—let it sink in and digest, so to speak. That way the knowledge of the truth within us—
this power we have to create our life—becomes more embodied, and thus more available
to us. Then we can use our power wisely, guided by our loving and compassionate heart.
Seeing our mind as a virtual reality which comes and goes—and not what we are,
which is the ever-present seeing itself—is seeing our mind as it really is.
See it right now… how everything in your mind some and goes, but you, as the seeing,
are always here!

If our mind is a virtual reality, then our heart is the wi-fi that connects us all
through the energy of love—and the password is “now.”
 101

36. Welcoming Anger as a Path to Freedom

Roger lived on the East Coast, had read End Your Story, Begin Your Life, and was
inspired to contact me about private Skype sessions.
A few years younger than me, he had been on a spiritual journey ever since his early
twenties, was a long-time meditator, and had had countless experiences of his true nature.
“I want to live in my true nature all the time,” he told me during our first session. “I
experience freedom, where there is no thought and my mind is empty, much of the time,
and it always feels clear and peaceful... But then something always brings me back to this
‘ball’ of unhappiness within me, a kind of deep depression, that’s been there, in my solar
plexus, my whole life… And when that happens, I get really emotional, and blow up at the
slightest thing…”
When I asked him about his family of origin, and his experience as a young child, it was
revealing. His father had been distant, and even disdainful of him because he wasn’t into
sports at all and his father was a real “jock.” As a result, he grew up being hypersensitive to
criticism and rejection.
He also said that he had an older sister who had always teased him, and they had had a
real falling out when their mother died. To this day he didn’t have any kind of relationship
with her.
“Whenever I think of her,” he said, “I feel angry, pissed off. She is your classic bitch…
Puts on a nice front when she’s with people and stabs you in the back when you’re not
looking.”
“So, that’s where you are not yet free,” I said. “When you are no longer angry at your
sister, and can look at her with compassion and forgiveness… Which is what she needs… I
promise you that that ‘ball’ of unhappiness that’s been with you your whole life will begin
to dissolve, and you will rest in our true nature more of the time.”
He looked at me in silence for a while, then smiled.
“Well, that’s why I am here,” he said.
“You’ve got to start welcoming, loving whatever emotions you feel when you think of
your sister,” I said. “It’s easy to do… Whenever you feel the anger, imagine yourself as a
young child again, being teased by your sister… Then imagine taking that young child into
your arms and pouring love into him, comforting him, and letting him know that it’s just
his sister with her own story of pain…”
He paused to take this in. Then he nodded slowly.
“That feels right,” he said. “I remember reading about welcoming in your book… It’s
the one thing I haven’t done… I can see now it’s the thing I need to start doing… My anger
at my sister is showing me where this ‘Roger’ character is not yet free…”
His voice trailed off, and then suddenly he gasped, leaned back in his chair, and slapped
his hand on his forehead.
“My God!” he exclaimed. “I see it, I really do…! I see how I’ve been creating my own
unhappiness all my life…” He shook his head from side-to-side slowly. “Wow…”
Half-a-dozen sessions later, he reported that something had shifted, and he could no
longer identify that “ball” of unhappiness as a distinct object in his solar plexus.
“It’s still vaguely there at times,” he said, “but much more diffuse and elusive… I feel
much freer and more present with whatever’s happening…”
He smiled. “I am just here, now… As you’ve said a number of times, ‘this is it, there’s
nowhere else…’ Well, I’ve realized the deep truth of that now…”

Imagine holding our hurt younger “self” in our arms, pouring love into him
or her, and eventually we and our younger “self” will become one. Then
our heart will have more compassion for the suffering of other people…
 103

37. Residues of Old Ego Patterns

Now, if our ego was angry in its posture before awakening, most of that anger will
leave us once we realize freedom, once we see that we’re not this “I” thought we were so
identified with all these years. However, the reflex to be stirred to anger on occasion—to
be momentarily reactive—will still be there.
Jean Klein introduced me to this idea of residues of old ego patterns. For example,
should we forget ourselves and experience a moment of anger, we quickly learn to notice
it—“Uh oh, I got caught up in some harsh anger, an old story, there!”
Then we forgive ourselves, apologize and make amends if necessary—after all, the last
thing we want to do is dump our anger on people—and simply come back to the place of
calm and equanimity right here, now.
Residues apply to any old ego patterns, of course: worry, impatience, emotional
detachment or insensitivity, insecurity, self-doubt, victimhood, envy, jealousy, greed,
lust, and so on.
They arise from time-to-time, and the key is not to react to our reaction, to make
matters worse. Just notice it, see it—our feathers got ruffled by some real or imagined
event—and soon we are right back here, in present moment, and in the flow of things.
Residues of worry and concern most commonly arise around money, or if we have
children, especially young children. After all, we are emotionally and energetically very
connected to our kids.
Such residues can be a sign that we need to take action around our money situation
or, if it’s a worry about our kids, maybe we need to communicate with them, to check in
with them and see what they need.
These normal residues can be a powerful reminder of our own natural freedom if
when they arise, we see them, recognize them as such, and say to ourselves something
like: “Now that was a strong residue! Well, it was what it was…” Then we simply
breathe and relax into the present moment, into what is here, now.
Always remember that while we, as Teilhard de Chardin said, are “spiritual beings
having a human experience,” the emphasis is on the human experience.
We are very mortal, and no matter how good or noble our intentions, we get tripped
up by our humanity sometimes. We get identified, we lose awakened awareness. No one
escapes this. Even the most awakened people still experience residues of old ego patterns
from time-to-time. It is very humbling.
As an example of a “residue” that came up for me once, I’ll relate the following story.
Perhaps it is because of my ancestral lineage—Scottish, English, and Irish, with a
smidgeon of Viking—and the time and place I grew up, plus the way I was raised in my
family, my childhood wounding, but I have always tended to be emotionally standoffish.
But now that the truth has been revealed to me—that I am not any “story,” but rather the
pure, open-hearted conscious that is always here—I am being called to even more deeply
embody my own teaching, to live and express authentic awakened consciousness.
Anyway, this particular incident happened at a time when Tanya and I had been living
together for about a year, and she grew so impatient with me that I thought she might
leave me. I envisioned a life without her, where I might go or live, and it all seemed so
empty.
“My God, I will end up a bitter, lonely old man…” was the old, old story that
surfaced in my mind, and lingered there for a few moments.
That “story” came from the time when I’d been meditating by the Ganges in
Rishikesh, India in 1983, facing all of my self-judgment and self-loathing. I had the
thought that if I did not get my life together—and for me, that meant becoming
enlightened or self-realized— I would end up a bitter and lonely old man.
Once we awaken to our true nature, to the realization that this “I,” this “self” we
believed we are all these years, since we were very young, does not really exist, we are
free. We no longer suffer. But these brief “residues” of our old ego patterns—like that I
just described—can still arise from time-to-time. Even the most conscious and present
among us can still get triggered.
This is why the outer learning, learning to be a more present, compassionate, kind,
forgiving, and loving human being, never ends—and when residues do arise,
remembering to be kind and forgiving with ourselves first.

There is no perfect freedom. No matter or awake or “enlightened” we are,

we all have residues of old ego patterns. The more aware we are of the
potential for them in ourselves, the more quickly we catch them.
 105

38. The True Letting Go

The following story was in my book End Your Story, Begin Your Life. It is about the
true meaning of letting go, and it is such a good story that I have left it pretty much intact
here.
Two Zen monks were strolling by a river. The older one was a master, fully awake, the
younger one a novice. As they drew near a crossing place, they came across a young
woman.
“Can you help me to get across?” she pleaded. “I don’t want to get my kimono wet.”
"By all means," said the master, beckoning the younger man to help with lifting her.
The novice hesitated, frowning, but then held out his hands. Together, they made a seat out
of their four clasped hands and carried the young woman safely across.
"Thank you,” she said, as she stepped onto the dry ground, gave a gracious bow, and
went on her way.
The two monks walked off. After a mile or so the younger man, who had been
internally stewing since the moment they stopped to help the woman, turned to the older
monk.
"I don't understand it," he said. "According to the rules of our monastery, we’re not
supposed to even talk to young unmarried women, let alone touch them."
"Ah," said the master, turning to the younger man, "You're still carrying her… I put her
down by the river."
This has always been one of my favorite Zen teachings. Zen is a philosophy or spiritual
path with its own set of traditions, rules and regulations. Yet Zen masters throughout
history have been notorious for breaking them. They understand rules are meant to serve as
guidelines only.
In this story, the master was being guided by his heart, not his head. The young woman
needing help took precedence over the rules about touching unmarried women. So, for him,
there was no hesitation in providing assistance.
The attachment to wanting something to believe in, some principle, rule, or
understanding to hold onto in order to feel a sense of security is always strong at the
beginning of the spiritual journey.
However, such attachment invariably gets in the way of our responding intelligently,
creatively, and lovingly to the very real needs of the present moment. Opening up to a
deeper level of freedom and happiness in the present begins with the deliberate releasing of
whatever we are holding onto from the past.
As we learn to put our baggage down, to empty our mind in this way, a tremendous
gathering of energy happens, because it is no longer being fragmented or dissipated by
thought. We find ourselves being very aware in the present.
In this state of awareness and openness, thinking is liberated from all the psychological
and emotional overlays, and is available as a powerful, creative, and mostly intuitive tool
for wise and compassionate action.
The true letting go happens when we see that what we’re holding onto—thoughts,
“stories,” beliefs—isn’t real, because it comes and goes. Then everything drops away by
itself, and we are left standing here in our radiant presence, ready for whatever is next.

"I need to release all my negative stories,” said a seeker of truth.

"Who is this 'I' that needs to 'release?'” the Master responded. “When you finally see that
the 'I,' the story-'teller' is no more real than the 'negative stories' it tells, the whole world
between your ears will fall away, dissolve, and you will be left standing here as the
beautiful person you are.”
 107

39. Being Present in this Moment

Can we be present in this moment right now? Can we be alert, breathe deeply and
slowly, feel the aliveness in our body and the energy in our environment, and see our
life, our current situation, without any thought or story at all?
Can we open our hearts to our own experience, and love the present moment?
If we can do it, if we can resist the mind’s tendency to get seduced by another
thought or story, we will have a taste of the freedom, the inner peace that is our true
nature. It requires vigilance, an inner attention to what is happening in our mind and
body.
Then look within at the connection between our thoughts, our “stories”—and
especially the “I” story—and our emotions. Every time we feel a contraction in our
energy, our emotional body and see, notice the connection, then in the very seeing we
will experience a release, a letting-go of resistance and tension.
“My story, the story I’ve been constructing between my ears my whole life, especially
my ‘I’ story, does create my entire emotional reality,” we will realize.
With this realization, upon noticing that we are what notices, we will find ourselves
more at peace within, more in harmony with the flow of life. We feel more spacious
within, one with the vastness of our true nature.
Then, freer of identification with ideas of “me, myself, and my story,” we can be
there with much more care and compassion for others as they share their story of joy,
happiness, or success—or upset, conflict, and suffering.
If they are not so caught up their story that they seem open to us, to listening to our
story, we might share it with them, share how we realized—or, at least, are realizing—
the power of the truth within ourselves.
But whatever happens, we will give them a warm smile, and perhaps a hug, and
again—through the simple power of our caring presence—let them know that whatever
their situation is, it is what it is, and it’s all, ultimately, good.
And, who knows, these two simple, but very true statements may well be a
conversation-starter, with them saying something like: “But how can this thing that
happened to me possibly be good?”
Then we can tell them of what we’ve been exploring recently, and of our new-found,
burgeoning inner freedom. We may even suggest they read this book and learn about the
simple power of the simple practice for themselves.
In this way, we literally begin to create a new reality and a new, much more
satisfying “story” for our life. The more we share our new way of seeing with others—
by being it, rather than talking about it—the more peace, love, and harmony we
experience in our world.
Only now is real, in other words—everything else is our “story.” Understand this, get
it at the very depths of our being, and we awaken to love and freedom here and now.
The more present we are, the more presence we have, and presence—our passionate,
conscious, heart-centered, and mutually creative presence—is what will heal our world.

When we are fully present in this moment—in our heart, as opposed to our head—we
are in our true power.
 109

40. Zeroing in On the “Story” behind the Emotion

What is the main emotional pattern that keeps recurring in our life and prevents us from
being awake and free, free to be the beautiful, confident, loving, and powerful person we
really are?
Is it worry, anxiety, fear, blame, anger, guilt, shame, loneliness, depression, or some
other mood or contraction of our energy?
If we want to be free, we must identify what is behind the emotion—the “story,”
memory, or history—and the traumatic experience perhaps—that fuels its, keeps it alive.
Then, the more we see that we are not the story, and not even the “I” or “me” thought
that tells the story, but rather the aware and clear person who is always here, the freer we
are.
The exploration of or inquiry into the thought or “story” keeping us from being free
happens most effectively when we are very, very present.
Remembering to not identify with anything in our mind, telling ourselves no story about
what may be happening in our experience, but just being very present with it, watching it,
will shift our state of being.
Then we can look at the story we were telling ourselves that was keeping us from being
fully free. Usually it is some version of “I am not worthy,” or “I’m afraid of how people
will judge me.”
Again, notice how the story comes and goes, just like any emotions it triggers comes
and goes, yet we are the aware, conscious person who is simply here, right now, in this very
moment
We don’t think we are “worthy” in some way? We must see that it is our own fears and
insecurities that are behind our self-judgment—which are just more stories, deeper layers
of story and emotional reactivity, that arose from our childhood experiences.
And the truth is we are not them, either. We are not any thought or story. After all, our
stories and beliefs have changed over the years, and maybe are even changing now. So, we
have never been our “story” about life or reality.
What happened in our past, no matter how terrible it may have been, was real then, but
it is not real now. Only now is real now, and we are always this aware, beautiful person
who is here, now.
When we live without being identified with any story at all, nor any story of “self,” of
“me” or “I,” then we are awake and free. Our life pretty much flows smoothly all the time,
our actions are guided by wisdom and love, and we live with a deep, profound sense of
gratitude.
 There is always a “story” behind an emotional reaction, and an “I”—our ego, the story-
teller—behind that. Zero in on it, find it, and we’ll see it’s not real, precisely because it
comes and goes…

When we awaken, we no longer hold an emotional charge around anything—

other than in brief, perfectly normal and human moments. This is without
doubt the healing our world needs.
 111

41. Shifting from Intellectual Understanding to Felt Experience

How, then, do we get free of our “story?” It is simple—though, again, not necessarily
easy. After all, the conditioning to be a “somebody”—a “person” defined by his or her
story, including our ingrained emotional history—is deep-rooted in our psyches.
And this “somebody” we take ourselves to be is always trying to intellectually
“understand” what is needed to improve “itself” and make our life situation somehow
“better.” And, of course, sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Nothing fundamentally changes, however. We are seemingly forever stuck in this
identity of being a “person” who is trying to understand things, to figure out what’s best
for our life.
But as the process of becoming freer accelerates through doing the simple practice
every time we notice ourselves getting lost in a “story,” we begin see the futility of
intellectual understanding.
We see that what we are trying to understand with our minds is just more “story”—
and that it just results, in the end, in confusion, a kind of recurring mental masturbation
that rarely brings any relief.
As we grasp the limitations of our own mind—that it’s like a dog chasing its own
tail—the tendency to want to “understand” falls away, and we relax into being, where we
can see what is.
We can see more clearly our own thought and reactive patterns, especially our
dysfunctional, ego-driven behaviors—the areas in our life where we are still not free
Our awakening then gradually but inevitably becomes more of a felt or embodied
experience. We live it more and talk about it less!

There is nothing we can “do” that will set us free. Only seeing the truth—
that we are not this “I” thought/identity we’ve taken ourselves to be all
these years—will liberate us.

Seeing, in other words, is freeing…

 112

42. Releasing our Need to Understand

Many people, as I just stated, are constantly trying to get an “understanding” of things
they have not actually experienced—like the subject matter of this book, for example.
This level of truth or understanding is intellectual, or of the mind only, and thus it
never satisfies. Speaking from my own experience. I was forever thinking, “Ah, now I’ve
got it,” and would indeed “have” it for a few days. I’d think I had finally figured life out,
but then I would always “lose” it again.
Then I came across a quote from Idries Shah, the Sufi teacher: “No matter what point
of truth or understanding we arrive at, there is always one beyond it.”
Shah’s statement, which I came across decades ago, spoke loudly to me, and for the
first time I began to release my need to intellectually “understand.”
Gradually, I became more vulnerable, present, and began to trust my experience of the
moment more. This provided me with a more genuine and more embodied understanding
than I could ever have gained through my mind and it’s endless “wanting to figure things
out” kind of understanding.
If we think we’ve got life figured out, something will sooner or later happen to show
us otherwise.
On the other hand, if we hold to no concept of how things should be, and are just
present in this moment, everything flows, and the understanding sooner or later comes…

Perhaps contrary to what Idries Shah says, there is a “final”

understanding of the mind. It is when we, as the ego “I,” embody the
realization, “Wow, I am not any ‘story.’”

Then the mind stops, and we are simply being the beautiful, open-hearted
people we are…
 113

43. Freeing ourselves from Fear

To be free, we must face each of our psychological and emotional fears.

As we become supremely present and see with more and more clarity that our fears are
not real because they arise from some “story” we tell ourselves—and, ultimately from this
ego “I,” we take ourselves to be—they begin to fall away.
Then we are naturally more at ease, more one with the flow of this moment. This is the
waking meditation that is the simple practice—remembering to come back to the present
moment whenever we notice ourselves getting lost in our mind.
Then, if we are emotionally reacting to something or someone, welcoming because it
is showing we where we are not yet free.
Welcoming may be difficult at first. After all, this person or situation, whether real or
imagined, has upset us in some way (damn them or it!), but at some point, when we are
more present, we can revisit the situation in our mind, and welcome it then.
We step back and see how we reacted, and we love the ego “I” that got triggered,
because it’s the wounded child in us, and what else can we do but love our inner child?
If this doesn’t bring us to the full realization of our true nature, we may at least
glimpse it. And each time we remember, we get a little bit freer. As I said, we are
developing a new habit.
It’s like the hammer on the rock: who knows how many blows it will take to break the
rock? We just have to keep hammering away and, one day, it will happen. The rock will
shatter.
Or, in the context of the message in this book, we will have a genuine taste of the vast
awareness that is our true nature—the changeless awareness that is the ground or source of
everything we experience.
So what if we are walking home late at night, and suddenly someone appears out of
the dark, moving toward us?
I heard this story, about a woman spiritual teacher named Annie, who really embodied
her awakening. She was walking through a parking lot late at night when suddenly a man
with a gun came out of the darkness, threw his arm around her neck, and snarled: “Give
me all your money and jewels or I’ll kill you!”
“I wouldn’t do that, my dear,” Annie replied softly, as she smelled the fragrance of a
nearby magnolia tree, and calmly considered that this might be her last moment on earth.
“You’ll be creating terrible karma for yourself…”
Upon hearing this, the would-be robber fled!
 The more awake and free we are—freer of any “story” about what we “think” may be
going on—the more present, alert, and on guard we will be. Maybe we are not quite as
free as Annie, but we will summon all our wits to deal with the situation, and whatever
possible threat there may be in it.
On this, the direct path to awakening, we are learning to face not just fear, but every
moment in this way.
Remember, the source of all fear is the ego, and its fear of “not being.” Fight with our
ego, and it will win every time. We’ll continue to be afraid. Make friends with it,
however, and it will fade happily into the background, allowing the clear awareness we
are to prevail.
Then the liberation—and the love—we have been seeking will be ours.

When we are truly present, there is no ego, and no room for fear.
 115

44. Realizing that we are the Seeing

I began having private sessions with Chris every couple of weeks, a year before he
finally saw the light and woke up to the truth within him. He lived in San Luis Obispo and
would make the trip down to see me in person.
Chris had earned his living for many years teaching classes and coaching people on how
to achieve their goals while, at the same time, experiencing more inner peace through
meditation and self-reflection. A few years ago, he had become interested in nonduality.
He was very open and honest with his students, however, telling them that although he
had had glimpses of the truth, he was not fully awake himself. His coaching was limited to
what he experienced during these glimpses, along with what he read from books, but he
found his realization insufficient. He still felt subjected to the suffering and neurosis
inevitable when there is identification with the “person,” the “me.”
Nevertheless, he felt inner freedom increasing significantly when teaching and sharing
his intuitive insights. Some of his students were tasting the happiness of living ego-free as
well—the happiness that does not depend on circumstances.
“I want to wake up myself,” he told me, during our first session. “You live this
realization, and now I want to live it as fully too.”
Chris told me his story. As a young man, he’d had several tastes of enlightenment,
enough that he realized he wanted to live in the “enlightened” state all the time. Then he
joined a spiritual organization which taught yoga and meditation, and the study of the
founder’s teachings as a path to self-realization. He was an enthusiastic student and worked
for the organization for many years.
But eventually he left. He felt he had learned much but didn’t feel any closer to the
awakening he sought. In fact, he was disillusioned. He felt that the organization fostered a
dependency, a focus on revering the “master” who was the founder, rather than the
authentic self-realization the organization promised.
During our sessions, Chris would still tend to get lost in his “story” about the
organization, or his desire for what he believed “enlightenment” to be and, especially, his
need to understand, intellectually, the process of awakening.
Whenever this happened, I would guide him back to the present, having him take a few
deep, slow breaths to anchor himself in his experience here, now.
Because he was an excellent student and willing to learn, during our sessions he became
more and more present. He finally began to see the limits of his mind, how the mind is
always looking for the final “answer,” but to no avail.
Then, during one session, he said: "You know Jim, whenever I try to find the perceiver I
can't find it.”
"The perceiver doesn’t exist, that’s why you can't find it,” I said. “The perceiving of
what is going on right now is always here, but there is no perceiver behind it…"
We both fell silent, gazed into each other’s eyes. The light in Chris’s eyes grew
brighter, and then his mouth dropped open.
“My God, I see it!” he exclaimed. “There is only seeing, there is only perceiving... I’ve
spent decades believing that there was a true “Self,” a “Divine Self” within me that “I” had
to realize, to connect with to wake up.”
He shook his head in wonder. “And now I see the truth… That the “me” who takes
things personally, who suffers all this worry and anxiety, and who looks for all kinds of
ways out of it, including believing in a ‘Self’ that can be realized, is a complete fabrication,
as you say…”
As he wrote his check, he said: “You know, I’ve always valued the symbolism behind
paying you your fee. Every time I pay, it is a concrete, powerful statement of my
commitment to awakening… Truly, it has been the wisest investment I ever made.”
He stopped seeing me every two weeks shortly after that and would just come once a
month. He said this in an email he wrote:
“Layers of old suffering have gradually fallen away with just the realization that ‘I am
awareness,’ and not the things, the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of which I am aware…
However, I understand that at the same, ‘I am awareness’ can become a ‘story’ too, and a
trap if it is identified with… I just want to thank you for helping me see all this.”

We are the perceiving, the seeing, here and now. Realizing that we are
always “this” is true freedom—and the essence of “self” realization.
 117

DOING THE PRACTICE

Releasing Real or Imagined Fear

I remember a time when I felt a very intense, yet totally imaginary fear. It was in India,
in 1983, in the city of Varanasi, which sits on the banks of the Ganges River.
I had agreed to take a short boat ride with a young man who wanted to take me to his
brother’s shop, in which he sold, he said, “the finest silk saris available.”
As the man led me up the narrow planking to his brother’s shop, suddenly I felt an
extreme, not entirely irrational fear gripping my solar plexus. When the man asked me a
question, I couldn’t speak, my mouth and throat were so dry.
“What if this is a set-up, and they are going to kill me then rob me?” was the panicked
thought that flashed through my mind. I was alone and my girlfriend, waiting back at the
hotel, wouldn’t know what had happened to me.
But, somehow, I managed to get a grip on myself. I saw the silks, quickly said no, and
asked the young man to take me back. I couldn’t wait to get out of there, and back to the
safety of the hotel.
So, I did the best I could with my fear, and that’s what we do when we’re still identified
with this “me” character who of gets afraid when something, real or imagined, happens to
scare it. We do the best we can to handle our fear.
But for those of us on the path of awakening, we take a different approach. Whenever
fear arises, we learn to welcome it at our teacher. If it is a real, palpable fear, we do
something about it, whatever is necessary to save our skin.
And if it is an imagined fear, we sooner or later realize that it’s another “story” that, just
like the emotion it triggers in the pit of our stomach, comes and goes. Yet we, the
awareness watching or witnessing it, are always here.
We affirm our mantra if we need to: “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” Then we
can do our mirror meditation around this because that’s the truth that we always, always
come back to.
The truth that the “I” or ego-based thoughts, “stories,” and beliefs in our mind, just like
the feelings and emotions in our body, come and go, but we, as the clear, luminous
awareness we are, are always, always here. Only now, our circumstances in this very
moment, is real.
Then, from this place of alert presence, we look at our situation anew, see it with clear
eyes and an increasingly open, fearless heart. Our intuitive faculties awaken, new insights
as to what do come in, and we act with wisdom and love as we address what is…
 118

The First Relationship Practice—The Mirror Meditation Revisited

We begin our relationship practice by meeting ourselves first in the mirror, which we
have already. Then we extend it meeting a friend in the same way, through silently eye-
gazing with them, meeting at a pure being-to-being level—meeting them in the heart.
Eventually, we extend our relationship practice into our larger world, as we learn to
connect in the same way with strangers, our fellow human beings. As I say in the
Introductory Pages, and again at the end of Lesson 105:
“Making warm, welcoming eye contact with others is really the ultimate spiritual
practice, because it is what is needed if ever we are to experience true global peace and
harmony.”
I remember when I did the Lifespring personal growth training just two years after my
spiritual journey began. It was four days and three nights of intensive looking at ourselves,
which included a lot of emotional processing, which was new for me.
At the end of the training, I went into the bathroom and happened to glance in the
mirror—and was struck by the guy beaming back at me with shining eyes and a brilliant
smile. Who was he, I wondered? And then I realized it was me!
That marked the beginning of my transformation—we could say it was my first
awakening. After that, I was hooked on personal growth, and did other trainings, but I still
had a problem with eye-contact, with looking into people’s eyes.
Of course, I realize with hindsight that the “me” in me still had things to hide, still felt
uncomfortable with being “seen,” with being found out to be a “phony,” an “impostor,” or
some such—which was my “story” about myself.
It would take me many years to free myself from this ego “me,” and the mirror
meditation was an important factor in my liberation. Why? Because I was willing to face
myself—to “see” myself, and awakening is all about the seeing.
So, remembering that we are not any thought or “story,” be present as the awareness
we are, and then gaze consciously at ourselves in the mirror for up to ten minutes,
affirming our simple mantra: “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?”
Unless we are already awake and free, some judgments or self-criticism will soon
almost certainly arise—as it did with me. In fact, some of us, who are extremely self-
critical and unforgiving of ourselves, may have a hard time with this exercise at first. I
certainly did.
If there is such a negative thought or story active in us, experiment with expressing it
out loud, and watching, hearing, feeling ourselves saying it as we look into the mirror…
We can even dramatize it as we’re saying it: exaggerate it, embellish it, even make a game
of it!
(As in all the while giving our best smile while we say something like this: “Look at
yourself, you stupid jerk!”)
Then realize, as best we can, that we are not that judgment. Rather, we are always,
always the beautiful, conscious human being—the changeless awareness—behind the
thought or story our ego is momentarily identifying with and expressing.
Then breathe and relax and continue gazing at ourselves. Welcome this deeper, more
real “us,” the one who sees, hears, and feels life from this clear, spacious, and very present
place. From the perfection that is this moment now.
Finally, say out loud to ourselves, “You are a beautiful being… Wise, loving, and very
present in your relationships and in everything you do…”
Then just be silent, and take those words in. Then let the words go, smile again, and just
be the wise, loving, and present person we are as we go about our day.
It may take many, many months of us looking into a mirror in this way for us to be
comfortable with ii. But we will become more comfortable as we gradually free ourselves
from our ego and its “stories,” its judgments and negative opinions—as we move more
effortlessly into true presence.
In Zen, as I said earlier, they call it “the empty mirror,” which I translate into the
“loving mirror.” After all, humanity does not need more “emptiness” at this time. We can’t
avoid it anyway, because emptiness is our true nature—or partly, anyway. The other part
of our true nature is of course love, and it is love that humanity, our global family, needs
When we gaze into a mirror and see no one there, only openness and innocence looking
back at us, we are enlightened—or, in the language of this book, awake and free, fully
trusting in life, and embodying the conscious knowing and loving presence that will heal
our world…
 120

PART TWO

THE SECOND TEACHING—LOVE OUR

TRIGGERS
 121

Chapter Four

Healing the Wounds of Our Past

 122

45. Love is the Healer

In an ideal world, we all would have been raised by parents who were awake and free,
loved us unconditionally, and expressed that love to us every day. Then we would have
grown up truly secure within ourselves, already awake—at some level—to our true nature
as wisdom, love, and creative joy.
We would have felt a tremendous sense of inner freedom, the freedom to be ourselves
and to express ourselves authentically.
After the magical childhood years, we would learn that while we have an ego, the “I”
thought, we are not it. We would not identify with it and the numerous “stories” that prop it
up—rationalizations, reasons, justifications, excuses, expectations, judgments, “shoulds,”
and so on. Rather than being our master, our ego would then become our true ally.
Alas, for most of us this was not the case. Because our parents had their own issues, we
grew up with some form of emotional wounding—betrayal, mistrust, abandonment, and
maybe even physical or sexual abuse.
We became identified with this often worrying, fretting, and anxious ego “self” that
seeks love, happiness, and fulfillment outside ourselves. And, if we are a spiritual seeker,
seeks awakening, enlightenment, or salvation as the ultimate solution to our suffering!
Fortunately, awakening is real—as my journey, and that of countless others, proves—
and it is never too late to discover the love and joy that are our true nature.
The freer and clearer we are in our mind, the more our heart opens, and the more we
welcome everything. When I lived with Tanya, I discovered much about the language of
the heart, which she speaks so naturally, beautifully, and passionately.
Perhaps it is because I am a man, but I was trained to speak primarily the language of
the mind. What is the difference? The mind thinks in terms of “you” and “me.” It is ego-
based, and driven by logic, rationalization, and concern for this “self” that it cannot but
help take itself to be.
When we come primarily from our mind, even though we may now be awake and
relatively free, we are subject to mental “residues,” and their emotional reactions, such as
defensiveness, justification, and explanation.
These attitudes and behaviors have been behind much of the conflict Tanya and I
experienced during the early years of our relationship. After all, the mind is always
arguing for this or against that, whereas the heart just accepts and flows with whatever is.
The heart is all about “we” and “us.” It speaks few words, but rather reveals itself in
its actions—a warm, loving touch; a welcoming smile or hug; a kind and tender gesture;
compassion; generosity; patience; and above all, an affectionate, caring regard for all life.
When the heart does speak, its voice takes flight in beautiful, healing, and startlingly
true words—words that resonate with us at the deepest level.
Whether we are young or old, love is the true healer of our psychic wounds, and it also
plays a vital role in physical healing as well. This has always been so in my experience.
I remember when my son was young—and when he was living with me in Los Angeles,
around the time I began writing this book—whenever he was suffering, I took it upon
myself to “pour as much love into him as possible.” It always worked—how could it not?
“Pour as much love into them as possible.” This is the best mantra to use, and the best
action to take whenever our own child—or anyone else we care about—is suffering.
The more awake we are to the awareness that is our true nature—the freer of our “story,”
and especially the story of “I”—the more our heart opens, and the more we experience the
unconditional love, the awakened love, that is the very essence of our being.

Breathe Love Now—A Technique for Healing Any Physical Pain or Illness

Here is a simple technique of visualization that I have used for years whenever I have a
physical problem. I call it “Breathe Love Now,” and it’s really a loving-kindness
meditation for self-healing.
As we breathe out, we visualize a loving, healing energy flowing from the universe into
our heart toward the problematic area in our body—or our whole body, if needed.12 We
keep on doing this with every exhalation, imagining the loving energy healing and
dissolving the contracted or painful area.
Do this “Breathe Love Now” meditation at moments throughout the day and I promise,
we will soon notice a difference. Whether the condition heals or not, our relationship with
it will change.
We will realize increasingly that we are bigger than anything that can happen to us—
even the most serious disease imaginable—and that we now have the secret to healing
anything. We just have to breathe love into whatever ails us…

“I had this crazy idea... that if I dropped all my stories, and you dropped yours, we
would love like no others in the history of the Universe.”

“Billionaire Buddha,” a novel by Rivera Sun

12
It doesn’t matter what the issue is—inflammation, cancer, heart disease, a brain, liver, or pelvic condition, a
fracture or skin problem, or a whole-body condition like fatigue. All disease, acute or chronic, responds to the healing
energy of love. We can visualize the energy as golden or white light, or any other color that works for us—or no
particular color, just the feel of the love doing its work where needed, being guided by the flow of our exhalation.
 124

46. The Mother/Father Wound

Our earliest childhood wounding, until we see it for ourselves, is responsible for most
of our emotional neuroses. It causes us to either shut down completely or explode
emotionally—or, more often, something in between these two extremes—whenever our
buttons are pushed.
Moreover, residues of this wounding can continue to arise, until they are seen and
experienced fully, long after awakening.
What trips up many teachers and gurus, those who have been found lacking in their
integrity and/or morals—individuals who are otherwise awake to their true nature—is
their unexplored past wounding. (If they are foreign to the U.S., there may also be
cultural factors at play.)
The mother/father wound results from when we were young children and we did not
have the experience—or at least a conscious memory—of being loved and nurtured by
our mother and/or our father.
We don’t remember them taking us into their arms, smiling, hugging us warmly, and
telling us often: “I love you!”
Or something happened where our mother or father threatened to take their love, the
love that we so needed, away.
Now, as adults, we unconsciously act out certain behaviors arising from this “wound”
and it affects, in a negative way, the harmony and flow of all our intimate relationships.
The mother wound, if we have it—and many of us do—causes us to always be
seeking attention and/or approval from others. In terms of romantic relationships, we are
always looking for “the one” who will make us happy and satisfied—who will give us the
love that we feel we need.
Even when we’ve found a great relationship, the tendency to not be satisfied will still
be there if the healing hasn’t happened. It can also result, in men, in a disrespect or
objectification of women, and acting out with womanizing tendencies.
The father wound, on the other hand, can cause us to have trust and jealousy issues,
which are in turn often connected to a deeper, generalized anxiety about life, about
feeling safe. We will explore this wounding, and the healing of it—beginning with my
own experience—in the next few pages…

If we are not fully expressing the love and compassion within us, it probably
has to do with early childhood wounding. Only we can know if we have it.
 125

47. My Wounding

Speaking personally, my wounding was around my mother, and the recognition of it,
and the subsequent healing, didn’t start until I had begun my relationship with Tanya.
“There are a few walls within you that need to come down,” Tanya had said to me,
shortly after we met and had begun dating in the late summer of 2012, “And I believe I'm
in your life to help blast them down.”
Was she ever right! I bow down to her again, beautiful and wise Goddess that she is.
The first “wall” was when we were eye-gazing with each other, about a year into our
relationship, and suddenly I felt this strong, Shakti-like energy coming from her which at
first was blissful and nurturing, but then got so intense that it made me sick to my
stomach.13
Then I felt a visceral image of my mother, and that she hadn’t been there in the way I
wanted and needed when I was a young boy.
Looking back, of course I have only compassion for my mother. Not only was she
was dealing with an unhappy relationship with my father and had my two younger
brothers to take care of as well, she had—obviously—her own history of childhood
wounding.
She grew up during the Great Depression as the eldest of eight children in an
economically-struggling family and had to help with all the chores. She could not wait
for any excuse to leave home, so when my father proposed to her, she jumped at the
opportunity.
More recently, three years after Tanya and I first met, we were having a conflict
where she was challenging my awakening—especially the embodiment of it—by
accusing me of being “cold, withdrawn, and unloving.”
I sat there in my usual way, stoically listening to her—thus proving the truth of her
assertion!—and silently protesting, “No, no, that’s not who I am at all!” Then suddenly I
realized that there was a little boy still living deep inside me who shut down emotionally
whenever he felt criticized and rejected.
More profoundly, I had a memory of my mother scolding me, and threatening—if not
verbally, at least in her energy—to take her love away.
When I saw this about myself, something deep shifted within me and released. It was,

13
Such was the power of Tanya’s energy that, around the same time, she caused me to question—or more
accurately, doubt—my own awakening. Maybe I wasn’t as awake as I thought I was? Certainly, my awakening left
much room for embodiment. Ah, the vital role women play in helping men see their own arrogance, in coming down
out of their heads and into their hearts!
I realized, an old, old wound—the primal emotional wound. I felt a tinge of sadness, but
mostly just a sense of greater ease and freedom.
I became vulnerable and open, and shared what I had seen with Tanya. She softened
immediately, and we went to a deeper, more intimate and honest level in our relationship.
If the personal liberation is all in the seeing and experiencing, the healing of any
relationship is all in the communication, both verbal and nonverbal. Open and honest
communication—awakened communication—always brings people closer together, and
it certainly has been true for Tanya and me.14

Any mother/father wounding that still lives inside us must be seen and faced
if ever we are to truly embody the love and happiness that don’t depend on
beliefs or circumstances.

14
I wrote in End Your Story, Begin Your Life about this, quoting a friend, Phil Salyer, who said, a long time ago, that
“communication is the wonder drug of relationships.”
 127

48. Embodying our Realization in the Heart

My journey from the clear intellectual understanding of all of this into a fuller
expression of it in my heart has taken a very long time.15 I am living proof of the fact that
we can be awake and free of personal fear and suffering, and yet still not fully embody it
in our relationships.
This means that others in our life, if they have not found inner freedom, may continue
to suffer. This is true particularly of partners and family members, where there may be a
lot of “story” and heavy emotional baggage.
We can get sucked into their drama, and even though we won’t really suffer, we may
not be able to reach them at a heart level, because our own heart is not fully open. The
deepest, truest healing happens when the heart is opened and compassion floods in.
A couple of years into our relationship, Tanya and I had two friends visiting us,
Jonathan Staggers and Eva Brauner. We were discussing some of the conflicts that still
existed between Tanya and I, and Eva, a psychotherapist, suggested that maybe they were
due in part because there was still a little boy inside me that was afraid his mother/Tanya
was going to withdraw her love.
“No, no,” I said, flatly denying it. After all, I thought to myself, “I am awake and
free,” but I see now that there was a little bit of arrogance in that thought. I was hiding
behind my “story” about being “awake and free.”
What I discovered when I looked more deeply was that there was a small part of my
ego consciousness—that little boy who was afraid of losing his mother’s love—that still
lived in my psyche, and I wasn’t free of that at all.
Just as a tiny irritant in our eye prevents us from seeing clearly, it is true also that
unless we experience fully the depths of our past wounding, we cannot come to a fuller
embodiment. But when we do see it, as I did when I wrote about being shut down in the
previous lesson, then we relax into greater freedom.
We live with a clearer, wiser, and more loving presence, such that others are moved
and inspired by being with us and can make the inner shifts necessary for their freedom
and healing.
When I began my spiritual journey, I only wanted to wake up. I only ever wanted
enlightenment, and so I learned what it took to become rooted in the consciousness that is
my true nature.
But as Jean Klein said: “In my teaching, one points directly to consciousness, the natural
15
Better late than never, as has been said. Besides, and as this book emphasizes, there is only ever this moment
now…
state, becomes established in it and then moves down, so to speak, to the transforming of the
relative nature.”
Ever since my awakening, I have been learning to transform the “relative” reality,
which includes the opening and healing of my heart, of own deep, long-ago, almost
forgotten emotional wounding.
Real love, as I said at the beginning of this book, is not a “story,” but an authentic,
palpable emotion that wells up from our heart, and whose source is inexhaustible, simply
because it is what we are. It is the prime or essential human emotion and is felt in the
heart.
Learning to open our hearts and love one another has always been humanity’s greatest
challenge. Fortunately, more and more people, young and old throughout the world, are
awakening to this challenge.
Love is presence infused with heart. When we begin to express the love we feel with
every person we meet, our world is healed…

“The longest journey a man must take is the eighteen inches from his head
to his heart.”

Chinese proverb
 129

49. Healing the Mother/Father Wound

Whatever our wound is, the meditation that follows, if we do it faithfully, will help us
get free of it.
Come into the awakened space, or true presence—a process which should be
becoming easier for us now—then read the instructions fully to make sure we understand
them. Even better, have our partner of a trusted friend read them to us (and then we can
read the instructions to them, if they so wish):

Allow 10 – 15 minutes for this meditation. Sit in a quiet, safe place, close our eyes,
and breathe and relax into being. Take whatever time we need to become calm, relaxed,
and feel a sense of inner peace.
Now, bring our mother or father into our mind’s eye (they don’t have to be living for
this to be effective.) Visualize them sitting down in front of us. Make gentle eye contact
with them, and open our heart to them, and then visualize them when they were a child,
and ask ourselves these questions—or we can even ask them, in our imagination,
directly!
“What must have their life been like when they were very young? What harm must
have been done to them, that they should grow up to be the way they were with me?”
The more we see and appreciate the truth of whatever happened in their childhood,
the more likely our heart will soften toward our mother or father. We will realize that
that is just the way they were. They would behave that way toward anybody, not just us.
We may find ourselves ready, as we finish our meditation, to look deeply into their
imagined eyes, see the now-obvious pain and hurt that they lived with for so long, and
say to them, quietly:
“I see you, I love you, and I forgive you for the ways in which you didn’t love or
nurture me.”

We can do this meditation every day until we feel a sense of the process being
complete. For some it will be a week or two, for it may be several months. However long
it takes us, the freedom we will feel from having healed our own mother/father wounding
will be immensely liberating.

Any mother/father wounding in our background was real then but is not real
now. If we can be present enough to see this now, it may result in such a
shift that the wound is essentially healed…
 130

50. Forgiveness

So long as we are holding on to a grudge or resentment toward anyone, or live in fear

of someone, we cannot be free.
Why? Because it keeps us believing in or identifying with this ego “self” we still
think we are. It keeps us separate from others. The “story” of how we were wronged,
betrayed, or hurt keeps our reactive ego alive.
Thus, we cannot be free to enjoy our true potential for happiness, for experiencing a
life that is peaceful within, harmonious, flowing, and deeply creative. This, as we are
learning by now, is everybody’s birthright.
Learning to forgive those who have hurt us or betrayed our trust in some way in the
past is a major factor in freeing ourselves from the bondage of our “story.”
The modern spiritual text, A Course in Miracles, states simply: “Forgiveness is the
key to happiness.”
Resentment is so strong in some people that they think about, or seek, revenge against
those who have harmed them. But Confucius said it best: “Before you embark on a
journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
If we are harboring resentment, anger, or blame toward anyone, and want to be free of
it because we want eventually to embody the message of this book, there is a simple
meditation practice that helps. It is like the previous meditation and again, the more you
are in the awakened space, the more effective it is:

Sit quietly in meditation for a few minutes until our energy becomes reasonably calm
and settled. Then visualize this person—the parent, friend, or other who has wronged
us—in our mind. The person doesn’t even have to be living for this to be effective.
Imagine ourselves as the small child we once were, but wrapped safely in the arms of
the mature, loving person we are now. Then relive the experience we had with this person
who wronged us. Relive their words or actions that have caused such resentment in us.
Feel the feelings of anger or rage that this evokes, if need be. Express them to this
person if it helps—say what we’ve been wanting to say them all these years.
Then, when we are ready, calm ourselves again as best we can by settling into being
here, now, and bring them into our heart.
Now visualize this person at age five, and ask ourselves these questions: “What must
have their life been like when they were very young? What harm must have been done to
them, that they should grow up to be such angry, bitter, hurtful people?”
 Then sit with the answers to these questions. Realize that they, too, grew up with their
own story, their own history of some long-ago abuse, neglect, or emotional wounding.
Truly, generation vexes generation.
The more we see and appreciate the truth of this, the more likely our heart will soften
toward the perceived wrong-doer. We will realize that that is just the way they
are, or were. They would behave that way toward anybody, not just us. Seeing this will
help us take it less personally.
We may find ourselves ready, as we finish our meditation, to look deeply into their
imagined eyes, and see the now-obvious pain and hurt that they have lived with for so
long.
Then we can say to them, from our present-time self: “I see you, and I forgive you for
what we did to me.”

Again, we may need to do this meditation many times over a period of weeks or even
months for the forgiveness to be complete, but the lifting of the burden in our heart, and
the growing compassion we feel in its place, will be very freeing.
In the end, we need to forgive ourselves for everything “wrong,” “bad,” or “stupid”
we have done—to anyone, or to ourselves—in the past.
So, sit with ourselves, take some time to examine our past “transgressions,” where
we’ve done wrong, acted foolishly, or harmed ourselves or others. Open our hearts to
ourselves, and say silently, gently, “I forgive myself for this or that, that I have done.”
Then just be quiet and very aware in the present moment—here, now. Step back,
inwardly, from our thoughts, our story, and even this “I” thought, this “me” we take
ourselves to be.
The flowering of freedom happens when we see that there is no one to “forgive.”
This “person” inside us that we thought we were all these years, and that needed to
“forgive” doesn’t exist, and never did—other than as a “story” in our mind. Total “self”
acceptance comes when we see that there is no “self!”
When we see that, and that we—the seeing, the watching, the experiencing of all that
is happening—are always here, we will breathe a sigh of relief. A chuckle or a laugh may
even bubble up from the depths of our being!
The ultimate forgiveness is seeing that there is no one to forgive—that “resentment”
and “forgiveness” are stances of the ego, and we are not our ego…

If we want to be free, look at who we haven’t forgiven.

 132

51. Getting Angry with an Ex

A woman, Anna, in her forties, told me how she often upset with her ex-husband. They
had been divorced several years and shared custody of their seven-year old son, Kyle.
“Alan is a very negative guy,” she said during our first Skype session, “and I really
worry that it’s rubbing off on Kyle. Don’t get me wrong, Alan loves Kyle with all his
heart, but he shows his love in in the way he was shown when he was a child.”
She told me about the latest conflict between her and her ex. Kyle loved art, but her ex
was always criticizing his paintings, and saying that he could do better, that he had to
apply himself even more diligently.
“I worry that Kyle is developing self-esteem issues,” Anna said, getting emotional. “It
just makes me so angry… then I feel powerless to do anything, and things get really, really
strained between Alan and I.”
I encouraged Anna to take a few deep, slow breaths, and just come more into the
present moment, letting go of all the “stories” that were fueling her anger.
“After all, they are just ‘stories,’ judgments, created by the ego ‘I’ that comes and
goes… Step back out of your anger story and just watch everything coming and going…
Love your ego ‘I’ because it’s part of you, but it’s not the real, present-time awareness
you… Remember, only now is real… So just breathe, relax, and be here now…”
Anna was a good student, and soon her energy cleared, and she was more relaxed and
present.
“So, the problem is not Alan, or the way he fathers Kyle,” I said. “It’s your anger…
Address that, the source of it, and you’ll be able to see this whole situation more clearly.”
“I know, I know,” Anna said quietly, as she began to weep.
Then she me the story of how, when she was aged six, the second eldest of seven
siblings, a close friend of her father began molesting her and it lasted several years.
This was when she began to develop self-esteem issues, because her father’s friend had
threatened her if ever she told anyone.
Such was her anxiety that it resulted in her running away from home a few years later.
Her parents and grandparents had been looking all over town for her, and when they found
her later that day, her father physically abused her pretty badly. Thereafter, her father
would beat her whenever he felt she was stepping out of line.
“I realize I’ve had a lot of anger in me because of the molestation, and my father’s
abuse of me… It has to do with my own self-esteem issues.” she said. “The last thing I
want is for my son to go through the same thing with his father that I did with mine.”
“That’s why we’re working together,” I said, “So we can break the pattern and free
ourselves from everything that binds us…”
I then led her through a closed-eye process, where she recalled the first time she got
angry, when her father’s friend molested her, and then when she ran away, and then was
physically abused by her father
I had her visualize that moment, and see herself as the young, powerless girl she was
then, being held, comforted, and nurtured by the mature person she was now.
“Imagine gently and lovingly rocking that young girl you were in your arms now,” I
said. “You are telling her that it’s okay… that she couldn’t do anything about what
happened then, but it’s not happening now… And that you can forgive your father now
because he was acting from his own dark, troubled childhood…”
As she followed my directions in silence, weeping off and on, her nostrils flaring in
anger at one point, there was a gradual shift in her energy. Soon, she opened her eyes.
“My father told me once a few years ago how horrible his own childhood had been,”
she said, “So I do have compassion for him… I do forgive him for what he did to me…
And when I think about Alan, he also had a very difficult childhood…”
“I’m predicting that the next time you meet with Alan,” I said, “you’ll be much calmer
and clearer when talking to him about Kyle… Oh, the tendency to want to get angry with
him will still come up, but you’ll now recognize where it comes from…”
“From the emotionally hurt young girl in me,” she said, with the hint of a smile.
“Yes… It is one of your ego patterns, an old ‘residue.’ You will see it, and in the very
seeing, you are already freer of it… You realize you are simply a beautiful human
being...”
“Yes,” she nodded.
“And when you’re next talking with Alan about Kyle,” I said, “If you think he’s being
too hard on him, you can tell him… You will look into his eyes with love and kindness,
and yet a determined will… You are not going to allow Alan to harm your son’s self-
esteem, and you will communicate what you need to say, but without any anger…”
Anna smiled. “I like this becoming free…”

Anger is one of the most common ego reactions. When we see that, and see
we are not our ego—rather, it’s our errant “child”—we have an
opportunity to reassess the situation, and respond with more wisdom,
kindness, and love.
 134

52. The Root of Addiction

A question I hear sometimes is: “What about addictions? I mean to smoking, drinking,
drugs, food, gambling, or sex? How do I get free of them?”
Addictions are a cry for love, and we find love—or at least comfort—in the form of
whatever we are addicted to. The first thing to do is to learn to welcome our addiction,
because it is showing us where we are not yet free.
Then, when facing it, we’ve got to really watch for the “story” we’re telling ourselves
as we’re about to reach for the object of our addiction, whether it’s a cigarette, a drink,
food, a drug, or whatever.
Maybe we say: “I deserve this treat,” or “A drink will help settle me down.” Then see
we must see the very words are just a story. It is not our true nature. It is not the pure
consciousness that we are, and that sees the thought, the story.
Telling ourselves a new story about the negative consequences of our addictive
behavior can be helpful and potentially healing, but it is only a stepping stone because it is
still a story.
The main thing is, if we are going to indulge in the addiction, do it very consciously.
Don’t get lost in yet another story, such as “I’ll quit tomorrow.” Be completely conscious
and present even as we give in to the addiction.
A good practice to do as we are learning to be more conscious about our addictions is
to pause for a moment before reaching for that cigarette, food, drink, or drug, and ask
ourselves a simple question: “Do I really want this right now?” Then listen carefully for
the answer from deep within.
When we realize that the addiction is a way of numbing ourselves out, of rendering us
even more unconscious, then gradually we’ll wean ourselves from it. Or rather, it will
leave us.
“Things leave us when they no longer fulfill their promise,” as Jean Klein once said.
We will eventually realize that the real or fundamental “addiction” is to this ego “I,”
this “person” who has this or that seemingly bad, addictive habit—the identification with
the “me,” our ego “self.”
At some point we will see, recognize, that we were never this “self” we imagined
ourselves to be.
Rather, we are always, always this: this beautiful, loving, and ever-present human
being who is here, right now. Then, perhaps—as we become freer and more present—we
can occasionally even use and enjoy whatever our “addiction” was, but in a balanced,
harmonious way.
It simply won’t be a problem anymore. It will no longer have any power over us.

The root of all addictions is being addicted to this “I” who feels needy,
empty, emotionally unfulfilled, and unloved. See the truth of this, examine
our addictions when we are in the awakened space, and we’ll be free—at
least in this moment.

And of course, there is only ever this moment…

 136

53. The Victim Story

People who still believe they are their thoughts, their stories, and therefore who are not
free, tend to get stuck in a “victim” story.
So long as we take ourselves to be a psychological/emotional “person,” we may feel
like we are in control of our life and on top of things, but when things suddenly go wrong
or turn out badly, then we may feel a “victim” of circumstances.
We must see how these two seemingly opposite experiences are really two sides of the
same coin. Where the one situation is asserted or proclaimed, the other is not very far
away.
Witness the millions who lost their jobs and their homes in the financial crash of 2008
and transitioned quickly—if they took their loss personally—from the one to the other.
A “victim,” in the most dramatic case, is someone who tells their story of loss and
suffering repeatedly to anyone who will listen. Not coincidentally, there is usually a lot of
“drama” in their story. They may be a victim of some recent circumstance, or of a long-ago
situation, such as something that happened in their childhood.
But drama is something that is best left to the pages of a novel, or a cinema or
television screen, or a stage play, or a sporting event. If our aim in life is to realize true
inner freedom, then we must see that any “drama” that may exist in our personal life is
because of our perception of things—the thoughts and stories we tell ourselves.
The more we realize we are not our thoughts or stories, but rather the ever-present,
conscious individual in which the thoughts and stories arise and disappear, the freer we
will be of any personal drama. Then we’ll live, basically every moment, in the ease,
harmony, and flow of our true nature.
We will certainly experience many intense moments of pleasure and emotion,
especially if we are younger, but it will be all part of the natural flow of life. (The intensity
of feeling tends to smooth out with age, as those of us who are in midlife or older can
attest.)
But there won’t be any feeling of “drama” in our life, and if something dramatic does
occur, we’ll handle it with ease, intelligence, and appropriateness.
And if we happen to meet someone who is identified with a “victim story,” we will
listen patiently and kindly. That is, after all, what they need from us, and probably
haven’t been getting from their friends, most of whom will have been long since tired of
listening to them.
But we will only listen once, maybe twice, and the second time, we’ll encourage them
to step back, so to speak, and listen to themselves as they tell their story. In this way, we
will gradually invite them to see that while their story of loss, trauma, or disappointment
was certainly true once, it is not true now.
We’ll bring them into the present, the place of power, where everything is seen afresh
and new beginnings, new opportunities, are realized. This is one way of beginning to share
the good news of the truth of inner freedom.

When people finally see through their own “victim” story, they experience
a sense of lightness and freedom, and a deeper appreciation for the truth
that they are not any “story.”

At the same time, they have more gratitude for their victim “story.” After
all, it has brought them to this place of realization here, now…
 138

54. An Example of a Victim Story

As an example of a real-life victim “story,” a middle-aged woman had come to my

Esalen Institute workshop. As we began, this woman was contracted and very sad, and
revealed— when everybody shared a little about their particular “story”—that she was the
victim of a long-ago traumatic experience of sexual abuse at the hands of her father. As a
result, she hadn’t spoken to her father in years.
She was overweight, having used food for self-protection, and lived with a lot of fear
and paranoia, which had affected her sleeping patterns and everything else in her life. She
had difficulty getting close to men, not trusting them, above all not trusting herself. She
seemed to trust her husband, however, the only man she felt safe with.
A few days into the workshop, she plucked up the courage to ask a question. “How can
we say that what my father did to me is not real, that it is just a story? I think of him
touching me when I was a child, and my whole being recoils. It was horrible!”
“The event was definitely real when it happened, and that needs to be honored,” I said,
gently, “but telling ourselves the story repeatedly, reliving the memories, keeps the painful
experience alive. When we see that we are not our story, nor our memories, but rather the
beautiful, aware person who is here right now, everything will begin to change for you.”
She took in what was said, nodding silently. Over the next few days, her energy shifted
noticeably. She became much more present. She relaxed and smiled more and confessed to
the group that she was finally getting tired of the “victim” story she had believed all these
years.
She was even feeling more forgiving toward her father, realizing that she needed to
forgive him for her own inner peace.
“Thank you,” she said, when everybody shared on the last morning of the workshop.
“Something has changed in me. A burden has been lifted, and I feel lighter, freer… I am
going to call my father when I get home. I realize now that he was acting out of his own
troubled history when he molested me, and I want him to know that.”

The trauma, and all the memories and “stories” about it, was real when it
happened, but is not real now. When we see that, and that we, as the clear,
aware person who sees, are present here and now, we are free.
Then the forgiveness happens effortlessly…
 139

55. Ending Self-Doubt and Self-Esteem Issues

Feelings of self-doubt, and low self-esteem or low self-worth are very common when
we are still identified with being “somebody”—with this ego, this “self” inside ourselves
that we still think and believe we are.
Again, it stems from our early childhood conditioning, usually due to feelings of
abandonment or betrayal, or emotional abuse or wounding. We grow up with a self-image
or identity that lacks confidence, doesn’t feel safe, and doesn’t trust itself—and,
inevitably, doesn’t trust life.
But who is this “I,” this “self” we take ourselves to be who feels unworthy, not at all
confident of “itself?” This “self” with all its insecurities, this “self” that we feel needs to
be defended, validated, and justified—and, when it’s not getting its needs met, lashes out
in anger, or withdraws and feels guilty or ashamed for asking.
But when we pause to look within and question the actual existence of this “I” that we
take ourselves to be, we see that it cannot be found. It is a thought, a concept that comes
and goes in our awareness, yet we—the seeing, the watching, the experiencing—are
always here.
Cling to no image of “self,” keep returning to this clear seeing of what is—the actual
truth of things, right here and right now—and we will inevitably realize a new depth of
freedom.
We will see that this psychological/emotional image and idea of a “me” that we’ve
been constructing between our ears since we were very young, and that we have been
assuming is “us,” is indeed an illusion.
In this seeing of the truth of what we are, the illusion falls away, disappears, and we are
left sitting or standing here as our true, confident, radiant “Self”—although that too is just
a pointer describing the clear, creative human being we are.
Then the whole inner world of “me, myself, and my story of low self-esteem”—or
whatever the “story” is—has disappeared for us, because we’ve seen that it was never real
in the first place!
And yet what such uncomfortable feelings in the body—anxiety, fear, a chronic feeling
of self-doubt—it created all those years when we “believed” our “story!”
The more we recognize this truth, see it, the more grounded we become in our true
nature, in awakened consciousness, the wisdom, love, and creative power within us—and,
paradoxically, the stronger and clearer our ego is when we need to call on it, when it needs
to assert itself.
 No matter how successful we are, deep down we’ll have some issue with self-doubt or
self-esteem so long as we take ourselves to be a “self,” a “somebody.”
But there is no problem when we see that this “self” we took ourselves to be doesn’t
exist, and never did—except at a “story” in our mind.

“I’m confused and don’t know what to do!” cries our ego. Love it as we
would an errant child. Love our ego and its emotional reactions as we
watch it come and go, and it will fade into the background, and we will
shine as the beautiful people we are…
 141

56. Be Easy on Ourselves

Most people are too hard on themselves. This is a real barrier to embodying the deepest
wisdom, to realizing true inner freedom and the love that we are.
A fortune cookie I opened after a Chinese dinner many, many years ago stated: “Be
kind, every person we meet is fighting a hard battle.”
The message spoke loudly to me because I’d always been very hard on myself, very
unforgiving of my errors and mistakes. I was always looking for “perfection” in my
behavior, in everything I did, and of course often—usually—failed to measure up to my
own impossibly high standards!
Kindness, compassion, and forgiveness begin within. The easier we are on ourselves,
the easier we will be with others. It is just a fact. Look at anyone who is extremely critical
of others, judgmental and unforgiving, and we will find—if we probe beneath the mask of
their personality—a person who is very hard on themselves.
So, look within and ask ourselves honestly: Am I a person who is too hard on myself?
If the answer is yes, it probably came from the way we were raised, when we were a very
young child and trying to live up to our parents’ expectations.
Of course, there is nothing we can do about the past. After all, the present, this moment
now, is all there is.
But we can get out a favorite picture of ourselves when we were young, fix it to our
bathroom mirror, or have it near our computer, and look at it every day in a loving,
compassionate way.
This is a “progressive path” technique which will help us be more forgiving of the
young, innocent child we were. It clears old, stuck emotional patterns and allows us to be
more present, more open and available to what is here, now.
After all, if we are a conscious parent, we wouldn’t turn our back on our depressed—or
anxious, or guilty, or angry—child. We would welcome them into our arms and gently,
lovingly, compassionately ask them what is going on. We would give them whatever help
or guidance we could.
So, it is with our own emotions. Our negative self-talk—which some refer to as the
“inner critic”—may initially keep coming back, may keep hounding us. However, the
more we observe it with love and see the truth—“My God, I have been hard on myself all
these years!”—the freer we will be of it.
We will eventually see that the child in us, whose picture we’re gazing at, was never to
blame. We will open our heart to him or her, and maybe smile or even shed some tears.
This is a way of loving ourselves, the child in us that has grown into the adult we are now.
It will bring we closer to the experience of the love that is our true nature, to the
realization of the big “R” Reality that every human being, at their core, is. In this way,
gradually, the experience of being awake and free, and much happier and more forgiving,
becomes our new reality, our new “story.”

First, we must accept and love our “self” before we can realize there is no
“self.” Otherwise we tend to always be at “war” with ourselves.
 143

57. Love is What We Are

There is much written and taught about the need to love ourselves, and while this is all
good at a relative level—we do need to take care of ourselves in a loving way—it is still an
indirect or progressive approach.
After all, who is this “self” that “we” are trying to love, to care for and about? The more
we see life without any “story” in the way —without expectation, judgment, or belief,
without wanting our situation to be different—the more we find ourselves awake, aware,
and alive in this moment.
As our heart opens more to life in general, we will realize that our true nature is love.
We feel our oneness with every living thing—with people, animals, birds, trees, plants,
flowers, and sea-creatures—and this oneness, or kinship, is the very essence of love. Then
we naturally feel very present, awake, and sensitive to everything happening within and
around us.
The more this realization dawns on us, the more we will begin to embody the
unconditional love that we are, and the more we will simply be a shining beacon of love,
and increasingly of joy, wherever we go and with whomever we interact.
We will understand that this love, expressing as compassion, is the glue that connects us
to others. Then we will draw, attract love to us—romantic, social, dear and loving
friends—and we will never feel alone, or lonely, again. It really does work this way.
And because love is always new and fresh in this moment, we are always, in a very real
sense, learning to love—learning what this person needs, what that situation calls for.
Here’s a good practice if we have difficulty feeling love: place the palm of our hand, or
both hands, against our heart, and give ourselves some loving, nurturing energy. It’s as if
our touch is turning-up the pilot light of love that is always on—however dimly—in our
heart.
I also recommend doing this before going to sleep at night—I’ve instinctively done it
myself much of my adult life!
Love truly is the balm that heals all emotional wounds. The more we discover the love
within us, the more we express its healing energy outwardly, to everyone we meet.

We must learn to this ego “self” we think we are. We must step back, out of
whatever “story” we’re telling ourselves, and learn to love it, and its
emotional reactions. We love it as we would our errant child, from the
perspective of the beautiful, powerful people we always are…
 144

58. The Gift of a Broken Heart

A heart broken by rejection, betrayal, or a love gone wrong is one of the most
devastating human experiences we can have when we still believe we are this “I” who
both enjoys and suffers. In fiction or in movies, it is the stuff of great drama.
But for those on the path of awakening to inner freedom, it is an invaluable
opportunity for welcoming, because our broken heart is showing we where we are not
yet free.
This happened to me just two years prior to my awakening and when I looked back, I
realized it was an essential part of my awakening process. What happened is that I fell in
love with a much younger woman, and we enjoyed a hot and heavy relationship for two
years.
When it ended, through an act of what I felt as “betrayal,” because she fell in love
with a man her own age, my heart was shattered, and I spent the next several months
grieving my loss and healing my heart.
It is a deep truth in life: sometimes the heart must break wide open to experience a
deeper level of authentic being. I was already well into my journey of freedom and
thought that I was already pretty well free. (This was a pattern. I often thought I was
freer than I was, then something would happen to show me where I was not yet free!)
I had a lot of “stories” about this young woman, stories which I projected out onto
her—“she is the Goddess,” “she is the love of my life,” “we are going to be together
forever”—which she didn’t and couldn’t live up to.
During the time of my healing, I gradually came back to what was real. I eventually
saw the role I had played, through my own lack of consciousness, in the drama of my
“betrayal.”
Eventually I acknowledged the gift she had given me in a book16 I wrote. She had
helped give me—albeit unknowingly at the time—the gift of my own freedom, which
was ironically what I had been seeking all along!

The definition of “dysfunctional” is being so caught up in a “story” that we

are disconnected from the reality around us. This results in suffering and
sorrow. However, in every sorrow there is a gift, if we are but open to it.

16
The Ultimate Cure
 145

59. True Romantic Love

All our relationships—intimate and romantic, family, personal, work, and social—
are wholly a reflection of the degree to which we feel connected to, or one with, our
true nature.
Discovering romantic love when we are awake and free, when the connection to our
true nature is strong, is one of the most incredibly rewarding experiences we can have.
After all, true romantic love is very conscious. The two lovers are, ideally, always
very present and are careful not to project any fanciful “stories” about their love into
their relationship.
They have a strong, loving connection, and walk the path of life together, mostly in
harmony. They have learned—or are learning—not to take each other for granted.
Each is established in their true nature, or on the way to becoming so. The more
established in truth they are, the more they share a comfortable silence together, and all
their communications, whether deep and reflective, or light and playful, flow out of this
silence, and dissolve back into it.
Nevertheless, they are still very human, and are subject to those ego residues. It is a
reminder of the ever-present fact that intimate relationships are an ongoing “test” of our
freedom.
If there are deep wounds that have not been faced, particularly the mother/father
wound with its fallout of disrespect or mistrust, these will be stirred, or triggered.
In a conscious romantic relationship, the lovers are sensitive to each other’s needs.
When one of them does step on the other’s toes, triggering an old hurt, he or she is
usually quick to respond with care and compassion.
This is the sacred space that is conscious romantic relationship. Ideally, both
partners feel safe to share their vulnerabilities, knowing that they will be honored and
respected.
And if this dynamic is not “perfect” yet, with one of the partners not feeling quite
safe, then that shows where the “work” of opening, growing, risking, and healing is yet
to be done.
In the end, this is the measure of authentic intimacy: love trumps everything,
including the deepest wound. Indeed, it is a soothing, healing balm to it.
However, when romantic love is based upon an idea, a dream, an illusion that people
hold inside their heads and hearts—as mine was in the preceding lesson—it inevitably
leads to suffering.
 We are not “walking the path of life” together; we are walking from our separate
“stories” about the relationship, and we are frequently out-of- step.
These missteps can lead to feelings of possessiveness, mistrust and jealousy—what
Shakespeare called the “green-eyed monster.” Flirtatious energy can arouse feelings of
jealousy.
Being a flirt is okay if we can honor boundaries, if there is a line we won’t cross. But
be warned: flirtatious energy can open the doors of temptation and create all kinds of
havoc.
If we’re in a romantic relationship, we must be clear about the arrangement we have,
and then trust each other enough to honor it. Are we monogamous, or is it an open
relationship? It doesn’t matter, although be warned—if it is open, we are opening
ourselves to the possibility that things may go awry emotionally.
The great thing about being awake and free is that we trust ourselves, trust the
universe, and trust the other to do what they do.
And if that trust is broken by the other, then we talk about it, and there is naturally
forgiveness. When we are awake, we live in a state of forgiveness, in an openness to and
a welcoming of everything that happens. Our love truly is unconditional. Then we either
renew our commitment to each other or move on.
There is no end to the depths of love when we have no “story” about the one we
love, when we stay present and conscious.
We may even engage in a little conscious “drama”—fiery love-making, a heated
discussion, or some exciting new adventure—to spice things up. This, obviously, is the
best kind of drama because nobody gets hurt.
When nobody gets hurt, we have a beautiful relationship “story” to share with others.

Love without freedom is messy and emotional, and freedom without love is
dry and empty, but when the two come together, we dance in joy and
harmony in all our relationships.

…
 147

60. A Woman who wanted to Open her Heart

I got an email from Rebecca, who had a successful natural skin-care products business.
She lived in Chicago, had read my book, and wanted to do private sessions with me.
It was during our fifth or sixth Skype session that she finally opened up to me, and
interestingly, it happened to be on her 40th birthday. She had been raised in the deep South
in extreme poverty. When she was young, she lived with her family—she was the eldest of
three siblings—in a small, two-bedroom shack with paper-thin walls.
Her father worked as a laborer and handyman and would come home late and drunk
most nights, would fight and argue with her mother, and would end up raping her. She and
her two siblings would lie under the covers and listen to the drunken grunts of her father,
and the cries of her mother, in both horror and terror,
This pattern of violence went on for years, Rebecca said, and only ended when her
father died from an accident when she was aged eleven. Because of her father’s influence,
she had grown up with a deep disdain for men, and a deep distrust of them—a classic case
of father wounding.
“My heart is still often closed,” she revealed, “and it’s affected my relationships with
men negatively. I somehow judge them as inferior, but I know this is an attitude stemming
from my relationship with my own father, and I’d like to be free of it…”
She had openly wept when she had told me her father’s violence toward her mother. I
just listened and was very present as she spoke. Then, when she was finally quiet, and her
tears had stopped, I spoke.
“So, we can see how the situation you just described to me,” I said, “was very real
when it happened, but it is not real now… Only now is real…”
I pointed to her, and back to me.
“You and I, and this conversation we are having,” I continued, “is what is real now…
And the space around us, the computers, our desks, our chairs… Above all, the awareness
of ourselves as these conscious human beings, is what is real…”
Then, from this place of being aware and present, I led her through the forgiveness
process, directed toward her father. There were more tears as she imagined herself as a
little girl again, comforting herself as she re-experienced her father’s rage, but the process
proved to be healing for her. She was more relaxed when we were done.
“My heart feels a little more open, to my father, especially,” she said. “I can see more
clearly how he was struggling with his own inner demons…” She sighed. “It is just so sad
that he took it out on my poor mother… But I couldn’t do anything to stop it… I was so
young and helpless myself…”
 I could see her again getting caught up in a “story,” and I gently brought her back to the
present by reminding her to take several deep breaths down into her belly, and to feel her
existence, the aliveness in her body.
Again, she transformed before my eyes.
“Gosh,” she said, staying very present with me, “it’s so easy to get lost in the past, isn’t
it?”
“Yes,” I said, “but the more we gently and compassionately look at our past, especially
the aspects of it that we’ve been avoiding—like you with your father—the freer we are of
it… And the easier it is to open our hearts in the present…”
“Maybe I need to look at my relationship with my mother?” Rebecca asked.
“We can explore that next time,” I said, “but for now, just sit with the realization
you’ve had today… That the past was very real when it happened, but it is not real now…”
“Only now is real now,” she said, and let out a deep sigh. “And when I am alert and
present here and now, my heart is much more open because I am not caught up in my
judgments about men…”
“And when you finally see,” I said, “that this very ‘I’ who judges is not real either, that
it is just an ego ‘story’ that comes and goes too, then you will be really free, and your heart
will be even more open.”
“I look forward to that day,” she said.
“Who is this ‘I’ that looks forward?” I asked. “Is that your ego I, or your true ‘I?’”
She was silent for a moment or two.
“I understand what you mean,” she smiled. “It could be either, so it’s best not to say
anything.”

A closed heart is one of the most painful emotions we can experience. The
more we honor the past—“Yes, that was my experience then…”—but see
that only now is real, the more forgiveness we feel, and the more our
heart, no matter how shut down it was once, begins to open…
 149

DOING THE PRACTICE

Making Peace with our Past

When the past looms in our awareness, especially a negative memory—some person
we haven’t forgiven, some incident where we were hurt, betrayed, or our trust was
broken—we can love and heal the wounded “child” in us in the way I’ve described.
Or we can go directly to this marvelous tool we now have—the simple practice of
looking into a mirror for 5- 10 minutes—because of the way it gently but inexorably opens
our hearts.
We affirm our mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” and breathe, relax, and
ground ourselves in alert presence in this moment right now.
We open our hearts and welcome those troubling or disturbing memories, and the
emotional reactions they trigger, because they are showing us where we are not yet free,
where we are still identified with a “story.”
Then we close our eyes briefly, and look inwardly at our memories, which are simply
deeply-held thoughts, “stories,” and beliefs in our mind.
Again, we notice how they, like all phenomena we observe—whether internal, such as
thoughts, sensations, or emotions, or external, such as sights and sounds, people and
things—come and go, shift and change, but we, the radiant awareness behind it all, are
always here.
Then we notice the coming and going of our ego, our “I” or “me” thought, the very
“self” we take ourselves to be. This must be seen if we are to come upon the final freedom,
which is true awakening.
Whatever happened was in our past—that person or situation where we felt hurt,
betrayed, or wronged us in some way—and was real then17, but is not real now.
Only now—what’s happening or manifesting in this moment now—is real now. So we
open our eyes and gaze into the mirror again.
From this place of true presence, and an awakened, compassionate heart, we see
everything with anew. New insight and revelations come to us, and we act with wisdom
and love…

17
Or was it? Memory can play strange tricks on us!
 149A

When the Past Persists as a Problem in the Present

Sometimes the past, like a fly that won’t leave us alone, intrudes on our experience of
the present in such a way that it demands our attention. If this is case, we might try this:

First, be present with the situation, whatever it is, as best we can. If it’s
particularly intense, bringing up a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts, we
may have to breathe more deeply and consciously to stay present with it.

It the intensity is too much, we may have to take a break, and deal with it in
any way we can. Eventually though, we want to embrace it, welcome it—
and, eventually, love it—because it is showing us where we are not yet free.

Then notice the thought or story we are telling ourself. For example: “Why
is this happening to me? I'll never get it right. Whose fault is this anyway?
I'm not worthy, etc.”

Just notice it with getting lost in analysis or rationalization. We can say to

ourself: “Oh, I'm getting caught up in that story again…”

Finally, see the truth… and the truth is that the thought or story comes and
goes, just like the suffering comes and goes, but “we” are the spacious,
aware presence that is always here.

So breathe, relax, and be the beautiful, aware presence we are.

 150

Chapter Five

Deepening our Experience of the Present

Moment
 151

61. Inner Vigilance

When soldiers lay minefields, if they are at all conscious and mindful of the well-being
of innocent civilians, they put up a sign: “Danger—Minefield!”
On this path of awakening, we could benefit from a similar sign: “Danger—Mindfield!”
We gradually learn that our unexamined thoughts—judgments, expectations,
disappointment, resentments, “shoulds,” etc.—can be like little exploding mines in our
consciousness, creating all kinds of emotional havoc within.
The more we realize this, the more we simply don’t go there—into our minds—but
rather abide in presence, or beingness itself.
We must become very present with ourselves whenever we experience the slightest
suffering. This requires a certain degree of self-training, self-observation. We must be
inwardly vigilant, conscious of our mind and emotions—mindful, in a word.
This inner watchfulness helps us see, again and again that our thoughts and stories are
not real precisely because they come and go, yet we are always here. We are that which
observes, witnesses, the coming and going of our thoughts and stories—and especially this
“I” story, this ego voice which is the root of all suffering.
When we finally stop believing our thoughts, our heart opens, and we experience a
deep, felt connection to every living thing on earth.
So, in this freedom, do we “believe” in anything at all? Yes, we do. We believe in the
timeless power of the truth, beauty, and love, and this inspires us and fills us with gratitude
each and every moment of our life.
Moreover, we discover our true purpose in life, what we are here to contribute to others,
and we set about fulfilling it with zest and joy.

Inner vigilance, closely watching our thoughts, stories, feelings, and

emotions—especially if there is any suffering—is essential on this path of
awakening.
 152

62. A Rigorous Self-Honesty

If it is not obvious to us already, I will say it in now: if we want to find the happiness
that does not depend on anything outside ourselves, and not on any belief or thought either,
then we have to be rigorously honest with ourselves.
The journey of awakening is not for the fainthearted. We must be willing to face and
feel everything within ourselves, including the not-very-pretty aspects of our character and
personality, and the darker elements of our past emotional history—the shadow within us.
That means we must welcome, or face everyone we haven’t forgiven, that we resent or
hold a grudge against. We must face anyone who can push our buttons—face them, in our
imagination at least, until they no longer have power over us. If someone close to us has
died and if there is anything incomplete, anything unfinished, we must face that.
Everything and everyone in our past—or present—must be faced, looked at intently,
over and over until there is no longer an emotional charge,
As our courage in facing ourselves grows, we will be rewarded. In the shadowy dark of
our past emotional programming and actions is a gift. As we face our past, experiencing
whatever dark or forgotten emotions arise—being judgmental, resentful, guilty, blaming,
unkind, petty, or whatever—we become freer, more present, and more conscious of the
gift.
If our shadow is a furious anger, for example, the more we see it, face it honestly—
“Wow, I am an angry person!”—the freer we become of it, and the more present we are in
turn.
But the real gift in facing ourselves honestly, as I’ve said, is freedom—freedom from
the idea of this emotionally reactive or even neurotic “self” we’ve taken ourselves to be all
these years.
This “self,” this “I” or “me” we believed we were that acted out in the past, but now, in
the present—in the very moment we are reading this—is seen to be a complete fiction.
Only now is real, and so we breathe, smile, and relax into being…

Without self-honesty, there’s no love; without love, no presence; without

presence, no courage. The good news is that every single one of us has the
capacity for self-honesty…
 153

63. DIWA—Don’t Identify with Anything

A couple of years before this book was completed, I came up with the term DIWA,
an acronym for “don’t identify with anything,” as the liberation mantra.
When I Googled “diwa” to see if it was a real word, I found, in a happy
synchronicity, that in Filipino it meant “spirit” or “essence!”
However, while I emphasize the importance of non-identification throughout this
book—because then we are open to everything—I have dropped the word ‘DIWA.”
Instead, I prefer the mantra “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” because it is more
affirmative, and is something we can embody, or “do.”
We can be present, breathe, and search for the ego “I” or “me” thought. We can
examine our “stories,” and feelings and emotions, and see how everything comes and
goes, yet “we”—as the pure presence watching—are always here. We can feel ourselves
in our body, our feet firmly on the ground. We can see, at least for a few moments,
without any “story” at all. We can see that only our circumstances, right here and now,
are real.
In my workshops or private sessions, a question I will ask people is: “Where do you
still get identified?” Alternatively, I might ask, “Where do you still get triggered?” or
“Where do you get distracted?” or “Where do you still doubt yourself?”
And I will invariably ask: “Is there someone you haven’t forgiven, that you hold a
grudge against, or resent?”
Then I invite them to close their eyes, go within, and search for whatever comes up. I
then explore with them whatever they discover within—both the “story” and any
traumatic events from the past which may have given rise to the story or limiting belief.
Examples of such “stories” are:

I am not free around my body, health, work, or money.

I am not free because this or that person triggers me.
I am not free because I fear people’s judgment of me.
I am not free because I am afraid of disappointing people.
I am not free because I need approval from others—or fear their disapproval.
I am not free because I just don’t feel worthy or deserving of freedom.
I am not free because I still am identified with this “I,” this “person” that I take
myself to be.
 After all, how free do we want to be? Do we want to be totally awake and free—at
least as free as we can be in a human body—without any story defining us? So that we
can use the power of our mind, of thought, story, and intention to fulfill our purpose,
contribute to others, and have the life we want?
Or do we want to remain a victim of this ego we still think we are, with all its
stories of self-doubt, blame, insecurity, comparison, and lack? Do we want to be an
ego “I” competing in a seemingly hostile, competitive sea of other egos, desperately
fighting for what seems like ever-diminishing resources?
The freer our ego is of blame, resentment, self-doubt, and the feeling of being a
victim, the less of a problem it is. It fades into the background as our natural,
awakened consciousness emerges within us. This is our true voice—the voice of
our functional “I,” of the pure consciousness or presence we are.
Our true voice is deep, clear, and resonant with power and authority. It is the voice of
love, wisdom, and tremendous caring about what happens in our world. It is the voice
which is heard in this moment now.
Listening to our true voice, especially when it speaks softly, in a whisper, as it were,
can help in all areas of our life—early warning signs about our health, for example, or
our relationships, work, finances, or some other area we care about.
Let that voice be our guide. The more we are in the awakened space, alert, present,
and free of any ego-based “story,” the more clearly we hear it.

“If we can hear the whispers, we don’t have to listen to the screams.”

Cherokee proverb
 155

64. Revisiting the Liberation Mantra

Self-inquiry is a well-known practice in the nondual approach to awakening. It is

asking, “Who am I?” Its limitation is that it all too easily can devolve—as anyone who
has worked with it knows—into a mind-game, a futile and frustrating mental exercise.
The liberation mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” on the other hand, is
more focused and relates to a specific event, real or imagined, that upset us.
The mantra addresses our very “self” identity, this “me” we still think we are.
Whenever even the slightest triggering or suffering arises, we can look deeply within and
ask ourselves: “Who is this ‘me’ that worries, frets, or is anxious?”
We must probe every corner, every depth of our inner consciousness to look for this
“self” we still take ourselves to be. Who is this “me,” this “I” that gets upset, who is still
taking things so personally?
Or when we are feeling bored or restless, ask ourselves “Who is this ‘me’ who is
bored or restless?” Go within, and look for the source, the location of this “I” who insists
it is bored.
Or when we are feeling a little lonely, breathe consciously and ask ourselves, “So,
who is this ‘me’ who’s feeling lonely?” Then look inside. Seek the origin of the “I”
thought.
The more we remember the essence of the simple practice, which is that we are not
anything that comes and goes, the clearer the answer will come—with resounding
clarity, in fact.
What we will discover as we inquire deeply within is that the “I” or “me” thought—
this “self,” the story-teller that we have been so, so identified with all these many
years—cannot be found.
It is only a deeply-held thought form, and thoughts, even the “I” and “me” thoughts,
don’t actually exist. Or, rather, they exist only relatively. No sooner do we look at them,
and they are gone.
Yet we, the looking, the experiencing of our thoughts and emotions, are always here.
We exist here, now. Then we think, live, and act out of our awareness of being here now.
We act out of love.

Ask ourselves: “How identified am I with my name, personal story,

emotional history, image, etc.?” Answering honestly will show us where we
are not yet free.
 156

65. Mastering the Practice

For those who wrestle with techniques related to “self” improvement—prayer,

affirmations, visualizations, goal-setting, chanting, surrounding themselves with light, or
calling in their angels—the way is often difficult, even arduous.
Such methods, called the “progressive” path—as opposed to the direct, or nondual
path—may bring comfort, solace, and even results, but they are still only Band-Aids. We
must keep applying them.
After all, there is still this idea of a “me” needing help or protection. And so long as
we identify with this ego “me,” we will not be free of suffering. We are still operating in
linear time, the past and the future, always thinking of this “me” and where, someday,
“we” would like to be.
But the truth always is that there is only, ever, the present—this moment now. The
more we awaken to the fullness and beauty of where we are now, the more we see
everything with new eyes.
Pause for a moment right now, remember the mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets
triggered?” and breathe and relax into being.
Then be one with this moment. Feel our existence, the vibrant energy of aliveness in
our body, here and now. Feel ourselves as the spacious, open-hearted awareness in which
everything—especially the ego or “me” thought and its “stories”—comes and goes.
Then look inside ourselves for the “I” or “me” thought, the ego that gets triggered.
Probe deeply to see what comes up. We must be very honest, truthful with ourselves as
we do this. Then see how everything—and I mean everything—comes and goes in our
awareness, yet “we,” as awareness, the changeless, remain.
A man I worked with had a profound awakening two-decades ago, and for the next
six months flowed in freedom. He was extremely present, one with the moment
wherever he went. There was no resistance to anything in him, because he was free of
his “I” or ego “story.” He felt guided by and one with God.
Then some events happened in his life to suck him back in to the everyday drama.
Gradually, inevitably, he lost his awakening. He became subject to depression and
anxiety again.
He sought out elders, the wisest men he knew, in his own religion, for answers as to
how he could get back his state of Grace, but none could help him. He moved away
from the religion he had been born into, and eventually found his way to the nondual
approach to living.
 His hope that he might finally awaken fully was restored. He committed his life to it,
such that it became of paramount importance to him. He worked as little as he could and
made other sacrifices so that he could devote his life to awakening. Then, one day, he
found me.
We worked together for some months, and then he told me something revealing.
He almost resented it, he said, when he had to do something—like visit his roommate’s
sick mother—that took him away from his “awakening” contemplation for a whole day.
“Ah, that’s where you’re not yet free,” I told him. “There’s still an ego ‘I’ in you that
longs for this mystical state you call ‘freedom.’ You’re still identified with that ‘story.’
When you see that, it will leave you, drop away, and then you’ll happily visit your
roommate’s sick mother. You’ll be happy wherever you are because you’ll have realized
that only this moment is real, and you’ll always be here now.”
We are not any “story,” no matter how wondrous, sacred, or noble it might be.
Rather, we are what is always here. We are always, always the clear, aware human
beings who are present in this moment now. Realizing this is the essence of “self”
realization.
Now experiment with feeling our heart expanding and opening to the love inside us,
the love that is our true nature… Imagine or visualize family members, or a pet, we love
unconditionally… Smile and feel our heart opening to them, then radiate that love
outward to include others in our circle… Know that love is always there, inside us,
awaiting recognition, waiting to be expressed through us…
Then we are guided by our intuition, by the love and wisdom within, as to what to do
next. And, yes, a new “story” may form inside our mind, between our ears, when we see
the results of our actions. Allow ourselves to indulge it, to enjoy it for a few moments or
longer, and then simply come back to being present.
Eventually, the experience of ourselves as the awareness behind everything—the pure
consciousness that looks through our eyes, senses with our body, and feels with our
heart—will become second nature, and our experience of living will be more and more
an effortless flow.
The sign that we are mastering, or fully embodying the practice is that we are more
established in a pure, thought-free, loving presence…

Be present, heart open, no story…

 158

66. The Student and the Teacher

Rumi said: “Whoever enters this Way without a guide will take a hundred years to
travel a two-day journey.”
When we enter the Way, we become effectively a “student,” a seeker of awakening
or inner freedom.
And if we are like many seekers, we will find a guide, a teacher to help us unravel the
mysteries around awakening. As the old saying goes, when the student is ready, the
teacher appears.
If we choose a direct path, or nondual guide, we will sooner or later realize that our
very seeking is what is getting in the way. After all, what we are seeking is right here,
now. We are what we seek.
When we finally awaken to the truth within ourselves, then we will be longer be a
“student” of the Way. Our inner journey, the quest for this elusive “self” that we thought
we were, will be over.
We will now be able to direct all of our energies outward, on contributing to, serving,
and learning what is needed in terms of the greater good—which includes our own
deeper embodiment of the truth we’ve now realized. In this way, we’ll always be a
student—a student of life.
And if we had a personal guide or “teacher” while we were on the Way of
awakening, the distinctions of “student” and “teacher” will dissolve, and he or she will
become simply our friend.
Then together, at least in spirit, we’ll share the message of inner freedom, the only
real freedom there is, with others.

The difference between a Master and a student is that the student, still
very much ego-identified, aspires someday to be a Master, while the
Master, having seen through the ego, knows that he or she is always a
student.
 159

67. Being Conscious of What We’re Doing

Lao Tzu said: “The way to do is to be.”

The more awake and free we are, the more we come from being itself— from being
conscious and happy here, now.
Then we do what we do—we act from this place of being conscious here and now.
Maybe our actions involve thought, planning, or setting a goal or intention.
Regardless of what we do, inevitably we will have the results, the fruits of our action,
but we won’t depend on the results for our deep inner well-being because we are already
happy and content within.
Contrast this with actions taken by those who have not awakened to this truth of
knowing themselves at a being level. Such people are always thinking about what they,
as this ego “I,” need to do to have the results that will allow them to be happy and feel
satisfied or successful.
Disconnected from their true nature, they are always fluctuating between states of
happiness and anxiety.
But we are on this path of awakening to inner freedom. Yes, we have a name,
“Mary” or “John,” we have an “I” and “me” thought, and the power of our mind, our
“stories” and intentions, is always available to us, but we now know we are not any of
these things.
Rather, we are always this aware, conscious person—this human being—who is
present in this moment, right here, right now.

We can have the intention of bringing a clear, wise, and loving

consciousness to every action, but in the end all that matters—all that we
can be responsible for—is the action we take now, in this very moment…
 160

68. Embodiment, or Staying Calm Amidst Chaos

We can be awake and free of suffering, because we have seen through the illusory
world of “me, myself, and my story” that comes and goes between our ears, and yet still
not be truly present.
Believe me, I know this for a fact, because it is absolutely true in my own
experience. My challenge has always been to show up and be fully present in this
moment now—and I feel very strongly that that is everybody’s challenge.
If I haven’t slept well, or I’m sick, or fatigued, or financially-pressed, I can get
caught up in vague “residues” of worry, of “story.” There’s no concept or idea of a
“me” who suffers—after all, that’s what awakening frees us from—yet still I’m human.
I still have at least the shadow of an ego, a “me,” a “story,” an emotional history, and
that’s what gives rise to those residues.
But when I notice myself being caught up in thought, my “story,” that generally
brings me instantly and effortlessly back to now, to the pure, radiant presence I am.
Then, when I am present, I see everything with new eyes, love is here—or not far
away—and anything is possible. Above all, I am just grateful for everything, to be alive
and present in this moment now!
The beauty of awakening is that it makes it relatively easy to stay calm during times
of chaos, regardless of how busy, hectic, or crazy the circumstances around us. Yes, we
may be challenged, residues may come up, but still our basic inner awareness, the
freedom we experience, remains untouched.
The distinction we need to make is to see that the limited, ego-bound perspective of
“me, myself, and my story” is not real at all, precisely because our story comes and
goes, shifts and changes.
The more we see this, the more we shift into the present moment, into here and now,
and the more we experience the expanded vision of clear, thought-free, present- time
awareness.
The more we stay in our mind, however—“thinking” about what we may have just
realized—the more our understanding remains at the level of the intellect. It is just more
“story,” more belief, and the experience doesn’t become our embodied reality.
Our mind, our ego, is always seeking “more”—something different, “better” than the
seeming “dullness” of now.
To make the shift, we must see that we are the seeing. We must become aware that
we are not our body, mind, or senses because these can be observed. Rather, we are what
is observing.
What we actually are is the pristine awareness or consciousness existing here, now,
and expressing through this unique instrument, this individual body, mind, and “self”
called “us.” We are the timeless, unchanging awareness noticing and responding to the
endlessly changing drama that is life.
We are the consciousness giving birth to the entire world between our ears, the world
that we have always thought of as “me!”
When we realize this, and when we are fully alive and present in this moment now,
then our experience, at least in this moment—and there is only this moment!—is
embodied.
Then we look around we, see what needs to be done regarding our work or whatever,
and we do it—consciously, mindfully, guided by wisdom and love. The more we
breathe, relax, and come back to presence here now, the easier it is flow with what is, no
matter how chaotic the circumstances around us...

Through embodiment of our awakening we come to mastery—in just this

moment now…
 162

69. Let Go our Attachment to Feeling Good

The attachment to feeling good—to feeling a state of bliss, ease, joy, peace, or
harmony—is one of the main traps on the path of inner freedom. Why? Because then we
are caught in duality, in polarity.
By wanting to feel good we are, somewhere deep inside ourselves, resisting feeling
bad, feeling ill-at-ease, emotionally uncomfortable, contracted in our energy, feeling like
a victim, or being sad, angry, lonely, or unhappy in any way.
But wisdom teaches us to let go our attachment to feeling good, or to feeling any
particular way, and just be here, now, with however we are feeling. The simple practice,
with its emphasis on not identifying with anything, is perfect for this.
This was my struggle before my awakening. I would fluctuate between feelings of
supreme ease and peace, and feelings of conflict and anxiety. But eventually I cottoned
on to this recurring pattern within me, and gradually became more accepting, or
welcoming, of whatever I was feeling.
Almost as if by magic, the highs and lows settled down, and I experienced a more
even flow throughout my day. Circumstances held less sway over me.
When I awakened to my true nature in the mid-Nineties, I could look back and finally
understand what was really happening with this dynamic of “feeling good, feeling bad.”
I’d been so identified with this “me,” this ego “I” that I thought I was, and that was the
problem. The ego “I” always wants to feel good and hates anything that makes it feel bad.
But when we see that our ego “I” is not real—and nor are any of the “stories,” or the
emotional drama it fabricates—the whole mirage dissolves, before our very eyes so to
speak. This is the real letting-go—when we see that what we’re holding onto isn’t real.
Then the reality of our life appears as it is—calm, peaceful, flowing in its own
beautiful, magical way. We see everything with new eyes and are inspired anew to create
something beautiful in life, something as simple as cleaning up the dishes after a meal,
or something more involved, like starting a business, or feeding the hungry.
Then our “I” thought, our ego, will probably come into the foreground again at some
point, and we will consciously use the power of thought to plan, set a goal or intention,
or take some form of action to fulfill a need, a desire, or our deeper purpose in being
here. It is wonderful how this way of wisdom works!

Let go our “story” about needing to feel good, and discover how good we
can feel…
 163

70. The Final Freedom

The deeper the realization of ourselves as the consciousness, or space, behind

everything—as the ocean, expressing itself as the wave called “us”—the closer we draw
to the perceptual shift that is true awakening, true inner freedom.
Eventually, if we keep seeking the core truth of who and what we are, the
realization becomes complete and we no longer have to “work” at being aware. We will
see that the world between our ears really is a kind of dream-world, a self-generated
fiction, a story of our own making, and just through seeing this, it falls away.
Some spiritual seekers like to assert that this material world is an “illusion”—some
even call it a “dream”—which can result in their doing nothing, or being passive in the
face of events and circumstances. But the world, the relative reality, is real. If we
accidentally touch a hot stove, the pain we will feel is very real!
The “illusion,” of course, is between our ears, in the thoughts, beliefs, and stories we
tell ourselves—particularly this “I” thought, the “me” we have been identified with since
we were very young.
When we see this, we don’t even have to actively drop, or let go of the thought or
story. It will let go of us. It will disappear before our eyes as we realize that everything
between our ears is, indeed, an illusion yet we—as these aware, conscious beings—are
still very much here.
Then our mind no longer controls us. Instead, we as consciousness are now fully in
control of it. We still have thoughts, but we now know we are not our thoughts.
We still have a story, but we now know we are not our story. We still have an ego,
the “I” thought, but now we know we are not our ego, we are not the “I” thought. Rather,
we know ourselves as the boundless space in which the “I” thought and our “stories”
come and go.
From this place of inner freedom, we use thought in a conscious, highly-intentional
way. We use the creative power of thoughts, guided by the love that we are, to manifest
the results we seek in our life.
This is what it means to see, and to live, from the Reality behind reality. This is what
it means to be “self” realized, which is to live as the timeless awareness or consciousness
we are—our true “self,” in other words. This is the awakening, the liberation that I call
the final freedom.
We have seen the ego, the “I” and “me” thoughts for what they are—mere intellectual
concepts, constructs that come and go—yet we, as the awareness existing right now, are
 still very much here.
This is why awakening or self-realization is only ever here now—in this very
moment.
The more awake and free we are, the more we walk our talk, as the saying goes—the
more we live and walk from the deep silence we are. We increasingly embody silence,
and when we speak, we do so with wisdom, love, and a welcoming warmth.
At a workshop I attended with him, Jean Klein was asked what would happen if
everyone in the world became enlightened. He paused at first, as he always did—he
wanted people to feel the silence out of which the question arose—and then replied, with
a smile:
“Why, then there would only be dancing!”
When the “final” realization happens for us then our life becomes about dancing in
freedom, about cooperation, celebration, and cheering each other on to do our best.
Then our life becomes about service to others, which includes helping them awaken to
the love and freedom we now enjoy.

The essence of the nondual or direct path is this:

The teaching is in the words, the transmission in the silence, and love and
freedom are always and only experienced here, now.
 165

71. Living without a “Self” Image

We know we have realized the final freedom when we look inside ourselves and can
no longer find an “I” or “me” thought running the show, yet we—as this beautiful,
aware, spacious, and loving person we are—are still very much here.
We still have an “I” thought, an ego, but now we know are not, fundamentally, “it”
because “it,” by its very nature, comes and goes, shifts and changes.
We still may have an “image”—as a doctor, lawyer, business or trades person,
house-husband, or whatever—and dress, act, and live accordingly, but we are no longer
identified with or attached to it.
Thus, if someone insults us, or attacks or belittles us in any way, we won’t take it
personally. Oh, there may be a momentary reaction—“Huh? What’s this?”—but we will
soon relax, regain our composure, and perhaps ask them kindly what troubles them.
But the fact is we cling to no image of “self,” so there’s literally nothing in the way
to resist a verbal attack. We come from the emptiness that is our true nature, and it just
passes right through us.
Contrast this with someone who is not awake and free, who is still identified with
their “I” thought, their “self-image.”
They worry about this imaginary “self” they take themselves to be, that they need to
compare with other “selves,” and then they defend, prove, justify, or validate
themselves.
They are concerned with feelings of “self-esteem” or “self-worth,” and often need
other people’s approval, while at the same time fearing their disapproval, judgment, or
criticism.
Ah, the sheer joy of the freedom that comes when we see through the illusion of the
world between our ears, the world of “me, myself, and my story.” Such a relief, such
liberation!

See the “me” and be free…

 166

72. Who are We without our Story?

Who and what are we when we’re no longer identified with any story?
Most people who are not awake to their true nature get afraid when they think of
living without a “story.” They believe—because it’s the only thing they “know”—that
their story, however meager they judge it to be, is what defines them and gives their
lives a sense of meaning and purpose.
But living without any “story” defining us is incredibly freeing and empowering. We
are just always here, loving and appreciating the fact that we are awake and alive in this
very moment.
We are simply a beautiful, conscious human being, doing our work in life,
celebrating all that is good, and contributing to others in whatever way we can.
And of course, we still have lots of stories about everything because that’s what we
humans are—story-telling people. But now we’re free of the identification with all our
thoughts and stories, including and especially the story of “I” and “me.” Consequently,
we generally become a much better story-teller, telling stories that are wise, inspiring,
and healing.
So, when we’ve come to the realization that while we have a name, and an identity
as parent, or child, and as a citizen of this or that country, or a member of this or that
ethnic group or race, but we are not any of those labels or identities, then we are free.
We are awake, aware, and free in this moment—right here, right now. We exist here,
now, and we feel one with the immense silence, the spaciousness and richness of being,
that underlies all creation.
We flow with life, in harmony with all that is. This is the spirit, the heart and soul
of awakened awareness, or consciousness.

“After enlightenment nothing changes, yet everything is somehow

different.”

Zen saying
 167

73. There is Only One Rule

For the person who is awake and free, there is only one rule: do no harm. Do no harm
to self or other.
After all, we have realized we are not separate from the one consciousness that is
behind all creation. We, along with every other living being—not just people, but animals,
birds, trees, and plants—are a part of the whole.
This is the essence of the experience of love: feeling our kinship with all other living
things, our oneness with all of creation.
We are guided in every moment as to what to think, say, or do next. And we can do
anything we can think or dream—literally anything, assuming we have the wherewithal.
Just do no harm. And what if an action we take—perhaps not guided by the wisdom or
love we normally feel—does appear to do harm to someone or something? Then we make
amends, apologize, and come right back to being here, now.
But we don’t get lost in a “story”—of guilt perhaps, and self-blame—and of racking our
brains about what we should have done. Now we are more awake and free, we realize the
error in that, and we are more interested in being fully available and present to this
moment, here, now…

Do no harm to self or other is the only “rule” for a happy life.

 168

74. The Silence that is our True Nature

“All things appear and disappear in silence,” said Jean Klein.

We can read these words for ourselves, on a plaque below a bench at Hendry’s Beach,
or Arroyo Burro as it is now called, in Santa Barbara.
Jean spent his last years living there. When he was confined to a wheelchair, he would
sit near the site of the bench, now adjacent to the restaurant, facing southeast, and gaze
contemplatively out at the ocean, enjoying the exquisite silence behind the noise of the
people.
All things appear and disappear in silence. These seven simple words sum up the
essence of his teaching, and of the nondual truth of life.
Everybody who has awakened to their true nature, even though they may never have
heard these actual words before, will understand immediately what they mean.
Behind everything, giving rise to everything, is the vast, exquisite silence and space
that we are. The more awake and free we are, the more we feel ourselves one with that
silence. We are the silence.
Listen for the silence right now. Take a deep, slow, conscious breath and be supremely
present, alert, watchful within and without.
Drop every “story” from our mind—thoughts, beliefs, the “I” or ego thought and its
obsessions—and feel that fact of our existence here, now. It is undeniable—we exist here
and now. This is the one absolute, changeless reality of which we can be certain.
Now notice how everything else comes and goes in our experience: thoughts and
stories, even the “I” and “me” thought; sensations, feelings, and emotions; people, things,
events, and circumstances.
But we, as these aware, conscious human beings, remain. We exist as awareness, the
space in which everything comes and goes, appears and disappears. So, be one with that
space. Sink into it. Rest in it. Allow ourselves to merge fully with it, so that we and the
vast spaciousness of being—the ocean of consciousness—become one.
Now listen for the silence that permeates the spaciousness we are. Become one with the
silence. Allow ourselves to bask in it—the dynamic stillness, the fullness, the richness.
Realize that it is the source of all creation. Everything that is born, lives, and dies flows out
of this silence and dissolves back into it.
We can even say a little mantra to ourselves: “I am this…” and then release it, let it go,
and simply come back to basking in the delicious silence of being.
Now contemplate this: realization is knowing ourselves as formless silence, one with all
life, and embodiment is expressing that knowing in the world in a beautiful, creative,
harmonious way.
Many people find it relatively easy to be present in the vast silence of nature, or when
they are alone. The real challenge is to be truly present with other people, especially those
we have conflicts or issues with, like family members, co-workers, or groups of people
who seem foreign to us.
Only awakening to love and freedom effectively and permanently addresses that
challenge. The practice is a simple and effective tool for bringing us to the silence that is
our true nature.
Each time we do it, remembering the mantra “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” if
we need to, our mind stops, and we become present, alert, with all our senses attuned in
this moment. Our heart opens, our “I” or “me,” our ego-based thoughts and “stories” drop
away, along with distracting feelings and emotions, and our connection with the vast
silence behind everything becomes more established.
On a personal note, when people ask me what kind of music I like, I respond with: “I
enjoy all kinds, but my favorite is the music of silence.”
After all, all sounds—both familiar and original—arise from it and disappear back into
it. The deep, humming vibration of pure silence is the most exquisite sound there is!
In fact, none other than Mozart said, “The music is not in the notes, but in the silence in
between.”
Listen to it now. Feel the silence…

“You can’t think your way to silence.”

Michael Jeffreys
 170

75. When Silence is Used as an Escape

A man in his sixties, Eduardo, attended several workshops in Los Angeles with me. He
had retired from a long business career, and since then had become really interested in
meditation and freedom.
But there was a problem in his life: his wife’s sister. She lived nearby and was always
sick or broke. His wife loved her sister, understandably, and always bugged him to help
her.
But Eduardo had grown tired of listening to his wife, and very definitely tired of helping
his sister-in-law. As a result, he used his meditation and alone time as an excuse to stay by
himself, and to explore, as he told his wife, “the solitude of the self, the secret of
awakening.” In truth though, he grew increasingly more resentful of his wife’s relationship
with her sister.
During our last workshop together, he sat in silence for most of it, and didn’t share
anything. Toward the end, I asked him what was going on with him.
“I’m just sitting, resting in the silence of being, like you advise,” he said, with no
emotion or passion in his voice.
Another man, Bernie, who was in his early seventies, had also been attending my
workshops and had just had a profound breakthrough at this one. I’d led the group in a
guided meditation, and when Bernie shared, he was on fire—there was light and energy, a
new vitality in his eyes and his expression.
“I touched the Void during that meditation,” he said, with passion in his voice. “I
touched the Void for the very first time in my life, and I realize I am that… I am that Void
which is filled, as you say, with creative energy.”
He stood up, smiling hugely, and gave me a big hug. “Thank you,” he exclaimed.
“Thank you…” He looked around at the group. “And thank you all… The resonance of our
energy helped me to taste my true nature…”
After Bernie sat down, I looked at Eduardo, who was brooding as he contemplated
Bernie’s breakthrough.
“And what about your wife, and your sister-in-law, the two, main people in your life
right now… How is your relationship with them?” I asked.
“Fine… If I don’t think about it,” he said, quietly.
I allowed a long silence, so that everyone could feel what was happening.
“But eventually you do have to think about, don’t you, Eduardo?” I remarked, gently.
“I guess I do… The situation doesn’t seem to go away.”
 “No, it doesn’t go away,” I said. “With all your meditation on beingness, with all your
solitude, it doesn’t go away…”
Eduardo shifted in his chair. “What do you suggest I do, then?”
“You have to do what you’re refusing to do,” I said. “You have to learn to welcome the
situation, and deal with it. You have to see that your resistance to your wife’s “bugging”
you to help her sister is your ego speaking… And you are not your ego, which comes and
goes in the awareness you are… Awareness, consciousness, love is what you always and
really are…”
His eyes brightened.
“Then you need to start having a relationship with your wife again… You have to start
talking to her, communicating with her, inviting her to share this journey of healing and
awakening you are on.”
“Hmmm…,” he mused. “But she’s not into this meditation stuff… She doesn’t share
my interest in it.”
“She doesn’t need to,” I said. “This may be your particular thing, coming to these
workshops, exploring the art of freedom and happiness, but the proof that it’s working for
you is that it allows we to be more present in your life and relationships, to show up more
for the people in your life…”
I spoke to the group as a whole. “If this work just results in your being more isolated,
more sequestered away in your so-called meditation, then you’re missing the whole
point…”
Then I turned back to Eduardo. “You need to start engaging your wife again, talking
with her from this place of equanimity, from the clarity you have realized in your times
alone. Then, together, you can face and deal with the problems before such, such as that of
your sister-in-law…”
“Huh…” Eduardo grunted, and I could tell something had shifted in him, and that the
glimmer of something new had come into his awareness.

It is not about seeking out silence as a refuge, though that may be necessary
early on. Rather, it about realizing that silence is our true nature—and that
it’s always here, no matter how noisy the world around us.

Then, when we are established knowingly in that silence, we can look

around, and see who we need to communicate with…
 172

76. Ending the Mind’s Chatter

Brian, who lived in Europe, had heard me on an internet show started by a group of
people devoted to the Sedona Method, a technique for clear the mind and becoming free.
We began having sessions on Skype every two weeks. He taught Asian Studies at a
university in England.
After about four months we’d started, he had a breakthrough, the “ah ha” moment that,
as he said, changed everything for him.
“So who is this ‘Brian’ character you take yourself to be?” I had asked him, after he had
been talking for the umpteenth time about something that had happened to him. The
question had stopped him in his tracks. Then, slowly, it dawned on him.
“He doesn’t actually exist, does he…?” he said. “Yet I, as the awareness behind
everything, am still here…”
“Knowing and deeply understanding that I can't be anything else but this seeing
happening right now,” he said, in a subsequent session, “has become so convincing that all
other identifications are collapsing.”
He paused. “However, there is something that still bothers me at times…” he continued.
“A minor distraction, but a distraction nevertheless.” He gazed into my eyes. “You say
your mind is quiet, empty a lot of the time, right?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “When we see through the ‘I’ thought and its endless stories about
itself, the whole ‘me, myself, and my story’ obsession tends to drop away… That leaves a
very clear and quiet mind,”
“That’s my problem,” he said. “Even though I now feel much freer, my mind seems to
chatter constantly, making commentary on this or that… Nothing really significant, but it
rarely shuts up… Maybe it’s because I’ve taught at university for so many years and my
approach to life has always been so intellectual.”
“We have to make an even deeper shift in awareness in order to more fully embody our
understanding,” I said. “What’s one of these recurring thoughts or ‘stories’ you tell
ourselves that’s an actual example of what you’re talking about?”
He sat back, closed his eyes, and thought for a moment.
“I find myself thinking, ‘this is important,’ a lot,” he said, opening his eyes. “Yes, that’s
it… ‘This is important,’ and thoughts become seductive, generating even more thinking…”
He hesitated. “Sometimes there’s a bit of frustration with the thought of all the work I
have to do,” he admitted.
“So, right now, just close your eyes,” I instructed him. “Then take a few deep, slow
breaths, and just be alert and present in this moment… Now see the phrase, which really an
ego statement, ‘this is important,’ written out on the screen your mind…”
“I see it clearly,” he said, after a few moments.
“So, because you can see it, like any other object,” I said, “You cannot obviously be
it…”
“No, of course not,” he murmured, after contemplating this for a few minutes. “I am not
my ego, I am the seeing…”
“Now open your eyes and just be supremely present…,” I said.
As he opened his eyes, his whole expression relaxed.
“Well,” he said, “my mind is certainly quiet in this moment. Just the conscious, slow
breathing did it… And then seeing that I am not that ego thought, nor any thought, but
rather I am the seeing, what is always here…”
“Yes,” I said. “When we breathe and relax into what we are, the pure seeing, and not
this ego ‘I’ who thinks this or that is important, we experience more openness, quiet,
calm…”
Whenever we notice ourselves getting caught up in thinking, use that as our key to
breathe, relax, and come back to presence here and now. Then watch how our thoughts,
including the “I” thought, comes and goes, but “we,” who watches, are always here…

The less we think, the more present and powerful we are.

 174

DOING THE PRACTICE

Mastering the Shift

To master the shift, which is essential for true awakening, the final freedom, we must be
totally honest with ourselves.
We must leave no stone unturned in our quest for freedom, no “thought” we identify
with unexamined. Is there anyone we haven’t forgiven—anyone we still resent, blame, hold
a grudge against, or are simply annoyed at?
If there is, we’re not yet free. Yet, we increasingly realize that only now is real, and that
however we may have wronged or betrayed us in the past, that was then, and this is now!
So, ultimately, we discover that a single thought alone is responsible for all our self-
doubt, suffering, and misery—the “I” or “me” thought, this ego “self” we most personally
and intimately identify with, that we think is “who” we are, that we take to be “real.”
We must see that the voice of the ego “I,” the “story-teller,” is no more real than the
“stories” it tells—after all it, too, comes and goes—yet we, as the bright, shining awareness
we are, are still very much here.
Do the mirror meditation if it helps. Affirm the liberation mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that
gets triggered?” and then let it sink in. The more we see this—that we are not the “me”—
the more we come upon a peace that is beyond understanding. We are untriggerable—
except, of course, for those moments when a residue of an old ego pattern arises.
After all. we still have an “I” or “me” thought, an ego, although now we know we are
not it. We still have “stories,” lots of them, and our emotional history, but we now know
that we are not that either. Freed of the sense of being an “I,” a psychological/emotional
“person,” our mind is much, much quieter, more alert and present.
Then we come to true inner silence, a silence that does not need words or anything else
to sustain it, because it is the foundation, the background, the context of our very being. It
is a silence that is healing, vast beyond worlds, and is continually self-renewing. It is a
silence that is the source of everything, that is rich and full of an infinitely vibrant love,
compassion, and creative energy.
And we realize we are the silence, that we and it are one—right now, right here, in this
very moment. This opens the voice in our heart, which is or true voice—deep, resonant,
and very present.
It is this voice, which most often expresses itself as an intuitive nudge, that guides us in
everything we do…
 175

The Second Relationship Practice—Connecting with Someone Close

Let me tell you a true story about the first time I consciously connected with my late
father, James Alan Dreaver, or “Jimmy” as he was known to his friends.
We—Barbara, my wife at the time, and our then four-year-old son, Adam—had taken a
trip back to New Zealand from Sebastopol, California, where we lived.
We were having dinner at my father’s and his wife, Flora’s, home on Auckland’s North
Shore and it was still very light outside. It was January, and the seasons of course are
reversed in the Southern Hemisphere.
Suddenly my father, sitting to the left of me, put down his knife and fork, and turned to
face me. I turned and faced him and looked deeply into his eyes. We held each other’s gaze
for not longer than 30 seconds, but that was all it took.
We connected at a deep, heartfelt level, beyond any “story” of “father” and “son.” It
was pure being-to-being, and for a moment or two we were one. Then my father smiled
warmly at me and went back to his dinner.
As the dinner table conversation resumed amongst the five of us, I realized that that
connection was so profound that if I never saw my Dad again, it would be okay. After a
lifetime together, we had just met each other in the most authentic way possible.
So now to the practice of connecting with a friend—our spouse or partner, a lover or
someone else we feel comfortable with…
Simply sit down, knees touching, and close our eyes so we can each get into a clear,
open space on our own. Then, when we are ready, open our eyes and gaze at each other…
Let our gaze be soft, warm, and welcoming as we meet each other from a place of pure
beingness, without any ego agenda, judgment, expectation, or assumptions in the way…
If we do have some judgment about this person, just notice it… Remember that it’s a
“story” that comes and goes and therefore we don’t identify with it…
This will allow us to, eventually, sink even more deeply into our true awakened nature
so we can connect even more deeply with our partner…
Then, after a few minutes—or however long feels good to both—one person says the
embodiment mantra out loud to the other: “This moment now…”
The other person takes in the communication and then, when they are ready, responds
with the same words back: “This moment now…”
Then simply allow the energy of this moment now to guide us into what to think, say, or
do next—although, almost certainly, we will probably smile, even laugh, at the profound
simplicity of our mutual realization!
This, by the way, is the very best thing that couples can do to heal their relationship—
spend a few minutes, or longer, silently holding hands and eye-gazing with each other.
Then they connect at more of a being-to-being, or heart level, which is immensely healing.
Eventually, after we have done this practice of connecting with a friend many times, it
will be increasingly natural to connect with all our friends in this warm, open, and
welcoming way…

“We love most those around whom we feel the freest to be ourselves.”

Jean Klein
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PART THREE

THE THIRD TEACHING—THIS

MOMENT NOW
 178

Chapter Six

Embodying our Realization in Daily Life

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77. Dancing with Desire

Most spiritual paths talk about getting free of personal desires to find truth, to find
“God.” Monks in various traditions deny themselves the normal pleasures and desires of
the world, including and especially sexual desire, because they see it as a hindrance to
inner freedom and union with God.
As a result, many monks, priests, and nuns throughout history, being otherwise
normal human beings, have burned inwardly with resistance, and struggled to overcome,
their sexual desires, let alone their other desires—for power, possessions, intoxicants, or
whatever.
After decades of this inner struggle, many of them become dry and ascetic, shells of
their former vital selves. I’ve met and known a few such monks and nuns myself.
Fortunately, on this, the nondual path to awakening, there is no such exclusion of desire.
Desire is still very much there—the desire for sex; for partnership, intimacy, and
friendship; for food and sleep; for a change of atmosphere or environment; and even, for
some of us, the desire to alter or expand consciousness by using alcohol or drugs. We
still have our likes and dislikes, our preferences—our “stories”—but they don’t run us
anymore.
The key thing to know about these normal, human desires is that they arise and fall
away, just like everything else in life. So, the more awake and free we are, the less
attached to our desires we are.
If they can’t be satisfied right now, we are okay with that. After all, we are already, in
this moment at least—and, again, there is only this moment—one with the ease, harmony,
and flow of life.
We are happy in this moment now, in other words—this is our new “story!”

When we understand that the coming and going of desire is a part of being
human, desire will no longer be a problem. We will simply dance, or flow
with it…!
 180

78. Will and Willpower

The freer we are of our ego, of the “me” and its “story,” the more naturally problems
pertaining to will and willpower are resolved.
When we are still identified with our ego, we are always struggling with will. We are
literally trying to “will” certain things into existence or doubting that we have the “will”
to make them happen, to achieve a goal, or rid ourselves of an addiction.
But the more awake and free we are, the more our personal sense of will becomes the
universe’s will for us, for this unique body, mind, and personality we are expressing as.
We and it, the universe, are one. Or, to put the same idea into a religious context:
“Thy will, not mine, oh Lord.”
Sometimes those on a spiritual journey subscribe to the view—the “story”—that
everything is preordained, or destined, and that we have no free will. But ultimately,
arguments about whether we have “free will” or not are academic, just more “story.”
My “story” is that we were destined to be born and are destined to die, but everything
in between is our free will. After all, we consciously choose to do this or that; to live here
or there; to seek out this relationship, or open ourselves to another, or to purse this
direction in life, or a that one.
To put it in pure nondual terms, our destiny is free will, and free will is our destiny.
The more awake we are to our true nature as universal consciousness, the more our
will is in alignment with what the universe—or “God”—wants from us, and the more our
actions are in harmony with the whole.
This is what the Buddha meant by the term “right action.”

Will and willpower are also an essential aspect of our humanity. The more
awake and free we are—embodying presence and heart—the more we use
them wisely. Then we have a new “story” to share…!
 181

79. Ambition and Success

Often, people—especially spiritual seekers—wonder about ambition, about having

dreams of what they want to accomplish in life, about setting goals they want to achieve.
Is it okay, they ask, to be ambitious, to have our life be a success?
Of course, it is. Changing our diet, eating more consciously, and exercising to realize
a more optimal level of health; doing what’s necessary to advance our career; or saving
money to buy a car, a house, or some other investment to ensure our family’s well-
being—these are all worthy goals.
The more conscious and aware we are, the less “story” we have about these goals and
plans. We know what we want, we set our intention, and then we release it and come
back to the present moment, and begin the work needed to fulfill our ambition.
If our work involves a lot of thinking—as in accounting, legal work, or computer
programming—our mind is more available as a creative tool when we are relatively free
of this “I” who gets stressed and anxious.
It is the same with artistic or manual pursuits; the freer we are of the “I,” our ego, the
easier it is to get into the creative flow, the intuitive feel of the work.
The beauty of this approach is we’re less attached to the ultimate outcome—and
especially to ideas, or “stories” about success, fame, or celebrity. Even if success comes
to us, or fame or celebrity, the more awake we are, the less concerned we are about these
outer trappings.
With awakening our mind is clear, and our attention is fully focused on what is
needed now, and the next step. This, of course, increases the likelihood that our efforts
will be rewarded by success. Success in any venture is directly proportional to our
commitment.
How committed are we, then, to what we say we want? This becomes the only
question we need ask ourselves in terms of the results we seek.

To be genuinely happy in this moment is the secret of true success.

 182

80. The Power of Thought

As I have pointed out many times, the more awake and free we are, the more we
consciously use thought and intention as a creative tool to direct and guide us in the
process of living. This is the Law of Attraction in its most potent form.
After all, thoughts, while not “real” in the sense we cannot find them anywhere (they
fleetingly come and go), are enormously powerful.
Everything human-made began as an idea, a thought, a vision, an imagining, or an
intuition in someone’s mind. Everything from the tiniest microchip to the largest bridge,
building, tanker, or jumbo jet, started as a flash of inspiration between someone’s ears—
not to mention books, movies, and the whole media complex.
That’s the power of thought. And the freer we are, the more thought becomes
available to us as an amazing, dynamic, creative tool. Truly, the possibilities are
limitless—just consider what is happening today with the internet, artificial intelligence,
and social media, and how deeply our creative lives are entwined with cyberspace.
Most of the noise in people’s minds is from thinking about themselves, their life, their
problems, their hopes, doubts, fears, and desire, and often to the point of obsession, as in:

What’s going to happen to me?

Why is this happening to me?
Does he or she love me?
How will I make it on this amount of money?
What should I say or do now?
God, I feel so lost/confused/unhappy…!

This endless “self” obsession, which people engage in when they still believe that
their thoughts are real, creates all kinds of emotional havoc, not to mention physical stress
and illness, in the body.
Believing they are this ego “self,” people either cling to the idea of “positive” thinking
in the hope that things will turn out well for them, or remain mired in negative thinking,
with all its conflicting emotional reactions.
And yet the emotional havoc is completely unnecessary once we see or understand the
connection between thoughts and emotions. We are left with all the beauty and creative
potential of this very moment, and we are free to do whatever we want with it.
 Thought, and the ego “I” itself, is seen for what it is—a powerful tool that we, as
awareness or consciousness are senior to, and yet have available to us. Whatever we can
dream or intend to make happen, this moment—and all the immense possibility that lies
within it—is ours.
We use thought, or conscious “story,” to set our intention, release it, and then be here
now, immersed in the flow of what is happening.
We can even indulge our imagination, our power of fantasy, to help flesh out our
dreams, to make them more vivid in our minds. Just remember to return to reality, to
being grounded in our body, here and now, when we are done.
Or, as Jean Klein said, “Imagination is meant to enhance living, not substitute for it.”

Every thought is a story, and every story an intention. Realizing the power
of thought, “we”—as the ego “I”—use thought consciously and creatively,
with wisdom and compassion.
 184

81. The Power of Awakened Intention

Awakened intentions are brief, conscious “stories” that we choose from a place of
clarity and emptiness to align our mind and will with our heart’s desire. They serve to
attract and bring to us what we really, really want in the deepest recess of our heart.
After all, we live in the real world, the relative reality, and so we draw on the power of
awakened intention to better our daily experience. Also, because they arise from our heart,
they invariably serve the greater good, so everybody benefits.
I have used many of these intentions myself in the past, and they worked beautifully.
With two of my intentions, however, it took many years for them to manifest. One was
around my son being “healthy, happy, and successful,” and another was attracting my ideal
partner, a woman who was as beautiful, to me, on the inside as she was on the outside.18
I would affirm and visualize what I wanted to have happen every morning. I would take
a break in my exercise routine, stand in presence, and see it as if it were already so right
now. Then I’d drop it, let it go, and come back to being present.
Eventually I stopped the affirmation and visualization altogether. I realized it was out
of my hands. The universe knew what I wanted, and it was up to it to deliver in its own
time—which I knew it would. The universe invariably delivers on our intentions when
they arise from our heart, from a loving place.
That’s the thing about awakening: the freer we are, the less attached, paradoxically, we
are to manifestation. It is enough to just appreciate the perfection of what is manifesting in
this very moment! This, as I have emphasized throughout this book, is the true healing.
As it turned out, my son who some years ago was threatened with being homeless and
who was in a dark place in his life, came to live with me in West Los Angeles. He had a
problem with marijuana addiction and alcohol and couldn’t support himself.
It was a challenging first year for both of us, but I was determined to be there for him. I
had been running, at least emotionally, from family all my life. But this was the moment
when I stopped and embraced my family responsibility, specifically his well-being.
Eventually I learned what he wanted from me: to stop micro-managing him, step back,

18
A third intention, to win the California lottery, while it hasn’t happened yet, I was given a foretaste. Just
as I was completing this book, I got 5 out of 6 numbers, and won $1203. Winning the lottery would of
course be the ultimate demonstration of the power of awakening, proof that achieving any material goal
or intention our heart is set upon (other than probably winning the lottery, given the odds!) is virtually a
done deal. Or, as Jesus so eloquently said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all
these things will be added to you.”
and trust him to find his way out of the hole he’d dug for himself. When I finally did that, a
miracle happened. He made a complete one-eighty and turned his life around.
He got clean and sober with help from AA, and now, at the time of writing this, he is in
a much better place in his life—sober, steadily employed, and much more present. It was
about six months before he got sober that I met Tanya at a workshop I was teaching in
Santa Barbara, and as our relationship has unfolded, it increasingly has the feel of destiny
to it.
When I reflect on it, I continue to be amazed at, and grateful for, the universe and the
way it works. Just when I finally and willingly embraced my fathering responsibilities, the
“ideal partner” I’d visualized for years shows up—plus there was the opportunity to
welcome a new family into my life!
So, awakened intentions are a tool for harnessing our mind’s power. After all, if we live
in and are fully engaged in the world, we want certain things—a beautiful relationship, a
happy family, work we love and that serves others, and enough money to live in comfort.
Below are some examples of personal affirmations, always remembering first, that as
we say the affirmation to ourselves, we visualize it already so in our life, to the extent of
taking whatever action we can, if action is needed.
The second thing we need to do of course, after we have clearly expressed our intention
to the universe, saying it out loud or to ourselves, is drop it and come back to the fullness
and power of the present moment.
After all, as we increasingly realize, there is only ever this moment—and, ultimately,
we are just grateful and happy that we’re awake, alive, and present in this moment.

For health: I am feeling healthy, strong, and fit.

For healing from illness and pain: I trust my body to heal itself, and I am relaxed and
pain-free, or—even more importantly—I am awake and free and can manage this pain.

For a relationship: I have a beautiful partner who is perfect in every way for me.

For a job: I am attracting my ideal career/work to me… Meanwhile, I appreciate the

job I have as an opportunity to awaken ever more deeply, and to serve others.

For more financial prosperity: I have more than enough money in my bank account.

When the mind and the heart are aligned, the power of thought and intention
available to us to create what we want is limitless.
 186

82. Pay Attention to the Signs

The Sufis have a saying: “Pay attention to the signs.”

Look and listen for the signs in our own life, especially when we’ve just made an
important decision, or had a significant realization.
It will be something unexpected, will come as a surprise, or in some other way appear
out of the blue. It will come in the form of a sound we hear, a sight we see, or something
we touch, taste, or smell, or maybe someone says something “telling” to us.
Whatever it is, it will let us know, confirm, we are on the right track—or that we are
heading in the wrong direction.
As an example, once I was driving up the freeway toward Santa Barbara one evening
and had been pondering—almost as a prayer to the universe, my higher “Self”— what I
needed to do expand the reach of my message.
After a moment’s silence, the words, “Write a best-selling book, one that hits it out of
the park,” came to me, and then suddenly a loud whistle from a nearby Amtrak train
shattered the night’s silence.
For me, the sound of that train was an unmistakable sign, and soon after I began
working with new energy and purpose on the book that I had started when I lived in Los
Angeles, and that you are now reading.

Pay attention to the signs the universe is giving us. It may—or may not—
mean something significant.
 187

83. Don’t Wobble

Where do we wobble, vacillate, or are hesitant or uncertain in our own life? Where are
we not wholeheartedly being ourselves, and embracing fully whatever we are engaged in
right here, right now?
Whenever we waver inwardly, the chances are high that we are not being honest or
truthful with ourselves. And yet self-honesty, a rigorous truthfulness with ourselves—as
we have explored already—is essential on our journey of awakening.
We cannot find inner freedom without it. We need to muster the courage to face our
inner demons, our unconscious urges and motivations if we want to be free of them.
The practice affords a relatively simple way of doing this. It brings us back to the truth
of what is so, here and now. It brings us back to the place of seeing without any “story”
whatsoever, and especially not our ego, our “I” or “me” story. Then we can see our
situation clearly, as it actually is.
One factor causing people to wobble is their fear of making a mistake, of looking
foolish. But the freer we are of any “self” image, the more at ease we are. Then it is easy
for us to take a stand for something, to say a strong “Yes,” or “No.” This is the awakened
“I” in us asserting itself.
After all, we are one with the flow of life and creation, and we enjoy the opportunity
to serve, to help out in any way we can—and if we do somehow act in a way that is
foolish or stupid, well, it was what it was.
We apologize, and say or do whatever else is necessary, and come right back to this
very moment.
Now there is one last, cautionary word for those us who still wobble, and that is:
mediocre. Whatever we want to accomplish in life, work, or in our relationships, we
assured of getting mediocre results if we wobble.
But the moment we take a stand for our mission, purpose, or cause—or whatever our
reason for being here is—we begin to shine like the brightest of stars.

“Sit or stand; above all, don’t wobble.”

Zen saying
 188

84. Experiencing Freedom around Money

For much of the world’s population, life is a daily struggle for survival—for food,
shelter, and clothing. Even here in the West, most of us must watch our finances closely.
Making enough money to pay our bills and balance the budget is, for many, a constant
worry.
Take a few minutes to write down the negative, limiting beliefs or “stories” we have
around money. See if we can locate the core story running us. Some examples are:

Money is the root of all evil—or, money is a necessary evil.

We can’t be rich and happy.
I don’t manage money well.
I’m drowning in a sea of debt.
My family wasn’t wealthy, and I won’t be either.
Money is just too hard to come by, so I must hold tightly to what I have.
I don’t fundamentally care about money—there are far more important things in life.
(This was always my own “story”—and my truth, in fact.)

When we’ve located the core story behind the way we relate to money, pause and take
a deep, slow breath, and congratulate ourselves. We’ve just found out what’s in the way of
our having a vastly different and much easier, more harmonious relationship with money.
After all, it’s the “story” we tell ourselves around money that produces all the negative
feelings in our body—stress, worry, anxiety, anguish, panic, fear, desperation, and
depression.
But now we have this wonderful tool—awakening—to use whenever we find
ourselves getting caught up in an upsetting “story” around money.
Remember, it’s the feeling of stress, anxiety, or upset that initiates the response. We
want to learn to make the practice our instinctive, habitual response to any disturbance in
our energy field.
The moment we feel any worry within us, take a deep, slow breath and be supremely
present with what is. Do the simple practice. Be the open-hearted awareness we are.
Then say to ourselves, “I welcome this anxiety I was just feeling because it’s showing
me where I’m not yet free.”
Then ask: “What’s the story I’m telling myself, that’s fueling my upset?” Of course,
it’s a money “story,” one we’ve identified in the exercise above, and which we’ve told
ourselves hundreds, if not thousands, of times before.
Say to ourselves: “Oh, I’m getting caught up in that story again.”
Then see how the story, just like the reactive feeling it causes, comes and goes, but
we—as this aware, conscious person witnessing this whole process—are always here. So,
breathe and relax into the beautiful being we are.
We look at our situation with new eyes and see what needs to be done to resolve the
issue at hand. The action we take may be creating a budget to get more control of our
spending, or focusing our energy and attention on new avenues for bringing more money
into our life. Or, if we are doing well and have a surplus, paying down debt or making
wise decisions around investing what we have.
And what if we can’t pay our bills, and our creditors are hounding us? The more
established we are in our true nature, the better we feel inside ourselves, no matter what is
happening. We just accept what is, and deal with the situation as best we can.
If need be, and until we have a better relationship with money, we might try creating a
new, positive “story” around it—an awakened intention—as in:

I am now attracting financial abundance into my life... I am serious about making a lot
of money, so it will free me up to be of more service to others… Money comes easily to
me.

Just remember, however, a story, even a positive one, is only an intention, a way of
shifting our perspective on the relative reality in our life—and we are never our story.
We are always, always this beautiful, clear human being who exists here, now, reading
these words. So again, breathe and relax into this realization.
As our freedom around money grows and expands, we will probably gather many new
and inspiring stories around this subject which is still so difficult for many—“stories”
which may help them, our friends at least, heal their relationship with money.
Then, if ever we find ourselves with more than enough money for our own and our
family’s needs, we can look for ways to share our excess with others less fortunate than
ourselves.

“Stories” about money are one of the most pervasive human beings struggle
with. The secret to freedom around money is to see that our money “stories”
are just that—“stories”—and then to drop the “story,” be present, and take
action if action is needed.
 190

85. Being at Peace with our Work

My main profession in life was as a chiropractor, and I worked in private practice in

northern California for many, many years with varying degrees of satisfaction.
However, chiropractic was never my passion. By the time I’d graduated from Palmer
College of Chiropractic in Davenport, Iowa, my spiritual journey was well underway,
and this—the awakening to inner freedom—was what I was truly passionate about. My
practice afforded me the relative freedom to pursue what I loved.
During my time as a chiropractor, I often felt a resistance to what I was doing for a
living and would find myself yearning to be free to do what I really loved, which was
guiding others on the path to freedom.
However, I was not yet free myself! So, I’d continue to return to my office, and
mostly be grateful for the fact that I was able to help people with their health issues and
be relatively well-paid for it.
It was only when I finally awakened to the truth of what I was and always am—the
big realization—that all resistance to being a chiropractor melted in me and, while it still
wasn’t my passion, I was finally at peace with it. I remained relatively contented in
practice for eight more years, until the strokes ended my chiropractic career.
The more we use the simple practice to face our fears and stories around work and
money, and our real or imagined needs, and realize we are not our stories, but rather the
awareness which looks at the stories, the freer we will become of all that binds us.
Then, even if it’s not our passion, we will be at least at peace with, and grateful for,
the work we currently have. We will see it as another opportunity to love and to serve
people, while earning some much-needed income for ourselves.
Maybe it’s our desire, ultimately, to share the message of awakening with others—or
perhaps we have another intention or goal in mind—but right now, we need to make
money, and so that’s what we are going to do.
We do what we gotta do, as the saying goes.19 After all, we live in a material universe,
and we need money to survive with any degree of comfort, let alone thrive and flourish.

The more awake and free we are, the more at peace with everything we
are—including any job or work we might do.

19
Living in Santa Barbara is so expensive that for two years I took a part-time job working as a security guard at the
Art Museum—a perfect opportunity to embody the presence I teach, enjoy interacting with my colleagues and
museum visitors, and get a very welcome paycheck!
 191

86. When Someone Cuts Us Off on the Freeway

When we get cut-off on the freeway, or something else happens with another driver
that we deem inconsiderate or unconscious, how do we react?
The more awake and free we are, the more we will just allow them to do what they
do, as we continue on our way with the flow of traffic. Yes, a reaction may arise—
“Jerk!”—but we quickly let it go as we relax back behind the wheel.
But if we’re still identified with our ego “I,” the “me” and its “story,” we probably get
upset, angry, and maybe even experience some road rage as we plot ways of getting the
other drive back. This, of course, is dangerous and increases the possibility of an
accident. After all, we are driving on a busy freeway!
So the freeway offers us an excellent opportunity to become even freer—pardon the
pun! We learn to welcome such opportunities because they are showing we where we
still get caught, are still identified with this ego “I” who can be triggered.
We do the simple practice as we breathe deeply and slowly, and remember to come
down out of our mind, our thoughts. We grip the steering wheel firmly and be fully
present with the freeway and the traffic.
Then we step back inwardly and reflect on the story we just got caught up in—“How
dare that effing driver who just cut me off!”—which triggered our anger. Realize we are
not the story or the anger, both of which come and go… Rather, we are always this, the
clear, aware person who is here, now…
“Who is this ‘me’ who just got pissed at that driver?” we ask ourselves, when we are
feeling calmer. Of course, any answer to that question will just be another “story!”
Then breathe again, and relax even more fully into our true nature, the ultimate
Reality, that which we are underneath our ever-changing thoughts and reactions, and the
other cars whizzing by us.

The freer we are of any “story” about those “other damned drivers,” the
less we attract impatient or angry drivers to us, and the smoother our drive
along the freeway.
 192

87. Waking at Three or Four in the Morning

For those of us who live and work in the real world (as opposed to living on a
mountaintop, or in an ashram or a monastery) it is perfectly natural sometimes to wake
very early in the morning and find ourselves thinking—even worrying—about some
problem or other.
This is especially true during times of transition: a new job or business venture, a new
relationship, a pressing financial issue, or maybe a situation to do with our health, or our
children. Our children, after all, and our inevitable concern about them, are one of the
prime reasons for residues arising.
This happens even with people who are awake and free, and yet have obligations and
responsibilities. The more awake we are, the less we take any situation personally. So,
while there is no “us” to ultimately care about what happens—we may have our
preferences, but we’re not attached to the outcome—the problem is still there, needing
our attention.
So, we find ourselves, sometimes, waking at 3 or 4 a.m., thinking about it. When we
feel we have given enough thought to the problem, we can experiment with the simple
practice to help us get back to sleep.
We can say our embodiment mantra, “This moment now…,” and then breathe deeply
and feel ourselves present in this moment. What I have found that actually works is to
tune-in to my hands, feeling the joints of the fingers as I sink back into the depths of
slumber. The next thing I notice is myself waking up!
There may be times, however, when we find ourselves still awake, and then before we
know it, dawn has come, and so we decide to get out of bed, and get on with our day.
This is why awakening is especially important for older people, who frequently have
problems sleeping—who often wake up from a dream or something else, and then have
difficulty falling asleep again, even though there is nothing in particular on their mind.
At best, we may doze, but still we have trouble actually sleeping. Again, however, the
more rooted we are in our true nature, the more whatever happens is fine with us. We are
just always, always here, now, in this very moment.
We honor the past, remembering people and dates that are important to us, and we
keep an eye on the future, which includes planning, dreaming, and goal-setting. But for
us—who are seeing through the story of “I” and “me” into our true nature as pure
consciousness—the time is always “Now.”
The more we awaken, bringing ourselves back to this moment now throughout the
day, the less we will stress about anything. So, if we do find ourselves waking at three or
four in the morning, having only gotten a few hours of sleep, we will be okay with it.
We will realize that even a lack of sleep doesn’t have the power to disturb our deeper
equanimity—and maybe we will go to bed earlier next time, and even, perhaps, take a
sleeping aid of some kind, pharmaceutical or otherwise…

When we wake up at 3 or 4 am being troubled by some thought or other,

realize this: the more awake we are to our true nature, the less those
“troubling” thoughts will bother us…
 194

88. Watching the News

I’ve always liked keeping up with the times, with current events and developments,
which includes watching the news on television—or, in my case, reading it online and
occasionally looking at a video clip.
A lot of conscious people resist listening to or watching the news because they find it
such a negative experience, with reports of one disaster, murder, war, or tragedy after
another.
However, the news is not all so gloomy, and such people miss out on that too—the
good things happening, the social, cultural, medical, creative, sporting, and technological
breakthroughs and discoveries.
The great thing about being awake and free is that we can watch the news without
being personally affected by it. True, if something especially tragic happens somewhere
we may shake our head at it, even weep with the compassion we feel for the survivors
and their loss.
And if the reporting is covering an especially violent, bloody event, we may well say
“Enough!” and decide to shut it off, or switch to a different channel or website.
Staying current with what is happening just further determines our resolve to
contribute, in our own small way, to making our world a better place.
An old friend, Erich Schiffmann who taught yoga at the school Krishnamurti had
founded at Brockwood Park in England in the mid-Seventies, told me the following
story.
Krishnamurti, who had one of the two T.V.’s in the school in his room, liked to
watch the world news, and enjoyed both crime shows and comedies, like Kojak and
Monty Python. The other T.V. was in the common room, where the students and staff
had a T.V. committee to decide which channel to watch.
One evening, the film The Godfather was to be shown. Many wanted to see it, but
the committee voted it down as “too violent and not in alignment with the kind of
sensitive and enlightened attitude we are trying to foster at this school.”
The next morning, Krishnamurti came down from his room to join the assembled
students and staff at breakfast.
“Did you watch The Godfather last night?” he asked a group of students near him, as
he strode through the room in his erect and alert way.20 “Wonderful film, wonderful
film…!”

20
Erich once said of Krishnamurti that he was like an “animal” in the way in which he was so aware.
 Several of the students groaned, their disappointment very evident. They said no,
they hadn’t seen it because of the T.V. committee’s decision about violence.
“Nonsense,” Krishnamurti said, making a dismissive gesture. Then his voice
softened. “Don’t you see? You watch it, and then you drop it…”

The truth is when we see that what we’re holding onto in our mind comes
and goes, it drops away by itself, and we are simply here, in the present
moment, seeing everything anew.

This “seeing” or experiencing is at the heart of who and what we are.

It is our true, abiding nature...
 196

89. Solving Problems

The Sufis say that a problem is simply an unaddressed situation.

The more we live in the present, this moment now, the more we discover that we only
have to know what the next step is when faced with any problem.
Whether it’s a problem related to health, family or relationships, work, finances, or
some social, creative, or technical issue, the more established we are in our true nature,
the more we just deal with what’s facing we here and now.
This how awakening solves every problem we’ll ever have. We just deal with what’s
in front of us. An experience I had many, many years ago taught me a huge lesson in
being present.
I was on a camping trip in northern California. This was in 1982, a period in my life
when, for several years—as described in the Introductory Pages—I was experimenting
with powerful, mind-altering drugs as a way of expanding my consciousness.
On this day, I’d taken a dose of LSD. Being relatively young and energetic, I decided
to climb a very large black oak tree while I was “tripping.” Wearing only a pair of briefs,
I scampered up it, like a monkey, until I found myself out on a limb, forty feet above the
ground.
Then the realization of where I was suddenly struck me and my elation at my
climbing abilities vanished. I became paralyzed with fear. The acid of course only
exaggerated my fear, for that’s what that drug does—intensifies and amplifies every
feeling and emotion. I glanced looked back to where I’d climbed from.
To get down to the more secure trunk, I first had to deal with a ten-foot stretch of
virtually bare limb about eight inches in diameter. Sitting there on my precarious perch, I
clung ever more tightly to the branch in front of me, deathly afraid of falling.
For a moment I imagined myself falling, my body being ripped apart by the branches,
blood gushing bright red everywhere, and then crashing, with an arm or a leg broken—if
not my skull—on the ground.
Then I shook myself. I realized if ever I was to solve this life-or-death problem and
get down safely, I had to somehow put my fear aside, clear my mind, focus my attention,
and look for a way down. I had no other choice.
And so I did that. The acid, as it does, magnified my increasing coolness, the calm
and calculating warrior in me. (The upcoming lesson, “Conflict and War,” describes my
experience as a young soldier, fighting in the Vietnam War). I became very, very
present—supremely present. My very life depended on my being present.
 Immediately, now that my eyes were open and fearless, I began seeing opportunities.
I saw several little foot and handholds I hadn’t noticed when I was blinded by fear.
So I slithered down a few feet. It was easy. But when I stopped and clung to that
naked limb, my fear came up again, worse than before. Again, the powerful effect of the
acid. As someone once said, describing the drug: “You get whatever channel you
choose.”
As I sat, or squatted there, choking-up with fear, the same process happened all over
again. I saw that I had to get down. I forced myself to be present again, to look for
whatever opportunity might be there.
And again, with the renewed clarity which came from being present, the way opened
up and I traversed the rest of the limb very slowly, yet safely. Finally, I got all the way
down. What a relief it was to stand on solid ground, mother earth again!
This is how we, too, will negotiate major obstacles or problems in our life—with
supreme, calculating presence, one step at a time. We inject no “story” into it, other than
the bare minimum—the wisdom of our past experience—needed for its harmonious
solution.
Remember, the less story, the less problem. Or, as a student once said to me: “When I
am present, there is no problem.”
Then, sooner or later, the way will suddenly open up for us. We will see the solution
to our problem in its entirety, and we will step through into a new, different reality.
Then we will have a happy, inspiring “story” about how we solved the problem to
share with others, if need be.

For every problem, there is a solution. Look at the problem itself, not to
any “story” about it, for the solution. The more awake and present we are,
the more clearly we’ll see the next step.
 198

90. Choices and Decisions

In the “self” help movement, the ego’s power to choose, or “our” power, is given a lot
of emphasis. But on this journey of awakening we are learning that while we have an
ego, we are not our ego—while we have a “self,” we are not the “self.”
So, as we free ourselves from all that we “believed” we were, including this ego
“self,” choices and decisions become a more effortless process in our life. We live very
much in the flow of what is happening now, what needs to be done now, and we are
guided by our intuition when it comes to making a choice or decision.
The more awake and free we are, the more we know what to do in any given
situation. Do I go left or right? Do I eat now or wait? Do I buy or sell?
When faced with making a decision, especially an important one, we may have to
entertain and consider many options, many alternative ways we could go. These are the
“stories” we mull over, think about, in our mind.
When a decision has long-term consequences, be clear about them, and then decide
which consequence we are most willing to live with.
The beautiful thing about making a decision is that, assuming we are relatively free
and don’t continually second-guess ourselves with thoughts of, “Oh my God, was that the
right decision?” we no longer have to think about it. We can once again come back to
seeing life without a story.
Also, if we see that maybe we did make a mistake—chose or decided incorrectly—
we can take whatever corrective action is needed, which may include an apology to
someone hurt by our decision.
We are human, so even though we do our best to consciously abide by the rule of “do
no harm,” we are not perfect. Certainly, we don’t agonize or beat ourselves up. After all,
who is this “self” to beat up, reject, and disapprove of?
We’ve already seen that “he” or “she” doesn’t exist—except as an imagined entity
inside the minds of people still not awake.

The more established we are in our true nature, the more intuitive our
choices and decisions. We just seem to know what to do—and we generally
do the right thing.
 199

91. Awakened Leadership

I read this headline, “Enraged Trump,” in the LA Times soon after the decision to
look at impeaching our 45th president was initiated.
While the remark was made about him, my sense is that our president, along with a
majority of those in congress, is very much identified with his ego. In other words, he
thinks his ego is who he is.
But if we are in a position of leadership or authority, whether in politics or
government, business, or NGO’s, we naturally evolve into—assuming we’re committed
to awakening—“awakened leaders.”
What’s most evident with awakened leaders is their freedom from ego, which allows
their natural warmth, intelligence, and caring presence to shine through.
After all, awakened leaders rest in the knowledge that while they have an ego—
which is strong, resolute, and absolutely focused on the mission and goals of the
organizations they lead—they have realized that they are not their egos.21
This frees them from taking anything personally, and getting mired in all the drama of
a reactive ego—anger, rage, resentment, guilt, shame, defensiveness, judgment, fear, and
a tendency toward arrogance and/or self-loathing.
Instead, they know themselves as the heart-centered awareness behind the coming and
going of their egos. Confident of their own power, they are happy to empower those they
lead—which is true leadership.
Awakened leaders, if they identify with any “story”—other than the mission statement
of the organization they lead—it is simply, “I am present…”
Then, from this place of true presence, they act with decisiveness and focus, and foster
a strong work ethic while at the same welcoming the gifts and talents of everyone they
work with.

Awakened leadership is not rocket science. It is simply to awaken to and embody

the message in this book, and then fulfill our duties as leaders.

21
To watch a 12-minute video on ego-free leadership with Bob Davids, former CEO of a major U.S. corporation, visit
youtube.com and type in “leadership without ego.
 200

92. Conflict and War

Most wars and all acts of violence are, at some level, an expression of the conflicts
simmering or raging inside us, this ego “self” we still take ourselves to be. They are a
symptom of our disconnection from each other, because we must be disconnected—
emotionally—to harm another human being.
And of course, the disconnection from others is the direct result of our
disconnection from ourselves—from the fullness and vibrancy of life here and now.
War is the ultimate expression of our collective human insanity, of egos run amuck.
The fallout from war is tragic and sad in the extreme, above all in the senseless killing,
raping, burning, and maiming of innocent civilians caught in the crossfire.
Wars usually happen because older men, mostly, in positions of political authority
and power, seek an outer solution to the ego-driven conflicts festering inside them.
Then they send younger men—and, these days, women—to fight their battles for them.
Yes, they justify the war in all manner of ways—in defense of country and honor, or
to help a weaker ally who is under attack from a foreign power. And, obviously, often
in the past war has been necessary for humanity to continue to evolve to a more
harmonious state—and, unfortunately, it may continue to be so.
But as Lao Tzu said, those who justify do not convince. After all, justifications are
just one more strategy the ego utilizes to exert its hold over the human mind, and
anything can be justified.
I have experienced war firsthand. As a twenty-year old second-lieutenant, I fought
with New Zealand artillery forces in the Vietnam War between mid-1967 and mid-
1968, the peak of the war there.
I went willingly, inspired by my wanting to be a novelist, and to have my own
“baptism by fire.” I’d read Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises, and other British
novelists of the First and Second World Wars, like Siegfried Sassoon and Robert
Graves, and had all these romantic notions—“stories”—about war.
I knew nothing in those days, however, about awakening, inner freedom, and how
the ego, when we’re still identified with it, projects its ideas, illusions, and stories into
real life situations.
But I had my awakening to the reality of war soon enough. I was a forward observer,
trudging through an open field with Australian infantry, heading toward some woods.
Suddenly the signal came to drop to the ground.
From my squatting position, I asked the soldier in front me what was going on. He
turned and whispered: “The C.O. thinks we might be walking into an ambush.”
Walking into an ambush? I froze with fear. I’d seen the results of ambushes we had
set for the Viet Cong, their bodies dead and mutilated by bullets from our small-arms
fire, or shrapnel from Claymore mines. Even then, I realized at some level, they could
have been me.
But it turned out not to be an ambush, only a Vietnamese wood-cutter who was in
the wrong place at the wrong time. As a result of that experience, all my “romantic”
stories about war dissolved, and I could not wait to get out of Vietnam.
Now, from the perspective of more than four decades of hindsight, I envision a time
when enough of humanity—and especially its leaders in government and politics—will
have awakened to their true nature such that war will be a distant memory.
Maybe there will still be acts of aggression initiated by the minority who are not
awake and driven by an ideology they want to impose on others. Or perhaps the threat
will come from some other group operating from an “us versus them” paradigm. There
will continue to be outbreaks of war, in other words.
To deal with this situation when it arises, one solution is for the United Nations,
or some equivalent global body, to maintain a peace-keeping force comprised of
the best of each countries’ elite troops.
Committed to working together for global peace, love, and freedom these young
men and women would be prepared, if necessary, to lay down their lives for the
rest of us. They would embody the true “warrior” spirit of a clear mind, open heart,
and a fiercely-determined will.
They would constitute a powerful and highly mobile force, armed with the most
sophisticated weaponry and support equipment available, and would then be
dispatched to any corner of the world that needs it.
They would be trained to act swiftly, stealthily, and with whatever lethal force
may be necessary to bring the aggressors to their knees, so that they can eventually
be rehabilitated and educated—if they are open to it—in the ways of awakening.
Finally, regardless of the motivations of the aggressors, let the charge against
them be led by peace-keeping troops from the countries that know them best. After
all, extremism is best handled from within—or close to—its own ranks.
But otherwise, peace within and between nations will be the prevailing reality. For
those of us already awake and free, that day cannot come soon enough.

“Every man is my brother, and every woman my sister, and no matter how
dark your sin, if you genuinely repent and agree to make amends, I will
welcome you with open arms.” This attitude is the key to healing our
global human family.
 202

93. Facing the End of Life

How will we face the end of life when our time comes?
If we are young, we will probably not even think about it, unless we are working in
a field where our life is potentially in danger, such as law-enforcement, fire-fighting, or
the military.
But if we are young and interested in finding the truth within, then we will consider
the matter. After all, we cannot really live fully—be fully alive—until we have faced
the question of our own death.
Everything that is born dies; this is a fact. But what dies? The body, mind, and
personality die. The ego dies, giving rise to the saying: “Die before you die,” which
really means see that we are not our ego, this “self” we take ourselves to be.
Then we have “died” to our ego, and now live from something much, much
bigger—the universal awareness or consciousness that we are.
But does who and what we are—consciousness itself—die? When we awaken to our
true nature as consciousness, the changeless awareness that we are, we realize we have
been present as consciousness throughout every age, every stage, and every experience
we have lived through.
We are always this, in other words. We are always aware of ourselves as existing
here, now, in this very moment. This is the very heart of the big realization. This is the
only thing we can be sure of, except when it comes time for us to die, and our
“existence” on this plane will soon be over.
If it’s a sudden death, well that’s it. One moment we’re here, alive and kicking, and
the next we’re not, and everybody who knew us must come to terms with our death in
his or her own way.
If it’s a more gradual process, because we’ve come to the end of a long life, or if we
have a terminal illness, then we’ll realize we’ve run out of creative options, run out of
time, and there’s nothing to do except be with what’s happening to our body in the
easiest way possible. If there is pain, or difficulty breathing, we do whatever is needed
to be as comfortable as possible.
Yes, we’ve heard all the stories about what happens when we die—stories about
disappearing into a void, about heaven, about a beautiful light and family members
who’ve already passed on waiting to greet us, and the many reincarnation stories.
I personally favor the reincarnation story, perhaps because long ago, when I was in
my early thirties, I had a past-life regression with a hypnotherapist and encountered
two very vivid past lives which explained a lot about my experience in this life.
With my awakening in 1995, when I realized that I was not this “Jim Dreaver”
character that I had believed myself to be ever since I was very young, but rather that I
was and am pure, universal consciousness, my reincarnation experience made sense.
After all, if I am always here, if what I feel myself to be in my essence truly is
immortal, the idea that I, as consciousness, might find myself expressing in another
body at another time is not so far-fetched. Indeed, it makes sense.
But I won’t speculate further, because that would be just more “story.” What interests
me, and what should interest you if you have stayed with me this far into the book, is what
happens, here and now.
And what happens of course is that we will die in the same way we have learned to
live, so we simply remain as present as we can be.
Having realized ourselves as the universal Reality behind everything, we just relax
as much as we can, and enjoy the presence of our loved ones if we are fortunate enough
to have them around us.
We say our goodbyes to each other in whatever way feels right to us, our loved ones
smiling at us, tears glistening in their eyes, some openly weeping. We ourselves are also
smiling, perhaps weakly, perhaps shedding some tears as well.
At some point, we may even have the thought: “Hmm… Death, the next great
adventure… Well, I am ready…”
Then we murmur a prayer of gratitude for a life well-lived, and all the people we
loved and were loved by. Then we close our eyes and surrender into the great Mystery,
knowing that whatever happens, it will be what it is, and that it is all, in the end, good…

The secret of immortality is to die to our ego, this illusory “self” we’ve
taken ourselves to be most of our life. Then we will come fully alive in the
present, this moment now—and realize that this is all there is…
 204

94. From “Self” Loathing to “Self” Loving

Sven, a successful internet marketing consultant, emailed me from his home near
Stockholm, Sweden. He was happily married, with two young daughters who were the
center of his life. He had read my book and was really interested in becoming free.
“I’m prepared to do whatever it takes,” he said in his email. “Right now, I feel a lot of
stress from my business, I have anger issues, I feel judgmental a lot of the time, and I hold
grudges toward anyone I think has done me wrong… and I want to be free of all of this.
Your book really struck a chord within me, so that’s why I am connecting with you.”
We worked together via Skype every two weeks. We explored the significant events in
his childhood. He was adopted at birth by a loving mother and an emotionally distant
father. He reconnected with his birth mother when he was eighteen, and now had a loving
relationship with her.
The approach I took with Sven was the approach we have read about in this book: we
examined each “story” he had around the people or situations that triggered his stress,
resentment, anger, or judgments.
At the same time, we explored this “I,” this ego “self” he took himself to be—the
“story-teller”—and he began to connect the dots. Gradually, as we did this together, it
became more and more tangible, or real for him. He saw with increasing clarity that he
was neither his “story” nor the ego “I,” this “me” who was so invested in the telling of it.
The result was that his “story” about himself, the “story” he had told me in his original
email about stress, anger, and judgment, began to dissolve and he became freer and more
present.
After nine months of working together, he was, essentially, totally free. As he said to
me during our last, formal teaching session:
“I can see this ‘Sven idea was something I’d been intimately identified with my whole
life… This ‘Sven with all his issues… His self-doubt, his anger, his superior attitude
which hid a fierce self-loathing underneath…”
He paused and allowed himself a brief smile.
“Now that ‘Sven’ doesn’t seem to be as much of an issue anymore… It feels as if a
new ‘Sven is emerging, the authentic personality we talked about, that loves and cares
because he realizes his true nature is love, and is just so, so grateful for everything…”
We would connect a few times a year after that, when he would update me as to how
his life was unfolding. Then, two years after our last session, I got an email from him:
“Loving every minute of this, Jim. I have such a calm perspective now, full of
openness and without judgment. Approaching life without the emotional drag is the
freedom I was seeking for so many years. I smile a lot now, something I would never
thought I was capable of…”
“My business is great,” he continued. “I am just so clear and focused in most every
way now… Not perfect, of course, but I’m much easier and more forgiving with myself
these days… Thank you, always…”

When we finally see that our emotional reactions—self-doubt, stress,

resentment, anger, guilt, shame, self-loathing, etc.—are the result of often-
unconscious “stories” we tell ourselves, a deep sense of peace, love, and
freedom in the present arises…
 206

DOING THE PRACTICE

Thinking about Something our Heart Desires

When a thought arises about something we want—a goal or intention we have set—
become very present with, and let it linger a moment or two. We can ask ourselves, “Is
this something my heart really wants?” all the while gazing into the mirror if it helps.
We will know immediately if the answer is “yes.” The thought will keep arising, at
moments throughout the day, until we get it, until the desired object or situation manifests
in physical form. If it’s not our heart’s desire then, assuming we are well on our way to
freeing ourselves from the ego’s grip, it will fall away, drop out of our mind altogether.
The key to awakening is remembering the truth, that we are not any “story,” but rather
the timeless, ever-present awareness in which our “stories” come and go.
We affirm the mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” and embody the reality
of those seven simple yet astonishingly powerful words.
We breathe, become alert, ground ourselves in the present moment, and pay attention
to our inner and outer environment. Then we prove the truth at the heart of this book for
ourselves, by noticing how our thoughts and “stories,” feelings and emotions come and
go, but we—as the clear, open-hearted awareness we are—are always here.
Pay attention, as I have said all along, to the coming and going our “I” or “me”
thought, this ego “self” we take ourselves to be. We must see that it, the “story-teller” that
gets triggered is no more real than the “stories” it tells.
This must be seen a thousand times if necessary—or ten thousand—until it finally
dawns on us: “My God, my ego ‘self’—including my mind and all its content—is just a
‘story’ too, yet ‘I,’ as the beautiful, loving presence I am, am here now!”
This seeing, or realization, or shift results in true awakening, and the end of personal
suffering, simply because we now no longer take ourselves to be a “person.”
Then, now that we’re free of our mind, we can use it as the marvelous instrument it is.
We literally liberate the true power of our mind, which includes our now awakened ego.
We can use it for planning, mulling things over, setting goals and intentions, creating,
communication, imagination, and dreaming about what is possible.
But the more awake and free we are, the more we live in the present moment—only
now is real, remember—and we don’t get lost in our mind. We feel the inexhaustible love
in our hearts, and our lives become about sharing that with everyone we meet…
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Chapter Seven

Shining our Light in our World

 208

95. Knowing we’re Awake and Free

Because he lived nearby, John came by my house for his private sessions. He had
been on the path of awakening for many years and, at the same time, was very sensible
and practical. He was married with grown kids, had worked for years as a successful
college recruiter, had invested his money wisely, and was now retired.
“I’m actually looking to get into what you do,” he said. “Not writing so much,
although maybe I will try my hand at that, but doing sessions with people who want to
wake up…”
His voice trailed off, then he spoke again.
“I believe I am now awake,” he said. “But I’ve come to you to find out for sure.”
I was sitting a few feet away, facing him on the couch. We looked at each other, our
eyes soft as we held each other’s gaze.
“Only you can know for certain,” I said. “That’s why it is called ‘self’ realization…
We realize ourselves as the awareness that sees, and we no longer take ourselves to be a
‘person’ in the ego sense…The main signs are the depth of relaxation, ease, and
presence we experience… And the quiet joy, the sense of peace that emanates from our
eyes, our being…”
I smiled. “So let’s just take a few deep, slow breaths, and breathe into freedom…
And then we’ll sit here and see what happens…”
We sat without saying anything for maybe ten minutes. The silence was palpable. I
felt it as a very sweet energy filling the entire room, and by his blissed-out look, I would
guess that he did too. Occasionally, he or I would blink, but other than that, the
connection was fresh, open, pure being-to-being.
There were no thoughts in my mind, except an occasional, inconsequential
remembering of something, or a thought about something I had to do later. They simply
came and went within the vast presence of the awareness that I was, and that we shared.
I suspected it was the same for him, but I decided to ask.
“Any thoughts stirring?” I queried.
“Not really,” he smiled. “Nothing important anyway…”
“Have you seen your ‘me’ thought, your ego I, for what it is?”
“Yes,” he nodded. “I saw it clearly about three months ago… I was sitting in my car,
waiting for the light to change, thinking about this ‘me’ I had been so identified with all
my life, and it happened… It was as if a floodlight had suddenly turned on in my mind,
and I saw that the whole ‘me’ story was a complete fiction…”
He paused, closed his eyes briefly, and breathed deeply.
 “And yet I, as this conscious being,” he said, “was still very much here. Then the
light changed, and I drove off… And I felt this new sense of freedom and ease, the
lightness of being that comes when we know ourselves as the seeing…”
“And that’s been your experience ever since?”
“Basically,” he nodded. “There have been occasional residues, as you call them,
moments of reaction, of egoic contraction, but they pass pretty quickly and I come back
to simply being here, in the present moment…”
He fell silent again. We continued to hold each other’s gaze, and then we both
smiled simultaneously.
“Sounds like awakening to me,” I said. “And you have a way with words… Maybe
writing a blog or something will be helpful to people.”
“Maybe I’ll do that,” John said. “For certain, this message needs to get out there.
People need to wake up to the beautiful, powerful, and loving beings they really are.
They need to give themselves that gift.”
“They surely do,” I agreed. “It’s the greatest blessing of all, and it’s here for the
taking… It’s everybody’s birthright.”

Once we’ve realized freedom, the only thing left to do is to find a way love
and serve.
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96. Grace and Gratitude

People sometimes say that awakening or enlightenment only happens through “God’s
Grace,” or the grace of some divine power or energy.
That may indeed happen—one can never deny the role of grace in our lives.
However, it has been my experience that most people wake up and become free through
their own clear seeing of the truth.
When we see, finally, that the whole world between our ears—especially the “I”
thought, and the whole drama of “me, myself, and my story,” along with its emotional
fallout—is not real, yet we, as the person who sees of all this, are still very much here, we
are free.
And it has happened not through some fortuitous, “divine intervention,” but as a result
of our absolute clear-minded desire to learn the truth about who and what we actually
are. And we come to that understanding, of course, by seeing what we are not—through a
process of elimination.
As we see through every thought and story around who we believed we “were,” we
come to the realization that we simply exist here, now, as this aware, conscious human
being known as “us,” as “Jim” or “Tanya.”
“Enlightenment is an accident, spiritual practice makes you accident-prone,” says a
Zen teaching.
Through our commitment to awakening, we open ourselves to the seeing, or
realization of our true nature—to the “floodlight” moment that happened to John in the
previous lesson. He didn’t say it, but I’m sure he would have agreed with me that it was
indeed a moment of Grace.
Being awake and free, in turn, results in a tremendous feeling of gratitude. I
remember Jean Klein saying gratitude was the predominant emotion of someone who
was awake or self-realized.
Speaking personally, I am just grateful to be here, grateful to be alive, to be able to
function in normal daily life in a reasonably healthy way. I am grateful for the love I
share with Tanya and Baylee, my family, and my son Adam.
I am grateful to be able to write and teach, to share the good news of awakening. I am
grateful that I have a roof over my head and can keep food on the table.
When we live in the now, the gift of the present moment is constantly being revealed to
us. We are being literally showered with the fullness and beauty of life unfolding all
around us. And yes, we take wise and loving action if we want to improve our situation or
our circumstances.
Ah, there is so, so much to be grateful for…
So, what are the blessings in our life? Take some time to write them down, the people,
pets, places, and things we are grateful for. Then, when we are done, sit back and reflect
on what we’ve just written.
Feel the fullness in our heart, the fullness that comes whenever we are in gratitude.
Gratitude is very much a heart quality. It opens and expands the heart and brings a smile
to our face as we contemplate those who are most-near and dear to us.
Above all, be grateful for our past—the emotional pain and drama, and all the “stories”
of suffering we told ourselves—because they brought us to this place, right here and right
now.
They brought us to this place where our mind is clear, our heart open, and we are
awake to the freedom, love, and creative joy that are our true nature. This, without doubt,
is the true abundance in life.

When we are free our life is increasingly filled with grace, and feeling of
profound gratitude, which is the true abundance in life....
 212

97. Faith and Trust

Faith is a belief or trust in something—a person, a situation, a thing—that is not

based on evidence or proof. It is to trust that: “This will work out, it is all for the
highest good, even though I cannot see it yet.”
How necessary is faith or trust on the journey of awakening to freedom?
Once, many years before I had my own awakening, during the period when I was
exploring psychedelics as a way of expanding my consciousness, I had eaten a magic
mushroom. I was in a beautiful setting, looking at a rock near the swimming pool in my
backyard in northern California.
As the psilocybin took effect, I noticed the rock was pulsating with energy and then
what seemed to be Sanskrit writings—curlicues and squiggles—suddenly began to
appear it. It was amazing, because my analytical mind did not do it.
As I looked more closely the squiggles started to move and then, after a period of
very intense watching, I could see letters in English beginning to form.
I stayed with it, watching closely, and eventually made out the words, “I am.”
The message came out of the rock—the universal mind bank, I supposed. I was ready to
stop there, quite satisfied with the potency and significance of the words, “I am.”
But then when I told my girlfriend, Barb, who was not tripping, what I had seen,
she, who was much more intuitive than me, urged me to look deeper.
So I looked stayed with it, and then sure enough, the rest of the message eventually
appeared, and remained there for a moment before disappearing forever:
“I am beyond men. New life abounds. Trust.”
Looking back, I realized that discovering that message was probably the single most
“psychic” experience I’d ever had. Also, the message has been a leitmotif for my life, a
guiding principle that is as fresh and true today as it was when I discovered it over thirty
years ago.
Think about it. “I am beyond men.” The Latin root of the word “mind” is mens, so
we get a double meaning here: the truth of “I am,” our Real nature, is beyond men,
beyond the mind with its innumerable beliefs and stories about what is real. But “new
life abounds,” so the new is always coming in to being.
I was originally going to title my book, End Your Story, Begin Your Life “Every
Moment is New,” so struck was I by the power of this realization—that when we’re
awake in the present, every moment, everything, is indeed new.
This was confirmed by favorite quote of mine, from Marcel Proust: “The great
voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in seeing with new eyes.”
And finally, “Trust.” After all, that’s what happens when we see through the
conceptual illusion of the “me,” the ego “I” and awaken to the freedom that is our
always-existing true nature. We trust.
We trust the flow of life, and that everything is unfolding as it should be. We trust
people to do what they do—including trusting people bent on ill-will to do that, unless
they show us differently.
We trust absolutely in the benign intent of the universe, and that everything is
working out as it is meant to be.
Our trust is total and complete, because we feel one with life and the universe, and
our heart is open to everyone and everything. This trust is the true source of love, which
is the real abundance in our lives…

“Love without trust is a river without water.”

Yogi Bhajan
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98. One Moment at a Time

The saying, “one day at a time,” is popular with people in the recovery movement,
those who are seeking healing from their addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex,
food, or whatever.
It serves to remind those with addictive tendencies, people whose learned tendency
is to always be thinking about their next “fix,” to slow down, take a deep breath, and
appreciate what is here, now.
It happens to also be a good mantra for those seeking awakening, or inner freedom.
One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. One moment at a time…
The 13th century Zen master Dogen, was said to have divided each day into more
than 6 billion moments22 to remind himself of the importance of remaining present and
engaged.
After all, this moment now—as it applies to us, having the experience reading these
words—is all there is, at least for us. And, of course, there is what is happening in this
moment—the environment around us, the room we are in, or nature, or maybe we’re
listening to this in our car, or on the bus or train.
But when we think about, it stares right back at, in our face, so to speak…

Whatever “ story” about the present, past or future we have going on inside
our heads, this moment, here and now, is all there actually is. Truly, only
now is real…

22
Obviously Dogen must have estimated this!
 215

99. The Time is Always Now

I was sitting at a crowded bar in a Mexican restaurant in Santa Rosa, California one
evening many years ago, eating fish tacos, sipping a margarita, and watching baseball,
my favorite sport, on the large T.V. behind the bar.
After a while a young woman, who sitting next to me with her companion, turned
and said: “Excuse me sir, but can you tell me the time?”
Something in the woman’s eyes suggested openness, so I replied, with a smile: “The
time is now…”
The young woman’s eyes widened as she gazed back at me. “I know exactly what
you mean,” she said, smiling and nodding.
“And by the clock,” I said, looking at my watch, “it’s ten after eight.”
The more awake and free we are, the more we realize the time is always now. We use
clock and calendar time to honor and remember the past, and to keep an eye on and plan
for the future, but we live right here, in the present.
From the present, this timeless, flowing, and endless moment of now, we consciously
use our mind, the creative power of thought and intention, to act. From here, now, we
make our next move, and the results, when coming out of conscious, wise, loving
action, are mostly always harmonious.
And if they are not, should something go awry, we quickly apologize if our actions
affect others—“Oops!”—and change course or choose a different action, and soon
everything is flowing again.

Freedom, love, and happiness are only ever experienced now—just as the
barriers to them, the “story” we may be lost in, can only ever be seen
through now. So, be here now, and see…
 216

100. When we Forget the Now

We forget the now when we get lost in our head, in our thoughts and stories about
this “me” that we still believe we are, and start taking everything so personally.
When this happens, when we become aware that we are caught up yet again in our
“story” of conflict, woe, and suffering, we have two immediate choices facing us.
We can closely examine the thought or story that is causing us to doubt ourselves—
and especially the “I” thought that we still insist we are. Upon seeing that it isn’t real—
yet we, the seeing, the watching are still very much here—it may cause a shift which
results in our feeling more relaxed, more one with the flow of life in the present.
Or we can simply realize, “Wow, I was really caught up in a story there!” and breathe
and come back to being present now. This realization is the essence of awakening.
Years ago on my own journey, long before I’d awakened, whenever I had a
breakthrough, I found myself coming to the same realization every time. It involved
letting go of some aspect of my past, my story—some pattern in my thinking or behavior
which no longer worked for me.
Suddenly, I’d feel more relaxed, more here. I’d say to myself: “My God, my spiritual
journey is all about getting here. It’s about being present…”
We can probably all relate to this. As we grow up and get caught up in our personal
“story,” the account we inwardly write of our life, of our history of failures and
successes, doubts and fears, hopes and dreams, we tend to start dwelling in this internal
reality.
We are not alone. We all do this until we learn differently. Yet it is the very
attachment to and identification with this inner world of concepts, beliefs, memories, and
images—our “stories”—that keeps us from being present, from being here now…
So long as we take ourselves to be a “somebody”—a “me,” an ego I, with all its
emotional history—we will remain, essentially, stuck in our heads, in our “story,” and
will not taste the true joy in life.

The true joy in life is to be awake, alive, and present here and now—and
then look around and see what needs our loving attention.
 217

101. Timing

While we realize that the more awake and free we are, the time is always now, in the
world of human relationships, the world we live in, there is the matter of timing.
As Adam reminded me once, good actors and comics are masters of the art of timing. It
is this sensitivity to timing—intuitively knowing just the right moment to speak or deliver
the punch-line— that turns good into great. So too do we, on this nondual path to inner
freedom, gradually master this art of good timing.
When is the right time to address a health concern, or make an important financial
decision, or launch a new business venture? More importantly, when is the right time to
tell our spouse, partner, family member, friend, or work associate something important we
need to say to them?
The freer we are of any “story” about the issue or concern we need to relay—and,
especially, the freer we are of the “I” that perhaps still wants to manipulate, connive, and
calculate—the more we will intuitively know the right moment to communicate what
needs to be said.
For example, if we have to tell a family member, friend, or someone else some bad
news, it’s probably best to not do it when they have just woken up or are feeling down or
depressed. Wait for a moment when they are stronger and are more likely to be able to
handle it.
(I learned this the hard way. Adam reminded me about “good actors and comics”
because my timing was often way-off with him!)
And if our timing is off, if it turns out to be the wrong moment—with our partner,
family member, or friend reacting angrily to the news we’ve just given them—then so be
it. Let the chips fall where they may.
It is what it is, in other words, and at least the truth of the situation is now known to all
parties concerned. And perhaps we have learned something; our heart will be even more
open, more sensitive, and our timing will almost certainly be better next time.

Timing is the key to everything. For example, if it hasn’t happened for us

yet, the thing we really want, then it isn’t our time. So, we simply breathe
and come back to this moment now…
 218

102. Live our Understanding

When we have we have had a clear and real taste of the truth that we are not our
mind, not our ego, our “I” and “me” thoughts, or our “story,” then we must—as Jean
Klein always said—live our understanding.
We must live our understanding of what we have finally seen, or understood: that we
have a mind, but we are not our mind.
However, our mind—or, really, our awakened ego—may need to assert or declare: “I
am awake and free now…”
After all, our mind is the voice of the conscious being we are, and this is its final
realization. Or, as spiritual teacher Susanne Marie says, “The mind awakens to itself.”
But after we have made that declaration, we then drop it and focus on being the
awake and free person we are. We begin the life-long process of embodying our
awakening in every cell of our being.
And we embody our awakening through our commitment to being present in this
moment, regardless of what is going. Yes, this moment right now.
(Clinging to an idea about being “awake and free,” which I did for a few years after I
woke up, is yet another “story”—a last-ditch effort by the ego to maintain some shred of
identity. In Zen they call it the “stink of enlightenment.”)
So, the next time conflict and self-doubt arises within us, remember: “Oh, I am not
my story, my perception of whatever seems to be happening… I am always this clear,
watchful awareness that is… That is here, right now…”
Then let that “reminder” to ourselves fall away, and breathe slowly and deeply, and
feel our existence here, now. Feel the energy in our body, the aliveness and fullness of
the present moment, without projecting any new thought or story into the situation.
See everything with new eyes. Open ourselves to the new. Realize that when we have
no “story” about anything, every moment is new. Then, when we feel good and clear,
our mind relatively empty, in touch with our true, universal nature, we can “think” about
what we’d like to see happen.
This is how we live our understanding—one moment at a time…

To live our understanding is to walk our talk—or, in the context of this

book, to embody a clear, wise, and loving presence.
 219

103. True Surrender

The freer we are of an agenda, the personal “story” between our ears, the more we
live in openness. We are just open to life, open to everyone and everything. We are open
to the unknown.
This is true surrender, the surrender of the “self,” the “I” that wants things to be other
than what they are, that reacts with anger or judgment to the situation it finds itself in.
We may have expectations, but we are not ultimately attached to them. We expect our
children to do well at school, for example, and will do everything in our power to make
that happen.
But if it doesn’t happen, so be it. Maybe they have another gift or talent that we
haven’t discovered yet.
So, in our openness, we listen. We listen with our ears, our heart, with the totality of
our being—and not from our agenda, our story. Of course, we may well have an agenda,
a story, but because we’re more awake and free now, we don’t let it interfere with our
perception of what is happening.
We listen to what our children and others are saying to us, we listen to the sounds and
noises around us. There’s no resistance to what we hear, either, because we’re no longer
identified with an “I,” a “me” who doesn’t like certain people, or certain sounds.
Everything is heard, yet it all passes right through us, because there is nothing in us—
no idea, no image, no concept of “self”—we’re holding onto to get in the way, to react.
We are just open. This allows us to respond to any event or situation that calls for a
response in the most intelligent, appropriate, and loving way possible.
Contrast this way of being with people who don’t listen, who are caught up in their
agenda, and always thinking about what “they” want to say. Or maybe they are simply
distracted by their technology devices—their smartphones, for example—and are
walking or sitting with their heads down, talking, texting, checking email, or surfing the
web.
Whatever the distraction or excuse, they are not present. We don’t judge them for
that, because now that we’re more awake and conscious, we don’t live anymore in
judgment of others. We just patiently wait to get their attention, if their attention is
needed. Maybe we have to nudge them a little.
Conversation, story-telling, is an essential part of human interaction, and we have to
be really present, attentive, to participate in a compelling conversation. In fact, as we’re
seeing, we have to be really present to live fully, to be fully alive.
The present moment is the place of power. Everything in life that happens, arises,
takes place in this moment now. The more present we are, the more embodied we are in
the ease, harmony, and flow of our true nature.
“I am open to the unknown…” is a powerful mantra. An openness to everyone and
everything is one of the signs of being awake and free. Then we listen more deeply and
can respond with wisdom and love to what is needed.

True surrender happens when the “stories” we cling to, that provoke such
emotional reactions in us, are seen for what they are—“stories.” Then we
relax into our heart, into being here, now…
 221

104. We Are the Universe

How do we know when we’ve realized freedom?

When we look inside ourselves and we can no longer find a personal sense of
“self”—this “me,” this “I”—anymore, our old, former “self” that suffered, that felt
emotional pain and anguish, and had wild hopes and ambitious longings, we are free.
When we look inside and no longer find a “self” that is dependent on joy and
pleasure—and, of course, disappointment and frustration—from the events and
circumstances in our life, we have come Home to our true nature.
We’re free of that ego “self” now, and free of all issues of “self-worth,” “self-
esteem,” and “self-image.” When we look inside ourselves, we find what we see when
we look outside: the universe, expressing itself in its unique, ever-interesting, and
timelessly creative, harmonious way.
The is where the three awakening teachings lead us to: a deeper and deeper
appreciation of our true nature, here and now.
In fact, we realize, in moments—although we don’t create a new “story” about it—
that we are the universe, looking through our eyes, sensing with our body, and feeling
with our heart.
As a result, we have the universal perspective on life, and the problems and
challenges before us—and that is the most empowering, confidence-inspiring view
possible to have.
When we look out at other people, whoever and wherever they are, we see them
without any “story,” judgment, or assumption. Or maybe a judgment will arise, but we
quickly see it, and it dissolves. Then we just see everyone’s inner beauty and light, and
we relate to them with kindness, love, and appreciation.
Moreover, we see that every other human being on earth can have the same
perspective too, because they also are the universe, if they would but wake up and realize
it.
Then the world would truly be as one, and people would trust each other to be true to
their word. Then there would be even fewer limits on what we, humanity, could create
together.
Oh, we will still definitely enjoy the pleasure of good things happening; that won’t
change. But we will no longer depend on our circumstances to feel good, because once
we have discovered the happiness that shines on its own, we basically feel good, inside,
all the time.
At the very least, we accept and flow with whatever we’re experiencing in the
moment—and yes, we can always use the power of intention, of our mind, to shift or
change that experience if it’s unwanted or problematic.
When we feel good inside virtually all the time—at peace, happy, our sense of humor
very alive and active, grateful for everything—we tend to attract good things into our
life.
Health, family, relationships, work, finances, and creative endeavors all tend to be
much more favorable when we live in integrity, in a happy, playful, and flowing
harmony with all that is.

To have the universal perspective on everything—to see with its eyes, sense
with its body, and feel with its heart—is the ultimate freedom, the essence
of “self” realization.
 223

105. The Proof that We’re Free

As we awaken to the freedom and happiness that are our true nature, an undeniable
truth becomes clearer and clearer: we, as the consciousness that we most fundamentally
are, are part of an indivisible whole.
We are all, in our essence, the same. This is the unifying spiritual truth underlying all
the great religions. We are one. It is like the ocean and the wave analogy.
In the depths of our being, we are all part of the one ocean of consciousness, yet in our
individuality, our uniqueness, we are like the waves, appearing separate and different, yet
still a part of, an expression of, the one ocean that we are.
In fact, in the truest sense, when we awaken to the consciousness that we are, we
realize our oneness, our interconnection with all life, and with all living things. Even the
tiniest bug or beetle is an expression, in bug or beetle form, of the same consciousness that
is in us.
This realization of oneness, of the nondual truth of existence, leads to a greater
sensitivity to all of life, and to everything in our environment. It is the ground of
unconditional love. The freer we are, the less we are identified with the personal “self” or
ego, and the fewer conditions we place on our love.
We realize that love, as the flowering and expression of the human heart, is an inherent
part of our true nature. We enjoy sharing our wisdom and love with people, animals, all of
nature and we share it generously, with kindness, patience, and gratitude.
And the proof that we are free will show in our gaze, the light and openness in our
eyes when we look at another human being, or a bird or animal.
Our gaze will be warm and welcoming, fearless and non-judgmental, kind and
inviting. People will trust it and will feel safe with it. They won’t feel threatened in the
least.
People who are not awake to their true nature tend to hide behind their “story,” their
self-image, their judgment of themselves, their fear around connecting intimately with
another. They may shy away from eye contact, from being seen. Of, if they are more
aggressive, they may try and stare us down.
That’s okay. The freer we are, the less fear there will be in us. If they seem reachable,
we will gaze at them with compassion and openness.
Our look will say to them: “Hey, I see you, I see you as the beautiful, loving
expression of divine creation that you are… The same expression that I am… We truly
are, in our essence, one…”
 It is a look that is totally comfortable with silence, with absolutely nothing happening,
because it knows that something actually is, always, happening—life, in all its creative
and dynamic fullness, and life in the energy and spirit of the person looking back at us.
It is a look that is established in pure universal awareness, consciousness, or beingness,
knows itself as that, and sees only the light of consciousness and love wherever it looks.
It is a look, a gaze that is soft, inviting, healing, and ever-renewing…

Making warm, welcoming eye contact with others is the ultimate spiritual
practice—and the proof of how awake and free we are.
 225

106. A Reverence for Life

What is it about awakening to our true nature—to our innate love and wisdom—that
is so liberating? We truly do become psychologically and emotionally fearless because
we have nothing to hide any longer.
We are an open book, and we radiate a goodwill toward everyone and everything
that is unconditional.
(And, yes, there are some things that will always be private in nature, and not to be
shared. However, the proof of our freedom is that if we are confronted with something
previously hidden, we will cop to it—or at least not deny it.)
In this state of awakening—and again, it’s not a “state” so much as the ground of
being, in which all “states” come and go, arise and fall away—we feel our connection to
the Whole of creation. We feel, especially, our interconnection or oneness with
humanity at large.
Every single human being, we realize, is a reflection of us in our essence. When we
strip away all the beliefs and stories that divide us, we truly are one. Collectively, we are
the ocean, manifesting in these marvelously creative and diverse wave-forms called
“humanity.”
Increasingly, we bring our loving presence—or what Albert Schweitzer called a
“reverence for life”—to every moment, every encounter. Everything we do, all our
actions, increasingly become a blessing to the people in our world.
Moreover, other people feel seen when we relate to them with love and caring. This
is the true meaning of intimacy—into me see.
Over time, this love only grows deeper and stronger, and its energy brighter, more
powerful. Like the inner peace we experience when we’re awake and free, we discover
the love that shines on its own.
We don’t have to go looking for it, and we don’t have to “try” to love ourselves, for
love, we realize, is within us. When we are truly relaxed, feeling one with the natural
ease, harmony, and flow of life, we discover again and again that love is, indeed, our
very nature.
And love always finds us, wherever we are, in almost all our interactions—a look, a
touch, a smile, a tender gesture, a kind word exchanged, a generosity given or received.

The adage that like attracts like is no truer than when it applies to love.
 226

107. Sharing the Message with Others

As we become freer and more present, it becomes increasingly clear how others, not
yet awake to the truth, are caught up in identifying with, “believing” in the stories
between their ears, above all the story of “I” and “me.” And that this is the cause of all
their angst and suffering, their basic mistrust of life.
They have not yet realized that a thought is just a thought, a story is just a story, but
reality is what is happening right here, right now—the relative reality of feeling,
sensation, the air we are breathing, the situation we find ourselves in. The reality, in
other words, of this very moment.
Yet if each of us was awake to our true nature and lived with wisdom and love in just
our own neighborhoods, that would be enough to change the world.
So, when we interact with another person—and, when it’s appropriate to do so—look
deeply and silently into their eyes, with warmth and kindness, as they tell their story. Of
course, if it is a particularly compelling or juicy story, we may even get a little caught up
in it.
That’s okay. It is a perfectly normal, human thing to do. Everybody loves a good
story. But we have seen the truth now, and we know that in the end, no matter how
interesting, true, compelling, or entertaining it is, a story is just a story. The more awake
and free we are, the less seduced we will be by somebody else’s story.
In the silence with which we listen to them, there is a transmission of energy that
occurs—a transmission of the peace within us, free of judgment and threat. Our silent,
gentle gaze is warm, open, inviting, and welcoming.
If someone is telling us their tale of suffering and it is obvious they are caught up in
their “story” about it, we have learned by now the wisdom of not just blurting out: “Well,
that’s just your story about it.”
Instead, we take a more skillful approach, saying something like: “Well, have you
looked inwardly at how you might be creating stress and suffering around this situation?”
When they come back at us with, “But how am I creating it? I mean, my situation just
sucks!” we might respond with, “The situation is just what it is... it's your perception of
the situation, the story you tell yourself about it, that’s causing you to suffer...”
When they say, “What do you mean?” we can then lead them into an examination of
how their thoughts and stories—and this “I,” the story-teller they take themselves to be—
creates their emotional reality. We can introduce them to the teachings in this book.
Maybe they will begin to finally realize, or glimpse, that they are never their story
about what is happening, but rather this beautiful, aware person who is right here, now.
 Experiment with bringing others into the present moment where they can
see everything with new eyes, and not get lost in “stories” about the past or
future, or gossip about other people. Then we will have a truly authentic
and beautiful connection…
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108. Love will Guide Us

The more awake and free we are, the more our heart opens, and love, we realize, is
our true nature.
It is humanity’s true nature, and the more inner freedom we experience, the more we
interact with each other in ways that are attentive, kind, patient, and compassionate—in
a word, loving.
I heard this story from a woman I knew. We were gathered after the funeral of a
much-loved friend, Gil Younger, who had touched us all with his love, wisdom, and
financial generosity.23
The lady I knew was telling us about a friend of hers, a mother of three grown
daughters, who had also passed away.
At her funeral, one of the daughters was saying, with some pride, that she had been
her mother’s favorite. Then the second daughter, surprised by this, jumped in and said
that she thought she had been the favorite—and then the third daughter, even more
surprised, said the same thing!
Then they all fell silent, and just looked at each other with amazement—and a sense
of appreciation that grew deeper by the moment. They had just realized the power of her
mother’s love. She had loved them so completely, so deeply, that she had made each of
them feel that she was her favorite daughter.
This is the power of unconditional love, a love that knows no bounds, that is not
limited by any “story” about one daughter being favored over another. Increasingly, as
we awaken more fully, this love will guide us in our lives.
And, while we will be free of our own “story,” we will use the power of story, of
thought and intention—this incredible gift we humans have been blessed with—in ways
that serve everybody.
We will become, as has been emphasized throughout this book, a much better story-
teller. Our stories will be positive, inspirational, and healing in the truest sense of the
word, meaning our stories will unite people—rather than divide them—and contribute to
the wholeness of everything.

23
It was Gil who introduced me to the idea of “caring presence,” which I call “loving presence” in this book. He
emphasized how important it was to extend it to everyone we met. “Caring presence is both the magic and the
goal,” he said. “The universe is waiting for us to show up, so be there.”
 Knowing ourselves as the unchanging Reality behind all that is, we will dance with
the ever-changing relative reality of our life. We will flow with our own energy shifts
and changes, the emotional ups and downs of others, and the events, circumstances, and
situations we find ourselves in.
Above all, we will realize with increasing depth and clarity that it is all happening
here, now, in the present.
This is the most amazing, mind-blowing revelation of all—that when we see and
experience what is without a “story,” everything, in this moment now, is stunningly
alive!

As our heart opens to the power of love, we are guided every step of the
way. When we have no “story” about it, life unfolds as the beautiful
experience it is...
 230

DOING THE PRACTICE

Living our True Purpose

Once we are free, our heart opens to life, and to every living thing, and thus we fulfill
the true meaning and purpose of being human, which has been espoused by all the great
sages, saints, and wise leaders in history.
We live with compassion, love, and a desire to serve the well-being of everyone—and
including those who are lost, poor, hungry, misguided, or in genuine need of our help.
As I have said all along, we get to choose the way in which we serve—except when the
need is staring us in the face. Then there is no choice.
And if ever we need a reminder of what we’re here for, our purpose, we have it in the
message that is at the heart of this book—that we are not any thought or “story,” or feeling
or emotion, and especially not this “me” thought, the ego “I.” This has to be seen over and
over again until it becomes our truth.
Rather, we are the ever-present, luminous awareness in which the “me” and everything
else in our mind comes and goes.
And there is always the liberation mantra to remind us, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets
triggered?” as well as the mirror meditation.
So, we breathe, relax, and come back to alert presence in this very moment. In this
place of being here, now—looking into the mirror, if necessary—with no ego thought, no
“I” or “me” or other “story” or belief filtering our awareness, everything can be seen anew.
Then we can ask the question if we need to:
“What’s the next step in fulfilling my purpose?” or “What action is needed right now?”
Then we take that step, with our mind clear, our heart wide open, and our resolve
firm…
 231

The Third Relationship Practice—Connecting with our World

Just reach out and connect with as many people as we can, realizing that: “I am the
universe, and my heart is big enough to embrace the whole world.”
We don’t have to worry about making eye-contact with them. Just our warm, friendly,
and open manner will be enough to let them know they can trust our good intentions. Then
the eye-contact will happen naturally—a few seconds, a minute, or longer, depending on
the nature of the connection.
Then we will feel really seen by each other. This is without doubt the most satisfying
connection to be had. It is beyond words. It is a true heart connection, which includes the
mind and everything else.
This is the depth of connection required for humanity’s healing. It is a true love
revolution, a heart revolution.
After all, it takes all of us throughout the world, from East to West, from North to
South, to heal our planet. We need to see each other as being part of one vast, global
family...

“If people were to look into each other’s eyes there would be no more
wars.”

Alberto Girardi, speaking to his then-teenaged son, Gian Paolo Girardi.

 232

Appendix: The 21-Day Awakening Challenge

The first and most important commitment we must make if we want to awaken to the
beautiful people we are is, as I’ve said throughout this book, to be fully present in each
moment of our lives.
This means to genuinely show up for whatever is happening in this moment. If we do
this, make being present our number one commitment, then awakening to the truth of who
and what we are is all but inevitable.
To review, the first teaching is the simple practice. We breathe and remember to come
back to the present whenever we notice ourselves getting caught up in or distracted by a
thought or “story,” or are having and emotional reaction to someone or something.
Gazing into a mirror, we remind ourselves of the liberation mantra: “Who is this ‘me’
that gets triggered?”
We can say the mantra out aloud, or just think it. And, as I said at the beginning of the
book, it’s a good idea to write it down as a reminder. We can write it on a post-it note and
stick it on our computer, bathroom mirror, or somewhere else that we can see it.
Then we look inwardly and see the truth for ourselves. And the truth is that everything
in our experience—thoughts, beliefs, “stories,” the voice of the ego “I” or “me” that gets
triggered, as well as feelings and emotions--comes and goes, shifts and changes. However,
we as the clear, open-hearted awareness we are, are always here, always present.
I invite us to undertake the 21-day awakening challenge We can start any time, and the
following simple instructions explain how to do it.
Take 15 - 20 minutes in the morning or evening (or both) to meditate in a quiet place,
sitting on a favorite chair or cushion. Have a mirror at hand so we can gaze into it when
our eyes are open.
If we can only afford to spend 5 or 10 minutes, that is perfectly okay. However, the
more time we spend being aware of the truth that everything comes and goes and being
present in this moment—as in this meditation—the sooner we awaken.
Once we are sitting comfortably, close our eyes and say the mantra to ourselves if
necessary, then simply be present without any “story,” any thought in our mind. As we
become more familiar with the experience of being truly present, a simple remembering,
or noticing—“Uh oh, I’m getting caught up in a ‘story’ here…”—will be enough.
We breathe deeply and feel our feet connected to the ground, so that we are rooted in
the present moment. Or, if we are sitting on a cushion with our legs crossed, feel the
cushion underneath us, breathe, and be supremely present.
 Pay attention to the sounds that we hear, the sound of our breathing, of birds singing,
of traffic, people talking outside, the wind and the elements, and then notice how they
come and go too, yet we—the awareness—are again always here.
Finally, notice what we are feeling and sensing in our bodies, any aches, pains, or
tension that may be there. Notice how feelings and sensations come and go too, shift and
change, yet we, the constant, unchanging awareness are always here.
While we are meditating, we learn to identify the limiting “story” we may be telling
ourselves around our current situation—the “story” which maybe has resulted in our being
emotionally triggered, such that we have a negative reaction to a person or event.
This is the second teaching, love our triggers, and is designed to specifically address,
at an emotional level, this ego “I” we still take ourselves to be. We need to soften around
our own pain, to be more welcoming, loving, and compassionate.
Examples of such stories are: “I’ll never get it right,” “I feel so misunderstood,” “I
can’t trust anyone,” or “I feel so lonely, confused, depressed…”
So, we ask ourselves, “What’s the story I’m telling myself here?” As we learn to
welcome the answer, we see how that “story,” along with the negative emotion it creates,
comes and goes too—and yet we, as the awareness, are always here. The more we see this
and allow ourselves to breathe and physically relax into the seeing, the more compassion
we have for the wounded, younger “self” in us that got triggered.
We can even imagine taking that younger “self” into our arms and loving him or her,
and gently telling ourselves how the traumatic event, whatever it was, was real when it
happened, but is not real now. Only this moment right here, right now, is real now.
The more we appreciate this truth, the more the sense of being a wounded, reactive “I”
dissolves, along with the hurt feelings, and we feel the deeper peace, stillness, and
presence of our true nature. This self-compassion practice not only opens our heart to our
own suffering, but to the suffering of others.
As we remind ourselves of the liberation mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets
triggered?” something becomes increasingly obvious.
We realize that any conceptual answer to who or what we are when we ask the
question, “Who am I?” or “Who is this ‘me’ I take myself to be?” is another
identification—another “story,” along with the feelings and emotions evoked, that comes
and goes. As a result, we are left with the silent, intuitive knowing that our true nature is
pure awareness, beingness, or presence itself. \
This is the big realization. It clears our mind and opens our heart even further, which
leads to an even deeper appreciation of the third teaching, this moment now. This is where
we familiarize ourselves with looking out at our world—or into the mirror in this case—
without any “story,” but rather open, clear, and loving eyes.
 In this seeing without any story, our true, individual purpose becomes clearer. What are
the issues that we care about? What are we passionate about? What do we have a gift for
that we want to focus our energies on? How do we want to love and serve the greater
good?
If we find ourselves getting lost in thought again, or day-dreaming, we can always
come back to the mantra, “Who is this ‘me’ that gets triggered?”
Then breathe, sit upright, feel the aliveness in our body, notice everything in our
immediate environment. Then watch how our thoughts—even the “I” or “me” thought, the
ego “self” we most personally identify with, and that gets triggered—as well as our
feelings and emotions, come and go in the pure presence we are.
The goal of this 21-day awakening challenge is to ground ourselves more deeply in the
experience of knowing ourselves as the unchanging awareness that is always here, amidst
the ever-changing thoughts and “stories,” feelings and emotions, events and circumstances
in our lives.
It takes most people at least 21 days to learn a new habit, and we will thank ourselves
for learning this new habit of being awake, aware, and present amidst the ever-changing,
sometimes chaotic or stressful, circumstances of life.
One of the signs of awakening is that we begin to have, whether our eyes are open or
closed, a more frequent experience of ourselves as the universe, expressing through these
bodies, minds, and personalities known as “us.” As the universe, we feel both an
extraordinary sense of freedom and openness, and a sense of caring, of loving, heartfelt
connection to everyone and everything.
This may not happen a lot for us during the 21-day challenge, though we may get
glimpses, but don’t worry—just by undertaking the challenge, we will be more in
alignment with the teachings in this book, and well on our way to awakening.
Once the 21-day challenge has concluded, we may start it all over again. After all, on
this path of awakening we learn that every moment is new, and that there is only ever here
now, so nothing gets old or boring. Some of us may really enjoy this regular, daily practice
of sitting meditation, and others may find themselves too busy.
Or, we can spend less time in formal meditation, and just use the simple practice as our
ongoing, waking meditation whenever we notice ourselves getting caught up in or
distracted by a thought or story, or find ourselves suffering in some way.
As we awaken to the truth that we are the changeless awareness behind everything, our
awakening will be lived and integrated into the “real” world of family, relationships, work,
money, creativity, health, and social engagement.
And because we are now more awake, we’ll see the deeper beauty in every person we
encounter—underneath their ego dramas and “stories”—and in this way our world, the
world we personally move in, will be healed.
And as our world is healed, others who are now more awake through being touched
and inspired by us will influence people in their world. And thus, the awakening spreads
out, until it—and the unconditional love it emanates—eventually encompasses the whole
world…
 236

A Closing Message

If you feel more truly present and awake, and your heart is more open now because
of reading this book, I invite you to share its message with others.
This may include your personal friends, as well as through social networks like
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google Hangouts, and Meetup groups.
At the same time, my mission is to spread this vital message of awakening to the love
we are with the world through online webinars and other platforms, and at in-person
events. And second, it is to train those who deeply resonate with my approach to become
teachers of this work.
Those individuals will then be certified to teach or guide others in working with the
three teachings of the simple practice and the power of the liberation mantra,” Who is
this ‘me’ that gets triggered?” love our triggers, and this moment now as a way of
facilitating true emotional freedom, awakening, itself.
They may do this work through public talks or presentations, workshops, and private
sessions, both online and in-person, or simply through sharing the message of freedom
with those they meet.
They may charge a fee for their work, accept donations, or share it for free—or any
combination of these.
And the good news is that we don’t have to be fully awake ourselves to become a
teacher or guide. We just have a sense of passion for the work, to be honest about where
we are on the path of freedom—e.g. “I still sometimes get caught up in this or that
story”—and then reach out to others who are less free than us. We teach what we need to
learn, in other words.
As I said at the beginning of the book, I very much embrace my humanity, and use the
mantra “this moment now” whenever I need a reminder. As our awakening deepens with
the training program, it is inevitable that we will embody even more peace, love, and
freedom, and a greater confidence and trust in life.
I invite those who are interested in this project to contact me through my website,
www.jimdreaver.com.
 237

Acknowledgments

First off, I want to acknowledge and thank my friend and fellow “student” of Jean
Klein, Richard Miller, who reminded me many, many ago that awakening is only ever
experienced here, now.
Then I want to thank Eckhart Tolle for his masterful way of presenting the truth. I
had already been awake and free for some years before I read his book The Power of
Now. As I dove into its pages, I was waiting to read something about Jean Klein, so sure
was I that he had been an influence on him.
But there was nothing. The book came out of his own unique awakening experience.
His description of the ego “self” we get so identified with, how it lives in psychological
time, the “past” and the “future,” and that there is in fact only now, has contributed much
to my own deeper embodiment of presence.
Next, I want to express my gratitude to Michael Jeffreys, who gave me a platform at
his Eckhart Tolle Meetups soon after I arrived in Los Angles in 2009, at the old Border’s
Bookstore that used to be near UCLA.
Michael, you used to be a professional magician, and now you work magic through
your words and presence. I appreciate the flow and learning I’ve experienced in our
dharma and joint teaching sessions. You were the person I first heard speak of a
“spiritual practice for busy people,” and I want to thank you for that.
Many thanks to the following for hosting my gatherings: Joyce and Ken Dvoren (also
for hosting Michael Jeffreys and me), Marlene Star Meissner, Marigrace Lonergan and
Sam Gleason, Robin Davidson and Linda Ulvaeus, and the late Je Goolsby, who gave
me the phrase, “the rise of civilization.”
Also, to Samuel and Pauline Kiwasz for both hosting and announcing my events on
the Sacred Friends list, and to Roy Gibbon for making his list available to me.
And to Rev. Maryum Morse and the Center of the Heart for hosting my workshops,
including—especially!—the one where I first met Tanya. And to my long-time friends
and dharma-brothers/sisters Richard Murphy, Karl Anderson and Satri Pencak, Sheldon
Murphy and Grace Murphy, my god-daughter, and Richard Koobatian.
Many thanks too to Celeste Racicot for her love and support, and to Krishna, whom I
met at a Jean Klein workshop at Mount Madonna Center in the Santa Cruz mountains,
and who has been a trusted friend, confidant, and fellow dharma-teacher ever since.
Also, thanks to Matt Kahn, author of Whatever Arises, Love That and Everything is
Here to Help You, for his inspiring message.
Thanks, too, to my fellow nondual teacher Gian Paolo Girardi for his friendship,
love, and support, and to Howard Ubinas who, during a private session one day, helped
me see the importance of the liberation mantra as a simple yet revolutionary tool for
awakening.
Gratitude to my brother, Alan, and his lovely wife Ruth, who live in Western
Australia, for their generous hearts. Blessed with 4 adult children of their own, I
appreciate the way he keeps his family together, including weekly Skype between us.
Thanks also to my friend and housemate for almost 2 years, Joseph P Mulvihill, III
fellow former chiropractor and bon vivant, who insisted I stick with the book’s title. And
to Alex Spacek for his loyal friendship, commitment to living the truth, and the quiet
ease with which he increasingly embodies his awakening.
I want to acknowledge, as well, the memory of the late Larry Elsener, a long-time
friend to whom I dedicated my book The Way of Harmony with these words: “Friend,
teacher of balance, prince among men.”
I thought at the time that the balance I was learning from Larry, who was very secure
and well-established financially, was between the spiritual and the material. But by the
time I attended Larry’s memorial service several months after his death, I was seeing the
term “balance” in a new light.
The true balance point has nothing to do with what we may have “spiritually” or
“materially,” but rather lies in how genuine and open-hearted our presence is in this
moment right now.
This leads me, finally, to offer special thanks to my long-time friend and fellow
teacher, Howard Love. Through his fearless, loving gaze, he inspired me to realize what
this book—and my life—is truly about:
Liberating our true power of healing and transformation so that people everywhere,
and ultimately our whole human family, can connect with each other in a creative,
harmonious, and loving way.
 239

About Jim Dreaver

Jim Dreaver, a native of New Zealand, now living in Santa Barbara, California, is a
Vietnam veteran and former chiropractor.
As a young boy he always wondered why people, starting with his own family,
couldn’t get along, and eventually discovered that the true source of healing lay in
finding inner freedom. He began his own search for that freedom in the mid-Seventies
with the teachings of yoga, Zen, and J. Krishnamurti.
He then met European Advaita Vedanta (the nondual or direct path) master Jean
Klein in 1984, who guided him to seeing the truth.
He has taught his work at Esalen Institute, in Los Angeles, the San Francisco Bay
Area, as well as Boulder, Colorado, and New Zealand and Australia.
He is the author of five other non-fiction books—End Your Story, Begin Your Life,
The Way of Harmony, and The Ultimate Cure—and three novels, Alice’s Awakening,
Falling into Light, and The Unexpected Goddess.
He has also authored, when he was a chiropractor, Somatic Technique: A
Simplified Method of Releasing Chronically Tight Muscles
(www.somatictechnique.com)
His website is www.jimdreaver.com, where you can read about his event and
teaching schedule, and private session offerings.