The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck 6/11/15, 1:50 PM

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Author. Think er.

n mLiyfelEifnet,huIshiaasvt.e given a fuck about many

I people and many things. I have also not given a fuck

about many people and many things. And those fucks
I have not given have made all the difference.

People often say the key to confidence and success in life is to simply “not
give a fuck.” Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people
we know in terms of their lack of fucks given. Like “Oh, look at Susie working
weekends again, she doesn’t give a fuck.” Or “Did you hear that Tom called the
company president an asshole and still got a raise anyway? Holy shit, that
dude does not give a fuck.” Or “Jason got up and ended his date with Cindy
after 20 minutes.
He said he wasn’t going to listen to her bullshit anymore. Man, that guy does
not give a fuck.”

Chances are you know somebody in your life who, at one time or another, did
not give a fuck and went on to accomplish amazing feats. Perhaps there was a
time in your life where you simply did not give a fuck and excelled to some
extraordinary heights. I know for myself, quitting my day job in finance after
only six weeks and telling my boss that I was going to start selling dating
advice online ranks pretty high up there in my own “didn’t give a fuck” hall of
fame. Same with deciding to sell most of my possessions and move to South
America. Fucks given? None. Just went and did it.

http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck/#.rd8cmz:mWmx
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Now, while not giving a fuck may seem simple on the surface, it’s a whole new
bag of burritos under the hood. I don’t even know what that sentence means,
but I don’t give a fuck. A bag of burritos sounds awesome, so let’s just go with
it.

The point is, most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many
fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given. We give a fuck
about the rude
gas station attendant who gave us too many nickels. We give a fuck when a
show we liked was canceled on TV. We give a fuck when our coworkers don’t
bother asking us about our awesome weekend. We give a fuck when it’s
raining and we were supposed to go jogging in the morning.
Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about like seeds in mother-fucking spring
time. And for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts?
A pat on the fucking back maybe?

This is the problem, my friend.

Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck
about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to
feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.

Indeed, the ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of
situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier. Failure would be less
terrifying.
Rejection less painful. Unpleasant necessities more pleasant and the unsavory
shit sandwiches a little bit more savory. I mean, if we could only give a few less
fucks, or a few more consciously-directed fucks, then life would feel pretty
fucking easy.

What we don’t realize is that there is a fine art of non-fuck-giving. People

aren’t just born not giving a fuck. In fact, we’re born giving way too many
fucks. Ever watch a kid cry his eyes out because his hat is the wrong shade
of blue? Exactly. Fuck that kid.

Developing the ability to control and manage the fucks you give is the essence
of strength and integrity. We must craft and hone our lack of fuckery over the
course of years and decades. Like a fine wine, our fucks must age into a fine
vintage, only uncorked and given on the most special fucking occasions.

This may sound easy. But it is not. Most of us, most of the time, get sucked in
by life’s mean trivialities, steamrolled by its unimportant dramas; we live and
die by the sidenotes and distractions and vicissitudes that suck the fucks out
of us like

Sasha Grey in the middle of a gangbang.

This is no way to live, man. So stop fucking around. Get your fucks together.
And here, allow me to fucking show you.
SUBTLETY #1: NOT GIVING A FUCK
DOES NOT MEAN BEING
INDIFFERENT; IT MEANS
BEING COMFORTABLE WITH
BEING DIFFERENT
When most people envision giving no fucks whatsoever, they envision a
kind of perfect and serene indifference to everything, a calm that weathers
all storms.

This is misguided. There’s absolutely nothing admirable or confident about

indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and scared. They’re couch
potatoes and internet trolls. In fact, indifferent people often attempt to be
indifferent because in reality they actually give too many fucks. They are
afraid of the world and the repercussions of their own choices. Therefore, they
make none. They hide in a grey emotionless pit of their own making, self-
absorbed and self- pitied, perpetually distracting themselves from this
unfortunate thing demanding their time and energy called life.

My mother was recently screwed out of a large chunk of money by a close friend

of hers. Had I been indifferent, I would have shrugged my shoulders, sipped

some mocha and downloaded another season of The Wire . Sorry mom.

But instead, I was indignant. I was pissed off. I said, “No, screw that mom,
we’re going to lawyer the fuck up and go after this asshole. Why? Because I
don’t give a fuck. I will ruin this guy’s life if I have to.”

This illustrates the first subtlety about not giving a fuck. When we say, “Damn,
watch out, Mark Manson just don’t give a fuck,” we don’t mean that Mark
Manson doesn’t care about anything; on the contrary, what we mean is that
Mark Manson doesn’t care about adversity in the face of his goals, he doesn’t
care about pissing some people off to do what he feels is right or important or
noble. What we mean is that Mark Manson is the type of guy who would write
about himself in third person and use the word ‘fuck’ in an article 127 different
times just because he thought it was the right thing to do. He just doesn’t give a
fuck.

This is what is so admirable — no, not me, dumbass — the overcoming

adversity stuff. The staring failure in the face and shoving your middle finger
back at it. The people who don’t give a fuck about adversity or failure or
embarrassing themselves or shitting the bed a few times. The people who just
laugh and then do it anyway. Because they know it’s right. They know it’s more
important than
“Fuck it,” not to everything in life, but rather they say “Fuck it” to everything
unimportant in life . They reserve their fucks for what truly fucking matters.
Friends. Family. Purpose. Burritos. And an occasional lawsuit or two.
And because of that, because they reserve their fucks for only the big
things, the important things, people give a fuck about them in return.

SUBTLETY #2: TO NOT GIVE A

FUCK ABOUT ADVERSITY, YOU
MUST FIRST GIVE A FUCK ABOUT
SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT
THAN ADVERSITY
Eric Hoffer once wrote: “A man is likely to mind his own business when it is
worth minding. When it is not, he takes his mind off his own meaningless
affairs by minding other people’s business.”

The problem with people who hand out fucks like ice cream at a goddamn
summer camp is that they don’t have anything more fuckworthy to dedicate
their
fucks to.

Think for a second. You’re at a grocery store. And there’s an elderly lady
screaming at the cashier, berating him for not accepting her 30-cent coupon.
Why
does this lady give a fuck? It’s just 30 cents.

Well, I’ll tell you why. That old lady probably doesn’t have anything better to
do with her days than to sit at home cutting out coupons all morning. She’s old
and lonely. Her kids are dickheads and never visit. She hasn’t had sex in over
30 years. Her pension is on its last legs and she’s probably going to die in a
diaper thinking she’s in Candyland. She can’t fart without extreme lower back
pain. She can’t even watch TV for more than 15 minutes without falling asleep
or forgetting the main plotline.

So she snips coupons. That’s all she’s got. It’s her and her damn coupons. All
day, every day. It’s all she can give a fuck about because there is nothing else
to give a fuck about. And so when that pimply-faced 17-year-old cashier
refuses to accept one of them, when he defends his cash register’s purity the
way knights used to defend maidens’ virginities, you can damn well bet
granny is going to erupt and verbally hulk smash his fucking face in. Eighty
years of fucks will rain down all at once, like a fiery hailstorm of “Back in my
day” and “People used to show more respect” stories, boring the world
around her to tears in her creaking and wobbly voice.

If you find yourself consistently giving too many fucks about trivial shit
that bothers you — your ex-girlfriend’s new Facebook picture, how quickly
the batteries die in the TV remote, missing out on yet another 2-for-1 sale
on hand sanitizer — chances are you don’t have much going on in your life
to give a legitimate fuck about. And that’s your real problem. Not the hand
sanitizer.

Way too many fucks given.

In life, our fucks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as
not giving a fuck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our
fucks. You only get a limited number of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you
must spend
them with care. As my father used to say, “Fucks don’t grow on trees, Mark.”
OK, he never actually said that. But fuck it, pretend like he did. The point is
that fucks have to be earned and then invested wisely. Fucks are cultivated
like a beautiful fucking garden, where if you fuck shit up and the fucks get
fucked, then you’ve fucking fucked your fucks all the fuck up.

SUBTLETY #3: WE ALL HAVE A

LIMITED NUMBER OF FUCKS TO
GIVE; PAY ATTENTION TO
WHERE
AND WHO YOU GIVE THEM TO
When we’re young, we have tons of energy. Everything is new and exciting.
And everything seems to matter so much. Therefore, we give tons of fucks.
We give a fuck about everything and everyone — about what people are
saying about us, about whether that cute boy/girl called us back or not, about
whether our socks match or not or what color our birthday balloon is.

As we get older, we gain experience and begin to notice that most of these
things have little lasting impact on our lives. Those people’s opinions we cared
about so much before have long been removed from our lives. We’ve found the
love we need and so those embarrassing romantic rejections cease to mean
much anymore. We realize how little people pay attention to the superficial
details about us and we focus on doing things more for ourselves rather than
for others.

Essentially, we become more selective about the

fucks we’re willing to give. This is something Then, as we grow older and enter middle age,
called ‘maturity.’ It’s nice, you should try it
sometime.
Maturity is what happens when one learns to
only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.
As Bunk Moreland said in The Wire (which, fuck
you, I still downloaded it) to his partner
Detective McNulty: “That’s what you get for
giving a fuck when it wasn’t your turn to give a
fuck.”
 Bunk Moreland, not giving a fuck since
2002.

something else begins to change. Our energy levels drop. Our identities
solidify. We know who we are and we no longer have a desire to change
what now seems inevitable in our lives.
And in a strange way, this is liberating. We no longer need to give a fuck about
everything. Life is just what it is. We accept it, warts and all. We realize that
we’re never going to cure cancer or go to the moon or feel Jennifer Aniston’s
tits. And that’s OK. Life fucking goes on. We now reserve our ever-dwindling
fucks only for the most truly fuckworthy parts of our lives: our families, our
best friends, our golf swing. And to our astonishment, this is enough . This
simplification actually makes us really fucking happy.

Then somehow, one day, much later, we wake up and we’re old. And along
with our gum lines and our sex drive, our ability to give a fuck has receded to
the point of non-existence. In the twilight of our days, we carry out a
paradoxical existence where we no longer have the energy to give a fuck
about the big things in life, and

instead we must dedicate the few fucks we have left to the simple and
mundane yet increasingly difficult aspects of our lives: where to eat lunch,
doctors appointments for our creaky joints, 30-cent discounts at the
supermarket, and driving without drifting to sleep and killing a parking lot
full of orphans. You know, practical concerns.

Then one day, on our deathbed, (hopefully) surrounded by the people we gave
the majority of our fucks to throughout our life, and those few who still give a
fuck about us, with a silent gasp we will gently let our last fuck go. Through the
tears and the gently fading beeps of the heart monitor and the ever-dimming
fluorescence encapsulating us in its divine hospital halo, we drift into some
unknowable and unfuckable place.
Cover image credit: ifindkarma, Kitten owned by Audun Rønningen from Norway.

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put together a 21-page article explaining how we can come to know
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