PART FOUR LETTERS

LETTER NO: 4:1

From: Jagatpur Ashram; Wednesday, 30th June, 1915

We find that knowledge remains stable when it is imagination-free, but

becomes unstable the moment imaginings encroach this state. Kalpanas
being the basis of sense-based body, when anything comes into contact with
the five senses, the form of knowledge changes, and becomes inevitable for
the knowledge of knowledge to have shortcomings; this is why, the craving to
understand arises.

In the state of complete knowledge, understanding or knowledge, by itself, is

the subject of understanding or knowledge, but when there’s any craving to
understand, there arises kalpana, and then understands nothing but kalpana.
Incomplete knowledge (when not in the state of true Self) has a feeling of
certain ‘deficiency’ in knowledge, but knowledge, in the state of incomplete
knowledge, is unaware that ‘knowledge’ itself has become the
knowable-object of knowledge.

Kalpanas are incapable to fulfil the craving to understand; rather they cause
such a craving to increase, because nothing but kalpana causes shortcomings
in knowledge. In the state of kalpana, understanding can desire only what it
understands; therefore, nothing but kalpana-borne objects are its desired
objects.

You may object, ‘Understanding also understands death, poison and fire, but
why does none desire these’? This reason thereof is that though
understanding understands the ‘likes’ as well as ‘dislikes’, yet craves only
what it’ likes’ and not those ‘dislikes’, and the influence of kalpana makes one
understand only what their understanding takes as ‘correct’.

The essence of understanding is to satisfy ‘wants’ or ‘desires’, but the craving

to satisfy wants or desires arises only when there’s deficiency of knowledge
of true Self. I don’t see any reason other than kalpana that made knowledge
deficient. I told you earlier that knowledge does not become unstable unless
kalpanas encroach upon the stable state; therefore, when understanding
becomes illusory, it’s impossible by any means for knowledge to attain true
Self unless it becomes illusion-free. The cause of illusion and deficiency in
knowledge being kalpana, as long as there are kalpanas, it’s impossible to get
rid of feelings of ‘deficiency’ or illusion.

Unless imaginative or illusive knowledge dwells in the non-understanding

state, knowledge feels that there is certain deficiency in understanding, in
other words, when there’s any deficiency of understanding, there’ll be the
feeling of ‘deficiency’ in knowledge, and the moment ‘understanding’ enters,
illusions make their entry. The ‘wrong’ then becomes ‘right’, and by taking
non-self to be true Self, and assuming understanding-born objects as ‘real’,
knowledge gets deranged, and like a lunatic, then runs hither and thither in
trying to attain the state of true Self. When knowledge experiences
‘deficiency’, it gets restless and cannot rest without understanding. Illusively
believing ‘wrong’ as ‘right’ is what ‘understanding’ is! In the absence of
knowledge of true Self, while dwelling in the state of illusion, knowledge
takes non-self to be true Self, whereby it starts desiring illusory objects.
Kalpanas endorse these as ‘correct’ and capable to satisfy wants and
cravings; this is why, living beings, while dwelling in the state of kalpana,
assume that kalpana-borne objects are their objects of craving, and run like a
deer runs in a forest in search of musk hidden in their navel and like lunatics,
keep circling within the realm of imagined objects. Because of the changed
state of the soul, knowledge is unaware that ‘knowledge’ itself is deficient in
knowledge, or the state of Soul is itself deficient in the soul; this explains why,
with a change in kalpana or illusions, knowledge and objects of craving will
definitely change.

The form of knowledge that emerges through the body or the senses has
nothing akin to ‘understanding’, but only feels a ‘deficiency’ in understanding.
That understanding is deficient in understanding does not come into
knowledge; this is why, sense-knowledge feels that it is its duty to understand
what accords to it. Since living beings are ignorant of the essence of
sense-knowledge, they’re unaware that nothing correlates to understanding
in the non-understanding state. The moment kalpanas enter knowledge, the
craving to understand intensifies, whereby the ‘wrong’ becomes ‘right’, and
what is then anyone understands as ‘correct’ becomes ‘correct’. By no means
can anyone set aside their ‘correct’, because none will agree to aside their
kalpanas which take illusions as correct.

Kalpanas are now become the essence of human beings; therefore, other
than knowledge of a kalpana-borne ‘I’, the knowledge of the actual ‘I’ (true
Self) does not come into knowledge. Kalpana-borne ‘I’ takes kalpana-borne
my-yours, vice-virtue, religious-irreligious, happiness-distress as correct;
therefore, these become correct. With a change in my kalpana, those persons
whom I take to be ‘others’ become ‘mine’ and I become mad for them, while
those whom I consider ‘mine’ become ‘others’, and in my agitated state, I
shall not hesitate even to murder them.

Imaginings are nothing but words. We imagine samskaars of good-bad,

vice-virtue merely by adding sounds and forming imaginative words of our
own; therefore, all our memories and samskaars of good-bad, vice-virtue are
merely imagined words. If one spares time to think of it in depth, they’ll
realize that when they set aside all imaginative words and perceive objects
only by the senses, they do not understand objects as before, but are
different from what imaginative words made them understand; say when we
erase the word ‘shame’ from our memory, will we then see a nude person
similarly? If we leave aside all feelings of religious-irreligious, vice-virtue,
good-bad, just-unjust and perceive only what our senses make us perceive, I
think all will agree that such perception will be vastly different from the
earlier one. In fact, when we perceive objects after setting aside imposed
words, then all imaginative forms of understanding and of my ‘my’ will
definitely disappear. That none presently understands anything of the past
which was not stored in their memory makes it amply clear that the form of
‘understanding’ and of my ‘my’ are the same as the words with which I
imagine.

What I try to explain is also by means of words of language; therefore,

explaining is merely a bundle of imposed words. In the absence of imposed
words, neither is there any understanding nor is there any ‘I’ (ego).
Understanding being language-based, I’ve to use so many words to make you
understand what ‘non-understanding’ is! Since imaginative understanding
neither has any form nor any reality, imaginative forms of understanding can
get eliminated only when all imaginations are eliminated. I now need to
explain to you the reality of imaginings with the help of imagination, but
understanding in the state of imagination only being imaginative explains
why imaginings of one person take the imaginings of others as wrong.

We further observe that though we imagine with the help of sound of words,
certain sounds can change our state of imaginative knowledge; say when I
reside in the reality arising from the sounds ‘Aum’, ‘U’ or ‘E’, neither do
imaginations appear nor do I take imaginative understanding as correct;
therefore, difference in imaginings is what causes differences in state and in
understanding.

It struck my mind, while dwelling on this subject, that when I think of ‘U’ by
concentrating inwardly at the point of dwidal, neither is there any external
world-born kalpana nor is there any craving; rather these get negated. Can
we then not say that nothing but ‘kalpana’ cause knowledge to become
external and increase world-born cravings, desires and wants?
I am repeatedly telling you, “When any word comes in your memory, you’ll
understand according to that word, and your cravings, desires and your ‘my’
will also become similar; say when the word ‘Baba’ or ‘Mama’ comes in mind,
then the form of my knowledge or understanding changes accordingly; when
I take any word as a ‘greeting’ and another as ‘abuse’ (the word ‘sala’ in
Bengali and Hindi means brother-in-law and is also a rebuke), it is my kalpana
that decides whether that word is a greeting or an abuse. It is by changing
words that we categorize good-bad and the like; therefore, understanding of
human beings cannot change or categorize other than by use of words.

Unless a sense-organ is damaged, the senses of all humans understand

similarly, and the knowledge that emerges is also similar. Nothing but words
pollutes understanding whereby people of various races or religions perceive
and imagine sense-objects differently and take Soul to be different, and
worship in different ways. Difference in sense-based kalpanas is why different
kriyas arise and cause numerous differences and understandings to appear. It
is only because of samskaars that persons of the Satya-Yuga were thrust into
the present state. Difference in understandings ignites the flames of
‘differences’ and gives rise to world-wide selfishness, squabbles and
unimaginable sorrows. It’s not surprising that human beings are treating
fellow beings like dogs and goats! With each passing day, kalpanas are
changing, yet one’s understanding does not spare time to understand that
differences and sorrows are increasing only due to kalpanas. People imagine
and build castles in the air, but all of these are reduced to kalpana and will
continue to be so. Unless human drown in the sea of despair, the confidence
they repose on their imaginings will not crumble.

Source: Hemangini’s manuscript, Part 1, Book 2

=========

LETTER NO: 4:2

Friday, 2nd July, 1915
While taking the form of a human body, we took loads of imaginative
samskaars with us. Since kriya corresponding to those samskaars, and the
tools correlating to these kriyas are present in the human body, kriya
compatible to body-born kriya is the kriya that I shall like, and anything
against body-born kriya will be repulsive. When fever changes my body-kriya,
I cover my body with a blanket even in summer, and yet feel comfortable, but
will be irritating in normal body temperature; with a change in kriya of the
tongue, a palatable food becomes unpalatable; similarly, when the eyes get
infected, everything appears to be yellow in colour.

Since kriya compatible to body is what I experience and cherish, I don’t think
it’s difficult for anyone to realize that when kalpanas bring about a change in
their understanding, kriya in their body will get changed accordingly. All are
aware, and must agree, that when one imagines seeing a ghost, or desires to
have sex with a beautiful lady, body-kriya changes; therefore, there’s no iota
of doubt that (1) understanding corresponds to kalpana (2) kriya corresponds
to understanding and (3) since body-born kriya is the kriya that I cherish, as
long as I have worldly kalpanas, my body-kriya will not accept Guru-body,
Guru-sayings or Guru-thoughts to be compatible.

We also observe that when any object comes into contact with the senses
and body-kriya changes, kriya compatible to body-kriya is what I like; say
when onions and other edibles bring about change in kriya of my body, I
relish consuming these objects. In this manner, when objects come into
contact with the senses, and body-kriya corresponds to objects, I love these
objects, and take these as compatible. When one is laid low by fever but is
not allowed to cover the body with a blanket, they get irritated; similarly, one
gets irritated when they’re prevented from materializing activities
corresponding to their body-kriya; therefore, as long as one associates with
the material, or has material-born kriya, neither it’s possible to like Guru, nor
can ever Guru be liked.
For those seeking liberation, it’s essential to associate with Guru by
seeing-touching-hearing of the senses, and also in their kalpana. It is
necessary that body-kriya arising from sense-objects or that which arises
from kalpanas be compatible with Guru. When body-kriya is in conflict with
Guru-understanding, Guru cannot by any means be liked, because if this is
wrong, there cannot at all be any difference between the healthy state and
that of illness.

Nothing but ‘words’ is the essence of understanding of the state of kalpana; it

is a change of words that brings about a change in understanding.
Object-form that emerges through the senses has no ‘understanding’, yet we
feel that we ‘understand’ by employing words. The form of understanding is
nothing other than ‘words’, but sense-knowledge has nothing akin to
‘understanding’; therefore, if you see or touch anything by erasing all words
from your memory, you’ll not ‘understand’ anything (merely perceive as it is).
You cannot remember any past event which has not been stored in memory
by using words of language, but the moment any word related to that event
appears in mind, this word-related ‘understanding’ surfaces. I’m explaining
this facet of ‘understanding’ to you merely by changing words. If we set aside
all imposed words of language and perceive only by the senses, you’ll find
that unless words come into mind, neither any ‘understanding’ nor my ‘my’
can find a place in my memory or knowledge.

Change in understanding materializes only by changing words of language;

say if the word ‘bad’ is not replaced by ‘good’, you cannot understand ‘good’.
In this manner, we understand vice-virtue, heaven-hell, shame-hatred and
other attributes merely by changing words whereby the knowledge of their
‘opposites’ comes into awareness. The form of sense-knowledge is always
unchanged, but is understand differently only because of using words. Our
seeing-hearing being word-related explains why we see and hear differently.

Understanding corresponding to body-kriya that emerges from kalpanas or

from attachment-detachment will change with a change in body-kriya. If all
imaginings are set aside and objects then come into contact with my senses,
my body-kriya can only accord to that object and will be compatible, that is,
in the absence of any kalpana, it’s natural that body-kriya will be object-born
(not imagination-born); this is why it is said, ‘Dhyan Moolang Guru Moorti’.

Though the senses of all human beings are the same and perform similar
functions, yet people are becoming different to such an extent because of
their kalpanas. As long as one resorts to kalpana, their understanding can
only accord with their kalpanas, and make it impossible to understand Guru
as ‘Guru’; rather will understand Guru according to their own imaginings.

Further, the manner in which kalpanas corresponding to body-kriya give

happiness is the manner in which kalpanas that are conflicting to body-kriya
gives pain and distress; this is why, we have within us feelings of ‘happiness’
as well as ‘distress’, that is, body-kriya and understanding can only
correspond to one’s kalpana. Anything against kalpana-born understanding
and habitual body-kriya is at first taken as ‘opposite’ and is disliked, but when
this opposite body-kriya becomes a habit and becomes similar to that
kalpana, it then becomes compatible.

As such, shun all kalpanas. Understand Guru-body according to your senses,

or else, change your present kalpanas and think of nothing but
Guru-thoughts.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript, Part 1, Book 2
============

LETTER NO: 4:3

Thursday, 22nd July, 1915

The form of Knowledge or Soul that arises in human beings through

perception of ears-touch-eyes-tongue-nose is the same in all, that is,
sense-perceptions is common in all. Sense-perception does not require any
knowledge or advice, because sense-vibrations make the senses perceive
sense-objects the moment these come into contact with the senses. In the
state of sense-perception, there are no three-fold forms of knowledge,
knower and knowable-objects; rather objects are perceived as ‘objects’, and
nothing correlates to ‘understanding’.

Even at present, when an object comes into contact with any sense-organ
after all understandings are set aside, the form of knowledge can only be
akin to object-form, and if I imagine or try to understand by the help of
language, words cannot possibly make me understand that object. If words
could at all make one experience objects, words cease to be kalpanas, rather
all would understand the same object by the same word. But what we find is
that persons unacquainted with Bengali who do not understand Bengali
words merely hear some sounds from which neither the knowledge of
corresponding objects comes into their knowledge, nor do they feel they
‘understand’; in this case, even translating from one language to another will
become impossible (because objects will change with a change of words);
therefore, we must accept that persons of different race who understand by
language and believe that they understand objects by using words of
language is outright fallacy. Words do not make anyone understand anything
at all. My belief that I understand ‘X’ object by imagining ‘X’ word is why one
and the same object is understood by different words (say the object that
quenches thirst and drenches is called water, aqua, jal, paani, neer); similarly,
what is imagined by the words ‘good-bad, hatred-shame, fear, vice-virtue and
heaven-hell’ is understood and acted upon accordingly. Although words by
which we denote particular objects have no basis, reason, logic or proof, yet
we understand according to words because of imagining ‘this’ word to be
‘this’ object. At the root of that which makes us understand, ‘I understand’ is
kalpana, that is, our kalpanas make us believe that we ‘understand’. Kalpana
is the root cause which makes us feel that knowledge, knower and
knowable-objects are three entities.

If we set aside all our kalpanas, our form of knowledge can only correspond
to our senses (with no element of understanding). That different races
understand differently is because their understanding “I shall understand
‘this’ by ‘this’ word” makes them understand differently. I understand
cow-slaughter as ‘sin’ because I’ve decided to do so, whereas people of
another religion understand it as ‘virtue’, because they’ve decided to
understand it as such. People of western India take the word ‘chool’ as of
shame, whereas we (in Bengal) take this as normal. By taking varied
imaginative samskaars as correct, I’ve made my soul samskaa-based.

Besides this, with a change in our word-based kalpanas, we’re always

changing our understanding and samskaars; say when I decide to understand
widow-marriage as unacceptable, I understand it as ‘unacceptable’; if I
change my kalpana and decide to understand widow-marriage as acceptable,
I then understand it as ‘acceptable’.

Even my present ‘I’ being the product of my kalpana, my understanding of

knowledge, knower and knowable-objects as being three entities is nothing
but the product of my kalpana. I thus find that I understand objects or
matters by creating imaginative word(s) and acting in accord with my
kalpana. When I continue to understand in this manner over a long period of
time, my understanding is bound to take anything in conflict to it as wrong.

Since I understand ‘this’ object by ‘this’ word, I must now realize that these
are mere kalpanas and are erroneous, that is, my understanding is the
product of my kalpanas. Words have no relevance to objects, because if
there’s any relevance, one would not then resort to kalpana. If words could
give rise to object-knowledge, then regardless of language, the same word(s)
should have caused the same knowledge to arise in all, but since one and the
same object is understood and explained by different imagined words (water,
jal, paani), we cannot by any means accept that objects give rise to
understanding; rather our kalpanas is its cause. Word-based forms can only
be imaginative.
Further, that some words are taken to be ‘repulsive’ and ‘abusive’, and some
to be ‘pleasant’ and nice to hear also has no reality other than being kalpana.
There are many such words which people of one race take it to be pleasant,
but as abuse by another. In this manner, kalpanas have obliterated
object-forms of knowledge to such an extent that our understanding has lost
the ability to understand the reality of knowledge or understanding.

Human beings claim that anything that is not backed by reason, basis or logic
is improper, yet surprisingly, all are relying on illogical, unreasonable and
baseless words, and claiming that they understand! Knowledgeable persons
laugh at the extent of their attachment and ignorance. Not only are all family
connections and relationships baseless, even their individual ‘I’ has no basis.
Imagined words have made people so illusory that they believe, ‘Words give
rise to object-knowledge’. People have lost their capacity to understand that,
other than being mere kalpana, words have no capacity to give rise to any
object-knowledge whatsoever.

If you do not set aside the understanding that makes you understand ‘this’
object by ‘this’ word but continue to live with it, then by no means will you
be able to negate your present understanding.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript: Part 1, Book 2 s
==========

LETTER NO: 4:4

By our present knowledge or understanding, we assume to have four states

of existence.

Understanding of my state of ‘waking’ is my present state, and the state

subsequent to the present state is the state of ‘sleep’ and ‘dream’. If I negate
my sense-knowledge and sense-born kalpanas and reside in the state of
U-kaar, that is, if for some time, if I can get rid of all other thoughts and
reside and concentrate in the sense-free state of U-kaar, my present
knowledge will experience that I then reside in a state different from the
three earlier states of waking, sleep and dream.

In the state of sleep, there’s no state other than sleeping, while the state of
dream has no state other than dreaming. While dreaming, the feeling ‘I’m
seeing a dream’ that often occurs is also nothing but a dream; samskaars of
‘dreams’ that get bound in the soul while awake manifest and make me feel,
“I’m seeing a dream”; however, this dreaming is different from dreams of the
awakened state. Other than present sense-knowledge (while waking), the
reality of all the other three states (while in U-kaar, sleeping and dreaming) is
similar in which it resides. Since samskaars of ‘sleep’ and ‘dream’ follow my
present state (of waking), samskaars of the present state surface in the
subsequent states (of sleep and dream), but the fourth state (of U-kaar)
being prior to present (waking) state, even an atom of the other three states
(waking-sleep-dream) cannot surface in the state of U-kaar.

You may argue, “Why do you say that this fourth state (of U-kaar) is the
original state”?

The first proof which European scientists have also proved is that
Consciousness or Knowledge (of the state of U-kaar) that gets everything
done is present in a fetus even before it develops into a sensory body,
because what goes missing in a fetus when it does not develop into a body
and decays or gets destroyed and does not assume a body-form is
‘Consciousness’, or ‘Knowledge’. You may call this by any other name, but all
refer to the same thing. Can anyone view anything if the sense-based body
has no ‘viewer’ to view? The body decays after death in the absence of
Consciousness; therefore, nothing but this fourth state of Consciousness or
Knowledge is the ‘original’ state. Only the state from which the kriya of
attraction-repulsion begins and returns can be the ‘origin’. Which state other
than that from which kriya originates and causes activities be called its
‘origin’? In the absence of kriya, there’s no knowledge of beginning or end;
therefore, the place from which kriya or vibration originate is obviously the
place of origin. We will witness that once this state (of U-kaar) is attained,
present knowledge gradually dissipates, and other than the knowledge of this
state, there is no knowledge of the three other states or of any other thing.
From where has knowledge of the other three states surfaced in this state?
By what means has other knowledge surfaced? How was it possible?

Other than by resorting to kalpana, your knowledge can have no answer

thereof. The essence of Knowledge has no second thing, and if at all there is
any second thing, nothing but true Self can possibly be the second thing.
When true Self misunderstands its own self as the second thing, what can
this be other than an illusion? So called knowledgeable persons may object to
the word ‘understanding’, and may argue that even present understanding is
understanding-based. What I mean by ‘understanding’ in this context is
‘duality’ and not non-understanding. Understanding means duality. Dualities
surface from kalpanas, and kalpanas surface from illusions. The gradual
increase in illusions is what made us arrive at the present state of waking,
sleep and dream. The state of sleep is akin to a tortoise in its shell, whereby
the influence of attraction-repulsion enshrouds the soul and it remains curled
up in the body; whereas in the state of dream, the samskaar-riddled body
may not have any body awareness, but those recorded and piled up
imaginative samskaars surface therein.

Observe one more thing! Kalpanas cause differences to arise, but when one
form of samskaar is in knowledge or consciousness, any different form of
samskaar ceases to exist. At any given time, two samskaars cannot manifest
simultaneously (say eating beef is bad and eating pork is good) nor can ever
manifest. You may imagine in any way you like, but if imaginative knowledge
tries to understand true Self, you’ll not understand true Self rather end up
assuming non-Self as true Self. I’ve already told you earlier that when
knowledge took the help of language or kalpanas in order to understand
sense-knowledge, its form got changed and three states emerged
(knowledge, knower and knowable-objects). The onslaught of kalpanas, one
after the other that caused the form of knowledge to change immensely is
already in your knowledge.

Why did the form of knowledge change? The desire to ‘understand’ is the
cause. What else can I say to be the cause? What can remain when all
understandings wither away? Understanding is at the root of all differences; if
not, what is it? Since the present form of understanding surfaced because of
differences in understanding, what then was its original form? You cannot
understand this just as you cannot understand what you understood when
you were a child. Does this mean that you had no understanding when you
were a child? Can Guru of your kalpana the same as when you become
ecstatic and cry for Guru? Change in kalpanas has changed knowledge to
such an extent that if an object is now placed before your eyes by setting
aside all kalpanas, your understanding will not take that to be an
‘understanding’. How then does your present knowledge dare try to
understand the reality of the sense-free state? I get dumb-founded! In
relation to every matter and activity, it’s observed that if there is one
understanding, then at no time can there be any second understanding
(cannot see cricket and soccer simultaneously), yet all are trying to
understand at the same time! Your illusive knowledge is the outcome of
drowning deep in illusions, if not, what is it?

Leave aside this. I make you understand by the form of my knowledge,

whereas you understand by your form of understanding. Now tell me, when
others make you understand according to their understanding, and you
understand by your understanding, can you understand them completely? If
one actually understands, why then are there such squabbles and bickering
all around the world? Why does one not understand the other?

Can any difference be experienced in the state of turiya or when thoughts are
fully merged in dwidal? Think whether there’s any difference in people of any
race or religion while sleeping; rather it is only in the awakened state that
imaginings cause differences to come into our awareness. Dreams are
manifestation of samskaars of kalpanas of the awakened state for which
differences appear. By all canons, it’s essential to keep Me beyond the realms
of your kalpana; otherwise, my son, you’ll never realize kalpanas as ‘kalpana’.

On many occasions you write, “Nothing good is going to happen to me”. Even
if you had not written this to me, I’m sure that as long as your ‘I’ (ego) is
present in you, nothing good can happen to you. Unless your ego dissipates
and you become Guru-like, nothing Guru-like can happen to you, and never
can it be. Have you ever experienced true Self other than in kalpana? Does
kalpana-free Self have any form?

If your claim, “I experience everything only after experiencing” is true, then

by what experience are you experiencing your present ‘I’? If you understand
‘I’ on the basis of your gross body, why do you denote ‘my hand’, ‘my legs’
and ‘my heart’? If you assert that you understand ‘I’ on the basis of
experiences of your kalpana-born samskaars, I say that all human beings are
riddled with infinite types of samskaars, and as long as one dwells in one
form of samskaar, a different type of samskaar cannot surface, yet I am
getting changed infinitely (with infinite change in samskaars). Since one ‘I’
disappears the moment another ‘I’ surfaces, I must accept that true Self that I
understand is merely my illusion

There’s yet another danger. My one ‘I’ does not recognize my different ‘I’.
Since sense-based understanding cannot perceive two objects
simultaneously, what is it that I understand? Is my understanding of one form
by a different form not an illusion?

Consequently, the understanding, ‘I-have-understood’ is a reflection of total

illusion or attachment. You understand what accords with your
understanding, whereas I make you understand with what accords to my
understanding; as such, your relationship snaps from time to time, but my
relationship is unbreakable since infinity and will continue to be so.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript : Book 2.
========

LETTER NO: 4:5

To: Surendranath Sen
From: Jagatpur Ashram

We squabble by day and by night over ‘understanding’, but does anyone have
the time to ponder what ‘understanding’ is? What is the essence of
‘understanding’?

The essence of all that we understand, without any exception, is

sense-knowledge; we cannot understand or trace any understanding which
has no sense-reality, and the basis of present understanding is
sense-knowledge. We accept that the basis of sense-knowledge is common in
all, because if it was natural for the senses of human beings to perceive
differently, or if sense-objects make different persons understand differently,
it would be impossible for one person to understand like that of another
person; therefore, is not the attempt to explain to others merely an illusion?
In spite of this, these so-called knowledgeable persons believe that difference
in understanding arising from the senses, or because of objects is ‘correct’.
I’ve not come down from the Himalayas to make such ‘knowledgeable’
persons understand!

Even after understanding that the senses can give rise only to singular
understanding, if one still wants to make others ‘understand’, they must at
first understand, ‘Why do different understandings arise? Is my
understanding sense-based, or is it object-based’?

Sense-objects being at the root of all understandings, there’s no

understanding when sense-objects are left out. How surprising it is that
though sense-objects are the basis of understanding and the senses of all
perceive similarly, yet human beings understand objects differently (some
shiver at the sight of cow-slaughter whereas some dance in ecstasy)! I don’t
think anyone will object if I say, ‘Our understanding is vastly different from
what our senses make us understand’.

It’s impossible to have different understanding and understand objects

differently unless I bypass my sense-knowledge and change the form of
objects according to my kalpana; that is, when kalpanas change
sense-objects, and these are understood thereafter, it’s impossible for one to
understand like another person does. Even then, if one raises any question,
or tries to understand, it’s merely to endorse their viewpoint.

When I keep my understanding intact, it is foolish to hope, ‘Others will

understand in the manner I understand’. Only when I perceive objects by my
senses will I see no difference, but if I understand after kalpanas bring about
change in my knowledge, objects will not be seen sense-like but will accord
with own kalpanas.

Human beings have the same five sense organs, and the organs of karmas
and other tools of the body are also the same; forty-nine sounds are
invariably present in all human beings; the state of all human beings while
asleep is the same; when one is sick, the symptoms, pain, kriya and the
consequences are the same, for example, while one is laid up with fever, the
temperature of blood rises in all persons; all suffocate to death in the
absence of ventilation; all get burnt by fire and drenched by water; there’s no
difference in the pleasure of touch (say in feelings of hot and cold), and a
child is born when a male copulates with a female of any race or religion. All
of these imply that when kalpanas are set aside, the form of
sense-knowledge can only be the same in all.

When nothing but kalpanas cause objects to come into knowledge or the
soul, how can we understand our state before kalpanas entered into us? We
find that at present, people of the same race understand sense-objects
similarly by the same language-based words; say Bengalis understand objects
that correspond to the words ‘goru’, ‘chagal’, ‘bhera’, ‘manush’, ‘jal, ‘surjya’
and so on; similarly, Englishmen who denote those same sense-objects as
‘cow’, ‘goat’, ‘ram’, ‘man’, ‘water’, ‘sun’ and so on also do not differ in their
understanding. Only when we do not perceive sense-like, but understand
after language-based kalpanas change the form of knowledge do differences
in understanding appear. As the form that emerges when any object comes
into contact with the senses is the same for all, objects can give rise to one
form only, but when objects are perceived after kalpanas bring about change
in knowledge, are objects viewed differently. However, when different
persons imagine similarly, and their knowledge gets transformed in a similar
manner, objects are then understood similarly; this is why, all Hindus having
the same imaginative thinking view cow-slaughter as a horrendous act, while
all Muslims imagining to attain heaven by this act view it as an act of virtue.

Even after realizing that kalpanas have immensely changed the reality of
knowledge, if one believes, ‘I understand and correctly understand’, then for
them, my sayings have no value. Understanding ‘this’ for ‘that’, or
understanding one form to be a different form is what ‘illusion’ is! The
knowledge of those who do not understand that illusions of kalpana-born
understanding are making them understand sense-objects in the manner
they like have no knowledge of anything called ‘illusions’ (do not recognize
illusions as such).
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript.
==========

LETTER NO: 4:6

To: Surendranath Sen
th
Dated: 26 Sept., 1915: From: Kalipur Ashram

Bisu! I am approaching you today in a heartbroken and hopeless state that is

full of frustration. For more than a month I have been thinking, “I cannot
understand anything, but why am I not relenting from explaining?” When my
present understanding understands the essence of understanding, I find that
object-free knowledge has no form, nor can the form of objects be anything
other than object-born; when I leave aside objects, my understanding as well
as the knower become untraceable. Since understanding has no form other
than object-form, we must accept that with a change in objects, our
understanding inevitably changes; this is why, with a change in objects, the
form of knowledge as well as our right-wrong changes; all decisions of
right-wrong are taken only by comparing with this form of right-wrong of our
knowledge.

It’s impossible for the form of knowledge to be finite, because not only are
objects infinite, but kalpanas are also making them infinite and viewed in
infinite ways; this is why, at any given moment of time, the manner in which
an object is perceived becomes the form of knowledge. Understanding ‘X’ as
‘Y’ and assuming objects to exist even in their absence is the essence of
illusion! Illusions have no reality other than this reality. Deluded knowledge
of knowledge is what ‘understanding’ is! Since object-free knowledge has no
independent existence, whatever we understand can only be object-born,
and when objects disappear, present knowledge also disappears. Neither is it
possible for present knowledge to understand the reality of knowledge
beyond objects or object-free knowledge, nor can the knowledge of the
imagination-free reality of Guru can come into our knowledge. After
drowning in the maze of understanding for so long, I find that I’m no more in
Guru-form!

If one tries to understand Guru by imagining an imaginative Guru-form, then

other than understanding a knowledge-substituted (one knowledge replaced
by another knowledge) Guru, they cannnot understand the reality of Guru. If
I disagree with Vedanta’s philosophy of knowledge-substitution (relating to
Singular entity), it’s impossible to perceive a piece of rope in place of a snake.
Is it possible to gain the knowledge of true Self when object-knowledge
becomes my knowledge and taken as correct? I’ll then no longer understand
the reality of knowledge of true Self; rather by taking object-forms as real,
knowledge-substitutes will replace the knowledge of true Self. The moment
you try to understand by your object-knowledge, you’ll be committing a
mistake, but the fact is that when you set aside object-form, it becomes
impossible for you to understand anything at all. Since it’s impossible to
understand or explain by making one understand, why at all dwell in this
mess of understanding? When one tries to understand or explain,
knowledge-substitutes will immediately appear in knowledge, and since
anything against my knowledge-substitutes is taken as wrong, understanding
or explaining can only be wrong. When knowledge-substitutes are in
knowledge, these will surface as kalpanas, and anything against these
kalpanas then becomes wrong; therefore, understanding and explaining can
only be erroneous. When knowledge is infested with substitutes, knowledge
no longer dwells in the state of true Self, and by imagining an imaginative
form, it gets substituted by imagination-akin knowledge whereby one drowns
in deep illusions that make them see a ghost in place of a banyan tree.

Till now, I explained to you by my understanding and you understood by your

understanding; therefore, I myself have become so non-understanding that I
forgot that there’s nothing to explain nor anything to understand.

However, if I alienate my present understanding, none of those so called

‘knowledgeable’ persons will remain ‘mine’. By understanding
knowledge-substituted forms of material and materialists as real, I no longer
understand the essence of Guru. I shiver to think of the agonies that I will
suffer from its consequences. If one does not set aside the knowledge of
knowledge-substitutes, none has till now understood or can they ever
understand the essence of Guru. The mantra for setting aside
knowledge-substitutes is to reside in Ha-kaar-free state of U-kaar; other than
this, there’s no other method. Thinking of Guru while setting aside all other
thoughts is another method, but knowledge-substitutes will never agree to
adopt either of these methods.
Bisu! No longer do I want to listen to any advice, or understand by my
understanding. Now my only question to you is, “Do you want to become
‘mine’ “? If differences relating to time-place-objects-situations-good-bad
remain, none by my knowledge is ‘mine’. Now see whether you are mine!
Nothing but my kalpanas are making me take knowledge-substitutes
(wife-sons and the like) as correct; therefore, when knowledge-substituted
forms of wife-sons or name-fame are taken as real, none can take Me as
‘mine’. Alas! Knowledge-substitutes are making me take relatives as correct,
but I always witness that with a change in the form of knowledge-substitutes,
my relationships with them is getting changed. Even after this, will disagree
that nothing but my knowledge-substitutes are misguiding me and making
me take them as real?

If knowledge-substitutes are at all real or correct, why is their past reality not
coming into the knowledge of our knowledge? Getting attracted to the wrong
even after realizing that these are wrong is what attachment is! Can I ever
hope to become detached? Disciples who take the reality of Guru as ‘unreal’
and become confused the moment they see anything in Guru against their
knowledge-substitute have no knowledge of the essence of Guru and never
can it be.

Bisu! What one says or understands can only accord with the form of their
understanding. If I write to you according to ‘my’ understanding, and you
continue to understand according to ‘your’ substituted knowledge, will you
understand like I understand? Knowledge-substituted objects, at all times and
in all situations, can never be object-like. The reason why differences arise in
knowledge or understanding is only because difference in kalpanas is causing
substituted objects or matters to appear, and with it, the form of knowledge
changes in various ways; consequently, if you read my letter by thinking of or
doing ‘Guru-Guru’, you’ll find my letter to be of one type; if you read my
letter by imagining Me according to your kalpana, you’ll find the substance
of my letter to be different; if you think that your Guru is angry with you
because the friend of His heart (Surendranath) is not attentive to his studies,
it’ll be different; if you think that from the day you met Guru, your Guru
cannot stay without you even for a day, and any change in disciple does not
cause any change in Guru, you’ll then find my letter to be yet of another type.
In sum, let me know what your knowledge-substituted form understands,
that is, what is that you understand when your knowledge gets changed.

During these Puja holidays, I felt I was like a caged bird. I don’t know why at
times my heart cries out ‘Ha-ha’. I feel that the push and pull resulting from
meditating on an imaginative Guru-form for so long instead of the real
Guru-form is what is making me suffer agonies and sorrows.

Bisu! You are 20/21 years old. Are you sleeping since your childhood? If you
always have Guru-thoughts, why at all you need amulets and black-magic?

Source: Hemangini’s manuscript, Book 7

==========

LETTER NO: 4:7

To: Jagat Chandara Das
From: Jagatpur Ashram

Since long I’ve been pondering over this mess of understanding, because
neither do I know what I understand or explain, nor do I know what you
understand, and nor what makes you say, “I understand”. When I think of
these, I lose my understanding.

When sense-knowledge is set aside, nothing of this world exists, and even my
‘I’ ceases to exist; yet my present knowledge has nothing akin to the
sense-based world or the sense-based ‘I’. Does the form of understanding
that emerges from vibration of the five senses of ears-skin-eyes-tongue-nose
correspond to sense-vibration? The five types of understanding can emerge
only through the five senses, but that words/sound relate only to the ears
implies that perceiving everything (relating to touch-see-smell-taste-sound)
only by the ears cannot be anything but wrong; yet we’re accepting as
correct. Can ‘wrong’ which is opposite to ‘correct’ at all be correct
simultaneously?

On the other hand, sense-knowledge of human beings, irrespective of their

race or religion is similar; say all get drenched by water, burnt by fire, require
water to quench their thirst, see black as ‘black’ and white as ‘white’; the
moment there’s any sound, ears of all hear that sound similarly; all
experience winter-summer as ‘winter’ and ‘summer’; sweet is experienced as
‘sweet’ and none as ‘sour’. From this we can conclude that perceptions
arising from sense-knowledge are almost the same in all, and it’ll not be
wrong if we say that they are ‘same’; yet we believe that perception of all the
five senses can materialize with the help of two thousand-five-hundred
different sounds comprising two-thousand-five-hundred different
language-based words. Ears hear two-thousand-five-hundred different
languages in two-thousand-five-hundred forms by which
two-thousand-five-hundred types of vibration transform and categorize my
knowledge in two-thousand-five-hundred different ways, and even then
we’re accepting that vibration-based experience is correct! We must admit
that when anything comes into contact with our eyes or skin, perception is
not similar to the perception arising from sound of words and can never be;
had this been possible, sound-vibration emerging from different
language-based words would be same. If sound-vibration of different
language-based words is the same, how then do we understand different
words differently? This proves that my understanding does not accord with
sense-vibration, and I am ignorant of what I understand or how I understand.

We also observe that imaginings not only cause our knowledge to have
knowledge opposite to sense-knowledge but also take this as correct. Proof
of such instances, in one sense, is found in every stage of our present
understanding.
Differences in attachment-detachment and a change in knowledge of
vice-virtue, just-unjust, religious-irreligious change the forms of objects to
such an extent that when kalpanas become different, objects that were
understood when they first came into contact with the senses are no longer
seen or understood as before, that is, my attachment-detachment is what
makes me see or love that has no bearing with sense perception; say when
see cow-slaughter, I view as a great sin; when I view an image of clay as a
god, I view it differently from a normal image. When I view anyone
differently on the basis of ‘mine’ and ‘others’, the form of my understanding
has no bearing with what I perceive.

The form of understanding that emerges through kalpana cannot understand

what its form was before kalpanas were introduced, because I’m reluctant to
analyze whether, other than kalpana, I at all understand the essence of any
object. Now think what it is that I explain? Think what is that you
understand?

Another question that I ask you, “When people of different race and religion
are perceive the same sense-object differently, are their senses making those
objects different, or are their kalpanas making them understand differently”?
I doubt whether sense-born world ever manifested in jagat (Jagat Chandra
Das & the world at large), or will it ever manifest.

You often lament, “I’m in this mess because I’m caught up in the material”.
Kalpana-born vibration, and not sense-born vibrations are obstructing
Guru-vibration from arising in your soul, that is, kalpana of persons-objects
made your knowledge imaginative and are obstructing Guru-jnan to arise in
you and it’ll continue to so obstruct. Does your present knowledge have any
form other than kalpana? What you see in nothing other than realities
correlating to kalpana; therefore, when you imagine a ghost in place of a
banyan tree, that tree does not at all become a ghost; rather your kalpana
makes it appear to be so. In this manner, everything sense-born has now
become imagination-born. You’ll not find sense-based form anywhere, or of
anything.

If you accept that vibration causes knowledge, you must also accept that
sound is vastly different from touch; therefore, vibration of ‘sight’ or ‘touch’
cannot arise from ‘sound’ vibration; that is, knowledge arising from vibration
in ears cannot manifest through vibration in any other sense organ. At
present, the form of our understanding is not related to vibration in the ears
or of any other sense organ, but accords with our kalpanas; therefore, at
present, the form of any object has no reality but is imaginary.

Any attempt to understand true Self without shunning all your kalpanas is a
terrible delusion. The medicine to eradicate this dreaded disease is
‘Guru-Guru’ sound which is inseparable from vibration of the sound ‘U’. Only
when one attains this state does the capacity to imagine is lost whereby
imaginative knowledge disappears. If one is not attracted to this method, is
there any other method?

I cannot understand whether the advice that I gave, or what I said or

explained to you, was said or explained to you in my state of kalpana, or
when I set aside my kalpanas, because the moment kalpanas enter into me, I
lose all my senses.

Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (F)

=========

LETTER NO: 4:8

Today I’m writing to you of three things. Do vichar about these carefully and
give their correct answer.
Before the soul took a body-form with the five senses and the five organs of
karma, (1) did knowledge then have knowledge akin to the senses? (2) Did it
then understand sense-like? (3) Was it then possible to understand like
present sense-knowledge does?

Try to understand by your present knowledge whether sense-akin knowledge

is possible in the state beyond the senses. Think of it. If you say that you
cannot understand this, think whether the form of sense-knowledge with
which you were born is now the same, or has this got transformed? If you
say that your knowledge is sense-based, how is the knowledge of difference
in race-religion-caste and the like surfacing therein? If your present
knowledge analyzes whether pure sense-knowledge has any difference, you’ll
clearly observe that the touch of fire is agonizing to all, everyone gets
drenched by water, water quenches everyone’s thirst, tongue of all tastes
sour as ‘sour’, and sweet as ‘sweet’; experience hard-soft, winter-summer
similarly, and all get afflicted similarly by a similar disease. Although
sense-activities are similar in all, why do differences in vice-virtue,
religious-irreligious, just-unjust, duty and non-duty arise in their knowledge?
The state that emerges from sense perceptions is the same in all; therefore,
by no means can sense-knowledge be the reason for which differences of
vice-virtue appear.

In most instances, all perceive objects or matters similarly, yet people of

different religion or caste understand hatred-shame-fear-vice-virtue
differently and respond accordingly. Is the reason thereof their senses, or
their kalpana the reason? Nothing but differences in kalpana causes the eight
bondages (race, religion, shame, hatred, envy etc.) to surface. Can one attain
liberation if they don’t tear asunder their bondages? When one has nothing
akin to these eight bondages, then irrespective of the religion or caste to
which they belong, none can be bonded; rather all are liberated.

The only reason why forms of knowledge are becoming infinite and are
differently understood is because of feelings of vice-virtue; therefore, as long
as knowledge has infinite forms, sadhana and the means of attaining
liberation will remain infinite; neither the worshipped object, nor can Guru
be taken to be Singular.

As it’s impossible to imagine at the U-kaar ghaat of Hum, this state is the
same in all, but when one resort to kalpana, the reality of Guru no longer
remains Guru-like but becomes kalpana-born and infinite whereby Guru is
then viewed according to their own kalpana, and kriya in their body also
becomes similar; say when one sees the termite-clad body of Rishi Balmiki in
the form of a tiger, or a ghost instead of banyan tree, kriya in their body
causes one to panic; similarly, body-kriya emerging from kalpana-born Guru
can only accord to kalpana. Kriya akin to true Self cannot at all arise.

I now advise you to understand kalpanas are ‘kalpana’ and act accordingly, or
else, shun all your kalpana-born associations and associate only with Guru;
other than these two methods, there is no other method. Choose what you
like. Proceed accordingly.

Kalpanas caused the Pranav sound (the state of Aum) to split and got
replaced by U-kaar of Hum. The form of knowledge at the U-kaar ghaat is
inseparable from sound ‘U’, that is, U-kaar being difference-free, true Self
experiences only true Self. In the subsequent states, deficiency in knowledge
changes this state and causes dualities from which give arise to kalpanas.
Kalpana-born ‘I’ gradually splits into knower and knowable-object, and a
change in knowledge makes it feel that knowledge is separate from the
knower. Kalpana-born ‘I’ of knowledge becomes the ‘knower’ of knowable
objects and manifests as three entities (1) knowledge, (2) knower and (3)
knowable-object. In course of time, the form of knowledge cannot even
understand what ‘understanding’ is!

When the senses perceive objects in their gross forms, the form of
knowledge remains object-like, but vibration of the kalpana-born ‘I’ causes
‘what’ and ‘why’ to arise, and by replacing their object-reality, kalpanas
derange knowledge. Answers that are heard or imagined in response to
‘what’ and ‘why’ further change these vibration, and the state that emerges
there from is what present ‘understanding’ is!

How can my advice benefit you? Kalpanas being the core of your
understanding, you cannot understand the essence of any advice.
Kalpana-born reality cannot understand any reality, yet the heart of none is
ready to accept, “I cannot understand”.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (F)
==========

LETTER NO: 4:9

At present, I understand and explain by my understanding, therefore, I find

loads of troubles arising from understanding, but do I at all know the reality
of my ‘understanding’? Do I know who am I?

When I search for an answer, my present understanding understands that

‘understanding’ has no form in the absence of object-knowledge; the state of
sleep and unconsciousness is its glaring proof; while I’m asleep or
unconscious, neither is there any ‘I’ nor is there any understanding. It also
comes into our knowledge that with a change in knowable-objects, the form
of my knowledge or understanding changes and will continue to change, and
with it, my ‘I’ will also change.

Imaginative differences of
anger-happiness-distress-sex-greed-compassion-piety bring about a change
in knowledge and in my ‘I’. When I’m angry, I shall not even hesitate to
murder; is then there any feeling of good-bad in me? Do I then feel that this
is an act of crime or is unjust? After my anger subsides, do I ever feel that my
actions of the state of anger were just? Is the form of love and compassion
the same as that of hatred or jealousy? With a change of knowable-objects,
the form of my knowledge and my ‘I’ always changes, and my duty or
non-duty and right-wrong also changes. It is because of knowable-objects
that the feeling of ‘I’ or an imagined ‘I’ enters into me, that is, if I trace the
form of ‘I’ or of my knowledge, I shall find that my ‘I’ is similar to
object-knowledge in knowledge. In particular, since the form of my
knowledge changes with a change in objects, I must admit that I imagine an
imaginary ‘I’ corresponding to knowable-objects whereby my understanding
becomes similar to object-knowledge.

It is only after knowledge gets transformed like corresponding objects that an

‘I’ is imagined; in the absence of knowable-objects, there’s no ‘I’. Before ‘I’ is
imagined, knowledge and knowable-objects are not experienced as being
‘separate’; say when we are deeply engrossed in anything (solving a puzzle),
the form of knowledge becomes the same as that object, but the moment I
imagine an ‘I’, the form ceases to be object-like; rather at one time it is
experienced according to ‘I’, and at another time, according to that object.
Later, the blending of ‘I’ with ‘objects’ causes a third or new type of
understanding whereby I understand ‘I’ in this accord. It is in this manner that
the three states of (1) knowledge (2) knower and (3) knowable-objects
manifest.

Before an imagined ‘I’ surfaces, there’s no difference between knowledge

and knowable-objects. Only when ‘I’ is imagined that knowledge and
knowable-objects become separate, and illusions or kalpanas enter into
knowledge. In this manner, differences in knowable-objects are regularly
bringing about a change in both knowledge and the knower ‘I’, and the state
in which one then resides is taken as correct. In a state of illusion or kalpana,
nothing but this is correct!

Since illusions cannot stabilize, it makes one compare good with bad, vice
with virtue and the like for which kalpanas arise. Habitual samskaars that are
firmly bonded in us are compared and good-bad, vice-virtue are decided, that
is, the form of understanding or of ‘I’ that emerges from kalpana or
knowable-objects is taken as correct and becomes the basis for deciding
right-wrong or to act or abstain.

In this situation, unless a change of knowledge or understanding or ‘I’ is

brought about by changing knowable-objects, any understanding is futile. My
present ‘I’ manifests from change in knowable-objects, and whatever this ‘I’
understands is taken as correct; therefore, any attempt to change my
right-wrong without bringing about a change in the form of my ‘I’ is futile.
Will a thief understand the vice of theft, or can an angry person understand
the vice of anger if the form of their ‘I’ or ‘knowledge’ remains unchanged?
That animals and similar species have a fixed form of ‘I’ or knowledge
explains why these species neither understand nor can be made to
understand anything beyond their form; this is why none tries to make
animals understand.

If a temporary change of your kalpanas or knowable-objects changes your ‘I’

or knowledge only temporarily, then whatever that got firmly bonded in you
through habitual practices will again make your form as it was by taking the
temporary changed form as ‘unreal’.

As such, it is necessary to do vichar and realize that (1) my present ‘I’ has no
reality but is a mere kalpana (2) I imagine an imagined ‘I’ because of
object-knowledge in knowledge and (3) my imagined ‘I’ being unreal, it can
only accord with my kalpana. This will prove that (a) knowable-objects have
no form or reality and (b) opposite knowledge comes into my knowledge
because illusions make me understand knowable-objects. Had
knowable-objects and my kalpana-born ‘I’ been real, it would not be possible
for me to have opposite knowledge; say I may imagine someone to be the
all-in-all of my life, but when this kalpana of mine changes, my knowledge
becomes opposite and may not even hesitate to murder that person.

As long as attachment-detachment cause a form of ‘I’ or of knowledge to

arise, till then no other form of ‘I’ or knowledge can be traceable; in spite of
this, will we not agree that nothing but kalpanas is making us take objects as
‘real’ and ‘correct’?

Not to understand that understanding has no reality, but is the product of

kalpanas is an illusion. Illusions are the root cause which gives rise to ‘I’ and
are bringing about a change in ‘my’. What of doubt is there that as long there
is illusion, I’ll take the form of ‘I’ emerging there from as correct?

The form of knowledge emerging from illusions or what manifests from

objects splits into three and is imagined as (1) knowledge (2) knower and (3)
knowable-object. In the state of kalpana, it’s impossible for my imaginative
categorized knowledge that split into three to understand the Singular state.
It’s impossible for an ‘I’ who created an ‘I’ to agree to set aside ‘I’, because
the moment imaginative ‘I’ is set aside, nothing remains in me (this is why,
only imaginative understanding or my ‘I’, and not the knowledge of true Self
comes into my knowledge). What then is sadhana? Who then is the entity
that is worshipped?

Since my childhood, my ‘I’ underwent so many changes and is now residing in

its present state, but my past form being absent at present, I don’t
understand what I then experienced, or how I got changed. Nothing of
past-future is in my knowledge, yet I imagine my past-future and believe that
I understand those states. If at all I could really understand my past, I could
easily understand how my past ‘I’ changed to arrive at my present ‘I’. When I
was a child, I played with clay pots and did not differentiate even a chandal
(people of the lowest caste usually engaged in cremation); the moment
someone of my age appeared, I became ecstatic and started playing with that
child; other than craving for food, I never ever imagined of sex. Where has
that ‘I’ of my childhood gone? Even my kalpana cannot trace my old ‘I’. My ‘I’,
being the product of my kalpana has no reality other than kalpana; therefore,
my ‘I’ cannot understand, nor will ever understand any reality. This ‘I’ cannot
and can never understand true Self, nor can it stabilize other than by
imagining; this is why, ‘I’ is always engrossed in kalpanas and changes with its
change.

True Self of the state of ‘U’ of Hum had no reality other than own state or
vibration got changed with changing kalpanas and acquired infinite forms.
Each form takes its corresponding form as ‘correct’, and any form that’s
different from it as ‘incorrect’. Imaginations have reduced me to such a state
that all my correct-incorrect are now at sixes and sevens.

Only in Guru-ghaat is one’s state inseparable from the state of true Self
whereby the imaginative ‘I’ gets negated, and the three entities of
knowledge, knower and knowable-objects become Singular; therefore, if I
search true Self without residing in Guru-ghaat, I shall not find true Self,
rather land up finding an imagined ‘I’. Imagined ‘I’ can obliterate only when
my kalpanas disappear.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (F)
=========

LETTER NO: 4:10

If we think of it deeply, we’ll find that knowledge has, and had in the past, a
state that underwent change that caused desires or cravings to arise. If you
say that the soul or knowledge was, and is always riddled with desires or
cravings, it’s your duty to accept that such a desire cannot be for any ‘object’.
It’s impossible for the soul to crave an object if that ‘object’ is not in its
knowledge; therefore, it’s erroneous to state that the soul or knowledge
craves ‘objects’.

On the other hand, it’s not possible for the soul or knowledge to crave
anything which It never experienced; therefore, Soul, at one time, must have
resided in the desire-free state, and only when objects, or what I call ‘objects’
surfaced therein that the desire-free state of true Self got changed, and gave
rise to desires. There’s not an iota of doubt that in the absence of the state or
knowledge of true Self, desires can arise only in order to attain the state of
true Self, in other words, the absence of the state of true Self is what led to
desires, and this is why desires are arising.

The soul opted for a human body for no reason other than to attain the state
of true Self; therefore, we must unhesitatingly accept that human body
accords with human desires; this is why, if any organ of a body is missing
(becomes handicapped), feelings of shortcoming of the missing organ
immediately arise, but those who have all their organs have no such feeling.
If knowledge does not have knowledge of, or is ignorant of the reason why
desires surface, illusions will obstruct it from understanding that the only
reason why desires arise is for attaining true Self, this is why, although all our
actions are directed towards mitigating desires, these have in no way been
able to diminish desires, rather desires kept on increasing.

That all means employed to satisfy sense-related kalpanas have not been
able to mitigate desires can be easily understood if we analyse world history,
but even after witnessing this failure, all are treading the same path. Is this
not illusion! None has at any age, time, or by any method been able to satisfy
desires, rather desires increased by leaps and bounds, yet none pursues
anything but the material. Is this not the symptom of being blinded by
attachment!

However, we cannot by any means accept that human body that was taken to
satisfy desires has no such capacity. Had the ‘Object’ which made the soul
opt for a human body not been in the body, desires could not at all have
arisen, that is, when knowledge is unaware of the desired ‘Object’, the desire
for attaining that object cannot surface (the desire to attain true Self is always
ingrained in a human body). A breast-fed baby, when dehydrated, becomes
restless and starts crying, and though the baby is unaware of the reason for
restlessness, that baby will relax only when liquid is fed to them. Is there any
doubt about it? Babies need not know that intake of liquid will replenish the
shortage of liquid in their body; similarly, human beings need not know that
knowledge of true Self will negate all their shortcoming of knowledge
whereby Knowledge will become complete (all cravings will halt).

We can clearly experience that the means to overcome the shortcoming of

knowledge is present in our knowledge, because by thinking of
Guru-thoughts, or by adopting a method by which the state of ‘U’ of Hum is
attained, this shortcoming disappears. Our knowledge practically experiences
that when objects come into contact with the senses or the organs of
karmas, then desires multiply, and ultimately forces people to depart from
this world with loads of unfulfilled desires. Only when a change in knowledge
is brought about can practical realization dawn that one (material thoughts)
causes desires to increase, whereas the other (Guru-thoughts) negates
desires.

Human body is for fulfilling a specific purpose (of gaining knowledge of true
Self); if this purpose is not fulfilled, the very purpose of assuming a body is
defeated. What lacks in human body is ‘knowledge’, and knowledge being
omnipresent, all body-forms have the capacity mitigate the deficiency of their
knowledge.

You may object that it’s not possible for animal and similar species to have
Guru-thoughts. This is correct, and this is why, the law of nature, by its own
nature, causes gradual elevation of the animal species. When a species has
the capacity to judge, but it does not make judgement (animals and similar
species do not make any judgement), then the law of nature, by itself, makes
knowledge reside in a non-judgemental body (say of animals) that
automatically gets elevated. The state plagued with shortcoming also has the
capacity to overcome this shortcoming. Had people no capacity to mitigate
cravings or desires, no craving could then have arisen. The fact remains, our
present actions (other than attaining true Self) cannot in any way satisfy our
desires.
Guru-thoughts and doing Mool-mantra can fulfil the purpose (attaining the
state of Self) for which human body was opted, but if illusions make us think
that the purpose of body is different, we’ll remain lost in illusions.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8(B)
=========

LETTER NO: 4:11

Samskaars with which we are born in this world are the karmas that we
perform; this explains why, none thinks of the consequence of their
samskaar-born karmas; rather take whatever sense-knowledge makes us
understand as correct. It’s impossible for anyone to get attached to any
karma opposite to this. Does anyone enjoy doing anything they dislike?

Since understanding keeps on changing by day and by night, there must be

some entity that is bringing about these changes; if not, why do changes
occur? Present knowledge understands that ‘motion’ brings about a change
in understanding, and what emerges with a change in motion or vibration
becomes correct. The understanding of persons-objects-matters remains
ingrained in such a ‘correct’ understanding, but when we understand
persons-objects-matters, our heart does not understand that this is resulting
from vibration.

Attraction-repulsion is what causes differences in understanding, but do we

understand that our understanding cannot change unless attraction-repulsion
brings about a change? Should we want to experience, we can indeed
experience this, but instead, we’ll fall back on the changed state arising from
attraction-repulsion as correct.

Without realizing that kriya of the tongue makes us taste sour-bitter-sweet,

and the kriya of touch makes us experience pain on getting burnt by fire, we
accept that words such as ‘sour’, ‘bitter’ ‘sweet’ and ‘pain’ are accurate
enough to make us experience these. Sense-knowledge can be realized to be
nothing but kriya-difference if we perceive only by the senses (without
invoking kalpana), but because we understand by language-based kalpanas,
and take these as correct, we only experience kalpana-like; this is why, our
wrong understanding is not realizing that a change in kriya is what is causing
changes to occur. Kriya changes with a change of knowable-object whereby a
change in knowledge occurs; therefore, if one does not realize that kriya is
the cause of a change in knowledge, the changed state that arises from kriya
will naturally be taken as correct. Since everything of mine revolves around
kriya-based understanding, I continue to dwell within the maze of my
understanding, and will continue to do so in future.

‘Knowledge’ is the only entity that views-hears-touches and experiences

kriya. Knowledge is experiencing differently through different senses.
Difference in kriya is what activities of the eyes, ears and other organs are
differing; difference in kriya is what is undoubtedly causing a foetus in an
embryo to go through various stages. Only because kriya-based organs come
into contact with knowledge does knowledge see and hear etc. differently.
The glow of fire is seen differently through a piece of coloured glass and
appears to be red or blue according to the colour of that glass; similarly,
when objects sometimes appear to be yellow in colour (when suffering from
jaundice) and sometimes to be double instead of one are also because of
kriya-difference. By day and by night, nothing but kriya is causing a change in
perceptions of hearing-seeing-tasting.

In spite of this, because of our illusion that we correctly understand

persons-objects-matters by resorting to kalpana of language-based words, it
does not come into the knowledge of our knowledge that kriya is causing all
changes and we’re not experiencing akin to sense-born experience. In trying
to experience sense-like by taking resort of words of language, I only
experience word-based experience, not sense-born perception; this is why,
I’m unable to experience the experiencing entity Self. Awareness comes into
us through knowledge, but when I try to understand this by resorting to
kalpana, I feel that I cannot understand anything without kalpana. I’ve landed
in such a state that whatever I’m doing by day and by night is done only by
resorting to kalpana.

Should I introspect, I’ll find that my ‘I’ is a bundle of feelings, and are nothing
but kalpanas; the moment I set aside my feelings or language-based
kalpanas, my ‘I’ will cease to exist. Although my kalpanas are my own
creation, yet these made me land in such a state that the moment I leave
aside my kalpanas, my ‘I’ seems to crumble. In a situation where my ‘I’
ceases when illusions cease, illusions have now become my reality.

Is then there any means other than Guru? Unless one takes Guru-thoughts
that negate illusive thoughts as the ‘Treasure of Thoughts’ or the ‘Treasure of
my Heart’ or the ‘All-in-All’, they’ll undoubtedly invite disaster. By day and by
night, I’m thinking of ways to cement in you the knowledge,
‘I-am-yours-and-shall-remain-yours’, ‘You-are-mine-and-remain-mine’. Imbibe
the belief that what I say to you is for you alone, that I am praan of Praan
whom Praaan loves. Make sure you’re not deceived. Do not get trapped even
unknowingly; if deceptions do not deceive you, then irrespective of the
situation in which you find yourself in, you needn’t fear.

Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)

========

LETTER NO: 4:12

I haven’t come across anyone having material desires or residing in the

material happy or content and none can ever be. Given that the soul is
non-material, nothing but the ‘material’ is causing agonies.
The influence of nature caused the soul to lose its state of Self, and in order
to get back to Self, the soul acquired a sense-based body, and being pure and
unblemished, any sense-matter does not find place in Soul; if it does, why
doesn’t sense-knowledge stabilize in the soul? If the five types of perceptions
that arise through the five senses is the reality of knowledge, why are
kalpanas required to stabilize sense-perceptions in knowledge. Other than for
acquiring the knowledge of true Self, it’s not possible for kalpanas to arise in
the soul.

In its illusion, the soul acquired the senses for gaining knowledge of Self, but
since sense-knowledge or any portion does not resemble or is akin to true
Self, sense-knowledge does not stabilize in the soul; rather by thinking of
opposites, infected kalpanas take infectious non-Self and sense-knowledge as
true Self and correct. Had sense-knowledge been correct, the soul would
have taken sense-knowledge as correct, but what we find is that when the
ears-eyes and other organs come into contact with
sound-touch-sight-taste-smell, knowledge, in its illusion, temporarily
understands sense perceptions as ‘correct’ and gets changed, but when
sense-illusions get negated, or the soul loses contact with sense-objects, that
sense-perception does not remain in knowledge implies that knowledge of
persons-objects that arise through temporary contact with the senses is not
of persons-objects. The cause of such illusions is the senses, but since we
take the senses as correct, these become correct; when the senses are
alienated, that ‘correct’ ceases to be ‘correct’ (say when the eyes see a horse
and do not see thereafter, then the sight of horse disappears from sight and
is only imagined).

Knowledge of true Self being deficient in the soul, it takes unreal

sense-knowledge, albeit temporarily, as real, and in order to stabilize the
feeling of true Self believes that understanding language-based
sound-touch-sight-taste-smell is accurate enough. As the soul becomes
restless, it starts resorting to kalpana and becomes illusive whereby the form
of sense-knowledge gets distorted. All thoughts and vichars of the distorted
brain of a drunken person can only be distorted; similarly, nothing in the state
of illusion can be correct but is illusion; even the desire to eat arises from
illusions. In the state of intense attachment, a child illusively takes a snake to
be food; similarly, when the soul comes into contact with the senses and gets
afflicted by sense-illusions, then in this state of attachment, it feels that its
understanding accords with its senses. Even kalpanas being sense-based, it’s
not even possible to imagine in the absence of the senses; as such, at the
root of all kalpanas are the senses.

The mind may imagine sense-related matters, but kalpanas are vastly
different from sense-knowledge. You can easily understand this if you
compare sense-perceptions with kalpana. Only in my state of wrong do I
illusively understand kalpanas as right. Nothing but my kalpanas makes me
understand the ‘wrong’ as ‘right’.

Further, since I understand kalpanas as ‘kalpana’ only by resorting to

kalpana, my understanding of ‘kalpana’ is merely a kalpana. Factually, since
you don’t understand kalpanas as ‘kalpana’, but say that you understand the
wrong, how can you get attracted to the ‘wrong’? Your understanding of
‘wrong’ is itself wrong. All right-wrong being kalpana-born, even your ‘I’ will
cease to exist when you leave aside your kalpanas. By invoking
language-based kalpanas in order to keep intact sense-knowledge, one does
not understand even sense-akin correct; rather they understand merely
kalpanas.

In order to understand that imaginings differ from sense-knowledge, your

senses must compare the difference between words which you use to hold
on to sense-objects with your sense-perceptions, that is, only when you
experience this difference by pure sense perception will you correctly realize
kalpanas as ‘kalpana’; but if you understand kalpanas as ‘kalpana’ by
resorting to kalpana, then imaginings will only be proved right. When I try to
understand kalpanas as wrong by a kalpana-born right ingrained in me, I shall
understand the correct as ‘incorrect’. This is what’s actually happening.
The necessity to keep my sense-knowledge intact made me take resort of
kalpana; similarly, only when I feel the necessity to understand kalpanas as
‘kalpana’ will my senses make me understand the reality of kalpana and treat
these as such.

We observe that when our knowledge becomes illusive in the state of

illusion, we don’t require any persons-objects for illusions to appear; rather
illusive knowledge itself misperceives a piece of rope in place of a snake.
Knowledge becomes illusive through sense-contact, and when knowledge
becomes illusive, it sees a ghost in place of a banyan tree; therefore, illusions
are sense-based.

It is the senses that cause knowledge to manifest, and because of taking

sense-knowledge as correct, knowledge manifests in knowledge. In order to
keep sense-knowledge in memory, we resort to kalpanas, but the senses
themselves experience that kalpanas are no substitute to sense-like
perceptions. When we understand the shortcomings of kalpanas by our
senses, and not by resorting to kalpana can our knowledge realize these
being ‘kalpanas’ and treat these accordingly; but if you merely resort to
kalpana in order to understand kalpana, you cannot understand kalpanas as
‘kalpana’. In a state of intense attachment, you can understand only wrong as
‘right’, but not right as ‘right’. Is it right to understand ‘right, or to understand
‘wrong’? If understanding ‘right’ is right, I must accept that since it is by a
wrong method my wrong understanding understands ‘right’, I’m
understanding only the ‘wrong’ as ‘right’.

The impatience and agitation in me proves that my heart is restless to attain

a particular state that is ‘Right’. Had there been no state as ‘Right, I could not
have been restless. However, since I do not have the samskaars that can
make me think of anything opposite to the samskaars that are firmly bonded
in me, I’m unable to think of this ‘Right. Thus I’m left with no option other
than making the soul content by consuming and experiencing objects
opposite to my true Self. This often makes me think, ‘Why am I resorting to
kalpanas?’ ‘What am I doing?’

The firm belief from the core of our heart that words of language make us
understand correctly, we’ve brought our understanding down to such a level
that we don’t even hesitate to explain the opposite correct of what we
understand as correct. In such a state, can the desire to understand Truth can
kindle in us? Can we understand this?

By hook or by crook, my understanding understands non-existing

knowable-objects as ‘objects’, and on this basis I declare ‘I understand’.
Nothing but your knowledge is deceiving you and making you believe that
you understand. Now see how far your understanding has drifted away from
your true Self! Only when your understanding tries to understand this can
you easily understand.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)
==========

LETTER NO: 4:13

From: Rangamati ; Saturday, 7th August, 1915

Everything of this world is going through a change, say human beings are
witnessing changes in themselves, and their knowable-objects are changing;
plants and trees, rivers, mountains, the sun and moon, stars, planets and
sub-planets are gradually changing, and in a flash are taking up changed
forms. This creation as well as human beings are changing and both the
viewer and viewed are changing like darting arrows rushing in the tumult of
torrential current. This makes me think, ‘What will be its final result? Where
will all land?’ The only conclusion that comes into my mind is, ‘All changeable
objects being temporal can only merge into the infinity of time’.
It appears that the only unchangeable thing in this changeable world is
human knowledge and their understanding. Human beings see with their
eyes, hear by their ears, and by their nature, give birth to offspring; all think
of food and sex; the basic elements of space-fire-water-earth are the same,
that is, water always remains ‘water’ and air-sky always remains ‘air-sky’.
Though human body comprising of five elements changes, yet gets reborn as
a baby with a nose, mouth and similar other organs, that is, other than any
minor difference, the form of human beings can be said to remains
unchanged. In spite of all changes, none eats with their nose, nor smells by
their mouth, nor hears by their eyes. Hence, though all objects are
changeable, knowledge has knowledge of many things that don’t change or
don’t get destroyed.

Who brings about a change in this body of five elements? We find that
wherever there is a ‘change’, there definitely is kriya or energy; no change
can occur without kriya. By the law of nature, as long as there is
fire-water-air, these cannot extinguish, but will remain in different
energy-forms; this is why, any change in fire-water-air does not come into our
awareness.

One question arises, ‘When everything including persons and objects is

merely categorized energy, why are persons-objects getting changed?’ By the
law of nature, where there is kriya, there inevitably is change. Our knowledge
illusively believes that fire-water-air does not change, but this is only because
our knowledge cannot comprehend fire-water-air in their larger context, that
is, only when anything is perceived in their larger context can their change
come into knowledge; say I often see a river where there was earlier a town.
Only when we understanding anything without employing our five senses
does confusions appear and changes elude our awareness.

It is ‘mind’ that makes us understand ‘persons’ and ‘objects’, but mind not
being a natural object without any reality, it does not come into the
knowledge of our knowledge that plants-trees, human beings, worms and
insects are products of ‘vibration’. In reality, this world is the product of
vibration. If we accept that vibration on ether is the root cause for which
persons-objects and everything of this world manifest, we must also accept
that nothing but vibration or energy is bringing about ‘change’. Mud is the
root from which humans shape pots, bowls, images and other articles;
similarly, energy is the root from which ‘differences’ or ‘categories’ arise.
Since body is formed from blood and sperm and subsists on vegetables and
edibles that we eat, body is also a changed state of all that we eat; therefore,
we must admit that nothing but energy (kriya) causes changes in body, but
strangely, knowledge does not understand that this visible world is the
product of energy (kriya) or a changed state of existence. I’ve told you earlier
that ‘I’ is also kriya-based and is a mere puppet of energy.

Why is kriya or energy not coming into my awareness? The reason is that
when anything is not the subject matter of one’s knowledge, they cannot
understand that thing. Had kriya or energy been the subject of my
knowledge, I would have understood kriya or energy; say when the presence
of bacteria in water or air was not in knowledge, we said, ‘There is no such
thing as bacteria’, but when this came into knowledge with the help of a
microscope, we accepted, ‘Bacteria is present in air-water-earth’. Knowledge
manifests only when anything comes within the ambit or contact with the
five senses; therefore, only when kriya or energy becomes the subject of my
knowledge can I understand where my present state is heading towards.

I may not understand my different states, but since knowledge corresponding

to gross motion is in me, I do understand, ‘I’m today in Rangamati, tomorrow
in Delhi, Calcutta or Lahore’. Since I’m unaware that the influence of energy is
always changing my ‘I’, it gives me a feeling that I’m unchanged, in other
words, I believe that my ‘I’ of the state of sickness is the same as that of my
healthy state, or that of thirst. I’m unaware that I’m getting changed with a
change in my state.
I’m unaware of the kriya from which I evolved and will ultimately perish, or of
the influence of that which is causing understandings to arise in me, or of the
force or basis of my existence, or how knowledge and understanding by
which my perceptions of seeing-hearing and so on are always materializing.
That energy is generating from the flow of blood in the body, yet I’m unaware
of this energy implies that I’m totally blind relating to energy or kriya. I’m
mistaking a bundle of kriyas to be a human being, or a cow, or goat and such
other species. Since sense-knowledge or the tool by which I perceive
emerges from flesh and blood, even sense-knowledge is the product of the
same energy.

My kriya-based knowledge is not dependant on persons or objects for

corresponding knowledge to manifest in me; neither can I view
persons-objects in the absence of kriya in the eyes, nor can I experience taste
unless there is particular vibration of the tongue. Kriya of corresponding
persons-objects being the cause of knowledge, vibrations of persons-objects
naturally come into my knowledge, but only the knowledge of
object-knowledge come into knowledge, and not that of vibration? This is
because, knowledge of ‘persons-objects’ is so firmly ingrained in us makes it
impossible to understand ‘vibration’. Let us now do vichar how vibrations or
categorized energy could strongly root in us the knowledge of
persons-objects.

Sounds like ‘A’ ‘E’ ‘U’ are the products of vibration; in fact, no sound is
possible without vibration. In the absence of vibration that’s required to
induce a particular sound, that sound is not produced; similarly, the
knowledge of a particular body cannot arise in the absence of the body-form
required for knowledge of that body to manifest. If the reason for which a
particular knowledge surfaces is lacking, that knowledge cannot surface, that
is, knowledge that surfaces from an object cannot possibly surface in the
absence of that object; say the knowledge that surfaces when milk or yogurt
is perceived by the senses will not surface in the absence of milk or yogurt,
and practically it does not.
Only when one becomes aware that object-knowledge cannot surface in the
absence of corresponding objects can they understand kriya or energy. But
my feeling, ‘I’ll become helpless without objects’ forced me to devise a
method, even in the absence of persons-objects, to keep these in memory by
resorting to kalpana of words of language. The quest for acquiring the
knowledge of true Self arises from necessity. I’m aware that I cannot acquire
this knowledge if I do not feel it necessary, yet in trying to keep the
knowledge of true Self in memory, I started resorting to kalpana of words of
language. The only reason why we resort to kalpana of words is to retain
objects in memory, but kalpanas can never give rise to object-born
perception. When we say ‘hururu’, it does not convey anything because no
object-knowledge arises in sense-knowledge; the word ‘sour’ does not make
our sense perceive sour taste; kriya of sight cannot experience the feeling of
touch. Sound gives rise to particular vibration; therefore, to believe that
sound-vibration gives rise to object-knowledge is illusion! Since vibration
corresponding to persons-objects cannot arise in their absence, language has
no capacity to generate vibration similar to persons-objects in their absence;
therefore, resorting to kalpana of words of language for retaining objects in
memory is mere illusion! Our knowledge is aware that ‘sound’ is different
from ‘sight’, that is, sound-vibration are not sight-vibration, but since the
purpose of kalpana is to retain non-soul persons-objects or knowable-objects
in memory, we illusively believe that this is so, or that it can be so.

Form-based persons-objects are non-soul products, but believing that

non-soul products will satisfy wants, the soul wants to retain non-soul
products in the form of persons-objects. A hungry person in a jungle devours
poisonous food to satisfy hunger, but instead of satisfying hunger, that person
dies a premature death; similarly, the soul tries to satisfy wants through
non-soul objects, but instead of getting satisfied, wants go on increasing.

The soul, driven by wants, assumed the form of a body, and being so
imprisoned in a body, became so illusive that it even forgot which tool gives
rise to which understanding. A particular sense-organ can and gives rise only
to a particular understanding, but to believe that we can understand
perception of one sense-organ through a different sense-organ (perceive
sight by hearing) is illusion! When one believes that sight can be perceived by
hearing, they forget that each sense-organ perceives only what is appropriate
for its own domain. Although words fall only within the domain of the ears,
yet one’s mind illusively starts believing that all perceptions can be
experienced by hearing, that is, they forget what the senses can naturally
perceive. ‘Mind’ being a bundle of words of language and kalpana-based is a
mere reflection of one’s kalpana.

Once I become dependent on my kalpanas, neither can I understand my state

prior to becoming imaginative, nor what my language-free state will be like.
As I resort to kalpana, neither I can set aside my language-based kalpanas
nor understand that I was kalpana-free prior to my imaginative state; in fact, I
cannot understand anything at all. Human beings got so trapped in kalpanas
that they cannot understand that it’s possible to exist without invoking
kalpana. Human beings are no longer human beings! A spider builds a shelter
to live in, but not finding a way out, it gets trapped; similarly, kalpanas have
entrapped human beings to such an extent that, other than by resorting to
kalpana, they cannot understand or see anything. All have lost their
knowledge of true Self only because of their kalpanas.

When you cannot determine even the reality of your own true Self, how can
you determine the reality of others? Since you have no reality, you cannot
understand any reality nor can your mind trace true Self, that is, you’ve
become deranged like a drunk who takes everything deranged as true or
correct; this is why, you understand the correct Self as incorrect. You cannot
understand the kalpana-free state because you’re taking kalpanas as true or
correct; for you, the knowledge of true Self can only be false and mere
kalpana. Since your present form is composed of kalpanas, what you now
understand as real-correct-true can only be false and kalpana. Nothing that
you now understand can make you illusion-free. Can decisions taken on the
basis of illusive understanding at all be non-illusive? What you take to be true
Self is actually a reflection of non-Self; the state of true Self being beyond
kalpana cannot come into your kalpana-born illusive knowledge. This
explains why scriptures assert ‘He’ is ‘abag manas gocharam’ (beyond mind
and thought).

What your mind presently understands as ‘correct’ can only be ‘incorrect’.

Even in the absence of any other persons, a mad person goes on shouting,
“He is chasing me, He is beating me”; similarly, in your illusion, you take true
Self to be non-Self and non-Self to be true Self! When you’re ignorant of
what actual ‘Right’ is, how will you understand which object yields pleasure
and which yields distress? A blind person is afraid of a tiger, yet moves in the
direction of the tiger’s mouth; similarly, you’re drowning in attachment, yet
your attachment is making you believe that you’ll become attachment-free!

Illusions make you think that your wife and sons are ‘yours’, while their needs
make them think that you are ‘theirs’. Your purpose as well as the purpose of
all is to fulfil own requirements; none loves others for any other reason. It is
illusion that makes you believe that you love them for their sake, and they
love you for yours. Although your understanding is flawed, nature will not
change. By no means can you deny that you’re attracted to those ‘others’
only for becoming happy, not distressed; if not, why do you get separated
from wife and sons when they cannot make you happy? You’ve lost all your
capacity to accept the reality of Truth. You are afflicted with changes; this is
why, wants are arising, and you’re distressed. You’re drowning in kalpanas
which are making you believe that your wife-sons will make you
uninterruptedly happy. You do not understand sorrows because you do not
imagine anything corresponding to sorrow, but even if you do not imagine
anything of sorrow, you cannot abstain from experiencing sorrows; say
irrespective of whether or not you understand fire, you’ll get burnt the
moment you come into contact with fire. Become attachment-free, otherwise
you’ll inevitably suffer.
You’ve become so deranged that you become happy merely by doing kalpana
of language-based want-negating words! If kalpana-born objects can at all
make you happy, why are you again becoming distressed? Since kalpanas and
not objects are making one happy, will not those taking kalpanas as
happiness end up with anything but distress? Whatever your kalpana makes
you take to be happiness-providing objects becomes your cherished objects,
but the moment you set aside language, you cannot even think of these or
even your own existence. Your knowledge is unaware how your attachments
are making you blind; therefore, what of right-wrong can you decide? Given
that one sense-organ cannot perceive the activity of a different sense=organ,
what can words of language make you understand the reality either of
kalpana or of Truth?

Maharshi Ved Byas enquired from his Guru Maharshi Goutam, ‘What is the
way out for attachment-blinded persons?’ In reply, he advised,
‘Guru-thoughts which negate sense-samskaars are the only means’. Once you
attain U-kaar ghaat by Guru-thoughts, Guru will take you to M-kaar;
therefore, if you want to set aside your samskaars or kalpanas, you must
engage in Guru-thoughts. When Guru-thoughts in gross body-form result in
Guru-japa and negate samskaars, then mind will dissipate and reach U-kaar;
this is why, the sound ‘Guru’ is called Mantra Rajamidam (the king of
mantras). It is your mind that is misleading and infesting you with dualities;
confusing you what you should perform or abstain; causing dualities of
vice-virtue to arise in you; making you understand difference between ‘my’
and ‘others’; bothering others for your benefit; taking ‘understanding’ to be
‘non-understanding’ and ‘true’ to be ‘false’; obstructing you from
understanding what actual Truth is! Since your mind dominates you, you
cannot comprehend what your form was before your present form emerged.
You cannot understand anything, rather everything is beyond your
understanding, yet you claim, ‘I-understand everything’! You’ve become so
crazy that you’re not content merely by understanding, but shamelessly go
around explaining to others! How will an illusory person such as you
understand ‘That’ who is beyond mind and thought?
Since you cannot by any means exist without language, make it your duty to
understand that vibration which emerge from persons-objects cannot
emerge from language. Accept that you do not understand the reality of
objects; accept that persons-objects that you believe you understand are
mere kalpanas; accept that kalpanas cannot last and will inevitably be proved
false. Once kalpanas and illusions dissipate, Truth or Self will manifest by
itself.

You may question, ‘Why should I at all understand true Self’? You require
understanding true Self because there’s always a desire in you to become
happy, and even after illusively chasing this-that object, you’re still
unsatisfied; as such, know what can actually make you happy. At present,
when you’re not aware of your true Self, how will you know what will make
you happy? Your ‘I’ is false, and whatever your false intellect takes as ‘real’ is
actually ‘unreal’; this is why, your wants have not ended nor can ever end.
Depend on what your present incorrect intellect now takes as correct (now
take Guru as correct), and if you’re sincere, your kalpanas will disappear and
the reality of objects will finally dawn into your knowledge.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8(B)
========

LETTER NO: 4:14

I received two of your letters by today’s post. These were written on two
different dates. You’ve written, “I observed nature practically as you advised,
but even then, I did not gain practical knowledge”.

If you minutely observe how knowledge changes, you’ll find that it is

sense-knowledge that understands changes of this changeable world;
therefore, unless the vibration that causes change vibrates in your
knowledge, you cannot observe or understand any change.
You also observe that a change in knowledge brings about a change in
knowledge even when objects remain unchanged; say attachment makes us
see ‘vice’ as ‘virtue’ and detachment causes ‘virtue’ see as ‘vice’. When ‘X’ is
perceived as ‘Y’, it’s not because ‘X’ becomes ‘Y’; rather illusions make us see
in this manner.

Any change will not come into awareness unless corresponding vibration
brings about a change in knowledge. The above example makes it is
abundantly clear that a perceived change did not require a change in objects;
rather a change surfaced because of a change in knowledge. Any change
comes into our awareness through the senses, but sense-knowledge has no
vice-virtue, and whatever my senses perceive is for me ‘correct’. Knowledge
arising from sense-vibration will only correspond to its perception, and no
‘right-wrong’ can arise from sense-perception (fire will cause burn without
any sense of right or wrong). When my understanding is sense-based, there
cannot be any reason to understand right-wrong; rather ‘right-wrong’ or
‘vice-virtue’ that’s understood is the product of kalpana (not of the senses).

Before I resorted to kalpana by words of language (say when I was a child),

my knowledge did not understand any right-wrong and could not
differentiate even sandal paste from excreta. That I felt the necessity to
invoke kalpanas implies that I was not content with sense-knowledge;
therefore, the inability of my senses to keep sense matters in memory is why
I resorted to words of language.

What we find is that knowledge arising through words of language is unlike

knowledge that arises from sense-vibration. Perceptions of
sound-touch-sight-taste-smell are vibration-based; a change in vibration
brings about a change in knowledge whereby a change comes into the
knowledge of knowledge. Our senses understand that ‘hearing’, ‘seeing’ and
‘touching’ are different, that is, the function of one sense-organ cannot
materialize through a different organ. We must accept that only when our
natural nature gets deranged that we imagine matters relating to the other
four senses by our ears using words of language. One must invariably accept
that the senses being the only means to gain knowledge, any attempt to keep
sense-knowledge in memory by resorting to kalpana is merely an illusion.
Taking sense-objects as ‘real’ which sense-knowledge itself takes as ‘unreal’
can only be kalpana. By residing in the state of kalpana, I got transformed
and assumed the imaginative title of ‘mind’. ‘Mind’ and ‘feelings’ are merely
unexpressed words, yet I feel that my existence will crumble if I set aside my
feelings.

There definitely existed an ‘I’ and a state of mind before my present state of
kalpana surfaced, if not, who then did kalpanas? My present kalpanas cannot
imagine my state before I started doing kalpana, and if I try, it’ll only reflect
my kalpana; therefore, it’s impossible for me to understand my kalpana-free
state. My kalpanas are obstructing me from experiencing true Self and made
me so illusive that I even proclaim, ‘I-am-illusion-free’! In such a situation,
who else can be as deranged as me?

On the other hand, my senses are the only window through which I perceive,
but instead of perceiving by my senses, I do kalpana so many things and take
these as correct. Before I was born with a sense-based body, my knowledge
had the belief that my senses will be my means to gain knowledge; but
subsequently, I started adding kalpanas along with sense-knowledge.
Although I cannot do any kalpana by leaving aside my senses, yet
kalpana-born knowledge is vastly different from sense-born knowledge, but
even then, I fail to understand kalpanas as ‘kalpana’!

In this situation, only when my senses compare sense-matters with

corresponding words with which I do kalpana shall I be able to understand
kalpanas as ‘kalpapna’. Whatever is imagined are sense-matters; therefore,
when my sense-knowledge becomes aware that whatever I understand is
merely kalpana, why will I then not understand kalpanas as ‘kalpana’?
Since we understand the reality of kalpanas by resorting to kalpana, it gives
rise to the samskaar ‘Kalpana is correct’, whereby kalpanas are not taken as
wrong, that is, my present knowledge is not kalpana-born. Understanding the
wrong by resorting to kalpana is itself wrong. When I say ‘mango’, I assume
that my knowledge has the knowledge of ‘mango’, but the knowledge arising
from hearing ‘mango’ is different from what the eyes perceive, or from the
taste of mango when a piece of mango is placed on the tongue. Only when I
compare the perception of my sight-organ (eyes) and of taste-organ (tongue)
with that of hearing (ears) can it clearly dawn in my awareness that the word
‘mango’ is merely a kalpana. But since I understand ‘mango’ to be kalpana
merely by resorting to kalpana, my understanding remains imaginative
whereby I do not actually understand the reality of mango; therefore, it’s
always essential to compare words, or what we hear, with perceptions of the
other organs, and apprise ourselves of the shortcomings from its perception,
whereby kalpanas will be understood to be mere ‘kalpana’. Since none other
than you’re resorting to kalpana, and your thoughts and habits are taking
kalpanas as correct, how can you say that kalpanas are ‘kalpana’? Your
impatience and restlessness has only increased my restlessness. Neither can
understanding-born understanding, nor can your mind set right your
understanding.

‘Mind’ being a defective thing and merely samskaars of a bundle of words is

not at all true Self; rather corresponds to samskaars. While dwelling in a
non-Self state, you can understand only non-Self as Self. Since ‘words’ have
no relevance to sense-knowledge, your sense-reality is actually unreal;
therefore, while dwelling in a non-Soul state, even true Self will appear to you
to be unreal.

While I was a child, I did not imagine; therefore, I do not now understand
how I then understood; neither is my childhood now in my memory, nor can I
imagine the state of that ‘I’ who existed before I started resorting to
kalpanas, but merely understand an ‘I’ ‘Aami’ ‘Hum’ as ‘I’. When I cannot
understand the reality of even my own Self without the help of language,
then what of reality of others will I be able to understand?

Whatever one’s habitual understanding makes them understand is what their

understanding is; therefore, when they try to understand by their habitual
words that ‘Understanding is wrong’, then that understanding can only be
wrong, but even then I shall not stop from imagining, because I feel that my
existence will crumble in the absence of habitual words. The bottom line is, ‘I
cannot imagine the non-existence of my ‘I’.

In conclusion, make it your duty to understand only what your senses make
you understand, and when habits cause any word to surface in mind, then
immediately compare the difference between this ‘word’ and its
corresponding ‘sense-perception’. Only when sense-perception and vichar
make you aware that words of language are mere kalpanas can you
understand the reality of kalpana; but if you continue to understand
‘kalpana’ by means words of language, you can never understand. Words
which were taken as correct for a long time and became habitual in you will
transform your knowledge accordingly and obstruct you from gaining
knowledge of your imagination-free state. When an illusory ‘I’ claims,
‘Illusions are ‘illusions’, nothing but illusions can then be right.

Don’t ever think that I’m sitting in this Ashram for my sake, or for fulfilling my
needs; rather your language-based kalpanas are making you think in this
manner.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)

=========

LETTER NO: 4:15

You may think or understand in any manner you like, but must admit that the
hunger of the soul to acquire sense-knowledge through a sense-based body
made the soul to acquire a body-form; therefore, accept that the feeling of
necessity to acquire body-form was definitely there in the soul. If we say that
kriya caused body to manifest, even then we must accept (1) kriya akin to
body-kriya was present in the soul (2) body corresponds to kriya (3) the soul
believed it can accomplish its goal through body and (4) doing kriya of
body-kriya can help attain the knowledge of true Self.

We must also admit that the nature of soul corresponded to body-nature,

because had the soul taken activities akin to body-activities as repulsive, the
soul would not have taken a body-form. In particular, the soul takes body-akin
activities as correct; therefore, at no time can the soul take its body to be
wrong, and by becoming fully attached to body, the soul abhors getting
separated from body; this is why, living creature panic at death.

The soul takes knowledge that it acquires through the senses as correct,
because there is no other tool in the body other than the senses by which the
soul can perceive; rather perceives only what the senses perceive. The senses
are making us realize that nothing comes into the knowledge of knowledge
unless persons-objects come into contact with it, and this knowledge remains
in knowledge only as long as persons-objects remain in contact with the
senses. As long as there is this sense-knowledge, the reality of knowledge is
the same as the persons-objects that are so perceived, but when not in
contact, these do not come into the knowledge. A sight is a ‘sight’ only as
long as it is in contact with the eyes; the perception of ‘touch’ and other
perceptions come into knowledge only as long as persons or objects are in
contact with the relevant sense-organ, but not otherwise. Had the soul
desired these perceptions to remain permanently in the soul, or if kriya
which caused the soul to take up the senses had the capacity to keep these
perceptions permanently in the soul, the senses themselves would have kept
sense-knowledge permanently in the soul.

Feelings of a ‘deficiency’ resurface when persons-objects-matters lose

contact with the senses prove that the soul does not crave sense-matters,
because if the soul craved sense-matters, sense-matters would by themselves
remain permanently in the soul. That kalpana is required to keep
sense-matters in memory implies that the root cause which makes us feel
that sense-matters must be kept in memory is our own kalpana. If the soul
required sense-matters, the senses which were assumed to attain the state of
true Self would have themselves retained these.

When do we resort to kalpana? We resort to kalpana in the absence of

knowledge of true Self. As nothing comes into knowledge without
sense-knowledge, and nor is imagining possible in the absence of the senses,
it leads us to believe that sense-knowledge leads to true Self. But since the
senses lack the capacity to gain knowledge of true Self, it gives rise to
kalpana; had there been no such lack, kalpanas would not be redundant.
Since any kalpana of our deranged state can only be deranged, the
knowledge of true Self cannot by any means be attained through
sense-based kalpana. When the senses cannot help gain knowledge of true
Self, how can kalpanas achieve it?

If the senses cannot fulfil the above objective (gaining knowledge of true Self)
for which the soul assumed a sense-based body, we must accept that illusion
made the soul do so. Since sense-knowledge does not remain permanently in
the soul, we must admit that attempting to keep memories of
sense-knowledge by resorting to kalpana is all the more illusory. Trying to
retain illusions (sense-knowledge) permanently can only be due to illusive
understanding; in particular, since kalpana-born understanding is not
sense-born, it cannot, by any means, be like sense-perception; say unless
food comes in contact with the tongue, it cannot experience sour, or
pungent, or sweet by the words ‘sour’, or ‘pungent’ or ‘sweet’. We may
imagine that kalpanas will keep objects in memory permanently, but
kalpanas not being sense-born, trying to give permanency to sense-matters
by resorting to kalpana can only be wrong. My senses may only help me to
imagine, but kalpanas are different from sense-knowledge; therefore, it’s
wrong to fall back on kalpana, in other words, our wrong is trying to keep
intact only what is wrong.

I cannot resort to kalpana without sense-knowledge, but kalpanas being

different from sense-knowledge made my sense-knowledge illusive; this is
why, in my state of deep kalpana-afflicted illusion, I’m reluctant to express
anything as ‘wrong’ which I take as ‘right’. (I can advise others of the vice of
smoking yet remain addicted to smoking). By my nature, I understand only
what arises in my knowledge and take this as correct, that is, my deranged
state is what is undoubtedly making me understand or explain correct as
‘incorrect’. A deranged state is at the root of all lies, deceit and
self-centeredness; as such, nothing born of truth can manifest in knowledge
in the deranged state; rather everything is illusion-born. Advising matters of
truth to illusion-afflicted persons being a waste, it’s prohibited to give advice
of tattwa-jnan (knowledge of Truth) to any self-centred person.

Persons who do not understand the necessity of gaining the knowledge of

Truth, or who take their kalpana-born understanding to be so pressing and
necessary that they are start imagining the opposite, because they fear that
their happiness will diminish if they express their kalpana to others, that is,
those who’re not inclined to understand false as ‘false’ will not understand
the reality of ‘false’, rather end up understand false as ‘true’. There is not an
iota of doubt that at the root of all understandings is kalpana, but though one
understands that kalpana are lies, yet they feel that telling lies or acting at
the behest of lies is a better option than understanding Truth. How far is it
possible for such persons to understand Truth?

On the other hand, I observe that when I become kalpana-based, I cannot

even imagine what my form was before I resorted to kalpana, rather
understand only a kalpana-born ‘I’. Since I’m derailed, it’s impossible for me
to understand that I am derailed. While dwelling in a derailed state, I had
assumed the senses and had a strong desire to gain the knowledge of true
Self through the senses, but at present, I don’t understand even my
sense-related ‘I’. Do I dwell for most of the time in the state of true Self or of
non-Self? All cherish the state of true Self, but I cannot say that I am residing
in this state, because this cannot, by any means, materialize through the
senses.

Wants are increasing in me by leaps and bounds. The intensity of my wants is

forcing me to imagine whereby, even in the absence of objects, these come
into my awareness; prior to this, I experienced absence of any object only
after my senses stopped perceiving these. Does wants gradually increase or
decreases by resorting to kalpana? That kalpanas made us invent so many
objects (plane, train, telephone, television and the like) prove that wants
have only increased because of kalpana.

The reason why I was born was to mitigate my wants; but by resorting to
kalpanas, my wants kept on increasing to such an extent that I cannot even
imagine. Think a bit. It will easily come into your awareness that the purview
of kalpanas is limited only to kalpana-induced products and not their
essence; but by no means can I accept that the soul lacks anything imaginary,
because if Soul becomes imaginary, nothing can be real.

We further observe that the soul desires nothing but happiness, but kalpanas
cause wants to increase; therefore, it’s impossible for the soul to endorse
kalpana. Undoubtedly, the essence of the soul is happiness, and that the soul
desires nothing but happiness or bliss is axiomatic; therefore, the lack of
happiness is why the desire to become happy arises in us. Kalpana-induced
objects are incapable of providing a result akin to experiencing true Self;
rather increases deficiency in happiness. One is committing a blunder by
believing that happiness of the state of true Self can be attained by resorting
to kalpana; if true Self becomes kalpana-born, kalpanas are not all required.
Since the only reason why kalpanas arose is a perceived deficiency in the
state of true Self, any desire to gain result akin to true Self by resorting to
kalpana can only be an illusion! The aroma of musk makes a deer mad and it
runs hither-thither in search of that aroma-giving object hidden in its own
navel; similarly, on losing the state of true Self, kalpanas make the soul forget
true Self and run hither-thither.

The root cause for which knowable-objects are taken as separate from
knowledge is because our knowledge believes, ‘Knowable-objects are
separate from knowledge’. This brings in the awareness of ‘separation’
(objects are separate from true Self), and since this becomes our nature, the
awareness of ‘separation’ always remains in knowledge. In order to overcome
this, knowable-objects must be changed. If the nature of the soul is
remaining in wants, the desire to fulfil wants is undoubtedly erroneous;
therefore it’s essential to get rid of all desires and become want-free. As long
as one does kalpana, it’s impossible for them to get rid of wants. Make it your
foremost duty to shun all kalpanas.

See another thing. I believe that I can achieve everything by resorting to

kalpana; say I can become happy by dancing, by playing cards and chess, by
getting drunk, and even by consuming drugs; but when I search within
myself, I’ll find that I’m not at all happy, rather my wants have increased by
leaps and bounds. Wants which I try to eradicate are not dissipating; rather
with each kalpana, my wants are increasing. I’m moving in the direction
opposite to my cherished goal of attaining the state of true Self, yet believe
I’m becoming illusion-free!

I resort to kalpanas by employing the senses; therefore, I must now

understand kalpanas as’ kalpana’ by my senses by doing vichar about the
reality of ‘words’; but if I understand kalpanas by resorting to kalpana, then
my form can only be kalpana-born, and my understanding of ‘kalpana’ can
only be a kalpana. Don’t understand kalpana by words of language; rather
always compare those ‘words’ which arising through your senses with
corresponding (actual) sense-experience. Only when your senses experience
the differences therein (between words and actual sense-experience) will
your samskaars of kalpana dissipate and you’ll understand kalpanas as
‘kalpana’. If my kalpana-induced state now tries to imagine whether it’s
possible to understand ‘kalpana’ by comparing words with
sense-perceptions, it will make me feel that this is not possible; because, I
cannot imagine the form prior to my state of kalpana.

In my kalpana-born state, I repeated words such as ‘cup’ ‘cup’ ‘jug’ ‘jug’ and
so on, and by so doing, word-like samskaars got firmly bound in me. Now in
order to understand kalpanas as ‘kalpana’, I now need to compare and
repeatedly think of the difference between sense-perception of objects and
their corresponding words. I imagine only what makes me happy, and my
senses like to remain engaged in only what I imagine; therefore, if I now try
to understand by my present understanding what the senses would have
taken as essential, or for how long, or what would be the state had I
remained solely within sense-knowledge (by setting aside kalpana), I shall
not understand anything at all.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript.Book 8 (B)
=======

LETTER NO: 4:16

The understanding with which we took body-form had, in gross or subtle

form, the understanding of sound-touch-sight-taste-smell, but it didn’t have
any samskaar or knowledge of language, but since one takes their habitual
just-unjust, vice-virtue, good-bad and heaven-hell of the religion or race into
which they are born as ‘correct’, there emerged different categories of
religions and castes.

We’ll not find any difference of just-unjust, vice-virtue and so on in sense-

perceptions or in activities of karma-organs with which human beings are
born; rather differences manifest only because of resorting to
language-based kalpana. What we experience when objects come into
contact with skin or tongue cannot be experienced by language; kriya arising
from words such as ‘hard’, ‘soft’, and ‘sour’ or ‘pungent’ does not lead to
actual experience; ‘touch’ is experienced differently by different body-parts
(say perception of eyes is difference from that of the tongue), but none
perceives differently by their eyes, or tongue, or any of other body-part.
However, when persons or objects do not come into contact with the
sense-organ that gives rise to a particular perception, corresponding
perception cannot arise. However, all appear to ‘understand’ even in the
absence of persons-objects, by hearing words of language, but even in my
illusion I don’t take this as an ‘illusion’. Since kalpanas endorse my changed
understanding, I understand and explain everything by the help of language
and take it as correct. When I understand by my senses, whatever my senses
make me understand is for me correct; in spite of it, I understand and explain
sense-matters by means of language. Language is the product of kalapana of
human beings; therefore, is there any doubt that the ‘correct’ that I
understand is only what my changed kalpanas are making me understand?

The senses are the only tool through which knowledge arises in us; therefore,
if we want stay within sense-knowledge by eliminating kalpanas, we must
invariably accept that sense-knowledge which arises through any particular
sense-organ ( say eyes) is correct, and when there is kriya of a different
sense-organ (ears), the perception of the earlier sense-born kriya becomes
incorrect (if we are seeing a movie and there is a loud bang, the sight of
movie gets replaced by that sound).

It’s natural for knowledge to have knowledge that sense-knowledge is

kriya-based, yet we give permanency to sense perceived persons-objects by
falling back on kalpana. Sense-knowledge cannot attain permanency other
than through language. The only purpose of imaginary language is to provide
permanency to sense-matters. As a small child, I had all the kriyas of
sound-touch-sight-taste, but since I did not then have any knowledge of
language that could help me store their memory in memory, I now cannot
recollect anything that I then perceived, not even my childhood. If human
beings can get rid of all their kalpanas and remain solely within
sense-knowledge, it’ll be impossible for differences to arise in the way it
presently arises; as such, we cannot, by any means, accept that samskaars
arise from the five senses; rather these are products of kalpana of words of
language.

All children are the same as long as they remain within the fold of their
natural sounds proves that nothing but kalpanas have given rise to
knowledge-difference. Since children of all races or religions are same, they
cannot differentiate even between sandal paste and excreta; on becoming an
adult, no infant of any race or religion can remember even their childhood.
‘Differences’ appear only because language facilitates kalpana.
Language-based kalpanas can only increase knowledge-difference; therefore,
trying to understanding the ‘Non-Different’ entity by a difference-riddled
knowledge is merely an illusion! By day and by night, one’s right-wrong is
getting changed with a change in knowledge; therefore, thinking of the
‘Non-Differing’ object by a difference-infested knowledge can be nothing
other than ego and vanity.

Understanding appears to understand everything, but can it understand that

once kalpanas make inroads into knowledge, their understanding ceases to
be sense-knowledge? Only when my state becomes, ‘I-cannot-understand’
will my understanding become restless to understand true Self and lead to
experiencing true Self.

I’m trying to understand true Self by resorting to kalpana of the unreal as

Rea; this is why, I’m unable to experience true Self. When a snake is perceived
as a piece of rope, kalpana-born rope-knowledge enshrouds
snake-knowledge; though the snake remains a snake, rope is perceived
instead of a snake. As such, unless realization dawns in knowledge that this
world is an illusion, it’s impossible for Brahm-jnan or the knowledge of true
Self to manifest. In the state of illusion, since ‘this’ is understood as ‘that’,
unless illusions dissipate, at no time it’s possible to gain the knowledge of
true Self.
Present knowledge is itself witnessing that object-knowledge of knowledge
have made knowledge illusory, and is proved by the fact that knowledge
ceases to exist in the absence of object-knowledge in knowledge. If the
senses think of ‘knowledge’, it feels it cannot understand the essence of
‘knowledge’; therefore, if you search Him by your senses even till infinity, He
cannot be traced, and nor was ever traced. When kalpanas are understood as
‘kalpana’ by resorting to kalpana, its result can only be akin to kalpana.

If I want to understand the reality of kalpana, my senses must compare the

difference of the reality of sense-knowledge emerging from each sense-organ
with its corresponding kalpana, and then only will I understand what kalpana
is.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)
=========

LETTER NO: 4:17

It’s wrong and foolish to rely on others, or on nature-infested beings; in

particular, when human being have become wrong by taking kalpanas as
right, their imaginings are obstructing them from experiencing true Self.
Human beings have become so transformed that they cannot even
understand their kalpanas to be ‘kalpana’; therefore, to believe that they’ll
understand the kalpana-free state correctly can only be an illusion.

I must discard my imagining form. Is it possible for me to understand the

reality of kalpana if I do not discard my kalpanas? When I understand
kalpanas as ‘kalpana’ while kalpanas remain my reality, nothing but kalpanas
will then be taken as true Self. When my understanding is unstable, I become
unstable; but when understanding stabilizes, my ‘I’ being imaginative gets
stabilized in an imaginative state. It is by imagining that knowledge of
persons-objects are coming into the knowledge of my knowledge, and what I
understand is merely vibration of persons and objects. Do I at all realize that I
experience differently only because of a change in vibration?

Had I experienced a difference in vibration, the vibration that emerges from

the sound ‘Guru’ would be the only vibration that I would have liked and
chosen; because, this vibration being difference-free and Soul-like is the
vibration that the soul likes and craves. When this difference-state is attained,
the soul will not crave for anything else, but when Guru-vibration is not the
subject of my knowledge, persons-objects will become the subject of my
knowledge and I’ll crave for them; this is why, I abhor vibration akin to
Guru-vibration.

Vibration other than ‘Guru’ or Soul-related is always subject to change for

which it cannot stabilize in the soul; therefore, I’m forced to imagine
persons-objects. The only reason why I resort to kalpana is to stabilize
sense-knowledge in knowledge; if vibration-related matters could stabilize in
knowledge by any means other than through kalpana, the soul would not at
all resort to kalpana. As such, when Guru is not the subject of knowledge
whereby Guru-vibration is not experienced, kalpanas become necessary,
rather kalpanas will inevitably arise and take non-soul products to be akin to
Soul. Cravings for the material will then arise unnoticed, and will continue to
arise in whoever cannot stabilize in Guru; this is why, I don’t like to depend
on anyone who I think is not depending on Self or is not relying on ‘Me’,
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)
===========

LETTER NO: 4:18

By day and by night we remain engrossed in ‘I-understand’ and

‘I-don’t-understand’ and run and seek persons and objects. When knowledge
akin to sense-knowledge that caused my sense-based ‘I’ does not manifest
other than by resorting to words of language, my understanding is clearly
pointing out to me that knowledge corresponding to sense-knowledge is not
in my knowledge.

Our skin always comes into contact with air, persons and objects in our state
of awakening; therefore, irrespective of whether we’re sleeping, sitting or in
any other state, we should invariably sense the touch of this object (air) with
body, but what we find is that since we are always engrossed in kalpanas, we
do not experience its touch for most of the time; rather experiencing the
opposite of sense experience, and even this is not properly experienced
because of samskaars. Deficiency in experiencing the sense of ‘touch’
explains why the body takes body-based touch (the act of sex) as pleasure
and craves to touch.

The touch of to food and sex are the ‘touch’ by which the soul experience its
fullest satisfaction (one experiences maximum ‘touch’ when food comes into
contact with the tongue and also during the act of sex), it explains why the
soul takes these two acts (of food and sex) as yielding maximum happiness.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)
========

LETTER NO: 4:19

The whole day I kept on pondering, “Why does the soul reside in Self only
after, and not before, understanding that this world is an illusion”?

Wrong can be understood as ‘wrong’ only in the state of right and not by any
means in the state of wrong. My state can be right only when my mind
engages in Guru-thoughts and Mool-Mantra; therefore, only when the
propensity to engage in Guru-thoughts and doing Mool-Mantra arises
automatically can the realization dawn in me, ‘This world is an illusion’. As
these two activities (Guru-thoughts and Mool-Mantra) materialize only in the
right state, make it your duty to imbibe the belief that you can become right
only when engaged in these two activities.
The moment kalpanas make their entry; your imaginings should start
imagining that you’ve landed in the wrong; because, Guru is not the subject
of the state of wrong but that of right; therefore, in my state of wrong, I
cannot view Guru as right but only as wrong and kalpana-born. The belief
that whatever is possible by imagining is also applicable to Guru, but this can
only be a kalpana! Make it your duty to express to Guru of all imaginative
matters that are haunting you.

Maharshi Kapil asserts, “Guru cannot become anyone’s subject while

remaining in kalpana; therefore, unless kalpanas are understood as ‘kalpana’,
Guru-understanding can be a mere kalpana”. By my kalpana-based
knowledge, I may or may not be able understand kalpanas as ‘kalpana’, yet I
take Guru who is beyond kalpana to be a kalpana.

When Guru becomes one’s heart and soul, then for how long can they remain
in kalpana? As long as Guru does not stabilize in one’s knowledge or kalpana,
habits will cause desires to arise and disturb the kalpana-free state; only
when habits cause Guru-kalpana to stabilize in the manner just as other
kalpanas stabilize, no other kalpana can then arise.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)
===========

LETTER NO: 4:20

Tht the (body-based) soul or knowledge became sense-based on the belief

(kalpana) that sense-knowledge will mitigate its deficiencies goes to prove
that the senses emerged from kalpana. Since the senses emerged from
kalpana, sense-knowledge cannot stabilize in knowledge except by resorting
to kalpana. When knowledge is in its right state, it does not require any
sense-knowledge; but since sense-knowledge became necessary, it must be
accepted that present knowledge is deficient or incorrect. By employing
sense-knowledge, it’s impossible for knowledge of the imagination-free state
to surface in knowledge, other than surfacing of an imaginative knowledge.

Knowledge arising through the senses being kalpana-born, sense-knowledge

requires kalpanas to stabilize in knowledge. As long as my understanding
feels the necessity of kalpana, the feeling of necessity to understand
kalpanas as ‘kalpana’ cannot arise in me. None likes, craves or is inclined to
perform anything which they take as redundant; this is why, the impulse to
understand kalpanas as ‘kalpana’ is not arising in anyone.

Feelings of food and sex being at the root of all kalpanas, if one tries to
understand the reality of kalpanas without realizing food-sex to be mere
kalpana without getting rid of these feelings, its result can only be a kalpana.
If a person grows up by taking food without hearing any words of language,
and is asked to take a journey by collecting food and other articles suitable
for his body, then that person, on realizing that the journey will become
troublesome, will have to imagine some words in order to indicate his
requirements, that is, ‘necessity’ makes kalpana of words of language
necessary. One does kalpana by day and by night according to their feeling of
necessity or requirement, and what they do kalpana can only be of matters
or objects that they take as ‘necessary’.

As long as world-knowledge of this visible world is felt as necessary, it’s

impossible to become kalpana-free; rather kalpanas will increase by leaps
and bounds; this is why, unless Guru is felt necessary, it’s difficult to
understand kalpanas as ‘kalpana’. Only when I take Guru as necessary will my
kalpana be similar to be what Guru takes kalpana to be. When my kalpanas
are intense, I cannot trace Guru; therefore, only when my kalpana is similar
to what Guru thinks ‘imaginations’ to be can the desire to shun kalpanas
kindle in me and realize kalpanas as ‘kalpana’. If I imagine shunning
imaginings while keeping my feeling of necessity intact, any imagining for
negating imagined necessities can only be futile.
Anyway, do not be restless or impatient. Firmly believe that the moment
feelings of the necessity of Guru firm up in me, Guru, by any means, will find
a way out for me and row me across. Guru will keep my nature in mind,
because Guru knows that when I alienate my kalpanas, something will be
lacking in my nature, and my necessities will remain unfulfilled. Till now I
have not been able to negate my kalpanas because it’s against my nature to
negate a thing which I take as necessary.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)
========

Letter No: 4:21

My question to you is, “Is the state of the soul or knowledge that changes
with a change in kriya, thoughts or memories its state?

Does knowledge have any form other than the form in which it resides? If we
try to observe whether the form of the knowledge is different from its
present form, we’ll find that when intense cravings force a person to act, then
the form of the soul or knowledge becomes similar to those cravings. When
one is bent upon snatching the property of another person, or harming
someone, but samskaars of social compulsions force them to hide their
feelings, are they not hiding the reality of their soul? Are they not projecting
themselves differently? Are they not saying ‘X’ for ‘Y’? Is there any doubt that
anything giving rise to deceptions or making one inclined to hide Self will give
rise to falsehood? Is there then any glory in Truth? The nature of Soul is
‘Truth’, but when knowledge or the soul takes ‘false’ as ‘true’, how far is it
possible to adhere to Truth?

‘Guru’ is true and imperishable, but when the knowledge of knowledge does
not understand false as ‘false’ to the extent to which it understands false as
‘true’, Guru cannot be understood as ‘true’. Instead of trying to make one
understand false as ‘false’, any attempt to explain false as ‘true’ is the work of
a goru (cow) and not of Guru.

If even after consuming the material (hardships emerging there from), people
fail to understand falsehood, then by no means can the reality of falsehood
dawn in their knowledge. When there’s a strong inclination before consuming
the material, any attempt to explain the characteristics of ‘falsehood’ by
language can only be futile. Only when one is saturated by experiencing the
pitfalls of falsehood, and then understands false as ‘false’ can they
understand the truth of Guru-sayings; therefore, wants cannot by any means
dissipate unless one stays in the association of Guru that negates all cravings,
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript.
==========

LETTER NO: 4:22

TO: Jagat Ch. Das: Dated Sunday, 2nd April, 1916

None but Guru can give advice. Whatever is said while dwelling in
Guru-thoughts or Guru-ghaat is Guru’s advice. In the absence of Guru, body
cannot even exist, that is, body ceases to exist in the absence of the kriya of
U-kaar ghaat of ‘hum’. Kapil once asked his Guru, Maharshi Angira, “What is
the subject matter of sadhana? I’m giving here in brief the reply that Guru
Maharshi Angira had given:

Sadhana has no subject. That Illusions or dualities appear the moment any
second thing or object-knowledge comes into knowledge implies that there
cannot be any duality when there is no knowable-object. Since it is dualities
that make one look for ‘cause’, none looks for any ‘cause’ in the absence of
dualities.

Once you accept that persons-objects are illusions, can these be illusions
anymore? Believing persons-objects to ‘exist’ that does not exist is what
‘illusion’ is! Only in the state of illusion does one look for ‘cause’; therefore,
the very understanding of ‘cause’ is an illusion. Feelings of wants surface with
feeling of duality. Had knowledge understood objects in their entirety, objects
could not have been experienced as ‘separate’; therefore, feelings of
deficiency give rise to wants, that is, illusions surface the moment there is
any deficiency in knowledge. What else can I tell to be ‘wrong’ other than tell
‘Knowledge not residing in Self is what is wrong?

Kriya in body arises from duality. When knowledge has no knowledge of

anything, there is no body-kriya. If we to try experience this by becoming
thoughtless and residing for some time in this thoughtless state and not by
words of language, we can easily experience residing in a kriyales state.

You may object, ‘Why does kriya arise in body when there’s no
object-knowledge while asleep?’ I say that body-kriya, while asleep is neither
like world-kriya,nor like the kriyaless state of a dead body, but arises from
feelings of duality. Another thing that I can say is that when body-kriya is
intense and enshrouds knowledge of true Self, the knowledge of true Self
cannot manifest; but because of the influence of samskaars, kriya continues
unabated, that is, in the absence of the knowledge of true Self, the kriya of
worldly kriya remains in the body.

Thus we observe that exteriority or duality causes kriya to arise, and since
the soul cannot by any means abandon its natural property, it starts
attracting true Self. Though Soul is kriyaless, even then there kriya arises in
the kriyaless Soul because of illusions. If we observe the visible world, we’ll
find that the natural property of the soul is to reside in the state of true Self,
but by illusively assuming the unreal in which it dwells as ‘real’, the soul
desires to dwell in the ‘unreal’. That none desires death, rather all want their
body to remain intact is ample proof that the soul desires to continue to
dwell in the state in which it is residing. Besides this, there are myriad other
proofs to substantiate this fact.
The fact that the soul changes because of knowable-objects and takes the
state in which it resides as ‘correct’ and also acts on this basis as ‘correct’, and
anything opposite to this correct is taken as ‘incorrect’ makes it abundantly
clear that the soul understands residing and understanding the state
corresponding to its own state as ‘correct’; therefore, when illusions derail
the (body-based) soul, Soul starts attracting (by the force of contraction) in
order to get back to Self. It’ll clearly dawn in our knowledge that Soul is
always beckoning illusive beings to retreat to true Self.

I can observe that when anyone belonging to any religion abandons the
external and seeks Him internally, there occurs an upward contraction-kriya,
but since it’s impossible for an elephant-sized samskaar-riddled ‘I’ to enter
the subtler of the subtlest domain of Soul, those samskaars of egoistic
feelings arising from duality keep this ‘I’ alineated from Soul. Unless
samskaars are gotten rid of, it’s impossible for the soul to attain its state of
attraction.

Samskaars bind knowledge with dualities. Dualities in knowledge are what

illusions are! Object-knowable causes dualities. Knowledge will inevitably
change with a change in knowable-objects; therefore, trying to bring about a
change in knowledge without bringing about a change in knowable-objects is
futile. Even our present knowledge understands that trying to experience a
state which is different from the state in which I’m presently residing, or
while there is different kriya in my body is futile; say neither does a child
understand the state of an adult, nor an adult understands the state of an
aged; neither is anyone compassionate in the state of anger, nor does anyone
in their state of benevolence discriminate beneficiaries; therefore, when any
trait of vice-virtue is there in the soul, it’s impossible to erase these from
knowledge.

It’s impossible for persons afflicted with knowledge-difference arising from

object-knowledge to worship by setting aside knowable-object (imaginary
god); knowledge difference arising from object-knowledge is what makes
people worship differently. When sons, wife and other such persons become
one’s worshipped objects, then kriya in their body changes and intensifies
their exteriority, that is, the greater is the intensity of external (repulsion)
kriya , the further they are pushed away from true Self.

We also observe that when the soul becomes body-based, it illusively takes
itself to be a limited entity, and since feelings correspond to knowledge,
there’s only be a limited contraction-expansion kriya in the body.
Object-knowledge in knowledge intensifies the kriya of expansion, but
contraction-kriya being limited by body makes it impossible for the soul to
remain in body in perpetuity. In other words, states corresponding to external
motion will enter into the knowledge of knowledge through the senses and
the increase in motion will cause aging and gradually cause the body to
perish. Since attraction-kriya in body remains limited according to the limited
strength of body, if one does not perform attraction-enhancing activities but
continues to dwell on thoughts of repulsive objects, it can only increase
motion whereby the body will gradually and definitely perish.

We also observe that when knowable-objects come into knowledge, it’s

natural that wants will arise and the desire to satisfy those wants will surface;
but trying to satisfy wants through knowable-objects by believing that these
will diminish craving is an illusion. As object-knowledge gives rise to feelings
of wants, it’s impossible for cravings to diminish through knowable-objects
which are causing wants.

It’s surprising that though Soul had no sorrows, yet knowable-objects are
making it experience sorrows. Let us now see whether one can experience
sorrows in a state free from knowable-objects. Can there be any sorrow in
the absence of any knowable object? Can we then experience any sorrow?
Where then are sorrows? What are sorrows? Why do we experience
sorrows? Since we do not experience any sorrow in the absence of
knowable-objects, the only reason why sorrows arise is knowable-objects. Is
it then not an illusion to think that knowable-objects will make us happy?
Therefore, happiness that we now understand is actually an illusion. What we
understand as ‘correct’ by our illusive knowledge is because our illusive
knowledge makes us understand in this manner. The soul which cannot be
burnt, drenched or mutated still suffers heat and cold is because of illusions.

I’m performing worldly activities on the assumption that I’m immortal, but
because I become unhappy, I crave happiness. I make relatives for my own
happiness, yet feel that I’m struggling only to make my relatives happy. None
who was alive before two hundred years is now alive, and all will die, yet I
feel that I shall not die. I commit so many mistakes at so many times, but
even by mistake, I don’t realize that I myself commit so many mistakes and a
victim of illusion.

What is the proof that living beings are mistaking sorrows to be happiness?
We’re definitely mistaking sorrows for happiness, because had our happiness
been real, why are living beings experiencing sorrows? Although the soul or
knowledge craves nothing but happiness, from where have sorrows entered?
Who created sorrows? Nothing other than illusions is making the soul
experience joys-sorrows. If one illusively takes sorrows for joys, it’s
impossible to become happy; say when an insect illusively gets enamored by
the glow of fire, it’ll not stop that insect from perishing; similarly, are not the
joys that our illusively knowledge take as joys and correct incorrect? When
one takes the ‘Right’ as right and yet assume that they’re in illusion, who says
they are illusive? In trying to seek happiness, we only multiply our sorrows.

The root cause from which wants surface and thereby sorrows arise is
‘duality’. While there is knowledge-deficiency, it’s impossible for knowledge
to comprehend its Singular state; this is why, it’s impossible for the
knowledge of complete happiness to come into the knowledge of our
knowledge. In our illusion, we’re surely mistaking illusions to be happiness.
Since illusions have no form, our joys-sorrows also have no form; but
illusively, we are craving to experience joys-sorrows through sight or touch of
form-based objects. When we experience joys-sorrows through form-based
objects, it’s natural for us to get attracted to persons-objects. This is what is
happening throughout the world and will continue to so happen. As long as
knowledge of form-based persons-objects is in knowledge, neither is it
possible to do sadhana nor attain the state of true Self. Sadhana is possible
only when one connects with the attraction force by which the soul is
attracted towards Self. As long as there’s any object-knowledge in knowledge,
it’s impossible for sense-based beings to practice sadhana.

What then is the means for persons whose knowledge is riddled with
persons-objects? In reply to this query of Kapiil, Jagad-Guru (Maharshi
Angira) said: “Even one’s illusive understanding observes that with a change
in knowable-objects, there’s a change in knowledge and body-kriya”
(implying that change of knowable objects is the means). When I understand
a woman as ‘mother’, my kriya is of one type, but is different when I
understand her as ‘wife’; attraction differs with kriya-difference. If we think
deeply, we’ll realize that kriya generates when knowable-objects enter into
knowledge, that is, only when knowable-objects enter knowledge and kriya
gets changed that a change comes into my awareness. The extent that
knowledge has become illusive can be measured by the extent that kriya is
getting changed with a change of knowable-objects.

By this the Maharshi advised to change knowable-objects in order to bring

about a change in illusive understanding. Guru-thoughts transport kriya to
U-kaar ghaat of Hum whereby the knowledge of the exterior world gets
negated; therefore, Guru who gets rid of illusions by negating all wrong of
wrong is the only means. But if one’s worldly-attachment is intense, and they
keep drowning deep in illusions, it’s impossible for them to gain knowledge of
that Thing of the other shore. It’ll be wrong if they call illusions ‘illusions’,
because by no means will their knowledge have knowledge of Guru of U-kaar
ghaat of Hum, in other words, the state that corresponds to kriya of U-kaar
can by no means come into their knowledge. Guru beyond the senses is not
coming into our knowledge because our understanding of persons-objects is
limited to only what our senses make us understand; this is why, Maharshi
Angira advised Kapil, “You require a sense-based Guru”.

Our understanding of Guru to be a laghu (smaller entity) depends on our

relative knowledge. Compare the gross body of persons whom you think will
provide you happiness with the gross body of Guru. Of the two, which is of
greater importance to you? What you take as ‘important’ will definitely be
the qualities of your body and your body-kriya will definitely be the same;
therefore, if you do not realize the illusive nature of joys-sorrows that emerge
from gross objects, the necessity for worshipping the gross body of Guru
cannot possibly come into your awareness. You’ve become a lunatic! Like a
deer becoming happy on seeing water in the mirage of a desert, you’re taking
this world as a perfect abode; therefore, its result cannot be anything but
disastrous. You’re inviting sorrows by invoking knowable-objects; as long as
there are knowable-objects, by no means can your sorrows end.

You may object, “When the gross body of Guru is in my knowledge, how can I
claim that my knowledge has no object-knowledge”? I say it is axiomatic that
knowledge and kriya will change with a change of knowable-objects. Only
when you bring about a change in your kriya by keeping the gross body of
Guru in knowledge will it come into your knowledge that you are taking the
material to be happiness. The moment you cease to understand the material
to yield happiness, it’ll be possible for you to get attracted to Guru’s gross
body; therefore, as long as feelings of sex, anger, greed, attachment, jealousy,
envy and so on are in you, it’s impossible to get attracted to the gross body of
Guru. Irrespective of any propensity of your body that becomes intense, it is
the intense propensity that’ll become your ‘Guru’ and certainly make you
hate Guru’s gross body; as such, only in one’s stable state can Guru’s gross
body appear to yield pleasure. None other than those who are
attachment-free can love an attachment-free body; therefore, as long as
there is attachment, there definitely will be repulsion. In such a situation,
only when one’s respective nature makes them reduce their attraction
towards the material by worshipping an entity beyond the visible world will
they find the gross body of Guru as necessary. Besides this, there is no other
means.

When I dislike any particular state or any state is not a subject of my

knowledge, it’s impossible for me to get attached to or desire to attain that
state; this is why, it’s difficult for anyone to get attracted to the gross body of
Guru for which Guru-jnan is gradually withering away.

Don’t be impatient. Don’t get agitated. Jagat (disciple) is born for no reason
other than for this jagat (world); I’m confident that it’s not possible for any
worldly illusion to cause Guru related illusions to surface in Jagat (disciple).

While explaining sadhana to Kapil, Maharshi Angira laid down:

“Infinite world-knowledge manifests only because knowledge becomes dual,

that is, ‘two’ gives birth to infinite world whereby the two kriyas of
contraction and expansion emerge in the kriyaless state. These two kriyas
(attraction and repulsion) arising from dualities cause infinite knowledge
whereby infinite states appear in knowledge. The state that surfaces from
coming and losing contact with these two kriyas gives rise to words, but
words cannot help to attain the word-free state. Leave aside attaining the
soundless state, rather it’ll gradually cause infinite states to arise. As such, it’s
impossible to practice sadhana by means of language or anything resembling
it.

You may object, “The word ‘Guru’ is also the product of two kriyas”. If you
analyze the impact of the word ‘Guru’, you’ll find that the word Guru negates
one of the two kriyas (of repulsion) and is the principal means to get rid of
Ha-kaar of Hum and makes kriya travel upward. The utility of the word ‘Guru’
is to negate all other sounds; on attaining Guru-ghaat, it’s impossible for the
ears to hear any sound.
You may then object that ‘Ri’, ‘L’, ‘E’ and such other sounds can also negate
kriya of the throat. You will easily realize that these sounds emerge from the
sound ‘Hum’, that is, only when ‘Hum’ gets negated, does kriya gets negated;
therefore, the sound ‘Guru’ that transports one back to the state of origin of
kriya is what one should practice and accept. That the sound ‘A’ arises only
when Ha-kaar of Hum goes down and thereafter travels upwards prove that
all sounds emerge from the sounds A-Ha. Trying to negate the sounds A-Ha
by the help of the same A-Ha sound is akin to cutting a branch of a tree while
sitting on that same branch. This can only be futile. In order to negate
Ha-kaar, it’s necessary to use a particular sound that negates the sound ‘Ha’.
Rishis experienced the sound ‘Guru’ and stressed on the importance of this
sound. If I try to negate my ‘I’ by ego-related activities and thoughts, it can
only increase ego. Unless ‘I’ is subdued, ego-related activities and knowledge
cannot be muted. I’m not illusion-free. Only when I become illusion-free can I
can judge like an illusion-free person; therefore, the more I seek to discover
newer means of sadhana, the more will my illusions increase. In the state of
illusion, only illusions can be taken as correct, that is, although I’m wrong, I
take myself to be right and go on finding wrong in others. The moment I
realize that I am myself wrong, I’ll stop finding fault in others.

Human beings may come up with infinite ways of doing sadhana, but unless
they go beyond U-kaar of Hum, they cannot attain the sublime state of AUM.
There’s no means other than embracing ‘Guru’. While having gross
knowledge, Guru-akin kriya can arise only through association with the gross
body of Guru whereby the falsity of gross knowledge will dawn in knowledge.
I have entered the gross by crossing over the subtle; therefore, I must now
re-enter the subtle by crossing over the gross. Worshipping an entity (Guru)
who attained U-kaar ghhat of Hum and who understands worldly-illusions to
be poles apart from worshipping an image of a self-imagined entity is the
means. If I set up an imaginary image and worship that entity that accords
with my kalpana, it’s impossible for me to go beyond my kalpanas.
If I think of a body of a person whose thoughts and kalpanas are different
from true Self, it’s natural for my kalpanas to change and conform to those of
other person. I cannot think of my son while thinking of my father, nor can I
think of my father while thinking of my son; as such, if I think of a body that
possesses certain qualities, my thoughts will definitely conform to those
qualities. In sadhana of true Self, neither is there any person or object nor is
there anything to worship. In the state in which knowledge changes with a
change of knowable-objects, and strong attachment makes me take illusions
as happiness, it’s impossible to have knowledge of That Entity of the other
shore. Hence, in order to understand illusions as ‘illusions’, I must bring about
a change in my knowledge through knowable-objects.

Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)

=========

LETTER NO: 4:23

While replying to Kapil’s query, Rishi Atri laid down the following:

“Religion, the object of worship, and the goal of human beings is the same
for all; this is because, the five senses of all are the same and located in the
same place in the body; all are engaged in thoughts of food and sex; the
senses of all perceive what these should perceive, and leaving aside
insignificant differences in seeing or hearing, all see with their eyes, hear by
their ears, experience touch by their skin, and none sees white as black,
rather all see white as ‘white’.

In the same manner, all hear forty-nine sounds as forty-nine sounds, but only
because of imagined words of language do differences in objects come into
awareness. Other than minor differences, all experience feelings of
hard-soft-cold-hot according to their habit and the place in which they stay;
none experiences winter as ‘summer’. When anyone, irrespective of
belonging to any religion, is laid low by fever, the temperature of blood in the
body of all changes according to the temperature displayed in the
thermometer whereby all experiences chill or warmth accordingly. If we
analyse deeply, we’ll observe that differences that arise from sense-organs or
of the organs of karmas of human beings is insignificant.

Difference that I observe in between ‘me’ and ‘others’ is because my

understanding corresponds to my sense-knowledge; this is why, it’s natural
and axiomatic for the understanding of one to be different from another;
there may be insignificant personal differences in sense-knowledge, but
practically, to a great extent, all think similarly of food and sex, copulate, eat
food through mouth, see by their eyes, hear by their ears, smell by their
nose, experience touch by their skin, taste by their tongue; corpses
decompose similarly and all suffer heat in summer, get burnt by fire, become
restless from hunger and harm others when angry.

Though activities corresponding to sense-propensities of human beings are

the same, yet their religions have become different. Why is it so? If we
analyse the reason, we’ll find that the reason why religions became different
is the same for which objects are different, in other words, nothing but
‘imaginings’ is the cause for which religions are different.

The difference in sense-knowledge which was felt as necessary and made us

opt for a body-form, or what objects make us understand after we set aside
our kalpanas is insignificant; but religions arising from my necessity to negate
wants and for which I crave happiness are multiple; therefore, difference in
religions is merely the products of ‘kalpana’. When we set aside kalpanas, it’s
not possible to differentiate sense-objects; similarly, difference in religions
will cease to exist when kalpanas are set aside.
Had sense-knowledge of one person been different from another, it would
not be possible to translate from one language to another, nor could the
knowledge of scholars of one language be the subject of scholars of a
different language.

Since knowledge is taking only the state of kalpana as ‘correct’, it’s making
people of one religion view activities, even of the senses and karma-organs,
of people of a different religion as ‘incorrect’. Though religion is same for all,
but the influence of kalpanas and samskaars are obstructing all from
understanding religion as ‘universal’. If thoughtful persons can think of this, it
can come into their awareness that ‘differences’ that we come across in
human beings are arising only from kalpana.

Had human beings expressed their feelings only by forty-nine sounds, that is,
by nature-born natural sounds corresponding to their kriya, then irrespective
of the religion to which they belong, all would experience pain in body as
dictated by nature; say when one experiences pain, the sound ‘Uh’ would
naturally emerge in all; if anyone comes across anything to be laughed at,
then all laugh ‘Ha-Ha’ or ‘Hee-Hee’ whereby anyone looking at this person
will invariably understand that the other person is laughing. All would then
easily understand the feelings of fellow beings, and nothing would obstruct
them from understanding the feelings of any other person.

Persons who closely observe the difference in between human and animal
behaviour can understand how difference in sound causes a difference in
kriya in them. Other than minor difference arising from differences in
sound-producing organ of animals, sounds in dogs, cats, and cows and so on,
the sound produced by all in their respective state of sex, greed, anger and
the like is similar. Since animals or any other species have no capacity to
imagine like human beings, difference within the animal species (cows, goats
and the like) is negligible. Any difference that we come across in different
animals is only because of a difference in nature of that particular species, or
because of feeble, medium or excess kriya in them. If we analyse this in
depth, it’ll come into our awareness that no other species is as different as
human beings. Nothing but kalpanas made human beings so different.

The desired Object of human beings is not kalpana-induced. The root cause
from which wants surface is not an kalpana-born product. Wants do not arise
without resorting to kalpana, nor can kalapanas satisfy wants; none imagines
an object which was never perceived by the senses, nor can this object be
our object of want; rather wants surface from imagined objects that were
perceived by the senses. Kalpanas do not lead to real knowledge, but by
taking these to be ‘real’, knowledge gets transformed. The belief ‘I have
understood’ is what causes wants to surface, but it’s impossible for
imaginings to crave the object Self.

As wants arise only because we want to attain the state of true Self, no
kalpana whatsoever, or while residing in a state of kalpana can kalpanas
possibly eradiate wants. Unless knowledge has knowledge of the desired
Object, the thirst of knowledge cannot be quenched. That kalpanas arise only
in the absence of the knowledge of true Self, and the natural property of
knowledge shuns everything non-Self, it amply proves that knowledge is not
craving for kalpana-born objects but for attaining the state of true Self.
Kalpanas cannot do kalpana the state of true Self; rather the emergence of
two states of ‘Self’ and ‘imagination’ negates experiencing the state of true
Self. While dwelling in the state of kalpana, it’s impossible to worship Self
beyond kalpana; kalpana of the non-imaginative Self while residing in the
state of kalpana can only be a kalpana.

The reality of the senses is never unreal, but when we add kalpana with
sense-knowledge, it becomes unreal. Is there anyone who’s unaware that it’s
impossible to see without the eyes, or experience touch without skin? Who
can object that sense-knowledge cannot be acquired by means of language?
Language is what is making sense-knowledge ‘unreal’. It’s impossible to attain
knowledge of true Self through language. What will you tell to persons in
whom this knowledge is not coming into their knowledge? It’s impossible for
a blind person to view the beauty of a landscape; similarly, it’s impossible,
while dwelling in an imaginative state and taking it as correct, to understand
the Correct.

When Soul or knowledge gets derailed from its state of true Self and starts
residing in non-Self states, then nothing but non-Self states are taken to be
Self. This is confirmed by the various non-state states themselves. Although
non-Self knowledge of human beings understands that nothing but non-Self
objects are understood while residing in a non-Self state, yet none is ready to
accept it. In this situation, will not those so-called ‘knowledgeable persons’
say, “Any attempt to understand Self is senseless”?

What is the state of Self? As for me, the answer is ‘Except everything
non-Self’. But since we observe that all living beings in this world view
something non-Self in every other person, can we say anything other than
say, ‘Both the viewed and the viewer are non-Self’? When there’s nothing at
all to view, who can prove that the viewer is non-Self? The perception-free
state of true Self being is free from object-free; therefore, as long as there is
any object to be sensed, it’s impossible to attain the object-free state; as
such, attain the object-free state. Understand that it’s impossible to attain
this state other than by getting rid of all objects.
Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book
=======

LETTER NO: 4:24

Wednesday, 26th March, 1916

That we always crave to understand and explain matters beyond the senses
and also believe we ‘understand’ are products of deep illusion; while in
illusions, only ‘illusion’ can be correct. In a state different from true Self, I do
not have any essence akin to the essence of true Self; my state of vibration
being different from the state or vibration of true Self, anything that I
understand as ‘right’ can only be ‘wrong’.
We understand any state of existence by the form of knowledge that
corresponds to the state in which we reside. In the state of darkness, the
function of the senses corresponds only to darkness, yet the knowledge of
‘brightness’ is in me; but this knowledge of ‘brightness’ cannot help me see
what I could have seen while residing in brightness. That I cannot even view a
nearby object properly in darkness implies that my knowledge of brightness
while residing in darkness is merely a kalpana. Did you ever spare time to
think of this? Without realizing that we cannot perceive anything while
residing in darkness, yet we believe to understand ‘brightness’. Did you ever
get a chance to realize that nothing but your ego is making you believe that
you can understand ‘brightness’ even in darkness? Did you ever think of it?

In this manner, the root cause from which motion-based state appeared, or
what illusively made us take a body-form forced us to imagine one after the
other and changed the vibration of knowledge, and it then became
impossible to have natural knowledge corresponding to the senses or of
vibration which caused the senses to manifest. Sense-knowledge or the
natural vibrations arising in a sense-based body being real and correct, there
is nothing akin to the eight bondages of race, culture, hatred, shame, fear
and so on; rather bondages surface only from kalpana.

Vibration-related sense-knowledge had a specific reality and is still there, but

now got enshrouded by kalpanas. When kalpanas cause vibration in my body,
kalpana-born understanding goes of my awareness and I understand only
what accords with my body-vibration; say I may imagine, “Eating stolen
rassagolla is a crime”, but the moment rassagolla comes into contact with my
tongue, my knowledge of eating stolen rassagolla being a ‘crime’ vanishes,
rather I relish its taste. On the contrary, when I’m laid down by fever and the
vibration of my tongue changes, I then do not relish the sweetness of
rassagolla any more, rather tastes bland according to the fever-stricken state
of my tongue.
Now do vichar. Observe. You’ll find that kalpana of ‘good-bad’ does not at all
alter perceptions arising from sense-vibration; in other words, when my
body-propensity opposes my kalpana, kalpana-born good-bad cannot in any
way change body-kriya; in spite of this, we do not understand that ‘good-bad’
of our kalpanas is mere kalpana.

When there is samskaar-born kriya in the body, it’s impossible for knowledge
to remain unchanged or resemble those samskaaars permanently, because
knowledge will embrace new vice-virtue by summoning memories of
imagination-born samskaars; corresponding karmas will bind people in the
eight types of bondages (race, culture, hatred, shame, fear and the like).
From this it clearly comes into awareness that the properties of vibration
which made us take a body-form is the basis on which we decide whether we
‘accept’ or ‘reject’ anything, that is, kalpanas cannot, in any way, alter the
body propensity to accept or reject; say our skin never likes to touch fire,
eyes never like to see anything horrific, deafening sound is always irritating to
the ears and none likes obnoxious smell, nor the tongue relishes the taste of
any spoiled thing.

When habits bring about a change in kriya or vibration and makes me feel
good, then the state corresponding to my earlier vibrations or of the
vibrating-based sense-knowledge dissipates. When a change in vibration
makes human beings take anything as ‘correct’, then the natural
bondage-free state of their kalpana-born vice-virtue gradually replaces
sense-knowledge leading to the present state. When human beings cannot
even understand the natural state of the senses, how dare they attempt to
practice sadhana for experiencing what lies ‘beyond’ the senses? Such a
craving can merely be a kalpana!

As vice-virtue of sense-based human species is different, different categories

of vice-virtue have arisen. All take their respective understanding to be right
(Hindus take cow-slaughter as a horrendous act while Muslims take it as
holy), that is, the form that emerges from their changed vibration is taken as
true or right. Since none by their respective knowledge takes real as ‘unreal’
or unreal as ‘real’, the understanding of any one person takes the
understanding of another as wrong.

On the other hand, we observe that when sense-based human beings leave
aside all their kalpanas, the understanding of all becomes same, that is,
nothing is there akin to hatred, shame, fear, envy, race, religion, impatience
and the like. These eight bondages manifest only from kalpana; therefore, if
one does not care to understand even after understanding that these
bondages are the products of kalpana, then such attachment-blinded persons
have no other means, and nor is there any.

The one and only means is to understand the gross body of Guru by the five
senses; other than the samskaar-free body (of Guru), there cannot be any
other means. Persons who cannot imbibe the feeling of no-confidence in
their deep-rooted understanding, that is, those in whom illusive vibration
have so polluted their deep-rooted understanding that they’re unable to
bring about any change in their knowledge to realize Guru as correct and
cling on to their own criteria of right-wrong, then they are left with no other
means.

Consequently, other than by associating with Guru for a long period, and by
doing vichar, imbibe the feeling of non-confidence in own understanding,
there’s no other means. Do vichar about these and decide what you like.

Source: Hemangini’s manuscript. Book 8 (B)

========

LETTER NO: 4:25

TO: Bharat: Dated 25th Dec., 1913

I regularly receive letters from you all.

You’ll find in this envelope a letter addressed to Dhiren. Collect that letter
and read its contents.

What one takes as ‘important’ is what they get attracted to and crave, and
this is what they’ll always think, occupy their heart and get inclined to
perform. One can see their appearance when they look at the mirror;
similarly, one can easily determine their state by focusing on their prevailing
thoughts. Those who’re engrossed in Guru-thoughts can be easily traced,
because worldly thoughts that get wrecked at any time can never obstruct
thoughts of those who are engrossed in the pearl of thoughts of the
Thoughtless. Why will they fear worldly thoughts? How can they go astray
when their Pole-star is none but Guru? Why will the heart of those who
understand from the core of their heart that this world is temporal and the
product of kalpanas ever become agitated or impatient? Will not those
whose knowledge is confined to material-thoughts become illusive? Will not
those who become illusive continue to travel indefinitely? Can illusion-free
knowledge manifest in the state of illusion?
Source: Booklet published by Gramya Yogashram

========

LETTER NO: 4:26

TO: Bharat: Dated 5th December, 1913

I received your letters one after the other.

Tell Joga (Jogesh Brahmachari) and Indu that all that I say are lies. Since the
senses are dominating people of this country and world at large, they’re
always engrossed in sense-matters. Can they so engage when realization
dawns in them that the senses as wrong? Wherever you go, be it in a shop or
market-place or a city, all are engrossed in thoughts of food-sex whereby
differences are increasing with each passing day. Inventions of various means
of living, sleeping, eating, cooking, travelling are increasing differences. What
does this mean? Did these inventions take place by taking sense-knowledge
as correct, or by taking sense-knowledge as incorrect? When human beings
are unhesitatingly abandoning their father-mother-brother-friends-relatives
merely for sense-gratification and are sacrificing their lives for petty
material-gains, it’s impossible to seek Brahm. You all are thorns of the
present society! Even our leaders are considering material-development to
be progress. None will ever like you if you follow this path, and as of now,
you’ll undoubtedly face hurdles. When people of present society have no way
out other than pass their time with their family and stay within their domain
of right-wrong, you’ll definitely be scorned; in particular, none of any religion,
at any place or time can go against this; therefore, if you say that present
religions are ‘illusions’, all will pity you. None in this colourful world has
accepted nor will they ever accept the Singular entity. Even in the Gita,
doubts are expressed whether even a single tatwwa-gnani (one who gained
the knowledge of Truth) will ever be born amongst hundreds of thousands of
people. As long as external happenings agitate you, it’s axiomatic that
changes will continue unabated.

Bring the contents of this letter in the knowledge of Indu and Joga. Your
‘Basan’.
Source: Booklet published by Gramya Yogashram.
========

LETTER NO: 4:27

To: Yogesh Brahmachari: Dated: 5th December, 1913

I received a letter from you as well as from Indu and Bharat and also one
from Dhiren.
Everything of this world that we understand is in relation to body; therefore,
as long as there’s body-awareness, changes are bound to happen. The
foremost in knowledge is ‘body’; therefore, unless body-awareness is gotten
rid of, nothing but body-related objects will be understood as correct. If a
gross object (body of Guru) does not become your goal, it’s impossible to
bring about any change or get changed. Knowledge and feelings of anyone
correspond to their goals; therefore, knowledge cannot change unless a
higher goal or a higher ideal is thought of. Unless a change in knowledge is
brought about, Brahm-jnan cannot become the subject of present
knowledge. As the world is subject to change, it’s natural for persons with
world-knowledge to change. What is so surprising?

Can you hope for any betterment unless you become ‘mine’ for my sake or I
become ‘yours’ for your sake? Persons or objects that I deem necessary are
what I voluntarily take as necessary and embrace. Do I ever seek anyone
whom I do not take as necessary? When the feeling, ‘Guru is essential’ arise
in you, all causes of derailment will then vanish. “Your Basan”.
Source: Booklet published by Gramya Yogashram.

==========

LETTER NO: 4:28

To: Bharat; Dated: 1915 AD.

Bhai (brother)! This is a terrible age! It’s impossible, at present, to understand

this (Ajapa)! I’m always telling you that in this age, one understands only that
religion which is eccentric in nature, but it’s impossible to understand this
(Ajapa). When the knowledge of Self is taken as false, who then will seek
Truth? Neither is there truth in falsity, nor is there falsity in truth. I foresee a
terribly dark future. Dark clouds of attachment are gradually enshrouding the
entire space. Why are you irritating me? Why keep me bound for nothing?
Find your own means. Let your knowledge imagine a way out. If I say
anything that your kalpana takes as ‘contrary’, you’ll feel trapped. When none
can repose their confidence in Guru-sayings, there’s no means to attain
liberation; this is why, I’m not the least inclined or to do this futile exercise.

You want me to go to Calcutta, but what is the guarantee that you all will
then become happy? “Your Basan”.

Source: Booklet published by Gramya Yogashram

=========

LETTER NO: 4:29

To: Jogesh
From: Jagatpur Ashram: Dated 5th January, 1914,

Baba! I received your letter as well as that of bhai (brother) Indu and Bharat.

Indu and Bharat wrote to me relating to the material only. This immensely
pained me. I came to my senses! Henceforth, I shall cease to have material
relationship with any of you, rather start behaving like non-materialist
Guru-disciple. I’ll then see how many uncle-aunts stay in the Ashram!

You’re probably aware what Guru-disciple behaviour is like. Disciples are

duty-bound to act according to Guru-instructions, because this rids them of
attachment. Strangely you’re trying to materialize in the dark Kali-yuga that
which could not materialize in dwapar-yuga.

Bhai Indu and Bharat! I’m withdrawing my statement. After this letter, I shall
not address you as ‘Bhai’ any more. This is the last time that I’m addressing
you as such. I’m ending my letter. Attachment is making people understand in
infinite ways! It’s your Guru’s instruction to continue with your studies
attentively. Achieve success in your examination. I’ll see how far you succeed
in this. Your Basan.
Source: Booklet published by Gramya Jogashram.
 =========

LETTER NO: 4:30

To: Jogesh
From: Jagatpur Ashram; Dated 28th March, 1915

When I did not get any reply in the last couple of days even after I wrote
three letters to you, I became greatly agitated. Why are you mum? What is
the reason? If you feel that you needn’t write to me, I’ll be more than happy
if you simply write, “I’m fine”.

None understands anything which is against their nature, and even if that is
true, it becomes false; say it is axiomatic that my body will perish, yet
body-attachments make me feel that this is wrong.

By randomly showing your palms to astrologers, you’re conjuring self-created

feeling and inviting destruction of your body. Don’t bother about these
things.

I shall reply to you when I get your detailed letter. “Your Basan”
Source: Booklet published by Gramya Jogashram.

==========

LETTER NO: 4:31

To: Jogesh
th
Jagatpur Ashram, 17 Chaitra, 1315 (Bengali calendar)

Baba! I became impatient when I do not get any letter from you, but now
received two or three letters of yours one after the other.
In substance, when you don’t practice working solely in accord with
Guru-instructions, there’s no hope. We may understand in any manner we
like, but find that any understanding is undoubtedly erroneous; even own
understanding understands that understanding is wrong. It’ll not be wrong to
say that we do not understand anything at all; rather what I understand ‘I
understand’ is comprehensively wrong. Since there’s nothing to understand,
our belief that we understand objects cannot be anything but wrong, that is,
the craving to understand can only increase when we try to understand.
Those who don’t understand this can never become want-free. Neither is
there anything to understand nor do I understand, yet I cannot refrain from
understanding!

In this situation, the one and only means prescribed by Rishis is to

understand none but ‘Guru’. Since understanding flees when anyone
understands Guru, or when one acts in accord to Guru-instructions, Rishis
have advised to understand none but ‘Guru’ and act accordingly. Those
who’re unable to abide by Guru-instructions will remain clinging to their
understanding and riddled with wants. As long as there is creation, they’ll
continue journeying to and fro.

Are the vichars of Guru proper or improper? Is this feeling the symptom of
discarding your understanding, or does this supersedes Guru-understanding?
You and Bishu write to me. Clearly let me know your opinion.

Bisu was lamenting, “You get agitated the moment you come across anything
relating to me”. Is this my crime? Your Basan.
Source: Booklet published by Gramya Jogashram
=======

LETTER NO: 4:32

From: Jagatpur Ashram; Year: 1914 AD
Jeewan bhai (brother)! How elated I was when you addressed me ‘Bandhu”
(friend)! How can I express my elation in this letter!

Over here, I start doing ‘Hom’ (sacrificial offering to fire) early in the morning
which completes by 4 o’clock. By the time I finish taking food, it’s almost
evening. My praan is now immensely agitated that does not want to remain
in family bondage (matters relating to Ashram and disciples) anymore, yet I
cannot become completely detached. I accepted bondage for the last sixteen
or seventeen years for the one from whose embryo a witch got born! I’m
undone; I myself gave her a high status. When I got your letter, a verse struck
my mind:

Tell me openly, O Swaroop,

The path leading to Braj (Vrindaban)
O cowherds, I know not its trace
Now lead me to that place.

You addressed me ‘Bandhu’(Friend)! Is there anyone else in Bharat who’ll

address me ‘Bandhu’? I understand that none likes my untoward behavior,
yet crave that all should love me. It’s for this reason I’m unable to engage in
thoughts of Self, because the moment anyone says anything, I rush to
embrace that person. Do you really love this cruel person from your heart?
Those with a material bent of mind cannot be compassionate towards any
person unless they demonstrate likeable attitudes, nor can they like any
person whose attitude is not liked; both are terrible obstacles. Over here,
Ramesh is greatly agitated.

After offering the anaji (inedible) banana in hom, I wanted to offer the
Ashram in the hom, but could not do so.

I’m thus left with no other option. Neither I’m contract-bound nor have I
made any promise to any disciple, yet maintain a relationship even with
those who were hurt by my behavior. I feel I’m useless. As long as you’re
‘mine’ or you feel it’s good if I remain ‘yours’, I’ll remain yours; even if you
forget me, I shall still push-and-pull you from the core of my heart. Should
this push-and-pull happen to irritate you, my irritation will make me snap our
relationship.

It greatly pained me when you did not tell me that you were pained. Clearly
tell me. If disciples do not abandon all their fear and shame, and express their
pain to Guru without any reservation, then by no means can they remain in
Guru.

Bhai! If you had come, everything could have been sorted out. When you
speak or write anything to me by baring your heart, why will anyone else see
that letter? Disclosing any confidential matter of any disciple is not the work
of a Guru. When a disciple doesn’t open up and speak, I also dislike
expressing anything.

Since the last five years, my praan is not craving to understand anything of
this world. Till now I always believed that Suren is my final goal. I also
believed that unless nature-influenced beings exhaust the destiny of their
past, there’s no certainty of what nature has in store for them. Always ensure
that I’m not left out of in any situation in which you find yourself. Keep
everything in Guru’s awareness. Your Basan.

Source: Booklet published by Gramya Jogashram.

========

LETTER NO: 4:33

To: Jogesh
From: Jagatpur Ashram: Dated 19th March, 1915
Whenever I get your letter, I get one or the other new information.

When you’re doing sadhan-bhajan (meditation and chanting), what makes

you feel that you’ll die a premature death? I don’t know what makes you feel
that you’ll die in this present birth at around age fifty similar to your past
deaths. Abandon all such thoughts. RIshis claim that one can gain immortality
by doing Mool-Mantra. Do Mool-Mantra.

Even a drop of human thoughts of the future is incorrect. Nothing that you
imagined since your childhood actually materialized. You think or act as if it is
correct because your understanding takes these as ‘correct’. That you can
easily understand unjust-wrong committed by others but not of your own is
because ‘I’ am different from ‘others’; this is why, when I compare vichars
applicable me vis-à-vis those applicable to others, vichars become different.

Anyway, other than getting rid of all vichars of vice-virtue and practicing
Mool-Mantra, you cannot by any means remain right. When one is not
inclined to do Mool-Mantra, it’s their foremost duty to lead a family life.
Whoever fails to do so will undoubtedly falter at every step. ‘Your Basan’

Source: Booklet published by Gramya Jogashram.

========

LETTER NO: 4:34

To: Jogesh
From: Jagatpur Ashram: Year 1916 AD

Sayings of Rishi Atri came to my mind today.

Atri told Jaimini, “As long as there’s body-awareness, it’s impossible for the
body-based knowledge to think of Soul beyond body. Soul is true and eternal.
The state and knowledge of Self being absent in non-Soul state, it’s natural to
crave non-Soul objects whereby worldly desires get kindled in us.

When desires for acquiring the materials arise, it’s impossible to leave aside
the material. One then cannot embrace anything non-material nor can get
attracted to Guru. Since one cannot become desire-free other than by
attaining the state of true Self, none but Guru should be your desired object.

In his analysis of para 50 relating to samadhi, Byasdev had concluded, ‘Deep

samadhi is different from the material or sound’.
Source: Booklet published by Gramya Jogashram

==========

LETTER NO: 4:35

To: Jogesh, Indu, Bharat
From: Jagatpur Ashram; Year 1919 AD.

You always want me to write letters to you.

I’m not at peace even for a moment. Baba! What can result if I go on
screaming? When sadhana could not become one’s subject matter in
Satya-Dwapar-Treta, how can it become the subject of this age of Kali? When
sense-knowledge gets firmly rooted and one takes this as true and become
crazy for sense-matters, what is that they wouldn’t do? They then think of
nothing but sense-matters, and anything beyond the senses cannot become
the subject of their thought, nor does this at all come into their knowledge.
You find variety of food, furniture and items of entertainment and
consumables stacked in shops in congregations, market places, cities, villages
or in living places. Does this prove sense-knowledge is wrong, or does this
prove as right? At present, nothing other than what relates to the organs of
karmas and the senses being the subject of knowledge, anything related to
Brahm which is beyond the senses will appear to be the symptom of a
lunatic. Persons are now interpreting sayings of the ancient Upanishads
differently by bringing non-sensory matter within the domain of the senses
whereby those sayings got distorted.

‘Detachment’ propounded in the Gita is now interpreted as, ‘Leading a family

life detached from attraction towards wife-sons-daughter’, but attachment to
wife-sons is no attachment at all, because when Brahm becomes the subject
of knowledge, nothing else then occupies thoughts, and nor is there any
vice-virtue or heaven-hell! Irrespective of whether one has Brahm-jnan or
not, as long as there’s knowledge-difference, interpretations will continue to
be riddled with vice-virtue and heaven-hell. Brahm has now become a
chameleon. To a person who has renounced the material, Brahm is Krsna; to
a worshipper of Shakti or energy, Brahm is personification of Shakti
manifesting with ten or four hands (goddess Durga and the like); to a
Siva-worshipper, He is that fat red-eyed Siva with his wife on top of his body
puffing a kolki (tool to inhale intoxicating herbs) in His hand as if to teach
living beings that wife is the only god worth worshipping; Krsna is now
interpreted as the spoiler of virginity of Braj-Gopis who only think of sex.
When such are the interpretations, how will anyone accept the glory of Kapil
or Bedbyas? When I see the pitiable condition of Sambhu (Siva), feelings of
happiness as well as sorrow arise in me, because, this is the same country
where Siva has famously propounded Guru-tattwa and advised
illusion-riddled living beings that they have no means other than to
concentrate on a sound.

You’re struggling because your immature childish knowledge is making you

take religion a toy. When you glance at the present state of people of Bharat,
you’ll find that they are seeking to attain the state of true Self while
engrossed in the material; therefore, in no time Vedanta’s Singular entity will
be reduced to a horse’s egg.

Baba! Why are you pestering me for nothing? In few days, people of present
society will start calling me ‘Unmananda’ (lunatic) or Dhonginanda (a juggler)
instead of Purnananda (complete bliss). Two to five boys from among the
boys who;re staying with Purnananda may become so aggressive that they
may even rain blows upon me. If I happen to take these boys to court, even
the judges will come up with a half-moon like smile and pass a verdict, “Their
action is not unjust”. While dwelling in sense-knowledge, the Singular entity
cannot by any means manifest.

When you discard sense-knowledge, all relationships will then get snapped.
Who then will be a friend of whom?
Source: Booklet published by Gramya Jogashram.

==========

LETTER NO: 4:36

To: Joga, Indu, Bharat: Year 1920 AD

As far as I understand, the reason why I always get your letters full of remorse
and lamentation is that you take this rotten mass of body as true, and when
you take sense-knowledge as true, remorse and lamentations will definitely
surface; otherwise it’s not possible.

As long as you take sense-knowledge as true, Brahm beyond the senses will
merely be a kalpana-born product; it’s impossible to remain stable while
resorting to kalpana. Quite often, when one is attracted to sense-matters,
even what’s true reduces to kalpana. Guru-sayings will then not come into
memory; rather will make you remorse and lament.

Keep in mind that the senses will always try to prove world-objects as true,
and anything beyond the senses as false. As long as there’s sense-knowledge,
it’s impossible to understand anything beyond the senses as true, because
sense-knowledge will definitely take anything beyond the senses to be false.
When anything is taken as ‘false’, one cannot possibly get attracted towards
that thing.
Since all in this world understand by their own understanding, if one keeps on
interacting with different people of this world, it becomes all the more
impossible for thoughts opposite to the senses to arise. Become aware that
world-understandings are erroneous; if not, your craving to understand truth,
or the falsehood of this world and abide by Guru-instructions will reduce to
mere babblings of a lunatic.

I’m making it crystal clear to you that none other than those who’re willing to
discard sense-knowledge are ‘mine’. I shall have no relationship with anyone
other than them. If you want to become ‘mine’, you ought to discard every
other thing; categorized knowledge cannot have My knowledge (of true Self).
You all are like drops of the morning dew; as such, why should I wreck my
brain for your sake? If you haven't experienced that all other knowledge gets
negated when ‘Guru’ is pronounced, you haven’t at all pronounced ‘Guru’; if
you’ve experienced, you’ve definitely understood that all other knowledge
gets negated when the sound ‘Guru’ is pronounced. This implies that
Guru-jnan cannot be attained if there are other thoughts. I always feel that
you are crying with remorse and lamentation because you’re trying to make
mango-cake from grape-fruit, or a gold pot from brass and copper.

If you say “I am crying to become a beggar of His compassion”, it cannot give

you anything but pleasure, so why are you yelling, “I’m finished”, “I’m
undone”. You may say, “When I hear anything that you say, it makes me
happy”. If this is true, carry on with your studies attentively, and when your
exams are over, you’ll become stable.

Once you attain stability, then irrespective of where you are, the sound
‘Guru-Guru’ will unnoticeably echo in your ears and you’ll hear nothing but
my words and advice; but if you remain engrossed in sense-matters, my
words or letters will not even enter your ears. You believe that you
understand what I say, but since my ‘I’ is unlike your ‘I’, how can your
understanding understand me? Since all understand by their understanding,
one can only understand according to their own understanding, but
understanding itself understands that understanding becomes different with
a difference in understanding. Since understanding makes one think, analyse
and find logic, it makes them believe that whatever they understand is
correct, but do they realize that their understanding changes with a change in
understanding?

Either act in accord to Guru-understanding or go on understanding and act

according to your own understanding! You cannot ride on two boats
simultaneously. Accusations and objections surface only because you act
according to the dictates of your understanding; as such, do not object to
anything that I say. In the absence of sense-knowledge, there cannot be any
objection.

Your exams are drawing near. Make it your duty not to think of any other
thing; rather concentrate only on your studies. Always keep in mind that
none forever becomes to me ‘unwanted’.

Source: Booklet published by Gramya Jogashram.

==========

LETTER NO: 4:37

To: Jogesh
From: Jagatpur Ashram; Dated: 17th March, 1920

I received your letter.

Guru-Beej is the treasure of my heart. My love made me give to you this

treasure of my heart. Had you experienced results of Guru-Beej from the core
of your heart, you wouldn’t have any want. I’m happy with whatever little of
Guru-Beej that you experienced.
Recently, whenever my heart becomes morose, I keep remembering all of
you on and off. I was speaking to Jogmaya on the day on which you wrote
this letter. This topic arose, and I got agitated. On that same day, a letter of
yours was also received in the city. If you had thought of Guru and done
Guru-Beej from the core of your heart even for a day, I wouldn’t have any
reason to get angry. Anyway, come over as soon as your college closes on this
vacation.

More than half of ‘Chintar Fal’ (Outcome of Thoughts) and ‘Sadhanar

Parichayak’ (Path to Meditaton) that is being composed by Basanti Didi is
already written. To me, this is an excellent composition. It appears that
brahmacharinis (female practicing celibacy) of this Ashram are doing
‘Guru-Guru’ more than ever before. I’ve nothing more to write. Write to me
about your welfare. Your Basan.

Source: Booklet published by Gramya Jogashram.

========

LETTER NO: 4:38

8, Musalman Para Lane; Dated: Thursday, 26th Sep, 1912

I’m writing letters to you every day.

Remain stable while doing sadhana. Set aside all vichars of good-bad,
because impatience will inevitably lead desires to arise. I now realize that
even ‘Ma’ is not above the material. Irrespective of any sense-matter, all are
indeed poisonous. Since only sense-objects are resorted by kalpana by words
of language to keep these in memory and are actually imagined, it’s
impossible to gain knowledge beyond the senses by means of language-
based worshipping and praying.
The sounds ‘U’ of ‘Hum’ and Ri-Lri-Ka-Kha and the forty-nine sounds are the
products of two kriyas (attraction and repulsion) The sounds ‘U’ of Hum
arises above the level of throat while that of A-kaar to Ha-kaar from below
this level; categories emerging with a change of place from where these
sound arise cause the Chaturbarna (A-U-Ha-Ma) sounds. The Chaturbarna
sound is what causes swar (vowel) sounds at the upper level and byanjan
(consonant) sounds at the lower level. If anyone desires to attain the state of
true Self but keeps dwelling within these forty-nine sounds, then they’ll
remain within the fold of their own nature; therefore, it’s essential to discard
the two downward sounds Hum and Hakaar and come within the fold of
A-kaar to U-kaar sounds. This had prompted Rishis to invent the method of
residing in between the sounds A-kaar to U-kaar.

However, since we require restricting the sound ‘hum’ that occurs naturally,
there is Mool-Mantra. Kriya occurs at different places in the body and causes
different knowledge to manifest; this is why, there is Guru-Beej.
Attraction-repulsion is equal in Guru-Beej and helps in assimilating different
kriyas; therefore, Guru-Beej is the ideal means to stabilize body-kriya. When
one practices Guru-Beej by means of language and not by the prescribed
method, it’ll be nothing but glorifying their knowledge of language. Those
who always think of vice-virtue by means of language and have become
samskaar-based should do vichar of their thorn-like knowledge of vice-virtue
by their thorn-infested language itself; this is why, Yoga-Sutra (Maharshi
Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra) has evolved.

Hardly anyone understands My state; rather all are engrossed in their own
selfish motives; the moment anything goes against, they hurl various
accusations. If language is redundant, why are so many word-based
accusations relating to Me surfacing? Why does one get agitated merely on
hearing words?

You asked me to be alert concerning Hemangini. I’m already alert. Even if

Hemangini does not trust me, I can only wish for her welfare; if she doesn’t
realize this, I will not get agitated or worry even if she dies. If you’re agitated,
how is your agitation or impatience helping her? I have achieved nothing
except locating few hopeless guys! Language can never satisfy the hunger of
stomach. What have I not done in order to fill their stomach?

Hemangini! Receive my blessings through this letter. I’ll depart for Chittagong
by train on the 17th and reach Ashram on the corresponding Tuesday. When
we meet, I’ll explain everything. After you receive this letter, send Ramen to
town (Chittagong) on the Tuesday that immediately follows.
Source: Rajlaxmi’s manuscript.
=========

LETTER NO: 4:39

To: Surendranath Sen

You cannot succeed if you try to row across this colossal maya-river (of
illusions) on a boat made of palm-leaves. Now there is heavy downpour and
the wind is blowing fiercely; therefore, what is most essential for your boat
(body) is to have a cover made of Guru-bhakti, oars made of
Guru-instructions, tying your boat firmly with rope made of patience, affixing
a sail made of Hangsa to the mast-akin Guru-Beej , and when your boat is on
the verge of capsizing in the tumultuous waves, yelling ‘Guru-Guru’ instead of
‘Badar-Badar’ (what boatmen in Bengal normally yell at the time of distress).

The form, shape and inert properties of your boat are the same as that of
your parents. Their body-kriyas will reflect in you; therefore, other than by
bringing about a change in your kriya, your boat is incapable to row across
maya-river.

‘Guru-Guru’ sound is the principal means by which one can row across the
principle hurdle posed by those tumultuous waves of sense-knowledge. If we
can merge the ‘U’ sound of ‘Guru’ with the ‘Um’ sound of ‘Hum’, there
cannot be any sense-knowledge.
While there is sense-knowledge, the ‘U’ sound of ‘Guru’ emerges from the
throat.This makes it crystal clear that only (by going beyond
sense-knowledge) when ‘U’ sound of Guru merges with ‘Um’ sound of ‘Hum’
will the impact of those dreaded waves not be experienced. If one tries to
row across this maya-river by any method other than this universally
accepted method (Guru-Guru sound), the net result will be an exercise in
futility.

Loving or rejecting Guru depends entirely on one’s activities; therefore, it

does not at all come into awareness whether Guru has any vice or virtue.
While interacting, by day and by night, with the external world, if one does
vichar about the activities of Guru, then at every step they’ll get the feeling,
‘Guru is a not Guru but a goru-chor (cow-thief)’. One never makes a Guru for
fulfilling worldly-life; if they do so, they’ll falter at every step.

I write to you so many things in so many palatable words, but nothing seems
to work. I get greatly agitated when I realize that even Guru becomes an
enemy when anything goes against one’s desire.

You disciples gave me a ray of hope. If you can only raise a demand ‘I shall
behave Self-like and Guru will definitely help me to row across successfully
achieve’, then this hapless person, by wit or intelligence, will also
undoubtedly cross over.

Practically, It is not I but my self-centeredness is to be blamed. Since I’m

self-centred, I don’t like anything done by you. I understand very well that my
disciples don’t understand anything but Guru, or stay with any person other
than Guru, but my self-centred nature doesn’t allow me to understand this. I
penned whatever came into my mind!

When I take you away from my lap and send you far off, do not even in your
illusion think that I don’t suffer agony. Am I then happy? Have you not read
that Hindu boys (like King Dasrath in the Ramayana) even sacrificed their life
for the sake of their son (Ram in the Ramayana)? I’m equally pained when I
send you far off. I always desire that you stay riveted to my chest, but the
fear in me that people may scorn and ridicule you as ‘docile’ and ‘worthless’
forces me to send you far off.

Am I at all ‘Mine’? For whom am I fiddling this dirt? You never make me
happy; rather always agitated me by showing remorse and lamentation.
Internally I am reduced to ashes, but I never express my agony to anyone.

Two years will lapse in the wink of an eye. From now on, I shall never tell you
to stay far off from me. Keep this document with you in safe custody for
future reference. Whenever you leave your studies, I get disgusted. When I
find any lapse in your efforts to become my most loved one, does it not imply
that you don’t desire to become my most loved one?

Source: Rajlaxmi’s manuscript.

=======

LETTER NO: 4:40

Jagdishpur, Sylhet, Monday, the 26th August, 1912

Anything material is undoubtedly poisonous; therefore, when desires arise in

living beings, they’re bound to suffer. Living beings, In their quest for
happiness, are always crazy for the material, but other than becoming
temporarily happy, materials can hardly make anyone permanently happy.

Anyway, since everything materializes by His power, one should duty-bound

always think of Him. Nothing materializes without His power. It is His light, His
water, His air. All energies are also His, yet we boast of ‘I’ and ‘my-my’.
Egoistic kriya and ego being the same, ‘my’ is completely erroneous. Are not
the feelings, ‘I-did-it’ or ‘I-need-it’ utterly wrong? As long as there is ego and
vanity, nothing but happiness-distress and various sufferings will arise.
Source: Rajlaxmi’s manuscript.
==========

LETTER NO: 4:41

From : Rajshahi

Friend! The reason why my letter to you yesterday was harsh was that when I
did not get any letter after reaching Dhaka, I became very agitated. I agree
that this was due to certain misunderstanding, but my feeling of distress did
not diminish by any means. Had you experienced the pain that I suffer when I
send you far off, every house of the whole of Bharat would possibly discuss
Yogeshwari. Anyway brother! If you’re pained, Gouranga (Chaitnya
Mahaprabhu) can again be made to reincarnate!

Don’t behave in a way that canl give scope for anyone to raise their finger. If
you cannot achieve anything in life, neither your father nor uncle will be
contented. There is a proverb, ‘Rice cannot boil nor be cooked by words”. If
your life becomes ‘life’, I’ll hurl shoes at them (the father and uncle of the
disciple to whom this letter is written). I’ll fix them. Leave this to me!

If my letter of yesterday was harsh,punish me when we meet. It will not be

unjust.

Source: Rajlaxmi’s manuscript.

=========

LETTER NO: 4:42

To: Yogeshwari
From: Silchar, Kachaar: Sunday, 25th August, 1912

Sister Bho! I came to know from your letter that Hemangini is writhing in
pain. Yesterday, I thought that I would get a letter informing me of
Hemangini’s condition, but didn’t get any. I’m passing my time, bBy day and
by night, in extreme anguish.

Meantime I got a letter of Chinta Haran. I learnt that he resigned from his job
as a teacher of Mahamuni School. He hasn’t said anything in that letter
relating to good-bad of the Ashram. I undoubtedly passed all my time of
these last few days in the state of anguish. It always comes to my mind that
advising people who take sense-knowledge as happiness will only prove
religion to be ‘irreligion’; therefore, all my efforts are merely futile. In trying
to make others understand, I myself have lost my understanding. Only
lamentation will remain on that final day of my departure.

When one does not understand this world as an illusion, and don’t get
attracted to Guru but gets attracted to other things, no advice can bear fruit,
rather all will take this advice as erroneous and harmful; this is why, it has
been repeatedly prohibited to give advice to any undeserving person; in
particular, I’m myself experiencing the outcome of giving advice to
undeserving persons.

The manner in which influence of samskaars of many past births is viewed is

the manner in which samskaars are taken as true. It’s impossible for the
senses to understand anything beyond samskaars just by thinking for one
year bypassing those long past samskaars; therefore, if you understand Guru
by your-understanding, your understanding of world illusion can only be like
‘yours’. Irrespective whether you’re happy or distressed, always do whatever
makes you understand Guru, otherwise you cannot cross over this world.
Soudamini! Take my blessings. Who at all understands for whom am I busy?
Living beings understand happiness-distress that accords with their
respective nature; therefore, when anything is against their nature, even
anything that’s helpful is taken as harmful. When the glow of fire enamours a
child and that child enters a fireplace, that child will definitely get burnt, but
does that child at all understand this? If anything is against my nature, I shall
take that to be harmful even if it is not. A thief stabs in the heart of a person
who stops him from committing theft. This proves that I shall take anything
that accords with my nature as ‘helpful’, and anything that does not accord
becomes ‘against’. A glutton eats stomach-full and suffers from dysentery,
and may even embrace death, yet if prevented from eating, they take it as a
crime; a person may die by eating prohibited food, yet gets angry when
advised to avoid eating that food.

Tell Buchidi (Rajlakshmi) that if she keeps on thinking of material life in this
manner, she cannot gain Bhagwan. When one prays for ‘water’, none can get
‘rice’. If His thoughts do not come in mind, then one day or the other,
material thoughts will cast them in the cauldron of the material.

Source: Rajlakshmi’s manuscript.

==========

LETTER NO: 4:43

Brothers! I got letters from you all. These make me happy. I went ecstatic
when I read the letters of Bho (Yogeshwari) and Hungu! These made me feel,
‘All are crazy for their Guru and all are determined to think of none but their
Guru; none thinks of, or will ever think of anyone but Guru’.

But I’m most unfortunate! All my time goes down the drain! The sun is about
to set. Neither have I thought of Guru nor do I hope that I shall do so. By day
and by night, I only keep on thinking of my brothers and relatives and
advising others to think of Guru. But do I think of Guru? At times, it occurs to
me that I advise others to think of Guru whereby they take Guru as their life
of life, but do I myself think of Guru? Will I be the cause of their destruction?

Source: Rajlakshmi’s manuscript.

=======
 LETTER NO: 4: 44
To: Jogeshwari
From: 25, Sagar Dutta Lane, Calcutta; Year 1914

Why are you so agitated? Why are you impatient? Do you disbelieve me?
You’ve written in your letter that you’re laid low by fever, yet why are you
getting agitated? Why are you irritating me? You needn’t be impatient or get
agitated. As long as I’m alive, I’m yours and shall be yours. My relationship
with you is not material. Since I’ve never thought of you on the basis of a
body-relationship, I can never become attached to you. Those who take me
to be ‘my’ on the basis of body drifted away; rather I’ve pushed them away
and will continue to do so. Soul being pure, sublime and unchangeable, those
with whom my relationship is Soul-based will never snap.

I am planning to leave for Silchar on the 7th of Poush (of Bengali calendar). I’ll
write letters only till the 6th.. I shall not be able to write on the 7th and 8th. On
8th night, I shall stay with Sarada at his Comilla residence. I shall leave for
Silchar on the 9th, When I reach there on the 10th, I shall begin to write my
letters. I have no option other than stay in these hills till the 19th. Do not get
impatient or agitated, if so, you’ll make me agitated.

Suren now says that if I agree to stay with him at all times, then he can, after
few days, become free from his attachment towards Ma (wife). He laid a
condition that Hemangini cannot stay with me, but its fine if someone else
stays. As for me, this is not possible. He and I cannot possibly become one.
The bottom line is that he is now fully drawn towards his home and wife.

I’m unable to take care of the Ashram by any means; this is why, today I
started writing a letter to Ramesh but could not complete, because your
thoughts crept into mind when I started writing.
Today I reached Sreemangal (in Sylhet, present Bangladesh) via Silchar. Do
not get impatient. I get a feeling that it’s not possible to impart education in
Jagatpur Ashram any longer; whatever education that is now given in
Jagatpur Tol must stop. When we meet, never hide anything from me.
Express everything boldly. Be fearless.

Always keep in mind that unless you discard the material and materialists, it’s
impossible to gain Guru-jnan. Only now I can realize that Bisa’s brain is totally
corrupted; any attempt to set him right is futile. I can now be saved if by
some means or the other, he can focus on his wife. Although no loss or gain
will accrue to me because of Bisa, I’ll consider a gain if he gets attracted to
family life properly. I became agitated when I got your letter. Nothing appeals
to me anymore.

I’m not writing separately to Hungi Didi or to the other sisters. Read this
letter collectively. Since I’ve no capacity to bear all Ashram expenses, none
other than five to seven disciples can stay in the Ashram.

On hearing of Buchi’s (Rajlakshmi) illness, I’m worried for her. How is ‘X’
(name not mentioned)? Since everyone is complaining of something or the
other, I pass my time sorting complaints. As long as there are material
desires, an Ashram is nothing but a public demonstration. Don’t get
impatient when you get this letter. Continue with your sadhana. Become
determined to depend on Guru.

I’ll reply to Chinta Haran when I reach Silchar. Does Bisa write anything
relating to him? Chinta Haran always enquires about Bisa. Today I wrote to
you only in bits and pieces.

Source: Hand-written manuscript. This letter is signed by Guru Purnanand

as ‘Basan’ and is now in Jamshedpur Asham
=====