MOTHER MARY

PILOT

STORY BY
Casey Feigh, Dan Gregor & Betsy Sodaro

WRITTEN BY
Casey Feigh & Dan Gregor

Production Simplification Draft

PopTV Approved
11.10.19

PRODUCED BY
Handsome Iguana Inc.
 COLD OPEN
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A crappy Valley apartment. Beer bottles and Taco Hut wrappers
clutter the living room. Dead house plants line the window.
On the couch in the middle of it all sleeps MARY COX (30ish).
She’s a disheveled mess. She fell asleep watching TV again as
her light, contented snoring rumbles underneath the blaring
of a late-night evangelist infomercial (*stock footage).
TV EVANGELIST (O.S.)
...If you send 100 dollars now my
children, you WILL have a miracle
befall you! You WILL have success--
SUDDENLY THE TV STATICS AND CUTS OUT.
OUTSIDE THE WINDOW, FOR THE BRIEFEST MOMENT, THE SKY JOLTS A
MYSTERIOUS GLOW.
IT JOLTS AGAIN! THE LIGHT ON THE TV MATCHES THE GLOW OUTSIDE.
And then it recedes back into nothing. The TV returns to its
normal programming. Mary sleeps through it all, oblivious...
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING - HOURS LATER
Early morning, Mary startles herself awake with a fart.
MARY
Passed out inside this time. Nice.
She rubs her eyes and groggily walks to the kitchen, when she
passes a MIRROR and something stops her dead in her tracks.
We PAN DOWN to REVEAL she has a MASSIVE PREGNANT BELLY.
MARY (CONT’D)
WHAT... THE...
She looks down in horror to see, YEP, that is in fact her
real, actual belly and it is giant like a beach ball, poking
out from beneath her too tight shirt. Her eyes widen in
complete horror...
MARY (CONT’D)
FUUUUUUU--
END OF COLD OPEN
ACT 1
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING - CONTINUOUS
Mary, moments later, mortified, tries to pull down her shirt.
11.10.19 2.

MARY
DREW!!!! Come quick!!!!
DREW (30ish), her roommate comes running out of his room,
dressed in khakis and an IKEA polo shirt.
DREW
What?! Did you try to flush chicken
bones again--
He sees her belly.
DREW (CONT’D)
HOLY SHIT!! What happened to your
belly? When did this happen?!
MARY
I don’t know! I woke up like this!
DREW
You look pregnant. Very pregnant.
MARY
I know! But how could I be
pregnant? I haven’t had sex in...
DREW
14 months, 3 weeks. I remember
cause it was the same day I saw
Dean Cain in a Panera. But is there
anything you didn’t tell me?
MARY
No! I mean, I did some hand stuff
with a guy in the Lazy River in
August!? Maybe it’s from that?!
DREW
No you get shingles from lazy
rivers, not pregnant. It must be
something else.
MARY
What? Like a hysterical pregnancy?
Or I ate a whole packet of Cinnabon
sauce before bed, maybe it’s some
new strange kind of fat pocket.
Drew tries to pinch her belly.
MARY (CONT’D)
OWWW! DREW!
DREW
Wow. That is really hard. Not like
any of your other fatty lumps. I
think you need to see a doctor.
11.10.19 3.

MARY
Eh, you know how I feel about doctors.
DREW
They make you examine your life
choices?
MARY
Exactly. And what, am I just gonna
pay for a doctor? Who has that kind
of money? I’m not a teacher.
DREW
Look, I gotta get to work and I’m
going to Lonzo’s after, but please
call a doctor.
MARY
Fine... I’ll call the doctor.
That’s like CVS, right?
DREW
I just texted you a number for one.
If you’re lucky, it’s some weird
giant gas bubble and you’ll poop it
out in a day. Like when you
swallowed those batteries. Although
this seems bigger than that.
MARY
Plus, I remembered swallowing the
batteries.
Drew EXITS. Mary sits on the couch, alone with her thoughts.
MARY (CONT’D)
(to herself)
Crap... this is a lot to deal with.
She takes a big rip from a bong. Ahhhhh no more thoughts.
PING! It’s a notice from an Instacart app on Mary’s phone,
alerting her to a job delivering groceries. She ignores it.
IN HER HEAD WE BEGIN TO HEAR A RHYTHMIC THROBBING. It’s
punctuated with a PING, her app saying “DO YOU ACCEPT?” THE
RHYTHMIC THROBBING BEAT GROWS. PING! “DO YOU ACCEPT?”
Frustrated, she accepts the job. She puts on a big sweatshirt
to cover her belly, and LEAVES.
EXT. MARKET STREET - DAY
Mary, wearing an Instacart hat, leaves a market lugging a
bunch of grocery bags. In the background a local newspaper
headline reads “Strange Sky Glow Last Night.” Mary scrolls
through FACEBOOK on her phone as she walks.
11.10.19 4.

We see post after post of her family, white Irish Catholic

faces, holding babies and small children glowingly.
BETSY
Yuck. And they wonder why I never
go home to visit.
She scrolls to a pic of LIZ & HUSBAND with huge smiles
holding an ultrasound. The caption: “WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!! I
CAN’T BELIEVE IT! GOD IS GREAT. #MIRACLEBABY”.
BETSY (CONT’D)
Whoa. Barren Cousin Liz is
pregnant? I thought she took a
harpoon to the ovaries...
Mary passes a SIGN GUY, one of those crazy religious dudes,
holding a sign and shouting to no one in particular.
SIGN GUY
Repent sinners! Repent!
Suddenly like an antenna finding its frequency, Sign Guy is
focused directly on Mary.
SIGN GUY (CONT’D)
Hail, O’ favored one.
MARY
(looking up from phone)
Uhh, I don’t have any change.
SIGN GUY
Hail, O’ favored one, he who is
Most High hath come upon you!
MARY
Look, I’ve been “most high” too, but
you’re not coming anywhere upon me.
But the look in SIGN GUY’s eyes is truly unnerving.
SIGN GUY
Do not be afraid, Mary.
MARY
OK! Too late for that! How do you
know my name?
SIGN GUY
For you shall be the shepherd unto
the lamb.
MARY
NO! I don’t want anything to do
with your farm, sir!
11.10.19 5.

She rushes into her car, slams the door, and drives off, as
Sign Guy screams in the distance. What the fuck is happening?
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Drew on the couch, texting and giggling. Mary ENTERS.
DREW
Hey, how was the doctor?
MARY
(ignoring the question)
I thought you were gonna be at
Lonzo’s? He stood you up, didn’t
he? Didn’t want to say anything but
that guy sucks.
DREW
You say it all the time. And he
didn’t stand me up. I went to his
place, he cooked me kelp noodles,
we blew each other and I came home.
We’re actually sexting right now.
MARY
Uch. Gross. Kelp noodles?
DREW
(moving on)
So? Come on, I wanna know, what’s
happening with your belly?
MARY
Well, I’ll tell you. This big ol’
gas tummy really gets people’s
emotions running high. A crazy guy
screamed at me. Then a bunch of my
deliveries assumed I was pregnant,
so they tipped me HUGE! Pity rules.
It’s like my app jobs almost pay a
living wage now! So howsbout you
stop sexting, and we start sipsting
some margaritas. First drink free if
you bring your own frog mug and say
“let’s get ribbeted up.”
She opens a cabinet to reveal dozens of frog mugs.
DREW
No one makes you say “get ribbeted
up.” And you’re not taking this
seriously enough. You didn’t go to
the doctor, did you?

MARY
What? You don’t know that.
11.10.19 6.

DREW
Yes. I do. Because I’m still logged
in on your Find My Phone.

MARY
That’s an invasion of privacy! You
were only supposed to use that
because I was lost at a 311 concert-

MARY (CONT'D) DREW

-and ended up in Mexico. -and ended up in Mexico. *

MARY
I’m NOT pregnant Drew! How could I
possibly be pregnant?
DREW
I don’t know what you have, but
it’s horrifying and I don’t want
you to die!
MARY
Aaaaw, you’re sweet. You don’t want
me to die? And I don’t want you to
die. Now can we please just ignore
this problem and it will go away.
Like when we found out there was
asbestos in our walls.
A clump of wall falls in the background.
MARY (CONT’D)
Pregnancy, asbestos, brake
lining... these are adult problems.
We don’t do adult problems, dude.
DREW
I do adult problems, dude.
MARY
Remember what we nicknamed this
apartment when we moved in?
DREW
The Fart Factory?
MARY
No.
DREW
1 gay, a girl and a pizza box?
MARY
No.
11.10.19 7.

DREW
Dexter’s Laboratory but sexy?
MARY
No! We called it Neverland!
DREW
Oh yeah, I guess we said that once.
We should definitely not call it
that anymore.
MARY
Because in here we never have to
grow up. We’re Peter Pan! We party
and have fun!
DREW
OK, I thought you might ignore all
reasonable medical advice. So,
here. Go Tinkerbell on this.
Drew hands Mary a pregnancy test.
DREW (CONT’D)
I’m worried about you. And kinda
wanted to role play as a straight
guy buying this for a one night
stand. I wore my baggiest jeans to
really sell the look.
(off Mary’s look)
I don’t want you to end up as one
of those “I didn’t know I was
pregnant and had my baby in a
McDonald’s bathroom” ladies.
MARY
Ugh. Fine. But this is pointless.
INT. MARY’S BATHROOM - A LITTLE LATER
Mary holds the used pregnancy test, waiting for the results.
MARY
(yelling out the door)
You know, we could be at Frogtown
Louie’s playing erotic photo hunt,
getting ribbeted up, but I gotta
prove to you I’m not-
Mary looks at the pregnancy test in shock.
MARY (CONT’D)
(to herself)
I’m actually pregnant. FUUUUUUUU----
END ACT 1
11.10.19 8.

ACT 2
INT. CLINIC - DOCTOR’S OFFICE - DAY
Mary and Drew sit across from a doctor. They’re both nervous.
MARY
So... I’m... pregnant.
(then)
Well, except I didn’t have sex.
DREW
(off Doctor’s confusion)
No, you see, she’s had sex but it
was a while ago. Oh, and not with
me. I’m her best friend, Drew.
(whispered to doctor)
Gay.
Doctor looks more dubious. Mary & Drew nervously speed up.
MARY
And it came all at once. Like no
belly. I mean, there was always
some belly. But then all of a
sudden BAM! THIS BELLY! It’s crazy.
I thought it was just farts--
DREW
It’s usually farts. But I made her
take the test.
MARY
Which I failed.
DREW
Not failed. Haha. She passed? She
won?
MARY
I lost.
DREW
Was given a gift.
MARY
That I’d like to return.
DREW
And we understand this might seem
very late to return a gift. Like,
out of the return policy window.
11.10.19 9.

MARY
But my gift was like a sweater that
didn’t fit and I don’t want it and
think is gross and VERY expensive
and now I want you to get rid of
all the pieces of sweater inside my
vagina. So...?
The doctor stares at Mary and Drew, now soaked in sweat.
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT - DAY
Drew and Mary enter the apartment.
MARY
I can’t believe she called me a liar.
DREW
I’ve never seen a doctor more
insistent on adoption. She said
you’d make a terrible mom.
MARY
I agreed with that part.
DREW
You know, something I used to tell
myself before I knew I was gay and
thought the church wasn’t insane is
“Everything happens for a reason.”
MARY
You think that’s true?
DREW
...Maybe?
Drew looks at his phone, he reads a text and LAUGHS.
MARY
Oh is this funny to you?
DREW
No. God no. This is tragic. Lonzo
just said something funny.
MARY
(sarcastic)
Oh he did! Was it funny?! Will it
make me LOL this baby out of my
cooch?? CAUSE THAT’S WHAT I’M
DEALING WITH!!
DREW
I know. I’m here too. Jeez.
11.10.19 10.

MARY
No doctor is gonna tell me I can’t
not have a baby. When I set my mind
to not do something, nothing can
start me.
Just then Mary’s t-shirt RIPS.
MARY (CONT’D)
AH! Nothing fits me anymore. Can I
borrow one of your XXXL t-shirts
from when you were fat?
DREW
Sure. I’ll grab you a Big Dog.
Drew EXITS to his bedroom, when something catches Mary’s eye:
The row of house plants on the kitchen windowsill, are no
longer dead... In fact THEY ARE ALL LUSHLY GROWING.
MARY
(calling off)
Drew? Did you buy new house plants?
DREW (O.S.)
No. Why?
MARY
Cause they’re alive and I haven’t
watered them since my mom brought
them here to make the apartment
seem less like “a place raccoons
come to die.”
DREW (O.S.)
That is strange...
Mary paces, frustrated. As the pressure mounts we go into her
head... BANG! BANG! BANG! A DRUMMING RHYTHMIC BEAT ESCALATES.
MARY
It’s not fair Drew. Why is this
happening? All I’ve ever wanted was
to not have a stupid family like my
stupid family and now it’s just
gonna happen anyway?! I wish I had
a reset button.
BANG! BANG! BANG! She can’t take it anymore!
EXT. MARY’S APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
Mary sticks her head out the window and yells down, as we
INTERCUT OUTSIDE...
11.10.19 11.

MARY
HEY! KNOCK IT OFF! I’m trying to
have emotions up here!
We REVEAL below, a BUCKET DRUMMER (AKA LIL DRUMMER BOY)
street performer outside her window drumming his heart out.
MARY (CONT’D)
Go move your dumb Stomp bucket
somewhere else. Nobody’s wants it!
BUCKET DRUMMER
Strangest thing though, I woke up
this morning and just had a spirit
come over me to set-up RIGHT here.
And it’s working, right? I mean you
came to listen.
MARY
I didn’t “come” to listen. I live
here!
She throws a plant out her window, almost hitting him.
LIL DRUMMER BOY
HEY! That plant hitting the ground
had a nice drum-like sound to it!
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT - DAY
Mary comes in, as Drew enters with an XXXL Big Dog t-shirt.
DREW
Whoa! Mary, calm down! You can’t be
throwing things out the window.
MARY
(opening up)
I’m freaking out Drew, I need you--
Just then, Drew’s phone BUZZES from a text. Drew glances at
it and holds in a small laugh, ignoring Mary opening up.
MARY (CONT’D)
Oh my god! Are you laughing at a
text from Lonzo right now?
DREW
I’m sorry! There’s this lady on
instagram who has 70 pugs...
literally 70 pugs and that’s crazy--
Mary rips Drew’s phone out of his hand.
11.10.19 12.

MARY
I don’t want to hear about the
crazy pug lady! I don’t want to
hear about Lonzo!
Mary chucks the phone out the window!
EXT. MARY’S APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
The phone hits Lil’ Drummer Boy with a THUNK.
LIL DRUMMER BOY
OW! That just hurt! Nothing
percussive about it!
MARY
Your drumming sucks! Go away!
LIL DRUMMER BOY
(yelling up to her)
OK, but check me out on socials!
It’s @LilDrummerBoy!
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS
Drew is shocked and furious.
DREW
Holy hell, my phone! Are you
serious right now?
MARY
You’re supposed to be my best
friend, you’re supposed to help me!
DREW
I am! I bought the pregnancy test,
took you to the doctor, you’re
wearing my clothes. I’ve done
nothing but help you.
MARY
Oh really?? Then why am I still
pregnant?!?
DREW
Because you had sex Mary! That’s
how it works!
MARY
You don’t believe me!? You think I’m
lying about how I got pregnant!?
11.10.19 13.

DREW
Actually worse. I think you’re a
drunk, stoned mess, and who the
hell knows what weird sex you don’t
remember having at some blackout
Frogtown margarita special.
MARY
You always said those were some of
my best qualities! Back in college,
I met you passed out under urinal
ice. You were the coolest!
DREW
Well, I’ve changed! People have to
change Mary!
MARY
No they don’t, Drew! Screw you!
Your loose belly skin looks like a
Pirates of the Caribbean villain
and I hope you choke on an IKEA
meatball.
DREW
Uch, Mary, you are being such a
(whispers, totally inaudible)
...bitch.
MARY
What was that?!
DREW
I just said...
(mouths the word “bitch”)
MARY
AH! You said bitch! If you think
I’m such a bitch have the Swedish
meatballs to say it to my face.
DREW
FINE! YOU’RE BEING A
(Polite, library level voice)
bitch. Your life is not my problem.
I’m going to Lonzo’s.
MARY
Go to Lonzo’s! I love it when two
people I hate hang out together!
Hot and angry, Drew EXITS, slamming the door. Mary cools down
for just a moment. She opens the cabinet, grabbing a frog mug
and a beer...
When suddenly a JOLT OF BRIGHT LIGHT SHOOTS FROM THE TV! Mary
drops the frog mug on the ground shocked.
11.10.19 14.

MARY (CONT’D)
WHAT?!
ANOTHER JOLT OF LIGHT FROM THE TV!
MARY (CONT’D)
AHH!!
Mary grabs a nearby baseball bat and SHATTERS THE TV! (*PROP
TV, no glass, done with sound effects.)
Then the same LIGHT EXPLODES from behind her bedroom door!
The apartment shakes as if in an earthquake! A swell of
heavenly harps pierce Mary’s ears.
Out of her bedroom, in a rush of light and smoke, bursts
GABRIEL, in a Taco Hut uniform.
MARY (CONT’D)
DON’T KILL ME! KILL DREW! HE’S AT
LONZO’S!
GABRIEL
Be not afraid.
MARY
WHAT THE SHIT? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
GABRIEL
I am the Angel Gabriel.
MARY
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
GABRIEL
I am the herald of God. I come
bearing great news.
MARY
Why are you in a Taco Hut uniform?
GABRIEL
An angel takes the form that most
appeals to the anointed.
MARY
(nodding)
Taco Hut guy. Okay, go on...
GABRIEL
God has chosen you to be the mother
of the coming Messiah. Your child,
God’s child, will come in glory to
judge the living and the dead and
God’s kingdom will have no end.
11.10.19 15.

MARY
My friends don’t even trust me to
house sit. God wants me to have his
kid?
GABRIEL
Yes. He sees something in you pure,
something holy, something-
Mary cracks a beer can and drinks.
GABRIEL (CONT’D)
I don’t know, God sees...
something.
MARY
But I’m not religious. Last time I
went to church was when my friends
tricked me into going to an AA
meeting. I can’t raise the leader
of the free world.
GABRIEL
That’s the president. This is much
bigger. Surely you saw the signs?
Your plants sprouting new life, the
prophetic man outside your car, the
little drummer boy come to hark the
praises...
MARY
Wait, Bucket Dude’s with you?
GABRIEL
You know the Christmas carol, Come
they told me, pa rum pum pum pum.
MARY
...Pa rum pum pum pum? What are you
even talking about?
GABRIEL
Surely you thought something
miraculous was happening when your
barren cousin was now with child.
MARY
Wait, Barren Cousin Liz? That’s in
the bible?! I don’t really know the
deep cuts.
GABRIEL
(frustrated)
OK, but, I mean, you noticed you
have a HUGE PREGNANT BELLY, even
though you didn’t have sex, right?
11.10.19 16.

MARY
That I did. Look, Taco Hut guy, I’m
not gonna just believe you cause
you sneak into my house and point
out some weird bible coincidences.
There must be some mistake.
GABRIEL
God does not make mistakes. Hold
that bowl of old cereal and milk.
MARY
Is this a sex thing?
GABRIEL
What? No. Hold it. God has given
you a gift.
She reluctantly picks up a bowl of old cereal on the table.
GABRIEL (CONT’D)
Now, part the milk with your mind.
Mary just looks at him incredulously.
GABRIEL (CONT’D)
Try this. Pretend you’re parting
your hair, but focus on the milk.
MARY
You don’t want to see me with
parted hair, I look like a Little
Rascal on speed. It’s nasty.
GABRIEL
(snapping)
You’re not literally parting your
hair, I’m trying to show you
something important!
(catching himself)
Sorry. I shouldn’t yell. I’m better
than that. You are just... a lot.
MARY
OK man, lemme try your dumb cereal
thing so we can just end this.
She focuses looking at the bowl of milk, and with her empty
hand mimes parting her hair.
Suddenly THE MILK IN THE BOWL STARTS TO MOVE. IT RUMBLES
AROUND AND THEN SPLITS ITSELF, PARTING TO OPPOSITE SIDES!
Mary’s eyes go wide, she drops the bowl, shattering it!
11.10.19 17.

MARY (CONT’D)
(completely panicked now)
OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!
THIS IS REAL?! No, no, no!
GABRIEL
I understand, learning God exists
is indeed a profound experience.
MARY
What? No! This isn’t about God. It’s
about me! I can’t raise a baby! Ever
since I moved out of my parent’s
house, I’ve focused my life on having
fun. I party, I drink, I eat those
new pizza burritos... I don’t worry
about adult crap like having kids or
working my way up at IKEA and dating
a man named Lonzo. So, my final
answer is: Pass!
GABRIEL
You can’t pass. What do you mean
pass? I feel like you’re focusing
on all the wrong parts of what I’m
trying to tell you.
MARY
Sorry brah. I can’t do this. I’m
gonna take care of it.
GABRIEL
You CANNOT ABORT GOD’S CHILD!
MARY
You sound like my doctor.
GABRIEL
No! Promise me you will not abort
the child of God! YOU MAY NOT!
Gabriel’s EYES START TO GLOW with anger.
MARY
Fine. I won’t. Jeez, with the
glowing eyes, so dramatic dude.
Gabriel calms himself, straightens his clothes, and heads
towards the front door.
GABRIEL
OK. Good. Now I’m sure this all
must be a lot for a mortal to
process, so I’m going to give you
some space to spiritually reflect
and transform your conception of
existence and reality.
(MORE)
11.10.19 18.

GABRIEL (CONT'D)
If you need my guidance I have been
put on earth to help you.
MARY
So... you’ll just magically appear?
GABRIEL
(annoyed)
I’m not magic. I’m an angel. But
yes, I’ll appear to you.
MARY
Then why are you leaving through
the front door?!
GABRIEL
How else am I supposed to leave?
Gabriel EXITS.
MARY
(calling after him)
You’re making this very hard to
believe!
Mary has a sour look on her face...
MARY (CONT’D)
Nobody tells me what to do.
As MONTAGE MUSIC KICKS IN...
INT. MARY’S KITCHEN - DAY
Mary, smoking a cigarette, turns her microwave on and
struggles to get her belly pushed right up to the glass. She
opens the microwave and shoves her belly inside it.
EXT. PARK - DAY
Mary drinks from a handle of vodka, and walks up to A FAMILY
with a Slip and Slide. Without asking, Mary runs and slides
hard, belly-first down the Slip and Slide, coming to an
abrupt stop. The family looks on in shock.
MARY
(standing up)
It’s fine. It’s not my baby. Also
that thing could use some water.
We see the Dad is holding a hose, not yet turned on.

EXT. PARK - DAY

Mary rolls down a hill, as people look on concerned.
11.10.19 19.

MARY
Not my baaaaaaaabyyyyyyy!
EXT. PARK - BASEBALL FIELDS - DAY
A MOTHER is pitching softballs to her TEENAGE DAUGHTER for
batting practice. The mother throws the ball, and Mary
SPRINTS right in front of the batter as she swings to get
NAILED IN THE BELLY. She collapses in terrible pain.
MARY
Not my baby. Who runs the world?
Girls.
EXT. PARK - PARKING LOT / INT. MARY’S CAR - DAY
Mary sits in her car, staring at her belly. It looks exactly
the same. She starts to SCREAM as we CUT SUPER WIDE...
MARY
AHHHHH!
A BEAT of hopeless silence. She closes her eyes, in prayer.
MARY (CONT’D)
Please. I wish had a reset button.
Suddenly SMACK! Something hits her windshield! Mary startled,
gets out of her car to see what it is.
On the ground is... A FROG MUG. FALLEN FROM THE SKY.
MARY (CONT’D)
It’s a sign!!!
She picks up the mug, gets in the car, types something into
her phone, and drives off.
GPS NAVIGATOR (O.S.)
Navigating to Frogtown Louie’s.
When she drives off we REVEAL Slip-and-Slide-Dad with one of
his kids, who is throwing a temper tantrum.
SLIP AND SLIDE DAD
Aiden! I told you stop throwing
your things! Wait, did that lady
just take your frog cup and drive
off with it? What an asshole.
EXT. FROGTOWN LOUIE’S / SHADY BUILDING - DAY
Mary pulls up outside a bar, holding the frog mug. But when
she gets to the door it’s locked, empty. A sign reads “CLOSED
DUE TO UNEXPECTED FLOODING”.
11.10.19 20.

MARY
Come on! Unexpected flooding? Who
expects flooding? This blows.
Mary turns around defeated. But something catches her eye. A
nondescript door to a shady building across the street with a
small sign... She walks over to take a closer look.

It reads: THE RESET BUTTON, INC.

She looks amazed at the frog mug in her hand.

MARY (CONT’D)
The Reset Button? Is this where you
were bringing me, Frog Mug?
She rings the buzzer.
MARY (CONT’D)
(into buzzer)
Uhhh, hello?
The voice on the other end is garbled and unintelligible.
VOICE FROM BUZZER (O.S.)
BBRRJJJVERRRR GGGRRDDDRRRR
MARY
Uhhh, this is Mary Cox, I get drunk
across the street a lot. I’ve never
noticed this place before, but I
think a magical frog mug is telling
me to come here? I’m not drunk now.
The DOOR UNLOCKS and SLOWLY OPENS on its own. Mary looks into
the dark and scary entrance, unsure of what lies ahead. She
trepidatiously steps forward.
MARY (CONT’D)
(to herself)
This isn’t scary. This isn’t scary.
(beat)
Frooooog---
The door slams shut behind her.

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE
EXT. SHADY BUILDING - DAY
As the door abruptly shuts behind her, she suddenly finds
herself in...
11.10.19 21.

INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY

An oddly normal looking medical waiting room. Several other
woman sit and wait, reading magazines. Mary is dumbfounded.
What is this place... She signs in. She sits down and talks
to a pregnant WOMAN.
MARY
Hi. So.... Come here often?
The woman is offended, and turns away from her. Mary looks to
her other side and is startled to find GABRIEL SITTING NEXT
TO HER.
GABRIEL
You’re trash.
MARY
AHHH!!! Did you just magically
teleport into here?!
GABRIEL
Uch. “Magic” is SUCH an offensive
thing to say to angels. It’s like a
racial slur.
(then)
I can’t believe you’re trying to do
the exact thing you promised you
wouldn’t do.
MARY
What? What am I trying to do?
GABRIEL
Do you know what this place is?
MARY
No!? An escape room? They’re
everywhere now.
GABRIEL
No. It’s a No-Questions-Asked
Doctor’s office.
(off Mary still confused)
You promised you wouldn’t try to
get an abortion.
Off Mary starting to understand what this place is.
INT. MARY’S APARTMENT - DAY
Drew ENTERS carrying Rockstar Energy drinks and donuts.
DREW
Hey Mary? You home? I got apology
Rockstars and donuts. Can we make
up--
11.10.19 22.

Drew sees the smashed TV, broken glass and general chaos.
DREW (CONT’D)
Whoa... Mary!? Are you here?! I’m
not mad you smashed my TV! Hello?!
(pulling out his phone)
Where would Mary go after a huge
freakout to forget about her
problems?
Drew reads Mary’s location on his app.
DREW (CONT’D)
(to himself)
To get ribbeted up.
Drew bolts out the door.
INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY
As they were.
MARY
I swear I didn’t know what it was.
I just came here to the bar across
the street to get wasted enough to
puke myself to death.
GABRIEL
Mary! You can’t do that either.
This is the Devil’s way of
challenging you.
MARY
You’re saying the Devil. The
literal Devil-Satan-Horn-guy
flooded my favorite margarita bar
and put a secret abortion clinic
across the street to challenge me?
GABRIEL
For a dark lord of hellfire he is
surprisingly good with plumbing and
municipal permitting. There’s gonna
be a lot of challenges on this
journey. It’s your job to not
succumb to them.
MARY
Not succumb? That’s all I do. To
everything. There isn’t a
temptation I haven’t succumbed the
shit out of my whole life. That’s
exactly why I shouldn’t have God’s
stupid baby.
11.10.19 23.

GABRIEL
Man, do I agree with that. You
know, God told me this was gonna be
easy. That you would just be like
weeping with joy. And I’d have
plenty of time to check out all the
new cool earth stuff, like EDM and
vaping and cotton gins. But I’m
stuck here, with you. Just like
you’re stuck with that.
(re: belly)
MARY
(helpless)
But... but... I’m pro-choice.
GABRIEL
So am I. But that’s not what this
is.
Nurse enters with the sign in sheet.
NURSE
Mary Cox?
Mary turns and Gabriel has magically DISAPPEARED.
MARY
Ah! I really don’t understand how
he exits and enters places.
NURSE
The doctor will see you now.
Mary turns back to the nurse unsure of what she will choose.
PUSH INTO Mary’s head as we hear SIRENS blaring, JUMP CUT TO:
INT. WAITING ROOM - LATER
SIRENS blare from smoke alarms whirling around as Drew enters
a now empty, smokey room.
DREW
Mary!
Nurse is trying to gather patients files from the cabinet.
NURSE
Sir you can’t be in here.
DREW
What happened?
NURSE
There was a small fire. It set off
the alarms. Strangest thing really.
(MORE)
11.10.19 24.

NURSE (CONT'D)
Out of nowhere a ficus just burst
into flames.
A FIREFIGHTER walks past them.
FIREFIGHTER
(yelling to his crew)
We’re gonna need sand, the water’s
not making a dent on that ficus.
And uhh, did anyone else hear it
talk? I swear that plant told me to
fight the Egyptians.
ANGLE BACK on Drew.
DREW
That is weird. I’m sorry I’m
looking for my friend, she was just
here. What is this, an escape room?
NURSE
Uhhh... are you a cop?
DREW
No. I work in the IKEA juniors
section.
NURSE
Well, that’s too weird of an answer
to be a lie.
(sotto)
We’re an unlicensed surgical
center. You need anything weird?
We’ll do whatever. Calf implants?
Permanent cat eyes?
DREW
(realizing)
Abortions?
NURSE
If she didn’t get it already before
the fire, then we referred patients
to another location. She’s probably
headed there now.
Off Drew’s concern...
INT. MARY’S CAR / EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - DAY
Mary parks her car on a suburban street. We only view Mary in
CLOSE and from BEHIND, never revealing the state of her
stomach. She looks around her parked car at the mess that is
her life: energy drinks, parking tickets, empty pizza boxes,
a dried up fish tank, and a bag of spilled groceries.
11.10.19 25.

Mary cries. The cry settles, she sighs deeply, fixes her hair
and grabs the groceries, exiting the car.
EXT. CHRISTA ANTON’S HOME - DAY
Mary carries groceries to a bougie suburban house.
She rings the video doorbell, CHRISTA ANTON answers.
CHRISTA (O.S.)
Finally. Come to the back.
The door electronically opens, and Mary enters...
EXT. CHRISTA ANTON’S HOME - BACKYARD POOL - DAY
Christa, a snobby GOOP/yoga mom who is also VERY PREGNANT,
lays in a bathing suit on a float in the middle of her pool
intensely doing natal massages to her stomach.
CHRISTA
(to Mary, displeased)
What took you so long? I’m supposed
to have fish oil and ashwagandha
every 3 hours and this has really
thrown my schedule--
Then, REVEALING MARY IS STILL IN FACT PREGNANT...
CHRISTA (CONT’D)
Oh wow, you’re very pregnant. You
know you really shouldn’t be
lifting heavy items.
MARY
I’m doing a lot of stuff wrong,
lady. But tip me huge and I promise
to learn my lesson.
Just then, Drew appears behind her ENTERING through the house.
DREW
Mary stop! Don’t let this lady
perform an abortion on you!
CHRISTA
What?!
MARY
What? No Drew. This isn’t an
abortion clinic. It’s a really nice
house.
DREW
Yeah, I was pretty confused. It’s
very mid century modern.
11.10.19 26.

CHRISTA
It’s an Ellwood. You can tell by
the rigid structure encapsulating
freedom of thought.
Drew and Mary look at her for a beat, then turn back.
MARY
I didn’t get the abortion. I
couldn’t go through with it.
DREW
You realized it was a mistake?
MARY
No. I literally couldn’t go through
with it. A fire broke out and the
fire department kicked us all out.
Apparently, no matter what I want,
this is happening.
CHRISTA
I don’t mean to silence your truth,
but the pool is really my sanctuary.
DREW
This isn’t about you lady. Look,
fire aside, Mary, I came to say I’m
sorry.
MARY
You are?
DREW
Yeah. You’re my best friend. And I
want to help, no matter what.
MARY
But when the baby comes everything
is gonna change. You’re already one
foot out the door with Lonzo. This
baby’ll push us even farther apart.
Before I know it I’ll be some
bougie Goop yuck pool housewife.
CHRISTA
OK, now you’re coming at me AND
Gwyneth?
DREW
Or this baby brings us closer
together. Just because your life is
changing doesn’t mean you’re gonna
turn into what you hate. I won’t
let you. Mary, I’m not going
anywhere. I love you and our
apartment is rent controlled.
11.10.19 27.

MARY
You don’t understand, this isn’t
just some normal baby.
DREW
Every mom thinks that about their
kid.
MARY
I’m telling you, this one’s gonna
be weird. Like Criss Angel-weird.
Although NOT magic. That would be
racist.
DREW
Of course it’s gonna be weird. I
can’t wait to see how weird your
baby is. You’re the weirdest person
I know.
She laughs.
DREW (CONT’D)
I love you Mary.
Drew gives Mary a big hug. She finally seems to feel relief.
MARY
I love you too Drew.
(then)
Hey, let’s get out of here. I gotta
show you something important.
CHRISTA
Yes! Please! Get out of here! My
fetal tissue is very sensitive to
how unhealthy you both look.
DREW
This lady sucks. You’re gonna be a
much better mom.
CHRISTA
Ha! Not without fish oil
supplements she won’t be! Expect
sub standard visual and cognitive
development!
MARY
Thanks Drew.
Mary and Drew embrace and head OUT. A BEAT as Christa paddles
her way over to the groceries by the edge of the pool and
tries to get to her fish oil.
11.10.19 28.

CHRISTA
Won’t do that again. Gwyneth was
right, only get groceries at road
side stands in Tuscany. And look at
all this awful plastic.
SUDDENLY A STRANGE WIND HITS CHRISTA IN THE FACE, AS THE
WATERS IN HER POOL START TO RUMBLE. Christa grabs onto the
ledge, as THE WATER IN THE POOL PARTS TO BOTH SIDES!
Christa falls to the bottom with a THUD.
CHRISTA (CONT’D)
AAAAHHH!!!
The WATER SWELLS BACK TO NORMAL, COVERING HER in the process,
as we ANGLE BACK TO...
EXT. CHRISTA’S HOME - OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE - CONTINUOUS
Mary and Drew peak over the fence, watching it all.
MARY
So, believe me now that the only
dude who stuck it in me was God?
Drew is completely dumbfounded, as they turn and walk back to
her car parked out front.
DREW
Uhhh.... I’m... I don’t... I think
I need a moment to spiritually
reflect and transform my conception
of existence and reality.
MARY
Yeah, I guess that’s a thing you’re
supposed to do.
(then)
Hey, sorry I was being a selfish B.
I was scared. I’m still scared, but
at least I know I have you.
DREW
(putting it all together)
...to help you give birth to the
coming Messiah who will bring about
the end of days?
MARY
Yeah something like that.
They get in Mary’s car and pull off, as the weight of their
uncertain future hits them.
11.10.19 29.

MARY (CONT’D)
Hey, can we hit the Taco Hut drive
thru on the way home?
DREW
That’s what I was thinking too.
END OF ACT THREE

TAG
EXT. CHRISTA ANTON’S HOME - BACKYARD POOL - MOMENTS LATER
Christa comes up to the surface of the now filled again pool,
gasping for air. She flops her way out of the pool, drenched.
She catches her breath and towels off.
She looks down at her belly.
CHRISTA
(to her belly)
Was that you? Feisty today.
Somebody must be hungry.
She fishes into the grocery bag, pulls out a package of
bloody red raw meat, takes a piece and ferociously bites into
it. HER EYES GLOW A FIRE RED.
CHRISTA
(in a demonic growl)
SLAKE YOUR THIRST FOR BLOOD MY
ROUGH BEAST, AND SLOUCH TOWARDS
BETHLEHEM TO BE BORN.
Her belly glows red and something inside of it kicks with a
terrifying force.
Oh shit! This isn’t just a gentrifying asshole. It’s the
mother of the Anti-Christ! And her and Mary live in the same
zip-code! The Apocalypse just got local.
THE END