Family And Intimate

Relationships
Bisma Saleem Siddiqui
(2218-2019)
Personal Management
By Ma'am Amna
FAMILY AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS:
Introduction:
In human society, family (from Latin: familia) is a group of people related
either by consanguinity (by recognized birth) or affinity (by marriage or
other relationship). The purpose of families is to maintain the well-being of
its members and of society. Ideally, families would offer predictability,
structure, and safety as members mature and participate in the community.
In most societies, it is within families that children acquire socialization for
life outside the family, and acts as the primary source of attachment,
nurturing, and socialization for humans. Additionally, as the basic unit for
meeting the basic needs of its members, it provides a sense of boundaries for
performing tasks in a safe environment, ideally builds a person into a
functional adult, transmits culture, and ensures continuity of humankind
with precedents of knowledge.
Anthropologists generally classify most family organizations
as matrifocal (a mother and her children); patrifocal (a father and his
children); conjugal (a wife, her husband, and children, also called
the nuclear family); avuncular (for example, a grandparent, a brother, his
sister, and her children); or extended (parents and children co-reside with
other members of one parent's family).
Members of the immediate family may include spouses, parents,
grandparents, brothers, sisters, sons, and daughters. Members of the
extended family may include aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces,
and siblings-in-law. Sometimes these are also considered members of the
immediate family, depending on an individual's specific relationship with
them, and the legal definition of "immediate family" varies.[4] Sexual
relations with family members are regulated by rules concerning incest such
as the incest taboo.
The field of genealogy aims to trace family lineages through history. The
family is also an important economic unit studied in family economics. The
word "families" can be used metaphorically to create more inclusive
categories such as community, nationhood, and global village.
Family is one of Be Strong Families core values, beginning with
respect for and appreciation of others no matter how old, how
young, where they come from, what they’ve experienced, where

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they are, how capable they are, how healthy they are, who they love.
It extends to individual’s choices of who they call family – what
intentional, meaningful relationships they form. Our value of family
extends to community and to sisterhood and brotherhood.
Although we are united by this value, family means something
different to each of us
Family Types
Nuclear family: This is also known as the conjugal family or family of
procreation. Nuclear families are comprised of married partners and their
offspring. This is common in industrial societies, but it is not the most
common type of family in the world, although the practice is spreading
through modern development. Some anthropologists identify a second type
of nuclear family, the non-conjugal family. In this type of nuclear family,
there is one parent with dependent children. Additionally, there is the
polygymous family, which is comprised of multiple spouses and dependent
children (Lavenda and Schultz 2010; note that Lavenda and Schultz refer to
a polygynous family, not a polygymous family, but that term does not
encompass a married woman living with multiple husbands and dependent
children).
Extended family: The extended family is the most common type of family
in the world. Extended families include at least three generations:
grandparents, married offspring, and grandchildren.
Joint family: Joint families are composed of sets of siblings, theirs spouses,
and their dependent children.
Blended family: Blended families are becoming more common, especially
in industrial societies like the United States. A blended family is formed
when divorced or widowed parents who have children marry.
Family by Choice: A relatively newly recognized type of family, again
especially in industrial countries like the United States, is the family by
choice. The term was popularized by the LGBTQ (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual,
Transgender, Queer) community to describe a family not recognized by the
legal system. Family by choice can include adopted children, live-in
partners, kin of each member of the household, and close friends.
Increasingly family by choice is being practiced by unmarried people and
families who move away from the consanguine family.

 Ahern, Susan and Kent G. Bailey. 1996. Family By Choice, Creating

Family in a World of Stranger. Minneapolis: Fairview Press.

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  Bonvillain, Nancy. 2010. Cultural Anthropology, 2nd edition. Boston:
Pearson Education, Inc. Crapo, Richley. 2002. Cultural Anthropology:
Understanding Ourselves and Others. Boston: McGraw Hill Higher
Education.

 Ember, Carol R. and Melvin Ember. 2011. Cultural Anthropology,

13th edition. Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.

 Harris, Marvin and Oran Johnson. 2007. Cultural Anthropology, 7th

edition. Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.

 Lavenda Robert H. and Emily A. Schultz. 2010. Core Concepts in

Cultural Anthropology, 4th edition. Boston: McGraw Hill Higher
Education.

 Newcomb, Rachel. 2007. North Africa. In Encyclopedia of Women &

Islamic Cultures, Vol. 4, Afsaneh Najmabadi, Jacqueline Siapno and
Jane Smith, eds. Leiden, The Netherlands: Brill Academic Publishers,
p. 525-527.

 Schlegel, Alica. 1996. Hopi. In Encyclopedia of World Cultures, Vol.

1, North America, David Levinson and Timothy O’Leary, eds. New
York: macmillan Reference USA, p. 148-151.

 Wynn, Lisa. 2007. The Gulf. In Encyclopedia of Women & Islamic

Cultures, Vol. 4, Afsaneh Najmabadi, Jacqueline Siapno and Jane
Smith, eds. Leiden, The Netherlands: Brill Academic Publishers, p.
523-524.

Postmarital Residence Patterns

One thing that may help define a family is their place of residence after the
parents are married. There are several types of residence patterns:

Patrilocal: In this residence pattern the newlyweds live with or near the
husband’s family. This is the most common form found in the world. It is
common in societies where solidarity of the male group is important; e.g.,

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where there is heavy labor to be done or frequent warfare. Many cultures in
the Persian Gulf region and North Africa are patrilocal.

Matrilocal: This, the 2nd most common residence pattern, is found in

societies where the newly married couple moves in with or near the bride’s
family. This is found in gardening societies (horticulturalists) or groups
where warfare occurs with distant peoples and not near neighbors. The Hopi
of the American Southwest are one example of a matrilocal group.

Bilocal (ambilocal): This type of residence pattern is the bilocal or

ambilocal pattern. In this practice the bride and groom pick which family to
go live with or near. It is found in societies where extended kin networks
important and where land may be limited. The !Kung Bushmen are bilocal.

Neolocal: For this residence pattern, which is common in industrial

societies, newlyweds live separate from both the bride and groom’s parents.
They are economically independent from their parents. With the export of
American culture through modern development, the neolocal residence
pattern is becoming increasingly widespread.

Avunculocal: This residence pattern is found only in matrilineal societies

like the Trobriand Islanders where men of the family must be cohesive.
Usually it forms when warfare is not uncommon, but the threat is at some
distance. This pattern is characterized by the newlyweds living in or near the
house of groom’s mother’s brother.

An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that

involves physical or emotional intimacy. Although an intimate relationship
is commonly a sexual relationship,] it may also be a non-sexual relationship
involving family, friends, or acquaintances.
Emotional intimacy involves feelings of liking or loving one or more people,
and may result in physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized
by romantic love, sexual activity, or other passionate attachment. These
relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans
have a general desire to belong and to love, which is usually satisfied within
an intimate relationship. Such relationships allow a social network for
people to form strong emotional attachments.

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Intimacy
Intimacy involves the feeling of being in a close, personal association and
belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with
another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and
experience of the other. Genuine intimacy in human relationships
requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity. Dalton (1959)
discussed how anthropologists and ethnographic researchers access "inside
information" from within a particular cultural setting by establishing
networks of intimates capable (and willing) to provide information
unobtainable through formal channels.
In human relationships, the meaning and level of intimacy varies within and
between relationships. In anthropological research, intimacy is considered
the product of a successful seduction, a process of rapport building that
enables parties to confidently disclose previously hidden thoughts and
feelings. Intimate conversations become the basis for "confidences" (secret
knowledge) that bind people together
Sustaining intimacy for a length of time involves well-developed emotional
and interpersonal awareness. Intimacy involves the ability to be both
separate and together participants in an intimate relationship. Murray
Bowen called this "self-differentiation," which results in a connection in
which there is an emotional range involving both robust conflict and intense
loyalty. Lacking the ability to differentiate oneself from the other is a form
of symbiosis, a state that is different from intimacy, even if feelings of
closeness are similar.
Intimate behavior joins family members and close friends, as well as those in
love. It evolves through reciprocal self-disclosure and candor. Poor skills in
developing intimacy can lead to getting too close too quickly; struggling to
find the boundary and to sustain connection; being poorly skilled as a friend,
rejecting self-disclosure or even rejecting friendships and those who have
them. Psychological consequences of intimacy problems are found in adults
who have difficulty in forming and maintaining intimate relationships.
Individuals often experience the human limitations of their partners, and
develop a fear of adverse consequences of disrupted intimate relationships.
Studies show that fear of intimacy is negatively related to comfort with

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emotional closeness and with relationship satisfaction, and positively related
to loneliness and trait anxiety.
The interdependence model of Levinger and Snoek divides the development
of intimate relationship into four stages: the first one is zero contact stage,
which is no contact between the two parties in the relationship; The second
stage is awareness, which means people don't have any superficial or deep
contact with each other, but just know each other; The third stage is surface
contact, in which both parties know each other and have had superficial
contact; The fourth stage of coexistence phase (mutuality), refers to the
mutual dependence has greatly increased, there are also deep contact
existing.

Types
Scholars distinguish between different forms of intimacy,
including physical, emotional, cognitive, or spiritual intimacy.

 Physical intimacy may include being inside someone's personal

space, holding hands, hugging, kissing, heavy petting or other sexual
activity.
 Emotional intimacy, particularly in sexual relationships, typically
develops after a certain level of trust has been reached and personal
bonds have been established. The emotional connection of "falling in
love", however, has both a biochemical dimension driven through
reactions in the body stimulated by sexual attraction
(PEA, phenylethylamine), and a social dimension driven by "talk" that
follows from regular physical closeness or sexual union. Love is an
important factor in emotional intimacy. It is qualitatively and
quantitatively different from liking, and the difference is not merely in
the presence or absence of sexual attraction. There are three types of love
in a relationship: passionate love, companionate love, and sacrificial
love. Sacrificial love reflects the subsumption of the individual self will
within a union. Companionate love involves diminished potent feelings
of attachment, an authentic and enduring bond, a sense of mutual
commitment, the profound feeling of mutual caring, feeling proud of a
mate's accomplishments, and the satisfaction that comes from sharing
goals and perspective. In contrast, passionate love is marked by
infatuation, intense preoccupation with the partner, throes of ecstasy, and
feelings of exhilaration that come from being reunited with the partner.

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 Cognitive or intellectual intimacy takes place when two people
exchange thoughts, share ideas and enjoy similarities and differences
between their opinions.
 Spiritual intimacy involves bonding over spirituality.

TYPES OF KINSHIP
Patrilinea
Patrilineality, also known as the male line or agnatic kinship, is a form of
kinship system in which an individual's family membership derives from and
is traced through his or her father's lineage. It generally involves
the inheritance of property, rights, names, or titles by persons related
through male kin.
A patriline ("father line") is a person's father, and additional ancestors that
are traced only through males. One's patriline is thus a record of descent
from a man in which the individuals in all intervening generations are male.
In cultural anthropology, a patrilineage is a consanguineal male and
female kinship group, each of whose members is descended from the
common ancestor through male forebears.
Matrilineal
Matrilineality is a form of kinship system in which an individual's family
membership derives from and is traced through his or her mother's lineage.
It may also correlate with a societal system in which each person is
identified with their matriline—their mother's lineage—and which can
involve the inheritance of property and titles. A matriline is a line of
descent from a female ancestor to a descendant in which the individuals in
all intervening generations are mothers – in other words, a "mother line".
In a matrilineal descent system, an individual is considered to belong to the
same descent group as her or his mother. This matrilineal descent pattern is
in contrasts to the more common pattern of patrilineal descent pattern.
Bilateral descent
Bilateral descent is a form of kinship system in which an individual's family
membership derives from and is traced through both the paternal and
maternal sides. The relatives on the mother's side and father's side are
equally important for emotional ties or for transfer of property or wealth. It

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is a family arrangement where descent and inheritance are passed equally
through both parents. Families who use this system trace descent through
both parents simultaneously and recognize multiple ancestors, but unlike
with cognatic descent it is not used to form descent groups.
Traditionally, this is found among some groups in West
Africa, India, Australia, Indonesia, Melanesia, Malaysia and Polynesia.
Anthropologists believe that a tribal structure based on bilateral descent
helps members live in extreme environments because it allows individuals to
rely on two sets of families dispersed over a wide area.

Marriage Pattern
a. Polygamy:Marriage that unites more than two partners •
b. Polygyny:A form of marriage in which a man may have more
than one wife
c. Endogamous:Marriage within one’s own social group
d. Exogamous:Marriage outside of one’s own social group
e. Polyandry:A form of marriage in which a woman may have
more than one husband

Patterns of Authority and Power

 • Patriarchy: A society in which males maintain the majority of social
power
• Matriarchy: A society in which women maintain the majority of social
power

Love and Intimacy 

• Dating scripts: Culturally guided rules and expectations about dating
practices
• Romantic love: People being sexually attracted to one another and often
idealizing one another
• Homogamy:The tendency of people with similar characteristics to marry
one another

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Marriage 
Marriage: A pledge to form a family
• Marriage patterns in the United States are trending toward later age
at first marriage due to:
• Increasing rates of cohabitation
• Increasing numbers of people—especially women—deferring
marriage to attend college
• Increasing participation by women in the workforce
• Societal changes that support individualization

Cohabitation
 • Cohabitation:
Two people living together in a sexual relationship without being married
Violence and Abuse
 • Intimate partner violence:Physical, emotional, or psychological abuse
toward an intimate partner
• Although the rate of intimate partner violence is declining, the rate of
child abuse and neglect is increasing.
• Intergenerational transmission of violence:The tendency for people who
are victims of abuse or who witness abuse to be perpetrators of violence
at a later stage of the life course

References:
“My family is and has been supportive in helping me raise my
children. They represent the foundation of who I have become in
life. It was my aunt and uncle who drove me around looking at
colleges as a high school student and encouraging me for higher
education. My grandparents financed my college education. My
family has always been there for me, in good times and not so good
times. If it wasn’t for my mother, I am not sure where I would be
today. Since I got divorced 12 years ago, my mother has helped me

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financially to stay in my home and meet the needs of my growing
kids.”

- Nina Aliprandi (Board Chair), Director of Program Services,

Maryville Academy

“Family for me represents the foundation of self, and a unity of

acceptance, unconditional sacrifices, joy, support and love that is
built on a continuum of resilience, and journey in humility from the
past, current and future generations.”

- Sandy Baba, Ph.D., Education Researcher

“I feel family goes beyond bloodlines, last names or obligations. To

me, the word ‘family’ includes all the people in our lives who
commit to love and support us unconditionally. It is not a passive
birthright but a choice, a discipline of kindness that helps us thrive
both as individuals and as a society.”

- Fernando Barcelona, President / Creative Director, Barcelona

and Friends

“Holding on as one

Roots rich with stories of life

Ancestrally linked”

- Denise Boston, Ph.D., Dean of Diversity & Inclusion,

California Institute of Integral Studies

“Family, broadly and inclusively defined, is the foundation for

individual and community health, well-being and prosperity.  Let’s
join together to strengthen families, nurture positive relationships,
and promote resilience and hope.”

- Anne Douglass, Ph.D., Founding Executive Director, Institute

for Early Education Leadership and Innovation and Associate
Professor, University of Massachusetts

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 “For me family is so much more than just the people I am related
to, my family also consists of a supportive and caring group of
friends who I can laugh and cry with. Without the strength of
community, I feel that I would not have as much hope to be the
parent and person that I strive to be.”

- Kassia Eide (Board Secretary), SPARK Family Engagement

Coordinator, Fox Valley United Way

“I look at family as those who care about you the most and want to
see you grow and flourish. Helpfulness, respect, health, integrity
and cooperation are my core values; my family understands my
values and I understand their values. Through understanding of each
other’s values, we arrive at a mutual respect and support. People
with open hearts and a willingness to accept you for the human that
you are. Even when things go wrong and crisis faces you, you can
always depend on family. Family brings you back to your values
and helps you make good decisions.”

- Kenneth Krantz, CFP® APMA®, Financial Advisor, Grezlik,

Krantz, and Associates Ameriprise Financial

 “To me a family is whoever I can depend on for support, to laugh

with, to play with, and to share the challenges and rewards of life
with.”

- Beth Lakier, Chief Operating Officer, Chicago Commons

“Family means having someone to love you unconditionally in spite

of you and your shortcomings. Family is loving and supporting one
another even when it’s not easy to do so. It’s being the best person
you could be so that you may inspire your love ones. Family doesn’t
see color, race, creed not culture it sees heart. Family isn’t always
about being connected biologically, because understands that other
things and influences bind us. Family is unrelenting, it’s secure and
reliable. Family isn’t just important, it’s what is most important!”

- Marvin Lazenbury, MHS, Associated Director of Housing,

Bucks & Montgomery County Valley Youth House

PAGE 11
 “I used to tell this to my kids when they were younger, ‘Our family
is like Noah’s ark. The outside world may sometimes feel chaotic or
harsh or overwhelming, like a flood. In our family, we want to
create an ark for each other — where we’re safe and protected and
feel a sense of belonging, loved, cared about, taken care of and
protected.’ They got it and that’s the world our family is.”

- Naomi Mark, LCSW, Director of Educational Programs for

the Office of Workforce Development at NYC’s Department of
Social Services

 “My love for my family, my desire for them to be proud of me and

my decisions, is my life’s compass. I hope to advance the
organization’s mission through my time and judgment. I consider
serving on this board as something of a civic duty, in addition to a
challenging and enjoyable experience.”

- Scott Reinglass, JD (Board Treasurer), Assistant Managing

Attorney, Hartford Financial Services Group, Inc.

 “Family always feels nearby. The closeness is never determined by

distance or time. Frequent gatherings develop into mutual support.
And occasional visits enrich lives with gratitude. Family is comfort;
it is home. What is most important: I refuse to limit family to a
group or place. I am passionate about strengthen all communities. I
believe, the foundation is respect and commitment and creating
cherished moments.”

- Antoinette Rice-White, Community Parent Leader, Foster

Parent, and Child Care Provider

 “Building strong families is a self-preservation strategy for any

rational and sane society. An enlightened society is one which
supports all of its members in reaching their full potential as human
beings. I believe we can become true architects of our destinies
rather than mere captives of our fate, of our past. This liberating
model allows for true freedom as each segment of society takes
responsibility for itself and for our extended human family. It is a
strengths-based and wellness model which leads to evolutionary
growth, resilience, and development towards the higher reaches of

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human nature. It is a vision of hope, based on the most powerful
force in all of nature: love.”

- Carl Totton, Psy.D., Professor of Psychology, Phillips

Graduate University

 “We are family."

- Katthe Wolf, MA (President), Founding Partner, and CEO of

Be Strong Families

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