6.11.

20

Inconceivable

Note:

The performance is completely in Romanian.

The director makes no appearance in the performance, or in the transitions, and there is no
mention of the director in the performance.

The characters are actors in a theater company. Any resemblance to real people, places, or
events is entirely conincidental. This is a work of fiction.

In the performance, the characters’ names will be different from the actors’ names. For the
sake of clarity here, the actors’ names are still used.

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On Zoom, the actors pitch ideas

They’re in their pajamas

They’re in their houses

Paul’s Pitch

Alexandra’s Pitch

Luci’s Pitch

Raluca’s Pitch

Someone: But Raluca, isn’t this a little complicated on Zoom?

Pause

Raluca: Fuck Zoom!

Blackout

Music

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Raluca: Hi, guys! I have a surprise for y’all!

Alexandra appears.
Raluca: Allow me to introduce Alexandra!

Alexandra: Hi, everyone!

Luci (softly): Um, Raluca, who is this?

Alexandra: I’m Alexandra!

Raluca: Alexandra is an actress and she’s here to help us have some fun tonight.

Luci: What?

Alexandra: I’m here to have a good time with you and help you have a good time with each
other. Think of me as you new friend.

Paul: Yeah… I don’t know… it’s a bit weird, no?

Raluca: I don’t think so! A lot of people are doing this right now. I read an article online. The
pandemic has created a lot of new and exciting jobs.

Luci: Yeah, but does she really need to be here—

Raluca: Last time we all saw each other you were both quiet, low energy, depressed and,
honestly, I don’t want that for my birthday, ok?

Alexandra: Think of me as a guru of fun.

Pauză

Paul: What do we have to lose, I guess?

Luci: Yeah. Sure. Alright

Alexandra: I’m very happy you’ve made this decision. You won’t be sorry. Let’s not waste any
more time and start. Raluca has told me a little bit about each of you…

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Luci: What?

Raluca (Quickly): I filled out a form.

Alexandra: Like I was saying, Raluca has told me a little bit about each of you and, based on that
information and your past dynamics, I’ve come up with a list of games and activities.

Paul: I thought we were just going to hang out together.

Alexandra: And our first activity will be… a toast! Do you each have something to drink?
Alcohool? Something with alcohol? No?

Luci: I have a cooler.

Alexandra: Awesome! Who wants to start?

Short pause

Alexandra: No one? It’s ok, I know we’re going through some tough times… I’ll start: let’s drink
to Raluca, for her birthday!

They all drink

Raluca: Thank you, Alexandra! Let’s drink to friendship!

Alexandra: Yes, wonderful!

They all drink

Paul: Let’s drink to us being healthy and our famlies being healthy and none of us has died.

Alexandra: Cheers to that!

They all drink

Luci: Let’s drink to Zoom! What a wonderful app!

They all drink.

Raluca: Let’s drink to my tomatoes that just caught in my garden!

Luci: Since when do you have a garden?

Raluca: Well, it’s not really my land, but I put a fence around it, I planted tomatoes and no one
said anything to me, so it can be mine now, right?

Paul: Makes sense! Let’s drink to Raluca’s tomatoes and her new anexation!

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They all drink

Paul: Let’s drink to my mom, who, for the first time in her life, has had to dye her hair at home,
by herself.

Luci laughs.

Luci: Fuck.

Paul: She looks like a skunk.

Luci: Let’s drink to Paul’s mom!

Paul: To mother-skunk!

They all drink. They begin to loosen up.

Alexandra: If your glasses are empty, please fill them back up.

They get refills.

Alexandra: Let’s drink to social distancing, that helps me still make a living!

They all drink

Paul: Let’s drink to social distancing, that’s helped me to save up money for the first time in my
life!

Raluca: It can’t be! I’ve lived to see the day!

Luci: We’re proud of you, Paul!

They all drink.

Raluca: Let’s drink to social distancing that’s keeping me from being abusively kissed by my
aunts.

Luci: Let’s drink to that!

They all drink.

Paul: Let’s drink to social distancing thanks to which I don’t have social anxiety anymore,
because I’m not forced to socialize anymore.

Luci: Socialiying is overrated.

Everyone: Socializing is overrated!

They all drink.

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Paul: Socializing is over-overrated!

Toată lumea: Socializing is over-overrated.

They all drink.

Alexandra: How are you guys doing, how do you feel?

Luci: ok.

Paul: Great.

Alexandra: How about you, Raluca?

Raluca: I’m good, I’m happy.

Alexandra: Great! Everyone is feeling good.

Paul: Thank you.

Alexandra: I think we all know what’s next.

Luci: We do?

Paul: Hey, Alexandra, are you with someone right now?

Alexandra plays “Just Dance” by Lady Gaga

Alexandra: You have to follow my lead.

Luci: Jesus.
Alexandra makes some dance moves and everyone else tries to imitate her

Alexandra: Now Raluca!

Raluca dances, they try to do what she does.

Alexandra: Luci!

Luci dances, they try to do what he does.

Alexandra: Paul!

Paul goes off camera, they continue dancing, maybe they have something to drink.

Alexandra (to the camera): Maybe you should get some drinks for yourselves also.

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Paul comes back wearing boxer shorts and a tuxdo jacket

Alexandra plays “I Will Survive”
Paul puts on a real show.
The others go off camera and come back wearing crazy outfits of their own. They keep dancing
and having fun until the song ends and afterwards they fall exhausted off scree.

Alexandra lights a cigarette, Raluca crawls back into her screen.

Raluca (exhausted): Alexandra. That was wonderful. We needed that.

Alexandra: You’re welcome.

Raluca: Now what?

Alexandra: Well… this is pretty much everything I had planned.

Raluca: Really?

Alexandra: Yeah, I have another party in half an hour and I should change before that.

Raluca: Oh, ok. I can see you’re super busy.

Alexandra: Like you wouldn’t believe.

Raluca: Well… what can I say? Thanks for fitting us in.

Alexandra: It was my pleasure! Happy birthday again and I’m sorry I can’t stay for the cake.

Raluca smiles, nods, then bursts into tears

Raluca: Oh my God! I’m sorry! I don’t know what’s come over me.

Alexandra: It’s ok.

Raluca: : I only went out for a minute today, to get the cake. The frickin’ cake. I was waiting to
make a left turn into the market and had to yield to the cars coming from the other direction. And
it was taking a while. For some reason there were so many cars. Maybe I had some chances to
turn but I didn’t take them. I haven’t been driving, and maybe I was just being cautious.
Anyway, finally it seemed safe to turn, and as I stepped on the gas to turn, all of a sudden a guy
passes me on the right side and yells (imitating the man’s voice) “FUCK YOU, BITCH. I pulled
into the market and parked and sat in my car for a half hour, shaking. I drove back home and
didn’t even get the cake.

Pause

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The others can hear Raluca too

Alexandra: Does anyone want to respond to that?

Paul: Um… do we have to?

Alexandra: You don’t have to—

Raluca: Sorry, Alexandra—Yes, you do need to respond to me!

Luci: What kind of response are you looking for?

Raluca: I mean, I don’t know, I just told you this terrible episode from my day, and you’re my
best friends, and you’re right here listening to all of it. You’re right here, you know?

Paul: We’re right here?

Raluca: You’re right here!

Luci: I think we didn’t know what to say—

Raluca: Ask me if I’m all right, maybe?! Maybe that?

Luci: Are you all right?

Raluca: NO!

(Pause)

Paul: Alexandra, what do you think?

Raluca: She’s leaving in a minute!

Paul (bummed): No, don’t leave.

Raluca: Oh fuck you, Paul.

Paul: We need you, Alexandra.

Raluca: Paul, you’re ridiculous. Every other day when we Zoom, we can’t even get you out of
bed, you just lay there like a blob—

Paul: I’m fucking depressed!

Raluca: —but as soon as Alexandra shows up—

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Alexandra: Raluca…

Raluca: —you’re the King of the Dance Floor!

Paul: So what, Raluca? Can’t stand not being the center od attention for 2 minutes?

Raluca: What?! What does that have to do…

Luci(o intrerupts her): Friends…

Raluca: Shut up, Luci!

Luci: No, Raluca, you shut up! What is this? You spoiled brat, dragging us through this birthday
therapy session just because you don’t have anything better to waste your mother’s money on.

Paul: Oh, snap!

Luci: You know what, Paul? Fuck you!

Paul: What the fuck?! What did I do?

Luci: Yeah, you heard me! Fuck you for always complaining and guilt tripping us into being
there for you, but you never want to do anything for yourself!

Paul: oh, look at him! He’s finally growing some balls!

Luci: Like I was saying, fuck you, Paul.

Paul (getting ready to step out): I want you all to know I came to this party with an open heart…

Luci: Liar!

Paul: I’m not a liar, you piece of shit!

Luci: When you called me this morning you said you didn’t want to be here!

Paul: I said no such thing!

Luci: You said you were bored last time!

Paul: You said the same thing!

Raluca: Is that true?

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Luci: Fuck you, Paul.

Paul: No! Fuck you, Luci, you’re drunk.

Luci: I’m drunk?! From a fucking cooler?!

Paul: Look how pewny you are, of course you can get drunk from a cooler.

Luci: Who are you calling pewny, you fucking gorilla?!

Paul: You! I thaught that much was obvious.

Luci (Preparing to leave): You know what? I don’t need this shit!

Raluca: Alexandra, do something!

Alexandra (calmly): And what the fuck do you expect me to do, Raluca?

Pause
Alexandra (calmly): No, really now? What do you expect me to do? I came here as a job, to
make your party a bit more fun and energetic. I’m not trained for this. And I’m definitely not
equipped to deal with this!
Pause.
Alexandra (getting more worked up gradually): I have my own issues too, you know! Do you
think I’m doing this because it’s my calling?! Do you think that when I went to university I
thought to myself “yup. That’s what I want to do: I want to crash people’s Zoom meetings for a
living!”? No! So I come here, give it my best and you people just shit on my work and go into
your small, insignificant problems, like they really matter! People are dying out there while you
spoiled assholes are safely tucked in your apartments, drinking your stupid lemonades and teas
and coolers and hiring other people to act like monkeys for your entertainment! And then, you
can’t even enjoy that entertainment because you’re too self absorbed! Are you fucking kidding
me?!

She goes off screen in a fit of rage.

Raluca: Alexandra… are you ok?

Alexandra : Yeah, I’m fine.

Luci: Are you sure you’re ok?

Alexandra: Yeah, I’m ok! I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m fine, ok?

Silence.

Raluca: I think we could each use some time alone.

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Alexandra: What the fuck are we doing here? Are we making a fucking movie?!

(Alexandra: I think we’ve had enough time alone!)

Everyone’s a little concerned

Blackout

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A series of homemade video fantasies

Raluca’s fantasy…

Paul’s fantasy…

Alexandra’s fantasy…

Luci’s fantasy…

Cut back to Zoom

We see all four actors

Paul: Um, it’s not really an escape, Luci.

Luci: Yeah, I know. You’re right.

Paul: Yeah, it’s sort of the opposite of an escape.

Luci: I know. It was just an idea.

Paul: I think it makes me feel worse in fact. About everything.

Luci: Yeah…

Paul: Might make other people feel worse, too.

Luci: Yeah…

Raluca: I think all the videos make me feel worse actually.

Alexandra: Maybe because we aren’t really escaping. Just a thought.

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Radu appears

Radu: Hey guys, I might be able to help.

Raluca: Hey Radu.

Luci: You have an idea, Radu?

Radu: Well, it just seems like you need some help…

Suddenly everyone is on an island

All: Oh wow, cool!

Radu: Or…

Now they’re on a mountain

All: Oh, cool!

Radu: Or…

Everyone by a lake

All: Oh, nice!

Radu: Yeah, and I can also do…this!

Suddenly they are all together, on one screen, by a lake

Also, they have been turned into avatars

All: Oh my God! A-mazing! Can we swim? Can you make us get wet?

Radu: No, I’m afraid I can’t do that.

All: Oh, that’s ok, this is still super cool. Thanks, Radu!

Radu: You guys are welcome. But I actually have to run. I have to visit my mom.

All: Haha, ok thanks Radu!

Luci: Yeah, thanks Radu.

Radu: So I’m going to shut down the system.

All: NO, no, let us stay! We want to stay here!

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Radu: You’re sure?

All: Yes, we love it here!

Radu: All right, but don’t stay out too late. The system will shut itself down. See ya.

He winks and disappears

No blackout

Continuous to Part Four

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They all sit there by the virtual lake

The sun will set soon

It’s truly beautiful

Paul: It’s beautiful.

Alexandra: Paradise…

Luci: This is the life.

Raluca: Well, I’m disappointed we can’t swim, but otherwise—

Paul: Oh, Raluca, don’t be a downer!

Raluca: But otherwise, I must admit, it’s rather perfect.

Luci: Does anyone know what lake this is?

Raluca: Who cares…

Paul: It would be better with some beers…

Raluca: (imitating Paul): “Oh, Paul, don’t be a downer.”

Luci: It’s perfect just the way it is.

There is a sound of crickets

They are soaking up the atmosphere

Paul: I’m glad we’re all here guys. I’m glad to be here with you.

Little pause

Someone 1: Does anyone remember that time when __________________?

All: Oh yeah, how could we forget!

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Someone 1 continues the story.

Someone 2 tells a story.

Someone 3 tells a story.

Someone 4 tells a story.

The stories all deal with these characters

The stories are fictional and use no names or events from Reactor history

The stories are light and pleasant

After they finish, there’s a silence

Raluca: Well, I just want to say that I’m going to miss it.

Alexandra: What?

Raluca: It.

Alexandra: What?

Raluca: Hey, Alexandra, I was just—

Alexandra: Say “It’s” name.

Raluca: No.

Paul: Hey now—

Alexandra: Say it.

Raluca: Oh come on, Alexandra. Let’s just enjoy the lake.

Pause

Alexandra: I’m going to miss it, too. Theater. I don’t have any problem saying it. And I don’t like
this. Whatever this is. Because this isn’t it. Sometimes when the morning comes I panic. I don’t
feel inspired. I used to trust my ideas, but now I have no ideas. Last night I thought I could write
a monologue about my profile picture. That’s not a good idea. That’s a very bad idea.

Luci: I think it takes some patience.

Alexandra: Oh yeah?

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Luci: It’s like the time I had a swollen face due to a pus extraction. Or when I had to have a
tooth extracted without going to the dentist. Or when I couldn’t use my fingers again after a
difficult operation that had failed and injured my nerve. Or when I was consumed with
depression that made me feel like everything was unbearable and I had no will to live.

Raluca: When was that?

Luci: Some time ago.

Raluca: I’m sorry.

Luci: You don’t have to be sorry. I’m not sorry. I learned something from it.

Paul: I’m not sure you learn things from depression.

Luci: Well I did.

Alexandra: What did you learn?

Luci: That my concerns and problems are minor.

Alexandra: Thanks, Luci.

Luci: What?

Alexandra: Nevermind.

Luci: No, what?

Alexandra: You’re saying my problems don’t matter?

Luci: I said, my concerns and my problems.

Alexandra: Let’s drop it.

Luci: I was talking about myself, Alexandra.

Raluca: Guys…

Luci: I wasn’t talking about you.

Alexandra: Ok.

Luci: I wasn’t!

Alexandra: Well the way you said it made me think that you were.

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Paul: What a lovely day!

Luci: How did I say it?

Alexandra: I don’t know.

Luci: No come on!

Alexandra: It was the look on your face.

Luci: The look on my face? I’m a fucking avatar, Alexandra!

Paul bursts out laughing

Alexandra: What are we fucking doing here? Online theater?!… What the hell, Paul?

Paul: You have to admit that was very funny: “The look on my face? I’m a fucking avatar.”
Hahaha.

Alexandra: Fuck this.

Raluca: Make peace, not war, guys…

Paul: How you doing over there Raluca?

Raluca: I smell like blueberries and potatoes with a touch of canabis.

Paul: Nice. Are you high?

Raluca: Yup. Or else. I’m having a stroke. Maybe I’ll be the first person to drop dead in an online
show. Do you think if I die, my avatar will die, too? Or just keep sitting there by the lake?
Blueberries, potatoes, cannabis. My little piece of land smells like that also. I grab the blades of
grass and hold them tight so I don’t fall off the wagon of happiness. We all have chosen little
pieces of land, and we all fought to keep our smells from mixing with the data. The noise is all
gone now. There are no clicks, no power drills, no space key, no undo buttons. The music is only
inside us now. We just have to think it…

Paul: I really want some of what you’ve got.

Raluca: My avatar is not advanced enough to share.

Pause

Luci: Look, Alexandra, I know you’re upset.

Alexandra: Why are we behaving like this? Why are we so disgusting?

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Pause

Luci: Maybe because we are disgusting. I mean, who do we think we are? People say that art
can change the world. But look at the world right now. Do we really think we can save
someone’s life with this? Do we really think we can answer a protest or calm a riot with this?
We’re not special. We’re spoiled.

Alexandra: I’m not trying to change the world. I’m just trying to understand my place in it. My
purpose. Our purpose. Since we’re all here together.

Paul: But we’re not, Alexandra. You know? We’re not. Come here.

Alexandra is upset

Paul reaches out to give her an avatar hug

Just then, the system shuts down

The lake disappears

They are thrown back into their own isolations

Alexandra: FUCK!

Raluca: That was a good moment of theater.

Paul: Listen, Alexandra. We can make something. We can. I know you’re angry, and Raluca’s a
little high, and Luci seems pretty depressed all of a sudden. But there’s always a way. It’s
probably gonna look a little weird and taste a little funny, but we’re basically living through the
apocalypse right now, so maybe we can cut ourselves a little slack, you know? We’re amazingly
talented. We’re amazingly entertaining. Like this, I’ve been working on this: “So, how you feel,
Paulie?” “I don’t know boss, I feel ok. I don’t get bored, I watch movies, I listen to a lot of music,
I sleep, I sleep some more, I don’t wear underwear anymore, my penis is ok.” “Your penis is
ok?” “My penis is ok. It’s fine, so I’m fine. And I don’t really miss anyone, because it turns out if
you don’t see anyone, you can’t miss them! And you know, I don’t have any other job except
this one, so I’m just indulging and integrating. Indulging and integrating perfectly. It’s been a
real smooth transition for me. I think I’ve actually found my calling. I’m looking at isolating
permanently…” See? We can do this. There’s always a way.

Alexandra begins to smile

Blackout

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5
On video, handheld DOGME style

Some music like Explosions in the Sky

We are in the Reactor space

It is empty

It is late at night

Dim lighting

One by one the actors enter, wearing masks and standing several meters apart

We feel they’d like to touch each other, but they can’t

Alexandra exits

The others wonder where she’s gone

She reappears in a gorilla suit

She goes to Raluca and touches Raluca’s face

Raluca allows this to happen

Raluca, Paul, and Luci exit

Alexandra hangs out, just another day in a gorilla suit

Raluca, Paul, and Luci re-enter

They are wearing clothes of a bee keeper, scuba diver, and chemical technician

They all look at each other, remaining distanced

Then they come together and explore each other and have a big group hug

Then they make a line and look directly out at where the audience would be

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They dance a kick line as the musc explodes triumphantly behind them

This might sound like a joke of an image, but it’s not

The intention is: creation goes on, art goes on, we go on

These days, that means a lot

<3

Blackout

End

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