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Welcome

It is a great pleasure to offer you this compilation of meaning and valued living exercises. During the
past years, Positive Psychology has gained an increasing amount of attention, both from helping
professionals and researchers. This attention has resulted in many valuable insights in what
contributes to a life wordt living.

Since 2013, our aim with PositivePsychology.com has been to contribute to this field by disseminating
the science to psychology practitioners and educators alike.

We hope that the exercises presented here may inspire you too to increase your own meaning in life
and that of the people around you. Please feel free to print and share this document with others.

For those who like what they see, make sure to also check out our online searchable
database with all kinds of similar practical positive psychology tools:

https://positivepsychology.com/toolkit/

All the best!

Seph Fontane Pennock

Hugo Alberts, Ph.D.

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Using the tools

This product contains 3 different tools on meaning and valued living. Each tool is structured in the same way,
consisting of a background section, a goal description, advice for using the exercise and suggested readings.
On the first page of every tool, a legend is shown, consisting of several icons:

▪ The first icon displays the main category the tool belongs to.
▪ The second icon shows the type of tool. The following options are available:

» Exercise (a tool that describes an activity that is done once, during a session)
» Assessment (a tool that aims to assess a trait or characteristic of a person)
» Overview (a tool that provides an overview or list of something; research findings, facts, etc.)
» Advice (a tool that is directed at the helping professional providing advice on how to carry out a certain
activity)
» Meditation (a tool that describes a form of meditation)
» Intervention (a tool that describes an activity that needs to be done more than once during a certain period)

▪ The third icon provides an estimation of the duration of the tool. In other words, how long it takes to complete
the exercise. This is always an estimation of the total time it takes. Note that for some tool types, like overview,
advice, protocol and intervention it is difficult if not impossible to provide an estimation of the duration. In these
cases n/a (not available) is written.
▪ The fourth icon describes the intended audience for this tool; available options include client, coach or group.
▪ The last icon indicates whether this specific tool has been tested at least once in a scientific study and has
been published in a peer reviewed journal (yes or no). Note that if there is a strong theoretical and scientifically
tested basis underlying the tool, but the tool itself in its current form has not been directly addressed in research,
the icon will still indicate “no”.

Important note
Please note that the tools in this give-away are not a substitute for a clinical or coaching certification program,
which we recommend you take before you call yourself an official “therapist” or “coach” and before you see clients
or patients.

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Note that you are advised to use these tools within the boundaries of your professional expertise. For instance,
if you are a certified clinician, you are advised to use the exercises within your field of expertise (e.g. clinical
psychology). Likewise, a school teacher may use the exercises in the classroom, but is not advised to use the
exercises for clinical populations. PositivePsychology.com B.V. is not responsible for unauthorized usage of these
tools.

Practicing exercises on meaning can sometimes be confronting and result in unpleasant experiences, such as
agitation, anxiety or discomfort. Although these experiences are often a natural part of the process, we advise you
seek psychological support if your emotional reactions are unusually strong.

These exercises should not be used as a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment.
If you are currently under psychological treatment, please consult your psychologist first before using these
exercises.

PositivePsychology.com assumes no responsibility or liability for any consequence resulting directly or indirectly
from any action or inaction you take based on the information found in these exercises.

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

The Top 5 Values

Values Values are a core component of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT; Hayes &
Strosahl, 1999). Values are used to help clients choose directions for their lives that are
Exercise in line with what is truly important to them and help them construct goals that promote
8-10 min. behaviour in those directions. Values are the answer to the question: “In a world where
you could choose to have your life be about something, what would you choose?” (Wilson
Client
& Murrell, 2004, 135). This exercise can be used to increase the client’s awareness of his/
No
her values.

Goal

The goal of this exercise is to increase awareness of the client’s values and reflect on the
personal meaning and importance of these values.

Advice

Instead of using the list with predefined values, your client may first take some time to
reflect on his/her core values and list them on a sheet of paper. For some clients, this
brainstorming approach works better than selecting the values from a list. Other clients
may find it difficult to grasp the idea of values and find it difficult to list their values without
any help. For these clients, the attached list of values may be a good starting point.

Suggested Readings

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy:
An experiential approach to behavior change. New York: Guilford.

Wilson, K. G., & Murrell, A. R. (2004). Values work in acceptance and commitment therapy:
Setting a course for behavioral treatment. In S. C. Hayes, V. M. Follette, & M. M. Linehan
(Eds.), Mindfulness and acceptance: Expanding the cognitive behavior tradition (pp. 120-151).
New York: Guilford.

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Tool description

Instructions

The goal of this exercise is to increase awareness of what really matters to you by identifying your top five
life values. Values are the answer to the questions: What’s important to you in your life? What is your life’s
purpose? What do you enjoy doing? When do you feel satisfied and fulfilled? Being aware of your values by
answering the above questions will help you navigate your life in the direction that you choose. You have
the potential to live the life of your dreams, but how do you do this without looking inward? Understanding
our own core values help guide us towards our passions and desires. Please complete the five steps below.

1. Take ten minutes to brainstorm what your own values are without referring to the list on the next page.

My values are:

2. Review the values list on the next page and check those values that resonate with you.

3. This list is always a work-in-progress. If you wish, you may add other values from your brainstorming
session or those that you think of along the way through this process:

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Values list:

Acceptance Fairness Peace

Achievement Fame Personal Development
Advancement & Promotion Family Happiness Personal Expression
Adventure Fast Pace Planning
Affection Freedom Play
Altruism Friendship Pleasure
Arts Fun Power
Awareness Grace Privacy
Beauty Growth Purity
Challenge Harmony Quality
Change Health Radiance
Community Helping Others Recognition
Compassion Helping Society Relationships
Competence Honesty Religion
Competition Humour Reputation
Completion Imagination Responsibility & Accountability
Connectedness Improvement Risk
Cooperation Independence Safety & Security
Collaboration Influencing Others Self-Respect
Country Inner Harmony Sensibility
Creativity Inspiration Sensuality
Decisiveness Integrity Serenity
Democracy Intellect Service
Design Involvement Sexuality
Discovery Knowledge Sophistication
Diversity Leadership Spark
Environmental Awareness Learning Speculation
Economic Security Loyalty Spirituality
Education Magnificence Stability
Effectiveness Making a Difference Status
Efficiency Mastery Success
Elegance Meaningful Work Teaching
Entertainment Ministering Tenderness
Enlightenment Money Thrill
Equality Morality Unity
Ethics Mystery Variety
Excellence Nature Wealth
Excitement Openness Winning
Experiment Originality Wisdom
Expertise Order
Exhilaration Passion

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

4. Now prioritize your values and make a selection of five of your most important values. List your top
five values below:

I.

II.

III.

IV.

V.

5. Take about five to ten minutes to think about, or discuss with a friend or your coach, what each of the
above values means to you. Then, generate a definition that resonates and makes sense to you.

Value I:

Means to me:

Is important to me because:

Value II:

Means to me:

Is important to me because:

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Value III:

Means to me:

Is important to me because:

Value IV:

Means to me:

Is important to me because:

Value V:

Means to me:

Is important to me because:

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Self-eulogy

Values Everyday life is full of situations and experiences that call for thought, decision making,
and action. We consider things like Should I skip the party tonight to visit my grandmother
Exercise
at her nursing home? and Should I spend 30 mins longer at work to improve this project? The
15 min. decisions we make and the courses of action we take are based on our beliefs, attitudes,
and values; and it is these decision-led actions that, at least in part, make us who we are
Client or group
and how we are known to others.
No
In therapy, values clarification is used to help people identify and clarify the values
that influence their decisions and behaviors (Hayes et al., 1999). Values clarification is
seen to answer the question, “What do you want your life to stand for?” and includes
statements about the type of person a client wants to be and how they want to behave
on a consistent basis (Berryhill & Lechtenberg, 2015). A person who has explored their
personal values in therapy is often able to identify what will help them to effectively
function in life, both personally and within relationships. A classic values clarification
exercise is to imagine one’s own funeral service, and what would be said in the eulogy
(Kirschenbaum, 2013). The eulogy is the speech delivered by a loved one that describes
the life, work, accomplishments, and/or personal qualities of the deceased that he or she
will be remembered for. Anecdotes that capture the essence of the person who has passed
are often shared. In this exercise, people are asked to consider their own eulogies, as they
would like them to be delivered at their (hypothetical) funeral. The purpose of this is to
illuminate what is considered personally meaningful and important to the client, and then
to discern how well he or she is currently living a life in line with what is valued.

Author

This exercise was adapted from Kirschenbaum’s (2013) Self-Eulogy exercise by Dr. Lucinda
Poole and Dr. Hugo Alberts.

Goal

The goal of this tool is twofold: (1) to help clients identify and clarify their values through
considering what they would like to be remembered for at their own funeral; (2) to evaluate
how well clients are living a life in line with what their values.

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Advice

■ It is important for clients to realize that the eulogy reflects how they hope they come
across to others, rather than how they may actually/currently be coming across to
others. This tool is not about their current behavior but rather about what kind of
person they want to be.

■ Practitioners should be sensitive to and accepting of the client’s values systems when
these differ from their own, as it is considered unethical for practitioners to pressure
individuals into developing the same set of values as their own.

■ Before carrying out this exercise, check the client is comfortable with the concept by
running the general idea of the tool by them. Clients who are currently grieving for the
loss of a loved one or are dealing with personal health issues may find the exercise to
be too confronting, which is perfectly acceptable.

■ When considering doing this exercise in a session with a client, inform clients about
the general idea of the exercise and that they are allowed to cease the exercise at any
given moment.

Resources

■ Berryhill, M. B., & Lechtenberg, M. M. (2015). Acceptance and commitment therapy

with adolescents: Identifying and clarifying values. Journal of Family Psychotherapy,
26, 25-30.

■ Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment
Therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. New York: Guilford Press.

■ Kirschenbaum, H. (2013). Values clarification in counseling and psychotherapy: Practical

strategies for individual and group settings. New York, NY, US: Oxford University Press.

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Tool description

In this exercise, you will imagine what the most important people in your life would say about you at your
own funeral. The idea is to find out what you think is important in life, and how well you are living a life in
line with what you value.

Step 1. Imagine your funeral

Imagine that you have died (fortunately a natural death) and today is the day of your funeral. All of your
nearest and dearest have gathered together for the funeral service. Without getting too morbid, take a
moment to picture your funeral in your mind.

Step 2. List key speakers

Now, a few significant people will get up today to say a few words about you during the funeral service. Who
would these people likely be?

1.

2.

3.

Step 3. Imagine your eulogy

Close your eyes now, and take a moment to imagine these key people delivering their speech/eulogy at the
service. What would you hope these people say about you?

After each person speaks, open your eyes briefly and jot down the key points he or she made about you. For
instance, you might jot down “a good listener”, “always kind” and “a hard worker”.

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Key person #1:

Key person #2:

Key person #3:

Step 4. Extract values from eulogies

Values are the things we consider to be important in life. Examples of values are leadership, kindness, helping,
learning, etc. Now consider your answers to the previous step. What values can you extract from what you
hope your loved ones said about you? To help you extract values from these eulogies, you might like to refer
to the list of values in Appendix A. In the table below (first column), list as many values as you can extract
from the kind words your loved ones shared at the funeral service.

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Value Currently living by (Yes/No)

Step 5. Identify discrepancies between eulogies and current life

Consider how well you are currently living by the values you identified in the previous step. Work through
each value one at a time, and ask yourself, “Am I embodying this value in my life at the moment?” In the table
above (second column), place a tick (3) next to the values you feel you are currently living in line with, and a
cross (7) next to those that you feel there is room for improvement.

Step 6. Move toward valued action

The values that you have marked with a cross indicate discrepancies between the type of person you ideally
want to be and the type of person you are actually being. But do not be alarmed, as identifying these
discrepancies is the purpose of the exercise, and there is always room for improvement when it comes to
acting in line with our values!

We will now consider how you can reduce such discrepancies so that going forward you can start living a life
that is more in tune with your personal values so that you can be the type of person you want to be. For each
value marked with a cross, come up with at least one actionable step you can take to reflect this value in your
personal life. This need not be a major change; sometimes the smallest actions are the most powerful. For
example, if you marked a cross next to your value “kindness”, an actionable step to reduce this discrepancy
could be to buy a coffee for the homeless person you pass on your way to work.

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Value Actionable step

Step 7. Take that first value-inspired step

Of the value-inspired steps you came up with in Step 6, which would be the most feasible one to action
first? By feasible, we mean the easiest and most achievable thing to do. Once you have decided on the most
feasible action, go ahead and take this first step toward being the person you want to be.

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Appendix A: List of Values

Acceptance Effectiveness Influencing Others Purity

Achievement Efficiency Inner Harmony Quality

Advancement & Elegance Inspiration Radiance

Promotion Entertainment Integrity Recognition
Adventure Enlightenment Intellect Relationships
Affection Equality Involvement Religion
Altruism Ethics Knowledge Reputation
Arts Excellence Leadership
Responsibility
Awareness Excitement Learning
Risk Safety & Security
Beauty Experiment Loyalty
Self-Respect
Challenge Expertise Magnificence
Sensibility
Change Exhilaration Making a Difference
Sensuality
Community Fairness Mastery
Serenity
Compassion Fame Meaningful Work
Service
Competence Family Ministering
Sexuality
Competition Happiness Money
Sophistication
Completion Fast Pace Morality
Spark
Connectedness Freedom Mystery
Speculation
Cooperation Friendship Nature
Spirituality
Collaboration Fun Openness
Stability
Country Grace Originality
Status
Creativity Growth Order
Success
Decisiveness Harmony Passion

Health Peace Teaching

Democracy
Helping Others Personal Development Tenderness
Design
Helping Society Personal Expression Thrill
Discovery
Honesty Planning Unity
Diversity
Humor Play Variety
Environmental
Awareness Imagination Pleasure Wealth

Economic Security Improvement Power Winning

Education Independence Privacy Wisdom

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

The Scoreboard Metaphor

Values On the surface, values may seem very close to goals. Both constructs concern what
people believe to be important, what they conceive of as ideal, and what they want to
Metaphor
strive for and bring about in their lives (Emmons, 1989; Rokeach, 1973; Schwartz, 1992).
5 min. Consequently, when people are asked to reflect on their values, they often mention goals.
For example, they describe the job they want or the partner they would like. They may
Client
also describe feelings, like self-esteem or joy. When working with values, it is important
No
to differentiate between goals and values. Goals can be accomplished whereas values
represent an ongoing direction. For instance, one can accomplish the goal of “buying a
new piano” but never accomplish the value “creativity.” The latter involves an ongoing
process of investment.

This tool introduces the scoreboard metaphor (Stoddard & Afari, 2014). The scoreboard
metaphor illuminates the difference between values and goals. It is used to demonstrate
the possibility of a life in which values add meaning and purpose to our lives whereas
goals, as important as they are to have, are in and of themselves merely an endpoint. In the
scoreboard metaphor, the client is the player, the score on the scoreboard is the client’s
goal, and how the client plays the game is his or her values. The scoreboard metaphor
is usefully applied in the context of psychoeducation, helping clients clarify values from
goals, as well as in instances of excessive goal focus.

Author

This tool was adapted from The Scoreboard Metaphor (Gammon & Stoddard, 2013) by
Lucinda Poole (PsyD).

Goal

The goal of this tool is to (1) demonstrate to clients the difference between goals and
values through the use of the scoreboard metaphor, and (2) highlight the importance of
considering values in the pursuit of personal goals.

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Advice

■ Practitioners can tailor the metaphor to specific clients by using different sports (i.e., if
the client plays tennis, adapt the metaphor to a tennis match scoreboard) or different
activities (e.g., playing a musical instrument at a concert, and cutting to the bow and
applause at the end of the performance).

■ This tool is particularly relevant for clients with an excessive focus on goals. The
scoreboard metaphor can be used to help these clients focus more on values and
actions that can be taken in the service of values.

■ A common issue that arises with goals in therapy is that, if they are not achieved,
clients can sometimes stop other actions in the service of the underlying value. For
example, a client who does not follow through with his goal of making a toast at
an upcoming social event may stop speaking up at work meetings and other public
speaking opportunities, undermining his value of ‘contribution.’ In such cases, you can
return to the scoreboard metaphor and ask, “If you hadn’t won the game, would it
still be important to you to keep playing?” Practitioners can work with clients here to
facilitate committed action despite unmet goals.

Suggested Readings

■ Emmons, R. A. (1989). The personal strivings approach to personality. In: L. A. Pervin

(Ed.), Goal concepts in personality and social psychology (pp. 87–126). Hillsdale, NJ:
Erlbaum

■ Hayes, S. C. (2004). Acceptance and commitment therapy, relational frame theory,

and the third wave of behavioral and cognitive therapies. Behavior therapy, 35,
639-665.

■ Rokeach, M. (1973). The nature of human values. New York, NY: Free Press.

■ Schwartz, S. H. (1992). Universals in the content and structure of values: Theory and
empirical tests in 20 countries. In M. Zanna, (Ed.), Advances in experimental social
psychology, 25, 1–65. New York, NY: Academic Press.

■ Stoddard, J. A., & Afari, N. (2014). The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: a practitioner’s
guide to experiential exercises and metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
New Harbinger Publications.

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Tool descriptionStep 1. Read the scoreboard metaphor

Imagine that you are playing a game of basketball.

You are lined up with your team on the court,
facing your opposition and about to start playing.
Your center player taps the first ball to you, which
you catch and then dribble down toward your
goal circle. You take your first shot at goal and
swish, the ball travels straight through the basket.
Everyone cheers and you run with the team back
to the center to re-position yourselves for the
next play. And so it goes for the next hour, up and
down the court, offense and defense, catching
and dribbling, scoring and missing, cheering and
high-fiving teammates. The other team scores,
your team catches up. The other team leads
again, but in the last nail-biting seconds of the
game, your team orchestrates a big play for the
win! The final score on the scoreboard at the end
of the game reads 44 for your team and 42 for
the opposing team.

■ Now, what if the scorekeeper were to come along at the beginning of the game and offer to put that
score up on the board for you? Your team gets its 44 points, and the other team gets 42, so you win—
game over; no need to play for it. Would you take the scorekeeper up on it? If no, why not? Allow clients
to answer.

■ So this is like the difference between values and goals. Winning the game might be your goal, and you
may or may not accomplish it. But what is truly important is the process by which you achieve that goal.
In other words, it’s all about how you played the game; showing up, being a team player, doing your best,
encouraging your teammates. These are values. Whereas goals can be achieved, values are moment-to-
moment ways of being.

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 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Step 2. Apply the scoreboard metaphor to personal situation

Is there something in your life that you are currently working towards (i.e., a goal)? Write down the goal
below:

Now imagine that, just like in the scoreboard metaphor, you were offered a chance to have this goal completed
now, without having to put any additional effort in achieving the goal. Would you take this chance? If so,
why? If not, why not?

If you answered “yes” in the previous question, please consider the next question. Otherwise, proceed with
the following question.

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It seems like achieving the goal is more important for you than your pathway towards the goal. You feel that
the pathway to your goal is not “valuable” enough and prefer to skip it. In other words, the pathway does
not align enough with your values. What could you do to make the pathway to your goal more valuable/
meaningful?

If you would not take the chance to complete this goal without putting any additional effort in it, it sounds
like the pathway to the goal is either enjoyable, meaningful, or both, to you. You feel that something is gained
by walking the path to the goal. In other words, the pathway is valuable to you; it aligns with your values. Can
you describe the values that you live in line with by moving closer to your goal?

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