1 SHRI Parvarish - A

“SHRI PARVARISH”
The ABC of Parenting from The Heart

“A” – Acceptance
“Raise the child you have got, not the one you want” is what author and
parenting coach Nancy Rose advices in her book with the same name.
And, that is what this article is going to discuss, “Acceptance” – the ‘A’ in “The
ABC of Parenting from the Heart”.
Accepting the child for what he or she is builds a healthy parent-child relationship
that is founded on trust and wellbeing. When the child has to constantly live up to
expectations that are beyond his or her ability, there is discontent and conflict.
Not only does the child become reticent and withdrawn, his or her self-esteem and
confidence is crushed under the pressure of comparison and competition.
We often mix up approval and acceptance in the belief that they are both the
same. Well, they aren’t. As parents, we do not have to approve what a child does,
but accepting that it has been done becomes important. We as parents may aspire
and dream for our children. This is not a bad thing. However, when these take a
precedence over what the child himself or herself aspire for and dream about,
painful conflicts arise and destroy the fabric so carefully woven over the early
years of the child.
So, how do we connect with our children when there are differences in
temperament and aspirations? What questions do I need to ask myself to gauge
whether I am an accepting parent? How do I avoid comparing my children when one
has much higher needs than the other? What can I do to ensure that I can accept
each of my children for their own personal uniqueness?
Here are some useful insights and tips:
 Strike a balance between changing your child and accepting your child
 Recognize the qualities in them that are intrinsic to them
 Ask yourself if there anything more important to you than your child’s
happiness
 Recognize the strengths and virtue in each of your children and appreciate
them
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 Love your children for themselves, not for the best of ourselves in them
 Let your child/children know through words and action that you are there
for them, loving them and accepting them, no matter what
 Try to empathize with their differences, and to experience those
differences on their terms rather than your own
 Listen with full attention and focus on what your child is saying to you
 Be an active listener
 Communicate to the child without making judgements
 Help the child become aware of the emotions he/she feels as this will enable
them to make conscious choices on how to respond
 Show empathetic concern towards your child as it shows them that you
really care and are trying to understand them and their feelings; it shows
them that you love them despite the situation and demonstrates your
acceptance despite the behaviour
One of the biggest challenges to being able to accept your child is holding onto
unrealistic expectations of your child and yourself. Most parents agree that having
a happy child that achieves within their capabilities, academically, socially,
physically and emotionally, is their hope and dream. Just because your child is not
like you doesn’t mean that they are not valuable and certainly doesn’t mean that
you have failed in your role as a parent in any way.
Acceptance is fostered through understanding and knowing. Get to know what

makes your child tick, what they love doing, what interests them, who they feel
close to, what they want you to be doing with them, and what they want you to want
for them.
Take turns in doing things together that you and your child enjoy and make time in
your schedules to have fun together. Make space in your house to cater for your
child, whether it be a spot for toys, music, games or books that interest him/her.
To conclude, Acceptance in parenting is about being able to see and acknowledge
the uniqueness in your child, without pressing for this to change.
As Andrew Solomon states, it is “finding the light in your child and seeing it there”
that is important (Solomon, 2014). This, however, must not stop you from striving
to shape your children’s behaviour, educational outcomes, sporting ability etc., but
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rather, enable you to accept and validate with warmth their unique personality, and
loving them for being them.
 HAPPY PARENTING! 
Contributed by Neethi Srikumar, AVP – Operations

Shri Educare Limited
(For more tips on Positive Parenting, please write to [email protected])
Shri Educare Ltd.


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“SHRI PARVARISH”

The ABC of Parenting from The Heart

Shri Educare Ltd.

Acceptance is fostered through understanding and knowing. Get to know what

Shri Educare Ltd.

Contributed by Neethi Srikumar, AVP – Operations

Shri Educare Ltd.

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