Gao 1

Xi Gao
Advanced Placement Literature
Mr. Gallagher
22 December 2010
Phoenix Hairpin
“Phoenix Hairpin” is one of the two poems of the Shen Garden that captivates the true
love story of Lu You and his ex-wife Tan Wan. The poems were written to express the
feelings that they still had for each other despite the forces against them being together.
Growing up as cousins, Tan Wan and Lu You were destined to be lovers. When they finally
got married, their love only grew stronger, so strong that he had neglected his studies to
become a government official. Lu You’s mother despised Tan Wan because she could not
have a baby and she distracted Lu You from becoming a government official. In a Chinese
cultured household 850 years ago, Tan Wan had failed as a wife. Finally, the mother forced
them to have a divorce. Lu obeyed his mother out of respect for her, showing the power
Chinese parents had over their children at the time. If given a choice, Lu would have chosen
love over filial piety. Tan Wan left and remarried another man while Lu You traveled to
Beijing to continue his studies and exams. After many years apart, Lu You finally returned to
his hometown. At the Shen Garden, he encountered Tan Wan for the first time since their
separation. Seeing her again, he realized that the love he had for her had always remained,
but like ten years ago, they could not be together. He carved this poem on a wall of the Shen
Garden and Tan Wan too carved a poem in reply expressing similar feelings. Today, their love
story is known throughout China and used in many books, movies, and TV shows.
“Phoenix Hairpin” defines why it is difficult to translate a Chinese poem into English. In
a classic Chinese poem such as “Phoenix Hairpin” the poet tries to fit as much meaning as
possible into minimal words, four letter phrases. Instead of using strong verbs like in English,
classical Chinese poems instead use nouns to characterize their meaning. Just imagine a
strong metaphor without the verb because the nouns have the power to paint the scene and
express feelings. Therefore, it was difficult to choose the correct words in the translation that
not only were close to the original meaning but also carried the same sense of sadness and
 Gao 2

regret in the original poem. Each character’s meaning is so rich that it needs several English
words to describe the same feelings and connotations that the poet originally intended to
write. Like in any cultural poem, some phrases have meanings that only people of the native
culture understand thus it was difficult to translate the same metaphors without adding a few
words to describe the author’s intentions. The original translator had attempted to make the
poem rhyme, which only made the translation hard to understand and took away the
connotation of some words. Therefore, I decided that since the original rhythm of the poem
was already taken away, rhyming would not help and meaning should be more important.
Moreover, it was important to also include the story of Tan Wan and Lu You in my met
cognitive because the poem was written around the story and when Chinese readers think of
the legendary poem, they think of the two lovers rather than just a poem on loneliness. Unlike
most poems I have analyzed, in this poem I have concluded that Lu You, the writer is also the
speaker, because the poem is a true story. From research, I have seen other Chinese readers
interpret the same way.
I chose to title the poem simply as “Phoenix Hairpin” because the original title in
Chinese was “Phoenix Hairpin.” The title is a symbol of Lu You and Tan Wan’s love. Lu You
had given her the hairpin as an engagement gift, a promise of their love. Instead of adding the
“Garden of Shen Tune” as the translator Xu Yuan Chong had done, I kept it like the original
title to emphasize the meaning of their love. Moreover, I did not want to add the word tune
because translating from Chinese to English, the poem no longer resembled a tune. The poem
was written in “ci” form which meant that the poem sounded like a tune but if and only
recited in an accurate tone and style. Since the simple four letter characters were transformed,
I felt as if the poem could no longer resemble a tune.
In the first sentence of the poem, Lu You describes the joyful relationship he once had
with Tan Wan in the beginning of their marriage. I started off with “tender hands of a lady”
rather than “pink hands so fine” as the other translator had because the word pink is not often
used to describe hands. It is a descriptive color that lacks feelings. By using a word such as
“tender” to describe the hands, the reader understands how delicate and soft they were like
the way Lu You thinks of his ex-wife. People often associate care with the word tender. Lu
 Gao 3

You started the poem with tender hands and wine to not only paint a picture of good times
like men sitting down to enjoy a drink or two but to let the audience know what he once had
and misses. In the phrase, I added the words “holding my cup of fine wine” because in
Chinese culture, it is a woman’s duty to pour wine and hold the cup for a man. Often when
Chinese people think of wine, they think of a lady pouring it. Thus by stating “my cup,” it
shows that Tan Wan, the woman, was once his wife. The original translator had “gold
branded wine” which only paints a picture of a bottle of wine. It lacks the purpose of the wine
that Lu You intended. This is an example of how it is difficult to translate Chinese poems that
lack verbs. It was also important to include “a lady” and “my” because it was a way of
introducing the two main characters of the poem. For an American audience that lacks
background knowledge of the love story, it is best to introduce the characters. Finishing the
sentence I had “spring paints the city, willows sway, unconfined by the palace walls. From
the Chinese poem, it is evident that the original translator had done a word by word
translation of the phrase which is why
“Spring paints the willows green palace walls can’t confine” lacks unity and seems
fragmented. From the Chinese translation, the first two characters define as “spring city.” It
lacked a verb so I decided to keep the verb “paints” from the original translator because it
personifies spring with power to paint the entire city. In Chinese and English spring depicts
freshness and bright colors as the leaves on trees grow and flowers bloom. The intense bright
colors of spring represented their love in the beginning, full of happiness and still strong. The
willows symbolize the two lovers. Their ability to sway and unconfined by the palace walls
shows how free they were in the beginning. Like new lovers, they were able to do what they
wished. The palace walls symbolize the government and his career (emperor and his royal
family lived in palaces and government officials’ duty was to serve them.) So madly in love,
Lu You had neglected his studies to become a government official. The line break and
indentation between willows sway and palace walls was intended to symbolize the lovers
separation from reality. They were so in love that they had forgotten their responsibilities.
The three commas in the sentence were intended so the reader could read slowly like Lu You
originally intended in the Chinese version to capture the hopelessness, sadness, and regret in
 Gao 4

his tone. I kept the introduction of hands, wine, and spring as one sentence to show a
complete phase in his relationship with Tan Wan.
In the next part of the poem, I started with “How cruel of the East wind!” instead of
“wind unfair” because I thought “cruel” would fit better. From the Chinese translation, the
character is defined as evil which has the same connotations as cruel. East wind symbolizes
the mother which I thought it was necessary to capitalize because she was the ultimate force
that separated them. From an American reader’s point of view, east does not give a clue to the
meaning of mother at all. However in Chinese, east is associated with “landlord” which
represents the mother, head of household. I chose to capitalize East to depict that it was a
person and to emphasize the power and importance of it similar to how God is capitalized in
American poetry. Cruel was a better word to describe the evil mother rather than unfair
because it reminded me of the evil stepmothers in fairytales. They had cruel intentions, not
unfair ones. I added an exclamation mark to emphasize the anger, frustration, and hurt he felt
when he had no choice but to divorce his wife. In the next part, the translator had “happy
times rare” which did not seem to fit in the poem for me. A better translation would have
been like “without joyous times” but it is without doubt that he was sad as stated in the next
line so I decided not to include the line. Since this is a love poem, I thought it was important
to include that they were broken apart by the mother. Without any background information,
the reader would not have understood that the couple broke apart. In the next part, I used “my
heart sunk in sadness” instead of “in my heart sad thought throng” because in his heart, the
strength of love that he had sunk, no longer existed. With the ability to sink, it shows how
heavy his feelings of sadness, sorrow, and loneliness were throughout the years they were
apart. Again, it was one of those phrases that lacked a verb. Similar to the original translator I
ended the first stanza with “Wrong, wrong, wrong” to show how all the events that occurred
without his control were wrong. It was wrong of his mother to separate them. It was wrong of
him to leave her. Instead of an exclamation mark at the end of the stanza, I had a simple
period because Lu You was regretting the past, so his tone would be mellow and hopeless
rather than anger. The exclamation mark did not fit the slow pace of the poem.
In the second stanza of the poem, Lu You describes the sudden encounter with Tan Wan
 Gao 5

as he returns back to his hometown. From Xu Chong’s translation, he had attempted to make
the poem rhyme so his translation was “spring is as green, in vain she’s lean.” Although the
words green and lean rhymed, they were poorly chosen words to describe the situation. From
the Chinese translation, I think Lu You had meant to say after all these years, their
surroundings, city and spring, has remained the same but only she has grown old and frail.
Similar to the Chinese version, I had “spring remains the same.” I made it a simple line
because his main focus was not on how beautiful spring was but on her. Xu Chong described
Tan Wan as “lean” which carries a positive connotation. Lean is defined as healthy without
any superfluous fat. However, from the word for word Chinese translation, Lu You had
written, “people empty skinny.” The word “empty” depicts that she looked hollow and fragile
rather than healthy. Therefore I chose the word “frail” to describe Tan Wan because it means
weak and delicate. She has grown older, bones turned brittle, thus why she is weak and looks
almost too delicate to touch. From more background information, Tan Wan died at an early
age, close to the time she saw Lu You again. In the next line the poet describes Tan Wan
crying. Xu Chong’s translation of the line was “hankerchief soaked with tears with red stains
unclean.” From the Chinese translation, it is a cultural understanding that red stains depict her
makeup/blush. I thought “red stains unclean” was confusing to readers because red stain
could mean blood or just dirty laundry and unclean was Xu Chong’s attempt to make the
poem rhyme. Instead I chose to include “blush” to not only define the object but also because
“blush” depicts happiness. People put on blush to look happier so when her blush was washed
away, her disguise was gone. Tan Wan was never happy with the new husband. Throughout
the years, sadness was alongside with her. ( It is proven that she was also sad from the poem
she wrote in response to “Phoenix Hairpin.” ) In the second stanza of the poem, the original
translator wrote the poem in third person point of view using she but I changed my version to
second person using you because Lu You had written the poem for his lover. By using you, it
showed that Lu You only focused on Tan Wan and was speaking to her as if all the feelings he
had throughout the years was brought out. His feelings of regret, care, and love are
emphasized if he spoke directly to her instead of describing her.
In the next part of the poem, the poet compares change in nature to his everlasting
 Gao 6

feelings for Tan Wan. Xu Chong translated the line “near deserted halls” instead of the literal
meaning “pond drying out” to make the poem rhyme. However, near deserted halls doesn’t
associate with nature like the previous line about peach blossoms. I think Lu You was trying
to state that beauty may die out but his love for her will never fade. Even though she has
grown older, beautiful peach blossoms may blow away, and ponds may dry out, his feelings
for her will always stay the same. This idea is supported in the next line of the Chinese
version when Lu You compares his feelings with the mountains and sea which I had included
in my translation. The permanence of the mountains and sea on earth carries an universal
understanding and fits the situation perfectly. Even if the mother had tried to separate the two
lovers or careers mattered more, his feelings for her had always stayed strong.
In the last few lines of the poem, the poet states how his feelings for Tan Wan cannot be
expressed. Instead of keeping what the translator had, “no word to her can go,” I decided
from the literal definition that the brocade of entries he had written were love letters to Tan
Wan. Although he had written love letters to her about how he still had feelings for her, none
of them could be sent because she had another husband. A letter from another man would
only create a scandal and ruin her reputation. I chose to separate and indent “but cannot be
sent” to emphasize the hesitance in his voice. In the Chinese version, the last three words of
the second stanza rhyme with the last three words of the first stanza. It was impossible to
think of a word that would rhyme with wrong but still had the same Chinese meaning because
the last three words do no have a definition. They were just verbal expressions similar to
signing. Therefore I agreed with Xu Chong’s translation of “no.” However, I changed the
exclamation points because I was trying to capture the slow pace of the original Chinese
poem. The poem is about regret and sorrow, so it should be read slowly.
My main purpose in the translation was trying to create an understanding of the poem for
American readers that a Chinese reader would from the original Chinese version. The poem
is known throughout China for the love story and the great amount of sorrow in it. Therefore
I was trying to create a tone that would emphasize the sadness and add a little bit of
information about the two lovers which the original translator lacked in. The beauty of a
Chinese poem is that five short lines can carry richer information and more meaning than ten
 Gao 7

thousand words. It was a challenge keeping the translation short while still converting the
feelings Lu You was trying to get across.