Pakistani Wedding

Posted by admin on September 4, 2010 · Leave a Comment 

Marriage in Pakistan is seen as the most standard and stable

living form for adults. A marriage is seen not only as a link between man and a women but it is also considered a
union between their parents’ families.
Most marriages in Pakistan are therefore arranged. Arranged marriages have been an integral part of Pakistani
society for centuries and it is quite normal for people to have their marriages planned by their parents and other
respected family-members. But nowadays love marriages are slowly becoming more common and acceptable in
Pakistan.
Arranged matches are made after taking into account factors such as the backgrounds of their families. Often a
marriage is made within the extended family, such as between cousins. Each tribal group also has certain
ceremonies that are an important part of the marriages within that group.
Polygamy is permitted under Pakistani law, however, it is now the exception rather than the norm and is very
uncommon in the major cities. A husband is more likely to get himself a second wife, or recommended by family
members to have a second marriage, if he remains childless with the first wife.
Kinship:
A Muslim marriage is seen as uniting the families of both the bride and groom, so the kin group is expanded after a
marriage. In some tribes there can be neither a cross-cultural marriage nor a dual ethnic one, so therefore the kin
groups are and basically remain identical ethnically and culturally.
Proposal party:
Is a reception made in the bride’s house, where the Groom parents and family elders asks for the Bride’s hands from
her parents. Once the wedding proposal is accepted the families read Surah Al-Fatihah, which is the first surah in the
Quran, and then tea and refreshments are served
Mangni:
Mangni is a formal ceremony to mark the engagement of the couple. It is usually a small ceremony that takes place in
the presence of a few close members of would-be bride’s & groom’s families. Prayer and blessings for the couple are
recited and the wedding date is usually decided.
Mayoon or Mayun:
Mayoon is celebrated at the bride’s house. Usually the bride’s friends and close relatives get together at her house
and they dance and sing, often accompanied by drum music. Generally the bride’s family give bangles and
sometimes clothes to her friends, depending on what the family can afford. The evening also usually includes a
henna where the women put designs in henna on each others’ hands. The mayoon can last up to late night. The
bride usually wears a simple yellow Shalwar Kameez. Mayun is a custom of the bride entering into the state of
seclusion eight to fifteen days before the wedding. She is made free of all the chores and errands during this time.
The bride and groom are not allowed to see each other after the Mayun. The beautification rituals begin during this
time.
Ubtan is a paste made from turmeric, sandalwood powder, herbs and aromatic oils, which groom’s mother brings for
bride. She blesses bride and applies “ubtan” to the bride’s hands and face. Groom’s sister also does the same, and a
thick string called a “Kangan (Bangles made of Flowers)” is tied to the bride’s arm. “Ubtan” is applied to the bride’s
skin each day leading up to the wedding. Similar ceremony is held for the groom, where bride’s mother, sisters,
cousins and friends bring ‘ubtan’ for groom and rub it on his skin.
Dholki:
Dholki is a popular ceremony of singing traditional wedding & popular songs accompanied by two or three percussion
instruments Dholki being the main. The girl is officially treated as bride (dulhan). She wears traditional Pakistani
yellow outfit. Her brothers, sisters, and cousins bring her (bride) in the dholki party.
Mehndi or Rasm-e-Henna:
Mehndi, or the Rasm-e-henna ceremony, typically takes place one or two days prior to the main wedding day. The
event is traditionally held separately for the bride and the groom, and henna is symbolically placed on the couple’s
hands. The groom’s friends and family bring along sweets and henna for the bride, and the bride’s family does the
same for the groom. On the bride’s ceremony the groom normally does not participate and similarly, on the groom’s
event the bride stays at home. Female guests are sometimes offered mehndi at the host’s discretion. The ceremony
may also be held simultaneously for both the groom and the bride.
The bride normally wears a green dress or yellows /oranges for mehndi and uses only light, or no, make up. The
groom will typically wear a casual shalwar kameez. The bride and/or the groom are brought forward in the ceremony
under a decorative dupatta by their close relatives.
Baraat:

Baraat is procession of family, relatives, and friends of groom that

accompany the groom to bride’s home for official wedding ceremony. Groom makes his way to the bride’s home on a
richly decked horse or in a car and ‘baraat’ follows in different vehicles. The barat is often accompanied by the
rhythms of a dhol (drum) as it arrives and is greeted with flowers garland and rose petals by the brides family. It is
customary for the bride’s sisters and friends to stop the barat from entering the arena until a sufficient amount of cash
is given to them. This can lead to banter, usually harmless and just for fun, between the bride’s sisters and friends on
one side and the groom’s brothers and friends on the other side. Then family and relatives of the groom and the bride
exchange glasses of juice or sherbet along with money or gifts
Nikah:
 0A bride signing the marriage contract, Nikaah at a Pakistani weddingNikah is purely
Islamic official wedding ceremony that usually takes place at the bride’s home. Nikah is attended by close family
members, relatives, and friends of groom and bride. Usually, the men and women are made to sit separately, in
different rooms, or have a purdah, or curtain, separating them.
Nikah-naama (document of marriage contract) is registered in Nikah. The Nikahnaama contains several terms and
conditions that are to be respected by both parties (bride & groom). It includes bride’s right to divorce her husband.
Nikahnaama specifies “Meher”, the monetary amount the groom will give the bride. Meher includes two amounts in
Pakistani culture, but in Islamic belief is one total amount; one that is due before the marriage is consummated and
the other that is a deferred amount given to the bride at a time to be determined. The Meher guarantees the bride’s
freedom within the marriage, and acts as the bride’s safety net.
The fathers of groom and bride act as witnesses to the wedding. If father is not available, the senior male, brother or
uncle performs the ceremony. Islamic Imam (called maulana or maulvi) reads selected verses from the Quran and
waits for the Ijab-e-Qubul (proposal and acceptance) of wedding. Usually, the groom’s side makes proposal and the
bride’s side conveys her assent. Maulvi and witnesses (gavah) take the Nikahnaama to the bride and read it aloud to
her. She accepts the Nikahnaama saying “qabool hai” meaning “I accept” and signs it. The Nikahnaama is then taken
to the groom and read aloud to him. He accepts also by saying “‘qabool hai” and signs the document. The Maulvi and
witnesses (gavah) also do sign the Nikahnaama contract and the wedding becomes legal. The Maulvi recites the
Fatihah, the first chapter of the Quran, and various durud, or blessings to mark the closing of Nikah ceremony.
After the wedding is legally announced, dishes of dates and misri (unrefined sugar) are served to the groom’s family.
Groom is then escorted to his bride where he’s allowed to sit beside his wife. This is the time when sisters-in-law of
groom play pranks and tease the groom.
Mooh Dikhai:
Mooh Dikhai is the ceremony of first time “showing of the face” after the Nikah. The couple is made to see each other
in the mirror and the bride unveils her face that she keeps hidden during the Nikah. The custom of Mooh Dikhai is
also called “Aarsi Musshaf.” The bride and groom share a piece of sweet fruit, such as a date and family and friends
congratulate the couple and offer gifts. Dinner is served to the guests. The sisters, friends, and female cousins of
bride take this opportunity to steal the groom’s shoes and demand a sum of money for shoes. This is very popular
custom and groom usually carries a lot of cash, due to the popularity of this custom. He pays money to get back his
shoes and girls divide the money among themselves.
Shaadi:
The groom usually arrives at the wedding with a band playing dhols, trumpets and horns – signalling the arrival of the
men’s side of the family. Families and friends enjoy a wedding ceremony in a marquee, the main day of the wedding
is called shaadi, which is the bride’s reception. The event takes place at the bride’s house, where large wedding tents
may be set up in the garden or a nearby place. It has also become very common to hold the event in a marriage hall
or hotel. The bride’s family is responsible for the reception and arrangements on this day.
The groom may wear a traditional dress such as sherwani with a sehra or turban though some may prefer to wear a
western inspired suit. The bride traditionally wears a red/pink/purple gharara, lehenga or shalwar kameez which is
heavily embroidered; other bright colors may also be seen. The dress is always accompanied with heavy gold
jewellery.
The nikah is the Islamic marriage contract ceremony. It either takes place at the Shaadi itself or on a separate day at
the bride’s house, before the shaadi event. It is performed by an imam which formally indicates signing of the
marriage contract. The bride and groom must both have two witnesses present to ensure that the marriage is
consensual.
A dinner is served which consists of several dishes alongside pullao, biryani, chaap ,dal gosht , kebabs, tandoori
chicken and naan with beverages or soft drinks in summer and tea during winter.
Rukhsati:
Finally, the Rukhsati takes place, when the groom and his family will leave together with the bride. The Qur’an is
normally held over the brides head as she walks from the stage to the exit in order to bless her. This is a somber
occasion for the bride’s parents as it marks the departure of their daughter from their home. The departure of the
bride becomes a very emotional scene as she says farewell to the home of her parents and siblings to start a new
married life.
Traditionally, the groom traveled by a decorated horse to the bride’s house and after the wedding ceremony took his
wife in a doli (palanquin) to his parents’ house to live. The horse and the carts have nowadays been replaced by cars,
and one will, in sharp contrast to western weddings, typically see a quiet bride with wet eyes as she sits in the car
beside her husband leaving for her new home.
Valima:
This is the final day of the wedding held by couple as they host their first dinner as husband and wife. The groom’s
family invites all of the bride’s family and their guests to their home for a feast at their place or a marriage hall. The
walima is typically the most festive event of the wedding ceremony and intends to publicize the marriage.
The bride wears a heavily decorated dress with gold jewelery provided by the groom’s family. Typical colour palettes
are pastel shades. The groom normally opts for a formal Western suit or tuxedo.
The Western equivalent to the walima would be the wedding reception, though walima’s are held the day after the
shaadi or wedding.
Religious and ethnic:
Wedding ceremonies and customs often differ significantly between Deobandis , Barelwis , Shias and Sunnis and
also among the different sub-groups of the Barelwis. The above mentioned marriage customs are typical of a fairly
liberal-minded Pakistani family. More orthodox families have more sober ceremonies, especially no music is allowed,
and the bride wears a Hijab. Customs are also variety among Punjabis, Pakhtuns, Sindhis , Memons, Balochis,
Muhajirs, Biharis and Kashmiri Muslims.