Financial Abuse

7 Nov.
2019
https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/7-steps-to-recovering-from-
narcissistic-financial-abuse/
Financial Abuse
I really do believe that narcissistic financial abuse is one of the most

excruciating things to try to recover from.
Truly, to add injury to insult, not only are we smashed emotionally and
mentally by narcissists, it is also very usual that the losses financially are
hefty.
Narcissists are loose and unaccountable they love to sidle up to people
who will mop up their messes for them. They are also parasitical and
entitled. They believe what is yours is theirs and as soon as the ship in the
relationship starts sinking, the narcissist is already thinking about all the
cargo they can hoist into their lifeboat – leaving you destitute and sinking
behind.
Often in these types of toxic relationships, narcissistic financial abuse is
happening even before the cracks appear.
After all, it always was all about them, so why would finances be any
different? (Please don’t get confused about altruistic narcissistic being
different with this, because they use ‘generosity’ to get narcissistic supply).
Most people who connect with narcissists are good people, and we find
narcissistic financial abuse incredibly difficult to comprehend. We have a
conscience and don’t believe in taking any more that is rightfully ours.
It’s not until we understand and accept how narcissists think that we can
get our head around what they are up to and why they do it.
The narcissist’s model of the world is one where they believe others
operate as they do – and who gets in first wins. They truly believe that you
are a bad person, and they are the victim. There is every twisted
justification as to why you owe them, and why they are entitled to take
from you.
This has devastated more people than we could ever imagine and will
continue to do so until people know how to empower themselves against
it.
To help you learn how to do this, I wanted to grant you these very
important 7 steps that I have found highly successful regarding healing
from narcissistic financial abuse.
Step 1: Stop Any More Destruction To Your Finances

It’s time to do the actions that enforce the ultimate boundary of ‘No
More!’
Start thinking like the enemy. Secure away all that you can and don’t leave
yourself open to any more financial abuse. Think that the unthinkable is
possible. Many others and I have suffered incredible narcissistic financial
abuse, including account theft by narcissists, such as them forging
cheques.
Tighten and close down any hatches that the narcissist can get to your stuff
through. And I mean it when I say, leave no stone unturned, because you
have no idea exactly what a narcissist is capable of doing. Also, if you are
leaving a narcissist, know that anything of value, if left behind could be
ensnared by the narcissist and used to keep you hooked for narcissistic
supply, or even sold out from underneath you. Plan wisely and have things
removed when the narcissist doesn’t know and store them where the
narcissists can’t find them.
A very dear friend of mine is going through this right now. She didn’t
believe that her husband who displays narcissistic traits would ever stoop
so low. She left the marriage and the home, and now everything that is of
value to her, he will not let her have access to.
She didn’t see it coming.
Step 2: Don’t Try To Make a ‘Deal’

Those who experienced narcissistic financial abuse, including myself, tried
to smooth things over, be nice, cut a deal, come to arrangements and the
like. All this does is keep feeding the narcissist energy and keeps you
hooked into them. They are not interested in playing fair, doing the right
thing or making arrangements. They simply want you to hurt, and them to
win and gain the egoic significance of knowing that they have you caught
up in their web.
Often what happens is while you are trying to make arrangements and
deals with them, the narcissist is angling for how, now, they can get even
more money or stuff out of you. They know, because we are good people,
that if they ‘give us their word’ we will try to keep the peace, do the right
thing and may even be susceptible to lending them more money or doing
more favours for them so that they will come good on their ‘promise’.
The truth is narcissists are only telling us what we want to hear to make
this possible.
Know this: No deal with a narcissist stands unless it is signed and sealed
on the dotted line and can be enforced legally. (Even then it is suspect.)
Step 3: Make Peace With What You Have Lost or Are Going To Lose
As we know, narcissists love to take your money and your stuff and hold it
over you to keep you hooked to them – it’s fabulous A-grade narcissistic
supply.
Know this: if you have no way of legally retrieving what is yours, accept
it’s not coming back to you.
If you legally can go after them do (I have a resource here that can help
you know how to defeat narcissists legally) but if not, the following is vital
to understand:
Firstly, the narcissist has convinced themselves you owe them at least what
they have taken. Secondly, them withholding is used as a tool to torture
you, as malicious vindication for the narcissist considering what they
believe you did to them.
There is only one way out of that hellhole, let go and do everything you
can to make PEACE with your losses. Sometimes we have to pay to have
our rubbish removed.
The truth is our soul health is worth far more than any physical thing. I
know, when I lost copious amounts (pretty much everything I had worked
my entire life for), I had to work very hard with Quanta Freedom Healing
to release the excruciating trauma of that.
It worked. I did reach complete peace, and I know so many others who
have also.
Please know, it can be hard to shift our pain and rage at the narcissist for
skipping off into the sunset, apparently thrilled with taking what is ours,
while we are left behind broken and destitute.
Through inner healing and aligning ourselves with the truth, we can let this
go too. Narcissists are never having a great time, no matter what they do or
don’t have. It is all illusionary.
But WE can generate real, and incredibly soul gratifying lives.
Which leads us to the next important step.
Step 4: Fully Commit To the Healing Process

This is where you can turn inwards to make your greatest mission,
vocation and purpose about healing, self-integrating and valuing your soul.
Through narcissistic financial abuse, and losing all that we thought ‘was
us’, we get to release the identity hold of our ego and come home to truly
loving ourselves unconditionally, without props, just as ourselves.
When you heal through these layers, the relief is indescribable regardless
of what you do or don’t have yet.
I can’t tell you what happened for me when I accepted this as my greatest
necessity, and all else took a back seat. For the first time ever, I started to
rejoice in the wealth of the small things, and gratitude filled my incredibly
humble life.
The support and love that started entering my life genuinely, for really the
first time in my life, was overwhelmingly beautiful. And finally, I was
present enough to see it and be with it.
If you, possibly for the first time ever, drop the ego need to rebuild and be
seen as accomplished and successful, and let go of the need for stuff and
acquisitions now, and instead put the wealth of your soul and its recovery
right up to your highest priority – I can’t tell you how much all of
Life/Source/God will start to nourish and flourish you genuinely beyond
measure.
Step 5: Heal Your Deficient Money Beliefs

This is a vital step that many people miss after narcissistic financial abuse.
If you just try to push on and get back out there in the world to recover the
money and resources you lost, you are not truly honouring yourself, and
your recovery will be missed.
I can’t tell you enough how this is one of the most serious mistakes I see
people make. Yes, it’s true we must survive and keep food on the table and
the roof over our head. So, do that, but take the pressure off yourself to fly
and succeed.
Your wings are broken and need to mend before you can fly again.
Then you will be able to be aligned with abundance and flow, without fear.
My life changed dramatically when I cleared the numerous (I had tons) of
blocks regarding revenue and wellbeing. I also had terrible
self-
sabotaging beliefs about trying to earn and buy people’s
love and very scanty boundaries regarding money. Deep in
my healing, I realised how I was never going to be successful no matter
how hard I tried. These traumas had kept me locked into painful financial
trajectories like heat seeming missiles over and over again.
If it hadn’t been for two narcissists bring me to my knees financially, and
be being supremely dedicated to finding, releasing and healing the traumas
that I discovered with the NARP work – I would not be living the
incredible, abundant and fertile life I live today.
I also saw that every time I released the fear of debt or not
bring enough or having lost 40 years of life effort
financially that miracles started to appear in my life,
including financially.
Because my Inner Identity no longer needed wealth to fulfil it because it
was becoming more and more whole on the inside, abundant opportunities
and my own inspiration started to organically come.
Not because I needed it, because I was BEING it.
Since cleaning up my painful financial beliefs, after honouring and healing
my soul health first, my life has changed beyond description on these
topics, and so will yours.
Step 6: Release The Guilt of Having Put People You Love Through
Financial Hardship
Many of us have struggled with this next important step.
After narcissist number 1 my son was devastated that we lost his home. He
was traumatised beyond measure regarding the step down in
accommodation that we had to make.
I promise you that, when I led the way and accepted that what was
happening to us was a part of our soul evolution, including his, and got
‘okay’ with it, he followed.
I am so proud to say now that my son is not superficial and doesn’t prize
‘stuff’ over people or his soul. We both generated incredible building of
our lives, and he is a successful self-actualised balanced adult financially.
Rather than there being ‘scars’ concerning what we went through, the
rebuild, starting with our souls, was some of the most powerful and
abundant lessons we ever learnt.
Step 7: Become Who You Are Truly Meant To Be
So many people work in vocations they don’t like, just to make money.
That isn’t a living. It’s a dying.
My suggestion is, whilst you are healing and aligning with your soul, to
cover your needs with a job that is not going to be all-consuming, even if it
isn’t your dream purpose.
Then as you release trauma and heal, start asking yourself the following
questions:
1) WHO am I?
2) What lights me up?
3) What do I want to unfold from within me to make a difference?
4) What unique contribution can I make?
I also suggest doing specific Quanta Freedom Healing Shifts on any
traumas getting in the way of you aligning with the answers to these
questions. Many people who have done this, have fast-tracked toward the
unfoldment of their true soul’s missions, that have not only gratified their
sense of purpose magnificently but also provided grand abundance to them
as well.
Which is exactly what happens when we get on soul and on song!
I promise you that when you devote to healing and releasing your True
Self, your mission will emerge from within. It starts as feelings and urges
and the more you shift out the doubts and blocks within you, the more this
will come into focus, bringing opportunities, possibility and miracle in to
cogenerate it with you.
I hope that these 7 steps have provided you with a way through that will
grant you clarity, direction, relief and personal power.
(If this article is really resonating with you and you would like to learn
more about the complete system I have developed to not only survive but
Thrive after narcissistic financial abuse, with the use of energetic work,
then I recommend you take a look at the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
Program.)
I look forward to answering your comments and questions about this very
important topic.

Financial Abuse

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7 Nov.

I really do believe that narcissistic financial abuse is one of the most

Step 1: Stop Any More Destruction To Your Finances

Step 2: Don’t Try To Make a ‘Deal’

Step 4: Fully Commit To the Healing Process

Step 5: Heal Your Deficient Money Beliefs

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