Crime and Punishment 55 of 967 It would have been difficult to sink to a lower

ebb of disorder, but to Raskolnikov in his present state of mind this was
positively agreeable. He had got completely away from everyone, like a
tortoise in its shell, and even the sight of a servant girl who had to wait upon
him and looked sometimes into his room made him writhe with nervous
irritation. He was in the condition that overtakes some monomaniacs entirely
concentrated upon one thing. His landlady had for the last fortnight given up
sending him in meals, and he had not yet thought of expostulating with her,
though he went without his dinner. Nastasya, the cook and only servant, was
rather pleased at the lodger’s mood and had entirely given up sweeping and
doing his room, only once a week or so she would stray into his room with a
broom. She waked him up that day. ‘Get up, why are you asleep?’ she called
to him. ‘It’s past nine, I have brought you some tea; will you have a cup? I
should think you’re fairly starving?’ Raskolnikov opened his eyes, started
and recognised Nastasya. ‘From the landlady, eh?’ he asked, slowly and with
a sickly face sitting up on the sofa. ‘From the landlady, indeed!’
Crime and Punishment 56 of 967 She set before him her own cracked teapot full
of weak and stale tea and laid two yellow lumps of sugar by the side of it.
‘Here, Nastasya, take it please,’ he said, fumbling in his pocket (for he had
slept in his clothes) and taking out a handful of coppers—‘run and buy me a
loaf. And get me a little sausage, the cheapest, at the pork-butcher’s.’ ‘The
loaf I’ll fetch you this very minute, but wouldn’t you rather have some
cabbage soup instead of sausage? It’s capital soup, yesterday’s. I saved it for
you yesterday, but you came in late. It’s fine soup.’ When the soup had been
brought, and he had begun upon it, Nastasya sat down beside him on the sofa
and began chatting. She was a country peasant-woman and a very talkative
one. ‘Praskovya Pavlovna means to complain to the police about you,’ she
said. He scowled. ‘To the police? What does she want?’ ‘You don’t pay her
money and you won’t turn out of the room. That’s what she wants, to be
sure.’ ‘The devil, that’s the last straw,’ he muttered, grinding his teeth, ‘no,
that would not suit me ... just now. She is a fool,’ he added aloud. ‘I’ll go and
talk to her to-day.’
Crime and Punishment 57 of 967 ‘Fool she is and no mistake, just as I am. But
why, if you are so clever, do you lie here like a sack and have nothing to
show for it? One time you used to go out, you say, to teach children. But why
is it you do nothing now?’ ‘I am doing ...’ Raskolnikov began sullenly and
reluctantly. ‘What are you doing?’ ‘Work ...’ ‘What sort of work?’ ‘I am
thinking,’ he answered seriously after a pause. Nastasya was overcome with a
fit of laughter. She was given to laughter and when anything amused her, she
laughed inaudibly, quivering and shaking all over till she felt ill. ‘And have
you made much money by your thinking?’ she managed to articulate at last.
‘One can’t go out to give lessons without boots. And I’m sick of it.’ ‘Don’t
quarrel with your bread and butter.’ ‘They pay so little for lessons. What’s
the use of a few coppers?’ he answered, reluctantly, as though replying to his
own thought. ‘And you want to get a fortune all at once?’ He looked at her
strangely.
Crime and Punishment 58 of 967 ‘Yes, I want a fortune,’ he answered firmly,
after a brief pause. ‘Don’t be in such a hurry, you quite frighten me! Shall I
get you the loaf or not?’ ‘As you please.’ ‘Ah, I forgot! A letter came for you
yesterday when you were out.’ ‘A letter? for me! from whom?’ ‘I can’t say. I
gave three copecks of my own to the postman for it. Will you pay me back?’
‘Then bring it to me, for God’s sake, bring it,’ cried Raskolnikov greatly
excited—‘good God!’ A minute later the letter was brought him. That was it:
from his mother, from the province of R——. He turned pale when he took it.
It was a long while since he had received a letter, but another feeling also
suddenly stabbed his heart. ‘Nastasya, leave me alone, for goodness’ sake;
here are your three copecks, but for goodness’ sake, make haste and go!’ The
letter was quivering in his hand; he did not want to open it in her presence; he
wanted to be left alone with this letter. When Nastasya had gone out, he lifted
it quickly to his lips and kissed it; then he gazed intently at
Crime and Punishment 59 of 967 the address, the small, sloping handwriting, so
dear and familiar, of the mother who had once taught him to read and write.
He delayed; he seemed almost afraid of something. At last he opened it; it
was a thick heavy letter, weighing over two ounces, two large sheets of note
paper were covered with very small handwriting. "My dear Rodya,’ wrote his
mother—‘it’s two months since I last had a talk with you by letter which has
distressed me and even kept me awake at night, thinking. But I am sure you
will not blame me for my inevitable silence. You know how I love you; you
are all we have to look to, Dounia and I, you are our all, our one hope, our
one stay. What a grief it was to me when I heard that you had given up the
university some months ago, for want of means to keep yourself and that you
had lost your lessons and your other work! How could I help you out of my
hundred and twenty roubles a year pension? The fifteen roubles I sent you
four months ago I borrowed, as you know, on security of my pension, from
Vassily Ivanovitch Vahrushin a merchant of this town. He is a kind-hearted
man and was a friend of your
Crime and Punishment 60 of 967 father’s too. But having given him the right to
receive the pension, I had to wait till the debt was paid off and that is only
just done, so that I’ve been unable to send you anything all this time. But
now, thank God, I believe I shall be able to send you something more and in
fact we may congratulate ourselves on our good fortune now, of which I
hasten to inform you. In the first place, would you have guessed, dear Rodya,
that your sister has been living with me for the last six weeks and we shall
not be separated in the future. Thank God, her sufferings are over, but I will
tell you everything in order, so that you may know just how everything has
happened and all that we have hitherto concealed from you. When you wrote
to me two months ago that you had heard that Dounia had a great deal to put
up with in the Svidrigraïlovs’ house, when you wrote that and asked me to
tell you all about it—what could I write in answer to you? If I had written the
whole truth to you, I dare say you would have thrown up everything and have
come to us, even if you had to walk all the way, for I know your character
and your feelings, and you would not let your sister be insulted. I was in
despair myself, but
Crime and Punishment 61 of 967 what could I do? And, besides, I did not know
the whole truth myself then. What made it all so difficult was that Dounia
received a hundred roubles in advance when she took the place as governess
in their family, on condition of part of her salary being deducted every
month, and so it was impossible to throw up the situation without repaying
the debt. This sum (now I can explain it all to you, my precious Rodya) she
took chiefly in order to send you sixty roubles, which you needed so terribly
then and which you received from us last year. We deceived you then,
writing that this money came from Dounia’s savings, but that was not so, and
now I tell you all about it, because, thank God, things have suddenly changed
for the better, and that you may know how Dounia loves you and what a heart
she has. At first indeed Mr. Svidrigaïlov treated her very rudely and used to
make disrespectful and jeering remarks at table.... But I don’t want to go into
all those painful details, so as not to worry you for nothing when it is now all
over. In short, in spite of the kind and generous behaviour of Marfa Petrovna,
Mr. Svidrigaïlov’s wife, and all the rest of the household, Dounia had a very
hard time,
Crime and Punishment 62 of 967 especially when Mr. Svidrigaïlov, relapsing
into his old regimental habits, was under the influence of Bacchus. And how
do you think it was all explained later on? Would you believe that the crazy
fellow had conceived a passion for Dounia from the beginning, but had
concealed it under a show of rudeness and contempt. Possibly he was
ashamed and horrified himself at his own flighty hopes, considering his years
and his being the father of a family; and that made him angry with Dounia.
And possibly, too, he hoped by his rude and sneering behaviour to hide the
truth from others. But at last he lost all control and had the face to make
Dounia an open and shameful proposal, promising her all sorts of
inducements and offering, besides, to throw up everything and take her to
another estate of his, or even abroad. You can imagine all she went through!
To leave her situation at once was impossible not only on account of the
money debt, but also to spare the feelings of Marfa Petrovna, whose
suspicions would have been aroused: and then Dounia would have been the
cause of a rupture in the family. And it would have meant a terrible scandal
for Dounia too; that would have been inevitable. There