Teen Pregnancy & Sex Education for Teenagers

Teen Sex and Sex Ed

About 20 percent of the decline in teen pregnancy rates since 1991 is thought to be related to a decrease in
sexual activity among adolescents. According to the CDC's Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS), fewer
teens are having sexual intercourse and teens have fewer sexual partners than in the past.
The other 80 percent of the decline in teen pregnancies is thought to be associated with more effective
birth control practice. In particular, the number of teens who regularly use condoms has increased
significantly over the past 10 years.
Sex and contraceptive education may be the most effective way to reduce teen pregnancy. However,
teenagers generally are uninformed about the availability, efficiency, and choices of contraceptives available.
Only 69 percent of school districts in the United States teach sex education. Most of these (86 percent)
promote abstinence (i.e., not having sex) instead of teaching teenagers how to protect themselves from
sexually transmitted diseases and how to prevent pregnancy if they are going to have sex.

Components of Sex and Sex Ed

 Teens must be educated and informed about how to avoid risky sexual behavior and how to use
contraceptives correctly. They need basic information about how to protect themselves and their
reproductive health.
 Teenagers must develop skills in communication and sexual decision making so that sex does not just
"happen."
 Teenagers must be made aware of the consequences of having more than one child at a young age.
Twenty-five percent of teenage mothers give birth to a second baby within 2 years.

www.healthcommunities.com/teen-pregnancy/children/sex-education.shtml

The Effects of Physical & Verbal Abuse on Teenagers

by Beth Greenwood

In 2011, more than 118,000 children were physically abused in the United States, according to
the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Children’s Bureau, and more than 60,000
were psychologically abused. About 7 percent of those abused were between the ages of 12 and
14; older teens were less likely to be abused, with a rate of 3.7 percent for 17-year-olds. Physical
and verbal abuse against teens can have long-lasting emotional and physical health effects on
them.
Verbal Abuse and Behavior
Verbal abuse is aggressive behavior expressed as name-calling, belittling, swearing, negative
criticism, threats or ordering a child around, according to Dr. Asa Don Brown, writing for the
Canadian Counseling and Psychotherapy Association. Brown notes that those who are verbally
abused can develop low self-esteem, act out in a negative fashion, use alcohol or other
substances to dull emotional pain or turn to self-mutilation. In addition, they might develop anti-
social behaviors as a result of the abuse.

Depression, Anxiety and Self-criticism

A Florida State University study found that people who were verbally abused as children were
more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety and to become self-critical adults. People who
had been abused were twice as likely to have suffered a mood disorder and had 1.6 times as
many symptoms of depression and anxiety. The study included people from ages 15 to 54. About
30 percent of the study participants had been verbally abused by a parent. The abuse included
insults, swearing, threats of physical abuse and spiteful comments or behavior. Those who had
been physically abused also tended to be extremely self-critical.

Physical Abuse and Behavior

Physical abuse is more easily detected because it often involves visible bruises, burns, welts or
injuries such as broken bones. Abuse can lead to behaviors such as lying, stealing, fighting and
aggression, or behavior such as being shy, defensive or dependent. Teens who have been abused
might turn to prostitution, run away or become delinquent, according to the National Council on
Child Abuse and Family Violence, which notes that the effects of childhood abuse can last a
lifetime. Teens who have been abused might also abuse others.

Abuse and Emotions

Teens who are being or have been abused might have trouble eating, sleeping or concentrating,
according to KidsHealth. Some might develop problems in school because they are angry or
frightened, or because they don’t just care. They might become distrustful and feel angry toward
other people or have difficulty making friends. Some will even attempt suicide. It is not
uncommon for a teen who is abused to feel guilty and embarrassed or to blame themselves.
Many teens will not tell anyone about the abuse, particularly if the abuser threatens other people
the teen cares about.
https://living.thebump.com/effects-physical-verbal-abuse-teenagers-6178.htm
How Does Emotional Abuse Hurt?
The effects of emotional abuse are often silent. Verbal and psychological wounds leave
a child forever changed. Emotional abuse is often overlooked, unnoticed or confused
with other causes.

Emotional child abuse attacks a child's self-concept. The child comes to see him or
herself as unworthy of love and affection. An infant who is being deprived of emotional
nurturing, connection and bonding through close contact, even though physically well cared
for, can fail to thrive.

The wounds of maltreatment, in children who are shamed, I can't believe you
embarrassed me like this!," humiliated, "You idiot!," terrorized, "You're really gonna get
it now!" or rejected, "Go to your room!" are as equally significant, although seemingly
invisible and harder to recognize or quantify than the wounds of the worst physical and
sexual abuse.

Less severe forms of early emotional deprivation still can produce drastic effects of
emotional abuse such as babies who grow into anxious and insecure children who are
slow to develop and who may fail to develop a strong sense of self-esteem.

Other types of abuse are usually noticed because marks or other physical evidence is
left, however, signs of emotional abuse can be very hard to define.

In some instances, the effects of emotional abuse are so subtle that an emotionally
mistreated child may show no outward signs of abuse. For this reason, emotional
abuse is the most difficult form of child maltreatment to identify and stop.

This type of abuse leaves hidden scars

that manifest themselves in numerous ways.
Insecurity, poor self-esteem, destructive behavior, angry acts such as fire setting or
cruelty to animals, withdrawal, poor development of basic skills, alcohol or drug abuse,
suicide and difficulty forming relationships can all be possible results of emotional
abuse.

Behavioral Effects
Emotional child abuse can result in other more serious psychological and/or behavioral
problems. These include depression, lack of attachment or emotional bond to a parent
or guardian, low cognitive ability and educational achievement and poor social skills.

One study which followed emotionally abused children in infancy and then again during
their preschool years consistently found them to be "angry, uncooperative and
unattached to their primary caregiver." These children more often also lacked creativity,
persistence and enthusiasm.

The effects of emotional abuse in children who experience rejection demonstrate that
they are more likely than "accepted" children to exhibit hostility, aggressive or
passive-aggressive behavior, to be extremely dependent, to have negative opinions
of themselves and their abilities, to be emotionally unstable or unresponsive, and to
have a negative perception of the world around them.

Parental verbal aggression (e.g., yelling, insulting) or symbolic aggression (e.g.,

slamming a door, giving the silent treatment) toward children can have serious
consequences.

Children who witness abuse in relationships or emotional spousal abuse demonstrate

higher rates of physical aggressiveness, delinquency and interpersonal problems than
other children. Children whose parents are additionally physically abusive are even
more likely to experience such difficulties.
Children who see or hear their mothers being abused
are victims of emotional abuse.

Growing up in such an environment is terrifying and severely affects a child's

psychological and social development. Male children may learn to model violent
behavior while female children may learn that being abused is a normal part of
relationships. This contributes to the multi-generational cycle of violence.

The consequences of emotional child abuse can be serious and long-term. Emotionally
abused children may experience a lifelong pattern of depression, estrangement,
anxiety, low self-esteem, inappropriate or troubled relationships, or a lack of empathy.

As teenagers, they find it difficult to trust, participate in and achieve happiness in

relationships, and resolve the complex feelings left over from their childhoods. As
adults, they may have trouble recognizing and appreciating the needs and feelings of
their own children and emotionally abuse them as well.

If you grew up in a verbally abusive home, it may be hard to change your patterns of
reacting or see a new way out of conflict with your children. I can help, if you're willing to
look beyond behavior to the root causes of aggression, defiance and disrespect.

https://www.teach-through-love.com/effects-of-emotional-abuse.html
What is Verbal Abuse?

What is verbal abuse?

Verbal abuse is just as common, if not more so, than physical. However, it is not as obvious,
making it much harder on the individual being victimized to prove their stance. Especially in the
case of children being verbally abused, it may seem nearly impossible to find help because there
is no evidence, besides the way that person feels.

The definition of verbal abuse is to assail with contemptuous, coarse, or insulting words (1). It
could involve any of the following:

 Name-calling
 Put-downs
 Blaming
 Criticizing
This is not a complete list, however, because verbal abuse can be any number of stated insults.
There are several categories in which verbal abuse can be categorized:

 Withholding: This involves a lack of empathy, especially in intimate relationships, such

as marriages, where one partner holds back feelings, thoughts, or opinions. Of course,
every time a partner is not speaking about everything going on in his or her life, it is not
necessarily abuse. When it gets to a point of absolute lack of communication, it is
considered abusive. Withholding also includes refusal to listen.
 Countering: Countering is contradicting the thoughts and opinions of another. It
becomes a problem when one person refuses to even listen to differing views on a
subject, and cuts off the speaker when he or she doesn’t agree. This often involves the
attacker “correcting” the other party’s words if he or she does not concur.
 Discounting: Discounting is when one person reduces the feelings of another and says,
for instance, that their emotions are unjustified. It takes away the validity and importance
of one’s perspective and labels it as incorrect.
 Joking/Teasing: Teasing is common in younger children and teenagers, but is not limited
to this age group. Joking is not an issue in itself, but it can be used as ammunition to cut
someone down. It crosses the line of verbal abuse when a person “makes fun” of
someone else at their expense, and the person being teased is not finding it amusing.
Joking can be used inappropriately when a person brings up painful or sensitive subjects
knowingly, intending to hurt the other individual.
 Blocking/Diverting: This is a complete lack of correspondence, and is often used as a
way of avoiding conflict and conflict resolution. A person who uses diversion as a
defense refuses to solve relationship problems, and as a result the difficulties only
increase.
 Accusing/Blaming: Accusations are used to avert the conversation from the matters at
hand. Someone may reproach their significant other although they know that the acts they
are blaming the other for are false, because it gives them a feeling of having the upper
hand in the relationship. Blaming puts the other person on defensive, constantly
wondering if they did something wrong.
 Judging/Criticizing: The verbal abuser may point out flaws in his or her
partner/child/friend in a critical way. When confronted, he may justify his actions by
saying he was simply offering “constructive criticism” when in reality, he is voicing his
lack of acceptance of the other party (2). Some of the effects of verbal abuse include low
self-esteem, trust issues, a sense of feeling confined and devoid of options, poor self-care,
and power of choice becomes eroded. Verbal abuse can even cause more serious side
effects on its victims, such as clinical depression, chemical dependency, denial, and
extreme codependency (3). Verbal abuse is not restricted to any particular group of
people or type of relationship. This form of abuse is common in parent/child,
husband/wife, friend/friend relationships, and is even used by complete strangers. Verbal
abuse can be as subtle as eye rolling or as overt as name-calling. This form of abuse
constitutes for approximately 17% of all abuse cases, but is usually present in physical
and sexual abuse as well.
https://www.teenhelp.com/teen-abuse/what-is-verbal-abuse/
 What is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse is a type of abuse that you can experience in an
abusive relationship. Although it doesn’t leave you with
physical scars, it can have a huge impact on your confidence and
self-esteem. Emotional abuse comes in many forms, which
might not be obvious at first. If you feel that you may be in an
emotionally abusive relationship, there are a number of things
you can do to get support.

This can help if:

 you feel like you’re not good enough
 you’re afraid of your partner leaving you
 your partner calls you names or puts you down.

What is emotional abuse?

Many unhealthy relationships involve aspects of emotional abuse. The aim
of the emotional abuser is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and
independence. In an emotionally abusive relationship, you may feel that
there is no way out or that without your partner you’ll have nothing.
Emotional abuse is related to physical abuse

Emotional abuse can feel as destructive and damaging as physical abuse,

and can severely impact your mental health. It's common for physical
abusers also to dish out emotional abuse as a way of maintaining power
and control over you.

Types of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can involve any of the following:

 Verbal violence – yelling at you, insulting you or

swearing at you.
 Rejection – pretending not to notice your presence,
or ignoring your conversation.
 Put-downs – calling you names or telling you that
you’re stupid, publicly embarrassing you, blaming you
for everything.
 Causing fear – making you feel afraid, intimidated
or threatened.
 Isolation – limiting your freedom of movement,
stopping you from contacting other people (such as
friends or family).
  Financial dependence – controlling or withholding
your money, preventing you from working, stealing from
you.
 Bullying – purposely and repeatedly saying or
doing things that are hurtful to you.

The impact of emotional abuse

Physical violence is often seen as being more serious than emotional
abuse, but this simply isn’t true. The scars of emotional abuse are real and
long lasting. As well as having a negative impact on your self-esteem and
confidence, emotional abuse can leave you feeling depressed, anxious and
even suicidal.
 Tips for Talking to Teens About Money
While many moms and dads often give advice to their teenage children
about school, sports, and clothes, very few feel comfortable educating
them about finances. But, parents are the best source for teaching teens
about money.
Most schools don’t teach students how to save, balance a checkbook, or
make personal finance goals. If teens don’t learn the basics from their
parents, they’re at risk for making lifelong money mistakes. Don’t let
your teen learn about personal finance from the school of hard knocks.
Instead, here are ten vital tips for teaching teens about money
management.
Teach the value of saving early --Teenagers may not have money
making power early on, but they have one huge advantage over nearly
everyone else—the advantage of time. The money they save today can
turn into big bucks when they’re ready to retire because of compound
interest.
Promote goal-setting--Talk to your teen about what their goals are for
their money, and how they plan to get there. If they really want an
iPod®, help them learn to save for that goal.
Establish a set budget--Once teens have set their goals for their
money, help them establish a budget that allows them to pay for the
things that are important to them
For example, a parent can give them a budget for back-to-school
shopping, even if the parent is the one funding the expenses. The teen
would be responsible for choosing the supplies and clothing needed, but
they would have to stay within the budget that was set for them. If the
teen manages this task well and comes in under budget, the parent could
reward the teen by letting them pocket the difference.
Encourage teens to earn their own money---All too often, the only
time parents and teens discuss money is when the teen is asking for it. If
this is a problem in your household, encourage your teenager to earn
their own way. This could be with a part time job or a seasonal side
business.
 Establish a bank account ---Checking and savings accounts are
important parts of building a financial history. Either the account can be
in the teen’s name, or it can be a joint account with a parent.
Ask your financial institution if they have special options for teens.
Many banks allow high school age students to open an account with no
minimum balance
Talk about the debt trap
Teach your teenager the value of a money--Help kids learn how to
hunt for the best deal. For example, if they want a new cell phone, show
them how to compare shop for the best mobile service plan, depending
on their habits
Before the need arises, parents should decide under what circumstances
they will dole out cash.
Tell teens where to go to learn more --- Even if a parent teaches
everything they know about good financial discipline, it’s important to
help students learn where to go for more information.Moms and dads
need to talk to their teens about finances. Money may not be a
comfortable topic, but it’s one that’s on everyone’s mind. Talk about
spending values now, this way your teen has the tools to make smart
financial decisions into adulthood.
PARENTS, KIDS AND
BULLYING BEHAVIORS –
WHAT CAN WE DO?

Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself.
-Elie Weisel
“You’re a horrible person,” was what I heard and deeply felt though I cannot recall the exact
words that delivered this final crushing blow. It had come after a series of unconsidered and
callous jabs and was interspersed with racial jokes directed at others that were, in part,
responsible for the double crease lines between my eyebrows. This clearly was not my circle of
friends though they had been the first and only ones I knew in an unfamiliar school in an
unfamiliar community. And after many tears, my Mom had me convinced that the only way to
deal with this hurtful situation was for me to screw up my courage and directly confront the girl
of many mean words. And my Mom was right. Though it may have been the hardest thing I had
done in my tender fourteen years of life, it was the most courageous and empowering. I took
control of my relationships. I called her on the phone requiring the safety of distance and
invisibility. I told her she had been cruel and she knew it. I wouldn’t take it anymore. “Just stop,”
I said. And that was it. I’m not sure I muttered another word to her the rest of my high school
years nor she me. And I was not only freed by getting rid of her presence in my life, but I felt a
new sense of agency. I could face meanness and come away standing tall.
Most, at some point in their lives, have been bullied. Someone has intentionally caused them
harm, emotionally and sometimes, physically, repeatedly over time creating a dominance of one
over another. Immunity cannot be guaranteed for anyone but there are clear, research-based steps
parents can take to prevent their own children from choosing bullying behaviors and also, from
being the recipient of bullying. If you think your child has not experienced bullying, consider
that in a study of U.S. students, grades 3-12, fewer than half said they had told a parent about
their experience.1. So look for signs. If your child has repeated tummy aches and doesn’t want to
go to school, ask if there are troubles they want to avoid. If your child seems depressed and you
are unsure why, spend time hanging out together and just listening. Your demonstration of
openness and trust may raise the subject that might otherwise remain a secret.
It helps to understand the conditions that perpetuate bullying behaviors. The evidence is clear
that most bullies have been bullied themselves (by an adult or a child) in some form. In fact, it
could be surmised that all bullies are hurting and perpetuating a cycle of hurt. There is a much
greater likelihood that a child will show bullying behaviors if
– parents are aggressive, punishing and emphasize power and dominance in the family.
– siblings are aggressive with one another and parents allow it.
– there is physical and/or emotional abuse in the family.
– parents are overly permissive and/or ignore their child.
Parents who are consistent with boundaries and limits and balance it with responsiveness to
needs and clear love and attention are significantly less likely to perpetuate bullying behaviors. 2.
As with any social and emotional skill or lack thereof, family values and models are the greatest
teachers.
Here are specific ways you can prevent your child from choosing
bullying behaviors:
Become aware of your own language. When speaking about others, do
you use language that includes labeling or demeaning words? Do you
ever label your own child? You may feel that calling him a “geek” is
innocent enough but what if the teacher called reporting your child was
calling others “geeks”? Check your own language as you speak and
realize that your child is learning from you. I ask myself, “If my child
repeated what I am saying to someone else in public, would I be upset?”
If my answer is yes, then I rethink and rephrase what I am saying or I try
to not say it at all.
Be your child’s advocate. Perhaps you are not aggressive with your
children but a relative is. Don’t allow it. Don’t allow uncles, aunts or
grandmothers to criticize your child. There are kind and firm ways you
can advocate without hurting others’ feelings. Remove your child.
Change the subject. Distract with a game or other plaything. Pull the
offending adult aside and ask them politely but firmly to stop. If you
suspect they are inappropriate with your child when you are not present,
make certain they are not left alone with him/her so that there are not
opportunities for mistreatment.
Cultivate sibling kindness. If a family culture helps determine each
child’s behavioral choices, then there needs to be certain limits between
and among siblings. Harm whether physical or emotional is not
acceptable. If harm is caused, parents can direct children in ways to
make up for their harm – fixing a broken toy or doing a kindness for a
sister with hurt feelings. Promote and practice sibling kindness by
creating chances for siblings to appreciate one another. At dinnertime
ask, “What did you notice your sister do today that was kind?” Also,
find chances to guide siblings toward cooperation (versus competition).
Siblings who are able to work together get regular practice in being
collaborative and will translate that practice into their school
relationships.
Learn strategies that prompt responsibility instead of resorting to
yelling and/or punishment. If you are reading this blog, you are on a
positive learning track as a parent! We all need support in our roles
doing the hardest, most important job on the planet. Know how you
learn best and seek ways to continue your own learning. Parents who
understand multiple strategies for responding to misbehaviors don’t need
to resort to yelling or punishment. They retain (or regain) their own
emotional control and use those moments to teach their children
responsible behaviors. Mom’s Clubs, support forums, parenting
education classes, online webinars (see Confident Parents Academy),
articles and talking with parents you admire are all ways to advance your
own abilities in this area.
Practice social and emotional skills. Whether you engage in
cooperative games with your family or hold family meetings to dialogue
 through problems, find ways to practice social and emotional skill
building at home. Instead of running to help a neighbor on your own
when Mom or Dad gets home to watch the kids, take the kids with you.
Let them experience empathy in action. Find ways they can contribute to
your home, school and community. Children who have practice in social
and emotional skills do not need to bully. They derive power from their
own skills and abilities.
Here are specific ways you can help your child if he or she is being
bullied:
Listen with compassion and leave judgements behind. If you create
sacred space and focused attention in which you listen to your child
regularly, he is much more likely to share his troubles with you. If you
learn he is being bullied, listen to the full story with compassion before
chiming in. Express empathy for your child who is hurting. Also, be
clear with your child that the other – the one who is choosing bullying
behaviors – is hurting in ways we cannot fully understand. But what they
are doing is not right and needs to stop.
Show confidence that your child can respond. Though painful,
responding to bullying attacks is an important opportunity for your
child’s growth in her social relationships if you provide support. If you
give her the tools to deal with her own relationship problems, she will
grow in her confidence and gain invaluable experience she will certainly
use later in life when confronted with other difficult behaviors.
Coach your child on how to react. Because bullying behaviors are
defined as a series of mistreatments, there tends to be a continuation and
often an escalation of attacks over time. That means that the best time to
address bullying is immediately. Coach your child on ways to respond
the next time they are attacked. If a classmate says, “You are so ugly,”
for example, practice what your child would say and how they would
say it. The best responses follow this criteria.
1. What is said is short, memorable and well-rehearsed.
2. Child communicates what is happening is wrong.
3. Child communicates that it must stop.
So the conversation would go as follows:
“You are so ugly,” says attacker.
“Gina, stop it. You know you are wrong.” says your child.
How a child says it – his body language – is as important as what he says. He will be scared.
Acknowledge that anyone would be but that doesn’t mean he can’t do it. In fact, he can. Practice
standing up straight. Looking the attacker in the eyes. Say his few words – “You are wrong.
Stop!” firmly but not yelling (yelling indicates a loss of emotional control). Then, walk away.
Like ripping off a bandaid, the interaction only need last a few minutes but can have lasting
impact on your child’s confidence.
You can also coach your child to proactively confront their attacker as my Mom did with me.
Give your child the choice. I was so upset that I needed to take control right away and not wait
for another attack. Your child may have more courage to respond if he practices and then goes to
his attacker and communicates that things are going to change. Either way, your child is
empowered with the tools to shape his/her own relationships.
DO NOT encourage your child to engage in any hurtful word exchange. And DO NOT
model it inadvertently by criticizing the attacker. A hurtful retort (referencing character, calling
names) could escalate the conflict and put your child in immediate danger. Hold back on your
own comments even if they are flying through your mind and keep your child safe.
What parents can do in partnership with schools:
Evidence-based school-wide initiatives that promote a caring school community and allow
students to practice social and emotional skills have been found to be the most effective in
preventing bullying. Specifically a meta-analysis of studies found that the most effective
bullying prevention programs in schools included parent training, improved playground
supervision, multiple disciplinary strategies (not Zero Tolerance), school conferences or
assemblies that raised awareness of the problem, classroom rules against bullying, classroom
management techniques for detecting and dealing with bullying and the work of peers to help
combat bullying. 3. Check out the CASEL Guide on Social and Emotional Learning and
Bullying Prevention for more. So what can we do as parents?
Find out what is being done in your child’s school. Ask what programs, policies and practices
are in place related to bullying prevention. Raise your own awareness and let your family know
about the school’s efforts.
Get involved. Does your school’s Parent Teacher Association have a role in bullying
prevention? Get a seat at the table and make sure that it does. In my own state of Ohio, I worked
closely with a parent who had been bullied as a child. She brought up the issue and her advocacy
and persistence resulted in the adoption of a state-wide policy through the Ohio Parent Teacher
Association on social and emotional learning and bullying prevention. Parents do have a
powerful voice if they use it. The schools who have dealt with school

shootings have, after the tragedy, adopted a focus

on creating a caring school environment and involving parents in that process. Don’t wait until
your child’s safety is at risk. EVERY school needs to have plans and practices in place to
promote connectedness between all members of the school community.
Promote Upstanders. Upstanders are kids who witness bullying behaviors and stand up for the
kids who are being picked on. Some schools promote this as a part of their caring culture.
Classroom discussions include conversations about how you can stand up for others. There are
ways parents can promote inclusion at home and certainly not accept exclusion. In addition,
check out Edutopia’s article on creating a culture of up-standers in schools.
Remember the classic 1980’s film, “Back to the Future” when Calvin’s Dad confronted his bully,
Biff and it forever changed the power dynamic in their relationship? And recall my story? I
didn’t have to deal with the girl of many mean words again. When kids respond clearly and
firmly, it has the power to completely shift the relationship. The message is “I’m not going to be
picked on anymore.” And because the bullying behavior is a tentative ploy for dominance from a
hurting child, he/she is likely to back off. The power has shifted and their ability to maintain
control is on unsteady ground.
Though the aim of bullying behaviors is to force us into feelings of helplessness, we are not
helpless. Everyone in a community can take responsibility and serve a role. By doing your part,
we can eliminate the threat of abuse and focus on learning together.

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