THE DUNGEON DOZEN

VOLUME ONE

By Jason Sholtis

Graphic Design and Layout

Chris Brandt

Index compiled by Chris Brandt

Quick Reference compiled by Jeff Russell and Paul Wolfe

Artists
Jason Sholtis
Chris Brandt
John Larrey
Stefan Poag

Special thanks to:

Christine Sholtis, John Larrey, Craig Behan, Chris Brandt,
Paul Wolfe, Matthew Finch, James Maliszewski, Zak S.,
Jeff Russell, Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson

Dedicated to my much better half, Christine.

This book is comprised of entries from The Dungeon Dozen blog (roll1d12.blogspot.com).
Look for additional tables there. A very helpful online index to these and all subsequent
tables can be found at: blessingsofthedicegods.blogspot.com/2014/01/
dungeon-dozen-fan-index.html

Copyright ©2014 Jason Sholtis

All rights reserved.

i
 TABLE OF CONTENTS

Additional Nuisances in the Frozen Wastes .....................................................1

Apocalyptic Visions in the Crystal Ball ........................................................... 2
Almost Indestructible: Villain Death Requirements .........................................3
Also in Residence at the Inn .............................................................................4
Antediluvian Relics ...........................................................................................5
At the Bottom of the Pit ....................................................................................6
Atypical Items Found in Desk ..........................................................................6
Automatic Weird Dragons ................................................................................ 7
Available Means of Interplanetary Travel .........................................................8
Before First Level: Clerics ................................................................................9
Before First Level: Dwarfs .............................................................................10
Before First Level: Elves ................................................................................11
Before First Level: Fighters ............................................................................12
Before First Level: Magic-Users ....................................................................13
Before First Level: Thieves .............................................................................14
Benevolent Parasites of the Underworld .........................................................15
Beyond the Cosmic Portal ..............................................................................15
Those Blood-Curdling Screams off in the Distance are Actually… ...............16
Building Projects of the Stone Giants .............................................................16
Campaign Paradigm Shifters ..........................................................................17
Campaign Pitch-Elevating Amalgamator .......................................................18
Campaign World-Threatening Emergencies ...................................................20
Cheap Dungeon Gross-Outs ...........................................................................21
Contents of the Giant’s Lunchbox ..................................................................22
Corpses in the Dungeon ..................................................................................22
Corpses in the Wilderness ...............................................................................23
Cult Imperatives of the City Folk ...................................................................23
Current Favorite Items in the Dragon’s Hoard ...............................................24
Demons and Devils, Other ..............................................................................25
Details for the Otherwise Empty Dungeon Room ..........................................26
Disastrous/Abandoned Projects of the Gods ...................................................27
Distinguishing Characteristics of the Demigod ..............................................28
Domestics on Duty at the Sorcerer’s Tower ...................................................28
Down the World Dragon’s Gullet ...................................................................29
DM’s Emergency Dodecahedron Outcomes Oracle .......................................30
The Dragon’s Formerly Secret Weakness ...................................................... 31
The Dragon’s Gourmet Night: Menu ..............................................................32
The Dragon’s Gourmet Night: Guests ............................................................33
The Dragon’s Other Prisoners .........................................................................33
The Dragon’s State of Mind ............................................................................34
Dungeon Aesthetic ..........................................................................................35
Dungeon Audio ...............................................................................................35
Dungeon Conspiracy Theories ........................................................................36
Dungeon Delusions .........................................................................................37

ii
Dungeon Friendlies .........................................................................................38
This Dungeon has Weird Floors ......................................................................39
Dungeon Infestations ......................................................................................39
Dungeon Level One: Highlights .....................................................................40
Dungeon Level Two: The Cool Parts ..............................................................41
Dungeon Level Three: Memorable Features ..................................................42
Dungeon Level Four: The Vital Bits ...............................................................44
Dungeon Kickstarters ......................................................................................45
Dungeon Love Connections ............................................................................46
Dungeon Plagues ............................................................................................48
Dungeon Relocations ......................................................................................49
Dungeon Statuary ............................................................................................50
Dwellers in the Lightless Pits .........................................................................51
Enchanted Conveniences of the Rich and Sorcerous ......................................53
Enchanted Missile Weapons of Renown .........................................................54
Enemies of the City-State Currently at Large ................................................ 55
Even the Doors are Weird ...............................................................................56
Events in the All-Humanoid Olympiad ...........................................................57
Experimental Trope Collider ...........................................................................58
Famous Swords and Current Whereabouts .....................................................59
Features of the Eccentric Plutocrat’s Mansion ................................................60
Features of the Pleistocene Island ...................................................................61
Fighting Men: Why We Fight .........................................................................61
Fleeing the Dungeon .......................................................................................62
Fluids in the Dungeon Well ............................................................................63
Found Dead in a Ditch ....................................................................................63
Found Mixed Among the Desirable Scrolls & Tomes ....................................64
Found Strapped to the Paladin’s War Horse ...................................................65
The Gastric Obstruction that Killed the Colossal Worm ................................67
Gentle and Kindly Abominations ....................................................................68
Giant Worms of the Underworld .................................................................... 69
Gigantic Monsters ...........................................................................................70
Gonzo Bio-weaponry ......................................................................................70
Gonzo Class/Race Generator I ........................................................................71
Gonzo Class/Race Options II ..........................................................................72
Gonzo Class/Race, Additional ........................................................................73
Gonzo Footwear ..............................................................................................74
Hard Times for the City Folk ..........................................................................75
Haunting the Skies ..........................................................................................76
Hell’s Lesser Inhabitants .................................................................................76
How the Gang got Together ............................................................................77
Human Frailties ...............................................................................................77
The Humanoids Seem a bit Weird Today ........................................................78
I Tell You I Saw it near the Steam Vents! .......................................................79
Ill-advised Magical Researches ......................................................................80
Ill-tidings from the Cleric’s Patron Deity .......................................................80
In the Blasted Lands of the Fallen Moon ....................................................... 81

iii
In the Philosopher’s Spell Book ......................................................................82
In the Sorcerer’s Overnight Bag .....................................................................82
In the Witch’s Workshop .................................................................................83
Inside the Giant’s Curio Cabinet .....................................................................84
The Intelligent Dragon’s Current Obsession ...................................................85
The Isolated Village Has a Dark Secret ..........................................................86
It Luxuriates in the Great Caldera ...................................................................87
It’s On the Ceiling! ..........................................................................................87
Items Hidden in the Evil Priest’s Vestments ...................................................88
Items of Moderate Interest in the Ogre-King’s Hoard .................................... 89
Just Getting In the Dungeon is Brutal .............................................................90
Knights Best Avoided ..................................................................................... 91
Last Known Appearance of the Rogue Sorcerer .............................................93
Less Popular Magic Items ...............................................................................94
Lesser Known Pocket Universes ....................................................................95
The Lich’s Current Love Interest ....................................................................96
The Lich’s Downtime Activities .....................................................................96
The Lich’s Guest List ......................................................................................97
The Lich’s Secret Identity ...............................................................................97
Magic Sword Awesomizer ..............................................................................99
Manifestations of the Sorcerer’s Derangement .............................................100
Messages Intercepted from the Underworld Courier Service .......................101
This Monster’s Got a Charming Side ...........................................................102
Mountaintop Wonders and Perils ..................................................................103
Nature Goes Haywire ....................................................................................105
Newly-Bred Henchmonsters and Utility Beasts ...........................................106
Non-combatants of the Underworld ..............................................................107
Now Occupying the Recently Depopulated Dungeon Area .........................108
Obstacles and Hazards Indicated on the Treasure Map ................................109
Occupants of the Colossal UFO Anchored to the Mountaintop ...................110
Oddities of the Swamp .................................................................................. 111
On or Around the Mighty Warrior’s Carcass ................................................ 111
On the Devil Prince’s Escape-proof Isle .......................................................112
The Oracle has Bad News .............................................................................113
Other Travellers in the Wilderness Caravan .................................................114
Outrageous Attire of the City Folk ................................................................115
Over-the-counter Dungeon Unguents ...........................................................116
Pain In The Ass Treasures .............................................................................117
Partially Obscured Entries in the Stolen Spell Book ....................................118
Peculiar Laws and Customs of the City Folk ................................................118
Phantasmal Irritants ......................................................................................119
Pithy Dying Utterances: The Fighter ............................................................120
Planets in the Vicinity of the Campaign World ............................................121
Pricey Merchandise at the Wilderness Outfitters ..........................................122
Psychoactive Gems .......................................................................................122
Puzzling Evidence in the Corridor ................................................................123
Puzzling Documents Found Amongst Personal Effects ................................123

iv
Quick Cultural Quirks: The Barbarian ..........................................................125
Quick Cultural Quirks: Deep Forest People .................................................126
Quick Cultural Quirks: Sophisticated Urbanites of Swords & Sorcery ........127
Raise Dead: Weird Side Effects ....................................................................129
Random Ooze ................................................................................................130
Re-animation Projects of the Chaotic Necromancer .....................................130
Recent Edicts From the Usurper King ..........................................................131
Reports Following Return From Negative Hit Points ...................................131
Results of Successfully Listening at Door of Empty Room .........................132
Rustic Folkways of the Subsistence Farmers ................................................132
Secret Societies in the Big City ....................................................................133
Secreted on the Master Thief’s Person .........................................................133
Security Measures at the Sorcerer’s Tower ...................................................135
Sentient Liquids, Gases, and Vapors .............................................................136
Semi-Unknown Were-Things .......................................................................138
Something has Upset the Ancient Dragon ....................................................140
The Sorcerer’s Latest Research Breakthrough ..............................................141
So You Made Your Save Versus Poison… ....................................................142
Special Contents of the Smuggler’s Hold .....................................................142
Stalking the City by Night ............................................................................143
Strange and Terrible Curses ..........................................................................144
Strange Doings in the Forest .........................................................................144
Strangeness on the Savannah ........................................................................145
Stuff in a Chest ..............................................................................................145
Super-Quick Gonzo Pulp Monster Generator ...............................................146
Surprisingly Helpful Hirelings ......................................................................147
Symbiosis in the Dungeon ............................................................................147
Symptoms of Post-Traumatic Delving Disorder ...........................................148
Talents on Loan from the Gods: Divine Spells .............................................149
Target of the Sorcerer’s Contracted Assassin(s) ...........................................150
Things Washed up on a Subterranean Beach ................................................150
Tiny Dungeon Menaces ................................................................................151
Uncanny Effects of Blunt Force Trauma to the Head ...................................153
Under the Paleogean Serpentine Mound ....................................................... 154
Underworld Accommodations ......................................................................155
Underworld Afflictions .................................................................................155
Underworld Cash Crops ................................................................................156
Underworld Currency ...................................................................................156
Underworld Entertainments .......................................................................... 157
Underworld Festivals and Holy Days ...........................................................158
Underworld Hunting and Foraging Success .................................................158
Underworld Intoxicants (Commonly Abused) ..............................................159
The Underworld’s Long-term Effects of Exposure .......................................160
Underworld River Vessels ............................................................................ 161
Underworld Sporting Events .........................................................................162
Underworld Transport and Hauling ..............................................................162
The Underworld’s Weird Locales .................................................................163

v
Underworld Wonders ....................................................................................163
Unexpected Dungeon Boons .........................................................................164
The Unexpected Dungeon Guest Star ...........................................................165
Unexpected Intrusions into the Standard Orc Lair .......................................166
Unexpected Sarcophagus Contents ...............................................................167
Unfathomable Deities ...................................................................................168
Unforeseen Financial Setbacks in the Big City ............................................169
Unknown Spells ............................................................................................169
Unpleasant Potion Side-Effects ....................................................................170
Unusual Dungeon Pets ..................................................................................170
Useless Hirelings ..........................................................................................171
Utterances of the Malfunctioning Magic Mouth ...........................................172
Vengeful Shades ............................................................................................173
Wandering Dungeon Mysteries .....................................................................175
Wandering the Dungeon Self-Righteously ...................................................176
Wandering Treasure ......................................................................................176
Wandering Underworld Deities ....................................................................177
War-Sorcery: Eldritch Bombs .......................................................................178
Wasteland Attractions ...................................................................................179
Weird Bats of the Underworld ......................................................................179
Weird Dragon Breath ....................................................................................180
Weird Farmers ...............................................................................................180
Weird Menace in the Watery Deeps ................................................................181
Weird Perils in the Forest ..............................................................................181
Weird Pools .................................................................................................. 182
What the Wizard Actually has Up His Sleeve ..............................................183
What’s on the Guard Monster’s Mind? ......................................................... 183
Whence the Demigod? ..................................................................................184
What’s Up with the Guy Behaving Mysteriously in the Taverns? ................184
Why so Dour, Dwarf? ...................................................................................165
Why the Ancient Empire Fell .......................................................................185
Why is there an Underworld? .......................................................................186
Why they Build that Giant Wall ....................................................................187
Wilderness Bivouac: Report from First Watch .............................................186
Wildernoise ...................................................................................................189
The Witch Doctor’s Utility Belt ....................................................................190
Xenophobia in the Underworld .....................................................................191
Yeah, But THIS Troll… ................................................................................193
Yeah, But THIS Vampire… ..........................................................................194
Zealots in the Streets .....................................................................................195
---
Quick Reference..............................................................................................197
Character ...................................................................................................197
Dressing ....................................................................................................197
Encounters.................................................................................................198
Items..........................................................................................................201
Index ...............................................................................................................203

vi
viii
 A

d12 Additional Nuisances in the Frozen Wastes

Militaristic society of ice fairies hatching scheme to purify region by magically
1 depopulating it
Ancient army of a forgotten culture frozen in its tracks while on the march
2 (trajectory points to ruined city)
Hunting grounds of the wooly tyrannosaur (prey: the ferocious land walrus who
3 in turn feed upon ice lemmings)
4 Elevated outpost of the imperial war-tobogganeers

5 Frost giants rounding up mammoth calves to train

6 Crevasse entrance to the Forbidden Pleasure Dome of the Snow Gods

Towering snow colony of the giant white magpies (collectors of bright and shiny
7 objects)
Lost City of the Glacierites: blue-skinned denizens devolved remnant of an
8 advanced pre-human civilization
Recently escaped fire giants flee pursuing Glacierites captors while slowly
9 perishing of exposure
10 Ice labyrinth of the deranged cryomancer

11 Volcanic steam garden: populated by savage wooly neanderthals

12 Ghost pack of the Wolf King who once ruled these lands

1
 d12 Apocalyptic Visions in the Crystal Ball
A Nightmare scene of fantasy world completely overrun by proliferation of slimes,
1 oozes and jellies
Images of sudden-onset ice age, flash-frozen men and beasts, ships embedded in
2 solid waves, ice-spirits howling w/bitter laughter
Idyllic pastoral scene shattered by revelation that herdsmen = vampires, flocks =
3 debased human population
4 Video broadcast from Mars rover w/incomprehensible voice-over
Scene of moon teeming with terror monsters hurling selves earthward via cosmic
5 trebuchets
6 Mind-bending loop of footage from Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will
Behind-the-scenes at the trans-pantheon parliament of the gods: earthly life
7 pitilessly divided up and squandered like chattel by beings previously thought
to be benevolent
Worlds upon worlds swim by, each stranger than the last, a galactic empire that
8 pits far-flung humankind against itself while utterly alien overlords grow ever
richer and more powerful
9 Promotional clips of reality TV show shot during biblical end times
Humanity enslaved by race of giants w/proto-Egyptian cultural features, set to
10 perpetual pyramid-building
Towering gods stride the earth locked in battle, sweeping away entire human
11 armies with single gestures, shattering mountains with errant blows, boiling
oceans away with misfired rays of destruction
Sorcerer’s mad researches set off arcane chain reaction resulting in world
12 sundered in two, separated by coruscating ethereal gulf

2
 A

d12 Almost Indestructible: Villain Death Requirements

1 Must be immersed in sanctified wine for not less than 10 minutes
Head must be laterally bisected, each half encased in molten lead and shipped off
2 to far corners of the world
Disembodied animus may escape to further vex humanity unless its mouth is
3 sewn shut before death
4 Can only perish on a full moon, and then only by a moon-copper blade

5 Vulnerable to physical attack only when consumed by lust for a mortal

6 Must be struck with simultaneous blows from a virgin, a priest, a halfling and a thief

7 Can only be killed yesterday

8 Will only die by its own hand

9 Only vulnerable to weapons crafted of angel bones

10 Must willingly drink hemlock

11 Must be staked though each of its three hearts

12 Can only be scared to death

3
 d12 Also in Residence at the Inn
A Imperial courier w/message for gone-missing noble, now afraid to report back to
1 dark masters
Petty noble and retainers taking a few days off from lengthy sojourn, reserved
2 entire wing of the establishment, planning extensive revelry
Impressively outfitted knight and single squire patiently await sign from the gods
3 before making next move
Foreign sage and indentured crew of grad students embarking upon expedition to
4 excavate site of lost temple
Sculptor flush with cash from major commision seeking rare minerals to
5 complete pièce de résistance
Cult priest travelling w/squad of deadly acolytes, mummified heart and brain of
6 ancient prophet
Ancient wizard, having mainlined the last of his potions of longevity to no effect,
7 lies in deathbed slowly snuffing it
8 Temporarily rich thief living large while laying low, sloppy w/drunken braggadocio
Silverware salesman who the proprietor suspects may secretly be an imperial inn
9 inspector
Permanent resident: venerable retired explorer and cartographer, happy to discuss
10 and show off (but never ever sell) the fruits of his labors
11 Gentleman awaits arrival of distant rival to settle long-delayed matter of honor

12 Idle aristocrats slumming it: participants in an evening of fancy-dress games

4
 A

d12 Antediluvian Relics

1 Golden bat ears: self-adhere to sides of head for sensory enhancement

2 Spool of smart wire: slithers off to fulfill verbal work orders

3 Headband of enslavement: available in many fashionable styles and colors

Dagger of slicing: cuts stone, steel, tin cans and tomatoes without ever losing its
4 edge, ignores armor
Omniscient sphere: palm sized orb w/ ranging sensor array, answers yes/no
5 questions, 75% accuracy for duration of charge
6 Depilatory ray gun: no save!
Ornately pronged helmet with huge crystalline third eye: enables two-way
7 telepathy, long distance mental intrusions, command sub-intellectual
creatures like most arthropods, insects, reptiles
Stun hammer: deafens and/or stuns those w/unprotected ears in 40’ radius when
8 struck
Automatic chow dispenser unit: self-sustaining bacterial colony continuously
9 produces fully nutritive human food nuggets for one (1 in 6 chance of
anaphylactic shock on first usage)
Industrial prosthetic harness: needles penetrate wearer’s spine, twin mechanical
10 arms respond to mental commands after short learning curve (1 in 6 chance
of going berserk and attacking user)
Psychiatric gun: launches med-grenades that involuntarily pacify, stabilize,
11 trigger tear-soaked breakthroughs, may induce psychosis in some subjects
Disintegrator/reintegrator cannon: huge wheeled device stores dematerialized
12 creatures and objects for later deployment (or permanent deletion)

5
 d12 At the Bottom of the Pit
A Insect-size Oracle of the Pit answers queries on any subject, demands payment in
1 fresh nectar
2 Elaborate headdress w/magic feather of levitation among detritus

3 Swamp of slow digestive enzymes seeping from walls

Heap of crumbling bones provides chance of falling damage reduction, airborne
4 cloud of decomposing flesh provides chance of lethal infection upon impact
5 Useless but friendly ghost of previous pit victim

6 Fist-size tunnel to bustling City State of the Rats

7 Hibernating saber tooth badger clogs tunnel to surface

Living victim of trap: wizard with broken legs, half-nuts, currently eating pages
8 from spell book
9 Mystical gate to random campaign world

10 Soul-eating astral predator bides time while humming pleasant little tune

11 Victim-eating ant colony commanded by quite chatty psychic queen

Extensive adventuring notes carved into wall, final act of mortally wounded
12 rogue

d12 Atypical Items Found in Desk

1 Drawers filled with the bones of small animals

2 A golden false eye

3 A silver hand-sized harp

4 Poison ink in clearly marked bottle

5 Ladies undergarments (giantess size)

6 Receipts from demon for services rendered

7 A seven-fingered glove

8 Very active stinging ant colony

9 Metal box filled with unidentified white powder

10 Paper with designs for unknown flag or device

11 Tiny handcuffs and leg irons (one gross)

12 Dessicated hand wearing cursed ring

6
 Automatic Weird Dragons A
Assumptions: all dragons have bat-like wings (often vestigial/merely
decorative), scintillant scales, elongated necks and tails

d12 Table One: Head

1 Smilodon

2 Swan

3 Caiman

4 Eagle

5 Snail

6 T-rex

7 Hippopotamus

8 Lemur

9 Toad

10 Pit bull

11 Housefly

12 Human

d12 Table Two: Body plan

1 Serpent

2 Centipede

3 Rooster

4 Mantis

5 Quadrupedal anthropoid

6 Hyena

7 Polar bear

8 Peacock

9 Apatosaurus

10 Pangolin

11 Gecko

12 Land whale

7
 d12 Available Means of Interplanetary Travel
A 1 Woven into the fur of the colossal Aether Bat

2 Temporary encystment in the mass of a migratory space ooze

Comet comes by highest mountain peak once daily, grappling hooks
3 recommended
4 Surmount 7 miles of scaffolding, embark in solar dirigible
Series of timed teleports combined with globes of invulnerability: 50% chance of
5 catastrophic error
Ride the lightning beam from atop the sorcerer’s observatory: horseshoes forged
6 of solid mercury required
7 Launched within padded projectile from trans-cosmic trebuchet

8 Demon-wing transplant: increases caloric requirements one hundred fold

9 Whisked off via yeti ascetics’ polyhedron power

Disintegrated, broadcast upon arcane wave, reintegrated at destination via
10 exceedingly costly sorcery
11 Carried by willing vampires

12 Fall upon the legendary blazing Sword of the Star Sojourner

8
 B

d12 Before First Level: Clerics

Indulged in habitual heresy and blasphemy until sudden divine visitation inspired
1 terrified vows of fealty
Sold to local temple by destitute parents, granted entrance to order following
2 lengthy period of servitude
Orphaned at tender age, sought shelter among esoteric brotherhood, fell under
3 sway
Found (this particular) god at the bottom of continuously drained and replenished
4 mug of grog
Harrowing psychedelic incident after consumption of moldy bread leads to
5 cosmic revelation and subsequent total dedication to grooviest deity in
pantheon

6 Healed by kindly cleric after near-fatal childhood injury

7 Took up with the holy ones to spite rationalist humanist parents

Sudden apoplexy while consulting temple scrolls, awoke to awed veneration
8 of clergy: used by divinity to issue several important new revelations while
comatose
Flirted with several deities and indulged in secular philosophy until sudden
9 realization made lifelong service to Thor seem irrefutably imperative

10 You see, there was this vestal virgin...

Fate sealed at age 6 by ritual gift exchange on the high holy day: received toy
11 mace and holy symbol, spent rest of holiday attempting to turn siblings and
that was that
Above average wisdom score: in a world where the capricious influence of the
12 gods is beyond debate or reasonable doubt, joining them is pure pragmatism

9
 d12 Before First Level: Dwarves
B Served mandatory 20 yrs. repairing/refining subterranean vaults w/dwarvish
1 conservation corps
Dropped out of jewelry-making school in white-hot rage after public rebuke of
2 works

3 Has finally gathered enough gems to buy family heirloom war axe from father
Fascinated by study of humans and their folkways, considers them amusing
4 weirdos, cannot wait to join forces
Threw off yoke of cultural dourness while exhausting entertainment value of
5 wine and song, wasted too much time to get rich by the standard means
Painstakingly hand crafted own tomb in the Hall of Fathers, performed ritual
6 auto-funeral, ready for adventure
Spent youth in traditional crafting of personal tool kit (including arms and armor)
7 for lifetime use in all endeavors, now fully fledged adult and ready for action
Driven by adolescent gold-lust, committed the unforgivable offense of hoard-
8 theft to outfit self for adventure: caught, beaten, shaved of beard, permanently
exiled
Retired from several careers, now looking for thrills, resume includes: militia,
9 stone cutting, masonry, metal fabrication, food and hospitality service
First dwarf to attempt to popularize notion of collective bargaining for workers,
10 barely escaped series of assassination attempts, has had it w/his kind
Impoverished petty noble w/dwarvish enemies galore, 17th in line for throne,
11 didn’t like chances in high society
Content to grow beard and hammer rocks until afflicted w/permanent viral
12 infection, manifests as low grade fever and severe wanderlust

10
 B

d12 Before First Level: Elves

Prolonged dreamy-eyed adolescence thinking cosmic thoughts, laughing and
1 singing in the enchanted forest, then came boredom followed by ennui
Spent a century or so afflicted by a hereditary curse, now temporarily held at bay
2 by dark sorcery
Bitter struggle for survival in harried enclave in contested territory: gaunt,
3 humorless, talks like Christian Bale as Batman
Morally outraged by elfin politics-as-usual, abandoned elf-life for self-imposed
4 exile among the lesser folk
Literary study in the library citadel grew wearisome after a couple of hundred
5 years
As close to suicide as an elf gets before epiphany: discovered inner avarice,
6 suppressed blood lust
Left homeland in disgust after failing to gain admittance to exclusive social
7 order, self-esteem buoyed by hanging out with human riff-raff

8 Adventuring career just the latest in series of light-hearted larks

Emotionally unstable (for an elf), more at ease among the easily rattled humans
9 and halflings
Protracted secret indoctrination, now embarked upon clandestine mission for elf
10 supremecists

11 Accrued massive gambling debts during extended period of heavy partying

Shamed and humiliated by ruinous love triangle, seething with pent-up rage,
12 spoiling for displaced vengeance and thirsting for riches and a new life

11
 d12 Before First Level: Fighters
B Local militia offered little but the occasional drill, scampered off w/gear to go
1 freelance
Born into war clan, scattered following rout against occupying forces, now
2 incognito

3 Farmer turned to banditry at height of famine, found calling

Freed from domestic slavery in noble house after heroic acts in defense of city-
4 state
Slipped mickey by army recruiters, survived campaign to wipe out otherwise
5 irrepressible tribe for local lord
From tender age always erecting practice dummies and fashioning weapons from
6 found materials
One of those jerks forever getting into fights for no reason, decided to make
7 career of it
Stint as galley slave really built up the old arms, not to mention the total
8 disregard for the sanctity of life
Brutality of early life in wilderness settlement mandated expertise in the hacking
9 and slashing
Prodigy: slayin’ came easy and early as bereaved parents of childhood
10 acquaintances can attest
Deserted from imperial army after seeing too much: will never again fight for a
11 cause, only money
Thrown out of family trade, barred from arcane academy, cast out of seminary,
apprenticeship w/thieves’ guild revoked, lute lessons went nowhere,
12 disqualified from athletic training, humiliated after failed bid for local
election, sacked from local guard, bought a sword

12
 B

d12 Before First Level: Magic Users

Thrown out of several reputable academies, killed last headmaster to cross path
1 and made off with spellbook
Woke up to find self fully vested member of arcane secret society after lengthy
2 black lotus bender
Snuck into sorcerer’s tower, captured and imprisoned in library until mastered
3 first spell: took ten years
Well-connected parents employed graft and bribery to gain admission into
4 exclusive training facility
Tormented in dreams from childhood by terrible outer being who trades
5 nocturnal peace for pursuit of the mystic arts
Unquenchable lust for power from early age, long list of enemies to one day blast
6 to smithereens
Turned wholeheartedly to sorcery after late-childhood revelation of secret
7 lineage: witch-doctors, magi, necromancers, psychics, diabolists and even a
vampire thrown in for good measure
Kidnapped and trained by hermit-mage after handily winning math competition
8 at village fete
After witnessing injustices of the world, hates the gods and will devote
9 researches to finding the magic bullet needed to dispense with them once and
for all
Strong innate sense of the fullness of reality combined with major social
10 inhibitions, threw self into studies and never came out
Vision following blow to head partially revealed cosmic mysteries, triggered
11 lifelong pursuit of knowledge
Sole survivor of barbarian village destroyed by snake cult but far too
12 congenitally feeble to even entertain revenge by the sword

13
 d12 Before First Level: Thieves
B Enthralled by the seedy underbelly of human life, enjoys vice of every kind,
1 considers honest folk suckers

2 Kleptomaniac rich kid w/defiant streak a mile wide

3 Fell in with the wrong crowd, must steal to support habit

It started with stealing pies as child, rapidly became addicted to thrill, has since
4 branched out
Trained by expert thief father: frequently chained to various objects and
5 commanded to escape, sent to market w/long list and no cash, abandoned at
bottom of sheer cliffs, etc.
Magpie-like affinity for shiny objects, obsession managed (poorly) by heavy
6 drinking

7 Schooled in the evils of private property at heavily tattooed grandmother’s knee

8 Found native culture stultifying and oppressive, turned to life of crime for kicks

9 Figured it was the only way a poor kid could retire before age thirty

10 Sincerely enjoys being sneaky

11 Comes from a long line of straight-up sociopaths

Mistakenly stolen by thieves as baby, reared by trio of doting yet dastardly
12 “uncles”

14
d12 Benevolent Parasites of the Underworld
B
1 Cerebral worm: increases intellect, enhances cowardice
Detox Tick: palm-sized chigger secretes ichor that nullifies pathogens and
2 poisons
3 Digester ooze: enters stomach, enables host to extract nutrients from most matter
Spine dweller: eel-like amphibian incises back, nestles along vertebrae, electrical
4 discharge enhances host’s agility
Blood swarm: tiny flying arthropods feed upon all gory remnants of melee,
5 cleaning arms and armor
6 Interpreter mite: introduced into ear canal, instantly translates most languages
Giant heart fluke: burrows into chest, settles around the heart, produces surges of
7 adrenalin to protect host
8 Pit fleas: saliva blocks pain receptors
Love Fungus: grows internally, releases pheromones to attract mates for host,
9 increases personal charm
Alien virus: alters host’s DNA to produce functional wings, increases caloric
10 requirements ten fold
11 Lung spores: allows respiration in hostile atmospheres/underwater

12 Rockhide: bacterial infection causes skin to harden into armor plates

d12 Beyond the Cosmic Portal

1 Translucent bubble adrift on the tides of space

2 Surface of a strange planet bathed in caustic super-heated gasses

The Moon Library (librarians: inverted rugose cones on shocks of hair-like
3 tendrils w/ reading monocles for single eye spot)
4 A small rocky island in the Acid Sea kingdom of the Siliconians

5 Mind-bending trans-planar vortex

6 Wind swept plateau with dome: private spell component greenhouse

7 Box seats for the pre-creation God War

8 Cushy habitarium in the menagerie of the Colossal Spacemen

9 The demi-plane of Pure Effect

10 The offices of Hell’s quartermaster general

11 Storage closet in Sorcerer’s Guild subterranean laboratory complex

12 Pleistocene Island

15
 d12 Those Blood-curdling Screams
B off in the Distance are Actually...
1 Shriek-bats in a feeding frenzy

2 Courtship hollers of feral halflings

3 Freshly-hatched cockatrice chicks exercising their lungs

4 Rehearsal for sub-humanoid choir at ramshackle temple to their obscene deity

5 Mimic-apes having a laugh

6 Bored and drunk vampires amusing themselves

7 The sounds of an arcane gateway opening up to a hellish nightmare realm

Echoes of metal-on-metal from a giant filing the blade on mammoth axe to a
8 slightly-less-dull edge
9 Agonized yelps of new recruits being “branded in” to bandit organization

10 Ogres enjoying a game of Thumbscrew Challenge

11 Capricious wind-spirit that moves continuously further off trail

Genuine final vocalizations of doomed monster-attack victims: sure, you could
12 run off to save them but you’d be far, far too late

d12 Building Projects of the Stone Giants

1 The Great Henge Wall

2 Colossal anti-adventurer deadfalls

3 Titanic bowling alley

4 Network of impressive stone watchtowers

Giant’s mountain concourse w/connecting bridges and staircases cut from living
5 rock
6 Great mountain top reservoir w/aqueduct network

7 Automatic avalanche traps

8 Blocking off strategic mountain pass w/world’s biggest heap of boulders

9 Huge stone effigy of stone god astride two peaks

10 Dragon-smasher, the ultimate trebuchet

11 Skyscraper-size mausoleum

12 “That’s no mountain, it’s a fortress!”

16
 C

d12 Campaign Paradigm Shifters

1 Solar eclipse lasts until moon god’s lust for blood is satiated
Long prophesied messiah of the underclass manifests, sets plans in motion for
2 world-wide peasant revolt
Hyper-evolved being arrives from future to teach humanity the arts of space
3 travel
Imperial sorcerers announce breakthrough that promises to revolutionize
4 transportation by harnessing the Tenser wave
Dinosaurs make another play at a comeback, this time aided by unknown race of
5 nautiloids
Thor (or equivalent) smashes incoming asteroid in upper atmosphere: fragments
6 rain down willy-nilly, cities must make saving throws
Demon prince reveals self and peers as interdimensional psychephagi ready to
7 begin occupying surface territories and reducing humankind to the herd-
beasts they were always meant to be
Ill-advised geomantic activities trigger sudden shift in tectonic plates,
8 rearranging map: new mountain ranges crop up, great sundering rifts between
formerly contiguous lands, coastal cities devastated by flood, etc.
Recent batches of human newborns show disturbing and rather abrupt new trends
9 in evolutionary development: distended frontal lobes and protruding pineal
glands among the most noticeable
Moldy grain sets off great monotheistic awakening, huge percentage of the
10 population tripping out to the same hallucinations, heading speedily towards
officially “Holy” evil empire

11 Nearest volcano erupts constant streams of fire monsters

Hurricane blows in, halts over capital city, razes it to ground and remains as
12 permanent storm zone

17
C Campaign Pitch-Elevating Amalgamator
Roll once on each table and forcefully mash results together to establish campaign vibe

d12 Table A: Appendix N

Robert E. Howard’s Kull stories: serpent men intrigue, campaign-ending
1 catastrophe imminent
Tolkien’s LOTR: sprawling epic, dark lord, orcs everywhere, spontaneous
2 recitations of poetry/musical numbers

3 Poul Anderson’s The High Crusade: knights & UFOs

Abraham Merritt’s The Ship of Ishtar: active deities, genders at odds,
4 swashbucklery
Leigh Brackett’s The Sword of Rhiannon: Mars, science & sorcery, demi-god
5 possession, exit future for adventure in the past
E.R. Burroughs’ Pellucidar series: recently discovered underworld filled w/
6 cavemen and their dino-rulers
H. P. Lovecraft’s The Shadow Out of Time: Mind-projecting aliens, flying
7 polyps, time-hopping
Jack Vance’s Planet of Adventure series: powerful aliens in charge, humans
8 reduced to pathetic state, must find or create means to get off planet ASAP
Michael Moorcock’s Elric saga: doomy as hell, chaos horror, pain in the ass
9 gods, bitter ends for one and all
Lord Dunsany’s Time and the Gods: King James-style language, pervasive
10 mythological underpinnings

11 Fritz Leiber’s Newhon series: sorcerous masters, Lords of Quarmal, lusty

L. Sprague de Camp & Fletcher Pratt’s Harold Shea series: magic is
12 mathematics, dweebs from 20th century earth kick ass in realms of fantasy

d12 Table B: Pop Culture X Factor

William Burroughs Naked Lunch: Interzone, disturbing creatures spewing
1 hallucinogenic ichor

2 Christopher Hitchens: anti-crusade vs. theocracy, plenty of super-heated rhetoric

3 The Smurfs: towering evil sorcerers & their terrifying familiars, mushroom town HQ
Phillip K. Dick: does the dungeon exist outside of your minds? = sanity house
4 rules required

5 Dr. Seuss: cutesy-pie nomenclature, capricious entities w/powers beyond mortal ken
Friedrich Nietzsche: gods are dead, class/level system ideal for tracking progress
6 towards super-man status
John Carpenter’s They Live: must wrassle henchmen/hirelings into submission,
7 aliens among us

18
d12 Table B: Pop Culture X Factor
Herman Melville’s Moby Dick: giant white monster object of obsession, but ‘tis
C
8 the thing behind the mask PCs chiefly hate

9 Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: original gonzo

Tim Burton’s oeuvre: simultaneously creepy and goofy, Johnny Depp portrays
10 most NPCs
King Kong (1933): Giant apes lord it over the dinosaurs/terrified human
11 population, huge walls everywhere
DC Comics’ The Legion of Super-Heroes: everybody gets at least one super-
12 power, but it might be absurd

19
C

d12 Campaign World-Threatening Emergencies

1 Inexorable approach of titanic blind idiot space god

2 Sorcery gone haywire releases rapidly spreading cloud of madness

3 Rotation of the planet magically halted by misguided vampires desirous of a dark side
Secret star chamber of the gods convenes, judges reality in need of a reboot to be
4 carrie out in stages, starting with extensive pruning
Fire god wins war against earthly enemies in far off region, celebrates with a 21
5 volcano salute
Turns out arcane spells are somehow fueled by solar fusion, the next magic
6 missile could trigger super-nova
Following stupendous seismic tumult, great rift canyon opens up, allowing
7 advent onto the surface of formerly imprisoned subterranean terrors of
unsurpassed destructive power
Previously unknown race of intelligent cephalopods has been biding time,
8 building their amphibious war-machines in preparation for surprise
extermination of surface
9 Bodies of dead gods keep turning up
Dead rise from their graves: without pausing to eat the brains of the living march
10 off to muster in isolated region
11 Capricious god grants trolls the capacity to breed like rabbits
Vegetable messiah arrives, announces universal plant solidarity and declares war
12 against humanity

20
d12 Cheap Dungeon Gross-outs
C
1 The rotting pantry of the deceased hoarder-gourmet

2 Orc lavatory (as in battle, they frequently miss)

3 The Vampire Lady’s champagne fountain of blood

4 The bulimic otyugh

5 Count Sadisto’s skin collection showroom

6 Blood-vomiting devil children

7 The compulsory banquet of heads

8 Offal that walks like a man

9 The Inside-outers

10 Colossal turd w/ human bones in

11 Cursed folk whose organs explode forth upon the slightest touch

12 Pit trap filled with... d12 Subtable: Pit Trap Contents

1-2 ...decomposing bodies

3-4 ...bacterial soup

5-6 ...leeches

7-8 ...raw sewage

9-10 ...hungry ticks

11-12 ...semi-coagulated monster blood

21
 d12 Contents of the Giant’s Lunchbox
C
1 Gnome-salad sandwich

2 Black pudding roll-ups

3 Marinated shriekers

4 A sack of toasted heads

5 Lower half of a dwarf, upper half of an elf

6 A disturbingly large sausage

7 Baked bones (for roughage)

8 Assorted shrubberies

9 Boneless halfling nuggets

10 A barrel of lard with unidentifiable meat chunks

11 Sashimi (actually just a big dead fish)

12 A huge stitched bladder filled with river water

note: roll several times for a well-balanced meal

d12 Corpses in the Dungeon

1 Dead thief collapsed half-way through a secret door

2 Eleven dead man-apes covered with sucker marks

3 Three dessicated husks of the dwarfish persuasion

4 Human-type creature blasted to tiny bits

5 The head of a hill giant with a message in his teeth

6 Area filled with reeking/disintegrating horror of ichor and tentacles

7 Five bandits and their leader fallen upon own swords

8 Three ornately armored warriors crushed almost flat

9 Two green halfling bodies still clutching their throats

10 Beheaded dragon (loot free)

11 Spear-impaled berserker with sword thrust through face of adjacent berserk

12 Wizard with smoking neck-stump

22
d12 Corpses in the Wilderness
C
1 Hill giants in a heap w/drained vessels in their hands (they drank the Kool-Aid)

2 Numerous normal bats scattered about full of tiny black arrows

Circle of dead scavengers (hyenas, jackals, vultures, etc.) who failed their saves
3 after sampling the decomposing abomination
Smashed sailing vessel w/full compliment of dead sailors: far from water, as if
4 dropped from a great height
Adventuring party w/hirelings encased in some kind of hardened goo: seemingly
5 frozen in mid-stride
6 Barbarian hunting party: skeletons & clothing intact, flesh melted clean away

7 Bat-winged dwarfs drop dead from out of the sky

8 Large number of small humanoids seem to have exploded individually

Several adventurers hang from (inanimate) tree, branches clenched around their
9 necks
Hidden one-by-one under neatly piled leaves: perfectly intact naked human
10 bodies painted w/elaborate mystic sigils
11 Warrior in shining armor marches on silently despite being stone dead
100 ft. diameter death zone: withered trees & plants, fallen birds, deceased forest
12 creatures, expired insects, even the microbes snuffed it within

d12 Cult Imperatives of the City Folk

1 Daily blood tithe: collected by sub-sect of holy phlebotomists

2 Wear very tall shoes, everything on stilts, anything that touches earth: unclean

3 Only permissible nourishment: thrice-blessed health porridge

4 Vow of loquaciousness

5 Customary after-dinner holy hallucinogen

6 Daily recitation of litanies against hope, contentment and peace

7 Seduce infidels as much as possible

8 Secretly commit petty evil daily

9 Honor the hours of public nudity

10 Mass pilgrimage to underworld holy site: city guard excluded

11 Be kind to infidels, beat the crap out of sinners

12 Weekly ablutions in the bile of the swamp lord

23
 d12 Current Favorite Items in the Dragon’s Hoard
C Dragon-size, talon-friendly scroll featuring transcriptions of various
1 acknowledged classics of forbidden literature
Bejewelled sarcophagus from unknown civilization: intact but inert super-
2 mummy within
3 Masterfully crafted miniature replica of fabled golden dragon temple
Nearly complete set of (singed) royal arms and armor from extinct clan displayed
4 on dwarf mannequins in realistic action poses
Uncut ruby of astonishing size: likes to play with ideas for possible workings but
5 can’t commit
Thousands of gold pieces fused by dragon fire into single mass of dubious
6 aesthetic value
7 Gold-dipped skull & tusks of mammoth suspended from the ceiling

8 Giant-king’s platinum necklace of office (frequently worn by dragon)

9 Huge crimson diamond: imprisoned demon prince visible within

10 Zeus’ false teeth on ornate obsidian stand

11 Hovering opalescent sphere of unknown origin: emits hypnotic white noise

Hyper-prism: impossible to count facets due to extra-dimensional nature,
12 under sunlight projects searing heat ray, under moonlight produces cone of
reanimation

24
 D

d12 Demons and Devils, Other

Mustachioed demon: suave, ivory-skinned human shape in natty attire w/
1 outrageous facial tentacles, a smooth-talker of chaos and evil
Philosopher devil: refutes good with seemingly indisputable logic, a heap of
2 obscuring robes w/bird feet, piercing avian voice
Ocular demon: human size eyeball and dangling optic nerve, congregate in
3 flocks, levitate freely about, delight in invading the most private of moments,
feed on soul via prolonged eye contact
Hilariatrix: astonishingly beautiful human female w/impala antlers issues hideous
4 mocking laughter, insult comic-type jabs, points up hidden foibles and
enhances embarrassment whenever possible
Aesthete devil: admirers of crafty obscenities, clever abominations, expertly
5 staged horrors, burst into spontaneous ovations when delighted
Demon soul farmer: create strange and terrible new parodies of life from
6 recycled soul-stuff and other unlikely raw materials (examples: living
sewage, animate offal, metal insects)
Songbirds from Hell: exceedingly noisy minor nuisances who plague adventurers
7 by ruining stealth and making a good night’s sleep impossible
Bureaucrat devil: wretched go-betweens especially skilled at weaseling out of
8 responsibility and throwing one another under the bus, also fond of bogging
down adventurers in piles of red tape while waiting for muscle to arrive
Carnal demons: too wrapped up in seeing to their gluttonous needs to pose much
9 of a threat, lewd and lascivious, they ogle and sexually harass mortals
Parasite demons: tiny winged bloodsuckers infest the unwashed crevices of their
10 larger brethren, aggressively seek any available host should the original come
to harm
Grandpa devil: gets its kicks by scanning the memories of victim, taking on the
11 physical form of a cherished ancestor, reminiscing about the good old days
while telling lies about family history and its inescapable legacy of evil
Nightmare-eater demon: a mosquito-like abomination, induces nocturnal terrors
12 in its chosen subject and syphons off the resulting distress via ears, nose and
mouth w/its revolting multi-pronged proboscis

25
 d12 Details for the Otherwise Empty Dungeon Room
D
1 Hundreds and hundreds of mouse-size holes of indeterminate depth

2 Walls composed of stone with dimly luminous veins of an unknown compound

3 Scything blade trap just inside the doorway, rusted in sprung position

4 Intricate mosaic spells out obscenities in ancient script

5 Blood trail leading to middle of wall (no secret door)

Gummy substance on top, bottom and sides of door: hermetically seals room
6 when closed
Some settling has occurred: unusual pitch of floor, walls and ceiling creates
7 optical illusion, seeming downgrade actually gentle incline
Sizable swarm of dungeon gnats forms into patterns that appear to be a repeating
8 series of runes
9 Heap of funerary ashes w/unidentifiable bone fragments

10 Packet of extremely old hard tack: now really quite hard indeed

11 Mirrored ceiling, clean(er) spots where furniture used to be

All-out insect war in progress: huge colonies chewed into opposite walls,
12 floor strewn with countless tiny casualties, sophisticated troop formations
attempting to outflank one another

26
 D

d12 Disastrous/Abandoned Projects of the Gods

Cosmic stairway: construction terminated somewhere in the ionosphere due to
1 budgetary constraints, now used as draconic nesting site
Pyramid shaped world: proposed resting place for immortal souls until discovery
2 that properties of attendant black star instantly rendered spirits irretrievably
insane and evil
The Sky Forest: soil cloud too unstable, taken over by airborne fungi, now giant
3 lumpy mass acrawl with terrifying symbiotes
Sapient dinosaurs: upon release into creation exposed themselves as potential
4 threat to divine authority, extinction event carried out preemptively
Experimental two-element pocket universe: Teardrop World suspended in a
5 sphere of air
6 The Cavern of Alternative Physical Laws
The Lost Republic of Sentient Vegetables: left to own devices by the gods due
7 to lack of interest, now reduced to tiny deep jungle enclave, inadvertently
passed on the gift/curse of intellect to several deep jungle herbivore species
United Pantheons grand meeting hall: desecrated and destroyed by members of
8 intentionally excluded pantheon, now inhabited by their monstrous offspring
Multidimensional observatory: ruined and flooded during inter-pantheon cold
9 war, recently raised in suspect seismic event
10 Maximum Security Penitentiary of the Gods
Orbiting Pleasure Dome: crashed to earth following particularly massive
11 bacchanal
Trans-planar God-Ark: decommissioned and scuttled following the discovery of
12 the more-nearly omniscient Trans-gods

27
 d12 Distinguishing Characteristics of the Demigod
D
1 Walks an inch off the ground

2 Surrounded by scintillant halo effect

3 Reflection (in mirror, pool etc.) reveals only the divine portion

4 Eyes fluctuate in appearance: human, reptilian, multifaceted bug eyes, etc.

5 Turf smolders slightly under feet

6 Attracts swarms of insects, birds, assorted fauna

7 Voice has peculiar quality of subtle auto-tune effect

8 Sketchy movement, as if on film with random frames edited out

9 Exhales smoke

10 Appearances generally accompanied by thunderclap/atmospheric effect

11 Hair waves about as if tossed by wind, omnipresent glamour lighting

12 Open disdain for mortal inferiors

d12 Domestics on Duty at the Sorcerer’s Tower

1 Trans-dimensional consultant: the ghost of extinct sentient beetle

2 All services performed by host of rejected golem-brides

3 The homonculibrarian

4 Sorcerer’s re-animated parents see to daily care and feeding

5 On-staff sycophants rotate shifts to provide 24/7 ego bolstering

6 Pack of highly-trained hench-dogs: total obedience and unconditional love

Major Domo: Thoroughly pacified type Q demon in custom butler attire, uses
7 clairvoyance to anticipate needs, teleports to expedite service
War Master: retired fighting man under heavy ensorcellment sees to training and
8 deployment of sub-human forces, drunk 75% of waking hours
Chief of Treasury shackled to desk and awaiting execution should he not find
9 some way to balance the books
Kitchen staff: mind of culinary genius transferred to extremely dexterous body
10 of land kraken
Maintenance dept.: disgruntled crew of semi-competent ogres, recently unionized
11 and eager to exercise collective bargaining

12 Scullery shoggoth

28
 D

d12 Down the World Dragon’s Gullet

1 Enzyme attack! Vessel hull breach in 2d12 minutes

2 Whirlpool: forcefully excretes anything caught within into random world

3 Aggressive phagocytes: attack as giant black puddings

4 Age-withered questing hero and party in iron clad vessel: lost to madness

5 Series of ducts lead to...(see subtable below)

6 Levitating parasitic worm-oracle dispensing trans-planar wisdom

7 Wizard and homonculi crew piloting experimental bathysphere

8 Hygiene cells studded with indigestible treasures

9 Cyst-shrine of the dragon cult

10 Corpse-strewn and blasted battlefield: site of ancient autoimmune malfunction

11 Ruined keep atop crystalline outcropping (devoured centuries ago)

12 Skeletons and other partially digested remains of gods, demi-gods, and heroes

d12 Subtable: Duct Destination

1-2 Heart: violently propelled to next destination (roll again)

3-4 Spleen: exposure to fluids amplifies rage and hate

5-6 Phlegm pits: trapped forever

7-8 Lungs: filled with explosive gasses and gale force winds
Brain: induces apoplexy in World Dragon w/potentially catastrophic
9-11 results
12 Colon (Hades-like zone of the mournful dead)

29
 DM’s Emergency Dodecahedron Outcomes Oracle
D d12 For use whenever the mad schemes of the players demand speedy resolution
but lie beyond the scope of easily remembered/referenced rules...

1 Abysmal and utter failure beyond all reasonable expectations

2 Unpredictably bad outcome (there will be blood)

3 What the players imagined to be the worst case scenario

4 Still pretty bad but losses acceptable (dead hirelings, wasted resources)

5 Certain failure but with minimal loss

6 Even Steven: no loss, no gain

7 Partial success, but at some cost

8 Successful but only just, or partially favorable outcome

9 Laws of physics/psychology bend in favor of the players

10 Only agencies beyond the player’s ken can explain their total success

11 A stunning success beyond all reasonable hope

12 DM’s instinct prevails as long as its amusing for all (win or lose)

Die Modifiers
+1 if plan seems sound or if obscured by cloud of cool-sounding BS

+2 if the gods might favor such a plan

+3 if the plan seems really amusing

-1 if the plan seems completely absurd

-2 if the plan inadvertently ruins something super cool

-3 if there never really was a chance for success anyway

30
 D

d12 The Dragon’s Formerly Secret Weakness

1 Due to upper respiratory fungal infection breath weapon subject to 50% failure
Such a megalomaniacal ass all henchmen and servitors actively plotting coup
2 d’etat
Heavy opiate habit after accidentally eating heavily-laden dealer: intense
3 lassitude, skewed priorities
Inflamed intestinal blockage from hastily devoured iron-clad warrior:
4 constitutionally compromised
Anger management issue: easily provoked into blind rage featuring total loss of
5 reason
6 Quite insane, unpredictable but somewhat suggestible
Allergic to fresh cut grasses: exposure induces convulsive sneezes, reduces
7 vision
8 Devoted to fine brandy by the cask, commisioned giant snifter, frequently loaded
Actually quite fond of humans: a scholarly authority on the subject eager to test
9 pet theories, readily charmed
10 Severely infected fang: claw, claw, no bite
Arrow shaft barely protruding from difficult-to-reach spot on back: an inch away
11 from spine
A terror back in the day, now frail with immeasurable age, flames diminished,
12 passions forgotten, stiff w/arthritis, scales dropping off, a shadow of former
self

31
D

d12 The Dragon’s Gourmet Night: The Guest List

Dune giant sultan, body guards, travel-size harem toting barrels of exceedingly
1 rare spirits
Gaggle of big city idle rich thrill seekers going for the gusto w/their most
2 outlandish binge ever
Sphinx w/mummy retainers: launches into ranging monologue, dragon can’t get
3 a word in edgewise
4 Dragon’s black lotus connection & shabby entourage
Fire giant lord and lady: he’s a physical disaster after too many years of conquest,
5 she’s a ferocious wrecking machine despite demure bearing
6 Swarm of telepathic giant bats: dining on the ceiling

7 Impatient demon w/places to go humoring dragon for political expediency

8 Vassal ogre king and most of his extended family

9 Cabal of once-human sorcerers embracing their twisted natures

Pair of juvenile dragons from neighboring mountain range claiming to seek
10 mentorship, actually casing the joint
Rival ancient dragon: after lifetime of territorial disputes w/host, celebrating
11 anniversary of détente with verbal contest of wits
Last minute cancellations w/barely plausible excuses: a bitter dinner for one,
12 looking for excuse to unleash pent-up frenzy of destruction

Notes: roll 1d4 times (ignoring other results if you roll a 12),
guests wouldn’t dream of popping in w/out suitable gifts

32
d12 The Dragon’s Gourmet Night: The Menu
D
1 Man-chowder w/bone meal toast points

2 Catoblepas surprise: kobold tribe baked inside

Gently killed warriors, lightly seared: served in their armor in various attack
3 poses
4 Virgin pie

5 Flailsnails braised in pork fat w/bile reduction

6 Team of roast oxen yoked to wagon full of kraken ceviche

7 Soft boiled roc egg over man-hash

8 Unicorn medallions presented uncooked w/individual salt lick

9 Humanoid melange in exotic spices

10 Rustic ape stew

11 Megalodon & giant bivalve paella

12 Exceedingly fresh (live) giant beetle larvae tossed w/garlic in a light vinaigrette

d12 The Dragon’s Other Prisoners

1 Three former chiefs-of-staff serving life sentences for insolence and poor service

2 The local lord: not previously known to be missing

3 Bound halfling suspended upside-down from ceiling

4 A lawful wizard encased in a life-sustaining plasm

5 Hog-tied hill giant chief in extra-large cell block

6 A still-smoldering fighting man in claw-rent armor

The ogre guard captain who got overly ambitious: still retains loyalty of the
7 guard, fomenting insurrection
Malevolent mist-being in glass bio-dome: mutters about plans to depopulate the
8 continent
9 The heir of the griffin king awaiting delivery of ransom
Sentient beetle-man from the distant past: claims to know a good deal about the
10 future as well
11 A six-dimensional fungus hovering in containment dome

12 Ball-gagged bard weeping (silently) over the shattered remains of lute

33
D

d12 The Dragon’s State of Mind

Deep ennui mitigated only by the momentary twinkle of baubles, gewgaws and
1 trinkets (amassed hoard comprised largely of shiny junk)
Bestial: if famished eats anything that moves; if sated chiefly concerned with
2 defending territory, 1% chance of being concerned with reproduction
3 Egomaniacal but rather charming: intolerant of any more charming than itself
False modesty hides mean streak: likes to play with food, takes prisoners for
4 personal amusement
Laconic detachment: Dragon With No Name, minimal dialogue, lots of
5 disdainful grunting, shoots first
Ironic bemusement: reflects view that life is just a joke and one should at least try
6 to see the humor in it
7 Scarred, bitter, resents the very cosmos that spawned it

8 Quite upset (see Something has Upset the Ancient Dragon - pg. 140)
Dispassionate, clinical yet curious: thinks of life as a science experiment, human
9 data particularly interesting
10 Ablaze with generalized hostility, raging full-on

11 Unflappable: the 007 of dragons

Has convinced self of cool, collected condition, but just under the surface
12 pent-up frustrations stand by to explode with volcanic force at the slightest
provocation

34
d12 Dungeon Aesthetic
D
1 Designed to accommodate alien/giant body plan

2 Meticulously-crafted, smooth stonework, unadorned, impeccably clean

Vertical design around central crevasse w/shafts, landings, platforms for ancient
3 public levitation system no longer in service
Architect: H. R. Giger on an acid-fueled bender with unlimited budget and
4 massive slave labor force of highly skilled artisans
5 Dark whimsy: a Disneyland of fear and death
Slopped together w/minimal outlay and effort, functionality compromised, doors
6 barely work
Natural beauty of cavern system preserved and subtly enhanced, chambers linked
7 by faux-natural causeways
Mind-bending baroque design: countless sculptures, tapestries, bas reliefs,
8 mosaics depict events of terror and bloodshed
Interconnected system of cones, spheres and cylinders, cold and clinical, origin
9 unknown
Original masonry eroded and dotted with fossilized coral from long-ago period
10 of flooding
11 Jarring tilts and trapezoidal chambers, angled ceilings and floors, a mad-house
Rough-hewn functionality dangerously askew after major earthquake, strong
12 chances of collapse, inter-level breakthroughs

d12 Dungeon Audio

1 Ambient grinding of tectonic plates

2 Distant crowd roars in approbation

3 Colossal footfalls draw inexorably nearer

4 Just beyond sight, a chitinous skittering

5 From below: a thunderous collapse

6 A series of staccato reports

7 Echoing voice screams out praise to unknown gods

8 Ahead: the distinctively insane piping of the cube jelly

9 Human-like choir of the highest order

10 Pathetic puppy-like whimper (mating call of the tomb worm)

11 Impossibly, the sound of heavy rain and thunder

12 Unseen orchestra performs selections by Basil Poledouris

35
 d12 Dungeon Conspiracy Theories
D Dragons beholden to unknown being from another sphere: hoards just not the
1 same anymore
2 So-called “adventurers” actually death squads of underworld junta
The coming apocalypse will destroy the surface world only sending underworld
3 real estate through the roof
4 Strings pulled by cabal of mind-eaters who now know everything

5 The one true god lives at the center of the earth: the path to wisdom runs deep

6 Humans created in vats of ancient underworld sorcerer to usher in age of terror

7 Cube jelly: the secretly sentient masters of the dungeon

8 The surface world is actually hell: adventurers = demons

Our small gods war amongst themselves to win approval of the unknown gods
9 above them: after that all bets are off
10 Undead eyes transmit information to secret overlords from an adjacent plane

11 The sky god judges the surface-worlders but cannot see underground
All the seemingly mindless monsters of the dungeon actually controlled by a
12 subtle intelligence keen for amusement

36
d12 Dungeon Delusions
Subject believes... D
1 ...Trapped in simulacrum body, real body somewhere near

2 ... Anybody who looks lawful must be chaotic and vice versa

3 ... Inheritor of deceased god’s former flock/powers

4 ... Pixies control other party members

5 ... Foes can only be stopped by special song

6 ... Rations = poison

7 ... All will soon be killed by crushing air pressure in the deeps

8 ... Human blood = life-sustaining elixir

9 ... Only by betraying allies can one escape the wrath of the gods

10 ... Must escape dungeon, the only way out is down

11 ... Exposing self will aid others spiritually

12 ...Suffers from Hysterical...

d12 Subtable: Disability

1-2 ...Blindness

3-4 ...Deafness

5-6 ...Loss of touch

7-8 ...Olfactory disability

9-10 ...Loss of taste

11-12 All five

37
 d12 Dungeon Friendlies
D
1 Masterless dungeon hound: highly skilled, fond of dwarfs

2 Unguent salesman w/ hulking half-giant bodyguard

3 Extremely charismatic mercenary recruiter w/ sergeant and recent hires

4 Humorless missionaries from the Temple of Neutrality

Overfull ogre, picking adventurers from teeth, drunk on stolen wine and quite
5 jolly
6 Escaped chain gang from subterranean dwarf work camp

7 Young nobles in tattered finery, recently vampirized and released to own devices
Contingent of arms dealers transporting stock of cheap weapons and
8 reconditioned armor, eager to buy and sell
Fungus-man monks: unbelievably serene, supremely self-actualized, totally non-
9 violent and practically unkillable
10 Insufferably pompous paladin and his equally zealous all-sidekick crew

11 A good-natured talking giant snake asking politely for sightings of nearby vermin

12 Dungeon pimp and his foxy stable

38
d12 This Dungeon Has Weird Floors
D
1 Translucent material with swirling phantasms beneath

2 Stretched reptile hide

3 Cushy fungi carpet

4 Covered in thick layer of a very fine white powder (instantly airborne)

5 Hot to the touch, protective footwear required

6 Slightly bouncy: enhances jumps once mastered

7 Complex mosaic filled w/ancient coded messages

8 Acid-polished to near-frictionless condition

9 Deep semi-circular groove worn down center

10 Undulates rhythmically

11 Cunning tile arrangement produces optical illusion of tilt

12 Randomly semi-permeable

d12 Dungeon Infestations

1 Alchemy mites: eat gold, excrete lead

2 Scintillating mold: hypnotic effect when viewed, trolls watch it for hours
Rock eating bacteria: excavation bio-tool gone feral, undermines walls, floors
3 etc.
4 Stone slime: as green slime but perfectly camouflaged

5 Black widow super colony

6 Cadaver ants: dissect corpses to bring into huge nest, store gold in deep chambers

7 Primordial fleas (thumb sized): inert until activated by body heat

8 Whimpering toadstools: like shriekers, only merely annoying

Necrophagic fungus: consumes soft tissues, adheres to skeleton for locomotion,
9 keeps adding new skeletons to it’s mass until it becomes a vast centipede-like
horror
10 Blink lice: short range teleportation

11 Highly aggressive intestinal worms (rope sized), any host will do

12 Microscopic arcanaphagic flora: enter lungs, eat spells

39
 d12 Dungeon Level One: Highlights
D Wicked master of mind control accumulates riches by sending his ensorceled
1 hoard of berserkers on raids of nearby settlements, trade routes and wealthy
dungeon neighbors
Chain gang of escapees from the Mad Jailer on level two, unwilling to explain
2 the unoccupied set of bloodstained manacles
Dead end stair leading down, terminates in illusion-concealed pit filled with
3 green slime
Berserker crew assigned to rid the level of giant spider infestation: employ
4 predictably straight-forward approach, heavy casualties
Network of passageways and rooms impassably webbed: filled with loot-bearing
5 victims and rather large black widows
Conspiracy of neophyte thieves practicing moving silently from shadow to
6 shadow, picking no fights but on the watch for opportunities to improve back-
stabbing skills
Subhumans driven toward the surface by forces below cling ferociously to their
7 lightless culture and meager territory while simultaneously being exploited
by said forces
Vast and ancient chamber originally accessible only from below: cruder more
8 recent renovations broke through from level one, access to level two, haunted
by spirits of extinct prehumans
No man’s land between subhuman and berserker areas w/improvised barricades,
9 shallow trenches, arrows shooting back and forth: littered with bodies, home
to single opportunistic ghoul
10 Skeleton-manned arms production facility, overseen by subhuman thugs

11 Chamber of automatic will annihilation and secret control booth

12 Ogre formerly employed on level 2 walking out in disgust, muttering about back pay

40
 D

d12 Dungeon Level Two: The Cool Parts

Necromancer’s HQ w/secret stair access to surface: uses subhumans as buffer
1 against forces from below, serves as their occasional arcane savior
Seemingly bottomless and literally howling chasm separates factions, subhumans
2 have built up shrine on their side, offer sacrifices to the presumed howling
deity below, access to levels three and four, mountaineering required
Warlock and squad of bloodthirsty henchmen make full study of prehuman ruins,
3 have amassed significant hoard of relics
Dripping wet and humid natural caverns descend gradually to the lake on level
four, subhumans haul shipments of arms this way, simultaneously disposing
4 of their dead (and the necromancer’s failed experiments) to appease predatory
cave monsters
Incredibly elaborate series of frescoes in vast hall depict in some detail the extra-
5 terrestrial origin of humankind
Partially looted royal catacombs of the extinct prehumans, signs of necromantic
6 tampering, access denied by massed skeleton warriors
Neutral slug folk protected by small private force of ogre mercenaries
7 (disgruntled): losses incurred in trade war prevent the slug folk from making
their payroll
Roving miasma of living gasses: stupefies upon inhalation, pursued by subhuman
8 addicts
A giant snake with eight insect-like legs roams the corridors, exhaling choking
9 black smoke
Herd of elusive dungeon deer on perpetual feeding migration through environs to
10 scattered moss and lichen beds, led by intelligent stag
Defensible and out-of-the-way room: automatic party ejector, one-way elevator
11 to surface
Gaming halls of slug folk: open to all and sundry, must buy at least 100gp worth
12 of tokens at well-guarded gates

41
D

d12 Dungeon Level Three: Memorable Features

Grand promenade of the prehuman city: cave tenements, former domain of the
1 subhumans, now housing for cult fanatics awaiting the arrival of their terrible
deity

2 Ambient whirring from below as of a great engine pushed to its maximum exertion
Anti-subhuman traps around perimeter: tripwire activated catapults loaded w/
3 nails and glass
Forum of the prehumans now used by cultists’ for public execution of heretics,
4 captured enemies (especially numerous: albino mermen)
Deep dwarfs under contract to excavate new vaulted chamber to house cult deity,
5 will disallow any attempt to observe their work in progress
Scientific installation of the prehumans, refitted for sorcery by the cult high
6 priests: perpetual contact with deity established via huge half-magic
communication device
Howling chasm houses large hive of chaos flies, rapidly multiplying and growing
7 more bold in their choice of prey
Witch subsect of cult finds current leadership sub par, schemes dubious: planning
8 assassinations, looking to hire
Foulflow River enters several sections of level, currently alive with aggressive
9 giant phagocytes, harvested as protein source by subhumans, cultists, and
several species of subterranean monster
Natural caverns gradually descend to level four, former game preserve of the
10 prehuman civilization, still haunted by myriad horrors from the unguessed past
Giant river monster like a fetal bird that projects beams of terror from its
11 unopened eyes
Deep dwarfs carving out new underworld byway breach gas filled chamber,
12 releasing from stasis horde of headless naked man-creatures with two-handed
swords and little regard for their own safety

42
43
D

d12 Dungeon Level Four: The Vital Bits

Vast self-luminous lake of clear green water in incredibly huge cavern, partially
1 flooding numerous smaller caves: home to amphibious spiral shelled kraken
and their albino merman allies
Party of subhumans led by necromancer’s chief associate w/shipment of arms
2 and secret communique for the merman theocrat

3 Giant jellyfish that hunt orca-style, beaching themselves to take terrestrial prey
Deep dwarfs nearing completion of centuries-long project to divert subterranean
4 river, massive pumping station ready to go online, will instantly alter
ecosystem, guarded by ogre and troll mercenaries
Half-flooded prehuman undercity, amphibious kraken oversee archaeological
5 study by cult hierophants
Waterspouts that seem to target and relentlessly pursue individuals until giving a
6 damn good thrashing or somehow dispersed

7 Mermen training in preparation for amphibious assault on deep dwarf river project
Slug folk traders await shipment of subtlest liquors brewed by the mermen, a
8 chatty bunch

9 Domesticated lake monsters provide merman mass transit

Merman concierge station administers water breathing potions to underworld
10 traders and dispenses valuable hints on merman etiquette
Many-spired city of the mermen and their terrible secret: as a result of curse
11 females savage and terrifying flesh-eaters that must be kept imprisoned in
sub-lake breeding dome
Wandering deity: towering ebon figure hand fishes with mystically baited line
12 (catch and release), moving slowly about the lake and environs surrounded by
fawning merman fanatics incessantly pleading for removal of curse

44
d12 Dungeon Kickstarters
Squad of freelance ogre mercenaries looking to go upscale: need custom armor
D
1 and equipment of highest quality, gigs already lined up, a sure thing
Evil high priest seeks aid to establish unholy gambling operation: security
2 paramount, offers up to 5% of net in perpetuity for major backers
Vampire archaeologist, having obtained and translated ancient bas relief map,
3 needs to hire contractors and obtain large slave force to excavate buried vault
laden with treasures, shares available
Hopeful entrepreneur and fully qualified troll chef have found perfect location
4 on level four for monster saloon/eatery, under capitalized and looking for
partners
Ambitious clan of kobolds looking to set up currency exchange/loan
5 establishment: offer females and children as collateral for start-up loans
Sorcerer and master assassin associate need coin for spell research/components
6 to make their magic-assisted murder scheme really pay off
Deep dwarf team has laid diplomatic groundwork for construction of dungeon
7 water and sewer system, a sound long-term investment opportunity
Bribe money needed to gain access to contested area of ruined subterranean city:
8 newly discovered sub-section expected to yield copious golden treasures
Cure for dungeon plague discovered by consortium of sorcerers eager to
9 blackmail disparate factions, need funds to produce samples, delivery system
Dungeon escort service w/sterling reputation in temporary cash-flow situation:
10 small amount to tide them over shall be repaid three-fold
Talented evil armorer looking to establish shop: offers gratis enchanted arms and
11 armor to investors
Mad but brilliant wizard anxious to publish and distribute grimoire of astonishing
12 new spells, but will not unless aesthetic requirements are met: gold inlays,
exotic inks, intricately embossed man-leather covers, etc.

45
 Dungeon Love Connections
D
Love is both blind and not particularly bright. But its power to make things weird,
even in the darkest subterranean pits, can never be entirely snuffed out. Alas!
Roll once on each table below for traditional one-on-one romance, with additional
rolls for love triangles or more complex entanglements.

d12 Table One

1 Blind old troll with walker made of bones

2 Poverty-stricken Dragon needing sugar-parent

3 Doppelganger that got in too deep

4 Exceptionally intelligent subhuman poet

5 Dinosaur man: fugitive from menagerie

6 Melancholy Templar of Chaos

7 Exceedingly amorous intelligent ooze

8 Sorcerer’s ghost: post-auto-disintegration

9 Half giant with heart of gold

10 The cutest kobold on record

11 Young surface aristocrat looking for thrills

12 Insomniac vampire: bored and clingy

d12 Table Two

1 Disembodied wizard head

2 Otherwise 100% belligerent physical fitness-obsessed ogre (attacks with barbells)

3 Age-withered high priest of chaos unable to contain urges

4 Evil warrior with tragic B.O.

5 Religious zealot slipping away from values

6 Saber tooth dungeon hound

7 Axe-wielding homicidal maniac w/mostly hidden soft side

8 Cyclops w/monocle and delusional social ambitions putting on airs

9 Agent of Law distracted from mission of assassination

10 Polyamorous dwarf: loves deeply and sincerely but needs to spread it around

11 Psychic for whom love remains a major blind spot

12 Wandering dungeon sage with the hormones of a 16 year old

46
d12 Love Condition Table
D
1-2 Exciting and new

3-4 All-consuming passion

5-6 Hit the doldrums: comfortable like an old shoe

7-8 Spats of increasing intensity, jealousy, recriminations

9-10 On the skids: ugly break up imminent

11-12 Unrequited

47
 Dungeon Plagues (in three easy rolls)
D
d12 Table One: Pathogen
1 Rot pox: too hideous a fate to describe
Exploding fever: temperature spikes then keeps on cooking until extremely
2 unpleasant eruption
3 Zombie itch: turns host into mindless self-scratching machine
Brain virus: before roasting the brain w/high fever inverts personality/skews
4 cognition
5 Face-eating bacteria: it ain’t pretty

6 Suicide chills: eventually lethal but more frequently ended by victim

Death shakes: tremors come on almost instantly after exposure, escalate to
7 grotesque parody of ecstatic dance, followed swiftly by death
Wraith germ: attacks point of contact between spirit and body, creating ghost
8 (death)
9 Dysentery of Abject Misery: immobilizes and kills by dehydration/humiliation

10 Blue anguish: subject turns blue and writhes in agony for 1-6 days until deceased

11 Bone Melter: turns skeleton into so much jelly followed by suffocation

Shriveling wastes: victim becomes more hideous than the most ancient lich, then
12 snuffs it unceremoniously

d12 Table Two: Vector

1 Dungeon ooze

2 Anything handled by filthy kobolds

3 Vampire blood

4 Kraken excrement

5 Sewer monsters

6 Bat vomit

7 Monster latrine

8 Subterranean pools

9 Bugbear lice
Ancient gold coins leftover from
10 plague-eradicated civilization
11 Draconic cerebrospinal fluid

12 Troll mucus

48
d12 Table Three: Cures (other than Cure Disease spell)
D
1-2 Huge monetary sacrifice to the god of the wretched

3-4 24-hour ritual involving free-form dance and large amounts of chicken blood

5-6 Victim must be bled to within inch of life

7-8 Cup of hot poison (50% chance of instant death anyway)

9-10 Subject must be roasted over open flame until half-dead

11-12 Incurable!

d12 Dungeon Relocations

Medusa secretly flees befouled relationship with duplicitous demigod, bringing
1 only what she could cram in her overnight bag
Vampire couple and coterie of half-vampire minions hauling wagon w/coffins,
2 pots of native soil
Horde of subhumans displaced by spike in subterranean dinosaur population: roll
3 hideous stone idols on greased logs

4 Dragon’s real estate agent scouts for luxury lair-away-from-home

Brood of recently-hatched giant spiders: egg-sack mates or no, cannibalize one
5 another as they seek lairs of their own

6 Necromancer w/train of zombies overburdened by eldritch collectibles

7 Troupe of ogre musicians skipping out on the rent

Company of evil mercenaries w/new customer: taking sweet time, 50% chance
8 of drunken bivouac

9 Witch followed by magically animated worldly possessions

Caravan of slug-men and team of headless lizards (under psychic control)
10 transport vats of vital ichors, carefully packed crates of slug-man eggs
Forlorn god-like abomination leads remaining flock of cultists, equally downcast,
11 after losing out to wildly popular new deity in former locale
Unlikely mix of dungeon creatures evacuate en mass as from Warner Bros.
12 Tasmanian Devil TM

Note: Due to frayed nerves, suppressed anxiety and stressors inherent in relocating,
reactions to adventurers skew heavily toward hostility

49
D

d12 Dungeon Statuary (Inanimate)

Smashed fragments of classical-type statues wired together into startling
1 aggregation of body parts
Three-dimensional representation of multi-dimensional entity: staring at shadow
2 causes debilitating sensory bewilderment
Megalodon-sized stone jaws of A’chth the All-consuming: heaped with freshly
3 sacrificed comestibles
Huge ancient earthenware bowl of unknown provenance set on grand pedestal
4 (recent work): filled with green flames that utterly destroy anything placed
inside

5 Colossal fertility idols of the extinct giants

Totem pole-like column of unknown creatures topped with a human form: yields
6 disturbing evolutionary facts
Incomprehensibly abstract design: magic-enhanced study reveals 3D map of
7 dungeon

8 Ancient king in primitive garb: facial features dead ringer for one of the PCs
Bas relief hewn into dungeon wall portrays titanic god-monster emerging from
9 underground and smashing surface civilizations Godzilla-like

10 Stone-carved coin of the realm on pedestal, 12 feet in diameter

Henge-sized stone slab inscribed with entire history of extinct people in tiny
11 letters

12 Polished granite dodecahedron surrounded by tiny figures bent in supplication

50
d12 Dwellers in the Lightless Pits
D
1 Land-bats

2 Sonar men: unsightly echolocation sensilla replace eyes

Feelers: badger-like solitary hunters covered with thin extensible tentacles in
3 place of fur

4 Giant naked mole-rats: aggressively territorial, commanded by psychic queen

Behemoth snail: broadcasts fear-inducing stimuli from radar dish-like
5 protuberance on shell
Stinkmen: communicate via pheromones, perpetual state of warfare with the
6 Sonar men

7 Terrestrial angler fish

The Light Eater: sentient demi-material shadow form, sustains self by consuming
8 photons (or phantasy equivilent)

9 Bioluminescent flying prawns attracted to heat

10 Huge blobs of edible anaerobic bacteria

Barnacle fungi: spread themselves by adhering to passersby with strong bio-glue,
11 accumulate rapidly

12 Oh hey, the floor is moving- no, wait, it’s just one zillion bugs

51
52
 E

d12 Enchanted Conveniences of the Rich and Sorcerous

1 Ever-full goblet of the finest hooch
Mind-controlled servants, lobotomized and reprogrammed for maximum
2 efficiency
3 Eight-armed deep tissue massage therapist

4 Magic mouth w/wizard eye feature: automatic scroll & tome reader

5 Hovercouch

6 World’s Most Fabulous Lavatory

7 Potion of rock-hard abs

8 Concubine teleportation system

9 Expert mani-pedi homunculi

10 Bottled water elemental health beverage

11 Perfectly-behaved, highly affectionate lap-demon

12 Ensorcelled hair-dos

53
E

d12 Enchanted Missile Weapons

of Renown
Arrow of Availability: once bonded w/owner, reappears in quiver within a
1 minute of being removed for any reason
2 Throwing knives, artery-seekers: target must save or begin to bleed out if struck

3 Smart boomerang: hits up to 3 enemies/use and returns

4 Ricochet-shot sling bullet (hits up to four targets)

5 Rocket-propelled javelin: single use, accurate up to five times normal range

6 Atlatl of Caveman Strength

7 Throwing axe of appendage severing: random bits go flying on critical hit

8 Crossbow Bolt of Chaos: delivers random mutation on successful hit

9 The crag giant earl’s lucky magic boulder of smashing

10 Catapult-load of sleep-inducing pixie dust (made from real ground pixies)

11 Screaming demon ballista bolt of intimidation

12 Holy hurling stone of accuracy: palm sized, smooth, a terrific rock indeed

54
d12 Enemies of the City-state Currently at Large
Seditious army commander: escaped execution in hail of fireballs and lightning,
E
1 believed harbored by sketchiest cabal of sorcerers near city
Plutocrats displaced by tyrannical usurper: gaining traction among those who
2 yearn for the ol’ time oppression they were used to, raising secret armies for
planned insurrection
Charlatan suicide cult guru: rises in popularity as local economic hardship
3 mounts, spellbinding oratory argues for sacrifice of earthly goods (to be
disposed of by temple), public displays of self-annihilation
Remnants of not-quite-wiped-out indigenous peoples, driven by fatalistic mores,
4 defiantly throw their lives away in acts of senseless destruction
Authorities suspect former court vizier (disappeared after failed coup attempt)
5 hidden by retired member of adventuring party, four of whom maintain
residences in the city-state
Presumed madman dubbed “The Midnight Dentist” harvests teeth of the noblesse
6 for an unknown arcane purpose
Visiting woolly neanderthal dignitary killed aristocrat over insult, now roams the
7 streets in berserk frenzy, a host of guardsmen unable to bring him in
Barely perceptible demi-material monstrosity from another sphere breaks out
8 of royal menagerie in bloodbath, linked to certain scrolls now missing from
royal library
Beloved monarch revealed as animate mummy of pre-cataclysmic age: brought
9 down entire wing of palace upon self and accusers, body never recovered
Redmask, populist agitator and author of absurd treatises re: “The Rights of
10 Man”, eludes capture, may in fact be several individuals
Ambassador from formerly secret subterranean kingdom: walked out of talks
with human leadership in disgust, publicly declared human surface hegemony
11 officially at an end, disappeared into newly formed sinkhole, populace
descending into paranoid freak-out
Roll again but this time assume the result is a totally fictitious red herring
designed to keep the people in fear and ready to swallow any nonsense
12 their betters wish to foist upon them while simultaneously occupying any
wandering armed miscreants in the area with wild goose chases.

55
E

d12 Even the Doors are Weird

1 Made of semi-permeable tissue: only organic material may pass through
Enchanted talking door w/ service-oriented attitude, only knows about things a
2 door would care about
Composed of a living aggregate of insects clinging to one another: strict entrance
3 policy

4 Fashioned of cast iron and set in solid stone with 3 giant deadbolts on the outside

5 Randomly opens and closes w/ damaging force

Unauthorized tampering activates hysterical magic mouth alarm: “They’re
6 touching me! They’re trying to open me!”

7 Door made entirely of doorknobs: must turn correct knobs in succession for entry

8 Carved in shape of ogre face with gaping maw: must be fed for entry

9 Coin slot above handle: 10 gold pieces to unlock (each way)

Surface of door has 5 hand-shaped indentations: opens when all are occupied
10 simultaneously

11 Several life-like eyeballs set into door closely scrutinize those in proximity
Surface of door inscribed with huge letters reading “You are weak.”: combined
12 strength of 4 men required to turn huge knob

56
d12 Events in the All-Humanoid Olympiad
“Glaahh! Ashrakh got best seats available! You NO complain!”
E
1 Giant slug clean and jerk: extra challenging on account of all the writhing
Marathon wrestling: no holds barred, match lasts until one or both contestants
2 drop dead
Artificial cave-in survival: a test of luck above all, a quality valued by most
3 humanoids

4 Pain tolerance: contestants strapped to automatic agony inducers

5 Cockatrice round-up

6 One-legged race (stringent entrance requirements)

7 Speed regeneration: trolls only

8 Spider-bite endurance test

9 Competitive piercing
Synchronized beheading: more of an aesthetic thing really, somehow
10 grandfathered in
Speed execution: a true athletic challenge, judged on number and quality of
11 slayings w/in time limit

One-ton battle royale: unregulated combat to the death between forces of any
12 composition within weight requirement (ex. 4 500lb. ogres vs. 40 50lb. goblins)

For additional events currently under consideration

for entry see Underworld Sporting Events (pg. 161)

57
 &
E Experimental Trope Collider
Instructions: Roll once on each table, re-rolling until satisfied, insert ampersand,
proceed with retroclone project.

d12 Table One d12 Table Two

1 Deathtraps 1 Degenerates

2 Demigods 2 Decadence

3 Dwarfs 3 Dirigibles

4 Demonlords 4 Debauchery

5 Doppelgangers 5 Diabolists

6 Duels 6 Desecrators

7 Destroyers 7 Derangement

8 Dryads 8 Damnation

9 Daggers 9 Disintegrators

10 Dinosaurs 10 Dystopias

11 Deicide 11 Doomsday

12 Dastards 12 Deep Space

58
 F

d12 Famous Swords and Current Whereabouts

1 Hronar’s Holy Brand: non-lethally embedded in demon lord

2 Chimera’s Bane: at bottom of subterranean lake

3 Axmeek’s Silver Avenger: lost in the Entropy Pits

4 Weirdblade: presumed eaten by serpent-dragon

5 Hrotha’s Toothpick: favorite piece of loot in Frost Giant Treasury

6 The Crimson Khopesh of Aantroch: enshrined in distant temple

7 Urgontha, the Hammer of Chaos: in explosive caldera

8 Arbiter, Lawbringer of the Balance: beneath base of pyramid

9 The Great Divider: stuck in mountain’s peak, constantly struck by lightning

10 Cleaver of Lies: entombed w/ revered ancient king

11 The Hairsplitter: on mantle at big city lawyer’s club

12 The Sword of Form and Essence: in the Philosopher’s Cave

59
 d12 Features of the Eccentric Plutocrat’s Mansion
F Torture chamber w/discretely curtained observation lounge, master torturer’s
1 quarters adjacent
Private art gallery w/half-devil curator: works carefully selected to slide poisoned
2 blade between the ribs of the human spirit
Hall of taxidermy: highlights include several specimens whose gaze might still
3 turn you to stone
Elaborately appointed summoning chamber and reception area for dignitaries
4 from Hell
Surgical suite for extracting adrenal glands and other essential bodily fluids for
5 artificially prolonging life
Secret cemetery where victims of the plutocrats various eccentricities are
6 respectfully interred (once stripped of usable parts)
Hedging bets: multiple shrines and mini-temples (some with hired clerical staff)
7 honoring incongruous gaggle of gods, demons and cosmic entities throughout
manse and grounds

8 Row of guest rooms designed to accommodate startlingly alien requirements

Secret costume room w/variety of outfits designed for impersonating prominent
9 public figures
Grand ball room w/elevated stage currently occupied by inhuman troupe of
10 travelling performers preparing for the bloodiest and most realistic Grand
Guignol production yet attempted

11 Fenced enclosure housing captive population of debased halflings

Secure area (including deluxe quarters) where multi-disciplinary think tank pits
12 dark intelligence against the plutocrat’s entirely petty personal concerns,
employing a private force of assassins (also luxuriously housed) as needed

60
d12 Features of the Pleistocene Island
F
1 Titanothere-driven city on colossal stone wheels

2 Smilodon-riding sub-goblins

3 The mountain of 10,000 terraces

4 The invulnerable caveman who walks through the air

5 Benevolent wandering reptile-man missionaries of the Old Religion

6 War between the wooly rhino matriarchy and the host of the mammoth lord

7 Flightless bird-riding proto-kobolds

8 Giant cave halflings

Levitating pyramid: yeti holy site reachable only by esoteric transcendental
9 discipline
A viking-style longship converted into lodging for neanderthal clan equipped
10 with rusty viking-style gear
Hovering platform of the sky gods: plainly visible in good weather, UFOs come
11 and go routinely
Abandoned terrestrial bio-lab of the sky gods from which all manner of strange
12 and terrible creatures stagger forth to menace the world

d12 Fighting-men: Why We Fight

For honor and nation: personality nullified by grim nationalistic fervor, demands
1 of rigorous ethical code and extreme stoicism
2 Gear fetish: because wicked swords and cruel axes are super bad ass
Thought it would help chances with the opposite sex: now haunted by shade of
3 accidentally slain sweetheart
4 Given the choice, opted out of family pig shit hauling business

5 Religion requires tally of dead foes for preferred afterlife status

Comes from long line of proud occupants of early graves, now ready to seek own
6 glorious end
7 Not much good at anything else, really

8 Highly competitive personality + thrill-seeking adrenalin addiction

9 Was the bloodthirstiest young aristocrat anybody had seen in some time
On account of the abundance of faces that are just begging for a damn good
10 stabbing
11 Easy gold. Don’t mind killin’.
Frequent exorcism of reptilian killer instincts in gore-soaked melee required for
12 maintenance of otherwise considerable personal charm

61
 d12 Fleeing the Dungeon
F Exhausted swordsman w/multiple arrows in back drags unconscious wizard,
1 bleeding profusely and moaning piteously
2 Cyclops clutching superficially wounded eye, doesn’t yet realize he’s not blind
Gaggle of diminutive humanoids evacuating in a big hurry with whatever
3 personal effects they could grab or stuff in a sack
4 Duo of warriors in mad sprint, currently on fire

5 Thief, barely able to contain glee, with sack full of gems and magical trinkets

6 Vampire in wolf form, cursing venomously

7 Dragon w/one horribly mangled wing in state of shock

Pale, sweaty, and trembling fledgling wizard with bag of gold in one hand, blood
8 dripping dagger in the other
Stampeding herd of torch bearers and men-at-arms, report former employers
9 dead or captured
Large cube jelly making off with dead giant whose head is embedded within after
10 fortuitous critical hit
11 Necromancer disguised as escaped prisoner following coup d’état by underlings

12 All the rats as if from a sinking ship

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d12 Fluids in the Dungeon Well
F
1 Single tear of a titan shed in cosmic anguish

2 Clear lubricant 100 times more slippery than oil

Dwarf water: magically condensed, one small vial/day to maintain peak
3 hydration
4 Enough deadly virus-laden slough to infect a city or two

5 Black water: potable but temporarily renders skin as pitch

6 Digestive juices of the well-shaped beast

7 Repulsive soup of decomposition

8 Industrial-strength solvent

9 Liquid nitrogen
Protoplasmic stew burgeoning with Cambrian explosion-like panoply of novel
10 life forms
11 Nutritionally complete monster fuel

12 Liquid evil

d12 Found Dead in a Ditch

1 Merchant, dagger in chest through defiant note refusing ransom

2 Hairless naked body covered in fresh tattoos with no visible cause of death

3 Halfling, still warm, skull perfectly stripped of soft tissue

4 Two goblins, backs filled with goblin-size black arrows

Peasant couple with empty flask, both w/freshly stitched incisions just above the
5 hairline
Once-mighty fighting man: stabbed, hacked, speared, seared by magical fire, shot
6 with arrows and bashed with blunt instruments over and over until finally
dead
7 Giant snake slit open from the inside, must’ve been something it ate

8 Nearly the entire roster of the Eleven Fingers crime syndicate

9 Completely intact troll, no sign of injury but to all appearances stone dead

10 Tear-streaked elf in funerary raiment: succumbed to overwhelming despair

Several notable aristocrats in line for the throne: Oh, look! Here comes the city
11 guard!
12 The local bishop: No, wait, he’s just wasted on brandy again

63
F

d12 Found Mixed Among the Desirable Scrolls & Tomes

Cursed Scroll of Gibberish: reader must save or lose power of speech but for
1 random lunatic jabber, receptive language skills remain intact
Libram of Efficacious Debasement: new methods for utilizing/dispensing with
2 conquered enemies
Instructions on acquisition and maintenance of servitors/hirelings: signed by
3 author, a sorcerer of some repute, study grants bonus to quantity and quality
of retainers
4 Doctrines of the Ascetics vol. 4, Self-flagellation: A Double-edged Sword?

5 Unspeakable Recipes

6 Demon Worship Among the Dawn Peoples: 100% baseless speculation

Unabridged History of the Slug Folk: 1000% more proper names than The
7 Silmarillion, abundant w/tedious, highly repetitive minutiae of utterly
pedestrian slug folk lives
Full transcripts from the Imperial Investigative Commission’s findings on the
8 nebulous menace of Neutrality
Cursed Scroll of Illiteracy: reader must save or lose the ability to read and write,
9 must be re-educated from scratch, manifests temporary child-like innocence
10 Bring them Down: The Knee-Jerk Blasphemer’s Guide to Anti-Theism

11 Encyclopedia of Dungeon Brain Teasers, completely scribbled over and solved

Collected Fragments of Folk Wisdom & Philosophy from the First Stone Age:
12 turns out they didn’t know anything worth a damn

64
d12 Found Strapped to the Paladin’s Warhorse
F
1 Golf bag full of swords favored for various circumstances, numbered in red paint

2 Bundle of detoxifying herbs for cleansing tea-fast

The Bedroll of Righteousness: enchanted to halve rest requirement and double
3 healing rate
Incredibly detailed personal journal of impure thoughts w/equally belabored
4 screeds of repentance
5 Precisely enough gold to cover projected expenses of current crusade

6 Decomposing head of former villain for return to patron lord

7 Page-worn and tattered Manual of Personal Conduct volumes I-VI

8 Satchel of nuts, berries, the hardest conceivable tack, w/ skins of fresh rainwater
The Helm of Self-Justification: replaces pesky inner debate with bolstering
9 certitude, increases morale of followers
10 Perfumed ribbon from headdress of evil queen/king

11 Unholy relic in lead box earmarked for speedy destruction

Library loan (with 7 days remaining): illuminated scroll containing abridgement
12 of Ahknatar the Inscrutable’s classic Lethal Pitfalls of Situational Ethics

65
66
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d12 The Gastric Obstruction that Killed the Colossal Worm

1 Several ingots of alien metal of unknown provenance

2 Compressed mass of an ocean-going vessel

3 Complete set of mining equipment for small work crew

4 Magical glaive embedded in duodenum

5 A jewel-studded throne

6 Heavily pitted and corroded enchanted shield

7 Weird fluke-like parasite (fluent in several languages) swollen to gross immensity

8 Half-digested but still actively aggressive demon

9 Anaphylactic shock induced by previously unknown dwarf allergy

10 A tangled pair of war-chariots laden with various implements of violence

11 A magically protected wardrobe filled with pointy hats and robes

12 Shouldn’t have eaten the guy in the ornately spiked field plate

67
 d12 Gentle and Kindly Abominations
G Jolly old shoggoth: produces human-like head to put bipeds at ease, remarkable
1 sense of humor, a real raconteur with anecdotes and sly references for any
occasion
Giant mantis, toxic: exudes clouds of noxious pheromones, feeds exclusively
2 upon the heads of evil men and monsters
3 Sentient man-size sea urchins have nothing but the best of intentions
Chaos-tainted giant razorback with great scything tusks and eight spider legs:
4 allows abandoned pups to suckle at its zillion teats
Hill giant w/beetle head composes sonnets, observes and records the habits of
5 birds
Giant subterranean worm enjoys cooperating with miners, personality and
6 intellect of a faithful hound
Death yak: wouldn’t hurt a fly (on purpose) despite venom-dripping recurved
7 horns, gouts of flame from nostrils and stampeding hoofs, somewhat easily
rattled
8 Perfectly reasonable, if continuously famished, disembodied giant maw
Indescribably eldritch trans-dimensional tentacular horror: spouts out life-
9 affirming parables and screeds of wisdom to any who might listen
Saint Kong: fascinated by/protective of humans, likes helping construct
10 monumental architecture, refined aesthetic sensibility
Piranha-faced anthropoids shrouded in black robes: pacifists, eat only creatures
11 dead of natural causes
12 The hideous vampire Gandhi (accepts blood donations)

68
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d12 Giant Worms of the Underworld

Earthquakers: colossal entities, probably immortal, tamper with tectonic plates
1 for inscrutable purposes
Magma worms: black plated, incredibly dense, believe selves to be first terrestrial
2 intelligence, gently condescending to newer sentients on the scene
Dwarf-eaters: bred by ancient sorcerer w/anti-dwarf bias, prey upon any
3 humanoid but go out of their way for dwarf-flesh, heads like hammerhead
sharks bristling w/waving sensillae
Worm folk: roughly man-sized when reared up on caterpillar-like sets of hind
4 legs, frail and fragile, mentally enslave more dexterous creatures to do their
dirty work
Emperor worm: singular being venerated by all thinking worms, who are subject
5 to its mental orders at whim
Wind-vomiting worms: quasi-divine leviathans provide the Underworld w/its
6 peculiar weather phenomena
Artworms: creators of mad, surreal, non-representational sculpture, sojourn
7 through the solid earth in search of great caverns in need of mind-bending
decoration
Gold-eaters: miners follow them to mother lodes, thieves follow them to
8 unprotected treasuries, will only stop eating if slain
Army worms: appreciable communal intellect, telepathic, martial society bent on
9 conquest for its own sake
Servitor worms: bred by dwarfs for mining, ore processing, generally well-
10 behaved, occasionally go rogue at the behest of the Emperor worm
Lore-keeper worms: observers of the Underworld, encode their findings in great
11 bas reliefs in their vast library caves
Arrow worms: bred by subterraneans as missile weapons that start eating targets
12 upon impact

69
 d12 Gigantic Monsters
G
1 Marmodon: incredibly huge marmoset, dines exclusively on human heads

2 Blue Terror: gigantic aerial cousin to Portuguese man-of-war

3 Thrazenor: enormous stone-like anthropoid, seizes lightning from the sky

The Cloud: malevolent living vapor, snuffs out entire villages leaving dessicated
4 corpses in wake
Sky serpent: mammoth polychromatic flying snake, only certain gods know
5 origin, hunting aerial creatures to extinction
Mountain snail: more the size of a large hill, really; “shell” composed of boulders
6 cemented together by snail mortar
Earth Strider: titanic daddy longlegs, re-animated, hollowed out and used as
7 mobile dungeon lair by lich
The Great Unspeakable: single tapering tentacle rises high above base of four
8 stout ambulation tentacles, roams randomly, seeks other gigantic monsters to
wrestle
Death Sage: giant hideous human-like head with spider legs, spews aphorisms
9 and historical data while smashing through city walls
Titanoclops: towering bipedal fungus w/single complex eye that projects
10 destructive energy wave
The Forest Eater: fifty foot tall man-shape w/locust head spews corrosive black
11 ichor to aid in digesting old growth forests
12 The Colossal Ghost of Old Laser Breath

d12 Gonzo Bio-weaponry

1 Radiates death energies from empty eye sockets

2 Expels caustic phlegm from mystic third nostril

3 Effects hypno-strobe from translucent skin

4 Lashes out with extensible razor-tongue

5 Releases gale-force winds from iris-like orifice

6 Emits super-heated gas from funnel-shaped protuberance

7 Fires explosive projectiles from blunderbuss-like protrusion

8 Projects disintegration ray from single horn

9 Launches guided missiles from dorsal spines

10 Spews digestive juices from abdominal fissure

11 Flings hails of barbed poisonous quills from scalp

12 Casts waves of mind-destroying black energy from exposed brain

70
G

d12 Gonzo Class/Race Generator I

Badgermen: the anti-hobbit, vicious and relentless fighters, must be dragged from
1 combat
2 Peltast: expert hurlers of weaponry, 2 javelin attacks/round at level one
Ray fusilier: trained in all forms of ray-gun combat, melee weapons limited to
3 stiletto
Gentleman/Lady: persons of refinement, education, sophistication, start game
4 with 3d6 x 1000gp
Half-troll: slow regeneration, rubbery hide, claw attacks, unmentionable dietary
5 requirements but otherwise alright
Impostor: jack-of-all-trades, chooses class each day as OD&D elf, but can only
6 do magic via scrolls or spellbooks
Yeti ascetic: levitates in lotus position at first level, additional mental powers
7 with experience
Strongman: fights unarmed or w/club, feats of strength, must continuously pump
8 iron to maintain abilities
Woolly Neanderthal: furry hominids of average intellect and above average
9 strength, druid-like powers at mid-to-high levels
Lunatic: beset by fantasy madness, enter berserk state as barbarian, immune to
10 mind control
Intelligent hound: heightened senses, communicates like Lassie, faithful to and
11 protective of PC or NPC at low levels
Were-pixie: change triggered by factor such as lunar phase, sunspot activity,
12 equinox, etc., gains spells as MU when in pixie form

71
 d12 Gonzo Class/Race Options II
G Repo man: sent by trans-cosmic order to secure artifacts for return to alternate
1 dimensions, teleport at first level, comes with bag of holding and sidearm
Living vapor: damaged by magic, fire, must shelter from strong winds, etc., but
2 otherwise invulnerable to standard physical attack, spell-like powers as MU,
must interact w/physical objects by proxy, inscrutable
Reincarnate: deceased high level sorcerer takes over body of young ancestor,
3 unable to memorize spells, but can cast from spell books/scrolls w/experience
Moon man: luminous eyes as light spell at first level, additional moon powers
4 w/experience, equipped with moon-metal weapons: maximum damage vs.
lycanthropes, undead, moon creatures
Harpooner: nautical monster-hunter/big game specialist, expert at improvised
5 anti-monster contraptions, Queequeg w/ broader experience
Half-ape: strength/agility bonus, intellectually negligible, 50% chance to forget
6 about weapons in combat, easily rattled, frequent alcohol abuse
Transhuman: hyper-evolved, tall and bald w/extended fore brains, psychic,
7 totally non-violent (not above instigating indirect violence, naturally)
Star explorer: marooned on D&D-type worlds, kit includes non-rechargeable
8 ray gun, laser knife, food pellets, seeks means of interstellar travel/
communication
Corruption: former high level MU/scientist reduced to level one abomination by
9 experiment gone awry as in The Fly
Feral human: expert at survival, improvised traps, sneak attacks, stealth,
10 receptive language skills only, flees at the drop of a hat
Agent of Law: magic resistance starting at level one, charged by Prime Mover to
11 hunt chaos, destroy the arcane, vulnerable to loss of sanity
Ooze man: native to distant star, pliable sack of protoplasm able to form body
12 into useful shapes (keys, bludgeon, crowbar, etc.), very fond of humans who
remind them of nano-cephalic hominoid servitors native to homeworld

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d12 Gonzo Class/Race, Additional

Disembodied brain: spell-like abilities, must be toted in ichor-filled jar by
1 servitor/ally at low levels, crafts increasingly awesome golem-like housings
w/experience
Sun-dweller: covetous and capricious man-shaped flames, grows in brightness,
2 size and power until able to sustain itself for journey to nearest star to
complete reproductive cycle
Black otter: swift, sleek and deadly man-sized intelligent weasels, able to learn
3 use of human weapons w/experience
Looter: expert smash and grab artists, unmatched abililty to flee the scene, XP for
4 aquiring loot w/out bloodshed
5 Smilopithecene: saber-toothed hominid, ferocious, poor impulse control
Hireling: XP granted for torches carried and treasure hauled, unerring trap
6 detection w/advancement
Underworld Ranger: skilled in underground/preternatural environent survival,
7 tracking, tactics
Ghost: incorporeal remnant of fallen character, fear power (as spell) at level one,
8 XP for scaring the hell out of things
9 Half-shoggoth: sustains man-shape most times, shoggs out when rattled
Anthropomorphic bluejay: vicious and fearless, eternal enmity w/
10 anthropomorphic ducks and penguins
Slug folk: occasionally deranged slug folk join adventures, an excretion for any
11 occasion
Dungeon philosopher: must defend thesis for advancement, see In the
12 Philosopher’s Spell Book

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 d12 Gonzo Footwear
G Boots of automatic fleeing: sense precariousness of wearer’s life energies, force
1 involuntary retreat at need
Shock socks: walking for one hour in these outlandish woolen garments grants a
2 single lethal static discharge
3 Sandals of recklessness: magically induces feelings of invulnerability
Slippers of panache: impeccable leather shoes instantly grant considerable
4 charisma bonus
Mukluks of Imperviousness: protective guardian spirits woven right in to
5 elaborate design
Galarund’s Galoshes: wearer able to safely walk on (w/out sinking) any type of
6 mire, sludge, slough, mud, muck or morass
Crystal boots: besides looking awesome they repel spells of evil intent and
7 enhance helpful magics
Radiant moccasins of non-conformity: provide magical light and bolster personal
8 idiosyncrasies of wearer
Combat cleats: allows for attack bonus due to sure-footed stability and raking
9 kick attacks
Hip-waders of protection: remain dry and comfortable even in a deluge of
10 biblical proportion
Shoes of Hades: Bat-winged patent-leather loafers allow entrance into the realm
11 of the dead
12 Laser-pumps

74
 H

d12 Hard Times for the City Folk

1 Extortion by coven of powerful witches: sudden virgin depletion

2 City foundations undermined by unknown giant worm species

3 Virulent new strain of bread mold: mass psychedelic freak out

4 Currently inert titan slowly awakening beneath capitol dome

Giants handily defeat city guard, set up shabby encampment w/in walls, working
5 on new city charter
Workers uprising: garbage piling up, mass shortages, city guard refusing to carry
6 out heinous new measures
Recent slave mutiny put down by draconian measures: former duties undertaken
7 by city guard, now also near revolt
Poor attack strategy by city guard = black pudding infestation, population has
8 grown used to it
9 Preeminent local temple goes all Spanish Inquisition
The stars are right: significant % of population now openly evil cultists, mad
10 bacchanalia ensues
Ancient king returns from perpetual underworld quest, fulfilling prophecy, but
11 reincarnated in the body of otyugh
Ruling class (and known associates thereof) summarily executed: chaos reigns,
12 new beggar king crowned

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 d12 Haunting the Skies
H 1 Unidentified flying discs: actually bioluminescent aero-mollusks
Majestic mega-condor: soars at dizzying heights, domesticated for troop
2 transport by the mountain lords
3 Cloud striders: like daddy-longlegs on a titanic scale
Eclipsers: swarms of bat-like spirits ready, willing and able to create artificial
4 eclipses when the mood strikes them
Colossal aero-virus: patrols territory, spewing its foul seed on passing flocks of
5 birds, aerial creatures
The stratopus: octopoid creature of tremendous size, suspended aloft by inflated
6 gas-bag head, genius intellect, excellent camouflage
Ghost cloud: aggregate of disgruntled spirits joined together for maximum
7 mayhem
Storm seeders: flying reptiles, capriciously issue loads of silver iodide bile into
8 cloud banks
Sentient satellite: larger than average asteroid in low orbit, composition rich in
9 living metal, overwhelming multiple personality issues
10 Cirrocumulus formation of flying skulls, hallmark of the death god ascendant

11 Vicious falcon-man pterodactyl wranglers

Sky barge drawn by one million individually tethered hummingbirds in a
12 perpetual nectar-mist

d12 Hell’s Lesser Inhabitants

1 Anguish eaters amble clumsily about daddy longlegs-like

2 Imps of Frivolity screw around and crack wise about the terrible conditions

3 Evil bacteria fly around in thick swarms looking for fresh wounds

4 Collosal bloated couch riders of sloth: incapable of taking any action

5 Disturbingly beautiful flora of vanity blossom in between perpetual reapings

6 Stirges: it’s their Heaven

7 Diabolical souls who never follow through on anything scheme pointlessly

8 Venial spirits in crow-shape fight eachother over shiny objects

9 No longer idle, hordes of disembodied hands do devil’s incomprehensible work

10 Satan’s lap dogs: harvest bones at will, issue mocking laughter

Huge growths of vaguely human-shaped fungi wail piteously on horrific
11 steaming turd plain
12 Beetles w/agonized human faces scuttle to & fro gnashing teeth & vomiting alot

76
d12 How the Gang got Together
Inflicted upon one another by multidisciplinary team of deities w/unknown
H
1 agenda
Sudden trans-dimensional breach deposits all on campaign world of referee’s
2 choice
3 Met in queue for adventuring permits

4 Brought in separately by constabulary for variety of petty charges

At prominent aristocrat’s ball: some as guests, others as the help and/or for
5 larcenous purposes
6 Felicitous meeting after surviving (super-) natural disaster
Newly instituted draft by local regent requiring mandatory registration of all able
7 bodied adults, leaving future party members sequestered w/other “suspicious
persons”
8 Rounded up together in raid of den of ill-repute
Party arranged by cabal of power hungry sorcerers looking to acquire specific
9 antiquities
10 Various misfortunes land nascent adventurers in stint as galley slaves

11 In the belly of titanic monster on inter-planar binge-and-purge bender

Collectively signed up for valueless adventuring class given by crew of
12 doddering “old masters” as scheme to shore up dwindling retirement funds

d12 Human Frailties

1 Over-inflated sense of self importance skews perception of most events

2 Extremely literal minded: always missing the subtleties

3 Chock full of bigotries as suited to social status

4 Wandering mind: thoughts drift about unreliably

5 Little regard for personal hygiene

6 Bad teeth: frequently “edgy”

7 Short-term memory shot, long term fairly patchy as well

8 Supremely self-confident w/out regard to personal deficits

9 Habitual use of mood elevators, mellowing agents

10 Gluttonous over-indulgence in most earthly pleasures

11 Big mouth: rattles on endlessly, lacks proper “indoor voice”

12 Irrepressibly evangelical re: personal biases

77
 d12 The Humanoids Seem a Bit Weird Today
H Just been handed the pink slip: numbed and inattentive as they contemplate their
1 next move
Experimental new humanoid chow turns out to have unanticipated psychotropic
2 properties: urge to kill muted, beginning to think about settling down, perhaps
taking up a craft or developing hobbies (of evil)
3 Just had a huge meal: bloated, drunk and sluggish

4 Wages slashed: howling with rage and thirsty for blood

5 Frenzy of grief and anomie following a firm “request denied” by their cruel deity

6 Wounded, divided and demoralized after rather violent internal squabble

Receipt of shocking news from spawning grounds leaves them confused, off their
7 game
8 Virus going around that causes temporary insanity in most human-like species

9 Heavily ensorcelled to ensure robotic obedience

Scrawny, shagged out and partially stupefied by unreasonably long shifts and
10 shoddy feed
Jumpy, paranoid, terror-stricken over dark master’s newly promised and very
11 specific penalties for failure
In stitches due to dead-on and highly satirical portrayal of dark master by a
12 particularly talented member of the crew

78
 I

d12 I Tell You I Saw It Near the Steam Vents!

A crew of grey dwarfs installing unknown metal device with pipes running into
1 the earth
2 Giant viruses ambulating about spider-like
Huge balloon-like creatures bearing platoons of strange pale warriors in their
3 claws
4 Towering columns of molds and lichens tended by shell-less land mollusks

5 Fire giants taking a steam, served cocktails by stone boys

6 Mating rituals of chthonic worms

7 Hatchery of the stone boys and their indescribable queen

8 Heavily armed carapace men astride war trilobites

Men with hideously convoluted skin (like Chinese Shar Peis) chanting and
9 dancing in a frenzy
10 Innumerable white lizards crawling forth in waves, devouring everything in path
Gigantic crystalline structures visibly growing, attracting attention from
11 undesirables
A colossal man-form made of scintillating vapors, glowering menacingly toward
12 the city

79
 d12 Ill-advised Magical Researches
I 1 Sky Chariot (engines burn sacrifices to wind gods)

2 The Mana-rod (installed in brain)

3 Alchemy toward malleable solid demon-fire

4 Project: The sword that can split the atom

5 Hybrid: chimeroblepas

6 Mind-meld with dormant volcano god

7 Force field dome sans air supply

8 Spell: Ray of Treachery

9 Potion of Permanent Enslavement

10 Giant beacon to the star gods

11 Spell: Dispel Avarice

12 Project: Terraform Hell

d12 Ill-tidings from the Cleric’s Patron Deity

1 Disapproves of recent activities: tithe doubled until further notice
Enlightenment enhancement required: fasting, meditation, self flagellation
2 recommended
3 Order to meditate on particularly mind-bending paradox, issue report on findings

4 Bad connection: 1d4 extra hours of meditation required to restore powers

Message delivered by proxy: deity not available at this time, restores low level
5 spells only
6 Dogma redaction: error discovered, new dogma to follow
New covenant: sea change on divine level triggers total reexamination of cult
7 requirements
8 Brace for hostile takeover attempt from unknown pantheon
Automatic writing assignment, addendum to scriptures required for new
9 converts, deadline: tomorrow
10 Adjustment to proselytizing requirement: now thrice daily

11 New arch-enemy revealed, holy war immanent

12 Total loss of contact: god missing and feared destroyed

80
d12 In the Blasted Lands of the Fallen Moon
1 Anaerobicites: photon eating plankton of the moon
I
2 Ruined outpost of the observer aliens

3 Molten pool of space gold

Astral moon-folk, downcast and forlorn, gather the fossilized remains of their
4 bodies
5 Demesne of the currently inert moon god
Crater-dwelling moon crabs: huge, well-armored, extremely hardy, notably
6 sluggish in atmosphere
Sub-surface steam rooms of sea urchin-like star beings, highly intelligent,
7 involuntarily murderous
The Dark Siders: agency responsible for the moon-fall, strike from hidden sphere
8 astride land lobsters
Huge claw protruding from surface may reveal location of pre-moon-fall
9 dragon’s lair
Spontaneous emissions of moon radiation: promotes lunacy, triggers latent
10 lycanthropy, increased risk of lethal moon fevers
Ruins of pyramids revealed as laboratories for the creation and transmission to
11 earth of terror monsters
Small breeding population of Light Siders in stasis, protected by death-dealing
12 automatons

81
 d12 In the Philosopher’s Spell Book
I 1 Alter Opinion: instantly harmonizes disparate views or insinuates disagreement

2 Dispel Argument: renders opposing assertion null and void

Arinunio’s Inconspicuous Non Sequitur: success allows the user to sneak one by
3 opposition
4 Bolt of Enlightenment: save or stagger off to reexamine life

5 Huunenaur’s Stinging Refutation: no saving throw

6 Inescapable Web of Absurdity: save or suffer debilitating mental entanglement

Hargoov’s Hair-splitter: Stupefies opponent with barrage of meaningless
7 objections
8 Exploding Straw Man: save for half damage
Glamocles’ Expeditious Reductio ad Absurdum: success induces shame,
9 humiliation and the derision of one’s peers
Defang Ideology: deactivates critical faculties in subjects, primes them to
10 swallow bill of goods
11 Mass Consensus: gallon of wine per subject required as material component
Create Truth: adds single new aspect to reality, fundamentally changing the
12 universe for good or ill, rarely successfully cast, miscast erases all trace of the
philosopher from the space-time continuum

d12 In the Sorcerer’s Overnight Bag

1 Vellum document w/official ransom information in several languages

2 Earthenware sphere containing weaponized virus powder in padded box

3 Ogre-musk eau de toilette: predatory monster repellent

Mini-scroll and crystal magnifying lens: select High Atlantean readings in
4 microscopic print
5 Sealed glass jar: living tissue specimen in preservative ichor for cloning project

6 Travel-sized surgical kit

7 Pillbox with fast-acting suicide capsules

8 Small bag of bones: illusion conceals emergency gem cache

9 Disassembled death ray pistol: one shot remaining in battery

10 Silk bag w/ fake protection charms: distributes to “allies” for cheap laughs

11 Spare set of outlandish undergarments

Small skin-bound volume w/pen and ink: personal log of evil written in invented
12 language

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d12 In the Witch’s Workshop

1 Hansel and Gretel: stuffed, trussed and aging in a closet
Rather large talking frog in a slough-filled tub: has memorized the entire
2 Encyclopædia Britannica (1901 edition)
Potpourri burner filled with demon bile over a low flame: indescribably offensive
3 odor but somehow invigorating (temporarily enhances constitution) if
exposure lasts 10 minutes
Full suit of skin from a farmer’s daughter w/a selection of authentic yet beguiling
4 outfits

5 Bat winged cloak (non-magical but awesome)

6 Magical shoes that allow the wearer to surmount and run along moon beams
Twenty foot long python w/black fur and the head of a cat curled up in front of
7 the hearth

8 Dead triffid drying upside down from ceiling: being cured for smoking purposes
Binoculars with large vat-grown eyes instead of lenses: press against forehead to
9 use

10 Elaborately woven bed crafted of briers and brush covered with wicked thorns
A variety of living brains in ichor-filled ceramic vessels hooked up to Rube
11 Goldberg machine that automatically awakens the witch at sundown and
prepares an unmentionable breakfast
Gads the headless valet, stitched back together and reanimated after some
12 unfortunate incident, serves refreshments and tidies up

83
 d12 Inside the Giant’s Curio Cabinet
I Interesting selection of (dented) human-sized helmets arranged in order of
1 perceived awesomeness

2 Bag filled with fist-sized pills: headache remedy crafted by ogre witchdoctor
Fancy spell book: sub-literate scrawlings throughout, he doodled all over the
3 spell inscriptions

4 Tear-stained ancient ceramic urn containing ashes of giant ancestors

5 Necklace of giant baby teeth strung on cord (gift from mother)

6 Stolen sculpture collection: 100% naked ladies

Charmingly naive charcoal self-portraits on stretched skins: concealed within
7 cave bear fur portfolio

8 Cork-stoppered bottle of giant’s cologne: indescribably offensive

9 An enchanted buckler (appealingly shiny and reflective) on a crude display stand

Giant’s emergency dental kit: over sized hammer and vicious-looking pliers
10 rolled in skins

11 Shabbily folded stack of spare large sacks

12 Huge rough-hewn stone dice (dodecahedrons, as it happens)

84
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d12 The Intelligent Dragon’s Current Obsession

Development of draconic haute cuisine: has filed talons into precision food prep
1 implements
Composition of epic poem celebrating self and accomplishments while
2 minimizing those of rivals, scribes on staff to take dictations
Negotiating complex treaties w/two-bit human lords and then gleefully pulling
3 the rug out from under them
Dungeon extortion racket: legwork carried out by deputized hench-monsters,
4 doesn’t really pay off but provides amusing bedevilment
Health and wellness: meditation, (human) juice fast, brutal exercise regimen w/
5 charismatic personal trainer/guru in residence
Interior cave design: multi-tiered water features, sculpted and enhanced columns,
6 stalactites and stalagmites, attractive fungi arrangements, etc.
Exotic creature husbandry: extensive menagerie maintained by staff of expert
7 monster wranglers
Researching theoretical means of draconic space travel, intends to capture moon
8 for dragon-kind
Trying hand at designing self-aggrandizing monumental architecture: still
9 hatching schemes to acquire requisite host of slave laborers
Amassing preeminent library of esoteric knowledge, several demon librarians on
10 staff, hiring buyers/thieves

11 LARPing w/bored vampire guests and lich acquaintance: likes to play halflings
Recently sworn off frivolous obsessions: right back to default treasure hoarding/
12 virgin eating

85
 d12 The Isolated Village has a Dark Secret
I 1 Built upon ancient halfling burial ground
Barley fields must be soaked in sacrificial blood: every crime or misdemeanor
2 carries death penalty
Dark lineage dating back to antediluvian civilization, secretly keep traditions
3 alive, hatch schemes to depopulate region, stockpile poisons
4 Ubiquitous witchery: hexes and charms fly about willy nilly

5 Rampant perversity after nightfall, outsiders welcome

6 New generation of children preternaturally intelligent and fully in charge

Universally shared mutation: second mouth in chest concealed by tunic, mutter to
7 each other in unknown language
8 Lycanthropy = STD

9 Celebrate monthly festival of murder

Militia drills by moonlight, seems to practice human wave tactics, visiting
10 commanding officers of dubious aspect
Population descended from crashed starship crew, deranged captain kept
11 artificially alive in forbidden hall
Whole village front for criminal enterprise: import/export contraband to
12 subterranean enemies of humankind via entrance to underworld beneath
grand mead hall

86
d12 It Luxuriates in the Great Caldera
1 Gestating giant sun-dweller egg
I
2 Ice titan on holiday loosens up strained muscles, sips drinks

3 Anaerobic bacterium the size of a house

4 Smoldering coal-cranes hunt flame-tongued cinder frogs

Blossoming garden of silicon-based vegetation including several black trees full
5 of cherry-bombs
6 Team of lava dogs harnessed to sledge await the return of their master

7 Huge flaming ape

Antediluvian sorcerer-king in stasis, suspended in semi-permanent globe of
8 invulnerability
9 Sentient vapor: uses caldera as base of operations for terrorizing surface dwellers

10 Super-colony of adamant wasps

Colossal manta ray-like thermophage prevents massive eruption by constant
11 feeding, defends self with jets of volcanic gases via dorsal vents, extrudes
raw gems
Giant fire god dying of old age: immobilized by the ravages of eons, willing to
12 whisper secrets to the reverent

d12 It’s on the Ceiling!

1 d100 Swords of Damocles

2 City of the Intellectual Bats

3 Manhole-like trap door to maintenance level

4 Tapestry of webs depicting events in spider history

5 Stalactite pueblo dwellers: evil dungeon fairies

6 Adventurers impaled on barbed spikes

7 The furniture: nailed up by prankster

8 Alarming amount of dripping water and muddy seepage

9 Pulsating illumination from strange glass tubes in metal fixtures

10 Shriekers!

11 Eyes (d1000)

12 Hand-chiseled diagram of dungeon level

87
 d12 Items Hidden in the Evil Priest’s Vestments
I 1 Emergency back-up holy symbols representing alternate faiths

2 Stolen documents from rival sect detailing planned acts of terrorism

Ritual tattooing kit designed for maximum mortification of the flesh, excruciating
3 discomfort
4 Medallion w/secret sub-cult insignia for ID purposes
Hastily scrawled notations in mini-commonplace book re: recent troubling
5 dreams, waking visions, possible interpretations
6 Miniature censer and dried herbs for sacramental inhalations
Disguise kit for escaping otherwise hopeless situations: robe reversible w/smart
7 seersucker interior, finely crafted false nose, extravagant fake mustache
In small pouch around neck: ash and tiny bone fragments retrieved from
8 sacrificial incineration of former allies/family members
9 Rune-inscribed razor and empty vials in small leather case for ritual phlebotomy
Wooden tally stick w/hash marks for each soul successfully delivered to wicked
10 deity
Keys to sub-temple level: armory, treasury, secret library, stockpiled provisions
11 for prolonged siege, demi-living guardian zealots
Packet of enchanted incendiary pellets for emergency self-immolation, mint
12 condition (one tends to save this option for unimaginably dire circumstances)

88
 I

d12 Items of Moderate Interest in the Ogre-King’s Hoard

1 Accumulation of scalps: tacked to wooden pole in stand
Bronzed baby teeth of forgotten aristocrat and several shiny coat buttons in half-
2 crushed box
Crude portrait of infamous ogre lord of the distant past on stretched skin of some
3 kind and wrapped in furs
Small cubes of dehydrated hero blood in ceramic vessel marked with an X,
4 prescribed by witch doctor for flagging virility
5 Braid from frost giant’s beard taken in anger

6 Exquisitely rendered stone sculpture depicting seductive ogress in repose

Taxidermy collection of deceased pets: 2-headed hell hound, favorite slave ape,
7 goblin body guard, all in ferocious poses
Rare yet essentially worthless collectible stone-carved miniature knights and
8 castles, roughly handled, paint chipped, fair+ condition
Junior-sized training cudgel: blood-stained, dotted with skull fragments, cracked
9 down the middle
One set of ogre-size formal wear: dress loin clout, fine fur shoulder wrap, huge
10 leather boots, thick black girdle with shiny buckle
Cask of aged fungus liquor: subtle, loamy aroma, intriguing flavor profile, lethal
11 to humans
Sold to the king as The Coprolites of the Gods, probably just a box of roughly
12 cylindrical rocks

89
J

d12 Just Getting in the Dungeon is Brutal

1 Must drain chalice of hot poison for magical entry, saving throw required
Via the Queen’s magic mirror which leads to the dragon’s magic mirror, wher-
2 ever he’s keeping it these days
3 Teleported in by anointing head with the blood of the Ogre Czar

4 Pass through permanent dimension door at the top of a 1000 meter tree
Locate dungeon door only in dream state induced by exceedingly rare cave fun-
5 gus that grows on hell hound droppings
6 Leap through the top floor window in the Spider-lich’s spire
Mega-swarm of moon moths provide lift to cloud door if first charmed by series
7 of elaborate rituals w/plenty of dancing and blood sacrifice
8 Navigate reeking sewer-maze beneath the city of extinct titans

9 Only known entrance at the base of inverted pyramid on the moon

10 An arch-devil must agree to show you the way

Unlocked door in the wall of cavern thousands of feet beneath the ocean surface,
11 ancestral burial ground of the intelligent cephalopods
Monumental excavation effort requiring huge labor force toiling night and day
12 for months, all the while terror-mummies claw their way up from the deep sands

90
 K

d12 Knights Best Avoided

Sir Blagdor the Irrepressible: hyper-alert for anything remotely resembling a
1 challenge, likes to strip off armor for bare-knuckle brawling, Greco-Roman
wrestling, wears bejewelled championship girdle of ogre power
The Knight of Green Malaise, cursed to constantly exude verdant mist of
somnolence, emerges from preternatural lassitude whenever PC warriors
2 begin to come into their strength and need knocking down a peg or two,
returns to mystic lair for a good fortnight’s slumber
Sir Chandox, clandestine relationship with shipping guild and several other
3 commercial enterprises, pursues quests as suggested by board of trustees to
maximize war profiteering opportunities
Sir Orostu, the elephant-riding knight: serves the Lords of the Savannah and
4 honors them by challenging all comers to exceedingly lopsided jousts,
Guanto the elephant wields massive flail w/trunk
Ignossus of the Waxing Moon: very tall, slender, hairless and gray w/pale yellow
armor, claims to act on behalf of lunar monarchy to defeat and demoralize
5 earth men, spouts off about coming invasion and makes elegant arguments for
humankind to just throw in the towel
Sir Farsifal the Lecherous: clumsy practitioner of courtly love, instantly smitten
6 by undying devotion again and again, ruthlessly terminates perceived rivals,
enemies everywhere
Sir Nosar the hill giant knight: created by highly irresponsible monarch just
7 to increase regional mayhem, clad in fabulously huge custom plate, jousts
unmounted, notches in ebon club indicate unmatched duelling record
The Knight Impostor: unknown champion of chaos w/illusionist ally, huge
8 collection of helmets, shows up in guise of famous knights (or PC warriors)
to sow confusion and sully reputations
Sir Hedrick the Clueless: incredible self-confidence matched only by intellectual
limitations, seldom comprehends current situation but always pretends to,
9 famously gullible, hapless patsy in many outrages engineered by the wicked,
speech consists entirely of catchphrases picked up over the years
Sir Throndos, Champion of the Accused: misguided sense of justice, demands
10 trial by arms to prove innocence of even the demonstrably evil, really quite
good at most types of fighting
Sir Haknoth the Insufferable: humility snuffed out by unbroken string of
11 victories, you know he’s boasting wildly if his lips are moving, trolling for
duels 24/7, colossal mace, bad breath
The Dead Knight: seemingly animated by pure devotion to duty, continues
12 to serve crown and country despite having fallen in battle long, long ago,
martial skill unaffected by advanced state of decomposition

91
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d12 Last Known Appearance of the Rogue Sorcerer

1 Levitated straight up into the stratosphere
Snapped bonds with superhuman strength and smashed the skulls of guards en
2 route to public execution, escape obscured by sudden profusion of stinging
mist
3 Stood atop racing smilodon, tossed guards aside, surged through city gates
Fled into the night w/many scrolls tucked beneath arms while Royal Library
4 burned
5 Plunged gracefully into gaping maw of colossal worm while laughing maniacally
Shouted insults from battlement of private tower before the whole thing
6 disappeared in maelstrom of blue luminance
Issued incoherent screed in public square, exploded in fiery flash after brief Q &
7 A w/witnesses, coalesced into vast vaporous form over city, dissipated
Stabbed baron in back with poisoned blade at ceremony, vaulted city wall in
8 single bound
9 Naked and muttering, staggered off into the wilderness
Body dangled limply while carried off on devil wings suddenly erupted from
10 back
11 Over the course of days slowly became invisible and inaudible
Swelled to over fifty feet in height, issued contemptuous farewell, strode off
12 toward the mountains

93
 d12 Less Popular Magic Items
L
1 Brazier of Infinite Imps: new imp arises every 10 minutes

2 Helm of Obscuration: proof against psychic attacks, temporarily blinds/deafens

3 Wand of Filth, Dust and Cobwebs

4 Potion of Levitation, effect permanent

5 Flask of Instant Intoxication: lasts entire game session

6 Magic Shield w/ mouth motif: screams out “RED ALERT!” when monsters near

7 Boots of Silence and Severe Blistering

8 Helm of Foreknowledge: imparts suicidal ideations

9 The Pot of Porridge Inexhaustible

10 The Panic Blade (save or flee)

11 Circlet of Inconsolable Weeping

12 Resplendent Pantaloons of Flamboyance

94
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d12 Lesser Known Pocket Universes

The Seventeen Swamps of Serenity: voted down repeatedly for incorporation
1 into the Seven Heavens, afterlife reward zone for all good sentient
amphibians, reptiles, jellies
The realm of chrome and steel: shiny, highly polished 1980’s airbrush-world w/
2 liquid steel flora and fauna
The Hell of Bitterest Regret: the whiniest, mopiest most depressing zone
3 imaginable filled with totally self-absorbed spirits all trying to out-suffer each
other
Sorcerer/scientist’s control group universe: proving ground for new and
improved technologies and magics, introduced populations of clones of
4 various species, starting to develop independent cultures (driven by inter-
species warfare)
Epidermia: rolling plains of flesh under blood-red skies, happy grazing grounds
5 for all manner of intelligent mites, ticks, chiggers and other parasites
Sphere of lucid dreams: terrain, events and denizens shaped by whatever minds
6 might enter
Halloween world: populated entirely by goblins, witches, villains, movie
7 monsters and horror hosts, every house is haunted, every cauldron bubbles
over with evil
Mischievia: a spiritual realm whose impish occupants speak nothing but jokes,
8 plot nothing but pranks
9 The Cosmic Hive: an insect heaven of perpetual blissful buzzing
Sphere of internment: a truly maximum security facility housing troublemakers
10 from a million universes, can be entered by powerful sorceries but no one has
left yet
Domain of the First Cause: infinite thrumming being of white light in repose, due
11 to singular nature will immediately annihilate the current reality to set off big
bang if somehow awakened
The Dungeon-verse: near infinite network of doors, corridors, rooms, tricks,
12 traps, monsters, and treasures without intelligible purpose, the sub-creation of
a capricious god since assassinated by his peers

95
 d12 The Lich’s Current Love Interest
L Rosy-cheeked young offspring of yeoman farmer, embodies all the qualities long
1 since sloughed off by the lich
2 Spouse of prominent regional leader

3 Dragon w/human mind trapped within

Irrational fixation on particularly ravishing subhuman, causing shame, guilt and
4 abundant inner conflict
5 Extremely charming and evil halfling

6 Heretical obsession with arch bishop of Church of Law

Memory of long-deceased heir to antediluvian monarchy, soul unavailable for
7 reincarnation
8 Saves up love to lavish upon animate mummified cats

9 Devoted to incredibly decrepit senior citizen of astonishing longevity

Love-struck at first sight by the most charismatic PC (in the event of a tie, the
10 lich just can’t decide which one to love more)
11 Ghost of a pre-human scientist

12 Anything that moves

d12 The Lich’s Downtime Activities

1 Research and development: new and improved phylacteries

2 Psychologically tormenting inferior underlings

3 Reincarnating ancient high priest for consultation re: superior unholy rituals

4 Inhaling the poisonous vapors of N’kash

5 Heated psychic teleconference with highly opinionated demon prince

6 Restoring tissues in soothing protoplasmic bath

7 Reorganizing collection of skulls for optimum necromantic feng shui

8 Self-installation of fresh eyeballs and optic nerves

9 Fondling personal heap of golden riches while laughing maniacally

10 Job interviews with exceptionally evil chief of staff candidates

11 Impatiently awaiting delivery of eldritch artifact via homunculus package service

Contemplating suicidal end to futile existence…but only for a moment!
12 Roll again

96
d12 The Lich’s Guest List
L
1 The Queen of the Sewer and her revolting hangers-on

2 Count Hluhlu: incomprehensible outer being posing as aristocrat

3 The pre-human ghost cabal

4 The Dastardly Gourmet and his menu of mind-control

5 Field Marshall Vlok the hill giant genius and his mixed-giant entourage

6 The godfather of organized banditry (incognito)

7 Vilizatra, The Perilous Grand Dame (she-mummy using cosmetic illusions)

8 The Face Stealer: identity thief of highest ambition

9 The Think Tank: 12 linked wizard heads in anti-necrotic soup

Autocrat X, the unknown lord (rules additional kingdom as The Lord in the
10 Mask)
11 Mighty Kukrakka, the cephalopod king’s ambassador

12 The astral form of Adolf Hitler

note: roll several times and assume they all hate each other equally

d12 The Lich’s Secret Identity

1 Filthy street urchin w/unsettling stare

2 Continuously drunken petty noble w/penchant for provoking peers

3 Kindly hedge wizard, always offering to aid and advise fledgling adventurers

4 Travelling minstrel who ruthlessly satirizes the powers-that-be

5 The mysterious “druid” seen stalking the king’s forest

6 Mild-mannered yeoman farmer who recently inherited ancient farmhouse

Court torturer: famous throughout the land for extracting secrets w/100%
7 accuracy
8 Perpetually masked guild master of assassins

9 Foppish dandy said to be extraordinarily successful philanderer

10 Extremely helpful librarian at the Royal Scroll & Tome Repository

11 Preternaturally attractive young aristocrat looking for marital prospects

Foreign dignitary representing largely unknown empire from somewhere beyond
12 the edge of the campaign map

97
 M

d12 Magic Sword Awesomizer

1 Blade vibrates like electric knife, negates armor bonus of opponent
So wickedly awesome to view when drawn (accompanied by extra-loud
2 Hollywood TSHIIING!) weaker foes must check morale or reconsider
engagement
Mighty chop can sunder any single object in twain (up to the size of a house or
3 small bridge): success destroys the weapon

4 Emits gale-force winds against enemy missile fire once per day
Chaotic component of blade breaks bonds of iron molecules, speedily corroding
5 arms and armor of enemies
Shrieks obscenities in ancient language, timed to disrupt concentration of
6 attackers
Spell-cleaving: once per day may chop an active spell out of existence
7 (examples: extinguishing a fireball in mid-flight, hacking off lightning bolt)

8 May be hurled once per day with deadly accuracy and significant damage bonus
Dazzlingly shiny and selectively reflective, opponents cannot look directly at
9 wielder
Can be commanded to self-destruct, will begin counting backwards from 100,
10 explodes with extremely destructive force upon reaching zero
Ghost blade made for trans-planar warfare, only gives mortals the chills, works
11 beautifully against the incorporeal
Reality hack: arcane energies may be permanently spent for emergency hack
12 through substance of material plane, allowing for escape/travel into the aether

99
 d12 Manifestations of the Sorcerer’s Derangement
M Broad mugging and overacting of a silent movie villain plus ear-piercing shrieks
1 and stream of consciousness rants at top of lungs, sweaty, bug-eyed
Overwhelming obsession with sub-atomic matters, scrawls equations
2 everywhere, wears microscopic eyepiece 24/7
Hell-bent on mission to improve sensory awareness: currently preparing for self-
3 surgical installation of giant multifaceted bug eyes
So steeped in the esoteric has lost ability to even comprehend mundane matters
4 anymore, forgetting to eat/sleep/bathe
Manic pursuit of bigger and better explosions leaves hideout a smoking ruin,
5 plans to soon blow up something really big, issues near continuous crazed
laughter
Megalomaniacal devotion to remaking the world in his/her image starting with
6 mountain-sized statues (scale models fill laboratory)
Unfortunate loss of basic bodily function control, walks around with big streaks
7 on gown while dictating wild new theorems to amused homunculus scribes
Successful research expanded list of arcane power words considerably, now
8 indiscriminately peppers his sentences with them, surviving staff walked out
weeks ago
Intruding alien personality constantly interrupts normal speech w/scathing
9 criticism, alternate opinions, mockery
Receiving direct transmissions from the future w/instructions on which current
10 political figures must be assassinated, summoning beings from the dimension
of hate to carry out hits
Involuntary high speed spewing forth of esoterica and erudition in a highly
11 educational, well organized screed
Swallowed by black hole of paranoia, has killed retainers, is planning on
12 launching preemptive strike on closest allies

100
 M

d12 Messages Intercepted from the Underworld Courier Service

1 Note from kidnapper with instructions for delivery of ransom

2 Order for resupply of foodstuffs for underworld catering service

Receipt for powerful magical artifact signed by vampire curator of museum of
3 antiquities
4 Plea for clemency to particularly vicious underworld bigwig

5 Advertising circular for Captain Ossbagh’s Freelance Dungeon Muscle service

6 Demand for return of territories improperly seized by troll brotherhood

7 Totally defiant and obscenity-laced response to extortion attempt

Request to domestic service for new valet with apologies for former servant’s
8 ghastly fate
9 Tear-soaked missive from spurned lover of high-born giantess
Tally of losses incurred due to escaped horror and heated request for
10 remuneration
Long letter from sorcerer to fellow black arts practitioner detailing necromantic
11 experiments
Simple directions to the City of Uttermost Darkness with instructions for
12 avoiding the mind-bending hazards en route

101
 d12 This Monster’s Got a Charming Side
M
1 Anomalous yet beautiful singing voice

2 Has overlarge, plaintive child-like eyes

3 Inordinately protective of underlings/henchmonsters

Extremely polite and respectful, conducts itself w/the utmost honor before and
4 after devouring adventurers

5 Lovingly raising brood of monsterlings

6 Has somehow amassed a rather impressive fine art collection

7 Cuddly, affectionate, dog-like relationship w/dark master

Has taken the time to carefully decorate lair according to its incomprehensible
8 tastes

9 A certain indefinable je ne sais quoi

10 Exhibits gentle curiosity toward small animals, halflings

11 Has a pet that it cherishes (see Unusual Dungeon Pets - pg. 170)
Accepts nothing short of unconditional surrender but will listen thoughtfully and
12 appear to entertain terms before rejecting them utterly

102
d12 Mountaintop Wonders and Perils
Incomprehensible discourse of the mountain gods continuously echoes about:
M
1 causes bewilderment, psychosis
Giantess colony: immortal daughters of forgotten gods, keeping alive ancient
2 arts of monumental sculpture and man-hunting
Ancient temple to the space gods, constant stream of sorcerers make pilgrimage
3 while attempting to assassinate one another
Surface team of deep dwarfs, tectonic engineering division: using explosives to
4 sheer off vast chunks of mountain side

5 The Golf Course of the Gods

6 Yeti ascetics hovering about in lotus position

7 Wind Czars locked in eternal warfare with the Emirs of Stone

Sorcerer oversees undead minions construction of iron structure housing giant
8 lenses: hopes to soon destroy moon for a purpose only he understands

9 Avalanche-surfing ice devils

10 Aurora Lethalis: sentient and indiscriminately malevolent

Hidden Dionysian society of mountain vintners and their brews: healing,
11 enlightening and intoxicating
Prospectors from space have struck rich veins of desirable elements, preparing to
12 signal mothership

103
 N

d12 Nature Goes Haywire

Unexplained lightning plague: near-continuous strikes on even cloudless days,
1 woe unto the armored warrior on a treeless hilltop
Chaos-demon strikes down the god of physics: gravity gets weird, among other
2 effects
Unpredictable gusts of wind capable of tossing full grown men about like leaves,
3 sky gods unresponsive to campaign of blood sacrifice

4 Quirk of evolution leads to advent of extremely prolific laser-mice

Oceanic waters gradually congeal, translucent membrane develops as does a
5 singular intelligence
Sudden release of subterranean gas triggers extinction event: domesticated
6 animals
Colossal fungal puffball swells to gross immensity then explodes, scattering
7 millions of spores into the atmosphere, growths already taking over planted
plots, covering rooftops, etc.
Meteors ridden by thrill-seeking demon cowboys zoom crazily about leaving
8 panic and mayhem in their wake
Sky turns purple, clouds appear as glowering faces, strange thunders boom as
9 never before, 1/3 of the population goes crazy and dies
Glacier w/conspicuous ice ramparts and battlements cruises at speed into
10 temperate zone toward imperial capital

11 Everyone wakes up one morning to find thousands of weird eggs everywhere

12 A fire of unknown origin takes babies away

105
 d12 Newly-bred Henchmonsters and Utility Beasts
N Distillery beast: consumes mass quantities of fruits & grains, excretes brandy,
1 liquor

2 Restraintopus: land cephalopod trained to act as living manacles

3 Giant shipping/receiving mantis

4 Pyramid-building apes: huge, incredibly strong and unnaturally agreeable

5 Aggressively territorial honey bees w/strong sleep-inducing sting venom

6 Butterfly w/20ft. wingspan: adheres to host for single glorious flight then dies
Siege giant: even more dim-witted than usual, employs thick curling horns on
7 head for living battering ram effect
Hydra sphinx: repositories of knowledge w/1d12 heads, each the master of single
8 discipline/area of expertise
Messenger stirges: can only digest blood-based nutritive formula, fly patterns
9 from one feeding station to the next w/messages stapled to their rubbery
appendages
Wound-sucking leeches: anesthetizes, disinfects, extracts poisons if applied
10 expeditiously
Lap-beast: living balls of fur and teeth, snuggly, lovable and ferociously
11 protective of loved one
Major domo, reanimated: flesh golem-like but fine-tuned to exemplify quality of
12 service, impeccable taste, quiet dignity, the fuedal spirit

106
d12 Non-combatants of the Underworld
The Deep Surveyors: subterranean cult on never-ending mission to accurately
N
1 map entirety of underworld for an incomprehensible purpose

2 The philosophers of stone: serene and immovable

Mathematically inclined sessile mollusk men, the living calculators of the deeps,
3 in constant consultation with sorcerers, engineers and contractors

4 Bioluminescent stench farmers: inscrutible artistes of odor

Mentally-deficient and extremely cowardly scavenger men who flee before any
5 foe, regardless of perceived strength
Body builders of the deeps: so busy continuously flexing, lifting giant stones,
6 bending steel, and admiring each other they remain oblivious to most
everything
Fur devils: so cute and cuddly even hungry predators leave them alone, totally
7 non-violent but entirely evil
Recorder beasts: masses of goggling eyeballs scuttling around on spider legs, do
8 nothing but take in information, excrete crystalline matrices of encoded data,
easily slain
Halfling-sized bug men: master builders of underground cities, will not fight, but
9 hire excellent security forces
Gorgeous ones: demi-human race of uncanny dark beauty that primps and preens
10 to the exclusion of all other activities

11 Giant floating angel fish of the gas-pocket caverns

Self-flagellating Death God worshippers locked in bitter struggle for
12 enlightenment via protracted auto-annihilation

107
 d12 Now Occupying the Recently Depopulated Dungeon Area
N Giant tarantula has the place completely enveloped in webs, deposited egg sack
1 and scampered off before the cannibalistic little buggers hatch
Massive bioluminescent fungal bloom of every hue speeds decomposition of
2 deceased former denizens, continuously launching a noxious miasma of
spores

3 Cube jelly has oozed through the wall, now making a clean sweep of things
Battered bandit leader and remaining body guards in retreat from superior forces,
4 looking to hole up and lick their wounds
Hiding under whatever debris/corpses might be available, an escaped prisoner/
5 hostage
Owlbear meticulously grooming itself after run-in with acid pudding (absorbed
6 in its work and easily surprised), telegraphed by strong stench of partially
digested fur

7 Flock of land vultures doing what they do best

A pack of humanoid deserters in hiding from their dark masters and not averse to
8 temporary alliances
Frustrated lesser vampire displaced from lair, seeking the perfect spot for a crypt-
9 away-from-home
Swarm of hideous dungeon fairies busily constructing a new hive out of chewed
10 bones and saliva
Party of adventurers taking a break, busting out rations, draining wineskins,
11 arguing over map, cleric removing spear from dwarf, barbarian loudly
expressing his trust issues re: the wizard

12 Thousands upon thousands of flies

108
 O

d12 Obstacles and Hazards Indicated on the Treasure Map

1 The Exploding Fen

2 Tombland: landscape dominated by towering cairns of an extinct sentient species

3 Ferociously defended grazing lands of the bison men

4 The Great Mother Pudding

5 Head-hunter infested banks of Shark River

6 Blighted plain: a blasted moonscape teeming with ghosts

7 Semi-impassable Razor Cliff and the Poison Jungle beyond

8 Fog bank of bewilderment

9 Barrier rift featuring vertical ecology (alpha predator: giant dragonflies)

10 Savages whose stock-in-trade is man-leather

Plateau of extreme elevation, passable by strapping oneself to specially adapted
11 snow beasts

12 Steaming lava plain: mating grounds of the fire elementals

109
 d12 Occupants of the Colossal Ancient UFO Anchored to the Mountaintop
O Bat-winged dwarfs stream out at night fall to forage for raw materials, scrap heap
1 of ship’s walls, superstructure forms on the slopes below, they’ve got some
kind of weird project going on
Sorcerer’s bio-lab: on board technologies retrofitted into Frankensteinian
2 operation, results of experiments teleported to surface for eco-trials
Colossal spacemen inert upon their jump couches, may be revived by lightning
3 bolt defibrillation
Haunted by ghosts of space-weary sojourners, delighted to impart cryptic
4 knowledge
Warring deities from competing pantheons hoping to gain neo-Olympus-style
5 HQ
Hopeful sky pirates and hired arcane talent work to gain control of ship’s
6 functions: planning careers as bungee raiders
Taken over by necromancer and his all-skeleton crew who hopes to drag Earth
7 into the sun
Craft filled with water, set up to sustain aquatic life, original crew dead but their
8 native bacteria fared better, have made bold evolutionary moves
Countless broomsticks hover nearby: site of the First Annual World Witchcraft
9 Convention, by clandestine invite only

10 Interior filled with alien atmosphere: dire environmental consequences if released

Ship’s anchor line enveloped in spider silk, every exterior nook and cranny
11 acrawl w/giant arachnids drawn by a mysterious intelligence within
Occupants unknown due to ship’s defenses automatically disintegrating anything
12 that gets close

110
d12 Oddities of the Swamp
O
1 Cursed clan of amphibious dwarfs and their ruined city

2 Giant ceolacanth-like lungfish

3 Pocket-sized black puddings everywhere

4 Giant water beetle transportation and their fen-halfling masters

5 Saber-toothed fen rats

6 Flightless giant mosquitoes (feed upon swamp rhinos)

7 Tubers from giant cattail: increases vitality

8 All-knowing marsh pixie lives in mouth of colossal catfish

9 Semi-divine Wisetoad atop giant lily pad

10 Perpetually collapsing Underswamp

11 House-barge of the swamp-hag sister wives and their unholy brood

12 The Croc Rider, merciless masked avenger of the bog

d12 On or Around the Mighty Warrior’s Carcass

1 Unbelievable number of concealed daggers

2 Packet of herbal virility enhancer

3 Pot of analgesic body balm

4 Several pounds of high protein tusky behemoth jerky

5 Bottle half-filled with caustic war draught: enhances strength, endurance, ferocity
War log featuring crude drawings of various weird creatures followed by tally
6 marks

7 Fancy shaving kit w/trimmers, fine whale bone comb, mustache wax
Sealed tube containing professionally scribed document w/elaborate funerary
8 instructions

9 Stoppered vial of cauterizing agent: staunches blood when applied to wounds

10 Tincture of spider venom: builds immunity when sipped daily

11 Escape razor stashed in wrist wrappings

12 Mummified ogre ear on leather cord around neck: momento of early victory

111
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d12 On Devil Prince’s Escape-proof Isle...

Surrounding waters filled to bursting w/host of giant jellyfish in perpetual
1 feeding frenzy
Three-hundred foot vertical stone cliffs on all sides w/single heavily guarded
2 cave harbor, surface accessible via many-leveled subterranean complex
3 Surface 100% defoliated: frequent applications made by undead anti-gardeners

4 Herds of scantily fed giant man-eating swine patrol the barren open grounds
Maximum security cell block directly beneath keep w/garrison of 150 trained
5 sub-human warriors and command group of half-giants
Huge enclosure where prisoners construct colossal ebon step pyramid for an
6 unknown purpose
7 Current warden: ancient vampire sorcerer with impressive resume of atrocities
Slave drivers/guards: swine-mounted trolls with wickedly barbed tridents that
8 they hurl with deadly accuracy and surprising range
Perimeter scanned 24/7 by elite squad of sorcerers specializing in spells of
9 observation, vigilance and detection, from series of watch towers equipped w/
pre-charged fireball launchers, lightning guns, cloudkill grenades, etc.
When the mood strikes, the devil prince strolls the grounds, pausing for a bit of
10 sadism here and there
Perpetually anchored storm cloud casts gloom and erupts into showers of
11 punishing hail and lightning upon command from the warden
12 Aquatic security chief: dragon turtle

112
d12 The Oracle has Bad News
O
1 Despite your 10 ft. pole, you shall perish alone in a pit

2 In the blackest abyss you will understand that man cannot eat gold

3 Mark well your lover, who secretly hungers for the blood of the living

4 Your end comes slowly in the belly of a hungry god

5 Just after your greatest triumph you shall be blasted to tiny bits
A short scrawny man, naked but for loincloth and dagger, will totally hand you
6 your ass
7 Those jewels are glass

8 An indescribable horror will be your only companion

9 You shall writhe in perpetual torment in a personal hell of your own choosing

10 You must kill your friends before something worse happens

11 Your own arms and armor shall betray you

The oracle has determined you are fated to trigger the apocalypse, pretends the
12 future is too cloudy to read, notifies team of assassins as soon as you leave
the premises

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d12 Other Travelers in the Wilderness Caravan

Grim one-eyed aristocrat in cardinal-feather cape w/ enchanted long sword:
1 answering emergency summons of former ally, a possibly insane sorcerer
Iron-clad cleric and retinue of acolytes embarking on important dungeon-bash for
2 religious reasons
Marriage party of ravishing and technically still-eligible personage en route to
3 politically expedient nuptials in neutral citadel
Brew-master, bodyguards, and several casks of experimental new beverage
4 promising to revolutionize boozing forever: believes assassins hired by rival
on his tail

5 Lipps the dungeon dog breeder and his kennel wagon

Exhausted, wounded and profoundly psychologically rattled surviving members
6 of research team returning from archaeological expedition w/unanticipated
results
Destitute zealots attempting to locate newly founded mystery cult headquarters
7 in wilderness
Squad of plain-clothes assassins relieved after successful mission try to maintain
8 cover while dying to spend some of their ill-gotten riches

9 Off-duty caravan security team of rangers awaiting new assignment

Formidable warrior-priestess of the woolly neanderthals on wisdom quest among
10 the hairless ones
Extremely nervous courier trying to look inconspicuous: delivering shipment
11 from high end jeweler, strapped under clothes
Team of surveyors and engineers in the employ of would-be lord currently
12 depopulating swath of wilderness

114
d12 Outrageous Attire of the City Folk
O
1 Clothing decorated with delicately nurtured molds and fungi

2 Full body make-up + loincloth

3 Citizens festoon selves with bunko talismans of every description

4 Ridiculously baroque codpieces

5 A monocle for every occasion

6 Grotesque false noses

7 Peacock-like tail feather arrays

8 Mummified giant spider hats

9 Heavy bondage vibe: black leather, straps, buckles, spikes, dog collars, etc.

10 Men, women and children girded for battle 24/7

11 The measure of a man: mustachio size

12 Lowest caste in hierarchy: the pantsless ones

115
O

d12 Over-the-Counter Dungeon Unguents

1 Dragon balm: temporarily (like 10 minutes) reduces damage from heat/flame

2 Giant bug repellent: 75% effective against giant beetles, centipedes, and spiders

3 Gill wax: stuffed in nostrils, temporarily allows water breathing

4 Oil of command: temporarily improves charisma and smells awesome

Ol’ Fashioned exercise ointment : loosens muscles for temporary dexterity bonus,
5 reeks offensively, burns like hell

6 Bite lather: rubbed into poisoned wounds, arrests progress of most toxins
War wax: applied to full body, hardens on skin temporarily reducing combat
7 damage

8 Barbarian’s balm: temporarily reduces damage from cold/ice

Oil of invincibility: increases morale for all allies within smelling distance of the
9 anointed
Skull wax: applied to freshly shaved head, offers short-term protection from
10 psycho-spiritual attack

11 Salve of silence: often applied to shoes, noisy armor

Berserk’s butter: slathered on before combat, acts as analgesic, allowing subject
12 to fight 3 rounds after “death”
Note: These items range in price from the merely costly to the extremely
exorbitant. Availability limited by random die roll.

116
 P

d12 Pain in the Ass Treasures

1 Fully loaded treasure chest magnetically adhered to distant ceiling

2 Pot of gold magically suspended over yawning chasm

3 Platinum meteorite beckons from bottom of monster-infested subterranean lake

4 Famous magic spear sticking out of understandably irritated tyrannosaur

5 Bejewelled statue stored at bottom of deep spiked pit

6 Diamond-studded earring adorning ear of giant ape monarch

7 Fancy jewelled collar on attack-trained wyvern

8 Adamant statue brandishing powerful artifact in unshakable grip

9 Huge diamond on rocky outcropping in center of vast lava pool

10 Fire giant lord w/platinum dental grill

11 Tirelessly animate solid gold cheetah running loose

12 Jewels scattered over beach patrolled by amphibious orca

117
 d12 Partially Obscured Entries in the Stolen Spellbook
P
1 Vostaak’s Personality Nullifier

2 Involuntary Appetites of the Zombie

3 Sapheles’ Spectral Stiletto

4 Gaze of Oblivion

5 Ixlbane’s Incessant Annoyance

6 Fleeting Temporal Pause

7 Unsightly Propagation of Flesh

8 Undetectable Thought Intruder

9 Incantation of Arcane Reversal

10 Gholo’s Corrosive Vomit

11 Chuloo’s Cascading Shards

12 Explosive Geyser of Contagions

d12 Peculiar Laws and Customs of the City Folk

1 Compulsory singing of national anthem/fight song thrice daily

2 Incomprehensibly byzantine dietary restrictions based on astrology

3 Elaborate hand-jive accompanies all social interactions

4 Laughter forbidden: citizens strike themselves instead

5 Spectacle-addled society addicted to staged giant monster combats

6 All laws subject to debate when invoked, crowd adjudicates

7 First bite of food chewed and spat out to honor fallen homies

8 Greeting: slap in the face

9 Everyone wears see-through sarongs, PDA omnipresent

10 Unspeakable personal hygiene hallmark of high society

11 Mandatory meditation upon sounding of colossal gong

12 Gods venerated before, during and after every conversation

118
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d12 Phantasmal Irritants

1 A swarm of ghost bees

2 The extremely polite haunt who just wants to talk for hours and hours

3 The phantom mime: fortunately appears trapped in invisible cube of some kind

4 Spirit sage who dispenses unsound advice dressed up for maximum plausibility
Gloomy shades of viking-types who cannot locate Valhalla and would like
5 precise directions
6 Continuously baying pack of friendly spectral hounds

7 The pacifist poltergeist obsessed with making attacks go astray

Mournful spirits of philosophers debate cosmic minutia while seemingly unable
8 to comprehend their own deaths
Pack of disembodied accountants follows adventurers constantly measuring cash
9 flow, inventory (rations, torches, healing potions, etc.)
Trickster spirit promises to lead to treasure but delivers only the most extreme
10 dangers
The undead critic: follows party pointing out foibles, missteps and screw-ups
11 which it finds terribly amusing
12 Apparition of bard nearly done with epic poem, looking for feedback

119
 d12 Pithy Dying Utterances: The Fighter
P “My labors are at an end now. Farewell! Oh, by the way, I buried a good deal of
1 treasure near the...UURRK.”
“Alas, I am killed! But I now swear by the dark gods of uttermost night, my
2 shade shall harry our foes forever.”
3 “Patron deity/celestial realm, I am coming!”
“Behold, it is my end. But do me one final service. Take my most awesome
4 weapon and cast it into the body of water/lava where it shall never be
dishonored.”
5 “And so! It is bitter. Never again shall I slay and plunder...”

6 “I die. But why? Why was it not irritating party member?”

7 “My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my party.”

8 “It is a fitting end for such as I. Live by sword, die by the whatever killed him”
“I am finished. Only time now for one final war-shriek of defiance...
9 GLLAAIIIIEEEEEE!!!”
“No, not now! Not when there is so much more gold to hoard, so many wineskins
10 to drain, so many dark halls to plunder, so many . . .”
“Which one of you devils was supposed to pack the extra healing potion? Ha ha
11 *choke*”
“It was my honor to storm the gates of hell with you lot. Well, except for
12 irritating party member, who is a complete bastard.”

120
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d12 Planets in the Vicinity of the Campaign World

1 Planet of gold: plague of element-eating space worms devouring it rapidly
World of ruins: once a D&D-like world with shining cities, etc. until the
2 monsters won, currently in Monster Manual-derived analog to Earth’s Age of
Reptiles, human survivors reduced to cave dwelling
Planet made up of towering spiny protuberances with deep seething bio-valleys
3 between: cliff-dwelling aerial creatures predominate
Monad’s world: single super-powerful god jealously maintains illusionary
4 monotheism for sheep-like population, hosts of terrifying winged servitors
enforce commandments, root out interlopers
Perfect duplicate of the current campaign world, complete w/PC doubles driven
5 by uncontrollable urge to destroy the originals
Fortress world: leftover death star from some ancient space war, now occupied
6 by devolved descendants of original crew, still practice the art of blowing up
planets only now as a holy day ritual
Flaming sphere: spawning grounds for the sun-dwellers, titanic salamanders,
7 home of the socialist utopia of the lava men
Gas giant w/solid islands, ramjet propelled space crustaceans, inscrutable gas bag
8 beings
Planet of milk and honey: fresh and new, savagely protected by young feral gods,
9 current population: 2, garden contains plant species with miracle properties
that need stealing
Automatonica: irresponsible god creates artificial intelligence then abandons
experiment on this silicon-rich planet, weird mechanical replica of planetary
10 ecosystem results, still coming online, may soon decide that the universe
would be cleaner without all the biological units scampering around
The (wide) world of sports: highly competitive population of sentients work
11 hard, play harder, fields, tracks and arenas everywhere in the capitol
megalopolis, Championship City
Spheres of desolation: wiped clean of life by vengeful gods and left in their orbits
12 as a testimony to their power and authority

121
 d12 Pricey Merchandise at the Wilderness Outfitters
P
1 Owlbear taxidermy (one available): awesome pose, a bit of mange

2 Tinted smoke powder for long-distance signalling: 1d4 colors available

Troll call: flugelhorn-like instrument guaranteed to attract/distract bull trolls,
3 rather a steep learning curve
4 Bottled hill giant urine: repels many animals/monsters

5 Mountaineering boots w/toe-activated retractable claw mechanism

Gold-sniffing weasel: will make bee-line for nearest concentration of gold when
6 released
7 Giant spider silk rope: adheres to most surfaces, oil-treated gloves included

8 Torches infused w/a variety of fragrant essences

9 Dehydrated homonculi: release form required for purchase

Master trained monster-detecting falcon: 1 in 6 chance of betraying new owners
10 (flying off, leading in predators, etc.)
Lantern filled w/bioluminescent fluid harvested from living giant glow worm,
11 shake to activate, lasts 2d4 hours
Domesticated pork-fed troll fatback: a perpetual food source if byzantine
12 directions followed to the letter, saving throw required on initial consumption

d12 Psychoactive Gems

1 Increases intellect but erodes judgement

2 Induces hypnotic state of suggestibility

3 Bestows the gift of intense paranoia

4 Nullifies emotions

5 Compels owner to seek deepest recesses of the earth

6 Instills unquenchable gem-fever

7 Fans the flames of hatred and bigotry

8 Heightens mood to euphoria and beyond

9 Suppressed urges spectacularly released

10 Eradicates all sense of purpose

11 Imparts (additional) delusions of grandeur

12 Focuses consciousness entirely upon inevitable doom

122
d12 Puzzling Evidence in the Corridor
P
1 Shallow hole in wall with debris and broken pick lying nearby

2 An unidentifiable green stain on the floor, smells a bit

3 A still-smoldering torch

4 Heaps of recently deceased rats: not a mark on them

5 Loose flagstones in floor leading nowhere

6 Large “X” carved in wall

7 A half-melted sword

8 Abandoned nests of dungeon swallow colony

9 Very large fragments of purple eggshell

10 Clean bones of small animals arranged into incomprehensible patterns on floor

11 Claw-rent and useless steel chest plate

12 A huge earthenware dish half filled with dirty water

d12 Puzzling Documents Found Amongst Personal Effects

1 Diagrams for E-Z pyramid construction: secrets revealed!

2 Ancient vampire’s obsessive listing of 1000’s of victims (with ratings)

3 Schematic for trans-planar vehicle (pasted together from torn shreds)

4 Receipt for delivery of slaves signed by dragon’s proxy

5 Forlorn love letters from known lich in locked and trapped coffer

6 Stacks of paper money from unknown civilization

7 Ancient treatise on the distillation of hard liquor in a demonic script

8 Ledger indicating large payouts to local mercenary leaders

9 Map of walled city with notations on weaknesses, points of entry

10 The 400 page diary of a conspiracy theory-crazed graphomaniac

11 A book of recipes for Mastodons and other Pleistocene-type mammals

Log book of arcane experiments (subject: enhancing magical potency of fruit
12 flies)

123
 Q

d12 Quick Cultural Quirks: The Barbarian

1 Cycle of moon dictates bathing schedule

2 Strong oral tradition = a monotonous chant for every occasion

Ritual smoking of the pipe before, during or after just about every activity
3 (special equipment: pipe holster)

4 Belief that monies are essentially unsavory, must be spent as quickly as gained

5 Will only fight to the death, easily insulted to boot

6 Blood-bond ritual mandatory for all true comrades-at-arms

7 Minor self-mutilation as penance for surviving defeat

8 Once a blade is drawn, it is dishonored by returning to sheath unbloodied

Shades of fallen foes haunt the victor forever: attributes all misfortune to shade
9 interference
Only a fortnightly naked moon dance lasting several hours can control bad juju
10 build-up

11 Driven to continually challenge others to athletic competitions

Native tongue composed of animalistic hoots and hollers (battle-cry: chimp-like
12 shrieking)

125
 d12 Quick Cultural Quirks: Deep Forest People
Q
1 The prairie is terrifying: deep-seated horizon-phobia
Likes to sleep in high places: will go to great lengths to improvise off-ground
2 accommodations
3 Subject to psychosomatic infirmities when underground for extended periods

4 Will talk reassuringly to trees

Waste not, want not: sees the potential for future use in objects of little
5 discernible value
6 Instinctive guerrilla fighter: seeks cover/concealment, shoots and retreats, etc.

7 Heavy animist thinking: constant awareness of the spirits that inhabit everything
Minimal oral communication, esp. on duty but plenty of eyebrow signalling
8 (extremely garrulous when intoxicated)
9 No institution of marriage: all about the free love
Males: good hunters, frequently drunk, Females: can make anything out of deer
10 guts and plant fibers, also frequently drunk
11 Treats everyone not formally initiated into tribe as children
Distrusts the capricious spirits of metals and must appease them often: will not
12 carry anything bigger than a good spear point, prefers arms/armor of wood,
leather, and sinew

126
 Q

d12 Quick Cultural Quirks: Sophisticated Urbanites of Swords & Sorcery

1 Considers self to be unflappable having seen it all in the big city

2 Applauds the feudal spirit: actually quite fond of the help

3 Sensation seeker by habit if not inclination, unapologetic epicurean tastes

Prejudices against the unwashed masses too numerous to list, total ignorance of
4 agriculture and most means of production
Honors the gods as required by social mores but with little enthusiasm, heavy
5 sprinkling of moral relativism
Settles matters of honor with dagger duels or other mostly ceremonial means:
6 elaborate rules minimize lethality, its all about showing up (w/awesome
entourage decked out to the nines)
7 Master of all manner of parlor amusements: games of skill/chance, song, verse
Weds traditionally w/ much pomp but generally for social engineering purposes,
8 adultery discrete but frequent
Leisurely luncheon considered a vital restorative and will halt most activitities
9 (including dungeon exploration) for mid-day repast
Prone to bitter complaints when exposed to the elements, doesn’t know a tent
10 from a hole in the ground
Strong percentage chance of successfully faking way through conversation on
11 wide range of topics
Honors the hour at which it is customary for a gentleman/lady to partake of a
12 stiff one

127
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d12 Raise Dead: Weird Side Effects

1 Stress-induced catatonia: saving throw each combat/traumatic situation

2 Speaks 1d6 random new languages, forgets 1d4 previously known

3 Daily temporary random limb paralysis (1d4, 1: l. arm 2: r. arm 3 l. leg 4 r. leg)

4 Hears whispers from the spirit realm

Believes self to be reincarnated as a duck (or something equally absurd), despite
5 all evidence to the contrary
Heavy conversion experience to deity represented by presiding cleric, featuring
6 full-on zealotry, unsurpassed fanaticism
7 Food requirement doubled, no longer requires sleep

8 Ability to detach spirit from corporeal form at will

9 Detects spirit-world disturbances, undead at range

10 Super-heroic courage of the fatalistic self-sacrificing variety

11 Molts: must slough off and regenerate soft tissues one weekend/month

12 Stench of the dead: attracts flies, vermin

129
 d12 Random Ooze
R Crimson: transdermally desanguinates, urban predator that likes to hide under
1 beds, in walls of inns
2 Ultraviolet: invisible to humans, levitates

3 Amber: 1d20 attack psuedopods, highly nutritious if processed by dwarf-methods

4 Golden: only affected by magic weapons & spells, becomes treasure when killed

5 Silver: as golden ooze, but less valuable

6 Polymorphic: transforms into crude likenesses of creatures, objects

7 Azure: crackles with electricity, moves at thrice normal rate

8 Verdurous: incredibly enormous, photosynthetic, sage-like wisdom

9 White: able to roll up into ball and bounce impressively

10 Flaming: belches gouts of fire, perishes instantly if somehow extinguished

11 Translucent: swallows prey whole, violently expels bones of previous victims

Prismatic: strobing colors produces hypno-effect, also used for ooze-to-ooze
12 communication

d12 Re-animation Projects of the Chaotic Necromancer

1 Zombie army of giant ants set to demolishing annoying/undesirable cities
Select occupants of the imperial catacombs beneath the city-state including
2 famous conquerors, former heads of state, important philosophers (of evil)
Sorcerer/scientist assassinated just before completing work that reveals
3 fraudulence of the gods
4 Fully operational skeleton town, just for model railroad-like kicks

5 Towering aggregate zombie, sent to destroy wilderness tower of notable wizard

A pre-human god, secretly killed and interred by founding deities of current
6 pantheon
7 Squad of legendary assassins, current aristocracy extremely nervous
Breeding population of antediluvian proto-human stock, superior in most regards
8 w/ambition to match
9 Martyred religious figure: triggers massive cult revival
Captive think-tank of genius consultants from history, have already out-flanked
10 the necromancer with plans of their own
Arcane architect, designer of otherwise impenetrable deep levels of mega-
11 dungeon: prepping for incursion
Recently dispatched party of adventurers, don’t remember the TPK that got them
12 and (at least at first) look upon necromancer as kindly benefactor

130
d12 Recent Edicts from the Usurper King
Harvest festival cancelled due to mandatory training for unexpected launch of
R
1 industrial revolution
Based on horrifying reports, construction to begin on new giant anti-monster
2 walls w/huge extensible spikes, press gangs dispatched to round up workers
3 Exorbitant new adventurer tax to be levied on ne’er-do-wells entering city gates
Sunday shall henceforth be known as Gambling Day, observances at all local
4 temples
5 Thieves’ Guild officially disbanded, mass executions scheduled

6 Merrymaking now enforced by law

7 Strange and terrible new patron deity named, non-affiliated temples to burn
Commemorative statues of U.K. to be erected throughout city, summary
8 execution of all vandals
9 Now hiring: thugs and cutthroats sought for band of elite enforcers

10 Highly-trained security ogres assigned to every corner to ensure public safety

Switch to silver standard announced, gold must be turned in to nearest collection
11 station
Miss Usurper pageant to be held, entrants chosen by public beauty inspectors, up
12 to 100 winners will be selected for compulsory harem duty

d12 Reports Following Return from Negative Hit Points

1 Meet and greet w/ incarnations of selves past and future

2 Found self waiting in seemingly infinite celestial queue

3 Soundless black pit of oblivion

4 Embodied in form of primitive sub-aqueous jelly

5 Just about to crack the Riddle of Steel

6 Having seen reality for the dream it is, one can never be the same

7 Arrived outside the door to cyclopean mead hall: access denied

8 Almost finished spelling out “Help!” on somebody’s Ouija Board

9 Descended esophagus of the Earth Serpent before regurgitated

10 Assailed momentarily by the taunts and jeers of Elysian satyrs

11 Endured meaningless dialogue w/ mournful spirits in dreary cavern

12 Full tour of the planes of existence: Gygax was right!

131
 d12 Results of Successfully Listening at Door to Empty Room
R
1 Peal of a distant church bell

2 Gnawing, crunching sounds from within the door itself

3 Gentle patter like soft rain

4 Barely audible voice whispers “Come in”

5 Sound of your mother’s increasingly hysterical voice calling your name

6 Sort of think you heard something, but probably not

7 Noises from entirely different but nearby room vibrating through dungeon walls

8 Chirping of birds, rustling of dry leaves

9 Echo of the party’s most recent conversation

10 Ringing of sword against sword in a pitched melee

Implausibly slow and deep drawing of breath, followed by equally outsize
11 exhalation
All you hear is the blood pounding in your ears and you wonder if this dungeon
12 is giving you a heart attack

d12 Rustic Folkways of the Subsistence Farmers

The measure of a man: beard length and fullness, mustachio optional, bachelor
1 farmers rock wicked muttonchops
2 Active distrust for city-folk, organizations and institutions

3 War and fighting viewed as ways of slacking off

Witchcraft and magic use publicly regarded as unclean (unless, if secretly
4 employed, it might help the harvest)
5 If it don’t scare the herd-beasts...

6 Primogeniture rigidly enforced, younger siblings considered expendable

7 Leery of monetary exchange as too theoretical, prefer barter

Characteristically chew vast plugs of mildly psychoactive herb, much
8 expectoration, jolliness
Stoical temperance widespread and rigidly socially reinforced, much glowering,
9 seriousness
Strict seasonal lifestyle: intense periods of labor alternate w/weeks of full-time
10 revelry
Ecstatic religiosity, intense piety, temple worship rarely shirked lest the harvest
11 suffer

12 Devoted to pie

132
 S

d12 Secret Societies in the Big City

1 Fraternity of Cosmic Indifference

2 Aristocrats for a Stratified Society

3 Graft Guild

4 Brotherhood of Cutthroats

5 League of Debauchery

6 Arcane Supremacists

7 Green Panthers

8 Parent’s Committee Concerned about Sorcery

9 Sea Dogs and Piratical Ship Workers Local

10 Anti-Riff-Raff League

11 Academy of Good Taste

12 Supra Geniuses For Chaos

133
 d12 Secreted on the Master Thief’s Person
S
1 Spool of stout wire in heel of boot

2 Razor blades stitched into lining of undergarment

3 Extensible poisoned needle in fingertip of glove

4 500gp gem strapped to nether regions

5 False mustache/beard in seam of cloak

‘Twixt lip and gum: glass capsule that releases drug that simulates death for 3
6 minutes when crushed
7 Stiletto strapped to inner thigh
Lead sling bullets on inside of leather girdle, removable laces cunningly
8 disguised precision sling
9 Pull ring on glove activates retractable garrote
In fitted leather case on small of back: variety of documents, credentials, symbols
10 both holy and unholy for range of possible identities
Crystal that when crushed teleports one person to thief’s awesome hideout in
11 major city
Tiny phrase book in multiple languages with useful bits such as: “My guild will
12 pay 1000gp ransom for my safe return.”

134
d12 Security Measures at the Sorcerer’s Tower
S
1 Selectively permeable mobile defensive wall of aero-plankton
Security chief: totally nude, deaf, blind and ancient master of unarmed combat
2 enshrouded in magical darkness and silence
Underground brain controls extensible tentacle array, variously armed, network
3 of tubes provides access to all points
4 Trained bull rhinos w/above average tactical cunning patrol grounds 24/7

5 Encircling garden of giant hypno-flowers tended by giant dragonflies

Hundreds of evil pixie knights astride vicious war-chihuahuas flinging bombs of
6 bewilderment
Identity check point w/bio-engineered olfactory sensor creature checking aroma
7 profiles
8 Perimeter wall of animate zombie flesh

9 Field of death spore fungi land mines

10 Moat of liquid nitrogen

Magnetic field projector capable of wrenching armor from the bodies of
11 aggressors

12 Wall of lightning provided by captive wizard locked in time loop

135
S

d12 Sentient Liquids, Gases and Vapors

Black mist: hovers near burial grounds, primarily a scavenger, sucks remaining
1 life-force from the recently dead, drains power from the living in self-
defense, flees from clergy
Miasmoids: swamp dwelling spirits barely tethered to the material plane, craft
2 incredible fen-dirges in hundred-part harmony, innate ability to command
reptiles/amphibians
Vermilion seepage: animate blood created by arcane misadventure, attracted to
3 sugar, very shy
Gust devils: capricious beings from the wind plane, infest dungeons and delight
4 in extinguishing torches, slamming doors
Cosmic gas being: native to interstellar space, claim to be the first living
5 sentience, occasionally impersonate deities while on planet-safari, find
terrestrial life hilarious
Grease dogs: hound-shaped masses of oil set to guard treasures, etc, overwhelm
6 and suffocate foes, easy to ignite but will create much mayhem
Radiant stream: far below ground, glowing waters trickle in self-feeding circle
7 of eroded passageways, converses via disembodied voice, values quietude,
tranquility, enlightenment
Time cloud: unstuck in the continuum, encourage fellow beings to pass
8 through them into a null-time zone where they will be treated to continuous
monologue
Levitating Protoplasmic Sphere: found in the deepest dungeons, wise beyond
9 mortal ken, communicates via telepathy, engaging in lengthy conversation
may improve wizardly abilities, teach spells
Mist Lords: may be encountered singly or collectively as fog-like bank, always at
10 sea, extremely territorial, avoided by wise sailors
11 Spectral haze: demi-material intelligences that like to pretend to be ghosts
Giant bubbles of cleanliness: sorcerer’s experiment gone feral, they live to scour
12 dungeon corridors

136
S Semi-unknown Were-things
d12 Table 1: Transforms into anthropoidal parody of...
1 Rooster

2 Ape

3 Butterfly

4 Badger

5 Worm

6 Swine

7 Devil

8 Paramecium

9 Lamprey eel

10 Whale

11 Virus

12 Famous monarch

d12 Table 2: ...when d12 Table 3: Proclivity

triggered by... 1 Hunger for flesh
1 Solstice/equinox 2 Thirst for blood
2 Ascending constellation 3 Killing for sport
3 Toll of church bells 4 Self-destruction
4 Sundown 5 War on property
Return of predictably regular
5 comet
6 Urge to smash the state
Hell-bent on undermining
6 Exposure to subterranean gases 7 religion/desecrating shrines
7 Hunger pangs 8 Must reproduce w/human host
8 Thunderstorms 9 Evil oratory
9 Sudden highly-charged emotion 10 Seeks to irritate and disrupt
10 Pain/injury 11 Attention-seeking behavior
11 Victory at arms Looking to merely humiliate/
12 satirize humanity
12 At will

138
 S

d12 Table 4: Can only

be destroyed by...
1 Random metal (see Subtable)
Several thousand pounds of
2 crushing force
3 Lightning strike

4 Withering criticism

5 Overdose of opiates

6 Severe food allergy

7 True love

8 Gluttony

9 Empathy for the innocent

10 Exposure to moon dust

11 A certain song

12 Large sums of money

d12 Subtable:
Random Metals
1-2 copper

3-4 electrum

5-6 gold

7-8 platinum

9-10 unalloyed iron

11-12 space metal

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 d12 Something Has Upset the Ancient Dragon
S
1 Found religion but only just heard of requisite tithe for his income bracket
Unable to locate favored bauble, vaporized most of staff in accusatory huff,
2 obsessively searching through hoard again and again
Injury to pride due to recent string of humiliating defeats on once-routine sorties
3 against local settlements, still licking numerous arrow wounds
Nagging health issues: arthritic joints, wing troubles, diminishing fires, explosive
4 coughing jags
Mating trouble: eligible suitors all unsatisfactory in one way or another, can’t
5 commit, expecting next contestant any minute
Preternatural dragon senses tingle with forebodings of doom, high anxiety,
6 jumpy, trigger-happy
Psychological imbalance aggravated by deficiencies in dwarf-based diet: epic
7 irrational rages over anything and everything
Hasn’t been able to get a good fortnight’s sleep in ages due to incessant howling
8 of monster in dragon-inaccessible lair

9 Bamboozled out of nice chunk of hoard by expert confidence trickster

Lost huge wager over outcome of leadership change in nearby realm, new
10 administration rumored to favor strong anti-draconic measures

11 Barely survived attempted coup led by demon major domo (dispatched)

Disobliging review of achievements in newly published history, ready to launch
12 into obscenity-laced tirade of self-justification should anyone care to listen

140
 S

d12 The Sorcerer’s Latest Research Breakthrough

Following treatment with precise ratio of disintegration and re-integration rays,
1 now physically inhabits up to 3 planes of existence simultaneously
Faithful hound/troll hybrid: one hard-to-kill watchdog, eats man-kibble by the
2 50lb. sack
3 Iron golem spy satellite (see Available Means of Interplanetary Travel - pg. 8)

4 Giant toad that eats/hauls/regurgitates large amounts of treasure on command

Disembodied wizard-brain-powered spell cannon: theoretically sound, field
5 testing led to collateral damage to space-time continuum
6 Synthetic opiate: instantly addictive for dragons

7 Rod of dinosaur control

8 Ray of Fecundity: useful for propagating minions

Colony of domesticated giant bees: regard sorcerer as queen, produce jelly of
9 longevity
10 Bracers of blasting: fire bolts of destructive energy, charged by human sacrifice

11 New plague contagion, cure: to be auctioned separately

Single new spell that would solve world food supply problems forever: shelved
12 due to lack of interest

141
 d12 So You Made Your Save Vs. Poison...
S
1 Hands swell to gross immensity

2 Full body numbness: -2 to all physical tasks, bonus to hit points

3 Narcoleptic effect: 1 in 6 chance of involuntary napping/turn

Loss of mental acuity: disallows spell casting and other heavy-duty cognitive
4 activities
5 Astonishing gastrointestinal distress: 1 in 6 chance of attack/turn

6 Overtaxed liver produces mind-bending abdominal pain

7 The shakes: -2 to everything requiring manual dexterity

8 Skin changes to random color and hurts like hell

Hallucino-vision: -2 to everything requiring visual accuracy, occasionally
9 terrifying
10 Speech center compromised: drunken caveman talk

11 Copious drooling: suavity nullified

Brief coma followed by total emotional meltdown w/inconsolable weeping,
12 irrational behavior, sudden freak-outs
Notes: Effects last anywhere from 1d4 hours for relatively mild toxins
to 1d4 weeks for extremely potent poisons or large doses

d12 Special Contents of the Smuggler’s Hold

1 Sealed canisters containing sentient gas beings from another sphere

2 Plague-infested corpses dipped in wax

Abundant gold plated idols for forbidden cult: possession = automatic death
3 penalty
Delicacies for the mountain giant’s annual fete: human blood sausage, catoblepas
4 pastrami, pickled halflings, etc.
5 The Prophetical Stele of the Yeti

6 Catatonic virgins earmarked for unspeakable sorcerous ritual

7 Lead crate containing black meteorite w/ campaign-destroying powers

8 Large shipment of arms and armor for cult insurrectionists

Three of the four fragments of the legendary Sword of Sundering (w/ map to
9 final piece, instructions for agents, suicide capsules)
10 Complete furnishings for vampire’s lair: vampire included

11 Emperor’s monthly supply of illegal male performance-enhancing elixir

Bodies of the actual smugglers, replaced by simulacrums directed by distant
12 psychic intelligence

142
d12 Stalking the City by Night
Sewer dragon (flightless): like a giant hellbender with dagger-like fangs, expels
S
1 paralysis-inducing plegm through nostrils in gouts of surprising range,
astonishing treasure hoard
Gaggles of young aristocrats on a binge escorted by bloodthirsty and entirely
2 competent body guards
Demons of revelry: seem suave, pally, affable fellows, always buying until
3 you’re drunk and helpless
Street slime: opportunistic predator able to flawlessly mimic cobblestone (or
4 whatever)
Swarm of sub-miniature stirges: warded off by expensive caustic balm, cash
5 reward available for extermination
Ravishing ogre maiden and brutish entourage seeking former suitor now in
6 hiding
The Midnight Sage: dispenses all manner of esoteric knowledge, charges
7 exhorbitant fees, protected by local crimelord
Diminutive alley troll: adapted for ambush-and-flee urban predation, solitary, lair
8 in carefully concealed burrows beneath out of the way alleys
9 Talent scouts/recruiting agents for newly formed Cutthroats Guild
The Vampire Dandy and his hench-fops: a blast to hang out with, obvious risks
10 notwithstanding
11 The Invisible Drunkard
Partied-out party of adventurers finally deciding to find a safe place to stash their
12 loot

143
 d12 Strange and Terrible Curses
S
1 The Beard of Worms

2 Stomach rumblings of evil portent

3 The Hex of Unrelenting Ennui

4 The Implacable Urge of Self-annihilation

5 The Evil Third Eye

6 The Doom of Obscurity

7 Always followed by rats

8 Victories shall be hollow

9 The Unattainable Ambition

10 The Doom of Repeated Public Humiliations

11 The Unpredictable Apoplexy

12 The Repellent Stench Unremovable

d12 Strange Doings in the Rain Forest

1 Luminous mosquito-like jungle spirits: suck the spells from magic-users

2 The understandably Lost City of Myopia

3 Silken meeting hall of the giant spider collective

Bio-sorceress’ expedition to catalog extant species: mobile laboratory tests for
4 arcane applications of discoveries
The Canopy Highway: thatched, lashed and magically preserved untold centuries
5 ago by vanished race of arboreal engineers
6 Hidden library of the Ape Scholars
Heavily armed imperial expedition hunts bio-sorceress (who escaped from
7 previously scheduled public execution): now lost, starving and perishing of
disease
8 Psychic monkeys: torment sensitive minds with capricious thought intrusions

9 Extremely elusive clan of humans with prehensile feet and innate arcane abilities
Clear cut carrion field w/ herds of wingless giant flies: tended by giant spider
10 proletariat
Pharmocopia: stone age enclave of folk w/ unsurpassed knowledge of plant
11 chemistry, among their many achievements: functional immortality
Giant spider forces drilling: weaponized spider knights practice charges atop
12 domesticated mantid mounts

144
d12 Strangeness on the Savanna
S
1 Alpha predator: titanoswine
The 100 year migration of the Tortoise Riders: constantly halting for religious
2 observances
The strong and noble Impala Men: sketchy on morale, not so bright, eschew
3 weaponry for horn attacks
4 Lost and desperate viking-types searching for a sea

5 Malign clouds: looming and menacing, effects strictly psychological

6 The stampede of the semi-invisible herd beasts

7 Ancient thatched tower: shunned and thoroughly haunted

8 Pillaging grass sailors on their miraculous land schooner

Ascetic pilgrims toward the end of their death march, tailed by the Hyena King
9 and his extended family
10 Full moon creates astral bridge to moon prairie

11 Lonely sentient trees: communicate via symbiotic ant colony courier service
Capricious brush fire spirits: 50% likely to instruct newcomers on vital savanna
12 lore, 50% likely to encircle and incinerate

d12 Stuff in a Chest

1 Casks of distilled longevity potion and fancy shot glasses

2 Six sets of formal evening wear (various sizes)

3 A giant gold tooth w/ traces of fresh blood

4 Stone age cult relics, fetishes and shamanic gear

5 Disguise kit w/ wigs, false mustaches/beards, official badges/identification

6 Colony of live bats (chewed aperture in rear of chest)

7 Radioactive meteorite: danger of death/mutation

8 Collection of shrunken alien heads

Disorganized notes and papers re: exploration of alternate worlds via dream
9 journeying (upon thorough study = total bunk)
10 Hundreds of keys of all shapes and sizes
A completely insane dungeon fairy w/food dish, water dispenser and exercise
11 wheel
12 Beautifully carved miniature wooden representations of each party member

145
 Super-quick Gonzo Pulp Monster Generator
S
Roll on each of the three tables below and put results in the blender.
Extrapolate swiftly, your players are waiting.

d12 Table A: Descriptor d12 Table B: Subject

1 Abominable 1 Fungus

2 Colossal 2 Jelly

3 Scintillating 3 Corpse

4 Iron 4 Slug

5 Sundering 5 Foetus

6 Mind 6 Bishop

7 Lava 7 Lizard

8 Laser 8 Worm

9 Trans-dimensional 9 Tyrant

10 Insalubrious 10 Polyp

11 Hypno- 11 Virus

12 Chaos 12 Titan

d12 Table C: Special

1 Like the shrew, must eat several times own body weight daily to survive

2 Maximum fecundity: dropping eggs/buds/spores/litters/viral loads everywhere

3 Berserk at all times, but capable of taking it to a new level if pressed

4 Singular objective: depopulation

5 Genius-level intellect, telepathic, strong opinions, very convincing

6 Melancholic: hell-bent on suicide-by-adventurers

7 Reverts back to shape of missing princess when killed

8 Constantly sings/otherwise emits mind-bending music

9 Protected by chitinous armor plating

10 Exudes deadly/blinding/incapacitating/intoxicating/flammable gases

11 Self-luminous

12 Demi-material, may pass through solid matter

146
d12 Surprisingly Helpful Hirelings
Darx the fletcher: constantly making new & improved arrows out of found
S
1 materials
2 Munn the torchbearer/unemployed cartographer
Man-at-arms Zim: trained under famous chef (killed by Zim in an unfortunate
3 incident), capable of making rations into a memorable dining experience
4 Wahu the wary: detects traps/secret doors with latent psychic powers

5 Keen-eyed Kruun: more likely than average to spot objects of value

6 Brill the bat-whisperer

7 Switt the suddenly self-sacrificing: will fling self between master and danger

8 Moogumbo the spear carrier: generous with hand-crafted juju bags of protection

9 Frix the fleet-footed: an exceptionally fast sprinter

10 Corgo the cognizant: able to remember important detail forgotten by adventurers

11 Cosmopolitan Cruin: knows one language unknown to adventurers

Man-at-arms Flang: never leaves home w/out at least three doses of his mother’s
12 mystical tonic of healing

d12 Symbiosis in the Dungeon

Charlatan evil high priest delivers sacrifices of flock to hovering eye in exchange
1 for timely use of ray powers
Ghouls hide in giant snake’s belly until prey cornered, emerge suddenly and
2 paralyze extra victim for snake
3 Giant beetles dispose of bodies for assassins’ guild who lavish them with TLC

4 Subhumans employ giant ape to erect monoliths in exchange for fresh maidens
Orcs gain near-invulnerability from aggressive and disfiguring body fungi
5 infestation
Dragon sustains jellies with waste/leftovers in exchange for cash horde cleansing
6 and protection
7 Pudding lives in gut of land kraken as digestive aid
Ogres feed flightless cave vultures, benefit from their heightened senses and
8 squawks of alarm
9 Manticore serves as mount of devil for protection/choice victims

10 Sorcerer feeds sphinx magic for service as research aid

11 Hydra and chimera enjoy strange multi-headed kinship and mutual protection
Dungeon fairies lead bamboozled prey to giant spiders in exchange for bolts of
12 spider silk building material

147
 d12 Symptoms of Post-traumatic Delving Disorder
S
1 Self-medicates with constant flow of mead/ale/black lotus

2 Stirge-mania: bats at shadows, constantly scans ceiling

3 Paralyzing door paranoia: checks for traps at inn, mother’s house, etc.

4 Delver’s Tremor (often accompanies 1, above)

5 Back stab shock: approach from behind triggers preemptive strike

6 Laughs in the face of death way too much

7 Torch-triggered panic/catatonia

8 Stalact-o-phobia

9 Compulsive ration hoarding

10 Henchman attachment disorder (accompanied by unmanly weeping)

11 Berserker’s Regret: tortured by remembrances of friendly fire

12 Sleeps with 10 foot pole

148
 T

d12 Talents on Loan from the Gods: Divine Spells

1 Steely Countenance of Affirmation: morale booster

2 (Involuntary) Bonds of Brotherhood

Momentary Cosmic Awareness: requires hours long ritual w/accompanying bells
3 and whistles
4 Rolling Fog Bank of Purification
Irresistible Rebuke of the Unclean: sends enemies of patron deity packing, alive
5 or undead
6 Dispel Rage
Stupefying Oratory: renders those in earshot insensible, can be kept up as long as
7 speaker’s endurance holds out
8 Geyser of Faith: high-pressure jet of blessed fluid surges from the caster’s mouth
Serenity Ball: glowing heart-shaped bead flies from the caster’s hand, detonating
9 at range in a spherical blast of good vibrations
10 Miracle (situational): circumstances dictate effects

11 Prophetic Slumber: provides subject w/oracular dreams

12 Raise Dead, fleeting: lasts 1d6 minutes

149
 d12 Target of the Sorcerer’s Contracted Assassin(s)
T Imperial Librarian who hires killers of his own to whack the sorcerer for overdue
1 materials
Certain thief who made off with hereditary spell book of inordinate sentimental
2 value
Former mentor for capricious lies and disinformation leading to much grief (and
3 unpleasant mutations)
Former familiar gone turncoat: unnaturally large and intelligent crow with
4 wicked ambitions of its own
Arcanophagus the spell-drinking demon: becomes loutish drunk after throwing
5 back too many spells
High priest of Cult of Law responsible for wanton destruction of numerous
6 intriguing arcane items
7 Current owner of the Spell Stele of the pre-Antlanteans

8 Evil and intelligent feline once the property of successfully assassinated rival

9 All fools everywhere, who shall be suffered poorly in the meantime

10 The barbarian who slew everyone else in sorcerer’s graduating class

Dragon hoarding entirety of artifacts remaining from antedivuvian mollusc
11 civilization
All other sorcerers, done one at a time and using the widest possible variety of
12 methods, gratuitous torture encouraged

d12 Things Washed Up on a Subterranean Beach

1 Chest full of theatrical costumes

2 Half-filled vial of water breathing potion

3 Dead twin aristocrats shackled together

4 Deranged merfolk beaching themselves

5 Multiple corked bottles with messages reading “Don’t bother” and “Too late”

6 The body of a tree-man king

7 A well-sealed cake box (w/ intact cake)

8 Block of ice with frozen ancient astronaut

9 Super-colossal dead whale

10 Abandoned, ancient, yet entirely seaworthy vessel

11 Chest teeming with maggots and disease

12 The Sea God’s key ring

150
d12 Tiny Dungeon Menaces
T
1 Immortal Queen of All Ants and her army of 1000 demi-god offspring
Miniature UFOs on exploratory mission: based on early findings, invasion
2 postponed indefinitely
Armor-eating microorganisms: spread via contact with strangely tarnished
3 enchanted chest plate
Hell’s own airborne virus: outrageous perspiration and evil thoughts mark onset
4 of infection followed swiftly by black vomit and development of demonic
features
5 Ration stealing pocket-apes: non-aggressive, but bite like hell to avoid capture
Alarm crickets: bred by intelligent dungeon monsters to chirp loudly when
6 approached by strangers
Micro-pudding: slips into boot and starts digesting foot, exudes anaesthetic ichor
7 to mask operations
Stealth pixies: sneak into adventurers’ packs, uncork potions, defecate on rations,
8 chew scrolls, etc.
Ear canal-seeking demons of mimicry: use voices of fellow adventurers to
9 promote paranoiac mayhem
Rat lords: palm size humanoids command normal rats to acquire food and
10 treasure, ride out in force astride rodent mounts
Archery bugs: defend castle-like hive on dungeon wall with hails of toothpick-
11 size projectiles
12 The Littlest Apparition

151
 U

d12 Uncanny Effects of Blunt Force Trauma to the Head

1 Religious experience resulting in conversion (random god/outer being/entity)
Total personality inversion: passionately loathes former friends, thinks enemies may
2 have had the right idea, etc.
3 Temporary alignment shift (3d6 days): suppressed urges bubble to surface

4 Vision of the immediate future (roll for % accuracy): its never good news

5 Senses hidden dangers (4 in 6): presence of traps, etc. triggers mild seizure

6 Detects lies/treachery (4 in 6): overwhelming shivers down spine

7 Smells emotions of those in close proximity

8 Unknown telekinetic talent revealed, must lie down after use

9 Suddenly excellent at math, reduced to caveman speech

10 Loses all inhibitions, poor impulse control

11 Speaks exclusively in ancient/unknown languages, often prophetically

12 Blinded by daylight, sees perfectly in total darkness

Note: effects undone by any subsequent blunt force trauma

to the head of equal or greater magnitude

153
 d12 Under the Paleogean Serpentine Mound
U
1 Giant mummified serpent demigod: remains inert until the stars are right
Emptied of original contents centuries ago, currently occupied by a witch’s
2 workshop dedicated to creating intriguing new life forms using recycled parts
Somewhere within the entirely earthen mass a single enchanted gem links the site
3 to a particularly snaky dimension: luminous spirit snakes in their thousands
writhe about the environs nightly
Entire membership of ancient vampire cult entombed within in quasi-dead
4 condition, seals regularly re-sanctified by snake god-worshipping zealots in
nearby enclave
Imprisoned spirits whose magically preserved bodies must be destroyed before
5 they can rest
Spectacular weregild offered by an extinct people to appease the gods of the
6 serpent men, undisturbed for 1000 years
Time capsule of the ancient ones: strange and incomprehensible arts, magics, and
technologies stored here until scheduled opening in 499 more years, giant
7 auto-snake throws flames, launches explosive projectiles, bombards with
deadly radiance any who dare break the seal
Fancy mausoleum for royal houses of the serpent men: every trap sprung,
8 thoroughly looted, now a breeding ground for slimes, oozes and jellies
City of the mound devils: tiny entities of unquenchable malice and irony decorate
9 the interior with furnishings crafted exclusively from human bones
The ancient earthwork merely serves as a corner in a continent-spanning
10 pentangle that will one day call down the Missing Gods from their long
sojourn among the stars
High priestess of the serpent folk abides in stasis with several drones, mated pairs
11 of now-extinct antediluvian species awaiting the next Swamp Age
12 Snake-shaped air/sea/spacecraft covered in naturally accumulated turf

154
d12 Underworld Accommodations
U
1 Web hostel of the lawful spiders

2 Otch the Opportunistic Ogre’s Stone Hut Rental

3 Guest caves of the man-ape philosopher king

4 Servant’s quarters in the City of the Blind

5 Temporary encystment in giant stasis flowers

6 Temple of Neutrality (shackles/leg-irons required during stay)

7 Grey Dwarfs labor camp (room/board exchanged for 12-hour shift)

8 The Inn at the Stone Lord’s Sub-citadel

9 Questing knight’s embattled sanctuary

10 Slime Lodge of the sympathetic slug-folk

11 Worm-man nomads: extreme hospitality

12 Drone harem of the Yeti Queen (always hiring)

d12 Underworld Afflictions

1 Dungeon Itch: mind-bending full body itch, spell casting impossible

2 Mail Rot: starts as obscene stench under armor, advances until tissues slough off

3 Cavern Fever: mounting compulsion to return to surface

4 Ration Starvation: depleted of vital nutrients, weakens, looks terrible

5 Medusa’s Blight: skin slowly hardens, hampering movement

6 Troll Flesh: develops green seeping pustules

7 Grave foot: hobbles rapidly, untreated feet blacken and fall off

8 Hill Giant’s Hiccups: irrepressible, unpredictable, very loud

Berserk’s Bane: fever induces spontaneous battle rages + incessant sweating &
9 crazy affect
Deep dysentery: explosive onset, severe dehydration, must drain every wineskin
10 to stave off death
11 Tomb Robber’s Lung: wracking cough, sensitivity to torch smoke
Delver’s Blues: turns blue, dies (rapid onset, highly contagious, draconian
12 measures required to halt outbreak)

155
 d12 Underworld Cash Crops
U
1 Ghoulsbane: repels minor undead when smoked profusely, highly addictive

2 Potted Shrieker: lair security device, bred to discern strangers

3 Optic Flora: microscopic plants grow on optic nerve, grants infravision

4 Iron nettles: barbed armor, anti-monster fencing

5 Exploding pods: impact sensitive, launches hail of seed-shrapnel

6 Death spores: airborne poison harvested from giant toadstools

7 Thermolichen: produces berry-like protrusion that when crushed emits heat

8 Levitating fungi: tethered to large objects/loads for transportation

9 Breadcaps: nutritionally complete fungus, deadly poison unless processed

10 Stenchmold: repels reptiles, dinosaurs and dragons, attracts oozes

11 Retchwort: first use: neutralizes most toxins, second use: lethal

A rich panoply of psychoactive molds, spores and fungi, carefully bred for
12 effects ranging from the subtlest mood elevation to the most harrowing mind
bending delirium (widespread use among kobolds suspected)

d12 Underworld Currency

1 Lead coins bearing stamped insignia of underworld overlord

2 Shiny, tumble-polished purple rocks in three sizes

3 Dungeon fairy dust: by weight, kept in silk bags

4 Dragon scales of varying color/quality

5 Heads/skulls, by size, degree of freshness

6 Live snails, by shell color and complexity

7 Ingested globule: value encoded in RNA

8 Rare and precious gas exchange: money balloons

9 Tally bones

10 Intricately embossed tin notes: represent chunks of unrefined ores

Sealed ceramic pots containing various denominations of mucks, mires, bog-
11 waters, sloughs and ichors
12 Souls trapped in crystal matrix

156
 U

d12 Underworld Entertainments

1 Headless dance troupe under psychic control of mind-eater choreographer
Recitation of ghastly epic poem by obese ogre noted for exceedingly well-
2 moderated vocal tones
Subterranean ape acrobats directed with roared commands by massive and
3 unmoving bull ape: prefer to be paid in food
Subhuman chief’s bi-annual abomination hunt: 100’s of stone implement
4 equipped contestants swarm about in frenzy, hoping to win substantial reward
After eleven months of dour taciturnity grey dwarfs celebrate month-long
5 Festival of Mayhem
6 Spellbinding oratory available weekly at regional Temples of Chaos
Slug-man dramatists perform days-long tragedies w/elaborate SPFX provided by
7 company wizard
Subhumans jam nightly on variety of stone & bone rhythm instruments while
8 deranged on fermented ogre saliva brew
Vampire entrepreneur leads wagon-train zoo, charges modest fee for
9 subterraneans to ogle such semi-unknown surface creatures as unicorns,
ducks, halflings
Oral storytelling time w/the eons-addled dragon who never shuts up: 1 in 6
10 chance of uttering useful information, 1 in 20 audience members absent-
mindedly devoured
Disembodied head chorus, witch doctor conductor: not really meant for human
11 ears, an acquired taste
Spectacular public executions, jazzed up for maximum entertainment value: ex.
12 live cave wall “action painting” using condemned prisoners and trebuchet

157
 d12 Underworld Festivals and Holy Days
U
1 The Fortnight of Perpetual Drumming

2 Gibbetfest (The Arbiter Ghost chooses who shall hang)

3 Monster Feast: edible monster hunted and BBQed

4 The Remembrance of Silent Darkness (noise and light: highly offensive)

5 All-Brawlers Eve (followed by the annual Underworld Armistice)

6 Cannibal’s Regale

7 Slave’s Day of Wanton Liberty (rarely observed these days)

8 Fete of the Not-quite Dead

9 Semi-annual Outcast Purge

10 Ritual Lampooning of the Surface-folk’s Gods (excellent costumes)

11 Weaklings Last Gala (followed by Warband Recruitment Day)

12 The Weekend of Unlikely Alliances

d12 Underworld Hunting and Foraging Success

1 2d6 delicious bats

2 2d4 plump and juicy rats

3 Large sack full of giant insect larvae

4 Bushel of nutritious lichen

5 A dozen giant lizard eggs

6 Small sack full of edible lizards

7 1d3 giant rock snails

8 2d4 cave cephalopods

9 2d20 giant spider hatchlings

10 Several days worth of life-sustaining pool algae

11 1d6 blind cave fish

12 Several handfuls of glutinous fungi

Note: assumes presence of native guide or trained Underworld Ranger (see pg. 73)

158
d12 Underworld Intoxicants (Commonly Abused)
U
1 Dried bulb of the devil’s lily: taken orally eliminates need to sleep for 2d4 days
Cerebrospinal fluid of the mind-bat: imparts random knowledge following short
2 pleasurable coma
Black mold spores: snorted for hours-long laughing jags, long term users
3 identifiable by tell-tale nasal staining
4 Extract of dragon bile: mildly impaired users able to go with out food for weeks

5 Skin secretions of the blind cave frog: diluted with brandy for an interesting buzz
Deep dwarf bracer: served sizzling hot, caustic black syrup heals wounds and
6 renders the drinker even more dour and taciturn
7 Polychromatic fungi: mild hallucinogen, enables user to see in the dark
Hydra’s tears: renders subject unconscious for 24 hours, during which they are
8 treated to extremely enjoyable dreams
Gray cheese: overwhelms the pleasure centers for 10 minutes, then turns skin
9 stone-gray and deadens emotions (cure: more gray cheese)
10 Extra virgin toadstool oil: taken sublingually, increases sensory awareness
War juice: tincture of white ape adrenal fluids and alcohol, induces battle frenzy/
11 heart attack
12 Liquor of fermented ogre saliva: full blown delirium

159
U

d12 The Underworld’s Long-term Effects of Exposure

Paranoiac hyper-vigilance: reduced sleep requirement/accelerated aging process,
1 shifty eyes, constant perspiration
2 Rapid onset full-body hair loss

3 Total color blindness: visual acuity increased by several megapixels

4 Sallow, sickly appearance, unhealthy anti-glow: reduced charisma

Absorption of trace airborne elements triggers coarsening of skin: as leather
5 armor, temporarily painful w/dexterity reduction
Olfactory enhancement: picking up the subtleties once ignored, chance of
6 surprise reduced, negated by exposure to fresh air
Cave depression: emotional responses muted, adrenalin tolerance through the
7 roof, enhanced resistance to fear, panic
Ration starvation: vitamins/minerals missing from feed, weight loss, bad breath,
8 immune system compromised (saving throw penalty)
9 Low light vision enhanced, negated by re-acclimation to full daylight
Dungeon pragmatism: atrophy permanently erodes empathy, compassion, regard
10 for sanctity of life
Systemic fungal infection: increases strength and constitution, occludes thought
11 process
Total acclimation: underground environment seems like home, surface life just an
12 increasingly vague memory

160
d12 Underworld River Vessels
U
1 Ogre-powered pole barge laden with surface loot

2 Fishing boat w/ giant water beetles trained to retrieve prey

Casino boat protected by treaties, neutral ground for all factions, run by
3 extremely dangerous vampire
4 Oil rig-style facility: refines river-bottom sludge into orc chow

5 Algae harvesting skimmers crewed by carapace men

Floating temple to the river god: aggressively seeks contributions, filled with
6 zealot-marines
7 Haunted trireme on eternal oddysey: morose spirits of famous heroes of the past

8 Pleisiosaur-riding river knights, love to joust among themselves

9 Giant squid-propelled speed boat pirates

10 Adjustable bridge boat operated by wealthy troll clan

11 Lost and demoralized viking types searching for open sea

Reptile men atop giant turtle amphibious assault vessel, shell modified with
12 battlements, arrow slits, tail ramp

Also: The Halfling’s Codpiece (dinghy): abandoned

d12 Underworld Sporting Events

1 Poison drinking contest

2 The Chasm Leap

3 Giant spider web escape

4 Live pin bowling

5 The Obstacle Course of Certain Death

6 Abyssal scavenger hunt

7 Ballista bolt catch

8 Nightmare-drawn chariot race

9 Ironskull, the game of withstanding head blows

10 Mad ape wrestling

11 The pudding jump

12 Purple worm rodeo

161
U

d12 Underworld Transport and Hauling

Colossal centipede: operated by sub-human* masters of arthropod husbandry,
1 moves like clockwork between feeding stations (cargo only)
2 All-terrain beetles: up to 4 riders, operated by bio-joystick in thorax
Snail-driven sledges of the neutral slug-folk: cargo only, insured, reliable,
3 extremely slow
4 The Lava Schooner

5 Paleogean network of suction tubes: 25% chance of disastrous malfunction/use

Flying polyp: enterprising sorcerer makes slave entity available for speedy
6 deliveries (living cargo must submit to temporary encystment), fees
exorbitant in the extreme
Sarcophagus-shaped transmat booths: relics of a lost civilization, touching glyphs
7 on the inside dictates destination
8 Stone-wheeled land barge powered by pedalling galley apes

9 Ogre-driven rickshaws
Train of giant ants: queen deploys her forces in exchange for surface delicacies/
10 magic
Underworld Excursion Vehicle (UEV): life’s work of underworld-obsessed
sorcerer/scientist, provides protection from attacks/elements, array of
11 defensive weaponry (e. g. fireball turret), bio-engine fueled by concentrated
food pellets
12 Were-ponies

*Subterranean human: the hairless, chalk-white skinned men native to the underworld

162
d12 The Underworld’s Weird Locales
U
1 The Invisible City

2 Fungus Island on the Sea of Protoplasm

3 The Halls of Tedium (devoid of both monsters and treasure)

4 Divine Singularity (The Swollen God has gone supernova and collapsed)

5 Worm land: ruled by the immortal Lord Fluke

6 Pocket solar system in 0-G spherical cavern

7 The University of Madness

8 Time-slip River: upstream = back in time and vice versa

9 Dissolute Sea: entropic demi-matter, adamant-hulled vessel required

Hidden Retreat of the Blind Cave Philosophers: perpetually debating the laws of
10 chaos
11 Spirit cauldron: boiling over with spiritual remnants and fragmented files
Fertile chasm: seething chaos-fueled engine of creation continuously spews forth
12 novel life forms

d12 Underworld Wonders

The Abyssal Caldera: sight of multiplanar collision and consequent reality
1 breakdown
Great Migration of the Cave Worms: annual event marked by festivals and
2 strange observances
3 Non-Euclidean complex of the multi-dimensional ones

4 Niagara-size waterfall that goes up

Cave-sepulchre of dead gods: super-powerful agents of divine decomposition
5 pose chief threat
Sculpted halls of the art-beetles (extinct): baroque alien aesthetic mildly mind-
6 bending
7 Mountain of bones, personal collection of the death god

8 The Grand Chasm: staggeringly vast, spanned only by the Gondola of Peril

9 Mecca of the giants: near-continual stream of giant pilgrims

Ruined war-demon factory and test arena: access forbidden by sentry-tribe of
10 subhumans
11 Hanging garden of slimes, puddings, jellies and ooze
Life-size statue of incomprehensible god Thloo-huloo exposed by tidal cycle of
12 the Lightless Sea

163
 d12 Unexpected Dungeon Boons
U Map indicating dungeon traps found at bottom of 20’ pit filled with poisoned
1 spikes
Near-mutinous guardian creatures offer bribe to adventurers to avoid unnecessary
2 unpleasantness
Blood-sucking cave bats transmit benign virus that permanently enhances low-
3 light vision
4 High-powered gold magnet dropped by hastily evacuating alchemist

5 Dungeon overlord’s passkey carelessly left in lock after extended revelry

Pack of relatively wimpy humanoids laden with disproportionate amounts of
6 cash, attempt to make night deposit for some successful dungeon enterprise
Managing to survive death ray trap triggers propagation of tissues enhancing
7 strength and endurance upon full healing
8 Dungeon fleas that sense danger to their host, bite like hell when monsters near
Dragon contemplating relocation w/fiery hatred for every other dungeon
9 inhabitant, more than happy to point out vulnerabilities
Adventurers injured by chaos jelly find upon healing their once-wounded tissues
10 temporarily invulnerable to physical harm
Demon, swollen with pride over recent victory, happy to cheer on and indirectly
11 aid adventurers’ efforts for entertainment value
Dungeon armistice after vicious territorial conflict leaves denizens unprepared,
12 inebriated or otherwise off their guard

164
 U

d12 The Unexpected Dungeon Guest Star

Evil warrior and equally wicked men-at-arms on quest to destroy highly
1 desirable magic item
2 Honored sword master from famous school seeks duel worthy of expertise
Expert monster wrangler on dungeon safari to bring abominations back alive for
3 roadside attraction
Halfling w/gambling addiction and overwhelming debt sneaking around looking
4 for low-hanging fruit: has leads on several possibilities and would happily
sucker PCs into doing dirty work
Concealed by full plate and closed helm, inhuman tries to pass as the paladin he
5 just killed
Humanoid sports team fresh from victory and full of booze carouses w/gaggle of
6 fans
Stone giant scholar researching pre-giant history w/bag full of rare books and
7 scrolls
Weeping giant butterfly w/death’s head markings on black wings: has laid eggs
8 and now laments inevitable end
Half-deranged sorcerer polymorphed into cloud of fruit flies seeks arcane
9 assistance
10 Ex-paramour of wealthy old vampire eager to aid would-be plunderers
Socially inept warrior w/ two-handed sword just might come in handy if PCs
11 tolerate non-stop barrage of insult comedy
12 The Singing Mummy

165
 d12 Unexpected Intrusions into the Standard Orc Lair
U “Me stole helmet fair and square.”
Ogre bounty hunters happily smashing their way to the chieftain’s quarters
1 to serve warrant from former employer for dereliction of duty: they will
consider any bribes or interesting offers
Black pudding invasion: acting in concert as if directed by some remote agency,
2 puddings choke the halls, killing and moving on w/out pause for digestion
Giant sub-draconic reptile has unintentionally wedged itself in a too-narrow
3 passage, orcs contemplating the best approach, discussing recipes
Three infuriated stone giants concoct plans to extract kidnapped giant infant from
4 the uncomfortably small spaces of the lair
Out-of-control local giant rat population has once again despoiled the entire stock
5 of provisions and scamper about the lair w/impunity, hungry orc tempers flare
Chief’s cousin and impoverished survivors of neighboring complex line the halls
6 looking pathetic, granted temporary refugee status after adventurers trashed
their lair, tensions rising between factions
High elf zealot, leader of separatist movement w/squad of kick-ass bodyguards,
7 plots anti-elf treason w/orc chief
Barbarian whose dinged-up-but-still-magical helmet remains in the possession
8 of orc warlord finds himself surrounded and half-filled with arrows, but still
holding his own in an ultimately hopeless tactical position
Sorcerer and chiefs of staff pop in for a surprise inspection: orcs scramble to and
9 fro in mad panic, tidying up, trying to look organized
Burrowing monstrosity breaches deepest area of lair, allowing access to abysmal
10 depths and vice versa, disembodied spirits streaming in
Partial corporeal manifestation of minor deity, taking time out of busy schedule
11 to address the terrified troops
All the orcs are dead at the hands of marauding dopplegangers, now busy
12 amusing themselves with a bit of (legitimate) cosplay

166
d12 Unexpected Sarcophagus Contents
U
1 Staked vampire spouses in necrotic embrace

2 Six imp-sized mummies

3 Fully animate mold-man

4 Temporarily torpid crypt ooze

5 Ash and scorching indicates fire from within

6 Ancient king’s body dipped in gold

7 Extremely patient ghost awaiting transition

8 Breaking seal releases centuries-old death howl

9 A lush bed of purple night blossoms (wilts immediately)

10 Note in archaic script: “Subject 13 removed to lab”

11 Human-type skeleton with dinosaur’s skull

12 Fully equipped adventurer in stasis

167
U

d12 Unfathomable Deities

1 Oon the Enumerator, god of computation

2 Lashetag, the bat-god of blindness

3 Cerebrus, the god of mind

4 The Seven Lords of the Fen

5 Erronius the Sultan of Blunder

6 Lugubrus of the Many Tongues

7 The Lord of Five Fingers

8 Surrus the Wheel God of Progress

9 Grappa the Drunken Healer

10 Praganon of the Word

11 Shagor the Master of Size

12 Blobamus Prime

168
d12 Unforeseen Financial Setbacks in the City
New “adventurer’s rate” at shops, inns, taverns and tradesmen: +1d100% to
U
1 typical prices
Due to recently closed economy, hard currency must be exchanged (a small
2 surcharge applies) for paper voucher system
3 Dweomer tax on all unregistered magic items entering city
To cover rising repair/policing costs, revelers must apply for a carousing licence
4 (non-refundable fee), summarily revocable by city guard
Must purchase and sport customary attire to do any kind of business or risk
5 committing a grave discourtesy
Roving packs of street arcanists enjoy employing reverse alchemy on the purses
6 of visitors
7 Markets use auction model, professional shills up the bids on foreign buyers

8 Must choose between conversion to local religion or pay a one-time opt out fee

9 Healing available at temples but on sliding scale for each according to their means
Impenetrable legal code plus bribe-happy constabulary = retaining legal aid all
10 but imperative
Carrying weapons disallowed, secure storage available during stay (w/rental
11 agreement)
Vast sorcerer-controlled swarms of rodents seek ill-guarded wealth in the wee
12 hours

d12 Unknown Spells

1 Liquefaction of Bone

2 Phran-dahl’s Face Eraser

3 Malicious Marring of the Exquisite

4 Excellent Ray of Nudity

5 Oxfam’s Handy Head Expander

6 The Stench of Unknown Origin

7 Twelve Dancing Centipedes

8 Xix’s Automatic Nervous Breakdown

9 Phreen’s Humiliating Rictus

10 Ray of Obsequiousness

11 Fong’s Expeditious Beard Lengthener

12 Galadigrius’ Esoteric Inquiry

169
 d12 Unpleasant Potion Side-effects
U Subject faints after use (1d6 minutes), unpredictable spells for remainder of day
1
2 Immobilizing gastro-intestinal distress after 3d6 minutes

3 Potion effect half-life: diminished effects linger following original duration

4 Potion “flashback”: effects suddenly return for 1d6 minutes at random moment

5 Inverse effect follows original duration for equal period

6 Skin of imbiber flushes random colors for 1d6 hours

7 Hair grows uncontrollably for 1d6 days requiring constant maintenance

Teeth of subject rapidly decay: breath rendered intolerably foul, reversible only
8 by magical dentistry
Instant addiction: subject goes to any length to procure lifetime supply of
9 concoction or close facsimile
Abdominal bloating, discomfort and weight gain due to unknown effect on
10 metabolism
11 Subject only able to emit frog-like croaks for 1d6 hours

12 Following effect duration, subject explodes into tiny fragments

Note: Use for potions of suspect manufacture or particularly ancient provenance

d12 Unusual Dungeon Pets

1 Giant paramecium in tank (eats goldfish)

2 Moon cat (lives on ceiling)

3 Herd of micro-horses in scenic terrarium

4 Chimp bodyguard in custom plate armor

5 Overweight giant spider, very friendly, likes to nuzzle

6 Collection of living disembodied heads

7 Dentured ocelot on a leash

8 Pet boulder (a lively conversationalist according to owner)

9 Baluchitherium in specially maintained enviro-cave

10 Giant walking catfish

11 Fully-functional miniature pet volcano

12 Chihuahua/hell-hound hybrid

170
 U

d12 Useless Hirelings

1 Panic Attack Jack: tunic, sword, 2 in 6 chance of freak out in combat
Huroo the mentally deficient yet totally bold and confident torchbearer: loincloth,
2 torches
Thuy the Crafty: threadbare toga, boasts of melee skills but requires
3 armament(s), runs off immediately with whatever he is given
4 Typhoid Tujam: hospital gown, dagger, 1 in 6 chance of dying per turn
Cleem of the Pukarat people: two-handed sword, breechclout, a barbarian so
5 ferociously savage and given to violence as to be a constant liability
Jurusan the Tremulous: leather cuirass, short sword, 3 in 6 chance of dropping
6 his weapon each round in combat
Yukant the treasure-hauler: farm hand outfit, pitch fork, mule, provides
7 continuous stream of arguments against everything he’s asked to do and every
possible course of action
Lin Fin the torchbearer/extremely patient doppelganger: wide-brimmed hat,
8 tunic, poisoned dagger
Bad Shot Yot: Leather armor, short bow, full quiver, 2 in 6 chance of targeting
9 party member in combat
Famished Frajor: sword, shield, leather, eats rations immediately, persistently
10 asks everyone for theirs, wails piteously if denied
Brang the despondent barbarian: fur shorts, battle axe, clan wiped out before his
11 eyes as a child, now seeks suicide-by-dungeon at the earliest opportunity
Chulanthes the turncoat guide: in cahoots with nearby dungeon personality to
12 deliver party into ambush

171
 d12 Utterances of the Malfunctioning Magic Mouth
U
1 Divulges personal information of caster

2 Rattles off locations of unguarded treasure

3 Solves math problems with 100% accuracy

4 Topical stand up comedy routine

5 Sings lullaby ad nauseum

6 Repeatedly attempts to place dinner order

7 Warns of nearby traps

8 Dispenses monster-fighting advice straight from the MM

9 Spews incomprehensible gibberish in hysterical tone

10 Babbles a stream of cutsie-pie baby talk

11 Dictates contents of caster’s spell book in repeating loop

12 Begins counting down from 100 in voice of 1950’s sci-fi robot

172
 V

d12 Vengeful Shades

1 Warrior w/numerous arrows in back mutters about being elected point man

2 Disembodied head of court jester inaudibly gasps out lame one-liners

3 Ghoul-chewed cleric now bitter heretic after turn undead failure

Aristocratic form frothing from mouth clutches empty flask (definitely not the
4 healing potion he ordered)
5 King brandishing cloven crown roars out curses against barbarian usurpers

6 Spectral wizard smouldering from fouled up fireball

7 Once beautiful green slime-covered maiden screams out her angst

8 Heroic warrior form speaks through slit in throat

9 Sorceress head on skeleton body rants about being left behind and eaten by rats

10 Perfectly flat ghost (crushed in dead fall trap) hates professional adventurers

11 Several pieces of thief float about recounting terminal “scouting ahead” mission
Posthumously unionized gaggle of ex-torchbearers seek former employers to file
12 formal complaints

173
 W

d12 Wandering Dungeon Mysteries

1 Slithering animate rope with hangman’s noose

2 1d12 mindless clones of wizard near starvation

3 Flying ink inscriptions: escaped entries from spell book

4 Skeleton dancers giving wandering performance

5 Free-roaming continual light spell

6 Ensorceled thieves giving out gold and gems to passersby

7 Disembodied hand compulsively opening doors

8 The ghost of an intelligent sword (adds bonus to attack of ally)

9 Spirit-eating phantasmal predator

10 Rapidly exiting man-like creature made from gold pieces

11 Phalanx of floating shields and spears

12 Re-animated roast ox on spear-like spit

175
 d12 Wandering the Dungeon Self-righteously
W Lone paladin on one man anti-chaos crusade: scorched, bleeding, half his once-
1 shining plate armor missing, crazed look of maniacal enthusiasm
Procession of sun god acolytes loaded down with implements of destruction en
2 route to desecrate shrine of enemy deity
3 Victim of fantasy psychosis believes self to be messianic fulfilment of prophecy

4 Gaggle of adventurers bearing corpse of honored comrade: easily ticked off

Newly christened doom cultists prattle ceaselessly about their tedious conversion
5 experiences
6 Back from the dead to everyone’s surprise, the rightful heir to the dungeon
Plague doctor and medical assistants w/deceased specimen on stretcher gleefully
7 race to laboratory
Envoy from underworld civilization makes way to surface w/message of
8 campaign world-shattering importance
9 United Factions peacekeeping forces
Surface world prince w/full retinue & elite troopers on mission to rescue
10 kidnapped noble
11 Imperial Dungeon Inspectors (actually impostors)

12 Hell-bent unicorn on mission of darkest vengeance against evil

d12 Wandering Treasure

1 Legendary ivory-tusked white under-mammoth

2 Sub-human priests transporting golden sacrifice to temple of the greed god

Ogre slaves using rope and greased logs to move stolen platinum pyramid topper
3 to dragon’s hoard
4 Beastman soldiery dragging (fully equipped) dead adventurers back to base

5 Heavily armed mercs escort underworld trader making bank deposit

6 Droppings indicate rock-eating worms recently passed through rich lode

7 Extra-deadly giant spider with gem eyes patrolling territory

8 Three tiny UFOs use tractor beams to carry off fully-loaded treasure chest
Ensorcelled plutocrats (with jewelry and fat purses) stagger drunkenly toward
9 lair of remote mind-control expert
10 Ransom delivery agents shadowed by squad of assassins

11 Crazed sub-human found bejewelled wand, now afraid to return to lair

Badly damaged and resource-depleted adventurers hauling hard-won loot (and
12 corpses of fallen cohorts)

176
 W

d12 Wandering Underworld Deities

Partial corporeal manifestation of Een the All-knowing: broadcasts blinding
1 white light made of information, all present must save or pass out from
involuntary download
Ytaan the god of discourse: a 12 ft. tall golden man in dapper toga spoiling for
2 debate
Grushakh the invisible man-ape demigod: bad ass result of an unholy union
3 between a mighty chief and Kruchtaki the simian goddess of stealth
4 The thousand-winged, innumerably taloned messenger god Urootha on a delivery
The Scrutinizing Gaze of Ga: a giant countenance takes shape on a wall, floor,
5 ceiling, rock, etc. and stares intently at those nearby
Ssisashi, god of snakes: temporarily occupied with digesting C’chihi the rat god
6 whose still-struggling outline protrudes from Ssisashi’s inert coils
7 The Roach Queen: scouting for site of next Holy Infestation
Blishnu the Serene: on levitating tour of the underworld, fires bolts of
8 enlightenment from his eye stalks
The Lords of the Worm Dance: wave and gyrate in ecstatic ritual, emit rhythmic
9 cacophony that beckons all worms to join in, oblivious to everything but their
strange musical pursuits
Kurgah the Underworld Excavator: blasts new passages and chambers into the
10 living stone
Blaskatal the fire god: investigates the world in the form of charming beggar girl
11 with flaming eyes, undecided on issue of triggering fiery apocalypse
Clakatan, Herald of the All-destroyer: a living thunderbolt bellowing out the
12 good news of impending doom to all and sundry

177
 d12 War Sorcery: Eldritch Bombs
W Idiocy bomb: goes off with a resounding howl of mocking laughter, forces w/
1 in range reduced to sub-moronic gibbering, yet retain full measure of self-
confidence
2 Re-animation bomb: dead in area of effect rise to fight again

3 Berserk bomb: dropped on friendly forces to induce mass battle-madness

Wormhole bomb: tiny black hole instantly transports targeted troops to Carcosa
4 or somewhere equally unpleasant
Reality bomb: triggers unpredictable shift in physical laws, a truly chaotic
5 weapon for use at wit’s end only
Fog of war bomb: following minor blast tornadic winds disseminate
6 impenetrable fog that mutes sound as well
Illusion bomb: initial smoke cloud reveals such images as a battalion of giant
7 warriors, saddled dragons with terror-knights astride, etc.
Cowardice bomb: radiation temporarily overrides courage, entire regiments
8 shriek like terrified children as they flee the battlefield
Metal-eater bomb: explosion sends scintillant powder into air, destroys metal
9 weapons, armor and implements at the molecular level
Tranquility bomb: blinding flash followed by shower of flower petals and glitter,
10 all in area of effect totally blissed out
Death ray bomb: pitch black mushroom cloud, shock wave appears as onrushing
11 cloud of screaming skulls
12 Hell-breach bomb: mutually assured destruction

Note on delivery system: Most frequently dropped by trained pteranodons, aero-squid

(high payload capacity), allied dragons or dirigible crews.

178
d12 Wasteland Attractions
Travelling gruel salesman: protected from harm by invisible spirits of former
W
1 customers
2 Wizard’s fireball/lightning bolt practice range and retreat
Paleogean quarry currently worked by hulking mummies (aided by unseen
3 monstrosities below ground)
4 Pilgrimage of the Death God’s acolytes seeking the ultimate enlightenment

5 Lizard farm and tannery operated by degenerate clan

6 Horde of vicious sub-humans with camel-like humps

Mighty lord and company gathering sub-human specimens for unspecified
7 experiments
Clandestine fossil hunting expedition funded by sorcerer’s league, concealed by
8 massive illusions
Heavily fortified supply depot of the Imperial army: they shoot first, questions
9 later
10 Mad wizard’s experimental dirigible facility

11 Cliff aerie of the condor-dogs

Procession of hulking mummies carrying massive blocks of granite to pyramid
12 construction site

d12 Weird Bats of the Underworld

1 Sucker bats: the lamprey eel of the Underworld, tolerated by large creatures

2 Man-face bats: normal bats w/maned and bearded human-like heads

3 Vulture bats: huge carrion eaters, viciously defend carcasses

4 Wound seekers: like ravens, attracted to sites of recent battle

5 Stench bats: emit defensive inky cloud of toxic gas when disturbed
Large mouth bats: huge filter feeders swoop around dining on aero-prawns and
6 the like
7 Moth bats: mindlessly attracted to light sources, often snuffing out torches

8 Singing bats: fly in complex formations, create mesmerizing harmonies

9 Hover bats: four-winged creatures buzz around like remote control helicopters
Assassin bats: picks victim and begins campaign of single attacks, inflicting
10 death by 1000 cuts
11 Spider bats: lost ability to fly; now scuttle along walls and ceilings, hunt in packs

12 Fluttering things: bat-wings with no bodies, a mystery of the Underworld

179
 d12 Weird Dragon Breath
W
1 Cascading waves of time: massively accelerated aging

2 Cone of serenity: save or achieve involuntary enlightenment

3 Blast of revulsion: subject unable to remain in the same physical space as dragon

4 Scintillant ray of hypnosis

5 Cloud of pathogens: 1d6 random diseases attack simultaneously

6 Miasma of resentment: dragon’s assailants turn against one another

7 Beam of luck: positive or negative at will

Illusion breath: rolls over scene replacing reality with phantasmal nightmare
8 visions, save for mere bewilderment
9 Spatter of digestive enzymes

10 Unstable gasses: torchbearers beware!

11 Cloud of misery: uncontrollable emotional meltdown, save for melancholia

Thunder storm breath: lightning, deafening peals, damaging winds propel
12 massive hailstones

d12 Weird Farmers

1 Dunkel the dirt farmer’s got a third eye that sees only the truth
Gurter the tiller has few friends, all of them rather credulous ghosts: he can
2 convince them of just about anything
Ah-ah, feral master of the plum grove has a single incredibly strong arm growing
3 out of the middle of his chest: he’s killed several in arm-wrestling exhibitions
4 Zat the bat herder shares an uncanny bond with the creatures of the night
Y’ruk’s turnip fields are guarded by huge black stag who may or may not
5 actually breath fire
Bro Craglor’s secret to bountiful harvests: surrounding fields with circle of gently
6 killed pixies
7 Widowed Zondor Kroom’s seven sons wear wraps to conceal their snake-beards
Awful Gonofle grows spell components on the side in exchange for zombie
8 night-labor
Caloo Barleyfield murders wanderers and scatters their bodies in his fields to
9 encourage swamp-ape soil fertilization
10 Ahkdar’s fields go untended since the sinkhole opened up, but he’s jollier than ever
By some unknown innate power Yeeurg the root harvester can speak every
11 known language + several unknown
Loaf Landus seems to sleep all day, yet somehow always has the best cart at
12 market, rivals willing to pool their resources for assassination fees

180
d12 Weird Menace in the Watery Deeps
W
1 Flesh-eating Little Mermaids

2 Sub-sirens that call fools to the crushing depths

3 Ruined headquarters of the Amphibious League: biologically altered wizards

Coral City of the highly intelligent, desperately envious but ultimately impotent
4 cephalopods
5 Super-colony of enlightened jelly

6 Liquid mercury beings and their incomprehensible machinations

7 Vile and despicable eel-men, sadistic toadies of the deep

8 The Sea-lich and her polyp army

9 Forbidden kelp forest of the Deep Elves

10 The Sessile Lords: collectors of knowledge, dispensers of wisdom

11 Moby Dicks

12 The Single-celled God

d12 Weird Perils in the Forest

1 Genocide war in progress: pixies vs. fairies

2 Pick-pocket squirrels and the Fagin-like treeman who protects/exploits them

3 The Skunk Whisperer and her reeking horde

4 The Leaf-covered Lord lies inert surrounded by worshipful druid/botanists

5 Canopy-dwelling Wise Monkeys

6 Log tower of the giant forester ants

7 Vampire chipmunks

8 Warband of Pygmies and their 9 ft. tall demigod champion

9 The Parliament of Ungulates

10 War profiteer with cargo of tiny weapons

11 Vengeful psychic tree fungus colony looking to hire assassins

12 Hidden enclave of perpetually drunken elves

181
 d12 Weird Pools
W The sacred pool of the cave beetle god: surrounded by millions of the tiny zealots
1 in droning prayer
2 The Black Soup of Life: coughs up random embryonic magical beasts
The cloning pool: any living thing touching the pool is perfectly cloned in 24
3 hours *
4 Purple baptismal pond of indelible staining

5 Pool of cold liquid gold: assumes normal state when exposed to sunlight

6 Booze pool: run-off from the deep dwarf distillery

Monster oasis: temporary detente between otherwise natural enemies,
7 adventurers not included
8 Translucent predatory protoplasm doing best impression of a pool
The pool of growth: any being or object fully immersed permanently doubles in
9 size
10 “Bottomless” pool: trans-dimensional portal
The waters of enlightenment: drinking imparts 1d6 minutes of god-like
11 intelligence followed by recuperative coma lasting 1d6 hours
12 Hot Tub of the Gods

* Naturally, the clone will not stop until it has killed and replaced the original

182
d12 What the Wizard Actually has Up His Sleeve
W
1 Viper familiar coiled around wrist
The ol’ endless stream of brightly-colored handkerchiefs for the amazement of
2 the witless

3 Smoke bombs to obscure hasty retreats

Satchel of gold-painted lead coins for scattering on floors to give pause to
4 impoverished attackers
Emergency scroll of invisibility (or whatever other spell of aid to personal safety
5 might be available)

6 Breakable packet of irritating powder

7 Nothing but a tasteful dab of eau de cologne

In case of amnesia/brain erasure: trigger words cunningly worked in to seemingly
8 decorative tattoo
Extremely humble extra dagger in forearm sheath, sentimental relic of initial
9 equipment purchase

10 Secret stash of healing potion for one

11 Live doves for wowing the easily astonished

12 Flask of hooch

d12 What’s on the Guard Monster’s Mind?

1 Literally waiting on other side of door for interlopers to smite, total job satisfaction

2 Complete devotion to aims of master, dog-like obedience

3 Blinding urge for wanton destruction barely held in check by training

4 Searing hatred for all that lives spurred on by frequent torture at master’s hands

5 Immeasurable hunger for flesh occludes all other concerns

6 Dedicated only to its own mission of annihilation

7 Pain from unhealed wound propels mad frenzy

8 Normal thoughts and behavior confused due to malnutrition

9 Addled by never-ending duty, looking to take it easy

10 Disgruntled with job, willing to bargain w/powerful opponents

Looking for bribes, doesn’t want trouble, more than happy to betray anybody for
11 profit
No longer cares one whit about it’s duty, merely showing up until something
12 better comes along

183
 d12 Whence the Demigod?
W
1 Mighty Sky-father digs mortals

2 Lord of Speedy Delivery expanding operations

3 Super-genius god of intellect conducting “experiments”

4 Monkey Czar up to his usual shenanigans

5 All-mother has a thing for eugenics

6 Rogue ex-member of the pantheon aiming to breed god-assassins

7 Star Bull remains irrepressible in this area

8 Fire god looking to create flame-cloaked half-mortal priesthood

Personification of mostly-impersonal Prime Mover on some kind of strange
9 bender
Incomprehensible entity masquerading as the popular war god, all about more
10 and better warriors
Perpetually famished outer being using mortals to give itself spiritual access to as
11 many additional mouths as possible
12 Raw Chaos seethes mindlessly but also enjoys the odd fling here and there

d12 What’s up with the Guy Behaving Mysteriously in the Tavern?

1 Fugitive from justice unused to status and on the brink of losing cool

2 Victim of brain erasure trying to ascertain identity

3 Deviant of some stripe seeking same for dating, possible long-term relationship

4 Undercover operative from government agency monitoring freelance adventurers

Reeling from interpretation of recently decoded ancient stele detailing imminent
5 apocalypse
6 Body controlled by sorcerer from remote location for nefarious purposes
Troubled by ramifications of recent involuntary enlightenment at the hands of a
7 powerful shaman
8 Early stage brain virus infestation, next stop: full blown delirium

9 Holding incredibly valuable and powerful artifact and looking for a buyer
Waiting for contact from crime syndicate, awkwardly working code words into
10 chit-chat
11 Clandestine visitor from another sphere trying to be nonchalant

12 Totally weirded out on black lotus

184
d12 Why So Dour, Dwarf?
W
1 Smaller than demi-human average pleasure centers in brain

2 Innate dwarf knowledge of life’s dark underpinnings

3 Takes forever to digest anything due to metabolic imperatives

4 Serious beings just don’t get off on screwing around

5 Reactionary stance re: elfish frivolity

6 Extremes of emotion inefficient not to mention unbecoming

7 The gods didn’t make this universe for you to play in, man

8 Best not to get one’s hopes up

9 Joviality and gem-cutting do not mix

10 Dwarf shoes crafted to be intentionally uncomfortable

11 Don’t let the dwarf god catch you smiling

12 You think life sucks? Just wait until the afterlife!

d12 Why the Ancient Empire Fell

1 Ultimate weapon invented and immediately implemented to full effect

2 Evolved intelligence just high enough to perceive the futility of it all

3 Victims of first unexpected return of the dinosaurs

4 Divine thumbs down: wave after wave of “natural” disasters

5 Created gigantic monsters to fight their battles: results inevitable

6 Sudden cosmic transition to currently known physical laws ruined everything

7 Institutional demon slavery led to genocidal revolt

Achieved such mastery of the physical world they got fat, lazy and subsequently
8 forgot how to do everything

9 Gave peace a chance, then beat plowshares back into swords

10 Created trans-planar portal, permanently abandoned this crappy universe

Philosophical breakthrough: attained universal enlightenment, stopped
11 reproducing

12 Partied themselves to death

185
W

d12 Why is there an Underworld?

1 Earth hollowed by extinct giant ants during paleogean Age of Giant Insects
Life began in crucible of chaos at center of the earth, only breaching the surface
2 after millions of years in the dark oceans below

3 Groundwork laid by primeval visitation of planet-eating cosmic worms

4 Aboriginal population of mole-men warped into surface races by renegade god

Surface evacuated by ancient ones after their twisted sorcery caused the
5 atmosphere to catch fire for 1000 years
Planet strip-mined by aliens, totally depleted of element vital to interstellar
6 travel, abandoned

7 Because of a lie the elf fathers told the first dwarf

The evil gods imprisoned at the earth’s core call out to be freed, their children
8 delve ever downward
Fossilized circulatory system of the dead earth god, upon whose corpse we all
9 feast
Down below where the goblins and kobolds dwell the god of retribution fuels his
10 spirit-powered engines of anguish with wicked souls
Provision of First God War armistice created a permanent division between
11 children of light and darkness, since nullified by renewed hostilities
Underground realms left over from first major revision of creation when
12 mountains rained from the sky to forever bury failed experiments

186
d12 Why They Built That Giant Wall
Shield against much-publicized catastrophic flood event that will not occur for
W
1 another thousand years

2 To protect the Crypts of the Gods from unwanted intrusion

3 To keep the dinosaurs in: inner wall festooned with special anti-lizard weaponry

4 To keep the land’s titanic original monarch out: loaded w/warding magic
As a barrier against the highly aggressive, intellectually challenged martial
5 society teeming beyond

6 Remnant of continent-encircling anti-magic dome of the ancients

To direct lava flows from currently dormant volcano as aqueduct toward enemy
7 cities
Following commandment from deity, to divide the people into divergent tribes
8 for an inscrutable purpose
Civilization A was all about loud parties and blood sacrifice, civilization B
9 thought the generations-long wall project well worth the effort

10 Gigantic toll wall erected by giants back in their entirely forgotten heyday
As a winding temple to once-preeminent snake god, whose vast skeleton remains
11 housed within
To permanently isolate hermetic order of yeti ascetics, largely successful, much
12 serenity beyond

187
W

d12 Wilderness Bivouac: Report from First Watch

1 Echoes of strange semi-musical pipings in the distance
Sudden gust of wind carried strong smell of smoke, diminished rapidly as wind
2 changed again

3 Spectral figure appeared near perimeter, muttered unpleasantly to itself, vanished

All quiet until stroke of lightning momentarily revealed countless menacing
4 silhouettes nearby
Huge luminous disc crossed sky, hovered briefly over encampment (hireling
5 missing)
Ambient outdoor noises instantly silenced, as if the wilderness itself was
6 listening for something, resumed after brief period of ineffable terror
At one point the night-baying of some predator specifically mentioned party
7 member by name

8 Harassed by flying insects that produce a noise like mocking laughter

Thick fog rolled in obscuring everything, seemed to contain tortured faces,
9 dissipated rapidly
Shooting stars fell in unprecedented numbers in the intended direction of the
10 expedition

11 Procession of thousands of rats passed by harmlessly

The earth trembled slightly w/scraping sounds from deep below ground, now
12 silent because its listening to us right now...

188
 W

d12 Wildernoise
1 Bleat of alarmed ungulate

2 Basso warble of some massive unknown songbird

3 Ululation: exceedingly moist, possibly of amphibious origin

Rumble of a seismic nature: retainers may be rattled, esp. if expected to go
4 underground
Weird shriek of a primate: could be a human or man-ape, too peculiar to say for
5 sure

6 Gallop as of many unshod hooves

7 Colossal footfall, seems to be moving off

8 Clamor: the clash of arms, or maybe just pots and pans

9 Din: a swarm of giant bugs or maybe a giants mill wheel, hard to say

10 Subterranean blast, first of a series (see entry 4)

11 Cracking timbers off in the distance, as if a colossus were gathering firewood

12 Eerie music (see subtable)

d12 Subtable: Eerie Music

1-2 Meandering noodlings of Elven jam band
Vaguely menacing halfling ditty, of a darker cast than
3-4 usual
Pixie choir: like 1000 cartoon chipmunks (save vs.
5-6 killing pixies required)
7-8 Devotionals of evil

9-10 Atonal troll yarping

11-12 Cacophonous ogre drum circle

189
d12 The Witch Doctor’s Utility Belt
Shrunken head array: selections span available sentient species, ensorcelled
W
1 variously (see subtable below)
2 Obsidian mind-control belt buckle with pulsating gem

3 Juju-loaded sling stones, sling enchanted for accuracy

4 Carefully stored tissue specimens from various enemies

5 Bottled spirit of malice

6 Customizable effigies w/a variety of miniature torture devices

7 Tubes filled with various powdered stupefying agents: nasal delivery system

8 Petrified dragon dung: wards off many hostile spirits

9 Bag of divining bones: remains of tiny unknown hominids

10 Astonishing variety of hand-held rhythm instruments

11 Exploding smoke capsules: many colors/pyrotechnic effects

12 Secreted flask of sanity-restoring hard liquor

d12 Subtable: Shrunken Head Powers

1-2 Emits deafening scream

3-4 Eyes snap open, blast out death rays

5-6 Hypno-gas cascades from mouth

7-8 Floats about psychically relaying sensory data

9-10 Serves as spiritual/transdimensional translator

11-12 Bites like hell

190
X

d12 Xenophobia in the Underworld

For use determining reactions when PCs encounter isolated or
little known beings in the abyssal depths of the Underworld
You can trust a surface man’s word, but gee are they powerful delicious/
1 nutritious
All surface dwellers hated in descending order by height, the tall produce the
2 staunchest fear and loathing, wee ones might be alright
Surface humans certainly reek to high heaven, but otherwise its anyone’s guess,
3 judge them on an individual basis
The creatures from above are so evil they think they’re good! Destroy them
4 before they can pollute your mind with their insane philosophies
Only a metal hat of some kind can save you from the surface people’s mind
5 control powers, shoot them from a distance and keep moving
Humans are blind, stupid, cruel, and greedy, but you can bamboozle them into
6 extremely lopsided deals to minimize unpleasantness
Those from the outer crust have many admirable qualities but living under the
7 open sky allows unfathomable entities from the void to warp their minds
They only come for one reason: our wealth, and they will do anything, absolutely
8 anything no matter how terrible, to get it
The surface folk are fools, patsies of the gods, to be pitied but exterminated
9 swiftly
10 Every time you kill a human an angel gets its wings
While unarguably hideous to view, with the appropriate training regimen,
11 humans can make perfectly serviceable slaves, bait them with treasure and try to
take them alive
Adventurers happen to match descriptions of prophesied harbingers of death
12 god’s imminence: fear, supplication

191
 Y

d12 Yeah, But THIS Troll...

Proselytizes for the troll god by offering sacramental samples of its flesh (see
1 subtable below)
2 Has one head controlling three troll bodies (two of which are headless)
Speaks several languages, attempts to rationally demonstrate why adventurers
3 should sell him one or more party members
4 Bleeds healing potion

5 Produces new heads/limbs when severed as per hydra

6 Continuously bellows out song of derangement

7 Multiplies via dismemberment

Has vestigial bat wings, shafts of crimson light radiating from eyes and exhales
8 black smoke
Regenerates imperfectly: current form is semi-ambulatory mash-up of extra
9 limbs, organs, heads, eyes, etc.
10 Is so rubbery it literally bounces everywhere like a rubber ball
Is ashamed of its own nakedness, would trade much to be outfitted as
11 sophisticated urbanite
Just ate a 500 year old cask of spirits, suddenly plunged into deep introspection,
12 searching for mirror to stare into awaiting epiphany of self-knowledge

d12 Effects of Consuming Sacramental Troll-flesh

1-2 Grow unsightly troll nose (smell troll-prey up to 10 miles distant)

3-4 Develop trollish appetites

5-6 Hair changes into shock of spiny bristles

7-8 Skin becomes green rubber-hide

9-10 Congratulations! You now regenerate.

11-12 Transformation to troll form complete in 72 hours

193
 d12 Yeah, But THIS Vampire...
Y
1 Transmutes at need into black ooze form

2 Drinks only the blood of halflings

3 Has swollen to gross immensity after gorging on village

4 Emits hypnotic vapor cloud from mouth

5 Takes the shape of a giant chigger

6 Sucks blood from toothed orifices on palms

7 Is the size of a horsefly

8 Must sleep for a fortnight

9 Can only be killed thusly

10 Repelled by recitation of verse

11 Has 20ft. long prehensile blood-sucking tongue

Will leave you alone if you can beat it in a strictly moderated tournament-style
12 miniatures wargame

194
 Z

d12 Zealots in the Streets

Trio of totally nude, heavily muscled missionaries, complete mythic story arc of
1 terrible deity encoded in highly detailed pictogram tattoos covering 99.9% of
their bodies, presented with much ritual posing and flexing
Gaggle of black sarong-clad death worshippers hurrying off to nearby shrine for
2 massive auto-annihilation ceremony
Flagellites of extremely ascetic order give each other shots across the shins w/
3 wicked bamboo implements while chanting on interminably
Thooloo’s Witnesses politely inform all encountered of imminent doom and
4 inescapable damnation, distribute pamphlets loaded with scary woodcuts
Acolytes of the Beatdown God twist their mustachios, roll up their sleeves,
5 command passersby to put up their dukes and settle things like men i.e. no-
holds-barred bare knuckle brawling sans unmanly war implements
Priestess of Aggrox the Axe Lord more than willing to demonstrate the
6 superiority of her faith using the legendary Axe of Helm-Cleaving punctuated
judiciously w/volleys of throwing axes of certain disarmament
Jolly Templar of the Cosmic Brewmaster wears barrel on back, dispenses pints
7 in exchange for a short song of praise for deity, monkey sidekick w/waterskin
backpack washes mugs, juggles, dances amusingly to songs
Outfitted in flipper and fin-adorned wetsuits w/begoggled pope hats, underworld
8 sea god devotees harangue pedestrians w/promises of eternal holiday at
Undersea-side resort/temple
Haughty missionaries of the God of Conspicuous Consumption drip w/
9 expensive-looking baubles, too snooty to proselytize to adventuring riff-raff
Unholy combination of busker/bard/cleric of the beauty god yodels out super-
10 catchy devotionals with insidiously memorable hooks, saving throw vs.
throwing contribution into lute case
Demi-material missionary ghosts roam about, issue reports of full afterlife
satisfaction for the faithful should they devote their remaining days to serving
11 Paxamamnon the Colossal Sculptor of Worlds, single commandment: destroy
all sorcerers
Yyrgh the Celestial Organizer requires a golden pyramid for unexplainable
reasons, his shaved, oiled, yellow toga-clad worshippers must accumulate
12 building materials by taking on menial jobs like torchbearer, treasure-hauler,
legitimately earned gold delivered to convenient pyramid-shaped depositories
throughout city

195
 Quick Reference
Character
Background
Bad News, oracle therefrom, 113
Classes
Clerics, 9
Dwarves, 10
Elves, 11
Fighters, 12
utterances, dying, 120
Magic Users, 13
Death
Raise Dead, side effects, 129
Reports, from beyond negative hit points, 131
Injury
Freak Outs, fear induced, web only
Poison, successful save effects, 142
Trauma
blunt force, 148
Post Traumatic Dungeon Disorder (PTDD), symptoms, 148
Dressing
City
Attire, outrageous, 115
Edicts, usurper king, 131
Imperatives, cult, 23
Laws, peculiar, 118
Mansion, features, eccentric plutocrat, 60
Setbacks, financial, unforeseen, 169
Societies, secret, 133
Times, hard, 75
Dungeon
Aesthetic, 35
Boons, 164
Ceiling (It’s there!), 87
Connections, love, 46
Corpses, various, 22

197
 Corridor, puzzling evidence therein, 123
Delusions, 37
Doors, various weird, 56
Room, empty, details, 26
Fluids, various, found in a well, 63
Gross-Outs, cheap, 21
Kickstarters, 45
Stocking
Level 1, 40
Level 2, 41
Level 3, 42
Level 4, 43
Restock, 108
Pit, things found therein, 6
Pools, weird, 182
Sounds, 35
Statuary, various mundane, 50
Theories, conspiracy, 36
Town
Customs, farmers, rustic, 132
Secrets, dark, 86
Underworld
Accommodations, 155
Afflictions, 155
Effects, long term exposure, 160
“Why does it exist?”, 186
Xenophobia, 191
Wilderness
Ditch, found dead within, 63
Fallen Moon, features found thereon, 81
Giant Wall, reasons for building, 187
Paleogean Serpentine Mound, found under, 154
Sounds, 189
Encounters
City
Night, 143
Zealots, in the streets, 195

198
 Dragon
Breath, weird, 180
Gullet, world dragon contents, 29
Hoard, contents, current favorite, 24
Obsession, current, 85
Prisoners, other, 33
Mind, state of, 34
Irritants, ancient, 140
Types, weird, 7
Weaknesses, formerly secret, 31
Who’s on?
Guest list, 33
Menu, 32
Dungeon
Humanoid, reaction, 78
Monsters
fleeing, 62
motivations, 183
Pets, unusual, 170
Relationships, symbiotic, 142
relocation, 49
tiny, 151
wandering, 175
wandering, self-righteously, 176
Plagues, 48
Giant
Curio Cabinet, contents, 84
Lunchbox, contents, 22
(stone), Building projects, 16
Gods
Deities
Underworld, 177
Unfathomable, 168
Demi-
distinguishing characteristics, 28
whence they came?, 184

199
 Liches
Activities, Downtime, 96
Guest List, 97
Identity, Secret, 97
Interest, Love, 96
Monsters, general
Abominations, gentle/kindly, 68
Beasts, hench-, utility, 106
Charming side, 102
Death Requirements, villain, almost indestructible, 3
Demons, Devils, 25
Dwellers, lightless pits, 51
Gigantic, 70
Inhabitants, hell, lesser, 76
Knights, best avoided, 91
Liquids, Gases and Vapors, living, 136
Monster Generator, gonzo, pulp, 146
Necromancer, projects, re-animation, 130
Ogre, hoard, contents, 89
Oozes, random, 130
Orc, lair intrusions, unexpected, 166
Phantasmal Irritants, 119
Shades, vengeful, 173
Trolls, traits, unique, 193
Vampires, traits, unique, 194
Were-Things, semi-unknown, 158
Witch, workshop, contents, 83
Sorcerer
Appearance, last known, 93
Breakthroughs, latest, 141
Derangements, 100
Overnight Bag, contents, 82
Target, Assassination, 150
Tower
Domestics, on duty, 28
Security Measures, 135
Town
Farmers, weird, 180
Residents, inn, 4

200
 Underworld
Bats, weird, 179
Entertainments, 157
Festivals and Holy Days, 158
Hunting/Foraging Rresults, 158
Non-Combatants, 107
Parasites, benevolent, 15
Sporting Events
general therein, 162
Olympiad, all-humanoid, 57
Steam Vents, found nearby, 79
Vessels
general, 162
river, 161
Worms, giant, 69
Wilderness
Colossal UFO, mountaintop, occupants found therein, 110
First Watch, events during, 188
Forest, weird perils therein, 181
Frozen Wastes, additional nuisances, 1
Giant Caldera, found luxuriating within, 87
Mountaintop, wonders and perils found thereon, 103
Pleistocene Island, features of, 61
Rain Forest, strange doings within, 144
Savannah, strangeness thereon, 145
Skies, haunting therein, 76
Swamp, oddities found therein, 111
Travelers, caravan, 114
Wasteland, attractions therein, 179
Watery Deeps, weird menaces therein, 181
Items
Atypical
Ass, pain in 117
Desk, contents, 6
Documents, puzzling, 123
Gems, psychoactive, 132
Sarcophagus, found therein, 167
Smuggler’s Hold, contents, 142
Treasure, wandering, 176

201
 Witch doctor, utility belt contents, 190
Worm, colossal, gastric obstructions, 67
Enchanted
Bombs, eldritch, war sorcery, 178
Conveniences, rich and sorcerous, 53
Curses, strange, terrible, 144
Footwear, gonzo, 74
Magic Items, less popular, 94
Missile Weapons, renowned, 54
Potions, side effects, 170
Researches, ill-advised, magical, 80
Scrolls, cursed, 64
Spellbook, philosopher’s, 82
Spellbook, stolen, entries obscure within, 118
Spells, divine, 149
Spells, unknown, 169
Sword,
Awesomizer, 99
Famous, whereabouts, 59
Unguents, over the counter, 116
Utterances, magic mouth (malfunctioning), 172
Gonzo
Footwear, 74
Weapons, bio-, 70
Mundane
Chest, contents, 145
Evil priest, vestments, hidden within, 88
Master thief, body, secreted upon, 134
Messages, intercepted, underworld messenger service, 101
Mighty warrior, found thereon or around, 111
Paladin’s Warhorse, found thereon, 65
Treasure Map, hazards and obstacles indicated on, 109
Merchandise, pricey, wilderness outfitter 122
Underworld
Cash Crops, 156
Currency, 156
Intoxicants, commonly abused, 159
Subterranean Beach, found thereon, 150

202
 Index
Italics indicate the word is either not the main subject, or it is used as
an adjective (ex. “The town was destroyed by a giant,” or giant flower)

Acolytes, 4, 114, 176, 179, 195

Adventurer, 4, 108, 130, 131, 143, 167, 176
Dead, 22, 23, 87
Antediluvian, 5, 86, 87
Ape , 106, 117, 144, 147, 151, 155, 157, 161
Arachnids, 39, 40, 49, 57, 70, 87, 90, 108, 122, 144, 155, 158, 161, 170, 179
Aristocrat (see Noble)
Armor, 24, 45, 113, 123, 142, 146, 151
Helmet, 84, 94
Telepathic, 5
Shield, 67, 84, 94
Assassin, 45, 46, 60, 97, 113, 114, 130, 147, 176, 179, 184
Targets of, 150, 180
Astral, 6, 81, 97, 145
Bacteria, 5, 15, 21, 39, 48, 51, 76, 87, 110
Badger, Sabre Toothed, 6
Barbarian (see Fighter)
Bard, 33, 119, 195
Bat, 110, 145, 158, 179
Aether, 8
Dead, 23
Giant, 32
Intellectual, 87
Land, 51
Shriek, 16
Telepathic, 32
Blood, 21, 23, 26, 37, 48, 49, 62, 89, 90, 105, 106, 136
Sacrifice, 86, 90, 105, 187
Thirst for, 15, 25, 68, 113, 138, 164, 194
Boats (Ships, etc.), 23, 27, 67, 76, 150, 161, 162

203
Body Parts, 70, 76
Mummified, 111, 115
Prosthetic, 5, 6
Real, 6
Bones, 6, 21, 23, 26, 123, 156, 163, 190
Books (Tomes, etc.); Non-Magical, 64, 65, 88, 123, 134
Spell, 82, 84, 118, 150, 172
Breath
Odiferous, 91, 160, 170
Weapon, 31, 70, 180
Building, 2, 8, 15, 16, 27, 28, 41, 60, 81, 83, 95, 110, 135, 145, 179, 181
Caravan, 49, 114
Catastrophes, 2, 17-20, 75, 105, 113
Cephalopod (see Tentacles)
Chain-gang, 38, 40
Chaos, 18, 105, 133, 146, 157, 163, 184
Chest (Box, etc.), 6, 22, 65, 82, 89, 117, 145, 150, 176
City, 45, 101, 115, 118, 121, 143, 163, 181
Dark Secrets of, 86
Financial Setbacks in, 169
Galcierites, Lost , 1
Rats, 6
Residents, 23
Cleric (Priest, Bishop, etc.), 3, 4, 9, 38, 45, 46, 63, 96, 114, 129, 147, 150, 195
Patron Deity of, 80
Clothing, 88, 89, 115, 145
Cloak, 83
Disguise, 88, 150
Fancy-dress, 4
Glove(s), 6, 122, 134
Harness of Prosthetic Limbs, 5
Headband, 5, 6
Shoes (Boots, Slippers, etc.), 74, 94
Undergarments, 6, 82
Comet, 8
Courier, 101, 114, 145, 176, 177
God of, 184
Imperial, 4
Curse, 144

204
Crystal Ball, 2
Cultural Quirks, 125-127, 132, 158
Demons (see Devils)
Devils, 25, 28, 32, 53, 67, 90, 96, 103, 105, 107, 136, 150, 151, 163, 164
Prince, 17, 24, 112
Dinosaurs, 1, 17, 27, 49, 61, 187
Dirigible, 8, 58, 178, 179
Disease (Illness, Plague, etc.), 48, 105, 118, 141, 142, 144, 150, 155, 176, 180, 184
Cure for, 15, 45, 49
Disintegration, 5, 110
Transportation via, 8
Dog, 28, 76, 87, 114, 119, 136, 141, 170, 179
Door (see Portal)
Dragon(s), 7, 46, 62, 112, 116, 140, 143, 147, 164, 178, 190
Breath of, 180
Current Obsession of, 85
Dead, 22, 81
Gourmet Night, 32, 33
Prisoners of, 33
Mind, State of, 34
Treasure of, 24
Weakness, 31
Drugs (Intoxicants, Moldy Bread, etc.), 9, 75, 94, 103, 146, 156, 159, 190
Dungeon, 18, 21, 22, 26, 35-50, 62-64, 70, 73, 85, 87, 90, 95, 101, 108, 114,
116, 123, 127, 130, 132, 136, 145, 147, 151, 155, 156,
160, 164, 165, 170, 171
Levels, 40-44
Wandering the, 75, 176
Dwarf, 10, 42, 44-46, 79, 110, 111, 155, 185
Dead, 22, 23
Earthquake, 17, 20, 69
Elf, 11, 71, 181, 166, 186
Dead, 22, 63
Entrances/Exits
City State of Rats, 6
Forbidden Pleasure Dome…Gods, 1
Explorer (see Adventurer)

205
Extra-Planetary (-Planar), 2, 8, 15, 18-20, 27, 72, 76, 81, 86, 95, 103, 121, 136,
141, 145, 150
Metals, 67
Near Death Experience, 131
UFO, 18, 61, 110, 151, 176, 188
Faeries (Pixies, etc.), 87, 108, 145, 147, 151, 156, 181
Ice, 1
Fear (Scared, etc.), 51, 160
Death by, 3
Fighter, 12, 38, 46, 62, 91, 114, 120,126, 165
Barbarian, 13, 23, 71, 108, 116, 150, 166
Dead, 22, 23, 31, 33, 63, 67, 111, 125, 150, 166, 171, 173
Dying, 120
Knight, 4, 18, 91, 135, 155
Paladin, 176
Ranger, 73, 114
Retired, 28
Why We Fight, 61
Film/Video Footage, 2
Floor, 26, 35, 39, 51, 123, 177, 183
Flora, 39, 76, 81, 87, 90, 95, 121, 150, 156, 167, 181
Sentient, 20, 27, 145
Fluids (see Liquids)
Food, 111
Dispenser, 5
Giants, 22
Fungi (Molds, etc.), 15, 33, 38, 39, 51, 75, 76, 90, 105 108, 135, 146, 156,158,
163,181
Furniture, 26, 87
Desk, 6
Gasses (Vapors, Fogs, etc.), 41, 72, 79, 87, 93, 96, 136, 142, 146, 188
Gate (see Portal)
Gems (see Treasure)
Ghosts, 70, 73, 76, 96, 97, 99, 109, 110, 118, 119, 126, 131, 151, 154, 167, 173, 175
Domesticated, 28
Useless, 6
Wolf King’s pack, 1

206
Giants, 32, 68, 75, 87, 97, 105, 110, 122, 142, 155, 163
Buildings of, 16
Curio Cabinet of, 84
Dead, 22, 23
Enslaved by, 2
Fire, 1, 32, 79, 87, 117
Frost, 1, 89
Giantess, 101, 103
Lunchbox of, 22
Sounds of, 16
Stone, 165, 166
Treasure of, 24
Gods, 9, 18, 36, 49, 87, 103, 107, 113, 118, 121, 127, 130, 149, 150, 176, 181, 184
Abandoned Projects of, 27
Battle of, 2, 15, 20, 110
Demigod, 28
Hot Tub of, 182
Ill-tidings of, 80
Moon, 81
Parliament of, 2
Thor, 9, 17
Treasure of, 24
Unfathomable, 18-20, 168
Wandering, 177
Gonzo, 19, 70-74, 146
Gygax, 131
Halfling, 3, 16, 33, 86, 96, 102, 165
Dead, 63
Hell, 15, 76, 95, 151
Prince of, 17, 24
Hemlock, 3
Hirelings, 18, 23, 64, 73, 147, 171
Dead/Missing, 30, 188
Hitler, 97
How the Gang Got Together, 77
Hurricane (see Storm)
Idol , (see Statues)
Ink, 6
Inn (Hotel, Motel, Holiday Hostel, etc.), 4, 130, 155, 169, 184

207
Insanity, 9, 18-20, 37, 71, 81, 122, 129, 131, 148, 153, 160, 163, 176, 178, 183, 184
Insect, 6, 15, 21, 25, 26, 28, 33, 39, 42, 51, 68, 70, 76, 106, 111, 116, 144, 151,
158, 162, 164, 181
Flying, 87, 90, 95, 106, 108, 109, 129, 141, 165, 188
Island(s), 15, 61, 112, 121
Jewelry (see Treasure)
Keys, 72, 88,145, 150, 164
Knight (see Fighter)
Labyrinth
Ice, 1
Liquids, 63, 136
Lizards, 49, 79, 146, 158, 179, 187
Love (Lust, Sex, etc.), 11, 15, 28, 46, 47, 91, 96, 123, 126, 139
Lover, 101, 113
Vulnerability, 3
Lycanthrope, 72, 81, 86, 138-139, 154, 162
Magic Users, 4, 6, 13, 32, 40-42, 45, 46, 82, 93, 101, 136, 144, 147, 150, 165,
166, 183
Cryomancer, 1
Dead, 22, 173
Experiments/Research by, 2, 17, 93, 100, 141
Laboratory/Observatory/Tower/Etc., 8, 15, 28, 41, 83, 95, 110, 135, 179, 181
Necromancer, 13, 41, 44, 49, 62, 110, 130
Witch, 42, 49, 75, 83, 95, 154
Witch Doctor, 13, 84, 89, 157, 190
Maps, 4, 87, 109, 123
Medusa, 49
Mermen, 44
Messages (Frescoes, Notes, etc.), 6, 26, 41, 82, 88, 101, 111, 123, 145, 150, 167,
172
Messiah, 17, 20
Monkey, 144, 181, 184, 195
Moon, 2, 3, 15, 72, 90, 109, 145
In the Blasted Lands of, 81
Mountains, 16
Mummy (see Undead)
Musical Instruments, 6, 33
Mutilation, 125
Head bisected, 3
Mouth sewn shut, 3

208
NPCs, 180, 184
Aristocrats/Nobles, 4, 114, 127, 143, 150
Ogres, 16, 28, 32, 33, 38, 40, 45, 46, 49, 90, 131, 143, 147, 157, 161, 162, 166
King’s Hoard 89
Orcs, 18, 21, 147, 161, 166
Ooze(s) (Puddings, Slimes, Jellies, etc.), 15, 22, 39, 40, 46, 62, 75, 108, 109,
111, 143, 147, 151, 155, 161, 166, 167
Nightmare of, 2
Random, 130
Space, 8, 72
Oracle, 6, 113
Paralysis, 129
Parasites, 51, 67, 82
Benevolent, 15
Perfume, 82, 84, 183
Personality Traits, 77, 100, 102, 125-127, 132, 153, 160, 183, 185, 191
Pig (see Swine)
Pimp, 38
Pit (see Traps)
Poison (Toxin), 6, 23, 37, 60, 70, 90, 93, 109, 134, 142, 156, 161, 164, 171, 190
Cure by, 49
Cure for, 15, 106, 116
Polyhedron, 84
Dodecahedron Outcomes Oracle, 30
Magical/Treasure , 24
Power of, 8
Sphere, Omniscent, 5
Pool, 28, 48, 158, 182
Lava, 117
Molten Gold, 81
Whirl-, 29
Portal
Magical (Cosmic, Mystical), 6, 15, 16, 90
Weird, 56, 87
Potions, 4, 31, 44, 53, 80, 94, 116, 120, 145, 150, 170, 183, 190, 193
-like Effects, 111, 141, 156, 159, 164, 182
Side-effects 170
Rats, 6, 51, 62, 111, 144, 151, 158, 166, 173, 188
Dead, 123

209
Relics, 65
Antediluvian, 5
Ring, 6
River, 22, 42, 44, 109, 161, 163
Rogue (see Thief)
Rumors, 36, 37, 191
Sage, 4
Salesman, 4, 38
Sarcophagus, 24, 162, 167
Screams (see Sounds)
Scrolls, 24, 64, 80, 82, 93, 183
Sculptor, 4
Seas (Lakes, Oceans, Ponds, etc.), 15, 44, 163, 181
Secret Societies, 133
Serpent, 41, 70, 154, 183
Skeleton, 23, 29, 48, 167, 187
Animated, 39, 40, 41, 110, 130, 173, 175
Slugs (Snails, etc.), 41, 44, 49, 51, 57, 70, 73, 146, 155, 157, 158, 162
Snake (see Serpent)
Sorcerer (see Magic Users)
Soul, 27, 76, 88, 96, 156, 186
Eater of, 6, 25
Sounds, 35, 41, 42, 172, 188, 189
Listening at Door, 132
Screams, 16, 120
Spells, 24, 64, 80, 82, 129, 136, 144, 149, 169, 175, 178
Spider (see Arachnids)
Spirits (see Ghosts)
Spores (see Parasites)
Sports, 57, 121, 138, 161, 165
Statues (Idols, etc.), 24, 50, 84, 89, 142, 145, 163
Storm, 17, 76, 105, 112, 138, 180
Subhuman, 40, 42, 44, 46, 49, 96, 147, 157, 176, 179
Subterranean, 10, 15, 20, 38, 42, 44, 45, 48, 49, 55, 68, 69, 86, 107, 150, 157,
162, 189
Gas, 105, 138
Water, Body of, 44, 48, 59, 117

210
Sun , 71, 110, 176
-dweller, 73, 87, 121
Eclipse of, 17
Powered by, 20
Swamp, 6, 23, 111, 136
Swine, 61,112, 138,145
Teleport, 8, 53, 90, 162
Temple, 4
Tentacles, 28, 51, 68, 70, 76, 90, 97, 106, 135, 161
Thief, 3, 4, 6, 14, 40, 62, 131, 134, 150, 173, 181
Dead, 22, 173
Time Travel, 3, 17, 118, 136, 163
Torch, 73, 119, 122, 123, 136, 148, 155
-bearer, 62, 147, 171, 173, 180, 195
Town (see City)
Transplantation (Grafting), 80, 96, 100
Bat ears, 5
Demon Wings, 8
Harness of Prosthetic Limbs, 5
Transport, 17, 76, 111, 156, 162, 178
Trap, 8, 26, 42, 87, 95, 153
Building/Detection of, 72, 73, 147, 148, 154
Giant, 16
Pit, 6, 16, 21, 29, 113, 164
Treasure, 82, 83, 113, 117, 119, 156
Furniture, 67
Gems, 24, 122, 134, 154
Gold(en), 5, 24, 65, 81, 96, 121, 145
Jewelry, 24
Magical, 53, 65, 74, 83, 94, 141, 164, 190
Mundane, 84, 88, 89
Wandering, 176
Trebuchet
Giant, 16
Trans-cosmic, 2, 8
Tree (see Flora)
Trolls, 20, 44, 46, 101, 112, 122, 143, 193
Dead, 63
Half, 71

211
Turtle, 112, 145, 161
Undead, 20, 49, 83, 119, 129, 130, 147
Knight, 91
Lich, 48, 70, 85, 90, 96, 97, 123, 181
Mummy, 24, 32, 55, 90, 96, 97, 165, 167, 179
Skeletons, 40
Zombie, 118, 135
Underworld, 18, 23, 36, 42, 44, 57, 69, 73, 75, 86, 101, 156, 157-159, 160, 161-
163, 176, 177, 186, 191, 195
Unicorn, 33, 157, 176
Vampire, 13, 16, 21, 44, 46, 49, 62, 108, 123, 142, 143, 154, 157, 165, 167, 181
Gandhi, 68
Nightmare of, 2
Transport via, 8
Victims (Corpses, Dead, etc.), 6, 15, 22, 23
Village (see City)
Villain
Death Requirements of, 3
Enemy of City-state, 55
Virgin, 3, 9, 33, 75, 85, 142, 145
Virus, 82, 151, 164
Visions (Dreams, Hallucinations, etc.), 13
Apocalyptic, 2, 18
Holy, 9, 17
Volcano, 17, 20, 170, 187
Garden, 1
Vortex, 15
Walls, 16, 131, 135
Reason for Building, 187
Warlocks (see Magic Users)
Warrior (see Fighter)
Wasteland, 179

212
Weapons, 67, 70, 89, 117, 118, 134, 142, 175, 178
Angel-bone, 3
Cannon, Disintegrate/Reintegrate, 5
Dagger, 5, 111, 113, 183
Dragon Slayer, 16
Gun, 5, 82
Hammer, 5
Missiles, 54, 117, 190
Sword, 65, 80, 87, 120, 123, 175
Awesomizer, 99
Famous, 59
Moon-copper, 3
Transport via, 8
Wilderness, 12, 23, 17, 61, 81, 93, 114, 122, 126, 130, 179, 188
Frozen Wastes, 1
Wine, 10, 38, 82
Immersion in, 3
-skin, 108, 120, 155
Wizards (see Magic Users)
Worms, 15, 39, 67-69, 75, 79, 93, 121, 155, 161, 163
Beard of, 144
Yeti , 155
Ascetic, 8, 103
Zealot, 46, 88, 114, 129, 154, 161, 166, 182, 195

213
NOTES
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