POPA TEODORA IULIA

IBA, MASTER 1

DAY OF COMPASSION

How did you define compassion?

In conducting my ‘day of compassion’, I had to define what compassion was to me first. Defining it

was very difficult since I did not know where to set the standards. Coming up with something

arbitrary, I defined compassion rather loosely as being ‘caring, loving, merciful and empathic’ to

other people. I tried to keep my efforts solely on a domestic basis so that there would be no

misinterpretations if I had done it to my friends on campus or people I did not know. Also, my family

would appreciate my efforts more. I am not a very compassionate person. I believe in living life for

me, like I want and this assignment seemed to be a bit difficult. Being compassionate, would mean to

be aware and take care of others’ feelings, ensuring that the feelings of others are also taken into

account. It is not just sympathy to the under privileged or the down trodden, but compassion is being

true to oneself, of giving whatever you can to others without any thought about reaping benefits.

Compassion is showing you care. A hug, a smile, and an old toy - anything can be a sign of

compassion.

Who were the recipients of your efforts? (Describe what you did on your Day of Compassion)

I think that a change in my disposition and demeanor such as becoming more compassionate, and in

fact any deviation from my usual candor and attitudes would always elicit wonder and suspicion. This

is one of the features of social psychology wherein a change in demeanor may be interpreted

negatively. It may be implied that compassion has an ulterior motive to its presence. My family would

greatly appreciate my efforts in being compassionate and caring instead of the next ordinary person or

acquaintance.

Personally, the compassionate version of myself gave me great fulfillment especially in seeing how

my family appreciated my efforts and reciprocated them just as easily. I think that this also gives

insight into how behavior may be transmitted throughout society. One can serve as an example to
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others to elicit the same behavior. Examining my experience, I could see that some psychological

factors tended to prevent me from being more compassionate. These factors mostly had to do with the

dynamics of my family and the status quo of affection and compassion that was the norm within my

family.

For example, because of the relative age of me and my siblings, we found it difficult to express

sentiments of affection, caring, and love. Being so busy with public life and livelihood such as

studies, career, and work, and being used to be professional all the time, compassion is usually

forgotten in lieu of proper work ethic and practice. A Day of Nonconformity In my experience in this

activity, once again defining the concept to be operationalized was of primary difficulty. Determining

the minimum and maximum criteria or behavior that would characterize being nonconformist was a

challenge.

I decided to try my ‘side of compassion’ right from the time I jumped out from bed. Living with my

best friend, I am often inconsiderate about her love of keeping the apartment spic and span. I am the

sort of person who loves to throw things randomly, and clean up once or twice a week, usually on a

weekend. This day I decided to wake up a bit early and start helping around. I helped her with the

cleaning and other small things that I completely neglect, especially being very busy during the week

days. The effect was good that I even thought of making it a regular routine.

My second turn to be considerate came at the parking lot. Being a crowded day, and the parking lot

being a bit difficult to manoeuvre I was finding it difficult to find a vacant spot. A guy who just got

out from a car suggested a way of driving so that I can park my car at a distant spot, which I had

missed because of the difficulty of reaching there. With the help of that guy I was able to find a space

in time. On any other day I would thank him and walk away. But, being my day of compassion, I

decided to help another similar late comer, trying to find a spot. I passed on the help I received, and

that guy walked away with not even a nod or a smile. Usually I would be infuriated about the lack of

acknowledgment, but then I felt happy, just that I was able to pass on the help.
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The next chance came after class. One of my classmates looked dull, unlike her usual self. She is one

of the most upbeat people to be around. I approached her and talked to her, and just stood with her.

She didn’t divulge what was eating her up, but she was cheerful enough to come with me for a lunch.

We talked about classes, future plans and life in general. I had assignments due, friends to hang out

with, and other things in mind. But sensing she needed someone I sincerely tried hard to bring a small

change. How far I succeeded is unknown to me, but it was good to hang with a classmate I hardly talk

to.

If your behavior was different than normal, which person did you like more: the "Day of

Compassion you" or the "normal you"? If you preferred the "Day of Compassion you," what

are the psychological factors that prevent this "you" from coming out?

These were just small attempts to change myself to become compassionate about the day-to-day

events. It wasn’t great things that others would remember their entire life, but simple acts that made

me happy about this assignment. I was overall more satisfied about the day.

I absolutely loved this version of me. It’s given rise to a new side of me, which I’m so happy about.

As far as preventive factors are concerned, I’ve always been so preoccupied with my own life, that I

never gave thought to helping others. I used to always tell myself that I have my entire life remaining

to help people, but this assignment made me realize that it’s never too early to help someone in need.

The psychological factors that I feel that make me from being compassionate are:

Attribution Theory: Attribution theory is concerned with how individuals interpret events and how

this relates to their thinking and behavior (University of Twente, 2014). The Day of Compassion can

be linked to this because this event definitely translated into a change of my thinking and behaviour.

Self-Perception Theory: Self-Perception Theory, proposed by Daryl Bem, suggests that people

develop attitudes and opinions by observing their own behaviour and drawing conclusions from it
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(Alleydog, 2014). By observing how I felt after helping the ones around me, I’m definitely going to

try to develop an attitude towards helping other people.

Self-Verification Theory: Self-verification is a social psychological theory that focuses on people’s

desire to be known and understood by others (Self-verification, 2014). I think that more than myself,

this theory applies to the persons that I encountered. All of them have such an innocent desire for

people to understand them, and look past their present situations.

Social Penetration Theory: Social Penetration Theory asserts that as relationships develop persons

communication from superficial to deeply personal topics, slowing penetrating the communicators'

public persona to reach their core personality or sense of self (Oregon State University, 2014). I think

this theory applies extremely well to the process I went through.

Altruism: Self-sacrifice for the benefit of others (Altruists, 2014). In this case, however, I guess the

only thing that I sacrificed was my time, which I definitely gained back in the form of personal

satisfaction that I received by helping others. So, although this was meant to be for the benefit of

others, I was the one who gained the most from it, as this experience will truly play a huge role in

shaping my future.

What are the psychological costs and benefits of behaving compassionately? In your view, do

the benefits outweigh the costs?

The psychological costs associated with behaving compassionately would only constitute of

immense guilt and sadness. Guilt in the sense of realizing about all the time we’ve wasted not

helping people. And the sadness would be in the sense of feeling pity for other people. The

benefits associated with behaving compassionately would include the self-satisfaction of

bringing a smile to someone’s face due to your own actions.

Being a girl of few words and deeds, I find it extremely difficult to cross this way of thinking.

The benefits were the filling of accomplishment, and true cheerfulness. This is achievable

only through helping others.

How did others respond to your compassion? Do you think they noticed a difference in your

behavior? What attributions did people make for your behavior, and why?

The day of compassion made me come across three people whom I could be a little considerate with –

my partner, a stranger and an acquaintance. The response too varied accordingly. My best friend was

pleasantly surprised, and we had a good time, unlike the other days when it’s a busy morning with

both of rushing to out respective places. The stranger was too naive to even recognize it as a good

deed, and moved on with not so much as a backward glance. My acquaintance was a bit taken aback

first, as I do not take time to be with anyone other than my group pf friends. It was a varied response,

and it was a pleasure to watch their reactions at my change in behavior.

If you wanted to encourage others to behave as you did during the Day of Compassion, what

psychological techniques would you use? How can psychology be used to foster a more

compassionate society?

If you were to predict your behavior one month from now, do you think it will be changed in

any way as a result of participating in the Day of Compassion? If so, how? If not, why not?

I am very much intending to stop a moment and help others. It takes a few minutes more than usual.

But the extent to which it will be able to be carried out is still uncertain. I don’t plan on making a huge

change; a small token of love is all that I wish to spread. Spreading this message is also not

considered. It would be unfair on me unless I am turning myself to be a real compassionate person. I

made an attempt, and hopefully would be able to continue these small of acts of kindness in the
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coming years. If it does turn out as I hope, I would take initiatives to turn the closest people around

me to celebrate a ‘Day of Compassion’.

What is your overall reaction about this assignment?

An overall assessment of this assignment makes me happy, I was honestly able to write my small

experience, and it made me a better person at least for a day.

Bibliography Alleydog, (2014). Self-Perception Theory definition | Psychology Glossary |

alleydog.com. [online] Available at: http://www.alleydog.com/glossary/definition.php?term=Self-

Perception%20Theory [Accessed 28 Nov 2018].

Altruists, (2014). Altruism - What Is It?. [online] Available at:

http://www.altruists.org/about/altruism/ [Accessed 28 Nov 2018].

Merriam-webster.com, (2014). Compassion - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster

Dictionary. [online] Available at: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/compassion [Accessed

28 Nov 2018].

Oregon State University, (2014). Social Penetration Theory. [online] Available at:

http://oregonstate.edu/instruct/theory/spt.html [Accessed28 Nov 2018].

Self-verification theory. (2014). 1st ed. p.1. University of Twente, (2014). Attribution Theory.

[online] Available at: http://www.utwente.nl/cw/theorieenoverzicht/Theory

%20clusters/public%20relations,%20advertising,%20marketing%20and%20consumer%20behavior/at

tribution_theory/ [Accessed 28 Nov 2018].