CENTURYON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY (E 57.) , Book and Lyrics by BETTY COMDEN AND ADOLPH GREEN Music by CY COLEMAN Based on plays by Ben Hecht, Charles MacArthur and Bruce Millholland Broadway Production Directed by HAROLD PRINCE Originally produced on the Broadway Stage by Robert Fryer, Mary Lea Johnson, James Cresson, and Martin Richards, SAMUEL FRENCH, INC 2s West d5ra Srcer NEW YORK 10036 Sunset Bovievaro HOLLYWOOD 90086 LONDON TORONTOa ST. JAMES THEATRE ‘GWNED AND OPERATED BY JUJAMCYN THEATRES RICHARD G. WOLFF THE PRODUGERS CIRCLE 2, NC BORERT FRVER, MARY LEX JOHNSON, JAMES CRESSON, MARTIN RICHAROS sc es a) eA RINSE MADELINE JOHN KAHN = IMOGENE CULLUM COCA IN A NEW MUSICAL COMEDY o™ TWENTIETH CENTURY BETTY COMDEN & ADOLPH GREEN CY COLEMAN ‘BASED ON PLAYS BY BEN HECHT, CHARLES MACARTHUR AND BRUCE MILLHOLLAND won GEORGE coe DEAN OITTMAN MUSICAL NUMBERS STAGED BY LARRY FULLER SENG DESIGN BY COSTUMES DESIGNED BY LIGHTING DESIGN BY ROBIN WAGNER FLORENCE KLOTZ EN BILLINGTON MUSICAL DIRECTOR —ORCHESTRATIONS ex PAUL GEMIGNAKI HERSHY KAY “me ny MRL PRODUCTION DiRECTED BY HAROLD PRINCE CAST OF CHARACTERS OscaR IarrEE—brilliant theatre impressario and director of inde- terminate age: flamboyant, rathless, megalomaniacal, indo table in the face of total disaster Lity Gartanp—actress and star, spoiled, pampered, megalo- ‘maniacal: under it all intelligent and self-doubting Bruce GRantr—young movie leading man, Ervol Flynn-type: stud, vain, silly, egotistical ‘OLIVER Wene—Oscar’s company manager: plump, uleerous, Wor: ried, fed-up: trying to bring a note of sanity to the surrounding, madness, OWEN O"MALLEY—Oscak's press agent: a boozer, sardonic, self satirical, He and Ouiver are Oscar's two loyal henchmen Letitia Peawopy PRIMROSE middle-aged to oldish lady, present ing a picture of easy breeding, wealth, and religious fervor: Actually she is a genuine nut on the loose. Max Jacons—self-important young producer: successful confident Grover Lock ¥000—blustering, aging statesman type Dr. JonNson—matter-of-fact, mannishly dressed tady doctor. ‘AGNes—Lity’s maid, long suffering and bored. IMDELDA THORNTON —glamorous, imperious, fur-bedecked stage actress, Emty—Locxwoon's little secretary Conpuctos, PORTERS, ACTORS, TRAIN PASSENGERS, PARTY Guests intense,On the Twentieth Century ACT ONE SCENE ON STAGE DURING A PLAY. We hear terrible medieval-sounding Janfares on ancient horns. It is the middle of the last act of a play about Joan of Arc. Onstage we see part of a cathedral, a Bishor and a Few Sox mtees in armor—also a stake with piled Lup faggots. Joan is tied 10 the stake, looking heavenwards. A ‘hooded EXECUTIONER in black is holding a large torch about to ignite the fire. There is also a MinisteR or rwo. We hear the intoning of some garbled Latin. Suddenly a PRikst rushes forward. Pricsr. (Fervently.) Wait! This burning must not take place! If heretic she be... . then heretic be we. . . be we he or she! (He ‘runs 10 JOAN withthe cross.) Bisor. (Furious.) By the power invested in me, Isay . . . di vest him of his vestments! Seize him! (TWO SOLDIERS in armor grab the Priest.) The burning of the witch shall go forward! (Big ‘medieval fanfare.) ‘ALL. (Chanting.) Bum... Burn! Ergo ego igitur . . ex: celsis infinitum mostibus! BURN... BURN... BURN! (The ExecuTionen lifis the torch toward the faggots. Sox braces herself. At this moment the STAGE MANAGER in work clothes steps out of the wings onto the stage.) STAGE Manacer, O.K. Hold it! Hold it! Shut up! Never mind the fire, Fred! (The action freezes. StAGE MANAGER looks out into the theater, shielding his eyes.) Last one left in the aucience just walked ‘out! That's it! “The French Giel” is closed. House lights! (The Actors, bewildered, move Downstage, regarding the empty house.)ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acer Acton (Who played Bsnor.) Tes won hte! Stace Mawacex OK Kill em! Work igs! L's gt this stl out inte alley! “loan. Userical—climbing down of the pyre) fot C's sake someone get me off hs dar thing! Where's tha igh pis of the theater, Oscar Jaffee? * a igh Pr Stace Has, Who knows? (Joan runs off angrity. Sexe Hans come onstage. The painted Cathedral drops come down revealing the theater back wall bricks and ropes. They start dismantling and dragging things of, Soul. heartbreaking music besins. NcTORS huddle 10- ether in costume, in an angry sullen, despairing heap. ACTOR who plays BisHor sings. OTHERS punctuate with groans.) Actor STRANDED AGAIN Grour. (Groaning.) AAAAAAAAH AcToR BEACHED AGAIN Grovr. AAAAAAAH, ACTOR. WASHED UP ON THE SHORE LIKE DRIFTWOOD IN CHICAGO LIKE GARBAGE IN CHICAGO. Grow. AAAAAAAH . .. AAAAAAAH . . . AAAAAAAAH \CTOR. SWINDLED AGAIN Group, AAAAAAAH ACTOR SCREWED AGAIN Grou. AAAAAAAAH CHEATED OUT OF TWO WEEKS’ WAGES IN CHICAGO PLUS CARFARE FROM CHICAGO act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 9 Grove, AAAAAAAAH ... AAAAAAAAH . | AAAAAAAAAH, ALL STRANDED AGAIN BEACHED AGAIN CHEATED AND MISUSED ABANDONED AND ABUSED BY A MASTER DISASTER’ IN CHICAGO... | (Music continues agitaso. QWEN O'MaLtey and OLivER Wea. ‘press agent and business manager, respectively, are revealed ‘as piece of scenery they are hiding behind is moved off. Owen is fastatking, and a lush, carries a flask, is always slightly intoxicated, and maintains a sardonic detachment. OLIVER is sincere, a bit 100 heavy. and given to losing his temper, which isn’t good for him. The Actors see them and rush toward them.) Actors. There they ste! Q’Malley and Webb! Where’s our money? (The two pull back defensively as they are surrownded.) ‘OWEN. What do you sant from me? A lowly press agent—and ‘your fellow victim! Where's Jaffee? ‘OLIVER, Don't look at me! What can a company manager do? 1 got the purse strings, but where's the purse?! Where's Jaleo?! (Music builds 10 an hysterical agitato.) ALL. (A line per actor.) Where's Jaffee? HE'S NOT IN THE OFFICE! HE'S NOT IN THE DRESSING ROOMS! HE'S GOT TO BE HERE SOMEPLACE! ET’S GET HIM! ‘Ouiver, Look in the alley! (The Group rushes one way.) Aut, In the alley! ‘OWEN. Up on the roof! ALL. On the roof! (They rush in the other direction and off.) Actor. (The EXECUNIONER, brandishing his torch.) He'll never ‘get out of this place alive! (He dashes after the Oruers, leaving one KNIGHT IN ARMOR. Knignt crosses 10 Owen and OLIVER and taps OWEN 07 theON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act shoulder. Owen and Otiver and the audience see a piece of white paper emerging from slit in the visor.) Quiver. MY GOD |. what's that?! Owen, (Grabs the paper and reads.) It's Oscar! (The KNicHt ‘runs off. Reads aloud.) “Meet me tomorrow . . . on the Twentieth Century for New York. Get me Drawing Room °A’. Don't fail me, my musketeers! It must be °A"? (Heroic, galloping music begins, the two assume Musketeer like poses and sing with fervent excitement.) ‘Ouver and Owen. SADDLE UP THE HORSE WITHOUT DELAY SHIP AHOY? WE SAIL AT BREAK OF DAY OURS NOT TO QUESTION OURS NOT TO REASON OURS... TO... OBEY! ‘Owen. Back af the hotel, 1 keep shem busy at the desk! ‘Ouiver. I'l sneak the bags out the back! Owen, Right! (They shake hands.) QUIVER and OWEN. (Continuing.) LET DOWN THE DRAWBRIDGE WHILE YOU KEEP THE MOTOR RACING, MAYBE WE'LL HAVE TO SWIM THE RIVER! WORKING FOR JAFFE THOUGH CONTINUALLY BRACING, ALSO DESTROYS THE HEART AND LIVER! WHAT'S NEW TODAY? WE'RE GOING TO SNEAK AWAY THROUGH A SHOW’R OF ROTTEN EGGS WITH OUR TAILS BETWEEN OUR LEGS ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY THE TWENTIETH CENTURY IN DRAWING ROOM “A HEY! HEY! HEY! (As they come to an excited finish. . . they run off. Music con- act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY u tinues, the scene changes to the train station. The front of the train is there, steam coming out ofthe front, the arches cone in forming the station. A red carpet rolls forward, and FOUR PORTERS burst in, and from the other side, a group of PASSEN- cers dressed in "30's clothes.) ACT ONE Scene 2 CHICAGO, THE TWENTIETH CENTURY—AND PLATFORM. ‘Music, which has been continuous, is now a celebratory paean of praise to the train . . . @ very operatic bravura air. ‘Conpuctors, PASSENGERS and PoRTERS. (Singing.) WE POINT WITH THE DEEPEST PRIDE TO THE GRANDEST RIDE ON THE NEW YORK CENTRAL RAILROAD. THE ARISTOCRAT OF LOCOMOTIVE TRAINS NEW YORK IN SIXTEEN HOURS ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THOSE SIXTEEN HOURS ON THAT MIGHT-Y RIDE-THE-NIGHT-Y MIRACLE OF ENGINEERING BRAINS ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE LUXURY LINER OF LOCOMOTIVE TRAINS ‘Two Conpuctors. ALL THE SERVICE YOU ENJOY WHILE STATIONARY WHEN YOU ARE AT HOME OR AT A SWELL HOTEL, NOW Is YOURS, AT FIFTY MILES AN HOUR, FROM A STAFF THAT JUMPS TO SERVE YOU WHEN YOU RING YOUR BELL! (Enter Levivia Primrose. elderly, sweet, carrying a reticule.) Lerma ALL ABOARD2 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act LEAVE CARES BEHIND YOU SAY GOODBYE TO TIES THAT BIND YOU (She exis.) CConDucTORS, PORTERS and PASSENGERS. HAVE YOUR PANTS PRESSED HAVE YOUR HAIR CURLED NOTHING BUT THE BEST ON THIS EIGHTH WONDER OF THE WORLD (Ener OweN and O.ives agitated.) OuiveR. (Sings.) HOW MUCH TIME BEFORE WE GO? ‘Owen. (Sings.) NO TIME LEFT BEFORE WE GO. Ouver WILL OSCAR MAKE IT? ‘Owen HOW WILL HE MAKE IT? Born. 1 DON'T KNOW! PASSENGERS, CONDUCTORS and PORTERS. OUR HEART WITH EMOTION REELS WHEN THIS PRINCE OF WHEELS STARTS TO MAKE ITS DAILY JOURNEY EITHER CHI-N.Y., OR ELSE N.Y, TO CHI NEW YORK IN SIXTEEN HOURS ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THOSE SIXTEEN HOURS AS IN FLIGHT A— CROSS THE NIGHT A— —MERICA THE BEAUTIFUL ROLLS BY ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE LUXURY LINER BETWEEN N.Y. AND CHI LIFE AND LOVE AND LUCK MAY BE CHANGED HOPE RENEWED AND FATE REARRANGED ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ‘ON THE LUXURY LINER BETWEEN N.Y, AND CHI (They hold the note as the set changes 10 the Observation Car.) acti ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 3 LIFE AND LOVE AND LUCK MAY BE CHANGED. HOPE RENEWED AND FATE REARRANGED!!! ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE LUXURY LINER BETWEEN N.Y, AND CHI! (This builds toa big vocal finish. Lights up on Drawing Room A, and Observation Car.) ACT ONE SceNE 3 OBSERVATION CAR AND DRAWING ROOM A. In the Observation Car, near the desk, is the TRAIN SECRETARY. A group of Pas- SENGERS are there. There is a couple in A. [LocKwop and Anita.) OWEN and OLIVER in the Observation Car. Owen, (To SecrerARy, belligerent.) What do you mean, Draw ing Room A is taken’ (Takes swig from flask.) ‘OLIVER. Such incornpetence! I reserved that thaee Weeks ago, for Mr. Oscar Jaffee, the noted theatrical director and producer! SecnerARy. (Consulting his ist.) 'm sorry, but Drawing Room A is already occupied by a Mr, and Mrs. J. Smith Porter, (Entering with baggage; 0o OLIVER.) Where do you want these put, sit? ‘OurveR, Lust leave them there for now! SecrevaRy. You can't do wat Ouiver. This is an outrage! I demand to see the conductor! (He takes out 2 coin for the PORTER.) ‘SeckeTARy. Get Mr. Flanagan for these gentlemen Porter. (Exiting) Yessir, Thank you, sir. (Leriia Primnose enters.) SecreTary. (Greeting her warmly.) Oh, Mrs. Primrose! We haven't seen you in several years! Lerimia. Ah, yes! I've been traveling . . . ‘round the world! Business, you know, and good works!\s ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act (Mis, PRiMose and PORTER exit. FLANAGAN enters.) Conpuctor FLANAGAN. What's wrong hete? (He sees OWEN and Ouiver.) OWEN. This varlet dares to say we can’t have Drawing Room A. Conpuctor FLANAGAN. Sorry, gentlemen, but i's already occupied (PorreR enters.) Porver. ‘Scuse me... (He picks up one of the bags.) Owen. Unhand that! Our stuff stays right here! Porter. This one’s not yours, sir. It belongs to the folks in “A ‘Me. and Mrs. Smith OWEN. (Looks at the tag on the luggage.) Just a minute, Smith? (Reads the tag. Shows Ouiver. Lights up in A.) Lockwoon. 0.K., that’s enough dictation for now, Emily. Anita, It's Anita Lockwoop, Anita! Of course! (He lowers lights, puts arm around her) Un Observation Car.) Ouiver. Here, my good man, (Gives Powve®. a coin.) We'll take these into Mr. Smith ourselves, ‘Conpuctor. (Remonsirating.) Now... gentlemen OweN, Stand by to follow with our luggage. (They exit with the bag. Lights up in Drawing Room A... Lock ‘wooo and ANITA embracing. There is a knock on the door They leap apart.) Locxwoop. Yes, what is it?! Owen's Voice. Your bag, sir! Lockwooo. What? Oh... ch yes... (OWEN and OLIVER ‘Push their way in.) Who are you guys... what da you want?! Outver, This Drawing Room was reserved for Mr. Oscar Jaliee Lockwooo. You can’t come barging in like this! Get the hell out of here! Owen. I'm afraid not, Congressman Lockwood. Lockwooo. What . what did you say? The name's Smith "Smith! Mr. and Mrs, Smith act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 15 Owen. (Reading from the luggage tag.) “Congressman Gover Lockwood”... (Looks on the other side of tag.) and friend Lockwoop, Boys... boys... come on... this is strictly a business tip! ‘OuiveR. Good. Then you won't mind conducting your affairs from an upper and lower berth Lockwoop. No, ne - . - nat at all! Owen. And don’t worry, Congressman, There'll be no screaming headlines. (Threatening.) You've got two minutest (Lockwoon and Anita start scurrying. OWEN and OLIVER exit into Observation Car.) Conpucror's Voice. All aboard! OWEN. Well, we got the Drawing Room . .. now where's the high priest of the theatre? (The train starts 1o move.) Hey, the train's ‘moving! Oscar! He missed it! (We see the figure of Oscar Jarvex, hanging on outside the train, hhand-over-handing from window to window.) OuivER. Gimme a slug of that! Owen. Remember your ulcer Otiver. Lam. I's thirsty, (Oscar is now outside their window, knocking frantically. They see ‘him. His hat blows off in the wind.) BorH. Oseat! (They open the window and pull him in.) scan, (After being pulled in through the window, taking the place in, instantly.) This is not Drawing Room AFT distinctly said Drawing Room A! ‘Ouiver. We've got it, Chief Oscar. (A flamboyant, be-moustached larger-than-life director- impressario.) Goodbye, Chicago! Never again will I bring culture to the city of hog-butchers! Now we're together again, lads, on our way home to glory ‘OWEN. Glory? Sire, you are two hundred and fifty thousand dol- lars in debt! Ouiver. OJ., face it, What we are going home to is bank- ruptcy ‘OwEN. Foreclosure16 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act Ouver. Evietion Owen, Public disgrace! OuiveR. After this failure they'll never allow you to produce oF direct again! (Music begins.) Oscar. Traitors! Look at the two of you~—Judas Iscariot and his, sister Sue. You think I'm finished. They all think I'm finished Just because I've had a failure. All right . . , four failures! But what glorious ones! The burning of Joan ot Are in ‘The French Girl" was the most transcendant theatrical experience since "The Magic Fire™ scene in “Die Walkuere™! Let my enemies gloat. Let them kick me when I'm down , . . But every time they think I'm through 1 RISE AGAIN" (Singing lustiy.) [RISE AGAIN! FULL SIZE AGAIN! AND GIVE THOSE DOUBTING THOMASES A WALLOPING SURPRISE AGAIN! I SNEER AT THEM. TJEER AT THEM | THUMB MY NOSE, AND BITE MY THUMB, AND. BARE MY ROYAL REAR AT THEM! WITH MY BACK UP AGAINST THE WALL WITH THE WOLVES YAPPING AT MY HEELS, WITH THE NOOSE TIGHT'NING ROUND MY NECK THAT'S THE TIME I KNOW HOW REALLY LIVING FEELS WITH THE WALL UP AGAINST MY BACK WITH THE WATER RISING TO MY CHIN CHAINED AND BOUND TIGHT INSIDE A SACK THAT'S THE PLIGHT THAT I'M DELIGHTED IN FOR | HAVE POWERS LIKE ALADDIN’S GENIE DID, 1 DO ESCAPE TRICKS BETTER THAN HOUDINI DID act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY IN THE BLACK OF MY CUL-DE-SAC DO I CRACK AND FALL? NO! | ATTACK! WITH MY BACK UP AGAINST THE WALL Owen and Otiver. LISTEN, BOSS, YOU GOT To USE YOUR BRAIN EVERYONE YOU OWE WILL MEET THE TRAIN! ‘Oscar | SHINE AGAIN! ALL IS MINE AGAIN! A FIGHTER RISING FROM THE CANVAS AT THE. COUNT OF NINE ‘Owen and OLvER, (At the same sime.) NINE! THE COUNT IS “TEN”... YOU'RE OUT! THE DRUMS OF DOOM ARE KNOCKING YOUR THEATER AND YOUR OFFICES THE BANKERS WILL BE LOCKING! ‘Oscar, 1 spIT AT THEM SPRAY FLIT AT THEM! I'LL FACE THOSE GRIM GOLIATHS WITH MY SLINGSHOT AND TLL HIT AT THEM! WITH MY BACK UP AGAINST THE WALL. ANGRY BIRDS PECKING WITH THEIR BEAKS OR SUBMERGED, SEALED INSIDE A TOMB. THAT CHALLENGE BRINGS THE ROSES TO MY CHEEKS SO, RALLY ROUND ME, MY MUSKETEERING MEN WE'LL TURN THAT RAGING LYNCH MOB INTO CHEERING MEN FROM THE FALSE REPORTS OF MY DEMISE. LIKE THE PHOENIX, RIGHT BEFORE THEIR EYES WITH MY BACK UP AGAINST THE WALL. ‘OWEN. (Joining in.) WITH HIS BACK UP AGAINST THE WALL Ouiver. (Joining in.) WITH HIS BACK UP AGAINST THE— Au. Tarce WALL-!18 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acti Oscar. 1 RISE AGAIN! OWEN and Ouiver, ({n harmony.) HE'LL RISE AGAIN! (Big wo finish.) Oscar, (Way up.) Oliver. . . make me an appointment for a ‘manicure and a shampoo! OntveR. Now listen, O.J. It’s only sixteen hours t New York We got to arrive there with something real to show those vultures waiting at the station. OWEN, (Nervously.) Yeah, tell him, Oliver! OLIVER. Uneasy.) Well, O.4., you got atelegram . . . anaffer to direct a road company of ““The Fencing Master."” ‘OWEN. (Looking incredulous.) A road company?! OLIVER. It came from the office of Max Jacobs scan, (Reacting violently.) Max Jacobs, my ex-office boy? 1 fired him for incompetence. Ouiver. That ex-office boy has prodiced three smash hits in @ row! Oscar. Get out! You've shown your true colors, you fat weasel! You're fred! ‘OuvER. You've fired me for the last time! ‘QscaR. I close the iron door! Conbuctor’s Voict.. Englewood, in fifteen minutes. Englewood! (Oscar starts 19 dance around gleefully.) Oscar. (Rubbing his hands together.) Aha! Aha! Our roubles are ‘over! (OWEN and OLIVER exchange a puzzled look.) Owen. Pasdon me, sire, but since when did Englewood become the Promised Land? ‘Oscar. Oh, ye of little faith . . . an angel of deliverance will appear to us at Englewood! Ouiver, (Hoarsely.) What angel? OscaR. Lily Garland! (OWEN and OLIVER are astounded.) Born. LILY GARLAND! scan. She's coming back to us! Ouiver, It can't be! acti ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 19 Oscar. She's joining me on this rain. . . right next door Drawing Room “*B."* ‘OLIVER, But, it's a miracle! OWEN. Look! I can walk without my crutches! (He flings his liquor bottle across the room which Oscar casually coaches ard puts down.) ‘OLIVER, (Excited.) Boss, when the Chase National Bank sees Lily Garland’s signature on a contract, we can write our own ticket ‘QscaR. Why did you think I wanted Drawing Room A? You see my Machiavellian sind at work? I overheard a bellboy at the be loved Statler Hotel telling a maid OLIVER. (Realizing and exploding.) You overheard! MY God! You haven't talked to her at all, have you? You haven't even seen her! Oscar. (Airily.) Details! Details! Oliver, you bump into her by accident. . just drop a hint that I've got this great play for her... a masterpiece OWEN. Boss, you have no play. Oscar. Details! Details! (Exits into washroom.) Otiver. Oscar, she doesn’t need you. She's a great big movie tar today! She won the gold statue. ‘Oscar. (Pokes head in, then back.) What gold statue? ‘Gwen. The Academy Award! Oscar. (Voice.) How pathetic. She can't be any good in the movies, Her face is all wrong. It took me fous years to mold shat lifeless putty into what she became, Remember what a scruffy chils she was ? (Noise of wheels... Train motion musical theme—SiNGro Grour of PorteRs and CONDUCTORS enter and cross stege singing 10 rhythm of wheels.) Grovr. Oscar Jaffee, Oscar Jaffee LILY GARLAND LILY GARLAND LILY GARLAND (Eitc.) (As scene changes. The Drawing Room set moves off. We are in a large area.)20 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act ACT ONE Scene 4 Piano moved in. FLASHBACK. STAGE. The stage of a theater ar: ranged for a reading and audition, Present are OWEN, OLIVER, young stage manager MAX JACOBS: a richly dressed actress, MELA THORNTON, and her agent, MAXWELL FINCH. OSCAR. ‘makes his appearance down the aisle in fedora and cape and plays scene there Ouver, This way, mela, my dear Oscar. This play, by Victorien Bougereau, is the story of a lite street singer of Montmartre, Veronique La Rue ... . (He breaks off. imperiously gestures 10 Max 10 take IMELDAs furs.) Jacobs! Max! (Max scurries 10 do it.) . . who works ber way up t0 the hhighest pinnacle of the French haut monde, Framed within one tempestuous sensual itle body... achild woman... who pre- ipitates the entire Franco-Prussian War by refusing to smile at Oto vyon Bismarck. MAXWELL rich. Mr, Jae, cha’ ight up Miss Thornton's alley. Oscar. (Coldly.) Me, Finch, Miss Thornton is a great star. You are an agent, You will find your alley right outside the stage door (Maxwett looks ouiraged.) ImeLpa. Run along, Maxwell. Mr, Jaffee and I understand one another (Maxwett starts out angrily, first stopping to pick up his hat and coat. Crosses toward he wings, During this Oscar speaks 10 IMeLDA.) Oscar. And now, Imelda, we are prepared to hear you sing, my dear, (He looks at the piano where there is no pianist.) Do’ you accompany yourself on the zither, perhaps? IMELDA. My litle accompanist is late. You see, my regular pianist is ill, and U've had very litle time to (As she is saying this, MaxweLt is exiting with dignity. Running in breathlessly and crashing into him is a YOUNG GIRL carrying sheet of music in her arms. She seems very plain and unprépos- sessing in simple shirt and sweaser, haie piled rather sloppily act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY uw atop her head. As she bumps into Maxwett. it falls and scat ter5 10 the floor.) Girt. (Un a rage.) Goddammit to hell! (She gets down on her hands and knees and starts picking it up.) ImeLDa, Clumsy fool! My ewusic! Girt. (Flustered, 10 IMELDA.) You... ub, help me with this, will you? IMELDA. You've kept Mr. Oscar Jaffee waiting! Girt. (Very contrite.) Oh. Mir. Suffer, Urn sorry, 1 Oscar. Just get to the piano and let's begin. Girt. (Arranging music.) 'm so sorry I'm late, but I was on the crosstown trolley and ‘Oscar. Begin, please. (He sits on his chair. Iwsv0n comes forward.) IeeDa. I will sing “*The Indian Maiden's Lament,"* (She pre: pares 10 sing. Gi®l takes quite a while, removing several rings, and Carefully putting them down, then she nods a “ready” signal t0 IMEDs and plays a jazzy stop time intro and start of a tune full of crazy rhythm.) ImeuDa. (Yeiting.) INDIAN MAIDEN’S LAMENT” (The Girt. stops.) Girt. I'm sorry! Music gotall suixed up... (Apologeticatly.)t just played for a tap dancing audition. (She searches through her ‘music frantically... finds it, Reading from the music.) “Indian ‘Maiden’s Lament,"" by Amy Wingford Fordwing, (Interested.) Ob, T didn’t know she wrote that! Imetba, (Furious.) Play it! {Gum plays ietroduction . . . Indian-sounding chords, like the lindian-type ballads of the time. IMELDX sings in Concert contralto.) Imetpa. (Singing) BY THE GRAY SHABOU-EE-SEE RIVERBANK THE CHOCTAW MAIDEN SADLY SITS WITH HER RAVEN HAIR UNCOMBED AND DRUMS ON HER BIRCHBARK BAGOODA AND CRIES FOR HER BRAVE WHO HAS ROAMED “BRA—-AVE ML-INE2 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act COME BACK FL-INE FOLLOW THROOOOO-0OOUGH (IMELDA hesitates.) Uh oS Uh (The Gint. sings out the nest line.) Gin. (Singing ) IN_ YOUR CAN..-000-000! IMELDA. (Steaming, trying for control.) Thank you. (Sings.) BRAVE—AVE MI-INE COME BACK (The Gime interrupts.) Girt, No, no, no! 1 goes up a fourth there! Intetoa, What?! Gant. (Singing correctly) COME BACK FI_NE? ein. (Singing angrily, same wrong note as before COME BACK " wre) Gini. (Correctiy) COME BACK Inteupa. (Same wrong note.) COME BACK it Girt. (Carried away toa big vocal finish with great operatic high notes) COME BACK—FL-INE FOLLOW THROO-OOOUGH—IN YOUR CAN— MELDA. (Beside himself, letting out a hoarse seream and running cover 10 Gini.) WHAT IS THIS?! Girt. (Simply.) You were singing it wrong IMELDA. Teould sing it righ if you could play just one right note! Gin. {With fie.) You couldn't sing this right if Paderoo-ski as playing! IMELDA, (Fluuteringly going 10 pieces.) Oh... oh... ob I've never been so humiliated. You're . - . you're fied! Gin. (With growing rage passionate tirade) Fired! Ha! | do a favor for Sophie Bereoviei—she's laid up with the hay fever — You'll pay me a dollarfifty for this. O.K.. So Lcome down from the Bronx, early this moming to your house, I get taken up the servant's elevaior—O.K. -. . you don’t even offer me a cup of act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 23 coffee... O,K. You barely give me a chance 10 look over the music | | | you're too busy putting on makeup . . . O.K, I rush to my other auditions on 14th Street... (During this, OLIVER, OWEN and Max JAcons have reentered and are witness 10 this.) 1 rush over here. . . carfare . . . five, ten, twenty cents... 1 play perfect! perfect... then you fire me! All right! ['ll go! ‘There's only one thing I want from you! Twenty cents! My twenty cents carefare! (Full throated yell.) GIVE 1T TO ME* THIS MINUTE! GIVE ME MY TWENTY CENTS! (She advances on TmeLba.) Tmetba. (Weakly.) Here . . . here's a quarter. Keep the change. (Git fakes the money, then goes 10 the piano and starts collecting hher music.) Oscar! She ruined my audition! I'm shattered! Some body... helpme .. . get me a taxi! OtiveR. (Stepping forward to her.) Let me, Miss Thornton, (He starts escorting her out. OuiveR and OWEN exit with Max helping IMELDA out. The Grkt flashes angry looks at them.) Oscar. (Cheerfully.) Goodbye, Imelda. Sorry I never heard the punchline of “The Indian Maiden’s Lament.” (He goes up steps onto stage as the Girt, who by now has her music in her case, has ‘put on the cheap rings she had taken off, and is starting out.) Stop! (She turns around surprised. Oscak applauds.) ‘GiRL. What's that for? ‘OscAk, For a great audition, You've got the part. Gir, What? What part? I'm not an actress, Oscar, It was all there, The pixie. - . the eternal woman the fire. . . the passion . . And the singing voice ofa lost child heard by its mother echoing from beyond a comes. What is your name, child? GIRL. Mildred Plotka Oscar, (He winces.) Mildred Plotka, I's like calling a “lily”” a “hogwart.”” (He stops.) “LILY!” That's it! You are “LILY GIRL. (Doesn't know what he's talking about.) Hogwart? Oscar, (Having a revelation.) Lily Garland? Micpreb. I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Jaffee. I'm Mildred Plotka. I don’t want to be an actress, I got t0 think of the future, I need security! Oscar, (Transfixing her, hypnotically.) Psh! Security! Did Bem- hardt . .. Duse . ... think about security!? Does Oscar Jaffee think about security? You. . . the FLAME! The flame is there24 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acta inside you! But it must be kindled and fanned into a voleano by Vulcan himself! T am your Vulcan! | will mold you! t witl shape you! Iwill each you By the way, my little piano player, itis ‘ot ““Paderooski’"—it is “Padereffki."" You have so much to lear | offer you excitement—surprise—the life of the theatre! (Music starts.) Livy. (Singing half recitative.) PARDON ME. BUT TLL BE LATE GOTTA CATCH MY SUBWAY TRAIN PARDON ME... AND THANKS A LOT, BUT, MISTER JAFFEE, YOU'RE INSANE Osean. (He feels:pretty sure of her.) Goodbye (She mens to go, then stops and turns back, feeling a need to explain more.) Luy PARDON ME... | GOT MY FOLKS WHAT LEARN . |, IT PAYS THE RENT PARDON ME |. AND THANKS A LOT BUT. MR. JAFFEE, 'M CONTENT ‘Oscar Uh. huh (She wrns to go again. Stops Slowly turns back 10 him.) Livy. (Fentatively.) Do you really think {can do it? Oscar. (All action, business-like.) Here! Begin reading! (He hands her the script of the play. She opens it at a certain point ‘She looks at it, then starts 10 read in a flat. even voice.) aty. (Reading from the script—spoken without expression.) GENERAL OTTO VON BISMARCK’S QUARTERS OUTSIDE PARIS ENTER VERONIQUE LARUE IN HER SIMPLE GARB AS SINGER OF THE STREETS SMARTING UNDER HER REFUSAL TO GIVE HERSELF To HIM, BISMARCK THREATENS TO DESTROY PARIS VERONIQUE FEELS HER POWER AND STANDS HER GROUND WITH FIERY PRIDE acta ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 28 (Lity breaks off.) Fiery pride . . . | can’t do this. What does Mildred Plotka know about “fiery pride”? ‘Oscar, Who is Mildred Plotka? Lily Garland, 1 want the same fire and pride with which you demanded your twenty cents! Go on! Continue! (LILY storts looking through the script, turning the pages, as she tentatively does the following frst part, slowly, no expression. ) Livy VERONIQUE |. SHE WINK AN EYE VERONIQUE. THE BULLETS FLY VERONIQUE . . . SHE CLOSE HER DOOR AND START THE FRANCO-PRUSSIAN WAR VERONIQUE... THE FEMME PATALE VERONIQUE | THE FLEUR De MAL VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE (She keeps turning the pages. Stops. Looks up at him. The music stops. She shrugs helplessly. He grabs the script from her, picks up her refrain. Music starts again.) Oscar. (Impelting her on.) VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE (Oscar exis. All lights out except spor on Lay. During the ensuing ‘number, she lets her hair tumble down and is suddenly radiant, womanly and beautiful. She then rips off her clothes and is revealed, in a short, leggy ousit—plainly the French spirit of Liberté. Behind her appears a set of L’Arc De Triomphe with cheering multitudes painted on it, Several SOLDIERS and Gre- NADIERS strut onto stage and dance stiffly but admiringly around her.) Lity. (With full confidence.) VERONIQUE... SHE WINK AN EYE VERONIQUE THE BULLETS FLY VERONIQUE _. - SHE CLOSE HER DOOR AND START THE FRANCO-PRUSSIAN WAR VERONIQUE THE FEMME FATALE,6 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY actA VERONIQUE . . . THE FLEUR DE MAL VERONIQUE . ._- SHUT BISMARCK OUT AND MAKE THE POPULATION SHOUT: "SAVE OUR CITY! LET OL’ BISMARCK HAVE A. LOOK SAVE QUR PARIS! YOU'LL LOOK GOOD IN HIST’RY BOOK” ‘AH, BUT VERONIQUE WON'T LET HIM HAVE A PEEK PARIS FALL IN... BOOM! .. . ONE WEEK! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE. VERONIQUE VERONIQUE .”. . “LET BISMARCK IN” NOTRE DAME... SAYS “THAT'S NO. SIN” EMPEROR . . . SAYS “PLEASE COME THROUGH AND FRANCE WILL MAKE A SAINT OF YOU" VERONIQUE . . . SHE SNAP HER FAN VERONIQUE . . . SHE MAKE A PLAN VERONIQUE | | | “I SAVE THE TOWN BUT | DON'T DO IT LYING DOWN" VERONIQUE . - . WITH EIERY PRIDE VERONIQUE . | SHE TURN THE TIDE VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE VERONIQUE . . . SHE FACE THE HUN VERONIQUE . | | SHE FACE THE GUN VERONIQUE ||| SHE START TO DANCE WHILE SHOUTING BRAVELY, “VIVE LA FRANCE!” VERONIQUE . . . A SUDDEN HUSH VERONIQUE . | | SHOUT, “KILL THE BOCHE!" SUDDENLY A SHOT... THEN TWO AND SHE FALL LIFELESS DANS LA RUE BUT HER SPIRIT DANCES ON ABOVE THE FRAY LIBERTE, EGALITE, FRATERNITE! FRANCE IS SAVED, AND FREEDOM ONCE AGAIN CAN SPEAK ALL BECAUSE OF VERONIQUE! VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE act 1 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 2 (She does an obligato.) AH... AH! ‘AHAH! VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE, VERONIQUE |AH—AH—AH—AH—AH—AH SHE CLOSE HER DOOR SHE START THE WAR SHE WON'T SAY “YES” WON'T LIFT HER DRESS SHE SAVE THE TOWN SHE WON'T LIE DOWN SHE TURN THE TIDE WITH FIERY PRIDE VIVE LA FRANCE? VIVE LA FRANCE! VIVE LA FRANCE! VIVE LA FRANCE! (During the last lines she draws a sword and is lifted high by SOLDIERS.) Veronique and SotpieRs. VERONIQUE! VERONIQUE! VIVE LA FRANCE! (She sings a rousing high note finish and is carried Upstage 10 sounds of cheering and applause. We know she has become a star. Blackout.) ACT ONE Scene 5 DRAWING ROOM “‘A.”" Oscar, OWEN and OLIVER, Oscar. (Coming out of his reverie.) . . . and she will be my star again! ‘Ouiver. We'll be in New Yorkin less than sixteen hours. Signing up Lily Garland in that time is an opium dream . . . Now Max Jacobs ‘Oscaz, Didn't I fire you before?! Get out! I reinstate you as fired! Otiver, Thank you. With my heart condition this is the greatest present you could give me. Goodbye,28 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act Osean. I close the iron door! (OtiveR slams out. OwEN takes a long drink and settles into a seat.) Conpuctor. (Knocks and sticks his head in.) Excuse me, Mr Jaffee. just a routine check. Seems to be some kind of nut on the train, Perfectly harmless, Just let us know if anyone bothers you Oscar. No one, so far, thank you ConbuctoR. I hate to bother you, Mr. Jaffee, but... (The Conpuctor suddenly bursts into song. Singing. Iyric tenor.) I HAVE WRITTEN A PLAY, MISTER JAFFEE. Oscar, (Stunned.) What!? Conpuctor, AN AVERAGE CONDUCTOR'S DAY, MISTER JAFFE IT'S ALL ABOUT LIFE ON A TRAIN 1 CALL IT “LIFE ON A TRAIN" | PUT IT DOWN JUST AS IT HAPPENED OH. THE THINGS I'VE SEEN! OH, THE THINGS I'VE SEEN! If YOU PUT THAT ON THE STAGE I GUARANTEE TAKE IT FROM ME IT WOULD BE ‘A BIG SUCCESS . . . OH YES .. . A BIG SUCCESS! Oscak. Slip it under the door anytime Owen. It can’t miss, (He is ushered out.) Conpuctor. (Entering Observation Car to LETITIA.) Oh, Mrs Primrose. There seems to be some kind of religious nut on the train But don't you worry Lerma, (Who 1 reading her Bible.) 1 won't, (Unseen by the Conpuctor she defily slaps a sticker on the side of the desk.) Conbucror. Oh, by the way. We'll be pulling into Englewood in 4 mmute, Englewood! Osenk. (AS if shor.) Englewood! (Hoarsely, holding himself up, ‘latching his stomach as if in great pain, tugging at OWEN's sleeve.) She's getting on here... Lily Garland. eating at my heart like a gray rat, Owen, when {love a woman I'm an Oriental. Itnever dies. The only way I'll ever get hold of myself again is to get her buck. (With something ike haired.) Make her pay for what she's done to me OWEN. Boss, if she doesn’t throw her atmos around you, she doesn't deserve you. Oscar. Owen, you're right, Now for a complete change of act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 2» costume... from high priest of the theatre to the flamboyant lover. (The train stops.) ConDUCTOR’s Voice. Englewood! (Music of excited anticipation swells up.) ACT ONE, Scene 6 OBSERVATION CAR AND CORRIDOR. MUSICAL NUMBER: TOGETHER" In the Observation Car and Corridor the Pas- SENGERS crowd around 10 catch a glimpse of LiLy GARLAND. ‘getting on the train. OscAR is beside himself, as he looks oat the window, half-pying, half hiding, and notes the crowd zoing ‘mad as they sing about her. At one point he tres to see her but ‘can't. The PASSENGERS are beside themselves with excitement. CHoRUs. (Entering, spoken.) Is Lily Garland, Lily Garland, Lily Garland Passencens. (Chorus. Sing.) HEAR MY HEART HAMMER FEEL MY PULSE QUICKEN ME AND HERON THIS TRAIN TOGETHER... ! WATCH MY HANDS TREMBLE HEAR MY VOICE THICKEN ME AND HER... ON THIS TRAIN ‘TOGETHER! ‘OscaR and PASSENGERS. (Chorus | and Ul PLL BE WITH LILY ‘GARLAND! RIGHT HERE WITH LILY GARLAND! My LILY! WE'LL TRAVEL CLOSE TOGETHER TOGETHER AH ALL ACROSS THE LAND WE'RE ALMOST HAND IN HAND TOGETHER Ati IT’S MORE THAN 1 CAN STAND30 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act 4 PASSENGERS. Chorus 1 TO KNOW MY FAVORITE TO KNOW MY FAVORITE STAR STAR Is NOT SO VERY Is NOT SO VERY FAR FAR THAT SOMEWHERE THERE HER SCENT WILL FILL THE AIR SHE'LL CHANGE HER DRESS SHE'LL COMB HER HAIR Chorus I 0, LUCKY ME, 0, CAN IT RE? ©, CAN IT BE? 1 SEE HER! SEE HER! (Counter Melody.) SLIM, SOFT, SLEEK SLIPPERS DON'T SHOVE ME. SLIM, SHEER, SILK THAT'S MY PLACE ANKLES, HEY, WATCH IT HER AND 1. HERE MOVE OVER, EXCUSE WE ARE ME, STOP KICKING ‘TOGETHER! ULL KILL YOU, DON'T BLOCK MY’ VIEW SKIN LIKE PINK PETALS YOU'RE CROWDING MOVE OVER NAILS LIKE PINK SHE'S WAVING OPALS 1... COULD GLADLY DIE! COULD GLADLY DIE! SHE'S SMILING UP TILL NOW, JUST EMPTY DAYS MADE UP WHAT I'D CALL MY LIFE BUT TODAY'S THE DAY OF DAYS TLL REMEMBER ALL MY LIFE REMEMBER ALL MY LIFE... REMEMBER ALL MY LIFE JUST ME AND LILY ON THIS TRAIN! MISS GARLAND’S GETTIN ON THIS TRAIN SHE'S GETTIN ON! SHE'S GETTING ON! act 1 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 3 SHE'S ON THE TRAIN, SHE'S ON THE TRAIN, SHE'S ON THE TRAIN! (Ad lib of breathless comments, ranging from ecstatic and com- plimentary about how she looks, to critical speculations cbout ‘age, and hair color . . . all jumbled together. Near the end of ‘the number a GROUP oF REPORTERS and PHOTOGRAPHERS, l’ke 4 tight little ball, move across, on platform in front of fain, ‘encircling an unseen object [LiL] protected by Bruce GRANIT who is covering her with his coat raised above her head as they ‘move, and spin on to the train as a unit. This blends into the next scene in Lity’s Drawing Room, as the whispering voices of the Fans fade out.) ACTONE Scene DRAWING ROOM “B."" A sitting room . . - off which there is a bedroom... a few News PHOTOGRAPHERS are crowding in the door... taking flashbulb pictures. Music of “TO- GETHER" continues shrough scene with REPORTERS, PuotocRapHens. One more, please, Miss Garland . . . look this way... One more They are in the Drawing Room, having pushed ahead of LiLy, who (Trem enters ond poses nthe doorway as they shoot. She looks tery Beautifl dnd giamorous, the quintessential movie star. She is followed by a tough:-looking Matb.) Livy, (Feigned weariness.) Back... back . . . that’s enough! ith her in (Pushing in after her is Bruce GRANIT, actor, who was with hher last three pictures, and is her current friend. He is big, virile... a tenth-rate Gable type with a little ERROL FLYNN. ‘added. ) Bruce. Don’t forget litle Brucie! (Sticks his face next 10 hers.) 1 want to say I'm proud to be Miss Garland’s leading man again in her2 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act new picture... and our Chicago opeming lastnight was a smash! (PHoToGRAPHERS snap pictures.) Lity. (Custing in.) Oh, Bruce darling, (Kisses him.) Mr. Grants staying in Chicago. . a personal appearance mid-west tour with the movie. (GRaNtt has his arm around her, she is snuggling ‘against him. Kisses hint ) Bruce. Well, goodbye, Lite Lulu. . . Be sure w stay lone some in the big city Lity. Goodbye Big Boo-Boo Buuce. And here's a litle something to remind you... (He produces jrom behind his back, a heart-shaped floral offering.) Lity. Oh, how sweet! (She snuggles her nose in it, them holds it up.) Isn't sweet? (PHOTOGRAPHERS start 1 leave.) Goodbye, boys (To Bruce.) Now Big Boo-Boo .. just a quick goodbye or | Won't be able to let you goat all. (They clinch and kis.) Mmmm, you taste sinfully good! I can't bear it... Now . . . aun, run ‘un! Call you. from New York! (He tears himself away and goes Lingering, as he exits, with one finger sil touching hers, then, out Sinking down.) Oh, he's gone! Oh; Bruce, Bruce! The memory of {your arms at night! The memory of the way you tie tha litle towel ‘ound you when we run dovin the beach at Malibu! (She starts to ry.) Why did Let him go!” ‘AGNES. Who are you playin’ the scene for? You've been chevting, my ear off for two months . . . how are you gonna shake off that two bit ham-hock! He bores you, he's a leach, he's hitching a free ride on your career Liy. Agnes, you don't understand love. Al know is he's gone, Tm lonely... and 1 miss him desperately. (The door is flung open and i's BRUCE.) BRUCE. Little Lulu Liv. (Automatically exploding ) Get out of here! Bruce. (Pleased with himself.) | dida't leave! Too late... the train's moving! Lity. But you can’t stay! This is ridiculous! Aawss. (Sourly.) The good fairy granted your wish. (AGNES exits inno nest comparment-—"C."") LiLy. You're supposed tobe on tour publicizing my picture! Bruce. Did you really think I'd let you go 10 New York by yourself? Sign up for a play? Be away for maybe a year? How do I iknow who you're going to see there? Livy. (Furious.) You have nothing to say about it! do exactly as I please! Oh. do you cal this a life!" Lily Garland has no life of her own!!! IF 14 known I was going to be the greatest star in the act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 33 world, I wouldn't have gone on with it! Everyone hanging on me ‘using me . . . just because I happen to be a rare talent’ To hell with that! I's like an ugly growth .. . T want to cut it out! T hate my life!'! (During this, BRUCE has pasted a photo of himself on back wall.) BRUCE. Oh honey, I just don’t want to be separated from you. (He grabs her.) Lity. (Melting.) And 1 don’t want to be separated from you! I'm just afraid I'm getting stale out there, I need a live audience. (BRUCE Crunches her in his arms.) Nothing else matters wren you crunch me in your arms, Big Boo-Boo . . . Big Baboon! (Lity and Bruce dare hugging. AGNES, walking in and out, reacts w this, rolling her ‘eyes heavenward. There is a knock at the door.) Oh damn’ (They break apart . . . BRUCE is away from her.) Come in. (The door ‘opens and Owen leans in.) ‘OWEN, Pardon me, I'm looking for a little French girl named Veronique La Rue. Lity. (Lighting up—happily—seeing a welcome ghost.) Owen O'Malley! (They look at each other.) Bruce. Who is this guy? Lity. Owen O'Malley... and this is. . . (Indicating Bruce.) ‘OWEN, Don't tell me. . . [can't place the face, but I've seen you acting opposite Lily in all those pictures and I'd know the back ofthat head anywhere... (OLIVER appears inthe doorway.) Ouiver. (Warmly.) Hello, Lily! Lity. (Also warmly.) Oliver! You, 100%! Why, it’s just like old times! (She cuts off. Suspiciously.) Don’t tell me all the musketeers are on this train! (OLIVER and OweN nod.) BRUCE. What the hell are you talking about?! OWEN. Yes, the litle corporal is retumning from Moscow again bloody and bowed Bruce. (Exploding.) Will someone for Chrissake tell me what's going on? OLiveR. I'm outofit, Lily... The great Oscar Jaffee and I Bruce. (Exploding.} Oscar Jaffee! Is he on this train! So that’s why you were so anxious for me to stay in Chicago!!! Lity. Don’t be silly, Bruce! This is the first P've heard of it! I'm zlad you're here to protect me from that maniacal litte toad! Bruce. Idon’t believe you Oliver, Wait a second, Lily, Oscar may be a maniac, he may be a toad... buthe's giant? wy. HA!ca ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acta OLIVER. And he’s on his uppers! Livy. Good! ‘Otiver, Going down forthe third time. Owen. Fourth Ouiver. And he needs you... He... He wants you to ‘come back! EVER Lity. (Genially.) LET ME SEE LET ME SEE WHEN WOULD 1 BE AVAILABLE WHEN WILL I BE FREE MARCH, SEPTEMBER, JUNE, NOVEMBER NINETEEN THIRTY-THREE, THIRTY-FOUR, THIRTY-FIVE, THIRTY-SEX (Then, exploding.) NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! THAT IS THE WORD I USE NEVER! THAT IS THE WORD | CHOOSE TELL HIM, TELL HIM YOU REALLY TRIED. ‘TELL HIM, TELL HIM THAT REALLY I'D. RATHER |. DIE! NEVER! NEVER IS MUCH TOO QUICK NEVER! HE MAKES ME MUCH TOO SICK LET HIM SAVE HIS OWN HATEFUL HIDE LET HIM KNOW HE'S SO HATEFUL VD... RATHER... DIE! Owen and Ouiver LLY, COME BACK TO HIM! Lay. NEVER! | HEAR THAT HIS FAILURE HAS BEEN FANTASTIC Owen and Otiver LILY... COME BACK TO HIM, HE MIGHT DO SOMETHING DRASTIC LILY... HE HASN'T A CUFF-LINK ON WHICH TO BORROW Ly, LOVELY! acti ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 35 Owen and Ouiver. THEY'RE TAKING HIS THEATRE AWAY ‘TOMORROW! Livy. NEVER . . . THAT IS THE WORD I SEEK NEVER . |. THAT I§ THE WORD I SHRIEK! NEVER! TELL HIM YOU HEARD IT HERE, . TELL HIM. TELL HIM YOU HEARD IT CLEAR, TELL HIM, IF HE COMES THROUGH THE DOOR, 1 WILL TRAMPLE HIM THROUGH THE FLOOR TELL AIM... TELL HIM ['LL STRANGLE HIM, TELL HIM. |. TELL HIM I'LL MANGLE HIM .”. TELL HIM TT (She starts to sputter incoherently, can't get the words out, and then, recovered, with a strong attack...) GO BACK WITH HIM! HERE'S MY REPLY AH... AAAAAAH AH... AAAAAAH AH.” | AAAHHHH .. - AAAAHHHH-AAA-AHHHH—LET. ME SEE— TD RATHER DIE... DIE. . . DIE! (At the end of this Ouiver and OweN shrug helplessly and leave.) Bruce. There must have been something going on tetween the two of you! Lucy. Nothing! Ever! Just work, work, work! (She runs to Bruce.) Oh, Baby . . . crunch me! Crunch me! (They are in each other's arms.) I've confessed everything to you about the men in my life . . . my old piano teacher. . - the opera singer. . , the assistant stage manager. . . the White Russian Prince |. | the the... the il tycoon, three of the men from the Round Table at the Algonquin Bruce. (Interrupting.j O.K. O.K. You told me Lity, But Oscar Jaffee meant nothing te me... Nothing! (Oscar comes out of washroom in A” and sits, pensively, smoking, 1s lights dim. They are reliving the past.) Oscar. (Staring ous front.) I've been waiting for you, Lily, You're late36 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act LILY. (Getting up off BRUCE'S lap and walking front—also staring out.) Darling! I eame as quickly as I could? All those people inthe dressing room! Crowding me Oscak, Beware of those vultures. They'll devour you. You and L are a orld complete. We will ist fed on each other's fire like Prometheus. and... and... Promethe—a! Lity. And like Pygmalion and Pygmali—a! Oscar OUR PRIVATE WORLD. IS LIKE A PLAY ABOUT A PAIR OF LOVERS ‘THE PLOT SAYS ONLY WE MAY ENTER AND ONLY WE MAY SHARE THE LIGHT OF LOVE... STAGE CENTER OUR PRIVATE WORLD. IS SWEET LIKE THIS COMPLETE LIKE THIS FAR BEYOND THE THRONG SURE AND STRONG WE BELONG . . . TOGETHER YOU... OPPOSITE ME OPPOSITE YOU SAFE ON OUR PLANET MADE ONLY FOR TWO. NIGHT AFTER NIGHT DAY AFTER DAY LIVING OUR PRIVATE TWO-CHARACTER PLAY HERE IN OUR PRIVATE WORLD (Oscan gets up and steps forward.) Lity and Oscar. (Apart, but singing together.) OUR PRIVATE WORLD IS LIKE A PLAY ABOUT A PAIR OF LOVERS. THE PLOT SAYS ONLY WE MAY ENTER AND ONLY WE MAY SHARE THE LIGHT OF LOVE... STAGE CENTER OUR PRIVATE WORLD IS SWEET LIKE THIS COMPLETE LIKE THIS FAR BEYOND THE THRONG acti ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 37 SURE AND STRONG WE BELON ‘TOGETHER YOU... OPPOSITE ME OPPOSITE YOU SAFE ON OUR PLANET MADE ONLY FOR TWO NIGHT AFTER NIGHT DAY AFTER DAY LIVING OUR PRIVATE TWO-CHARACTER PLAY HERE IN OUR PRIVATE WORLD (As they finish singing, Livy and Oscar each walk back 10 their ‘drawing rooms and sit, pensively staring ahead.) ACT ONE, Scene 8 OBSERVATION CAR. Scene of confusion. A NUMBER OF PASSEN- ERS... ALL talking at once. On SEVERAL of them is a sticker reading “REPENT FOR THE TIME (S AT HAND. Lockwoon has one on his hat. ANttA has one on her bag. OTHER Passencers, on the backs of their jackets. Among the Peorte is Licrit1a PRIMROSE, She has one on her bag. ALL are complaining to the ConpUctor. OWEN and OLIVER are drink- ing at bar. PASSENGERS. (Speaking at once.) What's going on here? My Jjacket’s ruined' Whereis this lunatic? This is an outrage! etc. Who's putting up these stickers?! Conpuctor. Now, ‘now . . . quiet everybody . . . calm down . . . please! We'll ind the culprit. I'm sure he’s perfectly harmless Locxwooo. [—I was sitting reading, when I felt something hit me con the head. That's all I know. When I took my hat off this sticker was on it Conpuctor. (Reading.) “‘Repent for the time is at hand.” Lerma, Ido hope it isn’t difficult to get off. Conpucror. Are you all right, Mrs, Primrose? Lerma, Oh dear... such a shock! I put down my reticule for a moment... and—38 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act i Conpuctor, You didn’t see anyone? Lerrmia. No, no . . . it could have come straight from Heaven? Coxpuctor. Don't worry Mrs. Primrose... My boys are searching every car on the tain, (A mannish-looking WOMAN comes in... DR. JOHNSON.) Dk. Jonson. I'm Dr. Johnson! This is an outrage! | was giving ‘my patient an injection when a hand reached in and slapped a sticker (on her exposed soft dorsal extremiy! Lerrmia. If 1 may, 1 thik a litle soap and water and gente rubbing should take tof Pee eee ConDUcTOR. Jest my ick to have anu lose on my trai. (OWEN tries to pour another drink.) * “ Ouiven. Come on! You've had enough! We've got to tell Oscar Lily's out! Period! en ® ‘Owen. And Brace Grant is IN! Exclamation pint! (Owen exits... followed by Ouiver. We see there isa sticker on Ouver’s back.) Conpuctor. Now if you'll all settle down in your seats We have the situation in hand. . . (The Passencers disperse.) | "ASSENGERS disperse.) We're keeping watch . . . There'll be no further incidents (ALL exit...) Don’t worry, Mrs, Primrose, (He exits. Only Lira is lt She Sits oking oat ofthe window contentedly.) oof the win Letrmia, (Singing.) ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY AS IN FLIGHT, A— CROSS THE NIGHT A— —MERICA THE BEAUTIFUL ROLLS BY (Spoken.) Ab. . all those windows, all those people, all those lives (Singing.) ACROSS THE LAND, IN EVERY HOME IN HUMBLE HUT OR PLEASURE DOME. | KNOW THERE'S DIRTY DOINGS GOING ON THE MAN WHO SEEKS THE FANCY WHORE, acts ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 9 THE BOY WHO LOCKS THE BATHROOM DOOR OH YES... 1 KNOW THERE'S DIRTY DOINGS GOING ON AND I MUST SPREAD THE WORD AND SAVE YOU FROM YOUR FATE YOU MUST MEND YOUR WAYS BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE REPENT REPENT REPENT STOP THOSE DIRTY LITTLE DOINGS, EVERY MAN AND. BOY AND WIFE REPENT, REPENT, REPENT, STOP THOSE WICKED LITTLE WooINGs THAT ARE SCREWING UP YOUR LIFE WALK THE NARROW PATH, MY FRIENDS, AND KEEP YOUR THINKING PURE, TRY TO LIFT YOUR MINDS, MY FRIENDS ‘A NOTCH ABOVE THE SEWER REPENT, REPENT REPENT, REFORM, REFORM REFORM TAKE A NICE ICY SHOWER WHEN YOU'RE FEELING WARM YA DA DA TATA DA YA DA DA TATA DA IN EVERY TOWN WE'RE PASSING THROUGH BENEATH A BUSH, INSIDE THE Z00 I KNOW THERE'S DIRTY DOINGS GOING ON, ‘THE DEVIL TEMPTS US EVERY DAY THE BACK SEAT OF A CHEVROLET COULD BE... THE PLACE... WITH DIRTY DOINGS GOING ON! SO HEED THIS SIMPLE RULE TO SAVE YOU FROM YOUR DOOM DO ONLY WHAT YOU'D DO WITH MOTHER IN THE ROOM40 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acti REPENT, REPENT REPENT, IN THE FIERY PITS OF HADES, IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOUR LAMENTS, REPENT, REPENT, REPENT— THEY'VE A FIERY PIT FOR LADIES, AND A FIERY PIT FOR GENTS, NOW'S THE TIME TO CHOOSE, MY FRIENDS, THE AFTER-LIFE YOU'LL FIT WALTZING ON A CLOUD, MY FRIENDS, OR TURNING ON A SPIT! REPENT, REPENT, REPENT, JOIN THE ANGEL’ BAND REPENT. REPENT REPENT REPENT REPENT FOR THE TIME IS AT HAND (To @ mad waltz, she takes stickers from her bag and sticks them ‘round the Observation Car, a La Swan Lake,” very balletic.} 1 KNOW THERE'S DIRTY DOINGS GOING ON (More stickers. One on Conpuctor's back as he passes through.) UKNOW THERE'S DIRTY DOINGS GOING ON. . . AND ON LIKE YOU 1 ONCE was WiLD. MEN SHOUTED “OH, YOU KID! A LIFE OF SHAME 1’ LED. AND DIRTY DOINGS DID UNTIL ONE NIGHT | SAW THE LIGHT AND HEARD SALVATION’S CALL Trumpet.) TA-TA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA T'M SO GLAD I DIDN'T HEAR IT UNTIL I DID IT ALL! (Band music begins, and she starts to lead invisible Ft Lowes.) REPENT! REPENT! REPENT! THOUGH SINNING MAY SEEM SWELL REFORM! RECANT! RETURN! RENOUNCE! REPENT OR GO TO HELL! (She motions 10 her unseen band of converts and marches trium: Phantly Offstage.) act 1 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 41 ACT ONE ScENE 9 Triple scene of OBSERVATION CAR, DRAWING ROOM "A" and DRAWING ROOM “'B.” Sometimes all three seen; sometimes ‘one or two. Lights up in “A.” Oscar is hysterical. OWEN and Ouiver supportive. ax. Grant Brie Grant! A mavie actor Aaamaasnaaigh! The final irony, Mowsng sound with boar wha she's Aways koew he'd head fore gute, (OLvtn and Owen sand there looking sympathetic) ‘Owen, I's mink ined gute, toss Oscar: Boy, Toned hes I fove hrf Owen, Wel se, at atime ke slays fae realy and drink moet ino a wellcaned stupr.You know whee lb Osta (Showing afer him) That's what you dot NotI (To uiven) Allah Tse gtto ip be fom my ea’ ms pet from Louis B. Maser © cone up wit ply, ther signe ona connect " uiven, (Exploding) You'te mad! And m a sick man! We're only twelve hours fm New Yor Oscar. You're QuveR. Don’t bother to fire me . . . I'm going! Oscar. 1 close Ouiver. know . . . You close the iron door! (Ouuver turns 10 go. When he turns, Oscar sees, and we see. a Sticker on the back of his jacket: “Repent for the time is at hand”) Oscar, (Stunned.) WAIT! (OuaveR exits. Oscar follows him into the corridor into the OBSER- VATION CAR.) OBSERVATION CAR (Owen is at the bar, OLiver coming in, Oscar following.)42 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acre ‘Oscar, WATT! Quiver. (Stopping.) What is it? (He stands with his back 10 Os- ‘CAR, OSCAR stares at the coat.) Oscar. Don't move! (He stares transfixed.) OWEN. The sticker fiend strikes again! OuiveR, (Disgusted.) Not my coat! Oscar. (Reading.) “Repent for the time is at hand!" (Heavenly chords are heard.) Boys, I've got the play! Who was the greatest sinner of them all! She saw the light! She repented! Lily Garland as Mary Magdalen’ (Heavenly music and heavenly light streams in on Oscar.) ‘OuiveR, What are you talking about! What play?! Oscar. (Triumphantly.) The character for Lily! We're doing "The Passion of Mary Magdalen'”” Now I go in there armed! Armed with the character Lily was bor to play! Oliver, I want you to draw Ime up a theater contract for Lily. Make it the most stirring document since the Bill of Rights! Give her everything a spoiled movie star could think of asking! I need a quick brushing up on the Scriptures Owen, find me a Bible! ‘Owen. On a moving tain, sie (Lights out again except for spotlight on Bible left on seat by Lerrria, with same heavenly music. Lights up.) Someone up there was listening. (He hands it 10 Oscnx.) ‘Oscak. The second miracle! They come in threes! Oliver, get 10 the Remington! And Owen, run me up a batch of press releases It’s Jaffee-Garland Again’"! Now for a complete change of costume . . . from flayboyant lover . . - to humble penitent (He exits. OLIvex g0e5 10 the typewriter. OWEN takes out a pad and pencil. We see Oscar entering DRAWING ROOM ““A."") DRAWING ROOM “A” (Oscar sits, puts on glasses and staris looking through the Bible, while OLIVER and OWEN continue the scene.) OBSERVATION CAR Ouiver, Why? Why should we? Why do we stay with Oscar? (Owen, Well, he’s charming, he’s talented, and he owes vs lot of money. (Letitia enters and starts looking for something.) act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Leriria, Good evening, gentlemen. Lovely trip! ‘Owen. Oh, sensational. (He keeps writing.) Letitia. Have you seen a Bible? Born, No! Lerivia. Oh, 1 do hope it has fallen into the hands of some miserable sinner. ‘Owen. Madam, you could almost stake your life on that ‘DRAWING ROOM “A”" (Oscar, reading and feverishly making notes.) DRAWING ROOM: (Lity and Bruce in passionate embrace.) [ALL THREE LOCALES visible Bruce, Listen, baby, play it my way. Wehitall he night spon ld Cosham then back fo the sumfin, and make Beata movies Together : Fey T don't know, Maybe, maybe... Lily Galan’ all con fused thes Tookingforsomethingreal -. Crunch me! (They crunch. There is a knock at the door. They break. BRUCE “opens the door 10 let in a WatTER with a tray of champagne and caviar.) ce, Ah! Surprise The fish eggs! Ha a! icv (Lamguoreusy.) Ab, memories of Malibu! {think 1 step cout ofthese icky things, Throwing him aks she exits, BRUCE its down, looking expectant) DRAWING ROOM “ tes of his dressing gown ont deses more soberly. A OLA He cperinene thes of i eallar. mich a etm coin Loking i them, uns round eee em necamins the pcs ike eect inthe mitor ao neni 9 DRAWING ROOM "Br inks beter of bck ne wayitwes During Bi.)ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acta DRAWING ROOM “B: (BrUce chills, then opens the bortle of champagne. Then goes to the mirror on door 10 Drawing Room "A". In “A” and "'B'", BRUCE and Oscar are on opposite sides of the adjoining door, ‘both looking into their mirrors. Their faces are very close 10 ‘each other, but of course the door is in between. They both primp in expectation of seeing Li.y . . . Comb hair, examine evebrows, try different smiles, anitudes. BRUCE, the seducer; Oscan, the penitent.) Oscar. (Spoken.) Hello, you Bruck, (Spoten.) Hello. you Oscar. YOUR FLASHING WIT Bruce. YOUR FLASHING EYES ‘Oscar. YOUR BRILLIANT BRAIN Bruce, YOUR BRUTAL THIGHS Born. THESE ARE THE TOOLS YOU'VE GOT AT YOUR ‘COMMAND Oscar TO MAKE HER MINE Bruce, TO KEEP HER MINE Oscar. TO MAKE HER MINE Bruce, YOUR CROOKED SMILE ‘Oscar YOUR INNER FIRE Bruce, THAT SPELLS ROMANCE Oscar. THAT SPARKS DESIRE Bruce CUDDLY, CRUNCHY Born. YOU'VE GOT WHAT THE LADIES CRY FOR act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Oscar, CRAFTY, CUNNING Born YOU ARE WHAT THEY'D GLADLY DIE FOR ‘Oscak ‘TALENT, GENIUS Born. YOU'RE THE STUFF THAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF * Bruce. HE-MAN LOVER Bort. WHAT HAVE YOU TO BE AFRAID OF? WHAT HAVE YOU TO BE AFRAID OF? YOU'RE ALMOST PERFECT BUT ONE THING IS TRUE YOU NEED HER DESPERATELY BUT SHE DOES NOT NEED YOU SHE RUNS THE SHOW SHE LEADS THE BAND THE ROYAL FLUSH Is IN HER HAND FACE IT, OLD BOY YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO FAIL MUST NOT FAIL DARE NOT FAIL. WILL NOT FAIL Oscar, SO FLASH THAT WIT Bruce, AND FLASH THOSE EYES Osea AND USE THAT BRAIN Bruce AND USE THOSE THIGHS Bort, HEY TEAM! YAY TEAM! BREAK RIGHT THROUGH THE LINE! THERE IS NO STRONGER CHALLENGE THAN AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN— 4s46 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY YOU CAN DO IT YOU CAN DO IT Bruce GOT TO KEEP HER Osean. GOT TO MAKE HER BoTH. (Ending up one knee facing front.) MINE! MINE! ALL MINE! ‘OBSERVATION CAR Lerrmia, (To Owen.) { see you're a writer ‘Owen. Well, I Lerrmia. I admire anyone who can create. I do love to sponsor creative people and their endeavors ‘OweN. Well, ma'am .. . I'm afraid I'm no Dostoievsky or Edgar Guest. I’ just write press releases . . . you know, sort of advertising DRAWING ROOM "A”* OuiveR. (Entering, and handing press release to Oscar.) Here it is, Chier. ‘Oscar. (Showing him Bible.) You know, they don’t write dia- logue like this anymore OBSERVATION CAR Leriria, Advertising? My company uses quite a bit of adver- tising. OWEN. (Interested now.) Your company? Lerimia, Yes, I do believe there's an ad in this Saturday Evening Post. (She looks over at it as he fips pages.) There it is! ‘Owen. (Awed.) That's your company? Primrose Restoria Pills? Lerma, Yes, I'm the founder and president . . . Letitia Pea- body Primrose. (She hands him a bottle from her bag.) May I present you with this sample. ‘Owen, (Very impressed.) Still going strong, hun. . That's an impressive ad. Letitia, And worth it! Our dividends tripled las fiscal year ‘And that surplus capital. . . we hardly know what to do with it Good works, of course ‘OweN. Of course ‘ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY DRAWING ROOM “A” Oscas. (Finishing reading Ouiven’s press release.) ives, you're a genius! (Ouiver goes into OBSERVATION CAR.) OBSERVATION CAR Own. (Sensing a kilt) Avd you mentioned sponsoring cfeative endeavors errr. Of course! Owen. (Expansively.) OF course! (Calling fo OuiveR as he joins them) Over! | want you t0 meet miracle number three (Blackout on OBSERVATION CAR.) ACT ONE Scene 10 DRAWING ROOM * (Oscar gives himself a last once over. He picks up foulard scarf which he has tied to make a sling, and slips it on his arm. During this business. . .) DRAWING ROOM (Lity enters in a devastatingly seductive negligee. BRUCE, overcome by the sight, reels backwards and crashes 10 the floor and looks up at her in awe.) Bruce. Wow! Too bad you're just going to have to take it right off again... (He goes toward her like a hungry dog about 10 be fed, barking and growling.) Lavy. (Playing the game.) SIT! (BRUCE jumps up on bench like a dog and sits.) HEEL!! (BRuct heels.) BEG! (He sits up, barking, ‘a3 Oscan enters. Bruce and Lity break from their playing as Oscar enters. BRUCE, embarrassed, gets up and tries to sit casually (on the nearest Seat.) OSCAR... OH, GOD! ‘Osean. I just dropped in to say hello, Lily. I thought I heard your bark... your voice. No other voice like it.48 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ner Lity. Enraged.) Well then, listen closely to this voice (Shouting in his ear.) GET OUT! Oscar, “Get out.”” No one can say that the way you do, Lily Bruce. (Belligerent.) So you're Oscar Jaffee... (Oscar ‘makes a slight bow.) Miss Garland and I both want you to leave. (Bruce starts toward him, jabbing him on shoulder. Oscar raises his arm-in-a-sling, self protectively.) Lavy, Easy, Bruce... easy Oscar, Easy, Bruce. Down, boy! Lity. (To BRucE,) He’s just a figment of my imagination, He'll disappear. ‘Oscar, True enough, Lily, I must seem a figment to you now. A. Diurred snapshot in an old album. You're in ittoo . . . Two blurred figures caught forever in a feverish moment of love. Bruce. (Suspiciously.) What snapshots? Oscar. (He looks around innocently.) He doesn’t know about us? I thought everybody knew. Lacy, Shut up, you murderer! Oscar, The universe spun around our private world for five blaz- ing years... but I now happily hand over the flaming torch 10 you, You're a fine boy. Go, Adam. Go, Eve, The world is yours. (LILy bursts into tears.) Bruce. (Outraged.) You lied 10 me! You lied to me! Lay. (Sobbing.) Oh, stop hammering at me! Everybody stop hhamuering at me!!! BRUCE. (Sarcasticully.) | was the first great love im your life! All those others just escapades! LiLy. Yes, I lied! I lied! 1 fied! (During this, Oven, seeing what he has ser in motion, has sat down on a couch, watching.) BRUCE. (Furious.) I'll never believe anything you ever tell me again! . . . Listen, lady—nobody fools around with Bruce Granit! LiL. You're right, Bruce, You've been taken advantage of. I's a plain case of rape! Bruce, Huh?! Lity. But don’t worry—it's all over now. Your honor is saved! Bruce. (Realizing he has blown it.) Now, now . . . wait a minute Little Lulu, T didn't say anything about it being all over! acti ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Livy. No, but I did Bruce, You don’t mean that? (He starts going toward her. Lity. Don't touch me! Bruce, (Ripping his photo off the wall, showing it to her.) Hey! Hold everything! It's Big Boo-Boo talking! , Lity. And this is Little Lulu saying get out of my life! I choi the iron door! Bruce, Don’t worry, kid, I'll be back! (He leaves. OSCAR RES up ‘and applauds.) Lity. You, too. Go and crawl back under your stone! You have ruined my life for the second time! Go! Alakazam! Poof! Ne. you ‘won't disappear, will you? You evil genie! What lamp do 1 have to rub to get rid of you? MoseSk Lily, everyting you sa about me ste, But your new friend, trumpetting like a wounded elephant Lit. [don’t need him. § don't need anybody. Oscar. Yes, you proved that, It was a bitter lesson to me. Lity. Megalomaniac! Hypocrite! Oscar. Yes... my jealousy... my possessiveness sheer insanity! LILY. Our private world . . . my private prison! COscAR. Yes, I deserved everything I got. That moment when you walked out, years ago, out in your bitterness and despair Lit. Oh, come on! That moment was the salvation of my life and ‘you know it. Lhad to prove 10 the world that T exist without you (During all this, Oscar and LiLy have both been busily eating the ‘caviar and crackers, LILY scoops more caviar on another Cracker and stuffs it in her mouth. She reaches for another cracker just as he does... He puts his hand over hers and holds it. She looks at him. They freete a second. Breathless—quietly.) Let go, you ape. ‘OSCAR. (Withdrawing his hand.) Sorry. (She jumps up.) Sight of your hand... . touched an old nerve... uh... (He picks up champagne bottle and holds it up to her.) Champagne? Lity. Only if 1 can pour i over your head! ‘Oscar, Don't waste the precious brew! Lity. (Haughtily.) Ha! ICs like water to me. “T'VE GOT IT ALL” LIFE IS SIMPLY GREAT MY SILVERWARE IS GOLD THROUGH MY BEL AIR ESTATE50 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acrid CHAMPAGNE’S A FLOWING RIVER, NEXT TO MY ROLLS-ROYCE, A CADILLAC’S A FLIVVER 1'M IN CLOVER, AND MY CUP—IT RUNNETH OVER. 1 HAVE PUT MY FOOTPRINTS IN THE WET CONCRETE MY HOMETOWN NOW HAS A LILY GARLAND STREET TAM MOBBED BY FANS WHO FAINT AND SHRIEK MY NAME— ‘THE PRICE OF FAME! LOOK ‘AT YOU AND ME. ‘THE SWEETEST STORY TOLD I'M HIGH AS I CAN BE, YOU'RE LYING IN AN ALLEY ‘TRILBY FOUND HER VOICE SHE DOESN'T NEED SVENGALI YOU'VE GOT NOTHING . . . AND I GOT IT ALL! FORGIVE MY LACK OF TACT BUT HERE'S THE BASIC FACT YOU'VE GOT NOTHING AND I'VE GOT IT ALL! Oscar. (Spoken.) Are you finished? Lity. (Spoken.) No, you are! CHAUFFEUR, BUTLER, COOK Oscar YOU'RE SPOILED Ly. THEY'RE FOREIGN AND THEY'RE OLD ‘Oscar YOUR REPUTATION’S SOILED A BILLION SHOP GIRLS APE YOU NIGHTLY, NATIONWIDE A BILLION FARMHANDS RAPE YOU Livy. PLEASE STOP TRYING WHAT YOU'D LIKE TO SELL ME I'M NOT BUYING DON'T COME AT ME WITH A CONTRACT I WILL NOT SIGN ANY CONTRACT Oscar. CONTRACT? CONTRACT? WHO SAID CONTRACT? DID YOU HEAR ME MENTION CONTRACT? act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY SI (Music Minor. . . Gypsy-scunding.) 1 CAME HERE WITH A DREAM WE SHARED ONCE LONG AGO TWO HEARTS WITH ONE GRAND SCHEME LIL. (Spoken,) Don’t you know when something's over? Oscar, (Spoken.) This Was a professional dream. Sung.) THE ROLE THAT YOU WERE MADE FOR A ROLE, A CHANCE TO PLAY, THAT BERNHARDT WOULD HAVE PAID FOR Lity. SAVE YOUR BREATH DON'T EVEN TRY BACK AGAIN WITH YOU? I'D RATHER DIE! Oscar, PERHAPS IT’S JUST AS WELL I'VE SEEN YOU ON THE SCREEN ON STAGE YOU WOVE A SPELL. WITH EACH NEW PLAY IT DEEPENED BUT NOW YOUR ART IS GONE IT’S COARSENED AND IT’S CHEAPENED! SINCE YOU ROLLED OUT. SINCE YOU SOLD OUT . . . TO CHEAP HOLLYWOOD SLEAZY, CHEESY HOLLYWOOD PITIFUL, CITY-FUL OF CELLULOID SLIME Lity. YOU'RE JEALOUS Oscar, ERMINE VESTED, VERMIN INFESTED, HOME OF FREAKS, AND SHEIKS AND GEEKS AND ‘CELLULOID CRIME Livy. SOUR GRAPES Oscar, PLAYING FOOLISH PARTS EVERY PART THE SAME, MORONS WHO DIRECT CRUCIFY YOUR NAME.32 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acti LILY ON DISPLAY JUST A BARGAIN SALE LILY, FACE THE TRUTH LILY! YOU'VE GONE STALE! Livy, (Stung.) STALE! Oscar ANOTHER STALE, CHEAP DOLLY FROM CHEAP, CHEAP HOLLY Livy. LIFE IS SIMPLY GREAT MY SILVERWARE IS GOLD THROUGH MY BEL AIR ESTATE CHAMPAGNE’S A FLOWING RIVER LOOK AT MY ROLLS-ROYCE Oscar POOR LILY, YOU'VE GONE STALE Lity. (Holding up her Academy Award.) THE MOVIE PUBLIC'S CHOICE Oscar ‘THAT'S NOT THE HOLY GRAIL, Livy. ALL THE BIGGEST NAMES IN TOWN ARE BEGGING TO BE ASKED TO DINNER Oscar. GIVE THEM ALL A YEAR OR SO, THEY'LL DROP YOU FOR THE LATEST WINNER Lity DID IT ALL MYSELF Oscar KEEP YOUR TAINTED PELF Liny. GOT THERE BY MYSELF Oscar HEADED FOR THE SHELF Luvy. NEVER NEEDED YOU Oscar LILY, YOU AR Lay UMA WINNER THROUGH act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 3 Oscar, YOU'RE A LOSER Livy. STOP YOUR TRYING TM NOT BUYING Oscar, TRAGIC STORY LOST YOUR GLORY SOME SVENGALI IN AN ALLEY Oscar SHOP GIRLS APE YOU FARMHANDS RAPE YOU Liy. I'VE Gor IT OscAR YOU'VE LOST IT Lay PVE Got IT Oscar, YOU'VE LOST IT Livy PVE Gor IT Oscar, YOU'VE LOST IT Liy. PVE Gor IT Oscar. YOU'VE LOST IT CHEAP HOLLYWOOD Livy YVE GOT IT ALL (Oscar CHEAP HOLLYWOOD Livy. VVE GOT IT ALL Oscar, YOU'VE LOST IT I'VE Gor IT(Afier the Number, there is a pause.) Lity. Oscar, you're crazy! You haven't a penny! They're taking your theatre away from you in che moming, Oscak, That's a lie. . , you've been listening to my enemies, Lity. I've been listening to your two loyal bootlickers, Mr, Webb and Mr. O'Malley... . (Oscan gasps.) They begged me to take pity on your or you would hurl Yourself under a moving baby cat- riage or something sca, (Reeling.) I'm offering you your last chance to become immortal LiLy. L've decided to stay mortal with a responsible producer! Max Jacobs! ‘Oscar. (Staggered.) Max Jacobs! Lity. Yes, your ex-assistant stage manager. Oscar. He’s illiterate! He can’t even write his name! Lity. He writes it allright on checks!" Great big checks!" Now get out before J call the conductor . .. you dime museum chafla- tan... you fake... Get out! ‘Oscar. (Yelling.) You litle fool! I'll haunt you forever... (As she screams, he says with finality.) As there is a God in Heaven, Mildred Plotka, you'll wind up where you Belong . . . playing piano in 2 second class bordello! (He goes to the door, with all the dignity he can muster. AS he '80e5 through the door, she hurls the champagne bottle, and it crashes against it ar irclases after him.) ACT ONE SCENE IL DRAWING ROOM “A” Oscar comes staggering in Oscar. (Screaming. Where are those two reptiles! I'll kill them acti ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 35 with my bare hands! (He is about to rush out through the door to the corridor when in comes Quiver.) Traitor! (He goes for OLIVER.) Ouiver. Quickly.) Wait, 0.3.! Oscar. You gray rat! Ouver. (Excitedly.) You know who we met? The patent medicine queen . . . Letitia Primrose!!! You know, Restoria Pills!!!" She’s rich and religious! She'll back the show! Write your own ticket! ‘Oscar. (Getting the picture immediately.) Did you say religious? ‘Where is het? Ouver. Right outside that door. . . with Owen! Oscar. (Gravely imperious.) Bring her to me! (Owen leads Letitia in. . . dowing and stepping aside for her.) OWEN. Miss Primrose. . . thisis Mr, Oscar Jaffee (Oscan, acting with great dignity, like a Cardinal.) Oscar. How do you do, Madam . . . (Extends his hand.) Lerimia. These gentlemen have told me all about you and the ‘work you are planning, Oscar. Oh! Lerimia. They both say ahere’s nothing like live theatre—it's the _gmeatest business in the world Oscar. Indeed itis. Leni. Itis unusual tofind a man (There isa knock atthe door.) Oscar. (Impatiently.) Yes, yes, whats it? (Door opens and standing there i GRovER LOCKWOOD.) Locxwoop. Uh . . . I used to live here . . . I'm Congress. ‘man Grover Lockwood, Head of the Hog Market Committe. ‘Oscar. Yes, Congressman, you're doing a fine job. Excuse me. Lockwoob. Great privilege, sir. You see... . (He sings.) 1 HAVE WRITTEN A PLAY, MR. JAFFEE AN AVERAGE HOG MARKET COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN'S, DAY, MR. JAFFEE IT’S ALL ABOUT LIFE ON THE HOG MARKET COMMITTEE56 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY acti I CALL IT. Oscar. (Joining him.) “LIFE ON THE HOG MARKET COMMITTEE” 1 put it down just as it happened. O, the things I've seen. O, the things I've seen, If you put it on the stage I guarantee, take it from me, it would be a big success. Yes! A big success. Thank you, Senator. [ won't sleep until I've read it, (They usher Lockwoon ‘out unceremoniously. To Letitia, resuming his saintly manner, in- stantly.) You were saying? Lerimta, It is unusual to find a man of your profession interested in religion, What is your denomination? Oscar. (Trapped.) Madam... my denomination. . . it’s uh... not Catholic . . . (OscAR looks over at OLIVER, who tries to form the word “Baptist” with his lips. Then OWEN has an inspiration . . . he seizes a full pitcher of water and empties it over Otiver’s hat. OscaR reacts at once. Trivmphanily.) Madam . I'm proud and happy to say that I'm 2 Baptist! (They shake hands graciously. Against this, PASSENGERS, TRAIN PERSONNEL, sing:) PASSENGERS and TRAIN PERSONNEL. LIFE AND LOVE AND LUCK MAY BE CHANGED HOPE RENEWED AND FATE REARRANGED. ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ON THE LUXURY LINER BETWEEN N.Y. AND CHI (As they sing, on both sides of the train we see Oscan and his group in drawing room "A", exultng in their sudden turn of fortune with Letitia and in drawing room “'B"'. we see BRUCE and Liy toasting each other in champagne across an elegantly spread dinner table, with a waiter in attendance. AS they sing, a plane wings its way noisily above the train, speeding ahead out of sight, a portent of the future.) END OF ACT ONE (The Four Porters enter in front of the show curtain and sing this ‘mock-heroic quartet.) First PoRTeR WASN'T IT ROBERT FULTON WHO SAID acti ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 37 “LIFE 1S LIKE A TRAIN” NO IT WASN'T HE SAID, “LIFE IS LIKE A BOAT” ‘SECOND PORTER WASN'T IT ISAAC NEWTON WHO SAID “LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN” NO, (T WASN'T HE SAID, “LIFE IS LIKE AN APPLE” ‘TruRn PORTER. WASN'T IT LORD CHESTERFIELD WHO SAID “LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN" NO, IT WASN'T HE SAID, “LIFE IS LIKE A COAT” FouRTH Porter, THEN WHO SAID IT? WHO SAID rT? Au. WE DID... WE DID HA HA HA HO HO HO HO HA HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HO HO HA HA HA HA HA HA HO HA HA HA HA Ho LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN AND AREN'T WE LUCKY TO BE MAKING THE RIDE ‘TOGETHER LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN ‘A ROARING RUSHING TRAIN YOU GET ON AT THE BEGINNING YOU GET OFF AT THE END ALONG THE WAY YOU MAY FIND A LOVER ALONG THE WAY YOU MAY FIND A FRIEND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T GET THE COSMIC THOUGHT THAT HIT OUR BRAIN LET US EXPLAIN ONCE AGAIN LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN . . . LIFE IS LIKE A. TRAIN... LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN . . . LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN LIFE IS... NOT LIKE AN APPLE LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN |. . LIFE 1s LIKE A TRAIN LIFE IS LIKE A TRA—AIN58 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY LIFE 1s LIKE A TRAIN... LIFE IS LIKE A “T" LIFE IS LIKE AN “R" UFE IS LIKE AN “ LIFE IS LIKE AN LIFE 1S LIKE AN “'N) LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN LIFE Is NOT A BOAT LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN LIFE IS NOT A COAT LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN, ETC. YOU GET ON AT THE BEGINNING YOU GET ON AT THE END THERE'S ALWAYS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE ‘TUNNEL ‘THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW ‘ROUND THE BEND BUT THIS IS OUR PHILOSOPHY AND THIS IT SHALL, REMAIN LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN LIFE 1S LIKE A TRAIN LIFE IS LIKE & TRAIN LIFE IS LIKE A TRA‘AI—AI—AIN!!! (They exit.) ACT TWO Scene 1 DRAWING ROOM “A.” It is shortly after the moment Act One ‘ended on. Owen, OLIVER and Oscar all beaming at LETITIA, who is writing a check. Oscar is hovering over her as the Ores, @ bit part, sing Owen and Otiver. (Beside themselves with happiness.) ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE ZEROS PRECEDED BY A TWO PRECEDED BY A DOLLAR SIGN IS TOO OH OH OH OH OH WONDERFUL FOR WORDS HELLO OLD FRIEND HELLO MR. MONEY YOU'VE BEEN AWAY SO LONG PULL UP A CHAIR PUT UP YOUR FEET HELLO OLD FRIEND WE'VE MISSED YOU, MR. MONEY $0, STICK AROUND, DON’T LEAVE US “CAUSE WHEN YOU ARE HERE... WE. EAT Leritia. Ah yes, one more zero, (She writes and hands him FIVE ZEROS PRECEDED BY A TWO PRECEDED BY A DOLLAR SIGN IS TOO OH OH OH OH OH WONDERFUL FOR WORDS Lerrmia. Is that correct, Mr, Jaffee? (She shows him the check) Oscar. (Examining it,’ then, discreetly.) One mote zero, Mrs. Primrose, check.) Oscar. Mrs. Primrose, thank you 3960 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Lerimia, Oh please, it's nothing. FIVE ZEROS, PRECEDED BY A TWO Is JUST THE MEREST BAGATELLE THERE'S SO OH OH OH OH OH MUCH MORE I CAN DO MY NEW FOUND FRIEND WHY WHAT GOOD IS MONEY? EXCEPT TO BRING SALVATION TO THIS SORRY VALE OF TEARS Oscar. MY NEW FOUND FRIEND I'LL TAKE YOUR SACRED MONEY AND SQON YOU'LL SHARE THE GLORY WHEN THE THEATRE BURSTS WITH CHEERS! ALL. (ln soft-shoe tempo.) HELLO, OLD FRIEND. HELLO MR, BROADWAY YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET WE'RE GONNA TEAR THE TOWN APART HELLO, OLD FRIEND WE'RE BRINGING BACK TO BROADWAY [AN OSCAR JAFFEE CLASSIC THAT'S COMMERCIAL YET IT'S ART (Back 10 original.) FIVE ZEROS, PRECEDED BY A TWO PRECEDED BY A DOLLAR SIGN Is TOO . . . OH OH OH OH OH WONDERFUL FOR WORDS (Phere is a knock on the door.) Oscar, Yes? (AGNES sticks her head in.) Acnes. Miss Garland wants to sce you. . . don't ask me why. Right away. (She leaves. At look at each orher, amazed.) ‘Oscar. (With the check.) Lily doesn’t know about this. She doesn’t even know what the partis... (His old self-—Exuberant.) Boys! 1 must have reached her! (He kisses Mrs. PRIMROse’s hand ‘and is about to leave wher there is a knock on the door.) Yes? (Dr. Jonson rushes in and intercepts his leaving.) Dr. JOHNSON. Mr. Jaffee, I'm Dr. Johnson! actu ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 61 Oscar. (Antempting t0 sweep past.) Delighted! But I never felt better! Dr. JouNson. You don't understand . . (Sings.) 1 HAVE WRITTEN A PLAY, MR. JAFFEE AN AVERAGE GASTRO-ENTEROLOGISTS'S DAY, MR JAFFEE {T'S ALL ABOUT LIFE IN A METROPOLITAN HOSPITAL UCALL [1 “LIFE IN A METROPOLITAN HOSPITAL” Oscar, (Trying to stop her.) Dr. Johnson, have a pressing Dr. Jounson. PUT IT DOWN— (OWEN and Ouiver try 10 interrupt.) OWEN. (Trying to push her aside.) Dr. Johnson. . . you're wanted in surgery Dr. JOHNSON. (Going right on.) JUST AS TT HAPPENED. OH, THE THINGS I'VE SEEN IF YOU PUT IT ON THE STAGE 1 GUARANTEE, TAKE IT FROM ME, IT WOULD BEA BIG SUCCESS OH! YES! A BIG SUCCESS. ulate terapting.) Not now, Dr. Johnsen . - no now! T'm sy! DR. JOHNSON. And if you've taken ill on this train, Tl be busy? (He pushes her out into the corridor.) ‘Oscar. Mrs. Primrose, you are about to meet a very famous imetion pete actress wh is reting tothe age! te gots toward door to DRAWING ROOM “'B."") aes ACT TWO. Scene 2 DRAWING ROOM “B.”" BRUCE in his shirsleeves . . . Thereisa knock on the door . ... BRUCE goes {0 the door and opens it, OSCAR enters and looks instanily unhappy at the sight of Bruce.)e ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act Bruce. (Condescendingly.) Hello, Jaffee. . . Come in, come in, (Caliing.) He's here, baby! Thought you broke us up, ch Jaffee Well... you've only brought us closer together than ever, thanks, Cupid! (He jabs Oscar in the ribs with one finger.) Lity. Entering.) Run along, Bruce Bruce. Sure thing, honey. (Gives her a light kiss on the cheek.) Gotta get to the barbershop... . (Rubs his chin.) This stubble’s @ little rough on the softest skin in the nation! You're doing a fine thing, Lil! (He breezes out. Livy smiles and sits.) ‘Oscar. Did you summon me just to witness this revolting demonstration of domesticity? Lucy. (Very composed.) Sit down, Oscar. Oscar. (Totally puzzled by allthis.) And what, may I ask, is this fine thing you're doing? Lacy. Just sit down, please. (He sis.) Oscar, I'm sorry about the scene that took place between us. Obviously the mere sight of each other is @ cue for mutual destruction . . . fang and claw . . . the ‘mongoose and the cobra ‘Oscar. Which one am I? Lity. (Coolly.) Don’t interrupt, please. I'm ashamed. Why? Be- ‘cause I do know that itis simply not right to kick a person when he is down, I feel I owe you a lot, so I just wanted to give you a litle something to help tide you over. (She hands him a check.) ‘Oscar. (Reading the check.) Thirty-five dollars. Lity. T'll send you one every week. ‘Oscar, Till I'm back on my knees. Lity. For life, if necessary ‘Oscar. Lily, I'm deeply touched. Livy. Please, please . .. just take it and go. Oscax. (Bursting out.) Haha! (He jumps up on a seat, brandish: ing the check.) Thank you, Lily! Thank you! . . . Ha-ha! You always said I was a magician! Look! Look! Nothing up my sleeves! (He does some magic passes.) I fold up this simple check (She is watching him aghast.) bearing the legend . . . thirty-five dollars... (He puts it in his fis.) You, lady, you in the first row... Blow on it! (Holds out his fist. Livy shakes her head indulgentty.) Lity. You're crazy. Oscar. Blow! (As magician; opens his fist.) Now unfold it and read! (Lity unfolds the check. Oscar, of course, has substiuted the other check.) Lity. (Reading.) Five zeros preceded by a two! act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 6 ‘Oscar. Together with your generous check, Lily . . . (He sakes our hers.) I have two hundred thousand, thirty-five dollar-—I'm back in business, Lily! Lity. (She is stunned . . . staring at he check.) Who is “Letitia Peabody Primrose"? ‘Oscar. Did you ever hear of Restoria pills? Lity. That's who... 2! Oscar. Yes... A very special lady of unlimited wealth. A very religious lady! She had but to hear the subject of my production and her cornucopia showered gold on my eager brow! (He presses on.) Oh, Lily, what a part! Not just a part... . an anthology of womankind, Lity. (Quietly.) What's the part? Oscar, Happens to be the greatest woman of all time! Just her memory had kept the whole world weeping for centuries! (Pause.) ‘The Magdalen! (Lity pulls herself up and looks suddenly transfigured. The stage blacks out for a moment, except fora shaft of light that hits her, and there is strong religious-sounding fanfare, suggestive of Bach or Wagner. Then lights come up full.) Lity. (Looking transformed.) The Magdalen! Mary Magdalen! Oscar. Lily! Ican see you . . . (Lity snaps out of it immedi ately.) Lity. (Witheringly.) Get out of here! ‘Oscar. (Feverently.) Picture it. . . the wickedest, most beauti- ful woman of her age running the gamut from the gutter to glory ‘ending up in tears atthe foot of the Cross! I'm going to have Judas strangle himself with her hair. Lity. (Getting carried away; acting this out.) No, no! The Roman centurion has converted. He gives me his sword. Judas, ina shriek of agony, runs into my arms and impales himself on it ‘Oscar. Lily . . . that’s an inspiration! Go on! Go on! Livy, Oh! What a movie this would make!! Oscar. Later. Think theatre, Lily, theatre Livy. Yes, yes. (Deep in it}) Magdalen! The counterpart of the ‘modern women, Fatal beauty, enormous intelligence . . she can find no outlet in that corrupt time, and by implication we mean today... she's considered chattel, goods, man’s plaything her sinning is a form of revenge to defy a society she cannot change, and she goes down... down .. . downoo ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act COscAR Ino the depths sa depraved banquet scene... you covered completely in emerals from head t foe and nothing else Aan bt the sh! The ish! You tee in aS ak path ie sigue sling olives inthe marketplace Liv Olives ales scan. "The Emperor Nev himself oes you half hs empire You answer hin with speech that probably the greatest picce of erature ever writen iy Gating pose.) Wit all heights of Heaven pouring down scak. Yes! Transgued with lve and srite, List The Emperor snk ois knees sents es! Yes he sinks to his hes at her feet) In abject repentance! He has see the ght "Titre reaches down him =. allcompassion and forgve- ness Lity reaches her a dows omard Osa. He reaches p10 fer) Emperor, you must change four dso Ways! (seat (Carried any.) Oh cold change with You o Guide me and inpte me! Ob Li! (Music stops. He ts holding her around her waist, She is about 0 take his face in her two hands; suddenly breaks out of it ‘and pulis away.) LiLy. Oscar . . . you're living in a flashback. Get up! (She walks away, disturbed at her feelings.) Oscar, (Quietly.) Lily, do you know what J was remembering at dat moment? Lity. (Strongly. } No remembering! Oscak. (Trying to be very matter of fact.) Of course. You make the rules, Lily. With unlimited resources at my command LiLy. (Very businesslike.) How do I know this check isn't a fic- tion? How do I know Mrs. Primrose even exists? ‘OscAR, Simplicity itself! Here she is! (He opens the door between the compartments ‘A lights up ‘and OSCAR ushers LiLy into A," as music begins for the sextet that follows.) (Owen and OLiveR. (Springing up.) HEY LILY, HEY LILY YOU'RE HOME AGAIN, AT LAST! HI LILY, HI LILY act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Oscar, BOYS, NOT TOO FAST. THIS iS MRS. LETITIA PRIMROSE, LETITIA RESTORIA PRIMROSE. MRS. PRIMROSE MEET LILY GARLAND. Lemma, HOW DO You po? : YOU'RE THE FAMOUS MOTION PICTURE ACTRESS MR. JAFFEE SAID I'D MEET TODAY. | BELIEVE IN OSCAR JAFFEE! MY PURSE STRINGS ARE OPEN, TLL SPONSOR HIM ALL THE WAY! (Ottver hands Lavy the contract, confidently, she sits and starts Treading. Oscar watches, Levitta beams.) Otiver and Owen. (Leaning over Livy.) SIGN LILY, SIGN LILY, SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE SIGN LILY, COME BACK TO US, LILY, SIGN. IT'S NOT A CONTRACT, IT'S MORE LIKE A VALENTINE! SIGN IT, LILY, SIGN LILY SIGN. Ler WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT! WHAT A MYSTICAL MOMENT! THIS IS MORE THAN A CONTRACT IT’S MORE LIKE TAKING THE VOWS! (Bruce enters “B,"" sees LILY's not there, walks into ““A."") Bruce. (Entering enraged.) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? 1GO OUT FOR A SHAVE Owen, Otiver and Lerinta, ssssut Livy. I'M READING, Bruce, ‘A LOUSY LITTLE SHAVE, Owen, OLiver and Lerira SSSSH!6 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ‘Oscar ‘SHE'S READING. BRUCE. WHAT'S THAT THING? ‘Owen, Oiver and LETITIA, IT’S A CONTRACT Oscar, OWEN and OLIVER SSSH! Bruce, IT’S A CONTRACT? Oscar. IT'S A CONTRACT! LISTEN, LILY. WHO REMEMBERS WHO DIRECTED BERNHARDT, LILY? WHO REMEMBERS WHO DIRECTED DUSE, LILY? NO ONE WILL REMEMBER I DIRECTED YOU. THEY'LL ONLY THINK OF LILY GARLAND! YOU ARE WHAT THEY'LL WRITE ABOUT, MISS LLY GARLAND! YOU ARE WHAT THEY'LL TALK ABOUT, JUST LILY GARLAND! SIGN IT, LILY, ‘THEY'LL REMEMBER YOU FOREVER! ‘Oscar. ‘OWEN and OLIVER, LISTEN, LILY SIGN, LILY WHO REMEMBERS WHO SIGN, LILY DIRECTED BERNHARDT, LILY? SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE. WHO REMEMBERS WHO SIGN, LILY DIRECTED COME BACK TO DUSE, LILY? us, LILY— NO ONE WILL REMEMBER I DIRECTED YOU, THEY'LL, (ALL together.) oscar. Owen and OLIvER, ONLY THINK OF SIGN LILY GARLAND IT's NOT A YOU ARE WHAT THEY'LL CONTRACT, IT'S ‘WRITE ABOUT, MISS act i ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY LILY GARLAND! MORE LIKE A YOU ARE WHAT THEY'LL VALENTINE! TALK ABOUT, JUST LILY GARLAND! SIGN IT, LILY THEY'LL REMEMBER YOU FOREVER! Lenina WHAT A’ BEAUTIFUL MOMENT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WHAT A MYSTICAL DOING? MOMENT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THIS IS MORE THAN A DOING? CONTRACT, IT's DON'T SIGN IT, MORE LIKE DON'T SIGN IT, TAKING THE VOWS! DON'T SIGN IT! Oscar, OWEN, OLIVER and Lerma SIGN IT, LILY. SIGN IT, LILY, SIGN IT, LILY SIGN IT, LILY Bruce, DON'T SIGN, LILY Oscar, OWEN, Quiver and Lerimi SIGN IT, LILY SIGN IT, LILY, SIGN IT, LILY SIGN IT, LILY Bruce. DON'T SIGN, LILY ‘Oscar, OWEN, OLiver and Leririn SIGN IT, SIGN'TT, SIGN TT, Bruce. DON’T SIGN! Oscar, OWEN, Otiver and Lerma. SIGN IT, SIGN'IT, SIGN IT, Bruce. DON’T SIGN! Livy. (Watking forward.) Oscar, OWEN, OLIVER and WHY AMI Lerma, Softly.) EVEN CON- SIGN IT SIDERING SIGN IT THIS? SIGN IT68 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY actu Bruce DON’T SIGN IT! Livy. Oscar, OwEN, OLIVER and Is IT THE Lenn, TWO HUNDRED SIGN IT THOUSAND SIGN IT DOLLARS? SIGN IT NO. IT'S MORE THAN THAT! IT’S SOMETHING ELSE. SOMETHING ELSE! WEAR MY HEART HAMMER! FEEL MY PULSE QUICKEN! HE AND | ONCE AGAIN, TOGETHER! WATCH MY HANDS TREMBLE, HEAR MY VOICE THICKEN DARE WE FLY ONCE AGAIN, TOGETHER? 1.GOT ALONG WITHOUT HIM! FELT SURE AND STRONG WITHOUT HIM, WITHOUT HIM, I HAD TO FIND A WAY TO LIVE MY LIFE ALONE! | CALLED MY LIFE MY OWN. BUT HOW COULD 1 HAVE KNOWN THAT LOVE FROM WAY BACK WHEN WOULD FLOOD MY HEART AGAIN! THAT HE'D WALK IN AND I'D FEEL STRINGS BEGIN TO PULL ME BACK TO WHERE I'D BEEN 1 MUSTN'T GO! AND YET, | KNOW TM GOING! DEEP, SWEET OLD FEELINGS WILD, LONG LOST LONGINGS! HE AND | HERE WE ARE, TOGETHER! EVERY SIGN WARNS ME EVERY BREATH CRIES BEWARE, BUT I DON'T CARE! ‘SINCE WE PARTED EMPTY DAYS MADE UP WHAT I'D CALL MY LIFE NOW HE'LL FILL THOSE EMPTY DAYS. FROM NOW ON AND ALL MY LIFE! TOGETHER HE AND 1! TOGETHER HE AND It act a1 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY (hen, snapping ou of i.) HEY, LILY, STOP BE SMART SAY NO! YOU CAN'T GO BACK TO LONG AGO! YOU CAN'T GO BACK! Osean, Owen and Ouse YOU MUST COME BACK. ine YOU CAN'T GO BACK (scat, Owen and OLivER YOU MUST COME BACK Live YOU CAN'T GO BACK (Oscar, Owen and OuiveR YOU Must Come BACK’ YOU CANT GO BACK Oscan, Own and OLIVER YOU MUST COME BACK Livy YOU MUST SAY No! Oscan, Owen and OLIvER YOU CAN'T SAY NO Livy Oscar, Owen and Oven YOU Must say NO! YOU CANT SAY NO! YOU MUST SA¥ NO! YOU CAN'T SAY NO! (ALL together.) Owen and Oscar Ouiver LISTEN, LILY SIGN, LILY WHO SIGN, LILY REMEMBERS WHO DIRECTED BERNARD, LILY? SIGN ON THE WHO DOTTED LINE REMEMBERS WHO DIRECTED0 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act 2 SIGN IT WHAT A DUSE, LILY AT A caL SIGN, LILY SIGN IT MOMENT SIGN, LILY SIGN IT Bavce. Ly. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? SHOULD I SAY WHAT THE HELL YES? ARE YOU DOING? SHOULD 1 SAY DON'T SIGN IT No? ON'T SIGN IT caN 1.60, DON'T SIGN IT BACK TO LONG A— DON'T SIGN IT cor Osea SiGe tt, LILY Gur, Ouivew and Lr SIGN TE, LILY, SIGN TT, LLY auc DON'T SIGN, LILY ity SHOULD 1 SIGN Osean sign 1. LiL Quen, Ouven and Lerma 1G TE, LILY, SIGN TH, LILY Bruce DON'T SIGN, LILY Ly L CAN'T SIGN 17 Cecat, Over and O18 sign Th, Uy Truce DONT SIGN, LLY tiy SHOULD 1 SIGN IT? (Seenn, Owen, Outver and Lerma SiON TE LILY, SIGN'TT oct DON'T SIGN act Lity. SHOULD 1 Livy. Oscar, OWEN, OLIVER and LETITIA. Bruce, SHOULD 1 SIGN IT SIGN IT SIGN SIGN SIGN SHOULD | LILY DON'T SIGN SIGN SIGN (End of number. During the number, OLIVER and OWEN are wres- ing with Bruce, who is vainly trying £0 rip the contract out of hher hands. They have him in hammer-locks of various kinds and at one point hurl him into the bathroom, but he manages 10 break out of it for the tableau finish of the number on one knee.) Luy, (Handing back the contract.) | can't. 1 simply can’t Otiver and Owen. NO! Lily! BRUCE. (Instantly recovered.) Had me worried for a moment, baby. Lerrria. Oh, dear Liy. (Going toward "8" sadly.) Good luck, Oscar. Osean, (Moving toward her.) Lily! Bruce. (Coming berwcen them.) Listen, Genius. . . from 20% on you only see her in the movies! (He escorts Livy into "B."”) Oscar. (Biterly.) Movies! The blighter of my life! (Getting an ‘dea and lighting up.) Movies! My salvation! (He immediately follows them into 'B," followed by Over, OWEN ‘and Letitia. OSCAR, opening door, crushes BRuct behind it.) Lity. Oscar. . . you get ‘again crush Bruce behind door.) ‘Oscar. Lily... @ movie! You said it yourself! Mary Mag. dalen! A film epic! Sign fora year on the stage . . . and I give you the movie rights. - - free 10 sell to your studio! Lity. Six months! ‘Osean. A year! ‘Ouiver. Boss, you're crazy! You cant Bruce. Lily—if's a tap! Letitia. Movies, oh goody! But who needs the studio? I can put up all the money! 1 (OTHERS, following OSCAR2 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Livy. (Excited.) You can!'? Leritia, Why not? What could it cost—two million? Three mi- lion, Anything’s worth it to spread the message in every comer of the globe! Conpuctor. (Opening door, sticking his head in.) Cleveland— (0 minutes—Cleveland. Oh, Mrs. Primrose, we've just had a wire from your nephew in Cleveland. He said some folks you know will be getting on the train there, He said you'd understand, Lerma, (Very flutery.) Oh, my company directors! Well, I really ‘must go... congratulations to all of us. Lity. (Very excited.) Mrs. Primrose—are you serious about the Leriria, Don’t worry, my dear, as they say in Hollywood—its in the can! (She exits hurriedly.) Lity. (Instantly realistic.) Oscar, | want it in writing! ‘OscAR. O.K.., boys—back to the Remington! (OLIVER and OWEN 0, crushing BRUCE behind door again.) Lily. you've made an old sinner very happy— (Starts to exit, BRUCE again caught behind door. Oscar sticks head back in crushing BRUCE yet again.) you'll ever regret this! Bruce. (Trying 10 regain his balance.) This is insane. Lity, (Transported.) | know—1 know—I do it for a year—then the picture. My own production! With Mrs. Primrose and Restoria, 1 don’t need anybody. I don’t need Louis B., Louis C., Louis D, B, orF! Bruce. Walking out on the studio! You'll never work in Hol: lywood again. Lity, PIL work wherever I want to! Bruce. (Outraged.) You play this dirty tick on me! They'll drop me, too—! I’m through with you, (Starts to go, as OWEN comes into ‘B with contract.) Owen. (To Bruce, exiting.) Protect the back ofthat head. It's all you've got. (To Lity.) Here it is—complete with the movie clause and one million dollars extra for promptness in signing! Lity. (Keyed up.) Owen, | don’t know. Look, your beady eyes are unnerving me. Go away for a few minutes and I'll sign it. (OWEN exits back into "A. He and Oscak shake hands happily, as act a ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY ACT TWO Scene 3 OBSERVATION CAR. OuiveR siting on one side, relaxedly sipp le, relaedly sipping @ drink, reading, and humming to himself. On other side of Stage, enter excitedly FLANAGAN and a PoRTER and Otiien Conoueror and Two Orricens om se ton, Pak clothes. fr “om ipl Passo ht rn e's tne Laer oom Par Orc i ees eo er ck rene neces amos Conner) Bs Me gin n Otiver. No. No. ms * ‘OtiveR, (Alarmed.) Why, what's the matter? “ wen Hes 4 Aor MES SO ir cara A Wis NOSE 1s « NUT? a Og inal sit S5 i Ss ate leo MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT.” ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act Ouiver. (Appatled and sputtering.) MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT? BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT IP's A LIE IT's A LIE SHE'S AS SANE AS YOU OR I FLANAGAN and OFFICERS, SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT SHE'S A REAL RELIGIOUS NUT IT'S A VERY SAD CASE, IT’S A VERY SAD CASE IT’S A VERY SAD CASE, IT’S A VERY SAD CASE SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS. SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS. Ouiver. (It is sinking in.) REPENT FOR THE TIME IS. . _ ? FLANAGAN and OFFICERS. REPENT FOR THE TIME IS REPENT FOR THE TIME IS AT HAND (They go off in search of her, as other PasseNGeRs enter with the news.) PASSENGERS. SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT. SHE'S A REAL, RELIGIOUS NUT SHE'S A NUT. SHE'S A NUT. MRS, PRIMROSE IS A NUT SHE'S A NUT. SHE'S A NUT. SHE'S A REAL RELIGIOUS NUT! (LeniTia appears from behind bar and slaps sticker on, then ducks ‘out. OWEN enters. OLIVER meets him, looking ashen. Music continues.) OuiveR. Owen! Owen! Owen. (Pointing inside.) Everything’s under control. (He sees ‘how Ouiver looks.) What's up? Ouiver. SHE'S A NUT, SHE’S A NUT MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT actu ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Owen, MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT? BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT IT'S A LIE, IT’S A LIE SHE'S AS SANE AS YOU OR I Ouiver. ‘SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT SHE'S A REAL RELIGIOUS NUT SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS WEN REPENT FOR THE TIME IS Ouiver. REPENT FOR THE TIME Is jor, REPENT FOR THE TIME IS AT HAND NO NO... OH OH OH OH OH FIVE ZERO'S ALONE WITHOUT THE TWO ALONE WITHOUT THE DOLLAR SIGN 1S... ZERO . . . ZERO—NO NO NO NO IT’S A VERY SAD CASE WE'RE A VERY SAD CASE WE'RE A VERY SAD CASE SHE'S A NUT! (Blache. Whises, Two tiny trains pass each eter inthe nigh asi in the distance. Sudden "closeup of age whee aaa Abe thm te cb and Moromaan tapas te ab, slaps a sicker on the side Lights bax boone flickers on PORTERS crossing.) more Porters, SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS REPENT FOR THE TIME IS— REPENT FOR THE TIME [s— REPENT FOR THE TIME IS AT HAND (They exit. Lights up in DRAWING ROOM ““A.”* Oscar reading ‘Bible, on his knees. with a face towel on his head. Music cum. tinues under. Orricers burst in.)16 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act Isr Orricer, (Man.) She's reading the Bible! 2vp Orricer. (Woman.) That must be the nut! (They grab Oscar) ‘Oscar. Help! Assassins! Unhand me! (He is wrestling with them.) Owen! Oliver! Isr Ofricer, Sorry, sit! A terible mistake! (Oscar is flustered by the attack.) 2vp OFFICER, We're looking for a woman! A Mrs. Letitia Primrose Oscar. Mrs. Primrose? Orricens SHE'S A NUT. SHE'S A NUT. MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT Oscar. (In panic.) MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT? BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT IT’S A LIE, IT's A LIE SHE'S AS SANE AS YOU OR 1 Ormicens and Convvctor, SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT SHE'S A REAi. RELIGIOUS NUT ‘QweN and OLiveR. (Appearing in doorway.) SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS Conpucror SHE ESCAPED FROM A MENTAL INSTITUTION, AND HER NEPHEW SENT THESE OFFICERS TO COME AND TAKE HER OFF THE TRAIN Oscar, OH NO NO . . . NOT MRS. PRIMROSE! ALL OH YES YES YES... MRS, PRIMROSE Otiver and Owen WE ARE BACK IN A STATE OF DESTITUTION CAUSE HER CHECK IS MADE OF RUBBER AND OUR HOPES ARE SLIPPING DOWN THE DRAIN Oscar. NO NO NO. . . NOT MRS, PRIMROSE! Au. OH YES YES... YES MRS, PRIMROSE IS A NUT. SHE'S A NUT act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Oscar, BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT Au IT’S A VERY SAD CASI IV'S A VERY SAD CASE Conouctor. (Exining.) LET US KNOW THE SECOND THAT YOU SEE HER! (Blackout. Huge locomotive steams toward audience, searchlight beaming. Leriria is spread-eagled on the front of it. grinning. The locomotive turns around—reveating the back end of the train. Letitia on the Observation platform, waves, and pastes @ ‘sticker on back of the train. Exit waving as the train disappears.) Porters. (Crossing. SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS SHE'S THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS REPENT FOR THE TIME REPENT FOR THE TIME REPENT FOR THE TIME IS AT HAND (They exit. Lights up on DRAWING ROOM “B." Livy is holding the contract. BRUCE enters. He grabs the contract and is relieved she has not signed it.) Bruce SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT Lity. (Horrified.) MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT? BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT IP's A LIE, IT'S A LIE SHE'S AS SANE AS YOU OR I SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT SHE'S A REAL RELIGIOUS NUT Livy. (na rage.) No! WHAT WILL BECOME OF MY MOVIE WHAT WILL BECOME OF MY MOVIE8 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY scr a WAIT TILL 1 GET MY HANDS ON OSCAR WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON HIM (We see Aut Groves, both DRAWING ROOMS at ance and every cone else on the train, atthe sides.) ALL SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT SHE'S A NUT. SHE'S A NUT SHE'S A REAL RELIGIOUS NUT (Repeat above 4 lines.) "THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS ‘THE ONE WHO PUT UP THE STICKERS REPENT FOR THE TIME, REPENT FOR THE TIME REPENT FOR THE TIME IS AT HAND! SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NUT SHE'S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT MRS, PRIMROSE {S$ A NUT SHE'S A NUT, SHE’S A NUT, SHE'S A NUT, MRS. PRIMROSE IS A NU--U—T! SHE'S A NUT! (Lity has entered ‘“A.” followed by Bruce. Leritta has entered ticks a sticker on wall, then disappears as the number finishes.) Liv. (To Oscar, hurling contract in his face.) You swine! You tried 10 trick me! You knew all the time Oscar. Lily... . I've been bamboozle! { swear it! Oh my be loved ¥'m dizzy! Lity. You've always been dizzy! To think 1 almost fell for it again! ‘Oscar, (Collapsing.) Oliver! Owen! Give me a drink!!! Some of that rot gut! LILY. Oh, I can’t stand if T'm going 10 break down! Open the window! I'm going to faint’ act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY n (She falls against Beuce, falling backwards on Oscar. The door bursts open and in comes fur-collared MAX JACOBS.) Max. (Singing... . lustily a brave wali.) LILY! PVE COME! | FLEW OUT BY PLANE? LJUST MADE THE TRAIN! IT'S MAX JACOBS! “ Osean, te has st sen the Devil) Max cobs! ataaah! ity. (Completely recovered, rushes 10 him and hugs him Maxie! My angel! him and gs Nm) Max. (Singing.) LOOK WHAT I'VE GOT FOR YOU TO SEE ACT ONE. ACT TWO, ACT THREE! TOOK NO CHANCES’... USED MY BRAIN HOPPED ON THE PLANE... AND MADE THE TRAIN! Mac and Ly AND LOOK WHAT I'VE (YOU'VE) GOT LOOK :) GOT FOR ME (YOU) ACT ONE, ACT TWO, ACT THREE. (te shoves play sri ther, as Osean, hopelessly, tiesto li the Bible in fant of her.) ” Deamesiolina Lity. Maxie... Am I glad to see you! (Max and Lity jubilantly exit 10 DRAWING ROOM “B."" Oscan, wen anf Oxiver lok tol fected as they samp in ei Act Two ScENE 4 DRAWING ROOM “B."" Middle of the night. There is sound of train ‘motion... and moving effect, whistles. Livy is reading the pplay. BRUCE and Max are watching her reactions, Music under this. There is an ashtray on the robe flied with many cigerette us. Lity. (Reading to herself.) Ab8a ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Act ter eer rer nace, we ean Scns this ater, Sit! (He obediently si.) act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY at Max. Now Lily... Idon’t go to my Somerset Maugham and tell bim how to write a play! Tean ... “Hey, Somerset, change this... change that like he's some schlock Hollywood scribble. Lity. You're right, Max, The Magdalen motif is implicit in the character. Max. 1 go first class only... You're wot dealing, here with any creaky melodrama, or outdated spectacle, the Kind pro duced by Mr, Oscar Jaffee Lity. (Bursting out.) Max, don’t say that! Oscar may be a filthy swine. , _ but he’s get something no one else has got! Bruce. (Springing up.) Wat do you mean by that! Lity. Oh, leave me alone everybody! { want to re-read this! Sear getting into the part’ (She flings herself imo a chair. The MeN sit. Liny sits down and ‘opens the scrips. She reads. Music, Suddenly. in her mind she hears Oscar's voice saying, “The Magdalen, Lily! What a part. you'll be magnificent!” With an impatient gesture she brushes this aside... and resumes reading as the se1 ‘goes off.) Livy, (Sung.) AN EVENING LATE IN JUNE, A FORMAL DINNER AT BABETTE'S. THE TALK IS SHARP AND SWIFT AND YET, THE ATMOSPHERE IS FRAUGHT WITH :NSION EVERYONE IS THERE~ CORRUPT (She laughs @ trlling corrupt laugh.) AND DEBONAIR A MAYFAIR SET CONVENTION (As the music continues, the set opens... and we are in on ele ‘gant Mayfair drawing room where a great party isin progress yg SEES ome: filtering in, stunningly dressed chatting.) Lavy. (Reading: spoken.) Babette speaks: (Sung. 1 GAVE THIS SMALL SOIREE2 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act TO TELL YOU ALL THE SHRIEKING NEWS JM LEAVING RODNEY’S BED THE JOKE IS THAT YM ALSO LEAVING NIGEL WHAT A SHABBY LOT! BEDECKED WITH JEWELS BETWEEN TWO FOOLS ‘ALL HOPE IS GONE ‘THE DANCE GOES ON AND MAKE THE MUSIC HOT! (Four BLackaMoors enter. During this, she takes er place be. ‘nveen neo of the gentlemen, ROONEY and NiGet, her husband aed lover. For the whole ruber, LiL reads all the lines, but ar lines that are not hers ske mumbles through quickly, skip- jing down 10 BABETTE'S cues, then reads Banerté fully and ‘vith expression. While she reads the OTHERS’ lines, the OTHER ‘Actors pantomime what she is saying.) Liy. Rodney speaks; Babete, if you think that you can throw away and so and so and so and so and so... Nigel: This charade wri have to and 0 and 50 and so and so... Rodney: Why you filthy and so and s0 and so. . . (As she reads, we see the Two uart fo fight, the GUESTS Iry 10 intervene.) The Guests: And so and So and 50 and so and so and so... Babette! (Sings.) MY CIGARETTE IS OUT OH, RODNEY, PLEASE GET ME A LIGHT T NEED ANOTHER DRINK! SHE SNEERS AND HURLS HER GLASS OF GIN AT NiGi WHAT & SHABBY LOT! I'LL GET AWAY TO ST. TROPEZ IN GIN AND BITTERS DROWN MY JITTERS- (Suddenly a shaft of celestial light hits her, and we hear the sante teligious-sounding chords we heard before whenever the Max Salen theme was mentioned. LILY is transficed in a heavenly glow: ‘ina rorally dierent voice. . . minus vibrato, almost like a con- tratenor, she sings, a8 i playing the Magdalen.) TAKE YOUR WINE AWAY REBORN AM | TODAY! REDEMPTION act il ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY OUR SINS WILL BE FORGIVEN AND WE SHALL BE (Daring this, in the ser-darness, Twat FOURES enter in Biblical costumes, and long hair. They are Owen, OUWER, and Lin ‘Lity else biel ocd, impatontyAte lights cone up, shes stunned when she sees the Biba fhe of Ouives amidat ihe Maveaie GROUP) 1 NEED" ANOTHER DRINK [THINK I'D LIKE A’ SIP OF CHAMPA one OR BETTER STILL, A SNORT OF COCAINE OR BETTER STILL OF coc, - (Sees Owen in Biblical onze) OM BROTHERS. SINNERS NEEL WITH ME LET'S PRAY FOR (fives) DEAR CYRIL’S GONE TO POT HIS LIVER'S SIMPLY stor 1S BRAIN HAS TURNED TO COTO! Teeny ALL Ri EN ™ (Sees Leritin te Biblical garb, and bels LET US SEER SALVATION " (Lights wp) 1M SICKOF RODNEY, NIGEL NIGEL, RODNEY, RODNEY, NIGEL My CioaRerre is ou IE GIN'IS NEVER STRONG ENOUGH 1 LIVE FOR ENDLESS Lt ” 1 UVE Fo 88 LOVING DANCING, CRUISING ching back and forh, more quickly now, between he Group and the Brauicat Tri.) a ‘he Mavea We SHALL BE SAVED BOOZING, DANCING, CRUISING WE SHALL BE... SAVED . ROONEY | DANCING, CRUISING WE SHALL BE84 ‘ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act MY CIGARETTE 15 SAVED! MY CIGARETTE IS AVED! MY CIGARETTE 1S SAVED! WHERE ARE YOU RODNEY, NIGEL, NIGEL, RODNEY RODNEY, NIGEL OSCAR, OSCAR, OSCAR, OSCAR OSCAR’ (She breaks off as the figure of OscaR in Biblical attire enters and joins the OrieR THREE. She picks up the seript and threaten ingly raises if towards the Bysuicar. Gxowr. tke wolf-bair towards a vampire in horror they draw back and disappear. Then, triumphantly, as MAX enters.) Lity. (Eestatic and very jazzy, in 0'20's British manner.) MAX! | LOVE THIS PLAY! DEN DEH DEW DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH MAX! I'LL DO THIS PLAY! DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH MAX 1 REALLY REALLY LOVE THIS PLAY T CAN SAFELY SAY 1 WILL SLAY BROADWAY MAKE WAY FOR BAD BABETTE THE DARLING OF THE MAYFAIR SET. DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DER DER DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEPRAVED, DEBAUCHED AND DECLASSE! MAX | REALLY REALLY LOVE THIS PLAY CHIC AND TRES RISQUE WEARY AND SOIGNEE, IT'S BABS, THE BRITISH WITCH THE IDOL OF THE (DLE RICH. DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DFH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEH DEGENERATE, DECADENT, HEY HEY HEY? Act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY OH, MAX, WE'RE SET! YOU'VE LIT MY CIGARETTE! MAX, TLL, DO BABETTE BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BABETTE! (The Maveaik Crown and Max dance madly arawid her. ft is a whirling. finish. She exits triumphanaly with Max and her script.) ACT TWO, SCENES OBSERVATION CAR, Ower and OuiveR are both of she bar, quite drunk. They pour each other a drink from a borile. We hear the rain whistle, @ maurnfil sound in the wight (scan, (Entering) ts ype of ny ares that in the rea ris of my Hel sad Hanked by wo incompetent acta wen. We were dithing othe wight of the Musketeers, os. Any plans? (sean, (With a file Jaugh) Yes...» master plan, (He sete tt es ot Rar ae ‘Ouiver. Hey, what's att (Osea ks wp the sn Oscar: (Snip) Ist came nto sy goodbye. Ouiven Owen, he's gota gl Oscar, (Lavtiig at Owen cntempuou) He's askep. Ouivee (Shating Owen wvate}) Owen, wake i! Oscar, Boys! Boss! YOU MAY FEEL BAD FOR AWHILE BUT IT’S BETTER FAR THIS WAY, POR [AM MUCH TOO GOOD 8 SHOWMAN TO. DWINDLE LIKE A SNOWMAN MELTING DOWN ONE SUNNY DAY MY OFFICE ONCE OVERFLOWED WITH CELEBRITIES GALORE I RULED BROADWAY LIKE A KING BUT NOW WHAT LIES IN STORE?86 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Oh, boys! Can you see it? Oh, God! Recitative.) 1 CAN SEE A LONELY, SHUFFLING FIGURE HAUNTING SHUBERT ALLEY (He acts out the following scene. Spoken.) It’s “crazy Oscar!™, Hear them cry Get Officer O'Malley!” “Tmeant no harm . . . please help me up Where are my pencils? Where my cup? Thank you, lad Pll move along, (Sung.) PENCILS, PENCILS ... WHO'LL BUY MY PENCILS’ CRAZY OSCAR'S SONG YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE ME THAT WAY BOYS, | KNOW WHEN I'VE HAD MY DAY MY STORY ENDS THE DRAMA'S THROUGH I LEAVE MY WORLDLY POSSESSIONS TO YOU (Chorus.) TO YOU I LEAVE MY CAPE AND MY FEDORA, TO YOU I LEAVE MY MUSTACHE WAX TO YOU 1 LEAVE AN OSTRICH FAN FROM “FLORADORA,” TO YOU 1 LEAVE MY UNPAID INCOME TAX TO YOU I LEAVE MY BUST OF HENRY IRVING, TO YOU I LEAVE MY HEADACHE PILLS, TO YOU MY SET OF THEODORE DREISER, MY PORTRAIT OF THE KAISER AND A TEN-FOOT STACK OF UNPAID BILLS. (Whistle blows.) AND WHEN YOU HEAR A LONELY WHISTLE BLOWING SOME FUTURE TIME, WHILE RIDING THROUGH THE NIGHT, COULD BE THAT WHISTLE IS YOUR DEAD DEPARTED OSCAR, CALLING “BOYS, LET’S MEET AT LUCHOW’S FOR A BITE! TO YOU I LEAVE MY JAPANESE KIMONO act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY TO YOU I LEAVE MY CANE AND SPATS TO YOU 1 LEAVE MY WORN-OUT RECORI (OU I LEAY "ORD OF TO YOU I LEAVE MY GRAVY-STAINED CRAVATS JO YOU | LEAVE MY LETTERS 10 THE cK e crc TO YOU I LEAVE A LARGE FALSE NOSE *: FO YOU . MY BOWL OF RED WAX CHERRIES, ‘AND some OF ELLEN TERRY'S . IE TICKET STUBS FROM “ABIE: > sO (OM “ABIE'S IRISH (Owe and Ouiven start crying. Spoken) Boys, boys, dey your ejes don ean ose you weeping. gant smiles" And pride nthe inemores ot you ead thet Some day inthe fie, when you ar fel ow Tae 10801 your coe, ad wen you ope tha clo dor nes) TAKE: OUT MY CAPE AND TAKE OUT My Feo AND PUT THEM ON AND THINK OF ME RA AND CALL TO MIND MY CHARISMATIC AURA AND THE LEGACY I CET TO sites (Ouver hands Osean hs gun Gondye, toys (Oscar exits. The Two pour another drink. Letra, unseen by them, appears from behind the bar. oes item, ‘She tiptoes out after Oscar. Hey, do you think he's really Owen, Never. He'l outlive us all. They always do. (There is the sound of a shot from Drawing Room “A Jump.) Ouiver, What was that! (OWEN. He's faking, (Oscan runs in, followed by LertTa, holding the gun.) ArOSCAR: Staggering.) 'm shot! Lm shot! She's gor the gun 1e nut! Letina. Oh dear | tried to rake it away from him88 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act and it went off! (She hands the gun to OweN, OLIVER rushes 10 Osan, and lays him down on top of the bar.) OLIVER. (Solicitously.) Where did she get you? oscar. 1 don't know. I'm bleeding, (He is stretched out on the bar. holding his chest.) Letitia, It was an accident. OLtver, ['It get a doctor. Don't move, (OLiver rushes out.) Leritta, It was an accident! Oscar. The final irony! Killed by a lunatic! OWEN. Oscar, anything I can do” A priest? A dish of ice cream? Ouaver. (Rushes in with DR, JOHNSON.) How is be, Owen? Is he breathing? Dr. JOHNSON. (Looks at him.) Oh. It's Mr. Jaffee. (She starts 10 leave.) Owen. Wait! This isn't a running nose! The man’s been shot! Dk. JOHNSON, (Coming back.) All right. Stand back. (Starts examination.) Oscax, (Voice breaking.) Boys, don’t leave me now (FLANAGAN enters, pushing back anxious PASSENGERS.) FLaNAoaN, (Horrified.) Oh! Tragedy on the Twentieth Century! I only blame myself, Rogers. . . take Mrs, Primrose to her room! Leritia. Goodbye, Mr. Jaffee, Give my regards to Broadway (She pushes FLANAGAN and runs off. PeoPtt crowding in doorway. ConDUctor is pushing them back.) FLANAGAN. Keep back... keep back . . . keep this hall clear! (There is general hubbub, Dk. JOHNSON finishing examination. ‘OWEN and OLIVER watching ansiously.) Dk, JOHNSON, Let him rest here awhile OweN. Any medication to relieve the agony? Dr. JOHNSON. Give him an aspirin, Otiver, That's all? Dr JOHNSON. All right, 160 aspicins Ouiver. Wille... ? Dk, JOHNSON. Oh, he's perfectly fine Oscar, What are you talking about? Da. JoHNsow. Bit of a right. (To Oscar.) You'll be as good as new in the morning. (Oscak is getting un idea.) act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 89 Oscar. (Grabbing her.) Doctor, owe my life to you, Fate has brought us together again. That play of yours—"Life in Da. JOHNSON. “Life in a Metropolitan Hospital”! Osean. I feel I must produce it. Bring it to me later. (She rakes it ‘out of her doctor's bag.) Dr. Jonson. (Breashlessly.) Here itis! Oscar. It will be a transfusion for the theatre! Dr. JoHNsow, Thank you. (They shake hands.) Oscar, (He chuckles.) Doctor . . . now that we're inthe theatre together, would you help me play-act a litle? A harmless charade? Dr. JOHNSON. What do I have to do? Oscar, Just sit over there, watch me and say nothing, Just shake your head from side to side once in awhile whenever anyone looks over at you Dr. JoHNsow. Sounds easy Oscar. Delightfully easy. Now go, Go! (He pushes her and she sits at desk.) Oliver, where's Lily's contract? Ourver. What? Oscar, That contract! She’s going to sign it It's an overwhelming idea! ‘Owen. 0.5 you're delirious! Oscar. No! She loves me—t could tell—undemeath her scream- ing. 1 know I can reach that love somehow—get her back again! Boys, it’s the last thing I'l ever ask you-go. Owen, tell her I'm dying! Dr. JOHNSON. (Getting up.) But Mr Jaffee! Oscar. (Playfully.) Our litle charade! (She returns 10 her place.) Now, go! And, Owen, Don't over-act! (As he lies back on bar, hands crossed on his chest, looking as if he's dying. Otiver re-enters, with Porter, who places pillows under his head.) Conpucror’s Voice. (Ofstage.) Keep back . . . nobody can come in! OWEN’s Vomce. It's allright. Mr. Jaffee wants to see het! Its his last request. Make way for Miss Garland! (They appear in the door way. She rans to him.) Lice, Weeping. | Oscar. (Music begins which brings 10 mind Tristan and tsolde's liebestod'” or the ast scene of ‘La Boheme.” or both.)90 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY act Oscar. (Feebly—miles away.) Who is that? Owen. It's Lily. Oscar. (Lifting himself up, with Livy directly beside him.) Bring her to me Lity. I'm here, Oh, my poor Oscar. My darling— speak to me Ouiver. He can’t talk much, The doctor says i's right through the heart (Lity looks over at DR. JOHNSON, who, as ifon cue. shakes her head ‘mechanically from side to side. LiLy bursts into tears.) Osean. (From a great distance.) Who is that crying? Livy. It’s Lily (SLOVE-DEATH™ music... up strong. The following number is all-out full-blown operatic.) scan (Singing) uty City Singing oscar Witt DID YoU Do Tt ring WAS NOTHING LEFT. THEY ALL WENT AWAY. THOSE 1 LOMED AND NEEDED. 11's GETTING DARK. STAY A Lire WHILE LONGER LILY LILY Livy can OSCAR . _ . OSCAI ‘Oscar. (Spoken ) No tears, please. L only wish I could have seen ‘you just once more, Held you just once more (Singing) LILY LILY, (Singing.) OSCAR Oscar uILY" Livy “OSCAR” act i ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY Oscar WHERE'S THAT CONTRACT? THE LAST ONE I DREW UP FOR LILY GARLAND? Ouiver HERE IT Is. ‘Oscar I WANT YOU To BURY THIS WITH ME, WHEN 1M DEAD. PUT IT ON MY ° BODY, NEXT TO MY HEART, WHEN IT HAS STOPPED BEATING. (Music builds 10 height of climax of transfiguration.) IS SHE STILL HERE? Lity I'M HERE BESIDE YOU, Oscar LILY Lay OSCAR ‘Oscar LILY Liny. OSCAR Oscar LILY Lity. OSCAR ‘Oscar WHERE'S THE CONTRACT? Ouver HERE IT Is, ‘Oscar ASK HER IF SHE WOULD CARE TO WRITE HER NAME ON IT Ouver HIS LAST REQUEST (She takes it. They give her the pen and, as she signs Oscar LILY92 ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY actu uy OSCAR Oscar LILY LILY tiny OSCAR... OSCAR Osean THIS WILL BE MY MONUMENT! (He clurches contract to his bosom ) uty OSCAR! Oscar LILY: (The music finishes in a climax of passion!) Bora. LILY OSCAR (He fails back, apparently dead. As he lies there, Max SncoBs’ voice is heard off-stage.) Max, Let me in there! I'm Max Jacobs! (Rushes in, OscaR immediately jumps up from the couch. Brandish rg the contract and leaping triumphantly about.) Osear. You're too late, Max Jacobs! Max. What? Lit, (With enormous contempt.) You worm! Oscar. Forgive me, Lily. [had to do it to save you! You lost your perspective. You haven't the sense to know what's good for you! Line. (Pulling herself up proudly ) 1 have the sense to know a bad actor when I see one! Look at the signature! (OLIVER rakes the contreet.) Otiver. (Reading.) “*Pewer Rabbit.” (They Acc gasp.) Oscar, (Raging and chasing her around the OTHERS.) You doubsi-crossing floazie! Lily. Me? You cheap. treacherous con man! Do you think 1 belie-ved the pitiful Little Eva bit for a second! act ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY 93 Oscar. You heartless hooker! Lity. (Lying back against bar, imitating his dyin, . getting dark." - Imitating his dying scene.) ‘OscaR. You allowed me to humiliate myself Lay. “Lily! Oscar. Hollywood hooker! Livy. Ham! Oscar. Sell out! Lity. Fake! Oscar. Phony! Livy, Fraud! Oscak. Movie star! Lity. Has been! Oscar. Piano player! (They start to lau . Rabbit!” yer! (They laugh.) Peter Rabbit! Peter (He opens his arms, she leaps into them, as the, n into them, as they whirl and embrace. Osean hurls contract away, and they kiss with passionate sincerity Cronus. LILY... OSCAR LILY | | OSCAR u OSCAR, CURTAINPROPERTY LIST ACT ONE ScENE I—St. Joan STAGE LEFT Flask Cigarette Case Cigarette Lighter Coin Purse Money Clip Clipboard Torch Pocketwatch Eyelasses in Case Pill Case Mace Dressing For Desk PRESET Water Pitcher (""A"" Bathroom) Shaving Kit ("A"" Bathroom) ‘Throne Chair (5.1. Pye Ga) Load Banners Set Couch Backstage Set Mantle Backstage Stickem (Obs, Car) Stickem (Bruce's Picture) Shades Open (Obs. Car) Windows Open (“A”" and “B") ‘Scene 220th Cent STAGE LEFT 6 Train Tickets Clipboard Pocketwatch Cigar Liquor Case Typewriter Case os PROPERTY LIST LUGGAGE: (3) Owen, OLIVER, Oscar LUGGAGE: (3)¢ Lockwoon and Anira LUGGAGE: (2) Dr. Jonson LUGGAGE: (2) Lerma STAGE RIGHT ‘Small Lockwooo Bag LUGGAGE:+ 2 Matching Sets 1 Large Case 1 Make-up Case | Brief Case PRESET Shaving Kit (Oscar's Bag) Big Lockwoon Bag ("A") Avira’s Bag ("A") Pad and Pen ("°A"* Bench L.) Lighter (°A” Bench t.) Comb, Compact (ANITA Purse) Stickers, Bible (Lertria’s Reticule) Scene 3 Saturday Eve, Post STAGE RIGHT 1 Luggage Ticket Book Transition #1—Lity G STAGE LEFT Tray with Tea Set Tray with Wine and 3 Glasses STAGE RIGHT Tray with Beer and Sandwich ‘Tray with Shaker and 2 Glasses * Small c. Bag Picked Up u.c., taken , Other 2 L. Bags Picked and set in ““A"” Snaps Up F Serb.PROPERTY LIST Al Transition Prags Used After Scene 4) Scene 4— Audition STAGE LEFT Black Script Sheet Music 2 Rings 3 Maskets 2 Pinols | Sword Flag Crown Bouguet of Roses Black Bentwood Chair STAGE RIGHT Piano and Stool Scene $—Dr. Rm. “A ALL SHADES UP ON BOTH EXTERIORS Sceve 6—Together STAGE LEFT Paper and Pen Champagne in Bucket Tray with 3 Glasses Bar Towel Bouquet of Roses Box of Flowers Box of Candy Fruit Basket Basket of Flowers 2 Cameras Note Pad and Pen VUITTON LUGGAGE: I Taunk 4 Suitcases | Make-up Case Heart Bouquet STAGE RIGHT Movie Magazine Autograph Book Feather Duster Vase of Flowers Carpet Sweeper PROPERTY LIST PRESET Photo, (BRUCE’s Coat) SceNE 7—Dr. Rm, “B" STAGE LEFT 3 “Lity” Pillows ‘Academy Award ‘Transition #2—O.1.—LG. STAGE LEFT White Suit on Hangers Hat Shoes Wisk Brush Hat Brush 2 Shoe Brushes Scene 9-—Repent STAGE LEFT 15 Stickers with sticker, Massage Towel PRESET ‘Tray with glasses (Bar) Breakaway Glass (““B") Scent 10—Triple Scene STAGE LEFT Saturday Eve. Post, Pills, Knitting (Lettt14) Scene 1—""A" and “B™ STAGE LEFT ‘Tray with Caviar and Crackers and Plate Matches (Bruce) STAGE RIGHT ‘Typewriter with contract PRESET Window down B' ‘Vuitton Piece Off L. of “B: SCENE 12—"A" STAGE LEFT Tray with 2 Glasses, Wine Boe Dinner Table Set Fowi Server 8 Glasses STAGE RIGHT 8 GlassesPROPERTY LIST AcT TWO ScENE |—Five Zeros PRESET Window Open “A” Pen and Checkbook (1. Bench A") Contract ("A") Bible ("A") Shades Ext. STAGE LEFT Movie Magazine PRESET. Check (Livy's Purse) Scene 3—"NUT” STAGE LEFT Doctor's Bag (Institution) Bar Towel Gold Cigarete Case and Lighter 6 Stickers STAGE RIGHT 1 Copy of Variety Cigar Ashtray ‘Transition #3—MAX J PRESET 2 Sets of Sheets, Pillows 2 Sets of Blankets (AIL set under Uc. Obs. Seat) Scene 4—Babette STAGE LEFT Cigarette Tray 4 Champagne Glasses STAGE RIGHT ‘Amphora Staff 2 Hors D'oeuvres Trays 2 Trays with Glasses (5) 3 Champagne Glasses PROPERTY LIST PRESET 3 Coffee Cups ("B") Coffee Pot (""B") Ashtray with Butts Set Desk on “B Set Glasses in Obs. Car Strike “B props during # ‘Scene S—Obs, STAGE LEFT Doctor's Bag Scrubiruck, Broom Tray with glasses STAGE RIGHT Handkerchief, Gun (Jonn) Contract Pen (Owen) 3 Blankets PRESET Stethoscope, yellow script (DR. Jonnson’s bag) Tray on Bar Curtain Calt STAGE LEFT Bouquet 2 Cameras Press Releases Bruce Pix Shades up Ext STAGE RIGHT Luggage (4) Attache Case Shades up Ext. & Windows up PRESET Typewriter (0.1.) 4 Vuitton Pieces (.1.)COSTUME PLOT ACT ONE Scene 181 Joan SCENE I cea allo he psiod f Joan of AE omar Ate fen Bor Broior Past Souens (Te) Te Daur 5a eT ruses, si sleeves ie paid of 192 Seer MN etmass ies, apron slipper pied 1932 ARH ey = i0N2 overall has he Stace Hanns 0) icc tweed sy levees sweater Shi te, 1932 oun Wb pies suit We, spats dehy, 132 Sere 2—Chicago RR. Siton : . Porters (Five): red ‘cap uniforms of 1932 20th Cemary with Pores a spe he tts mh ow ves and goss. TP Shoes cone conductor unifo of 1932 20% Cents Soe renevany sare with secrets sini Mer punexe. sith des of (932, Reele Mase arn tye res, Rat, Medical Bag Done Locrmoon 3 pee st 98 Gira aeet des; ht ves use AIT set sr eye es of 1982 with Bass a aces a peo sel des is, AMER) scene 3_Train car , SEN STS ow it Ps siease coming smoking Keke scaves ttle owe #88) scene a—Pastack Period 137 Gece ss long cape and seat and Fedora Grier adds 1p ct Steen a cou al ese hat, 100 PROPERTY LIST Max Jacons—knickers, jacket, tie, hat MaxWeLL FINCH —top coas, hamburg, cae ImeLoa—very stylish dress of 1927 with full length fur and hat Jewelry, small clutch purse, MupreD/Li1y—simple street dress of period. Made t0 remove on Stage under which is basic leotard with trim for 1927 style of “Veronique” stage spectacle uniforms of Franco Prussian War: Von BISMARK Sou prexs (8) SceNe 5—Englewood Reporrers (Two men, | woman)—Street clothes, working casual 1932) AGNES street dress 1932 Liy—avel dress, jewelry, fur cape, street shoes and travel shoes 1932 Bruce Grantr—fancy suit (plaid, suede vest and shoes), striped shirt, hat, polo coat, 1932 ScENE 10—Dr. Rm, “B" Lity—changed to satin nightgown ACT TWO SceNe I—Dr. Rim, “A” Mas. Prisnose—-changed to stylish travel dress, 1932 Scene 2She’s a Not Hosprtat. ATTENDANTS (1 man, | woman)—dark suits, coats ScENE 4 Babette 1932 Elegant WatreR—mess jacket, formal shirt, bow tie, formal trousers, patent shoes. 6 Men—assorted tails, bow ties, patent shoes 5 Women—assosted evening gowns with marching shoes, jewelry 4 Porrens—harem outs; bagay pants, sleeveless vesi, la turbans, slippers vie Owen, Oriven, Oscar, Mas, Puntose long Biblical robes wit SCENE S—Observation Car, 1932 Oscar—Japanese Kimono over pants and shirt Beuce Granss— pajamas PAssENGERS—assorted robes and pajamas and nightgowns