Good Morning to our most honourable judges, time keepers, teachers and friends.

What is cyberbullying, exactly?

"Cyberbullying" is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated,

embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet,
interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. It has to have a minor on both sides, or at
least have been instigated by a minor against another minor. Once adults become involved, it is
plain and simple cyber-harassment or cyberstalking. Adult cyber-harassment or cyberstalking is
NEVER called cyberbullying.

It isn't when adult are trying to lure children into offline meetings, that is called sexual
exploitation or luring by a sexual predator. But sometimes when a minor starts a cyberbullying
campaign it involves sexual predators who are intrigued by the sexual harassment or even ads
posted by the cyberbullying offering up the victim for sex.

The methods used are limited only by the child's imagination and access to technology. And the
cyberbully one moment may become the victim the next. The kids often change roles, going
from victim to bully and back again.

Children have killed each other and committed suicide after having been involved in a
cyberbullying incident.

Cyberbullying is usually not a one time communication, unless it involves a death threat or a
credible threat of serious bodily harm. Kids usually know it when they see it, while parents may
be more worried about the lewd language used by the kids than the hurtful effect of rude and
embarrassing posts.

Cyberbullying may rise to the level of a misdemeanor cyberharassment charge, or if the child is
young enough may result in the charge of juvenile delinquency. Most of the time the
cyberbullying does not go that far, although parents often try and pursue criminal charges. It
typically can result in a child losing their ISP or IM accounts as a terms of service violation. And
in some cases, if hacking or password and identity theft is involved, can be a serious criminal
matter under state and federal law.

When schools try and get involved by disciplining the student for cyberbullying actions that took
place off-campus and outside of school hours, they are often sued for exceeding their authority
and violating the student's free speech right. They also, often lose. Schools can be very effective
brokers in working with the parents to stop and remedy cyberbullying situations. They can also
educate the students on cyberethics and the law. If schools are creative, they can sometimes
avoid the claim that their actions exceeded their legal authority for off-campus cyberbullying
actions. We recommend that a provision is added to the school's acceptable use policy reserving
the right to discipline the student for actions taken off-campus if they are intended to have an
effect on a student or they adversely affect the safety and well-being of student while in school.
This makes it a contractual, not a constitutional, issue.

How cyberbullying works

There are two kinds of cyberbullying, direct attacks (messages sent to your kids directly) and
cyberbullying by proxy (using others to help cyberbully the victim, either with or without the
accomplice's knowledge). Because cyberbullying by proxy often gets adults involved in the
harassment, it is much more dangerous.
Direct Attacks

1. Instant Messaging/Text Messaging Harassment [Learn More...]

2. Stealing Passwords [Learn More...]
3. Blogs [Learn More...]
4. Web Sites [Learn More...]
5. Sending Pictures through E-mail and Cell Phones [Learn More...]
6. Internet Polling [Learn More...]
7. Interactive Gaming [Learn More...]
8. Sending Malicious Code [Learn More...]
9. Sending Porn and Other Junk E-Mail and IMs [Learn More...]
10. Impersonation [Learn More...]

1. Instant Messaging/Text Messaging Harassment

a) Kids may send hateful or threatening messages to other kids, without realizing that while not
said in real life, unkind or threatening messages are hurtful and very serious.

b) Warning wars - Many Internet Service Providers offer a way of "telling on" a user who is
saying inappropriate things. Kids often engage in "warning wars" which can lead to kicking
someone offline for a period of time. While this should be a security tool, kids sometimes use the
Warn button as a game or prank.

c) A kid/teen may create a screen name that is very similar to another kid's name. The name
may have an additional "i" or one less "e". They may use this name to say inappropriate things
to other users while posing as the other person.

d) Text wars or text attacks are when kids gang up on the victim, sending thousands of text-
messages to the victim's cell phone or other mobile device. The victim is then faced with a huge
cell phone bill and angry parents.

e) Kids send death threats using IM and text-messaging as well as photos/videos. (see below)

2. Stealing passwords
a) A kid may steal another child's password and begin to chat with other people, pretending to
be the other kid. He/she may say mean things that offend and anger this person's friends or
even strangers. Meanwhile, they won't know it is not really that person they are talking to.

b) A kid may also use another kid's password to change his/her profile to include sexual, racist,
and inappropriate things that may attract unwanted attention or offend people.

c) A kid often steals the password and locks the victim out of their own account.

d) Once the password is stolen, hackers may use it to hack into the victim's computer.

3. Blogs
Blogs are online journals. They are a fun way for kids and teens to send messages for all of their
friends to see. However, kids sometimes use these blogs to damage other kids' reputations or
invade their privacy. For example, in one case, a boy posted a bunch of blogs about his breakup
with his ex-girlfriend, explaining how she destroyed his life, calling her degrading names. Their
mutual friends read about this and criticized her. She was embarrassed and hurt, all because
another kid posted mean, private, and false information about her. Sometimes kids set up a blog
or profile page pretending to be their victim and saying things designed to humiliate them.

4. Web sites
a) Children used to tease each other in the playground; now they do it on Web sites. Kids
sometimes create Web sites that may insult or endanger another child. They create pages
specifically designed to insult another kid or group of people.

b) Kids also post other kids' personal information and pictures, which put those people at a
greater risk of being contacted or found.

. Sending Pictures through E-mail and Cell Phones

a) There have been cases of teens sending mass e-mails to other users, that include nude or
degrading pictures of other teens. Once an e-mail like this is sent, it is passed around to
hundreds of other people within hours; there is no way of controlling where it goes.

b) Many of the newer cell phones allow kids to send pictures to each other. The kids receive the
pictures directly on their phones, and may send it to everyone in their address books. After
viewing the picture at a Web site, some kids have actually posted these often pornographic
pictures on Kazaa and other programs for anyone to download.

c) Kids often take a picture of someone in a locker room, bathroom or dressing room and post it
online or send it to others on cell phones.

6. Internet Polling
Who's Hot? Who's Not? Who is the biggest slut in the sixth grade? These types of questions run
rampant on the Internet polls, all created by yours truly - kids and teens. Such questions are
often very offensive to others and are yet another way that kids can "bully" other kids online.

7. Interactive Gaming
Many kids today are playing interactive games on gaming devices such as X-Box Live and Sony
Play Station 2 Network. These gaming devices allow your child to communicate by chat and live
Internet phone with anyone they find themselves matched with in a game online. Sometimes the
kids verbally abuse the other kids, using threats and lewd language. Sometimes they take it
further, by locking them out of games, passing false rumors about them or hacking into their
accounts.

Cyberbullying by proxy

Cyberbullying by proxy is when a cyberbully gets someone else to do their dirty work. Most of
the time they are unwitting accomplices and don't know that they are being used by the
cyberbully. Cyberbullying by proxy is the most dangerous kind of cyberbullying because it often
gets adults involved in the harassment and people who don't know they are dealing with a kid or
someone they know.
"Warning" or "Notify Wars" are an example of cyberbullying by proxy. Kids click on the warning
or notify buttons on their IM screen or e-mail or chat screens, and alert the ISP or service
provider that the victim has done something that violates their rules. If the victim receives
enough warnings or notifications, they can lose their account. The service providers are aware of
this abuse, and often check and see if the warning were justified. But all the cyberbully has to do
is make the victim angry enough to say something rude or hateful back. Then, BINGO! they warn
them, making it look like the victim had started it. In this case, the ISP or service provider is the
innocent accomplice of the cyberbully.

Sometimes the victim's own parents are too. If the cyberbully can make it look like the victim is
doing something wrong, and the parents are notified, the parents will punish the victim. Alyssa,
one of our Teenangels, had this happen to her. To learn more about her cyberbullying problem,
read Alyssa's story.

Cyberbullying by proxy sometimes starts with the cyberbully posing as the victim. They may
have hacked into their account or stolen their password. They may have set up a new account
pretending to be the victim. But however they do it, they are pretending to be the victim and
trying to create problems for the victim with the help of others.

The most typical way a cyberbullying by proxy attack occurs is when the cyberbully gets control
of the victim's account and sends out hateful or rude messages to everyone on their buddy list
pretending to be the victim. They may also change the victim's password so they can't get into
their own account. The victim's friends get angry with the victim, thinking they had sent the
messages without knowing they have been used by the cyberbully. But it's not always this
minor. Sometimes the cyberbully tries to get more people involved.

For example...Mary wants to get Jennifer back for not inviting her to her party. She goes online
and, posing as Jennifer, posts "I hate Brittany, she is so stupid, ugly and fat!" on
buddyprofile.com. Mary may tell Brittany and her friends that she read the post on
buddyprofile.com and blames Jennifer for being mean. Brittany and her friends now start
attacking Jennifer, and may report her to buddyprofile.com or her school. They are doing Mary's
dirty work for her. Mary looks like the "good guy" and Jennifer may be punished by her parents,
lose her account with buddyprofile.com and get into trouble at school. And Brittany and her
friends may start to cyberbully Jennifer too.

Sometimes it is much more serious than that. When cyberbullies want to get others to do their
dirty work quickly, they often post information about, or pose as, their victim in hate group chat
rooms and on their discussion boards. Cyberbullies have even posted this information in child
molester chat rooms and discussion boards, advertising their victim for sex. They then sit back
and wait for the members of that hate group or child molester group to attack or contact the
victim online and, sometimes, offline.

For this to work, the cyberbully needs to post offline or online contact information about the
victim. Real information, not the account they used to impersonate the victim (if they are posing
as the victim to provoke an attack). For example...Jack is angry that Blake was chosen as
captain of the junior varsity basketball team. Blake is black. Jack finds a white supremist group
online and posts in their chat room that Blake said nasty things about whites and their group in
particular. He then posts Blake's cell phone number and screen name. People from the group
start calling and IMing Blake with threats and hateful messages. Jack has no idea how much
danger he has placed Blake in, and Blake doesn't know why he in under attack. In cases of
cyberbullying by proxy, when hate or child molester groups are involved, the victim is in danger
of physical harm and law enforcement must be contacted immediately.
Can you think of examples of cyberbullying by proxy? Share them with us and other kids,
preteens and teens here at the site. We'll never use your name or personally identifying
information, share it with others or bother you. Read our privacy policy to know how we use your
information. You should always read a privacy policy before submitting anything to anywhere
online.

Why do kids cyberbully each other?

Who knows why kids do anything? When it comes to cyberbullying, they are often motivated by
anger, revenge or frustration. Sometimes they do it for entertainment or because they are bored
and have too much time on their hands and too many tech toys available to them. Many do it for
laughs or to get a reaction. Some do it by accident, and either send a message to the wrong
recipient or didn't think before they did something. The Power-hungry do it to torment others
and for their ego. Revenge of the nerd may start out defending themselves from traditional
bullying only to find that they enjoy being the tough guy or gal. Mean girls do it to help bolster or
remind people of their own social standing. And some think they are righting wrong and standing
up for others.

Because their motives differ, the solutions and responses to each type of cyberbullying incident
has to differ too. Unfortunately, there is no "one size fits all" when cyberbullying is concerned.
Only two of the types of cyberbullies have something in common with the traditional schoolyard
bully. Experts who understand schoolyard bullying often misunderstand cyberbullying, thinking it
is just another method of bullying. But the motives and the nature of cybercommunications, as
well as the demographic and profile of a cyberbully differ from their offline counterp

What's the Parents' Role in This?

Parents need to be the one trusted place kids can go when things go wrong online and offline.
Yet they often are the one place kids avoid when things go wrong online. Why? Parents tend to
overreact. Most children will avoid telling their parents about a cyberbullying incident fearing
they will only make things worse. (Calling the other parents, the school, blaming the victim or
taking away Internet privileges.) Unfortunately, they also sometimes underreact, and rarely get
it "just right." (You can read more about this in "Not Too Hot, Not Too Cold! Goldilocks and the
CyberParents")

Parents need to be supportive of your child during this time. You may be tempted to give the
"stick and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you" lecture, but words and
cyberattacks can wound a child easily and have a lasting effect. These attacks follow them into
your otherwise safe home and wherever they go online. And when up to 700 million accomplices
can be recruited to help target or humiliate your child, the risk of emotional pain is very real, and
very serious. Don't brush it off.

Let the school know so the guidance counselor can keep an eye out for in-school bullying and for
how your child is handling things. You may want to notify your pediatrician, family counselor or
clergy for support if things progress. It is crucial that you are there to provide the necessary
support and love. Make them feel secure. Children have committed suicide after having been
cyberbullied, and in Japan one young girl killed another after a cyberbullying incident. Take it
seriously.

Parents also need to understand that a child is just as likely to be a cyberbully as a victim of
cyberbullying and often go back and forth between the two roles during one incident. They may
not even realize that they are seen as a cyberbully. (You can learn more about this under the
"Inadvertent Cyberbully" profile of a cyberbully.)

We have a quick guide to what to do if your child is being cyberbullied: Your actions have to
escalate as the threat and hurt to your child does. But there are two things you must consider
before anything else. Is your child at risk of physical harm or assault? And how are they handling
the attacks emotionally?

If there is any indication that personal contact information has been posted online, or any
threats are made to your child, you must run.do not walk, to your local law enforcement agency
(not the FBI). Take a print-out of all instances of cyberbullying to show them, but note that a
print-out is not sufficient to prove a case of cyber-harassment or cyberbullying. You'll need
electronic evidence and live data for that. (You may want to answer the questions on our
checklist for helping spot the difference between annoying communications and potentially
dangerous ones. But remember, if in doubt, report it.)

Let the law enforcement agency know that the trained cyber-harassment volunteers at
WiredSafety.org will work with them (without charge) to help them find the cyberbully offline and
to evaluate the case. It is crucial that all electronic evidence is preserved to allow the person to
be traced and to take whatever action needs to be taken. The electronic evidence is at risk for
being deleted by the Internet service providers unless you reach out and notify them that you
need those records preserved. The police or volunteers at WiredSafety.org can advise you how to
do that quickly. Using a monitoring product, like Spectorsoft, collects all electronic data
necessary to report, investigate and prosecute your case (if necessary). While hopefully you will
never need it, the evidence is automatically saved by the software in a form useable by law
enforcement when you need it without you having to learn to log or copy header and IP
information.

What is the school's role in this?

When schools try and get involved by disciplining the student for cyberbullying actions that took
place off-campus and outside of school hours, they are often sued for exceeding their authority
and violating the student's free speech right. They also, often lose. Schools can be very effective
brokers in working with the parents to stop and remedy cyberbullying situations. They can also
educate the students on cyberethics and the law. If schools are creative, they can sometimes
avoid the claim that their actions exceeded their legal authority for off-campus cyberbullying
actions. We recommend that a provision is added to the school's acceptable use policy reserving
the right to discipline the student for actions taken off-campus if they are intended to have an
effect on a student or they adversely affect the safety and well-being of student while in school.
This makes it a contractual, not a constitutional, issue.

Take a stand against cyberbullying

Education can help considerably in preventing and dealing with the consequences of
cyberbullying. The first place to begin an education campaign is with the kids and teens
themselves. We need to address ways they can become inadvertent cyberbullies, how to be
accountable for their actions and not to stand by and allow bullying (in any form) to be
acceptable. We need to teach them not to ignore the pain of others.

Teaching kids to Take 5! before responding to something they encounter online is a good place
to start. Jokingly, we tell them to Drop the Mouse! And step away from the computer and no
one will get hurt! We then encourage them to find ways to help them calm down. This may
include doing yoga, or deep-breathing. It may include running, playing catch or shooting hoops.
It may involve taking a bath, hugging a stuffed animal or talking on the phone with friends. Each
child can find their own way of finding their center again. And if they do, they will often not
become a cyberbully, even an inadvertent cyberbully. Teaching them the consequences of their
actions, and that the real Men in Black may show up at their front door sometimes helps. Since
many cyberbullying campaigns include some form of hacking or password or identity theft,
serious laws are implicated. Law enforcement, including the FBI, might get involved in these
cases.

But we need to recognize that few cyberbullying campaigns can succeed without the
complacency and the often help of other kids. If we can help kids understand how much bullying
hurts, how in many cases (unlike the childrens chant) words can hurt you, fewer may cooperate
with the cyberbullies. They will think twice before forwarding a hurtful e-mail, or visiting a
cyberbullying vote for the fat girl site, or allowing others to take videos or cell phone pictures
of personal moments or compromising poses of others. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said that in
the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. We need
to teach our children not to stand silently by while others are being tormented. While it is crucial
that we teach them not to take matters into their own hands (and perhaps become a "vengeful
angel" cyberbully themselves) they need to come to us. And if we expect them to trust us, we
need to be worthy of that trust. (Read more about this at "Goldilocks and the
cyberbullies...not too hot and not too cold," a guide for parents.)

And, in addition to not lending their efforts to continue the cyberbullying, if given an anonymous
method of reporting cyberbullying Web sites, profiles and campaigns, kids can help put an end to
cyberbullying entirely. School administration, community groups and even school policing staff
can receive these anonymous tips and take action quickly when necessary to shut down the site,
profile or stop the cyberbullying itself.

They can even let others know that they wont allow cyberbullying, supporting the victim,
making it clear that they wont be used to torment others and that they care about the feelings
of others is key.

We need to teach our children that silence, when others are being hurt, is not acceptable. If they
dont allow the cyberbullies to use them to embarrass or torment others, cyberbullying will
quickly stop. Its a tall task, but a noble goal. And in the end, our children will be safer online
and offline. We will have helped create a generation of good cybercitizens, controlling the
technology instead of being controlled by it.