COUPLES FOR CHRIST

MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT RETREAT

FRIDAY

6:30 - 7:30 PM Arrival, registration and fellowship

7:30 - 7:45 Prayers
7:45 - 8:20 Orientation: Explanation of objectives, procedures and expectations
from couples
Presentation of schedule
Administrative announcements (house rules, etc.)
Introduction of MER team
8:20 - 8:30 Break
8:30 - 9:15 TALK 1 : Serving God through Christian Marriage
9:15 - 9:45 Couple discussion
9:45 - 10:15 Snacks
10:30 Lights out

SATURDAY

7:00 - 8:00 AM Breakfast

8:00 - 8:30 Worship
8:30 - 9:15 TALK 2 : The Christian Couples as a Pastoral Team
9:15 - 9:45 Couple discussion
9:45 - 10:15 Break/snacks
10:15 - 11:00 TALK 3 : The Role of a Christian Husband
11:00 - 11:05 Stretch break
11:05 - 11:50 TALK 4 : The Role of a Christian Wife
11:50 - 12:30 Couple discussion
12:30 - 2:00 PM Lunch and rest
2:00 - 2:30 Songs of praise
2:30 - 3:15 TALK 5 : Effective Communication in Marriage
3:15 - 3:45 Couple discussion
3:45 - 4:15 Break/snack
4:15 - 5:00 TALK 6 : Healing our Marriages
5:00 - 6:00 Prayers for healing
6:00 - 7:00 Preparation for Lord's Day and program
7:00 - 8:00 Lord's Day celebration
8:00 - 10:00 Program and fellowship
SUNDAY

7:00 - 8:00 AMBreakfast

8:00 - 8:30 Worship
8:30 - 9:15 TALK 7 : Building our Homes for God
9:15 - 9:45 Couple Discussion
9:45 - 10:15 Break/snacks
10:15 - 11:00 Open forum/sharing
11:00 - 11:30 Action planning
11:30 - 12:30 Mass and Renewal of marriage vows
12:30 Lunch
Departure
 MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT RETREAT

A. RATIONALE:

In response to the need for a better understanding and appreciation of God's plan for marriage
and family life, the Marriage enrichment retreat was evolved and is now made part of the
program of Couples for Christ. For couples to discover more clearly and intimately God's
plan, there is a need to spend time in an atmosphere where God's word can be studied,
understood and meditated on; where couples can have an opportunity to come before the
Lord and present themselves as a living oblation. A time is needed where couples can take
stock and assess themselves, their relationship, their family life and their roles within the
context of God's plan. Couples need time to know God's vision and take practical steps in
order to attain the goal God is calling them to.

B. BASIC FRAMEWORK:

In order to respond to the need of knowing God's vision and to be able to take practical steps
to move forward towards God's call, this retreat is structured as follows:

PHASE I UNDERSTANDING GOD'S CALL

This phase focuses in elucidating God's call for married couples

and as a result enable couples to formulate in more concrete terms
the direction God is calling them to.

PHASE II LEARNING TO LIVE GOD'S CALL EFFECTIVELY

This phase of the program will present to the couples in a more

direct and specific way how they can live and enjoy more fully
God's call. The couples will also be able to examine themselves
and be able to identify areas they need to have specific
improvements and/or changes.

PHASE III PLANNING TO LIVE GOD'S CALL MORE EFFECTIVELY

This phase of the program shall propel couples to establish specific

action plans which translate in concrete terms the changes/
improvements they need to work on after the retreat in order to
truly live God's call to the full.

C. ELEMENTS:

1. PRAYER - Being a retreat, the schedule provides adequate time for both common and
personal prayer. The retreat is structured in such a way that every activity is
centered on Christ. Prayer is an effective way of discovering God's call and
responding to that call with faith and humility.
 2. TEACHINGS - The retreat provides a series of seven (7) talks focused on examining
important areas of Christian marriage and family life. The talks will not only
present teachings from the Bible, but practical guidelines will be provided by
couple speakers.

3 COUPLE DISCUSSION - After each talk is presented, the husband and wife will meet
exclusively with one another to discuss and pray about specific aspects of
their marriage and family life they need to work on.

4. ACTION PLANNING - Towards the end of the retreat, the husband and wife will meet
exclusively to formulate specific steps they will do to put into practice the
teachings as well as to resolve issues that hinder their growth in Christian
marriage.

5. FELLOWSHIP - As a part of enhancing the relationship of participating couples and

promoting wholesome and healthy entertainment, the retreat provides couples
time for interaction as well as program where all couples take part actively.

6. EUCHARISTIC CELEBRATION - To climax the weekend retreat on a Sunday, a Holy

Mass is celebrated. During the mass, couples renew their marriage vows and
offer to God their action plans.

D. STRUCTURE:

The Marriage Enrichment Retreat is structured in such a way that couples can listen to
practical talks from couples and be able to discuss the talk as it applies to them as individual
couples. Time for prayer and meditation will also be adequately provided. Sharing among
couples is emphasized to encourage/facilitate openness, honesty, sincerity and humility
between the two. The retreat is climaxed by an action-planning per couple which they will
pursue after the retreat.
 EXPECTATIONS FROM PARTICIPATING COUPLES

1. Follow house rules and regulations of venue; follow retreat schedule.

2. Take down notes and listen attentively during the talk. It can facilitate couple discussion.

3. Win attitude vs. win-lose attitude.

4. Problem solving approach vs. fault-finding/blaming approach.

5. Exercise active listening (during the talk and couple discussion).

6. Openness and sincerity

7. Be realistic in your expectations during and after the retreat.

8. Have a prayerful attitude during the whole weekend retreat.

9. Be humble and seek counsel and help when needed.

10. Formulate action plan during the retreat.

 CRITERIA FOR SELECTION OF MER TEAM COUPLES

A. BASIC REQUIREMENTS

1. Has undergone MER themselves

2. A household Head for at least a period of six (6) months

3. Lives out basic CFC commitments

4. Willing to serve

5. Has demonstrated leadership and management capabilities

6. Family life in good order

7. Good physical condition

B. ADDITIONAL REQUIREMENTS

HEAD COUPLE

1. Has adequate skills in counseling

2. Has adequate skills in giving a talk/teaching

ASSISTANT COUPLE

1. Has adequate skills in counseling

SERVANT COUPLE

1. Play a musical instrument (guitar)

2. Can operate the sound system

 DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

SPEAKERS:

1. Prepares assigned talks in accordance with the topic objectives given him before hand.

2. Gives talk in clear, concise language emphasizing the focal point/s stipulated in the
weekend design.

3. Elicits interest and enthusiasm among participating couples, to encourage and exhort
them thru the talk.

4. Injects humor whenever necessary.

5. Entertains comments, questions, clarifications for better understanding and appreciation

of the talk.

6. Uses relevant audio-visual aids to enhance talk whenever necessary.

7. When necessary, solicits an update from head couple regarding previous talks given to
provide a smooth transition from previous talks to his own.

8. Makes himself open to constructive criticism regarding talk content and delivery.

9. Make sure he is ready to give the talk at least fifteen (15) minutes before schedule.

10. Checks appropriate handout for distribution after his talk.

 DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

HEAD COUPLE

1. Conducts a briefing session with all serving couples in the team at least one (1) week
before the scheduled retreat to orient them on the schedule, mechanics, expectations, their
respective roles and profile of participating couples in general.

2. Orients serving couples of the team, the purpose and use of MER Manual.

3. Manages the smooth over all implementation of weekend activities/objectives.

4. Implements schedule as planned exercising flexibility as need arises.

5. Sets clear weekend expectations of participating couples and serving couples.

6. Monitors and assesses development/difficulties of individual participating couples as

weekend progresses.

7. Offers relevant feedback to other serving couples to exchange weekend implementation

and participation of couples.

8. Give scheduled talks in ease assigned speakers do not come.

9. Evaluates over-all implementation and result of weekend.

10. Prepares and submit reports and recommendation for weekend improvements to over-all
Coordinators sc. Pastoral Team Members.

11. Intercede daily for the retreat and participating couples.

 DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

ASSISTANT COUPLE:

1. Manages the over-all administrative aspects of the retreat.

2. Responsible for registration and collection of fees for the weekend.

3. Ascertains that all logistics needed for the retreat are set up in good working condition.

4. Takes charge of the storage disposal of items in the packing list.

5. Acts as timekeeper for the entire retreat.

6. Coordinates with the kitchen for the menu, schedule of meals and other kitchen needs
including those for the Lord's Day Celebration.

7. Coordinates with the venue management for retreat bills, and other CFC needs that arise
during the retreat.

8. Monitors attendance of participating couples during the retreat talks/activities using the
prescribed attendance form.

9. Attends to special request of participating couples as need arises.

10. Implements house rules as prescribed by venue management.

11. Volunteers any relevant feedback/information to head and servant couples to assist
participating couples and enhance implementation of retreat activities.

12. Submits comments and recommendations at the end of retreat to head couple.

13. Follows-up speakers/priest/guest and remind them of their schedules in the retreat.

14. Intercedes daily for the retreat and participating couples.

 DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

SERVANT COUPLE:

1. Acts as the music ministry for the retreat.

2. Tapes all talks and pertinent retreat portions for records purposes.

3. Prepares a repertoire of appropriate songs for each portion of the retreat, i.e., prayers,
reflection periods, socials, Lord's Day and Mass.

4. Sets up and monitors the sound system during the retreat.

5. Checks and distributes appropriate handouts to participating couples during retreat.

6. Retrieves and files all pertinent documents, visual aids, group outputs at the end of each
sessions for record purposes.

7. Teaches appropriate songs to participating couples during retreat.

8. Assists the Assistant Couples in checking and securing all CFC property.

9. Plans and takes charge of the social evening during the retreat in close coordination with
other serving couples.

10. Volunteers any relevant information to Head and Assistant couples that will help
participating couples maximize their weekend and enhance entire weekend
implementation.

11. Submits comments and recommendation at the end of the retreat to head couple.

12. Assists assistant couple in kitchen needs as necessary.

13. Intercedes daily for the retreat and participating couples.

I Talk 1 : SERVING GOD THROUGH CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

II OBJECTIVES :

A. To review the presentation on God's plan for marriage.

B. To explain the quality of response couples should take in serving Lord.
C. To discuss how we can receive the power of the Holy Spirit for our marriages.

III EXPANDED OUTLINE :

A. Introduction

1. God's plan for our salvation (Eph. 1:3-14)

a. He destined us to be his sons through Jesus - on God's initiative.

b. In Jesus, we have redemption and forgiveness for our sins.
c. Ultimately, to unite all things totally under Christ.
d. We, too, were chosen and sealed with the Holy Spirit, the guarantee of our
inheritance. (Cite baptism and recent Charismatic renewal). God is releasing the
power of his Holy Spirit in us. It's exciting!

2. Our response to God (Matt. 13:44-46)

a. Keep the "pearl of great price" attitude - all out for God.
b. "For his sake, I have forfeited everything; I have accounted all else rubbish so that
Christ may be wealth." (Phil. 3:8)
c. Concrete applications:

1. After our baptism in the Holy Spirit, we are willing to do anything for God.
Our lives changed: the way we used our time, our set of friends, the things we
delighted to talk about, the books we read.
2. Service to God became a high priority (includes evangelism)

B. Covenant of Service

1. Whole attitude of serving God

a. Our hearts are transformed to a desire to serve God (Phil. 21-ff.)

b. Serving God requires a sacrifice of our time and resources.
c. Many of the things we do are good but if we aren't careful, we could neglect the most
important thing God has given us to do as married couples: building strong marriages
and families for Christ.

2. Serving God through our marriages

a. The family is God's plan for the human race. (Gen. 1:27-28/Gen 2:18). We have an
 important part in this plan of God.
b. The larger human society is a collection of families.
c. The family is the basic unit of the church.
d. From families come the future generation of the people of God.
e. The strength of the church depends upon the strength of the individual families that
comprise it.
f. Successful family life administration is considered an essential qualification for
serving in the church. (1 Tim. 3:4-5)

3. What God wants of us is a solid, strong home and family

a. Being a "light of the world" - how we live as men and women of God at home and
outside the home. This is our best witness Christian family life.
b. No fragmented type of Christian living
c. Christian personal relationships in the family - how we love, honor, respect and serve
one another in the family. Some enduring values such as obedience, love, honesty,
courage and faith are lived and taught. God is the center of the home.
d. Children are being raised to know, love and serve God. Children are growing up to be
obedient, respectful and humble. Cite 2Macc. 7 - story of courageous mother and her
seven martyred sons.
e. Our home and family became a source of blessing, enrichment and strength to others.
The home is a place to encounter God, to receive healing and encouragement like an
oasis in a desert.

C. Receiving the power of the Holy Spirit for our marriages

1. The Lord's ideal of marriage is a lofty one. By ourselves, it is unattainable. But the
Lord reminds us that our marriages have received the blessings of the Holy Spirit.
Yet, by our insensitivity to the Lord, we have not opened up our marriages to the greater
blessings and power of the Holy Spirit. (Read Ps. 127:1-2)

2. The Lord calls us to rededicate our marriages, our homes and families to Him. He calls us
to view our marriages as a service covenant with Him, so that by our marriages, God can
draw more people unto Him.

3. This weekend, open up yourselves to the power of the Holy Spirit so that we may receive
what we need for our marriages. Ask much, expect much. The Lord is generous.

IV DISCUSSION STARTERS :

A. In what ways have we failed to see the important role our marriage has in the work of the
Lord?
B. What can we do to make our marriage more "sold out" for the Lord?
I Talk 2 : THE CHRISTIAN COUPLE AS A PASTORAL TEAM

II OBJECTIVE :

A. To explain the meaning of the "Pastoral Team".

B. To discuss the qualities of couples working as a Pastoral Team.
C. To discuss some practical steps couples can take to grow as a Pastoral Team.

III EXPANDED OUTLINE

A. Introduction

1. What do we mean by "pastoral"?

a. The word "pastoral" is derived from pastor. Pastor is another word for shepherd.
b. In the New Testaments, Jesus used the word "shepherd" to refer to his relationship
to the people he cares for. "I am a good shepherd: the good shepherd lays down
his life for the sheep. The hired hand - who is no shepherd nor owner of the sheep
- catches sight of the wolf coming and runs away, leaving the sheep to be
snatched by the wolf." (John 10:11-12)
c. He again used the same principle of relationship what he installed Peter as leader
of his flock. (John 2:15-17)

2. What does "team" mean?

a. Members have clearly stated roles and functions;

b. Members complement each other;
c. Help and support each other in achieving their purpose
d. United, cohesive

3. Pastoral work became a term that applied to the work of priest and ministers of God
in caring for their people - their flock. Such work is to take care of people as through
feeding and caring for sheep.

B. Being pastors over the family

1. Operating as a team is primary requisite for the husband and wife.

a. For the sake of unity.

b. Acceptance of joint responsibility.
c. It is God's idea. Man needs woman. Woman needs man. (1 Cor. 11:11) Each one
incapable of fulfilling God's plan alone.

2. Pastoral team duties applied to husband and wife joint responsibility over the family.

a. Connotes total care as shepherd caring for sheep. (Explain nature of sheep)
 b. Presumes dedication and love for the sheep. Proper exercise of authority is a
product of a love relationship. (Cite "hired hand" comparison of Jesus)
c. Infers priestly duties and accountability to Chief Shepherd who is the Lord.
d. Infers that the family is a domestic church as St. John Chrysoston called it. Also
Vatican II and Familiarie Consortio.

3. As pastors over the "domestic church", we need to set some essential elements in
place first of all:

a. That Jesus is the Lord of the home.

Everything in it most clearly glorify the Lord:decorations, speech, music,
entertainment, books, media, etc.
b. That there is a conversion to Christian values and relationships
A personal conversion to Christ ought to be seen concretely in the way the family
lives, and in the way members of the family relate with each other and other
people. Where is the place of money? What are the priorities of the family? How
does the family use its time? Where is it going?
c. That unity and orders prevails through the faithful observance of the Christian
roles of men and women (God's governmental provision for family.)
God created men different from women. Complementarity rather than competition
is the rule: man in the role of providing, protecting and governing; women in the
role of helpmate and partner. Neither of them capable of fulfilling God's purpose
for the human race. (Cite: Gen. 2:18/1 Cor. 11:3/Eph. 5:22)
d. That the family is properly connected with the larger segment of the church.
Family life renewal cannot take place effectively unless the renewal of a larger
segment takes place. A family cannot sustain itself unless other families support
such action. Can a man be a Christian husband without the support of other
Christian men? Women? Children?

4. Pastoral steps to take as a pastoral team

Conversion to Jesus and acceptance of Him as our personal Lord and Savior does not
mean that everything automatically gets converted to the plan of God. Often, we need
to take practical steps that our homes and families can undergo an ongoing process
of transformation.

a. Make time as husband and wife to talk, share and grow in unity of heart and mind
in caring for the family. Recommended : once a week dialogue one-to-one.
b. Make time to be a Christian family.
1. daily family prayer (bless the children, too)
2. Regular Lord's Day prayers as a family
3. Do some relational type of family recreation (at least weekly)
4. Spend some meal times together as a family.
c. Make pastoral plans for the whole family, for each member. You are often ruled
by circumstances when you have no plans or directions. Usually making such
plans can mean simply knowing what the family is supposed to do to be more
Christian and pursuing it. In the case of each child, character formation is usually
 involved.
d. Pray, fast and intercede
The building of a strong Christian family requires some spiritual effort. Open
your homes to God's outpouring of strength and wisdom and grace through
prayers and fasting. We are engaged in spiritual warfare. (Eph. 6:10-ff)

C. Concluding Exhortation

"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor it labor in vain." (Ps. 127:1)
The task of building a strong family is a God-given task. It requires God-given effort. Let
us constantly invite the Holy Spirit to guide and strengthen us for this task.

IV DISCUSSION STARTERS :

A. How does each set of relationship described in the talk actually operate in our family?
B. What difficulties do we encounter in exercising our roles?
C. What changes and improvements do we need to make?
I Talk 3 : THE ROLE OF THE CHRISTIAN HUSBAND

II OBJECTIVES :

A. To explain the role and responsibility of a Christian husband.

B. To discuss specific areas in family life where the husband should take active leadership
and responsibility.

III EXPANDED OUTLINE :

A. Introduction

1. For us to grow as a Pastoral Team in the family, we must understand more clearly our
role as a husband.

2. For many of us, our understanding of responsibility is one-sided (in business, civic
affairs, etc.) in which we:

a. have authority
b. Manage/direct things

3. The other side of responsibility is "to give an account" - Heb. 13. Not only do we men
have God's authority to get things done, but we will be held accountable for what we
have been given to do.

4. Webster's definition of accountable suggests imminence of retribution for an

unfulfilled trust or violated obligation. Example:

a. Mt. 25:14-30 - Parable of the Silver Pieces

b. God does not hold us accountable for things beyond our control. (situation,
people's lives)

B. Teaching of Scripture on the Husband's Role

1. As a general principle, men are supposed to be responsible for the people of God.
They take the leadership. Women are responsible but in a different way.

2. Areas of responsibility are :

a. Governance of people as a whole: 1 Tim., Heb. 13-17; Ex. 3:16

b. Leadership in worship 1 Tim 2:8; 2 Chron. 5
c. Providing protection: James 5:!4; Acts 20:28-31
d. Head of the family: Eph. 5:22
 C. Husband's Responsibility for Family

1. Men need to understand more the importance of the family and his responsibility to
see that it is what God intends.

a. Men's typical pattern is to leave home and family to wife, while he is responsible
only for providing the money.
b. Scripture teaches us the father's proper role (1 Sam. 2:12-ff; Jos. 24:14; Eph. 6.4)

2. Areas where the husband needs to actively lead the family.

a. Wife
- Make sure that her basic personal needs are met
- Make sure of adequate communication
- Help her maintain perspective for self and family and Couples for Christ
- Help her in her spiritual growth: spiritual life, prayer also schedule
- Make sure she has sufficient and good relationships with other persons,
particularly with members of Couples for Christ.
b. Children
- Take leadership and responsibility in teaching them about the Lord; do not
leave it to the church, school or community
- Take the leadership in training sons in manly character
- Take the leadership in disciplining the children
c. Family life and home
- Set the emotional tone for the home (not the wife)
- Oversee the family schedule (meals, prayer, entertainment and outside
activities)
- Teach and lead the family into living the covenant of Couples for Christ and
patterns of relationship
- Take charge of social situations - don't leave to wives
- Be the spiritual protector (intercession, spiritual warfare blessing)

D. Sources of Support and Strength of the Husband

1. The Lord is our ultimate source of strength: he is the way, the life and the truth. He is
the source of wisdom. When we feel weary and find life burdensome, we should turn
to the Lord. (Mt. 11:28-30)

2. Turn to the household head for guidance and direction. The Lord anoints his leaders.

3. During your weekly household meeting, open up yourself to brothers that you may
receive the needed support.

IV DISCUSSION STARTERS :
A. How am I discharging my responsibilities as a husband in the areas mentioned?
B. How can I get more help and support from other Christian husband?
I Talk 4 : THE ROLE OF A CHRISTIAN WIFE

II OBJECTIVES

A. To explain the role and responsibility of a Christian wife

B. To discuss specific areas in marriage where a wife can live her role effectively.

III EXPANDED OUTLINE :

A. God's Original Purposes for a Women

Woman is a helpmate (Gen. 2:18-25). Purpose is unity: one goal, life and vision. This is a
tremendous challenge to do well.

B. The Woman as a Helpmate

1. What it brings about in the relationship and the family

a. It helps form the vision for family life

b. It helps carry on the vision with all the gifts, ability and creativity
c. It helps the husband carry out his work and service
d. It helps raise children and form girls in Christian womanly character
e. It helps by generously serving everyone in the family - going the "extra mile".

2. What helpmate is not

a. Pastor for husband - not showing his faults

b. Foe: not a tug of war; his way vs. my way
c. Coach: figure head, directing how he should discharge his responsibility as head
of the family

C. Living-out the wife's Role Effectively

1. Spiritual Life

a. Her own prayer life should be in order

b. Pray and intercede for the husband
c. Pray for the household head of the husband

2. Practical life

a. Personal needs are cared for: cloths, food, etc.

b. The environment of the home serves him
c. Sexually - be available and know what his needs are
 3. In actions

a. Express love, honor and respect

b. Raise children to love, honor and respect the father
c. Allow the husband to lead social and family gathering

4. Speech Patterns

a. Be the source of blessing and kindness (Prov. 31)

b. Speak gently with love
c. Put aside critical speech and sharp remarks

D. Conclusion:

In the eyes of the world, we are fools. Only in our environment of mutual trust, honor,
respect based on the Lord is this possibility. The end result is a woman who ministers.

Blessing nor curse

Healing not hurt
Life not death
Encouragement not destruction

We need the power of the Holy Spirit and patience with ourselves and others.

IV DISCUSSION STARTERS:

A. How am I living out my role as a helpmate to my husband"

B. How can I get more help and support from other Christian wives?
I Talk 5 : EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE

II OBJECTIVES:

A. To discuss the purpose of communication in marriage.

B. To explain the obstacles and barriers to good communication.
C. To suggest specific steps in handling disagreements.

III EXPANDED OUTLINE:

A. Love and Communication

1. The husband-Wife relationship is a love relationship

a. It is a personal, life-long, stable commitment to love and serve one another.
b. It is meant to express and support a relationship of love.
c. It is important to express that love (sexually, gift making a home, providing,
verbalizing)

2. Communication in marriage is a more than just learning a skill while it serves the
basic functions (facts, information, understanding) we communicate with our spouse
in order to love and serve Him/Her.
a. Communication is one concrete expression of love

B. Obstacles to Good Communication

1. Self-image and image of the spouse

a. If your perception of yourself is always "right" and "better" that your spouse is
always "wrong", communication will not work.

2. Not listening to one another

a. Being selective in listening
b. Not spending enough effort to understand the "message" not just the words.
c. Preparing a rebuttal before the other has finished
d. Not paying attention to what the other is saying

3. Resigned to the current situation

a. He just never talks; she just never stops
b. We don't have anything to talk about
c. We don't seem to have the time

4. Some differences between men and women

a. Men deal more in ideas and concepts, women more personal feelings and
reactions.
b. Men tend to see the whole picture and can live with a problem, woman wants it
dealt with immediately.
 C. Handling of Disagreement in Marriage

1. Be objective and focus on the REAL issue

a. Avoid calling each other "names"
b. Do not be judgmental
c. Do not allow the discussion to lead you to discussing other issues

2. Deal with issues before they build up (the best defense is a good offense)

3. Both partners should agree that whoever recognizes that the disagreement has taken a
bad turn will immediately begin to change things by repenting for his/her respon-
sibility in it. In the face of this, the other partner should respond in kind.

4. Afterwards, evaluate the argument

a. Discuss the dynamics (i.e. what caused each person to react wrongly and how to
avoid such reactions in the future)
b. Make agreements (e.g. to not be silent, do not walk out of the room to control
emotions, to be eager to repent)
c. Make sure adequate reconciliation happens even though you still disagree.
d. Sometimes you need to deal with more immediate problems raised by the issue
and save the issue itself for later (e.g. one partner having a bad day).
N.B. Because we are human and are living an intense life together, we will have
to deal with disagreements from time to time. Handling them the right way will
make them less traumatic and actually turn them into something constructive.

D. Concluding Exhortations

1. Good communication is something we need to learn

a. We should recognize its difficulties and obstacles. Be realistic in your expectations.
b. It will take time.
c. Discuss both failures and successes.

2. Seek the help of brothers and sisters if you need it:

a. Some difficulties may need an outside perspective to get connected.
b. Seek the help of your household head.

3. Have faith in God

The power of the Holy Spirit is at work in our marriages.

IV DISCUSSION STARTERS:

A. What obstacles do I put in the way of good communication?

B. What are the areas that need changes and improvement in our communication?
I Talk 6 : HEALING OUR MARRIAGE

II OBJECTIVES:

A. To understand and appreciate the importance of the role of inner healing in marriages.
B. To discuss the different kinds of healing
C. To explain the various sources of hurts in marriage
D. To discuss practical steps in dealing and healing hurts in marriage

III EXPANDED OUTLINE

A. Introduction

1. What is inner healing?

a. Inner healing is the healing of the inner man. By inner man we mean the
intellectual, volitional and effective areas commonly referred to as mind, will and
heart but including such other areas as related to emotions, psyche, soul and spirit.
b. Inner healing is distinguished from outer healing commonly called physical
healing.

2. Why inner healing?

We believe that Jesus who is the same yesterday, today and forever can take the
memories and hurts of the past and:
a. Heal them from the wounds that still remain and which affect our present lives.
b. Fill with His love all those places in us that have been empty for so long, once
they have been healed and drained of the poison of the past hurts and resentments.
c. Once freed of past hurts and memories, we are able to upbuild one another.

3. Good health is one of the basic things that God desires for us:
a. Wholeness of man-healthy mind, body and emotions
b. If we believe that God is love, then it is easy for us to believe that healing
(individual inner healing) is an ordinary, not extraordinary, sign of His
compassion and love.

4. Jesus desires to heal us

a. Mk. 1:40-41 - "Off course, I want to heal you"
b. Mt. 4:23-24 - Jesus healed all kinds of diseases and sickness
- His ministry was not limited to physical healing
c. Lk. 22:31-34- Jesus prays for Peter that he may be strengthened

B. Four basic kinds of healing

It is important to know that different kinds of sicknesses require different prayers so that
we can appropriate fully the healing that God wants us to experience.

1. Repentance - for personal sin.

 2. Inner healing - for emotional sickness

3. Physical healing - physical sickness

4. Deliverance - for demonic oppression.

C. Dealing with hurts in marriage

1. Hurts that we bring into our marriages

a. Many of us by the time we get married may have already experienced or are
suffering from scars of traumas or painful memories from the past. Uncon-
sciously, we carry them into our marriages and they could become obstacles to
positive and open relationship.
Ex. We have a young woman in love, who was born to a family whose father was
openly carrying an extra-marital relations with several women, had difficulty
believing that she could marry a husband who will not womanize.
b. Sometimes we experience some fear or alienation from some people do not even
understand.

2. In the marriage relationship, hurts can happen in various ways.

a. deliberate - We speak unkindly or carelessly and expect our partners to
understand
- some enter into extramarital relations (this can start with simple
flirting) that eventually breaks down the family.
b. insensitivity to one another's needs and expectations - Husband has a strong sense
of responsibility and wants to provide for the family well. He spends a lot of his
time working and earning money. His wife in the meantime feels left out and
unloved.
c. scars and memories of past sins or guilt - Sometimes our past sins continue to
have a hold on us that we find it hard to even forgive ourselves.
ex. woman who had an abortion (Then prayer that heals by: Francis McNutt)
d. fears and insecurities - often times arising because of past experiences
ex. the wife maintains a secret bank account. Why? her husband in the past
squandered their money. Her secret bank account has become her security.

3. How hurts can be healed

a. forgiveness
1. Ex. Tell the story of Fr. Matt and Dennis Bynn and their experience in retreat
and psychiatric wards.
retreat - "When did you feel closest to God?"
psychiatric ward - "When did you experience the world falling on you?"

It is interesting to note from the experience of these two priests that the same
event that brought some to the psychiatric ward is the same event that brought
others to the loving arms of God.
 What is the difference? The way the people dealt with the hurts brought about
by these events - whether they have been able to forgive or not.

2. Learn to forgive - difficulty to forgive is sometimes experienced especially if

the hurt is deep and well-nursed: do not rely on your power pray to Jesus for
the power to forgive.
3. Once a person is able to forgive, he experiences freedom that allows him to be
peaceful and joyful.

b. prayers for inner healing

Sometimes we experience that even after we have forgiven, we still hurt, get
fearful or angry. Somehow we have not yet overcome that feeling that came with
the negative experience. Oftentimes,we need to pray for inner healing for these
hurts to be dealt with.
Ex. Single woman who was in her forties who could not forgive her mother - even
after forgiving her mother, she needed prayers for inner healing.

c. counselling
To give specific directions and guidance in order to help a person overcome a
problem or difficulty involves entering into a counseling relationship where the
counsellee promises to obey directions given by counsellor.
I Talk 7 : BUILDING OUR HOMES FOR GOD

II OBJECTIVES

A. To describe what a Christian home is and its essential characteristics.

B. To give specific steps and suggestions in building up a strong Christian home.

III EXPANDED OUTLINE :

A. Introduction

1. Our task :

Our task as Christian couples is to build our homes for God. This talk in fact gives:
a. a vision or picture of how we want our homes to be characteristics of a Christian
home.
b. some suggestions as to how we can go about building our homes for God.

2. Christian Home
a. Provide the environment that allows us to raise a Christian family.
b. Center of our Christian life.

B. Characteristics of a Christian Home

1. Faith
a. place where the Lord Jesus reigns
- the very air proclaim His presence
b. place where prayers and Scriptures form an integral part of family pattern of life
(Deut. 6:4-9)
- family prayers
- blessing of the children-seal them with God's protection
- prayers for healing
- reading of Scripture
c. place where the goodness of the Lord is recounted and remembered often
- builds up faith and confidence in God our Father
- foster grateful hearts
- Deut. 8:10-18

2. Service Love
a. place where each one is eager to serve the others-both members of our household
and outsiders
b. Father leads, i.e. - sets directions as to what services to do or to accept - sets limits
c. Mothers makes the home a place of hospital by
- brothers and sisters are welcomed
- needy are cared for
- distinguished between Christians (to serve) and world's view (to impress) of
 hospitality.
d. Children are introduced to service as natural part of life.
- let the children serve snacks, merienda
- let them welcome the guests
- do not send them away when guest come
e. Open your home to the Lord so that He can use it in any way He wants

3. Peace
a. Place where relationships are working well
- does not mean that there will never be relationship difficulties but it does not
mean that we have matured in our relationships so that we know how to tackle
them when they rise.
b. Pattern of life is relaxed and orderly to enable members of the family to serve the
Lord in various ways and to free us from the frantic pace of the world.
c. Place where God's providence and provisions are experienced
- free from anxieties and pressures of the world

4. Order - which flows from our relationship with God

a. Roles of husband, wife, father, mother and children are clear, defined and lived
out
1. Father
- confidential and responsible takes care of the family-leads, prays and
teaches
- provides financial needs
- provides physical protection

2. Mother
- makes home a place of warmth, a place where life can happen

3. Children
- honor, respect and obey their parents

b. Order in schedule-in life together

- not boarding house
- ample opportunities for family members to interact with one another enjoy
each other's presence
Ex. TV and outside activities should not usurp family time. Focus on
recreation that allows interaction

c. Physical order
- cleanliness
- system for storage

How can we build our homes for God

1. Make a decision that you will do what it takes to have a Christian home
 - Father takes active headship in bringing this about

2. Evaluate your home

a. what elements are not God's dominion (be honest)
b. review the relationship within your family (include those who are living with you)
c. review the values of your family and household
d. identity areas which may need change or improvements

3. Prepare a plan (goals, time frame, specific things to do) for building your home for
God
a. prioritize your goals
b. husband and wife agrees on the plan c. explain the plan to the rest of the
household-get their input and cooperation

4. Have the right mind and attitude

a. be open to the leading of the Spirit
b. be obedient to God's word
c. pursue your plans with decisiveness and determination; be consistent
d. be realistic in your expections

5. Periodically evaluate your progress against your plan

a. be flexible, do not hesitate to change if such are needed
b. repent if you have not been faithful and steadfast

D. Conclusion

1. We are living in a society where support structures for a good Christian and family
life are slowly collapsing; because we are a victorious people we are not weakened;
we are a people of hope

2. We are people called by the Lord, a people He set apart. Let us be proud of this and
be faithful to Him. Let us build with the Lord (Ps. 127)

3. We are given the task of building home, a place where Christian culture truly will be
lived to the full

4. Have no fear because Jesus promised to be with us. (Mt. 18:19-20)

(NOTE: GIVE YOUR OWN EXAMPLES)

IV DISCUSSION STARTERS:

A. What do we have to develop and/or give up as a practice in order to make our home truly
Christian home?

B. What steps shall we take in order to improve the situation in our home?