Compromise

Our final training session had ended hours ago, and Bella was in her bed, finally sleeping soundly.
It had taken nearly two hours for her sleep talking to stop. The sun was up by the time she slipped
into a dreamless sleep, and she spent the majority of the morning in bed. When she was coherent,
Bella informed me that she had several things to take care of before joining me for our evening
together. I was eager to get her back to my house and enjoy us being trulyalone – as opposed to
alone, except for a sleeping Charlie one room away – but I waited patiently while Bella gave away
concert tickets to her friends, packed Charlie a lunch for his fishing trip, did three loads of laundry,
and ate dinner slower than I'd ever seen her eat. It almost felt like she was nervous about something,
though she'd made it clear the night before than she was looking forward to spending the night at
my house.

"My family will be leaving soon. I should probably check in before they go," I told her. I did want
to speak with Alice one last time, to make sure there wasn't any new information, but more than
anything, I felt the need to give Bella some alone time. There was something different about her
nervousness, something that made me think it wasn't just concern over the upcoming battle, and I
hoped that having some time to think it through without my hovering over her would help.

When I reached my house, all the lights were off except for one, and it was quieter than I'd
expected. Had everyone left already? I entered the silent house and ran up the stairs to my room,
quickly making sure everything was ready for Bella's visit. My eyes were drifting back and forth
between the large bed that was rendered useless when Bella wasn't there, and the nightstand which
held the ring I so desperately wanted to place on her finger. My thoughts were so far away, I didn't
realize Alice was standing behind me until I heard her sigh.

You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

I looked up to see her arching one eyebrow at me, and wondered if there had been more to the
conversation that I'd missed. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

I wasn't saying anything, she teased.

"I thought everyone had left."

Everyone did, and I was already a few miles away when I started seeing you pacing around like
you were worried something bad was going to happen. So, I came back to check on you, and here
you are, looking worried. Can you please at least try to enjoy your evening with Bella? It wasn't
easy getting Charlie to agree to let her come over.

I cast her a disbelieving stare.

Fine, she admitted, smiling angelically. Maybe it was easy. But considering I didn't even get a
"thank you" from you for arranging everything, I think the least you can do is promise you won't
waste your time with Bella worrying over stupid things.

She paused, her mind wandering and jumping so quickly, I couldn't focus on anything specific.
Then, her expression changed and she spoke aloud. "You two really need this. Bella's been a mess
lately."

I wanted to argue with her, but I knew she was right. Although Bella seemed to have relaxed around
me after my agreeing to stay out of the fight, I knew there was plenty left on her mind. She was
worried about my family, worried about the wolves, and no amount of assurance on my part or the
part of my family seemed to make any difference.

"What else am I supposed to do, Alice? I hate to see her like this, but I've already done all I can do.
I'm staying behind so she doesn't have to worry about my safety, but you know as well as I do that
her concern for me is only part of what's bothering her. Unless that mongrel decides to stay behind
as well, I don't think she'll be content until after the fight is over."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Even then," she muttered, and I wondered what she was seeing – seeing and
hiding.

"So, what do you suggest?" I asked.

She smiled again, her mind flashing through images that had once terrified me, but now felt almost
comforting in their inevitability. Bella, pale and cold, yet smiling – a member of my family,
standing beside us, strong and wonderful. The two of us holding hands, white on white, finally
belonging to the same world. Bella's lips hard against mine, together without fear or hesitation. It
was one of the more alluring of Alice's visions, and one that I was only now starting to admit had
been a source of temptation, urging me to give in to Bella's request against my better judgment.

"Well, what I meant was, what do you suggest I do to ease Bella's mind about the fight. But I
appreciate the sentiment," I added, joining in her grin. "Don't suppose you've seen anything about a
wedding that you're not sharing with me?"

"I've always been able to see Bella in her wedding dress, but that's because I've already picked it out
for her. It won't be a true vision of the future, however, until she decides she's ready for that step."

"Very helpful, Alice."

"Oh, I know. Now, you'd better make sure you're ready for our house guest. Bella's packing right
now, incredibly slowly, I might add, and she should be ready – " she closed her eyes for a moment,
"in twenty-three minutes."

"I think everything's set. There's plenty of food in the kitchen, her bed is made, I believe the house
is at a comfortable temperature."

"Yes, the house is perfect. But are you ready?" For a split second, I saw Bella sitting on the bed,
looking up at me expectantly. There was a longing in her eyes, though I couldn't think of anything
she would want that I'd be unwilling to give her.

The only think I'd refused her was that I be the one to change her myself, and technically, I wasn't
refusing so much as agreeing, conditionally. And truth be told, even if she never said yes to my
proposal, when that day came and Carlisle stepped up to fulfill his promise to change her, if she still
wanted it to be me, I couldn't imagine telling her no. Anything and everything I have to give, I'd
give to Bella, whether she decided to be my wife or not.

"Alice, I know you don't like to share things that you think could alter the future – "

"Which is why I've gotten very good at singing all my favorite songs backward," she grinned.
"Yes, you're very annoying. What I'm asking, though, is if you've had two conflicting visions – like
how at first you could see me either killing Bella or changing her – then don't you think it's only fair
to let me see both possibilities? You're not guiding the future, you're just – "

"Good-bye, Edward," she chirped, flitting out the door and down the steps before I had time to stop
her.

"Perfect," I muttered. All I'd wanted to know was if I had a shred of hope, if the idea of saying yes
had ever even crossed Bella's mind. It didn't have to be the only future Alice saw, but I'd like to
know it was one of the possible outcomes. I just didn't know how I would have the courage to ask
Bella again – and ask her theright way this time – unless I knew she was at least considering saying
yes.

With one final glance at the room I'd soon be sharing with Bella, I left to go get her. Hating the idea
of Bella coming home – to our home – and finding it dark and uninviting, I turned on every light as
I raced through the house. I sighed as I ran past my car, reminding myself that Bella was, in fact,
drivingme home tonight. It didn't bother me, though. Whatever made Bella more comfortable.
When I got to her house, I saw that her overnight bag was already waiting inside her truck. Alice
had been right, of course. She was ready to go. Bella flung the door open before I'd had time to
knock twice.

"Anxious?" I asked, smiling at the way her cheeks were blushing pink.

"My bag's all packed, and the truck's ready to go," she said, not really answering my question.

"Bella, you're flustered," I told her softly, brushing her hair out of her face. "This was supposed to
be a relaxing evening."

"I'm sorry. I've got a lot on my mind right now. I mean, you know that. You do, too. Of course."
Her blush deepened, and she looked down at the ground, embarrassed.

"Yes, there are a lot of things happening in our lives right now. Which is all the more reason to not
think about them for one night. Everything's taken care of. My family is hunting, getting their
strength up. The wolves are confident. There's nothing for you to worry about." Her eyes met mine,
exasperated, and I knew I was fighting a losing battle. "Okay, you're right. There are plenty of
things that you could worry about. Will it solve anything, though?"

Grumbling, she shook her head. "I guess not." I smiled my most reassuring smile, though she didn't
return it.

"For this one night," I begged, "could we try to forget everything besides just you and me? It seems
like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you." The truth of my words
shocked me, as did the desperation I heard in my own voice. I did need this night, and I realized in
that moment that I needed it every bit as much as Bella. All we'd done for so long was worry about
the newborns. Even the nights we'd spent in each other's arms had been tainted by fear of what was
to come.

It was odd, yet somehow, with the knowledge of the army's approach on the horizon, the fact that
they were closer than they'd ever been before, I could feel that tonight had the ability to bring us
peace. We knew where our enemy was, and when they would be here. There was nothing more we
could do to prepare, so for one night, there was absolutely no point in thinking about them. Fear
could be put aside for the evening, and I had every intention of making the most of it.

I walked Bella to her truck, and she smiled at me as she took her place behind the wheel. Though
she was keeping a smile on her face, I could hear in her frantic heartbeat that nervousness was still
getting the best of her. She drove more slowly than usual, her hands gripping the wheel tightly until
I reminded her to relax. She took a few deep breaths, and I felt the truck slow down even more.
Under normal circumstances, I might have given her a hard time about the pace we were traveling,
but I was determined not to rush anything tonight. There was nowhere we needed to be, nothing that
needed to get done. It was freeing, knowing that nothing but a huge, empty house was waiting for
us. If Bella wanted to take an hour to get there, I wasn't going to complain.

I couldn't help but smile as I realized that soon, Bella would be coming home with me every night.
Once she was part of my family, officially, this would be her home as well. That thought made me
more eager to reach our destination, and I was happy when I could see the lights from my house
shining through the trees. I wasted no time, and the second Bella shut the engine off, I was around
the truck and at her side. I flung her door open, anxious to have her in my arms again.
Her bag on my shoulder, I scooped her up and pressed my lips to hers. I felt her exhilaration as she
kissed me, like she'd just realized there was nothing we needed to think about but each other. Her
fingers threaded into my hair, and I needed her closer. Without thinking, I picked her up and
crushed her to my chest. Her breath caught and for a moment, I thought I'd hurt her, but the next
moment, she was hugging herself even tighter to me.

My love in my arms, I ran toward the house, nearly kicking the door in on my way. She didn't seem
to notice. She was too busy filling every one of my senses, driving me crazy in a way I probably
should have been worried about, but I couldn't make myself feel anything but joy. Bella was in my
arms, in my home, and for the first time, there was no one there except for us. No Alice trying to
sneak in a little "girl time." No Rosalie in the next room, thinking her opinion obnoxiously loudly.
No one listening, and no one to listen to. Over the years, I'd gotten so used to the constant chatter of
everyone's internal monologue, the serene quiet that filled the house only served to make the
moment that much more special. I could hear nothing but the beating of Bella's heart, and the sound
of us breathing together.

I realized after a few minutes, that we were still standing just inside the door. We had the whole
house to ourselves, and we couldn't make it past the entryway. Reluctantly, I started to pull away
from Bella, and she whimpered as my lips parted from hers. I laughed softly at her unwillingness to
end our embrace, even for a second.

"Welcome home," I said, my eyes locking with hers, completely overwhelmed by the emotion those
words evoked in me. I never thought I would share my home with anyone but my family – that I
would always be alone in my very full house.

"That sounds nice," she answered, smiling up at me warmly. I set her down, though everything in
me wanted to carry her up to my room and continue our kiss. There was something I wanted to do
first, though. I was anxious to give her the present she'd already agreed to accept.

"I have something for you," I reminded her.

"Oh?"

"Your hand-me-down, remember? You said that was allowable."

She frowned, her eyes shifting down to the floor. "Oh, that's right. I guess I did say that."

"It's up in my room. Shall I go get it?"

Something flashed in her eyes, and her reluctance about accepting my gift vanished. She twined her
fingers through mine and looked up at me from under her lashes. "Sure. Let's go."

I couldn't place exactly why, but a rush of excitement took over, and I scooped Bella up without
another thought and carried her to my room. After setting her gently down, I went to retrieve the
diamond that was one of the few ties to my past – one of the only ways I could bridge the world I'd
known with the world in which I now lived.

When I'd returned, Bella was standing somewhat shakily, and eying the bed. A moment later, she
appeared to decide something, and went to sit in the very center of the golden comforter. She
looked like she was bracing herself for something terrible. I could only hope that her aversion to
gifts would disappear when she realized that in our family, resources were virtually unlimited.

"Okay," she said, begrudgingly. "Let me have it."

I laughed at her posture, wondering what she was expecting me to give her, then joined her on the
bed. Her heart sped up as she appraised my light expression. "A hand-me-down," I repeated, just in
case she was thinking of going back on her word.

Carefully, I lifted her left arm away from her body, and could feel her pulse beating frantically as I
touched her wrist. My fingers grazed the carved wolf, though its presence wasn't bothering me at
the moment. All I could think about was attaching the diamond to her bracelet, finally being able to
share a piece of my history with Bella, the absolute embodiment of my future.

As I placed Bella's arm back at her side, I watched her eyes meet the reflection of light coming from
the diamond. I almost regretted having given it to her inside – it would have been much more
effective had it been catching the sunlight in our meadow. It was harder than usual to read her
expression, but her quiet intake of breath made a smile tug at my lips.
"It was my mother's," I said, nearly a whisper. I hadn't expected my voice to betray my emotion, so
I quickly added a shrug of indifference. "I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I've given some to
Esme and Alice both. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way."

I smiled lightly, though my half-truth felt wrong. I wanted her to know what it meant to me. I
needed her to understand that the things I'd given to my family hadn't had the significance that this
piece did. I could still see my mother's face when I looked into its facets. I could almost, almost,
remember the sound of her voice the day my father had given it to her. Someday, when Bella had
grown more accustomed to accepting the things I gave her, I would tell her the truth. For now,
though, I would be content simply to see Bella wear it.

I'd gotten lost in my memories, and it took me a minute to realize that Bella was watching me. Her
stare was somewhat apologetic, like she knew what it meant and was sorry she was taking away its
significance.

"But I thought it was a good representation," I continued quickly, grinning, so she would know I
was still enjoying myself. "It's hard and cold. And it throws rainbows in the sunlight."

Bella blinked, her eyes scrutinizing first the diamond and then me. "You forgot the most important
similarity," she whispered. "It's beautiful."

"My heart is just as silent. And it, too, is yours."

She lifted her bracelet just enough that it caught the light of one small lamp that was shining from
beside the bed. Her eyes didn't leave it as she said, "Thank you. For both."

"No, thank you," I said, finally letting out the breath I was holding. I hadn't realized how nervous I'd
been that she would refuse it. "It's a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you,
too." I grinned at her, challenging her to argue with me, but instead, she burrowed under my arms
until her head was pressed against my chest. I held her as tightly as I could without worrying about
hurting her. Every muscle in my body ached to hold her closer, crush her to me and never let go.
Soon, I reminded myself. She would only be this fragile for a little while longer. An excitement I'd
only recently started to get used to coursed through my veins at the thought of it.
"Can we discuss something?" she asked softly, bringing me back from where my mind was slowly
wandering – which was probably a very good thing. I still needed to be minding every second with
her, not letting my guard down thinking about the future, when things would be different. "I'd
appreciate it if you could begin by being open-minded," she added.

An unnamed anxiety passed through my thoughts. I thought I'd already given in on everything she'd
claimed I wasn't open-minded about – my aversion to her spending time with the wolves, my
determination to keep her human. "I'll give it my best effort," I said, careful not to make a promise I
couldn't keep.

"I'm not breaking any rules here," she added, already defensive, which didn't help to calm my
nerves. "This is strictly about you and me. So..." She drew out the word, stalling, even though she
was leading the conversation. "I was impressed by how well we were able to compromise the other
night. I was thinking I would like to apply the same principle to a different situation."

She sounded like she was trying to work out a business arrangement. The corner of my mouth
twitched into a smile. "What would you like to negotiate?" She didn't speak right away, but her
heart began racing and her breathing sped up. "Listen to your heart fly," I said softly, struggling to
get her to meet my eyes. "It's fluttering like a hummingbird's wings. Are you all right?"

"I'm great," she answered, far too quickly.

"Please go on then."

"Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition thing."

I knew she wasn't thrilled with the idea of marriage, but hearing her call it ridiculous was painful.
"It's only ridiculous to you. What about it?"

"I was wondering... is that open to negotiation?"

"I've already made the largest concession by far and away – I've agreed to take your life away
against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your part."

"No," she said firmly. "That part's a done deal. We're not discussing my... renovations right now. I
want to hammer out some other details."
I wanted to argue with her, but she was right. This discussion wasn't whether or not she was going
to be changed. That had been decided long ago, without my having more than a single, ineffectual
vote in the matter. My marriage condition was only related to me changing her myself – something
we, in actuality, both wanted. I was swiftly reminded of what an idiot I was.

I looked into Bella's eyes again, reminding myself that her transformation was imminent. With that
understanding, I had to ask, "Which details do you mean exactly?"

She paused, her cheeks flushing again. "Let's clarify your prerequisites first."

I already felt foolish for trying to coerce her into marrying me by refusing something that should
have been a given. If Bella was going to enter this life with me, why wouldn't I be the one there
with her when it began? Still, I'd begun it. There was no way I could back out now.

"You know what I want," I said.

"Matrimony," she said, her voice thick with sarcasm. I could have been upset, but at least we were
talking about it. Maybe the stars would align, and she would actually let me explain my reasoning.

"Yes," I said, then decided that if we were doing this, if we were actually trying to work out the
details, as she'd put it, she might as well know about all the things I'd like to give her. With a grin, I
added, "To start with."

"There's more?" she asked, obviously taken aback.

"Well, if you're my wife," I said, loving the sound of the word on my lips, "then what's mine is
yours... like tuition money. So there would be no problem with Dartmouth."

"Anything else?" she asked, cringing. "While you're already being absurd?"

"I wouldn't mind some time."

"No. No time. That's a deal breaker right there."

I let out a defeated sigh, though I hadn't really expected any other response. She'd been very clear
about how important the time frame was to her. While I couldn't imagine it mattering a decade from
now, or a century from now, Bella was insistent that she not be more than the year she already was
older than me. "Just a year or two?" I pressed uselessly.

She shook her head. "Move along to the next one."

"That's it. Unless you'd like to talk cars..." Bella still wasn't smiling, but I couldn't contain my grin
as I realized... we were negotiating. She was hesitant, yes, and completely uncooperative, but we
were negotiating nonetheless. Starting with my marriage proposal. If she was truly considering
saying yes to that, then I couldn't imagine anything I wouldn't give her in return.

I reached out and started idly playing with her hand, turning it over, tracing the inside of her wrist
and making her shiver. I found myself staring at the diamond that was now hanging from her
bracelet, and from there, my eyes drifted to her ring finger – the empty place I was beginning to let
myself imagine wouldn't be empty for long.

"I didn't realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster
yourself. I'm extremely curious." It was hard to hide the fear in my voice, but the weight of the
moment was heavy on me. I felt certain that I would give her anything that was in my power to
give, but was there anything she wanted that I couldn't give?

My mind started to race. The only thing I could think of was that she was having second thoughts
about leaving someone behind. Charlie, perhaps, or her mother. What if she wanted to let them in
on the secret, so that she could someday – when the bloodlust of newborn life had passed – see
them again? We could never risk their safety like that. We'd barely managed to escape the Volturi's
punishment for Bella knowing the truth, and that was only because Alice saw her becoming one of
us. A fresh wave of panic set in. Did she want us to change one of them, so she wouldn't have to say
good-bye? The thought was only fleeting – I knew Bella would never ask for something so selfish.
Still, what else could she possibly be so worried about asking of me?

I hadn't been looking at her as my thoughts had been tormenting me, and when I tried to meet her
eyes, I found that she was looking away as well. The curiosity was stifling. I was about to plead
with her to put me out of my misery, when I noticed her cheeks had returned to my favorite shade
of pink. Instinctively, my hand stretched out to touch her face, to feel the heat beneath my icy
fingertips.
"You're blushing?" I asked, my curiosity intensifying as my nerves diminished. She wasn't going to
ask me for something I couldn't give, just something she was embarrassed to ask for. Perhaps she
really did want a fancy car, or an expensive ring, and she didn't know how to admit it. When she
stayed silent, I urged softly, "Please, Bella, the suspense is painful."

Her only response was to bite her lip, and her fluttering heart only fueled my need to know. "Bella,"
I nearly begged.

"Well, I'm a little worried... about after," she said, her eyes finally meeting mine.

I felt my fists clench. She wanted to talk about those first few terrible months. Both Alice and
Carlisle had encouraged me to be upfront and honest with her. The more she knew, the more
prepared she would be. It made sense, in theory, but the idea of discussing the horror of the
transformation itself, and the gnawing, aching pain of thirst, was not something I was prepared to
talk to her about. I could barely fathom it myself, putting her through all that. I couldn't bear to
think of it, but if she wanted to know –

"What has you worried?" I asked, steeling myself to give her whatever answers she felt she needed.

"All of you just seem so convinced that the only thing I'm going to be interested in, afterward, is
slaughtering everyone in town." I shuddered as I pictured Bella, eyes blazing red, shaking with
thirst, and us trying to contain her. "And I'm afraid," she continued, "I'll be so preoccupied with the
mayhem that I won't be me anymore... and that I won't … I won't want you the same way I do now."

I relaxed slightly. If what she was worried about most was her feelings for me, at least I could
assure her that, in time, they would return. In fact, I was fairly certain they would return, multiplied.
I'd spent decades watching the way vampires love – completely, passionately. When you'd found
your mate, not just for one lifetime, but for all eternity, everything was amplified. I was actually
looking forward to Bella finally understanding exactly how much I loved her, lived for her. My
existence would be nothing without her, and I hoped that joining the immortal world would make
her see that more clearly.

"Bella, that part doesn't last forever," I promised.

"Edward," she said, sounding frustrated, likely doubting me, though I should be proof enough that
the bloodlust doesn't dominate forever. "There's something that I want to do before I'm not human
anymore."

I watched her, waiting for the big revelation, the something she wanted to do that she was afraid to
ask me for. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt certain I should already know. Like this was
the punchline to a joke everyone knew but me.

Bella sat there, face redder than I'd ever seen it. "Whatever you want," I told her.

"Do you promise?" she asked, eyes still not meeting mine.

That should have been the warning bell going off in my mind, but, fool in love that I was, I
answered, "Yes. Tell me what you want, and you can have it."

She was staring intently at me now, looking more frightened than I'd ever seen her, and I'd certainly
given her reason to be frightened before. I was baffled, even as she muttered, "You."

"I'm yours," I said, smiling until she turned away from me.

I was about to reach out to lift her chin so her eyes would meet mine again, but the next thing I
knew, Bella was shifting her weight. She knelt in front of me, a surge of determination suddenly
taking over her face and replacing the blush that had colored it moments before. Her arms were
around my neck, her lips pressed firmly against mine, and my thoughts were gone. There was an
urgency to her kiss that I'd never felt from her before, a need and a desire that I'd experienced, but
had worked very hard to push away.

I knew it frustrated Bella that I only gave her a small fraction of what I was feeling, but there was
no other way to keep her safe. If I let myself go the way I wanted to with her, the monster inside
might reemerge and take over. I'd long ago put my thirst aside, banished it for fear that it would take
my beloved away from me. I thought I'd lost her once, and I'd be damned before I lost her again.

Every kiss was a whisper of what I wanted to give, what I wanted to feel. Every touch was tainted
by the restraint that was necessary to keep her alive. I could have grabbed hold of her and never let
go, but for fear of suffocating her. I wanted to feel more, to feel everything that you're supposed to
feel when you're with the one you love, but I couldn't. I wouldn't.

But Bella was kissing me wildly, and my insides were screaming, begging to feel more, to no
longer be suppressed. Her lips were frantic, passionate against mine, and I felt cheated that I
couldn't let myself relax and give in. I felt like I was cheating her by not being able to give more. I
thought she was giving up, her frustration and disappointment with me too much to take, when she
released me from her hold. I was almost relieved as my head started to clear – I'd been too far gone
for my own liking. Then her lips were on mine again, still urgent, still pleading, and I felt her
burning fingertips trail down my neck. My head still in a fog, I didn't realize what she was doing.
The gesture was unfamiliar to me. Unfamiliar and ludicrous. Why, when I was as cold as ice, would
she be trying to take my shirt off? Then I froze.

Bella. Was. Taking. My. Shirt. Off.

"Be reasonable, Bella," I said, pushing her away as gently as I could manage, give the
circumstances.

"You promised – whatever I wanted." Even she knew that wasn't going to change anything. At
least, I thought she knew.

"We're not having this discussion." I hated that my voice sounded so scathing, but I knew as I
buttoned my shirt back up that the anger was only at myself, for having allowed it to go on that
long. I should have realized. I shouldn't have let her think I we – that I –

My thoughts jumbled as I took in Bella's expression and saw that it was absolute fury. "I say we
are," she snapped. Then, to my utter shock, she started trying to take her shirt off.

I didn't know what else to say, so I held her hands at her sides, stopping her from going any further,
and repeated, "I say we're not."

Oddly enough, this felt like the most stubborn and juvenile conversation we'd ever had with each
other. We are, we are not. It might have been amusing, except Bella was glaring at me like I was the
cruelest person on Earth.
"You wanted to know," she finally muttered, a strange mix of irritation and disappointment.

"I thought it would be something faintly realistic."

"So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing you want – like getting married – but I'm not
allowed to even discuss what I – "

I couldn't listen anymore. I couldn't hear her tell me that the only thing in the world she wanted was
the one thing I couldn't give her. I held both her hands in mine and gently placed my hand over her
mouth. "No," I said firmly, though my voice must have conveyed my desperation. Thankfully, she
didn't say another word. She stopped trying to unbutton my shirt, and hers, though I sensed we were
far from finished discussing this. I sighed, tilting her chin up toward my face so she would look at
me. "What now?"

"Nothing," she said, scowling.

When I looked into her eyes, all I expected to find was anger. That was fine, I deserved it – anger I
could take – which was what made it so agonizing when I saw something I wasn't expecting. I
couldn't put my finger on the emotion bubbling just under the surface, but there were tears filling
her eyes, and the blush was returning to her cheeks.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" I asked, bewildered.

"No," she nearly spat. Her eyes shifted down again, and I could see it was taking a great deal of
effort not to let the tears spill over. I would never get used to the fact that she didn't seem to know
how much I wanted her, in every possible way. Just because I couldn't yet show her exactly how
much, I felt it. Of course I felt it. She was everything. In one motion, I pulled Bella to me, pressing
her cheek against my shoulder and softly grazing my fingers across the soft skin of her flushed
cheeks. How she could ever doubt me, I didn't know, but I hoped the small gesture would comfort
her and at least partly fix whatever damage I had done.

"You know why I have to say no," I whispered. "You know that I want you, too."

"Do you?" she argued.

"Of course I do, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl." It occurred to me then that it wasn't just my
desire for her she was doubting – she'd never understood why every boy at school seemed to take an
immediate interest in her, why they were fighting for her attention, why they all hated me. I
laughed, though I didn't particularly like thinking about the number of people who'd been furious
when Bella had taken me back after my long absence. Still, I wanted Bella to understand, and to get
over this absurdly inaccurate way she regarded herself.

"Doesn't everyone?" I continued. "I feel like there's a line behind me, jockeying for position,
waiting for me to make a big enough mistake... You're too desirable for your own good."

"Who's being silly now?" Her voice was still shaky, frustrated, and completely disbelieving.

"Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe? Shall I tell you whose names would be
on the top of the list? You know a few of them, but some might surprise you." Classmates she
barely spoke to, a boy whose name she didn't even know who'd once been paired up with her in
gym. Though I'd appreciated his looking out for her, he was almost as annoying as Mike Newton,
trying his hand at chivalry in an attempt to keep Bella from getting hurt.

Bella shook her head, clearly not interested in her would-be suitors. "You're just trying to distract
me. Let's get back to the subject. Tell me if I have anything wrong. Your demands are marriage,"
she said, shuddering, "paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn't mind if my vehicle went a
little faster." Finally, she lifted her eyes to look at mine. I was very happy to see she was no longer
crying. "Did I get everything? That's a hefty list."

"Only the first is a demand," I reminded her. I felt myself beaming once again, as I sensed her
wavering – considering it. "The others are merely requests."

"And my lone, solitary little demand is – "

"Demand?" I repeated the word, wondering how we'd gone from discussing the impossible, to Bella
demanding it of me. What was it going to take to convince her I could never let myself risk her
safety in such a way?
"Yes, demand," she said, all her nerves seemingly gone. I scrutinized her face, trying to figure out
where her sudden confidence had come from. "Getting married is a stretch for me. I'm not giving in
unless I get something in return."

So there it was. Bella would marry me, but only if I agreed to put her life in danger first. Perhaps
this was all my fault. I'd always wanted Bella to have nothing but confidence in me and my ability
to keep her safe. I had no doubt she knew I could stop any dangers that were coming from outside
sources, that I would do anything and everything to keep her from ever feeling even the slightest
pain again. I loved that she trusted me, but she seemed to be under the delusion that I could trust
myself if I let my guard down, and that was not the case.

Every moment we were together, I was guarded. If Bella and I were together, truly together in every
way, I could only begin to imagine how quickly my mind would forget to be careful with her. If all
my senses were taken over by desire, and a kind of hunger that was completely new to me, how
could she expect me to control my strength, and – though it pained me to even think of what I'd
worked so hard to silence – my thirst?

"No," I whispered, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt my own voice shake slightly. I
only hoped Bella hadn't noticed. I tried to infuse my next words with more finality. "It's not possible
now. Later, when you're less breakable. Be patient, Bella."

"But that's the problem. It won't be the same when I'm less breakable. I won't be the same! I don't
know who I'll be then."

"You'll still be Bella."

"If I'm so far gone that I'd want to kill Charlie – that I'd drink Jacob's blood or Angela's if I got the
chance – how can that be true?"

"It will pass. And I doubt you'll want to drink the dog's blood." I cringed, imagining ever being so
desperate with thirst that any of us would stoop to that level. I'd sooner take Bella up on her offer to
move to Antarctica and feed on penguins. "Even as a newborn, you'll have better taste than that."
I'd expected Bella to either smile, or be upset with me for making light of things, but I'd
underestimated her determination. "But that will always be what I want most, won't it?" she
challenged. "Blood, blood, and more blood!"

There was a time when I would have agreed with her, but because of Bella, I'd learned that there
was a force even more powerful than thirst. "The fact that you are still alive is proof that that is not
true."

"Over eighty years later," she said, almost pouting. As if the idea of having to wait so long to want
me again was unthinkable. In a way, it was flattering. Nevertheless, I wished she could understand
that her concept of time was slightly skewed. Things were different when you could see forever
stretched out in front of you. The early newborn years were a single grain of sand on an endless
beach.

I was about to speak, to argue my case, but something in her expression stopped me in my tracks.
There was such desperation, such longing, I lost my words. "What I meant was physically, though,"
she whispered. Somehow, her tone was still pleading. "Intellectually, I know I'll be able to be
myself... after a while. But just purely physically – I will always be thirsty, more than anything
else."

In her eyes, behind the look of affection I loved so much, I could see her desire for me. I saw what
I'd never believed I could have – someone who loved me enough to trust me with their heart, body,
and soul. And I wanted to give her everything in return. My heart she knew she had. My soul, if I
still had one, was hers long ago as well. There was only one thing she was asking of me, and I still
wasn't sure I could give it to her.

"So I will be different," she said flatly, misreading my silence. "Because right now, physically,
there's nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen. Intellectually, I have my
priorities in a slightly more sensible order. But physically..."

I'd barely noticed that through everything we'd been discussing, we hadn't moved a single inch. My
fingers were still resting against her cheek, and in one quick motion, she turned her face so her lips
were against my palm. Her warm breath saturated my skin, and I felt my insides twist into
inexplicable knots. It was such a simple gesture, nothing particularly out of the ordinary, but
somehow, it felt entirely new – new and wonderful. Instinctively, I wanted to weave my fingers into
her hair and pull her closer. Unfortunately, that only made me more aware of the inherent problem
with what Bella was asking. Every step we took forward from this point on would be new, and
every new sensation made me feel less and less in control.

I took a deep breath and tried to remind myself that no matter what we wanted, Bella's safety was
the only thing that really mattered. "Bella, I could kill you," I said. I wished my voice had sounded
steadier.

"I don't think you could."

Bella's stubbornness was exactly what I needed to get my head back to where it needed to be. I'd
spent so long trying to earn her trust, but in this one thing, I couldn't let her forget for a second what
I was capable of. Without breaking her gaze, I reached behind me and pulled one of the metal
flowers from the bed. As easily as if it were a real flower, I clasped my fingers around it and
crumbled it into ash. Anger flashed in Bella's eyes.

"That's not what I meant. I already know how strong you are. You didn't have to break the
furniture."

"What did you mean then?" I searched her face for any trace of the fear that should be there if she
really understood what she was asking of me.

"Obviously not that you aren't physically able to hurt me, if you wanted to..." she explained. "More
that, you don't want to hurt me... so much so that I don't think that you ever could."

I instantly started shaking my head, ready to deny her, but to a certain extent, she was right. I'd
never explained it to her in those exact words, but the agony I'd felt when I'd believed she was dead
was like nothing I'd ever experienced. I would have rather taken the fires of my transformation a
thousand times over than to feel that again. Since then, the thirst I once thought unquenchable had
all but disappeared, and any time I began to feel it, my thoughts quickly reminded me of why I was
denying what I wanted physically. Nothing was as important as protecting Bella, especially not my
own selfish desires.
Which brought us right back to the subject at hand. I hated myself for having considered, even for a
split second, giving in. "It might not work like that, Bella," I protested, as much to myself and to
her.

"Might," she repeated back to me, picking out perfectly the trace of doubt, and throwing it back at
me – taunting me. I was standing my ground, though, ready to fight for Bella's safety, even when
she was not.

"Exactly. Do you imagine I would ever take that kind of risk with you?"

Bella was watching me with calculating eyes, like she was trying to read behind my words. I hoped
she wasn't still doubting my reasons for saying no. She had to know that refusing her in anything
was not easy for me.

"Please," she whispered. "It's all I want. Please." Bella shut her eyes, absolutely desolate. I no
longer knew whether or not she was aware of exactly how deeply she was shaking my resolve. All I
could think of as I watched her desolate expression was that Bella was asking me for one last
human experience – one that she would only ask of me, even if it meant her life was on the line –
and I was finding it increasingly difficult to refuse her.

A moment passed and the only sound in the room was our syncopated breathing. Her eyes opened
slowly, and she again whispered, "Please?"

I took a deep breath to steady myself, rummaging through my list of reasons not to take such a
foolish chance with Bella's safety. It was hard enough to kiss her, to touch her face, to hold her in
my arms, without momentarily forgetting my own strength. How could I expect to keep myself in
check if all my senses were filled with her? To be with her, so adoring yet so vulnerable – what if I
couldn't stop myself from needing to be closer, to hold her tighter?

No. No. I felt weak, and disgusted with myself. It was positively deplorable that we were even still
discussing this. It wasn't a possibility. Not until she was changed. As my last ounce of resolve
managed to resurface, Bella said the thing that, deep down, I'd known all along would defeat me.

"You don't have to make any guarantees. If it doesn't work out right, well, then that's that. Just let us
try... only try. And I'll give you what you want. I'll marry you."
I was certain she was still talking – maybe she was listing off more things she'd be willing to
concede on if I gave her this one wish. I couldn't hear a word, though. All I'd heard was, I'll marry
you.

And then, please.

In a moment of cruel irony, I forgot my strength, and crushed Bella to me. If I hurt her, she didn't
complain. I truly was a monster.

"This is unbearable," I whispered in her ear. "So many things I've wanted to give you – and this is
what you decide to demand. Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you
plead with me this way?"

"Then don't refuse." Her voice was so sure, so absolutely confident that this could work, I found I
didn't have it in me to argue anymore. "Please," she whispered again, but it was unnecessary. I was
already too far gone.

"Bella..." I sighed, brushing my lips across her perfect skin, breathing in her scent until everything
inside me ached. I could feel her pressing herself closer to me, and I tried with every last shred of
conscious thought to attempt to be gentle with her. She certainly wasn't making it easy, as her lips
found mine with a tortured desperation. She was still trying to get me to give in, and all I wanted
was to give her everything she desired. I reached up to hold her face in my hands, returning her kiss
with all the fervor she was showing me. It was new, and agonizing, and amazing – and I couldn't
stop.

An unbidden guest, thirst raked violently at my throat, and the pain I'd tried to escape was making
up for its long absence by screaming at me louder than ever. Yet I felt no urge to give in. I felt a
small victory as I realized we'd been right about that aspect – my need to protect her would keep the
monster at bay. I would never be able to guarantee that I wouldn't accidentally hold her too tightly,
or kiss her with too much enthusiasm, but my thirst, at least, still appeared to be in control.

With a new sense of confidence, I smiled as Bella wrapped her arms around my neck, her blazing
hot lips caressing my skin as she trembled in my arms. When her lips momentarily parted from
mine, I saw that her cheeks were red – flushed with excitement, rather than her usual nervousness or
embarrassment. While Bella caught her breath, I scattered kisses across her heated skin, down her
neck and across her collarbone. She sighed in contentment as her hands reached down to the buttons
of my shirt.

Before I knew it, my shirt was open, and Bella's fingertips were tracing delicate lines on my chest.
Not accustomed to the sensation, I was surprised when something almost like a shiver raced
through my veins. I felt physically weak for the first time in my very long second life, and I was
like a puppet in Bella's hands as she pulled my mouth back to hers. I was barely aware of how
tightly I was holding on as I tugged on her waist, pressing her closer. I felt her reach up to her own
shirt, and she began fumbling with the buttons.

Without thinking, I opened my eyes and my gaze caught her left hand. The empty spot on her ring
finger reminded me of exactly how we'd gotten to this place. Bella had agreed to marry me. Marry
me. The words rang in my ears, and I was blindsided as it occurred to me that I hadn't even gotten to
ask her properly. All this time, I'd been so focused on finding the right words, saying them in the
right place at the right time. Now, somehow I was an engaged man who'd still never gotten to really
propose. It had all happened so quickly, and I felt my body tense as I realized I'd gone about this all
wrong. Everything we were doing was going about things all wrong.

In the first moment of clarity I'd felt since Bella had pressed her lips to mine, I remembered where I
was, and when it was. Bella might have convinced me that it would be possible to try, but there was
something else that needed to happen first. I wasn't sure Bella would understand – I didn't even
know where to begin – but I knew that I wanted to be married to Bella before we went any further.

"Bella," I said softly, my lips to her ear. "Would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?"

"Do you want to do that part?" she asked breathlessly.

"Not tonight." I kissed her cheek lightly. I didn't want her to be disappointed, but we just couldn't –
at least not yet.

"Edward, don't – " The pained desperation was back in her voice, so I spoke quickly, unable to
stand hearing her sadness for another second.

"I'm not saying no. I'm just saying not tonight."

I counted three deep breaths before she spoke again. "Give me one good reason why tonight is not
as good as any other night."

"I wasn't born yesterday," I said, laughing a little as the tension of the moment dissipated slightly.
"Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want?" I'd
already been so close to giving in, so close to forgetting everything about the way it should be. I
didn't want Bella to see how unsettling that fact was to me, though, so I attempted to keep things
light. After all, we were still working out the details of our compromise. This time frame, like
everything else, should be up for discussion.

"You just promised to marry me before you do any changing," I said, unsuccessfully trying to hide
my smile as I said the words, "but if I give in tonight, what guarantee do I have that you won't go
running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am – clearly – much less reluctant to give you what you
want. Therefore... you first."

She let out an exasperated sigh. "I have to marry you first?"

"That's the deal – take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?" Then, without another word, I picked
up where we'd left off before I'd come to my senses, only this time, I was thinking more clearly. I
was aware of every shallow breath Bella was taking, and completely conscious of the way her heart
was racing as she tangled her fingers in my hair. I almost laughed at myself for not realizing what
she was trying to ask of me earlier.

"I think that's a really bad idea," she whispered, her voice shaking.

"I'm not surprised you feel that way," I answering, grinning. "You have a one-track mind."

"How did this happen? I thought I was holding my own tonight – for once – and now, all of a
sudden – "

"You're engaged." I couldn't stop the word from tumbling out of my lips. I'd waited so long to say
it.

"Ew! Please don't say that out loud."

"Are you going back on your word?" I asked, though her flushed skin made me fairly confident she
wasn't. Her heart was racing, and she there was an excitement and a passion in her eyes I'd rarely, if
ever, seen. "Are you?" I repeated.

"Ugh! No. I'm not. Are you happy now?"

I'd never felt more ecstatic or more alive. I may not have gotten my romantic proposal, but the fact
remained – Bella was going to be my wife. "Exceptionally," I said, my heart feeling like it would
somehow find a way to beat again, just to show her how happy she'd made me.

My elation was put on hold as Bella groaned again, and I knew none of this meant anything if it
wasn't what she wanted. "Aren't you happy at all?" I asked her, then kissed her, trying to infuse it
with all of my joy and excitement. Please, please, be happy, was all I could think.

When my mouth finally parted from hers, I could taste adrenaline in her breath. "A little bit," she
admitted, eyes still shut, her tongue unconsciously tracing her lower lip. "But not about getting
married," she added, her eyes opening to find me smiling at her again. Her stubbornness was as
adorable as usual, and I found myself kissing her again.

"Do you get the feeling that everything is backward?" I whispered, my lips moving to her ear. I
loved listening to her racing heartbeat as my cool breath washed over her. "Traditionally, shouldn't
you be arguing my side, and I yours?"

"There isn't much that's traditional about you and me."

"True," I agreed, finding it hard to keep myself from kissing her more. Then I remembered, with a
rush of enthusiasm, that she was my bride-to-be. I didn't have to stop kissing her. Ever. My fingers
traced down her side, raising goosebumps all over her skin. She sighed as my lips scattered kisses
across her cheeks, down her throat, to the base of her neck. I inhaled deeply, my nose skimming
lightly from one side of her collarbone to the other. It was agony, and it was perfection, and I
relished the burn it elicited because it was so completely and extraordinarily Bella – and she was
mine.

"Look, Edward," she gasped when my lips moved to the palm of her hand. "I said I would marry
you, and I will. I promise. I swear. If you want, I'll sign a contract in my own blood."
"Not funny," I muttered, my nose moving to her wrist, where her scent was even more potent. Some
might call it masochism, but I couldn't stop myself. Somehow, knowing she was ready to bind
herself to me in every way made me that much more desperate to memorize everything about her
now, so I could take it all with me after she was changed. We would always have this first life
together, and I wanted to be able to tell her everything about it when it was nothing more than a
distant human memory to her.

"What I'm saying is this – I'm not going to trick you or anything. You know me better than that. So
there's really no reason to wait. We're completely alone – how often does that happen? – and you've
provided this very large and comfortable bed..."

"Not tonight," I repeated.

"Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

With a look of confusion, Bella pushed me away and stared into my eyes. She could see that there
was more than I was saying – but how could I explain it right? People today might call it an old-
fashioned idea, but to me, it was such a simple idea. If you were lucky enough to find the person
that made life worth living, then you wanted to promise them forever. Marriage meant, "I love you,
and I will never want anything more than to share my life with you." Then, after you'd made that
promise to your love, in front of everyone who mattered in your life, you would seal that promise
by giving yourself to them – completely, joyfully, and without a trace of fear.

"Then what's the problem?" she pressed. "It's not like you didn't know you were going to win in the
end. You always win," she added glumly.

"Just hedging my bets." I waited, knowing she wouldn't leave it at that, and tried to think of how to
best explain it. A hundred years of differences seemed to be staring me in the face. I knew why it
couldn't be tonight, but would she understand?

"There's something else," she said, scrutinizing my face. "Are you planning to go back on your
word?"
"No," I promised. She'd already given me a taste of what she wanted – of what I wanted as well.
And she'd agreed to marry me. There was no going back. Even against my better judgment, I'd
made her a vow of my own. "I swear to you, we will try. After you marry me."

She shook her head and laughed under her breath, the strangest expression on her face, and I
wondered if she'd just put the pieces together. "You make me feel like a villain in a melodrama –
twirling my mustache while I try to steal some poor girl's virtue."

I think she was expecting me to laugh along with her, but, although I didn't particularly like her
comparing herself to a seedy villain, the analogy was close enough to the truth. Not quite ready to
say the words out loud, I resumed what seemed to be a relatively decent distraction – kissing her
collarbone.

"That's it, isn't it?" she gasped, undeterred. "You're trying to protect your virtue!" Her eyes widened
with shock as her hands reached up to cover her mouth. I could see she was biting back laughter. It
wasn't exactly the reaction I'd been expecting.

"No, silly girl," I said, still kissing her shoulder. "I'm trying to protect yours. And you're making it
shockingly difficult."

"Of all the ridiculous – "

"Let me ask you something," I said, interrupting her. If we were going to have this discussion, I was
not going to let it start with her calling it ridiculous. I may have been brought up in a different time,
but that did not make my beliefs ridiculous – all it meant was that I was trying to hold onto at least
some of who I used to be. "We've had this discussion before, but humor me. How many people in
this room have a soul? A shot at heaven, or whatever there is after this life?"

"Two," she answered without hesitation. It was quite nearly enough to make even me a believer.

"All right. Maybe that's true," I conceded. "Now, there's a world full of dissension about this, but
the vast majority seem to think that there are some rules that have to be followed."

"Vampire rules aren't enough for you? You want to worry about the human ones, too?"
"It couldn't hurt," I said, shrugging. I'd been human once, and Bella was human for a little while
longer. If Bella and Carlisle ended up being right about our souls, it seemed only right that we
should try to follow whatever human rules we could. "Just in case," I added, smiling, though Bella
only glared back at me. "Now, of course, it might be too late for me, even if you are right about my
soul."

"No, it isn't," she said sharply. Her faith in me was unshakable.

"'Thou shalt not kill' is commonly accepted by most major belief systems. And I've killed a lot of
people, Bella."

"Only the bad ones."

"Maybe that counts, maybe it doesn't. But you haven't killed anyone – "

"That you know about," she mumbled, and I smiled, remembering the way she'd once talked about
wanting to run over Tyler with her truck after he'd told everyone he was taking her to the prom.

"And I'm going to do my best to keep you out of temptation's way," I continued.

"Okay. But we weren't fighting over committing murder."

"The same principle applies – the only difference is that this is the one area in which I'm just as
spotless as you are. Can't I leave one rule unbroken?"

"One?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"You know that I've stolen, I've lied, I've coveted... my virtue is all I have left." I smirked, daring
her to argue with me. Shouldn't she want to help me keep at least one area of my life unspotted?

"I lie all the time," she argued.

"Yes, but you're such a bad liar that it doesn't really count. No one believes you."

"I really hope you're wrong about that – because otherwise Charlie is about to burst through the
door with a loaded gun."
I thought about all the times I'd heard traces of doubt or wariness in Charlie's thoughts, but every
time, he seemed to talk himself out of whatever was bothering him. He trusted Bella, to the point
that it often made me feel guilty about keeping so much from him. Of course, there would always
be things about our world we could never tell Charlie, but at least after Bella and I were married, he
would know that she'd chosen me, and we would never have to hide in order to be together.

"Charlie is happier when he pretends to swallow your stories. He'd rather lie to himself than look
too closely." I almost added that in the brief time I'd spent with her mother, I'd seen she was the
same way, but I was sure Bella already knew.

"But what did you ever covet?" she asked, still watching me with a hint of confusion. "You have
everything."

"I coveted you. I had no right to want you – but I reached out and took you anyway." There were
times I still couldn't shake the guilt of having taken Bella out of the world where she rightfully
belonged, but with her sitting next to me, talking about our future together so calmly, everything
just fit so perfectly. How could she belong anywhere else? Of course, her still heated skin and
racing heart also helped cement the idea that we belonged together. It had taken me so long to get
used to the idea that someone as fragile and perfect as Bella could ever want to be with a monster
like me, the notion that we were discussing her wanting more seemed almost absurd. I smiled, my
voice teasing. "And now look what's become of you! Trying to seduce a vampire."

"You can covet what's already yours," Bella said, her tone absolutely matter of fact. I was still
trying to get used to the idea that she considered herself mine long before I allowed myself to
believe it. "Besides, I thought it was my virtue you were worried about."

"It is. If it's too late for me... Well, I'll be damned – no pun intended – if I'll let them keep you out,
too."

"You can't make me go somewhere you won't be," she protested. "That's my definition of hell.
Anyway, I have an easy solution to all this; let's never die, all right?"

"Sounds simple enough. Why didn't I think of that?" I smiled as I let her words sink in. Very soon, I
wouldn't have to fear for her safety anymore. We would be married, and we would have eternity
stretched out before us. For the first time in my second life, the concept of forever felt like a gift.
We'd gotten so far off track from where our discussion had started, I wondered what was going
through Bella's mind. A few seconds later, she let out a frustrated breath.

"So that's it. You won't sleep with me until we're married."

I almost rolled my eyes at her. We'd spoken of marriage and souls, heaven and hell, yet her mind
was still very firmly on picking up where I'd stopped her.

"Technically, I can't ever sleep with you," I teased.

"Very mature, Edward."

"But, other than that detail, yes, you've got it right."

"I think you have an ulterior motive," she said, accusing.

"Another one?"

"You know this will speed things up."

Surprisingly, I hadn't even thought of it. Bella had said she would marry me, and that was all that
mattered at the moment. Now that she'd said it, however, I was wishing I could whisk her away and
make my vows tonight.

"There is only one thing I want to speed up, and the rest can wait forever... but for that, it's true,
your impatient human hormones are my most powerful ally at this point."

"I can't believe I'm going along with this. When I think of Charlie... and Renee! Can you imagine
what Angela will think? Or Jessica? Ugh. I can hear the gossip now."

I looked at her, silently posing the question I didn't quite have the heart to ask aloud. How could she
possibly be worried about what her friends would think of her getting married when she had no
plans to ever see any of them again? I quickly reminded myself that not caring what anyone thinks
is an art that had taken me and my family decades to learn. It made sense that Bella would be
worried about appearances – it was a very human reaction, and she was, for the time being, still
human.
"It doesn't have to be a big production. I don't need any fanfare. You won't have to tell anyone or
make any changes. We'll go to Vegas – you can wear old jeans and we'll go to the chapel with the
drive-through window. I just want it to be official – that you belong to me and no one else."

"It couldn't be any more official than it already is," she protested.

"We'll see about that." I sincerely hoped that when we did make it official, Bella would stop feeling
like marriage was just a piece of paper. I wanted her to feel the power that came with the irrefutable
knowledge that we'd vowed to love only each other – that for all eternity, there would never be
anything we would want more than to be together. I wanted to believe that her trepidation over the
whole concept of marriage truly did have to do with appearances, and that when she was standing
beside me, making her vows, she would do so with joy in her heart and love in her eyes.

I spoke my next words carefully, and without a great deal of hope. For all my planning and longing,
I still hadn't gotten to actually propose, so I asked, "I suppose you don't want your ring now?"

Her eyes widened nervously, and her heart skipped a beat. "You suppose correctly."

I couldn't help but laugh at my Bella – how many times had I said she feared all the wrong things?
"That's fine. I'll get it on your finger soon enough."

Her eyes narrowed. "You talk like you already have one."

"I do," I said, grinning as I pictured my mother's ring on her hand, then added casually, "Ready to
force upon you at the first sign of weakness."

"You're unbelievable."

"Do you want to see it?" I asked, realizing that just because she wasn't ready to wear it, didn't mean
I couldn't share it with her. Unfortunately, my excitement was quickly shot down.

"No!" she shrieked, managing to further crush my hope that she might someday actually want to
wear it. My face must have betrayed my disappointment, and she added, halfheartedly, "Unless you
really want to show it to me."
"That's all right. It can wait." Maybe, if Bella's impatience didn't send us running off to Vegas, I
would have another opportunity to present it to her properly.

She let out a sigh. "Show me the damn ring, Edward." Clearly, she was determined to ruin
everything about this moment for me.

"No," I said flatly, shaking my head. I heard a tiny voice in the back of my mind, calling me a fool.
Why was I so excited? She'd only agreed to marry me because she wanted something I wasn't
willing to give her without it. She didn't like the idea of having to tell her friends or her family. She
didn't want to see the ring that meant so much to me – that I so desperately wanted her to have.
She'd told me I always win, but if it was all a game to her, could I really call it a victory?

Bella must have seen something in my eyes – something I didn't know how to say out loud –
because her expression softened. "Please?" she asked, and I exhaled in disbelief. She was just trying
to appease me, I reminded myself. Then, she lifted her hand and brushed her fingers across my
cheeks. The tenderness of the gesture was so far from the tense, unyielding posture she'd shown me
throughout our whole exchange, I was left baffled. "Please can I see it?" she asked.

I stared into her eyes, searching for any trace of the fear that I knew still lurked behind them, but
came up short. She'd managed to push it completely away in her attempt to make me happy. I knew
it wasn't what she wanted, I knew it wouldn't mean to her what it meant to me. Yet I couldn't stop
myself. She was asking to see the ring that now belonged to her, and I could not refuse.

"You are the most dangerous creature I've ever met," I complained, moving quickly to retrieve the
ring from where it had been sitting, waiting – relentlessly reminding me of its presence. I sat down
beside her, not having the heart to look at her if she cringed when she opened it. I put my arm
around Bella – my safe harbor, the only one I would ever want – and placed the small box on her
knee.

"Go ahead and look, then," I said, hating that I could hear the bitterness in my own voice. This
should have been a different moment, one filled with roses and candles and music. Why had I let
her coerce me like this?

Holding my breath, I watched as she touched the box lightly, examining it before she opened it.
"You didn't spend a lot of money, did you? Lie to me, if you did."
I should have known she would be worried about accepting anything I'd spent money on, and I
breathed a short sigh of relief that there was at least one concern I could alleviate. "I didn't spend
anything. It's just another hand-me-down. This is the ring my father gave to my mother."

"Oh," she said. As I felt her relax slightly, I allowed myself a bit of excitement again. Her fingers
were resting on the lid now, and in her hesitation, I saw another opportunity. It occurred to me that
it was the ring's significance that was making her wary, and if I could lighten the mood again,
perhaps she would be able to relax even further and actually enjoy seeing it for the first time.

"I suppose it's a little outdated. Old-fashioned, just like me. I can get you something more modern.
Something from Tiffany's?" I teased.

Blushing just enough to make my heart soar, she said, "I like old-fashioned things," and then
opened the box to reveal my mother's ring. There was a long pause and neither of us spoke or
breathed – the silence was heavy around us. I finally found my courage enough to look at Bella's
face, and I nearly pulled her into my arms when I saw one side of her mouth curled into a smile. My
muscles ached as I forced myself to stay still. She touched the ring like it was made of glass, and
whispered, "It's so pretty."

"Do you like it?" I asked, my voice thick with emotion that I was completely and utterly unable to
hide.

"It's beautiful. What's not to like?" she said, shrugging lightly, but this time, she couldn't convince
me. I'd seen the ring's reflection in her glassy eyes. All joking aside, she knew what it meant, and
even if she wasn't ready to let me place it on her finger, she knew it belonged to her now, and
always.

"See if it fits," I said, unable to resist the urge to see her wearing it, even if only briefly. Her hand
clenched and I saw the hesitation return to her eyes. "Bella, I'm not going to solder it to your finger.
Just try it on so I can see if it needs to be sized. Then you can take it right off."

"Fine," she sighed. She started to reach for the ring, but there was no way I was letting her put it on
herself. I'd gone about everything else so wrong, there was one thing I was determined to get right. I
hadn't been able to say the words I'd practiced, Bella hadn't accepted graciously or with any
particular amount of enthusiasm, she wouldn't let me even speak the word engaged – but I was
going to place this ring on her finger.

I heard her take a deep breath in as I slid my mother's ring onto her finger, and when it was in place,
I lifted Bella's hand so we could both look at it. If there had ever been a moment I'd been desperate
to read her mind, this would have been it.

"A perfect fit," I breathed, trying once again to keep my voice casual. Anything I could do to stop
her from ripping it off her finger that very second. I wasn't ready yet. "That's nice," I continued.
"Saves me a trip to the jeweler's."

I couldn't take my eyes off of it, though I could feel Bella had turned to stare at me. It really was
perfect, like it was meant to be hers. I'm sure it must seem like the most insignificant of details –
we'd certainly proved in far more concrete ways that we belonged together – but I couldn't help the
intense joy of knowing that nothing about the ring would have to be altered. If Bella would let me, I
could leave it there forever.

"You like that, don't you?" she finally asked, moving her hand just slightly so that the dim lights in
the room caught every gemstone.

My casual tone was threatening to break away and reveal everything I was feeling, but I fought
against it. "Sure," I said, shrugging. "It looks very nice on you."

I think if I'd kept staring at the ring, if I'd resisted the urge to look into the eyes of the woman who
would soon be my wife, I could have kept up the pretense a little while longer. Instead, though, I
turned to Bella, and when my gaze met hers, I could see our entire future in her eyes. Without fear, I
saw her eyes turning golden, her skin becoming pale. I could almost feel what it would be like to
touch her skin and not feel the heat I'd grown so accustomed to. I saw Bella, my wife, standing
alongside my family. I saw her in the sunlight, skin like diamonds, holding my hand and laughing at
some shared secret.

The next thing I knew, my fingers were twined with hers and my lips were moving against her lips
as best I could manage through the smile that could no longer be contained. I kissed her nose, her
eyelids, then down her cheek until my mouth was at her ear, whispering, "Yes, I like it. You have
no idea."
Miraculously, my exuberance appeared to have alleviated whatever concerns she still had, and she
laughed the most beautiful of laughs. "I believe you."

I wasn't sure whether it was the sound of her laughter, or the sudden but definite joy in her eyes, or
the crystal clear visions of what our life together would soon be, but I knew then that I was never
going to have another moment as perfect as this to, officially, ask for her hand.

"Do you mind if I do something?" I asked, hugging her tightly, not sure if I'd be able to let go long
enough to do this right.

"Anything you want." She must have been as unwilling as I was to end our embrace, because when
I let go, she muttered, "Anything but that."

A look of surprise and confusion crossed Bella's face when I pulled her off the bed with me.
Considering all that had just transpired, I found it difficult to believe she didn't know what I was
doing, although it did make it more enjoyable. I placed my hands on her shoulders, needing to
steady myself as much as her.

"Now, I want to do this right. Please, please, keep in mind that you've already agreed to this, and
don't ruin it for me."

Understanding flickered as I dropped to one knee. "Oh, no," she said.

"Be nice," I pleaded. She must have seen the desperation in my eyes because she took a deep
breath.

"Isabella Swan? I promise to love you forever – every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"

My hundred years of existence didn't feel as long at that single moment, and no word that had ever
been uttered sounded as beautiful as Bella's answer.

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes glowing and adoring.

I didn't know what else to say, so I answered, "Thank you." She'd given me everything. Happiness I
didn't think was possible, love I knew I didn't deserve – a friend, a partner, a reason to exist. I kissed
each of her fingers before kissing the ring that had been meant for her all along. "Thank you," I
tried to whisper again, but nothing came out. For the first time in my long life, emotion had
rendered me speechless.
 Trails

It was a different world when Bella woke up the next morning. Although she'd taken off her ring
and returned it to me with an uncomfortable half-smile, the fact still remained – Bella was going to
be my wife. I hadn't deluded myself into thinking that she was as excited about it as I was, but I
considered it a small victory that in her dreams, at least, it seemed she wasn't entirely opposed to the
idea.

She had reluctantly fallen asleep as a storm raged outside, and within minutes, she was muttering,
"won't understand," and "what do I say?" I smiled and ran my fingers through her hair, happy that I
was finally starting to understand her fears.

"It isn't about them, my love," I whispered, letting my lips gently touch her ear. She shivered, and I
couldn't help but remember a time not so long ago when she slept without knowing I was with her.
I'd barely dared to touch her skin for fear of waking her, and kept myself silent except for the
occasional humming of her lullaby to ease her nightmares. Everything had changed the day she'd let
me into her life. Now, as I spoke softly, she hugged herself tightly to me and listened, even if only
in her subconscious.

"There's nothing else but you and me. I love you, forever, and you've made me happier than I ever
thought was possible. Don't worry, Bella. I'm going to spend the rest of my existence making sure
you want for nothing."

She sighed, a smile twitching at her lips, and the words, "I love you" came so clearly, I thought
she'd woken up. Then she ducked her head into the crook of my arm and fell into a deeper sleep. It
wasn't until the storm outside subsided and the faintest glimmer of sunlight hit the walls of my room
that she spoke again.

"I see you," she said softly. "Waiting for me." I couldn't explain it – I had no reason to let myself
hope – but I felt certain in that moment that she was dreaming of our wedding day. She sighed
again and mumbled, "too many flowers,," and I laughed quietly. Now even surer than before of
what my Bella was dreaming, I had to play along, just for a few minutes.
"My beautiful bride," I whispered. Even in her sleep, I felt her cringe at the word, but a few seconds
later, she relaxed again and nuzzled closer to me.

"Not so bad," she breathed, her chin lifting up toward me until I could see her eyelids fluttering.
"Forever is good," was the last thing I heard before she fell silent again. I spent the rest of the
morning staring at her with a smile on my face. When she awoke, squinting as she always did when
there was light pouring in, I kissed each of her cheeks before touching my lips to hers. She giggled
and laced her fingers together behind my neck. Somehow, I felt younger, newer – like I'd been
given a fresh start. It was euphoria, and it was all because of her. I wished I could have reveled in
the feeling for a while longer, but as the sun was replaced with clouds and the storm picked up
again, I could feel her nerves creeping back in.

"You probably need a few human minutes," I said lightly, and she nodded, her eyes not leaving
mine. The way she was watching me was almost calculating, like she was trying to figure out some
mystery. "I'll make you breakfast," I added, closing the door behind me and hoping some time alone
would clear her thoughts.

I stepped into the kitchen and began looking through cupboards. Carlisle kept the house well
stocked, not only for Bella, but to keep up appearances. He enjoyed shopping, explaining that it
made him feel more normal, and there were many local food banks that were kept in good supply as
he endlessly rotated items. He used to keep only the basics, but when Bella had started visiting
more frequently, he began paying attention to her favorites. Now I found that I had a wide array of
choices, and didn't know where to begin. I must have still been staring at my options when I heard
Bella's footsteps behind me.

"You don't need to make me anything fancy. I'm happy with cereal."

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. What would you like this morning?"

She shrugged, smiling as she closed the distance between us. Then she stood on her tiptoes and
pulled me down to kiss her. "You," she said, grinning as she released me.

"I'm yours. Always."

I'd said it with nothing but sincerity, but she inexplicably rolled her eyes. I might have questioned it,
but instead was just relieved that she appeared to be relaxed again. She tried to pour herself a bowl
of cereal, but I stopped her and motioned for her to sit down.

"I told you, I'm making breakfast, even if all you want is cereal."

"Stubborn," she said, though she was smiling.

"You know, one of these days I'm going to start watching the Food Network. I'll shock you by
making something truly delicious."

"I can't wait."

I brought the bowl to her, then toasted some bread. When I sat beside her, she twined her fingers
with mine and watched me with that same calculating expression. I didn't have the heart to ask what
it was about. If she was worried about the fight, there was nothing more I could say to ease her
mind. If she was doubting whether she really wanted to marry me, I couldn't bear to hear it. So we
sat together, hand in hand, her staring at me, and me trying to simply enjoy the moment for what it
was – the first of many mornings spent together in our home.

When my family was a few miles away, I began to hear their mental chatter. Carlisle was pleased
with the trip, but wary of what now lay before us. Esme was her usual, pensive self, concerned for
her family, but wonderfully optimistic. Jasper and Emmett were anxious to start the fight, and Rose
was ready for it to be over. It was Alice I heard last, and she seemed to be the only one not thinking
about the fight. Knowing I would be listening, she wasted no time voicing her disapproval.

This is so unfair, and you know it. I only get to do this once, and you're trying to take it all away
from me.

It only took me a second to understand what she was referring to, and I didn't want to admit how
much it hurt. Of course Alice would have seen Bella running off to Vegas, because that was the
only way Bella could imagine actually marrying me. I knew it had been my suggestion, but I
couldn't help wishing for something a bit more traditional. Besides, it might not be for decades, or
even centuries, but someday, I believed Bella would wish we'd had a real wedding.
I have the perfect dress, and it's just going to go to waste.

The indignation in her tone momentarily pushed my disappointment aside. I almost laughed when I
realized I wasn't sure whether Alice was talking about her dress, or the one she'd already designed
for Bella. Somehow, Alice was under the impression that this wedding was about her. It almost
made me want to run away to Vegas.

"My family is almost home," I told Bella. Then I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it. "I had a
lovely evening with you. I can't wait for this to officially be your home, too."

She smiled as a beautiful blush colored her cheeks, and I kissed her again. Time had passed too
quickly, and I wasn't ready to let go of the peace we'd found. The noise of the voices I always heard,
as well as the ticking clock that reminded me how close we were to battle, felt deafening. I kissed
Bella harder, trying to keep everything else out, but far too soon, I had to let her go. When my
family came through the door, their faces were sober yet determined.

Alice was the first one inside, and her eyes were seething. I didn't tell them yet. I thought it would
be nice to be able to announce a real wedding, not this farce you two seem so set on. I rolled my
eyes, trying my best to ignore her as the rest of my family joined us.

"Welcome home," I said in a tone that sounded too formal.

"Thank you," Carlisle said. "We've prepared as best we can. There is nothing left to do now but
wait."

"Well, almost nothing," I reminded him.

"Of course." He turned toward Bella then, his voice gentle and kindness in his eyes. "It seems you
have a bit of a hike ahead of you."

"From what I hear, I don't really have to worry about the hiking part. I'm more like – along for the
ride."

"Yes, that's probably true," he agreed, laughing lightly before turning back to me. "I take it you're
all prepared?"
"Just about. There are a few more things to gather, then we'll be meeting Jacob."

Alice scowled, wrinkling her nose. "I think – " she said, sneering, "that you're going to want to pack
for cold weather, Edward. I can't see where you are exactly, because you're taking off with that dog
this afternoon. But the storm that's coming seems particularly bad in that general area."

I nodded, figuring as much. The brief moments of sunlight this morning hadn't changed the fact that
thick clouds were rolling in, and the wind hadn't let up. It was going to be cold, and I knew no
matter how prepared we were, it was going to be a miserable night for Bella.

"It's going to snow on the mountains," she added. And you'd better pack a first aid kit, she added
silently. It doesn't take psychic to know that Bella plus ice will equal the need for bandages.

I ignored Alice's snide remark. Although I had packed the first aid kit.

"Ew, snow," Bella said.

"Wear a jacket," Alice said coldly. Don't worry, I won't try to pick it out for you or anything.

I tried to hide my smile of amusement, but Alice scowled at me. As long as she didn't say anything
to Bella, I didn't mind hearing her internal irritation. Whatever Bella decided was fine, and I would
do my best to hide whatever disappointment I might feel if she did end up marrying me in Vegas,
wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I wouldn't let her feel any more pressure than she already did.

The next hour was spent finishing packing and making sure we were ready for the night ahead. I'd
gathered all our camping equipment that never got used, and tried to think of things to help Bella
stay warm through the impending storm. We had a down sleeping bag and a few extra blankets. I
suggested buying more at Newton's, but Bella assured me I was already over-prepared. Her face
crumpled in disgust as I put dehydrated food in the backpack, but it made the most sense. I silently
vowed to learn how to make her a gourmet meal when this was all over.

Alice joined us in the garage and continued her mental tirade, and I just kept packing, not wanting
Bella to know anything was wrong.
This is all your fault, really. You're the one insisting on getting married before you change her.
She'll be so much happier once she's one of us, I'm sure she'd let me give her a proper wedding.
And you say Bella is stubborn.

I continued ignoring Alice, content that she seemed more upset with me than with Bella. When I
felt certain I had everything we needed, I handed Bella my phone. "Why don't you call Jacob and
tell him we'll be ready for him in an hour or so. He knows where to meet us."

Jacob wasn't home, but we both knew it wouldn't take Billy long to get the message to him. The
wolves' mental connection was an extremely useful tool. As Bella finished talking with Billy, I
focused my attention on Alice. She was looking wistful, and from the little she was allowing me to
hear, it sounded like she was practicing what she wanted to say to Bella to make her change her
mind.

"Alice," I growled quietly, my eyes darting toward Bella. She was too engrossed her conversation to
notice anything.

"What?" Alice mouthed innocently. She deserves to know how I feel. I am her sister after all.
Besides, I don't know what your problem is. You want a big, beautiful wedding, right? With your
family there. Think of Carlisle and Esme. Bella probably hasn't even thought about all the people
she'll be disappointing. Maybe if I can make her see that, we'll all get what we want.

Everyone except Bella, that is. I looked at her, nothing but love and concern in her eyes as she
talked to Billy. It didn't matter what I wanted, or what Alice wanted. If Bella wanted a ten-minute
ceremony without anyone else present, that would be enough for me. More than enough, because it
would mean she was mine and I was hers.

I turned back to Alice, glaring, and shook my head. "Don't make her feel guilty," I whispered.

I'm not. I'm just going to make sure she's thought through all her options.

I was about to argue further, but I felt Bella handing the phone back to me. "Bill said to tell you
'good luck,' " she said.
"That was generous of him." I gave Alice one last pleading look before I turned away, but she was
wasting no time.

"Bella, could I please speak to you alone?" she asked.

"You're about to make my life harder than it needs to be, Alice. I'd really rather you didn't."

"This isn't about you, Edward," she snapped, and I couldn't help but laugh. How foolish of me to
think my wedding was about me.

"It's not," Alice repeated. "This is a female thing."

I glared at her, but Bella said, "Let her talk to me."

"You asked for it," I said, shaking my head. As I walked past Alice, I muttered, "This is all on you
now. I take no responsibility."

She giggled and clapped her hands as I shut the door behind me. I probably should have let them
talk in private – or as private as any conversation can be in our house – but I needed to hear Bella's
response first-hand, rather than through Alice's thoughts. If she agreed to go along with Alice's
elaborate plans, I wanted to make sure it was for the right reasons, and not because she was feeling
guilty. She didn't owe any of us anything more than the love and trust she'd already shown time and
again.

I waited outside while Alice said all the things I wished she wouldn't say.

"Don't you love me?" she pleaded. "Please, Bella, please – if you really love me . . . Please let me
do your wedding."I almost ran back into the garage when I heard, "I'll bet Edward would like it
better if you did this traditionally, though he'd never tell you that," but I couldn't make myself stop
her. She was right, on both counts. It was what I wanted, and I wouldn't ever tell Bella how much it
meant to me.

"Please?" Alice repeated, over and over.

"I'll never, never ever forgive you for this, Alice," Bella said, defeated.
Then, through Alice's eyes, I saw the wedding Alice had been planning so long. The dress she'd
designed for Bella – one that belonged in a different century, my century – and Bella, radiant and
perfect, descending our staircase with flowers in her hair.

"Yay!" Alice shouted, breaking me away from the vision too soon.

"That's not a yes!" Bella argued.

"But it will be," she chirped.

"Edward!" Bella yelled, and my momentary happiness at seeing everything I'd longed for
disappeared. "I know you're listening. Get over here." The dismay I heard in her voice reminded me
that she was my first priority, her happiness the only that that mattered. Clearly Alice had no such
concerns, as she clapped giddily behind Bella.

"Thanks so much, Alice," I said coldly. When Bella's eyes met mine, they were red and glassy, like
she was nearly crying. How could Alice have kept pressuring her when it was upsetting her so
much? Bella threw her arms around my neck and squeezed with all her strength.

"Vegas," I reminded her, wishing we had time to go right now, so all this would be done with.

"Not a chance," Alice said. "Bella would never do that to me. You know, Edward, as a brother, you
are sometimes a disappointment."

"Don't be mean," Bella chided. "He's trying to make me happy, unlike you."

"I'm trying to make you happy, too, Bella. It's just that I know better what will make you happy . . .
in the long run. You'll thank me for this. Maybe not for fifty years, but definitely someday."

"I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be willing to take a bet against you, Alice, but it has
arrived."

She laughed lightly, the whole situation amusing her now that she saw it going the way she wanted.
"So, are you going to show me the ring?"
Before either Bella or I could stop her, she grabbed Bella's hand, scrutinized the place where her
ring should be, then dropped it. "Huh. I saw him put it on you . . . Did I miss something?" She
closed her eyes for a moment, a sea of wedding images filling her mind once more. I tried to remind
myself it wasn't what Bella wanted, but it was hard to believe when Alice could see it all so clearly.
In every vision, Bella was positively beaming. "No. Wedding's still on," she said, her eyes focusing
on Bella's empty ring finger again.

"Bella has issues with jewelry," I said casually, not wanting Bella to feel bad. She could wear it
whenever she was ready.

"What's one more diamond? Well, I guess the ring has lots of diamonds, but my point is that he's
already got one on – "

"Enough, Alice!" I snarled. From the corner of my eye, I could see Bella's mouth open in surprise. I
couldn't tell whether it was because she'd understood what Alice had meant or because of the way
I'd just snapped. I quickly regained composure and said quietly, "We're in a hurry."

"I don't understand. What's this about diamonds?" Bella asked.

"We'll talk about it later," Alice said, and I shot her a glace that said, we will not be talking about
this later, which she promptly ignored. "Edward is right – you'd better get going. You've got to set a
trap and make camp before the storm comes."

Though her thoughts were filled with uncertainty due to the wolves' presence, Alice began seeing
visions of snow clouds rolling in. She saw Bella shivering, miserable as she wrapped her arms
around her chest. Of course there would be nothing I could do for her – I was as icy as the snow that
would be falling around her. The best I could do was pack for the weather, and get her inside the
tent before the worst of the storm hit.

"Don't forget your coat, Bella," Alice told her, her eyes flickering to mine for a split second. "It
seems . . . unseasonably cold."

"I've already got it," I promised.

Such a horrible night for her to be up there, she thought dismally, though she smiled at Bella and
told her, "Have a nice night."

When Alice had left, Bella looked at me expectantly. "Are are ready for this?" she asked in a
whisper.

"As ready as I can be, given the circumstances. You'll be in the safest place possible, far away from
the fight – but first we need to make sure the newborns are crazy with your scent."

"If that's all I can do to help – " she said, looking down, almost embarrassed.

"It's perfect. It's exactly what we need to make sure they follow the path we want them to."

She smiled reluctantly and leaned down to pick up her backpack. Before her fingers could touch it,
however, it was over my shoulders and she was in my arms. Her smile grew wider as she lifted her
chin up to kiss me. A moment later, we were flying through the trees. I took a different, longer route
than our usual one, careful not to let her scent drift anywhere near the path she would be taking
later. When we reached the clearing, I set her down, reveling for a moment in the way her fingers
gripped my collar, not wanting to let go. I gave her a reassuring look as I released her, hoping she
knew I would always rather keep her in my arms.

"All right," I said. "Just walk north for a ways, touching as much as you can. Alice gave me a clear
picture of their path, and it won't take long for us to intersect it."

"North?" she repeated, and I smiled as I motioned in the direction. She walked slowly and
determinedly, touching trees, rocks, the grass – everything in her path. Every few steps, she would
glance in my direction, and I nodded encouragingly. I could already picture the frenzied eyes of the
newborns when they caught the scent they'd been obsessed with. I was proud of her strength, and
her desire to help in whatever way possible, but still, it was difficult – almost painful – to think of
the newborns tracking her that way. It reminded me too much of another tracker who had almost
cost me my reason for existing.

"Am I doing this right?" she asked, her hands tracing a path along a fallen, moss-covered tree.

"Perfectly," I assured her.

Her face lit up as she called, "Will this help?" Then I watched in fascination as she pulled our
several hairs and left them trailing across a row of ferns.

"Yes, that does make the trail stronger. But you don't need to pull your hair out, Bella. It will be
fine."

"I've for a few extras I can spare," she said. Her mood had gotten so much brighter, I didn't argue
with her any further.

Bella continued her slow walk through the brush, tracing branches with her fingers and leaving
hairs wherever she thought the wind wouldn't carry them away. Though I could tell she was still
happy with the progress she was making and the help she was able to offer, something in her
expression was off. Her eyes were distant and unfocused, and something told me it wasn't concern
about the fight that was troubling her.

"You don't need to let Alice have her way, you know," I offered, and the slight jump of her heart
told me I'd guessed right.

"Don't worry about it, Edward," she said, trying to sound nonchalant. "I'm not going to leave you at
the altar, regardless."

"That's not what I'm worried about," I promised. "I want this to be what you want it to be."

Bella took a deep breath, and I could hear the words she wouldn't utter. None of this was what she
wanted, but, as always, she would go along with whatever would make everyone else happy. I
wanted to tell her that the moment the fight was over, she and I would disappear. We'd go
somewhere, anywhere, as long as we were together. We could get married on some far away island
and she wouldn't have to tell a soul. I wanted to make her happy – but I also wanted everything
Alice had seen.

I wanted Bella in a beautiful gown, with flowers in her hair and all around her. I wanted her parents
there to see her joy, because, although they would never know the magnitude of what choosing me
– of choosing this life – meant, they should know that their daughter was marrying someone who
loves her more than anything. I wanted them to know I would always take care of her. I wanted
Esme and Carlise to witness the moment when Bella would officially join our family, and to
welcome her with open arms. I wanted to shout to the world that, although I deserved none of it, I
was getting everything I could ever ask for and more.

I wanted it all, but because I loved Bella more than my own life, I admitted none of it.

"Well," I said, infusing my tone with as much casual indifference as I could muster, "even if she
does get her way, we can keep it small. Just us. Emmett can get a clerical license off the Internet."

She laughed, and I knew with even more certainty that the only thing I cared about was making her
happy. "That does sound better," she said.

"See. There's always a compromise."

I watched as she continued making a trail, and it wasn't long before I could hear Jacob's thoughts in
the distance. I was surprised to hear him thinking about the night ahead as much as I was. He was
planning on staying with us so we could communicate with the rest of the group, and Seth would
take his place just before the fight. I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but I was glad he was giving Seth
the chance to rest tonight. I wanted Seth at his best tomorrow, since he was our only connection to
the fight.

Jacob wasn't far, and would be at the clearing shortly. He was running in his wolf form, but had
decided to arrive human. Though he was surprised and delighted at the easy way Bella appeared to
accept him as a wolf, he'd never really gotten over the fear that he would scare her. He kept waiting
for her to be frightened at the monster he was. I laughed under my breath, because for once, I
understood exactly how he felt.

When we arrived at the place Alice saw as our most advantageous position for the fight, Bella made
one last circle, touching everything in her path, and then we began the return trip. I tried to let Bella
lead – oddly enough, she seemed to be almost enjoying herself – but a few times, I could tell she
was feeling lost. Once she saw the place where we'd begun our journey, her pace sped up, and I was
about to remind her to be careful, but I was too late. Before I had time to catch her, Bella was in a
heap on the ground. I smelled her blood instantly.

"Ouch!" she called out, then mumbled, "oh, fabulous."

"Are you all right?"I asked without moving. It only took a moment to realize that I was hesitating
more out of habit than any other reason, and I felt a wave of relief.

"I'm fine. Stay where you are," she answered quickly. "I'm bleeding. It will stop in a minute."

I felt triumphant as I flew to her side, grateful that I could finally help her instead of having to hold
my breath and shy away. "I've got a first aid kid," I told her, reaching into the backpack. "I had a
feeling I might need it."

"It's not bad. I can take care of it – you don't have to make yourself uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable," I promised, ecstatic that it was the truth. "Here – let me clean it."

"Wait a second, I just got another idea," she said, her eyes lighting up in with a strange excitement
as she pressed her bleeding palm against a rock.

"What are you doing?"

"Jasper will love this," she said, hurrying to touch everything she could. "I'll bet this really gets
them going."

She misread my sigh and looked at me apologetically. "Hold your breath," she suggested.

"I'm fine. I just think you're going overboard."

"This is all I get to do. I want to do a good job."

I remembered with far too much clarity how quickly Jasper had lost control when she'd shed only a
few small drops of blood. This much was sure to leave the newborns crazed and unable to think
about anything but finding her – which made me more than a little apprehensive. Though I hated
how she would have to get there, I was grateful in that moment that Jacob's stench would be
covering her trail to our location.

"Well, you have," I told her, attempting a smile. "The newborns will be frantic, and Jasper will be
very impressed with your dedication. Now let me treat you hand – you've gotten the cut dirty."
"Let me do it, please."

I smiled as I took her hand, and felt a surge of pride as I was able to say with total confidence, "This
doesn't bother me anymore."

She watched me quizzically as I tended to her wound, and I felt my grin widen. I knew my instinct
to protect her had grown exponentially stronger after I thought I'd lost her, and I found that in the
times when I did feel some twinges of blood lust, it was almost immediately replaced by fear that I
could somehow hurt her. I'd felt how greatly things had changed, yet in this circumstance, with her
all but flaunting her blood – which still sang to me like no other – it was a very satisfying feeling to
know there wasn't even a hint of temptation.

Her palm was clean, and as I finished wrapping the bandage around it when she finally asked, "Why
not?"

Not sure how best to describe it – after all, it should be an impossibility – I simply shrugged. "I got
over it."

"You . . . got over it?" she gasped. "When? How?"

As much as I hated to think about that dark day, the longest of my endless life, I owed her the best
explanation I could manage. I thought back to how it had felt – the moment when I'd first learned
what Alice had seen, and then when Jacob said the words that seemingly confirmed my worst fears.
I felt almost numb as I remembered how my vision had clouded and my heart sank. There was an
emptiness within me I'd never felt, and I could think of nothing other than, I can't exist without her.

When she came to me again, when she'd saved me in every way, it was almost enough to make me
believe I still had a soul. Something far beyond my body or my mind was reaching out to her,
embracing her. I felt a shift in the essence of my being, and it changed everything about the way I
viewed the world. I'd been granted a reprieve, a second chance I shouldn't have been allowed, and
what came of it was more than my simply making another vow to protect Bella.

All of the deplorable instincts I'd fought for so long shut down. I was thirstier than I'd ever been,
having nearly starved myself in the weeks before, yet I felt no ache or burn when she was wrapped
in my arms. There was only joy. And when the burn did return, as always it must, I silenced it with
a vehemence that came from somewhere in my subconscious. My need to protect her from
everything, including myself, had taken on a life of its own.

"I lived through an entire twenty-four hours thinking that you were dead, Bella. That changed the
way I look at a lot of things."

"Did it change the way I smell to you?" she asked, still confused.

"Not at all. But . . . having experienced the way it feels to think I've lost you... my reactions have
changed. My entire being shies away from any course that could inspire that kind of pain again."

I wasn't sure if I was explaining it right, but her expression conveyed something close to gratitude.
Truly, I was grateful above all else, so I hoped that meant she understood. "I guess that you could
call it a very educational experience."

She looked like she wanted to say more, but the wind picked up and I saw her shiver. I retrieved her
heavier jacket and helped her into it. "All right. You've done your part. Now it's out of our hands.
Let's go camping!"

She laughed at my sarcasm, and I gently took her hand in mine, wishing we had just a few more
minutes together before I had to leave her in Jacob's care. I'd been carefully tuning him out since I'd
first heard his approach, but at the sight of us together, his internal monologue grew too loud to
ignore.

For him thinking he's such a great protector, she sure does get hurt a lot, he thought icily, staring at
her bandaged hand.

"Where are we meeting Jacob?" Bella asked, not having spotted him yet.

"Right here."

Jacob stepped slowly out from the trees until he was in full view. Don't know why I bothered, he
thought, irritated as he bunched up the jacket he carried. Of course the psychic knew it was going to
be cold. Should have just left it in the forest.
It would never cease to amaze me, Jacob's ability to get caught up on such petty things as whose
jacket Bella would wear, when there was so many more important things going on. His juvenile
concerns did not make me feel confident about the important task he was about to take on.

"There had to have been a better way to do this."

"Too late now," Bella sighed, squeezing my hand. Then she put on her best smile, one that I
recognized as taking a great deal of effort. "Hey, Jake," she said casually.

"Hi, Bella."

"Hello, Jacob," I said calmly.

Yeah, whatever. "Where do I take her?"

I took out the map showing our destination, and handed it to Jacob. "We're here now," I said,
gesturing to our location. Jacob recoiled, staring at my hand in disgust, like vampirism was a
disease he could catch. I didn't give him the satisfaction of a response. "And you're taking her up
here," I explained, tracing the route to the top. "Roughly nine miles."

Outwardly, Jacob nodded, the picture of compliance, but I could hear fleeting thoughts of taking
Bella somewhere else entirely so he could protect her. If it weren't for his compulsive need to fight
and destroy, I might have worried he would act on the notion.

"When you're about a mile away, you should cross my path. That will lead you in. Do you need the
map?"

Jacob glanced at me for a split second and I knew he could tell by my tone that I'd heard what he
was considering. "No, thanks," he said flatly. "I know this area pretty well. I think I know where I'm
going." I'm not going to kidnap her. I wouldn't miss this fight for anything.

"I'll take a longer route. And I'll see you in a few hours." Then I turned to Bella and tried to find the
courage to leave. I didn't want her with Jacob, even knowing he would bring her safely to me. Our
enemies were so close now, it seemed wrong for us not to be together.
"See you," she said softly, and I knew I had no choice. We needed Jacob's stench to cover up the
trail. I left without another word, fearing that I might say something to make Bella feel badly. This
was our only option, and I wouldn't let her worry about how much it was upsetting me.

I ran as fast as I could, determined not to listen in on their conversation. The farther away I was, the
harder it was to hear Jacob's thoughts. For the first few miles, I filled my mind with everything from
foreign languages, to songs, to poetry. As I struggled to keep everything around me out, I started to
laugh – this must be what Alice felt like when trying to block me from reading her mind.

When I was far enough away, I let my thoughts clear and was happy to find my mind silent. I tried
to enjoy it, but the quiet didn't feel nearly as peaceful as it had the night before, when Bella had
been beside me. Now, the sounds of the trees rustling and the wind around me, just reminded me
that I was alone.

It was amazing how much the world had changed since finding Bella. There was a time when I
would have given anything to retreat to a silent sanctuary like that, to get away from the chatter and
the internal angst of everyone around me. Now, all I wanted was to be with Bella, and wherever she
wanted us to spend our life, whatever she wanted to do, that was fine. I would go to Alaska to help
her avoid temptation. I would endure decade after decade of repeating high school or college or
anything else that made her happy. Though I had to admit, a few years alone together in some
remote location, away from humans, and even my family – simply away – that had possibilities.

It was dangerous to let my imagination get away from me when there was so much at stake over the
next twenty-four hours. I continued in my hurried pace until I reached the place we would be setting
up the camp site. The chill in the air was getting harder to ignore, and as the wind started to pick up,
I could see the snow beginning to fall. I set up the tent, then secured it until I was certain wild
grizzlies couldn't knock it down. Perhaps I'd gone a bit overboard, but only time would tell how
violent the elements would be tonight, and I preferred to err on the side of caution.

In my struggled not to think about where Jacob and Bella were, and what they were talking about, I
let my thoughts drift somewhere I'd purposely been ignoring – the fight. My family wasn't upset by
my decision to stay with Bella, and they were no less certain of a victory than they'd been when I
was planning to fight with them. Still, it didn't make the choice any easier. Although I felt confident
things would all go as planned, there was something nagging at the back of my mind, almost as if
we were missing something extraordinarily obvious that would change everything. Perhaps it was
the simple fact that, while I was grateful for the connection Seth would be able to give us to the
pack, I never imagined I would be watching the fight helplessly, through the eyes of a wolf.

I didn't know how long I'd let my mind wander, but sooner than I'd expected, I could hear Jacob's
thoughts.

Just give it a rest, Bella. Please, not now. This is so not something I wanted to be talking about
today.

I'd made such an effort not to listen in, but curiosity started to get the better of me. I had to know
what Bella was discussing that would make him so frustrated.

"Well, if it's about the lineage . . . shouldn't you be the chief, then?" Bella was asking. Jacob then
proceeded to talk around the fact that he had, in fact, shirked responsibility, and let Sam take his
place as leader of the pack.

I supposed I had no right to judge – it was a huge responsibility, one that I'm not sure I would ever
have stepped up to. I often thought about what Carlisle did for our family, the decisions he made,
and I don't know whether I would have had that kind of strength. Sam had many of the same
obligations, teaching the new wolves what he knew and helping them transition. He also had the
overwhelming responsibility of making certain orders irrefutable. It would be a difficult thing to do
– deciding when it was best to command with that kind of authority, not to leave anything to
chance.

I tried to ignore the remainder of Bella and Jacob's conversation, but it was impossible not to hear
the air of wonderment in Bella's voice when she tried out the words, "Chief Jacob." I busied myself
with checking the tent for probably the dozenth time, then took to pacing. There was nothing left for
me to do, and with the snow blustering around me, all I could think about was getting Bella under
shelter. Just when I thought I wouldn't be able to stand the wait any longer, I heard Jacob's
footsteps.

"Bella!" I cried when they stepped into sight, and I flew to her side. Jacob muttered something, his
thoughts even more impolite than what he was letting show on his face, but I couldn't bring myself
to care. My arms wound tightly around Bella, and the world was right again.
"Thank you," I said, looking at Jacob, unable to feel anything but gratitude. "That was quicker than
I expected, and I truly appreciate it."

It wasn't for your benefit, he thought, shrugging absently. "Get her inside. This is going to be bad –
my hair's standing up on my scalp. Is that tent secure?"

"I all but welded it to the rock."

"Good." Jacob lifted his eyes to the storm, breathing it in as if he could feel exactly how rough this
was going to get.

I'm sure you already know I'm staying tonight, since you never seem to be able to stay out of my
head. I don't like it any more than you, but you need to be able to stay in touch with everyone.
Speaking of which –

"I'm going to change," he said, looking only at Bella. "I want to know what's going on back home."

He walked away, muttering things I would never repeat to Bella. I looked at her in time to see the
forlorn expression she quickly tried to hide, and though she'd never say it to me, I knew what she
wanted.

He'd never agree to it like I had, and quite possibly, she would never ask, but I knew Bella wanted
Jacob to stay out of the fight too