1

00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,042

(SURRENDER PLAYING)
2
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,380
Mother told me
3
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,740
Yes, she told me
4
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,820
That I'd meet girls like you
5
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,460
She also told me
6
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:31,043
Stay away
You'll never know what you'll catch
7
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,206
(TIRES SCREECHING)
8
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,740
Cooper, it's open.
9
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:37,780
It's open?
10
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:38,927
Come on!
11
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,165
It's supposed to be awesome.
12
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,660
- COOPER: Thank you.
- Hey, give me back my quarters, you hoser!
13
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,125
Mom!
14
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,860
They just seem a little weird
15
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:56,740

Surrender, surrender
16
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:02,370
But don't give yourself away
17
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,900
Whatever happened to all this season's
18
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,082
Losers of the year?
19
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,900
Every time I got to thinking
20
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,340
Where'd they disappear?
21
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,540
But when I woke up, Mom and Dad
22
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:42,140
Are rolling on the couch
23
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,241
Damn.
24
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:45,441
What?
25
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:48,721
I suck.
26
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,980
Mommy's all right, daddy's all right
27
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:56,700
They just seem a little weird
28
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:57,801
COOPER: Wow, Sam.
29
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:02,380
How are you so good at this?
You've never even played it before.
30

00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,606

I don't know.
31
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,887
There's a pattern to how they're moving.
Watch.
32
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,645
I don't see it, but you sure as hell do.
33
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,126
Away
34
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,700
Surrender, surrender
35
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,700
But don't give yourself away
36
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,660
Surrender, surrender
37
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,860
But don't give yourself away
38
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,487
- Use the Force. Use the Force.
- (MECHANICAL HAND WHIRRING)
39
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,642
(CHEERING)
40
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:50,880
BRENNER: Hey, Chewie.
41
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,500
COOPER: You're a superstar, dude.
42
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,409
And it's time to show the world.
43
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,100
Surrender
44
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,900
But don't give yourself away

45
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,322
Surrender, surrender
46
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:07,220
But don't give yourself away
47
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:08,860
MAN: (ON PA SYSTEM)
Attention, all contestants.
48
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,566
The competition will start
in 15 minutes.
49
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,122
You too? That's so funny.
50
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,881
Really?
51
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,084
I think you're pretty darn
foxy yourself.
52
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,922
Lady Lisa, I'll love you
till the end of time.
53
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,980
- Who are you talking to?
- Nobody!
54
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,140
(SOFTLY) We'll talk later.
55
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,580
You're Ludlow Lamonsoff,
the Wonder Kid, right?
56
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,900
Who told you that? The government?
57
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,368
'Cause I'm this close to figuring out
the secret of the Bermuda Triangle.

58
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:43,940
Wow, you don't have any friends, do you?
59
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,610
Just my grandma.
60
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,081
Yoo-hoo!
61
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,281
Well, Wonder Kid,
you can hang out with us.
62
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,051
- Really?
- (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
63
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,460
What's up, geeks and goobers?
64
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,900
They call me the Fire Blaster!
65
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,940
'Cause my hands are blazing fast,
66
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:07,364
and also I will blast and burn
all my competitors' weak-ass moves.
67
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,580
You must be the local talent.
68
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,241
If this was a fugly contest,
I'd be in trouble.
69
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,620
At least we didn't make up
our own nicknames, Fire Blaster.
70
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,740
Who cares who came up with it?
71
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,740
It's totally tubular.

72
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:29,460
Welcome, gamers, to the first annual
73
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,100
Worldwide Video Arcade Championships!
74
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,620
(CHEERING)
75
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:38,980
Tonight, we have representatives here
from the Guinness Book of World Records,
76
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:42,460
as well as NASA, the National Aeronautics
and Space Administration,
77
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,980
who will be videotaping
tonight's competition
78
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:49,369
to be included in a compilation of 1982's
news events and popular culture.
79
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,060
That videotape will be placed
in a space probe
80
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,220
which will be launched by NASA
into our solar system
81
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:59,380
with the hope of connecting to,
and perhaps providing a message for
82
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,450
extraterrestrial life, should it exist.
83
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:03,900
Oh, it exists.
84
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,100
Ladies and gentlemen,

85
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,249
start your gaming!
86
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,531
(GAME BEEPING)
87
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,801
(CONTROLLER CLICKING)
88
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,660
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
what an evening we have had here.
89
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,420
Six new US records set.
90
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,980
- Three new world records set.
- Oh, yeah.
91
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:34,580
And, as the smoke clears,
right now we have a tie.
92
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,523
- Two hundred and fifty-nine points
- (CHEERING)
93
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,380
for your new Pac-Man world champion.
94
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,767
The Fire Blaster, Eddie Plant!
95
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,340
- (CHEERING)
- GIRL: Go, Fire Blaster!
96
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,220
And 259 points
97
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:49,980
for your new Galaga Centipede
world champion, rookie sensation,
98
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,730

Sam Brenner!
99
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,369
- (CHEERING)
- Yeah, Sam!
100
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,740
Well, gentlemen,
how 'bout we break this tie.
101
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:00,860
Let's play
102
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,281
Donkey Kong!
103
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,700
- Good luck, man.
- Thanks.
104
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,041
You have the patterns down pretty good
with these games.
105
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,764
You're gonna be tough to beat.
106
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:16,681
(COIN DROPS)
107
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,970
(WE WILL ROCK YOU VONLICHTEN PLAYING)
108
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,140
Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
109
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,340
Playing in the street
gonna be a big man some day
110
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,980
You got mud on your face
You big disgrace
111
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,900
Kickin' your can all over the place

112
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:41,300
- Singin'
- We will, we will rock you
113
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:45,644
We will, we will rock you
114
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,048
You see, the thing about Donkey Kong is,
115
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:57,006
at the higher levels the barrels become
more random, possessed almost.
116
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,740
And playing by the patterns
doesn't do the trick anymore.
117
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,100
Does it, Brenner?
118
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,364
We will, we will rock you
119
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,327
Congratulations.
120
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,921
On coming in second!
121
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,441
(CROWD CHEERING)
122
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,020
Fire Blaster is the world champ!
123
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,540
The local yokel looked destiny
in the eye and blinked.
124
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:40,140
He's a loser,
and he will always be a loser.
125
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,540
Sam!

126
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,380
Sam, Sam, wait.
127
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:44,460
Sam, listen.
128
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,980
You're still gonna go to MIT
129
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,060
and invent something
that makes you a millionaire.
130
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,242
And maybe even marry Olivia Newton-John.
131
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:54,500
I was actually thinking Samantha Fox.
132
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,443
Nice, but she's no Sheena Easton.
133
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:58,700
Well,
134
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,484
there's always Madonna.
135
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,500
How about Scarlett Johansson?
136
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,660
So hot.
137
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,660
Mmm. Not Halle Berry hot,
but so, so hot.
138
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,046
And don't forget Katy Perry.
139
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,780
What are we doin' right now?
We're too old. It's just gross already.

140
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,420
Plus, you're married to a woman
who hates you.
141
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,126
She doesn't hate me.
She just doesn't get it, you know.
142
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:19,660
We don't have the free time to do stuff
together like we did 10 years ago.
143
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,300
This job is killing me, man.
144
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,340
If I were you,
145
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,340
maybe a half hour a day,
turn off the cell phone,
146
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,900
shut down the emails,
put away the Reggie bars
147
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,060
and focus on your wife.
148
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,686
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR: The President's
gaffe-filled summer continued today...
149
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:34,860
Hold on a second. I gotta see this.
150
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,620
...at Joseph Knibb Elementary School
to promote his new youth reading initiative.
151
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:39,780
Here's what happened.
152
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:44,260
"Mittens jumped up onto the table
and knocked over the whole bowl of soup.

153
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,860
"Mrs. Pickles gassed... Gasped."
154
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:47,961
She gasped.
155
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,580
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- "And the whole room fell silent.
156
00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,300
"This was casta...
157
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,561
"This is cast... (CLEARS THROAT)
158
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,050
"Catatastrophic."
159
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,260
Catastrophic.
160
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:58,850
I got it, sweetheart, okay?
161
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,580
Why'd you yell at me?
162
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:02,780
You're mean.
163
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,086
Leave her alone.
164
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,564
The President can't read.
165
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,763
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
166
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,900
(LAUGHING)
167
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,100
You gotta learn how to read, buddy.

It's as simple as that.

168
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,860
(GUARDS SNICKERING)
169
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,980
(SNICKERING STOPS)
170
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,242
I was on three hours' sleep, all right?
171
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:22,860
WOMAN: Your economics
are hurting poor people!
172
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,020
Nice to see ya!
173
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,540
MAN: You've got the blood of
innocent children on your hands.
174
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:27,620
Thank you for your support.
175
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,700
I can't afford to go to college
because of you!
176
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:30,780
- (CROWD JEERING)
- That's a lovely dress.
177
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,884
- You're ruining the country!
- Yeah, we're all in this together, now.
178
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:35,460
You got a rough life, bud.
179
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:36,971
- Sir? Okay.
- Thank you.
180
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:39,780
But at least you have a life.

181
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,220
Look, Brenner, you're meant
for something more than this.
182
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,926
You just need to channel your genius
into something productive.
183
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,300
I mean, you were incredible
at video games back in the day,
184
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,140
but that's a useless skill now.
185
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,844
It's like being a great blacksmith.
186
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:55,140
Ooh! That hurt, man.
That's catatastrophic that you said that.
187
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,685
I'm gonna get you back for that.
188
00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,460
Mr. President,
if you take away all the libraries, sir,
189
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,449
how will the children
ever learn to read?
190
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,780
(JEERING INTENSIFIES)
191
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,087
Blacksmith, over and out.
192
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,125
(DOORBELL RINGING)
193
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,860
Hello. I am a nerd
from the Nerd Brigade.
194

00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,089

Here to nerd out
on all your audio and visual needs.
195
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,700
Do you have to say that
every time you show up at a house?
196
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,540
If I wanna get paid, yes.
197
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,100
Isn't that kind of demeaning?
198
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,690
Only if someone brings it up.
199
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,128
- Okay, I won't bring it up, then.
- Thanks.
200
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,766
Come on in.
201
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,740
So, what am I installing?
202
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,860
(SIGHS) A new 85-inch, 4K, 3D TV,
203
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:07,660
- PlayStation 4, 7.1 surround-sound speakers.
- Mmm-hmm.
204
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,540
Really, if you guys sell it,
we've probably bought it.
205
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,420
Huh. Is it your birthday?
206
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:13,965
No, my parents are getting a divorce.
207
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,100
Oh. So it's like 10 birthdays.

208
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:20,500
Yeah, my dad cheated on my mom
with his 19-year-old Pilates instructor.
209
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,340
Her name's Sinnamon, with an "S"
210
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,841
which really tells you
all you need to know about her.
211
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,220
No, I could hear a little more.
You got any pictures?
212
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:28,740
I'm kiddin'. I'm sorry to hear that.
213
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,500
My mom kind of hates him right now.
214
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,220
And she says she's gonna invent
a slut-seeking missile to take out Sinnamon.
215
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:38,370
Okay, Matty, you don't need to tell
the nice installer man our whole life.
216
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,121
Whoa.
217
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,044
I'm sorry, "Whoa"?
218
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,580
- What?
- No, just you. Whoa.
219
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:49,220
Me? Whoa?
I don't even know what that means.
220
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:54,645
I mean, it's just, when your son told me
that your husband left you for a 19-year-old,

221
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,380
I guess I thought
you were gonna be, like
222
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,860
one of those
"hot when we first met in high school,
223
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:05,010
"but then let herself go
and got a potbelly and turkey neck
224
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,451
"with a hairy chin."
225
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,660
But clearly that's not the case.
226
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,100
So more like,
227
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,660
"Whoa, I should have brushed my teeth
before I left the house this morning."
228
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,060
Or studio apartment,
if we're getting real here.
229
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,401
Did you really
not brush your teeth this morning?
230
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:22,206
No, I did.
231
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:26,487
I guess I should just start
settin' this stuff up right now.
232
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,331
Go get 'em.
233
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,321
(TSKS)
234

00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,481

(CHUCKLES)
235
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,300
Colonel Devereux.
236
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,084
You need to see this, sir.
237
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,291
We're under attack.
238
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,647
(SOLDIERS CLAMORING)
239
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,804
What the hell are those things?
240
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,364
So are you a gamer?
241
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,220
Uh...
242
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,380
Yeah.
243
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,528
I played when I was your age.
244
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,460
Were you any good?
245
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:17,660
I was pretty good
at some of the classic games.
246
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,420
Hmm. Classics.
You mean like Halo and Call of Duty.
247
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,727
No! The real classics.
248
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,900
Defender, Pac-Man, Asteroids.

249
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,860
Games you played in an arcade
250
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,380
which was a building outside
of your house.
251
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:34,340
You would go there with your friends,
listen to music, cute girls everywhere.
252
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,091
In ancient times,
they called it "socializing."
253
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,326
What are you guys talking about?
254
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,211
- Video games.
- Video games.
255
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,641
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
- (CHUCKLES)
256
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:48,687
I'll be right back.
257
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,060
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- BRENNER: Mrs. Van Patten.
258
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,740
All finished up down there.
259
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,820
I need you to sign the work order.
260
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:58,967
VIOLET: (VOICE WAVERING) Okay.
261
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,620
Mrs. Van Patten, are you in the closet?
262

00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:04,881

Yes.
263
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,404
Not judging,
but what are you doin' in the closet?
264
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,810
I'm mostly crying.
265
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,450
A little drinking.
266
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,700
Probably equally crying and drinking.
267
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,580
Something I do often, also.
268
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,523
But why in the closet?
269
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,500
Because I don't want Matty to see me.
270
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,329
(SOBBING)
271
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,844
I'm comin' in the closet,
Mrs. Van Patten.
272
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,209
I'm opening the door.
273
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,690
Are you all right?
274
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,180
I'm sobbing on the floor of my closet
drinking Chardonnay out of a sippy cup.
275
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:46,820
So I guess not.
276
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,207

Sorry. I withdraw the question.

277
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,002
(SOBBING) Oh, God.
278
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,081
- Wanna talk about it?
- No.
279
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,281
Yes!
280
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,771
Yes.
281
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,364
Oh, God.
282
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:15,540
Sir, we are in the midst of an aerial attack
by an unidentified force!
283
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,620
Activate the QRF.
284
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:18,960
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
285
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,486
(GRUNTS)
286
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,611
(SOLDIER COUGHS)
287
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,770
(SCREAMING)
288
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,968
Mama! No!
289
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,420
We were high-school sweethearts.
290
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,060
- Mmm-hmm.
- The perfect couple.

291
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,060
Do you know that he proposed
in a waterfall?
292
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,620
- I mean, a freaking waterfall.
- Smooth.
293
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,140
But now, according to a text
I got 20 minutes ago,
294
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,164
he's marrying
a 19-year-old named after a spice.
295
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,963
It's not even spelled correctly.
296
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,485
- Mmm.
- (SCOFFS)
297
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,300
It's just not where I thought I'd be
at this point in my life.
298
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,700
- Oh, God. I hear that.
- (SIGHS)
299
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,180
I was supposed to have a baby
with my ex-wife.
300
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,740
And the doctor
who was helping us make the baby
301
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,420
did help us make the baby.
302
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,522
But, unfortunately,
I wasn't in the room.
303

00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,327

(TOOTS SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT)
304
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,571
Maybe this really is all for the best.
305
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:06,500
How do you mean?
306
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,888
You already married the wrong guy.
You got the worst part over with.
307
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,926
True, and you married the wrong girl.
308
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,843
Maybe it just means
we're gonna meet the right person now.
309
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,161
Yeah.
310
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,046
Yeah.
311
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,001
Whoa!
312
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,220
Are you trying to kiss me?
313
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,500
Absolutely not.
314
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,886
Oh, God.
315
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,620
Sorry, I thought
we were having a moment.
316
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,688
We were. A moment.
317
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,700

Look, you seem like a very nice guy,

but I just met you, okay?
318
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,180
And, no offense,
319
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,900
I don't think my rebound guy
is a 210-pound person
320
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,810
that installs flat screens for a living.
321
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,380
First of all, 208.
322
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,860
And, wow,
I didn't peg you as the snobby type.
323
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,700
Snob? Me?
324
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,180
(CHUCKLING) Okay.
325
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,660
I am not a snob.
326
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:13,766
Okay, well, let's just say I was a billionaire,
and we were out on my giant yacht
327
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,460
in the middle of the Mediterranean,
sipping champagne,
328
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:17,820
and I went in to kiss you.
329
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,160
Would you have kissed me back, then?
330
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,001
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
- Hold that thought, snobby.

331
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:26,860
Big Man!
332
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,740
COOPER: Can you get to
the White House right now?
333
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,524
I'll be there in 15.
334
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,860
While I'd love to stick around
335
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:36,100
and listen to you lie about not wanting to
make out with the yacht guy,
336
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,201
I have to go.
337
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,540
For the record, I'm an amazing kisser.
338
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:41,860
All us nerds are.
339
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,008
'Cause we appreciate it more.
340
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,620
You didn't even brush your teeth
this morning.
341
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,324
I ate a Tic Tac.
342
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:51,641
(DOOR CLOSING)
343
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,410
Too late, sweetheart.
You had your shot and ya blew it.
344
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:10,980
I'm not following you.

345
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,482
Yeah, whatever you say, stalky.
It's over. Deal with it.
346
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,130
(TIRES SCREECHING)
347
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,540
Whoa, she went from zero
to psycho in 3.4 seconds,
348
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:28,801
a new world record.
349
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,766
(TIRES SCREECHING)
350
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,460
BRENNER: Hey, Steve-O.
351
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,820
There's a crazy woman following me.
I guarantee she's here to shoot the President.
352
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,980
And if I were you,
I'd break out the billy club
353
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,923
and go full throttle on her, seriously.
354
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,729
Go right on through, Lieutenant Colonel.
355
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,820
- At this point, it's primarily data collection.
- (BRENNER SIGHS)
356
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:13,180
- Why are you following me?
- Oh, God.
357
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,700
Oh, God. I can't believe
they even let you in here.
358

00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:17,881

BRENNER: Right.
359
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,980
Colonel Van Patten, you can go
right into the Situation Room.
360
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,940
Yeah, see, they need me
in the Situation Room,
361
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,407
- so have fun doing whatever you're doing.
- Mmm.
362
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,649
Mr. Brenner, the President is waiting
for you in the Oval Office.
363
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,004
(MOCKINGLY) Somebody's more important.
364
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,889
Freddy, can you keep
the riffraff outta here?
365
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:48,780
Yo, wassup?
366
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,100
Oh, come on,
you couldn't have at least changed?
367
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,060
You told me to rush right over.
368
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,660
What's going on, man?
Why's it so crazy out there?
369
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,220
(SIGHS) Our Air Force base
in Guam was attacked.
370
00:21:58,320 --> 00:21:59,500
By who?
371

00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,140

I'm not sure.
That's what I wanted to ask you.
372
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,380
Come here. Check this out.
373
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,165
- Me?
- Yes, you. Come here.
374
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,250
- Listen to this.
- (KEYBOARD CLACKS)
375
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,180
- (DEEP WHIRRING)
- Does that sound familiar to you?
376
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,647
Yeah. Where do I know that from?
377
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,203
- Can you freeze it?
- Yeah, hold on.
378
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,482
- Go in tighter.
- (BEEPING)
379
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,660
That can't be real.
380
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,888
Okay, so you're seeing
the same thing I'm seeing.
381
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,048
What kind of mushrooms
did that guy put on our burgers?
382
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,402
- They're ready for you, Mr. President.
- COOPER: Great.
383
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,620
Now I gotta explain this
to the National Security Council.

384
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:36,980
Listen, do me a favor, Sam.
385
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:38,220
Watch that again, okay?
386
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,060
And just see if there's anything
you can find to help us out.
387
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,900
Yeah. Can I sit in your chair?
388
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,620
No, you can't,
and everything's recorded.
389
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,326
Okay, I won't. I won't. I won't.
390
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,681
I'm sittin' in the chair. Gimme a break.
391
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,900
(ALL SPEAKING TOGETHER)
392
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,500
Mr. President, we told the press that it was
an advanced weapons test that misfired.
393
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,820
- So there's no mass panic yet.
- Well, good.
394
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,940
Then let's solve this thing
before there is.
395
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,700
Mr. President, someone's made
a major breakthrough in drone technology
396
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:06,820
and it wasn't us.
397

00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,540

CIA CHIEF: This has got
Moscow's fingerprints all over it.
398
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,140
Nonsense!
It's an Iranian black-ops sideshow.
399
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:12,241
I guarantee it.
400
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,700
I have a theory.
401
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,300
I think, based on analysis
of the footage,
402
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:20,325
that preliminary indications
are that we were attacked by
403
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:22,441
(MUMBLING) Galaga.
404
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:24,846
By who, sir?
405
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:26,731
Galaga.
406
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,410
Sons of bitches.
407
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,247
Then let's blow Galaga to hell.
408
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:32,521
Who's Galaga?
409
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:37,020
It's an old-timey video game,
'80s kind of folks like my dad used to play.
410
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:40,900
Mr. President, there is no nation on Earth
that has the military technology

411
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,820
to simply pixelate entire buildings.
412
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:44,921
Except Iran.
413
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:46,340
DEFENSE SECRETARY: Forget Iran!
414
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,860
I'm thinking this is a cutting-edge
multinational enterprise.
415
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,380
An NGO, a think tank,
maybe even a corporation.
416
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,847
We're thinkin' Iran
when we should be thinking Google.
417
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,900
So let's blow up Google.
418
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,001
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
419
00:23:57,120 --> 00:24:00,363
Can somebody take Grandpa's keys away
before he drives us into a ditch?
420
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:02,846
(PERSON CLEARS THROAT)
421
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,843
- Who is this person?
- The sandwich guy?
422
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,684
This here is, uh,
my old arcade game technical
423
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,167
advisor person-guy.
424

00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,980

Sam Brenner.
He works in the tech sector.
425
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,820
So Caltech, MIT?
426
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,260
MIT. Yes.
427
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,580
Mississippi Institute
of Technology, though.
428
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:22,780
Not the one you were thinking of.
429
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,380
Anyway, more to the current point,
430
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,060
uh, Mr. Brenner here
was the World Galaga Champion.
431
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,540
He knows everything
there is to know about this game.
432
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,620
So, what is it you and your orange shorts
barged in here to say?
433
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,580
Oh, just the Galaga that attacked us,
434
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,580
that doesn't exist anymore.
435
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,571
Hello. You can download Galaga
on your phone for $1.99.
436
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,300
Yeah, not this version though,
Blue Lagoon.
437
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,100

The Galaga that exists

now came out in 1986.
438
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,726
But this is the 1982 arcade version.
439
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,460
And all those machines, they recalled them,
they reprogrammed them,
440
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,340
because there were glitches
in the original code.
441
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,700
You can see from the giant space bugs,
the way they come swoopin' in.
442
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,060
Kind of ziggy-zaggy.
443
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:01,400
Ziggy-zag? Is that the snobby term?
444
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,140
VIOLET: So someone
designed these space bugs
445
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,780
after an old out-of-print version
of a video game from 30 years ago
446
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,140
that nobody would know today?
447
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,050
Does she really get to talk twice?
She's not even at the grown-ups table.
448
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:15,500
I'm sorry. Is this a National
Security Council meeting,
449
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:16,965
or a dorm-room drug party?
450
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,180

Our nation has just been attacked

by an unknown military force.
451
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,660
If this gets out to the press
that we're pinning the blame
452
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,220
on some old computer game,
453
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:29,211
they'll not only mock you in the news,
Mr. President, they'd impeach you!
454
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,890
So I suggest the man in the orange shorts
leave the room immediately.
455
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,740
And those of us with long pants
and government positions
456
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,650
can discuss our options.
457
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,561
All right, Brenner. Do me a favor.
Take off, all right? I appreciate the help.
458
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:48,881
(MOUTHING) Bye!
459
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,767
Sorry, everybody. (STAMMERS)
460
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,285
Mr. President.
461
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,940
Generals and Admirals.
462
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,326
Guys in suits.
463
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,406
Zac Efron.

464
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:04,660
Gandalf,
465
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,842
and Harry Potter in the same room.
466
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,121
Imagine that.
467
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,683
Grandpa, we'll see you
around the, uh, nursing home.
468
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,804
Oh, uh, the sandwich guy is here.
469
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,001
Fooled you.
470
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,843
COMMENTATOR 1: (ON RADIO) Past the
shortstop into left center field for a single.
471
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,900
That's the second straight inning
where Washington has led off with a single.
472
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,060
COMMENTATOR 2: They're talking about
how he's standing straight up over the plate.
473
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,241
That seems to be working out for him,
474
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:34,060
'cause he just drove
that ball into the gap hard.
475
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,740
COMMENTATOR 1: First pitch
taken outside for a ball, 1-0,
476
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,020
and the 1-0 swung...
477
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:39,121

- Brenner!
- (SCREAMS)
478
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:42,401
(TIRES SCREECH)
479
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,660
(GROANING)
480
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,580
What's your problem, dude?
481
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,300
- What's goin' on?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
482
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:50,420
No, Brenner!
483
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,140
No, Brenner, no, no, no!
484
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,005
Stop! It's me! It's me! It's Ludlow!
It's Ludlow.
485
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,140
- Ludlow Lamonsoff, the Wonder Kid?
- Yeah.
486
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:00,287
How'd you get into my van?
487
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,100
I've been in there ever since
you went to that nice lady's house.
488
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:04,260
She's cute, by the way.
489
00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:05,361
- What?
- Hey!
490
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,844
- What is that?
- This is moisturizer.

491
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,645
Show me what that is.
492
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,166
Chloroform?
493
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:15,620
Is that what that says?
494
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,100
You were gonna drug me?
495
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,220
- Only as a last resort.
- What are you...
496
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,051
- There was something I had to tell you.
- Why didn't you call me, then?
497
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,860
Because the CIA
has been tapping my phones
498
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,740
ever since I found out
the Zapruder film has been edited.
499
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,604
JFK shot first!
500
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:32,407
Ludlow, it is you!
501
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,900
- Hi, buddy! Let me look at you!
- Hey! Good to see you, my boy!
502
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,980
How are you? My goodness! Look at you!
503
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,060
- I know.
- Stayin' in shape!
504

00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,260

I'm on an all protein diet,
but I'm also doing carbs.
505
00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:46,010
- Good.
- But seriously, Brenner.
506
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,900
There's something I have to show you.
507
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,020
And let's just say
508
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,724
(WHISPERING) it's a game changer.
509
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:58,980
LUDLOW: You're the first guest
I've had here. Voluntarily.
510
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,286
That's a shocker.
511
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:08,169
If Lady Lisa was real,
512
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,380
she'd have about
17 restraining orders out on you.
513
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:12,660
Actually, I think if she was real,
514
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,524
things might just play out
a little bit differently.
515
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,140
- Hmm?
- You wanna know how I know that?
516
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,580
- Mmm.
- If She Was Real.
517
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,682

A book written and illustrated

by Ludlow Lamonsoff.
518
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:20,847
Oh, boy.
519
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:26,600
(GASPS)
520
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,700
You should sell
that at Barnes & Unstable.
521
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,220
- Do you want a copy?
- No.
522
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,401
I have eight others.
523
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,020
Why am I here right now?
Why did you try to roofie me?
524
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,020
- Right. Thank you for reminding me.
- Uh-huh.
525
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:39,122
Okay. Follow me.
526
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,642
Earlier today, our military base in Guam
was attacked by this guy, Galaga.
527
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,220
How would you know that?
528
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,700
I have a pen pal in Guam.
His name is Baubau.
529
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:48,900
Baubau was terribly frightened,
530
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,300
so I hacked into the government's servers

to assure Baubau that everything was okay.

531
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:53,380
But you know what?
532
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:54,641
- What?
- Everything was not okay.
533
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:56,060
- (DOOR OPENS)
- MICKEY: Ludlow!
534
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,540
Did you get me some diet root beer
while you were out?
535
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:01,780
- You remember my grandma.
- Sure.
536
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,690
She's still a character
after all those years.
537
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:09,100
No, no, Grandma! It's funny.
I didn't get a chance to because, um...
538
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:10,860
Oh, what happened? Oh, I remember now.
539
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:14,900
(SCREAMING) I'm trying to save the world
from annihilation!
540
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,331
Are you nuts?
541
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:17,980
You cracker!
542
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:19,809
- Don't yell at me!
- (DOOR SLAMS)
543
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,300

So look, I know that sometimes people

think of me as a bit of a conspiracy nut.
544
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,401
Right.
545
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,100
But sometimes, Brenner, sometimes
546
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,202
the conspiracies are real.
547
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,740
Have you been playing Space Invaders
a lot lately?
548
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,921
I have. How did you know that?
549
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:35,849
'Cause you're invading my space.
Back up.
550
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:38,340
Brenner, do you remember
when we were children,
551
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,820
and we played
in that video game championship?
552
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:42,729
Of course, buddy.
553
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,700
Do you remember how
there was a tape of the event
554
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,980
and all the games that were played
that was then put in a capsule
555
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,700
and shot out into the universe
556
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,140
- looking for extraterrestrial life?

- Mmm-hmm.
557
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:55,404
I have reason to believe that some
alien life force found that tape
558
00:29:55,520 --> 00:30:00,020
and has sent down real-life versions
of what they saw
559
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:01,360
to attack us.
560
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:02,980
Brenner, I spent the day on 4chan
561
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:05,900
searching for messages
from the aliens to prove my theory.
562
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,889
- And you wanna know something?
- Tell me.
563
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,565
I came up absolutely empty.
564
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,060
So then, as a distraction, I got up
565
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,660
to try to watch an episode of One Tree Hill
that I recorded on my VCR last night.
566
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,220
I've been binge-watching to catch up.
567
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,140
And you don't have cable because...
568
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,100
Because the government spies on us
through our cable boxes, Brenner.
569
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:23,340
That's been proven.

570
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:25,140
And you don't want them to see you
dancin' around
571
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,860
in your underwear for Lady Lisa.
I get it.
572
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,486
No, that tape was burned
three months ago. Anyway...
573
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,140
In the middle of the UHF broadcast,
574
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:37,500
something peculiar interrupted
Sophia Bush's sexy shenanigans.
575
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,250
No, you're the freak with the fat...
576
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,166
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
577
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,409
Inhabitants of Earth,
578
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,366
we are a race from the planet Volula.
579
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,260
We came to you
in these familiar Earth forms
580
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,408
to tell we received your vessel.
581
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,780
And in it, your hostile challenge.
582
00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:01,860
We accept your offer to compete
in winner-take-all battles.
583
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:06,682

Gather your bravest warriors

to face our bravest warriors!
584
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,700
The winner takes the loser's planet.
585
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,609
You have already lost the first battle.
586
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,121
And for our victory,
we have taken a trophy.
587
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,050
I'm okay, Mama.
588
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,171
I love you.
589
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:20,804
That's not the real Madonna!
590
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,660
You will get three lives.
591
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,100
You have two lives left.
592
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,260
Losing both will lead
to the total destruction of your planet.
593
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,660
The next battle is in 15 hours
594
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:35,287
(VOICE DISTORTING)
at coordinates 27 24' 79".
595
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:37,100
(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)
596
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,700
Okay, I got lost about halfway through.
597
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,780

Why does Madonna

wanna take over our planet?
598
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,726
These moron aliens think that
the footage NASA sent up to space
599
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:46,540
of us playing video games in 1982
600
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,300
was a declaration of war.
601
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:53,300
Intergalactic war, Mr. President.
Isn't that crazy? Isn't that unpredictable?
602
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:54,740
Lud, listen.
603
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,900
You helped unscramble my Cinemax
when we were kids.
604
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,365
I think you can call me Chewie.
605
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:00,962
What do they mean by three lives?
What is that?
606
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,820
Uh-huh. If I may. See, that's just it.
607
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,860
It's like the video games of old,
Chewie Mr. President.
608
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,611
One quarter, three lives.
609
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,740
This is clearly not a quarter.
This is far more valuable. May I keep this?
610
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,500
- Put it back on the desk.

- LUDLOW: Fair enough.

611
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,602
We lost the first one, Galaga.
612
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:19,420
Two more losses and...
613
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:20,740
LUDLOW: It's game over.
614
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:22,380
Now, assuming that...
615
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,540
- You know what, that's not happening.
- Fair enough.
616
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:28,260
Assuming that Alien Madonna's numbers
are actually latitude and longitude,
617
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,603
then we can safely assume that
the next attack should happen somewhere
618
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,100
in Northern India tonight.
619
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,940
If you can get your guys from the NSA
to clean up the signal,
620
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,940
then we can pinpoint
exactly where the attack is gonna be,
621
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,100
and maybe even which game
they're gonna use to attack us.
622
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,460
- Right?
- I can't authorize a military response
623
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:48,460
based off a video that looks like

it was made by a couple high school kids.

624
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,620
You gotta at least warn the people
of India somethin' could be comin'.
625
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,540
The whole country thinks
I'm a buffoon right now as it is.
626
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,291
Look, I can't risk it, Brenner.
I just can't!
627
00:32:58,560 --> 00:32:59,540
(MAN SPEAKING HINDI)
628
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,700
So I guess we've been dating
for almost three years now.
629
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,460
Yes, almost three.
630
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,370
They have been
the best years of my life.
631
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,686
...and I think
we have something very special.
632
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:13,771
Raj, is this what I think it is?
633
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:15,401
(CHUCKLES)
634
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,608
(TRUE PLAYING OVER SPEAKER)
635
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,046
(MAN SINGING IN THE STYLE
OF TRUE IN HINDI)
636
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,884
Will you marry me?

637
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,041
- (SCREAMING)
- (EXPLOSION)
638
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,363
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
639
00:33:56,680 --> 00:33:57,681
(GASPS)
640
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,248
(SCREAMING)
641
00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:11,580
Don't sweat the whole Taj Mahal thing.
642
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,540
It's probably better that there's only
an even six Wonders of the World now.
643
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,220
You know what? I get it. I screwed up.
644
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:17,940
It won't happen again. Shut up.
645
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,530
Good morning, Mr. President.
646
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,484
What's Radio Shack Robbie doing here?
And this other
647
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:24,700
fella.
648
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:26,940
Hi. Ludlow Lamonsoff.
649
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,900
We've actually met before,
but you wouldn't remember
650
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,049
because it was in the back of Brenner's van

and I was watching you through a window.

651
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,688
(SNIFFS) You smell so nice,
like the Book of Genesis.
652
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,060
Mr. Lamonsoff and Mr. Brenner
653
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,140
have agreed to share their video game
expertise with you and your team.
654
00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:42,220
Happy to do it.
655
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:43,380
With all due respect, sir,
656
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,660
having civilians with zero security
clearance in this facility is...
657
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,900
These civilians have
better insight into our current crisis
658
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,570
than my entire administration.
659
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,100
I dunno if I wanna do it now.
She's being so mean.
660
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:55,300
- I kind of wanna leave.
- Okay.
661
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,129
- If he leaves, I leave. We're a team.
- Stop it.
662
00:34:57,240 --> 00:34:59,900
- This is how it's gonna be the whole time?
- Guys, knock it off. Lead the way.
663
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:01,206

Of course, Mr. President.

664
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:02,850
(DOOR BUZZES)
665
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,780
So have we made any progress, Colonel?
666
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:08,620
Enormous progress, sir.
667
00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:11,620
We now understand the entities
that attacked us were made of energy.
668
00:35:11,720 --> 00:35:12,960
Intelligent energy.
669
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,046
- Morning, Colonel.
- Good morning, Michael.
670
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,060
Michael's a robot!
671
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,420
I think maybe the extraterrestrials
took what they saw in the orbiter
672
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,410
and recreated the same things
using light energy.
673
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,364
And then sent these light creatures
back at us.
674
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:34,100
That's why solid matter,
bullets and missiles, won't harm them.
675
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,340
Can anything harm them?
676
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:36,680
Maybe.

677
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:41,180
The cubes we recovered in Guam
are normally pretty feisty.
678
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:42,725
BRENNER: Hey, look at that!
COOPER: Whoa!
679
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:44,725
Oh, he didn't like it though.
680
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:45,881
(GASPS)
681
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,100
But they calm down pretty quick
682
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,931
when we hit them with
some super-charged light particles.
683
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,980
And the slut-seeking missile,
I'd love to see that.
684
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,260
- Do you have that around here?
- You are so smart.
685
00:35:58,360 --> 00:35:59,780
Yeah? You think so?
686
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,460
Is that how you got into
the Mississippi Institute of Technology?
687
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,820
You know, I wish I never went
in that closet with you.
688
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,660
I was very happy
drinking and crying by myself.
689
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,140
I so regret trying to kiss you.

690
00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:12,323
I would kiss the guy in the yacht
100 times before I kissed you.
691
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:21,845
- Moving on.
- Yeah.
692
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,180
We have begun instructing
the Navy SEAL task force
693
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:27,964
on the use of the prototype weapons.
694
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:30,180
PORTER: What do we train for?
SEALS: War!
695
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,850
- Why do we fight?
- To win!
696
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,500
- When do we quit?
- Never!
697
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,340
- What do we train for?
- War!
698
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,060
- Why do we fight?
- To win!
699
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,340
- When do we quit?
- Never!
700
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:44,162
Perhaps our new expert advisors
would like to say a few words to the SEALs.
701
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:45,921
Oh, boy.
702
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,860

Men, you have served this nation

with distinction,
703
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:55,000
in combat zones, in every nook
and cranny of this godforsaken world,
704
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,329
defeating every enemy
they've thrown at you.
705
00:36:58,640 --> 00:36:59,721
(WHISPERING) Hey, what's up?
706
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:01,260
Brenner?
707
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,780
- I couldn't get a babysitter.
- Oh.
708
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:09,580
The President has brought in
these two civilian Arcaders
709
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:11,762
who we are required to listen to
710
00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:15,005
for 120 seconds,
711
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,340
starting...
712
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:17,540
I can't do this.
713
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:18,641
- You can do this.
- Uh, no.
714
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:19,820
...now!
715
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:21,540
I can't do this. I'm gonna throw up!

716
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,220
We know how to do this. They don't.
Just act the part.
717
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:25,560
Hey, guys.
718
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:29,140
How are you? Hey, thank you, General Zod,
for that beautiful intro.
719
00:37:29,240 --> 00:37:31,860
Hey, uh, fellas. Good to see you.
720
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:32,961
Um...
721
00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:36,460
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Sam Brenner.
722
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:40,246
And this is the Wonder Kid,
also known as...
723
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,522
Your worst nightmare!
724
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:47,900
Looks to me, Brenner,
725
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,660
like someone forgot to send us
the best of the best.
726
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:51,780
Oops.
727
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,740
And instead,
dropped off a bunch of incontinent,
728
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,940
adult diaper-wearing,
729
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:01,180

candy-assed, cries-himself-to-sleep,
730
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,760
women-baby-man-people!
731
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:05,770
What am I lookin' at right now?
732
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,620
Are you guys soldiers?
Or the cast of Magic Mike?
733
00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,451
You gonna fight? Or dance naked?
734
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:16,260
From now on,
735
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,140
you maggots, you little girl maggots...
736
00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:21,780
Whatever the hell
the female form of maggot is.
737
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:22,940
Magina?
738
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:24,540
You magina!
739
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,620
When you magina poop your pants,
740
00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:29,700
you're gonna be thinking of me!
741
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:30,940
In your pants!
742
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:32,565
You know what I mean.
743
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:33,887
(LAUGHING)

744
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,084
Do you feel me?
745
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,048
Do you feel me, sailor?
746
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,900
You beautiful Nubian man!
747
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,924
You gorgeous specimen
of what God can make!
748
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:47,740
Do you feel me?
749
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,410
I think you're about to feel him, Lud.
750
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:51,401
I can't move.
751
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:53,980
Lemme help you. Hey, come here.
752
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,140
Sorry. Don't touch the guy.
Just sit down.
753
00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:57,460
- Did I do good?
- You did awful.
754
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:58,641
Sit down.
755
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:01,325
Sorry about that, everybody.
756
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,250
I know it's weird.
757
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,660
Two buffoons like me and this guy
giving advice to you badasses.

758
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,048
But the truth is we've been training.
759
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:13,820
Since childhood, we've been training
our prefrontal cortex
760
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,100
to perform extremely complex motor feats
761
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:22,380
with hand-eye coordination
unique to a very specific cognitive acuity.
762
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,290
I learned a lot of big words
at the dorm-room drug parties.
763
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:29,168
All of it's been meaningless
in all areas of our life.
764
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:35,287
But suddenly, it might be comin' in
handy to saving our planet.
765
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,460
So we're hopin' you guys can forget
about us bein' civilian morons,
766
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:43,121
and let us teach you a few things
in the little time we have.
767
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,490
I think we might help you
win this thing.
768
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:50,940
BRENNER: There is only
one objective in Asteroids.
769
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:55,380
That is to destroy every rock
and every saucer.
770
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,420

You don't wanna get hit

by any of these boulders.
771
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,380
That's why I recommend
stayin' in the middle.
772
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,900
Just 'cause you see a hammer
doesn't mean grab it.
773
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,980
You're not gonna climb a ladder
with a hammer in your hand.
774
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:07,889
- Very good.
- Good piloting, Maverick!
775
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:09,481
(GRUNTS)
776
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:10,940
Don't lock into radar.
777
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:12,980
Okay, it's fine, son. It's fine.
778
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,162
You just blew up our entire planet.
779
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,767
Ain't no way Inky's catching up to you!
780
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,980
I want you to focus mostly on the ships.
781
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,660
Every 10,000 points,
you get another triangle ship.
782
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,460
That's a good thing.
783
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:30,800
(ARCADE GAME PINGING)

784
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:32,841
Damn.
785
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,340
He's still the master.
786
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:36,740
COOPER: This is just like
when we were dating.
787
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,140
JANE: Aw.
COOPER: No distractions, just us.
788
00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:40,924
(CHUCKLES) And cake.
789
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:43,980
Whoa, Big Man. Settle down there
with that butterscotch frosting.
790
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:45,940
What? Too much? Well, you know what?
791
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,780
You're really not gonna like what I do
with the rainbow sprinkles.
792
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,780
- Come on now! No! I love it!
- Will! No!
793
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,660
Here comes the sprinkle monster!
794
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:55,410
- (GROWLING)
- (CHUCKLING)
795
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,041
Mr. President.
796
00:40:58,640 --> 00:40:59,700
(MUFFLED) Yes, Jennifer.
797
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,940

We just received an alien transmission

from the "Where's the Beef?" lady.
798
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:04,060
(STUTTERS) What did she say?
799
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,380
First of all, she asked
where the beef was.
800
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,460
Then she said that the next battle
was on at sundown tomorrow.
801
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:13,060
5130' 29" latitude. 09' 42" longitude.
802
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:14,207
Where is that?
803
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:38,605
Go! Go! Go! Move! Move! Move!
804
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:43,681
(GRUNTS)
805
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,445
Clear the area!
806
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,500
The lot of ya, come on! Move it!
807
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,180
I said, move it!
808
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,820
- What's all this then, mate?
- Hey, I got this. Hi.
809
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,180
We're Americans.
810
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,340
Our Navy SEALs were given permission
by your government
811

00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,260

to prepare
for an extraterrestrial invasion,
812
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,842
which we believe will occur at these
coordinates in approximately 60 minutes.
813
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:10,166
We're shootin' a beer commercial.
814
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,648
Oh, right, then.
Break a leg, then, yeah?
815
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,340
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that, man?
Why'd you lie to him?
816
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,125
I'm trying not to cause
total panic, Yank.
817
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:21,961
And, you...
818
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,522
I don't want to hear
another word out of you. All right?
819
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:29,965
You walkin' wiener coat.
820
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,802
What's a wiener coat?
821
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,648
(SIRENS BLARING)
822
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:40,041
Madam Prime Minister, I can't thank you
enough for your cooperation on this.
823
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:41,700
But of course, Will.
824
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,060

Well, I trust with the concord

of our powers
825
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,891
we can duff up the jiggery-pokery
of these blighters
826
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,809
and send them scuffering back
827
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,180
to the fractious firmament
from whence they came!
828
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:52,281
I know, right?
829
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,160
Bang on!
830
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:55,321
(CHUCKLING)
831
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:58,004
(SOFTLY) No idea what she just said.
832
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,008
I just wanna touch it.
833
00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:07,770
Easy with those light cannons, gentlemen.
We don't have any backups.
834
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:10,580
These ray guns gonna work, Van Patten?
835
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,060
We had no way to field-test them, sir.
836
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,740
But our computer models show
a great likelihood of effectiveness.
837
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:18,460
"Great likelihood"? You're sending my men
into battle with untested ordnance?

838
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,723
I had two days to do things
never done before on this planet, sir.
839
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,521
Just remember
who you're talking to, missy.
840
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:26,580
HILL: All right!
841
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:31,208
Anybody who doesn't need to be here,
follow me to the support area.
842
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,690
That means you two nipple-twisters.
843
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:36,567
Move it!
844
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,206
Hey, Colonel. Don't worry.
They're gonna work.
845
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,780
The US military was attacked
and what does President Cooper do?
846
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,020
His critics say, "Nothing."
847
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:51,260
That's not strictly true.
He made a cake.
848
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,283
No, because I'm the sprinkle monster!
849
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,084
- You are my sprinkle monster!
- (GROWLING)
850
00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:57,287
(COOPER CHUCKLING ON TV)
851

00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,721

- Let's put that on pause, Sean.
- Thank you.
852
00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:04,051
- Turn it off.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
853
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:05,891
Apologies, Will.
854
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:10,020
Just wanted to spend some quality time
with the wife.
855
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,500
Oh, I understand.
856
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,620
My husband actually said that we don't
spend time together like we used to,
857
00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:18,460
so I took him to one of those, um,
do-it-yourself pottery studios.
858
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:22,406
And he made me a "World's Sexiest
Prime Minister" coffee mug.
859
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,810
Well, maybe he sees somethin' that
nobody else does, you know. (CHUCKLES)
860
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:28,401
(CLEARS THROAT)
861
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,602
Anything, Colonel Van Patten?
862
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,321
It's eerily quiet, Mr. President.
863
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:43,980
In case it's Space Invaders,
864
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:45,081

I just thought of something

I should tell...
865
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,009
Please return to the support area!
866
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,260
Okay, but there's a 5 plus 1 formation,
all right?
867
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:52,842
If we need ya, we know where to find ya.
All right?
868
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:54,325
Now, bugger off.
869
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,291
Bloody geek.
870
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,050
It's Centipede.
871
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,740
Okay, boys! Do exactly
what we talked about!
872
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:49,060
Shoot each centipede from the head down!
873
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:53,051
Do not hit him in the middle
or he will split into two!
874
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:12,180
No! No! Didn't we just say
don't split him in half?
875
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:13,460
Shoot for the head!
876
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,688
The mushroom things are in the way!
877
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:18,888
You shoot the mushroom things!
Like the game!

878
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:26,121
Guys, every time he hits a mushroom,
he's gonna change direction!
879
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:31,420
My God! Will you please find the pattern
and anticipate!
880
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,540
I don't know the patterns!
881
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,483
Sergeant Duff! 12 o'clock!
882
00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:37,721
(GROWLING)
883
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,445
(GROANING)
884
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:45,641
(GASPS)
885
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:50,006
(SNARLING)
886
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:53,246
What the hell kind of
beer commercial is this?
887
00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:58,408
If I say it's a beer commercial,
it's a bloody beer commercial.
888
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:08,410
Get your flabby ass back here, Yank!
889
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,340
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Shock and awe, baby!
890
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,180
High score, alien trash!
891
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:35,740

You messed with the wrong planet!

892
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:37,820
From Land's End to John o'Groats!
893
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,366
- What the hell are you saying?
- I don't know!
894
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:43,220
(BRENNER GRUNTS)
895
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:47,260
Hey, Ludlow! Grab a light cannon!
Get out here now! I need your help!
896
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,860
Me? No! Look at me! I look delicious!
897
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,420
They'll gobble me up like space dim sum!
898
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:53,521
(PIXELS CLICKING)
899
00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:56,020
BRENNER: It's level two!
900
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,407
We're the only ones who can do this!
901
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,363
Come on! You're the Wonder Kid!
902
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:03,484
You have no authority
to dispense weapons here, Mr. Brenner!
903
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,131
Mr. President?
904
00:48:05,720 --> 00:48:07,882
Let the nerds take over.
905
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,020
VIOLET: What was that, sir?

906
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:12,407
Let the nerds take over!
907
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:15,724
Let the nerds take over!
908
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:18,805
Brenner's right.
909
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:21,810
I am the Wonder Kid.
910
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,050
(WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND PLAYING)
911
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:36,700
Everyone's watching to see
what you will do
912
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:41,044
Everyone's looking at you, oh
913
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:42,420
This is the best, huh?
914
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:46,570
I've never been happier and more alive!
915
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:48,001
(BRENNER LAUGHING)
916
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:53,460
Everyone's trying to get it right
917
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,260
Get it right
918
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:59,682
Everybody's working for the weekend
919
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:01,041
(PINGING)
920
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,940

Everybody wants a new romance

921
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:07,280
(SCREAMING)
922
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,940
Everybody's going off the deep end
923
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:14,725
Okay. You can let go of each other now.
924
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:19,260
Everybody needs a second chance
925
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:20,740
Oh
926
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,260
You want a piece of my heart?
927
00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,488
All right, you finish that.
I'll finish this.
928
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:30,401
(TIRES SCREECHING)
929
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:35,966
It's been 30 years since I kicked your butt,
and it's gonna happen again!
930
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:38,129
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
931
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:42,521
(SCREAMS)
932
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:50,651
With the arms!
933
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:52,571
Let's take it forward.
934
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:55,930
Then take it back.

935
00:49:58,280 --> 00:49:59,930
- Enjoy it!
- BRENNER: Hey!
936
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:07,601
Come here!
937
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:08,801
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
938
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:10,081
You little... (GRUNTS)
939
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,580
Who are you, mister?
940
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,650
Son, I'm just a loser
who's good at old video games.
941
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,441
Well, thank God for that.
942
00:50:28,720 --> 00:50:30,961
- Drinks are on the US government!
- (ALL CHEERING)
943
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:33,860
Which is covering up the truth
944
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,440
about the ancient pyramid
under the Hoover Dam!
945
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:40,100
You know, you're all right, Brenner.
946
00:50:40,200 --> 00:50:42,123
You're all right too, snobby.
947
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,860
You gonna nurse that all night long,
or when are you gonna start hittin' it?
948
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,361
We ding up a few foreign belligerents,

beer is fine.
949
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:50,660
We defeat a full-on alien invasion,
950
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,604
I'm thinking something
a little stronger.
951
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:55,580
- Mmm-hmm.
- No.
952
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:57,860
You're really challenging me
to drink you under the table?
953
00:50:57,960 --> 00:50:58,900
- You got it.
- Oh!
954
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:00,968
I'm not so sure you can, buddy.
955
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,780
I was the vodka shot record holder
in my class at West Point.
956
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,100
Well, one time I drank
15 milkshakes at Denny's,
957
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:07,884
so we'll see what happens.
958
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,540
- Where are my gamers at, huh?
- (CHEERING)
959
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:13,820
Looks like all the time you wasted
when we were kids is finally payin' off.
960
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:15,740
- Yeah, baby.
- All right, huh?
961

00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,047

Sir, may I have the honor
of pouring you a frosty?
962
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,404
The President can't be seen drinking
during times of crisis.
963
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:23,780
So nobody look!
964
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,769
- That's it. Look away!
- (ALL CHEERING)
965
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:28,220
MR. ROARKE ON TV:
(IN SPANISH ACCENT) Inhabitants of Earth.
966
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:31,881
Congratulations,
you have won this battle.
967
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:37,529
Please accept one of our warriors
as a trophy of your victory.
968
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:41,361
(LAUGHING)
969
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,001
(BARKING)
970
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:45,921
Aw.
971
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:48,580
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
The next challenge will not be as easy.
972
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:51,620
The details will be sent
via this signal shortly
973
00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:55,520
Remember, we are still leading
two battles to one.

974
00:51:56,200 --> 00:52:00,260
One more loss for you will mean
the annihilation of your world.
975
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,966
Good luck and may the best planet win.
976
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:06,647
COOPER: Well, you heard 'em.
977
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:08,206
Let's get back to work.
978
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:10,140
We gotta get you guys
ready for your next battle.
979
00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:11,620
Battle? Us? Huh?
980
00:52:11,720 --> 00:52:13,290
This is like a regular thing now?
981
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,210
Remember when I told you that
you were meant for something more in life?
982
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:17,540
Yeah.
983
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:19,300
This could be it, buddy.
984
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:21,300
There's nobody better than you.
985
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:22,380
LUDLOW: Well,
986
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,881
(INHALES SHARPLY) not at every game.
987
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:28,131
No. No! Never gonna happen.
988

00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:30,406

You know, he's right, Brenner.
989
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:33,080
We don't even know
where to find that idiot!
990
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:35,283
(SIRENS WAILING)
991
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,140
VIOLET: Eddie Plant.
Married and divorced four times,
992
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:43,740
declared bankruptcy in 1991 and 2004.
993
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:46,140
In 2005, he was caught
hacking cell phone companies
994
00:52:46,240 --> 00:52:48,481
and adding one of those fees you see
on your bill every month,
995
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:50,260
- but have no idea what it is.
- What an idiot.
996
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:52,460
Made about 50 million
before he was convicted and sentenced
997
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:54,449
to 20 years in prison.
998
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:00,740
Guards, get me outta here.
999
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,220
It's that mean Centipede killer.
1000
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,500
I hope he don't zap me
with his space gun.
1001
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:08,060

How are you, Eddie?

1002
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,020
'Sup, Second Place?
1003
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,380
Oh! And your sidekick here,
1004
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:13,766
Presi-donut.
1005
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:18,380
I didn't know you can have
an approval rating so catatastrophic.
1006
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:21,340
- Okay, look, Eddie, here's what we need.
- EDDIE: I know what you need.
1007
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:23,540
You need the Fire Blaster.
1008
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:24,900
Who's the Fire Blaster?
1009
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,731
Me. That's my nickname, sugar buns.
1010
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,580
Oh, yeah. That's right.
The one you made up for yourself.
1011
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:32,220
Yeah. Who cares who made it up?
1012
00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:33,900
It's totally tubular!
1013
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:34,980
Yeah.
1014
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:40,060
See, this is why I don't think
I can have Brenner on my team.
1015
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:41,700

He's just not really a gamer.

1016
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,460
Break out a bag of quarters.
Pick a game. I'll destroy you at it.
1017
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:46,528
Oh, I'll pick a game, all right.
1018
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:48,126
(GIBBERING)
1019
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:51,380
- Okay. I'm leaving.
- No, no, no. Hey, here, come on.
1020
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:52,561
Sit down.
1021
00:53:53,720 --> 00:53:55,380
Okay, in exchange for helping us,
1022
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:59,326
I will personally speak to the parole board
about reducing your sentence.
1023
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:04,642
- Pass.
- Pass?
1024
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,100
That deal don't work for Eddie Plant.
1025
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,488
You want the Fire Blaster's help,
he has some demands.
1026
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:12,080
Demands?
1027
00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:22,402
The Bifocal Blaster is here, by the way.
1028
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:27,660
I want an island.
1029

00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:28,900

Oh, my God.
1030
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,820
There are 18,617 named islands
1031
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,420
that are part of the United States
and its territories.
1032
00:54:34,520 --> 00:54:37,740
Not to mention
all the countless unnamed ones,
1033
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:40,684
like the soon-to-be-called Edwahii.
1034
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:42,565
Mmm. You're not getting an island.
1035
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:46,500
Then I want a full pardon.
I wanna get outta here for good.
1036
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,524
And after I do,
I don't wanna pay no taxes like,
1037
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:50,700
forever.
1038
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,860
And no sales tax.
If I wanna buy some, for instance, gum,
1039
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:56,700
I wanna flash me a card
that says "I saved the world."
1040
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:59,929
I don't have to pay
no shitballs taxes on the gum.
1041
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:05,260
And I want a stealth-attack helicopter,
like they fly over the Super Bowl
1042

00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:07,340

at my disposal, at all times.
1043
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:09,124
You know, so I can fly around.
1044
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:12,562
If the world's still here,
I don't wanna deal with traffic no more.
1045
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:15,171
And lastly,
1046
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:18,847
I want you to set up
a romantic rendezvous
1047
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:22,300
between me,
Serena Williams and Martha Stewart
1048
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,860
in the Lincoln Bedroom.
1049
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:29,124
Number one. You're not getting a helicopter
or any sort of flying or driving vehicle.
1050
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:31,561
Number two.
I'm pretty sure the federal government
1051
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:34,140
could do without your income taxes
and be fine.
1052
00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:38,740
And number three.
If you help us beat these things,
1053
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:40,808
I think we can get you outta here.
1054
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:44,526
And the Martha-Serena sandwich?
1055
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,060

Pick one of 'em. We'll set up a coffee.

1056
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:48,924
Serena Williams. And we are closed.
1057
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:51,321
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
1058
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:53,921
Hello?
1059
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:56,691
I understand.
1060
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,020
It's happening tonight.
1061
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:01,180
Where?
1062
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:02,281
New York City.
1063
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:05,580
Oh! Fuhgeddaboutit!
1064
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,650
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! (CHUCKLING)
1065
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:28,020
Hello, Big Apple.
1066
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,851
- The cavalry has arrived.
- (PEOPLE CHEERING)
1067
00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:39,060
Thanks for comin'.
1068
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:42,260
We saw how you guys
took care of the centipedes.
1069
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:44,060
We hope you can do the same for us.

1070
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:46,845
We hope so also.
Well, what are we dealin' with?
1071
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:48,851
Over here.
1072
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:53,729
Rookie, just tell 'em what you saw.
1073
00:56:55,000 --> 00:56:56,580
It was awful.
1074
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:59,180
It was like one of those monster movies,
you know?
1075
00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:00,340
But this time
1076
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:01,940
(WHISPERING) the monster was real.
1077
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:03,963
And who was this monster?
1078
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:06,740
Pac-Man.
1079
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:08,740
Pac-Man? Boom. That's my jam.
1080
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:10,740
Let's get us some light cannons
and blow this sucker back
1081
00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:12,260
to whatever planet it came from.
1082
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,740
No! No, light cannons
don't kill Pac-Man.
1083
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:16,300
Those little ghosts do.

1084
00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:18,780
Boom! Let's get us some little ghosts.
1085
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:20,484
You want ghosts?
1086
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:22,530
She's got ghosts.
1087
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:35,420
We used the energy force-field
technology from the cube
1088
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:38,420
to develop four mini-generators
for each of the cars.
1089
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:39,487
Ghosts.
1090
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:42,860
We're calling them XM950 attack modules.
1091
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:44,500
- (WHISTLES)
- Okay and we're callin' 'em Mini Ghosts
1092
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:47,060
'cause we'll never remember
what you just said.
1093
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:49,481
Why are there four of 'em?
There's only three of us. Who's our fourth?
1094
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:53,402
May I introduce to you
Professor Toru Iwatani.
1095
00:57:55,880 --> 00:57:57,564
The creator of Pac-Man.
1096
00:58:01,560 --> 00:58:02,561
(SPEAKING JAPANESE)
1097
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:14,140

You speak Japanese?

1098
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:15,571
No.
1099
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:17,940
Sir, what an honor.
1100
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,327
Thanks for all the joy
you brought to our lives.
1101
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:21,880
Awesome.
1102
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,565
I made your game my bitch.
1103
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:31,100
What is a
1104
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:32,420
"bitch"?
1105
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:34,124
Don't worry about it. He's a criminal.
1106
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:39,540
(SEATBELT CLICKS)
1107
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,540
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1108
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:44,980
Okay, now, assuming they play by the rules
of the game like they did with Centipede,
1109
00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:48,926
if you guys hit Pac-Man three times
with this energy field, we win.
1110
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:51,163
Ludlow's right. You do smell good.
1111
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:54,810

- Good luck.
- Yeah.
1112
00:58:58,120 --> 00:59:00,487
(SIRENS WAILING)
1113
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:10,820
Gentlemen, I'll be sending
Pac-Man's current coordinates
1114
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:12,604
to each of your car's GPSes.
1115
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:14,131
Let's locate and eliminate.
1116
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:17,606
Come on, guys.
1117
00:59:18,240 --> 00:59:19,730
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
1118
00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:27,244
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1119
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,002
Pac-Man's a bad guy?
1120
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:42,801
(MAN GRUNTS)
1121
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:45,849
Pac-Man is not bad!
1122
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:49,842
I created him to bring joy
to all the people of the world.
1123
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:51,206
They have brainwashed him!
1124
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:57,651
Deep down, he's kind, gentle.
1125
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:02,202
Someone you can tell your troubles to

or grab a hamburger with.

1126
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:08,880
You'll see.
1127
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:15,420
Professor Iwatani, get back in the car!
1128
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:17,460
Professor Iwatani, what are you doin'?
1129
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:20,006
I will talk to him. He's my son!
1130
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:21,491
No, that's a bad idea.
1131
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:30,525
Hello,
1132
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:33,208
my sweet little boy.
1133
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:36,003
Look how big you've grown!
1134
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:38,569
I'm so proud of you.
1135
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:41,367
It's so sweet. He's so sweet.
1136
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,620
But all these destructive things
you're doing,
1137
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:47,006
it's wrong.
1138
01:00:48,840 --> 01:00:50,444
I'm your father.
1139
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:54,760
I know
1140

01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:56,406

you're a good boy.
1141
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:01,921
(BEEPS)
1142
01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:03,980
(SCREAMING)
1143
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,206
No!
1144
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:10,364
Somebody kill this stupid bitch!
1145
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:16,761
That was some twisted
Pinocchio-Geppetto stuff right there.
1146
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:19,601
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
1147
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:21,291
All right, losers!
1148
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:23,491
- It's three on one.
- (ENGINE REVVING)
1149
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:24,921
Let's hit it.
1150
01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:41,290
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1151
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:46,961
(SCREAMING)
1152
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:56,802
Pac-Man's faster than I remember.
1153
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,300
Pac-Man's always been faster
than the ghosts.
1154
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:04,562

We're gonna have to outmaneuver his ass.

1155
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:10,201
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
1156
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:17,363
EDDIE: Wonderfro,
you and Silver Medal break off.
1157
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:20,488
I'll stay with Big Yellow.
1158
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:24,163
(GAME PINGING)
1159
01:02:24,480 --> 01:02:26,482
VIOLET: Whoa, Eddie,
how did you do that so fast?
1160
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:28,523
'Cause I'm the champ,
Lieutenant Long Legs.
1161
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:31,041
(SIREN WAILING)
1162
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:35,321
Nope!
1163
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:37,961
What's up?
1164
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:43,010
Oh, yeah!
1165
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:48,940
(ALL CHEERING)
1166
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:50,180
Good one, Eddie.
1167
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:51,520
(EXHALES)
1168
01:02:52,200 --> 01:02:53,420
BRENNER OVER RADIO: One down.

1169
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:54,567
Two to go!
1170
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:57,841
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1171
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:01,420
All right, Pac-Man Number Two
1172
01:03:01,520 --> 01:03:04,251
just regenerated four streets away
headed northbound.
1173
01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:07,900
Turn east at the next intersection.
1174
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:09,001
Brenner, go straight.
1175
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:10,260
Got it.
1176
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:11,964
- VIOLET: Ludlow, go left.
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
1177
01:03:13,240 --> 01:03:16,050
Eddie, at the next intersection,
turn left.
1178
01:03:17,200 --> 01:03:18,260
LUDLOW: We got him!
1179
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:20,203
He's got nowhere to go!
1180
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:23,561
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1181
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,127
Oh, God. No!
1182
01:03:28,240 --> 01:03:29,300
"Oh, God. No," what?

1183
01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:30,660
He ate the power pellet.
1184
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:33,127
Pac-Man's got 10 seconds
where he can eat us.
1185
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:37,885
Why me?
1186
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:47,420
Oh, God. Don't eat me,
don't eat me, don't eat me.
1187
01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:48,931
Please, please, don't eat me!
1188
01:03:50,920 --> 01:03:52,206
(SCREAMING)
1189
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:57,540
Guys! Help!
1190
01:03:57,640 --> 01:03:59,768
I'm gonna die a virgin!
1191
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:05,081
(SCREAMING)
1192
01:04:13,880 --> 01:04:16,611
Why are you doing this to me?
1193
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:20,483
You've been brainwashed!
1194
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:23,166
You're a good boy!
1195
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:25,442
Ludlow, run! Pump your legs! Go, baby!
1196
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:27,241
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1197
01:04:30,400 --> 01:04:31,970

- (ALL CHEERING)
- Attaboy, Eddie!
1198
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:36,160
(CHUCKLES)
You just got fire-blasted, sucka.
1199
01:04:36,640 --> 01:04:37,620
Uh-huh.
1200
01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:38,721
(THUDS)
1201
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:40,968
(SIGHS) What?
1202
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:43,801
How the hell did he get
over there so fast?
1203
01:04:45,680 --> 01:04:46,841
Way to go, champ.
1204
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,367
Aren't you glad you sprung me,
Second Place?
1205
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:51,500
Yeah, thrilled.
1206
01:04:51,600 --> 01:04:54,206
One more to go and it's happy hour.
1207
01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:07,531
So I guess they're just leaving me here.
1208
01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:15,161
Now it's time for the hat trick.
1209
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:23,731
(SCREAMING)
1210
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:28,327
Wow!
1211
01:05:28,640 --> 01:05:30,300

Brenner, it's on you.

1212
01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:32,940
There are still three other
power pellets out there.
1213
01:05:33,040 --> 01:05:34,530
So stay alert.
1214
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:35,801
I got this.
1215
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:37,900
If I don't,
1216
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:39,684
the world ends.
1217
01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:41,365
Can't let that happen.
1218
01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:43,682
Come on, Brenner. Come on.
1219
01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:47,371
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1220
01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:52,220
Brenner, he's leading you directly
towards one of the power pellets.
1221
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:53,765
Get out of there.
1222
01:05:55,560 --> 01:05:56,641
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1223
01:06:01,680 --> 01:06:02,681
One.
1224
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:04,361
What the hell is he doing?
1225
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:06,780
Two.

1226
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:10,140
VIOLET: Damn it, Brenner.
I have a son who I'd like to see grow up.
1227
01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,049
Three. You'll see your boy grow up.
1228
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:16,420
Four.
1229
01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,251
Brenner, get out! He's going to eat you!
1230
01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:22,447
Five.
1231
01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:26,001
Six.
1232
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:29,087
Seven.
1233
01:06:31,200 --> 01:06:32,326
Eight.
1234
01:06:33,680 --> 01:06:34,841
Nine.
1235
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:41,247
Ten.
1236
01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:48,761
- (BREATHING HEAVILY)
- (PAC-MAN POWERING DOWN)
1237
01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:50,980
(ALL CHEERING)
1238
01:06:51,080 --> 01:06:54,289
You did it! Brenner!
That's the one, baby!
1239
01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,090
(ALL CHEERING)
1240

01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:02,806

(CHUCKLES)
1241
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:06,805
MAN: He's over here!
1242
01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:09,728
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
1243
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:18,202
(HORN BLARING)
1244
01:07:26,960 --> 01:07:29,850
(INAUDIBLE)
1245
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,327
WOMAN: Fire Blaster, I love you!
1246
01:07:34,840 --> 01:07:35,940
LUDLOW: Hey, guys!
1247
01:07:36,040 --> 01:07:38,820
Sorry. Coming through.
I'm one of tonight's heroes. Sorry.
1248
01:07:38,920 --> 01:07:40,001
Hey!
1249
01:07:40,320 --> 01:07:41,367
(SOFTLY) Hey.
1250
01:07:41,960 --> 01:07:43,200
Check it out.
1251
01:07:44,160 --> 01:07:46,925
I think I might have found
our next trophy.
1252
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:50,603
(MUMBLING)
1253
01:07:51,320 --> 01:07:52,651
It's Q*bert.
1254
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:55,007
Yeah, I know! I know.

1255
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:57,100
Can I kill it?
1256
01:07:57,200 --> 01:07:58,326
No!
1257
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:01,563
Let's get to know him a little bit.
Ask him some questions.
1258
01:08:01,680 --> 01:08:02,900
And then we'll kill him.
1259
01:08:03,000 --> 01:08:04,047
Huh?
1260
01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:07,411
- I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him.
- Q*BERT: Bye.
1261
01:08:07,520 --> 01:08:08,940
- Mr. President!
- Mr. President!
1262
01:08:09,040 --> 01:08:10,260
- Yes, Hal.
- HAL: Mr. President,
1263
01:08:10,360 --> 01:08:13,900
your approval ratings have tripled
since this crisis began.
1264
01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:17,020
Do you feel the heretofore
sanguine causata
1265
01:08:17,120 --> 01:08:19,327
are tracking toward
an auspicious denouement?
1266
01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:22,580
REPORTER: Oh, shut up, Hal.
1267
01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:25,445
You're just using big words
to try to make him look like an idiot.

1268
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:29,211
We love you, Mr. President.
Thank you for saving us.
1269
01:08:30,480 --> 01:08:32,300
Please, don't thank me.
1270
01:08:32,400 --> 01:08:35,882
It's Sam Brenner and his team who have
brought us here to the brink of victory.
1271
01:08:36,160 --> 01:08:38,242
And we understand
you're holding a soire in their honor.
1272
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:41,848
Is that a good idea when another attack
may be imminent?
1273
01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:43,140
COOPER: No need to worry.
1274
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:46,180
They will have their Arcader uniforms on
underneath their tuxes,
1275
01:08:46,280 --> 01:08:48,362
ready to go at a moment's notice.
1276
01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:50,220
And for the record, Hal,
1277
01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:53,369
I happen to know
what several of those big words meant.
1278
01:08:54,040 --> 01:08:57,700
I drank a few cold sanguines
on my last trip to Mxico.
1279
01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:58,780
(ALL LAUGHING)
1280
01:08:58,880 --> 01:09:00,609
Bite on that, Hal!

1281
01:09:00,880 --> 01:09:03,724
ALL: (CHANTING) You! You! You! You! You!
1282
01:09:07,400 --> 01:09:08,481
(TURNS TV OFF)
1283
01:09:10,720 --> 01:09:12,722
I don't know what would be worse.
1284
01:09:13,560 --> 01:09:15,085
Them failing,
1285
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:18,140
or them actually pulling this off.
1286
01:09:18,240 --> 01:09:19,620
WOMAN: What was that, Jim?
1287
01:09:19,720 --> 01:09:22,087
Can you shut up for five seconds?
1288
01:09:26,800 --> 01:09:28,780
We need to increase the rate of fire.
1289
01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:31,929
Now you already calculated
that in your beautiful mind, didn't you?
1290
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:35,768
BRENNER: There's no
rhyme or reason to this game.
1291
01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:39,140
I mean, where are the patterns?
He just attacks out of left field.
1292
01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:42,289
Patterns? Is that why you were so good
with Pac-Man and Centipede?
1293
01:09:42,440 --> 01:09:43,780
You memorized the patterns?
1294
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:45,660
Yeah. Only way to beat these things.

1295
01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:48,820
Count the bullets, calculate the speed,
crunch the numbers.
1296
01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:50,180
Where's the fun in that?
1297
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:52,009
Oh, boy. Why? What do you do?
1298
01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:55,164
You gotta pretend you're the guy
and you don't wanna die.
1299
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:58,860
Yeah, that sounds cool,
but it's not gonna work every time.
1300
01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:01,167
Well, that's why you have
your reset button.
1301
01:10:01,480 --> 01:10:03,642
Yeah, we didn't have those growin' up.
1302
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:07,060
Most violent game I've ever seen.
1303
01:10:07,160 --> 01:10:08,820
I don't think it's healthy for you.
1304
01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:10,060
It's fine. I can handle it.
1305
01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:12,447
No, I'm not talkin' to you.
I'm talkin' to homeboy.
1306
01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:16,327
(SHIVERING) So much blood!
1307
01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:19,007
Yeah. Hey.
You know what'll cheer you up?
1308
01:10:19,160 --> 01:10:20,900

- A cheese ball.
- Q*BERT: Yep.
1309
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:22,001
Huh?
1310
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:23,645
Come on, suck one up.
1311
01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:25,970
- (GULPS)
- Take a handful.
1312
01:10:27,960 --> 01:10:31,203
That was smooth.
(CHUCKLING) That was very smooth.
1313
01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:33,140
You know, we should
get him some exercise.
1314
01:10:33,240 --> 01:10:35,004
Maybe throw him
on the trampoline for a little bit?
1315
01:10:35,160 --> 01:10:37,380
Q*BERT: Trampoline!
Trampoline! Trampoline!
1316
01:10:37,480 --> 01:10:38,900
Okay. How about me and him do that
1317
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:42,049
while you go ask my mom
to the ball tomorrow night?
1318
01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:44,647
Unfortunately,
I'm not attracted to your mother.
1319
01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:46,490
Q*BERT: Bullcrap.
1320
01:10:46,640 --> 01:10:48,210
You're right, I am. Okay.
1321
01:10:48,360 --> 01:10:49,850

Here. Finish these.

1322
01:10:50,520 --> 01:10:53,205
- You're gettin' chubby.
- (Q*BERT CHUCKLES)
1323
01:10:54,840 --> 01:10:55,966
- Hi.
- (Q*BERT WHOOPING)
1324
01:10:56,640 --> 01:10:57,687
Hi.
1325
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:00,161
So...
1326
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:02,526
So...
1327
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:03,881
Q*BERT: Whoo!
1328
01:11:05,840 --> 01:11:06,841
(LAUGHING)
1329
01:11:09,440 --> 01:11:10,700
Sorry!
1330
01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:12,962
Q*BERT: Again! Again! Again! Again!
1331
01:11:13,800 --> 01:11:17,740
So I'm feeling obligated to make
an appearance at that thing tomorrow night.
1332
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:19,620
I was wondering, when you got there,
1333
01:11:19,720 --> 01:11:23,420
if possibly you'd like to hang out
with me while I was there?
1334
01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:24,726
- Like a date?
- Like a date, but...
1335

01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:25,860

- Ooh!
- Yeah.
1336
01:11:25,960 --> 01:11:27,380
I dunno about that.
1337
01:11:27,480 --> 01:11:29,780
I'm a snob.
I have mental problems, so...
1338
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:32,060
Well, you know, you are and you do,
1339
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:34,686
but I'm willin' to overlook that
for the evening.
1340
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:36,140
Okay.
1341
01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:37,526
- You will?
- Mmm-hmm.
1342
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:41,687
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1343
01:11:51,320 --> 01:11:52,685
MAN: Three, four.
1344
01:11:52,880 --> 01:11:54,291
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
1345
01:11:55,760 --> 01:11:58,140
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Thanks.
1346
01:11:58,240 --> 01:12:00,049
Nice welcome, for a change, huh?
1347
01:12:05,720 --> 01:12:08,371
Bring it down, Travolta. Bring it down.
1348
01:12:11,080 --> 01:12:14,084
They love the Big Man!
Good to see the respect, pal.

1349
01:12:17,720 --> 01:12:19,100
Well, lookie here, Serena.
1350
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:21,680
They threw me a big party to thank me
for savin' the world.
1351
01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:24,368
And you get to stand
next to me all night.
1352
01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:26,723
- MAN: Champagne, sir?
- Thanks.
1353
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:29,680
- They promised me an island if I did this.
- Ah.
1354
01:12:30,000 --> 01:12:31,900
I'm dying to meet Sam's new ladyfriend.
1355
01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:34,740
She's nothin'.
It's just a little hangin' out thing.
1356
01:12:34,840 --> 01:12:35,966
Yeah, right.
1357
01:12:36,160 --> 01:12:37,685
Is she pretty, Will?
1358
01:12:37,840 --> 01:12:40,969
Uh, define pretty.
I mean, you're pretty. (CHUCKLES)
1359
01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:43,140
- Extremely pretty.
- Thank you.
1360
01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:47,340
She, I think, in the classical sense
of the word, is certainly... I mean, I feel...
1361
01:12:47,440 --> 01:12:49,180
- Brenner, help me out here.

- No, you're doing great.

1362
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:50,500
- Keep going.
- Okay.
1363
01:12:50,600 --> 01:12:53,820
Uh, You know, she, for
military personnel, certainly.
1364
01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:54,921
I mean...
1365
01:12:55,080 --> 01:12:56,764
You're the First Lady,
1366
01:12:56,920 --> 01:12:58,365
she's a 10.
1367
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:04,966
Hey, Brenner.
1368
01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:08,490
Q*BERT: Hey, Brenner.
1369
01:13:09,520 --> 01:13:11,488
Excuse me for a second.
1370
01:13:12,080 --> 01:13:14,526
Come on, Matty. Let's dance!
1371
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:21,285
You look nice in a tux.
1372
01:13:22,240 --> 01:13:24,481
Green's officially
my favorite color now.
1373
01:13:25,400 --> 01:13:27,050
I have a question for you.
1374
01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:30,380
President said I'm on call tonight,
so I can only have half a beer.
1375
01:13:30,480 --> 01:13:31,540

Um...
1376
01:13:31,640 --> 01:13:34,564
I know you like drinkin'
out of sippy cups,
1377
01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:36,170
but wanna split a bottle with me?
1378
01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:39,570
- (SNIFFS)
- What happened?
1379
01:13:40,080 --> 01:13:42,260
- You brushed your teeth.
- Yes! Yes.
1380
01:13:42,360 --> 01:13:43,500
All right. Lead the way.
1381
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:44,761
You got it.
1382
01:13:48,440 --> 01:13:51,887
(SINGING) Welcome to your life
1383
01:13:52,440 --> 01:13:56,740
There's no turning back
1384
01:13:56,840 --> 01:14:00,700
Even while we sleep
1385
01:14:00,800 --> 01:14:03,020
We will find you
1386
01:14:03,120 --> 01:14:06,522
Acting on your best behavior
1387
01:14:07,600 --> 01:14:09,887
So let's hear about Sinnamon.
What does she look like?
1388
01:14:10,040 --> 01:14:11,980
- Oh, God. Are you kidding?
- I wanna know.
1389

01:14:12,080 --> 01:14:14,940

She's a husband-stealing
Pilates teacher. She's hot!
1390
01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:16,485
- Uh-huh.
- And limber.
1391
01:14:17,440 --> 01:14:18,420
That doesn't matter.
1392
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:20,568
Yes! Actually, it does.
1393
01:14:20,880 --> 01:14:22,540
She's not perfect, though, right?
1394
01:14:22,640 --> 01:14:24,529
Girls like that who steal husbands,
1395
01:14:24,800 --> 01:14:26,962
they always got one
thing wrong with them.
1396
01:14:27,240 --> 01:14:28,321
Come on.
1397
01:14:29,040 --> 01:14:31,420
- Her forehead's too big?
- (CHUCKLES) No.
1398
01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:32,900
- Mole on the chin?
- No.
1399
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:34,809
- Two different nostrils?
- No!
1400
01:14:36,040 --> 01:14:37,690
She's flawless.
1401
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:39,246
She is.
1402
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:43,247
I mean, her eyes.

Okay, her eyes are a little far apart.

1403
01:14:44,800 --> 01:14:46,060
Kind of looks like a flounder.
1404
01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:48,420
- There it is! Good.
- (CHUCKLES)
1405
01:14:48,520 --> 01:14:52,020
So tonight, your dopey ex-husband's
gonna be lookin' into those eyes and sayin',
1406
01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:53,980
"What kind of choice did I make?
1407
01:14:54,080 --> 01:14:56,540
"I used to stare into the most
beautiful eyes I've ever seen,
1408
01:14:56,640 --> 01:15:00,740
"and now I'm stuck starin'
at the Filet o' Fish sandwich."
1409
01:15:00,840 --> 01:15:02,444
Did you just say I have beautiful eyes?
1410
01:15:02,640 --> 01:15:04,529
While insulting the other chick.
1411
01:15:04,760 --> 01:15:08,220
Wow. That is really,
really, really, really good.
1412
01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:09,651
Thank you.
1413
01:15:11,720 --> 01:15:14,929
Can I have some of that? No?
I thought we were splitting it.
1414
01:15:16,080 --> 01:15:17,445
Hooyah!
1415
01:15:17,640 --> 01:15:21,620
So glad we've almost made it

1416
01:15:21,720 --> 01:15:25,220
So sad they had to fade it
1417
01:15:25,320 --> 01:15:28,460
Everybody wants to rule the world
1418
01:15:28,560 --> 01:15:30,164
(FEEDBACK)
1419
01:15:33,000 --> 01:15:35,180
They wanna rule
1420
01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:37,328
Why do they act so mean?
1421
01:15:39,600 --> 01:15:41,820
You know, everybody's like,
1422
01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:44,340
"Brenner this" and "Brenner that."
1423
01:15:44,440 --> 01:15:48,331
But make no mistake,
Fire Blaster's the leader of this crew.
1424
01:15:48,520 --> 01:15:50,124
Who's the Fire Blaster again?
1425
01:15:50,280 --> 01:15:53,380
Me, Serena! All right, lemme
just cut to the chase here.
1426
01:15:53,480 --> 01:15:55,420
Fire Blaster's been in prison
for eight years.
1427
01:15:55,520 --> 01:15:58,126
He hasn't been with a woman since '05.
1428
01:15:58,880 --> 01:16:02,460
You're in for the time of your life.
1429
01:16:02,560 --> 01:16:05,260
You even think about touching me,
I'm gonna smack you through the wall.

1430
01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:07,124
Mmm. I'd have it no other way.
1431
01:16:10,000 --> 01:16:12,082
Should've gone with Martha Stewart.
1432
01:16:12,480 --> 01:16:16,087
At least then, I'd have a tasty panini
cooked for me or some shit.
1433
01:16:19,320 --> 01:16:21,260
So, what are you gonna do
after all this?
1434
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:23,362
You gonna go back to the Nerd Brigade?
1435
01:16:23,680 --> 01:16:24,681
Wow.
1436
01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:26,740
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1437
01:16:26,840 --> 01:16:29,002
Probably. I mean...
1438
01:16:29,640 --> 01:16:30,801
What else would I do?
1439
01:16:31,040 --> 01:16:33,327
I mean, it just seems like
someone with your skills,
1440
01:16:33,440 --> 01:16:36,569
you'd be better off inventing technology
rather than installing it.
1441
01:16:36,880 --> 01:16:40,407
No, of course.
I would love to do somethin' different.
1442
01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:42,500
You know, I had my shot
1443
01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:44,489
when I was a kid in the arcades.

1444
01:16:45,120 --> 01:16:46,201
But
1445
01:16:46,760 --> 01:16:48,569
(CLICKS TONGUE) I blew it.
1446
01:16:49,080 --> 01:16:52,084
Yeah, I always think maybe my life
would've been different.
1447
01:16:52,520 --> 01:16:55,300
Any time I'm getting on a roll,
1448
01:16:55,400 --> 01:16:58,961
or I feel like everything's going great,
1449
01:16:59,960 --> 01:17:02,804
that giant ape throws
another barrel at me.
1450
01:17:05,560 --> 01:17:09,451
But it's all good. Don't worry.
1451
01:17:09,560 --> 01:17:10,561
Hooyah.
1452
01:17:11,200 --> 01:17:12,201
Hooyah.
1453
01:17:13,320 --> 01:17:17,380
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am proud to introduce a special message
1454
01:17:17,480 --> 01:17:21,121
to the Arcaders
from the students of PS 427
1455
01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:23,250
in New York City.
1456
01:17:23,400 --> 01:17:25,050
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
1457
01:17:26,400 --> 01:17:28,767
CHOIR KIDS: New York was in trouble.

1458
01:17:28,960 --> 01:17:30,980
Pac-Man caused a ruckus.
1459
01:17:31,080 --> 01:17:33,580
But the Arcaders saved us.
1460
01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:35,603
'Cause they're bad mother...
1461
01:17:36,560 --> 01:17:38,130
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
1462
01:17:39,720 --> 01:17:40,926
People of Earth,
1463
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:43,481
you have violated
the rules of warfare, dudes.
1464
01:17:43,840 --> 01:17:45,171
Violated the rules?
1465
01:17:45,320 --> 01:17:48,881
Because of this,
you forfeit and your planet is now ours.
1466
01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:54,084
Dudes, in 12 hours, we'll commence with
the all-out destruction of Earth.
1467
01:17:55,080 --> 01:17:59,324
After that, we will sing this
about your precious planet.
1468
01:17:59,480 --> 01:18:03,700
(SINGING) She's gone
1469
01:18:03,800 --> 01:18:06,565
I'd better learn how to face...
1470
01:18:07,080 --> 01:18:09,367
- (AUDIENCE MURMURING)
- What the heck are they talkin' about?
1471
01:18:19,000 --> 01:18:20,650

Where you goin', Fire Blaster?

1472
01:18:20,840 --> 01:18:22,780
Oh, hey, kid. Uh...
1473
01:18:22,880 --> 01:18:25,281
I told Serena
I needed to get some air, you know?
1474
01:18:25,440 --> 01:18:27,140
Only known her half an hour
and she's already like,
1475
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:29,641
"Mrs. Fire Blaster this.
Mrs. Fire Blaster that."
1476
01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:33,643
A cop fished these out of the East River
the night you fell in.
1477
01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:35,580
I was gonna give 'em back to you,
1478
01:18:35,680 --> 01:18:38,809
but I saw some interesting things
written on the inside of the lenses.
1479
01:18:40,400 --> 01:18:42,562
The Pac-Man cheat code for super-speed.
1480
01:18:43,040 --> 01:18:44,883
- You're a cheater.
- So what?
1481
01:18:45,520 --> 01:18:48,700
I used cheat codes back in the day
to help me dominate.
1482
01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:51,660
So I figured, why not use it
for the big show. And it worked.
1483
01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:53,762
You've been a cheater your whole life?
1484
01:18:54,560 --> 01:18:55,700

No.
1485
01:18:55,800 --> 01:18:58,060
Only since I was 10.
1486
01:18:58,160 --> 01:19:02,324
That's how I beat your boy Brenner
at the World Championship. Oh, yeah.
1487
01:19:02,640 --> 01:19:04,005
(TAKES SUNGLASSES)
1488
01:19:04,280 --> 01:19:07,284
I owe everything I have
to these bitchin' shades.
1489
01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:13,820
What did you do?
1490
01:19:13,920 --> 01:19:17,220
I didn't do anything. (STUTTERS)
I thought we obeyed every rule.
1491
01:19:17,320 --> 01:19:18,900
Ya thought wrong, civilian!
1492
01:19:19,000 --> 01:19:21,180
We squandered our one chance on you!
1493
01:19:21,280 --> 01:19:22,660
A hi-fi repair man.
1494
01:19:22,760 --> 01:19:23,900
But I swear...
1495
01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:27,368
But nothin'! You heard Hall & Oates!
You blew it!
1496
01:19:27,600 --> 01:19:28,681
I've seen your files.
1497
01:19:28,840 --> 01:19:31,047
You've never accomplished
a damn thing in your entire life.
1498

01:19:31,160 --> 01:19:34,300

Brenner won two battles, Admiral.
That's two more than you.
1499
01:19:34,400 --> 01:19:36,020
PORTER: I wouldn't get
smart with me, Colonel.
1500
01:19:36,120 --> 01:19:39,203
You were all over this sideshow that did
nothing but waste valuable time.
1501
01:19:39,480 --> 01:19:42,165
Sometimes I wonder if you're not working
for the Martians yourself!
1502
01:19:42,320 --> 01:19:43,460
Drop dead, Admiral.
1503
01:19:43,560 --> 01:19:44,540
You're done.
1504
01:19:44,640 --> 01:19:46,380
All right. Hey, guys!
That's enough. Listen.
1505
01:19:46,480 --> 01:19:48,244
- (DEEP RUMBLING)
- We tried something. It didn't work.
1506
01:19:48,720 --> 01:19:49,721
(WOMAN SHRIEKING)
1507
01:19:51,040 --> 01:19:52,280
What is that?
1508
01:19:52,640 --> 01:19:53,766
Matty!
1509
01:19:55,400 --> 01:19:56,970
(SCREAMING)
1510
01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:06,609
Matty!
1511
01:20:13,240 --> 01:20:16,483
I can't believe they took Matty

as a trophy. I am so sorry.
1512
01:20:16,640 --> 01:20:18,563
Well, there's gotta be
somethin' we can do.
1513
01:20:18,720 --> 01:20:19,660
Where's Eddie?
1514
01:20:19,760 --> 01:20:23,128
Eddie. Yeah. He crawled into a hole.
We'll never see him again.
1515
01:20:24,120 --> 01:20:25,884
Chewie won't take my calls.
1516
01:20:26,040 --> 01:20:28,380
Violet got the boot.
We're on our own, guys.
1517
01:20:28,480 --> 01:20:30,020
This feels like my planet.
1518
01:20:30,120 --> 01:20:33,806
No fun. No laughter. Only war.
1519
01:20:34,080 --> 01:20:35,081
Wait.
1520
01:20:35,360 --> 01:20:38,660
Wait a second. Q*bert is from there.
He knows all their secrets.
1521
01:20:38,760 --> 01:20:40,300
Q*BERT: We were once a happy planet.
1522
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,140
Before you threatened us.
1523
01:20:42,240 --> 01:20:45,767
But we didn't threaten you!
You saw footage of old games.
1524
01:20:46,120 --> 01:20:47,770
They do not know they are games.
1525

01:20:47,920 --> 01:20:50,380

Well, why don't you tell them
that, Q*bert, and stop them?
1526
01:20:50,480 --> 01:20:51,500
Q*BERT: It's too late.
1527
01:20:51,600 --> 01:20:55,300
And now the mothership is creating
millions of video-game warriors
1528
01:20:55,400 --> 01:20:56,890
to destroy your planet.
1529
01:20:57,360 --> 01:21:00,967
Look, all we have to do is get inside
the mothership and try to stop them.
1530
01:21:01,120 --> 01:21:02,724
We can rescue Matty
while we're up there.
1531
01:21:02,920 --> 01:21:04,809
Up there. You wanna go up there?
1532
01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:08,243
I don't know about that.
You know, they took away our light cannons.
1533
01:21:08,400 --> 01:21:10,084
I don't think that's such a good idea.
1534
01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:12,607
We have something better
than light cannons.
1535
01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:14,928
We have a positive can-do attitude.
1536
01:21:15,280 --> 01:21:16,281
Q*BERT: Ah.
1537
01:21:16,520 --> 01:21:19,285
I'm kidding. We are all gonna die.
1538
01:21:20,160 --> 01:21:21,286
I'm just...

1539
01:21:21,520 --> 01:21:22,726
Sorry.
1540
01:21:29,120 --> 01:21:31,600
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
1541
01:22:02,280 --> 01:22:03,700
Are you sure we wanna do this?
1542
01:22:03,800 --> 01:22:06,280
I mean, maybe we could just find
another planet to live on.
1543
01:22:06,480 --> 01:22:08,847
BRENNER: Shut up, dude.
We're gettin' on that ship.
1544
01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:11,446
And the only way to do that is
to get directly under it.
1545
01:22:11,840 --> 01:22:13,365
Q*BERT: That's the only way in.
1546
01:22:14,880 --> 01:22:16,370
(ARCADE GAMES PINGING)
1547
01:22:18,480 --> 01:22:19,481
(BEEPS)
1548
01:22:25,120 --> 01:22:26,121
Q*BERT: Oh!
1549
01:22:28,200 --> 01:22:30,248
Arcaders are comin'! Don't worry!
1550
01:22:35,240 --> 01:22:36,780
Come on! Come on! Come on! Go!
1551
01:22:36,880 --> 01:22:37,881
Stay with me!
1552
01:22:39,720 --> 01:22:40,721
(BEEPS)

1553
01:22:41,560 --> 01:22:42,561
(BEEPS)
1554
01:22:44,040 --> 01:22:45,041
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1555
01:22:47,200 --> 01:22:48,201
(SCREAMING)
1556
01:22:54,560 --> 01:22:56,180
(GROWLING)
1557
01:22:56,280 --> 01:22:58,521
Nobody's better
at the crane game than me.
1558
01:22:58,840 --> 01:23:00,171
Chewie?
1559
01:23:00,320 --> 01:23:02,209
What's with the disguise, buddy?
1560
01:23:02,360 --> 01:23:04,420
They tried to take me
to some underground bunker,
1561
01:23:04,520 --> 01:23:06,204
so I went rogue.
1562
01:23:10,200 --> 01:23:11,929
Oh, yeah!
1563
01:23:13,000 --> 01:23:16,140
Wonder Kid, you gotta stay on the ground.
These people need protection.
1564
01:23:16,240 --> 01:23:17,241
Oh, thank God.
1565
01:23:17,400 --> 01:23:20,006
Hey, live long, laugh much, love often.
1566
01:23:20,320 --> 01:23:21,300
Yeah.
1567

01:23:21,400 --> 01:23:22,447

That's it.
1568
01:23:23,120 --> 01:23:24,300
No.
1569
01:23:24,400 --> 01:23:25,606
Back it up.
1570
01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:28,121
Thanks for bein' my friend.
1571
01:23:28,680 --> 01:23:30,091
'Course, buddy. I love ya.
1572
01:23:30,240 --> 01:23:32,083
Now go kick some ass.
1573
01:23:34,800 --> 01:23:37,087
Mr. President,
may I have a light cannon?
1574
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:46,260
(SINGING) La la la la la la
Sing a happy song
1575
01:23:46,360 --> 01:23:47,340
Ooh.
1576
01:23:47,440 --> 01:23:48,441
La la la la la la
1577
01:23:54,000 --> 01:23:55,968
Don't tell anyone I killed a Smurf.
1578
01:24:07,120 --> 01:24:08,884
(BIDDY BANDITS EXCLAIMING)
1579
01:24:09,480 --> 01:24:10,720
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
1580
01:24:12,960 --> 01:24:14,180
Hey!
1581
01:24:14,280 --> 01:24:16,328
Get away from those kids now!

1582
01:24:18,080 --> 01:24:19,127
Please?
1583
01:24:19,320 --> 01:24:21,687
(BIDDY BANDITS EXCLAIMING)
1584
01:24:28,800 --> 01:24:30,290
- LUDLOW: Hey!
- (EXCLAIMS)
1585
01:24:32,160 --> 01:24:33,650
(LAUGHS ECSTATICALLY)
1586
01:24:52,640 --> 01:24:56,060
I spent most of my formative years
1587
01:24:56,160 --> 01:24:58,162
trying to figure out a way
to bring you to life
1588
01:24:58,640 --> 01:25:00,608
all Weird Science-style.
1589
01:25:01,480 --> 01:25:03,500
I used every birthday wish,
1590
01:25:03,600 --> 01:25:06,046
every 11:11 on the clock,
1591
01:25:06,160 --> 01:25:09,528
every little chicken wishbone
I could find, and ladybug.
1592
01:25:10,040 --> 01:25:11,610
I prayed for this.
1593
01:25:14,360 --> 01:25:15,361
Oh.
1594
01:25:16,680 --> 01:25:19,001
But apparently, you don't feel the same.
1595
01:25:22,640 --> 01:25:23,971
(Q*BERT GRUNTING)

1596
01:25:27,360 --> 01:25:30,045
BRENNER: Okay.
We're under it, Q*bert. Now what?
1597
01:25:34,520 --> 01:25:36,420
Well, well, well.
1598
01:25:36,520 --> 01:25:38,060
Look who's here.
1599
01:25:38,160 --> 01:25:40,020
Q*bert the traitor
1600
01:25:40,120 --> 01:25:42,300
and his cheating friends.
1601
01:25:42,400 --> 01:25:44,721
Come to beg for a second chance?
1602
01:25:44,880 --> 01:25:48,327
You're in luck.
The boss wants to meet ya in person.
1603
01:25:48,880 --> 01:25:50,580
So come on up!
1604
01:25:50,680 --> 01:25:55,580
If you defeat him, you save your planet
and destroy our warriors.
1605
01:25:55,680 --> 01:25:57,140
But if you lose...
1606
01:25:57,240 --> 01:25:58,844
(LAUGHS MANICALLY)
1607
01:26:08,040 --> 01:26:09,610
See you on the other side.
1608
01:26:20,560 --> 01:26:21,561
(LUDLOW GRUNTS)
1609
01:26:23,880 --> 01:26:26,247
You are so powerful, just as I...
1610

01:26:27,240 --> 01:26:28,241

(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)
1611
01:26:31,880 --> 01:26:35,500
You win!
I'm not gonna fight you anymore, okay?
1612
01:26:35,600 --> 01:26:37,460
I know that you have love in your heart,
1613
01:26:37,560 --> 01:26:40,928
and I know that I could make you happy,
but if you need to kill me,
1614
01:26:41,080 --> 01:26:43,560
then you're just gonna have to go ahead
and kill me.
1615
01:26:46,040 --> 01:26:50,284
At least I can die a happy man
knowing that I found true love.
1616
01:27:20,080 --> 01:27:22,686
(CHILDREN CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
1617
01:27:24,760 --> 01:27:27,570
And I couldn't even get a handshake
from Serena Williams.
1618
01:27:27,760 --> 01:27:29,125
Well, well, well.
1619
01:27:29,280 --> 01:27:31,169
Didn't think I'd see you again.
1620
01:27:31,320 --> 01:27:35,405
I had to prove to myself and to the world
that I could do this without cheating.
1621
01:27:35,600 --> 01:27:36,761
Wait, you cheated?
1622
01:27:36,920 --> 01:27:38,001
Moving on.
1623
01:27:38,120 --> 01:27:39,121
(WOMAN SCREAMING)

1624
01:27:44,480 --> 01:27:46,687
You gonna introduce me
to your girlfriend?
1625
01:27:47,600 --> 01:27:48,931
Fiance.
1626
01:28:03,200 --> 01:28:05,500
Where are we, Q*bert?
What is this place?
1627
01:28:05,600 --> 01:28:06,940
I don't know.
1628
01:28:07,040 --> 01:28:08,724
But I'm scared.
1629
01:28:09,840 --> 01:28:11,285
Great.
1630
01:28:14,160 --> 01:28:16,640
(DISTANT THUDDING)
1631
01:28:19,720 --> 01:28:20,846
What is that noise?
1632
01:28:29,640 --> 01:28:31,961
- (BRENNER GRUNTS)
- What the hell was that?
1633
01:28:34,040 --> 01:28:35,246
(GROWLS)
1634
01:28:37,560 --> 01:28:39,460
Donkey Kong.
1635
01:28:39,560 --> 01:28:41,562
The one game you suck at.
1636
01:28:41,720 --> 01:28:42,721
Yeah.
1637
01:28:43,120 --> 01:28:45,248
- (GROWLING)
- MATTY: Mom, up here!

1638
01:28:46,200 --> 01:28:47,565
Matty!
1639
01:28:47,720 --> 01:28:48,846
Mom!
1640
01:28:49,000 --> 01:28:50,650
Where the hell is my mama?
1641
01:28:50,840 --> 01:28:52,524
We're coming for you, honey!
1642
01:28:52,960 --> 01:28:54,086
(GROWLS)
1643
01:28:58,720 --> 01:29:00,006
Q*BERT: Oh, no.
1644
01:29:02,680 --> 01:29:04,569
(SHUDDERING)
1645
01:29:18,280 --> 01:29:19,660
LUDLOW: There's too many of them!
1646
01:29:19,760 --> 01:29:20,886
This way!
1647
01:29:23,760 --> 01:29:25,603
Only one way to beat this game. Jump!
1648
01:29:27,880 --> 01:29:28,961
Up the ladder! Fast!
1649
01:29:32,080 --> 01:29:33,286
Incoming!
1650
01:29:34,240 --> 01:29:35,241
VIOLET: Oh!
1651
01:29:41,200 --> 01:29:42,486
(Q*BERT GRUNTING)
1652
01:29:48,640 --> 01:29:50,130
(VIOLET GRUNTS)

1653
01:29:53,800 --> 01:29:55,140
Q*bert! Look out!
1654
01:29:55,240 --> 01:29:56,730
- (SCREAMING)
- Oh!
1655
01:29:57,240 --> 01:29:59,083
Q*bert!
1656
01:30:13,320 --> 01:30:15,860
BRENNER:
I can't do this. There's no pattern.
1657
01:30:15,960 --> 01:30:18,930
Pretend you're the guy
and you don't wanna die.
1658
01:30:19,480 --> 01:30:20,766
(GRUNTS)
1659
01:30:20,920 --> 01:30:22,001
I don't wanna die!
1660
01:30:22,840 --> 01:30:24,490
I couldn't even beat Eddie Plant!
1661
01:30:24,640 --> 01:30:28,486
Eddie Plant's a cheater!
That's why he was so good in New York.
1662
01:30:28,640 --> 01:30:30,688
He used cheat codes.
1663
01:30:31,240 --> 01:30:34,130
He did the same thing to you
when you were kids.
1664
01:30:34,920 --> 01:30:37,207
You know what that means, right?
1665
01:30:40,600 --> 01:30:43,490
I'm the Donkey Kong
champion of the world.
1666

01:30:43,640 --> 01:30:46,371

And the Donkey Kong champion
of the world doesn't need patterns.
1667
01:30:46,640 --> 01:30:47,641
Reset button.
1668
01:30:48,040 --> 01:30:50,202
(WE WILL ROCK YOU VONLICHTEN PLAYING)
1669
01:30:53,680 --> 01:30:55,940
Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
1670
01:30:56,040 --> 01:30:59,180
Playing in the street
gonna be a big man some day
1671
01:30:59,280 --> 01:31:00,780
You got mud on your face
1672
01:31:00,880 --> 01:31:02,211
BRENNER: Freeze, Chewie!
1673
01:31:02,680 --> 01:31:05,001
Kickin' your can all over the place
1674
01:31:05,120 --> 01:31:08,920
- Singin'
- We will, we will rock you
1675
01:31:09,200 --> 01:31:10,201
Brenner!
1676
01:31:11,520 --> 01:31:14,967
We will, we will rock you
1677
01:31:15,560 --> 01:31:16,561
(CHEERS PLAYFULLY)
1678
01:31:16,880 --> 01:31:19,042
Mom, Mom! Q*bert's not dead!
1679
01:31:20,040 --> 01:31:22,008
Q*BERT: Help me! Help me!
1680
01:31:22,200 --> 01:31:24,362

Nah, I'm pretty sure he's dead, Matty.

1681
01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:25,521
Mom!
1682
01:31:26,200 --> 01:31:27,980
Q*BERT: Please.
1683
01:31:28,080 --> 01:31:29,420
(SIGHS) Okay, fine.
1684
01:31:29,520 --> 01:31:30,931
What? No!
1685
01:31:31,080 --> 01:31:32,081
No!
1686
01:31:32,360 --> 01:31:35,364
We will rock you
1687
01:31:38,680 --> 01:31:40,409
Violet, get outta there!
1688
01:31:44,080 --> 01:31:45,081
(GRUNTS)
1689
01:31:46,720 --> 01:31:47,721
Look out!
1690
01:31:54,800 --> 01:31:57,940
We will, we will rock you
1691
01:31:58,040 --> 01:31:59,041
LUDLOW: We're trapped!
1692
01:32:00,680 --> 01:32:04,180
We will, we will rock you
1693
01:32:04,280 --> 01:32:05,281
Brenner!
1694
01:32:06,640 --> 01:32:10,486
We will, we will rock you
1695
01:32:12,280 --> 01:32:16,683

We will, we will rock you

1696
01:32:16,800 --> 01:32:18,564
Here, grab onto my mighty hammer.
1697
01:32:18,960 --> 01:32:19,961
(GRUNTING)
1698
01:32:20,120 --> 01:32:21,121
(BRENNER GRUNTING)
1699
01:32:21,960 --> 01:32:23,100
You loved saying that.
1700
01:32:23,200 --> 01:32:24,406
Yes, I did.
1701
01:32:27,120 --> 01:32:30,727
Brenner!
Whatever you're doing, please hurry up!
1702
01:32:39,320 --> 01:32:42,290
I've been waitin' to do this since 1982.
1703
01:32:43,720 --> 01:32:44,767
(GROWLS)
1704
01:32:45,840 --> 01:32:46,841
(GRUNTS)
1705
01:32:51,160 --> 01:32:52,924
(GROANING)
1706
01:32:54,800 --> 01:32:56,086
Yeah!
1707
01:32:56,240 --> 01:32:57,810
Yeah! Yes!
1708
01:32:57,960 --> 01:33:00,850
Q*BERT: (SINGSONG) Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
1709
01:33:12,520 --> 01:33:14,522
Matty! Oh, God!
1710

01:33:15,840 --> 01:33:17,842

- You okay?
- Yeah.
1711
01:33:18,160 --> 01:33:20,003
You were so awesome down there!
1712
01:33:20,640 --> 01:33:23,120
You're my second favorite president.
You know Obama's still my man, right?
1713
01:33:23,240 --> 01:33:24,526
Oh, okay.
1714
01:33:33,200 --> 01:33:35,885
Hey! We won!
1715
01:33:36,680 --> 01:33:38,125
No more taxes!
1716
01:33:38,320 --> 01:33:39,340
(EDDIE CHUCKLES)
1717
01:33:39,440 --> 01:33:41,169
We did it, baby!
1718
01:33:41,520 --> 01:33:42,885
We did it.
1719
01:33:43,040 --> 01:33:44,166
No.
1720
01:33:44,720 --> 01:33:46,700
No. No!
1721
01:33:46,800 --> 01:33:49,620
Lady Lisa!
1722
01:33:49,720 --> 01:33:51,882
No!
1723
01:34:08,680 --> 01:34:10,860
Eddie, never thought I'd see you again.
1724
01:34:10,960 --> 01:34:14,580
Brenner, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for

cheatin' back in the day when we was kids,

1725
01:34:14,680 --> 01:34:17,060
and for cheatin' again
more recently. (CHUCKLES)
1726
01:34:17,160 --> 01:34:18,980
I'm not goin' back to prison
for that, am I?
1727
01:34:19,080 --> 01:34:22,209
No, but you need to admit to Brenner
that he's the best in the world.
1728
01:34:22,440 --> 01:34:24,169
(SCOFFS) Eh, no way.
1729
01:34:24,320 --> 01:34:25,401
Prison.
1730
01:34:26,200 --> 01:34:27,850
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
1731
01:34:29,040 --> 01:34:30,246
Brenner,
1732
01:34:33,080 --> 01:34:34,684
you are the best
1733
01:34:36,040 --> 01:34:37,405
in the world
1734
01:34:38,560 --> 01:34:40,927
at (CLEARS THROAT) the Donkey Kong.
1735
01:34:41,720 --> 01:34:42,980
That's right. I am.
1736
01:34:43,080 --> 01:34:44,844
Ludlow. What's the matter, buddy?
1737
01:34:45,440 --> 01:34:47,681
I finally had the one thing I wanted
1738
01:34:48,400 --> 01:34:50,402
and now I'm back to being all alone.

1739
01:34:50,680 --> 01:34:53,420
Lady Lisa, she made an appearance.
1740
01:34:53,520 --> 01:34:58,447
And while you guys were out, you know,
savin' the world, you kind of destroyed his.
1741
01:34:59,120 --> 01:35:00,610
Oh, that's horrible.
1742
01:35:00,920 --> 01:35:04,288
It's just, how come he gets to stay?
Why are you still here?
1743
01:35:04,560 --> 01:35:06,050
I'm sorry.
1744
01:35:06,200 --> 01:35:07,565
Q*bert's a trophy.
1745
01:35:07,760 --> 01:35:09,444
And I guess we get to keep the trophies.
1746
01:35:10,080 --> 01:35:11,081
Yeah.
1747
01:35:12,200 --> 01:35:13,201
(SNIFFLES)
1748
01:35:13,880 --> 01:35:15,006
Q*BERT: Aw.
1749
01:35:19,480 --> 01:35:21,528
(MUMBLING)
1750
01:35:22,600 --> 01:35:24,204
Q*bert, what is it?
1751
01:35:38,000 --> 01:35:39,001
Aw.
1752
01:35:40,000 --> 01:35:43,322
Wait, no one else is weirded out by this?
That was just Q*bert.

1753
01:35:43,480 --> 01:35:45,323
- REPORTER: Mr. President! Please!
- Yes, Renee.
1754
01:35:45,480 --> 01:35:47,562
RENEE:
Mr. President, are we out of danger?
1755
01:35:47,760 --> 01:35:50,161
Yes. In fact, I am pleased to announce
1756
01:35:50,320 --> 01:35:53,802
I have brokered a peace treaty
with the alien invaders.
1757
01:35:56,160 --> 01:35:59,164
This peace is due to, and only due to
1758
01:35:59,320 --> 01:36:01,527
the bravery of the Arcaders,
1759
01:36:01,920 --> 01:36:05,811
who, against all odds,
stepped up and saved us all.
1760
01:36:06,760 --> 01:36:08,060
Eddie Plant,
1761
01:36:08,160 --> 01:36:09,900
Ludlow Lamonsoff,
1762
01:36:10,000 --> 01:36:11,365
Sam Brenner,
1763
01:36:11,520 --> 01:36:13,966
and Lieutenant Colonel Violet Van Patten
1764
01:36:14,440 --> 01:36:15,965
are American heroes.
1765
01:36:16,640 --> 01:36:18,051
World heroes.
1766
01:36:18,480 --> 01:36:19,580
(CHEERING)

1767
01:36:19,680 --> 01:36:20,681
Yeah!
1768
01:36:21,200 --> 01:36:24,044
"World hero"?
I guess you're not a nerd anymore.
1769
01:36:24,200 --> 01:36:25,884
You don't want me
to stop being a nerd, ever.
1770
01:36:26,600 --> 01:36:27,860
(CHUCKLES) Why is that?
1771
01:36:27,960 --> 01:36:31,043
'Cause like I said,
nerds are the greatest kissers.
1772
01:36:31,960 --> 01:36:33,962
I'll be the judge of that.
1773
01:36:38,520 --> 01:36:39,760
(SURRENDER PLAYING)
1774
01:36:40,960 --> 01:36:43,088
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
1775
01:36:52,880 --> 01:36:55,620
Mother told me Yes, she told me
1776
01:36:55,720 --> 01:36:59,247
That I'd meet girls like you
1777
01:36:59,600 --> 01:37:01,700
She also told me
1778
01:37:01,800 --> 01:37:06,727
Stay away
You'll never know what you'll catch
1779
01:37:07,080 --> 01:37:13,531
Just the other day I heard
of a soldier's falling off
1780
01:37:13,640 --> 01:37:19,522
Some Indonesian junk that's going round

1781
01:37:21,120 --> 01:37:24,700
Mommy's all right, daddy's all right
1782
01:37:24,800 --> 01:37:28,247
They just seem a little weird
1783
01:37:28,360 --> 01:37:31,700
Surrender, surrender
1784
01:37:31,800 --> 01:37:36,806
But don't give yourself away
1785
01:37:37,560 --> 01:37:40,404
Hey, hey
1786
01:37:43,800 --> 01:37:45,882
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1787
01:37:48,720 --> 01:37:51,580
LUDLOW: Hey, kids. Daddy's home.
1788
01:37:51,680 --> 01:37:54,020
- Q*BERT BABY 1: Daddy!
- Q*BERT BABY 2: Daddy! Daddy!
1789
01:37:54,120 --> 01:37:56,140
- Dad! Dad!
- Daddy! Daddy!
1790
01:37:56,240 --> 01:37:58,242
Daddy! Daddy!
1791
01:37:59,840 --> 01:38:01,251
(GAME ON PLAYING)
1792
01:38:04,120 --> 01:38:06,820
This is not a game now
1793
01:38:06,920 --> 01:38:09,780
Nobody can save you
1794
01:38:09,880 --> 01:38:11,803
Spent up all your change
1795

01:38:11,920 --> 01:38:15,580

And now your turn is done
1796
01:38:15,680 --> 01:38:21,380
We won't be afraid
'cause we're the ones who made you
1797
01:38:21,480 --> 01:38:23,460
Knock you out the frame
1798
01:38:23,560 --> 01:38:26,300
We won't stop until you're gone
1799
01:38:26,400 --> 01:38:28,243
Game on
1800
01:38:38,160 --> 01:38:39,161
Game on
1801
01:38:45,160 --> 01:38:47,420
Assassin, soldier and a captain
1802
01:38:47,520 --> 01:38:50,300
Feel the passion,
no compassion, but I'm askin'
1803
01:38:50,400 --> 01:38:53,100
You say you ready, well, I'm attackin'
1804
01:38:53,200 --> 01:38:56,090
A predatorin my competitors this second
1805
01:38:56,200 --> 01:38:58,820
I'm neverlackin'
Boy, I'm ready for that action
1806
01:38:58,920 --> 01:39:02,340
That was braggin'
Man, what happened to you has-beens?
1807
01:39:02,440 --> 01:39:05,180
It's amazin' all the places
and the people faces
1808
01:39:05,280 --> 01:39:07,580
Ah, bought the tourbus like a spaceship

1809
01:39:07,680 --> 01:39:10,100
I'm racin' against nothin' but time
1810
01:39:10,200 --> 01:39:13,100
Probably wouldn't be so lost
if you was watchin' the signs
1811
01:39:13,200 --> 01:39:16,780
They gon' play me like a PlayStation
from playin' on that station
1812
01:39:16,880 --> 01:39:19,460
But I'm a be the face of a generation
1813
01:39:19,560 --> 01:39:22,484
Kids wit' no patience or directions
1814
01:39:22,600 --> 01:39:25,460
Never doubt or question my effort
1815
01:39:25,560 --> 01:39:28,140
Game on, game on Hope you people ready
1816
01:39:28,240 --> 01:39:30,780
I'm reloaded, and I hope
my trigger finger steady
1817
01:39:30,880 --> 01:39:33,620
This is not a game now
1818
01:39:33,720 --> 01:39:36,540
Nobody can save you
1819
01:39:36,640 --> 01:39:38,620
Spent up all your change
1820
01:39:38,720 --> 01:39:42,220
And now your turn is done
1821
01:39:42,320 --> 01:39:48,140
We won't be afraid
'cause we're the ones who made you
1822
01:39:48,240 --> 01:39:53,140
Knock you out the frame
We won't stop until you're gone

1823
01:39:53,240 --> 01:39:55,368
Game on
1824
01:40:04,760 --> 01:40:05,740
Game on
1825
01:40:05,840 --> 01:40:07,100
Can't Xbox me in
1826
01:40:07,200 --> 01:40:11,460
'Cause in my lane
no controller but me playin' my game
1827
01:40:11,560 --> 01:40:13,244
- This a different league
- League
1828
01:40:13,360 --> 01:40:14,540
A different bracket
1829
01:40:14,640 --> 01:40:15,940
- I'm a different gene
- Gene
1830
01:40:16,040 --> 01:40:17,420
A different faction
1831
01:40:17,520 --> 01:40:19,900
I will never fall off, I just fall back
1832
01:40:20,000 --> 01:40:23,260
Don't make me pull up,
pull up where you boys ball at
1833
01:40:23,360 --> 01:40:25,780
And show you little fake hustlers
what the trap is
1834
01:40:25,880 --> 01:40:28,940
I have you runnin' suicides all practice
1835
01:40:29,040 --> 01:40:31,805
I got warrior blood I fearno heir
1836
01:40:31,920 --> 01:40:34,380

No army, no weapon, no man

1837
01:40:34,480 --> 01:40:40,220
Killer instinct, I just go harder
than harder hard, but I pull larger
1838
01:40:40,320 --> 01:40:43,483
I can't let you Mini-Mes
steal my Austin Powers
1839
01:40:43,640 --> 01:40:46,020
I've traveled plenty seas,
spent many hours
1840
01:40:46,120 --> 01:40:48,540
To make Flocka be the best he can be
1841
01:40:48,640 --> 01:40:51,220
So you gon' show respect
when you talkin' to me
1842
01:40:51,320 --> 01:40:54,460
That number one spot legacy
I see is my hit
1843
01:40:54,560 --> 01:40:57,540
And what you take what you is,
what you leave behind
1844
01:40:57,640 --> 01:41:00,300
This is not a game now
1845
01:41:00,400 --> 01:41:03,380
Nobody can save you
1846
01:41:03,480 --> 01:41:05,500
Spent up all your change
1847
01:41:05,600 --> 01:41:08,922
And now your turn is done
1848
01:41:09,040 --> 01:41:14,410
We won't be afraid
'cause we're the ones who made you
1849
01:41:14,920 --> 01:41:17,020
- Knock you out the frame

- Squat, squat
1850
01:41:17,120 --> 01:41:20,060
- We won't stop until you're gone
- Squat, squat, squat, squat
1851
01:41:20,160 --> 01:41:24,131
- Game on
- Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up
1852
01:41:25,520 --> 01:41:29,969
- Game on
- Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up
1853
01:41:31,720 --> 01:41:33,210
Game on