Kaitlin Kelsch

Briggs
English 1010 MW 1:00
December 7th, 2016

The Effects of Internet Technologies on Relationships:

Are They a Detriment or an Aid?
For as long as human beings have existed on this planet, our most basic instincts have
compelled us to reach far beyond ourselves in an effort to be understood. Sure, we, as a species,
couldve just settled with mere companionship, but humans also require contact on something of
a more intimate level, as well, something much more everlasting. In other words, we crave a
certain kind of contact that can only be derived through romance.
How would you yourself describe the concept? Think about the chemistry, the euphoria,
the knowledge that you have found your one-and-only special someone, everything that comes
along with the definition. Chances are a good majority of you think that its like that classic
scene in the fairytales, right? A beautiful young princess meets her beloved prince charming and
they both ride away into the sunset, happily ever after. And while, yes, in real life, romance
doesnt mature quite as quickly as it does in the stories, we still have come to expect that the
person we will ultimately end up marrying will share some sort of a deep, cosmic bond with us.
However, Snow White was then and Tinder is now. In a world in which we have literally
thousands of ways to communicate and get acquainted with one another, youd think that wed
be able to bypass a good majority of the pain and heartbreak that just naturally comes with the
territory. The problem is that we arent. Although it is, indeed, astounding that the internet
allows people from all across the globe to connect to each other at breakneck speed, the internet

is also creating new social values and norms that, in some cases, have yet to be fully defined,
leaving a good majority of Americas dating scene wandering around in the dark.
Therefore, when I was given the assignment to write an annotated bibliography for my
Intro to Writing class, I decided to use this assignment to motivate myself into learning more
about the trends that underpin romance and love. One reason is because I had just read the book
Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and Eric Kleinman a couple of months earlier and the other
reason is that I am now looking to go on some casual dates myself. If reading Modern Romance
helped me to cultivate a genuine interest in subject, why not study other perspectives and try to
gain some practical advice?
And if Ive learned anything from reading and gathering the materials for this
assignment, its that finding your one-and-only match is becoming harder and harder to achieve
by the day. It still, indeed, can be done, but you also need to understand just how drastically the
dating landscape has changed even in just the last 30 years. You may think that the two terms
romance and technology dont intersect very much, but as I posit in this annotated
bibliography, they have become inextricably intertwined. The question is: just how exactly are
these new internet technologies affecting the way we find love and are these internet
technologies a positive influence on our dating lives or a negative one?

Source #1
Ansari, Aziz, and Eric Klinenberg. "Chapter 2: The Initial Ask." Modern Romance. New York:
Penguin, 2015. 33-68. Print.

Summary
When comedian and actor Aziz Ansari had a question that nobody seemed to know the
answer to (that is, what makes Americas dating scene different from what the dating scene was
about a century ago) he did what anybody would do he decided to write a book about it!
Teaming up with renowned sociologist Eric Klinenberg, the duo traveled across the
country and beyond to gather the necessary information. It not only includes a dizzying array of
studies and personal opinions from some of the worlds best thinkers in the field, but it also
contains priceless insights gathered via the authors independently-conducted focus groups, as
well. All in all, this makes the book one of the most comprehensive investigations of modern
romance to date.
The main takeaway from the chapter, however, is twofold. It is not only clear that text
messaging has already begun to challenge the conventional norms of dating, but it is also clear
that trying to navigate these new norms is causing a considerable amount of stress for the singles
involved (Ansari and Klinenberg 58-64), as seen by unnecessary cat-and-mouse games they have
the potential to put themselves through in an effort to send the perfect text (57).
Simply put, because singles tend to text each other back-and-forth, nowadays, after they
have exchanged numbers but before they have officially asked each other out, the initial text chat
is crucially important to the future success of a relationship since it is the only opportunity you
will have to make a good first impression (Ansari and Klinenberg 48). As Ansari asserts, even

small tweaks of a text message can make the difference between being perceived as nice or
mean, smart or dumb, funny or boring (48).
However, you shouldnt worry so much about the content of a text message that you
drive yourself to the brink of insanity, either, certainly not enough that you begin to lose your
own authentic voice. As Ansari and Klinenberg seem to imply the trick is to employ balance
showcase the very best aspects of your personality and use your very best common courtesy (5456), but dont forget to have some fun while youre at it, sheesh!
Rhetorical Analysis
At first, I was worried that this book wouldnt be a good fit for this annotated
bibliography due to the fact that Mr. Ansaris primary job is a comedian, but after considering
the fact that he co-authored the book with a very qualified sociologist and after considering the
fact that Mr. Ansari genuinely interested in the subject matter of the book (as evidenced by the
books introduction) I began to realize that having an both an outsiders opinion and a scholars
opinion in the same work could actually be a strength, not a weakness.
Consider the fact that Mr. Ansari interlaces several jokes throughout the book. Although
not all of them, in my opinion, fit my particular sense of humor, nevertheless, they keep the work
from being too bogged down with technical language and help to create a fun, welcoming, and
all-inclusive atmosphere for those who read it.

The personal anecdotes from both the

interviewees of the focus groups and the authors themselves only add to the books down-toearth tone.
Overall, while it is clear that the book was designed to showcase very important
implications regarding the state of Americas dating scene, it is also clear that Mr. Ansaris
influence keeps the book from feeling too unrelatable to the prime dating demographic of

America, those from about ages 18-30 years old. I believe that the statistics which are included
within are solid and it is a prime example of how intelligence and humor can actually blend
together to create something exceptional.
Assessment
Truthfully, I am a huge fan of this work. Because it was the very first book that I read on
how internet technologies are affecting modern-day relationships, it gave me a rather broad
introduction to the topic and helped to create a basic frame of reference for myself as I moved
forward in my research. I was attracted to the book because I knew that it would be jam-packed
with information and because I am rather fond of Ansaris character on the TV show Parks and
Recreation, but what I didnt expect was how well the books endearing charm managed to stay
with me even after I had finished reading it. I love it a great deal, even to this day, and would
recommend it to anybody in a heartbeat.
And after having read over the book for a second time, I have now come to the
conclusion that if technology is, in fact, changing the norms of dating (as the subject matter of
Chapter 2 demonstrates) these new rules and customs need to be publicized and firmly agreed
upon in order to keep everyone on the same page. Otherwise, the stress and confusion that
comes as a consequence of not understanding these norms can lead some singles to quit the
dating scene, altogether.

Source #2
Brown, Bruce. "Will Tech Take the Romance out of Dating and Replace It with Intelligence?"
Digital Trends. Digital Trends, 06 Nov. 2016. Web. 12 Nov. 2016.

Summary
In early 2016, eHarmony, an online dating website that bills itself as a science-based
relationship site committed to helping singles find the best possible partner based on several key
dimensions of compatibility (Brown), published a study in conjunction with Imperial College
Business School in the U.K (Brown) about the potential effects smart technologies will have on
the future of online dating.
According to eHarmonys findings, some of the questions on their (incredibly long and
extensive) (Brown) dating questionnaire have the potential to be auto-filled by data from
wearable devices and various smart home components (Brown), such as heart-rate monitors,
sleep trackers, and, in its most extreme example, a smart toilet which will analyze the contents of
yourunmentionables to provide data on nutrition, diet, and certain medical conditions
(Brown). In short, a growing percentage of our date selection process will be based on smart
technology (Brown).
The ultimate hope, eHarmony states, is that the data from smart technology will not only
help to eliminate problems of subjectivity in the online dating world (such as tendency of those
who sign up for online dating services to second-guess their profile questions) (Brown) but will
also help to expedite the online dating process at every stage (Brown). The data also has the
potential be used to generate possible dating activities and mutually-fascinating topics of
conversation, as well (Brown).

You might think that a great deal of this technology is a long ways off or that it is rather
strange and disconcerting, but the penultimate prediction that eHarmony makes is that smart tech
data will be used by 40 percent of online dating services in the U..S and the U.K by 2026
(Brown). And given current technology trends and everything that we have touched upon in this
annotated bibliography, you may soon have to accept that these technologically-mediated
matches are the new norm.
Rhetorical Analysis
Although this work is a more-or-less a summary of the report which was originally
published on the tech website Digital Trends, the article does provide a link back to the
eHarmony original and does a good job, I think, condensing an overwhelming amount of
information into an easy-to-understand form.
However, if I didnt already know that Imperial College co-authored and most likely factchecked the report, I would probably accuse eHarmony of commissioning it as a form of
shameless self-promotion. If their whole premise as an online dating website is that they use
technology to make compatible matches, wouldnt sponsoring a report that stresses the
importance of technology to future online matchmaking help attract new customers to the site?
Regardless, though, I did take a look at the original report and I found it to be very well
organized. Their conclusions were formed from literature reviews, extrapolations of historic
data, and interviews with the online dating industrys leading experts, all of which I believe to be
valid and credible sources.
As for the Digital Trends summary, while I am afraid that I dont know enough about the
author, Bruce Brown, to create a definite opinion, clicking on his name in the article brings you
to a short biography about him, which states that he has been writing about personal computers

and technology for 34 years now. Because of this, and because of the fact that he was allowed to
publish his work on a major source for technology news, I think that it is reasonably safe to
assume that he is, indeed, knowledgeable about the technology industry.
Assessment
Obviously, this report is disconcerting for both me and for many others. I think a
common fear that a lot of people will have after reading it is that relying too much on data and
not enough on other markers of compatibly will turn the online dating process into something
rather cold, clinical, and harsh. In other words, theres a fear that data-driven matches will suck
all the romance out of what should be an enjoyable process.
On other hand, many of the people who live in todays modern world have been taught
to trust in the power of statistics and objectivity. While I do believe that science is the best tool
humans have to definitively uncover the mysteries of the universe, you must also realize that
facts and statistics are only good for making generalizations about the behavior of a certain
phenomenon. In the spirit of the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, not everyone is going to fit the
overall pattern that statistics try to fit you in and just because you possess a certain combination
of attributes doesnt mean that we can necessarily predict where you will end up in the future.
So while I am in favor of making the online dating process more streamlined and precise
for the sake of the fact that so many singles nowadays are attracted to the method, I would also
hope that eHarmony keeps the so-called butterflies in the stomach in mind, as well.
Otherwise, this could create a paradox in which the matches made on online dating sites are
more accurate but also less accurate, at the exact same time.

Source #3
Henry-Waring, Millsom, and Jo Barraket. "Dating & Intimacy in the 21st Century: The Use of
Online Dating Sites in Australia." International Journal Of Emerging Technologies &
Society 6.1 (2008): 14-33. Academic Search Premier. Web. 13 Nov. 2016.
Summary
Millsom Henry-Waring and Jo Barraket, co-authors of a study published in the
International Journal of Emerging Technologies and Society entitled Dating and Intimacy in the
21st Century, set out to answer four different research questions regarding the rise of online
dating and how online dating is affecting the nature of intimacy. Why are people using online
dating services (Henry-Waring and Barraket 16)? How are people communicating online
(16)? In what ways do people connect emotionally and intimately on and off-line (16)? and
Does online dating alter the very nature of intimacy, emotion, and dating (16)?
Using interviews with the 23 participants of the study, which were then transcribed and
analyzed for significant themes (16), Henry-Waring and Barraket have identified several
different traits and characteristics inherent in online dating that appeal to the busy, on-the-go
lifestyles of those who sign up for them, such as the fact that it extends your social network (18),
the fact that it removes the clumsy and inelegant features of face-to-face communication (18),
the fact that it mitigates some of the risks that come with traditional dating (17), and the fact that
you can do it, quite literally, anywhere (19).
The authors also dissect a great deal of social norms that those on online dating sites
typically follow. Consider the fact that your online dating profile is like your own personal
shop window (Henry-Waring and Barraket 21). Because this shop window is, most likely, the
first thing a potential match will see upon being paired with you, generally, it is good practice to

spend time crafting your online profile so that it will showcase your very best qualities (HenryWaring and Barraket 21). Combined with the knowledge that those who look at these online
dating profiles are conscious of even the tiniest details details such as the length of the profile
(Henry-Waring and Barraket 21), grammar and spelling (21), and the way a person appears in
their profile photo (22) it comes as no surprise that the ability to write and evaluate online
dating profiles becomes a highly-coveted skill (21).
It is also undeniable that the amount of chemistry involved in online relationships can be
downright exhilarating. As Henry-Waring and Barraket have found, the more messages online
daters send each other, the more relaxed and flirtatious the messages sent between the couple
will become.
However, the significance of transferring the relationship from an online setting to an
offline setting cannot be overstated. The anonymity of the medium and the huge amount of
messages a couple has the potential to receive before they meet face-to-face can sometimes lead
to an inflated sense of connection (Henry-Waring and Barraket 23), a connection that doesnt
necessarily translate well once the relationship moves to an offline setting. Therefore, it is
within the couples best interest to meet offline as soon as they possibly can, just to make sure
that really do have some sort of a physical and tangible connection in place (Henry-Waring 2324). Otherwise, as one participant named Marcus maintains, both parties [have the potential
to] rush to the judgement that the connection is a success (Henry-Waring and Barraket 23)
when, really, they have nothing.
Rhetorical Analysis
Admittedly, I am afraid that the fact that this study is out of date in some spots because it
was originally published in 2008, but in my summary I only included the facts that aligned with

what I knew from my other sources, especially Modern Romance which contains a chapter
covering the same relative information. I was also concerned that the fact that this study was
originally conducted in Australia would be a problem, as well, due to cultural differences, but
after reading through the article multiple times, it seemed to me that a lot of the trends discussed
could also be applied to most other industrialized nations, as well, including America.
Nevertheless, I greatly appreciate this paper. I believe it to be well-balanced, I love how
the style of writing fits the medium but is also simple enough that the average layman can
understand it, and the personal anecdotes scattered all throughout the work give the piece a
humanizing feel, as well, providing reassurance that the consequences of their research do not
occur in a hermetically-sealed vacuum.
Finally, it is worth noting that both of the authors, at least at the time this journal article
was written, work at the School of Social and Political Sciences at the University of Melbourne.
It does not say in the work what level of education each author has received, but given that they
both work in the field of social science and the article they have written was deemed worthy
enough to be published in a peer-reviewed journal, I feel as if I can go out on a limb and say that
they are more than qualified to speak about the matters presented in this paper.
Assessment
I find profile-building and profile-evaluating behaviors that are presented in the article to
be rather fascinating. What assurance is there that what you read on an online dating profile is
100% the truth? Even if you were completely honest while constructing it and werent trying to
inflate the truth, at all, there are, perhaps, dozens of small details you probably wouldnt have the
foresight to consider that have the potential to affect your outcome. Does this mean that online
dating is fundamentally flawed, from the start? Or is it on-par with the same type of impression

management strategies you employ in a traditional relationship, such as regulating your speech,
your mannerisms, your body language, and your appearance?
Regardless, the article has made it clear to me that online dating sites serve as merely as
an alternative way for people to introduce themselves, not as a platform from which couples can
conduct long-term relationships. Granted, as Worthams article shows, it is possible for a couple
to interact in the real world while using online communication to fill in the gaps, but the key here
is that at one point or another, an actual, physical introduction must be made after the initial
match-up in order for the relationship to be sustainable in the long run.

Source #4
Slater, Dan. "A Million First Dates How Online Dating Is Threatening Monogamy." Atlantic
311.1 (2013): 40-46. Academic Search Premier. Web. 8 Nov. 2016.

Summary
In an excerpt of his book, Love in the Time of Algorithms, published in the magazine
The Atlantic in Janurary of 2013, Dan Slater offers a very important question that he believes all
those who online date ought to ask themselves at one point or another. When the thousands of
communication options you have at your disposal arm with the knowledge that there really are
plenty of fish in the sea, at what times should you decide to settle down and commit to someone
and at what times should you decide to leave in the hopes that you can find somebody better?
The answer to this question has the potential to affect not just the outcome of your dating
game, however. It also has the potential to change the very definition of monogamy itself.
Because as Slater demonstrates through various interviews with the top executives of the some of
the worlds most popular online dating sites, the more dating options we are exposed to through
these sites and through various other communication apps such as Twitter (Slater 43), the more
we come under the impression that, with the right amount of time and hard work, we will
eventually find our soulmate (Slater 42). This not only causes us to hold off committing to a
perfectly good person because we believe that there is a better match out there (43), says Slater,
it also makes us much more likely question whether the person weve decided to commit are
whole entire lives to is even the right person for us in the first place (46).
Therefore, the slew of options that we have available to us nowadays makes it just too
easy to cut our losses at the first sign of relationship trouble (Slater 42). As Gian Gonzaga, a

relationship psychologist that works at eHarmony who is quoted in the article, likes to put it,
You could say online dating allows people to get into relationships, learn things, and ultimately
make a better selectionbut you could also easily see a world in which online dating leads to
people leaving relationships the moment theyre not working an overall weakening of
commitment (Slater 42).
Rhetorical Analysis:
Given the fact that Dan Slater is a former litigator and is now a journalist based in New
York City (Slater 46), you can be pretty much assured that he knows how to build and write a
good argument.

An anecdote involving the story of a young single named Jacob, which

bookends the authors main claim, allows the readers to connect the abstract, impersonal points
of the article to a genuine, concrete experience.
This is particularly effective during the end part of the anecdote in which we learn that
Jacob is still struggling to learn how to make a relationship last, even after signing up for
numerous online dating sites like match.com and Plenty of Fish. The impact of this revelation
wouldnt have been nearly as dramatic and sad as it was had the anecdote been written in one
continuous piece, however, since the knowledge you gain from reading the middle part of the
article is crucial in understanding the true implications of Jacobs fate.
By far, the most important rhetorical device that is used in the article, though, is the
inclusion of the interviews. They not only demonstrate to the reader that the author understands
the multifaceted nature of the issue at hand and but they also provide confirmation from the
mouths of the experts themselves that the trends mentioned in the article are actually coming to
pass.

Im also impressed with the overall organization of the interviews, as well, how carefully
the author has managed to stich them all together. Each interview flows quite seamlessly into
one another, without flaws and without distraction, and, in addition, they are organized into
larger sections based on topic, preventing the piece from feeling too scattered and too all over the
place.
Assessment
Overall, the piece includes evidence that is too monumental to ignore. If most of online
dating executives Slater interviewed for this piece have come to the same general consensus, that
the weakening of monogamy is a serious issue, it becomes pretty much impossible to dismiss the
fact that the interviews included in this piece are road signs for things to come.
It more or less seems as if our future can go in two different directions a future in which
we take our time to find our soulmate, but still ultimately commit, or a future in which people
can have several different relationships that they commit to during a single lifetime.
And in regards to the latter future, what will happen to the idea of raising kids and the
institution of marriage, in general? Will relatively new commitment arrangements such as life
partnerships and cohabitation rise in popularity? Or will all commitment, regardless of type,
drop in favor of simply living together? Only time can answer these questions, for sure, but
because this change in the definition of commitment is something that Im interested in learning
more about, Ill be certain to do my own independent research on it.

Source #5
Wortham, Jenna. I Had a Nice Time with You Tonight. On the App. They Say, I Say with
Readings, 3rd Ed. Eds. Graff, Birkenstein, Durst. NY: Norton, 2015. 623-626. Print.

Summary
Jenna Wortham, in an op-ed originally published in the New York Times called I Had a
Nice Time with You Tonight. On the App., takes the position that internet technologies can be a
rather beneficial way for couples to keep in contact with one another so long as those couples
realize that the internet is not a replacement for the real thing (396).
Specifically, she writes the piece in response to a book called Alone Together, written by
MIT professor of social science Sherry Turkle.

In it, Turkle argues that because internet

technologies have become so popular so fast and because they have gone on to touch nearly
every single aspect of modern-day life, the people of todays world tend to gravitate towards
communicating with each other over the world wide web rather than on a deep, profound, faceto-face level (Wortham 394).
This then goes on to affect the amount of connectedness and unity we feel with other
human beings, creating confrontations between different groups of people and impairing our
ability to hold spontaneous conversations (Wortham 394). What was originally devised to bring
us together in order to share information, therefore, might actually be driving us apart.
Citing the experiences she has had with her own long-distance relationship, however,
Wortham finds the exact opposite to be true. If anything, says Wortham, the pervasiveness of
technology in my life has heightened my desire for actual one-on-one meetings (Wortham 396).
Moreover, Anyone who spends much time online and on a smartphone knows that its no

substitute for the real thing its just an appetizer that can delight and satisfy until the main
course arrives (Wortham 396).
In all, Wortham seems imply that internet technology, just by itself, isnt either good or
evil. What matters most is that people use the technology which has been given to them
sparingly - enough that they allow it to make their lives easier but not so much that they forgo
physical interaction, altogether (Wortham 397). While virtual chats and hugs will never been
the same as their real-world counterparts, Wortham asserts, they can come awfully close in a
pinch (397).
Rhetorical Analysis
When evaluating the credibility of this piece, it is important to note three things. First of
all, given the fact that Worthman published pieces in fashion magazines such as Vogue and Bust
but also in tech magazines such as Wired, you can most likely conclude that she is not only very
knowledgeable about technology, but about the latest trends of society, in general. This, and the
anecdote which opens the piece, goes a long way towards establishing her overall trustworthiness
amongst the primary dating demographic - it shows that she has the ability to speak their
language and it shows that she, herself, is facing some of the very same challenges as they are.
Second of all, it is worth noting that the opening anecdote at the beginning of the piece
works very well in the authors favor. By describing the lazy Sunday afternoon she spent with
her boyfriend in an idyllic manner and then abruptly introducing the fact that her and her
boyfriend live 3,000 miles apart, the author expertly subverts any preconceived notions the
readers might have formed while reading it, making it more memorable. It also serves as an
important frame of reference for rest of the piece and it helps the readers to connect her personal
experiences to their own personal experiences, maybe even to the personal experiences of others.

Lastly, the combination of personal anecdotes, facts, and interviews/quotations that are
included in the piece shows that author has contemplated the problem from a wide variety of
angles. The way that the piece is written, in an easy-to-understand and yet sophisticated manner,
shows that she has considered her target audience well.
Assessment
I really gravitated towards this work because in all of the literature Ive seen about how
technology is affecting everyday dating conventions, people tend to put more emphasis on the
negative effects of technology (such as the fact that people are becoming more isolated from one
another) instead of the positive benefits of technology (such as the fact that it has become easier
for long-distance couples to keep in touch with each other). Consequently, I find her arguments
to be even-handed, well-balanced, and fair.
And even before I did the research for this assignment, the fact that face-to-face
interaction seems to be giving way to chats over the internet has always been an characteristic of
modern-day society in which I have felt a great deal of concern. Worthams op-ed gives me
hope, though, that as society adjusts to the new norms which have been introduced by
technology, the number of hours that people spend engaged with internet technologies will start
to level out and, slowly but surely, face-to-face interaction can be reclaimed.
However, I believe that the best possible change that can occur starts with you. Avoid
becoming overly addicted to the internet, go out and explore your neighborhood, get more
involved in face-to-face social activities, and raise awareness of the issue by talking about it with
your family and friends.