Too Many Victims

Too Many Victims
By: Siobhan Stocks-Lyons

The definition of consent seems often ambiguous to many people. Consent is defined as
to agree to do or allow something: to give permission for something to happen or be done. One
in four women will be the victims of sexual assault at some point in their lives and the rate of
sexual assault on college campuses is rising. According to a survey done by the Association of
American Universities, 23% of female college students reported experiencing some sort of
unwanted sexual attention during their time in college whether it be kissing, touching, or rape
executed by using physical force. College students are most likely to experience sexual assault
than any other age bracket. Sexual assault is a growing issue that needs more attention called
upon it in an effort to reduce unwanted sexual attention and to improve the safety of our society,
especially for women. I had the opportunity of interviewing a very close friend of mine and
fellow student at DU about her personal experience with sexual assault. Out of respect and the
protection of her identity, the name of my friend will remain anonymous throughout the article.
The interview was conducted in one of the private study rooms in the Anderson
Academic Commons at DU. I started by simply asking my friend to give me an account of her
personal experience including as much or as little information as she felt comfortable sharing.
Two years ago, I was visiting home to see my friends graduate from college and we
went out to celebrate at some bars after the ceremony. We ended up running into a guy that I had
been on two dates with. I never liked him romantically, but I felt he was a pretty decent guy.
After having a few drinks, we all ended up leaving the bars together to go to a house party, and
thats when I realized that I had probably had a little too much to drink. Unfortunately, I lost my
phone and couldnt get ahold of my friends when we got separated. Next thing I knew, I had
ended up in a strange house that no one else was in and from that point on I blacked out on
things because I wasnt sure of what was happening. The next thing I knew, I was waking up
extremely disoriented and uncomfortable knowing that something had happened that I didnt
agree too. The same guy walked me home to my friends house like nothing bad had happened
and we walked in silence the whole time. He said something to me like that was fun, we should
do that again as we reached my friends house. It was 6am at the time and I just went into the
house, crawled into bed, and fell asleep. I kept what had happened very private, I didnt tell
friends or family for a long time after.
I could tell that my friend was feeling both uncomfortable and emotional having to relive
that dreadful night. She averted eyes and was shifting around in her chair, but when I asked her if
she wanted to continue, she answered yes without hesitation. Nonetheless, I couldnt help but
feel a little guilty for having her discuss this topic with me. When girls are sexually assaulted, it
is very common for them to put the blame on themselves and focus on what they did to cause
what happened to them. Did I dress too revealing?, Did I have too much to drink? My friend
was certainly one of those people who put the blame on herself and she said to me It was almost
easier to put the blame on someone even if that person was myself to avoid admitting how
powerless I was at the time. Later on in our interview, she proceeded to talk further about
playing the blame game. Unfortunately, I did blame myself. I told myself I had too much to
drink and that I had been dressed in too revealing of a way. Obviously I know now that that was
utter and complete garbage. When something like this happens to you where you loose all
control against your will, denying that the event even happened, or playing the blame game can
be the most common form of coping. It took my friend multiple years and lots of therapy before
she was able to recognize that what had happened to her was not her fault and that the only
person to blame is her attacker.
The aftermath of sexual assault and how to cope with the trauma an individual has
experienced is carried out in many different ways and is very individually based. Sadly, some of
the most common forms of coping with sexual assault trauma are using alcohol and drugs, acting
out sexually, and isolating from other people. Often, seeking some type of talk therapy is the
most effective way to overcome the negative spiral associated with the guilt related to being a
victim. An article by Sarah E. Ullman at the University of Chicago states that PTSD is something
that many sexual assault victims develop. The use of drugs or alcohol as self medication is most
commonly seen among victims struggling with PTSD. Right away my form of coping was
denying that it ever happened, but I also feel that it was my bodys natural way of protecting
itself. I was already in a vulnerable place in my life, so that whole night I tried to blackout for a
while. I have told friends that I trust after finally opening up about what happened to me in
therapy because I knew that this situation was something much bigger than what I could deal
with on my own. Going to a safe and professional place for therapy has been and continues to be
the best option for me. I could tell how much progress she has made since her assault and by the
large smile on her face, it was clear how proud she is for taking those steps toward a better life.
My eyes couldnt help but well up a little bit.
The topic of sexual assault has unfortunately been an extremely prevalent issue on the
DU campus over the last month since the start of Winter quarter and it is very important that
every student here be aware of the facts. The school reported a rape that occurred on January 2nd,
2016 and shortly after that there were three cases of forcible fondling reported over the course
of one week. DU was on the news way too many times over that week then it should have ever
been, shedding nothing but a negative light on the institution. The term forcible fondling is a
joke. The word fondling sounds funny. DU should be calling it out as what it is, which is
sexual assault. It doesnt matter if forcible fondling is a subcategory of sexual assault, it is still
unwanted force. I proceeded to ask my friend what other feelings she had about the situation
going on currently at DU wanting to know how and if her opinion differed at all from other
friends and family I had discussed it with given her personal experience. Its an unfortunate, but
perfect example of the lack of knowledge regarding sexual assault and how it is handled within a
large institution. Dont beat around the bush and try to give it fancy names such as forcible
fondling. We get the play by play of what happened from campus safety, but we arent receiving
any preventative measures about how to stop what is happening. It is just very telling to me
considering that three events have happened in such a short amount of time.
Many victims of sexual assault go on to becoming activists and educators on the topic.
These activists most commonly provide counseling for people who have been affected by sexual
assault and giving lectures to groups of young people to help inform them of the severity of the
issue and how to they can go about protecting themselves from becoming the next victims. These
activists provide a big sense of safety and comfort for those who have experienced the same type
of trauma and can make a big difference for a person during their process of recovery. My friend
definitely had some opinions regarding what she would like to do to continue raising awareness
about sexual assault. I think the biggest thing is that young people know what consent is and
what it is not. It is a coherent, sober, uninhibited yes. It is verbal, clear, and there is no way
around it. Period. Men and women can say no if they want to, even if they may have consented
in the past. Every single situation should be treated as a completely separate entity and silence
should be treated as a no as well.
The Sex Abuse Treatment Center website provides a wealth of knowledge to victims as
to how to start moving forward and the most vital steps that can be taken in order to recover.
Some of these steps include acknowledging and legitimizing the feelings you are having, being
open to reaching out to family and friends as a support system as well as consulting a therapist,
trying to strengthen yourself in every aspect of life, (physically, emotionally, and mentally)
trying to relax in times of tension and stress, seeing yourself as capable of recovering, and giving
yourself the time needed in order to feel a sense of normalcy again. As our interview was
winding down, my friend really showed an interest in wanting to leave the readers with a little
advice she would give to people who are currently in the same position she was once in.
I would definitely advise someone to reach out to a support system that they can trust,
whether that be a best friend, sibling, parent, or going to therapy. When you are stuck in a place
where you begin to blame yourself for what happened to you, try as hard as you can to bring out
the courageous and strong side of yourself and give yourself the same advice that you would give
to another woman who had been the victim of sexual assault. I promise that one day the stronger
side of you will always win over the side that wants to play the blame game. The process of
recovery for victims of sexual assault is a long and very difficult journey, but by providing her
story and the facts on sexual assault, my friend hopes that maybe someone reading this article
who has been a victim will be touched by it and gain the hope and strength to take their life back.
Its a process to say the least. Its going to be a part of my journey for a while, but if there is a
silver lining, its gotten me more involved and aware of how I can bring some sort of education
to this very taboo and ambiguous subject.

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Too Many Victims

By: Siobhan Stocks-Lyons

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